#gets really scared Every Time they have to take a specific street to school bc One time there was a scary dog there

[brittlebutch]

actually is there a word for when you’re autistic and your brain like never lets you get over anything bad ever? think there should be

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[flvcr]

— ( harry styles, twenty-five, cismale, he/him ) did you see ETIENNE FLUOR walking down main street earlier? you know who i’m talking about, they’re a POTTER / HOCKEY PLAYER. everybody in town says that they’re IDEALISTIC & INTUITIVE, but have a tendency to be UNPREDICTABLE & DESTRUCTIVE too. ETIENNE has been in town for THREE years. c'mon, they’re always requesting RUNNIN’ WITH THE DEVIL BY VAN HALEN at karaoke nights. well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! @westmerestarters​

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is a LOT of info about my bb, etienne. ** insert clown emoji but make ‘em yee-haw ** if you’d like to plot you can reach me on here or at space cowboy#8536 on discord !! <33 v excited to interact with y’all and your bbs !!

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖘

name: etienne ‘ marcel ‘ fluor. 

nicknames: goes by marcel, only allowing very few people to call him etienne.

gender / pronouns : cismale / he, him.

age: twenty-five.

birthday: june 27th.

zodiac: cancer !!

orientation: pansexual / panromantic.

occupation: hockey player ( currently injured ) // potter ( for fun ) !!

languages spoken: french, english & italian.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

- PINTEREST - featuring his wardrobe, his home, his aesthetic, some character inspo and olive, his german shepard pup !!

- SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - what he is currently listening to !!

personality type: INFJ-T / THE ADVOCATE

moral alignment: chaotic good

style-wise: etienne is v stylish, but isn’t overly flashy by any means. he’s intuitive in the sense of what works and what doesn’t. willing to explore the latest wardrobe craze, but also just likes what he likes and likely won’t venture out unless pressed by another to do so. post coming soon for his wardrobe !!! they say that the cancer man’s clothing is selected to reflect “ sophistication over flash “ but kdgjn i’ll let ya’ll be the judge of that. he’s v much harry inspired clothing wardrobe, but also tones it down with some casual looks, especially when it comes to getting his hands dirty in creative aspects !! but can be a bit on the flashier side as well, especially w/ hockey press and what not !!

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

   etienne ‘ marcel ’ fluor was born in montpellier, france to two lovely parents, theodore and estelle fluor ( both born in england themselves ) . he is the youngest of his siblings, having one older brother and an older sister, all of them being roughly two years apart. at the age of eight, his family relocated to montreal, canada as a result of a promotion his mother received, which at such a young age, etienne had no qualms with, despite his siblings’ uneasiness.  upon moving to a new country at a young age, etienne truly found himself via escaping into various books and movies. often attempting to write his own and would force encourage his siblings to act his skits/plays out for his parents enjoyment. he continues to be very close with his parents and siblings - recently he taught his parents how to use facetime, so catch him face timing his family on sunday nights. 

   growing up, etienne also enjoyed playing all types of sports ( his parents signing him up hoping that he’d make friends as a result, which he did ). when it came down to it, athletic abilities-wise, there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t ‘ good ’ at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual / as well as a perfectionist. that competitive/perfectionist energy caused him to go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. overall, he’s very athletic, found alternating between various sports offered not only at school, but as well as through local clubs. ultimately, his love and appreciation for hockey swayed him and soon enough it became his sole focus. due to his perfectionist tendencies, etienne is very dedicated to his craft, he will spend hours practicing specific tricks and skills in order to be the best at what he does, which transcends past hockey and into, really, every aspect of his life. 

   throughout highschool ; etienne was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not, as well as take part in various clubs and sports ! just SOFT and sporty things. during this time, he joined the ontario hockey league and from there was eventually scouted out and recruited to the pittsburgh penguins as a defenseman at the age of eighteen - forgoing his parents desire for him to attend a university. although he enjoyed his time with pittsburgh, he was excited when the idea of being traded came up - eager to explore a new city and immerse himself in a new area. 

      trigger warning - injury, dislocation ( just in case !!!! ) however, he really didn’t enjoy new york ( hehe ), so he relocated to westmere soon after his initial arrival to nyc - finding a lot of comfort in living in a less populated area. he would commute during the hockey season to nyc, which to him wasn’t very far away, so this is where he’s been residing for the last three years !! however, in the last couple of weeks while training for the upcoming season my lil bb injured himself - not to get into tooooo much detail, i’ll just leave it at shoulder dislocation / joint separation due to a hard hit !! basically he’s out for this upcoming season, already having surgery completed, he’s currently healing for the next couple of months, allowing himself to fully experience that westmere fall !!!

   overall, etienne can come off as a bit reserved, and distant whether that be a result of his untrusting nature of others, or simply unfamiliarity. it takes a bit of time before he feels comfortable to share his true opinion / commentary / only doing so when he feels secure to do so. he’s not necessarily unfriendly, just a bit distant / lost in his thoughts. which varies, as with most ppl ofc, upon person to person and his level of comfortability among them. despite his often lack of conversation, he abhors an uncomfortable silence to settle and will fill it with nonsense to simply avoid the feeling altogether. so, if you ever want to catch him rambling, just making him uncomfortable dkjfngdf. he definitely approaches most things with a bit of ‘ tough love ‘ . he doesn’t mind getting into a quarrel or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. etienne will tell others when they are fucking up, and if they are throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it, which explains his bout of reckless antics. he can come off as a know it all, when it comes to advice giving, but more so because he thinks he’s really good at analyzing others and situations they are in, not necessarily because he’s lived through them himself, he’s just rather intuitive and able to empathize quite easily with others despite his verbal admittance of it. when it comes down to this binches reckless bits, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all ( especially bc he’s definitely not sharing those feelings with the people around him ), therefore he’s willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels overwhelmed by numbness. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ mind ya business. but he’ll likely try to drag somebody else into it, and make it seem like it was their idea. but if he is truly comfortable with somebody, he walks a fine line of won’t stop talking, especially if it’s an interest of his, and comfortable silence.

_________________________

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 & 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘

he is a CANCER, therefore in this essay i will..... kidding but here’s some fun cancer info i saw that applies to my bb !! at first he appears to be wistful, sarcastic ( maybe a lil crabby ) , shy, distant and mysterious. this personality remains if he isn’t completely comfortable around somebody. but overall, that’s just his facade, his ‘smokescreen’ of sorts to scare off the world from his outwards persona. underneath that layer ( makes me think of shrek metaphor with onions // don’t mind me ), BUT he’s gentle, kind and affectionate ( if you manage to make it to that level * bell dings * ) !!! overall, etienne is a sensitive soul, a bit emotional although he’d rather d*e than show that to others. likely will internalize anything that can hurt his feelings / a low blow and will do something chaotic as a result later on bc of it. very polite, and a little worldly, he is truly the epitome of old-school gentlemanly manners. chivalry coming as a second nature to him !!

that was getting ramble-y, so continuing HERE. but when it comes to romance, as per the cancer man, the concept of love is a mystery, one that etienne is trying to attain. however, his shyness and innate distrust of others make it difficult for him to allow himself to fall in love. his guard is always up when it comes to his emotions, and it’ll take a bit of prodding before he’s willing to speak up on what’s desired from him. he’s v picky when it comes to finding the “ partner of his dreams “ - but he’s def willing to throw himself into the romance of the situation, i.e. buying flowers, riding white horses, and slaying metaphorical dragons. the traditional side means that he will shower his partner with thoughtful gifts, wine and dine them in the best restaurants, and try to grant their every wish. he will take the garbage out, fix that wobbly shelf, navigate on road trips, and kill more so trap and release bugs for his partner, and most important of all he will do it all without being asked. his loyalty and keen attention to the needs and wants of his potential partner. so basically, more so willing to showcase through actions than speak on it. it’s the little things, right ??!?!?! he def cherishes not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

prides himself on being able to make a mean cup of coffee, likely the worst person to watch a movie with bc he knows exactly how it’s going to end after only watching five minutes of it, he has a godawful sense of direction, will walk in circles for fifteen minutes before even raising a question about it/noticing ( but he refuses to acknowledge it. )

his house, car, workspace, junk drawer, closet….you name it - it’s organized, practically sparkling. often times arranged by color, and / or style. nothing is ever out of place, and if it is - there’s trouble brewing. but, more than anything, if he’s visiting somebody’s place and it’s messy, he will spend a solid thirty minutes picking everything up before doing whatever it is that was intended.

likes : reading, flowers, handwritten notes/letters, deep cleaning, baking, working on his pottery, watching the history channel and true crime docs and playing / watching hockey !!

dislikes : artichoke, clutter, sandals ( fkjgh ), unrealistic plotlines in movies &+ burnt coffee.

habits :  likely has a severe caffeine addiction, although he’s now normalized having six cups of coffee throughout his day. he’s an early riser, no matter how little the amount of sleep he’s received, he’s always the first to rise - for his early morning runs !!

strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring, convincing, determined and passionate, decisive, altruistic, intuitive !!

weaknesses: sensitive, extremely private, perfectionist, low-key always needs to have a cause / purpose, can burn out easily !!

overall : etienne truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his bit of chaotic energy / as well as his often points of getting lost in his thoughts. he won’t realize he’s been quiet for the last three hours unless it’s mentioned to him. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day. wahoo! his more reckless antics increase when he’s feeling a bit emotional !! but he’ll likely try and convince somebody to propose the idea so it’s not on him.

𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

he lives with sebastian !! with his commuting to nyc for the hockey season, he wanted somebody to be able to take care of his house / garden and what not, and thus, seb arrived.

he’s v into making ceramics, cups / bowls / vases / etc !! what began as a fun hobby to distract himself in the offseason became something that he truly enjoys. ( laughing about that scene in ghost BUT DKJFNG OKAY ) although he’s pretty low-key about it, you can catch him at the farmers market selling his creations !! some pictures of his work can be found on his pinterest board !!

he is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school and has no plans on eating seafood/meat ever again.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured. 

he can play the drums !!

he collects vintage matchbooks and the stickers off of various fruits ( he puts them in a little notebook - can be found on his bookshelf ).

saves handwritten notes and letters from pals.

he loves to garden !!!! he has a specified rose shearing hat.

HE WANTS TO JOIN A BOOKCLUB PLEASE !!!!!!!! or at least have some casual moments of silence with another reading. plz and tysm.

to make things a bit simple, he has all of harry’s tattoos !!  might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘

i am so up for anything!! please accept this ramble of ideas thrown below.  if you have any other ideas, lmk !!!! <3333 :’-) down to start from scratch and PLOT PLOT PLOT !

( 2 / 2 ) - BFFZ : the z for an added emphasis dkfjgnd. somebody who likely has a key to etienne’s house, they can enjoy one anothers company as well as the bouts of comfortable silence. you know how best friends are but kdjfngd still !! whether they are likeminded or polar opposites that just flow ~~ down for anything !! even a trio of sorts ?!

( 1 / 1 ) - RIDE OR DIE / CHAOTIC COMPANION : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although etienne may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around.

( 1 / 1 ) - GUARDIAN ANGEL / GOOD INFLUENCE : with etienne being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may be worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

( 1 / 1 ) - PARTY FRIEND : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embarrassing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details. likely the only person etienne confides in, simply bc he’s completely plastered.

( 1 / 1 ) - SIBLING-LIKE RELATIONSHIP : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. truly a pure content filled relationship.

okay quick mention, ENEMY PLOTS ?!?!?!?!?!? i would live for one. i can’t imagine etienne being hardcore nasty, but i’d like to see whatever version comes out for this. so let’s get it djfngjakdfg maybe they just hold different viewpoints on the world and what not and clash, anything really !!! v open !!

( 1 / 1 ) - MENTOR - etienne needs a bit of structured or unstructured guidance, all depending on what their deemed mentor is wanting to impart on him, a bit of wisdom or slight chaos. kdjfgn he’ll take anything !! 

RANDOM LITTLE IDEAS : maybe they’ve heard of one another in town, but haven’t quite met yet! or maybe they see each other around all the time, but have yet to introduce themselves to one another but low-key maybe in some online forum for the town together ?! who knows some fun things kdjnfg i AM OPEN !

ooh maybe a slowburn of sorts ?! something spicy to wreck HIS and my life with.  dkfjgn we can base this off of chemistry !!! :’-)

[thechroniclesofwriting]

TW: racism, bullying, brief mention of my own ED.

A couple of days ago, I was thinking how I originally got involved in the BLM movement. I remembered this story, which was my turning point, and I wanted to share. I want to say that this is not me tooting my own horn or saying I did a great thing. I did a decent thing for family. More than anything else, this is about my insurmountable white ignorance before this happened to me.

tl;dr: Had an insight into the bias of the world that POC live in. It made me a better person. So POC, I am asking you to call me out. I’m going to work really hard on making myself better, and the burden of that is on me. But if you’ve got something to say to me, say it. You’re helping me evolve, you’re helping me to better support you. I want to be the best ally I can possibly be. It will not be taken with offence, it will be taken with thanks.

For context, I am the oldest child of all my cousins (there are eight of us), by about 6 years. One Christmas, I told one of my cousins, a girl (exactly) a decade younger than me, that I would be there for her, no matter what. I mean, they all knew that, but I really wanted to reiterate it to her. I think that every older cousin has one younger one that to them, that is their absolute baby. P was that for me. Sure, I love and adore and would happily care for (for free) all of my cousins (even the 5 y-o), but despite the age gap, we just...clicked. I knew P was having a hard time at school, and I shared my own stories of bullying and eating disorders and all sorts of other awful things. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. I never really expected her to take me up on it - she was beautiful (like, crazy stunning), sociable and clever. At that age, I was short and busty, had cystic acne, greasy hair, untreated endometriosis, glasses, braces, my hobby was reading and I was quick to react when provoked. Put simply, I was an unattractive nerd. But she was tall and lithe, clever and calm, blessed with perfect skin, teeth and eyesight (drat her). In my ignorance, I assumed that she’d be one of the pretty girls that succeeded in sociability, *as well as* academics. And oh fucking boy I was wrong.

P rang me about two months later from her mum’s phone. She‘d stolen it, and was hiding under the bed, in her bedroom. We chatted for a bit, and then, after a moments silence, she whispered down the phone that she was being bullied. Her voice was so scared, it was awful to even listen to. As I gently asked her to talk about it, I realised why she was scared. She wasn’t being bullied like I was (I was a nerd, and I went through puberty before all my friends - meaning boobs and extra weight). Her type of bullying was so, so much worse. Her bullies were picking on her smarts, sure, but their main target was her skin.

Her mother, my Dad’s sister, is a specific type of Irish white - we burn when we think about the sun.

But her dad is Indian. He’s one of the most generous, kind, and intelligent people I have ever met. But these kids had packages that down into one thing...his brown skin.

She was 8 years old.

The girls from her school were telling her to ‘go back to the streets where she belonged’. They were following her on her walk home after school, because they ‘couldn’t believe that she lived in a house’. They told her she was ugly and dirty because she was brown. But the worst part, was that she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was *ashamed* of her own damn skin and her own damn heritage. I was utterly heartbroken for her. I wanted to drive the 3 hours to her home just to hug her. I also wanted throw those tiny bitches out a window. I couldn’t, as I was pretty ill myself, but let me tell you, rage is a good motivator to get well. Incredibly, I was okay enough to drive to see her two weeks later.

When I eventually got there, I had a secondary quiet chat with her mum (I had called her after I had hung up with P, to give her a heads up). She had dealt with the whole situation. Personally I think she was much calmer than I ever could have been - I was seeing red. I think that she too was furious, but she’s always been good at keeping her emotions in check. The situation had been resolved with the school, and the girls were seriously reprimanded and given a weeks worth of curriculum on racism. But the whole thing stuck with me. I think it was because though we are so similar (she’s also a sarcastic asshole) my bullies had never said anything like this. No one had ever picked on my *colour* (lest I was sunburned). I realised that if I was a POC, my torment could’ve been so much worse, and that’s what my baby had to endure.

That was my wake up call. That was the day the concept of privilege hit me square in the face. The irony of the situation was, her parents are incredibly well off. More so than my own. Her dad is thrice a doctor (he graduated in India, had to retake his exams in both England, where he met my aunt, and again in Australia, where they live now) and is a highly sought after radiologist. But even that that still didn’t protect her. The day I heard her little voice break down the phone line, is the day I realised no POC was safe until we had systemic change.

Next year, they’re moving from their town, which is three hours away, to the town my family and I live in. I’m really excited. It’ll be nice to pick the girls up from school, to treat them to McDonalds on the way home, and to look after them when their parents are away. I’ve got a little fold out bed in my tiny apartment for one of them, and the other can sleep on the sofa bed. I’ll get to shower then with love because I’ll be *present*. But mostly I’m excited because, for the first time ever, our weekly check-in chats will be face to face. I’ll be able to hug her on the spot. I’ll be able to hold her if she cries. I’ll be able to congratulate her on her achievements, rather than woo-ing down the phone line. And yeah, I’ll also be close enough to throw any prospective little turds out the schools cloisters windows.

Actively wanting to learn about racial injustice, changed my life. I can’t imagine feeling like my skin colour was a target of hatred, even in Australia. It terrifies me that one day, my babies might go to America, but I know I can’t wrap them in bubble wrap.

So here’s my pledge. I know I don’t know your pain. I certainly don’t feel your pain. I am still an outsider looking in, and I always will be. But I want to help. I want to learn. Please push me, please correct me, please call me out. I think that I am very lucky in that this is personal for me but I am so very privileged that this comes without danger to my own being.

Today, P is 14, her sister is 11, and they’re both strong and clever and beautiful and wicked funny. They’re just at that age where I’m old and uncool, but that’s okay. I like being embarrassing. Even if they don’t know it, they’ve given me a gift. I’ve been given a tiny, horrible, painful insight into *every* mother and father and sister and brother and cousin and grandparent and spouse and friend and colleague who is scared for someone else in the US (and beyond) right now.

I want to be better. Help me be better. I don’t think that if I follow the usual politically correct limitations, I’m fine. I want to be more than fine. I want to be voting for women of colour and marching with the movement. I want to be more that a black tile on an Instagram page. I desperately don’t want to be the girl who assumes that bc my best friend, and cousins, are POC, I’m immune. I’m not. I want to be an ally, one who passes the mic, who steps aside, who says that ‘it’s not about me’.

So this is my rant and this is my promise. I promise I will learn. I promise I will take criticism. I promise that I will choose from POC businesses over cheaper options. I promise that next (Australian) election, I will vote for a person of colour. I promise I will protest and make signs and send politicians letters and sign petitions. I promise will actively search out new information to educate myself with. I promise I will fight past this trend, past a black tile on social media. I promise I will not walk away. Followers, please hold me accountable, always.

Having said all of this. I truly believe in voting with your wallet. So, if anyone knows any POC run organisations, businesses, stores, political movements, protests, artists, designers or anything else, I would be forever grateful if you could link me to them. I’m a weirdly organised person, and I’ve started Christmas shopping. This year my family is only doing Christmas presents that are made/created/run by POC. I know there’s a chance that we’ll all find one website and ordering from there, which is great, but I want to broaden my gift-giving horizons. If you’re a creator, I really really want to see your work. Thus far, I have one painting, by an indigenous Australian artist, for my mum.

[icharchivist]

The organization around this quarantine thing is such a disaster tbh. 

About two weeks ago, two of our teachers were the ones who were especially worried. 

There was the first case of covid19 in the nearby high school, and our uni, being a linguistic one in a region nearby the Italian border, has a lot of connection with centric pandemic regions in Italy, before they even shut down themselves.

Two of our teachers were concerned bc, as we just came home from holidays, a lot of people connected to the Italian branch came back to the uni as well, and nothing was really done about it. 

One of my teacher was especially mad bc there was no soap in the bathrooms of the uni for a week at that time. She told us then that she will no longer note our presences for classes (mandatory esp for those with scholarships), and encouraged us if we were scared, knew we would be weak to the virus (asthma and such), or if we knew people who were, to not go to school anymore. Told us specifically to take pictures of the soapless bathroom so if the administration bothered us, we’d send them picture going “you’re endangering us”

I’m asthmatic. I have a lot of breathing problems in general, due to a nose malformation that makes it hard to breath and flow normally. and i have allergies. Hell my seasonal illness involves coughing, headaches, nothing flowing from the nose, and lung pains, feeling tired, all those stuff. I can’t even bring up how paranoid i am. Latest cycle of said sickness kicked in with a fever which worried my mom and I had to go see a doctor in urgence a couple of days ago. I’m fine. But i feel extremely paranoid. (and it’s not like France is getting us tested wth bloodtest or something - hospitals are overbooked with the pandemy so they only take in people with very urgent symptoms. Even if you get the virus unless you’re going very bad you’re encouraged to stay at home. There’s probably a lot of cases that we don’t know of because of that.)

But anyway school still didn’t stop back then, two weeks ago. We had two teachers who took the time to sit us down and discuss it with us. How the uni was not prepared to handle it. How they both thought the uni should have closed by now, that they’re discussing it, but they don’t want to yet. 

For two weeks all we got as info was that everything was fine. Only need to clean your hands and cough in your arms. But we also had massive announcement just 5 days ago about how it was not even thought of to close schools. To close places with high work going. That we can’t let it stop us and all.

Last Wednesday, there were still clear announcement that there will be no stopping schools or work or anything. Last Friday, we were issued with a message announcing the massive closing of every schools and we were encouraged to stay at home.

Our uni, is, of course, not prepared for it. We got a few homeworks or class by mails with clear messages from our teachers telling us they’re not prepared and we will need to improvise - us students involved. Our exams, that were to happen in April, will be pushed back to May or June. For now.

On Saturday, they encouraged us to still go vote for the Mayor Elections on Sunday. Obviously, more than half of the population didn’t show up. But we were encouraged to do it still.

On Saturday, we were told to no longer go in groups in places. Something that is obvious of course, but a couple of days ago was not even issued. People stayed up late, disregarded the announcement. In the same breath we were told to not go out anywhere with many people, but to go out to do the election on Sunday still.

Mid Sunday, i get a mail from my uni residence saying that people living in those are encouraged to leave their room, whenever definitly or temporary to return to their family during the shut down of the schools.

I didn’t want to, considering my relationships with my family, but this was getting scary. We were still /encouraged/ but not obligated yet. 

I had seen my mom on the Saturday for the doctor so we discussed the possibility, and while not obligated yet, i was a bit scared. I ended up askign my mom to come pick me up. I couldn’t move out *everything* obviously, but i took already 7 bags with me. My mom originally wanted to help me move out on Monday, but the announce scared me enough i wanted to get it done then immediatly.

Sunday evening, they announce they’re going to restrict moving around. Every shops would close. My mom works in administration soe she had to go work monday still. 

Monday my mom’s employer basically tells her to take “holidays” so she doesn’t have to pay her, all while planning to pass all the mails and phonecalls to the agency to my mom’s phone. She’s sent home on Monday.

Monday evening we got the announcement from the gov that we were in complete lockdown. No longer allowed out without a permit. Only allowed to be out for reasons like grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy or doctor, or if you have jobs that are obligated for the good functionment of the country and crisis. (although they did issue you’re allowed to take your dog out but not for long)

We have to go on the gov’s website to ask for a permit. Like Italy i’ve heard. 

We also have a curfew, no longer allowed out until a certain hour.

So now, today, Tuesday, the whole thing is in place. I’ve heard policemen in my street earlier today ask for people’s permit for being out. 

And my uni residence just sent us a mail saying they no longer even tolerate people being inside the residence for the quarantine. We are obligated to move out ASAP, to a family member or such, or leave definitly.  Today, while the gov has issued you can no longer be out without a permit you printed - while, also, we don’t have printers in our residences. 

I feel glad i followed my gut feeling on Sunday to move out bc i have no idea how i could have asked help to move out today with those measures in place.

What i’m trying to get accross is how quickly those measures were taken in the past few days while it’s been a few weeks we’ve been many to worry enough to think dispositions should have been taken earlier. We’ve been thinking about it for weeks at the uni, but suddenly in less than 5 days we went from “we’re not changing a thing” to “quarantine yourself at your parents’s”.

Not to mention our President doing lots of lectures about how we’re At War, A Health War Sure, But At War And We Have To Consider It As Such. Obviously extremely reassuring to hear while you hear about the amount of death and sickness on TV.

Not like the sickness is any better either. I have a friend who’s a nurse in a part of France that is badly affected. Cases with young people starts to degenerate very quickly, even if they had no prior reasons for it to happen. 

We discovered ibuprophen worsen the virus and it brought people who would have no prior situation into critical states to be taken care of.

/young people with no prior situations/, which i think is important to mention since so many people are brushing off the virus in a “it only affect the elderly or people with weak immune system”, as if this wasn’t reason enough to worry, as if we don’t all know multiple people like that around us, as if the 14days incubation period wasn’t terrifying, as if even if we get minor symptoms we don’t get to spread around a sickness that can be deadly for people with a weaker immune system. Well, if it’s so bad to understand the issue yet, i guess thus “young people with no prior situation get into critical situation” should be a wake up call. We don’t know that virus. It’s frightening. 

People get recontaminated too. Which means we don’t get an immunity from healing. We can catch it again. Who knows how that may even go.

My friend, the nurse, says people keep stealing their equipment. They’re shortstaffed, short in materials, they can barely handle the crisis, not helped by the fact it’s been years that the gov keeps cutting health center’s ressources down. We’re not prepared for  a pandemic that way.

Like... I read everyone talk about the panic buyer making it much more of a problem than it is. And while it’s true, it’s overshadowing that this is a Bad Situation, that we know nothing of that virus and it’s scary, and that the gov’s quarantine had been rushed into so much no one knows how to organize themselves around it. 

For now it’s planned for 15 days. god knows how long it will take.

I, asthmatic currently sick with issues breathing, am stuck back with my mom who smokes all the time at home. Both quarantined. I feel lowkey cursed tbh. For years i tried to escape my family, dealing with all the issues that goes with it, and when i finally manage to do so, i get two lawsuits up my ass bc my dad is a douche and then my residence closes up bc of a massive sickness forcing me to go back to my mom’s. 

I don’t know how to focus on my classes bc the organization is chaotic. I’m scared hearing the news. I have trouble breathing all day and while i know it’s nothing, i remain anxious. I don’t know how long i’m gonna stand my mom. Internet gets slower bc of the influx of people locked home to work. 

i don’t care much for being quarantined itself, i can spend days in my home without problems. I don’t like being stuck with my mom and i just don’t like how we’ve been pushed into it in a complete lack of preparation for it. 

I miss my home. 

And it’s just France. Italy and Spain have been in those situations for a while too. 

In a way that makes me even more angry that they didn’t take precaution before while the Italian gov had been warning us for weeks to be careful and take stuff into account before it’s too late. And we still waited, and we still rushed, and now we will blame everyone who is not understanding how thhe gov went from “it’s only a little flu don’t worry, keep going with your life just wash your hands” to “how irresponsable are you not to be in quarantine” in two days. You wonder then why people are panic buying, it’s not like the gov did any work to be crystal clear about the situation. You wonder people are being careless, a couple of days ago they were still told they had no reason to worry and to look down on those who panics.

EDIT: and lmao, i have been saying those stuff for weeks, for about two weeks i say it should have been taken into account, and my mom was pro-keeping-the-mayor-election-going (bc she wuld perhaps get a job out of it) and i told her then i thought it was a very bad idea to keep them going. My mom tried to convince me about how noooo, it was fiiine, we had to have those municipals anyway, “if people can go grocery shopping they can go vote” as our prime minister said, which i found horrifying (buying good is vital, electing a mayor can wait). And my mom kept insisting that it was important. And now, everyone says it was a bad idea to carry them on. Our own election house didn’t take any health precaution. Even my mom is saying “it was a bad idea.” Call me Cassandra bc i Keep Telling Them This Is Gonna Happen and no one ever listen to me and Too Bad. Ffs.

This is a mess of a situation. It’s making me extra anxious. 

But well that’s how it is now I guess. Sighs.

[trueslove]

✧･ﾟ: * (  park jiwon  ,  cis  female ,  she / her  )  have  you  seen  violet  hwang  around  ?   i  hear  the  twenty-one  year  old  is  working  as  an  art  director  .  did  you  know  they  have  97  love  alarm  points  ?  if  they  ever  want  to  be  truly  loved  someday  they  should  ease  up  on  being  temperamental  &  enigmatic  .  at  least  you  can  say  they’re  disarming  &  convivial,  too.  /  love alarm blocked

                     hello  !  im  xan  and  ur  watching  d*sney  channel ...  just  kidding  we  do  NOT  support  big  corporations  who  just  wanna  take  ur  money  😔  im  22  ,  from  the  est  timezone  (  even  though  my  sleeping  schedule  ...  does  not  reflect  that  sjbdwjkbdjdw  )  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  im  gonna  be  honest  this  intro  is  gonna  be  completely  winged  so  buckle  up  ....  and  meet  violet  😋 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     quick stats + aesthetics  !

full name: violet hwang. 

nickname(s): vee, vivi.

zodiac: tba....

sexuality: bisexual.

birthplace: manhattan, new york.

current residence: toronto, canada.

aesthetics: maraschino cherries at the bottom of a glass, driving with the windows down at night, unanswered text messages, black nail polish, the sound of rain hitting the windowpane, kissing and not telling, smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     backstory ! 

was born and raised in nyc baby ! she’s a true city girl, grew up in lower manhattan ( the financial district if u wanna get specific ) to a family with lots of $$$$ thanks to her father’s position as a ceo of an investment bank located on wall street 

life was pretty smooth until she was 17 and her father got arrested for embezzlement and fraud </3 it was actually a huge scandal for the investment bank he worked for because it was a whole group of higher ups who had been in on these crimes. basically a bunch of already rich men trying to get richer ... disgusting ik /: 

her life changed pretty drastically after that ! the hwang name was all over the news, their family was pretty much disgraced by high society in nyc, not a very fun time for anyone but especially not for violet’s mom 

after her dad got arrested violet was uhh high key furious with him for ruining their lives with his greed and she wanted nothing to do with him, but her mom couldnt let go. she was still defending him, spending the money they had left on lawyers which included the money the family had set aside for violet’s trust fund that she would have had access to once she was 18 </3

 so her plans for college changed pretty drastically JSDBJWBDJW ( goodbye ivy league education ) she actually ended up getting into the university of toronto for visual studies on an academic scholarship 

so she made the big move all on her own....moved into a tiny dorm...and vowed to reinvent herself. she didnt wanna be labeled as the daughter of a white collar criminal anymore so she just made it a point not to talk to much abt her past to anyone 

her struggles as someone who grew up with $$$$ turning into a broke college student made for some embarrassing but funny moments <3 luckily though everyone else had their own struggles so no one found it suspicious JSBDJWBDJ

when love alarm launched three years ago, violet had just started college so it was really the Big thing anyone and everyone was talking about. since she’d never been a fan of other dating apps, she wasn’t gonna download it but her roommate at the time convinced her ! at first it was fun, just something she didnt take too seriously 

fast forward to graduation and she’s snagged a job as an art director for a little local museum, doing freelance art directing on the side to help pay the bills. low and behold one day a photographer hires her to be the art director to a shoot they’re doing for a badge club member who was in a very high profile and public relationship at the time

violet ended up working with that photographer and badge club member a handful of times, enough for her to catch fee-🤢 catch feelin-🤢 i cant even say it .. she’d never rung anyone’s love alarm before, so of course her first time had to be with someone who was already taken </3 safe to say she ... freaked out 

she was embarrassed above all else, but also heartbroken bc in her head like ... why would someone who literally is part of an exclusive club based on ppl ringing their love alarm care that she rung theirs ? she didnt think it’d be a big deal to them the way it was to her ( but also didn’t stick around long enough to find out jsxbsjbdjw ) 

when she was offered the block she didn’t hesitate to use it figuring it’s better if no one knows her romantic feelings ever again like that /: she’d delete the app but a part of her still likes knowing there are ppl out there who DO like her like that so ... Rip truly 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     personality + tidbits !

she comes across as ... kind of a bitch SDJBJWBJWBDW it’s truly not on purpose she just has a pretty serious resting expression most of the time ( so she looks mad or annoyed even when she isn’t ) and she’s pretty difficult to get to know ? not to mention the fact that no one has ever witnessed her ring someone’s love alarm .. so all that combined just makes it easy to assume she’s some sort of ice queen when that’s far from the truth /: 

violet really isn’t one to open up too deep to people, but that’s got a lot to do with the past she’s kind of running away from ! so if you’re her friend most of the stuff you know about her is probably surface stuff, but when she’s close to someone she can make that fact hard to realize ? she just has a way with making the people in her life feel important so it’s easy not to be focused on how much you know about her 

never bothers to correct the people that misjudge her. if you don’t like her, if you want to make up assumptions and rumors about her, go ahead like violet really won’t stop you which can sometimes make meeting new people difficult </3 if you’ve seen the dating class webdrama chuu was in she’s kinda like oh seyoung’s chara joowon 🤧

if she wants to, though, she’s pretty good at getting people to like her / trust her ! she does this a lot in professional situations, which is why she’s been doing so well as an art director so far despite being so young 

she’s also very loyal to her friends ! if you can’t ask for extra sauces at mcdonald’s....if you can’t make a phone call to your credit card company explaining that a $3,000 charge to starbucks wasn’t you.....she’s your girl <3 since she’s relatively not bothered by the way people see her ( unless it has to do with her past ) she’s usually the one speaking up if someone she cares about can’t 

after the ... incident ... JSDBWJDBWJ she’s really not a fan of the badge club and everything it stands for ): BUT she continues to do art directing work for a lot of the members when they do photoshoots, or instagram campaigns, or if they have a pop up shop, etc. it’s good money and she needs every penny considering she’s living without support from her family 

cannot cook to save her life so she’s always eating out .. this really is why she’s taking those more high profile jobs she can’t budget .. but it’s better, safety wise at least, that she continues wasting her money on takeout aha <3 

pretends she’s not a romantic and is all about the ~casual flings~ but really she’s just afraid of serious feelings and the idea of a serious relationship ... it’s the trauma 😔 constantly jokes shes gonna bring the tinder whore era back JWDBWJBDJW she is sick of this true love nonsense ! ( the irony of this url ahaha... ) 

she’s the most social after a few drinks, since drunk her isn’t burdened by a mind that overthinks literally everything the way she is sober. if you don’t supervise her though she can get pretty carried away and probably get into some kind of trouble so she’s definitely not the person you want to be in charge on a night out !

really wants a dog but doesn’t think she’s cut out to be a pet parent it feels just as scary as the idea of having an actual kid so ... BDWBDJW if you have a pet ? she’s gonna be living vicariously through you <3 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     wanted connections !

the photographer that hired her / introduced her to the badge club member she ended up having feelings for 

the badge club remember she had / has feelings for because we love suffering 😈

old roommates from college !! maybe even the one that got her to download love alarm in the first place hehehe

also a current roommate / roommates because your girl can’t afford to live on her own <3

someone she’s confided in about her past ( maybe they judged her for it and had a falling out, or maybe they remain confidants ) 

an ex bf or gf she dated while she was in school ! she never rang their love alarm ( even though this was pre block ) so maybe that’s why things ended between them. or maybe they never rang each others and it was just a mutual thing where they both didn’t really have feelings for each other and tried to date anyway and it didn’t work. or perhaps they dated and when violet realized she was starting to have those feelings she dipped before she ever got a chance to ring their love alarm bc she didn’t want to be exposed like that and commitment is scary ): 

spare best friend ? i’d use a knife emoji to show you how serious i am but i dont wanna scare anyone away aha .. i would just love a best friend plot 🥺

current flings / hookups or past flings / hookups ! i imagine most of them to not be serious but it would be kinda cool if there was someone she’s seeing now that she’s got the love alarm block that she’s actually falling for considering she’s never gonna be able to ring their love alarm hehehehe

people she art directs for !! i imagine she’s got a pretty long list of employers ( from badge club members to regular folk  🤧 ) so it would be cool to have people who hire her for stuff, or who collaborate with her for artistic endeavors since i’ve noticed we have a lot of artsy muses <3 

ummm maybe an enemy. but where it’s like .. the hate isn’t even that deep it’s just like oh you dislike me ? well i dislike you FIRST 😠 and they insult each other and try and sabotage each other like five year olds fighting on the playground like it seems super serious to them but to everyone watching it’s like ... can you guys just get over it you dumb babies KSDBSDBWD like they could probably be good friends if they just .. stopped 

and you’ve reached the end of this NOVEL of an intro post JDBJWBDJWBDW im literally so sorry i tried not to ramble but ..... its just who i am </3 please come shoot me a message to plot !!! you can use tumblr ims but im way more available / quicker to respond on discord so if u wanna add me there and plot u can find me at junhee mr. soft hands ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172  i also did not check this post for typos so if u find one ... mind ur business 😭😭😭 

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[royalprinceroman]

Life Gets Sweeter: Meeting

Hello everyone! Welcome to the first written installment of the Sanders Sides bakery AU!!! Hope you all enjoy! Please be sure to read the warnings/triggers and protect yourself. Hope you all enjoy! Please also check out the character designs on my cocreator's @availe blog!! They're beautiful designs!!! NOTE: This series is not told in any specific order. Consider this just a random entry! <3

Pairings: Eventual romantic Moxiety/Logince, platonic Royality/Analogical/Logicality/Prinxiety

Warnings: (This is for the series as a whole, not just this entry) suicidal thoughts/actions, depression, anxiety, blood, Deceit mention/sympathetic Deceit, homophobia/transphobia, weapons, nightmares, burning, cursing (to be added onto possibly)

People who might be interested: @mirror2thespirit, @andy-the-anon, @shadowjag, @randomslasher (bc moxiety), @justanotherpurplebutterfly, @sanders-trash-4ever

It was a dark, gloomy, and otherwise sad day.

Virgil Sanders laid on his mattress, covered with a rather thin blanket. The pillow under his head may as well be nonexistent as most of the stuffing had fallen out. Dark purple curtains hid the early evening sunset from the room. The clouds had parted later during that afternoon, letting some sun peek through, but Virgil had closed the curtains.

With little effort, Virgil sat up and let the blanket fall to the floor. His mattress was thin and without a bed frame, it was rather uncomfortable. The thin man stood and pulled on his jean & purple hoodie, covering his head with the hood. He stared at the next to empty kitchen across from him, discarded books, paper, pens and such laying all over the nearby dining room table.

His stomach grumbled as his gaze passed over the fridge. How long had it been since he ate? Virgil couldn't honestly remember. He had no money. What little he had usually went to his rent. It wasn't as if he felt like eating anyway.

Virgil ran his right hand through his hair, ignoring his burning skin under his bandages. He pulled his sleeve down tight to hide them. Was he ashamed of the bandages or the fact he had failed? Virgil shrugged to himself before grabbing his keys and his cell phone, leaving his apartment.

Leftover snow blanketed the neighborhood and all was silent. Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets and walked. There was no specific destination until he spotted the bridge to his right which was the bridge that led back into town. Virgil sighed, turning on his heel and headed towards it.

As he waited at a crossroads and cars passed in front of him, he contemplated just walking in front of one of them. But then again, Virgil didn't want someone else to bear his burden. After the traffic had passed, Virgil crossed and stepped up the slope to the bridge. With every step, the air became colder. Virgil began to be able to hear the water below sloshing and lapping in the wind. Once he reached the middle of the bridge he sat down, dangling his legs over the edge.

How many times had he come here? Virgil had lost count. But there was one thing he knew. This was the last time.

College, work, family, life... it had all became just too much. Not that anyone would miss him if he was gone. His parents and brother had stopped trying to call since Virgil never answered. His boss at work was just an asshole. Who gave a fuck about him anyways? Same with his teachers in college. Their interpretations of works was wrong and fuck them too.

Virgil grabbed onto the metal frame just above his head and squeezed tightly.

Is it cold? Of course it is you idiot.

Will it hurt? Of course it will you idiot.

But it'll end. Everything would. And that was the whole point of it all.

Virgil took in a breath through his nose and out his mouth. Why the absolute fuck was he scared?

Just do it you goddamn coward. Just do it. Doitdoitdoitdoit-

"Hey, you okay?"

The voice startled Virgil so much he slammed the top of his head onto the beam. "Motherfuc-" he covered the pain with his hands, biting his lip.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" The voice spoke again. Within a second, a person was leaning down next to Virgil. "I didn't mean to startle you!"

Virgil turned to see a man sitting down next to him. He had a rather thin frame but a bit of a tummy. Black thin rimmed glasses covered his bright blue eyes. In his hands was a bright pink box with a decorative label that read 'Patton's Pastries & Sweets'. The man dangled his own legs over the side and proceeded to try and open the box in his hands. It revealed 6 donuts inside: chocolate, powdered, and one that was pink- strawberry? Virgil tried his best to ignore the rumbled his stomach made. He had never smelled such delicious donuts in his life.

"Would you like one?" The man asked, holding the box out. "Feel free! I give them away to everyone in town." He held the box out towards Virgil but Virgil pushed it back towards him.

"No, I'm fine." Virgil said firmly with a bit more anger than he intended.

"Are you sure? They're really delicious, if I do say so myself!" The man said cheerfully. He didn't seem bothered by Virgil's retort. "I say that because I made them!" He flipped over the lid, pointing at the name. "That's me! I'm Patton. You are?"

Virgil scratched the back of his neck, turning his gaze from Patton away and back to the flowing river under them. "I'm... I'm Virgil." Virgil finally mumbled, biting his lip.

"Virgil?" Patton repeated. A smile reaching from ear to ear formed on his face. "Wow that's such a cool name! Wish I had thought of that." Virgil raised an eyebrow as he turned back to Patton. "Anyway! Let's go! It's really cold out here." Patton sat the donuts down on the bridge and pulled himself up. He then offered his hand to Virgil. "Come on?"

Virgil looked from Patton's hand and then to the water and back up into Patton's deep blue eyes. They looked just like the water below. But instead of cold, they somehow looked like a nice warm bath rather than a cold dark death below the bridge. Virgil released a deep sigh and took Patton's hand, standing up. He could always come back to the bridge tomorrow.

"Also, Virgil, I must insist!" Patton leaned over and picked up the donuts. "I rather not eat all of these by myself."

Patton smiled brightly and Virgil honestly began to wonder how Patton stayed so happy. But Virgil knew he rather not be the one to cause Patton's smile to disappear. So he reached and took one of the chocolate ones, taking a small bite out of the side. For just a brief moment, Virgil felt a very happy sensation as the chocolate and sugar danced in his mouth. This was easily the best donut he had ever tasted.

"You like it?!" Patton asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses. Virgil simply nodded and took another bite to prove it. Patton squealed happily.

The two of them walked down the bridge and back into the suburb area. Without realizing, Virgil subconsciously walked back towards his apartment while talking with Patton. To be fair, Patton did most of the talking while Virgil ate another donut. When Virgil stopped in front of his apartment complex, Patton peeked behind him.

"Oh do you live here?" Patton asked. Virgil nodded. "Oh okay! Well you get inside to warm up. I think I'll head home too actually. Have a good night Virgil!" Patton waved and flashed another smile.

As Virgil let himself inside the house, he realized Patton hadn't walked away yet. Once he turned to shut the door, the man gave him another quick closed eye smile and then turned to leave. Virgil pushed the door closed and locked it. He looked down at the half eaten second donut in his hand.

If it wasn't for the donut he truly could believe that this had all been a dream.

Virgil awoke abruptly, his head pounding and his heart racing.

Where was he? What happened?

Somehow Virgil had found his way onto his futon, cuddled in his old patchwork hoodie and a galaxy print blanket. He reached into his pocket for his phone but found nothing. Scrambling to get uncovered from the blanket, he heard a soft thump. His cell phone lay faceup and lit up brightly, cutting through the darkness. Virgil wiped his eyes as he grabbed the phone and blinked upon reading the screen.

"The 31st? Wait wait wait... wasn't it the 29th when I came home?" Virgil mumbled to himself before it came back to him as he eyed a dried out half donut sitting on the coffee table in front of him. "Oh my God did I sleep for two fucking days?"

Virgil forced himself up, feeling his brain go hazy and his vision flicker. A chill was sent down his spine as the blanket fell from his shoulders. He pulled the old hoodie off of his shoulders and then pulled his jean purple hoodie back on and grabbed his keys and cellphone, heading out the door.

The chill of the early January morning greeted him. Virgil pulled his hood over his head. He ignored the gnawing at his stomach and the light headedness he was feeling. Virgil only had one destination in mind. Patton. Most specifically, Patton's bakery. Virgil tried to remember the address on the top of the box under the logo. He had stared at it for so long but for some reason, it hadn't committed to memory.

"I think it said East 8th Street..." Virgil mumbled as he walked across the iron bridge. He didn't even so much as stop to look down. "I think 8th street starts at the second street at the end of the bridge and east is towards the high school..."

Virgil walked slowly and scooted his feet against the faded asphalt, hugging his stomach tightly. His vision was blurry and inaccurate but he was able to find his way slowly but surely to 8th street by way of a convenient restaurant on the corner aptly named "8th Street Cooking".

As Virgil walked along the sidewalk, he realized just how early in the day it was. He glanced at his basically dead cellphone. 3:49am looked back at him and his teeth chattered. What the absolute hell was he doing right now? Would Patton even be there? Did Patton even exist?

"No, he does exist. The donut is sitting in my apartment. Patton's real. He gave it to me. I just wanna see him again." Virgil spoke to himself as a wave of nausea and tiredness threatened to consume him.

Virgil tried his best to focus and continue walking but it was to no avail. His pain and fatigue got the best of him as he collapsed into a doorway, falling inside of a random building, losing consciousness.

Patton whistled while he worked in the back of the bakery. He had always been a morning person for the most part. Besides it was always quiet and gave him time to think and get things done before the hustle and bustle of the customers during breakfast.

Patton tied his navy blue apron around his back and set to work. He rolled the donuts perfectly, creating a few sheets in seconds, along with extra donut holes to sell on the side. From the fridge, Patton pulled out premade cookies, pastries, and other assorted treats which were prepared by his employees the day before. As he placed them in the large oven, the bell of the customer entrance rang out. Patton felt himself smile. It was pretty early so he was surprised to hear the bell, but maybe that meant it was someone new!

"I'll be right there!" Patton called out, grabbing a towel.

He walked through the door towards the front, seeing the door propped open by something. The wind from the early morning blew in fiercely.

"What..." Patton said as he walked around the counter, suddenly seeing a person had fallen inside his doorway and wasn't moving. "Oh my goodness!" He said worriedly, dropping the towel in his hand. He ran to the collapsed man and flipped him over. After getting a good look at his face, a realization washed over. "Virgil...?" Patton murmured, pulling him fully inside the building. Patton reached up to lock the door and flip the lights off in one swift motion. "Virgil, kiddo, can you hear me?" He asked, holding Virgil as gently as he could. The man was frozen to the core and his teeth chattered. His eyes were open slightly but he was unresponsive.

Patton looked back and forth, taking deep breaths. He had to get Virgil warmed up. He gently put his arm behind Virgil's back and his other arm under Virgil's legs. Taking a deep breath, Patton lifted the man, surprised at how light he was. He didn't feel any heavier than the largest sack of flour Patton normally purchased. Patton safely carried Virgil to the back of the store to the break room and laid him down carefully on the couch. He pulled some blankets out of the closet and covered him, tucking him in. As Patton fluffed the pillow, Virgil's eyes opened slowly and blinked as the man groaned.

"Where... am I?" Virgil asked, his voice scratchy. He blinked several times before his vision cleared. "Patton?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?" Patton pulled a chair over to the couch and he sat down. He had so many more questions but he didn't want to overload Virgil too much.

Virgil shrugged. He leaned back and pushed his bangs out of his face. “How did I get here? What happened this morning?” Virgil said aloud. They weren’t really questions, mostly just confusion. “Wait, I think I remember waking up and realizing it had been like two days.”

“You slept for two whole days?” Patton said incredulously as his eyes widened. “Then when’s the last time you ate?”

Virgil didn’t make eye contact but murmured softly, “…donuts…”

Patton covered his mouth in surprise. “My goodness, Virgil, if you haven’t eaten since I gave you the donuts and you were outside this morning… it’s no wonder you lost consciousness.”

Patton bit his lip before turning to the kitchenette behind him. He stood up and walked over to the fridge, pulling out batter, eggs, bacon, and a random assortment of breakfast foods.

Within a few minutes, Patton had a fully cooked breakfast for himself and for Virgil. The boy was so small. He needed a nice, home-cooked meal. Patton turned to sew Virgil staring off into space and sat the plates down at the table before walking over to him. After standing in front of Virgil for a moment, Virgil finally looked up at him. Patton simply held his hand out and smiled. Virgil blinked and saw the same sight from the other day in his mind. The moment on the bridge when Patton offered his hand. Virgil took the hand before he realized it and Patton hoisted him up slowly. The baker guided him to the table, not letting go of his hand until Virgil had sat down.

“Do you like milk? Or maybe orange juice?” Patton asked.

“Um, what about apple juice?” Virgil asked sheepishly.

Patton grinned. “I gotcha, kiddo. No worries.” He winked and pulled a small container of apple juice from the fridge. He poured a glass and returned to the table with his own drink and Virgil’s.

As Virgil slowly ate, the food tasting so marvelous he wanted to savor each bite, he felt a sensation building up in his chest. It surrounded his heart, flowing down his arms and into his fingertips. Before he even realized it, he saw drips land on his napkin.

“Oh Virgil…” Patton said softly. “Are you okay?”

Virgil quickly wiped the tears away and continued to eat. “Mhmhmm… sorry.”

Patton shook his head. “No need to be sorry. Just eat up.” He reassured.

Virgil nodded and did as he was told. He couldn’t remember a meal more delicious in his life. Even though it had been made with relative ease, it seemed Patton had put all of his love for cooking into each dish. The eggs were perfectly scrambled and seasoned; bacon burned just a bit more than usual to add extra crunch; the pancakes a beautiful golden brown color and so fluffy. Virgil wasn’t sure if he deserved to eat such nice food, but he wasn’t going to go against Patton.

As the two finished up, Patton began talking about how he needed to open the bakery back up since he had closed it upon finding Virgil. Virgil opened his mouth to apologize but Patton shh-ed him immediately and began to clean up the table. Virgil bit his lip and followed suit. Together, they cleaned the dishes and the table. Virgil glanced up at the clock and it was just nearly 6am. Suddenly a yawn caught him off guard. How was it possible he was still tired?

“You should rest.” Patton chided, pushing him towards the couch. Virgil sat but Patton forced him to lay down. “Passing out isn’t normal so you should take better care of yourself.” Patton was right, of course. So Virgil covered himself in a blanket as Patton left the room. He turned off two rows of lights as he exited. “I’ll be back after we close up. Get some sleep, okay?” Patton’s voice was soft and calm. He smiled gently. Virgil was asleep again before the door closed.

Virgil awoke again to a soft, tapping sound. He peeked to see Patton typing on a calculator with one hand and writing something down with his left. Virgil scrunched his eyes closed tightly before stretching which caught Patton’s attention.

“Good afternoon.” Patton said warmly. “You must’ve been really exhausted to sleep as long as you did.”

Virgil shrugged as he sat up straight and glanced at the clock on the wall. 3:34pm. He turned back to see Patton still adding up something.

“Are you-” Virgil stopped, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat as Patton giggled, holding an unopened bottle of water towards him. Virgil graciously took it and chugged half. “-already counting your business for the day?”

Patton mhmmed and took a drink of his own water. “Yeah, my bakery is only open for the morning hours. I have to have time to bake and such and most of my employees either can’t work in the afternoon or early morning because of school so I close a bit early to do some of the work myself. Then come back in the morning and do it all again.” He laughed at the last part, but to Virgil it sounded more like an exhausted sigh.

“Do you enjoy it?” Virgil asked. He stood up and sat back down at the table across from Patton.

“Of course.” Patton responded immediately. He dropped his pencil. “The problem isn’t that…” he met eyes with Virgil and smiled a closed eye smile. “I’m just very tired. That’s all.”

Virgil nodded, holding the water bottle in his hand. He squeezed it tightly and opened his mouth to say something but he was interrupted by a bell sound.

“PATTTTTTTTONNNNNNNN!”

A loud booming voice shouted loud enough to filter to the breakroom. Virgil turned to Patton with wide eyes while Patton only laughed.

“No worries, Virgil. It’s just my friend. His name’s Roman and he’s a bit of a big personality. But that’s why I love him.” Patton reassured with a smile.

Another bell tone sounded but no more shouting happened as a response.

“And that is probably Logan trailing behind Roman.” Patton informed. “They tend to both come here after work and classes respectively. I think you’d like them.” Patton looked at Virgil who looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Virgil? Are you okay?”

Virgil shook his head and stood up. His head went a bit mushy and he grabbed the chair for stability. Patton stood and rushed to Virgil’s side. “Virgil… you should really be careful. You’re still recovering.”

“I need you to help me see them.” Virgil insisted.

Patton raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Um sure okay. I didn’t think you’d actually want to but that’s great.” He put one arm around Virgil’s waist and the other holding Virgil’s hand. “Is this okay?”

Virgil nodded and the two walked out of the breakroom, down a small hallway, and finally through the door to the front desk and dining area.

Sitting at one of the tables were two men. One wore a gray beanie on his head and was dressed in pink and red. He was grinning with his head placed on interwoven fingers staring at the man across from him. The one who was being stared at was ignoring the starer, looking down at his book in his hand. His blue blazer was pressed perfectly and his face was contorted with annoyance.

“Patton! You have a new friend?” The red clad man, Roman, said. He turned to face them.

“Yup! I met him a couple of days ago at the Westward Bridge!” Patton said happily. “I gave him a couple of my favorite donuts and then he found my store here this morning. His name is-”

“Virgil.”

Virgil stared at the blue blazer man who spoke as he stood up. Their eyes met and Patton felt Virgil’s body tense up.

“L…” Virgil said softly.

“You two… know each other?” Roman questioned.

“Yes.” Logan responded firmly. “Roman, Patton: this is my brother, Virgil. The brother I thought disappeared off the face of the earth a few years back.”

A silence fell upon the room as Virgil and Logan awkwardly stared at each other.

Virgil sighed. There was going to be a lot of explaining to do.

[lyssaraiven]

Embarrassment

so i finally fucking finished this.. its for @naturallytom and @sunshinehollandd writing challenge to celebrate their milestones so the theme was disney channel movies and here it issss

warnings: idk not really anything.. kind of a sucking ending

words: 1572.. ik its a lot

Tony Stark decided to keep his daughter’s identity a secret since there was no doubt that they would have an issue because of the Avenger’s and how they manage to piss off a bunch of people that should never be pissed off (example; aliens). So, Y/N Stark went to Midtown High under the name Y/N Jackson, purposely so that Peter could unknowingly protect her if anything were to happen. 

Tuesday, April 7, 2014 in the Chemistry Lab in building 402 at Midtown High School was when everything, yet nothing seemed to change. 

Peter and Y/N were paired up for the biggest experiment of the year, and since the two of you were such geniuses, Ms. Ian let you work in a pair instead of a group of four. You moved to the seat in front of him and swiveled around to face him. 

“What’s up, Parker?” you asked Peter, as you chewed what seemed to be 9 million pieces of gum.

“Huh?” 

“Peter. How. Are. You? Are you okay?” You waved your hand in front of his face as his eyebrows knitted together and his nose scrunched up in an adorable- wait what? nevermind- 

“Oh! I-I’m okay I guess- Hey sorry about that I was um- you know what? I’m good thanks, h-how’re you?” Peter looked nervous, like really nervous, so nervous it was kinda cute- what the hell? You raised a brow and changed the subject, your face brightening as you talked about the experiment. 

After class, as Peter made his way to the lunchroom, you stopped him “Hey should we meet up or go to your place for the project, mine’s no good.”

“My place is good, can I get your number maybe? S-so I can text you about later.”

Your mouth quirked up into a grin as you spoke, “Damn Peter, already getting my number. I feel like I should get to know you first.” His face lit up and a smile formed, “Yeah well, that;s what tonight’s for, right?” 

“You got balls Parker. Later?” “Yeah, later.”

Happy picked you up down the street from school and drove you home to your family, the Avengers. When you were little, your mother passed away but before she died, you met your father and was left in his care after her passing. From there your ‘family’ grew with every new superhero joining the team. You trained with them, cooked for them, and talked about school over dinner like an actual family. 

When you got home, everyone you interacted with could tell you were in a good mood. Finally Thor, your best eating buddy, managed to get an explanation out of you. 

“I’m just happy I guess, I’m going to a friend’s house later though.” As if talking about him gave Peter some sort of sign, he finally text,

Hey

Hey

Here's my address: 20 Ingram st apt 508

Got it

“Hey Happy, we gotta go-” you started.

“Going where?” 

“Oh, hey dad, I’m going to my friend’s house to work on our chemistry project.” you said as you texted Peter again.

I’ll be there in like 15mins, kay?

Alrighty tighty

Are you like 5?

Yes. Yes I am

You beamed as you read that last text, but when you looked up at your dad your smile faded when he gave you a look like he was expecting something. You rolled your eyes and gave him details of what was happening. 

You kissed him on the cheek before walking in the elevator to have Happy drive you into Queens, “I’ll be home later, bye.” Tony and Thor gave a little wave as the doors closed. 

“The kid she’s hanging out with sounds familiar, I wonder if I know ‘em”

“Whatever, Parker. You’re a nerd.” 

“Hey you’re a nerd too!”

“Whatever, I’m pretty. Not that your not hot- but I’m pretty.”

“I’m hot?”

Your cheeks flushed red and pink as you realized what you said. “Yup! But, your like a hot that not everyone notices, but when they do, it turns out to be really obvious.”

“Okay, hey-”

You apologized as your phone rang, it was your dad. “Shit, I’ll be right back. ‘Hey daddy, what’s up.’

“Oh, nothing I was just wondering when my precious daughter was coming home”, he seethed.

“Yeah I’m on my way, just waiting for Happy, that’s all. Yup. So, I gotsta go, but I’ll see you at home, okay bye!” You knew Tony could tell you lost track of time since you were obviously nervous, lying not being one of your strong suits.

“Hey, so I gotta go, but I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah-yeah totally. Okay.” The two of you seemed to just stand there and be awkward until you got a text from Happy, saying he was there. 

“Alright, um bye. I guess.” “Yeah” Peter walked you to the door and you gave him a slight peck on the cheek as a goodbye.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

That Saturday, Peter was in the lab with Mr. Stark, working on a new prototype for his suit. Y/N wasn’t home so Tony let him come over and he was able to walk through the house without worry. While working on the suit, Tony made a remark on his strangely good mood. 

“What’s up kid, you look like you just had se-”

“Mr. Stark! I-It’s nothing, j-just some g-girl I was hanging out with a couple days ago. That’s it. That’s all. Nothing else.” Peter looked jittery and nervous, so Tony knew he must really like this girl. 

“Alright kid, just let me tell you, don’t get stuck in something that could ruin your life.” 

“O-okay.”

“So who is she?” 

“Mr, Stark!” Tony gave him a look, so Peter started to talk about Y/N. “Her name is Y/N Jackson, she has h/c hair and e/c eyes and she’s just really cool and pretty and we’re grouped together for a project in Chemistry.”

Tony’s jaw set as he heard you describe his daughter and he took one look into your eyes looking all dreamy-like and he was pissed beyond words. 

“Peter I’m gonna tell you once and only once. That girl is my daughter and you will never talk about her again or tell her who you are and you will not, I repeat, not date her or kiss her, or even  hug her. Got it. She’s off limits.” Tony looked at Peter with such hate in his eyes, it was surprising Peter wasn’t a pile of ashes already. 

“G-got it, sir.” “Good.”

……………………………………………………���……………………..........

You and Peter ended up getting an A on their experiment, but for some reason he started ghosting you, and you were as confused as ever because you thought you and him were getting pretty flirty and you thought maybe you guys could be friends, or more. But you guessed Peter Parker wasn’t up for it, because he ignored your texts and waves in school, and he just always seemed to disappear when you were about to talk to him. 

After two weeks of the ghosting situation started happening, you got fed up and trapped him in the boys bathroom to talk. You seen him leave his calculus class, which was across the hall from your study class, and you followed him to the bathroom. You made sure when you walked in no one else was in there, and you waited. When Peter walked out the stall, he kept his head down to wash his hands, but when he looked up and saw you, fear crossed his features.

“Y-Y/N, uhm this is the boys bathr-” he started panicking, scared that Mr. Stark would find out and take away his suit and maybe end your life.

“I know. But I need to talk to you, and everywhere I go, you just disappear out of thin air. Poof.” You made hand gestures about his disappearing act, and Peter followed your hands, trying to avoid your eyes. “Listen Peter. What the fuck is up with you. I-I mean one second I’m amazing, and the next you’re embarrassed to be seen with me? What the hell?”

“Y/N,” Peter started, “I can’t talk to you. I was specifically told, no threatened, not to talk to you. Okay? And I’m sorry, but I like you but at the same time I don’t want your dad-”

“My dad! You know who my dad is? Who told you? Who are you? Did you know before we started to talk? Did you tell anyone? Peter answer!” Soon you would be screaming and no one wanted that, so Peter grabbed your hands, which were waving very close to his nose, and put them to your sides. 

“Your dad told me okay! I was in the lab with him, and he said I had a look, and so I told him about you and he told me to not interact with you, so I didn’t. And I didn’t tell anyone. I swear.”

“Are you sure?” It’s not like you don’t trust Peter, you were just checking, because girls told each other everything, and if you were the one to find out Peter Parker was Tony Stark’s son, you definitely would have to tell someone.

“Yes”

“Okay, good. I-I guess I’m gonna go so, bye” You were upset, and tears had welled up somewhere in your conversation, so you really just wanted to go home and cry into your pillow.

alr so i told u a sucky ending.. i just left it like that bc everytime i tried to add more it just started getting worse and worse so. thats it. bye

[solarune]

meet me on the rooftop

pairing: mark lee x reader

genre: fluff, best friends to lovers is implied at the end i guess, college au, spiderman au

warnings: wasn’t sure if i should put fem!reader or not bc it’s implied that reader has long hair that gets into their face at one point but not everyone that identifies as a girl has long hair and people that don’t identify as a girl have long hair so like??? pls let me know if i made the right decision lol

word count: 1,979

a/n: i listened to the soundtrack for “into the spider-verse” while writing the last 1/3 of this lmao. i was actually going to name this “let go” after the song by beau young prince (but decided against it bc i didn’t think it fit) on the soundtrack so listen to that song while reading this if you’d like? also this happened because of @retro-milk‘s spider-man!mark au and a drawing of spider-man!mark i saw on twitter

Mark smirks underneath his mask as he watches the bank robbers squirm underneath the webbing, their boots scuffing against the brick wall of the bank’s entrance as they beg him to let them go. Just as he’s about to reply, police sirens cut him off, their red, white, and blue lights lighting up the street around him, and Mark takes that as his signal to leave. With a mocking salute and a “See you fellas later,” he makes his way down the street, shooting a web to the roof of an office building and taking off just as the first police car arrives. Mark can’t help but let out a whoop of joy as he swings from building to building, the various noises of Seoul’s nightlife the soundtrack to his next destination. 

After Mark’s long and exhausting week, he definitely needed tonight to let off some steam, especially after the psychology midterm he took in the afternoon. He had studied all week long, gotten a total of maybe 6 hours of sleep in the past 2 days, but the second he read the first question of the exam, he felt his mind go blank. Mark was frustrated to say the least, so tonight’s victory was a much-needed pick-me-up and a great outlet to let go of everything.

He lets his mind wander as his body moves on autopilot, the route to his destination so well-known to him that he could probably get there with his eyes closed (he wouldn’t dare try that though because knowing his luck, he’d run face-first into a lamppost). His feet touch down on concrete, footsteps silent as he lets go of the web and takes in the sight before him: graffiti on the wall to his left, pigeon poop covering the abandoned wooden crates to his right, and the city of Seoul in front of him. Mark makes his way to the wall in front of him, slowly sitting down with a sigh as he takes everything in and takes off his mask.

He tries to not come to the rooftop of your apartment building too often for fear of getting caught, specifically by you, but he just couldn’t help himself tonight. He knows that he’s running a big risk, that you enjoy your alone time on the rooftop—stargazing while listening to one of your many playlists—that for all he knows, you could be there right now. But being there reminds him of simpler times. Before college, before he was Spider-Man, before things got so complicated and the world was black and white rather than various shades of grey. It reminds him of when you and him were still in high school and he would follow you up the fire escape to the roof. You would lie down on the cold concrete and look up at the stars and talk about anything and everything; your pasts, the weird kid in your geography class, how scared you were of what college would be like. Things were a lot easier back then.

Or maybe they just felt easier because you were always with him. Mark found you very comforting, which isn’t surprising considering you’re his best friend. The two of you balance each other out really well and had been inseparable since the 2nd grade when Mark moved to Korea from Canada; hell, you were one of the reasons Mark even became Spider-Man in the first place. Even now, with college consuming every minute of your lives, you and Mark still make time for each other. Because that’s what best friends do. But Mark is tired of being your best friend, is tired of constantly having to push down the confession that’s on the tip of his tongue every time he sees you. He wants to give you the world but he supposes that protecting the one you live in is good enough for him for now.

As he’s staring at the N Seoul Tower off in the distance, Mark hears quiet footsteps behind him and he scrambles to put his mask back on, cursing loudly at himself in his head. It’s only September, when the nights are still warm, of course someone would be on the roof. He turns around to see who it is while simultaneously planning his escape in his head, but freezes when he sees that it’s you. You stop in your tracks, your right hand fidgeting with the hem of his your old high school shirt and your left hand lifted up to him as if to show that you mean no harm.

The two of you stare at each other for what feels like minutes, neither of you wanting to break the silence, but eventually you gather enough courage to ask, “Are you okay?”

Mark is taken aback at that; of all questions you want to ask him, you ask if he’s okay? “U-Uh, I… What?” he stutters out, not completely sure what you mean by that. Judging by the indentations on your cheek, he guesses that you had been asleep for around half an hour, which means you had been on the roof for an hour and a half before falling asleep. There was no way you would know about Spider-Man stopping a bunch of bank robbers only a few miles from your apartment. So there’s no way that you would know he’s hurt.

He sees you bite your lower lip and can’t help but smile softly at that, his eyes never leaving your face as yours look down at your feet. “S-Sorry, you were just… sighing a lot? But the sad kind of sigh, and also the exhausted kind, so I just thought I should ask because, well, when am I ever going to get another chance to talk to Spider-Man, you know?”

He can’t help but laugh at your rambling, the tightness in his chest easing up at your words and your presence. “I’m okay,” Mark nods, thanking God that he remembered to turn on the voice distortion. He wasn’t quite ready to have that talk with you yet. “It’s just been a long week. School’s been kicking my ass, I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep—you know, the regular college student type of stress.” He finishes his explanation with a shrug, mentally pushing down the stress when his mention of school makes him think about his psychology exam. “I had a psychology exam today and I didn’t do that great on it.”

You nod at his explanation, slowly walking over to sit next to him on the ledge. You sit far enough away to maintain a respectable distance but still close enough where he could smell the faint scent of the oil you put in your hair after you shower. “I feel that,” you chuckle, your hands clenching into fists where they rest on your thighs. “I had an exam today too, in my biology class, and I just completely bombed it.” (Mark has to stop himself from asking about your exam when you say that, his confusion as to why you told him earlier today that you thought you did fine almost giving away his identity.) You shake your head a bit and laugh to yourself quietly, letting out a sigh before looking up at him with a small smile. “My best friend Mark also had an exam in his psychology class today. He looked sad when I met up with him for coffee when we were both done with classes so I didn’t pry.”

A comfortable silence falls over the two of you, Mark looking up at the sky and just beginning to wonder whether or not he should leave, whether or not it was even a good idea for him to be there in the first place, when you break the silence. “Can I ask you something?”

Mark looks over at you, his hand twitching when the cool breeze sweeps a couple of strands of your hair in front of your face. “You technically just did,” Mark jokes, his suit’s voice distortion making him sound a lot more confident than he felt. “But yeah, go ahead.”

You roll your eyes at his lame joke, huffing out a laugh before looking up at the sky. “How can you tell when someone is keeping something from you?” Mark freezes at that, every hair on his body standing straight up as he looks at you. “It’s just…” you begin, taking the hero’s silence and stare as a request to elaborate. “Mark hasn’t been himself lately. He hasn’t been sleeping, he seems really on-edge about everything, and sometimes… sometimes I even see cuts and bruises on him. And I try to ask him what’s going on, if he’s in some sort of trouble, but he always says that I shouldn’t think about it, that it’s nothing to worry about. But that’s ridiculous because of course I’m going to worry and think about it—I’m his best friend, first of all, and second of all, I’m already thinking about him half the time because I’m in love with him, but that’s an entirely different story.”

Mark jumps up at that, his feet hitting the concrete hard enough to make his teeth rattle, but he barely notices as he stares at you. “You’re what?” he asks in disbelief. You are in love with him? With Mark Lee, the boy who, to this day, still hasn’t found a way to make his heart stop beating so fast whenever he hears you laugh, who blushes whenever you tease him, who feels like he’s going to faint whenever the two of you so much as brush shoulders?

“I know, I know,” you reply while shaking your head. “I’m in love with my best friend, super lame. No need to tell me that, all of my friends already do on a daily basis.”

“No,” Mark disagrees, briefly wondering if you’re able to hear how loud and fast his heart is beating because that’s almost all he can hear at this point. “It’s cute actually. Like something out of one of those teen romance movies you find on Netflix, you know?” You laugh at that and Mark sits down beside you once again, a little bit closer this time. “And as for Mark, it sounds like he just doesn’t want to worry you. Since you and him have been best friends for so long, he probably knows that there are things that you’re worrying about too and he just doesn’t want to add to that,” he explains, finding courage from the mask and suit on his body to confide in you (whether or not you actually know it’s him). “You just need to trust him. I’m sure he’ll tell you whatever it is when he’s ready.”

Nodding at his words, you look out at the city once more, finding a new love for it in that moment. “Can I ask you one more thing?” You see him nod out of the corner of your eye and continue, a smile appearing on your face as you say it. “If this whole superhero thing doesn’t work out for you, can you keep trying to help people somehow? Because you’re really good at it.”

He can’t help but let out a loud laugh at that, the two of you standing up at the same time as the conversation comes to an end. Mark turns his back to the city lights, looking at you as he stands on the ledge. “I’ll try,” he agrees. With that, he takes a step back and falls off the roof, thrusting his arm out and shooting out a web as he begins his journey home. He smiles to himself when he hears you yell out, “Goodnight, Spider-Man,” letting out a whoop as he lets go of a web, closing his eyes as he falls before releasing another one.

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

[svtntntn]

jukebox!!

greaser!seokmin x waitress!you

THE PERFECT GIF

inspo: seokmin during booseoksoon's 'just do it' and call call call promos

seokmin studies at the diner on the corner of the street, ordering a single milkshake everyday he’s there and choosing his favorite song from the jukebox

tbh, lee seokmin shouldn't even be in the SVT gang to begin with

he fell into it by accident bc he was jeonghan's assigned mentee from a mentorship program at school and jeonghan called him as a last resort when he and joshua needed help with something

so he did so, and when seungcheol offered him a spot in SVT, he accepted it bc he's loyal and devoted to his mentor and friends, no matter what trouble they're causing

bc now they're in it together!

SVT are the greasers that run the eastern part of town, organizing bike races, causing mayhem and chaos, basically acting as delinquents in school and in town

it's kinda a surprise to everyone at school that seokmin's a part of SVT, but with SVT second-in-command yoon jeonghan as his assigned mentor and his friends being in SVT as well, it was only a matter of time

seokmin's typically tagging stuff with hansol and soonyoung or riding his bike into the school parking lot with mingyu and minghao

he's tried to study with the rest of the guys before their meetings but they're all so loud and rambunctious that he needs his own study space

after classes, seokmin frequents this one specific diner near the eastern/western border of the town for one thing and one thing only: strawberry milkshakes

he gets his favorite strawberry milkshake with the perfect dollop of whipped cream and a shiny red cherry on top while he studies in a corner booth right next to the jukebox, where he can easily slip in a quarter into the machine and request his favorite songs to hum as he does his homework

the diner's patrons love love love hearing him sing as he re-writes his chem notes, his own high notes reaching every corner of the diner till he's met with a small chorus of applause

it's not until afterwards when they notice the back of his leather jacket do their breaths hitch and the whispers start circulating around the room

you don't really know why that happens tho

you just notice no matter what, the man who always orders the same strawberry milkshake everyday wears his leather jacket with pride everyday

you’ve been working at the diner for awhile now, since you just moved into town with your family

and your eyes always catch the handsome man sitting by his lonesome in the same booth by the jukebox

and you want to say something to him, but nothing comes to mind when you stop by his table except, "enjoy your milkshake" and he gives you a small smile and a grateful "thank you" back

your co-worker seungkwan always tries to hype you up to get you to say anything to seokmin

bc he's in seokmin's choir class and knows that he's a super sweet guy who would like you back

so bc you're not very good at articulating your words, you decide to write on the back of his receipt instead

you decide write something simple: 'you have a beautiful voice:) -(y/n)'

you give seokmin his receipt after he pays and he thanks you, pocketing the scrap of paper and exiting the diner with his backpack

when you walk back to seungkwan, he just scolds for you being too subtle whilst saying you have to do something bold and get his attention

but you're not all into being bold and brash (hahahaha) so you brush off your crush as just being that: a harmless crush

it's not until seokmin's at home and he's emptying his jacket pockets does he notice your note

he saves it in his notebook and it definitely sets his mood for the entire day:)

when he ventures over to the diner the next day, he recognizes you standing at the jukebox with a quarter in your hands

you're perusing the jukebox's library when someone taps your shoulder, scaring you and making you drop the coin

"sorry!" seokmin drops down and gets the coin for you, handing it back to you

he glances at the catalogue set on the very last page, "hard time choosing a song?"

you nod, "especially since I have never heard of most of these"

"you've never?" seokmin's surprised, but he smiles warmly at you, "I guess we're gonna have to fix that!"

he fishes around in his backpack and pulls out a little coin purse, entering his own quarters in the machine and pressing in combination after combination for several songs, "these first few are my personal favorite, then I'm just setting the jukebox to play other tracks I like"

you nod and you ask him what song to use your quarter for, "save it for when you find a song you really like" 

he slides into his usual booth and you pocket the quarter, choosing to take his advice

"so, just a strawberry milkshake then?" you ask him expectantly, shooting him a wide smile

"yes please" seokmin nods as he pulls out his notebook and study material

you put in his order and wait on other tables, helping an elderly couple two booths down and a rowdy bunch of guys seokmin recognizes from another school at a table near his own

the group of rowdy guys continue to shout above the music from the jukebox, jeering at each other and catcalling at you when you walk by

you try to your hardest to be polite and tell them to keep it down as to not disrupt the other diners, but they brush off your warnings 

and seokmin's just trying to study and listen to the music, especially since he wanted to you to listen to the songs he loves too but he can clearly see that the boys are making you v uncomfortable

so he goes up to the table and asks them to either keep it down and stop catcalling you or apologize to everyone and leave the diner asap

seokmin pulls all his moves from when he's seen seungcheol and jihoon act intimidating to other rude ppl when they're out and about

he also makes sure to take his time walking back to his own table, letting the boys stare in shock at the SVT initials on the back of his jacket

needless to say, the boys pay their bill and leave right when you come back from the kitchen with seokmin's milkshake, all the boys bowing to you in apology and cowering from seokmin's glare

when you appear at his table, his glare melts into a cheerful smile, "thank you (y/n)!"

you then help the elderly couple at their booth, who both have been watching everything go down, "excuse me miss, can I pay for that boy's milkshake? tell him that the world needs more people like him" the old man smiles

you nod to him, "sure, let me fix your bill for you" 

on the couple's way out, the elderly man tips his hat at seokmin, who gives him a bright smile but is terribly confused on the inside

when you venture back to seokmin, he's ready to pay for his bill when you show him the paid receipt and relay him the man’s message to him, "they said that the world needs more people like you"

the message clicks in seokmin's head and he looks down at his notebook modestly, "oh"

and of course, you've already caught on to what the old man meant, "thank you for helping me deal with those boys"

he immediately shakes his head, "oh! no no no, it's no big deal! you just looked uncomfortable and they were being jerks to you and—"

"no, it really means a lot to me, thank you..." you assure your gratitude to him with a kind smile and you pause for his name

and now seokmin's just staring at you bc wow your smile is really beautiful and the sunlight from the blinds make your hair shine and your eyes sparkle and wait, were you asking for his name? shoot—"oh! sorry, I'm seokmin!"

"I'm (y/n), nice to meet you" 

a light bulb goes off in his head, "(y/n)! you wrote me that note!" he pulls out the receipt from his notebook and you blush now

"I did write that, yes"

"I'm sure you have a beautiful voice too" you shake your head no, but seokmin disagrees with you, "you do! just listening to you right now, I can tell you have a beautiful voice, are you sure you're not an angel?"

okay, that was something he definitely learned from his mentor jeonghan and now you're DEFINITELY flushed

you don't know what to do at this point but you hear the jukebox stop playing music, "ah, the jukebox! it stopped! I-I should play something!"

seokmin chuckles at you and helps you choose more songs to play, using his own money again and packing up his things

"I'll see you tomorrow, (y/n)?"

you smile at him, "with one strawberry milkshake ready for you"

seokmin's on cloud nine the rest of his night

even when he's out with hansol and joshua tagging buildings and whatnot, all he can do is draw little hearts as you cross his mind

as the next couple of days roll by, you've developed a love for a lot of the songs on the jukebox

specifically all of the songs that seokmin recommends

and all the love songssss;)

seungkwan notices the little skip in your step as you wait on tables while the same five songs from the jukebox play

he nudges your elbow as he punches in another receipt on the register when you're next to him, "you're staring at the door again"

 you straighten up next to him, trying to find something to fuss with instead of staring at the entrance for seokmin to come in, "am not"

"you are too, and I'm getting tired of the same songs playing, would it kill you to change it up? I get that they're all seokmin's favorites, but he's not here right now"

"fineeee"

when seokmin does come in, seungkwan tries to joking go to his table to serve him, but you race over instead

seokmin's order is still the same and you try to stop by his table as much as you can without getting in trouble or neglecting other customers

he always sings out loud to the songs you've tuned on the jukebox and it brings such a smile to your face to hear him sing

gosh you love his voice

you both bond over music really well and when the diner's empty and it's just you and seokmin (and seungkwan occasionally), you all sing out loud and dance around the diner

you always write on the back of seokmin's receipts still, trying to make the note different each time 

'how much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice! I hope this makes you smile! -(y/n)'

'the ladies at the counter are talking about how handsome you are, and I have to agree ahaha -(y/n)'

'you sing everything so well, how!! -(y/n)'

'have you ever tried anything different at this diner? hahah -(y/n)'

'these milkshakes are as sweet as you -(y/n)'

gosh, who is the actual greaser? him or you?? who knows ahah

seokmin saves all of these receipts in his notebook and they've become one of his most treasured items

his small crush on you during the beginning of your relationship has developed into a major major crush on you

and your so-called harmless crush has snowballed into you liking seokmin so much you can’t get him out of your head

and bc you’re way more confident on paper than in person, you decide to ask him out through your receipt notes!

that same day, you deliver your receipt to seokmin just as one of the members from SVT rushes past you and grabs his arm

seokmin is surprised to see chan at the diner, but all he mutters is "emergency meeting!" and he packs up his papers, stuffing your receipt in his notebook quickly

"sorry (y/n)!" he waves to you and leaves abruptly with his friend, making you slightly worried, but seungkwan assures you it's probably nothing serious

and honestly, it is nothing bc mingyu and wonwoo got into a fight with some guys of the west side gangs, but they're all well-rounded fighters so no major injuries occurred

but now there's a bike race going on between them and the other gang

"seokmin, are you listening?" seungcheol asks him, waving his hand in front of his zoned out state

"yes! I'm listening!" seokmin tunes back in and seungcheol continues on, "does anyone have a piece of paper I can borrow?"

seokmin pulls out his notebook and doesn't even notice your most recent note fall out, tearing out a clean sheet for seungcheol and stuffing his notebook back in his backpack

for awhile, seokmin doesn't return to the diner bc of the preparations for the race, making you even more worried that your note scared him off or made things awkward between you two

but when he does come back, everything is in perfect harmony like it was before, making you think he did read your note, but he obviously turned you down

so you try to move past it as best as you can, but you're still sad on the inside, which seokmin can kinda tell just by looking into your eyes

seokmin is super surprised to see his mentor sitting in his usual booth when he enters the diner, "jeonghan! what are you doing here?"

"just wanted to see where you get away to everyday before our meetings" jeonghan fusses with a toothpick, "why do you come here everyday?"

"I study here, that's it" seokmin answers, "I come here for the peace and quiet"

jeonghan raises an eyebrow at the words 'peace and quiet,' wordlessly pointing out the noisy jukebox next to him belting another song (his favorite song actually) and the sizzle and hissing of the grill behind the kitchen, while seungkwan and you take the orders of other customers in the diner with such vibrancy and pep

"okay, I come for the milkshakes"

"hi seokmin, your usual" seokmin beams a smile at you as his milkshake is set down on the table

"thank you (y/n)" his eyes trail after you as you go to other tables, jeonghan clearing his throat with a obvious cough, "so you come here for that cute waitress?"

"(y/n) is just a friend"

"do you like her?"

seokmin ponders it for a moment before a smile spreads on his face, he can’t lie to his mentor, his older brother figure, "yes, yes I do like her"

"do you think she likes you?" seokmin shakes his head, mumbling a "no" before changing it to an unconfident "maybe?"

"seokmin, she definitely likes you" jeonghan plucks the cherry off the whipped cream and into his mouth 

seokmin frowns and pulls his shake closer to him protectively

"no other waitress writes little notes on the back of receipts for you. I saw all the receipts in your notebook, they're cute and affectionate love notes" jeonghan flicks the small piece of paper towards him, "you probably didn’t even read the back of this receipt" 

seokmin reads the note from you asking him out and his mouth forms the shape of an 'O' 

'seokmin, would you like to go out on a date? possibly, tomorrow night? if not, that's okay! you can ignore this and I'll forget I even wrote this! -(y/n)'

"don’t come to the meeting tonight" jeonghan removes the cherry stem (a perfectly knotted stem) from his mouth, "I'll tell seungcheol you're studying for an exam"

he claps seokmin on the shoulder and exits the diner as you go over to seokmin and ask if he's alright bc this boy is still in disbelief

"yES! uh, yes! I'm alright!" seokmin clears his throat, "(y/n)! will you go out with me tonight?"

"huh? yes, of course, is something happening?" 

the bells go off in seokmin’s head as he grins madly, "perfect! meet me outside the diner at 7! what you’re wearing is fine!" he rushes out the door and now you’re the one in shock and disbelief

by the time 7pm rolls around, the sun is setting and you’re kinda getting cold just standing outside for seokmin to arrive

and without avail, the man of your dreams the hour rolls into the parking lot on his bike, taking off his helmet (safety first!) and offering you a helping hand on his bike

you climb aboard and hold on to seokmin tightly as he brings you to the more abandoned part of town, where there’s plenty of tagged buildings and such

seokmin pulls up to one particular building and covers your eyes as you get off the bike, "I obviously sing better than I draw, but ta da!"

and on the side of the building is a picture of what looks to be the outside of the diner? complete with a little ‘open’ sign and everything??

he guides you along to another wall where he painted a fake jukebox and his fake corner booth complete with a milkshake on the table but with two straws in the shake

and there below the faux jukebox is a picnic set for two ppl with candles set up on the concrete and a small stereo with your favorite songs playing

"I wanted to stay inside the diner, but you must get tired of being there everyday so, I re-created it here! it’s not exactly the same—I mean this might be illegal? and the paint is still kinda fresh—but it’s drying and I tried fixing us up something but it’s not exactly perfect—"

you laugh as seokmin rambles on, "seokmin, this is wonderful!" your heart is racing bc my goshhh it’s like a scene from a film! "no one’s ever gone through the trouble of doing all of this for me, thank you"

seokmin grins and you two eat the picnic dinner with all the romantic songs playing in the background, eventually laying down on the blanket together and staring up at the stars

you start singing along to the music and seokmin nearly falls asleep bc your voice is so soothing

a small snore escapes his lips and you nudge him bc you think you’re boring him with your singing

"just the opposite, told you you had the voice of an angel, angel" he winks just as you roll your eyes

he shrugs off his jacket and put it on your shoulders as you shiver, making you drown in his warmth and smell of his cologne

when seokmin takes you back home, he wraps his hand in yours and lingers on your doorstep for the longest time

he pouts as you try to pull away from him even when you don’t want to, "do you really have to go back to heaven?"

"still with the angel stuff?"

"baby, you are my angel"

ending notes: lee seokmin always goes to the diner for the milkshakes, but stays for you and your angelic voice (even if you don’t think so)

<3

[philcphobic]

[ TWO / THREE ] hello, KRIS again & this is my son CHOI TAEWOO ! he is the younger brother of @rnicohq & he Does Not belong here ... but here he is anyway ! he’s a memeber of WAIKIKIS and he’s the gang’s somewhat imcompetent thief. if you’d like to plot smash that heart & let’s create something beautiful !

[ TRIGGER WARNINGS ; ANXIETY, DEPRESSION ]

LIFE BEFORE GANG ACTIVITY !

he was born to a wealthy man and a beautiful, beautiful woman whom of which his father did not deserve … at all ! looking back on it now, taewoo doesn’t really understand how his mother could’ve fell in love with a man like him but she always told him that them meeting resulted in the best things in her life ( aka her children uwu ) and she wouldn’t trade that for the world !!!

he’s the youngest of three children, but some things aren’t meant to be. it just b like that sometimes. you see, taewoo was really young when their parents divorced, like it literally happened maybe a year or two after he was born !! unfortunately ... both of his siblings went with daddie dearest ...

so, now that he and his mother were on their own with little money to their names ( with absolutely no help from his father obviously ), they struggled financially. they stayed with his grandmother, and he began seeing less of his mom because she started working two jobs to be able to provide for the three of them.

as he grew up, taewoo always wondered why their father didn’t want to see him even part time, but that’s none of his business. he doesn’t really know why their parents just agreed to never see the children the other had, so he lowkey thought it was just always something about him specifically.

to ease his worrying, his mother always told him that their father was a bad man, and that his siblings ... wanted nothing to do with him ! they all apparently HATED him !! it made him feel ... really alone, because he would’ve liked to grow up with his siblings ... someone to teach him how to do this or that, or to hear experiences from so he knows what to do / doesn’t make the same mistakes ...

he would’ve liked to have someone to depend on other than his mom & grandma since he didn’t want to burden them.

he had heard nothing about his siblings; his mom was adamant on not telling him anything other than the fact she was mad at them ... ( this is important for later ).

on nights he wasn’t able to see his mom his grandmother always reminded him to do the best that he could in school so one day he could support his mom when she was too tired to continue working two jobs at night.

the most logical thing to do was not ask for help from anyone and let he and his mother suffer for a couple years … in turn, he worked his ass off in school to become one of the top students every year !!! however, this caused him to lack a social life since he always wanted to study, study, study ... he needed to do well, you know?

he thought if he wasn’t successful in school and didn’t eventually have a good job one day he’d be a disappoint to his mother who worked so hard for him day and night.

he also grew up resenting his father ( as he should ) & siblings since they seemed to have all the money in the world, right? he doesn’t understand why they couldn’t share !!! or try contacting him ! truth was ... grandma and mom probably blocked them out hardcore if they tried but ... taewoo wouldn’t know that; how would he?

they believed he would be better off without them. perhaps they were afraid that taewoo would get into trouble, just like his siblings did. they didn’t tell the young boy that nico disappeared from their father’s watchful eye when nico was in middle school ( taewoo was 6-8 years old !!!!! ) and that his sister also disappeared just a couple years after until several years later ...

his mother finally told him during his second year of high school, which is almost a decade after nico even went off to join his first gang ... you cannot imagine how upset he was because like ... how could she just choose to NOT tell him anything? those are his siblings ...

all taewoo had to go off of were photos all these years ... so when he saw & met nico after all this time ... instead of expressing his worry he ... let out his anger instead? he knows his brother means well now, but he is also blinded by LIES his mother told + he doesn’t really want to listen to his brother’s side either so ... taewoo is just being difficult.

it does not help that their sister is missing probably because of nico’s enemies ...

taewoo also knows it isn’t nico’s fault deep down, but he blames him anyway out of pent up confusion on his own feelings towards his brother being in his life a little more

( ANXIETY, DEPRESSION ) in all seriousness, taewoo ... struggles like ... a lot. he’s put so much on his shoulders and his heart is too soft to request for any help from anyone. it’s a lot of stress on someone young, and the worry that he’ll someday fail or that he’s doing this and that wrong constantly plague bis mind ... he underestimates himself a lot, and he overthinks everything to the point where it’s unbearable. he’s trying his best but he’s sinking faster than he’s climbing.

ENTERING GANG LIFE !

anyways, taewoo thinks he wants to be closer to his brother, and he thinks the only way to do so is by joining ... u guessed it ! a gang !!! however, taewoo also wants friends ... and since he’s never really had any before, he’s desperate ... so why tf not, right?

however ... taewoo is stupid, and met someone who wasn’t apart of rose golden and joined the WAIKIKIS instead !!! but it’s fine, because in the end he does get friendships out of it all, you know? he also hoped he could learn to be a lil more … independent? be more care free as opposed to scared of everything?

he lived his entire life in a bubble, protected from both the dangers and the wonders of the world because his goal was so straightforward. he was to do well in school, get a job that paid well so he would be able to pay his mom back for ( still, to this day ! ) working so hard to provide for the both of them; he’s never considered the option of stepping out of line in fear he’ll jeopardize his grades or something … like the nerd he is.

so he probably joined sometime after he turned 18? thank you jeno @guiltheavy for introducing him to waikikis ... even though rose golden was the goal, in hindsight, he doubts they’d accept him since he is not even close to being as wealthy as he could be to join them anyways ! plus the waikikis ... are just ... more his style ...

he really doesn’t like being in gang bc … you know … gangs do dangerous things but he’s glad that waikikis are like … super chill and not that … terrible per se. even though he’s been involved for a year you’re going to find him a scaredy cat ! super scared of doing anything dangerous — probably definitely squeaks when a gun is fired within 25 feet of him SFHJDSFND

he doesn’t belong in a gang and he knows it !!! but he’s still determined to … become one of them … even though he technically is one of them … he’s been assigned as a thief for the gang, but because of taewoo’s morals to be a good person, he’s somewhat incompetent. he’s successful in stealing, definitely, but he feels so bad he tries to return the things he’s required to steal half the time ... he believes the longer he’s in waikikis, the tougher he’ll become ...

uhhhhhhhhhh he’s a babie pls protect him ,

TAEWOO AS A PERSON !

although he doesn’t seem like it, being naive and pristine, he’s really intelligent. he lives with his nose stuck in a book, and he’s filled with so many facts that he could write his own encyclopedia. his knowledge allows him to have many different skills, despite not immediately displaying them to people ... ever. he’s got medical knowledge and he knows how to repair a range of things ... he’s not completely useless !

the thing about taewoo is that he likes knowing everything, so he learns as many things as his brain is willing to handle. first aid is something he was interested in for a long time, as he wants to one day become a doctor.

he is a university freshman studying biomedical science, and he takes school seriously. he puts school before his gang duties and no matter what, his education will ALWAYS come first. he would do anything for his mother, and he wants to succeed for her. he needs to do well in school or else he would just ... he’d be really sad ok.

in summary of taewoo, he’s 98% book smart and 2% street smart. he’s very much inexperienced and so, so naive ... but he’s trying to do better. he constantly says he’s willing to do dangerous things but he’s really scared if he actually has to do these said dangerous things … yes he’s an absolute mess.

pure to the point that it’s just sad. like i said before, he’s lived in this bubble his entire life with one goal in mind, and that did not include having even a tiny bit of a social life outside of one or two friends. like ... he’s never held anyone’s hand, never went on a date, never kissed anyone ( someone please kiss him !!!!!!!!! ), never got real hugs except from his family ( someone PLEASE hug him !!!!!!!!!!! ), never had a significant other …

don’t say any sexual innuendos around him, he will not get it !!!!!!

he’s trying his best,,, that’s what counts,,,

[babblingbat]

Various Characters I meant to post Months ago

Various Characters of mine

I have so many I want to write (some) of them down! This is a suuuuuper long post so more under the cut! Includes a spy, a crime lord/activist, and a bargaining warlock (I have to reblog this later bc tumblr threw a hissy fit about the length)

X

- Kinda in a Bond-esque spy agency, but more of a contractor

- When everything goes to shit, you can count on them to fix it

- Nonbinary protege of whoever is in charge of the tech division (Mezza? Sloane? Dixon? idk, but they have a hell of a shady past and there’s like… noooothing that can keep Sloane out of computer systems)

- X isn’t formally recognized by APO (authorized personnel only, the spy agency) but they do have access to all information because of a backdoor Sloane made

- So I guess the name is Sloane

- Anyways, X goes on the black ops of black ops, typically with either mercenaries or no back-up at all

- Thus trust issues and like the opposite of dependency - they have so much trouble asking for things but are willing to help anyone or offer material assistance - if they have it

- X is nonbinary and really doesn’t have any preferences on pronouns, as long as they aren’t he/him or she/her

- They’re also autistic and shut down if there’s too much loud noise or if they’re just too tired for some reason - sometimes this means going nonverbal or just Not Functioning and their favorite way to feel better is to sit on the ground, wrap themselves in a blanket and listen to music - so in conclusion they don’t really use guns unless there’s a silencer, and they aren’t v good with them

- A huge part of their espionage function is language!

- They speak German, Spanish, Japanese, FSL, and ASL all idiomatically

- They also speak Russian, French, and Afrikaans, but not fluently

- They can swear and count to ten in Korean and Czech

- They’re pursuing a PhD in computational linguistics, though APO gets in the way

- They’re 24, and have a bizarre set of skills because both of their job, previous jobs and jobs they hold as a cover to pretend they pay their taxes, and special interests

- Sloane is only 7 years older than them, and recruited X out of high school

- At first it was small things, like ‘pick up this book from Elm Street and drop it at Main’ but it got bigger after they graduated

- When X turned 18, they went through formal training - protocol, combat, and analysis

- They’d done some martial arts before hand, but not much punching, mostly kicking, throws, and staffs (5 and 6 feet)

- X’s main job is to clean up messy situations, usually by stealing things or extractions, and their own ops are less combat oriented than the clean ones

- X is not the best at math, not by a long shot, but they can see patterns from a mile away

- “I am the fact guardian, guardian of the facts!” “Puzzles quiver before them!” “FUCK OFF”

- They do simple division when bored and solve a lot of math things by finding patterns and using them

- X is both their designation in the agency (as in ‘x factor’) and their actual name- they use an alias for college

- They live with a few people, most of whom complain at their erratic sleep schedule and ask that please, for the love of god, X gets sleep meds and just a solid 8 hours, for once

- Sloane eventually sends X on an op to extract Mel, Sloane’s girlfriend and top operative

- X doesn’t know what to tell Mel, so mostly they just tell them that things will be answered later

- Mel asks Sloane, who reluctantly explains X’s role, and this sets some things into motion of X eventually being brought into the spotlight

- They have several hearings about their activities

- Eventually, Seville (who runs things? I guess) tells them to carry on as they do, reporting directly to Sloane, but they are recognized now by the APO

- There are three other things I want to fit in:

- Goes missing for [period of time], leaving a very close friend behind, comes back after being presumed dead and no memories, apparently solved a conspiracy and now has many illegal friends who all enjoy thievery

- Magic is a thing (because it wouldn’t be my words if it wasn’t lmao) and common enough that people know it exists but rare enough that it’s kinda intimidating and sometimes people will freak out about it, despite plenty of people having it.

X has/develops magic at some point but is terrified to tell anyone and tries to hide it from their team (which is now their family, love that trope) because they don’t want to be barred from the APO, but it comes out accidentally during a mission

- X’s infodumping saves the day somehow

The Celestian

- K so this is more about an organization, but the Celestian lives in a like a 1920s fantasy setting and likes dancing

- They run a social activism group masquerading as a crime network that uses queer bars and stuff as fronts

- To get money, they dance competitively with their bodyguard and d8m8, the BFF (butch femme fatale) who identifies as a nb lesbian

- To get into any of the places where actual political dismantling and activism happens, who have to have very specific patterns on your nails - nail painting is a method of communication and is also a huge teambuilding exercise

- There are different codes for everything

- When cops try and get in (they can only find the places if they have a member of the Queer Folk), the code is “blue denim” and then the person caught tells the police they need nail polish and then laugh as they get caught, as if they were bullshitting the whole thing

- Other things are called “10:50 am” which looks like a sleepy eye

- Or “songbird rhapsody” which is also a popular song that the Celestian sings at clubs

- Or “money” which is just a green splotch on all the nails

- If you’re a member of the Queer Folk, you get a crate monthly of money and nail polish, and special things on birthdays and holidays

- The Queer Folk do everything from organize protests to take kids in and try to pay for their education through crime - as in robbery from different places

- Their crimes always have a certain flair to them - they value creativity and snazziness

- The Celestian is like 5’ 3” (which, to be fair, is 3 inches taller than I am) and the BFF picks them up a lot

- They don’t like alcohol or caffeine but drink herbal tea 24/7

- If they don’t, something is very, very wrong

- They have a prosthetic leg

Red

- Literally in high school

- A warlock! They traded their gender and all “gender identifying features” to a trans demon for magic powers

- The demon mostly asks them to get coffee and stuff because the demon isn’t very good at bargaining and just wanted Red’s gender, but it’s expected of a patron to keep using the warlock for things

- (on the demon phone) “hey so this is super duper important and if you could get it in the next half hour that’s the best thing”

“what is it”

“alright so go to the corner of Lincoln and Greenleaf, turn three times to your right, once to your left, and a door should open behind you. Don’t try to turn towards it, just fall backwards”

“if I fall onto poison ivy or concrete I’m breaking my fucking contract”

“No, no no no, you’ll appear in that good good heaven spot”

“… the coffee shop?”

- Red focuses on science in their school

- Every interaction is a deal. E V E R Y I N T E R A C T I O N

- Breakfast? “I’ll give you the salt if you hand over the pancakes”

- Entering a building? “Hold the door open and I’ll give you praise”

- School? “You want me to tell you what I do in my spare time? Give me an A on my midterm and I’ll tell you”

- The last one has left a lot of teachers confused and more than a little scared of the silly little nerd in their class

- Honestly, they have straight A’s because they make deal after deal about grades. They never cheat on tests, but they make deals, hold people to them, and know what they’re doing

- Red’s demon is getting a little worried with all the deals

- Red is most accustomed to deals rather than anything else because they think that unequal exchange (i.e., gifts) is really suspect

- That said, Red has no problems altering “equal” exchange to benefit them

- If they ever became a business owner, they would be terrifying

- They want everything to turn out the best it can for every one but… are not fans of laws

- They have many Opinions on law, its enforcement, and the government

- That cousin that will tell you constantly about how the government is corrupt and should be rebooted with the youngest people as the primary interest

- Anarchy? Not quite, but revolution? Most definitely

- No angst, just high school silliness and chaos

- Has no idea what’s going on 90% of the time - a kid on a sportsball team did something amazing, people started treating him like shit for adults liking him, and Red had no idea until like 3 months later

- Red just kinda lives in their head

- Did they hear what you just said? Nah, but they sure did hear that wristwatch every time it clicked on the second.

- Likes the sound of adventure, but mostly gets lost in Ikea and makes deals with the eldritch monsters in the mattress section

- SUCH A SHITTY SENSE OF DIRECTION, COULD GET LOST IN A GRID WITH MAPS AT EVERY INTERSECTION

- Charismatic, but mostly in the sense of lying their ass off and persuading people

- Once tried to go a day without making a deal (on a dare), ended by making a deal to not have to ever do that again

- Businesses both hate and love them - they pay for nothing but will bargain away odd things of equivalent value every time and catch shoplifters, dislikes shoplifters because it’s not a fair trade

- Bizarrely good luck with finding things in pockets, particularly to “pay” for things

[my-decade]

Some simple RFA headcanons

Jumin: -loves when his s/o wears red lipstick-not nearly as kinky as people think he is -has no idea what curly fries are -fave animal after cats are fish, which is why he has them in his house -when he’s super stressed you may catch him standing there staring at the fish with a dead look in his eyes -knows the sesame street theme song by heart (this one is kinda canon lol) -was deathly afraid of the character big bird as a toddler and would cry when he saw him, but grew out of it quickly -got teary eyed at mc and V’s wedding -once asked jaehee to bring him a popular flavor of donut so he could try it. when she put the glazed donut in his hand, he stared at it for about 20 seconds as it started to melt on his fingers before looking up at her and saying blankly, “It’s gross.” -but he secretly ate it later anyway out of pure curiosity  -doesn’t care much for TV but has somehow seen the fullmetal alchemist series and he actually really enjoyed it, but nobody knows this -Was once offered a laffy taffy at work, to which he replied, “No thank you. I must not laugh at work.” -he said this with an impassive face in attempt to make a joke. -it did not make his employee laugh. -likes pizza but has only tried the fancy, healthy gourmet version his chef makes for him -gets along surprisingly well with young children

Zen: -Loves playing with his s/o’s hair idly. like he’ll be turning a random lock of her hair in his fingers when they’re next to each other even though his own hair is long enough to do that  -is used to getting compliments so they don’t surprise him EXCEPT when his s/o compliments him, it still makes him blush because he knows she’s not saying it to suck up to him, it’s an honest compliment -has never been to the beach or seen the ocean in real life, but he thinks it would be a really romantic setting for a date -cried when his first child was born -is okay at cooking but TERRIBLE at baking even in a toaster oven he somehow always burns it -last one in the RFA to get married -he describes his eye color as “bright ruby” -loves watching plays as much as he loves acting in them, and has written drafts of plays of various genres and themes -loves Mexican food -has been cutting his own hair for 4 years now to save money -a big fan of Beyonce  -has seen Phantom of the Opera 7 times already and owns it on VHS

Jihyun: -can’t sleep in complete darkness, so he actually uses a night light -he used to visit the aquarium with jumin when they were kids -not too keen on PDA but he does have a habit of kissing mc’s hand in public and often holds her hand -doesn’t care for horror movies, but they don’t scare him either -loves rock music, and piano paired with electric guitar -is terrible at playing instruments -doesn’t like bell peppers -eats cheerios bc he thinks they really do help with cholesterol  -its really difficult to make him angry, and when he does get angry it can be hard to tell because his face will be really calm and he still might even be smiling -jumps a lil when he hears someone curse in public (LOL) -loves the desert and uses it as inspiration for his paintings a lot -can speak the most english out of everyone in the RFA except for Saeyoung, who knows 18 languages -was never called by his name (Jihyun) by anyone except MC, including Rika. -doesn’t know much about memes but he likes Kermit the frog -grows a lot of flowers, herb, and vegetables in a backyard garden, where he spends a lot of time in with a giant sun hat like a really cute old man -has that super beautiful, charming Chris Traeger-esque smile that can convince anyone to say agree with him, but this doesn’t work on the RFA since all the talking is done in chatrooms or the phone and they know him too well

Saeyoung: -scared of butterflies -Elizabeth 3rd actually REALLY likes him and Jumin lowkey hates it so much -tried to hold a seance for the internet famous cat Tama, a calico cat who worked as a station master at the Kishi station railroad in Japan before passing away -really good at diy, he and mc do a lot of random and possibly crazy science experiments in their house  -once pranked mc by acting upset and then telling her he was pregnant and she was the father, mc actually believed him for a solid 9 seconds -current password for his front door has to be spoken in an accent like Shrek -can dance perfectly the entire song “Catallena” by orange caramel -he and mc rarely fight but when they do disagree on something he’ll talk to her in another language just to get on her nerves. it makes her laugh but also stuns her bc it reminds her of how freaking smart he is bc he knows 18 diff languages -on the other hand when she’s mad at him she won’t call him Saeyoung, she’ll call him Luciel, and on the rare occasion where she’s really pissed at him, “Seven Zero Seven.” -Loves the song Rocketman by Elton John -forgets to take down holiday/seasonal decorations for months after the holiday has passed

Yoosung: -is actually really good at coming up with lyrics on the spot and rapping them to a beat -has a really tiny sneeze -has the prettiest eyes in the RFA -quit LOLOL for the most part, only plays it here and there when he has free time now -likes kpop, specifically 2ne1, and was disappointed when they were disbanded -he forgets that he’s not naturally blonde a lot -loves couple items and having matching clothes/items with his s/o. he really wants to do a whole matching coord one day -Took full responsibility for Rika after she was finally placed in a center to take care of her mental health, is really supportive and visits her whenever he can so she knows she’s not alone -somehow always manages to win at carnival games no matter how rigged they appear to be -Favorite superhero is Nightwing -wants to buy his s/o an engagement ring from Tiffany and Co. and is saving money for it -wanted to be a pilot as a child but gave up that dream when he was older because he was afraid of heights -has written a 42 chapter long fanfiction based on the world of LOLOL. His penname is not his real name, so no one knows he wrote it except for Seven, who never mentioned it out of kindness. The fanfic has over 2000 reviews and is known famously in the LOLOL fanbase for how well it was written -can’t handle the taste of coffee no matter how sweetened it is, it always still tastes bitter to him

Jaehee: -loves sushi -sometimes forgets that she doesn’t actually need glasses to see -the walls of her house are covered in post-it notes with reminders of stuff she needs to do, whether its for work or for personal -likes growing her hair out but it gets tangled really easily and has to be combed through at least once every day so she’s always cutting it a bit here and there -designed the uniform for her cafe herself -has low blood pressure -owns a lot of watches bc people constantly gift them to her -wears really low heel shoes bc she’s terrible at walking in them -Has a habit of sticking her pens behind her ear and then forgetting they’re there -doesn’t like pet names -Was never really good at art or very creative as a child and it effected her self-esteem -can’t draw anything more complicated than stick figures, but somehow is pretty good at latte art -the number one thing on her wish list is an ebook reader, and to have enough free time to read a book on it -played the flute well in high school but never really liked it -has seven alarms set up in her phone that go off everyday for different reasons -is the most fearless at catching bugs or spiders than anyone else in the RFA -doesn’t have a pet bc she’s afraid she wouldn’t have the time to care properly for it, but if she could have one she would like a snake, turtle or small reptile

[littledonkeyburrito]

It’s tequila and beer so I shouldn’t be surprised

1. Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I prefer trimmed. I don’t want to feel like I’m fucking a well-endowed 12 year old but I also don’t want to be yanking all his hair out when I’m giving a handjob. Tbh it’s not a strong preference though. He can do what he wants.

2. Do you prefer liquid, mousse or powder foundation? Why? Powder because it feels less gross. I don’t generally wear any makeup though

3. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Mum knows a very small amount, but more than Dad knows. She knows I’ve dated two guys, at least.

4. Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? Not my scene

5. Do you worry about gaining weight? I don’t.

6. Have you ever used fake tan? No. In fact, I get a little weirded out when I have a real tan because my hands don’t look like my hands

7. How do you organize your make-up? There isn’t much. Doesn’t really need organising

8. Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? No. Except maybe if I’m extremely drunk...

9. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? Apartment

10. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? I don’t know all of Barcelona’s festivities. Brisbane has the Ekka which is fun. Things I don’t like to participate in would probably be sporting events like marathons and such.

11. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? No.

12. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? A couple of Dad’s friends are slightly seedy but just in a regular old white dude way, not in a legit creepy way. They’re all fairly nice.

13. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? Yeah, Dad hates almost everything American.

14. What venue was the last real concert you went to at? Some showground in Madrid for a music festival.

15. Does your best friend and their mom have the same last name? Yes. Well, half. She has both parents’ last names.

16. What color is your cellphone? Black

17. Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From whom? Yes, I was supposed to get a call back from my health insurance company today. I’ll have to call them again tomorrow. At least I have a number to the english customer service line now.

18. Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? No

19. Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on? Occasionally eyes I guess

20. What are your plans for the rest of the week? Figuring out how to get my luggage to weigh less than when I came to this country so I don’t have to pay extra baggage fees.

21. How many studded belts do you own? None.

22. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever had braces? Don’t have a partner.

23. What have you eaten today?

 Spicy rice soup, tabooleh, a mandarin, some chocolate

24. What’s your favorite thing to do? The thing that comes to mind is having dinner or drinks with my friends, possibly because I haven’t been able to do that for a year.

25. Did you wear a jacket today? Yes, I wore my coat when I went out

26. Have you kissed more than two people of the same sex? Yeah.

27. How many times have you had sex in one day? Twice 

28. Did you exercise at all today? Not on purpose

29. Would you ever move far away for a job opportunity? That’s the plan. Once I’m back in Australia I’m going to be applying for jobs in Spain and Central America in my field and if I get offered something with a liveable salary then I’ll move.

30. Are you too shy/embarrassed to tell people your middle name? No

31. If not, what is it? No bc internet

32. What day of the week is garbage day on your street? Three times every day.

33. What is something new you learned today? That my grocery store sells pigs ears, and that the drink “desperados” does not taste good (it’s tequila and beer so I shouldn’t be surprised)

34. Do you need a haircut? Yes

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? If I try

36. When was the last time you ate popcorn? It’s been a while. I finally learned that popcorn is not worth the dry cracked lips and the kernel shells stuck in my teeth and gums for all eternity

37. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Cheap restaurants. The more expensive they get, the less I enjoy the atmosphere.

38. Is your name common? In Australia it is, but not in Spain.

39. Do you look older or younger than your actual age? Younger. I got asked ID the other day for the first time in like 6 months. And also a cab driver thought I was 16.

40. Were you ever a Pokemon fan? Yes

41. If you could get rid of one season, which one would you choose? Six

42. Have you ever performed in front of a large group? Yes

43. Are you hungry right now? No, I’ve eaten so much today

44. Have you ever had the chicken pox? My brother got the chicken pox during the school holidays with the whole fever, mild hallucinations, etc. So mum went and got me the vaccine (the last needle I was ever scared of bc in the end it wasn’t so bad). Then I got the spots start to show up and school had just started again so I got 4 days off school. We later found out that because of the needle I wasn’t contagious at all. I never had a fever or illness at all, just the itchy spots. My brother was pissed. 44. How often do you do laundry? About once a week.

45. Do you know anyone who snores? Both my parents, the last guy I slept with, this one guy I was friends with in school. Nobody else immediately comes to mind. 46. Would you make a good movie critic? No, I’m too nice. 47. What goal are you aiming for this year? Pay off debt and start saving again so I get the fuck out of Brisbane again within a year or two. 48. What’s the farthest you’ve walked? In one day? I think about 25-30km 49. What does your favorite shirt look like? I think my current fave would be my dark red tshirt with little white birds on it. I also like my denim button-up and my netflix tshirt 50. What made you feel most accomplished in you’re life so far? Being able to earn enough money in a job that I love to be able to move to Europe for a year after learning a whole new language. 51. What can’t you afford but wish you could? I can’t afford to stay in Spain :(

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: (I’m excluding group chats)

1.       Joh

2.       Me (had to write a number while on the phone and didn’t have a pen)

3.       Kym

4.       Emily

5.       Bronwyn

6.       Dad

7.       Aman

8.       Pegler

9.       Leisa

10.     Brenda

1. How long have you known 1? 4 years

2. When did you meet 2? At birth

3. When was the last time you saw 3? Yesterday

4. Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? No

5. How old is 5? 47

6. Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? Many, because I grew up in that house

7. Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? Lol, no.

8. Have you ever thought about going out with 8? No

9. What about 9? She’s my auntie

10. Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? No, she’s my dad’s friend

11. What’s the best memory you have had with 1? Too many to choose just one

12. What’s 2′s lastname? yeah nah

13. Would you ever take a bullet for 3? Probs not, soz

14. What would you do if 4 died? I'd be sad

15. What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? That would be horrible since we’re related to the same people

16. Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Yes

17. Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? Yeah... if it was the only way then I would

18. Has 8 ever cooked for you? We lived together for 3 years but I don’t think so..? Maybe we occasionally offered each other leftovers but we never specifically cooked for each other

19. How many times have you and 9 fought? Never in my memory

20. Have you and 10 ever cried together? No

21. Have you and 1 ever kissed? Lol yes every time we get drunk together

22. Do you ever dream of 2? Almost always

23. Is 3 a boy? No.

24. Does 4 have any kids? No

25. Do you want to marry 5? I do not want to marry my aunt 26. How did you meet 1? At an event we were both at and then we ran in the same circles 

27. What was your first impression of 2? I do not remember when I became self-aware 28. Would you ever date 3? No. She is my dad’s married friend with 3 kids 29. Are 4 and 5 friends? They have never met

30. Who is 6 going out with? Sharon, who he lives with 31. Is 7 a boy or girl? I feel weird calling him a “boy” because I used to sleep with him. He is a man. Aman, a man. A man called Aman. 32. What would you think if 8 became your stepbrother/sister? I don’t think either of his parents are a suitable match for my parents but he’d be a kickass brother 33. Is #9 a dork? No, not really

34. What is a random fact about #10? She’s Irish 35. Who does #1 have a crush on? Probably his boyfriend 36. Does #2 have any stalkers? No, I don’t 37. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? It would be very inappropriate and I would say that it makes me uncomfortable.

38. Is #4 hott? I’m sure her husband thinks so. She is pretty though. 39. Who is #5 best friends with? idk 40. Does #6 have good fashion sense? Not especially, but if he tried to dress young he’d look worse. What he wears works for him. 41. Is #7 single? I think so. If he’s not then I’d wonder why he’s messaging me and saying he wants to meet up when I’m back. 42. Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? God no

[nerdymedzebra]

Roundup of my mentions of EIAn

I'm seeing a new immunologist today, so I'm trying to prepare for the appointment. Especially since she seems to be one of the ones who barely "believes in" MCAS, and certainly not without high tryptase, which I've never tested above normal on before. But it seems like for some people she's still good at treating the symptoms, even if she calls it different things. So I'm trying to list out all my symptoms. But, naturally, my brain feels dead today, and it's hard to think of stuff. Therefore, I'm trying to gather things I've said about it online recently, and I figured I'd just do that here so that I wont lose it next time I need to reference this! Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis:

“ A year after my #MCAS diagnosis and a month after my long suspected Exercise Induced Anaphylaxis diagnosis, I finally got my first epi pens today. And about 7 years after I got my #VCD dx, I finally got a speech therapy referral! I spent most of this month in a terrible flare so I'll try whatever at this point. 😱 “

Facebook post in a Dysautonomia Group

(Oct 2019)

Does anyone know the WHY, biologically (not just "bc that's what dysautonomia does," but specifics!) that often when I stand up for too long, like today when shopping, instead of normal presyncope where the head symptoms predominate, I'll just start overheating, and then it feels like my post-eating reactions sometimes, where it'll feel like all my blood is rushing to my guts and they are liquifying most uncomfortably. When I sit down, it's significantly better.

I get the blood pooling in the legs, gravity and all, but why does it sometimes seem to pool in my guts just from being upright?!

This has happened ever since I can remember, in fact as a teen I associated it with libraries, as if go and stand around for ages looking at books, and would always get such angry guts. My lightheaded regular presyncope seems to have developed in my early 20s, but this one has been around a lot longer longer.

“ I got my free lifetime access pass to national parks system today! Such a great program! ❤️❤️I almost felt bad for it, as it's such a great deal, until a 3 minute walk on a path to a waterfall (that a 2 year old was walking himself), which has an accessible trail that was still in progress of being made, made my lungs burn to the point of almost throwing up. So, nm, I don't feel bad for getting a free pass to places I can really only enjoy via the car (which I can't even drive myself). But, I am very grateful for it! If you're an American who has a doctor sign off that you have a lifelong disability of any sort, you can get one of these! “

Exercise-Induced Anaphalaxis test.

(Mar 2019)

Ah, irony. Literally the first time IN MY LIFE I have done cardio and not reacted. ENTIRELY different from my cardiac exercise test last year where all the symptoms started up I started blacking out and it took 15 minutes to be able to leave the table  the tech dragged me onto when he had to pull me off the treadmill and not almost puke and over a half hour before I was able to leave the waiting room bc I was flat on the floor, legs up, trying to breath and not puke and get the rest of my body able to move again and perhaps be less tomato-red, sweaty, and scary looking.)

For the first time in my entire life, I did intense cardio (well, only for a minute or two), and didn't react (tho my lungs burned like a mfer and I was still coughing 15+ minutes later, which does always happen too, but none of the other things did, like tanking BP and skyrocketing HR, extreme gi upset, throat swelling, blacking out.. Not even Flushing which happens first and to an absurd degree (in gym classes my level of redness would always scare my gym teachers)

MCAS hates cleaning

(Feb 2019)

me: *cleans in a flurry of bodily movement* mast cells: ALERT! ALERT! IS THIS AN ALL OUT BODY INVASION THREATENING YOUR VERY LIFE??? ALL HANDS ON DECK!!! *releases like, all 200 mediators* me: um, no, it's okay, I'm just making the bed and tidying and taking out the trash???? This isn't even cardio!! I am literally barely doing more than just walking!! mast cells/body: *turns face tomato red and burns like i have a horrible fever* *circulatory system forgets how to push blood up against gravity* *heart flutters at full speed* *body overheats* *lungs burn, throat burns* *gets out of breath* *starts to sweat* *gets pre-pre-syncope-y* me: um okay fine. this is fine, sure. *has to sit every 3 minutes so it doesn't progress further (GI revolt & throat swelling would be up next)* *is unable to do all the things*😒😩

Exercise Induced Anaphalaxis during a super mild bike ride this morning. SIGH

(Dec 2018)

1.2 mile bike ride to the place where we've been dropping the mice we catch in our house reminded me that I'm still a total mess. By the time we got there I had just started coughing and feeling like my lungs were goopy (first step in my exercise-induced anaphalaxis when it's a slow-build)

We were there like 20 minutes, I thought I was mostly okay so we started on the .8mile ride to the coffee shop I'm currently at.... My eyes didn't register an incline in the street at all but my body sure AF did. Within 3 minutes my lungs were ON FIRE... I have a very visual brain and so I had this mental image of someone holding a lighter up to the cillia of my lungs and burning it all off. It hurt a lot. The coughing started again and my ..idk, neck area? got all tingly like it does before I throw up. Breathing was troublesome. I stopped and stood there and my face started feeling hot and sweaty.

I walked the bike slowly only a tiny distance to the top of the 'incline' and glided down, but then it got to a flat part again, and normally that would have been fine, but since my chemical soup hadn't settled down yet it just put me right back in it. We slowly cruised one block to the coffee shop and I was out of breath (it's not quite wheezing but it feels close, just without any wheezing sound) and it was all back with a vengeance.

Facebook Post

(Nov 2018)

Anyway, I'm tentatively excited about this. Because my #1 biggest problem with my MCAS is how severely my body reacts to even the smallest amount of cardio, as in it legit starts anaphalaxis RIGHT AWAY (I rode my bike on a not-even-noticable-unless-youre-me incline last weekend, I stopped several times (less than a mile distance!) and it still started!). The throat swelling in reaction to everyday triggers has mostly been controlled by my new MCAS med regiment (yay!) but it doesn't do anything for the exercise-induced anaphalaxis.

This weekend, though, I was actually reading up on what teeny tiny amount of research *has* been done on exercise-induced anaphalaxis so far, and the one and only treatment they've found that has worked (though not for everyone) has been cromolyn (and the other mcas med that starts with an O-- i forget the name). It is, interestingly, also a medicine that IS used for exercise-induced asthma as well, too (which is what i was diagnosed with starting in elementary school (and the inhalers were unsurprisingly useless) but then an asthma dr in my 20s said I didn't have it..).

But like, what if this works?? What if I can actually.. ride bikes? Go on an actual hike?? DANCE?? (I had to quit dance as a kid bc of health and that still makes me sad..) :-o :-o :-o

She said that a lot of her MCAS patients also have a huge reduction in brain fog with this, too. Not all, but many. Having consistently good brain days is even more unbelievable for me to even think about. But I sure as heck am crossing my fingers.

MCAS is also implicated in my dysautonomia (along with my neck/spine instability and squished spinal cord..), interstitial cystitis and other conditions (mast cells are all over and thus wreck havok all over) so.. who knows what all might get better!

Exercise-Induced Anaphalaxis

(Sep 2018)

Even as a kid, whenever I'd do gym class or try to do anything cardio-y, I would get TOMATO RED, itchy, sweat buckets, struggle to breathe because my throat felt so constricted, have an upset stomach, feel like I was about to pass out, and feel like death in general. As a kid I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. Inhalers never did anything though.