#having a hard time w mental health rn

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

[petiolata]

I wish the pretzels i ordered a couple days ago would arrive. I feel like they would fix me 😔

[cutearose]

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[faaun]

AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[fallowfield]

please dont ask me to explain more about my thoughts on elves/dwarves/etc for some reason its literally caused me extreme anxiety. (/srs) not that i hate talking about it just that im embarrassed and nervous about someone going off on me for something i indicated in my post even though it only has like. five notes.

[foxyloueh]

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[roseychains]

How these women fuck (or get fucked) by you

A/n: in a messy situation with some guy rn, my mental health is deteriorating and I have a lot to manage. Idk, except a lot of female oriented content for a little while cuz rn I’m. Yea

C/w: written by a minor!, fem!reader, both sub and dom reader, and all of these warnings go both ways. strap on, oral, fingering, sex toys, lingerie, bondage, marking, scissoring, degradation, exhibitionism, praise, sensory deprivation, temperature play, overstim and edging, role play, hand kink

Featuring: shoko, utahime, and yuki from jjk. Pakunoda, shizuku, and machi from hxh. Misturi and shinobu from demon slayer, and honorable mention yor briar.

Jjk women

Shoko

Purple strap energy. Shoko is a switch but prefers being dom. The only way she’d ever let you take control is if you really want to, but that’s not to say that she takes on a particularly controlling roll either. For her, sex isn’t about labels it’s about making her girlfriend feel good, and herself. The thing that makes her a dom most of the time is the way that she is often the giver, and when you are she still maintains control over the situation.

Definitely smokes while she’s hitting it from the back if you let her. She’d be balls deep in your cunt and have one hand pressed on your back and the other holding a cigar between her lips, turning away to puff out the smoke.

When she goes down on you, she fingers you while she sucks on your clit. She loves watching you get close and your thighs threaten to close around her head.

Speaking of, she needs you to sit on her face. Please. She doesn’t care how heavy you think you are. She will die happily between your thighs, pull her hair too, she will moan.

Double ended dildos are defiantly her favorite toy with you. Throw in a vibrator as well, so your scissoring each other while being penetrated by the same toy and a vibrator between? That’s her favorite thing to do.

Utahime

She’s a switch as well, but she leans to being a sub, a bratty sub. I feel like she’s also a big pillow princess as well, so she prefers to lay back and be at your mercy, not to mention it gets her really turned on when you tell her all the things your going to do to her. She will act bratty to get your attention, to attempt to rile you up in hopes of getting a reaction, getting punished(overstimulated till she cry’s). On the chance she is a dom, I imagine her being a cocky dom now that the tables have finally turned, you’ll be sore for a while.

She looks so good in lingerie, she likes it when you fuck her in it, while you’re wearing some as well. She will constantly talk about it when valentines is coming up, “I sure hope my hot sexy girlfriend doesn’t buy us matching lingerie, that would be so bad I hope that doesn’t happen” (she is a master of reverse psychology)

Being a pillow princess, you’re often the one going down on her. She’s super vocal while you’re eating her out, pulls your hair super hard.

She loves shibari bondage, with silky red ropes gently laced around her body. She doesn’t like normal rope, handcuffs, or tape. Only gentle, pretty silk. To be honest, sex with her is very ascetically pleasing

Yuki

She’s a dom all the way. She is controlling every aspect of your bedroom activity’s, and flawlessly at that. She knows what you want, she knows how you like to be touched, where you’re sensetive, and how to abuse all of that knowledge. Depending on what you prefer, she can either be a mean dom, or a slow romantic lover, or both. She lives to please you, so don’t you move a finger. If you weren’t a pillow princess, you are now.

Dirty talk with her is so good. She says the right things at all the right times, and her smug sexy voice never fails to make you leak through whatever panties you’re wearing.

She will probably at some point bring up the idea of you wearing a vibrator in public and she has the remote. Honestly, she loves seeing you flustered and embarrassed, all the better knowing it’s all her fault.

Wants you to leave marks on her when she fucks you. She wants you to scratch her back, leave red marks that will show in her back-less swim suit the next day, she wears those marks like a badge of honor.

Hxh women

Pakunoda

Service dom vibes. I feel like sex with with her is equally as romantic as it is almost formal. She’s a giver, and dedicated everything she does to your pleasure. With that being said, she is also a brat tamer. So if you act up, except to be bent over her lap and counting each hit. She will give you everything you want, sexually, and expects submission in return.

She’s definitely possessive, and when you go out wearing something revealing she’s making sure she has given you a hickey somewhere on your skin, for when she can’t be with you. But when she can, she has her hand around your waist at all times.

Loves to eat you out slowly so you get needy and start begging for her to finish you off. She will draw it out as long as she can, savoring your taste and reactions, but after a while she will let you cum.

She prefers to fuck you with her fingers as opposed to a strap. She feels like it’s too far away from being her, so she’s rather fuck you with something she has, reminding you that you don’t need any man, or anyone else for that matter.

Shizuku

She’s a sub, but definitely a power bottom. She cannot sit still, and will constantly have her hands on you. Be that pulling your hair while you eat her out, gripping you thighs while she’s going down on you, scratching your back when your fingering her and grabbing your face when you kiss her. Please don’t tie her down. That would make her sad. She just needs something to hold onto.

One of her all time favorite things is riding your strap. Bonus points if you hold her hands, even more if you hold her hips and thrust into her at her same pace, she will literally ride you till she’s crying, panting, and exhausted.

She’s extremely vocal. Even when you’re gently teasing or prepping her, she will let out the most loud pornographic moans, it’s almost like she wants someone else to hear.

She would find it exciting to do risky things, like fucking while the troupe is in the other room. Your have to cover her mouth with your hand or they really will hear.

Machi

She’s a switch because she can do it all. I imagine her being a rough dom, tying you up with her nen stitches and fucking you with her fingers hard and fast. She’s so strong, and can easily manhandle you to her will. She will also choke you. When she’s a sub, I imagine her being kinda shy, she who has always had control of the situation, that control taken away. At the same time though she really loves it, it’s a nice change of place.

Humiliation/degradation with her is soooo good. Her voice is commanding and strict, her holding you down with one hand and fingering you with the other, all while whispering in your ear how slutty you are makes you cum in no time.

When she’s the sub, please praise and encourage her. I imagine her being shy and nervous, Esspecially if it’s her first time being this way. She definitely has to get used to it, learning to let go for a bit but it’s worth it in the end with how good you make her feel.

Sensory deprivation and temperature play both ways are thrilling for her. Either you, tied up and blindfolded, not knowing what she’s going to next, dripping hot wax on your body then rubbing ice over it the next, or her in that same place, she likes it all.

Demon slayer women

Misturi

A shy sub. She doesn’t want to have any control, she just wants to feel good and for you to as well. Probably one of the less kinky people on this list, but she’s open to try anything. But I imagine her mostly enjoying simple stuff, just touching you and you touching her is enough. I feel like she also likes being tied up, nothing crazy just wrist binds, she likes the element of suprise from being restrained.

Sex with her is always soft and gentle. She doesn’t like anything rough or mean, so everything you do is filled with praise and adoration. So even when tears prick in the corners of her eyes, they are pleasure tears.

Kissing 24/7 during sex. She thinks she will die if her lips aren’t on yours at any given moment. She will literally make out with you until you’re both panting and gasping for air, but after one breath she’s going back in for more.

She is super sensitive, and cums from even the lightest touches. She secretly wants you to take advantage of this, please, make her see stars from being between her lush thighs. She just loves it when you go down on her.

Shinobu

She’s a switch but leaning dom. I get the feeling that she lacks experience, but unlike others that doesn’t make her not want to take the lead. I imagine her to be somewhat condescending in bed, with the names she calls you and how she touched you, like you’re just a dumb little girl that she can do with whatever she pleases. However, if she were to be a sub it would be for your pleasure, and she probably would be pretty quiet and shy.

Roleplay with her is big. It doesn’t matter what, she’s down for anything. Predator prey, doctor patient, criminal officer, you’ve done em all. She really gets in character and in her opinion it’s a fun addition to your already more than satisfying sex. She likes watching how you react to different things.

She’s super possessive but she won’t ever act on it in public, she won’t fight or yell, but the second your undressed her mouth is all over your neck, biting, sucking, and kissing. She will probably also have you wear her perfume and clothes, she wants to leave her mark but steadily.

She has a massive hand fetish, yours and her own, but she esspecially likes it when you choke her. No matter who is what role, she likes the pressure that is gentle enough to make her breathing slow down with no real harm, it gets her excited.

Honorable mention

Yor briar

I’m really conflicted on this one. Cuz on one hand, I imagine her being a super shy sub (exhibit A, when loid tried to kiss her) but on the other hand, she’s an assassin and super scary and intimidating so she would maintain that demeanor in bed. Overall, I think she’s just happy to do whatever you want. She doesn’t have much experience so if you’re happy so is she.

When she’s the dom, I can imagine her getting into bondage and roleplay. With enough convincing you could probably even get her to pretend she’s on a mission to apprehend you and get information out of you… a different way.

On the contrary, when you’re on top of her she’s extremely flustered and covering her face. She squirms a lot and is super sensetive to your touch, so even the smallest things get a reaction out of her. That being said, she fucking loves it when you use your strap on her, and hold her hips down.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

you know i've been thinking about the consequences of malleus's actions in book 7 and i realized how much he's fucked everyone over including his grandma. bc like other than the fact that he ob'd (which literally has NEGATIVE connotations one of which being is idk ""UNSTABLE"" which isnt necessarily a good look for a crown prince is all im saying) he's literally causing terrorism (??? can you call it that idk how else to call it) which is going to setback his grandma's efforts (and lilia's and baul's, and every supporter of his and his family) in keeping peace in their kingdom and the favor of the humans towards the fae. Like. i feel so bad for grandmother draconia rn i can only imagine the stress and pressure she's under.

Then theres also aside from PHYSCIALLY compromising everyone's healths in sage island (BECAUSE THE MAJORITY ARE HUMANS OR AT LEAST THEY DONT LIVE AS LONG AS THE FAE). He's also fucked everyone mentally twice over!!!! By booting them straight into a world where none of their problems exist. Now that wouldnt sound bad if it weren't for the fact that dreams have to end, and life isnt kind. It rarely ever is, and i can only imagine how distraught i would be if i were to say, hypothetically lost someone a year before and the wound is so fresh and raw and, in my dreams, they never died and everything is okay, then i wake up and realize that it was just that. A dream, they are still gone and i wish i never woke up which would be a LITERAL DEATH SENTENCE. This isnt just an event that takes place in NRC either BUT THE WHOLE ISLAND and that domain is GROWING, GROWING. I can't imagine just how many would be so emotionally ruined after this. Like.....

If Malleus does not suffer the consequences of his actions istg i will be so pissed, at least REMOVE HIM FROM THE PREMISE OR SOMETHING GODDDDDDD this cannot be remedied with a slap on the hand!!!!!

(Note: Sorry for the long rant. I felt the need to get this out of my chest bc i dont mind malleus's archetype actually nor do i actually hate him, bc i enjoy him interacting w other characters a lot (my fave ever vigenette is him giving deuce the equivalent of minecraft diamon for fixing a retrobit gaming toy) BUT GOD DOES HE MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL)

Yeah, I do feel like the scale of Malleus's actions cannot be understated. I know it's kind of a fandom joke that the OB boys are left off with a slap on the wrist + maybe some social ramifications at school, but this is the ONE time in the main story where things are getting super big and the effects could be cripplingly long-lasting.

I don't know if TWST will seriously address the consequences after book 7, but I sure hope they do!! There is a lot of interesting ground to cover (many points which this anon has already brought up) in a follow-up main story arc or the next book.

For example:

Malleus obviously has to regain the trust of his peers and staff. He didn’t really have it before but now has to work twice as hard to make connections since he just took a drastic action that confirmed the rumors some were already spreading about how he’s a monster.

He’s the sole heir to the throne and has just betrayed the trust of the people of Briar Valley. How are they feeling about him now? Do they still trust him to lead them?

How does this impact their relations with other countries (since Malleus himself stresses how he represents Briar Valley)? This is a problem visible on a global scale, and surely this would damage their rep with other nations, particularly the predominantly human ones. It’s setting back what is hundreds of years of trying to fix the broken trust between their races.

Malleus’s UM potentially puts his victims in physical harm; in book 7, Ortho suggests that since everyone is sleeping, their bodies are not getting the food or water they need. As a result, they may physically waste away and then perish. (We have seen that there are sleep blessings that keep people sleeping for hundreds of years without detriment to the blessed though, such as the one cast on Silver—so we cannot be entirely sure if Ortho’s theory is correct or not.)

There is the possibility that Malleus’s dreams may traumatize or retraumatize his victims, particularly those with deep rooted troubles. An example of this is Idia, who had suffered the loss of his brother when he was like… 8 years old??? But then in his dream, Idia is living a happy false reality that Ortho never died. When he finally comes to this realization, he has to relive the trauma of the discovery all over again and breaks down sobbing. We also see in the most recent book 7 update that Vil had to face the evilest aspects of himself and a dark reality; Rook became very emotional upon waking himself. Admittedly, Idia and co. coped with it well enough—this is proof of their character development and the strength of the new friendships they’ve formed. However, all the people on Sage’s Island/Twisted Wonderland may not react so positively or be so accepting of their cruel realities.

Again, just the overall moral dilemma of one person robbing all of Sage’s Island (and soon all of Twisted Wonderland) of their autonomy.

Potential extra work for STYX and whichever countries Malleus’s magic manages to spread to (repairing any physical damage caused by the thorns + mental damage done to those that fell asleep). That’s money, time, and resources that aren’t going toward other everyday endeavors.

How will Malleus himself mentally and emotionally cope with what he has done? Is he going to show remorse and shame? How does he plan on rectifying his actions, if at all?

Will this change how his dorm members + family view him? For example, will Sebek become disillusioned with his liege/realize Malleus is not as perfect as he seems? Will Maleficia blame herself for not being there for Malleus? Will Lilia feel guilty for not teaching Malleus right from wrong? Etc, etc, etc.

I’d honestly love to read all of these! 🤔 It would add a lot to the lore and history of Twisted Wonderland, as well as serve as motivators for Malleus to change, “be better”, and actually earn the respect he’s so used to being handed by default. This would be huge for him, especially seeing as he has not really faced significant backlash or consequences for any other missteps he was responsible for or involved in. (I know I bring this one up a lot, but Endless Halloween Night is one such major example.)

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Feb 24th

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1. Eyyyy it's me boyfriend XD (eyyyyy hello again 😊 - Mod C)

I'm here for a fic (I think it's a time travel fic) that I forgot the name of. All I remember is a scene where a village in Lotus Pier was flooded and Yanli, Jiang Cheng, and Wei Ying went to aid the people. Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan also tagged along but Lan Zhan is openly courting Wei Ying on that fic while Jin Zixuan is being himself

And that's sadly all that I remember 😔. Thank you!

FOUND? This is probably a stretch but #1 isnt And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together), is it?

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2. There was this fic I read sometime ago and it was about how lan Wangji accidentally uses silencing spell on wwx too hard that wwx isn't able to open his mouth again and lan Wangji isn't able to lift the spell. It's during the cloud recesses study arc and the major issues with the permanent silencing spell is that Wei Wuxian isn't able to even eat anything and he can't practice inedia fir long. Please find this fic?

FOUND? 🧡 Couldn't Scream Couldn't Shout by mermorgie (T, 42k, WIP, WangXian, Not for jc stans, i tried to not bash jc too much but like, Muteness, Sign Language, references to selective mutism, Homophobic JC, canon jc characteristics, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Anxiety Attacks, Pining, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Supportive Sibling LXC, JZX Tries, LQR Tries, Protective JZX, Scheming NHS, Bisexual JZX, LWJ is Bad at Communicating, WWX Has ADHD, Autistic LWJ, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, Jiāng Family Bashing)

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3. hi !! this is for ficfinder, i'm looking for this modern au with crime elements ?? i think wwx is a thief/pickpocket, and lwj and the lan clan are organised crime ish but art associated. lsz and ljy were also heavily featured as mentees of lwj, wwx makes a playlist. it was multi-chap, probs over 30k. they correspond over email quite a bit, and it's set in multiple cities, there's an entire chap where they talk to each other in logical fallacies and friere is quoted. tysm !!

FOUND! (i’ve got) trouble in mind by seularen (E, 76k, wangxian, JGY/LXC, modern w magic, heist au, thief WWX, forger LWJ, consigliere JGY, epistolary, long-distance relationship, d/d elements, Canon wangxian kinks, happy ending)

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4. Brain cannot brain rn so I need you guys' help finding a fic

So like, it was a Canon divergent fic where wwx submitted himself to the clans and was ordered to be cleansed of resentful energy in order to... prove he wasn't corrupted? Something like that? For the Wens? And it was ritual dual cultivation. He was sent blindfolded to a room so he couldn't tell who it would be (it was lwj, of course.) Wwx knew it wouldn't exactly work cuz he didn't have a core, but he did it anyway.

There was a second.... part? Chapter? The was from Lwj's pov of after, where he finds out about the core, then JC? A Jiang disciple? Shows up to tell them to get their asses to the conference hall because JGS is being JGS and this whole thing was mostly just a distraction

That's all I can remember, thanks for the help!

Hi 👋 4 from the latest fic finder, a friend on discord found the fic I was looking for! It was 'the meaning of the ritual' by newamsterdam

FOUND! the meaning of the ritual by newamsterdam (E, 8k, wangxian, Explicit Sexual Content, Blindfolds, Light Bondage, Ritual Sex, Canon Divergence, Let LWJ Fuck the YLLZ 2k19, First Time Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Porn with Feelings)

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5. I'm hoping you can help me find a fic.I haven't had any luck searching for it. I think it's a time travel fic. At one point it's during the Cloud Recesses classes. Jiang Fengmian is the Chief Cultivator and comes to talk to Jiang Cheng. They're talking in Nie Huaisang's room and he and Lan Xichen are standing outside it. Jin Zixuan walks by talking loudly about Jiang Yanli in a really rude way and Jiang Fengmian hears him and comes out to confront him. Any help would be appreciated!

FOUND! We'll Build A Dynasty (one the heavens can't shake) by One_eyed_God (T, 66k, wangxian, WQ & WWX, WN & WWX, JYL & WWX, canon typical Jiang family dynamics, BAMF WWX, Canon JC Characteristics, POV Outsider, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, WWX is a Wēn, Sect Leader WWX, Genius WWX, The Casual Intimacy of Hand-Holding, A Love Letter to WWX, Minor JYL/LXC, Not JC Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It) the scene described happens about a third of the way into the first chapter

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6. Hello and I hope I'm doing this right. I remember this fic that's set in the modern setting and mo xuanyu is recently married (engaged?) To lan zhan but wei ying takes over the body and then just decides to follow along. Lan Zhan ends up finding out that it's a different soul and ends up falling in love with him. I don't remember the name and I hope you can find it if it's not deleted. Thank you! @nightshade2017

FOUND! Write It on My Neck by diamondbruise (E, 23k, wangxian, A/B/O, Transmigration, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Fake Marriage, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Happy Ending, Anal Sex, Spanking, usual wangxian cnc elements, Misunderstandings)

is it a transfiguration as opposed to resurrection?

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7. hello! love what you’re doing with the blog! i need help finding a fic: i remember it was lqr pov and at one point lwj left the lan sect behind to go to the burial mounds and lqr and some other elders go to investigate and find o ur lwj and wwx married and adopted a gaggle of children. i remember lqr nagging on lwj for disrespecting lan rules bcs he was wearing like too many adornments and spoiling the kids. also the rabbits had their own pen in there.

FOUND? 🔒 Unpack Your Heart by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 22k, wangxian, Romance, Everybody Lives, Canon Divergence, LWJ Has Feelings, Protective LWJ, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, Wangxian in Love, YLLZ WWX, Lan Clan Elders are Assholes, Minor Transgender Character, Qiongqi Path Divergence, LWJ loves his bunnies)

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8. Hello! I'm looking for a fic which I cannot remember the name of. The main things I remember are that Meng Yao stays for the Cloud recesses lectures and roommates with Nie Huaisang. The only scene I can remember is Nie Huaisang ends up mudering a Jin disciple who tried to kill Meng Yao with a rope. Wei Wuxian ends up finding them afterwards and getting help right after.

FOUND? somewhere to belong by KouriArashi (T, 62k, LXC/JGY, JGY & NHS, wangxian, JGY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Friendship, Developing Relationship, Families of Choice, Class Issues, Bullying, Light Angst, Politics, Eventual Plot, Happy Ending)

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9. Hello, I am looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian is not brought into the body of Mo Xuanyu. Rather a random cultivator does the ritual instead as revenge for killing his family in the nightless city. His terms are for Wei Wuxian to despair, so naturally WWX finds Lan Wangji and falls in love only for the ritual wounds to start trying to kill him for not despairing. He nearly loses his arm before they figure out how to save him. Happy ending.

There's also a few bits about WWX trying to get the sword of his body's og owner to come around and work with him. @shinyobsessed

FOUND! A Storm of Laughter in the Stillness of the Jingshi by OnlyMeAndMyBones, 2nd in series (T, 74k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, injury, recovery, mental illness, depression, PTSD, rehabilitation, slow burn, empathy, guilt, forgiveness, suicidal thoughts)

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10. Hi! Can someone help me find this fic, please?

Lan Wangji is a post-war-soldier and nowadays is actually helping people to adopt a therapeutic “bunnie”. A man named Wei Ying goes there trying to find a bunnie to adopt, lwj get supper mad because this “man” is loud and disastrous and ask (order) him to go out of there. Later he learns with lxc that “Wei Ying” is actually Wei Wuxian, one of the most dangerous people from the war.

Lwj gets sad about his treatment towards wwx, because both of them are very traumatized by the war. That’s the beginning for their future relationship. It’s setting in modern setting too.

Thank you! @weicongee

FOUND? Recovery by Unforth (G, 27k, WangXian, Modern AU, Rabbit Breeder LWJ, Veteran LWJ, Veteran WWX, PTSD, therapy animals, Therapy Rabbits, LWJ is an Asshole Sometimes, Doctor WQ, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Former Prisoner of War WWX, LXC is a Good Brother, Gray Asexual LWJ, Anxiety Disorder)

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11. Hi hi! There's a modern au fic I'm looking for that I can't find no matter how many tag searches I do! It's a modern au where wwx gets drunk and sad bc he loves lwj and he doesn't think he cares for him back. Nhs calls lwj for a rise home for him, but wwx doesn't know its him and "services" him on the way home if you know what I mean

I think it ends with nhs texting one of them to talk to each other so they finally get together

FOUND!🔒Nie Huaisang plays cupid like a baller by KizuKatana (M, 10k, WangXian, Accidental drunken confession, Dirty Talk, sort of mistaken identity, Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism, so much pining, So many tropes)

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12. hello i am looking for a fic where lan wangji is a stripper and wei wuxian is the bodyguard who is protective of him, and it was probably xianwang @ahiku-chan

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13. hi! Last year I read a fic where Wei Ying is kept imprisoned or like in an unresponsive state in Jin Guangyao’s secret room behind the mirror. He’s accidentally consumes/cursed with a spell that requires him to have sex to stay alive? Jin Guangyao then calls Jiang Cheng to pick him up and they return to Lotus Pier where after a couple of days Wei Ying like I have to leave cause I don't deserve to be here. Lan Zhan then finds him in a state of delirium. That was the last update then. Thank you sm

FOUND? 🔒 The Return series by LtLJ (G, 63k, JC & WWX, wangxian, WWX & WQ, WN & WQ, Canon Divergence, Yunmeng Brothers Reconciliation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, YLLZ WWX, BAMF LWJ, five year old JL, ten year old LSZ, ten year old LJY, discussion of a canon suicide attempt, canon-typical curses, Angry sabre spirits, BAMF Everybody, Complicated Relationships, they're trying but they aren't there yet, BAMF NHS, Canon-Typical Behavior, Hurt/Comfort, WQ Lives, WWX & WQ Friendship, BFFs)

FOUND? till our ribs get tough by feelslikefire (E, 38k, JC/WWX, wangxian, WIP, Dubious Consent, Forced Feminization, magical pussy, Sex Pollen, Fuck Or Die, Possessive Behavior, Breeding Kink, Canon Divergence, Top JC, Top LWJ, Bottom WWX, Bondage, bondage via Zidian, Dubcon Somnophilia, WWX has possessive boyfriends but luckily he's into it, Intercrural Sex, Cunnilingus, Anal Sex, Spanking, Pussy Spanking, Dirty Talk, Porn With Plot, Oral Sex, Rough Sex) It has fuck or die and starts with Wei Wuxian being kept in the secret room

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14. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that I clicked on in tumblr (possibly through your page, I have no clue) read about half the first chapter put my phone down and then reloaded the app it went all the way back to the top of the feed, never to see the fic again 😭

It was a Canon divergence AU, WWX thought Something Was Probably Up when he got the invite to JL's one month celebration so went in disguise as a woman, and the first line was him hitting on LWJ, who obviously twigged almost right away and took him to an inn, and that was all I got to.

Sorry it's not much to go on but hopefully someone recognises it! Thank yooou 💕 @scenicpixie

FOUND! My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

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15. hi can u plshelp me find this fic it's driving me crazy as i don't remember the name

Basically wwx and lwj are already married but wwx wears a mask all the time and tbh they barely get to see each other like during the cave scene here lwj kept on deliriously calling his name they then kissed for the first time (they were already married during this)and then lwj pushed him away like literally ...

also they like had sex for the first time at where wwx was sitting w his ghost girls(they were already married during this too)...the ghost girls were still there this time lwj jus appeared wwx waxed poetry abt him jus standing there(who woudnt)he indirectly told wwx to not commit infidelity wwx seductively walked to him seduced him they fucked then wwx pushed him away literally and yea lwj went away

also wwx had adopted some babies too at the end i rmb

and yea during all this wwx wore tht fucking mask

FOUND? sounds like A Price to Pay by wangxianist which unfortunately has been deleted. 😭

~*~

16. hellooo, i'm looking for a fic where wei ying came from new york (i think) it was somewhere in america to china. wei ying lives with lan zhan along with his uncle and brother. i still remember a scene where lan zhan asked wei ying to take off his shoes but he misunderstood and took off his pants instead lol. thanks!!!

FOUND? The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

~*~

17. Hi, I'm not sure if this is how this works. If I'm doing it wrong please let me know.

I've been looking everywhere for a story where Wei Ying is a reincarnated phoenix and doesn't know it. He eventually finds out and because of everything he goes through, he's taken over by the pheonix, and the firebird part of him wants to destroy the world.

I remember the sects locked him in the Gusu caves while they tried to find out how to control him.

Eventually Lan Zhan figures out a loophole where the Phoenix/firebird agrees to hold off until Lan Zhan dies...and then Lan Zhan cultivates immortality as a loophole. I remember it was on AO3 and was complete.

I'd be grateful for any help you guys could give me. @vitolieltrue

FOUND? Breathing Firestorm by ladyshadowdrake (M, 110k, wangxian, angst, fluff, captivity, creepy WRH, no non-con, dreamsharing, politics, people making the best decisions they can, epic length, mythical creature WWX, canon-typical violence, dark, happy ending)

~*~

18. Hii i have a fic i cant seem to find anymore T_T. It was modern, explicit, with genderbent wangxian and pretty much just smut. I have this vivid recollection of butch lan wangji with short hair sitting in a bar (?). Then (but this might be me confusing two fics together tbh) they agreed to a deal where lwj showed wwx how to kiss, how to be intimate etc, and theyd have lessons at lwj's house every few days or such.

FOUND! throw the keys back by dustyloves (E, 31k, wangxian, F/F, Gender Changes, Cisswap, Modern, College/University, The Porn Is the Plot, Virginity Kink, Dom/sub, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Sexting, Dirty Talk, Non-Consensual Spanking, Mild Painplay, Mutual Pining, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Under-negotiated Kink, despite the tags it's actually quite soft)

NOT FOUND! sideways by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 20k, wangxian, F/F, Modern, Cisswap, butch dyke LWJ, Casual Sex, not so casual sex, many many orgasms, Fingerfucking, Cunnilingus, strap-on sex, So much kissing, WWX gets rekt, straight girl WWX, except for how she isn't)

~*~

19. For the fic finder, I saw someone mention a fic in which after LWJ and WWX wander off with their donkey in the novel epilogue, they come back and find that LWJ's been voted Chief Cultivator behind his back. He does not take this well. Does anyone know of it? @kedaliya

~*~

20. Hey I'm looking for this fic where either WY or LZ is a camboy and the other accidentally finds the account. They subscribe and continues to watch their channel behind their back.

But the camboy eventually finds out and they have a fight regarding respect and boundaries. All is well in the end but the camboy is extremely disappointed the other went behind his back to watch his channel and pretended like he didn't know anything. The other party apologises.

Does it ring any bell? @imstillthinkingaboutithmm

FOUND? For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm (E, 170k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Pining, Porn, like in the writing and also as a plot point, onlyfans au, repressed LWJ, sex worker WWX, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Background ChengQing, background NieLan, background XuanLi, Nonbinary NHS)

FOUND? ❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ) HGBun has reached immortality and finally finds WWX reincarnated

~*~

[cadaverre]

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

hi everyone and welcome back to junos monthly newsletter !!! i hope uve all had a wonderful month, whether its getting warmer or colder where u are (thank god its warming up here i would be dying if it was still winter) and i hope u enjoy this months edition ★ 

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲

this month was actually one of my fav months of the year so far, my mental health is doing so much better and im finding that the weather is really impacting that. usually its not this warm and sunny but i am so fucking thankful it is !! i had my huge performance this month and it made me super excited to join more music groups and js about performance in general, its such a wonderful night of the year and i always feel so sad when its over !

𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜

monthly playlist charm - clairo manic - halsey short n sweet - sabrina carpenter  hypochondriac - brakence better off - esha tewari home video - lucy dacus

𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 + 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬

» buffy the vampire slayer - up to season 2 i started watching this show this month and ohh my god i love it !! buffy is such an icon and i love the plot and general vibes, i cant wait to watch more ( cordelia, drusilla and buffy are my fav characters so far btw ) » the perks of being a wallflower (rewatch) - 9/10 i always forget how devastating this movie is and then i watch and im like oh! this is soul destroying! but i love it soso much and it always makes me cry » jennifers body - 9.5/10 oh my god. i love this movie soo much megan fox is so fucking hot and its so iconic and aah im. yeah. love.  » (500) days of summer - 8/10 love this movie !! i loveee the non linear storytelling and i think the acting suits the genre and vibes so well, it wasn’t boring at all which i loved. very nice chill vibes tho » deadpool - 8/10 this movie is soso silly, i love the dynamic camera and again, the non linear storytelling is so yummy. i did not appreciate the like 20 min sex scene as i watched this w my dad but i rlly wanna watch the second one !! » janet planet - 4.5/10  idk this movie gave me weird vibes u can read my review here » thirteen - 8.5/10 the vibes? immaculate. wardrobe? im so jealous. taking drugs? not cool. very stressful at times but i still loved it

𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬

» lolita - unfinished still reading it !! its a little hard to get through but i do like picking it up and reading a few pages every day, its getting so strange but the writing is so enchanting i cant stop reading lowkey … hopefully it’ll be done by the end of next month !! » the virgin suicides - unfinished been reading this occasionally and ohh my god i love it. the whole narration/how its being told from a sort of unknown perspective in a documentary style is so yeah. im so fucking hyped to finish it » my year of rest and relaxation - unfinished yes i am reading three books at once and yes it is slightly inconvenient but !!!! i got this book recently and its so… dreary?? but i love it ?? i feel like i dont have to have my literary analysis hat on to read it which is nice compared to the other books im reading rn.

𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝 / 𝐚𝐞𝐬

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

@dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies + lmk if u wanna be tagged !!

[headspace-hotel]

I'm probably gonna regret attaching my name to this but I slept on it and I'm still really upset but now more coherent (so please delete this if it's unwelcome).

First of all I'm really sorry you're dealing w this shit. I hope you're taking care of yourself rn.

Second of all.... holy fuck Inneskeeper has handled this horribly. I'm trying to extend the benefit of the doubt and say he just needs time, we all do, but it's very hard when he's been acting as though a day is enough time for everyone to get over the fear he spread.

It's really upsetting to see him bring up both his schizophrenia and his career as reasons why he was upset without ever actually uttering the words "I'm sorry, I was wrong." without needing to read between the lines.

It's a really concerning trend I've noticed reappearing now that actual celebrities and just plain old popular users are becoming more open with their mental health, that "I was having a psychotic break/I was having a manic episode/I was blah-de-blah" somehow taking the place of an actual apology. As if explaining it means you no longer have to take action or responsibility.

Especially given he was bringing up his profession during all this. As a professional especially he has a responsibility. I know "this is tumblr" but this is TUMBLR. People don't fact-check. You have sway. Especially as a professional.

He could've made the post unrebloggable, but if he did I haven't seen it. He could've pinned a post that actually contained information/a retraction/a quick apology and explanation, instead we got "I'm taking a break". He edited the post, but given part of his defense was that reblog chains are uncontrollable an edit you would not see unless you clicked back to his blog is...

I'm really hoping that once he comes back he'll say something. Because I know parasocial relationship and all that but I really did respect him, as someone transgender and with some of my specific mental illnesses in a field I'm deeply interested in.

But now I'm just... tired. He spread that same cycle of panic and delusion to everyone who read that post. Here I was thinking that I just got my dog back from the vet and now she and everyone else I love was going to die, that the apocalypse was coming.

Until I did the googling he as an actual ecologist did not do. As if me taking a tumblr post and freaking is less acceptable than him taking a twitter post and freaking.

I don't want to cancel him or bully him. I don't doubt that he's gotten some ableist nonsense, because the internet sucks. But he really hurt a lot of people and did a lot of damage. All I want is him to plainly say "I'm sorry, I did it because [x/y/z] but it was still wrong and I hurt people. Here is some actual information. I'm going to log off." Without a billion asterisks.

And honestly maybe apologize for siccing people on you but frankly given how hard my opinion of him has tanked I'm not gonna hold my breath.

I'm fine. The block button is a wonderful thing.

My feelings are mixed. Yes, I see that it would be terrifying to have your mental illness warp your perception of an event, but...you're not the only mentally ill person on Earth, and it's no less terrifying to be triggered into an episode by false information.

I have been asked by several followers to trigger tag #unreality because that kind of thing really messes with them. And the post was framed in a particularly triggering way—encouraging conspiratorial thinking by saying that there's a "media blackout" and that the official sources are downplaying the severity.

The post is still circulating as of this morning, and the misleading version is still hitting people's dashes and suckering people in. Why would you not just make it unrebloggable?

I don't know. I really don't know what to think of the whole thing.

The Twitter OP makes me honestly furious, claiming that "the cops" "blew it up" when it was first responders putting their lives in danger to stop the burning train cars from exploding. It's so frustrating to see people acting like they're calling it a "controlled burn" to cover up idiotic mismanagement. The crews that responded to this accident at great potential risk to their lives don't deserve to be called cops and slandered for making the best decision they could have possibly made.

In general it's worrying how folks on social media are responding—by encouraging paranoia and mistrust by attributing malice or idiocy to the people trying to manage the accident.

Folks say "fuck cops" but they can't distinguish cops from firefighters and hazardous materials crews working to save lives. That's scary to me.

I don't think we know enough yet to ascertain the causes of the accident, but I want to caution against looking for a specific party to blame as being at fault, because...these things can happen even when we do everything right. As long as we use these hazardous chemicals to make things, this is always a possibility.

And it's not necessarily a "preventable" failure of society that we make and use PVC, either. One of the causes of how widespread plastics are is that they are genuinely useful materials with properties that no other materials have. PVC pipe is what probably makes the plumbing in your house. Before PVC, there was copper, which is incredibly expensive, has a tendency to burst with temperature changes, and corrodes and reacts with various chemicals.

And the sad fact is, environmental disasters like this happen a lot. Many of them worse than this.

Not too far from where I live, there was a case where tons of radioactive waste were dumped into a municipal landfill. This radioactive waste was being handled by workers who didn't know what it was and had no protection. This was a case of malicious dodging of regulations. Mining coal creates radioactive and toxic waste that is constantly mismanaged. I was doing reports on local environmental news for my geology class a while back and many of the coal mines in Eastern Kentucky have a hundredfold violations of environmental and safety regulations, and companies usually dodge responsibility.

I hope this incident inspires people to think and talk about environmental regulations and rights of workers in the rail industry. What with the railroad strikes going on, I think it's worth considering that this is why we need to look out for the welfare of rail workers—you want the people handling the shipment of hazardous chemicals to be well rested and well protected.

[fairycosmos]

i think i'm breaking up with my boyfriend bc he doesn't like me that much but i don't think i want to because there's a heavy amount of grief and idk if i can stand it. i might kill myself

please do not kill yourself this is going to sound like a headache and an eyeroll and a whatever to hear and maybe it will take some time before you are able to get to a point where you can process it for what it is but i mean this so literally: if he does not like and appreciate you as much as you deserve to be liked and appreciated then your future may not be with him and if that is the case it's because a better one is out there. with how shit i imagine you feel rn you could probably read that a million times and it wouldn't feel true but it literally is true and i know you would feel the same ab any of your loved ones who are not getting what they deserve in their relationships. i know this is so so heavy and so hard and i won't pretend like i understand the nuances of your relationship w him, everything you've shared together, and it is completely understandable that right now you can't stand it. it is understandable that it feels like hell. despite that you are more than this feeling and your long long life is much more than this awfully painful moment. it's ok to do what you need to do for yourself and it's ok to grieve the relationship intensely anyway. please just try to focus on making it through moment to moment rather than catastrophisising about what may or may not be. much easier said than done i know but i promise this is not the end of the world - but it's normal to feel like it is for some time while you process and digest it all. i truly hope you have the support you deserve at the moment and that you're able to give yourself some grace and kindness. please please know i am here any time if you need a friend or just want to vent or whatever. sending you the biggest hug x

international suicide hotlines / tips for processing letting someone go / how to take care of your mental health before a breakup

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[gingerhastoomanyobsessions]

I have a genuine based in canon well thought out refutation to the people who think that absolutely none of the bill backstory we’ve gotten is true/that bill spawned into existence pure evil from the start. and that fans who believe he was ever Not evil are just being dumb. but this is not that refutation. logos can have its day in the sun in a second but rn pathos wants its time to shine

disclaimer that I know that bill is a liar who tortures people and manipulates and blah blah blah. I am aware that he sucks. It Is Known. I am aware that I might be falling for lies and might be proven definitively wrong in later content. however for now I am spinning what we do have in my brain microwave, because what we do have hits a specific and personal button for me

like. kid is born who sees the world differently. (in this case, literally). nobody gets it. parents try to medicate it away. peers see it as something to be mocked. nobody gets it. kid stops trying to tell people. it doesn’t go away and it doesn’t get better. nobody gets it. kid grows up some and thinks the people around them would understand if they could just see. they throw caution to the wind and take the big risk assuming that this will be their hero moment where they embrace their difference and show the world the truth and it’ll all work out in the end. instead it destroys everything and everyone they’ve ever known. instead of recognizing what they’ve done and try to change, they decide that disaster was inevitable and lean in harder

and like…maybe this is just the weirdly specific bits of my life falling into place but. I kinda relate? to baby bill, anyway. to the kid who was different. and I can see another version of my life where I leaned into the spite and resentment that was there (tbh that still is there, a little) and decided that everyone else was in the wrong

cause when you feel like being yourself inherently means hurting other people, it can be easier to say that it’s because you were just born awful than to try to change it.

fortunately most of us are Not born with the ability to light fires with our brain. but as someone w mental health stuff that can make it hard to be around me, who is trying every single day to convince myself that changing for the better is worth it, I look at Bill’s decision— his “everyone else in euclydia is wrong and I’m going to be me and Show Them even if it risks destroying an entire dimension”— and the fallout that ensued that led him to become the fucked up monster he is by the time of the series. and I see the worst case scenario. what he should have done is what the pines have done: to support and be supported by family and to grow as a person, just like ford had to overcome his pride and mabel had to accept growing up and dipper had to learn to trust. but instead he chose the worst possible option. sometimes I like villains because they remind me what NOT to be.

and to people who think I’m dumb for finding meaning in a story that might be a lie: it’s all lies, baby! it’s fiction! truth is a construct!!!!!!we’re all just meat and electricity with neuroses that we try to cope with by imagining fake little guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[enden-k]

Your Alien Stage art introduced brain-chemistry altering doomed gays that made me feral for days now. The music, the art, the emotions, everything drives me insane. the best way i get into things nowadays is by osmosis and every time you talk about your current interests it's like a breath of fresh air and i fall into anxiety-reducing rabbit holes. it's always exciting to see what comes next. also, your ocs live rent-free in my head and getting any glimpses of them sparks so much joy <33

thanks for this message really!!!! tbh im getting rlly tired of hyv lately, i think its the constant drama and bs they keep pulling that makes it hard to stay/enjoy, paired with how time consuming the games are and how little time or energy i have lately that im unwilling to spend just gaming to keep up with anything (im v inconsistent/casual w their games rn, checking in whenever the mood strikes)

i rlly needed smth new (not at all tied to hyv) so i used the time instead to return to old interests (FF, n+c,...) or get into everything my sis or ppl recommended me over the past months and im so happy and feeling sm better (mental health); i read WAY more books and watched more shows in the past weeks than i did in the years i played gnshn and thats a lil shocking tbh AHHAH

ANYWAY im happy ppl dont mind my new stuff and even get into new things as well through this, makes more possible ppl to ramble with about it akjscb <3

also thanks for liking my ocs!!!!! i was thinking abt posting more of my other stories and not just gg :]

[spookyji]

ugh didn’t want to really officially close it but honestly have been in the garbage bin in terms of mental health ever since vacation ended :/ i’ll be canceling my 2k event bc i haven’t really been able to motivate myself to do a lot n it’s been really hard to write lately. i’m going on a break to kind of decide what i want to do w this blog now,,, at least for the rest of this week and part of next week idk yet,, being uncomfortable with a lot of asks i received and just feeling like i can’t write well anymore kind of leads me to not really being excited to write and share my ideas.

and i think i need to work w and be honest w myself is about my like relationship w txt,,, it’s probably not that healthy to rely on them so heavily to make myself feel even okay a lot of the time. idk,, it’s been on my mind lately n i don’t want to become someone who can’t exist normally without them (?) it’s hard to describe, ig i use delusional as a joke a lot but it’s in part that i’m a bit afraid that i’m becoming someone like that,,, if that makes any sense.

i’m not canceling my yeonjun bday event rn, i still want to run one for him bc he means so much to me, but atm i’m not in the best place mentally to be able to figure everything out :( but for now i just really need a break for myself

i’m sorry for letting down a lot of readers all the time, i feel like i’ve always been so bad with running this blog n feeling a nonexistent pressure to always write :( thank you to all my mutuals and readers who have stuck around w me for so long bc honestly i’m a disaster, but i hope i can come back as a better mille sooner or later, so until then, see you~

- mille