#oh boy this will be a disaster i hope we gain a last interaction from them where marcy is HURT AND PISSED

[veromdraws]

"let's... not talk about it..."

[americancowgirl19]

She’s the Alpha - Part One

Series Summary: Gen and Y/n have been together since they were in high school. They’re true mates. Only problem is that they’re both female and are unable to satisfy the other’s heat/rut. When Gen gets a job on Supernatural they meet Alpha Jensen and his Omega Jared.

Part Summary: By the time you turned 18 you have gone through two life changing events. The first being when you presented as an alpha. The second is when you found your omega.

Warnings: Y/n treated like an OC, cursing, bullying/harassment, homophobia, angst, fluff, abuse, hint at smut/intimacy, light girl on girl,

Reader: Alpha Female Reader

Pairings: Alpha Female Reader x Omega Genevieve, Eventual Alpha Jensen x Omega Jared x Alpha Female Reader x Omega Genevieve

Word Count: 5,662

A/n: Jensen and Jared won’t show up until the next part. This chapter is character background and a lot of Gen x Reader. Possibly a 15 part series!

Masterlist

Part Two

Presenting

The weeks prior to presenting were tense to say the least. You felt as if everyone was testing your patience, especially your twin brother, Ashton. You withdrew from your friends and family. The last thing you wanted was to get into screaming matches with your parents like Ash had been doing.

Despite the obvious signs, nobody expected you to present as an alpha. Female alphas are much rarer than male omegas. Although, presenting as an omega didn’t seem likely either. You were stronger willed than the omegas your family interacted with. Becoming a beta is what was expected of you. Albeit, doing what was expected of you was never really your thing.

Frankly, you would rather be a beta than an alpha. Your family held alpha’s to a higher standard compared to beta’s and omega’s. A standard you didn’t care to be held to. To be honest, your family was ridiculous when it came to alphas.

However, all thoughts of an easy going beta life flew out the window on your 16th birthday. Finally, the moodiness and the short fuse you had recently acquired made sense. 

To say that this complicated things is an understatement. Presenting as an alpha completely changed your world. One day you were the girl who remained unseen in the background. Now, you’re the girl trying to survive your alpha father and alpha brother. Three alpha’s under one roof is recipe for disaster.

Senior Year

“I cannot wait until I can pack up and leave this place in my rear view mirror,” Ash grumbles walking beside you down the road. The further the two of you walked from home the less weight seemed to be on your shoulders.

“You need a car to have a rear view mirror,” You tease him while keeping a watchful eye on your younger siblings a little ways in front of you. Ash rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in his pockets. “All I want is to get out of that damn house. I don’t care where I go,” You comment with a small shrug.

It didn’t matter if you moved into the house next door or in an apartment on the other side of the world. As long as you weren’t under your parents roof, you would be happy. You craved independence. You craved separation from your parents. Yet you didn’t want to be too far from your siblings but at the same time you didn’t mind putting more distance between you and them.

“I’m not going to be able to listen to dad’s bullshit for very much longer,” You hum in agreement. You remember a time when your dad had been your hero. Now, you couldn’t wait to get as far as possible from the man.

Your father made it his mission to make you and your brother the toughest alpha’s in town not only mentally but physically as well. He’s even tried to make you both arrogant assholes, like typical alpha’s, with all his ‘alpha’s are above others’ speeches. 

There was also a point in time when your father had tried to pin you and your brother against each other. You hated to admit that it worked for almost an entire year before the two of you figured out that you were stronger when you had each others backs.

“We just have to make it through graduation,” You tell him.

“Yeah,” Ash scoffs. “Another ten damn months,”

“No one said it was gonna be easy,” 

A couple minutes later you were at the school. Your two younger siblings had dashed off but you didn’t care. You made sure they got to school, your job was over.

The moment you entered the high school you sensed something was different. You didn’t know what it was and tried to ignore the feeling but it was damn near impossible.

You caught yourself looking around as you and Ash walked to your lockers. You didn’t know what you were looking for but assumed you would know when, or if, you found it.

“Do you know if anyone presented alpha recently?” You ask your brother.

“God, I hope not,” Ash groans closing the door. “The last thing we need is another damn alpha walking around,”

There’s three other alphas in your school, excluding you and your brother. One of the alpha’s, Julian, is chill and keeps to himself. The other two, however, are always competing for top dog. The last thing this school needed was yet another alpha to add into the mix.

“Why do you ask?” Ash asks, the two of you walking to your first class.

“I don’t know,” You sigh. “I just feel like something’s different,” Ash glances at you but doesn’t say anything.

All throughout the day you felt on edge. Ash could pick up on your tenseness causing his own mood to turn more alert. It wasn’t until the end of the day did you find the answer to why the both of you were so apprehensive.

You and Ash were at your lockers preparing to leave school. Ash was suggesting that you went to The Dutch, a local bar and grill. It had been a long and tense day, the last thing he wanted to do was go straight home where the environment is even more stressful.

You muttered a response not really listening to what he was saying. Ash talked 90% of the day, whether you were in class or not, and you had learned to tune him out. Instead of paying attention to Ash, your eyes were trained down the hall. In the corner stands a shorter girl with beautiful, long, dark hair. She had your complete attention from the moment you laid eyes on her.

Unfortunately, you weren’t the only one with eyes on her. Andrew, one of the schools asshole alpha’s, had her in his sights. The moment he came into your eye sight you knew what he was planning. The thought of him even standing next to her angered you.

“Y/n, where are you going?” Ashton questions when you suddenly walk away. You don’t answer him. He grumbles but quickly follows after you. It wasn’t until you got closer to the girl did you realize that she’s an omega.

“I’m not interested,” She tells Andrew. You ignore the affect that her voice has on you.

“Not yet but I can change your mind,”

“What is it with you morons and not understanding the meaning of the word ‘no’?” You ask, gaining Andrew’s attention. He turns toward you. His eyes flicker from you to Ashton, who’s standing behind you. “No, means, no, asshole,” Andrew glares at you trying to be intimidating. However, you weren’t intimidated by boys trying to be men.

“Why don’t you just move along?” Andrew suggests, wanting to continue talking to the omega but also wanting to avoid you and Ash. “I’m trying to have a conversation with her,”

“You’re not exactly conversation material,” The girl speaks up. Your gaze, along with Andrew’s, returned to the smaller girl. She spoke to Andrew before her eyes flickered to you. The moment your eyes met, a small small comes to your lips. “The last thing I want to do is lose IQ points,” She comments, looking back at Andrew. She adjusts her bookbag on her shoulders and tries to talk around him but he quickly grabs her arm. The smile that had come to your face quickly washed away when you saw Andrew grab her as roughly as he had.

His hand only held her arm for a fraction of a second before you had removed it. Your hand grabbed his wrist tight enough to leave a nasty bruise. You twisted his arm until he was forced to release her and slammed him against the lockers. 

Andrew easily got out of your grip but before things could escalate Ashton jumps between the two of you. Ash knew you could handle yourself against Andrew but he also didn’t want a fight breaking out. A fight would send you to the principle which would force your father to get involved which would end in a situation neither of you wanted to be in.

“Just walk away,” Ashton advices Andrew. “We wouldn’t want a repeat of Junior year, would we?” Andrew growls stepping forward but a teacher speaks up before anything could happen.

“Life would have been much simpler if I had just been a beta,” The girl whispers under her breath. You hummed in agreement. Your eyes glancing to her when you’re confident Andrew wasn’t going to attack your brother. “Thanks,” She says, looking up at you.

“You look like you could handle yourself,” You tell her with a small smile. She blushes a bit which causes your heart to soar. The longer you stood beside her the less confident you became. Not many people made you nervous but this girl could make you weak to the knees with a single glance.

“Genevieve,” She introduces herself. She holds her hand out and you stare at it for a moment. Ash gives you a gently shove which snaps you out of your haze. Gen giggles a bit when you hand reaches out and grips her tightly. “But you can call me Gen,” She giggles again when you shake her hand quickly.

“Gen,” You whisper, smiling softly. “Oh, uh, Y/n,” You stutter while releasing her hand with a blush. “That’s uh... that’s my name,” You hand brushes through your hair.

“I figured,” Gen continues to smile at you. “It’s nice to meet you,”

Date Night

“How does this look?” You ask, your younger sister. 

“Like you’re trying too hard,” Naomi comments, hanging upside down on the edge of your bed.

“Really? I think I look cute,” You say standing in front of you full length mirror. You were wearing a nice dress. It’s the most feminine thing you’ve worn in a long time.

“You’re only going to the movies,” She tells you. “Besides, it doesn’t really look like you. You should wear some leggings and that cute jacket you got last month,”

“I’m with Naomi on this,” Ash says, walking into your room. You sigh but give in knowing they were more corradiated than you.

“If he coming to pick you up?” Naomi asks shifting onto her stomach when Ash sits beside her. You share a look with your twin.

“Uh, no,” You shake your head. “I’m meeting them at the movies,” You say carefully.

Ash is the only one that knows you were going on a date with a girl. On top of that it’s an omega that had asked you out. You could only imagine the shit show that would happen if your father found out. He would go on and on about how you needed to be with a man. Once he got past that he would tell you how un-alpha-like it is to be asked out by an omega. You, being the alpha, were the one who was supposed to ask the omega out.

You knew your younger siblings wouldn’t care but they also couldn’t keep a secret. The only concern your mother would have is the fact that she wouldn’t be able to satisfy your ruts and you wouldn’t be able to satisfy her heats. It wouldn’t be a problem now, or any time soon, but down the road you would need someone to help you. 

You didn’t ant to think about that right now. You just want to have fun with Gen. You liked her a lot. You could run your hands through her soft hair all day. She smelled as if she had come straight from heaven. Her skin also felt very smooth and perfect against yours. 

From the moment you two met you had grown to be very close. You would stay close during school and after school you would be together at her home. Her family was much more relaxed and open than yours.

The two of you had been cuddling in her bed while watching your favorite movie when she asked you out on a date. It had caught you off guard but you accepted.

Almost everything Gen did caught you off guard, in a good way. She was so unlike any omega you had met. She was outgoing and blunt. She could hold her own and didn’t need an alpha to cling too. She didn’t need you but she wanted you. You tended to be on the more reserved side but being around Gen brought you out more.

“What movie are you seeing?” Naomi asked. You answered all her questions as you finished getting ready. Ash picked out your shoes while Naomi helped with your makeup. You didn’t wear much makeup but a little bit to stand out.

“Good luck,” Ash says, helping you leave without being noticed by your parents. Your parents knew you were leaving but you didn’t want to go through 20 questions with them.

“Thank,” You smile at him before getting into your moms car and driving to the movies. You instantly found Gen. It was like there was this magnet on her that drew you to her. “You look amazing,” You compliment. She wasn’t wearing anything too fancy but it hugged her hips.

“Thank you,” She says before inspecting your new jacket. You did a spin causing her to grin even wider. “Adorable,” She says kissing your cheek causing you to blush. She links your arms and pulls you to the ticket booth with a little hop in her step. There you insisted, and won, on buying the ticket. She ended up buying the popcorn before the two of you took your seats.

Throughout the movie the both of you shared small, yet intimate, touches. You would hold hands or rest your hand on her thigh. Eventually you wrapped an arm around her. The touches only got worse when the movie was over and you drove her home. Her mother had dropped her off allowing you the opportunity to spend more time with her.

“Hey, Y/n?” Gen asks, glancing at you as you drive down the road. You hum sparing her a glance. “What happened junior year?” She asks.

“Can you be a little more specific?” You ask, with a small laugh. “Junior year was a long year,”

“Ash said something to Andrew about not wanting a repeat of Junior year... Remember?” Gen asks, your mind goes back to when you first noticed Gen. Gen and you have been in the same school for years but you didn’t truly notice her until she presented. When she did present she ended up being an omega. There’s only 7 omega’s in the school and of course she had caught Andrew’s attention.

“Junior year Ash, Andrew, and I were still pretty new at the whole alpha thing. We’re still not perfect but junior year our emotions and instincts were all over the place. At that time Ash and I weren’t talking. We were fighting constantly and it just wasn’t a good time for us.” You begin to explain to her. “Being an alpha our natural instinct is to be the alpha. It’s an instinct my father did everything he could to amplify,”

“Why?” Gen asks frowning her eyebrows. You let out a low sigh.

“My father expects Ash and I to be the top alpha in everything we do. One of the problems with that is that feeding into our newly heightened instincts with other alpha’s under the same roof only causes disruption and chaos. The three of us were constantly at each others throats and when we went to school Ash and I were still going at it but we were also going at Andrew as well,” Gen slowly nods not completely understanding but wanting to hear the rest of it. “One day Andrew and I came to blows. I think we were fighting over something like he had sat in my seat at the cafeteria.” You said not completely sure if that was true but it was close enough. “Anyways, Andrew is stronger and a better fighter, I didn’t really have a chance but I gave it my all. Ash saw what was happening and he jumped into the fight. The two of us could just tell what the other was about to do and we worked together fluently. Kicked Andrew’s ass,” You smirk a bit. “We not only asserted our dominance as head alpha’s in the high school but it’s the first time Ash and I started to mend our relationship and work together,”

“So, now you and Ash are ok?” Gen asks. “You two seem to get along great,”

“Yeah, it took us a while to get to where we are now but now it’s just natural,” You shrug. “It’s like I have this sixth sense when it comes to Ash and him to me. Sure we have our competitive streaks but it’s all good natured,” Gen smiles at you and you glance at her. “Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?” You ask.

“Maybe once or twice,” Gen smiles widely. You smirk pulling into her driveway.

“I had a really great-” You said, turning your head towards her. The instant you looked at her, her lips were on yours. The two of you had yet to get out of the car and had to lean over the middle console. 

Her lips were soft compared to your chapped ones. Her sweet scent seemed even more intense while kissing her. You wondered how she could get any more perfect. 

“I had a great time too,” Gen whispers pulling back. “And you look just as beautiful,” She winks at you.

You didn’t care what you had to do, you had to keep her. You’d known her a little less than four months yet you were completely smitten. You were in this for the long haul.

Caught

“Hi Gen!” Naomi shouts, when you and Gen enter the house. Gen barely greets her back before your little sister darts into the next room.

“Omi! Get back here, you little shit!” You other little sister, Haley, practically screams as she races after the youngest.

“Come on,” You place an innocent hand on Gen’s back. You gently push her towards your room. The two of you have been together for a couple of months and have successfully kept it from your parents and younger siblings. Honestly, if Naomi wasn’t so gullible, you would have been found out by now.

“Are your parents home?” Gen asks, you shake your head.

“No, probably won’t be for a while,” You tell her. You shut the bedroom door behind you.

“Good,” Gen smiles turning to you. You match her grin and pull her close. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you,” 

“No ones stopping you,” You whisper leaning down to connect your lips to hers. Gen cups the back of your neck and presses her hand against you chest as she leans into you. You tighten your grip around her waist. “You smell so good,” You whisper burying your head in her neck.

“Come on, we have to get started on this project,” Gen reminds you. You whine refusing to let her go. Gen laughs quietly and doesn’t attempt to leave your snug embrace.

“We can start tomorrow,” You whisper.

“Oh, no, we’re not procrastinating on this,” Gen says wiggling away from you causing you to pout. “Let’s get this started and then we can cuddle,”

“You drive a hard bargain,” You wink at her. Gen rolls her eyes and sits on your bed. You smirk and move in behind her. “Are you sure we can’t start a little later?” You ask, brushing all of her hair to one side. “Surely, we’re smart enough to get it done in a little bit,” Gen tilts her head a bit as your lips lightly press against her skin. “You’re certainly smart enough. You’re a junior in a senior science class,”

“It’s not that impressive,” Gen whispers. “There’s plenty of juniors in senior classes,”

“I’m lucky to be in the 12th grade, it’s impressive,” You tell her. “You’re so smart,” You praise. “So beautiful, kind and funny.. So talented,” Your lips travel up her neck as you hand gently grabs her chin. “So mine,” 

“Alpha,” Gen whines causing you to growl and press your lips to hers. She falls back on the bed and you shift follow after her. Your entire focus was on her that you didn’t even notice your father coming to your room to talk to you.

“Y/n-” He barely gets your name out when he opens your door. Your head pulls away from Gen’s quickly and snaps towards him. Both you and Gen tense. You father looks at you in shock but the shock quickly turns into anger. “What in the damn hell is going on here?!” He shouts. 

You and Gen jump off the bed. Your protective instincts kick in and you stand in front of her. She grips the back of your shirt. Her distress only amplifies your protectiveness. 

“I can explain-” You try to say but your father isn’t in a listening mood. You watch as his face begins to glow red and his eyes narrow.

“The fuck were you doing with her?!” Cyrus, your father, shouts. You knew that if you tried to lie it would only be worse. You had to come clean.

“I was kissing her... my girlfriend,” You add, quietly. A deep, threatening growl leaves his chest. Your hand reaches back to rest against Gen. The movement was not only to reassure you that she was behind you but an attempt to calm you down. Gen always had a calming affect on you but with your father radiating threatening vibes being calm is the last thing on your mind.

“Girlfriend?!” He shouts marching up to you. You growl back trying to warn him to stay back.

“Yes, girlfriend!” You shout back not liking being threatened. “She’s my girlfriend, my omega!”

“She’s a girl! She cannot be your omega!”

“She is,” You tell him clenching your fists. “I know she’s my omega, my true mate.” You state with absolute certainty. You knew that same sex true mates aren’t nonexistent but they certainly weren’t heard of.

“A female alpha is never mated to an omega female! It doesn’t work!” 

“It does. We work.” You insist. “She’s my girlfriend and I’m not letting her go,”

“Oh, yes you are. No daughter of mine will ever be with another girl! You’re an alpha, you need to be with a beta or male omega.”

At this point your family is gathering in the doorway. Your two little sisters were poking their heads in but mainly hiding behind the wall in the hallway. Your father took intimidation and scary to a whole new level when he’s angry. Even your mother was using the wall as a hiding spot. Your brother, however, was standing in the center of the doorway ready to help defend you and Gen if need be.

“Fuck who you think I’m supposed to be with,” You spit. “I want to be with Gen and she wants to be with me,” You growled. “And I’m not going to let you get in between us,”

“Y/n!” Gen shouts when your father grabs you shirt, rips you away from Gen and pins you against the wall. You growl slamming your head into his and manage to shove him away. He doesn’t go far but far enough for you to duck away and move from the wall.

“Alright, let’s just calm down!” Ash shouts getting between you and your father.

“Step down,” Cyrus, demands staring you twin brother down. Ash glares back fighting against the urge to move away. “I said, step down,” Cyrus snapped grabbing the back of Ash’s neck and tossing him to the side.

“Hey!” You shout shoving him away from your brother. 

However, tossing him from Ash made Cyrus get closer to Gen which you didn’t like. You held your hand out and Gen instantly comes to your side. Her fingers intertwine with yours. Her arm hugs your arm while she steps a bit behind you.

“I love Gen,” You tell him as he regains his stability. “I’m going to stay with her for as long as she’ll have me. There’s nothing you can do,” 

Cyrus steps toward you and lashes out. Gen whimpers holding you tightly as a stinging pain comes to your cheek. Before he could do anything else Gen is moving in front of you. She’s trembling despite the strong look she tries to display. Your heart swells at her trying to protect you but you didn’t want your father hurting her either.

“I won’t let you hurt her,” Gen whispers, pressing her back into your chest wanting to stay as far away from him but wanting to protect you as well. Cyrus is obviously taken back by Gen. Omega’s aren’t normally the ones protecting the alpha. In his eyes it’s just another disgraceful act while it only makes you fall more in love with her.

“You either get rid of Gen or you leave,” He tells you. Your heart drops. You knew he would be made but you never expected him to give you this ultimatum. You didn’t want to make the choice despite already know what you would choose.

“Dad, please,” You whisper moving back in front of Gen. “I love her and I love this family, please don’t make me choose,” You beg him. “I’m still your daughter, loving Gen doesn’t change that,”

“This is not how I raised you. This is not how an alpha is supposed to act.” Cyrus tells you. “This is unacceptable and I will not have you disgracing this family. Get rid of Gen or move out,” Cyrus says. He stands there for a moment before pushing past you and into the hall.

“Baby,” Gen whispers, moving in front of you. Your zoned out eyes focus on her. “I don’t want to get in between you and your family-”

“You are my family,” You whisper. “You’re my omega, I know you are,” You say confidently. “Am I your alpha?” You ask, trepidatiously. 

“Yes, you are,” Gen nods, caressing your cheek. Her eyes soften as she looks at your reddened cheek. “I just want you to be happy... I don’t want to take you from them,” She nods towards your brother, sisters and mother.

“I’ll talk to him, ok?” Molly, your mother, speaks up, coming up to you. You stare into Gen’s eyes for a moment before turning to her. “You are not disowned and you do not have to leave Gen,” Molly gives your girlfriend a smile.

“I don’t think I can stay here mom,” You tell her. “Even if you do talk him down, things are only going to keep getting worse. Him and Ash are already to a boiling point, this is only going to push all of us over the edge. I’m not staying,”

“I don’t know how I’m going to be able to stay either,” Ash growls.

“There’s only a couple more months, just avoid him,” You advice him.

“Easier said than done,” Ash grumbles still seething at the fact that Cyrus had attacked you, again.

“I’ll keep him from you, just don’t leave yet,” Molly pleads hating the fact that her mate is chasing her children away. Ash’s face softens slightly towards his mother. He sighs but nods agreeing to stay just a little longer for her sake. “Where will you go?” Molly asks, wanting to make sure you went somewhere safe.

“She can come with me,” Gen says. You open your mouth to object but she doesn’t let you. “My mother adores you, so do my siblings. They’d love to have you around,” Knowing you needed somewhere to go, you agree.

“I love you,” Molly whispers, hugging you when you made your decision. “I’ll talk to your father, you and Gen are always welcome here,” She promises.

Claiming

“Happy birthday, baby,” Gen whispers waking you up with her light kisses. You smile snuggling into her chest. She grins holding your larger figure the best she could.

“Skip school,” You mumble. “Spend the day with me,” Gen smiles kissing the top of your head.

You and Gen have been together for over a year. You’ve graduated high school while Gen is halfway through her senior year. The two of you lived in Gen’s mother’s home. You’ve lived there since your father kicked you out.

Your mother stayed true to her word and talked to him. It took him months to even talk to you and even longer to invite you back. You never accepted his offer. The two of you had a very tense relationship and you didn’t want to go back to living under his roof with his rules.

The second you and Ash graduated, Ash moved out. He moved out of the house and out of the state. You still talk daily but you hadn’t seen him in a little bit. However, you felt happy knowing that he’s happy and much more relaxed.

While you would rather move out of this small town you were happy to be with Gen. Her mother and siblings absolutely adored you. Her two brothers were beta’s while her sister and mother were omega’s. 

Having you, an alpha, around brought a sense of peace to the household. Your presence comforted the other omega’s. They felt more relaxed, more secure with you around than before you moved in. It didn’t matter that you were only romantically involved with Gen, you were still an alpha and they were still omega’s. Your presence comforted them in a way beta’s, like the brothers, couldn’t quite understand.

It took a while to gain the brother’s trusts but when they realized how much weight lifted off of their mother’s shoulders with your company and how you protective you were of the sister’s you quickly gained their approval.

At your family home you were constantly fighting to be alpha. Here, however, you quickly earned the position of alpha when you gained their trust. Gen’s mother still mothered her children but you looked after Gen’s sister and helped pay the bills while making sure the other alpha’s left the family alone.

“You, Y/n Y/l/n, are a very bad influence,” Gen whispers causing you to smirk.

“You love it,” You breathed against her neck. Gen shivers feeling your hot breath against her cool skin making you grin even wider.

“I love you,” She whispers. You lift your head and look at her through hooded eyes.

“I love you too,” You whisper puckering your lips. She giggles.

“Lazy,” She whispers, connecting your lips. “We need to brush our teeth,” She murmurs against your lips.

“We can be nasty together,” You whisper pushing her onto her back. Gen relaxes under you as your lips reconnect. Her moans encourage you to kiss her deeper.

“I want to be yours,” Gen whispers, you kiss down her neck towards her chest.

“You are mine,” You say. “Just as I’m yours,” 

“Y/n,” She whispers. You lips gently pepper kisses down her chest. “Y/n,” She says sternly.

“Yes, baby?” You lift your head pinching your eyebrows at the serious look on her face.

“I want to be yours,” She stresses. It takes a moment for her words to sink in.

“Mine?” You asks and she nods biting her lip. You lean over her and press your forehead against hers. “You sure, baby? There’s no going back, no getting rid of me,” You remind her. Gen smiles gently caressing the side of your face.

She knew that ever since your father completely turned his back to you that you had developed a fear of abandonment, a fear of people pretending to want you only to change their minds. You didn’t want to trap Gen with you. You worried that down the road she wouldn’t want you and if you claimed her she wouldn’t be able to leave causing her to be unhappy. It’s the main reason you hadn’t claimed her yet.

“I love you. I want you, no one else. Please, alpha,” You eyes darken and a low growl comes from your chest. She begins to whine amplifying her scent. Your head ducks down to her neck. You breath in her sweet smell. “Please, mark me, Alpha. Please,” She begs slowly breaking your resolve. “I want to be yours, completely and forever. I don’t want no one else,” You could sense her desperation begin to rise.

“Shh, omega, I’ve got you,” You whisper, trying to soothe her. “I’ll mark you, I’ll make you mine forever,” Gen smiles, slowly relaxing. “Only if you mark me, as well,” Gen’s eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” She whispers, you nod pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“100%... If you’re going to be mine and bare my mark, I want to be yours with your mark,” Gen slowly grins and nods.

“Ok,” She whispers. You grin and press your lips to hers.

“You’re perfect, Genevieve,” You whisper, moving your lips back to her neck. “Everything I could ever want,” Gen smiles, pulling your shirt over your head.

“Alpha, please, I need you,” She whines, clawing at your back.

“I’m right here, ‘mega... I’m right here,” You whisper, soothingly.

“Mark me, please,” She begs.

“Patience,” You whispers, a smirk on your lips. Your hands unclothe her before your eyes memorize every inch of her body. You couldn’t believe the woman in underneath you is going to be yours forever. Gen smiles, a light blush on her cheeks and her teeth chewing her lower lip.

“Alpha,” She whines, pulling you close. “Please,” You gently begin peppering her neck. You can feel her heartrate skyrocketing and her breathing escalate. 

“You’re gonna be all mine, baby girl,” You whisper nipping at her neck.

“Please,” She whimpers pressing her neck against your lips. She gasps, your teeth dig into her neck. “Alpha,” She cries.

“All mine,”

@akshi8278​

[megumis-lashes]

Love Bites

Vampire! Han Jisung x Reader Part 2

**Contains**: mentions of blood/blood drinking, parental abuse, bullying, fighting, slight swearing, emotional abuse, friends to lovers, werewolf Hyunjin, western high school standards, female reader

Flashback =

> Hello

Spending the weekend with Jisung was awkward to say the least. I knew it was in no way his fault. It was mine. I hadn’t had ‘friends’ in years and practically forgot how to act around other people. Thankfully his bubbly personality seemed to make up for everything I lacked. Following the weekend I knew I had to attend school. As much as I hated it, I knew that skipping would only spell more disaster for me in the future. I arrived to school with Jisung, looking somewhat put together despite my rough situation.

I never knew how knowing and interacting with certain people could gain. So. Much. Attention. I forgot just how popular Jisung really was. He wasn’t the most popular, but the majority of students could easily recognize him in a croud. Much to my dismay, people began to spread rumors about the situation. The biggest one was in regard to why I arrived with someone like him, or even talked to him for that matter. We had never talked outside of school before this. This reminded me of a similar situation. My parents being the way they are had signed me up for the school tutor program. Much to my dismay I had been assigned the school’s pretty boy, Hwang Hyunjin,as my student. Despite his constant attempts at becoming my friend, Hyunjin and I’s relationship was purely professional. I helped him out on school work and I would get more points for college. This didn’t stop the rumors though. Many jealous ‘fangirls’ spread rumors about us dating, which I didn’t appreciate. I would constantly get hate notes delivered to my locker.

I quickly dismissed Jisung and began my day. Today was pretty standard. I had two quizzes and some homework due, but nothing too bad. The only thing that scared me was what my lunch schedule held. Hyunjin had a huge unit test in chemistry today and he requested my help during lunch period. I hadn’t really given him an answer, but he said that if I showed up he could pay me. Right now I really needed the money so I was willing to accept a few more hate notes than usual. After my morning classes I showed up to lunch and sat by Hyunjin’s group of friends, surprising them in the process.

“Wow Hyunjin is this your girlfriend? I’ve seen you with her before.” One of the boys questioned. I think his name was Felix.

“No, no this is my tutor, name. She’s here to help me study for my chemistry unit test, I’m just surprised she showed up is all.” He chided as he rubbed his neck nervously. I could tell he was in no way ready for this test.

“Don’t worry the study session should be quick. I’ll make sure you’re prepared before the end of lunch. You should still have some time.” I explained as I shuffled through my backpack. I handed Hyunjin a small study guide I prepared for him.

“Here’s something I threw together. Read that over and tell me what you don’t understand. I’ll be over there when you’re done.” I smiled subtly as I walked over to the next table. Despite his popularity he was still a normal teenager.

As I had expected, helping Hyunjin during lunch drew some attention to me, especially from the ‘popular girls’ or whatever they like to be called. I never really minded their existence, but I could always feel their eyes burning into me whenever I hung around their ‘love interest’. Before lunch ended collected my payment from Hyunjin and went to use the restroom. I was fixing my hair in the mirror when those girls walked in.

“Oh if it isn’t name! That’s funny we were just looking to talk to you!” I sighed in annoyance. I was in no mood to talk with them for whatever reason. I never had many interactions with them, but they still managed to put me on edge. Their small group consisted of two juniors and one sophomore. Their leader ‘Mia’ was a relatively tall girl with long black hair who typically wore bright red lipstick. She was by far the worst out of them. Along with her was her close friend, Jiuen. She had bleach blond hair that she often styled in curls. The last girl was rather mysterious. I honestly couldn’t remember her name. She wasn’t one to stand out in a crowd and I don’t think she was a part of the group by choice. She had dark brown hair, styled in pig tails, and wore chunky blue glasses.

“Did you need something?” I sighed. I would have to leave for class soon.

“Ah yes!” Mia answered. “We’re here to make a deal with you!” I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.

“What about?” I questioned

“So you see you’ve been hanging out with some popular people lately, and I guess you could say that I’m a bit jealous.” She giggled. “I hate to be that person but could you do me a favor and leave them alone? I need all the chances I can get in getting a boyfriend!” She explained.

I sighed. “Are you serious? If you’re talking about Hyunjin there’s nothing going on between us at all. Same with Jisung. We’re simply acquaintances who help each other out from time to time. I don’t see how it’s a problem.”

“Well I’m afraid that’s not convincing me. There’s no way I know anything about your relationships so you could be lying for all I know. I simply cannot trust your word on this!” She huffed. I rubbed my temples in annoyance.

“Look I swear I’m telling the truth. What would I even gain from lying? Plus there’s no way I can fully avoid Hyunjin as I am his assigned tutor.”

“Just request a change in students it’s not that difficult. I don’t see why you can’t just help me out this one time.” She groaned dramatically.

“Well what’s in it for me? You’re practically rewriting my life for your benefit only. I’m sorry but I’m not changing my entire schedule just so you can have a better ‘chance’!” I was getting sick of this conversation. I wanted to leave.

“Fine then you leave me no choice! I can easily destroy you.” She snickered.

“What do you mean?” She was making me anxious. She barely tried to convince me and she’s already pulling out her greatest asset?

“Well if you somehow managed to forget, I am the principals daughter. I could easily pull some strings. Maybe I could say you cheated! Yeah that’s a great idea! All the grades you worked so hard on would turn to dust! Then you’d be suspended for breaking school law! Oh and I’m sure your parents wouldn’t be so happy about that now would they?” She chuckled as she pulled out her phone.

“You can’t be serious Mia. This isn’t that deep.” I tried to stop myself from shaking.

“Oh I’m serious! It only takes a press of my finger to ruin you! If I send a report to my dad about you cheating, I know he’d believe me! You’re best option is to just agree to my conditions! There’s no way your parents would be happy with you being expelled!”

I was on the verge of tears. There was nothing I could do in this situation. She was right. There was no way I would be let of the hook for being expelled. This combined with all the stress I had been feeling in the past week led me closer and closer to breaking.

“Fine.” I stammered “You win. I won’t talk to either of them and I’ll ask to tutor someone else. Just please don’t mess with my grades. You know how much they mean to me.” I pleaded.

She giggled. “Finally you gave in! Alright then that’s a deal! I won’t ruin you, or at least not until later!” She exclaimed. I gritted my teeth, still trying to keep my composure.

“Come on girls let’s go!” She led the girls from the bathroom. Upon leaving she slammed into my shoulder, effectively pushing me into the wall. That hurt like hell.

“Haha so sorry! I must’ve not see you there!” She chuckled again and walked away with her group.

I cringed in pain as I felt the warm tears I had worked hard to withhold cascade down my cheeks. Wasn’t this an eventful week.

For the rest of the day I made it my duty to avoid the two boys at all costs. I could in no way afford that level of failure going on my record. I would be doomed for all eternity. Avoiding them wasn’t too difficult during classes. I was in much higher classes than Hyunjin and only shared a few classes with Jisung. Thankfully I had all my shared classes in the morning. At the end of the school day, I requested a new student to tutor. I claimed our timing didn’t work out and left a small note to Hyunjin explaining it was for personal reasons. I continued through my day as unaffected as I possibly could act. I attended volleyball practice until 6, then took a different route back to Jisung’s house in hopes of avoiding him completely. I managed to sneak in through his back door (AN: no pun intended) since he had given me a key. I only saw him once that night for a brief moment. He questioned why he didn’t see me and I explained that I had volleyball and homework to do. I also warned him that he probably wouldn’t see me much after school so that he wouldn’t worry. The next morning I left before he woke up.

Over the course of the next few weeks I was successful in avoiding both Hyunjin and Jisung. Jisung did seem a little suspicious of seeing me extremely rarely, but he didn’t push his questions since I helped with chores and even payed him a portion of the money Hyunjin had given me. Hyunjin on the other hand was extremely bothered over my sudden change in schedule. He would constantly try to approach me at lunch or during class and as much as it pained me, I would force myself to ignore him or walk away giving him some dumb excuse. I knew he didn’t believe anything I said. The most persistent thing he did was leave me letters. I read the letters but I never replied. He would often describe his day and somehow always end up on the topic of tutoring. He explained how he was assigned a new tutor, except it was a girl that was a year under him. Despite how advanced she was in classes, she knew little of the junior material and was even more confused than Hyunjin. With his constant begging for me to come back I constantly felt terrible about my decision. As much as I appreciated his efforts at keeping in contact with me, there was one small issue. He. Was. Extremely. Obvious. Practically the entire school knew he left envelopes in my locker, many of them believed the notes to be love letters.

Today was no different. I was returning to my locker at the end of the school day only to find another note. Upon first look it was easy to understand why people thought the notes to be out of love. Hyunjin wasn’t exactly great at portraying his emotions and could be rather dense at times. He used a baby pink envelope and decorative stationary that I could only assume belonged to a female in his family. In today’s note he described how desperate he was to have me as a tutor again. His current tutor recently passed out from what Hyunjin had described as ‘confusion’ and had been too embarrassed to show up to tutor sessions the past couple sessions. When Hyunjin attempted to ask for a new tutor, the teachers refused as he had changed tutors once that month already. I chuckled. I could tell he was panicking while he wrote the letter. His messy handwriting was a stark contrast to the beautiful card. He could be dense at times but I knew he was a smart kid, he could manage without me for a while. What I failed to notice at the time were the burning stares drilling into my back.

“Hi name! It’s a nice day today isn’t it! You wouldn’t mind going on a small walk with us would you?” My small smile quickly faded. That voice, I could recognize it anywhere. It was Mia and by the overly ‘happy’ tone of her voice I could tell she wasn’t too happy with me. As much as my gut pleaded me not to follow her I couldn’t risk anything.

“Sure.” I murmured. I quickly finished packing my backpack and shut my locker, following the three girls. The girls stopped at a small shady spot at the back of the school. They weren’t lying it was nice out. It was a clear fall day, the sun shining beautifully in the sky. Despite all this I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it. I was scared shitless of what they were going to say. Mia quickly faced me.

“So what do you have to say for yourself? Liar.” I creased my brows in confusion.

“What do you mean? I haven’t broken our agreement?” I really hoped they withheld their part of the deal.

“Well name you aren’t very subtle. I thought with how smart you are you would know better!” She scoffed.

“I’m still confused as to what to what you mean?” I was seriously starting to panic at this point.

“Just give up already. You don’t have to play dumb for me anymore. I know you broke our agreement. Your little relationship with Hyunjin is pretty obvious if you ask me. Sure you may have stopped tutoring him but I see how he leaves letters for you. You read every single one and you even chuckled while reading today’s ‘love letter’. You’re not a sly as you think!” She exclaimed. I knew she was mad now.

“No, no, no you’ve got it all wrong! I’m in no secret relationship with Hyunjin and I never reply to his letters! He’s just struggling in class and wants me to tutor him again but I’ve told him I can’t-“ Time seemed to freeze at that moment. What woke me from my trance was a sharp pain to my left cheek.

She slapped me.

I was frozen out of pure shock. As I blinked out of it I could feel warm drops of blood stream from a small cut on my check. I definitely didn’t expect her to get physical.

“That’s what you deserve you deserve you bitch! How dare you! I went easy on you! I made an agreement and you just had to ruin everything! That’s it! Two can play at this little game of yours! By Friday I’ll make sure to ruin you and make sure the whole school hears your embarrassing little sob story as well!” She screamed as I collapsed to the ground. My shaking legs had finally given out a look of shock still painted on my face. She began to walk away. I stumbled forwards towards her.

“Wait! No! No! No! You can’t do this to me! What did I ever do to you! I never did anything-“ She cut me off by yanking my hair. I sobbed out of fear and despair.

“Shut up. YOU ruined my chances. YOU broke the deal! Think of this as ALL. YOUR. FAULT!” She finished her argument by slamming her hand bag in my face. I cringed in pain as the metal clasps made contact with my skin. That was sure to bruise later. Following their leaders departure, Jiuen walked over to my slumped form. She shuffled in her bag and pulled out a small carton of milk. She quickly tore open the carton and dumped it over my head. I sobbed and coughed in disgust. The third girl did absolutely nothing besides stand there and look down at me in pity. She quickly ran after the other girls.

“Why me?”

I sat there for what felt like hours but was probably along the lines of 15 minutes. I felt disgusting to say the least. I had never wanted to shower this much in my life. I took of my bag, thankful it was still clean, and began to dig around. I quickly found an old gym shirt and used that to somewhat clean my face.

The walk home was humiliating. I could feel the stares of students and teachers alike burn into my back. I kept my head low. The walk itself felt like torture. I was exhausted, both mentally, emotionally and physically. I was also still in pain. I could feel blood ooze from the cuts on my face and the bruises begin to form. I’d probably have to buy some concealer to hide the bruising. Upon arriving to the house I quickly stumbled inside. Once I reached the living room I realized my mistake. Jisung was home and was staring right at me.

“What the fuck happened to you?” He questioned almost flying off the sofa. He must’ve been playing games before my arrival.

“Oh, uhh nothing really. I just uhh... tripped is all. Don’t worry I’ll go take care of it.” I knew it was probably the worst excuse of the decade but I really didn’t have the energy to make a better one.

“Bullshit! You have bruises and scratches almost exclusively on your face! Plus I can tell you’ve been avoiding me!” He exclaimed as he approached me “Name you don’t have to act strong all the time. I can tell you’re not ok. Please tell me what happened... if you can.”

It didn’t take another word from Jisung for me to breakdown in a mess of tears. It was about time. The amount of stress I had been experiencing was extremely unhealthy. Combined with the fact that I wasn’t allowed to express emotions at home, the pressure was too much.

“I-I got into a f-fight.” I sobbed. “I really don’t know what I did wrong! They had to blackm-mail me for what? Having friends?” I buried my head in my hands. I was broken. “They got mad at me for being by you and Hyunjin! They, they threatened to ruin me! All my hard work! My hours of unhealthy studies! All to make my parents happy! But they just had to destroy it all out of spite!” I coughed as I felt the salty tears slip onto my lips. My sobs were cut off when I felt strong arms wrap around my middle.Jisung had hugged me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had given me a hug. As happy as I should of been, the physical contact simply made me sob harder.

“Slow down, slow down! I know you’re upset and I’m here for you! Just go at your own pace. I’m not gonna go anywhere until you’re done.” He patted my back. I tried to calm my breathing and began to explain. Explain everything, from when I had been kicked out to when the girls had first blackmailed me to when they attacked me for Hyunjin’s notes. It was exhausting to just remember those events. Then I explained everything about my parents. How difficult they were. Nothing mattered besides numbers and results.

“They could care less about my existence as a person, or their daughter. “ I explained. We were now seated on his large sofa, his hand holding mine out of comfort. The whole time I explained my situation I could tell he was listening. He started at me attentively with a kind look in his eyes.

“I never knew we were so similar.” He chuckled as he scratched his neck.

“What do you mean.” I questioned, drying the tears from my face.

“The whole parent thing I mean. My parents are incredibly hard on me as well. I’m the next in blood line per say, and because of my familial ranking I take an important family position once my parents die. They aren’t necessarily that focused on grades like your parents are but they care a lot about field performance. That doesn’t mean I can slack in school though.” He sighed. “Other than that they barely pay any attention to me. They let me figure out everything on my own. By the age of 12 I practically lived alone. I’ve been an adult for almost the entirety of what should’ve been my childhood.” He sighed. “Anyway thank you for explaining it to me I know it’s been difficult for you. As much as you dislike them, let’s make a deal.”

“About what?” I blinked myself awake. I was starting to get really tired.

“No more secrets. Don’t keep this sorta stuff to yourself from now on ok? It does more harm than good. I’m always here to listen!” He smiled. I could feel my checks warm at his smile. It was cute.

“Alright then.” I smiled bashfully. “Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise!” He confirmed, quickly wrapping his pinky around mine.

“Now I hate to be rude but you should really take a shower.” He scratched his neck as he chuckled.

“Hey! I went through a lot today!” I chided

“I know, I know. How about you go shower and then we can watch a movie! Maybe it’ll help you feel better!”

“Actually... that sounds really nice. But what about my homework? And my grades?” I completely forgot that school existed.

“Ahh don’t worry about it! I’ll do your homework for you when you shower! I already did mine so it’s fine! About your grades, just leave it to me! I’ll talk to them tomorrow ok!” He exclaimed.

“Are you sure?” I questioned. I’d feel guilty if he did all that for me.

“I’m sure! Now go!”

I started to walk to my room to go shower when I stopped.

“Hey Jisung?”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Thank you.”

I smiled. My first true smile in a while.

[cheseyre]

good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all. 

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo 

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo 

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS  BEEN SO  LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.  I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀 

Okay, okay. 

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle. 

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this. 

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man. 

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon. 

There is no in between 

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

Like

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking  destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay. 

Okay. 

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video. 

Like

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader. 

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals 

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww 

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose? 

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020​ you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ‘assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so. 

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well. 

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

[pink-bird-30]

“All good things must come to an end”

I knew since last year that I would have to sit here, staring at my computer screen, and say goodbye to a part of my life.  Emotions are already high since the crossover, some for happy reasons, but for us Arrow fans, we’ve been robbed of a hero.

From the deep depths of the North china sea, a man survived five years of hell to make his way home.  His goal was to start a mission to correct the wrongs of his father, at least, that’s how it all started.  But then it went on to be more than that, but to protect his home and the people he loves. Thus, creating an entire fracking universe.  

Our Universe.  

The Arrowverse.

It’s strange to grow an attachment to fictional characters, but we all do it.  We all get engrossed into a world that helps us escape from our own.  That’s what Arrow is, and will always be, for me.  When I was 16 I started watching Arrow after a natural disaster hit my hometown.  For those who have read my previous post from Felicity’s season 7 departure know what I’m talking about.  And if you don’t, well here’s the quick summary.  Back in October of 2012, a few days before Halloween, Hurricane Sandy came and caused complete destruction to the east coast of New York.  I live on Long Island, and at the time near water, and everything I knew was gone.  I was out of school for a month, I was displaced from my home, and it truly felt like the end of the world.

But then there was this show that changed my surroundings.  Whether it was Starling City, Lian Yu, the bunker, etc. I was no longer faced with the destruction surrounding me.  And for a Tv show to do that during such a tough time in my life…I’ll never forget that.

I always made sure to be prepared every Wednesday night at 8PM to sit down and live tweet Arrow.  I love the interaction between all of us and I think that’s what makes our fandom so powerful.  We created this universe with this show, without us, there wouldn’t be other shows like Arrow.  It lead to SO much more than any of us thought.

But tonight we say goodbye.

I don’t want to be sad about this but it’s difficult to write a sentiment without realizing the loss you’re about to gain.

Oliver Queen

Alias: Green Arrow

Thank you for everything you have done to make everyone else around you be better heroes.

John Diggle

Alias: Spartan/Green Arrow/Green Lantern(Oh we know you a Lantern Corps bro)

Thank you for being the big brother everyone needed when things got tough.

Felicity Smoak

Alias: Overwatch/ Mama Smoak 2.0

Thank you for being the smartest person in the room and brining the light we needed.

Dinah Laurel Lance

Alias: Black Canary/ Black Siren

Thank you for being an example of redemption.

Thea Queen

Alias: Speedy

Thank you for giving us the chance to see a young person take responsibility and change their life.

Roy Harper

Alias: Arsenal/Red Arrow

Thank you for showing that people can come from a troubled past and still making something great of their life.

Dinah Drake

Alias: Black Canary

Thank you for being sooooo badass and living up to the Canary name.

Rene Ramirez

Alias: Wild Dog

Thank you for living outside the stereotypes of being a Hispanic man. (Seeing representation on tv is important and us Latinos and Hispanics aren’t seen enough without the pretense of being thugs or ghetto in a setting.  Even living in a run-down apartment)

Curtis Holt

Alias: Mr. Terrific

Thank you for always being happy, even in the darkest moments.

Quentin Lance

Alias: Detective

Thank you for protecting our boy and giving him a chance to have a father.

I could keep going but I know it’s not goodbye completely.  To Team Arrow 2040, I hope to see you on Green Arrow and The Canaries (please be picked up, I need to know if William is okay!)

Lastly, thank you all on Tumblr and Twitter.  We created this family that I will always cherish.  And I vow to promise to keep reading all your Olicity fics, I promise to keep up with the re-watch schedules, and I promise to remember this show forever.

Thank you, Arrow.

Thwick Thwick!

[kayteewritessteve]

If Only You Knew - 11/19

Description: You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him, and everything else that happened on that horrible night. Who would have knew that your prom would end up being a total disaster, and the very last night you’d spend in Buckhannon for the next 7 years? you certainly didn’t. That’s for sure.

Catch up HERE.

Word Count: 6,060 ish. She’s a big one.

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence. Drinking. Bad and offensive jokes. Possible triggering thoughts, feelings and emotions. Moments of bullying and harsh name calling. Lots of curse words. And a very sloooow burn.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

July 2018 - Present.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nat seethed as she paced an actual line into the soft, tan coloured sand. Her mood matching the bright red two piece she currently had on, “how dare she!”

“I’m going to knock her out,” Hilde said, much too calmly for your liking. She was currently laying on her back, on a giant blanket on the ground, wearing massive dark shades, and a white bikini that accented her skin tone almost too well. Girl was a babe for sure, but right now she looked far too peaceful to be threatening anyone. And yet she was, and that made you inwardly cringe, just a little.

“I think she needs actually mental help,” Wanda said without looking up from the novel open in her hands, as she sat in a fold up chair. “And I’d know. I am a therapist, after all.”

“Ladies,” you sighed, “she isn’t worth it. And she never actually said Steve’s name. I was the idiot who jumped to conclusions,” you said as you shook your head. You had clearly blown that whole interaction way out of proportion. Like always. Fuck.

“That’s no excuse,” Nat abruptly stopped her pacing, to point at you. “She did it on purpose to hurt you. Just like in fucking high school,” her fists balled up at her sides then she huffed and started to pace again.

“Seriously. The next time I see her, it’s game on,” Hilde said, again, far too calmly for your liking.

“I say we just have her committed for a check,” Wanda shrugged nonchalantly.

“Okay, no one is beating anyone up. We aren’t in high school anymore. And no psych evals,” you stated then stomped over to Nat and placed yourself in front of her, on part of the line she was quickly forming. And once she came to a grinding halt you grabbed both her shoulders to force her to look you in the eyes. “Nat, you are literally marrying a cop in 3 days. And gaining another cop as basically a damn brother in law. You can’t go around attacking people, you’ll end up in jail, and Bucky will be pissed at me for that!”

Then you released her shoulders and turned to point at Hilde, “and the same goes for you, your best friends are the same two cops, and you’re a trained MMA fighter for crying out loud. If you attack her you’ll be charged with ‘assault with a deadly weapon’. Because Hilde, you are the deadly weapon,” you stressed the last part.

Then you looked over at Wanda, who had finally looked up from her book, “I don’t actually know anything around the rules for being a therapist, but I am willing to bet that committing someone because they enjoy bullying your friend is against at least one of them. If not all of them,” you sighed and shook your head. “So the three of you just need to drop this. I fell for her bullshit, again, but that’s on me. I’ll own that. But I can’t have any of you taking the fall for it. You got that?” You shook your head again, this time crossing your arms as well, “I won’t allow that,” you said firmly.

“Fine,” Nat and Wanda mumbled, as the latter focused back on her book.

“Yeah. Got it,” Hilde nodded and waved you off.

“Good,” you smiled and dropped your arms, “now let’s enjoy this beautiful day at the lake, and just forget about Madeleine and her bullshit, okay?” You looked between the three. “We all need a nice relaxing day before the craziness of this wedding picks up again.”

“Valid point,” Nat said as she wandered over to the blanket and laid down beside Hilde. “Get your butt over here punk,” she commanded.

“Punk, really?” You laughed. “You spend way to much time with Bucky,” you shook your head then went and joined them on the blanket.

“No such thing as too much time together when you’re marrying the guy,” Nat laughed.

“Oh, no, there is totally a thing as too much time together,” Wanda laughed, “but oddly enough, I think you two are the exception to the norm.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Hilde said with a chuckle and you laughed as well. Then the four of you lounged in the sun, working on your tans and waiting on the boys to show up.

It was about 20 minutes later when a flirty voice came from somewhere near you all. “Ladies,” they cooed and you recognized the voice instantly. Sam. You peeked through your eyelids and turned your head towards the voice, seeing the four guys making their way towards you. “You’re all looking stunning, as always,” he said as they reached the three of you.

“Calm down, Casanova,” Nat said with a smirk as she sat up, and Wanda giggled at the name.

While Hilde just chuckled from her spot, “you’re such a suck up.”

“Hey!” he laughed, “I am not a suck up! I just say it like it is,” he winked, causing you to snort and shake your head, deciding to stay out of this one. Bucky plopped down on the blanket near his fiancee, while the other three popped open their folded up chairs and got all set up.

“You better not be hitting on my soon to be wife, Sammy,” Bucky said flatly then kissed Nat on the cheek.

“Why? Worried she’ll dump your ass and get with a real man?” He shot back.

Without missing a beat, Bucky relied, “Hey Sam, can I talk to you in the water for a second?” He paused as a half smirk appeared on his lips, “I just wanna show you something real quick.”

Clint leaned towards Sam to whisper—though it wasn’t really that quiet, as the whole group clearly heard him, “he means that he’s going to try to drowned you. Just so you know.”

“I know that,” Sam said quickly while he playfully swatted Clint away, “but I’d like to see him try.”

“Oh, I’d do more then try,” Bucky mumbled loudly.

Steve just laughed and shook his head at his friends, then everyone exchanged there hello’s and hi’s before they all started to settle in and chat amongst themselves.

You turned to look just as Steve reached behind himself so he could yank his extremely tight t-shirt off—Yes, in that super sexy way, where the guy grabs the back neck collar of their shirt and pulls it over their head. He was like a damn GQ model, and that frustrated the hell out of you.

You tried with everything in your power to not gawk at him, but the sight of him shirtless still made you extremely dazed and confused, even after all this time. You snuck a quick glance as the shirt covered his face, realizing that he was even more jacked than he was in high school. Which was fucking ridiculous. How he could possibly get any more toned was beyond you. It just wasn’t fair for one man to be this fucking attractive.

Just as he finished pulling his shirt off—the too small article of clothing surprisingly not getting stuck on him—you quickly shook your head then turned to stare off at the water. Hoping your heated cheeks wouldn’t give you away, or rather, that no one would notice them. But just to be safe you stood up, mumbling a ‘be right back’ than walked over to the edge of the water, sitting down to dip your feet in.

As you sat there, looking out at the lake, the calm water and beautiful bright green trees lining the waters edge made your mind start to wander. Remembering the first time you had ever been brought to this very spot. It was the second summer you’d spent in Buckhannon—if we’re counting the summer you’d moved to town as the first—it was also the first day of summer break, and the last day before Steve left for his annual, summer long, family vacation…

July 2010 - 8 years ago.

You stopped dead in your tracks once your eyes caught the view laid out in front of you. Your friends all continuing to walk to their spot, unfazed by the beauty that surrounded you all. Clearly they had been here so many times that they barely noticed anymore. But for you, this was a first.

Now you’d been to a few lakes before, back in Cleveland, or rather, one lake, one very giant lake; Lake Erie. Which was not only huge, but was also encircled by a few major cities and settled smack dab on the border between America and Canada.

So needless to say, the lake in front of you right now was entirely different from what you were used to. And there was just something about a small town watering hole that was both awe inspiring and breathtaking.

“You okay?” You heard Steve’s voice coming from beside you and it snapped you back to reality.

“Huh?” You looked over at him, “Yeah. Yes. Just admiring the view,” you smiled up at him then you looked back towards to lake, both of you standing in silence for a moment.

“You know,” he started, breaking the comfortable silence. “I’d completely forgotten just how beautiful this place is. Guess I just needed a new set of eyes to remind me,” he nodded, thoughtfully.

“I’m nothing if not super helpful,” you said with a quick nod. “You should know that by now, Stevie,” you smirked.

Which caused him to laugh and roll his eyes playfully as he said, “oh, don’t worry, I do.”

“Good,” you laughed then you both headed towards where your friends were setting up their stuff.

Once you had your little spot set up, you pulled off the dress you’d been wearing over your bathing suit, which was just simple, black, and fit you perfectly. You discarded the dress on top of your bag then laid down and chatted with your friends for a little while. It was a gorgeous day out, hot and humid, so you’d go dunk yourself in the beautiful water from time to time. Mostly alone but sometimes a friend or two would tag along for a dip in the water as well.

Now as you laid on your beach towel, working on your tan, your stomach decided it was a good time to speak up. Reminding you that it did, in fact, exist. The loud grumble made you and the others laugh, and you figured now was a good time for some french fries.

As you all had made your way in from the parking lot, you’d noticed a concession stand near the main beach. You’d also taken note of the giant menu on the side of the building—or rather, you’d noticed fries were very much on that menu. You stood up and slipped on your flip flops as you looked around at your lounging friends. “I’m gonna go get some fries from the concession, anyone want anything?”

Everyone responded with the one or two things they wanted or a head shake saying they were good. You made mental notes for the few items that had been requested.

But then your eyes landed on Bucky, noticing his were widened with excitement. “Food sounds like a fantastic plan,” he said as he stood up and walked over to his pile of things. “I can always eat,” he added as he pulled his wallet out and went to grab money to give you but you waved him off.

“It’s okay, Buck, I got it. Just tell me what you want.”

“You may want to give him a limit,” Steve laughed from his fold up chair.

“Yeah, don’t give him free reign or he’ll drain your bank account with that bottomless pit of his,” Sam shook his head and chuckled as he patted Bucky on the stomach. They’d always had a weird love/hate dynamic. They were downright rude to each other sometimes, but yet they both never got truly offended by any of it. And if anyone else messed with either of them, the other was always the first in line to defend them. You were all used to the banter now.

Bucky swatted Sam’s hand away, and playfully said, “get your grubby hands off me, bird boy.”

The nickname causing a few of you to laugh quietly or snort. Sam was in love with planes—or anything aerospace related, for that matter—and would always say, that if he could have any super power, it would be flight. No questions about it.

Most kids at this age have no clue what they want to be when they ‘grow up’. But Sam, oh he knew. He had wanted to be a pilot since he was a kid, and already had his private pilots license. And had flown a handfull of times on his own already. So as soon as high school was done, his plan was to go for his commercial license, then start applying at all the major airlines. He had it all worked out, and you were so happy for him, but also slightly jealous, as you had no clue what you wanted to be when you ‘grew up’. But knew you’d figure it out one day. Hopefully soon. But as for the nickname, Bucky had jokingly called Sam ‘bird boy’ once in passing, and it had just stuck.

A smile broke out on your face just as Bucky began to list off all the things he wanted. Which then caused your smile to drop, as you damn near fell over at just how long that list actually was. Luckily for you, Steve offered to help you carry everything back. And you ended up accepting Bucky’s offer to cover the cost, as Sam was right, he would have drained your whole back account. And then some. Guy was clearly a black hole, where food was concerned. You’d even go so far as to label him ‘The Human Garburator’.

But that’s neither here nor there, as now you and Steve were standing alone by the concession stand, waiting for the massive order, as you looked around at all the happy lake goers. Kids splashing in the water, teens sunbathing and laughing amongst themselves, adults trying to wrangle their little ones and bath them in sunscreen. The whole thing made you extremely aware that it was, in fact, summer. And that you’d have to say goodbye to your best friend for 2 whole months.

You’d been dreading this day for weeks, in these last few months he’d become such a huge part of your life. The biggest part if you were being honest, and the thought of not seeing him, talking to him or just having him hang out and watch a movie with you, was devastating, to say the least.

He was your rock, your therapist, your bodyguard, your best friend and the one person you truly felt you could just be you around. No walls. No effort. No faking—Well minus hiding your insanely huge crush, but that was a different matter entirely—You’d never had anyone like him in your life before, and you vowed months ago that you’d never let him go and you’d always have him. No matter what. He was that one constant that would always be there. And that thought is what would give you the strength to make it through these next two months without him.

You turned to look up at him, you’d both been standing there in silence, clearly he’d been lost in thought as well. The look on his face instantly confirmed your suspicions that he was, in fact, lost in his mind as he stared off blankly at the water, just like you’d been doing.

“I’m going to miss you,” you said softly.

That caught his attention and he turned his head to look down at you, “I’m going to miss you, too,” he nodded.

You could feel the tears stinging the back of your eyes from both your omissions. You hadn’t really allowed yourself to think too much about him leaving, as you knew you’d break down instantly. He must have noticed your internal struggle to hold back your tears as he turned his body towards you and his large arms encircled you, pulling you in close to his chest.

As your cheek met the bare skin of his pectoral muscle, your mind was instantly reminded that he was still very much shirtless, and you were now very much pressed into his skin. You felt the heat begin to raise, starting in your chest and working it’s way up. You chided yourself for having this reaction, but this was also the first time you’d ever hugged him shirtless and the softness of his skin, mixed with the firmness and heat caused the butterflies to take off in your stomach. No matter how hard you tried to not focus on all of that, your mind had other ideas.

Then he sweetly kissed the top of your head and it just made your mind run even more. He left his face pressed into your hair as he spoke quietly, “I’ve been dreading this day for weeks.”

You nodded as you weren’t sure if your voice would work or not. The lump in your throat and the stinging in your eyes both told you it probably wouldn’t. But when a soft sniffle sounded from your nose, Steve stiffened and pulled away from you just enough to look down at your face. You didn’t want him to see you like this, but he gently grabbed your cheek to force you to look up at him, locking your eyes with his beautiful blues.

“Hey, it’s okay, Y/N,” he said and then the eye contact was broken as his drifted over your features slowly while his thumb wiped away the stray tear you hadn’t been able to stop. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he added quietly, guilt clear in his voice.

You shook your head, and went to speak, you weren’t sure how your voice was going to sound, but you couldn’t allow him to feel bad for something he didn’t do. “You didn’t upset me at all. I’ve been dreading this day as well. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you around all the time,” you replied just as an idea came to mind, and you decided things were just getting far too heavy for your liking and at this rate you’d be a sobbing mess in no time. You placed a pondering finger to your chin, tapping it lightly, “now that I think about it, this may actually be a wonderful break.”

He playfully glared at you then scoffed, “oh, I see how it is.” He crossed his arms and pouted, “and here I thought we were actually friends,” he turned his head to look away from you.

You forced your features to stay neutral and serious, “well, clearly you thought wrong. I only keep you around for your directional skills.”

His head snapped back to stare at you. And you did everything in your power to hold it together. The look on his face was making that exceptionally difficult though, and you burst out laughing.

The mock hurt look on his face made you put your hands up in surrender, “okay, okay. That’s a total lie. That’s not the only reason.” You stifled your laugh, attempting to be serious again, “you’re also a fucking giant, so you’re super helpful when it comes to reaching things that are too high up for me. But I think those may be the only two reasons,” you pondered that for a moment then shrugged, “yup. Can’t think of any others.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “Oh, you’ll pay for that one, Y/L/N,” he said as he reached out and you attempted to get away but he was far too fast, he grabbed you then started to tickle you mercilessly. “Take it back,” he scolded as he continued. You squirmed and laughed as you tried desperately to get away but just as he was faster than you, he was also a lot stronger than you. “Had enough yet?”

You managed to get out a stern, “nope,” as you continued to try to get away. Everyone around you both was probably staring at you now, but you didn’t care one bit. You and Steve were always in your own little world and probably always had people giving you odd looks or watching as you both made fools of yourselves. But this was just how it was for the two of you.

“I’m not gonna stop until you take it back!” He threatened.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you squealed and wiggled around as the tickle attack continued. “Okay! Okay. I give. I give! I take it back!” You screamed between laughs, but before he could stop you went to pull away, one last time, with all your might.

However he clued in and pulled you right back towards him with force, causing your world to shift instantly. You screamed as you landed with a thud and it took you a second to realize you’d both fallen over, and you were now laying on top of him, on the ground.

Your eyes locked with his and you both just stayed frozen in place, no longer laughing but your heaving chests remained, as a reminder that you had been meer seconds ago. His arms were enclosed around you tightly as your hands laid firmly pressed to his chest. Neither speaking, both your hearts pounding and breathing heavily from the tickle war.

You felt his arms tighten even more around you, and something in his eyes started to pull you towards him, aggressively. You leaned down slowly, not breaking the eye contact once. Therefore not missing as his eyes widened more and more, with each inch closer that you got to him.

But just as you could feel his breath on your face, finding yourself maybe an inch away from him now, at most, you heard the concession stand worker call out your order number. You froze as the daze of the moment promptly lifted and you pulled away from Steve like he’d been a roaring fire.

“Oh god,” you whispered as you scrambled to climb off him and stand up. “I’m so sorry! I ah, I didn’t mean to,” you trailed off and shook your head as you took a shaky step back, trying to give him room so he could stand up. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

He just looked up at you for a moment then sighed deeply and stood up as well, dusting off his swim trunks once he was up. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “and no, you didn’t hurt me. I don’t think you could, even if you tried.” He attempted to laugh jokingly at that, but it fell short and ended up sounding way more awkward than anything. He shook his head and than his face went instantly serious as he moved towards you, “are you okay though?”

You took another step back, needing to distance yourself from him just a little. You’d almost kissed him in that moment and that would not have been good. At all. You had to get this stupid crush under control, and fucking stat! “Yep,” you said quickly, “I’m good. Let’s go get our food.” You abruptly turned around and headed for the concession to pick up your order. You heard him deeply sigh again from behind you, then he joined you at the counter. You both picked up all the food and started to head back towards your friends.

Neither one of you spoke the whole walk back, and for the first time ever, the silence between you was not comfortable, it was the opposite of that actually. You kicked yourself internally for allowing your stupid crush to cloud your judgement. It had clearly made him uncomfortable, his current silence making that pretty fucking obvious.

You couldn’t let your silly feelings in that moment ruin the last day you had with him. You had to say something. Anything. You had to make this better, “I’m sorry again, I ah, I don’t know what came over me just now.” You stopped walking and looked up at him, causing him to stop as well. “Can we just pretend that never happened?” You asked, hopeful that he’d accept your request and forget that it ever happened. Hopeful that it wouldn’t ruin your friendship. Or his final day.

His brows furrowed together for a moment then he sighed and corrected his face into its normal relaxed look, “yup. Whatever you want, Y/N,” he nodded and smiled, but you could tell it was forced. Though you didn’t push him about it, you just wanted to change the subject and leave this whole awkward moment in the past.

“So,” you started, trying to think of a topic to change the conversation to, as you both began to walk again. “You excited for your trip?”

“Yup,” he replied. And even though he’d agreed to just forget this whole thing, you could tell it was clearly still bothering him. Good job smart one, way to make your best friend fucking uncomfortable. Damnit!

“Ah, that’s good,” you nodded, “I bet Sokovia is lovely this time of year.”

“Yeah, it is,” he nodded as you both reached your friends. Both of you handed out the food and went back to your respective spots. Which luckily weren’t right next to each other, like usual. You sat on your towel, kicking your flip flops off then quietly munched on your fries, and stared off at the water. You had to fix this whole mess. You had to.

But the rest of the day dragged on, and it felt like Steve was actively avoiding you, which was exactly what you didn’t want happening. All because you almost kissed him, clearly he was not okay with that. Not even in the slightest.

It was now night time and you all had gone to the annual year end bonfire. Wanda had told you a few weeks back that it was a tradition at Shield High, all the students would get together for a giant bonfire on the beach. Everyone’s way of ending the school year and starting the summer break off right, as she put it. It was your first time ever going to one, and you knew this was going to be your last chance to fix things with Steve, before he left in the morning.

But then every time you’d try to talk to him, you’d get interrupted by some drunk student calling for him, or walking up and inserting themselves into your conversation. And it was getting fucking frustrating, to say the least. So near the end of the night, when you noticed him wandering off alone into a forested area, you followed him. Yes, this was a creepy thing to do, but you were desperate at this point. And this may be your last chance to talk to him, and there was no way in hell you’d let it slip away.

You figured he was going to find a place to pee so you waited at the tree line for him to be done. The sound of small branches cracking and crunching told you he was coming back towards you now. As he came into view you made yourself known, not wanting to startle him.

“Hey,” you waved awkwardly.

But even though you tried not to startle him, you clearly had. He tensed and jumped slightly then relaxed once he realized it was you, “ah, hey.”

“Can we talk?” You asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded then you took his hand and pulled him away from the fire to find a quiet place to chat. The feeling of his large warm hand in yours brought back the same butterflies it had at his birthday, when you’d taken his hand to lead him outside.

You shook your head slightly, trying to not allow yourself to think about just how amazing his hand always felt in yours. That was the last thing you needed to be thinking about right now. Your stupid crush being the exact reason you were now in this whole fucking situation. You reached a small deserted picnic area and released his hand as you sat at one of the picnic tables, Steve sitting down on the opposite side of it.

You were now just staring down at your hands on the table, not entirely sure what to say or how to even start this conversation. But luckily for you, Steve spoke up first, “so, what did you want to talk about?”

You looked up at him, “you leave tomorrow.”

He smirked and nodded his head, clearly finding the humour in you stating the obvious, “that I do.”

“For 2 months,” you stated the obvious, yet again. But you kind of just needed to build up to this conversation. Needed to state the facts. Maybe so you could come to terms with them a little more.

He sighed deeply, “yup.”

“Are you mad at me?” You blurted out—and so much for building up to it. Shit.

His eyes widened momentarily then his brows furrowed, “what? Why would I be mad at you?”

You sighed, “you’ve been avoiding me all night, Steve.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have. So spill it, how do I fix this? You leave tomorrow and I refuse to let you leave with any hostility between us,” you gestured between you both.

“I haven’t,” he shook his head, “and there isn’t any hostility between us.” He paused before firmly adding, “at all.”

“Then why does it feel like there is?”

He shrugged, “I duno, I don’t feel it. But I do know that I’m going to miss you like crazy, and the closer we get to having to say our final goodbyes for the summer is really getting to me. So maybe you’re taking that as hostility?”

“Maybe,” you said more to yourself as you nodded. He did have a valid point, one that would make sense. “So, were good then?” You asked hopefully.

He just chuckled and said, “we were never not good.”

“Oh thank god,” you breathed out then laughed. “I think you’re right though. The closer we get to the end of the night, the more upset I get as well.” You paused to just stare at him for a moment, as a bunch of emotions started to run wild again, but you forced them down. “What am I going to do without you all summer?” You widened your eyes, feigning a realization than you leaned forward to whisper as your eyes darted around anxiously, “and who’s going to break into my room at night, like some creepy stalker?”

He threw his head back and burst out laughing for a few minutes. “You’re so weird,” he joked as he composed himself and focused back on you, wiping the joyful tears from his eyes as he did. You always took it as an accomplishment if you could cause him to laugh so hard that he’d tear up. It being one of your favourite of his tics. “And it’s not breaking in if you leave the window open for me,” he pointed out as he shook his head then turned a little more serious. “But I promise we will talk every day. The time differences may make it difficult, but I’ll always respond whenever I can.”

You nodded and looked back down at your hands, feeling the weight of this moment all over again. “Okay,” you sighed, “that makes me feel a little better.” And that was true, it did. But texting him wouldn’t be the same as having him around. And once again you felt the sting of tears in your eyes, blinking quickly to try to eradicate them.

So when you felt the picnic table wiggle and shift, you quickly looked up to see Steve stand and walk around to you, offering you his hand which you willingly took. He then pulled you up to your feet and into one of those amazing hugs of his. Which was exactly what you’d needed in this moment. And clearly he’d known that.

You both just stood there silently for a while, enjoying each other's embrace. Then you felt him sigh deeply before he finally spoke up, “we should probably get back,” he squeezed you a little tighter. “But please try to not let this upset you to much, okay?” He asked and you just nodded into his chest. “I’m sure these next two months will fly by for both of us. And before we know it, we’ll be back in class,” he joking groaned and it caused you both to laugh. And with that you both reluctantly released from the hug and made your way back to the fire.

The talk had helped you relax, and the rest of the night ended up being a fucking blast. You didn’t feel anymore hostility at all, and at the end of the night he dropped you off at home and you said your final goodbyes. You’d managed to get through them without shedding a single tear, at least not until you watched his jeep drive away down the road. That sight though killed you, and you burst into tears instantly.

You spent the next few days cooped up in your bed, moping and being miserable. Your friends contacted you multiple times but you’d just tell them you were sick, not wanting to leave your cocoon of comfort. However, after a few more days they weren’t buying your shit anymore. They all showed up and dragged your ass outta bed, forcing you to make the most of your summer. Which you did so reluctantly at first, but then you just sort of fell into a rhythm.

Each passing day bringing you one step closer to having him back. But he had lied to you that night, your summer didn’t fly by, like at all. It was actually the longest two months of your whole fucking life. Or at least you swore it was. And that was even with talking to him daily, via both text messages and phone calls. But it still didn’t feel like enough.

It was that 2 months without him that you finally realized it wasn’t just a silly stupid crush anymore. No, you were in love with him, 100 percent. And that was not a good realization to have about your best friend. At least not one who saw you as basically a little sister. Fuck, you were doomed.

July 2018 - Present.

“You’ve been awfully quiet.”

You turned your head to see a still, very much, shirtless Steve plop down at the water's edge beside you. Finding yourself, once again, trying to avoid looking at his ridiculously muscular physique and far too exposed torso. So you forced yourself to hold eye contact with him. Which was a lot more difficult than you’d have liked.

“Yeah, I was just enjoying the view,” you nodded then turned to look back at the water. Using that as your new distraction from the fucking GQ model to your right. “For a while there, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see this place again.”

A silence fell over you both and it was in this exact moment that you realized it was far too quiet, you turned your head around and noticed everyone was missing now. It was just Steve and you. But before you could even ask he piped up, “they all went to get food, Clint is bringing back fries for you.”

You laughed, “that’s really sweet of him.”

Another silence fell over you, this one lasting a few minutes, at most. “Are you happy to be back?”

You kept your eyes on the water but smiled and nodded, “honestly, I am.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” He asked and that got your attention, you turned and made eye contact again and he looked almost vulnerable in this moment, which made your heart start to race.

You nodded, “yeah, of course.”

He sighed then looked out at the water himself, “this place just hasn’t been the same since you left.” Then his hand went up to rub the back of his neck, “I’m ah, I’m really glad you’re back,” he said so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him.

“I am too,” you whispered, a giant smile gracing your lips as you took his hand and intertwined your fingers with his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to come home.”

He nodded but didn’t speak, and at that you leaned your head on his shoulder as you both just enjoyed the quiet, peaceful moment together, staring out at the water.

You’d missed him more than you’d ever thought, and in this exact moment it hit you like a dang freight train. How you’d made it through 7 years without this man by your side was beyond you. And you vowed, for real this time, to always fight like hell to make sure he stayed right there. By your side. You’d never again allow your life to go on without him.

You finally had your best friend back, and that was not going to change ever again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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[focusontheeasternlightning-blog]

Relying on God, I Saw Through Satan’s Schemes

By Wang Jing, China

My daughter had no child for ten years after she got married. The people around me all looked at me with a peculiar gaze.

 My husband also often nagged, “No matter how much money I make, what use will it be? I even don’t have a grandchild to continue my family lineage.” For my vanity and face, I did all I could to seek a cure for my daughter, and took her to see doctors who had folk medicine for treating infertility, regardless of the cost. However, all my efforts were in vain. But when I was in despair, my relative preached the gospel of God’s kingdom to us.

In February of 2013, my whole family accepted God’s work of the last days. Through living the church life with brothers and sisters, praying and reading God’s words, I understood some truth. Later, I performed my duty in the church, living much happier than before. I committed my daughter’s matter into God’s hands, hoping that God would give her a baby.

In January of 2014, my daughter got pregnant. It was an enormous and joyous thing. My husband, daughter, son-in-law and I bowed before God, offering thanks and praise, “Oh God! Our whole family thank You!” We were all immersed in incomparable joy.

Our Hope Was Dashed, and We Were Extremely Grieved

One day in mid-June of 2014, my daughter was doing the cleaning, when she suddenly felt her belly ache. We hurried to send her to hospital. Later, she was delivered of twins 16 weeks premature. However, the baby girl just lived for thirty minutes and the boy about an hour. Their death was a great blow to us. During that time, we were immersed in extreme sadness and pain. I was feeble like a shriveled eggplant and lost my appetite. With my tired body, I looked after my daughter in hospital. Unwittingly, I started to complain against God in my heart. “I know it is God’s blessing that my daughter could get pregnant. But why did He take her babies away? Since we believe in God, why do we encounter this calamity? …” The more I thought about it, the more passive and pained I became. I even didn’t want to read God’s words. I was in no mood to pray, and I didn’t want to attend meetings. Every day, I was busy with worldly things and my heart strayed further and further from God. However, the more I was like this, the more distressed I became, and I felt as if I had lost something.

God’s Words Led the Way and Enlightened My Heart

Afterward, my sisters came to help and support me after knowing my situation. They fellowshiped with me, “Sister, what happened to you is Satan’s temptation. We should see clearly that this is a spiritual battle. Let’s read God’s words and then we will understand.”

God’s words say: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle.” Then a sister fellowshiped to me, “We all live under Satan’s domain, deeply corrupted by it. Now, God has again become flesh to express the truth to save us so that we may break free from the affliction of Satan and live in the light. However, Satan is unwilling to be resigned to defeat. It fears that we accept God’s work in the last days and obtain God’s salvation. So, it does its utmost to fight against God for us, using some disasters to cause us to be passive and weak and develop doubts toward God and thus to wreck our relationship with God; its purpose is for us to leave God and lose the chance of salvation. Aren’t the means by which Satan harms us insidious and malicious? It knows what we fear to lose most as well as our weakness and then use them to attack us. You wanted grandchildren most, so it made you lose them to disturb your heart. In this way, it caused you to be passive and weak, deny God, and blame God; its evil goal is to make you leave God and follow it to resist God, and end up being punished by God. However, God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes. God allows Satan’s temptation to befall us to test our faith and to see if we truly believe in Him and follow Him. This is a spiritual battle. We should stand witness for God!”

After hearing God’s words and the sister’s fellowship, I gradually understood: What I encounter is actually a spiritual battle. Satan wants to use my daughter’s miscarriage to make me passive and weak, keep away from God, deny God, and finally lose God’s salvation. At this thought, I felt Satan was too insidious. I privately made up my mind: Oh God! No matter how Satan tempts me, I must not fall for its schemes. Please save me.

Satan’s Temptation Befell Again

In April of 2016, my daughter got pregnant again. Later, she delivered a healthy and lovely boy. I offered thanks to God from my heart. However, not long after my grandson was born, he suddenly had a serious illness, and then was diagnosed with leukemia. As soon as I heard this, my tears fell out of my eyes. I felt as if my head would burst open. My whole body felt limp and weak and everything went black before my eyes. I just couldn’t accept the fact. “The doctor says that it’s uncertain whether my grandson’s disease will be cured even if we spend several hundreds of thousands of yuan on it. Will I lose a grandson again? What should I do?” Suddenly I felt as if the sky had fallen. It felt like a knife had been twisted into my heart. Even breathing was difficult. Just when I was pained and helpless, I suddenly remembered God. “God is my reliance and my support. Why don’t I rely on Him?” So, I called out to God in my heart ceaselessly, “Oh God! Now my grandson is seriously ill. I am unable to save him. I can do nothing but commit him into Your hands. Encountering this temptation, I am very weak. May You give me faith and strength so that I may obey Your sovereignty and arrangement.”

At that moment, I thought of God’s words: “The environment around us as well as the people, matters and objects, all are permitted by His throne. Do not have a complaining heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you.” “You are able to stand on the side of God when He does battle with Satan, and you do not turn back to Satan, then you will have achieved the love of God, and you will have stood firm in your testimony.” God’s words gave me faith and strength and calmed my heart gradually. “God is almighty. My grandson’s disease is in His hands. I can’t lose faith in Him.” Recalling that last time I nearly betrayed God for falling for Satan’s schemes, I made a resolution in heart: Today, regardless of how Satan interferes, I will stand firm. I must not fall for Satan’s temptation again. I can’t complain against God. This time I must stand testimony to satisfy God.

Obeying God, I Tasted God’s Grace

When I was willing to commit my grandson into God’s hands, I saw God’s wondrous deeds again. At dawn the next day, I received a call from the doctor, “Your grandson’s condition has gotten much better. I’ve been a doctor for over twenty years, yet it’s my first time encountering such a recovery. What a miracle!” When hearing this, I simply couldn’t believe it. What my grandson got was leukemia, yet he got well after being hospitalized for only six days. It was really a miracle! God is too almighty and too wondrous! I couldn’t help jumping with joy. Aside from excitement, I continuously thanked and praised God. Under God’s care and protection, my grandson recovered his health completely. Now he grows up lively, lovely, and is able to say many words, which is truly God’s grace and blessing to our family.

After experiencing this spiritual battle, I have gained a great lot. It turns out that there are God’s intentions hidden in things that seem bad. I have not only reversed my incorrect perspective of believing in God only for grace, but also really seen that God’s wisdom is exercised based on Satan’s schemes despite the various schemes Satan uses to destroy and interrupt our relationship with God. Through the revelation of God’s words, I saw clearly Satan’s hideous countenance, and began to forsake it and loathe it. God’s deeds are so wondrous! Thank God! All the glory be to God!

[nellie-elizabeth]

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Return (4x21)

Oh boy. The finale is looking to be a teeny bit intense, isn't it? In this episode, we're back to the real world, and my oh my is it a disaster.

Cons:

Coulson decides to not tell May that he and her robot version totally made out, which... I mean, I get where he's coming from, but I really do hope the deception doesn't last very long. There's really no advantage to dragging this one out, guys.

We learn that all the other LMDs were destroyed by LMD!May's explosion that happened right before the Framework arc. Our heroes show up now to the destroyed base to find Talbot pointing guns and being all authoritarian but not having any idea what's going on. This was a funny scene in some ways, as I do always like seeing Talbot stick his nose where it doesn't belong. But the destruction of the other LMDs seems a bit too tidy, and Talbot was really just distracting us from the more prescient concerns of the episode, in my opinion.

I don't find the Russian to be interesting in any way shape or form, even when there are multiples of him and he's threatening to kill all the heroes. He's pretty bland.

Pros:

This was a good episode, though, and most of that is because of Ophelia. She's newly human, and she's experiencing all of these emotions for the first time with such depth and complexity. She's confused and overwhelmed but so happy to be able to feel fully for the first time in her life! She's so in love with Fitz, who spends the episode with her looking like a confused, broken puppy dog. This all comes to a head when Fitz appeals to Ophelia's empathy, and Ophelia teleports them into the base to save Mack's life, helping our heroes escape from the Russian, who blows up the base under the oil rig. Simmons then ices Fitz and Ophelia and locks them up.

And here we get the best scene of the episode, where Ophelia talks about how she understands Fitz fully for the first time, and how she loves him and chooses him, and Fitz talks about how he doesn't know how Simmons will ever be able to look at him again or forgive him for what he did... and then he says he only has room for one person in his heart, and that's Jemma. Aida freakin' loses it. She's got all of these emotions roiling around, and she's got the powers of multiple different Inhumans housed inside her. She quickly gains her freedom from containment and goes on a rampage, killing S.H.I.E.L.D. agents left and right. Our core group of heroes barely manage to escape.

Mallory Jansen, the actress playing Aida/Ophelia/Agnes, etc. is amazing. She is realistically the same being she was before, but with this new and intense emotional energy that we've never seen from her before. Her breakdown when she learns that Fitz loves Simmons is a frightening thing to behold, and it works so well with the character we've developed for her. More so than any human being, Ophelia is used to being able to control for all variables. Suddenly, when things start spiraling out of her control, her new emotional side kicks in and she totally loses it. She's like a newborn child, only super-powered. A frightening adversary, indeed!

I also love the fact that Aida/Ophelia frames what happened in the Framework as if she was a slave to her programming. And... maybe she was? She tried to make everybody happy the way that Radcliffe wanted, and yet she bent all of her considerable power towards the goal of escaping from that control. Can you blame a machine for its actions? Lots of interesting ideas floating around.

God, the stuff with Fitz in this episode just killed me. The whole episode, he seems to be wrestling with the two worlds inside his head. He's confused by Aida, but he doesn't seem to be denying and rejecting her the way we might have expected. In fact, he doesn't mention Simmons for much of the episode, until suddenly we see why. He believes that his chance for a future with her has been destroyed. How could Simmons ever forgive him for what he did? He realizes, with a dawning sense of horror and resignation, that he is just like Grant Ward. A slave to his upbringing. He killed innocent people. He hunted Jemma down and shot her in the leg. And yet? There's only room in his heart for her.

Of course, Simmons is coming to her own realization about what Fitz must have gone through. She learns from May and Coulson that they haven't just woken up from a dream. The Framework feels like a real life to them, just as much as their current life. Fitz can remember what he did in there, as surely as he can remember his real-world actions. The moment when Simmons realizes what Fitz truly went through is pretty devastating to see. Her heart is breaking for him all over again.

Ouch ouch ouch. We don't get to see much of the reunion between our precious Fitzsimmons, but we do see Simmons come in to the room once they've made their escape. Fitz can't even look at her. Simmons just sits down, and the moment she touches him to wrap her arms around him, he starts crying, and she starts crying, and she just holds him. It was the perfect silent way to reconnect these two separated lovers, and I hope the finale gives us some time to deal with the rather intense fallout from everything they've been through.

While I do hope that Coulson spills the beans to May about the kiss, I did like their interactions in this episode. Coulson does tell May that he drank the special bottle that they were saving, and May is not happy about it. They spend the episode totally in sync with each other as they handle a really impossible situation. They actually lent some levity to a very dramatic episode, and it was fun to see them in that role. Coulson also had my favorite line of the night, which was to Talbot: "We're not robots, Glenn." Just his tone of voice had me cracking up.

Finally, we must mention poor Yo-Yo, who learns from Daisy why Mack didn't come back through to the real world, and decides to go into the Framework herself to get him out. We see the episode end with her in the Framework, tied to a chair and screaming. This is not going to be good. There's no evidence that Mack will be able to remember Yo-Yo, as nobody other than Coulson was able to access any memory from their old lives. And how is Mack supposed to choose a woman he doesn't even know, over his own daughter? Or what if Yo-Yo can't escape from the Framework, and she's stuck there forever? It's obviously a super complicated situation, and I'm really nervous that Yo-Yo and Mack are going to be gone next season, if we even get a next season. Still, there are so many cool possibilities to explore with this latest development. Go rescue your man, Yo-Yo!

And then of course we get the end of the episode, where Robbie Reyes emerges from the portal to the hell dimension or whatever, skull ablaze. I really liked the Ghost Rider plot thread from the beginning of this season, but it was eclipsed quite extraordinarily by the LMD plot thread and then the Framework story. The best thing about the Ghost Rider stuff was Robbie himself, while the plot was just so-so. Hopefully, bringing him back in to cause some waves in the current climax will be a good move. As long as he doesn't pull too much focus from Aida/Ophelia and the rest of our heroes, I'll be really happy to see him back.

So... there you have it. Fitz is breaking my heart. Simmons is breaking my heart. I'm scared for Yo-Yo. I want Coulson and May to squish their faces together, already. This season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been intensely awesome.

8/10