#happy new year I’m still spending too much time on the internet talking about a billionaire pop star

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Normally I would keep this in a tag post or not post at all but I know no one’s s around so fuck it:

I’ve been thinking a lot about folklore/evermore and even Lover in recent days and about how so much of it sounded like a promise of the future: I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover, I’d marry you with paper rings, church bells ring carry me home rice in the ground looks like snow, I want to teach you how forever feels, one single thread of gold tied me to you, I’d swing with you for the fences sit with you in the trenches give you my wild give you a child (really all of peace), I’m begging for you to take my hand wreck my plans, now I just keep you warm and my waves meet your shore ever and evermore and he feels like home, etc.

And in retrospect with what we know from later music and events, instead of a promise of the future, it was more an aspiration of it. It’s less, “this is where we’re heading” and by Renegade is more, “this is how good we could have it if you’d just let us.” Which is sad because it’s clearly something Taylor (or the narrator) thinks is worthwhile and comforting, but then by the time we get to Midnights, or at least You're Losing Me (and arguably Lavender Haze), it’s become a point of pain instead of hope. Yet it’s fascinating when taken as a whole and seeing how the themes connect to, play off of and contradict each other throughout her growing discography. (I don’t mean contradict as in, she said she wanted to get married and now she doesn’t! Because that’s not what she’s saying in LH anyway! But as in the push-pull of “this is what I dream of our future” and “this is how our actions make those dreams slip away”)

It’s kind of hard to grapple with this sometimes because I generally don’t try to make music about the artist’s literal life, even with a diaristic writer like Taylor, because once the music is out there it stands on its own, but it is impossible to ignore the real life element especially in the last year, and I think this is one of those rare cases where it even adds to the understanding and the development of the themes. (Truly the Taylor Cinematic Universe) As much as I’m personally terrified of aging and would never wish to speed up the process lol, it’s going to be fascinating to see how this music is studied decades from now when there are even more links to be made in hindsight with more art in her catalogue to come.

Anyway tl;dr: it’s sad to think that what felt so joyful and hopeful earlier almost became like convincing herself (and the subject of her songs ahem) that this was what their future held in contrast of a much less certain everyday life as time went on. Here’s hoping the next phase is decidedly clearer whatever it is.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi. I’m sending this anonymously but if tumblr glitches and it isn’t anonymous please don’t post this because I’m absolutely completely entirely mortified.

I’m 20 FtM. About a year and a half ago, when I moved out and started at college, I discovered fandom, and began to get really into reading fics on AO3. My parents had heavily restricted my internet access growing up, and as new adult I began to discovered the barrage of content online.

Soon enough, I was spending about an hour or two every night reading smut fics. I never thought anything of it, because, well, it’s just words, it’s not *actually* porn, right?

Recently I did start watching some explicit videos but tried to limit myself to only once or twice a month because the shame I felt as well as the strange dissatisfaction just wasn’t worth it.

After doing some research, I found a study that said that watching porn for more than an hour a week was unhealthy. I thought, yeah, okay, fair enough.

Then I realised: does my fanfiction reading count as pornography?

I kept thinking to myself that because it was text it didn’t count, but —does it? Is that the reason that lately I’ve been feeling strangely dissatisfied and empty after reading/watching? Will I feel like this when I eventually have sex?? (still a virgin, mainly for dysphoria reasons)

I found all this stuff online that says porn addictions can screw you over for life, that you can’t find sexual satisfaction with a partner.

Should I cut back?

I don’t normally masturbate while consuming porn. I feel too ashamed. I normally just sit there and read/watch.

Am I a porn addict?????? Should I quit reading smut? Help.

If you can’t tell, I wasn’t raised in a very sex positive environment and I feel very ashamed. I don’t really know who to talk to and I just feel very guilty so I’m resorting to an anonymous ask on Tumblr.

If you read this, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

— Jason

hi Jason,

I don't think you're a porn addict. I think you're probably just an anxious 20 year old from a pretty restrictive background and now that you have a little more freedom you're kind of nervous about it, which is very normal.

I want to be super clear: written porn is porn. porn is any sexually explicit material designed to titillate; it's existed since WAY before the moving picture existed and it will exist long after the internet has crumbled to dust. people like porn! and it's okay to like porn. the text-based stuff is particularly high on the list of porn that's pretty unambiguously fine, morally-speaking, because you never have to worry that the performer you're watching has had their video stolen by pornhub or that, god forbid, anyone onscreen isn't a willing participant, but I want to be super clear that liking sexually explicit photos or videos of real people is also 100% fine.

obviously I have no idea what study you read, but I'd be cautious about any study being boiled down to such black and white, attention-grabbing headlines. you can interpret a study to mean virtually anything if you want to, and there are a lot of interest groups with a vested interest in demonizing porn. if reading smutty fan fic makes you happy and isn't interfering with the rest of your life, you should do that.

unfortunately it sounds like it's not making you happy lately, dissatisfied and empty feelings. in the kindest way possible, I don't think much of that is being caused by the porn itself. it sounds like it's coming from your gnawing worry that you're a porn addict. maybe it's best to take a little step away from porn and smutty fic for a while, if only until you feel able to engage with it without feeling bad.

also, speaking of porn addiction: that's a very dubious condition, and one that's not scientifically or medically recognized. to be certain, people can develop a reliance on porn that disrupts their daily function and can wreak havoc on their lives, but that's true of anything that causes your brain to spit out happy chemicals. anything that become a maladaptive coping mechanism, including and especially things that are fine and even necessary in small doses. sleeping, exercising, and going shopping are all things that can be life-ruining if done to harmful excess, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong if you like to sleep in, go for runs, or browse your favorite online stores every once in a while.

if reading smut isn't causing you to skip out on your more important obligations, fail to take care of yourself, or bringing on bankruptcy, I think you're probably alright. the biggest danger I see here is you beating yourself over the head with your own anxiety about this, which may be a sign that it's a good idea to take a step back for entirely different reasons than you were worried about.

[pensat-i-fet]

Not a crush (Pedri x Reader)

**I got this request and thought it could be cute and fun. It’s true that the Spanish press has been talking about this arms situation a lot, so it’s a good blend of fiction and reality. But then it turned into one of those writing projects that changed 7 times before its final form. For a second I even thought about turning this into a series. My brain! Anyways, enjoy reading! ❤️**

ETA: I ended up writing a series based on this imagine that you can read here!

Word count: 2685

Masterlist

Wattpad

“All those years in uni to end up doing this”, you muttered. “I’m never going to be taken seriously”.

“What are you talking about?”

“This article I have to do”.

Your colleague Jordi moved his chair closer to yours to peek at your computer screen.

“You know that we can’t use the computers for personal stuff, right?”

You put your head on the table. Really, no one was going to take you seriously.

“Huh?”

“Why are you looking at photos of shirtless Pedri? Got a crush?”

“Shut up! I have to do an article about the evolution of his body in the last couple of years”.

“That’s cool”.

“It’s stupid!”

“I’ve done worse when I was an intern. Don’t be so negative”.

You guessed he was right. It could be a lot worse. And you didn’t have a crush but…there were worse ways to spend a Tuesday afternoon than looking at photos of a cute player. And being given an excuse to stare at his body, which had definitely changed in the last couple of years. You didn’t visit the gym much but liked it when others did. Especially if that was the result of their gym sessions.

Writing the article actually took a good chunk of your day. Between getting the right photos and videos for it and asking for permission to use them, the actual writing and your colleagues' stupid comments about it, it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be at first. But it was a good article. And once the editor saw it and was happy with it, it was posted on the newspaper's website.

The following day you posted a link to it on your social media accounts and a little later you started to go through the comments. So many of them talked about how you were only picked to do that article because it was about a man's body and you were a woman. Right…nothing new on Twitter.

“Stop replying to hate comments”.

“It’s therapeutical”.

"It's pointless".

Just one more…

                                      **

It wasn't just the press or people on social media talking about Pedri's muscles. His teammates loved to tease him joking about that too.

"Here comes the Spanish Lewandowski", laughed Eric.

"So funny".

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm afraid you'll use those big strong muscles to punish me".

Pedri did use his muscles to push his friend and get him out of the way. He knew it was just banter but it all got boring after a few days.

"There needs to be a big signing or something so your arms stop being the topic of the week", told him Ferrán, who was looking at his phone.

“Yeah, I saw Barça posting about it on social media too. People are so overdramatic”.

“Totally, but I didn't mean that. I meant the new article”.

"What new article?"

Ferrán showed him your article and Pedri sat down to read it properly. It was a great article. You took the time to analyze the way his game could be influenced by this body change and picked different photos than the ones used by everyone else. He guessed there were still proper journalists out there. What a plot twist.

"It's a good article", he said, giving the phone back to his friend.

"The internet seems to disagree".

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know if they disagree but the girl who wrote it was getting a lot of shit on social media".

"Why?", Pedri couldn't hide his frown.

"I didn't look much into it but I saw people saying nasty things to her and then they found some old tweets and …seems like she used to have a crush on you and now she writes about your muscles or whatever and people on Twitter are the way they always are".

"Right", he murmured. He had listened to everything his friend said but also got stuck on how you used to have a crush on him. And he didn't even know who you were but footballers…they just loved being loved.

                                     **

"No point in deleting them now", said Jordi.

"I wasn't going to…".

People had too much time on their hands. That was the conclusion of the day. Somehow, just because of your article, someone decided to check your entire Twitter history to see if there was anything they could accuse you of. They probably were mad to find no offensive tweets but they found two where you retweeted a Barça fan page and wrote about liking Pedri.

The funniest thing was you barely remembered those tweets. You saw him, thought he was cute and posted that. Then you moved on. There were many players you found cute but had no time for crushes. Pedri got a mention purely for the fact that he signed for your team.

But now this was being used against you. So childish.

"Are you busy next week?"

You looked up to see your boss talking to you. He never talked to you.

"I guess. I mean, I'll be here working. So…".

"Do you have a passport?"

"Yes".

"Your English was good, right?"

"Pretty good, yeah".

He only had to look at your CV to see all the qualifications you had, including all the diplomas that proved your English was more than good but…no one cared that much about an intern.

"You're going on the US tour", he said and left. How could he drop that bomb and leave?

Your jaw was on the floor and Jordi was staring at you with a similar expression.

"Wait!", you said, finally able to get up and follow your boss. "What do you mean I'm going on the US tour? There is a group of people chosen for that already. It was decided months ago".

"I know", he said casually. "But one of them can't go and you'll take his spot".

"But I'm just an intern".

"Do you not want to go?"

"I do! Of course I do!", you said quickly. "But it doesn't make sense".

"Look. You're doing really well here. And you've gotten people to visit our website more than ever with just one article so…you earned it".

You had heard about all the visits to the website after the Pedri article was posted. But the way your boss was avoiding holding eye contact told you everything you needed to know.

"Am I just going because people think I have a crush on one of the players that'll be there?"

"If you weren't a good journalist, that wouldn't be enough for me to send you with that team. But it doesn't hurt".

"Ok, I'll start packing".

This was a great opportunity and you weren't going to reject it just because of some of the reasons surrounding it. But the excitement you felt when you first heard about the trip completely vanished.

And when you checked your Instagram and saw a certain player was looking at your stories…it was even worse.

No one took you seriously but you'd prove them wrong.

                                     **

The pre-season was both loved and hated by players. Pedri didn't really have strong feelings about it. It was just part of the job and they got to visit some different places so there were positives to take from these couple of weeks.

Another positive was having you around. After finding out about your article and your past crush on him, he checked your social media accounts. There wasn't much on any of them, since they were professional accounts. But there were a couple of photos of you and your dog.

Stories were something you also used to mostly promote your work and it was while checking those he found out you were going to the US too. He was hoping you'd meet at some point but didn't expect you'd be the one to interview him.

"Hi, nice to meet you", you said, extending your hand for him to shake. So professional.

"Nice meeting you too. I really liked your article about me".

Something changed in your expression and he couldn't understand what it was but you quickly got back to professional mode.

"Thank you. Let's get this done quickly. I was told we only have 15 minutes".

The interview was pretty uneventful. You asked good questions and Pedri gave you good answers in return. But you were so serious. He didn't know you personally, so maybe that was how you always were. But Pedri had a feeling there was more to it.

"Was that good?"

"The interview? Yes, thank you for your answers. They were really good".

"Easy when the questions are good too".

You nodded, quickly looking away.

"Are you ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because it seems like you would want to be anywhere but here".

You closed your eyes and sighed.

"Is it because of what people said about you?"

His words made you open your eyes and you finally looked at him. Instead of answering, you simply nodded.

"Don't pay attention to them".

"Easier said than done. Especially when they are the reason I'm here".

"The reason…".

"I'm not here because I'm good at my job. But because people thinking I have a crush on you got us a lot of attention. And now this interview will get more attention. So I'm basically just a pawn and I guess so are you".

"I'm sorry".

"It's not your fault".

Picking up your things, you got ready to leave but Pedri stopped you.

"I don't read what people write about me but my parents do. They like to keep the articles and print the photos and all that. Things parents do, I guess", he shrugged. "I read your article because Ferrán showed it to me and thought it was great. And then my parents told me about it, praising your writing multiple times. Your newspaper might be using you but you're good. You showed it to me in this interview too so don't feel sad".

"I don't have a crush on you".

"What?", but then he realised what you meant. "I didn't praise you because of that. God, you really need to get out of that mindset".

When Pedri started to laugh, you were more confused than ever.

"It's not you against the world. And people will praise you just because they genuinely want to…but now I'll be the one who's sad".

"Why?"

"I liked thinking you had a crush on me".

Now you were laughing too. Finally, he got to see the smile he had seen in those photos.

"Thank you for your words. I needed them. And you must go to train. I'll see you around".

"Yes".

The interview was posted just a couple of hours later. And even if Pedri's words helped, the comments you got still hurt.

Got what she wanted. To meet him.

"Yes, that's all I wanted in life. I can retire now".

"Why are you looking at your phone like it offended you?", asked one of your colleagues.

"It's the people inside it that offend me".

"Are there people living inside your phone?"

You half laughed at his bad joke.

"I know what you need to cheer up".

"Really?"

"Yes. Thoughts on karaoke?"

That made you laugh. You were such a terrible singer. "I like it. People don't like hearing me sing, though".

"I want to hear you sing so you're coming with us tonight".

                                   **

One of the easiest ways to get in trouble during pre-season was to go out and wake up to paparazzi photos of the party. But when it was the coach that took you out…then it was fine?

Pedri wasn't really into parties anyways but he thought karaoke night could be fun. He wasn't planning on signing but knew which teammates would. His phone was going to record all of it to tease them in the future.

"It started already", said Xavi, who was the first one to get inside the bar.

And he was right. There was someone leaving the stage while they found their tables. And someone else took the previous person's place immediately. Pedri wasn't interested in the random people who were going to sign but still looked up to see who was talking to the guy that controlled the machine.

And it was you who was on the stage.

"Well, that's a surprise", he said, almost to himself.

"What is?", Ferrán was now looking at the stage too. "Who is she? She's hot".

"The journalist who wrote about my muscles".

"The one that doesn't have a crush on you?", he laughed. "That's funnier now that I know she's pretty".

Pedri rolled his eyes and continued staring at you. He could see you were giggling and it was such a change from the super serious woman he met for the interview.

You picked a Franz Ferdinand song. They were one of your favourite bands when you were a teen and after seeing them live at the FIB, you were back to listening to all their songs on repeat.

Oh, when I woke up tonight, I said I’m

Going to make somebody love me

I’m going to make somebody love me

And now I know, now I know, now I know

I know that it’s you

You’re lucky, lucky, you’re so lucky

Your voice wasn’t great but who cared about that on karaoke night? Pedri didn’t. He just stared at you. You looked so relaxed. Just having fun instead of the worried version of you he got for his interview.

“Whoever she chooses would be lucky. She isn’t lying”.

Ferrán’s words took Pedri out of his daydreams. “What do you mean?”

“The song”.

“I’m not really paying attention to the lyrics. What do they mean?”

His teammate explained the meaning of the lyrics quickly and Pedri had to agree. Whoever you chose would be very lucky.

“I wouldn’t mind being the chosen one but you saw her first. Shame she doesn’t have a crush on you anymore, Pedrito”.

Yeah, it was a shame.

When you finished your song, you felt so much better. This had been the right plan to improve your mood. None of your colleagues wanted a drink, so you went to the bar to get one. It was needed after all that singing.

“I didn’t know you were a singer too?”

You turned to face Pedri and snorted. “Yes, it was my plan b if journalism didn’t work out”.

“There is always autotune to help”.

Pedri was pleased to see you laughing at his words. It was the second time in just one day he had achieved that.

“Do you want a drink too?”, you asked him when the bartender was taking your order.

“Just water, please”.

Once you got your drinks, none of you moved from the bar to go back to your friends. You just kept chatting.

“I mean, who knew writing about someone’s arms could lead to so much drama”.

Pedri followed your eyes which were now staring at his biceps. “Want to touch them?”

Yes. “No”.

“After reading the article I wondered if you knew more about my body than I do, you know? So it’s ok, you can touch”.

You bit your lip, trying not to blush. "I know you hear every day about how good you are at everything and that makes you overly confident but you aren’t as great at flirting as you might think".

"I heard about how great I am from you too. So you're at fault".

"I've barely written about you apart from that article".

"Yeah, but the old tweets…".

"I told you I don’t have a crush on you”.

“And the way you’re blushing says something different”.

When he leaned closer, you noticed how your knees were touching beneath the bar. They had been touching for a couple of minutes and you hadn’t even noticed. Nor did you feel the need to move.

“Not here”, you said.

“What?”

“Not where people can see us”.

“I thought you didn’t…”.

“I just want to test a theory”.

“What theory?”, he asked, smirking at you.

“If the crush I had on you two years ago is still there”.

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @debauchfairy, @realmackross TIMING: A Saturday morning in early April SUMMARY: Mack meets Kiernan for their first brunch were they share mimosas and all the hot goss. WARNINGS: None!

Kieran didn’t have many friends. It had made sense when him and his mom had been, y’know, basically hiding from the whole world and moving every couple of months but even after somewhat settling here in this strange town, he wasn’t even really sure he knew how. Sure, people liked him - of course they did - but those were all fleeting connections and perhaps a few too many of them tainted with imposed spontaneity and bad decisions. Not that he needed friends, especially not human ones. It seemed like a hassle when it came to upkeep and fuck forbid he’d mingle with fae again. 

Enter Mackenzie Ross. Undead, apparently, but a talented and stylish actress. She had taste so it had been no surprise when she walked into Covet Couture but the fact that she’d been immune to Kieran’s magic had been a fun discovery. Not that he cared, seeing as he was decked out with hooves and antlers. She was interesting, and gossipy, and after way too many weeks just talking about it they’d finally set up a lunch. 

“Stunning, as always,” he greeted as she arrived, picking apart her wardrobe with a satisfied smile. So far they’d only talked when she dropped by the store and a few times online so Kieran was happy they were finally doing this. Closed off from people all those years, he’d at least had access to the internet which had included Mack’s work along with every tabloid article of her glamorous life, something he’d deeply longed for back then. “I already ordered mimosas.” Could she even get drunk? If only he could reveal that he knew her secret without coming clean about his own. 

—

It was nice to have a friend Mack could sit down and gossip with. Though she wasn’t much of a gossip, until she had a few glasses of wine or champagne, the real treat was finally getting to spend some genuine friend time with Kieran. She had met him at his little boutique in town, and they had hit it off immediately. He had reminded her of home; a place Mackenzie was still trying to figure out how to let go of. And until she could fully trust herself to have this zombie stuff under control, a place she would sparsely visit. Plus, all the talk and tabloids about Brody didn’t help matters, and while they were dying down, she knew if she had shown her face in LA, all the talk would fire right back up again. She had, after all, murdered her fiance by accident, and there was never going to be any solace from that. At least not that she could ever see or feel she truly deserved.

As she stepped foot into the small cafe, Mack let her eyes scan over the patrons finally laying sight on Kieran – The best dressed boy in the entire establishment, “Uh, I could totes say the same for you! Is this new?” She looked over his outfit and was impressed. “Everytime I see you, I swear you just get classier and classier.” She smiled warmly as she took a seat across from him at the small table. “You’re a legend.” Though Mack wouldn’t really be able to taste it, she was an actress and could pretend to enjoy it with the best of them; especially if he had thought to take the time to order for them.

—

Kieran gave something of a humble shrug, not quite matching the pleased expression on his face as he picked off an imaginary piece of lint from the sleeve of his jacket. “Hmm, maybe,” he answered slyly, smile only widening as Mack continued with the compliments. “How am I supposed to keep my ego in check if you keep flattering me, Ross?” Kieran asked, fully unserious. As if even a miniscule part of him actually wanted to keep said ego in check, where the hell was the fun in that?

Leaning back with a content sigh as the mimosas arrived, right on time, Kieran trailed the departing waiter with his eyes before turning back to Mackenzie. “What do you think? Worth a shot? I’m pretty sure he was looking you over but it seemed very PG so maybe just a fan. Although the sneakers are giving me a bit too much ‘frat boy’.” Turning slightly in his chair for a second glance, Kieran then cocked his head at Mack. “Straight, poor or just bad fashion sense, thoughts?”

—

Mack watched Kieran shrug, shaking her head in return, “I’m going to keep complimenting my friend who knows style okay? It’s few and far between in this town. Most of these people prefer the just rolled out of bed look, which is okay, I guess, but it wouldn’t hurt to see more people take pride in themselves.” Of course, she couldn’t always talk. There had been plenty of times Mack had been seen around town in an oversized hoodie, a ball cap, and yoga pants. But even then, she somehow still looked more put together than some of the people in the town. “Besides, that cut looks good on you. Take the compliment, Kieran.” She laughed.

Seeing the waiter walk over with the mimosas, Mack couldn’t help, but look up at him and smile, but as soon as he was gone, she could hear Kieran’s comments, “Well first off, he is cute. Not my type, but definitely adorable. Second, I have a girlfriend, so you don’t have to worry about me trying to steal him away…” There was only one man who would ever fully have her heart now, and he was dead. “Plus, with that outfit and those shoes…Thinking Frat boy with just bad fashion sense. Though the apron kind of makes him cuter in a Tyler from Wednesday sort of way.” Mackenzie didn’t doubt there were hydes living in Wicked’s Rest. She just hadn’t seen one yet, unless…She looked the waiter over again as he served people, “I say we question him when he comes back to take our order. I don’t want to just go off of looks, because I’m already thinking you two would be supes cute together.”

—

Nodding along solemnly as Mack, justifiably, took shots at the general lack of upkeep in this town, Kieran found himself surveying the surrounding tables to confirm her facts. Sure, some of them had potential, an eye for color combination and a general aversion to graphic tees (he shuddered mildly at the thought) but it was just so obvious which table took the prize for best dressed and best looking. “Well, if you insist,” he sighed dramatically, flashing his teeth. Just one of the reasons he was fond of keeping Mackenzie around, endless supply of compliments that were actually based on knowledge and not just empty flattery. Not that Kieran wouldn’t also accept empty flattery.  

Mack spared no detail in sharing her thoughts and Kieran mulled over each one, having to suppress a slight eye roll as she mentioned her relationship - seriously, so much wasted potential. “That reference means nothing to me but he is weirdly making that apron work, that we can agree on.” Whether or not Kieran was actually interested in more than simply discussing this stranger’s pros and cons with Mack remained to be seen. “Alright, don’t go writing a wedding speech yet, sweetheart. If I were to date anyone and that’s a big if, I don’t think café waiter would be the way to go.” Or a human for that matter. 

“Some subtle questioning does sound fun, though.” Kieran picked up the menu, glancing over it as he sipped at the mimosa, enjoying the bubbling of the champagne on his tongue. “You ordering?” he asked casually, itching to know what exactly Mack would prefer to be eating that wasn’t exactly available on a brunch menu. 

—

“I do insist. So there.” Mack playfully stuck her tongue out at Kieran. This had been a friendship she hadn’t expected to form with such ease. But the day she entered his shop, and they first spoke, it was like the Fashion Gods had spoken up and told the universe that this was meant to happen, and after a few more interactions online and at the boutique, here they were discussing whether the waiter would be a good match, “Are you kidding me? You haven’t seen Wednesday? Okay, we need to change that, like, asap! You’re coming over for a Wednesday marathon, and then you’ll see what I mean. But until then.” Mackenzie pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture of Tyler from the show, “See? Now if he had the curls, we’d be in business.” She put her phone away, “But that whole messy thing is actually working.”

Mack took a sip of her mimosa tasting nothing as she listened to Kieran continue on, “Oh come on. I could totally see you running your boutique, and coming over here for lunch where your littles are running around in their miniature aprons following Daddy around excited to see fashion Daddy walk through the door.” A grin spread across her face as she looked down at the menu sitting in front of her, “And of course I’m ordering. This is a brunch date right?” She glared at him playfully, before scanning the menu, perking up at the spicy options available.

—

Kieran rolled his eyes fondly as she scolded him - he couldn’t exactly spend his nights on Netflix binges when there was so much else to do and see. Not to mention that he’d already spent too much of his life doing exactly that, substituting actual interactions since they’d been off limits and too dangerous. But he couldn’t exactly say no to Mack considering the fervor in which she pitched this idea. As long as she’d allow him to bring drinks. “Fine. If you find a way to make it into a drinking game, I’m in. No way am I watching teenagers fall in love or whatever while sober.” Kieran peered at the phone, giving a soft hum of agreement. It was a pretty accurate reference. 

As Mack went into vivid detail of the little fantasy, Kieran’s face showed an impressive mix of amusement and distaste, eyebrows raising at the mention of children. “Oh, you clearly need to get to know me better if you think I could be trusted to raise children,” he argued, needing a good drink of the mimosa to wash down the mere thought of that. No fucking thank you. Waving off her glare, he turned in his chair to catch the waiter’s eye, holding up the menu to indicate that they were ready. “How am I to know if you’re on some insane actress diet or not?” Blood or flesh would definitely score as an insane diet, though maybe just on par with feeding on literal emotions. 

“Hi,” Kieran greeted smoothly as the waiter shuffled up, shooting him a disarming smile and gauging the reaction. Placing his order, he waited patiently for Mackenzie to do the same, catching a glimpse at the waiter’s name tag. “Say, Benjamin, settle a debate for us, would you? In the new Baywatch movie, who is objectively hotter, Efron or Alexandra Daddario?”

—

Mack was ecstatic when Kieran agreed to join her for a Wednesday binge. It was one of her favorite shows, despite the main character looking oddly like Nora. She shuddered at the thought, but the actress was so good at her role, that Mack was easily able to look past the eerie similarities, “Yes! And if that’s the only way you’ll watch with me, then fine. But you’re supplying the alcohol, and it has to include Fireball. I’m not made of money here.” Actually she was, but that's besides the point.

“Oh come on, Fashion Daddy. Which is totally your new name now by the way. I hope you like it, cause that’s all I’m referring to you from now on! You’d totally make a great dad! Plus, those kids would have so much fashion in their blood they’d bleed glitter and rhinestones.” She took another sip of her mimosa, barely getting a hint of bubbles on her deadened tongue. “Because I am currently not an actress. Does Wicked’s Rest look like it lends itself to the entertainment industry. Goo Girl is a thing of the past. Thank God.” 

Mackenzie watched as the waiter came back over, ready to grill him about his fashion sense to see if he and her friend would be a perfect match. Giving one last glimpse to the menu, Mack ordered the spiciest thing available adding some guacamole for good measure living up to that Hollywood stereotype.

As the waiter took down her order, he listened to the question at hand, while Mack easily shot Kieran a look of amusement. Once he was finished, he looked back up, “Uh, I’m gonna have to go with…” He chewed on his bottom lip for a minute, before looking back between the pair, “Gonna have to go with my man, Efron. Have you seen his quads, but more so his biceps? Gym goals. Like Alexandra is hot, and I’d totally go out with that, but dude. To spend an afternoon getting all the tips and tricks from Efron, would be golden, especially with this huge weightlifting comp, I’m trying to get into. I may not look like it yet, but these washboard abs are coming along. I’ll go get this order placed for you guys. Solid question though. Hope that helped.” He slapped Kieran on the back firmly, before walking off.

Mackenzie stifled a laugh looking between Kieran and the waiter. She definitely hadn’t seen that one coming, “Well, Fashion Daddy. Maybe you won’t have to worry about Cafe Daddy, since you know, he’s totally into weightlifting and hot chicks.” Her voice mimicked his.

—

“Fireball?” Kieran questioned with a grimace, followed by a soft shake of his head. “I’ll bring it but I’m not touching that shit. Also, remind me, how much was that bracelet of yours?” He nodded towards her wrist with a knowing expression, as if he wasn’t properly decked out with expensive accessories himself. In his defense, many of them had been gracious gifts, given with various amounts of conscious willingness. “Woah, I don’t look anywhere old enough to deserve that nickname, alright? Respect the age restrictions of the Daddy title,” he argued with a laugh, fully deflecting from the conversation of children now. 

Clicking his tongue, Kieran cocked his head. “Aw, come on. You’ll always be an actress at heart. Can’t run away from your true self.” Wasn’t that just the truth. 

The question had been a silly one, testing the waters and mostly gauging whether or not their waiter would be appalled at the idea of picking a man as the hotter choice, objectively or not. Kieran had not expected the way his soul begged to leave his body as Benjamin expanded oh so eloquently on his answer. Stifling a groan as the man slapped his back, Kieran let his eyes close in pure disappointment, mostly because he’d had to listen to that. “Wow,” he breathed, straightening in his seat. 

Downing the rest of his mimosa as Mackenzie’s dream of a happy little family shattered, Kieran shuddered dramatically at her eerie impression. “Yeah, that’s a solid pass. Maybe I’ll check in after a few months though, see how those washboard abs are coming along. He might do if he just… doesn’t do a lot of talking.” 

—

Mackenzie knew Fireball was gross. Every time she mentioned it, she often got the same reaction, but until someone made something much hotter to satiate her dead taste buds, the zombie was stuck drinking it, if she wanted a slight buzz. That was just the cards she had been dealt. The bracelet and the actress at heart comment were something of a different tale, and she quickly looked away as if she hadn’t heard him.

Unfortunately, Kieran’s cards were looking a little different at the moment. He would forever be Fashion Daddy. That much was settled. But it no longer was the waiter who Mack saw as someone being a viable option for her sassy and extremely fashionable friend. It was still hilarious though, especially the shoulder slap, “Oh come on. You don’t want to hear him talk all day about how good his body looks and what happened at the gym with his bros? I’m sure he’s got some extra spicy tales. And then, just think, you could give him a nice shoulder massage and feel those firm deltoids.” Mackenzie hated herself for knowing as much as she did about what gym rats focused on. “But I do have one question…based on how hard that back slap was…is he actually as strong as he lets on? Cause looked on the scrawny side to me.” She finished the mimosa.

—

The complete lack of response didn’t go unnoticed - talented actress or not, there was no faking that she hadn’t heard him. Nevertheless, Kieran wasn’t here to dig into topics that were clearly off limits, that sounded grueling and emotional. And she’d dropped the whole ‘literal dad’ discussion without a second thought so they seemed to be on the same, unspoken wave length. Fuck those topics, onto bigger and better things. 

Not Benjamin, though. “Yeah, no. There’s only room for one conceited individual in the bedroom and that position is already filled.” Kieran gestured to himself with a flourish before giving a sigh, glancing once more over his shoulder to the man whose looks were wasted on an absolutely tragic personality. “I do love some nice shoulders, though,” he added wistfully, only partially joking. He did not appreciate anything enough to go to the lengths of a shoulder massage - seriously, if anyone was getting spoiled, it was obvious who should be the first choice. 

Laughing at her question, Kieran made a show of thinking it over. “He’s definitely leaning more towards Efron in Hairspray,” he concluded. “But it was still an unnecessarily straight slap.” Holding up his empty glass to catch the attention of any waiter that wasn’t Brojamin, Kieran shamelessly ordered another round for the pair of them, ready to settle down for a continued discussion about things with no real emotional relevance whatsover. And wasn’t that really the perfect thing to go along with a nice brunch?

[hyunin]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 🥳 🎊

HELLOOOO EVERYONE i am going to make a new year post after all! currently beginning working on this at 11:32 pm because i know it’s going to take me a while and i thought it would be nice to spend the turning of the new year talking about my friends. i also hope you enjoy this header i’m using it because i’m too lazy to make a cute one and i might later and also one of my friends said do it or no balls. 

honestly this year went by incredibly quickly for me. it was pretty uneventful, which might be a good thing!! i did get to meet two of my best online friends in the world when i saw stray kids live this summer, and that was probably top 10 days of my life!! so i’m really thankful that happened this year if nothing else. i’m one year closer to graduating community college as a part time student, and i’ll be turning 26 this month 😭 but you know, making it another year in itself is a big accomplishment if nothing else! i’m proud of everyone that made it another year and thank you for being here with me to read this post. i really appreciate all of you, whether we’re close friends or simply beloved casual mutuals, or if you’re even just a follower of mine; thank you for putting up with and even enjoying my sporadic posting and vaguely unhinged tags and gifs and other content, whether here or over on yangjeongin.

this will be my third turn of the new year i’m celebrating with everyone on tumblr upon return from my seven or whatever year hiatus, and it’s crazy that i’ve been giffing again since 2020. some of you have been with me since all the way back then and i’m so thankful!! i didn’t spend a ton of time on my dash this year (thank u to my bad internet that takes forever to load thereby making it an incredibly frustrating experience!) but i have more in the past several weeks and i’ve really enjoyed it!! i’m hoping that only continues into 2023. 

i do want to specifically thank some people for making my life on tumblr (and in general) better in 2022, but know that even if i don’t write you a specific message i still am so thankful for you keeping me company on tumblr dot hell in whatever way you have this past year!

i’ll put all my love for everyone under the cut and i know i will forget someone and feel bad but i cannot overstate how much i love all my mutuals enough!!

first of all, to @minijeong @miyawaki @redvelvetcult @bataranqs @seulggi my awoo9ers, thank you for being part of my life every day. i love reading back what u guys have said in the gc and i love seeing your content and chatting with u and your wacky n wild senses of humor, being your friend for the past few years has made my life better and i’m looking forward to making more memories in 2023 🎉 i love u!! i do want to call out a couple awoo9 members in particular though because i have more specific things to say!!

iwin - @anyujins ; hiii i feel like there’s so much to say but also so little?? but we started talking at the beginning of this year and have talked so much since and i just wanted to say i have really loved talking to u and getting closer to you this year. i genuinely feel like i can talk to you about anything and i am soso thankful for that and for u supporting me and i’m really glad that i can do the same for you! i know 2022 has been a rough year for you so i hope 2023 is better. for both of us!! haru - @minhos ; u probably won’t see this post and GOOD because i hate getting mushy with u. gross icky ew. but you know how much i appreciate and love you (or at least i hope you do) thank you for being my friend for so many years and for essentially creating my personality bc i think all of my interests are your fault SDFSDGSDG but thank u because in the end it’s all made my life better and so have you tee - @ddonghyun ; we haven’t talked much (or at all?) this year but i think you were the first friend i made upon my return to tumblr so know i am really thankful to you and still think about you a lot whenever i’m on this account <3 i haven’t seen you on my dash in a while and i don’t know if it’s just bad timing or you are finally escaping the black hole that is tumblr but either way i hope 2023 treats you well! eri - @wonjinist ; ultimately we haven’t been mutuals for that long but u deserve ur own message because every time i see u, despite us rarely speaking and just being mutuals that see each other and support each other on dash, i’m like omg that’s my friend eri. i simply consider u my friend regardless of how much we’ve actually interacted so thank u for your effortlessly friendly warm and kind personality that makes it feel so natural to simply be your friend <3 i hope u have a great 2023!

then we move on to the stayblr pals!! there are a bunch of you that have made my life on tumblr better in the past couple of years including (but not limited to) @agibbangs @binsuns @hyunchanz @hanjesungs @seunges @minzbins @leenow @cherry-heartss @huiracha @avocadomin @innielove @jisungs thank you for all of your wonderful content and personalities on my dash! i hope to see more from y’all in 2023 and maybe we can talk some more too!

li - @connecteds ; hi beloved!! another year of me on tumblr means another year of being friends with you. sometimes it’s fun on here and sometimes it’s not but even if my time here was an absolute terrible garbage shitshow it would be worth it because i got you out of it. i’m getting emotional and i’m sitting in the living room watching new years specials with my mom rn i can’t cry LMAO but thank you for always making me laugh even when you’re having a hard time and for otherwise being so full of love, and every day i’m so grateful that some of that love is for me <3 i told you we’ll always be friends as far as i’m concerned, no matter how much or little we talk, and i really mean that. no matter what we do or where life takes us there will always be love in my heart for you. i know 2022 was really hard for you so i hope the world finally gives you back some of the love and happiness you’ve put out into the world in 2023 💫 and u know i’m gonna be here for it!! adri - @skz-films / @hyunebear ; i’m not sure which account to tag you on asdfasdgdsg i know we’ve like never spoken but i think i will always remember the gifset you made for us on yangjeongin and how much you said we inspire you that really touched my heart so thank you again :( i think about that whenever i see you on my dash and it makes my heart feel a little warmer every time i do and i think we can always use more of that in life, so thank you for making mine a little brighter this year kep - @seungknow ; kep i miss u!!! i just wanted to say hi because you deserve your own message. thank u for being my friend, and i’m glad(?) we have moved from being together in stayblr hell to pc collector instagram hell. great. amazing. may 2023 bring us many dream photocards ✨ abia - @seungminhos ; abia! i didn’t talk to you too much in the past year but i couldn’t just lump u in with everyone else it felt wrong!! missing u and the seungminhos content but i hope 2022 was okay and regardless, that 2023 is better because we can leave all that in the past now. love u <3 luna - @seunglixes ; i wanted to give you your own shoutout just to say thank you for all you do for createskz! i know life is so crazy for you sometimes but you still always do your best to keep up with the net and i think you do such an amazing job, i really admire u for that so thank you for your work and for creating such a great place for stay ccs to come together and find other great content agnes - @hyunjinz ; agnes angel beloved the fact that we have not actually spoken very much outside of tumblr tag conversations blows my mind bc you are so dear to me! thank you as always for supporting me in my stayblr endeavors even before yangjeongin existed, and for continuing to, and for being such a cornerstone in this community whether you’re making content yourself or not. you do such an amazing job of supporting everyone and i think that’s so admirable of you and really shows what a pure and kind heart you have. i hope 2023 treats you with just as much kindness!! marie - @seo-changbinnies ; marie comedic icon, free stand up show every time you’re on my dash, your tags will always be legendary. i know you’ve been going thru it recently so hang in there and know i appreciate u and miss u but it’s also so okay to take your time and focus on more important things than silly little gifs on a goofy blue website. i love you and hope 2023 brings you only good things!! vilma @hyunpic ; vilma angel...even writing this about u is making me sleepy...i’m just kidding i was already sleepy. i have always loved u but i love u even more now that we are talking more, it has been lovely!! thank u for your unhinged tags and absolutely abundant love and kindness not just for hyunjin but for everything around you. you are genuinely such a sweet person and just seeing you around boosts my serotonin so please continue doing what u do and i will message u next time i’m having trouble falling asleep <3 happy new year SZDSDGG lotta - @jizung ; lotta i think last year (or the year before?? idk) i made a post like this and said ur tags were funny and that i hope we talk more AND I FEEL LIKE WE SUCCEEDED?? either way i do consider you a friend now and also wanted to say, do not tell anyone else, but u are like in my top 5 if not top 3 ccs on this entire site i think your gifs are so nice i think u could just send me a link to every new thing u make and i would be overjoyed to see it. so here’s to another year of us making content and talking occasionally (maybe more in 2023?), i hope it’s the best one yet! ri - @foxinys ; ri!! omg u know we’ve only been talking more in the past few months mostly because of unfortunate circumstances but i regularly think about it like, well, a lot of shit is going on but at least i’m talking to ri more and that’s nice??? and i do rly enjoy talking to u! and your gifs of course. i will never forget ur gemini abundant birth chart and the fact that i guessed correctly (sort of) despite us barely talking at the time SDSDGSD and i love that <3 my astrology friend said based on the charts of people i’m friends with i tend to be drawn to gemini heavy people i think this means we were meant to be friends so may 2023 bring us friendship under better circumstances! and many other good things mia - @seungs ; mia honest to god i’ve been working on this post so long i’m getting tired ASDFSDGSDG but i love u and your content, thank u for the support and for being mary’s #1 fan in particular, sometimes i still think abt that anon that asked what grip mary had on u and laugh. i hope 2023 brings us many good things and more mc lino gifsets ✨ mona - @hyunsung ; same as above i am sounding like a broken record at this point but!! love your content and i appreciate our tag communication. we are friends as far as i am concerned i have decided this i hope u agree SDFSDGSDG but much love and good vibes for the upcoming year!! i hope we can talk more in 2023 also cassie - @seo-trashbins ; i know i talk to you like every day so i could say all of this to you anytime and i think you know all of this but i wanted to include you in this so you could see something nice next time you check tumblr. i love you very very much meeting you in person this year was genuinely one of my favorite experiences of my life. thank u for being such a good friend for all of these years. 2023 will be TEN YEARS of us being friends. thank u for loving me even when i was an annoying 15 year old and all the time in between to now. i love you!! you are funny and kind and otherwise a wonderful friend and person that i feel very lucky to know at all let alone be friends with. one day i’ll come visit you in toronto and maybe u will have ur own place and i will simply move in and live under your bed. that’s like actually the dream for me i’m ngl. but until then i’m really happy to go into our 10th year of friendship and that it’s so many of them at this point that it doesn’t even feel like that big of a deal for another new year to pass. i hope we’re friends forever 💗

OKAY ENOUGH!!!! if you read all of these for some reason you’re insane btw but thank you??? and for anyone that isn’t on here, i will once again reiterate that i appreciate you regardless. i did just get kind of burnt out i could only write so many of these SDFSDGSD but much love, i hope this post brightens your day a little and helps 2023 get off to a little bit of a better start ✨ happy new year!

[revanchistsuperstar]

holy hell, have I just had the throwback of a lifetime. dude, way on back when I was a confused unhappy little early-pubescent grub (11-14), I was obsessed with cosplay (still am) and would spend time religiously trawling deviantart and tumblr for crossplay advice, ways to bind and masculinize my face and walk and talk and comport myself more masculinely. I kept saying it was for character accuracy, but of course, there was more to it than that.

to shorten it all up, this tutorial of yours https://www.tumblr.com/revanchistsuperstar/70647041474/new-and-improved-ftm-crossplay-tutorial-if-you?source=share came up on my pinterest earlier and threw me back, after not seeing it for years now. I didn't even remember you were from middle tennessee! I googled the title of the tutorial to see if I could find the OG post, and was so glad to see you're still active on this account so many years later.

I just wanted to tell you that that tutorial was very impactful for me as a fellow southern queer kid. while I never did figure out how to make it work on my chubby, puffy little child face at the time (have gotten a bit better at makeup lately, still no pro but certainly better,) it was something to aspire to, and it was something that got me through a lot of waiting and confusion and self-discovery, knowing I *could* look like a man eventually, whatever that meant for me.

thank you for posting your tutorials online. I'm sure I'm not the only queer kid you've helped simply by being out and proud, but I wanted to tell you personally about how much you helped me survive puberty, the aspirations of passing, or at least being happy in myself regardless. I finally fully accepted myself at the end of last year, and came out to my parents early this year. It's been a lot to cope with, but life feels more promising now that I'm not hiding, and that I can seek medical transition knowing myself.

again, thank you so much for posting your tutorials. your pride has positively impacted me, and no doubt many others. I truly hope you've been well this past decade, and may the future remain bright for you. <3

Holy shit! Well way to go, and best of luck!

That tutorial is over 10 years old, that’s wild.

Believe it or not, I had my gender in no way figured out whatsoever when I was posting those, took me forever to realize what I had going on. I’ve been out as trans of some sort since 2011, but I only came out as a gay trans man and started medically transitioning a little over a year and a half ago.

But yeah I’ve been doing drag now for about 13 years! Vastly improved since the DeviantArt days lol. I now work professionally as a hair and makeup artist for stage and occasionally screen, so that’s what over a decade of plugging away at something can get you.

Glad the tutorial was helpful for you, being that it was one of the only masculinizing makeup tutorials out there on the internet at the time that I made it, its had pretty far reaching effects. Recently I’d been settling in to realizing that even though I’m only in my 30s, because I started drag in my teens I’m now becoming an elder of the drag king art form and as my co-producer from my drag troupe put it, I’m the Velvet Underground of drag kings. 🤣 But I’m glad it helped with your gender feels too!

Keep on keeping on!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I vibe with hyperfixating w/ characters. To varying degrees I’ve fixated on: Armin from AOT for a while, 1D had a DEATH GRIP on me for a few years, (SEVEAL book characters through my teen years)I had an Alucard from castlevania fixation for maybe 3 ish years (‘ending’ only recently) and now Hobes lives in my head rent free ngl.

I get the “being sad cuz you can’t meet them” part, I’ve felt it. I try to not daydream TOO much cuz otherwise it takes over my life and I’m doing a considerable effort to live OUT of my own head, but BOI do I LOVE just daydreaming about my blorbos of choice.

I don’t speak too much about it (mostly the daydreaming) cuz to an extent it feels like a “me thing” (like something I don’t wanna share with anyone cuz it’s special to me), but if given the chance I DO info dump on my fixations.

I don’t think it’s cringe, not at all. These things are stuff that helps us process the world and our experiences with it. I believe everyone has sensitive weird shit that they don’t talk about, but if there’s something Ive learned is that we hardly ever have completely unique experiences. Most people just hide their oddness. Fandom being a prime example of how much our blorbos can mean to us. I think it’s okay and normal. (Until it goes overboard and people send idk violent messages to others because they headcanon something differently idk, the unreasonable stuff imo)

Can’t believe our of everything people would dare to make JOY and INTEREST the things with negative connotations. Being mean should be cringe, being a bully should be embarrassing. But unashamedly enjoying stuff?? That’s wonderful.

Anyone too embarrassed of their own vulnerability that they deal with it by making others feel bad about their interests are the most immature out if all of us.

Joy is everything that’s good with the world.

Even just seeing the letter 1D makes me wanna scream (in a good way!!) cause it takes me back to high school lol 1D was a bit older than me so my grade had Mindless Behaviour (does anyone remember them, where they even popular) but I remember the days where 1D was like the definition of summer songs

And I can totally understand the 'me thing'. Like I never really spoke about it but I felt like I knew my daydreams were more substantial or vivid than the 'average person' so to say.

Or when I spoke about characters to other people, I understood that neurotypicals likes characters, but they often didn't see them as fully formed 'persons' in the way I do - as to say, they didn't speculate or see emotional backstory, connections, or their behavior the way I did.

I never really shared any of my daydreams because like - I can't even get into it that's like asking someone to explain Star Wars to someone who doesn't even know space travel exists.

I grew up in a time on the internet where self-inserts and OC were seen as cringe, and someone would be very quick to call out 'Mary-Sue's (or flawless OCs) whenever they could.

It's not like that now - but in juxtaposition to canon x canon shipping, that bias is still there I feel like. Like it, as a work of fandom art has less 'value' that art or fics of canon only characters

It kinda bums me out still.

I think OC and daydreams and self-indulgent inserts are all the best part of fandom because it's the purest way of fans connecting with content on a personal level.

I'm happy that I see more people pushing back on that lately. Like after years of seeing people viciously hate furries when most of them seem like very nice, fun people, it's refreshing for people to be like 'nah, actually this thing is cool. and im gonna spend of time and/or money on this thing cause i makes me happy;

like you remember when the new Star Wars movie trailers came out and that dude reacted to it and he was moved to tears and people made fun of him??

yeah fuck everyone else that dude knows whats up.

Like yes, openly cry to your faves. Fantasize deep meaningful daydreams that help you process your feelings. Draw your OC with them, or learn every single thing their is to know about them.

That's why I wanted to talk about this. Because I've never heard it spoken about before. Maladaptive daydreaming, yes - and that can be harmful. But I hardly ever hear people talk about the basic mundane experience of it - or even how it can enrich our lives and help us emotionally develop of neurodivergent people.

When I think of it that way, it's something that makes me happy. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it fully, and that's the point. Our stories are private to us, not because theyre embarrassing, but because they're so us that to even describe it would like describing a new world top to bottom

I love it. It's what makes humans humans.

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: "Sideways" by Carly Rae Jepsen

“Carly Rae Jepsen makes the kind of pop music that Taylor Swift thinks she makes.” I wrote that in a post yesterday after spending more time with Carly’s newest album, The Loneliest Time. It was just a throwaway thought that I had and felt it was post worthy. What is the internet for if not for throwing all your music hot takes out into the wild? I'll admit that I worry about dunking on Taylor too much sometimes. At this moment, Taylor is one of the most overexposed, mainstream pop stars, especially since we’re currently knee deep in promotion of her newest album, Midnights. She can be an easy target and one that you can easily hate and write off. Some of it is deserved hatred (she is very thin-skinned and catty, her fanbase likes to send death threats to Pitchfork writers, her private jet emissions are no joke) but some of it definitely isn't.

Midnights didn’t wow me. I thought some of it was okay, but it would definitely fall in the C-tier of my Taylor Swift Albums Ranked list. When you compare it to her other more recent pop offerings like 2019’s Lover or Red (Taylor’s Version) from earlier this year, Midnights misses the mark and then some for me. It just wasn’t an album that excited me.

The Loneliest Time clicked with me immediately.

From the first listen, I fell in love with it and thought it was just a phenomenal album. If I had to point to one thing that acts as a sign for what I’m looking for in current pop music, it’s the work that Carly presents here. The more that I’ve listened to the album, the more I’ve fallen for it. It’s just a phenomenal album.

But how, and more importantly, why, did The Loneliest Time get right for me what Midnights couldn’t? I’ve spent the last day thinking about it and trying to come up with an answer. I’m happy to say that I think I’ve figured it out.

I connect to Carly’s music and The Loneliest Time in a way that I don’t with Taylor’s and Midnights. I feel something with The Loneliest Time that I just can’t with Midnights. To try and explain this, I would like to point to my favorite song from Carly’s new album, “Sideways.”

You may be wondering, “Well, why not use one of the singles from the album? Why not use something like ‘Beach House’ or ‘Western Wind’ or ‘Go Find Yourself or Whatever’ or the title track?” Good question! Glad you asked! Those are all great songs to talk about! The title track especially! But I’m not gonna do that. I want to talk about “Sideways.”

“Sideways” is the shortest song on the record and isn’t nearly as bombastic or adventurous as some of the album’s singles and highlights. If somebody told me they thought it was the most forgettable song, I wouldn’t blame them. But I find it’s one of my favorites on the album. There are so many things I love about it. Musically, I think the entire song is catchy as hell. It’s got a great, infectious beat and the guitar in this song sounds great. The keyboards during the chorus have such a flavor to them and it adds a nice texture to a very infectious chorus. It’s such a fun little song to do a fun little dance to. Sure, it’s very sugary and sweet, but I kinda love it for that. Over the last couple of years I’ve gotten so exhausted with the sad, moody, and downbeat pop that seems to rule the airwaves this is just such a breath of fresh air for me. This was the first indication to me that Midnights wasn’t what I was looking for. I was looking for something a little more optimistic, something that is still upbeat and trying to be joyful even when it’s raining on my parade.

Pop songs like “Sideways” are so cute and fun! The beauty of pop music is that you can have songs like this that aren’t going for anything grand, they’re just meant to capture a feeling, a vibe, if you will. The production on this song does just that. It’s so slick and really tight. Nothing sounds out of place or wasted here, even on a short cut like this one. The vocal effects on the pre-chorus and the way Carly delivers it is sublime. The whole damn thing is fantastic and it’s just more evidence that Carly and her collaborators have this kind of music down to a science. This track stood out to me the first time I heard it and I just keep going back to it. It’s one of those songs that fits the description of, “I will listen to only this song for days and will only move on once I’ve become completely sick of it.”

I listened to a recent interview Carly gave to Q on CBC where she talked in-depth about the making of The Loneliest Time, amongst a few other things like joining a dating app (I love imagining her on Bumble or Tinder trying to desperately convince someone that it’s really her and not a catfish) and her experiences with life during the time of a pandemic. One highlight from that interview that I found especially interesting was her insight on connecting with others through song and feeling the need to ask who a song is for during the writing process.

"I do think it's really important to me to think like, 'Who is it for? Is that for me? Or is it something that connects?' Because to me the magic is what you get to do at the show. When you see someone else singing it or you see somebody online kind of like making it theirs and it's no longer to do with you. You're gonna have to get out of the way almost. That's like the whole magic. That's the whole point of the whole thing."

That’s when I figured it out. That’s the key difference I find between Carly and Taylor. Connection.

Taylor Swift makes music for one person and one person only: Taylor Alison Swift. People can relate to her words and find personal meaning in it. Many people have and that’s great. But the problem is that as a lyricist, Taylor leaves so much of herself on the page that I’ll never be able to separate her from it completely; her songs can never be mine. I think that’s one major reason why people have made so many jokes over the years about her dating various men and breaking up with them just so she could get song ideas. Her lyrics read like confessional diary entries but they’re so personal to her and her own experiences only that I feel no connection to them. When I hear lines like “Midnights become my afternoons / When my depression works the graveyard shift” I can sympathize with Taylor, but I can’t connect with that. My midnights and my depression look different from hers because while we’re both schmucks from Pennsylvania, only one of us is the biggest music star in the world. I don’t deny the validity of feelings she has nor deny her right to have them, but I understand that she has a lot more access to the resources to battle those midnights and depression that I don’t and will never have. I’ve always felt a kind of disconnect with Taylor and her songwriting and it’s at its worst with Midnights. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me” is fucking amateur hour, especially from a woman who has gotten it right several times before. Midnights takes no chances and she’s so absorbed in her own world and her own specific problems at this point that none of it could ever translate to mine. Taylor Swift isn’t a person to me at this point, she’s a brand. I can get a glimpse into her world with her music, but I’m only allowed to be on the outside looking in. It’s like being in a museum where I get to see the exhibits, but I can’t touch them. You can enjoy the music to your heart’s content while it’s being played, but you can’t take it with you when the show is over.

Meanwhile, I connected with “Sideways” entirely on the strength of one line alone: “I get all my confidence from you.” I admit, it’s not the most dazzling line ever, but it’s miles above something like “Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man,” which sounds like the kind of stupid “hip businessman” thing Kendall Roy from Succession would say in a boardroom meeting to interns who groaned as soon as they saw him opening the door. No line in “Sideways,” or the rest of The Loneliest Time for that matter, will haunt me the way that “Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby / And I'm a monster on the hill” has. Would you believe that a woman who has been making music for eighteen years wrote those lines? Poets here on Tumblr have written less embarrassing lines. I can admit that “Sideways” doesn’t do anything lyrically that’s particularly outstanding. It doesn’t have the humor of “Beach House” and it doesn’t explore the feelings of a broken relationship the same way “Go Find Yourself or Whatever” does. But what it does do very well is it captures a feeling. I connected with this in a way that Taylor’s “Anti-Hero” or “Vigilante Shit” couldn’t manage. “I get all my confidence from you” was delivered so lovingly and with such heartfelt genuineness that I immediately had someone in my head that fit that line. “I’m living to look at your face / Living it up together / Ever since you said that you were mine” sounds so magical and celebratory that I had a smile on my face the first time I heard it. It sounds like victory. It sounds like what it means to be over the moon and to be caught up in that feeling of love and happiness so well, even when the song itself says so little. I think, “You go, Carly! I too want to be so satisfied that I smile at strangers!”

This song captures that kind of love where even when you’re being kind of embarrassing and making social faux paus (“One more cute disaster / Said, 'I love you' twice / Before you could even answer / It’s hard here in paradise”) it doesn’t deter from the way you feel. The song never dips or breaks its cheeriness. It’s beautiful when you’re living in a time where everything is going your way, even when things go sideways. This little song captures that happy feeling. I want more of this.

“Carly Rae Jepsen makes the kind of pop music that Taylor Swift thinks she makes.” I still stand by this statement. Here is a woman who makes pop music with connection in mind. A woman who makes pop music where the audience, no matter who that audience might be, is really considered. What can you take and keep when the album leaves her hands and enters the big wide world? The answer, hopefully, is a hell of a lot. This is fantastic pop and I hope you give this little track and some of the other songs from the album I’ve been name dropping a fair shot, because I think Carly is helping to end yet another wild year in this already wild decade with a chance to escape and have some fun. If Midnights didn’t wow you like it didn’t wow me, I’m hopeful that this will.

Carly, I’m so satisfied. Keep shining bright. You’ve reached the moon with this.

[hannah-m]

Letter to the Future

Dear 2023 Hannah, 

How has life been? Do you remember living in House on Iowa ave, eating Sunday dinner with friends, Lunches at Burge (oh, how great are cooks and dishwashers?), junior year, Jamie, going to Arizona with M and S, gearing up for trip to Europe?! What new technology has happened since back here in the dark ages? Do we remember our first two acer laptops? Do you remember the idea for a new book format you had that would let readers watch as the book was being written? Teleportation yet? (doubtful :P) 

Where do you live?! What are you doing? Are you doing something you either 1. Enjoy or 2. has a kick-ass salary? 

Do we remember what it was _like_ to be 21 yr. old Hannah? She's currently gaining an appreciation for wine, she love being outside, she spends too much time on the internet doing nothing, she plays diplomacy and gurps, she watchs game of thrones, vampire diaries and the walking dead. She writes dream journals, Skinny Coast, and random poems. She just started liking country music. :P

What new styles of music have come out? Do we remember Love,Love,Love by avalanche city, Satellite by guster, all of our favorite classic rock songs? Is love still as important to us? Did we find someone who is not just our love but also our equal, our best friend, but still more than that? Did we waste time having kids? Does that phrasing bother us? :P

Have we made it to Australia? Japan? Hawaii? Italy again? Scotland? Russia? 

Did we spend a year after college traveling? In another location? Working? Adventuring? Teaching?

Do we still keep in contact with old friends (I know we're never all that good about it). Did we make up with Steve? Did we keep track of House? Did we ship Megan and Ryan together correctly? 

How is the economy? Back in 2013 I can get a decent lunch at z'mariks in IC for 7$, rent is 385/month, a laptop for 400-500, phone service for 45/mo, froyo for less than 5.  Do we still love trying new foods? Do we still love passionately? Do we still listen to songs and smile or laugh for no reason? Do we remember why exactly we love who we love, appreciate them, and tell them why? Do we remember to play games, talk to friends, _appreciate_ things, and express ourselves?

Do we still feel happy, lucky, and loved? Has every year gotten at least a little better than the last? 2013 was the last year we had any grandparents, have our thoughts on death changed? 

Are we still an earth bound sun? Do we remember what it feels like to be cute, adorable, happy, envied, but also envious? Remember being young! 

Do we remember our past fondly? Who had the biggest impact? What would you have told me, message from the future? 

Finally, do we have any pets? and if no, WHY NOT?

Lots of love, 

Hannah, ca. 2013 (I'm sure it was a great 10 years, cheers to many many more to come.)

[coralwinchester-blog]

WARNING!! LONG DEPRESSING RANT!!

I found myself at what I have determined was the lowest point of my life so far. Lower than in high school when my depression got so bad that I wanted to kill myself and almost did a couple times. It was awful back then, but I had outlets and tools to help me. At 21 years old, I no longer had a happy place to go to. I failed out of college and lost all of my passions. The relationship that I was in was drowning me in a puddle of poison. The house that I lived in felt like a prison cell that was guarded by the officer that framed me for the crime. The only place I could get away from the officer was hiding under the bed and that’s such a cramped area and impossible to stay there forever.

And then I left. I left the city. I left the state. I left my friends behind and moved on to a place I never thought I’d go. My only friend in the new city was my dog, named by my ex and I will forever be reminded of that. But he was still my support and comfort.

I found a job immediately. 7 months later, I was promoted. 8 months after that I was promoted again. It feels good to be good at something. But being good at what I do doesn’t keep the empty feeling from coming back. There’s a lot of down time at work. Time to accidentally reflect and depress myself even more. My stress acne won’t go away. No matter how often I get promoted, it’s never enough money to relieve my stress.

My dog. My friend. My baby. He’s the sweetest, but not the smartest. He swallowed a toy. He needed surgery or euthanasia. Tearfully, I turn to my mother for help. Mom, I’m not ready to let him go. I need him. With a sigh, mom allows me to use her credit card with the promise that I’ll pay back every penny, even interest. I agree. Dog gets surgery and makes a fine recovery. $3,000. I feel robbed blind, but at least my baby is alive. No more toys for him. Six months later, he gets into the trash and swallows something else he can’t pass. Reluctantly mom allows me to use her card again. Another $3,000. Dad is angry that I would spend so much on a dog. I am yet again relieved that my best friend is still alive.

I am privileged. I live with my parents at a discounted rate. I have friends in the new city too, along with some friends in other cities. The internet is great for that. I have acquired the title and pay of “supervisor” at work. My life looks great. Like I’m on my way to living a successful life. I was able to take two different trips, each to see different friends in different cities. People are jealous. And those times are great, but the feelings that the moments bring are temporary. I go back to my regular life and the emptiness starts again. I shouldn’t say that. It never left. It was just covered by serotonin. I can admit my privilege, but I cannot feel it.

Dad is an alcoholic. He is sober again for now. Mom is afraid that his addiction will be passed down. Alcohol makes my tummy hurt if I drink too much. But it has been passed down. Alcohol just isn’t my drug of choice. Some may assume that it’s sugar, because I’m fat. While that may also be the case, it’s not what I got from my dad. I smoke marijuana every night that I can. It’s the best sleep of my life. It’s also the best orgasm, but I won’t talk about that. I joke about being a stoner, but I also feel dread inside. I’m no better than dad. Of course, I always stay safe. I never smoke when I have to work or drive. I really am sober most of the day. But when night comes, I take a 10mg gummy and smoke until my head spins. I love that feeling. But that love is what fills me with dread, knowing I’m just like my father.

All of this has taken place in the time span of less than 2 years. I still feel lost. I don’t know what my future holds and it’s painful knowing that I cannot plan that far ahead. I don’t know what I can do in life to get rid of the emptiness. Is this just what life is? Living with the empty feeling forever because your dreams will never be achieved? It feels like everything I do is working toward nothing. I am afraid that I’ll never be able to commit. I am still paying off the $2700 engagement ring that I picked out. He promised he would help pay for it, we just had to use my credit because his was terrible. Now I still have the ring, the debt, and the regret. I was the one who broke things off, and yet I am still the one full of resentment. I tell people I haven’t dated anyone because my standards are higher. I don’t want anyone remotely like him. But really, I’m just terrified. The one time I had sex after him, I was drunk and it was disastrous. Im afraid to let anyone see my body anymore. Im afraid to let anyone know who I am anymore. Im afraid of the internal disgust that I convince myself they feel when they see me. I am only 22. I know I have time. But I don’t know how else to heal from this besides be brave and just do it. I always convince myself not to, though.

If you got this far, I’m sorry, you definitely should have scrolled. But thank you for taking the time to listen. It feels like the notes app on my phone is a terrible listener lately. And I don’t want to say all of this to my best friend. They have enough to worry about.

In case anyone did read this, I want to ensure you that I am okay. I know this post is scary and depressive, but writing is the best way to lighten the load that I carry. I am okay.

[manekicatwriter]

hellooo! i was wondering if i could make a request for an modern au sbi x gn sibling reader where they’re around 17-19, and they’ve got depression. they’ve had to go away for a few weeks after a bad episode ended in an attempt and they were hospitalized and sent somewhere for rehabilitation and now they’re coming home and they’re all anxious and quiet and stuff- so the boys do their best to like comfort them and reassure them that they’re loved and they belong there? i’m sorry if that’s an awkward request, i was just recently discharged after a similar situation and honestly the comfort would be great. it’s totally your call if you chose to write it tho, i understand that this is a difficult and triggering subject and not everyone is comfortable with writing things like it. if you aren’t comfy please feel free to just ignore my ask! <3

you’re here, and that’s what matters.

TW: mentions of attempted suicide. please proceed with caution.

hey! i just wanted to let you know that i’ve been through a similar situation and understand how you feel (though my case was not as severe). i wish you a safe road to recovery.

note, i think you asked for their characters but it leant itself towards their rl versions. i have a feeling the dsmp versions would be too chaotic for this sensitive subject.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! please do not be afraid to send in an ask. ANON IS ON!!

Phil:

- phil was very scared about you being so gravely hurt, it kept him up for some nights. thankfully, you pulled through.

- he visited whenever he could. if he couldn’t, he was busy making sure coming home felt as comfortable for you as possible while also educating himself on how to take care of you.

- phil would listen to how you felt, and be understanding of your feelings.

- “You don’t have to tell me why you did it, I’m just glad you’re here,” pulling you in for a warm hug.

- when you got back home, he made sure he and the boys had prepared your favorite dinner and desserts.

It was the day you had just got home from rehabilitation, and you two were sitting on the couch. You hadn’t said much, you felt like you had nothing to say. Phil had asked for you to sit down so you two could talk, one on one.

You couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” your voice started to crack. “For making you guys worry about me.” Tears started to form from your eyes and you wept into your hands.

Phil immediately reached over to you to hug you, letting you cry on his shoulder. “We don’t blame you. We don’t blame anybody. I just want you to be here safe with us. Let it all out.” He pat and rubbed your back soothingly as you kept crying. But it was a good cry. He was just glad you came home.

Tommy:

- even though many see tommy as a loud and obnoxious boy with a general disregard for others, we all know deep down that’s a persona. he will go out of his way to make other comfortable in his presence if he truly cares for them. which he does, for you of course.

- he wants to make you happy! when the time is right, he’ll crack jokes and offer to play minecraft with you.

- would tone down the yelling. not because you asked, but he’s afraid of triggering you. treats you like glass. if you notice he’s being quieter than usual and you don’t care, you tell him you don’t.

- if you’re feeling it, he’ll take you out to fun places and to eat. nothing that’s too outlandish like a theme park, but just enough to have a reason to get out of bed that day instead of sleeping in.

It had been a week since you had gotten home and Phil had instructed you to maintain somewhat of a schedule to upkeep yourself. Right now was your nightly routine, washing yourself, brushing your teeth, and finally sliding under the covers. It felt nice. The blanket of sleep consumes you easily…

…

Until you bedroom door opens you’re being aggressively shaken awake. You groan, shying away, but they’re persistent.

“Ey, wake up, it’s morning!” Tommy shakes you again.

You realize you didn’t dream, but think nothing of it. “Tommy please, what do you want.”

Finally, Tommy pulled your warm sheets from over you, making you flinch. “I wanted to go out to the park today! Feed the ducks! Yeesss!”

You sighed. If you didn’t comply now, Tommy will refuse to stop nagging you for the rest of the day. You rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. You could very clearly hear Tommy’s cheers.

You two had gotten ready, eaten breakfast, and said goodbye to the rest of your family so you could head over to the park. It was close enough that it wasn’t unbearable to walk to. Even if you weren’t completely yourself yet, you were glad Tommy was.

After the short walk you two finally reached the park. Tommy immediately bolted toward the pond and you jogged behind. He had already started throwing the ducks some seeds, and even threw it on a duck. It didn’t seem too pleased.

You two sat at the edge of the pond as you watched the ducks eat. “Hey.” You hear Tommy call to you, and you turn your head to him.

“Can we talk about what happened? With you? Is it okay?” You could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“Go ahead, what is it?”

“When Techno found out what happened to you, and told us the news, I was scared shitless.” He let out a sad huff. “I thought we were going to lose you.” Tommy kept his eyes fixed at the pond in front of him. “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have brought this up. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He sighed.

You put a hand on his shoulder. “Oh Tommy…” You started, “I’m sorry for making you worry. You shouldn’t have to feel like that because of my actions.”

Tommy was lost in thought for a moment, before finally speaking up, “No, please don’t apologize. It’s not anybody’s fault this happened, right?” You nodded.

Tommy stood up, dusting his pants off from the grass. “Come on now, let’s go get some ice cream!” He pulled you up from the ground.

“Last one to get to the shop has to pay!”

Immediately, Tommy bolts in the direction to the ice cream shop, and you catch up to him. No matter the circumstance is, he never seems to fail at putting a smile on your face.

Wilbur:

- i HC wilbur being the oldest, being older than techno by 3 years and older than tommy by 8, like IRL. :]

- i think out of all of your siblings, wilbur exudes the most “protective older brother” energy, yeah?

- remember when tommy lied about his mother being in trouble and how worried and anxious wilbur got? turn that up to 11 with what happened with you.

- with wilbur being the oldest, he of course had the responsibility of taking care of everyone. but somehow you and him didn’t spend as much 1 on 1 time as much as wilbur did with his other siblings

- wilbur definitely was going to change that, realizing that and not wanting to make that mistake again.

- he decided that finding a new hobby with you wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

You were sitting at the dinner table, being the last one there. You were poking at your food for the most part, and Wilbur got home late from… whatever Wilbur thing he was doing. Phil cooked pasta for dinner tonight. Wilbur put down his bags at the door connected to the garage. “I’m home! What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta.”

“Mmm, I love some good ol’ pasta.” He said, already taking a plate out to serve himself. “Also, hey, I bought something I wanted to build with you. Do you mind?”

You finally looked up from your very interesting pasta. “Build..?” You had no idea where this was going.

Wilbur placed his plate on the table and approached the bags of groceries, going through them to find the bag he was looking for. He pulled out a LEGO set. More specifically, a LEGO City set from the looks of the box? “Wilbur, how much was that?”

He blinked at you innocently. “It was only, like, £25. And look! It’s got a little submarine we can make with a rock and ugly sea monster—“

“But why?”

“Why not? It wouldn’t hurt for you to do something new, yeah?” He smiled at you, shaking the LEGO box in front of him to show it off. You sighed, but smiled. “Alright. But maybe you and I should eat this pasta first before we start building.” Wilbur nodded.

“Speaking of water, don’t you think I could teach you how to swim or something?”

“Oh, fuck off with that!”

Technoblade:

- i think out of everyone in the family, he understands you the most in terms of how you feel.

- not suicidal, but just generally having depressive episodes due to his ADHD.

- techno’s generally closed off, but started to really open up to you because he wanted to show he cares, even if it meant going out of his comfort zone.

- techno suggested journaling. once a day or once per week, it didn’t really matter. just as long as you could write down your feelings somewhere.

- he didn’t explicitly say it, but he also bought a book for himself so he could do it along with you. although, he more often than not just forgets to write in it until you mention your own journal.

- if you want to be sad and quiet, you can be sad and quiet with him. his room is a safe space for you if you ever need it and you’re always welcome to come in, just as long as you knock first.

With one hand on your mouse scrolling through the internet, and another resting your head on it, you were safe to admit you were utterly and completely bored. Honestly, you thought about taking another nap after your last one, but a knock on your door stopped you right before you pulled the covers over yourself. “Can I come in?”

You rose from your bed. “Come in. Oh hey Techno.”

He gave a simple wave and his signature “Halloo.” He walked right over to you and handed a journal and a ballpoint pen. “I got this. For you.” His stare was sharp but you could sort of tell he was nervous.

“What for?”

“I dunno. Writin’ your feelings down or drawin’ or somethin’. Whatever helps you vent.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Oh Techno, thank you. That’s very sweet of you.” You gave a slight smile, but saw that he still had another journal in his hand. “You have two journals?”

Techno raised his eyebrow in confusion before looking down at his hand. “Oh this? It’s for me. So we could do it together, I guess.”

You let out a happy hum. “That’s nice. Say, why don’t we go to your room? I want to see your new lava lamp and stuff.”

Techno shrugged. “Sure. I’ve got more stationary too if you want.” He waved his hand before letting himself out the door, with you following not far behind.

hi hope u enjoyed reading as much as i did writing it. this format was new for me but very fun!

[kkusuka]

Have I told you I hate weak y/n’s that get pushed around by fangirls? No? Well, I hate them 😊

Let’s have Oikawa, Atsumu, Akaashi, Semi, and Terushima react to their normally calm gf, beat the dog shit out of a fangirl that tried to intimidate her for dating said men above. Reader just has a soft smile before cocking her fist back and boxing her shit before holding up the fangirl and looking to the rest like “You wanna end up like her? No? Then know your place~ ☺️”. Then she faces her bf with a sweet smile and says something affectionate like “I brought you lunch, dear. I made it just how you like it 😄” before kissing his cheek like she didn’t go Muhammad Ali on a bitch

<3

Oikawa Tooru<3

Oikawa’s had more than a few less than pleasant experiences with women

Considering he’s always been surrounded by them, from his sister's friends in middle school and being swarmed by them in High school and college- having women around him was nothing new

And for the most part, they were all pleasant

Giving him little gifts and food- that he always gave to you- and just telling him how much they loved watching him play

All things he can deal with before talking to his favorite girl, you

Though, there have been instances of some bold woman who just never get the hint

Whether it be drunkenness or some weird dream of having Oikawa to herself or just blatant disregard of his relationship

And right now just happens to be one of those times- but now you got a firsthand view of the madness.

Whoever this was clearly didn't understand relationships or personal space for that matter

She had a hand on his chest and was just blubbering about how she would be the best wife for him and would make life so much easier- much more than you do for him- and that was just what you saw from the ten seconds you were in earshot

He would normally laugh it offend continue seeking out autographs but he seemed to be locked in an iron maiden

“I promise! Forget about your girlfriend, she’s useless anyways!” and finally a perfect chance to make yourself known

“Tooru, I have your lun-” you attempted to grab him away, him shooting a pleading look to save him before your wrist was snatched from his arm and tugged away and shoved to the side then pushing your body away from the two

“Back off bitch!”

Now,  you were normally a pretty calm person, you knew how to deal with the women and you have been for years.

But you stand by the fact that it was never ok to put your hands on someone- no matter the situation.

But at that moment, you could care less about your silly reparations and breathing methods, that lady put a hand on you and pushed you

You could hear Tooru telling her to keep her hands off you but you just looked around and made sure that everyone saw what had happened, you don't need to be arrested anytime soon

Grabber her arm you detached her from your boyfriends and in the next second your fist was connecting with her face, watching her wither on the floor you turn to your boyfriend who’s now coming towards you

“As I was saying, I have your lunch.”

Atsumu Miya<3

Another guy who’s constantly surrounded by women

Although he is far less appreciative and nice to them, and he makes it a point to be abundantly clear that you are the only woman he will spend the rest of his life with

Something that wasn't too popular with a few specific fans

Every blue moon someone will find his phone number and blow it up with loving messages or try and get his address

The worst it’s been was someone finding his apartment number and thankfully being too far away to come by themselves but they did send some inappropriate images to his PO box and that led him to create an even thinker line between fans and himself

Thankful, the whole of them understood and respected his boundaries

Buuuuut there are always people who go the extra step

Like whoever this is crowding your boyfriend after a win against the Alders with a giant poster of him and a …. Thong

If you were the slightest more stoic you would have held in the laugh that started it all but it seems crazy is crazy no matter how you provoke them

That lady heard you laugh and the flood gates opened, in a split second her hand was on your cheek then she was on the floor holding what you could hope was a broken jaw

You didn't even realize you punched her until a shooting pain went up your wrist

Though before you had a chance to return to your lovely boyfriend, who was standing in the same spot shell shocked (and slightly turned on)  hand grabbed your ankle the flung you to the ground

It was, for lack of a better term, a catfight

She was hitting you and you were hitting her and she was screaming random shit about how awful you were to her precious Atsumu- seriously this lady was insane

Nevertheless, security arrived, and let’s just say that you were in much better condition than she was, who knew you could fight so well?

Though you weren't allowed to come to the next game and had to apologize to the heads of the Volleyball association, Tsumu was proud of you and the internet was on your side- so it was kind of a win-win

Akaashi Keiji<3

He surprisingly doesn't have a swarm of fangirls around him

But it’s much much worse, you’d rather have a mob of girls around him than the four specific psychos that never leave the poor guy alone

Everywhere in school at least one of them is watching the two of you, in class, at lunch- no matter where you try and eat- you swear you even saw one at the boba show you pass on your walk home with him

The worst part?

He thinks it’s funny.

It is hilarious to him that you try so hard to keep them away full knowing he would never leave you for the likes of them. It’s just too cute how you puff up your cheeks and huff about them and honestly, it's a breath of fresh air considering how much everyone kisses up to him

Well- he likes it when they are at a distance

On the off chance they get close to him, it's a different story. They truly are intolerable, and they away try bad-mouthing you to him like it was supposed to mean something that they don't like you

And they only ever do it when you’re away- cowards they truly are. And since they’re always watching, as soon as you left to buy the two of you lunch, one of them was on him in an instant

She was annoying and all she could say was ho you were a ‘poison’ in his life and he had to leave you as soon as possible

He didn't even realize you were there until a hand grabbed the back of her uniform and flung her off him. And from the looks of it, falling on the ground really hurt

“I’m a poison? That’s all you could come up with?”

You didn't even have to say another word, she was already out of sight

Not missing a beat, you handed him his lunch and started talking about the latest episode of the volleyball anime you loved.

Semi Eita<3

First off- a total power couple

Not only are you willing to beat a bitch, but he’s also ready to hype you up while you do it

It’s not confirmed you have, but there are rumors that you fought more than a few girls who were less than pleasant. And it’s not like you do anything for rumor control, you just laugh and turn the other way

Still, even with the rumor mill running rampant, some girls still try and shoot their shot

But this girl has to be the boldest woman on planet earth

Not only was she flirting with an openly taken man, but she was flirting with him as he held his arm around your waist. She even looked at you as she spoke to him, the audacity of people these days

“You like music? That’s crazy, I do too!” you wanted her to shut the fuck up as soon as possible.

What pissed you off more was that he knew exactly what he was doing, and he was letting it happen to spite you.

What happened after this you blame solely on the alcohol the party was providing and not on the fact you wanted to clock this girl the moment you saw her

It was just that suddenly your drink was in her face

Then her drink was in her face, and she was running to the bathroom, maybe she should listen to rumors more often because you don't think strawberry daiquiri will come out of a white crop too so easily

Terushima Yuji<3

He’s an ass

But he’s your ass, somehow

He’s a manwhore and an attention-whore, mix that should have been shot before it could grow into something more

By now you're used to the girls slipping him their numbers and hitting him up on every social media site possible and you remain happy to say he doesn't respond- probably too busy dicking you down to care about any of them

Plus, less than 1%  of them actually approach them in public, and they just happen to be the most insufferable people on the planet.

Desperation doesn't even describe it

Of that 1%, at least half of them try to touch him, running a hand on his arm, tugging at his clothes, maybe even a strand of his hair, all you can deal with because he knows what’ll happen if he even entertains their advances

But for some reason, the only thing that sets you off is when they mention the tongue piercing.

It invokes a rage unknown within you, the second the metal ball’s mentioned you see red. And he fucking loves it, you could be three prefectures over and the second the girl mentions it, you magically appear at his side like you’d been there the whole time

All of a sudden you’re all over him, disregarding this girls words as she tries to bring the conversation back to her, going as far as grabbing your shoulder, and since she touched you first- you had the green light

Your arm pulled back and your fist connected to her cheek

And like nothing ever happened you turned back to the blond

tags: @diamond-3 @rinsangel @heyheyitsne @angelalje @monisi @crystal-lilac @sadpotato10

[alreadyblondenow]

I loved you first, but you’re not the last

“....You’re special so it requires extra effort. Happy Valentines and happy first day of being a couple,”

Pairing: Mark Lee x female!reader

Genre: Angst, SMUT, fluff, childhood best friends to lovers

WC: 4,588k

Warnings: Fake dating, break up,swearing, mentions or other idol, reader x Taeyong in the end, Taeyong as Mark’s brother, unprotected sex, virginity loss, a lot of making out, mentions of making out, touching, a small amount of dirty talking, oral sex (female receiving), overstimulation

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I get my internet connection back. Gosh I hope this posts. Part of Request Party

It was in the middle of the night when you received a call that did not just woke you up, but also woke your whole being. Body, mind and soul.

“You’re back?” crankily you sat up from bed, scratching your heavy eyes and about to get out of bed because the person on the other line is right outside your house, waiting for you.

He has been away and gone for too long because of college... and you should be excited as you go downstairs to meet him, but you know why he’s here and it’s no good news. Let’s face it, this night will not end nice.

“Here goes nothing,” you murmured. Wrapping yourself with your thick jacket before you finally step outside.

And the moment you opened the door, snow was falling and you didn’t miss how the snow landed peacefully on Mark’s eyelashes. Eyes looking straight to you, those sad eyes that can’t hide the pain that he’s holding. A pain that you caused.

You wanted to finally reunite first with a hug, but he got ahead of you and took your chance to show him how much you missed him.

“How could you?” he started, eyes still locked on yours. “I thought we were going to wait and do it right- how could you date my brother while I was away?”

Even you find it cruel. What you did to Mark was cruel, selfish, and unforgivable. And truth be told, you don’t have the right words now. You wanted to explain of course, but you’re scared it might break him even more. “I love your brother,” you said softly. Not even brave enough to look him in the eye because you feel bad.

“You loved me first,” he bite back. And you can’t help but be weak in front of him and cry. Usually whenever you cry, he will walk towards you and remind you how much you mean to him. But you guess not tonight, maybe you don’t deserve love tonight.

“You left me, remember?” you dried your tears and tried being brave even just for a short period. Just until you have the guts to walk away.

“Whatever. It’s not yet too late. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy,”

He finally said his true purpose tonight. This was his last chance and the only to win you back. But even though he has never been more honest in his whole life except tonight, he feels like not even telling you his feelings can bring you back to him. Mark was so frustrated that he has tears in his eyes already that you wanted to dry so bad. But if you really want him to respect the relationship you have with his brother, then this is the perfect time.

“I may have loved you first, but your brother is the last man I’ll love. I’m sorry Mark,”

And just as you finish saying those hurtful words, you finally have the bravery to turn your back on him and ignore his shouting that you’re sure your parents and neighbors heard. This is you throwing a decade of good friendship because of unrequited love.

FOUR YEARS AGO

The day before Valentines day, you don’t know what’s up with your mood or with you in general, because you’ve been so envy with the people around you, couples to be exact. As you admire happy couples in school who celebrates Valentines as early as now, you can’t help but to imagine someone.... someone that will give you flowers, chocolates... kisses, or whatever you’ll accept in whole heartedly.

Valentines is like Christmas, it’s a day of giving and receiving. But that only applies if you have someone special whom you can spend the day with and exchange shiny, glittery, and sparkling Valentine cards with.

“I can be your fake boyfriend, come on it will be fun,” he raises his seagull eyebrows and smirked. Come to think of it, it’s not a bad idea. You’ve been best friends even before kindergarten, you watch each other grow and went through puberty together until the next thing you know, you’re printing college applications together in your room because his printer broke down.

“Let’s not go to college without having the experience of high school love... you know, let’s have fun before we graduate with flying colors. Let’s go to parties, participate in Valentine-gram tomorrow, go to prom together. What do you say?” he added.

“But everything’s fake? What’s the point of fake dating if we already look like were dating ever since we started being friends?” You whine and flop on your bed, Mark did the same thing.

“Don’t think about it too much, just say yes,” for a moment you both just stared at the ceiling, wondering what could go wrong if you started fake dating. “Anyway, you don’t have a choice. I need to get home and answer these- Bye, you’re my girlfriend now!”

“W-what? Mark-“

And just before you could reason out with him, he’s gone with his college applications and you’re left with your thoughts and excitement. You don’t know why but Mark’s crazy idea made your heart jump, it’s like a good electricity that made you look for your art materials and spend the whole evening making your fake boyfriend a blue shiny, glittery, and sparkling Valentine card.

Even if the motive was fake, the effort was real and it felt good and right at that very moment.

But little did you know that his idea of fake dating was only his way to not shock you when he finally confess his feelings to you.

That’s right, your best friend is in love with you.

If she wears blue tomorrow I will confess to her. He tells himself as he stares in his ceiling, feeling the same excitement and electricity in his heart. Trying so hard to sleep but he kept on thinking about you and can’t help but feel the excitement for tomorrow again.

“You and Y/n started dating? Since when?” Mark’s mother exclaimed happily while driving. Looking at his son admire the roses he got you from the flower shop downtown.

“We’re just starting mom. Thanks for helping me pick these up by the way,”

“Oh there she is! Wearing blue! Oh I never realized how you two grew such good looking kids until now,”

Mark breathed in and let it out with a smile, thankful that you wore his favorite color, because he can’t continue to hide his feelings for you. Maybe you and him are really bound to happen.

As you wave goodbye to Mrs. Lee with a bright smile, there you see Mark carrying a unique bouquet of roses and your eyes immediately went big and sparkled because. Not to mention your heart beats so hard and fast because he looked so handsome even in his casual clothes.

“Wow- I’m speechless, these are beautiful. Where did you get these?” you accept the bouquet as he hands it to you with a smile. Engraving the look of your face in his mind and heart, swearing to himself that from now on he will make you happy like this everyday.

“It’s a secret. You’re special so it requires extra effort. Happy Valentines and happy first day of being a couple,” he said and planted a kiss on your forehead. Something so natural for you and him, but today is different. Nonetheless, you believe that today will be a beautiful and eventful day.

In the see of people wearing red and white in your school’s hallway, you and Mark are happy wearing blue. Such a sad color but you wearing it makes him the happiest guy today. Everywhere you look has a dash of red and pink, hearts are hanged here and there and almost everyone has red roses on their hand... except you.

Because you’re holding a bouquet of rainbow roses.

This year’s Valentines wasn’t like any other Valentine’s you usually have. Today you have Mark.

You have Mark to hold your hand while you walk on the school’s hallway. You have Mark to look at you so lovingly that your heart melts whenever you catch him looking. You have Mark to take you out on a date after school and take cute photos in a photo booth. You have Mark to share a big drink with two straws.

And most especially, you have Mark to kiss you under the dark sky full of stars in front of your house.

His lips were soft as expected. And the way his tongue swipes on your lip in the most subtle way just makes you want him to kiss more. He smiled in between kissing when you pulled him closer and kiss him more when he was about to pull away. And oh! You did not miss the way he softly moans, such music to your ears but sad to say you can only hear them tonight.

“Did you liked my Valentine card? I left it in your locker,”

You finally pulled away and surprised him. Wiping away the spit from your mouth, you wiped Mark’s as well. He only smiled to you and you wish he would stop doing it because you’re growing a little crush on him already.

“It’s full of glitters, it’s blue and it has watermelons. Of course I love it” he said then did it again, melted your heart with that damn handsome smile.

“Good,” you said softly, fixing his hoodie and finally giving him a bear hug that he deserves. “I don’t want this night to end,” you finally admitted it.

“Then let’s not end it,”

“Wait, you’re not faking anymore aren’t you-“

And just like that Mark cut you off with a deep kiss. Nothing like how he kissed you earlier. This time he was holding you tight that you’re almost out if breath and you feel like he’s about to crush you anytime. But the way he kissed you... it’s his way of confessing his love to you.

On the following days, everything changed between you and Mark. Though it’s clear that what you feel for him is only just a crush now and he knows it, still the guy is hopeful that you will love him like how he loves you.

Mark is the perfect definition of consistent. He showed you how he feels for you each day, and each day he became better than the day before, sweeter and bolder. He was putting everything on the line for you, showering you the love he has always kept in him. That’s why, in a matter of months you finally made it official with him and you can’t wait what the future has in store for the both of you.

“What do you love about me?” you asked out of nowhere while he was in the middle of playing his guitar. It wasn’t a hard question, but it made him stop and think for a second.

“I love how you give me constant reasons to love you even more each day,” the first line was enough, but Mark has more to say. “The way you kiss my cheek in the most friendly way but it always meant something to me, how you accepted me to be your friend and now boyfriend. I love how you love me, because being loved back by you is something so special that only us can understand”

What he said moved you of course. You didn’t know that he loves you deeply even before you started the fake dating thing. And knowing that Mark is just crazy and madly in love with you, you can’t help but wish that you are too. For now all you can do is accept his love, and give back however you can. You love him of course, but you can’t keep up with his love yet.

Days passed by and your relationship grew sweeter. More sweet words were exchanged and more kisses were given. Way more. Until you find yourselves making out whenever you two are alone.

“Aw!” you express your pain when Mark accidentally bit your lip. Something so sexy but it hurt and it made you both stop what you’re doing.

“Oops. Sorry, I got carried away” he says and took a look at your lips. “You’re fine right?”

“Mhmm” You answered, but just before he was about to start kissing you again, you stopped him by pulling away. “And it’s getting late, I think you should go home,”

“But I want to stay for more,” he said with a sly smile. Caressing your shoulders and soothing your back. If course you did not miss what he was talking about for more. You and Mark are young, and being new to this relationship thing just makes you both want to explore and feed each other’s curiosity.

“When I’m ready. I promise it will be worth the wait, for now it’s getting late and you need to go home... And work with some homework,” you gave him a final kiss and thankfully he did not pry.

The relationship you have with Mark was nothing like the friendship you used to have. The friendship was still there, of course, but friends don’t kiss your neck while you’re busy reading a book or slam you to the nearest wall and kiss you wildly. Friends don’t taste your favorite ice cream flavor through your tongue in the middle of a Netflix movie, and friends don’t get affected when they see you in your thin shirt and panties only whenever they give you a surprise visit.

“It’s the weekend, why are you here?” You whine as you try to go back to sleep. Clinging to your pillow and thick blanket but your boyfriend is currently losing his mind. Nonetheless, he remained a gentleman and covered your exposed leg and butt, covering you completely and keeping you warm. “Come to bed with me. Cuddle with me instead”

The young man’s eyes brightened and quickly joined you in bed. Swinging his arm around your waist from behind and nuzzling your neck to tickle you.

“I got into my dream college,” he whispered excitedly beside your ears which made you quickly turn to him and hug him.

“That’s why you’re here! Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realized” you planted kisses on his cheek the ones he loved receiving other than your slow and deep ones. “You used to talk about this ever since we were just kids. Ugh, I’m so proud of you”

“Promise to support me no matter what?” This time it’s him who went closer and planted kisses on your face. Of course you said yes, it has been his dream, but now that you knew you’ll miss him everyday and you know that the image of him walking away from you at the airport will truly hurt you, so you can’t help but fake it.

You rolled on top of him and his eyes immediately went big, wondering why and how are you like this. You have never been this bold and confident even in your wildest times, it’s like he’s seeing a totally different side of you and he loves it.

“Want to claim your early graduation gift?” you completely surprised him and started kissing his neck, while Mark is actually enjoying the moment by caressing your ass cheeks and teasing you by tugging your panties. You wish you have the same level of confidence with Mark, because you well know that between the two of you he is the one experienced with sexual activities, so now you try your best.

“Mmm” a loud pop surrounds your room as Mark sucks your nipples through your thin shirt. Taking turns with your left boob and right boob until your shirt is partly wet because of him and he can finally see your nipples. The sight of it gave him the feeling like no other. Of course this is not his first time seeing boobs, but this is different because it’s you.

The mere sight of your boobs just made him lose his mind and not to mention hard in no time. You watch him roll his head back while you slowly grind of top of him with a ruined shirt, looking so hot than ever so he quickly switched places with you. Putting you underneath him, looking down on you with hungry and lustful eyes.

“Do you wanna touch my boobs?” You asked him so innocently,reaching for his hand that’s placed on your waist. You put your hand and his hand inside your shirt, slowly lifting the wet shirt just above your chest to expose your boobs to him.

“I wish you were my first,” he said and immediately kissing your right boob while his hand kneads the other, pinching you or teasing you, or whatever he just wanted to hear something from you. And when he stopped making your nipples swollen, Mark just kept on kissing you softly and saying ‘i love yous’ over and over again. making you smile through his lips and soft touches, it is as if he’s taking away all your shyness and making you comfortable with the situation. The situation where your boobs are expose to him, your legs spread wide and Mark is in between your legs, grinding his clothed cock on your ruined and wet panties.

You were just kissing passionately but now you felt his hands hooked on your panties and the next thing you know he’s pulling it down without breaking the kiss until it reaches your thigh and eventually remove it but the shyness crept in again, making you close your legs and bite your lips in hesitation.

“Can I? Open your legs?” He asks, kissing your neck and calming you through the way he kisses you and touch you. And when he felt that you’re ready, he tried opening your legs again and this time you let him. Letting him place his body in between your legs, smiling through the kiss as if he’s telling you ‘good job’.

Mark spread kisses around your body, kissing every inch of your being, earning a giggle from you and with that he’s happy you’re not nervous anymore.

And when Mark pull away to discard his clothes, and release his cock, you were speechless when you saw it that you removed your own ruined shirt just to be fair ask him to get back in between your legs this instant.

“Lets do this right,” he said and immediately placed a finger on your wet slit that took your breath away. Up and down, you feel his finger nothing else, and when the moment comes and Mark put a finger in, your hand reached for his hand and tried to stop him because the pleasure was too much. But your handsome boyfriend was just smiling at you, smirking because you looked so ruined right now all you can do is smile back at him. And when he insert two fingers, he kissed you deeply and caught every moan you let out, every cry of his name, every groan, or whine.

And the next thing you know you’re closing your legs as you shiver and curl your body. Trying to get away from Mark because you’re sensitive already but your boyfriend is not stopping.

“First of many,” he says and stopped to pull out his fingers. But he is not yet done. He only gave you a few seconds to catch your breath and went back kneeling in between your legs again.

“Are you going to fuck me now?” you asked with ragged breaths and tired expression.

Mark did not answer you verbally, but he did physically. Licking your pussy juices and spreading your pussy lips while his eyes are completely locked on yours.

You said ‘no’, but you didn’t mean it and the moment his tongue swipes on your cunt you grabbed hold on your headboard and hold on for your dear life. Clenching and unclenching as Mark eats you out, trying so hard to close your legs but you can’t until your second orgasm drowned you quickly and all you can do is breathe in and out heavily.

“I hate you” you said but you’re clinging to Mark and sharing your warmth to him.

“I love you,” he said and intertwined his fingers with his, kissing your knuckles before he place both your hands above your head. You voluntarily spread your legs wider for him, and with his free hand he lines his cock finally.

“I didn’t know you’re big,”

What you said made him smirk and proved your discovery even more by pulling out entirely and slamming his cock back in your wet hole. “Now you know,” he said small grunts and went in deeper. He knew what he’s doing to you is too much pleasure because it’s your first time and also he can tell by the way you hold on to his hand.

“Planning to crush my hand?” he let out a cut giggle like he isn’t fucking you deep right now. How can he do that? Be insanely cute while doing something filthy to you.

“Y/n, I’m close can I go faster?” and you can only nod.

Fucking you faster and harder than earlier, you watch Mark become someone sinful when he started focusing on his own release, kissing your boobs while he fucks you, give your ass a tight squeeze, lick your neck like you’re a fucking ice cream and whisper dirty words or word that make you shy that you didn’t know you would love hearing. Like,

“Let me fuck you again,”

“You like it deep huh?”

“Y/n, you’re worth wait, you’re mine forever”

“This is the last pussy I’ll fuck,”

And in the end he pulled out and jerked in front of you, letting his cum fall on your lower abdomen and watch his cum drip to your sheets. It’s a shame that he can’t cum inside you, it would have felt great.

“Fucking shit- that sex was great,”

He rests his head on top of your boobs, but went back to kissing you again on the lips. Apologizing for his mess, aplogizing for his words and saying ‘i love you’ over and over again.

That morning, you stayed naked with Mark in bed for a few hours just talking and laughing, flirting and kissing. It felt great having a huge progress with your relationship, especially that it’s Mark who took your virginity.

“Hey, you okay?” he was talking about your pussy because even though he didn’t went hard earlier, he did fucked you a little bit harder knowing that it’s your first time. “I meant what I said earlier. Please be my last, I don’t want to give my love to anyone but you. It’s too early to talk about marriage but, I know it’s you. I’ll love you better each day, I promise”

Comfort, warmth and safety. That’s what you felt hearing those beautiful words from him that you became speechless and crashed your lips to him.

His promise was kept every day until you both finished high school together, enjoy the summer before he leaves and make unforgettable memories as many as you can.

But knowing that he’s going away to follow his dreams and fulfil his goals, Mark worried too much about long distance relationship and how it never worked.

“Are we really together now? I’m not dreaming right?”

Your sleep was disturbed when Mark called you in the middle of the night. Today, you taught him how to bake and had a couple of rounds during Netflix and chill, so to be honest you’re really exhausted and tired.

“Mark, we kiss, we date, we have sex almost everyday. Yes baby, we’re together for almost four months already. Now can we please go back to sleep-“

“Go down open your door. I’m outside”

And the moment you opened the door for him, you gave him a ‘shh’ sign, telling him that your parents are already asleep. You came closer to him for a kiss, and told him, “it’s real. I’m real. Can you please promise me to stop overthinking, you’re making me worry,”

He didn’t answer you but lowered his head. You knew he’s sorry and he’s just doing this for you,

“I love you, Mark. I’m yours forever,” you said and kissed him again. Deeply this time, to the point that it put you both in the mood and the next thing you know Mark is fucking you while he’s covering your mouth with his hand.

When Mark left you for college your relationship went downhill and you’re both getting hurt already. Fighting is part of the relationship, yes, but the fight you have with Mark almost everyday was becoming the reason why you want to distance yourself from him. You feel caged with how he love you, you feel like he’s strangling you with all these rules you need to follow to maintain trust in your relationship but nothing is working.

Until he finally realized what he’s doing to you.

So during his vacation, he visited you and you were so excited to the core that you welcomed him with a tight hug and the biggest smile. Only to find out that he wanted to break up.

But

“It’s just until we finish college. Let’s wait and do it right. I don’t want to fight for you while hurting you at the same time. Please understand. I’m not breaking up because I don’t love you. This time off will heal us both,”

The breakup did you no good. You were sad every day and to be honest you would rather want him to nag you than miss him like this and you can believe that between the two of you, he’s the one doing great in life. It makes you want to believe that he doesn’t love you anymore. Like the man you fell in love to, wasn’t there anymore.

“Still crazy about my stupid brother huh? Come here and help feed my fishes,”

His brother, Lee Taeyong, disturbed you and your ugly thoughts while you finish the drink their mom gave you during one of your visits.

“Well, college was good to you. I see you’re back and finally opening a bakeshop downtown” he hands you the fish food as you wait for him to talk and feed the fishes generously.

“I’m very much excited to open my bakery. Want to make cookies later instead of being broken hearted?”

And as days, weeks, and months pass by, not only Lee Taeyong making you forget about Mark, he also healed your heart and won it fair and square.

It started how he makes your heart flutter whenever he holds your hand while teaching you how to bake, how praises you and tell you that you look beautiful everyday, how he makes his kitchen your own little world during closing time and you’re sitting on the kitchen counter with Taeyong in between your legs and taking your breath away with a heated kiss.

When you and taeyong started dating, you experienced true love. You didn’t want to hurt Mark but what you have with Taeyong is real and you had to hide this from him for years and years and years, until you finally graduated in college.

And Tayong proposed to you. It was the only time you couldn’t hide your relationship from Mark anymore because Taeyong was the one who confessed to him.

*this is the part where you read the first part again JEJEHEH

[verymuchimmortalcat]

To Have Several first Meetings

Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Month Day 1: Meeting for the first time

ao3

@maribat-bdbwm

Marinette had known she was adopted since she had been twelve and had a project about genetics in school. Her parents had explained to her that her mother had given her up for adoption since she wasn’t in a situation to take care of her and didn’t think her father would be able to. Marinette’s mother had passed away soon after and while Tom and Sabine had her father’s information neither of them had ever contacted him. They left the option up to Marinette, and at the time she hadn’t cared, she had two loving parents and she was happy.

.oOo.

Marinette meets Batman for the first time when she’s 14. Wonder Woman had been in contact with them from the beginning of the hawkmoth situation, but after Heroes Day Batman insists on speaking to the them. As they enter the Watch Tower she can feel Cat Noir buzzing with excitement next to her. She’d laugh but she’s too nervous to do so.

Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are waiting for them. Marinette’s glad there aren’t more heroes around, Cat Noir looks like he might explode in excitement. They sit down at the table and Batman speaks first, “You need training.”

She’s well aware of that, but the way Batman says it irritates her, but she ignores it. She’s here because Diana asked, and because Batman is right about their lack of training.

Superman speaks up then, “We can help you with that. You can use Titans Tower for your training-”

“-And due to the nature of the threat you face, the two of you and the rest of your team is welcome there anytime.”

Marinette doesn’t point out that the rest of them are temporary heroes, it will probably alarm them more. She knows Cat Noir is probably jumping at the offer but she wants to know “why?”

Batman’s the one to speak, “if you’re going to protect Paris, then you’re going to need to be trained well.”

Marinette doesn’t know why Batman has a sudden vested interest in Paris’s safety but she’s going to go along with it. They do need the training and it will be nice to talk to more heroes their age.

“And the Justice League won’t interfere in Paris?”

“No.”

“None of them? You have a very large team and not all of them are here at the moment.”

“I will ensure everyone is informed.”

Marinette drops it, Batman sounds sincere.

.oOo.

Cat Noir and Ladybug make their first appearance in Titans tower that weekend. Cyborg and Nightwing are the ones waiting for them. They meet a lot of heroes. There’s Robin, Red Robin, Superboy, Wonder Girl, Kid flash, Solstice, Ravager, Beast Boy, Raven and apparently there are more of them usually but those are the ones she meets.

Civilian names are a whole another thing. Ladybug, Cat Noir and the Bats don’t share theirs but then there are the others. Cassie of course doesn’t have a secret identity. And Kon, Bart, Kiran, Rose and Gar don’t really mind telling another super hero. It’s a bit weird how forthcoming they are with their identities, Marinette’s had the no sharing identities rule hammered into her head for over a year now, and meeting the Teen Titans is making her question that rule.

As time passes and the miraculous team grows larger and the heroes become permanent, Titans Tower becomes steadily more occupied during weekends and training relaxes into hanging out.

They still train of course, the bats help with figuring out hawkmoth and Mayura’s identities, pretty much everyone helps with the actual fighting, and Raven helps with the more magical aspects. She meets pretty much all of the teenage superhero community over the course of a year. It’s pretty cool.

.oOo.

About a year after they start their training, they figure out Hawkmoth is Gabriel Agreste and Mayura’s Nathalie Sancouer. It’s not surprising but she knows they’re all worried how it’s going to affect Adrien, who as they learn is Cat Noir.

Marinette is fifteen when Hawkmoth’s reign over Paris ends.

Paris celebrates for days. But Marinette can’t bring herself to feel anything anymore. It’s not that she hasn’t been dealing with her emotions with the constant trips to the tower it’s just not letting herself feel anything in Paris becomes normal.

Her parents start to get worried and as much as she would love to calm down their fears she can’t. Luka, Juleka and Alya are the ones who join forces to convince her to reach out to her biological father.

When she gives in and asks her parents, they give her his contact information happily, assuming that’s what had been bothering her all this time. Marinette doesn’t correct them.

It takes Marinette a few weeks to call him but she does call him.

.oOo.

It turns out he already knew about her; he had just figured waiting until she was older was the better approach. Marinette wasn’t really sure what to make of that but he had invited her to his house in Gotham to spend a week getting to know him and the rest of his children.

Marinette accepts his offer happily. It would be nice to learn more about her father and his family (beyond what her research turned up with, Gotham reporters didn’t seem very sensible), and get out of Paris for a while.

.oOo.

Marinette is met by M. Pennyworth, who’s their butler, at the airport. Her parents had let her come on her own after M. Wayne had assured them that she would be safe. There had still been an unnecessarily large number of people to send her off at the airport, though.

Their ride to Wayne Manor is filled with a good amount of nervous rambling, from Marinette’s part. Alfred (he had insisted upon being called so) asks her about school and friends and Marinette goes on a lot of tangents as she talks about everyone in Paris.

There several people waiting at the entrance when they reach the Manor. If she wasn’t anxious about meeting her family, she would probably be more amazed at the beauty of the Manor and the surrounding grounds.

She waves awkwardly at them and says, “hi, I’m Marinette.”

The shortest boy among them, Damian she believes, turns away and walks back into the Manor. Her father turns as if to follow him but he’s stopped by the second tallest of her siblings, Marinette doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to the idea of siblings but she finds she quite likes it, “I’ll go check on Damian. Bye Marinette, see you around.”

She waves at him silently and all of them fall into silence, Alfred having left them. Would it be too late to turn away now?

There aren’t enough pictures of Bruce Wayne’s children on the internet, with the exception of Tim Wayne, for her to recognise all of them but she's pretty sure the one who finally breaks the silence is Jason Todd, returning from the dead created more than enough reading material for her research.

“I'm leaving. Nice to meet ya,” and then heads off. None of the others seem to think it’s strange, so she doesn’t dwell on it.

Mr. Wayne clears his throat and says, “we should probably head inside.”

“Truly one of your brighter ideas B,” Tim says and the other two laugh. They introduce themselves as Cass and Duke once they’re inside and Mr. Wayne tells her she can call him B or Bruce like the others do or whatever she’s comfortable with, Marinette nods in reply. And then she’s being dragged along to somewhere deep in the Manor by her new siblings and they’re talking about some kind of prank war that they’re apparently in the middle of.

Marinette grins. This is bound to be interesting.

[dreamiesdotcom]

tw: even the writer doesn't understand what the characters are thinking in this story

[12:53a.m] It had to be fate that Jeno met you at all. He wasn't searching, no, and he believed no such thing as soulmates existed. Forever was not real.

He could see it with the couples of the internet. He could see it in the sparkle in his friend's eyes as their own relationships blossom, and how that spark dies down each and everyday. Could see it in the way his parents shared vows and lived by it and still ended up in divorce.

He could see it in the little things, in the way he swore he'd never get tired of poetry but the saccharine words soon grew sickly sweet on his tongue. Could see it in the way the music he swore to love forever brought a certain feeling of unsatisfying routine; he plays it because he always plays it at this time, 8:30 p.m, right before he starts looking out the empty town he grew up in, not because he wants to.

But when he first saw you, innocent and spring-like and laughing like a deity, blowing bubbles as you run around in circles, soles of your feet being tickled by grass, he thinks he might just not care. Everything in his life so far has proved him that forever was not real. However, these innocent fleeting first love mirage you cast onto him with each smile, it makes him say things: he says he doesn't care. He says it doesn't have to be real.

He says screw all facts and reasoning, he wants it to be. Even if it's not, he'd choose to be stupid and believe blindly.

"Stay," he remembers himself, much younger and uncertain about what he truly wants to do with life, mumbling. "Stay forever."

But he knew.

"Yeah? That's a real long time, Lee." You say, but despite that you had smiled sweetly, "I, I mean... I wouldn't mind though. I would spend it with you, gladly."

He knew. He knows what he's doing.

And now, years later, he knew exactly what he did, too. He knew exactly what he did but when he comes home to you, twirling in the living room and humming to yourself, he smiles and leans at the door frame and watched you fondly anyway.

As long as he comes back to you, right? As long as you were waiting for him at home. This was what loyalty truly meant, right, straying but knowing where to come back anyway?

And you knew exactly what he did. You knew and it showed in the empty look in your eyes as you sang along to your favorite song, in the way you wore your gorgeous smile and looked beautiful but didn't shine. You knew and it dripped like honey from your lips when you played you didn't and said your usual 'welcome home, my love, I was waiting for you. Was tonight fun?'

It was fun.

Alcohol ran in his veins and his head buzzed pleasantly. His friends, mainly Jaemin, were begging him to stop drinking. He laughed it off. They didn't stop stopping him, when he was reaching for another shot and when he was talking to another girl.

He was curious as to what the new drinks tasted, at what other girls sounded. Curiosity birthed greed. He wants more. More answers. He wants to find out what they'd sound like when he drinks the intoxicating liquid from their lips.

He gives in.

It wasn't.

"I wish I just stayed home with you, though, but the boys were persistent," he smirks. He walks towards you, hazed look in his eyes. "Shall I make a proposition in hopes of making it up to my princess?"

"I am listening."

"Then, may I dance to this song with the princess?"

You giggled as you took his hand, ignoring the bile rising from your throat at the thought of where those hands probably were, what they were busy with, because they sure as hell weren't keeping to themselves. You masked it pretty well. You were a convincing actor.

No, rather, a pretty liar.

When he holds your waist, it's in a way so delicate like he always does; you ignore the scent of liquor and rather sweet perfume, not the one he wore. You entwined your hands as you hold them above his nape, smiling dazingly. He swears he sees moonlight shine through your expression.

"Will this be enough, my lovely?"

"Hm."

"I see. You're a bit greedy tonight, aren't you?"

"Mhm. Love you."

"Of course you do. I love you too."

You sway and whisper sweet nothings to each other, not stopping even until the endless loop of your song begins to sound like screeching of tires. When you fall into the couch because your feet can no longer handle spinning in circles, he holds onto your waist tighter and rests on the crook of your neck.

"Stay, moonlight," he rasps. "Stay forever."

Jeno smiles at you one more starlit grin, before giving in to sleep like he does to most things easily. It was fucked up, how innocent he looked. You wanted to kiss his forehead and confess to him one more time before running your touch down his cheeks until they're framing his neck, and clamp down until he couldn't breathe. You want to strangle him softly, sweetly, so he doesn't fucking make mistakes anymore.

It would be helping him, wouldn't it? You're just keeping him from sinning more. Isn't this what love is? Doing everything so neither spiral into the path of evil?

You opt to softly run your fingers through his locks instead. His phone lights up, and you wonder if it's one of his girls, poor things he sees nothing more than dirty little... oh, that word. It disgusts you to the core.

Turning to your own phone, you cut off the soft tune of your love songs, in favor of the haunting instrumental you'd hope to hear when success comes and you're colored red everywhere except inside. Then, you notice Jaemin's messages, a soft smile on your face.

What a wonderful boy he is.

Too bad, you didn't fucking care.

He was the one who opened that door to your once pure boyfriend, after all.

###

(Jaemin ᕱ⑅ᕱ

08:12p.m: hey y/n! thanks for letting jen tag along

08:12p.m: i mean you never did stop him, but i just wanna tell you how happy i am

08:12p.m: thanks for trusting us! i'll look out for him!

08:15p.m: of course we'll be careful, hahaha

08:16p.m: you never ask for it, but I'll update you~ have fun, alright? whatever it is you'll be up to

12:04a.m: y/n

12:04a.m: [image]

12:04a.m: i don't know how to say this, or if there was any right way to, so i'll do it while i still have a little courage. i felt it would be right to tell you... you decide what you do from here on.

12:09a.m: i'm sorry)

[heli0s-writes]

lights up*

A/N: Stucky (primarily Steve)/Reader. 2k words of idkwhatthisisi’msorry. There was a prompt from six months ago that I wrote this for but I lost the message and I can’t remember! All mistakes are my own, please stop reading if you are not 18+

brooklyn after dark masterlist

You wake up in scattered shock.

Knee-jerk reaction to fast hands sliding between your thighs, fingers carelessly ticking sensitive skin.

You wake up to a groggy voice, slurred with sleep and raspy-raw.

“Baby,” it croaks from between your legs, “Honey, sweetheart, sugar. Please, please, please let me eat your pussy.”

Wha—

A few disbelieving blinks as you scrabble for your bearings—can’t see shit—still dark—head throbbing.

“Oh god, I wanna sosososo bad,” and then hands are between your knees, spreading your legs apart. “So… damn... tasty. Uh-huh… Come to daddy.”

Who the fuck is—damn it, Bucky.

In the dead hour of four-something when nothing should be moving so intentionally, an unsteady moan tumbles out of him when he starts groping for your ass.

“Buck!” You whisper, kicking your leg to shake him off. Grabbing the covers with one hand, you reach under with the other, swatting his head and trying to get a firm hold on him. Slippery fucking man.

He pauses for a second before his body goes limp, half hanging off the foot of the bed and you groan at his weight. Idiot boy. Two hundred pounds of horny somnambulist dropping like an anchor on your poor legs.

Fiddling now with how to get him back up to his regular spot, you try to do it quietly, the warmth radiating next to your left shoulder a compelling incentive. Even with your wits barely about you, you know better than to wake—

“Whassit? Whas goin’ on?”

Steve. Ah.

“Nothing,” you sigh, reaching over and stroking his arm absently, one foot tapping against Bucky’s waist to urge him upward. “He’s just sleep-talking again.”

Steve makes a groggy noise of comprehension. “Sleep-talking or sleep-fucking?”

“Just sleeping now. Ugh… didn’t mean to wake you.”

He’d come in late again—meetings and paperwork keeping him well after hours. Not even able to do it from home, which would have been nice. At least here you could make sure he was eating, or drinking enough water, or at least be in the presence of good company.

Instead, you and Buck watched a movie, took a few rounds of shots (because he likes the taste and how you look dancing all over the coffee table), fooled around in the kitchen, and turned in around two—Steve nowhere in sight. Some jobs were Captain-Only, which meant you’d have to make peace with being useless.

That’s generally not a task that goes over well. The amount of untamed energy Bucky exudes without Steve’s guidance is… close to being categorized as a natural disaster and trying to stay up with him is always a double-edged sword. Lots of fun, sure, but he requires less sleep than you do and can finagle you into getting piss drunk with a single smirk.  

“Wish you’d been more responsible.” Bone-tired and Steve’s still bossy. His arm is heavy as it snakes over your tummy. “You know he needs direction.”

“Hey, I tried.”

“Issat right? That why your panties’re on the counter? Shirt in the sink, too. Come home close to four and still gotta clean up after the two of you.”

His raspy breath tickles, plump lips crushed just below your ear—enough to start a chain reaction of shudders.

“Go back to sleep,” you huff, embarrassed. It was only a few hours ago so your head’s still a bit fuzzy—vague memory of playful touches before hearing, hop up, baby, from Bucky. And you, tittering and zealous the whole way, kissing him like he’d never been kissed before.

YouTube blinking on the T.V., stuck on some ad because the streaming’s a snail’s pace from when Steve set up the internet and tried to pinch pennies at the same time. Bucky’s specially crafted “Wine, Dine, and Sixty-Nine” playlist refusing to load even half a song afterwards so neither of you could spare your neighbors from hearing all the noises.

Hopefully the laughter was loudest, and not the primal fucking, or the crashing when you slipped off the counter and knocked Bucky on his ass.  

You giggle at that. Years and years together and some nights still feel brand new.

“Have fun without me?”

There’s no real jealousy in Steve’s voice, but there is greed behind the question. A single night away and he acts like he’s never been kissed either.

Your eyes start fluttering when his fingers curl around your hipbone. Je-sus. Hell. It’s too late—early—for this.

You grumble his name, asking him to save it for a couple more hours when your brain doesn’t feel pried free, but, Captain-Only mode activated and he’s not deterred. A bloodhound on a fresh trail.

The hand on your hip turns inward and you’re suddenly aware of him pressed against your body, that hot line of him, pulsing on your upper thigh. He tilts forward, one knee rubbing up your leg. Bucky stirs a little and makes another declaration about how he’s fit for the CEO position of Eating Your Ass, but nothing more after that.

“He do you good?” Steve wonders, apparently not giving a fuck about whether Bucky’s dead or alive down there and instead only worried about repositioning you, rolling you on your side, “That why you’re so happy to get me out of the house? So you two can fool around unchecked as much as you want?”

“Steve, you know damn well—"

His hand slips around the side of your neck, four thick fingers drumming over the ridges of your throat. “Watch your mouth,” he whispers, “before you get yourself into any more trouble.”

He gets mean without enough sleep. And no one would ever guess, but other than working over some poor punching bag that’ll never see the light of day after he gets his hands on it, Captain America likes to fuck it out. You and Buck have properly come out of a few sessions barely alive, feeling like two ends of a slinky that’s taken one too many tumbles down a flight of stairs.

You squirm as he palms your bottom with his free hand, kneading the bare flesh a flimsy pair of sleeping shorts can’t cover.

“Gotta be quiet,” he tells you gently, “Can’t wake him, can we.” Christ help you. What a time to play a game. You mumble under your breath, “Do I have a choice?”

A prod at your already sore entrance, and Steve says, annoyingly convinced, “I think you’ve already made your choice.”

He stills for a second when Bucky flops around on the mattress and then he starts pressing his mouth to your back, your shoulder, other hand holding you steady with expertise. It’s Steve’s favorite position when he wants to be in charge—you, writhing and turned away, usually leaned about 50 degrees and pawing at Bucky’s chest—this morning, feebly snatching sheets instead.

It doesn’t take any buildup. He’s achingly ready; you’re willingly wet. Clothes moved just enough out of the way and his two fingers slide upward, pushing barely to spread you before he quickly replaces it with something much thicker. It’s only been a few seconds. He’s too fast for you to get a word in edgewise, your brain still muddled, body cooperative.

“Huh,” Steve mumbles, slowly feeling his way into position, “A bit fucked loose, aren’t you?”

“Steve,” you hiss in reply, clenching up reflexively the same time mortification bursts across your scrunched- up face. “Don’t say that.”

“Hush, baby.”

“I’m trying—”

“Try harder.” And he’s evil incarnate, you swear. Satan himself packaged up in the neat body of a demigod. He rolls his hips slowly until the tops of his thighs are pressed against your ass, fingers holding so tight you think he’s going to spear right into bone. “Stay still or you’re gonna knee Buck in the cheek.”

You twist your head around, instead, shaking your chin free from his hand, hoping that once he sees your pitiful expression, he’ll find it in his heart to maybe not pound you into oblivion with bells on.

Of course, Steve’s not looking anywhere but down the line of your back and further to where he’s opening you up, bottom lip tucked into his teeth.

You constantly rib him about how he’s making up for all the years he spent with the two working eyes of a mole so now he’ll break his neck to watch. Bucky’s confirmed it multiple times to Steve’s chagrin, cackling at the way Steve goes purple defending himself. You love the stories they tell and retell; you try to spend most your time making up for all those years you weren’t there to find out.

Who isn’t in this relationship? Violently horny like teenagers, the three of you, spending every idle hour mishandling for each other like it’s the first time. Excitement primeval like animals in heat, apparently instinctual enough for one of you to do it in his sleep. Years and years and it still feels brand new.

The bed’s rocking surprisingly moderately for Steve’s usual pace, and it’s a bit heartwarming to know that he’s doing it because he really doesn’t want to wake Bucky, but he ramps up his game. He starts whispering again, meaner, hotter, the damn mouth on Steve Rogers continuing to give you hell this early morning.

He pinches your nipple hard, letting you gasp at the brief sting before he goes back up to your chin, your mouth, and then he puts the entire hand over it.

“Quiet. Not another fucking word out of you. Gotta teach you how to behave this morning, don’t I?” He’s working himself up, working you over, even pulling you back on him by the hips and then wiggling you up and down on him like he’s adjusting you on a saddle. Motherfucker.

Your toes curl, knees grinding, legs folding up to get simultaneously closer and away from him and it feels—it feels so excruciatingly good—the effortless glide of his cock, the burn of friction dragging itself out the more you wriggle. Whatever indelicate sounds falling out of your mouth are getting mashed back in, Steve ramming himself into your body, shaking your brain further loose.

He’s probably louder than he intends to be—you know how he gets when he’s close— bombs could be dropping two feet away and Steve Rogers would hear nothing but the roar of his own wanting, chasing it until he crashes into bits. You’re chasing too, both hands clamped around his wrist, arching your back to near breaking.

“Yeah,” he rasps out, “That’s it, that’s good, baby. Ugnn—back up on me, stay—right there.”

More uneven jerking, he releases your face and starts rubbing your clit, saying, you like it like this? Like me givin’ it to you good like this? And you’re shaking in his arms, the both of you tipping over the edge.

-

“I wasn’t serious,” Steve says later after a few moments, lips all soft and gentle on your neck, rather than fierce like before, “Bout you bein’—” you can feel him shrugging, “Y’know… fucked loose.” He whispers the last part like it’s a sin.

You snort, “You turning decent on me? After railing me to death?”

“You sound pretty lively to me.” He pokes your side, “I just… woke up and remembered how much I missed you last night.”

“I’m not going anywhere. You’ve got both of us here—shit!”

“Steeeeeve,” and the sound of it slaps both you back to reality. Sleep-smashed, more tipsy than any alcohol could make him, Bucky’s giggles break the steady pattern of muffled conversation. His vibranium hand pats around for a new destination, undeterred by the disruption of his previous mission.

You can’t believe it. He’s still asleep.

“Steeeevie,” Bucky mewls again, “Lemme— lemme suck your dick, sweetheart.”

What a menace. Your shoulders start quivering as you poorly hold it back, pfffftppblffpt’s kickstarting Steve into a tizzy right alongside you.

Bursting laughter finally wakes him up. Bucky yelps once, twice, flailing like a cat caught unawares and rolls himself right off the goddamn bed.

Two hundred pounds of newly conscious pervert wallops the hardwood floor and you’re sure the entire apartment complex—if they didn’t hear the ruckus last night—certainly heard it this morning.