#and however it expands on this inner world!!!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Normally I would keep this in a tag post or not post at all but I know no one’s s around so fuck it:

I’ve been thinking a lot about folklore/evermore and even Lover in recent days and about how so much of it sounded like a promise of the future: I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover, I’d marry you with paper rings, church bells ring carry me home rice in the ground looks like snow, I want to teach you how forever feels, one single thread of gold tied me to you, I’d swing with you for the fences sit with you in the trenches give you my wild give you a child (really all of peace), I’m begging for you to take my hand wreck my plans, now I just keep you warm and my waves meet your shore ever and evermore and he feels like home, etc.

And in retrospect with what we know from later music and events, instead of a promise of the future, it was more an aspiration of it. It’s less, “this is where we’re heading” and by Renegade is more, “this is how good we could have it if you’d just let us.” Which is sad because it’s clearly something Taylor (or the narrator) thinks is worthwhile and comforting, but then by the time we get to Midnights, or at least You're Losing Me (and arguably Lavender Haze), it’s become a point of pain instead of hope. Yet it’s fascinating when taken as a whole and seeing how the themes connect to, play off of and contradict each other throughout her growing discography. (I don’t mean contradict as in, she said she wanted to get married and now she doesn’t! Because that’s not what she’s saying in LH anyway! But as in the push-pull of “this is what I dream of our future” and “this is how our actions make those dreams slip away”)

It’s kind of hard to grapple with this sometimes because I generally don’t try to make music about the artist’s literal life, even with a diaristic writer like Taylor, because once the music is out there it stands on its own, but it is impossible to ignore the real life element especially in the last year, and I think this is one of those rare cases where it even adds to the understanding and the development of the themes. (Truly the Taylor Cinematic Universe) As much as I’m personally terrified of aging and would never wish to speed up the process lol, it’s going to be fascinating to see how this music is studied decades from now when there are even more links to be made in hindsight with more art in her catalogue to come.

Anyway tl;dr: it’s sad to think that what felt so joyful and hopeful earlier almost became like convincing herself (and the subject of her songs ahem) that this was what their future held in contrast of a much less certain everyday life as time went on. Here’s hoping the next phase is decidedly clearer whatever it is.

[mammonscheeks]

pact mark locations - obey me brothers

✎ a/n: here's where my mc would have demon pact marks/my take on where mc's demon pact marks are!

✎ warnings: canon-level suggestiveness, implies that the brothers have control over where their mark goes on mc

requesting rules | obey me masterlist

LUCIFER'S pact mark would be over your heart. it's mostly hidden, showing lucifer's reserved attitude. however, it's so big that it stretches to your collarbone. the edge of his pact mark is visible to the public, a subtle sign of lucifer's possessiveness. even though a demon pact technically gives you control over him, lucifer knows and shows that you belong to him, and he will forever have control of your heart.

MAMMON'S pact mark lies on the backside of your neck, almost curling around it like a shield. every inch of his pact mark is displayed to the world, as if possessively warning others away from his human. mammon loves nothing more than to brag about how he was your first man, so he sulks if you wear a turtleneck or scarf, which covers up his sign. mammon's mark location emphasizes his vow to protect you, as the back of the neck is a delicate and vulnerable area for humans.

LEVIATHAN'S pact mark is on the inside of your left wrist, and is about the size of a strawberry. he's not confident enough to mark an exposed part of your body. when you game with him, he often gets distracted because your inner wrist is visible when holding the controller. he relishes the sight of your mark on him while the two of you are doing something you love (gaming) alone. in his opinion, his mark being semi-hidden on you makes it more special when he happens to catch a glimpse of it. seeing it unexpectedly revitalizes the strong bond that he has with you; his henry. leviathan knows that if anyone else is able to see his mark on you, that means they're too close.

SATAN'S pact mark lies on your right ribs, slightly angled to the back where your lungs are. you barreling into his life was like a breath of fresh air. for once, he felt his rapid waves of wrath slow down enough to where he felt at peace. his pact mark on you represents his desire to protect and care for you, such as how the ribs protect the lungs, which sustain life, but this location also demonstrates his vow to encourage you to continue expanding into your true self, just as you helped him understand that he was allowed to be his own person.

ASMODEUS'S pact mark is in the location of a tramp stamp, no questions asked. it sits on your lower back above your ass. this represents his playful and flirty nature and its importance in the bond the two of you have formed through lighthearted things like gossiping, nail art, and trashy reality tv. asmodeus, being around for centuries of human fashion trends, knows that a tramp stamp is controversial. he wants you to be loud and unapologetic for your attractiveness and presence, in everything that you do, instead of thinking of others opinions. it's also in an intimate spot for obvious reasons.

BEELZEBUB'S pact mark is unsurprisingly on your stomach. this represents his vow to always make you feel content and satisfied with life. innately he is a gentle helper, always sticking up for his brothers and trying to solve conflicts. he wants you to know that he would do the same for you without hesitation. hunger is a feeling of discomfort, and by putting his pact mark on your stomach, beelzebub wants to remind you that anytime you feel any sort of discomfort (not just hunger) you should reach out to him for comfort.

BELPHEGOR'S pact mark is on the left side of your mid-back, near your spinal cord. the nervous system rules over sleep, after all. when you lay down to rest and your pact mark touches the bed, belphegor wants you to know that he is watching over you, as sleeping is a vulnerable state for a human to be in. whether you're turned over on your side or sleep on your stomach, belphegor's pact mark will reside protectively in the middle of your body. the mid-back aims to evenly disperse weight throughout the body to lessen the strain on human energy. belphie knows that he was a source of stress for you when you first came to the devildom. he will do anything to lessen the weight you carry from his previous actions.

[haunted-xander]

Since people seem to really like my vision requirements illustrations, I figured I could elaborate on my theories/headcanons!

(EDIT: Since people keep mentioning it in the tags of the illust. post, so just to be clear, I am well aware Archons don't hand out visions personally😅 it IS however heavily implied they have a subconcious effect on who gets one, even if they have no active say. It's why no electro visions where granted during Inazumas vision hunt decree, for example)

Anemo: Purpose.

Anemo users have been unsure or hesitant about how to live their lives or what to do at some point, but all ended up finding something to strive for. Venti found purpose in rebuilding Mondstadt after Decarabian fell, to make the nation a place that the nameless bard would've loved to live in.

Jean found purpose as the Dandelion Knight, Xiao found purpose in serving Morax, Wanderer found purpose in freedom etc. Everyone has something they find fullfilment in.

Geo: Determination.

Geo users have a set path and/or ideal they live by, something they will not budge on no matter what. Zhongli is solid on his contracts, the written word is law and cannot be allowed to go broken, regardless of circumstances. His path is one of mutual agreement and fairness, to ensure everyone and everything gets their due.

Ningguang walks the path of Liyue's pillar, Noelle walks the path of self-improvement, Itto walk the path of acceptance etc. They are determined in their ways and will not bend them.

Electro: Protection.

Electro users all have something/someone they hold dear, and will do anything to ensure it's safety and longevity. Ei loved her sister more than anything else, and would've done anything to keep her safe and alive. Her actions in Inazuma was her terribly misguided way of "protecting" it from erosion, to keep the nation her sister loved so much in prosperity in her place.

Sara wants to protect her people, Keqing wants to protect Liyue's prosperity, Fischl wants to protect her imagination and fantasies etc. They hold things close to their heart and will do anything to protect it.

Dendro: Understanding.

Dendro users are seekers of knowledge and wisdom, wishing to understand the world around them and all that lives in it. Nahida wants to understand people, for wisdom means nothing when it can't be put to practice. People aren't something that can easily be comprehended by textbook knowledge, they must be observed extensively first-hand to even begin to understand.

Baizhu wants to understand the secrets of immortality, Kirara wants to understand human society, Collei wants to understand how to help others etc. They earnestly search for ways to expand their world.

Hydro: Duty.

Hydro users tend to have a strong sense of responsibility and personal principles they live by. We don't know enough about Furina to say for sure what her deal is right now, but I speculate her duty is closely connected to the Heavenly Principles, and that she views herself as Celestia's "executioner" so to speak.

Ayato's duty is to the yashiro commision, Candace's duty is to the desert-dwellers, Childe's duty is to the Tsaritsa etc. They have solid loyalties and set principles they work by.

Pyro: Passion.

Pyro users are full of love and passion for what they do, dedicating themselves whole-heartedly to their chosen field. We know very little about Murata, so it's hard to say what she's like. As the God of War I assume she has a passion for battle? Who knows.

Yoimiya is passionate about fireworks, Bennett is passionate about adventuring, Diluc is passionate about defending Mondstadt etc. They have a profound love of life and what is in it.

Cryo: Contradiction.

Cryo users are at odds with themselves, rife with inner conflicts and clashing desires. The Tsaritsa is described as an archon with no love for her people, and has been noted to have grown cold post-cataclysm. Her harbingers, most notably Childe, say otherwise, though. She's not unloving, but she is disillusioned and vengeful. Her hatred for Teyvat and Celestia is at odds with her love of her people.

Rosaria is conflicted with her lifestyle(s), Ayaka is conflicted with her status and wants, Kaeya is conflicted with his loyalties etc. They are torn by irreconcilable opposites.

[ezukll]

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀『 𝗦𝗨𝗡 𝗜𝗡 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗦 』

⭑ 𝟭𝗦𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 1st House reflects your core identity and sense of self as a bright light that shines strongly. You may have a natural draw to the spotlight and may feel a strong sense of individuality and personal autonomy. You may be confident and charismatic, able to capture the attention of others with your vibrant presence. At the same time, this placement can indicate a tendency to feel self-conscious or worried about others’ opinions of you. With your Light shining brightly, you become more visible and more aware of how others might see you.

⭑ 𝟮𝗡𝗗 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 2nd House shows your core identity as one that is grounded and focused on your physical needs and desires. You might be more practical and down-to-earth in nature, with an emphasis on material possessions, finances, and resources. You may be more grounded in your decisions and have a greater desire for stability, comfort, and security in life. You may have a strong work ethic and a practical approach to your goals and achievements. However, you may also need to find a balance between practicality and expressing yourself creatively.

⭑ 𝟯𝗥𝗗 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 3rd House reflects your core identity as one that is imaginative, sociable, and forward-looking. You may be talkative, creative, and friendly, with an interest in exploring new things and expanding your horizons. You may be eager to communicate your ideas and thoughts with others, and you may have a natural talent for connecting with others and expressing yourself. At the same time, you may also tend to be a bit overactive, restless, and overly excited. The third house is linked to communication and interactions, so you may find comfort in these connections.

⭑ 𝟰𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 4th House reflects your core identity as one that is family oriented and focused on the home and inner self. You may feel most comfortable and secure in your home or inner world. You may have strong emotional ties to your family, and your sense of self may revolve around family values, tradition, and your place within your family. At the same time, you may feel limited by your family and their perspectives, wanting to break free and express yourself independently. You may also desire privacy and security, valuing your personal space and inner world.

⭑ 𝟱𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 5th House reflects your core identity as one that is lively and colorful. You may have an energetic, artistic, and exciting personality, with a zest for enjoying life and exploring new experiences. You may have a playful and creative side to you, and you may enjoy expressing yourself through art, music, storytelling, or other creative pursuits. You may see the world as a playground for you to explore and enjoy. At the same time, you may have issues with self-expression, wanting to be unique or different from others. You may also struggle with impulsivity and impulsive decisions.

⭑ 𝟲𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 6th House reflects your core identity as one focused on service and the practical aspects of life. You may be the type to seek out practical tasks and to gain satisfaction from working hard and doing things right. You may have a responsible and committed attitude, focusing on serving others or supporting the people around you. You may find comfort in having a routine and stable work environment or household, and you may feel a sense of duty in serving others. However, you might also have a tendency to over-work and neglect your own needs, leading to exhaustion and burnout.

⭑ 𝟳𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 7th House reflects your core identity as centered on relationships and social harmony. You may value partnerships, cooperation, and compromise, preferring to work in harmony with others. You may be open and honest in your interactions, and you may have an instinct to meet other people's needs. You may have a desire for harmony and balance, which can lead you to compromise your own needs or make sacrifices for the sake of maintaining relationships. At the same time, you may lack assertiveness and independence. Your sense of identity may be heavily connected to those close to you.

⭑ 𝟴𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 8th House can reflect your core identity as centered on a deep desire to connect with the unknown, the taboo, and the hidden aspects of life. You may have a strong interest in exploring deeper, more intense, or darker subjects and situations. You may also be drawn to people or things with a certain mystery or intrigue about them. You may feel a deep connection to the world of feelings and emotions, having a tendency to sense the energies and undercurrents that exist beneath the surface. To you, the world may be a fascinating and mysterious place.

⭑ 𝟵𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 9th House reflects your core identity centered on a search for knowledge and a desire for expansion, adventure, and exploration. You may have a curiosity that leads you to explore new ideas and perspectives, wanting to learn more about the outer world and different cultures. You may feel eager to step out of your comfort zone and discover new experiences. You likely value education and the pursuit of wisdom. You have a desire to broaden your horizons, explore new ideas, and understand different perspectives. You may have a tendency to take on a more philosophical approach to life.

⭑ 𝟭𝟬𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 10th House points to your core identity being centered in your role and status in society. You are likely to find satisfaction in achieving success, status, and recognition for your abilities and contributions. You may have a strong sense of duty and responsibility towards the world, and you may enjoy taking on leadership or authoritative roles. At the same time, you may also place a lot of expectations on yourself to perform and succeed. You may need a strong balance of responsibility and self-care, as you may struggle with burnout and overexertion.

⭑ 𝟭𝟭𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 11th House shows that your core identity is centered around a strong sense of community and friendship. You likely have a deep desire for connection and belonging in a group, and you may value group dynamics and the strength of the group over individual success. You may be open and empathetic towards others, and you may enjoy being a part of something bigger than yourself. You may also have a tendency to sacrifice or compromise your needs for the sake of the group. You may need to find balance between your group identity and your own independence.

⭑ 𝟭𝟮𝗧𝗛 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘

Having Sun in the 12th House may reflect your core identity as someone centered on a deep internal spiritual journey. You may have a strong intuitive understanding of yourself and your connection to a higher power or the universe. Your identity may be strongly connected to the spiritual world and a sense of a higher purpose. You may have spiritual or mystical experiences that provide you with guidance and insight. At the same time, you may struggle with expressing yourself to others or feel misunderstood. You may have deep insights and knowledge while at the same time feeling isolated and unheard.

[juyendraws]

[Limbus Company] Faust’s Development (or Lack Thereof) in Intervallo 6.5

So Murder on the WARP Express came out and uh… The suspicions I had regarding Faust’s future arc ended up being confirmed. Faust is definitely not reaching out to the truth. I didn't expect the seeds for her story to be planted so soon, but here we are. It’s real. And you're probably thinking, “Uh… WTF are you talking about?” Let me explain to you what I mean.

The message of Library of Ruina is a critical part to understanding what's going on in Limbus Company. I will tell you straight-up here and now, absolutely nobody in the fanbase knows what the hell LoR is actually about. Nobody. And it is such a shame, because it has such a great message that absolutely nobody talks about. I'd love to tell you much more about it, but that involves long explications on Jungian Psychology, the Jewish Kabbalistic Tree of Life, and the story itself, which I don't wanna subject you to yet (I am saving my esoteric lore dumping for the video scripts I’m currently working on). What I will tell you, however, is that the lessons learned by Angela and Roland in LoR are all about opening oneself to everything that is possible in life. The ways in which they do this are:

(1) To listen to one's inner world, or intuition. Don’t just blindly believe whatever someone else says. Follow your own inner voice. 

(2) To listen to one's outer world, or reason. Don't just believe whatever you want to believe. Look at the facts and be receptive to others' opinions. 

That's all you need to know for now about this particular subject. The theme of opening oneself to infinite possibilities is one that carries over from LoR to Limbus Company, and it is present in every Sinners' story. Literally all of them were/are limiting themselves in one way or another due to their flawed beliefs. And each of them is on their own journey of self-realization, or in Jungian terms, “individuation.”

The Mirror Worlds also expand on this theme. They provide infinite ways of looking at the same subject, which sounds wondrous and exciting at first, but it really just reflects what's already there. Remember Yi Sang's and Heathcliff's arcs? For Yi Sang, the Mirror reflected his already-existing potential, while for Heathcliff, the Mirror reflected his surrender to a perceived fate. Mirror World Identities may offer additional combat prowess as well as insight into the characters/worldbuilding, but they end up being quite limiting due to their usage (basically “cheating”) and very nature (as "reflections"). 

Moreover, Goethe's Faust was something that repeatedly showed up in my research on Jungian Psychology. I kept finding Faust's story referenced in articles, academic journals, as well as the book I'm currently reading called Man and His Symbols. This book was written by Carl G. Jung and some of his most trusted followers, and it legitimately explains what Project Moon's mindset was while forming the world and stories of their games (I am not even exaggerating. I have to constantly pause my audiobook and write down notes on what I'd just read because it keeps indirectly revealing PM’s intentions for the series). Anyway, in one of Joseph L. Henderson's chapters named “Heroes and Hero Makers,” he talks about how the archetype of the hero cycle is represented in many stories. An aspect of this archetype essentially revolves around the “hero vs. villain,” or in Jungian terms, the “ego vs. shadow.” The hero must face off against the dragon and triumph. It’s about the development of consciousness through the "ego" (awareness that one exists and has an identity) mastering and assimilating the "shadow" (the parts about ourselves we don’t like or don’t acknowledge deep down). This archetype exemplifies the stage that’s supposed to take place during childhood and adolescence—it’s about growing up. If the hero fails to slay the dragon, i.e. a person fails to assimilate their shadow into their psyche, they become stuck in this state of immaturity. Henderson uses Faust as an example:

“One can see this theme, incidentally, in a well-known literary hero figure—Goethe’s character of Faust. In accepting the wager of Mephistopheles, Faust put himself in the power of a “shadow” figure that Goethe describes as “part of that power which, willing evil, finds the good.” Like the man whose dream I have been discussing, Faust had failed to live out to the full an important part of his early life. He was, accordingly, an unreal or incomplete person who lost himself in a fruitless quest for metaphysical goals that failed to materialize. He was still unwilling to accept life’s challenge to live both the good and the bad” (Man and His Symbols, page 121). 

Henderson is saying that Faust is reluctant to face life’s hardships, so he lets his unconscious aspects—his shadow, or Mephistophiles—control what he does because it’s easier for him to live that way. And as a result, he remains this underdeveloped, immature person. 

In Limbus, Faust’s shadow is Mephistophiles, the reflection of her inner pride and desire to learn more. The knowledge she gains from the bus, her ability to communicate with her IDs, is incapacitating her ability to develop as a person. She’s using it as a crutch. And her overreliance on this knowledge, ironically, reveals how truly ignorant she is. The literal shadow cast in Faust’s E.G.O is her IDs for these very reasons—she is afraid of not knowing what to do.

Anyway, the reason I brought up LoR’s message and the Mirror Worlds earlier is because it is very, VERY relevant to Faust’s arc. Each of the Sinners need to reach out to all the possibilities of life. To not just blindly follow their own beliefs or the beliefs of others, but to see the truth through their own eyes, unclouded by bias. Through her use of the Mirror Worlds, Faust goes, “Well, I’m already reaching out to all possibilities! I’m following my intuition and using reason!” And she technically is, but it’s paradoxical. She is using intuition and reason… But it’s all through the use of her IDs, which are both “herself” and “not herself” at the same time. So she’s still just blindly following her own beliefs and the beliefs of others; she’s only listening to her own opinions and copying down what others say to her, all at the same time. 

I noticed this while rereading key parts of the game again. In Episode 6-25, the Sinners discover the researchers’ experiments below Wuthering Heights. Faust was utterly oblivious as to what their goals were, and Dante commented on how odd her behavior was when she finally started talking.

Later in Episode 6-44, she urges them to find out who informed Erlking Heathcliff about the Mirror Worlds, causing them to pick up on the fact that she doesn’t actually know everything.

In Episode 2 of the 3rd Walpurgis Night, Faust freezes up when asked by Dante to give a more detailed explanation on the Library. She then gives soft confirmation that she is, indeed, in cahoots with her IDs.

Murder on the WARP Express spilled everything. As a result of being separated from Mephistopheles, she is forced to be without her IDs and must figure things out on by herself. Her complete cluelessness regarding what to do demonstrates her lack of any true life experience. She acts like a newborn baby attempting to walk. However, while she is clueless, she is not helpless. She, in fact, does have the potential to grow if she puts her mind to it. Faust exhibits curiosity, ingenuity, and amiability when she must undergo the trials of the WARP train incident.

She takes interest in the perspectives of the other Sinners when asking for help. She is able to discover new things and problem-solve by herself.

Faust can learn on her own and make friends if she really wanted to.

...Unfortunately, she falls back to her dependency on Mephistopheles at the end of the story and closes herself off once again.

Faust refuses to experience any pain that could otherwise spark a realization about herself. She is harming her ability to form relationships with others, as she habitually ignores them or prevents them from giving her advice. She actively denies herself the chance to truly learn about the world and come to her own conclusions—she is impeding her own personal growth. 

Out of all the Sinners, Faust is probably the least developed as a person. Yi Sang, Ishmael, Heathcliff—even those who are about to undergo or are still undergoing their arcs such as Don Quixote, Rodion, or Meursault—are fully-formed people. Faust is not. She is still stuck at the stage of having evolved ego-consciousness while everyone else around her is already achieving the Self. She's worryingly far behind. It’s honestly really sad to watch. 

I was debating on whether or not I should make this post for a few reasons. For one, I’m unable to read Goethe’s Faust at the moment, as I am still preoccupied with my research on Jungian Psychology and Jewish Mysticism for the previous two PM games (Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina). I didn’t want to say anything too specific about Faust’s story until I read her book. Secondly, this topic is really difficult to explain without delving into the Jungian elements in the PM universe. I felt I would end up confusing people if I just came out of nowhere with this post; I initially wanted to speak more about the foundational elements before anything else. 

Nevertheless, I feel that this knowledge I had on Faust, Jung, and PM’s lore was relevant enough to share. I was SHOCKED at how accurately I had predicted Faust’s future character development. The only other person I told this to was my younger sister, and I said, “Faust basically found a loophole through the lessons Angela and Roland learned in LoR. She’s only believing whatever she wants to believe, while also only believing what other people tell her. She’s using Mephi and her IDs as a crutch… I think that’s why she’s alone a lot of the time.” AND I ENDED UP BEING RIGHT. I had to stand up multiple times while playing through the Intervallo with my sister because of how excited I was at this. 

Murder on the WARP Express demonstrates that a good understanding of the games’ themes and of Jungian literary analysis is absolutely essential to figuring out each Sinners’ arc in Limbus. Deciphering, for example, the specifics of Faust’s connection with Gesellschaft is not-so-much valuable as having a strong grasp on what aspects of her character PM is trying to explore. “What is the text communicating? How does it relate to Jung’s ideas? What is the lesson this character is meant to learn?”

That is what matters at the end of the day. 

[esoteriamaya]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT. 7 ANGELS IN DISGUISE

Hello! Decided to dedicate this observation list to some pretty sensitive placements. If you have any of these placements or know someone that do, I hope you enjoy the list I've created !

Neptune 7th house people have a urgency to help others. Their compassionate healers who walk out into the world and people grasp on to their presence not knowing the reason why. In due time, they'll recognize that neptune 7th house person spirit is like no others. They have this Mother Theresa spirit to them. Very honest and vulnerable to the ones they love, they can almost certainly have a few tricksters walk amongst their path. Although they are incredibly sweet, they're discernment levels are to the T. Its unfortunate when they don't use it, they just want to see the good in you. They have a dreamy like quality to their presence that others notice right away. Captivating, but mysterious. People have no idea what they're getting into when being with them, but they know if they don't act right the cosmic forces in these people don't mind a cute lil revenge. ;)

Moon in Pisces see the beauty in everything. And it reflects back into their beautiful spirits. They're okay with being misunderstood, its just their empathetic bodies take on so many unwanted reactions and energy it's hard for them to feel accepted. They have a honest approach with life, and try their best not to belittle others with this truth. Their honest with themselves however can sugarcoat the truth a little to put less pressure on their wounds and others. therapeutic souls, they naturally attract others to tell them their deepest thoughts. It purifies them. Just being able to converse with moon pisces babes cleanses their auras and makes the skeletons feel a lil dance inside. No more hiding in their, they can take off their masks with them. Moon pisces babes can also be a little too generous with their funds, do not allow others sob stories to be the reason your wallets are being sucked dry. Tell them no. Boundaries are important with this group.

Venus in Pisces have this dreamy, ethereal nature to them its like a fairytale. Their desires tend to realize itself in practical realities more often then they think. When around others, they are like a dream come true. They have unreal personalities.Their gift in this lifetime is to share the joy and beauty of the inner child. They have a love for the universe and in return the universe gives them more than what they could of asked for. It's a beautiful placement. Venus in pisces must be careful because they attract a lot of narcissists in their corner. The narcs can see their beauty, power, and light and know that it can benefit them. Be smart about who you allow into your temple. You are literally a walking God/Goddess.

Mercury in the 1st House ; Believe it or not they have an innocence to them thats hard to ignore. Their like a youthful little child that never grows old. Their charm is impeccable. They can be little tricksters but in a way that it oozes a beautiful quality to it. Its funny. You can talk to them about anything and you can feel your mind soar because your mind gets to expand itself when your with them. They show you the way to relax and just be in the moment. Their a gift to this world when they're just being themselves.

Moon in the 3rd ; Natural healers. They connect with the community in a way that touches every soul they come in contact with. Very empathetic and need more alone time than most. They have to discern people way more than they would like. No matter how stand-offish they can appear, they still have a regal, likeable nature to them that attracts people like flies. We can naturally feel the sweetness off of them no matter what. Boundaries are something that's difficult for this placement, as their auric fields process information when they're not asking for it.

MOON IN THE 1ST are very likeable and are naturally open individuals. They can be secretive, but that mysterious charm is what pulls in others truest feelings towards them. People who do this to them just have a knowing that they will take what they say and not throw it in their face. They have a naturally sensitive personality so they can push others away easily. Its not by force it's just the way things flow. People with this placement can actually be pretty popular. Its the sweetness we feel off of them, and we just want more of it!

Neptune in the 3rd ; Its their voice. Their voice can soothe people. Its meditation for the spirit. They should consider doing asmr or even meditation videos using their voice! Oracles who learn to trust their gut at a young age, they use this gift to help guide others. They are attracted to the unknown, but this darkness is filled with so much light deep inside. The things that scare us can easily be heavenly to them. They walked that path in order to fight the light. It's just what they do.

ENJOY!

[saturnrevolution]

Jupiter through houses

Jupiter in the 1st house

You are a curious person, always looking for the next activity that will help expand your identity. The negative manifestation of your Jupiter sign is a tendency to focus a lot on other people’s perception of you and allow opinions to say who you are. When you are in your power, you don’t express yourself by societal definitions, but create new ways from within. You are also vouching for justice and you take life as an adventure. Most blessings come to you when you are willing to learn, when you are open to knowledge, you travel and explore through experimenting. You create your own luck by shining bright.

Jupiter in the 2nd house

When it comes to receiving from the Universe, you have this ability to allow abundance, especially material and financial, to come to you. You do this best when you are letting things unfold, when you are living in the present moment and have a positive outlook on life. It’s important to follow your values and philosophies. Financial gain can come to you fast, but you can also spend it just as fast. So, it’s important to be disciplined in your ways, while still allowing yourself the freedom to do whatever you want. Invest in things that help you grow and build your independence, as later on you might be a strong pillar for others.

Jupiter in the 3rd house

Your words matter, sharing your wisdom with the world is part of what brings you luck and abundance. There needs to be a fair balance between what it is you speak up on and how much you hold in. You can find wealth in your hometown or home country. Short distance travels help you refresh your mind and put you in a good mood. You could become a teacher or coach, however you need your words to be heard. You have the ability to manifest through your thinking, so know that negative thoughts will expand in more negative thoughts. Write them down and let them go, then focus on the things you are grateful for to succeed.

Jupiter in the 4th house

Your luck comes from your ancestors. Your lineage is protecting you and wants you to succeed. Whenever you spend time connecting to your roots, your culture or living place, you discover new sides of yourself. Speaking on your goals with family and loved ones helps you manifest them. You might sometimes get stuck in a victim-like mentality, so make sure you are surrounded by people that support you. Having a home that makes you feel inspired is crucial, decorate it in a way that helps you shine. Spending time in your own comfort is restoring, but taking risks is too. You might move abroad or live abroad one day.

Jupiter in the 5th house

Whenever you nurture your inner child, you are on the path to success. You are someone that enjoys the little things in life, that wants adventure and passion. You are creative and talented, and your expression speaks louder than words. However, sometimes you might take your talents for granted and not nourish them enough. While it’s amazing to have fun, discipline would be a game-changer for you. You sometimes find abundance through romance, but do not give your power away by not setting boundaries. Value yourself. Take yourself on dates, do those things you loved as a child, your passions and dreams will unfold.

Jupiter in the 6th house

There is nothing more healing for you than living with intention. Caring for your body and health, offering yourself what you need is putting you on the right path. However, overindulging or over-worrying or stress puts you off your path. This is why, the best approach is to create a routine that you truly resonate with. Find the things that work for you on a daily basis, listen to what your body needs, and find ways to make every activity feel like it was made for you. You like music? Listen to it while you cook, offer love to little things, and you will gain it back. Your ability to get disciplined will offer you success.

Jupiter in the 7th house

Why is it that others are able to see your warmth, but for you, it’s much harder? Whenever you connect to others, you spend time with people that make you smile and feel empowered, you thrive and attract abundance. Abundance can come in the form of people too, collaborations, projects that just take off. However, if you spend your energy on people that drain you or make you doubt, you will attract more lessons. Your knowledge is contagious, accept the side of you which thrives and allow positivity to come in. This way, you will live the life you have always imagined and attract love from in and out.

Jupiter in the 8th house

Some people are scared to dive deep. But not you. Your inner world is one of the most valuable tools you have. If you focus on your negative feelings towards a situation, those feelings will grow. However, if you focus on what makes you feel good, what offers your life meaning and purpose, you will attract blessings. You have the ability to shine alight on what seems dark, you have the ability to trigger people in realizing what they need. Whenever you research into the occult, taboo subjects, or you bring up difficult subjects, you are able to make others feel seen. Just open up more, people are waiting for your ideas.

Jupiter in the 9th house

You are a teacher and a student of life. You are someone who is able to create wonderful stories through living their life and then share their knowledge in concepts that inspire others. You are able to change paradigms if you allow yourself to truly believe in your philosophies. However, you need to also open yourself up to other people’s ideas as a way of relating to people. You attract blessings through studying, travel or reading. While your experiences are important, be careful not to get so lost in this search for meaning that you neglect those that want to be a part of your success. Stop and look back at times.

Jupiter in the 10th house

You career is where you are lucky and will receive blessings in this lifetime. You have the ability to reach your goals, as many opportunities are aligning for you. However, it’s yup to you to decide which ones are here to help you grow and which ones are selling a false promise. You could be a leader or thrive in a management position. The best way to reach your success is by not getting carried away with work so much that you forget to play. It’s in those moments of rest and contemplation when inspiration comes to you, and when you offer yourself the space to push forward. Dream big, rest bigger.

Jupiter in the 11th house

You are blessed in this lifetime with many life-changing connections. You have the ability to create friends wherever you go and to seek their support whenever you are in need. However, be careful with setting boundaries. When you feel you are tired or you simply want to be alone, allow yourself that space. Blessings come to you when you spend time in communities of people that share the same interests as you. You could easily become influential online by speaking on your beliefs. Allow growth to happen by trusting your authentic self and showing up as it in front of others. You could also become an activist.

Jupiter in the 12th house

Your inner wisdom is the most subtle thing about you, but also the most valuable. Whenever you take decisions based on your intuition is when you thrive. You have the ability to evolve spiritually, if you just allow yourself to face your shadows. Sometimes it might feel as though it’s harder to tap into your luck, but the truth is that the power lies in your hands. Daydreaming can be a great tool of manifesting, although sometimes you might forget to take care of your body. Find a balance between the ethereal and the physical world and you will thrive. Meditating and breathing techniques are your best friends.

[claraswritings]

Can I Be The One?

Summary: Luca is your childhood friend who has fallen in love with you. Carmy meets you through him and falls for you too Vignettes throughout the years knowing them.

Pairing: Chef Luca x female!Reader / Carmen Berzatto x female!Reader- I have never done this before. There’s TWO ENDINGS so you can pick whichever hot chef boyfriend you want.

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, negative inner monologue, allusions to a panic attack, language, slow burn (sort of…it’s a fic which spans years), Google translate used, short smut in both endings, friends to lovers.

Notes:

1. In 2.04 in Luca’s kitchen there’s a handwritten sign that says “Jeg elsker dig” which is I love you according to Google translate 😭. So I wrote that into the Luca ending because who wrote that to him. WHO?who?WHO?WHO?… It was you if you want it to be.

2. I am so up for expanding both of these CHOOSE timelines. If anyone has any ideas for blurbs or just wants to chat pop up.

———————————————————————————

LUCA

PARIS

After some years of Luca working in London restaurants and climbing the ladder, he’d built his skills up at a rapid pace impressing just about everyone, including himself with how good he was. You’d been there for him like you promised through it all, his first successful promotion where he was tasked with coming up with a new dessert. You’d brainstorm with him and hold plates steady whilst he practiced assembly. You were there his countless attempts at spun sugar that you wound up having to pick out of his hair. The day he’d perfected his technique on that had been a relief, both for Luca and you but a sad day for the fine tooth comb industry. Seeing him flourish and be successful made you so happy. People were finally seeing Luca as you saw him. Talented, patient, dedicated and hardworking. Finally, he had something he loved that he could put all of his pent up energy into.

Every time he was offered the chance to a new place, he’d asked you to come with him and every time it had been an easy decision.

Given that you’d studied languages and spoke several, you’d agree with a joke that you’d be his unofficial translator in exchange for being his taste tester. It was easy for you to get freelance work wherever you went so it became you and Luca, travelling the world together.

Only a few weeks ago he’d asked you to come to Paris with him so he could learn new pastry techniques over there and stage at a restaurant, you’d once again agreed knowing you’d be able to pick up some translation work online.

“He speaks French and English by the way.” You said as you made your way back to the Paris Air BnB you’d been staying in over the past month. “He was fucking with the staff.” You continued, referring to the government official who allegedly spoke no English or French.

“I don’t think government officials ‘mess with’ people.” Luca looked down at you and pulled a face, “He was pretty old”

On this particular night he’d called you saying there was a restaurant emergency, a government official had requested off-menu, however when said official arrived, he stared blankly at any attempts to communicate in French or English.

“Don’t they?” You said, “I hate to break it to you but I think that is pretty much the byline of their job description.”

“I think…I think he was just being a dickhead.”

“Also in their job description, darling.” you whistled lowly, laughing as you looked up at him.

The way you called him that. It felt sweet, personable and rolled off the tongue and he suddenly felt it heavy in the Paris summer. Did it feel as loaded to him as it did to you? Probably not. You were so friendly and personable to everyone. Luca shook his head and tried not to make it obvious.

Of course he’d thought about you like that. It had started in fleeting moments.

The first day of his first kitchen job, or several years ago when he went to your university graduation and you’d held his arm as you walked across the grass to have photos taken, or last year you’d stopped in to see him, KFC bucket in hand after your relationship ended (Luca hated the guy anyway), or last month you’d tried 20 different variations of the same caramelized banana dessert he’d made even if you never were overly keen on banana because he’d really, really wanted to impress this celebrity chef that was coming into where he was working as sous chef.

It had become more frequent over the years with a hundred other times in between until he couldn’t remember when it had become harder and harder to put it down to a fleeting thought and closer to ‘I think I might be in love with my best friend’

“You’re messing with me aren’t you?” Luca asked, cocking his head to the side.

“He seemed to understand when I dropped it towards the end of the meal and thanked him sounding like this.” You gestured at yourself “So I’m going to go with…no, he understood…”

“Fucking hell” Luca let out low exhale and then laughed. “Hey…thanks again for helping, the CDC has offered you a free meal.”

“Why do you think I came down.” You joked. “Well that and I like hearing about what you’re making” you added on sincerely.

“You like me being a nerd about desserts?” Luca cocked his head, a slightly teasing tone in his voice

“Yeah but I like it. It’s actually really interesting you talking about your technique” You replied back “it’s like vocal food porn or something”

“Nah,” He laughed loudly at your description and elbowed you jokingly in the sides. “You just have a sweet tooth. I can promise you most people are not that interested.”

“Pfft their loss.…” You looped your arm through his and continued “You know I’m so proud of you, Luca, how much energy and love you put into this. It’s so cool. You’ve improved so much since your first dish and you just keep getting better.”

You were there in the restaurant for the first time a dish he’d fully made himself was served in the London restaurant he’d started at. Thai green curried pineapple. It had gone out first to the table next to you and you’d watched the woman keenly, waiting for her reaction. She’d loved it , of course she had, it was made by Luca. It was an open kitchen so you’d shot him a subtle thumbs up when you caught him staring through, fingers drumming over his mouth, nervous, hoping to alleviate his nerves. You’d proceeded to rave about the dish and her reaction, in detail, to him, all the way home, so excitedly, that you were sure half of the tube heard you. Your pride in him calmed his nerves, put him at ease, not just because you were his supportive best friend, but because it would be impossible to fake your enthusiasm.

Luca turned his head, not wanting to meet your eye for fear he’d run his mouth off ‘Couldn’t do it without you, thank you for always being there for me through it all, by the way I think I might have fallen in love with you’

“Thanks… not just for that, I mean for everything…” he stopped and mentally chastised himself for acting so awkward “How are you finding it?” He asked instead “I ask a lot of you, I know”

“Luca. I get to travel the world with my best friend, working from beautiful locations, whilst he lives his dream. It’s incredible.”

You were looking up at him, smiling, clearly ecstatically happy . And why wouldn’t you be. In a beautiful city with your best friend.

He knew he was your best friend but hearing you call him that felt weird. ‘You ARE her best friend, you’re not her boyfriend. Did you forget? Can master passionfruit macarons in a day but can’t understand that?

“Oh…by the way…I got you something.”

Your voice pulled him from his thoughts as you paused on the middle of the path and opened your bag with your free hand and passed him a napkin and written on it was a phrase in French.

“Still keeping up with that tradition?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah I might be.” You teased back. “Don’t pretend I don’t know you love them!”

Luca of course loved the little tradition you’d started and had to fight back the grin that was threatening to break out on his face but he couldn’t.

You’d leave him a message written in the language of wherever he was working at the time. ‘Good luck’ on a napkin for his first role in London, There was one from a trip of Venice (‘You’re the best <3’- sei il migliore), and another from Seville (‘You’ve got this <3’ - tienes esto) and one from Rotterdam (‘I believe in you <3’ - ik geloof in jou). They’d made their way into books, notes from each place he’d visited, pressed between pages as memories.

The newest one in French was ‘I am so proud of you’ - je suis si fier de toi <3

He would keep it with him tucked into a pocket until you left Paris for Chicago and he’d move it into a notebook alongside a step by step for Canelés, a photo of the first time he’d made a Paris-Brest and tickets from your first visit to the Louvre and one of you he’d taken, candid, looking up at the sparkling Eiffel Tower.

———————————————————————————

BOTH

CHICAGO

All you had heard about since Luca had started working at Ever, a 3 star Chicago restaurant, was this other chef.

Every day. All day.

He’d come home to you sounding off. ‘Carmen did this better than me, Carmen is quicker than me, Carmen pitted two bags of peas when everyone else had only pitted half of one,’

You knew Luca wasn’t used to being second best and you knew it was getting to him. He’d been the best everywhere he’d been, except now.

Luca would stay up later and later in an attempt to get better, sometimes only sleeping for an hour. It was as if he felt like all his hard work would be for nothing and he’d be back as the guy who barely passed his exams and got in trouble all the time. You’d wake up, go to the kitchen for breakfast and find Luca had been up for three hours practicing folding dough or picking seeds out of strawberries or whatever the head chef had them doing the day before.

You were growing concerned, you knew why it was bothering him and had voiced to him several times to varying results that there was nothing wrong with being second best sous chef at a Michelin star restaurant. This other guys ability didn’t make him less.

After listening to Luca explain that Carmen managed to get the layering of butter and dough just perfect for croissants and had made two dozen whilst everyone else was still on their first and how he could brown a baked alaska in 15 seconds without the ice cream melting, you’d suggested that maybe he should become friends with him.

“Why don’t you ask him how he does it?” You asked him “Maybe he’d be happy to share?”

“What?”

Luca looked in thought for a moment, as if he was only just clicking this was an option, considering it before you continued.

“I’m worried about how hard you’re pushing yourself, bit of competition is fine but you’ll wear yourself out at this rate…Plus maybe there’s something you can show him that he might need to know”

He knew you were right. You usually were. Typical of you to be able to rationalise his thoughts within minutes. Of course you’d suggest he becomes friends with Carmen, why wouldn’t you... ‘You know me too well, you’re good at knowing what I need to hear.’

***

You hadn’t expected Luca to literally show up with Carmen the next day.

And the next, and the next and the next.

If you were honest, you didn’t know what you were expecting from this guy Luca had ranted about for weeks but you’d gotten on with him far more than you expected. Carmen had been shy at first but as you spent more time with him, you’d grown to liked his quiet humour and how remarkably observant he was. He instantly noticed your jeans as vintage Levi 501s, the only type of jean you’d worn since you could remember and eventually he’d become friends with both of you.

Carmen had taken a liking to you, surprising even himself. You were warm, friendly, and outgoing. You had this incredible ability to make absolutely anyone feel like the only person in the room.

Like when he or Luca broke down the process of making the dish they’d made, you’d be looking like it was describing the most interesting story you’d heard.

Questions like ‘so how do you curl the red pepper tuiles? Is that with a knife or am I a total idiot?’ and ‘is it always a green apple in the sugar dome?’ and ‘how do you know when the yuzu jelly is done?’ Even the things you’d say like ‘Can you make Le Tendance with white chocolate or does it have to be dark’

Carmy knew you probably didn’t know the difference between the different types of pans he mentioned or why it mattered. There was no stake in the debate he and Luca had been having over compressed watermelon sorbet for you. But you cared. You always cared.

It was endearing and made him feel appreciated, kept him passionate about cooking even after a long day so he warmed to you, like you’d inadvertently got a part of him, given him a quiet understanding and support, he desperately craved but thought he’d never get.

He was achingly jealous of Luca and your unwavering love and support. It was evident from how you’d gush supportively over Luca perfecting edible flowers or lychee creme or whatever. Carmy desperately craved more of the warmth and love you gave so freely.

****

“Here.”

Carmy pushed a plate of spaghetti gratin towards you. “uh, try it, lemme know what you think. Something I’ve…erm, been..working on.”

“For me?” You grinned excitedly, not even waiting for him to nod before picked up your fork and helped yourself to some, slipping it past your lips.

“Holy fuck” you moaned as the taste hit you. “That’s amazing, Carmy, so good…”

“Better than that one in Mayfair?” Luca asked, from beside you, with a small smile. Your eyes met his and you nodded causing him to smirk. “Told you it was good, man” he said to Carmy patting him on the shoulder “this guys good at everything!”

“Oh god yeah” you took another bite “Fuck me this is…wow.”

“See…” Luca nodded encouragly “And thats high praise from her. She loves that place!”

“Wha’ one in Mayfair?” Carmy turned to you, curious. He hadn’t been but he knew there was a large list of fine dining places there and was keen to know what, or rather, who you had to compare his against.

“Murano. My family used to have dinner there once a week” you explained “…it’s an incredible restaurant. It does the best spaghetti gratin I’ve ever had…” you dug your fork in again and helped yourself to more, pausing as you did “Well… until this one. Have you been to London? We should all go.”

You were effortlessly likeable, funny. Colourful flowers and feathers snaking their way up your arm, a little silver nose ring, vintage jeans and leather jackets. ‘Of course handsome Luca would have a cool girlfriend like you.’

“You two married long or…” Carmy had asked before he could stop himself and immediately winced at how he’d just blurted it out, kicking himself internally.

Beside him, Luca attempted to cover up his surprised expression as quickly as possible and wondered if it was noticeable how he tensed. Did Carmy have a thing for you? What would you say? Obviously she’s going to say you’re not together because guess what? You’re not. Just because you’ve deluded yourself into thinking she’s your girl doesn’t mean she is. Don’t fuck up the one consistent relationship you’ve had in your life.

“Oh…we’re not, we’re not married, he’s my best friend.” You said off hand as you pulled the fork from your mouth, slowly.

“Oh…I tho…” Carmy stopped himself as he caught Luca’s eye. Did he know?

The pair of them held the silence for a few seconds, each wondering if the other was as into you as they were. Luca moved first, dropping his hand from where it was resting over his lips, as if he meant to speak but you beat him to it

“Can I eat all of this?” You pointed at the dish with your fork.

And like that the moment was gone. You’d changed the subject, completely unaware of the tension in the air.

Carmy nodded. He liked that you always wanted another taste. In the kitchen, taste tests were usually quick, a bite to give some feedback and then on to the next. Here in the kitchen of a rental you’d got a short lease on was different.

The need you had for more of what he served gave him more confidence, reassured him. It somehow felt more rewarding than a colleague having a test only to say ‘Perfect, chef. Thanks’.

And Against all odds and all expectations, he’d found himself also wanting more.

———————————————————————————

CARMY

LONDON

You’d left Chicago with Luca after a few months to move to Copenhagen but had promised to keep in touch. From when you arrived, you’d been raving about it to him. How beautiful it was, how relaxed you felt there, so when he’d been offered the chance to go over to Noma and work, he’d been all too happy to go.

Truth be told, he also missed you. Calls and texts a were not cutting it.

Carmy was never one for answering the phone. Maybe it was a defense mechanism with Mikey never answering and not wanting to get his hopes up that it was his brother finally reaching out. Until you. If anything he found himself calling or texting you even when he was tired.

Talking to you helped switch off the static in his head, it was like you were his reminder to stay grounded, stay in the moment.

Carmy had scheduled his flights so he’d have a few days in London before his flight to Copenhagen, mostly to try the places you’d recommended. He’d reached out to ask for the details and it had just so happened you’d been in town for a friends wedding. You’d offered to come meet you the day after, he’d agreed in a second, happy for the opportunity to spend time with you.

****

Markets sprawled across different corners of the city, each with their own individual personality and you seemed to know them like the back of your hand. He’d let you lead, and it was the fourth one you’d been to with him today and at each one you’d insisted on buying from numerous stalls and making him try a variety of things of varying quality as well as buying yourself a pin that went straight onto the denim jacket you had slung loosely over your shoulders.

“Sometimes it’s good, sometimes less so, you know” you hooked your legs over the bench you’d managed to get to before a large group of school kids. “I know it’s not fancy but I just love the markets. All of ‘em”

“I can get not fancy,” Carmen laughed, something he noticed he did more often around you. It had become almost alien to smile or enjoy himself but with you it came naturally “I don’t really cook for myself all tha’ much” He helped himself to some of your bang-bang noodles and twisted them around with his chopsticks “it’s comfort food. I get it,”

“Yeah I bet…Come home after cooking all day, you probably just want something you can put in the microwave.”

“Sometimes not even that So a week ago? Had leftover pizza and I’m talkin’ anymore leftover and I think it woulda just been gone off pizza. Didn’t even re-heat it”

“I don’t know if that’s gross or impressive!” You laughed and it made Carmy smile, he loved it that he could draw that reaction from you and loved that he smiled, really smiled, with you. He couldn’t remember the last time he could be like that around someone.

You paused for a minute, taking a drink from your can of Diet Coke before you spoke again.

“Reservations at eight by the way. I don’t know if it’ll compare but I wanted you to try it.”

“Reservation?” Carmy tilted his head, wondering if he’d forgotten something.

“Yeah.” You nodded giving him a wide grin “it’s a great restaurant in the Shard. You don’t think I’d take a chef to London and not try somewhere did you?”

****

That evening he found himself in a navy dress shirt he’d bought that same day sitting across from you. You’d changed into a little black dress, a small cardigan that was over your shoulders, sliding slightly down and he could see a pink peony on your shoulder.

If he was honest, he half been expecting Luca to show up but when you’d approached the maitre d, he’d greeted you by name and said ‘table for two’ and Carmy had silently breathed a sigh of relief and then instantly felt guilty over it.

Luca was a nice guy. Carmy sometimes wished he was a raging asshole so it would be easier to put his jealousy of him down to that and not his proximity and closeness to you.

****

“You look really good in navy.” You complimented, cutting through his thoughts. The waiter just had cleared away one of the other countless courses, a sous vide duck, that was as expected; delicious, even if he’d have opted for a different garnish.

Carmy felt his heart pick up. Had you just been sitting there thinking he looked good? He felt himself smile a little but was quick to downplay it, blinking back a response “you… you think?”

“Yeah, Navy really suits you, Carmy. You should wear it more often...”

‘Done’ he thought to himself.

“Thanks, I mean you, uh, you look nice too,”

You smiled at him but before you could respond, the waiter was at your table again, with a further course. Steamed chocolate sponge, baked white chocolate and sugar snap salad, the first of a few desserts.

“Wow” you muttered and you pointed at the plate “this looks so good…” you watched him take a bite and nod approvingly before you asked “Is it weird being on this side of the wall? Doing the eating and not the cooking?”

“A little…uh, I guess it’s not often that m’not worrying about everything being perfect,” Carmy grimaced and ran a hand through his hair “I feel tuned into their kitchen even though I’ve never been in it. Is that weird?” His hand rested over his chin waiting for you to respond.

You shook your head “No… No I don’t think so…” you dropped your voice and leant in closer. He could smell your perfume, your shampoo and soap from your skin. “if so, it’s also weird that I can’t switch off the translating and have been evasdropping on that German couple,” you looked to your right with your eyes

Taking your joke as a distraction from how much he’d like to bury his lips in your neck and kiss you, he laughed and took a bite of his dish. You’d made a good decision, this restaurant was excellent as you’d promised it would be.

Is this what you did with Luca? Go travel and visit places with him and try new foods and laugh?

A mix between jealousy and confusion crossed his mind as the thought occurred and he found himself wondering how Luca could not make a fucking move.

Is he crazy or does he have the willpower of a fucking saint. The question rang in Carmens mind before ‘You’re not making a move either,’ he told himself internally ‘being jealous of her friend, being jealous of a guy she’s known since she was a kid. She’s not into you. She does not want you, fucko. She could do better than you. You can’t compete, she’s not going to want you. You just wish you’d had her all this time like Luca has don’t you, would you have been as fucked in the head if you’d had her supporting you all this time?

“Carmy?” You asked with a raised eyebrow. “You kinda went somewhere there? You good”

“Uh, yeah, imma just go for a quick smoke..” he began to stand up and excused himself as he did

“There’s no terrace, you’ll have to go to ground, you want me to come with?” You made a move to put down your fork, to go with him. You looked a little concerned like you weren’t 100% buying that it was a nicotine craving driving the need for air.

“No no, you stay here, jus’ need to…” he waved and headed out pressing the button to take him to the ground level.

Once Carmy was outside, he ignored the request for smokers not to loiter too close to the building and lit up, taking a drag and letting the nicotine hit, leaning back against one of the pillars.

‘I am so fucked’

———————————————————————————

BOTH

COPENHAGEN

“So the cat…?” Carmy started to ask

He’d been in the city a week, deciding he’d work in Copenhagen for a while before heading to New York, and had been staying on a houseboat that apparently had a cat. Despite the note asking him to leave water out for the cat. The water never moved and there was no cat ever there.

You and Luca shared a look and started laughing.

“We lived on this boat until recently. Six months and I never saw that cat once. Bowl never moved.” you said “My theory is that the cat died and they still leave water out for it, Luca’s convinced it was a stray. He still changed the water every day, which was pretty sweet of him…”

Luca tilted his head a little. You’d thought it was sweet? Him looking after some imaginary cat? Maybe he should get a real one and wondered if he should mention it to you. ‘Bit coupley isn’t it, getting a cat? Get a cat so she thinks it’s cute and sees you with the cat and…you still won’t tell her you’re in love with her will you’ Luca told himself internally. He couldn’t stop picturing it though and noted it down as a maybe for the future idea.

****

“Tell Carmy about that Home Economics class you had!” Luca took a sip of his drink as the three of you sat at the table of the houseboat, sharing a few drinks one evening.

“Oh!” You perked up putting down your own as you sat up on your seat “this is so funny! We had this teacher, who set us task to bring in a a lunch you made at home, now I totally forgot because I had my French mock exam that morning…so of course I had to think fast so I didn’t get detention!”

You paused for dramatic effect. Luca biting back a laugh knowing what was coming. “Still can’t believe you got away with that.” He shook his head.

“I went to KFC on my lunch and got the strips and two sides, the corn and the salad, I spent the rest of my lunch, deconstructing it… if you will..” you gestured dramatically “so cutting up the chicken, peeling the skin off, eating some of it, shelling the corn with a blunt compass,” you emphasised, thinking your skill was impressive, “and mixing it into the salad and pretended I’d made a chicken salad.”

“She got a fucking A as well,” Luca commented as Carmy laughed at your ridiculous improvisation. “Don’t know how, but apparently Mrs Kennedy had never had a KFC before!”

“You might have if you weren’t skiving.” You raised your eyebrows. “Forever bunking this one” you pointed at him but you were smiling fondly as you did.

“Hey, You skived sometimes too. I remember you skived off PE to go to that game with me!” Luca joked back, playfully poking you in the side

“Yeah went all that way, sat with your fans and we lost”

Your pout drew a smile from Luca who knew you supported his teams rival, before you continued “and that goal was still not offside!” you emphasised.

Luca began to insist that it was, with a playful grin, knowing he was winding you up at how aggrieved you were over a game that was well over decade old.

Carmy forced a smile at the back and forth between you and Luca, taking another sip of his own drink, hoping the coolness would quell the feeling inside.

He hated it that it bothered him that you and Luca had all these shared memories, that the only time you ever bickered was over your rival teams and even then it was teasing, that Luca had known all these different versions of you, that he probably would always have that shared bond with you.

You and Luca were now bantering back and forth in a playful way that made his chest hurt so he stood up and made his way to the kitchen and began shuffling through the drawers until he found something wedged between two of them.

“What the hell is this ?” Carmy couldn’t help himself as he pulled out the cheese knife. There is no way this was one of Luca’s that he’d left when he’d lived on the boat, meaning it had to be…

“Oh my god my knife!” You perked up, abandoning your spot at the table “I’d wondered that was!”

Your cheese knife.

Your old, falling apart, slightly…okay very, blunt cheese knife.

Luca had tried on multiple occasions to persuade you to get a new one but you’d insisted you liked your old one and trusted it. Until it disappeared when you moved off the houseboat and you assumed you’d accidentally knocked it into the water or something.

“Not that knife” Luca groaned as his eyes shot over to the black handled knife Carmy held. “I was hoping you’d lost that for good” he grinned half jokingly “but it just keeps coming back”

“It’s a knife, Luca, not a haunted doll!” You laughed “I must have just left it here before we moved!”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if it was haunted.” It was his turn to pull a face, first at you then at Carmy.

“Hey I got this knife my first year of University and…” you attempted to protest

“Yeah I can tell..” Carmy spoke, giving you a pointed look. “It’s falling apart!”

“It never failed me.” You continued ignoring both of them at this point “when I wanted a late night block of cheese it was there…”

“You coulda got a professional one or anythin’ that’s not some cheap whole sale crap”

“Actually, it was from Ikea.”

The shared expression of horror between the two men was enough for you to crack up and concede, knowing you could not defend your knife to one chef, let alone two.

“Okay” you threw your hands up “Fine… but how about we leave it here, on this boat…to…”

“Fuckin’ mentally scar any chef that might be put up here in the future?” Carmy added with a laugh and was only met with a swift side eye from you, followed by a sly smirk suggesting you knew he and Luca had convinced you.

****

“What’s the note say?” Carmy asked nodding at a piece of paper glued to the front of Luca’s first Copenhagen notebook. He’d taken it out to read over some notes, prepare himself and prep.

He knew it was likely in Danish but it didn’t look like one of the common phrases he’d tried, to little avail, to practice. It looked a bit like your writing, but he couldn’t be sure.

Luca felt a flood of warmth at the chance to talk about it.

“So it’s this little tradition we do, she writes me these sentences in whatever language of the country we’re staying in. They’re usually like, ‘Well done’ or ‘you’re the best’ or something.” he enthused

“Oh.” Was all Carmy could manage at first. The jealousy sat in his stomach in a way he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. Carmy hated that he was jealous but he wanted you to write him cute notes, phrases he’d only half understand “Sounds…erm, sounds nice.” was all he managed before his throat went dry.

“What are you drawing anyway?” Luca nodded at the half open notebook. As his eyes flickered down to the paper, Carmy felt his stomach drop, the breeze had blown the pages past the passionfruite posset, past the wagu beef, past the shaded menu options and right to…

You

Carmy couldn’t cover it quickly enough.

Luca just looked from the paper, back to Carmy, back to you and could feel his heartbeat in his ears.

Course Carmy likes her too. And he’s better than you at everything. She’d pick him you know. Probably already has. Why did you introduce them? That would be tragic. Introducing the one woman you’re desperately in love with to her future man and never making the move yourself. Had her as your best friend, your roommate and still couldn’t tell her you wanted her. You’re a fucking idiot.

He said your name.

“You like her?” Loud enough for Carmy but not for you. Carmy didn’t answer but he didn’t close over his book. “You into her?”

After a moment, Luca sighed, and scratched his cheek and sat beside him, accepting Carmy’s silence as confirmation.

“Yeah, me too mate.” He said quietly before passing his friend a drink.

———————————————————————————

LUCA

COPENHAGEN

With Luca securing his dream job and you able to work remotely, you’d found a bigger place together in Copenhagen. The temporary houseboat to a small place to this bigger apartment now, with a large open plan kitchen and a walk in pantry for Luca to store whatever he might need when he brought work home with him. You didn’t mind as long as he let you taste it.

You’d won the coin toss and scored the room that overlooked the water. Luca hadn’t complained, you worked mostly from home so it made sense for you to have the room with a view and also he’d have conceded anyway, knowing it would make you happy.

****

As Luca entered the room, he saw you from behind, a pair of mid thigh cycle shorts on and a large oversized black t-shirt, getting something out of the fridge. It slowly dawned on him that you were wearing his t-shirt.

The t-shirt on him was tight over his broad shoulders, stopping on his hips but on you, it hung loose and ended about at the end of your thigh, owing to the big height difference between the two of you. Making it look like it was all you were wearing. He’d seen you in shorts before, of course he had but this felt different. It was his t-shirt over the shorts making his brain go haywire.

“Hey!” You turned and greeted him, smiling. “How was work? Did that 70th birthday go well?”

“You’re…you’re wearing my shirt.” was all he could manage before he felt his throat dry up. “Are you?”

‘Get a grip man what are you a fucking teenager’ he chastised himself internally. You’ve drawn attention to it, you could have just enjoyed the view a little while longer…’

“Oh shit sorry, yeah, I just, I got stuff down mine and the doorbell was ringing and yours was at the top of the clean laundry. I didn’t think it was appropriate to open the door in just my bra.” You put what you needed on the counter and moved back beginning to prepare whatever you were making. “Not the best first impression. He might have got the wrong idea…”

Luca just hummed a laugh and didn’t say anything as he tried to stop his brain wandering to you wearing his shirt in other scenarios and he had to shut his eyes. He brought his hand to his temple, and massaged, hoping he could conceal his brain betraying him as tiredness.

“It was the landlord.” You carried on “He said rents due on the 2nd, the utility room is on the 5th floor and he’d like you to get him a reservation, he likes rhubarb and pistachio sorbet” you began relaying the translation of the landlords message.

It was around a minute later he realised he hadn’t actually replied being too busy thinking about, walking over to you, lifting you onto the counter and kissing you hard, sliding down those shorts and having you just in his shirt.

“Luca? Luca, are you okay?” He snapped back to Earth realising you were looking at him “you kinda zoned out”

“Uh yeah, rent by the 5th, utilities on the 2nd” he repeats, waving his hand.

“Other way round, you dope” you laughed. “Come here and help me anyway” You wave him over to the kitchen. “I’m making something. Sorry to take work home with you but I need your expertise!”

“Branching out from the air fryer?” he raises an eyebrow and you laugh

“What! it’s quick!” You protested in defence.

He smiled in agreement “You got a point. Come on now what do you need help with?”

You nodded towards some peaches “Can you dice those whilst I fix this dough out?”

Luca agreed and began dicing but he couldn’t help his eyes, drift back you for a few moments every so often. He watched as you attempted to knead the dough but couldn’t quite get the pressure right and struggled to push down owing to the angles.

“No, like this. The angles better if you…” Luca put down the knife, peaches sliced and diced to perfection. “Here I’ll show you”

He moved around the counter and put an arm either side of you, his hands on top of yours, pressing yours moulding the dough, as you let him lead, relaxing. He began holding your hands with his so he could knead whilst showing you. He tried to resist the urge to press into you, to hold you tight against him.

“Like this, see” he said quietly and you nodded, watching his hands and yours under them as he moved effortlessly.

“Yes, chef” you jokingly quipped and Luca had to bite his lip to stop him dropping to your neck.

It wasn’t quite what he’d like to be doing right now but it settled something else for him. So much so that maybe it was even preferable. This almost quietly domestic, almost coupley activity.

When the dough was done, he reluctantly stepped back instantly missing the contact with you, as he watched you line the dish with the dough and peaches and slide it into the oven.

“Thanks Luca” you grinned at him.

“Anytime.” Was about all he could manage and he meant it, that two minutes set his stomach alight more than anything he could remember.

You ate it together on the small balcony later that evening and as you’d asked him how it felt to finally get everything he wanted; job as head pastry chef at a Michelin restaurant and beautiful place to call home in a gorgeous city. He had to hold himself back from saying

How can I have everything I want but I don’t have you. Not in the way I want you.

———————————————————————————

CARMY

NEW YORK

“How’s Eleven Madison Park.” You asked him. He’d started a few months ago and told you to come visit when you were next in New York. Of course you’d accepted.

The head chef hates me. And not just from a cooking point of view. He actively hates me. I throw up every day before work and usually have a panic attack in the walk-in at least twice a week, he gets weirdly personal, he thinks I’m shit, told me to die yesterday. Carmy thought but hesitated, reluctant to dump his stresses out there in the open incase you thought he was overreacting.

“It’s good, but erm, I mean it’s…a lot, the head chef he’s…”

“A dick?” You suggested recognising the ‘I hate my boss’ look on his face.

Carmy looked a little startled and then he let out a breathy laugh. “He’s one of the best chefs in the world…but yeah…he’s an ass…” he stopped

“What does he say to you?” You asked, carefully.

Carmy didn’t want to say it out loud, saying it out loud felt like it would give more weight to the words and some deep paranoid part of him worried you’d agree or even worse that you’d realise and think ‘he’s got a point, you are worthless and insecure and too slow and pathetic’

“Yknow…just always on me…” his voice was quiet.

He felt the twitch in his leg and ran a hand over his mouth biting on his knuckle for a few seconds, trying to distract himself but all he could hear was his voice in his head.

“Carmy?” You noticed the furrow in his brow and his leg bouncing and his hands against his mouth “You ‘kay?”

When he didn’t respond, you continued, concerned but careful. “Carmy, babe, can you look at me? That’s all I need you to do,”

It was a struggle as he rose his head, forced his eyes open and locked his wide eyed stare onto yours. You smiled gently and exhaled, gesturing for him to follow.

He did and you did this a few more times, talking him through breathing a few more times.

‘Well done fucko, she definitely thinks you’re crazy now’

But your expression didn’t suggest that at all. The opposite. Your look was one of understanding, of compassion and kindness.

“I find this helps.” You lifted your fingers to your own neck where it joined with your shoulder, the clavicle just below, you pressed down in a massaging motion.

“Can I touch you?” You ask and Carmen swore he short circuited but instead he just nodded and hoped it wasn’t too needy, too quick that he responded to you asking to touch him.

With his permission, you put your hand on him, a copy of your own. “Like this.” your hand was on his chest right over his clavicle, circling my gently “Focus on my voice”

You continued to talk to him until he held his heart rate calm and whispered out a ‘thank you’

“Glad I can help” Before you removed your hand from his chest, your fingers brushed the gold chain he always wore, you looped it out from under his shirt. “I like this.”

“Thank you.” He said again, trying to focus on the words and not the soft touch “had it since I can remember.”

“There’s another pressure point…” you said, and took his hand and gently pressed between his thumb and finger, “Just here….”

Your hand paused as the other side skirted his palm and you froze, turning it over and seeing a partially healed burn, still red and sore. “Ouch.”

“Occupational hazard” he said with a wry smile. “It’s fine now, was worse a few days ago” he hummed

“Lemme clean it properly for you. I see plenty of utensil related injuries. My best friend is a chef too, remember. Dont want you to make it worse…”

Of course, fucking Luca. Handsome and a nice guy. What a prick.

He was pretty silent as he you cleaned it for him then you’d insisted on a cream, tracing the cut gently once you’d done “There we go, good as new”

“I like you being here.” He squeezed your hand in a moment of bravery “it’s quieter”

A laugh escaped your lips “No ones ever thought of me as quiet but I’m glad I can help.” You gave him such a lovely, soft smile that he couldn’t help but fall in love with you again.

“I mean in my head.” He said with a laugh “you, uh, y’make it quiet in my head”

Its like you turn down the volume in my head and up the warm brightness, I love you. No one has ever been like this with me. I think I’d fall apart without you. I love you.

You squeezed his hand gently “I’m glad I can do that for you” and he could have sworn he felt it in his chest.

———————————————————————————

LUCA

COPENHAGEN

Luca was barely able to keep the grin off his face. He’d been working on a special dessert just for you, going in early, finishing late, all to perfect this.

The thinnest wafer with a soft caramel creme scooped over centre, topped with a milk chocolate dome. It was a fine dining version of a long since discontinued chocolate bar that you’d loved and he could hear you approach the restaurant kitchen in perfect time.

“Hey! You ready to take off? Film starts in half an hour?”

“Here…I…” He carefully lifted the lid from the plate. “I made something for you!”

“Oh my god this looks amazing!” You stared putting down your bag, as Luca prodded the pouring chocolate towards you. You picked it up and he watched your face completely light up as you poured to reveal the concoction under it.

“Wow…this is so cool!…wait…Is this…” Your eyes lit up when you clocked what had inspired the assembled plate in front of you. “No way! Luca, how did you do this?”

His hands ran through his waves a few times and he crossed muscular arms over his large chest.

“I made it.” He said as if it was a love confession “for you.”

“Oh my god. Okay, I’m going to need you to walk me through it!? This has to be my favourite thing you’ve ever made and I haven’t even tried it yet! What even made you think of this? this is so cool”

Luca grinned and it was the same wicked smile he used to give you when you were younger and he was up to something.

‘Because I love you and you miss it and you look for it in every food store in every country we go to. You think I don’t see you looking but I do. If they won’t bring it back and make you happy, I’ll bring it back for you. Sorry it took so long. I wanted it to be perfect because you’re perfect. I love you’

“You wanna know how I made it?”

Luca gave you that look. He loved it when you asked about his process, you always did but this, the chance to gush about how he created something for you? He could do this all day.

“Course I do!” You spooned a large amount into your mouth and couldn’t stop the sound that escaped your mouth. “Fuck, this is insane. It’s perfect, Luca, oh my god”

“So to get the wafers right, you have to make sure it’s smooth wheat flour, see.” he used a fork to point at the rippled wafer in the dessert, pointing out the waves he’d folded the wafer into. “And I had to match the water at exactly the right about, increase or decrease based on the soaking characteristics of the flour. Took me a couple of gos…to get it exactly like it used to be…first couple it was too dense, the consistency was all off, after that it wasn’t thick enough and would break when I tried to roll it.”

You were looking at him like you were interested as you helped yourself to more.

“And you’re going off memory? For the consistency?” It was impressive being that the bar had been discontinued for about ten years.

Luca nodded, spurred on by how impressed you sounded “yeah I remember them. Super soft, so thin, folded over but with space between each wave…have to do it perfectly or it breaks when you roll it. It’s got to be feather soft.”

“You are such a nerd.” You said, but your eyes were soft and you were smiling at him softly “Go on…” you prompted

He shot a glance up to see you watching as if you couldn’t take your eyes off him, hanging on every word, he often worried he was being a geek or boring when he did this but you looked so engaged.

Luca was grateful you followed that with “how did you make the rest” because if you hadn’t the ‘it’s no problem, I’d give you anything. I love you so much I created this because you miss it.’ was sitting at the back of his throat.’

“The creme caramel was a little bit trickier than your standard, see it’s not got the regular consistency, it’s more dense and it’s closer to a creme than actual caramel.” He took a small scoop with a teaspoon and smeared it across an edge of a plate so you could see it spread thinly, smooth and creamy. “It’s all in the texture. The chocolate is all about the tempering… I wanted the dome to reveal it perfectly no matter where you started your pour, so I made twenty batches and practised so the chocolate would melt and reveal like a curtain pull back rather than just caving in… hold on,”

He got up, left the table and came back with two batches of domes and demonstrated for you, showing you on how the remaining earlier batches, it caved in but on the newer batches the melt was almost like a gravity defying curtain pull up.

Engrossed you watched like it was a magic trick.

“Luca this is…one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.” You said softly “Thank you so much.”

“Does it taste like it did?” He asked the important question.

“You know.” You tapped the fork off the plate “Usually whenever they bring something back, it’s never as good. This…” you ate some more “is so incredible. It’s better. You are a genius! Who else can make desserts based on discontinued chocolate bars from memory alone! You’re so talented Luca, no one deserves this more than you.”

“I wouldn’t be where I am without you, you believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself”

“It’s easy to believe in you when you’re so clearly talented. Is this going on the menu?”

Luca nodded his head “It was meant to be just for you but I think I might…but I’ll still make it for you anytime you ever want it, maybe I’ll call it ‘The [Name]’,”

The smile you gave him was one he’d have given anything to see forever.

———————————————————————————

CARMY

NEW YORK

“Are you fucking kidding me? You think by the time the flight takes off and lands it’d be defrosted.”

You were staring at the departure board at JFK airport, your oversized luggage beside you as you drummed your fingers off the handle- DELAYED- AWAIT FURTHER ANNOUNCEMENT written next to your flight.

Carmy was all too aware of what the snow storm on both sides of the Atlantic meant as he stood beside you wondering if he thought it was wrong of him for hoping the snowstorm engulfing the airport was long lasting enough to ground your flight. He knew his own flight would be delayed too.

‘You’re a selfish mother fucker, wanting her flight grounded, She’ll easily go off and check into some fancy hotel and you’ll be alone and it’ll be what you deserve’

‘Attention all passengers- We regret to inform you flight DAT150846 to Copenhagen is cancelled. Please see our customer relations desk for further communications.’

“Fuck” you whistled and you started typing on your phone, no doubt sourcing alternatives.

“I mean I can get to Esbjerg from Newark but my flight won’t leave until tomorrow and there’s always the risk of the trains being cancelled so that’s one of a hell of an Uber. Which means I’ll get in…” you trailed off, as you attempted to work out the time difference.

‘Don’t go’ he wanted to say. He opened his mouth to say…something, anything but was cut off by the tannoy.

“Further announcement to all passengers travelling on the flight AA113717 to Chicago. This flight has now been cancelled. Please see our customer relations desk for more information.

“Shit that’s your flight, Carmy, they’re both cancelled” the second announcement interrupted your counting. You locked your phone as if it was his announcement and not yours that made your mind up and looked at him.

‘Good’ he thinks back to the Christmases of past, screaming, tension, arguments and yelling, hanging anxiety waiting for all of the above. The mental image of Donna, his mother, locked in her own car, which she’d plowed through the front of the family home a few years back, he thought of the Christmas he worked, where his executive chef chewed him out for…fuck knows, sitting there taking personal jibes after personal jibes, and thought ‘I’d rather spend it with you’

Subconsciously he straightens up, realising he probably should say something.

“It’s okay…I uh, don’t mind, Christmases my way can be…a lot” he shrugged and you understood.

Carmy had, in enough words for you to understand explained that his family, especially around Christmas, were in the most tactful wording; difficult. He didn’t mention them often, you knew he didn’t like taking about them but you knew enough to know it wasn’t usually a fun Christmas for him.

“This might be so weird, I know you’ve got your cousin in the city who you’re probably having dinner with but do you… maybe want to come to the air BnB I’m renting for Christmas. Not expecting you to cook off the clock, we can order in?”

“Michelle left a few days ago.” He said, referring to his cousin leaving for Chicago before the storm blew in, instead of ‘Yes, I’d love that. I’d rather be with you anyway’. Kicking himself internally, he took a breath “I mean…not that changes…” he brought his hand through his wavy hair before he took a breaths

“I’d like that. That sounds…great.”

****

You’d done the best you could, spending the dying hours of Christmas Eve decorating the Air BnB. Carmy had arrived early with a take out breakfast from a deli you loved and you’d spent the morning eating.

Wanting Carmy to open his present first, you passed it over and watched him unwrap it and the realisation slowly settle

“Is this?”

You nodded “Uh-huh.”

Carmy unpacked it from the wrapping and held it against himself. ‘We stopped for less than ten seconds’ he thought to himself as he unfolded the jacket.

“How did you know?” His blue eyes met yours, a curious expression on his face.

“I saw you looking. Remember a few months ago?” The way you said it is was as if it was obvious.

He’d never felt important enough for his sideways glances, one off comments and quick observations to be picked up on. For you to pick up on it…it made him feel special, loved even.

She does not love you, motherfucker. You’re delusional.

It was on one occasion when you’d wandered through the city together in fall. It was in the window of a vintage shop. He’d commented on it, off-hand, that he’d always liked a jacket like that. You’d tried to talk him in to going in and trying it on. It looked like it would be his size but he’d brushed it off in a ‘don’t matter’ type way.

“Yeah I went back that afternoon. Try it on! We can go for a Christmas walk later. Maybe in the park? I had it dry cleaned too”

Carmy didn’t say much for fear you’d think he was crazy or overreacting “Thank you”

You nodded “And I’ve ordered you a bookshelf, it’s only an Ikea one but your cook books are on the floor. Trust me, you’ll thank me.” you noted and suddenly Carmy felt himself relax again and laugh as he passed you over your present for fear he might actually cry from how lovely you were if things didn’t move on.

“Is this the soundtrack?”

You asked as you immediately unwrapped the vinyl, slid it out, squealing when you saw the limited run pressing. It was from one of your favourite 80s movies. “This is amazing, the pressing is beautiful! Thank you.”

“Yeah I watched it….Good movie. I, um, found it in a second hand store. figured you’d…like it.” He averted his eyes from yours, shyly. He left out that it was an online store and he’d spent four hours in an auction before just emailing the seller privately and telling him he’d double whatever the other guy was offering.

“You watched something else other than the cooking channel?” You joked in return, sensing he felt a little awkward about it and wanting to lighten the mood.

“Yeah well…” he looked down and back up, hands through his hair again. “I…wanted to do something nice cause…you’re always…you’re good to me”

Your eyes didn’t leave him for a second.

She’s just grateful. She’s just your friend.

“Nothing less than what you deserve…but thank you. Merry Christmas, Carmy” You leant in and kissed his cheek, only an inch or so from where he wished you’d kiss him.

After you finished your deli breakfast, you’d go for the promised walk in the park, and Carmy wondered if in some other universe, you were doing the same thing but hand in hand rather than side by side. You walked longer than you’d planned and he found himself talking more about that Christmas. Of course you were understanding, non-judgemental and Carmy opened up to you more than he’d ever opened up to anyone; about how he chased a culinary career after Mikey refused to let him work in the family restaurant, the constant panic attacks he had over the current restaurant he worked at and the retaining of three stars that the Head Chef had still found fault with him over and about how sometimes he missed Copenhagen and longed for those days on the houseboat with an imaginary cat and as he usually did with you, he felt lighter.

When you returned back, you collapsed onto the sofa, warm despite the cold air and gestured for him to sit with you

“Put it on one of those cooking shows and tell me how you’d make it better”

You tossed him the remote.

Without saying anything, he turned it on, sat beside you and listened to the sounds of the contestants completing a Christmas Dinner challenge filled the air.

To himself, Carmy wondered if this was the best Christmas he’d had in years, maybe in his adult life.

He knew the answer already.

———————————————————————————

BOTH

It had been several weeks since you’d seen either of them. Luca, he was now back in Copenhagen and Carmen had left for Chicago, having inherited his brothers restaurant, following his suicide.

God, Mikey.

You’d spent four days with Carmy in the immediate aftermath, mostly in silence, making sure he took care of himself. Occasionally he’d share something about Mikey which surprised him more than it surprised you. When it had come to it, you’d asked him if he wanted you to go to the funeral with him as support but he’d refused.

‘Don’t wanna put you through my fucking family’ he’d said. You knew it was an excuse but now was not the time to push.

He’d left for Chicago but told you three days later, he didn’t go in, expecting you to tell him he was pathetic, cruel even, but you’d asked why and then, as you always did, just listened.

****

You’d been in touch with them both over FaceTimes and texts like any other time but this felt different.

Carmy, you’d call when he was on random lunch breaks scattered through the day whenever he had the chance. By the time, his shift was over, he’d be too tired and collapse so you scheduled them as you could. You knew he was trying to work on his late brothers restaurant but knew it was shaping up to be a huge task. He’d been going to the Al-Anon meetings and had been trying but it was you who helped most even when you weren’t there.

He thought about you, when he was anxious about the restaurant, stressed about everything and when he couldn’t cope with thinking about how fucked it was that Mikey, who wouldn’t let him work in his restaurant, had fucking left it to him.

Carmy knew he had to tell you how he felt, maybe he could ask you to come out and tell you how he felt. He opened his phone, typed out a message to you and hit send and then promptly locked his phone in his locker and unsuccessfully tried not to think about it.

****

Luca you’d call at night. It reminded you of when you were both kids and you’d stay up late talking on the phone, whispering and giggling until your parents would tell you to get off the phone. You still made him laugh now as you’d relay some horrible mistranslation at work and try to make him guess what it said and what was meant.

God he missed you, every little thing about you. All he could think, despite having his dream job and living in a beautiful city was how he wanted you.

You were the one consistent relationship he had. Other people had come and gone but you’d been there since the beginning, seen him at his best, his worst and everything inbetween and he didn’t think he could have done it without you. He couldn’t lose you.

Luca unlocked his phone, wrote a message to you and clicked it shut before the read receipt could come up.

———————————————————————————

DECISION TIME

Messages (2)

Luca - “Please come back to Copenhagen, I’m going crazy. It’s not the same without you”

Carmy - “Hey, do you maybe wanna come out to Chicago again? Wanna see you soon?”

“That the two guys that are in love with you?” Your friend said “Right on time.”

You’d just been discussing your relationship with both of them and she’d been so insistent they were both in love with you. A part of you knew but didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“Let’s see your boyfriends.” Your friend pushed

“They’re not my boyfriends” You protested.

“Okay fine. Please let me see the two men competing for you.”

“Fucking hell, they’re not competing for me” Your eyes rolled, as you chucked your unlocked phone at her. “You make it sound like I’m… Bridget Jones or Bella Swan or something”

“I mean… you kinda are, honey.” she flicked through your phone finding a picture of Luca. “Wait. THATS Luca, your school friend Luca? When did that happen?“ She zoomed in “When did he get hot? -And tall! What is he now like…6’3”?”

“Of course it’s the same Luca.” You muttered. “You think I’ve been travelling about with some other Luca?”

“Show me the other guy!” She said excitedly and you rolled your eyes playfully, she was like a teenager sometimes.

“Three photos down”

“Holy shit, he’s got gorgeous eyes.” She noted looking at a photo you’d taken with Carmy “imagine those big baby blues being hard to say no to…and nice biceps too… I bet he could bench press you.” She comments casually and nudges you. “Okay so they’re both hot, so my plan of go for the hot one is out of the question.” She cocked her head.

“That’s not helpful. I don’t know what to do, they’re both great, amazing guys.”

“Which one do you want to bang…” she looked at you “most. Like if you could only sleep with one of them, which one.”

“Really, again, not helpful.”you rolled your eyes and shoved her.

“Okay in all seriousness, put everything out of your mind,” she shushed you before you could protest. “You know who you want, its obvious, just admit it to yourself and go be with him”

You nodded. She was right. She always was

“I need you to drive me the airport.”

———————————————————————————

Choose: LUCA

Your friend grinned at you, as you tapped your card on the machine having bought a ticket on the next flight out and watched as the airport worker wrapped a luggage tag around yours, sending your suitcase off.

“I knew it.” She shook her head “I mean I’m one for a slow burn romance you know me. “But years?”

One of her eyebrows raised “I would say text me when you land but you’ll probably be too busy…” she sighed and gave you a loaded look “God, you’re so lucky…”

“Fuck off” you gave her a shove and then pulling her back for a hug you nodded. “I’ll text you in a few days.”

You sent a text to Luca- “I know, I miss you… you’ll see me soon.” and then a picture of your passport.

****

There he was waiting for you as you arrived. You hadn’t expected it but of course he had.

You couldn’t stop yourself from running over to him and he, without care that you were at the arrivals gate, in an international airport, wrapped his arms around you, leant down, tilted your head up and gave you a long, lingering kiss that was years of ‘I love yous’, years of kisses, years of yearning, years of shared jokes and memories and years of being just you and Luca wrapped up in one kiss.

He could feel his heart beating like it might explode at any minute. He’d resolved himself to just fucking kiss you the next time he saw you. Your response to his message plus how you’d ran to him had confirmed in that very moment that he had to. And here you were, kissing him back.

“I love you.” He said against your mouth, instead of a hello, words whispered so only you could hear them. “I love you. I should have told you sooner. I love you.”

You let go of your case, moving your hand to toy with the hair at the back of his neck, standing on tip-toes to close the gap in height.

“Hi…I love you” you whispered, laughing as he placed his forehead on yours “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“Years, give or take,” Luca gave you an honest look that made you jokingly roll your eyes.

“I meant at the airport.”

He laughed. “Went it quick when I was trying to convince myself that I’d gotten the right idea from your text”

An eyebrow raise from you told him all he needed to know and he kissed you once again

“Definitely no wrong idea. Why do you think I got on the first flight out”

You said breathlessly against his lips before pulling him down for another kiss. His hair was ever so slightly longer, pushed back with a black hairband. He’d worn it like that the first time you’d gone to Chicago with him, he’d left the hairband in after a shift once and you’d commented on how much it suited him.

“I love you so much.” You said to him againz

Realising a large group of tourists had now begun to stare, you separated. Awkwardly he held up a hand and muttered something to them with a wave causing you to burst into laughter.

“Did you just say ‘Welcome to Copenhagen I hope you enjoy your stay’ to the nice group of tourists?”

“How did you know which flight I’d be on?” You said linking your fingers with Luca’s as he picked up your suitcase in the other arm and began walking. It felt so natural to be holding his hand after all this time.

“You always like the mid-morning flight. Remember I booked us on the six am to Venice and I thought you were going to push me out the plane”

You laughed so loudly the large group looked back around causing it to be your turn to hold your hand up in apology.

“Yeah I might have done if you weren’t carrying the passports. Now I think I’m ready for you to take me home” you leant into his side.

****

“Fucking hell.” You whispered half to him, half to yourself. “Luca, that was…”

Any worry about crossing that line was gone, it had been gone when he’d picked you up with one arm, as you entered the place you’d shared in Nyhavn. Mouths mashing together, his teeth pulling on your lip, a whisper ask of ‘are you sure’ as he slid his hand under your shirt, you answering him by sucking on his neck as he held you against him, your legs around his waist

The sudden romantic moment became funny when he’d paused in the hallway and asked “My room or yours?” but you’d never have it any other way.

Luca had been gentle at first, careful. Took his time with you. Laid you down and finished you off with his hands and his mouth, and you were back flat against the mattress, aching for him to fill you. So had reached up and cupped his face, locking your ankles at the base of his back and told him you needed him desperately, that you wouldn’t break. Luca had moaned into you at your encouragement which had only made you ache more. And after he’d let the years of want lead and take over, taking you hard and fast, giving you the best night you’d ever had and drawing another climax from you until you dropped back down on the bed back splayed and hips arched for him to finish deep inside you.

**

“I know. Been thinking about us doing that for a while now…You okay?” He linked your hand with his, without looking. He was still over you, caging you against him.

“You thought about that?” You gently played with his hair.

“All the time” he said casually. “Both that and this”

He was resting on your chest now, planting small kisses across your collarbone, gentle and loving. You felt yourself flush both at the casual sexiness of his statement followed by how sweetly he checked in.

“Luca, talking like that makes me want you again.”

Luca grinned with a sly look on his face “You can have me whenever you like.” He rubbed your hip and squeezed, a silent push to answer the ‘you okay?’

“I’m better than okay.” You ran a hand through his hair playing with the soft waves “are you?”

“Just got all I wanted.” Another kiss to your lips, slowly and sweetly. “I’m on cloud fucking nine”

“It was killing me.” He said quietly after a few moments, drawing patterns over your skin making goosebumps break out “…I know I had no right to be jealous, we weren’t together, I think to me, it felt like we were,”

A small sigh escaped his lips, the breath fluttering against your skin. He’d had a point. Looking back, it had sometimes felt like you were together.

“I saved the time difference in my phone and drove myself crazy when it was night over there…I convinced myself you two were…” he stopped.

“Luca, I promise you nothing ever happened, baby, he’s my friend…but you’re everything to me.”

He lifted his head up to look at you “Good” he said before kissing you on the lips, spare hand coming up to cup your cheek. “You’re the love of my life, you know,” he kissed you again “all this…wouldn’t be the same without you,”

“You’d still have made it…” you kissed him

“Maybe.” Luca kissed you again “but it wouldn’t be the same without you. You’ve seen me at my worst, at my best…and yet you’re still here” he whispered into your neck.

“Always gonna be here babe, it’s you and me,” you traced hands down over his chest.

“You’re the love of my life, darling. You always have been” Luca looked at you with a gaze so full of love it made your heart ache.

“And you mine” you pushed your hands into his hair and placed open mouth kisses against his mouth. “You’re so perfect Luca. So, so perfect”

*

The next morning toys wrote him a new message ‘Jeg elsker dig’ the day after which he stuck just above his work station. One you wish you’d written for him all those years ago. “I love you”

A part of you always knew you did. From when you were teenage best friends, to now, you loved him. Being with Luca now after all this time, was like finally seeing clearly.

You’d make up for all the lost time.

———————————————————————————

Choose: CARMY

You tapped to send a heart over the message Carmy had sent you, knowing he’d be eating himself up if you didn’t reply

“Miss you, Carm…I’ll see you soon I promise” You texted back, hoping he was working and it would be enough to stop him going crazy until you landed.

Your friend walked you to security and squeezed your hand. “I knew you liked him…every time you spoke about him, you got all…” she jokes “I’ve never seen you like that.” She said as she hugged you goodbye “Go get your man!”

****

You hadn’t told him you were coming, wanting to surprise him. He’d given you the address of the restaurant and now as you stood outside the door, you exhaled, taking a breath before you entered.

A pretty blonde woman smiled at you as you did

“Hi! I’m looking for Carmen Berzatto.” You said returning her polite smile

“Are you [Name?] I’m Natalie. I’m Carmy’s sister”

That surprised you “He mentioned me?”

“I got it out of him eventually. You know what he’s like” She then walked to the door leading to the kitchen and stuck her head through “Carmy. You’ve got a visitor”

“If it’s the butter delivery, jus’ sign for it, Sugar, ok?” He sounded frazzled despite it being only the morning.

“It’s not the butter delivery! It’s your girl.” She said clearly not in the mood for messing around.

There was all of a sudden a flurry of voices.

“A girl? For Carmy?” You heard a mans surprise.

“Is it the girl on his phone.” A woman asked

“Jeff’s got a girl?” another woman spoke.

“Let me see.” There was shuffling around and then another man spoke “How the fucks he done that?”

“Cousin, gimme the fuckin’ phone.” You couldn’t help but smile as you heard him, hearing him in person made your heart swell. “How’d you get my password”

“Your passwords 1111, Carmen.”

“I’d say it’s not always this chaotic…” Natalie started turning back to you “but it is.”

Before you could respond you were cut off him, your Carmy, emerging from the doorway. He looked so gorgeous.

Wavy hair that he’d clearly been running his hands through, big blue eyes, strong arms under one of those white shirts and little gold chain peeking out.

“Sugar- what is the…” Carmy stopped seeing you.

“Hi.” His face softened within a second of seeing you although the fear of rejection still lingered in his mind. Why were you here?

He turned back to shout into the kitchen “Alright…gimme, gimme like five minutes okay?” Carmy ushered his sister into the kitchen so you could speak freely

“Why didnt you call me? I’d have picked you up at the airport.” he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry…I wanted to surprise you” you gave him a small smile “Carmy” you spoke as if you know exactly what’s on his mind “I want this…I wanna be with you, like properly be with you.” You paused “And I think you want that too”

Carmy could barely believe it, you in his restaurant, in his home city, surprising him and telling him you wanted to be with him? “Course I do.” He answered quickly “Fuck was I obvious?”

“Being that it took me this long to realise it, I don’t think so.”

“S’alright, I just feel like I’ve gone crazy” Carmen choked out a laugh, still overcome with emotion that you were here. “I thought…”

‘I thought by ‘see you soon’ you meant that in weeks or months from now, you’d visit. I thought you’d go to Luca, your gorgeous, tall, charming childhood friend in one of the most beautiful cities in the world who has it all together. Not me, the fucking colossal fuck up. Surely he’d be your first choice’

His hand ran through his hair again and came to rest over his lips, expecting you to say what was I thinking I’ve changed my mind, see ya.

You took his hand and let him link his fingers with yours, knowing he had a habit of fidgeting with his hands when he was nervous.

“Carmy, I’m serious, this is me choosing you. Over anything, anyone else”

“How the fuck do you do that.” He blinked “Sometimes I feel like…like you’re in my head, or somethin’”

He liked it, he didn’t feel like his heart was going beat out of his chest around you. He could actually breathe and think with you around. Seeing you, here, in his home city, with him…he felt at ease for once, all the worries, all the stress he carried around, felt lighter. It was like you, just by being you, could turn down the sound in his head.

“Cause I know you.” You smiled softly “And I wanna make you happy. You gonna let me make you happy babe?”

He didn’t know how to finish the sentence but with the reassurance, the knowing that you’d wanted him, that you’d chosen him, he felt a surge of confidence and he cupped your face with both hands before he dropped one to your waist holding you against him and the other moved back through your hair pulling your lips to his, connecting the two of you in a passionate, messy kiss. You could feel his taut muscles, toned and firm under his shirt and holding you tight to him easily.

He’d make his excuses and finish early. Richie absolutely revelled in making fun of him for leaving to go get some, telling him maybe it’ll make him less pissy and Sugar was just happy to see Carmy happy again, she’d worried about him but the moment he’d laid eyes on you was the first time she’d seen him smile in weeks.

****

“So fuckin’ amazing.” He said breathlessly, whispering kisses against your neck later that evening “didn’t hurt you did I?” He met your eyes instantly concerned.

“No baby, I loved it” you laughed a little, you were still straddling him, legs either side of him, catching your breath as you played with his wavy hair and planted little kisses on him. “You’re the amazing one, so good baby”

Carmy had barely been able to keep his hands off you since you arrived back at his.

He’d been straight over to you, kissing you, sliding his hands up under your shirt, like he thought you’d disappear or like he wanted to touch you as much as he could incase you changed your mind.

You’d returned his kisses with equal intensity, until you’d ended up in a tangle on the couch. both your shirts discarded and jeans half unbuttoned, with your hands half down each others, touching each other, taking turns drawing moans from the other.

“Just want you” you whispered against his ear. “Only you, Carmy”

You shifted up so had your legs either side of him straddling his waist, when you could feel him under your own heat, hard against you and ground your hips into him, telling him how much you needed him.

He couldn’t wait any longer and shuffled off his jeans and yours, pulling you down to straddle him. After a few more, rotations of your hips, you slid down on to him, biting his shoulder as he stretched you. You went slow at first, teasing him and savouring the sounds he made, with every rotation of your hips. After a few blissful moments, Carmy’s hands found your hips and after a careful look for approval from him, he began moving you up and down at a fast pace, drawing cries of pleasure from you until he came deep inside you after you’d reached your high.

****

“Don’t move yet.” He whispered quietly as if admitting the need for closeness with you would make you disappear, as his hands went to your hips, holding them flush against his own. Despite the firmness of the words, there was still some vulnerability there.

“I’m not going anywhere, you wanna stay like this we can stay like this,” you rubbed your hands over his broad shoulders, still unable to get over how toned his body is.

He rested his head on your shoulder, kissing at your collarbone. “I’m so fuckin’…” he paused and wondered if it was inappropriate to tell someone youre in love them in the immediate aftermath of sex. He wouldn’t know, you’re the first person he’s said it to but he couldn’t stop himself. “I’m fuckin’ in love with you.” He said into your neck.

“Carmen.” You said, the use of his full name making his gaze shoot up to your eyes. For a second he wondered if he’d done something wrong. He was staring at you, those big blue eyes you loved so much, looking at you with pure love.

“Hey…it’s okay…” you kissed him softly, slowly, touching his face in the most tender way, thumb gracing over his cheekbone “I love you too.”

As he exhaled, dropping his forehead to yours, he was for the first time in a long time, not just content but happy.

[madlittlecriminal]

Secret Ingredient Masterlist

Pairing: Mafia!Miguel O'Hara × Female!Baker!Reader

Warnings: not accurate to actual mafia, violence, smut, protective!Miguel, reader's body, hair type, hair color, eye color & skin tone are not described, Spanish translations are rough because my Spanish is mixed with Mexican & Puerto Rican Spanish, so forgive me

Summary: Miguel O'Hara is the leader of the Fangs. He does everything in his power to make sure Nueva York is safe from any harm while also being a successful CEO at Alchemax, while also running his own businesses on the side such as clubs, casinos, and even docks. He wanted to expand though and help out small businesses since he knew it was sometimes hard. Him being him, got the urge to satisfy his sweet tooth in both owning and eating. He couldn't help but notice the little bakery near one of his clubs that was pretty quiet for rush hour. Was it new? He didn't know, but once he stepped in, he was automatically captivated by the delicious aroma and number of different baked goodies that were from all over the world. However, when he saw you, he felt like he was back in high school; a nervous wreck around a girl. Unfortunately, he doesn't mix business with pleasure, so the uncertainty to offer a helping hand with your bakery was weighing on him. The businessman in him says no, but the inner romantic in him says yes. However, the mafia man in him says...both.

MASTERLIST | MIGUEL O'HARA MASTERLIST

INTRO

ONE

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN

EIGHT

———

tags:

@deputy-videogamer @barbiecrocs @deepinballs @faimmm @wakeupr41 @bubblegumfanfics @smartyren @kimmis-stuff @latenightcravingz @youcantseem3 @corpsebridenightamare @thedevax

[theblackfemininesociety]

They'll laugh at you when you're hustling, but praise you when you become a millionaire.

Besties,

I hope this message finds you well and in high spirits. Today, I want to remind you of the importance of trusting the process, even when it seems challenging or others cannot see the vision you hold so dear. Remember, it is not your responsibility to convince others to see what you see; instead, your focus should be on bringing your vision to life.

In pursuit of your dreams and goals, there will inevitably be moments of doubt, discouragement, and frustration. However, I urge you not to give up. Embrace the obstacles as opportunities for growth and channel your energy into making your vision a reality. Believe in yourself, your abilities, and the unique talents you possess. Trust that you are capable of achieving great things.

Sometimes, it may be necessary to isolate yourself from negativity or distractions that hinder your progress. Surround yourself with positivity, inspiring individuals, and like-minded people who believe in your vision. Seek solitude if needed, as it can provide clarity and allow you to focus on what truly matters.

In addition to isolation, consider incorporating fasting into your journey. Fasting is not only a means of cleansing the body but also a powerful practice for strengthening your mind and spirit. It allows you to develop discipline, resilience, and a deeper connection with yourself. When you fast, you tap into a wellspring of inner strength that can guide you through any challenges you may face.

Lastly, but most importantly, never underestimate the power of prayer. Remember that you are a beloved daughter of God, and He is always there to guide and support you. Through prayer, you can find peace, inspiration, and the strength to overcome any obstacles that come your way.

Besties, trust the process and have faith. Keep pushing forward, and never lose sight of the amazing things you are capable of achieving. The world is waiting for you to make your mark, so go out there and shine!

With love and support,

— The Black Feminine Society 💋

It's Time To Expand Our Sisterhood!

Join Our NEW Discord Groupchat: HERE

We made this group so that we can find like-minded women who are on their own journey, We canconnect, inspire and support each other. It's a safe space where we can share our stories, challenges, and triumphs with one another. We believe that by coming together, we can empower and uplift each other to reach our fullest potential.

[sensualnoiree]

astro notes: the trine

The separating trine represents a period of harmony and ease, following the intensity of the square. This phase symbolizes the resolution of polarity and conflict through a state of equilibrium and balance. It is a time to consolidate gains and prepare for the cycle's peak at the opposition. If the challenges from the square were effectively addressed, this phase allows for smooth progress and reinforcement of efforts. However, vigilance is essential to avoid complacency and ensure that the process remains sound. This period is marked by a creative, unresisting flow with universal energies, providing an opportunity to gather insights and strengthen one's position in anticipation of the opposition's culmination.

Mars Trine Mercury

The Mars-Mercury trine creates a smooth and effortless connection between your mental and physical energies. This aspect enhances your ability to think and act with precision and speed, making it an excellent time for projects that require both strategic planning and decisive action. Communication is assertive yet tactful, and your ability to persuade others is heightened. This is a period where your ideas flow easily, and you're able to execute plans with minimal obstacles. The trine's harmonious nature ensures that your actions and words are in sync, leading to successful outcomes.

Mercury Trine Venus

A Mercury-Venus trine brings a natural harmony between your intellect and your sense of beauty and pleasure. This aspect enhances your communication skills, making your words more pleasant, charming, and appealing. It’s an ideal time for socializing, artistic expression, and cultivating relationships. Conversations flow smoothly, with a focus on diplomacy, cooperation, and mutual understanding. Creativity is heightened, making this a great period for writing, art, or any activity that blends intellect with aesthetics. The trine facilitates an effortless connection between mind and heart, promoting peace and harmony in interactions.

Mars Trine Jupiter

The Mars-Jupiter trine combines ambition with optimism, creating a powerful and effortless drive for success and expansion. This aspect encourages you to take bold, confident actions toward your goals, with a strong sense of enthusiasm and a positive outlook. Opportunities for growth, travel, and learning are likely to arise, and you're well-equipped to take advantage of them. The trine's easy energy ensures that your efforts are met with success, often with less resistance than usual. It's a time of significant progress, where your courage and initiative lead to fortunate outcomes.

Moon Trine Saturn

The Moon-Saturn trine fosters a stable and harmonious connection between your emotional world and your sense of responsibility and structure. This aspect promotes emotional maturity, patience, and a realistic approach to dealing with personal matters. It’s a period where you feel more grounded and secure in your emotions, allowing you to handle challenges with calm and resilience. Relationships benefit from a steady, dependable energy, and you may find it easier to commit to long-term plans. The trine supports building emotional foundations that are both strong and enduring, creating a sense of inner peace and stability.

Jupiter Trine Mercury

A Jupiter-Mercury trine enhances your mental faculties and expands your communication abilities. This aspect encourages broad, optimistic thinking, making it an excellent time for intellectual pursuits, learning, and sharing knowledge. Your ability to grasp big-picture concepts is heightened, and you’re likely to communicate with clarity and enthusiasm. This is a favorable period for travel, education, writing, and public speaking, as the trine supports the easy exchange of ideas and cultural experiences. The harmonious energy ensures that your thoughts and words are expansive, positive, and well-received.

Sun Trine Mars

The Sun-Mars trine boosts your vitality, confidence, and ability to take action with ease and purpose. This aspect strengthens your sense of identity and willpower, making it an ideal time for pursuing personal goals and expressing yourself assertively. You’re likely to feel a surge of energy and motivation, enabling you to tackle challenges with enthusiasm and without unnecessary struggle. The trine's harmonious nature ensures that your efforts are met with success, as your actions align seamlessly with your core self. This is a period of productive activity, where your inner drive leads to achievements that feel both natural and fulfilling.

follow for more astro insights like this and head on over to @quenysefields or my etsy --> sensualnoiree to grab my new astrology guidebook on reading your own natal chart :)

[wordsnstuff]

Hello! How are you? I have a question:

Should I focus on what I'm good or what I'm bad at in writing? I like to think that I can write poetic stuff rather well, but I can't write dialouges to save my life. So should I just focus on writing the stuff I'm good at and ignore the rest or should I focus on getting better at dialouges and such?

Leaning into strengths vs focusing on improvement...

I'm very well! Thank you for asking.

I think that this is an important conversation to have with yourself as any sort of artist, and I don't believe that it needs to end with a choice between practicing a skill you could improve at or the sticking to what you're good at.

A writer's brain is a muscle, and as you gain experience honing technical proficiency, you become more informed as to what strengths and weaknesses are apparent in your work. The first step is to examine how you approach different parts of the development of a story. Take the time to observe how you personally think through the process of writing dialogue and how that differs from your process writing poetic prose. Harmony between different parts of your writing process will make writing easier and lead to a more consistent style and quality. Your aim is to bring one skill to the level of another, so until you understand why prose comes more naturally to you, it will be challenging to identify why dialogue doesn't.

Perhaps dialogue requires you to exercise imagination in a way that isn't as consistent with the way you process the world around you. For me, dialogue can be challenging because my inner monologue centers observation and my thoughts occur to me in a more abstract way, leading me to be more adept at skills like articulating metaphors. However, this way of thinking makes it challenging to frame my ideas literally, as you must do to imagine a scenario and then predict a chain of events or interactions between elements. Identifying how your imagination functions organically will help you understand where your ideas come from and why certain ways of expressing them come more easily.

I think it's important to incorporate experimentation and practice into the routine of any art medium that you aim to improve at. Designating specific time to stretch the muscles, experiment with a new exercise, and broaden your skillset will always have a positive effect on your work overall, and when you identify a weaker area it's even easier to focus your time and energy to practice that. Alongside any large project, there should be a separate area for practice and play, because regardless of how skilled or passionate one is, there is always room to learn something new and expand one's ability.

I highly recommend installing time in your writing routine for specifically practicing the skill you are least confident in without pressure to contribute that practice to your primary project. Utilize whatever exercises motivate you. Personally, I like the idea of selecting a simple writing prompt and challenging yourself to write a scene entirely composed of dialogue, but you might prefer to set a short timer and try to imagine and record an organic, simple, and believable conversation between two people about something like choosing a paint color for a kitchen.

Always make time to better your craft. It will always deliver results.

Best of luck,

x Kate

-

Masterlist . Ko-Fi . Patreon

[cyphyree]

Adolescence of Utena -- Architecture x Character Designs

Dunno if I read it from somewhere, but I realized that Utena's new uniform is styled somewhat like the architecture of Adolescence Ohtori, namely how her clothes are black and white (later with red accents) . Whereas Utena stands out in the world of RGU, she blends right into Adolescence Ohtori, almost as if she is a part of the architecture and vice versa.

The movie is also called The *Adolescence* of Utena (or Girl's Revolution Utena: Adolescence Apocalypse), and in the show, we see adolescent Utena wear black and white at the funeral. I think that her wearing this scheme again in the movie is a sort of return to her adolescence. Not to say that she regressed back into the child she was before the show, but more so to represent the child that Utena still is even after maturing. An adolescent is defined as someone roughly between 10-19; Utena is still a teen who's growing in this age range.

That said, Adolescence Ohtori seems to be an architectural representation of Utena's inner child/self. Like a mindscape of sorts. At the end of the movie, both she and Anthy would leave the mindscape of their adolescence and enter into the unknown "outside world" of adulthood.

Red is associated with the Rose Bride, ie Anthy. Before meeting Anthy for the first time in the show, Utena's clothing was absent of red (her child funeral dress); however Utena's RGU uniform afterwards would have red accents.

Similarly, Utena's Adolescence "boy" clothing doesn't have red, but her "prince garb" after meeting Anthy does.

Speaking of, if we continue seeing Ohtori as Utena's mindscape, the deep red of the Adolescence rose garden is like the part of Utena's mind that Anthy occupies. The tower where the girls draw is also Anthy's domain, as it's draped in red.

Even other black-white architecture of Ohtori is accented with red--Anthy has always been present in Utena's thoughts, even if subconsciously.

Alternatively, red in Ohtori could represent Anthy's mindscape "overlapping" with Utena's. Anthy is still wrestling with leaving Akio after all, and after the events of RGU, it would make sense that she and Utena share "spaces"/experiences/solidarity.

Anthy's Rose Bride dress also more closely resembles Utena/Ohtori's aesthetic (white, red with black accents), and we only see her transform into that when she is with Utena. It seems to signify that Anthy has become more familiar/recognizable to Utena, as her Rose Bride dress visually brings her closer to Utena, more so than her generic mint-green uniform.

When Utena first meets Anthy in Adolescence, a light flurry of rose petals fall from the garden above, crossing from Anthy's domain into Utena's-- they are beginning to cross each other's paths again. During the dance in the garden, a much heavier shower of roses blanket the school architecture below, as if Utena and Anthy's connection has now become much stronger. From then on, Utena would try to create a genuine bond with Anthy (as we see during the drawing session)

Alternatively, it could also signify a progression towards Anthy taking the spotlight when she and Utena decide to leave the school for good:

Near the end of Adolescence, we are back in Anthy's rose garden, we see the chairman's tower (associated with Anthy and Akio), and everything is washed in purples and reds-- Anthy's colors. Utena's black/white structures are now absent. From here on out, Anthy is going to drive (heh) the story forward.

I wanna talk about the architectural styles of Ohtori, but that'll be its own post once I do a bit more research. I wanna expand on some differences such as:

Adolescence- constructivist, Russian Revolution, industrial, "masculine"

Show- neoclassical/rococo? French Revolution, floral/decorative, "feminine" -- perhaps Anthy's mindscape in a way.

Anyway this was supposed to be a bullet point list of miscellaneous stray thoughts, but I guess that's impossible, so I'll just eventually write more individual utena thoughts posts lol

Please feel free to tell me what you think btw!

There's also another post by @nothing-suspicious-in-there about Utena's uniform that's a completely different take, please check it out!

[stu-dyingstudent]

Sakura Haruno fic recs: ANBU

AHHHH!!!! I love ANBU fics, especially when they involve Sakura. It was such a cool concept, which was unfortunately never fully expanded upon. However, our lack of knowledge regarding the shadow corps allows for some really cool fic ideas since authors can take creative liberty on the structure and workings of the division.

In my opinion, Sakura had the most potential out of team 7 to join ANBU (at least more than Naruto). It's all about being discreet and efficient and although she wasn't strong during og, she possessed abilities that would be valuable for this. Her clever mind, chakra control, and genjutsu potential would've made her a good fit. Naruto was too flamboyant and Sasuke was too reckless and cocky, but this is just my take. However, with her new skill set from her training with Tsunade, I don't think she would be able to go down that path anymore.

Started: 2024.08.06

Last Updated: 2024.08.29

note: feel free to check out my master list which has a bunch of Sakura Haruno fic recs (all organized)!

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Masks by mads999 || ao3 || kakasaku || E || canon divergent || complete

1. Sakura's Inner is far more diabolical than anyone ever expected 2. Crows prove to be cruel mentors 3. Sakura comes to learn exactly how much she hates Kakashi (as well as how alike they are, in the most terrible of ways)

Kakashi is a hateful turd and Sakura is spiteful! I hate this ship and I'm not a big fan of Kakashi here, but boy is this fic good. One of the best character developments I've read for Sakura and she certainly becomes of force to be reconned with. The ANBU lore in Masks is absolutely phenomenal and I love the whole system that is put into place as it adds for some drama (lol). Also, can we talk about how awesome crow summons are????

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Five Kingdoms for the Dead - Evil Is A Relative Term || ffn || M || canon divergence || complete

After the Forest of Death, Sakura comes to realize that being weak is no longer an option. However, she finds that change is sometimes painful and that truth doesn't always come easy. Luckily, she'll have some help along the way.

It's been a while since I've read Five Kingdoms for the Dead, but I just remember it being absolutely great! I'll be honest, I found a lot of the mind stuff pretty confusing at times, but it was still enjoyable. Also, some great characters are utilized in this fic such as Neji, Sai, and Itachi. Makes me really wish that we saw more of Sakura and Neji working together in Naruto since I think they compliment each other quite well.

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Trials of Change - Espoiretreves || ao3 || gen || time travel AU || complete

Haruno Sakura made a promise. Looking in the eyes of her Shisou and the reanimated Hokage, she took on the most important mission of her life. Go back in time and try to prevent the 4th Shinobi War. Now, Sakura is back to her 5-year-old body, with all the knowledge and haunting memories of the future. She vows to keep her precious people safe and stop certain events from happening, without altering the timeline too much. The trials her emotions and logic put her through have her questioning her very existence, but for the sake of peace, she has to push forward. No matter what.

Trials of Change is actually apart of a time travel series and I have to say that it is probably one of the best of the genre! Now, Sakura is not in ANBU here, but she works very closely with team Ro (Kakashi's ANBU team) and it's a huge part of the story, so I'm choosing to count it anyway. I really adore all of the worldbuilding and backstories going on here in addition to the fact that there are breaks. Yes, the story keeps moving, but there are other things going on, like playdates, and not just Sakura trying to save the world. Also, if you love Shisui then definitely check this out since he has a huge role and his and Sakura's friendship is just so precious.

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bite me and see, said the fly to the spider - MirrorImage003 || ao3 || itasaku || T || non-massacre AU || ongoing

In which Sakura is not initially a part of Team 7. In which she wears her failures like armor and brandishes her fears like her most trusted weapons. In which I do what hundreds of other authors have done before me, and rewrite Sakura's story. Non-massacre AU. Canon Divergent. Slow-burn.

After Sakura's first team, consisting of the graduating class's "expendables," dies, she joins team 7 and faces backlash along her shinobi journey. Sakura doesn't join ANBU until the later chapters so fair warning that there isn't too much content in that regards (unless it updates). Nonetheless, Sakura views ANBU as vital to her career as it offers her the highest clearance she can get. Gaining her opportunities for information her civilian-born status didn't allow her privy to.

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The Sixth Shadow - thinknicht || ao3 || kakasaku || M || canon divergent - eventual time travel AU || ongoing

No one seemed to find it odd when little Haruno Sakura threw herself smack dab in front of a Chidori and Rasengan. Not even Kakashi stopped to wonder.(He really should have.)

The story of how Sakura came to be the sixth hogake despite all of the challenges thrown her way. I especially love Sakura's drive in addition to the political aspects. However, be warned that Kakashi is an absolute HATER (in the beginning), but he gets better! The Sixth Shadow is extremely long and I only just recently got to Sakura's introduction to ANBU, so I can't say too much in that regard.

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Daughter of Fire - justjstuff || ao3 || kakasaku || E || canon divergence || incomplete (maybe ongoing)

Sakura got up and didn’t bother brushing the dirt from her dress. She had a feeling she was about to get even dirtier.She looked at the memorial stone one last time, memorizing the characters without even realizing she was doing it. It would serve from that moment on as a reminder of her determination. She wouldn’t let Naruto and Sasuke join the names carved on that stone.That was her nindo.

Sakura's growth throughout Daughter of Fire is great and realistic all while pointing out aspects from the original series which were flawed and dare I say misogynistic. I struggled a bit in the beginning to justify her abilities, but overall the story is really well done and the ANBU aspects are quite intriguing.

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cut the head off the snake - itsthechocopuff || ao3 || T || time travel AU || complete

when eighteen-year-old, post-war Sakura is thrown back into her tiny, pre-Academy body, she makes a decision. she'd had a childhood once already, and this time, she's more interested in Not Dying when the inevitable shit hits the proverbial fan. so she will work harder, care less, kill more, and smile when she's done.and hey, if she ends up reviving an extinct nature transformation to attract the most corrupt, power-hungry man from her timeline, all the better for her, right?

Such a unique take on a time travel AU and Cut the Head Off the Snake executes it perfectly. Sakura decides that her first order of business is to infiltrate ROOT and that's exactly what she does. Sai, Shin, and Shisui are all great characters and team Ro is present as well. Very good!

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Flowers - Idunmy || ao3 || E || kakasaku || canon divergence || ongoing

Flowers only bloom just before they wilt When Sakura loses her fight against Ino in her Chuunin exams, she questions her ability to ever become a kunoichi, too weak to protect herself, let alone her village One wrongful promotion later and Sakura gets a second chance in the shape of a mysterious new teacher who against all odds is willing to put her faith in a young girl with potential and a willingness to fight. Or- a fix-it inspired fic where Sakura grows to be the powerhouse she was destined to become.

Flowers is a newer series (which has recent updates) and I love it! Critiques are made towards the medical ninja training, which I believe needed to be discussed and it's refreshing to see. In most ANBU fics I've read, Sakura is immediately put onto the strongest team, but here it's a bit different. She begins on a demolition squad, which not only suits her skill set quite well, but is a realistic approach to how she would be introduced to the corps. Anyway, it's one of my favorite reads at the moment and I really like where the story is going.

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names. - waterpllar || ao3 || T || gen || canon divergence || complete

There are no names or faces in ANBU. Everything is designed to be strictly formal, efficient and professional. A recently orphaned Sakura, however, learns that some regulations aren't meant to be followed, and finds a place in Team Ro after being shunned from her former teammates. (fic prompt from anon on tumblr: orphaned sakura in anbu with yamato, genma, and team ro.)

AHHHH poor Sakura. After her parents' death Sakura seeks Tsunade's help out of desperation to become useful. Under recommendation, Sakura's new goal is to make it into ANBU.

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Equinox - FM_White || ao3 || itasaku || M || anbu AU || complete

ItaSaku (Post Uchiha Massacre) AU: Climbing through the ranks of Konoha, Sakura finds herself with the invitation to join ANBU and a chance to learn from one of the most renowned and legendary ninja in the world. Despite her efforts to grow stronger however, she finds the world isn't as black and white as it looks and that some truths are easier to hide than others.

I don't remember Equinox very well, but I love most works by this author sooo. Anyway, Itachi stays in Konoha and instead it's Sasuke that goes rougue. Sakura, Naruto, and Shikamaru are newly joined ANBU members and all placed on a team with Itachi and things go from there.

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stars in our eyes as we dream of the heavens (the gods walk among us, sweet child, do not forget) - snickiebear || ao3 || kakasaku || T || age-swap AU || oneshot complete

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto whispered, staring at his teacher, horror plain on his face. “You’re married?” Lazily, Kakashi looked down at his gloveless hand where his ring rested, “It would appear so.”

Sakura is born in the same generation as Kakashi and turns out as a badass ANBU married to him. This is super wholesome as it's a lot of the two of them bonding with Kakashi's genin team (Sai makes three) in an effort to help them out. It's a series so you can read more of the events taking place prior to the fic.

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Anachronistic Drift  - Elesrea  || ffn || gen || T || time travel AU || incomplete

Her plan was flawless. Save Shisui. Save the world. Time-travel, Sakura-centric AU

Sakura spends years training to be sent back in time and save the world from Sasuke. She isn't in ANBU, but rather poses as one in order to keep an anonymous status on her doings both in and out of the village.

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Sakura - lilac haze || ffn/ao3 || M || minasaku || time travel AU || complete

AU. Non-Canon. Time Travel. Please see inside for full warnings. Cross posted on Ao3. On his deathbed he was granted eternal peace and place to rest for all of time. Of course that was not appealing to him. Ever unpredictable to the end he had a counter offer. One that the Sage had to consider. In which Sakura's going to have a rough time. A really rough time.

Sakura is probably one of my all time favorite fics because the emotions are just spectacular. The story is pretty heavy on ANBU and ROOT aspects, which I always enjoy, but I wouldn't say it's a major focus. However, there is an emphasis on the unfair treatment towards kunoichi. Anyway, the characterizations and storytelling are beautifully done. Please share this author some love.

Check TWs before hand!!

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Hope y'all enjoy these recs, and please feel free to send me some if you have any!!!! I really appreciate when you do :)

[haza8877]

A brief overview of your love path in 2024

Hello everyone, these days I've been quite busy, and now I'm back. I've been thinking a lot about topics for readings. And then, I thought I would do a short love reading first. So, I decided to do this reading, hope you all will like it. Consider this reading as entertainment and don't take it too seriously. I wish you all enjoy it.

Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3

Pile 1

(the star, 8 of pen, knight of wands, 3 of swords, ace of pen, ace of wands, oracle cards - house 8, house 11)

I sense that you are putting a lot of focus on your work. You are enthusiastic and hopeful about a bright future, and what I perceive is that you are dedicating much time and attention to a specific job, project, or idea that you are currently involved in. Mainly, I see that you are concentrating on work, a project, or a particular idea rather than romantic relationships. However, I can see that this year, you will encounter a person who is younger, or regardless of their age, they radiate youthful, dynamic energy. They are proactive, creative, full of ideas, and carry the energy of a Fire sign. They're pretty hot, haha. But please consider carefully, as when you come together with them, there will be a lot of attraction and passion between you (both physically and emotionally). However, they may trigger some of your deep-seated wounds, the ones you have long forgotten or buried. When this person appears, these wounds may resurface. Perhaps the universe has arranged for both of you to meet so that you have to deal with these wounds that cannot be avoided. It seems to be challenging, but facing and overcoming these wounds is inevitable sooner or later. You should understand that confronting these wounds is the key to moving forward into a new chapter of life. The universe often reserves rewards for courageous warriors. I sense that the relationship between you and this person will be intense, full of various emotions. They will help you discover new aspects that you might not have thought about. I am not sure where this relationship will lead, but it will undoubtedly transform many things, and perhaps it will upgrade you into a new version, expanding your relationships and connections with different communities. It will be fascinating.

Pile 2

(the tower, the star, ace of swords, 3 of pen, 5 of wands, knight of pen, oracle cards - yin)

I feel like those in pile 2 have gone through an extremely challenging period, where everything came suddenly and turned your life upside down. Currently, I sense that you are doing better and full of hope for this year, perhaps seeing it as a year to start anew. I feel that those of you in this pile need to clarify your desires more; if you are in a relationship, be candid about what you want from the other person, your thoughts about them, your emotions, etc. If you are still single, be honest with yourself about what you truly need in a person. Like, ask yourself how you want to accompany someone? What will you learn from them? Are you ready to accept risks, competition when being with them or not? Moreover, with the oracle card, I feel you should enhance your feminine energy, which is not related to your biological gender. Regardless of your gender, inside you always have both masculine and feminine energy. Connect with your inner world, with your intuition, and trust it. You can spend time walking in nature, if you live in urban areas with few trees, you can do activities like painting, knitting, playing with pets, meditation, planting a small pot of plants, or having an evening tea and reading a book. There are many ways to enhance your feminine side. In general, create a clear and authentic model for yourself. After you know what kind of partner you want, someone will enter your life. They might be someone who knows what they want, with certainty and caution, someone patient and devoted, exuding the energy of an Earth sign.

Pile 3

(page of pentacles, 9 of swords, 6 of wands, page of cups, the fool, the devil, oracle cards - scorpio)

I sense that the energy of those in pile 3 is quite exhausted; you may be facing some psychological or health issues, experiencing headaches, insomnia, stress, etc. I feel that you are practical individuals, always contemplating before deciding anything, seeking safety and certainty. However, I also sense that you are still inexperienced, somewhat naive, so sometimes you place your trust in the wrong places or make choices that don't lead to the expected results. But what I sense about the energy of love for you in 2024 is 'freedom,' yeah, a fresh energy, like a rebirth, gentle, uplifting, and free. I'm not sure if you will meet someone this year or not, but I think the core energy of your love is freedom, exploring yourselves. After heavy days burdened by pressure, suppressed emotions, I see that you will want to experience fun dates, not too serious in terms of commitment, just looking for new experiences. Perhaps you want to travel somewhere, where these journeys help you understand yourself better. You may also feel a desire to be more creative. Well, it sounds like you will be dating yourself this year, hahaha. Maybe among you, some will date someone, they may be younger than you or around your age. They are emotional, vibrant, carefree, and enjoy experiencing things. They may have the soul of an artist. If you and they progress in the relationship, there will be a lot of physical passion, intense emotional relationships. They bring a different energy than what you have thought, opening up new experiences for you, and you will be carefree and free like a child. However, since the reading doesn't clarify whether this relationship has a long-term commitment or not, let everything flow naturally and don't expect too much. Whether you meet someone this year or not, I sense that when you overcome the psychological difficulties, liberate yourself, 2024 will show you how beautiful and free your soul is. Explore yourself; you can be cautious, but don't worry too much about new things. Listen to the emotions from your heart, let your soul be like clouds, and you will see the vast sky.

Thank you all for watching my reading; I hope you enjoyed it. I also apologize for not being able to answer all the questions in the previous mini tarot game section, but rest assured, I will answer all of you remaining. Thank you for your support.😘💖💖💐💐🌸🌸 

[soberpluto]

Astrology of Personality: Planets in 1st House

Brainstorm on the influence of planets in your 1st house!

Sun: You are outgoing, warm, gentle. People see you as bright and bubbly, a natural leader. But you can seem overly proud or arrogant at times. You are transparent and very coherent with how you present yourself to the world. What you see is what you get. You lead with example. You inspire others from your core. A lot of vitality and vigor. You are in charge of your own life. A lot of self-love and self-esteem as you grow older. You are brave, loyal and generous. Image reflects your amazing will-power and authenticity. Can have a nice and chiseled upper back and strikingly beautiful hair.

Moon: Can't hide your emotions. High intuition, even psychic abilities. Others can see the depth of your feelings, like it or not. Your presence is soothing, compassionate, kind and nurturing. Your physical may go through a lot of changes, as your body is tightly connected to your feelings. Your inner world may be overwhelming, and it can stir your life out of control. Sensitive and healing to others. May be an empath, someone who can read your surroundings and be affected by them profoundly. A very loving and feminine presence, no matter your gender. Can give large breasts (if female obviously) or a curvy or plump body type.

Mercury: Others see you as talkative, witty and interesting to be around. They consider you highly smart, a smooth communicator. May need to travel or move constantly and change continuously to feel alive. You engage life through your brains. Leadership comes from your mind. You conduct yourself through thought, logic and reason. A very curious and restless persona. You can be easily distracted, be hyperactive and eager for endless stimulation. You may be passionate about learning. Can be very popular and have a wide range of friends and acquaintances. Mercury here usually gifts high intelligence, an attractive smile and slender limbs.

Venus: A very charming and gentle personality. You are quite pleasing to be around. Physical beauty is given almost by rule. You attract others so easily. Can be way too compliant, with people-pleasing tendencies, however. Others are eager to help you or be around you. You may be very appealing to and popular with the opposite sex. Likes to draw attention through aesthetics, fashion and makeup. Your presence is very soothing and enjoyable. You may get judged on your appearance a lot. Can be subject to envies and jealousy more easily than other people. You can have a very sultry or charming voice. Your body can be that of a sex icon. Very creative and self-expressive too. Relationship oriented. Music and art will be of special importance.

Mars: Go getter. Sex is on your face. You are someone who has an inexhaustible amount of energy. Military, exercise and sports definitely will catch your attention. May be a bit of a bully too. A dominant and masculine aura. You appear as very energetic, adventurous, assertive and sometimes aggressive. You may suffer from cuts and burns. You are competitive by nature. Very vigorous health and long-lasting stamina. You engage the world through instincts and desire. Can be quite confrontational and irritable. You have a pioneer spirit and will hardly back down from fights. Super independent. Red is your best color.

Jupiter: A humorous and candid person. You are recognized by your sense of justice, ethics and high morals. Can be disorganized with or unbothered by physical appearance. You are seen as good-willed and kind. Can have issues with gaining weight. Can suffer from health ailments due to lack of limits. You hate restriction and need to expand, travel and find your own truth. You love learning and others see you as a teacher, a guru. Your vibe is altruistic and charitable. You may have really aesthetic feet, buttocks and/or legs. You love comfortable clothes. You are pulled to other cultures.

Saturn: Firm and resistant body. You are seen as serious, diplomatic and very mature. You are the adult in the room even when being a child. Maturity comes much easier to you. You are responsible and dedicated to hard work. Others may see you as detached and cold at times, even unemotional. You can be shorter than average, but with elegant facial features. Your teeth may be really attractive, which gives you a great smile. High cheekbones. You may feel life is tougher on you than on others, but with time, you succeed because of your patience and constancy. You like sober, solid and/or traditional looks.

Uranus: You are often misunderstood because you are ahead of your time. People see you as disruptive and unpredictable. You need a lot of stimulation, change and independence to feel happy. Others see you as a rebel, someone who's not afraid to speak their truth and do as they please. Very stubborn and liberal. You can strike others as a genius, a very brilliant person. However, you can also appear as unstable and unable to root. Your outfits or makeup can be really quirky, unique and eccentric. You may become bored quite easily. You may wish to live abroad or be subject to wanderlust.

Neptune: You have a gentle and spiritual presence. Psychic capacity. You absorb your environment like a sponge. You are a chameleon. Nobody actually understands you. You may feel lonely or alienated at times. Others project fantasies unto you and feel you have deceived them once they realize that's not who you are. Very empathetic and sensitive by nature. Your sixth sense is very lively. You dream for the perfect physique. It may be hard for you to have realistic expectations about yourself. You are seen as an enigma. Your aura is otherworldly and magical. People may complement your eyes a lot because they have a dreamy spark. Can have the ability to "see" things beyond the physical realm.

Pluto: A powerhouse. Super sexual. You are very threatening or magnetizing to others, even if you don't intend that. You appear as overly secretive, mysterious and intriguing. You move cautiously and don't give too much information about yourself. You are so passionate, to the point of being obsessive. You are very resilient and recover from crisis much quicker than others. Your strength and courage are your trademark. You may be subject to power struggles. You command a room with your presence. Can have scars or birth marks in the face. Others may think you are darker or more dangerous than you truly are. You discover everyone's secrets. Others want to know you but they are afraid of you. You destroy or extra-limit your body to become a new version of yourself. Addicted to physical changes or interventions. Your eyes say it all. Your gaze is powerful and heavy. Extremely resistant health.

*No single placement in astrology can determine your overall profile and life tendencies, but the first house is a good starting place to understand what you are made up, as its the house of appearance, self-image and projected personality.

Hope you liked it and thanks for reading! 🥰🪐🌟