#having a hashtag online day sorry. well when am i not

[steelycunt]

with every little note and annotation and underlining i subject my copy of giovannis room to she becomes just a little bit more dear to me...smthn smthn if my house was burning down and i could only save five things...

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew X Reader | Pt. 11

Part 11: Apologies

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The entire day had gone by and still no word from Spencer. You knew he had to have seen it, and knowing him as well as you do, you knew he listened to the song. You just hoped it was enough. 

While the Spencer situation wasn’t necessarily going well, online was sparking with excitement about Birds of a feather. The hashtag had been trending all day and you once again were in a bright spotlight on the public stage. You had received texts and calls from friends congratulating you on your second successful song in such a short amount of time. Everytime your phone buzzed or rang your heart skipped a beat, hoping you would see your favorite contact pop up, but it never did. 

Feeling defeated, you decided to go for a drive to clear your head. You didn’t have a destination in mind, allowing yourself to think about nothing but the road in front of you. Before you knew it you had somehow ended up at your ramen place. You’d never gone alone, this was an experience you only shared with Spencer. You decided that since you were already there you would stop in and get food. 

You walked in, immediately becoming emotional at the comforting scent of broth and spices. Mrs. Ito greeted you, walking with you to one of the small booths. 

“The usual?” She asked, smiling at you. 

“Actually, I’m getting something different today,” You said. You went on to recite Spencer’s go-to order, hoping it would make you feel a little closer to him. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Mr. Ito asked, joining his wife's side as he placed a glass of water down on your table. 

“He’s, uh, he’s not my boyfriend,” You finally explained, sadly. “And he’s not coming today, it’s just me.” The words hurt to say. It felt wrong doing this without Spencer but you were already here and thought this might be good for you. 

You scrolled on twitter as you waited for your food, liking different tweets about you and smosh. It didn’t take long for your food to come out, you politely thanked Mr. Ito as he set the steaming bowl in front of you. 

Soon after the door opened again, the small bell chiming as the door swung inside. You glanced up towards the door, shocked to see Spencer of all people, shrugging off his light jacket. 

“Ah Spencer! Welcome!” Mrs. Ito greeted warmly. It didn’t take long for Spencer to notice you. You looked away as soon as he looked at you, feeling an intense pressure under his gaze. 

“Oh, hey.” He said, walking the small distance to your table. 

“Hi.” 

“Is… Is that my ramen order?” He asked, recognizing the toppings and smell of the broth. 

“What? No.” You replied quickly, “Okay, yeah it is.” you admitted. 

“Can I sit?” Spencer asked, a flattered smile gracing his face. 

“Of course.” 

You sat quietly for a moment, moving the noodles around in your bowl as you avoided eye contact. 

“So…” Spencer began, “I thought it was our unspoken rule to not go here without the other.” 

“Well, technically i'm not anymore” You said, gesturing to him.

“Touche.” 

“So…” You mirrored. Another silence permeating the space. “I’m sorry.” You said quietly, shrinking into yourself. 

“Okay.” Spencer returned. 

“I was so scared, Spence. I am so scared.” You continued, the words falling out of your mouth without much thought. 

“Why? Do I scare you?” He asked.

“No! What? No. I-” You sighed, shaking your head, trying to figure out what you wanted to say. “I’ve spent the last years becoming okay with just being your friend. I’ve been totally in love with you for… well for forever. And when you told me you lov-” You stopped yourself, afraid to say it. “When you told me what you told me I realized everything was gonna change and that was so scary. I shouldn’t have left. I know that. But I woke up to your warmth, your smell, your soul, all next to me and my fight or flight kicked in I guess.” 

You weren’t sure you were making any sense. You hadn’t looked up from your soup, scared to face whatever emotion Spencer was feeling. “And when I got home I called Amanda and she helped me calm down and then I talked to Shayne at work and when I tried to talk to you, you ignored me, probably rightfully so.” you explained, wanting to be honest with Spencer as much as you could. “And if you never want to see me again I get it because I have been so unfair to you.” 

For the third time since Spencer sat down there were no words. Just the sounds of the traffic outside and the muffled conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Ito from the kitchen. 

“I would never, not wanna see you again Y/N.” Spencer expressed. “I gotta keep you around. Birds of a feather, right?” 

Your eyes shot to his, a small smile playing at his lips. “You heard?” 

“I couldn’t stop listening to it.” He admitted, blushing a little. “I forgive you Y/N.” He stated, knowing you wouldn’t believe him if he didn't say it explicitly. “I wasn’t the most fair to you either.”

“Truce?” You asked.

“Truce.” He agreed. 

—

Spencer came back to your apartment with you, taking both of your food to go. You sat on the couch together, playing your third grand prix of mario kart, making each other laugh as you joked through each race. You paused as the last game ended, Spencer coming in 2nd and you in 3rd (a computer Waluigi beating both of you).

You turned to him, leaning your head on the couch to face him. “Will you spend the night?” You asked. “I can’t really run away this time.” 

“You thought I was going to leave?” He asked, pulling you closer to him and wrapping his arm around your shoulders. 

“I was just making sure.” You smiled, leaning into his side.

You stayed that way for a while, just enjoying each other's company after the few days without it. You looked up at Spencer, admiring him. 

“What? There something on my face?” Spencer asked, noticing your gaze. 

“Yeah actually, let me get it for you,” You said, sitting up, brushing your thumb across the corner of his mouth before kissing him. 

“That was the corniest shit ever, you literally just babygirlified me.” He joked.

“I mean I can stop.” You shrugged, scooting away from him jokingly. 

“No you don’t” He replied quickly, grabbing your waist and pulling you back to him, catching your lips with his. You sighed into the kiss, feeling incredibly grateful you made up. You let out a squeal as he pinched your sides, hoisting you onto his lap and deepening the kiss. 

Unlike the first time, this kiss wasn’t so slow. It was full of passion, the pent up frustration from being apart manifesting itself through wandering hands and clashing teeth. 

Spencer broke the kiss for air, “Never leave me again.” He pleaded through heaving breaths. 

“Birds of a feather, right?” You mirrored his words from hours ago, making eye contact before connecting your lips again.

[innitmarvellous]

Part 2 of my ace contemplations - Part 1 can be found here - or more like: more whining, haha. Sorry.

First off something more general: I'm happy about the responses I got on the original post, but I think it's a bit sad that there isn't a hashtag or something for people who want and need the support of the aspec community here on Tumblr (without having to join a special forum or sth). Because it seems that while the community is quite active, it's mostly for sharing memes and snappy textposts and stuff, and less about more helpful things and discussions. I'm not saying the memes etc are wrong and shouldn't be a part of it too, but idk, I just wish there would be more of an actual community bond, if that makes sense? To help the people who aren't yet at the stage where they can view their identity as something great, people who are still struggling and are reliant on online communities for that kind of help.

Because for all the talk about the very active Tumblr aspec community...I personally haven't seen and benefitted much of it, apart from the memes etc. And I hope I'm not the only person who don't just want to agree with meme posts and would wish for more. Or am I just unfortunate? Looking in the wrong places? (In short, where are the nice supportive ace people of Tumblr? I'm desperate here...well, kind of.)

---

Something related to the books I mentioned in the original post:

these books are all written from such an US-centric, university-educated and creative business viewpoint. And that's just not my world at all, as an mostly unemployed European with crappy education.

Like, one time it was mentioned that aces always look out for each other and how great that is. And yeah, sure. It is. It would be great, but what about the people who aren't part of that lucky network or community? People who possibly haven't met another aspec person in real life? They are missing that kind of support, and maybe it would be the one thing that would make everything easier.

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Another thing: I found the probably supposed to be inspirational stories from other aces in the books rather disheartening. Yeah, fine, so person XY found their perfect partner by luck, despite whatever made them think it would never work out, yadda yadda. Good for them, but that's not gonna happen to me, right? I'm not gonna strike that jackpot and will find someone who accepts me as I am. Maybe I'm just a really, really spiteful person, but stories like that don't inspire me or show me what's possible for me personally in any way.

---

Well, yeah, I never encountered that. Like, truly never. That's one thing where I'm very ace: I don't get what's supposed to be sexy about a (mostly) naked body. I understand a appeal of a open top button and bit of chest being visible or something like that (lol that sounded so stupid), but the body being in full view? Nah man, put on your shirt again before you catch a cold, lol. (And it's not just guys actually, but people of all genders, if I'm honest.) I should probably add that I absolutely don't mind seeing anything like that, it just doesn't do anything for me.

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I guess my takeaway from all the reading I did isn't like for other people who don't feel wrong or broken anymore when they find out there are other aces out there. Even after knowing a lot about it I still feel like some crucial part of me is missing, and I could be more than what I am if that were possible. But then again, there isn't really a possibility for change, so I need to do my best to accept this. I just wish I had it easy one single time...why is basically everything about me so hard to accept? lol

Idk, but if I ever manage to convince myself that inevitably dying alone one day (and spending the time until then alone too) is a good thing, then I'm sure I'll be able to do anything. Now I only need to figure out how to convince myself and that's where it gets difficult, lol.

Being both aspec and too dumb/awkward to make friends is such a curse tbh 😓 And I can't even become a crazy cat lady because I'm bad with animals too, ugh...

---

In connection with the previous bit, I'm kinda envious of that way of thinking. Would make things much easier, I assume. And it's great if it worked for her, but I on the contrary would find it quite painful if I look back at my in a sense similar life.

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And to counter all the hopelessness a little bit - we're supposed to do that kind of thing, I guess - I tried my best to come up with some positive points, although I take them with a grain of salt myself.

- Well, it does give me an explanation for whatever is going on with me. (Although I only need that explanation for myself, since I seem to give off so much sad loser energy that no one ever bothered to ask me whether I want a boyfriend or kids. They just look at me and think "nah, that's obviously impossible for her". Which is oddly funny yet a little bit hurtful... ^^')

- I'm kind of glad that I never actually have to hug people or cuddle with them since I hate physical contact so much, lol. Doesn't matter if it's platonic or not. Remember when everyone missed being hugged during the pandemic? Couldn't be me :D

- I guess someone who is a rather bad person with way too many negative traits like me shouldn't be on the dating market anyway, so it's a plus that I'm no relationship material. Although that's more of a plus for others, not so much for me, lol. But it is a plus in the sense that everyone I would fall in love with would be unattainable for me anyway, so it's good not to be tempted in the first place.

- Idk, that's about it, I think? Maybe I forgot something, but I believe that's the gist of it. Kind of sad, but I tried, haha.

[desceros]

Hey, if this is too personal totally feel free to disregard this! But I've seen you mention having adhd more than once, and I know a super common symptom is executive dysfunction. The professionals I see aren't sure if I have adhd specifically, but they agree that I definitely have major executive dysfunction issues. Like... it feels like an actual, physical wall between me and the things I need to do, and even want to do. This wall feels... impossible to scale. I think that's just executive dysfunction in general, though, and isn't really unique to me. I just wanted to know if you have any tips that help you do the things you want to do or need to do even when it feels impossible? I've tried so many of the tips I see online, I've done quite a bit of research into the mental illnesses I do have and even the ones I likely have, and... I don't know. I still just feel stuck. Sorry if my thoughts are disorganized or hard to follow, I'm sorta really going through it right now. I'm fine, just... stressing myself out. Any tips you feel comfortable giving would be so, so appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to read this!

yes indeed, i am hashtag officially diagnosed with what i like to affectionately call my dumb bitch disease (not that anyone else is allowed to use that term for it.... well. maybe my very close friends. but yeah. gotta laugh at the awful things so you don't cry, right?)

so the thing with adhd (well. any kind of mental health issue) is that it's all a spectrum. every human person on this planet is somewhere on the euclidean axis of how many neurodivergencies they have. some people have no recognizable symptoms in any of the recognized areas we have. some people may have mild issues with things, and it's a bit fuzzy if they "have adhd or not." when you talk to a professional, there's a particular line of demarcation that happens when someone is looking to diagnose you with something.

do these symptoms interfere with your day to day life? are they severe enough to rise to the level of DISORDER?

it's completely possible for you to struggle with executive function and not have adhd. you may have something else, as executive function disorder is not exclusively in the domain of adhd, or it might just be that those particular neurons are cranky in your brain. what you're doing here—recognizing symptoms and looking for ways to address them—is really good, and basically what adhd therapy does, anyway.

all that being said, honk shoo honk shoo, let's get into a What The Fuck Are You Talking About for people who want more information on the subject, and some advice i have for you. i'll start generally, then talk a little bit about the writing thing specifically since it's a bit of a special beast for me.

what you are describing does indeed sound like issues with executive function to me.

first, for those new to the idea, executive function is the fancy term for the "executive" of your brain. the guy in a fancy suit who makes shit happen. when you walk by a dirty plate, you have the thought "oh i should put that in the dishwasher." executive function is the gap between the thought "oh i should x" and doing x.

a lot of the problems that neurodivergent people have, especially those with adhd, is that this function is impaired. some days, it's just fucking impossible to move that plate.

and it's not consistently, or predictably. some days, you will be perfectly able to do the thing. yesterday you put the plate in the dishwasher. today you put the plate in the dishwasher. tomorrow you will put the plate in the dishwasher. but tuesday comes, and you walk by the dirty plate, think "oh i should put that in the dishwasher," and then you stand there and stare at it without moving it. and you're like, c'mon. it's easy. you did it yesterday. all it takes is moving your hand. picking up the plate. walking into the kitchen. putting it inside the dishwasher. isn't that so easy? why can't you do it? why isn't your hand moving? are you lazy? are you stupid? this is infuriating! you literally just did this yesterday! you've done it a hundred times! what the fuck is wrong with you?! and then wednesday comes. now you have two dirty plates. now the task is twice as hard. maybe you can do it. maybe you can't. it's a harder task now. now you have three plates. now you're guilty because you have all these dirty plates, and it's a mountainous task now, and your roommate is giving you stink eyes for leaving dirty plates out, and you're a fucking adult who should be able to take care of some dirty plates, and you want to, you WANT to take care of the plates, but every time you THINK about them you flop into a cold sweat—

this is executive dysfunction. it's one of the more insidious side effects of adhd in my experience. that said, there are a lot of little tricks i've gotten from therapy specific to addressing this problem, so i'll give you a list here.

DO I HAVE TIME? this is best used for small, quick tasks like our plate example. you walk by the dirty plate and think "i should put this in the dishwasher." do you have time, right now, to do it? will it interfere with the thing you were doing? for example, if you're on the way out the door because your ride is honking, the answer is no. if you're on the way to get another glass of water while kicking back and watching some youtube, the answer is yes. if you have the time, do it now. now let's say you bring the plate into the kitchen and open the dishwasher. it's clean. you haven't emptied it yet. now the task has changed. but that's okay; do you have the time to empty the dishwasher right now? maybe you only get an hour a week to kick back and watch the youtube, and it's a special time that you need in order to recharge. the answer becomes no. well the plate is in the kitchen now instead of your room. victory.

COIN FLIP GAME. this one i actually got from the anti-planner by dani donovan, which i can Not recommend highly enough. there is a task you have to do, and you want to do it, but you're having a problem getting started. or maybe you have to do it but it feels icky, but you do really need to do it. the important thing for this trick is that it is not time sensitive; if you don't do it right now, it's okay. so you flip a coin. heads, you do it. tails, you get to wait until you have the thought that you need to do it again. if you get tails, then you are allowed, guilt-free, not to do the thing. if you get heads, sorry champ but you're doing the thing. gamifying it in this manner kind of... cheats your brain into approaching things differently, which can help you get around that brick wall.

TASK INITIATION. sometimes, it's not that the task itself is the problem; it's because you're having problem with what's called "task initiation." getting Started doing the thing is really fucking hard. if this is your issue, you can try and approach it a different way, usually by going "backwards" down the order of operations. so say for example, laundry. i have a lot of trouble with laundry. if i think to myself "i need to do my laundry," i have difficulty with the task initiation there. so what i do instead of "starting" at the shoving clothes into the washing machine part, i'll go into my room and make sure i've picked up all the dirty clothes and sorted them out. check my bathroom for towels and washcloths. sort them away. now i'm standing in front of my dirty laundry, and i'm "doing laundry," so it's easier to pick up one of the organizer bags and take it into the laundry room. i went backwards down the line and found a place in the task list where i could begin without the hassle, then i basically tricked myself into continuing past the point where i was having trouble.

BREAK UP THE TASK. this one is good if you feel like you're looking at a mountain and it's so overwhelming you just. don't do the thing. you'll hear it a lot: "just break it up into smaller tasks!" but. what the fuck does that actually mean? what does it look like? it's going to depend on You, but let's look at our plate example. so we just walked by the plate and we know we need to put it into the dishwasher. well. let me start by looking at the plate. can i do that? can i pick it up? let's say the answer is no. well, why? maybe i'm so stressed from work that this is just one too many things on my, haha, plate right now. okay. maybe don't worry about this right now, then. or maybe i'm having trouble because i know that the dishwasher is full of clean dishes, so it's not really as simple as "put the plate in the dishwasher." so, bring the plate into the kitchen. put it on the counter. maybe that's enough for now. or maybe i can open the dishwasher. look inside. it's full, and i don't really have the energy to unload it right now. ...or maybe i do, but i'm just looking at this huge thing that feels too big. maybe i can put away one plate. okay. that wasn't so bad. maybe i can put away all the plates. plates are easy. my trick is i take all the clean dishes OUT of the dishwasher and put them on my kitchen island without worrying about putting them away yet. then i load the dirty things into the dishwasher. well now i turn around and i have all the clean dishes pilled up nicely here. momentum really is everything. one task leads to two leads to five leads to done.

TASK BUNDLING. this is useful if you're trying to be more consistent about something and you already have something else you do consistently. for example, i have dogs. every night around six pm, i feed them supper. now, historically, i've had problems with remembering to eat/feeling like cooking when i wasn't hungry/being hungry but having trouble cooking. i don't need to tell you how unhealthy that is, hahaha. so what i did is i bundled my supper together with their supper. they will eat every night. they will Not forget to remind me that they want to eat. i make their supper every day. so i make their supper, feed it to them, and bam! i'm in the kitchen. preparing food already. so it's really easy for me to keep going and prepare My food. let's say you want to drink more water. every time you open tumblr, bundle together the task of checking to make sure you have a glass of water with you, and take a sip. let's say you want to take a vitamin. keep the bottle by your toothbrush. and get weird with it! don't let social norms hold you back. i have a toothbrush in my shower. i have medicine on the bookshelf next to where i play video games. these aren't the "usual" places for things, but they Work for ME. find the places that work for you, and bundle things together. you'll be a lot more likely to do them if they're tied to something else.

BODY DOUBLING. this one is HUGE. i've actually infected my neurotypical friends in discord with this one, it's so powerful, hehehe. basically, you externalize the executive function. there are a couple of ways to do this. if you want to do something, ask someone to be in the room with you. they don't have to be doing the same thing, or anything, really. but having another Person there (another BODY, if you will) will make it so you can do the thing. you can also do this over discord. for example, my friends and i will open up a voice chat, and we'll be doing things. i'll be writing, khaya will be drawing, yorsh will be writing or drawing, keisha will be writing or drawing... and because we're all there together, we're super productive! it smashes through that brick wall a bit. there is a whole genre of youtube videos i LOVE that target this thing. find "study with me" type videos where you have someone doing homework or something, maybe they have rain, or lofi music, or just the ambient noises of a coffee shop; whatever you find most helpful. i actually body double with a little fox timer i have on my desk. i turn him on for an hour, and since he's "working," it's really easy for me to be like "ok i gotta work too." silly? yes. does it work? yes!

BULLET JOURNAL/APPS. i don't mean the pinterest pretty things where you end up spending way too much time on making a pretty spread. i mean the actual basic bullet journal that the original creator developed because he has adhd and needed something to keep his shit straight. i did this for a while, and i found it somewhat useful? eventually i found more success with the app TickTick, which is so good for me keeping my tasks straight and accounted for, i pay for the premium bc fuck yeah. if you're the kind of person motivated by streaks (think, like, doing something because you don't want to break a streak. i am very much this person.) then i've gotten a lot of good mileage out of the Today app. i don't use it much anymore, but it's very good if that's a motivating thing for you.

WEAPONIZE ANNOYANCE. i do this one a lot. i have certain things that annoy me a lot. like, being wasteful with water really annoys me. so that means i don't like to wash laundry more than once. which means, if i put something in the washing machine, i WILL move it into the dryer. so if i can put my laundry into the washing machine and get it started, i have defeated the demon of moving it into the dryer by weaponizing my own irritation against myself. same thing with gritty bathroom floors. my cat's litterbox is in my bathroom. i Really hate stepping out of the shower and feeling litter under my feet. so i'm pretty meticulous about keeping the bathroom floor clean, even though sometimes i have a moment of executive dysfunction about vacuuming every day, because whenever i hit that brick wall i think. ok. well. we can look at this brick wall that's here. now think about the sensation of stepping out onto cat litter out of the shower. aofjalsfjadlskfjslakfjsalkfj. and that's enough for me to reach for the vacuum. so you can use your preferences against your weaknesses, especially if they're things that you're Very particular about.

RECONTEXTUALIZE. my therapist will sometimes stop me and say "you are should-ing all over yourself." and this is when i'm saying things like "i should x" or "i should y." i should be able to put away this plate in the dishwasher. i did it yesterday! i should be able to do it today! the moment you catch yourself thinking these things, stop. think about it differently. instead of "i should be able to put this plate away," think "i want to be able to put this plate away." now you can say. well. why do i want to put the plate away? because it's dirty, and dirty dishes will attract bugs. i don't want bugs. i want my room to be clean and smell nice. i want to enjoy being in here. now, instead of a chore that needs to be done, you can think about it as a positive thing you're doing. sometimes this is enough to get around that wall.

now. you've asked me about writing specifically, which is. kind of a special beast for me. you said it seems like i have a compulsion to do it—and it really does kind of feel that way. if i go too long without writing, i feel uncomfortable. antsy. like i'm not doing what i need to be doing in order to be Me. as such, it's usually not that difficult for me to convince myself to write. if i start seeing a brick wall about it, i can go "...but... think about the COOL SHIT that's about to happen in symphony!!" and i'll go "OH YEAH" and break right the fuck through that brick wall kool-aid style.

that said. i do experience executive dysfunction with my writing. there are days when i want to write, i have the scene in my head, i have the time, i'm in my special writing place, and i sit down and—and i can't do it. i can't write. i keep clicking into tumblr. i close tumblr on my computer then pick up my phone. i watch youtube videos. it's like no matter what i do, i can Not focus on writing. even though i am screaming and rattling at the cages because i want to!!! i want to write!!! i want to do nothing MORE than write!!!!

often, one of the tricks above will work for me since i've learned how to use them over the years, and i have practice tricking myself. i find particular success with the body doubling in particular for writing. but some days, it just. Doesn't Happen. and here is the ultimate truth that i will bestow upon you:

it's okay if you don't do the thing.

so you don't pick up that plate today, and tomorrow you have two. so you don't do your laundry, so you have to do it tomorrow. so you miss a meal. you go a day without writing. it's okay. as long as you're safe and healthy, it's okay. tomorrow is another day for you to try and do the thing.

stressing out about how much you want to do the thing is counterproductive. you're just going to make yourself ill doing that, and then you'll be less capable of doing things. just... chill. relax. breathe. do what you can. try the tips i gave, look for some more and see if those work, and if they don't... all right. it just isn't meant to happen today. no big deal. do something else today. maybe you don't pick up that plate... but you do fold that laundry that was giving you a brick wall a few days ago. maybe you don't write that fic today... but you do read that book you've been putting off, and now you have a new favorite author you want to pick apart and study. life is short, and precious. don't should on yourself.

[paleblueramune]

Hello friend. Where did you get your information regarding Tenshi Kaiwai not being a fashion trend and Tenshi Zyoshi being a magazine?

Hello! I'm so sorry for taking so long. This was actually a lot more complicated to answer than I thought, so I had to take a couple of days to research. So I apologize, this is really long, but I do appreciate it if everyone could read this.

So, the first question, information regarding Tenshi Kaiwai not being a fashion trend. I thought this would be as simple as finding the oldest post using #天使界隈, because the romanji was not used at all until Febuary of this year. Turns out things were a bit more complicated.

After my phone crashing, my computer not loading, and borrowing my friends PC, we were finally able to scroll all the way to the bottom of the Instagram tag, we found that it possibly did not originate with Tenshi Zyoshi.

Tenshi Zyoshi started posting in April of last year, when they started using the tag as well. However according to Instagram, ililil was the first to use the tag

It shows here that they posted under Tenshi Kaiwai in 2021. This lines up with Cybr.Grls video but also simultaneously does not. In her Tenshi Kaiwai video, Nuta, her guest star, says that her and ililil came up with the term with their first collaboration. But these posts are not part of that collab, nor follow any of the themes of Tenshi Kaiwai or Mizurio. Nutas collab doesn't happen until February of 2022, and at that, there's no sign of 天使界隈 anywhere except for the tags.

This combined with the fact collections being tagged earlier than what infomation was presented, it's possible ililil went and edited the tags later, which you can do.

Also, We aren't actually sure how old Tenshi Zyoshis account is. Even though their earlist post is from April 2022, it's shown to have been made in March, but there's evidence that it existed as far back as 2020.

I was told that if you change your account to a business account, it will change your account creation date, which might have happened. And it's mostly likely they have deleted photos earlier than April.

So in conclusion... I have no conclusive evidence. Which I am very sorry for. If it originated with Tenshi Zyoshi, and they do have deleted posts older than ililils, then it's most likely a community tag used for purposes of finding people who also like Mizurio and potentially get featured in thier blog.

If it does originate with ililil, and they didn't change their tags and were just experimenting with the term, then it seems to be more of a fashion trend. It still feels more like and aesthetic rather than a trend, with how broad the fashion could potentially be.

So I genuinely do apologize. I assumed too much when I didn't have the evidence to back it up, especially with how muddy it seems right now. With the nature of the internet and things getting deleted or edited, I can't really say with confidence either or based on evidence, just what I've heard people talk about.

I still lean more towards Tenshi Kaiwai being simply a hashtag and not a just fashion, and Mizurio being an aesthetic that encompasses these fashions. But that would be several more paragraphs to talk about. And you're free to disagree, I understand the skepticism.

The magazine question is a lot more simple, however I might have unintentionally misled people. Tenshi Zyoshi is not an actual magazine you could subscribe to or purchase, it's an online blog dedicated to a aesthetic/subculture/fashion, and acts like a magazine. There are many others, including Girly.Zyoshi, where they take submissions via a hashtag or @ing the account. Another word would be instazine. They are similar to a magazine because they promote products and others' content.

That's what I have for now, and thank you to everyone that has read this far! I hope that I can continue to research and provide more infomation, and continue to grow along with this account♡

(Also big shout out to everyone who has helped me look into this, I would be crying at my computer if I hadn't had help ♡♡♡)

[adultbabystories]

The weekend

For the first time, you allowed yourself not only to meet your online daddy, but you agreed to have a full adult baby weekend with him. You and daddy were chatting for some time now and chatted almost every day. You shared with him your deepest fantasies, as he did with you. He was a few years older than you, but it felt like he was much much older, or at least, more authoritarian than you. You and him not only did online role play but in a sense, you felt like he was in charge of you during the online conversations.

Daddy had a special room for big boys like you. He had an ABDL relationship in the past, but it didn’t last, and that room was left empty without a boy to play there. You always fantasized about being in that room with daddy. He shared pictures with you, and in your mind you saw yourself there, playing, being cared for. When daddy suggested you should come for a weekend, you said yes in a heartbeat. You were surprised by your thoughtless reaction, but a yes is a yes.

Daddy wanted to meet in a coffee place before you went to his house. After some small talks, he got to the point;

“Are you serious about it?” “I am” “Are you?” “Yes daddy” “Things will change in you. Things you wouldn’t expect. Things you may not like.” “Like what?” “Do you have any doubts?” “No daddy, I’m just asking” “Do you want to be a good boy?” “Yes daddy” “Are you going to be a good boy?” “Yes daddy” “Good boy, now let’s go home”

Daddy paid the bill and you two left.

The weekend had passed so quickly. It was Sunday evening. Tomorrow you will leave this wonderful and colorful place. You sat on the nursery floor, on a blanket, diapered, wearing a onesie. In a few days, you found the pleasure of acting childish, finding comfort in such childish things as playing with toys. You’ll miss it. In your little heart, you hope your daddy liked spending time with you as you did spending time with him. The affection gave you here. The nursery was amazing, but his attention was ten times better than that. His warm hands changing you. His firm grip hugging you. The heat he projects while cuddling you. You hoped it will happen again soon.

You heard the doorbell. Daddy opened it, talked for a minute with whoever was in there, then he closed the door. He walked into the nursery with a giant cardboard box and lowered it to the floor next to you.

“What is it daddy?” “We needed more diapers, so I ordered a bunch with a quick delivery.” “But daddy I’m leaving tomorrow.” “Oh, you are not ready yet boy.”

You were baffled. What does he mean? You had working meetings the next day. People were expecting to see you tomorrow.

“You know what baby? if you could answer me the truth, we could figure it out if you are ready or not, okay?”

You nodded yes, confused.

“When did I change you into a fresh clean diaper?” “After my bath” “When was it?” “Twenty minutes ago, I think” “Is your diaper dry or not?”

The question surprised you. You tried to remember if you let go these twenty minutes, but after the first day with daddy you just let it happen without thinking about it. You couldn’t tell from the feeling of the diaper. Daddy had the thickest kind you ever saw, and if you did wet, it got absorbed. Did you wet yourself and didn’t notice? Can you be sure if you didn’t?

“Well baby, are you a big boy that can tell me if he’s dry?” “I’m sorry daddy, I really don’t know.”

Daddy searched for something on the blanket and then he picked up your blue pacifier. He slipped it slowly between your lips until you took it and started sucking on it, embarrassed.

“Do we need to check your diaper, or did I make my point of you being a baby that doesn’t know if he used his diaper or not?”

Daddy pressed the pacifier guard to your lips in a silencing intent. He got up while you sat there, quietly. Daddy was right at the coffee shop. Something did change in you. Are you a man? Or a baby?

------------------------------------------------------------------ I’m starting a new category with a new hashtag. #One Page ABS One-page stories. A short text that describes little ABDL scenarios.

[storiesforallfandoms]

permanently ~ corpse husband

word count: 1456

request?: yes!

“Corpse husband x female reader. The reader is corpse wife but they keep there really private only a few people know that corpse is married, one day people start asking corpse if he is seeing someone and corpse doesn’t know if he wants to reveal he’s married because he worried she will get hate so he talks to the reader about it and his worries and the reader comforts him about his worries. Later corpse reveals in a video that hes married and everyone really happy and supportive of his marriage.”

description: in which he reveals a surprising secret to his fans after months of questions about his love life

pairing: corpse x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist (one, two)

It started when his fans heard her speak during a stream.

Corpse had been careful to keep his love life a secret for so long. He loved his fans, but he knew that if he even gave the slightest indication that he was seeing someone, the more extreme of his fanbase would go looking for her. He didn’t want any hate messages sent her way, she didn’t deserve any of that.

They had been so careful. (Y/N) would stay away from Corpse’s streaming room while he was streaming, or she’d sit next to him and make zero noise. Luckily, (Y/N) wasn’t famous, so they were able to share pictures and videos on her private social media accounts.

She had slightly pushed open the door to his streaming room one night, trying her best to make as little noise as possible in case his mic was on. Corpse noticed her from the corner of his eyes and turned to look at her.

“Mic off?” she whispered. Corpse chuckled and nodded. “I sent you a text but you didn’t respond. I’m gonna go get something to eat, do you want anything picked up?”

“I’m good for now, thank you.”

(Y/N) smiled and crossed the room to give him a kiss before leaving again.

For the half hour she was gone, (Y/N) lived in ignorant bliss, unaware of the chaos happening online.

When she got home, she found her husband pacing the kitchen. Concern was written all over his face, and it deepened when (Y/N) walked through the front door.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“The mic wasn’t off,” he said.

(Y/N) knew what he meant immediately, but she still couldn’t help but ask, “What?”

“When you came in during my stream, I thought I had shut my mic off, but I didn’t. My viewers heard us talking, and they heard us kiss. The chat went wild and it’s trending on Twitter already; #corpsesmysterywoman.”

(Y/N) grabbed her phone and went into Twitter. It was the top trend and it was flooded with tweets that ran from shocked to supportive and happy to, of course, hateful.

“On the plus side,” she started, “they’ll never be able to identify me just by my voice.”

“Doesn’t mean they won’t try.”

(Y/N) sighed as she watched Corpse start to bite his fingers, something he did whenever his anxiety ran high. She felt bad for him. He shouldn’t have to worry about his fans having a negative reaction about their marriage, and he definitely shouldn’t feel like he was to blame if his fans found her, which she knew he would.

(Y/N) touched Corpse’s shoulder, causing him to stop and look up at her. She took his hands in hers, wiping away the blood he had drawn.

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “We’ll get through this. Besides, I’m a big girl. I can handle this if anything happens.”

Corpse nodded. “I know, I just didn’t want you to be brought into this.”

“It was bound to happen eventually. Could’ve been worse.”

Corpse wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. She hugged him back, dreading the next time he’d have to go online.

~~~~~~

A week passed and the buzz around Corpse’s “mystery woman” did not die down. The hashtag trended for two days, and his fans were still speculating on Twitter. Corpse took some time off social media in hopes it would all blow over, but it became evident very soon that it would not. Everyone was still tweeting him about it, and it even began to escalate to people would ask Corpse’s friends during their streams.

Enough was enough, and Corpse decided it was time to address the issue.

He announced he would be doing a Q&A stream on his Twitter. Within seconds, the stream was trending.

(Y/N) sat on the floor next to Corpse’s chair as he set his stream up. She could see he was shaking with anxiety over the situation. She put a hand on his leg, bringing his attention to her.

“It’ll be okay,” she assured him. “I promise.”

Corpse gave her the best smile he could muster. He laced his fingers through hers, trying to calm himself down. Before he could back out of it, he started the stream.

The chat flooded with questions immediately, most of which were asking about her. Corpse was able to avoid these questions for as long as he could, until someone donated a super chat question specifically asking about Corpse’s relationship status.

“Are you taken?” he read. “Well, I guess I can’t get around it now. The answer is yes, I am taken, and I am taken permanently.”

The chat went wild at this. Corpse’s hands began to shake again and (Y/N) squeezed the one she was holding, trying to look up at him sympathetically. His attention was focused on the screen in front of him, trying to get the words out the best he could.

“The truth is, I was seeing someone for a long time. She isn’t a content creator or famous in any way, so I wanted to keep our relationship to ourselves. We’ve made it public with her friends and family, but as far as my YouTube life goes, I wanted to keep it a secret. At first it was because I didn’t want to announce the relationship and have it go south and we break up, but the longer we kept it a secret the more I knew I wanted it that way because it was just another aspect of my life I thought would be better to keep to myself. I didn’t want to bring her into a spotlight that she didn’t want, and honestly, I didn’t want any of my fans to know who she was.

“And marriage...well, it wasn’t something I ever expected to happen to me. We weren’t even dating all that long when we both got drunk one night and I just...I asked her. We both laughed it off at the time, but the next morning when we sobered up I realized I still wanted to marry her. So I asked her again, promised her I’d get her a ring when I could, and she said yes. Flash forward about a year and...I’m a married man.”

(Y/N) leaned her head against Corpse’s leg and smiled up at him. Through his nervousness and anxiety, she could see him reminiscing on the history of their relationship, the way she liked to do sometimes. Especially on the hilarious story of their engagement.

“I won’t be giving any more details besides that,” he said. “I will not stream with her if she does not feel comfortable, I will not be publicly stating her real name, I certainly won’t be posting her face on any of my social media. Especially without her permission as she has already said she doesn’t really want a life in the public eye. I am sorry I kept this from you all for so long, but I hope you can understand my reasoning, and I hope you will all treat my wife with respect. That’s all I really want.”

He continued with the Q&A. After enough time had passed for that information to sink in, you decided to check Twitter to see what the reaction had been. The top trend, within a matter of minutes, was #wearehappyforcorpse. The hashtag was flooded with kind messages congratulating Corpse on getting married and on finding the one. A few people were sharing Corpse’s wishes and warning the extreme fans not to go looking for whoever Corpse’s wife was until one of them made her identity public. There was very little negativity and, although (Y/N) had told Corpse this would likely be the case, she was relieved to know that it actually was.

When the stream ended, (Y/N) could almost physically see the weight that had been lifted off Corpse’s shoulders. She stood from the floor to sit on his lap. He took her in his arms and buried his head in her shoulder, letting out a long sigh of relief.

“That went well,” she said. “Almost like I said it would.”

“Don’t say I told you so,” Corpse said, lifting his head to smile at her. “Although, I also knew it would go fine.”

“Even if it went different, we would’ve dealt with it together. That’s what married couples do.”

Corpse leaned forward and kissed her gently. (Y/N) smiled as she broke away and kissed the tip of his nose.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he said.

“You are.”

Corpse chuckled and playfully squeezed her as he kissed over her neck and face.

[randomshyperson]

hi! hope you're alright! love your writing!! ~

can you do a fluffy sexy one where R and wanda are really close friends (not those secret crushs kind of friend - neither has realized that they are too close to be just friends) until one-day the avengers find out about fanfics and shipps and loose their mind over it cause they are all grown up and didn't know this was a thing, they are all reunited at the living room looking online what are the shipps and, let's say Tony is the one looking while they are all gathered listening, he says like "oh apparently everybody thinks Wanda and R are a couple" and someone -thor, bucky or Sam of course- gets surprise like "they are not dating???" (Wanda is even sitting on R lap and playing with her hair!!) the girls deny and the turns out all team thought they were together, later they are reading some fic about them cause they're curious and its a smut, R gets shy and wanda gets a little turn on about it and says "you know if I was to date anyone here it would be you" so R realizes the same and they eventually get together

I think it has way too much details, sorry

Hello anon! Hope you’re well. This took me long enough i know, but i hope you like it. It’s really short, but it’s all you asked. 

Wanda Maximoff x Reader - The fandom knows best

Summary: Prompt based “Reader and Wanda are best friends who are one of the popular ships from the Avengers, but they have no clue. It takes one fan fiction for things to work out.”

Warnings: Fluff, humor, brief hint of smut (it’s nothing really), (brief) kissing.

Words:  1.400 k (Drabble i think)  // Read on AO3

Marks:   @mionemymind @abimess

Wanda Maximoff is your favorite person in the world.

You are colleagues on the Avengers team, and clicked together the very moment you first saw each other.

Everyone on the team knows that you are inseparable and if someone is looking for you and can't find you anywhere, it's because you are sleeping in Wanda's room.

You never really thought about what this implied, so during the Halloween party that Tony planned, you were very surprised when this subject came up.

The avengers were gathered around the table, a few hours had passed since the party had ended, and Tony was beginning to feel bored. So he grabbed the tablet on the table and announced it to everyone:

- I made a very interesting discovery this weekend! - he says with a mischievous smile. - Tell me Avengers, have you had a look at the work of our dear fans?

The team let out a chorus of apprehension. Tony laughed.

- God I'm surrounded by old people. - He comments as he activates the hologram playback function on the tablet on the table. - I found some interesting content about the Avengers. Say, folks, have you ever heard of fanfiction?

The group let out a chorus of excitement, and Tony giggled.

- I should have known you would eventually make us watch porn. - Natasha laughed, making everyone laugh. And then Tony was running through some files, mostly innocent artwork, of the team on adventures or facing supervillains, and you all looked excited. Then Tony let out a little laugh.

- Whoa, I found something interesting. - he says with a mischievous smile. - It has the hashtag "NSFW”.

- What does this mean? - Steve asked curiously.

- You're going to love it, Cap. - Tony retorted, and then there is a not-so-innocent artwork of Steve in the hologram. The shield being the only item he is wearing.

The team lets out a mixed exclamation of surprise and laughter, and Steve turns bright red.

For the next few minutes you laugh and are embarrassed by various more adult art that people have done, and then Tony lets out a wry chuckle.

- Look, this is interesting. - He starts.  - The best couples from the Avengers.

- This is going to be good. - Nat mocked, crossing her legs and taking a sip of her beer. 

- I am surprised that Potts and I don't come first, it is disappointing to know that people don't recognize a love as amazing as ours. - Declares Tony and everyone laughs lightly. He moves his fingers again, reading something on the screen. - Check it out, Romanoff. Your affair with Banner is in fourth place.

Nat laughs, and Bruce gets a little embarrassed, but he doesn't say anything. Tony continues.

- That is funny. - Tony says with a chuckle. - Apparently all the fans think that Wanda and Y/N are a couple. They are the most popular.

You let out a short laugh, surprised at the insinuation. Wanda follows you, settling better on your lap as she laughs.

- Wait, Tony, what do you mean they think? - Bucky asked with a confused expression. - Aren't you two dating?

You and Wanda frown confusedly in his direction, and you notice that Thor has the same confused expression as Bucky. And then you look around and everyone, except Tony, has the same look on their faces.

- Who else thought we were dating? - Wanda asks and the whole team choruses in agreement. Tony says "I thought you were playing along".

You and Wanda laugh awkwardly.

- Where did you get that from? - you ask in surprise. Then the team shares a wry laugh and you frown.

- Really Y/N? - Bucky replies. - Wanda is literally on your lap! And you've been playing with her hair all night!

You and Wanda shake your heads in denial, laughing lightly.

When you return to your room however, you are thinking about it.

- Hey, stop overthinking it. - Wanda jokes as you walk together down the hall toward your room, and you laugh weakly.

- Stop reading my mind. - You retort without any hint of aggressiveness. You loved to provoke Wanda, and you had no problem if she used her powers on you.

When you arrived at your room, Wanda threw herself on your bed, and you went to find something comfortable to wear.

- Lie down here, I got curious. - She says as you are putting on your pajama pants. When you are finished, you lie down next to her on the bed, stomach down on the mattress, mimicking her position. Wanda is on her cell phone, and holds it out a little to the side so that you can see it. She starts typing something next, and you laugh lightly.

- Why are you researching this? - you ask as you read "fanfic Wanda Maximoff and Y/N".

She shrugs, smiling.

- I want to know what people think we do. 

- Wanda. 

- Shh, look at that. - She says, holding her cell phone up to her face. She laughs lightly, and then pulls it away showing you a text. 

- "Wanda and Y/N have always been in love with each other." - You start reading and Wanda lets out a giggle. - Wow, that is a surprise.

- "In the Avengers tower, they have always gotten along much better than any other member of the team." - Wanda continues reading and you make a noise of agreement with your mouth. 

- Technically, I get along with everyone. - You comment and Wanda laughs, pushing her shoulders against you lightly.

- "However, the nature of their relationship changed during a particularly physical training session." - Wanda continues reading and you raise an eyebrow. - That sounds promising. - You laugh half-heartedly, but Wanda continues reading. - "The redhead had been assigned to train with her friend, and during that training she realized the undeniable attraction she felt for the other girl”.

- Oh my god. - You mumbled in embarrassment, trying to snatch the cell phone from Wanda's hands, but she just laughed, moving away. When you insisted, she stood up, laughing lightly as she continued reading.

- "When Y/N made a move that knocked Wanda to the ground, the witch couldn't help but kiss her passionately."- She read aloud and you let out a grumble, getting up. - "Their tongues fought together as Wanda let her hands go up the inside of her shirt to her breasts, making Y/N moan"

Wanda's reading died in a laugh as you tickled her to reach for the cell phone. She threw her body at you next, but you didn't return the device, laughing lightly.

- Stop it, this is embarrassing. - You say with flushed cheeks, dodging the girl's hands as you get back into bed. Wanda grumbles, but follows you.

You sit side by side, and you only hand the phone back to her when you close the page.

- You know what? - She says after a moment, her cheeks slightly pink. You look at her curiously. - If I were going to date anyone here, it would be you.

You blink in surprise, feeling your heart race at the phrase, and look away from Wanda quickly. 

It takes a moment, but you finally speak.

- Yeah, I... I would date you too. - You confess, looking forward. To try to relieve the tension, you quickly add. - Maybe Bucky or Nat too, but my first choice would be you.

Wanda laughs, turning to you and ruffling your hair. Your natural instinct is to grab her by the wrists, and throw her on the bed. You laugh for a few seconds, but something has changed. The closeness of your faces makes your breath catch.

- Wanda... I...

- Are you trying to figure out the ending to that fic? - She teases breathlessly, and you laugh, letting go of her wrists. But Wanda uses her freedom to pull your face against her, kissing you softly, and making you sigh in surprise.

- Wow. - You say as you walk away, feeling your lips tingling.

- I know. - she whispers. - Why did it take us so long to do this?

You smiled, kissing her again, properly this time.

When you two parted again, completely out of breath, and with your clothes crumpled, you threw yourself next to Wanda on the bed, laughing lightly.

- I can't believe that the fans knew that you were in love with me before I did! - Wanda then announced.

- And you call yourself a telepath.

You scoffed next, and she laughed as she slapped you on the shoulder. It didn't take long before you were laughing together.

[seokmingiggles]

to you.

on december 15, 2020, at 1:15 am, i posted my first fic. and as corny as it sounds, i never anticipated for my writing blog to take off. although it’s now privated, the fic i posted that night was not only the first story i’ve ever finished plot-wise but also the beginning to earn me my first likes, comments, reblogs, requests, followers, network applications and acceptances, friends made, tears shed with said friends, late nights video chatting with said friends, talking to these said friends on a daily basis. i couldn’t have imagined any of that. and yet, here i am, one year later.

forgive me in advance, for despite being a rather emotional water sign, i don’t like sharing the deeper, more personal feelings of mine (god, it’s probably all the damn aquarius in my natal chart). i’m the type of person who can’t say “i love you” aloud (which is probably really fucking ironic because i write so much about relationships and love on here and have a big-ass crush on lee seokmi—). but i try to say it through my actions, or perhaps in phrases alike in meaning.

for the past year, i’ve received so much love, and i’ll forever have gratitude for this period in my life, as fleeting as it may be. some of my mutuals know (i’m sorry, samanter) that i’ve joked around about quitting being a writer on tumblr. but as busy as i can get as a student, as inactive as i can sporadically be without warning—i think i like it here too much.

of course, i couldn’t have made that decision if i were alone. for the past year, i’ve unselfishly focussed on myself. i've focussed on creating content to put out into the world as small as my corner of the internet may be; i’ve focussed on prioritizing my schooling, which is honestly kind of hard not to focus on. i've focussed on mental wellbeing, on writing when feeling inspired, on not writing when i don’t feel up for the challenge. i’ve focussed on the accomplishments, both big and small, on my feelings, on the way i want to be perceived online. and now, i'm focussing on you.

this one's to all the people who i’ve grown to care about since i started this blog one year ago.

this one’s to you.

to you, who i see the most on tumblr.

@aunty-tiger-potato​ mary, i know i’m the worst at holding a conversation, but you keep coming back into my asks, and it never fails to make me smile when i see you in my inbox. i feel like you can somehow predict the exact moments when i’m too deeply submerged beneath my assignments, and you help to pull me back to the surface for a breath of fresh air. you remind me of a flower. perhaps a carnation. maybe it’s because you’re a poet and have such an elegant way with words—it could also be because your pfp on your main blog is a flower—but you have tranquillity accompanying your presence online.

@lovingyu04​​ aza!! i haven’t seen you around much lately, but i hope this message finds you well. i’ll say it over and over again until you’re tired of hearing it—but your writing is something truly magical and comforting and just plain genius. i truly hope that you know your talent because it was as clear as day to me right from the first fic i read of yours.

@lunatens​ omg i was so intimidated by you and your blog at first, luna !! that sounds so silly now as i look back because as soon as we became mutuals, it was in that same instant i realized what a kind person you are. literally, every interaction with you has made me smile. from countless tag games that i’m so slow at reciprocating to reblogging each other’s fics—i cherish it all. thank you for your warmth.

@adi--writes​​ honestly, adi, i can’t remember exactly how we became mutuals. i want to say it started through fic reblog hashtags?? but frankly, none of that matters anymore when i see our friendship as nothing but supportive of each other. it still blows my mind that one of my favourite writers interacts with me, LOL. i’ll never forget your kindness in the form of sending me asks, comments, likes, reblogs, and writing two whole-ass fics for me. and now it seems like we’re attacking each other in the form of gifs?? y’know. sure, i’ll accept that challenge. ilysm.

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　•　°

to you, my family in cwc.

@wonwooslibrary​ sham-wow-manter! :D you’re quite possibly one of the first self-admitted supporters of my writing, even before we got to know each other in cwc. but you’re also one of the first people i became close with back in january :< i know i tease and joke around with you a lot, but i hope you know none of it should be taken to heart. frankly, i care about you a lot and want nothing more than for you to follow your higher-education dreams in the near future. you have so much ahead of you to come, and i can’t wait to hear all about it <3

@ahloveisboo​ we were in the same cwc acceptance batch back at the start of the year, jo, and that probably helped to spark our interactions with each other. for some reason, that one time you slid into my dms with a photo of someone’s (clothed, for the sake of context if anyone else happens to be reading this) butt and asked me to identify it... which happened to be seokmin. i don’t know why that’s what i associate our friendship as, LOL. but beyond that, it’s been a pleasure to see your progression with discovering new kpop groups and figuring out your biases in each of them. yoongi and seungkwan and kevin and jacob all love you !!!

@woozisfilms​ lissa, the talented lil nugget ;-; please, never stop creating; never stop making art. god, if i had even an ounce of the talent you have for drawing (and writing, for that matter), i’d forever be content. but here you are, doing it all, and you’re so young still! you never fail to amaze me. seriously. i can’t wait to see what you’ll accomplish in your future.

@gallivantingheart​ taylor!! i can never predict when you’ll pop up in cwc, but each time makes me smile. you’re probably meena’s #1 supporter, frankly, and both she and i adore you for that. if we didn’t live so damn far away, our cats (and us for that matter, LOL) could meet up :< your sense of humour and overall vernacular (maybe it’s an australian thing?) are effortlessly funny as hell. please, never change.

@merakiiverse​ for a lack of better words, you’re one of the most gentle souls i’ve encountered this year, meraki. there’s an associated sincerity that follows you? yeah. i’m having a hard time putting this into words (not to mention it’s currently 3:30 in the morning when i’m typing this) >< it’s like the feeling that accompanies fresh laundry. maybe in a field of tulips in the springtime, too. that’s you. that’s you, meraki. i hope you’re doing well.

@minghaofilm​ fel, the day you decided to be more active in the cwc discord was nothing short of a fantastic choice. you have such an amazing sense of humour, and it would be distasteful if i didn’t say something about your writing abilities. fun fact—i reread twisted fate the other day after i rewatched endgame for the first time since i saw it on its opening weekend. i was in a really dark place around the time of that movie’s release, but reading that fic of yours somehow grounds me and reminds me that with time, changes happen. i’ve missed your presence in the server recently and only hope for the best for you. chan lobes you :D

@heartshxkr​ one of the first things i remember interacting with you, ves, had to do with mermaids. but not even a month later, you, me, and sam hung out in vc for like . 10 hours or something?? god, i don’t even remember, but it was a long-ass time, although passing by so quickly because we got along so fast. from there, ah, my prop prompt... i don’t think i need to elaborate there :) our interactions are probably some of the most chaotic messes, but i couldn’t care less. i think you're wonderful.

@bermudas​ eun! thank you for introducing me to (and revealing that i have a crying soulmate bc apparently that’s a thing now??) fork mf. i wish i was kidding, LOL. no, but beyond that, this will probably sound kinda weird, but i can almost see you as a younger sibling?? maybe because you’re the same age as my stepbrother, or maybe because i feel like . i can just tease you in a sort of way?? oml that sounds awful, but i swear it’s not in evil intent. i only can joke around with people like that once i feel comfortable around them, and not only is that prevalent around you but also within the network you’ve created. thank you for all that you’ve done to make such a pleasant and safe space for a wide variety of people. (p.s. i think you and your boyf are cute af and you’ll never hear me say that again, so bls cherish it here <3)

@woozisnoots​ alex, you were the first person to contact me within a week or two after i created this blog. you’re also the one to introduce me to cwc in the first place. it’s tough to say if i were to find the network on my own without your guidance, but looking back, my tumblr experience (and overall year) would be drastically different had i not followed your lead. it’s easy to think “it’s not that deep” when only considering that cwc is a network for writers, but it is that deep when considering you were the catalyst for me meeting so many people who’d become prominent figures during a time where, hell, it’s so damn lonely in person because of the pandemic. i appreciate you a lot, alex. thank you for all that you’ve done.

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　•　°

to you, my lanseokers.

@cheolbooluvr​ hi chris,, i don’t know why this is a separate category from my cwc family, but here you go. i’m drawing attention to lanseok. you’re welcome. we only more recently began to interact more when you joined cwc, but i feel like we made a connection with our lscccp and photocard collecting :< i’ll never get over what a fantastic writer and artist you are. i perceive you as that type of person who’s good at literally anything and everything, and honestly, it sometimes intimidates the hell out of me, LOL. but alongside your talents comes a joyous person who i just know cheol would adore, too. thank you for supporting the lanseok agenda even when i try to deny it as much as i can. i think you know it makes me smile.

@februaryflowers​ hi hi, mei :3 firstly, i lobe you. and so does wonu. and i’d also normally say so does jihoon, but i’m learning to accept meihoon’s break-up :EUWAH:. as you said in your recent milestone post (THAT ISTG I FORGOT IS ALSO TITLED TO YOU fUK), we’ve only recently become closer. but it felt natural?? i don’t know. you’re so easy and fun to chat with, not to mention one of the sweetest, most caring, hardworking, talented, and funny individuals i know (and you’ve also given me so many seok polas and sheepo, for heck’s sake). for some reason, writing this message to you is one of the hardest on this list despite chatting with you nearly every day lately. i feel like i’m indebted to you because of how selfless you are. but beyond that, i’m glad to have found the vernon to my hao ^^ i’m probably going to sound like a grandparent now when i say that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. i’m so proud of you and hope that you’re proud of yourself too.

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　•　°

to you, who i don’t talk with as much but still cherish, nonetheless.

@hoshblr @networkluvs​ @sincerelyskye @starlightjoong @kthpurplesyou @escapewriter @subways-stuff​ @masterninjacow @gyukult @haechanblr @svtxsoju @woogyu​ 

hello, hello!! thank you all for being a part of my pleasant memories from the past year, despite not necessarily interacting frequently. whether it’s been through tag games or mutual writing networks, you’ve all shown me kindness and patience, and i hope you know my gratitude for you all <3

┊ ➶ ｡˚ 　•　°

to you, any reader who has come this far.

​i cannot emphasize how bizarre it still is to get traction on my works. i’m certainly not the biggest fic writing blog out here, nor do i wish to be. but regardless, any message of feedback that i’ve received over this past year has proved that i’m at least doing something right.

to quote myself from a year ago, i’d written a post saying, “i honestly didn’t expect anyone to read my stories as i don’t think they’re anything incredible, but every single like or comment thus far has been blowing me away.” that still holds up to this day. i’m no longer able to churn out fourteen fics in fifteen days (seriously, how the fuck did i do that last december??), but i’m instead prioritizing putting works out that i genuinely enjoy reading myself. i’m a significantly slower writer than i used to be, i’ll admit. yet, despite my absence for sometimes a month or two, know that i’m still here. and i don’t want that to change for at least another year, LOL.

thank you to everyone i’ve tagged above and also those (if there are any) who may have read this far down. i’m terrified that i’m forgetting to mention someone, so if that’s you, feel free to storm in my dms and yell at me. i’m only half-joking.

this post is significantly longer than i had anticipated, but i think it also captures that i genuinely couldn’t have been here for the past year by myself. i know none of you in person nor may ever meet you in real life, but—at least on my end—that doesn’t affect the closeness i feel.

i thank you all for your interactions with me, big or small, and hope for nothing but the best to come your way.

cheers to the past year, lannie

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW for ableism, looking for kindness and advice on how to cope. Hi. I've been having a tough time because my mom is disabled and can't walk and my grandma has Alzheimer's. Both had their conditions worsen very quickly over the past few years and it's been extremely upsetting. When I'm out places with my mom, people aren't understanding that she uses a wheelchair and has very limited mobility and she's much slower than other people. I try to help her as much as I can and try to make things quick like when we get groceries but there are always rude people in the stores who point at us or direct rude comments at us for not being as quick as the other customers. We've never had any employees stick up for us when other customers are being openly rude, because the employees see us as a burden too, and I feel so ashamed, I hate going anywhere anymore because other people make it such a bad and embarrassing experience. With my grandma, what bothers me is that a lot of people online use Alzheimer's as a joke or a meme and it just bothers me seeing how insensitive people are. I'm from the US and a lot of people who dislike the President here make Alzheimer's jokes about him. I was looking at an Alzheimer's awareness hashtag on Twitter to feel less alone about the situation I'm going through with my grandma and there were so many people using the hashtag to be rude and make things political. Overall I guess I'm just hurt and bothered by how ableist a lot of people are. I know that the world in general isn't exactly disability-friendly and it's not like my mom and grandma developed these conditions overnight, I've been dealing with ableist people and comments for years already, but it just feels like it's more common than before and that people are so openly heartless and mean, they don't even care about how they impact others. It hurts a lot, maybe none of these people have anybody in their lives with disabilities, or maybe they do and it's their way to cope or something, but personally this kind of stuff makes me so upset.

TW for death, hospitals, and elderly abuse

Hi again, this is the person who sent in an ask about dealing with my mom and grandma and ableism. I have another thing I want to talk about if that's okay, I am so sorry to be sending more than one ask about this but I just had a really rough day today and need to vent, as well as maybe get some advice on how to deal with this?

In my ask, I mentioned how my mom is really slow when we go out places and how it frustrates people around us. Today I was finding myself more frustrated with her than usual because I hadn't gotten much sleep, we left the house in the hurry and I was feeling tired and hungry, and it felt like I'd been non-stop helping her with stuff all day long. I was feeling very exhausted and impatient. Finally at one point she asked what was wrong with me and I said "Taking care of you is hard" and then she told me that if I didn't take care of her then I'd have no purpose in life. That comment REALLY messed me up and I've been thinking about it all day while feeling really miserable and upset.

In a sense it is kind of true though... I'm not able to work or go places on my own due to all the care she and my grandma require. So yeah it is true that my life revolves around taking care of them and I really don't have any other purpose. But at the same time the whole reason I'm not able to do other things is because of them. I can't even work from home because I can't do things without being interrupted. I don't socialize with people my age or do anything that's NOT for my mom. At one point we did try looking for a caretaker for my grandma but her case is really severe (the nurse they sent us said she wasn't able to handle her and stopped coming), doctors have said BOTH my mom and grandma really ought to be in a hospital where they can get 24/7 full-time professional health care, they need to be in-patient. But my mom doesn't want to go to the hospital because she's in denial about how bad her health is (even though she has to be in a wheelchair there are still times when she forces herself to try and walk and all she does is hurt herself). And in the case of my grandma, my mom thinks my grandma will die if she's put in a hospital or nursing home. One of our relatives with Alzheimer's was put in a nursing home and only lived for about 2 months there, and when we visited her we would sometimes take note of bad conditions (lack of hygiene) or catch the caretakers mistreating her (like ignoring her, or on one occasion putting a pillow over her face even though the person doing it said it was "just to get her attention"). It was pretty horrific, so I do understand where my mom is coming from, the options in our area suck and on top of that are expensive, BUT at the same time this is extremely draining for me to deal with on my own and like I mentioned before our case is considered too bad for normal caretakers to handle outside of a hospital setting. And no, I don't have other family members willing to step in.

Honestly the whole situation ruined my day today, I find myself only wanting to sleep as soon as I get home, I have literally no time for myself and it truly does feel like my whole life is just supposed to revolve around being a caretaker. - Hey there,

First of all, you are dealing with a lot. Recognize that and make sure you schedule self care into your day.

I'm sorry that so many people are ableist and don't understand your mom and grandmother's disabilities. That isn't right and it isn't your fault. I wish the world would be less ableist. It is a form of violence and clearly impacts people's lives greatly.

You all do not deserve to have to deal with the rude, disrespectful, ableist people, and ableist society. It's not fair at all that people are making you and your family feel unworthy and as a burden. You deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and accepted in any environment.

It's okay to feel how you're feeling. It's a tough situation and there are many unfair elements. Be compassionate to yourself.

It is never okay to assume someone has Alzheimer's, especially in order to make them seem bad. It's simply ableism when people say the president has Alzheimer's and doesn't help the situation at all. I'm so sorry you had to deal with seeing that, especially when you were trying to connect with your grandmother.

It is absolutely understandable to be hurt and bothered by ableism. It's not easy to navigate it all, nor is it easy to not internalize some of those beliefs and feel shame as a results. Please know that you don't deserve to feel ashamed about all of this. Regardless of how long you've been dealing with ableism and hatred, that doesn't mean you deserve it or should have to deal with it.

The fact of the matter is that everyone will become impaired in some way or other eventually, if they are lucky to live that long. Disabilities affect countless people and deserve respect and accommodations. Ideally, the world will be easier to navigate for disabled people.

It's okay to get frustrated. I'm so sorry you're in a situation where people make you feel ashamed and burdensome. Being tired and hungry can greatly impact one's ability to tolerate frustration, and injustice, such as ableism.

It's okay to admit that taking care of her is hard. Caregivers go through a lot. Your life isn't easy. Your task isn't easy. You deserve a place to express your thoughts and emotions and be validated. It's okay.

You have a purpose outside of taking care of her. I'm sorry she said that. It can hurt a lot to think that she thinks that of your life. It's okay to be hurt by that comment. It makes sense that you're thinking about it after the fact.

I'm going to past some of what I've said in this ask:

Some signs of caregiver burnout: - irritability - inability to take care of own basic needs (food, sleep, exercise, social time, personal hygiene) - feeling run down - depression, lack of motivation - inability to concentrate - anxiety - hopelessness - getting sick

Signs of compassion fatigue specifically: - feelings of resentment - anger/frustration toward the person you’re caring for - lack of satisfaction from caregiving - feeling overwhelmed - avoidance of or a desire to avoid caregiving duties and the person you’re caring for - decreased emotional regulation - lack of patience

Some things that might help are: - seeking out a support group of other caregivers (here is a forum) - journaling about your feelings, recognizing what you’re going through and allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling - seeing a therapist - socialize with others

Coping skills: - Guided meditation (here, here, and here - Read (free online) - Grounding - Breathing exercises (here and here) - Self care box - and more coping skills

Here are burnout tips.

A self care workbook.

Self-compassion exercises.

Wishing you the best.

- Misa

[arhvste]

Okay bear with me but may I request scenarios where kuroo, bokuto, and atsumu are doing the “He got all the drugs and I got all the guns” tik tok trend with their s/o (separately) and like they are wearing the whole shebang heels, dresses, crop tops, makeup, wigs ,etc that’s only if you want to of course n e ways have an awesome day🤩

OMG ARE U A MIND READER I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS AND SPECIFICALLY THESE BOYS DOING THIS TREND FOR WEEKS 🤯

just in case you didn’t know i’m referencing this trend 😼

KUROO, BOKUTO AND ATSUMU DOING THE FAMOUS (I’M THE ONE) TIKTOK TREND WITH THEIR S/O

-

KUROO

when you first show him the trend on tiktok he just laughs 

then you suggest the two of you doing it and he goes quiet

he’s really thinking about it 

he secretly is more than happy to do it with you 

but he’ll find out how far he can tease you first

“and what do i get out of doing this?”

“spending quality time with the love of your life duh”

“it’s gonna take a bigger reward than that for the expense of me making a fool of myself online princess”

“PS5?”

then he’s like 👀

he wasn't expecting an actual good reward but if that’s what you’re willing to do for it 

he won’t actually make you buy one for him don't worry

he’s just amused that you’re that adamant about doing it 

he will absolutely let you pick out what clothes of his you want to wear

you’ll pick out what he wears from your wardrobe though because he is not about to stretch your cute clothes with his big body

you end up giving him an elasticated crop top and some loose baggy sweatpants

he will 100% let you do his make up and hold accessories

he is stunning with a natural make up look

a pretty highlight to his cheekbones, bridge and tip of his nose, inner corners of the eye and brow bone

light pink blush on his cheeks and nose

slim eyeliner and a light pink natural lip colour

he actually suggested wearing super obnoxious fake eyelashes 

“i am NOT having you look like a tacky abg kuroo”

“but then we can say you’re a kevin nguyen, it fits”

‘nO!!” 

to finish the look he’s holding a white clutch bag of yours 

he almost looks seductive 👁👅👁

he actually looks so good in your outfit

“i think i pull this off better than you”

you’re wearing some training shorts, one of his favourite t shirts and a black nike cap 

so you set your phone up and the music starts to play

immediately you two are in fits of giggles though 

it takes you two approximately 8 attempts to finally get it right 

and when you watch it back you’re in for a shock

kuroo can throw it BACK

he doesn’t even have a particularly noticeable ass 

like he has one but it’s nothing like bokuto’s

but when he throws it back his ass is thicccccc

even he’s surprised at how well he pulls it off

he pulls the whole routine off

from the way his hips seductively sway, the pure sass in his walk as he struts into the camera frame and the way he rolls his body

honestly you think he makes a better girl than you

“good aren’t i? god i could almost date myself”

“yeah if you’re into 6″2 hairy girls with a hyena laugh” 

he’s looking down at his very manly and unshaven legs

“let me shave it and i’d date myself”

you guys upload it and you’re a hit 

“let’s move to LA right now tell the hype house they’ve got two new members joining”

“kuroo, i am NOT joining the hype house and neither are you. 😐”

overall i really think you guys would have fun with this trend and kuroo makes sure to send the video to both of your families who enjoy watching it as much as you guys enjoyed making it 

“the roles have reversed i’m your pretty girl now y/n~”

-

BOKUTO

he’s the one who brings it up to you

“babe look at this we HAVE to try it please please please!”

you laugh at him and agree to it 

he is so excited he already knows what choreography he is doing

you guys go to get changed and he lets you pick whatever you want out of his wardrobe 

this boy is pure muscle he is huge 

anything of his you wear will be like a dress on you

regardless you still take your time deciding what you want to wear

PLEASE pick his volleyball jersey and shorts he will literally cry from happiness

it would make his whole year 

so you do just that 

he is literally melting at the sight of you in his volleyball uniform

“BABY YOU HAVE TO WEAR THAT TO ALL MY MATCHES”

“-but you’ll be wearing it... at your matches... when you play 👁👄👁”

so bokuto will not be fitting into your tight fitting clothes that's for sure

but he will happen to fit into one of your cute flirty sundresses where the top half is made to be able to adjust the size

he is twirling around and flicking the skirt about once you manage to wrangle him in it 

he’s like a giddy school girl

again, he will definitely be up for you to apply make up on him

nothing too heavy but just enough so you can tell he’s wearing some

pretty light yellow eyeshadow, highlighted features and faded eyeliner

you pull his hair into two tight little buns

he’s really feeling the part now

so you guys go to film the tiktok and he is jumping around like an excited kid

you manage to film your parts pretty well first try but he isnt too happy with his performance

“i don't know i just feel like i could’ve thrown it back a bit more”

so you refilm until he is content with his part

which by the way is after 14 tries so thank the lords you are patient when it comes to him

it is so worth it though

the practices paid tf off because bokuto is throwing his cake about like nobodies business

he be serving a piece for everyone fr 

immediately after you film it he wants to show akaashi 

to which akaashi isn't surprised when he watches it 

he does snicker at his phone when he does watch it though

neither you or bokuto really care about views etc 

this was all just for fun after all but you upload it anyway not giving it much thought

and just like that the two of you are an overnight sensation

comments are flooding the notifications 

“his ass routine? drop it noW!!”

“what's his work out routine i need cake like his 😩😩”

“my boyfriend said he has a fatter ass than me so im currently crying 😔🤚🏽”

the nekoma, fukurodani and karasuno boys are BUGGIN tf out 

they're all calling you and sending you the video for confirmation that it is actually you two 

it’s not like bokuto is hard to tell apart but they still want your confirmation 

“REMEMBER ME WHEN YOU’RE FAMOUS BOKUTO-SAN!!”

“OF COURSE HINATA WHEN WE’RE RICH WE’LL ADOPT YOU CAN LET YOU MOVE INTO OUR TIKTOK MANSION!”

he is SUCH a child but he’s the man child you fell in love with

needless to say this video will be played at the wedding and anniversaries to come 

-

ATSUMU

atsumu is constantly irritating you to be one of those tiktok couples with him

he’s convinced the two of you were made for the tiktok lifestyle 

everytime you roll your eyes and decline 

but you decide to give him the opportunity when a certain trend catches your eye 

“baby, when i said i wanted to be tiktok famous i meant like the dances n cute videos where people compliment us n call us hot. this aint it chief”

“fine then, guess i’ll ask samu”

he doesn't even give u the chance to get up after you say that

“no nO I”LL DO IT 😠”

he is reluctant at first 

ideally he wanted to make the tiktoks where you’re the one throwing it back on him not vice versa

anything to make you happy though i guess

he will pick out both of your outfits

if he’s going to do this tiktok, the least he’s going to make sure of is that you both fit his aesthetic 

so you’re wearing typical clothes he’d wear to the gym

his gym clothes are actually stylish though

you will NOT catch atsumu wearing anything ugly that includes gym clothes

unlike a certain other setter who thought wearing plaid shorts was acceptable cough cough oikawa

he chooses to wear a tight dress 

it’s stretchy though so don’t worry he isn't stretching out and ruining your clothes 

“why are you wearing that? you can see a little too much there ratsumu”

“uh so people can see you have a boyfriend that's obviously packin heat 🙄”

“i hate you 😀”

he is hesitant about wearing make up

but you explain to him since you’re doing it you might aswell go all out so he finally gives in

you won’t put a lot on him though just to compromise with him slightly 

light highlight, blended out eyeliner, natural lip colour 

he’s surprisingly impressed and pulls out his phone to take a few selfies before getting ready to film the ‘stupid’ video with you

he insists he doesn't need to practice

“im good at everythin’ i do and everyone is gonna see that when we film this shit”

surprisingly it does only take you guys one attempt to get it right

atsumu is good at body rolls periodt  

he can throw it back 

but his body rolls chileee

he looks flexible asf 

he is serving absolute attitude 

you also did take notice of him using one hand to slyly cover his private area out of modesty though

because he found you were in fact right about how that dress really did show everything 

he incorporates it well into his choreography though nobody would be able to tell he was trying to cover himself 

“baby we look so fuckin hot. im talkin more bout me but you’re still sexy too”

he adds so many hashtags to the caption

#couple #hot #imhotter #fyp #foryoupage #tiktokcouple #couplegoals #hotboy #sexyboy #hotathlete #attractivemale #eboy #trending #makeusfamous

you just roll your eyes and let him get on with it 

im so sorry but you guys don’t get many views

atsumu is pissed

“we put so much effort in why’s it not gettin attention?!”

“calm down babe we only posted it 2 minutes ago”

give it a few days and you guys do blow up though 

im talking 867K likes

and to atsumu’s delight the comments are mostly complimenting you both 

“told ya this was a good idea”

“it was my idea?? 😐”

-

requests are open!!

[angryschnauzer]

I know i’ve not been on here as much recently, or when i am i’m interacting with just the usual crew... and i apologise for that. I’ve had an influx of new followers and i really should have welcomed you and included you. Unfortunately real life has been dealing me yet another shitty hand of cards, and its all down to accusations of copying, not fanfiction, but for my actual business.

Long boring word vomit so i’ll put it below a read more cut. But just know i am trying to get back here to have fun with my online friends, followers, and all the rest of you freaks.

So you already know i run a little craft business. I used to do wedding decorations, but then 2020 happened and no-one was getting married, so i had to diversify in order to pay the bills. I used my skills and branched out into all sorts of crafts; sewing, papercrafts, making kits for people to make at home. And i did well. I kept the business going through a pandemic, i kept food on the table and the bills paid. But it was hard work. Really fucking hard work. Coming into 2021 with honestly not an awfully different outlook on the trading market, i realised that i needed to do something to increase the value of each sale. To put it basically, its better for a business to have one purchase at a value of £10, than four purchases each at £2.50. Its the same overall turnover, but its four times the amount of packing, time, shipping materials etc. So i looked to what was trending and saw the idea of doing mixed item postal gifts. Kind of like a subscription box but without the subscription; so i would a limited quantity of a certain selection box each month, people could purchase them as and when they were able to. Hell, i could even get other local small businesses involved to add a product of theirs in. 

So i did it. I worked so fucking hard, and i launched them. 

And then one local company starts commenting on my social media posts. Things like “You know we do these too”, and “This is just like our company, that has been going since last year”, and then they post this on their facebook page;

So they get a bunch of people private messaging them asking whats going on. The comments are ‘R U ok Hun?’ type comments. Well one of the people was a mutual friend, who clued me into what was being said, and it was a blatant “she’s copying us”.

I then sit back. This is all happening within the first week of January, when i am trying to launch this product, and also network with other companies to try and get people to work with me. 

Now you know what never once popped up when i was doing my research? THIS FUCKING COMPANY. The last post on social media was 16th December, and it was a lifestyle post, not even a business post. We were already a good 2+ weeks since christmas, and upon further inspection of their website, the only things they had available on there were Christmas boxes... at full price, not even discounted. Not once did they come up in my searches because guess what? They don’t use hashtags on their posts. They didn’t do any networking, they didn’t post on local facebook groups, L I T E R A L L Y nothing. But i’m now getting what seems to be a fucking hate campaign with people that know this business commenting on every single post on social media. Its a full time job just trying to delete and block these comments, because once a business gets even a snippet of a rumour about them, it sticks. And i do A LOT of local business.

I have resisted SO HARD blazing a post calling them out on my social media, but the one thing i’ve always been taught is don’t air your dirty laundry in public. I haven’t even said anything on my personal fb page as i know i have some mutual friends with the person that runs this business. 

But the absolute weirdest thing about this whole situation, is after they did that post on facebook, they DELETED their business facebook page, and blocked my business from their insta page (i have other accounts so they really are quite dumb to think i won’t be able to see them). But... its the run up to valentines day, and then UK Mothers Day (14th March), so its like prime time to be getting gift boxes out there! Nothing new has been posted on their website, if they aren’t going to be doing any more boxes, WHY THE HELL are they trying to run me into the ground? 

AND, AND, AND, this wasn’t exactly their unique idea, pamper boxes by post are a really popular item, there are literally 25 companies locally doing this!  WHY THE FUCK DO THEY WANT TO PICK ON ME???

Ok rant over. Sorry you had to put up with all that word vomit.

[luna-eclipse2000]

Shingeki no Danganronpa

Chapter 1, part 1

So I started this story last year when the Danganronpa craze happened but I still wanna post it because I think it’s a pretty alright take on the game. I put a hashtag of the name of this series so the parts are easy to find. (ie. Shingeki no Danganronpa Chapter 1)

——————————————————————————

Hope’s Peak High. A school so large that it towers over all the other buildings in this bustling urban area. Some people say that the school is like it’s at the centre of the world, which I agree to. Except, it is at the centre of the entire world. Everyone knows about this school and how prestigious it is. Anybody who’s anybody dreams of getting that fateful acceptance letter from administration. They say that if you come here and manage to graduate, you’ll be set for life. I’m not the most interesting person in the world, so it was a complete shock when I got a letter saying that they want me to attend. The only award I’ve ever won was a runner’s up ribbon in a fishing tourney. My letter told me that I’m the ‘Ultimate Lucky Student’, which sounds like complete horse shit in my opinion.

I get good grades, sure, but nothing as skyrocketing as some of the people who get in for a purpose. I still accepted the opportunity because I’m not an idiot. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and there’s no way that I’ll give it up because I feel like I don’t belong there... which I definitely feel like. I would’ve just assumed that they got the wrong person but they don’t send acceptance letters to the wrong house, it hasn’t happened in the fifty years the school’s been running for, and I’m pretty sure that the name (f/n) (l/n) isn’t common in this area. So here I now stand, in front of the massive school. It’s even more impressive and intimidating in person. Before I arrived, I did a small Google search on who was going to be in my class and it ranges from more mundane things like the Ultimate Cleaner to the Ultimate Strategist. But, despite my uncertainty of my presence, I put on a brave face and walk through the entrance gates... only to start feeling dizzy and nauseous, like I’m in one of those crazy amusement park rides where you spin in a circle very quickly and the floor drops. No sooner do I start feeling this way, do I black out.

~~~~~

“The hell just happened?” I ask myself as I open my eyes and take a look at my surroundings. I seem to be in a classroom because of all the desks and the blackboard up front, but there’s no windows. Just big metal plates with even bigger bolts and screws holding them in place. “Huh. Weird. Maybe that just shows some new part of the school they’re building and they don’t want any one to see it until it’s finished?” I wonder as I stand up from the desk. I look around but don’t see any bags, even mine is gone. When I turned back to my desk, I notice a slightly folded piece of paper on it, so I pick it up out of curiosity.

Hey there, new kid! The next semester is about to start. Starting today, this school will be your entire world.

“Knew it was the centre of the world.” I think to myself and then place the card down. It didn’t look very professional as it was written in black and red pencil crayon, but it’s a high school so I doubt there are any kids. And if there were, I would have to report them to cops for child labour. I look up at the clock and see that’s it’s eight. “How long was I out for? An hour probably, maybe less. Wait, doesn’t this school start at eight? Where’s all the students? And the teachers? Maybe I read the time wrong on the letter.”

I then go out of the classroom and notice the weird magenta and purple look of the halls and cringe at the contrast. “Ok, what the hell is with this hallway? And, again, where are all the people? I know that eight am isn’t very early, at least not so early that it’s a ghost town. Oh, shit, maybe there’s an assembly!”

I begin to race down the hall and pass by a red door that feels too eerily out of place but I shake the feeling off and head towards the main hall. Once I arrive, I see that everyone else is already there. “Hey, look! Someone else is here!” Someone says. “So that makes fifteen of us.” Someone else points out. “So, you’re all new as well?” I ask them. “No, we’re here for shits and giggles.” A boy with black hair and sharp steel grey eyes rudely answers. I laugh awkwardly. “Who shoved a stick up your ass?”

He clicks his tongue in annoyance. “Anyways, I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself. “Sorry I’m late. When I entered the school I just blacked out or some shit. It was really weird.”

“You too?” A short blonde girl asks. “That’s what happened to the rest of us! At first, I thought it was just nerves. But then everyone started to realize that we all blacked out.”

“Yes. This is rather a strange situation.” A boy with blond hair that’s tied back a bit and glasses says. “I’ve never heard of fifteen people blacking out at different times at the same place on the same day.”

“We were drugged!” Someone speaks up. Everyone goes quiet as we turn our attention to the person who spoke. She’s rather tall and has brown hair, and wears glasses. “Oh, come on! I was just joking to lighten the mood! And ease the tension that’s growing because it’s making me a biiiit uncomfortable.”

“So then how about we just introduce ourselves then?” A black haired boy with freckles suggests. “That way we can ease the tension without freaking everyone out.”

I immediately feel calmer after he speaks. He’s got some kind of... energy or something around him. The first person I go up to is the short blonde girl with blue eyes. “Oh, hello! I’m Krista Lenz.”

Krista Lenz. She’s the Ultimate Volunteer. She volunteers all of her free time to shelters, reading to kids, helping the city, going in to retirement/nursing homes, helping out in hospitals and keeping veterans company. She’s even gone abroad to help build homes. She’s known online as Angel, and I can totally see why. Not just because of her noble acts, but because she looks so pure and innocent. Like a little angel. “Well, it’s actually Historia Reiss but that’s hard for kids and seniors to pronounce and spell so I just came up with the fake name.” Krista explains. “No way, seriously?” I ask her. “Doesn’t it bother you that you’re popular with a name that isn’t technically yours?”

She giggles cutely. “Singers do it all the time, don’t they? Katy Perry’s last name is actually Hudson but she didn’t want to get confused for the actress, Kate Hudson.”

“Oh, right, yeah.” I say awkwardly and then move onto the next person.

I decide to go up to the the boy who suggested introductions. “Hi! I’m Marco Bodt. It’s nice to meet you!”

Ah, yes. Marco Bodt, the Ultimate Peacekeeper. He tries to help different countries bring peace to them so no more wars break out. He’s also proposed that they follow England in having a special force of officers who carry guns while the majority only carry nightsticks. He’s also won a Nobel peace prize. “So, what are you here for?” Marco asks me. “Oh, nothing special. I’m not that important.” I say. “Nonsense! You were accepted, right?” Marco says. “I got chosen by chance to be the lucky student.” I tell him. “See?” Marco says. “Out of everyone in the world that they put into chance, you got chosen! Not Diana across town. And the letter even said you were the Ultimate Lucky Student as a result, that accounts for something, right?”

I smile thankfully and go to say something else but hear shouting instead. “What the fuck did you call me, you suicidal bastard?!”

“I called you a horse face, horse face!” The other person responds just as angrily. “Oh, geez.” Marco says. “Sorry, I’m gonna go break them up so there isn’t a murder or anything.”

Marco then heads off to go calm the two boys down. I roll my eyes. “Teenage boys. Why are they like this?”

I head off to another boy, but he doesn’t have any hair. Or at least very little, short, stubby hairs. “Hi, I’m Connie Springer!”

Connie Springer is the Ultimate Prankster. He’s pulled pranks on a various number of people, none of which were very tame. He’s pranked politicians and celebrities. He’s helped talk show hosts prank their audiences and even pranked a military general. I honestly don’t know how he got away with his life for that one, especially since I heard how strict and unforgiving the general is. “It’s nice to meet you, Connie.” I say. “How’d you even escape General Shadis after putting Veet in his shampoo and then switching his toothpaste for actual sewerage?”

“Not easily, I’ll tell you that.” Connie responds with a laugh.

I then move onto the next person. A girl with black hair and grey eyes standing beside a boy with brown hair and beautiful turquoise eyes that I’m honestly jealous of. “Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger and this is Mikasa Ackerman.”

Eren Jaeger. The Ultimate Freedom Fighter. He leads various protests to allow people more rights and be more free, and he also runs different projects that aid in getting people free from their situation. Mikasa Ackerman is his adopted sister and is basically known as his knight in shining armour because of her saving Eren from all the aggressive people he’s encountered. She’s the Ultimate Protector. She protects students at school from bullies, and protects her brother, Eren, from everything. She’s been known to intimated police and SWAT teams, who are already trying to get her to join their force. Marco’s even been seen with them from time to time when he knows it could get very ugly. “What you’ve been doing is quite admirable, Eren.” I compliment him. “It’s great of you to stand up for complete strangers.”

He bashfully puts a hand on the back of his neck with a light blush and smile. “Thanks. Everyone deserves to have freedom so I just stand up for those who’s voices are drowned out by every day noise.”

I turn to Mikasa. “And you’re pretty brave to tell SWAT officers off.”

She just shrugs. “I don’t see it as brave.”

I nod and then go to the next person. Well, group. A tall boy with dark brown hair who seems to be sweating a lot, a blond boy who’s pretty buff, and a short blond girl who gives off as much warmth as an iceberg in a blizzard. “Hi. I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself to them. They all look at me and I see the blond smirk. “Nah, cute is what you are.” He says to me. I can feel my cheeks start to burn at his pick-up line. “Oh, well, uh, thank you.”

“I’m Reiner Braun. This guy here’s Bertolt Hoover, and this is Annie Leonhart.”

Reiner Braun’s the Ultimate Blacksmith. He looks much more like a sports guy but when you see what he makes, you know that his talents lie with making armour and weapons. He makes them professionally for people who want a real replica of what medieval knights had, cosplayers, and medieval dinner shows. He’s won more than fifty competitions for blacksmithing. Bertolt Hoover is the Ultimate Deceit. He’s gotten away with a bunch of different crimes because of his shy and timid nature that makes him fade more into the background. Annie Leonhart is the Ultimate Fighter. Her father put her into boxing when she was a kid and beat the instructor on her first day so she started to train professionally. “So, what do you think about us being a thing when school really gets started, huh?” Reiner flirts. “Reiner, shut up.” Annie orders her friend. “Thanks for the offer.” I say. “It’s really tempting, but I have to decline.”

I quickly leave the trio to go introduce myself to a girl with auburn hair tied up into a ponytail. “Hi! I’m Sasha Braus!”

Sasha Braus runs a successful food critic website and tries food from all over the world including octopus, fried spiders and escamol. She’s friends with a bunch of different famous chefs like Gordon Ramsey and Rachel Ray. She’s also judged on a number of cooking shows and won every eating contest she’s competed in which is why she’s the Ultimate Foodie. “So, uh, when do you think we’ll get to eat?” Sasha asks me. I think for a second. “Not sure. We’ll probably have the orientation meeting and then be given a tour of the school, which will take a while, so probably not until at least eleven.”

She pouts. That’s when I notice a smell. “What the hell is that?”

“Oh, it’s a potato.” Sasha says and pulls out a whole baked potato from her jacket pocket. “Where the hell did you find a potato?!” I ask her. “Well when I woke up, I was really hungry. But my bag wasn’t with me that carried all my snacks. So before I came to the main hall, I decided to go find the dining hall. The potato was just kind of... there. Like it was waiting for me to eat it.” Sasha says and then breaks off a piece. “You want half?”

I look at the piece and see that it’s more like a quarter but I’m not hungry anyway so I politely decline. “More for me then!”

I laugh at her and then turn and see the black haired male with the stick up his ass. “Let’s get this over with.” I think to myself as I make my way over. “Hi.” I greet him. His cold eyes land on me and I instantly feel like I committed a felony or something. “Levi Ackerman.”

Levi Ackerman, distant cousin of Mikasa Ackerman, according to tabloids, who’s the Ultimate Cleaner. Apparently he grew up in the shittiest part of the city where the rats are almost the size of feet, which is where his obsession for cleanliness came from. He cleans up any vandalism from the streets and enforces no littering. He’s run mass city, beach and ocean clean ups. I decide that it’s best to leave him alone so I turn to the brown haired girl beside him who’s wearing glasses. “Hiii! I’m Hanji Zoë! The Ultimate Scientist! Also I’m non-binary, just so you know.”

Hanji Zoë definitely lives up to the title. They found a new element when they were ten and they had to do their science work from home so a university chemist and biologist could come tutor them. They even created a new cell that can protect the body from diseases like TB, certain cancers, and certain joint problems. She also won a Nobel prize. “It’s nice to meet you.” I say. “Great job on getting that Nobel prize for your cell creation!”

“Thank you, but it was nothing.” Hanji brushes my compliment off. “I don’t need an award to tell me that I helped millions of people for me to know it. Sorry, did that sound cocky?”

“No, no! It’s ok! I understand what you mean.” I tell them and then go off to the blond boy with glasses. “Hi. I’m Armin Arlert.”

Armin Arlert. The Ultimate Strategist who came up with his first strategy to get out of the orphanage he was placed in and go completely unnoticed when he was eight. After that, he started working with the military and with him on their side, there are much fewer casualties for them... but not for the other side. “So, your strategies are pretty damn good.” I say. “How on earth do you come up with them?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It just kind of happens.” Armin says awkwardly. “You get nervous about speaking about your brain, don’t you?” I ask him. He chuckles with a small blush. “Was I that obvious?”

“It’s ok. I get it. You help the military to make sure that they don’t lose as many soldiers as the other side.” I say. He nods shyly, so I move onto the next person. She has brown hair tied back into a flat ponytail. “Hi. I’m (f/n).” I introduce myself. “Ymir.” She introduces herself.

With the lack of a last name, and not hearing about her at all online, I just nod my head awkwardly and go introduce myself to the final person. He’s talking to Marco and has interesting hair. It’s ash blond with a brown undercut. “Hi, I’m (f/n) (l/n).” I introduce myself. The boy turns around and I get bit startled by his amber eyes. Eren has pretty eyes, but this guy is a full on pretty boy. He gives me a grin and I can tell he knows it, too. “Hey, Jean Kirschtein.”

Jean Kirschtein is the Ultimate Equestrian. He’s been riding horses ever since he could walk because he grew up on a farm. He entered his first equestrian competition when he was seven and has won first every year. He helps take care of horses from his own to others and even helps beginners with picking out which horse they should ride first. He even runs riding lessons at the farms for said beginners. “So, I heard that you’re the Ultimate Lucky Student, eh?” Jean asks. “Could I have some of that luck to take you horse riding?”

“Keep it PG at school, horse face!” We hear Eren mock. “I don’t have a horse face!” Jean shouts at him. “And I wasn’t implying anything!”

He’s obviously a bit embarrassed and flustered. “Alright, alright. Calm down. He’s just doing it to rile you up.” Marco says to Jean. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you look like a horse.” I tell him.

Just as I finish saying that, a bell goes off. “Ahem! Ahem! Testing, testing! Mic check, one, two! This is a test of the school’s broadcast system! Am I on? Can everyone hear me? Ok, well then...!” A voice speaks through the PA system. “Ahh, to all incoming students! I would like to begin the entrance ceremony at... right now! Please make your way to the gymnasium at your earliest convenience... That’s all. I’ll be waiting!”

“Is that voice not sitting well with anyone else or is my stomach feeling squirmy because of the potato I stole?” Sasha asks us. “No. It definitely feels odd.” Marco agrees with her. “We don’t have time for this, brats. Let’s just get on with this so I can clean. This place is absolutely filthy.” Levi says monotonously with a hint of disgust as he walks away from the group and towards the gym. I look at Jean and Marco and the three of us follow him, followed by everyone else. We all make it to the gym in a few short minutes. I see Hanji go towards the trophy case and look straight at this gold and purple katana. “Oo, pretty!” They exclaim and then touch the handle but immediately retract their hand. “Damn, that thing is absolutely coated in gold dust! My hand looks like El Dorado!”

“Um... anyone else find it weird that the hall’s are completely empty?” Krista asks as we enter the gym itself. “I haven’t even heard any other classes going in the classrooms.”

“Yeah, man. I’m getting weirded out, now.” Connie agrees with her. “And did anyone else notice that there were machine guns in front of the entrance which looked like a vault door?” Eren asks. “It’s probably nothing, Eren.” Mikasa says. “Why would they have machine guns in a school?”

He nods but I see him shift uncomfortably. “Hey there, howdy, hello!” The voice from earlier greets. “Is everyone here? Good! Then let’s get things rolling!”

We all look towards the stage which has a podium in the centre and the school crest above it, which are two wings; one white and one blue. As we await our headmaster to walk on stage, a black and white teddy bear pops up and lands on the podium. I hear Connie snort back a laugh. “A teddy bear?” Krista asks in confusion. “I’m not a teddy bear!” The bear says lowly. “I... am... Monokuma! And I am this school’s headmaster!”

I try to wrap my head around what’s happening. A teddy bear- er, uh, Monokuma is our headmaster who’s mouth doesn’t even move when he’s talking. I look around at all my classmates, particularly Connie, to see if this is a joke of his, but everyone looks just as confused as I am. Except Annie but she’s devoid of all of emotion. Hell, even Levi has an eyebrow quirked at the oddness. “Nice to meet you all!”

“Ok, Connie.” Reiner says. “This was hilarious, best prank you’ve ever pulled! But can you turn off the teddy bear now?”

“I’m not doing this, I swear! You guys can search me for a remote or whatever.” Connie responds. “I don’t think he has the intelligence needed to build that. No offence, Connie.” Armin says. I see Connie look slightly offended at the words. “I told you already, I’m not a teddy bear... I’m Monokuma! And I’m your headmaster!” Monokuma shouts angrily as he moves his arms up to display further emotion. “AH! It moved!” Sasha screeches. “No shit, Sherlock.” Levi mumbles. “Oh, calm down, everyone! It’s obviously just a remote controlled toy!” Hanji says. “How dare you compare me to a child’s plaything!” Monokuma says. “You’ve cut me deep. Deeper than the Mariana Trench... My remote control system is so complex, even the folks in the Military Police can’t recreate or even comprehend it! Then again, that place is full of nitwits! Now then, moving on! We really must hurry and get started... Everyone, stand at attention and bow! And... good morning!”

Marco does as he’s told. “Good morning, sir!”

“Marco, stand up.” Jean whispers and pulls the boy up from his bow. “Don’t fall for this shit.”

“Now then, let us commence with a most noteworthy and memorable entrance ceremony!” Monokuma says. “First, let’s talk a bit about what your school life here will be like. Now, ah, make no mistake- you few students, so full of potential, represent the hope of the world. And to protect such splendid hope... you will all live a communal life together solely within the confines of this school. Everyone will live in harmony together, and adhere to the school’s rules and regulations. Ah, now then... regarding the end date of this communal life... there isn’t one! In other words, you’ll all be here until the day you die! Such is the school life you’ve been assigned.”

“Until we die? What kind of fucked up bullshit is this?” Levi asks. “Oh, but fear not!” Monokuma assures us. “We have quite an abundant budget, so you won’t lack for all the common conveniences.”

“That’s still not very comforting.” I tell him. “You gotta be screwing with us!” Connie says. “I am not screwing with you!” Monokuma shouts angrily. “I am no liar, of that you can be 100% sure. Ah, and just for your information... you’re completely cut off from the outside world. So you don’t have to worry about that dirty, dirty land beyond these walls ever again!”

I feel my pockets for my phone. “They took our phones!” I announce. Everyone then starts to check themselves for theirs, too. “So, then... all those metal plates all over the school... they’re there to keep us trapped in here?” Reiner asks him. “That’s exactly what they’re there for.” Monokuma confirms. “No matter how much you may yell and scream for help... help will not come. So with all that in mind, feel free to live out your life here with reckless abandon!”

“Come on, what the hell is this? It’s not funny!” Eren asks. “You all keep saying this is a lie, or a joke.” Monokuma says. “A bunch of skeptics, all of you. But I guess you can’t help it, huh? You all grew up in an age where you’re taught to doubt your neighbour... Well, you’ll have plenty of time to find out whether or not what I say is true. And when that time comes, you’ll see with your own eyes that I speak the undeniable truth.” Monokuma answers Eren.

“I don’t want to live here forever! This is bullshit!” Jean shouts nervously. No one else looks pleased with the news. “Come, now. What’s the matter with all of you? You decided of your own free will to attend Hope’s Peak Academy, didn’t you? And now, before the entrance ceremony is even finished, you’ve already decided that you want to leave? Oh, but you know... I guess I did forget to mention one thing. There is one way for you to leave the school...” Monokuma leaves us in hopeful suspense.

“Spit it out, already.” Annie orders. “Ok, ok! Calm down!” Monokuma says. “As headmaster, I’ve crafted a special clause for those of you who would like to leave! I call it... the Graduation Clause! Now, let me tell you about this fun little rule. As I mentioned, in order to maintain an environment of harmony here, we rely on a communal lifestyle. And if someone were to disrupt that harmony, they, and they alone, would be allowed to leave the school. That, my students, is the Graduation Clause!”

“So by disrupting the peace, all we need to do is fling shit, literally, at people and we can just... go?” Levi asks with a hint of skepticism in his voice. Monokuma laughs. “No. Not exactly. But... if someone were murder another. (“Murder?!” We all repeat in shock) Stabbing, strangling, bludgeoning, crushing, hacking, drowning, igniting, how you do it doesn’t matter. You must kill someone if you want to leave. It’s as simple as that. The rest is up to you. Give it your all to achieve the best outcome in the worst way possible!”

The air goes suffocatingly thick as we all process the situation at hand. We’re trapped in here for life unless we commit murder. There’s no way to contact the outside world, all the windows are boarded up with giant plates of metal, and our headmaster is a complete psycho. No one wants to believe this. It’s something straight out of a horror movie or a TV show created by someone seriously fucked up. Monokuma’s laugh brings us all out of our stupor. “I bet that got your brain juices flowing! Beats the heck out of a human catching a salmon, huh? Like I said before, you guys are the hope of the world. But you know... taking that hope and seeing it get murdered creates a darkened shadow of despair. And I just find that so. Darn. Exciting!”

“You’re insane!” Krista exclaims as she starts to cry a bit. “You guys just don’t get it, do you?” Monokuma asks. “‘Let us go, let us go!’ You keep on saying the same thing over and over and over and over...! Listen. From this moment on, this school is your home, your life, your world. Got it? And you can kill as much as you wanna kill! So go ahead! Go on a kill-kill-killing spree!”

No one makes a move, or a sound, for a good few seconds until Mikasa walks up to the podium. She just stands there. “Eh? Well what do you want?” Monokuma asks her. When he finishes speaking, she grabs him by his little bear neck and lifts him off the ground. Monokuma waves his arms up and down. “I don’t know if you’re a toy, and, frankly, I don’t care, but you just threatened myself, Eren and everyone else here with murder. If it’s murder you want, it’s murder you’ll get.” Mikasa says and pulls out a pocketknife from her pants pocket. “Waah! Violence against the headmaster is in violation of school regulations!” Monokuma shouts. “You never said that before.” Mikasa says stoically. “And all we need to do is disturb the peace to leave, right? So all I need to do is pull out your stuffing and I’ll get to leave. And since you won’t be around, I’ll take everyone here with me.”

He doesn’t respond except for some kind of beeping. “Is he shutting down?” I question. The beeping then gets louder and more frequent. I then hear a gasp come from behind me. “Throw it!” Hanji instructs. “What?” Mikasa responds. “Throw the damn bear! He’s gonna explode!” Hanji explains. Mikasa immediately throws the bear away and then throws herself onto Eren so he doesn’t get hurt as Monokuma explodes.

I jump from the sudden sound and hear Krista squeak in surprise. “Well, shit. That really throws the reality of this situation in our faces.” Levi says with his usual emotionless voice, but there’s a hint of nervousness behind it. “Wait, guys, Mikasa still killed it!” I point out. “Yeah! The bastard bear’s destroyed!” Eren cheers. “Uh... I-I wouldn’t be so sure...” Armin speaks up as Monokuma reappears on the podium. “Nice try! But it’ll take a lot more than a silly explosion to kill me!”

“Oh, come on! What the hell is this?!” Reiner shouts. “So I was almost killed for nothing?” Mikasa asks. “Of course! You violated one of the school regulations, after all. I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but you’d better be careful from now on. Any naughty boy or girl who violates my rules won’t get off with just a little swat on the butt.” Monokuma threatens. I swear I see a vein on his forehead pop out from the anger. “Wait... if you exploded... and you’re back... does that mean that there are more of you?” Hanji asks him. “Mhm! Yup! There’s also surveillance cameras installed everywhere so I’ll be able to see if you break the rules. Then it’s bye-bye birdie! Now that that’s out of the way, to commemorate your joyous entry into our school, I have a little something for you...” Monokuma says and then flat tablets appear before each of us from the ground. “This is your official student handbook! Pretty cool, huh? As you can see, it’s fully digital. So naturally, we called it... the E-Handbook!”

“Wow... I wonder how many brain cells it took to come up with that?” Hanji says sarcastically. “Ignoring that rude comment, this handbook is absolutely vital to a healthy school life, so don’t lose it! When you start it up, it will display your name. Always make sure you have the right one! Now, this is not your everyday notebook. It has so many more uses than that! Also, it’s completely waterproof. Splash it, wash it, drown it, it’ll keep ticking! And thanks to its space-age design, it can withstand an impact force of up to ten tons. It’s very resistant! It contains all of our school regulations, so make sure you review them thoroughly! You’ll hear me say this a lot, but any violation of school regulations will not be tolerated.”

“This is gonna get pretty fucking annoying.” Ymir groans. “Well, then, don’t violate the rules and you won’t hear it often, sweets. (“Sweets?! Why you-!” Ymir growls but refuses to move so nothing else happens.) Rules restrict, yes, but they also protect. Society, for example, would be utter chaos without laws. (“It’s got a point...” Annie agrees with Monokuma). The same thing applies here! Which is why it’s crucial that we have strict punishments in place for violators. Ok, well... that brings our entrance ceremony to a close! Please enjoy your abundantly dreary school life! See ya!” Monokuma says before disappearing.

With him now gone, we all have time to properly process what we were all just told. I can feel the fear lingering in the air. This school is wrongfully named after Hope. Like he said, the opposite of hope is despair... which is the state that all of us are currently in.

[angeloncewas]

dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

29. The Altar of Grace

Previous Word Count: 4535

“Worship me,” Grace whispered, smiling. Hazel walked back into the room and she hung up the phone and set it aside. Simon didn’t call back. The commandment sounded final for the conversation. The challenge, hardly one at all. He did that every single day. With the exception of when he was at his sickest, backsliding, they would call it in the church - a problem that his mother often saw herself as having when she was younger, because she refused to ever acknowledge that maybe her problem wasn’t spiritual. She gave up even trying after they lost Hope. 

The Laurent family lost Hope, and Faith followed shortly after. But Simon? He found Grace. He was more used to the concept of grace than she was. The only time her family ever stepped foot in a church was for political reasons or at the very least public opinion. The little that Grace knew about any of that was stuff that she’d seen in media, and stuff that Simon had programmed inside of him. She’d once joked that he was going to start an Apex megachurch (there were megachurches all over California, and he had grown up in a church house), but the way that his mind went from outlining a few ground rules for the Apex to taking his knowledge of church legislature and formatting a very religious like experience in both praxis and adherence made her let the joke die off fast.

The Apex had been no joke to Simon. It had been, for lack of better comparison, his megachurch. At the center was Grace, and he worshiped at her altar, spreading the gospel of the Apex, the gospel of Grace. He wasn’t just making things up, in his mind. He was just telling others of his vision, of the world at her feet, of himself at her feet. The Bible often spoke of grace, but Simon was never sure of it before her, and once he was sure, his mind easily melded together the concept of grace with the incarnation that was Grace. She hadn’t asked for it. She was born into what she was. She had never really seemed to care one way or another about all of her faithful followers, the mass he organized at school, the branches of his discipleship that spread far and wide online. She had only ever cared about her chosen one. He was that. The one at the right hand of the throne of God, herself.

Grace’s commandment wasn’t unclear, nor was it new to him. It was simply her paraphrasing the Word of God, that he had always been familiar with to some extent. He had memorized verses in his youth. He had heard prayers throughout his life. He knew what she meant. He told her that he would do anything. Threw himself at her mercy to beg forgiveness. He was ready for her to give him his punishment, to give him his instruction, and her response, whether she realized it or not, was one wrapped up in the grace the preachers always spoke of. Because she gave him no punishment, just something that came as naturally to him as breathing - worship me… and she would give him what he was requesting… herself, which was everything he needed.

Sure, one could argue that this was the temptation of Satan. “All this I will give you, if you bow down and worship me.” Simon never believed in Satan. He didn’t really believe in God, either. But, the programming, the ritual, the practices… those were ingrained in him. He simply needed something to sit in the throne of his heart. He could see her there, as clearly as if she were in an actual throne… The was going to MAKE her an actual throne! 

Simon sat his phone down and went back to his workspace.

.

The weekend with Hazel was exactly what Grace needed to rediscover her equilibrium as single mother, independent woman, career lady, etc. Hazel was exhausted, but Grace was revived. Did she wish that she could still go for spontaneous jogs and not have to worry about leaving Hazel for a little bit? Sure, but she had an in home dance studio that she could work off just as much… toxicity. Simon hadn’t contacted her again. But, he was posting every day.

She wasn’t checking, but someone still to this day insisted on tagging her to things or sending her things. Some of these people HAD to make backup accounts, because no matter how many people her social media reps blocked for that, they continued coming. It was actually a few weeks later that she got a call from her contact assistant. She was in the middle of rehearsals for her next music video, as she was planning to finally release an album during her 23rd year. “Yes, Ma’am?”

“Hey, Grace… I don’t know how else to word this but to say that I’ve gotten several calls to ask you about Simon Laurent’s current… situation and it seems like one of his worst meltdowns yet.”

“What? I JUST saw and talked to Simon a few weeks ago for my birthday and he was fine. Although… his mom is dying, so he may be taking that harder than he wants people to know. Just, send them the statement that Simon and I aren’t close enough that I know what is happening with him at all times, but hopefully he will receive the help that he needs in this instance, just as before.”

“Of course that’s my general answer, but there are some very specific concerns that I believe would matter a little more to you.”

“Like?” Grace asked, worried. If Simon had done something violent, or mean, or explosive, she was ready to cut the cord. She had an album, a child, and her 23rd year, and she was not going to waste as much time as she had in the past on overlooking things.

“Well… The first one is the hashtag The Apex Resurrected… it makes people think that you and Simon are mending things, which many people have thought for months, ever since his birthday in California and the family trip in Belize. Now, there are others coming out with accounts of having seen you two in the Bronx for your birthday - the elevator incident at the club, a few crude videos of you… um… dancing with him that night… and now this, weeks later.”

“The Apex Resurrected? I actually haven’t had anything to do with the Apex in a very long time. The Apex became Simon’s and as far as I knew, it was still a thing amongst the stans. You can release the statement that I don’t know anything about that, nor am I interested in learning.”

“Got it. Next cause for concern - He seems to be collecting various professionals in the Apex, or old Apex, or whatever it is for various tasks. Architecture, and other things. He has been making announcements about making a throne, about worshipping you, and about how he backslid…”

Grace bit her lip, “Okay… I may know something about that. Okay. Ummm… I’ll talk to him about it. What else should I be on the alert about?” 

“He’s buying a place in Riverdale.”

“Did he get the job?”

“Nothing that I’ve found mentions his job, but that he is buying a house. Grace… That’s not that far from East Village… Is it possible that he knows where you are?”

“No. I’ve been extremely careful and Hazel has too, to not mention things that may give way to our neighborhood. But, he was staying in Riverdale a few weeks ago whenever he was here around my birthday, so maybe he just liked it.”

“Well, he’s been speaking about researching if he can grow hazel trees in New York, because he apparently wants those trees on the property, specifically.”

“Okay, that’s a little concerning, maybe.”

“Moreso whenever he begins to poll followers to ask what type of accommodations they would suggest for child quarters for a female presenting child between the ages of 10 and 13.”

“Okay, no. That’s very concerning.”

“People are speculating that the two of you are moving in with him, or at the very least will frequent his home.”

“Shut it down with a simple ‘I didn’t even know that he had found a place in New York.’ We don’t need to tell anyone about Hazel and I being secretive about our neighborhood, as that will probably make people more curious and for all I know, there are Apex people sprinkled around here. Give me a moment to call him, then I’ll call you back for further updates.”

Grace took a deep breath and called Simon. “Grace! I’m so happy to hear from you! I was afraid that I wasn’t doing enough.”

“Simon… from what I’ve heard, you’re doing way too much, Dude. What’s uh… what’s going on, on your end?” He held the phone for a while, confused. “Simon?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Grace. I don’t understand the question.”

“Okay. Well, my rep called me to say that she’s being contacted by outlets that are concerned about some of your behavior lately. Are you… okay?”

“I’m better than I’ve been in years! Everything is returning to normal, going back to the way things are meant to be.”

“Well… Now, I’M the one who doesn’t understand. What do you mean by returning to normal?”

He laughed. “Grace. I asked you what I needed to do, and I heard you. You’ve missed it. Your power, your following, your praise… and I am going to give it all back to you. I’m going to elevate you again, the way that I used to, the way I never should have stopped… I worship you. That’s what you told me to do to fix this.” He sounded very desperate, but hopeful. He also sounded like he knew that saying this out loud to her… they had a miscommunication. “Grace.” She was silent, but he knew that she was still there, doubting him, doubting herself. “What’s wrong with it? What’s wrong with worshiping you? In my own way? It never caused us any pain before. That pain didn’t begin until my love was stifled, and twisted in ways that didn’t feel natural. Are you going to tell me that you don’t think about where we might have been if I had just been allowed to love you like I knew how?”

“What you called love became unbearable for me,” she said.

“It won’t this time! You control whether or not I even get to see or talk to you. I just have to be patient. I have to remember that it isn’t about me. I have to thirst for what you’re willing to give me.”

“Simon, that’s extremely unhealthy.”

“I’m never going to have a healthy relationship! My background, my childhood, my conditions… I’m always going to struggle with normalcy and reason. Relationships will always be difficult and strange… But, does that mean that I can never be happy? That you can’t? The things that have made us happy in the past were things that were so extra to everybody else. You’re just as unhealthy as I am, you were just forced to face that sooner than me. That’s why even though you could have any man in the world, probably any woman, if we’re honest, you haven’t let go of me. I’m always with you. Even when we were broken, beyond reasonable repair, both of us kept holding on to all those fragments. We… belong, Grace. We’re family.”

“Simon… Hazel is my family…”

“Too.” he said. “Hazel is your family, too.”

“We can never be what we were, Simon. Worship me… I didn’t mean it like it sounded. I was being playful. Treat me super nice and buy me things. Fool around a little when we both have time… not… rebuilding the poison that we were together.”

“That poison is who we are. Even with help. We're never going to fully get it out of our systems. We just are learning to live with it there. You rush to save me any time you think I need it. I defend you before I even know a full story. That worked for us, for you and I, until I got greedy. I wanted more, when everything was in perfect harmony. I know that now. I won’t do it again.” 

“Simon…”

“I’m making room for Hazel, as well. I’m not trying to take you back or move her aside. I want all of us…”

“In this poison???”

“Unfortunately, Grace… just like us, that kid was born into poison. But, look at how good for her you are, and how good for you she is… And yet… you still hold on to me. Why can’t it be all of us? Working together and healing together? Why can’t I worship you and love Hazel, too?”

“Because I already made the mistake of trusting you and it went miserably! It’s still affecting me, to this day!”

“I know. It maybe always will, just like your parents always will, just like things that will happen between you and Hazel eventually will. Everything in our lives affects us in different ways and I affected you in a really bad way when I knocked you off of your pedestal..”

“It was YOUR pedestal! I never ASKED you to be that person! Then, I had to try to fill shoes that I didn’t even want!”

“But you want them now. Tell me that you don’t want me to faithfully follow you, to do whatever you ask, to atone through my acts for you. Tell me in honesty that you didn’t mean anything by telling me what you told me, and I’ll leave you alone.” They were both silent for a while, then she heard him exhale, relieved. He knew he was right. “Grace… I won’t hurt you again. I swear on everything that we could be together.”

“I’ll… see where you’re trying to go with… whatever you’re doing right now. But, we can’t just go back to normal, Si. Sometimes, just the thought of your face enrages me. Sometimes, I want to visit you JUST to punch you in the gut. We’re not gonna be just okay, even if we work at it.”

“Okay. That’s better than nothing. I had a mom who attacked me every time she saw me. You have no idea what I’m willing to go through to be close to you.”

“Therapy. We should… engage in at least combined therapy, and that’s before jumping to any conclusions that we’re going to be friends again or whatever. Also, I need to talk to Hazel, to see how she feels about you and even the idea of us reconciling to restore friendship for real.”

“She approves,” he said. “She thinks her mom OUGHT to be worshipped.”

“I know you didn’t talk to my baby about this.”

“I asked her for your hand in worship.”

“Ugh. STOP TALKING. I’m gonna… give you a little bit of space while I speak to Hazel and my team.”

“I’m going to continue what I was doing.”

“Are you… sure you’re okay?”

“I feel like you’re trying to ask me about my mental health. I’m fine. I’ve started even seeing a grief counselor that my therapist suggested, for the situation with my mom. I’m going to ask him about a couple’s therapy plan, since that’s important to you. My most recent meds are agreeing with me. I promise… I’m not having an episode, just further epiphany. I want you to have what you were content to have before… do you remember?"

"No. I barely remember my order at my favorite Ethiopian food place."

"You had a wonderful person that you loved and wanted to spend all of your time with.” She vaguely remembered that conversation now. It had been so many years… She didn’t know if she remembered the feeling. She remembered that she had been honest that day, but she honestly couldn't even place herself in the headspace of her 15 year old self. Of… 10-20, even. She had a rebirth at some point. That Grace was dead, as far as she knew and realized… but… she dared to presume, and hoped to guess… maybe that Simon was dead too. The things that they went through still happened, but only in an anecdotal retelling. The man on the phone… she HAD shared a portion of life with him, as well. A sit down, a death scare, recalling their past, birthdays, a sexually gratifying (less traumatizing) entanglement… He was correct. She hadn’t been able to let him go. There was no way to explain it, but if she was going to latch on anyway, they might as well make the most of it.

“Are you in New York?”

“Yeah.”

“Same place as before?”

“No, that was a rental, but same neighborhood.” She could tell he was smiling.

“IF my talk with Hazel when she comes home from school goes in your favor, we’ll stop by with a housewarming present.”

“I would like that.”

“IF Hazel feels safe with it.”

“You’re a lot more afraid of me than Hazel is,” Simon said.

“I’m older and wiser than her.”

“Ehhh… Definitely older.”

“WOW! What part of worship is you roasting me?”

“You told me that your definition is be super nice, get you stuff and go down on you whenever you want… so… I feel like I can make fun of you whenever appropriate.” She blushed. “But, you’re wise. Just… maybe not as wise as Hazel.”

“Speaking of… the trees and trying to set up quarters or whatever… that’s a bit much.”

“I don’t think it is. If we’re going to be establishing a new normal, she’ll have to have as much space in my home as she does in her own. When have you ever known me to half ass something important? You and Hazel are important.”

Grace held the phone tightly. It… mattered that he said that. Regardless of her reservations, of his probable episode, and the sheer amount of nonsense that her rep told her was happening. It mattered that he told her that she was important. That they were.

.

Hazel and Simon seemed to have been plotting on her. Hazel was a little too comfortable with the thought of them “being friends” with Simon, with the thought of group therapy, home visits and the like, and her saying, “I’ve lived life as a turtle. I don’t think Simon’s episodes are any more peculiar than that,” only made Grace feel guilty about her immediate thoughts - that Simon was having some type of meltdown. 

Now that she thought about it, those usually began with him feeling very bad, but that 16th birthday party… that particular whatever it was began with a similar mood - Simon hearing what he wanted to hear, doing too much for her, being very excited about things that had NOT been promised to him. “This is the 16th Birthday Party level meltdown!” Grace said, when it occurred to her. “Abort!” She said. 

Hazel looked around the shop and then at her, “Abort buying Simon a housewarming gift?”

“Yes! We… are gonna ghost him!” 

“No… We’re not gonna ghost him, because that will take a 16th Birthday Party level Simon and send him into a Pre Hospital level Simon.”

“I just…”

“Grace, do you think that I’m ever going to stop turning into a turtle?”

“Yes. You do it less and less as time goes on.”

“But, what if I don’t? Will you stress out and worry and treat me like there’s no hope?”

“Hazel, that isn’t the same thing.”

“Simon had some type of psychosis going on whenever you two were going through that. He’s spoken about visions of the Void, and you know for a fact that some of the delusions that he projected had no prompting from you. But, he’s been in therapy for a few years and on meds, and doing everything that he can to make amends and clear your name. I know that he’s the one who messed it up in the first place, but look…” She took Grace’s hand and traced a scar on it. “I look at this a lot.” 

“My old scar?” Grace asked, chuckling. 

“My old bite mark,” Hazel corrected her. “You never seem to think that I’ll bite you again. Simon was doing bad and you don’t have to forgive him or trust him, but if you never will, you should tell him that, not ghost him. And if you won’t forgive him or trust him, it would be better to return to the format of a clean, easy break. What do you think of this hedgehog planter?”

Grace smiled, “I don’t think that fits Simon.”

“I meant for me. He’s really cute. I can put some herbs or a little succulent in there…” 

.

Eventually, Hazel decided on a mini lamp shaped like a white cat. It didn't look like Samantha, but she liked it for her anyway. Grace bought an attachable bidet. Simon was at home, shirtless, in some pajama bottoms and slippers that looked like wolf feet whenever he heard the door. He threw on a tanktop and opened up. “Happy Housewarming!” Hazel cheered. She was holding a gift bag with tissue paper stuffed in it and she pushed it forward.

“Thank you, Hazel!” Simon said. He accepted it and Hazel walked in, immediately going to Samantha so that she could come see the gift too. Simon and Grace were staring at each other. He turned towards Hazel, “Wow… this is a really cool lamp. It’s gonna go well with things too, because everything in here will be white or earth tones. Like the rental, but like… MY style stuff. I’ll give you a tour.” There were boxes still unpacked in each room, all labeled as the room that they were. The only thing set up so far was his workspace, bed, and master bathroom. But, he told them some of his plans for other space and rooms… and he really HAD thought of everything that Grace would have tried to think of if making space for herself or Hazel… even if she WASN’T planning on them ever living here. Hazel was excited about the prospect of a “second home.” ‘WE should help you throw a proper housewarming!” Hazel cheered. 

“Who would I invite to that?” Simon wondered.

“Grace’s friends!”

“No!” Grace and Simon both said, then laughed. 

“My friends, then… and their parents,” Hazel said. Simon looked to Grace for confirmation. She shrugged her shoulders. “In the event that Grace does not have an opinion on the matter, the natural response should be to seek out my opinion.”

“Okay. Then, you do that, then.” He smiled and leaned against the counter as Hazel started speaking of her decorating plans and other party details.

“You are going to unleash a monster,” Grace said.

“You’re one to talk. She was spoiled whenever I met her. I’m just matching the kid’s energy. What’s that?” He nudged his head.

“Oh! It’s a bidet. Didn’t know if you had one or not…”

“I do not and I do need one, so thank you!” He accepted it and set it aside. 

“So… Can… we maybe move her tea set here? You’ve got A LOT more space than my place and it isn’t so far away that it’d be a huge jump to host her tea parties here, if that’s okay?” Grace looked at Simon and saw him processing this question. He looked like he didn’t want to get his hopes up, but also couldn’t shield his excitement.

“Hazel is perfectly welcome to move her tea party set here and her friends are welcome to throw them here, as well.”

“I’ll be here. It won’t be like… me leaving her with you.”

“That’s even more fun,” He said. “Do you need me to rent a moving truck to get it here?”

“No… I’ll handle that part.” So… there was still a level of distrust. But, this was still very big for him and he was going to count his blessings. “Come on, Hazel! We’ll be back around.” 

“Bye, Simon! Thank you for the amazing quarters!” He walked them outside and to the car. Grace was reluctant to hug him or anything like that, but she smiled and wished him good night. Simon watched her drive away and looked up at the stars. It didn’t matter if anybody was there or nobody was. Hazel and Grace had made a decision to give him a chance. He didn’t know yet what, but he wasn’t going to let either of them down.

Whenever Grace and I were younger I used to give her tribute. That was what it was called. It started really simple. She defended me against some bullies and after we took care of them, I snatched a couple of things, as souvenirs for her. Then I just continued to do that all the time. I began to do it on a daily basis. I convinced others to do it too. It was never an obligation. She didn't ask me to give her something. She didn't demand that others paid her tribute. I made a conscious decision that she was worth that offering. I spread word to others about it. It was an act of worship. I built her altar with my own hands. I molded her believers with my words. If you asked me back then she owed me everything. 

Fortunately now I know better. I'm older, I like to think I'm wiser. It was always I who owed her. I owed her for defending me. I owed her for befriending me. I owed her for lowering herself to my level, even if she just did it so she wouldn't be alone. I thought too much of myself. Convince myself that I deserved everything that she had been gracious enough to give me. I didn't appreciate the value of my riches in Grace. 

Life has a way of working things out that aren't meant to be. I was never meant to be the king. Always the servant… Trusted, certainly. But there for the sake of the one who mattered the most. I did everything in my power to be on top. When something isn't meant for you, you can't take it away from someone else. In the process of flying too high, I made myself have to fly solo. Grace had been the wind beneath my wings that made me fly as high as I was flying. Without her there I fell. I crashed. 

She was too busy trying to keep herself elevated. She didn't even really witness it - the way that life gave her back what she deserved while I plummeted. She moved on to things on her level. She had chosen me to come with her. I tried to replace her. Now she's soaring, and all I can do is watch from the ground. Proudly, certainly. But forever with the knowledge that I was once next to her, that I could have stayed there had I not tried to snip her wings…

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[meme-loving-stuck]

God I am with you on the makeup thing. Like, I have gone through feeling like I need it, and I hated it the entire time. I don't like feeling like I need to wear makeup to be attractive or presentable. Every now and then I do like to play around, but that's just for me, I like to mess around with what I look like, I don't like to change my face to be "better" or "acceptable" every single day. I don't have anything against people who DO feel that way, because it's not their fault! But I just get upset when people come back to any criticism of the makeup industry with "well makeup is art for some people! Not everyone wears it for the patriarchy!!!! They wear it for themselves!!!!!" Which yes I UNDERSTAND that but do you realize that when you argue this point you're just. Undermining the point you're trying to make?? You are usually just arguing against people who are saying that people, namely women, shouldn't feel OBLIGATED to wear makeup just to exist in the world and saying "Oh yeah?! Well SOME people DON'T do it because they feel obligated!" Which. Duh, obviously, the point is that people SHOULDN'T feel obligated to. I don't know where this was going originally, I'm sorry

Honestly Im glad you aren't sucked into all the madness. As an outside observer the whole thing is a weird pseudofeminist circlejerk imo... like they went from "FUCK being forced or coerced into wearing makeup to feel acceptable in our own bodies by society all my homies HATE being forced or coerced into wearing makeup to feel acceptable in our own bodies by society"

to: "ACTUALLY some women LIKE being coerced and told they're UGLIER without putting fake skin and lip paint and nose-thinning contour powder all over their faces SO MAKEUP IS A FEMINIST CHOICE!! IF YOU DON'T THINK SO YOU'RE A MISOGYNIST WHO WANTS TO TAKE WOMENS CHOICES AWAY!!1"

It's just like, you can tell it's coming from an unhealthy and Extremely Online place because of the recent rise in all the Hashtag Empowerment bullshit pushed by influencers, who literally EXIST TO SELL YOU MAKEUP AND THEREFORE IDEA THAT YOU NEED IT, and they just... ate it up. It's like equal parts internalized misogyny and consumerist brain rot. It's very sad.

The other big tell: the transition from one to the other. If you've been following it for as long as I have, you might remember when the now-pro-makeup crowd had set foot in a decent middle ground: "Don't tell a woman she CAN'T or SHOULDN'T wear makeup AT ALL if she enjoys it*"... that was something I could get behind...

*If it were always as simple as "it can be wanted WITHOUT being rooted in oppressive (and eurocentric but they conveniently ignore this now hmm wonder why 🤔) beauty standards that nobody can realistically fit", but it's not always. Hence why the people who used to argue against it are so adamantly for it now! They buy into the media of it all:

(tl; dr) Instead of "it's not feminist to tell women what to do with their bodies, whether that be to always wear makeup or never wear it" the argument is NOW, "It's #FEMINIST to wear makeup because being conventionally attractive is #Empowering!" (brought to you by someone who earns money from your insecurities)

And again. They just eat it up...