#god is this the first post in her tag?? obviously people need to send me more asks about her lmfao

[damnation-if]

Lithiana can sit in my demon's face 😍

i'm sure she'll be very happy for you to deliver on that offer, anon 😏 she might even reciprocate...

(glad you're enjoying the game!!)

[ctrsara]

Things I've Been Reading

Some of these are newer, some are older and I just barely read them. This is not EVERYTHING I've been reading and liking, obviously, but just a quick share!

(Also, if you know these authors are on Tumblr, but they're not tagged, please let me know, or let them know or something, so I can be friends with them and tag them!) (RECS below cut)

Iron Dad: Coming Home by JAWorley:

This is one I didn't try a few times because I didn't think I was interested in Peter hanging out with Toomes. However, I'm so glad I finally tried it, because it was fantastic, and a really different take on the whole Homecoming era. Published:2023-01-02Completed:2023-02-26Words:114889

Shake My Hand (And I'll Forgive You): by Frogdottir: @frogdottirwrites

Post NWH, Peter has been doing work for the Bugle, trying to stay afloat, and suddenly discovers Tony is alive. However, it seems like even before everyone had forgotten him, everyone close to Tony had been aware of it except him. He is hurt and angry and freaks out just a little bit. Incomplete, but 13 chapters so far, and so good! Published:2022-12-20Updated:2023-03-03Words:40572

Atlas Held by Grumperella: @grumperella

After an explosion brings down a building on top of them, Peter is the only thing between Tony, Natasha and certain death. Trapped under rubble together, well... nothing builds bonds like shared trauma. This one was super angsty, but so, so, good! Published:2023-01-07Completed:2023-01-08Words:8401

Distracted By a Dime by happyaspie: @yes-i-am-happyaspie

This is an older story, but I just barely read it, and she's been adding to the series lately. :) Peter Parker thinks he has everything figured out. Where he can eat, sleep and make a little bit of money. What he needs to do in order to continue attending Midtown and being Spider-Man. The Stark-Rogers family throws a wrench in his plans.

Tis the Damn Season (for a Christmas Miracle) by peacockgirl

Yes, peacockgirl really did write an AU of her own story (Long Story Short (It Was a Bad Time) Or AIs Don't Forget,) which is one of my favorites, and it's amazing, too. Highly recommend! Morgan just wants her big brother to come home for Christmas. Tony just wants to figure out why being around his daughter is sending him into a tailspin. And Peter just wants to survive his first Christmas alone without freezing to death in a graveyard. Luckily Morgan Stark is very, very stubborn. And immune to Strange's spell. Published:2023-01-31Completed:2023-02-27Words:23468

Oxygen and Gravity by for_the_night: @imyoursavinggrace (also, btw, people who have different tumblr names and ao3 names make me think I'm going senile. I have the hardest time remembering who is who sometimes!😂 )

A really cool Irondad soulmates AU (Sentinels and Guides) that I just re-read and loved again. It's not complete, but close. n a world where Senintels and Guides are dying out, Guide Tony Stark was very happy just living life without the responsibility of some Sentinel, but when one touch awakens a soul bond with a scrawny vigilante from Queens, Tony’s life changes forever. Published:2021-11-15Updated:2022-06-24Words:28459

A Big Security Issue by FotiBrit: @fotibrit

Short, cute, and amazing! When Peter lost his Stark Industries Staff ID, Tony handed the kid his own. That was never an issue, until Peter had to check in at the front desk. Published:2023-02-01Words:1828

Make it a Good One! by zippe

This one was kind of a unique fix-it/time travel that I found looking through the @irondad-creator-awards categories, so here's another plug for those! Tony and his mess of a fairy god spider who can’t seem to keep himself moving correctly along the timeline. Published:2022-05-08Completed:2022-07-08Words:31435

Where the Love Is by SpaceCowboysFromMars: @spacecowboysfrommars

This one was super different and interesting, and I kinda wish it could have continued. I've never seen the movie, so it was a new story for me. The Way Way Back AU where Peter is reluctantly dragged by May and her new asshole boyfriend, Quentin, to spend the summer in Cape Cod. Summer gets a whole lot more interesting when Peter makes friends with the eccentric manager of Water Wizz, who seems to take a liking to Peter in all his teenage-awkwardness glory. Published:2023-01-12Words:12948

In a Different Light by kingdomfaraway: @asyouleft

An amazing short one! Peter is taken, and Tony finally uses the phone Steve sent him. He needs help, even if it means making night with his former friends and teammates.

And a bonus:

home (is where my heart found exactly where I'm supposed to be) by ironfidus @ironfidus

Another one I found looking through the Irondad Creator Awards categories. So, so sweet and hit all the irondad feels I wanted on that particular day! Six thousand miles away from the city that never sleeps, across continents and on the other side of the North Pacific Ocean, Tony relearns the meaning of home—as redefined in his eyes by a stubborn teenager with a penchant for recklessness.

[lollytea]

Hunter foolishly being worried how willow n dariuses relationship will play out ( sińce they destroyed his ship n he scared her n teammates)

but gosh HE WAS SO WRONG they become besties n obviously both treasure him dearly but sometimes he cannot wrap his head around over their banter/inside jokes. He s glad tho

Also i d love to have Hunter go for advice what prezent to give to willow (he somewhat knows just needs to put his ideas in order) and it ends up with darius picking out the sweater/jacket/dress n Hunter sewing patches/adding on personal details

Hdhdhd adore them being pentagram buddies imagine it starting as missclick on willows part n sending him a dumb meme but they keep chatting from time to time

//you will be the end of me lolly im supposed to be responsible not looking thru your huntlow tag/lh also happy lolly tagged her posts everyone 🎉/lhj

THEYRE SO FUNNY

Like Darius and Willow's relationship is definitely tumultuous and antagonistic and this initially had Hunter very nervous. He had to attempt to be the mediator when the two are about to go at it like feral cats. He's in the middle like "Okay, okay, okay, okay. How about we all just relax?" Only to eventually realize that he does NOT have the social skills to curb whatever the fuck is happening here. If his girlfriend wants to scalp his weekend father, she is far too stubborn to be talked out of it and vice versa. So he has accepted that this is just how its gonna be.

But its so strange because while they bicker constantly, they also seem to have this overly familiar relationship that Hunter doesn't quite understand. He honestly feels pretty locked out of the loop whenever hes with the two but he isn't so much upset by that as he is INSANELY CONFUSED. Like??? What the fuck is going on??? Usually when the three of them are together, Hunter is occupying all his brain power to figure out what the FUCK these two are talking about.

Willow: Boscha keeps vagueing about me on her fensta and it's honestly kinda funny.

Darius: Uck. Well don't just tell me about it. Show me the screenshots. I need to see how petty she's acting.

Hunter: Whats "vagueing"? What's "fensta"? What's a "screenshot"? Why can't you people just use real words?!

Willow: Oh honey, I'm sorry. Well "vagueing" means--

Darius: Google it, gramps.

Willow: Be nice to him.

Hunter: Yeah, be nice to me.

Darius: I am! I just helpfully suggested a place to find answers!

And its shit like. Hunter will show up at Willow's doorstep for a date and just as he's about to knock on the door, Darius will swing it open and stride past him.

Hunter: Darius?!

Darius: Hunter.

Hunter: Wh-you-I-....why were you just in Willow's house?

Darius: Because she's hopeless, that's why. The little purple haired girl is busy today and she needed someone to set her on the right path. Wanted to impress you. Isn't that so very cute? Hair, make-up, outfit, etectera. Of course she didn't care about my plans for the day. Just demanded I get my butt over here and be her little fairy godmother. Real bossy, that girl.

Hunter: Wh--

Darius: Anyway, I did a fantastic job obviously. You're welcome. *Winks and struts away before Hunter can get another word in*

And yes. Yes absolutely. Willow's sixteenth birthday rolls around and Hunter panics big time. Because not only is this her first birthday that he gets to celebrate with her, it's her first birthday he spends as her boyfriend. He knows he wants to patch up a whole dress but it's simply the matter of picking out a dress. And god, if there's one thing Hunter doesn't know shit about, it's fashion.

I feel like, while Hunter is still new to this whole tailoring hobby, Darius is a pro and can probably make some excellent quality clothing. So he makes Willow a dress himself. Hunter helps to the best of his ability.

Hunter: Sorry I think we're just gonna have to buy one. I don't....know her exact measurements.

Darius: That's fine. I do.

Hunter: What?

Darius: I've resized plenty of clothes for her before. That reminds me, I need to teach you to do that. She's only gonna get buffer after all.

Darius makes Hunter promise to not tell Willow who made the dress. ("We can't have her incorrectly assuming I like her.") But Hunter is a SHIT liar so he's just very awkwardly explaining how he just happened to stumble upon it at the market and thought "huh. That would look nice on Willow. Haha....ha."

And of course Willow knows the patches are Hunter's handiwork. But when it comes to the dress itself....

"Wow. It fits me perfectly. It flatters me perfectly. It's my exact style. The colour matches my skin tone. It's...like it was made for me. What a coincidence, huh?"

And Hunter, sweating absolute bullets is like "HAHAH. Yeah. Coincidences are crazy, right?"

Willow decides to let Darius get away with this one. For now. She'll put it in the pocket of her beautifully crafted dress (he put POCKETS in it, holy shit!!!) and use it as leverage once the opportunity arises.

[sebdoeswords]

So I follow you because I stumbled on your Witcher fic on AO3. But the tags on the "unskippable cutscene" post got me curious. What are your headcanons on the Plague Tale games?

God, you've really gone and done it now

Idk if you've played the second game, so if you haven't uhhhh don't read this? idk, suit yourself, I'm gonna share one headcanon that isn't too spoilery (meaning it's from the middle of the game and not the end)

So my headcanon is that before Arnaud was a knight, he was a sailor. I think this is pretty much confirmed by various things, some in the context of the game, others outside of it.

[Edit: I have had to reformat this post because apparently on dash if you click expand on a long post it automatically opens a read more, so I'm moving the read more up here for spoiler reasons. It's not what I'd like, but oh well.]

Firstly, my in-game evidence

Hugo and Amicia go through the game telling multiple people about the island they're searching for, but no one can ever pinpoint it from the description they give. Then at the beginning of chapter 7, we learn that Arnaud knows not only exactly what island they're looking for, he knows its name and location (as evidenced by the fact he tells Amicia it's a "ten mile fucking swim" from where they are).

Now, how did he learn about La Cuna? How did he learn the siblings were looking for it? Surely not from Hugo at the end of chapter 6, because that was a very time sensitive situation, as Amicia was about to be eaten by rats. And besides, at that point, Arnaud had already hunted them down again, but obviously had no longer any intentions of killing Amicia, since he stepped up to Hugo instead of just watching her be eaten from afar.

This means that he knew about the island before he made his deal with Hugo. So my guess is that it has to do with why he was looking for Vaudin in chapter 2 (a question i've seen pop up multiple times online). It's never exactly specified whether the Count was affiliated with the order (or if it was I missed it in the chaos that was the last third of the game), but I don't think it's a coincidence that he moved to the very place where the macula originated. SO I think that Arnaud was looking for Vaudin to trace Victor through the order. Obviously Amicia got there first (probably leading Arnaud to believe she works with the order, fuelling his disdain for her), but what if Arnaud eventually made it into Vaudin's lab? What if he saw the mural of La Cuna and recognised it? And how would he recognise it from just a picture? That's right, by being familiar with the mediterranean sea.

Another piece of evidence is that he knows a lot about ships. In Chapter 7, when the siblings crest the hill and overlook the sea, Arnaud comes up from behind them and tells them about Sophia's ship. A discreet, fast ship. I don't know about you, but I don't think I could tell whether a ship is fast just from looking at it. Discreet, maybe, but not fast.

We know from Arnaud that Sophia owes him for not killing her when he was ordered to. And wouldn't you agree that it would be pretty idiotic to send footmen to deal with smugglers in their sailing ships? You need sailors for that. Preferably soldiers who were once sailors, so they can both capture the smugglers' ship and do away with the smugglers themselves.

And then, once they get to the ship, Sophia trusts Arnaud to get the ship ready to set sail. And when the anchor gets stuck, he knows right away that it was blocked. He doesn't think it might have caught on something, he knows its blocked, probably from experience and the way it feels. Then, when it comes to hoisting the sail, he knows right away which ropes to pull, and he says he'll "take port-side". If he didn't know about ships, he would hardly know that term - I sure don't.

Later, during an optional scene at the beginning of chapter 8, Sophia says she needs a hand because "the sail's pulling port side", so Arnaud takes charge and tells Amicia to pull the rope on the other side, and that he'll give her some slack on his. Again, he knows which ropes to pull and how to fix Sophia's problem, and she doesn't feel the need to instruct the two on what to do. The same thing happens again in chapter 14, as well.

This man knows what he's doing. Clearly he has sailing experience.

Now for my evidence from sources other than in-game. There are more serious endgame spoilers here, so don't read if you haven't finished the game yet (Pii, if you're reading this, click off now. I mean it. Don't.)

Right, so in the gameplay reveal trailer for Requiem, Harry Myers, who is Arnaud's voice actor, recites the poem "Requiem" by Robert Louis Stevenson (I know, I went insane when I learned the poem is called Requiem too).

When I first heard it I already thought it actually fit Arnaud well even outside of his VA performing it, but I told myself I was just being delusional, and that it was obviously intended for Amicia and Hugo, since they are the focus of the trailer.

Well.

I was wrong.

This set of tweets pretty much confirms that the poem was chosen with Arnaud in mind.

And with THAT in mind, the line "Home is the sailor, home from sea" is also applied to him. Maybe this seems like a reach, maybe I'm reading too much into it because I want it to be true, but I would not put it past the people who chose a poem whose title matches the game title to do this on purpose.

So yeah.

this is my case for why Arnaud Malpart used to be a sailor.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I DID turn into an unskippable cutscene.

[hummingbird-games]

(spoilers for Adrian’s route incoming, etc, etc)

I have been putting off this particular post of ramblings because I truly don’t think I can do justice to putting my thoughts into words for Adrian. Not like the other guys. But at the end of the day these are truly for my entertainment (and God-awful memory) and I just happen to have an audience. So. No pressure. Also I’m trying not to repeat myself. Which is hard. (I love this game. I don’t know how I can make that more obvious?? But I guess I keep trying with these posts and the damn TikToks LOL) 

Adrian is just...such a sweetheart?? And I adored ANY AND EVERY SINGLE TIME we got to tease him???? Beautiful, oh my goodness. 

...Which is why when he wanted to get down and dirty in the GYM but not for workout purposes, I had the gall to be surprised!! 😂😂😂😂😂

But listen!! Anytime he went from sweet, golden retriever energy to serious, intimidating, sexy war god I was experiencing All The Emotions. Which is hilarious because we get HINTS of this throughout the first couple chapters...so I should have seen this coming (also I keep clicking the spice option, like what the heck do you think that means?? @ me) but that didn’t stop me from being dramatic and running back on here to scream into the void (check the tags if you’re interested. I had to make a proper 18+ tag and everything when I was convinced that was gonna happen due to College Craze aha 👍🏽).

Um. So, while Adrian was fighting Logan for Most Horny (sorry, I still think Logan can keep his crown and throne 👀) he was also fighting Ezra for Most Disgustingly Romantic (more evidence is needed from both sides for me for the jury to come to a conclusion)! 

Alsooooo, MC internally screaming in all caps had to be the most relatable shit I have ever seen oh my God. I couldn’t even laugh sometimes because I was like she’s like me, fr fr, with all the seriousness in the world!

Speaking of seriousness, there is a line I really enjoy that comes after the big breakup, which after doing this three times, did not get easier?? It got harder??? I sick. And I still have to do the bad ends in the new year?? I hate this. Anyhoo, the line:

“He recognized the sadness. Saw it in me and walked with me.” 

Grief is a funny thing. It’s different for everyone, and it was this year I truly noticed just how different people who have never been touched by grief walk verses those who have. And there’s a fun little cocktail of emotions that comes wrapped in the grief besides the advertised sadness, but it’s like, deeper than that. Some people are really good at hiding that sadness. And for someone else who has gone through a loss, any type of significant loss, and to see that in someone else and to not run away from it, not try and fix it, not try and belittle you for it? It’s a huge ass deal. 

HUGE. 

So obviously I cried. 

And then more events happened (seriously y’all, just play the game, even if it’s one route) and THIS LINE SMACKED ME IN THE FACE TOO:

“When I was with you I felt so happy...so happy that I worried I’d be punished for my happiness.”

Girlfriend, same. Saaaaaaaame. 

Now, in no particular order or in great detail, because I should wrap this up, here are other things I loved. 

More Grace screentime!!! We get a little of her in Ezra’s route and then we see her a lot more in Adrian’s which I loved! 

Karaoke! Super unique mechanic in the game and I need to go back and unlock all the songs. 

Any and all interactions with Amara!! I love our best friend, send tweet. 

Under the cut because I feel bad hijacking Adrian’s post, but this is a perfect place to conclude my game route ramblings overall.

I think that if I haaaaad to pick, Ezra is my favorite guy. Period. I loved him at jump, before I played the demo! And I will love this fictional man until I die. Tunnel vision?? Yes, what about it?

Logan has my favorite route...because he really was not on my radar and then he was and I feel like one day (in someone’s DMs not here lol) I will untangle why Logan’s route is a study in what romance media is missing for me and how it fucking delivered.

And Adrian? Most likely be who I’d click with in real life 🤔 

There’s so much replayability in An Everyday Love. And even if you exhaust all the available content, it’s still such a comfort piece of media.

So, if I have not convinced you to play, I have failed us both 😂💛And I will renew efforts in the future. 

[shinydixon]

https://www.tumblr.com/shinydixon/715182590399774720/hi-hello-maybe-im-pouring-more-gasoline-in-the?source=share exactly the point i was making. joe and jamie have talked about all the times they went out together and jamie even said he can never tell anyone any of those stories because they're wild. they absolutely went out together. they have talked about it. the same way grace and mason have talked about going out with joe apart from that aquarium visit. it's honestly silly to think otherwise, i mean, cmon. it's very easy to hide hookups. i'm not saying he's dating, i'm saying he's meeting people. so if he wanted to see alicia, he could very well book a hotel room or hang out in one of their friend's house. maybe have her arrive at the house first, go there himself later with a friend. there are A LOT of ways he can hook up and not be spotted with the person he's hooking up with. about joe's personal insta: if it's true or not, we'll never know. remember when anons came here claiming wes was gay and his aunt had made a post and all that and all we got from all of that is wes has a girlfriend? like, make it make sense? the anon was sure about him being gay, not bit, not pan but apparently he's dating a girl. so...just...again, people starting shit. about the d pick: how in the world would they know? even if they found the private insta, there's no way for them to know what picture he's sending or isn't sending. and lastly i'm gonna say what i said at the start of the year on this very blog and got absolutely shredded by some nonnies because 'joe wasn't like what i was describing': joe is young, healthy, enjoying his fame and his life. he likes sex. it's okay to like sex. he has hookups. it's okay to have hookups. he likes model, it's okay to like model. he likes all types of women, it's okay to like all types of women. he's living his fucking life and this fandom is going down in flames because this is some of the worst behavior i've ever seen in ages. and honestly, i'm pretty slighted some people here are acting all 'joe's a duuuuudeee, it's fiiiiiiineeee' when they were going for my neck back in january when i said he probably had hooked up with someone at the new year party because he was obviously having fun. my god, you'd think i'd kicked someone's baby. 'why does he need to have sex to have fun???' was the question thrown around and i tried to explain that hey, he doesn't, but sex is fun and it was something he could've done. and now to see the same people making posts about how he's so carefree and he's just being a guuuyyy. you all need a fucking break. i'm not even kidding. and yes, that includes me. just sit back and think about what you guys are doing because of this one guy. i know that you stay out of drama, shiny, but even you admitted to feeling overwhelmed these days. i just know i'm done following the tag and all that. i'm just bookmarking some joe-centric blogs and that's it. this is just too much. it's ridiculous. pathetic, even. that man can't breathe without someone over analyzing it. what's the point of finding who he's seeing now? he's not gonna stop seeing them, but he will like his fans a lot less if this constant harassing doesn't stop.

And with all the drama around nobody took pictures of Grace and Joe together?

Pretty weird if you ask me but anyway 🤷

[person-personified]

I posted 2,409 times in 2022

35 posts created (1%)

2,374 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hattalove

@ttimbradford

@extasiswings

@911bts

I tagged 1,766 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#911 fox - 708 posts

#evan buckley - 223 posts

#eddie diaz - 216 posts

#buddie - 159 posts

#in the tags - 110 posts

#words - 86 posts

#!!! - 83 posts

#911 bts - 77 posts

#911 meta - 69 posts

#art - 69 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#i gotta think...❤️‍🔥is like. beautiful and aesthetic. but a bit uncommon?i love 💖 especially with some✨✨ but i use 💕 most often.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

reeba !!! taylor !!! midnights!!! omg did you have any idea ?!?!?!? it's always out of nowhere i swear aksdfjjj :') <33

hi!! hello!!

no I fucking did not like. she was doing interviews like no I don't have another album in me just yet, I'm so tired, I thought new album would take a few years??

like obviously it's been nearly 2 years since evermore but there's the rerecordings. and also I think I've been spoilt by the folklore/evermore release schedule because I feel...empty that we don't have the tracklist or like we're not getting the whole album + mv immediately after the announcement 😅

it looks so good though! I first saw her red carpet look waking up mid sleep to check something and I thought oh so rep? and then I woke up and my friend was screaming about the new album

the aesthetic looks so gooooood. I might invest in a good eyeshadow palette so I can make her blue eyeshadow look my personality for a bit✨

also hello? louis and taylor having their albums out within a month of each other? louaylor rights!!

4 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

#4

reeba!!! happy new year, my dear ✨🎉!! im so glad to have had so many silly and serious and everything-in-between conversations with you this past year 😊💫💖 i hope the new year brings a million happy moments, exciting opportunities, and pockets of peace for you 💌🥰

essie <333 happy slightly belated new year🎉🎆 I'm so glad YOU reached out after seeing my random tag rambles😭🥺🥺 because I don't think. I would have. and then I wouldn't have an insanely talented friend who's also? so good at getting the weird intangible thoughts and feelings that I am usually too insecure to talk about to most people. we're matching brain waves on a facet of ourselves and I am very very grateful to have known you this past year<3

thank you for all the wishes omg, same for you!! a million happy moments and a sense of fulfilment, progress and contentment with life. and the strength to step out of our comfort zones and reach for happiness💗💖

also I put in fireworks but I detest those irl, considering I cover my ears when balloons pop. so I hope your ears survived intact 😬

4 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

#3

(also, no need to answer, just want to say i see about the flooding and i'm thinking about you <3 that must feel really scary and sad, i hope you and your loved ones are doing okay, sending love <3 <3 <3)

thank you, my area is safe but the country as a whole. all the provinces are effected, so many lives and livelihoods destroyed...it's really bad out there. and videos and constant updates are..emotionally taxing but if you put it in the back of your mind, you just get busy with your life and you forget those people who will need months until they can even begin to start rebuilding there lives.

and of course crops were effected so prices of some stuff are already high and they'll only get higher. and we already have shitty price hikes due to a recent change in government after some political turmoil. but thank God for private non-profits who actually help the people instead of looting donations

sorry this is. a lot. I just wish there was more I could do besides donating. hopefully volunteer activities will crop up after the initial situation has been stabilized so I can do something that isn't limited by my finances

5 notes - Posted August 29, 2022

#2

reeba !!! are you back from the land of the shadowbanned??! also, what track are you claiming off midnights 👀🌙💫

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii essie🥰🥰

I am back from the land of the shadowbanned alright, so back in fact that when I saw half your ask in my notifications saying are you back from the land of... I didn't have the slightest inkling what this could be about and like a perfectly normal person, I wondered, why does essie think I'm in the land of the dead? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

as for claiming tracks, not to be (more) dramatic, I don't what's going on, idk who I AM? because like I cannot decide a track to claim. like this has never happened in any of the album releases I've been through so far. but like. lavender haze, maroon or midnight rain. like I think I want something s o f t. and side A sounds softer but I feel like the titles are going to be very misleading regarding the vibe? I am CERTAIN that whatever song I claim will not be my favorite. only two more sleeps till we know🕛⏳

How are you faring with this claiming business that I'm pathetically failing at😂

6 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hey hi how are you ☺️✨ (i typed this and my brain went ‘how’s life, tell me how’s your family’ even though i haven’t listed to that song in FOREVER aksjjj but i’m off to rectify that now <3)

hi essie!! ☀️✨✨

to be very honest, I'm just... tired 😅 I'm trying to juggle some uni stuff with a part-time job and utterly failing at time management. like I COULD give up the me time but at what cost? losing my soul? so I'm just sacrificing sleep etc 🥳🥳

oof not back to decemberrrrr. i don't think I've heard it since 9th grade except once with red tv but I remember it all too well🤪

I think that's what the kids these are calling 'core memories'

how are you?? how's life and your family (feline family)

7 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lunamadhatter99]

Panic

Part 10

Hi! So.. I'm having some bad moments these past days, I'm sorry if I won't post so frequently, I suffer from anxiety, depression and panic attacks and these days have been hard😅

Anyway, here's part 10, it's a little shorter than usually though...Hope you guys like it anyway🤷🏻‍♀️🙈 as always tell me what you think and tell me if you want ot be tagged in the next parts😘

Chapter summary: the challenge at the Train Bridge was both the easiest and the hardest for the Reader... blindfolds aren't exactly reader's favourite thing.

Chapter warnings: none... I think 🤔

Tag list: @shenevertricks1831 @mixed-theater-faisty-tings @stuckinthesmalldoor @girlygirl-20 @jillo0315 @one-edgy-bitch

"So.. this is how people do for fun, uh?" Dodge says to me as we walk among the people at the party, with Natalie and Heather. 

"Apparently" I reply.

"Hey. Want to bet I can beat you at cornhole?" Natalie asks everyone.

I roll my eyes shaking my head chuckling.

"Nice try" Heather laughs. 

"Not a chance Williams" I tell her.

"She's like a creepy cornhole prodigy" Heather tells Dodge, who was confused by our answers. 

"Will you shut up?" Natalie replies jokingly.

"She once beat 12 U.T. frat guys at once" I say. "Not a good show... for them obviously"

"Oh fine!" She surrender.

"Plus.. I gotta find Diggins.. he says he has some auto-proclaimed brother duty to fulfill, apparently" I tell her, nodding slightly to Dodge.

"Should I be worried?" He asks.

"I really don't know, that guy is unpredictable" I chuckle.

"Wait... auto-proclaimed brother?" Heather asks.

"Yeah, he proclaimed himself my brother since, you know, I don't have a family" I explain shrugging. 

"That's not true" Natalie says "you have us"

"Ooh how cheesy" I teasingly say to her, even though the thought makes me smile.

"For you. I'll help you find him then." She offers "Heather?"

"I have to go find Bishop" Heather replies.

"You two need to talk shit out, yes" I tell her, as I start to walk away with Dodge and Natalie "also.. if he acts like a dick tell me and I'll deal with him"

"Sure!"

We walk around, me searching for Diggins as we do, finding Summer instead. 

"Hey. I didn't know you worked at the Derby" Natalie says to her as we near.

"Just filling in for Diggins" she replies sending us a knowing look, referring to the next challenge, probably. "So, pay attention to the seven-digit number. Okay?" She then hands us three tickets. "The final four are what natter tonight, but... for now they're beside the points."

"Got it" I say nodding and so do Dodge and Natalie.

"And tell Heather if you see her, okay? She needs her ticket" Summer tells us.

"I can give Heather her ticket" Natalie quickly offers.

I turn to look at Dodge, a knowing look on his face too.

Summer hands Natalie Heather's ticket so we turn around to walk away.

"Final four are what natter tonight, but they're beside the point?" Dodge repeats Summer's words, a hint of confusion in his tone.

"Beside the points. It's code. Tonight's challenge will decide the final four" Natalie answers "the first three numbers are the points we have after Graybill's. Hey I'm up to 225, man" she says happily, nudging my shoulder.

So me and Dodge look at our tickets.

"I'm... oh..  260. Not bad." I comment.

"275?" Natalie asks looking at Dodge's ticket "you got a hundred points?"

"I solved the riddle" He answers.

Natalie then looks at Heather's. 

"My god... guys, Heather's at 270." She says."You're in the lead" she looks at Dodge, who just turn the ticket in his hand around.

On the back of it there's a clue, an indication I think.

"Exit 12, I-45, 1:00 a.m. This is the next challenge" I say.

Dodge looks at me, sending me a quick small confident smile.

"I better try look for her and give her her ticket" Natalie says.

"Yeah.. Good idea" I tell her with a smile.

"I'll see you later.. then" she nervously smile.

"Hey, it's gonna be fine" I assure her.

"Yeah.. I know" she then smiles again and walk away.

"Do you think she will actually give her the ticket or.." Dodge supposes.

"She might be strategic, but not a bitch.. I hope..." I tell him chuckling.

"Yeah.. hopefully. So... what do you want to do as we wait? We can still walk around looking for Diggins, but he's probably organising everything for the challenge" he says, shrugging.

"We can just walk, if you want" I smile at him.

"Us alone? Someone's brave tonight" he jokes.

"You can't keep teasing me like that.. not after last night." I slightly shove him.

"Last night? What happened last night?" He asks faking confusion.

"Oh! Didn't I tell you? Well this guys came to my house, completely uninvited" I say with fake annoyance. 

"What a dick" he comments, a stupid smile on his face.

"He started say things like 'I always thing about you' and some cheesy things like that" I say looking at his reactions, he's surprised and just laughs.

"No way" he exclaims.

"He even dared kiss me. Can you believe that?"

"No. Way"

"Yeah and then we had sex, because well... everyone deserves a chance, right?"

"Of course. And how was he?"

"Well... he was okay. He didn't make me cum once though" I tease.

"Oh!" He says, completely caught off guard "I'm pretty sure I made you cum at least 3 times"

"Ooh you sure?" I challenge.

"Want to try again? I can go up on.... 6" he offers, putting his arm around me.

"Oh! Okay calm down cowboy" I say holding his hand.

"Yeah... as if you didn't like it" he says this whispering into my ear.

"So it is true!" We turn around as we hear Ray's voice behind us.

I give him a questioning look and he continues.

"You're already cheating on me with the new kid, uh?" He teases walking towards us.

"We're not together, Ray" I tell him.

"Oh... yet, baby. I'm gonna win. And you know it so.. let's just not waste time" he's in front of us now.

"You really can't take a hint, can you?" Dodge interrupts.

"C'mon, Dodge, let's go" I say grabbing Dodge's arm to move his attention from Ray to me.

As we start to walk away I look at Ray, to make sure he's not try to follow us, and I see something on Ray's face.

It's like sadness, defeat. He meets my eyes and just smiles, faking confidence, but I can see right through it.

"Are you okay?" Dodge suddenly asks me.

"Me? Why are you asking me?"

"Because he's a dick"

"Well, you seem more affected by his words than me" I gently tell him, holding his hand.

"I... yeah okay... I never liked how he talks to you, like you're his and he literally own you. Now that we.. I mean.." he chuckles embarrassed. 

"Are you blushing, Dodge Mason?" I ask surprised.

"Oh shut up." He says looking away from me with an embarrassed smile.

"Go on" I say.

I really want to hear him say it.

He takes a deep breath.

"Now that we're a... now thay you are.."

"I'm what?" I tease.

"My girlfriend... or I mean.. if you want to"

I love how embarrassed he's getting, it makes up for all the times he did it with me.

"I don't know..." I pretend to think "what's in for me?"

I try to make him comfortable, joking around and teasing each other is our routine so maybe it would help ease him up.

"Well.." he starts, I can see him gaining some confidence back "I'm good with animals, I work hard, I can fight.. I'm a pretty good cook..."

"Oh... that's not bad at all... okay fine. I'll be your girlfriend" I tell him getting closer to him to give him a kiss, he puts his hand on my face caressing my cheeks.

"Let me say: fucking finally" he then kisses me.

When he pulls away he looks at me, with a small smirk on his face.

"What?" I ask.

"There's also something else in for you, being my girlfriend" he says.

"Oh yeah? And what?"

"I'd let you ride my face any fucking time you want" he says.

I feel my face warm up all of a sudden and I look down at my feet to avoid his eyes, but his hand gently grab my chin to make me look at him.

"What's wrong?" He teases.

"Oh shut up"

"You know how to make me shut up"

So I just kiss him before walking some more around the party.

This challenge was the worst so far, they made us put some blindfolds on, first of all, so all I can see now is black. Pitch black.

Then they put all of us  into a van, I think and drive us somewhere, some abandoned tracks. Blindfolded we had to cross it, we could've asked for help, but those helps had a cost. A secret, not ours though, the other players', which is more difficult then simply telling our own.

Luckily for me I didn't need them, I recognise the place, by the noise and the smell. Sometimes I used to go there to paint alone, so I knew how to move around and I made it.

Also pushed by the intense desire of taking of that damn blindfold.

After the challenge Dodge offered to drive me home as always.

"Heather is still not answering" I tell him as he drives.

Heather wasn't at the challenge, she didn't tell us anything, not to me nor Natalie and now she's not answering her phone.

"I'm sure she's fine. I saw her talking to Bishop earlier at the party. Try him" he suggests.

"Yeah.. yeah.." I nod.

As I'm texting Bishop asking him if he knows anything, I feel Dodge's hand on my thigh, squeezing.

"Don't worry. I'm sure everything is fine, okay? Breath" he tells me sweetly.

I just nod, I didn't notice my breath getting heavier.

"He's saying something happened with her sister... he doesn't know much more" I say. "He also say to wait till tomorrow and see how it goes"

"Okay. That's what we'll do. I know you're worried, but try not to think about it, for now. Okay?" He softly says.

"Yeah.. sure." I weakly smile at him.

We arrive in front of my house, but I don't move an inch to get out of the car just yet.

I really don't want to stay alone tonight...

"Wanna stay over?" I ask, rather quickly.

"What?" He asks confused.

"Do you... do you want to stay over?" I ask again, slower.

"You mean to sleep or hang out?"

"To sleep" I reply.

"Gladly" he says.

I turn to look at him kill the engine and with him I get out of the car and walk to the front door.

"I can sleep on the couch if you're more comfortable." He offers "so I'd still be here, but-"

"No.. no it's fine really.. I really don't want to be alone tonight" I say, looking down and fidgeting with my hands.

He comes closer, holding my hands.

"Let's get to bed, okay?" He kisses my forehead and lead me to my room, where I change and lend him some old shorts he could fit it.

We're laying in bed, my head is resting on his chest and his left arm is around me while his right hand is holding my fidgeting one.

"Something else happened or it was just the blindfold?" He carefully asks.

"Just the blindfold" I answer.

He simply holds me closer and rubbing my back sweetly.

"You made it, though. You've been so brave." He gently reassures me.

"I was shaking like a freaking chihuahua" I complain.

"But you still made it."

"It wasn't that hard, apart from the darkness obviously. That's the place I used to go to paint. I recognised it and simply...counted" I explain.

"My smart girl" he chuckles.

"Oh shush"

"It's true, so smart and so brave." He leans down to kiss me. "My beautiful" kiss "smart" kiss "brave girl"

"You're being very cheesy, you know that?" I chuckle.

"You still didn't push me away so I guess you like it, at least a little bit"

Yes.

"No" I say.

"Mh mh yeah sure, you can't lie to me." He says, triumphantly, laying back down.

True.

"That's not true"

"Oh so you mean you lie to me? I'm hurt" he says dramatically. 

"Oh shut up you know what I mean" I laugh smacking him.

"I know I know" he says laughing too. "Stop hitting me" he grabs my hand, gently, kissing it and putting it back on his chest.

We stay like this for a moment.

"Thank you" I say.

"For what?" He asks.

"For.. everything. Staying the night, comforting me, making me laugh... everything" I tell him.

"You do the same for me. Everyday. It's the least I can do, love"

Love.

Did he just call me 'love' .

" 'love' ?" I ask.

"You don't like it?" He asks, almost afraid he said the wrong thing. "Too cheesy?"

"Actually.. no.." I smile at him "it's nice"

I kiss him and then lay down again.

He lets out a sigh of relief. 

"Goodnight, love" he says.

"Goodnight, Dodge"

With that we fall asleep in each other's arms.

It feels nice to have someone with me, not being alone in this big house for once.

This morning, Natalie texted me, saying she got a hold on Heather, we're meeting at hers.

I'm worried about what could've happened to her to make her disappear like that last night.

"We tried calling you a milioni times." Natalie says.

"Yeah, I know I know. But.. Lily needed me. My mom and Bo we're fighting" she explains weakly. 

I feel my heart breaking thinking about Lily, she must've felt so scared..

"I know.  I'm out of the game. What happened last night?" Heather asks.

"The challenge was different this year" Natalie explains, looking briefly at me. "They put us in blindfolds and loaded us into a van and they took us to an old train bridge. One by one we had to find our way back. We could ask for help, ten steps in the right direction, but only if we answered their questions."

"What we're the questions?" Heather eyebrows furrow.

"Secrets" I simply say.

"Yeah.. but not ours" Natalie completes for me.

"They basically played us against each other.. very Panic-ish.. or just a shit move. We are already competing against each other.. this is.. ridiculous" I say sighing.

I recall my turn perfectly.

Walking, counting each steps, luckily I remembered the place perfectly so I knew where to stop.

Also Diggins anxious breath helped, I gotta admit.

"You sure... you sure you're okay?" He kept asking me.

"Oh me? All fine. I could even do a flip... maybe a double flip. What do you think?" I asked, joking to ease my nerves.

"Told you already, do not push it" he said

"If you don't want a sarcastic answer then don't fucking ask" I dryly said "I got a fucking blindfold on, I can see shit. It's fucking dark. Of course I'm not okay"

He knew I wasn't actually mad at him, I was just anxious because of the blindfold.

"There's my princess" he joked too.

"Better." I said.

Too dark, too fucking dark.

I had to keep reminding myself that I was safe, I wasn't in the closet anymore. Yeah... I was on a not-stable-at-all train bridge, but better than the closet.

Also, luckily for me, Diggins was there.

So I just kept walking and counting, putting an end to this stupid challenge as quickly as possible.

"Y/n got through, rather quickly, I might add" Natalie's voice snaps me out of my memories. 

She sends me a small proud smile, which I return.

"I was so scared, I could hardly stand up straight." She continues.

"But you made it, right?" Heather asks, worried.

"I had to answer some questions..." she admits

"What questions?" I ask.

"They.. they asked me about Shawna" she simply says.

"Shawna? Why?"

"I don't know " she shrugs. "Ray was the first one to get back"

"So quickly?" Heather wonders.

"Yeah. I'm sure he had no problems in spilling someone else's tea" I say.

"What... what if he said something? About me hooking up with Tyler. He surely told him.. I don't want Bishop to find out.. but they wouldn't care about me, though, right? Like.. the judges wouldn't ask about me if I'm out of the game, right?" Heather's getting nervous

"I don't know" Natalie replies.

"I have to talk to Tyler"

"Hey, it's okay" I try to reassure her.

"It's just not fair" Natalie says. "You should be in the final four... not Ray.. he might've gotten through all the challenges but you deserves the chance"

"Hey.. maybe you can ask the judges for an exception" I suggest "Don't you still have your immunity?"

"Yeah, but you have to use it before the challenge starts" she explains. 

"Fuck"

"Just talk to Diggins" Natalie suggests. "We've come as far as a team. We can do this."

What a player..

[skinnyducky]

made for you // v.h.

hello.. im sorry i havent been posting. school has been keeping me busy but i wanted to post this. this idea comes from @yelenasdarling so thank you ! i recommend listening to halley’s comet by billie eilish (as well as the whole album) bc that’s the song that is being discussed in this (as well as many others), so yuh. enjoy ! and i promise i haven’t forgotten about party @ y/ns !

vinnie hacker x singer!fem!reader

Word Count: 1408, edited

WARNING: MAJOR FLUFF LUV

---------

As the year was coming to an end, so was your debut album. For months, you’d been working with the best producers, musicians, and doing endless promo for this album and within a few days, you’d be playing it for the label. Obviously because it is your first record, you’re protective over it. No one had heard it besides the people working on it. So, you were a bit nervous to let your pleading boyfriend, Vinnie, tag along to the studio with you.

It was Friday, and you two had been chilling in his room when your producer, Sarah, said she needed you to go over it before the label meeting. As you bid your goodbyes to Vinnie, informing him of the reason for your departure, he pouted. “Why can’t I come?” he nearly cried, giving you his puppy dog eyes. Because you couldn’t resist them—and you just can’t say “no” to him—you allowed him to come.

Now here the two of you were, in the studio and listening to Sarah go on and on about how long it took for her to finish mastering it. Your manager, Jen, had came too. She had to hear the album for herself also. She couldn’t have her client looking a mess in front of her bosses. Bad for business and her reputation.

“…and after an hour or two of making sure your vocals were clear, I finally finish the album.” Sarah explained. “Honestly, this is probably the best album I’ve produced in a minute, and I worked on SZA’s album.”

“That good?” Vinnie asked with a smirk, leaning against the studio door. “That’s sick. I’m ready to listen to it.”

As that sentence left Vinnie’s mouth, you felt your anxiety overcome you. “Are you sure, Sarah? There has to be some sort of adlib I need to rework or something. Can’t be ready so soon.”

“Y/n, it can’t get any better than this. This is a solid project. I should know, I spent days listening to it over and over again. Trust me, it’s ready.”

“Besides, it’s too late to rerecord now.” Jen added. “The label meeting is next Thursday, and we don’t have a week for Sarah to mix and master all over again. Once the label gives us the greenlight, if there’s anything to tweak, you can do it before you have to submit the final project. But until then, no changes and no additions.”

You sighed, nodded your head. It’s not that you were afraid of it not being perfect. You were more scared of what Vinnie would think. I mean, he’s the one who inspired the album; more than half of the songs are about him. His opinion meant everything to you, and if he didn’t like an inch of it…that would destroy you.

As you were sulking and picking at your chipped nail polish, Vinnie wandered over to you where you sat at the soundboard with Sarah. He leaned against it and smiled down at you. “What’s the matter, baby?”

“Nothing.” You sighed, keeping your head down. He scoffed and chuckled. “Y/n, you’re playing with your nail polish. You always do that when you’re upset.”

He pulled you up and took you out of your seat before sitting down himself and placing you on his lap. “Tell Santa what’s up.” He joked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I’m just nervous. This album means so much to me.”

“Completely understandable. It’s your first one, it should mean a lot to you.”

You shook your head. “It’s not just because of that. It’s also because it’s about you. The only reason you haven’t came with me to the studio until now is because I didn’t want you to hate anything on this, and it would kill me if you did.”

“Y/n, look at me”—you finally met his eyes for the first time—“I could never not like anything you do. Especially if it’s dedicated to me. That’s like throwing away a gift you gave me. I wouldn’t ever do that. So don’t think for a minute that I’d hate this. That’s literally impossible.”

You smiled, planting a kiss on his forehead. “You’re too good for me.”

“I know.” He laughed and turned to Sarah. “Play us the album!” He said dramatically, sending the producer into a fit of giggles.

She followed his orders and with a few clicks and the press of a button, the first song from your album rang out from the studio speakers. You watched timidly as Vinnie bobbed his head up and down as it went from track to track.

“This shit slaps!” He exclaimed as “Y/n Bossa Nova” played. He nearly about died during “Oxytocin”, claiming it to be god tier. Minutes went by until you got to the final track “Halley’s Comet”, and you were scared to play him this song.

While the other tracks were quite playful in nature, this one was different. The song was a bit cynical, but it was also like a love letter to Vinnie. Never before have you ever felt what you had with him. And at first that made you scared. But as the months went by and your relationship started to blossom, you realized he was the one for you. This was just your way of telling him that.

When it started, you looked everywhere but at Vinnie. It wasn’t just because you couldn’t bear to see the expression on his face, but also because this song was quite emotional. You didn’t want him to see you “being a little bitch” as you put it.

The sound of your soft vocals bounced off the walls and you felt Vinnie place his chin on your shoulder. His hold on you grew tighter as he swayed you two back forth. A small smile crept it’s way onto your face as you tried your best to stray away from crying.

“I’ve been loved before, but right now in this moment,” you sung, “I feel more and more like I was made for you…”

When those lyrics hit, you felt Vinnie stop swaying. Hell, you were pretty sure he had stopped breathing too. You didn’t know what to think about that; did he not like the song, is he shocked? What was he thinking and feeling? Shortly after, the song came to an end with you singing, “I think I might have fallen in love…what am I to do?”

And with that, the album finished. The room was silent, the only sound being your sniffles. Although that was broken when Sarah screamed. “Wasn’t that amazing!? Ugh, my power…I really outdid myself on this one.”

Thankfully, Jen understood the impact of that last song. “Sarah, why don’t we go get a Snickers or something from the vending machine?”

“I can’t eat anything fatty, Jen. You know this.”

Jen mouthed some profanities and threats at the woman causing her to shoot up from her chair and run out into the hallway. “We’ll leave you two alone for a minute.” Jen smiled, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

Neither of you or Vinnie spoke and that somewhat was comforting. However, part of it made you feel insecure about the album, “Halley’s Comet” in specific. Out of all the songs, that’s the one you wanted him to like the most.

The silence soon grew uncomfortable, so you decided to be the first to speak. “Well, that was the album. What’d you think?”

He opened his mouth, but it was obviously he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I-I don’t know how to even put it in words.”

“That bad?” You sighed.

“No, never.” He laughed. “It was beautiful, all of it really. And that last song, that was amazing.”

You pursed your lips, hiding the grin wanting to break free. “You think so?”

“Yeah, it was definitely one of my favorites. To know I had that much of an impact on you, it’s really sweet. I didn’t think I could simp for you any harder than I do now.”

“Shut up!” you laughed, slapping his shoulder.

“It’s the truth!” he said, throwing his hands up in defense. “I love you, Y/n. I really do.”

“I love you too.” And with that, he laid a sweet and gentle kiss on your lips.

Pulling back, he said, “Oh and just so you know, I agree with you.”

“On what?”

“You were definitely made for me.”

[leascorner]

j.b.b. | Marley

Summary: Eventually, Bucky gave his deepest secrets away and you let him know yours. Her name was Marley.

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x single mom!reader

Warnings: Mention of past and present relationships, parenting, mention of food

Word Count: 3.7k

a/n: This is my first story posted on here. I’ve been writting for +12 years now but for the last couple of years, I couldn't finish a single story. Turns out Bucky Barnes was all I needed to get over my massive writer’s block. Feedback is greatly appreciated. (Also, english is not my native language so if you spot any grammar mistake, please let me know!)

Masterlist

It all began with his friend, Sam.

On a night they were out for drinks, he had made it his mission to find someone for Bucky. Someone or anyone for the matter. He talked to everyone in the bar that night, while Bucky drank his beer, sitting at the counter. When it was clear enough that nobody there that night would keep grumpy Bucky company, Sam turned his attention on the dating app his friend had downloaded on his phone some weeks ago. He probably went through a dozen of profiles, sometimes showing the phone screen to Bucky, to what he would just respond by rolling his eyes and drinking some more beer.

That was until Sam showed him your profile. Bucky stared a second longer to the picture displayed on his phone screen than for the others. He couldn't tell what that was: the smile on your lips, the wrinkles at the side of your eyes or simply your eyes; but he couldn't get his eyes off it. Sam immediately started typing a message for you to what Bucky obviously protested. He did not need company because he was just fine on his own.

Despite his super-soldier abilities, he wasn't quick enough to take the phone from his friend's hands. The smile that appeared on Sam’s face annoyed Bucky even more. "What are you afraid of, though guy?" Sam had asked and Bucky eventually backed off, letting him do whatever he was planning on doing. There was no point in stopping Sam. He knew you wouldn't be interested anyway... To be honest, who would be? Bucky got his phone back along with a smirk from his friend. There was no answer after that, and Sam eventually found another topic to annoy the heck out of Bucky.

When he woke up the next morning, your reply notification was patiently waiting for him. For a second, he thought of deleting it, without having a look first. What did he have to lose? Gathering his courage, he opened it. Your words were as genuine as your smile and it made him grin like an idiot, though he made a mental note to later murder Sam for his poor choice of pick-up line. It took him the whole morning to be able to type an answer and another afternoon to press the ‘send’ button. It was the first text of many. Eventually, a lot of texts turned into calls; that turned into meeting up in your favorite French bakery; that turned into movies and restaurant dates.

    This was nearly one year and a half ago.

Your relationship with Bucky was cautious and steady. He liked how you would give him his space, but still being right there for him. He liked that you let him stare at you in total awe or that you always had small kind thoughts for him like when you made his eggs the way he preferred in the morning and that everything was so simple - obvious even - by your side. Eventually, Bucky gave his deepest secrets away and you let him know yours.

Her name was Marley.

If Bucky was being honest, finding out you had a two and a half years-old daughter was quite the shock. Not that he couldn't have seen that coming; you would always make plans, your handbag was always full of snacks and hand wipes and for some reason, you would never be available between five and eight p.m. That was also what he liked about you. The stability.

The idea of being involved in a relationship with somebody that already had a child did scare him off. If he decided to continue the relationship, it would not only be a matter of breaking your heart in the process – and well, maybe his too - but breaking a child's heart too. And that more than anything, he was refusing to assume the responsibility, but he owed you that much. You knew his deepest secrets and still, you didn't run away from him. Worse, you trusted him to be around your child.

You both had a lot of discussions about him meeting Marley - Bucky even seek advice to Sam. And as for the rest of your relationship, you took it slow. It started with Bucky showing up to your Sunday walk in Central Park, feeding up the ducks and sharing snacks. You also spent some time at the carnival where he would watch you two on the carousel – sometimes joining the ride too - and he would help Marley win at pick a duck or buy her popcorn. Eventually, he would spend more time with the two of you. It started with spending at least one evening per week at your place, making dinner while watching you playing with Marley in the living room. One evening turned into two, three, five evenings per week. He still could step out if he needed. You still could spend time with your daughter where he wasn't there. You still spent time just the two of you, when Marley was asleep at night or he would take you on date nights. The routine you three put in place was nice, but Bucky wasn't planning on taking Marley’s dad place. God, he would never see himself as a dad and Marley already had one - though in Bucky's opinion, he would not be awarded father-of-the-year.

    Today, Bucky was picking Marley up from daycare.

He had done it a million times already, but this time was a little bit different. He was doing it on his own. The babysitter stood you up and you were stuck in an endless one-day meeting. You had called in utter panic, asking him to pick Marley up from daycare and taking care of her until you would be home. He had assured you he would do it and it would be fine. Now that he was standing in front of the building, he was doubting himself. He didn't know if he could do it on his own.

Another shaky sigh and Bucky entered the building. The childcare workers greeted him when he showed up at Marley's room. She was sat at one of these tiny tables making some kind of collage crafts. He planned on waiting for her to finish, just staring like he always did, before announcing himself, but Marley spotted him the second his figure appeared at the door.

"Bucky!" Marley cried out, leaving everything behind and running towards him.

"Hey Mar-Mar," he smiled. She always seemed happy to see him and Bucky wondered if she would eventually grow tired of him being always around.

After they hugged each other, Marley was called to put away her crafts and Bucky encouraged her to go do it. In the meantime, he collected her stuff - her panda backpack, shoes, and coat - so he could get her ready to leave. And he did just that when she got back to him.

"We are taking the train home. I'mna carrying you, is that okay?"

She wrapped her little arms around his neck in response and he lifted her up from the floor. After sharing goodbye to the childcare workers, they were heading home.

    On their way to the station, Marley explained in every detail what she had done at daycare that day; Bucky was listening carefully, sometimes asking questions - Carol, she is the one with the curly hair, right? Was Mark mean to you again? - but mostly he was just nodding along. They made it to the station just in time to take the 5:17 p.m. train. It was rush hour and Bucky mindfully chose to hop on one of the cars at the end of the train - the ones he knew would be the less busy at this time of the day. He had only seven stops, so he didn't sit and stood against one of the train windows. By that time, Marley had finished reporting on her day, and she was just watching around, smiling at anyone she would make eye contact with.

After the second stop, her eyes caught the sight of the dog tag around Bucky's neck. She fiddled it through his T-shirt, probably wondering what that was, before taken it out to have a closer look. In her tiny hands, the metal tag seemed to be huge. She looked up at Bucky, with bright eyes and he swore, he would do anything for these eyes.

"What is that?"

"Uh- " Bucky wasn't sure how to explain it in a way a three-years old would understand. "-Every soldier has one. It uh- has my name on it and some other information."

"Is it if you get lost?" she asked, her little eyebrows raised high on her forehead. She did understand a lot of the world around her for her age. "Mommy put a card with her name and her phone number in my bag."

"Yeah, it's something like that."

Marley smiled at him and returned her attention on the letters’ reliefs on the metal. By the fourth stop, she was resting her head on his shoulder while he was still firmly (but not too much) holding her with his left arm. She kept holding his dog tag in her tiny fist and was patiently waiting.

"She is very sweet," the old lady sat on the seat in front of them said to him before leaving the train.

He nodded shyly and looked back at the little girl in his arms. Marley looked so much like you. Her face had still some baby features, she just turned three after all, but she had the same nose and her eyes had the same color as yours. They were the same piercing eyes that when they’d look at him, he felt like they could read his soul. And she did not just look like you. She had also some of your habits and personality traits. She would always be smiling to people she didn’t know. She was always saying ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’. She was obsessed with any kind of animal; the Sundays walks would last forever if she could pet all the dogs she encountered.

The rest of the ride was quiet, and Bucky got off the train on the seventh stop as planned. At the station, people turned on them as they passed. Maybe this was an odd sight: a man in combat boots, dark jeans, and a black leather jacket, carrying a small child in his arms. Especially knowing the kid in question was wearing white leggings, a red fluffy coat, and a stuffed panda backpack. Bucky didn't mind and continued his way to your place.

    Marley stayed quiet for the five minutes’ walk to your place, but once Bucky had turned on your street, she wriggled to be freed of his hold. Once her feet touched the ground, she directly ran towards a car parked not far away. She squatted down and started clicking her tongue. A ginger cat immediately came out from underneath the car.

"Careful," Bucky called out. He knew it was not recommended interacting with stray cat as they could be sick with all sorts of disease. And to be fair, it got him a little worried the cat was getting this close to Marley. He could already see her getting bitten by the cat, getting rabies, and losing her arm, or worse: dying.

"That's Gus, he lives at number 7," she said pointing at the building they stopped in front. It had the number written on it.

Gus started rubbing itself against Marley's shins and she gently petted his back. The cat then went to rub on Bucky's combat boots, also greeting him even though they never encountered before. And it continued his way to the building's porch, where it lazily lay down.

"Mommy said we could have a cat when we get a house."

"I've got a cat," Bucky stated and Marley cried out in excitement. She asked him about a hundred questions. What was its name? What was it looking like? Was it friendly? Was it sleeping in his bed with him at night? Bucky never failed to answer one of her questions and they talked about that until they made it in front of your apartment door.

    Marley was already on her way to her room when Bucky turned around after locking the door. She had removed her shoes and coat on her own and left them behind without putting them away like you would always request it.

"Uh-uh, we go wash your hands first, okay?"

After that was done, she ran to her room for good this time. Bucky went back to the living room and focused on what he could do to help you. He knew you would get home exhausted from your day at work and he did not want to have you do all the chores you usually did. It was the least he could do.

Somehow, your place was always tidier than his, and he lived on his own. In the kitchen, he found breakfast dishes in the sink and the dishwasher full of the dishes that had been cleaned the night before. That was where he would get started. He put away the dishes easily; he had been around your kitchen a lot those last months and he knew exactly where everything was. He even knew where you were hiding away the chocolate and candies; somewhere Marley didn't have access to.

"Hey Bucky, can I have snacks?"

A look at the watch sitting on his right wrist, she had still a good hour and a half before dinner and he replied positively. He wiped his hands on the dish towel resting on his shoulder and took one of these bamboo sectioned plates he just washed. He was reaching out to the first cupboards in front of him when it suddenly appeared to him, he had no idea what he could give her.

"What does your mom usually give you?" He asked Marley, turning back to her.

Marley shrugged. "Carrots and hummus." And Bucky swore this kid was eating healthier that he ever had.

He started by the fridge, looking for anything he could give to Marley. Thankfully, she wasn't a picky eater so it would be easy for him. Tonight's dinner was in it, along with some vegetables and fruits. He chose grapes because it was the only food, he could see himself eating at that time of the day.

"Grapes and uh-" he looked at the cupboards right next to the fridge "- crackers?"

Marley nodded. Bucky prepared it all on her plate, making sure there was just enough for her to be full but not too much so she would still eat dinner, and handed it to her. She carried it carefully to the living room, Bucky following behind. She had laid out all her crayons on the coffee table next to her Paw Patrol coloring book. He knew about this cartoon because it was the only one Marley ever wanted to watch, she was literally obsessed with it, and she did make him watch some episodes with her. He knew that, when she was playing alone in her room, she would usually pretend she was saving the world with them.

Bucky sat on the carpet, next to Marley, stealing one grape from her plate. She threw him a death glance but offered him some more if he would help with the coloring. He happily complied.

    Before dinner was normally bath time. Thankfully, you had said over the phone you would deal with that in the morning. For some reason, Marley did not like baths. A little bit of water in her eyes or ears was too much for her to handle and he wasn't sure he could deal with her being so upset on his own.

He still got her changed in her pajamas - she obviously chose the one with the dalmatian puppy from Paw Patrol you had agreed on buying a few weeks ago; washed her face with a cotton pad and some cleansing lotion, brushed her hair and tried the best he could to tie them in a low ponytail. You would normally braid them for the night, but this was not something Bucky mastered at all - he made a mental note to watch some tutorials on YouTube to learn though.

"Will you and mommy get married?" Marley asked out of nowhere while Bucky was carrying her back to the kitchen to have dinner.

"I don't know," he said, confused. "Why do you ask?"

"I prefer you over my real daddy," Marley admitted. And it broke his heart. Bucky knew how her dad forgot about her third birthday and missed most of his custody days lately. He didn't really understand how somebody could have a child and knowingly decide not take care of them anymore.

The child in his arm was so precious. It amazed him every day how much she could comprehend of the world around her. She was smart, creative, kind. She knew what she wanted, would be very stubborn about it and would do anything to get it – you always said you didn’t understand where she got her fierce mind and Bucky laughed every time because he knew exactly from whom she had gotten it: you. You did such a good job raising her on your own. He also knew you would always choose her over him, and he had to admit, it made him fall in love even more with you.

"Even if I'd marry your mom, I still wouldn't be your daddy officially."

"To me, you would," Marley concluded as if it was as simple as that.

Living with you two permanently. Marrying you. Bucky never thought of it. He liked how this relationship was working: the kindness, the trust, the love. He loved the movie dates with you, the Sundays walks, and the evening just the three of you. He loved how simple it all was and how it made him just happy. Happiest he had been in a long time. And he wondered if he wanted more. The way his heart was fluttering in his chest made him realized, he did. He didn't know if he was ready though.

    Back to the kitchen, he put her down on her seat before getting the casserole of potato gratin out of the oven. He put a small portion in her plate, next to some chopped carrots and apple sauce he already prepared. He put it down in front of her and sat next to her.

"Will you eat with mommy?"

"Yeah, is that alright?"

She nodded, rubbing her eyes. They had stayed coloring her books a little too long and it was nearly her bedtime. Smiling softly, he encouraged her to eat. She did while asking some more questions on his cat in between each mouthful. How old is it? Why did you name it Alpine? Has mummy already met it? Do you think she'll like me? Turned out this little one never run out of question.

After dinner, Bucky gave her a small portion of chocolate from the special cupboard and they agreed it would be their little secret. Then, he carried her to the bathroom to brush her tiny teeth. It was started to be late for her and she was clearly fighting against sleep, the lack of it upsetting her.

"I want to see mommy," she cried, lips trembling and eyes full of tears.

"I know Mar-Mar, she'll get there soon," Bucky tried to comfort her. You hadn't text yet, meaning you weren't on your way still. He knew Marley would be asleep before you got home. "We can read a book in your bed while we wait for her, yeah?"

Marley nodded and let Bucky carry her to her bed. She had her head rested on his right shoulder the whole time. She crawled under the covers the moment her body was dropped off on the bed. She let Bucky choose the bedtime story and he chose the one he knew she liked so much.

He laid beside her gently and she immediately reached out closer to him. He wrapped his right arm around her, and her hands somehow found his dog tag again. A small kiss on her forehead and Bucky started reading the book in his left hand. Marley was listening carefully, helping him by turning the page.

At the end of the story, she was fast asleep against him, his dog tag still in her tiny fist. Bucky did not dare moving, afraid he would wake her up if he did. He observed the small child against him and listened to her soft breathes. She looked so peaceful and it made him thought of the way she had welcomed him into her life. Just like you, she had taken him as a whole; with his trauma, his insecurities, his quietness, and his staring habits. And now, she had him wrapped around his little finger. He knew deep in his guts he wouldn't let anything happen to you or your daughter. He realized that now. That made him think some more: maybe he was ready after all. And this time, he would not let happiness slip away from him.

  Bucky stayed like that until twenty minutes later, when you showed up on your daughter’s room doorstep. You looked exhausted yet still radiant. A smile had formed on your lips at the sight in front of you. It made you melt right on the spot.

"Hey," Bucky greeted you softly.

You came closer, walking on your tiptoes, careful of not waking up your daughter. You laid besides them, kissing your daughter little fist, and tucked yet another strand of hair behind her ear. You looked back at Bucky, who was intensely staring at you. His left arm was already wrapped around your shoulders, bringing you close. You kissed his jaw, making him smile gently. "Thank you for taking care of her. Did it go okay?"

"More than okay." He kissed your forehead while you snuggled closer to him. His heart could burst of the feeling of having you two near him forever.

He wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

[kimnjss]

only you | jjk

⤑  series: cherry pickers

⤑ pairing: gamer(fuckboi)!jungkook x video vixen(virgin)!reader

⤑ genre: some angst :/... nd fluff!! (implied smut)

⤑ rating: explicit 

⤑ word count: 3.3K // unedited.

⤑ warnings: slight dry humping, groping, neck kissing, a lot of inner monologuing, yn turns her emotions on nd off (lowkey scary), there are some tears, jungkook shows up w a ponytail nd glasses (what the actual fuckkk), 

⤑ A/N: uhm!? i think there’s like one more chapter left ., hello??? this was wicked fast i didn’t expect it but yeah . pretty sure there’s one more after this one guys??? 

JUNE 15TH, 2020 | 23:43

Fighting Jimin. That's the only solution you can come up with for the way he's been acting the past few days. You had to fight him. Not only did he post, and tag!, you in an image of you and Jungkook... from a happier time, he has been 'accidentally' sending you alike pictures and even gone as far as to ask you to find a picture of the two of you for him to post.

What was his problem? It was like he was ignoring the fact that the two of you were on the rocks? All for what? To further this brand new interest in photography that really didn't have to include either you or Jungkook? 

It was annoying. The constant reminder of the good thing that you had, which was always directly followed by the worry of whether or not the two of you would be able to get back to the way you were. Of course, you wanted to be with Jungkook. You... had really strong feelings for him, but at the same time, you weren't sure if the Jungkook you fell for even existed.

What if it was all an act?

It didn't feel like one. Jungkook always seemed so genuine, so pure whenever he was with you. He took his time getting to know you, it really felt like he was himself around you. And he really has no given you any reason to doubt your relationship before, so why now? 

He explained himself, has given you the space that you asked for... so were you just being stubborn? Overreacting? Or reacting just the right amount? You couldn't tell, but the more you thought about it the stronger the urge to just go and see him grew. And Jimin's daily semi-hourly messages for couple shots of the two of you were not helping.

Now it seemed like every little thing reminded you of him. Had been doing such a great job at removing him from your thoughts, but with each scroll through your camera roll, you're hit with another memory and then swarmed with the countless memories you made in your own home.

You contemplated selling the place but ruled that as crazy. Maybe you'd just rent it out? Something. Anything so that everywhere you turn, you wouldn't be bombarded with all things Jungkook. The couch where the two of you spent nights cuddled up, kitchen where he'd cook for you, bedroom where you...

It was all becoming too much, a little bit overwhelming at times too. But bearable if you concentrated hard enough. You weren't really breaking until late one night. No text from Jimin, but you still found yourself scrolling through your camera roll. Smiling at a picture the two of you had taken.

Just of your fingers intertwined over the middle console of his car, nothing major but you find yourself missing how well his fingers fit in yours. The simple way you'd trace the tattoos printed on his knuckles. They were always so warm in yours and he never minded how cold you always were. Took it upon himself to warm you up. Oh! And the way he'd mindlessly reach for your hands whenever you were laying together, toying with them as he rambled about God knows what.

You missed him. So much, it hurt. All you wanted was to be near him, fuck everything else. Why did everything else have to be so complicated? Why did you have to ever find out about that stupid bet? Things were so much better when you had no idea what he and his ex-friends talked about. He'd still be in your arms right now, playing with your fingers if it wasn't for that.

Before you even have the chance to stop yourself, fresh tears are rolling down your cheeks. A sob breaking through your throat as salty droplets land on the screen of your phone. For the first time, in a very long time, you feel lonely. And the only person that you want to be with is Jungkook. Positive if you were in a room full of people and he wasn't there, this lonely feeling wouldn't go away.

You needed to call him. Hear his voice, his laugh, anything. You needed him.

The phone only rings once before he's picking up, sounding out of breath as if he had been working out. Little did you know, Jungkook had been waiting weeks for your call. Ready to run the moment your familiar ringtone was blaring through his phone speakers. His voice is breathy, but it still makes your heart skip a beat. “Hello?”

“Jungkook,” As soon as his name is leaving your lips, you're realizing how much you've missed saying it. And that thought alone has you crying harder. “Jungkook...” You repeat with a heavy sigh, head falling in your hand as you try to wipe the tears that just won't stop coming.

He shushes you on the other line, the sound of your cries has a crumbling feeling taking over his chest. He hated that he's the reason you sound like that, that he's the one that hurt you. All he wants to do is hold you and tell you that everything was going to be okay, but he wasn't sure if that would be the truth.

There was only one thing that he could tell you that he was sure of. So he's apologizing, over and over again. For what he did, for what he didn't do, for making you cry. The pained sound of his voice only has your sobs growing louder, because he's hurting too. None of this made sense, you wanted to be together. So why not just be together?

“C-can you come over... please?”

He's nearly rushing for the front door at the quiet sound of your voice. Had hoped to hear you say that, wanted nothing more than to be with you right now. Even if it was only for a little while. He missed you, all he wanted was to see you. Three weeks was too long for him to spend away from you.

Then again, this wasn't about him. “Are you sure?”

“No. I feel like I'm all broken up. And it's your fault... but only you can make me feel better. I know that.” You're huffing, obviously frustrated with yourself. Ruffling is heard from your end of the phone and he can only imagine you're roughly wiping at your face. One final sniffle sounding, followed by a sharp clear of your throat. Mentally deciding that that was enough. No more crying.

He can almost feel the wall going back up, shielding him from the emotions you had let slip. Locking them back up where they couldn't make you look weak. He can even hear the difference in your tone now as if you hadn't just been crying to him two seconds ago.

“Yeah, come over.”

JUNE 16TH, 2020 | 00:27

Jungkook shows up at your front door almost immediately. Did not need to be told twice, he was on his way as soon as the words were leaving your mouth. Handsome, like he always is. 

Long hair pulled out of his face, you had said it was cute once so he figured he'd try to appeal to you. His white long sleeve is clean, baggy gray sweats hanging low on his hips. He looks like your Jungkook. Despite the weeks you spent apart, he still looks the same. So inviting, you wanted to be in his arms.

A pair of glasses rest on the tip of his nose and through them, you can see the slight red of his pretty brown eyes, the puffiness that surrounds them. Jimin had mentioned a few times before how much he's cried in the past few weeks, you never thought it would be this obvious though. It makes your heart hurt.

He's closing the door behind him after you let him in, kicking his shoes off in the threshold and then staring at you. Neither of you sure what to do next, what to say. It's the first time that you feel awkward around each other and it kills you. Nothing was ever awkward with Jungkook, he was always so eager and obvious.

But now, it was like he didn't even know where to look.

“You can go sit down,” You say after a while of just standing there, silently competing to see who can avoid eye contact the longest. 

It's weird, normally he'd be kicking off his shoes and heading straight to the couch. Demanding that you sit too so he can put his head on your lap. Much different from the careful steps that he takes across the living room as if he's never been there before. He's sitting with his head bowed, hands clasped in front of him.

And you almost expect him to mumble out a: 'Nice place you got here,'. He doesn't. What he does do has you almost convinced that things aren't so bad between the two of you now. In the shyest, sweetest Jungkook voice, he's saying, “Come sit with me too,” It's quieter than you're used too, but still holds a certain familiarity to it that you can't mask your smile.

There's a lot you need to get off your chest, but you have no idea where to start. You don't have it in you to be mad at him anymore, it had you feeling heavy all this time and you just wanted to let it go. You just wanted to be with him, but you knew that in order for that to happen properly... the two of you needed to talk.

“You told me you loved me.” His words have been like a skipping record since he was rushing them out. Despite the undesirable nature, he was telling you, he had still told you and it hasn't left your mind since.

Jungkook's eyes are going wide, cheeks turning pink, caught off guard with the way you're able to just blurt it out. He had said it and meant it, never thought about taking it back. But wished he had done it differently. At the moment, he was panicked, worried that he was losing you so it came out.

If he had the chance to do it again, he'd come up with a speech, something that let you know how much you mean to him, how lucky he thought he was to get to be with you... and then he'd say it. Not in the midst of an argument as an attempt to get you to stay with him. That was fucked on his part, though.

And there was nothing he could do about it, the cat was already out of the bag. “Yes. I said that. And I meant it.” He's not sure where you're going with this conversation if you're preparing him for the clean break of your relationship or whatever, but he urges himself to be patient. You're the one in charge because he had hurt you.

This was your call.

“I know you have changed, Jungkook. You're so much different from when I first met you. I can see that. I just... the bet made me doubt whether or not the changes I saw were genuine. I didn't know what to believe, but now.” Weeks upon weeks, you spent thinking about this. Weighing your options, thinking, and rethinking the situation. You wanted to be right.

You wanted this to be right. “Now, I want to believe you, Jungkook. How you were when you were with me... I don't think someone can fake that. I kinda knew you loved me before you said it, you know? I could feel it or whatever. I don't think something like that could be all for pretend,” You're not even looking at him, but you can feel the way hope lifts his body.

He's all but jumping at the chance to assure you. “It wasn't pretend, I swear. Every last thing between us was all real. I fell in love with you, Yn. I love you.” He's reaching for your hands, lacing your fingers together. His are warm against yours and the warmth is quickly spreading throughout your entire body.

Warming your cheeks and coaxing fresh tears to pool at the brim of your eyes. “I love you too,” If you had held it in a second longer, you're positive you would've puked. Something like that needed to be said out loud. And from the way his face lights up from your slightly teary confession, it's worth it.

Jungkook moves before he can stop himself, leaning forward to cover your lips with his. It's a soft, quick kiss that doesn't last long before he's realizing what he's doing. Quick to pull away, that light pink dusting over his cheeks as he mumbles out an apology.

“It's okay. Just, uhm, one more thing.” He's leaning back to give you some space you don't exactly favor. Fingers pushing through his hair as he nods, teeth and tongue working over his lip. “Of course. What is it?”

He looks ready to fix any issue you might have with being him and you don't doubt that he'd work himself making sure that everything was all right. That's the thing, though. There weren't any real problems being with him, Jungkook was a good guy. You knew that and he showed you time and time again, just in case you forgot.

Being overwhelmed in the moment had you losing sight of that, doubting him in ways that he never gave you a reason to. He was always good to you, since the beginning. And that was something you found a little hard to understand. “Why me? I mean, it's no secret you've had a plethora of girls knocking on your door. So how come you chose me to fall in love with?” A tiny insecure thought that popped in your head from time to time, but a lot more in the past few weeks.

What made you so different?

The sound of his laugh is the last thing you expect to hear. His pretty smile rests on his lips as the sweet sound dies down, eyes shining as he looks at you. “I didn't choose you, baby. I got lucky and you chose me. And I have zero complaints. I don't know if you know this, Yn. But you have really high standards. You make me want to be better for you.” He's confident this time when he reaches for you, hands settling on your hips as he tugs you toward him.

A natural position between the two of you, sat up with your legs draped over his hips his stretched out behind you. Crazy how perfectly you fit in his arms. “No one has made me feel the way you have. Only you.” You're embarrassed with how dramatic your heart is for this man.

Fingers brush hair from your face as he leans closer to you, nose just barely brushing against yours. “Does that answer your question?” Using that deep voice of his that you only recently discovered. Eyes lifting to look at you through his long lashes, your entire body heats up from the look alone.

“Yes, it does.”

The corners of his lips lift into a smile, fingers tracing the side of your face to tip your chin up toward his. Gaze dropping to your lips, then back up to your eyes. “Can I kiss you now?” There's something about him asking that makes you want it more.

Paired with the patient way he sits awaiting your answer, holding you close but still giving you space. Subtle things that he did to make sure you were comfortable, make sure that he was never pushing too much. Jungkook was constantly proving to you that you could trust him, without a word.

And you do, trust him. With everything you do. So you don't even have to think twice about nodding your head, welcoming his lips onto yours. His fingers tangling in your hair to hold your head in place as his mouth moves over yours. Kissing you the way that he's dreamt of after all this time.

He's missed you. Being apart from you was something that he never wanted to do again and he was going to make sure that neither of you would have to experience that again. His warm tongue glides over your lower lip and you're sure he's going to push his way through.

But he doesn't, instead, he's dragging his teeth over your skin, dragging your lip back as you pull away. It's hot. The feeling of his teeth pressed into your skin, the look on his face as he does it. You can't help the soft moan that falls from your lips. A sound that goes straight to his pants.

“Tell me that thing again, you know? About how you feel about me...” There's a hint of blush on his cheeks. It makes you feel warm all over. Lifting your arms, you wrap them around his neck, scooting a bit lower on his lap. Hips pressed against his.

You think about teasing him, acting as if you have no idea what he's talking about. One look at the slightly nervous look on his face is stealing all of that way. As if you wouldn't say it again like the first time had been a fluke. Yeah, right.

Lips molded against his, you place a sweet kiss on them. Smiling brightly as you pull away, lifting your gaze to look him right in the eye. He needed to know that you meant business when you said what was coming next. “I love you, Jungkook. Only you.” He's kissing you again before the words can fully leave your lips, hand pressed firmly on your back as he holds you to him.

The slow lift of his hips, dragging a moan from you. “I just told you I love you. Why are you hard?” Your giggle vibrates against his lips. Jungkook does nothing to pull back, lips still sealed together as he murmurs.

“It's a love boner,” He groans softly, rolling his hips up. Using the grip he holds in your hair to tilt your head back, trailing his lips down toward your jawline. Sucking wet kisses into your skin, creating a path toward your collarbones.

Your laughter is interrupted by a moan, your own hips moving at their own accord into his. His cock dragging against your core through the fabric of your clothes, but you can still feel him as if you were bare. His freehand is traveling down your back to grip your ass, encouraging the movement of your hips.

Gruff grunts leave his lips from the friction and it takes everything in you to concentrate on your words. “S-shut up, those aren't real. All you think about is sex,” Ignoring the moans that lace your words and the insistent roll of your hips. He's the focus subject here.

Jungkook is shaking his head quickly, pulling back to get a good look at your face. Already flushed and he was just getting started. “Correction. All I think about is you. How my body reacts is not my fault,” You laugh to hide your blush, hand reaching out to shove at his shoulder.

“You're an idiot,” You're mumbling out, which he assumes is code for some term of endearment in your head. He'll take it, leaning down to press yet another soft kiss to your lips.

There was no way he'd grow tired of the feeling he got from kissing you. “And I love you. And you love me too. So let's make love,” It's corny, so you have no idea why your heart is screaming, fighting against your rib cage to get to him. But you've learned to not have everything figured out when it came to Jungkook. Things were the way they were and you liked them exactly that way.

You loved it.

— known for your body and surrounded by rumors about your sex life… rumors that he doesn’t think to doubt. until he’s meeting you… forced to realize there’s much more to you then the thonged shorts and lacy costumes.

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[damnlance]

Klance angsty prompt 6 please 👀

Klangst Prompt #6

6. “You’ve never hurt me. Ever”

Summary: Lately, Lance has been stressed beyond the point of breaking… The end of the war was 3 years ago and yet, it’s not enough time to pass for Lance to feel better. Not even close. Everyone has always called him a hero. And since the day they landed back on earth, everyone has gone so far to ask for photos and autographs and all that. These days Lance is sick of it.

Or; the pressures of being the ‘savior of earth’ has been building up inside of Lance, causing him to erupt on any and everyone.

Good thing he has his amazing boyfriend.

-there’s a slow start, but I PROMISE it’s klance so just keep reading!

-also galra (kitten) Keith ?? I love him

-

It all started with a fangirl just a few weeks ago.

Lance decided to walk to his favorite coffee shop one chilly afternoon. He woke up really late and was immediately craving something sweet yet bitter. And since he lives with most of his family, running out of coffee five days after buying a brand new pack of it is very common, especially when no one wants to buy more for whatever reason.

So there Lance was, walking down the street. Hands tucked into his blue lion hoodie (thanks to all the merch the fans of voltron have made over the years), making his way to the closest coffee shop near his home. And then he hears the high pitched squeal of a girl at least 10 feet away from him. Then 9 feet.. then 6.. then 4 because she’s literally running at him with the speed of a hundred cheetahs chasing a gazelle until she’s right there, face to face with Lance.

“Oh my god!!” She yelled, jumping up and down like some 5 year old girl getting a puppy. She was about 5’7, short brown hair and huge blue eyes that almost resembled Lance’s. She wore this giant faux fur coat and beanie to match, and her phone was IN LANCE’S FACE.

She was all over him and it was attracting others to stare their way. Lance tried to calm her down by smiling and using a little of his charm but it was just making the girl fangirl even more. So he took a picture with her to be on his way before the coffee shop got too busy. But she wouldn’t back off. Apparently she wasn’t satisfied with the picture, something about how her eyes were closed? Or how blurry it came out? Lance couldn't remember, he just wanted his coffee.

The girl kept hounding him and following him, demanding that he retake the picture with her. Lance let her down easy, saying how he needed to be someplace important and that he was running late. The girl kept pushing him. Following his every move, right on his heels. Begging, pleading with him to take more pictures because she ‘needed them,’ whatever that meant. Lance tried his hardest to be nice and polite because as a former paladin of voltron and as one of seven someone’s who have saved the entire universe, his image is everything. Without him or his former paladins, there would probably be no earth. So he stopped in his tracks and took a better picture with the girl.

He felt good to see her happy because of something that he had done. Plus he looked really good in that picture, who knew the earth’s natural lighting at 1pm could make his skin look so smooth? Once he gave his approval of the better pic, he was on his way again, hoping that the line to the coffee shop wasn’t even longer now. As he started to fast walk down the busy sidewalk, something yanked him back by the neck and he came crashing down. Literally. He fell right back on his ass and when he looked up, this same crazy girl was looming over him like a mad woman. With his blue hand-knit wool scarf dangling from her grabby hands. The anger that had been simmering in Lance’s gut was at a full blown boil and he was just about ready to explode. So.. he kinda did..

Long and embarrassing story short, Lance yelled at her. He snatched his blue scarf out of her hands so fast, it scared her, and as he rubbed his most likely bruised tailbone, he got in her face and began blaming her for the world's most horrible fan interaction. He was so angry, that he balled his fists, stomped his foot and had veins protruding out of his neck and forehead. He called her names and most likely spit in her face, but he didn’t care. And when he was done, he took a step back and examined the girl in front of him. She was folded in on herself, holding her arms close to her body as her bottom lip quivered and fat, giant tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked so.. mortified. And actually.. scared of him. Like if Lance were to say anything or move a muscle, she’d flinch.

Seconds later, Lance’s face softened into something regretful and he went out to reach for her, to apologize. But, like he knew she would, she flinched. And then hurried away like he was a mad man. All the while crying and clutching her phone to her chest. Lance felt absolutely demolished inside. He tried to go after her but his feet were glued to the cement of the sidewalk. He didn’t even want his coffee anymore.

Thankfully, there were no viral videos or photos or posts about the incident. Lance ended up tracking the girl down a few days later and showered her with all the love he could muster, even taking as many pics as she wanted and liking them on Instagram when she tagged him. But.. something inside him still felt so horrible about the incident. For a moment, Lance had realized that he genuinely hurt that girl for no real reason. He just wanted some coffee but is coffee more important than the people who are thankful and want to show their gratitude for him for everything he did with voltron? If the roles were reversed and he stayed on earth, he would be bending over backwards to let all the paladins know just how thankful he was to live another day on their planet. That girl probably had family, friends, maybe a spouse and kids, and in the midst of that horrible battle 3 years ago, she most likely thought that one of those days would be her last with them.

It broke Lance’s heart thinking about it. He really hurt her. Sure, he made it right and she forgave him, but in that single moment, he actually hurt someone enough to make them cry, to make them run away from him. It was a terrible feeling. It wasn’t Lance. He never wanted that to happen again.

And at the same time.. he.. kinda never wanted to be the savior of earth. Not really.. he just wanted to feel like he had a place in the universe, and to know that he played an important role. That he mattered.

Guess he really matters now..

He sends a long text to Keith with shaky hands.

Message delivered..

The second he walked through the door, his phone rang. It was a three-way call with Hunk and Pidge. Lance pressed the green button to answer and placed the phone to his ear. Immediately, Hunk starts going on and on about how much he misses Lance and when the next time they’ll see each other will be. Lance smiled at his best friend’s inability to ever take a breath between sentences and replied with a warm ‘I miss you too, buddy.’ They got to catching up as Lance ordered his garlic knots and sat down at a private booth near the back of the place. He didn’t want to draw any attention to himself, especially when he got the call from his best friends.

Hunk tells him all the great things that’s been happening at the Garrison and even on the Atlas. He tells him how his restaurant is doing and how his family is doing and how Shay is doing. Pidge catches him up on things with her family, some new inventions she’s been working on, and how being the youngest teacher at the Garrison is going. Lance listens and gives his two cents on everything his friends tell him and honestly, he couldn’t be more happy for them. The way they were able to just get their lives together 3 years after the war is.. incredible. It made him think about everything he’s done since the war ended. Which wasn’t much.. he took over his family’s farm and brought it back to life, he helps out Colleen, Pidge’s mom, with medicine and finding cures to strange space illnesses with plants she has him grow on his farm, and his family’s market wouldn’t be as popular or swarming with business if he didn’t work there. Sad but true. And that’s really it. He hasn’t done much else. Nothing life changing or breathtaking like his friends.

But Hunk and Pidge don’t need to know that. So he simply replies with: “Oh, ya know.. same old, same old,” and hopes it works enough to keep the conversation flowing and follow up questions at bay. It does.

30 minutes into their conversation and Lance is starting to feel a little.. agitated. With the garlic knots consumed and digesting in his stomach, he sits in the booth, alone, listening to his friends go on and on and on about their perfect jobs and their perfect little lives. He gets lost a few times and at one point has literally no idea what they’re talking about. When he tries to ask what or who or even get the slightest details, Pidge lets out a sigh that Lance can’t help but feel like is out of annoyance. Lance sighs back and continues to stay silent because obviously he’s not getting anywhere. Why even bother putting him on a call that Hunk and Pidge could have just had on their own??

Balling his fist, Lance let out a loud, overdramatic sigh. He didn’t care if his friends heard it or how they took it. He was upset. The conversation between his two friends comes to a halt and then awkward silence. Pidge is the first to speak up with a:

“Something you wanna add, Lance?” The annoyance in her voice is very much there and Lance doesn’t miss it. He scoffs loudly and grits his teeth.

“No.” He says, voice deepening in anger.

“Oh really?” Pidge asks, poking the sleeping bear that lies dormant in lance. “Cause it sure sounds like it to me. Why don’t you stop being such a fucking child and tell us what’s bothering you this time??”

Lance damn near growls.

The line has gone quiet now. Hunk’s unsteady breathing is audible but other than that, silence. Lance digs his nails into the skin of his palms and tries to keep the angry tears in his eyes from falling down his cheeks. With a deep shaky breath, he smiles through the pain.

“You know what, Katie,” Lance spits and it makes Hunk gasp. “Fuck YOU and this stupid, shitty attitude you have all the time!”

“Oh, god..” Hunk winces.

“I don’t know what the actual fuck crawled up your ass,” Lance continues, “but I’m sick of it! I've been sick of it for years! I’m sick of keeping my mouth shut and quite frankly, I’m sick of YOU!”

Lance is standing up out of his seat now. His chest heaves up and down as the angry tears have fallen past his face and down his neck. His voice is two octaves deep from anger and the skin of his palm is bloody from how hard he’s digging his nails into it. The place has gone quiet now and Lance can feel multiple pairs of eyes on him. So much for not drawing any attention to himself.

The line is quiet. Then, the sound of a huff of breath. A small laugh.. And then:

“Wow. Nice one, McClain..” Pidge’s voice is small, but so full of something. “Go screw yourself, you asshole.”

The call ends. Whether Pidge or Hunk ended it, is unclear.

Minutes pass, and Lance is still standing in the same place with the phone to his ear. Tears are running down his face, and his Altean marks are buzzing so loud in his ears. His heart is pounding in his ribcage and ice cold sorrow runs through his veins..

He sends a long text to Keith with shaky hands.

Message delivered...

Now, exactly 3 months since that little incident, Lance sits alone in his home. In his childhood bedroom he can’t seem to rearrange because he’s still holding out hope that one day he’ll turn back time and be his child self and get a redo on his life. But hey, it’s better this way. After the whole dilemma with Pidge, Hunk tried to call Lance to help but ended up getting his feelings hurt. Yep. By Lance. Because Lance is a big jerk and can’t stop hurting everyone around him.

So he hasn’t talked to Pidge or Hunk since then. Mostly out of guilt and shame because those two are supposed to be his bestest friends and he hurt them. Nothing he could say or do could make up for his selfish mind and stupid mouth. Lance had this whole plan to go to Shiro about it, to get his advice so Lance could make it all better.

But Pidge being Pidge.. texted the whole thing in their group chat and.. well.. everyone saw it. Shiro, Hunk, Matt, even Keith possibly! It got so bad that Lance’s phone kept going off with alerts from everyone asking what happened and what he said. Curtis tried calling him and left a few messages. Shiro left him a long voicemail. And of course the word traveled so fast that it reached New Altea and Coran got involved. Which caused Romelle to be involved, too. She gossiped to Acxa, who told her girlfriend, who happens to be Lance’s sister, Veronica. Veronica blabbed to Rachel, who blabbed to Marco, who blabbed to Luis.. who blabbed to Lance’s dad.. WHO BLABBED TO LANCE’S MOM. And boy did she have some interesting words for him in the SEVEN, LONG voicemails asking exactly ‘what happened’and ‘why The Holt siblings were so angry with him.’

Everything escalated so fast. Lance can’t even remember what he said. Or why he said it. Since the war ended, it’s been so hard on him. Sure, it’s been hard on everyone, but for Lance it’s been different. Everyone looks up to him for some reason and expects him to do so good and be the hero they all think he is, when in reality? He was just a leg…

Exactly what did he gain from being a paladin of voltron anyway?? Get banged up and bruised almost everyday he was out there? Have people on his case, constantly reminding him how unimportant he was to the team? Pointing out all of his flaws and mistakes and focusing on those when there’s a million other good things he’s done that towers over all the bad shit?? Sure, he returned home to his family who he literally missed and cried for every single day, but he lost the love of his life in the process.

To put it all out there, Lance didn’t really gain anything. He got to travel through space, which was his dream since he was a little kid, and then space chewed him up and spit him out as some fake hero with PTSD and other trauma that will haunt him for the rest of his pathetic life.

So.. these past 3 months.

Lance has been sitting up in his childhood room.

Wishing he could use the power of Altea or something to turn back time.

And be his younger self.

His innocent self.

His happier self.

Back when he wasn’t so fucked up and had dreams and goals.

Back when everyone was proud of him.

Back to when he didn’t know who Allura was or that she even existed. Back to when Voltron didn’t exist either and everything was fucking fine.

Staring up at his ceiling, Lance counts the glow in the dark stars that he’s had up there since he was six years old. Somehow they’re still glowing and Lance is thankful for that because at 3 in the morning when the world is fast asleep and everything is pitch black, he could use the light.

It comforts him. Reminds him of a simpler, more happier time in his life.

Something sharp digs through Lance’s chest as he stares at those fake neon stars, and it hurts really bad. His breathing begins to quicken, matching the beat of his heart, and a lump finds its way up his throat. Tears pool in the rim of his eyes and spill down the corners, streaming down the sides of his face.

And they don’t stop. The stars get blurrier as Lance’s breathing gets heavier. His body begins to tremble with every hiccup of a sob that pours out of him and he’s crying so hard that his brain throbs in his head.

He curls in on himself in his bed and wraps his arms around his torso, crying uncontrollably into his space themed pillow. His Altean marks begin to buzz and glow and he can’t bring himself to care because all he wants to do is disappear.

Disappear from this game called life.

He types a text to Keith with teary eyes and a quivering bottom lip.

Message.. deleted…

As 3 in the morning turns to 4, a pod lands in the grass just a couple yards away from Lance’s farm. Boot covered feet step out of said pod and touch the wet grass waiting for them. It’s still dark out and the only light visible are the fireflies that buzz around a pair of cowboy booted feet. Those booted feet begin to walk, carrying a tall, broad, raven haired stranger up a hill to Lance’s home. The frogs and crickets seem to grow louder as the stranger in black cowboy boots makes their way to the front porch and pulls back the creaky screen door to a cold, locked doorknob. A set of keys are pulled out and a specific blue key is pushed inside the lock, turning and unlocking the door. The stranger walks in and is instantly met.. with..

Crying??

“H-Hello??” The stranger calls out. “Lance?”

The crying stops.

It’s dead quiet..

The door shuts on its own and the echo around the house is eery.

Light footsteps descend the stairs and before they know it, the stranger is being tackled to the ground in a bear hug.

“Ah-! Lance!?” They yell as the duffel bag from their hand falls to the ground.

“Keith!!” Lance yells out, voice rasped from endless crying.

Keith can immediately hear it and wraps his arms around Lance so tight, holding him close. His eyes glow yellow, something that usually happens out of fear, anger, or protectiveness, and his lips protrude to make way for his double set of fangs that are ready to bite any and everyone.

“Lance!” Keith tries to sit up but is pinned to the ground with all of Lance’s dead body weight. “Lance, honey, are you hurt? What’s wrong??”

A hand through curly brown locks and Lance’s crying dies down. He snuggles his face into Keith’s neck and hiccups through a response. Something too incoherent for Keith to make out, but he feels it has something to do with why he was told to go home ASAP.

A few weeks ago, Keith was contacted by Acxa via video chat. They talked and caught up for a few minutes before Acxa told Keith the real reason for her call. She explained that Veronica was having a tough time reaching out to Lance and that he might be in some kind of trouble. Not knowing the full extent of the story, Acxa only told Keith what she heard from Veronica and others. Fearing the worst, Keith packed up his shit and set a course for Earth as fast as he could.

Unfortunately, there were some setbacks on his way over where he had to make a few stops to tend to aliens in need because after all, that’s still his job as a blade member, but when that got finished, Keith hightailed it over. His Galra instincts wouldn't allow him to stay away for much longer anyway and having accepted his galra side a long time ago, it would have been best for everyone to let him go home.

Keith now lays in Lance’s bed, every inch of Lance’s body wrapped up around him like a snake. Keith strokes Lance’s hair soothingly and holds him close to his chest, right over his beating heart. A deep, soothing purr emits itself from Keith’s body and calms Lance’s nerves right down to the bone. Keith knows how much Lance adoreshis Galran features and at this point, Keith would do absolutely anything for Lance to feel better.

They talked about everything that happened and are now in the cuddle stage. Lance has his eyes shut, listening to Keith purr just for him. Long limbs wrapped around every inch of his boyfriend while Keith’s long nails scratch at his scalp, life is so good.

Life is so good with Keith around.

“So,” Keith says, voice as calm as ever. “What exactly did Pidge say?”

“Oh,” Lance answers, his voice quiet as a mouse. “You didn’t see the messages in the group chat?”

“No.” Keith shrugs, laying his cheek against Lance’s forehead. “Been kinda busy.. And I actually don’t understand how a group chat works.”

That rises a chuckle out of Lance as he sits up a bit to reach for his phone on the bedside dresser.

“Idiot,” he whispers with a small smile on his face and it makes Keith light up, his purring becoming a bit louder.

Lance lays back on Keith’s chest as he scrolls through the messages on his phone. When he finds the message from Pidge, Lance clears his scratchy throat and sniffs.

“From Pidgeotto,” he starts, looking at Pidge’s name in their ✨Paladudes✨ group chat. “Just an FYI lance is a.. a total fucking jackass and I am no longer friends with him..”

Keith immediately frowns at that.

Lance continues. “He can suck my big toe for all I care. I’m done with him. Have fun being a lonely loser @LanceyPants.”

“What the fuck?” Keith says, eyes glowing yellow in the dark room. “Why would she say that!?”

Lance shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes again. “Because she was right. I am a jackass..”

“Lance, no!” Keith sits up, bringing Lance with him. They sit side by side as Lance holds himself and looks down at his space blanket. He shrugs once and sniffs.

“Keith, stop,” he says, wiping a tear from his eye. “Look, I said some very hurtful things to her and she lashed out in a perfectly normal way..”

“Normal!?” Keith scoffs, grabbing Lance’s phone and rereading the message again. “Jackass? Loser?? Come on, Lance, she’s completely bullying you and you know it!”

Lance whips around with an angry expression on his face “Because I deserve it!”

The room grows quiet. Keith takes a deep breath and reaches over to grab Lance’s shoulders.

“Calm.” He says, taking a deep breath for Lance to mimic. Lance takes a deep breath with him and lets it out. Keith begins to purr again and it calms Lance even more.

“I.. Sorry..”

Keith nods. He reaches up to cup Lance’s cheek and rubs his thumb across Lance’s tear stained eye.

“You know I would never hurt anyone on purpose..” Lance sniffs. “That’s not who I am. I’m just.. I’m tired of being this symbol of everything strong and good and brave.”

“Mhm,” Keith rubs Lance’s back, leaning in closer to him to nuzzle his forehead. Lance nuzzles back and Keith’s purrs.

“I keep.. I keep hurting everyone I care about..” Lance whispers in a voice so low and fragile, it nearly shatters Keith’s heart.

“That’s not true.” Keith pulls back a little to look into Lance’s teary blue eyes. “Lance, you are the most incredible, selfless, honest person I’ve ever known. You are strong and good and brave even if you don’t mean to be. Or want to be.”

Lance pulls away and stares at his hands. Keith keeps his eyes focused on Lance.

“I know you think you hurt that fangirl from a few months ago.” Keith continues. “Or Pidge. Or Hunk. Or your parents or friend or family or whoever, but you could never hurt anyone.”

“Yeah, right,” Lance shakes his head. “I already did. I hurt everyone.”

“And even if that’s true,” Keith grabs Lance’s hands in his own, “which it’s not, you’re not doing it on purpose. You have a right to your own feelings! And you have a right to speak your mind.”

“And what if that hurts people??” Lance looks up and meets teary eyes to indigo ones. “What if I accidentally hurt my mama or my sisters or brothers, or nieces and nephews because I can’t be who they want me to be, who they think I am!?”

“Lance,” Keith shakes his head.

“What if I hurt you???” Lance’s eyes go wide. He looks Keith up and down and exhales a panicked breath. “God, Keith.. wh-what if I hurt you??”

“Oh, Lancey,” Keith sighs that lovey-dovey sigh where his eyes go all big and black like a cat’s, and the purr in his chest gets louder. “You’ve never hurt me. Ever.”

Lance stares into Keith’s eyes like they’re his lifeline.

“B-but.. but what if-?”

“No more what if’s!” Keith cuts Lance off by covering his mouth with his hand. “Listen to me, Lance. Are you listening??”

Lance nods repeatedly.

“Good,” Keith smiles, all crooked and cute and beautiful. “The only person you ever need to worry about hurting is yourself.”

And there it is. The one thing Lance has been dying to hear without knowing he’d been dying to hear it. It’s like a breath of fresh air, or cool rain on a hot and sweaty day. The permission he needed but didn’t really need. He has a right to care about himself and put himself first but whenever he tries, the guilt eats him alive. Why should he care about himself when he has to care more about others???

No. That’s not the case. It’s never been the case.

“You’ve gotta stop doing this to yourself,” Keith finishes, stroking the endless sea of tears that are falling from Lance’s eyes. He strokes Lance’s glowing Altean marks and leans forward to kiss one softly. Lance trembles slightly, closing his eyes to bask in the moment.

“I’m sure Pidge has gotten over it by now,” Keith reassures. “She just has too much pride to make the first more and apologize. You know how she is.”

“Y-Yeah,” Lance hiccups, nodding.

“And Hunk?” Keith scoffs. “I bet your mailbox is full of letters from him, explaining how sorry he is and hoping you’re doing alright. You know if he can’t reach you from your phone, he has other ways.”

That makes Lance smile.

“There’s probably cookies on the way right now.” He looks into Keith’s eyes, exhaling a small laugh.

“Oh, yeah,” Keith agrees, laughing that angelic laugh and showing off his perfect pearly fangs. Lance’s heart skips a fucking beat.

“And your fangirl?” Keith’s purring stops. “Well, she never should have gotten all up in your space that’s for sure. You had every right to punch her.”

“Keith!” Lance squeaks, face contorting into shock and confusion. “I-I didn’t punch her!”

“Really?” Confusion etches itself all over Keith’s features and he puts a finger to his chin. “I could have sworn I read that in your text.”

“No way, man!” Lance defends, waving his arms around. “Why would I ever in my life-!” He stops mid sentence to see the shit-eating grin plastered on Keith’s face.

“Just kiddin, lil lady,” Keith says in his best southern accent, smiling big and wide.

Lance bursts out into a fit of laughter, hitting Keith’s chest and arms and back. Keith shields himself and laughs, grabbing Lance’s arms and bringing him down onto the mattress. They fall back with Keith looming over Lance, his long raven hair surrounding their faces.

Lance stares up into those beautiful, indigo eyes and sniffs, unable to look away. He reaches up and cups Keith’s face, rubbing his thumb over Keith’s Galran stripe.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Keith asks in his softest voice, eyes roaming from Lance’s teary blue eyes to his luscious lips.

“Yes,” Lance nods, not even bothering to blink because if he does, he’ll miss Keith’s everything.

“Don’t let anyone get you down, my sweetheart.” Keith whispers, leaning in closer. “Ever.”

Lance nods.

“And if they do,” Keith’s face turns serious, indigo eyes going dark. “I’ll bite their throats out and hand them to you on a silver platter.”

“Keith,” Lance exhales, going red in the face and ears. “Holy shit, you can’t just say things l-like that.”

Keith’s hard demeanor falls as he giggles and leans in close. Before they close the gap between their lips, Lance whispers, “And hey. I thought pet names were my thing?”

And Keith kisses him to shut him up.

They kiss like they haven’t seen each other in years and it’s the greatest Lance has ever felt. Keith kisses like he’s starving for it, craving it so much more than air and it’s hot and powerful and so, so damn good.

Lance wraps his arms and legs around Keith’s body and kisses him back with fervor. He allows Keith to make him feel better, and kisses his pain away. Keith pulls away slowly, licking into Lance’s mouth before he does so. Lance lets out a small groan and smiles before he opens his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispers, tucking some hair behind Keith’s ear.

“I love you, more,” Keith whispers back, settling himself between Lance’s legs. “Feeling any better?”

“A little,” Lance looks away, sniffling a little. His eyes focus back to Keith’s and a small smile appears on his kiss swollen lips. “But I know a great way you can make me feel all the way better.”

“Oh, yeah,” Keith smirks, burying his face into Lance neck to start kissing slowly. “And what’s that?”

Lance giggles like a little kid, running his hands up and down Keith’s sides. When Keith pulls back, he trails his kisses up the side of Lance’s face and stops at his Altean mark.

“Make love to me,” Lance whispers, rubbing his nose against Keith’s. “Touch me all over and hold me until the sun comes up and just.. love me. Please..”

Keith’s face softens into something full of love and adoration. He moves forward to peck Lance’s lips, then his chin, and then his other Altean mark.

“Anything you want, my sweet..” he kisses Lance’s cheek. “Beautiful..” he kisses Lance’s jaw. “Amazing.. wonderful..”

“Alright, enough!” Lance laughs, slapping Keith in the back. His cheeks are on fire as he closes his eyes when Keith starts nibbling on his neck with his fangs. A chill runs down Lance’s spine and tingles to his toes, making them curl.

Keith sits up one last time and stares at Lance like he’s the world.

“I’ll take good care of you, baby.” He says with the utmost truth in his sultry voice. “I promise. We’re in this together.”

“Yeah,” Lance nods, letting his tears fall down his face and glowing Altean marks. “Together.”

And as Keith kisses Lance so lovingly, Lance can’t help but be glad that he can’t turn back time to be his younger self. Because with Keith around, he feels all the happiness in the whole world just like he did when he was young.

-END-

(send me a klangst prompt)

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[andypantsx3]

say the word and you know i’ll follow

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

status: complete

length: 3,262 words

summary: While moving in with Shouto, you get caught up reliving the scene of his confession. Quite literally.

(A smutty oneshot sequel to my fic if i could keep cool.)

tags: romance, reader-insert, fluff, smut

warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut, cunnilingus, light bondage

notes: Also cross-posted on my AO3! The manga really has me all in my Todo feels rn but I don't wanna write a whole other fic before I finish the Hawks one, so please have this fluffy smutty one shot as a compromise. It likely won’t make sense unless you’ve read if i could keep cool first, so please check it out if you have the time!

It was sweltering when you stepped outside to make your way to Shouto’s apartment.

A thin film of sweat immediately began to build wherever your skin pressed against the box you carried, and the sun beat down furiously on the crown of your head. You instantly started to second guess your choice to take the train, wondering how dumb of a move it had been to decline an alternative means of transit. It was going to be like being packed into a sardine can and roasted over a hot stove.

Shouto had offered to send an agency car, but there were only so many more times you were going to make the trip from your crumbling student apartment to his place, and you had wanted to make the most of it. You didn’t even really need to bring boxes over just yet--as Shouto had hired a moving company to take care of everything next week--but you didn’t want to lose anything that was inside this one. This one held all your most treasured items--keepsakes from your friends, a pressed white tulip, and all the gifts Shouto had ever given you (minus, of course, the vegetables).

Steeling yourself for an uncomfortable twenty minutes, you set off towards the station, weaving through the tired crowds of people who looked just as sun-weary as you. Thankfully, with a hat over your face and a box you could shift to obscure your features, very few people seemed to recognize you as you did so.

A lot of the media attention surrounding your mishap a year ago had died down, and you had been good about keeping your relationship mostly private, so you weren’t exactly a household name to most people. But there were enough twitter-savvy teens and meme-literate college students that you were sometimes recognized as you went about your daily life.

This time, you were only eyed curiously by one pair of teenage girls as they bundled into the train car across from you, but they didn’t say anything to you, didn’t ask you to reenact the most embarrassing five seconds of your entire life into their phones, as many often did. The box hid you from the rest of the train car, and no one else seemed to take interest in your presence.

After exiting the train at downtown, you made it to Shouto’s building in record time, all but rocket-fueled by your desire to get out of the hot sun. The security team in the lobby of his building gave you friendly nods as you passed, one of them graciously pressing the button for the elevator so you didn’t have to fumble around your box.

You thanked her, making your way into the elevator and elbowing the button for Shouto’s floor. The elevator was even cooler than the lobby, and you shivered in delight as the frigid chill of air conditioning washed over you. God, this building was so fucking nice compared to yours. You were going to be spoiled as fuck once you lived here.

You made it to Shouto’s floor without incident, though digging in your bag for your keys was impossible at the moment, so you knocked on his door as firmly as you could manage with the box still balanced in your arms.

There were a few seconds of silence. Then, the door swung open and Shouto stood there, grinning at you.

His hair still looked a little damp from a recent shower, and he was wearing a dark button up over a soft tee shirt and a pair of dark jeans. He looked unbearably good, as boyishly handsome as ever, and your heart gave an embarrassing little stutter, like it always did whenever you saw him. You suspected it was always going to be like that, no matter how long the two of you had been dating.

Shouto’s eyebrows went up as he considered the box in your arms. That heterochromatic gaze picked over you curiously, expression going carefully blank, like it typically did when he was up to some mischief. And then, after a long moment, he spoke.

“You’re not wearing the scarf,” he said, sounding upset.

You stared up at him, feeling your brow wrinkle. The scarf? It was fucking summer, and the scarf was neatly tucked away in the box you were holding. It was literally boiling hot just outside the well-air conditioned hallways of his building. Why on earth did he think you would be wearing--

You inhaled a little sharply when the answer hit you.

The scarf.

The scarf was the first thing he had mentioned the day he had finally confessed to you. Well, after you had confessed first, really, on national television earlier that week, that you were thirsty as hell for him and were also really bad at picking up subtle clues. Or overt clues. Or any clues, honestly.

But now you were standing in his hallway with a box again, and he was clearly remembering what had happened the last time you had done so.

You wracked your brain for what you had said to him in reply that day, trying to hone in on the words past the sudden swell of embarrassment.

“Uh, it’s in here,” you finally replied, gesturing to the box.

That grey and blue gaze dropped to the parcel in your arms, then flickered up to your face. You pushed the box at him, the way you had the day he’d confessed, feeling just as squirmish as you had then.

What else had you said to him? Something very watery and over dramatic, likely. Something like...

“It’s all, um, there--if you wanted to check,” you said. “Except for the vegetables obviously. But I can pay you back, if you give me a couple months.”

Shouto was clearly suppressing a smirk as he feigned curiosity. “Pay me….what?”

You suppressed your own absurd laugh, wondering how far down mortifying memory lane he wanted to go.

“I also wrote down a recommendation for a new cleaning lady, if you want,” you said, patting the top of the box. “It’s in there. Her name’s Mika, she’s super nice. And I can message you or your manager when I have the money. Just let me know which one you’d prefer. Or I can have Mika drop it off.”

Shouto gripped the box, then, long, elegant fingers pulling back the flaps for him to peer inside. He looked absolutely delighted to find the scarf actually within. In one fluid movement, he pulled the scarf out, depositing the box behind him, and turned back to grab your sleeve, pulling you quickly into the apartment with him.

“Okay, what are you doing with the scarf this time?” you laughed, breaking character.

One white eyebrow went up as Shouto gripped your wrist firmly, eyeing you closely as he pulled off your baseball cap.

“Mm,” he hummed absently in his deep tone. “Something I should have done the first time.” He caught your other wrist, pressing it into the sinfully soft fabric of your favorite accessory.

You looked at him, bewildered, feeling your mouth twist into a slight frown. You rather liked the way things had gone the first time around, considering that you had ended up with a boyfriend at the end of it all. What was his bone to pick with the first time around?

“Uh, if I’m recalling correctly, the first time went great,” you said to him. “Like, really really great. Christening your countertops several different times great.”

There was a flash of white teeth as Shouto grinned.

“Ah, but I missed an opportunity,” he said. A soft sensation slid over your other wrist, and you looked down in confusion.

Then it hit you what he was up to, and your face instantly went up in flames.

A firm tug had your wrists knotted together, and Shouto smirked down at you, tugging you closer by the silky fabric of your scarf. Your stomach swooped at the intent look in his eye.

“I had been upset you weren’t wearing the scarf,” he said. “But there was an easy way to fix that.”

You swallowed heavily, your tongue feeling strangely thick. Your brain was suddenly, but predictably, very very empty.

“Y-yeah. But technically you, um. You did fix it,” you babbled helplessly, limbs growing shivery with static as Shouto pressed closer. He was so warm, and he was so stupidly handsome.

“I’ve, uh, worn it a lot since,” you managed.

Shouto considered you quietly, a familiar, wry little smile pressing at the corner of his mouth.

Before you’d started dating, you’d been confused as hell by that expression, suspecting it meant he was bewildered by your very existence but was too polite to say so. After just over a year together, however, you had learned that was just what his face did when he thought you were being unreasonably appealing. Which, mystifyingly, was mostly when the working part of your brain disconnected from your mouth.

You scrounged around for other coherent words, thoughts thick and sluggish, like you were thinking through pudding.

Shouto, however, was merciful, putting an end to your suffering by leaning down and taking your mouth with his.

All the coherent thought you’d managed to dredge up melted away like frost under the morning sun. You pressed yourself closer to him, leaning up to give him better access to your mouth. Shouto kissed you as stupid as he always did before a hot hand came up to cup your face, thumb sliding over your cheek affectionately.

“It seems I’ve got you in the scarf as I had wanted,” Shouto said quietly, once he let you up for air. “But now I find that the scarf is all I want you in.”

You opened your mouth to respond, though what you might have said was as much a mystery to you as anyone. But all that managed to come out was a choked, breathy little noise.

Shouto laughed.

Then there were large hands on your waist, and the next thing you knew, you were staring down at the wood paneling of Shouto’s floor as it moved underneath you. Shouto adjusted you over his shoulder briefly, and then he was charting a brisk course to his bedroom, depositing you like an errant pillow back onto his sheets.

Your cheeks burned as he crawled over you, gaze hot and searching.

“Are you alright, love?” he asked.

You nodded vehemently, eyes pulled to the little flat sliver of his abs where his shirt had ridden up.

“Good, yeah, I’m so good,” you managed to garble out. You were going to be so embarrassed about this later, but as usual when it came to him, you really couldn’t help it. If you’d learned anything in the year you’d been together, it was that you would always have the world’s fattest crush on Shouto Todoroki.

Strong fingers came up to grasp your chin, tipping your face up for another searing kiss. You managed to loop your bound arms over the back of Shouto’s neck, tangling your fingers in his soft hair and pulling him down to you more firmly.

Shouto flattened himself against you, so that you could feel every strong plane of his body, every hard muscle. You shuddered, and you could feel Shouto smirk against your mouth.

“Like that, do you?” he asked, hands pulling at your shirt. You wiggled so that he could pull it out from under you, sliding it up to rest just below the scarf. In the next second he’d also gotten you out of your pants, so that you were mostly bare to him in the cool apartment air.

Shouto looked you over for a moment, looking like he still couldn’t believe you existed. “Having you over the countertops was something that I wouldn’t change. Something that I won’t change, once you move in.”

Your face went hot and you squirmed underneath him.

“However,” he said softly, “I believe I would have liked to have been more deliberate with you. Taken my time with you,” he paused. “Perhaps...I might have made you come once for every photo of me on your twitter.”

The tips of your ears went hot. Jesus Christ, he couldn’t be serious.

You had deleted that twitter over a year ago, and though he’d apparently been allowed access to the contents by his manager (rude) there was absolutely no way he could remember how many pictures of him you’d retweeted. You’d been the one doing the retweeting, and even you didn’t remember, though you thought the number was probably embarrassingly high.

“There was like, one,” you squeaked out.

Shouto’s smile went dark and he leaned over you, his perfect, infuriating mouth so close he might have kissed you again.

“Thirteen,” he said, mouth brushing yours as he spoke. “There were thirteen photos of me on your twitter. All while you tried so hard to act like you didn’t want me, that you wanted to be just friends.”

“Hey, you said you wanted to be my friend,” you protested. You jerked when his hand slid up your side to cup a breast, thumb slipping under the band of your bra.

“You weren’t accepting my gifts,” he said, fingers grazing your nipple. You bit down on an embarrassing noise, letting out a sharp breath. “How else was I to make you take them?”

You opened your mouth to respond but Shouto made another pass over your nipple, and a moan escaped you instead.

“That’s right, love,” he said encouragingly. “Now I’m going to make you give me something in return. Thirteen somethings, in fact.”

He peeled down the cup of your bra, fastening his hot mouth over your breast. You whined, twitching when he flattened his tongue, dragging it slowly over the point of your nipple. A strong arm came up to press your hands down over your head.

“Shouto, thirteen is insane,” you panted.

He paid you no mind, instead swirling his tongue in a way that made your vision blur.

A tugging at your wrists made you look up, in time to see Shouto one-handedly looping the long end of the scarf through the slats on his headboard and pulling tight. Your whole body clenched up at the implication.

The slide of fabric over your breasts told you that Shouto had also managed to get your bra up, and hot mouth closed over your other nipple, long fingers carefully plucking at the other. “We have all weekend, love. Thirteen is ambitious but quite possible.”

You made a weak noise of acknowledgement, hips shifting forward against his stomach.

Shouto laughed, hot breath ghosting over your breast, and then he was crawling down your torso, hands grasping your underwear. He pulled it down slowly, torturously, until he managed to get it off you, then pulled your knee over his shoulder.

You whimpered, feeling like you might actually pass out from how hot he looked, one thigh thrown carelessly over his shoulder, gaze intent, staring down at you like a starving man looking at a hot meal.

You squirmed, trying to pull your arms down to get your hands on him, but the scarf held fast, pulling more firmly over your wrists.

“Shouto, please,” you said, though whether you were begging for him to touch you or to let you go, even you didn’t know.

Shouto seemed to take it as permission. Those two-toned eyes passed over you hotly, and then he was leaning down, biting down gently on the inside of your thigh. You jerked violently, but he held you in place, mouth trailing slowly, slowly down to where you wanted him.

You thought you might actually black out before he got where he was going.

“I can’t believe I ever told you you were unwelcome in my apartment,” he murmured, sucking a slow bruise into the skin at the crease of your thigh. “Once you move in, I’m never going to let you leave it.”

“Oh my god,” you said.

Shouto’s tongue flicked out, catching the edge of your sex, and you tried not to choke on air.

Then, finally, he moved, fastening his mouth over you, exactly where you wanted him. All reason completely left you.

After that, everything was an unbearable flurry of feeling--a soft tongue swirling over you, the tickle of his bangs on your stomach, the press of broad shoulders between your knees. There was the rasp of his sheets between your shoulder blades, the slow, deliberate press of two fingers inside of you, a firm grip on your thigh, fingers digging in tightly.

You could feel every point of connection with him, every minute movement of his mouth over you, and the sensation built up into something so horribly, terribly good. You were unable to do anything but writhe and pant underneath him, babbling something that sounded like it might be an approximation of his name.

Shouto hummed and sucked softly, those long fingers curling inside you. He finally hit a spot that made you see stars, and you practically lifted off the bed, back bowing. Shouto licked you through it, tongue curling expertly around your clit while you sobbed out his name, only slowing when your body went slack, collapsing back into his sheets.

When you could see straight once more, you realized he was staring up at you, that wry smile curling the corner of his mouth again.

You fought down a blush, feeling an embarrassed grin pull at the corner of your own mouth.

“You’re unreal,” you said. “I can’t believe I’m going to get to have you all the time.”

Shouto pressed a short kiss to the skin of your hip. “You already have me all the time.”

You flapped a hand in its bindings. “You know what I mean. I can’t believe we’re going to live together.”

His fingers slid gently over the back of your thigh. “I’d have had you in here sooner, if you hadn’t insisted on graduating first.”

You laughed. He was always so very straightforward about whatever he wanted.

He had been making very unsubtle noises about living together only a few months into your relationship, but you’d insisted that you wait at least a year. He’d grown up with more conservative mores, having been raised a rich boy, and taking things quickly once he knew he was serious about you seemed to be the style of things. But you, despite your frankly unreasonable thirst for your own boyfriend, knew the value of taking things just a little bit slower.

So you’d waited a year, just to be prudent, though you’d known all along how things would end up.

And now he finally had his way.

“I’m all yours now,” you promised, laughing. “Soon you’ll be sick of me hogging the bed, and leaving books everywhere, and getting so blackout at the farmer’s market that we don’t have room for all the vegetables.”

“Ah, you’re using me for vegetable access,” he accused, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the smile he was attempting to smother into your thigh.

“A girl’s gotta have her priorities,” you grinned.

Something lit up in Shouto’s gaze again, and he shifted up against your thigh to lean over you more fully. His fingers gripped the back of your knee tightly.

“I'll make you pay for that,” he promised darkly. “Twelve more times.”

You shivered as he took your mouth again, fingers sliding back between your thighs with obvious intent.

And then you really did. You paid for it.

Twelve more times.

[ethrenisnotthehero]

@hogwartsmystory is a predator (final)

If you haven’t read the other parts of this callout, I encourage you to start here. As in both previous posts, the normal tags are not included in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.

TW: Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming

Originally, I intended to craft this final part to you, the reader, as an emotional appeal. To be wholly honest, there’s only so much evidence that can be utilized without either forcing Jill to relive unnecessary trauma or exposing deeply intimate or personal parts of her life. Until now, everything I’ve told you and everything I’ve shown you is what was enough to convince me when Jill first reached out to me. If you, the reader, don’t believe the factual information that’s been presented so far, then I don’t think that you will. If you, the reader, believe Jill and her story, then no further evidence is going to magically make her story more true.

However, I don’t have to. Instead, I can let the friends-- the family--that Ren created on his website speak for themselves, and show you with their own testimony just the kind of person he was. Jill wasn’t the only person that Ren hurt. Jill wasn’t even the only person Ren preyed on as a sexual predator. Many people on staff, and many people outside of it, knew Ren and grew to have what they thought was a close relationship with him. People regarded him as someone to look up to, to find comfort in, to aspire after, to lean on; people thought of him as a friend and a hero in his community.

On April 12, 2021, at 9:57 AM Greenwhich Mean Time, the current administrators of Advanced Scribes issued a statement addressing Ren’s actions and his faked death. An additional announcement was made the following day. While the announcements themselves and the replies (including moderator statements) are publicly available, I have saved a print-to-PDF versions on Google for you to browse at your leisure. 

I intentionally waited until the initial panic and outrage died out a little to let the most important statements come to light. Included in the PDF are sentiments that I personally thought were the most important sentiments; edits have been made and pages have been deleted, so you can see the current state of the conversations by visiting them directly. You can find the first discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42100#p1454263 and the second discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42107#p1454361.

Before you continue reading, please look over the statements and replies. The words of former staff former friends say more than I can ever hope to about Ren and the kind of reality that he stood for. Additionally, Jill herself has added to the conversation (username Rakuen), so you can read a bit from her perspective by looking into these announcements. After you’ve taken a look, continue below and I will sum up my final thoughts on this predator and his legacy.

Advanced Scribes • Our Statement (PDF)

Advanced Scribes • Change (PDF)

The Act of Grooming, Part 3: Entrapment

One of the reasons that predators get away with their crimes for so long is because they trap their victims. When they gain access to and successfully lure in their prey, they then engage in entrapment behavior to separate victims from other people and build reliance. The reason why kids are so prone to predation is because of how vulnerable they are. Young people just want to belong. They just want to have community, security, and affection. When they can’t get those things in their lives, they seek it out and take it where they can get it even when the situation is obviously bad. Kids can’t be held accountable for being smart because they’re kids. Jill was vulnerable. She wanted belonging and support. She fell into Ren’s lures, and he trapped her. He used his affection as a tool to solicit sexual favors and pictures from her, but never shared his face with her. She was always chasing his love, and all the while he was simultaneously preying on other individuals in the community. For God’s sake, this man had a selfie thread where underage girls would send pictures of themselves publicly on the site for him to look at, and he even intentionally disabled the website’s COPPA features.

Before Jill, there was Buttercup. Buttercup was also an admin, and she was also 13 when she met Ren. While Ren was a minor during he and Buttercup’s relationship, his behavior with her was just as predatory and Buttercup attempted to warn Jill via PM before she ended her relationship with him.

The picture he sent Buttercup wasn’t even him.

The entire time that Ren was convincing Jill that Buttercup was evil, and jealous, and a spiteful, hateful person, he was manipulating her the same way he was manipulating Jill. Ren is a predator who knows what he’s doing; he always has. He draws in his victims and makes everyone hate them so that he’s the only person they have. He makes them so desperate for his approval that they let him screw them over time and time again, and for what? Just to see his face. Think about what you read. He didn’t just do this to Jill and Buttercup. He did this to every person he cheated with or got close enough to get a grip on. Even if he didn’t sexually exploit someone, he emotionally did. An entire community of people suffered through this over and over and over again. Read the statements again. If you only read the live version, read the PDF. 

I also want you to bear in mind that everyone on staff was equally a victim as they were an enabler. It doesn’t erase their responsibility, but their roles in this story or more nuanced than “moderator bad, burn the witch!” Some of Ren’s supporters were as young or younger than Jill when they met him. The two people most notorious for standing at his side right now were both “rewarded” with a relationship with him in the fallout of his faked death.  

At some point, this man looked at his behavior and not only decided that he didn’t need to take responsibility, but that his victims daring to try and claim some kind of ownership over their own story was a personal affront to him. 

Ren is a monster of his own creation. He chose to be that monster again, and again, and again.

What makes his enablers equally to blame is when they became adults and made a conscious choice to ignore what was happening, which brings us to the next topic.

Finally... How Old Was Jill?

Despite everything I’ve said and shared so far, I still get this question in my inbox.

How old was Jill? Did she lie about her age? Is she free of guilt because she was a kid? Did he know how old she was? Was she legal in her country?

I gave you all everything I had. There were some things I just couldn’t confirm because there was no proof either way. However, all of that changed when the announcements were released. I now know exactly how old Jill was when they began dating, exactly how old she was when people knew about their relationship, and even that Ren was public with all of this information. I also know that staff knew everything, and chose to do nothing.

As you can see in the screenshots above of Buttercup’s message, it was sent on Jun 17, 2015. At that time, Jill was 14 years old. By Buttercup’s estimation, they had been dating for around a few months, which is how I was able to discern the previous exact age of 14 years old at the time they began dating.

However, Ren himself refutes that fact in a Valentine’s post for Jill. As pointed out in the “Our Statement” thread, the post that user amnesia. references includes very sexual and disgustingly graphic descriptions of Ren’s activity with her. It also says this:

As per the timestamp of this particular post (as seen below), Jill was 16 at the time. Ren, a man claiming to be twenty-five years old at the time, was proud to admit that he had been with Jill since she was 13.

You can view the full PDF of this post to see what else he said here, but please be warned that his descriptions are NSFW and absolutely disgusting. 

Warm Fuzzies Post (PDF)

No adult should talk about a kid like that. In the statements, several staff members admit that they knew that the two were dating when she was 16, and that it grossed them out. But none of them did anything. To amnesia.’s credit, they claim they tried to pursue legal action but found no viable routes. 

From the discussions and statements, we can discern five things:

1. Jill was 13 when she started dating Ren. 2. She did not lie about her age. 3. Ren did not lie about her age. 4. Ren knew how old she was. 5. Staff knew how old she was.

Jill’s feelings and her opinions on staff and their behavior are separate from my own. She does not share my beliefs here, and I need to make it very clear that what I’m saying next is entirely my own opinion.

To everyone who was staff at that time: shame on you. It’s one thing to be a victim yourself and to not understand how or when to stand up for what’s right, especially when you’re young; it’s another to become an adult and to have let something like this permeate your legacy and your community for all this time. From what I understand, none of you are completely innocent in this. Ren wasn’t secret, he was loud and proud and he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Everyone who was an adult then and is an adult now shares some responsibility for that. Those of you who mean your apologies, thank you, but those of you who are using this event as a stepping stone to make that website into your own personal playground know who you are. Stop. There’s an entire generation of kids between AS and CS who have lost years of their childhoods to this shit and the only right thing at this point would be to turn the site over to the police so that Ren can answer for his crimes the right way.

To everyone else: protect the people around you. People like Ren don’t think about how other people think or feel. They don’t care who gets hurt or who they trample under their feet. Look around at your community, and ask yourself if those who interact with you know that you are safe. Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt. Are you the kind of person that they can come to when it happens, or are you the kind of person who will turn your head away? 

Be the person that everyone knows they can come to, because, eventually, someone’s going to need you.

[crispychrissy]

Connected - Part 5

Summary: Y/N comes to and is met with a familiar face, and new things are found out about her past. Pairing: Eventual Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 3632 Warnings: Angst, medical stuff, sassy reader, fluff, A/N: School is in full swing for me so my frequency of posting is going to slow down, but it won't stop completely, I promise. I already have the next chapter laid out and will start writing it as soon as I get some spare time. :) You can also follow this story & others on my Ao3 as well. The series was beta’d by the lovely @idjitmonkey and I hope you enjoy! Please send me an ask if you would like to be tagged in the series. :)

Series Masterlist – Marvel Masterlist

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

The surface under your back felt nothing like the thin stained mattress you’d been sleeping on for weeks, and the light coming from the room beyond your closed eyes was way too bright to be the solitary light bulb hanging in the middle of your cell. Cautiously, you took stock of your body and wiggled your toes, fingers, and slightly shifted your arms and legs. There was a blanket over your body, one you’d never been granted during your captivity, and you immediately opened your eyes.

Which was something you immediately regretted. The bright fluorescent lights stung your eyes, making them water before you closed them again. A soft groan escaped your lips, and shuffling next to you made you freeze.

“Y/N?”

The voice was male, and vaguely familiar somehow? Slowly you blinked your eyes open, glaring at the bright light directly above your bed, before turning your head to the left where the voice came from. You were obviously in a hospital room, but the most shocking part of your change of scenery was the presence of Steve Rogers sitting in a plastic chair next to your bed, a kind smile on his lips.

“Can you understand me?” he asked, eyes studying your face.

“Yeah,” you rasped, coughing at the dryness in your throat you hadn’t registered until now.

Steve reached forward and grabbed a cup of water with a straw in it off a rolling table near the end of your bed and brought it to your lips as you managed to sit up. “Slow sips.”

“Yeah, thanks, mom,” you sassed before taking a sip of water. It took a second for what you had said to register, and your eyes widened before you sheepishly looked up at him while taking another drink and swallowing. “Sorry.”

“S’okay, I can handle some sass,” Steve said with a soft laugh. “Do you need more water?”

You shook your head and he placed the cup on the nightstand next to you, within your reach. “What happened? Did the Army send the Avengers to get me out of there?”

Steve frowned, but quickly schooled his expression with a soft shake of his head. “Not quite. What do you remember?”

When you reached for your memories, you hissed and squeezed your eyes closed, reaching up to clutch your head. “I can’t…” All of your memories were jumbled and seemed to be playing all at once, like hundreds of people trying to tell you a story at the same time. The only thing you did notice was a quiet area of stillness off to one side of your mind, the pain pushing you away each time you tried to focus on it. It was unsettling, and you turned to look at the man sitting next to you. “Captain Rogers… what happened? Where am I?”

“You’re in an Army base in Syria, you’re safe here. And please, call me Steve,” he told you with a smile before straightening in his chair. “I know your thoughts may be scattered, but what’s the last thing you remember?”

The throbbing in your head wasn’t as intense the second time around, and you managed to lock onto a memory of walking through a city surrounded by sand, a camera in your hands. It gave you a starting point, and you slowly followed the thread connecting that moment to the next. Steve was patient while you sorted through what you remembered, each knot of events in the thread becoming more difficult to untangle and get past. Almost ten minutes later, you looked up at him, tears blurring your vision.

“I remember taking pictures,” you said quietly, “but then I was… taken. These men thought I was with the Army trying to spy on them, tried to ransom me back. I told them I wasn’t… but they didn’t listen.” You swiped at your cheeks with the back of your hand, brushing the tears away. “They hurt me,” you looked down at the bandages on your arms, “and I kept… saying… something they didn’t like?”

“You did,” Steve confirmed, plucking a tissue from the box on the rolling table and passing it to you. “Do you remember what you said?”

Untangling the knot in this part of the thread took a few moments, and you were getting closer to that dark area, but the words rang loudly in your head and sent ice through your veins. “Oh my god, I said… Cap—er, Steve, I’m so sorry. Is that why you’re here? I don’t know him, I just… they wanted a soldier, so I kept saying the name of the strongest one I could think of.” Your eyes widened and you tried to backtrack. “I mean, I’m not saying you’re not strong or anything, but I was kinda delirious and I memorized his information back when I was in school and it was—”

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Steve interrupted you softly, trying to stifle his smile. “I didn’t take it personally. The Army didn’t find a connection between you and Bucky, and we figured you kept saying his name, rank, and service number like soldiers are trained to do when they’re under duress so you could get through the worst of it.”

You snorted. “After they started really torturing me, yeah, I said it because of that. At first, it was just out of snark to piss them off. They wanted a soldier, so I gave them one of the best I know.”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. “And I think Bucky will be kinda proud of that.” The color must have drained from your face, and Steve was instantly alert. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Is he here?” you blurted out, unsure if you were ready to know the answer, let alone what answer you’d prefer.

“He is,” Steve said, still alert but more waiting for your reaction rather than responding to your distress.

“Oh,” you whispered, picking at the fabric of the blanket on your lap. “Is… is he mad?”

Steve frowned, his eyebrows pinching together. You knew there had to be more of the story based on his expression, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to know what else happened. “Why would he be mad?”

“I used his information, his name… he was kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed by Hydra for decades.” You scoffed, shaking your head. “I’m just a photographer that was at the wrong place at the wrong time and got taken for a few weeks. Not even close to what he went through.”

“Y/N,” Steve said softly, reaching out to gently place his hand over yours, stopping your fidgeting and making you look up at him, “Bucky’s glad he gave you strength when you were in need. There’s just… other things that happened.”

Dread settled over your mind like a frozen blanket. “What? What did I do?”

“Don’t jump ahead of yourself, just think back. What’s the last thing you remember?” Steve asked.

The further you tried to progress on the thread of memories, the closer you got to the dark area, and the harder the knots in the thread became to untangle. The memories were mostly of violence, knives and fists marring your skin narrated by whispered words of Sergeant Barnes’ name. The last knot in the thread before the dark area was an odd memory, and it filled you with a kind of unsettling warmth you’d never experienced before.

“I remember one of the men, he was... digging a knife into my leg, I remember it hurt so bad, felt like it was on fire. He was saying stuff to me, like how he wanted to,” you cleared your throat, “keep me as a pet soldier, like how Hydra had one. I don’t… my whole body felt like I had been electrocuted, everything was tingling and there was this flash of images in my head. Then I felt warm all over, and the last thing I remember before everything went black was grabbing the hilt of the knife where it was sticking out of my leg.” Your eyes widened in horror and you stared at Steve, tears blurring your vision. “What did I do? Please, I need to know.”

Steve scrubbed a hand down his face and sat back in his chair. “I’m not going to lie to you, Y/N. We, or at least some of the smartest people I know, think you may have somehow connected to Bucky… psychically. The trauma of being tortured and held prisoner might have activated a dormant mutant or enhanced ability.”

“What?” you whispered. “I’m… what?” The sheer thought of you having some kind of powers like that was ridiculous, and you had to force yourself to not laugh. “That makes no sense.”

“It took us a bit to figure out, but Dr. Austin thinks that because you were in a desperate situation, your abilities manifested to save your life, and allowed your mind to link to someone you’d been thinking about, regardless of distance.” Steve took a deep breath and exhaled slowly out of his nose. “A lot of the science and technical side of it is way beyond my range of understanding, but basically she thinks that since your power was new and born out of a survival instinct, it didn’t know when or even how to break the link between you and him. Bucky’s consciousness and memories, whether it was due to his own enhanced abilities or his previous trauma being so intense, began to take over your mind.”

“So… Sergeant Barnes… possessed me?” you asked. The explanation sounded plausible, however improbable, but seeing as how there were now space aliens and wizards on Earth, nothing really sounded impossible nowadays. “Is that why I have no memory until I woke up a few minutes ago? How long was I… how long did he have control over me?”

Steve raised his hands to calm you, obviously sensing or maybe even hearing your heartbeat begin to gallop wildly in your chest. “Bucky wasn’t controlling you, Y/N. He didn’t ‘possess you’,” Steve made air quotes with his fingers, “in the way you’re thinking. Your mind was suppressed and his mind was feeding you his memories only. You were experiencing them as if you were Bucky. He wasn’t controlling what you were doing; the similar reactions you had to things he’d experienced were due to those memories and the PTSD that came from them.”

You blinked a few times, your mouth slightly open. Theoretically it made sense, but it felt like Steve was describing some kind of science fiction movie to you, not explaining something that had happened to you. “I’m so confused.”

Steve chuckled. “Yeah, I was too. It’s a lot to take in. To simplify it and use Bucky’s words, you were essentially trapped in some kind of virtual reality in your mind, living out his past memories, and you couldn’t take off the headset. You have no memory of what occurred after you linked with Bucky because his memories were providing the knowledge you needed… your brain didn’t make its own.”

Even though Steve was doing a good job explaining things, you knew there had to be something he wasn’t telling you; you could always tell when people were dancing around a truth they were avoiding. You looked down at your lap and began to rub the blanket between your fingers again, ignoring how the fabric had begun to pill due to the friction. “Did I kill someone?”

Steve was silent for a few seconds before he heaved a heavy sigh. “Yes. The four men that were holding you captive. Based on how they were killed, we think you used information from Bucky’s memories and training to kill them.”

“I didn’t hurt anyone else, did I?” you asked quietly. While the idea of killing anyone made your stomach clench and sent bile rising in the back of your throat, your captors were far from innocent, and if it made you a bad person to not feel too much sympathy for those men, then so be it.

“No, not that we know of,” Steve said. “According to the Army rescue team that was sent to investigate the store—good thinking with the Morse code, by the way—they found you sitting calmly in the corner of the room you must have been kept in. Bucky seems to think that, if you were going off of his memories and instincts while he was the Winter Soldier, you were likely waiting for a Hydra extraction team. It’s what he would have done after the, uhhh, the targets were eliminated. Lieutenant Weasley, the leader of that Army rescue squad, said the moment he told you the mission was over, you dropped unconscious, just like how Bucky was conditioned to do as well.”

As Steve was talking, you were trying to reach into your mind, trying to pull anything from the dark spaces in your memories. Each time you tried, you were only met with a black canvas where memories should have been, throbbing in your head, and silence… no fragments or flashes of any kind of recollection of the events Steve was explaining. Ignoring the increasing pain behind your eyes, you tried to reach back further, and an odd flash of a memory you didn’t recognize assaulted your mind’s eye.

“Did you...” You stopped abruptly, eyebrows furrowing as you tried to make sense of what you just saw. “Did you used to feed stray cats on the fire escape of an apartment? One of the cats… an orange named Rusty? Named him after—”

“One of the guys that worked with Bucky down at the docks,” Steve finished for you, his voice light with disbelief. “How did you know that?”

You lifted your head and locked watery eyes on Steve. “I… don’t know.” You winced, grabbing your head, the throbbing and sharp pain starting to compound and intensify. “Ah, I can’t—”

“It’s okay,” Steve soothed as he stood up, helping you lie back down before pulling the blanket up to your chest, almost tucking you in. “Get some rest. Don’t hurt yourself trying to remember things, you’ll get there.”

The urge to fight being babied welled up in your body, but the mental strain and resulting exhaustion had finally caught up with you. You made a weak unhappy noise of protest, which Steve chuckled at, before you allowed yourself to drift off into a much more peaceful darkness than the one plaguing your memories.

***

Steve rejoined Bucky, Tony, and Dr. Austin in one of the conference rooms down the hallway from the doctor’s office, and rehashed what little information he’d gathered from his conversation with Y/N. The confusion and gaps in memories they expected, but when Steve mentioned her comment about the stray cat he used to feed, Bucky’s eyes went wide.

“That’s impossible,” Bucky breathed out, shaking his head and trying not to squeeze the life out of the leather chair he had his hands braced against. “That was back in… what, ‘38? A few years after your mom died? You and I were the only people living in that place, Steve. Even my ma didn’t know about those cats.”

“Well, Y/N was able to recall your memories and training in order to kill her captors, it makes sense that she might have seen or absorbed other memories at the same time without knowing.” Dr. Austin leaned her elbow against the conference table and rubbed her forehead. “The mental strain of Sergeant Barnes’ memories on top of these abilities being new to her… she might not know how to separate things, or her memories are jumbled with yours.”

“You said the link was broken, right, doc?” Tony asked, tapping away on one of his Stark tablets, murmuring things to FRIDAY once in a while under his breath. “Buckinator over here isn’t feeding our Sarah Connor any more memories?”

Bucky scowled and he winced when he heard the leather of the chair begin to rip under his metal fingertips. “I wasn’t sent to kill her, asshole,” he grumbled.

Tony looked at Bucky over the top of his tablet and blinked in disbelief. “Barnes got a pop culture reference. Did you all hear that? FRIDAY, make a note in my calendar. I think we need to petition Ellis for a new national holiday.”

“Tony,” Steve sighed, ignoring the subsequent rambling about press releases coming from Tony in favor of looking over at the doctor. “Dr. Austin, they aren’t linked anymore, right?”

“No, I confirmed with brain scans on both Y/N and Sergeant Barnes. Their level of brain activity is back to baseline, or at least, whatever baseline should be for a super soldier and a new psychic.” Dr. Austin pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, staring off in the distance.

Steve had seen this look before in both Tony and Bruce when they were trying to figure out something in their head, or trying to piece together clues, and knew it could last for a while. “Doctor?” Steve prodded her gently.

“Oh,” Dr. Austin said, starting slightly, giving Steve an embarrassed smile. “Sorry, I was just thinking… I have an acquaintance I may be able to reach out to. Psychic abilities and how to control them are quite out of my wheelhouse, medical studies can only get us so far. I worked with this professor and his team a few times in the past on classified projects when I was freelancing, and he might be able to offer some advice.”

“Anything that could help,” Steve said with a nod, his eyes tracking Dr. Austin as she excused herself from the room, her cell phone already in her hand. Steve looked over at Bucky, seeing the same defeated expression he’d worn on his face for months after he’d broken free of Hydra. “Buck, you gotta quit blaming yourself.”

“Why do people think doing or not doing something in their head is as easy as flipping a damn switch?” Bucky growled angrily, making Steve’s head jerk back at the sudden aggression. Bucky’s face relaxed and he grunted softly, dropping into the chair he was just squeezing. “Sorry.”

“S’okay, I get it,” Steve murmured, “it’s been a long day. How are you feeling anyways?”

“Physically? Fine. The hunger’s gone and I’m not exhausted anymore. Mentally?” Bucky snorted, ducking his chin. “How would you feel if someone accidentally linked minds with you and your brain made them relive you going into the ice over and over again? Or made them relive you getting sick a bunch when you were a kid?”

Steve sat down in the seat next to Bucky and sighed. “I would hate it, but it was an accident, Buck. Nothing you could have done to prevent it.”

“Doesn’t make him any less stupid for running into Y/N’s room alone like that,” Tony said, suddenly standing behind the two men. “You’re lucky I had my suit’s gauntlet wristwatch on me and pulled you back. Touching her could have killed you. Killed you both.”

Bucky knew it was a longshot, and the helplessness he felt knowing Y/N was stuck inside his memories spurred him into action. After being Hydra’s pawn for decades, he made a vow to never feel that helpless again if he could. “Yeah, well, it didn’t. I thought that if she was reliving my memories, then seeing me could snap her out of it. Like… waking her up from a nightmare.”

“Like a glitch in the Matrix. Smart,” Tony said the word like it physically pained him, “I guess.”

“Whether we agree about Bucky’s methods or not, it worked. The Army is going to want to debrief Y/N when she wakes up, but based on what I’ve gathered, she doesn’t have any memories of actually killing her captors. Her recollection ends moments after one of the guys stabbed her in the leg with a knife.”

“Probably the same guy who got the bladed uppercut that was found in the room she was being held in,” Bucky mused, recalling the photos in the file they were given. “Good riddance. Who knows what they would have done to her if she hadn’t killed them.”

The three men sat in silence for several long moments, each going over varying degrees of horrible scenarios which could have played out instead. Dr. Austin’s voice drifted in from the hallway, steadily getting louder as she approached the conference room again, drawing each of their attentions to the doorway.

“... thank you again, Charles. I’ll let you know the next time I’m back in New York,” she said with a smile before lowering her phone and tapping the screen to end the call. Dr. Austin raised a brow at the distressed and pensive looks spread across Tony, Steve, and Bucky’s faces, but decided not to ask.

“Any news from your friend, Doc?” Tony spoke up first.

“Yes,” Dr. Austin replied, tucking her cell phone into her white coat. “He confirmed that Y/N is in fact a mutant, but there’s something else.”

When Dr. Austin didn’t continue immediately, Tony flailed his arms up in the air. “Well? Were you pausing for dramatic effect or something?”

Dr. Austin rolled her eyes and ignored Tony’s outburst. “He was able to do a non-invasive read of her mind.” When all three men opened their mouths at once, Dr. Austin raised her hands, stopping them from whatever protests they were going to make. “Gentlemen, I assure you, the professor is an expert and powerful psychic himself, he knows what he’s doing. He told me that someone has manipulated her memories.”

Bucky blinked. “Well, yeah… isn’t that what happened when she accidentally linked with me? We already know this.”

“No, not recent memories,” Dr. Austin explained. “Her entire childhood has been wiped and rewritten.”

***

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