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I would love to hear about any head canons you have for the two not so very great dads :3 💖
I HATE THEM!!! 😡😤 (proceeds to make art, stories, and headcanons of them as they occupy my mind space for how many months already) (slight suggestive warning for some of these HCs)
I like to think they dated way before the present time (they dated in college, this hc is long so i'm not adding it here rn). So in the present games where they meet again (USUM's RR and Masters) Ghetsis slowly starts to develop romantic feelings for Giovanni (again). This bothers him to no end, especially since he suspects that Gio knows. Mafia man does figure out and secretly uses it to his advantage in their rivalry. Overtime though, Gio starts to feel mutual (again). This leads to him subtly flirting with Lettuce causing the latter to grow even more frustrated with his romantic man crush. He shouldn't fall in love with his enemy for world domination yet he did and he suspects that the other likes him too so now he's even more infuriated.
The jist of their dynamic pre-relationship is just Ghetsis being a tsundere who is also obsessed with the don bastardo (which he tells himself is hatred) and Gio being a smug flirt that takes any chance he gets to infuriate lettuce priest more.
They're very professional, most people wouldn't even notice that there's something going on between these two since they act all curt and business like everywhere. But if one stops and observes them, they'd notice how there is a minuscule hint of fondness in the way they speak to each other and how they have their own code in saying their affections. Also, look closely and you'll realize the glances they share have a deeper meaning than just mere looks. To put it short, they have a lot of eye sex, it's subtle but once you notice it, it becomes clear as day. Their grunts feel awkward whenever they end up noticing; it feels like they're intruding on private matters though they're not sure what.
Ghetsis has mobility issues, particularly his BW2 rendition, and he can't really walk and run for long distances anymore. Good thing he has a strong, beefy stud of a boyfriend to carry him around. Whenever Gio does that, Ghet becomes extremely flustered but doesn't stop him. While he does prefer dealing with his own problems and issues himself with the stubborness and persistence of a lone wolf, he's still a sucker for being treated and pampered like royalty. (After all, he is from a royal lineage and a pompous fuck)(expect a comic based on this soon)
In most other ships that involve Gio, he tends to subtly tune down his cruel, aggressive, and domineering traits for his partner and tries to be more considerate, slow and careful (still keeps the charming mafia godfather vibe tho). In this case, he doesn't. Being that they're both old and shitty bastards, Gio doesn't feel the need to adjust himself much for Ghet since he doesn't play nice either. If anything, he can be as blunt and straightforward as he wants to be. He won't hesitate to just slam the green-haired maniac down his office desk, rip apart his robes and have his way with him until sunrise.
Ghetsis likes to ramble and rant about whatever, whenever convenient. Gio doesn't mind this and lets him go on about whatever topic his partner wants to talk about. Usually he'd also return a comment if the other inquires on what he thinks or when he so chooses but in some instances, Gio just gets lost in the sound of Ghetsis voice, how he would be so full of emotion and conviction in the way he speaks and just the sound of it all can be what he considers music to him. You can tell he's not really paying attention to what Ghetsis says and is just enjoying the sound of his voice when he looks at him utterly lovestruck (well, as lovestruck as how a hardened mafia boss can be)
There are only a handful of people Ghetsis would allow to touch his hair; his hair care routine takes a long time to do and anyone that messes with it is basically asking for death. Gio is one of those few people. This pretty much means that he trusts him enough now to let him touch his hair and boy, he made a pretty good decision. Feeling his hand comb through his locks feels soothing and well, he does like how he pulls his hair from behind whenever they fck.
Gio most definitely had a long list of past lovers and even now that he's seeing someone, he still has many others clamoring to be with him. Ghetsis does not like this one bit. Whenever he's with Gio and someone tries to get too close to Gio, he just shoots them a scowl that can make milk sour up immediately and sticks closer to Gio. Gio does tell him to calm down about it and that he's a grown ass man who can make his own decisions but he does find it endearing seeing how much Ghetsis is in love with him.... even if it is going full possesive, but he can deal with that. (expect a comic on this too)
Curse that one deactivated blog for giving Gio a thing for Ghet's legs because now, I actually like the idea of it. Gio simply loves his tall, GNC, gossip girl, murderous megalomaniac boyfriend and his long ass legs.
There's something so funny about them getting married and Gio going like "Now that we're married, it's only fair that I give you something that you've always wanted." And straight up presents Ghet with a gun and says, "Let's shoot up a police station as part of our honeymoon, amore mio Harmonia." And Ghet is all sparkly eyed and delighted and goes "You know me so well, Sakaki dear." And their children are just screaming in horror in the background, "DON'T MAKE HIM MORE OF A THREAT THAN HE ALREADY IS!!!!"
and yeah that's it for now, this is getting too long lol
#cheken clucks#cheken's nonsense#my headcanons#god this ship is making my brain rot so much#but hey i'm enjoying it HAHAHHAHA#giovanni#ghetsis#terribledadshipping#pokemon#cheken scratch#cuz i had to add a quick art piece here lol
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I disagree that the daddy kink convo should've been replaced with a heartfelt meaningful conversation about their mutual issues with their fathers because as much as you complain that the relationship isn't developed for Buck, it isn't developed for Tommy either, and it would be a disservice to the reserved guy that Lou says that Tommy is to make him immediately open up to someone without showing the proper progression and storyline leading up to that
the kink convo worked for both characters (both are just dawgs i guess), it was very mutual, and i still don't understand the perspective that Tommy's comment came out of nowhere, i run based off of the assumption that all flirty buck convos are... flirty...????
I understand why people want this, because the acknowledgement of Buck's parental issues comes with a burning desire to have a genuine conversation about it, but something that fits his character should not come at the cost of another character.
A scene should fit to everyone involved, and at most, it should've been a kind of... maybe a conversation of buck going 'yeahh... i got issues with my dad, that's why Bobby means so much to me, he's kinda like the dad i never had.' and Tommy's response being 'Yeah, i see that... my dad sucked but i had Gerrard who sucked too, so... yeah... he's the dad i already did have lol.'
OH...
OH WAIT...
ITS ALMOST LIKE THEY DID.
this conversation should happen eventually, but when it actually has meaning. At a point where Tommy is actually going to be willing to open up a little more (since we kinda see that he is a little bit more reserved with Buck still in this season), and maybe it's in favour of servicing Buck as a character, or Tommy, or BOTH. But you cannot put a character on the line bc you pearl clutch over the fact that your 'baby' pretty boy fucks severely.
#i dont even give that big of a fuck about this ship guys okay i just dont get the drama#theyre grown men#let them kink it up#the season as a whole was kinda messy so lets just ignore your lack of media literacy for a moment and then we'll wait for s8 where they#realise yall lack the nuance to think critically and dumb this relationship down for you and make them the stereotypical palatable gay ship#so you shut the fuck up... and then you'll probably cream yourselves over how much you love it#brain rot. all of you. you cannot comprehend anything ever oh my god#911 abc#911 show#IM HERE FOR HENREN AND MADNEY OKAY#IM SICK OF TALKING ABOUT THIS SHIT LET ME TALK ABOUT MY ALTERNATIVE MADNEY WEDDING IDEA OKAY#bucktommy#kinkley#evan buck buckely#tommy kinard
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i remember being genuinely scared to ship mareven because im a toddler that uses tiktok so my first intro to mareven shippers were just crazy maven stans who romanticise his mental illness. i remember one so vile i had to comment hate on it because they were bringing my bae mare into this like mare get behind me rn. and then they doubled down saying her rejection to maven made him more mentally unstable LIKE it was her responsibility???
#this is why most my mutuals are marecal shippers 😭#i meam tumblr mareven shippers tend to have more self awareness thank GOD#had me defending marecal and mare AND cal individually on that app. it just wasnt pleasant#and then them chalking up his evilness to lie the blame at elara’s feet only. ewwwww ur misogyny is showingggggg#the lack of media literacy on that app is making me stress so much im going bald#fr was trying to not ship mareven bcuz i could not be seen with those embarrassing mfs. its why im on tumblr now lmfao#like why cant yall just ship mareven not in a platonic or romantic way but in the secret third soulmate way as intended why do yall have to#-be weird and rot ur brain when it comes to black haired blue eyed evil white twinks??#red queen#red queen series#war storm#glass sword#kings cage#maven calore#mare barrow#mareven#this post started with mareven now i want to just rant about how bad those maven stans are at understanding his character#maven would hate yall irl#and they always treat mare as a self insert when shes such a strong character on her own. shes behind me and i have guns out blazing at yal#rewriting
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໑ৎ ׁ ׅ♡ ALIBI 🌀
part xxi - masterlist - part xxiii xxii. soobin sunk it
bunni speaks — i apologize in advance please dont hate me
︶︶ ˚ ᡴꪫ synopsis — you are known for your brain rot anime content on twitter. so much so that you caught the attention of txt’s soobin on his secret stan account and became mutuals. what will become of this new friendship?
more under the cut!
“okay, and then what happened?”
“and then i read the letter and she said she liked me… more than gojo.”
soobin couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. when he got back to the hotel that day, he was kicking his feet and rolling in his bed, reading the letter another thousand times. his heart was going so fast last night that he was only able to get two hours of sleep before he was forced to get up for his next schedule in new york.
even with the lack of slumber, he was elated to tell his group mates about what had happened last night in the car. not a hint of tiredness in his bones.
hitting soobin’s arm, huening started giggling for him. despite all of the shit they give him, they all always supported him and was beaming in anticipation for the two of you.
“she has a whole fan account with over ten thousand followers for that man,” yeonjun added.
soobin happily and proudly nodded. that was right. you must like him a lot for you to make that kind of claim.
“okay like did you guys kiss?” beomgyu wanted all the juicy details and he wanted it now. don’t get him wrong. he loves soobin and his conquest for love, but he’s been a puppy with heart eyes and was dancing around the details all morning.
“wh-what—no?” soobin stuttered.
“what?” the rest of them said in unison. even the driver was startled by them.
“i… well, i couldn’t find the right time?”
“oh my god,” yeonjun slapped his own forehead.
taehyun groaned as he leaned back in his seat. kai had his jaw dropped, completely taken aback. beomgyu… well, he was laughing.
“you literally had it handed to you!” taehyun shouted, “she told you she likes you.”
“listen, i might not be that social with other girls, but even i know that you should’ve kissed her last night!” kai added.
“isn’t it too early?” soobin mumbled.
“no!” once again they all shout in unison.
“we leave the end of the week,” yeonjun sighed, “when you going to kiss her? over a webcam… come on, i know you can do better than that.”
“she probably thinks you don’t like her because you didn’t kiss her,” beomgyu said.
“no-o, she wouldn’t think that… right?”
“did you tell her you liked her?”
“…”
“oh my god, soobin,” yeonjun looked like he wanted to cry from frustration.
“why didn’t you tell her?” taehyun yelled.
“sooyn is over,” kai dramatically cried.
now, you’re probably wondering what had happened last night for soobin to mess up that badly. well, to put it simply, he just wasn’t thinking. after reading the letter, soobin was in shock. you might even wanna say that he completely blacked out. he was definitely giddy about getting a confession from you, but he had no coherent thoughts in his head.
poor guy didn’t even realize he never explicitly said he liked you. nor did he realize the look of disappointment (and confusion) in your face when all he told you was he really liked your letter and hugged you at the end of the night, before sending you off in a cab with the luggage full of gifts.
“i said i liked the letter!” soobin shouted.
“i didn’t think it could get worse,” beomgyu tightened his lip and shut his eyes.
“what now?” soobin whimpered.
“you left it open ended!” taehyun added, “she’s going to think you’re friendzoning her. i mean, i’d think that too considering you’re a celebrity! and she’s a normal person!”
“okay, did you guys talk at all today yet?” yeonjun asked.
you haven’t messaged him this morning yet and soobin was rereading your letter before he had to rush for his schedule to even think to look at his phone.
soobin’s silence earned him more sighs from the rest of them.
“our ship is dead… and soobin sunk it,” taehyun pretended to faint in his car seat.
unsurprisingly, the boys were right. you indeed felt like your feelings were unreciprocated.
#txt x reader#soobin x reader#txt imagines#txt smau#txt x you#soobin smau#soobin x y/n#soobin x you#txt x y/n#soobin fic#soobin fanfic#soobin#choi soobin
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I was in fear that I was the only one with their brain completely rotted by mouthwashing and swansea appreciation 😭😭 good to know I'm not alone in this
We love Swansea😍😍 but yes guys I’m finally doing his headcanons. I’m sorry it took so long to start making it. I’m still not completely recovered from the side effects from my meds. But I love my man swansea sm. Gonna bit a little bit angsty but mostly happy. Gonna be Just like the rest of my headcanon.
Crushing - Confession
- It’s gonna take a long time for Swansea to like you. I think we all get this. He’s been through a lot in his life.
- Your guys relationship goes through stages before he starts to like you. Like different stages of trusts. But when he fully trusts you. He’s Inlove, like INLOVE with you. GOD I LOVE HIM SM.
- Swansea isn’t gonna be to noticeable he finally figures out he likes you. There will be hints. Subtle hints. But still hints.
- Like curly. He will treat you different. Not that much different. He’d be a bit nicer with you. Nicer with his sarcastic comments. Nicer with his insults. Just not being as harsh on you. He might crack a smile at you.
- Swansea will be protective. Not in a weird alpha male thing. He’s worried about your safety. Let’s say you wanted to help work on the broken vent. He will adamantly say no. He knows how dangerous some of the stuff he works on can be. He’ll let you watch but he doesn’t want you to get hurt. Not even a paper cut. ( doesn’t worry he doesn’t coddle you)
- If you ever do get hurt. If it’s not bad Swansea will help you himself (he’s trying to be romantic give this man a break.). If you accidently got cut put a bandaid or bandage on it. Scolding you for being so ‘stupid’ and getting yourself hurt. (He was really worried, you almost gave that poor man a heart attack)
- He’ll do little things for you. Saving you a seat next to him. Waiting for you to catch up to him. Saving you the last candy bar on the ship (much to Daisuke’s dismay). He doesn’t really mention that he does this stuff. And if you ask him about it he’ll deny and look at you like you’re crazy.
- Swansea is constantly thinking about you. In such a sweet way. Oh this reminds me of them. They would like this. I wonder what their doing right now. He always has you in the back of his mind. He also a romantic but he’s just emotionally stunted. PROVE ME WRONG.
- Swansea is gonna be a bit scared to try again. But you make him wanna try again. You make him feel like he’s in his prime again. So it might take a long time for him to confess.
- I think when he does confess, it would be late at night. You guys would be talking. Laughing the night away. Just having a genuine good time. He’d pause for a moment. Making you confused. You guys lock eyes
- “Y’know you can be a parasite sometimes. Always in my god damn head. You really made an old fool like me fall in love like I was back in my twenties.” He won’t directly ask you to date him but I think you get it
- When you say you wanna date him. He’ll just smirk. Wrapping an arm around you as guys continue your night. (He was absolutely terrified you’d say no.)
Dating
- Another dude he likes hearing you yap. It could be about anything. Be warned he will probably tease you. But he doesn’t do it in a mean way! His sarcasm is just his way of showing you love. But he truly does listen to you talk. Sometimes when you guys talk hell randomly bring up something you talked about like 2 months ago.
- I think his love language for receiving would be quality time and words of affirmation. And I think his giving love language would be quality time and acts of service.
- (receiving) I feel like Swansea likes you around while he’s working. Whether that be talking, listening to music, or just in silence. He likes having you around. I already talked about how much he likes listening to you talk. So that definitely plays a big role. So whether you’re yapping about how Daisuke almost broke his arm trying to get a pack of sugar, or doing your own thing next to him. He just wants you around.
- (receiving) He’s had a rough past. I think we all get that. So I firmly believe he’d love some praise. Whether that you talking about how handsome he is, or complimenting his skill. Swansea will act like he doesn’t care when you do this. But he does. He really really does. He’s not gonna tell you though.
- (giving) Said again. This man loves having you around. He’ll actively invite you to hang out with him while he’s working. Swansea is gonna act like it isn’t a big deal. But he really wants you to show up. So please don’t turn down his offers to spend time with him!!!
- (giving) Swansea will do small things for you. Saving you the last of cereal for breakfast(even after Daisuke begged to have the last of it). Doing your laundry with his, making you some food when he’s cooking. They’re not humongous gestures but he does them frequently. It’s like a second nature to him. Swansea isn’t thinking ‘I’ll wash their clothe cause I wanna be nice”. He just kinda does it. Like an unconscious part of him just makes him do these things.
- This man will always swing his arm around you. Like always. Whether that be walking down the hall together. Wrapping an arm around you during movie night(the crew definitely as movie nights sue me). He always has an arm around you. (GUYS I KNOW THIS IS SIMILAR TO CURLY GIVE ME A BREAK😭🙏)
- Do spa masks with him. He’ll call them stupid but trust me. You will have a lot of fun. It will turn into a gossip night. You can’t tell me this man doesn’t gossip at least a little bit. He doesn’t call it ‘gossip’. But this man is sassy when he’s ’talking shit’. Like Swansea bae… Just call it gossip.
- Swansea defiantly calls you nickname. Don’t get your pitch forks out yet please😔. I think his main nicknames would be toots, sweetheart. And other old timey nicknames.
- Daisuke looks up to you guys. He’s definitely more than once called you guys ‘dad and ___’ (keeping it gender neutral gang).
NSFW - DO NOT READ IF YOUR A MINOR OR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NSFW (AFAB)
- We know this man is old. I think we ALL get it. So he’s not gonna have that much energy. But what he is gonna have. Experience and knowledge. LOT’S OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE. So your not gonna have to worry if your gonna be satisfied by the end of the night.
- SWANSEA PREP GAME IS ON POOOIIINNNNTTTTTT. He will make sure you are ready! I’ve said before, he does not like seeing you hurt. So I firmly believe he’ll spend a lot of time on prep. If you wanna give him some special thanks go ahead. All he’s really worried about is making it less painful for you.
- I do not believe he’s a selfish lover. No matter what anyone else says. I’ve seen people talking about how he would be selfish during sex. LOUD INCORRECT BUZZARD. Argue with a fucking wall. While he does like getting pleasured. I think he likes a good 50/50
- Cock warming king. Sometimes when he knows no one will bother him. Hell unbuckle his pants and just slide you right on. You guys haven’t been caught so🙏🙏 Try to make sure it stays that way.
- Call you a whole ass phone book ass size of pet names. PUT THE PITCH FORKS AWAY!! Honestly I feel like it just slips out. He’s not fully focusing on what to say. (I’m sorry. No im not sorry. He would not call you baby girl/baby boy during sex,.)
- Swansea prefers having these intimate moments in one of your guys bedroom. He’ll take a risk sometimes if he’s that horny. But he feels it’s more special in one of your guys room. He doesn’t get that thrill of it. (He also prefers the plushness of a bed.)
- Swansea loves holding you after sex. That post nut clarity really hits. He feels so special knowing you’re here with him. Willing to be so intimate with each other. He feels lucky that he has you. That he gets to try again.
- I feel deep in my heart he’s a grunter. I don’t think he’s like a loud one. But you’ll hear a grunt every so often, your gonna have to train your ears to really listen to it
- He talks you through it. ARGUE WITH A DAMN FUCKING WALL HE TALKS YOU THROUGH IT. He gets pleasure from it to, comeing at you that your doing good, that you can keep going, just a little longer. My opinion is better suck my dick.
Authors note: I FINALLY GOT IT OUT. Sorry it took so long but it’s finally out!!!
#mouthwashing smut#mouthwash#mouthwash smut#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing x reader#mouthwash game#mouthwash x reader#swansea x reader#swansea mouthwashing#swansea smut#swansea mouthwash
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I had a fun dream regarding the Elden Ring DLC!!! In fact, it was a DLC for the DLC. Apparently it was my brain's spin on "how it could have gone differently", centered around at least 3 different endings (?) that I got to try! It was hard to say whether I was playing or actually being the main character and experiencing all this (best type of videogame-based dreams!)
The focal point was Divine Gate being destroyed and Miquella being spat back out, in his accursed child body again and the "plot" started when we returned some things/feelings to him to make him active. The amount of dialogue he'd provide depended on the amount of Crosses we visited, and before returning them he was completely limp. In either case he was labeled on the map as 'Heartbroken Miquella' or something. There was one 'default', ending that needed passivity sort of. There were plenty of quests and things to do still that were required for the plot, but provided you didn't do anything "special" it ended up in Miquella basically building a Noah Arc very quickly. Yes, because some unknown force triggered the great flooding that was coming. It would basically destroy the world Greater Will and Fingers created so far, and yet let it be made anew. The good side of it was, that since Death is connected with water in Elden Ring world (souls of those that didn't die properly assume Jellyfish form, Godwyn became a sea creature, Tibia Mariners) a LOT of people were coming back with the water but in pure form. Children of the Stars without their rotten flesh and all. This ending felt bittersweet though; having done so much to 'uproot' the fundamentally wrong things Two Fingers melded into this world, he still could not find the courage to let his friends die yet there was no time to separate their bodies from flesh like Ranni and victims of Astrologers' experiments... Effectively, preserving """filth""" into new world and saving what he could save.
The second ending somehow stopped the flood by effect, granting it protection of his gentle pale yellow light (not to be confused with the oppressive gold of the Erdtree!). Protection from any Outer God and from corruption and rotting from within. That however would result in people like Malenia, Godwyn (Prince of Death), Romina etc getting sealed into yellow crystals for the 'next 1000 years' so they could not corrupt the world but alas they could not be healed still. This ending was centered on Miquella comprehending that no, Radahn wasn't "corrupted by sinful world" into becoming a warmonger compared to younger self but war WAS his nature. And for many people, alas their nature was 'necessary evil' without which the world would be a hollow place. So he accepted he could not "save" some people because that'd not be them anymore. However, he could still let the world rest in Heaven by putting it in preservation for a long time. Not cleaning, just preserving from evil, external or internal. And how this secret ending was achieved? ......by marrying Miquella, which included a large variety of activities in order to distract Leda, avoid Leda, lead him away before Leda appears, sending more friends to talk to Leda, having Dane and Leda shipped (lol okay??) etc hfhygxjjh Because if you messed up this part, she'd not let you close enough to Miquella and you'd be set back to flood ending XD
Third ending had to do with the darkness!! It was a secret one, where you would seek rifts Messmer left along the way where he used Base Serpent powers too much. The rifts were patched out by the earth itself, but you had to reopen them like wounds. Reverse Crosses collecting! Because.. if they all were opened, you could access the Lightless Abyss that Base Serpent came from and force it into the world! It would extinguish any and all light of this world leaving only blue star-affiliated one. A bit like Ranni's ending but EVIL!! Creatures of golden light would get striped from it though (Queelign copes and seethes lol). It ensured a lot of horrors being unleashed though and consuming every "weak" person. Tarnished, Albinaurics and other lightness were remotely safe, but those born of gold and under Ring and relying on it were FUCKED. Especially Marika's family. They'd remain defenseless and be the first to get swallowed, so from now on they'd need protection. And whereas blue stars remained the age would be darkness swallowing all of them until only one remained. I as a "player" knew it'd explode to bring the light again.. but other characters didn't.
.....yet when I wanted to try this unleashed Abyss ending, Miquella himself stopped me by stabbing me with Bewitching Branch (not swinging it, specifically stabbing) and I woke up from very intense feeling of love and yearning for him lol fgfggh The last thing I remember how scared he was that he barely stopped... all that. But I just suddenly found him the most appealing person in the world, as if I never loved anyone else. I can't even describe how it felt. It was like.. every cell of my body suffering and only his touch could cure this torment. I had to lay down about 20 minutes to finally calm down gjfggd I am actually embarrassed by it, especially since intrusive thoughts followed, but also I guess it wasn't my fault? Very weird type of alarm clock though 💔
#elden ring#dreams#miquella the unalloyed#miquella the kind#(maybe? since it was explicitly dlc focused)#these were so fun though!!!#if I could write id make a fanfic of three parts elaborating on them#just so much fun I wish it was real#it was like a dlc for the dlc!!!
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Hi!
My thoughts about what I'm about to point out aren't coherent yet but you're the first person I thought of when it came to me
So Yuuji's still missing his left pinky finger after Sukuna changed vessel and RCT can't fix that because that's a piece of Yuuji's soul that was ripped off
And now I'm following the theory that the finger in the last panel is the one that was imbued in Yuuji from birth that he removed himself through his ring finger
And in my brain it's like 'there's some skit bs going on here' and idk if I'm making sense because I'm not sure of where this is going 😅 but with the left ring finger being associated with engagements and weddings getting rind of the last piece of the other's soul through that finger could be akin to throwing away your wedding ring (the divorce era is real) but maybe they've rotten my brain a bit too much
In any case I'm looking forward to any thoughts you have on this chapter (and thank you for reading my ramblings) <3
Hi there anon!
I love your thought process and the fact that you remembered that! It would be extremely fitting (even if far-fetched for those who are not as insane as we are) because they just big sigh. They just have to act like that and be that way lol. I wouldn't put it past our dear author who delivered a lot on sukuita week no less (that is still some crazy coincidence) to again make something about them both. If not the finger, then the soul connection, if not that then something else. Like Gege definitely didn't need to write Yuuji chasing after his inner demon and spending time with him (hell, saying he was frantic and wanting Sukuna to indulge him), especially not when that same demon is someone who continually kept ruining his life and took the very person Yuuji confessed he feels lonely without, but here we are.
I'm waiting for the official chapter to drop so I can really get the whole picture since leaks are just a tiny piece. Shipping aside, I don't know what to make of that panel with Sukuna's finger. jjk is pretty close to ending now and hence, I am skeptical. I really wish for there to be another arc after Shinjuku because it feels very off to me to end everything in like two more chapters. I'm hoping for more because it still feels like there's more left. Maybe I'm just insane and will be missing this manga a lot which is why I'm sensing that, idk.
Divorce arc has never been realer now and it's lowkey slightly painful to me since Yuuji wanted a compromise. What's very fucking funny still is that Yuuji reached out to him, first and foremost, realized he can't affect him (that sad look in his eyes) and then switched back to his usual response. Meanwhile Sukuna's still pretending he doesn't care even though he indulged Yuuji and spent nearly an entire day with him before he finally snapped when he realized Yuuji was sad about him lol. Still, the vehement anger Sukuna feels is keeping me rather well fed because Sukuna has no business being so against Yuuji saving Megumi. Like why?? He had no trouble being patient and even explaining his viewpoint when Yuuji DE-ed them away and talked about himself, but then the second Yuuji mentioned saving Fushiguro, he's shaking with rage and promising to kill everyone Yuuji loves.
Chapter 265 is literally:
yuuji: spend some time with me
sukuna: ok
yuuji: so here's what i realized
sukuna: why are you telling this to me oh my god i don't care like i understand your point but i don't feel anyth—
yuuji: i want to save fushiguro
sukuna: 😡🤬😡🤬😠😠🤬😡🤬😡😠🤬 (that wasn't meant for me?!?!?!?!)
I am also brain rotting hard about everything. 266 fueled my brain and filled it with one-sided sukuita fic ideas which are just peak angst and I live for angst so yeah. I'll have to get to writing soon because I have a lot of ideas for these two (the writers block is keeping me away from that, as is my slightly limited english vocabulary and real life unfortunately).
Thank you for sending this ask, anon, and also thank you for listening to me ramble about these two as well! <3 I'm more than happy to discuss these two for eternity because they just make me insane.
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Mmmm forte swap au brain rot upon ye!
I've already completed designs for everyone at the NDA but I wanna space out the posts a bit cuz I don't think I'd be able to say all I'd want to in just one post!
Ramble about character info below; (+spoilers for all of mdarc)
Obviously this is based on my silly doodles for rain code ship week but I've actually started putting a lot of thought in to this now! (I've had waaaaaaay too much free time recently and I'm blessed with the ability to come up with lore/world building very quickly given enough motivation!)
So first off: Why Storm Cypher? Well cuz it's a protagonist swap! Desuhiko's now the amnesiac trainee being haunted by Shinigami so it made sense in my opinion to make this au's name reflectant of his last name, Thunderbolt. So that's where the 'Storm' comes from. 'Cypher' because it's a form of code and... well I just think it sounds nice basically! I do what I do for my own enjoyment, I don't always need to have a reason - no matter what my teachers say.
Also I decided to change some (Not all) character's last name's to better reflect their newly assigned fortes.
Anyway- It's character info dumping time!!!
Desuhiko, like og Yuma, has absolutely no memory of his past. While his personality remains fairly intact, he boards the Amaterasu Express hoping to figure out who he is along the way. While nobody there knows who he is, he instead finds he have a knack for word-play, puns and pick up lines, leading to accusations of secretly being a circus clown as opposed to a detective. This attitude is only solidified more upon meeting Shinigami, the death god with just as many innuendos to make as he does. They get along almost dangerously well, even more so when he learns she has a humanoid form. After completing the first mystery labyrinth, he decides that being a detective HAS to be his true calling, since solving the case was pretty fun all things considered, and receives his hoodie from The Chief to help keep him dry once arriving in Kanai Ward.
Yuma on the other hand, takes the place of co-star of chapter 2. At first he comes off as cool and charismatic but he breaks down almost immediately at the slightest hint of conflict. He's been a very famous musician for years prior to becoming a master detective, though he finds it hard to fully express himself through anything other then his appearance and music. The anxiety induced from an excess of fans, attention, and not knowing who to trust anymore thanks to his own popularity, he was ecstatic to be scouted by the WDO for his talents in disguises. Once it blossomed into a fully fledged forte and he was allowed to work as a detective properly though... they started regretting hiring him. Chaotic, anti-authoritatian and impossible to track down, he's more of a vigilante then a real detective. He was selected to go to Kanai Ward due to it's predicted high mortality rate, the higher ups hoping to dispose of the troublemaker without being too obvious about it. What does APAB mean you ask? All Peacekeepers Are Bastards!!! The Chief wasn't very happy to see him wearing it but permanent marker is permanent.
I haven't decided if I'll change Shinigami's humanoid design yet. If I do though, it'll probably just be more remenicent of her beta design. I haven't decided if I'll swap the Amaterasu Express detectives either though but... maybe I will. Since its forte swap though, the peacekeepers will all remain the same.
I'm hoping to write a fanfic for this, as opposed to like... a comic. But I'm partial to the idea of maybe doing an ask blog as well? I don't know yet. Either way, I'll probably post more for this tomorrow! <3
#raincode#master detective archives: rain code#fanart#raincode yuma#raincode desuhiko#raincode shinigami#swap au#master detective archives: storm cypher
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little rabbit, part II
because apparently this is how i am spending my Thursday evening.
Cw: dubcon, abuse of authority, general ickiness. Less sex than originally intended.
The xenos are giving Roboute more trouble than first thought, but he’s a strong lad; he can handle them. There’s really no need for the Emperor to remain any longer — the thought of staying to say goodbye to his son does not even occur to him — so he packs up his retinue and heads off to the next battle that demands his attention. After all, in the far reaches of this uncaring universe there is only war, and hungering, terrible gods, and the bleak possibility of extinction: a fate only he is able to steer his people away from.
He takes the girl with him. He doesn’t ask Roboute for permission. Why would he? Human serfs practically overrun this ship, and he’s sure that the Primarch could have his pick of them. This one he can spare.
—
“Come here girl,” he says, a few hours later, as he reclines in the bath — indulging in one rare indulgence while contemplating another. The indulgence in question looks at him with fretful eyes, her knees pulled to her chest. She hesitates for a moment, her jaw tightening with pain and effort. Disobeying the Emperor of Mankind is not a pleasant experience for your average human — they are all drawn to him, instinct demanding bent-knee and awe. He’s impressed with how long she holds out; then, all at once, she starts to her feet, picking her way over to him, bare feet on wet marble. The baths aboard the Bucephalus are magnificent and vast, all extravagant gold decoration and shining white marble. The heated pool the Emperor sits in now is deep enough that the water shades to navy at the centre.
“Yes my lord,” she says, eyes awkwardly flitting from his face to his chest. “I uh — what would you have me do?”
He has some ideas, but before he can speak she grabs at a bar of perfumed soap.
“Roboute — uh, the Lord Primarch —likes it when I wash his hair. Can I do that?”
Fascinating. He can see the muscles in her legs twitching as her lizard brain howls at her to drop down in supplication, and yet she holds herself upright — hunched, shaking, and standing.
“You may,” he allows, and turns around. She sinks to her knees behind him, shuffling forwards on her shins, so she can reach him. She spends a very long time lathering the soap between her hands, delaying, and he settles back, the top of his head resting in her lap.
The Emperor is a firm believer in the old adage: hard times make hard men. It is a good thing to suffer and to grow strong; too much softness leads to rot, and the hungry eyes of those things that lay in the depths of the warp. However, as the girl’s fingers work against his scalp, combing through his long hair — well, he finds himself reassessing. Just a little. A tiny bit. Some indulgence is important. Keeps things in perspective. Stops one from valorising asceticism to the point of theology.
Something like that.
She rinses his hair, and slicks oil through it, and works her hands along to his shoulders, absently pushing her thumbs against the knots she finds there. He barely feels the pressure, but he enjoys the gesture.
“Now,” he says, as he stretches out, his hair cleaner than it has been in months. “I think it is time we —“
”I can tell you a story! Can I?”
Her voice lilts into pain; interrupting him violates that deep-buried instinct to obey, and blood drips out of her nose. He runs his thumb along her upper lip to mop it up; at his touch her whole body starts to quake; but she does not look away from his face. Even when her right eye begins to twitch with the effort of it.
“Yes,” he says. “But take this off.”
He tugs at her dress. It’s soaked through with water, and he’s almost certain he ordered she remove it before they entered the bath — or did he? No, he realises. He didn’t. He just assumed she would do. And she didn’t. Tiny little acts of defiance. Adorable.
She shucks her dress off, revealing soft flesh, all blushed and distressingly unmarked. He leans forwards and closes his teeth on her shoulder, just because he can, feeling the bird-sharpness of her bone against his tongue.
“I uh — wait, can we wait until the story is finished?”
”It depends on the story, little one.”
Still, he pulls back. Once more, blood is dripping from her nose — she’s staring him directly in the face.
“Right. Once there was a trickster named Crow…”
She is not so foolish to talk to him of gods — instead she tells him about Crow’s adventures throughout an ancient world; how Crow, being small and feathered and female, was at a great disadvantage in most of her conflicts; and yet how Crow’s intelligence almost always prevailed. And, when her intelligence failed her, she could always fly away. There is something about the story, about the way she speaks, about the unyielding focus of her gaze — despite the blood that continues to ooze from her nose, eventually joined by blood from the corner of her twitching right eye — that makes him feel rather nostalgic. For a moment — for less than a breath — he can imagine that he is once more a young man, sitting in the red soil of his birth, listening to the women of his tribe exchange tales around the cooking fire.
She talks until her voice runs out. It has been hours, and he has matters to attend to. He catches her face in his hands and kisses her, her tongue dry from storytelling, her lips chapped and sore. She tastes of blood.
“The Custodes will escort you to my chambers. Be ready for me.”
”Yes, lord. I — I —“
She stammers a little, like she’s trying to form a question — but in the end, her words fail her. She nods, mutely obedient.
He wouldn’t expect anything different.
—
When he has her, later that night — insofar as any timespan in space can be called night — she tries very, very hard not to cry. It’s sweet how long she lasts before the tears overwhelm her, narrow shoulders trembling as he bounces her in his lap, nipping at her throat in little love bites —
She screams, and he immediately slackens his jaw, lapping over the bloody imprint his teeth have left; the bruise is already purple, and will probably turn black over the next few days, like a thunderhead.
Like a brand.
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Nuance in (The Sandman) Fandom
Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!
I thought a lot over the past few days, partly prompted by discourse on here, partly due to a couple of “interesting” asks and messages I received (the type you don’t answer). I *think* they might have been prompted by engaging in discourse on topics like anti-blackness/racism, misogyny/sexism, TERF characters etc in The Sandman.
Fandoms are always getting super sensitive if someone shines a critical lens on their favourite works, authors and characters. So to make this clear (in case it isn’t already obvious from my brain-rot blog):
I love The Sandman. I love Neil Gaiman. I have an extremely soft spot for Dream (and Desire btw, who deserves a lot more character analysis than just being summed up as “villainous, sexy bitch”. One day, perhaps ;)).
I can read The Sandman and just get lost in the story, even after decades and many rereads.
But I can also view it through a critical lens—these things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Not critical enough or too critical?
As fans, we can get trapped in certain thinking patterns, like:
“My blorbo can do no wrong”-syndrome
“Characters with flaws are inherently problematic and imply authorial endorsement of those actions”
“Characterisation and problematic subtext are one and the same” (aka overanalysing and looking for problems where there are none is the death of every story, but failing to see problematic patterns where they are clearly visible is a problem, too).
Don't say anything bad about my favourite character
I think this doesn’t need much further exploration. It’s not my personal way of looking at stories through permanently rose-tinted glasses (I always feel it stalls my experience, but my experience is not everyone else's). Some people prefer that type of escapism, and I’m good with that (although the downside is of course that by not willing to engage with issues, we can unwillingly perpetuate them). Live and let live, ship and let sail. But please, for the love of god: Don’t insult people via their inboxes or messages just because their opinions and preferences don’t align with yours. I’m not going to sugarcoat it or phrase it “nicely”: It’s infantile (and a form of bullying btw), end of.
How can you even like a character who's so horrible? And that author must be equally horrible, too
We have to separate flawed characters, even those who are written to be really problematic, from real-life endorsement of these actions.
Author, narrator and character are three fundamentally different things, and don’t overlap as much as some people seem to think.
We can write vile, despicable characters to make a point (for me, Thessaly was always a prime example for this, and I explained why here). We probably hate them as we write them. I don’t know what else to say, but this facet of writing seems to get more and more lost on people, and it’s a worry. Crying for sanitised characterisation is one step away from censorship. We explore what is problematic about people and humanity through story. That’s how we process and learn. It’s nothing new, but it becomes impossible if we can’t write flawed and even disgusting characters.
Face value…
Since I’m mostly in The Sandman fandom, I often read that its ending is hopeless, and that’s supposedly the entire message.
It is agonisingly sad, yes. But is it truly hopeless? I personally see it as quite the opposite, but of course that’s my opinion, coloured by my life experiences.
I also get that show-only fans often haven’t read the comics, or at least not the whole arc. And as such, their outlook from what they’ve seen so far (and choose to focus on) has to be different by default. I also understand that many people are quite new to the comics, even if they have read them in their entirety. I’ve sat with them for 30 years, and I still find new things on every reread (and I read it more times than anyone should 🙈), and I still don’t feel like I’ve understood it all. Perhaps because I still haven’t fully understood myself (and it’s unlikely I ever will). If there’s one thing The Sandman isn’t, it’s one-dimensional and easy to grasp in its whole depth.
I just wrote a ginormous meta on it, if you’re interested, it’s here:
Subtext, (not so) glorious subtext
This is where it gets complicated:
We shouldn’t mix up characterisation and story subtext. Overanalysing every line to death will always make us find something that’s “problematic”, when it really isn’t in the wider context of the story.
Zooming in is NOT always a good thing. Sometimes, we actually need to zoom out.
But subtext *can be* (accidentally) problematic. Even in stories we love. And none of this negates what I previously wrote.
Stories have real-life implications of sorts, and we need to be able to talk about it. That’s where those slightly flabbergasting, hostile inbox messages come in, and I want to expand on that "topic of contention" a bit:
Neil himself confirmed that the Endless basically warp reality, and that this is why, after Dream’s failed relationship with Nada, many black women in his vicinity suffer terrible fates (Ruby and Carla in particular). And that this spell is only broken when he dies, and that it is the reason why Gwen doesn’t suffer the same fate. And said Gwen then gets used as a plot device to basically absolve Hob (who canonically really is a problematic character, whether show-only fans like it or not) from his slaver past. Once again, very clearly: No one is making this up. Neil confirmed it (for the comics, and that was over 20 years ago. It remains to be seen if his stance has changed as we move into that arc in the TV show).
I don't think it is correct to imply that Dream as a character is racist (I've read that, too) because he logically can’t be. He holds *all* the collective unconscious. He is also, strictly speaking, not white. He is everything and nothing, and he shows up in many different ethnicities throughout the whole arc, depending on who looks at him. But Neil played with a subtext here (reality warping due to a bad relationship which then affects everyone with similar physical traits) that will read very differently to a black person than it reads to a white person, and we have to understand why that is an *extremely* slippery slope.
Plus, we are supposed to see Hob, who *was* a racist at some point (you can’t not be if you’re a slave-trader—it’s impossible by default) as redeemed. And yes, he *does* regret deeply, good for him (and if I were saying this aloud, you would hear the sarcasm in my voice, because it is indeed all about him. We are to sympathise/empathise with him and his character growth while there isn’t much mention of the people he maltreated). But also: it was a black woman who basically forgave him (with dialogue that personally makes me cringe). And that black woman who offers forgiveness is not truly a black woman—she is a character written by a white man. And as much as author and character are not the same (see above), there is an inherent sensitivity in that power imbalance that we can't brush under the carpet.
I don’t think Neil is racist. Probably quite the opposite, and I can even see that his intentions were good from a storytelling point of view. BUT intention and impact are two fundamentally different things, and telling the story this way (comic version) betrays blindspots only white people have. Just like women have blindspots when they tell stories about men, and men have blindspots when they tell stories about women (and there are a few of those in The Sandman, too). And and and…
As storytellers, we can’t always speak from lived experience. It’s impossible. And that also means we occasionally make mistakes that look bad in hindsight, even if our intentions were good.
I guess the proof is in the pudding: What do we do when people who *have* that lived experience tell us it looks bad? If they inform us why it is hurtful, plays into old stereotypes etc?
Are we willing to listen and yield (both are the foundations of allyship btw), or are we insisting that our viewpoint as someone *without* lived experience is right? That lived experience extends to all lived experiences (sex/gender, sexual orientation, age...), and from all we’ve heard from Neil so far, it seems important to him to rewrite what he sees differently today. Whether they’ll always get it right for the show—we’ll see. At the moment, it looks a lot better than in the comics, and certain issues are already being handled with a lot more sensitivity, but a few problems remain.
Pushing back on criticism that comes from people with lived experience is problematic—I’d encourage us to think about what it looks like if a white majority in the fandom is basically saying that the opinions of POC are essentially “overreactions” (and yes, that happened).
It’s complicated. The Sandman was written in a different time, and I think we have to distinguish between things that weren’t really problematic at the time but have aged poorly (again, Thessaly springs to mind, and I have lived experience as a queer person during that time, so I can see it in context while at the same time acknowledging that I would make changes to bring it to the present day), and things that were always a problem due to blindspots. They were a problem in 1990, and if they don’t get changed, they are still a problem today.
This fandom is generally so much more open and nicer than others I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s infallible, because it’s full of humans.
Nuance is sorely needed, in both story interpretation and interaction between said humans.
#sandman#the sandman#dream of the endless#hob gadling#morpheus#the sandman comics#the sandman netflix#sandman meta#fandom blindspots#fandom discourse#sandman spoilers#nada#nada sandman
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saw a post questioning shipping Senua and Thórgestr and started to reblog it with a tag novel-- felt weird about doing that since this is lengthy and potentially derailing, so making my own post instead. Spitballing under the cut:
First off, any time someone is like, "the real reason people ship this is because they find the dude attractive," this is SO funny to me as someone who doesn't find men attractive IRL and has fiercely loved Senua since I played the first game, like-- actually I find the dynamic between those two characters to be compelling and interesting precisely because of all the baggage between them re: their backgrounds, the rough (put mildly!) beginning of their relationship, all the things they don't talk about, and them finding a common enemy/common ground to work with. The explicit parallels between them stated in-game scratched an itch in my brain. The minute they pointed out the dark rot on his arm, it was like, "oh! hello there! NOW I'm interested in whatever your whole deal is" for me. Also, idk man, I too would follow Senua around after she knocked me into the dirt and then showed me a way to fight the giants that I very much wanted to fight instead of appease.
The idea that Thórgestr was part of the Orkney Raid that killed and mutilated Dillion is VERY interesting food for thought, even if I don't personally have that headcanon (surely there are more viking raiding groups than just the Bjorg). I think the Furies or the Shadow said something similar about Fargrimr (his kin murdered yours, you shouldn't save him, etc.) so I completely get that line of thought, but I think the game left it ambiguous enough that it's up for interpretation. Would I read fic with that premise? Yeah, I'd check that out. Could Senua forgive Thorgestr if his people were involved? Sounds fun to explore.
If (ha, when?) I write fic, I'd have to think more about it especially wrt timelines, like when did the Bjorg start specifically raiding for slaves for giant food sacrifices vs. killing people for resources and wealth? How far off are we from the old gods "dying" and the volcano erupting? Was it indeed a different group of raiders who made a deal with Zynbel, attacked Senua's home, and made the sacrifice at that time to Hela?
At the very least, I think there's a time jump between the end of Hellblade I and the beginning of Hellblade II since Senua wasn't alone on that slave ship and at least one of the (brief) survivors knew her by name. I wouldn't mind exploring that gap of time, too.
In any case I do agree that it would take a VERY long time for Senua to consciously catch feelings for anyone let alone Thorgestr with all their collective baggage. The idea of them having a relationship beyond friendship in the far off future of an AU where he survives is the only one that can make sense in my brain, personally. It would take time! Time they didn't get in the game! But I think there are a lot of different roads that could take, and some of them might be healthier than others. Shipping them certainly isn't forgetting or excusing what happened to Dillion-- or even mutually exclusive from still shipping Senua and Dillion. Or, frankly, also shipping Senua and Astridr, because I can see that ship too.
One of the nice things about all the details Ninja Theory didn't expand upon and that they left that ending so open is that the sky's the limit. I'm VERY interested in seeing fandom tackle this game as we get farther from the initial release.
#kate plays hellblade#senua x thorgestr#a friend did laugh at me recently and say there's always a weird guy i latch onto and i laughed back and said i'm a boy in my brain#i think i've felt that way forever and it's still true. i DO gravitate toward male characters#especially ones who are a bit starry-eyed over their female counterparts#anyway that's not what this post is about#it's more of me throwing thoughts out into the ether because i don't have the energy or time to write fic yet#but i am Thinking About It#what happens after the story left off? what if we changed ONE THING and gave them more time#i stopped using accent marks midway through this sorry i'm typing on a computer. my phone would catch them but alas.#i can't remember my video games tag#senua#thorgestr#hellblade#senua's saga#i'm really just excited to talk fannish things about this one#the first game was so neat and tied up that i felt no fannish inclinations beyond loving the game#but there's SO MUCH ROOM HERE with this second one#delightful#i'll read all the AUs even the sad ones#when it comes to thorgestr and senua i think thorgestr fell first and pretty hard but he doesn't talk about it until senua starts opening u#i really think those two are made for a glacially slow burn#maybe not if she becomes the tyrant seer. loved and feared.#could be quick and very unhealthy. ALSO compelling to me!#senua's saga spoilers#to be safe#these tags are about as long as the post. i'd better quit while i'm ahead.#hertan writing tag
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Okay, so now that I’ve had a chance to slightly recover from the rayllum brain rot (i’ll never make a full recovery) here are some of my (mostly) non-rayllum related thoughts on s6:
-I’m actually shocked the age rating is as low as it is…there was a lot of really emotional and shocking stuff (I’m looking at you, Viren’s death scene, Claudia screaming and crying over Viren’s body, Sol Regem eating Pharos, Soren offering to sacrifice his literal heart, the entire first half of episode eight, the startouch elves murdering a literal child).
-I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show where the relationships feel so intimate to the point of making me feel like I’m invading on a personal moment (before remembering that the characters aren’t real lol). Specifically, Terry bathing Claudia (I’m so soft for this) and Callum and Rayla sharing a blanket (and a very sweet and intimate moment) on the frozen ship. Idk man it’s just so fucking good. It all feels so sincere and mature. Also whatever the heck happened between the end of 06x06 and the beginning 06x07…y’all know what I’m talking about.
-I haven’t seen enough people talking about the music because oh my god, it’s phenomenal!! The standouts for me are the end of 06x06 (aka rayllum kiss scene) and when Viren is casting the “hearts of cinder” spell in 06x08. Score release when????
-On the topic of 06x08, it’s objectively the best episode of the season, maybe even the entire series (although on a personal level, 06x06 is my favorite for *reasons*).
-The Janaya vows were spectacular. 10/10 no notes.
-I REALLY loved Ezran and Soren this season. Ezran was so grown up and showed tremendous leadership and strength when negotiating with Karim, who was incredibly disrespectful and arrogant towards him (also, that dude was plastered lmao). Soren taking control and making the choice to evacuate the castle (which is 100% what Ezran would have done), and then begging Viren to sacrifice him to cast the “hearts of cinder” spell and save lives?? HELLO?? That was so emotional and made me love Soren that much more (which I didn’t even think was possible).
-All of the voice acting was A++. Racquel’s sobbing and screaming gives me CHILLS. Jason’s acting during Viren’s sacrifice scene? Outstanding. Sasha lowering her voice as Ezran gets older? So talented. They are all so good holy crap. They really have the A Team.
-The scene of Rayla with her mom and dad is devastating, but also bittersweet. I’m glad Rayla has a sense of closure here.
-Ruthari reunion when??
-Sorvus and Sorpeli are REAL and I’m not mad about it.
#I think those are the main things#i just really wanted to jot some of this down i have a lot of thoughts and feelings lol#tdp spoilers#tdp s6 spoilers#giveusthesaga
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I have no idea if I should come back online or not. I've been offline since. my god, what. fucking April? May?? My queue only has like 10 posts so I should refill that but tbh I don't see a point if I don't really feel anything. I am just a husk, I can't enjoy anything, I am just so numb all the fucking time. I have been doing so bad and nothing is helping and I am so fucking miserable when I can't self ship. I'm in pain all the time and I need my F/Os to help me get through the day but that's so hard when I look at them and watch the movies and feel absolutely nothing. I tried watching a bunch of ryan interviews/movies/shows for the last couple of weeks and there is just. nothing
September is my bday month and every year I try really hard to be extra gentle with myself. and I originally planned to stay offline for the entire month bc I just, I don't wanna fucking be here. I hate being on this hellsite. I hate feeling pressured to get back to so many people when my energy is so low. I don't find any joy scrolling through my dashboard. I don't find joy in making edits or drawing anymore. I don't enjoy my time on here anymore bc I cannot find joy in self shipping anymore. But I don't go a day without going into fight or flight mode, or having a nightmare or a flashback, or stress vomiting, there is always something, and my Ryan F/Os were really helping me get through it for at least a year, but now it's like... the last 4 months I've just felt nothing and I feel so utterly miserable
I can't afford a cptsd therapist anymore but I try to see my regular therapist once a month if I can afford it, and she said it's best for me to try to get back online at least once in a while, bc I'm just... rotting in my room and then going to work at both of my jobs and then coming home and missing my F/Os, unable to cope with triggers since I'm not able to self ship, and just rotting again. My sleep schedule is so fucked up bc of my nightmares/panic attacks I've had every night for nearly two years. I get zero to three hours of sleep every night for the last two years. I'm exhausted all the time and! it makes sense that I'm doing poorly bc your brain makes serotonin when you're sleeping! and if I'm literally never sleeping then ofc I'm not gonna have the stupid happy chemical in my stupid brain. and I'm not eating every day since I am trying so hard to save money, and skipping meals is obviously bad for your brain too, and I'm not socializing as regularly bc I'm so goddamn depressed. so my therapist said I should try to be online again even if it's just once a week, just to make F/O edits or something. fake it til you make it, try to build that habit again. but that feels so hard! I am so numb here! and I have so many bad memories associated with the abuse I've endured that I can't log into this hellsite without just feeling so fucking awful.
I am so tired of living in fight or flight mode and getting shaky from adrenaline rushes all the time and i'm so tired of not feeling like I can trust the people around me because of how much bullshit I've had to go through in the last two years of people purposefully being kind to me in order to betray my trust and manipulate me. I really wish I could publicly talk about what happened to me. I really wish I could publicly tell you all every single little thing that I have been put through in the last 2 years. I wish I could tell you who's doing it and I wish I could post everything... obviously not for witch hunt purposes, but just so people can know what's going on and idk help me, send me support, tell me "hey it's gonna be okay" literally anything, or at the very least just so I can warn you how fucked up a group of people are and say "hey don't interact with these people I've had to actually call the police on them bc they're Fucking Insane". but I refuse to talk about my situation publicly because it won't do anything but cause drama, it will make things worse in the long run, so I stay in my own lane, I just fucking sit here, I never talk bad about anybody anywhere even in private, I never name drop, I am just trying so hard to exist and stay in my corner.
I've been so paranoid for 4 months now bc of all of the stalking I've been put thru in the last two years. I don't trust people, and it bled into self shipping so I feel like I can't trust my F/Os. I know F/Os aren't real yeah yeah I know they're fictional, but idk how else to explain it. Think of the worst possible thing someone can do to you. anything you can think of; I have been thru it. online abuse and offline abuse. my F/Os got tied into that. I was conditioned to believe that these things that were happening to me would be my F/O's desires as well. that they'd want to abuse me the same way because they love me. that I am their "most special person" and that they'd feel an "urge to hurt me". especially if I was in a skirt. especially if I looked scared. blah blah blah all this shit I was told for months and months. endured in real time and then told my F/Os would want to do the same exact thing to me because they love me. that I am only loved through violence and manipulation. because of all of this I've been put through, I genuinely believe I am only capable of being loved if it's through violence whether this is IRL or with F/Os, and anyone who is being kind to me is secretly out to get me. this is such an awful way to live and I don't know how to stop thinking like this. I don't know how to shake it off. I'm so tired.
I want to stop having an immediate stress reaction, my brain spiking my blood with adrenaline saying "you're in danger!! you're gonna die!! you're gonna die!! you need to run!!" every time I see a stupid fictional robot, or certain clothes, or colors, or. whatever. I am so sick of it. It is exhausting dealing with so much stress and anxiety every single day!! every second that you're alive!! I cannot put into words how fucking terrible it feels!!! it isn't just a "eh this happens every once in a while if I just see my trigger" thing, it's a "I feel this every goddamn second that I am awake and even when I am asleep bc I'm having nightmares about it" !!! it's hard!! it sucks! it's hard!! I can't function if I don't have my F/Os and I don't have my F/Os anymore, not in the same way. I don't feel anything for my Ryan F/Os at all right now. Barbie doesn't make me feel safe anymore bc I don't feel anything when I look at her. I can't look at pink and think "ooh barbie pink" and try to get over that trigger. I just see pink and feel tense and like I wanna throw up. I don't see Barbie as a protector anymore bc I'm so numb. I don't see Barbie as a girl's girl who would look out for me, I see her as a potential abuser. I hate this. I miss her so bad. I miss feeling safe with F/Os. I am trying really hard to get that Ryan/Barbie hyperfixation train going again but I don't know how to do that when I am so miserable. I don't know where to start. am I supposed to fake it til I make it? draw and edit and listen to music and just try?? or do I just?? watch the movies? it's not working. but even if it's not working do I just keep doing it anyways? it's like there's a brick wall in front of me and anything throwing love/joy in my direction just hits the wall and I can't absorb it.
So anyway I'm sorry to rant. I've only slept 6 hours total in the last 7 days so my brain is like. suffocating. i'm probably almost done talking. being offline hasn't helped me feel better. I think isolating myself is, uh. not good. but I really don't have the energy for dms. I can try to answer maybe like... 3 asks a week if I push myself. I feel so bad that so so so so so many people reach out to me and I just don't answer. I don't do it on purpose I just genuinely have zero energy, or if someone sends a nice ask, in the back of my head I'm always thinking "nope this is a trap. I shouldn't engage with this" and like, what if it's not a trap? what if it's genuinely just someone trying to be nice to me? I don't trust it. i hate walking on eggshells. i hate that someone can send me "hi keri have a nice day :)" and my brain is like "ah this person is spending one whole entire year pretending to be my friend so they can betray me. they're secretly on the side of [abuser] so they can try to hurt me. don't trust!!!" like. hello. i hate that i've had experiences like that, so now any person who contacts me is automatically a "possible threat" ??? it is exhausting living like that. it's hurting me. i don't think this way on purpose! i am not trying to feed/fuel these thoughts. i have a literal stress disorder. this is part of the stupid complex post traumatic stress disorder. i am! stressed! to the point of this hurting me and i am unable to function! and! idk how to fix it. it's like someone planted poisonous seeds in my brain for 2 years that have sprouted into ugly huge trees and I can't cut them down. because the bark is too strong. or something. and now there's just poison in my head that I don't know how to get rid of.
ok sorry for rambling, I don't know if I am coming back online or not. I am supposed to! I should! I really should! but I really genuinely hate this hellsite after everything i've been put through. i never enjoy my time here anymore. but also my birthday is coming up and I deserve to enjoy my birthday. I want to enjoy it. I want to get better so bad, and if being online and making edits and drawing pictures is supposed to help with that then I will try. at least a little. I want to enjoy my birthday so bad dude. i hate my birthday, I have hated my birthday for years, but this year I am so... hurt, I feel like an open bleeding wound that cannot heal, and I want to be so gentle to myself this year. I want to eat apple pie at a diner and wear my drive scorpion jacket even if im numb the whole time. I want to go to the movies and bring my barbies with me even if im numb the whole time. I want to go rock climbing. I want to eat soft serve ice cream and not feel guilty. I want to learn how to watercolor paint even if i'm gonna suck at it at first. I have 3 F/O anniversaries coming up. K on the 1st, Driver on the 18th, Lars on the 26th. I should enjoy these days. I am not looking forward to any of it. I am just. numb. but I need to try. I cannot just sit here and tell myself it's hopeless. but then again I don't have energy to do anything other than that. but whatever, I will try even if it's just, like, one single day this month where I post art or answer one (1) ask. like literally anything I will push myself to do anything I want to get better SO bad
I'm gonna fill up my queue now, I'm sorry if it seemed messy the last month, I haven't checked it. I used to always organize my queue every day to post certain amounts on certain days, time it accordingly, make everything look all nice and pretty, but I haven't done that. I don't even know if ppl notice that kind of thing or not, I think it just makes me feel better personally when I know my blog is organized. I want to try to answer one or two inbox messages every once in a while. if I don't get to your asks or dms, I'm sorry, it is nothing personal I swear to god I literally am just a zombie right now barely alive and I am trying so hard to just. survive 😭
I love u. I'm sorry my tone in this whole thing comes off very bitter, I am genuinely just fighting to stay alive one day at a time for years and years and years and the cptsd made everything so unbearable and i feel like every single second im alive is such a struggle. I hate being so negative all the time I promise I am clawing my way out of hell to try to fix it even though it hurts the whole time. i want to get better not just for myself but also because i feel so bad that i make vent posts so often. i miss self shipping. im gonna stop here or im gonna spiral even worse. goodnight/goodbye ill touch base later
#vent#i didnt proofread this im sorry your girl is going through it#an update but also a vent but also a. i dont know. whatever
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What would an au where Sol lives look like?
ohohohohoh boy howdy have i been thinking about this
i have a couple ideas, one for my horny brain that is in love with him and one that's more logical. since i've already kind of summarized my horny thoughts into a vague fic idea, i'll focus on a more logical string of thoughts
when vernestra finds him, he's barely clinging on to life (it's giving palpatine + vader parallels quite frankly)
they get him back on the ship, get him an oxygen mask, and eventually return to coruscant, but all the medical assistance in the world can't un-do the power of the force wrapped around your throat
his voice is permanently changed, much more hoarse and painful for him to talk. he has memory problems bc being deprived of oxygen for that long gave him brain damage
he stands trial for what he did on brendok 16 years ago. i feel like he might be able to be talked into taking the fall for every single death on khofar too, but if not then i could vernestra waving it away as "osha attacked him to save her own life & now he's delirious w/ grief and has lost his grip on reality"
maybe he's exiled? maybe he's sent to prison on coruscant? i think either way, he is no longer a jedi and he's going somewhere to rot for his crimes, and he goes willingly bc he feels like he deserves it
if he's aware that mae is with the jedi, he'd probably be torn between letting her be and being obsessed with reconnecting with her - to ease his conscience? to beg for death? he probably doesn't even know what he wants
all sol knows is that he made a mistake and he (and everyone he's ever loved) paid for it at osha's hand. he's plagued by flashbacks and nightmares. when he talks to other jedi or prisoners about a sith villain who threatens the republic, he's written off as a crazy old man
and maybe he is. osha choking him snapped his mind, it utterly broke him. if he had died there, it might have been enough to heal him, cleanse him of his sins. but surviving has only allowed his guilt to thrive. bc death would have been his penance
basically, he's still scapegoated and he probably loses his sanity over the years. i do not see anything happy or good for him in this scenario
which is why i don't like to think about it lol
alternatively, in some happier universe:
i like the idea of sol being able to escape. maybe vernestra thinks he's really dead bc he's quite literally on the cusp between life and death. and when she starts to drag him off for a sad, lonely jedi funeral, she realizes he's alive and mostly an amnesiac, so she decides to help him
she does what she can to help him heal in whatever short time she has and then she sends him off in an escape pod, gives him this second chance to go somewhere and live out the rest of his life in peace
the jedi he once was died on brendok, at his daughter's hand. now he can just be sol. no guilt or trauma to weigh him down. he can be a farmer. or a tradesman. a teacher. he can live
i think sol always wanted to be a father but couldn't bc of the way the order is structured/the jedi tenets, so maybe in this alternate life he can adopt some other orphan (amnesiacs sol and mae becoming found family for each other, anyone??)
maybe he meets someone his own age that he can love and become attached to in a better, slightly healthier way. someone he can wake up beside and dote upon. someone who makes him want to be the best person he can be
pls for the love of god, let this man have something happy for once in his life
#master sol#star wars#the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#idk if this is anything but here u go my friend#requests
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For the shipping ask game, Xicheng and Chengxian?
Hello, anon! This got wildly out of hand, so it's all going under a cut.
Xicheng: Could Ship It
Borrowing this additional option I saw floating around!
I'm not strongly opposed to it, but it's hard for me to see them making it work in a canon universe. The fanart is very cute, though! And I've read some AUs that I thought made a good case, but they involved some thoughtful interventions.
What potential do you see in the ship?
Honestly, like, I just want them to both have something nice, they've had such a hard time. They both understand the hard work and sacrifices involved in sect leadership. I think the argument for it goes something like Jiang Cheng gets a person on his side who is kind to him, and Lan Xichen gets someone who's very reliable and also pretty direct, to heal his presumed post-canon trust issues.
What aspect makes you hesitant?
It just doesn't seem to me that they really enjoy each other? Like I believe they get along just fine and have a comfortable working relationship. I don't think they dislike each other, even. But they don't seem particularly close, even though they're of a rank and have been working with each other for years and years. I want my blorbo (Jiang Cheng) to be loved for his bad personality, not in spite of it!
I also think they would really struggle to communicate—Lan Xichen prefers to smooth things over, but Jiang Cheng reads too much reserve or politeness as rejection and, uh, gets reactive (thank you Jiang Fengmian for giving him the MOST deranged daddy issues, for real). Actually, I think Lan Xichen has a lot of potential to push a lot of Jiang Cheng's dad-related buttons just because of his temperament. (Maybe that's a plus? CRUNCHY.)
It also has the potential to cause some new and exciting political problems for them, which they both prefer to avoid.
Chengxian: Ship It
[lies face-down on the floor and starts hollering]
These two make me fuckin' insane!
What made you ship it?
Two things:
Their mutually happy childhood relationship, their initially compatible dysfunctions (Jiang Cheng is easily embarrassed but secretly wants affection, Wei Wuxian is bad at boundaries and WILL die if you don't pay attention to him -> Wei Wuxian touching Jiang Cheng all the time and receiving his attention, making both of them happy). Their enjoyment of each other. I love a badly-boundaried and devoted teenage relationship, it's delightful. Even before chengxian completely rotted my brain out, there was something specifically appealing about the Lan summer camp era.
The double golden core reveal took me out. I found Wei Wuxian's decision completely appalling to begin with, like viscerally disgusting. (I find it interesting when antis accuse Jiang Cheng of pretending to be upset when he finds out, or of not caring where the new core came from, because I, reader who did not get nonconsensual magic surgery, profoundly Did Not Like It. If it was my own body, I would freak out.) It's a fascinating combination of obsessive devotion and total denial of agency. Wei Wuxian is just like, "Don't worry, I will invent new and unheard of methods of violation for your own good because I can't cope with your despair." That's deranged, my dude. That is Not Normal. And then you find out that Jiang Cheng lost the core saving Wei Wuxian, and he plans to NEVER TELL HIM ABOUT IT. God damn it.
I don't even really care if they kiss, although it's fun when they do. Just reconcile! Reconcile!
What are your favourite things about the ship?
In no particular order:
In a text that is largely pro-Wei Wuxian—not in the sense that everything he does is moral, but in the sense that he's the cool protagonist, and he gets to kick ass and solve mysteries and have a happy ending—this relationship is one that highlights his weaknesses and failures in a very humanizing way. And in order to reconcile, he would actually really have to challenge himself and grow as a person, which I love for him. (I also think Jiang Cheng would have to struggle for it, but, like, dude has demonstrated the capacity to do hard and terrible things even when confronted with his own weaknesses. He's not gonna be cool about it, and he's going to cry and bitch the whole time, but if he thinks it needs to be done and it can be done, he'll do it.)
The lack of boundaries within the relationship, which is a product of the lack of clarity of the type of relation to each other. Are they friends? Are they martial brothers or real brothers? If Wei Wuxian is Jiang Cheng's shixiong, but Jiang Cheng is also Wei Wuxian's sect leader, which takes precedence? (It's clear what should take precedence, but Wei Wuxian just straight-up does not Respect His Authority, even though—by all available evidence—Jiang Cheng is a really good leader. But that lack of respect is also a form of intimacy.) It's super, super messy.
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
By lying to him so extensively, and then by failing to show up for any of his commitments without any explanation, Wei Wuxian really did betray Jiang Cheng a whole bunch of times, and Jiang Cheng's resulting betrayal trauma really is his fault.
You break it, you bought it, coward! Stop running away! (For legal purposes, this is a joke.)
#anon asks#ask game#shipping ask game#jiang cheng#lan xichen#wei wuxian#xicheng#chengxian#mdzs +#least-carpet thoughts
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You have NO idea how quickly I've become invested on knowing this Nina x Kate brain rot situation- I needa know all the details!!
*Sips whole cup of milk 'cause I'm not a fan of tea*
Honestly I started thinking about it as a joke, but Ive been thinking about them all fucking day now bro its making me go nuts. I looove my lil rarepair. Im gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble a bit about them…
- Theyre the epitome of femme x butch lesbian love. Kate is very masculine, dresses grungy, baggy clothes, video games, barely showers. Meanwhile Nina is very feminine, loves to dress up, takes care of her appearance, scene kid
- She drags her gross lil girlfriend EVERYWHERE and loves to show her off. Kate hates crowds, hates people, hates cities and public places. But she does it just to make Nina happy
- Nina will make sure Kates eating, drinking water, oh she worries about her wellbeing so much. They do basic hygiene together like brushing their teeth and showering, it makes things easier on Kate since shes been so long without ever caring about any of that stuff
- Nina loves to take care of Kate, and Kate loves to take care of her little ball of sunshine.
- Yknow the “cool stoic x crazy happy girl” trope? Thats them
- Theyre drive around in some beat up pick up truck singing alone to whatever emo pop punk song Nina chooses
- Kate holds Ninas bags when they go shopping
- And Nina walks around at night freely with her guard dog privileges (Kate would bite the head off of anyone who hurts her)
- When Kate comes back from missions bloody and bruised, Nina patches her up… And tries to hide how hot she thinks it is…
- Nina just loves weird freaks, and Kate is the perfect example of this
- I just cant imagine Nina happy with some guy. Kate is the perfect balance for her, they both help each other grow in so many ways, they’d both understand and be there for each other
- And most importantly, they’d be each others best friends. Kate would listen to aaallll Ninas gossip, and even share some of her own. Nina would absolutely adore watching Kate play her old horror games, and ask a bunch of questions about them that Kate has all the answers to
- Theyd explore abandoned buildings together, binge watch movies, hangout at the park late at night, play Minecraft together (Kate would fight off the mobs while Nina picks flowers)
- Very underrated ship I will do Gods work and bring it to light in the fandom 🔥
#tombtalk#ninakate#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta headcanon#nina the killer#kate the chaser#nina x kate#creepypasta fanfiction#creepypasta nina the killer#nina the killer headcanons#kate the chaser headcanons#creepypasta ninakate
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