#games that are far from perfect but they still made me gay when i played them as a kid /j

[overclockedfamicom]

Was the Protagonist Bomberman in Bomberman Land for the Wii meant to be nonbinary but nintendo decided to use masculine terms or was this game intentionally meant to be positive towards crossdressing?

Either way I'm all for whatever's going on with the style system

[sunlightsilence]

MY THOUGHTS ON SIDE ORDER

If you see this, you don't have #side order or #side order spoilers blocked. .

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So. Side order's gameplay is fantastic to me, I've completed it with all 12 palettes now. I love splatoon and I love roguelikes so this was sort of a match made in heaven for me.

Creating the OP builds, the final boss, the general colours and music and vibe of the game is amazing! Everything to do with Pearl and Marina are *amazing* and they're so hella gay it's adorable :D And I love that they're not even hiding the queer representation now. Marina having a sprawled out Pearl as her desktop background is so cute, even seeing an elevator scene where they gush about eachother, and another one where Marina worries that Acht is hitting on Pearl.

And... cannon They/Them Acht! I remember all the people on Reddit being like "it's just the marketing team mistranslating their pronouns in a tweet!" NOPE, it's in game too!

Hell yeah :D Smollusk is adorable and I love him, and maybe we finally have a splatoon villain tumblr won't turn into a tumblr sexyman since he's a literal infant xD

And Pearl Drone is so hecking cute, I love her so much!! If you spin around in the lobby she spins too, and if you stay still she falls asleep :D

I did my first run with Brella cause it's my fav and it has my beloved inkstorm kit from S2! It took me three tries before I beat the tower for the first time, but then every run afterwards with different weapons I've always cleared it (I was got bounced off the tower for that first death and the second I was caught offguard by how fast the reefslider spam is)! Brella was definitely my favourite run, but I also really enjoyed the roller and brush runs. My roughest run was with the Splatling. I had dreaded doing charger after that, but charger turned into my fastest run!

I could see myself unwinding in this mode hundreds more times. I am saying this all to demonstrate that I really love this DLC, it might be my favourite of all the single player modes so far, either that or S2 hero mode. So my following criticisms are out of love for it because it's close to perfect. So the big one is... "the dlc is too short!" I hear that a lot on both tumblr and reddit and someone inevitably chimes in with "You don't play a lot of roguelikes, do you?" I mean... do YOU? I've done over 100 runs in Wizard of Legend, and thousands of hours on Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and Etrian Mystery Dungeon. Yes it's made to be run multiple times, but when a run is only 20-30 minutes it's still only about 6 hours of content if you do all the palettes. And these could be fixed with the assets they already have! Like imagine an Endless mode where the difficulty (enemy speed and hp values and number of spawns) kept ramping up higher and higher each floor, with the leader board being kept track of on the app. Or a daily tower run to save a random cephalopod from being grayscaled - the daily inkling/octoling's palette giving you a random weapon/sub/special for that day that followed the rules of 8's Octoshot (more hacks = less chip slots). Or like a super hard difficulty mode - imagine a mode where every floor had a danger modifier, and maybe a Parallel Cannon spawns into the stage to try to hunt you down (maybe it's even invincible so you have to run away from it while doing the stage objective?) I know the Octoshot is kind of the "hard mode" (it's still not too bad though since it's basically just like starting from the beginning without hacks), but it's not fun being limited to just the one weapon type. Especially for it for people who find the regular shooters boring. I don't feel like this is an unreasonable request either, Wizard of Legend - a roguelike made by *two* people - for instance has a few options for post game challenge runs (a randomized mode, a mode where the enemies start from the highest difficulty from floor 1, an extra long run that touches on all the bosses, a BOSS RUSH mode, Curses - basically one thing gets massively buffed while a second thing gets massively debuffed). The Mystery Dungeon games tend to have unlockable MASSIVE dungeons that start you off from having nothing. (like imagine a 99 floor floor tower where you started with no hacks, and a basic shooter with no sub/special and you had to earn new weapons/subs/specials/hacks as you go). Could do the Curse style idea with extra special Marina hacks. "Hey 8, I just figured out a hack that turns everyone's Max HP to 1 - both yours and your opponents!" "This hack will make you much faster but the floors will always be dark!" Or those Bonus challenges, imagine if there was an option to do conditional runs with them. Like "Beat the Tower without using your special, unlock a specific splat tag banner" Again, I am only criticizing because I love it. It's just also the easiest and shortest of all the single player campaigns we've gotten I feel, and if they were going to lean into the roguelike genre, I wish they looked into how other roguelikes reuse assets to lengthen the gameplay and provide extra challenges to keep players interested for a long time.

AND I AM STILL MAD YOU CAN'T PLAY AS A SQUID AND THEY REMOVED THE PLAYABLE SQUIDBEATZ (half joking. Not really upset, but I do find it odd now that there's more campaigns you can play as an octoling than an inking on the switch now despite inklings being the mascots...... rotm/oe/so vs just s2hero/rotm. And I don't see why we can't just have minigames back, they remove more minigames each entry and paying to listen to music now is frustrating...) Haha... But yes, overall, I loved it. It's a 9/10 from me. Adding squidbeatz and some post game longevity / challenge modes would have made it a 10/10. I can't wait to play more, I can't wait to visit Inkopolis Square again next splatfest :')

Now, onto random observations!

The lobby has jump ramps on the back corner pillars. I don't know why!

You can turn Color Lock on in the main game and it *does* affect Side Order. It gives you permanently Blue+yellow or Blue+green ink, even in the hub area.

So with this boss, it uses the hairstyle from your S2 hero mode data to get their appearance... But I swear mine is using the feminine voice here and when being splat, despite that hairstyle being locked to masculine inkling voices in Splatoon 2? I do use it with the feminine voice in Splatoon 3. Or maybe the voices are just mixed into one here, I can't quite tell? Well it made enby me happy to see. I do kinda wish we got a challenging superboss fight with 4, these felt a bit weak.. but it seems to imply they aren't specifically 4 but Order made them based on their data... So...where is the real 4?!!! Did she never show up to work? Speaking of that boss....

Around the room are these white pipe like structures...

That will be instantly recognizable to anyone who dabbles in japanese model kits - they're sprue trees, like the kind used in Gunpla.

The robotic boss has robot model kit building pieces in the background :D

I still don't quite get the intro scene where everything goes digital on the train.... So it's implying either A) your character got Grayscaled.... But your character is fine when you go back to town... you don't even see any characters standing around suffering it's effects, they could have had some npcs spacing out or acting weird ala Persona 3... or B) you're getting pulled into the memverse too, but there's no sign of your S3 character *at all*... (though this would have been a good way to let us play as an inkling too nintendo >:l *angry woomy noises*)

Honestly I felt kinda like Acht's inclusion was sort of superfluous at first... mostly their role felt like "Pearl & Marina: *does something gay* Acht: wow these two sure are hella gay right 8? i feel like we're third wheels". I kept waiting for some kind of...reveal? Their memories are pretty much fully restored instantly rather than rolled out gradually like I was expecting...I was thinking maybe they'd, like, link them to Paul, or follow up on the recognizing Pearl somehow or being linked to the engineers that created Order or...SOMETHING, but it never came. Other than maybe dropping a hint about the person who instructed them and Marina when they were in school? Their role was really just "I'll hold the elevator and jump in for a song"... But maybe that's okay, eight and Acht are trauma victims and this was meant to be a place to heal them. Maybe it's okay that we take it slow getting to know them.

Okay that's all that's brainworming away at me for now, I'm sure I'll think of more later. Again, I really love it, definitely a 9/10 for me. I hope yall enjoyed it too :)

[midorisudachi]

“Living a lie…it festers inside you, like poison. You have to fight for what’s in your heart.” – Dorian Pavus

I recently beat Dragon Age Inquisition for the third time! I love that game immensely: everything about it is wonderful. I chose a male Inquisitor - as a rogue - because I wanted to romance Dorian. The first time I played DAI, it was the female elf Lavellen – whom I named Zephyra – and she was a mage, and the romance with Solas was a bloody disaster & heartbreaking. (Damn you, Solas!) The second time I played as the human female Trevelyan – named Bryony (who you have seen me do two fanarts of) – a warrior, and romanced Cullen. (Cullen is so hot for a video game character…where can I find a man like that? Lol.) I hope you like this artwork!

Also: Happy Pride Month! 🌈 It’s actually a perfect time to submit this artwork. This was a lot of fun to create (a full colour piece). If you haven’t played the Dragon Age games, it is actually very LGBTQ friendly. You can make your characters gay, lesbian, or bisexual. There is even a transgender male in DAI, named Krem, who is a cool character. Bioware is open-minded, that’s for sure, so the DA series is for everybody. And omg, let me tell you that the conversations & bantering between the characters is hilarious!

⚠️Warning: Spoilers Ahead!⚠️

Dorian is quite the character…a sarcastic & witty lad. He is complex at first, especially regarding his history (how his father tried to “erase” who he truly was, when it came to his homosexuality). It was fun romancing him with Cedric (Trevelyan), who I made a rouge/assassin. So off course I had to draw my OC [male] Cedric Trevelyan with Dorian! Cedric is Dorian’s “Amatus”. I made them wear simpler outfits when I drew them, because near the end of the game, they were wearing complex armour. That stuff is hard to draw! I chose to draw Lilies by Cedric & Dorian, because if you romance Dorian, his tarot card shows him holding what looks like a Lily.

The two of them had this conversation near the end of the Trespasser DLC:

Cedric: “Whatever happens, I wouldn’t trade the years we’ve had together for anything. I love you.”

Dorian: “I knew you would break my heart, you bloody bastard.”

Lol! Awww, jeez, Dorian, just say you love my Inquisitor, too. I honestly really think that Dorian loved him, as stubborn as he was to admit it. At first I was annoyed when Dorian chose to go back to Trevinter, and I thought, “Darn you, don’t you dare pull a Solas on my Inquisitor, after all you've gone through with him!” However, after the game ends, it tells you what happens to the characters (depending on your choices). For me, the game said that Dorian’s “greatest strength lay in the lover he left in the south, but still conversed with via message crystal”, and “some claimed to have seen the Inquisitor on the streets on Minrathos on rare occasions, sneaking into the heart of Trevinter to aid his Amatus.” It made me happy to know that the Inquisitor and Dorian stayed together. I wonder if that will show up with the 4th game.

⚠️Spoilers Over!⚠️

Speaking of the 4th game, who is excited to Dragon Age: The Veilguard, to be released later this year? I watched the gameplay trailer and I am excited for it! I hope characters from DAI will be in it (so far, Varric & Solas have been shown).

Drawn with sepia Sakura Pigma Micron pens, then coloured in with a mixture of Copic Markers, Ohuhu Markers, & Zenacolor coloured pencils. White accents done with a Sakura gel pen & the gold accents were done with Golden brand acrylic paint.

Dragon Age Inquisition/Dorian Pavus/Inquisitor Trevelyan © Bioware & Electronic Arts

Artwork © of me, Jacqueline E. McNeese

[lythea-creation]

Hiba's Puppy - Hiba x fem reader (Part 1)

summary: The sleepover at your best friends house doesn't go as expected as your friends call makes you wish you had left your phone at home.

warnings: slight homophobia

word count: 881

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? Yes

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“Sorry for being so late”, I apologized to Tasneem.

Usually I was one of the first to arrive as she was my best friend, together with Hiba of course. I would help Tasneem prepare everything for her famous pajama parties instead of being the last one to come like today.

But my parents had needed my help with no chance to decline.

“It's alright. You're just on time”, she assured me. “We're going to start playing some games now.”

“Great”, I rejoiced and made my way over to the living room that was almost as familiar to me as my own.

“Hey guys!”, I greeted the other guests.

I was surprised at seeing Sarah and Farah here, but decided against bringing it up.

Without thinking about it I settled down next to Hiba who immediately sent me a teasing grin, making my heart flutter. Damn gay panic!

“We're all putting our phones onto the table and read out any messages that come in. Calls will be on speaker”, Farah explained excitedly.

“Are you in?”, Hiba challenged me.

“Sure”, I agreed and pulled me phone out to place it on the table.

It turned out to be rather boring than thrilling when we were waiting.

That did not mean that I was happy about my phone being the first to ring. It did not help that it was a group call from my friends.

“Who is it?”, Enas wondered.

“My idiot friends”, I stated dreadfully.

“Come on, you gotta answer it”, Tasneem encouraged me.

Reluctantly I tapped on the accept button.

“Hey (f/n)! What are you up to? Wanna play some games together?”, Noor suggested.

“Sorry guys, but I don't have time for you right now”, I let them down.

“Oh, come on! Don't leave us hanging! It's gonna be fun”, Yasser tried persuading me.

“She's probably just too busy with Hiba to grant us her company. Seems to be the only thing on her mind lately anyway”, Safaa proclaimed. “We can't compete with her.”

“Safaa, shut up”, I growled, feeling my cheeks beginning to heat up.

“Why so shy now? The last time we talked about her you got way too overprotective. Where's your sass now?”, Noor reminded me.

“Just stop, guys! This isn't funny”, I proposed.

“It's not our fault that you're Hiba's puppy”, Safaa declared.

Now the guys started chanting the words “Hiba's puppy” in perfect sync.

Automatically my hand moved to end the call. Sometimes I hated my friends, although I loved them at the same time. It was complicated.

“Wow”, Enas exclaimed. “What was that about?”

“Yeah, (f/n)”, Hiba chimed in, grinning at me. “What was that about?”

“It was nothing. Let's just get back to the game”, I attempted changing the topic.

“Nah, you're not getting out of this so easily. So tell me”, Hiba requested teasingly.

She did not stop moving closer until I was basically trapped underneath her, nowhere to go.

“Why did they call you my puppy?”, she questioned, mere inches away from my face.

I could barely comprehend the situation, no chance of forming any words as my head felt like exploding from heat and embarrassment. Hiba was too close to allow me to think clearly.

That everyone was staring weirdly at us, especially me, did not exactly help either.

“So what is it?”, Hiba continued taunting me.

“Hiba, I think you're going too far”, Tasneem assumed, apparently noticing my dire situation.

“Come on! It's just fun”, Hiba brushed it off and sat back down, allowing me to straighten up as well.

My heart was still pumping hard and fast. This had gotten out of hand way too quickly.

Luckily for me Sarah's phone was the next to ring, leading to a way more severe kind of drama including Nadeen and Omar.

So I was off the hook. At least I thought that way until Hiba confronted me again when I got up to get some more water.

She stopped me in the kitchen. “Seriously. What was all of that about? Your friends calling you my puppy?”, she inquired.

This time she was not teasing me in the slightest.

“It's embarrassing”, I alluded.

“So what?”, she scoffed. “I've known you for years. What could be so embarrassing that you don't dare to tell me when we're alone?”

“Well, that's exactly it. It's about you”, I pointed out.

“Then tell me”, she encouraged me.

A nervous sigh left my lips. “Fine. Noor called you hot and ...”

“He did?”, she interrupted me, a victorious grin adorning her face.

“Do you want me to tell you now or not?”, I ranted.

“Okay, okay. Calm down”, she shot back.

“Well … I kinda got angry at him because … I was jealous … or overprotective like they called it. I mean he's right. You're hot. And funny. And loyal. And brutally honest from time to time. And I just wanted to keep it all to myself”, I confessed. “Because I don't want him to become your boyfriend or even a hookup. I don't want anyone to be … except myself.”

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Next Part

Thanks for the request and (not) sorry for the cliffhanger. Was kinda in the mood for it.

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[strawberryblondebutch]

bestie i hate to break it to you but dansby is an alt-right maga freak 😭😭

So I let this sit in my inbox until I was no longer trying to tipsily record a podcast, because I think there's a lesson here in classifying different types of conservative athletes.

Dansby is, as far as I can tell, a God-freak. (Obligatory disclaimer that I am a practicing Catholic and my use of this term is not an indictment on religion.) The God-freak is overrepresented in baseball and in football, because those sports are played outside, so most pros grew up in the Bible Belt, where it's warm enough to practice year-round. Jonah Heim, fun fact, spent the better part of a decade in the minors, because he grew up in Buffalo and only played a handful of varsity games a season.

The God-freak is an evangelical Christian for whom faith is the basis of their personality. Because evangelicalism is tied so deeply to modern conservative politics, they tend to have some right-wing beliefs stemming from this. Many of them did not take the Covid vaccine because they were told it's made from aborted fetuses, and abortion is a grave evil, so they can't put that in their bodies.

You can tell the God-freak in a few ways. The first is that they are genuine in their beliefs, and they will bring these beliefs up in non-political contexts. They share Bible verses on Instagram, give glory to God after good games. The God-freak also usually takes a hard spiritual turn in response to some major life upheaval. For Dansby it was his anxiety disorder. Aaron Nola on the Phillies grew up Catholic and went full evangelical in 2019, when he struggled for the first time as a pitcher. (It's interesting to note that he admits to having OCD in this article and ties some of his compulsions back to a rosary he used to carry.)

This "God saved me from personal strife" narrative is central in differentiating the God-freak from a conservative who happens to be religious, because they believe that, if God saved them, He can save everyone else. They are genuinely motivated by love. Their definition of love just happens to be influenced by right-wing Christianity. This is probably the best example of how the right-wing God-freak isn't totally gone. They approach the world from the base idea that all people are inherently good, and although their attempts to get everyone to recognize that goodness are flawed (think of the pastor who genuinely claims to love a queer person and save them from hell... which in their definition means saving them from the homosexual lifestyle). The God-freak is the most easily redeemed conservative because you can still talk to them on a human level. That's how you get many old Irish church ladies who have started to come around on the gay rights thing because "the [REDACTED FAMILY NAME] kid might fancy girls, but she still goes to church every week, and that's better than my grandson."

As an aside, it's also possible to be a liberal God-freak. Dawn Staley is the perfect example of that: she's very publicly Christian but also chewed out a transphobic reporter. It helps that Dawn is a Black woman who grew up in the most liberal Congressional district in the country, and who plays a sport with such a queer presence.

The God-freak is fundamentally different from the bigot, whose politics are motivated by hate and by power. Britta Curl (God I wish I could stop talking about her) is your textbook bigot. The bigot looks for constant opportunities to shit on the marginalized and blame them for their personal failures. The bigot gives into trans panic because they're insecure, and they're worried that they can't stand on their own merits. Dawn Staley isn't worried about trans women in basketball, because she has the power of God on her side and her team will continue to kick ass. Britta might be ostensibly Catholic (again, unlike the God-freak, the bigot only brings up their faith as a shield), but she doesn't trust that God's glory will stop the Imaginary Scary Trans Hockey Player from taking her job.

When dealing with the bigot, you have got to make them look silly. You have to defang their arguments in real world context. They rely on hypotheticals: the hypothetical Scary Trans Woman who's going to bowl over the cis women at the rink. The hypothetical Scary Black Guy who's going to scare white people from the sport of baseball. The hypothetical dies when confronted by reality: that Lia Thomas is still pretty mediocre at swimming (her words, not mine, I know her personally) and that Black players on the Cardinals helped Anheuser-Busch beer break into new markets (which is why Gussie Busch wanted to trade for Black stars - check out this book).

The third type of conservative is, of course, the grifter. The grifter doesn't believe in any of this shit. They want to make money off the people who do believe it. Most conservative athletes are God-freaks or bigots, but Curt Schilling? Grifter. Old man yells at clouds on Breitbart for attention to avoid declaring bankruptcy. Tommy Pham's comments on being a Black Republican use grifter language - he's pandering to the trans-panic anti-welfare crowd in the replies of a tweet.

Just don't give the grifters any attention. They thrive on it. Ignore. Block. Move on.

I didn't need to write a diatribe on this. I know the Swansons are anti-vax. AFAIK they don't speak publicly about their politics outside of the Facebook post linked above. Even when Twitter likes were public, it all came through a very evangelical lens. Aaron Nola is one of my favorite pitchers, and he's the same way. A lot of God-freaks vote Republican because it's the God party, unlike those pro-abortion Democratic heathens, but they see it as a necessary evil, just like the leftists who plan to grit their teeth and vote for Biden because at least it's not Trump. Most of baseball's conservatives are God-freaks. Hockey's conservatives tend to be bigots. You have to approach them differently and understand where their beliefs are coming from.

And again: don't engage with the grifters at all. You're wasting your breath trying to change someone's insincere beliefs.

I talked in my Britta Curl post about degrees of harm, and how the conservative who keeps their dumbass beliefs to themselves is inherently less harmful than one who preaches to the media about it, and that's a distinction that's important in men's pro sports, which is massively conservative. I respect someone like Aaron Nola - who uses his very closely held beliefs to cope with his OCD, even if he and I definitely disagree on politics - a hell of a lot more than Tony DeAngelo, who likes to hurl slurs around just... for fun, I guess?

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Ok Unicorn Overlord will get its own post at some point now that I'm finally done with it (spoilers: it's pretty great but not perfect, and I still like Engage more for SRPGs I've played semi-recently, but it's definitely one of my favorite things I've played so far this year), but here's some other stuff that's accumulated while I've been busy playing that or otherwise not posting on here.

I finally got around to playing Night in the Woods, or at least some of it. I get why people like it so much, but I think it's just not really my thing. The characters and the world are fun and everything, but when I'm a few hours in and have zero idea how far I am in the game because there's been zero actual plot so far, just random slice of life stuff, I'm probably going to get distracted and go do something else.

I tried to keep going because so many people I know really love it, but then I ran into the problem that it's possibly the only game I have on the Switch that's literally unplayable for me when the sun is up unless I go hide in a dark closet or something. I'm not turning up the brightness for the dark scenes with an average color of #010002 just to get my retinas seared off as soon as it switches to daytime again, especially when I don't have to do that in any other game. I have the fun combo of being noticeably more light sensitive than average but also having moderately bad and somewhat uncorrectable vision, and that just doesn't mesh well with trying to play this game at any time other than the middle of the night.

Death end re;Quest 2 was going to get its own post, but I just can't work up the effort to write it. I actually completely forgot I'd even played it a few days after finishing, that's how little of an impression it left on me. It was such a letdown after how interesting the first one was (despite all the problems I also had with it). I have no idea why they dropped the focus on most stuff that made the first one stand out as unique and went with much more generic horror this time around.

I could complain about the gameplay being less fun this time around for some reason (even though I never used the genre shift mechanics in the original, so it's not like it was because that was missing) or how predictable the story was or how much wasted potential the characters had (please let them have more than one personality trait), but I think I'll settle for complaining about fanservice and call it a day.

I appreciate that they dialed back on the visual side of the fanservice stuff from the first game, even if they probably only did it because so many of the characters are underage this time around, but they made up for it with their characterization instead. Look, if you have the right to write potentially interesting but ultimately relatively shallow characters and fill them with your own fetishes, I have the right to not like it and complain about it. Let Rottie have a personality trait other than "is gay", please. And just because you don't have her running around half naked because she's only 13 doesn't mean you're not still a weird creep for making her Extremely Normal about smelling Mai all the time or for making both DerQ games each have young girls talking about wetting their pants more than every other game I've played in my life combined (with the notable exception of Sahad Ys8, who somehow manages to do it twice as much as these games do combined while still being a pretty likable guy).

Maybe the story finally goes somewhere if you do the NG+ stuff, but I don't have the fortitude to drag myself through that, especially since you apparently need to do all the side quests to unlock all the dialogues, and the side quests suck and are just filler/padding. I didn't mind doing NG+ in the first one because I was actually invested in the story, but I just don't care enough this time. I'm not feeling optimistic about future games in the series, but if they're closer to what the first one was like I could be persuaded to try another if it's on sale cheap enough.

And I guess to end on a positive note, Vampire Survivors is still great. I originally played it on my computer before any of the DLC existed, and I did a bunch of what was in the game at the time but got distracted before finishing everything. I always meant to go back to it and do more and try the DLC, but I haven't been using my computer as much in the time between then and now because seeing is hard.

So I grabbed it and all the DLC on my Switch instead because it's practically free anyway, and I replayed everything I already did before plus all the new stuff, and I regret nothing. The first couple DLCs (Legacy of the Moonspell and Tides of the Foscari) were a bit underwhelming, even if some of the new characters and weapons were kind of fun, but the Amogus and Contra ones were actually surprisingly great. I was expecting crossover stuff to be worse and just a cash grab, but they actually did some really neat stuff with them and they were a lot of fun. I think I would've liked Foscari more if it had a proper adventure mode like the others to introduce you to the new stuff instead of just blasting through it with all your existing upgrades intact, but they haven't gone back and redone that one yet to add that. I suspect it'll be good when they do though, considering everything they've learned from making the more recent ones.

[plantsarepeopletoo]

Thai QL Favorites Tag game

Thanks @rocketturtle4 !

First time doing this, I think Ive been here for a month? Came from reddit but wasn't part of the bl community there.

Of course I'm following along with the Favorite thing over "best" cause it's probably more interesting than just saying ITSAY.

Favorite Thai QL: So I want to say Not Me or 1000 stars, for different reasons. I started watching Not Me before I understood it was a BL, and was very confused when offgun started having "moments". Wasn't mad about it, just wasn't expecting it. I thought it was just mystery/social commentary. That said, I wish it went a little harder on the social commentary, but I understand that they might have pushed as far as they could at the time (while still getting money to make the show)

But 1000 stars made me feel all the emotions and if I ever need to just have a good cry, that's my go to.

Pictures for Turtles:

(Though honestly Turtles, I get it, I have to use MDL to look up everyone to see what they were in before, like Max from BMF)

Favorite Pairing: Disclaimer, I hate the fanservice and pressure for the actors to act like they're dating. That being said, I like OffGun, omg I love Gun's acting in Not Me. And I like EarthMix, I just wish Earth was able to not be type cast into such serious roles. He seems like a very funny dude, give him a character who can be bubbly. I like everything they've been in, and I hope to see more in the future.

Most underrated actor: Perth Nakhun Screaigh? I'd like to see him in more stuff. Before Laws of Attraction came out I would have said Film. Jam and Film both did great in To Sir, here's to hoping they get more attention.

Favorite Character: It might be early, but Charn from Laws of Attraction. From a show that is already completed, White. We took a well off boy who saw there was wrong in the world, decided he didn't like how his brother was doing things, and figured his own way of fixing the world. I'm starting to see I have a type. Charn might be a mix of Black and White if they had decided to work from inside the judicial system. Protecting who they could while being jaded and waiting for a chance to get back at those in power.

Favorite Side Character: I'm a simple person - Max from BMF, just because it's nice to see a confident gay character that is smart. He doesn't have much screen time, but whenever he does I am so ready for it.

Favorite scene in a QL: Pisaeng winning the stuffed animal for Kawi in Be My Favorite. How he was acting before and after, the whole thing was perfect and showed so much of Pisaeng's character. My favorite type of scene, and I think Thai bl does a really good job at it, is colored lighting. I think I first noticed it in KP during the Vegas Pete scenes. They started mixing the colors as Pete and Vegas started to understand each other more *chefs kiss* that type of thing is my jam.

Favorite line in a QL: Oh this is hard cause I do not have the memory for these types of things. So I'm going to cheat a little and say anytime consent is asked for and given.

Most Anticipated QL (& why): Looking forward to Only Friends really no other reason than it looks like it's about to be great fun. Also the two horror bls coming up, The Whisper and The shadow? I don't know much about either and I'm going to keep it that way.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: Gun and Cher from a boss and a babe? Cher did feel super inferior but that didn't come from Gun. Gun supported Cher with everything and Cher felt comfortable to "act like a bad boss" in our skyy. I liked their whole vibe.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: EVERYONE from Love Syndrome? Just... the whole thing. Itt and Day's levels of jealousy are off the charts and played off as romantic. Day doesn't want Itt to learn how to cook or do anything for himself because he wants Itt to be completely dependent on him. I'm hoping for Only friends to be toxic, but not played off as romantic.

Guilty pleasure series: I will knock you or ghost host ghost house. They're both really fun and I can just turn off my brain to watch.

Most Underrated Series: Apparently La Pluie? To Sir With Love needs more attention, but it's very different than what we normally expect from Thailand. Also, even though I understand all the flack it got, I really liked Step By Step.

@italianpersonwithashippersheart @befuddledcinnamonroll hopefully you have not done this yet?

[frickingnerd]

i can't actually reply to the ask for some reason, so i'm answering it like this! as always:

answers for the ask game under the cut!

3 male characters I love:

my favorite male characters have recently shifted, with a new guy claiming the top spot. that one is no other than shinjiro aragaki! since i played persona 3 portable and romanced him (+got that eleventh social link with him 👀) he became my favorite guy! i really love him and he's such a tragic little guy. he'll break my heart a second time once p3 reload drops :')

my second favorite (and former first place) is yosuke hanamura! i liked yosuke from the start in persona 4 and he just grew on me so much over the game. he never left my party and he's been my favorite since my first day of playing the game. he's just great!

third place would have to go to goro akechi! i can't even remember why i was so interested in him when i started persona 5, but he just caught my attention from the start. his voice actor is absolutely amazing and akechi gets even better in the royal section of the game. he's just such a tragic character and so interesting!

3 female characters I love:

i'm not as passionate about the persona women as i am about the persona men. i like pretty much all of the girls equally, but a few stand out a bit. one of them being kotone shiomi aka. femc! i just love how silly she is and she's such a nice contrast to the male protagonist of persona 3. but she still keeps that tragedy that both of the protagonists have. honestly, she's by far my favorite girl!

my second favorite would have to be rise kujikawa! i knew i'd like her from the start and when i actually did her social link, i got so sad that i was already dating someone else, because turning down rise was so heartbreaking. rise is such a great and interesting character, as well as also being weirdly relatable!

my third pick would have to be makoto niijima (i'm seeing a trend here with my fav characters lmao). i just find her relatable and she's a very sweet character. she really grows a lot and i love that for her!

3 romantic ships I love:

my absolute favorite ship is foolmoon aka. shinjiro aragaki x kotone shiomi! everything about them is just perfect! they offer the right amount of angst/fluff ratio, their ship name is absolutely brilliant and they are both great characters, that get even better when put together! plus, there's something tragically beautiful about (major persona 3 spoiler coming now!) how when you pair them up in p3p, shinjiro actually survives the game, while kotone dies. the one that wanted to die lives, while the one that wanted to live dies. it's just... man, those two are breaking my heart in the best way possible!

no other ship can compete with them, but following my unintentional pattern, my second favorite ship is kanji tatsumi x naoto shirogane. i already love kanji a ton (he'd be my fourth fav guy, but he just barely didn't make the list) and he really gets to shine when he's with naoto. those two really are a straight ship made for gay people.

and my third pick is going to be aigis and kotone shiomi / makoto yuki. honestly, both of the protags with aigis are great! there's something so tragic about this ship, plus i love android characters like aigis that need to learn friendship, love, emotions and all that fun stuff. that pairing is really great as friends as well though! i just think they are neat together, no matter how!

3 platonic dynamics I love:

i have way more platonic dynamics i love, so this is kinda hard for me. i really love rise with both yosuke and kanji as friends! i can't really pick a favorite guy here, they are both great with rise!

another character that i just cannot pick for either is shinjiro aragaki, who i love with akihiko, fuuka and ken! each of those three for different reasons, but they are all great and really enhance his character!

that's more than three already, so i'll just... move on!

3 favorite moments in canon:

shinjiro's "secret eleventh social link" with the femc in persona 3 portable! first off, it's just a really sweet scene, plus it's great that you can still date him despite all of it. but then that social link itself is so funny, because... it highkey implies you two are fucking??? like with the right dialogue choices, you end up in his room and he tells you the whole "i'm not holding back if you stay". that caught me so offguard because i was just messing around with the dialogue choices and suddenly something's actually happening??? it's both sweet and funny, which is something you can't say about most scenes shinjiro is in, so i really appreciate it!

another canon moment i really love is the ending of persona 4, when everyone is running along the train and you get to see a picture of the investigation team :') it's just a very sweet scene and perfect to end the game with!

my third favorite canon moment would have to be the "bad" ending of persona 5 royal. because, it really isn't bad at all. it's happier than the "good" ending, which is a very interesting thing to do. that scene is just so incredibly bittersweet, knowing this is the "bad" ending, while also seeing everyone so happy. can it really be that bad if it makes them happy? :')

3 favorite headcanons:

i headcanon quite a lot of people as bi, but especially yosuke, kanji and naoto! kanji and naoto just give me "bi people in a straight relationship" vibe, while yosuke literally had a cut gay confession scene that i cannot ignore. also, he's such a disaster bi!

i don't really have that many big headcanons, so another one would have to be... haru likes otome games! and she gets ann & makoto to play a few of them as well (and both of them are lowkey into it).

my third headcanon is going to be that rise would've tried to become a streamer instead of an idol if that had been an option. sort of like iris from ai:tsf, who's half streamer and half idol. i think rise would've thrived like that and instead of taking a break from being an idol, she would've just taken a break and focused more on streaming!

3 least favorite things about it:

immediately spoiler for the ending of persona 3, but i hate that final boss! it has way too many phases! plus, i encountered a glitch during the last phase of that fight in my playthrough and it had took me almost two hours already to even get to that point. this one is just a personal grudge!

another thing i hate with a burning passion, even more than the p3 endboss, is the fact that you can date kawakami in persona 5! i really loved the first arc of persona 5, with kamoshida as the villain, since it's... relatable? saying it like that sounds bad, but hear me out: we all went to school and had teachers, some worse than others, so we all know a few teachers each. but how many politicians do you know? or how many famous artists? kamoshida was relatable because even if you never went through something that horrible, it's much more likely that you were wronged by a teacher before than a politician, famous artist or some mafia guy. i really loved how serious they took the kamoshida situation, only to be absolutely disgusted when seeing you could date kawakami. like, did we not just establish that teacher & student relationships are bad? did the people making persona 5 forget what the first ten hours of that game were about? or is it suddenly okay to have an age and power gap like that, because kawakami is a woman and "that's hot"? seriously, this is one thing i'm massively dissappointed about. also, in the same vein: why can you romance ken, a literal child, in persona 3? 🤨 that one is just as bad, but i just never did ken's social link so i never had the chance to build a hatred for this as strong as my hatred for the kawakami romance.

i think another thing i hate, which also fits my first point: the boss fight against haru's dad. it already sucks, but adding a timer to it? unforgiveable! timers are the worst thing to exist. i don't want to be rushed, i want to take my time with games. it's already a bad boss fight, but anything with a timer already gets ten times worse.

[petorahs]

i'm just gonna: ☀️ anon. There.

Anyway: I can see where you're coming from and like I said it has been forever since I played the Answer and I don't /hate/ it. But I guess I always had an issue with Yukari, because she seemed to me needlessly mean to others sometimes? Like she was right and others are wrong so its fine if she can be mean? But that is just what I /remember/. And while yeah, characters are allowed to be mean and not perfect and allways kind, especially female characters, because GOD FORBID women do anything- it also doesn't mean I have to LIKE her. I guess it's because to me Yukari felt like someone who would unironically call someone having fun "cringe", which for me personally is a dealbreaker. But Persona ALWAYS had this issue with having the male bestie be the buttmonkey of jokes, some kind of pervert and dunked on by the other characters and Junpei is still having it the best?? (Yosuke, Ryuji, you boys deserved so so much better).

In any case, I guess I couldnt give her as much leeway or credit because her personality didn't really mesh with me. But now being older I also think that it is BECAUSE of the writing. Persona Games have all extremely low points and extreme high points. The entire first palace is great in persona 5, Persona 4s social links with the Dojima family are really gripping and persona 3 is still one of my faves because it just came at the very right time in my life. (Who would've thought that a game about DEATH as its core theme would SAVE me.) But the writing is not always very consistent and the characters really suffer for it, usually for very stupid reasons like """""humor""""". I guess I am just trying to say that I get what you mean, but Yukari is just not my fave so I guess it is easier for me to lose patience. Like there are characters I'd go to war for in the persona series, so its easier for me to see the GOOD writing aspects, while others might greatly dislike them and therefore have a far easier time seeing the writing from more negative perspectives.

But your analysis has really given me some food for thought. I will definitely try to pay it more attention on a replay!

Oh ONE MORE THING!!!

It always felt like Yukari was pushed as a sort of "main love interest" which always kinda felt off to me when persona games do that. maybe its because i am gay and therefore see myself more representated by same sex couples/queer couples, maybe its because the persona developers believe men and women cant just be friends it always has to be something romantic, maybe its because the romantic writing always seemed forced and reliant on little events like in a romance shoujo manga- idk, but that was also something that rubbed me the wrong way. But that has been issues in P3-P5 throughout. And i feel like p3 got it the worst??? At least in later games you could opt for just a friendship even tho the writing still made it APPARENT THAT THE GIRLS ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU SPECIAL BOY!!! Sorry Yukari, that's not really your fault, thats a systemic fault.

yoo valid as hell though i get wym. if the character isnt for you then they arent for you and again, im not here to convince you otherwise of anything!

when you say it like that i can see why yukari's a bit of a mixed bag. i still like her tho she kinda a baddie and as a guy i like when girls are kinda mean to me so agree to disagree

ah yes the persona lovers arcana girl suffering from pushed "main love interest" syndrome.. i havent played any other aside from p3 and p5 but i heard rise gets worse. but like you said it is a systemic fault. to be real with you none of the romance options in p3 really enticed me despite 3 being hailed as ""the best dating sim"" out of all three modern games. maybe i just need to play portable. or be able to romance ryoji as makoto lmaoo (i saw a screenshot with ryoji saying he'd like you regardless of gender and. 😭 thanks for nothing i guess atlus?)

hard agree on the persona series as a whole having a tendency of doing something really good but then!!........ not. sticking the landing at all. theres so much to be said about it god these games are a hot mess on average its funny. as much as i adooore it, p3's pacing was so ass that i got severe tonal whiplash on oct 4. couldnt even begin to grieve cause i was so shocked

if you ever replay the answer (which. godspeed to you thats a whole grindfest i wouldnt wish on my worse enemy) i hope youre able to have fun and find new things about it to like! overall we can agree that its good so theres that. talk to you soon o7

[whyispotatoheadalreadytaken]

So, living with Mattie has been fine.

It made me nervous and anxious the closer we got to her moving in because I worried we would hate each other by the end. It’s always a vulnerable process of inviting someone into your space. The first couple of weeks were mostly fine, but some moments have made me tilt my head a little. The first moment was when I found that Jimbob had taken one of his sqeakers out of one of his toys. I got it out of his mouth and put it on the table. Later on, I squeaked it, and he came running for his toy. I laughed a little because it was funny!! He was so confused because I didn’t have a toy; I was just playing with him while waiting for Zoë to change so we could go on a walk. Then Mattie looked me right in the eye and said, “I can’t believe you’re gaslighting him into believing you have his toy, hahahahahahahahaha” and I had a very strong reaction to that. And then it was awkward, so I went on a walk. I strongly reacted to that because I have been textbook gaslit my entire childhood. I wasn’t “gaslighting” my dog. I was just playing with him for a minute. It wasn’t a serious thing! But then I started going back and forth in my brain like, “But am I gaslighting him??? Am I a terrible person??? Alright, no playing tricks on my dog because I guess that’s not funny.” But it really bothered me. As a person who has been gaslit and works in this mental health therapy realm, I don’t use the word in everyday life. It is a serious aspect of abusive relationships. So, it really rubbed me the wrong way. No one is perfect, and we all have toxic traits, but I wasn’t actively trying to be shitty to my dog. But who knows, maybe it’s not a good thing. She’s also a social work major, and the fact that she’s so okay with throwing those words around is not great. I hope she figures that out when she starts a real job.

We had all of the gabies (gay babies) for a game night a little while ago and they all kind of talk like that which is concerning to me. It’s a generational thing. We’re swinging too far in the other direction now.

Anyway, so she just recently got a job-finally-so we will see how that goes. It was touch and go there for a minute with her and her spending habits. I tried to be as understanding as possible because I know I was really bad with money when I got out from under my parents roof. It’s hard to not get everything you want when you get that freedom. But she said she would help out will bills and stuff and that has not happened yet. But she’s been able to go to trader joe’s and buy her fancy cheese. Again, just another head tilt thing. And I’m not gonna be that person who is like give me your money because, again, I know what that’s like. It doesn’t feel good. I’m also not going to let her starve, so I’ve been actively feeding her. I’m happy to if she wants to chip in on a portion of groceries each week. It’s easier for us all to have the same thing anyway. With that, she’s gained a weird sleeping schedule cuz she’ll sleep until 1 or 2 and then is up past midnight. Jimbob is still not used to having another person in the house so if he hears ANYTHING he barks like there is an intruder. AND SHE KNOWS THIS AND DOES IT ANYWAY. She be like yeah sorry he keeps barking at me when I go to take a shower (AT ONE IN THE MORNING). Girl, you don’t have any responsibilities, shower in the morning when you aren’t going to wake anyone up!!!! That is common sense to me. So, I’m hoping with this job, that problem will fix itself before we need to have a conversation about it.

            She is young and right out of college and has been homeschooled most of her life and so she doesn’t have a lot of life/people experience. I also think she may be on the spectrum at the lowest level. With Autism, the mental health community is shifting from higher and lower functioning to different levels as to not shame or stigmatize lower-level functioning individuals, which I think is a good thing. The lower-level functioning individuals aren’t disabled, they lack the ability to learn social skills in order to be contributing members of society and hold a job. They are perfectly fine, just out of the realm of what society deems normal. They also aren’t completely incapable of learning these skills, but it takes years and years to teach and for them to understand and follow through with social rules and norms. Anyway, all of that to say, is that I think she would be on the lowest level, which would be the highest functioning autistic individual. Basic social boundaries and ques aren’t something she seems to pick up on. For instance, I went to try to clean my bathroom Sunday night and went out into the kitchen for a lightbulb and she was there and trapped me in conversation about something I don’t remember right now as I was actively getting the lightbulb out of the box while saying things like, “Yeah, I need this lightbulb because I feel like I can’t see anything and I need to be able to see to clean.” And she would respond by saying, “Yeah, that would drive me crazy.” And proceed on with her thing she absolutely needed to tell me. I had also told her I was cool to watch The Hunger Games if I could finish cleaning my bathroom before 9. It was 8:30 at that point and she was still just like not even cognizant of that. I didn’t finish cleaning until about 10 and then Zoë was like yeah we can still watch – as I pierce her with my murder eyes because she knew I had set a boundary and still was like whatever!!! This is fine!!!! I didn’t sleep until after midnight. I don’t know if you remember this about me but I turn into a monster without sleep. I become irate, angry, and have zero fuse. Getting sleep is really important to me probably because I’ve struggled with sleep what feels like my entire life. And Zoë has consistently trampled on my ability to sleep for nearly 10 years now. Love that for me. Another reason I am so afraid to have children because no sleep is very much so a part of that and I don’t know if I can do it. I’m already not doing it.

Then there was the La La Land night. So, I had made the tweet to rib you a little and mattie saw the tweet. She agreed with me and was like yeah, I wasn’t really about that movie. It was fine. But later on, I don’t remember how this came up but I had mentioned RENT to Mattie who told me she had never seen it. She went to say something about it and stopped and said, “Yeah, I’m not gonna say what I was going to say.”

And I about started throwing hands. I was so upset. I wanted to push back and be like, “Okay, what is it? What is wrong with it? Tell me what is so problematic about this musical that you won’t watch it?” But I was tipsy and knew if I did that then it would go too far. So, I shut up, checked out of the conversation and listened to RENT instead. Then I was messaging you and made a mess of that and I was so upset. I walked briskly into the house, jumped in bed, and started watching La La Land on my phone because Mattie had agreed with me that it was a bad movie. I wasn’t even trying to say it was a bad movie I had just remembered that it made me feel bad. Anyway. I started the movie, which confused Zoë but I wasn’t willing to explain when our walls are so thin. Turns out La La Land is a good movie, but I don’t like it because it’s painful. It’s too real. I had always wanted a movie that had an unhappy ending and then La La Land came around and I couldn’t handle it. I swore I’d never watch it again, but here I was watching it again just to prove a point. Turns out it’s more painful now than ever before! Love that!

            This younger generation has no idea what it was like growing up just 10 years ago as a queer person. They think they know, and they don’t. I didn’t have explicitly gay things like Heartstopper, stranger things, derry girls, Love Simon, atypical, grace and frankie, or even orange is the new black. The last of us wasn’t even gay until I was an adult. All I had was RENT, Tegan and Sara, and Ellen. Everything else was maybe hinted at in things like Fried Green Tomatoes or Frozen. I didn’t have what they have now. I didn’t have Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker, Muna, Girl in Red, or any other big-name queer artists. I had I Kissed A Girl, which caused an upheaval in my life then. There were very few openly queer kids in school when I was growing up and zero when I went to college. The only reason Asbury even has a group is because of me and Kevin because I told Kevin that the initial one that Zoë, Jacob, and I had started was harmful because of who was leading it. So, Kevin (my therapist and head of mental health services) started an LGBTQ group that all of those kids get to have to support them now. I’ve never ever fought to receive credit for that. So, excuse me for taking it very personally when you insult things like RENT and Tegan and Sara, insulting the things that quite literally kept me tethered to this earth in a very real way. You don’t get to shit on the people who came before you who made society what it is today. Jonathan Larson didn’t create the masterpiece that is RENT as a form of activism for his LGBTQ friends who were dying all around him, only for him to die at 25, along with his activism for this generation to trample on the path that they paved. If you’re going to trample and invalidate the path they walked, you might as well be spitting on the path I’ve walked. I had no family, I still have no family. Those things were my family. And if I had grown up with all of the things you have today, I’d probably be with the person I was meant to be with. So, yeah, It’s personal. You don’t have to like it, but you don’t get to disrespect it. You don’t have that privilege. So, yeah. It’s been great. I’m not gonna pull the chick-fil-a card on her unless I really have to, but so help me god, I will pull it if it means that you stop riding this high horse as if you’re being a better queer person than me. WHICH IS SO STUPID WHAT DID I EVEN JUST WRITE UGHHH. But yeah, I feel old and like my entire life is completely invalid, so that's nice. I love that feeling.

[namuneulbo]

week forty

we practiced for the concert all day on monday and tuesday.

on tuesday i got some haikyuu stickers from r from the arts department. i offered to buy her a coffee as a thank u so we planned to go sometime within the rest of the week.

wednesday! concert day! we started at 1 pm and the concert started at 8. s wore a really pretty outfit and i was so flustered when i saw her lol i dont remember which day this was but we also played piano together. we played merry-go-round of life, i did right hand and she did left. i was gay panicking so hard. i think im getting a crush on her. shes so pretty w her red underdye and her nails that r always prettily done and her cute little habits and her cute obsession w coffee and sleep. i feel like dressing up and looking pretty at school for her.

concert went alright. i think i couldve sung better but i at least felt somewhat comfortable on stage since it was the second to last song and i sang it together w l. after the concert the teachers treated us w a bunch of snacks. me and l did the bare minimum to road everything. we r the singer stereotype.

thursday! after school i went grocery shopping and picked up some take-out on my way home so i could get some food in my system before my dad came and picked me up. i drove to a city nearby to go look at makeup for halloween. i ended up finding a good lipstick for less than 3€. i still have a mark from swatching the different colors on my hand. i found one in the perfect shade but it was maybelline so i ended up not getting it bc we do not like animal testing ! after shopping we went to my dads girlfriends place. i like his girlfriend, shes really nice. her place was small but nice, it looked really cool and it had like three floors.

i had earlier that day received the black thigh highs i ordered but i didnt have time to try them on until the evening. i received the wrong pair, i ordered patent ones but got matte ones. the shop was nice enough to give me the shoes for free and now im just waiting for my actual shoes to arrive. i like the matte ones too so i dont mind having them too lol

on friday i just had a bass lesson at 11. i really like bass. its a lot of fun and i definitely wanna get my own bass at some point. i went out for the coffee w r in the afternoon. it was more awkward than i expected and it made me kind of lose the remaining respect i had for her heh she only talked abt how her friends angry w her and then dropped the r slur. she just,,, brought my mood down a lot.

later around 5 pm i went back to school to play bass. its so fun, im obsessed!

on saturday i chilled the entire day and then in the evening i went to my brothers place w my dad. we had some drinks and i had like three and a half long drinks and i threw up once i got home. my dad was dogsitting his girlfriends dog so he was w us and omg was he being annoying. i love him but omg does he crave attention.

while at my brothers place we almost had a little game. i gave him a broad genre, like jazz or punk, and he showed me his fav artists within that genre. even if i didnt really care for the music or whatever it was still quite interesting seeing all the different talented musicians and my brother knows sm abt everything so i learnt a lot. my mom picked me up after i tried throwing up for a bit. my brother gave me a glass of water and i shugged that before leaving. ended up throwing up on the street outside our house and then threw up for a bit in the bathroom. i still felt a bit sick and just forced myself to sleep asap. i didnt get a hangover but i did feel weird in my stomach like one tends to do after throwing up lol.

today ive just played sims and watched lineup and smosh lol i started talking to this girl on badoo and shes so smooth and she calls me so many pet names im going to combust (i genuinely accidentally typed ‘cumbust’ and that wouldnt be too far off either). she literally talks like kaeya.

okay i gtg !!!!!!!!

sotw: the realist by onf

[retphienix]

Persona 5 Royal.

Hm.

I think even with the newform of post shortening I'll read-more this, so let me get a gist out of the way.

This easily became one of my favorite games. It's on the list, it's embedded in my mind, it's granted me interesting plot lines and characters and it's quickly given me something I'm happy to love.

There's the gist; And the elephant in the room is that I got a smile out of the mysterious glance at what appears to be Akechi in the background, that's fun.

Now to say.

Much.

I'll try to separate different thoughts with a header of sorts because this is gonna be a mess.

This game is honestly pretty incredible.

I feel like this is a weird way to start this out but, I didn't expect to so quickly play an RPG that so enraptured my mind and heart after DQ11.

I've played a ton of games that have touched me in various ways, but it's rare for me to play one that so thoroughly entrenches itself in the miasma of experiences that make up who I am; Just finds my core and sets up shop. Offers a mirror, offers challenges, offers a shoulder, and plenty more.

Playing a game like that isn't common; It's a matter of having something to say, or do, or show, and it's a big matter of personal bias.

It's just how art can hit ya, or miss entirely. Sometimes you find one that stops you in your tracks and you dwell on it for years after.

Despite playing a lot of games, I, and I assume most others, don't play games that hit that note too often.

It's rare.

I've played so many games I would happily recommend for being phenomenal in their own ways, but that list isn't fully comprised of titles like that.

When I played DQ11 I found myself with a story so dense with things I appreciate that it took over my mind for months. It's still left quite the impact, being a title that can easily bring a happy tear to my eye if I dwell on it too long as I find what they've told to be such a beautiful heroes' tale.

Persona 5 has hit that same deep place in my mind, and, in the grand scheme of things, so quickly after I just found a different title that did the same.

And this isn't by any means a ramble on how P5 is perfect; Far from it because that doesn't exist and because it was created by people- people aren't perfect- people don't make perfect things.

Just in the way of cultural differences and personal morals there are things in P5 that I simply believe weren't handled as well as they could have been, be that gay characters, flip flopping on whether sexual assault as a subject deserves respect or laughs, or the ways in which relationships with minors and adults are presented and treated.

While conversely at least some of these faults could be argued for by virtue of life itself not being perfect, but then it becomes a matter of what is your art's morality; What is it trying to say, and is it being presented because it's true to life, or because it's titillating, silly, or something a creator believes to be right.

I digress.

This is a ramble on how what P5 is is something extremely special to me. And an incomplete one at that, as I couldn't possibly revisit every important moment in this 236 hour (inaccurate*) long story on a post made at a whim at the end of said playthrough.

*= I was AFK a lot, and my gameplay included a lot of rendering video, it wasn't this long but my save sure was lol.

I don't (currently, maybe I should) keep notes of my playthroughs- the posts themselves are catalogues of my thoughts at each time. The finale post is more to sum up where my heart lands me, not to substitute a well rehearsed and scripted video essay.

I guess that makes this even less than an essay- it's just a ramble, lmao.

Let's start with the end because it's so fresh.

I'd say what I understand to be the base game ending (I'm assuming it's just the previous god going) was bombastic, exciting, and even had the bite of the metaverse disappearing and Mona potentially dying. I fucking adore that.

The ending of Royal is a lot more clean... and reminds me of something I already mentioned lmao.

Spoilers for DQ11 skip to next red text:

but both include a Perfect ending and a Broken But Hope Filled ending but inversely placed in the story.

DQ11 ends on the Perfect ending, with the weight of knowing you created the Broken But Hope Filled ending and effectively killed yourself out of that ending to create the perfect ending.

The point of it all being that you did the best you could for the world, then found a way to try to do even better for another cursed world (parallel timeline shenanigans), so you sacrificed the life you've fought for, and the relationships you've forged to 'try again'. The Perfect ending in this case IS perfect, just not for the Hero. They gave everything up for this as a sort of ultimate sacrifice.

P5R ends on the Broken But Hope Filled ending and you spent the last dungeon literally killing the Perfect ending because you refuse to give up the relationships you've forged and the meaning you find in the struggles you're lives have experienced.

I find that interesting. (continued but not spoilers anymore)

Royal's ending is bittersweet. We're saying goodbye (THAT SUCKS), the metaverse is (I believe) gone again- but that sting isn't as bad since it's already done that before, Akechi is 'dead' but he simply doesn't compare to Morgana who was a true friend through the entire game, and we gave up a utopia to get this.

The entire moral that lead us here is literally golden in my book- I appreciate the insistence that our experiences hold value, including the negative ones as we grow from them. But I think as far as ending on a bang or whimper it's a lot less flashy than the base ending seems to have been assuming assumptions assumingly on what that is lol.

Basically, I think base had a better ending, but Royal had more to say and what it had to say was very good in my book, it just then had to end and kinda went "Uh, then we ended, shit."

I still teared the hell up multiple times doing my Earthbound walk about in the post game. And I still wish desperately that I got to get closer with Yusuke and Haru.

AH I love all the damn characters so much.

I feel I've said it all on these fuckers, I love these dunces and they are the best. The party is one of the absolute best out there- it's truly a crew you WANT to be in, you want to go hang with these guys at a ramen place, you want to go hang at a library because one of them needs help with something, you want to go wander the shops with them, you just want to be friends with absolutely all of the party members (maybe not Akechi in the later game when he actually joins the party but that's a whole other complicated goof).

It's an accomplishment to go and create so many likable and befriendable characters- I love em.

And the side characters and confidants are just a fantastic eclectic group- I'm being so vague simply because due to how P5 is formatted, I'd argue 99% of my posts are just me talking about the characters because you GET to do all these things with them. You GET to go to the movies and study and hang at the baths- so I've said all there is, I'm sure.

But I love them. <3

Another thing I've talked plenty on already but is worth mentioning in this finale post is that fantastic gameplay

I literally can't expand on it much in one post so I'll leave it simple.

It's flashy, it's EXTREMELY involved, it's combo heavy in a fantastic way (and with multiple avenues for combos!), and the worst I can say about it is that on Normal difficulty it became exploitable pretty early on and didn't really challenge directly much until the end, but, difficulty is not the end all of the gameplay's quality.

You want to feel involved and challenged in *some* way (if not direct difficulty), and I felt both of those things- just without much risk of failure. Arguably- ARGUABLY- that's damn near perfect. But for preference, I'd have preferred a slightly harder time- more HP on enemies and more risk of losing- but this isn't a complaint- it's a recognition that I will probably highly enjoy replaying on a harder difficulty :)

Simplifying the entirety of the gameplay to combat would be a crime though because this game was also half life sim, and quite an enthralling one at that. Hell, half isn't enough, MOST of this game was life sim, and I loved it so much more than I thought I would.

It also kinda screwed me a bit because I LOVE reading everything I have access to at any given moment.... and this meant a metric ton of reading every day, sometimes accomplishing next to nothing.

You could easily do all the things I did in this game in like 10 hours of gameplay, but it took me 23 times that because I would regularly take trips EVERYWHERE to seek out new NPC dialogue that added nothing to the game itself but was quintessential to my experience.

Loved it.

And before I close for good on this playthrough, I want to just speak some appreciation towards some of the morals and themes in here.

Not all, I'm stupid (for one), and tired (another), and some fucked up third thing as well so just a couple that I feel like talking about.

For one, RIDICULOUSLY big fan of the personal justice angle. It lent itself to so many narratives about the problems with the world from the angle of these things being normalized, expected, or accepted by society at large- but that doesn't mean we should accept them and stop trying to make things better.

It's just a solid theme to build around and it tied itself to the motivations of our characters so damn well with many of them being upset at how Adults handle the world or mistreat others and seeking to make things better.

Also, if the like 8 times I brought it up didn't make it clear, a big fan of the strength of kindness in the Akechi - Joker storyline. It's really a show of how Joker's refusal to turn his back on others, even people as, to be frank, shit as Akechi with his murder fun time nonsense, is literally what grants Akechi his moment of redemption.

That murder kid really tried to turn self sacrifice into a selfish move for personal revenge, and Joker's refusal to be insincere to him left Akechi stunned as his motivations were changed in real time right before he died- that's just a fun narrative, man.

And while I think it made the stakes feel less "scary" than the prior chapter, I really do enjoy how Maruki was our final baddie since he's quite literally a goodie.

It offered a completely different angle to challenge the PT's morals and allowed us to end on a narrative about the worth of our whole life experience rather than a narrative on defeating evil, it was honestly a really good choice in my book.

And I suppose that wraps up this mindless ramble.

To close I just want to say, I fuckin' love this game. It's a favorite now, as I've said.

I'd also like to say I'm surprised that getting to the post game wasn't as demanding as I was initially lead to believe.

I had been lead to believe, since launch of Royal, that this game was some weird "Do it perfectly or you're fucked" kind of game.

I avoided playing Royal for YEARS, because I thought I'd HAVE to shove a guide down my throat in order to experience half the game.

But as it turns out the Royal content is rather short, all things considered. And the requirements are MILES less intense than I was lead to believe- like- MILES. I thought you needed all confidants or else, like, it's not that hard lol.

Getting a perfect run on a blind run is a bit rough, but even that isn't remotely out of the cards if my playthrough is anything to go by.

And on whether / when I'll play more; Now that I've seen the credits, I'm not sure.

This playthrough was.... strange for me. When I pick a game up for the blog I usually stay pretty consistent with it. I've had flubs here and there over the years, but this might be the single most disjointed playthrough I've ever done- with months of no updates multiple times throughout just because of where I was outside of playing.

But because of this, I've basically been playing this game for 8 months. That's a long time to be on one single player game that I think a few weeks coulda done.

Kinda want something else. But my desire to play through on a harder difficulty, on NG+, and to get a perfect end to my playthrough with all confidants maxed remain.

Part of me wants to just jump right back in- especially since very very little of it would "need" (I do this for fun lol) to be blogged about in the first place, but a lot of me wants to sit this on the shelf and come back later in life.

And a lot of me also worries that doing that might table it too long, as I table many things and then decide new experiences trump them.

This game has the benefit of being one of my all time favorites now, so it's less likely, but I mean. FFT is an all time favorite. Doing modded runs of that for the blog has been backlogged for years. I don't want to put replaying P5R off that long at all.

But enough idle worrying in my game diary.

I am going to play something else for a while. That's my current plan. Mostly because that whole mishap with myself that caused this playthrough to be so disjointed is very much still a struggle- so I don't want to dive into a full new playthrough that's just as disjointed.

I might set a date for myself; Come back in a year's time perhaps. I have nothing set in stone. But I want to replay this. Harder difficulty, NG+, perfect confidants. I want that.

We'll find out when.

In the mean time I'm going to bask in the post-game joy of this phenomenal title.

I'm grateful for the opportunity.

And thank you to all who saw fit to interact through this playthrough- I doubt many would get this far into this nonsense post to see said thanks, but I'm sending that out there into the world all the same.

This was a ridiculously positive gaming experience in terms of the game, and a pleasure to chat with some fans.

Everyone, have a good one :)

[yikesharringrove]

We’re Us

A little commishy for my bxtch @thinger-strang.

Read on Ao3

This shit is SOFT

-

“Dustin, we all saw that fireball hit you,” Will said accusatorily, gesturing to the red bean bag on the ground at Dustin’s feet.

“Okay, first of all, you’re supposed to call a pause of play before using my real name,” Dustin said, all in one breath. “And second of all, the fireball only hit my lute, therefore I sustained no physical damage.” Dustin gestured to the cereal box that was taped to a jump rope, slung over his shoulder like it was a prized instrument.

“No, it didn’t. We all saw it hit your shoulder. You’d lose that arm at least, and take probably, like, fifty damage points.” Lucas pretended to aim a bow and arrow at Dustin while he spoke.

Dustin was getting dangerously close to huffy territory.

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll take the stupid damage points. Can we resume play yet?”

Everyone nodded, and they fell right back into battle.

It wasn’t often they took the game off the DnD board, but the weather was perfect, summer beginning to make itself known a little earlier than usual, giving them April days that were clear and perfect and made for the best LARP sessions known to Indiana.

Will aimed a fireball at Max, and launched it right as she darted out of the way. It sailed past her, missing her left hand by less than an inch, and she laughed wildly, raising her pool noodle sword and aiming blow after blow at him.

The bean bag hit the fence and went spiraling awkwardly into the small alley between the house and the old wooden fence

It was Will’s last fireball, and he hurried to retrieve any he could reach, dodging as best as he could around Max’s wild sword-wielding.

She tended to wallop them as hard as she could, somehow knocking the wind out of them with her soft excuse for a sword.

Will scrambled to pick up his bean bag from the overgrown grass and curling weeds, catching his breath quickly in the alley where he couldn’t be seen.

And then a sound drew his attention away from the battle.

It was a soft sound. He wouldn’t have heard it if the rest of the party had been so quietly focused on battling one another less than twenty feet away.

But he did hear it, and his head whipped around to find the source of it.

Steve and Billy.

Against the house.

Kissing.

It was like time stood still.

Like Will had been hit by one of Mage El’s freezing bombs.

Steve had Billy pushed up against the side of the house, their bodies pressed flush together.

Steve was clearly propping up Billy with his body, Billy’s mobility cane, the one he had let them cover in stickers, was laying forgotten on the ground.

Billy’s arms were wrapped around Steve’s shoulders, his hands curled in the fabric of Steve’s t-shirt. Steve had his arms wrapped around Billy’s waist, half holding him close, half not letting him fall without his cane.

They were kissing like they were trying to devour one another, and Will realized that the sound he had heard was a moan.

It wasn’t like seeing Lucas and Max kiss, or Mike or El, or even Nancy and Jonathan.

Seeing Billy and Steve,

Will knew he shouldn’t be seeing them.

He knew this was wrong, and people said two boys kissing was foul and bad.

But this didn’t look anything but, well, loving.

The way Steve was making sure Billy didn’t fall while they kissed, the way sometimes they would pull back and smile, their faces never moving more than a few inches away from one another.

One of Billy’s rough hands left its place clawed in Steve’s t-shirt, reaching forward to brush one thumb clumsily down his cheek.

They pulled back from one another, smiling stupidly, still staring into each other’s eyes.

Billy brushed his thumb down Steve’s cheek again, and Steve moved like he was nuzzling into the touch, turning his head to the right, pressing a kiss to Billy’s rough, scarred palm.

It made Will feel like he was floating in space with nothing keeping him down.

Steve pressed a kiss to Billy’s cheek, then his nose, then his other cheek, and Billy’s cheeks flushed and he giggled, a sound that was so foreign to Billy Hargrove it almost made Will rub his eyes to make sure he was seeing the right person.

And Billy smiled, so calmly and easily.

It made his whole face change. He looked like a completely different person.

And Will realized, he’s never actually seen Billy smile like this.

The only times he’d come close, we tight tiny things that never reached his eyes and were dropped within a second or two.

This was a genuine smile, full of genuine happiness, and god -

They’re in love.

They’re two boys, and they’re standing right in front of Will and they’re in love.

They went back to kissing, moving their heads slowly side to side, their mouths opening and closing and Will was so aware of having never kissed anyone before.

“Will, seriously! I’ve been yelling for you-”

Mike stopped talking the second he rounded the house.

He was stalk still, his mouth hanging open like a dead fish at what he saw.

Will’s heart was thundering against his ribcage, and he tried to push Mike back towards the game, pleading quietly at him to move.

And then the rest of the group was joining them. Faces mirroring Mike’s dead fish expression as they stared, open-mouthed, at Steve and Billy.

Will had his back to them, but in the quiet, he could hear. He could hear the soft sounds and the moans, and even the giggles that made his face go hot and his stomach do a whole gymnastics routine inside of him.

Will was staring at each of his friends in turn, pleading with them to just turn right around, and continue on with play as nothing had ever interrupted their battle.

Like they haven’t just stumbled on a huge and dangerous secret.

He went as far as to push Lucas, gently shoving him backward saying go! Go! Under his breath.

The last thing he needed was for Steve and Billy to notice them here. To realize what they had seen. What they know.

And then-

“What the fuck?”

Billy and Steve broke apart, looking towards the entrance of the alley, and seeing all six of the party, staring at them.

Max had been the one to speak, and she was looking at Billy oddly, almost like she didn’t know who he was.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, her voice quavering slightly.

Billy looked like he wanted to ground to swallow him right up.

Steve scrambled for the forgotten cane, keeping one hand on Billy’s elbow as he crouched down.

The movement made Will’s stomach flop over.

It was practiced.

Once Billy was standing on his own with the cane, Steve approached the kids calmly, his hands raised up like they were all wild animals that might attack at any moment.

“Look, I know how this looks, and you guys can’t-”

“It looks like, you guys were making out .” Dustin’s tone was hollow, and he looked as struck dumb as the rest of them.

“I know, and I mean, yeah. We were, but you need to listen -”

“Steve.”

Steve whipped right around when he heard the murmur.

Billy was standing slumped over against the house, one scarred, shaking hand covering his face, the other clutched so tightly to his cane his knuckles were white.

“Bill, I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. You’re okay.” Steve rushed to Billy’s side, holding onto his elbow again, brushing his fingers softly through Billy’s short hair, winding his fingers through the wild curls that were just long enough to form. “I’ll deal with this. It’s okay. They’re not going to tell.” Steve glared at the kids when he said that, as if daring them to argue.

Billy kinda, fell forward, leaning against Steve once again, his face going into Steve’s neck.

Steve didn’t react, still brushing his fingers through sandy blond curls.

“You all know what could happen to us if people found out?”

Nobody answered him.

Truth is, they did know.

They knew the stories about young men being beaten nearly to death. Being run out of town or put in the hospital over nothing but a rumor.

Being gay wasn’t something that was tolerated in Hawkins.

Hell, Will himself has been pushed around and called queer as long as he could remember.

Even by his own father.

“We won’t tell anyone.” Will felt like how Billy looked. Like he was shaking apart right in front of them. “I promise. We won’t. Not anyone.” He could barely get the words out. It was like his jaw had locked up with the rest of his bones.

He thinks it would kill him if anything happened to Billy and Steve over this. They needed to keep them safe.

He needed to keep them safe.

“Yeah. I promise,” El parroted. Steve beamed at them.

Will knew El had been very confused the first time she heard about Ryan Anderson, the high school sophomore that had been humiliated and beaten so badly his family had to leave town six years ago.

She didn’t understand how a boy that liked to kiss other boys was something that merited violence.

Hopper had surprised them all by saying that it didn’t, but some people felt like it did.

Who you kiss doesn’t matter as much as who you are. If you’re a good person, it’s all just extra fodder. But some people like to they’re better than anyone that’s different than they are.

El had called those people bad and that was the end of it.

“Billy, I won’t tell.” Max didn’t take her eyes off Billy while she spoke. “I swear. I’ll never tell anyone. Not even mom.”

Billy’s hand flexed on the handle of the cane, and his knees gave a wobble. Steve kept him upright, leaning over to murmur into his ear.

Will could just barely make out the words I’ve got you.

“I promise, too.” Dustin’s cereal box/lute was forgotten on the grass at his feet. “The party protects each other. It’s one of our laws.”

“Yeah, we stick together. This isn’t different.” Max gave Lucas a watery smile when he spoke up in turn.

Mike was quiet.

It was well-known how much he disliked both Steve and Billy.

All of the kids had some trouble trusting Billy after everything that had happened last summer. Billy didn’t seem to blame them. He kept to himself, even when he moved from his cold room in the military hospital into the Byers’ spare bedroom seven months ago, he was like a ghost moving through the house.

Only Steve could make him come out of his shell in those early days. Only Steve could make Billy join them for dinner and movie nights, take slow walks around the yard with his walker, and later with his cane. Only Steve could make Billy’s shoulders relax from their defensive position up around his ears, and now, it was finally dawning on everyone why.

The kids mostly left him alone, only Max and El bridging the gap and actually speaking to him. Max had been determined to see Billy through his recovery, glaring at him and watching like a ginger hawk while he did his physical therapy, practicing his grip and moving buttons from one bowl to another.

El would sometimes talk to Billy in a hushed voice. She would get him on his own and hush words like Papa and Mama and bad and Billy would have to retreat to his bedroom for slowly decreasing amounts of time.

Nobody but Joyce and Hopper knew what she saw in Billy’s head. They were just informed that he wouldn't be returning home after his two-month stint in the military hospital. Max hard clenched her jaw and nodded jerkily and nobody dared ask any further questions.

He and Will traded a lot of good mornings and tended to generally avoid eye contact when they came across one another in the house.

But none of them hated him, they were just a little weary.

Mike, on the other hand, had some unexplained vendetta against both Billy and Steve and Will found himself willing Mike to be kind in this moment. To not see this as some power over them, or something.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Dustin’s right. We protect each other.”

Steve gave them a smile that was so dazzling and bright, it almost gave off its own light.

His eyes were shining and he gave a watery laugh.

“They really meant it when they said children are the future.”

“Who said?” El asked him.

“I don’t know, actually. Just people, I guess.” Steve shrugged, jostling Billy who was still nestled in his shoulder. “Look, seriously guys, thank you. I can’t even imagine how I would’ve felt if-nevermind.” He cut himself off quickly, shaking his head. “It just means a lot. To both of us.” Steve smiled at them one last time, this time much softer and thoughtful. “You’re good kids.”

Nobody said anything else. They didn’t know what to say to Steve.

“I came back here to get my fireballs. I, uh, I got ‘em.”

Everyone looked back at Will, and, almost like they were coming out of a trance, began picking their makeshift weapons back off the grass, and chattering idly as they went back to the yard in order to continue their battle.

Will lingered for a second, looking over his shoulder at Steve and Billy, who were still wound together.

They were talking softly, and Will was pleased to see Billy lift his head back up, still looking pale and nervous, but smiling at Steve.

He leaned back down and planted a kiss on Steve’s neck, right above the edge of his t-shirt.

Will felt his face go hot, and tugged himself away, going back to the game.

It wasn’t until well after dinner, when everyone else had gone home, that they spoke about it again.

Will. Will! Do you copy? Over.

The static rasping of Mike’s voice through the walkie-talkie was coming from under Will’s bed where he had stashed it.

He quickly turned down the volume dial on the side before answering.

“Yeah, Mike. I copy. Over.”

“We need to talk about today,” Mike said through the walkie. “I mean, did you have any idea? Over.”

“No. I didn’t,” Will said, truthfully. Finding out had made a lot of things clunk into place, but that doesn’t mean Will knew. “Over.”

“It’s just, neither of them seem the type. You know? Over.”

Something about that statement didn’t sit too right with Will.

Before he could respond another voice crackled through the channel.

“This is gold leader joining the conversation to let Mike know he’s being a dick. Over.”

Will laughed. Trust Dustin to listen in on the conversation and come forward to defend Steve.

“Lucas, do you copy, too? Over.” Will waited a moment after he asked.

“Yeah, I copy. I wanted to hear what you all were saying first. I don’t really know what to think about all this. Over.”

“I don’t think there’s much to think about. Steve seems happy. Billy too, I guess. Over,” said Dustin.

Will’s heart swelled with a pride he didn’t quite understand at Dustin’s words.

Outside in the hall, the phone rang.

Will heard his mom scramble to pick it up, calling softly down the hall for Billy, and the unmistakable thumping of Billy and his cane coming to take the call.

He heard his mom scrape a chair over for him and retreat to her room, giving him some privacy.

“It’s just scary, you know? Like, something really bad could happen to them if anyone else found out.” Will thought for a second. “You think anyone else knows? Over.”

“Robin. She was making comments to Steve a few days ago about his secret relationship and I kept asking him about it until he punched me in the arm. She knows. Over.”

“I’m just confused,” Mike sighed down the line. “Steve dated my sister for like, a year. And Billy is always disgusting and flirting with my mom. Or at least, he would do that. You know, before. Over.”

“Yeah, that’s just Billy being Billy,” Max chimed in.

“You have to say over when you’re finished. Over.”

“ Fine, dickheads. Over.”

“That makes sense, but Steve and Nancy doesn’t. Over.”

“Lucas, it doesn’t have to make sense. David Bowie says he likes guys and girls. Billy has, like, three different magazines where he says that. Over.”

“Max is right. We don’t have to understand any of this. They seem happy, and good together, and that doesn’t really concern us. Over.” Will was hoping he could speed through the rest of this conversation. He could hear Billy in the hall, shifting and murmuring something Will couldn’t make out but was dying to overhear.

He had a feeling he knew who was calling.

“But, now it does concern us. We know. And as we’ve previously established, the more people that know, the more danger they could be in. Over .” Dustin almost sounded as though he might cry.

“Then, we can’t talk about it. Not unless we know for a fact that we aren’t going to be overheard. And maybe we should give them codenames. Only call them something like Han and Leia when there’s a chance of someone listening in. Over.”

“I like Lucas’s codename idea, but I’d rather die than call them Han and Leia. Over.”

“Okay, Mike, it was the first thing that came into my head! What, you think you have a better idea? Over.”

“I don’t know. Harold and Maude? Over.”

“That’s stupid, Mike. Clearly, they’re Bert and Ernie. Over.”

Will snorted at Max’s suggestion. He heard Billy coughing wildly in the hall. He listened carefully to him until it died down and he knew it wasn’t a bad one.

“I think we’ve come to an agreement. If we need further discussion, codenames: Bert and Ernie. Okay, my mom wants me to spend time with her tonight. So this is gold leader, signing off. Over and out.”

“I’m going too. Over and out,” Mike said.

“Over and out,” said El, not surprising any of them that she was listening in. She did that a lot. Simply listen to her own walkie, and when asked why she didn’t say anything would shrug and go nothing to add. They only asked that she sign off so that they knew she got whatever information they had discussed.

Everyone followed with their own sign-offs, and Will twisted the top knob on his walkie, shutting it off.

There was a moment of silence out in the hall, and then three beats on Will’s door.

He found Billy on the other side, slumped in the chair under the phone, his cheeks going red.

“Can’t get up,” he grunted. “Can’t reach the hook.”

Will didn’t say anything, nodding quickly and avoiding eye contact as he took the phone, placing it carefully back on the hook.

Billy got stuck in chairs fairly often.

His core muscles had been slashed up worse than anything else, and sometimes he just needed a good pull up.

Will took hold of his wrist, leaning his body weight backward to yank Billy to standing.

Billy kept his weight heavily on his cane, patting Will once on the upper arm in thanks.

“You guys know Steve has one of your little walkie-talkies, right?”

“ What ?”

Will genuinely didn’t know that.

“Dustin gave him one. I don’t know when, but he’s got it.”

“So, uh, so he heard. Everything.”

“And relayed it all to me through an embarrassing amount of tears, by the sounds of it.”

But Will could see that Billy’s eyes were brighter than usual in the dark, and suddenly Will remembered that there had been a wet spot on Billy’s sleeve.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I mean, well, you’re good kids. All of you.” Billy patted him on the shoulder again. “I was shitting myself out there when you found us. Thought for sure one a’ yous would go squealing.”

“Maybe we would’ve. Before.”

“Never thought I’d be grateful for nearly being turned inside-out.”

“And I never thought I’d be grateful for being found dead in the water, but here we are.”

“Yeah, shit’s pretty weird if you stop and think about it for a few minutes. Near-death experiences really put your sexuality in perspective.”

“Is that why you two started dating? Perspective?”

Billy huffed a breath, looking up towards the ceiling. He coughed twice, and Will could pretty much hear his lungs rattle and crackle.

“Yeah. ‘S why we started dating. Both of us kinda realized there’s no sense in feeling like shit about the things that can actually make you feel not like shit.”

“So, you’re in love? Both of you?”

Billy’s cheeks were flooded with color, the deep red spreading all the way back to the tips of his ears.

“I think so. We’re both a little too fucked in the head to say it, but,” he shrugged lamely, not bothering to finish his thought, and looking anywhere but at Will.

He gets it, though.

Fucked up parents make for fucked up kids.

Will considered himself the luckiest person on Earth, and any kinda parallel universe, that he had his mom to stop, and later heal, all the damage his dad had caused.

“Well, I’m glad that you have it. Both of you. I mean, we saw you guys. And after everything, it's good that you’re happy.” And Will meant it.

Even before last summer, he had never seen Billy look the way he did when he was kissing Steve. Look that calm, and relaxed, and that goddamn happy. It really meant something.

Especially to Will.

Because he had never thought of someone looking that happy when they kissed someone else.

He had never thought of a boy looking that happy when he kissed another boy.

Billy surveyed Will for a moment, still leaning heavily on his cane in the hallway.

Will had the suspicion that Billy could see right through him.

“He came to visit me a lot when I was in the hospital. Steve, I mean. I don’t know why he did. It’s not like we were friends or anything. But one of those days, when I was barely awake he started talking about everything that happened those couple days.” Billy shifted closer to the wall, bracing himself with one hand as he lowered himself back into the chair. “The Russians. I don’t know what he’s told you kids, but it wasn’t pretty.”

“He hasn’t said anything. I mean, we all saw how he looked after, so we figured maybe he got in a fight.”

Billy chewed on his bottom lip.

“Look, you gotta swear not to tell any of the others this, but, uh, it was a bit more than a fight.”

Billy was giving him a meaningful look and something churned around in Will’s stomach.

“Torture?”

Billy gave a tiny, shaky nod.

“He started talking about it. Said after that, he started thinkin’ about shit different. Said he thought he was gonna die down there and that nothing would change without him. It was heavy, and I was mostly feeling the same way, and I think that’s why he told me. Knew that I could get it. After that he kept visiting, and I noticed that I didn’t hurt as much when he was there. Or maybe I did, but having him there, squinting at the t.v. ‘cause he can’t see worth a’ shit, or making some stupid comment about a nurse on the floor just made it easier. He makes a lotta shit easier.”

“I think that’s what it should be like. I don’t think love should make things harder.” Will thought of his mom and dad, and how different she acted with Hopper.

Like she didn’t hurt as much when he was there.

“It was hard in the beginning. I mean, before we got together. I thought that he didn’t feel the same way, you know? That I was just being an idiot, feeling like that for my best friend. But then he told me. He’s always been a lot braver than people give him credit for. Anyway, he told me, and it should’ve been fucking terrifying. And I was scared of people finding out. Still am, but it’s like, even if we get run outta town, and everyone we care about turns against us, it’ll be fine because we’re not just me an’ him, we’re us .”

Billy blinked quickly, almost as if he was surprised by his own words.

They clanged around in Will’s head.

We’re not just me an’ him, we’re us.

“You don’t have to be scared, though. I mean, of people finding out. Of turning against you both. We won’t let that happen. Not about something like this.”

Billy gave him a weak smile.

“I guess it makes sense. I mean, you all took me in after killing half the town. Tracks that you wouldn’t throw me out for. Being gay.”

“There are worse things to be than gay.”

“Psycho killer not one of them?”

Will gave Billy as unimpressed of a stare as he could muster.

“That wasn’t you. You forget, I know what it was like to have him controlling me. I know what it’s like to not do anything to stop him, even when you are fighting with everything you’ve got. I nearly killed my mom. I even might have, if I’d been stronger. You fought against him, and in the end, you won. I never could’ve done that.”

Billy just stared at the wall slightly above Will’s left shoulder.

“I killed people, too. When he had me. Led a whole group of people right into a trap. And it still scares me what he did. But I know that it wasn’t me that did it. It wasn’t you that did any of that, Billy.”

“I tell myself that. Hell, Steve tells me that about every five minutes. Just hard to watch yourself doing that awful shit and not be able to tell your body to knock it off.”

Will didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t.

Billy was right. It was a nightmare watching yourself hurt people around you, feeling like you were in the backseat, screaming at yourself to stop.

But Billy had done what Will couldn’t’ve.

Right at that last moment, he stood up to the thing controlling his every move.

Stood up to that horrific flesh monster, adn died rather than let it kill El.

El, who he didn’t even know.

And then Billy’s bedroom door down the hall opened slowly, and Steve poked his head into the hall, swearing under his breath when he saw someone in the hall with Billy and trying to duck out of sight, knocking the back of his head into the doorframe and swearing again.

Billy laughed, a low wheezy laugh that ended in a short coughing fit.

“Real fuckin’ subtle, Harrington,” he choked out.

The door opened once more and Steve stepped out into the hallway, trying to look casual.

“I didn’t realize it was you there, Will. How’s it goin’?”

Billy laughed again, and gestured for Steve to come and help him stand up.

Steve did so quickly, smiling warmly at Billy when he had righted him on his feet, and keeping hold of Billy’s arm.

“Why are you sneakin’ in my window like some kinda perv?”

“Because I wanted to talk. I have a lot of emotions today.” Steve turned to address Will. “You kids are gonna be the death of me. And I mean that in the nicest way I possibly can.”

“Yeah, well. You guys are family.” Will shrugged, feeling very awkward when both Steve and Billy. Looked as though their eyes were overbright. Will panicked, trying to think of an exit strategy before he saw either of them cry.

He had seen them both in too many intimate moments today.

“Um, I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna go to bed. Let me know if you need, uh, help tomorrow. You know, heading of my mom or anything.”

Will turned on his heel and slipped back into his own bedroom.

“Alright, Bert. It’s been a long day and I’m gonna need some help getting into bed. My legs have gone totally stiff.”

“Oh, in no way am I Bert! I’m totally Ernie. You’re Bert. Think about it: you’re surly, and rude, and-”

“Gonna dump you if you don’t shut up and help me go to bed.”

“Spoken like a true Bert.”

[takaraphoenix]

Ship game!! What about Nico and Will?? It’s pretty popular, but I don’t think I’ve seen you write much of it…

That's an interesting one in that I have vocalized my reasons for disliking it way back when it first became popular but instead of just linking that, it has been years so I think it's time for an updated version.

Firstly: This post is gonna be properly tagged and not crosstagged so if any shipper comes across it and feels the need to bitch about it, just don't; your lack of curating your own tumblr experience is not my problem! ;D

Now, there are three key factors that play into my dislike of this ship: How it was written, what it represents, how the fandom around it acts.

1. It’s rushed and uncomfortable

In BoO, it was incredibly rushed. They had literally five sentences of interactions before they walked into the literal sunset together. Five. It was just entirely born from Riordan's Noah's Ark Complex, where he just can't let people be single. The series was ending and he needed Nico to have an endgame so he rushed into some random romance with zero build-up.

The way their interactions went down was also severely uncomfortable for me. Will was acting so offended by Nico not wanting to go to camp and be friends in an entitled way that he had no right to be, he downright guilt-tripped Nico about how he had wanted to be friends. Nico has been just so severely traumatized at such a young age and his coping mechanism, as unhealthy as it was, was to run away and hide. Will acted like Nico not wanting to form attachments to people who could potentially leave him again was somehow just an Edgy Emo Decision and not a direct reaction to his trauma. His entire approach to Nico was basically all these hippie posts of "Don't have depression!! Just go out into the sun and stop being depressed!", which is already a bad take with non-medical people but he's supposed to be a doctor (and let's not get into the shadiness of him technically being Nico's doctor).

There is also an inherent "I can fix him" angle to this ship and to me, only few ship dynamics are more uncomfortable than that. If you want to fundamentally change a person's behavior and personality, you... don't actually want to be with this person.

Now, here's where my points overlap, because the following parts of their writing that bothers me also stand for what this ship fundamentally represents.

2. Solangelo is a queer ship written by and for straights

I'm a queer woman and as a queer woman, I want queer wish-fulfillment, not what straights want out of queerness. I'm kind of tired of that, I've been sitting through it for enough decades now. That's, of course, not to say that no straight writer can give proper queer representation, but far too often do straight writers - even the most well-meaning ones - project straight desires of queerness into their queer representation.

Let me explain that closer through this ship.

Nico's been in love with Percy for years and I'm going to do my best to not hijack this post with some Percico agenda; that's not what this his about, this isn't some "my ship is better than your ship" ship-war nonsense. It's simply a canonical fact that Nico has had romantic feelings for another character for years.

A character who, in this medium, is heterosexual. And if you're queer, you've been there. In love with your straight best friend. It's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

We have also all been well-meaningly rejected by said straight friend.

And here's the straight desires for you: The queer person who was in love with a straight person just immediately stops having those feelings and will then as quickly as possible fall in love with the next queer person they meet to be happy and no longer uncomfortably in love with a straight person, because that thought makes the straights uncomfortable.

Queer wish-fulfillment would be for Percy to return those feelings, for the queer character to get his first love, to not be rejected. That thing queer teens always dreamed about for themselves.

Aside from the wish-fulfillment angle, the pacing is another problem. Let me repeat, Nico was in love for years. But a five sentence conversation with Will once causes a crush on Will and we see him physically turn away from Percy and toward Will just immediately to rebound and actually fall out of love with Percy and in love with Will. Anyone who's ever been unlucky in love will attest to just how unrealistic and ridiculous the pacing here is.

It's also straight queerness in another respect; Nico has been the first ever queer character we meet in that world. He loves a straight guy - and to get over that, we introduce the second queer character. Because heaven forbid there are multiple queers to pick from. No, in straight-written queer romances, there is always that one main queer and then they introduce a second one and the two just immediately hit it off and develop a romance like all a queer person needs to form attraction to someone is the confirmation that the other person shares your sexuality.

Also the notable gay guy on gay guy ship here, whereas the more queer-wish-fulfillment option would have also included more nuance to the queer experience, because Percy doesn't have to be heterosexual just because he has only been with girls so far. It's a very old-fashioned - think 90s and early 2000s - kind of straight-written queerness that there are only exactly two homosexuals and that those two homosexuals then pair up.

And, listen, I'm not immune to these outdated straight-written queers entirely, I have many such ships that I grew up with that I am still fond of because they were groundbreaking at that time and they weren't outdated yet back when they happened in said 90s and early 2000s. I am however a grown woman now and just like I have grown, so has queer rep so I am not as easily baited into falling onto my knees in gratitude for canon rep. You have to go with the times. And this ship, by all that is given to us, is just entirely outdated straight-written rep.

Which, I mention earlier that even straight-written rep can be good. If the author tries. Riordan doesn't really try though; he does the bare minimum when he writes any of his rep - and there have been many, many more qualified voices being very vocal about his depiction of people of color and, as a woman, I've been vocal about his depiction of women. I don't want to derail this post with all of that, but I do think that it bears mentioning that Riordan doing rep but only doing a bare minimum and not putting in the necessary work to deepen the representation he wants to give is a repeating pattern that has been pointed out many times by now.

(I’d also like to point out that no, it is not just the ship and not just the listed instances that make it straight-written rep for straights. It’s Nico’s entire queer arc, starting with his forced coming out. A severely traumatizing event that is completely brushed over because the straight author doesn’t understand the impact this has on queer people. Not to mention the framework; Nico’s coming out isn’t Nico’s story, it happens in Jason’s POV, it is given to us through the POV of the straight bystander who gets to be Best Ally by assuring Nico that being gay is okay. This kind of coming out is not a queer wish-fulfillment, it’s a straight wish-fulfillment of getting to be the straight savior, the ally to show the gay the light of acceptance. And, additional to the ridiculous pacing of how fast Nico gets over his love for Percy, Nico also gets over years of internalized homophobia just because of, I don’t know, Jason’s few encouraging words and the fact that Will paid attention to him? For a gay kid who was in the closet all his life, the nonchalant way in which he publicly confessed his crush to Percy at the end made absolutely no sense and was written as basically a joke, finished off with Nico literally high-fiving Percy’s girlfriend despite those two never having seen eye to eye before but this is straight wish-fulfillment so all straights are Super Allies, because that’s the way straights want to see themselves, even though Annabeth has shown before just how jealous she can be and she most definitely wouldn’t go around high-fiving people who confess to her boyfriend. Nothing about Nico’s queer arc in HoO felt natural or queer or satisfying.)

Sure, Solangelo on a surface level is big because it's a canon queer couple in a YA book-series and kudos for that and yay for the kids who get to grow up seeing queers in YA books, but I actually do think that kids growing up with books written in the 2010s shouldn't grow up with 1990s levels of representation, because the 2010s overall are actually at a far more nuanced and better level of representation when it comes to queerness. And I do reserve the right to quit on too straight-written and too outdated queer rep in a landscape where I can get more satisfying representation elsewhere; we don’t live in times anymore where you necessarily have to love every bit of rep because it’s the only one you get.

Now that we've gone through my first two gripes, let's wrap this up with the final point, because it also directly ties into this.

3. The new wave of antis hiding behind this ship

A huge part of the fandom is so busy kissing Riordan's ass solely for giving them queer rep at all they think that both the author and the ship are beyond flawless and that kind of attitude is not good. Just because an author includes rep doesn't make either perfect. Absolutely no one is beyond critique - especially not when said critique comes from the very people the author is representing. And even beyond any "valid" critique on the ship, quite frankly, someone should also be allowed to just not like it, without any reasons given at all.

But there is a certain... protective obsessiveness about this ship that doesn't allow a not liking. Very similar to how PJO bore this mindset around Perc/abeth already. It's okay to have OTPs, even OTPs that you have a blindspot for and just don't want to see any flaws in. It is however not okay to then go around attacking people who don't like the thing and mind their own business.

Solangelo's bred a new generation of antis in this fandom. And, particularly with the fact that this post too receives an "anti" tag, I feel like there needs to be a clarification (because tumblr likes to forget what actually makes an anti). Not liking something doesn't make you an anti, venting in properly tagged posts doesn't either; it's the people who harass others, who seek out the content they dislike to then complain that it even exists and who actively try to make others stop creating for it - those are antis.

And with Solangelo's popularity, there was a high rise in Percico antis, who sought it out, were unnecessarily nasty about it, harrassed creators and tried to enforce some kind of "Solangelo supremacy" that won't allow other ships for the characters.

I've been in fandom long enough to be perfectly aware that not all Solangelo shippers count into this category and that there are completely normal and nice Solangelo shippers, but this is a Venn diagram where the overlap between Solangelo shippers and antis is too large to not widely associate the nasty people with the ship itself. (I've been there myself, shipping the very ship behind which a fandom's antis all hid. The second-hand embarrassment of having these people give the ship a bad name is horrendous and I do feel bad for all the normal Solangelo shippers.)

The more often I encountered these people, who made Percico bad (sometimes in wildly ridiculous manners that bent and deliberately misinterpreted canon) and who in the same breath praised Solangelo high, the more tired I grew of that ship. It's a simple game of association, really. You see that linked to the gross and nasty behavior and you start associating the ship itself with that gross and nasty behavior - and with all the things I said before that already weighed into my dislike of the ship, this just was the final tipping point, really.

And that's it. That sums up why I dislike Solangelo. It was hastily rushed, uncomfortable in its execution, it is outdated rep that very much feels as straight-written as it factually is and it does not feel aimed at me as a queer person but rather at the straight audience and it has gathered a cult following of quite uncomfortable people who on their own would be reason enough to avoid it so you can avoid them.

Send me a ship and I will explain why I do or don't ship it

[morganaspendragonss]

before we both lose this fight (1/?)

myself and @tarlos-spain are back with a new fic! for this one, the idea was all vicky's and i'm just fortunate enough to be along for the ride. we're writing this fic following prompts from various bingos we both have - each chapter is written to fill a different square. vicky wrote this first chapter, so she chose off one of her bingos, then i translated into english. read the spanish here! prompt: concussion ao3 | 1.8k | canon divergence from 2.07, canonical character death, head injury, hurt carlos

Carlos wondered how they had got to this point, to the stupid softball game. They were adults, yet they were still behaving like children, Owen first among them. The man refused to accept that he had a problem with authority, not to mention his anger issues.

Then there was O’Brien. Carlos didn’t know him well, but he’d heard talk about him and how insistent he was on doing things his own way. When Carlos saw that these two forces would be clashing, he knew that it could only end badly.

As far as ‘badly’ went, a softball game wasn’t the worst that could happen, as long as no one played dirty; Carlos didn’t see any of his friends from the 126 doing something like that.

As for the traffic cops, Carlos couldn’t speak because he didn’t know them. So he just hoped that everything would turn out okay and the game would be entirely friendly.

He couldn’t even believe his own words.

He didn’t know that TK could play softball, nor that he was good at it. He’d imagined all sorts of potential accidents his boyfriend could suffer with a bat in his hand; he imagined spending the night with him in the hospital because he hurt himself, because he fell or a bat went flying and hit him on the head.

That was the problem that came with having a danger magnet boyfriend.

But, contrary to his expectations, everything went well. The game was fun and much fairer than Carlos had thought. It might have even been him who was receiving the worst looks from the cops for not being on their side. But, if Carlos had to choose a family, then it would be TK and the 126.

Nancy wasn’t a great player, so Carlos cheered her on harder than the others. Indeed, it turned out that TK didn’t need encouragement with his perfect hits, the distances he made the opposite side run, and his easy runs from one base to another.

Sometimes, as a joke, Carlos would say that TK was big-headed; it was in moments like this that he could actually believe it. TK would always answer with, “The bighead and the control freak, we only need one more for a good joke.”

But things were going well, and when the last batter — Nancy — stepped up, it could be said that things were close enough that a little bit of luck and a home run could make the 126 win the game.

Carlos couldn’t believe the strength with which Nancy launched the ball to the other end of the pitch. She had done it; everyone began to run. TK and Tommy crossed the final base, and Nancy was going to too. The 126 was about to win the game…

Until the fear Carlos had had since the beginning became real and, before she could reach the base, the catcher from the other team tripped her. Nancy fell to the ground and she was out.

It was a matter of seconds before the fire caught, and Carlos had to run to attempt to restore peace when he saw that the fight between the two sides wasn’t just verbal anymore; Owen had thrown the first punch.

He saw two cops surrounding TK so he ran in that direction, though he knew that his boyfriend wouldn’t back down easily, even if he got hit.

Carlos had found it difficult to believe when TK told him about the fights he’d gotten into at school. “I wasn’t exactly one of the cool kids, honestly. I know girls liked me, and guys didn’t like that, as much as everyone knew I was gay.”

Until that moment, he couldn’t believe it. Now, though, TK was ready to break the face of two cops who had almost a head on him and clearly didn’t want to be friends.

Carlos had to stop them. He had to get in between them, talk, and avoid things going any further. At least with his boyfriend; he’d already seen that Owen had thrown a punch, Tommy too, and Paul wasn’t hanging back.

His only concern was making sure TK was safe.

“Hey, come on guys, let’s drop it, yeah?” he said, inserting himself between TK and the cops.

“Did you see what those cheaters did?” TK protested.

“I saw, and it wasn’t pretty, but we’re adults so we’re not going to…”

“Hey! You’re one of us and you have the gall to call us cheaters,” one of the cops said, getting closer to them.

“How can you say that about a cop like Carlos?” TK shouted. “He’s far better than any of you, who only know how to play dirty.”

“You’re a fucking traitor to the force,” the other cop said, taking a long stride towards TK. “But your boyfriend… Fuck, your boyfriend is going to pay for talking to us like that.”

Carlos acted on instinct, his only thought being to protect TK from the blow the cop intended to inflict on him. What he didn’t see, however, was the other blow coming for him — before he knew it, he was on the ground from two hard hits to the head.

He heard TK shouting and voices of other people surrounding him, but everything had an echo. It all sounded far away and it was hard to see properly because little white dots were dancing in his vision.

“Carlos, babe. Carlos! Can you hear me?”

He saw TK in front of him — or, rather, he saw his outline and felt his hands stroking his cheeks.

“Yeah… I hear you.”

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

Carlos could tell that TK was holding up three fingers, though the image was blurry and his boyfriend’s voice echoed in his head. His voice, and that of everyone else, seemed to be shutting off even as everyone surrounded them.

“Carlos, look at me.”

He turned towards Tommy’s voice and a bright light made him cry out.

“It will be best to take him to hospital so they can run some tests.”

“Did we really hit him that hard?” one of the cops who had punched him said.

TK stood up and turned towards him; if it wasn’t for Judd stopping him, he’d probably have thrown himself on them.

“How about you quit while you’re ahead and get out of here?” Judd said without letting go of TK for a moment.

“Owen, get the car,” Tommy said. “Carlos, can you stand? We’re going to the hospital.”

The two cops stopped mattering to TK as soon as Carlos began to move. He wrapped an arm around his waist and helped him to stand; his boyfriend’s body practically fell onto him, so he almost carried him to his father’s car.

“Does your head hurt? Are you feeling strange?” TK asked while they waited in the ER for a doctor to call them.

“Yes, my head hurts, but it’s not terrible. I think it’s just from the hit.”

TK held up his fingers again. “How many?”

“Tee, we’re in the hospital. Let the doctors handle it.”

“I can’t not worry, Carlos. I was there, I saw how they hit you and how you fell. It wasn’t nothing.”

Carlos rested his head against TK’s shoulder and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Don’t you dare close your eyes, Carlitos.” Andrea’s voice entering the waiting room caught Carlos by surprise. “We’ve already been through this more than once, you know you can’t sleep.”

“Mamá?”

“Yes, TK called us. It seems you weren’t scared enough about suffering another concussion.”

“Another?” TK asked, turning to his boyfriend.

But, before he could ask, a doctor called Carlos back, asking that his parents, TK, and Owen wait outside.

“Andrea.” TK sat next to her. “Did you say that this isn’t the first concussion Carlos has had?”

“He hasn’t told you? He had two in school from playing football, and he had to quit because of it. But he hit his head at work a little more than four years ago. The doctor told us that he had to be careful; another blow to the head could be dangerous.”

TK felt his stomach lurch and, though he didn’t know it, his face paled and his hands began to shake. Andrea took them and squeezed. 

“He’s a cop, he could have hit his head at any point.”

“You know what Carlos is like. He doesn’t like to be seen as weak.”

They didn’t talk more until Carlos walked out through the ER door, followed by the doctor who had checked him. Carlos was walking slower than usual, but everything else seemed to be okay.

He went towards TK and let him hold him tight, smiling when he felt a kiss on his neck.

“How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts, but I’ll live.”

“Doctor?” Andrea asked.

“Looking at his history and his greater risk of side effects from concussions, my recommendation is that he rests for three days at least, with someone close by to avoid any scares.”

Gabriel offered to take them home so Owen could rest after the game. Once home, Andrea made dinner so they didn’t have to cook and, between all of them, they managed to get Carlos to lie down in bed.

“You should have told me.”

“My mom already told you about my two accidents in school, right?”

“They weren’t just accidents. You hit your head and now you’re at risk if it happens again like it did today.”

“Tee, do you think I don’t know? My mom has been reminding me my whole life. Do you think you could avoid doing the same?”

TK stared at him. He hadn’t expected that response from his boyfriend, but he imagined that Carlos had been just as scared as him about what had happened.

“I’m sorry, I just… Ever since we got together, you’ve been telling me to say something when something happens to me, and I’m not used to things happening to you. But I promise not to bother you too much.”

He kissed his forehead and made to get up, but Carlos reached out and tugged on him.

“Tee, I’m sorry.” He stroked his hand and smiled. “I got scared. Last time I hit my head I was unconscious for two days and the doctor said that another blow could be really dangerous.”

“Does that mean you’re going to behave and you’ll rest?”

Carlos nodded, but he couldn’t say anything because TK’s phone began to ring. He closed his eyes to rest while TK talked, but a few seconds later, his boyfriend squeezed his arm. He opened his eyes and was met with a gaze misted over with tears.

“Tee, my love. What’s wrong?”

“It’s my mom. She’s dead.”

[useyernamesteven]

(Needed some goofy fluff to distract myself from the angst im writing so buckle up, its long. Based on that one post I cannot find so if anyone can help a homie out, much appreciated)

Raya/Namaari Accidental Marriage Proposal

Its not a far stretch to assume that the different tribes have different practices and rituals. And given the 500 year gap in communication its also easy enough to assume that the tribes don't know about each others differing customs.

For example: marriage proposals. In Tail its as cut-and-dry as asking. Talon people propose with rings and jade coin. When you propose in Spine you chop down a tree to show your commitment and strength.

The Fang propose with blades. Fang people love their knives, daggers, spears, and other pointy weapons, so if you want to ask someone to marry you, you do it with a blade.

I like to imagine it'd be because offering a blade to someone- who isn't family -is the equivalent of trusting your life to that person. I like to think the Fang value not only a person's strength and honour, but their ability to care and protect their people. So giving a blade to your chosen love is like saying, "I'm giving you this weapon because I trust you with my heart, literally and metaphorically".

But again, 500 year old divide means others have no clue what giving a knife to someone from Fang entails...

So maybe its been a few months or so after the Druun have been vanquished. Raya is still re-learning how to be a 'princess' while playing liaison between the tribes, with Sisu as her partner in crime. She likes it because she still gets to travel and she gets to see her new friends from the other tribes: Boun's business is booming, Noi has started talking, and Tong has become the new Chief of Spine.

Then there's Namaari.

Six years of playing cat-and-mouse together (or rather angry kitten and homeless puppy) can be hard to overcome. At first it was a struggle. And incredibly awkward. Namaari, too guilt ridden over what she'd done, and Raya, still angry and socially stunted, could barely hold a conversation together.

Eventually Raya, fed up with the weird awkward talk, dragged Namaari to Fang's training grounds and challenged her to a sparring match. And only when it was over, the both of them exhausted and laying on the ground, did they start talking, actually talking. About what happened with the gem, with Sisu, what they can't let go of, not yet, but what they hope they can move past one day.

It made things after easier because it was familiar ground for them, but it also opened up new paths too. Now in the months since they saved the world and having spent that time working together, Raya would like to consider Namaari a close friend.

Which is probably why she's so surprised when Namaari off-handedly mentions her birthday is next week. Namaari, who's less than thrilled about her mother's plans for a big celebration, doesn't even notice how much Raya's caught off guard. Namaari doesn't really care for her birthday, much less when her mother makes a big deal about it, but she still brushes her hair behind her ear when she asks Raya if she's going to attend.

Raya recovers, nudging Namaari saying that she's obviously going, and boasting about the amazing gift she's going to bring.

Which then leads to her dragging Sisu to Talon in search of the perfect gift (Sisu being the only 'person' she knows who can help being that she's a master gift giver... Sisu's words, not Raya's, but still). They run around Talon for ages, with Sisu practically buying everything in sight (with the Heart Palace Credit of course) but Raya can't find a single thing she thinks Namaari would actually like.

And then she spots a Fang vendor selling blades.

The woman is nice and she asks Raya if she's looking for something in particular. Raya says she wants to get a dagger for 'someone special' from Fang (not wanting to rack up the price if the woman knew who it was for, but also completely unaware to what she's just implied).

The vendor seems a little surprised but she easily walks Raya through picking out the perfect dagger for her 'someone special'. Raya ends up buying a pretty, yet functional dagger with a dragon engraved in the blade and an ornate box to keep it in. As Raya's leaving the woman gives her a pat on the shoulder and says, "All the best for the both of you and I'm sure she'll say yes," which Raya can't really make sense of so she shrugs and leaves to go find Sisu and her mountain of trinkets.

So now its the party, and when Namaari said Virana was making a big deal about it, she really meant it. People from all the tribes are attending and Sisu's brought her brothers and sisters and there's music and food and fireworks...

And Namaari stands beside her mother in a beautiful dress that makes Raya's heart thud erratically (it's totally platonic). Her and her Ba walk up to them and start making small talk before her Ba and Virana break off to chat with other dignitaries, leaving Raya and Namaari together.

Raya likes how Namaari relaxes around her when its just them, despite the room full of people. They talk and banter and tease and laugh, but more than anything Raya just likes being with Namaari. And when Namaari mentions how much she hates formal wear, how dresses don't suit her, Raya makes it a game to see how many times she can mention how beautiful Namaari looks while they're talking, just because it makes Namaari flush and do the hair thing she does when she's shy. No other heart-related reason.

Its not until much later when Raya suddenly remembers the gift she brought and she runs off to fetch it. When she returns she hands Namaari the sleek box with a smile and a sheepish "Happy Birthday dep'la".

And Namaari's blushing and smiling as she takes the box, telling Raya she didn't have to as she opens the box-

And immediately slams it shut. Her face turns bright red and she whorls on Raya with wide eyes and a panicked, hissed "whatareyoudoing?!" And poor Raya's totally thrown, so sure she'd picked out the perfect gift. "You don't like it?" But Namaari shoves the box back into her hands, with another frenzied whisper "thatsnotit!"

Well now Raya's a little miffed because "You didn't even look at it" and before Namaari can stop her she's pulling the dagger from the box and offering it back to Namaari.

Meanwhile the room goes incredibly quiet as everyone from Fang suddenly notices what's happening between the princesses. Virana nearly spits out her drink. Everyone else carries on like normal, but a few people watch their new Fang friends with curious looks, completely out of the loop.

So now Raya's essentially down on one knee without realizing it, Namaari's about to have a heart attack, everyone from Fang is on the edge of their seat, and the dragons are having a rousing drinking contest with people from Spine.

So the party is going great.

Raya (oblivious to the world save for Namaari) is giving Namaari her strongest puppy dog eyes because she'd spent so long looking for the perfect gift dep'la, and "You're pretty special Namaari, special to me, and you deserve it."

Namaari, as red faced as she is, softens at Raya's admission, smiling a little to herself before she takes the dagger from Raya with a soft "it's lovely dep'la".

And suddenly the room's loud again as people from Fang start clapping and whistling. Everyone else is lost but soon they join in as well, despite having no clue as to what they're cheering for. Namaari's back to being flustered and she grabs Raya's hand and hauls her toward Virana and Benja. Raya, finally taking in the room around them, is confused as to why people are congratulating her and Namaari.

Virana has recovered by the time the two approach and if no one knew better it might've also appeared she was trying hard not to smile. Namaari hisses something to her mother Raya doesn't hear, and she shoots her Ba a questioning look. Benja looks a little pensive but he's got a quirk in his lips that Raya knows means mischief.

Virana gently pats her daughter's shoulder before turning to address the room, excusing the four of them. They turn to leave but not before Virana calls out to the crowd, "And it goes without saying you're all invited to the wedding as well," and then ushers her horrified daughter, her baffled betrothed, and Benja out the door.

Instantly Namaari's in hysterics, asking her mother why she'd say that when Raya obviously didn't know what she was doing. Virana, quite obviously playing ignorance, asks why Namaari accepted the blade if she knew what she was doing. And poor Namaari can only gape, red faced and no come back.

Raya has finally caught on to what she's done and yeah, okay now it all makes sense. The vendor, Namaari's (gay) panic, the congratulations... she just proposed to Namaari. She just proposed to Namaari. In front of most of Kumandra. Oh toi!

Benja, still smirking to himself, ruffles Raya's hair before turning to Namaari and Virana and saying, "To be fair... Namaari did propose first."

Marriage proposals in Heart are an exchange of necklaces. So when Namaari had given Raya the Sisu pendant back when they were kids, they'd essentially gotten engaged and since Raya kept it, they've technically been engaged for the past six years.

(Too) Long story short, Raya and Namaari get engaged, get married, fall in love, and live sapphically ever after.

End.

(Okay, I'm done. Back to angst.)