#gonna be real obnoxious for the next few days

[potaosoup]

just remembered it's ✨ace week✨

[shurisneakers]

unsolved (iii)

Summary: Bucky doesn't even believe in the paranormal. So who the hell thought it was a good idea to stick him in a series about everything haunted for the internet's amusement? With his loose-canon of a teammate who has no concept of subtlety or shits left to give, to make things even worse. (Buzzfeed unsolved AU)

Warnings: swearing, frustrated bucky at his little shit supreme, obnoxious reader, cryptids, graveyards

A/N: good evening. i am fighting demons (tummy ache). comments and feedback are always appreciated thank u for the love on the series so far i adore u guys sm <;33

Previous part || Series masterlist

A few days after the first video goes up, Bucky returns from his run to a SHIELD file taped to his door.  

He opens to a black and white photo of him from back in the day, and a page full of his details. Full name, blood group, previous addresses, aliases, best colours to match his undertone, favourite Gilmore Girl boyfriend. 

He flips the page to the section on his known connections, only for a sheet of paper to fall out. Sharpie sprawled haphazardly across it, in big red letters. 

NO AUNT. 

BITCH.

He bites back a grin.

The video does reasonably well. Not record breaking numbers or anything, but for once there aren’t TikToks of people counting how many times he blinks to make sure he’s an actual human. 

Always a man of his word, though he has regretted it every single time, he agrees to a second video. It follows after a disgraceful bout of bitching and even pleading, but a few hours later, he resigns himself to his fate silently. 

That is until the schedule for the next video shoot is posted to the server, and he sees it’s at night. 

The night he uses to sleep. The night.

Before he can even type out his rejection, his door receives four sharp knocks. He doesn’t even need to open it to know who it was.  

It’s like you could read his thoughts. Probably could. He doesn’t know the extent of your telekinesis. 

In your hands is a large cardboard box and on your face is a stupidly big grin. 

“Good evening,” you greet. 

“Tell me the show’s getting cancelled,” he says. 

“Nope. We–” you announce, reaching into the box and shoving something onto his chest, “--are going on a trip. Demon hunting.”

“Demon hunting?” 

“To Westley Cemetery,” you add, letting the box tumble onto the floor as you grip its contents. “To catch the Westley Cemetery Cryptid.”

“What the hell is the Westley Cemetery Cryptid?” Bucky demands.

“Creature that lives in the cemetery, watches people from the trees and runs after you if you’re there too long. No known kills, but a couple of scratches and spooks,” you list off. 

His face twists. “That’s not a real thing.”

“Uh, yes it is.” You rest a hand on your hip. “My sources told me so.”

“Who are your sources?”

“Twitter.”

Bucky stares at you without a word.

“It’s totally real. It’s got a Wikia page and everything,” you argue against his complete silence. “I believe in it.”

“That means nothing.”

“Rude.” You glare pointedly. “Anyway, point is, we’re going out tonight to the cemetery and we’re gonna catch this thing on tape.”

Bucky tracks your gaze to finally look down at what you’ve shoved into his hands. It’s a headband, with two cameras attached to it, one facing your face and the other outward. Night vision, he guesses. 

He sighs. “How long? An hour?” 

“Was Hamlet written in an hour? Was Sharknado filmed in an hour?” you exclaim. “Great art takes time. We’re staying out there as long as we need to. So help me, we will emerge victorious.”

Bucky stares at you. “Two hours.”

“Seven.”

“Thirty minutes.”

“Your will is weak and your spirit is cowardly.” You return his fixed look with equal intensity, if not more, which he didn't think was possible. “Three hours.”

“Deal.”

“Great.” You stick your hand out, and he grabs on firmly. “See you at 1am.”

“1am?!”

It is 1am, it is cold and Bucky is miserable. 

But he’s there. In the cemetery. With the stupid camera rig on his head. 

You offer him whiskey to warm him up, and he agrees. 

You then tell him you don’t actually have any because you didn’t think he’d accept.

He hates it here.

The wind whistles around the both of you. The eerie silence is only compounded by the fact that he can’t see anything beyond a certain point. The night is especially dark and there is no moonlight.

He trudges through the patchy grass, dry leaves crunching under his boots.

The camera being so close to his face along with the fact that you wouldn’t stop singing the same three fucking lines of the song over and over again, makes him want to tear his hair out.

“That thing’s not gonna get near us if you don’t shut up,” he grumbles.

“Nonsense,” you hum. “I’m a goddamn delight. He’s gonna be trippin’ over himself to get to me.”

“He doesn’t exist.”

“He definitely does, and you know what? I bet your shit vibes are gonna attract him. Moth to flame and all that. Karmic justice.” 

Bucky stares straight ahead, swerving to avoid running into cracked tombstones. 

You go back to singing, but worse this time. 

“What if we don’t get anything?” he interrupts, to protect his sanity. “No one wants to watch a bunch of people just walk around the dark for 20 minutes.”

There’s no response. 

It takes a second for Bucky to realise the singing’s stopped too.

He stops in his tracks, head swivelling to look for you.

“The fuck…” he mutters. 

In the cemetery, he is truly alone for a moment. Silent, other than wrought iron gates creaking in the far distance. 

The leaves of the tree above him rustle.

Bucky looks up, squinting against the darkness. 

Against the stillness of the night, he sees it. A figure stands tall on the branches of the tree, silhouette obscured by the leaves. 

It leers down at him, unmoving.

Bucky doesn’t even flinch.

“Very funny,” he says. “Hilarious.”

“We’ll fake it,” the figure calls from above. “If we don’t get any footage, I’ll just get on up there and fuck around and you record.”

“Get down,” he demands. “We’re not faking footage.”

If this show had to die this way, so be it.

“Bore,” you boo, lowering yourself to the ground with ease. “If I didn't know any better, I’d say you don’t want to be a part of this series.”

“I don’t.”

“Anyway,” you say obnoxiously, “we won’t have to. There is definitely a cryptid here. I can feel it in my bones.”

“We’re halfway through the graveyard and there’s nothing here,” he shoots back. “We should call it quits.”

“You’re right,” you say, to his surprise. “We need to cover more ground. Let’s split up.”

That is most definitely not what he was saying.

But you start singing again and so Bucky agrees faster than you finish the same stupid third line for the hundredth time that hour.

Bucky is a man of dignity.

Less than five minutes later, he gives up.

He takes a seat against the trunk of a tall tree, in a relatively open clearing. 

He figures if he just takes a nap then the two hours would pass by quicker. 

Bucky has no idea where you’ve gone. The lack of light doesn’t help, even with his advanced vision. 

He crosses his arms behind his head and settles back, eyes closing. 

Not even a second later, he wants to rip his hair out when the stupid song you were singing reintroduces itself in his head.

“For fuck’s sake,” he groans. 

The tree he’s leaning against shifts ever so slightly.

His eyes fly open, but he doesn’t move an inch.

Instinctually, his breathing slows and his ears tune in to pick up even the faintest sounds.

The draft whispers, and he knows for a fact that something is above him.

A branch cracks. 

“Go away,” Bucky says loudly. 

A second passes. 

And then another. 

“You’re supposed to be looking for the thing,” you shout.

“It’ll find me if it wants to.” He shifts to make himself more comfortable. “I’m givin’ him a real shot here.” 

“You didn’t even look up.”

“Didn’t have to.”

“He could have been above you.”

“But he wasn’t.” Bucky’s eyes close again. 

“You’re terrible.” It comes back muffled, and branches shift. “I’m headin’ that way. One of us has to put some effort into this.”

“Joy. Knock yourself out.”

The trunk moves under his muscles again and Bucky lets out a small exhale, settling back into the position he was in.

Until he hears you singing in the distance. Same three lines, same off-key tune.

Bucky drags his palm across his face. 

An hour passes. 

Unlike his original plan, he does not sleep.

He instead recounts every element he remembers from the periodic table. 

Replays every Dodgers game from his childhood, and then gets mad at their shift. 

Then he tries to recollect every fact he knows about you so far. Mutant, captured and experimented on, broke free several years before him. Met Nat along the way and befriended her. Telekinesis, slowed aging. Escape artist. Wedding videographer. Allegedly.

He just doesn’t get how you’re so goddamn chirpy all the time, given that he’d been through something similar and come out the way he had. 

It had taken him a month to say anything to anyone other than Steve. You went out for brunch with Sam the same weekend you showed up at the compound.

He doesn’t get you.

Speaking of which, he hasn’t actually seen you in a while. 

He checks the time on his watch. Nearly 3am.

He had a fucking workout in the morning and no lizard-man was going to be the cause for Steve outrunning him.

He pushes himself off the ground with a groan, and stretches out his sore limbs. Definitely too old for lying around a cemetery beyond midnight.

He calls out your name loudly, and then again, before waiting. 

He hears bells ringing in the distance. 

Bucky looks up.

In the shadows of the trees, he comes face to face with the same sight as before. A figure, standing on the branches.  

“There’s nothing here,” he calls out, sighing. “Can we just leave?”

The twigs creek, and for a second he thinks you’re going to fall. 

“Already told you I’m not faking footage, get down from there,” he repeats. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you at the gate.”

The leaves shuffle around before he hears branches break. 

Something you say gets obscured by your movement, but you disappear again. He thinks that maybe you were cursing him out, and deservedly so. He just couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

He rolls his eyes, but starts making his way to the entrance of the graveyard.

The walk back is faster, and he holds back a yawn as the gates start creeping up on the horizon. 

There’s no sign of you. He half thinks you ditched him here and went back to the compound. Or fell off the tree and were just laying there. 

But he decides to wait, leaning against the exposed concrete wall. 

Eyes closed, he rubs his temples and decides that if you’re not here in the next thirty seconds, he’ll just–

“Hey,” you greeet from right in front of him.

“Where the hell did you go?” he demands. 

You blink at him, before holding up a wrapper. 

“Got a sandwich. I was hungry. The diner was real nice too, I spent like half an hour talkin’ to the owner.”

He stares at you. “You just left to get a sandwich?”

“Yeah, and I got you one, too,” you reply, tossing him a paper bag. “You’re welcome. God bless that man, but those things aren’t cheap.”

“You’ve not been here for the last half hour?”  

“I mean, I spent like ten minutes looking.” You shrug, taking another bite. “All I got was a bunch of grass.”

Ten minutes. Bucky had sat under the stupid tree for an hour. 

“So you just left,” he says dryly.

“Yes,” you reply like it’s not even worth debating. “Besides, if anyone could find a cryptid it’d be you. A fellow cryptid.”

Bucky spins on his heel to leave.

“You’re welcome for dinner,” you call out, and he can hear you laugh.

He flips you the finger, and regrets it a second later when your singing resumes.

The sandwich is good. He appreciates it.

He even manages to keep pace with Steve the next morning. 

What he doesn’t appreciate is coming back to fifteen missed calls and four video calls from you.

From: co-host (TGS)

can you pick up 

From: co-host (TGS)

i know you have nothing going on in your life you are bitchless

Bucky switches off his phone for the next three hours. 

Finally, it’s a threat that you will show up at his door again and Bucky finally video calls you back that evening. 

“What,” he states.

“Took you long enough,” you huff, sitting up to adjust the camera. In the middle of the ordeal, Bucky sees your laptop open.

“What do you want?” he repeats.

“The team sent over the videos from last night,” you tell him. “At some point in the video you said ‘we’re not faking footage, get down from there.”

“Yeah.”

He hears you play the footage faintly in the background, almost to substantiate your point. He cringes at the sound of his own voice.  

“Who were you talking to?” 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Heard you in the trees. Figured you climbed up there again.”

“Ah.” You click your tongue. “Interesting.”

“What.”

You hum. “See, that wasn’t me.”

Bucky’s eyes narrow. “Yes, it was.”

“No, it wasn’t,” you say calmly. “I’d left to get dinner way before all that.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious. Got the timestamp on my video to prove it.” You look up at him through the camera finally. “So who were you actually talking to, Barnes?”

Bucky’s nose twitches.

“Bye,” he says shortly.

“Dude,” he hears you laugh loudly through the phone. “I fuckin’ told you you’d attract these things, you–”

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing!

to keep up with updates for this fic and others, please follow @shurisneakersupdates and turn on post notifications!

Next part

[restinslices]

Everything pt2

PJO Show Ares X Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 6168 (I realized a bit late that majority is me setting up the scene. If you just wanna see their talk, read after the “~~”)

Summary: You haven’t seen your father since the last time you talked, but of course with your luck he finds you again and you’re forced to make a big decision.

Warnings: Reader is going through it, poor attempt at a fight scene, the lore and timeline is probably fucked up but ignore that, OOC Ares probably and as of typing I’m realizing MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE TITANS CURSE. To avoid this, scroll until you see “I don’t have any friends that come over” or “~” if you wanna be extra careful.

You’d love to say that not seeing your father after your last talk was some sort of surprise, but it wasn’t. Thankfully (is that selfish to think?) none of the demigods had a real good relationship with their parent. Well, Percy seemed to have a solid relationship with Posideon, but it’s not like he saw him everyday. And as selfish and heartless as it sounded, that offered you a bit of relief and comfort. It’s not like your father was sensitive and loving to you and you screwed it up. Everything was pretty much back to normal. 

 It was a pretty somber day at camp. Percy, Grover and Thalia had managed to save Annabeth and Artemis, but it didn’t come without casualties. You weren’t necessarily friends with Bianca or Zoë but you still grieved over them. The hardest part though, was watching how sad your friends had gotten, especially Percy. You knew what Percy was like. Percy was extremely loyal but that loyalty led to carrying a lot more weight on his shoulders than what was necessary. If your suspicions were right (and you knew they were), he’d blame himself for Bianca’s death. That made zero sense to you. He told you exactly how she died and to you, it seemed like Bianca made a choice. Percy couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He didn’t see it that way and you weren’t sure why you insisted on telling him over and over again and trying to cheer him up. 

 “Nico?” Percy raised to his feet when he saw you approaching. You shook your head,

 “No sign of him. He’s been missing for a week now Percy. If we were gonna find him, we would’ve found him by now”. Percy looked defeated. You were sure he knew the chances of finding him were slim to none, but you kept combing areas of the woods for him to keep him somewhat at peace. If he thought there was a chance, he wouldn’t be as depressed hopefully. 

 “I’m gonna say it again-“

 “Don’t”

 “Well what should I say to calm you down?”

 Percy thought for a moment but just shrugged and started heading inside his cabin and you followed. Percy collapsed on his own bed and you took it upon yourself to sit on the bed next to his. You didn’t know if it was because you held resentment towards your father, or if you actually liked Cabin 3 but you really wished this was your cabin instead. “Must be nice having a cabin all to yourself. No obnoxious cabin mates, no extra noise, nobody leaving their shit on the floor”.

 “I guess” was all he said back to you and you sighed. You didn’t wanna keep repeating yourself but you genuinely didn’t know what to say but not saying anything made you feel like an asshole that was ignoring the situation. 

 So you tried to change the subject. 

“Is it like this at home too? Just you and your mom? No friends over?”. 

 “I don't have any friends that can come over”

 “None at school?”

 “None”.

 That made you frown. You were older than Percy by a few years, so you had time to adjust to how lonely life could be as a half-blood and by now, you didn't return “home” either. Camp was your home now year round. You understood why Percy kept going home though. You heard about his mom and she seemed like a nice woman. You were grateful he at least had that. 

 But instead of saying something sweet and nice and voicing your thoughts, you made a joke instead. “That's why your little ass keeps getting into trouble. You have no one out there watching out for you”

 “My mom watches out for me plenty”

 “But she's not keeping schools from being blown up now is she?”. Percy rolled his eyes, but he didn't look as sad as before so you took this as a sign to keep talking “if I was watching you, you'd be alright. At least you'd have help”

 “You're tryna live with me now?”

 “Sure”, you said with a shrug. “A cool mom, random blue food, stopping you from exposing yourself - it all sounds grand”. You both laughed at your joke because that's what it was. A joke. 

 At least… it was at first. 

 Either Percy didn't know what a joke was, or he was pretty fond of having a big sibling when he was home because the next day he told you he sent an Iris message to his mom and she was fine with getting an air mattress for you. You almost told Percy that it was just a joke, but then you thought about how lonely he must be at home and how annoying it can be only having his mom to talk to about this demigod stuff. Plus, it hopefully wouldn't hurt to get a break from camp. 

 You didn't know why you decided to pray and tell Poseidon about this, but you did. The sun had set and you slipped out of your cabin and snuck into the woods. You made a mini fire and threw two candy bars the Stoll brothers managed to sneak in, which was a real shitty offering but it was all you had. You couldn't do it during the feast. You had too much to say and someone would hear. 

 “Terrible offering, I know. I hope you're listening anyway” you started. “I'm gonna be following Percy around when he goes home and I'm gonna try and keep him and Sally somewhat safe. I don't know how safe Percy can really be but I'll try anyway. I hope that's not a problem. I'm not tryna step on your toes or anything”. 

 In all honesty praying and giving offerings felt strange. You were supposed to pray to Ares everyday and give him an offering, but you stopped doing that after your last talk. The first time you threw food in a fire and didn't say his name, you thought you'd combust as a punishment. You didn't though, so you kept doing it. Occasionally you'd give offerings to other gods but it was mainly Athena. Partially because she was like Ares but not really and partially because you hoped it would upset Ares. Was it childish? Yes. But compared to someone as old as Ares, you were a child. 

 “That's all I really have to say. If you don't want me to go you can drown me in my sleep or maybe send a letter. Whatever works for you”. You looked around, expecting for some paper saying “absolutely not” to land somewhere around you but nothing happened, so you put out the fire and snuck back into your cabin. 

~

 You don't think you have a huge ego, but you definitely felt you deserved a pat on the back for how good your work was. 

 You were able to convince your own lousy family to hand over any legal documents to Sally and thankfully Percy's middle school had a highschool right next to it. Although the demigods weren't supposed to use phones, a minor text here and there saying “hey, I think there's monsters here” didn't hurt anyone. There were plenty of times you had to sneak out of your school and into his, and if you weren't so busy fighting for your life, you'd audition to be in some spy or assassin movie. 

 Thankfully though, you weren't always busy helping Percy. You figured you might as well help Sally out so you got a job at a nearby bookstore inside of a mall and honestly? You'd prefer fighting monsters over dealing with bratty customers. Seriously though, how can you be a bitch at a bookstore? 

 “I've already told you ma'am” you said in a monotone voice, “we can't give you a refund if you do not have a receipt”. 

 The black hair woman scoffed and looked at you as if you caused the problem she was having. “A receipt? Do I seem like the type of woman who keeps a receipt?! When I bought Twilight, I expected better and I hate it and now I want a refund and as the customer, I am always right!”. 

 The entire conversation made you wanna explode in front of her and change the trajectory of her life, but unfortunately it didn't happen. What was with mortals and not understanding basic store rules?

 “I would love it if you were right but you're not. No receipt. No refund”. She scoffed again and you wanted to grab her by the throat and stop the noise from ever leaving her mouth again. 

 “Well what do you expect me to do?!”

 “Pick up a different book then get out maybe?”. 

 You couldn't put a finger on the noise that came out of her next. It was some deep throaty sound with a mix of anger and disgust. “Do you know who I am? I'm Holly Holiday-” you accidentally cracked a smile at her stupid name and that just fueled her rage. She pointed a finger at your name tag and said your name, followed by “you are so done for! I'll have you eaten alive for this!”. 

 She turned on her heels and left in a huff. Fucking finally. 

 You looked over at your coworker Harper and pretended your fingers were a gun and shot yourself, getting a laugh out of her. Harper and her twin Hazel shared a few classes with you and by some coincidence they also worked in the mall. Harper was with you while Hazel worked at the costume store downstairs. You couldn't tell them apart and you weren't sure if you'd ever pass the “we talk sometimes” stage but it didn't matter right now. 

 “I know it's closing time but are you ok if I take a bathroom break really quick? I can help out when I get back”

She waved dismissively, “take your time man. Hazel'll be coming up here too”. You nodded with a small thank you and stepped into the mostly vacant mall. The mall was usually lively but with it being so late at night, the only people around were other people like that annoying customer and workers who had the misfortune of still working this late. 

 It was eerily quiet. Sure, you thought you were used to how silent it was at this time of night, but you still got the creeps and did not take your time alone in the bathroom. 

 Maybe you should have though, because once you left the bathroom that same annoying lady was waiting outside, which she definitely should not have been doing. 

 “I told you I did not like that book”. 

 Seriously? She was still complaining? She was still here after the store had pretty much closed? 

 You said something that would've gotten you fired if your boss was around, “yeah? Tough shit lady. No receipt, no refund, it's as simple as that. Don't buy books you haven't read. Now get out the mall and go take care of your kids”. 

 She snarled. A genuine snarl that made you start to sneakily slip off the bracelet you were wearing. You didn't know if gods could give other kids gifts, and either it had been allowed this whole time or Poseidon didn't care since shortly after your “chat” after hours you received a dagger that could transform into a bracelet. You thought maybe Ares had sent it, but his gifts didn't smell of the ocean and a fresh breeze. 

 Regardless of who gave it to you, that snarl didn't sound good. 

 “I don't think you're very good at your job”

 “I guess I'm not. Now do us both a favor and just leave”. 

 She didn't leave. Instead she smirked and that was all the confirmation you needed to know something was wrong. The bracelet slipped off your wrist and while the monster was transforming, you gripped your weapon and brought it up through the bottom of her mouth. You pulled it out, but not through the entry wound. You pulled it towards you, letting it split her face in half. 

 Just in case, you stabbed her in the heart, twisted the knife then pulled it out of her through the side of her chest. You didn’t have to wait for her to crumble. It was game over. A surprisingly easy win. 

 You grabbed some nearby napkins so you could wipe your dagger clean then returned it back to your wrist. 

 “What happened?” Harper asked once you stepped back inside, which was really odd for multiple reasons. 

 Firstly, you looked like you usually did. Nothing about you was particularly out of place. At least you didn't think so. 

 Secondly, she didn't sound curious. She didn't sound concerned. She sounded frustrated, like you did something wrong. 

 “Nothing” you lied. “It's nothing. Let's just clean up, yeah?”. 

 “I'm sure it's not nothing Child of Ares”. 

Your brows knitted together and you hoped you just heard wrong. You turned to look at Harper and that's when it started to click. 

 Harper. Hazel. Holly. 

 Harpies. 

 They were too lazy to pick a different initial for the first name and you fell for it like an idiot. Plus the “I’ll have you eaten alive” comment. But in all fairness, who actually takes those comments seriously? If you took every threatening comment seriously, you'd be sent to an asylum. 

 Harper's short red hair looked like flames now. Her green eyes looked hungry for your flesh and her sharp teeth glistened in the light as feathers grew from her arms. Realistically, you should've been scared. There were two alive harpies in the building, but something about a monster with a gray shirt with mini white books decorated on it really made you wanna laugh. She must've sensed this since she sneered, 

 “You think I'm funny?”

 “Do you want an honest answer?”

 “You won't think I'm so funny soon you spoiled demigod!”. You wanted to make a joke about how calling children with severe abandonment issues “spoiled” was silly, but you decided this wasn't the time. Instead you took the bracelet off. 

 Harper laughed in your face. “You think that will stop me?” 

 “Handled your friend pretty well. How about you stop trash talking and come over here so we can see if you're any different”. You don't know which comment got her so angry but she leapt at you. 

 You sidestepped her and planned on delivering a quick stab to the neck, but she must've seen it coming. She grabbed something and quickly turned to bat you in the face with it, making you stumble back. It took you a quick second to realize she hit you with a book. A Goosebumps book no less. 

 “You are incredibly childish” you mumbled and you wished you could laugh it off. Maybe you were childish too because you picked up the book and launched it at her face, feeling a tad bit disappointed when she dodged it. 

 You swung at her but she caught your wrist and squeezed hard enough to make you drop your dagger. You were quick on your feet though and you brought your available elbow down on her inner elbow (you were sure it had a scientific name but honestly who cares?). You heard a crunch and Harper screeched. Her grip loosened enough for you to snatch away while kicking her, her flying and hitting the railing. 

 You grabbed the dagger and threw it. You meant for it to hit somewhere fatal but she moved and instead it hit her directly in the eye, which made her screech even louder. 

 You snatched your necklace off and the object quickly took the shape of a double sided sword. It was a gift from your father and although he was probably pissed at you, you figured he probably wasn't watching and wouldn't care. 

 You charged at her and swung the sword. Although she was screaming in pain and was no doubt in agony, she slid under the blade. As she turned to face you, her hands moved and a sharp gust of wind knocked you off the third floor. 

 To make matters worse, Hazel decided to make an appearance. She was right below you, cackling, arms outstretched and you knew if you landed in those arms she'd devour you. 

 You did the only thing you could think of with such short timing. You angled the sword vertically and aimed directly for her mouth. She seemed to understand but it was too late. You came crashing down, your sword along with you and it slid directly in her mouth and down her throat. Because of the sword having a solid middle so you could hold onto something, it didn't go all the way through and you stumbled a bit, but you were better off than her. She stopped all movement and to make sure the job was done, you ripped the sword through her, cutting her in half. 

 “MY SISTER!”,  Harper screeched and you looked up at her with your messy sword in hand. 

 “You want more from the Child of Ares?!” You claimed you hated trash talk and you especially hated being called his child but the adrenaline was really getting to you. “I have plenty to give!”. 

 She flew up higher and started to come down fast towards you. You readied your sword, prepared to end this but suddenly she stopped and started trembling. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 Before you could ask any questions and she could finish her sentence, you were being launched into the air. The scream you let out was embarrassing but it didn't matter in the end. You both collided and hit the wall and instead of being knocked out or injured like you thought you'd be, you were completely fine. Your sword went straight through her chest and pinned her to the wall behind her and you were hanging above the ground, grasping onto the hilt of your sword and hoping your hands wouldn’t start sweating. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 No. No way. It couldn’t be. But who else could’ve launched you in the air like that?

 You looked down and there he was. You don’t know why, but you expected him to look somewhat different. Maybe a new haircut or a new jacket. Maybe he’d try contacts, but no. He looked exactly the same. You didn’t know if you were comforted or unnerved by it.

 You wished you had something cool to say but all you said was “what are you doing here?”.

 “Saving your life”. Yeah right. You had everything 100% under control. He chuckled and you started to wonder if he could read your mind. When you screamed internally though, he didn’t flinch so that theory went out the window. Maybe you looked annoyed and didn’t know it. 

 “Are you gonna catch me?” You asked.

 “What for?”

 “Because you threw me all the way to the fifth floor and it’d be nice not to break something”

 “You need me to warm up milk up for you too?”.

 Fuck it. You’d risk the broken leg.

 You tightened your hands around the hilt and planted your feet on the wall then pushed off with all your might. Fortunately, you got the sword out the wall. Unfortunately, you were now falling from five floors up. 

 You braced for impact, but instead of falling and hitting the floor, you fell into someone’s arms. You looked up, thinking that maybe someone was with your father that you didn’t see before, but no. It was him. He caught you. Something you weren’t expecting but you weren’t against.

 You mumbled a thanks and stood on your feet. The year was 2006 when you last talked. It was early in 2008 and while that wasn’t that big of a gap, the talk you had last time made things more awkward. 

 “I thought you’re not allowed to interfere”

 He raised a brow at you as if saying “you care about rules now when you’ve been breaking them?”. Were you breaking them though? Sure you were encouraged to give offerings to your parent but you hadn’t been punished… yet. If it was so bad you wouldn’t be walking right now. And you doubted he paid enough attention to notice. He was probably relieved to have one less kid bothering him.

 Gods, you were a downer.

 “Are you gonna tell on me?” He asked.

 “If you hadn’t caught me”

 “And now?”

 “My lips are sealed”. You didn’t see his expression. You were too busy looking down at your shoes. A habit you hated you developed. It made you feel small. But you guessed demigods were supposed to be small in comparison to their parent. That’s why you showed them respect but they hardly returned the favor. 

 A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.

 “You have money on you?”.

 Was he gonna rob you now? “Uh, yeah”.

 “You’re paying for dinner. Let’s go”

 He started walking away before you could even respond, and like a reflex you grabbed his arm to slow him down. “I can’t”.

 “Can’t?” He said so calmly it kinda scared you.

 “Yeah. I can’t. My uh…” you decided not to tell him the entire truth about staying with Percy and Sally. “My ride… mom. She’s coming to get me. You don’t want mom knowing you’re in town, right?”. 

 He looked you up and down and you tried your best to not seem nervous. You weren’t sure he believed you but he let it go for the night.

 You wished it stayed that way. That he’d just go back wherever he came from but instead he told you the name of a diner nearby and said to be there by noon tomorrow and that you were paying. 

 “Great. Thanks dad” you thought. “I always love our talks”.

~~

 The good thing about his random plan to go to a diner at noon was that you were allowed to clean yourself and sleep beforehand. The bad thing was that now you were sitting across from him and it was incredibly awkward. 

 Ares kept laughing at his phone and you debated on asking him what was so funny but he said “started a Twitter war about vaccination. It’s getting good”. You screamed in your head again, but once again he didn’t flinch. Maybe he just had a good poker face.

 “I’m happy for you?”. He glanced up at you and instead of going back to his phone, he set it face down on the table. You didn’t know if he seemed to glow because of the little war he started, or if a source of light was hitting him nicely. Maybe it was a god thing. 

 “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here”

 Was this an HR meeting? “I’m wondering why I’m paying”

 “Ask me”

 “You know I wanna know though so why am I asking?”

He didn’t respond. He just looked at you and you could hear his foot tapping on the floor.

 You rubbed your brow, already feeling a migraine coming on. You took a deep breath and let out a sarcastic response (which was not a good idea but your mouth worked faster than your brain). 

 “Ares, the amazing God of War. The Protector of Mistreated Women. Wearer of biker jackets. I come before you as your humble child, begging thee to tell me what required my summons and why you were at the mall last night. Please please please tell me. I’ll fall over and die if you don’t”.

 Sarcastic or not, he accepted it. He motioned towards the platter of burgers and fries, “this is your thank you. This is your offering to me since you haven’t been doing that”. 

 Well fuck. You didn’t think he’d notice. 

You leaned back in your seat and your fingers strummed against your knees and you had to remind yourself that running out probably wouldn’t end well.

 “You noticed?”

 “I did” he said simply. It reminded you of how emotionless he was the last time you talked. It reminded you of how frustrated you were that he talked as if nothing was wrong and as if your pain didn’t affect him. 

 “You demigods think you’re so smart. You have these big egos and think you’re ahead of us. You gave your offerings to Athena and Poseidon of all people ” he spat their names like it left a bitter taste in his mouth to mention them. 

 “And then you stay with that fish boy and his mom. Yeah. I saw that too. And I save your life and you don’t seem the least bit grateful”.

 Grateful.

 Something about that word you hated.

 Grateful? What was there to be grateful for? “Yeah dad, I’m super grateful my life consists of monsters trying to eat me and a dad I only see once in a blue moon. Totally grateful”.

 “We can’t interfere”

 “Didn’t stop you last night”

 He tsked, “I don’t get you. You complain about my absence then you complain when I’m here when I could be doing anything else!”. His voice rose but the people in the diner were either used to this or didn’t care enough to say anything.

 The nervousness and the fear rolled off you the more he spoke. Gratefulness? Doing anything else? You weren’t stopping him. 

 “Then go do those things. I’m not holding your hand and making you stay”. Your brain told you to shut up and apologize, but your mouth wasn’t having it. “And this isn’t about us and you know it. This is about you. This is about your ego being hurt. You don’t care about my safety. You didn’t go to the mall to protect me. You just love a fight and you were probably disappointed you couldn’t do more”

 “That’s what you think?” His eyes burned with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger obviously, but it seemed like something else was there. Or maybe there was literal fire in his eyes. Either way, it was clear he was upset and if you didn’t shut up soon, he’d probably turn you into a random animal.

 But who didn’t love animals?

 “That’s what I know. And I didn’t need your help. I was just fine. The only thing you would’ve missed if I somehow died was your little offerings. I don’t matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. Ares opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke again “and for your information Percy and Sally are very nice people. They feel more like family than you do”. 

 That shut up whatever he planned on saying. The last time you two talked you swore you saw an emotion cross his face. This time you were definitely sure you saw something cross his face before it went back to its default expression. 

 Was that regret? 

 No. That was stupid and you’ve had plenty of stupid thoughts. 

 It went silent. Weirdly, eerily silent. 

The diner wasn’t silent obviously but you two were.

You both were just staring at each other like statues. You wished you could read his mind. You hoped you would see thoughts of regret and sorrow and maybe hopefulness about your relationship going forward. You wished he had the same thoughts you had. Another stupid thought. Being hopeful didn’t work with him.

 For whatever reason, your mind wandered off to the late night talks you’d have with Sally and for whatever other reason, you started to speak.

 “Have you heard the song American Pie? Yes, it’s somewhat important to what I have to say. Yes or no only please”

 He looked bored and unamused but he answered anyway. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who cares?”.

 “There’s a line in the song that says this’ll be the day that I die. And for whatever reason it made me think about what I’d do if I were dying. If I woke up one day and I knew I was gonna die that day, what would I do? You wanna know what I realized?”

 He raised his brows for a second and leaned back in his chair. There was a possibility he was still bored but he seemed somewhat interested. “Shoot”.

 You smiled bitterly. Here he was so calm and fine and here you were, speaking slow and hoping your voice didn’t waver or crack. “I realized-” you failed. Your voice wobbled a bit and you cleared your throat a little too loud. “I realized I’d spend every second trying to make you love me”.

 You didn’t bother trying to read any expression he had next. You knew you’d always get it wrong and you’d imagine what you wanted to see. “And I uh… I don’t wanna be that way anymore”. You blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling out. You didn’t have the rain to cover your face and blend in like you did last time. “And selfishly I hope that scares you”.

 “Gods don’t feel fear”

 “Well whatever you wanna call it I hope you feel it. I hope -and I’m gonna keep calling it fear- I hope you feel afraid for what that means for us”

 “Allow me to humor you for a bit” you felt as though the comment was supposed to be sarcastic but it didn’t sound sarcastic or aggressive. It was weirdly soft. “Why would you not wanting to spend your last day with me scare me?”

 “Because that means I won’t admire you anymore” you answered. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how much you mean to me. You don’t get how much I used to idolize you. Before I was claimed, I was already intrigued by you. Once I was claimed I read every single story that had to do with you. I was honored to be your child and tried to show you how honored I was everyday. I didn’t do all this for me. The training, bettering my Greek, learning everything I could about mythology. I didn’t do that for me. I did that so I would never shame your name and make you look like you raised incompetent idiots. The way I would defend your name and what you represent, you’d think I was being paid”

 “Me not admiring you anymore means I won’t care about defending you. It means I won’t care anymore about our family relationship. And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you. That emptiness or indifference I’ll feel when I hear your name… I know it hasn’t happened yet but thinking about it terrifies me too. Maybe I’m just selfish and don’t wanna be alone”. You used your sleeve to wipe at your wet face, a mix of embarrassment and relief for finally getting this out of you. “I could be right. I doubt it. I’m probably just making all that up but either way I need you to stop doing this. Seeing you at all, it gives me hope. I don’t want an enemy for life. I’m not Percy. But this is just gonna make this harder and if you hate me I am begging you to have mercy and leave me be. No visiting. I won’t come to see you when we do that little field trip either. I’ll stay at camp or I’ll go bother another god. Hermes is really nice. And if I break my end of the deal you can do whatever you want to me. Turn me into an ant, rearrange my fingers, throw me down a flight of stairs at full force, whatever”.

 There you went again making up shit. Swearing you saw something worse than sadness on his face; grief. That was impossible. Your eyes were just playing tricks on you like they always did. 

 You didn’t know what you wanted him to say, but you didn’t expect “you think, but you don’t know anything”.

 “Then tell me what I don’t know”. He didn’t say anything. He went silent and you were getting real tired of his silences. You sighed, “Sally’s been waiting outside so…”

 “Yeah…”. He let out a breath. Annoyance. Had to be. “You want this?” He asked.

 You were honest. “No” you said instantly. “No I don’t but this just seems like the best thing to do”. He didn’t argue with you. 

 Your hand went to reach inside your pocket for money but then he spoke again “keep it”.

 “It’s no problem-”.

 “Just keep it”.

 You nodded. 

 You stayed sitting down. Why was it so hard to stand? Why did your legs feel so wobbly and your throat so dry? Why did your chest feel like a huge weight was crushing it? Weren’t you supposed to feel the opposite? Free and lively? Feel like you could float?

 Another stupid thing escaped your lips. “Can you do me a favor?”.

 “Another one?” He asked lifelessly- no. He was not lifeless. He was happy. You were sure of it. You’d leave and he’d cheer because he wouldn’t have to deal with another kid anymore. You knew it.

 “It’s not a favor if you don’t wanna see me either”. Another bit of silence but you weren’t surprised. “Can we do that thing mortals do? You know, when they hug and say they love each other before they go their own way? Or maybe just the ‘I love you’ part”. He looked at you for a bit and you were about to apologize for making it weird and leave but Ares stood up. 

 You stood up.

 It’s strange how something you’ve never done before can feel so right. Like it was always meant to happen or always supposed to be this way. You weren’t necessarily cold and Ares wasn’t a heater, but the second he wrapped his arms around you and you did the same for him, you felt much warmer. Not a burden type of warmth. The kind of warmth that brings you relief on a freezing cold day. That crushing feeling stayed the same though.

 “I love you dad” you said and it fell out so naturally, you’d forgive anyone for thinking this was a normal occurrence. That the fight you had was just a small disagreement but otherwise you two had an amazing relationship.

 You didn’t know how the words “I love you too” would sound coming out of his mouth, but it sounded better than you hoped for. It once again sounded natural and genuine even if you knew it wasn’t. 

 You thought it wasn’t.

 No. You knew it wasn’t. This was no time for brain tricks and delusions. 

 Pulling apart was probably the hardest thing you had to do and your job was keeping Percy Jackson safe. That sudden coldness fell over you again and the crushing got worse.

 It didn’t get any better when you left. You didn’t have the guts to look at him one last time, afraid you’d call off your deal right then and there if you made eye contact with him. 

 Luckily Sally was an intelligent person. She was smart enough not to ask how it went. Even if she did, it’s not like you could answer with the huge lump in your throat. 

 “Do you want ice cream dear?”.

 You shrugged. There was that word again. Want. You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You thought you did but it all felt wrong. There was no weight lifted off your shoulders and you didn’t feel light on your feet. You felt cold and hollow. The weight got worse and pushed down on you with so much force, you didn’t know it was even possible. 

 Then your eyes landed on his bike and it all came out. Your head fell into your hands and you let out sobs that were lodged deep in your chest. Your ears were ringing and you were sure you looked and sounded like the most pathetic person alive but you couldn’t care anymore. Sally, once again being an intelligent woman, took that as a sign it was time to go and pulled off. You assumed Sally would’ve dropped Percy off after you went inside. You assumed he wouldn’t wanna wait out here for you while you talked to one of the people that hated him the most. His hand patted your shoulder, notifying you that he was in the car still. Usually you’d make a joke and tell them that you were fine, but nothing came out but borderline hysterical sobs. 

 You grew jealous of Percy. He didn’t see Poseidon much but at least he knew deep down that Poseidon cared for him. Sometimes you’d get that feeling but you thought it was all a delusion. Fuck. Why did you keep doing that? You knew it was all a delusion. 

 That choice had to be the right one. It needed to be the right one.

 That didn’t stop this wave of agony from drowning you, and you’d fight a thousand harpies if it meant this feeling would go away.

Omg y’all I did it😭. I mixed two ideas someone suggested with my own ideas and here we are. I hope y’all like it even though a huge portion is me yapping but to be fair I didn’t realize until after I was done and summarizing all of that didn’t seem like it’d sound right, yk? There was definitely a way I could’ve done it but I’m stupid soooo… yeah. Anyway, OOC Ares but this is my angsty fantasy so I’m making him care about his kids. In my head the whole “I hate my own kids” is him trying to convince himself he doesn’t care for them so it’s easier to stay apart from them. Idk, maybe I’ll make a part 3 from his perspective and answer why he said he was saving their life. I make no promises tho. And I know I said it’s show Ares so skipping ahead doesn’t make sense but we know what’s gonna happen Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs (one asked to be tagged, one asked for more dad fics, then one commented plus reblogged and one reblogged, so although majority did not ask, imma just assume y’all would wanna see a part 2😀. We’re getting the band back together like this is Phineas and Ferb)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hiiiiiii

If it’s not too much trouble, could you do a platonic team star x team star member!reader who became a dragon type specialist squad leader and joined because they got bullied for being a fan of other famous dragon type users like Lance and Raihan?

(Sorry if this is too specific)

Oh no worries, I like specific so it's all good!

..........

"I'm gonna be just like them one day.." Sighing dreamily, you sat down at the cafeteria table, watching a video on your rotomphone while chowing down breakfast.

It was footage of a fierce Pokémon battle in Galar--a showdown between two of your idols, who were among the most famous dragon trainers of all time: Lance and Raihan.

Of course, you looked up to many other dragon type users in Paldea, but these two in particular kickstarted your dreams of becoming one yourself, inspired by their interviews and fierce determination.

You also hoped to meet them and have a battle, although that was a little too farfetched for you right now..

Yet you didn't let that discourage you from forming your own dragon team, using your studies at Uva/Naranja Academy to teach them all the best moves and remember type matchups.

Tatsugiri was your main partner, and when combined with your Dondozo..it was an absolute powerhouse in double-battles--albeit this academy usually focused on the traditional single battles.

You were also currently raising a Drakalok, Cyclizar, Arctibax, and Sliggoo, and you cherished all of them dearly. Tatsugiri was a bit of an attention hog at times, though, and always wanted to stay out of its ball and on your shoulder.

You didn't mind it, of course. Whether you're heading to class or to a tournament where dragon trainers were going to participate, you always went together.

Life was perfect.

Except for-

"Still prattling on about being the next famous dragon gym leader, huh?"

-one of your bullies already ruining your day before it could even begin.

For some reason..a few kids at the academy really had it out for you simply because you admired famous dragon trainers. You didn't think there was anything wrong with looking up to your idols. But apparently they thought you were being too "obnoxious" about it and sought to make your life utterly miserable.

It only got worse when you spoke up about it to a teacher, as that bully got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist--that being to train their Pokémon as "punishment".

By sheer convenience, they had ice and fairy types. And that teacher only gave them the chance to make their team stronger and further intimidate you...to the point where you're afraid to go outside, fearing they'll drag you into a battle.

You've kept silent since, hoping to avoid them at all costs and try to keep your grades up. But unfortunately, Arceus wasn't smiling upon you today...and quite frankly, you were tired.

Huffing, you switched off your phone and scowled up at the bully. "Still following me around campus, huh?" You mocked, with Tatsugiri hopping on the table and mimicking your expression. "That's kinda creepy if you ask me."

"Well those stupid fangs of yours are creeping everyone out." They sneered, pointing out your sharp teeth. "Halloween is over, y'know."

"I've already told you..these are canines, and they are real."

"Yeah? More like real freaky."

"Look, just leave me alone before you anger Tatsugiri." You warned, watching as their gaze shifted to your ace, falling silent for a moment or two...

Before erupting into laughter. "Oh wow, I'm soooooo scared of your stupid sushi roll! What ever will I do??" They shook their head. "If you want my advice, dump this thing and get yourself a real dragon. Like a Charizard or-"

"You don't get to decide WHO I can have as a partner!!!" Your hands slammed onto the table as you stood up, fists clenched with anger. Even though you could see people's heads turning in your peripheral vision, you didn't care. "Tatsugiri may not look it, but it's more powerful than you'll ever know! You don't know our bond, so just back off already!!"

"Oooooh, I didn't know you knew Outrage..better not hit yourself in confusion." They snickered.

"...why are you like this?" With slumped shoulders, you frowned at them. "Why do you keep tormenting me day after day?! I've done nothing to you. Is it a crime to admire my heroes? To wanna be like them?"

"No, but you'd be an embarrassment to every future dragon tamer. I mean who'd wanna see a pathetic thing like that in the Elite Four? Or on a Champion's team? Raihan and Lance would laugh in your face and crush you if they saw-"

"STOP IT!!" You finally snapped, hitting the table again before taking out one of your pokeballs. "Do you want a battle?! Is that what you want?!! Then you'll get it-!!"

"[Y/n], what is the meaning of this?"

Hearing the voice of the director made all the color drain from your face. The bully just smirked as you slowly turned to Harrington, seeing him looking at you with a frown.

"This is the second disturbance you've caused in this same area. You know battles aren't permitted inside the academy."

It's only then did you realize everybody in the cafeteria was staring..and you shrunk back in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, Director. I didn't mean to shout. They were just-"

But when you tried to point out the bully, they were gone.

How convenient.

"From how it looks..you were intimidating them. And you should also know we have a zero tolerance policy for such behavior."

"But I wasn't..they-!" You tried in vain to defend yourself, yet the look on Harrington's face told you he didn't wanna hear any of it.

"We can discuss this further in my office. Return your Tatsugiri to its pokeball and follow me, if you will."

"....yes, sir." Defeated, you gathered your things and put Tatsugiri back into the pokeball (much to its dismay), before commencing the long walk of shame to the director's office.

Maybe he will believe you.

.......

"He didn't believe me either. What's the point of "standing up for myself" if I'm just gonna get in trouble?! What's the point if they're always gonna get away with it while I face suspension?!"

"Suu.."

"I know I kinda let myself go back there, but...th-they kept pushing me and pushing me! Why couldn't he understand that? Why doesn't anyone here understand-?!"

"Tasu!"

Calming yourself down a little, you looked to Tatsugiri, who sat on your bed and looked up at you with sad eyes, wishing you weren't being so harsh on yourself.

"....well, I know you understand me, buddy." You quietly sighed and sat down, bringing it into your hands as it nuzzled your cheek. Immediately your shoulders relaxed. "I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm just...it's been frustrating. But I swear I'll never replace you for any other dragon. Not even for a shiny Charizard."

"Yip-yip?!" It cried out.

"Believe me! I won't." You chuckled, although you stopped as you thought over this morning's events...

And suddenly you felt sick to your stomach.

Just thinking about going to your afternoon class today made you feel ill, wondering who was going to harass you two next...and if you'll be able to do anything about it without getting into trouble with the director.

Now that you've gotten your second strike, you had to be careful not to lash out like that again.

But what else were you supposed to do?

Let them continue to bully you around and make your poor partner feel absolutely worthless? How was that fair to either of you?

At this point, you've ran out of adults in this academy to talk to...besides the nurse, of course, although she seemed more adept at healing Pokémon than counseling students.

Even if she was willing to listen, you doubt anything would change.

Nobody here took your side or could possibly understand what you were going through-

"Roto-to-to~"

Your rotomphone started ringing, displaying an unknown caller ID. Normally you'd ignore it, although Tatsugiri had a better idea and decided to slap the screen with its fin, answering it.

"Tatsu!" You grumbled, pulling it away from your phone before addressing the stranger, feeling embarrassed. "Sorry! My Pokémon-"

"Greetings, am I speaking to [y/n]?"

".....uh...yeah?" Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion, not expecting to hear a distorted voice on the other end of the line. "And who am I speaking to exactly?"

"My name is Cassiopeia. Leader of Team Star."

"Team Star?" You blinked, remembering all of the rumors you've heard about this organization. They were a small group of kids who got bad grades, skipped school often...and sometimes harassed others into joining them or pulled pranks on teachers.

Why would their leader contact you?

Or better yet...how did they even get ahold of your number?

"Correct. We've been watching you for some time, and we see your pain. It must feel awful...being pushed around and intimidated all because you admire some famous trainers. And when you finally have the courage to defend yourself and your Pokémon...suddenly you're the bad guy? It's so unfair."

"How do you.....l-look, um..Cassiopeia. I got a lot going on right now." You mumbled, hoping to end this conversation quickly. "I'm facing suspension if I cause one more scene, so I don't think I should be talking to delinquents like-"

"That is a lie. Team Star isn't a group of delinquents. We're so much more than that." They interrupted you, sounding a bit annoyed. "The truth is that WE are the victims. We who were shamed and excluded for the crime of being ourselves. The system has failed us, [y/n], and we formed this group as a way to stand up and stand out."

"...ah, I see." Now you were growing a bit more understanding and sympathetic towards them. You always had a feeling that your classmates overexaggerated how "evil" this team really was, making comparisons to Team Rocket and organizations that were legitimately evil and criminal.

But obviously, you never put your two cents in. You were already getting bullied enough just for saying Lance and Raihan are cool dragon trainers you wished to meet.

You were already getting bullied enough just for admiring some famous dragon trainers.

"So...obviously you're trying to sell me something." You huffed, kicking your feet up on the desk. "You want me to join your team as one of your goons-?"

"Oh no. I actually have something much better in mind." Cassiopeia cut in once more. "We've seen how you battle with dragon types. Very impressive, I must say. You never back down from a challenge. You're fierce, protective..and you demonstrate incredible leadership."

That felt flattering to hear, considering all the times you've gotten criticized for your battling techniques during Ms. Dendra's class.

Recently, she actually made you apologize to your classmate, whose Pokémon was actively bullying yours and provoked it into using a powerful move that knocked it out in one hit.

Why was that such a problem?

Because you weren't supposed to be battling, but the bully kept pushing you into one--and of course, Ms. Dendra didn't see that part.

Only the part where you broke the "No-OHKO" rule she had written into her lesson plan for that day.

Now you were struggling to get your grades back up in battle strategies, which was hard since you gained a reputation as being "too aggressive"..when in reality you were just so afraid and fed up that no one would listen to you.

So hearing this complete stranger give you praise felt genuinely good.

"Oh! Ah...thank you." You decided to bite the bullet. "So what's your offer?"

"We believe you're a good fit to be a squad leader. We have one more slot available. Interested?"

Your heart immediately jumped at the opportunity, although part of you was still holding back.....wondering if it was worth getting mixed-up with people like Cassiopeia and Team Star's revered leaders.

This could very well throw away your entire future and your goals of becoming the next dragon type gym leader. You could be expelled for sure, or even blacklisted from partaking in tournaments.

But at the same time, you were so tired of living in fear and dealing with all of this alone.

Why should you have to? That's setting a terrible example for your Pokémon--they shouldn't have to see their trainer living like that. You had to be brave and stronger, but that was almost impossible if you were just going to suffer repercussions for trying.

Cassiopeia took your silence as hesitation. "I know this is a lot to think about. But trust me, [y/n]. Team Star can do more for you than the Academy ever did. You'll get to train without limits. Your name will be known by all, and nobody will mock you or Tatsugiri ever again. That is what you want, isn't it? To grow stronger together? To stand up against those who wronged you?"

Hearing them mention your partner made you look to the Mimicry Pokemon in your lap. Seeing the way they put their fin on your hand and gave you a small nod ultimately solidified your answer.

You weren't turning back now.

"We can discuss this tomorrow if you'd like-"

"No, I made up my mind. I'll take it. When do I start?"

..........

"Looking sharp as always, Revavroom."

With a sharp-toothed grin, you gently patted the head of your Starmobile--specifically the Revavroom attached to it, as it rumbled in happiness.

Then you hopped onto the vehicle, climbing up to the stage where you could survey the rest of your camp, observing your goons hanging out by the vending machines and driving around on their Cyclizars.

This was the Achird Squad base stationed at Casseroya Lake, and for about a year or so...you've also called it home.

The location was perfect for a mighty dragon leader such as yourself, allowing you to keep watch over the Tatsugiri and Dratini herds you'd see in the waters from time to time.

It was far better than the cramped dorms of the Academy. They would never have let your dragons roam free like Dragapult, Baxcalibur, and all the rest were doing right now..

Ever since joining Team Star, you never looked back and never regretted your decision. You became fast friends with the other bosses, with Atticus even designing some cool armor plates for your outfit that resembled a Kommo-o's scales.

Although things have been...rather weird as of late.

Especially since it was the anniversary of the incident.

Back at the Academy, you and all of the leaders came together with the ultimate to confront your bullies once and for all. It was meant to finally settle who was the strongest, and how you were sick of being pushed around.

Least to say..the tables have turned, and everyone knew your names.

The bullies ended up running scared, barely putting up a fight themselves before scrambling to heal and recall their Pokémon.

You felt pretty good about it, especially when you knocked out that jerk who made fun of your teeth and admiration for dragon trainers in one fell swoop.

But then you looked around and saw everyone's scared faces. Many were recording the battles, spreading them all over social media, or shielding their own Pokémon from potential harm--even though you never intended to hurt them whatsoever.

It turned into a huge scandal over who was in the right or wrong, although in the end your bullies played the victims, dropped out of school, and ended up being listened to the most.

They made you out to be monsters who just attacked them for no reason..and it almost got you all expelled.

However, Cassiopeia took the blame, and while you were pardoned, Harrington, the deputy director (who tried erasing all records of the scandal and bullying to "preserve" the Academy's image), and many teachers left, guilty that they didn't do more to prevent this.

It would have been a bittersweet victory for Team Star---had your leader not also vanished, their last message being a call for the organization to disband.

To this day, none of you understood why they'd do that...or why they think you'd ever wanna leave this team and go back to your studies.

How could you after the faculty messed up this badly?

How could you after they still sided with the bullies?

How could you after they tried to cover up what really happened?

In the end, you all promised to stick together, abiding by your codes and living out on the squad bases. You occasionally met up for discussions and battle plans, although you always held onto hope that if the team kept going long enough....Cassiopeia might come back.

You've tried contacting them through various means, yet none of your Rotoms could retrace their calls nor social media posts. Everything was gone.

As though they wanted you all to forget ever meeting them..

It never made sense to you, considering you could really use a leader back then.

But what's done is done, and you winded up assuming a de factor leader position, given your team was the strongest out of all of theirs. Of course, Ortega was less-than-pleased about holding a vote on it, but you won the majority and he eventually got over it.

Now you've been training your Pokémon more frequently, and only because there's something called "Operation: Starfall" going around--and apparently some Paldean trainer was going around tackling each base with the hope of claiming their badges.

One of the codes was that being defeated in battle meant surrendering it, and that means...

Someone was dead set on shutting down Team Star for good.

But you wouldn't let them. The other bosses were your friends, family..and you'll be damned if you lost them, too.

"Boss! The others are comin' in!" You heard one of the grunts shout, and you looked towards the horizon in surprise.

She wasn't kidding.

Ortega, Mela, Eri, Giacomo, and Atticus were at your base's entrance, waiting for you. Although you were eager to see them after being occupied with training for so long...it didn't concern you that all of them chose to show up at once.

But you refused to show any sort of alarm, huffing as you jumped off the stage, mounting your partner Cyclizar. "Let's ride!" You barked, allowing it to sprint towards the group at full speed.

Your cape fluttered in the wind as it leaped across a small stream, all while Tatsugiri--who was resting in a small basket attached to it--held on for dear life.

Upon arriving, the bosses stopped their chatter and turned as you slowed down, stepping off Cyclizar. You gave it a small pat on the head, assuring that it could rest, before looking at the group.

"So we meet again...what's with the sour faces?" Your eyebrows furrowed at their expressions. When nobody was immediately speaking up, you huffed. "Come on, out with it. You can't come all this way to my base just assume I can read your minds-"

"We come before thee bearing..a warning." Atticus muttered, bowing his head in shame. "The student you've spoken of hath proven to be quite the adversary."

"Is that so? Surely they haven't claimed all of your badges, have they?"

"........"

"Why is no one talking-?"

"Because we got our asses handed to us." Mela bluntly stated, clenching her fists. "We got absolutely smoked...and now you're the only one left."

Your eyes widened in shock and horror, although you didn't get the chance to respond as Ortega cut you off.

"Now before you freak out on us all..we did try our best. We did everything you and Cassiopeia taught us. But this kid....they're good. Almost too good. And this guy named Clive was helping them out the whole time, getting under our skin and everything...."

"Well I wouldn't say that." Eri looked at the fairy trainer, crossing her arms over her chest as she frowned. "He wanted to know where we're coming from and why we're doing all of this."

"...and you just told him?"

You could see everyone tense up, and you just scowled, wondering why they would do this.

"What makes you all think he would care...or why anybody from that academy would care about us now?" Your eyebrows furrowed as Tatsugiri sat on your shoulder, mimicking your expression. "Nobody cared when they hurt us...nobody cared when we were literally begging for help. Look, I know keeping this group together was hard, but it's no excuse to-"

"Honestly...I'm kinda tired of this charade. At least someone's willin' to listen to us now.." Giacomo remarked, frowning a little bit. "But here's the lowdown, [y/n]: we got beaten into the dirt and followed our code, so now we're here to give ya a little heads up before this kid comes after you next. We're sorry. But we tried."

"And we still don't know who's really behind this sting operation.." Mela grumbled, shaking her head in worry. "Someone wants to shut us down for good, and it's definitely not either of those new students. They're just being used to carry out the dirty work."

"I might have a good idea on who it is...and I swear, they'll answer for this." You bared your teeth. "But I'll save my dragon rage for this trainer. Wherever they are, whatever they're doing...I hope they know I'm ready. Because I'm gonna defend Team Star...defend us....until my last breath."

"Su! Su!!" Tatsugiri trilled in agreement, nuzzling your cheek, to which you couldn't help but smile a little bit.

"Well whatever happens next, you have our full support, [y/n]." Eri smiled as she patted your shoulder. "Badge or no badge, we stand behind you."

Everyone else chimed in with agreements, smiles on all of their faces as well--although Atticus' wasn't immediately noticeable, you could see it in his eyes.

Knowing this group still cared about you and believed in your battling skills made all the tension leave your shoulders.

"Thank you, my friends. Hasta la vistar ~☆"

""""Hasta la vistar, and good luck, [y/n]!! ~☆""""

[miintsprigz]

Casanova, Crushed

Half-baked Dadspy hurt/comfort drabble, go

Ok fine, bigger explanation: Scout asks out Pauling, she says no, whether it’s because she doesn’t like him like that, because she’s a lesbian, I don’t know exactly what’s canon.

Either way, Dadspy tries to help.

Had this idea for my scout OC and her spymom, but decided to try it with the canon characters

—

It was quiet on the base. Much too quiet for a team with a Scout.

The other mercenaries sat around the table, smoking, playing blackjack, slinging a couple drinks.

Spy sat back, a silent observer even amongst the members of his own team. Seemed that even in the casual moments, he was still a spy first.

But even now, he noticed only seven other men in the room. The eighth, the noisiest one, was suspiciously absent.

His son, as much as he’d never admit it, was nearly as good of a hider as he was.

How could he admit it though, he thought. The kid hated him, and why shouldn’t he. He was a mercenary before he was a man. There wasn’t much there to like, let alone love.

Jeremy had been especially loud earlier—something he himself couldn’t recognize as nervousness. But Spy did. He was shocked at how well he knew his own, despite his careful dodging of the actual responsibility of raising him.

“Arright, arright, shuddup! Cuz I’m actually gonna do it today.”

“Ye always say that, lad.”

“Well I mean it dis time! I’m gonna tell ‘er.”

He had a feeling that he knew what that meant…and if he was right, Scout’s absence meant things had either gone miraculously well, or…

“I’ll be back.”

“No rush, Frenchie! Haha!”

The boy’s room was suspiciously vacant.

Now. If I was an idiot, where would I hide…

Climbing up the side of the fort, sure enough, he got his answer. The limber figure sat hunched on the edge of the roof, his feet dangling over the edge.

Oh…

In a split decision, Spy decided to render his footsteps audible, despite knowing a tumble off the roof could be easily explained away as stupidity. If he was right, and it looked like he was, then the last thing the poor fool needed was a few broken bones in addition to a broken heart.

His hearing sharp, Jeremy turned to look over his shoulder, but not before quickly rubbing at his eye.

“‘Ey. What’sa matta? Got real borin’ wittout me down there, huh?”

Spy rolled his eyes. “Bored to tears.”

He motioned with a tilt of his head to the spot next to Scout, and was surprised when he moved over.

“What are you doing up here, Scout.”

“Could ask you da same.”

“…fair enough. It wasn’t obnoxiously loud enough in the game room, so I went looking for a good source of noise. Found it.”

Jeremy scoffed, shaking his head softly, then fell silent. Unlike him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“…are you alright?”

Scout’s eyes widened. The Spy noticed his jaw lock slightly.

“…yeah, yeah I-I’m fine. I uh…I had a weird day.”

“Mm?”

Spy felt a pit in his stomach as the boy’s voice went soft.

“I uh…asked Pauling out. For a date. An’ I called it dat.”

He arched an eyebrow, biting back a smile. Although he’d never own up to it, he knew the look. He’d seen it in the mirror. Although it sometimes felt like he’d been born the devilishly charming rogue he played, he knew deep down that it was learned. Seeing Scout in such a state defrosted memories of more than a few failed passes.

“Well…what did she say?”

“…”

Scout kept his eyes down. Not a sound out of him, other than a soft exhale as he took a gulp.

“…I’ll change the subject.”

“No.”

His eyes went half-lidded.

“She said no, Spy. Long ‘n’ short of it.”

“…ah…”

“Said it ain’t nuthin’ personal. Don’ really wanna get into it, don’t think she’d like dat. But…yeah. So…dat’s it.”

“That’s it then.”

“Yep.”

The two men sat in silence for a while. The Spy pulled a cigarette from the case in his pocket and lit it, taking a short drag before watching the blue-gray smoke twist upwards in a plume as he exhaled.

Ugh. What do I even say to this? Why do I want to do anything at all? I missed my chance for this…he’ll probably punch me if I try anything even resembling comfort.

And yet…he tried. Lifting his free hand, he gently put it on the Scout’s shoulder. Scout didn’t budge. The normally fidgety, hyperactive young man had been still as stone for this whole conversation, as if it had taken all his energy just to sit up there.

“Well…you can never know unless you actually come out and say it. So I’m glad that you did that.”

A smile tugged at his lips, barely there.

“I see why you like her. Dangerous, but sweet. Not bad. Not bad at all. Let me guess: she was polite, but didn’t pull any punches…”

Jeremy nodded, looking up at the watchtower across from the fort.

“Yes, that’s our Pauling. Well…it’s too bad that it didn’t go the way you wanted it to. Even though she was surely graceful about it.”

Spy couldn’t believe the nonsense that was coming out of his mouth. And the fact that it…wasn’t really nonsense. This was stuff nobody told him when he was the one staring into space with a hole shattered through his heart.

Things he needed to reassure himself of, before he was the world’s greatest. When he was just…whoever that was that stared back in the mirror when the mask was off.

“But it really is much too quiet in there, and Soldier thinks he’s the best at blackjack now, so…I know you’d hate that.”

Scout turned his head ever-so-slightly, and Spy could just barely see his face. A dull pang struck his chest.

Jeremy’s eyes were full of tears.

“I’m…sorry, Jeremy. I know how much you liked her. I’ll be honest, I don’t have much experience with this side…”

Liar.

“…so I don’t know how to hel—”

Spy reeled back slightly as Jeremy’s arms snapped around him, locking him in a rough embrace.

“…Spy, I dunno what ta do…I…I love her, but...”

It was so uncanny to hear the normally bold, cocky voice so shaky. So fragile. As if concerned that the boy would dissolve if he touched him, Spy gingerly closed an arm around Scout, giving the closer of the two shoulders a slight squeeze.

He remembered saying those exact words again and again about a woman they both knew very well…

I love her, but…I can’t be with her.

“…I know, Scout. I know.”

Spy felt his stomach twist as Jeremy lowered his head over his shoulder, arms rattling with silent sobs as he fully latched on. He could feel tears dampening the back of his suit, and yet…as much as this would normally repel him—it certainly felt wrong—he couldn’t bring himself to let go of his boy.

His boy.

While the other men did God only knows what down below them, Spy rethought those words.

Could I have been with her?

If I had…

This would be happening under much different circumstances.

He stayed quiet, letting the fellow mercenary get all of his emotions out, eyes falling closed as he held the boy just a bit tighter.

I’m sorry.

[bi-bard]

Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Joel Miller - Joel Miller Imagine [HBO's The Last of Us]

Title: Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller X Reader

Word Count: 2,441 words

Warning(s): fear of commitment, argument, mention of fight

Author's Note: I'm think there's a pattern of me using "cowboy like me" for stories involving Pedro Pascal characters.

Also, just a quick reminder that I write for a gender-neutral reader, so no matter the plot line, anyone can enjoy this.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

----------------------

Daylight

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

It had all been a bit of a blur.

One moment, I was walking with Joel. We were talking about the jobs we had been assigned. Relaxed and calm and as close to normal as we could get in the current world.

The next moment, my memories get lost in a huge jumble of yelling and fighting and fear. It was all such a mess. A terrifying mess.

My next clear moment was dragging Joel down the road with me. I didn't stop moving until we had gotten inside and the door was locked.

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled as Joel sat at my dining table.

It had been my fault. At least, partially.

It was all a long and very messy story.

Joel knew the whole thing. I think that's why he was so fast to entertain the whole fight.

Not that I ever wanted him involved. In all honesty, my life would have been so much easier without ever thinking about any of my life before the outbreak... as backwards as that sounds.

"Not your fault," he muttered, looking down at his knuckles.

"Except it is," I moved to sit in the chair next to him. "This wouldn't have happened if you never met me or if I just kept my fucking mouth shut. Now, you're hurt and fuck knows what we're gonna have to deal with now. Shit, I should've been smarter about this-"

"Stop it," he cut me off. "You did nothing wrong. Your ex having his head stuck up his ass is nowhere near your fault."

I let out a sigh as my eyes closed. I shook my head before pushing myself up. I grabbed my little first-aid kit and made my way back to the table.

I grabbed his hand.

"Why'd you do that," I asked. "Nothing good can come from shit like that."

"I doubt he would've let me walk away without getting a few blows in."

I did my best to clean the small cuts along his hand.

He didn't speak up again until I was wrapping the bandage around his hand.

"Y'know...," he started and trailed off. I looked back at him. "Never mind. It's nothing."

"Tell me," I pushed.

Maybe some part of me knew what he was going to say. Maybe I was desperate to hear it out loud. I would like to think that this is why I pushed him to say it out loud.

He let out a small sigh as he seemingly weighed the consequences of his actions.

"There's something else," I continued as I placed his bandaged hand on the table. "You just told me. Why did you do it?"

"Because I love you," he admitted.

I had to bite my lip to keep my smile from getting obnoxiously big.

We had been together for a while now. We had gotten through many days in the hell that was the modern world today. But in all that time, those words hadn't found a place in our lives.

I felt like a teenager again for a few moments.

"Did you get stuck like that-"

I reached forward and smacked his arm in response. He grinned at me.

"I love you too," I said after a pause.

He looked down at the table to hide his smile.

I reached over and placed my hand on his.

For just a moment, it felt like real peace was more than just a far-off dream.

The Way I Loved You

Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

It was all such a mess of a situation.

I had never planned on interacting with Joel again after we had separated. I knew that it would've been unrealistic to try to never see him again, but I could always turn the other way and leave.

Now, I was being forced into a situation where the only person I could interact with was Joel.

It was like the universe was attempting to play some stupid practical joke on me and I was failing to see the punchline.

I followed Joel and Ellie back to Joel's place. The only thing we could do at the time was wait for the time to pass.

I dropped my bag on the floor next to the couch before plopping on the seat that pretty much used to be designated as mine. I tried to keep an eye on Ellie without making it seem like I was staring. She went to sit by the window while Joel sat right next to me.

"Kid," I spoke up. She looked at me. "You should get some rest now. You aren't gonna get much of it later."

"Where," she asked.

I pointed behind me. "Mattress in the back."

"She's not sleeping on my bed," Joel interjected.

"I don't wanna sleep on his bed," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "He probably stinks."

I rolled my eyes before grabbing the spare blanket and throwing it to her. "To prevent the spread of germs... and protect against the smell. Now go."

She walked into the back without another word.

I sighed and relaxed into the couch.

"You should take your own advice," Joel muttered after a minute or two. I shook my head. "I'm serious, (Y/n)."

"I am just fine," I looked at him. "Never needed much sleep to function anyway."

He ran his hand over his face. "Always so damn stubborn."

"Can we not start this," I asked. "We've got enough to worry about without biting each other's heads off."

He sighed and looked away.

"You used to appreciate my stubbornness, anyway," I added.

I heard him chuckle. I felt a small grin pulling at the corner of my lips.

"You think we can do this?"

"Don't know," he shrugged. "I doubt we have much of a choice. Just gotta be ready to go."

I nodded. "You're scared, aren't you?"

"Scared? No. Annoyed."

"It's okay if you are," I said. "That's not a bad thing. It's just human."

He looked over at me. "Don't assume that you know how my mind works."

"For fuck's sake," I mumbled. It was my turn to run my hand over my face. "I just asked if we could avoid doing this. I was trying to comfort you. Be helpful. You have no reason to snap at me like that."

"No reason?"

"Yeah, no reason."

"What about you leaving?"

My jaw clenched. "You told me to go."

"You made no attempt to stay."

"I made an attempt every fucking day," I snapped before quickly lowering my voice, glancing back to make sure Ellie wasn't shifting around. "I fucking loved you, Joel. I fought to hold onto you with everything I had. You got scared and threw me out. After everything you promised me, after everything we did."

He didn't reply as I deflated into the couch cushion.

"Don't try to claim that I didn't try to hold on. I still feel like I'm clinging onto any part of you that I can find."

I looked out the window to the sun. I wanted to focus on anything else.

I missed him. God knows that I had missed Joel. Every day. Waking up without him was awful. Having to turn around and walk away because it was all I could do to keep myself from crumbling was hell. I just wanted what we had back.

"(Y/n)," he muttered.

I closed my eyes for a moment, not turning my head.

I felt the couch shift as he moved.

His hand touched my leg. "Please, look at me."

I turned my head back to him.

There was a pause.

One where we were sitting in silence, watching each other's reactions.

Joel seemed to hesitate for a moment before he leaned forward.

I froze for a moment as he kissed me. It was such a soft moment, yet it completely overwhelmed me. I had missed him so much that it hurt. That wasn't new. I had known about that pain for a long time now.

But what I didn't know was the way that the pain could be numbed. It was like a warmth spread through my chest, pushing away any pain, even if it was just for a little while.

I slowly kissed him back, feeling muscle memory take over as my hands reached out to touch his sides. Too long. It had been far too long since I experienced something as monumental as this moment.

I leaned back slowly, only moving far enough away to speak, "I love you."

He paused for a moment. I watched his eyes scan every part of my face. I couldn't tell if he was trying to see if I was lying or if he was trying to confirm that I wasn't some illusion his mind had created.

"I love you too," he muttered after a bit. I smiled at him.

His forehead rested against mine. We just sat there for a little while.

Through all of the chaos and the bullshit, I knew that I would always want him.

I just needed to keep a hold of him.

cowboy like me

And the skeletons in both our closets Plotted hard to fuck this up And the old men that I've swindled Really did believe I was the one And the ladies lunching have their stories about When you passed through town But that was all before I locked it down

Neither one of us planned to have that conversation that night.

It was late. Really late.

It was one of the first times that I had stayed with him for the night.

It was nice. Being around him usually was. But no matter how nice it was, I could not get myself to fall asleep.

It wasn't a new thing for me to not feel comfortable falling asleep. I didn't expect lying next to Joel to change that.

I let out a sigh as I rolled over.

My head ended up on Joel's chest as I let one of my arms fall over his torso. I didn't even realize that I had brushed a scar until he flinched. I pulled my hand away, moving my head so I could look at him.

"You okay," I asked.

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Did I hit a fresh wound or something?"

"No," he shook his head. "You just have cold hands."

"Never bothered you before."

He chuckled.

I sat up and looked at him. "Are you sure that you're okay?"

He sighed. "(Y/n)..."

"I'm just worried about you."

He didn't respond.

He made no effort to stop me as I reached forward and moved the blanket off of him. I furrowed my eyebrows at him as I tried to figure out what I had bothered.

It took me a second, but I eventually moved my hand to lightly touch a scar on his side. He tensed.

"Sorry," I muttered. I pulled my hand away. "What... What's it from?"

I felt like I was watching the scales tip in his mind. Pros and cons changing the balance.

"I'll... I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours," I offered.

He reached out and touched my leg. I placed my hand on his.

"Deal?"

He nodded. "Deal."

I grinned and shifted to get comfortable.

That's when I first found out about Sarah. He told me everything about the day of the outbreak. The panic and the crash and the soldier. I held his hand through all of it. I felt a need to commit every sentence he spoke to memory. I needed to know this all because that was the only way I would be able to properly help him.

"Your turn," he muttered after a moment of silence.

I blinked at him a few times before slowly nodding. "Right."

I took a deep breath. I felt him tapping his fingers against my hand.

"You... are not gonna like this sentence," I started. His eyebrows furrowed. "Technically... I am... married."

"What-"

"Let me get through the story first," I stopped him. "It was a while ago now. I... I was convinced that we were in love. The day that the outbreak happened, we had been inside all day. Our neighbor had broken in... he was infected. I just remember the angry look on his face. It made me sick.

"My husband and I took off. We drove for a while. I can barely remember where we were even trying to get to. I just remember ditching the car in the traffic and taking off on foot.

"We... We got cornered by one of the infected. There was this hole in the ceiling of this building. He climbed up first and I couldn't get up there and instead of helping me up... he thanked me for saving him and took off."

There was a pause between us.

"He sounds like an ass," Joel commented. I chuckled. "How did you get out?"

"I found this old bat. A solid one. I had never fought anything, really. I yelled when I hit the thing over the head. Screamed. I kept thinking about how that person had a family and friends and how many of them could be dead. After that, I hid away until I could safely get to a QZ."

Joel nodded. "Did you ever find out what happened to your husband?"

I shook my head. "And I don't want to. I hate to wish death on someone, but... he kinda did that to me... to my face, so... I hope he got his ass kicked."

"So, you're only married..."

"Because the government's been a little too busy to figure out divorce court right now," I shrugged. "And I have no desire to track the bastard down again."

"Good," he mumbled.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"If you stuck with that guy, then we would've never happened," he explained.

"I see."

Joel pushed himself to sit up.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you any of this before," I said.

"Can't say that I'm too upset," he replied.

He slowly leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. I slowly kissed him back, grinning against his lips.

Maybe, just maybe, there was something that I could let myself hold onto in this shitty world.

---------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[boombrothersasks]

Shadow! Eclipse needs you! You need to get back to normal and help your baby brother! Tikal, help him

"Oh! Did something go wrong?!" Tikal asked worriedly, and Shadow looked just as worried.

"Wa?" The hoglet then pointed back towards where everyone else was, signaling that was where he wanted to go. "That way!"

"Good idea!"

She quickly ran past, still holding baby Shadow, and rushed into the home where Eclipse and Tails were. She gained a few stares as this happened.

"What was that all about?" Rouge asked.

"I dunno...maybe he just wanted to see Clip?" Sonic replied.

"Or maybe they found the monster."

Sticks was now the center of attention.

"...What. Monster...?"

"You don't know...the legend of the gooslesnoop?"

"What is she talking about." The bat could only wonder.

"Don't worry, this is normal." Sonic answered simply. Rouge was left in silence.

"STOP SAYING SCARY STUFF!" Knuckles shouted. "It's not even spooky season!"

"I'LL CATCH IT ONE DAY!!"

"...Right. Anyway, how are you boy's doing with the...thing."

Rouge was left silent again.

"IT IS NOW ON FIRE."

"Yeah, I can see that, Omega...that's not good! WHAT IF THAT WAS THE REGULAR SIZE-INATOR THINGY?!"

"...It served its purpose, and now it's a cozy campfire."

"SONIC."

Screaming was heard from inside Sonic's shack.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Tails screamed, seeing a strange orange person holding baby Shadow, who looked somewhat afraid.

"HEY! YOU'D BETTER LET GO OF MY BROTHER!" Eclipse lifted his head to shout. "I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO DO MUCH RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU CAN BET I'LL FIND A WAY TO IF THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO DO!"

"No no no! You misunderstand, I promise I don't mean any harm!" The girl said. "My name is Tikal! I was a ghost, but then I ate a cookie, and now I'm alive again, so I was playing with the little one here, but then we heard that his brother was in trouble and came back as fast as we could to make sure you were alright! And then-"

"A GHOST COME BACK TO LIFE?!" Tails interrupted. "FASCINATING!! I'D LOVE TO KNOW MORE!"

The echidna beamed. "Of course! Lemme tell you EVERYTHING!"

She set the hoglet down beside his Darkling brother, and Shadow looked at him with much sadness in his expression.

"Hey, Shadow. Sorry I haven't been paying a lot of attention to you...didn't mean it. Nothing's been going right! I wanted to be the best big brother to you, and I really thought I could be!"

Baby Shadow continued to frown, but curled up next to his brother in an attempt to make him feel better.

"This is gonna pain me to admit...but I'm already in pain, so who cares," he hesitated before grumbling. "Yeah, you were strict as the older brother, real strict, and you were annoying, and angry all the time, and obnoxious, and...I shouldn't be saying this to a BABY! Where am I even going with it?! I suck at this, don't I? I suck at everything. Just a big ol' suckish LOSER. Father would be just as ashamed...if he saw me now as the failure I am, it'd probably make sense, why he decided I wasn't good enough to keep..."

That?

That hurt the both of them.

For some reason, that was enough to make Shadow...angry.

Enough for him to rage.

Enough for him to...

"Don't you DARE SAY THAT NONSENSE!!"

Eclipse felt himself being swiftly lifted up and off the ground, only to meet face-to-face with someone else.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SAY THAT AND LET IT PASS?! UTTER SUCH WORDS AND BELIEVE THEY WOULDN'T BE HEARD?! NO! I'M DONE! YOU ARE NOT USELESS, YOU DO NOT 'SUCK,' YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! GET THAT IN YOUR THICK SKULL OR ELSE WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE CAVE, I'M MAKING YOU TAKE A NAP!"

Shadow looked up, and found many eyes staring at him, Tails and some orange person next to him from inside this house he was for some reason in, and when he looked around, he saw team Sonic, watching from the door way.

"What are you idiots looking at?"

"I mean, besides the fact you're somehow not a baby anymore, did you...hear what you just said?" Sonic held in a laugh.

"What? What do you mean? What did I say?!"

"Aw, do you care about me, Shadow?"

It was then that Shadow became fully aware that he had grabbed his younger nuisance of a brother, only to drop him seconds after.

"OW! You know what actually sucks? You not being a bitty baby anymore! Now I can't teach you the ways of the Black Arms! You were a lot nicer, too...MY ANKLE IS BROKEN!!"

Shadow's usual look of rage only grew, immediately looking over at Sonic.

"...DUDE!" Sonic exclaimed, offended at the thing Shadow must've been trying to accuse him of.

"Don't you 'dude' me, you blue fake. I know what happened. You and Eclipse must've been out doing something stupid, as usual-"

"HEY!"

"When you dragged him into something that got him injured! Just as usual, getting him into even more danger than he already puts himself in. A bad influence..."

"I mean...we did race, Soni-"

"THAT WAS YOUR IDEA!!"

"NUH-UH!"

"I'm...intrigued." Tails said.

"As am I." Tikal nodded.

[catchyhuh]

Which of them is the biggest lightweight when it comes to the liquor?

but it is not that SIMPLE my little anony-mouse!! it’s not just about tolerance it’s about STUPIDITY and that’s why we’re going DEEP INTO THE ALCOHOLIC TRENCHES. but before diving in you must understand, all of them could down the kind of shit that would put you ‘n me in the hospital for three days

erm tw like actual alcoholism because i was just joking initially but after typing these out like. yeah. not THAT bad but just to be safe. these guys are a little fucked, aren't they?

lupin:

arguably the most lightweight of them all, partially owed to his scrawny ass build. most of that bulk comes from the shoulderpads yknow. not to say he’s a lightweight IN GENERAL just compared to the rest. However,

motherfucker does NOT know when to tap out. he will drink and drink and drink like a FISH and then when he’s barely awake slumped over in the back of the fiat he’s like noooo i can take more jigen has to restrain every bone in his body from turning around, grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt, and plopping him on the side of the road to leave him at the bar overnight. but jigen is much, much stronger than you and i, so he does not

lucky son of a bitch has the EASIEST hangovers too. he’ll drink himself sick the night of, and the next morning, he’s just got a lil headache. he’ll dawdle around with his blanket wrapped around him, but really, if there’s no one to complain to, he’ll make his own damn food, he’ll rehydrate his own damn self. 

will drink almost anything if it tastes good enough-- or actually more like not too bad to him. it would be ridiculously easy to cask of amontillado this bitch. actually it’s amazing to me that zenigata’s never tried th

jigen:

middle of the line tolerance physically, best tolerance mentally. even when he’s tie off, giggling, slumped over the bar level drunk, he knows to back up a bit and get some water. mostly because he knows he’s gonna be the one leading the party back to the hideout, and he doesn’t REALLY want a repeat of the last time they forgot where all their treasure and shit was stashed

so picky about his drinks. SO so picky. even when he’s starting to get a little tipsy he can take one sip and go “there’s not enough vodka in this btw. too sweet.” bartenders fucking hate this. unfortunately, despite his denials, jigen ALSO loves being a menace, and after seeing the bartender click his teeth in annoyance the first time, jigen will start picking apart shit like he’s some kinda wine critic. but if they just go “oops sorry!” and fix it then he tips. a lot. he’ll beat himself up for putting a fifty on the counter in the morning

less of a woohoo lets celebrate drinker and more the casual type. he’s almost never the one who suggests they go out, y’know? in fact, more often than not, jigen is getting wasted at home. he can make his OWN damn drinks if he’s so particular. and besides, when he gets to the point he can’t pour anymore, he knows to stop

like i said, very giggly, downright pleasant drunk. it takes a lot to get him grouchy when he’s past a certain point, but honestly i wouldn’t suggest trying to find that threshold because his aim is still spot on even when he can’t stand up straight. his bloodstream in his hand is completely detached from the rest of him. it’s terrifying. i promise.

fujiko:

better tolerance than lupin lmao, but knows that ACTING more inebriated than you actually ARE gets you more positive attention (also gets people to lower their guard). mostly because you’re not actually falling over yourself and you can just pretend to be the cutesy fun drunk girl that is. not really real, i think. i don’t think anybody really stays that bubbly and adorable after a few pints yknow

in another life fujiko mine, world renowned, genius thief, would be a wine mom. she wouldn’t even have kids, she’d just have like that obnoxious decor and stuff. “i love cooking with wine. sometimes i even put it in the food” type shit. if it was inoffensive enough to the eye and she personally found it funny, even now, she might buy one of those horrid disney parks drinking pun shirts, just because it’s annoying to everyone else. probably uses it as like pajamas or something

fujiko does not even get DRUNK drunk. she just doesn’t really want to go past a point where she isn’t 10000% in control of all of her actions, and even a slight slip of the tongue when she’s trying to get out a sentence is enough for her to put down her drink and just PRETEND to keep sipping over the course of the night. because of this, she’s only really been hungover once, when she was like barely 20, and she is in NO rush to repeat that

wide array of tastes, but still picky about ratios of like, syrup to alcohol, ice to drink type stuff. if it’s good to her, it’s good! probably the only one who’s tried to develop an actual palet for stuff instead of just chugging whatever’s in front of them. of course, not that she hasn’t done that once or twice on occasion too

goemon:

oh you wanna talk picky about drinks. do i even need to say this? do i even need to tell you HOW drunk goemon has to be before he even lets his tongue touch anything besides sake. i have a feeling i don’t. but i will tell you that, yeah, if he’s drunk enough, you can get him to try, and maybe even admit he likes the taste, of another drink. but even then, he’s not ordering one for himself

goemon does not get hungover. the great goemon ishikawa the thirteenth?? descendant of one of the greatest, strongest warriors in history? no. he comes out of his room, calmly passes his slightly to very miserable compatriots sprawled over the couch and arm chairs, he grabs his glass of water, retreats to his room, and. immediately hits the futon burying his face in the pillows because his head hurts SO DAMN BAD and if he had to stand up straight for one more second he’d faint. of course, it takes a LOT to get him to this point, but he’s not untouchable. not yet, anyway

knows his own limits, and usually does a pretty good job keeping them in check, but he also folds into peer pressure REALLY easily if he’s already tipsy. he can go “no, no, i’m done. no more” but lupin goes “are you suuuure,” out comes the mike’s hard lemonade, and he caves. i take back the statement about only sake touching his tongue before he’s like blackout drunk. he will indulge in mike’s. 

also a bit giggly when he’s under the influence, but he has enough awareness to try NOT to be. so you’ll hear the tiniest little laugh, and then when you turn to look at him, he’s already got his arms tucked under his shirt, eyes closed, stoic expression. and then when you turn away again he realizes how this is like that barnyard video lupin showed him once and he didn’t find it that funny at the time but now, NOW of all times, the memory of it is HILARIOUS, and he’ll burst out laughing. but y’know what, it’s good for him, so if he doesn’t remember in the morning, don’t tell him

zenigata:

have you ever seen that photo set of the tiny woman and this huge guy going drinking together, and when the bartender places the ice cream parfait in front of the woman and the giant keg of beer in front of the man, the two of them just stare at it for a moment before switching glasses and happily enjoying their shit? that’s fujiko and zenigata. to me. had to get that outta my system. anyway guy’s tolerance is shit,

I MEAN IT’S NOT REALLY, it’s not REALLY bad. it’s actually incredible, the shit he can stomach. but, like lupin, he just. won’t. stop. it’s OKAY nobody’s going to make fun of you for only drinking a THIRD of your bodyweight in one night! it’s not that serious! oh, no, wait, he’s drinking because he got pulled off the case again. ah, see, that’s a whole other problem altogether with you

so. so emotional. i mean we know this we’ve seen it. almost every time he-- i bet i could make another collage if i wanted but i won’t, i won’t make the same visual joke twice. just know almost EVERY time he’s gotten drunk he starts tearing up and sobbing about just whatever. like anything. but it also makes him twice as prone to arguing so it’s just not the BEST. somebody really needs to cut this guy off!

horrific hangovers. again, as we know. i said in the sick hcs that it would take a lot to drag him down, and that’s still true, he pushes through them a lot quicker than most, but that first little hour or two when he’s awake is NIGHTMARISH. he’s nauseous, everything is too bright and loud, he just wants to curl up back under the covers and die. but it’s too hot under there. so he just lies sprawled out under the ceiling fan. but that’s too cold IT’S VERY ROUGH FOR HIM!!

[mae-i-scribble]

So since I’m still not over how good How I Attended and All Guys Mixer is I’m going to talk about one of my favorite aspects of it: how they go about immediately revealing just how Suo is invested in this flirting of hers. The cool, suave, confident person with a more withdrawn, nervous, ‘everyday’ type character is a combination thats been done to death with varying success. One of the things I require to get me invested in such a dynamic is the expansion of the suave one outside of just being “so good at everything they do and so good looking all the time.” And this manga gives it in spades from the get go.

First up: the day after the mixer when Tokiwa (the dejected guy to the far right) needed to share notes with Suo for the class. It’s such a simple thing but she positively *lights* up afterwards. It’s just a very cute moment that shows genuine investment without having to hear her say anything.  

Next up, the little moment of jealousy that occurs right after. I’m missing the panel before this of Suo spotting the girls interrogating Tokiwa from a distance, but once again the intent is perfectly clear. Also!! While Suo is jealous she isn’t like, a jackass about it- though she is dramatic for literally putting herself in between them you aren’t fucking subtle there no matter how smooth you made it seem. But the jealousy here works for me in part not only bc of the casual way in which it is handled but also bc it’s revealing that Suo is possibly just as insecure or as worried, she just expresses it far differently. And this is from chapter 2.

Also featuring Suo’s instant jealousy meter a few chapters later which I just find hilarious.

Putting the rest under a readmore bc i can and will ramble so UwU

The second thing I think the manga does very well is how it handles Suo’s flirting? Suo is incredibly forward but not in a way that feels obnoxious to me? She isn’t pushy for Tokiwa to reciprocate her advances but she isn’t shy about making her feelings known either. (It also does a wonderful job showing why they both are and are not working on Tokiwa but that is another post). But take for example the point where in chapter 2, Suo is asked if she and Tokiwa are friends and this is her response.

Like. Wow okay you’re just gonna come out here and make it as a threat I see how it is. (unfortunately Tokiwa being Tokiwa he’s just surprised she sees him as a friend at all).

Another aspect of Suo’s flirting however is that a lot of it is seemingly tied up in her appearance. When she dresses more masculine she’s far more flirty, as the charming and elegant persona is one she plays for the customers at the bar and so it’s clear that she’s able to be more forward while masc presenting rather than the few times we see her fem presenting and being a lot more subdued. However even when we can see that aspects of her flirting are influenced by her job persona, we are shown explicitly that her interest in him is obvious even to those who know her work persona. Case and point the chapter where Tokiwa is strongarmed into getting omurice at the bar.

If Suo’s being obvious enough that even her coworkers have to comment on it then you know she’s laying it on **thick** even for her standards.

But the real kicker is seeing the cracks in that suave persona of hers. In general Suo is a very collected person, she keeps her cards close and doesn’t like appearing vulnerable to others around her, a lot of her genuine emotions are wrapped up in elaborate presentation (see above with her being flirty in general when masc presenting yet still honest). So what sells me on her interest in Tokiwa are the times where we see it break around him. First panel is right after he falls asleep in her lap and she gives him a light kiss (on the forehead i think??), and this is the first and only time we see her blush this deeply.

Second up is after she’s clearly dejected about not being able to  see the panda exhibit, but rather than focus on herself, she’s worried that Tokiwa picked up on her disappointment and was badly affected by it.

And then Tokiwa turns right around and proves her wrong by busting his ass to get her a gift and find a whole panda costume to do what he could to make her feel better (even after staying behind with her so that they would both miss the panda viewing). And Suo is so touched by it, you can see it in the quiet way the panel is drawn, rather than with the effects and embellishments that her more audacious maneuvers get. Also featuring another little blush from Suo.

And lastly the most explicit piece of them all, since it puts into words what was being implied this whole time.

Suo is *dead* serious here, and that alone is enough in turn to clue us in on how serious she is about Tokiwa. We knew that she had genuine investment in trying to woo him, this just gives us even more of that in her own words, and its absolutely wonderful. Enough to make my little aroace heart swoon and to get me more than invested in them as a couple down the line. Love these bitches.

[rocketbirdie]

MASSIVE dump of thoughts about Rebirth. Obvious major spoiler warning for pretty much every story beat aside from side quests. That goes for the compilation as a whole.

Think of this as a collection of what would otherwise be literally hundreds of separate obnoxious text posts. Half-review, half liveblogging. Genuine praises and criticisms interspersed with unhinged nonsense. This post is so long it's making my computer lag, so make of that what you will.

To keep it organized and make it easier to find specific moments, this is split up chapter by chapter. I cover the Zack/Biggs stuff in a separate section just before the final chapter, and then follow up with some miscellaneous thoughts.

I'm not of hardcore OG FFVII faith. I love the original, and I view it as separate from Remake/Rebirth, so I embrace most of the major changes. This is generally a very positive review, aside from a few nuisances *cough cough WHISPERS cough* and only one genuinely upsetting letdown. Rebirth is more than I could ever have asked for, and I can't wait to spend the next 4+ years obsessively gushing about it. And now, without further ado...!

Chapter 1: Fall of a Hero (The Nibelheim Incident)

NAILED it.

Love seeing Cloud's teenage squishiness scrambled together with the Zack mannerisms. Restless as a little puppy! Body language, facial expressions, etc. I wonder if they animated a lot of it with Zack's model first, and then replaced it with Cloud? Modders are gonna have a field day with this when the PC version drops.

Sephiroth really was just Some Guy, huh? It's very refreshing to see him acting fully human for once. Helps sell the catastrophic mental shitshow that ensues.

Horfin' down those sandwiches Strife style

"You went into my room?" "I did..." LMAOOO THE SHAME IN HIS VOICE. Cody Christian doing god's work voicing this sopping wet pathetic mess of a man

Zangan manhandling Cloud like that was NOT on my Rebirth bingo card.

The bridge collapse scene is beautifully expanded upon. Such a delicious moment if you know the real story. RIP Ramirez. o7

There is NO fucking way Sephiroth just... stood there unfazed by waist high rushing water. Y'all have any idea how dangerous just ankle-deep water is at those speeds? At least the generous use of artistic license in physics is established very early on.

Tifa demonstrating incredible self restraint by choosing not to strangle Zack to death at the mako spring. I would have walloped his cocky ass lol

"Such a puppy." We're establishing the homoerotic tension right away as well, thank god.

oooOOOouhh the way you can pinpoint the precise moment that Sephiroth starts to lose control at the reactor. The way he walks up those stairs.......

Mwahaha-ing over the visual parallels. Raising his hand to the candle flame... Jenova's face flickering over his own... wow. Every shot, every angle is carefully chosen. Cinematography at it's finest.

OG painted a picture of "no survivors," so it surprised me how many people seemed to have escaped from Nibelheim. Although, it's not certain what their ultimate fate was. I imagine they did it this way to show that the incident impacted far more people than just Cloud and Tifa. Makes sense, considering "sheer scale of suffering" is a recurring theme throughout the Re-trilogy so far.

Sephiroth's mass slaughter is bone chilling. The music, the tension, the iconic shot of the flames framing his figure. Goddamn. And then there's the poor trooper, reaching out for his mom.........

"Why didn't they just shoot him?? They had him surrounded!!" 1, Fear doesn't give a damn about rationality. 2, It's SEPHIROTH. They were almost certainly correct in assuming that their dinky little hunting rifles weren't gonna do jack shit.

Catch me giggling over the most mundane shit. LOVE the detail of the sword tip clanking on the metal floor as Tifa drags it. I'm obsessed with lovingly crafted, nearly unnoticeable sound design like that.

"Mother, they have come again." THANK FUCK they kept this line. I don't even know why, it just stuck with me so hard from OG.

Not sure why people are cranky that the flashback cuts off. It ends at the exact same point as in OG. That's the point, it's supposed to be frustrating.

Seeing an unfathomable number of dumbass comments going "huh??? why did cloud tell the story all wrong??? that's not what happened!!" Dear Lord Please Give Me The Strength

AERTI!!!!!!! hell yeah

Tifa being proactive instead of stewing in confusion!! Love that for her. But damn it didn't go down well, huh. "I was so happy to see you again, but maybe I shouldn't have been." BIG OOOOOF

OUCH. Cloud. At least take off the pauldron if you're gonna sleep on that side LOL

Chapter 2: A New Journey Begins (Kalm and The Grasslands)

Very interesting news broadcast ya got goin' on there, Shinra...

Kalm is so so so so pretty. Feels like an actual full sized city now! Wish we could have seen more of it at night, like in the OG.

Broden!! I like him. I want the best for him. I know he's fucked. But really, it's cool to see more SOLDIER characters. We get to see Cloud's uh-oh brain static moments from the outside perspective, and boy howdy, it ain't pretty.

Broden says he's "...on your side. Got a contact at HQ." Meanwhile, my delusional ass: CONTACT? KUNSEL? IS IT KUNSEL? DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED KUNSEL?

Mentioned it in a different post— I suspected they changed the arrangement of Midgar's sectors. Sure enough, it's confirmed by looking at Rebirth's world map. Is this a meta fate-has-been-altered thing, or is it just a curious retcon? Maybe a bit of both?

HOLLOW REMIX HOLLOW REMIX HOLLOW REMIX HOLLOW REMIX HOLLOW REMIX AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh my god, her name is CHLOE????????? "Chole" was a typo this whole fucking time???? I can't handle this

NOT CHOCOBO BILL BLINDSIDING US WITH THE CLOUD GETTING DOUBLE PENETRATED IN A NASTY SWAMP SHACK IMPLICATIONS???? HELLO?????????

My sweet son Chadley has returned from the time void.

Ok serious talk. Wtf is up with the audio mixing. Someone gave the thumbs up for this production?! The default music volume is WAY too loud and overpowers voice lines. Doesn't help that Remake's npc dialogue deluge in crowded areas hasn't been addressed at all. C'mon people, you had years to fix this shit. It's a shame too, because I would love to hear all of the beautiful music and talented voice acting, just... separately, please.

The Soggy Strife Agenda is off to a great start!

I know Midgar Zolom was a blind idiot translation, but I dunno man. Midgardsormr just doesn't do it for me. Zolom sweetie come home :(

FUCKING. FUCK. WHERE'S THE LINE. FUCK!!! Apparently Sephiroth Did Not Do This. Goddammit. Fucking blasphemy. Genuinely gutted that they didn't include that line. Imagine if they had pulled that shit with Me Gongaga. Unacceptable.

Chapter 3: Deeper into Darkness (Mythril Mines)

"Enough for her Standard Course twice, right?" keep it up Aerith you're doing amazing :)

Ah, the opening area of the mines has been converted into a museum. No wonder people are allowed to just waltz right on in.

ELENA!! Oooooh I love her voice!! She's got that young overconfident sass. Fits her perfectly. She's got me sweating bullets seeing her kick a grenade around like a soccer ball though YIKES

Those Boulders Are Not Made Of Solid Rock

Not much else to say about the mines. Love when the original version of the music kicked in. Barret and Red's dynamic is so good!

Chapter 4: Dawn of a New Era (Junon)

We just, uh, waiting for the bus there, folks? OH SHIT sorry about the bird of prey thing man, that sucks. Hope you feel better soon

Contrary to maybe popular opinion, but I actually love it when you know exactly what a character is going to say or do next. It means the writers have done a great job at getting that character across. Predictable does not always equal bad; tropes exist for a reason after all.

Under Junon. mwah <3

Priscilla!! Omg she's so cute and annoying. Just how I remember.

Soggy Strife Episode 2. This time featuring an off-putting amount of romantic tension between Cloud And That Dolphin

Lowkey disappointed that they cut the uncomfortably long CPR minigame. Gamers nowadays have no idea how good they have it. Back in my day, we had to give mouth-to-mouth for 5 minutes straight in deafening silence.

YUFFIE!!!!!! Oh my god the leakers weren't exaggerating about the naruto run

Yeah ok just. gonna do some good night crunches. Very. Uh. Normal of you, Cloud Strife. God I love this weirdo

ROCHEEEEE My Boyfriend Has Returned

Aerith and Priscilla doing the arm bump thing............ yeah...........

Yeah you work those tanker controls gay boy. I was really expecting a jumpscare as the tanker lifted up. Would have actually shrieked if Sephiroth was just like "sup lol"

WOW the sister ray!!! Honestly the first moment that made me go "DAMN this is Final Fantasy alright!" What a view.

Glad they kept Junon's silly amount of elevators.

Oh hi Glenn

So Aerith wants to know if there are any good restaurants in Junon. Well, maybe if this guy hadn't been busy barfing in an alleyway....

Gee Tifa and Aerith, it's a good thing you guys practiced your highly choreographed military drill, just in case you ever had to pretend to be a trooper during an inaugural parade. Gotta be prepared for even the most unlikely scenarios! (As a writer, I know how it is with suspension of disbelief. But it's still kinda doofy lol)

That being said, I'd let the commander have her way with me

THE MUSIC

Tee hee omg it's so cute to see Cloud in his element! Look at that boy go. He's so into it. I like hearing all of the Seventh Infantry's interactions, too. Really hammers it in that they're all just normal people with their own worries and hopes.

Oopsie daisy. I am not immune to Shinra Propaganda. Huh. Well done, writers.

THE GLABRESCENT!! EXCLUSIVE CLUB FOR BALD PEOPLE

Awww look at all the 1/35 soldiers! Man. This whole chapter is just one huge love letter to the OG. So much nostalgia, plus so much new exciting stuff. God I could go on and on

This Just In, Entire Junon Nursing Home Full Of Elderly People Dies Of A Heart Attack After Rufus Shinra Decides To Fire The Fucking Cannon

Roche please sign my forehead

Uh oh. Yuffie

Yeah Ok don't mind me, just a SOLDIER 1st Class, protecting these little infantrymen with my life. No parallels to be found here, folks

GENUINELY HONEST TO GOD I AM SO SORRY FOR SLICING YOUR BABY ANGEL IN HALF LIKE THAT ROCHE PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Cloud say you're sorry Right Fucking Now.

Oh good no hard feelings. Well. Actually. Uh

Chapter 5: Blood in the Water (Shinra-8/Ship to Costa)

Oh to be a girl hiding away in a cargo hold with another girl.......

Little bit of Traces of Two Pasts! So Aerith told Tifa about Faz, the weird guy that was a little bit too nice to Ifalna. Apparently Aerith is still shaken up by that. Don't blame her.

Ok. I've been avoiding the topic of Queen's Blood, because frankly, my opinion on it is completely unfounded and irrational. I fucking hate card games in video games that are not supposed to be solely about card games. I can't help it. I'm here for the pretty people rpg and the gut-wrenching t4t heartbreak, not for the Magic the Gathering subplot. Any time this game so much as breathes the name Queen's Blood in my direction, I feel something visceral welling up inside of me. So as you can imagine, The Chapter Where You Play Queen's Blood is not my personal favorite.

But I get it! It's not like there was much to do here in the OG. I like that they went out of their way to flesh the ship out and give it more to remember. And for people who like Queen's Blood, I'm happy for them!!

Silly boy humming the victory fanfare I love himmmm

*wiggles*

Gotta get me one of them bigass cardboard cutout palm trees to put on display inside of my grungy metal hallway. Wow what a vibe

DAMN RIGHT YOU SHOULD DEMAND THE MANAGER, RED

THE MOONWALK SJHSYAFDFKKFFJF oh mny fuckijngh god the terrified kid crying his eyes out LMAOOOOO

Dang It! I wanted to see what Cloud looks like swaddled up in that hammock. Why do you deny me that which I desire. Screw your fade to black.

Good to know Hojo is just as disgusting and disturbing as he should be! Yayyyyy :(

"Holy shit..." YUFFIE SAME????? TITOV BOUTTA BLOW SOME TITS OFF????

YEEEHAAWWWW time for another absolute fucking banger of a Jenova remix!!!! I cannot praise the soundtrack enough.

Chapter 6: Fool's Paradise (Costa del Sol)

Obligatory beach episode

Johnny!!!!! My favorite dramatic idiot with a heart of gold! It's ok babygirl I love your seasmell hotel. I'll stay there anytime.

Cloud acting like that lei is strangling him. Sameeee dude same but no really. This place sucks. Too many people trying to force this poor guy to have fun against his will.

If I have to hear "hang loose" one more time, there will be bloodshed.

I do not trust that man to ride safely and sanely on that wheelie. He can't even walk on his own two feet without endangering every physics object in the vicinity.

Empty materia moment actually made me gasp out loud

AERTI DATE AERTI DATE AERTI DATE AERTI DATE

OUTFIT REVIEW TIME

Cloud's Tits Out: An unusual sight. I feel like he should be smooth under there like Link BOTW. He looks a little too robust for someone who's got Big Oil And Brain Worms In There and hasn't slept in weeks. I appreciate the commitment to making him pale as paper and flat as a board. No top surgery scars lose points big time. I'm neutral about the toes. 4/10

Cloud's Business Casual: Immaculate. Tastefully hideous. That blue is NOT your color, girl. Chocobo imagery is always a plus. Absolutely mystified by the untied capris + 3/4 sleeve scoop neck combo. Pretty sure he's not wearing any socks with those tennis shoes. Sneakers in the sand is a helluva sensory experience for an autistic guy like him, I deeply respect it. 9/10.

Tifa's Frilly Miniskirt: Cute and confident. Split between it being utterly out of character for her, or 1000% perfect for her. The white and purple is a great color combo. Slightly concerned about the structural integrity of the neck strap. Uncooperative hairstyle is understandable but kills the vibe a bit. Jealous of the sandals. 8/10

Tifa's Tie Front: DAMN. Stripes with the collar, black jean shorts, hell yeah. The giant belt buckle is just asking for a nasty burn mark, though. Whatever. She's rockin' it. I dunno man, I'm at a loss for words, you just gotta see it to believe it. 10/10.

Aerith's Keepin' It Simple: Tried and true. Pink always works in her favor. Love the little matching flowers in her hair. The wrap around wallet chain is a welcome sprinkle of weirdness. Otherwise masterfully boring; it suits her city-slickin' down-to-earth attitude. 9/10

Aerith's Floral Cover Up: Classy. Got that Final Fantasy princess look with the ruffled sleeves and the push-up cut. The long skirt is nothing short of perfection. Lovestruck by the splash of lime green with the leaf pattern. Can't imagine how annoying those shin-high sandal straps might be though, that's gonna leave a mark. 9/10

Barret's Bear Wearing A Marshmallow: Pillsbury Dough Man at his finest. Faithful to the original, exquisite in 4K HD. Hoist hook arm adds that extra sailor flair, sealing the look. He's having fun with it, and that's what matters most. 10/10!

Ok back to reality

uh oh.

Yup, somehow they managed to make Hojo even more nauseating than ever before. Good. The more we hate him, the worse it'll sting when he keeps dodging his comeuppance. Hohohohoho.... That's Good Writing, Babie! Twist that knife. Keep us ravenously thirsty for revenge!!

Seen a lot of complaints about the women that accompany Hojo to the beach and shower him with compliments and oohs and aahs. Not sure why. Pretty sure it's heavily implied that they're being paid SHIT LOADS of gil to act that way. It's stated outright that they're working for Mayor Kapono, and it's well established by that point that the mayor is wrapped tight around Shinra's pinky finger.

The moment that beach fight started, I knew right away... GRAB THAT UMBRELLA, DO YOUR LEGACY PROUD

Aerith showing her vengeful side, just a tiny bit. So much pent up hatred and grief. Love how it mirrors Cloud's character. She's so forgiving, she doesn't know how to turn anger into action. He's so caught up in his anger, that he forgets what forgiveness could do for him. Man. :'(

Yuffie joins the team!!! Cloud's just like. >:/ lol

Chapter 7: Those Left Behind (Corel)

Fun time is over folks

Huh. Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but that's not even close to being a Weapon. Major retcon, or legendary fakeout?

Sighh... Aerith looking up at the sky like that... The longing sure is long isn't it

WELL! Ain't that the dolly zoom of a lifetime! It's absolutely wild to watch Cloud's mental state worsen gradually in real time. Seeing him almost walk off a cliff was freaky. Good stuff

I WILL LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR CLOUD JUNIOR

Poor Barret...... damn dude. The people of Corel were nasty to him in the OG, but they cranked that up to eleven in Rebirth. Wow.

"She your new wife? Well good for you..." istg i'll reach through that screen and choke you out with my bare hands bitchass

"NO." Well that settles that! Gee I wonder why Cloud's not interested in helping out the doctor with his test...... hmm......

Yuffie honey... read the room.........

Chapter 8: All That Glitters (Gold Saucer First Visit)

And now for a jarring tonal shift! Yeahh... this game suffers from awkward pacing. A lot. Though I do suppose that's the point— hellish suffering juxtaposed with distasteful extravagance, just how Shinra prefers it.

Dio should snap him in half like a twig. I think it would be good enrichment for Cloud.

Ok. I'm pretty sure this is like. the fourth time Cloud's pupils have gotten all blown out upon seeing Sephiroth. There may be a clinical explanation for this, but there sure as hell ain't a straight one. The submissive little gasps are NOT helping.

I'm fucking pissed on behalf of anyone who has to stay the night at this dumbass hotel. Oh my god. How could anyone fall asleep in this obnoxious hellscape.

At least the receptionist looks good tied up and struggling ;)

Cait Sith meowing his own theme song is doing something unfathomable to the part of me that almost became a furry back in middle school. Oh god no he's so adorable. I'm screwed

I'm going to dismantle that tonberry robot bolt by bolt.

Aerith and Cloud commentating the races omg kicking my feet like a little schoolgirl i love them so muchhhh

The bike minigame is just not the same without Roche's "encouragement"

Jessie 😭

Ok I'm glad that it's made clear from the get-go that Barret isn't responsible for the shooting, and he also doesn't try to take the fall for Dyne. That left a bad taste in my mouth in the OG, so this is a welcome change.

Cait Sith is a little bit too enthused about the muggin' maimin' and murderin' lmao

OH MY GOD CLOUD. Baseball bat to the back of the head was genuinely shocking. As if he didn't have enough brain damage to begin with D:

Oh yuck. Gus is insufferable and nasty. I've known this guy for all of five seconds, and I already hate his guts. Fantastic characterization right outta the gate. The music is hilarious.

Billy???? How the hell did you end up here????? Kid you GOTTA get tf out of this place

LMAOOO Elena is my favorite turk confirmed. "NO VANILLA."

Oh man. Dyne time. This entire part is so damn good. Barret wants so badly for Dyne to be the beloved friend he used to be, but he's just way too far gone. So much resentment and grief.

Second half of the Dyne battle is a little bit weird, but I can tentatively accept it.

Was definitely wondering how they would handle Dyne's suicide given the teen rating. They circumvented the issue by having Shinra troopers gun him down in a crazed last stand. Different from the OG, but still believable and well written, considering their limitations.

Now that I think about it, this game is REALLY pushin' it with the teen rating. I'm willing to bet the rating boards were like, "yeah uh we can make an exception. it's FFVII we're talkin' about." Still... wonder why they couldn't go as far with Remake.

"You carry that guilt... That weight..." Wow. That line.

Annnnd jarring tonal shift! Robot frog fight versus the comedy relief villain. To be fair, I can't think of any other decent place to put this boss, either. On the bright side, Anuran Suppressor is awesome. Favorite fight in the game so far!

I need this soundtrack in my possession right fucking now.

Oh hi Glenn

Chapter 9: The Planet Stirs (Gongaga)

dune buggy :)

Oh Yuffie... just keep a barf bucket on hand or somethin will ya?

"I just... I feel like I've been here before." Well wouldja look at that... no jenova static...

Going over the hill and seeing the reactor... damn.

CISSNEI!!!! Ouuugh girl you know EXACTLY who tf he is, don't lie.

Noooo give Cait his little mushroom back you meanie :(

Ah. The deranged picnic music.

Gongaga has a much different vibe than it did in the OG. The intense feeling of mourning and hardship is missing. No hazy purple hues or Anxiety playing. Seems like they went in more of a CC direction, with the bright blue sky and uplifting soundtrack. Can't lie, I'm a tiny bit disappointed; I was really hoping for something more heavy and melancholic.

The existence of ordinary chickens in the FFVII universe has some frightening implications for the true nature of chocobos. If you have ever kept backyard chickens, you'll know what I mean.

Ohhhhhhh.... Zack's home............. :((((((

No. No. Don't play Sky Blue Eyes. Don't fucking do this to me. I'm gonna fucking cry. Oh my god no.

"They do say no news is good news, right?" I'm gonna do it.

You know shit's bad when even Cloud "I'm Fine" Strife admits he needs to have a lie down. Yikes.

Man, I really wish we knew more about Tifa and Aerith's chats. Dramatic irony's a bitch.

They sure went all out with the mushroom thing, huh. I know they were trying to differentiate Gongaga in terms of gameplay and worldbuilding, but I feel like they went a little overboard. Gongaga was its own unique thing in OG, not sure why they felt the need to quote unquote improve upon it. Just kinda weird.

Now the reactor is a different story. They did an incredible job here. The scale of the reactor, the unprecedented destruction—

Oh God Damn It The Whispers Are Back

Seriously trying so hard to justify in my own mind why the whispers are here. I don't despise them as a concept, but their implementation is awkward and overdone. In the Gongaga reactor, they fulfill the same narrative purpose as the black robes would: to facilitate the Reunion by mentally dragging Cloud along. Sigh... I get it's because they want to familiarize the player with the whispers in anticipation of future scenes, but it still pisses me off.

That being said, the whispers' theme goes HARD and I'm elated to hear it again. It also fits super well in the Gongaga reactor. So I guess I'm not that pissed.

Touch Me renamed to Amphidex. Can't have shit in Gongaga :/

ooOOOOO!!! The mako fumes getting to Cloud's head! Poor guy's about to pass out. Nice touch.

Sephiroth/Jenova taking advantage of Cloud's mako poisoning... Oh man... the instant change in demeanor is nuts. So fucking good. Here we get to see the first time that Sephiroth has total control over Cloud, and it does not disappoint. Ruthless.

Tifa honey how and why tf are you keeping it together right now. Girl, you do NOT have to fix him. You do not have to show him your boobs a second time. You do not have to take a single thing he says seriously. You can just get up and leave I promise he's doomed by the narrative until further notice 😭😭😭

Telluric Orca Vore Moment was also not on my rebirth bingo card but Okay

Teasing the lifestream. Sure, I can get down with it. Just... y'all got a bit of a whisper problem down here. Want me to call pest control?

"No! Don't take him too!" Damn...

I would not feel safe alone in a room with a man who just tried to kill me, let alone even remotely consider intimacy, but maybe that's just me. It is refreshing to see Tifa and Cloud actually talk things out for a change.

Cloud knows there's something wrong with him and he's so scared... man :'(

What does Aerith say to her???????????? ARRRGHHH

So we're all just perfectly fine with Cloud continuing to be in charge? Nobody's got any objections to that? Alrighty Then

SURPRISE Cid Highwind!! Leaks were right, he's cleaned up. No cigs, less swears, very friendly guy. Not as off-putting as I worried it might be. I'm convinced it's just because he's got a business to run— we'll see good ol' cranky Cid in part 3.

ROCHE NOOOOOOOOOO DON'T!!!!!!!! :(

Chapter 10: Watcher of the Vale (Cosmo Canyon)

Red's real voice reveal! Red's real name reveal!! Though I really would have preferred to see his name change to Nanaki in the menu and subtitles...

Cosmo Canyon is coming off as a hippie stoner tourist trap. Yeah all of these people are correct about the planet and the lifestream, but dang if it doesn't feel like someone's about to heckle me into buying healing crystals and dreamcatchers.

The nostalgia is A++. Beautiful remaster of the music, too.

BUGENHAGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!! SO jealous of him zoomin around on that sick af crystal ball. Screw the Costa wheelies, I want one of these bad boys.

...A legendary fakeout in the making, I think!

The observatory is stunning. Can't even put it into words. The planetarium brought me to tears, it's such a flood of nostalgia and a deeply emotional scene. I love the nice detail of the planet being different from Earth— mako tinted oceans instead of deep blue. Watching the model planet rot and crumble broke my heart.

Sobbing the whole way through Aerith's speech. My god. Poor girl. Knowing what her fate is in the OG makes it hurt even worse.

Gi Nattak. Would

Expanding upon the Gi. Unexpected but super cool. Their story reminds me of FFIX, with the parasitic planet Terra lurking deep within Gaia. The Gi and the Cetra seem to have something similar going on. Who was here first? It almost sounds like the Cetra and their lifestream are invaders.

I could easily relate to the Gi's opinion, that the endless cycle of the lifestream and the persistence of the spirit is tantamount to torture. Never being able to truly rest in peace sucks. Don't worry friends, I'll bring you the black materia! :) (THIS USER CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH THE BLACK MATERIA)

Aerith sticking her hand into the mako..............

Chapter 11: The Long Shadow of Shinra (Nibelheim)

The intense gaslighting about Nibelheim was one of my favorite things about the OG. It also helped seed even more doubt into Cloud's existence as a real person, setting up his descent into madness over the black materia and vulnerability as Sephiroth's puppet. So the changes they've made to Nibelheim in Rebirth are... unnecessary, to put it lightly.

The villagers do not argue with Tifa or Cloud about their memories of the town. They greet them and tell them all about the town's development into a mako poisoning treatment center. Sigh... Part of what made OG's Nibel revisit so dreadful was the unshakeable feeling that you are not welcome there, and that you're being watched like a hawk. I feel a little bit too comfy here in Rebirth Nibelheim, with how friendly and open everyone's being.

Love the chat with Tifa in her old room. We get so much insight into her thoughts and feelings about Nibelheim, Avalanche, and about Cloud and herself.

"Every time we made eye contact, you'd look away. And when I tried to talk to you, you'd ignore me." ouch, don't gotta poke him in the autism like that

Ohoho. The hotel's digging up some memories. I've said my piece.

dillydally

LORD have mercy. This boy's noodle is scrambled like you wouldn't believe. Good news, he remembers Zack, sort of. Bad news, he thinks he fucking drowned?!???? It's intimidating to see the lengths Jenova/Sephiroth will go to to obscure the truth from Cloud. Damn.

Ok Yuffie is actually starting to get a bit obnoxious. Please stop interrupting emotionally charged moments. We get it, you're excited about materia. Cut it out.

If I were Tifa I would be shitting my pants terrified right about now. Girl I do NOT know how you're holding it together.

And now for the most distasteful tonal shift and momentum killer of all time. It's silly kitty cat hijinks time!! ...What the actual fuck. I like Cait Sith, but this is unacceptable. The basement is supposed to be a sickening place of fear and tragedy. Turning it into a cutesy little box chucking playground is downright disrespectful to the original FFVII. I can't even believe I'm writing this, it's so absurd as a concept. This is the only major change that I'm legitimately seriously upset about.

And by god does it drag on. Every time you think, surely this is the final section!... nope. It just keeps on fucking going. Fuck my life, my blood is boiling. Unreal. Remake's slow ass hand-crane highway thing is nothing compared to this. I'll take a Queen's Blood tournament and a hurricane of whispers any day over this unrivaled masterclass in unnecessary bullshit. Fuck.

At least to some people, the reward for getting through the Cait Sith Crate Slog is worthwhile— a few cutscenes starring Vincent Valentine, and a battle against Galian Beast. But if you're like me, and you're not utterly obsessed with Vincent Valentine or Matt Mercer, then by this point, you're just feeling drained and disappointed.

Overall... least favorite chapter. Mellow start, juicy build up with great potential, completely shafted by baffling nonsense.

RIP Roche. Heartbreaking. It's been a good run. Side note, Roche's conversion into a black robe was... quite bizarre. That's just, uh, how that works, I suppose? Okie dokie then

Oh hi Glenn

Chapter 12: A Golden Key (Gold Saucer Revisit)

Always felt weird about the Gold Saucer revisit in the OG. Unusual pacing. Well, at least Rebirth's being consistent in that regard.

What's the point of the theater if you're just going to do a VR performance instead? I know it's a silly little nitpick, but I wanna hear some soles squeaking on a hardwood stage!

Ah, that's the point of the VR. So Shinra can use a dead woman's likeness to keep selling tickets to their overhyped shows. Surprised none of the characters say anything about that, given Avalanche's well-established anticapitalist message.

This is what Genesis Rhapsodos decided to hyperfixate on? No wonder the guy's hair started turning grey and falling out in chunks. [SARCASM]

Barret sobbing uncontrollably, right next to Nanaki looking like a rejected Crash Bandicoot reboot clapping his paws together. Sums up this entire game so far.

The "audience participation" in the play is altered significantly from the OG. It's, uh, very neat and tidy. I strongly prefer OG's hysterical secondhand embarrassment and awkward ad-lib.

I NEED to know what happens if you fail all of the QTEs. Please tell me it goes off the rails and Cloud gets booed off stage PLEASE.

Pretty song. But my god if that is Not What She Would Sound Like.

The gondola rides!! Overall fantastic. So difficult to pick a favorite. Tifa's is obviously phenomenal, but I think I still have a soft spot for Aerith's. I like that Barret's is taken more seriously; it's such a heartfelt moment. Yuffie reminiscing about Zack was adorable, as well as Cloud relating to her being bad with feelings. The Cait Sith/Cid/Vincent one had me laughing out loud, it was so stiff and awkward lmaoo

THE SCOTCH AND KOTCH DISS TRACK IS SENDING ME???????? SKSJKHAGAAAFDSDSDHHBFD I'm so happy to see these freaks doing their thing again.

RUFUS SHINRA?????

Yeah, no Cait Sith, you ain't garnering any pity from me. Not happening after the crate incident.

Chapter 13: Where Angels Fear to Tread (Temple of the Ancients)

So the temple is to the north now. Understandable, since that's where the Forgotten Capital is, too. Still took me by surprise. Also means we won't be going back to Gongaga... aww :(

HOLY FUCK the way the temple assembles itself... now THIS is what I'm talkin' about!

Teasing us with that fractal square symbol since all the way back in Remake...!

Roche....... "my... friend..." :(((((((

These troopers are NOT getting paid enough for this shit lmao

Oh howdy there Rathalos from Monster Hunter, you look a bit different than I remember

Thank goodness the Cetra had the foresight to incorporate some aesthetically appropriate rest benches into their temple's design!

Aerith's seance + the camera angle of the whole team watching... beautiful nod to FFX...? <3

That better not have been Kunsel.

Reno jumpscare

Elena's pretty pink pistol with the charms and stickers is so goofy. I love her. Hopefully Cloud won't try to chop her head off within the next sixty seconds or anything like tha— uh, nevermind.

oooOOURGHH Cloud is SO fucking terrifying throughout the whole temple. Cody hitting it out of the ballpark BIG TIME with the voice acting. DAMN.

Everybody but Cloud has memories to retread... broke my heart. Sad and scary. By the way Hey uhh Temple? Why the fuck would you do this to us? :(

ugly sobbing

Followed up by the Gayest Thing I Think I've Ever Seen In Video Game History

YOU! WITH THE WING!! GET DOWN HERE!!! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Oh god no you're going to make me fight Demon Gate aren't you

THERE'S TWO OF THEM??!?!?!??!?!!! AAHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HORRIFYING BUT RELATABLE, CLOUD

Wait. Cloud. Hey. Can we talk about it for a sec. Come back please

"There's no point fighting over a fake." WHOA I actually straight up forgot about that twist! Hell yeah! What a wham line!

"I wish I hadnae skipped leg day." pFFFFT LMAOOOOO

"Yeah... I'm good." The Fuck You Ain't

PHHWAAHH HE JUST GETS CRUSHED AWWW!! RIP LMAO WHAT A WAY TO GO

The temple's transformation is breathtaking. And that music score, too, holy fuck.

Honestly I'm not even mad about the whispers being there, they're just a setpiece at this point. Adds to the frantic atmosphere. I'm choosing to ignore their narrative relevance until absolutely necessary.

ROCHE? YOU GOOD THERE BUDDY?

THAT BOY on his hands and knees SCRAMBLING for that black materia. Gayass

CLOUD AARHGRFGGFFFFF OHHGGHH SEPHIROTH HAS COMPLETE CONTROL OVER HIM HHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

OUUGRRHHHH OAWWWWGGHH

LISTEN. Listen I cannot formulate coherent thoughts about this. Go see it for yourself. Just go.

tee hee hee he's so proud of himself handing it over :3

It Begins.

Interlude. The Zack Moments so far:

Yeahhhh not a huge fan of Zack just dropping Cloud off at the nearest recognizable npc. Not after he almost gave his goddamn life to protect him.

MAN! Finally get to see what it's like to enter/exit Midgar. No fade to black, just on your feet and out the gate. Feels good; kinda surreal honestly. Never realized how bad I wanted this.

Regardless of what you think about the Zack thing, you gotta admit, the atmosphere during his sections is ethereal. So beautiful and calming in such a tragic way.

Love how he fights different than Cloud. Throwing punches, brutal kicks, shoulder checks, much like in Crisis Core.

HOLY FUCK don't mind me just gonna uhhh rip this five hundred pound metal post out of the ground and chuck it like a toy hammer. Suddenly the Buster Sword doesn't seem all that unwieldy.

......RIP Barret, Nanaki, and Tifa. Oof. What a way to go out.

DON'T MAKE MY SWEET BOY CRY LIKE THAT FUCK YOU!!! :(((((

Damn bitch you live like this??? To be fair, that's probably the most luxurious resting spot he's had in literal YEARS. Like wow there's a mattress!! And a roof!!!!!

Good to know that Cloud's goofy ass flinging himself out of bed straight into a combat stance thing from Remake is actually a Zack mannerism lol

Ohhh... my heart... seeing things from Cloud's perspective... I like the how this expands upon what the OG established, about "dreams" of this type. Sort of like the sleeping forest scene. Also makes Aerith's resolution scene in Remake all the more curious.

Aww... walking out onto the balcony and seeing the whole garden dead...

Obsessed with the music that plays during Zack's sections. Wow.

Awwww Marlene and Zack are such a silly duo :')

Biggs wtf did you do????????

Ziggs crashing hard onto my list of OTPs. Oops.

Divine intervention preventing a headshot? I'm sure some CS:GO players can relate.

Biggs' and Zack's conflicting memories of Cloud, plus the "broken internal clocks" is intriguing.

"Zack-of-all-trades" tickles me :D

All of their dialogue together is so self-aware... two characters who have had their narrative purposes torn out from under them, desperate to find a new one. The fact that there is no reason for them to be here is the whole point.

"We're all headed for the same place. You'll see your daddy and Tifa again." Oh ok yeah sure go ahead and rip my heart right out of my chest Elmyra

"Hello in there..." 🥺

So Remake Aerith bestowed memories of her future death upon Marlene. Is childhood innocence a prerequisite for this ability to work? Seeing as she did something similar with Nanaki. Otherwise, you'd think she would try to entrust her own fate with someone more influential, like Tifa or Barret.

I cannot fucking believe that Zaclerith endgame is real. Am I dreaming

Aww Zack has Aerith's ribbon tied around his hand...

Chapter 14: End of the World (Forgotten Capital/Final Chapter)

Ok Tsengru shippers. I finally see it. You are 100% correct about them.

Now we're getting WILD with it. The timeline shenanigans are in full swing. Speculation aplenty ahead.

"...or 'homeward bound' maybe?" Still trying to make sense of what exactly these sky-rift worlds are. Aerith's line here seems to imply that this is some kind of purgatory...? Where timelines go to wallow in their death throes? That's my understanding, so far. Especially with all of the mournful npc dialogue.

Aww... Aerith's date with Cloud mirroring the one she had with Zack in Crisis Core :')

I tell you what, the Stamp figurine made me GASP. So that's three timelines now. Beagle, Terrier, Spitz.

So Terrier Zack goes to Hojo in hopes of finding a cure for Cloud. Not his finest idea... but oh well. Jealous of his motorcycle. ;)

Sephiroth is combing timelines for one version of Aerith in particular...? Am I on the right track here? Is this the same Aerith from her resolution scene in Remake?

THE PUG made me spit my fucking drink out. Hot damn, there's four! We saw this timeline's conception in the form of the bright flash of light when Terrier Zack chose to go to Hojo.

So Pug Zack instead goes to Biggs at reactor 6. I really, really love this scene. The pump is dry, the planet's life is flashing before its eyes. A heartfelt moment shared between two characters who have had their narrative purposes torn out from under them. Zack gets a delicious bit of character progression, wanting to take back control of his life. Price of Freedom playing in the background has got me wailing like an air horn.

"I'm sick of taking its shit!" WHOA Zack swearing caught me way off guard. He flees from battle for once, instead of facing Shinra head on in this timeline. Wonder how that'll change things.

"You don't look like you're on a date... More like 'at a funeral.'" Mhm. duly noted

Give it up for timeline number five! Corgi Zack is sitting on the stairs at the church.

"Cloud, Biggs, or Aerith... How the hell am I supposed to choose?" You don't have to, darling. It's called a polycule.

Sephiroth slashes a hole in reality, and the black whispers drag Corgi Zack through it. Starting to think I shoulda done my Lifestream Black/Lifestream White homework.

So far, Aerith+Cloud's date "dream" has taken place entirely in the Spitz timeline. It's not clear if this is also true of the scene inside of the church, especially since Sephiroth comes waltzing in after we just saw him outside in the Corgi timeline. I'm getting the impression that time and space are a very hand-wavey thing in this layer of reality.

HEART EXPLODING GHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for one of the most exhilirating things I think I've ever seen in MY LIFE.

"Behold... The true nature of reality. When the boundaries of fate are breached, new worlds are born. The planet encompasses a multitude of worlds, ever unfolding. [...] In the planet's embrace, all life is as one." Sephiroth's entire dialogue here... I got goosebumps. That's all.

"Very poor form." LMAO

I notice now on my second watch through, that as early as the sleeping forest scenes, we're cutting back and forth between two different timelines, I believe. Whenever the black or white whispers rush past, we shift perspective from one timeline to another. Pay close attention. Two worlds, simultaneous, but different.

Cloud delivers the white materia from one Aerith to another. Is this the same white materia we see from the beginning of Rebirth? I don't think she swaps the materia out, just transfers its power into her own empty materia, then hands Cloud the newly empty one.

Interesting! Looks like the timeline had already split, all the way back when Cloud handed over the black materia. Previously we saw Cloud and Aerith fall, but now— the white whispers rush past— and we see him rescue her and pull themselves up before they fall. Interesting!

Some youtube theorycrafter will piece together the symbolic significance of literally every tiny detail in this prerendered cutscene and make perfect sense of it. Looking forward to it too, because this is WAY above my paygrade.

Hello, whiper pest control services? Hi, yes, I would like to know why the white whispers are suddenly getting in the way? I thought they were my friends :(

Aerith's prayer :(((((((((

OHHGH MY GOD fucking legendary use of the haptic/adaptive triggers. Holy shit.

👁️ 👁️

Meanwhile, Zack Fair

me, banging my fists on the table: KISS! KISS!!! KISS! KISS!!!! JUST KISS ALREADY!!!!!! KISS!!!

Lmao Zack is so indifferent to this interdimensional insanity. After being the protagonist of Crisis Core, he's just like "lol whatever this is fine"

"Look at you takin' charge! I like it!" 😏

Zack+Cloud synergy attack!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!

"What in the hell is going on!?" SAME ZACK, SAME

AERITH!!!!!!!!!

OH FUCK IT'S THE SONG

the hand hold 💔

i'm incoherent. i'll figure out my thoughts about this some other time

Oh hi Glenn— OH SHIT??!?

THE SWORD CAN DO THAT?????? what

Man... the in-game skybox does NOT do that rift in the sky justice. Absolutely staggering in the final prerendered cutscene.

Next time I have a migraine aura, I'll be at ease knowing that it's just the timelines rippling and merging. No big deal

Two separate worlds, one where she lives, one where she dies. Realities overlapping and intertwined. Cloud's fragile mind fluctuating between both… wow. Can't wait to see where this leads in part 3.

Misc. thoughts, not chapter specific:

Love the accentuated mako in SOLDIER eyes. It irked me that the iconic mako color was so muted in Remake, so seeing it so vibrant in Rebirth is sexy as hell.

Um. No comment on Glenn, really. I'm not heavily invested in his story; maybe I'd be more interested if SE had actually done anything substantial with First Soldier and Ever Crisis. I don't mind that he's here, and the Jenova/Sephiroth twist was pleasantly surprising. Matt and Lucia name drop was also a nice touch. It's pretty obvious that the only reason Glenn is here is to help set up a confict against Wutai for part 3. Fair enough.

So no Kunsel? *SMASHES PHONE ON THE GROUND* *CRUSHES SKATEBOARD*

[drowninginthoughts27]

5/9 Train Word Count: 1120

(general angst) @jegulus-microfic

The first time James Potter met Regulus Black was on the first of September on the Hogwarts Express.

“It’s 10:56. Where is he? The train leaves at 11 o’clock sharp!” Sirius runs his fingers through his hair, stressed beyond belief.

“Again, are you sure he exists? Anyone with the name ‘Prongs’ sounds made up to me. Like an imaginary friend or something.” Regulus snorts, he’s tugging on Sirius’ jumper sleeve to try to drag him onto the train.

“Yes I’m sure he exists Reggie, unlike you I have friends!” Smirking, Sirius twists himself free from Regulus’ grasp. “Hey that’s not fair I have Pandora and Evan! They just aren’t idiots who want to risk missing their first day at Hogwarts to wait on some possibly made up boy.”

“If you wanna go and find the carriage you can but I’m waiting here until just before the clock strikes 11. He won’t miss the train believe me,” Regulus dosn’t respond to that. Having to navigate the train alone is almost worse than missing the Hogwarts Express. And as much as Regulus hates to admit it he does trust Sirius.

So he opts to just stand by Sirius’ side right in front of the open train doors, fidgeting with the hem of his new robes. Unlike Sirius who’s in an old jumper and jeans, Regulus had changed into his school robes before arriving at King’s Cross Station due to his pent up nervous excitement.

“Reggie look, he’s here! I told you he was real! I told you he would come!” Sirius is now waving his arms excitedly jumping up and down on the platform.

The boy who had previously been looking around like a lost puppy notices Sirius and starts bounding over to them. Tripping over the trunk he’s lugging every few steps.

The boy has a rather disheveled look about him. He’s on the taller side. Dark brown curls sticking up in all directions, giving the impression that he had just rolled out of bed. His chocolate eyes are full of mischievous excitement. He’s decked out in all red and gold- Gryffindor house colors. His socks are mismatched, his shoes left untied, and he sports a sloppy, toothy grin.

“James!” Sirius exclaims; still jumping up and down with joy. “You almost missed the train. We were getting worried ya know.” Sirius is now sporting an almost identical grin to the one plastered on James’ face. “This is the infamous Reggie!” Sirius says, gesturing to Regulus with a wide sweeping motion with his hands.

“Ya, sorry about that,” he says to Sirius.

And then lowering his head to match Regulus’ height he says: “Hi Reggie, it’s nice to meet you! I’m James!”

Regulus is more nervous than he was before.

No wonder Sirius had found him a replacement. He doesn’t stand a chance next to James and his obnoxiously cheery personality.

Snapping out of his trance he mumbles “Regulus is fine,” in James’ direction.

The warning whistle blows telling them it’s nearly 11. So with that all three of them rush off to go and find the carriage Remus and Pete had already claimed for the five of them.

The train ride is chaotic and weather is persistently somber but despite the rainy day outside Regulus arrives at Hogsmead Station in a weirdly good mood. The mood ends up lasting with him until well after the first years had been carted off across the Black Lake. James’ energy is apparently infectious.

———

The last time James Potter and Regulus Black Meet is on the fifth of January, back at Hogwarts.

Well it’s not truly the last time they meet but from then on out Regulus is not truly Regulus any more. He’s nothing but a shell of his former self. One known formally as Regulus Arcturus Black.

“Sirius, he's gonna come, trust me!”

“I’m not sure about that James, it’s almost 11. Regulus is never late for anything. Especially when it comes to his academics.” Sirius is getting progressively more worried by both the lack of an appearance from his brother and the growing distress in James’ voice.

“Nobody can be perfectly punctual all the time. He’ll show up, trust me,” James persists.

Just then the warning whistle that signals the trains nearing departure sounds.

“James, we have to go! We can write to him later or for all we know he might already be there,” Sirius forces out a laugh in hopes to lighten the mood.

James looks like he’s on the verge of tears and Sirius can’t have that happen.

“Now go do your head boy duties, it’ll distract you. Reggie will be back before you know it. I promise,” the minute he says it he regrets it, he can’t promise anything regarding Regulus these days.

Nearing the Christmas Holidays Regulus had become far more on edge, his actions nearing irrational, and his stress levels clearly through the roof. James just didn’t want to admit anything. He was clinging on to his last pieces of hope, living in delusion.

Halfway through dinner that night Regulus walks through the large entry doors to the Great Hall. Almost immediately James spots him.

“Always did have a flair for dramatics didn’t he,” Sirius scoffs.

“Regulus, Reg, Reggie!” James shouts to him, bouncing in his seat with anticipation.

But despite James’ countless efforts to get his boyfriend’s attention Regulus struts right over to the Slytherin table. Ignoring James completely and sitting down in between Pandora and Barty.

After dinner James makes up some lame excuse to Sirius, Peter, and Remus to hang back for a bit. Telling them that they can leave without him and that he’ll meet them back at the dorms later. He knows they can see right through him. He was miserable the remainder of dinner and barely touched his dessert. But right now he can’t find it in him to care that much.

James stands there, waiting by the exit of the dinning hall. The minute he sees Regulus walking alone to the Slytherin dorms, relief floods through him. It’s all gonna be okay, he tells himself.

Taking his chance he runs into the crowd to walk besides Regulus. This only causes Regulus to speed up.

“Wait, Reg, wait!” James is frantic now, jogging beside him. Dodging people left and right in an attempt not to run into anyone.

“Shove off Potter”

This causes James to take a step back in shock. His bottom lip is trembling, he’s stammering over incoherent words and phrases. Really just jumbles of nonsense at this point.

“It’s over!” Regulus growls “It really shouldn’t have been anything in the first place!” With that Regulus turns his shoulder on James, storming off into the crowd.

[mickittotheman]

I just read the snippet of your fic from an ask from iansw0rld and I'm just ‼️‼️‼️‼️ about it literally can't form coherent words but I'm obsessed already and I'm very excited to read it! 🖤🖤🖤

GAH omg thank you!!! Here's another snippet. As a little treat. It takes place immediately after the prev one:

______

“What is with you and the fucking sprite?” Mickey grouses the next day. He’s having a bit of trouble looking Ian in the eye, but he’s sure Ian will lure him back into a relaxed state soon enough, his weird fucking alien powers doing whatever the fuck it is they do.

“You got something against sprite, Milkovich? ‘Cause we can’t still be friends if you do.”

Who the fuck ever said anything about fucking friendship? 

Mickey bites his tongue, sure that if he says anything about it Ian will make some stupid quip like, ‘oh? what do you want us to be then?’ and Mickey will have to grit out some answer like ‘strangers’ or ‘mortal fucking enemies’ while fighting a losing battle to keep his cheeks from going pink.

Yeah. Probably way smarter to just let Ian keep thinking they’re friends, no matter how fucking faggy that is.

“This is a fucking bar, man. You ever gonna order a real drink?”

“I’m good,” Ian chirps, slurping obnoxiously at the glass Mickey hands over. “Soda tastes better than alcohol. I’m not 21 yet, anyways. Not for another few months.” 

“Jesus, you aren’t supposed to fucking tell me that.” 

Ian grins at him. “Oh yeah? What ‘m I supposed to do, then?” 

“You’re supposed to show me a fake ID like a normal fucking person. Or just not fucking say shit in the first place, considering we don’t even fucking card people.” 

Ian splays one of his big ass hands over his chest. Drops his jaw in shock. “Mickey. Surely you aren’t encouraging me to break the law.”

Mickey snorts, a smile breaking out on his face despite his best efforts. Ian’s eyes go wide, delighted, his grin the most blinding one yet. Mickey scurries away to refill the glass of some girl who didn’t even fucking ask for one.

“Hey, I didn’t–”

“Yeah, I fucking know. On the house.”

The girl frowns at his language, then perks ups at the concept of a free refill, then frowns again. “You aren’t, like, trying to hit on me are you? Because you are so not my type.”

Mickey directs his eyes heavenwards. The shit he has to put up with in this fucking hellhole.

Ian finally leaves just before ten, just like he always does. He smiles, just like always. And, just like always, his last smile of the night is soft and sleepy in a way that makes Mickey want to punch him. “See ya tomorrow, Mick.”

“No you won't,” Mickey says, snatching the five dollar bill Ian’s holding out. He knows by now to be careful not to let their skin brush as he does it. “Work the opening shift tomorrow, with any luck I’ll be gone before you roll in. And I’m off Sundays.”

Ian frowns for a minute before brushing it off, his grin cropping up again. “No problem,” he chirps. “I’ll come by on Monday, then. My wallet and glucose levels could use a rest from all the drinks, anyways.”

And yeah, okay, Mickey’s had this sneaking suspicion that the guy has mostly just been coming to hang out with Mickey for some insane fucking reason. But for the guy to just straight up fucking confirm it like that? Just put it out there in the open, no holds barred?

It’s fucking unsettling, is what it is. Guy definitely has a screw loose. What is it with EMTs and their weird ass obsessions with making Mickey’s life a living hell.

He spends the last twenty minutes of his shift all fucking jittery and shit. Thank fuck he doesn’t have to deal with this shit again until Monday.

+++

[popculturebuffet]

Earth Day Special! (4-Episodes. Too Many To List, Comission for Weird Kev 27)

Happy Earth Day everyone! It's a day to reuse, renew and recycle, reflect on the gifts mother earth has given us and hope it dosen't die horribly from big corporations and general studidity bleeding it dry!

It's also a time to celebrate how cartoons tackle envornmentalism, as Kev, my sorta producer and the guy who pays for the bulk of my commissions each month, is an environmentalist, and thus thought it'd be fun to take a look at a few episodes that tackle a green message and see how they do.

Today we'll be looking at the Rocko's Modern Life Classic "Zanzibar" and three more recent examples; OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes "The Power is Yours", Big City Greens "Green Greens" and The Ghost and Molly McGee's carbon zeor heroes. So join me under the cut as we see how yesterday and today's toons try to teach kids what they can do to help the environment.

Zanzibar (Rocko's Modern LIfe)

We start with the oldest episode here, all the way back from 1996.

Zanzibar is a musical episode, a genre I can't belivie I HAVEN'T covered before but love dearly. Sure sometimes it can be done poorly, but when done right it's a thing of beauty and Zanzibar does it right.

A lot of that is in who wrote it: Dan Povmire and Jeff Swampy Marsh of Phineas and Ferb and Milo Murphy's Law Fame. This is where they got their start and you can tell it's them by the beautiful music and self aware tone. In a great joke everyone dancing and singing is explained by the fact they rehearesed every thursday, except Rocko who wasn't aware this was a thing and is deeply confused. The episode knows it's a musical and an environmental episode when the general strategy to writing one was POLUTION BAD. PEOPLE WHO POLUTE ARE GROTESQUE CORPRATE MONSTERS WHO POLUTE BECAUSE IT'S FUN OR SEXY TIM CURRY POLUTION. We all know grotesque corporate monsters pollute because it's cost effective.

Instead, Zanzibar is pretty blunt about where the issues come from: When Rocko arrives to a full dump after the catchy opening tune, Ed's solution is that "There's plenty of room over there".. in a park. Ed represents callous assholes who dump garbage everywhere, but in a realistic sense: some assholes really are that callous about the environment or act like damaging it dosen't matter. Ed even sings a whole song about how birds and fish are "brainnnnlesss pinheads", which is both beautiful to hear and also gloriously obnoxious.

Thankfully our heroes instead listen to Captain Compost Heap, a wonderfullyd eisgned pile of compost that sings the spelling song, the signature piece of this episode and the one that has been grafted to my head since watching. IT's catchy has hell.. and that's by design as it teaches HOW to help the environment in a way kids could feasably try while getting stuck in their head so the lesson sticks. It teaches the steps: recycle trash to reuse it, conserve power, and don't you P-O-L-L-U-T-E the rivers sky and sea or else your gonna get what you deserve. Simple but effective and it even talks about ozone depletion in detail, one of the best examples i've seen of that, only topped by Futurama's Crimes of the Hot later. Gotta remember that one and a big piece of garbage for next year.

OUr heroes DO mak ea change and help the dump reduce... but it also shows there's limits to what we CAN do as CCH points out the biggest polluter, Conglom-O the souless corporation that owns most of the city and city hall... to the point the crowd that's gathered decides to give up and sing about how you can't fight city hall. What's neat though is that Rocko.. dosen't and decides you can at least TRY to hold corporations accountable. Granted Rocko has a big unruly mob on his side but still.

Granted the episode does make the issue of holding them acountable easy as all it hilarously takes is Rocko barging in, adresssing the board, and then his big unruly mob singing a song to convince them "sure why not". IN real life.. they usually won't or may SAY they will but not actually do shit, and if they do do things it'll be in a performative measure. But I get this is a 90's era cartoon aimed at children, if fun for all, and thus can only do so much.

It DOES however work around this with catharsis: ed's in charge of it and thus gets the thankless job of undoing all Conglomo's shit which at least shows how big corprate greedheads really don't have to put any work into actually fixing their act and foster it on someone else. it's just in this case the someone else is a callous asshole incapable of learning a lesson, so it works out. And all Ed leanrs.. is to be pissed Rocko gave him extra work, and thus is smited by the ozone layer for his insolence. A bit broad? Sure but it works well for it's time and even now holds up really well, being a funny, sharply written episode that knows what it is and what it's limitations are and thus just has fun with it.

The Power is Yours (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes!)

OK KO is already pretty damn insane and it's great for that. It mixes subtle character development episodes, well done story arcs and a fun world with just about every genre of protagnist stuffed in and juiced up on energy drinks with wacky nonsense episodes.

This is one of those as well as one of OK KO's crossover episodes. While OK KO would do a proper big ole crossover with conteperary shows with Crossover Nexus, most of the time Ian instead focused on older properties. It's why the Grimwood Girls made their triumphant comeback here, why the Sonic crossover had a LOT of adventures of sonic the hedgehog homages, and why for it's first crossover... they choose captain planet.

Keep in mind Captain Planet, while aired on CN and grandfathered in as something owned by Time Warner Bros Discovery, originally aired on TBS and long predated the network. Of all the many great shows Cartoon Network had aired, it was a very left of field choice.

But it's one that clearly ian sincerly backed and rightfully so. The Power is Yours shows a love for Captain Planet while also lampooning the hell out of how over the top it is, which Given OK KO is already over the top in it's world, fits perfectly.

Here Lord Boxman, our resident baddy, gets help from evil efficency effort and former Captain Planet Villian Dr. Blight. He finds her sexay, so he gladly endugles her when she claims poluting and destroying the planet will somehow equal profit, a nice take on how most captain planet villians were greedy buisness types.. yet engaged in stuff that vastly outstripped the profit they'd actually get. There's a reason Captain Planet Villian is now short hand.

As a result the ice caps melt flooding the plaza, smog encroaches.. but only our lead KO gives a fuck. Rad is of course oblivoius and self intrested and Enid dosne't care a lot this early in the series.

Thankfully KO get shelp from Kwame, leader of the planateers played by returning acting icon Lavar Burton, who does a wonderful job. He gives each of the cast a ring.. including A Real Magical Skeleton and his buddy brandon, who have to share the wind ring.

Captain Planet is able to turn the tide and the animators.. just have fun with the series cartoony nature, having Captian Planet do the goddamn certified Jojo pose, complete with araki style art shift, above, suck up all the polution like a ballon and generally get to do looney tunes stuff.

As is standard procedure if I remmeber right, Captain Planet gets struck down and as is standard procedure fo rour heroes, Rad and Enid bicker and it takes KO using the power of HEART to get them to care about the environment which powers up CP enough to save the day.

The plot's simple.. btu what makes it work is how tounge in cheek it is: this is captain planet taken to it's most rediculous extreme and it works. The only thing missing is ted turner murdering people to really fit. And the ending.. improves on the source with Captain Planet pointing out what they've done.. really dosen't GUARANTEE the world is okay. We have to take systemic, group action to really make a change and not let the planet fall into a firey hell pit and while doing what you can is good, if exagerated for parody's sake here, climate change is something that's not easily fixed nor going away. It's a lesson we all need to learn and one well taught, mixnig the over the top parody and moralizing.. with a real message that lands because it's so seprated from what came before without feeling jarring. Captain Planet calmly telling a small child that it's not that easy.. works. The power is this episodes and the onlyt hing it was missing was a ted turner rampage.

Green Greens (Big City Greens)

Green Greens follows our favorite family as they try to clean up their own environment.. and also showcases how while Recycling IS a good thing, sometimes doing so can be a trial.

The ep kicks off with Bill finding out his garden is rotting. Naturally like 80% of his problems, it's cricke'ts fault, who has created a trash hole in the garden not getting that their crops are you know.. how they pay for food and stuff. As usual it dosen't sink in, not helped by the revelation Gramma has been aiding and abetting this nightmare. Tilly didn't know because "We knew you would snitch sweety" and I assume Gloria, their live in 20 something the family basically adopted in all but paper, didn't either.

Bill plans to clean all this up but runs into a problem thanks to said gloria; A flourcesnt bulb is among the trash and if not disposed properly it can leak into the enviroment, something I honestly forgot and is good to know. Wanting to both prove a point and not kill their yard worse than his son already has, Bill agrees to Gloria's suggestion to take it to an e-waste center. Gloria will drive and Tilly will tag along because she's a pure ray of sunshine while Cricket and Gramma will clean up the consequences of their actions.. which admitely isn't the biggest punishment as Cricket mocks bill about how he gets to play in the trash... though Gloria calling hi ma little racoon is adorable. She's a good big sister.

Gloria DOES have her limits though as our heroes end up in a traffic jam, and Gloria has big plans for tonight

Okay she just dosen't want to spend her saturday in traffic when her surrogate dad and sister can just take the train so their left on their own. What follows is an epic quest, as our heroes have trouble finding the chartruse line.. a gag I really like as Bill wonders if tha'ts even a color. They find help with an activist who is suprised anyone is actually doing something as fortold in the prophecy and guides them to their destination: beyond the bridge of woe to the e-waste center, it's frought with peril. Bill has an understandable question

And there's no real answer but I get their point: sometimes city planning makes it hard to .. you know actually recycle. not everywhere collects recycling. I know my town dosen't. And while Big City DOES, it's e-waste center is on the other side of town, in the shady and smog filled industrial district. It's not making it easy to do the right thing and it shoudn't be this hard to properly dispose of a lightbulb.

Our heroes treck through urban mordor.. and fine their on the wrong side. Bill does the understandable thing and goes laughing mad, scaring away some toughs and planning to just chuck it. TIllyt alks him down pointing out sometimes doing the right thing is hard.. but you should still do it.. even if it means crossing an industrial waste. And the thing is getting the bulb there for the one day a week, if that, it can be recycled... dosen't really fill them with any satisfaction.

What does that and gives them closure with their quest.. is the b plot> Cricket and Gramma are naturally hot mess. They do clean out the trash hole.. but now have a full trash can and a GARBAGE MOUNTAIN to deal with. Cricket does what I usually doa nd jsut stuffs it all in.. and it predictably backfires, spilling out all over.

They go with plan b: just stuff it in the neighbors dumpster.. and said neighbor says i'ts not very chill so they back off.. but does provide a solution. Recycling! The episode shows how recyling trash.. helps reduce it to a managable level, helping break down the issue of "well it makes it harder to have to sort the trash. it does.. at first.. but doing so helps reduce their trash. It honestly makes me want to try recycling simply because it seems like it'd help my room not be the wasteland it is.

It also delivers the episodes aseop: doing your part for the envorment is hard and often thankless.. but just doing your little bit with worth it. Just doing that much has already restored the soil around the crops.. and that's enough to make bill and tilly feel like their journey was worth it. And Gloria. she helped too. Probably.

Carbon Zero Heroes (The Ghost and Molly McGee)

Our final stop for this special, as we look in on the recently departed the Ghost and Molly McGee. Fun fact this is the first episode from season 2 i've seen.

This episode is also my first exposure to Ollie. He's our protaganist Mollie's boyfriend and thus to the shippers

That's somehow not an exageration either: See in season one Molly was heavily shipped with her closest friend Libby and her nemises turned friend Andrea, the former because they have adorable chemistry and compliment each other and the latter for both some of those reasons and because Disney shippers really love enemies to lovers. Given I ship both Sashanne and Lumity, I sympathize. So introducing a canon love intrest whose not either of them was always going to be a struggle. I'm a shipper myself, I get it. Sometimes it's hard. I mean i've been trying to ship this dog for several days

But i'm still not sure exactly who. It's a hard buisness and sometims you can go years without finding a character to pair with a character. Especially when ti's a cartoon british dog who already has a LOT of shit to put up with and thus needs someone SOMEWHAT stable. and also like 30's ish. What i'm saying is shipping wendy is harder than I expected and I get canon sometimes sucks.

I won't however bash Ollie for that as he was already being created byt he time season 1 aired, and thus the staff really didn't have time to pivot with the tides. At worst he's kinda bland as in at least this episode he's really just.. molly but a dude. That's it. Their adorable.. but unlike Libby or Andrea he dosen't really play off of her in an intresting way. his voice actor, who also has the voice of an angel in the musical number for this episode, feels he boosts her up, which fits.. but I still get that it's just not as intresting as Molly helping Libby with her shyness and Libby consequently help;ing Molly take about 10% off or Andrea's cool demeanor and slow reform contrasting Molly just going for it. It's not that Olly is TERRIBLE, he's just nojt AS good as the ships the fans had built up by the time he popped into the world.

So where were we.. ah yes. Someone help me ship this dog. She does pilates, can deadlift a grown dog man, and is the loving mother of one. She'as also easily startled but given her neighbor once slapped his ass in front of her as part of a game with his daughter and got shoved down the stairs for the same reasons while treating it as if it wasn't a big deal, you can see why maybe I want her to be happy

And oh yes the episode. Okay so our episode is kicked off by a lecture on how if we dont' fix climate change

And leaves the children all scared. Scratch, our ghost and Mollys ghost BFF, figures it's humanity's problem as he's dead. He dosen't have to deal with this and he certainly doesn't have a human body he forgot about. Nope not him.

Molly, being a go getter naturally dosen't take this lying down and wants to do something while Libby.. feels we're all fucked and there's ntohing we can do and has prepared a bunker. I was not expecting this to have a LIbby subplot about her survivial bunker for the inevitable fall of mankind, but here we are and it is glorious.

Ollie however agrees with Molly that they can do something so in classic kids tv fashoin tehy start recycling, pick up garbage, do all the carbon zero footprint stuff all to a catchy well done song.. and costume changes. I did say they were adorable, I prefer molibby but they aren't bad.

The episode also does something few kids shows have done, and something I like: While Big City Greens talked about taking small steps, Rocko foreshadowed what a bit task it was and OK KO showed whatever steps you tak earen't enough alone, TGAMM shows just HOW MUCH it'd take to actually leave a zero footprint. Our heroes bike everywhere, can't watch anything, can't have pizza, eat turnips they grew but can't cook them because gas (even though fire is an option. Whose for fire?), keep bugs off said turnips, miss a birthday party and are generally utterly miserable.. and it only improves the earth by .00000000003%. The hard truth is doing NO harm to the envronment in a world set up that way... is simply impossible without radical life changes two 13 year olds simply aren't capable of. They can't buy a farm or have the money to grow crops and can't bike up hills reliably. As a wise 10 year old once said

It's a hard truth.. but one kids NEED to hear. You can't do everything yourself, the world is hard to change and you shouldn't kill yoruself doing so. It dosent mean having a trash hole or nothing matters it just means saving the earth isn't something you can do by yourself.

While our heroes were hitting rock bottom we get that bunker subplot, which is the best part of the episode. Granted I already liked libby a lot as a character but given her sometimes depressed nature, it fits perfectly that she simply decided instead of trying to change thigns to prepare to the end, and seeing the normally shy libby show off her zombie bunker is great. She even gladly invites Scratch. What's a bunker without friends. This plot is here for two reasons. the first is it's hilarious and provides a nice contrast from how.. rough the a plot can get as while there are some funny bits it's rough watching two well meaning 13 year olds nearly drive themselves nuts trying to fix climate change.

So instead we get another tween whose happily set up a zombie survivial bunker and counters Scratch's "those don't exist" with "People dont think ghosts are real either". Touche. She also has a blanket with spikes and a bed with spikes. Lots of spikes, canned goods and posters to prepare for the zombei apocalypse or any old apocalypse.

The other reason besides being objectively hilarious is it shows the other extreme: giving up, accepting the world will go to shit and errupt in fire and being prepared to live in a horrifying post apocalypse. And that itself.. isn't healthy. I mean having a bunker shockingly is as having somewhere safe and secure planned in case shit goes down, especially when your best friend has recently dealt with super ghosts, isn't that unresonable especially in these times. I can see why Libby's mom lets her keep it. They MIGHT need it.

The problem is just.. giving up: accepting the world will end instead of at least trying.

It's worth it to just.. try to make the world more sustainable. We can't probably entirely FIX climate change, but we can at least try. It's the lesson throughout all these episodes: climate change dosen't have an easy answer, but you can't give up.

So Molly and Ollie do.. but scratch encourages them.... ti's mostly to save ice cream as he realizes apocalypse food sucks, but it ends up being a good metaphor: that alone we can't save ice cream, but together we can. That community action.. is really what's needed> it might not fix EVERYTHING.. but we can at least try.

So Molly goes to town hall... which isn't as over the top as it might sound because she's tight with the mayor and has done a lot of community improvment. Of course their going to listen to her and her boyfriend and her future girlfirend and her army of racoons. She's earned it.

So Molly simply pitches a green intivaitve for the town which mayor patton oswalt naturally agrees to because he's a good dude and again, Molly has done a LOT for this town. He tried to make her mayor once. Simply doing their part, picking up trash, upping recycling, and setting up windmills... it'll only help them get carbon neutral by a decade from now.. but it's something, and shows you can acomplsih something by just trying. Also Scratch has become jabba the hutt from a lot of ice cream.

So that ends this retrospective and I gotta say.. not a bad episode in the bunch. All teach their lesson well without being patronizing or ignoring how hard going green CAN be. It was a great crop so this earth day, save a tree, try to recycle.. just do what you can. Do all you can do and it'll make the world just a little better.. and maybe tell a billionare to fuck off. I'm writing this in advance but Elon Musk will probably have done something that day. So thanks for reading and happy earth day.

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Shotgun

A/N- This was a fic that i completely forgot i had back when i posted it 😅 this sat in my notes for so long because i was nervous it wasn’t gonna do very well but surprisingly a lot of people liked it!

Summary- You teach Eddie how to shotgun a joint

Genre- Fluff

Warnings- None :)

Tag List- @imagine-all-the-imagines @hellfirewh0re @paola-carter @whiplaaaaaaaaash @ladyapplejackdnd @thatlonelypieceoftoast @efvyqrs

Words- 3.3k

You were laid out on Eddie’s bed, your Hellfire shirt on from the last meeting and a pair of Eddie’s sweats. You could hear his loud music playing from the bathroom as he showered, giggling to yourself as you could hear him singing along to For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica.

Your fingers were cramping up a bit from rolling for the last half hour, a pile of joints laid next to your tray and as you finished the last one, you placed it between your lips and lit it.

Eddie wouldn’t mind it if you started without him right?

Almost every other week he would bring you in to watch over their D&D games. You had absolutely no idea how any of it worked but it was fun to see how intense they all got. Plus there were some nights where you would be the Princess they would have to rescue. Not to mention all of Eddie’s dorky friends would be giving you a majority of their attention and it was nice to have little minions every now and then.

It was surprising to all of them that you were the only girl that actually enjoyed being around Eddie all the time.

The two of you had met freshman year, he was actually the one who got you out of your shell a bit. He was always obnoxious and loud and didn’t really seem to care what anyone thought about him and you always admired that. You, on the other hand, we’re definitely the opposite. You two had the same taste in music, movies, almost everything, but personality wise it was hot and cold. He was more confrontational but you always stayed away from confrontation. He was more laid back and you were work, work, work. It was tough to see him held back the last two years, just waiting for him to step up and act like an adult, but you knew he was just scared of the real world.

As soon as you graduated you went to college the next year. Nothing too fancy, just a local community college so you could stay close to home but still get your degree. Plus you couldn’t just leave Eddie all by himself.

He’d be an absolute wreck if you had to leave.

He loved having you around all the time, not just cause you were best friends, but because you kept him in line most of the time. You helped him with school work so he could graduate, you helped him think of new campaigns for D&D when he was blanking, and you were always honest with him about everything wether it was good or bad.

You cleaned up your tray and put the joints you rolled into a little jar on his nightstand. As you took a long drag from the joint you saw he had something out of the ordinary for him laying next to his lamp.

Condoms.

You giggled to yourself as you grabbed the few of them and tried to think about why he would even have them just laying around.

“Hey,” Eddie knocked on the wall as he stood in the doorway to his bedroom, no shirt, sweats, and drying his hair with a towel, his tattoos almost glistening on his body as it was still a bit damp from his shower, “what’re you looking at?”

“Oh, nothing, just these,” You laughed a bit and tossed them at him, sitting back down on the edge of his bed, “what do you have them for anyways? Its not like you’re using them.”

He jumped a bit as they hit his chest, and he quickly tried to put them away into one of his drawers,

“How do you know that? You’re not with me every second of the day, for all you know im getting laid almost every night here.”

You raised your eyebrows as you took another drag, holding it out to him after,

“Because whenever a girl other than me even talks to you, you have no idea how to act. The girls you seem to like definitely don’t like you back, i hate to be the one to tell you sweetie.”

He rolled his eyes as he took the joint from you, placing it between his lips as he threw his towel into one of the piles of laundry on his floor,

“How do you know what kind of girls i like? Maybe my taste in women has changed over the years,” he came over and sat next to you, his hair still a bit damp as it grazed over your arm, “I’m a man now (y/n), i think i know what my type is.”

You laughed at the cocky grin he gave you and you snatched the joint from between his lips,

“You may be a ‘man’,” you said with air quotes, “but you’re a man who’s still in high school, so don’t get any ideas with those cheerleaders or i’m gonna be the one to kill you before their daddies get a chance to.”

He watched your lips as you took a long drag and glanced at your chest through your Hellfire shirt. He’d never admit it to you but if he had the choice between you and the entire cheerleading team at Hawkins High, he’d always choose you.

You were his dream girl. You liked all the same things, you hated all the same things, you were there for him through everything and no matter what you would stick by his side. Even if there were a few times he was in the wrong… But you made sure to keep him in check when he did do something wrong. If he was being honest, he thought it was really hot when you put him in his place.

“Oh well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” you placed the joint back between your lips as you went to the cabinet under his TV, looking for something to watch, squatting yourself down on your knees. Eddie smiled to himself and leaned back onto his bed as his eyes were glued to your ass in his oversized sweatpants, “what do you wanna watch tonight?”

You looked through the stacks of horror VHS tapes in the cabinet, groaning as Eddie ignored you.

“Jaws? Texas chainsaw massacre? Scanners? Some feedback would be nice Eddie.”

He couldn’t even hear himself think, let alone you nearly yelling at him from 5 feet away. You were the only thing on his mind, and it was making it difficult for him to focus on anything.

He thought about your body, your smooth skin, your soft hair, your bright eyes, and it was painful for him not to be able to touch you.

“Eddie!”

You were standing in front of him, arms crossed with a tape in your hand,

“Since you decided to ignore me, i pick what we’re watching.” You tossed the tape to him, and surprisingly he caught it, sitting up to grab another joint from his nightstand.

“Weren’t you too scared to finish Evil Dead?”

“I’ll be fine,” you took the box back from him and slid the tape into the VCR, “i want to actually try and finish it this time.”

“You said that last time too.”

You sat down on his bed and passed him the lighter,

“Well this time i’m serious, i don’t know why i always get so scared,” you leaned back and got comfortable on his bed, putting one of his pillows behind you for some support, “i think it’s cause of that one scene, with the trees?”

He took a few hits before passing it to you again,

“Why? It’s not that bad, and i know you’ve definitely seen worse from the other stuff we watched,” he moved back, his shoulder touching yours and the ends of his hair tickling your arm, “is it… is it like a girl thing?”

The tape started, neither of you really paying attention to it and leaving it for background noise,

“I don’t know, maybe? I think having to watch something like that happen…” You got a little quiet, just imagining how terrifying a situation like that would be for anyone, “It’s just scary.”

He pulled the joint from your lips and moved his arm around your shoulder to squeeze you close to him,

“Well yeah it sounds scary, but this is just a movie,” he took a long drag and puffed his chest out to make him look stronger, “and you’ve got me here to keep you safe. You know i make sure no one messes with you when i’m around.”

You giggled at his attempt to make himself seem more tough, knowing he loved starting fights, but hated having to finish them.

“Oh yeah? And just what are you gonna do? I seem to remember the last time you made sure no one messed with me, you got your ass kicked because you thought it would be an amazing idea to key up Scott’s car after he called me a slut cause i wouldn’t go out with him.”

“Yeah but he stopped fucking with you after that, right?”

The two of you laughed, remembering how he came over to your place after Scott and his friends found Eddie scratching in profanities on the side of his car. He had a few bruises and a busted lip, but after you helped clean him up he was back to himself again. Even though he definitely wasn’t winning any fights any time soon, he would never let anyone talk about you the way that Scott did.

As the movie played on through the night, the two of you moved closer and closer to each other. It wasn’t anything out of the norm, if a movie was too scary you would be tangled in each other’s arms, hiding your faces from the screen, but this time he was just holding you. His arm still wrapped around your shoulder, your head laying on his chest, your legs laying to the side as one was draped over his.

It was almost finished, and though it was scary for you, Eddie kept his promise and made you feel safe.

Throughout most of the movie, the two of you were smoking joint after joking from the little stash you rolled. You sat up, eyes still on the TV screen, and felt around in the jar finding only one left.

“Last one. You want me to roll more?”

His eyes were glued to your soft lips as you lit the joint between them,

“Nah we’ll be fine for now. We can always make more later, let’s just do this one slowly,” he sat up facing you, arms propped up behind him, and you had to admit he looked pretty cute. Still no shirt, so you could see his happy trail, your eyes following it all the way to the waistband of his sweats, your mind wandering to places you would only think about alone in your bedroom, “try to make this one last longer than the other ones.”

You passed it to him, your eyes moving back up to his lips as he took a long drag, he tilted his head back as he exhaled, long hair flowing behind him.

As your mind wandered, your intimate thoughts gave you the perfect idea to try and make your joint last,

“I know how to make it last, but i don’t know if you’re up for it.” You could feel your cheeks start to warm up just thinking about it.

“If i can handle defeating dragons and shit i’m sure i can handle whatever it is.”

“You realize none of that stuff is real right?” You giggled to yourself as you crossed your legs on his bed, moving closer to him, “You ever shotgunned?” You said with a little smile, stealing the joint back from between his fingers.

“Shotgun? Like a beer?” He looked at you a bit confused, apparently the concept was foreign to him.

“No, not like a beer, that’s different.” you giggled to yourself, “When you shotgun a joint, one person hits it and they blow the smoke into the other persons mouth so they both get the hit.”

His brow furrowed as he tried to imagine it, making you giggle again, relighting the joint.

“Here, i’ll show you,” you took a hit and with your other hand you gently grabbed Eddie’s chin, moving yourself closer, your lips nearly touching as you exhaled and blew the smoke to his lips, smiling a bit as you pulled away, “like that.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the state he was in. Eyes closed, cheeks red, and his lips curled into a shy smile as he exhaled.

“Wow… Where’d you learn how to do that?”

“Some guy i used to hang around with,” you took a hit for yourself, “I used to make out with him for free weed but now i get it all from being around you.”

He laughed, sounding a bit nervous,

“Do uh…. Do you wanna do it again?” You could see his cheeks were still pink from before. It was weird to see him this nervous in front of you, but nonetheless it was cute.

You smiled as you nodded to him, taking another hit. His hand moving behind your neck to bring you closer as you blew the smoke to his lips again. The two of you stayed close for a few moments, the smoke going back to your lips as he exhaled, your eyes opening and staring into one another’s for what felt like forever. You could tell your cheeks were bright red as his eyes looked down to your lips.

Your nerves quickly made you turn away and look back at the TV screen, the credits started rolling.

“Movies over.” You tried to get the thought of Eddie’s lips out of your mind by changing the subject, moving his hand from the back of your neck, resting the joint on the ashtray on his nightstand to go and search for another movie. You kneeled down onto his floor, sitting on your legs, “Your turn to pick something.”

Once again, he couldn’t help himself from staring at your ass as you were kneeled down, looking through the stacks of tapes again. His heart picking up the pace as you leaned forward, your shirt lifting up a bit, exposing the lace of your panties above the waistband of the borrowed sweatpants. He stayed silent again, his cheeks getting redder as his thoughts wandered to what you looked like underneath the oversized clothes.

You groaned and rolled your eyes as he ignored you again, choosing a random tape and swapping it into the VCR.

“Fine, i guess i’ll just put on whatever this is…” you picked up the box, not paying attention to whichever one you grabbed before putting it on, and read the title, “Sleepaway Camp it is.”

You went back to his bed, tossing the box away and crawling to the spot you were laying in before. Eddie was still silent, watching the TV screen, lost in his own thoughts.

“You ok?” You leaned forward and gently placed your hand on his shoulder, “you’re acting really weird tonight.”

“Yeah…” He said back quietly, trying his absolute hardest to get his dirty thoughts of you out of his mind, snapping out of it for a moment, “yeah, i’m fine. Can i uh…” he trailed off again as he leaned forward to grab the joint resting on the ashtray and lit it again, “can i try doing that thing?”

Nodding and giving him a little smile, you moved forward to him, your legs laid out in front of you as you sat up close to him,

“Yeah try it, it’s fun.” You bit your lip as they were still curled into a smile.

You watched his lips as they wrapped around the joint, taking a deep hit before he placed it back onto the ashtray and moved closer to you, his hand going back behind your neck to bring you closer to him.

You leaned up towards him as he moved closer, his fingers tangled in your hair as he blew the smoke to your lips. You were closer than before, feeling your noses gently brush against each other as you exhaled.

Eddie stayed there, his hand still behind your neck, looking deeply into your eyes as he opened his, his cheeks bright red just from the feeling of your lips almost touching.

You bit your lip again, your arms slowly moving to wrap around his shoulders, his other hand trailing to your waist to carefully bring your body closer to his.

The two of you had never been this close before. Sure, he’d sometimes wrap his arms around you during a scary movie, or you’d wake up after staying the night with your head on his chest, but the feeling of your lips being so close made you shiver… The movie was still playing in the background but all you could hear was your heartbeat, going faster and faster as Eddie moved his thumb gently on your side where he held you. He broke the silence,

“Can i?”

You nodded and Eddie closed the space between you. His lips were soft and gentle, and the kiss was quick, but you couldn’t help yourselves from stopping.

His arm moving around your waist to bring you into his lap as your lips kept moving, getting more intense as he set you in his lap, gently sucking your bottom lip to ask for entrance. His tongue slowly slipped between your lips, tasting yours.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been making out on his bed for, but it just felt so right. When he was kissing you he was sweet, gentle, like you were made of glass and he was trying his best not to break you.

You slipped one of your hands down to his chest and gently pushed him back, needing a break to finally breathe after god knows how long the two of you were glued together.

As you sat in his lap catching your breath his lips were still on you, moving from your lips, to your cheek, and trailing softly down your neck to your shoulder. His hair tickling your neck made you giggle, and he sat up to look at you once more after placing one last soft kiss on your neck.

“Where did that come from?” You said with a chuckle, your thumb gently brushing his cheek.

He let out a deep break and his arms snaked around your back, hugging your waist closer to him, his chest touching yours,

“Oh god, you have no idea. I’ve been waiting for that since i met you…”

Your eyes looked deeply into his,

“How come you never said anything?”

“I don’t know…” His eyes seemed like they were completely lost in yours, “nerves i guess. I didn’t want to do anything to scare you away from me. I’m sure you can tell that not many girls are into me the way you are.”

You giggled and gave him a peck on the lips, “I guess i’m more into you than you thought.”

“Well why didn’t you say anything hm?” He laughed, arms holding you tightly to him, “Cause you were getting pretty frisky a minute ago.”

“I didn’t know if you felt the same…” Your cheeks burning, even after making out on his bed you were still so nervous to reveal your feelings, “same reason i suppose, i just didn’t want to make things weird between us. I didn’t want to risk losing my best friend AND the guy i had a huge crush on.”

He laid down on his bed, pulling you on top of him as he did, arms still around his neck and his hands moved behind your thighs as you straddled his waist.

“Trust me sweetheart, i’m not going anywhere.”

_______________________________________________

If you’d like to read more of my work, make sure to check out my masterlist 🥰

[serendipity-writes]

The One Where Hopper's Office Definitely Doesn't Catch Fire

Written for Harringrove Week July 2022! Prompt: last day of summer camp

Fics for this event: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Rated Gen, 2.3k

Summary:

“Hey, Harrington!” a new but familiar voice booms. “Enjoying being president of the Geek Squad, I see.”

Yeah, Steve might miss the kids, but he’s not going to miss this.

read on ao3

--

The last day of camp is always bittersweet.

Granted, there are sessions that are more sweet than bitter (the one at the beginning of the summer, with Troy and James, comes to mind), but this was actually a good one. Steve got real lucky with his group these last two weeks; everyone got along with everyone else. Of course, he had high hopes as soon as Jonathan told him his and Nancy’s little brothers were going to be in Steve’s cabin, which he somehow knew before the official assignments were released. Steve suspects he may have edited the list himself, off the books, but he’s not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth because the boys were great. And they got awesome cabin mates, too. Dustin and Lucas were down for anything Steve threw at them, and by the end of the two weeks, the four boys were fast friends. Dustin in particular wormed his way right into Steve’s heart, the little shit. He still isn’t sure how the kid pulled it off.

“Oh, that’s my mom!” the camper in question says, shading his eyes against the sun and squinting at the cars pulling in to pick up their kids. He turns quickly, curly hair bobbing with the movement, and throws his arms around Steve’s torso. Steve lets out a startled “oof” but hugs Dustin back.

“Alright, kiddo, it was awesome to have you here but it’s time to go,” Steve says, attempting to ruffle Dustin’s hair before he ducks away. Damnit, unsuccessful again.

“Have fun!” Dustin calls as he runs to his mom’s car.

“Be safe!” Steve shouts back, waving at the car until it pulls out of the parking lot.

He feels a presence at his shoulder before he even turns around, but he knows exactly who it is. He and Nancy, as the current longest serving counselors at Hawkins Summer Camp besides Tommy and Carol, have forged a bond few can match. They’ve just about managed to convince the rest of the counselors that it includes telepathy.

“Last one?” Nancy asks.

“Yep,” Steve replies, popping the “p” obnoxiously. “Now the real work can begin.”

They stare at each other for a moment before Nancy turns and dashes up the hill behind them, leaving Steve in the dust.

“No fair!” Steve yells, sprinting behind her. “That’s a head start and you know it, Wheeler!”

“Not my fault you were too slow to catch on!” She laughs as she says it, and soon Steve’s laughing too, struggling to continue moving even though his cabin’s literally a few steps away. He sees Nancy disappearing into hers just as he’s stepping through his door. Hah. She may be smarter by miles, but he’s still faster.

Besides, he’s got the next part down to a science. Because it’s a sleepaway camp and the counselors are paid to be there literally all summer, it’s their responsibility to get the cabins cleaned up and ready in the few days between sessions. This is a little different, since it’s the last session of the summer, but it starts the same. Steve’s been doing this long enough to be able to strip four twin beds in just over thirty seconds. (Robin timed him once. It was a race between him, Nancy, and Jonathan. Steve won by a landslide.) And, unlike Nancy, who actually has a laundry hamper that she uses to tote clothes back and forth from the main cabin, Steve just piles everything inside one of the fitted bedsheets and runs.

By the time Nancy skids into the laundry room, panting and determined, Steve’s leaning back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest to disguise how he’s still breathing heavily himself. All four washing machines are currently occupied by roughly equal portions of sheets and pillowcases. That was the first lesson Steve learned as a counselor: the machines break if you try to wash two sets of sheets at once.

“Damnit,” Nancy mutters, then louder, “God damn you, Steve Harrington!”

He just chuckles, and she shakes her head as she smiles. There was a time when Steve would have been scared half to death hearing those words out of Nancy’s mouth, but it’s long past.

Just then, footsteps echo from down the hall, heralding the approach of none other than Robin. “Steve, my man!” she says as she walks right past Nancy to give Steve a bro hug, knocking their fists together in what could almost be considered a fist bump.

“Robin, my dude!” he answers, returning the fist whack with more enthusiasm than is probably warranted. He tries to ruffle her hair but she skips out of his reach, wrapping her arm around Nancy’s waist with a smug grin. He’s now oh for two. Great.

“I feel betrayed,” Nancy complains, despite the fact that she’s now leaning fully into Robin’s side. “What does Steve have that I don’t?”

“Bro status,” he and Robin answer in synch. It’s enough to make Nancy laugh, and Steve’s heart fills with warmth at the beaming grin Robin’s sporting.

“So I see you got here first,” she says to Steve, gesturing vaguely toward the hamper of sheets that Nancy dropped on the floor at some point. “What’s the damage?”

“Well, nobody drew on the walls with Sharpie this time,” Steve muses, hand on his chin, “so it probably just needs a good sweeping and I’ll be home free.”

“My girls were wonderful,” Nancy brags, as though both Steve and Robin didn’t know that already. Steve and Nancy’s cabins always end up spending a lot of their free time together, since it’s the only time Steve gets to talk to Nancy (except when they all sneak out of their cabins in the middle of the night to light up with Jonathan). And in the last couple of years, Robin’s been joining them more and more often. Steve didn’t get to know her kids that well, but Nancy’s somehow integrated themselves into his cabin. It was great to see Jane and Max put the boys in their place, and hilarious when it came to Lucas bickering with his sister. Seriously, Steve could watch that shit all day. What was even better was the sheer multitude of arguments Erica won, despite being the younger sibling.

Robin plants a kiss on the top of Nancy’s head before pulling away gently. “I’ll go sweep your cabin for you, babe,” she says, and Nancy smiles gratefully. “Steve, you’re on your own.”

“Hey!” he shouts indignantly. “What does she have that I don’t?”

“Girlfriend privileges,” Nancy and Robin reply in unison. Steve gives Robin’s retreating back the finger as she leaves the room. After a moment, a pale hand comes back around the doorway, flipping Steve off.

Ah, the love shared between fellow counselors.

* * *

“I am going to miss those kids, though,” Nancy says, swirling her straw around her glass of lemonade.

They’re all sitting at one of the picnic tables in the pavilion, her, Robin, Steve, and Jonathan. It’s Jonathan’s fault they’re still there; on the last day of camp, the counselors are allowed to leave whenever they finish cleaning their cabins, but his sheets are still in the dryer and, for whatever reason, the four of them have established what essentially boils down to a suicide pact wherein none of them can leave until everyone’s ready to go. Steve has never benefitted from this clause in the Camp Counselor’s Guidebook, since he’s consistently one of the first people done, but he figures he can probably use it to cash in some favors down the line.

“Yeah,” Steve sighs. “I’m gonna miss the little brats too.”

“Ohoho!” Robin chuckles with far too much glee. “He called them ‘brats’! You must have really liked these ones. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you refer to a group of campers as anything other than ‘little shits’ or ‘motherfuckers’ since I started working here.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Steve says. “The only reason I didn’t is because I know Nancy and Jonathan would each kick my ass if I called their little brothers ‘motherfuckers.’”

“Damn straight,” Nancy says as though she isn’t currently melting into Robin’s side. Jonathan doesn’t have to say anything. They all remember, or at least have heard stories about, the time Tommy of all people had to pull them apart Steve’s second summer working at Hawkins. But that’s water under the bridge now.

“Hey, Harrington!” a new but familiar voice booms. “Enjoying being president of the Geek Squad, I see.”

Yeah, Steve might miss the kids, but he’s not going to miss this.

“Sure am, Billy,” he says, looking up at the chiseled fucking Adonis statue striding toward their table. “Why don’t you join? You could be the secretary, I’d love to have you working under me.”

Robin gags exaggeratedly next to him, which Steve supposes is fair, but Billy’s eyes light up. “Someone’s got some fire today!” he crows. “Speaking of which, what say you and I go set fire to Hopper’s office? You know, as a little goodbye present.”

Steve scoffs. “So you can implicate me in the resulting arson case? Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

“Dunno what all this ‘King Steve’ business was about,” Billy fires back. “You’re not much fun, you know that, Harrington?” He moves on before Steve has a chance to reply, turning to Nancy. “How was my shitbird sister, huh? She treat you nice?”

“Max was a pleasure to have in class,” Nancy says, her voice the kind of saccharine that makes Steve’s blood run cold. That’s her “I could drag you to hell and back” voice. Steve should know. He’s seen it happen.

But he loses track of that conversation, focus returning to Billy saying he isn’t fun. Something about the guy pushes his buttons. It’s almost like he’s doing it on purpose, just to Steve specifically, and has been since the beginning of the summer. If it were anyone else Steve would let it go, but he finds himself rising to his feet behind the table and leaning forward so he can stab a finger intimidatingly toward Billy’s face. “Hey, who was the first person to agree to your little night swimming adventure last session?”

“Tommy,” Billy says without missing a beat, smirking just a little.

“Okay.” Steve regains his footing quickly; he honestly shouldn’t be that surprised. “Who was the second person?”

“Heather.” Billy crosses his arms over his chest, smirk growing wider, and Steve falters a little.

“Fucking hell, really?” When Billy just nods, Steve narrows his eyes at him. “Alright, but I came.”

“I’m sure you did, pretty boy.” Billy winks and Steve feels himself flush all the way down his neck. Fuck. It’s not as fun when the jokes are being made at his expense.

Their eyes remain locked for a few more seconds, Billy’s eyebrow raised in a challenge while Steve calculates just how likely it is he’ll actually get murdered if he jumps the table and punches him in the nose. Then a throat clears to Steve’s left, and he remembers they’re not alone.

“I hate to interrupt this weird-as-fuck mating ritual,” Robin starts, and the faintest spots of color bloom high on Billy’s cheeks. Huh. “But Jonathan, I think your laundry is ready.”

“I’ll come help you with it,” Nancy rushes out, practically vaulting over the bench she was sitting on. Steve watches the three of them traipse down to the main cabin before turning back to Billy.

“Well, guess that’s my cue,” he says, straightening up slowly and stretching his arms over his head. He thinks, for a moment, that Billy’s eyes drift to his stomach when his shirt rides up, but before Steve can even hope to confirm, Billy’s got that easy, infuriating grin back on his face.

“Are you sure you don’t want to give this place a proper sendoff? We could put one of the canoes on the lake and shoot flaming arrows at it, Viking-funeral style.”

The scary thing about that idea is that they could absolutely do it. The canoes are right down by the beach, and the archery equipment is locked away for the summer but Steve knows where the key is. Tie a little cloth to the arrowhead, dip it in the bottle of whiskey Steve definitely hasn’t had stashed in his bag all summer, and boom! Weapon of questionable legality. It’s so easy to imagine, actually.

The scarier thing is that, for a moment, Steve seriously considers it.

But something on his face must read as a rebuff, because Billy shrugs and says, “Your loss,” like Jonathan did when Steve refused to try the new strain of weed he’d gotten his hands on. Steve rolls his eyes at that, reminding himself that he absolutely hates Billy and does not want to spend any more time with him.

“Enjoy your last few days of summer,” Billy says, clapping him on the shoulder as he walks past. It sounds like a threat, distracting enough that Steve almost doesn’t feel the slight pressure against his back pocket. He whirls around, fully prepared to curse Billy out, but he’s already yards away, whistling through his teeth with his hands shoved into his own pockets. Steve watches him go, hand drifting absently to the pocket Billy just violated. He’s not sure what the point of it was until his fingers close around a scrap of paper. When he pulls it out, he has to admit he’s surprised by what’s on it. There, in clear, neat print, reads 317-555-0806. There’s no name. Steve is pretty sure Billy knows he won’t need one.

“What did he say to you?” a voice asks at his shoulder, and he jumps, startled by Robin and her unusually silent approach.

“Nothing,” he says, hurriedly stuffing the paper into his other pocket. “Just, uh, just goodbye.”

Robin hums, looking unconvinced, but she doesn’t comment. They watch as a blue Camaro peels out of the now sparse parking lot, engine revving obnoxiously as it goes. Steve rubs the paper in his pocket between his fingers. There’s no way in hell he’s going to call that number. In fact, he’s going to throw it away as soon as he gets home. Yup, it’s going straight in the trash. End of story.

(Steve does not throw it away.)

[cloudbattrolls]

Take the Hook

Jastes Verdan | Safehive, Outskirts of Civitrecce | Present Night

They’d all had to flee the city that night with little more than their clothes and the contents of their sylladexes. Disguises in place, the resistance had all walked, drove, or took public transport to get to their safehive just outside Civitrecce’s suburbs. They’d all taken pains to not be followed there, or to eliminate anything or anyone that tried. 

They could only assume by the lack of imperial response upon their arrivals that they’d succeeded. 

The safehive wasn’t much; it couldn’t be, to avoid attracting attention. In theory - and in most ways - it was a run-down warehouse for a courier business that had seen better nights. Various species of bugs and rodents nested in its roof and under the floorboards of the worn-down porch, and there were few streetlights that remained unbroken in the edges of what could barely be called a neighborhood. 

The place usually reeked from garbage that stewed in the hot sun during the day; droid services only visited once a week. Otherwise it might smell faintly of whatever the food processing plant a mile or so off was handling that night.

Not many trolls lived around here anymore; most had moved closer in, taking advantage of Civitrecce’s public transport lines and droid services at the cost of its endless surveillance and data harvesting.

When Jastes had met them there, after he’d stopped Process and stabilized the city’s power after the outage he’d caused, the missing faces among the resistance had been expected.

But it hadn’t hurt any less.

Now he lay on a bed with frayed and stained sopor-infused sheets, taped over in several places to stop the green substance from leaking out. He stared at the ceiling, dotted with a few spiderwebs here and there.

None of them blamed him. He almost wished they did, even though it wasn’t his fault. How could he have known?

How could any of them have known that the city’s guardian was a twisted disappointment? 

Jamie hunting him had been obnoxious, but he was a highblood. That was their nature.

Process…Process should have been better.

He supposed it went to show no AI could truly have the ethics or feelings of a real person, no matter how complex it was. Troll morality couldn’t be replicated. A machine couldn’t be expected to understand something beyond its capabilities; it had no stake in the feelings of others or how they suffered.

So why did he still feel let down?

He shook his head, annoyed at himself. He was old enough to know better. 

“Jas?” Called Abbeth from past his respiteblock’s closed door, his younger castemate sounding unsure as the faint scent of cooking beef reached the cyborg. “Are you gonna come to dinner?”

“In a few minutes.” He said, trying to sound reassuring. “I have to wash my hands, I’ll be right there.”

He had to move on from this. He had to boost the group’s morale again somehow, as well as his own, if he was being honest. It was a miracle they’d stayed loyal to him after having to flee their homes, and he wasn’t going to make them regret it.

He got up, stretching his lean limbs, and cracking his neck. Maybe he should cut his hair shorter; he didn’t want to get lice while he was here, though they’d already been careful to set up bug traps and repellent inside.

The yellowblood grimaced at the thought as he went and washed his hands, noting that they needed more lemon-scented soap. 

He liked his tight curls. Other trolls had told him he had beautiful hair, and while he was hardly one to fuss over his appearance, it was nice to hear compliments sometimes.

He walked out into…confetti?

“Surprise!”

“Hm?” He said, blinking as confetti was thrown over him and he saw a small pile of wrapped presents next to a broken stereo. He blinked, confused.

“Did you forget your own hatch night?” Said Xineck, shaking his head. “Fucking typical.”

Jastes paused. 

“Maybe.”

“Dumbass.”

He smiled a little and shrugged, palms raised and open in a gesture of concession.

Edri smiled back at him, the brownblood serving out the beef onto plates. The portions weren’t large, but they were enough. She’d made peppers and zucchini as well, and poured everyone juice.

Jastes went to sit down, pulling out one of the old chairs. It creaked a bit as he did so; yet another thing that needed to be replaced down here, but it was lower on the list than the structural repairs. It would still hold him; he hardly weighed much, even with tech.

Still, he took care to sit down gently, and began eating with a word of thanks and a smile, savoring his first bite to really soak in the flavor of the beef and its rich sauce before going to the zucchini. 

Eventually, once he had gotten a decent way through his meal, he spoke, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention. He didn’t have to speak up as much as he used to to make sure all of the resistance heard him…he tried not to let his bloodpusher sink at the thought. 

“So…I’ve told you all about Process’s intel. We all know their word is dubious at best, but this is worth investigating. The Spine itself, though it’s currently being studied and dismantled, is also worth investigating. Modern helm generators are so little like it. I haven’t been back since I defeated them, since Latrai’s team is down there…but apparently that’s how to find this system that’s supposedly even deeper underground.”

Edri shook her head as she tried and failed to get another slice of vegetable onto her fork. 

“A rogue security system still sounds silly to me. Robots and drones can go berserk sometimes, if there’s flaws in their code or they’re hacked, but a whole system? Those don’t tend to be able to think. That would take so much processing power. How would someone have not noticed by now, even if it’s hidden away?”

Jastes shook his head. “Process said the guardian isn’t a normal system. Apparently it’s some synthesized hybrid of biotech and hard tech. I guess given my power - my ancestor’s power - that’s not really surprising.” He admitted, looking away from everyone’s faces. It was a bit silly, but…

…well, he’d had to tell the resistance what his power really was, after the blackout had happened. After he’d had to explain what he’d done. 

While they’d outwardly taken it well for the most part, he wasn’t dumb enough to think that everyone was fully comfortable with it.

He couldn’t blame them. It still stung anyway.

A quiet hung over the table as pink and green moonlight shone through the room’s windows, closed despite the heat. 

The resistance leader managed to look back at his people, making a brave attempt at a smile.

“I would never make anyone into anything.” He said softly. “Not unless they were willing. I don’t…you know I hate that kind of thing.”

He tried not to look at Xineck, hoping for support. The maroon shifted in his seat, then muttered something indistinct under his breath.

“He wouldn’t.” The lower-hued man said out loud, a little roughly, but honestly. “He’s never done shit to me, no matter what I said. Never even threatened it. He’s got other problems.” The raptor troll said dryly, and a few uncertain chuckles went around the table as Jastes sighed but figured that was the best he was going to get.

“So, if this is true…if this system exists, didn’t Process say it wasn’t finished?” Abbeth piped up hesitantly. “Is it going to be any good to us, then?”

“They still acted like it was a formidable threat.” Jastes answered calmly. “They’re hard to read, but they seemed genuinely worried about how the empire would respond to it, if their body language was any gauge. I don’t know if we can use it ourselves, but maybe we can strip it for parts and materials if that doesn’t pan out. Having things to sell that can’t be traced would be a huge help on its own.”

A steady murmur of agreement went around the table. Jastes himself was trained as a mechanic, and he wasn’t the only one who had experience handling and selling technology and its raw materials. 

“What exactly would we do with it, even if we could control it?” Asked a voice crisply. 

It was Uthern, another maroon man, but utterly unlike Xineck; he had been raised as a highblood attendant, and was very formal. Jastes had been surprised he’d turned against his supervisors when he had such a cushy position for his caste. Uthern had told him, very evenly, that his position hadn’t done a thing when he’d tried to protect his moirail from being given a so-called mercy cull when she’d gotten sick and had to miss work for a week. 

Just another brownblood, one of low psiionic power, considered disposable. There were always more, the highbloods said. No one ever lacked for lowbloods, especially ones who weren’t valuable psions.

“Protect ourselves.” Said Jastes, slightly incredulous. “Protect other lowbloods. Imagine if we could use something like that, Uthern. We’d actually have some bargaining power.”

The maroon shook his head. “Not for long. We’ve survived because we don’t fight directly, Jastes, you’ve said it yourself. Sabotage, infiltration, blackmail. That’s how we make a difference.” 

“I did all of that, and Abnale still nearly caught me. I did all of that and Process still tried to hijack my body.” He gripped his fork tightly, knuckles whitening slightly. 

“Don’t you go back and talk to both of them?” asked Uthern dryly. “You don’t seem all that concerned, Jastes, if I might say.”

“For intel.” Jastes said tightly, voice very deliberately kept from rising. “Do you think it’s because I like or trust them? That I’ve forgiven them for what they did? That I don’t still go to sleep and dream that Process is trying to get into my head again, that Abnale is hunting me across the city? I had to tear myself open. I had to remake my own brain.” 

The yellowblood clutched the fork so hard it cut into his hands, a few drops of dark yellow blood dripping out and onto the old plastic table. The other resistance who hadn’t spoken looked away, or looked at him briefly, unwilling to break the awkward silence.

“Shut it.” Cut in Xineck, looking at Uthern mutinously. “You want Jas going to pieces in front of us all? That what you fucking want? Trying to see if the cyborg still has feelings? Of course he fucking does, you prick. What are you getting at? Just talk straight.”

Uthern looked awkward for a moment, then shook his head in irritation, smoothing back his hair. Xineck did the same thing to mock him, his own far scruffier than the taller man’s, who somehow still had product with him. The maroon ignored his castemate’s antics and looked at the yellowblood again.

“I just think it’s a little…strange, how much time you spend as an AI, speaking to the people who tried to kill and catch you. Surely you don’t have to actually talk to them, Jastes?” He said, threading his fingers together, plate abandoned entirely. “You could just watch. We almost never engage, that’s our way. That’s how we stay safe.”

Jastes was silent. 

“We aren’t safe, Uthern.” He said after a few moments, voice cracking a little. “Look at the ones who didn’t make it, and we’ll never know why. Dead. Caught and helmed. Just plain decided they didn’t want to do it anymore. Could be any of those. We’ve never been safe, especially not now. I just…I don’t want to lose any more of you. No matter what it takes. No matter who I have to talk to, or what I have to be.”

Yellow tears gathered in the corners of the cyborg’s eyes, and he didn’t bother trying to hide them. He couldn’t find it in him to act strong right now. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Abbeth got up from his chair and walked over to his castemate, reaching his small six sweep old’s arms out to hug the other lowblood. Jastes leaned into the embrace, too done to care that a child had to comfort him, something he’d normally be embarrassed by. But right now being held felt like the best thing in the world, as he wiped his lightly bleeding hand off on his shirt and took deep, shuddering breaths.

“You happy?” Said Xineck after a short pause. “You proud of yourself, Uthern? Get the fuck out of my sight, I’m not as patient as Jas.” A switchblade appeared in the six-horned man’s hand and flicked out, the silvery metal gleaming. 

“You can’t order me around.” Replied the other troll tightly.

“Stop it.” Said Jastes quietly, still holding onto Abbeth. “I know we’re all stressed. We’re all angry, or upset, or sad. But we can’t fight each other. I need all of you to help me prepare before I go find this security artifice, or guardian - whatever it is. That’s my big hatch night present, okay? The presents are a nice bonus.”

He let Abbeth go and managed a watery smile as Xineck snorted softly and a few other trolls chuckled, Edri among them. 

“If you boys are done fighting while the rest of dinner gets cold, I can bring out dessert.” Said the brownblood woman dryly, standing up with her arms crossed.

“Yes, Edri.” Sighed Uthern. Xineck rolled his eyes but didn’t object, essentially equaling an affirmative as he put his switchblade away. The bronze shook her head in amusement and walked back into the kitchen. 

Abbeth sat down again, a hand on his chair as usual to help guide him given his lack of one eye.

Jastes swallowed, steadied himself. He could do this. He would do this.

“Let’s enjoy dessert, no shop talk.” He said to everyone, as lightly as he could. “Then we can brainstorm while I unwrap presents. I don’t know exactly what I’ll be walking into, but whatever it is, I know I’ll be prepared.”

Some smiles, even if a few were unsteady. A few nods. 

It was something.

He’d take it. He’d make it worth their while.

Whatever was down below the Spine, he was going to bring it back and make it work to their advantage. 

No matter what he had to do to make that happen.