#gentle alex

[natty-tuning-in]

Hoh boy. I don't know how to tag this one man.

Side note: Tavin is (ethnically) Korean. that's why ppl are confused at his accent. this is written from his point of view and is how he feels about himself, I don't think these things abt him or anyone who is like him!! he just hates himself a LOT and this is that internal monolog almost.

Side side note I have AUs of my own OCs 💀💀 this is the main universe, canon if u will. I should start tagging AUs... the "virgin boy never came once" Alex agenda is fun but the main universe Alex isn't like that.

tw; dehumanization, hypersexuality, implied sexual assault, serious self hatred, slut-shaming, person being referred to as a thing, severe depression, he's known as the local slut that anyone can pull basically. also I use Italics WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH because it sounds good in my voice in my head, so just strain those words in your head kinda. lmk if I should tw for anything else cus I'm running on 2 hours of sleep rn

Tavin could barely even meet the man's eyes.

He knew that people fell in love with each other, and he knew that it happened for most people. But not for him. How could it? People with worth fell in love with other worthy people. From all he'd gathered, he wasn't considered worthy. Not in the slightest.

He didn't consider himself worthy, other people didn't consider him worthy. It wasn't hard to gather that he was pretty much supposed to be in bad relationships, or on his own. At least, that's what he assumed. Anyone with even an ounce of self respect didn't dare look at him with anything other than lust. He wasn't ever meant to be anything more than a casual one night thing, or maybe a little experiment for another guy to figure out his sexuality. And that was fine. He'd gotten used to it. He'd more than gotten used to it, he had just fully accepted it. This was how it should be, and him trying to actually bond with someone was just utterly embarrassing on his part.

Everyone saw it as desperation, everyone saw it as off putting. He couldn't switch up now, he was known. Once a whore, always a whore. It was his own damn fault and he accepted it. He tried his hardest to stifle all these ridiculous, absurd fantasies of his, ones where someone would tell him 'I love you', someone other than a half-stranger on top of him with a brain full of oxytocin and eyes completely lacking any genuine emotion besides lust.

He was getting tired. He was getting tired of waking up in a strange bed. He was tired of not being able to look anyone on top of him in the eye. He was tired of people dragging their nails across the areas that he hated being touched in. He was tired of every single touch leaving a bruise, a not so gentle reminder that everyone only saw him as an object and that it'd fucking stay that way and it was his own fault. He has no one else to blame but himself.

And what was worse was he couldn't tell if it would be better to quit or not. He was starved of everything a person could be starved of. The way these people touched him was cold and selfish, and he absolutely hated it, but it was still touch. And he couldn't even fucking tell if it was worse having to go without that. Touch he hated was better than nothing, especially if that was the only relationship, if it could be called that, that he could get. He couldn't decide if waking up in a stranger's bed was worse than waking up in his own. His own bed, where he'd lay for hours upon hours, rotting in his own stinking cesspit of a mind, staring at his ceiling and feeling so goddamn helpless and stuck.

This couldn't change, and he didn't know if he wanted to throw all of it away. It was his only distraction from his wretched imagination. It was like gasoline to the pain of his mind, sure. But more importantly was it cancelled itself out. One more body in his count, one more face to haunt him. One more night he was running from his thoughts. A price he was willing to pay, apparently. It was like a drug.

He was confusing to look at and that's why people were attracted to him like flies. Trying to figure out what was wrong with him, he assumed. Why are your eyes different colors? You look so young. You're so tall! You're so skinny! And his absolute least favorite: why do you sound like that? Do you have a speech impediment? You don't look Russian. He was Russian. And maybe people would know that Russian isn't a fucking look, that you dont look Russian. They'd know if they actually cared enough to get to know him. God, how long had it been since he'd had a personal conversation?

And then this guy came in.

This. Fucking. Guy.

Puppy dog eyes, auburn hair and a real zest for life. Happy all the damn time, equal parts innocent and flirty, and the most adorable combination of facial features Tavin had ever seen. And his nose, god, Tavin felt so pathetic for fawning over a damn facial feature. But it was adorable. It was slightly downturned and it complimented his downturned eyes perfectly and gave him the most gorgeous and bright smile. He was a human sunshine.

And it made Tavin sick.

He was a literal slut. People didn't even have to try anymore. All it took was for someone to look into his tired, tired eyes, swallowed by puffy dark skin, and nod to the exit. And people knew that. He'd gotten so pathetic that people knew they could get him for a night if they made eye contact. Sometimes he wondered how they could do it. He couldn't bring himself to say no. He was too tired, too self hating to ever do it. He wondered how these people could knowingly take advantage of him. And then he'd shut the thoughts up by telling himself that it didn't matter. It's what he deserved, right? He could just say no. He wasn't worth anything and he was lucky people still had the guts to touch him, right?

And here was this fella, with a good career, a good family… a good everything. He was perfect. He was happy, relatively rich, basically a virgin next to Tavin, too, and had the most adorable cat named Pumpkin. He wasn't even in Tavin's 'Worth' system. He was just… priceless. He was perfect. He deserved the absolute best. And that wasn't Tavin.

So why on earth did he insist on talking to him? Tavin couldn't understand why this man would even dare associate with some thing like him. It drove him up the wall that this guy seemed to care. He didn't know how to break it to him that he didn't deserve care. At first he was fine with their arrangement. Started as a hook up, which immediately told Tavin he was different because of how he acted.

None of his touches bruised, none of his words hurt, he left no marks on Tavin at all. And he had listened. Tavin had all but given up telling, begging, people to not touch these specific places. And they usually would because they didn't care. But this guy didn't do that. He listened. And he communicated, and the second he left Tavin's apartment, Tavin was on the floor bawling. Because he liked it. And that, of all things, made him sick to his stomach with guilt and shame. Because he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve it at all. And he felt like a pig for indulging in this affection that he felt he never should have been afforded.

And just as he was about to throw up from how disgusting he felt, he got a text. A text from that very guy that said he'd just love to meet up. In a normal context. A friendly setting. To talk and get to know each other with absolutely no sexual intentions.

A date..?

And against all his mind's screaming, he accepted. And he got to know this guy a little More.

His name was Alex, he used to be a psychologist but then he transitioned to neurology. He had two doctorates. He was fucking smart. His father was Irish, and Tavin could pick up on the Irish in his accent. It was mostly a basic jersey accent, though. He doesn't really particularly enjoy meeting new people in a romantic context. Tavin gathered he wasn't a big fan of hook ups, either. Said he'd had like, what, three max?

So why on earth did Tavin catch his eye?

Tavin eventually broke and asked him, and Alex looked at him with those damn puppy eyes, brimming with tears of concern. And he confused Tavin even further, saying he didn't see Tavin like that, that he didn't care what others thought. How could he? People must hold these opinions for a reason, right? If everyone looked down on him then there must be a reason, right?

[raceweek]

alex in bangkok ahead of the japanese grand prix via aa23

[ride-a-dromedary]

Thaniel was my friend also. I played with him, grew up while he stayed the same. He made me who I am today, and then he was ripped away from me, same as for you. But you need not be alone any longer. You need not invent friends. Thaniel is back. He is waiting for you.

[mikimeiko]

The Expanse | 3x09. Intransigence

[hornedavies]

OH MY GOD ALSO ALEX SAID AS TWO OF THE THINGS HE LOVED ABOUT GREG WAS THAT HE'S ""STRICT, BUT GENTLE""

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

in this house we stand for the national anthem (alex's stand tall solo) 🩷

luke | reggie | julie | the whole gang | stickers! | prints! | keychains!

[multistanasitsfinest]

OH NOT THIS.ANGLE.

[ryllen]

alex handling calf but looks like photo taken from photostock image

[vampyrsm]

im sick over the idea of sitting in kirishima's lap at an important fancy gathering, it's that part of the evening where it's just about drinking and mingling. so it's normal for you to sit in his lap after a long night, nursing your own flute of champagne.

kirishima is happily chatting to the people around the table, all smiles whilst his hand is beneath the table, between your thighs as he strokes the tips of his fingers up and down your clothed slit. it's so featherlight that it's torturous, almost ticklish with how gentle he's being.

it's so hard to keep still, your spine rigid against his chest and you think you're getting away with it. that no one is aware of what's happening beneath the table...

until you look up over the edge of your glass to meet bakugou glaring at you from across the table, adjusting himself in his seat in an attempt to calm the hard-on he's sporting in tight slacks

[expectiations]

SPACEWIVES

[mrslatifi]

With all the chatter about Logan, I haven't had a moment to talk about my experience meeting and talking to James Vowles!

It was such an honor to be able to remind James how caring he is, and how much we appreciate his hard work and dedication to our boys. He also gave me an amazing answer when I asked why he keeps pushing and how he stays humble despite the major ups and downs of the sport. I gained a lot of respect for him when he spoke about his way of dealing with the entire team, from the engineers and media all the way to the drivers. He explained it as he doesn't like to "boss" the team around, he instead likes to befriend them, and then work together with them. He gets on their level, then goes from there. He sees everyone as an equal, and truly appreciates their hard work and effort. In any aspect of life, but so much so in F1, this is important.

Not to mention, as a woman in the middle of this crowd, he spoke to me as an equal. And ladies, you know how we're often seen as fans of this sport. James kept eye contact with me the whole time and explained himself in the most eloquent, intelligent way, and not once did I feel like a “female fan," just simply a fan.

[I wasn’t able to upload the entire 2-minute clip to tumblr, so click here to watch it]

He is a stand-up dude, truly. He was so, so, so sweet. A man in his position could choose to be anything, and he chose to be kind. I'm already grown, but when I grow up, I wanna be like James Vowles 💙

P.S. idk if anyone has ever given James a friendship bracelet, but now he has one! I made one in blue that said "Boss Man" and I think he was shocked someone gave him a gift. He wore it all day, as I was the first one to meet him after his Q&A that morning, and said it was a "very lovely" gesture. Not to mention he kept repeating "you're so kind" because of my question. 🥹

We love you, JV! 💙

[redroyalblues]

⋆.˚⭒⋆.˚ “…and i break down,

then he’s pulling me in,—

in a world of boys,

he’s a gentleman…” ⋆.˚⭒⋆.

“slut!” by taylor swift. alex and henry

[xblackreader]

Alex Livinalli with tattoos | 😍😍😍

😭😭 I tried 🙊

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

absolute hits from the Circle's doctor:

telling a shell-shocked hysterical sailor "this is my operating room, if you're just going to scream, you need to go outside", but "outside" is either the deck of a ship in the middle of a hurricane or the irradiated, partially flooded hold of said ship

advising a woman who is actively on fire to sit down

trying to offer medical assistance to the woman he is stabbing and who is trying to strangle him

telling a man with a knife protruding from his chest to "chill"

[madcat-world]

SCP-093 - Alex Andreev

[noisyghost]

⭐ Happy holidays !! ⭐