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ratgrinders · 9 days

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hello tumblr user ratgrinders... appreciate the work you do even in these trying times (post onscreen homicide). i think the fact that kipperlilly is like, annoying and reminds people of girls they didnt like in high school ppl miss out on a lot of interesting stuff going on w her!

like, the "power hungry teen girl who is just evil and tbk kill her" thing has already been done in fhfy with penelope, & its much more interesting to think about how & why the ratgrinders are doing all this suspicious stuff tbk are noticing-- like the fact that they have been very cagey about showing their combat abilities, the weird stuff going on with various deities, and even kipperlilly's stolen therapy files (lol) are very intriguing!! and imo writing that off as assuming they'll be straightforward, incompetent villians (popular assumption due to their lack of friendship, even though it's famously the weakest magic) is far less interesting. like... they got into this situation for a reason and got involved w all this stuff somehow, & i don't think all of this would happen if they were a normal adv party, even a shitty one. how did they get here! why!! thx

thank you so much, its getting hard out here but nothing can stop the rat grinders stan grind!!!!! (<- is coping. im coping)

yeah but fr, kipperlily is FASCINATING to me. i truly believe that she thinks everything she does is justified in service of her larger goal, whatever that may be. yeah, stone cold murder really isn't the fairest thing you can do to your academic rivals, but writing all of that off as "oh she's just always been a jealous hypocrite who never believed in what she was spouting" i think is an inaccurate interpretation of her own motivations. she clearly believes in something.

cuz the thing is, we're still not really sure was kipperlily wants? ("egg on my face for wanting something"). sure, she's trying to run for student body president, but what exact rules is she hoping to implement, and how does that relate to trying to resurrect a rage god? plus, grix attacked ruben because he/his ritual were a direct threat to the existence of the school, which seems counter productive if you're trying to become president of it.

and what cause would kipperlily specifically have to be tied up with a rage god anyway? there's nothing that clearly on the surface ties a little type A halfling rogue to a fiendish god of rage and conquest, hell some of the other members in her party seem like on the surface they would have a closer tie to it (like both of their now dead clerics, mary ann who literally harnesses rage, ruben who is full of teen angst). kipperlily's apparently been filled with rage since freshman year, but why? (is she like riz, who spent his whole life infected with an aspect of the nightmare king and literally grew up with this seed of doubt inside him? did something similar happen to kipperlily?)

ankarna is the goddess of justice and the conviction to act when they see something unfair. no matter what, i think kipperlily truly believes that she's witnessed something unfair. and it feels significant to mention that this last murder is an escalation on the rat grinders' part. the other people who have ended up dead around them (lucy, yolanda, the original hosts of frosty faire) all seemed to have died indirectly as a result of the rage crystals and the uncontrollable rage it inspires. this is the first time we're seen stone cold premeditated murder, done with simply a blade and betrayal.

honestly, this transition seems to mirror what ankarna herself went through, starting off as the goddess of conviction and justice but slowly transitioning to one of conquest and war. brennan said something about ankarna, "yeah its nice to have someone like that on your side who will stand up for you, but you better hope that person is always right". i think what we're seeing now is someone with that same conviction, but with a misguided cause.

kipperlily's crossed a line now and i wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't end up redeemed by the end of the season, but i'm still interested in how she and her party were motivated to do this in the first place, because like you said i don't think a normal adventuring party would've ended up here. it takes a lot to transition to multiple murders!

#as a goro akechi stan you could never make me hate the overachieving slightly murderous high school student full of rage its impossible #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy spoilers #original post #rat grinders #kipperlily copperkettle

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kamiversee · 1 month

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okay, i breathed.

holy shit kami.

first of all, “a tinge of angst” is a MAJOR understatement. my heart was pounding, my head was reeling, and my knuckles were turning white from gripping my phone. YOU KILL ME, KAMI.

i always understood the Gojo delulu, but holy shit. i’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ll run into him, but the way that last kiss felt so permanent made my heart shatter. THIS MOTHERFUCKER SAID HE’D THINK ABOUT KIDNAPPING THE READER and you have the audacity to write him so well that i was okay with it for a brief moment so long as it meant that we’d still have him around 😭😭

that Sukuna passage was ominous from beginning to end 🥹 something is coming and i know i’m not ready for it. just talking to him gave me major anxiety again. it was like a reminder that while the list is over, the consequences of that list are still revealing itself. i’m overanalyzing that whole passage to see what it could be foreshadowing to. i have a few ideas, but every one of them is making me go crazy. oh my fucking god. while the Sukuna scenes have been so great, considering his relation to Choso i’m slightly going insane from the possibility (guarantee?) that Choso will find out about this. UGHHHHHHH

speaking of Choso… that motherfucker. Kami i don’t know if i mentioned it before, but i wasn’t a Choso girly before your fic came along. i never even watched JJK. to me, this is my JJK LMAO. but the amount of parallels from what the reader is currently experiencing with Choso with what Choso is now making the reader go through is karma not giving our girl a break 😭😭 if this ends up with Choso pulling a “there’s someone else” i think i’m going to bite off a piece of drywall 😭😭😭😭😭 CHOSO I’M ROOTING FOR YOU!! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!!!

also you’re revealing red flags in me that i never realized before bc why was i jealous over Choso’s interaction with Yuki 🥲 it makes no sense bc like… Yuki is so fine. i’d usually be like “FORGET CHOSO, I WANT HER” (i’m still kinda like that hehe) but the fact that they’re hanging out makes me civisjndjdjcjdnfbdbvbennfjenf AAAAAA. like yeah, he has a point when he mentions how he’s not tied down in a relationship, but holy shit. Choso feels like the reader’s karma that she lowkey doesn’t deserve since the situation has been out of her hands from the beginning 😭 KAMIIIIIIIIII

the cliffhanger. i’m about to rip out my hair. KAMI PLEEEAAAAASE WHO?????? A CRUMB OF A HINT. JUST A CRUMB. THAT WAY I CAN AT LEAST HAVE AN IDEA OF WHO I’M GOING TO GO IN A SPIRAL OVER FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. the fucking possibilities 😭😭 the thing that would kill me considering the mention of the nightclub proximity my brain was immediately like “oh god, Nanami???” but i was also like “hold on… Naoya…” but then i remembered that the reader met Naoya at a bar and not a nightclub (and he doesn’t seem like the type to be at a café 😭). KAMI YOU’RE DRIVING ME INSANE AND YOU HAVE ME JUMPIN TO ALL SORTS OF THEORIES AAAAAAAAA

- ☃️

Gotta be one of my fav anons fr, I seriously love these long rants sm😩😩

ALRIGHT LETS UNPACK

Hi my name is Kami & welcome to my podcast😉

Lol jkjk, honestly I didnt think the angst was tht bad?😭 There were no tearssss but I SUPPOSE I’ll change the warning😔

Guys Sukuna’s just a silly lil guy, I gotta include everyone again SOMEHOW before the story ends y’know😹

As for the Choso & Yuki situation…

ANYWAYS !!

Guys I promise the person tht she sees isn’t tht bad💀 well, it can be but uhhhhhh yeah lemme shut ip before I spoil everything😭

Like ik the cliffhanger is spooky bc like… it’s me writing it BUT BUT it’s nothing y’all needa worry abt fr

TRUST ME !! Do NOT trust me

#kamiversee!answers

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maimreddwhite · 1 year

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reunion and turnabout spoilers

ok if someone put a gun to my head and told me that i had to choose who i thought, in my opinion, was the most tragic and fucked up ace attorney character, i would without hesitation say mimi miney. her life was filled with so much tragedy, pain, and suffering that its insane.

first things first, she was working in a shitty abusive workplace for god knows how long. they were mistreating her, overworking her, and turner grey was definitely not a caring boss. being exposed to that on its own can fuck someone up, but theres even more.

they have overworked her and exhausted her to the point where she cant even think straight, to the point where she cant even do her job correctly. so, some medications get mixed up, and she has to slowly realise that the patients under her care were dying. she will now have to carry the weight of that for the rest of her life. the lives of the 14 people; as well as the 14 families and friends of those people.

along with this, she also had to deal with legal shit. interviewers, police, people blaming her, news reporters, people showing up to her work, grey trying to pin the blame on her even though he was the one who caused the whole thing.

now, even though your life is absolutely horrible at the moment, there are at least two good things. first of all, you have a younger sister who cares about you, and you have an expensive car that you probably worked for so long to get.

unfortunately, she looses both those facts simply because of how stressed out and exhausted she was. her sister, someone who shes spent the past two decades living with, someone her, as an older sibling, were at least partially responsible for, dies a horrible death in that fire. i would also like to add that ini miney had the shortest lifespan out of any ace attorney character in the entire franchise. she was literally 20 years old. she died very young.

mimi would definitely feel responsible for this as she refused to let ini take over driving for her, a mistake which seemed harmless enough, she didnt intend to kill anybody, but look where that landed her.

im not even going to get into the physical pain but having your entire fucking face burnt off sounds. painful!

anyway, you thought shes been through enough, and that this entire experience has probably done an insane amount of damage on her. but no, she wakes up in that hospital, alive, and she looks in the mirror and shes forced to relive the guilt of that incident, shes forced to carry a reminder of it, everywhere she goes.

now, just think for a second about how terrifying becoming your dead sibling is. first of all, she does not get a chance to grieve properly. everybody around her, her friends, family, everybody she knew, was grieving mimi miney. she would have to watch as everyone she knows cries for someone who, in her eyes, doesnt even deserve it. nobody mourns the person who is dead, and you are the only one who can miss ini. you cant talk about ini to anybody. naturally this would fuck up the grieving process just a little.

hopefully mimi liked inis friends because those were the people she would have to hang out with for ages on end, and what if ini had a partner? would mimi just have to continue a relationship she feels nothing about? she would have to take every aspect of her sisters life, even the aspects she hates, and that would basically be her entire life.

being forced to constantly be around things that remind you of death, and things that remind you of your sister probably did not do wonders for you either! fast forward about a year of living in this absolute misery, and your old boss, somebody who caused every terrible thing that youve gone through, someone yoyve tried to distract yourself from, has now come into your life.

hes, all of a sudden, asking her about spirit channeling and if she could reccomend any. why? because he wants to threaten mimi at gunpoint to sign something that absolves him of all responsibility. shes angry, of course, but she cant show it. she cant show anything. obviously, she accepts, and she panics. she wouldnt know what to do it the truth came out, because then she would have to face herself, her guilt, and what she did.

while shes murdering grey, i would like to point out that ini mineys face is the last thing turner grey ever sees. the woman that he played a big role in killing, she murders him.

anyway, after the trial, for the first time in an entire fucking YEAR she has the ability to be mimi miney again. in that past year, a lot of fuckedup and traumatising things happened to her, so the logical conclusion would be to get some therapy, try to heal from her grief, beco-oh wait shes in prison. she goes through trauma after trauma and the place where she ends up? fucking jail!!!!!!!!! my girl doesnt need jail she needs.......idfk but NOT THAT!!!

this concludes my...*cough*....SMALL RAMBLE on why i think mimi miney is a very fucked up and tragic character. also i am of the belief that turner grey deserved to die.

#mimi miney #ace attorney #ini miney #im mentally ill about ace attorney #justice for all spoilers

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kidfoundonstreets · 2 years

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last post

walking into his room like hiiiiiiiii sirius pov switch cant have noel having too much thoughts THAT IS NOT CAT SCRATCHING DOOR SOUNDS BUT ITS SO CUT EOH MY GJFDFHDROIQH3EROIQ3HE31OI CAT BRINGS EVEYRBDOIY OTGETEHR!! I LOVE CAT even if it might mean smth bad because black cats are known to be bad luck (even though thats complete and utter bullshit) but its also part of the monsters EVEYRBODY HAVINBG THE HEART REACITON TO THE KITTY ME TOO ME TOO noel claire and sirius interactions lets hecking GO yoiud think sirius would be heartless but nah if the cat must be fed the cat must be fed

OIH NMY GOD THEYA RE EFVRYTHING TMOME WHY DOES THE CAT LOOK SO CUTE. THEY ALL LOOK SO CUTE. THE WAY NOELS LOOKING AT CLAIRE. THE WAY SIRIUS IS JUST BEIGN PRETTY BOY. THE WAY CLAIRE IS BEING CLAIRE. IM SO FUCKIGNS AD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS CG ITS INSTANTLY ON EOF MY FAVS thank frick is sirius disliked cats i dont think id ever be able to forgive him rest in peave books........................ dogs are worse when it comes to organizing maybe sirius should just get a fish or a pet rock like a nerd (affectionate) SIRUSY CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!! SIRIUS CATBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO DRAW THAT SO TRUE CLAIRE ther sibligns ever... leaving claire alone with the cat gives me a bad feelin g but alr alr

ITS BEEN DROPPED,, the flashback though. agh. it makes me wonder if he’ll become more protective over claire sirius really is the best person to know about this but his mental state is so fragile if its tampered with the wrong way

dead on the floor. this game is just feeding me so much info and man i am LIVING for it it took so many loops to get to this point but man its happenign1! real!! but im just scared that ashe ansd wilardo might do something before then or overhear.d ahghjhhg. the murder is always sudden LOOK I LOVE SIRIUS AND I KNOW THAT ON IMPULSE THERE IS THE SLIGHTEST HCANCE HE’D KILL FOR DOROTHY BUT HE ALREADY THINKS SHES ALIVE AND SHE WOULDNT BE PROUD OF HIM but also i think like noel said he isnt the type of person to do that at all just. i fjhjkhhgh they make me so emotional WHAT. IS. UP. WITH. NOEL. WHY IS HE LIKE THAT WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM I STILL DONT GET IT IT COULD JUST BE STRESS BUT WHAT IF IT IS SOMETHING WORSE “just like lady dorothy” ouch. i really wonder whatr hes going to do now,, claire hows it feel reminding so many people of the dead

rouge looking genuinely slightly worried >> guess she just got reminded of ashes wish ashe we can all agree is pthe most desperate one here the death rates literally prove it. idk agh. so much could be wrong if noel chooses someone that betrays him?? i dont know i dont know HTE THING WITH THIS GAME IS THAT THEY ALL HAVE SNESIBLE WISHES BUT. GHHGHGJGHH

bbbbbbb babygirl there are so many things wrong with you. please stop IM GETTING SO UPSET OVER NOEL I REALLY FEEL LIKE ITS GOING TO GET WORS EAND WORSE AND THE FACT HRE WAS JUST THINKING ABT NICHOLAS BEFORE IT UGHKJHGKH BUT HE NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS IF HE WANTS TO GET ANYTHING DONE I DONT KNOW his body is destroying itslef even after this will it have a permanent effect wait if the demon affected him that much of a time ago then why didnt it happen earlier./... why at the worst times side lime time my beloved according to the intro she gets a lot more screentime i think? or maybe all the demons do so hell yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MUSIC GOES SO HARD ANFD FOR WHAT lim e what thwe ruck okay listen!! i love her!! i think shes a really cool chafractwer and has a nice deisng + personality but when it comes to this i want to dropkick her to the absolute sun wilardo being weak to emotions even after all these years. gn.

girl . shut up at this point youre just reaching in for your own desires you just want someone else to suffer or be like you ughyejkghgrheghghgh. shes not wrong. but thats because ashe cared so much that he cant move on. hes stuck in denial because he doesnt want to accept it him becoming a demon would be the complete opposite of what his family would want. but then again it feels like hes thrown that away with all of the things hes done but UGHYGH ITS COMPLICATED just jfc driving him insane with his own dreams idk man ashe desevres so much better please let him get proper therapy and help hes been so isolated lime stop self projecting and talkjing to yourself stop catching other people up in your misery i am so done killing them all noel would never do that even if he did he’d just feel so much unbearable guilt he’d feel no different than his father idk idk i love this game :’D

#kid's heart #sorry for so much text and already known statements i am having a time #posting the two so it isnt too much flood but i have more

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2tired2comprehend · 11 days

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I was the first to notice something. I heard them argue in such a unique way no this wasnt the same as the other times. My heart raced yet i tried not to show it, i played the game he had just bought me hours ago. It kept me grounded, i didnt cry, i didn't yell like everyone else, my heart barely raced compared to my cousins, when she hugged me i felt her heart. It beat fast and terrified and i had wondered why my hadnt, or maybe it had and i hadnt notice, in fact she was the only one to hug me. My sister consoling our crying mother as my other stood nervously, her tiny cat running around as if she felt the energy in that room. That night seemed to last forever, granted i tried not to sleep, because how could i? I had heard the yelling, the crying, the pleading, the sound of wood breaking and splintering. Its still there! A permanent reminder of the day i lost trust in my father, i had always wondered why his touch before had felt weird..nice but weird i chalked it up to my fear of men in general, the thought making my skin crawl and feel crinkly. I stayed up till 8am when my brother came home from his late night shift at our local walmart, he was barley update with simple texts. We made eye contact, i dont remember if i wanted to cry, i didnt feel anything at that point. I do remember him asking me if i was ok, i told him i didnt know. I remember the word divorce kept coming up, i didnt know whether or not itd happen, i didnt know if i wanted it to happen. The next day February 17.. the day it happened was a day after my birthday, and now it was February 17 my mother complained of her back hurting from sleeping on my sisters floor mattress so she went home...id be lying if i said id volunteer to go home to make sure he didnt hit her. I was scared if no one was watching them he'd hurt her. He'd kill her. So i wanted to make sure if it did happen, he'd get to me first. if my mother died, god what a heavy sentence, everything would change. My father thrown in jail and we'd be orphans in my eyes. Theres so many jumbled thoughts in my head, i remember waking up in my bed, i had to pee so badly but i was scared my father would be watching tv infront so i held it in, i heard the tv on so i knew now he was there. It was until my mother came in and asked if id like to eat, i took it. I avoided eye contact with my father, i didnt want to look at him so i didnt. I stayed in the kitchen the whole time, soon i figured my mother would be safe i went back to my sisters house. My brother went to talk to my dad, i felt better. Soon though he came back and said my father refused to talk, the same he did with my mother, he refused everyone(the expectation being my uncle). it was sunday i think, its blurry now, or was it Saturday? It was the first family dinner we had, i was watching minecraft story mode..and again i was the first. He talked to me first, i didnt know what would happen if i hadnt responded..but i was the good one, so i did i talked cheerfully and laughing with him as if he hadnt made my mother and sister cry, as if i didn't fear for my mothers life. And like that. Everything went back to normal. I dont know wether or not i wanted everything too, if i wanted everyone to sit down and talk together, or if i wanted everything back to normal. It honestly feels like a distant dream as if it never happened. If not for the door he broke that left a crack in and a sliver you can peek into the office. I considered getting the cracked door tattooed on my chest to symbolize the day my heart and trust broke for my father but i considered against it. No one would understand..especially not mom, because the next weekend

They drank again

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sk3l3t0n444 · 23 days

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been seeing you have breakdowns over yttd in the tag how ya doing buddy (i love watching other people suffer)

i am not ok, im very close with my older brother so gin calling sara big sister sara and with sou and kanna and kannas guilt and reko and alice fucking wrecked me. and the fact that i saved kanna instead of sou fucking destroyed me because ajdbdjemebgdjd

in any media where a character has a sibling or sees another character as a sibling i will bawl. and the amount in yttd killed me.

i relate to more characters than i should in yttd LIKE WHO THE FUCK RELATES TO HINAKO OTHER THAN ME?

the list of favs is too long and im going to put all my favs here because this is my blog and i do what i want. kanna, gin, keiji, sou, reko, kai, alice, ranmaru, hinako, anzu, ranger, safalin are my favorites and i will explain in detail because i can

kanna: she has a sister!!! and and and and she felt bad and she was a fucking wreck! i love it when my characters are wrecks!

gin: THE HIM HES SO SILLY AND THE AUTISM AND HE CALLS EVERYBODY HIS BIG SIBLING IM GONNA CRYYYYYY

keiji: i made an entire post about him

sou: HES AN ASSHOLE BUT HES MY ASSHOLE...wait...thats not...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!

reko: ...hOT...preTYy...LAdyyy...and shes so niceeeee AND SHE HAS AN OLDER BROTHER??? FUCKING SOLD!!!

kai: he just wanted to protect! (and hes kinda cute ngl)

alice: AWESOME HAIR 10/10 and also HE CARES SO MUCH FOR REKOOOOOO he truly cares about reko and he just wants the best for her <3

ranmaru: i saw his victim video where he said he he didnt know what to do with life and how he was nothing special and i knew he would be my fav. he pretends to not care and to an extent he doesnt, but he does care about everything. and hes kinda cute :)

hinako: chaotic evil...and she reminds me of niffty...and the dark circles are a mood but also shes just a middle school student, she was either bribed, threatened, tricked, forced etc to do this. there is no way she chose to be a pawn. shin took sous name to survive, the fake hinako must have a reason similar to that.

anzu: SILLY!!! AND PRETTY!!! and also she clearly puts up a silly front but shes scared, she feels so much fear but tries to make everybody else laugh

ranger: tbh hes just god damn cute and i relate to him a scary amount and i think thats my red flag

safalin: she truly cares about the players and helps them. not out of obligation but because she wants to. shes scared that she would be forced to hurt them so she warned them and told them not to trust her :(

ok ive ranted enough

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1800duckhotline · 2 years

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phoebe: nurse. outsider to the ghorkon village. russian. comes from the city similarly to daniil. her vibes are absolutely rancid but she has this air that makes you feel like that if you wrong her you'll have a target on your back (and you wouldn't be entirely wrong). very irreverent to people in power which includes vlad I and II and the other bitches that govern the different factions, but is especially vile towards daniil like she doesn't even try hiding it. however seems to respect clara and artemy, as well as most children would think of her as actually pretty nice. she would be mostly seen around where the stamatins seem to be (she doesn't bug them and they don't bug her back) - tisha: assassin. native to the ghorkon village. also horrid rancid vibes. he was born there and jumps in and out of the city quite frequently because of his... "interesting" occupation. he probably knows bad grief pretty well considering tisha is essentially a thug who's very good at murdering unsuspected. he avoids interacting directly with the people in charge. proooobably would meddle better with artemy out of all the 3 healers (though i think artemy would Not like him lmao). he absolutely does drugs. in the story it would come to surface some way or another that he has done services for phoebe in the past and that he might be like, actually boycrushing on her, even if he's completely aware she is just using him. (im not done holdawn)

elaine: phoebe's "patient". elaine is an outsider and probably comes from germany, though it is uncertain. first of all: she loves messing around wth all of the 3 healers - though she is especially mean to clara because elaine is quite literally a bully. she's about 19-20 and phoebe isn't possessive of her but elaine more or less always would ask help to get away from her LMAO - would be the first one to explicitly mention that phoebe's life story is actually hella sketchy (that she was part of a cult as a young child) and that her double-facedness between patients and not-patients is not that surprising as she has an ego the size of the polyhedron (ha ha) and thinks of herself as some kind of god. not her though, elaine doesn't! but she likes testing people's patience. anyway, elaine would probably like hanging out with the younger characters. she actually would frequent the theatre pretty often too.

salice: so here's the thing what the fuck would a possibly not entirely normal human would fucking do in a vaguely-timed russian setting, especially what is an ITALIAN doing here of all places, well i will tell you she's just here because i want her to be. and because she is a lawyer and probably works for the saburovs since these fucking people have no idea how the law actually works. to be fair she's also here because she is in fact a necromancer and she finds it fun to meddle with corpses while no one is watching, to practice her magic and to try and sort of see what the fuck the sand plague is about. she is essentially immune to it, though it seems there's another kind of sickness that's damaged her enough for her to need a mask to cover the side of her face! who knows what her deal is... anyway despite being a lawyer , she does not care about adhering to the law, there's another big-egoed bitch in town. probably would actually get along with daniil ? lmao? i can see it. she is very condescending towards most people though and That will come back to bite her in the ass

phoebe's isnt elaborate yet bc she was in fact part of a cult that revolved around flies while she was young, though she didnt participate by choice, and because of the inhumane sacrifices they made she decided to poison & kill all of them, which gave phobe a god complex and a survivors guilt simultaneously at the same time. though she does not really regret killing them actually LOL. shes not rly an "angel of death" type of nurse, she loves helping people back to health - especially elderly and children. bc they remind her of her grandma and herself when she was little (she has a very idealized image of her grandma who was the one that put her in the cult). but yeah, idk hwo to integrate that smoothly since its not rly relevant to the story - she's mostly in the ghorkon city initially just because she is kind of going around the continent with elaine, trying to find a "cure" for her, even if elaine doesn't rly need a cure as much as she needs therapy, but they're then both stuck in the ghorkon city bc of the sand plague outbreak. and boy it is a doozy

#oc rambles #pathologic au #bc im demented for my ocs dont look too closely at this but i need to save it somewhere or lese ill forget

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shkspr · 3 years

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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

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komoreangel · 3 years

Text

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬/𝐨

pairings: childe, zhongli, and xiao x f!reader (separate)

scenario: your past lives never stop haunting you, but your boyfriend is there to comfort you

request: What about Childe, Zhongli and Xiao having a s/o who can reincarnate, but her past lives were really terrible people and she sees herself as one? So they comfort her, telling she isn't one

genre: mostly angst with cuddles and kisses in between

childe

you’ve been lost in your thoughts for a couple days now

you can’t stop thinking about it

the blood staining your hands

what your past reincarnations did

what you did

childe can tell something’s wrong

he can sympathize with feeling guilt for lives taken by your own will

as someone who’s killed countless people, he recognizes the look of searing guilt in your eyes all too well

“y/n, is something wrong?”

you don’t answer

you have your head in your hands, and you’re sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes facing the ground

he can tell you’re not completely there with him

“y/n?”

“i hurt them.”

he knows about your reincarnations, you’d told him when you two started dating

“hey, are you okay?” he pulls your wrists away from your face

“how did this happen?” your voice is quiet, almost that he can’t hear it

you look up at him and the darkness in your eyes is familiar

too familiar

he promised he wouldn’t let this happen to you too

“y/n. snap out of it.”

no reaction

he grabs your shoulders and grips them, making sure you’re staring straight into his eyes

“i can’t stop thinking about it.”

he pulls you into his arms

“y/n, you are not your past lives. you are someone new, you are someone different. you are brave, you are strong, you are not responsible for what they did.”

“but it doesn’t change the fact that it was me. i took their lives.”

childe can see he’s not getting through to you

“i know. i know it’s hard. i know you never really forget the look in their eyes. and it’s okay. its fine. just please don’t feel guilty for a death you didn’t cause.”

“but how can i? how did- how did you...”

you stop talking for fear of upsetting him

he wants to tell you that he didnt stop hurting

he didnt get over it

he wakes up in a sweat fearing that the things he did will cause him to lose the good things he has

but that’s not something he can bring himself to say

so he just hugs you as you cry

because he knows you’re not a terrible person

because a terrible person wouldn’t have it in their hearts to love him

and although you don’t feel any less guilty

it’s better having him with you than being alone

zhongli

as someone who knows a thing or two about reincarnation

and also as rex lapis, who hurt people during the archon war

when you sneak into his arms for cuddles he doesn’t protest

“darling, is there a problem?”

you remain silent.

after a while, your quiet voice echoes out into the dark

“i was a terrible person.”

out of context, this would seem confusing

but he understands

“those people aren’t you.” he tries his best to speak words of comfort, but your tears continue to wet his shirt (not that he minds, he just doesn’t like it when you cry)

“i...i killed so many people..”

he holds you close to his chest, so you can hear his heartbeat

“a reincarnation of you, someone who has almost nothing to do with you...you aren’t a bad person, y/n.”

your guilt burns in your chest

you know zhongli is only trying to help

but you still can’t just forget what your past life did

“but that was me...just, different.”

he tries to comfort you in the best way he can: by explaining

“a reincarnation is described as sharing the same soul, but otherwise having nothing in common. you and all your reincarnations are completely different people, with nothing in common.”

you know he’s right

but you just want your chest to stop hurting and those memories to stop coming back

“it might help to get some sleep,” he says.

but sleep is the last thing on your mind right now

“even if you’re not tired,” he continues as if he can read your mind

“just closing your eyes for a bit”

you don’t feel like sleeping, but it can’t hurt to listen to him

you lean against his chest and close your eyes

he looks down at you and wishes he could take all your pain away

he wishes he still had his godly powers

surely there wouldve been some ability that he could use to help you

unfortunately, just hoping won’t be able to do much

so he holds you close and hopes you stop feeling guilty for crimes that you didn’t commit

and when you wake up, he’ll remind you that he loves you because of all the good things you do every single day

xiao

your regret is not all that different from his own

the sight is all too familiar

you’re curled up in a ball in the corner of the balcony at wangshu inn

“y/n, come out of there. i can see you perfectly well.”

you come out and rest your forehead against his chest

he can sense that you aren’t holding up too well

the only difference between your guilt and his own is that you aren’t responsible for the bad things your reincarnations did or may have done

“it’s not your fault. you couldn’t have done anything.”

he does feel sympathetic for you, but he’s firm in the fact that you have nothing to do with the past memories that have come flooding back

he notices that you’re wrapping your arms around him in a hug

he’s not the best at comforting, but he tries his best to return your embrace

he’d rest his chin on the top of your head if you started crying

most likely he would try to calm you down and help you relax because crying for a long time can get you sick

and that’s the last thing he wants

he would also let you sit on the couch in your room with almond tofu

if you wanted he would even let you sit on his lap and eat

(although he’d scold you if you got food on the couch)

he might run his fingers through your hair at an attempt to make you feel at ease

he does like cuddling, but this time you aren’t cuddling out of happiness

it’s understandable why you’d be distressed during a time like this, but he feels like you’re being sad over something you didn’t do

even if he’s unable to convince you that you’re innocent, he’ll still be there for you

the little things he’d do to help you feel better :((

and kiss your nose and forehead hhhh

feeding you almond tofu and whatever other food he can make without burning down the inn

if anyone comes to see you with a commission he would tell them you aren’t feeling your best and to come back later

(and they’d probably pee their pants because of the intimidation levels he’s giving off)

holding your hand and carrying you to bed if you fall asleep

oh god xiao please hold my hand pls jfdksghsla

if you go a bit too long with being sad he might tell you you’re being ridiculous and that your past lives don’t deserve your tears

harsh, but he just hates it when you’re unhappy

he would force you to go outside if you haven’t gotten sunlight in a while

and slowly but surely your guilt might die down

it could take a while but xiao is willing to wait as long as it takes

as long as he gets to see your smile again and hear your laughter because to him those are the most beautiful things in the world

a/n: they were all pretty angsty except for xiao’s...which had a happy ending. it took a bit longer to write but i really like the end product so i hope you guys enjoy! as of february 7, requests are CLOSED while i write the other ones i have in progress. they will open once all pending requests are written and posted! ty <3

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miraeluc · 3 years

Text

you have an eating disorder

prompt: “you never had issues with food - that is until your boyfriend makes a remark about your weight.”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female! reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: MAJOR TW!! anorexia, there’s swearing

genre: fluff, angst

NOTE: this is not proofread at all and it’s kinda short, i was struggling to finish it a lot, sorry :(

you were never one to pay special attention to your diet or anything

life is short, why spend it worrying about how your body looks?

food is food man, and you need it to live

there was no fun in dieting either, it’s not like you were ever fat anyway - with daily training you were in shape!

sure there were thinner girls, but like i mentioned, you just liked enjoying food without having to worry about losing weight all the time

your boyfriend, bakugo, just does not know how to express himself

he’s not the type to really pay any mind to your figure, he finds you pretty anyway

and its a plus anyway - whenever he feels full he can just push his plate towards you and you’ll gladly finish it for him

that is until one day

you were sitting with the baku squad at lunch

mina was telling you about a new tiktok trend she had stumbled upon and found hilarious

denki was currently fighting for his life against bakugo after saying his hair looked like he was just hit by an electricity quirk before he proceeded to zap him lightly

kirishima was regretting all of his life decisions when he decided to try and help denki

sero was just sat there,, recording it so he could show them just how stupid they looked afterwards

kirishima finally managed to pull said angry-boy away from kaminari

you always said he’s like a little angry pomeranian when angry lol

back to the plot omg i got carried away

after bakugo was calm enough to take his initial seat beside you, he was already too full and just overall not hungry

so he pushed his plate towards you

“eat up, fatass.” he grumbled out

you just looked up at him with wide doe-eyes, not expecting an insult to slip off his tongue

it was bakugo, what’d you expect lmao

you looked down at the plate, suddenly feeling very not hungry anymore, instead pushing the plate away as you grabbed your bag to stand up

“actually, i’ll head up to my room, i feel a bit sick”

you immediately left after that, not seeing the confused glances the table exchanged, mina smacking bakugo’s head

you went to your room and laid down, not knowing why bakugo’s comment had made you feel upset

you never get upset when he makes dumb remarks!!

so why now!!

you realised it when you were stood in front of the mirror, shirt lifted, staring at your own body

you did gain some weight.

you were upset at yourself because you usually didn’t mind!!

you know weight fluctuates, you know the small amount of chub you have will eventually pack it’s little bags and leave again

but it hurt because you wanted to be pretty for your boyfriend.

how could you be when he says you’re a fatass?

eventually, you ended up scrolling through your phone, looking at thin girls all day

you also looked up a few diets that worked very fast

by the time bakugo was aggressively knocking at your door you had closed all of the pages you were previously looking at

as soon as you swung the door open he strutted in, seating himself on your bed

“what was with you running off at lunch today?” he looked at you

you were still stood at your door like.... mm ok i guess make yourself at home

“huh? i told you, i felt a little sick.” you mumbled, closing the door again, it was getting late and you were not looking to be beheaded by aizawa

he scoffed “if you say so.” he laid down, kicking your blanket to the side

“i brought you some snacks - incase you got hungry..” he said, his face looking like >:(

he didn’t get them because he knew you liked them and wanted to make you happy! not at all!!

he just didn’t want to put up with you being whiny

that’s for sure the reason

you giggled, throwing yourself ontop of him - sounds of protest coming from him but he did wrap his arms around you

“since when are you so nice, katsuki?!” you teased

lol wrong move

in 0.01 seconds you were flipped over and held down as he started tickling you

“i’m not nice!”

the next morning you left extra early to avoid getting breakfast with bakugo

he didn’t seem to be bothered by it, he also has days where he just doesn’t feel like eating early in the morning so

it does start to bother him when that one day of skipping breakfast turned into every day

his google search bar is like

‘why does my gf not eat’

‘do girls not eat breakfast’

but this bitch is also too scared to approach you at first because he doesnt want you to know he truly cares

his ego is still too high for that

but you know better

you know he cares but sometimes you don’t feel good enough for him

you can’t help but compare yourself to other girls at your school

you distance yourself unknowingly, lost in the counting calories and exercising every day

everyone but you notices that you’re literally spiraling

you don’t notice that you look sick, skin paling and cheekbones getting more prominent every passing day

you don’t notice the growing eyebags under your eyes

all you notice is other pretty girls and how you want to look like them.

at first, your friends decide to give you some space, thinking that maybe you have to fix this within yourself and need space

and you do, but someone needs to snap you out of your little bubble

that someone is bakugo

so it goes like this

during training, he noticed your legs being a little more wobbly than usual

and he noticed that you were unfocused, not being able to dodge all of the enemies attacks

but something inside of him snaps when aizawa has to stop the fight because you were not even fighting back anymore

before aizawa even arrived in front of you, your world went black and you collapsed

bakugo was so angry at your training enemy

didn’t they fucking see your struggle??

did they really have to be stopped by their teacher??

would they even have stopped if it werent for aizawa??

probably not

but he didnt have time to go and yell at them because he was running towards you

aizawa let him pick you up

“bring her to recovery girl.”

of course he did

everyone watching was so shocked

because bakugo didn’t let out a sound the entire time

his face was pulled into a frown, as usual, but he wasn’t speaking- no, yelling

he showed past his classmates, walking towards recovery girl’s office

“ribbit, why was he so quiet?”

recovery girl was like ?!?!?! what the fuck happened when was the last time she ate

she had to give you a total parenteral nutrition

(that means nutrition/fluids are delivered into your body via a catheter placed in a vein of your body, usually lower arm)

when you woke up bakugo was sat next to the bed, reading the back of some medicine bottle he found there

when he noticed you awake he perked up a little, shoulders visibly relaxing

“what happened?”

he narrowed his eyes, wondering for a second if you were serious

“you’re starving yourself to near death, that’s what happened.”

you immediately grimaced

“did i pass out in front of everyone?”

“is that seriously what you’re worried about?!”

you remained quiet, looking away

“y/n, look at me.” he gently guided your head to face him

“i don’t know what drove you to do this to yourself, but i need you to stop. you’re going to die if you don’t stop. what idiot made you think you need to do this to yourself?! i’ll kill them!”

“you told me i was a fatass”

his jaw dropped

fuck

“you know i don’t mean when i insult you! i hide the fucking fact that i WANT you to eat by using insults! i’m so sorry..”

his voice went soft at the end

he truly felt so bad :(

he was the one that was supposed to protect you from others hurting you yet here he was, being the one that caused you to hink you weren’t worthy enough

“i know, but there’s so many much more prettier girls than me, i was afraid you’d lose feelings if i wasn’t thin enough.”

“are you kidding?! you’re the only one i have eyes for! all those other extra’s can fuck off, i don’t give a single shit about them!”

you were kinda tearing up

“do you promise?”

god, he felt so bad.

he sat on the edge of the bed, reluctantly pulling you in a hug

“i promise”

from that day on he made sure to remind you to eat meals, even if it was just something small

he ripped everyone’s heads off if they made a comment about your eating habits and/or weight

and he made sure you were the only one he loved

the day he saw you collapse something broke inside of him

it opened his eyes that hiding his emotions from you wouldn’t help you in your relationship

so while he supported you to build your feelings of self-worth and eating habits, you helped him start to open up, teaching him that showing emotions wasn’t embarassing

no one else knew how soft he could get with you and it should stay that way

you had a long way to go but it was all worth it in the end

he was your little angry pomeranian <33

requests: open

read rules before requesting.

#bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #eating disorder #eating disorder recovery #bnha fluff #bnha angst #denki kaminari #eijiro kirishima #mha fluff #mha angst #bakugo angst #bakugo fluff #bakugo drabble

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flowersbby · 4 years

Text

Drawn to You | Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader

Warning: Makeout, This is a lil long (I got carried away)

Word count: 3859

It was a typical night for you. You had your music playing faintly in the background while you were writing notes for your anatomy & physiology class when you felt your phone vibrate violently on your desk, which caused your French bulldog, Royal, to wake up from his snoring slumber on your lap. With an annoyed huff, you pick up your phone and notice your best friend Rae had texted you numerous times.

Rae 😴

Hey!

Among Us!

Now!

Need 10th person!

Pleaseeeeee

You stared at the messages for a minute. You were confused on why she asked you of all people. You were the opposite of the many streaming friends she had who were loud, funny, and all around GOOD at games. Your shy character would not fit well on her stream and you knew that. Plus, the only games you’ve played are Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, which requires no communication with people and you preferred it that way.

You

Why me? I’m in the middle of writing notes.

Rae 😴

There’s this person I want you to meet!

He’s really nice and you’ll warm up to the group in no time, I promise!

I won’t let them be mean to you 😤😤

They’re nice ppl anyway so they wont be mean lol

You

Okay.. let me load up my discord

Rae 😴

Yayy!

I already bought among us for you last time I was over so you’re good to go!

‘What? When did she find the time to buy the game for me? We were literally together the whole time she was here.’ You thought, but quickly dismissed it and loaded up discord. Right as you got online, you got an invite from Rae. You quickly grabbed your headset and adjusted your mic before joining the call. You petted Royal in an attempt to calm your nerves as you saw 9 peoples profile pictures appear in front of you. You only recognized Rae’s, of course.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Rae exclaimed, “Guys, this is my best friend (Y/N)! Introduce yourselves!”

“Hi, I’m Toast!” Said the man with the toast icon. You smiled at his profile picture. You found it cute.

“I’m Jack!” Said an Irish voice. You know Jack. You used to watch his videos a lot.

“I’m Poki!” Said a girl with a really sweet voice, “Nice to meet you!” You were about to say hello back when someone else chimed in.

“Hello, I’m Felix!” You recognized that Swedish accent. He was the most well known YouTuber, of course.

“Nice to meet you!” Said a really soft voice, “I’m Sykkuno!” His voice reminded you of an anime boy. You smiled to yourself.

“Hi, I’m Lily!” Said a really cute and high pitched voice.

“Hi everyon-” You went to introduce yourself properly until you got cut off.

“I’m Corpse.” Said a deep, attractive voice. Your eyes widened for a second, his voice catching you off guard.

“H-hello,” You attempt to say hello again but this time you’re a little shaken up by Corpse’s voice, but you get it together by petting Royal once again. “I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you all!”

“Your voice is so adorable!” Says Lily. You smile at the fact that someone who’s voice is equally as adorable complimented yours.

“Thank you!” You respond, “Your voice is adorable too, Oh my God!”

Lily giggles at your compliment. “Alright!” Exclaimed Rae, “Ready to play (N/N)?” You quickly realized you forgot to load up Among Us before hand. You were silently kicking yourself for not doing such a simple thing. Now they’re gonna have to wait longer to play because of you and they already waited long enough for you to join the discord call.

“Um..” You stall as you hurriedly click on the Among Us icon. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to load it up.. but it’s loading right now!” Your eyes are glued to the screen as if it’ll make the game boot up faster.

“That’s okay.” Said Corpse in the most kind voice. “It won’t take that long.” You feel heat rushing to your cheeks just by hearing his voice. Who is this man and why is he making you feel like this?

They all agreed with Corpse and continued chatting about whatever they were chatting about before you joined the call. You were half listening as you were trying to figure out what to do as the game loaded up. Just as you were about to ask Rae, Corpse sent you the game code through a private message. You typed “Thank you!” as you quickly entered your name and then the game code.

“Woo! (Y/N)’s here!’ Said Rae happily. “Choose your color and your hat!” ‘Where do I do that?’ You thought to yourself but quickly found it. You wanted to be pink but it wouldn’t let you choose it.

“Why isn’t it letting me choose pink?” You asked.

“It’s because Corpse is pink.” Explained Lily. “He took it from me too.” She said with a sad, but funny, tone.

“I can be a different color.” Corpse said and quickly changed his color from pink to white.

“Oh, Thank you!” You said happily and picked a flower to match it.

“No problem.” He said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made butterflies appear in your stomach.

“Are you kidding me?!” Said a laughing Lily. “I literally ARGUED with you about letting me have pink!”

“I sense something happening...” Cooed Rae in a sing songy voice. The whole group then erupted in “Ooooo’s”. This made you blush. You covered your face even though they couldn’t see you and Corpse chuckled, which only made you blush more.

Before the game started they all explained to you how to play so you wouldn’t be lost. This calmed your nerves a bit and when the game started you were happily going around the ship completing your tasks. Watering the plants was your favorite so far since you found it satisfying how the plants grew. You saw Corpse run up to you and you made your character step away a bit because you didn’t want to get killed. He instead ran circles around you and you decided to follow him for the rest of the game for safety. You both encountered Rae and Toast by the vending machines but didn’t think much of it and waited for Corpse to finish his task. Until Rae killed you and Toast killed Corpse. “A double kill?!” You shouted to yourself, causing Royal to wake up and slowly get off your lap. “I’m sorry buddy..” You said to him as he laid down in his dog bed. You turn your attention back to the screen as someone found you and Corpse’s dead bodies.

“Um, bodies found by the vending machines.” Said Felix who didn’t sound all too confident. “Jack where were you?” He asked.

“I was in..” As Jack was about to explain himself you heard a ‘pop’ emit from your headphones and saw a red dot by the messages icon. You clicked it and saw it was a message from Corpse. You completely stopped caring about the arguing going on through your headphones as Jack was trying to claim innocence.

“I like your flower :)” It read. You smiled big and immediately typed back.

Your fingers hovered over the keys thinking about what to type back but you settled on a simple “Thank you :D”.

After two games or so everyone got tired and decided to head out. You all said your goodbyes and watched as each person slowly began to leave the call. You didn’t want to leave until you were sure everybody was gone. Everybody left but Corpse. “Hey..” He said, sounding a little shy but it was probably just because he was tired.

“Hi!” You said a little too excited. You immediately wished you could reword what you said a little calmer.

“So, uh..” He began, “Could I possibly get your number? For Among Us games I mean?” He didn’t sound too sure of himself but him asking this made you beam with excitement.

“Of course.” You said calmer than before, “But I don’t know what help I’d be as I’m terrible at this game.” You giggled.

You typed in chat your number, your fingers shaking slightly. “Nah, I liked playing with you.” He said more confident, “You make it more fun. Even though I haven’t ever spoken to you before.” He chuckled. You smiled at his words. Butterflies formed in your stomach hearing him laugh.

You and Corpse chatted a bit more until he decided he should go, but you wished you guys could have kept talking the whole night. You felt this connection with him that you couldn’t put into words. It felt so easy for you to talk to him and you didn’t feel as nervous around him as the others you met today. There was something so calming about him that washed your fears away. You shook your head from the thoughts and told yourself that you just met him today, you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself but it was hard not to.

You were laying in your bed scrolling through twitter when you got a text.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

hey its corpse

is this (Y/N)?

Your heart skipped a beat. You were excited Corpse texted you so fast, hoping you two could continue talking.

You

That’s me!

I thought you were going to sleep?

Corpse🥺🖤

nah i hardly ever sleep i just left because i didnt want to keep you up

i really enjoyed playing with you

You

I enjoyed playing with you too

We should play together again soon

Corpse🥺🖤

definitely

You’ve begun to become really good friends with Corpse over the past week. You and him would facetime each other whenever you could. You always were on facetime with him, actually. Whenever you were studying, you guys were talking. Whenever he was editing, you guys were talking. When you were about to go to bed, you guys were talking.

Right now, you guys were facetiming as you were studying for an upcoming exam and he was trying to stay awake. You liked having him around when you were studying even if it was through a phone. You didn’t feel pressured to talk or have to worry about an awkward silence with him. It was comfortable silence.

You started to worry that you were keeping him up, though. “You can go to bed if you want,” You said softly as you looked up from your textbook to the black screen propped up against a few books. “ I don’t want to keep you up. You need some rest.”

“No..” He muttered, “I like having you around..”

“I like having you around too Corpsie but we can talk when you wake up.” You told him a little sternly in an effort to convince him to go to bed.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked out of the blue.

You paused before answering and shifted your gaze to the black screen once again. “Yeah sure, go ahead.”

“Do you want to maybe stay over here for a bit?” He asked, “Whenever you’re free, I mean. If you don’t want to I get that too I just feel so drawn to you I want you closer to me. Is that weird? I’m sorry if that’s weird. Actually, forget I said-”

“I’d love to come over.” You told him with a smile. “When would you want me to be there?”

“As soon as possible.” He said in his raspy, tired voice. Butterflies formed in your stomach and you felt your heart skip a beat. This man was something else.

“I can be over there in the morning..” You start, “I just have to pack and everything. Is it okay if I bring Royal? I don’t want to leave him with my sister.” You look over to Royal sleeping peacefully on your bed, snoring away.

“Hell yeah!” Corpse exclaimed, “I love animals! Bring him over.” You giggled at his excitement.

Corpse ended up falling asleep soon after and you ended the call. As you were getting ready for bed you began to think of what Corpse’s place would be like and what you guys would do. You were definitely going to show him Stardew Valley, that was for sure. You pondered the thought of you finally confessing to him that you wanted to be not just his friend, but girlfriend. You’ve been wanting to do it for awhile now but you get too scared and end up chickening out, so you figured if he liked you like you like him, he’d make the first move. You started to make up scenarios in your head about finally hanging out with Corpse in person as you drifted off to sleep, hearing Royal snoring peacefully in the background.

It was the next morning and as soon as you woke up you changed into your favorite outfit and began to pack. You didn’t know how long you were staying for but you decided to pack about 2 weeks worth of clothes just to be on the safe side. Royal was sitting on the floor watching you as you hurried from your closet to the suitcase on your bed. You were happily humming as you were excited about the day. You heard your phone buzz and you quickly grabbed it from your bed as you saw the name pop up on the screen.

Corpse🥺🖤

hey :)

heres the address:

You

Thanks! and hello 😊

You two texted until you were ready to go. You were definitely NOT looking forward to driving two and a half hours from LA to San Diego but you were so excited to see Corpse that the dread of the long car ride washed away.

You put Royal into his harness and plopped him in the back seat. He looked at you confused since he rarely ever gets to go for rides in the car. “We’re going to see a friend!” You tell him while petting his head. He then laid down and began to close his eyes.

After what seemed like forever you were finally outside Corpse’s apartment. You grabbed Royal and attached his leash to his harness and then proceeded to grab your giant (and heavy) suitcase out of the trunk. You struggled getting the suitcase up the apartment building stairs but you managed. You felt a sense of relief that his apartment building had an elevator so you didn’t have to deal with more stairs. The ones at the entrance were enough. While you were waiting for the elevator to take you to his floor you took this opportunity to text him.

You

On my way up!

Almost immediately after you sent it he read it. He started typing but the three dots quickly disappeared. Before you could question it the elevator doors opened to his floor. “Come on, Bud!” You said to Royal and motioned for him to go ahead. Royal got up from his sitting stance and lead the way. After passing 2 other doors, you were at Corpse’s. You knocked two times.

You heard shuffling on the other side and the door knob turning shortly after. Before you knew it, Corpse was in front of you. His eyes were looking at yours. You immediately smiled. “Hi.” Corpse said with a slight smile as well.

“Hi..” You said shyly. You didn’t know how to react now that he was in front of you and not behind a screen. He stepped aside and motioned for you to come inside. You entered his apartment and set your suitcase by the couch. Royal was pawing at Corpse’s leg, begging for pets.

“Aww, hi buddy!” Corpse said excitedly. “He’s so well behaved.” Corpse was talking to you now.

“Yeah, it took work though.” You laughed slightly. “Your place is really nice.” You said as you looked around. You noticed all of his mirrors were covered up, but you decided not to ask him about that. He probably had his reasons.

“Thank you.” Corpse said as he looked at you. “You look pretty.”

You blushed and turned your head away from him so he couldn’t see your pink cheeks. “Thank you.”

Corpse cleared his throat, “So uh, I don’t have a guest bedroom so I’ll take the couch for however long you want to stay.”

You quickly shot your head at him. “No no no I’m not letting you sleep on the couch in your own apartment.” You argued with him.

“Well, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.” Corpse stated.

“Then we’ll share your bed.” You said with a shrug and headed towards his room to set your suitcase down, Royal following closely behind you. You didn’t see anything wrong with it. You and Rae share one whenever you guys sleep over at each other’s house and you thought this was no different

“O-okay.” He responded and quickly followed after you, “So, this is my room.” he said as you and him both entered.

“I like it!” You exclaimed as you looked around. You liked how dark it was in there. You smiled at him and he smiled back at you. That smile.. You thought and quickly fumbled with your suitcase as you set it down by his closet. Corpse came closer to you.

“Can I give you a hug?” Corpse said a little shyly, as if I’d say no.

“Of course!” You said and wrapped your arms around his neck. He was taken aback but quickly put his hands around your waist. You caught a whiff of his mild cologne which made you want to stay in the hug a little longer. You didn’t want to be weird though and pulled away from the embrace.

“I’m really happy you’re here.” He said as he looked into your eyes. I could kiss him right now, oh my God. Your mind raced, but you managed to get out some words.

“I am, too.” You said.

It’s only been about a day since you’ve been over at Corpse’s. Sharing the bed seems to be no big deal as he barely seems to sleep. You so far liked being there with him.

Right now, you were on the phone with an overly excited Rae.

“You’re at his HOUSE?!” She yelled excitedly in your ear. Your face cringed a little bit from the yelling.

“Yeah,” You told her, “He has a really nice place.” You said as you scanned his living room.

“I knew you guys would hit it off!” Rae said, “I should be a matchmaker or something.” You blushed at her comment.

“Nothing’s happened yet.” You said quietly, not wanting Corpse to hear you.

“Girl, you’re at his house.” Rae said in a obvious tone. You rolled your eyes.

“This could just mean he likes having me over as a FRIEND.” You told her. You were hoping that wasn’t the case though and Corpse did have feelings for you. You smiled at the thought.

“You are so oblivious.” Rae said with a sigh, “Anyway, I gotta go workout. Love ya! Hope everything goes well!” She said the last part in her sing songy voice.

“Love you too!” You said back and ended the call. What do I do now? You thought. Corpse was streaming so you couldn’t hangout with him right now and your physics class isn’t till a few hours. You were hungry, though, and decided to cook some lunch for you and Corpse. It’ll be a nice surprise for him. You smiled at the thought.

You made your delicious Dorito taco salad that you love so much. You made a bowl for Corpse as well and took it to his room where he resided. He didn’t seem to be streaming anymore and was just scrolling through Twitter on his computer.

“I come with food!” You say as you place the bowl down in front of him. You seem to have startled him as he jumped slightly when you spoke. He examined the bowl suspiciously.

“What is this?” He says cautiously of your creation.

“It’s Dorito taco salad.” You explain, “It has crushed up Doritos, of course, shredded chicken, lettuce, olives, and sour cream in it.” He seemed to be skeptical of it, which was a given every time you made it for someone new, but people ended up loving it when they tasted it. You were confused as to how many people found it weird since your mom made it for you when you were a kid a ton, so you were used to the delicious lunch dish.

“Okay.” He said and took a bite of it. His eyes lit up. “Oh my god, this is so good!” He exclaimed and took another bite. You giggled with excitement that he loved it like you did.

You both ate together and laid down on the bed as you talked about random things that were going on in your lives. You guys were laughing at a joke Corpse said until Corpse got serious.

“I have to tell you something.” Corpse said and looked into your eyes.

“Okay,” You said confused, “Go ahead.”

He took a deep breath. “I like you.” He confessed, “Like, romantically. I have for awhile now actually and I don’t know what it is about you and I thought I was done with love but you make me feel so happy and different from anyone else I’ve talked to. You don’t have to feel the same way but I couldn’t keep my feelings in for any longer.”

You paused for a moment. Is this actually happening? Are you in a dream? “I like you too, Corpse.” You say softly. His eyes beam with excitement..

“Really?” He asks.

You laugh at his bewilderment. “Yes, really!”

He tackles you in a hug on the bed. You giggle from his excitement. He’s on top of you and he lifts his head up from your neck to look you in the eyes. You get a rush of emotions as you see the care and love in his eyes as he’s looking at you.

You blurt out what you were thinking in that exact moment. “Kiss me.”

He leans in and kisses you softly. One hand is holding him up on the bed as the other is cupping your cheek. You take one hand and tangle it in his hair. This causes him to deepen the kiss with you. The kiss turns rough. You’re both so in the moment you don’t want to come up for air but you guys manage to keep going by taking in air when your lips part for brief moments. The hand that was cupping your cheek is now next to your head, taking the responsibility of holding him up. The other hand is trailing up and down your thigh, squeezing your thigh tightly ever so often. You eventually break the heated kiss and look up at him. You were hoping he could see the love you had for him in your eyes.

“I liked that.” You say smiling.

He chuckled at your words. “I like it too.”

#corpse x reader #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband #corpse #fic #fanfic

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gentil-minou · 2 years

Text

okay i was gonna work on my fic but i need to get out this idea now before it escapes me

An adrinette weathering with you AU

(spoilers for the movie under the cut and good god i highly recommend it especially if you liked your name)

adrien lives in a france that has seen an ridiculously rainy year (idk maybe south of france whereever the rich folks live or maybe he's in england i havent figured that out yet). his dad is abusive and beats him and he has nothing but sad rainey days until one day he sees the sun! but it's going away! in the direction of paris. and poor little sunshine boy has been desperate for some sign of hope and there it is! so he goes and runs away to go to paris

and like maybe hes in a boat or a train or whatever but in the process he's so over excited that he nearly gets killed but is saved by human Plagg who seems like a sleeazy guy but hes nice and say if you need anything kid here's my business card cause he's paternal instinct kick in (more on that later) and then they go their separate ways

and so adrien is wandering around paris but poor kid never really understood how money works and he's almost out and hes sleeping on cold streets (he meets a little cat that seems to be a stray and he puts a little bell collar he found or whateves idk and names the cat Ame for rain cause he's a weeaboo) and he's starving and he goes to a bakery and orders a small cocoa or the cheapest drink but hes starving and mari comes and gives him some food and he's all like heart in his eyes agreste and yeah but then they separate

and adrien calls up plagg desperate for money and he and tikki take him in (have to figure out if i want them as chaotic besties or romantic partners idk yet but i wanna make something tragic between them) and he hires adrien to work for him on his shady newspaper and during the course they find out about sunshine girls also known as ladybugs (based on some myths that say they bring good luck and good weather) and he starts looking for her.

and one day he finds mari again and she is in big trouble and he saves her and adrien finds out she is a ladybug! and so together they go and start their 100% sunshine girl business and bring moments of sunshine back into paris and adrien does it cause money and he fell for mari first site and mari does the same for adrien cause she loves him (but he dont know that) but also cuase she's been bad luck all her life and now she can finally do something

but then the thing is that every time a ladybug uses her sunshine powers she gives part of herself to the sky, and mari hides this cause she wants to be useful and be needed and she doesnt want to let adrien down. meanwhile it keeps getting worse and the weather gets worse to the point where it snows in august and mari realizes she has to sacrifice herself for the good of humanity.

meanwhile adrien's dad has been trying to find him and bring him back and keeps chasing him and when they get close he escapes and mari goes with him desperate to keep him safe but they are struggling and paris is freezing and mari has to come to terms with the fact that if she doesn't sacrifice herself (and fuck imcrying) the world will end (you best believe im gonna find a way to make a chat blanc reference) and so while she and adrien are in hiding he admits how much he loves her and gives her a pair of ladybug earings he saw that reminded him of her and she finally tells him that she has been slowly disappearing and he says no we will figure this out we will i promise but mari knows it will just get worse and the snow beats on the walls and she sees him shivering and she knows what she has to do

that night she sobs and realizes she wants him to live and sacrifices herself to save the city

and adrien wakes up and is distraught because omg where did mari go no please no she couldnt have she didnt please dear god no but its true shes gone and at that moment his dad's goons find him and start to take him away but no he cant let them no please he has to go save mari she sacRIFICED HERSELF TO SAVE US AND I HAVE TO GO SAVE HER PLEASE but they arent listening so he fights and runs away and tikki and plagg help him get to the portal or whatever i need to figure this out cause paris doesnt have temples lol but he gets to it and is able to use the power of love (always so strong) to reach the sky lands and bring mari back and they fall and

(maybe they separate i kinda want a sweet reunion but i do not want adrien back to his dad's place maybe he lives with plagg and like prosecutes his dad or whatever)

and paris is still suffering with water and rain and endless weather problems but adrien realizes it cant just be him and her to shoulder the weight of the world and in the end adrien realizes he's chosen this world, he chooses her, he needs her more than any blue sky AND I SOB

(AND WE EXPLORE THE THEME OF DEATH AND LOSS BECAUSE I THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING THE MOV9IE COULD HAVE DONE MORE OF AND IM JUST HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS ABNOUT THIS BUT I CANT WRITE IT RIGHT NOWWSDJKFHDSJFS)

#god im so in love wit this movie i have so many wips but the moment i saw hina i was like omg the au potential is muah #anyways this is a public service announcement to watch this movie it is phenomenal #miraculous ladybug #weathering with you #bushy writing #ml au #not going back to fix my typos lol you all get to suffer with me i need to go take a break I'm an emotional mess rn

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hufflautia · 4 years

Text

Different Love Languages

✨COMMENTS+REBLOGS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED✨ They motivate me and make me supes happy, so please pretty please reblog and/or comment!! It doesnt even have to be a coherent comment, keysmash if you must! ok fanks go read now and enjoy <3

Summary: Hufflepuff is the type of person to express her love verbally but Slytherin is different; he hardly says “I love you” and Hufflepuff worries that maybe it’s because he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. Our darling puff will realize that this is simply not the case. People just have different love languages.

Hufflepuff loved Slytherin. She really did. In fact, she reminded him frequently.

“I love you,” she chortled during breakfast when Slytherin had cast a spell to make the bacon strips float around in a dancing manner so that she would cheer up after reading depressing news from the Daily Prophet. Another time, she cooed the term of endearment as he held her tightly in his arms, swaying to the sound of music in the background.

The thing was that Slytherin rarely said “I love you” in the entirety of their relationship. Instead of saying it back to her, he often replied by cupping her cheeks tenderly and leaning in for another kiss. Other times, he responded with a loving smile, his eyes glowing with warmth and infatuation.

It’s not that Hufflepuff thought Slytherin didn’t love her. She could definitely see it in the way that he looked at her, in those stolen glances when he thought she wasn’t looking. She could feel it when he held her close at night, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

However, a part of her- the small shadow of doubt within her heart that told her that Slytherin didn’t care for her as much as she did for him- just wished for some kind of affirmation, a clear signal that said, “I love you.”

One day, Hufflepuff and Slytherin sat side by side in Potions class, listening to Professor Slughorn drone on and on about Felix Felicis. She was absentmindedly staring at the board when Slytherin slid his notes in front of her so that she could see the doodle he drew on the side of his paper.

*Credit: Beastflaps*

Hufflepuff bit her lip to suppress a laugh and squeezed his hand 3 times.

Unfamiliar with the motion, Slytherin asked what the squeezes meant.

“It means I love you,” she whispered. Her voice was soft so that Professor Slughorn didn’t overhear their conversation.

Nevertheless, Slytherin heard every word. A smile tugged at his lips and he immediately squeezed it back. He didn’t just stop there; he repeated the gesture about 6 times- and Potions class hadn’t even ended yet.

From that day forward, Slytherin constantly told her I love you. Sometimes he squeezed her hand randomly- before he left for Quidditch practice, during breakfast when she passed him a plate of toast, and after he walked her back to the dormitory.

Aside from that, he would occasionally tap out the gesture with his finger.

Tap tap tap.

Hufflepuff looked up from her book and made eye contact with Slytherin from across the room. She knew what it meant. She always did.

Slytherin said I love you all the time now, more often than Hufflepuff’s verbal “I love you”.

She realized that he had a different love language from her, and that was ok. It was the love itself that mattered.

On their wedding day, as the officiant performed the ceremony, Hufflepuff looked up at Slytherin with adoration. “I love you,” she whispered.

He smiled warmly at her and squeezed her hand four times.

I love you too.

Based on a true story! If you can’t see the link that I attached, here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/ahb1c1/sometimes_i_forget_my_husband_has_a_different/

MASTERLIST ~(˘▾˘~) (click my profile to see the pinned post, aka my masterlist, if you cant see the link)

Author’s note: YAYAY HI!!! DID YOU LIKE THAT??

probably yall @ me rn lmaoaoao

You might be wondering why i wrote this one-shot. There was no special occasion this time, I just got a bonk of inspiration one day. also i felt bad for reblogging my ice skating oneshot so much (i did it to respond to other peoples reblogs) and i sent an ask to my favorite fanfic writer, asking her about what happens if i reblog my own work and if it pushes my fanfic up the algorithm, and she answered my question but also said that she usually deletes her reblogs bc her followers would probably get annoyed if they kept seeing the same work over and over again. i felt bad bc i had just done that, and i didnt want yall to constantly see the same fanfic all the time, so i wanted to give u something new. also i was thinking back on that person who said that my writing was sporadic (they werent trying to be mean). Sporadic basically means spaced out and occuring at different intervals. i felt bad bc my writing is definitely spread out by one month for some reason. im not sure what this means for next month bc i never write 2 fanfics in one month. does this mean that i wont write a fanfic for november? hopefully not. ok that sounds sad, im sure it doesnt but who knows bc the college process thingies is killing me

I wrote out the general details of the story at 1 am one night when i was trying to sleep lmaoao heres a screenshot:

This is basically how I write for most of my fanfics at first, it consists of the general info along with some specific details.

At first, the one-shot was gonna be a drabble (aka a story that’s only 100 words long) but when I finished writing it, I went to wordcounter to check the number of words and it was 500! i was like oop ok im just gonna call it a oneshot then. i wrote part of the story on sunday morning and then i went to exercise in the park with my sister. afterwards, i wanted to keep working on it but then i became swamped with college stuff so i stopped. i started writing again today (its monday, but im posting it on tuesday, aka today for you- or maybe not if ur not reading this on the day that i posted it) and i surprisingly finished- but that was probably a bad idea to be writing the oneshot during this week because i have a lot of exams, but lets look at the bright side, i finished the story!

I didn’t think of the idea completely on my own. I actually read the reddit story (found it in a thread on insta) a few years ago, and I don’t know why but I was thinking about it that night and I decided to make a one-shot out of it! Isn’t it such a sweet story (the actual story, not this)?? It would be kinda nice if I reached out to the person and said, hey i wrote a story based on you and ur husband!

Anyways, I just made a meme:

i didnt actually get up, i just opened the notes app on my phone in the dark and wrote the details down.

this isn’t related but i made a meme about the ice skating oneshot:

I’m gonna cut the authors note short (i usually write a lot. its funny when u go back and see my authors note in chapter 1 of the slytherpuff series, bc its so so short. wowza, times have rlly changed!) bc i think i have at least 2 exams tomorrow. this is gonna be me when i post this one-shot in the morning:

bc i have to wake up early and i am most definitely not a morning person:/ OH GOD OK I HAVE TO STUDY NOW-

Love you all, thank you for reading! TOODELOOOOOOO

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

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thechangeling · 3 years

Text

Shame

Kit reflects on his life and his sexual orientation. I guess this is kind of a character study peice but also partly headcanon.

Ok so massive trigger warnings for internalized homophobia and biphobia. Also a 2012 definition and understanding of bisexuality and gender sk sorry about that but I wanted to be accurate to the time period.

I still have a lot of internalized homophobia even in the year of our lord 2021 so I wanted to work through it in my writing I guess.

"I think you're only fighting for the sake of fighting. Because it's the only state in which you can function. The only way to stop that voice in your head from driving you insane. The one telling you that you should be ashamed of yourself for having loved him."

- Black Sails: Season 2 Episide 5

Kit could remember the first time he felt it as clear as day. The first time he felt that twinge at the pit of his stomach after being reprimanded for talking about his crush on a boy. The inward cringe that followed. That disgust others showed him, reflected back onto himself.

Self loathing became as easy as breathing at such a young age.

He could distinctly remember being in mundane first grade and being asked by a loud girl with light blond hair and crystal blue eyes who he had a crush on. Kit had seen no reason to lie at the time. He had told the girl that he had two crushes. One on a girl in their class who was shy and asocial (he had always had a thing for nerds apparently) with her jet black hair that was always full of hello kitty clips, and another on a boy in a different class who was blond like him with a round face and a giant friendly smile that Kit loved to stare at.

At the time he had no real sense of the seriousness of what he was saying. No sense that he was breaking an unspoken rule in the eyes of his classmates. But Kit would never forget the look on the girls face. The eyes that narrowed in distain, the curled lip and the way her nose crinkled in disgust as she she said, "boys arent supposed to have crushes on boys. That's gross." And the cackling laughter of his classmates surrounding him.

And the feeling that followed, the one that would become as familiar and easy as breathing.

Shame.

That pinch in his gut and the way his blood went cold like someone had just injected him with antifreeze. And then the sinking in his chest accompanied by the realization that he had done something terrible. Kit realized that day that he could never make that same mistake again. So after that day he vowed never to talk about his interest in boys ever again.

The first time he heard the word gay he was eight and it was as an insult. It wasn't directed at him but it still felt like it was. He learned to make the connection between the word and disgust and contempt. But as he grew older he became relieved, because he knew he liked girls. He had always thought they were pretty with their soft skin and nice smelling hair. This meant he wasn't gay so he was safe. He convinced himself that he had just been confused before when he was younger.

So he grew up pushing those feelings to the side and telling himself convincing lies over and over until he finally believed it, and Johnny Rook made it easy. Kit was often so preoccupied with running cons and keeping a low profile that he didn't have much time for self reflection. When he found his gaze wandering, he told himself he was just being curious or suspicious or just appreciating an attractive guy from a purely aesthetic point of view and there was absolutely nothing else to it. He kissed pretty girls whenever he had the chance and enjoyed it and relished in the fact that this meant he was safe.

From an outside perspective it may have looked like Kit Herondale was losing control of the situation.

Maybe they were right.

Tiberius Nero Blackthorn felt like a giant fuck you from the universe for believing that he could ever escape this. Or maybe he was a test. But whatever Ty was, it was a little hard to care when he was animatedly explaining the reproductive cycle of a starfish and beaming at Kit with his rare carefree smile that made Kit feel like he was drowning in bliss.

And despite everything. Despite Kit's fear, it made him want to smile too. The urge to reach out and touch Ty was like a burning in his veins, accompanied by the foolish belief that if Kit could just run his fingers through Ty's matted black hair or press his forehead against his, then everything would be alright.

Kit wasn't sure if he should be grateful or furious.

"How beautiful" had been his first thought upon seeing him. Slipping out of some deep treacherous part of him before he could stop it. Followed of course by the shame.

But he wasn't gay. It didn't matter that Ty was beautiful and captivating and made him feel like he was strong enough to fight the gods themselves given the challenge. It didn't mean anything. He was just confused.

And when Julian made a comment about Herondales having a certain type when he called Clary hot, he ignored the twisting of his insides and the painful fact that his thoughts were drifting off into forbidden territory. He pretended that he was what Julian said he was. What he was supposed to be.

When Livvy had asked him to kiss her it felt like a lifeline. A way to distract himself from all the chaos in his life as well as a way to take his mind off of Ty. A pretty girl was giving him something to cling onto, if only for a moment. He still paused to look upwards. An automatic reflex. Almost as if he was a magnet trying to snap back into it's original place.

Livvy kissed him and although it was nice and sweet, he still felt nothing. Only longing for something else.

Then he learned about Kieran and how he was basically Mark's ex boyfriend. He had been sure that Mark was dating Emma so he asked Livvy about it. She had given him a confused look and just said that Mark was bisexual.

Bisexual.

He had heard the word before, mostly to describe celebrities who wanted to make a name for themselves in the tabloids. Kit had always quickly dismissed it before he could allow himself to actually ponder the idea. It was safer to assume it wasn't actually real, because if it wasn't real then it couldn't be him. He wouldn't have to face up to the fact that an attraction to men and women sounded uncomfortably accurate and familiar.

Bisexual. It gnawed at him in his sleep. Poking at his insides and refusing to let him forget it. And so Kit clued his eyes shut and squirmed his way out if it. He thought of the way Ty's smoke coloured eyes seemed to bore into Kit's soul. The sharp angles of his cheekbones and curve of his cupid's bow. Kit thought of the way Ty had asked if he could give Kit a permanent rune and when Kit had answered sarcasticly, Ty's crestfallen expression had horrified him to the point where Kit had practically begged Ty to do it.

Anything to get that look off Ty's face. But it wasn't like that he reminded himself. It wasn't love. It wasn't love.

Jesus. Love. Just the idea of the word sent Kit into a blind panic. And there was that old familiar feeling curling around his gut. That same disgust. That shame.

Not towards Ty. No of course not. He could never feel that way about Ty, or Mark or Kieran or Helen or Aline or anyone else because they didn't deserve it.

But he did. He always did.

When Livvy was killed, Kit almost felt a sense of relief because at least now he had something else to focus on, something g else to worry about. If he was focused on protecting Ty from his own worst instincts then he wouldn't have time to get list I'm thoughts he shouldn't be having.

He knew this made him a selfish horrible person. Kit accepted it.

Kit knew this plan of Ty's was a reckless and horrible idea but he just couldn't stand to see him in pain. He also couldn't bare the thought if what might happen if he refused to help Ty. Also he was helpless in the face of Ty's pleading gaze. Deep down Kit knew that he would probably do anything for him.

He would break himself trying to put Ty back together.

It wasn't until Ty actually attempted the spell that Kit finally cracked. He couldn't let Ty go through with this. He couldn't risk it.

Why? Something inside of him pondered.

Why?

Because Kit was going to die if something happened to Ty. The spell was going to go bad and Ty was going to get hurt or killed and Kit's heart was going to be brutally ripped from his chest and it was going to be unbearable.

Because-

"I love you Ty," he breathed, hating himself instantly. "I love you."

Ty didn't respond. He didn't react, didnt even flinch. Just stared blankly at Kit.

Shame.

It was going to ruin him. It was going to swallow him whole.

Yikes that was kinda all over the place sorry.

I'm basically tagging all if my mutuals at this point. Let me know if you want me to stop tagging you. @scrat-is-god @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @irene-blacxthorn @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @anxiousbookenthusiast @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @autumnangel20 @hufflepuffyskam

Also let me know if you want to be added!

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit x ty #kit herondale #twp #ty blackthorn #tw internalized homophobia #tw internalized biphobia

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