#had 2 make him mushroom themed..... it just felt right

[dailykeiji]

OOH! I've got an evil request. Magical Girl Keiji <3

today's keiji is: my favorite magical girl........ keiji shinogi

[primalsouls]

Inner Visions

can you tell what's happening?

nothing's ever what it seems

tighnari x gn!reader pt.2

theme: general

warnings: ooc Tighnari?, kinda heavy dialogues, not much but please lmk if you find anything triggering or need a warning for.

summary: Tighnari's life was safe but appreciation wasn't shown. Forgetting the new fungi, his attention moves on to an individual who claims they can see the future, which he finds to be impossible to do. No one can really see the future.

notes: outfit look because i suck at description lmao it took me a while to get this done lol. it is currently 2:00am and i work at 8am xD .... oh gosh. anyway, here is Inner Visions pt 2! would try to work on pt 3 this week or next. please enjoy and lmk what you think in the comments. the characters might be a bit ooc but that's due to me not playing the game for a long while haha. anyway, please have fun!

pt. 1

✿ some reader info ✿

has a third eye - uses to see future visions when activated, atm the third eye is ◉ᵕ◉.... third eye is the closed one haha...

a "deity" - doesn't have a region to rule nor followers to guide

third eye makes them lose energy, making them be tired easily, sleeps regains their energy/power back

wields a polearm mainly but can use more than one weapon - hand-to-hand combat mostly preferred

Kunishiko is the name I used for Wanderer haha.

more will be added once i remember haha

⌑ reblogs & feedback are appreciated here! ⌑

"That's impossible." Were the first words Tighnari spoke right after (Name) introduced themselves. The atmosphere felt thick but he wasn't sure if it was the horrendous smell of the fungi or the deep unsettling gut feeling built within the depths of his stomach. It was confusing. How was it possible for someone to see the future? What if they followed him here instead and lied about such nonsense? But if that were the case, he would have known by the sounds of their footsteps his long ears would have picked up or Iraj would have let him know there was someone behind him from the get go. Actually, how didn't his ears pick up any sound from them? Tighnari looked around. There wasn't any other entrance nearby other than the one he came from.

"I'm a light walker." (Name) answered without hearing the ranger's worried questions. Their voice caught his ears, his eyes snapped back on their figure. "You're thinking how I got here. I didn't follow you. I just saw in my visions that someone was going to die in this cave by eating a deadly mushroom. I was actually heading my way to Sumeru City. This place was just on my path there and before I could continue on, I got a flash of someone with fox-like features about to commit a stupid move."

Tighnari frowned, his bow lowered by his side. He still kept his stance up, not fully trusting (Name) yet. And they could see it in his eyes. Such pretty serious eyes. (Name) figured there was no use to continue staying in the cavern with the forest watcher. They had done their good deed for the day, there was no point in trying to prove themselves to someone. Especially when they had someone else in the city waiting for them.

"Believe me or not, take what you can from this encounter. It's not like I've expected for anyone to believe or know about me. Though, as much as I'd like to stay and chit chat with a pretty fox like you, I have to go." (Name) said as they turned on their heel, but they didn't miss the chance to see the light pink blush decorated the fox-hybrid's cheeks. Raising the hood over their head, the stranger began to walk away.

Tighnari stood there, watching their figure distances as they walked out of the cave. Bow in hands. His heart was still racing from the earlier attack—or in their case, help—(Name) caused by the use of their polearm. Letting his weapon disintegrate as he put it away behind him, Tighnari quickly climbed out of the cave. There were too many questions in his mind. The new fungi was long forgotten the moment he set his eyes on the other. Maybe they hadn't gotten too far. His ears stood on high alert for their footsteps but nothing was able to be picked up. When he reached the entrance of the cavern, Tighnari turned to Iraj.

"Iraj!" The ranger called out, hurriedly making his way towards the startled man.

"Oh, Master Tighnari! What's wrong? You looked as if you saw a ghost." Iraj said as he walked towards the dendro user. Tighnari glanced around the area for any sign of (Name).

"I hope I didn't." He said, panting under his breath. "Have you seen someone just walk out? A hooded individual with a trident?" Iraj shook his head, a look of confusion on his face.

"No, sir. No one has walked in nor walked out." The ranger said. Tighnari frowned. How was that possible? Then how was (Name) able to pass Iraj with being seen?

"I see…" His brain tried to wreck any other entrance of the cave. There was the first Southern opening just where Iraj guarded. Above them to the right was both the second southern entrance and the first northern one. But the northern opening belongs to another cavern just above the one they stood at. Maybe they came from the second way in. Though they would have been too late to stop him if they took that way in. "What are they?" He asked himself, looking back at the cave before he scanned his surroundings once more.

"Was someone in there, Master Tighnari?" Iraj asked, concern laced in his tone. The fox-hybrid scratched the back of his head, unsure what to say.

"No, um, forget it… I'm gonna leave my stuff behind there. Need to go to the city." He said. Before the ranger could say anything to stop him, Tighnari already headed on his way to Sumeru City. It was the destination they mentioned they needed to reach afterall. Who knows, maybe he would be able to catch them before they reach the city's walls.

"So, who are we meeting again, Nahida?" Paimon asked, looking down at the dendro archon with a tilt of her head. The duo were called by Nahida at the Sanctuary of Surasthana for a small meetup. They were notified by Katherine at the Guild when they went up to report their last commission. The small archon requested their presence at the sanctuary. And there they were, the archon catching them up with her latest commission.

Nahida smiled, looking up at the floating girl. "(Name). They are an old acquaintance of mine. I found out about them when I was searching for some more information about Aether's sister through memories in Irminsul Tree. There was a hidden ley line that held some unusual information about (Name). I figured with their help, maybe we could learn more about your sister." Nahida explained, turning her gaze on the puzzled traveler.

Help them learn more about his sister? Could this (Name) person have anything to do with Lumine? What could their relationship with his sister be? So many questions ran through his mind, but he won't let this opportunity slip away from his fingers. "I hope they can be of any help. Thank you, Nahida." Aether said, a kind smile crossing his face. Nahida beamed with a nod, turning her small body towards the door.

"Then let's go. They should arrive here in no time." Nahida said.

"Wait, what about Kunishiko?" Paimon asked.

Nahida giggled. "He's studying with someone right now."

The pair raised a brow. That was a first. Usually he wasn't the type to study with someone. Dismissing the whereabouts of the Wanderer, the trio descended their way to the entrance of Sumeru City. Nahida looked forward to meeting her old friend. She was grateful they managed to reach out. Hopefully there was no trouble heading their way. She didn't want anything to ruin their rekindle meeting and friendship.

Tighnari frowned. He stood at the entrance of Sumeru City but found no sight of (Name). Did they lie to him? Did they also see in the future that he was going to follow them? A scoff of a laugh left his lips. There was no such thing as future visions.

"Who would have known you would be a stalker." That alluring voice! Tighnari turned to the source. There they were, standing near the Guild with their arms crossed over their chest, the hood down to their shoulders. Registering the words from the other, Tighnari scoffed.

"I didn't stalk. I-I… I—well—I…" Why was it difficult to think of a lie? "I've… came to pick up some new materials. Yes, new materials. Since the ones I had were destroyed." Tighnari eyed the individual with a glare.

(Name) smirked, a shrug being delivered at the fennec fox. "Sounds like it could be partially true, but we both know why you came here, cutie." Their words made Tighnari do a double take, a huff leaving his lips. Another blush colored his cheeks from the endearment they used. Before he could continue the banter, another voice popped out.

"Tighnari!? What are you doing here?" Turning to the owner of the high-pitched voice, the young man noticed the traveler and the other two make their way to the Guild. Paimon flew over to him, standing between him and (Name). "Do you know them?" She asked, glancing between the two. Tighnari kept quiet, unsure what to say until Nahida took account of their behaviors.

She turned to the individual, a polite smile on her face. "You must be (Name), right?" She asked. Earning a nod, Nahida clapped her hands. "I don't know if you remember me but I'm Nahida! The dendro archon of Sumeru. It is a pleasure to meet up with you again, (Name)." The archon asked. Hearing her introduction, Tighnari frowned.

"I'm sorry but you guys know them?"

"Only Nahida does! We're just meeting them now, too. They're here to help Aether learn more about his sister's whereabouts." Paimon explained with a nod towards Tighnari. "Have you met them before, Tighnari?"

"We met at a cave today. Poor fox was about to meet the stars so soon." (Name) said with a cheeky smile. They received a glare from him.

"I've almost eaten a new mushroom found within the caves of Gandha Hill. Fortunately, (Name) was there to stop me." Tighnari admitted, a look of embarrassment on his face. (Name) chuckled.

Nahida looked at the vision user. "Why don't you join us then? We would love to have more extra hands to help, I'm sure (Name) wouldn't mind." She offered. They shook their head, silently agreeing they truly didn't mind his presence. Paimon and Aether agreed excitedly as well. It would be a good chance to catch up with Tighnari. The fennec fox hesitated in his answer, sparing a glance at (Name) who only sent him a wink. Huffing a sigh, Tighnari agreed to come along. With his positive response, Nahida guided the group to the Lambad's Tavern. Today's reunion meeting was going to be interesting.

[returntosaturn271995]

Wednesday, June 14th: Agency

My moods still can twist depressing. 

As grateful as I am taking my red pill every morning like Neo, it isn’t a magic bullet. It’s one extra thing I do every day to take care of myself as if I were another person. One of the biggest things my -ugh, journey?, (I hate reality TV for ruining that word but whatever) has taught me, is that I’m obligated to treat my body and mind as well as I can.

My life isn’t meant to be wasted, and I’m learning to stop being so complicit. I owe it to myself to cook, clean, run, meditate, do yoga, pursue comedy, dress well, drink less and be social. I owe it to myself to see if I can’t become a better person, not in spite of life being meaningless, but because there is no greater plan. That responsibility: to grow up, to handle consequences, to improve as much as I can, every day has made me feel powerless in the past because I didn’t want it. I didn’t believe in my ability to handle it. 

Pathetic. I felt weak and unequipped to care for myself, and in turn this weakness made me think I wasn’t worth being cared for at all. But it’s not fucking true. That responsibility was freedom in the form of self-discipline. Now that I’m taking the reins to make things right, it’s like the removal of fog from a windshield, there’s so much power to take on the road ahead. 

I can do this. I can heal and grow. I have control if I want it.

I’m slightly less pathetic and that’s a beautiful thing. 

Oh yeah? So the depressive mood, my fears and anxieties coming true? Check and check. Pretty sure I’m getting ghosted by Nowadays and Ryan is sliding in to the cute-friend category. And I’m not alone:  Kelly is struggling with long-distance with Phil, and Katie communicated her current love-life status in the kitchen like this: 

Me:  How’s Happy? (His name is Christian but everyone calls him Happy)

Katie: Oh. 

Me: Oh?!

Katie: Yeah. 

Me: Oh.

When I talked to Mom yesterday, she proceded to pull her classic move: trying to cheer me up with a story about something horrible that happened to someone. 

Me: I don’t know- I’m trying so hard and I just want something to give already.

Mom: Well you know what might make you feel better? This week my friend Linda, who I worked with at HP? The one with only one arm?

Me: Wait-what. Who’s Linda? 

Mom: My old co-worker Linda. Ugh so awful, she only had one arm. Sometimes she would wear a hook. Anyways, she died this week from cancer. She was only 55, isn’t that terrible?

Me: ...oh my god.

Mom: So don’t you see? 

Me: Mom, why would that make me feel better? Now I’m just feeling lost and sad Linda had cancer. Also, what kind of person would I be if that did?

Mom: *Starts audibly cackling* I’m just saying things could be worse! 

Me: No, seriously? Like I’m supposed to just go “Oh I’ve had an awful day but at least Linda only has one arm?”

Mom: *Still laughing* Well she had the hook...it was more the cancer thing that was really sad. *Giggles harder*

And then I start laughing because I share DNA with this monster.

Me: What is wrong with you?

Mom: *Gasping for air laughing* Oh god my back! Maybe I did fuck you up.

Not gunna lie, I love the fuck out of that woman. 

Things I had control over today:

1. Going on a long walk listening to music and watching surfers

2. Organized my closet and laundry basket

3. Made lemon, broccoli, and prosciutto pasta topped with parmesan. 

4. Getting a reishi mushroom drink instead of coffee. Not drinking alcohol. 

5. Making plans with Natalie and Sarah. 

6. Wearing sunscreen, drinking mint tea, doing the dishes and moisturizing.

7. Meditation (The theme? Agency. Clearly I am not alone here.)

8. Yoga - still not feeling major progress, but fuck it, still going. 

9. Finishing The Midnight Library. (Small choices matter. Goodness has ramifications. You can’t skip to the good part.)

10. Keeping up with the war in the Ukraine (grim) and Trump’s indictment (at least entertaining). 

11. Had good conversations with the fam. Dad is still playing music, Mom is still a sick fuck whom I love dearly, Ash still has three kids. 

Oh and I dressed well: Tan tank top, flared jeans, pearl choker, Chanel Necklace, high pony, white vans. 

I’m a free agent. 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TD Clues in the S11 Preview Special

Hey Everyone!

Who watched the S11 preview show? I did, and there were actually some fairly heavy TD clues in it. (Yay!)

I only got to watch it once live, and didn’t have the option to record it, so I probably missed stuff. If anyone noticed anything I didn’t, feel free to send it in. I’ll focus on 3 major things that jumped out at me.

So, Angela Kang was in the studio with Chris Hardwick, but Norman was there only via satellite from Georgia.

@wdway​ noticed that the music box was still sitting on the shelf behind Angela, which was cool.

1. The first big clue we noticed came from Norman. Chris had asked him something like, how is this season was different from previous ones, or how has filming been different. Norman said everything was brighter and more colorful than usual. 

I think he probably means because of the Commonwealth. If you think of the CW sales video we saw in the coda of the trailer, everything looks new and clean and nice, and doesn’t have the bleak, dirty vibe of most of the rest of the show. Then he said (and I paraphrase) that a lot of it felt like they’d all “eaten the wrong mushrooms.” And by that, he means something hallucinatory. And that it seemed “like the Wizard of Oz.”

Yeah, massive hints going on there.

There has been a subtle but recurring mushroom theme in the show. It’s part of the overall hallucination theme, but goes back at least until S4 (you know, when Bethyl came from and center). It might be earlier than that, too, but that’s the earliest reference that comes to mind.

Either way, Norman is furthering the idea of hallucinations and things not being as they seem.

And then there’s the wizard of Oz reference. I’ve literally done entire theories on this (X), (X). We saw it around Beth at Grady and also around Rick right before the bridge incident, where he disappeared into the CRM. Because of the way it’s used in both cases, I think the Wizard of Oz motif is specifically about the CRM. Dorothy was transported away from her family and to a whole new world. The same thing happened to both Beth and Rick and both times they went to a community with ties to the CRM.

The hallucination theme is also present in TWOO. People have written whole essays about how trippy the whole thing is and how it feels like an acid trip for Dorothy. That’s not the way it’s written in the show, but of course this film came out in 1939. For Dorothy, it was an elaborate dream. But that just makes me think of episode 6x12 of Fear the Walking Dead where an almost identical thing happened with Grace and the episode is even called In Dreams.

And I’m not at all saying the CRM isn’t real. I’m just saying they’re using these things as themes and we saw them back in S5 around Beth. I’ll have more to say about this theme next week when I discuss episode 11x01.

2. The next thing that struck us as suspicious is that Chris asked Norman, with this being the final season, what does he want for Daryl? 

Norman replied that wants Daryl to find happiness and “what he’s looking for.” And he very clearly meant emotionally. You could argue that he meant romantically but it could also just be in terms of life and familial relationships.

But you could also argue that he already has most of that. He has strong family and community relationships. He’s helping raise two kids. (In fact, very small spoiler for 11x01: at one point Daryl returns to Alexandria and we see both Judith and RJ run out and hug him. It’s very sweet. The point is, he pretty much IS their father for the time being.) And he has closer “family” relationships with those he’s closest to: Maggie, Michonne, Carol, Aaron.

So, the only thing he’s truly missing is the romantic element.

@wdway​ also pointed out that the way Norman said it, it very much feels like something futuristic. Something he currently doesn’t have in his life. (Sorry Caryl and Donnie shippers.)

So yeah. That, and the “what he’s looking for” wording definitely made us side-eye.

3. Finally, near the end, we saw a sneak peek that comes from 11x02, and Dog enters a Dark Tunnel. 

The sneak peak is Daryl and Dog, alone together in the subway tunnels. Daryl finds a walker rolled up inside a sleeping bag, which he kills, and then Dog starts barking at something and runs away from Daryl, into a small, dark side tunnel.

So, the dark tunnel symbolism is HUGE around Beth and I’ve got theories about Dark Tunnel symbolism that are YEARS old (X).

And, until next week when everyone sees 11x01 and I’m safe to talk about it, you’ll just have to take my word for this, but they’re definitely using an S4/S5 Beth template for Dog this season. We already know from what’s been released about the season that Dog and Daryl will get separated and he’ll go looking for Dog. We already knew that. But when you see 11x01, it becomes even more evident.

So, Dog heading into a dark tunnel just backs up the Beth template even more.

But then, when they came back to TTD after the sneak peek, Norman started singing a song. Okay, I have no idea what it was. I didn’t recognize the tune and he did it very quickly. (If anyone knows what it was, let me know.) Chris clearly recognized it and started laughing, razzing Norman about how of all the songs he could possibly have parodied, he used that one. So, the lyrics weren’t real. Norman was making them up, overall.

But wanna know what lyrics he sang? He said (once again, I paraphrase) something like, “When Doggy goes into the tunnel, I know things are serious.”

So, he not only emphasized the importance of Dog entering the dark tunnel, he actually turned it into a serious/Sirius/return reference.

Me:  😲

Okay, those were the three big things that jumped out at me. 1) Hallucination/Mushroom/Wizard of Oz references. Yes, all in one sentence. 2) Daryl finding happiness and “what he’s looking for.” 3) Dog in the tunnel = Sirius.

As I said at the beginning, there were probably other, smaller things I missed, but these were the ones that made me super happy.

Thoughts?

[tabloidtoc]

Life & Style, April 26

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Khloe Kardashian is a total fake

Page 1: Lady Gaga in a wedding dress on the set of House of Gucci in Rome

Page 2: Contents

Page 4: The Top 10 SAG Awards Looks -- Mindy Kaling, Jamie Chung, Amy Adams, Sarah Levy, Kerry Washington

Page 5: Kaley Cuoco, Nicole Kidman, Natalie Morales, Viola Davis, Lily Collins

Page 6: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen celebrated their 12-year anniversary, posting heartfelt tributes to each other on social media, but their relationship hasn't always been so rock solid -- Tom admitted that Gisele has made a lot of sacrifices for their marriage and she hated living in Boston because she had no friends there and felt so alone because Tom was never around; things got so bad they sought counseling, which was the wake-up call that Tom needed -- he promised to make changes and he agreed to quit the Patriots and sign with a team in a location that was more desirable to Gisele and Tom stuck to his word and he came the new quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and since moving to Florida, Tom and Gisele have never been happier and they have date nights every week and always make sure to communicate -- it wasn't easy, but they're both really proud of how far they've come

Page 7: After multiple delays, David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc have finally filmed the highly anticipated Friends reunion special and they all got really emotional when they saw the set and being there brought back so many fond memories -- it's the first time in 17 years that fans will get to see the entire cast together since the show went off the air in 2004 -- afterwards, everyone went to Jen's house for dinner -- each of the stars was paid $2.5 million to appear in the special

* Throwback -- Dolly Parton in 1965

* Biggest Spenders of the Week -- Bobby Flay, Aaron Rodgers, Vanessa Hudgens, Angelina Jolie

Page 8: Drew Barrymore revealed that, after three divorces and a string of failed romances, she's sworn off marriage altogether -- Drew doesn't need a man to feel complete and she's happiest hanging out with family and friends -- if the right guy comes along later down the line, great, but for now, she's content with being single

* Becoming one of the most sought-after stars in Hollywood has gone straight to Ana de Armas' head -- the cast and crew are often left waiting for the actress to emerge from her trailer on the set of the new action thriller The Gray Man -- Ana's got a lot going on and she's juggling several different projects, as well as photo shoots and phone calls with her team and people don't stay mad at her for too long, but they have nicknamed her Ana de Diva, but she isn't upset by the scathing moniker because she's a big name now, and with that comes a lot of responsibility and the way she sees it, there are worse things than being called a diva

Page 10: The Week in Photos -- Orlando Bloom got a surprise visit from the Easter Bunny

Page 11: Jennifer Lopez in jeans at a photoshoot for InStyle, Priyanka Chopra dancing around her backyard in a bright yellow dress

Page 12: Animal Tales -- Gilles Marini posed for a pic with his African grey parrot Anya, singer Madison Beer leaned in for a kiss from a caramel-colored stallion, Kate Beckinsale's feline Clive seemed less than thrilled when Kate strapped him to her chest in a carrier

Page 13: Kaia Gerber and her precious pooch Milo snuggled up in bed, Malin Akerman and a goat

Page 16: Stars Behaving Badly -- Lisa Vanderpump let her parched dog drink from her water glass at a restaurant in West Hollywood, Maisie Williams went topless under a translucent jacket while shooting a new TV series about the Sex Pistols in London, HGTV Design Star host Allison Holker used a megaphone to give out instructions to Property Brother Jonathan Scott on the show's finale, Calvin Klein wasn't worried about stains when he shoved a pile of spaghetti into his mouth at West Hollywood's Mauro Cafe

Page 18: Say What?! Helena Bonham Carter who turns 55 in May, Chelsea Handler who admits she consumes mushrooms almost every day, Olivia Munn who is the proud pet parent of rescue dogs Frankie and Chance, Melissa McCarthy on doing her own stunts in Thunder Force, Brian Tyree Henry on Godzilla vs. Kong co-star Millie Bobby Brown

Page 20: Pete Davidson has officially moved out of his mother's home and into a $1.2 million luxury high-rise condo on Staten Island, and it's all thanks to his new girl girlfriend, Bridgerton star Phoebe Dynevor -- the Saturday Night Live star showed off his two-bedroom, two-and-a-half bathroom bachelor pad during a Zoom call -- Phoebe is a down-to-earth girl, but she doesn't want to date a man who lives in his mom's basement and she thinks Pete's mom, Amy, is awesome and says it's a great thing that they're super close, but being in a long-distance relationship is difficult enough so Pete and Phoebe need some alone time when they're together, which was almost impossible with his mother hanging out upstairs -- Pete knew it was time; he just needed that gentle nudge

Page 21: Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell were spotted in NYC together, sparking speculation that the former Bachelor couple have rekindled their relationship -- the pair parted ways while the show was still airing after photos of the graphic designer at a plantation-themed college party in 2018 surfaced on social media -- Rachael made a mistake but she owned up to it and was willing to learn from it and it didn't change her feelings for Matt or vice versa and Matt was in love with Rachael too and he couldn't just turn those feelings off so no one would be surprised if they decided to reconcile

* Michael B. Jordan's girlfriend Lori Harvey was left reeling over photos of the actor sharing a smooch with Chante Adams on the set of their new movie A Journal for Jordan -- of course, they were just shooting a scene for the film, but Lori was still annoyed and she asked Michael about it, and he brushed it off and explained it was part of the job but Lori still has her suspicions and she's been thinking about dropping by the set just so she can keep a very close eye on them

Page 22: Cover Story -- Khloe Kardashian living a lie -- devastated by an unretouched photo leak, Khloe faces claims she's a body positivity hypocrite as she demands the viral image be taken down

Page 26: Alex Rodriguez to Ben Affleck: Back off my fiancee -- Ben gushes about ex Jennifer Lopez in a new article and A-Rod isn't happy about it (not quite Bennifer yet :)

Page 28: Prince Harry overwhelmed with work -- Harry struggles to adjust after trading his cushy royal role for a variety of normal gigs -- though his job for BetterUp is primarily remote, added stress comes in the form of Harry's Spotify and Netflix deals, plus growing charity work -- Harry finds all of his new, non-royal titles fresh and exciting, but while he's a great person, some in his inner circle say Harry's kind of dumb and worry whether he can handle the pressure

Page 30: Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli life after prison -- reunited following months spent behind bars, Lori and Mossimo try to pick up the pieces -- prison definitely took a toll on Mossimo and he doesn't expect sympathy, but he's still struggling to adjust to what he went through; it really broke him down and forced him to reevaluate his life

Page 32: Who Lives Here? Lil Nas X

Page 34: Entertainment

Page 35: Star Review -- Jonathan Van Ness

* As Seen On-Screen -- Meghan Markle wore a dark green coat while walking through Archie's Chick-Inn during her CBS interview which was J. Crew's Perfect Lightweight Jacket

Page 36: Go Green at Home -- reduce your carbon footprint even more with these eco-chic essentials, because our planet can use all the help it can get

Page 37: Beauty Crush -- get Jurnee Smollett's look from her makeup artist Emily Cheng for the SAG Awards

Page 38: Spring Beauty Must-Haves -- these product picks aim to reign as new-season favorites -- Camila Mendes

Page 40: Diva or Down-to-Earth? Rihanna bagged her own haul at Bristol Farms in Beverly Hills -- down-to-earth, Shay Mitchell worked from home with help from her most trusted assistant daughter Atlas -- down-to-earth, during a photo shoot in Malibu Brooke Burke got a makeup refresh from a personal primper -- diva

Page 42: Social Stars Posts of the Week -- Sofia Vergara sneaking Heidi Klum a chip on the set of America's Got Talent, Neil Patrick Harris finished the first season of The Irregulars while quarantining in Toronto, Jared Leto pretended to pluck the moon straight out of the sky during a masked outing in Italy, Beyonce treated her daughter Blue Ivy to a meal at Nobu in Malibu

Page 44: Horoscope -- Taurus Gigi Hadid turned 26 on April 23

* They're Not Together, But They Should Be -- Capricorn Charles Melton and Virgo Zendaya

Page 48: What I'm Into -- Kameron Westcott of The Real Housewives of Dallas

[wishingupontheskyandstars]

Our Secret This Holiday ❄️ Chp. 4

Summary: As the Holidays approach, Arya and Gendry are a new couple spending a lot of time together before they reveal to everyone else that they are dating and what better day to reveal that than on Christmas…

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | AO3 Link Here | Rated M

Chapter 4: Ugly Sweaters 

The Holiday party was in full swing with modern and classic holiday songs playing in the background. Guests, dressed in themed sweaters, continued to catch Arya’s eye. Some were the ugliest sweaters she had ever seen. She scrunched her nose at someone wearing a bright red sweater with wavy lined gold tinsel and real lights scattered around, sparkling white, green, and blue.

A variety of Christmas lights shined brightly throughout, along with the decorative tree, hanging stockings, beautiful wreaths, and charming gingerbread houses delicately placed on the fireplace mantel. It was a wonder to Arya, with all the decorations, how over thirty guests were able to fit in both the Condo's living room and kitchen.

"Arya, Daenerys told me your last semester is coming up. How are you holding up?" Missandei, Daenerys' co-worker at the law firm, asked.

Arya looked away from the decorations once she heard her name. She felt Gendry's hand placed at her lower back, making her feel warm and want to snuggle more into his arms. She looked at Missandei, beautifully dressed in a shimmery silver-colored sweater dress with a large green ribbon in the center. She held hands with her boyfriend, known as Grey Worm. He was a military officer stationed overseas in Essos and was able to get a few weeks off for the Holidays.

Seeing their hands intertwined effortlessly made Arya smile as she said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm ready for school to be over but terrified the day after graduation." She then took a sip of champagne as she felt Gendry's hand over her lower back rub her affectionately as if to put her at ease. It worked.

Daenerys, who was standing next to Missandei's other side, said, "You're going to be fine."

Arya appreciated the sentiment as she looked at her best friend's sweater dress: Three kittens in the present box, all pawing at real ornaments from part of the tree. She smirked. "Of course, your dress would have cats on it."

Daenerys smiled. "You know it."

"Where's the trio? I haven't seen them for hours," Arya said.

Daenerys gave a half-smile. "I knew they would jump on the counters and eat food they shouldn't, so they're in my room, most likely very upset."

Arya chuckled. "Just wait until later..." Referring to a similar incident from months ago when the cats shredded pillows in retaliation.

Daenerys rolled her eyes. "Ha," she said dispassionately.

Just then, a waiter came with a platter of Gendry's fried mash potato balls.

"These are divine," Missandei said, grabbing one.

Grey worm, dressed in a classic patterned sweater with cookies and milk and Santa, munched on his third one and nodded. "Great job, man. I swear if there's still any left, I'm going to finish the Portobello Mushrooms. Those are excellently seasoned."

Gendry, who looked a little embarrassed at receiving such praise, smiled slowly. "Thanks—the seasoning is from Essos. A lot of the spices and herbs from there I use at my restaurant."

Daenerys finished her fried mash potato ball and said, "Thank you again, Gendry, for your lovely food." She smiled at him.

He nods in response and said, "Of course and if you will excuse us..." He pulls his hoodie over his head, showing the antlers, completing his ugly reindeer sweater. He looked at Arya, "Did you want to dance?" He shrugged.

"Sure," She puts her glass on the counter and takes his hand with hers, trying not to laugh at the antlers as they walk toward the Christmas tree where others were dancing. She turned around and saw the antlers again, this time unable to keep it in, and laughed out loud. "Oh, my Gods—you look cute but ridiculous!" The central part of his sweater was the reindeer's chest as if Gendry was a reindeer himself.

Gendry smiled. "And your sweater looks more normal than ugly," he remarked.  

Arya looked down at her dark gray sweater with a snow wolf in the middle with a red Santa hat as snowflakes rained all over. She then shrugged. "I don't care.” She then wrapped her arms around his neck, slightly pulling on an antler as Gendry smirked at her, making her laugh as they jumped to the upbeat music together. Watching the antlers bounce, she said, “I'm here, dancing and spending time with you—that's what matters to me." She kissed him on the lips, feeling him respond as they stopped dancing and made the kiss last the rest of the song, leaning against a stocking on the wall.

   Daenerys looked around the festive and lively room and saw guests talking, eating, laughing, and dancing. She spotted Meera in the kitchen talking with a young man unfamiliar to her, but as she saw Meera's small smile forming, she knew she was having a good time. She looked around and spotted them, grinning as she said, "You know, I've never seen Arya dance with anybody that wasn't a Stark." Daenerys held on to Margaery, dancing slowly together, two couples away from Arya and Gendry.

Margaery, who wore a light green sweater with a pattern of roses and mistletoe all over, lifted her head from her girlfriend's shoulder and saw the couple kissing and slow dancing to the newly changed song. She gave them a sly grin as she said, "I like them together."

Daenerys nodded in agreement. "Me too. I almost want to go to Winterfell and see everyone's reaction when they reveal they're in a relationship."

Margaery raised her brows. "So, she is going to tell them? I don't know—What I get from Arya is that she wants to keep their relationship a secret as long as possible. I mean, we may have not even known if we hadn't caught them..." She half-smiles, holding Daenerys closer to her.

"Knowing the Starks, I don't think she will be able to keep the secret this holiday, but..." She shrugged. "She can be very sneaky, so she might be able to pull it off." She looked at her girlfriend's headband, which had a small mistletoe sewed into it. She touches the mistletoe and says, "You were so creative with this."

Margaery gave her a sly smile. "Anything to keep doing this," She kisses Daenerys on the lips, her hands feeling the wool material as they landed on her ass, squeezing it.

Daenerys, felt so happy and in love, her hand in Margaery's silky hair as she pulled her closer to her, feeling their lips touch and move together.

As it neared two in the morning, the Condo quieted down. Christmas music continued to play but on a lower volume. About half of the guests remained. Arya opened her bedroom with Gendry's hand in hers and saw a couple of people in her bed, clothed, sleeping. There was even someone on the floor, snoring. She closed the door.

"Well, I didn't anticipate this." She said, leaning against the wall in the hall.

"What are you going to do?" Gendry asked.

"I don't want to kick them out—It just doesn't feel right once people had a good time here..."

"It's your bed—they should have fucking asked," Gendry scoffed.

"I kinda like you're angrier than me about this."

"If it were my bed—they would be out." He said matter-of-factly.

She chuckled. "Well, there is another solution to this." She raised her brow, giving Gendry a small grin as she leaned forward, kissing him, tasting chocolate. She moaned as she felt Gendry's hand on her cheek, pulling her closer, hoping he got what she meant.

"As you wish, Milady," he whispered against her lips before licking the bottom of her lip and kissing her harder.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing  /  you were so scared  /  but no one would listen,  ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

[yuexuan]

Fiction recommendation 19

Halloween’s here! As per past tradition, here’s another round of fic recs! The theme is still horror/supernatural/apocalyptic-oriented (because that’s my jam~). 

My previous Halloween fic recs can be found here and here

1.  小蘑菇 (Little mushroom)

Author: 一十���洲 (Xiao Shi Si Zhou)

Future, apocalypse, sci-fi

Summary:

He who brings Judgement is judged...by none other than a small mushroom. 

An Zhe was a simple mushroom and his only goal in life was to ensure the survival of his spore. One day, he lost his spore. He searched high and far, even risking his life to infiltrate a human base where he suspected the spore was taken to. The problem was that the human base was guarded by the Judge, a human with an inexplicably acute sense of distinguishing infected mutants from normal human. 

Too bad that he could only distinguish animal and plant-based mutants, and An Zhe was a fungi, eh?

Comments: 

Set in the future where Earth had finally lost its magnetic fields, inducing changes far beyond what anyone might anticipate. I particularly liked the world-building, from creating mannequins to commemorate the dead as a job, to the different ways they detect mutants, or the facilities that humans built to counter incoming attacks. Definitely worth a read!

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Audio drama

2.  不死者 (Undead)

Author: 淮上 (Huai Shang)

Future, apocalypse, sci-fi, ABO, zombie

Summary:

2019, the year when the Pandora Virus raged across the globe. Infrastructures  were destroyed, basic services halted, nuclear plants experienced meltdown, and cities were sunken into despair. In a place without God, humanity's hope rests in the hands of a few. 

Unit 118 was responsible for bringing back the antidote, in the form of an omega who had developed resistance to the Pandora Virus. The problem was that the omega wasn’t entirely cooperative. Also, he was more-than-capable of taking down zombies and alphas alike.

Comments:

This is an ABO x zombie fic, so if you like both settings and appreciate a power couple, you’re gonna enjoy this!

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Audio drama

3.  民调局异闻录 (Bureau of paranormal investigation)

Author: 耳东水寿 (Er Dong Shui Shou)

Supernatural, mystery, modern

Summary: 

During a stakeout, Shen La and crew were tricked into a cave filled with the Undead. In the course of escaping, he reopened his Heaven’s Eye that enabled him to see ghosts and other paranormal beings. As a result, he was approached and recruited by the ‘census bureau’, a secret government agency tasked with dealing with paranormal activities.

**Note that this is not a danmei

Comment:

If you like Daomu, you’re going to enjoy this novel because the writing style, characterization etc. are heavily inspired from Daomu. The entire novel consisted of short stories where the main cast deals with different paranormal events. It is situated within a larger universe, including prequels and sequels such as 勉传、暗夜将至、绝处逢生、民调局异闻录后传. I’m currently reading 勉传 , but it’s nowhere as exciting and entertaining as the main book lol. 

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Donghua

4.  寒武再临 (The return of Cambrian Period)

Author:  水千丞 (Shui Qian Cheng)

Sci-fi, future, apocalypse, special abilities

Summary:

A sudden earthquake caused the rapid evolution of all living things on earth. Suddenly humankind found itself no longer at the top of the food chain and their hope rests in the hands of those who evolved special features to protect them. 

Chong Xia came by an old jade holding the secrets to advancing others’ evolution, possibly giving humankind a second chance at survival. 

Comments:

Another apocalypse fic with very expansive world-building. I really enjoyed the first part of the story - it’s refreshing to see a smart characters that make wise use of scientific knowledge. Somehow this dwindled later in the story, and Chong Xia became just any typical nice-hero, which was kinda disappointing but hey, the world-building more than makes up for it! Also, I heard that there is a new donghua coming out based on this.

Novel | Novel [Eng] Translation | Audio drama

5.  图灵测试 (Turing test)

Author:  唇亡齒寒0 (Chun Wang Chi Han 0)

Sci-fi

Summary:

The 28th test: failure. Once again Yu ShaoQing correctly identified the AI in the virtual reality test, much to the frustrations of the AI’s creators. But what if...the AI was losing on purpose? 

"Is this reality?" Yu ShaoQing awoke again from the virtual world, but he was supposed to be dead.

Comments:

Interesting take on the Turing Test, which is a method of testing whether an AI is capable of thinking like a human. It’s a relatively short fic for a good read :)

Novel 

6.  复生门徒 (Revived disciples)

Author:  四十九盞燈 (Si Shi Jiu Zhan Deng)

Apocalypse, sci-fi, mutants/special abilities

Summary:

‘A species is never extinct. Instead, their DNA is just sleeping. When the conditions are right, these DNA will reawaken.” - <Summary of the Solar Plan>

2017, the Solar Plan went askew, resulting in the reawakening of ancient species and the destruction of society. Majority of humankind fell into the bottom rung of the food chain. At the same time, the ancient DNAs resting within some humans were slowly coming back to life......

The killer ‘Red Eye’ and mercenary ‘Ghost Wolf’ were accidentally embroiled into part of the Solar Plan. Amidst the chaos, they paved a bloody pathway for humankind.

Comments:

If you like a power couple, this fic will be to your liking. It is fast-paced, with a lot of plot twists and interesting takes on power mutation/evolution. 

Novel 

7. 灵笼: Incarnation

Apocalypse, sci-fi

Summary (taken from myanimelist)

In the not-too-distant future, the human world has long been overpopulated. Humanity marched to the stars in search of a new home, and just as this was going on, the moon's alignment caused massive earthquakes to ripple across the world, lasting several decades. Humanity was demolished. When the land finally recovered, humanity reemerged to face this strange yet familiar world. Will we, who once lorded over this domain, still remain the masters of this world?

Comments:

This is not a fiction but a 3D donghua that really deserves more views due to its engaging plot and high-quality production. Honestly I felt like people didn’t talk about it just because it’s not BL/GL, but I strongly recommend the donghua. It is available for free on Bilibili’s official youtube site. 

[tokiro07]

Okay...

So the theory goes that Jumpman, the Mario from Donkey Kong, is actually the father of Mario and Luigi (based on the fact that the original DK is supposedly now Cranky Kong and the current DK, who has faced off against the current Mario, is the son of DK Jr.)

If that is true, then Jumpman is likely the same Mario that worked as a demolition man in Wrecking Crew, given both the era of the game and the fact that Jumpman could easily have been a generalized construction worker (as he was stated to be a carpenter in DK). There is a Luigi in Wrecking Crew, though, so maybe not, but who knows, twins could easily run in the family and maybe Jumpman named one of his sons after his brother 

Either way, that would mean that Jumpman, the father of the Mario brothers, worked with Foreman Spike, who for some reason hated Jumpman and his brother. Depending on the game, Foreman Spike bears a striking resemblance to either Wario or Waluigi. Now, we already know that Wario and Waluigi are canonically not brothers, so I’m not saying that Spike is both of their dads.

Just one of them. 

(Long post under the cut. This whole thing really got away from me, but I think it ended pretty nicely, so I hope y’all enjoy it)

Probably Wario’s, if I had to bet, given that we know Mario and Wario have known each other since childhood (stated explicitly in the instruction manual for Six Golden Coins), so it would make sense for them to know each other if their parents were work “friends,” and it would especially make sense for Wario to be as hateful of Mario if his dad, Spike, were hateful of Jumpman. Hell, it would even explain his name. Jumpman has a kid and names him after himself, and then Spike has a kid around the same time and decides to invoke some nominative determinism and labels his kid “bad Mario.”

How Waluigi fits into the picture is ambiguous, but with a number of simple solutions. While some early sources indicate that they are brothers (strategy guides, official websites, etc.), while later sources refer to them as either cousins (Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games) or as friends (Mario Sluggers, voice actor Charles Martinet). They could be adoptive brothers, but this wouldn’t really explain the visual similarities, unless Waluigi explicitly modeled his appearance after Wario or Foreman Spike. This wouldn’t require that they be brothers at all, though, as Waluigi could have done that even if he was just a friend. The cousin aspect works best at explaining the visual similarity and even the name, as that would mean that his name was chosen to spite Luigi just the same way that Wario’s was chosen to spite Mario. The only issue there is that we’ve never heard of Spike having any siblings. He’s had multiple conflicting designs, so MAYBE there’s multiple Spikes and Spike is a family name, but I doubt it.

Personally, while the cousin angle wraps everything up the most neatly, I’m still a fan of the idea that Waluigi is some kind of shapeshifted disguise for Tatanga, since the two are both purple misanthropes with an unhealthy obsession with Princess Daisy, a hatred for the Mario brothers and an odd friendship with Wario. This would also of course explain why the exact nature of their relationship is so unclear, since it would imply that they’re outright lying but can’t keep the story straight. I would rather the cousin thing, though, since I would like Tatanga to be able to make a comeback, but that would still be a really fun twist.

The one major hole in all of this, though, is that Pauline appears in Mario Odyssey and gives no indication that she’s not the same Pauline from Donkey Kong, implying that Mario and Jumpman are, as they’ve always been presented, the same person. However, there is surprisingly an explanation for this. You see, in the original Donkey Kong, the damsel in distress was a blonde woman referred to as Lady. It wasn’t until the remake for the GameBoy that she was redesigned to be the brunette Pauline that we know today. While particularly damning sources (Shigeru Miyamoto, Smash 4) have claimed that Pauline and Lady are the same person, various extended Mario media present them separately (The Cat Mario Show, a 1994 encyclopedia, various Mario manga), and even present them as having opposing personality types. Naturally, Shigeru Miyamoto should be considered the most credible source here, but that’s no fun, and he also said he was Bowser Jr’s mom, so I’m going to ignore him. 

So.

Jumpman’s pet Cranky Kong kidnaps his girlfriend, Lady, and he has to save her. Sometime later, Jumpman orders two children from the stork with Lady, whom he names after himself and his twin brother, Luigi, after a somewhat delayed delivery. His work rival, Spike, and Spike’s brother...Stanley the Bugman, why not, maybe he blames Mario for DK getting into his green house, both have children delivered around the same time, and name them Wario and Waluigi to spite Jumpman’s children. The Mario brothers and Spike children grow up to hate each other, and DK Jr. has also grown up and decides to kidnap Mario’s girlfriend, Pauline, just as his father did to Lady all those years ago. Mario saves Pauline, but unlike Jumpman and Lady who were brought closer together by their trauma, they break up, although they remain friends. Some years later, after Mario has established himself as a recurring hero to the Mushroom Kingdom, gets a toy line which DK III becomes weirdly infatuated with, leading to Pauline’s second kidnapping by a DK (or this is the first time, and Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2 was just a remake of DK on the GameBoy to give more context, the specifics aren’t too important here). Sometime after this, Pauline becomes mayor of New Donk City, which is adorned with references to Donkey Kong and his family’s crimes as if it’s all one big joke to these people. But I digress.

Somewhere in all that, Mario is given a castle for some reason, which is the last straw for Wario, who I imagine is working on a farm at the time, given that his best friend is a hen named Hen. Deciding that back breaking labor doesn’t satisfy his ambitions while his rival lives it up as a hero, Wario enlists the help of the alien Tatanga (who now that I think of it, he may well have met on his farm during an attempt to abduct a cow or something) to trick Mario to leave his castle so that Wario may steal it.

After Mario foils Wario’s plot and reclaims his castle, Mario extends an olive branch and invites Wario to play tennis with everyone, as that’s just the kind of guy he is. Wario, realizing he doesn’t have a partner, either a) invites his cousin Waluigi, who has gone into construction like uncle Spike (evidenced by his excavator in Mario Kart), since he loves sports and hates the Mario brothers as much as Wario does, or b) recruits Tatanga and has him disguise himself as someone who could ostensibly pass as a family member to lay low in case anyone tries to hold him responsible for his crimes (which they wouldn’t since they never try to arrest Bowser or Wario, but apparently he doesn’t know that)

As far as I can tell, the only thing we’re missing is where Waluigi was when Wario and the other Star Children were being delivered by the Stork and intercepted by Kamek. Perhaps he got passed over since he didn’t have a star? Maybe Bowser captured him and found he didn’t have a star, then discarded him. 

Actually, what if...

Waluigi was SUPPOSED to be delivered to Spike.

Waluigi was SUPPOSED to be Wario’s brother.

But when Bowser went back in time to find the seven Star Children, he messed up the route that Waluigi was supposed to be on. When the Stork got Waluigi back, he accidentally delivered Waluigi to the wrong house, the way he did to Mario and Luigi at the end of Yoshi’s Island (as shown in Yoshi’s New Island). Unlike with the Mario brothers, though, the Stork didn’t catch this mistake, and Waluigi grew up in the wrong household. Maybe it was even Stanley’s, and Waluigi’s inherently nasty personality clashed with Stanley’s kindly personality, but he still inherited his adoptive father’s love of plants! Can’t believe I was able to work that back in.

That’s why no one knows if they’re brothers, cousins or strangers! Because they don’t know who he was supposed to be delivered to, but they can’t deny the visual similarity! That’s why Waluigi’s so misanthropic, because he wasn’t delivered to the right house and he felt out of place! 

That last bit could easily be explained by being raised under Spike’s influence, though, since Spike is apparently the kind of jerk who would sabotage his own employees to get a bigger paycheck for himself. 

Either way, I think that lends to a really solid idea for the story of a Waluigi game.

A long time ago, I suggested a game where Waluigi somehow travels through time and goes through  levels themed around various Mario franchise titles (Waluigi’s Time to Shine), but now I know how to frame it! Waluigi, feeling odd about his family situation, asks Bowser how he travels through time so he can see where he comes from. Bowser throws him through a wormhole and Waluigi witnesses the events that lead to the Stork delivering him to the wrong house. He decides this is either Bowser or the Stork’s fault (Bowser makes more sense, but it would be super funny if the Stork ends up being the final boss) and journeys to exact revenge. The spell or technology tethering him to the past messes up, however, resulting in Waluigi being in flux and going through all of the Mario franchise.

It’d be really funny if when playing through the Yoshi’s Island section he becomes his baby self and knocks Mario off of Yoshi (resulting in Mario’s capture by the Toadies), giving Yoshi some weird new ability the way the Star Children did in Yoshi’s Island DS, but I’m not sure that having one level have a completely different control scheme would be the best idea.

It could also be that Waluigi rides Yoshi as a full grown adult, which would also be pretty silly given his lanky proportions. 

A Wrecking Crew level near the end would also be a fun way to bring the story full circle, revealing Waluigi’s relation to Spike and Wario, and establishing that Mario and Luigi are the children of Jumpman and Lady. 

Waluigi, Nintendo’s ultimate loose end, would be the catalyst through which all of the loose ends of the Mario franchise are tied.

Get on that, @nintendo 

Edit: This ended up having a couple of revisions, but rather then amend this post, I just ended up making two others. You can check those here and here

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Don’t Stop Me Now

This Wuha sh*t has me f*cked up but it’s been pretty legit with all the new release flicks on streaming. I’ve seen a ton of movies i missed in theaters here on my couch and it has been glorious. One i decided to skip because of all the little chil’lens was Sonic the Hedgehog. I’m a massive fan of the Sonic from way back when so i was concerned how this movie would be received, especially after that god-awful reveal initially. Dude had human teeth and it was horrifying. Paramount put it back in the cooker for a few months and popped out something a little more accurate, much to my surprise.This thing came out and blew up the theater market, also to my surprise. I couldn’t believe how accepted by the masses this thing was. Since it’s out on streaming now, i finally decided to check it out. After my first viewing, I have a few qualms but so much more to gush about.

The Good

First and foremost, thank god Paramount decided to shelve that original Sanic design. Goddamn was that hing creepy. This new one hits the sweet spot between Classic and Modern Sonic perfectly. F*cking good job.

Sonic the Hedgehog feels like an MCU Spider-Man film and i love. That opening sequence felt right in line with Tom Holland and his ridiculously lovable quips. When he hot me with that “great power” line, i almost sh*t myself.

The usage of the rings was surprisingly dope. When i saw their ability in the previews, i thought it might be stupid but, to my surprise, it was pretty interesting. No spoilers but it’s a nice plot device.

All of those game references are adorable. I mean, that Mushroom World reference, tho. Outstanding.

The contrasting themes of friendship and loneliness, while a little trite, are more than enough to give proper depth to a relatively shallow plot. There’s a ton of soul in this flick which i think is because of these particular themes and how they’re explored.

I have to say, this score is pretty legit. I thought we’d have something special with that opening Queen ballad but it just kind of kept coming with the bangers. did not expect that from a Sonic the Hedgehog adaption.

But that sound design, tho. I mean, the rings, Sonic’s spin dash, and even that little Green Hill remix; I loved al of it!

Ben Schwartz as Sonic is amazing. Dude fills those shoes perfectly. I grew up on the old cartoons with Urkel so dude had to bring the fury to impress and, boy, did he. Schwartz bring this effervescent, lovable energy to Sonic that immediately endears the blue blur to your heart.

James Marsden is quite charming as Thomas Wachowski. Dude is usually rather dry for my taste but i actually enjoy him in this. Dude has an absolutely brilliant chemistry with Schwartz and considering dude is a cartoon, that’s saying a lot. All hail Donut Lord!

Tika Sumpter was surprisingly hilarious as Maddie Wachowski, Tom’s wife. She has a very small amount of screen time but she kind of killed it when she was onscreen. I think she had potential going forward but it might be tricky giving her proper due in the future.

Jim Carrey is absolutely brilliant in his aggressive, manic, self. I miss this Carrey, that Mask/Ace Ventura Carrey. His Robtonik hits all of those nostalgia notes and i love it. I hope he returns for the sequel, if there’s a sequel. His Robotnik is mad insidious and i’d love to see what he can do in Mobius.

Shout out to Crazy Karl!

The Bad

Ugh. That Floss, tho. Really?

The plot to this flick is kind of generic. You’ve seen this buddy cop cartoon shtick before. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Iron Giant, Peter Rabbit, Bumblebee, the f*cking Smurfs; This type of flick might as will be a trope. Still, Sonic’s execution more than makes up for it’s pedestrian framing device.

The pacing of this movie is a little funky. The relationship between Tom and Sonic feels like they rushed through the necessary milestones but this movie is only a little over an hour and a half so i imagine expedience is necessary.

This is more a nitpick than anything because i actually really like this effect but the way they address Sonic’s super-speed isn’t anything new or innovative. It’s kind of just Quicksilver meets Blue Hedgehog but the way it’s executed is pretty dope.

Sonic is definitely a family film. It’s nothing heavy or super deep, but it is fun as hell. I’ve seen a lot of reviews kind of ding it because of that but i, personally, didn’t have a problem with it. Still, if you go into this looking for some super philosophical dive into the human condition or expect it to be as funny as a Chappelle standup, you’re going to be disappointed. I don’t think this is too terrible but it can be considering a limitation i guess? I dunno. I’m reaching for sh*t to dislike at this point.

The Verdict

Sonic the Hedgehog is one of the best video game adaptions i have ever to seen. I thought Detective Pikachu was the clear winner but this one gives it a real run for it’s money. It’s incredibly adorable, has fantastic performances, and genuine heart. Ben Schwartz give a life to sonic that rivals Jaleel White and i say that with all of the nostalgia i have for those old Sonic cartoons. Jim Carrey steals every scene he’s in and even James Marsden is great. Dude is usually kind of iffy in my opinion but he’s great in this. Probably all that practice with the other computer generated, anthropomorphic, animal movies he’s in. Look, i loved this movie. I absolutely did. It has it’s problems but, i mean, its f*cking Sonic and it’s good. It’s a good Sonic the hedgehog movie and that’s saying a mouthful considering the majority of the games that predate this thing. This movie is more Sonic than anything Sonic team has released in the last two decades and that;s absolutely ridiculous. I can’t wait for another one, as long as they maintain this level of quality.

This movie made me smile. Genuinely smile. I love Sonic. I’ve loved Sonic since i was a kid. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 is one of my all time video games. It’s the reason i got a Genesis way back when. In a world where Bayhem corrupted my beloved Transformers and Disney dropped the ball with Star Wars, seeing Sonic done proper justice on film is absolutely blessing. If you love the Blue Blur like i do or just enjoy wholesome family entertainment, this flick is definitely for you.

[theromanticrationalist]

Short Treks: My Thoughts

Now that I’ve finally caught up on Short Treks, I thought I would share my thoughts on the series and the future of Star Trek. 

Short Version: It’s a bizarrely mixed bag.

Now for the long version. (SPOILERS)

Short Treks: Runaway

I love Sylvia Tilly (who doesn’t?), and this new era of Star Trek has certainly given us some interesting and lovely characterizations. This was a pretty solid short story, and I loved that we got to spend more time with Tilly. I also enjoyed how they tied this story into season 2 of Discovery, which added more depth to her character. Yes, Tilly just makes friends with random alien queens. It’s just what she does.

I also appreciated Po’s dilemma in her fears and struggles with her people about the coming changes of them becoming a warp-capable society. Thanks to Po’s ingenuity and talent, she has given her people a way to stabilize Dilithium crystals, but Po has done this out of a love of science and creativity. She fears the exploitation of her discovery and inventions for selfish gain. As a creative myself, I could relate to Po’s anguish as she desires the purity of her creation’s purpose, the soul, to be preserved above all else. #TheStruggleIsReal

In the end, though, both Tilly and Po mature and grow a little, which was satisfying to see. I look forward to seeing Tilly’s continued trajectory to her inevitable captaincy! 

Short Treks: Calypso

Another really solid story, but the only thing was that it didn’t feel like Star Trek to me. It just seemed like a beautiful and haunting science fiction story, maybe something that would be on Amazon’s Electric Dreams (love that series!). It certainly has some interesting implications for Discovery’s future, but overall it felt out of place in the lore. Despite that, this is probably the strongest of the Short Treks in writing, pacing, and emotional impact. Give me a love story with an AI/robot any day of the week.

Short Treks: Brightest Star

This was the one episode of the first batch of Treks that I was most excited about seeing. I think the strongest character and ideas of this new era of Star Trek is the character of Saru and his people, the Kelpiens and their predatory “overlords”, the Ba’ul. The planet dynamics of these species and how they’ve evolved together, and the mystery of how they are inexplicably linked is absolutely fascinating to me. Unfortunately, I feel like the writers really squandered the full potential of the ideas, which disappointed me greatly. 😞However, despite my disappointment, I did enjoy this story, albeit it was much to short. I think it needed to be 20 or 30 mins to really give the full impact of Saru’s struggle as an unusual Kelpien who looks up at the stars and speaks to them. But we don’t really get an explanation of how Saru is able to understand technology at all. We just have to accept that “he’s different”, so he just has the ingenuity to figure things out. I would have loved to have seen him when he was younger giving us examples of how his unorthodox thinking manifested in other ways in order for us to believe that he would be smart and capable enough to tinker and use technology beyond his people’s understanding. It would have also given us a chance to really immerse ourselves in the culture and mindset of the Kelpiens, to understand the psychology that shapes Saru’s very identity. In short, WE NEEDED MOAR KELPIENS AND SARU.

Overall, though, this episode was one of the very few that felt the most like Star Trek, as it exemplifies themes of questioning, seeking, searching, and asking and how that curiosity can lead us to worlds and realms beyond - that we are made for so much more than we could possibly imagine. 

This story also gave me Isaac Asimov vibes, which was cool.

Short Treks: The Escape Artist

This one was really disappointing and, frankly, very dull. Don’t get me wrong, Rainn Wilson does a fabulous Harry Mudd. He really adds nuance and cleverness to a character that originally was pretty one dimensional and campy. However, this was the one episode that NEEDED to be shorter, as it went on for far too long, and the pay off wasn’t worth it. It also left me feeling like, what was even the point? Why did they make this short story about Harry Mudd without telling us anything new about him? Yeah, we know he is conniving con man, we get it. It also doesn’t make sense continuity wise in Star Trek because I thought Doctor Noonien Soong was the leading roboticist/android expert, and Data wasn’t anywhere near to looking as life-like as Mudd’s replicas. Somehow Mudd is able to create perfect hosts-from-Westworld androids that sweat, bleed, bruise, and otherwise act like organic matter, able to express the full nuanced range of human emotion as to be clone-like duplicates of himself. Um. Okay??? I guess this lone con man fugitive has made these ingenious and world-shattering discoveries and inventions in robotics and technology. Yep.

Short Treks: Q&A

The absolute best of the Short Treks, IMLTHO. (Yeah, I may be biased...) You can read my thoughts on this episode here: X. 

Short Treks: The Trouble With Edward

Yeah. So this one is W-E-I-R-D, even by Star Trek’s standards. I also didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why it was made or why it took the tone that it did. It was funny, yeah, uncomfortably amusing, like we were watching The Office: Star Trek Edition, but WHY. Did someone ask for this? What is going on? WHY DID THEY HAVE THAT PARODY CHILDREN’S CEREAL COMMERCIAL AT THE END ABOUT EATING TRIBBLES WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

It also doesn’t fit continuity-wise in the timeline. If someone at Starfleet was responsible for making tribbles the way that they are, then how come Kirk and the Enterprise weren’t notified as such? McCoy was the one who examined and discovered why they were breeding so much, but he could have just looked up Starfleet’s records apparently and got all the answers he needed. 

I’m not one of those fans who gets upset about continuity errors in world building, but really, there are just some things you should obviously know better not to do. 

Personally, I think the writer’s room was on Stamet’s mushrooms when they wrote this one, tbh. 😉

Short Treks: Ask Not

This was one was just ridiculous. The scenario wasn’t plausible, it was predictable, and the implications were kind of disturbing. For one, we all knew Captain Pike hadn’t turned. Yes, this perfect, plush, teddy bear of a man who is THE NUMBER ONE Space Dad of All Timeᵀᴹ who has absolute, unwavering integrity and honor is someone we are supposed to buy as having committed mutiny, or at least convince us that Cadet Thira Sidhu buys this obvious load of malarky. 

Uh, I don’t think so.

Also...THIS IS SO MESSED UP WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR CADETS. Why would you put them through this manipulative farce just to test their devotion, commitment, and integrity?! If I were this cadet I would be seriously angry and upset that I was tricked and made to go through the emotional turmoil, trauma, and distress of standing up against your commanding officer in a life endangering scenario! What the heck?? What sick, perverted, twisted mind thought of this cruel -

Oh.

Haha, okay so I think it is kind of hilarious just how merciless Number One is that she would actually come up with this kind of test. This episode was TOTALLY worth the little Spock and Number One Mutual Appreciation Society moment, as Spock, with stars in his eyes, admires Number One’s cutthroat tactics. I mean in AOS, Spock did come up with the Kobayashi Maru so it is all making sense. However, at least in the Kobayashi Maru the cadets knew they were taking a test. Cadet Thira Sidhu did not. The lighthearted and warm fuzzy ending to this episode did not at all jive with what had just happened. It would have been much more interesting to have dealt with the implications of Number One’s test on the cadets, while expanding on her character as well as telling us why Pike would even partake of and allow this to happen, but oh well. 

Short Treks: Ephraim and Dot

The idea? Creative. The characters? Cute. The animation? Really nice with an old school flair. And yet I was once again left feeling like what was the point? I mean I’m sure 3-5 year olds would enjoy watching this little short, like something akin to Looney Tunes IN SPACE, but really there wasn’t much substance here. Frankly, it just seemed like it was a nostalgia trip and Easter egg dump. 

Short Treks: The Girl Who Made The Stars

This is another very creative idea with excellent animation and an interesting look into Michael’s childhood and the ideas that shaped her. I suppose it accomplishes what it sets out to do, and is pretty effective, but personally it didn’t do much for me. It was sweet and inspirational and that’s about it. 

Short Treks: Children of Mars

This was a prologue of sorts before Picard begins, and so it was interesting to have our first look into what we will come to expect from that series. It was, undoubtedly, emotionally effecting, as it actually brought tears to my eyes. However, I did have an issue with it and I was trying to figure out what that was. I then realized - it felt like a commercial. Like one of those long commercials that tells a poignant little story in order to sell an idea or product, whatever it may be. It was too glossy, stylized, and seemed like it could be used as a kind of propoganda-esque promotion of Starfleet and its ideals. I know that is a kind of cynical way of viewing it, but that is how it felt to me in the way it chose to tell its story. I think if the girls had been allowed to be real characters we could have immersed ourselves in their story and what the both of them ended up having to face together in the end. It would have felt much more real and earnest, instead of just tugging at our heartstrings in a syrupy kind of way. 

Also, it kind of gave me The Expanse vibes. Just an observation. 

Conclusion

These Short Treks, and subsequently the CBS era of the Star Trek franchise, are a really weird mix bag for me. On one hand, I do admire their creative risks as they decide to try new ways of telling Star Trek stories, which I know not all those in the fandom appreciate or desire. Yet on the other hand, most of the time the writing is just poorly done and generic, so it all seems to just cancel itself out. 😕

Creating memorable, enjoyable, and original characters: 100%

The level of Feelzᵀᴹ felt from the storytelling and acting: 1000%

Creativity through set, costumes, and stylistic approaches and ideas: 100%

Writing: Subpar, 20%

Science: Not Even Science

In the end it seems like those running this new era of Star Trek have a lot of heart, but not enough analytical thinking or patience to take the time to build the necessary character and plot logic that makes for much more satisfying storytelling. Just saying “Space, the final frontier” a thousand times doesn’t make this Star Trek, and making us feel things through excellently composed music and acting isn’t good writing. (Also, people saying that they love science all the time doesn’t mean they are actually doing science!) So, I don’t expect much from this CBS era, but I’ll be watching it and enjoying it anyway. I’m Star Trek trash. What can I say?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Source for images: X

[upontheshelfreviews]

Last year I talked about Fantasia, which is not just one of my favorite Disney movies, but one of my favorite movies in general. And if I may be self-indulgent for a moment, it’s also one of the reviews that I’m the proudest of. Fantasia is a visual, emotional masterpiece that marries music and art in a manner few cinematic ventures have come close to replicating. One question that remains is what my thoughts on the long-gestated sequel is –

…you might wanna get yourselves some snacks first.

As anyone who read my review on the previous film knows, Fantasia was a project ahead of its time. Critics and audiences turned their noses up at it for conflicting reasons, and the film didn’t even make it’s budget back until twenty-something years later when they began marketing it to a very different crowd.

“I don’t wanna alarm you dude, but I took in some Fantasia and these mushrooms started dancing, and then there were dinosaurs everywhere and then they all died, but then these demons were flying around my head and I was like WOOOOOAAAHHH!!”

“Yeah, Fantasia is one crazy movie, man.”

“Movie?”

Fantasia’s unfortunate box office failure put the kibosh on Walt Disney’s plans to make it a recurring series with new animated shorts made to play alongside handpicked favorites. The closest he came to following through on his vision was Make Mine Music and Melody Time, package features of shorts that drew from modern music more than classical pieces.

Fast-forward nearly fifty years later to the golden age known as the Disney Renaissance: Walt’s nephew Roy E. Disney surveys the new crop of animators, storytellers, and artists who are creating hit after hit and have brought the studio back to his uncle’s glory days, and thinks to himself, “Maybe now we can make Uncle Walt’s dream come true.” He made a good case for it, but not everyone was on board. Jeffrey Katzenberg loathed the idea, partly because he felt the original Fantasia was a tough act to follow (not an entirely unreasonable doubt) but most likely due to the fact that the last time Disney made a sequel, The Rescuers Down Under, it drastically underperformed (even though the reasons for that are entirely Katzenberg’s fault. Seriously, watch Waking Sleeping Beauty and tell me you don’t want to punch him in the nose when Mike Gabriel recalls his opening weekend phone call).

Once Katzenberg was out of the picture, though, Fantasia 2000, then saddled with the less dated but duller moniker Fantasia Continued, got the go-ahead. Many of the sequences were made simultaneously as the animated features my generation most fondly remembers, others were created to be standalone shorts before they were brought into the fold. Since it was ready in time for the new millennium, it not only got a name change but a massive marketing campaign around the fact that it would be played on IMAX screens for a limited run, the very first Disney feature to do so. As a young Fantasia fan who had never been to one of those enormous theaters before, I begged and pleaded my parents to take me. Late that January, we traveled over to the IMAX theater at Lincoln Center, the only one nearest to us since they weren’t so widespread as they are now, and what an experience it was. I can still recall the feeling of awe at the climax of Pines of Rome, whispering eagerly with my mom at how the beginning of Rhapsody in Blue looked like a giant Etch-A-Sketch, and jumping twenty feet in the air when the Firebird’s massive eyes popped open. But did later viewings recapture that magic, or did that first time merely color my perception?

We open on snippets from the original Fantasia…IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!

It reminds me a little of the opening to Simply Mad About The Mouse, where bits of classic Disney nostalgia fly about to evoke the mood of this upcoming musical venture. In a clever conceit, snippets of Deems Taylor’s original opening narration explaining Fantasia’s intent and music types plays over the orchestra and animators materializing and gearing up for the first sequence, which jumps right into –

DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN – I mean, Symphony #5 – Ludwig Van Beethoven

Here, a bunch of butterflies flee and then fight off swarms of bats with the power of light – I can’t be the only one who saw these things and thought it was butterflies vs. bats, right?

It does look cool with its waterfalls and splashes of light and color bursting through the clouds, but this brings me to a bit of contention I have with the movie.

When I planned this review I was going to do a new version of “Things Fantasia Fans Are Sick of Hearing”, except there were only four major complaints I could think of that. On further introspection, I admit they are legitimate grievances worth addressing. I’m going to get them out of the way all at once in order to keep things rolling.

#1 – This Seems Familiar…

Certain sequences are noticeably derivative from the first movie. It’s as if they were afraid of trying too many new things that would alienate audiences so they borrowed from their predecessor in an effort to say “Hey, we can do this too!” Symphony #5 is clearly trying to be Tocatta and Fugue with its abstract geometric shapes swooping all over to kick things off. Though I love how much character the animators managed to give two pairs of triangles, Tocatta’s soaring subconscious flights of fancy leaves me more enthralled. Carnival of the Animals literally began as a sequel to Dance of the Hours until the ostriches became flamingoes. And Roy E. Disney openly stated he wanted the last sequence, The Firebird Suite to have the same death and rebirth theme as Night on Bald Mountain/Ave Maria, which they got, right down to a terrifying symbol of destruction emerging from a mountain to wreak chaos.

‘Sup, witches?

#2 – Too Short

Speaking of repeating the past, the original idea for Fantasia 2000 was to follow Walt’s vision in that three favorite segments would make a return amongst the newer ones – the Nutcracker Suite, which was eventually cut for time, Dance of the Hours, which I’ve already stated morphed into Carnival of the Animals, and finally, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the obvious choice to keep since that’s the most popular piece out of any of them. Cutting things for time doesn’t make that much sense, however, when you realize that Fantasia 2000’s runtime is only 75 minutes. A very short animated film by today’s standards that lasts barely half as long as its previous installment. I don’t see why they couldn’t keep at least one other sequence from the first Fantasia to make things last a little longer and keep in the original idea’s spirit.

#3 – All Story, No Experimentation

Unlike the first Fantasia, all of the sequences have a linear narrative structure that’s easy to follow. Not a bad thing and kudos to you if you’re among that group who prefers Fantasia 2000 for because of that, but again, I admire how the original film didn’t stick to a coherent story the whole time; how it was unafraid to let the music, atmosphere, and visuals speak for itself without sticking to a three-act plot and designated protagonist for every piece.

#4 – The One You’ve Been Waiting For, The Host Segments

One of the things that turned Fantasia off for its detractors was Deems Taylor’s seemingly dry narration. But maybe Fantasia 2000 can fix that with some folks who are hip and with it, perhaps a wild and crazy guy or two…

Eh, he’ll do.

Now, the idea of varying segment hosts isn’t an altogether bad idea. Most of them work well: Angela Lansbury gives the lead-in to the Firebird Suite plenty of gravitas befitting the finale, as do Ithzak Perlman, Quincy Jones, and James Earl Jones, who build plenty of intrigue for Pines of Rome, Rhapsody in Blue and Carnival of the Animals respectively; this seriousness makes James’ reaction to what the Carnival segment is really about a successful comic subversion. Even Penn and Teller for all their obnoxiousness kind of works with The Sorcerer’s Apprentice due to the linking magic theme.

I suppose what turns people off is the self-congratulatory tone and seemingly forced attempts at comedy you get from Martin, Penn, Teller, and Bette Midler. But you know what? They still make me laugh after all these years (well, you have to laugh at Bette Midler’s antics or she’ll come after you when the Black Flame Candle is lit). In fact, I have to hand it to Midler’s intro in particular. Fantasia 2000 came out right around the time I began taking a keen interest in what animation really was and how it was made. For me, her preceding The Steadfast Tin Soldier piece with tidbits about Fantasia segments that didn’t make it past the drawing board was like the first free hit that turned me into an animation junkie (plus this was before you could look up anything on the topic in extraneous detail on the internet, so it had that going for it). If I have to nitpick, though, The Divine Miss M referring to Salvador Dalí as “the melting watches guy” is a bit reductive. That’d be like calling Babe Ruth “the baseball guy” or Walt Disney “the mouse and castle guy”. Plus, Dalí and Disney were close compadres with a layered history. They planned on many collaborations, though the fruit of their labors, Destino, would not be completed in either of their lifetimes. Couldn’t show just a modicum of respect there, Bette?

Ahhh! I take it back! Don’t steal my soul!

So, I wouldn’t say I hate or even completely dislike the host segments. Sorry to disappoint everyone who was hoping for me to rip into them. They’re not awful, just uneven. And if you think they ruin the movie for me, you’ve got another think coming.

Pines of Rome – Ottorino Respighi

The idea for Pines of Rome’s visuals came about due to an unusual detail in some concept art. Someone noticed that a particular cloud in a painting of the night sky heavily resembled a flying whale. So why make a short about flying whales? The better question would be why NOT make a short about flying whales? A supernova in the night sky miraculously gives some whales the ability to swim through the air over the icy seas. Again, seeing this in IMAX was incredible. There’s just one minor issue I have with. This and another segment were developed well before Pixar made its silver screen debut, and unfortunately, it shows twenty years later; the worst cases are the close-ups.

Okay, who put googly eyes on the moldy beanbag?

There are ways of blending CGI and hand-drawn animation well, and this isn’t one of them. I understand the necessity of having expressive eyes but simply dropping one on top of a CGI creature gives it a bit of an uncanny valley feel. They should have either stuck with traditional all the way or made the whales entirely CG. The CG animation of the whales themselves isn’t too shabby, so they could have pulled it off.

Because simply giving whales flight apparently isn’t enough to hold an audience’s interest, we have an adorable baby whale earning his wings, so to speak. Once he gets his bearings above the surface, he swoops ahead of his family and bothers a flock of seagulls. They chase him into a collapsing iceberg, leaving him trapped, alone and unable to fly. The quiet dip in the music combined with the image of this lost little calf adds some genuine emotional weight to this piece. The baby navigates the iceberg’s claustrophobic caverns until he finds a crevice that elevates him back to his worried parents. From there a whole pod of whales rises out of the ocean to join them as they fly upwards to the supernova’s source.

“So long, and thanks for all the krill!”

As the music reaches its brilliant crescendo, the whales plow through storm clouds until they reach the top of the world and breach through the stars like water. It’s an awe-inspiring climax of a short that, flaws and all, reminds you of what Fantasia is all about.

Majestic.

Rhapsody in Blue – George Gershwin

The music of jazz composer George Gershwin? Timeless. The art of renowned caricaturist Al Hirschfeld? Perfection. All this brought to life with the best animation Disney has to offer? It’s a match made in heaven. Eric Goldberg, who animated the Genie among other comedic characters, idolized Hirschfeld and drew plenty of inspiration from drawings, so getting to work alongside him while making this was nothing short of a dream come true. That attention to detail in rendering Hirschfeld’s trademark curvy two-dimensional style goes beyond mere homage. It is a love letter to a great artist that encapsulates everything about him and his craft, and to a great city that we both had the honor of calling home. The story goes that Goldberg screened the final product for Hirschfeld shortly before his 96th birthday and his wife told him after that it was the best gift he could have ever received.

All this to say I am quite fond of this particular short, thank you very much.

The piece follows four characters navigating 1930’s Manhattan and crossing paths over the course of a single day:

Duke, a construction worker torn between his steady, monotonous job and following his dream of drumming in a jazz band,

Joe, a victim of the Great Depression desperately looking for work,

Rachel, a little girl who wants to spend time with her parents but is forced to attend lesson after lesson by her strict governess,

and “Flying” John, a henpecked husband longing to be free from his overbearing wife –

And her little dog too!

By the way, John is modeled in name and in looks after Disney animation historian John Culhane, who also was the inspiration for The Rescuers’ Mr. Snoops, hence why the two look so similar. He’s not the only name who appears in this sequence: Gershwin himself makes a surprise cameo as he takes over Rachel’s piano solo halfway through the story.

Speaking of, my family used to compare me to Rachel because at that point in my young life I was doing or already did the same mandatory activities as she – swimming, ballet, music, sports, all with the same amount of speed and varying degrees of success.

No one can argue that art is where we both excelled, however.

The physical timing of Rhapsody in Blue’s animation is hilarious, though it doesn’t rely wholly on slapstick for its humor. The sight gags and clever character dynamics all weaved into the music milk plenty of laughs, and envelop you in this living, breathing island that is Manhattan.

I speak from experience, this is the most accurate depiction of commuting on the 1 train that there ever was.

Even with such a premise and two masters of combining comedy and art, there is still enough pathos to keep the story rooted. Take when all four characters are at their lowest point. They look down on some skaters in Rockefeller Center and picture themselves in their place fulfilling their deepest desires. Seeing their dreams so close in their minds and yet so far away while paired with the most stirring part of the score is heartwrenching.

In the end, things pick up as the characters unwittingly solve each other’s problems. Duke quits the construction site, leaving an opening for Joe to fill. Joe accidentally snags John’s wife on a hook and hauls her screaming into the air, allowing him one night of uninhibited fun at the club where Duke performs.

“Anyone hear something? Nah, it’s probably just me.”

Rachel loses her ball while fighting with her nanny, which Duke bounces off the window of her parents’ office, which in turn gets them to notice their daughter about to run into traffic and they save her. Everyone gets their happy ending and it ends on a spectacularly glamorous shot of Time Square lit up in all its frenetic neon glory.

And not a single knockoff costumed character hitting up tourists for photos. Those were the days, my friend.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I adore Rhapsody in Blue. It’s easily my favorite part of the movie; a blissful ménage-a-trois of art style, music and storytelling, and it’s so New York that the only New York things I could think of that are missing are Central Park and amazing bagels. This sequence is gut-busting, energized, emotional, and mesmerizing in its form. I don’t often say I love a piece of animation so much that I’d marry it, but when I do, it’s often directed at Rhapsody in Blue.

  Piano Concerto #2 – Dmitri Shostakovich (aka The One With The Steadfast Tin Soldier)

This piece has an interesting history attached to it. Disney wanted to do an animated film surrounding Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tales – including The Little Mermaid and The Steadfast Tin Soldier – as far back as the 30’s, but the project fell by the wayside. During Fantasia 2000’s production, Roy E. Disney asked if they could do something with Shostakovich’s Piano Concerto #2 since he and his daughter were attached to that piece. He looked over sketches and storyboards made for the unrealized Tin Soldier sequence and discovered the music matched in perfect time with the story.

This is the second sequence that features CGI at the forefront. Unlike Pines of Rome, though, it works because the main characters are toys, and you can get away with your early CGI looking shiny and metallic and plastic-like when you’re animating toys.

Hell, it worked for Pixar.

The story centers on a tin soldier cast with only one leg who is shunned by his comrades for routinely throwing off their groove. He falls in love with a porcelain ballerina when he mistakes her standing en pointe as her also missing a limb. Despite his embarrassment when he learns the truth, the ballerina is enamored with him as well. This rouses the jealousy of an evil jack-in-the-box who I swear is a caricature of Jeffrey Katzenberg minus the glasses but with a goatee and Lord Farquaad wig.

“MUST. CHOP. EVERYTHING!!!”

The jack-in-the-box and the soldier duke it out for a bit before the former sends the latter flying out the window in a little wooden boat. The boat floats the soldier into the sewers and attracts a horde of angry rats who attack him, because animated rodents seem to have a natural hatred towards toy soldiers.

Case in point.

The soldier hurtles into the sea where he’s eaten by a fish – which is caught the following morning, packed up to be sold at market, bought by the cook who works at the very house he came from, and he falls out of the fish’s mouth on the floor where his owner finds him and places him back with the rest of the toys. Now the story this is based on hints that the jack-in-the-box is really a goblin who orchestrates the soldier’s misfortunes with his malicious magic. But based the extremely coincidental circumstances of his return home, I’d say the soldier’s the one who’s got some reality-warping tricks up his sleeve.

The soldier and jack-in-the-box duel again that evening, but this time the harlequin harasser falls into the fireplace and burns up. Our hero gets the girl and lives happily ever after. A nice conclusion, though a far cry from what happened in the original tale: the ballerina is knocked into the fire, the soldier jumps in after her, and all that remains of them by morning is some melted tin in the shape of a heart. I gotta say, for all my love of classic fairytales, Disney made the right call. Andersen’s life was far from magical and it reflected in his stories, making many of them depressing for no good reason. The triumphant note the music ends on also would have clashed horribly if they stuck with the original. Even the Queen of Denmark agreed with Disney’s decision to soften their adaptations of Andersen’s work. I don’t know if I’d call The Steadfast Tin Soldier one of my very favorite parts of Fantasia 2000, but in the end, s’all right.

  Carnival of the Animals: Finale – Camille Sant-Saëns

This shortest of shorts (clocking in at less than two minutes) kicks off with James Earl Jones asking with as much seriousness as he can muster from the situation, what would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos?

The answer –

Good answer!

Fie on those who dismiss this part as a silly one-off that doesn’t belong here. Fie, I say! It’s a pure delight full of fun expressions and fluid fast-paced action. Once again we have my man Eric Goldberg to thank for this, though this time he animated it entirely by himself. I’d call it a one-man show except for the fact that his wife Susan handpainted the entire thing with watercolor, making it look like it sprung to life straight from a paintbrush. It’s a simple diversion about a flamingo who wants to play with his yo-yo while the other snooty members of his flock try to force him to conform. As you can see from the still, they fail quite epically. Nothing beats the power of nonconformity and yo-yos (also every yo-yo move featured here is authentic; I love when animators go that extra mile).

  The Sorcerer’s Apprentice plays next, but since I already touched on that in the first Fantasia review, I’m skipping over it. The segment ends with Mickey congratulating Leopold Stokowski (again), then crossing the barriers of time and space to inform the conductor, James Levine, that he needs to track down the star of the next segment, Donald Duck. Levine stalls by explaining a bit about what’s to come while Mickey frantically searches for his errant costar. The surround sound sells the notion of him moving around the back of the theater accidentally causing mischief all the while. Thankfully, Donald is found and the sequence commences.

Pomp and Circumstance – Edward Elgar

This famous piece of music was included at the insistence of Michael Eisner after he attended his son’s graduation ceremony. He wanted to feature a song that everyone was already familiar with. Of course, since this was after Frank Well’s untimely passing and no one was bold enough to temper Eisner’s worst instincts with common sense, his original pitch had every animated couple Disney created up to that point marching on to Noah’s Ark – and then marching out with their babies.

Okay, A: Unless you’re doing a groin hit joke or are Ralph Bakshi or R. Crum, cartoon characters don’t have junk as a rule. And B, one of the unwritten rules of Disney animation is that barring kids that already exist like the titular 101 Dalmatians or Duchess’ kittens, the established canon couples do not in any official capacity have children.

To which Eisner laughed maniacally and vowed that they would.

But in order to placate Eisner’s desire to turn every branch of the Disney corporation into a commercial for itself, the animators compromised and agreed to do Pomp and Circumstance with the Noah’s Ark theme, BUT with only one couple – Donald and Daisy Duck. In this retelling of the biblical tale, Donald acts as Noah’s beleaguered assistant (I guess Shem, Ham, and Japheth were too busy rounding up the endangered species). Daisy provides emotional support while preparing to move on to the ark as well. It’s refreshing to see these two not losing their temper at each other for a change. I wish we got to see this side of their relationship more often. Donald returns Daisy’s easily lost plot device locket to her and as the rain rain rain comes down down down, he starts directing the animals on board; the lions, the tigers, the bears, the…ducks?

Anyway, all the animals and Donald get on board – well, most of them do.

The world’s first climate change deniers.

Donald realizes Daisy hasn’t arrived yet and runs out to look for her, unaware that she’s already boarded. Daisy sees Donald leaving but is too late to stop him before the first floodwaters hit their home. Donald made it back to the ark in time, however, though both of them believe that the other is forever lost to them. I find it astounding that they never run into each other not even once during the forty days and forty nights they’re cooped up on that boat. It’s the American Tail cliche all over again, and well, at least it’s happening in a short and not the entire movie.

Soon the ark lands atop Mount Ararat and the animals depart in greater numbers than when they embarked on their singles cruise. Daisy realizes halfway down the mountain that she’s lost her locket again, which Donald finds at that very moment while sweeping up, and the two are joyously reunited.

“I thought you were dead!” “I thought YOU were dead!”

I kid around, but I truly enjoy this short a lot. There’s so much warmth to Donald and Daisy’s relationship that makes their reunion at the end all the sweeter, and there’s plenty of great slapstick to offset the drama in the meantime. I will admit it’s nice to hear there’s more to Pomp And Circumstance than just the famous march, and the entire suite matches flawlessly with the visuals, though the main theme itself is so ingrained into the public consciousness that it’s difficult to extricate it from that what we’ve seen accompany it countless times.

Come on, you all know what I’m talking about.

“What? Don’t tell me YOU don’t think of heads exploding like fireworks when you hear Pomp and Circumstance! Name one other life-changing moment could you possibly associate it with…you weirdo.”

The Firebird Suite – Igor Stravinsky

Fantasia 2000 comes to a close with a piece that has some emotional resonance if you know your history. You might remember from my first Fantasia review that Igor Stravinsky was disappointed with how Rite of Spring turned out, especially since he was a big admirer of Walt Disney and really wanted to do more projects with him beforehand. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they picked his premiere ballet to end the movie on decades later. After all these years, Disney worked hard to do right by Stravinsky – with a few twists, though. Instead of a balletic retelling of Russian folktales involving kidnapped princesses and immortal sorcerers, we have a fantastical allegory for the circle of life.

No, not that circle of life.

A lone elk who I’m fairly convinced is the Great Prince of the Forest walks through the forest in the dead of winter. With his breath, he awakens the spirit of the woods and one of the most beautiful characters Disney has ever created, the Spring Sprite.

I. Love. This character. Her design is gorgeous, shifting from a shimmery opalescent blue as she steps out of the water into an eternally flowing fount of live greenery spreading from her hair in her wake. Wherever she moves, grass, flowers, and trees blossom, fulfilling the idea of a springtime goddess more than Disney’s own Goddess of Spring ever did. The Sprite was a massive influence in developing my art style, particularly in her face and expressive eyes, and I used to draw her a lot. Visit any relative of mine and chances are you’ll find a picture of her by me hanging up on a wall somewhere in their house. Yet there’s far more to her character than just a pretty representation of nature; there’s plenty of curiosity, spunk, determination, and a drive for creativity. I love her frustrated expression when she’s dissatisfied with the tiny flower she sculpts out of the ground and how her face lights up when she morphs it into a buttercup as tall as she is.

The Sprite paints the forest with all the colors of the wind (mostly green) until she reaches a mountain that isn’t affected by her magic. Perplexed, she climbs it until she finds a large hunched over rock figure – or is it an egg? – standing inside. She reaches out to touch it and…

The Sprite has awakened her counterpart, the wrathful and deadly Firebird. Think giant evil phoenix made of smoke, flame and lava. And it goes without saying that seeing this on the biggest screen left quite the terrifying impact. One of the biggest inspirations for this sequence was the eruption of Mount St. Helens (though the shot of the Sprite surveying the breadth of the Firebird’s destruction reminds me far too much of the Australian bushfires going on) and the sheer horror of nature’s irrepressible chaos is fully captured here. But the Firebird refuses to settle for merely destroying the Sprite’s handiwork, oh no. It won’t rest until creation itself is consumed, and the Sprite is reduced to a powerless mite as she scrabbles to escape the Firebird’s relentless pursuit of her. Try as she might, however, the towering monster corners and devours her in one fell swoop.

The forest is reduced to gray ashes in the wake of the Firebird’s rampage, but the Great Prince has survived. Once again he brings the Sprite to life with his breath, only this time she is tiny and weak (the animation of her slowly developing from the ash into her huddled ragged form is breathtaking). Now, I didn’t think I’d get emotional revisiting a small part of a single movie I’ve rewatched countless times before but viewing this through a mature eye combined with the beauty of the Firebird Suite’s climax and its timely message has caused me to see it in a new light:

The Sprite is utterly broken by what she’s been through and the destruction she carelessly caused. She’s lost all faith in herself and in the idea of returning the forest to what it once was. Even so, the Prince gently insists on carrying her on his antlers to the remains of their favorite cherry blossom tree. Where her tears fall, grass shoots begin to sprout. This fills the Sprite with hope, and she soars into the air becoming one with the sky and rains life down on the forest. New trees burst from the earth. The air is filled with leaves and pollen and new life flowing from her essence. The Sprite’s joy and power grow so strong that she even encircles the Firebird’s mountain in all her verdant glory. Life and creation overcome death and destruction. It’s not Night on Bald Mountain/Ave Maria, but it’s close.

And unfortunately, that’s the biggest problem Fantasia 2000 has.

While working on the original Fantasia, a storyman made the mistake of referring to the work they were doing in “the cartoon medium” in Walt’s presence. Walt turned on him and snapped “This is NOT ‘the cartoon medium’. It should not be limited to cartoons. We have worlds to conquer.”

And conquer they did…just not the way Walt intended.

The point I’m trying to make is Walt was breaking new ground and experimenting with things nobody ever tried when it came to Fantasia. While those risks were initially deemed a failure, it eventually gained the recognition it deserved from the animation and filmmaking community. Any attempt to recreate the magic of Fantasia is no small feat. But rather than taking new risks that not even the first film dared, the studio opted to adhere to Fantasia’s formula with pieces that recall if not flat out copy from the original segments. I hesitate to call it a pale imitation or cash grab however because this was done for the art much more than the money (though Eisner was probably hoping it would bring in some bank). There’s even a little bit of depth to it: while the first Fantasia had themes of differing natures in conflict – light vs. dark, fire vs. water, etc. – Fantasia 2000’s theme is accidental but brilliantly meta: CGI vs. traditional animation, a conflict Disney would become very familiar with in the decade following the film’s release. In some ways, it reminds me of Epcot’s genesis. The driving force behind it was long gone, but the attempt to bring it to life as close to the original vision as possible is still much appreciated.

For all my gripes, I really do enjoy Fantasia 2000. Perhaps not on the same level as its predecessor, but it has its moments, oh yes. And believe me, as far as Disney sequels go, you could do far, far, far worse than this one. Fantasia 2000 is Fantasia’s kid sister mimicking its beloved older sibling in an attempt to show it can be cool like the big kids too. But hey, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this review, please consider supporting this misfit on Patreon. Patreon supporters receive great perks such as extra votes for movie reviews, movie requests, early sneak-peeks and more! If I can hit my goal of $100 a month, I can go back to weekly tv series reviews. As of now, I’m only $20 away! Special thanks to Amelia Jones, Gordhan Rajani and Sam Minden for their contributions! I’ll see you in a few weeks when I and review the 1959 Disney animated classic, Sleeping Beauty!

Artwork by Charles Moss.

Screencaps from animationscreencaps.com

Yes, I know The Lion King and Lady and the Tramp ended with the titular characters having babies, but was there anyone out there apart from Eisner who demanded there be sequels to those films that focused on their offspring?

January Review: Fantasia 2000 Last year I talked about Fantasia, which is not just one of my favorite Disney movies, but one of my favorite movies in general.

[ill-skillsgard]

Patterns in the Ivy, Part 5 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Patterns in the Ivy

Description: A continuation of Smoke & Money. Ghosts from the not-so-distant past come back to threaten her. She must choose between a lavish life of servitude or have everything she ever loved stripped away.

Warning: 18+ smut/swearing/mentions of drugs/kink & fetish themes

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

I stared up into the waters to see golden fish swimming overhead. Creatures with ribbons for fins swam in and out of the orange and pink coral. We walked through a hall of blue and sparkling reflection cast over our faces like a living dream. The sky was the ocean and we stood among it, pointing at all of the angelfish and technicolor anemone. Bill held her hand almost the entire time. I wasn't sure what to be more fascinated by, the enormous aquarium or Ivany and her father. It was more like a dream than any of the breathtaking underwater worlds we wandered through. I was more transfixed on them than I was the sharks darting about. They were in heaven together. Bill lifted Ivany so she could see the floor of the aquariums where the crabs were and to see the interesting facts about all of the fish that were framed on the handrails. I watched as they went from picture to picture— Bill reading each blurb out loud so that she could listen and look for the fish that matched the description. He would congratulate her any time she pointed out the creature in question with an amused smile. Ivany gasped and laughed and shouted, "Mommy look at that one! That one looks so weird." There was an exhibit the kids could go to where they were allowed to see reptiles and amphibians up close so Bill and I hung back while Ivany had her fun getting grossed out by snakes, toads, and newts. "Thank you," Bill said to me and it felt like the first time we had spoken all day. He had been so enraptured with Ivany that his attention was only on her and truthfully, I didn't mind it. "For what?" I said laughingly. Bill pulled me closer to him and let his hand swerve down my spine and over my ass. I was wearing an airy grey dress that ruched at the hips and did a good job of framing my curves. Bill made a point to whisper his admiration about the way the dress looked on my body before we left on our trip. It left me feeling bubbly all day when he squeezed me and bit his lip, giving me that threateningly sexual look that meant he was planning on having his way with me as soon as we had time alone. "Thank you for creating her for me." He nodded towards where our daughter was learning about tree frogs. "Thank yourself," I said to him. "She looks like you, after all. She's more like you every day." "I want to get her name changed as soon as possible," Bill stated, avoiding my eyes in a moment that was rather unlike him. "She needs my last name." Bill was typically assertive and had no qualms with making demands but he had an air of nervousness about him when he said that. I stared up at him until he finally looked back at me. "Of course. We'll get it done." "When should we tell her?" He asked. "Give it a little while longer. You two still hardly know each other. It won't take long before she falls in love with you." "I already love her," he whispered to me. I stared at him and he stared at me, holding me with one arm as we casually stood by in waiting. I thought at that moment, I had never wanted Bill so badly. I thought I could cry right there but I didn't. He was as bright as the Sun to me and without him, I would wilt. Those commanding eyes of green could read me, melt me and make me do things I never thought I would want to do and when they looked at our daughter, I was in love. After the aquarium, Bill took us out to eat at a restaurant at the top of an enormous skyscraper. It was a swanky five-star eatery that had a lot of menu items to appease patrons with sophisticated appetites but nothing for a four-year-old that only wanted fries. I convinced Ivany to get the pumpkin ravioli with crème fraîche after Bill had ordered us two glasses of wine and a raspberry hibiscus juice. "Are you sure they don't have fries in this place? Can't they make them? Why do they have no fries?" Ivany nagged us. "Ivany, I think you should just be grateful to have food to eat." I admonished gently. When the server came back to pour our wine and take our orders I went first and asked for the wild mushroom risotto with okra and toasted walnuts. Bill looked at Ivany who still had a look of disappointment on her face. I almost laughed as I watched him caved for her charm for the first time ever. "Can we get some French fries?" Bill asked. "Um, sir. We don't have French fries here." The server explained. "I realize that but if you could just have the kitchen staff make them, that would be greatly appreciated." I watched in horror as the server fumbled with what to say to Bill. "Sir, we are only able to prepare the items on the menu with certain minor alterations to suit allergies." "Look... I don't care what it costs," Bill said through clenched teeth. "Grab any kind of potato, cut it into pieces and fry them. Any five-star chef can handle that, I'm sure." "Certainly sir, I will do my best." "And I'll have the Ahi tuna. Thank you." He concluded, adjusting the neck of his tie like it was becoming too tight. I watched the server walk away as fast as he could without appearing too desperate to get out of the sniper line that was Bill's glower. I blinked at him in disbelief. "Bill, I hardly think that was necessary," I told him. He rubbed his long hands together smoothly and looked at Ivany who was beaming with excitement. "My princess wants fries. My princess gets fries." I watched her little cheeks glow. I could only imagine what was going through her head as she witnessed the first time her Father used his power to get what he wanted and thought, she doesn't even know the half of it. "Ivy, did you enjoy your time at the aquarium?" I asked her. "Yes, it was so fun. Especially the ugly fish. I liked them because I don't think anyone else does." Bill smiled and looked between us. He was seated in front of us at the table so his eyes wandered back and forth, observing, brightening, squinting when he was in thought. "Ivy?" Bill asked, cocking his head slightly to one side. "It's a nickname," I explained. "That's lovely," he grinned at Ivany. "My sweet Ivy." Our daughter couldn't hide a shy smile. I could tell she was taken with Bill and everything he did and said was working wonders for her favour. It was almost frightening to see how quickly it took for her to start regarding Bill in a fatherly way. Almost as quick as it was for me to fall under his spell again. Alas, there we sat, a picture of a perfect little family, however many flaws there were on the inside. On the outside I imagined we came off as a charming couple with a beautiful daughter with money to burn so we spent our time burning it in restaurants where salads cost thirty dollars each. On the inside, it wasn't quite so. I couldn't help but remember that Bill was holding me hostage with his wallet, the threat of a custody battle and his cock. It hadn't been a week since I had called my boss to tell him I wasn't coming back to work but it felt like ages ago when we sat around the table surrounded by sculptures of foxes and hens, modern art and low-hanging blown glass chandeliers, talking about all the fun we had on our excursion to the aquarium. I had never felt so natural in such an unnatural setting. We were all getting along consummately, Ivany with her sage eyes stuck to Bill, ears piqued for anything he had to say and me with his leg rubbing against mine beneath the table. When our food arrived I held my breath. Bill looked over it all and then settled his eyes on Ivany's plate. The server cleared his throat, "crispy baked heirloom potato wedges with avocado oil and fresh rosemary, for the young lady." "Thank you," I said to the server in place of Bill's silence. Ivany seemed happy with what was in front of her and that was satisfying enough for him. We ate and talked and by the time we were done I had forgotten about the taste of the food because I was enjoying just listening to their voices. There was so much to look at in the restaurant but all of our attentions were on each other. Towards the end of our dinner, Bill excused himself to make a phone call and when he got back to the table he asked if we were ready to leave. "Where are we going now?" Ivany asked Bill as we descended in a glass elevator all the way down to the main floor of the building. "We're going to stay the night in a hotel and you get to have your very own room." He told her. I raised my eyebrows at him in a way only he could interpret. I was completely unaware of all of the plans that he had made and was just following along. Bill had insisted he take us out for a day so I assumed he already had everything set in place. Once his car pulled up, a gun-metal black Cadillac CTS- a car that was rather sporty compared to anything else I had seen him in, he opened the door and allowed us to get in before he did. We reached the hotel but not before Ivany passed out on the drive there. I unbuckled her from her booster seat and carried her in my arms while Bill had our bags taken up. "Istvan Günther," He said at the front desk. I wondered if Bill owned the hotel we were staying in. I had spent some time trying to figure out exactly what it was that Bill did but I couldn't put my finger on it. All I knew was that he had an endless bank account, armed bodyguards and a lot of rich friends. In the week I had spent with him he had only received a couple of phone calls and whenever he did, he left briefly to take them. We hadn't spent enough time together for me to begin putting the pieces in place. We got to the top floor Penthouse and were let inside by an attendant. Flashbacks took me and all I could remember was the first time I walked into Bill's suite at the Mira on the West Coast. Only this time, the room wasn't staunch white with cascading walls of windows and a grand piano. It was redwood and black marble hampered room with huge leather couches surrounding an island fireplace, hand-painted carinate vases bursting with white roses on every table, exploding star chandeliers and windows that you could close with remote control. It wasn't as big or as bright as the Penthouse on the West Coast, but it was charming and not without its comforts. Bill showed us to the room that was meant for Ivany and came in with us. She had been nodding in and out of sleep so I laid her on the bed and went through her bag to find her pajamas. He looked over her sleeping form and smiled before stooping down to kiss her forehead but instead of standing back up he leaned over to me as well and whispered in my ear while his hand snaked down the front of my blouse to squeeze my breast gently. "I'll see you in the master bedroom, yes?" I looked up at with the most innocence I could possibly convey and whispered back, "yes, Daddy." He pulled some air through his teeth, apparently satisfied with my reply. I changed Ivany out of her dress and into her pajamas, pulled back the plushy duvet and laid her on the bed. She looked so tiny among the ocean of blankets, in the middle of a Queen-sized bed with six or seven pillows to use. I kissed her cheek and left the room. Bill had already made his way to the master bedroom and if I were being honest, I felt nervousness as I approached the closed door. With my hand on the crystal knob, I turned it and opened the door to see Bill waiting for me on the edge of the bed. He was smoking a cigarette, maybe his first of the day and his shirt was off. He sat with his legs widely apart, elbows on his knees so his lanky arms hung down in between, the cigarette giving off smoke in his right hand. "Lock the door," he said and I obeyed with a minuscule amount of hesitation. After I did so I watched him drag on his cigarette until it was half gone, then he stood up to put it out in a Merlot crystal cigar ashtray. When he turned back to me he had this look about him that was borderline displeased. It made me tense up until he sat back down on the edge of the bed and smirked at me. "Take off your clothes." I started by unbuttoning my blouse slowly, watching him watch me as I popped each button with enthusiasm. Then I let it fall to the floor and made with unzipping the back of my skirt so it too could fall down my legs into a ring around me. When I was left wearing nothing but my bra and panties, Bill licked his rosebud lips and leaned back on his elbows. "And the bra. Keep those panties on." He said. I felt the cold air begin to prickle my skin after I unhooked my bra all the while he watched intently, eyes sizzling when I exposed myself to him. He had this wordless way of making me feel sexy with but a look and a swipe of his tongue over his bottom lip. He was so handsome and the way his legs just shot out and his arms dangled between them made me long to be under his touch. Even without saying much of anything I knew that I wanted to please him as best as I could. I was a call girl again. I was twenty-one again and I was going to do almost anything this man wanted because he had money and power. It helped him out immensely that he also fit the definition of Swedish Beauty. I didn't allude to it but when those peculiar eyes of his set on me I fucking melted on the inside so hotly I could feel my skin crawl and I thought I might do anything for this man... "My beautiful girl..." He said to me. Standing like a statue, I felt the first rush of blood arise to tint my cheeks, perk my nipples and train my attention on him, his body and his movements. I hung onto his every word. I was a sex toy again. When I looked down at my own naked breasts for a moment I stood back up proudly. Not only did I want the man in front of me more than I had ever wanted anything in my life, but the part that stirred me the most was also that he wanted me back ten times worse. In a way, it felt like I had a power over him that he would not admit to. There was some kind of energy that I wielded that drew this man from one side of the country to the other in the search for it. Some part of me was making him feel exactly how I was feeling for him and it was driving me wild. "Mother of my perfect child." He murmured. My chest rose and fell hard in anticipation of his praises. Simple words, yes, but to me, it was more than just endearment when it came from him. Every second he drank me in legitimized me. "Soon to be my Queen." I was a fucking Goddess again. People paid money to see me on my pedestal, flesh gleaming, blood pumping and getting ready to elicit expertly crafted personalized orgasms. This was fun for me. This was what I got off on. Maybe this was who I would always. "But when we're alone... You're my little cock-slave. Isn't that right?" Mirroring the way he stared, doe-eyed and lustful, I bit my lip and said, "yes, sir." "You would do anything to make me cum, wouldn't you? "Yes, Daddy. Anything." The awakening of a low growl echoed from his throat but he didn't move from his position seated at the edge of the bed. "Get on your knees," He commanded me. I lowered myself slowly to the carpet and sat back on my calves, awaiting my next command. From the lower angle, he looked more daunting and the shift in power was potent. He liked to have all the control. He was good at it. Power was all he knew and it suited him finely. "Now crawl to me," The carpet was soft and freshly steam-cleaned, I could almost feel the residue on my hands as I crawled towards him. He had on these ankle-high leather boots that had a dull shine to them. I approached them and when I could go no further I looked up at him. His tongue left a glistening trail of saliva over his lips. He was salivating already. My proximity to his designer boots made him straighten in the spine. "Open your mouth," He whispered. I extended my jaw and watched him begin to gather all the liquid in his mouth into a pool. Leaning over, he puckered his lips and let a stream of hot drool fall onto my tongue, then he grasped the roots of my hair and moved my head around in a circle so he could see it all sloshing around at the top of my throat. He purred with delight and then lowered my head, encouraging me to let it all drip down my chin onto my chest. He gathered me up closer to the bed and with his fingers around my throat, he instructed me to open my mouth again so he could spit into it only this time it wasn't a long, warm tip of drool, it was a harsh, foamy, cigarette-laced spit that landed more on my face than in my mouth and sprayed over my eyelids. When I looked at him his mouth was hanging open like he was having trouble breathing. He nodded down at his shoes, "spit on them." I mimicked the way he had just administered his saliva to me only I lowered myself to spit on the toe of his boot. When I did so he growled again, pleased and enthusiastic about my submission. "Such a good girl. Come here. Come sit on my lap." He said, pulling me up by my shoulders so I could sit on him. He stroked his thumbs over my nipples, kneading my breasts and staring at me with an intensity that made my skin prickle. He busied his hands with massaging me, sliding down my hips, tugging at the hem of my panties and then moving me to bend over his other knee so he could fondle at the fabric covering me. "Look at these little panties," he said more to himself than to me. I moaned softly when his hand trailed the length of my spine, curving over my cheeks and down the backs of my thighs then back up so he could wedge the material up, exposing the silhouette of my already wet opening. "You haven't been a bad girl at all, but fuck do I still want to spank your ass." He told me. "Oh, Daddy, please don't hurt me. I've been so good for you." "I know, baby, but... You wear these sexy little see-through panties and it makes Daddy hope you're not using them to please other men." "I wore them for you, Daddy. Only you." "You promise?" He asked, thumb running gently up and down my clothed slit. "Yes, Daddy. I promise." "Good girl," He whispered. I sighed when he applied more pressure to my opening, trailing down to tickle my clit through the sheer material. I rose in the air so he had better access to my most sensitive spots but he only touched me as he saw fit, regardless if I was slowly beginning to grind against his thigh or not. "You like it when I rub your pussy, don't you little girl?" "Mhm," I said, voice heightening as he continued stroking me through my panties. He adjusted my position so that I was straddling his thigh and he raked his nails down my back, stopping at the edge of my panties again so he could gather them up and pull on them so I felt it straining taut against my pussy. He used his other hands to grope my ass, squeezing one cheek and then the other, making it bounce and jiggle in his grip. "I want that pussy so wet. I want you to soak right through those little panties. Can you do that for me?" His breath was hot on my ear. He continued his stroking and fondling, giving me little smacks that made my curves wiggle and he purred in my ear as I swiveled my hips on his leg. "Yes baby, grind that pussy on my leg. That's good." It was easy to get turned on with Bill whispering filth into my ear, pulling at my only piece of clothing and spreading me apart while I leaned against him with my spine curved away from my ribcage. When I started to whimper for more of his touch he instructed me to stand up so he could examine the stain I had left on the leg of his light grey fleck weave trousers. When he saw it his eyes rolled with arousal and he pulled at me so I could kneel in front of him again. When I was eye-level with his crotch I noticed he was already hard. "Fuck baby, look at how hard you've made me." He said, voice low and sinister yet I delighted to hear him say it. I let my hands trail up his legs as he worked on undoing his belt and the front of his pants but before he exposed himself to me he leaned over, hand on the back of my neck and asked, "do you want Daddy's cock in your mouth?" I nodded at him and helped him pull his pants and underwear down to his ankles. Upon seeing him fully erect I couldn't help but moan as I licked a hot trail up the underside of his length, pausing at the tip to lap up the drop of pre-cum that threatened to trickle down. "Oh fuck, that's a nice girl." He leaned back on his elbows and let me take the initiative so I circled one hand around his shaft and sunk my mouth down as far as I could go while simultaneously pulling gently on him from the hilt. As I caught a rhythm he groaned and let his head fall back between his shoulder blades so all I could see were his ribs shifting beneath the skin of his torso, the smooth splay of his chest and his beautiful pale throat. The last time I had given someone a full-on blowjob had been before I met Bill for the first time but it all came back to me as soon as I started on him. The muscle memory was still there after nearly five years. Bill was practically laying down on his back when he began forcing himself further down my throat than what was immediately comfortable. When he sat up he grabbed the back of my hair and pushed my head down as he bucked his hips up, choking me off for just a moment. "Fuck baby, you suck a good cock," He growled after pulling my head back up.

 "You sure you haven't been practicing on anyone else?"

"I promise, Daddy. I'm yours." "Mhm, that's right. Mine." He loosened his grip on my strands and instead combed his fingers through them, pushing the hair out of my face so he had a full view of my lips wrapped around his throbbing shaft. It must have been getting too intense for him because he pulled out and tilted my chin up, thumb wedging my mouth open. "Spit on it." His coercion was firm. "Spit on my cock." I placed my puckered lips at the tip of his cock and pushed out all of the transparent wetness I had so it slid down in all directions, effectively coating him.  With one long hand, he held it in place so that my hands were free and I didn't have to chase after it when his length fell up against his stomach. Then he snapped his hips up, forcing himself back into my mouth. "Again. Spit on that fucking cock like you hate it." That time I gave a more dramatic flare when I spit on him, always keeping my eyes on his, letting him watch the dribble come down my tongue and chin. He agonized over the sight of me slobbering on him, raising his eyebrows like he was witnessing something sad or truly pitiful. That expression I had gotten to see a lot of the first night we ever had true, proper sex. He could go from one minute looking like a puppy to the next growling and spitting into my mouth like a snarling wolf. He got lost in the sensation and melted, his lips so flushed and pouty and then suddenly snapped out of it. Bill started thrusting his hips up frantically, slamming his cock down my throat until I started gagging and when I couldn’t take it anymore he pulled my head back and watched me gasp for air. "Oh, my dirty little fuck doll. Get up on the bed. On your hands and knees, this instant." He kicked off his boots and the pants from around his ankles while watching as I crawled up on the bed, looking back to see just what kind of look he had on his face. His eyes darkened, his teeth gnawing his lip harshly. I felt the mattress dip as he climbed onto it behind me and grabbed my panties, ripping them from my body like they were made of tissue paper. "I need that wet little cunt right fucking now," he snarled. Bill and I fucked for hours into the night. That's all I could describe it as. Hot, exhausting, raw fucking that lasted until he decided he was finished. My mascara was running in clumpy trails down my face from how hard he pounded into my throat, my ass flaming red from his spankings, throbbing with welts, my nipples felt almost just as sore from the way he had sucked them and pinched them. He fucked me so hard for so long that it felt like my pussy would never be the same. By the end of it, he coated the inside of my mouth with an enormous amount of cum that I swallowed obediently. It wasn't all harsh, violent fucking either. Bill had made absolutely certain that I came at least half a dozen times. He would be above me, thrusting into me ruthlessly and then suddenly he would pull out and back up so he could glide his tongue up and down my slit and he would whisper, "my pussy. My fucking sweet little pussy. Come for Daddy." I lost track of the hour by the time he had finished in my mouth. When I laid on the bed, sprawled out and utterly spent, I turned my head to see it was nearly 3 in the morning on the clock. I breathed in deeply through my nose and savoured the smell of our bodies, our fluids, and our beautiful little afterglow. Bill looked at me from where he was lying parallel on the bed and gave me one of the most pleasant smiles I had ever seen on his face. He grabbed my hand and beckoned me to sit up with him. "Come," was all he said as he pulled me up, leading me across the clean plush carpet to the bathroom. I stood there naked in the bathroom while he started the shower. My reflection in the mirror showed me how sloppy I looked compared to earlier in the day when I had gotten ready and did my makeup nicely so I would look good for Bill. I was red all over including the whites of my eyes. No doubt I had popped some blood vessels while trying to deep throat my overly enthusiastic lover. Bill got into the shower and let the water run over his face and down his body before looking at me curiously from inside the glass box. "Come here," he said. I entered the shower and shut the door behind me before joining him underneath the spray. He wrapped his arms around me and when I rose my head to look up at him he pressed his lips to mine and I sighed, relaxing in his embrace as he bestowed kiss after loving kiss upon my face. Slowly his hands wandered down my hips and made their way to my groin. When he grazed me with two fingers I gasped from the sensitivity and pulled my hips back. "What's wrong pretty girl? Can't handle another orgasm?" "No," I whimpered. "Oh, but Daddy thinks you can. Come on, let me make you come one more time." He rubbed at me again and the feeling of it was this painful reminiscence of all the orgasms he had exacted from me but it was not without its secret undertone of pleasure. With such an acute susceptibility to his charm and the way he looked down at me while he drew circles around my clit again, I knew that there was no resisting. Not with those green eyes sicked on me. I whimpered and begged for him to stop but it seemed to only encourage him. The more I pulled away the harder he would rub me and the more I would wince and try to sift through the hypersensitivity to dredge up the right amount of enjoyment. When Bill noticed I was having a hard time he slowed his fingers down, coiled an arm around my neck and brought his mouth to my ear. "Come on baby, I know you can do it. Come for me one more time. Come on my fingers one more time and I promise you can rest." Sharp stinging mixed with mind-numbing titillation forced me to the brink of tears. "I can't," I cried. "Yes, you can. Just relax," He whispered. "Daddy needs you to come one more time." With his entire hand flat against my pussy, he somehow managed to make it feel better and with his salacious words and his little purrs of indulgence I was able to will myself to crest the peak of another core-rattling orgasm. "Yes, yes. You're right there baby, yes. Fucking come on Daddy's fingers. Come all over my fucking hand. Are you going to come for me?" I nodded simply because I had no words as he continued his assault on me, rubbing me back and forth until I finally broke and clung to him, crying out into the crook of his neck. He let out a groan when my knees buckled and as soon as he was satisfied he took his hand away and lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around him, my throbbing clit pressing against his skin. Luckily the warm water from the shower decreased the amount of friction and I could finally breathe easily with Bill rocking me in his arms like I was a child who had just fallen and hurt herself. "I loved that," He whispered to me, mouth on my cheek and hands on my ass. "That was fucking amazing." Amidst my exhaustion, Bill washed me, taking extra care not to touch me too hard where it hurt and stroked his hands through my hair to rinse the soap away. Even though it was nearing the morning, he still had this unfathomable alertness whereas I felt completely used up. Once we were done in the shower he wrapped me in one of the big soft Egyptian cotton towels and wiped off the rest of the black residue from around my eyes gently. It hardly ever occurred to me that our daughter was asleep in the next room and we had to wake up when she did which meant we had about five hours to rest if we were lucky. Something told me that Bill would be just fine but I knew that I was going to be sleepy all day. Nevertheless, once I laid down beneath the blankets of our hotel bed with him pressed up against me I sighed, immediately relaxing into the cloud of a mattress beneath my aching body. "Goodnight, my Queen," He said softly, kissing my still wet hair. I said nothing but turned my head to give those inviting lips one more kiss before I closed my eyes and sank into sweet, dark, lavish serenity.

[theadventurousllama]

Why Wayne (2019) Was So Good!

This show was… EVERYTHING! I can’t stop thinking about it. I used my YouTube premium trial for this show and binged it all in less than a day.

Here’s why it affected me so much, because I need to talk about this.

1. Wayne is an adorable cinnamon roll who can, and will, kick butt if and when he has to. That in and of itself is a MOOD!

2. I know the writers who wrote Deadpool also wrote this, which is what made me interested in the first place, but Wayne and Wade have SO many similarities. Deadpool is one of the most complex characters I’ve ever read/watched before. And Wayne is almost as complex. Both are typically characterized by others as the bad guy but we see, as the viewers, that they are just doing what no one else has the guts to do, the right thing. They are antiheros, and I love that. So for anyone who also loves Deadpool, and you haven’t seen Wayne yet, please do. 

3. Wayne is, in my opinion, a Hufflepuff. I can see some Gryffindor, but no, Hufflepuff. I know, silly observation, but I just, AGH! He’s an adorable, bada** Hufflepuff! 

4. The violence in the show was creative! Like it wasn’t the typical “I’m gonna threaten this guy with a gun or a knife, or even a bat.” No. This kid is using gnomes on a chain, a mini hammer fueled by a giant magnet, frickin snow! It’s so creative and fresh, leaving you on the edge of your seat every second of every episode!

5. It really highlighted modern day issues and showed just how bad some of these things are today. From the first episode we see a rundown school and bullying, adolescent violence, and poverty that actually affect schools all across America and the world. They brought up immigration issues, LGBT struggles, female struggles, and so much more. The show is woke, and I love it!

6. Also, can we talk about how Orlando saw past that one girl’s head gear and saw her beauty? Like that was so sweet. High school can be such an awful place, and it looked that that school was one of the worst, so I can only imagine how insecure she could’ve felt having to wear that in such a toxic place, not that she should’ve felt insecure it’s just that’s how kids at that age are, but he showed her kindness and that was so sweet! Honestly Orlando was just a cinnamon roll. I loved his character.

7. Del was a force to be reckoned with. Again, a complex, amazing character who definitely demonstrated that she was not a side kick. Like, talk about female role models. I love when shows have young female characters that are unafraid to be exactly who they are. And usually when a show has an unusual character, the love interest is the one who maybe wants to change the other for the better? Yeah no, not here. Del and Wayne both truly like each other for who they are, not what they could be. And yes, Wayne is shown saving Del multiple times in multiple ways, but she in no way needs him to be her rescuer. She is not the stereotypical damsel in distress. She saves Wayne just as much, if not more than he saves her. They are equals and I love seeing that in shows.

8. If you liked End of the F***ing World, then this is going to be your new favorite. It took everything that I loved about the other show and blended it perfectly into this American story. It obviously has the slow burn theme, the long adventurous road trip where they both grow into themselves for the better, the chaos, the comedy. UGH! So good!

9. Can we talk about how realistic the Principal was throughout the story? Like this is just a real man, going through real-life problems and real-life sh*t, and he takes it, complains a bit, and then makes do. He never wanted to be a hero, he’s just a man, trying to do his best to better the lives of the troubled kids that he has to deal with and he ends up becoming one. Plus, he saved that puppy with his own teeth! So precious!

10. I have to bring up the friendship again. It’s honestly so pure. Wayne went to so many stores to get tampons for Del. So many! And when he got back to see she had left the bathroom, he sat and waited for her. It reminded me again of The End of the F***ing World, and it just melted my heart. This kid is too cute! And the number of times they just, connected. That silent agreement that they were in it together. And the school dance!!! Ahh so cute! He actually did that! OMG! 

10. The mushroom pizza! AWWWW! 

11. The fact that Wayne has a thing with smells, so cute!

12. When his mom took him shopping, his nature was so shy and happy and UGH

Now I’m just raving about Wayne. But seriously, this show was amazing! I highly recommend it!

[seedserotiny]

Pyrohydriscence

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Lapidot, past Jaspis

Summary: Human AU. Lapis loses everything. Her car, her apartment, her sense of control over her own life… and then she gains a roommate.

Warnings for this chapter: none

Chapter 5

Peridot was still at work when she got home. Today was Friday, though, so the next two days would be her time off. Lapis wondered if she was going to get anything done with her roommate home. So far she hadn't had any callbacks on her applications. It was really too early to worry about that, but since she was starting to like Peridot, she felt like she should probably definitely get some money coming in sooner rather than later. She had savings still, which would cover the first month, but she didn't have much after that. The responsible part of her wanted to keep on the hunt for a job every day until she landed one.

She wondered how long it would take. Lapis had a decent resume: some college, some job experience, and, thankfully, her DUI didn't count as a felony, so she didn't have to put it on her applications. Of course, she couldn't work anywhere that served alcohol, so her options were limited. Pretty much any kind of restaurant job was off the table, for example.

She half-heartedly submitted her resume to another coffee shop. Lapis was definitely not just sitting around waiting for Peridot to get home. Nope.

The sound of keys in the lock brought her back to attention. Pumpkin scrambled off the beanbag chair and waited by the door. Lapis tried not to think too hard about the fact that she and Peridot's pet seemed to share the same level of excitement about Peridot's impending presence.

She entered behind a stack of pizzas. What a splendid human being. "I hope you like mushrooms," she called out, plopping the boxes on a kitchen counter. Lapis loved mushrooms. Now that her hands were free, she gave Pumpkin a good ear scritch, went to the fridge, and popped open a soda. "Happy Friday!" She announced, making a 'cheers' gesture and heading off for her daily post-grimey-job shower. "By the way, you owe me for one of the pizzas, free-loader!" She shouted through the door before the sound of running water kicked on.

Lapis groaned dramatically. She thought she almost heard her roommates signature nasally snicker through the walls.

When Peridot returned, Lapis was ready on the couch with Pumpkin and two plates of several slices of pizza. "Season 1 finale!!" She yodeled when Peridot joined her on the couch. She was surprised that her vertically challenged roommate had changed right into some comfy pajamas, rather than her usual post-work attire. Her pants had little aliens on them. Lapis coveted them.

"Prepare yourself. Not everyone can survive exposure to the sheer amount of talent that went into this episode," Peridot said ominously.

Lapis clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment as if she was centering herself. "I think I'm ready."

Peridot nodded solemnly and started the show.

Approximately 44 minutes later, Lapis sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, enraptured, shaken. "What. You mean… this whole time? And that part with Paulette, and Pierre, oh my God."

"I knoooow!"

"We must start season 2 immediately." She began to rummage for the second disc set. She smiled. This was much better therapy than… actual therapy.

"Hey Lapis?"

Oh, maybe not. Peridot's voice sounded serious, and not in the usual hammy way that meant she was playing it up for the effect. Lapis turned around. Her roommates brows were furrowed, and she looked right into Lapis's eyes. "Yeah?"

"Who's your favorite character?"

Lapis punched her in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for!"

"For being such a damn nerd. And hm…" Lapis pondered a moment. "Paulette, I think."

"What!!"

"What."

"Paulette is by far the weakest character. I don't know what Percy sees in that… sobbing magnet of misfortune."

"Well, she is kind of hot."

"Well, yeah, but they have no TRUE compatibility. It's like the writers are forcing the relationship at every turn. Percy wastes SO much of his time protecting Paulette and performing these romantic gestures. I don't think she even comprehends how much he does for her. Take, for example, season 1 episode 4, when they have the archery competition-"

Lapis tried to look like she was absorbing anything Peridot said after that. These speeches tended to have momentum; it was easier to let her finish than it was to try to stop her. Besides, Peridot looked so sad and embarrassed when she realized she'd been ranting. Lapis occupied herself by getting up and putting in the next disc. She found herself enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Yeah, she sincerely doubted she'd get a lot done this weekend.

By the time Lapis tried to return to the couch, Peridot had worked herself into a lather. She gesticulated, lying on her back, sprawled across the couch. "And then, in episode 7! Blurgh blurgha blurrgh," she said. Or something like that.

The tiny woman was somehow taking up the whole couch.

Lapis responded like a rational adult and flopped backwards onto the middle seat, crushing Peridot underneath her back in a surprisingly comfortable lounging position. Peridot gurgled and sputtered. "Hey, don't let me interrupt. Episode 7, right?" Said Lapis. She grinned as Peridot "Tiny Hands" Pumpkinmom struggled in vain to escape.

"Behemoth!" Peridot screamed, managing to wiggle her torso free and beginning to push on the side of Lapis's head and arm.

"I am 5 foot 3, you hobbit."

Peridot's wriggling and slapping was starting to disturb her lounging. Lapis grabbed both of Peridot's wrist and held them in one hand. This was the first time Lapis had ever had size as an advantage in a tussle. The power was going to her head.

Some of the noises that Peridot made in response were not quite human, but they were quite entertaining. Lapis didn't realize she was laughing gleefully until she snorted. Oh no. She just gave the enemy ammunition.

Peridot inhaled a breath, no doubt locking and loading a sick burn.

"I'll let you go if you don't say whatever it is you're about to say," interrupted Lapis.

Peridot calculated the costs and benefits of that proposal for a moment. "I accept your terms."

Lapis released her, just in time for the theme song to end and the show proper to start. Peridot settled into her usual sitting position with a huff.

Lapis pretended not to notice that they were still technically touching.

----

Yep, Lapis got absolutely nothing productive done that weekend. And she had plans for this one. The fish tank Peridot had given her was all set up now. They were definitely going to have to go to the pet store to pick up some aquatic residents. And Steven wanted to hang out too.

But for now, it was still Friday afternoon, and she still had to finish out her second session with Dr. Garnet.

"It was my fault, really, I initiated casual physical contact first. Now, between Steven, Peridot, and Pumpkin, I get no moments of peace. My space is no longer sacred. Yesterday I was reading in a one person bean bag chair and suddenly I had a rabbit and a house elf reading over my shoulder. Reading is not a team sport. She made me wait to turn the page until she caught up. Who does this?!" Lapis ranted.

Garnet chucked, "I understand completely. But, I have to ask, does this contact really bother you? Communicating boundaries is very important in close relationships."

Close relationship was a little strong. I mean, she'd known this group of people for what… 4 weeks now? Way too soon for close relationship status. For sure. "Well, I don't know, it's different than I'm used to." Honestly, Lapis was more familiar with being touched in a much different context.

"Forgive me if I assume too much, but I think it's possible you're enjoying the affection. Based on what you've shared with me, you're overdue for some healthy friendships."

A tactical strike. Lapis wasn't used to being read so easily either. "I mean, it's not… unpleasant, to be touched. I just. I don't want her to get any ideas or something."

"Hm." The head tilt.

"That just sounds like some awful drama, having to reject Peridot if she makes a move or something. We live in like… the same room."

"Hm-hm."

Lapis looked at the diploma behind Garnet's head. "Now that I say it out loud I feel silly, or like, vain. Like I expect anyone I'm around to want in my pants. God, what am I even talking about? I think Peridot would gnaw off her own arm before making me feel any negative emotion on purpose."

Garnet blinked. Maybe. The glasses made it hard to tell.

"I can't believe I actually wasted time sort of worrying about that. Why am I so uncomfortable with… comfortable situations? It's like I look for some hidden fucked up shit in everything. I mean, most of the time I'm right, but still. Steven trusts so much, and it seems to make him so happy. I kind of envy that."

"You shouldn't."

"Huh? Why?" Lapis was baffled, it didn't seem like a therapist to talk negatively about trusting people.

"You do trust."

Oh, she got it now. Well, kind of. "What do you mean?" Lapis was pretty damn sure that wasn't the case.

"You sincerely believe that Peridot wouldn't hurt you."

"Oh... Oh."

Garnet gave her a small smile.

"I don't know how to feel about that," Lapis admitted.

"Take as long as you need to process. Our session is almost over. We can continue this conversation next week, if that's something you'd like to do."

It was Lapis's turn to hm.

---

Lapis stood at the bus stop outside the clinic. For the first time in a while, she was really craving a drink. She dug her nails into her palms. She felt floaty, off balance, standing there, waiting for the bus. The shitty part of her started mapping out liquor stores that might not card her, bars she might be able to get into without flashing an ID. She wondered which bus lines would take her there. Her phone had a handy app for that sort of thing.

Her phone beeped. She thought of Jasper.

"Tell my baby angel Pumpkin I'm on my way home to him and I have baby spinach. Also hi Lapis, I guess." It was Peridot.

Lapis looked at her phone for a while. The bus pulled up. She got on and rode it home.

----

That stupid therapy session made Lapis start paying attention to her feelings. She didn't want to be caught off guard like that again. She would get so good at emotional self-awareness that that smug therapist wouldn't have anything to hm about. That's right, she would become a paragon of maturity out of pure spite.

But that whole process kind of sucked. If she hadn't been paying attention, she wouldn't have noticed things like the way she would feel a smile bubble up when something happened that she wanted to tell Peridot about later. She wouldn't have noticed how her body relaxed when she leaned into her on the couch, and how much fun she had during their many battles of wits. She wouldn't have noticed how her ridiculous outfits, the way she always spoke with her hands, and her nerdy ass hobbies were becoming sort of endearing despite everything Lapis stood for. When the interviews started coming in, despite the massive amounts of relief she felt every time she got a chance at a job, she felt agitated when they took place while Peridot was off work. Yeah, she would have much preferred to not have noticed any of those things.

She didn't know how she felt about those feelings. Periods of relaxed contentment were punctuated by periods of existential panic. Lapis felt like this all would have been better if it happened several years later, after she had time to untangle all her baggage. But she couldn't just ask Peridot to leave and come back later when she felt ready to interact with someone on a non-superficial level.

And besides, there was one feeling she could easily identify:

She didn't want any of it to change.

[baconpal]

What didn't you like 'bout mario

oh boy time for me to type a lot of words about video games!! click here for large rants

so every since they revealed the game, mario looked kinda wrong with how he moved, like the game was being played sped up, and having played it, can confirm mario is INSANELY snappy and heavy, and it doesn’t feel good to me, sunshine and galaxy had good weight and believably in how mario moved, but odyssey is just 0 to 100. Its something you can eventually get used to but it caused more problems than it should have.

The actual button layout stuff is also a bit weird, specifically dive and quick-swim being performed by attacking during a ground pound, as opposed to having their own buttons like sunshine and galaxy. It makes them feel stilted and adds the ability to fuck up executing a simple movement option and getting yourself killed. The reason this bugs me is that X and Y do the same thing as well as B and A doing the same thing, so why not just make one of the double buttons do the other moves? 

The hat, the one thing i actually was genuinely hyped for, does everything they promised, it is in fact FUN to throw the hat and bounce on it and do stuff like that and to use the joycons to throw the hat in different directions, even though you cant really get much use out of throwing it up and down. 

But the CAPTURE mechanic is awful, about 4 of the captures are good and cool and nice, and the other 46 are actually pointless, they are all limited in what they can do, and it just makes me wish i was playing as Mario with all the moves and abilities he has naturally.  I dont want to stop having 100 ways to jump so i can become a frog who jumps higher and moves at 1 mile an hour. I dont want to stand under things and stretch my big onion legs for the 20th time in a row. I’d rather the few good captures just be level mechanics, such as mario physically riding a bullet bill, or getting a powerup that allows him to fling himself off walls like the bird does, or letting mario grab those cool flingy things in new donk with his own hands 

SPEAKING of, no power ups, which is horribly disappointing after how PERFECTLY implemented they were in 3D Land. There’s no mushrooms of any kind in the game, and no enemy koopas outside of hammer bros and dry bones, just a lot of staple things missing, which isn’t to say a mario game needs them to be good, but theres a lot of things that felt like it’d have been better if they WERE there. Like why are there hearts and “1 up hearts” instead of shrooms and 1-ups to increase health. Why does the bowser kingdom not have koopa citizens if he’s KING KOOPA? 

The game looks very bad in most kingdoms, there’s no consistency in art style, there’s a world that is a generic mario beach level, followed by a hyper contrast color world with untextured low poly models copy-pasted on angular cliffsides. No area in the game is visually pleasing outside of New Donk, Bowsers Kingdom, and I guess the Cap Kingdom could have been good if it wasn’t 2 feet long. 

Broodals are a terrible decision, all of the bosses are really boring and unfun in this game but the broodals take the cake. Their designs are bad and you fight them so many times, especially in post game content. They could have just been the koopalings again and i wouldn’t have minded a bit. 

The story is nothing, the story in EVERY single kingdom is unimportant because you can technically skip it by collecting optional moons and fighting none of the bosses, so there’s never any meaningful conflicts, and the ending is like??? Peach is just kinda vaguely upset at bowser, but also isn’t happy with mario, and then they all sort of make up and everyone goes home together? What did they MEAN by this

The music is INCREDIBLY lack luster, especially for mario standards, I cant remember any of the songs off the top of my head other than Wooded Kingdoms theme cus it sounds like a God Hand track. 

The post-game is offensively lazy. The 64 kingdom was cute but Dark and Darker Sides of the moon are 100% asset recycling and nothing actually enjoyable. 

i just don’t care about moons. There’s too many, they’ve lost any impact. I no longer want to collect them all. I grinded coins and cowered to get enough moons to get all the outfits so i could see everything the game had to offer, and IMMEDIATELY i just stopped having any desire to play the game. I will never want to 100% the game, and i find it hard to believe there’s anything even comparable to galaxies 100% rewards.

Lastly where the FUCK is luigi what the fuck. And I mean that genuinely, with how this game controls, i feel like luigi would actually be super tight, his slipperiness would translate to more believable traction, and his higher jumps would offset the ridiculous gravity. If they make a DLC that allows a luigi playthrough I’d likely have to rate this game higher.

So uh... that’s it, just sort of DUMPED thoughts on that one, but yeah, that’s pretty much everything I have to say. If you enjoyed the game, awesome! I hope everyone is able to enjoy stuff, im just really disappointed in my boy mario right now.