#going back and forth between being super close and at a normal distance

[devondespresso]

i love gay people in fandom proving their gay ships with just vibes like you'll see a bunch of gifs of a pair interacting and theyre just like "this is not heterosexual behavior" or they'll have screenshots of like a character just fuckin standing there and be like "they're just fruity idk what to tell ya". its like not even like evidence that can be proved it just pure unfiltered gaydar

[lilgarbitch]

Running in Circles- Five

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: none?

Word Count: 9.5k

Author’s Note: I apologize for how ass this chapter might be. I had to cut it short and I’m a little too excited for what I have planned for future chapters, but needed to write a filler chapter to get everything in order. I hope you still like it though ❤️

Part Four

Y/N

It’s been a little over a week since Noah and I argued. Since Matt and I got super close. Since The Will Ramos reached out to me. And I truly couldn’t be more confused about my life.

Firstly, I would like to make up with Noah. I really would. But the universe and my mother made me the petty bitch I am today. We tried our best not to let the tension bother everyone else, which meant I still had to see him every time we all hung out. We just kept our distance. And I guess it was the fact that I was upset about it all, but he was getting on my nerves so easily now. I kept it to myself, but I still got annoyed every time he interrupted someone. Or he couldn’t control his lanky ass appendages and accidentally hit or kicked someone or something while moving around. I know it was because he was always on my mind, so I paid extra attention to him without even trying, but that, mixed with the ruminating feelings I dealt with after being so disrespected, was just a disaster for my mood most days. 

Tommy did his best to support me, him being one of the only ones I told everything to. I left Tony and Cam in the dark, mainly just saying that we had a little fight because I couldn’t do that to them. They didn’t need to be in the middle of something like this. And everyone else treated me fine, so I’m not sure who Noah talked to. Matt said that he hadn’t said anything to him, but at the same time, I do believe that Noah may be a little too irritated with him to speak to him at the moment. 

Speaking of Matt, that’s point number two. Matt and I have stayed close. We started going on little friend dates whenever we had time, checking out places in the cities we visited. We mainly just went out for ice cream, as we enjoyed that little tradition we started, but occasionally we found places that said they were “The Best Hotdogs in the World” or “World Famous Onion Rings.” We even joked that we should start our own ‘Flavor Town’ podcast or something. We just liked being able to try out things with someone we considered an extension of ourselves. It felt like a mix of being able to try out new things by yourself, just not entirely alone. It was a little exaggerated, but finding someone so…you, was such an amazing feeling. 

That resulted in everyone eventually pulling a full-on interrogation on us, asking if we were dating, or at least hooking up, which we just laughed at and repeated responded with a pointed “Fuck no!” I couldn’t tell you if that news had reached Noah or not, as he was starting to give us both the silent treatment. Matt said he was okay with it, that it wasn’t nearly as bad as when he picked Folio’s side in an argument a while back. I did feel like I was getting in between brothers, but with the reassurance from Matt and enough “fuck that guy”s from Tommy, I knew it wasn’t that bad. 

Now onto Will. We’ve actually been keeping in touch. He was hilarious, and I truly couldn’t wait to meet him. We’ve mainly just sent memes (because I accidentally sent one to him instead of Cam once, and it just became normal) and vocal exercise videos back and forth, but there were still a few chats filled with compliments about each other’s voices and bands. There was no rush to meet him, especially with me touring and him dealing with his own tight schedule. We could barely even catch each other’s texts unless it was a night where we were both staying up super late, him usually working on music and me dwelling on thoughts and writing more lyrics. But I was still enjoying having him as an online friend. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to Facetime him like he asked, saying it could be a little online vocal session. I would love his help, but I’m still not convinced he was even talking to me.

Another crazy thing I learned is that we were all going to spend our week break in Los Angeles. Our L.A. show magically landed on October 29th (we all know that Noah and the boys had some input on this), and from the 30th to the 5th, we were all going to be staying here. If you asked me, I’d say it was a little selfish for Noah to have his birthday off this tour but not Ruffilo, but they also spoke about it being a holiday, so I guess I could understand. The Bad Omen’s boys wouldn’t shut up about being able to be in their own bed again. They even invited all of us to stay with them, Cam and Tony immediately taking them up on their offer. Tommy said he’d think about it, mainly because I was adamant about just booking myself a hotel. I know once I tell Tommy that I was okay and for him to just have fun, he’d immediately jump on the offer as well. And truthfully, I needed a hotel room to myself. The boys and I have lived together for coming up on four years, and the chances of me ever being alone in that house were slim to none. I do kind of wish we could head back home to New York for the break, but I knew the boys wanted to party with the rest of them. I even debated on heading back to Louisiana and spending time with family and old friends, but I knew I would get “wish you were here”s and constant updates of everything I was missing out on. So alone time in a hotel was my best option, and I honestly couldn’t be that mad. 

We had a few more shows before our L.A. one, but I already had everything planned out. The hotel room was booked, me spending a pretty penny on a nice one so I could have as much R and R as possible. I did some research on places I wanted to check out, whether it be alone or with my boys- who now included Matt. And I even had a possible outfit picked out if I did decide to go to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Apparently, Noah hated mixing the two, which I completely understood, but they decided they just had to do it this once since they wanted to host a giant mid-tour party. Maybe if I get drunk enough or find a way to stay away from Noah at all costs, I could be okay with going. 

We were now on our way to the next show, and I was just sitting in the back of the bus, listening to music. I’ve been in constant debate on whether my emotions could take over and I could bum out on some of these shows, or if I should look as hot as I possibly could, letting ‘you know who’ feel bad. But with the break coming up very soon, I decided that going all out was the obvious choice, and I could let the feelings take over the second I reached my own privacy. 

I knew that it wasn’t my clothing choice that made Noah treat me like I was a whore, but even if it was, I was sure as hell dressing like a whore now to shove it in his face. I constantly had as many of my tattoos on display as possible. I’d wear jackets to and from the venues and arenas just so I could wear a low-cut top on stage. I haven’t worn a pair of pants on stage once, only skirts and shorts, some even showing a little under cheek. And I can’t lie, I have been feeling so good about myself since I started doing this. The boys have given me many compliments, and even the crowd has started to notice. I had girls comment on my and my band’s posts, asking for outfit details, and even a few guys said they enjoyed seeing me feeling good in my body. Yes, there was hate and a lot of sexual comments, but that wasn’t new, and I never cared about it anyway. 

Today, I had on an outfit I felt super proud of. I wore a bra with a corset underneath, lining up perfectly to look like a full shirt, this cute skirt with buckles and metal rings going down it, some thigh highs with garters attached at the top, and my old reliables- platform boots. My neck, chest, and arm tattoos were on full display, and I felt fucking good. Maybe it was the feeling of petty revenge, maybe it was knowing the compliments I’d get, or maybe it was just that I’d compliment myself if I saw her walking down the street. All I knew was I had reached a point of confidence that I never wanted to return from. 

We finally pull up to the venue, and I turn off my music and got ready to head out. The boys and I all pile out of the bus and head towards the venue, now having gotten into a good routine of checking the place out if we got here first. 

As we walked up, I noticed that there was a group of people already waiting in front of the venue, and the confidence had my body moving before I could even think about what I was going to do next. I informed the boys that I would be right back and walked through the venue towards the front. I finally ran into some security and asked them if it was alright if they joined me while I met some fans. Some said they’d call more over since they didn’t want to deal with all of that right now, but eventually, I had four security guys walking me out the venue's front doors. 

Within an instant, there was a chorus of screams, and all I could do was smile. Two of the guys made sure everyone stayed in line, and the other two followed me towards the fans. I knew they weren’t all there for me, so I only talked to the ones who looked like they were almost in tears. 

I didn’t even think of bringing a pen or marker, but thankfully, some fans always came prepared. I signed whatever they asked, most being random body parts, as this was not a normal thing for me to do, so most were as unprepared as I was. I took so many pictures that my cheeks were starting to hurt, but I didn’t care because the looks on their faces as I spoke to them overpowered any discomfort. I even took a few videos, greeting people who couldn’t make it or wishing people happy birthdays. One guy even Facetimed his girlfriend, who had to give up her ticket since she was sick, so I talked to her for a few minutes. I learned that her name was Dahlia (which I obviously complimented) and that he was Austin. She said she was a huge fan and apologized for looking bad, but I just told her that she looked beautiful, because she did. She was almost in tears as we ended our talk, and once the call was over, I asked the guy to write her username on something so I could shoot her a message later. His eyes widened as he wrote it down on a random piece of paper he had, and said that it meant the world to him that I cared, and that the only reason he came here instead of staying with her was because she forced him to, with the job of recording as much as he could. With a pout, I gave him a hug, whispering in his ear that I may be able to get my hands on future tickets for them, but he has to keep it a secret, to which he nodded with his eyes wide and the brightest smile on his face. I need to do this more.

I spent a good twenty more minutes chatting with fans, becoming close with a few more of them, before having to head back inside, not wanting to force the security guards to deal with too much. I thanked everyone in security who was there for everything they did, between this and dealing with the crazy crowds during shows. They all responded in their own stoic way, wanting to keep their tough persona. But one asked for a picture, saying his wife was a fan, which warmed my heart. After that, I headed back to the boys. 

Once I reached everyone, I saw that the other group had shown up while I was gone, so I said my greetings before sitting down and waiting for soundcheck. Matt usually worked with crew during this time, only occasionally popping in if he had the chance, and the rest of the guys just did whatever, generally acting like idiots until we had to get to business. Cam and I started doing our warmups on the bus; that way, in case we were ever late to a show (like we were a few days back because of an accident on the road), we wouldn’t waste any time. So all I really did now was play on my phone or help out crew if they let me. 

I pulled out the piece of paper, opening my phone, and typing Dahlia’s username into Instagram. I didn’t follow her just yet, wanting to get my secret message across first so she didn’t freak out when she saw the follow.

Y/N- Hi, love! Before I say anything, I just wanna let you know that what I’m doing is slightly forbidden ;) So if we could keep this between us, that would be great❤️ Austin gave me your user and I just thought you were so sweet and I felt so bad that you couldn’t make it so I wanted to know if there was another show you could possibly make it to. Hell, I’ll even buy plane tickets if I have to. 

She almost instantly read it, and I waited for a response. It took a few minutes, as she was probably freaking out a little bit, but I finally saw that she sent a message.

Dahlia- Stop I think I might cry. You really don’t have to do this. I can just catch you guys the next time you come out here. 

Y/N- Oh stop❤️ Pick a show sometime in the future where you’ll be available and healthy. I’ll get you two tickets, unless you want to bring more, and anything else you need.

Dahlia- Two is enough!! If someone wants to join me, I’ll just kick Austin out of the plans since he’s the lucky one who gets to see you today. 

Y/N- 😂 If you say so. Look over the tour dates and let me know the perfect date for you, and I got you covered, okay?

After some reassurance that it was indeed not a big deal, she eventually decided on one of our shows in a few days since it was a drivable distance. I worried that she might not be feeling better by then, but she let me know she was already feeling better, she just didn’t want to risk spreading anything. I asked once more if she needed anything, like a hotel room, but she assured that she could cover everything else and that she felt that I was doing enough by getting her these tickets. After chatting for a while, I noticed that it was almost time for soundcheck, so I told her to rest and thank Austin for getting videos tonight. 

I felt eyes on me as I put my phone away, looking up to see Noah staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite distinguish. Then I realized that I had a big smile on my face as I was texting, and he probably immediately got jealous since that was his favorite thing to do now. I ignored him and stood up, walking past everyone and down to where I assumed Matt would be. Once I saw that signature long hair and cap, I walked over with a smile on my face. 

“Hey Matty, are you busy?” I asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible, holding my hands in front of me so he couldn’t say no to me. He turned to me and smiled but then eyed me suspiciously. 

“What do you have planned?” He already knew me too well.

“I was wondering…If we had any tickets and backstage passes left for the show on the 29th?” I tried not to break from the sweet persona I put on. I did this anytime I wanted him to grab me water or take me for ice cream late at night, and he could never say no.

He rolled his eyes playfully, not actually annoyed, just pretending like he hated that I was giving him extra work to do.

“I guess I’ll check. What for?” 

“Well, I went out early and met a couple of fans, and one of them was this guy who was forced to come alone because his girlfriend was sick. She and I ended up talking, and I just felt so bad because she really wanted to come but didn’t want to spread anything, so I wanted to buy them future tickets and passes. She was so sweet, Matt. I just felt so bad,” I pouted as I finished speaking. He groaned. 

“God, you’re too nice, dude. Okay. I’ll check when I get the chance. We usually always have extra tickets just in case one of us needs them, but I have to see if they’re still available and if that’s even a date where we’re doing a meet and greet.” He jokingly looked at me like I was evil for being nice, making me laugh. 

“So, I may or may not have convinced her to pick a date that had a meet and greet after without telling her…so I did one of the jobs for you!” I said with a cheeky smile, making him shake his head, chuckling. 

“Alright, then we’ll talk later about the tickets, now go before you’re late for soundcheck,” He commanded as he shooed me away. I gave him a quick side hug before turning to head backstage.

I was maybe a little too giddy about the whole situation, so I skipped with a giant smile as I went back. I got a few looks from the guys when I entered the room, but I ignored them as I sat back down on the couch, probably looking a little insane as I giggled to myself while waiting for soundcheck.

The show was super fun. I was in a good mood the whole time and made sure to show it. I saw Austin in the crowd, and even though I felt a little bad for everyone else since I may be favoring them a little too much today, I let him pick our cover song. He said that he loved the Lorna Shore cover that I did, so he asked if I could do another. Thankfully, the boys had been practicing a lot since that day, convincing me that maybe we could upload a real cover of one of their songs somewhere in the future. They all really enjoyed ‘Sun//Eater,’ so they mainly practiced it. We obviously didn’t have a rhythm guitarist and had only been practicing for a week, so we got the crew to play the instrumental as we all performed the song, wanting to give the crowd a full experience. Everyone went crazy once again. Sadly, Tony and Cam were too busy playing to be able to control the crowd again, but everyone still had an amazing time. 

Everyone was now back on the busses. We didn’t have to leave for a few hours, so most of the boys were hanging out on the Bad Omen’s bus. Jolly came by a few minutes ago, asking if I wanted to join a few of them as they ran to the store, apparently stealing Matt’s van to do so. I said ‘no,’ not knowing who exactly was going (and not wanting to ask) and also because I was once again enjoying the privacy I had as everyone else was hanging out somewhere else. 

I had my laptop playing Adventure Time in the background as I played on my phone. I liked playing games like solitaire or sudoku when I had the chance, it being nice to exercise the mind while entertaining myself at the same time. Then, I heard footsteps walking up the bus stairs, making me snap my focus to whoever it was. Matt sauntered into view with a smile on his face. 

“Two tickets for the 29th secured,” he said, handing them over to me. I gave him a wide smile. 

“Were there no backstage passes?” I asked, a little worried.

“No, there were, but you owe me something in exchange.” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“And what would that be?” 

“Join me on a ride to pick up some candy,” He responded with a childish grin. 

“I would..but Jolly stole your van.” His face immediately fell as he let out a loud groan before laughing.

“That asshole!” He trudged over and plopped down onto the couch next to me. 

“Cam definitely has a stash around here somewhere,” I giggled out. He turned to me with puppy dog eyes, making me laugh more as I stood.

I looked through Cam’s stuff for a few minutes, checking all his hiding spots, before finding a stash of sweets hidden under all his clothes in his suitcase. I returned to Matt, handing them to him, before sitting back down. He gave me a giddy smile as he began opening up a bag of Sour Patch Kids. I laughed as he shoved his face before going back on my phone. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, me playing on my phone and him watching the show as he packed his mouth full of candy. 

“So, I have to ask,” He said, mouth slightly full, breaking my attention from my game, “What’s your plan with all this shit with Noah?”

“Well, I’m still upset, and it’s honestly been really easy to ignore him and piss him off by ignoring him, so…” I trailed off with a smirk on my face.

“So you’re gonna keep pissing him off til he apologizes.” He laughs.

“Bingo.”

“Y/N, how do you expect him to even want to apologize when all you’re doing is making him mad?” I give him a smirk.

“By looking hot all the time,” I responded with a wink. His head dropped back with a loud laugh. 

“I mean, you got me there.” He shook his head in disbelief as I giggled. 

“It’ll be okay, though. The last thing I need right now is a relationship. I’m on my first tour with a major band. I’m gonna be working on my vocals more. I’m gonna try to meet more fans. I’m making memories with everyone that truly matters to me. Hell, this is the first time in years that I haven’t been actively yearning over someone! Tommy told me that I needed to live a little, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” I rambled. Matt nodded as I spoke, giving me a proud look. 

“Maybe I need to be a slut for a little while! I went so long without sex, that now that I got that under my belt, I feel so good about myself!” I finished. Matt loudly snorted before he dropped his head into his hands, laughing. 

“I mean, no one’s holding you back. If you truly want to focus on yourself, you get to decide what’s best for you. So fuck it, have some fun.” He said, still laughing, making me giggle with him. 

“Thank you for supporting my bad decisions, it means a lot,” I giggle out, patting his shoulder.

The next few days went well. I was thriving in my new headspace. The confidence flowed into every performance I did. I continued to sneak out and meet fans if I had the chance. I was constantly getting tagged in pictures online, either from the fans themselves or story outlets talking about me and the new energy I was giving off. And I looked good in every photo. There was even a little thought in the back of my head, saying that this was the perfect payback since I spent so long seeing Noah all over these pages. 

Since it was the 29th, our last show before the break, I decided to go a little extra and put together a costume. Well, more like throwing together my usual clothes and just adding clown makeup. I had a cute ruffled dress on and just tossed on some ruffled socks underneath a pair of boots. I didn’t think of doing this until last night, so it wasn’t like I could stop anywhere for extra clown accessories. As wild as I dress, you’d think I would maybe have some, but sadly, I did not. 

I put extra effort into my makeup and hair, though, really wanting to pull the look together. It was nothing special, but I needed it to look as clownish as possible. I even teased my hair and split it into pigtails. Personally, I looked like a hot clown, and that’s all that mattered.

We were now at the arena, and I was sitting in the back, texting Dahlia. We’ve been chatting over the past few days and I honestly couldn’t wait to finally meet her. I told her to let me know when she was here and that I would meet up with her to give her the tickets. I finally got a “pulling up now” text and giggled, standing up.

“Dude, your laugh is even creepier when you’re dressed like that,” Ruffilo said from across the room. I turned to him and laughed before giving him my creepiest smile, it being extended by the overdrawn smile I did. His face, along with Jolly, who was now watching, contorted into a look of humored terror, making me giggle more. 

Once again overly excited, I skipped to one of the side doors of the building and walked out, wanting to tell security that they were allowed. I texted Dahlia the directions and waited until I could see her and Austin walk into view. Then, I remembered something.

Y/N- Oh, just warning you. I look like a clown. 

I see her looking down at her phone and laugh before typing a response.

Dahlia- I bet you look fantastic.

Austin finally sees me and taps her to get her attention. They both see me and laugh as they try to close the distance faster. 

“You weren’t kidding! You actually look like a clown,” She said before turning to Austin and hitting his shoulder, “ I told you I should’ve dressed up.” 

I laugh and give her a hug, trying my best to not get any makeup on her, and then turn and give Austin a side hug, telling him that I was happy to see him again. 

“I’m so happy to finally meet you! I was worried that you wouldn’t wanna come!” I said.

“Meet me? Shut up, I cried when you texted me! And now here I am, talking to you!” I sheepishly waved her off, smiling. 

“Oh yeah, take these before I forget.” I hand her the two tickets and backstage passes. She smiles as she looks at them, but when she hands Austin his ticket, her eyes land on the passes, and she stares up at me in disbelief. 

“Nuh uh! Dude! You didn’t have to!” She exclaimed. Austin peaked over, trying to see what she was freaking out over, and once he saw the passes, he gave me the same shocked face, making me giggle. 

“Show these to security after the show, and you can come hang out with us backstage. We still had a lot left, so you may be the only ones.” They looked at me with the widest, most shocked smiles before giving me a big hug. I laughed and hugged them back. 

“What the fuck! You really didn’t have to do this!” Austin exclaimed. 

“Of course I did. You two are some of the sweetest people I’ve met, and I would be so sad if I couldn’t spend time with you after all of this.” I look over at Dahlia, and she had tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh no! Don’t! Your makeup is too cute to ruin.” I say with a pout, moving to hold her face.

“This is just so sweet of you. Last week, I was hunched over a toilet, feeling like death, and now I’m about to meet Praising Deities.” She sniffled as she spoke, and I choked out a dry sob.

“So let today be a good day for you! No more tears. Go enjoy the music, and then come around, and we can hang out for a while. And remember, we’re nothing special, so don’t overthink it, okay?” She nodded, hooking a finger to try to wipe an eye without ruining her makeup.

I gave her and Austin one last hug before telling them to get in line and that I’ll see them soon. We split to go our separate ways, and I returned to the group. I hadn’t told anyone other than Matt that I was doing this, so I rounded up my band to let them know what was happening.

“Okay, so two very special fans are gonna come see us after the show, and I need you boys on your best behavior. Actually, just be you. I don’t want you guys putting on some weird celebrity personas because I want these two to feel as comfortable as possible, okay?” I told the three boys. They gave me a confused look but nodded anyway. Tony asked why they were so special, so I just explained the story to them, and they all immediately understood. They were sweet boys, so they started talking about things they could do to make this a fun night, and I couldn’t help but smile. 

We had just finished most of our set. Some of the crowd also dressed up for the holiday, so I really enjoyed connecting with them, calling them by their costumes, letting them know that I saw and appreciated the effort. 

It was now time for the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. I truly loved doing these. The boys and I have practiced so many songs over the years, all of us having such a broad music taste, so it was rare that someone picked a song that we didn’t already have perfected. They usually chose popular rock or metal songs, with someone occasionally trying to catch us by choosing a more pop song, but most of the time, we had it in the bag. 

Tonight, since Dahlia and Austin were super close to the stage, I gave it to them again. I know. I was being biased again, but after talking with Dahlia the past few days, I knew she had an amazing taste in music, and I really wanted to see what she would pick. 

I talked to the crowd for a minute, explaining what was happening, just in case they didn’t know. They all cheered like usual, hearing that we were going to perform something fun. My eyes landed on Dahlia, and I smirked. I walked towards the side of the stage she was in front of and crouched down. 

“You, pretty lady. What song should we sing tonight?” I asked. She looked at me shocked and Austin just chuckled next to her. She thought for a moment before walking closer to the stage, so I held the mic out for her to speak into. 

“I’ve always wanted to hear ‘End of Time’ live, but since it’s an old song of yours, you never played it.” I looked at her a little shocked. This might’ve been the first time someone asked us to play one of our own songs during this part of the show. I brought the mic back to my lips. 

“Wow. I haven’t played that song in so long. Honestly, that’s an amazing choice.” I stood back up and moved back to center stage and put the mic back in the stand before speaking again. 

“So, who’s all excited to hear an old song of ours?” I shouted towards the crowd. They all cheered back, making me smile. Who knows if they actually know the song and are just cheering for the fun of it, or if any actually wanted to hear this? I looked back at my band and saw that they either had shocked or excited faces. 

“You ready, boys? You still remember how to play this?” I asked them through the mic. I watched as Tommy looked over his guitar as if working the chords back into his memory. Cam was the most excited, always loving our classics from when we formed the band, and Tony just looked happy to be there, like he always did. 

Tommy starts us off. We didn’t have any backup vocals to play so I just stood a little far from the mic to hum the beginning. Then, Cam came in right on time. I swear he could store any song and its timing in his head, always playing it perfectly. Tony joined in when he got the hang of it again, and it truly brought back so many memories of playing this on dingy little stages at random venues. With a bright smile, I started singing.

You’ve built your life

Above the sin

You hold my hand

Before the end comes

The crowd was going wild, singing along. Holy fuck, they actually knew the words. I did my best to keep my composure, but I truly couldn’t hold back my smile as I sang along with everyone. 

‘Cause I belong to you

‘Cause I am part of you

I am dying in your arms

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

Tony steps towards his mic to sing his part. I look back and officially lose any restraint. This brought back memories I didn’t even know I held. Practicing in Cam’s garage. Us learning that Tony actually had an amazing voice and that we needed to add it in as much as possible. The excitement when we first perfected our own song. My lip quivered as I fought back tears.

I’ve come to realize 

Tonight my dear

The end of time

Is not so far away

We cannot pray 

To save our lives

I looked back at the crowd as he sang and felt the tears finally well up in my eyes. The faces I could see were all singing along with him. I’ve never gotten to see so many people sing this song. And they all sang along with him. Tony told us that playing and singing at the same time was a struggle, so we stopped adding solo parts for him. However, watching all these people join in with him made me realize that I didn’t care. I needed all my boys to join me in future songs. 

I sang a few more lines, keeping my voice as still as possible, not letting too much emotion flow through. I look over at Dahlia and Austin and see them singing their hearts out, looking into each other’s eyes with the utmost love as they serenade each other. She requested their song. This song was their love song. 

Tony joined in again as we sang a few lines and I could no longer hold back the tears. 

As I belong to you

My flesh and blood in you

I am burning in this fire

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

I was a bawling clown on a stage in front of thousands of people as I finished the song. I did my best to hold back from my voice quivering, but it didn’t help much. Once it was over, I had to turn away from the crowd to try and collect myself as they all cheered. I tried my hardest to control my breathing and ugly crying face before turning back around. 

“You guys..” I started, a pout forming on my lips, “ We haven’t performed that song since we played at crappy little stages in New York when we decided that we wanted to pursue music together.” I had to stop and choke back a sob. 

“I didn’t realize how many memories singing that would bring me. That whole time, all I saw in my head was a montage of the four of us practicing in Cam’s crappy little garage.” I heard Cam shout an offended ‘Hey!’ making me laugh out a sob.

“And to see all of you singing it. Dude. You guys knew the lyrics! I watched so many of you sing along to Tony’s part, and I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. And now I’m standing here, in front of so many of you, sobbing in a clown costume!” This made a lot of them laugh, but I saw a few people wiping their eyes, feeling the emotion I was pouring out in my speech. 

“Fuck, let me settle down and we can finish this, okay?” And they all cheered in response. 

I had just finished wiping off the makeup that had been ruined by my crying. The boys and I had an emotional chat after we got off stage, reminiscing on everything and discussing how to bring that love back into our future music. We may all have shed a few more tears, but after a big group hug, we went and got ready to meet some fans as the other band performed their set.

I had gotten a text from Dahlia earlier, apologizing for making me emotional, but I immediately shut it down and thanked her profusely for helping bring back so much nostalgia. 

We were now waiting for the other group to get ready for the small meet and greet. I had changed my outfit earlier, being so emotional making me want to be a little comfier. I still wanted to look good since fans might’ve wanted to take pictures, so I threw in a cute tank top with my cardigan over it and some shorts and fixed my makeup, putting on something more normal, so I wasn’t sitting here looking like a sad clown as I spoke with everyone. 

Matt led a few fans through once everyone came out, changed, and refreshed. They decided to do this in groups to make it easier on us, and I made sure to tell Matt to put Dahlia and Austin in the last group. 

The eight of us talked to a bunch of fans, signing anything they asked and taking a bunch of pictures. We chatted as much as we could, getting to share stories and answer any questions before the next group came through. This went on for a while, my hands getting a little tired from signing, but every new face that I saw, excited to meet me, made it all better. 

Finally, the last group was coming through, and I got a little too excited seeing Dahlia and Austin walk through the door. I did my best to stay in my spot and talk to the people that came before them, but once it was their turn, I squealed and pulled them both into a tight hug. 

“I missed you guys!” I confessed.

“You just saw us in the crowd an hour ago,” Austin laughed out.

“I don’t care. I was too excited to see you that I couldn’t wait any longer.” I said.

“I do have to say, I still am really sorry for requesting that song. I didn’t think it would be so emotional,” I just shook my head at Dahlia’s words.

“Watching the two of you sing along was enough of an apology as I need. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy you two love that song.” I gushed. Then I realized people were staring and remembered where I was. I turned to the group of boys in the room and rolled my eyes at myself, feeling dumb for forgetting. 

“Guys, this is Dahlia and Austin,” I introduced them, “Dahlia and Austin, this is guys!” I held my hand out like I was presenting something, making Dahlia laugh. 

They all introduced themselves personally, and I could see the two internally freaking out as they met everyone, and it was just adorable. Since they were the last two, I figured it was okay that they could stay for a while. 

We all hung out, chatting about anything that came to our minds. The couple told everyone how much they loved their music. We learned that Austin played the bass, so he, Tony, and Ruffilo hit it off pretty well. Dahlia and I chatted with Tommy about things other than music, with others pitching their opinions at points. Overall, they became acquainted very well. 

The boys started talking about wanting to finally head back to their house, so we decided to cut the night short. We found out that Dahlia, Austin, and I were all staying at the same hotel, so we agreed that I could ride with them. Tommy asked me many times if I was alright with him staying with the guys, and every single time, I responded that I wanted nothing more than a hotel room to myself. He eventually accepted my answer, and we started getting ready to head out. 

I grabbed all my shit from the tour bus that I needed for the week, apologizing to the couple for having so much stuff, but they repeatedly said that it was nothing, that they understood that I was quite literally living on a bus. Once I had all my important things in their car, I gave my boys a hug, telling them that I’ll text them that I was safe when I got there, I waved to the other group, and the three of us headed off to the hotel. 

Austin drove and Dahlia felt bad that I was stuck in the backseat by myself, so she sat with me. She was so sweet I couldn’t take it. I got to talk to Austin more, finally having the chance to speak to both of them privately, and it was really nice getting to know them and making new friends. At one point in the drive, Dahlia leaned over. 

“Okay, so this might not be my place to ask, and I’m so okay with you saying it’s private, but the gossip in me has to know because I was seeing some crazy signals tonight. What’s going on between you and Noah?” She whispered, almost like she didn’t want Austin to hear. I just laughed. 

“Honestly, I desperately needed a girl friend to gossip with, so I’m all for spilling the juicy deets as long as you both promise to keep it a secret.” She looked at me and immediately nodded, motioning like she was zipping her lips. 

We spent the rest of the ride gossiping. I told her almost everything that happened. I didn’t dive too deep into how long I liked him and the whole festival and magnetic attraction thing, but I told her how I had liked him for a while. I mentioned the ‘talk’ which made both of them laugh, I guess having been there before. Then I mentioned the night at the bar, to which they both gasped, and I just nodded. Austin helped give a lot of insight into what could be running through Noah’s head, which was nice. I never had anything against someone playing devil’s advocate, especially if it helps me gain perspective on a situation. But Dahlia took my side every step of the way, even saying some things Tommy had said, which made me laugh. I know it was dumb of me to talk to people I met not too long ago about such juicy things, especially them initially being fans of both of our bands. Hell, I was dumb enough to even get in their car, but something in me told me that I could trust them.

We finally reached the hotel and unloaded everything. Austin was a sweetheart and helped carry some of my stuff, which I greatly appreciated. We continued our chats as we got our rooms set up, none of us fully able to pay attention or stop laughing at something one of us said. I didn’t want the night to end, and apparently neither did they. As we were heading towards the elevator, Dahlia stopped and asked if I wanted to head to their hotel room and continue the night, to which I obviously agreed. God, if I were in a horror movie right now, I’d for sure be dead, but fuck it, I’m having fun, and I really enjoy talking to them. 

I told them that I was going to get all my stuff into my room and then I’d meet them at theirs, and that’s where I was now, sitting in their hotel room as we just cackled the night away. I had sneakily stopped at the front desk before heading to their room and got them to switch everything of theirs to my card, and ordered some sparkling wine to be sent up as room service. I just felt so bad; they had to get this hotel room last minute, it being the only option left that was close enough to the venue, and it was quite pricey. I already felt like I was intruding on what could’ve been a beautiful date for them, so I still wanted to make their night the best it could be. 

Room service eventually came with the wine, and they still didn’t catch on to what I had done, so I was leaving it to be a secret for the morning. We just sat around the room, sipping wine and talking about anything. Dahlia truly felt like the girl friend I always wanted. Hell, the one I needed. Tommy was an amazing friend, always there for me, and the best friend that I could ask for, but he was still a man. And that came with so many frustrations that wouldn’t happen with Dahlia. 

We learned so much about each other as the night went on and the drunker we got. I learned that they met at a concert in college, bonding over their music taste, and even while they were still friends, they made concerts their tradition to do together. They tried finding as many bands as they could, always wanting to expand their music taste, and that’s how they found Praising Deities when we were still a small band. Apparently, this was the first tour they could actually make it to since it was our largest one, and they were ecstatic that it was with another band they both liked. It’s crazy how life works out sometimes. 

I told them the band’s history and answered any other questions they had. Some were even super fangirly, but I would just laugh and answer anyway, knowing exactly how it was. I mean, the boys and I were literally touring with a band that we had been fans of for years, so it didn't affect me that I was becoming friends with people who were fans of me for years. 

I woke up and looked around the room, confused. I went to sit up and realized I had fallen asleep on a hotel chair. Looking around the room, I see Austin awake, on his phone, and Dahlia passed out next to him. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but it must have been late because Dahlia and I were up long after Austin fell asleep. 

I yawn and stretch, feeling a soreness in my neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position I was in. Austin looked over at me, and I just laughed out a ‘good morning,’ knowing I probably looked like a mess. 

“What time is it?” I quietly asked him, not wanting to wake Dahlia. 

“Almost ten. We should probably start packing up soon, but I figured you two stayed up late, so I was gonna wait for you two to wake up,” He replied, getting up to start getting everything ready. They really didn’t unpack last night, only to change into pajamas and brush their teeth. That’s when I realized I was still in my outfit from last night, which made me chuckle a little. 

I walked into their bathroom to make sure I looked sane. Thankfully, my makeup was practically unscathed, mainly because I redid so late last night and then slept on a goddamn chair, but my hair was a mess. I did what I could with my hands and a little water to smooth it out before heading back to where they were. 

Dahlia was now awake, and when we made eye contact, we just burst out laughing. The entire time we spent together was either talking or laughing, and it felt unbelievable to have such a good time. I felt like a normal human. I just had a sleepover with another girl, spending the whole night gossiping, giggling, and drinking. I don't want them to leave. But I do need to spend this break with a little time by myself, so maybe I can head down to see them sometime in the future because I’m really going to miss this.

“Okay, everything’s packed up. We cleaned up the mess we made last night. Uhhhh…” Dahlia trailed off, listing everything she had to do before they were ready to leave. All I could do was pout.

They had everything ready and I told them I’d walk them down, wanting to spend as much time with them as possible, but it was also so I could be there to see their faces when they realized I paid for it all. 

We all stepped out of the elevator and walked to the front desk. Austin started talking to the worker, making sure everything was together so they could check out. 

“And all of that is going onto the card of Y/N Y/L/N, correct?” The receptionist asked. Austin went to correct him but paused and turned to me with a stunned look on his face. I just giggled before answering for them.

“Yes, that’s the one.” The receptionist nodded, and I walked forward, giving them any information they needed. He handed me the paper with all the information on it, and I just handed it to Austin with a smile. They both had the most shocked look that I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“How did you..?” Dahlia started.

“Before I came to your room last night.”

“And all that champagne..” Austin continued.

“It was easier to get room service to your room if I just added my card to your room,” I shrugged like it was nothing.

“You little shit,” Dahlia said before pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back tight as I giggled. 

“You guys made yesterday such a good day for me, and I felt so bad for intruding on what should’ve been a cute date for you two, so I had to give you a gift in return.”

“But the tickets!” She said.

“Those ended up being free. So I knew I still had to do something.” 

“I swear if we get back home and there’s a new car or a goddamn pony in our driveway, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Austin joked. I just shook my head and laughed. 

“This is the end of my gifts for now. But I am really gonna miss you guys, so I’ll let you know when we have another break on tour, and I’ll make plans to come see you, okay?” They agreed, and we all hugged one last time. Then, I remembered something.

“Hold on. I need something to remember this.” I said. I walked over to the receptionist and sweetly asked him if he could take a picture of us, to which he happily agreed. I pulled the two of them away from their luggage and wrapped my arms around them, posing in front of the receptionist who held my phone, and we all smiled for the picture. I looked at them when I got my phone back and smiled. 

“I’m gonna send these to you. Gloat to your friends that you just became besties with a rockstar,” I joked to Dahlia. She laughed, and we all had one last group hug before I watched them walk out the hotel doors, waving until they were out of sight. 

I was now lying in bed, playing on my phone, and taking in the fact that I finally had privacy for the first time in forever. It was amazing. I had music playing on the T.V. on a low volume, humming along as I just soaked in the peace of not having to deal with giant man babies. 

Fuck. Now I was worried about my giant man babies. I assumed they had fun last night or all just passed out the second they got there. I wonder what they were doing today? The party wasn’t until tomorrow night. Shit, the party. Do I even want to go…? Okay, but if I don’t, I won’t see the boys for a few days because I know they're going to be hung over the next day. And the last thing I want to do is go over there just to hang out. It feels weird going to their house- Noah’s house. But the party would be different. There will be so many people that I’ll forget whose house I’m at..right? 

I don’t even have a good costume planned, and I love going all out for halloween. But do I even want to go? Should I go costume shopping just in case I make up my mind at the last minute? I let out a groan. Of course, my thoughts take over the first time I have peace and quiet. I roll over with a groan, pulling up messages and sending a text to Tommy. 

Y/N- Wanna go costume shopping with me?

I set my phone down and just lay there, waiting for a response. It took a few minutes, and, of course, I went back into overthinking everything, but eventually, my phone chimes, bringing me out of it. 

Tominic- Sorry love. We’re all playing a drinking game right now, and I am not in any way fit to be in the public eye.

Tominic- You could come and join us? We can go shopping tomorrow? 

Y/N- No, it’s okay. You have fun with everyone. I love you❤️ Keep yourself and the boys safe.

Tominic- love you too❤️ no promises!

I roll my eyes and giggle. Well, maybe I’m going to have to go alone. I started searching for places that sold last-minute costumes when I remembered Matt could be free. I quickly send him a text.

Y/N- Are you busy? Or can you join me to go costume shopping?

Within a minute, he responded.

Matty- Grabbing my keys now. I was watching over the guys just in case one of these idiots needed a hospital, but they know how to work a phone to call 911

I laughed at his text and stood up to start getting dressed. I showered earlier, so I just needed to change and maybe throw on some makeup. I texted Matt which hotel I was at and quickly tossed on a comfy shirt and shorts. I did light makeup, pulled my hair up, grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed downstairs to wait for him.

I just finished getting ready. I have to head over to the boys’ house early to do Matt’s makeup after I spent the entire shopping trip yesterday having to convince him to even dress up. He finally agreed after we bickered for an hour, once I asked if I could at least just do some simple makeup, but he still hasn’t told me what he wanted to go as. 

I felt so good. There was almost nothing in that ransacked Spirit Halloween when Matt and I went yesterday, but I managed to find a Ghost Face mask and immediately knew what I could do. Smoothing my dress out one last time, I decided to post a picture of my costume, wanting to show off how good I looked.

I grabbed my phone, wallet, and makeup bag and removed my mask to hold it before heading down to wait for my Uber. 

Part Six

[willyismybicycle]

Title: stay with my tonight, I'll be your alibi (Part 7 of the earth, the sky, the sea) >> AO3 Link Rating: Explicit Pairing: Auston Matthews/William Nylander, William Nylander/Kyle Dubas Tags: POV Alternating,complicated relationships, Willy dealing some angst

Summary:

They play Pittsburgh - they play Kyle Dubas. Willy deals with the aftermath of feeling like he's being forgotten.

They haven’t talked. 

There’s a lot of things that they should probably talk about, like does Auston want all the sweaters he keeps leaving here? But then he thinks about Auston meticulously packing up his stuff around the apartment and he drops that thought immediately. 

It’s stupid. He’s the one that walked away, but he slips on one of those sweaters now, tucks his nose into the collar. 

He cleans his apartment. He can’t bring himself to pack anything of Auston’s away, but he can at least turn the photographs so it doesn’t feel like Auston’s watching him have his pathetic post-breakup meltdown. Or whatever. 

He hasn’t had to do this before. Before Auston, there was Kyle and despite their back and forth, that relationship just came to a natural end. And then Kyle left. 

Will wasn’t — isn’t — the type of person who can do long distance for the majority of the year. He needs to be touched and held and told he’s loved face to face. 

He misses Auston so much already it aches but he knows it was for the best. 

═══

Auston doesn’t know what he’s supposed to think, or say, or do. He’s just been staring at the last messages between him and Will.

It was all so normal. 

═══

Will tries not to react when Mitch turns away before he’s even done speaking. Fine. Fuck you, too. 

He settles himself — that’s now what he thinks about Mitch. He just doesn’t like what this is doing to him. Doesn’t like that it makes him bitter and unfocused, doesn’t like that it makes him love the game less. 

Doesn’t like that it makes him want to fucking himself headfirst into the incoming traffic of his emotions.

Don’t do it. Don’t do it.

He does it anyway. 

“Willy?” 

“Hey. Do you wanna meet me in an hour?”

═══

The air in his lungs just vanishes. Not exhaled, not stolen in some romantic manner. Just gone. 

He tries not to feel anything. At all. 

He fails. 

“Hi Willy,” Kyle says, his voice soft and soothing. 

“Hey,” he responds, stepping back so Kyle can enter. 

“I was surprised to see you call.”

“Uh, yeah, I’m —” What was he? Sad? It seems more complicated than that. “I just — wanted to see if you were okay.”

“Of course. Always am.” Kyle gives him a small smile — but it’s tired. So fucking tired. 

Willy feels for him, really, because he knows it’s not okay. It never is. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he says. It comes out softer than intended. It sounds too much like he cares. 

And he does. He wants Kyle to be happy, he wants Kyle to have everything that Kyle deserves and has worked for. 

He wants Kyle to win. Just not tonight, and somehow, that makes him feel guilty. It shouldn't, but it does. 

Kyle shrugs. “It’s the game. You know how it is.”

That’s as close to I’m not okay as Kyle will ever get, he supposes. Pablo shoves his face between Will’s legs to look up at Kyle.

“Yeah, but —” he pauses as he watches Kyle take his jacket off. Kyle looks good. “But it still… sucks.”

Yeah, he’s super articulate tonight. 

Banksy pushes past both of them to try and jump on Kyle. He should probably stop that, but Kyle’s smiling down and cooing Banky’s name and Will’s going to lose his whole ass mind. 

“Drink?” He offers instead, trying not to tune his hearing into every step and every breath Kyle takes. 

“Just water‘s fine.”

It feels a lot like their last conversation. 

“How is everything?” Kyle asks, and well, isn’t that a loaded fucking question. 

“Fine,” he says, even though it’s so far from the truth. 

And of course Kyle knows. Neither of them let go of the bottle as Will goes to hand it over. His fingertips are cold from the water, but Kyle’s hand feels like a bonfire, warm and enticing.

“Willy.” 

He lets go. Kyle lets go. 

The water bottle drops with a dull thud. And then Kyle’s holding him. 

His first inhale feels like he’s underwater, and he chokes it back out, all the anger and sadness inside of him just pouring out of him. 

“I’ve got you, baby, I’ve got you.” 

And he does. Kyle does have him, arms strong and unmoving around Will’s heaving shoulders. 

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” Kyle continues. “Just let it out.” 

So he does. 

═══

“Do you want…”

“Yes,” Will responds, cutting off the rest of the sentence. 

“Are you sure, baby? I mean — Auston?”

He huffs at the name. “Fuck Auston,” he says bitterly, trying to pretend like he isn’t wearing one of Auston’s shirts right now.  

Kyle’s eyebrow arches, but he doesn’t push. He doesn’t make Will feel stupid about it, he just pushes closer and closer until the two of them are tumbling onto the couch. 

“Please, Kyle, I —”

“Gotta get outta your head. I know, baby.” 

“Just — please.” His eyes burn with the embarrassment of it all — of breaking down in front of his ex, who he’s supposed to show that everything’s fine. But instead he’s almost hyperventilating as he asks for some form of salvation. 

═══

He forgets about Auston, for a second. He forgets everything, really. 

His own name. Where he is. What he’s doing. 

Kyle blows him so good he nearly blacks out. Then he fucks Will’s face like he’s not about to be one of the highest paid players in the league. 

Kyle fucks him like he’s nothing, because he asks for it and wants it — because he feels like it. 

Kyle fucks him until he cries. He doesn’t safe word. Kyle stops anyway.  

He tells Kyle it’s best he doesn’t stay the night. Kyle stays anyway. 

There’s a text from Auston when they go to sleep — miss you — but Kyle’s arms are warm and Kyle’s heart beats steady against Will’s back. 

Kyle’s here. 

So fuck Auston and his stupid text. 

Look at me, I’m fine without you.

[dragonsapphic]

cw: drugs / psychedelics

Probably gonna be a long post. Wanted to go over my three experiences using psychedelic mushrooms so far! 🍄💖

🔴 My first trip (little less than 2g) started off a bit uncomfortable, with this sort of rocking back and forth motion like I'm on a boat. I knew from having used weed heavily that I should "give in" to this feeling, so I kinda just closed my eyes and relaxed and tried to allow it to take me. I was sitting there convinced for awhile that I was going to vomit, but that didn't happen.

Once the sickness feeling passed, I was a bit antsy to do something so I decided to play some Overwatch 2. People being trolls or angry didn't really affect me as much as usual, and I kinda just tried to chat and spread good vibes. Eventually I noticed the game looked super "spread out," like the distance between everything seemed much longer than normal. My characters' hands in view felt the same.

That's about when colors started looking REALLY vivid and awesome. I stopped the game and started really enjoying looking at colorful things, like a rainbow worm thing, and a trippy canvas piece I have of my OC, which I discovered is really reactive under a UV light. I became VERY appreciative of art and spent a lot of time just admiring my enamel pin collection or other art pieces. I watched the "Shrimplicity" channel on YouTube, which is just a video of some shrimps with LoFi music... Pretty good.

Spent some time being very introspective, examining myself and the way I respond to things. I felt genuinely bad for people who spend their time getting mad at games and not having the chance to examine themselves like this, but in a calm and accepting way. Overall it felt like a literal vacation from my own mind and physical form, and it seemed to last much longer than it actually did, perhaps even days.

🔴 My second trip wasn't as long or interesting. It was about a week later, I took 2g. I tried taking a bath while tripping and discovered I just did not like it; the water just felt cold to me no matter what, and I felt bored and not particularly interested in anything. I mostly just watched a video of some squids and smoked a bit of weed. It was calm and nice, but also mellow and largely uneventful. I felt in one key moment that the mushrooms "assured me" it would be okay to try tripping again whenever I'd like.

🔴 Third trip, I took 3g. This was only a few days after the previous trip, certainly not ideal, but I trusted the feeling I had when I felt the mushrooms assure me I could try again. Oh my God. I got so high. I wasn't only seeing colors vividly, but shifting colors dramatically, so everything colorful just seemed to have a lazy RGB filter applied to it. There were other texture-y filtures over my vision at times as well.

I had the overwhelmingly strong feeling that there was some kind of entity with me-- the mushroom entity I guess, almost like a god. I really did grasp the concept of religion more than I ever had at this point. The mushroom entity had answers to questions for me that I should not have had the answer to for myself. It seemed to want to look after me, to care for me and make sure I didn't feel alone. I felt very highly sensitive to any touch, as well as the emotions of others. I watched this random driving footage in different cities and I felt like I was looking at buildings for the first time in a totally different mentality, it was pretty wild.

I stayed high for quite awhile and spend a looong time talking with my s/o about different philosophies and worldviews, going from one topic to the next quite quickly if I decided I didn't want to talk about something anymore. It was a really freeing feeling.

Unfortunately I needed to go to sleep for work at this point and was still much more high than I'd expected to get. I tried laying down but closing my eyes was comical; I would clearly see all kinds of random kaleidoscope trippy shit clear in my vision. I had some ambiance playing and it ticked me off. The fan blowing ticked me off. Eventually my s/o had to sleep somewhere else because I just was not going to get to sleep with any sounds in the room at all.

Next day I felt normal. Overall though, REALLY enjoying the experience so far. It's been interesting for me because I have a lot of wildly mysterious shit locked in my psyche and this allows me to explore it and other concepts in such a new way.

Nice job reading all that lol.

[hrtiu]

i couldn’t find anything written for these two online so i thought i’d give it a shot! this is katy x shang-chi. what should their ship name be? i vote for shaunty. continue if you love friends-to-lovers 🥰

For Katy, the weirdest part about coming home after nearly dying and saving the world from a soul-sucking monster was realizing that she needed to find a new job.

“You could always apply to be an archery instructor at that place in Golden Gate Park,” Shaun said, looking over her shoulder at her laptop.

“Yeah, I don’t think my three days of experience will look very good on the resume,” Katy said, balancing the laptop on her thighs as she sat cross-legged on his bed.

“You could always put, ‘fired the shot that saved the universe,’” Shaun said. He leaned just a little too far into Katy’s space for comfort. “What should matter are results, right?”

“Ha ha,” Katy said, her throat suddenly dry. She didn’t bother to tell him she’d already inquired with the place and they weren’t hiring.

It had been like this since they’d gotten back from Ta Lo. Just… a little off. How was she supposed to act around her friend after going through an experience like this? How was she supposed to act after discovering a whole new side to someone she’d thought she knew so well? How was she supposed to breathe around Shaun now that she knew what he looked like with his shirt off?

Katy caught Shaun’s eye in the mirror of her laptop screen and swallowed, slamming the laptop shut before she or it combusted. It was all getting to be a bit much.

“Is everything alright?” Shaun asked from somewhere behind her.

Katy nodded, Shaun’s garage studio suddenly stifling despite the constant San Francisco temperature of 60 degrees outside. “Yeah, I’m just… I think I’ll maybe look again tomorrow.”

Shaun moved around the back of his bed and sat next to Katy, his thigh touching her knee. “Come on, Katy. What’s up? It couldn’t possibly be any weirder than the stuff I’ve told you recently.”

“Plenty of room at the Hotel California…” Katy started humming, her hand tapping against her leg in time to the music.

Shaun grabbed her hand and tugged, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Come on, you know that only works on idiots.”

“Well then it should have worked on you.”

Shaun frowned, then rested his other hand on top of the one he was already holding, his thumb sliding soothingly back and forth across her skin. “Seriously, Katy. Are you alright?”

Katy bit her lip and looked down at their connected hands. “It’s this!” she burst out, jerking her chin towards their hands. “Since when did we do this?”

Shaun let go of her hand and scooted away immediately, leaving a good foot of distance between them on the bed. Hurt lit his eyes. “Maybe since we almost died together?” he said defensively. “But you could have just told me you were uncomfortable. I won’t do it again.”

“No, wait. Shaun!” Katy fumbled over her words. “It’s not uncomfortable, really. Or well, it is, but it’s not a bad kind of uncomfortable. It’s just weird because I’ve never felt awkward around you before. But now I do and I don’t know what to do about it or what’s changed or even if you’ve noticed it or not.”

“You feel awkward around me?”

“Yeah! And you seem totally fine which is… great for me,” Katy said, her neck heating. This sucked. She hoped she’d be able to get over this soon so she could go back to singing karaoke late into the night without worrying if she was going to make a pass at him when she was drunk.

“I’m fine because it’s you!” he said. “I’ve known you for forever! What am I doing that’s making you uncomfortable, because I can stop.”

Katy cast a sidelong glance at him, her eyes tracing up the exquisitely-defined muscles of his forearms. I wonder if I could get him to take his shirt off again, she thought longingly. “You could eat a few Ho Hos with a side of pizza, I guess.”

His forehead crinkled in confusion, which drew attention to his eyes, which then led her down to his lips. Ok, maybe there was no leading going on, and Katy had just decided to look there herself.

“Look, normally I’m pretty good at interpreting Katy,” Shaun said, “But I think I might need a little help today.”

I could help you out of your clothes. Woah. That thought had better not come out of her mouth.

Katy jumped to her feet and turned from Shaun, her eyes struggling to find something else to focus on—anything else. “It’s fine, alright. I’m just being weird because I realized you’re hot and now it’s hard to stop thinking about it.”

“Woah! I’m hot?”

“Shut up, you know you are.” Katy moved over to the garage door and turned back to him, confident she could face him with some distance between them.

“No, I don’t! You used to call me shrimp cracker back in high school!”

“Yeah, well, all those shrimp decided to start swimming in the formation of an eight-pack on your torso, so…”

Shaun walked over to her, a grin spreading across his face. “All those times you made fun of me in gym class, and look at you now.”

He was getting too close, and Katy backed along the garage door away from him. “I’m glad you’re enjoying this.”

“Hey, I think I deserve to bask a little in your admiration,” Shaun said, still advancing on her with a smirk she knew was just teasing.

“Shut up, Shaun,” she said, taking one more step behind her.

Her foot caught on the backpack she’d tossed carelessly by the door, and just like that she was going down. Then Shaun grabbed her arm and pulled her to him, just barely managing to keep her from dropping like a bag of rice.

One of his hands gripped her wrist while the other wrapped around her waist, holding her flush against him. Her nose was only an inch or two from his, and she could see her own reflection in his eyes. She stopped breathing.

Shaun’s eyes widened, and his fingers twitched nervously at her waist. “Oh,” he said, voice quiet and surprised. “Yeah, this is weird.”

Katy’s heart dropped into her stomach, and it was only at that moment that she realized how far gone she already was. Well, that was that.

She dropped her eyes, but there was nowhere to look but him, so she fixed her gaze on the zipper of the coat he always wore.  There was a stain right around the hem. He should probably get a new coat now that he was important and all.

The hand holding her wrist dropped, and suddenly his warm palm was pressed against her cheek, lifting her head up. She looked back into his eyes and found a familiar warmth there. It was unquestioning friendship and loyalty. It was love.

“It’s a good thing I like weird,” he said. Then he leaned in and kissed her.

Katy wrapped her arms around him, pulling him harder against her and finally—finally—getting to feel those muscles. When she’d privately fantasized about this moment over the past few days, she’d always worried it might feel strange or wrong—like kissing her brother. But it turned out she’d worried for nothing. Shaun’s hands on her hips felt right, and his lips moved against her mouth in a way that made her knees week. No, this was definitely not like kissing her hot, super hero brother.

After a few minutes Shaun pulled away, his expression dazed but smiling. “Ok, I take it back,” he said. “Not weird at all.”

Katy smirked up at him. “I guess I wasn’t trying hard enough.” Her phone chimed her text alert and she jumped, nearly forgetting it was in her back pocket. “Oh, damn, I forgot I told mom I’d be home to help her restock.”

“I can come with,” Shaun said, his hand moving experimentally up and down her waist.

“Sure.” A thought occurred to Katy and she stopped typing mid-text to her mom. She looked up at Shaun, her eyes wide. “Shaun. Waipo is going to be so psyched.”

[lilith-of-rivia]

Chapter 1: The Meeting

Summary: Ina of Cintra the Lioness's firstborn daughter has been a well-kept secret. her title as princess never leaving the castle walls, her abilities, abnormalities not being uttered without the blessing of the queen. She has her entire life planned and guided so she doesn't break the Crown's rules. She has been an outstanding model of good behavior, that's until she meets a certain witcher.

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: Blood and gore, swearing, mentions of death

I

“Ma’am…” Knock, knock, knock. I had heard whoever it was coming to wake me up before they even got to my door.

“Yes?” I heard them hold their breath, they weren’t expecting me to be awake.

“Uh-uh yes ma’am, Druk is outside. He has sent for you.”

“Yes thank you. I’m awake.” I said as I rose from my bed. Folding at the hips my fingers gazed at the floor as I yawned in a stretch. My spins cracked along with my shoulders.

“Yes of course ma’am” There were no footsteps and the heartbeat was still there outside the door.

“You may leave now.”

“Right right, yes ma’am.” Scurried light footsteps filled the empty hall as they left.

With a heavy sigh, I contemplated the day I had ahead of myself. Mornings with Druk were never different. The day was was one full day of drills, day two was one different full day of drills than to day three, four, five, then repeat next week. Druk wasn’t like other witchers I had met. He wasn’t focused on the coin or glory. Maybe it’s because he saw his brothers and mentors be slaughtered when his Keep fell.

“Knock knock.” My eyes snapped to the door of my room, dragging attention away from the gauntlet on my. My mother stood at the door. She was still in her sleep clothes, a wool robe hugged her body as she smiled softly at me from the door.

“Morning mother,” I said looking back at my gauntlet, huffing in frustration as I struggled to get them tied.

Wordlessly my mother walked across the room, grabbing my arm as she sat in the chair across from the one I was in. her fingers delicately tied the strings tightly, the gauntlets tightening around my wrists. Once finished, she softly held one of my hands, her face was cold, stoic as always. But once she looked me in the eyes I saw the fear.

“You know, don’t you…” I nodded my head. Looking out the window of my room, breaking eye contact. I stood up walking from her to the armored cabinet in my room. I grabbed my two swords from their hooks looking over them and assessing their sharpness.

“I heard you and the court talking last night. Many in this castle forget I have super hearing.” I heard her sigh heavily, shakily.

“I’m so sorry, Ina…” I turned to her. Her gaze was on the floor, her chest rising and falling fast.

“Mum...don’t cry…” I crouched down by her side, my hands going to hers squeezing them. She looked back at me, one hand cupping my face. Her thumb softly brushed over the scar on my left cheek.

“I’m so sorry I brought you into this world...Into this life...I wish I had known your life would be so painful…” I leaned into her warm hand, my eyes closing as she spoke.

“Stop blaming yourself...everything happens for a reason...and no matter what happens after the meeting today...I will always love you.” Her hand moved from my face to my neck. She pulled me into her chest, hugging me tightly.

“I’m so sorry.” Hse sobbed into my hair, rocking us back and forth. I said nothing, just kept my arms around her, holding her while she sobbed. Her tears wetting the spot she laid on my shoulder.

“Don’t be…”

II

“You know princess, I do not normally wait. You are lucky the gold and wine your mother gives is so good.” Druk’s voice was below a whisper as we snuck through the damp dark woods. My hands felt the tree bark under us as we slowly tipped around the fallen trees, as to make as little noise as possible. Funny with Druk’s big mouth.

“My mother is very worried about the meeting tonight,” I whispered back, following him as he weaved in and around the thickly wooded forest. We were hot on the trails of a stray kikimore that had been terrorizing a southern village. Druk and I were sent to take care of it.

“Are you worried?” Druk asked, pausing to look back at me.

I stopped too for a moment, thinking about his question.

My eyes searched the forest around us while we sat in silence. The forest was no longer lush and green. Late Saovine meant the world was cold, covered in ice and snow. Nothing was awake. All the animals were in hibernation, birds had flown south for the winter. The only things still awake were the monsters.

“No. I’m not. Should I be?” Druk looks away from me, his amber eyes searching the forest around us.

“Tonight is the night a pannel of witchers, mages, and the royal court you belong to decide if you go through the trials...maybe a little of fear. It would be healthy.” I smirked and rolled my eyes.

“Fear isn’t necessary for my vocabulary.” Druk laughed softly, his head nodding as he looked me in the eyes again.

“Then don’t be afraid. Fuck em all. If any woman could survive the trials it’s you.” Once finished with his small sentiment, a cheesy grin spread across his face. He nodded his head in the direction of the kikimore and we both rook off after it again.

Our feet lept, ran, jumped, and sprinted across the fallen trees and rocks throughout the forest. The snow-covered ground would cause too much noise. Druk had gone to the Witcher school of the cat. He prides himself on his ability to remain stealthy and quiet, all while being just as lethal as witchers from other schools. He taught me to only put my feet on the ground when it really mattered. You’re much easier to be tracked and killed when you travel foot to the ground. But foot to a tree to rock is a different story.

Jumping from a rock onto a tree we scaled the side till we were above the tree line. Out heads stuck up and out of the dead branches. Our chests rising and falling heavily as we looked around, noses sniffing out the location of the kikimore. The high point giving us the advantage. Druk’s yellow eyes scanned the trees below while I sniffed the wind. He had better eyes than I. his mutations to thank for that. The wind blew softly and the thick smell of iron and rotting corpses seeped into my nostrils and filled my head.

“To the east,” I said quietly. Druk adjusted his direction eyes grazing the land elbow us. A small smirk graced his lips, he found it.

“It about four hundred yards northeast. Common princess no time to waste.” We quickly scaled our way down the tree till our feet were steady on the branches. He wasn’t wrong, we were already out way longer than we were intending. Meaning we were going to be late for the meeting.

Druk took the lead. His hand holding the hilt of his silver swords. His other hand out in front of him, his fingers gleaming with a soft blue tint. Aard was spoken in elder inaudible to the average human. He was prepared to blast the kikemore to give me more time to ambush it. Druk only ever took the lead, then he’d stand back and watch. He’d teach me a new skill by charging whatever beast. Whether it was a new sign manipulation, a new combat skill, or hell even how he wields his sword. He started, I’d then follow and clean up.

“Ready Ina?” There was a soft pop and a cork fell onto the ground below us with a soft thud. His head fell back the liquid pouring down his throat. He grimaced slightly before turning to me, his eyes were black as night, now white to be seen. The veins on his neck, face, and hands were dark black and bulging. The potion was vital for witchers, giving them heightened senses, and skills. Allowing their powers to increase.

“So fucking ready,” I said, a smile gracing my lips. He returned the smile, his more sinister with the help of his eyes.

My sword was in hand. The silver catching the few rays of sun peeking through the clouds above. We both moved silently through the brush. Out feet feather-light against the snow. We moved fast, never keeping pressure on one spot too long to not break the crust of the snow. Druk made it to the clearing first. The Kikimore was alerted to us as soon as we reached its small nest.

Druk’s hand thrust out in front of himself, a huge ball of blue light smacked into the kikimore, throwing it back and hard into the tree. Druk sheathed his sword and ducked behind me. The kikimore shook its head before it made eye contact with me. I crouched lower to the ground, eyeing the beast. It slowly started to move to its left, so I mimicked it. We slowly began circling one another. The Kikimore’s large gray limbs stabbed into the ground with every step. Its gross snarly face, red beady eyes looking me over, studying my every move. The only issue was I knew where and how it would be.

The kikimore pounced, its legs kicking up dirt as it tore after me. The short distance between us was gone in no time. I lunged out of the way. Diving and rolling away from the clumsy beast. I was much smaller, giving me an advantage.

“My my what an ugly fucker you are.” I mocked. The beast turned to me again, and let out a low grumbly growl. I was moving closer to its nest. I could smell the rotting bodies even worse as I moved slowly. My eyes never leaving the kikimore.

It charged again. I slashed my sword through the air, spinning around, splicing my sword up in the air. The kikimore squealed and screamed as its leg fell from its body. Spinning on my heels my sword slashed through the air again, making contact with its neck. The sword slashed through the beast’s thick, fat neck like butter. The screams stopped, the kikimore’s body falling limp on the ground, blood-spewing, and pooling on the ground and around my boots. I sighed heavily, a smile gracing my lips again as I whipped the dark black blood from my blade before sliding back into its sheath on my back.

Clap, clap, clap. “Very well done princess!! A full-grown warrior kikimore down in two strikes, no potions or magic!” Druk had a smile ear to ear, his potion still in effect. Seeing a laughing, happy smiling witcher with pure black eyes was a sight to see.

“Only as good as my mentor my dear friend,” I said with a laugh. Crouching to the ground, my hand gathering the small tuft of hair atop the kikimore’s head and lifted it so it was eye level with me. Blood dripped from its mouth, nose, and eyes. Its dark purple tongue hung out of its mangled mouth.

“Add another one to my list.”

III

“Common hurry Druk!!” I yelled through the rain as we ran up the cobblestone road towards the castle. The kikimore’s head swung over my shoulder. “We are already late they will have my head!!” Druk ran from the stables after me, quickly catching up with me right as I neared the doors.

The two guards opened them for us as we walked through. I breathed heavily, my lips blue as my teeth chattered. Despite my many abnormal traits I still got just as cold as the average human. The rain had come out of nowhere. The two of us speed walk down the corridor, our muddy boots squeaking against the marble floors as we got closer to the royal library. A place I’d only ever been when I was being threatened by the crown’s court. The doors appeared ahead of us as we both halted before we could be close enough to be heard. The floor below us was wet as we dripped head to toe.

Glancing at Druk I gulped, now that I was about to walk into the room, I was more than terrified. The prospect of the trials was so much closer than they had ever been my entire life. Druks hand went to my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You’ve got this.” He whispered, before giving me a soft push towards the door. I took a deep breath before shoving the door open, swallowing the fear and placing the stoic look of my mother back on my face.

The voices in the room stopped when I walked in. my boots stopping heavily on the floor. My eyes glanced around the room, everyone there were people I have known for many years. My mother stood in the center of the room by her throne, my sister who was not supposed to be here was next to her. They looked scared.

“Sorry, I’m late, had a prior arrangement.” I heaved the beast’s head over my shoulder and threw it on the floor. It flopped down and rolled a little its tongue falling out as its cold dead eyes stared up at Gadri, a member of the Crowns Court. His face scrunched in disgusts before he kicked it away from his shoes.

“You are nearly three hours late, Ina.” I rolled my eyes my attention going back to my mother and sister.

“What is she doing here?” I asked pointing to my sister.

“We think it’s important that the future queen gets to help make choices regarding her subjects.” Hazzez, a plump fat little man with a bald shiny head and large white mustache and beard said standing from his seat.

I huffed, the corner of my lip pulling into a sly smirk as I shook my head. Water falling on the floor.

“Yes, the future queen who passes her sister even tho her sister is the senior. Yes, and my sister needs to be in control of whether I will be subjected to the trials and if I’ll die or not.” Druks witcher attitude tended to rub off on me. Witchers are trained, to be honest, overly honest. Blunt and rude is what many present them as.

“Ina. enough.” my mother said sternly, her jaw tightening. I bite my tongue nodding my head. My fingers pulled at the buttons of my jacket, throwing it on the floor in a wet pile. The room was cold, making the wet clothes on my body send shivers down my spine.

I glanced around the room, eyeing the other members of the Crown’s Court. And then the other few people who were in the room. Tissaia, a mage from Aretuza smiled at me fondly as we made eye contact.

“Hello, princess, my how you’ve grown.” Her voice filled the empty room. I smiled back at her.

“Tissaia-” I bowed my head to her softly, “yes, it’s been a while hasn’t it? What 15 years?”

“17 years.” my mother chimed in behind me.

“Whos the mystery man next to you?” I asked her, she glanced over at the witcher who was perched next to her. Druk was seated next to him.

“Well get to that in a second. Please sit down.” Hazzez said, gesturing to a lone isolated chare in the middle of the room.

It was as if I was on trial, for simply being born.

IV

“Druk how has she been doing?” My mother asked, her eyes glaring daggers at the five men who were attempting to discredit the years of work and training I had done with Druk.

Durk rose from his seat next to the other witcher, a bored look on his face. “She is exceptional. Not only her physical talents in combat and swords but her book knowledge. I’ve trained three other witchers before her, and none of them come close to the skills she posses. She is a skilled alchemist, a skilled swordsman, she is skilled in nearly every talent she tries. I would trust her in a battle to have my back any day. It has been an honor training her for 15 years, your highness.” I smiled at him, a smirk covering his lips.

“With all due respect your highness we are not interested in what the witcher from a failed school has to say. The witcher to his right has been watching her and keeping track of her success. That’s who we care about.”

Before the witcher could address them, Tissaia stood up. “What is the problem here gentlemen. On her fifth birthday, you all made this a rule. You said her abnormalities would only ever benefit her if she was trained as an assassin or a witcher. She has been trained for 17 years by a witcher, as a witcher. She has proven time and time again she doesn’t need the trials and mutations to be as skilled as a witcher.”

“Thank you, Tissaia, but need I remind you that you are only here to as a stand-in for the mage in your court who can still perform the mutations. Please sit down and be quiet.” My mother shot Tissaia a look, making her shut her mouth and sit down. The witcher next to Druk stood up.

“I have been following her and her trainer. For months now. Even just today I followed them while they killed the stray Kikimore. She killed the Kikimore with two strikes something many of my boys have struggled with as fully mutated and trained witchers. She without a doubt has a talent and a heart of the witcher.” I heard my mother’s breath catch in her throat as she held my sister’s hand. My sister was stating at me, had been since I sat down. Her face was painfully still, her throat tight as she breathed heavily. She looked scared, so did my mother.

“Tissaia, you will take Ina to Kear Morhen. Along with the mages in your court. The mutations will be done by the end of the week.” My throat ran dry. Hazzez kept talking but my brain tuned him out. None of us thought they would go through with this. The chances of me surviving the trials and the mutations were nearly impossible. Less than 20% of the boys who face the trials died. And the mutations are designed for male genetics, not females. I was never supposed to be mutated, just trained.

“Hazzez you piece of shit!!” My mother screamed as she stood from her chair. Her hand reached for the dagger she kept strapped to her thigh.

Her hand came down quickly with the shinny dagger, flying towards Hazzez face. My hands quickly caught her arms and I pushed her back. Knowing if she killed one of her court members over me I would surely be sent away and killed, no chance of survival.

“Mother mother please stop it please,” I screamed into her red, tear-stained face as she attempted to fight me off. Her chest rose and fell heavily. She hissed through her gritted teeth, she was probably breaking teeth.

“Queen Calanthe-” Hazzez spoke. I turned to look at him, my back to my mother. Her dagger is in my hand. I threw it to the floor, kicking it away. “Do not forget the sympathy the crown, and your father gave you for your bastard daughter. She should have been killed out of the womb. But your father cared too much for you. Count your blessing that you got 20 years with her, and at least she will die with a little bit of dignity.” Hazzez stood up to leave, the four men ready to follow him, they gathered their belongings.

“Gentlemen.” My mother said, her voice harsh and cold like the wind outside. Her brows set in a low glair as she looked them up and down. “I am still your queen, you do not get to control everything. It’s clear you’ve made your choice, but when it happens. That is my choice. She is my daughter. I choose when she goes with the witcher. I do not know when that will be but it will be after her sister’s betrothal. If you have an issue with that, find a new court to control.” the five men looked at her, then each other before nodding and walking out of the room silently.

My mother’s hands held my arms as she dragged me into her chest. My sister came up to us both, her hands wrapping around both my mother and me I. her head resting on my shoulder. Wrapping one arm around her and one around my mother, I let my fear fall. My fear came out in silent sobs. My shoulders shook, my eyes clouding as I stared at the wall behind my sister. The tears pooled down my face.

My mother pulled back, one hand on each of my cheeks, her fingers brushing my tears away.

“You will be the first female witcher to ever be. You will make history.” my shoulders started to shake more violently as I cried more. The impending end of my life is on the horizon. My mother’s denial was just to help her cope, but we both knew how it would end.

“Mum...we both know what will happen to me...I won’t survive it.” my voice was broken as I spoke caving as I cried. Her fingers moved faster to wipe my tears as she shushed me. My sister’s hands are on my arms and back.

“Even if that’s the case, it won’t be for at least another month. Live your life for the next month the way you want to, no regrets,-”

“No hesitations.” I interrupted her, a small smile tugging at my lips. Her eyes softened at me. She leaned in placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

“You can do this Ina. You are the Lioness Cub. If anyone can do it, it’s you.”

[jypbae7]

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

[mcmystery]

“By My Name” (Cerise & Mr.B)

Midway on their trip to Haven, two travelers took rest at a local inn on the outskirts of a passing town. By foot they took their journey as instructed by the leader of the two, a skilled Huntsman going by the last name Brunswick. He carried little for his trip, with only the clothes on his back, his weapon, and a briefcase that contain what he described; a precious set that binds fidelity.

He took the lead on their faraway journey, with a smaller female companion in tow. She introduced herself to the young Huntsman just a couple of weeks prior as Cerise Han. They met under a particular situation, which included her aiding him during a grimm ambush. It was that quick scene of events where he witnessed something special about her. Even though it conflicted with his work, he decided to let her join him, in hopes to teach her more about her own skills and how to defend herself. With Cerise joining him, she also traveled lightly with the clothes she wore, and nothing more than a backpack filled with light essentials: a pair of pajamas, extra undergarments, a journal with half the pages ruffled from use, a pen, a small wallet filled with a bit of Lien and a medium size map of Anima.

It’s a bit past evening, the sun was slowly sinking towards the horizon. The blue hues of the sky gradually faded into gentle shades of reds and pinks. A distance a way from the inn is an open field that was fenced by a row of trees that led into a dense forest. Cerise began to walk into the open field when she took notice of her traveling partner approaching her. He was returning from picking up a meal for them both and just happened to catch her at the right time.

Cerise smiled happily at his approach and waved at him as he shortened the distance to her. Carrying a paper bag filled with the delicious contents inside, he continued to walk to her with so much of a neutral expression across his face. Within a few yards between them, he finally greeted her back.

“Woman, have you done the training I’ve instructed you to do?” Asking as the last few steps came in front of her.

Cerise, a bit taken back, not by his tone or the way he greeted her, but with the way he referred to her. She thought for a second and then confronted him softly. “Why do you refer to me like that?” She asked curiously.

The taller individual looked at her and tilted his head a bit, with a soft hum in confusion.

“You tend to call me ‘Woman’ sometimes, especially when it comes to anything related to training.” She chuckled softly. Hearing it out loud, the male subtly pulled his head back at the realization, his eyes shifting to the side as if searching for an explanation for his choice of words.

His gaze shifted a bit back and forth to her, then away, “I, um…”

“We’re traveling together, so it’s okay to use my name all the time!” Cerise encourage with a gentle and friendly tone.

There was a pause between them as he thought about it for a short while. He readjusted his posture, eyes wondering away as his head tilted slightly towards that direction. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting them open again with his view only on her.

“It’s an old habit of mine, I apologize.” He spoke tenderly.

Cerise nodded, holding a heartwarming smile to him and before she could answer his question, he interrupted her before she could even get a syllable out.

“Miss Han, have you done your training yet?”

Cerise felt as if a weight had smack her on the top of her head as a new name was given to her. Of course, it is her name, but not the way she wished for him to refer to her as such. She smiled awkwardly and he could read her expression perfectly.

“It’s your name, isn’t it?” The dark hair male mentioned more as a statement than a question. The paper bag crinkled a bit as his tenseness of getting it wrong again.

Cerise wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh and let it be or try to encourage him to try again. “It is… but it’s a bit formal, don’t you think?”

He stood, placing his free hand on his hip while the other was still preoccupied in holding their precious meal. His eyes shifted away again for a second and back at her, “What’s wrong with that? I want to be respectful.”

Cerise could understand a bit where he was coming from. His up bringing was way different than hers, on top of being a huntsman, and the kind of title he holds; she can understand that’s just the way he is. Yet, she just wanted her name to be used, not a name that sounded like someone else’s, but hers.

“There’s nothing really wrong with it, but it just sounds like you’re referring to my mom is all.” She mentioned with a soft laugh as she turns away slightly. “I guess I just want to have my own identity with you.”

The older male took what she said to heart. In the moments that they shared together, he slipped into past habits that he had trouble controlling at times. Letting them slip by most of the time without considering the other party. He needed to break past that, for Cerise’s sake.

“I’ve been… inconsiderate to you.” He began, “Truth be told, I struggle with my own identity at times, and I feel like I’ve projected that onto you without consideration to how that might make you feel. I…” He trailed off.

A gentle breeze passed through them; it carried the soft sounds of the grassy fields fluttering behind the two. “It shouldn’t be an excuse, with all the tasks I have to take care of, the importance of this trip and now helping you; I’ve been unfair to you. I hope you can forgive me for being insensitive.” He finished with a humble tone, giving her a true apologetic look in hopes she can spare him just this.

Cerise stunned by his speech, stumbled on her words. “H-hey, I mean, you got a super busy job, and I can tell there’s a lot on your mind. I won’t hold it against you since I can understand it’s easy for you to get distracted and slip up at times. Some habits are hard to break out of, but if you’re trying to overcome them, then I can’t get upset at you for that.”

He looked at her grateful for her understanding, relieved that he could mend his mistakes and stay on good terms with her. It felt comforting to know that she’s a gentle individual who is easy to speak with. He respected her honesty and wasn’t going to take that for granted.

Cerise caught his attention by leaning towards him and catching his glance, “I forgive you, yeah? And if you want to give me respect like you said, then use my first name!” She stated cheerfully. Holding a bright smile to him as her cheeks blushes from happiness of being able to express herself to him freely.

“Of course,” He agreed with relief, his eyes wandered towards the ground between them only to be picked up back to hers, which warmly expressed such blissful feelings radiating from that gentle admiration towards him.

He could feel himself struggling internally but managed to push out with a low tone that was rarely heard from him, “Cerise…”

Her breath was caught in her throat at the sound of him calling her. He’s said her name before on normal occasions, but at this moment it just sounded different to her ears. Maybe it’s because of the conversation they just had that holds weight to his tone. Either way, she could tell there was a difference in the way he spoke her name in this moment that made her heart skip a beat. She could feel the skin on her cheeks began to heat up and most likely display a flustered appearance. As her heart picked up in pace, her hands came up to hide whatever expression she was displaying.

“Cerise?” He said again with a tint of concern. Which flustered her more so since he took notice of her obvious reaction.

“Yeah?” She muffled behind her palms.

“It’s okay to say your first name, right?” He asked to find confirmation.

“Yeah.” Speaking again into her hands.

Her male companion dropped his shoulders in relief and smiled at her display. Seeing her reacted the way she did, warmed his heart slightly. He took a deep breath and let it out without worry. As he did, the crinkling sound of the paper bag still in his arms reminded them of their meal.

“Why don’t you take a day off for training today.” he began. “We can pick it up again tomorrow evening at a new location; let’s take the evening off to enjoy this meal and relax.”

Cerise peaked out from behind her hands and stared at him, “You sure? I thought you said it was important I stick to my training?”

He began to turn before walking away back to the inn, “I did say that, but its also important to rest.” He nodded his head towards the inn, “Let’s head back, Cerise.”

She perked up at the sound of her name now, it sounded more casual than before, like how she’s normally used to hearing it from him. She nodded with a hum of approval and took a few steps his direction as he started his walk back. Cerise caught up with him and in a playful joke referred to him, “Lead the way, Mr. Brunswick.”

[suddencolds]

even the tiniest drabble with kaeya and albedo where one of them has a cold would make me super happy. i don't even care which one is sick, really, but if you want something more specific i feel like albedo being the sick one could be cute? and albedo has a canon liking for dessert/sweet things so maybe kaeya brings him some hot chocolate????

Hi anon!! First, the mention of sweets is so cute?? I live for Kaeya knowing that and specifically bringing Albedo hot chocolate 😭 (Also to the one other anon who asked for Albedo sjfhajfsh), I’ve always wanted to try my hand at writing Kaebedo, so I hope you enjoy! <3

—

Albedo is in a hurry.

“Good morning,” he says, when Kaeya runs into him just outside Jean’s office. “Forgive me. I can’t stay to talk.”

“Good morning to you too,” Kaeya says. “Busier than usual?”

Up close, Albedo looks slightly off—he’s paler than usual, save for a flush high in his cheeks. Closer inspection reveals that he’s shivering, too, if only slightly.

“Much to get done,” Albedo says back. “I have another shipment I need to attend to.” Before Kaeya can find a chance to respond, he’s already turning, heading for the exit.

Kaeya sighs. “Albedo.”

Albedo turns on his heels, sniffing softly. “What?”

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Kaeya asks, as nonchalantly as he can. Albedo looks surprised for a moment, as if he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. Then he nods.

“I am fine, I promise. I think I’ve...” he trails off, his gaze going distant and indistinct, and ducks into his shoulder. “...hiih’TSCHh!... caught a cold, snf.” Albedo clears his throat; Kaeya almost misses the grimace that follows, the discomfort that catches in his eyeline for a split second, there and then gone. “I should be back to normal in three to five days. Until then, I suggest you keep your distance.”

“Should you be working if you’re ill?” Kaeya asks, skeptical. “If you’re just running deliveries, I can help you with that.”

“It’s only a cold. No fever, and no symptoms that would warrant any additional concern…” Albedo rubs his nose, sniffling into a raised fist. His breath catches again, sharply, without a release. He sighs.  “...I’m sorry. I should really go. I would have liked to stay to chat..”

Then he’s slipping out the door to the Knights’ headquarters, and Kaeya—who still has a day of work ahead of him—doesn’t follow. Still, it bothers him as he goes out with the Knights. It’s been a winter colder than most, and it can’t be much better on Dragonspine, which is cold enough already without taking into consideration the variations of the seasons.

Albedo is honest when it comes to things like this. Kaeya knows that if he says it’s really nothing, he will be fine.

But he’s well-enough acquainted with illnesses to know how simple colds can still be fairly miserable. Albedo had seemed well enough, but appearances can be deceptive, and a cold is a cold. The weather in Dragonspine can’t possibly be conducive to his recovery; Kaeya can’t imagine the stress from running errands is helping, either.

—

Days like this aren’t frequent, but they’re tiring. Albedo gets caught in a frenetic back-and-forth between the camp at the base of Dragonspine, his own laboratory campsite up in the mountains, and the Knights of Favonius Headquarters in Mondstadt, transporting materials from outpost to outpost, double-checking the packaging, informing Sucrose and Timaeus about how the more fragile—or perishable—items should be handled.

By the time he’s back at his campsite, the exhaustion is starting to catch up with him. There are torches, set up around the periphery of the campsite, and usually they do a fair job of keeping the campsite area warm. Today—maybe owing to the fact that it’s particularly windy, or maybe only because it’s a colder winter than usual—he finds that it’s not exactly the most comfortable place to work.

Albedo takes a seat on one of the crates. He’s certainly well enough to be here—the cold he’s caught is an annoyance, but he’s certainly worked through worse. His throat hurts when he swallows, and every few minutes he has to pause to sniffle, wipe his nose briefly into the handkerchief Lisa had insisted that he take, crane his head over his shoulder to cough in an effort to avoid contamination of the materials he’s been using in his alchemy.

It’s disruptive, in the most inconvenient of ways, and he’s not getting any better out here, but he has so many new orders to sort through. He has a new shipment of Fontaine’s specialties to investigate. Rest can wait.

It’s not long before he’s raising the handkerchief to his face—he suspects it will stop being useful soon, for how much he’s used it—in ticklish, agonizing anticipation.

“Hiih... hiIH’izZZSch!!”

He winces, sniffling. The sneeze is just wrenching enough to send pain lancing through his throat.

“HiiiH’GZSChh!” Now his nose is running too, which is even worse. Still, he can’t bear to open his eyes; the anticipation is still there, persistent. “Hheh… heEHh… hehh’NGKT’shh! snf, snf...” He thinks the smoke might be getting to him. Perhaps it would do to try to sneeze this cold out—to expel all of the pathogens first, before his cold has the chance to worsen. Judging by how things are looking, it might happen even if he doesn’t do anything to encourage it.

“heh… hehH’iiSSSCh! HEHH’GKTschh!”

“Woah, bless you,” says a familiar voice.

Albedo’s eyes snap open. “Kaeya…?” He winces, still sniffling, and lowers the handkerchief from his face. Something must be wrong, he thinks—it must be urgent, too, if Jean had thought to send Kaeya up here on such a short notice. “Don’t tell me I mixed up the delivery shipments, snf, rest assured, I’ll… h-have it sorted as soon as I… hiih… can... hiih’GZZSchh!”

“Bless you again,” Kaeya says, sounding unbothered. “Relax, nothing’s wrong. Just thought I’d check up on you.”

It’s a puzzling response, to say the least. Albedo frowns. “Did you need something?”

“No, but I brought hot chocolate,” Kaeya says. When Albedo looks up, he sees that Kaeya is holding two mugs, one in each hand—both of which are miraculously still steaming. He holds one out in Albedo’s direction. “Sucrose tells me you have a taste for sweets.”

“I… am indeed fond of them,” Albedo says, taking the drink from him.

Kaeya brightens visibly. “This is an old recipe. You’ll have to tell me if it’s any good.”

Albedo takes a sip. The taste of it is slightly dulled under his worsening congestion, but it’s warm, fragrant and light, just sweet enough to not be overwhelming. “It’s exceptional,” he says earnestly, curling both hands around the mug to relish its warmth. “I would appoint you Captain of Drinks, if I could.”

Kaeya laughs. “You flatter me. I’m glad it was to your taste~ So,” he starts, smiling in that familiar, unreadable way, “is there anything I can help with?”

“Not off the top of my head... hiiH’DSCHhH!” Unprepared, uncovered—Albedo looks away, suspecting that his face must be red. “...Apologies. I’ve done this...”—he gestures vaguely to the workspace in front of him—“...many times before. I assure you, I can handle it. Did Jean send you?”

“Jean? No, I sent myself. I’m off work for today, and you said there was lots to get done, and you’re not feeling well, so...” Kaeya says all of this simply, as if his presence here is really only natural. As if he’s made the trip here—in the freezing cold, unpressured by the Acting Grandmaster, unaccompanied—just to stand here now, smiling, as if none of that is a big deal. He says, “Let me help?”

Albedo gapes at him.

“I would like to help,” Kaeya adds, sensing Albedo’s hesitation. He takes a seat on one of the crates opposite to Albedo—too close, really, to guarantee that he won’t contract this, which Albedo wants to comment on too. “That is, if you’d let me. I have no doubt you’d be able to handle this by yourself, but I can’t imagine it would be much fun. I’m better at alchemy than you might expect.”

“How chivalrous…” Albedo starts. He turns away to cough softly into his shoulder. “Captain Kaeya, you always manage to exceed my expectations.” It’s illogical, he thinks. There should be no reason why Kaeya’s presence would affect his illness in the least. And yet...

Kaeya smirks. “Since you are so intent on working hard, I figured I would lend a hand. So, where should we start?”

...he definitely feels better already.

[part 2]

[floralovebot]

what are ur thoughts... on helia's relationship with masculinity? his earlier wardrobe was softer colors and peasant blouses and his (beautiful, beautiful T^T) hair was kept long. obviously we know that shit slapped even if the show wont acknowledge it now. his look always made him super distinct from the rest of the guys, but i feel like that may have also been an alienizing factor? red fountain is a military school and i promise im not asking for your take on gender roles or toxic masculinity of the entire magic dimension or to write helia a planet and culture and backstory from scratch (unless? 👀, bc your takes are always fascinating), but do you think he was ever taken with that, or felt subject to other's opinions on that sort of thing? has he always been comfortable with his presentation, or did he have any clumsy teenage overcompensating? if the latter, would you say leaving red fountain helped him come to terms with that or reinvent himself to his tastes? or maybe had him overcorrecting in the opposite direction, to distance himself from the red fountain lifestyle as well as account for his two haircuts and more traditionally masculine style later on?

anon i'm in love with you.

I have so many thoughts about Helia's overall aesthetic (and some about his concept designs heheh) but I won't get into all of them since that would make this way too long. To be honest, within canon we don't know a lot about Helia's personal thoughts about Red Fountain or the culture surrounding it and other military/paramilitary establishments. While this does make it harder for people to give him a solid characterization, it actually makes a lot of sense considering how quiet he is in terms of his own thoughts on things. We have random tidbits and rumors from other characters but almost nothing from him.

When it comes to his looks in canon, honestly I don't think it would ever be an issue. While long hair on men is stigmatized in real life, in Winx Club it's not that big of a deal, in fact, it's pretty normal. We see multiple male characters with long hair and not typically considered masculine wardrobes. Saladin, Palladium, Avalon, Valtor, and even background Specialists are just a few examples. Longer hair on men is a normal thing throughout all of the planets and only seems to be weird on Earth (ie Sky and Helia cutting their hair to blend in). While I do have a lot of thoughts on Helia's hair, I really doubt it was ever an issue in canon. It's only an area of topic in the fandom due to a couple of things that don't factor into canon (such as men having long hair being stigmatized in real life or the rumors that Helia was originally a female character [with absolutely no proof of that besides his long hair and slightly more feminine looking face]).

I think when it comes to Helia feeling out of place, it would likely have more to do with his personal interests, aka art, and not necessarily wanting to be a Specialist. Contrary to fanon, Helia likes being a Specialist and we know he respects Saladin and Red Fountain as a whole. Him leaving was largely due to being more interested in art than the "family business" so to speak. It's shown multiple times in canon that Helia feels a lot of pressure from being related to Saladin and that his own actions and opinions affect both Saladin and the school (which says a lot about how the Magix Dimension feels about families and relations). His back and forth between being a Specialist and being an artist have to do with him not wanting to disappoint Saladin or affect his image in a negative way.

We do know that other Specialists and people outside of the school have opinions about him and what he does but we don't actually know how he feels about that or how he deals with it. It gets brought up quite a few times; random people who aren't close to him talking shit for no reason (Brandon in ep.8, Riven multiple times in the comics, other random specialists, etc), and yet, Helia's own feelings about the matter never get revealed. Again, I think this plays into how quiet he is about his own emotions, not wanting to start shit or get into a fight that could later damage Red Fountain's image.

In that way, you could say Helia deals with some amount of rejecting masculinity, but personally, I think his actions have more to do with feeling like he needs to have a "good" image because of his familial relations. Helia doesn't start conflict, he doesn't push things or engage in arguments, he's extremely conscious about how his actions affect Saladin and the school (he even uses this to his advantage in the Shaab Stone arc). We don't know the extent of how much people talk about him, behind his back or to his face, and we don't the extent of how much it affects him.

Personally, I think Helia is conscious enough to have dealt with toxic masculinity, specifically trying to get away with it, earlier in his life. While Red Fountain is a paramilitary school, it's shown explicitly that they don't tolerate that attitude and try to knock it out of any boy that enters (aka don't start dumb fights, don't insult your teammates, don't do dumb shit to prove your worth, etc). The only reason the main boys managed to stay in the school is that they're canonically the best students and Codatorta believed in them (also cause yknow,, they're the love interests).

While the Magix Dimension definitely has some degree of toxic masculinity, Helia in particular mostly battles with toxic perfectionism and family legacy. He's not consciously or subconsciously trying to be the ideal version of a man nor does he base his life or opinions of himself on that. Helia tries to be the perfect Specialist and the perfect grandson. He tries to be the perfect student in a school that's largely associated with the best soldiers in the universe and that's also run by his grandpa, while also dealing with his own actions and opinions affecting the image of said grandpa and school. So honestly, no, I don't think Helia particularly gets affected by masculinity, toxic or otherwise, and I don't think any of his actions in canon could be led by it. However, I do think he's in an awkward situation and tries too hard to live up to other people's (and his own) expectations of him and that some of those expectations can run into the "ideal" version of masculinity (such as Brandon saying "he doesn't like to get his hands dirty" as an insult).

While I do love the idea of Helia going through a little teenage rebellion and him going to art school being a result of that, in canon, it's partially implied that he really didn't change. Saladin sees him as the same person and the specialists recognize who he is. There is no "whomst the fuck are you" kind of moment with any of the characters. This is more implied by canon than directly shown but, I do think that Helia was one of those people who had to mature quickly as a kid. And that him leaving Red Fountain multiple times is mostly him trying to get away from those expectations. We see this theme with multiple characters so I don't think it's a wild conclusion.

When it comes to his haircuts and different aesthetics, I think that's mainly Rainbow mucking things up. His aesthetic change in S4 is so they can blend in, it's not him being himself. Even when their identities get revealed and everyone knows they aren't from Earth, they're still trying to fit in and live within that Earth culture. His changes in the later seasons are largely due to Nickelodeon not understanding the characters and just wanting a group of masculine soldier dudes.

Unpopular opinion but: I think a better way of showing how out of their element the specialists were in S4, would actually be to cut Helia's hair super short, not just the uneven shreds he got, and then have him grow it out through the season (maybe even magically like they did with Musa) to show that they're chill on Earth and people aren't scared of them. Is this an excuse for me to imagine him with a wolf cut? Yes.

[yinses]

salvation and redemption   if you could only save one soul in this wretched world fyodor dostoevsky x reader rating: t  a/n: interrupting our normal scheduled programming for this idea i couldn’t get out of my head after going through my 5th rerun of bsd. i’ve always found fyodor to be an interesting character and he remains as an enigma i can’t shake.

“you love me right, kroshka?”

your hand paused at the crown of his head, a lapse in both your thought and judgement. it should have been a practiced answer for you, with how often he asked it. your response should have been expected as well, certainly given how his arms-his hands warmed your body. being with him was like living with a bomb inside your chest, a timer with no limit as he teased your existence by his mere proximity. 

everyone assumed you’d been numbed by experience. no one truly trusted a man like fyodor do. so of course you were simply submissive by defeat. you couldn’t escape if you wanted, so why not be pliant and just enjoy the life you were given until he deemed it time for your retribution. 

but in truth, you never feared fyodor in the way others did. 

you didn’t dread what he was, your trepidation stemmed from the person he once was. a child lost in his own ideals and thrown head first into a task bigger than himself. 

for as long as you could remember, it had always been you telling him not to worry. that it would always work itself out somehow. and in the event it didn’t? you would be there to save the day. 

in your youth, due to your ability, you likened yourself as a hero. not the super kind, with all the strength and posture. no, you were more comfortable behind the scenes, the afterthought once all the glory had dispersed. 

everyone liked to think it all happened in a simple swoop. the champion would defeat the adversary, stop the chaos and life would go on. but only for those unaffected by the utter destruction left behind. crumbling infrastructure and a debilitated economy. 

growing up in moscow was just another city under the predation of evils and conflict. it was easy for such a place to worship the one who could bring forth deliverance. yet in the overwhelming relief of the downfall of the perpetrator, they often forgot about the repentance of the souls and atmosphere that was distributed in the process. 

truly what did grieving do for anyone but bandage cracks when they needed to be filled. 

as a child you had more cracks than porcelain should have allowed, yet the integrity remained if only in name. 

“watch out!”

“wait, fyodor don’t!”

but you were too late. with a sigh, you fell to your knees uncaring of the blood that stained your already soiled socks as you cradled the dead canine. it had been made feral by nature, instead of choice. starved due to the lack of substance in his environment and forced to turn on whatever viable option was left. 

you were just children. fleshy but not overly meaty and certainly not part of its diet. he struck out of his own fears of humans, cruelty baring its vulnerability to the world. in search of your own next meal, you’d stumbled unknowingly into its territory. 

already dirty from the streets, fyodor hadn’t seconded his thoughts when he’d darted for the nearest trash can in hopes of salvaging anything to appease your stomachs. he’d been a moment too late to see the dog hidden in the corner, already thrown back by a lunge before he could dare to evade. it had been instinct for him to strike first, a thoughtless punishment executed out of fright. 

rubbing his freshly scraped palms against his ratty jacket, fyodor spared you a sour look. “yes, kroshka, im fine. thanks for asking.” his dry reply went unacknowledged as he rustled through the garbage. 

in the changing seasons of russia, even the newly dead didn’t take long to scum to the cold. despite the insulation, it’s coat already had a chill as you ran your fingers through it’s fur. 

“you’re not actually going to bring it back are you?”

uncaring of the way it stained your clothing, you drew the dog close to your chest as a dull light m encompasses your body. in that moment, time seemed to stop as if altered by a silent command before it backpedaled backwards without regard for reality. at the first shift of life, you carefully disentangle yourself and put distance between you as the animal slowly comes to terms with its restoration. 

not even a drop of blood was present as evidence of its past demise. shaking it’s coat, it stood on unstable legs, gaze filled with trepidation without cognition. a good deed should bare fruits of gratitude. 

so why were you suffering from the sharp pain of fangs tearing into the flesh of your shoulder? your cry was short lived, however, as fyodor jumped back into action, a quick touch of it palm undoing your works. 

in his haste, he’d carelessly knocked over the metal trash bin causing the crash to echo through the night. coupled with your cry of pain and the wail of repeated death, it was no surprise that your commotion attracted attention. 

“not every life deserves a second chance.” 

you don’t fight it when his fingers close around your wrist and he promptly drags you out of sight. whether the police or less honorable citizens, it wouldn’t be good for the two of you to linger too long. your hand grips the curve of your shoulder where the attack had just missed your throat. a second light show reveals a dingy shirt but one without tatter or blood. the pain from the bite gone with it but the sting of your decision lingers. 

“not every deed should be punished,” you whisper. 

you expect for him to stop you then, overcome with the need to debate but he continues to drag you along, making up for your lack of speed with his strength. 

“this world wouldn’t need either if it wasn’t so cruel. maybe then people like us could be happy for a change.”

for orphans, a strive for happiness was best waited out until you could age enough to properly take it from the world at will. eventually the two of you would be able to contribute to society and earn a decent living. 

it was easier to dream of a house. not too big or small. one that sat comfortably on a plot of land away from the dirt and grime of the city. you’d live off your own crops and grow old by your own ambitions. these for the aspirations that manifested in your heart. leaving only room for emotions like acceptance and expectation. 

but fyodor was already sowing the seeds of condemnation and reformation. tired of the mishandling of the world and the path it was on. as a child he promised you a life without faults. you couldn’t have imagined at that age, how many of his own would manifest in turn. 

yet out of obligation- or perhaps maybe it was affection. you stayed with him. slowly the hero of your story became the villain and your backstage presence was pushed further and further out of your inherent role of retribution. 

what good would punishment be if you unraveled the seams of disciple after all? 

salvation and redemption. 

that’s the name given to your ability. 

the ability to reverse the wrongs of the world, at the price of your own soul. for as black as this reality was becoming, at your rate you would have long been swallowed up had it not been for his intervention. 

gradually your hand picked back up its pace, fingers working their way under dark tresses as you scratched at the scalp. for some many years, you’d only known the body lain against you to be cold, shivering against the bricked walls of abandoned buildings. but because of his actions, his directive- now you were both warm, fed and properly housed. 

no, you didn’t need to be the hero. they only ever perished in the end. 

just his salvation. 

his excuse for redemption while he scoured the world for crime and provided the diligent punishment. 

dropping your head, you pressed your lips against the rise of his cheek.

“until the end, fyodor.” 

[litenmyra]

Shrunken Kyoka Jirou being cuddled/manhandled by short-circuited Denki Kaminari - This is almost entirely fluff! A bit of attempt at humour too, I wished to practice my writing, and I do love these two QwQ I felt the dynamic of a short-circuited electric boy may be interesting to try my hand at.

Warnings: None.

oooo

He was drooling, she noticed with a sneer, hands on her hips as her boot beat at the dirt in a nervous impatience. “Whe- whey…?” She could not for any money decipher what the fuck he was even trying to say, but the tone was confused. Had he tried with a question? “What do you want? Huh?” Kyoka made no attempts to step any closer to the teens’ towering form, the distance between them was very, enough. Frankly put, she was more than very off about the whole shrinking thing. To be truthful, Denki was almost terrifyingly big as she looked up at his lost face. The two had tried to work as a duo against a gang of teens their age, and perhaps she got a bit ahead of herself. It left her brushed by the deceptive finger of a delinquent with some sort of shrinking quirk. She witnessed, helpless to do anything, as the idiot before her had tackled the dude down then short-circuited, only that the target had friends who had carried him off; leading to now, as he sat in the grass, glancing down at her, oblivious to the strangeness of this predicament, while subconsciously going back and forth with his thumbs, as per usual. Kyoka groaned, rolling her eyes.

‘If only you’d stayed smart.’ “Hellooo? Earth to Jamming-Whey.” She tried. Which only earned the girl indifference from his eyes, not calming down his erratic hands. Of fucking course this had to happen, and to her too! The girl turned around, stomping as hard away as she could as she just tried to think of anything to help their situation. They weren’t in any immediate danger, just unsupervised. Mr.Aizawa would surely arrive soon, the others had been messaged info of their whereabouts, so maybe about half an hour from now-

All of a sudden she was enveloped by fingers taller than herself. With no time to react Kyoka let out a “Hey!” of surprise, eyeing frantically at the imprisonment, till she turned and raised her head to face the blond captor. Expecting some sort of explanation. Denki’s eyes were however only dazedly eyeing his friend, brows creasing his forehead, as if in a worried state of mind. ‘What is going on inside that empty space?!’

 “Hey, Whey-man!” She tried kicking herself loose once more, “Let me down, Denki!” 

He wasn't being rough, actually, his grip was surprisingly gentle, but she hated the thought of being in his grip. Tiny, and to top it off, unable to stop whatever antics he would come up with. The blonds brows just furrowed together even further, almost disclosing a look of hurt. Damn, she did not like seeing this big baby-guy sad. Kyoka ceased her kicking, sighing in a defeated manner. Her world shifted a bit as the hand around her was brought closer to her friend’s chest, cradling her protectively against him. He radiated heat, but it was not too bad. A shadow was over her in a few seconds, the back of the other hand being wiped under Denki’s chin, bringing the drool with it. He was just about to bring the other hand around the one holding the girl, but no, nonono, she wanted nothing to do with his spit. “Ah, ah! Denki! Wipe that off first!” God, she had to baby this giant boy. She mentally dragged a hand down her face. His own hand froze at her words, his throat making some strange humming as the arm limply fell to his side. At least he was not completely lost to his drawback. No other choice but to relax, somewhat at the very least, she untensed her body. She had not noticed it before, but as all fell quiet, she felt and heard the strumming of his pulse. Though, what worried Kyoka was the occasional skip or jitter it gave off. She guessed a powerful quirk like being able to freaking electrocute stuff was not in any way easy to deal with. A sad sigh flared her nostrils, just to save her he had once again lost a few brain cells. She also noticed he had calmed down since he had snatched her up. His breathing slower, and his hands still. Was it sheer willpower to restrain that restlessness, or did the predicament bring him content? Her heart swelled a bit. Kyoka supposed Denki was not all that bad. Annoying at times, but sweet all the same. Especially as he sat there in the grass with her… while she was  miniaturized... Held protectively against her wishes. Though, it was humouring. “Big doof.” She snorted. “K- Kyo-” The blond started up again, trying with words  “Ka… S- Safe.” He seemed to be leaving it at that. Sight rolling back up to stare at the clear hues of the evening sky.

 A smile eased onto her normally frowny face, closing her eyes. Maybe... She didn’t mind it that much, not for now.

Bonus: Denki sensed that sobering feeling slowly letting on his brain, blinking a few times as if to encourage it in more. His memories were a bit fuzzy, like, he had had a dream about Kyoka. Being tiny. He was sitting in that same grass-patch that he had dreamt about, and his hand- He whipped his head fast to look down on his occupied hand, shaken to find his dream less of an actual figment of his crazy imagination. In his hand he held his friend, actually shrunken and dozed off. Awe entered him, only interrupted when- when she snuggled her resting head further into his fingers. His heart swelled at her action, but he figured she could not be super comfortable in his fist. Still a bit shaky from the dizzy spell, he opened his hand over the other, cupping it as he gently let her lie onto it. Being more than careful not to rustle the girl around too much. He could see a small smile fall onto her face, once more burying into his skin, as if napping in a comfortable bed. Ahh! She is so cute!

He heard a buzz, raising his head and reaching into his pocket to fish his phone out. He saw a multitude of missed calls and notifications, but the most recent one was from his teacher himself! Asking for the coordinates of their whereabouts. Denki quickly sent them, putting the phone back into his pocket.

 Looking to check on the girl again, he was not expecting to meet her two glaring eyes. The boy nervously chuckled.

“What is it?”

--

Shouta walked into the forest, Hizashi waiting in the car at the road in front of the clearing. He was just about to look back at the coordinates Denki had sent to his work-phone, but did not have time to open the map as a screeching voice made its way to his ears.

“Denki! This was the hand you wiped your nasty drool with!” “S- Sorry!” There was the shortest of pauses. “It tickles, but the amount- amount of power you put into hitting me hurts me so much, Kyoka!” Yeah, this was starting off easy. He thought as he trudged on, knowing he had some lecturing to do.

[harley-style]

DREAM SMP Swap AU

Dream = Wilbur : Dream comes into the server to help these two kids who are trying to stir shit up -- why not, right? He's got a fondness for chaos but also very protective and caring over his friends. VERY FOND OF TUBBO. To the point of.. well, brotherhood. Wilbur = Dream : He had a vision, to create a place where people could emancipate -- he's not above being the bad guy to keep that ideal in place. He's charming and self-confident and isn't afraid to use blackmail or get all up in your business. Has dirt on everyone but Dream. Constantly threatens secrets but subtle, yanno? Again, very charming, very persuasive.

Tubbo = Tommy : Still very sweet, but Big Crime often comes out to play more often than not. Also a huge trouble magnet, tried to start a...Honey smuggling empire? For some fucking reason, despite its innocent sounding plan, is a threat to Wilbur's land but no one has any idea why. Tommy = Tubbo : Tommy has an innate fucking fixation on music discs. He's got Cat and Mellohi personally. He dreams of starting up a music cafe/music area...? He and Dream get along swimmingly, Dream actually gifts Tommy a few music discs too, but also pins Tommy with the name discount Dave Strider.

Fundy = Eret : Was convinced earlier on by Wilbur to continue his 'legacy' and ideals. Fundy further grows into a neutral party, doing things only when it benefits him. Is the traitor from the first war. Eret = Fundy : Gets far too involved with stuff and the only way out is if he wiggles through the restraints on him. Yes that's metaphorical.

JSchlatt = Technoblade : Assists through uses of contracts and business deals. Like, hello, Tubbo's Honey smuggling business? He and Dream make an agreement, he supplies Dream and Tubbo with shit, and Dream does favors for Schlatt. Technoblade = Jschlatt : Anarchy lmfao. Was actually brought on by Wilbur in secret. Acted as a benefactor for Dream before turning around and causing chaos in the land Dream Tubbo and Tommy built. Blood for the blood god, only the strongest gets to the top kind of government. There's always fucking pitfights. Oops.

Philza = Callahan : Largely uninvolved in the events, mostly just there to supervise Wilbur, Tommy and Techno. Duh. Callahan = Philza : Has personal history with Dream, tries to convince him not to do the thing that could hurt everyone else. Minimally succeeds.

Alyssa = Niki : Ready to defend her home and her family. Niki = Alyssa : Neutral, but ready to back Wilbur up if need be.

Sapnap = Bad : Arsonist, goes around and burns shit whenever he wants to. His base is a Nether inspired fortress. Also, he has to deal with a Nether problem in reference to the Red Vine problem from the original SMP. Hotlands? LMFAO Bad = Sapnap : Helps when asked. Started out on Wilbur's side, as a favor, but slowly shifts neutral due to the conflict between factions.

Karl = Skeppy : Gets held hostage? That's what preoccupies Sapnap's time. He suddenly disappeears or gets trapped in a cell. Skeppy = Karl : Runs around doing supply runs. Gets his friends into various stints to try and settle the conflict through friendly rivalry and competition. It doesn't always work.

George = Ranboo : Unlike original Ranboo, George is highly unsympathetic and needs concrete fucking facts before he acts, and that kind of backfires on him in the end. As a favor to Dream (how many favors is Dream involved in honestly) he runs messages back and forth from Tubbo to Tommy. Ranboo = George : Largely uninvolved in the conflict, like Niki, but unlike OG George, is not absent. He's just there to assist. One of the most innocent and purest people on the SMP, knows when to keep his head down. When his house burns down, he doesn't really believe its Tubbo who did it -- he knows the kid has been framed because he'd been WITH him at the time, but Wilbur pressures him to admit it.

Quackity = Punz : Wilbur's loyal paid henchman. Quackity will cause shit for the appropriate price, he's not exceptionally picky. That stunt he did as Mexican Dream was great and everyone in L'Manberg loved it. Punz = Quackity : One of the best fighters under Techno. Has more morals, but keeps them secretly. Very good at hiding his true intentions/feelings.

(sorry about the other characters not being on here, i dont know them enough to make swaps, or dont know who they'd make a good swap with. Swap who you wanna swap though! i'd like to hear your take on this matter! HEADCANONS ACCEPTED TOO AT THIS POINT EVERYTHING HERE IS FROM WHAT I REMEMBER AND MY HEADCANONS)

PLOT

-Wilbur starts the SMP with Niki, slowly invites others like Ranboo, Tommy, and Tubbo.

-Tubbo expresses a desire to Fuck Shit Up and Tommy says they can get Dream, he's an expert at getting away.

-Dream is extremely protective of them both. Tubbo more than Tommy but that's fine because Tommy is largely independent.

-Tubbo gets in the weirdest shit but Tommy can roll with the punches really quickly.

-Wilbur gets tired of their crap and burns down Tubbo's establishment. It's like the Disc Wars except it's the Great Honey War. Bee War? Basically he's tired of Tubbo hogging all the Honey related expenditures.

-Dream gets the idea to make a honey smuggling empire, as a joke, but Tubbo is Big Crime and he's going with it. Tommy just wants chaos, and he was getting bored tbh.

-Eventually the Honey thing turns into Resource management, so Tubbo Dream and Tommy have a hold on all major supplies

-Shit happens and Dream, Tubbo, Tommy, Eret, Sam, Fundy and Alyssa establish an independent nation. Dunno what to call it bc the server is called the L'manberg SMP so....

-The fight for indepencence still happens. Instead of 'Green boy' Wilbur is named 'E-boy'. Dream still says "WE HAVE NO MERCY FOR YOU" when Wil calls for a ceasefire negotiation, but Wilbur does threaten the nation saying  "If there is no white flag by tomorrow, then you can kiss your sorry little arses good bye. That's my final warning."

-Turns out Fundy's been secretly funneling information to Wilbur in exchange for the safety of his friends, and also because Wilbur's his dad....uhm. Also! He and Dream are circling each other and others are like "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE DEAD RINGERS FOR QUEERPLATONIC MATES JUST MARRY ALREADY" bc I like FundyWasTaken but others might not and its okay, we'll label it as platonic, but can be read otherwise depending on your tastes. But for this, it's very close platonic.

-Wilbur goads Tommy into a fight, as brothers do, but Tubbo steps in and Wilbur fucking jumps at the chance.

-This is the start of Dream's descent into madness. No one fucking threatens or pulls one of his friends like that. Denied. It's still subtle though, so he's okay for now.

-Tubbo and Wilbur face off. When Tubbo pulls back bc he genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone, Wilbur takes the chance and beats him.

-Tubbo, however, makes a deal. Let their nation stand on its own, and he'll give up the Resource Empire he started. Wilbur accepts, with the condition that they unify their alliance with a...marriage? So basically, political marriage between Wilbur's heir, Fundy, and Dream, the leader of the revolution.

-YEAH I WENT THERE THIS IS VALID

-They're strained at first, but Dream and Fundy slowly mend their relationship post-betrayal.

-Fast forward a few months later. The Nation doesn't really have a leader, as per the agreement, but it does have a representative. All decisions are made via majority votes, and that decision is voiced by the rep and sub-rep, Dream and Tubbo respectively. Tommy's just there to have a good time and causes chaos as per usual.

-Enter Technoblade. He's been called in by Wilbur to...ah. Dismantle a little...nation. Sounds right up his alley. But he asks Wilbur to wait and see what happens.

-Tommy and Dream get the idea to hold a tournament to celebrate their independence, an all out brawl for everyone to kick back and relieve stress. There. That's where Techno comes in.

-He gets Punz to join him after like, being paid (ofc) and they fucking dominate the tournament. Dream's about to congratulate them but Techno turns the fuck around and declares his right to rule the nation. If anyone wants to fight him for the title, they're welcome to try.

-Dream loses another life to Techno trying and failing to fight it. He and a few others lost their first life sometime elsewhere? I guess? Probably by being blown up by Wilbur, idk.

-Tubbo and Dream are chased out by people who reluctantly follow Techno's orders, and Tommy, torn between his friends and his brothers, stays behind. Oh jeezus.

-Since Techno is a fighting GOD, no one's able to usurp him to make things turn back to normal. But Dream is smart, and knows Wilbur's 100% behind this. Fundy kind of knew but didn't do shit about it, which is why Dream rejects Fundy's offer of sanctuary. He can't be sure his husband will stay on his side, after all. It's nothing personal.

-Dream and Tubbo hide away somewhere, probably not a ravine but?? A mountain or something? They manage to get Sam away enough to ask him to build a super cool Redstone contraption thing that opens for them. ooooo.

-I'm not good at names but for the sake of jokes I'm gonna call their land the 'Bee's Knees' bc at some point Tubbo finds a fuckton of Hives hanging from Trees. Bee Mountain if Dream's feeling especially salty.

-SPEAKING OF DREAM. his insanity is on course now, it's slowly eating away at him and in fear of hurting Tubbo he's slowly distancing himself away. Tubbo's like what's wrong but Dream can't answer -- he doesn't know what's wrong with himself either.

-Tubbo and Dream need to go back and confront Techno, but they can't wait for long else Techno's going to obliterate everyone and their extra lives. They call Schlatt in.

-Schlatt's a pure business man and draws up a contract. He'll aid them in terms of supplies, but most of the revolution is on them. They agree.

-Tommy is actually really fucking good at lying and skirting around what he reveals to Dream and tubbo as a spy that Techno would have believed him if he didnt' know his brother. and Wilbur's warnings, of course. That results in Techno just being fucking done with Tommy's bullshit and plans his execution in another tournament? I guess?

-It doesn't go like the festival. First of all, Schlatt can't fight for shit, so why would Techno call him up the stage? No, Schlatt fights dirty. techno doesn't set much rules so theres no rule against poisoning Tommy quick and easy before the fight. Tommy loses another life and is on his last. Tubbo is spitting mad, but Schlatt points out that nothing in the contract covered this, so he's free to do as necessary. Tubbo is stopped by Dream who, at this point, is just overtaken by the need to one-up Techno.

-Also, Wilbur's been slowly persuading Dream to just. Let go. Let the monster inside of him free, he 'deserves it'. By the end of it all, Dream does. He snaps and lets loose the monster crying for blood inside him.

-Callahan is left to convince his old friend not to do it. In a moment of clarity, Dream stares on in horror of what he'd done. In his rage he managed to deplete ALL of Techno's lives (not really but shhhh), cause massive bloodshed, and terrified everyone in the process. He asks Callahan to kill him. Callahan does.

-Yes we'll get to Ghost Dream eventually.

-Anyway, Schlatt still does the Wither plan, because, uh, Drunken Rage. He was so stressed out from the ensuing conflict that he's like "LETS JUST FINISH THE REST OF YOU. THERE WILL BE NO CONFLICT IF YOU ARENT THERE TO FIGHT."

-and then he uses the line from the Lego movie on Tubbo like "Oh, Tubbster. It's nothing personal. It's just Business(tm)".

-Schlatt still dies of stroke. He does come back as a ghost though, that's one main difference.

-After everything's said and done, and the dust has settled, everyone decides to disband the nation, and just live their lives. like, they're done, wilbur, they get your point, jfc, let them rest.

-but uhhhh someone frames tubbo for setting fire to ranboo's (the server sweetheart) house. wilbur immediately decides to exile tubbo in 'anger'. acutally, he wants tommy and tubbo separated.

-tommy's not standing for it though, he fucking fights his way until wilbur threatens him and tubbo's like YES FINE OKAY I'LL AGREE TO BEING EXILED STOP THREATENING YOUR BROTHER

-tubbo's exile arc is not as sad as tommy's, but rather very tense because wilbur keeps riling tubbo up and taunting him. he still keeps contact with tommy though because they arent going to be separated just like that. no way. tubbo just gets a little more mad and gets short tempered like a lot.

-ranboo's not even that mad about it, he knows tubbo would never burn his house, there was a conspiracy on board and even if there wasn't he's like "arent yall overreacting its just a house, didnt you all do this like before the first war even began, what even (also, ranboo was WITH tubbo at the time of his house allegedly being set on fire. Not that he'll admit to it, because he and tubbo made that agreement long before)

-eventually he finds out that wilbur just wanted to pin the blame on tubbo to make him leave, and ranboo's like "IM DONE WITH YOUR CRAP WILLBUR STOP HURTING THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT" and leaves

-with the nation gone, people started to solidify their groups. sapnap and karl deal with their own thing, quackity still runs errands for wilbur, george is the main person ferrying messages from tubbo to tommy back and forth, etc.

-there's a funeral for dream, ofc, fundy arranged it. all of dream's shit was hidden because fundy doesnt want wilbur to get it.

-niki's still there managing her bakeshop but doubles as an informant for wilbur because she's well liked within the server

-ghost dream is present and he's a chaotic troll who mostly hangs around tommy. he's really hyper active and is always on the move, you can never catch him sitting still for like, 5 minutes

THAT"S ALL I HAVE FOR MY SMP SWAP AU PLEASE BE GENTLE I DONT HAVE TIME TO GET ALL THE FACTS STRAIGHT FROM THE OG SMP qwq

[backtothestart02]

Breaking Point - 1/1(?) | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Based off the twitter reaction to Barry time-traveling w/o telling Iris ahead of time in 7x16. This fic is Iris’ reaction once he tells her, and it’s maybe a bit extreme? You’ll have to decide for yourself. I was feelings angsty when I wrote it and when I initially thought it up, so there’s that. If there’s a demand for more of this fic, I’ll gladly write more, but if not, the ending is open to interpretation what could happen next. Oh! And Iris is not blipping in and out of timelines and Godspeed clones didn’t prevent Barry from making it to the future. Enjoy! =P

...

Synopsis:  7x16 - Canon Divergent - Time-Travel has its consequences.

...

When Barry returned from 2049, he was brimming with energy. Lightning was still crackling all around him when he came to a stop back in STAR Labs. Chester and Caitlin looked at him, intrigued. When he didn’t say anything, only grinned, Chester couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

“Well, how is everything? Did it all go okay?”

He rocked back and forth from his toes to his heels, Barry’s enthusiasm contagious.

“Yeah,” Caitlin added, also curious but more amused than anything by the two of them. “We thought for a second that something went wrong, because-”

“No, no, nothing went wrong. Everything is great!” Barry sighed contently.

Caitlin laughed and shared a look with Chester.

“So, you found Nora,” she concluded.

“Not just Nora.”

“Oh?”

But just as he was about to spill the beans, it occurred to Barry that maybe future details should be kept where they belonged. In the future.

Except with Iris. He could tell her. In fact, right now there was nothing more that he wanted to do was tend to her and assure her Nora was all right – and she wasn’t alone.

“Yeah, I gotta go.”

He pushed past the two of them and headed towards the end of the tunnel.

“W-wait, Barry!”

Reluctantly, he stopped.

“What about Godspeed?”

“Yeah,” Chester chimed in. “If it’s bad here, it must be really bad in 2049 where he’s from.”

“Oh.” Barry forced himself to sober up. “Yeah, it is. What I mean to say is…Nora, she’s…she’s got thing’s handled, working hard.” He started smiling again. “And she has help!” Chester and Caitlin’s intrigued looks told him he had to sputter some nonsense fast. “From me! Future me, I mean. I’m still the Flash. In 23 years, I’m still…” He trailed off, daydreaming briefly about the things he’d just seen and experienced.

Sensing more questions from the two individuals in front of him however, he forced himself to snap out of it.

“Well, I gotta go! Text me when the Godspeeds return.”

“Wait, where are y-”

But it was no use. Barry had flashed away. There was no calling out to him with the expectation of him hearing and returning unless, as he’d said, the Godspeed clones returned and he was needed to attempt to defeat them.

“Let him be,” Chester said, brushing whatever questions they’d had aside. “He’s clearly happy. It’s been a while since we’ve seen him like that, what with everything going on. In fact, the last time I saw him that happy was-”

Caitlin studied him as he fell silent and avoided eye contact.

“What? When?” she asked.

“N-Nothing. Nevermind.” He powerwalked out into the hallway. “See you upstairs, Caitlin!”

She eyed his disappearing form with suspicion but decided not to push on that either. After a few more moments of contemplation, she followed the path Chester had taken back to the cortex upstairs.

…

When Barry reached the loft shortly thereafter, he was greeted by darkness and silence. It wasn’t alarming enough to dim his buzz though. He was too excited to talk to Iris. He had to remind himself that she wasn’t feeling well and to lower his voice when he talked to her, as well as maybe bring her something to eat and drink. She hadn’t vomited in a couple days, but she was still feeling under the weather. He had to contain his excitement enough to be a devoted, caring husband tending to her in her sickness.

He could do that, definitely.

As quietly as he could manage, he whipped together some chicken noodle soup and crackers and put them on a tray. Walking as stealthily as he could towards the staircase, he made it step by step without spilling the entrée.

Proud of himself for that, he gently kicked their bedroom door open with his foot.

“Iris, I brought you something.”

When he looked up, he was greeted to the sight of her reading in bed. She attempted a small smile when she saw what he was carrying and set her book to the side.

“Hey, Bear,” she said warmly, albeit with a croak to her voice. “What’s all this?”

His heart sank just a little at the sound of her, but it couldn’t quelch all the enthusiasm he had buried just beneath the surface.

He approached the bed, making sure to keep the tray even.

“The Godspeeds are currently not in Central City, at least in our time, so I thought I’d come home and dote on my wife a little.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet.”

She gripped the tray as he set it on her lap.

“And also to tell you that everything with Nora is alright.”

She froze, her hand halfway to the spoon, her other gripping the far side of the tray.

“What do you mean, alright?”

“Well…you know how I had that dream about Nora that made me think…” he trailed off, embarrassed now and not wanting to emotionally wound her like he’d done before.

“Barry,” she said softly.

“Well, I had another one, and it was…Nora was in danger, everything was wrong, I couldn’t breathe…” He shook his head, trying to shake himself of that dream. He had such a wonderful reality to replace it with now, but it was still hard to talk about.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, gently reaching for his hand.

Slowly, he sat on the side of the bed.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he admitted. “Plus, I didn’t know if you’d think I was ridiculous for getting upset by it given the last time I dreamed of Nora…well, it came to mean nothing, didn’t it?” He frowned.

Iris closed her eyes and shook her head.

“A nightmare is a nightmare, Barry. They’re upsetting to anyone whether they mean something or not. Remember when Psych infected the whole city with nightmares? Everyone was frightened, and with good reason.”

He nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

���It’s okay.” She offered a small smile. “You’re okay now it looks like.”

“Oh, yeah,” he assured her, his good mood quickly returning. “Better than okay.”

She managed a small, raspy laugh.

“And why is that?” She scooped up some broth on her spoon and blew on it.

“Well, because I went to the fu…ture.”

Belatedly, he realized that she might not like this bit of news. Especially given their two-seconds-ago talk that he should communicate things to her right away.

He gulped as he watched her lay down her spoon on the side of the bowl and set the tray on his side of the bed. He wondered if he’d still be sleeping there tonight.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Her voice was low and even, but her eyes were wild. She was not happy.

“Okay, look, I know I should’ve probably talked to you first.” He sprang up to his feet. “But Dig told me-”

“Dig was here?” she blanched.

His hand went behind his head where he awkwardly scratched.

“Yeah, he showed up with some new tech to use to help in the Godspeed war.”

She looked at him in disbelief.

“We caught one of the Godspeeds, but then he broke out and the tech broke, and I yelled at Chester, and all of this because, well…” He sat back down again. “I couldn’t stop thinking about Nora in those dreams. I was so worried about her, what all of this meant for her time. If there’s so much chaos and destruction right now in Central City, imagine in her time where they’re from. All I wanted to do was go check on her, make sure she was alright.”

“So, that’s what you did, I assume,” Iris said bitterly.

“After Dig talked me into it, yeah.”

“And who else did you tell about your grand adventure?”

Feeling uneasy now, he stood up again.

“I uh…told Cecile.”

“And?”

He swallowed. “And Chester and Caitlin.”

“So, everybody.” Angrily, Iris flung back the covers and forced herself out of bed, heading for the exit as fast as she could get there. “Everybody but me.”

“Iris, wait, please-”

He followed her at normal speed, not wanting to upset her further by jumping ahead of her in under a second.

She stopped suddenly once they got to the first floor.

“Did it ever occur to you, Barry, that this might be a bad idea?”

His eyes widened.

“Of course! It’s why I needed to be talked into it. Dig convinced me that making family my number one priority was the most important thing, more important than being here for when the Godspeeds returned again.”

“I suppose he neglected to mention how it shouldn’t be a decision you make on your own in the end, that you should discuss it with your wife, who I don’t know, maybe would die of happiness seeing her daughter again?” Her voice broke.

Barry’s heart crumbled.

“Iris, you were sick. You’re still sick. Traveling at super speed would’ve made you even more sick. Even if…even if you’re not…”

“Spit it out, Barry. If I’m not what? If I’m not pregnant?”

His eyes dipped down to the floor.

“Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not.”

His eyes flashed to hers.

“What do you mean?”

She closed some of the distance between them, no-nonsense in her tone when she spoke.

“How many times, Barry? How many times are you going to make life-changing decisions without talking to me first? Decisions that involve our children? That could change life as we know it? As they know it? Given your very happy mood when you showed up, I assume all was well in 2049?”

He gulped and nodded.

“Yes.”

“Well, suppose it won’t be after your little visit? And even if it is, Barry…you have to talk to me. It’s important that we’re a team. That’s what I signed up for when I married you, that we would communicate and be a unit in everything we did. I thought you had gotten past doing things rashly, based entirely on your emotions, but-”

“But I didn’t do it based on my emotions! I had to be talked into it, don’t you see? It was Dig that-”

“Oh, shut up about Dig!”

That silenced him.

“You used his advice as an excuse to go ahead and do what you know in your heart you were going to do anyway.”

“Iris.”

“No.” She shook her head and turned away, then stopped and looked back at him. “I thought you were ready. I thought we were ready. And I was excited when you called me a week ago claiming you knew that I was pregnant, only for it to just be based on some wishful thinking dream you had.”

He swallowed hard.

“You’re not ready, Barry. And I don’t know if you ever will be.”

Tears welled in her eyes.

Cautiously, he approached her.

“What are you saying, Iris?”

She took a breath and licked her lips.

“I’m saying I don’t want to try for Nora anymore. Not now, not for a while, maybe not… Maybe not ever.”

His jaw dropped. He couldn’t speak.

She closed her eyes and tears seeped out.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her breath hitching. “But right now, I don’t think you’d make a good father.”

Shell-shocked, he took one step back and then froze. Everything inside him came to a standstill. It even felt like his heart had stopped. Memories of meeting adult Nora again and…and her brother, who was apparently such a mama’s boy. To think they might not even exist in the future all because of this conversation right here.

He thought Iris would want to know all about their future children, but now…

“I’m going back upstairs,” she informed him, her tone clipped in the deafening silence of their living room. “Please don’t follow me.”

“Iri-” he tried, but she held up a hand to silence him.

“Don’t.”

Feeling helpless, he let her go up the stairs alone.

The sound of their bedroom door closing was so final that it seemed to echo off all the walls around him. Sensing a collapse was near, he entered the living room further and sat down on the couch, immediately putting his head in his hands and rocking slightly.

One thought clear as day drummed through his mind above all the others.

What have I done?

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 5 - The Stratosphere

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, where will they go?, 2.7k

@trevor-wilson-covington​ is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

“So, I was thinking,” Luke was saying to Julie once everyone was back in the green room, chatting lightly as they packed up their gear. “Maybe I could visit your mom in the hospital and play some songs for her. Cheer her up, you know?”

Julie looked so touched. Willie still didn’t know their whole story, but they seemed like a good fit. He had offered to help Alex load up his drums, but apparently there were people paid to do that here. Alex was just supervising it because he wanted to make sure they were handled right. It was a pity this place was full of techs and ushers and security because it was so tempting for Willie to try a few tricks on his board in there.

He’d finally gotten a proper introduction to everyone, and it turned out that all of Alex’s friends were great. The guys were all super chill, and he couldn’t thank Julie and Flynn enough for letting him be there to begin with. They seemed almost like a family. If he didn’t think about it too long, then he could ignore how badly he wanted to stay around all of them for as long as he could. Willie couldn’t remember anywhere that had felt so warm and open. He ran his fingers over the new bandage that he’d gotten on his hand.

Alex sat beside him, gear all stashed away.

“So, what’s your plan?” he asked.

“It’s a surprise,” Willie teased. “But it’s close.”

Alex looked around the room and then back at him with wonder in his eyes, raising the corners of his lips.

“Just the two of us though,” Willie added.

“Of course,” Alex nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, guys,” Luke spoke to the entire room. Flynn, Reggie, and Bobby stopped the silly hand clapping game they were in the middle of and all turned their heads to face him.

“Julie and I just came up with a super cool plan,” Luke continued. Julie stood with him, and Luke immediately stood back to let her speak.

“I told you guys that my mom’s cancer is back. She’s given a lot to me, and I don’t think I could ever give back everything. But it would be really neat if we all gave her a private mini concert.”

Cheers went around the room, making Julie beam with happiness.

“I know it’s short notice,” she went on. “But I want to try to do it once we’re all back in California.”

“But what about your shows in the next couple of days?” Flynn questioned.

“I’m gonna see if I can reschedule them. I know it isn’t an ideal thing to do but with my mom’s condition, I’ve gotta do what I can.”

Willie sat quietly. He would’ve been happy to be involved, but was too aware that he was staying here in Vegas. That same feeling of wrongness crept along his skin, making him fold his arms and rub his thumb where it rested. He wasn’t sure when he’d picked up the habit, but he was doing it a lot more often recently.

“Uh…” he started. “I’m gonna catch up with you guys later, if that's okay.” He glanced over at Willie in a subtle but giddy manner.

The group finished discussing plans about getting together for a quick practice and what kind of songs they would do for Julie’s mom. When Willie suggested Yellow Submarine, Alex advocated for it as well, and he was happy to have made at least some contribution to their ideas. Once all that was put together, everyone got ready to go their separate ways. All the guys shuffled toward their van and Alex hung behind for a moment.

The guys all looked mildly surprised, but ultimately shrugged.

“Catch you later, Alex,” Luke said, giving him a wink. Reggie was singing Yellow Submarine under his breath as they drove away, to which Willie giggled quietly.

“You ready?” he turned to Alex, noticing his hands were free from clutching the strap of his fanny pack this time.

“I guess I am,” Alex said, smiling through his nerves.

Willie took his hand tightly and carried his board with the other. Alex's smile only grew wider as they hurried out to the street. The goofy jerking between their hands only made them squeeze harder to keep contact. He could hear the delighted chuckle being released behind him as he guided Alex across the city. He felt his lungs let forth a youthful yell from his throat, and he felt like Peter Pan crowing as he flew through the stars.

People darted out of their way as they rushed onward. Willie eventually saw his target, the Stratosphere, and didn't even bother pausing before he pulled Alex through the entrance. The elevator was just being emptied and before anyone could stop them, he tugged Alex inside and pressed the buttons to get them to the highest floor. The doors shut and they felt the jolt of being lifted from the ground pull them downward.

"Aren't we supposed to pay for tickets?" Alex panted, laughing between breaths.

Willie, also doubled over in laughter, just shook his head.

"Capitalism sucks, man! Don't buy into it!"

Alex only wheezed, leaning into the wall for support. Eventually, they both sat on the floor and after a few more bouts of laughter were able to calm down and breathe normally.

"When you said you had your ways I didn't know you literally meant you could just walk in anywhere," Alex thought aloud.

"The concert was luck," Willie smiled. "Here, it's just practice."

Alex shook his head incredulously. They both sighed, feeling that strange tension that had been there back in the diner, except Willie felt it in his fingertips. He eyed Alex’s hand lying inches away, and imagined himself reaching through and lacing their fingers together.

"How's that relaxing going, by the way?" he wondered.

"Hard to tell with you around," Alex stated, sarcasm not to be missed.

"I'll take the compliment."

Their long ride inside the elevator was near the end, and they stood up as the numbers got closer. Willie felt Alex's pinkie reach for his and he was happily surprised at the feeling of skin twining with skin. It was like they didn’t have to say anything - they just felt the same things. The door opened to the fresh evening breeze and revealed the wonderful sight before them.

"Whoa," Alex breathed, immediately drawn to the view on the observation deck. The lights from below sparkled in his eyes and Willie followed as they came right up to the railing. Both of them sat in awed silence, watching everything blink and glitter beneath them. The mountains in the distance bordered everything in a gentle, majestic manner. Willie had been up here so many times and somehow never noticed the odd sense of being folded in angels' wings before.

“I’ve been an idiot,” Alex started saying. Willie turned his head in confusion. Their hands slipped apart as Alex began gesturing to emphasize his words. “I’ve been thinking all day about how everything goes wrong and expecting everything to go wrong. I haven’t been enjoying anything nearly as much as I should be right now.”

Willie didn’t reply just yet. He just looked at Alex, watching how tense he was still, almost as if he could see the lion in the cage inside his head. All he wanted was to set it free. He looked around, and while there were a couple people on the other side of the observation deck, they seemed likely to just take pictures and then head back down.

“You know what I love about being up here besides the view?” he asked Alex.

“What?”

Willie gripped the railing as hard as he could, took in a deep breath, and screamed out into the darkness. Alex looked around nervously, but only watched the other people on the deck make their way back to the elevator.

“You gotta try it,” Willie urged.

Alex braced himself against the barrier and gave a nice little yelp.

“Oh, are you a puppy up for adoption?” Willie joked, tugging on Alex’s jacket. “Your whole body needs to let go.”

Alex looked back at him with an intense focus, and then turned back to the railing. Filling his lungs to the brim, he yelled viciously over the top of it. Willie joined him and they both staggered between screaming and taking moments to breathe. Something about it said words beyond what they had spoken. Willie heard a unique sort of agony as Alex belted everything to the night. He wondered if his pain came through as well.

Alex finally sighed as he finished his last shout and then looked up at the sky and closed his eyes.

“I did enjoy that,” he said. “Thank you.” He dropped his posture and Willie smiled at seeing him finally loosen up.

“Didn’t know you had so much pent up rage,” he commented.

“I guess I didn’t either,” Alex said, chuckling darkly. He sat on the ground and looked up at Willie to follow suit. Taking a seat across from him, Willie eyed him curiously.

“Now what?” he asked.

“Staring contest,” Alex said plainly.

Unfortunately, Willie blinked immediately. Probably ten times in succession, actually. This time, Alex got to laugh.

“Okay, not an actual staring contest,” he said. “ But I’ve tried this with all the guys in the band. We look into each other’s eyes for a few minutes, no speaking, and we just....know each other better. Bobby’s the one who started it.”

Willie only nodded as they got into comfortable positions before locking eyes. He tried to silence any impulses for his mind to focus on anything else and channeled everything into looking at Alex. Even in the dim light, he picked up the green color staring back at him. The stillness outside rivaled the storm within them.

Slowly, the storm softened into waves of caring kindness. They were powerful, but low, as if Willie were wading in shallow water and letting them crash over him. Each wake broke upon him in just the way he wanted to collide with them. This wasn’t a tide where he would get lost in the danger of the deep. The current was pushing him back to the shore, toward safe ground. 

The image in his mind suddenly morphed, and he was transported from calming waves to a rickety road. Fields passed by as he found himself looking out a window. His vision steered to his left, and an older man with a jovial smile sat at the wheel, turning to him as if they’d been passing jokes between them. The man’s familiar laugh echoed in his head.

 Absent-mindedly, Willie grabbed Alex’s hand. Pulled out of his trance, Alex looked at him with concern.

“I just remembered something,” Willie said, sounding like he’d received divine communication. It almost felt like he had. That image was supposed to be locked away, he’d been told. Never to be known again.

“What, like you left the stove on or something?” Alex asked in confusion.

Willie shook his head seriously. His hand was still squeezing Alex’s but he couldn’t get it to loosen its grip. It wasn’t because the memory had scared him, but fear was present anyway.

“No.” His eyes had trouble focusing on Alex’s face, now. “I think I remembered my dad. Like we were driving together. I remembered him.”

Alex dipped his head lower as he tried to figure out what Willie meant.

Willie bit his lip and looked at him apprehensively. This wasn’t the intended topic of discussion tonight. It wasn’t a subject he was usually allowed to speak of to begin with. He opened his mouth and clamped it shut, and then opened it again.

“I have retrograde amnesia,” he confessed.

Alex’s jaw slacked and hung open for a minute. Willie wasn’t sure how long he could handle this gorgeous boy blinking at him in disbelief before Alex closed it again.

“Oh my god, Willie,” he started, still sounding unsure but remaining gentle.

“I’m sorry, that’s sort of a really big thing to just drop on somebody,” Willie started.

“No, no, you don’t need to be sorry,” Alex soothed. “But, oh my god, you just remembered something.”

Willie ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath.

“Yeah… I did,” he said, just realizing the significance of that himself. His past wasn’t entirely under lock and key. That...brought a lot of emotions with it.

“Wait, so how long have you been like this?” Alex asked.

“About a year and a half,” Willie told him solemnly. “Caleb told me I was hit by a car when I was out skating. I even have a scar.” He lifted his hair and turned his head so Alex could get a look. Alex grimaced and shook his head, clearly not liking the visual he’d received in his mind.

“You’re lucky you’re not dead,” he said.

“Yeah, Caleb said that too.”

“Wait, who’s Caleb?” Alex blurted.

“Oh,” Willie looked downcast. “He’s my legal guardian. And my boss. You saw him this morning, remember?”

“That’s your legal guardian?” Alex said, sounding slightly upset. “Guy gave me the creeps.”

“That’s fair,” Alex said, sounding a little unconvinced of his own statement. He sat quietly for a minute. Willie studied him, worried about how he would respond next. Any fun had been sucked out of the air due to his own personal business.

“Yeah, well,” Willie shrugged. “He does that. But, what can I do, you know?”

“So, for the past year and a half,” Alex started. “You’ve had nobody except your boss?”

Wow, that hit him right in between the eyes. Willie hadn’t actually considered that before. He blinked momentarily and then looked directly into Alex’s eyes as pain slowly took over. Then hot tears welled up, causing him to look away.

“I guess not,” he said quietly, his voice already trembling. Before he could huddle into a little ball, Alex’s arms were around him, pressing his head to his chest. Heaving a sigh, he let the tears fall as quietly as he dared to be. His hand crept up to hold onto Alex’s shoulder and gripped tightly. A funny weight was felt on the top of his head, and he realized Alex was running his fingers through his hair. It was so soothing, so...sweet. Willie didn’t realize that was something he missed from his many forgotten memories.

Soon, he straightened up and wiped his eyes.

“Thank you,” he said to Alex, knowing he couldn’t possibly convey how grateful he truly was.

“Of course,” Alex assured him, still gazing upon him tenderly.

“I guess I killed the mood, huh?” Willie attempted to joke. Alex simply smirked and shook his head.

“For what it’s worth, I was totally lost in your eyes, so I needed to come back to reality.”

Willie couldn’t help but smile, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“That was for free,” he said, already getting back into step with his sense of humor. “I charge everyone else.”

Alex quietly entered the hotel and slipped into the door of their room. The guys had thankfully left it ajar so he wouldn’t be locked out. Luke was already lightly snoring on the couch, and he saw that Reggie and Bobby had both taken the larger bed. Carefully pulling his fanny pack over his head and setting it on the side table, he kicked off his shoes.

“Hey, Alex,” he heard Reggie whispering. Dammit. “How’d it go?”

The entire night replayed on fast forward in his mind, and he couldn’t get over the beauty of it all. The weight of it all.

“It was good, Reg,” he whispered back. He quickly changed and climbed into the bed that came down from the wall. Too many thoughts and feelings swirled in his mind like a cajun soup. Willie was amazing. There was nothing else to it except smaller details that attested to the same fact. Today had been all he would have of him, though. His mind paused on that thought as silence filled his ears.

“Did you kiss him?” Reggie whispered out of the blue in curiosity.

“Hey, bigger spoon,” Bobby mumbled groggily. “Be quiet.”

Alex didn’t answer, but smiled quietly to himself. He should have kissed him.

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝don't be embarrassed.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Amajiki Tamaki ]

「Scenario of  Midoriya, Bakugou and Tamaki where their S/O is touch starved so she constantly tries to hug them or hold their hands but they panic and yanks their hand or told her to stop because it's embarrassing since they started dating not long ago and she "gets the message" and stops trying to touch them at all because she doesn't want to bother them. 」

MIDORIYA IZUKU

Its been only two weeks since you both started dating. You and Midoriya were what people call the ideal couple. You were always looked after one another and knew each other like the back of your hands. During the two weeks you dated, you have been quite you touchy. When you both walked back to and from the dorms, you would always link arms with him or hold his hand. The viridian haired boy is one nervous wreck, he never thought that he’d be able to date someone as amazing as you.

He’s trying his best, really. But he gets flustered whenever you initiate anything. Something as simple as holding hands got him flustered. It’s not because he dislikes PDA or anything, even behind closed doors, he gets super nervous. You were a touch starved person and you never shied away from showing affection. Whenever you see the chance, you would shower him with affection. He doesn’t hate it but he just gets very, very nervous when it comes to you. Midoriya loves you a lot but gives him some time to get used to PDA and all that.

Today was another tiring day at UA, you were looking forward to studying with your boyfriend. He was one of the smart students in class and he’s very patient with you when teaching. Not to mention, you get to spend time with your favorite person. As soon as class ended, Midoriya came to your table and the two of you headed back to the dorms together. You reach out to hold his hand only for him to panic and pull his hand away from yours. His cheeks were red, eyes darting to side to avoid his gaze. 

"Stop it, it's embarrassing.....We just started dating recently and....." he mutters. You thought about it and realized that you've been quite pushy and forcing him to follow you. Midoriya avoids your gaze, afraid that he might've upset you somehow.

"Ah, sorry. I'll stop. I must be bothering you." you beamed instead. You loved Midoriya and if he's not comfortable with it, you'll hold back for his sake. Retracting your hand back, you settled with just walking next to him and began to talk about something completely random to not make it awkward.

After that, you stopped trying to touch him. He was sure that you were upset. You stopped reaching out to hold his hands or even give him a hug. Even when the two of you were alone, you didn't try to initiate anything. He knew that he was a shy person and strays away from PDA but he doesn't really mind it when you do it in the privacy of either of your rooms. But now, you stopped completely and he has no idea what he was supposed to do. Does he man up and initiate himself or wait for you? Then again, he was the one telling you to stop.

Today, you both were in your room, watching a movie that Uraraka had recommended. You were seated next to each other with a small gap between the two of you. He saw you fiddling with your fingers, looking a bit restless as your leg bounced. At this point, Midoriya wasn't even paying attention to the movie anymore. Instead, all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold your hand. When was the last time he held it? It felt like weeks, he missed your touch so much. He shouldn't have told you to stop. It wasn't embarrassing at all, it made him feel loved.

"Izuku? What's wrong?" you asked.

Before he knew it, he was holding your hand. You could see that his face was burning bright red but he squeezed your hand and doesn't seem like he wanted to let go.

"S-Sorry. For telling you to stop holding my hand, last time. I didn't mean it that way! It's just that I'm not used to affection and you're so affectionate, I don't really know how to react. I always pull away and tell you to stop it. Sorry for calling you bothersome! I don't want you to stop! I really like it when you hold my hand and hug me―"

"Woah, Izuku! Slow down." you moved closer and cupped his cheek, a worried look crossing your face. He looked like he was on the verge of crying and genuinely thought that it was his fault.

"It's nothing you should be sorry for. We should've talked with each other about this." you smiled gently at him as he rested his head on your shoulder. Midoriya relaxed and shifted closer to you.

"Can we cuddle?" he mumbles.

"Of course we can."

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

"Sorry to make you wait, Katsuki!" you linked your arm with his which caused him to jerk forward in surprise. The male let out a grumble in surprise, muttering something under his breath while you giggled in response. It was always like this with Bakugou and you've gotten used to it.

Your relationship with the explosive boy was quite odd. You were the typical, bubbly girl that everyone loved talking to while he's the angry, intimidating boy people steered away from. How you got together was really a mystery. Bakugou prefers to be left alone, despite his objections, he often ends up letting you hang around with him. You were quite persistent and it took quite a long time for him to admit that you two were friends. You had been the first

It's been only a week since you both started dating and nothing much has changed between the two of you. Bakugou always seems to avoid being affectionate with you but on the other hand, you were quite touchy and affectionate. Before you both started dating, you seem to like grabbing his arm when you wanted to show him something and he usually complained about it. He would shout at you and the first few times, he would yank his arm away. Over time, he decided to just leave it be. He still yelled at you but never did anything to make you let go. So when you both started dating, you thought that he would be okay with that kind of thing.

"Stop being so embarrassing, idiot!" he yanks his hand away from you. The moment he yanks his hand away, you thought that it was bothering him after all. Frowning slightly, you moved your hands behind your back. The last thing you wanted was to be a bother to the person you love.

"Okay, then. I'll stop."

Bakugou was surprised that you showed no resistance at all. He expected you to whine and complain about it. Perhaps, you would bring up about how you're both now a couple and this kind of thing is completely normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. But you didn't. He wondered if he was too harsh with his words. You didn't seem that affected, going on about your day like usual without a care in the world. He couldn't tell whether you were upset about it or not, especially when you're really good at hiding your feelings.

After a few days, he was 100% sure that you were upset about it. The times you walked back to the dorms with him, you made sure to leave a certain amount of distance between the two of you. When your fingers brush, you would apologize and move away a bit. Bakugou knows that he had been an asshole, you really don't deserve to be yelled at just for being a bit touchy. He needs to apologize. That's why he invited you out for dinner. It was your favorite ramen place. The two of you ate and left, tummy satisfied.

"It's not like you to invite me to dinner. What's the occasion?" you asked. Bakugou kept his mouth shut, watching as you skipped in front of him while he walked behind you. He stared longingly at your hand that was swinging back and forth. Before he realized it, his own hand reached to grab yours. The two of you stopped walking and you turned to face your boyfriend.

"Sorry." he mumbled so quietly that you could barely hear him.

"Sorry, say that again? Are you okay? You're acting weird." you asked.

"I said I'm sorry!" he said louder.

"What are you sorry for? Was it because of yesterday when you―"

"Listen! I just wanted you to be less touchy.....I'm not fucking good at this yucky shit you people call affection. But it doesn't mean that you have to avoid me entirely." he grumbles out, avoiding your gaze. You let out a sigh, you didn't think that he felt guilty over that. It really wasn't a big deal. You knew that he probably just wanted some space and you misinterpreted his words, thinking that he was embarrassed when you were affectionate.

"Oh, Katsuki.....I'm not upset over it okay? I just thought that you didn't like me being affectionate in public." you grabbed hold of his hand and intertwined your fingers together. Bakugou kept his attention on his feet, refusing to meet your eyes. You gently tugged him towards you, motioning him to follow you.

"C'mon, let's go home." you smiled. Bakugou didn't do anything to make you let go of his hand. The male let you hold his hand the entire way back to the dorms without complaining nor showing signs of wanting to let go. He might be a bit embarrassed to be holding hands with you but he never voiced out that he hated it. In fact, he likes how your hand fits perfectly with his and how happy you look as you swung your intertwined hands back and forth.

AMAJIKI TAMAKI 

The two of you were complete opposites and it was a surprise for everyone to know that you both started dating. A lot of people wondered how since you were such a bubbly and outgoing person while he's introverted. Nonetheless, you were a good couple in everyone's eyes. You were quite affectionate both in public and private. On the other hand, Tamaki was more comfortable with affection behind closed doors. He even struggled sometimes even when it comes to private affection, getting flustered whenever your fingers blush and completely malfunctioning when you hugged him.

You were aware of Tamaki's situation and feelings towards affection and your relationship in general. He's very happy to be dating you. When it comes to showing affection in public, he'd blush profusely and tries his best to deal with it. This guy would be very nervous and shaky the entire time but he does his very best to deal with it. You often grabbed hold of his hand while you're walking side by side, sometimes going ask far as to latch yourself onto his arm. You had no problems kissing him on the cheek in public and honestly, every single time you did that, he thinks that he would faint on the spot.

"Tamaki! Whatcha spacing out for?" you linked your arm with his, earning a loud yelp from the male.

"[F-First Name]!" Tamaki's entire face was red and he was taken by surprise. The black-haired male panicked and yanks his hand away from yours. He looked away from you, avoiding your gaze. You took a moment to study his facial features but since he was looking down, you couldn't see his face.

"Stop.....! It's embarrassing." he mutters. It was expected. You both started dating a week ago and this level of affection was probably a bit too much for the introverted and meek Tamaki. You frowned, realizing that you had been forcing him to go along with you this entire time. You knew that you shouldn't have been too affectionate with him so early in the relationship. In the end, you moved your hand back to your side, thinking that it was best to give him some space and not bother him. 

"Sorry." you forced a smile. Tamaki did not miss the way your lips trembled, fully aware that you were forcing a smile. You pointed out to the restaurant you were both heading to and went ahead before he could even say anything to you. The male frowned, thinking that he had made you upset by telling you to stop. He knew that he was really shy and preferred to have dates inside his house or somewhere more private. But he can't do that all the time.

It didn't take long for him to notice that he had royally fucked up. You didn't make a single move to hold his hand nor even hug him. He was so used to you latching onto him the moment school ended, hands intertwined as two of you walked back to the dorms. Instead, you gave him a wave and walked by his side. The usual kiss on the cheek he gets as a thank you for walking you back was no more. You thanked him verbally instead of rewarding him with those small kisses. Tamaki has never felt so guilty in his entire life before. He didn't want to talk to you about it because he knows it was his fault. And he had to fix it himself. He missed your affectionate ways of showing your love to him.

Tamaki decided to invite you out during the weekends. He has never done anything like this before, usually he lets you decide where to go because he's not that confident in planning a date. You seem surprised that he took initiative and asked you out. It was a short walk to the train station and he was staring at your hand the entire time. He had to get over his shyness, he wanted to show you that he loved you as much as you loved him. The more he stared at your hand, the anxiety within him intensified. In the end, he decided to fuck it all and grab your hand. You were surprised that he made the first move but it didn't last long. 

The ringing from the bicycle approaching made him jump and let go of your hand. And after that, he struggled to hold your hand again. It wasn't that hard for you to figure out that he was trying to hold your hand, possibly feeling bad over that one time he shook your hand off of him. You stopped in your tracks and ensured that you were in a more quiet part of the neighborhood. 

“Tamaki.....you really don't have to force yourself for my sake. You don't have to force yourself to show affection. I know that it's out of your comfort zone and I completely understand that.” you said.

"I-It's not that! I'm not forcing myself! I just.....really wanted to hold your hand." Tamaki muttered the last part mostly to himself.

"It's not embarrassing at all. The problem is me because I get embarrassed easily and....." you didn't hear the rest of his sentence because he was muttering to himself. You put your hand behind your ear and leaned closer towards your boyfriend in hopes of hearing him better.

"Um, Tamaki, I can't really hear you."

"I like it when you're affectionate! So don't stop!" he let out his voice. It didn't take long for him to realize that he had raised his voice, his entire face was beet red. Really, it was embarrassing but as long as you understood his feelings, it didn't really matter at this point. You giggled gently to yourself, and hooked your pinky with his.

"If you can't handle holding hands in public, let's start with our pinkies."

Total: 2605 words  Published: 24.09.2020

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Thank you for requesting it! Potential angsty request but we held back. Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

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