#generally I also just have holiday songs stuck in my head because I was in chorus class and had to learn that shit

[deityofhearts]

the worst part about having been in the yansim fandom uniconically and then in a hater way is that I have the shitty yandere covers of songs stuck in my head

[dokidokitsuna]

Felt like showing off the "redesigns" of the Grand Festival outfits that I did for my most recent Today's Work video. I just wanted to see how they'd look with some colors on 'em...and they are nice. ^^ Of course, if/when I do actual redesigns, they'll be a lot more effortful than this...

I've been enjoying the Grand Festival so far, I think. Walking around the grounds and listening to the concerts is surprisingly mesmerizing; they really nailed the ambiance. ^^ It was fun scrolling Twitter during my lunch break yesterday and watching everyone scream about the merch (that they can't have) and the idols (that they've already seen performing a million times before). ^^;;; If there's one defining feature of Splatoon's fanbase, I'd say it's unbridled joy and enthusiasm~.

I think it also goes to show that building an intricate, believable 3D environment can do a lot to make players feel immersed and included, even if they can't really interact with anything. The "Cheer" and "Bounce" etc. options are also great examples of 'a little goes a long way'; they're extremely cute. ^^ I wish we had them for earlier Splatfests...

There's just one little detail of this celebration that nags at me though, to be honest...Splatoon composers, blink twice if you need help. (⊙_⊙;;;)

When I realized that they did new arrangements for the concert performances, AND some of the in-game music, AND the victory and loss music...I began to feel something I call 'consumer's guilt'. :/

Like, of course we should get lots of special music for the Special final Splatfest, but it's been like this for the whole 2 years...special music for every holiday Splatfest, special music from the splatbands for the new seasons, random single drops from the idols throughout the year, dozens of tracks just for Side Order...considering the amount of time and effort that goes into composing and producing just one song it's hard for me to believe that they've had any time to rest, or even to just work at a reasonable pace.

It's only natural for this constant demand for content to take a toll on the quality of their work, and I feel that it has...interestingly, though, I feel the lowest-quality tracks are the earliest ones. '_' Like, splatoonwiki.org has a music page, where the music for each game is separated into sections...and the Multiplayer section for Splatoon 3 is the only one that I have no interest in opening. That is to say, the music we hear most often, while playing the main attraction of the game itself, is in my opinion 90% forgettable slop.

Back when the unofficial soundtrack first came out and I listened to the first 2 hours during a long commute, I remember being really disappointed that not even one C-Side song resonated with me...and the rest to follow weren't much better. To this day, every time some Splatoon battle music gets stuck in my head, it's always something from 1 or 2 (i.e. the games I never played ^^;) I can't even recall what 3's battle music sounds like on command...I hear it every day, and yet it all just slides right off my brain. Even the tracks from established splatbands...none of their 'new' stuff hits the same.

If I had to guess, the composers knew very far ahead of time all the stuff they would have to do, and decided to rush through the generic squid-rock to focus on the interesting stuff. If I had both Deep Cut's and C-Side's music on my schedule, I know which one I would want to devote the most time to. And if I had to develop a totally new sound for Free Association (the entity responsible for the music in Side Order, reflecting its surreal techno-industrial vibes) and H2Whoa (a random new splatband that only exists to ring in Drizzle Season 2023) I know which project would be more interesting to me, and inspire more creative choices.

...In a perfect world, though, ALL the music could be of similar quality and creativity, because they wouldn't have to make so much so often! >_< I mean, I know music is central to Splatoon's identity (it's what got me into the series in the first place) but I feel like things are getting out of hand...something about this constant deluge of new music doesn't feel sustainable. I've seen composer burnout before, and because music is so important to this franchise, I'd hate to see it happen here...

[xosimone]

On "Meet the Grahams" and the Moral Turn That Happened During This Beef

I know that I am on hiatus right now, but there is a lot on my chest regarding the rap beef between Kendrick Lamar and Drake that is really making me feel uneasy.

I am a Kendrick Lamar fan, I have been a Kendrick Lamar fan since the 6th grade after hearing "Swimming Pools" so much on the radio that it just became a song stuck in my head. Kendrick is an excellent lyricist, performer, artist, and writer. And while Kendrick is all of these things, he is not the pinnacle of a moral high ground.

The moment that the rap beef between Drake and Kendrick turned into a battle of morals, it dawned on me that we absolutely missed the plot. The point is, neither Drake nor Kendrick are good people, and neither one of them are associated with upstanding people either. It gets incredibly weird to see specific arguments they make about each other when they have either done the thing they have criticized the other over or are affiliated with someone that has.

Neither one of them actually care about what they are accusing the other of doing because if they did, the authorities would have been called by now.

Drake in "Family Matters" alleged that Kendrick has put his hands on his wife, Dave Free fathered one of Whitney's children, Kendrick doesn't care for black women, etc.

Kendrick said in "Meet the Grahams" that Drake has hypersexualized black women, he is a deadbeat father, he is a sex trafficker only comparable to Harvey Weinstein and Diddy, he is a pervert, and he is a substance abuser.

Drake brings up Whitney being allegedly abused, but he has sex traffickers in his circle. An example is Baka, a member of his inner circle, who got shouted out ("I'll declare it a holiday as soon as Baka get back on the road") for sexual abuse crimes after forcing a 22 year old in prostitution and went to jail. Upon his release in 2017, he was signed onto OVO sound. Why bring up a woman's trauma when you are aligning yourself with someone who has also traumatized women?

Kendrick brings up the hypersexualization of black women but has also had women scantily clad in his "Loyalty" music video. Kendrick brings up Drake's substance abuse as if he has not also abused substances. Kendrick brings up being a deadbeat father as if he did not hop on a track that blew this beef up with Future, who is notorious for fathering a bunch of children and practically being a deadbeat. He also discusses Drake's perversion as if Kodak Black, who faced charges of sexual assault, was not featured on Mr. Morale, which Kendrick himself slated as his "therapy album."

I feel like all of these moral flaw arguments are incredibly disingenuous because none of this would have been brought up had they not beefed with each other in the first place.

It feels a little icky? Like yes we should protect women, children, and people in general, but that conversation doesn't get to start because you guys are fighting. If anything, it should have started awhile ago.

[just-a-carrot]

HELLO CARROT!

Given how apparently I’m immune to playing OW games without recording them now, you’ll audibly hear my thoughts within the next few weeks (I’m posting tomorrow because I’m an absolute maniac), BUT I WANNA SAY THINGS HERE BECAUSE APPRECIATION CAN’T WAIT THAT LONG!

Also Merry Christmas! It’s midnight when I’m writing this, so ‘tis the day of caroling and festivities and woah. Or happy holidays if you don’t celebrate!

Back to the Our Cinderella topic, I have only played Genzou’s route as of now (I’m sure that’s hardly surprising, he is my fav), but the others are next. Their time is coming. They cannot escape. SO SPOILERS FOR GENZOU’S ROUTE!

First off, I saw you included the little dancing in front of TV Iggy pose and the joy I felt seeing it was off the charts. I kept bringing it up, I was very happy. And seeing Iggy moving about was really cool in general, even without the novelty of seeing a suggestion I made exist in the game.

NEXT UP! Genzou drunk singing is an image I didn’t know I needed, thank you for the visual and the brain food. BUT ALSO I HAVE BEEN CONNECTING JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR SONGS TO OW FOR SO LONG AND HEARING THE MUSICAL BE MENTIONED BY GENZOU THREW ME FOR A LOOP. Great musical, very nice. Last Supper reminds me of Genzou and Orlam. Judas’s voice in general reminds me of Orlam. Musicals and OW can further connect in my brain hobby drawer.

The text interactions in general were really funny, actually. I liked the absolute chaos that was Iggy and Genzou’s text conversations, I was laughing while trying to read a lot of the time. I remember the aforementioned drunk singing conversation and the puddle one both got me pretty good while I was reading, and it was overall fun to see more lighthearted conversations from the characters, even if it’s in a different universe from the main canon.

To end things off, ‘cause again 1) I haven’t finished all the game’s routes yet, and 2) you’ll be able to hear my thoughts in the moment if you choose in future anyways, I wanna mention the version of Cinderella Bucks tells at the end? I can’t get it out of my head. When I was thinking about the game after having just played it, my mind kept flashing back to CinderJesus. It absolutely decimated my brain function, but in a very fun way. More slice-of-life Bucks, please, she’s peak comedy.

Very fun game, 10/10, very sad I couldn’t buy the Kirby in the first playthrough but it’s on my to-do list, aaaand yeah! Thank you for making this! I loved every minute of it, and I’m really excited to play the remaining routes once my irl festivities are over.

sob this is so sweet! 😭💕 i'm excited to watch your playthrough too -- things are a bit overwhelming in general for me right now as i'm still with my family and doing a bunch of things, but even if i'm unable to find time this week i will for sure watch once i'm back home next week. i'm really happy that you're enjoying it so much already tho ahhhh and that you're finding it so entertaining 🥺

i'm glad you liked the poses i had so much fun with them and also using some of the suggestions to add more! and LMAO JCS is a musical i grew up watching (my parents used to play the original album in the house lol) so i get the songs stuck in my head a lot, hence why it randomly worked its way into this (among many other random silly little references or inspirations from my own life hahaha). that is extremely funny to me 🤣

i'm glad you liked the convos they were the epitome of silly. and also bucks's part hahaha. i was half-worried it would end up being too ridiculous and random for people because it just got so weird in places hahaha

thank you so much for this lovely message and all of your thoughts and for playing the game! 🥺💕 i look forward to watching the playthrough so i can see all of your reactions in real-time lakjdfs

[malapertmarquess]

People I want to know better or something (I forgot the proper name soz)

Thanks for tagging me @squarebracket-trick! :D

Currently reading: Ostensibly, I'm supposed to be reading A Place of Greater Safety, but chronic fatigue has made it difficult to power through Hilary Mantel, much as I love her work. I got about halfway through it during my last holiday, and will probably finish it when I'm on holiday again next month.

Currently listening to: I've popped my Unreal Unearth vinyl on because the wife is out for the evening (and because Hozier has just announced shows in Aotearoa and I am TORN)

Currently watching: Wifey and I have been going through Buffy, and we just finished Monsieur Spade (which I really enjoyed).

Current hyperfixation (keeping this term because also ADHD): Ummm, my current Snack of Choice is homemade trail mix with peanuts, dried cranberries, and M&Ms. I don't think I have any other active hyperfixations at the mo? (Maybe Hozier's having another turn?)

Favourite colour: Bluuuuue (in general; I love a variety of shades)

Spicy, sweet, savory, or salty? As evidenced by my trail mix, a variety! Not spicy, though. I have a mild-by-white-people-standards spice tolerance... tragic considering my love of Mexican food.

Last thing I Googled: Something for work... Helicobacter Ag, I think? (I work with medical content. I have no medical training. I look things up a lot.)

Song stuck in my head: I am also very prone to earworms. I have music playing at the moment so that's filling my brain, but I've had a lot of Hozier bouncing around there lately anyway. (I once had the Bolero stuck in there for about 2 weeks because I was writing a one-act play representing my brain, featuring... the Bolero being stuck in "my" head.)

Favourite food:

(Throwback to the Potato party I threw for my 30th)

Dream trip: Wandering around Wales for a bit, seeing a couple of shows in London, nosing about York looking for medieval history... That's as far as I've gotten so far.

Tagging, if interested: @dragonatthedinnertable, @thankyouforyourcooperation, @avron, @siaanme, @the-mad-prince-of-denmark

(I know the original number was 9, but I don't like rules)

[seancamerons]

Hi, Brimi! What specific passion projects are you working on right now?

hey, good question here's a list!

(list is under the cut for answers)

starting with my writing. i started working on a story called faking It, a long fic, a few small short drabbles or shortfics, advancing older passion fic projects and requests from prompts which are usually short except an ambitious go of a story about fake dating and trauma, very teen movie esque or that was my intentions to play with.

the one i've been a busy bee with in this holiday season with others on the back burner or tinkering at, this is my like baby right now in terms of story. second, i'm doing holiday cards and holiday shopping while watching Christmas movies, eating Christmas cookies and writing this big longfic as some holiday hallmark vibe, home for the holidays heartwarming and fluffiest with some dark degrassi vibes and there you have, where are you now? loosely based on the song by britney spears, where emma is a star of britney, beyonce and taylor and the other pop girlies that is, in this universe. so like the female drake, but pop, upbeat girly anthems and pink pink pink, but her life is far from happy. the title comes from a song of the same album, albiet a deep cut a song that to me, i interpret fit too as if "where are you now?" is a story about someone she's much in love with, but for whatever reason there's nods to this in the story so it's a fitting title to me, because it harps about the grief behind a long love or loved one, but someone they can't shake they're living but they're also lost and they just want to know where they are, so they can feel closure by distance. boom.

it wasn't initally this much thought out, here's an inside story like I'm some episode of MTV cribs and stuff), like where i tell you all about how it came to be but I'll give you a brief synopsis.

taking it back to 2004, when i wrote my rough and i mean ROUGH idea. i used to think lyrics in songs were stories, beyond the music, behind the veneer of entertainment and i crafted and molded the characters with a general story of how they are in adulthood and what led them to the lives they live combined with the choices they made.

a difference with canon is craig and manning, the hosts of this holiday visit, and they all live together like full house the Jeremia-manning-santos household is a very chaotic but loving place to decvibe it. they're happy, frugal, average Canadian homebodies. they both have jobs, drive an escalade and craig has a vintage car in candy apple red with white interiors he keeps under lock and key a stuble nod to Ferris Bueller an 80's film, they all never really flew the coop but joey who plays a prominent grandfather to craig and manny's baby, who is now in 2023, an attractive mashup, a dark cloud sour puss who's been through some difficult times, grappling with grief and depression and headed for a breakdown and a fall from grace, a loss of innocence and a crisis of faith. stuck between a rock and hard place, craig and manny's daughter is unreachable, rebelling and internally screaming, but trying and failing to be 'perfect' for her mother and father, fighting them at every turn. it's my first go at a deeply flawed character who is blunt and honest. who has been through a lot in her life, despite having a loving family, but across the board. she's not popular, looks younger than she is, a late bloomer, innocent and smart, but doesn't apply herself or think much for herself. she is easily influenced by others and spouts out political commentary. She is average academically, nonremarkable, painfully realistic, or an attempt at a portrayal of someone like someone i know.

needless to say, i'm excited. it's something I'm committed too after having some writers block this year, i also was busy this fall and hard at work on even more passion projects. this is something i do before bed, to unwind. i work all day, and then if i have time i do edit and proofread. I'm not an expert or anything, i do the best i can and write what i feel or what compels or comes to me. i could type for HOURS and it doesn't phase me. i know i could use assistance knowing whats relevant to mention, but i think it's part of me and my charm to wordy, but does the job, natural speech trying to be a non partial narration, usually past tense and future stense or present is checked but third person with asides of course descriptive and stuff but that's the HARDEST PART is showing and not telling all the time.

to achieve that i do write montages or asides to achieve or speech or dialogue between characters or heavily imply through tones or describing but i try to make the believability more than canon because this is something i came up with while i wrote on the show BASED account and i toy with things that happen later. so for instance, craig and manny had a baby, but what are they happy now that she's older, no because they are passing ships in the night. unhappy but in a domestic partnership where they coexist but do their own thing, are more like roommates and less lovey-dovey on most occasions. I'm getting off track, but that's that story and I've been dying to talk about it since starting it in October and now I'm reaching the end of it and I'm actually going to miss this story that is a long time coming, almost 12 or 13 years ago i brainchilded this and only now getting to it. i think it's better than my rough draft a lot of changes were made and embellehsed and built upon.

i moved and relocated in mid-october, i've been slowly organizing and its been hard to make time but it's a pleasure to write. it really is. it feeds my need for semma to be happy, so in turn I'm happy and I'm itching to talk about it. my poor semma shipper boyfriend, he loves them, but i think it's because he knows i love it but he does really love them. so that's passion project one.

passion three, is the others such as faking it i mentioned before, is a fake au, where i was initially going with for the emma and jay summer romantic drama i wrote mostly during the pandemic being bored and even creating accompanying art work i vow to see through to my older projects and finish them out. i mean i have no excuse or whatever i should stop starting NEW fics but i am who I am.

passion 4 has nothing at all to do with writing and everything to do with graphic design my second love i love and design things, iykyk but i also like making passion projects like cd covers, alternative movie posters, fliers and online fandom graphics in various styles.

passion projects for example, i'm currently want to make myself a online store not like redbubble but for printables and art related stuff and where i can track commsions for people for paid art. i wanna monetize my art and design skills but its been awhile since college and i feel confident to try again with more gusto. so keep an eye out. my tagged posts are like where that is.

i make a lot of occasion cards in greetings and idk how to launch anything so I'm in the process of the grueling educating research to get my project off the ground and talk to others who are into the same things. i don't want a fandom specific store, multi fandom and interest store. maybe a few show related (another passion) or film alternatives.

cleaning and taking pride in myself has been a game changer, organizational furniture and decorating for both life and for holidayskeep me focused and excited for the day ahead and organization keeps things easy in the morning. so that's a difference, i prioritize and carve out time on sundays or during the week sometimes for maybe an hour to sift through and organize my items and keep things clean.

some ongoing personal resolutions and hopes to achieve or work on long term year round, such as bucket listed for in the new year list of 10 goals i hope to achieve.

continued weight loss goals from last year, making progress with, and managing health and wellness

2. hand drawing/lettering practices to improve

3. coloring more to give me something to do

4. quit smoking, again in 2024! start the holidays (potentially) smoke-free (ambitious, i hope i can!)

5. budget better/manage money and learn the difference of wants and needs, stop treatin' myself so much, because my budgeting needs work!

6. eat healthier

7. design more projects and try to generate interest and exposure in art-based community

8. spend time with friends and family, make time for people and alow to live in the moment

9. build an online presence/website/shop (see 7)

10. continue to focus when it doubt, on mental health self-care practices healthy communication, make good choices in trusting with care✨💌

[6okuto]

Hello!! I love your work and was wondering how you get different ideas for fics? I struggle coming up with ideas that are kinda outside the box lol, lots of love <333

OMGGG Thank U!! I get it. < girl who's been stuck on ideas. lol...(said in agony). i will try to make a list for both of us (T＿T)b

being so srs 1) i don't think any of my work is vry unique/creative and 2) i'm an infp-t who injects romance into everything and thinks about it everywhere. i have issues. so a popular prompt or one of my Many thoughts is usually all i need 🫥😔 But!!!

reels/tiktoks, esp if it's a trend (would u love me if i was a worm / act a fool / etc). i basically trained my fyp before i uninstalled tiktok to give me new scenarios LMAO

prompt lists/generators can be vry helpful to get my brain going

^ have a list of fave charas / charas that have different personalities !! bokuto, iwaizumi, suna, etc. r faves but they're so different that Boom. 1 prompt = 5 scenes to pick from :]

+ a list your favourite things / tropes/ aus. doesn't matter how popular or niche! key things for Me: special moments/firsts + domesticity + charas being whipped. LOL

think of different media! your fave shows/movies, dating sims, etc. do u have a favourite moment.. what got U flustered 🤨

i get smau ideas from pinterest sometimes . i find funny memes + tweets and save them to a board LOL

Read other works!! also i follow the oc questions tag bc the q's can hit super specific scenarios that make u go Woah

tbh ideas just come from,,, life. silly things. Write down these moments to use later! "photo of you" was bc i saw a girl printing pcs of herself for her friends and said hey... :)

^ "boyfriends in public" was bc i kept watching couples try to pay for each other at checkout. songs they'd post you to...i kept seeing ppl posting their s/o and said what about Me.

multi-chara post: take a prompt and think of it in different locations! he gives you his jacket? why? because you're outside and it's cold, because you're at his game/set/etc. and he thinks it'd be cute that everyone knows you're dating, because you want to sleep and you can use it as a blanket, etc etc.

^ just start naming random places in ur head and see if anything happens—get more specific as u go! house. kitchen. the walk-in pantry. boom: big party scene and person a walks into the pantry at the sight of their favourite snack, caught by person b who's the host. oh that's a good one actually. woah. LOL

and like,, it's so so cool to just.. do an idea that's been done before. remember that if u as a reader will eat up the same prompt/trope over and over again, that u as a writer can feel happy to write it too!! So Many of my own posts have been done before but i think they're still good in their own way 🤷🏻‍♀️ U writing it rather than someone else means that it'll automatically be special to U.

some prompts / thoughts 4 u to use + get ur brain going!!! ^___^

holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, firsts dance! in the kitchen? at a wedding? is it their first one? are they really bad at it? person a thinks person b is a worker and asks for help and they do! they do Not work at this store though. fogged up glasses person a saving b from an awful looking date / a no show a gets b smth from build a bear with a special recording both going to the movies alone but ending up next to each other. it's a comically bad movie a is asked what their 'type' is and describe b who's listening both cosplaying as a chara part of a duo/relationship, then spotting the other at a con :0 (hurt/)comfort: anxious reader, overworked reader, someone was rude, person a has a nightmare, person a accidentally injures themself and doesn't tell b package left at the wrong door "god the men you put on this earth to hunt and protect are ___" person a, who struggles to initiate physical affection, suddenly initiates physical affection (why? where? are they both flustered?) person a tries slipping a valentine into b's things as a secret, but is caught in the act strangers on an airplane watching the same movie next to each other (bonus: one is re-watching, the other is watching for the first time. the re-watcher pretends they don't know what's going to happen because it's endearing to watch the other) a accidentally reacts to b's ig story or posts the comment they very much did not mean to comment

[author-a-holmes]

10 People You Want To Get To Know Better!

Tagged by @avrablake and @my-writblr Thank you both <3

Relationship Status: Confirmed Crazy-Cat-Lady & Married to my OC's until I pair them off with someone.

Favorite Color(s): Black, although it's technically a shade, not a colour. I also love Purple and Blue. My bedroom is Galaxy Themed, with a mural of the bubble nebulea wallpapered onto the ceiling. But in general, gemstone colours, so dark purple, dark blue, dark green, etc.

Favorite Food: Spaghetti Bolognaise. Hands down.

Song Stuck in My Head: I'm still on a Shania Twain kick, so at the moment it's "Any Man of Mine" that's on repeat in my brain.

Last thing you Googled: XMONDO Hair Dye. I was trying to see if it would colour dark hair, since I can't afford a trip to the hairdressers anytime in the near future. (The answer was no, btw)

Time: 12.08pm

Dream Trip: Italy! I've always wanted to go, and at one point I wrote out a full 2 month long itinerary, travelling around all the tourist hotspots like Milan, Florence, Rome, Pompei, etc.

My favourite place to holiday though, where I've been before, is England. I find comfort in my home, but I love travelling up to Norfolk. It was my childhood holiday location, and I still love it there.

Last Thing You Read: To completion? The Stray Spirit by @ashen-crest ... but I'm currently trying to get through Enchantment Emporium by Tanya Huff, while also editing, so it's slow going.

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: The Stray Spirit by @ashen-crest I loved it so much, I even grabbed the paperback <3

Favorite Thing to Cook/Bake: I love cooking. It's a stress relief for me to smack something with a sharp blade lol. My favourite think to cook is shortbread cookies. They're so simple, three ingrediants, and very fast for comfort food.

Favorite Craft to do in Your Freetime: Writing. Writing. Writing. Since I was about 7, writing has been something I've always done in my free time. Now it's ALL I do in my free time lol.

Most Niche Dislike: I don't know if I'd call it niche, but just ... rudeness. It seems to be a lot of people's default setting these days, especially on the internet, but if you don't like something, walk away. Don't spew vitriol on others for the sake of it. And even if you do want to have a discussion about something you don't like, you can still do that while respecting the people who do like it!

Opinion on Circuses: Depends on the circus, and their ethics. I think they can be run well and safely, for the performers, but in general I'm against animal circus' because they just don't have the facilities to care for their animals properly.

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: Not really. If I've been to somewhere before, and I can see visual landmark to help me figure out where I am, and the direction i'm going in, I'm okay... but if you drop me somewhere and tell me it's a straight line to escape/get out/reach my destination, I'm gonna be walking in circles.

Tagging forward to 10 people, with no pressure...

@faelanvance @authorminamoroz @sylhorn @queen-kass-the-writer @primroseprime2019 @winterandwords @athenixrose @ren-c-leyn @artbyeloquent @ashen-crest

[mariacallous]

like @thehours2002, I decided to listen to Sheryl Lee Ralph's christmas/holiday album.

Here are my comments I shared about the first two songs released back on Thanksgiving:

I've only started to listen to Sleigh but it's...not the best, for sure. The problem is that she's not the primary focus, at least with Sleigh - the backing vocals and the music and other audio elements swamp her, and there's too much going on in general for what is a "Jingle Bells" remix

okay Holiday Cheer is really bad - it suffers from the same issues as Sleigh but also a lot of the lyrics are just...Bad. Really Bad. And the "slightly naughty hinting/double entendres" in them don't help.

Sheryl deserves so much better than...these.

It's almost like she knows it's overproduced and not great (at least these two songs) and I don't feel like she's really...committing or showing the impressive talent and skill that we know she has

Holiday albums are generally not great to begin with, in my opinion, and this (so far!) helps reinforce that

It's just too busy! And some of the lyrics are kind of nonsensical! And she's not the focus.

And these are basically the same thoughts I had with the whole album.

The "traditional" Christmas songs (God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Silent Night, Little Drummer Boy, Sleigh (the Jingle Bells remix), Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O Holy Night, O Come All Ye Faithful) tend to fare better? (which I think, barring Sleigh, is because of the general lack of lyrical adjustments, though O Come All Ye Faithful has some Choices with the featured artists and their lyrical contributions) but otherwise they're all overproduced and busy - the emphasis, for whatever reason, seems to usually be on the music and other non-singing audio, then on the backing or featured artist vocals, and then on Sheryl? There's a lot of lyrical and verbal flourishes which take up audio space and attention but which generally aren't done by Sheryl. And when she *is* the focus, it's with the original songs and the lyrics are not great ("We be playing Uno and things/Taboo and things/Life ain't so bad at all" for whatever reason has really stuck out for me, from Holiday Cheer (We Made It) along with "We dressed so nice and we look so cool/Out in these streets (Ay)/Headed to the mall (Ay)/Pickin' up these gifts (Ay)/'Bout to deck them halls (Ay)/Halls (Ay)/Bout to wreck them halls (Ay)/Pour that rum punch (Ay)/Joy to one and all" from the same).

Additionally, the traditional songs tend to be shorter, and I would have preferred longer versions (Hark The Herald Angels Sing being a particularly notable one) of them, and honestly some other traditional ones would have worked better. When they aren't shorter (like O Come All Ye Faithful, which could easily be a minute and a half shorter without the weird featured artist contribution in it near the end) it's because there's both featured/guest artists and either weird sound-editing choices (there *is* like almost a minute of silence between the last note and then the end of the track at the end of Little Drummer Boy? wtf) or too much backing and musical additions

It's like she's the featured or guest artist on her own holiday album, which is such a weird impression to get and such a weird outcome for someone with her talent and skill and career.

Several tracks are, as @thehours2002 pointed out, are spoken word, and are usually short. They're okay, and the one with her mom in particular was the best.

I think the biggest issue is that, apart from being a holiday album, there's not a lot that distinguishes or stands out as Sheryl - and she should be the main focus, with no need for all the additions and extras.

[mizufae]

Orchid and cactus for the ask meme, please!

Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about myself!!

A song I consider perfect? My taste in music is kind of ridiculously varied. But honestly?? Bohemian Rhapsody might be perfect. I know it’s like everyone’s favorite song or whatever, and I should pick like, some Mahler symphony or some Björk mouth sounds, but okay what are my criteria for perfection when it comes to songs?

One, it should be able to express a spectrum of emotions and generate empathy within the listener. Two, it should have a melody you can recall well enough that at least parts of it get stuck in your head. Three, musicians who cover it should be able to add their own twists and style innovations but it remains recognizable. Four, it should make people stop and want to listen to it all the way through.

The audience can vary of course so “people” and “musicians” and “listener” and “you” might be a million people or it might just be fifty people in a niche theme bar or it might be just you and your shipmates. But Bohemian Rhapsody can get a stadium of gross teens singing in complex harmony. You can play it on a carousel organ or mumble it under your breath while doing chores and people can still ID it. The emotional journey of the song transposes from an incredible queer anthem to literally any challenge or coming of age you want. The vocals are so incredible that Freddie Mercury’s voice like, spiritually imprints his energy on everyone who gives it their all. It broke through genres and cultures and arbitrary industry standards and makes no sense on paper but it’s transcendent. Please enjoy it on a 100 year old fairground organ.

What am I currently learning about? Right now nothing super in particular. I’m honestly kind of in hibernation mode cuz we’ve entered the season in Seattle where I feel like there’s two hours of sun a day and it rains constantly. Personally and fandom wise I’m still on a Stranger Things fic binge and I’ve learned that I’m grateful to be an old because if I were younger I would have the biggest fucking celebrity crush imaginable on Finn Wolfhard, because he so perfectly encapsulates my younger self’s type that it’s insane. As it is I merely have cuteness aggression about him and want to feed him pie and encourage his dreams, thank god. So, like, self-knowledge is good.

Hrmmmm. Oh, also, I’ve been discussing/teaching color theory to my friend who is an indie game designer (play project O.R.B.! It’s free! Explore a mysterious ocean and find rainbow crystals!) and because of that I’ve been refreshing and updating a lot of the things I learned about fifteenish years ago when I was getting my BFA. Do you know about the CIELAB Color Space??? Color science is wild, man, cuz it’s like our meat brains trying to quantify our collection interpretation of sensory information but also fused with cultural preferences and personal histories and technological limitations. My friend is a programmer by trade so I keep bringing up art history references he has no clue about and he’s like “wow, I didn’t know art looked like this ever” and I’m like “surprise, artists can also be autistic!” And he’s like “give me homework” and I’m like “I don’t know how to handle this kind of power” so that’s been fun! We’ve been having kind of a break for a month though cuz he is the at-home dad for two young kids and holiday season is upon us. I hope we can get back together for some more color theory time before next year.

[jordandazur]

dec 27 23

I am going to start documenting my music creation process to help me stay on top of it. Too often, I put my music aside so I can watch movies and youtube and be generally uncreative which is not conducive to.. you know.. making music. I think keeping track of how far I've come with each song will help me stay focused and stay creative.

I'm well aware that no one is reading this (thank god) but maybe someday 30 years from now one of my songs will get popular and all of the future children will find this blog and get some insight into my art. Or, I will read this to myself 30 years from now and admire my younger self for doing this. Or my enemies will find this. Who knows!

Today I picked up an old demo I had and felt inspired to finish it. When I say demo, I mean it was a synth, some chords, and a maraca. So today I turned it into the beginnings of a demo. Took me a while to get my bearings on it but I squeezed a chorus out of it in a couple hours.

It's called "Place to Leave" and the premise of it is this miserable, horrible, evil, exhausting working-class existence in the united states. Maybe that's dramatic and a bit ironic to type on my MacBook pro but there is a certain terror that comes with being working-class in this country. I have worked multiple part-time jobs (more than one at a time) and they have all been terrible experiences that didn't even cover half of my living expenses! Throw that on top of car-dependent cities, a lack of community, and generational trauma (stemming from being working-class) and you have misery with a shit ton of crippling debt that I may never get out from under. It's better than being completely starved by my country (or others) but I'm also not far off from a reality similar to that. Homelessness is a threat constantly looming over my head.

For most of my life, I have heavily yearned to emigrate to New Zealand as I saw it as a beautiful safe haven far from the dirtiness and failing infrastructure of the US. If I could just get there, my life would be so much better! Well, no. New Zealand is another capitalist settler colony that exclusively builds car-dependent infrastructure on stolen land. They may have free healthcare and some good social policies but they are still an exploitative, individualist society that is not much better than that of the US. Much of this runs true for all of the other western states that could be "better" for me and honestly, emigrating is too expensive!

So I'm stuck here. In this dirty, smoggy, car-dependent country with failing health infrastructure, no social safety nets, and part-time jobs that can't pay for my schooling (and steal all of the surplus value I produce). For the wealthiest people around the world, the US is the place to be with the best protections for their capital, the best social connections, and the most readily-available luxury goods. For the working class, this is a place to leave.

Don't get me wrong, there is hope! I do have faith in a people-first future where communities protect and lift up one another. Fully automated gay space luxury communism, you know. But this song is not about that! This song is about how much it sucks to be here and I want it to serve as a reminder of that. There is no revolution without acknowledging just how bad we have it.

Sonically, this song is inspired by "god's chariots" by Oklou simply because I love this song.

Here is the start of my notes for the song!

I was going to upload the demos so far but I can't figure it out rn and I am sleepy. Thank you for reading. Happy holidays. Much love and kisses :)

[forever-rogue]

Bitter

A/N: Pain? Pain? Did someone ask for some pain? No? Well, here’s some pain anyways! No happy endings in sight! Enjoy! Xx (also very loosely based on the song Bitter!)

Pairing: Javier x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: language, light smut (18+ only!)

MASTERLIST

JAVIER MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

He's here. Of course he is.

You were mildly surprised, but honestly, you'd have been more surprised if he'd skipped out. 

You clutched your glass of wine so tightly that it seemed to be a miracle that it didn't shatter into a thousand tiny little bits. Just like your heart had done. Because of him. Because of Javier.

You hated him. But in a sick and twisted way, all through how the universe seemed to work, you couldn't ever completely hate him. When you'd been good, you were good. Great even. But as soon as things turned sour, they'd gone bitter in a heartbeat. 

For a man that claimed he didn't do relationships, Javier Peña proved to be an excellent partner - a good friend, a caring lover, and a fun time. That was until he decided that relationships absolutely weren't his thing. Because everything had been a lie.

But maybe it had been you? 

Because for a man that claimed he didn't do relationships, he sure had liked it with you - until he didn't. Apparently he was willing to wager all of that again - or needed something else from someone else.

At least that's what you gleaned from the blonde that was hanging onto his arm and giggling at seemingly everything he said. It was enough to make you want to throw up then and there. 

You’d been at this silly little holiday party for long enough, you suddenly decided. Downing the rest of your wine, the slight buzz had set in but wasn’t enough to actually help to suppress your feelings, you resolved to make a few goodbyes and leave. Going home to an empty and dark apartment was better than staying here. 

“You might as well just shoot him,” Steve Murphy’s voice reached your ears and you tensed up before realizing who it was. The tall blonde was standing next to you, a drink in his own hand and a scowl on his face, “it’d be easier than glaring daggers all night.”

“Which is precisely why I’m leaving,” you took your empty flute and shoved it in his hand. You almost felt bad for snapping at him - almost. He’d been Javier’s partner and friend first and foremost, and although you’d come to know him as your own friend, it was still hard to separate the two of them. But he was a good man, and to be fair, he’d been almost as men to Javier as you had when it all went down. However, unlike you, he was stuck working with him. You were lucky enough to work for the CIA instead of the DEA, so you had the mercy of getting to easily avoid him.

“I’ve never seen her before,” he offered as if that was going to make everything better, “he’s probably-”

“I don’t care,” you insisted sharply, bitter venom lacing your words, “I really don’t, Steve. I just - I’m leaving.”

“Do you need me to-”

“I’m good,” you insisted. 

You were anything but. 

“Kid-”

“I’m good,” you repeated firmly as you pressed past him and headed for the exit of the stuffy hall. You didn’t even bother turning around to say goodbye to say or anything. You just wanted to get out of there and go home as quickly as possible. 

Fuck Javier Peña. Fuck him for making you fall in love with him, and fuck him for breaking you in one foul swoop. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

“You know, for someone that claims he’s not into the whole romantic relationship bullshit,” you grinned at Javi as you sat on his kitchen counter, swinging your legs back and forth as he prepared dinner, “you’re pretty good at it.”

“Hmm,” he mused as he took a sip of his beer before putting his hands on your thighs and stepping between your legs, “maybe your standards are too low, Dulzura.”

“Maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit,” you teased back, only to be silenced by Javier crashing his lips onto yours. You could already feel yourself melting into his touch, as his arms wrapped around your waist and yours around his neck, “Javi.”

Before things could go any further, the two of you were interrupted by a loud crackling from the pan. A heavy sigh left his lips as he pressed one more to your forehead before he turned back to the pan, “I will admit, I never thought I’d be here making you dinner.”

“Me specifically, or a woman in general?” you carded a hand through his dark locks before smirking at him.

“Both,” he admitted, “not a woman in general because like I said, fuck this romantic bullshit, and definitely not you, because we didn’t start on the best terms when you got here.”

“That was because you were an asshole,” you stuck out your tongue as he just laughed. 

“And you were a bitch,” you nodded at his assessment. Neither of you had been particularly kind to the other upon your first several encounters. Javier was stubborn and hard-headed, you were fierce with a lot to prove in a male dominated world. Opposites on an unwavering spectrum, and yet more alike than either of you cared to admit. That's probably why you'd both been at each other's throats time and time again - you insisted he was a chauvinistic pig; he swore you were an ice queen that just hated everyone.

One thing had led to another and eventually there was a singular moment that broke the proverbial camel's back. It had been a quiet evening with both of you trying to get work done that had led you to say something to Javier to which he had responded with a simple, but calculated, uh huh honey. 

You couldn't even respond with any words, funding yourself utterly unable, before you grabbed the collar of his slightly too tight pink button up and crashing your lips fiercely onto his. He'd responded in kind - eager and more than willing.

That night, which you'd both sworn up and down would be a one time thing, quickly turned into more. More turned into Javier dropping his nighttime visits to the brothels, and focusing on you. More had turned into this.

"I don't think we've really changed," you admitted as you reached for his beer and downed the rest of it in one go with a wicked smirk, "I think we've just come to realize we're good together. In case you haven't noticed babe, I still have to put up with so much shit. Have some tits and men find it fitting to treat you like a piece of meat."

“You know if anyone ever does or says another thing to you, I’ll-”

“I know, Javier,” you promised with a noncommittal shrug of your shoulders, "I just want to be able to do things on my own and be respected. Just like you and Steve and all the other men are."

"You outshine them all easily," he set the spoon down on the edge of the pot, crossing his arms over his broad chest, "they're idiots. You're not - never forget that."

"How very sweet," you rolled your eyes playfully at his dramatic words but you knew he was truthful, "a model boyfriend. You're better at this whole thing than you give yourself credit for."

"Yeah yeah,"  he snorted as he flipped you off, "don't get used to it - or tell anyone. Just for you, Dulzura."

"Don't worry, baby," you shot him a cheeky wink, "our little secret for now."

»»————-　♡　————-««

The door to your apartment was thrown open in anger as you stumbled in, trying to contain your tears of anger. Stumbling over your own feet, you kicked off your heels and cursed them before slamming the door shut and locking it. You weren’t drunk, nowhere near drunk to be honest, but gods did you wish you were. Anything to get the persistent thought of him out of your mind. 

He was the one that fucking cheated, and yet here you were, the one that was suffering. All while he seemed to be having the time of his life. 

A heavy sigh escaped past chapped lips as you dragged yourself to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. One look at the label caused you to audibly groan - even it had to remind you of him. It was his favorite kind, left over from one of the many times he’d brought take out and beer over for an easy dinner after a long day. 

Throwing it into the sink, the bottle shattered and the golden liquid rushed down the drain as you only cried harder. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You shouldn’t still care this much. But that was the root of the problem - you did care. Because you’d loved him, fully and completely and thought he loved you too. A silly, foolish thought. 

Dragging yourself to the couch, you flopped onto your back and covered your wet eyes with the back of your arm as you tried to calm yourself. But it only worked momentarily as you remembered all the times you’d been with him on this couch. 

How he’d pull you into his lap, and kiss you until you were both breathless. How he’d fuck you after a long hard day, coming in to find you ready and waiting for him. How he’d lay down and watch television with you next to him, a messy tangle of limbs and lips. 

How he’d said I love you for the first time on this very couch.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Javi,” your moan was like the sweetest music in his ear as he leaned down to pepper kisses along your neck and jaw. Your arms wrapped around him like a vice grip as you held his body close to yours while he thrusted into you, “right there, please. Yes.”

"I've got you, baby," he whispered as he dragged his tongue along your collarbone, continuing to meet the roll of your hips with slow thrusts, "you feel so fucking perfect."

"Right there," your eyes squeezed shut as your toes started to curl and your vision became hazy. That familiar warmth of your release washed over your whole body, "Javier."

"Fuck, Dulzura," he dropped his head and rested it in the crook of your shoulder as he felt your walls tighten around him. He moaned in your ear, low and sultry, as your huffed him to your body, "I- fuck - I love you."

And just like that it felt your whole world suddenly stopped. Your eyes snapped wide open as you tried to figure out if what you thought he said was actually said or if it was made up in your mind. But as you met his dark eyes, there was a nervous, panicked look in them. Clearly he hadn't meant to say them out loud.

"Javier?" you reached up and touched his cheek before gently brushing away a stray lock of hair. He keened into your touch as it was enough to push him over the edge and he spilled inside of you. He all but collapsed on you, suddenly boneless, the magnitude of his words not lost on him, "did you mean it? I-I don't want to hear it unless you mean it."

And then it was silent for a few moments as you tried to catch your breath.

"Yes," he finally broke the tension and slowly lifted off you. Pulling out in one fluid motion, he sat back on the couch and pulled you into his lap, "I fucking mean it. I've never said it like this before to anyone, but fuck if I don't mean it."

"Javier,” you leaned and crashed your lips against, hungry and wanting, just as needy as before he fucked you senseless. It was messy and hard, both of you fighting for dominance as his large hand found the back of your neck and he held you close to him, “you’re an asshole. But I love you too.”

“Dulzura,” his hands found your bum as he gave it a firm a squeeze and caused you to grind against him, causing him to moan into your mouth, “fuck me.”

“I plan on it,” you whispered with a smirk on your face as he practically melted into your touch.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You slid off the couch in a fit of your own tears and choked back sobs. How could you fall for such a lie; you felt so stupid, so dumb, so used. You worked for the fucking CIA, you should have been able to spot a lie from a mile away.  But this one, the one right in front of your face, whispered to you during an intimate and sacred moment, had blindsided you and played you for a fool. 

Javier Peña was a fucking liar. He did it for a living half the time; why should this have been any different? Apparently they weren’t. You were just another way for Javier to have control over something and get his pent up anger and energy. 

He had moved on, so easily, so effortlessly, all while you were here, falling apart. You’d never let someone in like this before, had never opened up to someone so fully and completely. 

This was a prime example of why you didn’t.

You pulled yourself up from the floor and wiped at your teary eyes and snotty nose and dragged yourself to the bedroom. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

“What are you thinking about, Dulzura?” his voice was still thick with sleep as he draped an arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest. You made a small sound of delighted surprise, but your eyes were still firmly closed. It was early still and the dawn’s morning light was just beginning to filter in through your sheer curtains.

“‘M sleeping,” you insisted groggily, barely able to contain your giggles as he pressed kisses to your shoulder. 

“Bullshit,” he whispered as you huffed in jest. He could always read you like a book; the truth was that you’d been up for some time, eyes closed as a million thoughts ran through your mind, “you’re much too quiet to be asleep.”

“You realize what you’ve said is an oxymoron, right?”

“When applied to normal people yes, but with you - no,” he called out completely and you slowly turned around so you were facing him. He was right - you tended to make some sort of noises or sounds as you slept. The fact that it was dead silent was a giveaway, “dime, Cariño.”

“It’s nothing important, Javi,” you insisted as you rested your head next to his on the soft pillow. He sighed dramatically as he traced aimless shapes into your back, his fingers surprisingly soft and warm, “in the chaos that are our lives, it’s absolutely trivial and silly.”

“I like trivial and silly - I like you,” he insisted as his soft brown eyes studied yours, “out with it, or it’ll kill me all day, baby.”

“I was just thinking about this,” you pointed to his body and yours, “us. What are we doing? What’ll happen to us when all of this is over and we can be...normal?”

“What do you want to happen?”

“I asked you first, asshole,” you laughed as he kissed your forehead, “I like this - us - but if this is all that there’s ever going to be, I kind of want to know that too.”

“What do you want?” he asked, suddenly adopting a serious, “do you want this? If you want this...I want this too.”

“Javier,” reaching up slowly, you placed a gentle hand on his cheek as you watched him for a few moments before placing a chaste kiss to his plush lips, “I want this...I want you. I’m all in.”

“I know it probably doesn’t seem like much, but you have me,” he promised, and you could feel yourself practically melting into him, “that much you never have to question.”

“I love you,” you whispered before closing your eyes and let him pull against him as you left call you back, “I mean it, Javier. I didn’t think I ever would love anyone, especially not you, but it’s true.”

“I love you too, Dulzura.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

It was all a fucking lie. Your chest rose and fell in anger as you grabbed the few pictures you had of yourself and Javier off of your dresser and smashed them onto the floor. The bed sheets were next, including the pillows that seemed to be doomed to smell like him for all eternity. Everything went into an angry messy pillow on the floor as you trembled with anger and upset exhaustion. 

“Oh god,” you whispered in a choked sob to yourself as you buried your face in your hands. How could it hurt this fucking much? All because of one man. 

Because you loved him so fucking much it made your heart physically ache. Because you loved him with every fiber of your being, Because you had loved him fully and fallen for every single pretty little word he offered you. Because you loved him completely and he had just dumped you as soon as you were no longer shiny and new. As soon as someone else caught his eye.

How easy it had been for him. All the while you had been an oblivious fool.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“I’m going to go and start laundry,” the basket under your arm was full with a combination of your clothes. Javier had been spending more and more time at your apartment, almost like he lived there. And it was all terribly natural; a domestic bliss that effortlessly fell into place. 

“Need a hand?” Javier was busy in the kitchen making dinner for the two of you. There was finally some down time and you’d collectively decided to have a lazy, quiet weekend in.

“I got it,” you promised as you opened the door to head to the laundry, “be back in a few.”

He made a small sound of acknowledgment as you left. You hummed to yourself as you walked down the stairs and into the deserted open, grabbing the first washer you saw. Pulling out the clothes one by one, you placed them in, but confusion quickly hit you. Javier’s work shirts had a...different smell to them. Frowning, you brought the pink button up to your nose and took a good whiff. Immediately, your heart started to pound in your chest as you realized that it most definitely wasn’t your perfume or his aftershave on it. 

Quickly tossing the offending article into the washer, you grabbed another shirt and smelled it again, only to find the same thing. That’s when you realized - those were both shirts he had been wearing on the nights he’d come home extremely late, long after you’d been in bed. 

A sense of dread and doom washed over you like a tidal wave as you abandoned everything and ran up the stairs to your apartment. You burst through the door and Javier jumped at the intrusion as he looked at you with a surprised look on his face, “is everything okay?”

“I don’t know, Javier,” there was a shake to your voice as you closed the door behind you and looked him dead in the eyes, refusing to look away, “tell me - is everything okay?”

“Dulzura-”

“Your shirts,” your voice cracked as you realized you were about to hear the inevitable. You felt like you already knew the truth, but hearing it from his own mouth was what you needed, “they don’t smell like you...o-o-or me. What happened to your shirts, Javier? And you don’t lie to me. Don’t you dare fucking lie to me.”

“If you have to ask, then you already know,” how easily he steeled himself as he set his spoon on the stove and turned off the pot. No emotion crossed his face as he started back at you with a neutral mask; Agent Pena was in full force, “look, dul - what do you want me to say?”

“Something? Anything?” tears had already pearled up and cascaded down your cheeks as you started at him in awe, “tell me you didn’t fucking cheat on me and you’re being this causal about this.”

“Then I won’t say it,” he whispered as he took a step closer, “because you already know.”

“You’re not even going to try and defend your actions?” you felt like this must have been some sort of hysterical joke at your expense. Everything was crumbling down around you and he didn’t even seem to care, “Javier, I love you - I’m….I’m in love with you. Y-you told me you loved me too...that you wanted this.”

“For someone that works for the CIA you're not very observant sometimes,” he shook his head as he took a long breath in and out, “look...I’m not going to try and defend my actions or lie to you. I needed the information you could provide to me so I could get a leg up on your little department. This is a messy game, chiquita, a messy game where you can’t trust anyone and you need to watch your every move. In this game, you win or you die, there’s no other way to look at it. You gave me what I needed, so I gave you what you needed.”

“A lie,” your mind was reeling as you tried to make sense of it all and his words crashed around your ears. None of this was ever real….it was all a lie, a horrid, painful lie. At your expense, “it never meant anything to you.”

“I care about you,” he insisted as you scoffed between your sobs, “and I do want to keep you safe. I just...you had more insight than I could have imagined. It was a good thing while it lasted, right? Why look at this as more than it was?”

“Because I love you!” you shouted at him, “because this was real to me! Because I imagined a life and a future with you. How could you do this? You could have just been honest with me…”

“We both know that never would have worked,” he laughed bitterly, “but think of all the good times, they were real at the time, weren’t they? You were happy…”

“While living a lie,” you reminded him, “it was never real. You never...you never loved me. I should have known that none of this ever meant anything to you.”

“Listen-”

“When would you have told me the truth?”

“Eventually,” he shrugged as he stared at his feet, “we’re not alloted this type of life, this romantic bullshit - we’re just not. You have to accept and move on.”

“Get out,” you couldn’t believe that every good thing in your life for the past year had been a lie. Who else had known? Who else was in on it?

“I will keep you safe,” he promised but you weren’t even sure if you could trust that much. When did his lies start and stop?

“I said get out,” you threw open the door and pointed at it for him to leave, “I never want to see you or hear your voice again. If I do, it will be too soon. I loved you, Javier. I really fucking did. I can’t believe I actually pictured a future with you. I can’t believe I thought I meant a goddamn thing to you. Get out and leave and don’t ever come back.”

“I-”

“Get out!” you screamed as you rushed down the hall to your bedroom and slammed the door closed. You collapsed onto the floor into a fitful, sobbing rage. You heard him igh heavily a few times before the sounds of his retreating footsteps reached your ears and he left, closing the door gently behind him. 

You felt like a fucking fool. Used and hurt and worst of  - heartbroken.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Examining the mess on your floor, you gave it a good kick before leaving the room and your apartment all together. You quickly ran outside and down the few blocks to Javier’s apartment, clutching at the spare key in your pocket. 

You could see that his lights were off, and he likely wouldn’t be home for sometime. You jogged up the stairs and let yourself into his place, sighing at the familiarity of it all. 

It looked exactly like it had the last time you’d been there. Pictures of the two of you were strewn through and you still found your clothes hanging in his closet.

Just like you had done at your own place, you smashed each picture on the floor, making sure it was all utterly destroyed. Your clothes were ripped to shreds and joined the glass rubble. It was probably wrong, probably too childish, but in the moment you didn’t care. Your entire love, your entire future had all been a lie. 

When you were satisfied with your handiwork, you threw the key on top of the pile and walked out, not even bothering to slam the door. You walked back home slowly, soaking in the sights and sounds of the city at night. It was calming - grounding even - usually. But tonight it failed completely. All you could focus on was your ragged breathing and the blood pounding in your ears. 

It all served as a singular reminder.

You were stupid, foolish, and dumb. And now - bitter. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[parkersroses]

delicate. | harry styles.

summary: two lonely people find solace in each other for the night and something delicate blossoms from it. 

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

wc: 6.1k 

warning(s): fluff and smut (a first attempt at it) 

a/n: aaah i’m excited and nervous to post this. i guess it’s considered a Christmas fic because it’s set around that time. i do hope you guys enjoy this! i also wanna wish you all happy holidays! side note, i recently made a ko-fi account, so if you’re able to and like my writing, feel free to donate to it! anyways, enjoy! reblogs/feedbacks are very much appreciated! all my love and stay safe <3 (disclaimer: the gif rightfully belongs to @hampsteadharry​ )

He pushed through the door of the bar, jazz music filling up his ears as he wandered to get a seat. He sighed as he sat on a bar stool, waiting for someone to attend to him and possibly give him the strongest drink here if he felt like it. 

Harry felt tired. He’s been tired and exhausted for a while now. Tired from work. Tired from the glitz and glam. Tired of people getting close to him because of his name and status. Just mentally and physically exhausted. But that’s not to dismiss the fact that he still loves his job. He loves and enjoys making music and seeing his fans - who he declared as the best fans in the world - singing back his songs to him. 

Though, there comes a time where he doesn’t enjoy it as much as he thought he should lately. Being a well-known singer, songwriter and actor seemed pretty cool but no one knows how tiring and raining it could be. Always having to prove yourself and explaining yourself because of ridiculous rumours that articles make up. Always ending up hurt when you found out your friends were using you because of how well-known you were.

So, he announced that he’d be taking a break from all that. Of course, there was an uproar from his fans but in the end, they understood and sent him lovely messages about having to keep his mental health his main priority. 

So now, here he was, sitting at a bar, trying to drink away his emotions. Perhaps, he would find a girl that he could go home with to fill in the empty space of his bed for the night. His break was quite eye-opening to say the least. Harry realised how alone he felt. He thought it was just all in his head because how could he be lonely even when he still had few of his friends around? But he didn’t know that being alone and still feeling alone were different. 

And the irony of it nearly being Christmas, there wasn’t much magic or cheer going around for him at the moment. He’ll have to get his shit together before going back to visit his family for the holidays.

“What can I get ya?” a voice snapped Harry out of his thoughts. A woman stood before him behind the bar, he realised it was one of the bartenders there. She wore a long sleeved black shirt, the sleeves rolled up until her elbows. Her long hair was tied up into a ponytail, strands of hair framing around her face. He thought she was pretty. Beautiful, he would say.

Bartender lady snapped her fingers at his face, knocking him out of his thoughts once again. “Seemed to be far away there. Are you sure you’re good here? In a bar?” She said and she smirked at Harry. He felt the blood rushed to his cheeks, having been caught staring at the pretty bartender lady.

“S-Sorry. A whiskey for now will do,” he said softly. Pretty bartender lady smiled at him and nodded. “Alright, then,” she said, heading off to get his drink. 

Harry’s eyes followed her figure, almost like he was entranced by her. He was not sure why he did. Seconds later, she put his drink on a coaster in front of him. “Thanks,” he quietly said as he picked up his drink. 

“Don’t mention it. You seemed like you need it,” she said almost knowingly. He chuckled at her words. Well, she got that right. “Yeah, just trying to clear my head a bit,” he shrugged at her. 

Pretty bartender lady nodded. “Rough day?” She inquired. Harry raised an eyebrow at her question. He probably thought that she was trying to make a conversation other than cleaning shot glasses. He hesitated a little, thinking she might just be another fan and might spill whatever that comes out of his mouth to the nearest journalist. But then, he remembered that he’s already one drink down to probably getting drunk and his mind won’t really care even if he woke up hungover the next day.

So, he shrugged at her question. “Guess you could say that,” he said as he set down the empty shot glass. “I don’t know. I guess I just have a lot of things in my mind. And drinking does numb my emotions a bit. If that made sense,” he chose to say as he looked at her. 

She only giggled at his words. “That sounds quite deep. Should write a song about it,” she joked and for a second, Harry thought she knew about him. Because for once, he’d like to talk to someone who’s unaware of his celebrity status. Someone who’d talked to him with a sense of normalcy. Instead of talking to the famous Harry Styles. 

“Maybe I should. And I’ll credit you in it,” he joked. She laughed, throwing her head back as she did. “Oh gosh, I always wanted to be a famous songwriter,” she said dramatically. They both laughed at this. It was weird to Harry, this scene felt so normal, it felt as if he knew her for a while now. 

She nodded at his empty glass. “Want another?” She asked. Harry thought about it before asking. “Actually, what’s your favourite drink?” Pretty bartender lady was surprised to say the least, but smiled at Harry. “Why?” He only smiled back. “‘Cause I want another drink. And I want to treat you one too. I’ll even pay for yours, love,” 

She blushed at this, not expecting him to be so forward yet sweet. “Cheeky, aren’t you?” She said smiling at him, and she noticed a hint of blush on his cheeks. “My mum always taught me to be a gentleman,” he shrugged,

She chuckled at this. “Fine then. I’ll be right back,” she said, going to get whatever her favourite drink was for Harry. Harry smiled as she walked away. He couldn’t help but feel some sort of liking towards her, but not knowing why. Maybe because she was just a pretty bartender lady. 

She returned later with two glasses of her ‘favourite drink’ and set them in front of him. Harry was skeptical to see the strange colour of liquid, raising an eyebrow at her. She only smiled and raised her glass up. 

“Bottoms up,” she said as she drank from her glass. 

Harry sniffed the drink a bit before thinking he was being silly and drank it. As the sweet taste hit his taste buds, he chuckled as he shook his head. “Apple juice? Really?” He questioned. 

She laughed as she took another sip on her drink. “Well, you asked for my favourite drink and I gave it to you,” she said with a smirk in her face. “So, you don’t drink?” he asked curiously. She shrugged at him. “A bit sometimes. Just don’t prefer it unless I wanna get really drunk,” she let out a small laugh. Harry chuckled at her words, finding himself agreeing with her. 

Harry noticed how pretty of a smile she had. He didn’t know why a tiny detail like that stuck out to him. He found himself quite intrigued with the pretty bartender lady, which he realised he had been calling her that in his head without knowing her name. He stared into her eyes and found himself hypnotized by them. Suddenly, it seemed like they were the only two people in the room. Okay, stop. She’ll think you’re weird.

It was as if his mind took control over him and he found himself asking her, “When do you get off?” He asked, his eyes widening after realising the words that came out of his mouth.

What the fuck!?, he thought.

She was surprised, her mouth agape as she processed what he had just asked. But she seemed to compose herself quickly. “And why do you wanna know?” She asked nervously. 

Harry paused before choosing his next words carefully. “Because you seem really cool to talk too. And I’d like to talk to you more,” he said. He was nibbling on his bottom lip, a habit he had whenever he got nervous. He shrugged before he continued, “It’s nice to have a friend, you know?” 

Pretty bartender lady - and Harry swore he’ll get her name soon - nodded at him and smiled. Like she knew what he meant. “I’ll be off at 10,” she said. It was only 30 minutes until then. Harry was initially surprised at this, not thinking whether she would agree to - whatever he wanted to with her later. 

He nodded in response. “I’ll, uh, wait for you here, then,” he spoke nervously. She chuckled and took their glasses away so she could clean and attend to the other customers before her boss yelled at her. 

As she walked away, Harry called out to her. “Wait!” She turned around, eyes wide when he called her. “Um, what’s your name?” He asked. She smiled as her heart melted at the innocent question. 

“It’s Y/N,” she replied.

Harry nodded, a small timid smile appearing on his face. “I’m Harry,” he said. 

She smiled and nodded at his short introduction. Now, the pretty guy with forest green eyes had a name she could call him. “I’ll see you later, Harry,” she said as she returned to the back of the bar.

Harry sighed, seeming to be smitten already by her. “Yeah. See you later,” he said softly to himself.

❋

Now, Y/N was no idiot. She knew who Harry Styles was. 

She wasn’t like the biggest fan, but she appreciated his music and thought he was a lovely guy in general, according to the fan experiences she read. She didn’t know much about him, other than he was a former member of a very successful boyband and his music was just incredible. Plus, she thought he was pretty handsome.

And when she saw him walking through the doors of the bar, she had to take a double take to make sure her eyes weren’t deceiving her. 

She usually took her job quite seriously, she was polite to all customers and made sure they were always satisfied with their drinks or snacks. It was usually because she wanted to get the tips she needed to pay her rent. So, when Harry sat down by the bar, she couldn’t help herself but go to him. 

But now, she was supposed to meet him after her shift. Which was strange to her because all she did was being nice to him and making up a conversation. Did he realise that she was pretending to not know him? Was this some sort of mind trick that was playing on her? Though, he mentioned how it was nice to have a friend. Maybe there was something behind that phrase that meant something deeper to him. 

It was already 10 PM. Y/N said goodbye to her coworkers as she grabbed her scarf and coat from her locker. Her heart was beating fast because she realised she was about to go on a little rendezvous with Harry Styles, well, that was what she thought. 

She wasn’t expecting anything. She honestly thought he might have just left, realising how silly it was to wait for a bartender friend he just made. 

But she walked towards the front of the bar and he was still sitting in his seat like he said he would, waiting for her. And she felt like her heart might burst.

❋

Harry didn’t think he’d find himself sitting at a 24-hour diner, eating some waffles with a pretty friend he just met at nearly 11 PM. He was starting to blame that one whiskey drink he asked for earlier as to be honest, he didn’t know what was happening. 

When he met Y/N in front of the bar after the shift, he was nervous, shifting on his feet in habit. When Y/N asked him what he had in mind, he froze because he realised he didn’t think this through. All he wanted was to talk to pretty bartender lady Y/N. The rest was all hazy to him. Luckily, Y/N just laughed at this and guided him to her favourite diner. 

They both ordered waffles with honey and blueberry toppings, courtesy of Y/N as she said they were the best waffles she ever had. Y/N got herself a chocolate smoothie while Harry just ordered a nice hot tea. It was a nice little meal. 

“So, Harry, what brings you here to LA?” Y/N asked him as she munched on her waffles. 

Harry sipped on his tea before clearing his throat. “Uh, I live here, mostly for work. But I’m on a break now,” he said, not giving out too much information. “Hmm. But you haven’t lived here long, I assume. Could tell by your accent,” she said knowingly.

He smiled at this. “Yeah? You like my accent, darlin’?” he teased her and pride filled himself as he saw her cheeks flaring up in the colour red. “Quite the flirt, are ya? But yes, your accent is cute,” she said as she ate. “Good to know,” he smiled and winked at her. 

Y/N rolled her eyes at him as she blushed. He seemed to be quite the flirt, teasing her and calling her pet names. If it were any other guy, she would’ve just left. She admitted that she might not have the best ways in maintaining a relationship. It was always whether she was too picky or bossy and her insecurities always got the best of her. She was used to feeling of being used for sex and her body even when she wanted to believe they wanted something more out of it. She closed herself off from love for a while now. While everyone said that her time will come, she just ignored them. Her main priority was herself and that was for sure.

But there was something about Harry that was pulling her in. He wasn’t far from what the papers write about him but at the same time, he was. He seemed somewhat closed off as she was. She didn’t want to pry, she’d never do that. It was like he was in this fish tank surrounded by spectators watching his every move. Maybe the life he has had somewhat prevented him from forming a real, honest attachment. Or maybe she was just making this all up. 

She sipped on her smoothie, her eyes focused on his. She realised how green his eyes were looking up close. “So, I have a question. And I want you to answer this as truthfully as possible,” she said, propping her head on the palms of her hands. Harry raised an eyebrow at her, chuckling a bit before nodding. “Alright, love. Lay it on me,” he said, leaning back on the booth. 

Y/N blushed at the pet name given and cleared her throat. “Why did you want to see me?”

It was silent between them. Harry should’ve known this question would come up. Truthfully, he didn’t know how to answer it, he was never one to make friends with a random person and go on a little rendezvous late at night. He shrugged at this, “Like I told you, it’s nice to have a friend,”

“That couldn’t be all,” Y/N smiled. “You don’t seem like the kind of person to befriend a bartender and go out with her for a late supper the same night,” Harry blushed at this and scratched the back of his ear with his finger. “I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to be spontaneous a bit,”

Y/N hummed at this, sipping on her drink. Harry’s eyes were trained on her and she somehow found that a bit intimidating. “I got off work just to clear my mind a bit,” he continued. “Sometimes, I’d go out with my friends, I’d meet some girls and spend the night with them, just to feel something. Just to not be alone,” This was the most Harry had opened up to someone in a while. 

“But you still feel alone,” Y/N spoke. Harry frowned at this, not quite sure what she meant. “You could be with someone, and still would feel alone. I get that,” she explained. 

Harry’s mouth was agape. “Y-Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled out. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,”

“You really don’t know me, do you?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. She let out a small laugh. “I knew who you were the moment you stepped foot into that bar,” she said. Harry’s eyes widened. All this time, he was glad he thought Y/N didn’t know him but she treated him like any other normal person. But she knew all along. 

“That was.. Surprising,” he chuckled as he ran his hands through his curly locks. “But, you didn’t seem to look like y’know me. Treated me like a normal person,” She stifled a laugh. “Well, would you rather I’d treat you like royalty? Curtsey in front of you?” She joked. 

Harry laughed at this. “No, no. It was nice. It’s good t’just pretend your life is normal for once,” he nodded at her. “I’m sure you have some friends that treat you like you are just Harry,” she smiled. 

Harry only shrugged at this, “A few of them do. When you’re in the industry long enough, you’d know how to tell apart the few people that are honest and real with you and the many who just use you sometimes.” Y/N frowned at this but nodded. While she couldn’t connect to being in the same industry as him, she knew perfectly how it feels like to be used by people you allowed yourself to get close to. 

He brought his cup of tea to his lips, realising how cold it was getting. “You want some?” He offered his drink to her. Y/N nodded, taking the cup from him. “You like tea?” She asked.

“I do, but I prefer coffee,” he smiled at this random conversation. “Please tell me you don’t take your coffee black,” Y/N narrowed her eyes at him, as if she was daring him to admit it. Harry smirked and shrugged at her. “Sorry, love. It’s the best way to have coffee,”

“No, it’s not! It’s so bitter!” Y/N exclaimed and laughed at this. “I don’t think this would work out,” she pouted. Harry swore his heart beated a little faster, seeing her lips pout. He wondered how they’d feel against his. “What wouldn’t work out, love?” He smiled at her. 

Y/N blushed at this, looking down at her lap before she looked at him again. “Whatever you want this to be,”

They spent their time getting to know each other and by the time it was midnight, Harry ended up paying for their meals, ignoring her protests as he did. Y/N was tempted to wipe off that smug smile off his face. The December air howled as the night went on as the decorative holiday lights lit up the street they walked on. The two walked side by side, their hands brushing against each other’s. If Harry had the guts, he would intertwine their hands together. But he didn’t. Not yet, at least. 

“Random question, but do you prefer sunrises and sunsets?” she asked out of the blue. Harry thought for a moment before answering, “M’not sure, actually. Never really paid attention to them all that much.” Y/N nodded at his answer.

“Sometimes I like to wake up early just to see the sunrise,” Y/N spoke. Harry looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah? You like sunrises?” he asked gently, the cold air making his breath visible to see. “I do. I like sunsets too. But no one ever stops to appreciate the sunrises,” she sighed.

“Maybe it’s because they can’t be bothered to wake up so early,” Harry joked, making her laugh. “Yeah. Well, I do that. My apartment has a nice view of it. It’s nice. The city is just beginning to wake up. The golden glow casted upon it,” 

Harry nodded at her. “Is this your way of inviting me over?” He teased. Y/N paused, her cheeks flaming up. It wasn’t her intention, but she might as well have done so. Harry was a nice company to keep and she liked him. She really did like him. “Maybe,” she mumbled. 

Harry smiled at her sudden shyness. It was something he liked about her. He really liked her. And he wanted her to take him back to her home, as pathetic as that made him seem. 

“Well, lead the way, darlin’,”

Y/N struggled to put her keys into the keyhole of her apartment. Nervous was an understatement for her. She had a really sweet and attractive man waiting behind her and she was about to invite him in. She was almost sweating at the thought and she didn’t know why.

She opened the door, letting the warm air of her small apartment flow through them. Harry found it quite cozy. There were plants placed in different corners of the room, he noticed a record player by the television. There was also an easel standing by it. It was small, unlike his luxurious houses, but homey.

“You paint?” He asked. Y/N blushed at this, she forgot to put away your paint and clean up. In her defense, she didn’t think you would have company tonight. “Yeah, s’just a hobby. And somewhat a side hustle,” she said, taking off her coat and putting in on the couch. Harry did the same, subtly wiping his sweaty palms against his dark jeans. 

“Uh, d-do you want something to drink?” she asked nervously. Idiot, you just had drinks. “Or, if y’want, I have some chocolate chip cookies. If you like chocolate chip cookies. I mean, y’don’t have to but-,” Y/N was cut off upon hearing Harry chuckling at her, his expression amused as he listened to her nervous rambling. 

“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’m good,” he said, smiling at her. She blushed again at the use of the pet name.

It was silence, the only thing that could be heard was their breathing as they looked at each other. Harry slowly walked over, Y/N’s breath hitched as he did so. She was nervous and she was scared, she hadn’t done this in a long time. His arm settled on her waist and it was the first time he touched her. His eyes, green as ever and filled with lust and passion, were focused on hers. She could feel his breath hitting her face due to the proximity between them. 

Y/N gently placed her hands on his chest, feeling it rising up and down as he breathed. His forehead was already pressing against hers, their noses slightly brushing against each other. “Can I kiss you?” Harry finally asked ever so softly. And Y/N couldn’t help but nod her head. “Please,”

His lips crashed into hers, gently at first, but she kissed him harder, making it more passionate. She could hear him moan into the kiss as their tongues battled for dominance. His hands travelled lower to her backside, she moaned aloud as he squeezed them. When they pulled away, they would instantly pull into another kiss again, wanting to be close. Harry lowered his hands further behind her thighs, signaling her to jump so he could hold her tightly against him. 

“Y/N, I won’t be able to stop,” he said, gasping for air. Y/N only kissed him again, replying as her lips were against his. “Then, don’t,”

Y/N wasn’t sure how they made it to her room, laying nearly naked on her bed. She just realised how many tattoos he had on his body. She traced over the art scattered over his skin delicately. “Harry,” she whimpered as she felt his hardened length grinding against her core. She could feel her arousal seeping through her underwear. She gasped as he pressed kisses down her neck onto her collarbones, her eyes rolling back when he sucked a sweet spot there. His fingers entangled themselves between hers, squeezing them tightly. 

“Harry, please,” 

“I got you, baby. Gonna take my time with you,” he said gently as he kissed her forehead.

Y/N could feel her heart beamed at the sweet gesture. She had one-night stands before, but none of them felt as intimate as with Harry. The way he kissed her, held her, it almost felt right. And she wondered if he felt it too. 

When they’re fully naked and Harry lined himself against her, he looked at her, as if he was asking if she was still sure of this; if she wanted this; if she wanted him. Her eyes were shining as the moonlight shone through her curtains, her hair sprawled against her pillow. She was beautiful and ethereal. He almost couldn’t believe it. 

A nod from her was all it took for him to push himself in, the two moaning in relief as pleasure shot through their bodies. He slowly thrusted, taking his time with her. The feeling of euphoria running through their bodies as they held each other close. Her legs were wrapped around his hips, wanting to keep his warm body close to her. “Harry, faster,” Y/N pleaded.

It was almost like a switch went off his head before Harry spreaded her legs further, thrusting harder and further into her. Moans and groans filled the room and the scent of sex and sweat filled the air. Harry had his head buried into the crook of her neck, breathing hard as he felt the pleasure burning at the bottom of his spine. He was close and he knew she was too from the way she was clenching around him. 

“You close, baby?” He breathed out as he looked at her. The bed was creaking with every movement they made. Y/N moaned in ecstasy as she nodded her head, trying to keep her eyes on him. She didn’t want to miss a thing with him.

Harry took her by surprise by pulling out, lifting her up so she sat on his lap. He guided himself into herself, groaning as she welcomed him in her. Y/N moaned loudly as she felt him hit deeper, feeling herself clenching around him. She quickly began to move against him, smiling as she saw Harry shut his eyes in pleasure, murmuring her name. “C-Close, Harry, fuck,” she groaned as she moved faster.

Harry sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer as if it was possible. He thrusted his hips upwards against hers, adding to the euphoric pleasure that was coursing through them. “I know, baby. Fuck, y’feel so good around me,” he moaned out, looking at her with hooded eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, their heavy breaths hitting each other’s faces. 

It was only a glance into his forest green eyes that triggered her high. She moaned out loud, her body shaking against him, and just the sight of her high triggered Harry’s. He groaned against her neck and cursed a string of profanities under his breath as he kept thrusting his hips into her, prolonging his orgasm. When they calmed down from their highs, they took deep breaths before pressing their lips together. Harry could hear a whimper from the beautiful woman above him. He was delirious with the bliss feeling. 

They laid on their sides, admiring each other’s glowing yet sweaty state. Harry closed his eyes and sighed as Y/N brushed her fingers through his hair. “Y’alright?” he murmured to her. She nodded and gave him a shy smile. He thought it was cute of her acting all shy after having done such an intimate and dirty activity with him. He kissed the tip of her nose, smiling as she scrunched it up. “You’re beautiful,” he admitted. 

Y/N let out a deep breath. There was no denying the attraction she felt for him. The setting was so intimate, far from what she thought it was going to be. She felt herself opening up to him, something she prevented herself from doing for a long time. She was scared of this, but she liked it at the same time. 

“Hold me?” she asked and Harry pulled her against his body without a second to waste. Their breathing was the only sound they paid attention to. Y/N nuzzled her face against the crook of his neck, her finger tracing the tattoos on his chest. 

“Are you gonna stay?” she asked softly. She was not expecting anything, but she hoped he did stay. 

Harry smiled and pulled her closer. “Only if y’want me to,” he said. Y/N returned the smile, tracing out his lips with her finger, feeling how soft they were. 

“I’d like that,”

❋

When Harry woke up, he felt an empty cold space beside him. Confused at first, he sat up slowly, wondering where the pretty woman he liked was. He turned his head and there she was, sitting by her window looking out into the early morning. She was sipping on something from her mug and she was wearing his dark blue T-shirt from the night before. She looked absolutely breathtaking. 

“You’re up early,” he said, catching her by surprise at the sound of his voice. She smiled at him and made her way to sit on his lap, putting her mug on the bedside table. “You missed the sunrise.” She ran her fingers through his messy bed hair. He sighed, realising how much he liked her doing that simple yet intimate gesture. “Yeah? Was it pretty?” 

“Very,” she sighed as Harry laid his head on his shoulder. He held her tightly in his arms, similar to how he did when they slept. “Well, you’re prettier,” he said, planting kisses up her neck. She realised how deep and raspy his voice sounded in the morning, it sent shivers down her spine. “Well, you’re a charmer,” she murmured. 

Harry looked up at her, taking in her morning glow that she was emitting. “Your eyes are really pretty,” Y/N said softly as she admired his forest green eyes. “Yeah? Y’think so?” he said, playfully fluttering his eyes at her. She laughed at this, throwing her head back. Harry thought it was the sweetest sound. She traced the outline of his lips with her index finger, feeling how soft they were under her touch. Harry kept his mouth agape as she did so. 

“Can I kiss you?” Y/N whispered. He smiled at her, remembering his exact words from the night before, before nodding. “Please,”

The fluttering in his stomach intensified as their lips met. The thing that clouded Harry’s mind was how soft her lips were and how sweet they tasted. Their kiss almost made him feel dizzy for how much passion there was. When they pulled away, he looked at Y/N with hooded eyes, his breathing was heavy from the blissful sensation he felt. He gently wrapped his arms around her frame and it just felt right.

He pulled her into another kiss, a moan elicited from Y/N that sent blood rushing to his lower region. His hands travelled up his shirt she was wearing and he let out a groan, realising she had nothing underneath it. He felt drunk by her touch, her scent; everything. It was a delicate feeling he felt and he didn’t want to let go of it. He could get used to this, the feeling of her. For once in a long while, he didn’t feel alone anymore. 

It was no doubt that Y/N felt the same. 

It all just felt right. 

❋

The snow was covering the backyard, the trees and bushes were covered in white. Y/N watched as the snow fell while sipping on her hot chocolate. The house was decorated for the special wintery day. The tree was lit up and decorated with many ornaments as well as pictures on it, the presents laying closely below it. 

Voices snapped her out of her thoughts, she smiled as she heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. She turned around to see her husband holding up a sleepy little girl in his large muscular arms, the little girl they were blessed with as their daughter. Harry was talking animatedly to Ruby, trying to wake her up in the Christmas spirit. 

He gasped and pointed his finger at you. “Look, Rue! It’s mummy! An early bird, isn’t she?” He said to Ruby as he bounced her gently in his arms. You rolled your eyes at his silliness. “Mama,” the little girl reached out to her mother as she rubbed her sleepy eyes. Y/N set her mug on the counter and grabbed lifted little Ruby in her arms. “Morning, Rue baby,” Y/N cooed softly at her, closing her mouth with the back of her hand when she yawned. 

“Think she’s a bit tired,” Harry chuckled at them. “Y’think? Who’s the idiot that woke her up early?” Y/N asked sarcastically at her husband. He only lifted his arms up in defense, a smug smile painted on his face. Ruby quietly giggled at her parents. He sipped on a mug of hot chocolate and she narrowed her eyes at her as he leaned back on the counter. 

“Are you really drinking my hot chocolate?” Harry paused for a bit before swallowing the warm drink. “I’ll make ya another one, love,” he rubbed the back of his neck. Y/N rolled her eyes at him before chuckling. “You better, Styles.” She felt Ruby shifting in her arms and gently bounced her. “Y’alright, bubs?” She pouted at her daughter. 

“Snow,” she said, pointing out the window where the snow was falling. “Yeah, bubs! It’s snowing!” Y/N exclaimed excitedly to her, making Ruby giggle. “Dada, snow!” she exclaimed to her father. 

Harry laughed at his daughter’s adorableness. “That’s right, Rue!” He agreed, stroking through her curly hair that she inherited from him. He placed a hand gently on Y/N’s clothed stomach. “And how’s bub number 2 doing?” He asked softly. Y/N smiled, her heart beaming at the gentleness of her husband. “They’re doing great in there,” she said, placing her hand over his above her two-month growing belly. 

Harry beamed at this, pressing a gentle kiss on her lips, eliciting a small whimper from her. 

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips. Even after all these years, she found his green eyes just as beautiful and hypnotizing.

“I love you, too,” she said and smiled at him as they broke away. 

Perhaps, Harry would consider himself lucky that his sad lonely self walked into the bar she previously worked at five years ago. Maybe if he hadn’t opened up to Y/N or went back to her apartment, he wouldn’t be able to have this little family he was blessed with. There was something so delicate and real he felt that night that he wanted to keep. So naturally, they both let their walls down and took a chance on each other. And perhaps because it was nearing Christmas that night, he would think of it as some Christmas miracle. 

“Wanna open the presents, Rue?” Y/N asked Ruby as bounced her in her arms. Ruby giggled, not even understanding what her mother said, and nodded. “Yeah? Wanna open presents with mummy and daddy?” Y/N said excitedly as she carried her into the living room. Harry chuckled at the precious sight of them as he followed them.

As they sat down in the living room, he took a moment to just admire his wife and his daughter. Y/N, though wearing one of his Christmas sweaters and sleep shorts, looked just as beautiful and ethereal as she did the night they met. She held little Ruby in her arms, who was busy tearing up the small present in front of her. His wife cheered at their daughter as she took out a little stuffed teddy bear, giggling as she waved it around with her small hands.

Y/N looked up at him and gave him a loving smile as she intertwined her fingers with him. Despite them being in such cold weather, her hands felt warm against his. He admired how they fit perfectly in his. Ruby babbled incoherently to her parents about her gift, in which they nodded like they understood what she said. Harry’s heart warmed up just thinking of how they’ll have another addition to their loving little family soon. 

His heart was full of love and happiness. He no longer felt alone. He had everything he wanted in that moment, his growing little family.

Everything was just right. 

[sitp-recs]

Hey Liv! Just wanted to pop into your ask box to spread a little holiday/winter cheer. What's your favorite family Christmas tradition (assuming you celebrate!) If you don't celebrate, and/or you just want to answer this too, what is your favorite quote from a fic?

Hello my darling! That’s such a lovely message, thank you! I hope you and yours are having an amazing holiday season ❤️

I grew up in Brazil and honestly we don’t have a lot of Christmas traditions down there, which I suspect has something to do with the fact it happens during summer when it’s hot as hell - I didn’t do much other than putting up a fake tree and getting together with (the whole) family for dinner and gifts exchanging. That being said, I spent the last four Christmas in North America and got a bit more familiar with their traditions. I would say that baking cookies and decorating the (real, big) tree are my favorites. I also enjoy listening to Christmas songs in the car, they’re so full of joy and wonder! My mood always gets better after checking a Christmas soundtrack 😂 I didn’t know many traditional songs before moving abroad, now I even have favorites! What about you, Phoebes?

As for fic quotes, I wish I was better at keeping track of those but my memory sucks D: I should probably write them down (which I actually do for my single recs). There are some short quotes I find easier to remember and really love like “You know what I like, you taught me what I like” from Old Black Magic and “I think I could find you in whatever body, I’d know you with any face” from Two Zinnias. I think that, in general, specific bits of dialogue hit me harder than single lines, maybe because the context make them particularly powerful/meaningful? There are a few bits of dialogue that got stuck in my head for no apparent reason. One is from a Steve/Tony fic I first read in 2014, and I’m not even into this ship anymore! I also love myself some good smut dialogue, I’m always amazed by how well they establish a mood or explore the characters. Do you have any favorites? :)

[hotkoyo]

SFW Howie Alphabet Headcanons

Author's Note: When will my husband come home from war?

Disclaimer: These headcanons are based on how I imagine Howie to be based on the game. You don't have to agree with what I say here as everyone is free to have their own ideas.

𝄥 𝄞 ── 𝄇

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

VERY affectionate. I honestly feel like he grew up surrounded with so much love and now he’s just overflowing with it. Howie is all about showing his love through warm hugs, having his arm around you, swinging your hands as you walk, head pats, you name it. Another one, in my opinion, is words of affirmation. He'd tell you how much you matter to him through words, like quoting lines from his favorite movies and saying "I love you" before you both go to sleep.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Affectionate. Lots of play fighting and cuddling during movie sessions. Singing to Disney songs at the top of your lungs. You guys make friendship bracelets for each other (and he never takes off his). Definitely one of those dudes who drive their best friend everywhere.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If it’s not apparent already, this dude is a giant golden retriever and he lives for the cuddles. He is born to cuddle, baby. Due to his size, it’s natural that he ends up as a big spoon more often than not but he definitely loves the moments he gets to be the small spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

So domestic, even when you guys just started dating. It’s easy to imagine yourself settling down with someone as warm and comforting as Howie. He would love to settle down and build a home with you and you guys love having conversations about your dream house and how your life would be like in five, ten years. He’s alright at cooking in general but can cook some amazing Chinese dishes that his mom taught him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would be hard for him to get out of a relationship, to be completely honest. He’s one of those people who easily gets attachment issues and finds it hard to move on from a relationship. If he really has to be the one to end the relationship, he would want to talk it out with you and try to end your relationship on a good note. I feel like he’s one of those people who really values respect, even when things aren’t working out anymore between you two.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Howie is a hopeless romantic and while he does have his insecurities, I feel like he would really love to commit to someone. In terms of marriage, it really depends on you. I don’t think his career would hinder him much when it comes to popping the question, to be honest. If he feels like he’s comfortable enough with the relationship and sees that you are, too, I think he’d propose to you when he feels like the time is right.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Howie is a textbook example of a gentle giant. He knows he’s strong so physically, he knows when to hold back a bit. Emotionally, it’s canon that he’s a soft and caring boy through and through and he would never hurt you on purpose.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Ugh, he LOVES hugs. It’s canon that the Yan fam is really good with hugs so if you need a pick-me-up, he’s your man. Whenever you guys are alone, he acts like an overgrown koala because he can’t get enough of hugging you. If hot chocolate is a hug, it’s what Howie’s would feel like. Warm, familiar, and comforting.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He knows he loves you when he does but holds back a lot in fear of coming off too strong. If he feels that you feel the same, then he would say it pretty quickly into the relationship or during a spur of a moment. If it seems that you need more time, he would hold back just so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s the type who’s less jealous and more insecure. His jealousy isn’t going to make him act rashly and put you on the spot. It’s slow and creeping and you might not notice at first because of how well he conceals it but it becomes apparent by the way he starts to act distant.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Warm and gentle. His kisses make you feel so safe and loved and he likes to take the time to show you how he feels through the gesture. He loves to kiss you everywhere but his favorite places to kiss you are your nose and temples.

Also, kiss him on the forehead and he’d melt into a puddle. Another one of his hotspots is at the back of his neck. Kiss him there and watch him sputter as he tries to gain back his bearings.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He loves kids, kids love him. He humors the kids a lot and is a great impersonator so prepare yourself for some improvised skits in front of the kiddos. Can’t say no to the kids, though, so you might have to step in from time to time. Kids treat him like a human jungle gym. Which he actually is.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

I definitely see him as a morning person. Also, he’s so fit that you can’t tell me he doesn’t workout every single morning. Probably goes on an early jog and is one of those people who seems so chipper even if it's only seven in the morning.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Have you seen actors with their stage makeup on? There’s no way Howie’s skin stays so smooth and supple without some form of skincare routine. Has his own skincare routine and loves doing it with you together in front of the mirror (while making faces at you). After a good skincare session, he'll sit on the couch or in bed with you cuddled up to him as he reads scripts from his new upcoming projects.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Depending on how much he trusts you, it could be sooner or later. The thing with him is that he keeps things bottled up to himself. It’s hard and it’s tiring and the moment he feels safe with you, the dam breaks and he starts to reveal things about himself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It’s definitely hard to annoy Howie and even harder to provoke him. He has the patience of a saint and unless something is very wrong, you can always find him just chillin lol.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s quite sentimental so he definitely remembers your relationship milestones. He remembers a lot of small things about you; like how you like your cereal and your best friend’s name from high school. Some of the details can be fuzzy at times but he tries!

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Canonically: The moment you said yes when he asked to be your boyfriend at Luca’s "sister's wedding".

Headcanon: The time you both visited his family in Chicago for the holidays. You were walking home from dinner when the snowfall turned into a snowstorm. It was terribly cold and windy but you both kept on laughing at the situation and you looked so gorgeous with snow stuck to your hair under the waning streetlight that he didn’t even care that he's freezing his butt off.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Isn’t too protective in the traditional sense because he knows you can take care of yourself. More protective of how you feel because of his words and actions so he’s careful in what he says and how he says them because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Highkey loves to be protected tho. Thinks it's kinda hot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Puts a lot of effort in his career, obviously. Howie is always so passionate and ambitious when it comes to being a top actor. Relationship-wise, he’s a simp. Dates are mostly casual with him but he puts extra time and effort in choosing or making gifts. All the extra and expensive bits goes into your anniversary dates.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

A lot of times, he leaves his wet, sweaty workout shirts at the corner of the room and somehow always forgets no matter how many times you’ve scolded him. Sometimes doesn’t close or tie snack packages properly so when it's your turn to eat them, they’re often stale. A terrible snorer when he’s had a long day on set.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Quite concerned. He likes to highlight the nice parts of his body through the clothes he choose to wear and tries to follow a healthy diet in general. He worked hard for his body and as much as embarrassing as it is to admit, he loves to show off and be admired for it (especially by you).

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

A strong believer that every person is complete and whole on their own. He believes that every person is their own and just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that your life must revolve around that person. Even so, he is a romantic. So even if he knows that he's complete without you, he does prefer to have you by his side.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He can play the piano really well. Aside from dance lessons, his parents put aside a lot of money to sign him up for piano classes when he was younger. Now, he plays them whenever he’s deep in thought and it’s always relaxing to hear him play.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, Howie doesn’t like broccoli. Keep those away from him. Please. When it comes to partners, Howie stays away from people who make him feel less. Basically people who put him down for being who he is and liking the things he likes. Narcissists, if you will.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s a snuggler and he nuzzles into your side a lot when he sleeps. Whether you get too warm is your problem because this dude is Strong™ and won’t let you push him aside that easily. And, God, I hate to say this but he’s definitely a snorer. Not all the time but when he’s really tired.... let’s just say you won’t be getting a decent sleep.

[missmonsters2]

omg I can request a natasha romanoff x fem reader? like nat is very protective, so someone on the team yells at reader and nat gets very angry. love u ❤️❤️❤️

Protective nat makes me so soft. And gay. Love you!! 💘

Count: 1052

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

Natasha thinks you're the most precious person to may ever grace this universe.

If she could, she would whisk you away to a place where you'd never have to deal with reality again.

But the closest she gets to that is getting you a job at Avenger Compound’s coffee stand. You had declined at first, not wanting to rely on your girlfriend for a job while you were also trying to get your degree. But Natasha always had a way of convincing you, which usually involved a debate you never win and also her tongue. 

You were currently decorating the coffee shop in the compound as it wouldn't be for another couple of hours that your coworker would come, and you wanted to surprise her.

The nice thing about working for Tony was that the compound was relatively quiet since it wasn't a regular coffee shop that anyone could access, but the pay was undoubtedly better.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...damn it," Tony groaned as he stopped by. You've been playing Christmas music since you opened this morning non-stop.

"The songs are getting stuck in my head, isn't there anything else you could play?" Tony was still mumbling under his breath the lyrics. 

"Blasphemous! Of course I can't!" You shout dramatically, smiling right after. You place your boss's regular drink on the counter for him to take. "On the house, since it's Christmas and all."

"You say that as if I don't get free coffee every day since it's, you know, my coffee shop," Tony smirks. 

"Free coffee? No sir, I've been merely adding it to your tab..." You feign confusion. "But I suppose in the spirit of giving, I'll forgive your enormous coffee debt."

Tony lets out a burst of laughter, shaking his head at you. "I'll be sure to let your boss know that you're costing him money."

"If you could talk me up for a Christmas bonus as well, I would be ever so grateful," you jokingly say with a smile. 

Tony laughs again, cheering his coffee to you as he walks off. "I have a feeling he's in the spirit of giving too!"

You shake your head as you get back to decorating. It isn't for another couple of minutes when another person comes up. It seems to be a new agent because you've never recognized him before.

"Hey!" He starts off rudely, and you already want to roll your eyes. "I need a black coffee with two sugars immediately."

"O-kay," you say, running it up on your till. "That'll be $2.78."

The guy rears his face in anger and confusion. "No, I work here. I'm an agent."

"Okay...it'll still be $2.78," you raise your brow at him. 

He scoffs at you like you're the dumbest person on this planet currently. "I don't think you understand," he tells you again, speaking slowly as if that will make you understand. "I work here, so the facilities are free. I don't pay for the coffee." 

"Yes..." You spoke slowly to him back, annoyed at him. "But this coffee shop is Tony Stark's, not part of the Avenger's property...therefore, it'll be $2.78."

The agent's face grew red in the cheeks as he started screaming at you in anger. "Listen here, do you want me to report you? I could have you replaced if you don't just give me the damn coffee!"

You were about to say something else when a furious blonde came up behind him. 

"And who do you think you are that you can get her replaced?" 

The agent swiftly turns around, shocked, face still red but now from embarrassment and fear when he sees Natasha Romanoff standing behind him, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"O-Oh, Miss Romanoff," the agent stuttered. "I was just trying to tell this girl that the coffees are free here as part of the orientation earlier."

"Yes, the coffee in the kitchen, not the coffee shop owned by Tony Stark," Natasha grounded out. "I believe the orientation outlined that as I was the one who told you."

"O-Oh, well, I--"

"So, as my girlfriend kindly told you, the coffee will be $2.78," Natasha cut him off. "I expect you're also in a giving mood today with the holidays." 

The red disappears from the agent's face as quickly as it turns pale as he looks at you. The mistake and fear alone from the entire thing has the agent pulling out a crisp $100 bill from Natasha's implication. 

"K-Keep the change for the trouble I caused. My apologies, I should've paid attention more." The agent hands you the money and grabs the coffee with shaky hands. 

"It will do you well to listen in the future and cease being an ass to retail workers," Natasha lifted her thumb to gesture the way back to the training rooms. "Finish running 30 laps by the time I'm back."

The agent nods jerkily and takes off, not even sparing you a second glance.

You stare at the crisp bill in your hand, laughing as you put the remaining change in your tip jar.

"Good morning to you too," you say with a smile as Natasha comes up to the counter. 

Natasha grumbles but stops when you put your hand on top of hers. 

"I thought you weren't going to be able to see me until lunch," you say, reminded of the conversation you had with Natasha before you both went off to work. 

"Yes, but I decided to escape for a few minutes. Steve can handle the training; I'm sure he lives for that shit," Natasha rolls her eyes. "Now, I did come down here for a reason."

"Oh? And what would that be?" You smile. 

Natasha reveals her other hand that was behind her back, holding a mistletoe in it.

"'Tis the season and all," Natasha grinned, and you have to hold back your laughter. Natasha holds the mistletoe over your head as she starts to lean in.

"I hope you're in a giving mood," you smirk, and Natasha licks her lips delicately.

"Of course," she starts giving you the bedroom eyes. "I should give that agent enough time to finish his laps."

Natasha leans so closely you can feel the brush of her lips against yours, smelling the scent of gingerbread on her.

"How generous."