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#gotta get better at making myself do things

just-a-ghost00 · 2 days

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You got mail 💌

Let’s find out what the person on your mind has to say to you. Pick one of the following emojis and discover your reading.

🌍 🩵 🌄 🤠

Group 1 🌍

I may not show it to you but I am really happy we met. Everyday with you feels like a new adventure. Though we are worlds apart and so different from each other, I really feel like we match perfectly. You make me feel like I belong. Every moment spent with you is so much fun. It makes me want to jump forward and explore. You are so sweet and generous, so playful that I can’t help but to play along. I feel so lucky being with you. There is so much I want to do with you. I want to hang out with you and get to know you more. Maybe we could have a couple drinks, play in a park, have a little date by the river… if you wish. I feel so boring compared to you. With me, everything is always black and white. But you, my love, are so colorful and bright. I wish we were a family. I wish I could wake up in the morning to find you sitting at the table, eating breakfast with a smile on your face. I wish I could share with you my favorite spots and take you to every place I get to see. I wish I could find a way to express all that you mean to me. I tend to see the glass half empty. But when I’m with you I want to believe everything is possible. You have filled my cup with your love and I am so thankful for that. I can’t find the words to tell you how much I owe to you. You’ve made me a better person and I feel like I could never return the favor.

Group 2 🩵

I may look like all is well and fine but to tell you the truth I feel hollow. And I could use some fun. I always seem so busy, always the life of the party, making everybody laugh and ensuring they have a good time. But deep inside, it’s getting tough. As the days go by, I feel my energy depleting and my motivation as well. I don’t even know why I do this anymore. I force myself for the sake of keeping appearances but honestly I’m not sure I like it at all. I’m afraid that if you dig deep enough, you wouldn’t like what you find there. I am much more fragile than I seem. Also much more mellow and soft when I get the chance. But lately I’m more of a zombie than anything. I don’t think I could bring you much joy nor comfort. I’m afraid I’ve turned bitter. It’s all about work and making sure the money gets in and less about enjoying what I’m doing. I need to pay the bills. There’s competition around. I can’t afford to lose. Everyone’s counting on me. People look up to me. I sacrificed a lot to get there. I can’t back down now. Who would I be if I did? I can’t disappoint. It’s all a masquerade but it’s for a cause. It might not look great to you but it means a lot to me. So, sorry if I’m acting cold but… it’s all for you baby. Don’t go thinking I found someone better. Believe me I don’t have the time for that.

Group 3 🌄

Hold on a minute ! I know what you’re gonna think. What the heck is he/she saying? But hey, let me explain you’ll get it ! I may not be the strongest, the wisest or the most impressive of them all but one thing that’s sure about me is that I only have good intentions for you. I am ready to fight for you if that must be done. Thought I’m not good at that. Listen, my point is I really like you. I want to be with you, have fun with you, chat with you. I want us to take our time and get to know each other and hopefully to grow old together but that’s another story. With you I feel like a kid again. Sometimes, I gotta say, the feeling can be irritating. But at the same time it is freeing. I don’t have to chose a side. I don’t have to act a certain way to be accepted by you or understood. And that’s crazy! I’ve never experienced that before. Usually I would try to conform and play nice, show my best side and stick to the plan. But ever since I met you I want to free myself of those restraints. I want to find my home. I want to express my full potential without fearing being rejected or not belonging. I know you’ll never kick me out. Because you are the same aren’t you? The things I’ve seen, what I’ve been through, you’ve been there as well, right? I want to make a promise to you. Whatever comes our way, I swear I won’t run away. Even though it is scary and seems impossible, I will always work hard and do my best to make it. I may not be exactly your type or what you imagined a partner should be, but I am willing to learn. I am willing to tune to your melody and shelter whatever we may build together, not matter how unstable it may seem. I want you to feel comfortable with me. I want you to feel as safe with me as I feel with you. So if you’ll let me, let me fulfill that promise. You won’t regret it.

Group 4 🤠

To be honest, at first I didn’t get the best of vibes from you. I was a little intimidated and didn’t want to get to know you. Especially considering what people were saying about you. But I tried to see past your exterior and once I got to know you I found out that you were very chill. Maybe it was because I didn’t know you. Maybe I feared the unknown territory you represented. Maybe I was just afraid of going deep. But curiosity got the best of me. And luckily for both of us I stayed around long enough to make my own opinion. And I have to say that you are quite surprising. I won’t lie, being with you asks a lot of efforts on my part. But every second spent with you is worth it. In your presence, I feel comfortable. Being with you reminds me of my childhood. I think of my mother and my family, of the days we spent together before I moved away and followed the wind where it took me. Every page of our story takes me deeper within. I see sides of myself I never noticed or didn’t want to remember. I remember the innocent days where doing something new weren’t as terrifying and meeting new people sounded like a thrill. Being with you I feel blessed and content. There’s a light heartedness and a warmth in my heart I wouldn’t trade for anything. When I’m alone at home you’re all I think about. When I’m at work also. There isn’t a single moment when you’re not on my mind. When I’m with you I feel hopeful. I think that maybe life isn’t as tough as I thought it would be. That maybe there is more waiting for me. Please, show me more of your different sides. Tell me more about what makes you happy. Let me in and let me see for myself what you are made of. I’m begging you don’t shut me out. I want more of you.

#just-a-ghost #pick a card #pac reading #spiritual pac #love pac

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mysteryshoptls · 60 minutes

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SSR Ace Trappola - Room Relaxation Vignette

"Happy Birthday"

[Exterior Hallway]

Ace: Well, it's gettin' about time. Guess I'll head to basketball practice… Hm? Who's that over there…?

Ace: Yo, Kalim-senpai! How's it going? Hey, hey, do you know what tomorrow is?

Kalim: Tomorrow? Hm, what's going on tomorrow…? Is there a dance competition? Oh, or is there some sort of feast planned?

Ace: Ooh, you're getting' close! The correct answer is… My birthday～!

Kalim: Woah! Tomorrow's your birthday!? That's awesome!!

Ace: Yeah, it's totally awesome! There's gonna be a party back at my dorm, and everyone'll get me a gift. It'll be a blast!

Ace: But, y'know, the crazier the party, the more lonely it feels the day after my birthday…

Ace: I always feel like it'd be great if these sorts of days come around two or three times more a year.

Ace: …Don'tcha think, Kalim-senpai?

Kalim: Oh, yeah, I feel you! It just doesn't feel enough to only have one birthday a year.

Kalim: Hey, I just had a great idea! I'll throw you another party the day after your birthday.

Kalim: That way you won't feel as lonely, right? It sounds super fun, so let me do this for you!

Ace: Ehhhh, you sure!? I'm tickled pink! Kalim-senpai, thanks so much!

Kalim: Yeah! I'll make it the best, most outrageous party you've ever seen, so I hope you look forward to it!

[Kalim leaves]

Ace: Nice, I got Kalim-senpai to celebrate my birthday! And he's making it an outrageously awesome party…

Ace: That might get a veto from Jamil-senpai, though…

Ace: But regardless, I at least secured a promise from Kalim-senpai for a celebration. I can't way for the day after tomorrow～!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

Ace: Huuurgh, today's basketball practice was insanely hard… Floyd-senpai just wouldn't quit guarding me!

Ace: Usually he just gets bored and disappears off to who knows where… Ugh, I'm so tired～ I just wanna pass out…

Ace: My roommates sure got it easy. Doesn't sound like they got any upperclassmen that cause problems or nag all the time…

Ace: …Augh, I'm definitely gonna fall asleep if I just keep zoning out. I'm gonna go jump in the shower.

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

[roommates chatting]

[Roommate A greets Ace]

Ace: I'm baaack. Why did I take so long…? Y'see, Trey-senpai cornered me while I was brushing my teeth in the washroom.

Ace: He made me re-brush my teeth, and then handed me some floss and mouthwash. Then…

「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」

Ace: Right, so he handed me this survey to fill out too. Ugh, it's short answers! Better if it was multiple choice or something.

Ace: Hey, can't any of you guys fill this out for me? I'm real tired from practice today, 'cause it was reeeal hard.

[Deuce refuses]

Ace: …Do it myself without tryin' to slack off? Fine, fine, guess that's what I shoulda expected from you honor student types. You're takin' it waaay too seriously!

Ace: Maybe I'll just jot down that it sucks to be stuck in a room with guys I don't vibe with, or something.

[Deuce argues]

Ace: …Oh, shut up, I was just kidding. Whatever, I guess I'll just start filling in the form.

Ace: First off… The dorm rooms are way too small! That's the worst thing, so I definitely can't leave that out.

Ace: Sure, we can ask each other to swap dorm duties, or help each other when we can't remember a specific Queen of Hearts' rule…

Ace: So I guess it's not the end of the world that there's four of us in here. But it'd be better if the room was just a bit bigger.

Ace: It's practically impossible to study in here. Sometimes someone else's stuff'll end up in my personal space, too.

[Roommate B speaks up]

Ace: …Huh? Pot, meet kettle? No way, I'm always tiding up after myself…

[Roommate B interjects]

Ace: Eh, you found my pen mixed in with your stuff the other day? Uhhhh…. Oh, dang, look at that, it's lights out time!

Ace: I gotta hit the hay! Mmkay, night!

Ace: Aaand, that's the way to shut them out! This is why I love canopy beds.

Ace: As soon as I draw the curtains closed, I can have secure myself a small, little private space…

Ace: The thicker curtains help to keep light and sound down, so even if I'm playing with my phone all night long, it's not bothering anyone else.

Ace: When I think of it that way, I think the only thing I really have to complain about my room is just that it's small.

Ace: …But once I step outside my room, I gotta deal with strange rules, scary upperclassmen, and insanely hard homework.

Ace: Oh, right, I have homework… I need to do that… But first, I think I'll take a bit of a breather and play on my phone for a bit!

Ace: Ooh, my middle school friends uploaded something onto Magicam. They look like they're havin' fun back in the Queendom.

Ace: I feel crazy jelly seeing that, especially since I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere on Sage's Island… Hm?

Ace: Wait, what's this video at the bottom…? Oh! It's an ad for the magic shop I was looking into the other day!

Ace: Woah, how'd they manage that trick? Yooo, I bet I'd look real cool if I could master that!

Ace: I really want that magic trick. Maybe I should ask for it for my birthday.

Ace: Oh, hey, that next manga chapter is out. I gotta check that out.

Ace: Oh, and there's an event going on in that one mobile game. Guess I can log in for that. Oh, and…

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

Ace: Urrrgh… Mm… It's too bright… Is it morning already? I guess I fell asleep playing the game.

Ace: What time is it…? Huh!? It's already this late!? Hey, why didn't anyone wake me up!?

Ace: Didn't my alarm wake me? You opened my curtain for me? …If you're gonna do that much, you coulda woken me up!

Ace: At least I don't have morning practice today… But I gotta get ready on the double!

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Washroom]

Ace: My face is washed and my skin-care routine is done.

Ace: Ack, my hair's all over the place! Ughh, c'mon, I hate how my hair is…!

Ace: Maybe I can just fix it with some wax… Oh, but I want to make sure I have time to fix my makeup…

Ace: I got no choice, I should just use magic to set it! I screwed it up last time, but… I can totally do it today! Definitely! Hyah!

[poof!]

Ace: AAAAAAAAHH!? IT GOT EVEN WORSE, THIS SUCKS!!

Ace: What can I even do about this now!? Okay, first, let me try this spray to fix the bedhead!!

[spritz, spritz, spritz]

Ace: Ack, did I spray too much? Okay, I should just be able to rub it in here with my fingers… Guess I'll just have to see how it looks later.

Ace: I gotta set my makeup while I wait for my hair to loosen up. First, I gotta slap on some sunscreen…

Ace: Now, my eyebrows are the priority. I can kinda let everything else be half-done, but this's gotta be on point.

Ace: Back in middle school, I remember we were all laughing our heads off at this one person who did a terrible job drawing in his eyebrows, tryin' to look all fashion-y.

Ace: …I mean, not like I'd ever or will ever make that kind of screw up, though.

Ace: I saw a video yesterday that says that thicker eyebrows are in right now, so I'll just try to follow that tutorial and draw in where it's lacking…

Ace: Okay, nice. Not bad! I think I did pretty good for just trying to copy what I saw.

Ace: Now all I got left is my eye makeup… What should I do for the suit? I'd like to use something with a bit of lamé in it, but…

Ace: I bet the Housewarden'll get all huffy if it's too fancy. Guess I should just do what I normally do.

Ace: How's my hair looking…? Nice, it's tamer now! Probably was a good thing to spray too much on it.

Ace: Just gotta put some hair wax in to set it… Done. Whew, I feel a bit more presentable now.

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Ace's Room]

[roommates chattering]

Ace: I gotta get my stuff together ASAP… Wait, huh? If the rest of you are all here, does that mean we still have a bunch of time?

Ace: Maan, then I coulda worked on my hair a bit more. I think I'll dip into the washroom again… Huh? My enigmatics homework?

Ace: …AAAAAAAAAH!! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT!!

Ace: Oh man, I'm so screwed, Crewel's gonna tan my hide if I don't do anything… What should I do!?

Ace: …Hold the phone. I have enigmatics in the afternoon. That essentially means I'll have my lunch break before I have to turn it in.

Ace: I think the other classes might be ahead of us, so maybe they've already finished the homework already?

Ace: Even if the questions are slightly different, as long as I can figure out how they solved it, I should be able to bang it out… Oh yeah, it's all coming together.

[Roommate A speaks up]

Ace: Wheeew, I got all worked up over nothing～ Mmkay, then I'm heading out… Huh, what is it? You want me to help with your homework?

Ace: Hahahah, no waaaay! Here, I'll open the curtains up for you, so why don't you figure out the rest～?

[Main Street]

Kalim: Oh, there he is. Ace! Good morning!

Ace: Ah, Kalim-senpai! Good morning…? What's up? Isn't the party tomorrow?

Kalim: Yeah! But your birthday's today, right? That's why I thought I'd come wish you a happy birthday in person.

Kalim: So, yeah… Happy Birthday, Ace!

Ace: Haha, you really are the type of guy to show up the day of just to wish someone a happy birthday, huh.

Ace: Thanks a bunch! I can't wait for the epic party tomorrow!

Requested by @thelonepearl.

#twisted wonderland #twst #ace trappola #kalim al-asim #twst ace #twst kalim #twst deuce #twst translation #twst birthday #mention: jamil #mention: floyd #mention: trey #mention: riddle #mention: crewel

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tellmegoodbye · 1 day

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Hello everyone,

Happy LONE STAR DAY!!

I have a few housekeeping things to talk about before I return to our usual Music Monday format, but I know we're all excited for tonight so I will try to keep this brief.

If you would like to check out our playlist for the countdown event you can find that here.

Since we are getting new episodes now, I thought it would be a cool idea for a new way to participate in the tag. If you have a song that you relate to the new episodes, share them with us!

Please continue to refer to this post for any new Music Monday info, or if you just need a refresher on how the tag works.

Here's a quick overview of what Music Monday is for those of you who are new here. You share your songs that you relate to the show, its characters, storylines, fanfics, etc. All songs are added to their respective playlists and your explanations are added to the docs I have created for each playlist.

Reminder: Make sure to either tag me in your posts OR you can use the 911ls music mondays tag so that I can find and reblog your contributions.

Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, onto my songs for the week!

---

Leave Out All The Rest - Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing You were so scared But no one would listen Cause no one else cared After my dreaming I woke with this fear What am I leaving When I'm done here?

Don't be afraid I've taken my beating I've shared what I've made I'm strong on the surface Not all the way through I've never been perfect But neither have you So, if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed And don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest

This song is a reflection on the way we live our lives and how we will be remembered when we're gone. When I think about these lyrics in the context of Lone Star, they could really apply to any character, but Gabriel is who specifically comes to my mind for this song.

To me, this is Gabriel's message to Carlos. He's spent a lot of time reflecting on his own mistakes and has struggled to express the love he has for his son, but he hopes that Carlos will remember him as someone who never stopped trying and who always strived to be better. He didn't always get it right, but he looks at Carlos and feels so much love and pride, and he wants Carlos to know that and to see that.

Zzyzx Rd. - Stone Sour

Propped up by lies and promises Saving my place as life forgets Maybe it's time I saw the world

I'm only here for a while But patience is not my style And I'm so tired that I gotta go

What am I supposed to hide now? What am I suppose to do? Did you really think I wouldn't see this through Tell me I should stick around for you Tell me I could have it all I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go

I'm over existing in limbo I'm over the myths and placebos I don't really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family I'm ready to die in obscurity 'Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go

This is a song written from the perspective of someone struggling with addiction. The narrator addresses his loved ones with a sort of brutal honesty about his feelings towards life, but it's also a song about love and support at the same time. It's about someone who is there for you even when you're in your worst moments and can't see a way out.

This song reminds me of TK and Owen in s1. Owen is ready to do whatever he has to do in order to help TK, and TK lets him in as much as he can, but these lyrics are also an realistic viewpoint on the state of his mental health in the aftermath of his suicide attempt. He knows Owen loves him and is there for him, but he still needs to find that healing outside of that support.

Impossible - Nothing But Thieves

Love, it stings and then it laughs At every beat of my battered heart A sudden jolt, a tender kiss I know I'm gonna die of this And that's because

I could drown myself in someone like you I could dive so deep I never come out I thought it was impossible But you make it possible

I'll take the smooth with the rough Feels so fucked up to be in love Another day, another night Stuck in my own head but you pull me out You pull me out

I really hit y'all with a couple angsty gems today, so I should probably round this post out with a more upbeat song. This song screams Tarlos to me, and reminds me of the early days of their relationship where everything is new and overwhelming, but it also just feels right at the same time. They've come to that realization that what they have is something special, and that they might have found their soulmate. Before they met, such a notion felt impossible to them.

@strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @bonheur-cafe @heartstringsduet @herefortarlos

Tags!

@eclectic-sassycoweyes @literateowl @carlos-tk @paperstorm @guardian-angle22

@ironheartwriter @emsprovisions @sapphic--kiwi @whatsintheboxmh @firstprince-history-huh

@nancys-braids @captain-gillian @alrightbuckaroo @theghostofashton @sweettkstrand

@toomanycupsoftea @corsage @certifiedflower @goldenskykaysani @reeeallygood

+ open tag

please tell me if you would like to be added/removed from my tag list

#har rambles #music monday #911ls music mondays #music tag

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whilomm · 4 months

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note: pollmaker is thinking of the USAmerican lottery system (powerball, mega millions, state lottos, scratchoffs, etc), but poll applies to other countries lotteries systems so long as its still the same concept of "big ol state sponsered gambling shit", but not like casino style gambling. u know what i mean, Lottos.

questions for the tags: how regularly, what stuff you play, if you have limits for yourself, if you feel like its a Problem for you, and for funsies the usual 'first thing youd do if you won the lottery' shit

reblog to have absolutely zero effect on your luck either way. just like, absolutely no change in luck whether you reblog this or scroll past. this is the luck neutral post reblog in the next 30 seconds or dont who give a shit

#buzzy #REMAKING BECAUSE I FORGOT THE FUCKING NO OPTION CHRIST im bad at this #do u ever spend so long thinking about every possible 'OP WHY DIDNT YOU MAKE AN OPTION FOR THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION'#that u forget the fucking 'no' optik #polls #poll #lottery #lotteries #the lottery #gambling #okay to repeat my personal answers: yes but i do only $3 per week and ONLY the texas lotto #i do my lucky numbers and i do a multi draw (does the next ten drawings w the same numbers) so that i dont gotta #pay attention to it for a couple of weeks #which makes it less of A Thing #so im not activelt rhinking about it as much #im ya kno impulsive and in the past it was 'ohh $5 per week and scratchoffs' but that meant too much of a #'oh but this week ill spend an extra $5 ive been good....'#and it was too easy for me to justify going overboard #i know 'not playing at all' is the better option but this scratches the itch just enough that i dont feel tempted to impulse buy scratchoffs #while also being p hands off so im not obsessing over it as much #ya kno?#yeah im consistently wasting money but it keeps me from IMPULSIVELY wasting EVEN MORE money #and it means i can keep lotto winning dreams jn the back of my mind #also first thing id do is go to doctors and find out wtf is wrong w me #well not the FIRST first. first first is probs getting myself a little treat like some dutch bros

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employee052 · 3 months

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this is your reminder to make ur cringy n self indulgent art bc cringe is dead and you gotta live life (I say, despite the fact i still feel a bit cringe but im being so brave abt it)

lettin myself post n do more art for myself so apologies for the more selfshippy art than usual

#artswin #tsp narrator #tspud narrator #selfship #oz rambles #in the tags oz rambles go brrrrr #been hyperfocused on the numbers for a while recently which is why ive been pretty low if uve seen sdkhf #but im starting to feel better so in an effort to let myself feel better im doin more self indulgent art #with these types of things i usually make myself as a generic gray human instead of my sona (or recently my sona fusion)#(the sona fusion has my white swoop but black irl hair)#but making this made me remember how much i love drawing myself with narry n i dont wanna get rid of that #i only made the generic gray human art just bc i wanted other ppl to insert themselves which i still wanna do #but at the same time *I GOTTA LET MYSELF BE CRINGE MAN THIS IS MY OLD GEEZER I CAN BE CRINGE FOR HIM*#anywho if yall havent seen my updated intros recently. i selfship with the narrator (specifically virgil) in a bff/qpr way #so it might look hella romantic and couply occasionally were just a couple of besties /pos #gonna tag it with a selfship name tho just so i can access my posts on it easier #n so if yall wanna block me n my cringe for any reason then feel free! /gen /nf #naroz #digitalmuse #(or smth idk ive seen ppl have pretty cool selfship names so i wanna try smth similar but who knows it could change) :P

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fisheito · 7 months

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i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong

my fave face here:

#technically... if they were boinking in outer space... a lot of these would be the same position #makes a rotate-y gesture with my fingers #what is yakumo's kabedon if not a vertical missionary #so i've half proven myself right AND wrong! i'm net neutral in outer space broskis!!!!!#zizz-asdf if ur reading these tags i'll have u know that u inspired me to Do the Research1 #like. 5 garu riding eiden? no. it can't be. does yaku do one specific thing with eiden 5 times? *tries to write it down*#i can't quite... what's the word for that position...uhhhh #ah forget it i'll just draw it out #<- that was the process of creating this. collage? 😆#THE MATRIX OF YAKUEI BOINKINg POSITIONS (under construction)#when u about to be semi-normal and make a spreadsheet but ur sexcabulary is stunted so you resort to visuals instead #legit opening up every intimacy room and skipping thru sections to get as complete a picture as possible #wondering... where are yaku's feet planted in this one. (skips to 8minute mark)#ah! there they are. theyre not supporting his weight in this one *draws it*#while drawing crimson phantom room 2 my brow was furrowed and i was mentally narrating #[and this one i affectionately call.. rectal exam - professional misconduct Grounds for Termination)]#surprised they str8 up havent done classicdoggstyle yet. is it because he's a snake? garu should teach him #also surprised that there's been no Light SSR for yaku yet. come on!! Light mode on the double!#uhhh i think the only repeated positions were freestanding (choco liqueur r2 and dark nova r2)#and standing AGAINST! THE! WALL! (choco liqueur r5 {interior} and shadow lineage r5 {cave})#wait. *throws papers around* i swear they did missionary more than once. was it only ocean breeze???#i know with the intimacy rooms they gotta modify the positions into certain angles to make it...look...better #but seriously? only one missionary out of the lot of them? despite the aesthetic tweaks??? how can that ........#*tosses more papers around with increasing befuddlement* WHERE IS MY PURE 100% VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM #sighs as all the papers lie scattered on the ground #dude... i don't know anymore..... this is beyond my scope #now that i see how evenly spread out the positions are...#i BET the devs have SOME SORTA CHART tracking yaku's positions. now THAT'S a funky office corkboard!#yakuei #nu carnival eiden

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batfossil-fr · 5 months

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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

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b4kuch1n · 1 year

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pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

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grocerystoreanxiety · 1 month

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I honestly I think I’m in my adult-age HW rn (can’t say abt like the years before when I wasn’t checking my weight but I was like a teen back then), but fuck, it’s 56.4kg today (bmi 21.5) and idk if my metabolism suddenly just stopped bc it feels like it did. I eat abt 1000-1200kcal and the weight moves nowhere (sometimes under 1000kcal, but I try to keep it above to avoid bingeing & muscle loss). It’s sure not that low of a limit, but honestly like that’s no one’s maintenance calories no matter how short & how little they’d move (and I’m 5”4 and try to at least get the 10k steps a day if nothing else). Yeah gotta be patient, been back at this just like 2 weeks after my stupid dumb month of ”i dont care” and sometimes it takes more time.

But it’s weird bc I was recovered for like a year before relapsing this spring, and even then I didn’t gain to this level, and it was a way longer time of eating than just a month and I was steadily 52-54kg the whole time. (I still dont know tho if I can count it as recovery time when I never rly stopped working out or counting my cals; I was just eating my maintenance calories pretty much, some days a little more, and I think I maybe just got into the orthorexia side for a year)

Also I know metabolism gets worse as you age and ppl say it’s around ur mid-20s but does that rly kick in suddenly in one fucking month???? I doubt it (Could be the stress, like I’m waking up to anxiety attacks etc, so it’s not low levels of that rn, and ik stress does a number on you)

Anyways, this is all to say that I’m fucking getting back to it istg like I feel so bad rn in my body. My fucking shorts I’ve worn just this summer aren’t fitting right like dude that’s insane, how did that happen over the course of like a month. No more of this ’’well im too tired to work out today’’ or ’’a liiittle bit of sugar wont kill me’’ garbage; back to all or nothing babeyyy (bad mindset but works the best for me)

#i was working out lots at one point tho so I keep wishing it’s muscle like I’ve got visible abs and shit like that #so there’s some muscle there #which is also why I try to keep it at highres & take the stupid creatine (dont want to get back to my sure yeah lw days but like 0 muscle #(I’ve been going to the gym for 2 years for these like I dont want to lose it all)#bc I honestly looked bad and kinda pathetic like girl could u do even one push up)#sorry for the rant omg #i just needed to get this ’’fuck i hate this & myself for letting myself get here’’-thing out of my head so I can move on from it like the #damage is done and no point in dwelling in it #and it’s manageable damage so if I course correct now it’s pretty much like nothing ever happened #but like if I keep dwelling & therefore hanging on the past I’ll just keep gaining and suddenly it’s so much worse like gotta just think #like ok this is where we are now and how we got here doesn’t matter #all that matters is to make better choices #better as in like mentally ill-logic better aka actually worse choices but whatevers #this too should stay as a draft but alas send post

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spectascopes · 2 months

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Oh my goddd art from 2016 of a fic that i hadn't even uploaded at the time that i'm. s. still writing here and there. in 2024... melvin giraffe meme "why are you skinny" @ frisk

#i mustve drawn this when i'd mentioned frisk n gaster but before actually introducing them #cause frisk is now Fat and gaster is taller than they are n chara is significantly taller than frisk too...#my inaccurate 2016 art... wow....#okay tbf lil tiny sans and papyrus are kinda cute haha #when i reread this fic i alwaysssss get hit w the desire to rewrite it/parts of it... most old fics actually #like oh i could do it better now #and i gotta stop myself like LEAVE IT ALONEEEEE just leave it alone bro #some months i reread my own fics n i'm like “wow theyre p good!” others I'm like “i should be euthanized like a dog for this”#so i cannot give into the sudden temptations or i will regret them #things i'd change? make chara weirder and meaner for character arc purposes. not too wild but yknow #if i had the energy i'd redraw it now to be accurate

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oh-cramity-its-amity · 2 months

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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!

#thank u blake. u really helped #also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise #it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little #anxious about things #i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to #decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together #and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me #so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world #we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it #people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do #i love my friends so much #evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness #like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be #okay?????#like #just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine #idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it #im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better #like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things #its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially #i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand #i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending #on how you look at it #so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow #some of you are like that #you may not know that #but that kindness means so much

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daz4i · 8 months

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i will say tho i'm p proud of myself for managing to be relatively non judgemental and mostly keeping my tendency to assume things abt strangers at a minimum. ik we all do that but i also know it's not the healthiest thing especially when it just makes me feel worse too, but i've been practicing it for years and i think i'm doing well at it. like even well enough that it's noticeable to other people and they point out how nice it is. i dunno i think it's cool i think it's a good thing abt me

#i work really really hard on being nice and seeing people in a... not negative light when i can ajdkfllhj #i try to go the extra mile to see where ppl may be coming from even if i disagree with them #(not so i can agree. but to humanize them. i think it's important)#and ofc while there are certainly people i still hate or hold a grudge against. the number is lower than it used to #and it does feel better this way i think #and it also feels nice when ppl say i make them feel safe bc i don't judge them #ig i do gotta give props to dbt for helping me with that 😔#but. i did most of the work myself. still doing it. it doesn't end but it gets easier with time #i do recommend trying it. at least with little things. especially if you think of yourself as bitter but want to change it #(feel free to hmu for tips and pointers btw. it might be mostly examples for things to do but it helps get the general vibe)

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ilkkawhat · 21 days

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gotta say one of the most validating things is when one of my own employees makes a comment about how i have too much work…especially when i get the same comment twice within a week from two different people 😂

#i do have too much and it’s very overwhelming #and a sign of growth that for once in my life i am admitting that #instead of hounding myself for not being good enough or doing more though #i’m sure there’s things i could do to make it easier or catch up…like taking it home with me #but i have no mental capacity for that right now lol #also my boss got me a birthday present so i can’t say she hates me for at least the next 24 hours lol #(i am just literally under the impression nothing i do is right and that she hates me whenever i get a message from her)#(usually about things i should either know already or had done)#(and part of me is getting better about that too and not being as anxious but…still gotta work on that)#mk.op

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lilowoof · 22 days

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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!