#going to be clear I 100% prefer what we got

[purpletyn]

There’s an alternate timeline where Martyn killed impulse when he asked and Scott and Martyn did a fist fight, and there would be a bunch of angsty fanart that showed Martyn with bloody fists and we’d all be flipping our shit over how the hand killed his ally with nothing but fists

[judesmoonbeauty]

2024 Villain’s Festival: Jude Jazza Bonus Story Part 2 ♛

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere. *I don't know what happened today, but I was exhausted and for some reason, part 2 was extremely difficult to translate. I had to edit the entire thing three times, so I apologize if the translation isn't as smooth as it could be. But I hope you still enjoy our sadistic fairy in part 2 ♥︎

In the meantime, Jude and I decided to have breakfast, so we visited a nearby park.

I sit down on the grass with a good view and take a bite of the bread that was just handed to me.

Kate: Mm….delicious!

Kate: The bread served at Crown Castle is good, but I like the buttery flavor of the bread here!

Jude: Well, good for ya.

Kate: By the way, Jude, you know a lot about the bread I like, don’t you?

Jude: It's a basic part of business to learn people's tastes and preferences. Ya were just in my head because ya were being so loud.

Jude: Instead, there's no hope for ya, I'll take ya around on my own today.

(Jude is willing to spend time with me, even if it's for money.)

Jude would be able to forcefully take the necklace from me.

But instead of doing that, he is following the rules and trying to steal my heart.

(Jude is a man who keeps his promises, no matter what they are.)

Kate: Jude, I'm going to make some  conditions for you to take my heart.

Jude: Conditions? You're so high and mighty, tellin’ people what to do. Since when did ya become such a big woman?

Kate: Because the heart is invisible, so I think it's better to have some kind of clear goal.

Jude: Tell me.

Kate: Food that I will never forget, food that I’ll truly enjoy, and will want to continue to eat. 

Jude: Find this…….

Jude: That’s too many conditions.

Kate: Because with fewer requirements, you would find them too quickly Jude.

Jude: Tch…..Let’s go.

From then until sunset, Jude took me around to various shops.

Jude: Oi…. You've got to stop this. Why can’t I pass the review?

Kate: Jude, It's true that the food at the restaurant you introduced me to is delicious, right?

Kate: However, if you ask me if I would go there myself, I would say...

The shop Jude introduced me to has slightly higher prices than the shops I usually go to.

Of course, the taste is guaranteed to be worth the price, but it's difficult to buy it myself so often.

(However, since he spent so much time introducing various things, I guess it would be better to let him pass the review...)

(It's already late and I'm getting full from eating so much...)

Kate: Jude, thank you for your time today.

Kate: Well, as a thank you for keeping me company all day, I'd like to give you the necklace... ....

Jude: That’s different from the first condition. There's no point in acceptin’ it like that.

Surprisingly, Jude did not accept my necklace.

Jude is very rule-abiding and disciplined.

(But I'd like to give something back…..)

(….that’s it.)

Kate: Jude, we've been walking a lot, so why not have something cold to eat at the end? My treat. 

I told Jude to wait for me and bought some ice cream from the street corner.

Kate: It's much cheaper than the food that you introduced me to today Jude, but...

I handed one to Jude, who accepted it without a word.

Kate: Hm…delicious! After a long day of walking, something cold and sweet hits the spot. 

Jude: Well, that's about right.

When I was looked at Jude from the side, our gazes collided with each other.

Jude: Isn't it bad manners to stare at other people eatin’?

Kate: Because I was so happy to see your ‘it’s delicious face’ that I just couldn't resist, Jude.

Kate: It's cheap and easy to buy, so you can eat it like this over and over again.

Kate: Next time I eat it, I will surely remember today!

Jude: You're such a long-winded princess, aren'tcha?

Kate: What?

Jude: The conditions have been met.

I didn't mean to say much, but Jude chuckled.

Jude: Food that you’ll never forget, food that you’ll truly enjoy, and will want to continue to eat.

Jude: I've met all three. I wasn't told it was my job to find them.

Kate: Haha…

Jude: There's nothin’ to laugh at.

Kate: When we first met today, Jude had changed the way he spoke, and I felt very uncomfortable.

Kate: Just….I'm so relieved to see that you're your usual self Jude.

Victor declared, "The supreme evil that steals her heart will be the winner.”

The title of the greatest evil is worthy of the current Jude, who never gave up on winning until the very end.

Kate: Please. It's the necklace I promised you.

Jude: Hah....... I can't believe it took me this long to get here, I didn't attack this right the first time.

Jude: Ya weren't satisfied with the kind young man you see in romance novels.

Jude: You'll be happy if I torture ya like I always do, won’tcha?

Kate: That’s an improper expression!

Jude: There's no such thing as an improper expression, is there Princess?

Kate: It’s differ….

I hastily swallow the denial that almost leaves my mouth.

(Because if I deny Jude's words now.….)

(……I was satisfied, not because I like to be tortured)

(I liked Jude as he was, not as a nice young man.)

Jude: I knew it.

Mr. Jude throws a ridiculing look at me as I remain silent.

I gave my heart to an arrogant fairy who shot me with his gaze.

[Previous] [Master List]

[comicaurora]

If you still have Sailor Moon on the brain, did watching it at all give you any options you wish to share about other magical girl esk media you wish existed or your own take on how you would create a story in that media space?

If not, then maybe, if you're inclined to, recount some interesting findings about the connections that exist between shojo and shonen media?

(If neither then please disregard, sorry for imposing)

It was interesting! I was surprised at how much it had in common with shonen action anime. Half the boss battles get resolved with a beam clash and the only difference between Super Saiyan and Neo Queen Serenity is whether the hair or the outfit changes.

The one part I found myself sliding off of - due to personal writing preference - is how Usagi is the defacto center of the universe and everyone else is very explicitly playing support. That's part of why I liked the Outer Senshi so much - because they've all got their own ludicrously OP stuff going on, they feel more like equals to Usagi than glorified bodyguards. The inner planet senshi get their own character arcs, which is excellent, but after a while it's pretty clear that none of them can ever finish a fight without Sailor Moon. And that's fine, that's the pretense of the story - their jobs are very explicitly to protect the turbopowerful demigoddess moon princess while she gets her act together enough to remember she can win - but I prefer writing an ensemble cast where everyone feels like the hero of their own story, not the support in someone else's, and that's pretty much antithetical to the core premise of the show.

It also has a lot of the hallmarks of a soft magic system that I personally struggle with - the old "you win by believing in yourself" thing basically means "you win when the plot demands it would be most interesting for you to win" - but again, they can get away with a lot by letting the actual core premise of the universe's power system be stuff like "a pure heart gives you strength" and "the power of love will legitimately make you more powerful." And I respect that the show doesn't just give people powerups whenever - one of the parts I found most emotionally impactful was in the finale of season 3, when Sailor Saturn is going to fight the big bad all by herself and will 100% definitely die in the process, and because Sailor Moon has sacrificed the season's macguffin, she can no longer transform into her powered-up form to help - which doesn't stop her from screaming the transformation phrase over and over, because she is desperate to save Sailor Saturn even if she's been told it can't possibly work. When she gets her The Most Purest Heart Ever powerup at the last possible second, that feels excellent because it's a profoundly impactful character moment that's being supported by the plot with a tangible powerup. It's pretty telling that we don't even see the final bossfight; it's not about the spectacle or the beam clash, it's about the character arcs that surround them. I think that's a really interesting way to handle it and to add depth to an otherwise basic "whose number is bigger" style struggle.

I'm also deeply fond of paragons, and as the seasons go on I really like how Usagi's ultimately kind personality drives her to constantly help, no matter the personal cost or how aggressively people try to dissuade her - and I like that she gets angry and frustrated and even says or does harsh things sometimes, but will ultimately always do what she thinks is right. It makes her feel like a real human being, and the "weaknesses" and flaws in her character - aka the parts that make her something more complicated than a perfectly stoic problem-solving machine - are a lot of fun to watch.

Personal preference, I'd like to see more magical girl stuff where the central pillar of the plot is not a constant will-they-won't-they het romance - but I also like how Sailor Moon as a series is legitimately aware that this is not actually the de facto most important relationship for everyone. Surprising multitude of gay characters aside, I recently caught a season 2 episode where Makoto donates blood to save a close friend, and explains to Usagi that she isn't in love with him, but they have an incredibly profound friendship that's more important to her than any boyfriend, a concept with startles and confuses Usagi. It seems to be a case where the heroine has a Foundational Romantic Subplot that defines the course of her life and the plot, but the rest of the characters get to have more complicated dynamics where their life goals aren't "omg boys", and I liked that a lot!

When comparing and contrasting it to shonen action anime, I think the magical girl genre manages to integrate the lower-stakes slice of life elements significantly more smoothly, and to great effect - the 90% of the show that's silly and ridiculous makes the 10% of it that's extremely serious and gutwrenching much more impactful. That's something that a lot of shonen series struggle with, where the tone goes from "moderately serious with the occasional goof" to "extremely serious with major character deaths." The magical girl genre going from "the dumbest episode premise you've ever heard" to "extremely serious with major character deaths" is a much more precipitous plunge into icy water, as it were.

When I think about how I would write a magical girl story, I basically just smack into the premise of Exalted. Its worldbuilding has exactly what I want - an interesting system of powerset-reincarnation into worthy hosts that allows for complex interpersonal dynamics through varying levels of memory preservation, several different flavors of magical transforming person including Evil Versions, and the one thing I prioritize in my own writing - a world that feels like it can have a lot of main characters and heroes of their own story. Everyone in Exalted has their own shit going on and their own past-life drama, including former friend groups/adventuring parties, soulmates (both regular and evil versions), and anyone who might've previously killed them. Most importantly for my preferences, there's no default main character of the universe. If I were to make an urban fantasy magical girl setting, I'd probably use an extremely similar premise because I find the ramifications of it unbelievably interesting in a way the system itself is not designed to explore.

[sillylil-sideblog]

I had this idea for a Lucifer x Reader. It was inspired by @annwe24 ‘s Sugar Daddy Fic (Which I love so far btw!! ❤️)

To put it simply it was Lucifer falling in love with the Reader at first sight, and with some slightly-misguided advice from the Hotel Residents, had began going to dinner with them & doing stuff for payment, since I think he’d like to use his money as a gift-giving love language. Though, the way he does it is rather wrong, and is perceived badly by the reader. So after a while, they finally talk.

It isn’t the full idea really, but it is a snippet of it. :] I haven’t really written fics before so I’m pretty proud of it.

Let me know if you guys like it ^^ or if there’s any tips you got.

(I’m sorry if it’s not very good, this is the byproduct of a 1am idea & those typically don’t of well ^^;)

MENTIONS: Hella angst, mentions of sex, reader has four arms (because they’re cool)

———————————————

“… I can’t do this anymore, Lucifer.”

Lucifer’s concentration lifts up from his half-unbuttoned shirt, his eyes shifting to Y/N with a puzzled expression.

“Why, w-whatever do you mean, darling?”

Y/N’s back was turned away from him, head looking down as their upper hands froze at hem of their skirt.

“Oh! Did ya want to try something new tonight? I’m happy for any suggestions, you know I’m not against much, my dear—“

“No, Luci, I… I-I mean all of this. Our arrangement. It’s done.”

Lucifer turns his body slightly to face them, his brows slightly furrowed as his hands gently moved from his shirt’s middle button.

“Everyday it’s the same dry conversation… the same restaurant, the same sex, the same paycheck, the same cold silence that befalls my apartment each night, the same crimson jewelry— which isn’t even my favorite color, by the way! I don’t remember saying crimson was ever my favorite…”

Y/N turns at their comment of the jewelry, a hand grazing the bejeweled necklace that laid across their neck.

“W-WEHell… uhm… why didn’t you say so, my love! W-We could’ve always went somewhere else, y’know! And I could get you something else, w-whatever you’d like, dear! N-No need to get so upset—“

Lucifer replied, an air of confidence, not reassurance, that plagued his voice in his last few words and stung through their heart. Their hidden, glaring eyes shut as their muscles tightened.

“It’s baby yellow, by the way.”

“…Wh—“

“I like how warm and light it is, like if a loving hug were a color. And I’ve always hated fancy restaurants because I’ve never seen the appeal of spending hours dressing up to go to a place and spend over 100$ for like a 4 ounce salmon; and for what? Just for some prissy pathetic snobs to give me the side eye for not knowing which of the fucking dozens of forks to use?”

They lectured, body fully facing him now, eyes staring practically into his very soul.

“I prefer thunderstorms over clear skies. Tea over coffee. Cats over dogs. I rarely, if ever drink alcohol because I hate its bitter taste and the warm feeling it pulses in my ears; and I hate who I am when i’m tipsy. It’s why I never smoke, or never did drugs, either. Not because I wanted to be better, but because I didn’t want to become worse. Because I didn’t want to fucking atrophy like everyone else has in this god-forsaken place and lose who I am to people who don’t care about me.”

Y/N clutched the fabric of their dress tightly, tears pricking their eyes as their voice cracked, but they continued on. Their words became louder and stronger with each syllable. Though it broke as their tears fell, eyes now softened as they stared upon a shocked Lucifer standing near the foot of his bed.

“...I am not going to lose myself again. And I can’t let you take that from me.”

“S…S-Sweetheart, what are you saying—“

Lucifer pleads with a heave of his breath. He’s focused now; palms gripping onto air as his gaze shifts so chaotically as if trying to break their hardened gaze. Y/N slowly step over to the wrapped present, cradling it gently in their grasp. Their eyes stiffen at the sight of it as a sigh escapes their lips. After a pause, they looks up, turning their face to Lucifer’s. His eyes were wide; and Y/N swore they saw the red tones in his eyes shift like a whirlpool as his surprised, almost scared expression were fixated on them.

“..This box contains all the money you’ve given me in these past few weeks...”

As Y/N’s lower arms support the box, their upper ones slowly lift up to unclip the dark crimson necklace that was freshly placed on their neck before. They then lift up the lid, and slide the necklace inside. Lucifer’s eyes sharply follow as it slips into the box. His heart sank at the sound of it clanking among the other jewelry inside, tears threatening to fall across his porcelain skin.

“…And all the jewelry you have ever gifted me.”

Lucifer stared at the box in bewilderment.

“W-Why… Y-You don’t need to give that back, that’s yours— a-and there more to come we— *huff* We don’t have to do it tonight, we can do whatever you’d like, and we’ll go to dinner again.. t-tomorrow, and…”

They look at him with a softened gaze, but not one in love, but in acceptance; A simple, bittersweet realization behind such bright eyes. A look that killed him inside. Because he knew what it was.

“…Thank you for this opportunity. And I hope you find someone better worth your time.”

They spoke, their tone soften now as they gently grabbed their things and put their hand on the doorknob. As Lucifer heard the click of the lock his tears finally broke out of their prideful cage, as he swiftly made his way over to them and grabbing them by the hand.

“Swee- Y-Y/N, please. I-I never meant to do that, any of that! We don’t h-have to go back there again, I’ll give you light yellow jewelry a-and whatever you desire, there’s nothing I can’t do, please! I-I’ll be better this time, better for you!”

Y/N looks down at Lucifer as he’s on his knees, pitch black arms practically gripping onto their gloved hand like he will fall into the vaccum of space if he doesn’t. Golden tears fall down his face in an almost bittersweet rhythm, his eyes swirling in sorrow and shame and he looks up to them as if for salvation. Their muscles relax, but their gaze doesn’t falter.

“Just please don’t go.”

They remain there for a few seconds; a few seconds that felt like such a stabbing eternity. As if you could feel the weight of 10,000 years upon its air. As if it were there before. They take his hand, slowly, up to their face.. and gently place a kiss upon his soft knuckles. A small, light tear streams down their face as their eyes close in earnest. They slowly lift their head up, and look down upon Lucifer with a firm glare once again.

“…Goodbye, your majesty.”

They let his hand slip gently through their fingers as they open the door and step out of his room, closing it with a swift shut behind them. Lucifer’s hand remained there, outstretched, as his ears wailed at the sound of their fading footsteps.

Y/N strutted down that darkened hallway, the moonlight shining down from the windows slowly fading from their form. As they walked towards the mansion door, the tears finally broke, streaming down their face as they undauntedly marched forward; and opened the door.

————————

[sophieinwonderland]

(Might as well get this reply to a syscourse post about me out of my drafts too.)

You hit the nail on the head when you said "if it's not fun" that you don't see the point, even if it also has to do with what you believe you're doing to help. You're here to have fun firstly, and if the work of eradicating bigotry isn't fun, you're not all that interested.

I've been here for years having the same discussions, trying to help people when I can and do my best to help grow the community and counter misinformation where I see it.

And there are a lot of days when it can feel exhausting.

I'm one person. And I'm arguably not even an entire one of those. I don't front nearly as much as my host, and most of the time I get ends up dedicated to this.

So yes, I do want some of the time I spend on this blog to be on topics I enjoy.

And nitpicking this just feels gross and manipulative.

I don't particularly care about the anti-psych conversation. I think we all agree there are significant flaws in the psych system. It just seems to me that your plan to fix those flaws would be destroying what's there and rebuilding it completely, where I would prefer the Ship of Theseus approach of replacing it bit by bit.

I don't generally use spoon theory much, but I don't know a better way to put it than saying I don't have the spoons to hash this out. Or at least, it's not somewhere I think would be beneficial to dedicate them towards. 🤷‍♀️

The heart of deradicalization is compassion. To disentangle bigotry from big, messy emotions, you have to approach it from an emotional standpoint.

Absolutely! This is 100% true! If you want to deradicalize, this is the best approach.

When it works, anyway. Thing is, I tried this approach early on. Spent a couple months talking to an anti-endo. I honestly thought we were on good terms and that I was making progress. We had been exchanging questions about our own experiences with plurality.

Then when I was banned, they turned around and cheered along with most of the anti-community.

Even then, I wasn't going to completely give up on compassion. I tried more. But the thing about notoriety, whether deserved or not, is that it immediately poisons any attempt at genuine conversation. By this point, I had already gotten a rather undeserved reputation among anti-endos, and if I tried communicating publicly with one, it wouldn't be long before they got an anon or reblog telling them how bad I supposedly was.

And while I feel my reputation was undeserved at the time, I realized that if I would never be able to convince them, I might as well play into my role as the boogeyman anti-endos want me to be.

No, calling anti-endos worse than parasites and an evil hate group is probably not going to deradicalize them. But they've already been fed so many lies about me personally and are primed to disregard anything I say anyway. Compassion from me won't work.

You know what I think this tactic does do, though? I think it shifts the middle ground for people who can't make a decision. Many people have a natural attraction to the center. It's a logical fallacy, but this too is rooted in emotions.

If the spectrum is "endos are scientifically impossible and are hurting trauma survivors and you're ableist for supporting them," and just "endogenic systems are actually real and valid," what do you think "neutral" means in such an environment? Because to me, it seems like centrism lands in favor of the anti-endo when these are the extremes presented to neutrals.

But amp up pro-endo rhetoric to match that of anti-endos, replying with "anti-endos are an evil anti-science hate group bent on hurting a marginalized community for existing," and now the center alignment shifts a bit more in the pro-endo direction.

And to be clear, this isn't far off from how I've always felt. The only things that's changed was a willingness to say it out loud. But I don't actually need to convince everyone this is true. I just need to shift what appears to be the moderate position to something that would actually be more moderate and advantageous to us.

...

And that brings me to one final gambit I'm making.

That I'm am going to lose people with these idea. That there will be some pro-endos who will be pushed away from this blog by me labeling anti-endos as a hate group or by my tactics in the way I respond to them.

These pro-endos will shift more towards moderate stances.

And that, IMO, can be useful too. Because it positions them to do what I can't, where they'll appear more approachable and "reasonable" to anti-endos. That allows these systems to do what I can't and be able to connect with people on the other side.

There is a reason why I will often turn a blind eye to pro-endos who are saying horrible things about me, personally, and just let them carry on. (As long as they aren't attacking other members of the community.) It's because, whether they are with me or against me, as long as they're pro-endo, they're still useful in spreading our message.

And I'll admit, this might be a dangerous play. Push people too far, and they might go straight to the anti-endo side.

But... I don't see that as too much of a risk... despite playing into the boogeyman persona anti-endos gave me, I have lines I don't cross. I'm not sending threats. I'm not saying people deserve to die. I'm not going on to positivity posts to start fights like Hyaena-Bites did back in the day. And if I see pro-endos crossing these lines, I do my best to rein them in or call them out.

I've intentionally established myself as an extremist in my views and rhetoric, certainly. But not in my actions.

Finally, for all that you position yourself as an expert in psychology, ironically, you yourself are acting in a way that serves to further radicalize anti-endos. Rather than learning and engaging with genuine, known, deradicalization tactics, you are the perfect "enemy" for the genuinely malicious anti-endos to use to convince the ones indoctrinated into thinking they're doing good that pro endos are dangerous.

To be clear, I've never positioned myself as an expert in psychology. I'm a girl with a blog who did a couple free psychology courses and has read a few papers in a very specialized area of interest.

But I think this line of reasoning is silly. Anti-endos are always going to be able to find targets to vilify and make into an enemy.

I just figure that if their enemy is inevitably going to be someone, it might as well be me. I think I'm better able to take harassment than many others in this community.

Putting a giant bullseye on my chest isn't an accident. It's an intentional decision.

But also... am I really? Am I really the "perfect enemy" to convince anti-endos that the endogenic community is dangerous?

Because guess what? There are a lot of pro-endos out there who take things too far. There was the doxxing incident a couple years ago. There are people who send death threats. There are people who send gore. There are genuinely abusive people who have been in various endogenic communities. That's not a problem with the community. It's just a fact that every large community is going to have bad people in it.

And then there's me who... is not always totally polite? Comes off a bit strong? Calls anti-endos a hate group? Calls them evil?

Do you really think this actually compares to the worst things in the community?

Does this really seem "dangerous" to you by comparison?

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Full Moon Stolitz thoughts

Alright I'm getting on this shit because I am obsessed with Stolitz unironically. Before I start this I want to be absolutely clear that (in my opinion) there is no "right" side in the overall situation between Blitz and Stolas. Both equally have problems that contribute to their miscommunication and I can sympathise with both of them. If you disagree, feel free to ignore this post and scroll on, I don't mind friendly debate with people I know well but strangers on the internet are a different story.

I do generally project heavily onto Blitz which yeah probably impacts my interpretation of this a lot but I'm just a guy on tumblr I'm not here to be 100% right I'm just posing my take on their behaviours etc etc

Mandatory Disclaimer: spoilers start below! Do not click read more if you care about spoilers for The Full Moon episode of Helluva Boss

That all said, I'm splitting this into three parts:

Blitz's behaviour throughout the episode

Stolas' behaviour throughout the episode

Blitz and Stolas' confrontation/argument/interaction at the end of the episode

Part One: Blitz's behaviour

Starting off with "When I See Him", the basics of it (that is played up a bit for comedy and more or less directly stated really at the start) is that Blitz is obviously covering up how he really feels by concentrating entirely on the sex he anticipates having, and acting like that is what is important to him.

Are we okay? Can't really say I'm getting by By avoiding his questions It's so complicated, I hate when it's complicated Why do I always end up in situations that are complicated?

Blitz knows there is something wrong, or off, between the two of them but he'd rather not talk or communicate about it - literally preferring to avoid the topic entirely because "complicated" = bad, and he has no idea how to fix that, despite the fact that most of his relationships have been and/or are still complicated, he doesn't know how to deal with that because he never learnt. He's started to with Fizz a bit at the very least, but he's definitely not in a place to do that with romantic relationships yet - but I digress.

Here I go again, getting in my head So I'll focus on the sexy stuff instead

Not too much to say about this part other than he is actively choosing to disregard his anxieties and worries about him and Stolas by putting on this mask of caring about the sex and nothing else. Honestly, not a surprise with Blitz, this is pretty average behaviour and is very much likely a common coping mechanism of his to avoid serious feelings when engaging in relationships of a romantic nature. Especially since he seems to place a lot of value in himself in how good he is in bed.

When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes No need to change things, I'll just bring the ropes and spikes[/spice*] We've got a nice arrangement And it's working out just fine We'll keep it light

Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex And make that bird squawk We'll just stick with what makes sense

Same as above, he's going to what's familiar and directly deciding he'd rather ignore any issues they have and not talk about them in favour of doing what they normally do on full moons and call it a night.

*my audio processing disorder really did not like that line, and I cannot completely tell if that's right - any mistakes in lyrics or other quotes from the show before or after this are almost definitely because of this so please feel free to correct me.

Moving on from the song, some things Blitz does or says during the conversation with Moxxie and Loona in the office that stick out to me.

It's the full moon, I gotta meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside his feathered ass.

This is personally really interesting to me since he's not been known to dress up explicitly to see Stolas before (excluding the posts that have been seen on the instagram accounts but I'm hesitant to count those as 100% hard canon, and they were outfits of a different variety - not a bowtie and suspenders as he's seen wearing in the episode). It's like he's trying very hard to impress him for.. some reason? I'm guessing he sees it as part of his whole plan to really sort of wow Stolas, get in there, get out, no touchy feely stuff. It comes off as the opposite to me though, it shows that he kind of values what Stolas think of him and his appearance - and that he wants to impress Stolas. This could just be him trying to prove his worth to Stolas so he doesn't get cast aside, but it could also be more.

This facial expression is very important to me. It's a split second frame of vulnerability in response to Loona saying the following:

Oh shit, he's getting bored of you.

This is genuine worry and concern on his face, he tried to cover it up with a smile but he is concerned. And yes, it could just be about losing the book, it probably is in part but I think it's more than that.

Loona also says this:

Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it, dicks.

When she says this Blitz reacts very on the defensive, repeating what she said mockingly and saying this:

How do you know, Loona?

It's a very defensive reaction and I'd bet he feels at least a little bit bruised and hurt at the thought of Stolas getting "bored" of him - which probably does not help at all with how he's struggling with how he currently feels about Stolas between the agreement for the book and not seeing him in a while.

Immediately after this interaction, he literally leaves his job (which like, yeah, he is own his boss I Guess he can do that whenever he wants but I can't imagine he does it a lot, I Hope, unless he thinks it's important) and goes shopping for more things to impress Stolas. It's a lot of effort to put into someone you don't really super care about, all things considered but let's just go with the devil's advocate here that it's not to lose the book and it doesn't really mean anything. Although I do find his choice to look at candles first interesting, assuming it's not for something else (resident sex repulsed asexual is struggling with thinking about that kind of thing - despite watching helluva boss lmao), Stolas seems to like candles. If I remember correctly, he has some near his bath.

An interesting detail for Blitz to know/remember/take into account, for someone he allegedly does not care about. Anddd that's it for Blitz's scenes in this episode.

Part 2: Stolas' Behaviour

Like with Blitz, I'm gonna focus on how Stolas acts in "When I See Him" first, then move on to what we see of him alone in the rest of the episode (which there's very little of, I think, unfortunately).

The summary of what I think of Stolas in this song is he clearly has a somewhat fairytale view of his relationship with Blitz still (which is only emphasised by how the song is disney princess like in nature), thankfully he knows he has to let him be separate from the terms of their agreement and has found a way for this to occur without horribly impacting Blitz's business. However, he (at least, at first) seems to think after this happens everything will go fine and be perfectly okay and happily ever after, or more likely hopes that is how the situation will end up - but we see more of his worries later on so he's evidently not completely deluding himself.

My derring-do is half disguised Behind a smile

I don't have a lot to say about this just that it shows Stolas is obviously aware that Blitz is performing at least a little when he's with him.

I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce

This line just interests me more than anything, it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about the divorce. God knows I wouldn't want to, but's it intriguing to see he's attempting to distance himself from it - I hope we see more about this in the future episodes, maybe.

So for my own health I'll remind myself That when I see him I know that it won't feel so tough I'll believe him And not the voice that says I'm not enough No need for an arrangement It can just be him and me I'll see us free How perfect it could be When I see him tonight

This bit is very sweet honestly, Stolas clearly yearns to be closer to Blitz - and he's trying his best to facilitate that. He just wants genuine connection and love, something he couldn't experience in his marriage with Stella. Stolas is obviously nervous and has some self worth issues to say the least, but he deals with them differently to Blitz. In fact, he finds that being with Blitz helps combat these (likely because he feels loved and/or wanted by someone).

Unrelated to dissecting the episode and the like, the voice acting for this part was incredible and I love the way Stolas' VA (his name has slipped my mind atm) conveys emotion in his voice - even while singing. He sounds very hopeful, yet the cracks and wobbles suggest how nervous he feels for the interaction with Blitz, even if he's currently acting as if he thinks it will end well.

Oh god I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad tonight

This bit really just kind of shows how nervous he does feel about talking with Blitz about giving him the crystal. And that he is scared it'll go wrong, it's nothing too crazy.

The detail of him having none of the medication he takes left is interesting to me though, just that he's still taking it, I guess - could suggest he's still struggling with anxiety etc etc.

Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner What kind of a monster does that make me

Stolas is clearly feeling a lot of guilt for his past treatment of Blitz, and fear that his feelings aren't reciprocated - but it seems like he's more scared that he's been taking advantage of Blitz, than the thought that Blitz doesn't like him.

My entire life's been written in stone He taught me that I could choose

Blitz is the first person he really chose to meet or associate with, as a child and as an adult. There was no obligation to know him or socialise with him, or to be his friend (or more). In fact, it was discouraged if anything but Stolas chose to do it anyway - and it helped him realise he could do what he wanted, and gain the confidence to do so.

Part 3: Blitz and Stolas' confrontation

Stolas' body language here kills me, he's so nervous for what he's about to do, and despite his hopeful song early he's eerily somber - as if he knows this will end badly.

Blitz looks so afraid here, he's gone through all of this effort to try to impress Stolas and keep him from getting "bored" of him. Part of this is probably because he doesn't want to lose the connection he and Stolas have but honestly it's largely probably the fear of losing the book and his business that he's worked so hard for. Blitz is an incredibly ambitious person, and he's put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (mostly blood) into I.M.P and to have it taken away because of someone else due to not being good enough for them is probably one of his worst fears.

Blitz's immediate switch to trying to seduce Stolas is slightly jarring, but not all that surprising considering how this whole thing started. Blitz is desperate, trying anything to prove to Stolas he's worth keeping around. Meanwhile Stolas looks resigned, as if realising it really was just a performance for Blitz the entire time.

Stolas, please, I- I need this book. Please, I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything.

The immediate switch to begging, mixed with tears, took me off guard honestly. I didn't expect to see him do that but it makes sense considering how badly he treasures I.M.P and he really is just at the whim of Stolas and it could all collapse at any given moment.

I don't understand, why are you giving me this? Am I not like, fucking you good enough? Because I can- I can always do better.

This being Blitz's immediate reaction to getting the crystal from Stolas is upsetting. I was on the verge of tears here, he can't even comprehend that Stolas might genuinely want to give him a gift, not because Blitz isn't good enough, but because Stolas wants him to be independent. Blitz has never viewed himself as "good enough" for people and he puts on a lot of performances to convince himself he's worthy of being associated with others. This probably feels like, to him, a convoluted way of "getting rid" of him, instead of giving him freedom so he and Stolas can interact with less of a power imbalance.

This in an interesting roleplay, never done this one but I can get into it. How's this? Oh, Stolas, I'll stay with you, I love you soo much.

Blitz's immediate response to Stolas' confession being one of disbelief leading him into thinking it's some sort of roleplay or pretense because he can't possibly believe that anyone would actually love him is honestly worse case scenario and probably where all of this starts going downhill.

I have my answer, Blitz. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you, for so long. The fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always about... sex. That's enough to know what this is.

This right here, is terrible. Miserable, even. Communication is starting to break down, Stolas doesn't realise or understand Blitz's point of view and I certainly cannot blame him for getting upset but how these two are communicating yet somehow falling victim to miscommunication at the same time is impressive at this point. They're both getting emotional, and it's fucking everything up but to be fair no one can remain 100% logical, this is nerve wracking and stressful for them both.

What? Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you've put me through, you pompous rich asshole? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important! Well, I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!

This, this is incredibly cathartic in a weird way. It's not good by any means but for Blitz these bitter feelings have probably been somewhat simmering beneath the surface for a while and he hasn't been able to express them because of the nature of his and Stolas' relationship. The way he's phrasing this makes me wonder if he has previous experience with a royal demon doing this to him outside of now, and Stolas' father hiring him to be Stolas' friend when he was a child. It wouldn't be too unreasonable but putting that aside for a moment. The anger and lashing out here is probably a defense mechanism on his part, every time something has got vulnerable or upsetting in the past in this show Blitz always seems to get angry (an example that comes to mind at the minute is when Cash was celebrating Fizz's birthday - at the time he didn't say anything to Fizz but he stormed off, angry. Another one could be probably a few of his interactions with Verosika. I'd have to rewatch the show to find something more particular). The point is Blitz lashes out instead of being open and vulnerable, he doesn't mean or genuinely think any of this - and immediately regrets it as soon as he says it. But it's too late, it's been said.

Stolas flinches or pauses when walking a handful of times during this rant from Blitz, each time whenever he has an insult. Before he has even said anything it's immensely clear Stolas is very hurt by this.

Blitz. I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me.

This is the regret I was talking about, it's probably helped along by Stolas admitting he thinks highly of Blitz but god - he is crushed. And he immediately tries to apologise but Stolas teleports him out of there before he can even process it, leaving us on a terrible cliffhanger.

God, it's a fucking mess. They're a mess I'm so scared for the next episode and how they are even going to fix this. Someone get these gay demons a therapist, please, I beg.

All in all, ow my feelings, this episode hurt, I did cry. Stolitz have mastered the art of miscommunication, but that is hardly news. Blitz seems to have got a genuine wake-up call, sort of similar to how he did with Fizz and I'm hoping that kickstarts something to help him improve, because he does need to. At the same time, Stolas has kinda fucked up here, and does need to give Blitz more time to process since I imagine this is very fucking shocking to him. It's all one biggggg mess and god knows how it'll work out but I'm looking forward to finding out and hopefully not having my heart ripped out and spat on by the end of this season.

[xxxnightcorequeenxxxv3]

AU Batboys as Cyberlife Androids

I have 100% a bit more than I can chew with this. As I mostly know these fandoms from fanfiction. And I haven't even played the game. But that doesn't stop me from going of the deep end and make a AU in my head featuring the bat boys as cyberlife androids. And of course, Bruce is the but of the jokes too. So how does this work? Let me tell you what I came up with at work doing busy work that requires low brain power, and I pretty much autopilot and AU craft. So the idea is that Dick, Jay, Tim, and Dami have all ended up deviating. And due to damage taken, has either managed to cram themselves altogether in child model Android (or some sort of USB system storage). Anyway, that's how we get Robin, who managed to sneak away using a circus as a cover, and they end up in Gotham. (I think Dick might have been a police android before the transfer to the Robin collective, and Jay maybe was modified by the past owner for crime, no idea about Tim and Dami yet, though.) So, even if they are at risk of getting hurt, they still try to do good in the world. They some how run into Batman. With a lot of back and forth, Bruce managed to convince Robin to come with him. What they don't tell Bruce at first is that there are more of them. So, after some time, Robin asks Bruce if he could get an adult frame, please. Brucie managed to convince the public that he got the child boot secondhand. And there has been a lot of speculation as to why of the not-so-savory variety. So when Bruce requests a blank model with no programming to be sent to Wayne Tech for the transfer. The only reason Cyberlife agrees to it is that someone in Wayne tech RND convinces them Wayne is probably just gonna .... the bot. and yeah, that's how Dick gets the cake. As the others were like no, you've been in charge of Robin for so long now, you go first. So Dick agrees to transfer to the new custom model, which can change to Mr. Wayne's preference. To Bruce's surprise, Robin is operational, just different as Jay is in charge of the collective now as the next experienced model in the line. This is where Dick and the others come clear that Robin is more of a Matryoshka situation. It takes some time for Bruce to get to terms with that situation. But after some time has gone by, they come up with a plan to get another clean slate android body. Brucie is now gonna be in to role play, for his second android. He manages to get one of them beefy security bots. So yeah, he leaves Wayne RND with the forwarding request for a new blank bot from Cyberlife. And some techs are thoroughly amused by the goings on that the requests go through. And That's how we get a big beefy boy for Jay to jump to. Making it Tim's turn to be in primary control of Robin for a time. Bruce asks Robin just how many there are in there now, as it seems like the supply is never-ending. Tim calms Bruce down by saying that if they get one more android body, they'll have one each. more time elapse. And Brucie has to make yet another request, this time for a android secretary. Lucky for Bruce, the same guys as the last time are still changing and approving his request again, sending what they laughingly call "an Androgynous Twink for Mr Wayne" this time. And That's how we get Tim and Dami separated again.

And that's what I got so far, as I have no clue what more to do than possibly draw stuff. ---- So I posted on Discord to and the oh so wonderful @bucketorandomness

Added this; yes, I asked if it was okay to do the edit with credit

Option for more after-market additions for the boys:

Damian was originally a security model who was changed into an assassin by unsavory folks

Timothy was still a Drake, purchased as a kind of “test run for a real child” which they think is going great when it really wasn’t. Extra learning modules and some advanced reasoning in his base programming were mandatory for purchase

Cassandra, like Dami, was repurposed into a stealth-based assassin from a dancer base. Language programming was removed to make more room for the modifications. She follows one of the others home after recognizing a fellow android

Duke gets adopted into the Robin Collective temporarily while they drag his model back to Bruce and demand he fix it

Stephanie isn’t an android, but she did jokingly offer to join the Robin Collective once science figures out how to download a consciousness. Whether or not that already exists is up for debate.

Barbara can be a secretary model for the GPD or she can be another human like Steph if you want. If she is an android, I suggest Jim Gordon notices her deviancy and decides to adopt this new person and teach her how to people like a daughter. Also maybe self-installed body mods. I feel like she’d get a tattoo without supervision so why not upgrade her own RAM and other abilities?

[graysnetwork]

Ik no one asked but I wanna see if anyone else thinks abt what Keegan would look like

Preferably with hair😊

Jk I love him and all but I like to think of him when he’s young and not necessarily in the military, like what he would look like.

First off

He has black hair, I like to think he would leave his hair messy, he doesn’t style it an any way but if he has too, he will

U Can js search up messy black hair guy idk but that’s basically what u think

But he would keep it short

Cuz he got them beautiful blue orbs LMFAO😭

Nah but he knows they’re nice and pretty bcuz ppl tell him, and he wants to get compliments sometimes

Keegan has rosy cheeks!!!

I think he’d look like such tomato in the sun (me fr)

Maybe has rocea but he never asked his mother or his doctor about it

He’d obviously not big but he probably does go to the gym, he can totally rock abs or a tummy (😋)

Anyways

But he probably has abs out of his choice of wanting to look scrumptious

don’t even get me started on facial hair

Okay get me started 😌

He shaves everyday but Ik he got a stubble (he’s my hubby I gotta know these things)

He prolly get facial hair a little later in life or he just waxed that damn mustache cuz he looks clean af

If you like the facial hair, he’s keeping it 100%

But he’d never let it grow a lot cuz he don’t like it looking so outgrown

Oh and he has clear skin but he has sensitive skin that he’s been workin on since freshman year

(We love a skin care king😌)

Now I want to put in some head-cannons for him in general (idk if there’s like a back story for him but THESR ARE HEAD CANNONS SO ITS WTV)

I have an imagination obviously so I thought he would have three other siblings

An older brother, him, a sister, and another brother

That js sounds right yk

He’s moms boy, but I think the minute he was in high school he got really close with his dad and he definitely started drinking at 19 with his dads permission

His mom probably made him the best option in high school

Like she would just teach him so many things, and how to be the most respectful guy ever, girls were definitely in love with him

But he’s also the flirty type that makes jokes to try and get closer with people

But he’s also quiet so his friends would most definitely make him go up to people

Keegan played sports alright, no changing my mind

He played football, Fútbol (soccer wtv), baseball

So he was really well rounded with sports and liked the whole feeling of winning.

He probably went to a university with a full ride scholarship for one of his sports

And then he left when he was recruited

Also I was wondering what I had forgot but I finally remembered

And I believe this has gotta be cannon

He listens to Taste by Tyga and Offset

Cuz there’s no way he doesn’t listen to it during workouts

Like yes new York loves the taste and so does LA

(He also like Go Loko)

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN U TELL??

But if y’all wanna say smtg diff, Fr tell me I would like to know what u guys think Keegan looks like

ALSO WHY IS CHARACTER AI DOWN TODAY 😭😭

[pedripics]

PRESS CONFERENCE ahead of FC BARCELONA v PSG - April 15, 2024

About his feelings and the team:

"Well, I think the team is very motivated and has a great desire to play an important match like the one we have tomorrow. On a personal level, I feel good. I went through a difficult period full of injuries, but the truth is that I was excited to come back. I was able to be back in Paris, play some minutes against Cadiz, and I'm very excited for the game tomorrow."

"On the field I don't think about the injuries I've had. The pass I gave to Raphinha in the goal in Paris is similar to the pass I gave when I was injured the last time. I'm happy with myself return. I give my 100% to the team. We're looking forward to tomorrow's match."

About potentially playing 90 mins tomorrow:

"I feel good, I have a lot of desire, everyone wants to play this kind of match. It is true that when you return from injury you notice fatigue, but I feel strong and want to play. I prefer to play 80 minutes at 100% and ask for a change if I cannot handle more. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to play until I can and I'll ask for a change when I can't."

Is this the biggest game of his career?

"Yes, I think it's the most important match of my career so far. This and the semi-finals of the European Cup. The fans deserve matches like this, we've wanted a night like this in Barcelona for a long time. They have helped us get here after many years, they have always supported us and we want to enjoy it all together"

About the teams improvement:

"Even though I wasn't with the team for a long time, like Frenkie or Christensen, the team maintained itself. We have a very full team, and we rotate. we are Family. We had a lot of injuries and we knew how to move on and come out of them."

"Xavi's announcement must have had some impact, now we have a long and series. We have improved our ability to keep clean sheets and be more aggressive in defense. We are much better mentally, before, we had a lot of doubts when we scored a goal, we still have to improve. We are still young, and we will improve with time. We were able to come back to Paris, it's the most difficult, especially in a stadium which puts a lot of pressure on you."

About Gündogan's impact:

"Gundogan is a spectacular player, since I met him, I already knew what role he would have in the team, it is a pleasure to play with him, I learn a lot from him in training and he has some spectacular numbers, very happy to have him by my side."

About getting psychological help during his injuries:

"I didn't because I don't feel like I need it and with the trainers we have done a spectacular job, although I don't rule it out in the future."

About facing PSG:

"Everyone likes to talk about the favorite, which is currently, I don't like it. They are two quite similar teams, who like to have the ball. I think it will be a good match, we will do our best to qualify."

"We have to be careful because it is clear that Paris is not coming to Barcelona to give us gifts. I think Paris will come with all their strength, especially with our knowledge of their coach, they will try to turn things around. It is true that we have this slight advantage that the result gives us, but we must go out as if this advantage did not exist, go out to devour Paris and this is how we must appear."

"The priority tomorrow is to get the ball. When you have the ball, you prevent the opposing team from giving you chances. Also avoid one-on-one confrontations and one-on-one duels, where players like Kylian Mbappe, Ousmane Dembélé or Barcola are very good."

About watching the 6-1 win vs PSG:

"I've been a Culer since I was young. A comeback like that stays in your memory. I couldn't believe it. We talk about it with Sergi, and we hope to give another equally memorable memory to the Culers."

About playing in two different positions:

"I’ve played in a deeper position in the last two games and I got to touch the ball more than usual. I’m comfortable in playing anywhere in the midfield."

[lurkingshan]

Be My Favorite: Why, Kwan, why?

Week after week I wait for this show to wobble and disappoint me, but here we are at episode 9 and it’s still going strong, even when the story goes in directions I don’t expect. I sat here for a few minutes trying to decide what to focus on from this episode, and this is the thing most on my spirit this week.

Kwan, I say this with nothing but love in my heart: what on earth are you doing getting tangled up with a guy like Not? 

In every timeline, over and over again, we see that Kwan gravitates to this dude, despite all his awful behavior. Here is what we have seen from Not to date across the timelines:

Bullying

Homophobia

Misogyny

Pretending to befriend Kawi so he could manipulate him 

Threatening to out Pisaeng for his own gain

Having a sexual relationship with Kwan while actively pursuing or even marrying Pear

All around unkind behavior toward pretty much everyone

To date, BMF has shown me nothing to explain why Kwan is so desperately into this guy. Kwan has been witness to all this same behavior we have seen throughout the story, and they have had one (1) conversation where Not was only about 50% instead of 100% an asshole. He’s not nice to her, and he doesn’t respect her. And let me say this clearly: it’s not that it’s unrealistic for a great girl to get caught up with a total dumpster fire of a man who treats her like shit. That’s a tale as old as time and I can absolutely justify how this can happen in my head. But from a storytelling and characterization perspective, I want to feel a bit more grounded in who Kwan is to fully understand why she is letting this man treat her this way. We still don’t know anything about her family background, romantic history, or personal desires beyond wanting Not’s attention. Unlike the other core characters, we don’t know what motivates her and what she wants out of life. We don’t even know that much about her friendship with Pear and how deep (or not) it is.

So here’s my best theory for now: Kwan is fat-coded in this story (but not actually fat, because actors playing fat in dramas rarely are). I first raised this idea a couple weeks ago with a few friends, asking if they thought we were supposed to be reading Kwan as fat, and therefore socially undesirable, and we were not yet confident that the show was going there with her. But at this point, it’s the only read on Kwan that’s really tracking for me.

Kwan has been placed in the familiar role of the less desirable best friend to the pretty popular girl, and has some very obvious insecurities about Not’s clear preference for Pear over her. She seems to be hoping that having sex with him will cause him to realize she is the one he actually wants (oh, girl). In the former future timeline, we see that she carried on with Not even after he got into a relationship with Pear, which to me speaks to some resentment she is carrying for Pear, as well. We’ve had some subtle indicators that Kwan and Pear may not actually be that close (like Pear saying Pisaeng is the only person she talks to about her family issues). And that would track with Kwan knowingly participating in Not two-timing Pear and never fessing up. You don’t do that to your best friend if you actually love and respect them without some other unaddressed shit laying between you.

I am still holding out hope that the show is going to give us a little more to go on with Kwan. It was only this week that we got a fuller picture of Pear’s family life, and we still have three episodes to go. I want Kwan to be a three dimensional character with desires and motivations we understand, and this drama has shown such compassion and care for its characters that I trust them to finish rounding her out. When that happens, I’ll be back to check in on this clown theory.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Who drinks respect women juice in tokyo revengers? And whose hands are rated E for everyone?

Ok I've given this a bit of thought and this is what i came up with (I'm not 100% on all of these though)

Takemichi- 100% wpuld never dare to hit a girl, he was outraged when Yuzuha got hit and when Emma got hurt.

Mikey- ok this one is a hard one since he said he never would and technically we never do see him lay hands on a girl. But he does threaten Senju at one point and it's implied he either hit her or hit someone who knocked into her during the final fight. Is there a middle section he can be put in?

Draken- would definitely never throw hands with a girl, sees it as being a pointless thing to do (he's also seen first hand how argumentative the girls he lives with can get and wants no part in that).

Baji- Seen people argue both ways on this one but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't throw hands with a girl. His mother would kill him. (Aside from sparring at the dojo).

Chifuyu- He'd prefer to just get beat up by a girl rather then throw hands.

Mitsuya- never ever ever, not in a million years.

Hakkai- would panic and run away if this situation ever came up.

Pah- would not hit a girl, might be a bit rude to one maybe even threaten one if she didn't back off but wouldn't actually fight a girl.

Peh- no way, he looked so upset the one time he accidentally made yasuda cry so would never want to do anything to make a girl cry on purpose.

Smiley- honestly a little torn on this one, his love of fighting and murder is very big but not sure he'd actually fight a girl. I think maybe he would but only if the girl started it and she seemed strong enough to challenge him.

Angry- he doesn't even wanna fight the guys!

Mucho- would fight a girl but only if izana or mikey told him to or she knew something about traitors.

Sanzu- would also fight a girl, literally doesn't care.

Kisaki- he's not much of a fighter but we've seen that he's 100% willing to fatally wound girls so he definitely would.

Hanma- would fight a girl but wouldn't take it seriously, feel like he'd treat it more like a game. Teasing and letting the girl get some punches in, giving her hope before he takes her down, watching the hope fade and seeing how she reacts. Doesn't go picking fights with girls though, just waits for them to challenge him.

Kazutora- would not fight a girl, he seemed outraged to find toman had been targeting girls in that one future.

Koko- would not fight a girl, he definitely seems to think girls need protecting (his comments to hakkai) so I don't think he'd want to hurt a girl.

Inui- he said it himself, he would fight a girl.

Taiju- again we have pretty clear evidence that he definitely would hit a girl.

Izana- would fight a girl if they were strong enough, otherwise wouldn't be interested.

Kakucho- would not fight a girl, he seems to be against girls being hurt in general.

Mochi- would also not fight a girl, he seems to have some kind of moral code when fighting so probably wouldn't fight a girl? Might though if they were very strong.

Shion- wouldn't fight a girl cause he sees it as being beneath him. "This fight wouldn't be fair for you against me!"

Ran- would not fight a girl, mainly because he thinks it would damage the Haitani brother's reputation to be seen fighting girls. 

Rindou- Same as Ran but for the added reason that it would be a bit awkward for him to pin a girl down.

South- again canon evidence that he would throw hands with a girl. I feel like he doesn't care about gender just how strong a person is.

Benkei- would not hit a girl, I feel like he'd feel so guilty about it with how big he is so would never. (Aside from friendly spars with Senju where he doesn't go all out anyway)

Wakasa- also wouldn't fight a girl, sees no reason to, would likely just evade a girl if one ever tried to fight him (aside from spars with Senju).

Takeomi- definitely has a lot of thoughts about what women should be so based on those I think he'd find is dishonourable to hit a girl.

Shinichiro- ohhh definitely wouldn't, he'd probably try hitting on her or trying to talk her around instead. Doesn't see any reason to hurt a girl and is most likely the one to teach Mikey that. 

[coraniaid]

OK, but what is the point of retconning Jenny Calendar’s background in Surprise/Innocence?

Setting aside for a second all the reasons it’s a bad idea - the lazy stereotypes about the Romani people and their supposed links to magic and fortune telling and curses it perpetuates, the fact the script has Jenny’s uncle explicitly say that the Romani are not like “the modern man”, the fact that the Kalderash are a real group of human beings (though not a “tribe” as the show insists on calling them), who probably shouldn’t be treated as fodder for a silly fantasy television show, the fact that later in the season (in Passion) it becomes apparent that the writers don’t know the difference between Romani and Romanian, the fact that neither Robia Scott nor Vincent Schiavelli actually have any Romani heritage, the fact that the show itself doesn’t ever use the word “Romani”, prefering instead to use a word that was recognized as a slur even in the 1990s – what does it actually add to the story that the show is trying to tell?

The “Janna of the Kalderash” retcon comes completely out of nowhere, so there’s nothing intentionally odd or ambiguous about her prior behavior that it can be used to explain.  Surprise briefly fakes that Jenny is going to try to do something to hurt Buffy, but no: she’s just taking her to the Bronze for her surprise party in a slightly weird way.  Jenny encourages Angel to leave town with the Judge’s arm, but: (1) this was actually a good idea which everyone agreed with and he should have done it and (2) he didn’t.  

And it’s made very clear over the course of these two episodes that Jenny doesn’t know anything about the curse’s loophole until after the fact.  The first thing she does on finding out the curse has been broken is to rush back to the school and help to save Willow’s life.  So her entire “betrayal” of Buffy (a girl she’s known for less than nine months and who she hasn’t ever been allowed to have any emotional connection with beyond both knowing Giles anyway) boils down to her doing … what, exactly?  All those times she tried to break Buffy and Angel up?  The ones that never happened?  Not telling Buffy that the people who cursed Angel to suffer for eternity secretly wanted him to … still be suffering in the present?  Not sharing her family tree unprompted with a teenage girl she doesn’t even know and who doesn’t seem to ever attend her classes?  I genuinely don’t understand exactly why Buffy is meant to be upset at her. 

Literally the only things I can see that this twist sets up are:

Providing another excuse for Giles and Jenny to break up (an excuse which we simply didn’t need! They only got back together at the very end of Ted, which was the most recent episode Jenny was in!  Just drop that subplot if you want to keep them separated!  Is it really so important that this time it’s Giles breaking up with her and not the other way around?)

Allowing for a scene where Buffy attacks a teacher in a crowded classroom, something that – while certainly a memorable and striking moment – is never followed up on despite the multiple witnesses and the fact the school’s principal is canonically always looking for an excuse to expel Buffy

Giving Jenny a reason to want to try to restore Angel’s soul later in the season, a reason that she 100% does not need.  You’ve already established that she knows magic!  That was part of her characterisation in her very first episode!  She could just be trying to help!  You know, the way Willow will do later on?  Why does she have to be doing this as some weird form of self-imposed penance? (Why does she not do any magic this season before the retcon?)

Introducing a means by which somebody can explicitly spell out to Buffy (and the audience) exactly how Angel’s curse was broken (first in her conversation with her uncle and then again in the computer lab with Giles and Buffy)

You don’t need to do the first three of those things at all, and you can do the fourth in practically any other way.  Have a flashback!  The Buffy writers and costume department love flashbacks!  Let Buffy learn about it in a dream – this pair of episodes is full of prophetic dreams!  Have somebody find something hidden away in the library – that works for literally every other bit of magical nonsense, doesn’t it?  Have Jenny find out by digging around on the internet, if it’s so important she be involved.  Use the fact she’s meant to be good at that!  Hell, have “Uncle Enyos” turn up and deliver his own exposition directly to Buffy, if you really must include a Romani character in the present day.

What does Jenny Calendar not really being “Jenny Calendar” add to the episode or the season arc or the wider show?  Why give her an uncle for Angelus to kill if she’s never going to mourn him or mention him again?  Why have her buried under the name “Jennifer” -- a name she never actualy uses while alive -- if you’re going to make a point of telling us it isn’t really hers?

(The frustrating thing is that I think that Surprise and Innocence are both very good!  Innocence in particular is probably the best episode of the show so far.  Maybe the best episode of the whole show.  Almost everything about these two episodes is really really good.  And then there’s … this.)

[moongothic]

Obligatory "This was a DIY-blog before a fandom blog and so if I wanna post my projects on here THEN I WILL AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME"-disclaimer

New blanket who dis

Another project that started out as an attempt for me to clear out yarn from my mom's stash, this time being some black Tynn Line from Sadnesgarn. There was a decent amount of it, and I didn't know what to do with it. Didn't want to work in just black, so I bought some of the orange yarn (while also doublechecking this was in fact Tynn Line like I suspected, because I wasn't 100% sure)

And I mindlessly started crocheting some basic granny squares.

Originally I figured I could maybe make a granny square cardigan, but once I got going I soon realized I probably had far more yarn than a cardigan would need (this was in fact a false estimate on my part because I am stupid), and I figured, if I had the yarn for it, then why not just make a blanket for myself instead

Now we all know and love the Blanket of Darkness I shared like a year ago, and let me tell you, I love that thing to death, it's a fantastic blanket and it has kept me so warm this whole winter. That said, while that blanket is fantastic in the middle of the winter, I did find myself kind of struggling during the fall and spring, when like. It's just slightly cold enough that I wanted an extra layer, but the thick, pure wool of that blanket was actually a bit too warm.

So when I realized I could make myself a thinner blanket, like, yeah, I wanted to take that. The Tynn Line is 53% cotton, 33 viskoce and 14% linen, and it's a thinner yarn, I used a 3 mm hook for the project. A perfect yarn for me to use for a fall/spring blanket.

And so I ended up committing to it, got more yarn so I'd have enough for a small blanket, and got to work. I think I started working on this around November 2023? Maybe December? Can't remember, foolishly I did not write down when I started working on it.

Now originally I was going to make this a striped blanket, but as I was going along, making those squares I started to rethink that plan a little

I also considdered attaching the smaller squares together to make bigger squares, but after asking friends for a second opinion we all agreed the middle design would actually look the coolest

Not that it mattered too much, I had to first finish the granny squares before I'd actually start putting the blanket together

But eventually I finished the squares. Each square is a little over 8x8 cm so the 10x18 square blanket needed 180 squares.

Now I have my personal preferred way to attaching granny squares, which is zigzagging down from one corner of the blanket to the opposite corner. But I wanted the blanket to look somewhat seamless, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I just started attaching them one by one. So I decided to start by attaching all the squares into 1x3 square strips (as seen on the chart), and once the strips were done, do my usual corner-to-corner zigzag with the strips. This way I was able to attach the orange squares together with the orange yarn so the orange strips looked more solid, while the rest I could do with the black yarn.

Also I found out I had made four granny squares too many, lmao

But it was fine, actually. Because I did then proceed to finish the blanket, only to realize... It just felt too small. I just wasn't happy with the size. Like the blanket was fine if I wanted to wear it on my lap when sitting or something, but I wanted to throw this thing onto my bed to keep me warm, and the coverage wasn't going to be enough for that.

So as much as it pained me. I ordered four more balls of yarn. And made 68 more squares (those four spare orange squares did not go to waste lmao)

So the total went up to 252 granny squares as I extended the side by two rows and the lenght by one pattern repeat.

But yeah. Made those granny squares. Weaved in the tails as I went along and turned the granny squares into strips too while I was at it. And once done, finally added the extension to the blanket. Finished it off by adding a single row of double crochet around the edge. Badabing badaboom we got a blanket.

Now the blanket does have two sides to it, a good and a bad, because I was lazy and chose to crochet the squares together instead of sewing them with a needle. Had I done it with a needle it would've looked better without a doubt, but god damn, I did not have the patience, not this time.

So the backside looks better than the actual front, and that's fine by me

In anycase, I'm glad I finished this project, it turned out super cute, and now I have a perfect blanket to keep me slightly warmer as the weather changes ✌️✨

[herrlindemann]

Sonic Seducer - 2008, interview with Flake

thanks to ramjohn for the scans.

While his colleagues from Rammstein are working at full speed in the studio on the still untitled successor to their 2005 album 'Rosenrot', we invited the eccentric keyboardist to our psycho couch for an entertaining one-on-one chat. Flake Lorenz on success, idols and the advantages of not owning a wallet!

What is your profession?

I'm forced to call myself a musician, anything else would be a lie! The last thing that would probably apply to me would be the term entertainer. You can't really call me an artist either...

Why shouldn't you be considered an artist?

Because such a view presupposes that I would make art! Music does not necessarily have to be art at the same time. As is well known, there is also dance music that is artistically less valuable.

Do you still have stage fright before performances today?

I still have stage fright, but mostly in situations where I'm not 100% sure about how the performance will go — like during my solo performance at the Berlin Volksbühne some time ago, for example. I prefer to follow a precise schedule with times and other details. I feel very safe knowing the band is standing here, I'm standing there and the crowd is standing over there etc.

Are you a generally insecure person?

Yes. I chronically doubt myself and all other people and things.

Would you describe yourself as a perfectionist?

Not at all! Quite the opposite: I'm a real Schludrian - fortunately!

What was your career aspiration as a child?

I really wanted to be a piano player. In the early days I had lessons, but I didn't have my own piano. So in my free time I practiced at the kitchen table on sheets of paper that I drew the keys on. At some point my parents saw that I was serious about playing the piano and bought me my own piano.

Were you a good student then?

At first, but later I became very bad. From the 7th grade I basically saw myself as a punk and school didn't interest me that much anymore.

Did you have to be bad at school to be a punk?

No, not necessarily. I became a bad student all by myself... I actually would have liked to have done better. In the early days of Feeling B I was still in 10th grade - when I came home from our performances at the weekend, I couldn't be completely rested and fit again at school on Monday morning!

What do you like?

Shipwrecks.

What do you hate?

Very much! I probably hate a lot more than I like. I couldn't come up with a top 10 hate objects without neglecting the rest of the stuff.

Where is the most beautiful place in the world for you?

At my home in the country, just outside of Berlin.

Who would you want to swap roles with for a day?

Actually with nobody. I've got enough trouble with myself that I don't necessarily have to take on another role!

What do you have in your pocket at the moment?

A tissue.

That's all?

And money. I always keep my money in my ass pocket — I've never used a wallet in my life!

Out of pure post punk conviction?

No. It's just that I wouldn't think of keeping my money in a wallet in real life. So far it has always looked like this: I kept my credit cards loose in my pocket on the front left and small change on the right. In the ass pockets, notes and banknotes for free use. That's how I got through life for a long time. A friend was very concerned that this would scratch my credit cards and ultimately render them unusable. So he gave me a small bag with a magnet closure. However, this magnetic clasp erased the magnetic strips on all credit cards, garage door openers and alarm system code cards the first time I opened it, so I had to apply for everything again! A clear sign of non-improvement! I dare not imagine what could happen if I used a wallet!

How important is success to you?

There's small successes and big successes — it doesn't bother me that a lot of people think I'm great. With the fame I get from working with Rammstein, the positives and negatives are roughly balanced. It is important to develop your own position on these things. If the TV program annoys me, I turn it off — the same with Rammstein: If I don't want to have anything to do with the band, I put my hat on, go to the back room and have my peace.

What will your life look like in old age?

I don't want to say anything wrong at this point. Mick Jagger said at the time there was no way he would still be on stage singing 'Satisfaction' when he was 50... I also never thought I would live very old. The way of life in this band is anything but healthy: the touring life, the flights every day, the excitement, the noise pollution...

Also, there is a lot of drinking. It has gotten better, but in the past people often drank to the point of unconsciousness; especially in the east. Always. With a reason or without.

Do you have idols?

I think Helge Schneider is very good.

What's your biggest fear?

Quite factually: before dying.

What are your goals in life?

There are none today — I'm done, I've done everything I set out to do!

Do you have any regrets?

My only regret is that I didn't do various things. Then nothing.

[ao3cassandraic]

Firstly, can I say thank you for all your GO meta. I've spent much of my insomnia soaked night reading through your musings and the replies, and almost all of what I've read makes so much sense to me.

There is a question, honestly, but first..

I read GO when it first came out, and have probably been an avid Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman fan for longer than many fans have been alive. Loved the book, adored the first series, found myself completely floored by S2. The last 15 is probably. - no that's wrong, Definitely - the most beautiful, tragic, heart wrenching scene I've ever encountered. Realising what just broke you was played out by two middle aged, straight actors but all you've seen are two beings whose universe is each other and who are being ripped apart by what they are feeling. I don't have the words, I really don't. Sublime acting & writing.

My response surprised me, I couldn't let it go and I worried at it like a (small, red eyed) dog with a bone. Then I found Tumblr and realised I was far from alone. I've read all the theories and a fair bit of fan fiction (re Michael Sheen, "I love that the fans write their own stories, even if most of them involve David & I having sex"). Some of the POV resonate some don't. Yours do much more than most.

After all that, mine isn't a huge question, it's just a niggle I have. Maggie. Something doesn't feel right there and I wondered if she had set anything off on your radar? Given that NOTHING is accidental in a Gaiman story..

Maggie can't spell and it was highlighted. UGRENCY. (T.O.S.T.E, and Angle anyone) Maggie doesn't eat, though she loves a skinny latte, and doesn't drink alcohol. Claims the record shop is failing, but sends a pub in Edinburgh music for their jukebox? She was never a teenager, and whilst claiming to be tired of being scared is completely fearless. Won't leave Az on his own, is unfazed by demons and doesn't question what Cr & Az are, unlike Nina.

I'm not sure where I'm going with it, but something is off and I wondered if you had any thoughts?

Ok, enough, I'll stop rambling and step out of your questions now. Thank you for bearing with me if you made it this far.

First I just want to acknowledge and validate your adoration for Good Omens! This fandom exists For Reasons! Cheers, and thank you for your ask.

I've seen other folks wondering what you're wondering about Maggie; you're definitely not alone. For the little it's worth, I don't actually think she's ethereal or occult. I think she's a human being with some quirks. (I also can't agree with "doesn't eat" -- we don't see her eat, and she doesn't accept Aziraphale's offer of an Eccles cake, but the former is likely happenstance and the latter, well, I wouldn't accept an Eccles cake either if I had just taken such a giant monetary gift from someone. It's just too much; I'd feel that I was taking advantage and not being properly grateful.)

I actually don't drink alcohol, and I assure you I'm fully 100% no-question-about-it human. (Though there are those who would say I'm more than slightly demonic.) I had an alcoholic parent, which shaped my young life in some not-amazing ways, and I never understood how they got to be that way, so I decided to stay safe and just... not try drinking.

When I got older and more confident in my ability to steer clear of alcoholism, I tried a bit of wine and a bit of brandy and a bit of other thises and thats and discovered that I plain old didn't like them! So I drink non-alcoholic cocktails (I love this fashion! N/A cocktails can be creative and tasty!) and locally-made sodas and if that makes me weird, okay, I'm weird. It doesn't make me an angel. Doesn't even make me a "better" (whatever that is) person -- it's morally neutral. It just is.

(I'm not a skinny-latte person, though, in case you were wondering whether I'm Maggie. Chai is my coffeeshop preference.)

A thematic reason I think Maggie is human has to do with an extension of the Good Omens axiom that Heaven and Hell are just names for sides. Demons, angels, a vulnerability or a trick more or less and other than that they're basically the same. I want to believe that in the GOverse, that's true of humans too -- we have more in common with angels and demons than anyone cares to admit, despite the difference in lifespan and our superior inventiveness. Possibly including quirkiness!

I want this to be true because it means Crowley and Aziraphale needn't be lonely together on Earth even if Heaven and Hell do finally chuck them out for good. I want this to be true because it adds some intriguing resonance to a Second Coming of Jesus story. I want it to be true because I want Good Omens to keep saying go-be-properly-good to humanity.

I could be wrong, of course. I've had several of my headcanons contradicted by Word of Gaiman already, barely a month after s2 came out. I'm sure more will go the way of the dodo, and there are a few things I've said that I don't actually believe any more myself.

But I want Maggie to be human because I like her. I like her shy awkward approach to Nina. I like her willingness to explain How To Human When You're Crying to Aziraphale without shaming him for not knowing. I like her loyalty to her benefactor, which she doesn't trumpet but which is brave as all get-out when the demons show up. I like her flipping the bird at the demons, creatively defending the bookshop, standing up to Shax, giving Nina space to work things out.

Sometimes we humans are okay, you know?

[tala-bez-i]

At first sight Part Three (Part One, Part Two)

(m!reader x Bonten!Haruchiyo Sanzu)  

Fluff/slash/reader is male/cursing/BontenTimeline/drugs and alcohol mentioned/violence/blood/death

Haruchiyo Sanzu, Haitani brothers, Shuji Hanma and Kisaki Tetta belong to Ken Wakui.  

Words: 3665

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air outside was cool and fresh, a nice change from the stuffy officeroom. 

Stuffy... - you thought about what Hanma would have to clean up and cover up. Good job. Awesome. 

Right next to the back entrance to the building there was a small delivery van parked, from which three men, who were Hanma's helpers for the evening, got out. One of them was carrying a box of cleaning supplies that would be used to clean up the mess. 

Rindou lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and slowly exhaled the smoke, which disappeared into the air, leaving behind an intense, not necessarily unpleasant smell. You preferred the smell of his cigarettes to the smell of the weed that Sanzu sometimes smoked. Ran looked at his watch and smiled slightly. 

“It's almost 3 a.m.” he looked at you and Sanzu. “I think it's time to call it a night and go home, gentlemens. See you in a few hours at the meeting.” 

The younger Haitani gave you a small wave and walked with his brother towards their car, which they had left parked in the back parking lot. 

You stared after them for a moment, and only when they drove away did you let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Meeting at the base... You couldn't wait. 

“So…” Sanzu said and started searching through the pockets of his jacket. “So, we did our job... 85% job done. Pretty good result, right?” 

You looked at the dark sky. All the stars were obscured by rain clouds. You were surprised that it still hadn't started raining - maybe the sound of the rain would clear your mind like it always did. 

“It was one of the easiest jobs to do. The score should be 100%, minimum 90%, Sanzu.” you closed your eyes for a moment and sighed quietly. “Tetta will be unhappy.” 

“He'll get over it. Besides, he has little say in the matter.” the pink-haired one grumbled. “If he doesn't like something, maybe he'll get out there himself and do something.” 

You looked at him surprised. Sanzu often complained about Kisaki, but it had been a long time since he had said anything like that about one of Bonten's strategists. 

“I know you're number 2, Sanzu… but…” 

Sanzu pulled out a small pill bottle and raised it to eye level to see how much content was left. "Shut up." he said quietly to you and, saying something quietly under his breath, he poured two pills into his hand and swallowed them immediately. 

"Not too much?" 

“Let's go to the car.” Sanzu ignored your question and walked down the narrow alley to the main street. You had a few minutes of walking to the place where you left your car that you came in. 

“Sanzu, personally I think you've taken enough drugs today.” you caught up with him and saw that he had poured the rest of the contents of the bottle into his hand. He counted the pills - there were 6 left. You frowned. “How many pieces are in one bottle?” 

The man was silent for a moment and poured the pills back into the bottle, which he carefully placed in the pocket of the vest he wore under his jacket. 

“Sanzu…” 

"20 pieces." he replied in a slightly irritated voice. 

"20 pieces?" you thought for a moment and stopped, catching him just above the elbow. "One sec. Isn't this a new bottle?” 

Sanzu looked at your hand with an undefined expression, though you could have sworn there was something cold in his eyes for a split second. Haru looked up at your face and you could look into his bright eyes that always made your heartbeat faster - no matter what was hidden in them. 

"And what about it?" he asked quietly. "I know what I'm doing. They're not as strong as you think, so obviously I need to take them more often." 

“Haru, your body has already become resistant to the effects of these drugs…” 

"Shut up." this time, his tone was sharper, and you were ready for him to pull his arm from your grasp, but he didn't. "Do not tell me what to do. I don't interfere with your addiction..." 

“You did it at the club today.” you interrupted him and Sanzu's face turned red for a moment. “And it's not an addiction... I don't drink every day.” 

“I made an exception because you are a driver!” the pink-haired one growled. 

"I understand sorry. I needed a drink.” you let go of his arm and rubbed your face. “I promise that next time I won't drink alcohol, you don't have to get so angry. It didn’t bother you before.” 

You shrugged slightly and continued on your way to the car. After a while, you heard Sanzu's footsteps behind you. He didn't fall in line with you like he usually did, but he followed you the entire way. You wondered what was going on in his head at that moment, and for a split second you thought that maybe Sanzu was about to pull out a gun... 

You looked over your shoulder and asked quietly, “Hey, are you okay?”

Sanzu walked with his head down and the fingers of his hand moving as if he was counting something. He looked up at the sound of your voice and the corner of his mouth lifted slightly. 

“Yes, everything's okay. I'm just trying to figure out how much stock I have left and how to dispose of it until the next delivery.” he replied in a calm tone and you sighed softly. The whole of Sanzu, at one moment an outbreak of aggression, and at another moment peace of mind and any attempts at logical thinking. 

“Oh my…” he laughed softly and shook his head. “I still can't stop thinking about that girl from the club.” 

“About Mina?” you asked disgusted. 

"No." he grimaced and fell into step with you, which made you happy because it meant his anger was probably gone. “I mean that girl who bumped into you.” 

“Ah, she.” you bit the inside of your cheek lightly. “Did you like her?” 

Haru laughed softly and looked at you, amused. “And not you? Petite, cute, maybe a little shy and unnecessarily scared.” he sniffed slightly. “If she gave me a chance, she would have a lot of fun. I would dance with her a few times, maybe even invite her to my place? Who knows, who knows?” 

“You're daydreaming. She wouldn’t go with you willingly.” 

“But with you, yes. You would share with a friend.” he nudged your arm a few times. 

"Absolutely not." 

"Of course. You always share.” Sanzu was offended. 

You frowned and looked at him. “You spring into action when I'm not around.” 

The pink-haired man shrugged. “You didn't suggest a threesome, so I waited until you were done. Easy." 

Outraged, you nudged him harder in the shoulder and he looked at you, amused. “I didn't suggest it because you prefer very submissive ones, but I prefer them to move on their own.” 

“You can't always have what you want, so you have to take what you already have.” he muttered in amusement, looking away. 

"You are horrible. You know you don't have to drug them to make them comply." 

“4 out of 10 go to bed with me voluntarily. And they're not always the ones I like." Sanzu tried to justify himself. “In most cases, I have to pay them anyway.” 

“Sarah went with you willingly and didn't want your money.” you reminded him about the economics student, Sanzu blushed slightly. “Ha! You liked her!" 

He shrugged and huffed slightly irritated. “Yes, at the beginning. Just a lunatic."

"What are you talking about?" you looked at him surprised. “You looked nice together and she was willing to sacrifice her future career for you.” 

“You have no idea what you're talking about... Sarah... Or rather, Reiko was crazy, and not jokingly. She stalked me for almost half a year.” 

You walked in silence, surprised by this information. You remembered the girl well and she didn't seem dangerous to you. You could sooner call Sanzu a stalker than her... Although... You remembered how one time Haru asked you to send a few emails from his computer and then you saw that his mailbox was full of messages with very similar content from a dozen or so different addresses. You also remembered the completely ruined paint of the pink-haired's new car. You also cannot forget about the dozens, if not hundreds, of bouquets of flowers in the hall of the building where Sanzu had his apartment. 

"Wait. Just a moment…” you placed a hand on Sanzu’s shoulder and turned him towards you. “Are you telling me that these e-mails… flowers and car are the work of this student?” 

Sanzu's eyes were filled with anger mixed with embarrassment, so you decided it would be best not to laugh. Still, the tone of your voice betrayed amusement. “Oh shit, you found someone like you, didn't you?” 

"Shut up." the other said quietly and pushed your hand off his shoulder. His handsome face was almost red. 

You cleared your throat to stop laughing and continued towards the car. “I'm curious... what's going on with her now. Did she go back to university, or did someone report her and get her locked up?” 

“Nothing is going on with her.” Sanzu replied with cold indifference. 

"Nothing? But how?" you looked at him curiously and when he didn't answer you, you realized the meaning of his words. “Oh fuck. Okay, that was off topic.” you said quietly and took your car keys out of your pants pocket. "I have no more questions." 

You got into the car and fastened your seat belts. You started the engine and headed back to Sanzu's apartment. 

“Okay, maybe I have a few more questions.” you said after a while and Sanzu let out a long groan which you decided to ignore. “Did you cover up all your traces? Fuck, I don't want you to be linked to her murder.” 

“They didn't find the body.” he said reluctantly. 

“So, with the disappearance.” 

“No one reported her missing.” 

“And the university? She was a student after all.” you frowned slightly. 

“Like you said before, she was willing to sacrifice her future career for me.” Sanzu leaned his head against the window and pulled out the pill bottle again. 

“She dropped out of university?” you looked at him surprised and laughed quietly, focusing on driving again. “God, Sanzu. I can't remember when you had such an influence on someone." 

“You don't attract fuckers like me.” he replied and opened the glove compartment to start looking for something in it. 

“My ex wasn't exactly normal.” you said in a calm tone. “We were supposed to get married, but she left me for someone else about a month before the ceremony. She thought I wasn't the right match for her because I was in a gang. But she married a guy who beats her all the time. I never raised my voice to her, let alone my hand.” 

"I'm sorry." he replied and pulled out a bottle from the glove compartment that you had never seen before. 

"What is this?" you asked surprised, when you stopped at the traffic lights you looked at him reproachfully. “You don't store your drugs in my car, Sanzu, do you?” 

"Only this. Don't worry." he poured the last few pieces into a new bottle and put everything in his jacket. 

“Sanzu!” 

"Come on. It's just one bottle.” he muttered indignantly. 

“I'd rather know what's in my car. I don't want to be arrested at a police check!' 

“Then don't get behind the wheel under the influence of alcohol. Easy." the pink-haired one commented and then added in a calm tone. “I won't leave drugs in your car again... Or at least I'll try not to.” 

You huffed softly and moved on as soon as the lights turned green. “Really, you are impossible, Sanzu. Next time just let me know what you leave in my car… or in my apartment.” 

Neither of you said anything for a moment, but when you saw the concentration on Sanzu's face, you knew he was counting again, and his hands were moving around the hidden bottles. “One more day… Just one more day…” he mumbled, and you shook your head slightly. 

“For what? Until the next delivery? Isn't what you have enough for you?” 

He looked up at you, his eyes strangely empty, and shook his head. “I need more... I can't go through this without them…” 

Through this? “Sanzu…” 

“What?” he looked at you again, but this time his voice was slightly slurred. 

“I only came to see you in the evening. How many pills did you take before we met?”

He took a moment to think before answering. "More like usual... Although I've actually been taking more lately..." he sighed loudly and leaned his head against the headrest of the seat. “So, I can't tell how much I actually have left.” 

“What?” you looked at him with wide eyes. You felt anxious. “Tell me it's a joke.” 

There was a spark of anger in his eyes, which turned into fear for a split second, only to immediately fade away. He shrugged casually. "I am not joking. I don’t know how many pills I took in total.” 

“How many bottles did you have of that?” you asked, not knowing whether you were more irritated or concerned. 

He started counting on his fingers. His voice was quiet and still slightly slurring, as if his body was starting to demand rest. “Along with the one in your car… I should have 3 full bottles in total…” 

“3 full bottles? How many did you have at the very beginning?” You knew he had a delivery two weeks ago and that he liked to slip pills in various girls' drinks, but you were still afraid of his answer. 

He was thinking for a moment, then looked at you lost in thought. “I bought a full 15 bottles.” 

“And these are the same ones from two weeks ago?” you asked to make sure. Please say yes... 

Sanzu nodded slowly. “I've been going through them like crazy... I couldn't stop…” he patted his pocket. “I still can't…” 

You sighed with relief, despite still feeling anxiety. “So, you didn't take them that often... Damn, you scared me, Sanzu.” 

He looked down at his feet, his expression slowly returned to normal. “I’m sorry... I just can’t stop myself. I feel like if I don’t take them... It feels wrong.” 

“So, they're that good, huh?” you sighed. “I've been watching you these past few days, and I don't think you've ever looked as happy as you did after those pills. Have you tought about putting them into circulation? Do you prefer to keep them just in case, for example to convince more reluctant girls?” 

He looked at you, confused by your words and tone of voice. “I… What?” 

"You know what I mean." you replied without taking your eyes off the road. “I know you treat girls in clubs. Especially the ones you like.” 

His face showed shock and you laughed. “Sanzu, everyone in our immediate circle knows about it. I know you share them with Mikey too.” you shrugged, still slightly amused by Sanzu's expression. “I know that I drink a lot when we go to clubs... in fact, you could say that I'm more drunk than sober most of the time, but I can still tell the difference between fiction and reality. I know what you're doing because I've been involved in it more than once." 

“I... I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just that sometimes I can’t control myself and... “ He stopped himself, as if he didn't know how to finish the sentence. 

“Stop pretending. We know what you are like.” you chuckled as you turned into the neighborhood where Sanzu lived. “You'll propably woud do anything to steal girls from other people when we go to the clubs together.” You pulled into the underground parking lot and parked right next to Sanzu's refurbished car. “Just like a month ago when you gave the pill to the girl that Kokonoi was courting. He was mad at you when you dissapeared into the toilets with her. When I found you after an hour, I didn't know which of you was more fucked up, you or her. 

Sanzu chuckled remembering that situation. “You are right. I did that, but you don't have to make fun of me like this. It was just one time thing!” He said with nervous chuckle, trying to brush off your words as if it wasn't a big deal. 

You patted his thigh, still laughing quietly. “I don't. That situation was hilarious.” 

A smile appeared on the pink-haired man's face. “I'm having flashes. It was funny, but that girl is propably still pissed off at me..." he unbuckled his seat belt and put his hand on the car door. 

You unbuckled your seat belt as well and opened the door on your side. “Oh, she was. Fortunately, she didn’t feel bad enough about it to go to the police.” you gave him a quick glance. “You can be an asshole, but you're often lucky.” You both got out of the car, and you locked the car. “Except maybe that one time, when you gave Ran's new girlfriend the pill. It was a mistake. I haven’t seen a face as beaten up as yours after that action for a long time.” 

He looked away, looking embarrassed for a moment at your words. “I know... I feel so stupid for that.” He sighed quietly and you headed towards the elevator. “But it was fun to see her in pain and misery! It made me happy at the time!” 

You looked at him in silence for a moment before letting out a short laugh. “And that is Sanzu whom I know.” 

He chuckled along with you. “I can't help it... I just like seeing girls suffer.” His eyes lit up and he seemed happy, like he had someone that understood him... Unfortunately, you didn't always understand him completely. 

Sanzu pressed the elevator button and looked up at the floor display. 

“Exactly. Sometimes I wonder why.” you said quietly and Sanzu replied to you in a calm tone. 

“I don’t know either... Maybe it’s because I can be myself with you and no one will judge me? Or maybe it’s just something about girls that drives me crazy.” 

“Oh?”

“Girls are... They're complicated.” Still not looking in your direction, he asked, “You loved her?” Your ex?” 

“I did.” you replied quietly, scratching your head and sighing softly. “But her hypocrisy opened my eyes and now my heart is free again.” 

Even though you only saw the profile of Sanzu's face, you could see there was surprise on it. For a moment he didn't know what to say, or to say anything at all, but when he did speak, his voice was strangely soft and full of understanding. “I see... I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.” 

“What about you? Have you had someone other than Reiko longer?” 

“No. Not really, no." His voice was sad, as if he was feeling bad about himself. You couldn't remember if Sanzu had ever opened up to you like that. “I haven't had the best luck with girls either.” 

The elevator doors opened for you, and you stepped inside. “Hey... some girls went to bed with you without using drugs. Others are simply afraid that they won't be able to cope with your character. I’ve seen the way they look at you more than once. Anyway... if it doesn't work out for you with another girl, maybe look for a guy." you joked, but Sanzu's face turned as red as ever. 

“Y/n!” he said indignantly, and when the elevator doors closed, you chose the floor where his apartment was located. “I'm not that hopeless. Girls love me!... Maybe they don't necessarily know it yet, but...' His bright eyes wandered around the walls of the elevator, and the blush did not leave his cheeks. 

You shrugged and put your hands in your pants pockets. "I joked." You smiled at him, and an idea came to your mind to tease the pink-haired man a bit. You always wanted to see how much you could afford with him... Not necessarily because of how you felt about him... 

You reached your hand towards him and smoothed down the shorter strands of his hair, lightly tracing your fingers around the piercings in his ear. “Follow what makes you happy.” You said quietly, seeing him freeze, staring at the closed elevator door. You thought Sanzu was embarrassed, and you expected him to explode at any moment... but nothing happened. 

When you removed your hand, he slowly turned his head towards you and looked at you from under his long, thick eyelashes. There was something unreadable in his eyes, something you had never seen before, and the tone of his voice made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. “You're on very thin ice, L/n. You're lucky I like you, otherwise..." 

“You will be the death of me. I know, Haru.” You smiled slightly and a soft snort escaped Sanzu's lips. “Should I walk you to the door of your apartment? Will you get there alone?” You asked in a calm tone, looking into Sanzu's eyes. Their expressions didn't change, although you could have sworn his eyes dropped to your lips for a split second. 

“I'll go alone.” He replied by turning his head, and when the elevator stopped, he got out and walked down the hall towards his doors. “Come pick me up later, Y/n.” 

You watched his retreating figure and smiled slightly to yourself. “Of course, boss. Sweet dreams."

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