#god I’ve been terrible abt posting on here

[battii-art]

Cuddles after flyer derby practice

[ficcidio]

YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

pairing: fiancé!hyunjin x fem!reader

genre: comfort, fluff, a little suggestive in the end

warnings: insecurities, problems with food & feeling guilty after, swear words

a/n: hii, i’ve never written abt hyunjin so i hope i did well! i’m sorry i didn’t post in so long i’ve just been struggling a lot lately and i couldn’t find the energy + this was written at 1 am sorry if smth doesn’t make sense (not proofread yet) 😭 also please read the note at the end, it’s very important

ᯤ now playing: young and beautiful by lana del rey

— 시작

your body started panicking as you felt everyone’s eyes on you. you looked around the room, trying to figure out the reason. was it your makeup? or did you eat too much? your dress probably looked horrible on you too. it was all of them, maybe. you started to walk, looking for you fiancé, hyunjin, who was nowhere to be found. he had left you alone in the middle of the party with all those unknown people.

as you moved you heard a group of people calling your name “y/n! come here” “y/n, come talk with us” “y/n!” “y/n!” you tried to escape but suddenly one of your old friends caught your wrist and made you approve her and her husband.

“wow, you look really different” she said “did you gain weight?” she asked as if that wouldn’t hurt you “yeah, i guess…” you whispered trying not to cry. it was the third time they said this to you tonight and you were started to get anxious. why did they only look at your body? why couldn’t they talk about your success?

“oh, that’s good too eh! i didn’t mean it in a bad way” she tried to fix it, but you were already overthinking. you didn’t want her to pity you. “look, i really have to go, it was nice to see you, bye” you answered quickly as you ran away, trying to look for hyunjin.

when you finally found him, you sighed in relieve and ran to him. thank god he was alone, you wouldn’t be able to bear with any other comment about you. as you ran, he looked at you, confused by your worried eyes and desperate speed to get to him. “what’s wrong, my love?” he asked gently, trying to calm you down. he knew something was off as soon as he saw you. “let’s go home” you whispered as you clung onto him.

“why?” he waited for an answer but it didn’t come. you didn’t want to explain yet, because you knew if you talked, your eyes would fill up with tears and you’d start to cry desperately. “let’s just go, please, hyunjin” your cracked voice told him everything he needed to go home. that’s when he decided to say goodbye to some people near him and he ran with you to the car. he quickly started driving without any words.

you felt bad because you knew he was really excited to come to this party, and you made him go home for a stupid reason. it had been 10 minutes in the car and you were still far from home. the way he didn’t say a word made you feel terrible, was he angry? did he really get mad at you? it wasn’t your fault. or was it? did you exaggerate it too much?

“i’m sorry i ruined your night” you whispered, trying to stop yourself from breaking down in front of him. 

“ruin my night?” he asked gently, which surprised you “yeah-“ you tried to continue “you didn’t ruin my night, if you’re uncomfortable then i have to take care of you, and you didn’t seem very happy. it was getting boring, anyway.” he stated as be continued to drive. a single read fell down your cheek but you wiped it as soon as you noticed it. you couldn’t let him see you in that state. “thank you…”

you spent the rest of the drive home silent, and when you got to your place you ran to your bedroom as fast as you could, leaving him confused in the entrance, though he followed you seconds later. when you got to you room you almost immediately broke down, falling on the bed and letting your tears fall continuously without thinking that your boyfriend may hear you. you really didn’t want him to know, really, but you couldn’t help being loud while remembering all those things everyone said to you hours before. after all you went through, every meal you didn’t eat, every tear, every time you yelled at someone because they wanted you to eat, every time you fainted, all that for nothing at all? you suffered so much, you really thought you got better but they made it look as it was nothing with all the anger and sadness you felt with their comments.

you felt his hands grab your waist and try to turn you around for you to look at him, but you refused to let him see your red eyes. “baby, please talk to me” he said gently while he rubbed your back. you finally acceded, but you hid your face on the crook of his neck. “love…” he started, but he didn’t get to finish the sentence because you cut him off “why do they always have to comment on my body as if i don’t see myself in the mirror every fucking day” he separated you from his body so he could look at you. your eyes connected and his showed his worry and care.

“what did they say?” he asked as he brought to back into his chest. you didn’t answer, letting your sobs be heard “y/n, what did they say?” he questioned again, while he patted your hair “they said i looked worse, they said i gained weight…” you whispered with embarrassment “everyone’s eyes were on me, hyunjin, everyone was staring at how bad i looked” he was about to let his jaw fall to the floor but he stopped himself as it wasn’t what you needed right now. he was so shocked, because in his eyes you were more than beautiful. how could someone think that dress looked bad on you? god, he almost died when he saw you in that gorgeous black dress.

“bad? you looked stunning, y/n” he answered, speechless at how you talked about yourself “you’re saying that because–“ he cut you off as you did before “i’m saying that because that’s how it is, i’d say that if we were friends, strangers or even enemies, because you looked like a work of art. you always do.” he answered sweetly. your sobs where barely audible now as you has calmed yourself hearing his voice. now all that was left was your breathing. you looked at him with a smile, still with puffy eyes and hugged him again. “thank you…” you muttered “it’s fine, darling, you don’t have to thank me” hyunjin promised

“i was scared i would have to go through everything again” you justified yourself, but it wasn’t necessary now. “shh, you won’t, not as long as i’m here. don’t ever say that about yourself again, mhm, beautiful?” he kissed your forehead and continued “god, i don’t know how anyone could ever think that way about you, i almost couldn’t control myself when i saw you” he said, making you blush and you hit him lightly “shut up, dumbass” you said, still hiccuping from the intense crying but laughing, and he did the same.

he put you into the bed an caressed your hair until you felt tired and wanted to sleep. you had wasted too much energy already, you felt so exhausted. “princess, if someone every says anything like that to you again, tell me and i’ll make sure they never say that again” he whispered.

“i love you”

…

“i love you more.

—

A/N: hello so, i wanted to talk about the struggles with food as someone who’s had an eating disorder for six years. if any of you struggles with food, please look for help. remember that food helps us, without food we’d be dead. you need to eat, it’s necessary. please don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion, because they don’t know the real you, and they don’t know what’s really going on. to stop eating is bad in so many ways, your health will worsen, you as a person will change and you will lose people. i’m talking from experience, with my ed i lost a lot of friends, i fought with everyone and i was always in a bad mood.

throughout my life i have been judged by everyone because of my body and valued without thinking about my personality, my intelligence or my maturity. some people only care about your looks, that’s true, but you mustn’t be embarrassed for the body you have, because good people will know you’re worth much more than just what they see. you’re not your body, you’re your favorite song, your favorite film, that melody you sing in your head when you’re bored, you’re that quote in a book you once read and never forgot of. you’re that time you helped someone who needed it, that sunrise you once saw, your favorite clothes. you’re your favorite flavor, your favorite season, your favorite singer, your favorite color. you are what you like, not how you look like. so please, eat what you crave and don’t restrict any foods. i love you for who you are. and if you’re struggling, my dm’s are always open, don’t be scared to ask for help. i love you, unconditionally.

[dykevanny]

Do you have any hcs abt indigo and gregory post game you wanna share? I just think they're neat VHDHV

ohh big time. But before that I’ve gotta talk about how they met.

You see in a panicked state, knowing malhare would kick her to the arcade game, vanessa left a very ominous text to indigo stating that something terrible would happen and vanessa can’t stop it, bla bla bla. However it was indigo’s day off! In fact she was hanging out with louis and cat knitting strange contraptions, so indigo only saw it halfway through the night, and busted ass to get to the plex like ASAP however she was a bit late, and malhare was already in total control of Vanessa’s body. indigo spent a while looking around and eventually bumped into freddy! Great news! She goes up to greet him, asking what’s been going on and why the plex is suddenly crazy town, but then overhears… a small voice from inside his stomach hatch? so she meets gregory, who is intimidated at first because WHO is this whole other adult is she going to attempt murder on me too. Turns out no! This is freddy’s human BFF and she’s here to help! Indigo wants to keep this kid safe, but is very impressed at his apparent mastery over robotics. Gregory is still a bit wary but is willing to trust indigo.

postgame is. Well they all got out of the plex. Gregory and Ness enlisted Indigo’s help to modify a helpy doll for Freddy’s new portable body. Gregory and Indigo also work on stuff together, just making basic little robots since Greg shows a lot of interest and Indigo wants to help him learn about stuff he’s interested in :] they def got a lot closer. Doesn’t mean Greg isn’t above teasing her and ness though lol.

in fact they bully each other a lot<3 jokingly ofc but still

Indigo is also Cassie’s older cousin though. Post-elevator ending Gregory is going to have a lot of guilt over not being able to get Cassie out of there, oh god what happened the radio signal was hijacked, he doesn’t know if she’s even alive, aghhh. Indigo ofc doesn’t blame him though, she knows Gregory was Cassie’s best friend.

Also they both share a love for the color blue and i think gregory respects indigo’s dedication to the color a lot.

she def acts like a whimsical aunt to him i think. Sometimes picking him up from school if ness is busy, jokingly making fun of him a little, you know.

Also i think while indigo is fantastic with actually building machines and keeping them running coding isn’t really her strong suit, so. They can learn from each other :]

[walkman-cat]

i’ve gotta know abt ur little guy orpheus alabaster whats his deal,,, i keep seeing ur little doodles and tags and feeling curriiooooosiityyyyyyyy

HI PIP!!

orpheus alabaster my BOY !! he's so silly <3 (also this is going to be a LONGGG post so it's under a cut) (he's my little guy i've got a lot to say about him)

He's like the city equivalent of a world-famous detective (one half of a detective agency working out of the attic of a curiosity/antique shop in the oldest part of the city)– he's a household name, and is known for taking on pretty much every case that he comes across (except, curiously, the biggest unsolved mystery the city has ever seen). Basically, Orph is the detective of the gentleman thief-detective dynamic and the watsonian narrator-detective dynamic (i love detectives <3)

He's observant, and will not rest until he's solved the case (to his detriment), and would risk his life if it meant saving the lives of others (to his detriment). He's got a terrible memory (so he writes everything down in one of his numerous notebooks) and he's not great with people (he's trying, somewhat. Cecil's usually the one who talks to clients). He's always down to work around the law/the watch (the city's law enforcement). He's very nosy (Cecil also is, they're perfect for each other).

He's also basically all those memes that are like "kinda gay to be a detective [etc etc]". While his partner (Cecil– they started the detective agency together!) has been pining over him since pretty much when they met (6 years before the story starts), Orpheus fell much harder and discovered this in the past year (he's having a Great Time. demiromantic king !!). They're so silly and devoted to each other (they call each other "Mr. Alabaster" and "Mr. Meyers" theyre sickening) and it's a whole Thing.

Also! Orph's the new incarnation of the forgotten/illegal/dead god of deceit and dreams (he's a detective and also the patron god of thieves and liars wbwbwb– this amuses me greatly). He's got a complicated relationship with his identity and personhood (which may have something to do with him taking on faces and personas at the drop of a hat) and isn't quite sure if he counts as something alive anymore.

Also to do with the fact that he's a kinda-not-really dead god, Orpheus isn't quite alive; he's a believable fascimile of something living, but he doesn't bleed when cut, he's cold to the touch, and sometimes Cecil can swear that he isn't breathing. He died not too long before he arrived in the city (and has the ligature marks on his neck to prove it) and came back, but even though he'd love to have come back wrong he came back exactly the same as he was before.

Here are some extra/funky facts about Orph:

he plays the piano!! he doesn't do it often for reasons he's never told Cecil but he's very good at it and has played for him in the past

he wanted to be a poet when he was younger, and still sometimes jots lines down in between all his other notes

his hands are perpetually inkstained, his fingertips are nearly all blackened from ink

the only times he's been truly excited for his clientele to be some of the city's richest are for hermes vetch heists. they're also the only times he's happy to have not solved the case (he's got a soft spot for the thief and misses him greatly)(he keeps reminiscing about heists to kit's face without knowing kit is hermes vetch and it's so funny to me)

he's mixed race (this isnt very important story wise, but it's important to me (also mixed race)) (so's kit)

he's non-binary!! (he/him enby times!!)

he's also a trans allegory for reasons i will not go into (they contain secretsssss)

he wouldn't like to say he has a favourite method of murder, but it's poisons. he likes to have an excuse to infodump and show off his knowledge of poisons

he probably would look real nice if he put any effort in to how he looks. he doesn't, so he looks like if a cat got drenched then blow-dried and rolled in ink

he hates having anything touching his neck, especially if they're wrapped around his neck. he will suffer and be cold if he has to be

the only times he'd overcome his need to put others before himself is when cecil (and to an extent kit/hermes vetch) is in danger (they're his best friends !!)

he often stares unblinkingly when thinking. it's a wee bit intimidating

his family is basically just matchsticks kelly (the guy who owns the antique shop who took him in), and cecil (later it'll also include kit), he doesn't talk about his family

he's known about cecil's sleeping habits and tendency to clamber over the rooftops for 6 years and still gets jumpscared by him clambering into his window in the dead of night

[ticklishfiend]

hhh. ok so i’m talking to this guy. we’re dating we just don’t have labels to it yet. anyways um. he knows abt the tickling thing. and jesus CHRIST does he love to exploit it.

he just left my house and hhfhsjfjsk i’m still buzzing thinking abt it. he was being so gentle and it was SO BAD like i was giggling so hard i couldn’t even look at him and he kept making fun of me for being so flusteredfhjs i was speechless, literally. he found these nasty awful horrendous spots under my arm/where my boob meets my collarbone holy SHITT it tickles so bad i was squealing into my pillow, and this spot where my butt meets my thigh makes me scream and kick it’s terrible, also under my knees and thighs always has an always will be killer but FUCK this guy is a Literal Wrestler like that’s his sport so he got me in this fucking locked position where i couldn’t move my arm OR my leg and just went ham behind my knee and thigh i thought i was gonna giggle my head off it was miserably wonderful, also who knew my belly was so fucking bad??? like light scribbles and squeezes and pokes do me IN man like i was just gripping that man’s wrist and belly laughing cause it was like all i could Do. he kept laughing at me and calling me cute i thought i was going to actually combust. oh my god jsut remembered the other day in his car he made me hold my hands up and grip the head of the seat and keep my eyes fucking CLOSED bc he said he didn’t want me to know where he was gonna tickle next so the “anticipation could make it worse” 😭 FUCK GOD it was so bad cause the anticipation DID make it worse i was squirming so much and he was barely touching meehfksjf besides throwing occasional squeezes and pokes he was just fucking. scribbling and grazing me and i was squeaking and squirming like my life depending on it, but damn it i kept my arms up (for the most part..armpits are death) cause i’m a committed bitch!! but uh yeah i have many more tickle stories and many more are to come i’m sure bc i don’t plan on leaving him anytime soon and this boys wrapped around my finger rn LOL

so yea if u wanna here more lmk <3 sorry i’ve been insanely inactive, it’s funny i actually have lots of unfinished wips i just don’t know what to do with them. very well might just dump post a bunch of my wips cause they still contain tickling, just not a finished plot lol

[mango-ribs]

Howdy Howdy, let me help your boredom a bit friend, I was doing a "like this post and I'll send you an ask" but didn't go through all the question ideas yet. SOOOOOOO, let me find my post-it notes... Ah, here...since you did say you like world building in your main post, I HAVE to ask. What's your favorite world that you've built? What were some of the characters in it? What were things like? Fantasy? Sci-Fi? Etc? If you can't pick a favorite tell me the one that you threw the most effort into. (Bonus Question: If I remember correctly, I saw you made a post a while ago of making a normal guy and then completely ruining him? Are you still working on that because it sounded tight!) AND have a swelltastic day, friendo!

Hi there!! :D

That is.. an AMAZING question, I don’t even know how to really answer without something that’s 204840495 miles long complete with annotations and my whole life story, but I’ll do my best! :)

My favorite world I’ve made, hmmm… I suppose I can split that into categories. One being the one I spent the most time on, one I indulge most in, one that brings me the most comfort and one that I simply enjoy the most.

Btw in each section I’ll state the name of the universe/whatever I call the world/storyline, so feel free to ask questions abt them ,,,

Here we gooo!

‘Spent most time on?’

I usually spend a couple months each on every world I make, but the longest running one I still indulge in today is probably The Misfits Universe, which I spent a total of 8 years working on, and recently ended a 5 year long roleplay in.

It’s a very special universe to me I don’t tell many people about actually, it started completely by accident where I met some friendly people on a roblox game called Misfits High and we started roleplaying normally. What started as us just doing random rp’s with characters we made up on the spot every week or so grew into a daily thing for years, expanding characters and the lore and it just became so beautiful.

It’s very very loose in plot as there are like a million different characters, what we sort of did instead of making a solid storyline we had a bunch of characters and simply roleplayed their storylines within the universe. It’s what I do with a lot of worlds actually, I find it a lot more freeing! But yeah, it’s set in an alternate reality where humans and monsters are separated from one another under the rule of a clan of gods. The characters are centered around a haunted old town that used to be human only until it was infected with a special virus and yadayadayada, it’s too much to explain LOL

It’s gotten to the point where I can tell you the creation of the universe and it’s dimensions as a whole but it has a LOOOOT of plot holes due to us making it when were so young. I’m so sad to see it go but I think it’s time I finally lay it to rest, it’s no longer interesting and has so many terrible memories attached to the past. I intend to keep using some of the characters I got from it :)

‘Most indulgent?’

That one is pretty hard to answer as lately I’ve been much more indulgent in my worlds rather than focusing on strict rules. Sort of just letting myself fuck around and do whatever I want. But my most indulgent probably has to be Kongoiro Universe, it’s essentially a universe where everything is sort of utopia like.

It’s where I sorta just dump everything I daydream about that doesn’t take place in another specific universe. It’s a place I can escape to, and pretend I live in a world where struggles are temporary. But otherwise it’s kinda boring..

‘Most comfort?’

Oooof this is a hard one. I rarely make non-comforting/angsty universes anymore for personal reasons (though soon I really wanna get back at it,) but the most comforting one I have is probablyyyy…. Magic In Threes.

Magic in Threes is a series-type thing I have in my head inspired by Chonny Jash’s songs! (hes absolutely amazing, creates covers of tally hall and changes the lyrics and god it’s amazing.) it is about a character nicknamed Soul, who are followed by incarnations of his suffering. Dark, a massive demon, represents the darkness: Depression, the mind, the past, Soul’s anger, etc. Light, an angelic being, represents the light: Hope, trickery, the heart, impulsiveness, and the future. Just because Light represents hope does not mean he is good. Both attempt to guide Soul through life and the infinite labyrinth that is his mindpalace, and overcome the struggles of living with trauma.

And I’m kinda projecting—

‘Enjoy the most?’

I don’t really know if I have one I enjoy the most, each one has their own things that make me like them and dislike them. Though one that is up there is definitely Lucraca, my take of a cyberpunk post-apocalyptic dystopia where humans have been long dead and the world is now controlled by robots (mostly object-heads.)

I have so much fun coming up with different concepts for it, it’s a wee bit cliche but its my world and I decide the dystopia Goddammit!!!! there are also a lot of AUs but they’re extremely fucked up and I won’t be getting into them rn LOL

But uH yeah,,, thank you for listening to my ramble and asking such a great question, this made me super happy!! If you guys want you can ask questions abt my universes, currently I believe I have around 71 documented and like a million more brewing up in my head. also yes I did hit the Funny Number.

*vine boom*

[hiding-in-my-blanket-fort]

hey, i was just going through your cptsd tag and seeing other ppl who have been through the same helps me feel less alone and i stumbled onto your post abt.. wanting a supportive community, and i just want to give you a million hugs cause i still dream of something like that but reading the terrible "friends" you've had to make do with... you deserved so much better, truly. and i hope you find a good friend someday, someone who will appreciate your time and your sweet gifts (writing a whole book for your best friend is such a SWEET thing to do let me tell you i would've devoured the book in a day and any good friend would do the same and i'm just so so sorry that anyone could be that callous in the face of such a token of love.) i hope this doesn't come across as a weird message becz i really just wanted send you some love and yes. godd you deserve better and i hope you know that and i hope you get that someday soon ❤

Are you an actual honest-to-god angel, dear anon???? I’ve re-read your message countless times since I found it in my inbox this morning and it blows me away every time!!

First, I just want to say I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through some tough shit to put you in the CPTSD tag to begin with. The effects of CPTSD are so insidious that it can be really hard to recognize what’s happening, let alone living with it every minute of the day. You are not alone at all and there are many people who are seeking healing and looking to create a healthy, positive, supportive environment after what they’ve endured. Even though I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this, it’s also a relief that you’re taking the steps to educate yourself, to connect with other people who understand what you’ve been through. Educating yourself and finding understanding the way you are now is the key to liberating yourself and building a better life. 💜

Second, that is quite possibly THE KINDEST thing I’ve ever heard in my life!! 💜 It’s not weird AT ALL. It’s incredibly validating and I think what you’ve done in your message - recognizing the pain someone has been through and wishing them better (without the toxic positivity of, “Oh, just try harder, you’ll find someone! You’ll see!” - that can really, truly go a long, long way to providing closure and healing for people.

(On top of that, my mind is totally boggled that you read my whole rambling vent post, let alone took the time to write such a thoughtful message! 😭)

In all honesty, I’ve reached a point where I’m learning that being without friends is okay. I was steeped in co-dependency growing up, catering to my mother’s every need. It’s good for me to not focus on someone else’s needs instead of my own. Sure, I’d like a supportive community, but I think a supportive community is actually more rare than simply going out and finding one like so many people make it out to be. I think it’s just as valuable to learn to walk away from toxic individuals and be alone, rather than forcing yourself to fit. Yeah, it’s a painful lesson, but I’d rather learn how to be alone rather than staying with those toxic “friends” and enduring that shitty treatment out of fear of being friendless.

Of course it would be fun to have someone to do things with. It’s hard to hear people talk about doing things with their “besties” like road trips or going to the movies as if it’s a totally common experience when I can’t relate at all.

But I’ve been hiking solo a lot lately and it has been so, so peaceful to be on the trail alone, with the rain in the leaves and the mist rolling in. I live for little pockets of peace like that, where all the stress melts from your body and there’s this calm that settles over you like everything is okay, right here, right now.

I’ve always felt so confused and scattered around people, scrambling to interpret social cues, hating cliques, feeling like the odd one out all the time, etc. I’m developing a newfound appreciation for solitude and how much value it has to offer.

In regards to the book, I have a happy note about that! Last year, I decided to go all-in and follow my dream of being a self published author. After only a year of writing full-time, I have a decent following of readers who love my books now. They’re not friends of course but it’s really incredible to see random strangers eagerly grab anything I write. I don’t have to beg them to read my stuff. I’ve even had a few readers contact me via email to tell me how much they liked my book (which blew my MIND).

For the people who didn’t appreciate what I had to offer, there are other people who will. And I don’t have to “try harder to make it work” the way my mother always insisted I needed to do. I think this is a part of my life where I’m learning that I don’t have to chase people and I’m practicing walking away from those who tear me down.

I hope you find some peace of your own, dear anon, on your journey of healing through CPTSD. Thank you so, so much for your kind, thoughtful words and I’m sending you a giant bear hug in return! 💜

[pbpsbff]

okay this is so random but i was thinking about the r&r au right? and i was wondering,

before the whole world ending and what not was tony famous? ( did stark industries exist? ) and i vaguely recall a mention of the compound (?) is that playing a role in the au?

+ do they have a goal? asides from surviving, are they planning on going somewhere? trying to get somewhere or find someone?

IM ONLY ASKING BECAUSE IM SCARED IM MISSING SOMETHING, if anything i’ve asked hasn’t been revealed yet or isn’t written then disregard this, i was overthinking and scared and thinking a little bit too much abt the au ☹️ i just get excited.

oh god you're making me think this is terrible (joke) honest to god everything i write exists in a vacuum in my mind so sometimes ideas aren't fully fleshed out so bear with me LOL

ok so in my mind i've had it set that tony was just like. a mechanic or something (and maybe his parents were still rich by other means? so like tony was well off but still had a job n all that) i do have plans for a "peter begins" type fic centered on tony&rhodey (maybe them individually?? idk) before/at the beginning of the apocalypse

as for the compound part it was DEFINITELY poor wording on my part but i was leaning toward more like military compound (is base the word i'm looking for??? should i edit my fics???) down in virginia or somewhere virginia adjacent idk i write my fics with a fuck it we ball mindset and if something is wrong it stays wrong until i'm like oh fuck

with what i have posted so far, their main goal has just been survive, BUT i do have a wip that'll explain why they head west (at least i think it makes sense. maybe i'm just trying to get them to the west coast because that's where i live and i am so unfamiliar with everything east of the dakotas)

but yeahhhhhhh LOL i don't think you've missed anything (if you have i have probably also missed it. we out here) but i'm glad you're enjoying the series!!!!! it makes me happy to hear that something i've written is thought provoking even if i don't have all the answers

[frownyalfred]

abt ur Judaism post! what do u think abt how superman was created by jewish men and influenced by jewish figures (like Moses) and elements? is it cool, weird, good, lacking or anything? would u like it to be more apparent with how they write him?

Hey Anon!

Great question. I’ve had a few posts about this in the past, and for some reason it rubs some people the wrong way, which I don’t really get. 

My opinion (just mine) on Superman’s Jewish Origins:

If you dig a little deeper, almost everything integral to Superman’s character (which I’ll share later) reflects Jewish concepts of justice, refugee status, persecution, and assimilation. 

Personally, I think as long as folks remember that background, and respect it, Superman’s character can continue to evolve and change. The exception to this (for me) was Snyder’s Jesus-heavy motifs of Clark/Superman in BVS, which, as you mentioned, could have easily been subbed with Moses elements. 

The story of Jewish persecution is, in many ways, completely separate from Jesus. It happened long before he was even around. But that can be tough to convey to audiences that don’t know the Jewish history behind Superman’s origins, and indeed see the white/Christian characterization of Clark as an “all American” hero and don’t think much beyond it. 

So -- what about Superman is actually Jewish, or Jewish-inspired? 

The answer is, surprisingly, a lot. I skimmed a few articles to refresh my memory on this, so here’s a few examples:

Kal-El’s origin on Krypton -- a failing planet about to explode -- and his hurried flight by parents desperately trying to save him from death, and staying behind themselves as he’s sent to earth, is a direct reference to the common Jewish story of flight at the beginning of the 20th century. 

Superman’s creators were the children of Jewish immigrants. More specifically, the children of Jewish immigrants fleeing 1930′s Europe and its impending destruction. Sound familiar?

In the Holocaust, many Jewish families would have to make the terrible decision to smuggle their children out of ghettos or camps and into other countries, while they remained behind. 

Clark’s characterization is influenced heavily by his lost connection to Krypton, his parents, and his powers. This longing is in conflict to the happy, simple life he leads in Kansas. 

Jewish immigrants fleeing persecution, as well as their American children, often felt like they were living “in two worlds”. Tradition warred with assimilation, or the need to hide and stay safe, and Jewish Americans growing up in this period often didn’t know where they belonged. 

Clark often faces villains or forces that make him choose between his Kryptonian heritage, and his life on Earth. 

Often, this forces a comparison between Superman and Moses, as well -- an important Jewish figure who was also cast out by Jewish parents into gentile hands for his own safety, who grew up and discovered his Jewish community was at war with the adoptive life he had lived. 

Kal-El, Jor-El, etc

In the Torah, or the scrolls which contain the original Old Testament, the Hebrew suffix “el” means “of God.” It denotes angels (Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, etc) as well as other biblical names.

Kal-El would mean “voice of God”

Jor-El would mean “God will uplift” or the “uplifting of God”

Superman as a modern “Golem”

Though not directly referenced, many have drawn connections between Clark’s ability to turn into Superman, a defender of the weak and purveyor of Justice, as an allusion to the Jewish concept of a Golem. 

A Golem is a magical clay figure that can be brought to life by a Hebrew scroll placed into its mouth. Historically, it is said to protect the Jewish community, those battling antisemitism, and those who are powerless. 

This connection is bolstered by one of superman’s creators losing his father to a shooting in New York as a child, and feeling powerless against such injustice. 

So, why is an immigrant story of assimilation inherently Jewish? 

Another great question. Isn’t the immigrant story of seeking refuge in an unfamiliar world universal, in many ways? 

Yes, it definitely can be. But I would make the argument that Superman’s creators, the context of 1930′s Europe, and the Jewish concepts of justice (and naming) woven into Superman’s characterization indicate that this story is inherently about the Jewish experience. 

As a final point, I would bring up the devastation that the Holocaust had on the Jewish global population. Just like Krypton, much of the historical culture, traditions, and treasures were destroyed. Jews are a minority in the world, and their numbers continue to dwindle every year. Clark is, in many ways, one of the last Kryptonians, if not the very last. 

This story, even subtly woven into a comic series, resonates with me and many other Jews. It acknowledges the missing branches in our family trees, the forgotten traditions, and the pain of continuing those in a smaller and smaller community of fellow Jews every year. 

[steve-keychain]

this is a pointless post. you have been warned. 

i just got invited to a euphoria themed Party tomorrow which means its finally my chance to hoe out a little but now i have to figure out what to wear and speed write chapter 10 and this is actually SO GOOD bc i’ve had such terrible writers block all week on account of my life going to shit last weekend (im good just healing from the shit u dont talk about u know) so now it just has to GO so i have time to pick a fucking outfit out and i should also mention this is a Necessary Social Event bc the last and ONLY time i have been to this persons house i chugged a four loko and almost died on halloween it was so embarrassing so anyways hot girls drink a tasteful two and a half white claws ONLY. 

OH but layer 2 of this situation is that when I did my yearly tarot reads (i did a spread for each month) it said in february that on the 18th a friend will make a bad decision and i need to be careful of SNAKES so like DAMN. THIS IS REALLY. A EUPHORIA THEMED PARTY.  also today i saw my soulmate at 8am and they were in short shorts rollerblading at high speed in the bike lane, carrying a tiny ass cold brew coffee. the roller blades were neon orange- i feel this may be an important detail.  anyways sorry this is chaos i dont talk abt my life life on here all that often no need to even look at this too hard i’m just Nervous now im literally the human personification of a clown mixed with a perpetually anxious chihuahua. i do NOT get out much good fucking god

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

if you have any behind-the-scenes takes about the nature has taught fic you wanted to talk abt I would be absolutely /thrilled/ to hear them!

Soooo many oh my gosh. 

1) In the first iteration of this story, Danny wasn’t nearly as involved as he is now. I sort of used Mike Crew as a convenient reckless boy baby jail for the first draft, because he wasn’t as developed a personality in my mind. Then, he appeared in a different story idea of mine, affectionately dubbed the Himbois AU, and I ended up developing him extensively there and transplanted a slightly different version of him into this story and his role expanded as a result. 

2) Probably the only reason why I kept developing Danny and decided to post this story at all is because I told my Himbois AU to my friend (the one I made mad with last chapter), and she loved it (and Danny in particular), and I kept telling other stories to her, and it made me happy that she liked it and I got to thinking about posting something. Usually I just develop them a lot in my head, write maybe a couple chapters, and then after that the Hyperfixation Bounces To A New Story. The first chapter for nhthcth has been sitting in my Google drive since pre-Covid. So like, she’s the real reason why this fic is out right now. 

3) She calls herself the absentee father of this fic, because she has no idea what’s happening and has no part in the actual writing of it (though she did help me make kid!jon more child-like, and she takes full credit for that), but sometimes she stands in the metaphorical doorway and says “are you winning son.”  If you leave a comment on a fic there is an extremely high chance I will immediately be texting her about it, we think y’all are hilarious and great and are utterly obsessed with everything y’all say

4) Jon’s personality in this is mostly me foraging around in canon looking for spare parts before I forcibly weld them to other bits of him from canon and drizzle in parts I think would result from the backstory I’ve built. Like, the skepticism from Season 1 had to go, this has been his entire life and there’s no benefit in denying it. And like, he’s been the person going to the Magnus Institute for help. He never forgot how afraid he was and how badly he just wanted a single person to help, and no one did.. He’s not going to approach Statement givers the way he did in Season 1. I also had to scrap Season 2, because It’s Not Paranoia If They’re Really Out To Get You And You’re Existentially Exhausted So Why Bother Being Paranoid About It. I ended up grabbing a lot of Season 4, late stage Am-I-A-Muppet-Or-Am-I-A-Man considerations and massive guilt complex, as well as his general Bitch Settings and his genuine desire to help people, to the point where he doesn’t consider his own safety or even like. Plan. At all.  

5) I have a lot of “versions” of Jon based on the fic I’m working on, and this Jon is by far my favorite. He has very consciously decided to make his mindset “God has decided to let me live another day and I’m about to make it everybody’s problem” and I think that’s great for him.

6) The Leitner (a Spiral one that I made up) that they used against Nan didn’t make her forget it, per se. The line about it all being a bad dream soon was very literal. You believe whatever lie someone told you about what happened, it twists into the truth, so you can’t quite explain why you have such terrible nightmares about it going differently. Nan knows Jon ran away, she talked to all those--police officers, were they? So she can’t quite explain why her dreams are filled with fog, and emptiness, and that horrible man leading her grandson away by the arm. It felt way too exposition-y and out of character to have Wright explain that to Jon, so that didn’t go in, but that’s what happened there. 

7) When Jon was Even Younger and Even More Bitter he used to fill out a damage to company property report every time he got hurt and Elias had to yell at him for three months to get him to stop

8) There wasn’t a good scene for this, but Jon dumped all of Mike’s moisturizer when no one was looking because he will singlehandedly stop Danny Stoker’s skin care regime even if Mike kills him over it  

9) There are fun fonts on my original google doc that only my friend gets to see because I can’t figure out how the coding in AO3 works.

Okay, this got long. I’ll stop here. Thank you for reading and for asking!!

[darcyesque]

Supernatural Season 4 Review/Thoughts

Season 4, hoo boy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: y'all, I've been getting through like 4 episodes a night,,, is that normal?

Things I liked:

the (I feel) very deliberate lack of much sound at the beginning of 4x01 felt very nice and consistent with the end of 3x16 and very very beginning of 4x01

cas's entrance was very much hyped up and very much lived up to that hype

new ruby?? i think I love her??

i think overall, the concept of these episodes are getting better and better plotwise?

in 4x21 When the Levee Breaks, the use of young Sam was HEARTBREAKINGLY AMAZING

I LOVED the obvious differences between Cas and Jimmy, so impressed with Misha

Ruby's villain speech? Impeccable

Things I didn't like:

lololo the Sam drinking demon blood scenes are so hard to watch,,,

ok. Dean says this thing in 4x13 After School special where he's like "wowo 3 of the cheerleaders are legal!" and it really made me uncomfy bc I feel like we've kind of moved away a lil from that being his main character trait..idk

the whole chuck being the supernatural author thing,, getting bad vibes from it

so 4x21 and 4x22 where Dean/hallucination Dean was calling Sam a monster and sounding like J*hn, it hurt me. like STOP BRINGING HIM UP!

On the Head of a Pin was kind of gore-y and not my style, also I don't like Alistair's accent

Other Thoughts:

4x06 Yellow Fever I thought was really interesting how one of them was directly affected by the thing that they were hunting

Anna? very very interesting

jkdasl;jfdks there's a scene where Dean calls Sam a knowitall but when Sam goes "what" Dean just goes "what" back and it's SO GOOD

It's a Terrible Life kind of supports my thesis: Sam is sort of the smartest character in Supernatural :/

the ghostfacers guys are back! i love them!

omg 4x20 The Rapture was INSANE, I had no idea what I was in for with that one,,(abt to make a post, I'll link it here in a min)

oh MY GOD did they think that 4x14 Sex and Violence made Dean look straight?? NO SIR! HILARIOUS

Adam?? what?? so confused??

a lot of the stuff in When the Levee Breaks with Sam's withdrawal kind of hit hard since I'm trying to stop SHing, and Jared really portrayed it well

Favorite Episodes: Lazarus Rising, It's a Terrible Life, The Rapture

Least Favorite Episodes: Metamorphosis, Criss Angel is a Douche Bag, On the Head of a Pin

Episodes I Cried At: Lazarus Rising, Wishful Thinking, Heaven and Hell, Jump the Shark, When the Levee Breaks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

if you'd like me to tag you in next post, just let me know!

@nebica and @ethosien !

[angeltrapz]

hhmmmmvnfj asks abt Lawrence? umm in a selfship way: what’s ur favorite gift he’s gotten u? — in a character analysis way, bcuz I’ve posted a lil abt it n u mentioned it in DMs too: if William had survived, bc Lawrence was handling new disciples at that time (like Brad n Ryan), how do u think Lawrence n William would’ve interacted? (esp bc we know William was at least vaguely aware of who Lawrence was pre-trap bc of their connections to John)

dfhskj thank u!!! finally getting 2 this

okay fr the selfship part: mentioned it a little bit when replying 2 the other ask u sent, but it’s a worry stone made out of rhodonite (which looks a lil like this), bc he knows how interested I am in gems + rocks n stuff like that but also bc he wanted me to have smth to fidget with in case I forgot my lil lanyard of rolling beads when we went somewhere! it’s smth I just run my thumb along bc it’s smooth n soft n fits perfectly in the palm of my hand. a lot of times if I’m in an uncomfortable situation I can’t get out of, having that w me helps a lot bc it’s grounding n it reminds me of him 💞💞

fr the character analysis part: KJSKFS YEAH I love getting 2 talk abt that bc I actually think abt it quite a bit. as u said, William and Lawrence have always been vaguely aware of each other on account of being connected thru their interactions w John, the doctor who he felt wasn’t kind/sympathetic enough n the insurance agent who denied his (EXTREMELY experimental, mind u) foreign treatment request. I’m not sure that they ever interacted face-to-face PRIOR to John’s death, but after William survives his test it’s just kinda like... who else does he have 2 talk to that might be able to understand even the tiniest bit what he went thru? he loves Pamela to pieces, of course he does, she’s his only family - but she didn’t see what he’d had to do, doesn’t rly KNOW like Lawrence would.

but I still think he’d absolutely be Cautious, bc even w the desire to be understood n maybe even have someone he could confide in, William knows now that Lawrence has been helping John for quite some time - as we see in 3D and as u said, Lawrence is the one handling new disciples, something that only John ever did; Amanda didn’t have her own apprentices, n Hoffman sure as hell didn’t either. that, n William doesn’t know how much involvement, if any, Lawrence had w his own test - that’s smth that wld haunt him a lil, I think. it’s hard to be comfortable around a person who is not only directly involved w the person who felt it necessary to put u in a trap, but who Also may have been the one to put fucking explosive bracelets/anklets n tattoos on u + SEWN A KEY inside of u, which is INCREDIBLY violating of his bodily autonomy. that could warrant a whole discussion of its own tbh.

but. Lawrence is the closest John ever got 2 having a TRUE successor (which I have conflicting feelings on; my reading of Lawrence in SAW 2004 was not someone who wld have joined up w someone who caused him so much pain, but fr the sake of exploring this, I think tht after going thru something as horribly traumatizing and irreversibly changing as he did, he sought that life of control n routine that he felt he had prior to his game, and well, John could certainly provide that,,,) n William would likely know this. Amanda’s dead, Logan is off doing who knows what n living his life, Hoffman is only doing it out of a weird sense of obligation?, and Jill isn’t rly a disciple, just some1 who’s been dragged into it too. (I think William n Jill actually would’ve gotten along tbh,, it’s a different thing entirely whether William would WANT to interact w her.)

I think Lawrence wld want to be able to reassure William that he had no hand in what happened to him (I don’t even know if Lawrence is the one who fitted the bracelets/did the key?), but he like. wouldn’t even know where 2 begin bc how can he explain that in a way that William could ever rely on? how could he ever convince William that he truly wasn’t responsible when all the other man wld have 2 do is look at all of th ppl he assisted John in securing/operating on? Hoffman was the one who put William in his trap, but Lawrence doesn’t know he’ll ever b able 2 prove that in a way William can believe. n I don’t think he’d expect William to believe him, not at all, but I think Lawrence at that point truly doesn’t have anyone - he and Alison are divorced and she has Diana, Adam isn’t around obviously, John + Amanda are gone, Hoffman doesn’t know he exists, so who does he have? I think he longs fr that sort of connection, even if it Is forged thru smth as terrible as what they were both individually put thru by John - they have tht common ground of being involved in his diagnosis + the way he responded to them (petty fucking grievances... kramer I will literally knock yr teeth in u fucker) n being ppl he considered partially responsible fr his downfall in a way (Lawrence wasn’t “kind enough,” William said no to a highly expensive and experimental international treatment that they weren’t even sure wld WORK). and like, not necessarily 2 the same extent, but they were both physically altered by what they went thru. Lawrence is missing his foot. William has scars + tattoos that he could get covered up, sure, but the experience isn’t going away. the scar on his side where the key was hidden is never going away. Lawrence’s prosthetic is functioning but the fact that he cut his fucking foot off isn’t going away. n that’s not even TOUCHING the lasting mental effects.

so I think William wld be feeling rly lost. he just doesn’t know what to do. he doesn’t know if he can even go back to the life he led b4 (if he does, it’s not for a very long time) n he has a hard time looking Pamela in the eye bc he feels personally responsible fr her having been there too + bc of what he’d been made to do to so many ppl. he feels alone, much more than he ever has before, n that’s saying smth bc his personal life was already extremely solitary bc he felt it was safer for him + his career. no one could possibly understand what he went thru, bc nobody saw it. nobody saw the way he tried so hard to keep every1 alive, the way he tried to help the people he worked with + CARED FOR even if he had 2 put himself thru pain to do it (holding onto those pulleys until his shoulders were almost DISLOCATED fr Addy n Allen, burning himself w the steam so Debbie could get thru the maze, the entirety of the shotgun carousel). Tara + Brent didn’t see him sacrifice himself fr his coworkers, n neither did Pamela. nobody knows. William wants some1 to connect with, n that just doesn’t seem like a possibility given that what he went thru in there is knowledge that only he himself + Hoffman carry.

but Lawrence knows. he understands n he's the one 2 kinda make that offer, to just be like “u don’t have 2 trust me right now, or even ever, but I understand n if u want some1 2 talk to, I’m here.” bc what does he have to lose? Adam is gone. Alison n Diana are gone. he’s by himself. and so is William, though he has Pamela. they’re both men who went thru smth unspeakably terrible bc a dying man wanted 2 play god n they came out of it much worse off than they ever were b4 John “helped” them. n William is just like. how much worse could it get? after Jigsaw, what could possibly be worse than what he’s already gone thru? so he’s just kind of like, “okay, we can work this out, I can’t say I trust u right now but maybe I can in the future. we can do this together. we can help each other.” n that’s how they end up meeting for coffee or breakfast/lunch/dinner every so often (coffee meets are at least weekly), n it’s just kind of like. the reassurance that some1 has seen the very worst parts of u and are still around. the relief of knowing someone sees u and knows how hard yr fighting to rebuild a life that’s been shattered into a million tiny pieces. n they’re struggling against that current together, and maybe it starts in a place of “I have no one else so I might as well chill w u,” but eventually William and Lawrence kind of fall into this uneasy friendship. they’re there for each other. William calls Lawrence when he has a nightmare that keeps him up fr hours after, shaking n w his heart beating out of his chest bc he doesn’t want to remember. Lawrence spends th night at William’s place every now n then bc he can’t be alone w his thoughts n the phantom pain in his leg just won’t quiet. they meet for coffee. they have breakfast sometimes. Lawrence has clothes n a toothbrush at William’s and vice versa. they’re in this together.

n maybe that escalates into more (which I believe wld only happen after they get 2 a point where they’ve discussed, at length, John’s legacy n who exactly would be continuing it + if anyone WLD be, n after Hoffman is “disposed of” in a sense), but even if not, they both know they Have Someone who looks at them n doesn’t see them as a monster, not the horrible person John thought he needed to “fix.” they both carry scars, both physically n mentally, frm what they went thru. they’re both struggling to get their bearings + Lawrence is still coping w what he’ll need to do after John’s (and eventually, Jill’s) passing. it won’t be easy, but they’re not walking alone. they’re wading thru the mud together, hand in hand, and fr William n Lawrence, that is enough.

[kjack89]

@avisalix replied to your post “Is it too soon/insensitive to write an E/R self-quarantining together...”

I'm in quarantine and would so love to read it, I've got so much time on my hand... I don't think it's unsensitive. We in Italy are making so many memes abt it to ease the stress of being stuck at home for weeks, having some good fic about the very thing we're living could only be a good thing, I can't wait to read it if you decide to write it!

There were lots of replies encouraging me to go for a COVID-19 tangential fic, but one from someone actually in quarantine convinced me. And in honor of that, and as something to hopefully tide @avisalix over until I can actually write this thing for real...

“Uh-oh,” Combeferre said, and Courfeyrac’s head snapped up.

“You saying ‘uh-oh’ is like someone else panicking,” he said suspiciously. “What’s going on?”

Combeferre sighed and turned his laptop around to show Courfeyrac the email he’d been reading. “A panelist at the conference Enjolras just got back from tested positive for COVID-19.” Courfeyrac looked blankly at him and Combeferre rolled his eyes. “The coronavirus,” he said patiently, and when Courfeyrac’s expression didn’t change, he added, “You know, the pandemic currently sweeping the world?”

Courfeyrac scowled. “I’m aware of what COVID-19 is,” he said icily. “I was waiting for you to get to the point of why I should care about a random conference attendee.”

“You should care because Enjolras sat on a panel with this person,” Combeferre said. “Meaning he’s been exposed. Meaning—”

“Meaning he has to self-quarantine,” Courfeyrac said, looking torn between horror and excitement. “Oh my God, Enjolras alone, with only Twitter as his source to the outside world? That is truly one of my worst nightmares.”

“And yet you sound almost...gleeful,” Combeferre said.

Courfeyrac grinned. “Well, sure. If it’s my worst nightmare, imagine what it’s going to be like for the alt-right trolls on Twitter.”

Combeferre rolled his eyes. “Anyway,” he said pointedly, “we need to let Enjolras know, and we need to know who else he’s come in contact with so that they can be alerted to self-quarantine as well.”

Courfeyrac snorted. “He’s been home for eighteen hours and hasn’t even seen you and I yet. Who the hell could he have come in contact with?” Combeferre just shrugged, already dialing Enjolras’s number on his cellphone, and Courfeyrac sighed. “At least put it on speaker,” he complained. “I want to hear Enjolras’s reaction.”

“You are a terrible friend,” Combeferre informed him, even as he put his phone on speaker.

“Hello?” Enjolras said, sounding tired, and Combeferre winced.

“Hey,” he said, glancing at Courfeyrac. “We, uh, we have some news.” He quickly ran through the email he’d received, and after a particularly colorful round of expletives from Enjolras, Combeferre cleared his throat. “One other thing – have you been in contact with anyone since you got home? We need to let them know.”

Enjolras paused. “Um, actually...” he started, trailing off with a rather awkward pause. 

Combeferre and Courfeyrac exchanged startled glances. “Who could you possibly have seen?” Courfeyrac demanded.

“Am I on speakerphone?” Enjolras asked.

Combeferre and Courfeyrac ignored him. “If you’ve been in contact with someone, you’ll need to let them know,” Combeferre told him, while Courfeyrac complained, “You’ve been home twelve hours and you saw someone before seeing us?”

Enjolras cleared his throat. “Informing him won’t be a problem,” he said stiffly. “He’s still here.”

“Still there?” Combeferre repeated, confused, but Courfeyrac just smiled. Smirked, really, the wide smirk of a man who knew exactly what was going on.

“You have a gentleman caller over, don’t you?” he practically crowed, and Combeferre looked up at him startled. Enjolras’s silence was deafening, and Courfeyrac’s grin widened. “You dog. What’d you do, pick someone up at the airport?”

“More accurately, he picked me up from the airport,” Enjolras muttered.

Combeferre frowned. “Wasn’t Grantaire going to pick you up from the airport?”

There was another long pause, but this time, Combeferre realized what was happening before Courfeyrac did, all of the blood draining from his face. “Oh, God,” he said.

“Anyway, I’ll tell him and keep you posted on any symptoms,” Enjolras said hastily. “Talk to you later.”

He hung up and Courfeyrac looked at Combeferre, confused. “What?” he asked. “I don’t get it.”

Combeferre sighed and looked up toward the ceiling as if praying for strength. “Grantaire picked Enjolras up from the airport,” he said, and Coufeyrac scowled.

“That I got,” he said.

“And he hasn’t left since.”

Realization dawned on Courfeyrac’s face, his eyes widening. “Oh my God,” he breathed. “Enjolras and Grantaire are sleeping together?!” Combeferre just shrugged helplessly and Courfeyrac’s smile faded almost as quickly as it had appeared. “Oh my God,” he repeated. “They’re going to kill each other.”

[bronanlynch]

weekly (monthly?) media roundup

ok so I do want to actually do these on some sort of schedule but unfortunately, as you already know, brains,

listening: Malice in Wonderland by Fangbanger, which I found from a tumblr post that described them as band for “if you have a complicated relationship with gender, had a falling out with god, hate the government, or just think that vampires are neat" and y’know? yeah. my notes on this song from several weeks ago are that I might not know any of these people’s genders but I do know they’ve listened to MCR

reading: the new Cassandra Clare book, Chain of Iron. it’s boring and homophobic. in the first book of this series, we find out that the heroine’s brother is gay and in a relationship with a man who has no intention of ever coming out publicly because 1) the book is set in 1903 in England, it was literally illegal and 2) he’s trying to have a career in politics. the heroine decides that this means he’s ashamed of her brother and doesn’t deserve him, and she is present and active in their breakup conversation.

above is the relationship chart I made from the first book, it really hasn’t changed much except now the main guy and the main girl are married, the lesbians got back together and then broke up again, the main girl’s gay brother hooked up with one of her husband’s friend, who’s a Good Gay and therefore worthy of love unlike the Bad Gay ex who is constantly mocked by just about every character for. checks notes. caring about appearances and manners given that his life and career are based on those things. the brother and his new love interest break up because the brother still thinks he’s a bad person for ever having dated his ex. also the main girl has now platonically run off to Paris with her husband’s platonic soulmate who is allegedly in love with her but it’s really unconvincing that he’s not actually in love with her husband (he’s not for very stupid lore reasons, the whole ‘parabatai are magically prevented from being romantically in love, except for these two straight people, when historically parabatai pairs were two men’ makes my fucking blood boil)

you might ask why I still read these books even though they make me angry and the answer is the 1) the aesthetic slaps 2) some of the characters are fun 3) the premise has enough potential that it could be good if it was good 4) sometimes I need to get cathartically angry abt bad fiction bc it just. does not matter

watching: so many things that I’m gonna just. run through them real quick

Word of Honor: gestures vaguely at how it’s slowly taking over my blog

Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty: love a found family, eh about the politics, can’t believe I predictably got a new fave character within the last two episodes of the show because one of the main characters is betrayed by his second-in-command and I think treason is the sexiest part of a relationship

SamBucky show: in the original draft of this post I said that it was so boring that week (episode 3) that I completely forgot about it until I saw the draft below this one talking about how bad and boring it is. at least more happened in later episodes and they’re finally giving me some tasty queerbaiting but the premise and the politics are. wow. it sure is military propaganda

My Hero Academia: new season is fun, love a tournament arc. don’t love that they tell us right away that the double agent character is a double agent, it was more fun in the manga when you’re not sure if he’s a traitor or not for a pretty long time

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun: new season is cute, there sure is some gender happening. there’s a tsundere bisexual catgirl

Backflip!!: I usually avoid high school sports anime for backstory reasons but my roommate wanted to watch it with me and oh boy these gymnasts sure are gay for each other huh

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood: my roommate pitched this to me as ‘cyberpunk but in the 1930s’ and there sure is dark lighting, lots of glowy neon stuff, and government oppression, which are the most important elements of cyberpunk apparently. not sure how I feel about it yet, because there’s a cool shapeshifting lady assassin with a revenge quest but there’s also a trans character who was revealed to be trans in a way that I personally did not enjoy. yes you can have transphobic villains but like. hmm. maybe the audience shouldn’t find out that someone is trans because the villain cuts his shirt away specifically to ~put him in his place. or maybe I personally am just sensitive to that but either way no thank you

on the other hand, the main character is sick as shit

The World Ends with You: god I love an anime about the power of friendship. I’ve only had these kids for two episodes and I would lay down my life for them

Nirvana in Fire: we’re only three episodes in and I did spend the first half of the first ep being like. oh god which of these people are actually important who am I supposed to care about here. and then by the end of the first ep I knew which ones I cared about and am now very afraid for their safety. do love the political intrigue though

playing: got through the first mission of Brigmore Witches. I love a good undercover mission, I wish I hadn’t been too afraid of like. alarms going off if I freed the other prisoners because I think Comrade Daud should do a jailbreak, and Lizzy Stride can call me anytime

also recently have played various ttrpgs including Firebrands, more Things, Eldritch and Terrifying, Link, and of course more Beam Saber (oh shit I meant to do my recap post for last session OOPS)

making: Zan and I made some real good chicken parm the other night, vaguely based on this recipe. by which I mean, we looked at the recipe to see how many eggs to use and how long to cook it and pretty much nothing else. the egg marinade step seemed unnecessary and I made the sauce the way I always make tomato sauce, which some day I should write down because it does in fact fuck. the secret is a shit-ton of oregano and basil and no chunks of tomato because fuck that. bad texture

Zan made the zucchini which also slapped, using some of the leftover bread crumbs

writing: I’ve posted a couple of things but most recently I wrote some rarepair femslash. this is the first fic for this ship on ao3 and the second ship in the f/f tag for this fandom that’s actually about the women in the show (as opposed to showing up in the f/f tag because it’s marked as “multi” or like. genderbent versions of the main m/m ship) but like. look at them. they’re terrible evil assassin women and they’re in love. anyway I’ve gotten over being embarrassed about having written a sex scene and moved on to wanting people to read my fic. there’s sparring as foreplay it’s a good time

[leotssukinaga]

Oikawa and Mattsun Fluff HCS

Anon requested:  hiii! can i request fluffy hcs for the seijoh third years? (if all 4 of them is too much u can pick the ones u wanna do) A/N: seijoh’s third years do be hitting different tho. we all know I'm soft for iwa but I chose not to include him n makki for no reason other than I've been up for 23 hours and I didn't have the energy to write more than 2 ppl rn >_< i’ll probably write those two when I wake up tho (also: pls forgive any mistakes im sleep deprived ill proof read this again when im awake and fluent in english again) (also also: lmk if u wanna read the love letter mattsun got bc i did actually write it and if theres interest ill post it kdjsd)

Oikawa:

you'd think Tōru would expect confessions by now, right? and yea he does but NOT FROM HIS FUCKIN CRUSH

he doesn't know what to do and you've never seen him lose his composure like this

you expected him to give you some cheery apology and send you on your way not take 89 days to respond and refuse to make eye contact

so when he FINALLY gets out that he likes you, too, and he never expected that you'd like him back you're over the moon.

well, your first reaction is that he better not be fucking with you

but he assures you that iwa would likely kill him for playing a prank like that

*fraggle voice* whoopee!! you have a Boyfriend now

this boy is soft for u and u only

honestly? he'd probably stop flirting w the fangirls unless u told him not to

bc he loves you and he never wants to make you feel insecure

if you told him not to stop he'd still keep it to a minimum

a playful wink here and there but in conversation? not so much

"So oikawa, a new coffee shop opened in town and I was thi-"

"Really? I'll have to take Y/N there this weekend. Thanks for telling me!"

If he was worried abt how they'd treat you, he probably wouldn't drop your name. He'd still talk about you though, he'd just call you "my s/o" and so on so forth

for the first few months of ur relationship at least you guys keep it on the down low

not that he wants to!! boy is clingy he wants to be holding your hand 24/7 but he cares about you and he knows his fans would eat you for breakfast if they knew

and he wants to spend as much time dating you without people getting in the way as he can

so for the first few months only iwa knows

but if you can hold your own against them then after a while he'll be bolder and more open abt being w u and eventually, everyone will know

and if you'd rather keep it quiet still, he respects that. hell blow your phone tf up tho if he can't be with you physically he's gonna text u non stop

you wake up every day not to a good morning text but to 6 or 7 YouTube links to videos about aliens

and you're just like "morning babe. wanna tell me what time you went to sleep last night?" and he will avoid that question like the plague

he's terrible. you love him

depending on your tolerance, you probably join forces w iwa

bc you love Tōru!! he is however annoying as fuck sometimes and iwa is good at helping you deal w him when he's being Oikawa

but God, you wouldn't change him for the world

you're lucky to have him, and you tell him that every day

Mattsun:

mattsun was a little surprised when you confessed to him, actually

he'd known you for a little while, though not too well

well enough to develop a Historic crush on you, though

when you started showing up to practice games he assumed you were there for oikawa

sad boymattsun hours initiated

iwa gets the brunt of people talking to him just to get close to oikawa but mattsun and makki experience it somewhat too and he thinks that's what ur friendship is

so when you corner him after a practice game with red cheeks and an envelope he assumes it's for oikawa

but you thrust it into his hands and beg him not to read it until he gets home and apologise for your handwriting (which he's seriously gonna ask you about because you have lovely writing??? please write him letters.)

and he's like? is it really for me??

AND IT FUCKIN IS

and it's long and rambly and all over the place because that's you

and he wants to frame it and put it on his bedside table.

you wrote him a love letter.

you called him an asshole in it.

he really, really wants to kiss you

he writes you a letter in return.

you borderline cry reading it and immediately text him (letter writing takes too damn long)

new quest: dating mattsun

quest objectives: find mattsun. go on a date with mattsun. kiss mattsun (eventually)

(no I can't stop with the game references)

by God are you guys cute

mattsun is an amazing bf

suuuper good listener and really good at telling when somethings wrong

and he gives the warmest hugs

you want mattsuns arms around you 24/7

when you've had a bad day and you meet up w him after practice and he hugs you it's like everything melts away

he’ll whisper to you while you hug

telling you how much you mean to him and kissing just underneath your ear

speaking of kissing his kisses are just *chefs kiss*

your first kiss wouldn't have been out of place in a romance movie (more on that later)

but honestly, every kiss from him feels like there should be some big swell of music that matches the way it makes your heart swell

he's soft with it, cupping your face gently, making eye contact as he leans in

deep kisses that last for minutes, but they're never forceful, there's no fire behind them (unless you want there to be... but these are sfw so)

he just. wants to be close to you, wants to show you how much he adores you

he'll pull back barely an inch, whispering something sweet, pecking your lips at least 3 more times before he pulls away completely

always leave you wanting more 😔

back to romance movies: you have so many romcom moments w this boy

they're not planned or anything he's just Like That

will 100% drop the umbrella and pull you into the street to dance in the rain

and pick you up if you need him to, even if you're fighting

doesn't seem like he'd be too big on pda but honestly?

mattsun fuckin worships the ground you walk on

so if you want pda you get it

mattsun: i dont like pda

mattsun the second he sees you: i have to kiss them right now immediately or I'll DIE

this boy reveres you

love him!!! I am begging u