#have never enjoyed it.... ive never had a healthy relationship with food due to my childhood and i doubt i ever will tbh

[zarovich]

trying not to have a panic attack lol

[floralkittygambler]

HuskerDust - More Toxic Than You Think [LONG]

This is the rough version of a deeper and more complex subject I want to ‘decorate’ with more ‘screencaps’.  DISCLAIMER: This is allegedly controversial and led to me getting literal death threats and an ED triggered. Ive about heard a lot of people’s shit on this so dont try it. I’m speaking from personal experiences too - experiences I really fuckin dont wanna be sharin yet they kinda validate my points. I want people to be aware of the damaging image from someone who can speak from experience without attracting dickheads or people twisting things. Again, I aint particularly comfortable sharing this so yeah- Be courteous- TW AHEAD - ALSO LONG ASS READ. DNI STANS OR ANTIS. May tag a few folks, may not.  HuskerDust is an extremely popular ship in the community however there’s glaringly obvious flaws in this one-sided relationship that both the fans and even the team fail to see. Neglecting the dangerous real world implications this ship [as well as many others] present to it’s audience - especially the more influenced of the audience, most who are children.

Angel flirts with all the male cast however one who catches his eye the most is Husk. Now I want to point out a few things [of many... obviously]; Angel is instantly starry eyed upon seeing Husk, likewise he actually started off with a ‘Hey~’ instead of something sexual. However he quickly ruins this after Husk tells him to go fuck himself [defined by: “ go fuck yourselfphrase of fuckVULGAR SLANGan exclamation expressing anger or contempt for, or rejection of, someone.” ie, he rejected instantly] by responding with an offer to allow Husk to essentially watch him masterbate. Alongside this, he cradles his face. Husk pulls away and seems to pull a face to express rage/disgust or growling imagery alongside COMPLETELY withdrawing his body away from Angel as Angel stares with goo-goo eyes. Firstly, Angel loves animals - perhaps it’s Husk appearing cute that adds to this, however Im not going to address animal imagery just yet. Secondly, Angel isn’t really portrayed to respect other’s boundaries BUT he does respect... Alastor’s. Al declines the blowjob to which Angel shrugs and doesn’t push this matter any further. With Husk, he’s pretty harshly told to piss off yet he makes quite and explicitly sexual remark, alongside invading his personal space and touching a man clearly disinterested and pulling away. From the initial rejection, it then becomes sexual harassment.  I also want to add that Husk comes with [some] perks in his feline form. And if my name didnt make it obvious, I work with and live with cats on a daily. Briefly, I have been educated in how to understand cat’s language in various individual cat as well as how to handle and work with them. Cats are often drawn towards me and Ive been successful with various types of cats. My most recent being a cat I’ve dubbed as Big - Big was abandoned quite young and has lived most his life on the streets [where I live is high in crime and drug rings, so you can imagine how strays are treated] leading to him being extremely fearful and hating people, hissing and fleeing just seeing people. I took time out last summer to finally give befriending him a shot. It’s taken just under a year of hard work and now he visits every day for his mush [wet food] and kisses, responds to his name and runs up to me in delight. Ive even taught him a phrase to signal that I dont want him or the other cat’s to fight [keeps them all safe and aids them becoming acquainted under supervision - something that’s been working surprisingly well]. I apologise in advance as this is not going to be the first instance of this sort of thing but they are relevant. Trying my best to keep it as brief.  For Husk, I will be using a mix of cat and human characteristics to break down his reactions.  In this first interaction, he turns his body away in a way to suggest caution, wariness and disinterest. In fact, much of his general body language is that of a man deeply closed off from connections - for starters, he folds his arms quick a bit which suggests lack of openness, shutting off and defensiveness *usually*. Likewise, when touched, he slightly jumps and tenses before pulling back in aggression with flattered ears - a sign cats give to display extreme hostility in a situation. It’s NEVER a good thing but then again, neither is crossing someone’s boundaries. It’s even stated that Husk hates Angel’s advances and wishes for nothing to do with him - the same dislike of sexual advances that Al dislikes in Angel. The ending as they all walk inside, Angel turns to Husk, winking and blowing a kiss his way despite the clear rejection earlier. In fact, Husk once again grows tense and is even irked by such a gesture. This won’t be the last mention of Angel totally disregarding how Husk feels - something that rubs off onto the fans AND the team themselves. And it’s... *concerning*, to phrase it lightly. Angel so far is the most persistent towards the most resistant, and in my post on RadioDust I have already established [briefly] on how Angel seems to chase unavailable men. The more unavailable, the more tempting. The one that got away, mentality. It’s not healthy. And I’m surprised so few have acknowledged this. Taking a break from what we’ve seen in the Pilot, let’s establish some facts about the pair.  Angel died in 1947 in his 30s [some posts specify 34-35], putting his birth year around 1911-12ish. Husk died in the 70s IN his 70s [again, nothing is truly specified, so for both we’ll go with 75 - the same number in his IG username] that puts birth year roughly 1900′s. Now an age gap between two adults of 11 - 12 years difference is actually reasonable and can work, depending on circumstance and whether theres a balance in power or not. But when we account for their life experiences and death ages, it’s something else entirely. Angel died young. Not only that but his mind seems more stuck in his raunchy teens than of an adult. And even THEN, he wouldnt be one to necessarily settle down [by which I mean in life, not romance]. He’s extremely emotionally stunted and his selfishness and wanting his own way come off very spoilt [when Husk is pissed off about the cat costume, Angel gets moody because he’s used to compliments AND is dressing to impress Husk. When Husk wanted the money he was rightfully owed, Angel threw a fit for ages until starting to earn it back - even though he owed Husk a drink, which I’ll be coming back to, Husk still wanted the money in the end perhaps hinting to only accepting a freebie as it’s on offer as well as Angel being overly persistent. He even dumps his pig onto Husk to look after, while theres no issue in pet sitting, Angel said Husk ‘owed’ him due to missing the show yet when HE owed Husk, he threw a fit.]. Angel’s life style is wildly chaotic in life AND death, and even though we all know he’s most likely going to be redeemed, he still lacks a lot of experiences in life. He lacks maturity.  On the other hand, Husk’s been through his own share of chaos and heartbreak. Difference is, he’s had a life time of experience. He doesn’t act immature in a childish sense. He truly behaves like a downtrodden old man. He’s had his days and would feel more secure settling down in a more peaceful environment with fun yet much needed calm. A better way to handle his need for risk. Age gaps in adults that are large [75 - 35 = 40 years!] are far less likely to work for a multitude of reasons. The main reason is the difference in life stages - that difference in mentality and experiences plays such an impacting role on compatibility. Often their goals and energies are polar opposites and their common grounds minimal. There’s also the looming concern of power dynamics. Whilst it’s usually the older figure that’s holds the power advantage, in this case it’s a little bit more complicated. I’d argue that it’s possibly Angel with the higher power. This rarely works irl but it’s POSSIBLE. Look at Hugh Heffner and his last partner before his death. I believe she was around 22. However there’s many common grounds, immediate attraction, and similar goals. Though incorrect, Heffner does give off a pimp-like vibe (he’s not but you get what I’m implying with mothlike imagery). Husk does not strike me as that type. It would definitely cheapen his character. In terms of interests, the main thing they have in common is that they like to drink. A bad habit, especially when one is an alcoholic. Both are also rather lazy except for certain circumstances [Husk will go out of his way to help HOWEVER he’s obliged to under Al, the only one he’s seen to willingly help and bond with/be seen with is Niffty. Angel is when there’s a fight, chaos, drama or any sex work]. Both are also rather snarky and vulgar. In terms of love, both suffer intimacy issues. On Husk, it’s ‘losing the ability to love a long time ago’ meaning he was likely cheated on or at least had a failed relationship. If he was ever ready for a new start, he’d definitely want something stable yet rewarding. For now, he needs a LOT of work - work he is not yet willing to put in, nor does he have a reason to. Angel doesnt want to commit because he’s extremely selfish as well as in an already abusive ‘relationship’ already. Sex work is sometimes VERY taxing on the mental health due to some of the folk you service. He’s seen the worst in many and just enjoys the pay and fuck. IF Husk was cheated on, then it’d make a lot of sense if a sex worker wouldn’t be his flavour, it would just serve as a reminder. Not only this, but Angel HIMSELF actively participates in cheating. Not with Val... but with *Travis*. BOTH know Travis is married (I’d be feckin worried if Trav didnt-) yet they still choose to cheat anyways, regardless of the pain it could cause. Angel even mocks this by sending greetings to Trav’s wife. Honestly this... Reminds me a LOT of Stolas - a main character who sexually harasses another character clearly not interested/comfortable, participates in cheating and we’re supposed to root for them (and before anyone gets offended, I do have more to say on Angel’s behalf so please be patient). Either way, it’s very toxic and concerning. Even if Husk wasn’t cheated on, I dont think many would feel exactly secure after having such a rough past with love, diving into a relationship with someone who’s openly participated in multiple affairs. And that’s no shitting on sex workers either, it’s just a point that some would feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with ANYONE (regardless of their work) having actively and KNOWINGLY took part in having an affair previously - especially multiple. Husk’s in an emotionally fragile place and needs more security. We’ve already established Husk heavily dislikes Angel’s advances. In fact, his responses to Angel are similar to his responses to... Al! His body language is VERY test and closed off to even Al, who’s most likely knew him for a very long time. If even Al gets this treatment (whilst also disrespecting his boundaries) then it’ll be the same with Angel (both force Husk into their lives and schemes, both disregard his boundaries). And he’s shown to STILL go out his way to help both however this is most likely tied to an unspoken ‘debt’ he owes Alastor. Plus he’s been mentioned behind the scenes to be a secret softie and protective grandpa type. But this animosity is very reflective of how Loona behaves and responds to Blitzo as well as how both Loona AND Husk (One being a ‘lowly servant’, the other being a literal old MAN) as pets - even the fans - just because of their forms. But this isnt the first of the disrespect they receive. Now we delve deeper Both are addicts of some kind (Husk - drinking, gambling. Angel - Drugs, possibly sex). Not a good mix at all romantically. Addicts often and unintentionally feed their addictions to each other as well as can increase likelihood of relapsing which even a recovered addict can slip back into. When times get tough (a natural occurrence) both are likely to suffer with their addictions. Interestingly, they can become addicted and dependent on one another, which is genuinely unhealthy for a mindset anyways, regardless whether addiction existed prior or not. Addiction only increases these chances. Angel likes confidence in a man (confirmed on Patreon). Yet, Husk is even confirmed  in streams to be deeply troubled and insecure. One thing he hates is his demon form, something that we’ll touch on shortly. Angel loves quality food ESPECIALLY of Italian origin whilst Husk is willing to eat the shit they give you in bars (admittedly that was painful to type as someone who grew up around pubs - either way it’s not exactly high quality or gourmet is what I’m saying). Interestingly, in some character references of Angel, it’s stated that he hates rejection. Hates. That’s a VERY strong word. This could explain but not justify why he’s persistent with Husk (similar to NiceGuys believing you’re playing ‘hard to get’ - further illuding to an immature and toxic mindset) though it interestingly doesn’t apply with Alastor. Odd.  There’s a counterpoint to symbolism in art. A very VALID counterarguement... If it suited Viv’s style. During Media Studies, Business, Design and Art, hell fucking Silent Hill! - I’ve been educated on effective symbolism as well as artistic trademarks (the most famous that most should know is Alfred Hitchcock!). Hitchcock often appeared in all his films, usually as a sidefacing silhouette, trading marking his films with his very PRESENCE. Viv’s seems to revolve around hearts. I mention this because an IG account made the point that hearts were to symbolise anyone connected with Angel’s story and love life (Valentino’s business and shades/collar, heart behind Angel’s head, Heart tattoo on Cherri’s right shoulder, hearts for Husk’s paws, eyebrow marks above natural brows, wings, and nose as well as most of the playing cards). Thing is, there’s hearts EVERYWHERE in all of Viv’s works and such symbology of Angel and hearts is weakened if it connects to the villains/abusers as well - taking away the positivity in a love symbol. Viv’s used hearts in her font, backgrounds, in characters ears, in all her series just generalised, Blitzo’s forehead, background characters, again the cards, Travis’s eyes, Millie’s right shoulder in the SAME place as Cherris. Even Vaggie had a heart tattoo on the shoulder in some christmas themed artwork (on her left). Heart’s is just something Viv seems to brand herself with. And that’s fine though I feel she could do with cutting it down slightly. One thing to early note on the cards (again, this’ll creep up later and my name should tell you why), most are heart suits and usually either a face card (J, Q, K), Joker, ace or 2s. Face cards/Jokers for more details close up (look at the signing artwork) and the rest are just easier to animate, though a little bit of a peeve to someone into their cards as well as the massive overuse of red in Hazbin overall. It’s extremely unlikely to be symbolic. If they change it to be so, then it’s... Weakened. As I’ve mentioned earlier, Silent Hill is an example of extremely clever symbolism in more darker media (more so, SH is considered a ‘hell’ of sorts and does feature religious iconography WITHOUT causing offence. A great example of how to portray this type of thing - they even mix humour in if you consider some of the sneaky references, dialogues and odd UFO/dog endings).  Discussing Viv’s art further, she drew a gift for her sister (original creator of Husk when he possessed white fur) of Angel playfully dragging a disinterested and annoyed Husk (I believe this was still around the time SpiderMoth was canon). The newish art tends to have Angel putting a holly crown on him or sitting on his knees, Husk seeming too lazy to really do anything about it. Very nonchalant. I also want to include some interesting stream arts here and later to further highlight their bond.  A fan asked Viv in a stream to draw them “actually getting along” - this wording implying that the fan is aware of Husk not enjoying Angel’s company. So Viv did, with an extra doodle of Husk being one of the ‘canadian people’ from South Park who sing “Im not your friend”. The art alone shows Husk’s absolute discomfort, even the extra thing Viv added w/o request. As they’re her characters and the fan asked for what they’d look like getting along, to show this discomfort goes to show the dynamic once planned. Husk just isnt a fan of Angel, especially when he’s being sexual and touchy. It can be great for small comedic parts, however both the team AND fans have now crossed this over to really creepy and triggering realms in their ships. It’s creepy and doesnt look good on Angel (who they actively root for) nor the gay community (more on that).

[Yes Ive already pointed out the comedic side of this ^ but it doesnt bode well considering the other points and issues that arise] There’s also a request for drag angel flirting with drunk husk. Personally thats a lil creepy to specify one of the two being intoxicated and thus not able to truly consent. If Angel is willing to flirt with someone in that state, it doesnt mean he would fuck them, but it does feel the fan was thinking that’s the case. In all truth, I think Angel WOULD flirt with those incapable of consent purely to swindle or pickpocket. I’d like to think [and HOPE considering his own abuse by Val] that he’d never take it further. And I hope Viv, the team and the fans see how incredibly creepy that thought is. I’ll give benefit of the doubt though it is still a concern. Either way, Angel appears... Annoyed? Husk is completely turned away and seems incredibly grouchy and confused. This shows yet more rejection on his behalf as well as Angel’s response to being rejected, which highlights his immaturity towards it. Remember, he’s USED TO and EXPECTS everyone to want him (even saying this in the Pilot). Hell, there’s even a Rich Vaggie request where Viv again randomly includes Husk. This time, he’s faced towards her and relaxed, though seems unimpressed and overall disinterested in this type of behaviour. Behaviour and interests of Angel [Celeb status and rich appearance due to Val, despite getting very little of the cut and the vanity, as well as Husk just not giving a shit about this sort of peacock display]. (Also wanted to note in Viv’s #3 stream 1:50:50, Faust makes out that Husk is a ‘dirty, creepy old man’ as well as him constantly threatening violence towards Angel. I dont see him as *creepy* in this context - as it implies perversion that he blatantly lacks fortunately - though it’s very telling of how Husk feels and again shows this toxic relationship).

/Angel’s Type: First off, daddy issues. He has them. Now let’s look at ‘daddy’. Henroin is shorter than Angel, dark fur, grumpy, old, wears only a hat and tie, big brows... Sounds familiar? Ok, look at his brother Arackniss. Similar to Henroin, dark, short, grouchy, bullied by and bullies Angel, is adverse to Angel and overall possess a bad relationship. Ok.... His main client, Travis! Short, dark fur, moody, Only wears hat and tie, drinker (shown in stream as request so take drinking with a pinch), similar face to- Is no one else seeing this trait? Angel seems to go for these shorter than him grouchier men who either want him for sex or hate his presence. Men who are like his dad and brother. All of these guys are far too similar, and we’ve got enough men in suits, bowties and sharp teeth in this show to boot as it is- The psychology of this type of attachment is rooted in a bad familial relationship alongside the subconscious desire to repair or compensate for it. Unknowningly the person will keep seeking out this sort of guy who isnt good for them to fix this internal issue. The resolution is to NOT go for these types. It’s also connected to intimacy fears, by going for those you know arent good for you/right for you/interested in you is often the manifestation of these issues. Pair them with daddy issues and it’s a disaster! There is science to back this up. Valentino is interestingly the opposite yet still toxic issues arise. Why? Because he’s going from one extreme to the other but with the same mindset. Neither of these men or types for MANY reasons are right for him. And visa versa. Seeing a pattern? ~~~~

Angel w Husk? I mentioned before that Husk hates his demon form. If you’re an old man, a gambler, some Vegas bloke and have this grouchier disposition, why the fuck would you want to look like an oversized pet? Exactly. Angel however adores his own aside from the feet. Now I find it strange how the guy we’re rooting for just so happens to like his own form which was intended for punishment. But that’s not todays post. I said earlier that Angel is heavily fixated on Husk’s appearance. Especially the feline aspects (calling him Husky and Kitty - petnames he hates that also treat him again more like a pet than a man -, dressing as a ‘sexy cat’ to appeal to him which can come off as more mockery. This is even backed up by fans who seem to think an old guy’s gonna act like some school girl anime trope?). All of this completely disregards and disrespects Husk’s feelings and perspectives. Something the fans and team take part in actively. Angel - whether you want to hear this or not - is SELFISH. When Husk ‘owed’ him for missing the show (babysitting Fat Nuggets), Husk begrudgingly fulfils this. The second Angel owed Husk for stealing drinks, Angel threw a hissy fit. The silent treatment, going to other bars and posting about it whilst complaining (again focusing on Husk being ‘cute’). Trying to cop out of it by buying Husk a smoothie (though it looked like a date, lets be real, do you REALLY have to bribe someone to date and be around you? No) and even then he still had to owe the money which was more of Husk’s concern. Yes he did in the end and more money than needed, hence the returning of the extra cash, but that is no excuse for the childish behaviour prior. He’s much too accustomed to being adored and pampered and getting his own way that he cant grasp when people arent a fan or willing to pamper him. If they make them a ship, all it does it make Angel completely into a shitty Gary-Stu that everyone loves and pities for his suffering, rather than teach him to grow, earn his redemption and confronting his own toxicity. Let me make this extremely clear: ANGEL DOES NOT DESERVE ABUSE OR RAPE. But when he starts behaving as shitty, he’s hard to root for. Remember, he’s sexually harassing all these guys, with Husk getting the brunt of it. But it’s treated as a joke for them and only taken seriously for Angel. Val abuses all of his employees. He abuses VOX and even THAT was mocked by fans and staff. It’s... It’s frankly gross.  In every interaction Husk has with Angel, his body language is closed off, tense, uncomfortable, turned away and hostile - look at the IG. He wont even allow Angel to touch him. Compare this to Niffty, who he’s fine with taking pictures with and letting her hang around and touch him. Body language is relaxed (relaxed shoulders, open body language) and he doesnt look hostile at all. What does Angel do? Always tries to get close to Husk (such as sitting as close as possible during Poker) and forces both his OWN hobbies onto Husk (ones that Husk shows a strong disinterest in) and Husk’s hobbies (Poker). It’s very FORCED and not natural. Going back to immaturity, he blames Husk and his cards for being shit at the game. They’re always bickering, insulting, fighting in the comments but fans only see this as a ‘cute couple fight’ or Husk being ‘tsundere’.Tsundere. An anime trope often used in young characters. Irl tsundere is NOT this dramatised. The tsundere you see in anime, apply that irl and you get the recipe for the most toxic, petty and immature relationship going. You get constant fights, unease, not feeling loved/appreciated, little trust - the list goes on. Plus an old bloke really isnt going to indulge in tsundere traits. It’s childish. After his history with love, I doubt he’d be up for games and messing about. For something meaningful, he’d just want open honesty. Their ‘relationship’ feels like it’s written by horny kids attempting a fanfic after being inspired by 50 shades and twilight (both show toxic relationshiiiiiips~). The worst is that these are adult writers trying to portray some realistic yet sensitive topics. This is just ill fuckin taste. Even the warnings in Helluva’s ‘Horny Demons’ leaves a bad taste when the fans are thinking Stolas is the best dad despite both parents ruining Octavia’s mental health. Despite the next day after that episode aired Stolas starts flirting with Blitzo again on IG. Despite Blitzo being clearly uncomfortable and sexually harassed and even co-herced into sex (VERY UNHEALTHY MESSAGES HERE). Viv herself has been in bad relationships so how the fuck she’s blind to this and even borderline fetishizing this sort of behaviour that everyone seems to play off as ‘Awwww cute tsundere <3 BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ is abhorrent. I’ll go into this more later on how this really just... It treats male sexual harassment and assault as a fucking joke- Angel’s constant unwarranted flirting is no different from the freaks on IG that send dick pics to underage kids and random women in their dms and fathom that they’re ‘nice’ and have a ‘chance’. Wanna know the creepiest? The candid photo of Husk on Angel’s wall. Something Husk seems horrified about. It’s fangirlish and teenager like at BEST, and obsessive stalker at worst. He’s NOT respecting Husk’s boundaries or feelings. That’s still up despite Husk’s reaction. He still wore the costume despite Husk’s feelings. Angel’s thinking with his dick and it’s such a fucked up message that everyone seems to support just because ‘its FICTION. Theyre in HELL.Theyre BAD people.’ Yeah? Well look at how that’s effecting and warping reality and perspective. It’s glamourising it. Fetishsizing stalking and making it cute. Yer have celebrity or boyband or whatever youre a fan of pics on your wall. NOT your crush. NOT someone who clearly isnt interested or happy with this. If someone who kept commenting on your pictures “sexy” suddenly had a picture of you on their wall, what would YOU think? How would YOU FEEL? Because myself and my own sisters have been in VERY fucking similar situations and it’s traumatic. His paw is even attempting the lens - Angel is crossing his boundaries and not getting the message that Husk doesnt want this. He’s forcing himself onto Husk. Yknow... VAL forced himself on Angel and it ended up in numerous rapes. Angel hasnt raped Husk, but if he wont take no. If he wont respect boundaries. If he only wants Husk to do what he wants but throws a fit when he owes husk - he’s picking up on Val’s bad habits more and more. How are so few - even the very team creating this - not seeing how disgusting this is? Are we only supposed to give a shit if Angels hurt? If so, the message isnt so much of how despicable Val is but how awful it is to upset Angel. Fans constantly blame Husk for being grumpy, annoyed at or rejecting Angel. Look at this real world implication. Not only that but Angel being gay just reinforces one of the worlds most disgusting and inaccurate stereotype of gay men being sexual predators and forcing men to have sex whether theyre comfortable or not. MOST gay men arent like this, and those who are its just because THEYRE shitty people (Jeffree fucking Starr, but look how people ‘stan’ his fuckin behaviour). Val is rubbing off on Angel as much as fiction has a MASSIVE impact on reality - whether we’re willing to admit it or not. Like Val, hes pushing past boundaries, he’s selfish, hes more into visuals than anything else. It’s one sided, superficial and theres no click. No connection. Be in this situation yourself and seeing this sorta shit becomes second nature to stay alive. Angel even says that most of hells residents are ‘ugly freaks’ yet finds Husk cute. It’s all LOOKS. Who else likes appearances alone? Val. I know this will trigger and upset fans, Ive been told to fucking die and have my ED triggered when I mentioned it before. But accept that all of them have flaws. Everyone irl have flaws. But there’s flaws and then theres a fuckin crime. If Husk was a woman, more people would see the flaw, but even then... Look at many romance movies - not all but many go for opposites attract (science proves this inaccurate irl), stalking, or even sexual harassments and assualts but she falls for him and they end up together. That aint love thats Stockholm with extra steps. Think you’re triggered and upset? Go through this shit - have a history with it happening - and then see some show you love and a comfort character get treated the exact same and everyone JUSTIFIES it, including the team themselves. It’s NOT cute.  Part 2 to the previous point: Both do share common interests, but it’s very unhealthy such as excessive drinking, both being addicts and being rather lazy, etc. Otherwise the common ground just isnt good. They’re opposites that really dont compliment each other. (Not a valid point here but I find it interesting how Angel loves aquariums and Husk can fly too). Viv’s writing is mediocre at best (but with glowing potential - a diamond in the rough - hence why it’s so frustrating) but Husk’s writing is the laziest. According to Viv he’s (paraphrased) “easiest to write... doesnt care about anything, almost always grumpy leading to similar reactions to everything”. His voice and alcoholism even has a lot of inspiration from Rick Sanchez. As I said with Angel in the RadioDust post, it’s almost like the addictions are seen as a joke. A running gag is fine if you can play it off well and it’s not about something so serious EVEN MORE SO when the series is about how damaging the addictions are and redemption. Why is this end goal being ignored unless it’s about Angel himself? That’s not just favouritism or bias, that’s also heavily self indulgent and a backwards ass message. Right now, Hazbin and Helluva have this ugly fixation on sex and ships. VIV has a fixation on ‘horny demons’. Her main characters are incredibly sexual bar Al (dont even say Husk, Niffty, Charlie or Vaggie or even loona and Moxxie are even on par with the focus and treatment Val, Angel, Blitz and Stolas are given). It’s very fixated and concerning. Its starting to feel like it’s about to divulge into hentai than a legit series with even a hint of the plot or a message. It reminds me of Family Guy trying to be BoJack. It’s starting to remind me of fucking Sausage Party and the final orgy. Sex and swears makes it inappropriate for kids but that doesnt make it adult or mature, and this is coming from someone who swears more than a fucking sailor whos stubbed his bare pinky toe on a fucking crate corner. Constant swears arent funny or artful in the slightest when it’s over done. It’s just... childish adult humour. We cant be expected to want to root for any of them at this rate- All A24 and other companies are seeing is big cash and easily manipulated child audiences (for easy money). They KNOW it can be better but theyd rather be lazy as they’ll profit big either way. This is going to end up like YanSim and YanDev. Amazing potential, shit writing with a leader too stubborn to accept and act on criticism, seeing it as hate. At this point, Husk isnt a deeply troubled man with vices and interests. He’s just fuck candy and romantic end goal for Angel. To compliment and complete him. Just another accessory to the Angel Show. Vivs sister who made Husk even loves Angel so it’ll only serve to further this already toxic narrative.  The ship doesnt look or feel right. There’s too much established now to see the dynamics and favouritism in the creators. Self indulgence. You cant play favourites when you do this sort of thing professionally. The audience can see it and it turns people away. Ask any nonHaz/Helluva fan what they think and it’s... Well, average.  Another thing is everyone went full hype on Frozen focusing on something other than romance as a form of love. But then go back to “Ok now everyone reenact the final scenes of Sausage Party” afterwards. Not everything is sex and romance, and it really is starting to feel Viv and the fans are focused on that like Incels focusing on ‘chad’. It’s creepy. Helping with food, telling someone self conscious on their weight that they’re not fat, not taking more money than someone owes, even helping out with a pet - that’s something that a good friend would do. In fact, Husk even laughs at the goofy Angel cutout and it being destroyed. It doesnt instantly equate to wanting to fuck. The fact that the fans and even some of the team seem borderline horny is... Completely destroying this show, it’s message and everything about it. Viv said ships were hardly the focus in her stream but look at it now. Look at what Viv focuses on now. It’s just fanservice shit. Nothing more. Self indulgence shit, look at the team making rape into a fetish or shipping themselves publicly with the characters on the public IGs. It’s like watching children run a business and it’s painful because the entire series is suffering when it could be amazing.  Friendship should be more normalised as a valuable type of relationship just as much as love or family are. I’ll also add that Husk adding after the show “Oh fuck... Is this what I missed? Shit.” is ooc like the ‘date’ (that was compensation for stolen drinks, like a tamer version of Blitzo fucking Stolas for the grimoire). It contradicts that he slept it off rather than an attempt at staying awake, as well as calling it a “god damn peepshow” implying a repulsion to the peverse tendencies. The constantly commenting, following and posting Angel related pics makes little sense either from someone who’s blatantly been sexually harassed as well as the clear repulsion of the candid pic on the wall. He outright rejected Angel. What would be realistic are the IGs focusing on learning about the characters, their lives and interests - ALL updating at realistic paces. Old men arent tech savvy usually nor care for social media that much. He’d post drinks, gambling, casinos, life with Niffty and Alastor. Heck maybe a picture of Angel captioned “When will this guy leave me the FUCK alone?”. He even only seems to tag angel, even in the pic that had Charlie and Vaggie [their shared account] or Niffty. Theres a CLEAR bias in the staff room and it’s messy. Look how most the female cast is ignored (Vaggie/Charlie, Velvet who posted a birthday gift to one of the new artists on the merch WHY? Gasu btw, Niffty, Millie only posting twice - heck even Vox and Loona sometimes get neglected. CLEAR. BIAS.) The ships focused on are 1) NOT established canon yet publicly favoured by Viv and the team (Stoliz, HuskerDust, VoxVal - that last pair havent actually got a VA either-), 2) Are TOXIC and theme around abuse or sexual harassment but it’s ‘cute because gae’ - NO. This makes gay people look really bad when they’re not. 3) HD and SL focus on one sided, stalkerish, cop out ‘tsundere’ excused ships to sugar coat the creepiness which only further fuels bigotry, 4) SL has MERCH on it now, so thats also profiting on sexual harassment imagery (again, dont give a shit they arent real - the EFFECTS are. The people who can relate ARE. The people being horridly stereotyped ARE). Thing is, the IGs originally were there to promote ADDICT which started as a fan song anyways despite everyone saying how Viv is stubborn in her ways an uninfluenced by her fans (proof says otherwise) yet shes allowed a fan song to be canon. Theres a focus on forced love for fanservice. The IGs have long outstayed their welcome. The Val account allows glamourisation of the sick shit Val does AND entinses fans to bully as they forget a REAL PERSON runs the fucking account, Val isnt even a scary villain either - hes just a big teen like everyone else - stuck in a teen drama with all this. Pimps are smart. Theyre scary. Theyre masters of manipulati- HOW DO THEY NOT DO THE RESEARCH?! Viv wanted this sense of realism and dealing with sensitive topics in one of the worst executed ways Ive ever seen- It’s toxic. It’s dangerous. These are shit messages and your fans display that when they think all criticism is ‘hAtE’ and actively bully real people w REAL EXPERIENCES. Telling them to ‘stop pls’ does fuck all because you still promote shit messages straight after. Like with Stolas to Blitz in a IG story a day after Ep 2. Classy.  Fanservice seems desperate to keep these fans (rather than market correctly... Just like YanDev) and it leads to fans feeling like they have the audacity to steer the series. Poor business with WEAK boundaries. Viv, you lost your series a long time ago. Want it back? LISTEN TO LEGIT CRITICISM. Stop surrounding yourself with yes men. Even my best fucking friend calls me out when Im out of line because a real friend will fucking take the chance of hurting your feelings if it means helping you in the long run and grow.  Mick joked about the inside of Husk’s ears matching Angels coat, that the ears are cat’s most sensitive and vulnerable parts. 1) Cats vulnerable part is their tummy - hence why you need their trust first (alternatively yer get the odd cat that has full confidence they cat hurt you a lot faster than you can tickle them - I own one), 2) Its weird that Viv doesnt know this considering how many cats she has - its important to learn the language of those you love to give them your full understanding and a great bond 3) This romanticises sexual harassment more than it already is in the media (remember, theres women out there still murdered for saying no!) as well as reinforces the stereotypes of gay men forcing non-interested men into sex (again, a very toxic and unrealistic trope - a dangerous one thats led to gays being murdered!). And the ears design is unnecessarily overly complex considering those fuckin wings he supports. If the design adds nothing to the character but aesthetic, then it can go on the chopping block. Rules for simple animation. Besides from Angel sharing the same tooth as Val (who knows if that was added after he started working for Val as branding?) you could use this argument to say Pent or Al are soulmates for Angel because of having striped suits, or sharp teeth - no, it was intended as a joke that Viv fueled to irresponsibly because it’s not the first time she’s dodged publicly addressing something (something youll NEED to get used to in a big company), and she’s publicly dodged shit after this too so Im not putting faith in her until she can act professionally as the job requires. Likewise, professionals should consider what and how they joke as they’re presenting an image of a company/business. And people WILL eat that shit up face value regardless. In her stream #2, a fan requests for art of flustered angel and smug husk to fuel their ship. at 2:10:21, she does so. She’s also done this for Baxter x Niffty and Cherri x Tom. As a professional, you really should be avoiding this sort of thing in the name of fanservice. I get it, fanservice = financial gain. But it also results in empty meaning. It’s a shell of what the passion project once was, hence why you make the ENTIRE skeleton before involving others. The team help construct the muscles, tendons and organs. The public - moreso critics and the more experienced in those fields help sew the skin. Then you bring it to life, the fans become like blood. They aid to keep it alive. Even Ash and Mick mention Husk being ‘tsundere’. Im had most my piece about it earlier, however I’ll repeat and add some extras. Tsundere is an exaggerated personality, often used in younger characters. In terms of a relationship, it’s very immature, leads to poor communication and results in a toxic love. Science can back this up as well as the lack of realism. It’s more immature minds/hearts that go to what they interpret as tsundere in hopes of the love life the media portrays. A farce. Y’know what Angel needs? Someone open, honest, open to love and comforting. He doesnt need someone rebuffing and him chasing. It’s nothing more than an immature thrill. Once the love begins, it’s burns out QUICK. It’s far from sustainable or healthy. It’s not what either really need and further show Angel’s fixation on men who subconsciously remind him of his father. It’s not healthy. Another thing is a tsundere actually IS interested but shows it in the most immature and childish means possible. Would a really old bloke actually give a shit to play those sorts of games? No. Not one coming from a place like husk has. It’s painful how lacking in research and experience these people are. Science backs up that opposites solemnly attract also. In fact, they often either repel or only get as far as friendship.  Fan and Team Mentality in Brief: Im coming out with my ultimate pet peeve: if you’re going to have one of the MAIN characters be a gambler, do your research. The only background shit is a casino, LOADS of sex references (in Pride? Really?) and drugs. It’s like someone listing what they think is adult and tabboo and naughty. It’s yikes. Cards are almost always aces, 2s or blank. MOST are heart suits (like we need MORE red - we get it, it’s hell. But it’s an immature larvae stage hell). I get 2s and aces being easier to animate, however you have Husks wings, the entire of alastor, angels arms - if youre busting the budget for the menial then bust it to the cards. Theres like ONE spade. The full house isnt a full house (here’s a display of the fans lack of education on the matter as well which serves as a sure sign that they know just as little on any of this as SpindleHorse, they think it’s a sign on him being a card cheat. A card cheat. I aint saying hes not but what I AM saying is poker professionals are some of the most observant people in the world. Especially when money’s involved they’ll ensure youve got your facts right. That wouldnt fly at ALL. But theres more~ fans think Husk spent loaaaads of time staring at angel’s face in the IG poker out of <3 Newsflash. When you play poker you read EVERYONE like a book. Every little twist and twitch of the features. Its not about love. It’s about winning. Its about money. Play enough poker and it’s instinct if you want to actually play decently. Call bluffs. Life aint a fuckin romance.) And playing Poker at a BlackJack table? In a casino? These are all common knowledge and basics if you just research. And this is coming from someone with a history of this.  The fans even believed Tipsy Bartender’s ‘Peach Princess Cocktail’ was something Spindlehorse made as a beverage form of Niffty, Angel and even Charlie because of the name. Now, Im not expecting everyone to be a fuckin boozy either, but to not even consider it’s a very real drink does show that many fans are far too young for that 18+ label.  Fanart of HD often has Husk being OOC OR being held hostage (often via webs - one even being reblogged by Viv, aint that cute!). Some even have Husk completely intoxicated, which would be rape. Im not sugarcoating it. Because too many are getting the sweet treatment and copying Viv’s ‘dont address and it disappears!’ tactic - A LOT of internet celebs do it. The ship is drawn a lot by the team in the public eye, Viv reblogs it publicly (SL, HD, alongside canon only ships, how curious-). Husk is pan yet doesnt behave as the stereotype. And Id FULLY support this with my fucking SOUL (fun fact: you cant sell a soul. Thats myth to scare people-) if it was done correctly. But the way bisexuals, lesbians, gays and aces are portrayed so stereotypically (even Pan in terms of Val’s sexomania), it’s really REALLY uncomfortly coming across as Husk being pansexual JUST to make him an ‘option’ for Angel. Hell even the hets are given a shite representation. Some art btw has husk tricked into a kiss. Cute, we’re really starting to like blurring consent aint we? Remember, Angel has celeb power in his world. In the real world, he has a following. HE has the power in the ship massively. Hell, fans JUSTIFY Angels behaviour and absolutely rip Husk a new shithole if he fuckin even so as to DARE OPPOSE ANGELS MUCH DESERVED LOVE! - sarcasm because I have to make that shit clear now. Fans dont care about Husks feelings, he wasnt even popular until this ship started to explode. Y’know what would be cool and break stereotypes? An old straight white guy actually accepting his friends sexualities. The pan thing feels really fucking gimicky and exploitive and gross based on the history of all this shit. It feels disingenuine. Representation doesnt come from it just being there. What next? Katie whips on blackface to further show shes a bigoted knobhead whos white and straight? Dont get me wrong, Katie’s an arsehole but theres other means to show this rather than ALL HETS HATE THE BIG GAE. They dont. They really dont. But hey, we’ll show a gay man sexually harass every guy and root for him! NO. Thats fucked up. It makes gays look like the predators theyre not. It’s like the fucking 50s with modern tech - is that the real identity of Vox? Fuckin maybe. WHAT THEY NEED - FUCKING FINALLY, ITS THE END IVE BEEN ON THIS SHIT FOR DAYS WHILST SICK LUCKY ME EH? CAN YER FEEEEEEEL MY TIREDNESS OF FANDOMS AND CREATORS EXCUSING SHITTY THINGS FOR CLOUT, MONEY, FAME AND OTHER DUMB SHIT? IF YOU CANT, THEN WHAT THE FUCK, AND OTHER NEWS: Right. Lets get our main shit. Compatibility between the pair is really low - lower than even the team seems to see. And yer old fart of a Hag here’s gotta use my personal suffering as an example because thats what the cool kids do, right? Their friendship compatibility is high. VERY high. But low for love. HEALTHY love. In terms of convo flow, it only has a river when insults are flying, otherwise Husk actively cuts Angel short or outright annoys him. In reality, someone like Husk would gross out Angel, but the cute cat look can turn that the fuck around - JUST the look. Fans and the team oddly think it’s cute though. Yes, I remember being negged at the bar and thinking “BOY arent my pants flooded like the fuckin planet when the ice caps are melting”. There’s no click. Theres infatuation and lust one sided based on looks. Husk isnt even remotely interested and no means delayed yes apparently. Angel as a rape VICTIM should know better than to blur consent like this. Angel isnt a rapist [for the skim reading raging stans ANGELS NOT A RAPIST, YAAAAAY!] but he sure has a shit grip on when he’s looking like Val when Val forced Angel into a kiss by not accepting rejection. It’s. CREEPY. Its fuckin weird. Husk is literally named after being a shell of his former self, I doubt random sex and forced interest is gonna make him spring to life like bastard Zeberdy from the Magic Pissin Roundabout. Honestly, sexual harassment and addictions are treated the same in this - a joke. A punchline. A gag. Sure makes me fuckin gag. Nah, the more healthier Chaggie relationship (needs work on Charlies damn part - dont let freaky taxidermy men sexually assault your life partner like that) is booooring, lets focus on sexual harassment leading to true love like all the other shitty romcoms shall we? Or sugar coat it with ‘getting to know them better <3′ like Beauty and the Beast. A story, by yours truly: My mom’s mates with this woman. Lets call her M because her name starts with an M. M is just like Angel except slightly older, overweight and disabled - so not everyones cup of tea visually (shes neither here nor there to me imo, not like I hold interest in shaggin her). Like Angel, she fuckin flirts with any ANY man around her. She’ll even touch without consent, rub allllll up and down their backs and bodies, and not leave them alone. She even did this with a few gay men. Shes not a horrible person BUT mom and I are constantly trying to stop her and get through her head how DISGUSTING this treatment is. But nothing gets the message across. Shes ALWAYS talking men and sex and has an on/off fling with this one bloke (dont worry, hes the male M, cheats and does the same as her). Everyone, even women, are uncomfortable with this. Irl it’s desperate and a HUGE repellent. Men are visibly SO uncomfortable. She does it to my father too who is - in case youd forgotten - MARRIED TO HER BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. My father is not a man of fear (and interestingly, hes one of the real life Huskers I know!) but this woman? *insert Heavy bc why tf not* She scares him. My dad does everything in his damn power to pull away, reject, resist, avoid and cut her off. The only reason hes even nice to her at all is because mom likes her (when M isnt a gross hornbag, shes genuinely a good friend to my mother - much like angel and Cherri). My dad’s strictly banned from insulting her or telling her to fuck off from my mother BECAUSE of her nature with him. Even at her non horny times, he’s even said shes not his flavour.  I’ve had numerous accounts like this myself (ask any woman-) but the worst was the guy thinking - THINKING - that Id eventually be his whilst he played up a lot of our similarities up, seemed nice and I actually thought I had a good guy friend (put it this way, Im genuinely scared of men because of guys like this). At this time, there was a character I discovered who looks and behaves SO much like me, and shes married. My simping arse for this fictional BEAUT [Im sorry but Iris is fucking awesome] compared her romantic traits towards Olgerd as something Id do - and this was a STATUS. It wasnt even too him, tagging him, nothing. I was just spamming Iris like the Iris whore I am, and... Yep. Ill be honest and say that God only knows what else I did that made him think I was ready to rip off my clothes and shag him. My post history back then showed Im like this when I find a character I relate to. I also send hearts a lot publicly and to friends to express joy - I get NERVOUS how that’ll be taken now. He tried to pit my ex friend and I against each other for him and even cyberstalked us pretending to be a girl named Raven. My GUT told me this aint no bastard ‘Raven’. The vibes he gave me, and the fact when I kept saying no he took it as a delayed yes (He even said “Ill wait for when youre ready” not “I understand and am happy to still be friends”) gave me literal nightmares of this guy tracking me down and raping me. He’s currently dating that ex friend (I was still willing to be their friend and support them but they said it was hard to keep us separate in her lifes and she didnt want conflict, so I cut it off amicably with her and I fuckin hope he treats her right. I even sensed in my gut she’d like him and he’d like her - even that theyd be good together! But then I found she was 17 and he was 10 years older, that he was cyberstalking and pitting us against each other, that he was secretly an arrogant fuck and that he gives off red flags like her ex’s - but shes passed 18 now and I want to trust her as an adult that she can deal with this. Shes got a good family.) As a kid, Ive been fuckin groped at school in my shitty neighbourhood. One kid even harassed me wanting to know if Id started my periods yet. Hed constantly fondle girls and ‘keg’ them aka yank down their skirts or trousers in public, and 2 years later held a fucking KNIFE to my throat in a classroom with the shittiest substitute teacher, all because I stood up to him (I was not known for my bravery at school so). He was harassing my female friend who suffers from it since as well as her upbringing, bullying her and stealing her stuff. Shes TINY. She was bullied just as bad as I - who was somehow both the school ghost AND pariah somehow- - and I stepped in and told him to cut that shit out before snatching her things back. I told her to ignore the desperate prick. Thats when he took a boxcutter and held it to my throat, threatening me to keep my head down. Now my neighbourhood fucking qualifies as the British ‘hood’ but Id been lucky to avoid this. Ironically, I wondered what this situation would be like a year prior. Im convinced I can fucking foresee bad shit now and with anxiety that aint good. I froze mentally and I just said “Wooow, Im fucking scared- *friends name*, ignore him” and continued my work. I fucking mentally kicked myself for speaking but I genuinely didnt know what to do. Obviously not fucking that. He sat the full TWO HOURS at our table with this knife, jolting forward mockingly and switching who he pointed it at. The knife btw was from that very room as it was graphics and art. Teacher didnt even notice though honestly Ive had an entire class throw shit at me and call me a whore and the teacher in that class looked at me and TURNED AWAY. End of the day, I reported it to my actual graphics teacher when he returned and he told me he’d take this higher up and to get my parents. My home was only 5 minutes away but I had to walk alone when most the students were gone AND through a fucking alleyway. I always walked with my head low but that day I kept it high and tried to look brave because I genuinely thought he was waiting for me. That he was going to rape and kill me because he’s a pervert and Id just discovered a fucking violent one at that. I broke down at my door. Do you know how fuckin hard it is to look your parents who are dealing with two cancer patients and other issues in the eyes and tell them their ‘little girl’ had a knife to her through for standing up for herself? We went back, I described everything and even remember the yellow-orange handle just to get this kid punished? I even wrote an official police statement (well, the written witness account they add to their statement and evidence) and had to speak on mine and my friend’s behalf because she was that shook up. I never even used to speak for myself! He got expelled, but yknow what us jolly folk dealt with? Hearing kids and his mates mumbling about the ‘rat’ and how much of a cunt they were. Teachers and kids praise him for his art skills and even pin them on display EVERYWHERE (one - ONE - was a fucking self portrait and none of the staff seemed to find issue in that) and even an occassion where he came back into the school when he legally wasnt (trespassing). Do you know how hard it is to fucking avoid someone without raising suspicions from everyone around you in a narrow corridor? Im TALL too. I got NO support from this and felt on edge because he could easily sneak into school. I couldnt say shit because his stupid ‘spies’ were about. Just typing this is upsetting enough- I also know a rl Angel who’s like him minus the sexual harassment. She’s... I never used to like her and visa versa but we actually get along really well now, even though she can be creepy and perverse- But she wouldnt be my type either nor I with her. Often we really fuck each other off but we can also bond great. Another incident reminds me of Husk’s candid photo. Ive had people keep my photo despite me saying not to however I had someone SOMEHOW at that school one the fuck up that. There was a cut out from a magazine of a lady who looked like my DOUBLE except she was asian. Now I thought this was cool and it made me feel sorta pretty. This one girl showed everyone and the teacher, pretty much everyone was like “Oh shit that really is you, C!” and it was harmless fun at first. Until I wanted the picture. Again, this woman looked EXACTLY like me. Yet this girl refused and said she wanted to keep it and even carried it around in her pencil case. Yes it wasnt me but due to the similarities, this photo was called me (tbf the fuckin pic got more respect than I did-). This isnt the only creepy instant between me and this girl but the photo reminds me of it. And this tops people keeping photos OF me which happened in primary school. This was me but legal at that time. And asain. It was super fucking neckbeardy the way she treated this photo and stared, often stroking it and looking at me. I just hope she was only trying to scare me. Theres one final instance of a sexual assault but Im just not yet ready to be public about it. 2 here already know. Those are some of my rl experiences and more to come (unfortunately) that show these behaviours in real life. It seems - it comes across - that sexual harassment, MORE SO TOWARDS MEN, is seen as some punchline and not something legitimately horrifying or dangerous. It’s not cute. It’s fucking FAR from it.  Ive already mentioned how putting two addicts together can lead to relapsing, dependence on each other in an unhealthy way. And Ive even mentioned what Angel needs in a relationship in the RD post. Luckily for you, I’ll copy and paste it here: “ We need to think about where both are mentally. What benefits would a relationship give both? How would they be good and bad for each other? For Al, aside from his outdated views and being a fucking murderer and narcissist, he actually seems in a good mindspace for a relationship IF he opted to be in one. Angel however has a very immature mindset, likewise is in a phase of life where hes bed hopping. IF he were to be in a relationship, I’d say he needs a male equivalent of Cherri - someone with a similar mindset yet some differences, willing to have fun and in touch with their younger side, down to cuddle, open to share and receive love as well as not afraid to publicly be affectionate with him, someone who sees him as more than just for sex, someone fun, someone who’ll let him embrace his cutesy side publicly without shame - Cherri is younger so maybe someone who’s his age or slightly younger perhaps? I think Angel’s not retirement home ready to settle and needs someone on his level that can cuddle and chill as well as feels free and youthful enough to go wild with him. In one sense, he’s got a teen girl sorta mindset (dont put him with a teen though, it’s fuckin weird-). He needs someone positive and raw, someone to let him be himself as well as someone comfortable to be themselves around him. He has a habit of latching onto unobtainable men (in psychology, this is self sabotaging subconsciously): Travis the client, Val a pimp, Husk (emotionally unavailable and needs HEAVY self work - interestingly far more than Angel - plus he’s still onto his last relationship and an addict to gambling and alcohol), Pent who’s the enemy he was currently fighting (inappropriate timing), Alastor who’s not interested in another but his own needs [selfish, VERY bad for a relationship]. Subconsciously he’s self sabotaging on purpose. There’s many psychology books as well as sources online for this, if you’re interested. Either way, Angel is drawn to men either like his father [who dislike him, shun him, or are otherwise cold, abusive or just blatantly dislike or otherwise dont care about him] or anyone with money to fuel his drug addiction/’debt’ to Val. Going with any of these men isn’t a good idea. Preferably, Angel needs someone who he doesnt immediately crush and obsess over. Someone who he doesnt sexually harass or assault. Someone he can build a connection with quickly that can bud into romance (think how Chaggie started as a friendship which clicked immediately). Maybe even someone he doesn’t expect to fall for but does so anyways. It would be more realistic as Viv wants as well as more healthy. That for once he isnt sex or money craved instantly, thus doesnt sexually harass/assault and is given a proper chance to develop and grow a friendship and love. Someone who isnt an addict. Someone with an on-par mindset where they click. Someone open to love. For any chance of a good relationship, Angel needs to be with anyone BUT who we’ve already seen. There’s too much toxicity that’ll be swept under the rug and justified otherwise. Too much shit to fuel homophobes in terms of gay stereotypes. Even though Ive focused a fair bit on Angel, it’s NOT just about Angel. That’s something fans forget. Some he depends on or someone who depends on him in the long term wont last and will be very dangerous to both. Just because you suffer, you dont then deserve to be rewarded with ‘something nice’. You dont get to have everything youve ever wanted. Giving him any of these blokes [minus Val] gives him a pass. Gives him what he wants. I get Viv loves him but life doesnt work that way. True lasting growth comes from learning that. Acceptance and growth. You dont get everything you want and sometimes thats a GOOD thing. He’s not a spoilt kid who gets everything he asks for, he’s YOUR creation. If you really wanted what your creations deserve then you need to research and be realistic with it. Because hes starting to feel like a shitty Gary-Stu at this rate.” Sorry for that copypaste clusterfuck. Copy paste is not my forte lol Now Husk. Remember Big? Probably not after the info overload, but if you do GREAT. Big needed love, patience, understanding, someone who could help him, someone who understood and respected his boundaries. I spent so much damn time and now he cuddles up and exposes his tummy because I make him feel understood, loved and safe. He NEVER purred or meowed (why would he need to meow when he didnt speak to humans?) but now he does. He lives on the streets of a neighbourhood with rough folk. He used to draw blood and go rabid on my arms. But I was patient and showed him that I understood his reasons but that he was safe with me and had no need to strike out. I never pushed his boundaries let alone doing it multiple times (the rl angel I know is fucking skilled at pushing cat’s boundaries and wonders why they all huddle up to me and avoid her lol). Husk is an unavailable man. Romantic/Sexual love does NOT heal his wounds. But thats the only thought fans and the team have given on his side. He needs love to ‘fix’ him. The WORST reason to get with someone. Theyre not a project and you arent a fucking miracle worker. Treat them as an equal. He needs a good friend. JUST a friend. Like Big, he needs patience, trust, understanding, and extensive help (arguably more intense than Angel’s). He needs to love himself a bit more FIRST. Someone who respects his boundaries INSTANTLY. Someone relatable and similar, open to love not just sex and not as troubled (if they are, they need to handle it way better, healthily and overall be in a good mindspace). Viv can ship whatever the fuck tickles her fancy, but once your passion project becomes public and funded, you have set responsibilities on how to address and handle sensitive issues as well as having to accept criticism. If Husk goes sober in the name of love (ESPECIALLY with the guy not respecting his boundaries and sexually harassing him), then it’s a fucking INSULT to alcoholics.  I know a few rl Husks but there’s one that anyone who knows me enough knows the man I hold closest to my heart was an alcoholic and spitting of Husk. That’s why Husk’s character means so much to me. But there’s only 2 here who know a bit more of this man. This is something Id hoped to not share so soon, nor as messy. And Im already getting waterworks because this is FAR from easy. I guess Husk became the very thing *I* needed in order to face this. This man was my grandfather. WAS. I cant even fucking accept that. I was a fucking child. I feel stupid being so open about this over some stupid cartoon but it just shows the real life effects this has on REAL fucking people. This man was old and lonely. Always at the pubs. He taught me card games, card tricks and card magic as well as one of his own sons dealing with a gambling addiction. I feel so fucking stupid crying about this- I dont want to open up but its the only way I feel I can get people to understand my side in all of this. This man was a fucking MESS. A closed off, lonely, grumpy old bastard. He lost his love because of his alcohol addiction and never found love again. Never got over that woman. (Shes still kicking and we’re close - im keeping some things under wraps between them as its not my place). Gave up on life and love. Worked hard at his fixation on cards and puzzles, as well as crass jokes and knowledge. But he was very lazy otherwise. Bitter and angry. And you know what? He was my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being because he was the first person to love and accept me for me. He treated me as an equal and helped me grow as a person. In fact... He was only ever happy around us kids. He had hope again. Protected me. He used to hate gays and blacks and you know what? He taught HIMSELF as to why that was shitty thinking. He taught ME about differences in people and to accept it. He taught me that you dont always have to understand to accept. He taught me poker and... swears admittedly. He was a beautiful soul that was broken inside. He needed to love himself. But you know what actually fucking happened? You know what I watched as a kid? I watched as he smoked until every morning he woke throwing up phlegm just to BREATHE. I watched as sometimes the light in his eyes died and through smoke breaks and early drinking how he’d sometimes slip and show me his pain. And we’d have deep talks about it and the world and everything. How alcohol ruined his life yet he craved it. His scent. I remember arguments I wasnt supposed to overhear and growing up seeing him fucking DIE slowly in a hospital bed. The man he was ended up as a fucking husk. His skin was bloated and purple, he was half machine on how much shit he was hooked up to. How he was barely a man at all. He was dying of cancer and he fucking knew and never told us. His cancer meds gave him horrid hallucinations. And I practically spent most of my time in that hospital because TWO people had cancer. Two stunning people had fucking stupid bastard cancer. He was a fuck up. He was flawed to shit. But seeing glimpses of the real him was a fucking ethereal experience. He made me feel like a PERSON. And all we could do in the end was watch him just die. He WANTED to die and you could see it but hed only eat around us to fake fight out of his own hubris and not wanting to let us down. That year, I watched 2 of the only people who ever gave a shit about me die the most dishonourable deaths God could have gave them. Years prior I watched his son gamble EVERYTHING away - his lover, his house, his everything. Hes a moderate gambler now with a partner who never had a history of any addiction. She helps keep him in line as he helps her. But most nights I fucking dream of this shit. I cant even think about my hero because I fucking weep. I still have nightmares. Im still up thinking how I could have saved him from himself when it’s him who was the only one able to. I have to live my life with those memories and I was just a kid. Im a full woman and Im still haunted by it. Even that year is blasphemy and I fucking hate it. I want to take him in my arms, hold him and tell him he’s enough. That its ok and he can get through this. Anything that reminds me of him, I love because I know the other side. The real side. The side not tethered to vices. When I see people like that, I pray they see themselves like that too and I want to help them see it. Tell them that they can live again. It’s better than fucking decaying in a hospital bed. That when people make this sorta shit into a cute quirk it’s not. And it’s dickheads like me who have actually seen it play in the real world to REAL people they love. They arent a fucking accessory to fix for your own narrative. They arent a fuckin performing monkey. At least with Rick and Morty it’s kinda humorous and never played for some shitty toxic ship to appeal to everyone who’s never had to face that shit themselves. And Im like my old man but with more hope and no addiction. I drink and I gamble but I’ll never let myself get that low. Because I honour him but Im not as fucking saft. I wont allow it even though it’s a fucking battle. Those addictions are in the blood. My family history. Its always been so fucking normal. I’ll never knock someone for an addiction or try to preach them out of it because theres often pain fueling it, but I’d never encourage it or toxic faux cures and stupid romance promises as some bullshit MLM remedy either. I KNOW it’s fiction but I want people to see the real side. I want VIV to see the real side. Id willingly for FREE fucking sing that shit if it meant spreading a good message. Because this is fucking hell. FIXING IT: The ship’s basis is too set in stone now - too familiar to change. Best is to never let it be canon. Because you know what else it teaches? That rOmAnCe cures all. Not therapy. Not rehab. Not any REAL work. Just fuck and date it all away as if it’s that easy. It’s a mockery! I tried to be professional about this but when the media bombards this shit constantly, the has the AUDACITY to play like it’s giving a good message is salt to the wounds. A kiss with a fist. An old man dont care for the petty teen drama that Angel and Cherri (even fuckin Al) thrive on. Want this to send a good message still? Angel hates rejection and thinks everyone wants him. Have Husk reject him. Especially because no one should go out with someone whos sexually harassed them there. Been there, done that got the fuckin tshirt. Have Husk reject Angel the way Gravity Falls has Wendy reject Dipper. It helped Dipper move on and mature, and this is what Angel needs for growth and to be more humble.  Husk would be a fucking excellent mentor to Angel, a friend and protector, someone who shows him the ropes like Grunkle Stan like a grandfather figure. To not fall for his mistakes. Husk would be a better expert than any of them plus it balances the power dynamtic. It’s healthy and realistic. Touches the topic with the sensitivity it needs. Not everything needs a ship or romance. Wounds healed that way dont stay healed long. Angel seems more fitting as a son like figure, and he can play that dad like role for him. And if any of the team EVER saw this, fucking take this idea. Its YOURS. FREE. FOREVER. If we wanna play this NDA but still reblog some of the story telling arts and have some of our team indulge in it. I wont sue. Fucking TAKE IT if it means doing this shit right because Spindlehorse have beautifully triggered so many different people and their different traumas to please teenagers sexual fantasies, their own kinks and for a jolly good joke.  This is a bastard long read and Ive had to face the traumas again but if good can come from it then I’ll GLADLY dance this duet again. Stans, Antis, dont even TEMPT interaction. You arent brave sending suicide threats behind a screen, youre a coward and a waste of oxygen. I WANT Hazbin and Helluva to succeed. I want Viv and her crew to do well. Trust me, I wouldnt waste my time if I didnt give a shit. Viv is fucking gifted and its being wasted if it’s not at her full potential for the approval of a rabid army of kids and immature adults who dont know any better (stans and antis). I know she would like a good and decent fanbase. Stans and antis arent it. Tagging you folks because it’s long but yall actually helped me have the courage to open my trap to this. Screenshots are coming later though all of what Ive said is easily sourced. But this has been days, Im sick, im tired, ive been upset facing my own traumas. If any tags wanna help then by all means but otherwise. @honesthazbinarchives, @siaesnow​ (also added age still bc despite the lack of physical aging, theres also the mental aspect and experiences as well as power dynamics side to it, in case youre wondering), @noirellearts, @enchantedchocolatebars​, @galemalio​ (thank you for letting me weep like a bitch), @angel-blitz​, @critical-hazbin​, @what-the-hazbin​, @hazboobhotel​, @pineapple-critiques-stuff​, @devils-advocutie​, SORRY AGAIN FOR BEING A LIL BITCH FOLKS, I feel awkward like my teen years but yeah- fuck it Im old and imma rot soon anyways. If this experience can help then Ill be glad.

[writing-for-me-at-this-point]

iv. Relationships w/ MC | Obey Me | Actor AU

Request: Hello! I saw that your ask box is open, so I have come bearing a request. I found ur blog thru your OM actor au and I adore it to bits. Your interpretation of the characters was delightful and the gag/bloopers had me laughing so hard! May you please expand on the au by sharing your relationship headcanons of how the cast interacts or feels about MC (platonic/romantic)? I hope this finds you well 💖💖💖

Word Count: 3225 words

Page Count: 9.2 pages

A.N. Hope you guys enjoy this!

Tags: @weebartistinc​

[ M A S T E R L I S T ]

Lucifer / Benjamin

        The relationship between Benjamin [ Lucifer ] and MC would more like master and apprentice. Think of RDJ and Tom Holland. Ben is more lax than his show counterpart for sure. Where Lucifer would be prideful, Ben is humble, where Lucifer is smug, Ben can be self conscious. I'd like to think the MC of the "real world" thinks much more logically, doesn't throw themselves into things head first and is more calculating. Maybe something more like Satan? 

        Between the two of them, they are lax and playful, throwing inside jokes and playfully fighting. Ben [ Lucifer ] is like the "cool dad" that loves to mess around with his kids, which makes sense because he does have his own, they are fairly young and I can see MC babysitting in case it was needed. There's a deep trust between the two that can't really be described. Ben really wants MC to prosper in their career and will guide them- but he doesn't want to baby them either, he wants them to test the waters on their own. If they ever get overwhelmed he's there for them though.

        His dumbass is forgetful to check his sugar as well, so you can catch MC helping to remind him to check it/eat/drink if needed. He didn't have the most welcoming background- he didn't have the support system a child needs, so he strives to be that and forgets to care for himself often.

        "I want to give my kids everything I never had and more, just like how I want it for you too, MC."

Mammon / Avery 

        Avery [ Mammon ] is very business oriented and formal. MC and him would get along well, like their Obey Me counterparts, but just more lax and less chaotic. I see them as the type to go on coffee dates to catch up and get away from it all, seeing as how famous he is, he often likes to find smaller and less well known places to dwell. Enjoys the small and peaceful moments with MC and they can relate with being the most famous of the cast- so they often get treated the same.

        I can see them having a deep platonic and familial connection while also being distant. Avery has trouble opening up due to being frequently used for his money, and though he and MC are on the same playing field, he has his moments where he needs to back away and recuperate. And though he is distant, if MC or himself were to ever need anything, they're at each other's beck and call. Think of the relationship as: MC is the younger sibling that was born like... 10 years after Avery and he is the older brother, they are distant at times, but still love each other deeply and fiercely.

        "MC, what do you think of this new script- who is that on your page? They're liking too many pictures at once... a bit desperate- don't you think?"

Leviathan / Jackson

        This one... is a little complicated. Really- he's a fuck boy and he doesn't care. I can see him as very... objectifying- and not just sexually either. He can see how to use someone to their fullest advantage, but only for his sake, just for to further himself or satisfy any needs he has. MC is a playful flirt, but once Jackson [ Leviathan ] starts to pull the moves, I can see MC pulling back quickly and isolating away from him. Until there is a serious moment where Jackson can prove that he can provide something meaningful to the relationship- it's going to remain cold and formal. MC isn't playing games.

        This can be one of the few relationships that, if managed properly by MC and Jackson [ Leviathan ], can make their relationship to a more friends with benefits type or something romantic. Jackson [ Leviathan ] needs to learn how to stop seeing people as tools and more like... people. MC, in turn, would need to learn boundaries for themselves. They'd probably be so used to accepting people that keeping Jackson at a distance would be weird and almost foreign to them. If they both want things to work out for a proper, and healthy, relationship- it's going to be a lot of work.

        "MC, come here, I need you for something. Hm? No, no- nothing like that. I thought maybe... we could just hang out? Normally?"

Satan / Ross

        Honestly? MC could do better than Jackson [ Leviathan ] and Ross is it, babes. He is definitely the most understanding of MC and takes their own emotions into consideration. Wow kinda like Satan. He still does those live streams and gets smacked on a couple of grams, so MC is there either smoking as well or just getting hot boxed, their tiger dyed cats running everywhere. The live stream then turns into a kitten purring ASMR, then eventually, everyone is asleep on a live stream together. Ross [ Satan ], is a sweetheart as well, remembers the little things about MC and will make them special gifts or gestures for them. Is the type of boyfriend to leave random kisses on them just because.

        Ross [ Satan ], also likes to talk, so he does like to pick MC's mind and see how they think- which in turn touches their heart because WOW. A guy they like isn't using them or being a general ass? He doesn't play around, so if you want a relationship prepare to be in something for the long haul, family affairs are now your business as well. He is super close with his younger brother Dmitri [ Luke ], so you need his approval as well. Ross also can help with building confidence and a stronger self image, but a major downside is that he is lazy, like, he is really fucking lazy. He's tired though, with his job, the animal shelters, watching his brother, and avoiding... them- he wants to just be a homebody. MC does a lot of home dates, but they end up very fulfilling because it's Ross, he knows how make make even the smallest moments feel like everything.

        "Look at ya, MC! Damn, you always have me fallin' for ya all over again."

        "I'm in sweatpants and a tanktop, babe, nothin' special."

        "And you make 'em look fine as hell. Now come 'ere, let's watch a movie, look-! An MC sized space is here, right between my arms, neat right?"

Asmodeus / Micheal

        He's like the best friend who acts like the wine mom. He's the wine mom. He's mom. Always come to him for help, from either something as small as a rant to larger issues like contracts and relationship advice. This a more platonic/familial relationship that MC would develop. They can delve into more personal and private conversations, confident Micheal has the best intentions and advice, and in turn MC helps him out with what their generation is up to these days.

        Pinching MC's cheeks? Yeah, it's a ritual at this point. Likes to joke that MC is actually his illegitimate child. He also invites them to his vlogs, taking MC out at 2 am to Wendy's and talk about the most random stuff. Maybe hint at new things that are upcoming on the show. He writes TSL, not Alex [ Simeon ], so MC will help him with plot and point out any plot holes as well. 

        "MC, hon, take a nap. You're tired and haven't slept well. I got you food too- no, not Wendy's, actual food. Eat that and go sleep, alright?"

Beelzebub / James

        This can be another contender for a romantic relationship! James [ Beelzebub ] is one of the few actors who is pretty similar to their character, so if you love Beelzebub, you love James, sorry I don't make the rules. It's law. He is still new to the acting scene, so unless MC was an actor as a child as well, they'd bounce tips off one another- things they learn from whoever takes them under their wings. In MC's case, Benjamin [ Lucifer ] is their mentor, and in James' case, Alex [ Simeon ] is his mentor.

        He's very thoughtful, understanding, and compassionate. But, he is a bit of an airhead at times, or he often gets lost in his own head. This is due to him trying to think things through, he gets anxious and wants to perform well in every aspect of his life, so he tends to overthink and try to fix his problems in his head. MC will help him with opening up and stilling his mind into calmer waters. He feels the weight of his family, seeing as he now makes the most, he feels like he should be taking care of all of them- even when they tell him to just enjoy his life as it is. MC would realize he's a family man, so this would be another relationship where commitment is expected, James would rather not just have something casual due to how hectic things in his life get. He also is often with Dmitri [ Luke ], watching him and making sure he's okay, because if his younger siblings were in the same situation, he'd want someone to look out for them too. Dmitri is in love with both MC and James, often messing around or just relaxing with them of Ross [ Satan ] isn't around, so their often known as the "Realm Trio" due to their characters each being a different race.

        "I'm fine, really! I was just... thinking, that's all. I'm happy, really I am, and I want everyone else to be as well. That's it."

Belphegor / Conner 

        MC definitely becomes more chaotic with Conner, he's a sweetheart, but damn can he not sit the fuck down. He can be a bit draining for MC if they aren't in the best of moods, and even then, he just holds this light that makes them happy or feel peaceful. Another romantic/platonic relationship that can happen. This is a relationship where no matter how old they get, what is going on in life, how overwhelmed they feel, MC and Conner [ Belphegor ] will always manage to laugh.

        He is clumsy, especially with the tail, so MC will worry over him on and off set. He is very humble, and grateful for every opportunity he gets, so he faces each day with a smile and the classic southern hospitality- where you say thank you after everything, help anyone even if they aren't struggling, all with a southern drawl that makes MC melt. This is the healthiest relationship to exist, due to how easy Conner can communicate with MC and how MC can pick up on things he might not, there isn't any big issues because they both can just talk it out. Even if it doesn't end up romantic- it's still one of the most fulfilling relationships MC and Conner will have due to just being... them.

        "It's so easy, being with you, and I love that. Loving you is never painful, never tough on me, it's always so... light. So perfect, like you."

Barbatos / Thomas

        Oh my god. He is an absolute ass. He is like the uncle you never wanted, always sarcastic, roasting someone, but in the end he means no harm. MC and him definitely have a darker sense of humor together, getting either morbid or just downright weird, and no one else can decipher that the fuck they're saying because there's too many inside jokes and little intricacies. In the end, he is a ride or die, may not be the best to work with- but MC is now family and Thomas [ Barbatos ] will now kill for them. Congratulations on the achievement!

        Will not allow MC to go to openings or any large events alone, and even if they have another cast member with them, he still keeps an eye on them. He gets anxious, and almost paranoid, his younger sister went missing years ago and never got closure. He see's MC not as his missing sister, but as someone who is in need of that older brother figure, and wants to take that role because it feels so natural. He still ends up as that cool asshole uncle, but he likes that too, as long as MC is with him. There are times where MC will need to help him through some issues, just by being a shoulder to lean on, and in turn they get closer. Thomas didn't expect to get close with many people on the cast, other than his old friends, and taking MC into his family was a surprised for all.

        "Come here, ya annoying ass little kid, give me a hug! What! Come here or I'll chase you around his big ass house, MC!"

Diavolo / Roman 

        MC can be the romantic partner for Roman if you'd like, but I just remembered that I made him have triplets, so unless MC is his partner and willing to have kids, Roman would end up as another Uncle/Father figure. If you go the romantic route, Roman is so deeply in love with MC he will sometimes feel empty of he doesn't tell them he loves them everyday. He is attentive, watchful, and optimistic, always bringing fun into the relationship and making MC feel fulfilled and overflowing with love. But, now with the triplets? Love bomb x10, he loves MC with all his soul, he does, but now he realizes the kids come first and appreciates that they do the same. Prefers to be more private though, won't post whatever he does with the kids or anything like that, he doesn't want spotlights on his children when they never asked for it.

        A more platonic/familial relationship though? Best. Man. Ever. Always taking MC out to eat and keeping up with their needs, doesn't baby them, just keeps a watchful and caring eye. Does this with all the younger cast as well. MC will feel loved, safe, and in harmony. He is a wine dad though, so MC will often bring him drinks so he can unwind, even make cocktails time to time just for practice and will make sure to give any tips he can. MC gets a little too tipsy at a party? Well, since he knows where the party is, shoot him a call and he'll pick his 6'5 ass up outta bed to bring MC either to their home or his. 

        "I've got you, always have, always will. I won't ever let you down, because you deserve the world and all the happiness in it, I just hope I can even be a little piece of it. A reason to make you happy."

Luke / Dmitri

        MC is close with Dmitri no matter what, he's always on set, and MC can't seem to let him leave their sight. Kinda like a parent at the park. Won't exactly just stare at their kid, but will always know where they are, and make sure their within a safe distance. Hollywood is full of some sick fucks and MC will be damned if they'd let anything happen to Dmitri. He gets overwhelmed sometimes, will cry and shake, due to holding in stress from the public. MC will teach him how to cook, rather than bake, because food always brings people together and he wants his family to be together in any way he can do it. 

        Spending time with him means spending time with Ross [ Satan ], so MC ends up close with Ross anyway, and will often be filling up Dmitri's Instagram and other social medias. He is the younger brother MC never had and is ready to be another older sibling for him. If the show goes on for multiple seasons, then it will be set in stone, MC and Luke will be a found family along with the rest of the cast.

        "Thank you for everything, MC. I love you, really, and I want you to be as happy as you can be! You're the best and more!"

Simeon / Alex

        Alex [ Simeon ] is another potential love interest/ close friend. This is the only other relationship that can compete with Ross [ Satan ] and Roman [ Diavolo ]. He is known for his temper, but usually plays it up for comedy, and will never actually "blow up" on anyone that isn't deserving of it. He is a sweetheart, but has a tendency to be materialistic, due to his rich upbringing. He knows material things aren't the answer, but it's a habit/mentality he's working on fixing. He prefers to be more affectionate in private, because he wants to enjoy intimacy with MC without the eyes of the public on them, not because he would want to hide their relationship. 

        He is intelligent as fuck, so MC will be filled with the knowledge of the gods, always learning something new and living a student life that isn't more of a student- but someone that has a love for learning. You know Leonardo in Ikevamp? Yeah- that bitch. That's Alex. Even as a friend MC and Alex would always confuse people due to how close they are, which can be annoying if they are with another cast member, but in the end they know the truth.

        "Ah fuck, MC, I'm trying to cook here, ya dork! Don't yank me around the kitchen! Hey! Loving me isn't an excuse to squeeze the life outta me! MC! Don't run now!"

Solomon / Derek

        So, I honestly had Derek [ Solomon ] as the original love interest, going with the childhood friend trope. MC and Derek would be the ultimate set of goals, and living a fantasy life that most people dream of, the thing you'd see if those overly fluffy fan-fictions. Derek is the more caring and nurturing of the two, while MC is more outgoing and aggressive, and manage to find a happy medium between them. Derek has a calming aura around him and yet is the most socially awkward one in the cast- he will put Leviathan's character to shame with some of the things happened in the past. MC is the biggest tease and will have him flushing like a virgin school boy- and it isn't even sexual, he just flusters easily.

        With Lovely and Blue, MC and Derek are known as the babysitters and pet sitters, and are often looking out for the casts pets and children whenever they need it. The couple everyone wants to end up like. You will never see them in scandals, drama, or anything of the sort- even if they become household names, Derek and MC prefer to keep the details of their lives lowkey. I can't see major issues in this relationship, romantic or platonic, because after knowing each other so long, they can communicate in their own ways.

        "Blue, stay stiiiiiiiiill. Fine, leave. MC, come here, I need a pillow and Blue won't love me. Thank you- oh! Now you come, Blue? Jealous much?"

[seventeensarmy]

(3) Stuck With You (OT7!HybridAu)

Pairing: OT7xReader, Jungkook x Reader, soon Jimin x Reader x Jungkook; rest will come in the course of the story

Warnings: a tiny bit angst, fluff, toxic relationship to food, abuse (Like one slapp), flashbacks of JK´s past, tell me if I missed something

Words: 4.204

Summary: Jungkook´s shopping trip brought something home that wasn´t on the shopping list

A/N: I planned to upload this earlier, but TikTok came in the way, sorry

Previous / Next 

Chapter three

“ You're older than me? But you are soo small ”

Taglist: @imezz​ @anxietylovesme​ @holaaaf​ @ot7purple​ @calling-dips-on-j-hope​ @greezenini​ @givebuckysomelove​

(not my gif)

One year ago (Reader 20/ JK 20/ JM 22) "Kookie, can you buy me some of that matcha detox powder?", you asked your boyfriend who was about to leave to go groceries shopping. You sat on your knees on the couch, hopping to appear bigger so he would see you. Jungkook groaned and looked at you, "What do you need that for?" You looked passed him, thinking of your next words. It was powder to help you lose weight, with Jungkook forcing you to have at least to meals and one snack a day you felt like you gained weight. Weight that would have made your mum make you go on an ice cube diet for weeks. So you felt like your solution to lose weight should be taken better by the bunny than what you could have done instead. Jungkook wasn't stupid, he knew what you would use detox matcha powder for, but he wanted to see if you would lie to him. He started to inform himself about diets and work out methods as soon as he could, he wanted to better understand what you doing to yourself and he himself wanted to work on his body. He was trying really hard to get you to understand, that your way of viewing food, weight and your body was a toxic view that your parents taught you. And while you knew, that your parents weren't the best, you found it hard to let go of the way that things have been. "Baby, look at me. What do you want that for?" Jungkooks voice was gently, but firm enough for you to understand, that he wouldn't ask again. You looked at him and bit your lip, "Well first of all, it's really good for your body, it gets rid of all the bad stuff in your body.", you started and Jungkook scoffed, doubting that there would be too much 'bad stuff' in your body, seeing as you were living strictly plant based. Claiming you couldn't eat animals, when your boyfriend was last animal and you didn't want to hurt anyone. Jungkook had cooed when you told him that, thinking how cute his little dancer was, though that didn't stop him from sometimes enjoying a nice steak or fried chicken (not too often though, because he also had a strict diet, due to his rabbit parts). But not only did you live plant based, you also never ate any junk food and sweets. So what bad toxins were you keeping in your body that you needed to get rid of? "Is that all Baby girl? Just having a little detox?" You wanted to scream, you didn't want to lie to him, he would be able to tell right away, you knew that he knew, but you didn't want to see his disappointed face. You sighed defeated, "It also helps with weight loss" You didn’t know what to expect, would he yell? No, Jungkook never raised his voice at you, but he didn’t need to. He could voice his disappointment just fine with a calm voice. "y/n. We talked about this." Jungkook let out a tired sigh. You felt bad, biting your lip, you knew he worried about you, but you didn't really see any other solutions. Your mothers’ words burned too deep in your head. "I know Kookie, but, the competition is just a week away and Ive been eating a lot recently" you tried to tell him, stuttering. You hadn't noticed that he had moved from the door to the couch and was now kneeling in front of you. Jungkook furrowed his brows, what should he do. He saw your slouched position and how you were avoiding his gaze, he knew you were wary if his reaction, because now it was his move, you told him what he wanted to hear. "Okay" Jungkook breathed out, having decided on plan. "I'll buy it. But I'll keep it and you only get to take some after you ask me. Got it? And no other tricks." He was stern, but he figured, that this way he could help you easier. He just needed to slowly show you, that there was no need for such radical diets. He saw a documentary on eating disorders and while he was no expert, Jungkook realised that people suffering from it, often didn't even realise it or don't see it as abnormal behaviour. So he tried to reteach you, trying to destroy the ideas of beauty your mother gave you. Helping with and controlling your diet plan was a new strategy, but he was sure, it only could be better than the last. Over the years Jungkook had tried again and again to make you see your toxic behaviour towards food, sadly it often ended in arguments. Leaving you crying and Jungkook frustrated. You knew Jungkook didn't like how or what you ate and you saw the disappointment every time you turned down a new dish, because you didn't know how many calories it had. Your eyes met his and though you were happy, this win for you came with a lot of guilt and you almost told Jungkook he shouldn't buy the powder, then your mother’s voice reminded you, "It's important to look pretty, the judges will like that. So even if you can't dance, you can at least be pleasing to the eye" Jungkooks hand came to cup your face, "I love you, you know that right? And I only want you to be happy and healthy" you were looking into his eyes, nodding. Jungkook wanted to say more, telling you that he knew that being happy and healthy was lying in two different directions right now, but he knew that this would upset you, so he kept quiet. "I love you too Kookie, I know you want me to be happy and I'm happy whenever I'm with you" you smiled, turning your head to kiss the palm of the hand; that was cupping your face. Jungkook pulled you down for a real kiss before standing up and grabbing the shopping bag again. "I'll be back in like an hour or so okay? Be good, love you" Jungkook yelled and left the house. You knew what he meant when he asked you to be good, don't train. You already practiced for hours today, so he would expect you to rest for the remaining day. And you found yourself listening to him, being actually exhausted from dancing all morning. You grabbed a book from the study your dad used to work in; you changed it into a reading room purely. There were beanbags and a bunch of pillows and two large shelves full of books. Since the weather was nice you decided to read in the garden, sitting down on the Hollywood swing in the back of the garden. Jungkook was walking to the supermarket. It wasn't unusual that he was the one going out for groceries; you were often too tired after your training to do anything. The bunny was sure that part that was due to you not eating enough, he noticed how after a tough day you would shakily sit down and sip your water. He hated how he felt like he couldn't help you. He walked past your elementary school; he remembered how he would always wait for you in your garden. Sometimes you brought your homework with you and explained what you had to do to him. He couldn't always follow the explanation of an eleven year old, but he was thankful for trying. Nowadays he had also started to study with you. Jungkook couldn't do the maths that you could, but he wasn't too worried about that, he saw that school didn't always teach you what you needed to know for life. Best example was biology, why would you, a dancer, need to know about photosynthesis? He didn't understand why they would teach that, they should have teaches you that eating is fu*king important. He crossed the streets, Busan was pretty, he thought. You would be soon, after finishing school in six months, there was nothing keeping you here. Both of you had a lot of bad memories here. You, from your family. Jungkook from his days on the street, he can't really remember if there was a time before he was on the street. He never met his parents, or at least he can't remember them. He also can't remember ever having an owner before meeting you, he just knew the streets and it wasn't easy. The nights were often freezing, he remembers breaking into a shed one night, because rain was pouring down and the bridge he sometimes slept under was flooded. The next morning he was woken up by a screaming woman, who then quickly proceeded to kick him out, yelling something about calling the cops. After he met you, life became easier, but not completely. In the beginning he still didn't have a place to sleep, it had taken you some time till you realised, that he needed some place to sleep. Jungkook wasn't mad that you sometimes kept forgetting to unlock the shed in the back of your garden; you were young and had your own problems. But as soon as you had realised you came running to him, apologising and bringing a bunch of food for him. When it got colder you started to steal some of your dad´s overalls and took pillows and blankets from the guest rooms, your parents never bothered to enter. All so Jungkook wouldn't freeze. As soon as it got cold you also always started to bring him some traditional Christmassy snacks and tea. Jungkook couldn't believe it when you stood in front of him on December 25th, with a present in your hand. "It's not much, but I thought you'd like it. I got it myself”  you said proudly and when Jungkook opened it, he saw a pair of headphones. He was excited that he got a present for the first time, but he was confused what to do with it. He didn't own anything he could plug them into. You noticed this and handed him another box, in it was an ep3 player. Jungkooks eyes grew wide, "Why would you gift me something like that?"  You grinned, "Because I know you'd like it" Jungkook swore he could have started crying then and there, but he opted for pulling you into a bone crushing hug. That night he fell asleep, listening to the music you downloaded onto the player. Jungkook kept walking, thanking whoever was responsible for him ending up with you. While he was walking he realised, that there was your old dancing studio on the way. He remembered the time, where the teacher didn't come to your house and someone had to drive you here, your mother never wanted to do it, so she hired a private trainer for you, who came over. Sometimes he would even pick you up from school, so you could immediately start practicing; those were the days when you were too tired to even wave Jungkook who was living in the shed in your garden. You told him that having a private teacher had a lot of pros, seeing as the teacher had his whole attention on you, but that also meant that you couldn't dance with you friends anymore or have a group play, from that point on, you always danced alone. Jungkook stopped at the window of the studio, watching the children dance. As he continued to walk, he saw someone dance in the back. Jungkooks eyes grew big, that was a hybrid dancing. He tried to make out what kind of hybrid though, probably cat by the way he elegantly jumped, his bushy tail helping him keeping the balance, but a beanie covered his ears, so he wasn't 100% sure. Before he could continue to walk, Jungkook saw how an elderly man came up to the hybrid, starting to yell at him. Jungkook couldn't tell what they were talking about, but he guessed it was about the hybrids dance, because the man kept showing him with gestures what the hybrid should do. The hybrid said something; his tail was slowly swaying from side to side, meaning he was getting angry. Jungkook had his fair share of meet and greets with stray cats, so he knew when to back off. The man didn't apparently, because faster than Jungkook could track the movements of the man’s hand was the hybrids face slapped and turned to the side. The man had slapped him, the hybrid stood stiff. Jungkook didn't know what happened next, because something wet hit him, then again. He looked up to see dark clouds forming in the sky, he cursed and started to walk quickly to the store, knowing you didn't like him being out when it rains or starts to get dark. As he arrived at the shop he pulled out the shopping list you wrote him and he marvelled again how pretty your handwriting was. He grabbed the veggies that you needed for dinner tomorrow and decided he would try to prepare steak again. The last time he tried to make it, it ended up being really though and he couldn't even chew it properly. He grabbed to already cut steaks, in case he would ruin one again and headed to the next aisle. The shelf in front of him was full with protein and weight loss powders, how was he supposed to know what to buy. He sighed and texted you, if you had any specific wishes. While he waited for your reply he continued to stroll through the market, grabbing some snacks, dips and frozen berries that you could use to make smoothies with. When you didn't answer after ten minutes he decided to just grab something himself. He studied the content of the boxes and compered them, because he still didn't want to just grab anything, when it was you who would consume it. Jungkook was a bit worried and annoyed when you didn't even answer, after he was already on his way back home. It didn't help his mood that the rain was still pouring down. Jungkook pulled his hood deeper, regretting that he bought so much, that he was now carrying five shopping bags. It was starting to get dark and there was almost no one on the streets, that why Jungkook was surprised to see someone sitting on the ground. He scoffed at first, why would someone sit outside in the ground while it was raining. When he walked closer he recognised that the building the person was sitting in front of was your old dance studio. And then he realised who that person was, it was the hybrid who got slapped. Next to him a small bag and Jungkook put two and two together, not thinking much before coming to a halt in front of the hybrid. The hybrid immeasurable looked up, hissing at Jungkook and Jungkook quickly understood why. His hood covered his ears and the rain probably washed most of his scent away. He slowly pulled his hood down, revealing his bunny ears and the hybrids position changed. "What do you want?" asked the hybrid a bit annoyed, but Jungkook didn't let himself be irritated by that, he had seen that the hybrid had a bad day. "I- I was wondering if you are alright? I saw you dancing earlier. I also saw what that man did." Jungkook didn't sound as confident as he wanted to, but while he was speaking he realised that he had no idea what he was even doing. The hybrids eye grew wide, "You saw?" Jungkook felt guilty as he looked into the hybrids eyes. Should he have done something? He couldn't have just walked in there and told the man off, maybe if he was a human, but not as a hybrid, he would have been probably slapped too. "Yeah.. I was passing by when I saw. Did he kick you out?" Jungkooks eyes landed on the bag next to the hybrid, "Gee, what gave you that impression?" the hybrid scoffed sarcastic, but quickly caught himself, "He was unsatisfied with my dancing for a while now, I guess me talking back didn't really help my cause. Who knows, maybe he's right" the way the hybrid talked remembered him of you, before his mind told him otherwise his heart already spoke for him. "Do you want a place to stay? It's supposed to be raining all week. Trust me; it’s not fun looking for shelter in the rain." The hybrid narrowed his eyes, looking for a sign, that this could be a trap, but he only found Jungkooks sincere eyes. The hybrids gaze softened and he agreed, he too thought it would be hard to find a place to sleep, so when a nice bunny hybrid offered shelter he wouldn't say no. "Great!" Jungkook smiled his bunny smile, "I'm Jungkook, by the way. And since we have the same destination, how about you take one or two of the shopping bags?" The hybrid stood up and Jungkook smiled as he saw, that the man in front of him was smaller than him. The hybrid pulled off his hat, combed quickly through his blond hair and put the beanie back one. Jungkook saw that the hybrid in front of him a cat was, which should have made him feel unsafe, but right now Jungkook could only focus on his dripping wet clothes. It must have been an hour since he left you at home and you also still didn't text back. The cat took some bags, before looking at Jungkook, "I'm Jimin" The men walked in a quick pace back to your home, doing some light small talk. "You're older than me? But you are soo small" Jungkook exclaimed, earning an evil glance from the man next to him which made him shut up real quick. They didn't have long till they reached the house when Jimin spoke up again, "So your owner..." Jimin realised that Jungkooks owner probably didn’t sent him out to get groceries and a new hybrid, he didn’t want the younger one to get in trouble, but when he saw a loving smile growing on the bunny’s face he relaxed a bit. "Oh y/n! She's amazing, she'll be surprised when she sees us both, but I'll talk to her. She won't mind you staying with us, we have more than enough room at the house" Jimin wondered how the house would look like if Jungkook said, that the house was big. His last owner lived in the tiny flat above the dance studio, so Jimin couldn't imagine how a spacious house would look like. Now that he saw Jungkook up close he recognised that the clothes he wore were from pretty big and expensive fashion labels. Jimin couldn't deny it, Jungkook was pretty handsome, he could imagine how the bunny would look under him. "It's just around the corner", Jungkook said and Jimin looked at his surroundings, they were definitely in the more wealthy part of town and Jimin started to think about how you would be. Jungkook said you were amazing, maybe you were a lawyer or a business woman, and you were probably pretty busy if you sent Jungkook for groceries. He imagined a woman in her thirties maybe, you would have to be pretty rich to be here. Jungkook opened the gate to the house and Jimin looked amazed. It was a two story building, not necessarily a mansion, but big enough that Jimin understood why Jungkook said, that space isn't an issue. They walked through the front door to be met by silence. "She's probably sleeping" Jungkook said as he took off his shoes and Jacket, telling Jimin he would take his Jacket so they could dry it. Jungkook explained Jimin were the kitchen was and asked him to put the groceries there while he sorted out their drenched jackets. Jimin was amazed as he walked through the house, almost scared to get to close things in case he broke them. There was a sculpture in the entrance hall that he was sure cost more than his last owner would make in a year. He looked at the pictures in the hall, almost everyone had a small girl in it, he decided that this was probably the daughter of y/n. He smelled the place, but Jungkooks was the most prominent, though he could make out something sweet, which alone gave him a comfortable feeling already. "Yah, you're slow" came Jungkook from behind, carrying the rest of the bags. They quickly sorted the food in the kitchen, well more like Jungkook did that and Jimin was amazed by how many things they had in the kitchen. "Okay, you should meet y/n real quick then you can have a shower", Jungkook said looking at the older who nodded, a bit nervous. There was a chance that you would tell him to go, he looked out the window, it just stopped raining, but that would only be for today. "She should be in the living room, I looked in the bedroom already" Jungkook mumbled and walked with big steps to the next room, only to find it empty. Jungkook groaned and threw his head back, exposing his neck, hut Jimin shouldn't focus on that, y/n was missing apparently. Not for long though, because the second Jungkook saw the open garden door he huffed annoyed. "She better pray she only just went out now and did not fall asleep in the rain. I swear to god" there were a few more curse words and Jimin looked at Jungkook, why would he talk like that about his owner? It's not like the bunny could actually do something. But Jimin was even more confused when Jungkook came back with the girl from the pictures. That couldn't be y/n the owner, you were so young. Your sweet scent filled the room, but it didn't match your whiny tone or Jungkooks mad face. "Kookie", you whined, curling further into his arms, as he was carrying you, your clothes were wet. You had fallen asleep on the Hollywood swing and had luck, that it was partially covered, so you weren't completely exposed to the rain. "Don't 'Kookie' me, baby. I told you to be good didn't I? And where to I find you? Outside, completely soaked and asleep" Jimin turned his head to fast he swore he got whiplash. 'Baby'?! Jimin had the feeling this wasn't really an owner-pet situation, the way Jungkook spoke, even if it was low, because you were still sleepy, made Jimin want to drop to his knees. Which would never happen of course, seeing as A) Jungkook obviously already had someone and B) Park Jimin would never fall to his knees to submit to someone. You opened your eyes to look up to Jungkook and pouted, "I was good. I was reading, it's not my fault I fell asleep, I wasn't planning on it" Jungkook chuckled quietly at how whiny you sounded at the aspect of not being a good girl. He quickly kissed you, forgetting the cat that was looking with big eyes, only as he sat you down, he realised he should maybe make you aware of your new guest. "Baby, there is something I should tell you. On the way back, there was a small incident, that lead me to take a hybrid with me" he carefully watched your reaction, while Jungkook was pretty much in charge, this was still your house and in a way he only had power because you let him. He knew with other people it wouldn't be like that. You blinked slowly, "Wait a hybrid? Another bunny?" you asked him, before your eyes found Jimin and quickly realised, that he was not a bunny. "He has nowhere to go, baby. You know we have enough room", Jungkook continued and you nodded, "A serious incident?" You asked and both men nodded. "Okay, stay as long as you need. I'm y/n" A smile grew on both men’s faces and the cat quickly introduced himself as Jimin. After that you and Jungkook showed him his new room and the bathroom he could use, before leaving him on his own. In your shared bedroom you removed your clothes, shivering in the cold, quickly jumping into the shower with Jungkook, who started to massage shampoo in your hair. You lean back and enjoy the sensation, "Such a good girl" he praised, "Letting someone in need stay here. My little dancer has such a big heart. Love you" you didn't know, why he was thanking you for letting Jimin stay, as if you would let him back on the streets. You smiled up at him, "My big bunny saved him in the first place didn't he?" you asked, only to sneeze immediately after, Jungkook groaned. "Of course now you're getting sick. Because you just had to fall asleep in the rain", he complained, but you both knew that in the end he didn't mind taking care of you.

Next 

[cynical-amphisbaenia]

Hello!! I was wondering if i could get a classpect analysis! My hobbies are rollerskating, playing the drums, and animation // im 16 (almost 17) lesbian esfp (by functions) 7w8 // im not at all interested in spiritual/supernatural things (im scared of them actually haha) // i loooove (especially 80s-90s japanese) city pop and future funk but im also a fan of more mellower bands like roar, vacations, and tv girl // ive had to deal with a lot of shitty circumstances out of my control the past two years and coming out of it i lost a lot of friends due to distance and gained a disliking towards having to care for old people lmao // my favorite colors are gold and red, my favorite animals are pandas (or just bears in general) and if i could be anywhere in the world rn id want to be at a huge waterpark or amusement park // i struggle with time management but i absolutely wont make it other people's problems // i care for my little siblings a lot and a lot of ppl tell me i have big sister vibes // my self esteem and mood is usually pretty shakey and can change pretty fast // some of my bigger kins are reki from sk8 the infinity, kou minamoto from jshk, and hilda from hilda on netflix // i hate math and science (biology esp) lol it took me years to realize i was only staying in engineering classes because my friends were in them // i love spontaneous things like trips to gas stations with friends but i hate being put on the spot when it's out of my control like having to answer a question idk in class // i also do archery and enjoy working out! // my strengths are my ability to emotionally understand people and being able to help them when i can // another strength would probably be that i never get angry and am really optimistic towards others (i struggle with putting myself outside of my comfort zone bc of negative thoughts and self doubt, i feel best when i just rush into things without thinking cuz then i have no opportunity to think negatively) any situation where i dont have an opportunity to overthink is one im happy in // i hate being alone at school // my favorite anime genres are action, drama, and comedy and i rly rly like non-linear storytelling!! I aspire to write or draw storyboards for cartoons when im older and writing has always been my strong suit // My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation // i have a big sweet tooth! I love cooking healthy food as well // and lastly im pretty quiet but enjoy making fun of my friends and myself with their boundaries in mind // i hope that's not too much information! Tysm for offering to classpect ppl <33

Hello, thanks for asking! You're most likely a Maid of Breath. You were forced to deal with Breath in the form of distance from your friends, but have instead learnt to use Breath in your own way through various aspects of your personality and creating it (such as via non-linear storytelling). You’re also friendly and care greatly for the people in your life, which can be Maid traits, and perhaps some of your Blood-like traits may have been learnt from the way you were forced to deal with Breath.

On that note, due to your Blood-like traits, you may also want to consider Rogue of Blood. You do tend to value friendships greatly and Rogues can sometimes struggle with lacking their aspect (your distance from friends). This is less likely though, as your traits are overwhelmingly more Breath-oriented than Blood-oriented, and a Rogue of Blood generally would have more Blood traits. 

If you’re undecided between the two, I would ask yourself how do you help your friends more often - by stealing Blood (e.g. stealing away their obligations, redistributing their relationships) or creating Breath (e.g. creating inspiration, improving their freedom)?

Additionally, you could consider Hope (optimism, imagination, however it is more likely to connect to spiritual ideas) and Heir (as you appear to be naturally drawn to Breath, however Heirs tend to be much more focused on their aspect and not involve components of their opposite). 

Also, you appear to be a Prospit dreamer and you may want to consider Jade as a blood colour (take the blood colour with a grain of salt though as I don’t have as much information for this as I do for your classpect/lunar sway). 

I hope this helps! As usual, I will reblog this with additional links you may use to help you further and feel free to ask me any kind of follow up question. ^^

[optimisticfilmcritic]

74 Days Later

W.O.A.H. That last post was fucking HARD to read. I was in a bad place. One of the worst Iv been. Probably ever.. but notice I said “was”. Past tense. that’s because as bleak as all of it was, as endless as that bottomless pit felt. it wasn’t. I realized I was just in a wind tunnel, and the lights were out in the facility due to a strange storm system in the area called Tropical Storm Clinical Depression. So I called the electric company called Therapist Prescribed Pharmaceuticals  and I have seen the light. I’m a new me. no more anxiety, no more depression, no more worries. I’m down to 205 lbs, eating totally healthy. I just started my dream job today making a lot more money to start than i have ever made anywhere! Had an unexpectedly passionate night with an old friend for the first time in a long fucking time, and may be circling a potential relationship with her, i have multiple friendships flouring in all kinds of different places, I’m keeping my apartment clean, I’m smoking as much weed as I want because I can afford to, and I’m going wherever the fuck I want because I can, and I finally want to. Wanting these things is a huge deal, but most importantly, I have not only rediscovered my love for cinema, but I have taken up the hobby of cooking, And I absolutely love it! New recipes and spices and kitchen wears. I am making healthy food my priority, but I’m learning the best shit for my weekly cheat meals as well. I am doing better than I have ever been doing, and better every day. I’m finally finding my stride as a person, i finally see a future, and I’m finally enjoying the now. In 74 days I climbed from my almost absolute rock bottom, to now endlessly descending into the clouds without a care in the world. Who says things never change?

[alicedoessurveys]

25 Questions

1. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news? it was literally today and it was fantastic news; we found out the gender of my sisters baby that is due later this year... im going to have a niece!! 2. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? my parents sort the food, and any of us fill/refresh the water bowl whenever its needed 3. Have you ever taken a “break” of any sort in a relationship? Describe the break. never been in a relationship, but I guess ive taken ‘breaks’ in friendships  4. Name all the places you’ve taken and posted surveys before. I dont remember, mostly just here 5. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? yup I organise them into folders so I dont go insane trying to find things

6. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? if its totally innocent and you are 100% sure theres no chance of temptation then yes I think so. but I know if it were my and my boyfriend had a sleepover with another girl I wouldn't like it  7. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? nope  8. Have you ever had a really bad landlord? If you have, what did they do that made you feel this way about them? I have not 9. Have you ever helped somebody pack up and move out of their home or apartment? Was it difficult or easy? What made it so difficult or easy? yes ive helped my sister both times she moved. it was difficult getting things organised and unpacking was worse than packing  10. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? not really no because I doubt that what ive created is good 11. Does it annoy you when the first question of a survey states that it will be intense, but the entire survey is filled with typical, boring questions? not annoy me nope im just like meh 12. Which of the following would you rather be: a police officer, a fire fighter, or a paramedic? police  13. Who do you tend to have very deep, meaningful conversations with? nick or mom  14. Does the majority of the music you listen to have a lot of cursing or very little? What about when you were younger, did your parents approve of you listening to music with explicit or vulgar lyrics? I have some songs that have swearing in yes but its only ever one or two words. I dont like songs that are packed with swearing or vulgar lyrics.  15. What was the last website you made an account on? Had you visited this site many times before you actually made the account, or was it a new site to you? instagram. I set up a photography account on there just last week, ive been on it multiple times every day since  16. How many questions within a question is too many? Does it annoy you when surveys ask you more than one question at once, or do you like that it gives you more reason to talk about the topic? I dont like questions that have more than one question really 17. Do you think surveys are a good way to release your anger and stress, or does ranting end up making you more angry most times? I think its good it helps to process thoughts and to get them out is healthy 18. Have you ever had to be the peace-maker in a fight? Is this something you enjoy doing or do you dislike it? im usually the peace maker in most fights  19. Do you know much about healthy relationships? Have you ever had an unhealthy relationship (not just with a significant other, but with anyone)? What about a healthy relationship? ive not been in a relationship  20. Do you like to sleep the day away or wake up early enough that you have a full day ahead of you? I dont like to wake up too late but I also cannot deal with waking up early. 8.30/9am is okay 21. Are there any usernames on Xanga that you think are catchy/creative/interesting?  I have no idea what youre talking about  22. Have you made any changes to your appearance recently? If you have, did these changes boost your confidence level, keep it the same over all, or lower your self-esteem in any way? I have not nope 23. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? all the bloody time yes, my dad is the worst for this. it frustrates me because its an illness I cant just switch it off  24. Is your house big enough, or do you wish it was bigger? its okay, but I would like a bigger kitchen and bathroom 25. If you have more than one best friend, are they all best friends (like a group of best friends) or are they only YOUR best friend? my best friends all know each other and we hang out together a lot 

[officialgomezaddams]

Riverdale pref. The Four Horsemen.

Requests are open. Featuring the core four.

Veronica Lodge - Pestilence.

Stepping out of her white car, Veronica shuttered. It wasn’t due to the chill in the air nor to the soft breeze that passes through Riverdale, it was because she was at the local hospital. Or if you want to get more into detail, the hospice wing. Pushing past the clear doors, her small black heels closed on the tile flooring as she walked over to the elevator and hit the up button.  She smiled solemnly to the nurse pushing a cart with goods. Stepping into the elevator and hitting the fifth button, she wondered about these centers. How humans made a space for people who they just didn’t want to save, a space for all hope of getting better was lost and patients are left to ponder about what could have been done to be saved and, of course, death.

Opening the door to room 548 she stiffened her lips as she saw her laying in the hospital bed. Y/n hadn’t changed since Veronica’s last visit. She still was breathing ridge, even with the oxygen tank, she still just laid there weakly, waiting death, or even perhaps imagining it, while a vase of flowers sits next to her getting little to no sun.

“I brought you something,” Veronica chimed, setting herself next to the near death influenza victim. Swapping out the flowers for new ones, Veronica moved some hair out of Y/n’s face. Standing up to inspect the IV bag that was pumping water into Y/n’s body, Veronica sighed. “You know, at least I was easy on you. When I spread my abilities to this town, people dropped like flies. This building was getting people every day because of diseases that somehow just came back up with a harder force.” Steady breathing and the low beeps of machines was all Pestilence could hear. “And when I took over this vessel, I learned that Veronica loved you.” Turing to you, it looked right into your eyes.

“Now I’ve created many things. The plague, Scarlet Fever, you can name it all, and I’ve created them all. But the most deadly disease, that I have seen, is love. Its funny because once it's in the human mind, the host will be totally submissive to whatever love wants. Almost as if love possessed its victim. And if I want to keep doing the thing I just love doing, I need Veronica to not act upon love. So sorry Y/n, I’m sure she might miss you.”

Archie Andrews - War. 

Everyday he hated it. He hated sitting down at the lunch room and watching you and your boyfriend Steve have the time of your lives. He hated watching you sit so relaxed with his arm around you, and he hated the fact that you seemed so happy with him. Cutting the story short, he was mad because he wasn’t with you, he believed that it should be him making you laugh so hard you can’t breath. But of course it couldn’t. He hated that on weekends, when he would walk his dog, he would always catch the two of you together in your house. He couldn’t escape it.

“You’re staring at her again.” Jughead said from across the table with what seemed to be a laugh at the end. “Listen dude, you gotta ease off,” Jughead said, beginning to sound like a broken record with all the times he has had to warn his friend about his jealousy. “There are other fish in the sea. Don’t waste your life fawning over some girl who already has a boyfriend.” Archie rolled his eyes and began picking at his food, mumbling about how the brunette just didn’t understand. “And it's not like high school relationships last anyway. Take it from me, it's not worth it until you’re in college.”

But of course, War couldn’t stand it. And he glared at the pair as they were cuddled up in her house. For a moment he wondered why he was there, why was he submitting to the torture of watching them, but his mind quickly came back as his dog tugged on his leash wanting to continue the walk in the dark air. Running a hand through his fiery red locks, Archie reluctantly walked away letting the golden retriever drag him to the end of the block.

On his way back was when he saw it. Part of Archie was horrified, as the star crossed lovers screamed at each other with their arms waving. War laughed in what seemed like content as he watched the movements get more violent. But still the entity stood, watching in gruesome amazement as Y/n was bashed into the ground with her opponent showing no mercy due to the unknown presence of War among them.

On that night there was a girl screaming out, pleading and begging for her life. There was a dog who yanked, and yanked, who just wanted to go home and escape from the night. There was a rabid man. There, standing outside of the living room window, was War.

Betty Cooper - Famine. 

It started with Reggie, a boy who loved football so much he played so much it got him a one way ticket to the coffin with a broken neck. Then it was Veronica, over the past weekend she shopped so much she was arrested on stealing and harming a person who was about to buy what she was. Then it was Jughead, the boy who wanted a perfect home so bad he killed a boy and tried to replace him. It was happening to everyone, somehow your life would be ruined.

So there  they sat, Betty and her friend Y/n on Y/n’s bed talking as if the town around them wasn’t in shreds. “Mom doesn’t want me going out of the house. She thinks then I am more likely to make a bad choice. Only here and church.” Yes, Y/n was the local Christian kid, but it was undeniable to both her and the blonde sitting in front of her that they liked each other. Y/n would never act upon it because she told herself she didn’t want to date in high school.

Y/n grabbed her cross necklace and closed her eyes, trying to pull herself out of the trance. It reminded Betty of the time she use to do that, only she hasn’t touched the necklace as she let it lay under her black sweater.  It seemed as if all Y/n wanted to do was to tackle Betty to her bed and -. Well, that's a bit unholy if you found out. Of course the girl who liked the vessel of Famine thought about kissing the youngest Cooper. How unimaginably soft they would be, and how close they were. But it seemed as if this time was stronger. Her urge for Betty Cooper was almost unobtainable. “I think you need to go,” Y/n stammered out, not daring to look Betty in the eye.

“Why?” Betty laughed, hoping soon the innocent girl before her would give into the hunger that the Horseman brought. “Am I doing something wrong?” By now her voice was just a whisper, and her body sitting flush to Y/n’s. “It’s not going to hurt, in fact it might be one of the most pleasurable time of your life,” She whispered into her ear.

The vessel almost laughed as she heard Y/n let out a shaky breath, her hand still gripping the cross with all her might. “Just give in, I promise it’ll be fun.”

Jughead Jones - Death. 

It was as if time froze as he was not under panic, under the fact that the inescapable fate had happened. Let's give Death credit, at least he is fair.  He had seen many of them throughout his lifetime, too many to be in fact and he had thought by now humans would have already found a way to escape him, to run from the fact that they no longer truly mattered. “Y/n…? Y/n… Y/n.”

After so long, he stopped caring. People were people and no matter how many entered the earth, they always exited through him. At least he doesn’t care, it makes the job easier because its done efficiently and he can move onto the next. It also means no one can take his job, no vacation days, no quitting. Collect, dispose, move on.

A full two weeks they had seen each other, a full two weeks that he let onto her. A girl, a boy, and a fact.

The boy and the girl lay side by side in an open grass field looking up at the stars in the sky, as his old white beat up compact car was parked feet away. He laid with his arm out, and her head snuggled into his chest using his arm as a pillow. She was sick. Coughing, she put her hand to her mouth as he watched in sorrow knowing there was nothing he could do to stop the blood coming up. It didn’t last long before the fit was over and she apologized. “Don’t be,” he told her. “It’s not your fault for being sick.” It was his. Two weeks ago Y/n was as healthy as a horse, now it was as if her body did a whole 180 and wanted her dead.

They rested in silence for a while, enjoying the fact they could just be near each other. He wondered about the girl. How someone with such strife, could find love and then kill it. “Y/n?” He asked, shaking her a bit as he had seen so many people do. He wasn’t scared, and to admit, he could feel tears in his eyes but he wasn’t that sad. “Y/n…” Jughead whispered, feeling a tear roll down his cheek as he looked at the corpse that lay beside him. And with the last breath of her name, Jughead rested his head back down, letting the inescapable doom tear him apart. “Y/n.”

[curaious-blog]

LOW SELF ESTEEM, EATING DISORDERS, AND TRAVELING

I don’t like my body.

I gained weight about 2-3 years ago and have been unable to get it off entirely. Instead, it’s been a constant rollercoaster and I’m dizzy and want to get off. I was able to lose some when I was consistently working out and “dieting” but not like in college when I could just skip a few meals and then be skinny (totally exaggerating but it was definitely easier).

I think I messed my body up. I must have done something to it’s inner workings and now it’s malfunctioning. Let me explain.

We must go back to childhood. I had precocious puberty, which basically means I was showing signs of puberty much earlier than I was supposed to. I remember being in and out of the doctor’s offices for them to fix it. Lots of injections/IVs/blood draws, but you get used to them. I actually creepily enjoyed getting shots and watching them draw my blood. No need to feel bad for me or anything though. I wasn’t sick, just a hormonal imbalance. I ended up actually having my period at a normal age. No problems there.

It’s not uncommon to gain weight once you hit puberty. I definitely did. I was a skinny kid but some time after puberty, I really started to pack on the pounds. I remember constantly being told by the pediatrician that I needed to lose weight. I also remember around age 13/14ish going on an “oatmeal diet”. I don’t know where I even got this idea. My parents never pushed me to lose weight or put me on any special diets. I don’t even think I ate that abnormally than anyone else but the fact remained, I needed to lose weight.

As I got a little older in 10th-11th grade, I did lose quite a bit of weight. I wasn’t really doing anything special except getting taller mostly (I’m 5’9). I did do track in 11th grade and I’m sure that helped me slim down some as well but no special diets.

Fast forward to freshman year of college. People talk about the freshman 15. Yeah I had that times 2. I blew up. I thought walking around campus was going to be a great exercise but they had potato bread in the cafeteria and I LOVE bread...well I did until I traveled around Europe...Anyway, I gained a lot of weight and here’s where the biggest problem began.

I was so upset and disgusted with myself. I had to do something about it and fast. So I started restricting my food intake. I started counting calories heavily. I still know calorie content of some foods from this period. I restricted most days to 500 calories and under. I knew what to buy and how much I could have to stay under. I have an entry in my journal praising myself for just having a fruit cup one day. I also fasted for 3 days once. I passed out briefly in my room and I almost passed out in a lab class once but I didn’t care because the weight was flying off. I lost about 50lbs. My high weight was over 190lbs and my lowest weight 138lbs. I would smile when people would ask me if I’m ok or if I’m eating because I knew I wasn’t and it was getting me results. This, of course, turned into a cycle. A restrict-binge cycle.

Basically, your body gets mad at you for not eating and then you get a strong, uncontrollable urge to eat and eat everything so that your body can preserve whatever it does have for the next “drought”. That’s at least what it felt like to me. This is not the full, accurate scientific explanation.

I was able to maintain a smaller weight but not for long. The bingeing was just too much. I couldn’t stop bingeing so I had to find a way to combat that too—purging. Ok pause.

I know. I know. That’s disgusting. Why would anyone voluntarily waste food and do something as gross as that? Ugh! First world problems.

I just quickly want to say that it’s never about the food. It’s always something deeper. Anywhere in the world people have coping mechanisms and they use what is in their environment.

So look. If you have never had an eating disorder, then you will never understand the desperation. I was sooo depressed. I hated myself. I literally wanted to die. That might seem extreme to other people, but it was my reality.

I was already dealing with low self esteem in other areas. I never felt like I was a pretty girl. I wasn’t popular in school. I was shy and awkward. I never knew how to have confidence in myself.

Moving along. Now the cycle was restrict-binge-purge, but I would purge even if I restricted. Very vicious cycle that eventually dwindled some over the years. Sometimes I would just restrict or binge or purge or any combination of the above. The weight was still fluctuating. I really did not know how to eat normally.

It’s probably been the last 3 years that have been the worst for me. At least before when I was depressed, I was also thin. Now I’m just fat and depressed. Fat to me at least. Everyday it switches. I can put something on or take a picture and feel good about myself even knowing I’m still bigger than I prefer. And then there are other days where I will look in the mirror and literally have a meltdown. It feels like no matter how much I work out and eat healthy, it just doesn’t want to come off. It’s like my body is punishing me for the years of abuse and honestly, I was very mean to it but I just want another chance!

I’ve been told I need to accept my body as is and that has been such a hard task. I know that it doesn’t mean you can’t change it to become better. But it does mean you should love it and treat it well. You don’t do horrendous things to it or talk bad to it. I logically know this but I can’t get my brain to accept it. It’s just really hard. I know that sounds childish but it is.

What does any of this have to do with travel? Well I was actually working out very consistently before we left. I was feeling really good about my REALLY SLOW progress. And even now that we’re traveling, we actually do get a lot of exercise in from all the walking, climbing stairs and hills, sweating profusely. We accidentally only eat one meal and usually a snack most days just due to us being busy and hot. I am going to try to do better with that. I can tell I’ve lost some weight while traveling but it doesn’t stop the insecurities.

The other day I cried (again, get used to it) while I was looking through my Santorini photos to post. I hated how I looked in ALL of them including the one I did post but it was still the best I could do. I got through it because the literal bigger picture is that I was in Santorini and that was amazing. I guess I could have not brought any attention to the dress with my caption about it freeloading through Europe, but I’m trying this acceptance and vulnerability thing out.

This is what I look like right now. That’s not going to change overnight and I don’t want to be posting ridiculous lies or lies by deception on my social media only to put the phone down and look at my real self in the mirror.

I just want to love my body. When you love your body you will want better for it, pour good things into it, do things that are good for it, talk to it with respect, and honor it. That is my dream relationship with my body.

[guillot-vignot]

GETTING REAL: MY PERSONAL STORY

As you read this book you may wonder: How does Julie know what I'm really going through? Well, this may be hard to believe, but I've had a lovehate relationship with food from the get-go. My struggle began as an infant. My mom had to take a medication that forced her to stop giving me breast milk and to switch to soy formula, which led to disastrous results. I had painful gas and diarrhea and started to get repeated infections soon after she switched to formula. I lived on a steady stream of antibiotics to treat pneumonia and I had constant sinus and ear infections as a young child. By grade two, I still couldn't read the alphabet because of a learning disability and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. (It was simply called hyperactivity back then.) My mom started to believe that food allergies were the root of my problems. After discovering the book Why Your Child is Hyperactive by Ben Feingold, M.D., she stopped giving me the foods, such as sugar and red food dye, that my immune system and brain had become sensitive to. The result? I blossomed overnight. I slept eight hours in a row for the first time in my life. I was able to focus in school and my grades went from D's to A's. The nagging infections in my sinuses, lungs and ears started to clear up. As long as I stayed on a natural diet, I was a different person. I was happy, calm and confident-until I discovered my secret passion: cookies and ice cream. When I was sixteen and began making my own food choices, I started to eat refined foods. I was tired of food restrictions and wanted to rebel and assert my independence. I quickly found my grades slipping due to poor concentration. My skin broke out and I became anxious and insecure. I started dieting, but then would lapse and start bingeing. My teachers would find me passed out in classes because my blood sugar was up and down like a roller coaster. The cycles of antibiotics that I had taken for the respiratory infections had given the yeast in my intestines a huge advantage. As a result, I had to endure my first anti-candida diet. Restricting bread, pasta and sugar from your diet is tough at any age, but as a sixteen-year-old, it felt like a life sentence-that is, until the yeast started to clear from my body and I could feel my excitement and energy return. When I would let go of the five-minute thrill of enjoying a cookie, I had two hours of balanced blood sugar, which enabled me to function incredibly well in school. I wish the story ended there, but I found it very difficult to remain on an anti-candida diet. The moment I started eating like my friends, my symptoms rushed back. From 16 to 26 years old I battled to stay on a healtby diet but often fell off the wagon to binge on refined carbohydrates. My stomach acid had become weak from years of eating inappropriately and, as a result, I started having more bouts of food poisoning (which happens when the environment in your stomach is not acidic enough to kill off the bacteria or mold in food). My gut inflammation progressed. Any simple carbohydrate would send my blood sugar soaring and then crashing. It started to feel like sugar was a drug, both addictive and punishing. It was only when I met acupuncturist and therapist Kate Kent that I received the emotional and psychological support that put me on the path to healing my gut inflammation. I had two months of tough therapy. Kate taught me how to express my deepest feelings so that I didn't have to suppress them by eating. I began to discover the reasons for my self-abuse with food. I slowly assembled a toolbox of other coping methods that have helped me heal (many of which I will share in the chapter on emotional healing). I am forever grateful to Kate for leading me to the front door of food prison, supporting me as I broke out of jail! With this newfound freedom and confidence, I left for a trip around the world when I turned 30. Botb tbe psychological help and change of diet helped heal my digestive inflammation, but I still wore the scars from my thirty years of allergies and a high-carbohydrate diet. While traveling, I learned to cook with the food I carried with me in my suitcase and created gourmet meals in the Australian Outback. I was having the time of my life when I arrived on a small island in Thailand. There were no roads large enough for a car, and my grass hut by the ocean seemed like true paradise. Little did I know that this part of the island had electricity for only twelve hours a day, meaning that frozen shellfish would be allowed to repeatedly thaw and freeze. Unfortunately, my vulnerability to food poisoning meant that when I had some of this shellfish, the result was swift and extremely violent. I soon lost all control of my muscles. I was so ill that I could not walk or even control my bodily functions. I lay in bed with a fever of 108°F and could not even sip water without vomiting. My friend Shaun had to carry me to a four-wheel motorbike and rush me to the nursing station. I kept muttering that I did not want antibiotics because they would make my yeast issue come back. The nurse informed me that I could die if I did not take the strong antibiotics needed to kill the infection in my gut. I will never forget lying in the bed with an IV in my arm, praying that the needle was clean and that the very antibiotics I loathed would save my life. The infection ravaged the lining of my gut. I was no longer able to digest starches and developed allergies to dozens of different proteins-dairy, wheat, rye, spelt, corn, peanut and potato, to name a few. My boyfriend Alan, who would later become my husband, was a saint in our early relationship. This infection sent my immune system into red alert and the result was chronic pain. My muscles became sore, my joints and stomach ached, and my life became miserable. After yet another inflammatory relapse around my thirty-third birthday, I remember Alan gently asking me what it would take for me to tum it all around. The answer to that question is in this book: years of dedication to making every meal a chance to heal. I spent four years rebuilding my gut bacteria and repairing the lining of my digestive system. It only took that long because I did not have the guidebook to know how to heal. I had to eat to live instead of eating solely for pleasure. I learned to differentiate my food cravings: those for inflammatory foods and those for the soothing and healing foods I sought intuitively. You can crave a healthy food. But you have to strip away your addictions to feel your real intuition of what your body needs. After a year on the MTHI plan, I honestly craved a bowl of blueberries over a piece of chocolate cake. I trained myself to remember the discomfort after eating the chocolate cake. The pain was not worth it and I gravitated to the berries that left me feeling balanced and deeply nourished. Every day that I choose a healthy option is one in which I can feel greater clarity, fluidity, energy and happiness. Every day that I choose a healthy option is also one in which I can feel the gratitude of wellness.

[depressed-andnumb-blog]

Dull

This is pure venting, no holding back and complete honesty from where my headspace is at.

i feel like my life is going downhill, i got stoned this morning and read a story about a mans life who was ruined by crackheads and it made me scared due to the fact that i could turn into a depressed, degenerate crackhead. I smoke weed every day and drink not as much, however at a frequent rate. I miss having a woman to love and any sort of intimacy, I miss being in school and i hate the fact that i never had an ideal teenagehood with an early teenage sweetheart. i’ve been with women but it’s never been innocent horseplay and i hate myself for not utilising the time i had in highschool. all i ever wanted was a girl to understand me and only me, however i’m here in a pool of emotion and self loath. i yearn for the day i meet someone i can vent to and enjoy my life with, i think i’ll stop smoking soon but i can’t go an afternoon without some sort of mind numbing substance lest i go insane. i don’t want to die and i don’t want to live. i want security to what’s happening with my life, i’m not afraid of death and all i want is to love. my life is on the edge of a complete avalanche but there’s nothing i can do. i’ve lost almost 20kg in a matter of months why won’t anyone love me. i sit here day after day getting stoned after work and think to myself, “how much more content with my life would i be if i utilised my time around other people my age.” now that i spend most of my time alone (especially when i’m not at work) i realise how disgusted i am with my state and my progression in life in general. when i was little i had this perfect interpretation of an adult life where i had a loving wife and perfect kids, but i’m not even a perfect kid to my own parents. my parents ask me to pay rent (which i do) but their hatred for eachother and neglegence of my childhood have made me realise how much of an absolute shitstorm life is. being nice all these years has left me with nobody and no emotion. i spent the last 3-4 years comforting those who never comforted me. since then i don’t speak to any of those frequently and i am stuck in an endless paradox of benign emotion and love ? i love and offer emotion to many but am always met with disloyalty and disappoint. all i’ve ever wanted was an innocent 1 on 1 relationship with someone who understands me and will do what i want to do. i’ve been misunderstood my whole life and refuse to accept that someone could understand what i’ve gone through and still treat me as a peer. my only escape is work, which gives me money, (mainly for drugs) food and new clothes. all i ever wanted was love. someone by my side. someone to go to and someone to experience with, ive never had that and i doubt that’s going to happen. makes me question what our expectations only mean. i self loathe about these things only to end up with the resolution that more than i have experienced worse, yet i can’t help but destroy myself over the fact that i destroyed my teenagehood by becoming overweight and an alcoholic. if i’d just done things right i would’ve been happy and been in a secure place, but because i fucked around and let myself get overweight, i’m no longer in any position to be happy. i’ve lost an amount of weight to be considered “healthy” but what’s the point if nobody cares. nobody reads these but please give me something to strive for. i have my apprenticeship to strive for but what is it without someone to share it with. That was the all in the headspace of someone who genuinely believes their life is going down very, very quick. Thanks for reading and i’ll see you when i see you.

[selfawarenesscat1994]

accidental long post

i dont normally put trigger warnings but this post speaks a lot about food/binge eating. and i kinda just went off on one haha. talk of money.

im sitting in the office writing this at work cus my boss told me to do the holidays but im done but i need to vent, the store is abso quite and i just need some time to myself.

i have money! 

oh my god the relief. 

im still gonna be struggling til the end of this month but its not as bad as its been through jan which has been fucking HELL because ive obv been doing my manager job and having all this worry/stress ontop ov it.

i paid my rent +fee and i have enough to cover my bills! !!!!

i bought a bus pass but im gonna probably walk to work when the weather gets less horrible as i acctually didnt mind the walk after a while and i felt a lot fitter adding that exercise into my daily routine. before dropping out of uni, i got quite bad for being the type of person who would go to the gym once or twice a week and justify a lazy existence because of that. the bus is terrible but its the difference of walking 6 miles and being out of the house for like 12 hours a day or whatever and taking a 10 minute bus journey from straight outside my work almost to my front door. 

i ordered new earphones becus mine are not working. they were like 6 quid but so worth it. i went into my favourite cosmetic shop and got some nice stuff for my face as its got so flaky and dry and sore. i bought some new combs, not a great expense, no but the last thing on my list of cheap stuff when i didnt hve any money. my hair is short and tuggy and thisll help. i went into a cheaper cosmetics store and bought a lot of cheap shampoo/conditioner, sanitry products n whatnot. i never used to stockpile these so i ended up at the beginning of jan with nothing, i bought a cheap bar of soap for my body and used some of my flatmates stuff (but its expensive so i did it like once a week max). its so nice to have product. its something i never throught was something id miss cos theyre so essntial but i got to the point where i couldnt really afford them because i had bills going out and had to keep my money for other things.

the front door of the flat is drafty so i got the flat a draft exludor on the way. yay.

ive consumed more food/calories in the past day than i probably have in a couple of years - apart from at christmas. last night i bought a milkshake after work. it was thick and tasty and amazing. on my walk home i also bought a bottle of irn bru, which wasnt as good cus i forgot they changed the receipe but ive not drank fizzy drinks regularly in a 

i thought it was gonna be enough to fill me up but my body suddenly decided it really wanted to binge and treat myself.

i odered a med pizza with two sides and cookies when i got home from work. i just stuffed my face and ate it all. it was glorious. i went out with my flatmate a bit later and i bought quite a big shop with fresh food but also a lot of tinned/frozen things bcus i know i will be poor at the end of the month. i binged on salad items at like midnight. i ate two eggs, a whole freaking cucumber and pack of tomatoes, along with half a red pepper, a carrot, some spring onion and spinach. fresh food never felt so good. i had fruit and a bagel wiv creme cheese for my breakfast this morning. ive not had breakfast in about 6 months because when i started uni i got so stressed i couldnt eat in the morning and then i couldnt really afford to. and i gave myself some money today to get some lunch. i planned on buying one of those salad meal deals but i ended up at subway, i only got a 6 inch tough cos i think i may have died if i got anything bigger. i did however get 3 cookies on offer, ive only ate one as of yet but the other two are staring me down right now. i was so tempted to go to mcdonalds but i would have binged too hard. my poor stomach which i mentioned before had became a lot flatter probs due to lack of food/a lot of walking is so bloated.  i was wearing quite a loose fitting shirt to work and you can just see this big round boi now. customers will think im pregnant fuck me. but its a good bloat. but as i also mentioned ive gained a bit of weight and in the past 24 hours ive probably put on about a stone haha. i probably lost around three inches from my tummy in the past coupla months and now its about 6 inches rounder haha. 

i honestly dont regret it. i think if this was a regular thing and i did stuff like this a lot i would probably be different and feel horrible but it was great. i loved all this good food. 

im gonna go back to reasonable spending now/eating now. i have some spicy carrot soup i made a fortnight ago in the freezer so im gonna heat the rest of that up tonight for me and my flatmate, if i even feel up for eating and tomorrow i will probably enjoy a cheeky but healthy fruit salad for my working lunch.

sucks my brother took out a loan but im splitting his repayments and we can both afford to pay it off, im sure you can even pay it off wholly early (for a fee though) so i could even do that in a few months time cos i already know ill be due a tax refund, i paid so much tax @ my last jobs before i quit them for uni and ill be taxed here but i didnt earn over the threshold due to my break and il be due loadddss back, so we will see.

im gonna donate at the end of the month to some people on here, im not gonna really examine who ‘deserves it most’ and just do it randomly tbh. thanks to the people who donated to me, it e a lot but it did help as i mentioned before.

sidenote below

sidenote - i dont have an eating disorder. i just binged today and yesterday because ive not been able to enjoy the food i like. 

ive always had a bit of a weird relationship with food because ive never been thin and have had some disordered tendancies but nothing thats effected my overall health massively. ive been on countless diets thrughout my life. i dont particularly act like that anymore cos it can be dangerous. id only go on a ‘diet’ if my health was really bad, if i was terribly overweight or if another health condition made me alter my diet. ive also a lot of reckless times where ive just not thought about what ive eat... queue the time i ate a whole selection box and half a tub of ben and jerries for my lunch or the time i only ate a loaf and a half of bread in a day and though ‘ah this is enough calories its fine’. but i think thats moreso bpd. if ive been having a bad time with my mental health i wont care about whats being put in my body. but its not been driven through a desrie to be thinner/bigger ever.

 ive been poor recently and not been living on the best of foods (will probably explain why ive gained weight) but i have been mostly cooking from scratch using frozen meat/fish/veg and tined foods (thank god for bootstrap cooking, am i right???), on occasion i bought fresh veg or meat but thats it. the rest of the food i was eating when i was poor and well still will be eating for the next month was and i try to limit this because i know its really unhealthy has been instant ramen/noodles/soups/rice, breaded frozen meat and frozen garlic bread and chips. snackwise its been like those 10p packs of buiscuits and ive also been baking when i can mostly using my flatmates stuff. if my flatmate was making food and had excess id sometimes have some if she offered but thats been it.

[samanthasroberts]

10 Ways A Month Without Alcohol Gave Me A Lifetime Of Healthy Habits

I always tell myself, “Drinking alcohol borrows joy from tomorrow.”

I once was a social drinker.

What started as a 30-day no alcohol challenge turned into a permanent lifestyle change.

People often ask me how I changed physically, mentally and emotionally after quitting drinking.

So, I thought Id share my story.

For many years, Id enjoy a few quiet beers during the week and go harder most weekends.

There would be a good buzz, and Id get drunk.

It was part of being Australian (or so I thought).

But, Id often fall into destructive habits after 1 am, including cigarettes, late-night pizza and more beer.

The rest of the weekend was a write-off.

Over time, I started to feel just blah.

I was surviving, not thriving.

By March 2010, I was sitting in International House Of Pancakes (IHOP) in Austin, Texas for a Hangover Breakfast.

I was staring at the menu bold colors of greasy food and looking at everyone going wild over the unlimited pancakes with every sugar-laden topping imaginable.

At that moment, I felt like I had hit rock bottom.

That inner voice was saying, James, make a change.

So, I decided to take a 30-day break from alcohol as an experiment.

Here are the things that happened:

1. The first seven days were tough.

My liver had a hard time flushing out the toxins from alcohol and the bad food I had consumed while drunk (late night burgers, fries and pizza).

So, I ate soups rich in greens with anti-inflammatory spices like turmeric and ginger.

2. I was challenged.

Many people particularly guys were incredulous about my lifestyle choice.

At first, it bothered me, which made it that much worse.

Some friends even tried to slip vodka in my soda.

3. Acceptance came eventually.

When I got challenged by friends, I eventually learned to laugh, point to my head and give my stock response, Im too strong in mind!

Once I accepted my choice and owned my stock response about not drinking, my friends and family accepted it.

I recently met up with childhood friends who were always big drinkers growing up.

They were totally cool with me not drinking, and they suggested we go out for dinner instead.

4. I slept like a baby.

Studies show that even a small amount of alcohol messes with your sleep.

I was now getting the initial REM sleep you normally miss when you drink alcohol.

I started wearing blue-light blocking glassesto get to sleep faster.

I woke rejuvenated, not tired and cranky like before.

5. I lost weight.

Alcohol slows your metabolism, as the body breaks down alcohol before the fats and sugars.

A pint of beer has around the same amount of calories as a slice of pizza.

After 30 days, Id lost an incredible 15 pounds.

This is likely due to three main things:

1. Alcohol contains a lot of empty calories.

2. Drinking makes you eat a lot more food, especially junk like fries and desserts.

3. Quitting drinking gives you the energy to be more active.

My skin was glowing because the alcohol poison had left my system.

“Wow, have you been working out?” people asked in astonishment.

I wasn’t.

It was just from not drinking alcohol, eating mindfully and sleeping better.

6. I celebrated differently.

Before quitting drinking, Id always celebrate a big win like a job promotion or product launch with drinks.

Now, Ill just have a nice meal or take time out from my busy schedule to go for a nature hike.

But, I can still party like a rock star.

Despite not drinking, I still manage to have wildly entertaining nights out, even with my drunken friends slurring their words around me.

7. My perception shifted.

I gave up social drinking to achieve bigger goals and tap into my potential.

I replaced drinking with jogging.

This changed how I ate, worked, slept and saved money.

In “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg explains that one set of neurological patterns (old habits) can be overridden by new patterns.

By focusing on one keystone habit(not drinking), I taught myself how to reprogram other routines in my life.

I was no longer going out with $120 in my wallet and waking up with $2.

I was no longer sleeping all weekend.

I was naturally waking up earlier and taking charge of my life.

8. After six months, there was a noticeable shift.

I felt so terrific after 30 days, and I thought, Bugger it, keep going.

The relationships in my life became so much better.

I started attracting a higher caliber of friends and met incredibly beautiful, smart women I could be myself with.

Drunkenness never got me the girl of my dreams.

Plus, sobersex is way better.

9. I was still tested.

One year later, I was back in Austin, Texas.

I ordered a beer to celebrate one year of not drinking. I put the beer to my mouth.

It smelt amazing. I wanted to drink it.

But, I thought of how far Id come.

I was still the life of the party, and no one thought I was boring.

Id achieved my childhood dream of hosting SportsCenter on ESPN.

The stars were aligning in my life because of one simple change: a 30-day break from alcohol.

10. I started to help others.

I was more considerate, and I started thinking about how I could help my friends, rather than how they could help me.

I started mentoring more people who showed potential and hustle.

Ive helped thousands of people reflect on their drinking patterns through the 30-Day No Alcohol Challenge.

I feel better, look better, work better, act better, am better, have more money, have better quality friends and dont miss alcohol.

Water, ice and a piece of lime is perfect for me.

I can still party like a rock star without alcohol, and long-term friends say Im considerably nicer and more agreeable.

It is sometimes awkward explaining to new friends or business associates why I dont drink.

But that initial awkwardness is mostly felt by them, and it soon dissipates if I dont make it an issue.

Plus, I cant control how they feel.

Although I took drastic measures, my story shows some of the positive benefits of quitting alcohol, even for a month.

Feel better, look better, lose weight, save money and have better relationships.

Now, thats a cocktail.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/10-ways-a-month-without-alcohol-gave-me-a-lifetime-of-healthy-habits/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/10-ways-a-month-without-alcohol-gave-me-a-lifetime-of-healthy-habits/

[allofbeercom]

10 Ways A Month Without Alcohol Gave Me A Lifetime Of Healthy Habits

I always tell myself, “Drinking alcohol borrows joy from tomorrow.”

I once was a social drinker.

What started as a 30-day no alcohol challenge turned into a permanent lifestyle change.

People often ask me how I changed physically, mentally and emotionally after quitting drinking.

So, I thought Id share my story.

For many years, Id enjoy a few quiet beers during the week and go harder most weekends.

There would be a good buzz, and Id get drunk.

It was part of being Australian (or so I thought).

But, Id often fall into destructive habits after 1 am, including cigarettes, late-night pizza and more beer.

The rest of the weekend was a write-off.

Over time, I started to feel just blah.

I was surviving, not thriving.

By March 2010, I was sitting in International House Of Pancakes (IHOP) in Austin, Texas for a Hangover Breakfast.

I was staring at the menu bold colors of greasy food and looking at everyone going wild over the unlimited pancakes with every sugar-laden topping imaginable.

At that moment, I felt like I had hit rock bottom.

That inner voice was saying, James, make a change.

So, I decided to take a 30-day break from alcohol as an experiment.

Here are the things that happened:

1. The first seven days were tough.

My liver had a hard time flushing out the toxins from alcohol and the bad food I had consumed while drunk (late night burgers, fries and pizza).

So, I ate soups rich in greens with anti-inflammatory spices like turmeric and ginger.

2. I was challenged.

Many people particularly guys were incredulous about my lifestyle choice.

At first, it bothered me, which made it that much worse.

Some friends even tried to slip vodka in my soda.

3. Acceptance came eventually.

When I got challenged by friends, I eventually learned to laugh, point to my head and give my stock response, Im too strong in mind!

Once I accepted my choice and owned my stock response about not drinking, my friends and family accepted it.

I recently met up with childhood friends who were always big drinkers growing up.

They were totally cool with me not drinking, and they suggested we go out for dinner instead.

4. I slept like a baby.

Studies show that even a small amount of alcohol messes with your sleep.

I was now getting the initial REM sleep you normally miss when you drink alcohol.

I started wearing blue-light blocking glassesto get to sleep faster.

I woke rejuvenated, not tired and cranky like before.

5. I lost weight.

Alcohol slows your metabolism, as the body breaks down alcohol before the fats and sugars.

A pint of beer has around the same amount of calories as a slice of pizza.

After 30 days, Id lost an incredible 15 pounds.

This is likely due to three main things:

1. Alcohol contains a lot of empty calories.

2. Drinking makes you eat a lot more food, especially junk like fries and desserts.

3. Quitting drinking gives you the energy to be more active.

My skin was glowing because the alcohol poison had left my system.

“Wow, have you been working out?” people asked in astonishment.

I wasn’t.

It was just from not drinking alcohol, eating mindfully and sleeping better.

6. I celebrated differently.

Before quitting drinking, Id always celebrate a big win like a job promotion or product launch with drinks.

Now, Ill just have a nice meal or take time out from my busy schedule to go for a nature hike.

But, I can still party like a rock star.

Despite not drinking, I still manage to have wildly entertaining nights out, even with my drunken friends slurring their words around me.

7. My perception shifted.

I gave up social drinking to achieve bigger goals and tap into my potential.

I replaced drinking with jogging.

This changed how I ate, worked, slept and saved money.

In “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg explains that one set of neurological patterns (old habits) can be overridden by new patterns.

By focusing on one keystone habit(not drinking), I taught myself how to reprogram other routines in my life.

I was no longer going out with $120 in my wallet and waking up with $2.

I was no longer sleeping all weekend.

I was naturally waking up earlier and taking charge of my life.

8. After six months, there was a noticeable shift.

I felt so terrific after 30 days, and I thought, Bugger it, keep going.

The relationships in my life became so much better.

I started attracting a higher caliber of friends and met incredibly beautiful, smart women I could be myself with.

Drunkenness never got me the girl of my dreams.

Plus, sobersex is way better.

9. I was still tested.

One year later, I was back in Austin, Texas.

I ordered a beer to celebrate one year of not drinking. I put the beer to my mouth.

It smelt amazing. I wanted to drink it.

But, I thought of how far Id come.

I was still the life of the party, and no one thought I was boring.

Id achieved my childhood dream of hosting SportsCenter on ESPN.

The stars were aligning in my life because of one simple change: a 30-day break from alcohol.

10. I started to help others.

I was more considerate, and I started thinking about how I could help my friends, rather than how they could help me.

I started mentoring more people who showed potential and hustle.

Ive helped thousands of people reflect on their drinking patterns through the 30-Day No Alcohol Challenge.

I feel better, look better, work better, act better, am better, have more money, have better quality friends and dont miss alcohol.

Water, ice and a piece of lime is perfect for me.

I can still party like a rock star without alcohol, and long-term friends say Im considerably nicer and more agreeable.

It is sometimes awkward explaining to new friends or business associates why I dont drink.

But that initial awkwardness is mostly felt by them, and it soon dissipates if I dont make it an issue.

Plus, I cant control how they feel.

Although I took drastic measures, my story shows some of the positive benefits of quitting alcohol, even for a month.

Feel better, look better, lose weight, save money and have better relationships.

Now, thats a cocktail.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/10-ways-a-month-without-alcohol-gave-me-a-lifetime-of-healthy-habits/

[wonder-womans-assistant-blog]

Part IV- In class Questions

Zoos

a)

I believe that zoos should a very small, but important role in the the conservation of species. Zoos for the most part, should be a last resort for attempting to save a species. In the case of some endangered species, like the rhinoceros, who is often poached for its horn, or elephants, who are poached for their ivory tusks. Perhaps physically keeping these animals away from poachers can aid in their survival. However, if zoos were to implement this, they would need to ensure that there is more than enough space for the animal to roam (in enclosures much larger than those in current zoos), in an appropriate location for the species, so that it has the best chance of recovering its population, if possible. In this case, relying on the goodwill of the workers and visitors of the zoo, the animals will be safe from harm, and visitors of the zoo can see the animal “in real life”, learn about the species and its struggle for survival. In turn, visitors may be more sensitive about the struggle of species in response to the impact of man and may make an effort to make a change in their community’s morals or attitudes towards conservation of species.

As for education, our current zoos clearly put in effort to educate its visitors about the animal the visitor is looking at by mentioning things such as the animals’ name, where it is found in the wild, its role in its food web, interesting symbiotic relationships or alliances with other species, whether or not it is an endangered or threatened species, and perhaps man’s impact on the species. From my own experience, I have noticed that zoos try to make their informational plaques about certain animals as educational and concise as possible, so that people are more inclined to read and learn about the animal. I believe that zoos do a good job of educating its visitors about the animals, especially if the zoos are taking care to try and draw special attention to species that are experiencing low population numbers. If the zoos are lucky, visitors will feel moved by being in the presence of the animal in the zoo and may even take steps to attempt to help protect that species or at least inform their friends and family about the dangers that our earth’s animals are facing. In a way, zoos may be essential for informing the public about species of concern because, if someone does not have an appreciation for something because they haven't been able to experience a particular feeling or event, it is very likely they will not be able to commiserate with the cause or sympathize with the animal. If this is the case, physically being in the presence of the animal makes a significant difference in the  sympathy of the viewer.

b)

Our current model of zoos are incapable of accurately providing animals with what they require to live a “normal” life for that species. Without even considering the UK Farm Animal Welfare Council’s “Five Freedoms,” mentioned in Dr. McCance’s lecture on Zoos, the glaring issue that I have with zoos is that these animals, who may not even be native to the part of the world the zoo is in, has to live in a very small enclosure, relative to what they would experience in the wild. The animals in the enclosures do not have the ability to actually do a flat-out run in a straight line for more than a few seconds, and tragically for some animals, may have never even been able to experience the natural habitat they are native to. These poor creatures have no sense of how vastly open and free an open field is, in the same way that an animal that has been caged indoors for its entire life has no concept of what grass is, or how a person from a tropical island finds the concept of snow foreign and don't grasp how cold it can really be -- because they have never experienced true openness, true freedom, or real cold. Perhaps if zoos functioned more like nature preserves in Africa or the United States, where the animals are allowed to roam freely, or as “normal” as possible, given the human presence. However, if these were to be “zoos”, then one would not be able to see tigers and polar bears at the same zoo. Unfortunately, modern zoos are not designed to be 100 % appropriate for the species that occupies the space, leaving our practices unethical.

c)

As a child, I really loved going to zoos to look at the animals and watch them interact with one another. At the time, I had no appreciation or understanding of what zoos do when there are too many of a species with no space to hold them in and other dark secrets that zoos typically don't advertise. Today, I do not enjoy visiting zoos as much because I know that our practices in zoos are almost always unethical or zoo coordinators are unable to cover their bases in regards to properly caring for an animal, as we saw in the Blackfish film (Blackfish, 2013). 

Food

a)

A few things that I like about my food system is that, when I can, I do my best to buy local at farmers markets and if generate any organic scraps or waste from my food, it all goes into my compost bin. I support farmers markets because it supports my community and because the means that a particular good took to plant, grow, harvest, and transport those goods to the market usually have a significantly smaller environmental impact than large companies who receive, pack, and distribute their goods on a large scale. Large scale producers create huge amounts of waste from the packaging materials and vast amounts of pollution when receiving goods from farmers and when distributing those processed goods to their various sales outlets. Buying local can sometimes imply that non-factory faming was used to raise a particular good such as livestock or crops, meaning that there is a greater chance that that animal experienced more ethical treatment than an industrial farmed animal. If this fact is true and the animals were not raised on a factory farm, it is more likely that the animals were exposed to lower levels of growth hormones or antibiotics because they were not needed to keep animals healthy due to the poor conditions of mass production. According to the Domestication and Consumption lecture given by Dr. McCance, there are traceable amounts of these hormones in our food at slaughter, which we in turn consume and allow to accumulate in our bodies. The Food and Drug Administration explains that animals treated with these hormones are safe to eat at any point after the animal has been treated (FDA, 2017). Unfortunately, due to the lack of concrete research done on the effects of these steroids or antibiotics on human health, additionally, the amounts of steroids administers and the frequency of these doses is not consistent, making it even more difficult to measure the scope of of potential impacts on human health (Landers, 2012).

Foods from farmers markets are often fresher than other commercially produced because they do not need to be shipped over long distances. The freshness of food has a huge impact on its flavor and its likelihood of being sold. Like many others, I support farmers markets in an attempt to reduce waste. Having worked in the produce section of a grocery store, I know that every day, stores can throw out hundreds of pounds of food each day. Fortunately, Zup’s Grocery, in the small town where I worked, allowed some of the employees to take home some of the produce that wasn’t shelf-worthy or that had expired according to its label. This is not practiced in many grocery stores, allowing food that isn't even spoiled to be thrown away and wasted. The benefit of farmers market is that since they typically not transporting their wares in bulk, their produce arrives on the shelves looking as fresh as it did when it was harvested or produced from the farm, preventing perfectly good food from going to waste. Finally, from my own experience, I have found that fresh produce or meats are often of higher quality than those found in a supermarket, and their overall flavor is better.

b)

When shopping for groceries, I try my best to buy products that are sourced from ethically accredited companies. However, some of these products are more expensive than their non-ethically sourced counterparts, and as a university student, I find it can be a challenge to make choices that support ethical sourcing and social welfare both domestically and abroad. Along with trying to support humane companies, I also make an attempt to buy products with as little packaging as possible, but this usually only applies to fresh produce. I dislike how many products I purchase that are heavily processed and packaged in thick, non-recyclable plastics. I understand that heavily processing food is not only bad for human health, but it is also hard on the environment. Yet I go on consuming these products because they are more convenient or cheaper, and sometimes in my mind taste better. After attending Dr. McCance’s lectures for Environmental Issues, I learned the full scope of the impact that food waste, pollution, and consumerism has on the earth, and the significant dangers we will face if we do not change our ways of life. I know that 

Oceans

a)

My primary concerns with the ocean include the vast amount of pollution that has accumulated in our oceans, increasing acidification of the ocean, and the capacity for the oceans to hold carbon dioxide. In Dr. McCance’s lecture on Oceans, I learned that there are massive amounts of plastics floating in the North Pacific--about twice the size of the continental United States. The plastics and pollution floating in our oceans can contain persistent organic pollutants such as PCBs, PAHs, and DDE are consumed by zooplankton, who make up the base of the food chain. Jellyfish typically feed on zooplankton, but the minuscule fragments of plastics in the oceans resemble the zooplankton, and jellyfish end up consuming a significant amount of plastic particles. In fact, plastic outnumbers zooplankton in the oceans by 7 to 1. These jellyfish are in turn consumed by other ocean animals such as fish or aquatic mammals spreading the toxic chemicals through the food chain, which can eventually end up in the food of people all around the world (McCance Oceans, 2017).

Ocean acidification is occurring as a result of pollution and global warming. Dr. McCance explained that increased concentrations of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has resulted in elevated levels of carbon dioxide in the ocean, to such a degree that it is affecting the ability of the primary producers who consume the carbon dioxide to synthesize it and remove it from the atmosphere. Increased pollution and habitat destruction are more obstacles that these primary producers, phytoplankton, face. Problems with the stability of phytoplankton populations has big implications for species who rely on this species for survival. For example, Dr. McCance explained in her Oceans in Peril lecture that acidification of the oceans causes coral reefs to expel the symbiotic algae and microorganisms necessary to support the ecosystem, in turn "bleaching” the coral. Coral bleaching significantly decreases the biodiversity within that ecosystem and can in turn affect other populations of fish that rely on this ecosystem for food.

As a result of ocean acidification, phytoplankton populations are decreasing in size. This is incredibly concerning considering that phytoplankton is thought to produce over half of the oxygen that land animals breathe, and as I mentioned earlier, phytoplankton are the foundation of the oceanic food web. Removing this species from the food web would have catastrophic implications for the entire planet. Oceanic populations of species will collapse due to a lack of food and our atmospheres’ stores of breathable air will slowly be depleted. Needless to say, if there is no breathable oxygen or food for species to survive off of, humans, animals, and plants will die off very rapidly (McCance Oceans, 2017)

b)

I will respond to the degradation of our earth’s oceans by reminding myself of the impact that my consumer choices have on the environment, especially when it comes to using plastics. Instead of using non-recyclable and non-biodegradable plastics for storage containers, I can switch to products like glass or biodegradable plastics. I can also attempt to make less purchases of goods that are heavily processed and packaged in an attempt to reduce the amount of inorganic, non-biodegradable waste I generate.

Blackfish. (2013). [video] Directed by G. Cowperthwaite. USA: CNN films.

Landers, T. F., Cohen, B., Wittum, T. E., & Larson, E. L. (2012). A Review of Antibiotic Use in Food Animals: Perspective, Policy, and Potential. Public Health Reports, 127(1), pp. 4–22.

McCance, E. (2017). Domestication and Consumption. Winnipeg: Erin McCance. p. 1-46.

McCance, E. (2017). Oceans in Peril. Winnipeg: Erin McCance. p. 1-36.

McCance, E. (2017). Zoos. Winnipeg: Erin McCance. p. 1-106.

United States Food and Drug Administration. (2017). Steroid Hormone Implants Used for Growth in Food-Producing Animals. Silver Spring: U.S. Food and Drug Administration. p. 1.

[modalertdotco-blog]

Modalert.Co Offering Sun Pharma Modalert with High Quality.

Modalert.Co Offering Sun Pharma Modalert with High Quality. Users Declare the 'Smart-Drug' Modafinil May Be The Fresh Adderall — Better This tale is section of a relationship between Vice-News and MedPage Today. In -so-dark edges of the web, you will find categories of individuals referring to a medication they've nicknamed "moda," but theyare not getting it to truly have a good-time. They are getting it be much more concentrated to are more effective, and stay alert. "Truly helps my writing speeeeed omg I'm so fast fast fast fast fast fast " one person published on the Facebook site focused on the medication. "Our mind is ninja degree," another published. Moda is brief for modafinil, that it is offered underneath the brand Provigil in america, and has been authorized from the Food Administration to deal with narcolepsy. Many people are getting off it - without and tag a prescription — having acquired the medication illegally — of enhancing their intellectual capabilities within the expectations. Overview of 24 reports dating back to to 1990 forced the medication in to the highlight this month since it figured knowledge does certainly enhance, however the scientists state their results were more nuanced than statements recommended. Modafinil attracted comparisons to Adderall and Ritalin, that are FDA-accepted amphetamines which are usedto handle attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) plus some sleep problems. All three medicines are common among people without these problems who consider them work or to review on tasks that are large. Related: Without Any Monitoring Plan, Mo Is Just A Destination for Prescription Drug Addicts Despite substantial study, it remains unclear modafinil works within the mind. It is deemed a stimulant-like Ritalin and Adderall, but rather of growing norepinephrine and dopamine — substances that were within the mind that promote the system — modafinil is considered to reduce a called gamma- acid that decreases along the mind. A pharmacist in the Monroe Carell Jr. Kids' Clinic at Vanderbilt, Amy Potts, informed Vice-News this "increase bad" impact makes work that was modafinil as a catalyst despite having another system of motion than stimuli that were traditional. Unlike Ritalin and Adderall, modafinil does not have a feeling of excitement. Itis not considered to possess the same possibility of habit and misuse, based on the Drug Enforcement Administration, and that's why itis categorized like a Routine IV material, while Ritalin and Adderall are outlined within the more firmly limited Schedule II class. Nevertheless, Vice-News talked to many "moda" customers who buy the medication illegally for low- use. 'the amount of concentrate on your examinations feel the top.' A 33-year old community-college scholar called Quinn, who made a decision to be recognized by just his first-name, informed Vice-News he first attempted modafinil tablets last academic year following a friend delivered them to him and informed him they'd make him feel just like Bradley Cooper within the 2011 film Unlimited. Within the film, Cooper performs a guy with authoris stop who requires an imaginary wise tablet which allows him become proficient in a number of languages to complete his guide, and obtain wealthy enjoying the stock exchange. " only 1 / 2 of one tried also it worked," Quinn said. "I'd more power. I found clearer. Our intellectual skills were greater. Sense was made by issues." He stated he does not use modafinil and he is never experienced the need but he noticed his GPA leap to 3.4 to 3.8 from 2.6. Unlike Adderall and Ritalin, which he explained created his heart lb, he explained no heart signs have been seen by him. Their criticism that is only is the fact that it occasionally makes him it to visit rest, an anticipated side-effect of the narcolepsy medication. About 137,000 National university students begin abusing prescription stimuli every year, based on a study from the national Drug Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration a week ago launched. The statement, that will be centered on an annual study 500 people, of 67, does not identify stimuli that are particular, but maximum utilization happened within the academic schedule — key occasions in November, Dec, and May. An inferior, less medical study posted a book, Within The Bill, believed this one in five British college students had applied modafinil. " concentrate on your exams' level feel the top," somebody published in a Reddit line that was modafinil. "[It Is] incredible. However, is a capture there. If you have no idea the substance, you will probably invest [also] enough time attempting to figure one issue out." Based on a Facebook party manager who requested that his first-name is just used by us, Paul, or about 80 percent of the folks he is undergone who've applied modafinil are males. He explained age range to -50s for customers covers from 20s. " Perhaps that is since males are currently searching for more of an advantage," he recommended in a telephone meeting. "They Are more risk taking generally. That might be my guess." Paul stated he'd undergone some ladies using modafinil, and stated they maintained to become "fairly high-achievers" who have been " entrepreneurs -sorts." That jibes with additional historical records, with Men's Diary reporting as far back the drug is "favored by ER documents airforce pilots, and Silicon Valley entrepreneurs like a stay - medication that is conscious." Related Large to Care Huge Medical Organizations Eliminating and Are Hurting Individuals Adderall XR pills. Picture via Patrick Mallahan III/Wikimedia Commons Oxford University scientists Ruairidh Battleday -Katharine Brem examined 24 reports through December 2014 from 1990 to determine whether knowledge certainly enhanced in healthy people. They unearthed that it did, killing a prior evaluation having said that everyone was at finishing easy tasks than without it better. Battleday informed Vice-News the duties within the preliminary research were that was also easy — nevertheless when customers were requested to react to oral and visible cues modafinil turned out to be efficient. Nevertheless, the scientists stated they did not plan due to their evaluation to be always an excellent advice for that white tablet that was small. "This evaluation shouldn't market drugs' use to improve efficiency," Brem said. The evaluation research was alternatively meant to attract focus on "neuroenhancers" —brain's topic -improving drugs — the moral issues and also the techniques usedto examine them. "I'd say you should not consider intellectual degrees improve or to enhance," Brem said, incorporating simply because they create the consumer sleepless they could even possess a damaging impact on storage combination. "should you rest enough, should a lifestyle lives, consume healthful, get motion that is enough, than going for a tablet do some activities, that would have significantly more impact on your efficiency." Related: Trucking Companies Wish To Drug Test Owners Utilizing Hair Examples Battleday concluded from their evaluation although they did not experience regular unwanted effects, but informed the people within the reports often just required one-dose of modafinil. It isn't obvious what might occur after getting it frequently to get annually a week, or even more, they said. Unwanted effects may usually incorporate a burning feeling about intestinal problems and the skin. Much more severe and less-common unwanted effects include chest discomfort, rushing center, despair, and considering self harm, based on the US National Library of Medication. Brem said Stevens-Johnson was named by a allergic attack syndrome had been documented. Brem said she hopes modafinil may oneday be examined in a far more "realistic" environment in people. She hopes to understand if the body ultimately changes towards the modafinil, compelling the consumer to require increasingly more. 'Finding it's easy. Getting a top quality supply is tougher.' " we-don't have these options right now and These actual life tests are extremely challenging to create," Bram said. Meanwhile, individuals, onFacebook teams as well as in Reddit posts are referring to modafinil, informing one another on where you can have it, things to anticipate, and just how much to consider. The Facebook party administrator, Paul, stated he recently published a guide — not unlike Cooperis Unlimited personality — a couple of times per week which he employs modafinil. He explained the Facebook neighborhood that was modafinil is a superb spot obtain solutions from individuals with expertise and to ask questions. He explained he recommends a modafinil to not be taken by other people after 9 am — normally they will have sleep problems later. And he informed it's very important to make sure to consume water and get breaks every 30 units, which may be difficult since modafinil makes customers seriously immersed in duties to do. Individuals frequently ask where you can purchase it, he explained, detailing the cheapest tablets have been in Asia and Japan, plus they charge $ and between $1 5 a tablet. In america, modafinil tablets charge up without insurance to $20 every, Mike said. But there are scams available. "Finding it's easy," he explained. "Getting A top quality supply is tougher." The FBI claims to become cautious of any web drugstore that does not need health background and a physicianis prescription. They declare these medicines infected might be adulterated, fake, expired or mislabeled. " stay away from illegitimate internet pharmacies when the costs are attractive and research your options," the FBI claims on its site. "It Is your wellbeing, in the end." Paul, who buys online, explained getting the medication to be "within the area" normally, but " better " and with no nerves, panic, or accident that may include coffee and additional tablets. He explained he's capable to concentrate for around five strong hours without having to be lured participate in other disturbances or to check on social networking. "I will state emphatically they function very well off-tag for emphasis," he explained. Questioned be it probable he is encountering a placebo effect, Scott responded, " it perfectly might be to tell the truth," before introducing that declaration may be accurate of numerous different medicines. " is the fact that it works," he explained. "That Is all that concerns in my experience."