#having to fiddle with stats stresses me out so much

[bogkeep]

disco elysium update: i've started day 2, but i'm not particularly enjoying myself at the moment... i don't really know what to do or where to go, i feel like i have painted myself in a corner with failed checks and the only available options are ones i absolutely do not want to do. i find the mechanics confusing and overwhelming and i am feeling very discouraged that maybe if i had understood them better earlier, i would be getting somewhere. i want so badly to enjoy the story but it feels like it's going to take a lot of effort to like, get any of it :(((

HOWEVER i suspect that if i try again on a day i feel less headachey than today, and if i manage to find some kind of breakthrough that doesn't involve becoming a fascist, i will hopefully get back on track and feel a lot better about the game again. hopefully!!!!

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

[bokutosbubblebutt]

Chapter: Happiness || Teaser

——————

To be honest, it was really a miracle how you got there. You never expected that your parents would allow you to leave the house, to go outside, meet other people, start a life.

After never ending discussions, trying to find a compromise, they really said yes.

"We will try it a few months and if we are satisfied, if they can keep you safe, you can stay!"

You never felt more happy in your entire life. You finally could go outside, start a life, meet people, make finally friends and maybe even fall in love. Something you had dreamt about since you started reading.

Even though there was a high chance of being forced to go back to your place, the place that was supposed to keep you safe from every injury possible, you tried to make the best out of it. Even though there was a high chance of getting hurt and accidentally killing yourself, you tried your best to enjoy it.

Nervous but excited you were standing in front of your new teachers office, Mr. Aizawa. You already read about him in a superhero blog. He was the one, who could easily erase the quirks of his enemies and then capture them with his weapon. Pretty impressive, in your opinion. Simple but very effective.

It was really early in the morning. The classes usually start around 8:20 and it was 7:30 now. Already a bunch of people came across your way. You greeted everyone nicely and smiled at them but they all seemed to be in a hurry and stressed. Well, it was the first day of a new school year and taking care of such a big school with so many future pro heroes must be really complicated.

The school. Overwhelming! The campus was gigantic and had so many buildings, grounds and areas. You barely ever left your house, so it happens that you even got overwhelmed by only visiting the shopping center sometimes. Such a big place with so many different individuals made you panic a bit, and since you weren't used to being surrounded by people, you may suffered from social anxiety but the excitement and your curiosity made you gladly forget about it.

Your only concern right now was that you just tried to not get lost in here.

The whole atmosphere was completely different than at home. Here, it made you feel free like living an exciting life full of many people and different activities. At home, it was like a constant feeling of not being yourself or more like not knowing yourself.

And it smelled different here. It smelled like something sweet and dangerous, but quite serious as well. The sweetness definitely came from a lady that walked past you a few minutes ago. You recognized her immediately by her hero costume. It was the pro hero Midnight. For some reasons you've always looked up to her. She just always did what she wanted, not caring about what others think or tell her, sometimes you wish you could be like her but no, not in your situation.

Nervously you stared at the ceiling, trying to count the blue and white stripes on the metallic plates and not taking care about the things that happened around you. The counting helped you focus on one thing and made you forget about your nervousness.

"You need to go to Mr. Aizawa as well, right?" a deep voice made you snap back to reality and loose your concentrated trance.

A tired looking boy with really dark circles under his eyes was staring at you, scanning your appearance. He looked pretty buff and intimidating at the first sight. His indigo hair was standing up in all directions and made him look really tall. Awkwardly he turned his body towards the door and back to you.

"No taking?" He asked again and stared confused at you. The boy tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. Again his eyes scanned your body. Since you fiddled with your fingers the whole time, your hand caught his attention. A scar was going down from your middle finger to your wrist.

He had never seen you before. He would remember such a sick looking girl. You were really skinny and pale. You had completely grey eyes and light grey, almost white, hair, which stopped straight above your shoulders. Your whole appearance was ghost like and, to be honest, kinda sad. You looked so skinny, your cheekbones clearly defined, a big gap between your legs and like it would only take one little blow, probably just a little refreshing wind in the summer, to make you fly away. If you had a little bit more meat on your body, you would look prettier, he thought but that was just his opinion.

Perplexed you looked at him in shock, still not fully realizing what he just said to you. He's going to be the first person you ever had spoken to besides the people your parents hired and your online friends. He is the one, the first one.

"Uhm, no, I mean yes. I-, I am just nervous. Birfst, I mean first big day, you know."

you stuttered awkwardly and blushed in embarrassment. Amused the boy smirked and leaned back against the wall.

Great, the first sentence and you immediately fucked up, you thought. He probably must now be thinking that you are stupid and not able to speak, great.

Again you were staring at the ceiling, counting how many stripes the pattern had to make you forget about what a nervous wreck you actually were right now and he was silently watching you. Again he was trying to remember the person who was standing in front of him, trying to find out if he had seen you before but such a sick and sad looking girl was someone, he definitely would remember.

After waiting some more minutes the door suddenly opened and a man with long black hair and eyes that looked like they would fall shut every second, was standing in the door frame. Mr. Aizawa.

"Come in" he said and walked back into the room.

The boy turned around and walked into the room as well. The office was really messy and many stacks of papers were laying around. It smelled like coffee in here and the morning sun heated up the air, making the little dust particles that were floating around able to see. It was this kind of mixture that gives you a headache if you stay in here for too long.

„You two are the only one who are going to transfer to Class 2-A." he explained and sat down at his desk, trying to find something.

Both Class 2-A? The boy must be one of your new classmates then, you thought. You just hoped that he's not one of those school bullies, who make fun of others, will steal your money and put you into the toilet like you already have read about in some books. 

„I already filled out your forms and put them together in your folder. The only thing you need to do, is designing your hero costume but I can't find the sheet for it right now. I'm gonna be right back. Please go trough it and check if we missed something" he handed you your folders and then went through another door.

Your folder was pretty thin if you compare it to the other one. Well, obviously because there was not much information about you so far. Only your stats like height, weight and birthday and of course a description of your quirk.

Quickly you read through everything and checked if there were any mistake and surprisingly there was one. Just a small one but still something you better don't forget.

Curious you were eyeing the other folder and tried to read the boys' stats. After he went to the next page, you finally could read some single words if his quirk description.

"Your quirk is brainwashing?" you suddenly asked and smiled at him in excitement. „How cool! You must be pretty powerful with that, hu?"

Shocked the boy looked at you because he didn't expected you to speak so loudly. He thought you were more shy and quiet, your appearance didn't matched how you talked.

„Uhm, not really." he answered and closed his folder.

„I think it's a pretty cool quirk. How does it work?" you asked the next question and turned your body towards his, grabbing the arm rests of your seat.

„If someone answers me I can activate it." he explained and put the folder back on the desk, still shocked and not knowing how to act.

„But you can control when you activate it or not?"

He simply nodded and looked at you.

„My name is Y/N L/N but you can call me (Nickname). Nice to meet you!" you laughed with a big smile and offered your hand to shake it.

„I'm Hitoshi Shinsou, nice to meet you."

———————

So this is the first chapter of one of my stories I am currently writing on Wattpad

It’s called Chapter: happiness

If you liked the first chapter and are now interested in what’s going to happen next, here’s the link

[script-nef]

Fluff alphabets | Kageyama Tobio

Others: Hinata, Oikawa,  Tsukishima

Category: fluff

Affection: How affectionate is he? How does he show affection?

It depends on the location but he’s generally very affectionate and loving. 

Not so good on the “confessions of love” or “love serenade” front but expresses them through little things he does for you.

Like picking up your favourite snacks on the way home or trying to teach you volleyball so you understand what’s happening when you visit his matches or practices. When you look into his eyes, there’s nothing but desire and love for you.

Baby: Does he want to start a family?

He wouldn’t mind and leaves the decision to you.

He’s not all that good with kids but there’s no doubt that he would try his best to be a great dad for his children.

*spoiler alert* So you know how his parents weren’t around all that much in his childhood? He doesn’t want that for his babies. He’ll make sure to be involved in his children’s lives and be as attentive as he can be. And hopefully play some volleyball with them.

Although to do that, he wants to put them off for a while because he’s currently incredibly busy as the best setter in Japan. He’s also thinking of you because you’re successful in your career right now and doesn’t want to take that from you.

Cuddles: Does he like cuddling? How often does he like hugging?

Poor boy is touch-starved and intends to never have you feel the same way.

Hugs you whenever he sees you: after matches, returning home, watching movies, cooking dinner and on and on and on.

He would rest his head on your shoulder or head and squeeze tightly. Or sometimes fiddle with your hair. And hope that you understand how much he loves you through these small acts of affection.

Date: What is a typical date?

It’s usually watching movies/TV shows or teaching him cooking. Since he’s entire childhood was volleyball-based, he missed out on classic shows like Doraemon, Pokémon and animes. So you try to help him become educated.

The food front is abysmal. There’s a theory that when he was born, his volleyball stats were maxed but everything else was sacrificed in its stead.

Other times it’s going shopping because he has an absolutely terrible fashion sense or doesn’t try at all. Everything is either black or grey so you try to give him some colour which works out perfectly because hello? Japan’s next top model is ready to be contracted over here. Effortlessly beautiful and catches everyone in the shop’s attention.

Experience: How much has he dated before? How does that reflect in this one? 

You’re Kageyama’s first significant other!! *party blowers and confetti*

He was incredibly clumsy and confused when it comes to dating and being a boyfriend, but years of practice helped him. He regularly asked for what you wanted and expected from him and did his best to achieve that. And now he can understand your moods from the smallest signs.

He didn’t understand boundaries very well but as soon as you say something like “please stop”, he immediately leaps back and apologises. And he remembers what he did wrong so he never does it again.

Fight: Do you fight often with him? How does it usually end?

Fights don’t happen often and even then, it ends pretty quickly.

He can’t concentrate on anything if he knows you’re mad at him and tries to understand anything he did wrong to make sure those kinds of arguments never happen again. He goes around asking everyone for their help and opinion on the matter and tries to find the fastest way to fix the relationship.

If you did something wrong, he doesn’t back up. No matter how much he loves you, you have to apologise if you’re the cause. He is quite stubborn when he knows he’s in the right.

Gentle: How does he treat you?

In the beginning, he barely even held you because he didn’t understand how his strength should be adjusted for you. Slight paranoia of “what happens if I hurt them?” crept into his mind.

So when you asked if he didn’t like physical contact, he panicked and confessed his predicament. You laughed and said “I’m not a glass doll. Besides, if you don’t try, are we going to stay in this relationship with no touching at all?”

So after months of careful and tentative touches, he got a hang of it and is now completely gentle whenever he initiates physical contact.

Hand: Does he like holding your hand? How often?

Kageyama is fascinated by the size difference between your hand and his.

Holds your hand as frequently as he can and fiddles with your fingers. Often interlaces his fingers with yours and loves how your hand fits perfectly into his.

Impression: What was your first impression of him?

Not that great (Feat. Death glare and lack of vocabulary)

You visited one of his matches in high school and caught him just glaring at you with the most piercing eyes. It made you think “Does he hate me or something? I’ve never even spoken to or seen him before!”

Needless to say, it threw you off and made you kind of avoided him whenever you went to their matches. He was secretly dejected when you would slip away from his sight. He was just staring at you because you were so radiant and beautiful that it took his breath away. 

Thankfully, after talking to the third years, the misunderstanding cleared and you started hanging out with him. 

Jealousy: Does he get jealous easily? What sets him off?

He doesn’t get jealous easily because he trusts you and knows you love him with everything you have like he does for you. 

Rare occasions where he gets annoyed is when you become a fan of other setters and praise them for their skills. He’ll sulk and say “I’ll beat them all so you can see I’m the best.”

Kiss: Is he good at kissing? When does he kiss you?

His kisses are soft but pretty long. Just spends the entire time pressing his lips against yours and doesn’t even dare to do more than that. 

If you want to do deeper than that? Then you gotta start it, because this boy is too scared of making you feel uncomfortable. 

Love: Who said “I love you” first? And when does he say it?

You. Definitely you. This boy was seriously too shy when the relationship started to give away anything.

He immediately replied “I love you too” once you admitted it.

Nowadays he says it before falling asleep, whispering against your ear.

Memory: What’s his favourite memory with you?

The first “date” you had with him, when he came over to your house for a tutoring session. You weren’t going out back then but it’s one of his most treasured memories.

It was his first time being alone with you and he thought about how perfect you were. How patient and understanding you were even though he couldn’t comprehend anything.

It was also the day he learned the most about you through your chatter after the session.

Nickname: Does he give you a nickname? Do you have one for him?

You have some for him like Blueberry, Prince Charming (in exchange for the King of the Court), volleyball dork and so on

He doesn’t have any for you. He prefers to call you by your name because he thinks it’s beautiful and most importantly, it’s your name. Would shorten it but he never calls you that in public. Our boy is too shy //^//

Open: How open is he about his feelings?

The weird thing about Kageyama is that once in private, he confesses his feelings for you like it’s a fact. No hesitation, no embarrassment, just his overwhelming love for you. In fact, it makes you blush a lot because of how unashamed he is.

But if someone else asks him about his feelings for you, he clams up. Sometimes he even refuses to look at the person and hides his face because of how red it became. He can eek out an incredibly quiet “I love them” and that’s it.

PDA: Is he fine with PDA? How far can he go?

He’ll turn into a flaming blueberry but tries to do it if you want to.

His limit is kissing on the lips. Hugging and hand-holding is “okay” but the edges of his ears will be tinged in red and hot to the touch. If you initiate the kiss, he becomes unresponsive and needs to rest for a while.

If someone manages to snap a shot of you two kissing and upload it for the world to see, he’s never going to live it down. He’ll be so embarrassed but also happy that the world can see how much he loves you.

Quirk: Habits or something he does which is unexpected?

He gives you manicures.

You asked him once when he was taking care of his nails and he responded with “do you want me to do yours?” and boom your nails have never looked better.

Does his best to make yours amazing and neat as possible, working at each cuticle with Bobby Fischer intensity. It’s to the point where you have to push his head away and say “Sweetie, your face is a centimetre from my nails.”

Expands his skills to painting as well. How he found the time, you will never know.

Relax: What activities do you do with him to relax?

Taking naps together. Kageyama runs on a tight and strict schedule which stresses him sometimes, so the best thing you can do with him is to take afternoon naps.

Just talk or sing quietly and he’s out like a light. He demands you sleep cuddled with him even if it’s in the blazing heat of summer. Even bought 2 fans to convince you that you would be fine while snuggling him.

Support: How supportive is he of your dreams? What do you do for him?

No matter what you do or what you want to do, this boy is there to back you up and encourage you every step of the way. Will try to help you even with limited knowledge with your work and tries not to bother you when working.

He loves it when you come to his matches and cheer him on. Every time he scores a point or sets a really good toss he turns to you at the end of the rally. Whenever you smile and wave to show your support he gets these explosions in his chest and it keeps him going no matter what.

Talk: What does he like talking about?

Most of his talk would be about volleyball (of course) or you.

Everyone knows he loves volleyball with his entire heart and most of his social life revolves around it. But for the first time in interviews or when chatting with fans, he would finally say something from his personal life if it has to do with you.

To you, he recounts all the things he did that day and how much he missed you when he comes back home.

Umbrella: What’s their favourite weather/season?

Kageyama likes cold winter days, preferably when it’s snowing. It’s the best when he wakes up with you and sheets of snow are covering the roads. 

Making sure you’re warm, wearing hats and gloves, he would build snowmen and get into snowball fights with you. Due to his infuriating athletic prowess, he always wins and leaves you soaked from head to toe.

“Why cover me in all these layers if you’re going to drench me with snowballs?!” 

“You’d get hypothermia if you don’t though.” (lmao does he even know what hypothermia is)

But he makes up for it with cuddles and hot chocolates

Vaunt: Does he like showing you off?

Not really. He doesn’t hide you from the world or deny that he’s dating anyone because he’s so proud of you and this relationship which impacts him in more ways he can express.

But at the same time, he doesn’t want your privacy to be invaded and therefore doesn’t give out personal information like names. He does, however, share bits like “they got a promotion” or “We tried painting together. It didn’t end well.” The viewers understand the extent of his love for you when they see him smile when talking about you. 

World: Where does he take you for vacation?

He doesn’t really care for vacations but knows you like them. That’s why he listens and writes down all the places you said you want to go to, even if it’s in passing. Like Sapporo during the Snow Festival or the beaches of Okinawa. Paris or Hawaii.

And even places which he thinks you might like from all your previous comments and remarks.

X-ray: What happens when you’re injured or sick?

If it’s a physical injury, he knows how to take care of it due to his years of playing volleyball where he came into contact with tons of athletes getting hurt. Like sprains, pulled muscles, bruises and cuts—he’s got it under control.

If you’re running a fever, then he’s a bit more panicky. Searches up how to take care of someone who's sick and reads so much even though he might not understand all of them. Tries and fails to cook some soup or porridge but brings you lots of tea and medication.

He tries his best not to get injured or sick because he knows you’ll worry and doesn’t want to burden you :( But loves it when you nurse him.

Yearn: How much does he miss/pine for you when apart?

Because of his and your work, mornings and afternoons are spent apart and he doesn’t like it one bit, not at all. He’s always thinking about you and is restless if he doesn’t see or hear from you. 

But he also doesn’t want to be overbearing or controlling. So he waits for you to contact first most of the time. If he’s had a bad day, then he’ll call you first.

Checks up on you a lot by messages and calls, receiving looks of surprise from all his teammates. He loves it when you send him videos of yourself telling him to cheer up and endure the time apart.

ZZZ: Does he have sleeping habits?

He’s a calm sleeper and doesn’t really move around when snoozing away. Tossing and turning, sure, but nothing more than that.

Besides, he’s pretty much anchored in place with you in his arms.

[shadowofthelamp]

Best-Laid Plans

Yes, I have been inspired by the Zib/Number 2 content, why do you ask? Technically canon-compliant with issue 49, I think? I tried, at least. Again, Zib is referred to as ‘Dib’ since it’s kinda third-person limited with his thoughts influencing the narration and he really didn’t seem to like ‘Zib’.

Read on ao3

Wordcount: 970

Warnings: Mind control, mentions of Zib killing off some of the Zims.

Likes/comments/reblogs all super appreciated!

He’d tested it, of course. A few times, on a few Zims near the bottom of the hierarchy. Zims no one would miss, like the one that had some kind of glitch in his Pak that kept him perpetually laughing, or the one that had at some point become flattened like paper. Most of them ended up frying from the prototype virus and picked for parts before being thrown out the back. He’d have quite a pile of corpses if it wasn’t for the fact that he usually burnt them to avoid the smell. 

Not that roasted irken was much better, but at least it faded with time.

Now, though, it was working like a dream. The new 100 (how on Earth had he made it to 100, packing peanuts, really?) and his little Dib and the pathetic little baby-Zim and fish-Zim had been sent away. He briefly considered letting the other version of himself in on the plan, but- no, he was certainly a slipshod Dib if he’d even been pulled in by the signal. He needed only the perfect- failure was not an option.

“Number two.” He paced around him, worn boots making barely a sound. He’d have to send a Zim into a different universe to get him some more before ordering detonation, he was starting to get sick of how his feet slid around inside the leather. 

“Yes, oh glorious Dib?” His voice had the tones of Zim, but all the personality stripped aside, making room for Dib like he could slide down that frame and fill him from the inside out with his perfect, perfect, plan. His perfect self. A mirror with just the face of a Zim.

“Who do you obey?”

“You, your brilliance.” Two stared straight ahead, and Dib circled him again, examining every inch and popping his Pak legs to get a better look at Two’s face as a grin spread across his own. Heat ran through his head, rattling and boiling the blood around his brain, but he was used to that by now.

“Yes, I am brilliant, aren’t I...?” His eyes squinted. “I thought there might be more... visible markers. Your Pak’s glowing blue, but otherwise, you look like yourself.” There was a gentle slope to Two′s face, but the stress and manic energy were gone. Moldable, pliable, the shines of his eyes shifting ever-so-slightly as he followed Dib’s gaze. “I got all the bugs out, then. That works in my favor, though, since they won’t suspect a thing. They’ll all be dead by the time they realize.”

“Of course, Number One.” Two turned his head slightly, and Dib jolted- he hadn’t directly commanded him to do that. “Your plan is perfect.” He blinked slowly- much slower than most Zims. Most Zims were utterly manic, back and forth and back and forth, loud and brutal and dangerous, but Two- Two had always worshiped him. Maybe even more than the rest. It had been nice, to be admired so heavily. Two had adored the personal attention when he was turned into an errand boy.

Dib might miss him.

He shook that thought out of his head, gripping both sides of Two’s face with his index finger and thumb, nails (not claws, they weren’t claws) digging into the cheeks. 

“You belong to me.” Two didn’t respond, and Dib dug in a little further.  Irken skin was thicker than a human’s, with a single drop of pink blood oozing over Dib’s fingernail and leaving a barely-perceptible damp trail. “Respond. Who do you belong to?”

“I belong to you, Number One.” It almost looked comical, how he spoke a bit muffled with Dib squeezing his cheeks, like a fish. Dib released, withdrawing his Pak legs. He should just go sit down by the computer. Two was going to wipe out an entire universe of irken scum. He was a Zim, that kind of honorable death was more than he deserved.

He was taller than Dib. Why was that thought sticking in his brain so much? He resisted the urge to pop up on his Pak legs again to assert his authority- he needed to be clear-headed for this. Two’s only motion against his programming was to praise Dib- it must have been a subroutine he’d half-forgotten from an earlier version of the code, and certainly was nothing to worry about. 

Perhaps he was just sentimental because Two had been useful these past few months? In the marginal sort of helpfulness that any sort of wide-eyed errand boy could be. Yes, that made sense. It was the same way a person could miss a particularly worn household appliance. Humans weren’t really meant for months and months of solitude, he was merely projecting some of that onto the Zim he’d interacted with the most. He’d probably do the same to a broom with a face on it. It was better to get rid of him to nip this in the bud, he had a lot of Zims to get through.

“Two.” He tapped his fingers on the side of his thigh. “Who do you belong to?”

“To you, my wonderful Dib.”

“What do you want?”

“To serve you, my masterful Dib.”

He crossed the room to settle down in his chair, fiddling with the buttons before opening the portal. Two couldn’t see him anymore, and Dib could only hear the faint hum of the electronics around him. 

“You understand the plan.”

“I am to make my way to the Tallest and then deliver the virus, destroying every trace of irken filth from the galaxy.”

“Good. Good, good.” His fingernails clicked as he tap-tap-tapped them on the console. “Go.” 

Ozone crackles hung heavy in the air and Dib could taste salt as the portal closed behind him and the tracking stats began.

Showtime.

[thislassishooked]

CS January Joy Day 2

Whew, I almost didn’t make it. I actually didn’t see my name on the list until New Years Eve, but somehow I was able to churn this out in two days. I’m so excited to share this little story because it gives my readers a peek into my life. I am a medical laboratory scientist and this is sort of what I do on a daily basis, minus the hot doc and precocious Henry. Thank you @csjanuaryjoy​ for hosting this event again this year. Enjoy!

AO3

Summery: Emma doesn’t like visitors to her laboratory at Storybrooke General Hospital, but somehow finds herself making an exception, albeit reluctantly, for the hospital’s new attractive, accident prone, infectious disease physician.

He could hear the music from the adjoining hallway. The smile that spread from cheek to cheek was not due to the catchy, nineties pop music coming from the laboratory, but the woman who was, no doubt, dancing and singing along, oblivious to his impending approach. It wasn’t until he reached the barely propped door that he caught the lyrics, sung from Swan’s own lips.

“Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, get up now, wake up now!”

Killian felt his heart swell at the thought that just maybe the song wasn’t a coincidence, that perhaps she had chosen it on purpose. He hoped she had chosen it on purpose. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that every time he heard the music from Swan Lake, his mind would unwittingly conjure an image of Emma’s glorious green eyes. When it came to Emma Swan, Killian was most definitely fucked, and not in the good way. He was sure she didn’t return his affections, all scowls and eye rolls, and to make matters worse, he always made a bloody fool of himself in her presence. Gone was his swagger, his vocabulary, his god damned dignity.

He nudged the door further open and his jaw dropped at the scene before him. Emma was bent over her microscope, swinging her hips to the beat, somehow accentuating the curve of her perfect hind quarters in the not so flattering blue scrubs. The move was mesmerizing, seeing as she had to keep the upper half of her alluring body completely still. 

He must have been watching her for over a minute, knowing full well that if he didn’t make his presence known soon, he would definitely be approaching creeper status. Just as he pushed himself through the doorway, his scrub ties caught on the handle, making him yelp in surprise as his movement was suddenly halted, causing him to juggle the sample he was carrying, before thankfully catching it tightly in his grip while simultaneously scaring the living daylights out of Emma, if her startled scream was anything to go off of. Yet again, Killian Jones had made an utter fool of himself in front of Emma Swan.

---

January was Emma’s favorite time of year. The stress and loneliness of the holiday season had ended and her workload increased with every new case of the sniffles that walked through the hospital doors. The lab is where Emma was happiest, staring at sample after sample of blood, sputum, urine, etc., identifying the culprit and sending the results back to the doctors.

From a young age, Emma had excelled in science. Sometimes she would even catch her foster parents bragging to other parents that she had won first place in the science fair, but it never seemed to last. She would eventually end up back in a group home where finding any privacy to study was rare and frustrating. She didn’t bother making friends, choosing instead to read every science book she could get her hands on from the library. She hadn’t meant to read the huge copy of the Sanford Guide to Infectious Diseases, but after only a few pages she was hooked. Emma considered going to medical school, but ultimately decided she would be happier not dealing with patients. She really wasn’t much of a people person so she took the next logical step and focused on behind the scenes laboratory work, earning her masters degree in public health from Columbia University and snagging the medical laboratory scientists job at Storybrooke Hospital.

She had been at the hospital’s lab for two years when she learned that the resident infectious disease expert was retiring and his replacement was a Dr. K. Jones, a professor from London’s School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. She found it odd that a doctor with such an impressive resume would give up his or her fancy job in the UK, take such a pay cut and come to their sleepy little town.

She remembered the first time she met Killian Jones. She had strolled into her lab one morning to find a man with thick, dark hair fiddling with her electron microscope. When she cleared her throat, irritated that this stranger had had his hands all over her things, he swung around so fast that his hand actually knocked the petri dish from the stage and it splattered all over the floor. He had started sputtering out an apology while grabbing some cleaning supplies. She then watched in horror and admittedly a bit of amusement as things just got worse. He ended up spilling half a bottle of Clorox on the floor, then somehow proceeded to slip on the puddle and end up flat on his back in the pool, no doubt ruining his dark, form fitting clothes. She noticed as he laid on the floor groaning that dark scruff peppered his jaw, cheeks and upper lip. He threw his hands over the top half of his face, most likely out of frustration and embarrassment and when he spoke again, she noticed that he had an accent. An English accent. She made her way to his prone body and folded her arms as she got a better look at him. Her brain made the connection, seeing as no one without security clearance was allowed access to her lab, and was surprised that the British expat and her new colleague was so young.

“Dr. K. Jones, I presume?” Emma asked, trying to keep any hint of amusement out of her voice.

“Aye,” he confirmed, removing his hands from his face and Emma was instantly struck by the blue of his eyes, topped with thick, expressive eyebrows. She was right, he looked completely mortified. Something in his expression changed when he swept his gaze over her though and it made Emma feel exposed. She didn’t like visitors to her lab, only ever allowing her assistant Ruby to deliver Samples to her. Jones clambered to his feet while Emma continued to ruminate. “Killian Jones,” he clarified, offering his hand to Emma. She ignored it.

“Emma Swan,” she stated curtly. “For future reference, Dr. Jones, this is my lab and I value my privacy. My assistant will be in touch.” She turned from a speechless Killian, note to self, don’t ever call him that, and swept her hands in the direction of the door, indicating that he could use it to exit the same way he entered. He left without another word, but it would not be the last she saw of him, in her lab, messing with her stuff. Killian Jones was relentless in his pursuit to befriend Emma. He got deep under her skin by personally delivering every STAT sample, complimenting her on her work, and always managing to make a damn fool of himself while doing it. She feared her icy facade was beginning to noticeably melt.

---

Killian scratched that spot behind his right ear as Emma visibly deflated with that adorable head shake she gave him after every ungraceful mishap.

“Jones, I have asked you too many times to count for over two years to have Ruby deliver the samples.” She tried to keep her face stern, but Killian could see the tiniest crack of a smile at the corners of her soft pink lips.

“That you have, Swan, and I will continue to ignore your requests so that I may have the chance to see your smiling face every day,” he quipped while removing his scrub ties from the door handle. To his utter horror, as soon as he released his hold on the scrubs they fell to his ankles, leaving him in his dark blue boxers with little red anchors that probably matched the color of his face. Emma’s hint of a smile blossomed into a wide, amused grin. At least he succeeded in something today. He quickly hauled the bottoms back up his legs, setting the sample aside so he could retie them.

“Nice undies, Dr. Jones,” she snickered.

“Nice choice of music today, Ms. Swan.” She blushed at that. It really was the most adorable thing he’d seen all day. “While I would love to get snarky with you today, Emma, I’m afraid I’m here for a more serious matter.” Emma nodded for him to continue. He picked up the sample and carefully carried it to her workstation. “This sputum sample is from Henry Mills,” he explained as he handed it over to her. Her breath caught at the mention of Henry’s name. He knew she and the boy were close. Henry was the only visitor to the lab Emma welcomed with open arms. The lad had a knack for science and would often visit the hospital to learn as much about medical science from Emma or himself.

“What do you suspect it is?” she asked as she placed the sample on the stage and adjusted the lense.

“He said he cut his hand while playing in his castle at the playground four days ago and he’s experiencing gastrointestinal distress. He has a fever of 102 with chills, but what worries me most is the redness on the underside of his arm.” He could see Emma blanch as she focused on the sample. He was pretty sure what he was dealing with before retrieving the sample, he just needed Emma’s confirmation.

“Positive for staphylococcus aureus,” she said robotically. “Have you started him on antibiotics? Has he responded?” she asked frantically. Staph infections were pretty easy to treat ten years ago, but with the rise of antibiotic resistant strains, such as MRSA, they could be a death sentence.

“I’ve already ordered intravenous methicillin and we’ll know in about four to six hours if he responds. I’ll keep you updated.” Emma nodded as Killian turned to leave.

“Killian,” she uttered. He paused at the sound of his name and turned back to see her bashfully duck her head and tuck a loose strand of her golden blonde locks behind her ear. “Thank you,” she stated sincerely as her eyes met his. He nodded in response and left to rejoin Henry and his mother to deliver the disappointing news.

---

Emma made her way to the ICU, tears threatening to spill as she approached Henry’s door. Killian had diagnosed him with MRSA after he continued to decline with his first treatment. He had been admitted that night and started an aggressive treatment on a different antibiotic, but things were looking grim two days in as Henry’s condition worsened. His fever spiked at 106 just before he slipped into a coma. Killian started him on Bactrim, their last hope, three days ago, but he still hadn’t regained consciousness. The drug seemed to be working, his fever had dropped dramatically and his rash was shrinking, but the concern now was if he had suffered any brain damage. 

Emma spotted Killian leaving Henry’s room just as she came around the corner. He rubbed furiously as his eyes, let out a long sigh and trudged onward. She knew he hadn’t left the hospital since Henry had been unresponsive. The bags under his sad eyes were evidence that he was sleep deprived as was she. As promised, he had kept her informed, sending a nurse down to the lab with all the details so that he could stay by Henry’s side. She could no longer deny that she had very deep feelings for that man and she desperately missed his visits, as destructive as they sometimes were.

She pushed open the door to Henry’s room and was greeted with the sigh of the ventilator and occasional beeps indicating his heart was a least still beating. He looked so pale and still, a far cry from the lively child that had visited her a week ago. He had been so full of questions that day. She remembered he had wanted to know everything about mad cow disease. She let herself smile at the memory of his response when she told him it could only officially be diagnosed posthumously with a sample of the brain.

“Cool, do you have any samples in your cold storage?”

She explained that the condition was so rare, very few labs in the world had those kinds of samples. His disappointment was quickly forgotten when she let him look at some of the blood samples the phlebotomists had collected that day.

Henry had been regularly visiting her for two years, his first visit having happened just hours after the very accident prone Jones had made a mess of her precious lab. The precocious either year old had wondered in, not knowing that the lab was off limits. He reminded her of herself at that age and found that she was happy to satisfy his curiosity.

“Hi Henry,” she started lamely. “I have a bunch of new samples that I just know you’ll be dying to look at. I can’t wait to show you your own.” She could no longer hold in the tears. “You just need to get better, okay? Please, Henry, I don’t know what I'd do if you left me. You’re my only friend.” She thought that last statement over and realized that it may not be exactly true. Killian had inserted himself into her life, curiously on the same day as Henry, and she found herself looking forward to her time spent with both of them. 

She leaned down to give Henry a kiss on his forehead and as she was yanking on the heavy door to leave, Killian came crashing through, apparently not expecting the door to open itself. He must have been leaning his back against it because he was once again prone, on the floor, groaning from pain and frustration.

“I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t know you were there,” she said, putting down her bag and offering him her hand.

“It’s not your fault, love,” he assured her as he took her proffered hand. “I just can’t seem to keep it together when I’m in your presence.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, sometimes I find it kind of endearing.”

“Endearing…” he repeated as he brushed his hand down his front. She thought he was waiting for her to elaborate so she opened her stupid mouth and made it so much worse.

“Cute, I mean, oh god, I have to go.” She rushed out the door with the image of his shocked face ingrained in her memory. Now she was the one making a fool of herself in front of him. She escaped to her fortress of solitude to try to forget that ever happened.

---

Killian watched her disappear with new found hope in his heart. Perhaps his feelings weren’t so one-sided anymore. His face turned serious again when his eyes landed on Henry.

“She’ll never go on a date with me if I let you die, lad,” he said grimly as he approached Henry’s bed. He looked curiously at the brain activity reader and got the shock of a lifetime.

“She’ll never go on a date with you if you don’t ask her,” a little voice squeaked from below.

“Right you are, Henry,” Killian responded with a face splitting grin. He couldn’t wait to tell Emma. He proceeded to examine the boy, checking for any signs of brain damage. He was positive Henry suffered no permanent damage after listening intently as the boy prattled on about the different types of Ebola. “I’m glad you’re back, Master Henry.”

Killian gave the nursing staff instructions to call Regina immediately with the news then rushed down to the basement to give Emma the good news personally. His heart broke a little for the woman he loved when he realized there was no music coming from the lab. He could hear little sniffles coming from her office as he carefully entered the lab, keeping an eye on his scrub ties while also being vigilant of any other hazards. He knocked on her office door and got a somber “Come in.” Her eyes were wet and rimmed with red. She steeled herself, most likely preparing for bad news. Killian reached out his hand and caught a falling tear on her cheek with his thumb. He brushed the offending liquid away and smiled reassuringly at her.

“Don’t cry, my love. Henry is going to be back to his old ways in a matter of days.” Emma just stared at him, stunned for a moment. It was only then that he realized his mistake in calling her ‘his’ love, rather than just ‘love’. He was worried that he had gone too far this time, but she didn’t run. She schooled her features as she asked him a series of questions.

“He’s awake?”

“Aye.”

“No permanent damage?”

“Nope.”

“Good.” With that, she grabbed his collar and pulled his lips to hers, meeting them in a passionate embrace. It took his stunned brain a second to realize what was happening, but once it didn, he kissed her back fervently. His right hand shot up to the back of her head, holding her in place as his left pulled her midsection closer. She responded by threading both of hers through his hair, no doubt making a mess of it, but he couldn’t care less. His Swan was kissing him and by god, he never wanted it to end. She ran her tongue along the seam of his lips and he happily opened for her, meeting hers with his in a lover’s tango. Her appreciative moan gave him the courage to grasp her by her hips and raise them enough to set her on her desk. She voluntarily opened her legs to allow him space between them, letting out a guttural groan as their bodies met through the thin fabric of their scrubs. Killian really wanted to take this further, but knew that Emma would be anxious to see Henry and it probably wasn't the best location.

“Emma,” he muttered against her mouth. Emma responded with little kisses across his jaw and down his throat, igniting a fire in him that would be damn well near impossible to put out if she carried on like that. “Have mercy, Swan.” She chuckled against his thrumming pulse point then lifted her head just enough to rest their foreheads together.

“Thank you, Killian.” He pulled his head away only so he could look into her eyes that shone so much brighter than they had in the past week.

“For what, love?”

“For saving Henry’s life. And,” she seemed to hesitate, but continued after he gave her an encouraging grin, “for not giving up on me.” He knew this was his chance. It was now or never.

“Will you go out with me?” he asked sincerely. Emma’s answer was in the form of another kiss, soft, sweet and slow this time. She pulled away so she could hop off the desk, threading her fingers through his as she did.

“Pick me up tomorrow at eight?” Killian pulled their entwined hands up to his lips to place a kiss just above her knuckles.

“Aye, it’s a date.”

Emma strolled out of her office and toward the exit of the lab, excited to see Henry, all the while singing to herself. This time, Killian knew the song was meant for his ears.

“Doctor Jones, Jones, calling Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, get up now,”

“Wake up now,” Killian supplied.

[whumpschild]

Parties are fun untill you drink something funny. ..pt 2..

The ambulance rushed down the highway as Tyler’s condition started to decline. Two medics tended to Tyler, hooking wires and monitors to his chest.

“Temp is 102 and rising,” the paramedic said. The words had come out of her mouth so casually yet the second Ramin heard that his heart dropped like a bag of rocks. If his temperature could rise that much in just a few minutes he didn’t even want to think about the state he might be in in a few more. The rising fever also confirmed his fears that Tyler had been poisoned at the party.

Ramin started to bite his nails out of nervous habit and leaned over the stretcher to look at Tyler. That’s when he heard it, Tyler was starting to wheeze as the stress on his body had apparently triggered an Asthma attack. It was so quiet the medics couldn’t hear it under the sirens. They were still attaching things to Tyler, more concerned about getting his vitals, and had yet to administer oxygen. Ramin’s eyes widened in horror, wasn’t that one of the first things they should do?

“H-hey he’s wheezing! He needs air!” Ramin stuttered.

“What?” One of the medics asked looking confused. He was already holding an oxygen mask in one hand, ready to connect it to the supply.

“Asthma, Tyler has asthma,” he told them.

Upon hearing that, the medics started to work faster. The man fit the mask to his face while the female paramedic squinted at a monitor. “O2 stats are dropping, get the air flowing now.”

“He needs medicine for it, he has an inhaler.” Ramin insisted.

The woman looked at him with sympathy, “Please stay calm, sir. His oxygen level is low but not yet at a dangerous level. We’re not qualified to give that type of medicine but we’ll tell the ER doctor to administer a bronchodilator as soon as we get to the hospital.” While her voice was steady and confident Ramin saw a hint of concern in her eyes as Tyler’s blood oxygenation didn’t improve despite their efforts.

“Matt, you’d better be going as fast as you can up there!” the first medic said and the driver started to pick up the pace.

Tyler faded in and out of consciousness. He didn’t know where he was, all he knew was that he felt hot and suffocated. His heart pounded in his chest and his muscles shook slightly as a side effect of the medication he had taken for his asthma. Even with the oxygen mask, his lungs screamed for air. His handles fumbled around, trying to find the inhaler in his pocket but before he knew it, the stretcher was moving as they wheeled him out of the ambulance. There was an uncomfortable jolt as the first set of wheels hit the ground. Ramin trailed behind them as the paramedics wheeled him into the ER, passing him off to a team of nurses. Tyler felt hands all over his body but he wasn’t sure why anyone would be touching him. He was too out of it to care though. So much was going on around him as doctors darted in and out of his field of vision. They yelled frantically to each other but Tyler didn’t understand what they were saying. Eventually, it all faded away as he lost consciousness again.

—

A few days later, Tyler woke up. He was very groggy and had no idea what the hell was going on. He lifted his arm to rub his eye then heard his name being called by a familiar voice.

“Hey kid,” Ramin said with a warm yet tired tone.

“I ain’t no kid, ya quack…” Tyler sounded drunk as they had put him on drugs to help reduce his fever and flush the poison from his system. “Wha'er you doing in my room. You don’t have my apartment key,” Tyler blinked in confusion and looked around, “did you break in?”

“This isn’t your apartment Tyler…"

"What?” he asked cluelessly.

“You’re in the hospital,” Ramin said as he fiddled with his fingers. “Someone at the party tried to poison you with pesticides.” His voice grew serious.

“Wow, coOol. My first assassin attempt,” Tyler’s voice was weak but he smiled tiredly and said that with the enthusiasm of a small child. Ramin facepalmed himself so hard it kind of hurt.

“No Kid, not coOol, you could have died,” He snapped. Although Tyler wasn’t really the person he was upset with.

“Died? Haha, now I can hang out with the ghosts in my apartment.”

“What do you mean there are ghosts in your apartment?“ A voice said from the doorway of Tyler’s room. It was Jared. He had been coming by for the past four days to visit Tyler on his lunch break. Tyler somehow sobered up enough to realize that Jared had seen him in the hospital, which meant that he had seen him in a vulnerable state. The last thing Tyler wanted was to appear weak in front of Jared. As he slowly sat up, it revealed his incredibly messy hair and Jared couldn’t help but laugh at the situation.

"Hey man!” Jared said excitedly as he made a light jog towards Tyler’s bed.

Tyler’s purple eyes were droopy and tired-looking as he smiled at him. Now that Jared was there, Ramin took that as his cue to leave, allowing them to catch up. He mumbled about something he had to do at the office on his way out. Jared sat on the edge of Tyler’s hospital bed and caught him up on everything he had missed over the days he was in the hospital. Saving the best news for last, Jared was happy to tell him that the person responsible for poisoning him got arrested yesterday.

Tyler scrunched his eyes shut and waved his hand in a ‘slow down’ gesture. “You mean to tell me the guy that tried’a kill me is the frickin serial killer?!”

“Yes, the one you were chasing after,” he told him. Tyler stared at his hands in shock as he just now realized what some people were capable of. Ramin was right, this wasn’t something to joke about. Knowing that the killer had been arrested did little to calm his nerves. For the first time since he took this job, Tyler really questioned what he was doing and the potential danger that it might bring him. Jared continued talking, smiling through a wild explanation of how they had caught the guy. Tyler tried to smile too but it came out as more of a grimace. He had been poisoned. Some had tried to kill him. A shiver ran down his spine as he imagined what would have happened if the killer had been successful. His eyes trailed up to his friend and his heart clenched, Jared certainly wouldn’t be sitting here smiling at him. Tyler decided that after he left the hospital, he’d be a lot more careful.

[aahsoka]

So having been on tiktok for a bit I wanna talk a little about it.

What I like

It’s actually rather entertaining to scroll through up to 30 second videos one after the other. Sometimes the humor falls flat or it’s not your taste, but the algorithim is quite good at recommending the kind of content you will like.

I joined right when there was a big trend going around about sharing your culture, and soon after a Blackout trend where non-Black creators stopped posting for a day & spread/supported videos by Black creators. So I ended up with a fairly diverse fyp or “for you page”. It also quickly gathered that I am bisexual, so I get plenty of lgbt+ content. There’s some art mixed in there, some cosplay, some historical costuming/seamstresses, lots of avatar jokes lately, musical theatre content, fashion, girls in bikinis on rollerskates (in outer space), commentary on political issues, body positivity, all the kinds of stuff I like. To get a feed that caters to your interests you just have to watch & like videos you’re interested in & eventually it gets a feel for what you’ll watch and what you won’t.

Theres a trend where people say which ‘side’ of tiktok they’re on and I get ‘science side of tumblr’ flashbacks but I’ve mostly avoided the “straight” and conservative sides of tiktok. I would be considered a part of “woke”, “alt” (as in alternative) and lgbt+ tiktok (there are separate ones for each letter of the acronym). Possibly also “theatre” and “cosplay” tiktok. These categories are nebulous and you’re usually part of multiple communities; its just as arbitray as ‘science side of tumblr’ was.

The format reminds me of snapchat a little, and I love to talk to myself on video & post dumb thirst traps for my friends (none of which I’m attracted to so idk what my goal is there) and make stupid jokes. So this app is kinda perfect for my attention seeking side & hyperactive tendencies. Its very easy to consume on a short attention span, though not as easy as vine was.

Being in quarantine, its a way for a lot of people to engage in hobbies that involve community. Cosplay is pretty popular, as its a fun way to show off a costume & dress up & have fun without having to attend a convention. I enjoy the way lip synced audios can be used to emulate the character someone is dressed as; that’s something you couldn’t really do unless you were really good at impressions. Its a nice succinct way to show the process of creating a cosplay as well.

Those who enjoy theatre, but cannot perform in shows at this time, are able to create mini-monologues & sketches as well as sing parts of their favorite songs. Its an avenue through which to perform without putting anyone at risk of the virus. It’s also an easy way to show off your talents without having to go through the audition process & actually get cast in a show as a prominent enough role that someone will notice it.

It’s a convenient format for discourse and educational videos. Nice, short, easily digestible tidbits that stay in your mind. This extremely catchy song, for example: “Black neighborhoods are overpoliced, so of course they have higher rates of crime, and white perpetrators are undercharged, so of course they have lower rates of crime. And all of those stupid stats you keep using are operating off a small sample size. So, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up”.

As well as other videos where people take the time to explain historical events, satirize racist arguments to demonstrate why they are wrong, talk about prevalent tropes in movies, teach a few signs in ASL, share facts about their culture, etc, etc. I have found there are quite a lot of people there from unique and fairly unknown cultures and backgrounds- and this is a place where they’re able to share their culture & existence with people all over the world. There are a thousand different viewpoints. Their videos are doing far more for diverse representation than any other platform, I’d argue, as everyone is extremely visible on the app. (‘Their’ as in the creators, not the app itself).

I also have enjoyed coming across new artists on the app. It’s really fun to watch the process they go through, as most art videos deal with the whole creation of a piece. It’s inspiring. I have also come across a painter who’s work I’m in love with, and a woman who makes and sells the CUTEST ceramic mugs, and I need to purchase some stuff from them both.

Now onto the bad:

Unfortunately, the app doesn’t have much in the way of a filtering or warning system. I talked about that tiktok of the kids coming across human remains? That was just on people’s fyp. Just popped up. No warning. No reason for it to still be up. Traumatizing.

You can click on a video and say ‘not interested’ (I do this to literally every video I get where some girl is thirsting after kylo ren 🤮..... like I want the star wars videos just not THOSE videos). However, it doesn’t seem to know exactly why you weren’t interested, because I still get those videos from time to time. There’s no content filter where I can blacklist the kylo ren or any other hashtag.

There’s some very shitty content. There are racist conservatives. Misogynistic teen white boys. Really weird thirst traps. Videos where people lip sync to something with a straight face and tag it with #acting. Harmful body image trends. I thankfully stay very clear of this, but this kind of content makes me worry for the minors on the app. The one’s who don’t have enough of a concept of self yet to realize they don’t need to be able to do the newest pointless beauty trend to be beautiful, to realize it’s ok for them to be gay, to realize how predatory some adults can be, etc etc.

It is extremely easy to come across minors on the app who don’t look like teens. One time I went to a girl’s page and it said she was FIFTEEN. I’m usually good at guessing ages but something about this app messes that up. I wish there was a way to separate people under 18 and adults. Where I don’t have minor’s thirst traps popping up on my fyp. Where pedophiles don’t get a chance to curate that fyp intentionally. If anyone reading this has kids, I highly recommend they make their tiktok private or only viewable to friends.

Just like any site, there are plenty of bigots. Lots of racist comments. Plenty of transphobia. Any hatred you’ve seen elsewhere, of course it exists on tiktok. I have actually zero clue if you can report people & if it works. Most people seem to send a video commentary to their haters or duet a video of a racist pointing out their racism. I’ve heard of creators blocking people, however. I remember a tiktok of a Black woman who’s video somehow went fairly viral in Poland and now she gets a lot of racist comments from this large group of random racisf Polish followers she has and its extremely time consuming to block them all, as there’s no mass block feature.

The rumors about what works with the algorithm and doesn’t abound. I’ve heard well lit videos get more views. Many people suspect they have been shadowbanned for speaking out about current events. TikTok will remove the audio from videos sometimes if they deem it controversial enough. Most of us know they were criticized recently for intentionally keeping Black creator’s videos from being seen (a catalyst for the Blackout, actually). Or you may also recall when it was criticized for widely removing lgbt+ content. Those creators are fighting to be seen the same amount as straight cis white creators are allowed to be seen with no effort.

The effects some trends could have on teen girls. So many of them are already so uncomfortable in their own skin simply because of societal standards, but the absolutely meaningless challenges people come up with on tiktok make it so much worse. One trend was based around whether your finger touched your lips when you put it in your nose. Or if you could get your clasped hands around the back of your legs and over your butt (if they get passed, you have a flat ass, if they get stuck, its big). These completely arbitrary signifiers of the things you need to have in order to be pretty, are far more ridiculous that anything I have seen yet in my life. I worry about little girls taking these ideas to heart. There is a very kind body positive community on the app & I hope more people can find that.

There’s also that thing where they steal your data. Like most apps. But apparently they got a lot more invasive than usual, so I would look into it before making an account; if you want to do that.

I think the apps users can be great & its a pretty intuitive set up. It certainly deserves its popularity solely as a creative form of social media. That being said, its owners are so so insidious & do the worst things. Just like all other social media, its controlled by the worst kind of people. Who can never figure out how to effectively get rid of nazis or keep kids safe from adult content.

These are my less serious gripes with the app:

1) Lip syncing

When people lip sync and don’t do any kind of skit, joke, etc, just look as if they’re saying what someone else said; I hate that. I have to go back and find the original tiktok so I can like it instead. You literally did nothing interesting by ripping off someones audio and moving your lips along to it. So many people on this app are creative and so many others lack any semblance of creativity.

Also people are too easily impressed by lip syncing to kinda-fast songs. I lip synced to like....10 seconds of the devil went down to georgia and two people praised my lip syncing abilities. Like, I can also sing and talk fast, out loud, isn’t that more impressive? more skillful? The fiddle playing in that song is impressive, not the fact I can lip sync ‘the devil went down to georgia, he was lookin for a soul to steal, he was in a bind, cause he was way behind.’ Have you ever seen someone play Johnny’s fiddle solo????? It’s insane!!!

Rather than see someone lip sync to the verse in Stressed Out 2x faster than normal (which is, extremely simple and the song was overplayed and ingrained into our collective consciousness) and go WOW what about someone.....doing the verse out loud. You can litterally just mouth random words and look like you’re saying the right ones. It’s driving me crazy lmao. I’m set to become a God of tiktok because I have a repertoire of fast songs and rap verses memorized. It’s not even an uncommon skill to speak or sing quickly, people literally make rap music for a living! Listen to it maybe.

2) “Acting”

I am begging you to stop making me sit through those horrible POVs. I cannot take another girl not quite fake crying towards the camera as she lip syncs the words from a song that apply to the random situation she decided she was in. I cannot take another boy who thinks its sexy to stare into a camera and smirk in every single situation he creates.

Back to lip syncing, making facial expressions along to words isn’t really acting. Try saying the words out loud perhaps? The inflection you use with your lines is a pretty big part of acting. Like you can lip sync all you want, just stop tagging it with #acting.

3) Comedic timing, or lack thereof

You don’t need the entire intro to sit there looking at the camera waiting until the first line starts and you can lip sync to the part that’s the joke. You could cut off at least 15 seconds. Brevity is the soul of wit.

When your joke involves both reading text on screen and listening to the song for the punchline, if it isn’t done prefectly, its so difficult to follow. I can’t read a paragraph in 5 seconds. Paraphrase.

4) self deprecating artist audio

the audio thats like ‘this wont get views’ ‘I suck’ ‘you probably won’t see this anyway’ LOVE YOURSELF

It sucks when people dont enagage with your art but it sucks worse when your value in yourself and you art is based solely on receiving that validation. Please find a healthy medium.

Also you’re asking for pity, and you don’t want that. You want people who genuinely love your art for what it is.

5) editing videos is really hard how do you make such cool & smooth transitions????

please help me I don’t understand

Finally

here’s my account if you’re interested

[my-creative-hell]

Souls (FNAF au)

“This is fine…” Murmuring to herself quietly, Grave scrolls absentmindedly through the open app on her phone, eyes scanning over the moving colours and images as she does. Stopping her scrolling, a colourful ad stands out to Grave, advertising a job to be a night guard at a children’s pizza themed restaurant.

Sitting up in curiosity, Grave clicks on the ad, reading through it as it poops up larger, explaining that the pizzeria is looking for a full time night guard to ensure the security of the restaurant as well as the animatronics inside of it.

“That kinda sounds like a death trap… but I need money…” Grave ponders over the ad, weighing her options. “I guess its okay!” She reasons, clicking on the bright to find the location of the building. Reading through the ad, Grave gets out of bed as she see’s the address, which is close to where she lives, making it convenient for her.

Changing into a larger buttoned shirt, Grave moves out of her house, getting into her car as she sets up the route. Driving, it doesn’t take more than a few minutes before the building comes into view, bright and colourful as the ad.

“Time to play Death or Money, bitch.” Grave comments, stopping her car and exiting, wandering up to the establishment, which is closed for business, though she can see a managed tidying away inside.

“Hello?” Tapping her feet nervously, Grave keeps her voice low as she calls out to the manager, wanting to get their attention.

“Hello! Can I help you?” Jumping slightly at the sound, the manager turns to face Grave, a gentle smile on his face as he spots her.

“Yeah, I-I’m here for the job… the night guard thing.” Grave explains, smiling as she stumbles over her words.

“Oh, right! Well I’ve got some free time right now if you want to come in and chat.” The manager explains, moving out from behind the counter as he speaks.

“Thanks!” Grave exclaims, moving into the office with him as he sits in his chair, motioning for her to sit as well as she fiddles with her fingers excitedly.

“So, you wanna fill the position of night guard here?” He questions, smiling softly at Grave as he finds the advertisement for the job.

“Yeah, I-I do.” Grave explains, tapping her feet as she sits down, debating saying something else as she closes her mouth, deciding against it.

“Do you have any experience in these kinds of jobs?” The man questions, smiling kindly as he reads through the advert.

“Nope, but I’d like to learn.” Grave explains, shaking her head as she hopes she hasn’t ruined her chances.

“Well I think that’s fair. How available are you, since this is a full time night shift job.” He explains, smiling softly as he looks to Grave.

“I’m available all the time, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” Grave explains, smiling gently.

“Well that’s good. We haven’t had many applications for this job and I think you’re the most willing candidate thus far.” The manager explains, watching Grave as he smiles sweetly.

“I am?” Grave questions, feeling surprised as the man nods in confirmation, frowning slightly.

“Yup, considering some of the history surrounding this place a lot of people don’t want to work here.” He explains calmly.

“What do you…” Cutting herself off, Grave thinks her sentence through. “Nevermind, but how do I do this job? I-I don’t wanna mess up or anything.” Grave explains.

“Well, you will be set up in the office with monitors to watch over the entire building. Your job is to keep an eye on all the rooms using the cameras, and keep an eye on the animatronics.” The manager explains, voice calm and soft as he speaks.

“Oh, that sounds easy!” Grave exclaims, smiling as she wiggles happily in the chair. “Is there anything else I should know?” She continues.

“The animatronics… do wander around at night, they seem to have a night mode they go into? Just shut the doors to the office if they get too close and they’ll move on eventually.” The manager explains, frowning softly.

“Got it!” Grave exclaims, smiling despite feeling slightly worried by the manager’s words.

“You up for it?” He questions, smiling softly as he stands from his desk, packing the advert away neatly.

“Of course I am, what kinda question is that?” Grave questions, nodding as the manager shrugs.

“Gotta ask before I throw you in the deep end kiddo. You wanna meet the animatronics before you start?” He questions, opening the door for Grave.

“Sure!” Grave exclaims, following the manager as he leads her through the door to the performance stage where the animatronics stand silently.

“Cool…” Grave mumbles, her voice hushed as she stands before the animatronics, taking them in.

“So, some advice. For Bonnie and Chica, just close the doors on them and they’ll go away after a moment. Foxy, keep looking at him in the cameras periodically or he seems to get frustrated. And Freddy usually wont be around unless the power cuts out.” The manager explains, smiling reassuringly.

“That’s it?” Grave questions, feeling like that isn’t much as the manager nods, only fuelling her surprise.

“Yes, but don’t take them for granted.” He warms, his expression suddenly stern as he speaks to Grave.

“Alright, I wont.” Grave agrees, feeling slightly nervous at that as the manager frowns in concern.

“You sure you’re up for this?” He questions, his voice soft in worry as he studies Grave keenly.

“I got this! You don’t have to worry about it.” Grave reassures him, nodding as the manager analyses her.

“If you’re sure kiddo.” He responds, his voice sounding uncertain as he agrees with her slowly.

“I’m sure, very sure.” Grave reassures him, fiddling with her hands. “So um… when do I start?” She questions.

“When do you want to stat kiddo?” The manager questions, looking down at Grave as he speaks.

“As soon as possible!” Grave exclaims, thinking it through as the manager watches her carefully.

“You wanna start tonight? Or tomorrow?” He questions, smiling softly as he walks with Grave away from the stage and animatronics.

“Uh… tonight sounds good!” Grave exclaims, smiling happily as the manager walks with her to the uniform area.

“Alright, let’s get your equipment.” The manager explains, his voice soft as he leads Grave. Humming softly, Grave mumbles something under her breath, too quiet to be heard, though it sounds happy.

“Okay so you’re gonna want a flashlight, baton and tazer to start.” The manager explains, smiling as he opens the uniform closet for Grave.

“Mhm…” Following along, Grave grabs the equipment he mentions. “What else?” She questions.

“Well you will be stationary unless something happens, in which case there is a tablet for you to use to remotely check cameras.” The manager explains, looking down at Grave.

“Oh, how convenient.” Grave comments, her voice quiet as she speaks now, the manager touching her shoulder gently.

“Look, I’m gonna leave you with my number, and I’ll be on my phone all night in case you need me, alright?” He reassures her softly.

“Got it! Thanks.” Grave thanks him, smiling happily as she nods, the manager looking down at her.

“I do have to go now, but this is my number.” He explains, handing Grave a piece of paper with a number written down on it.

“Thank you, I hope you stay safe.” Grave explains, smiling as she takes the paper from the manager carefully.

“I will, you stay safe too kiddo.” He returns the sentiment, smiling kindly as he pats Grave’s shoulder.

“I’ll try my best, don’t worry!” Grave exclaims, wiggling happily as the manager smiles sweetly.

“I’ll see you in the morning, or earlier if you call me.” He explains, his voice soft and calm.

“I hope I don’t have to!” Grave explains, giggling softly as the manager begins to make his way to the front doors of the restaurant.

“I’ll see ya soon kiddo.” The manager expresses, smiling as he opens the front door to get to his car.

“I sure hope so, bye!” Grave exclaims, smiling as she waves, watching the manager leave the premises, driving away in his car as he leaves Grave alone in the empty building with the animatronics.

Looking over to the animatronics, Grave speed walks her way to the office as they remain still and quiet; not yet moving around.

“This should be fine.” Grave reassures herself, smiling nervously as she looks to the monitors, able to see the animatronics using the cameras, still standing silently on the performance stage in the main area of the restaurant.

“N o i c e.” Grave comments, checking in on Foxy as Bonnie shifts on the stage, looking around the room in front of it.

“H m, that’s okay.” Grave tries to reassure herself, frowning slightly as she notices Bonnie, Foxy peeking out from behind his curtain for a moment before backing inside again.

“Okay bye�� I guess.” Grave greets Foxy, switching to the other cameras to see Bonnie wandering around the main room absently.

“That’s c o o l, just stay away from m e please.” Grave pleads quietly with the animatronic, Bonnie noticing the camera, getting closer to it as it wanders around.

“O h I don’t like that.” Grave comments, a stressed smile appearing on her face as Bonnie chatters its jaw, wandering out of the main room into the hallways.

“Aw, fuck you Bonnie. Fuck you so much.” Grave groans, glowing in fear as Bonnie starts to walk down the hallway quietly, getting closer.

Frowning, Grave watches Bonnie get closer, not closing the doors yet as it stops, knowing she needs to conserve the power.

“This is f i n e.” Grave lies to herself, smiling nervously as she feels the fear building, Bonnie staring into the camera silently.

“Don’t look at me like that, you frick.” Grave insults the animatronic, flipping them off as Bonnie’s jaw chatters, moving closer to the office.

“Can you not, please?” Grave questions, frowning softly as Bonnie continues to chatter, getting closer.

“Fuck you!” Grave yells, closing the door as Bonnie screeches loudly. “Hey! Only I can scream here!!!” Grave yells back, Bonnie chattering loudly in response.

“Blah blah blah, I’m a big baby! That’s all I can hear form you, ya fuck!” Grave exclaims, Bonnie falling silent for a moment.

Sticking her tongue out at Bonnie, Grave checks the other monitors, able to see Chica moving around slowly, the other animatronics staying still on the stage.

“Mmm that’s f I n e… I hope.” Grave tries to reassure herself, watching Chica wander into the kitchen, where the cameras cut off, not working inside the kitchen.

“Oh fuck you too, Chica, its not like I wanted to watch you anyways.” Grave insults her, listening to Chica chatter and she clangs around inside the kitchen.

“I lowkey wanna commit die right now.” Grave admits, sighing as she opens the door, Bonnie in the main room once again as she puts down the monitor.

“Yay!” Smiling, Grave checks the monitor for Foxy, able to see him staring at the camera as he peeks out from his curtain.

“You better not try anything…” Grave warns him, watching Foxy duck back into his exhibit quickly.

“Thanks, I think.” Grave thanks the animatronic, Freddy moving slightly on the stage as she speaks, checking the main area of the restaurant.

“Nooo.” Sighing, Grave whines as Freddy looks towards the camera, tapping her feet nervously against the floor.

“I don’t w a n n a look at you.” Grave complains, flipping him off as Freddy chatters. “Godammit, you piece of shit…” Grave groans, watching Freddy get off of the stage as she mumbles something under her breath, feeling annoyed and scared as Freddy wanders the hallways.

“Don’t come in here… I know that saying that wont do anything but please don’t come in here.” Grave moans, glowing softly as Freddy chatters.

“Hhh I’m only 16, dude, that’s way too fuckin young to d i e.” Grave whines, trying to calm herself down as Freddy freezes in his tracks, staring up at the camera intently.

“Yep, I’m fucked.” Grave confirms with herself, frowning as she taps her feet against the floor nervously, Freddy chattering again, though it’s quieter than before.

“…What?” Grave questions, feeling confused as Freddy moves closer, the animatronics footsteps seeming more hesitant than before.

Calming herself slightly, Grave checks on Foxy, able to see him peeking out from behind his curtain as Bonnie chatters at it.

“They’re just vibing, I guess… I h o p e.” Grave tries to reassure, Foxy coming out of their enclosure, screeching at Bonnie as they continue to chatter.

“That seems f i n e.” Grave tries to lie to herself, watching Foxy look at the camera as Chica joins them out of the kitchen.

“Its all a-ok and normal right now.” Grave tries to calm herself down, though it doesn’t work as Freddy gets closer, stopping a bit away from the door to the office.

“Yeah, that’s not good…” Grave comments, frowning as she shakes slightly, Freddy squeaking quietly as they stand there. closing her eyes, Grave shakes as Freddy squeaks again, the noise almost inaudible now.

Closing her eyes, Grave tries to stop shaking as much as a soft noise comes from the Freddy animatronic.

“Mmm…” Keeping herself quiet, Grave slows her shaking as she keeps her eyes closed, the Freddy animatronic humming softly.

Slowly opening her eyes, Grave slides down to the floor from the chair as Freddy watches her, remaining stationary in the hallway.

“Hi…” Looking at Freddy, Grave tries to force a smile as she watches him, still feeling scared by his presence.

Squeaking, Freddy moves closer as Grave curls into a ball, glowing softly in fear as the animatronic stops again, crouching down to better get on her level as it watches her.

Tapping her feet, a gentle smile graces Grave’s face as she holds out her hand, Freddy reaching out their own to hold hers gently, chattering quietly.

“Thanks…” Taking the animatronics hand, Grave trails off, wiggling slightly. “Why are you being nice to me?” She questions.

“N o t  a d u l t.” The distorted voice of the animatronic answers, squeaking slightly as it’s forced out.

“Oh… so you heard me!” Grave exclaims, poking Freddy’s nose hesitantly as the animatronic nods.

“O t h e r s  k n o w.” It explains, its joins squeaking as it stands itself back up to look down at Grave.

“They do?” Grave questions, watching Freddy with confusion as the animatronic nods.

“D o n ‘ t  h u r t c h i l d r e n.” It explains, moving to stand back in the hallway as its distorted voice speaks.

“Oh…” Smiling, Grave stands up from the floor. “Fuck yeah!” She exclaims, Freddy nodding as the animatronic starts to wander away, moving back towards the main room of the restaurant.

“Can I ask you something?” Grave questions, following Freddy as she thinks through her words, Freddy nodding as they walk.

“Um… what the hell are y’all?” Grave questions, frowning in confusion as Freddy pauses in its stride.

“D e a d ,  s t u f f e d  i n s i d e.” The animatronic explains, looking down at Grave as it speaks.

“Oh… I-I’m sorry.” Grave apologises, unsure of what to say as she frowns, Freddy nodding as they continue to walk.

“How old were you?” Grave questions, feeling concerned as Freddy pauses their stride again.

“I  w a s s e v e n.” They explain, their voice somehow sounding more sad and strained as they explain, the animatronics eyes growing dull.

“Seven?! What the actual fuck!” Grave exclaims loudly, feeling angry as Freddy flinches at the noise level.

“Sorry…” Grave continues, her voice growing softer.” You didn’t deserve that.” She explains, following Freddy as she is lead into the main area with the other animatronics.

“Hello…” Following Freddy into the main room, Grave watches as Bonnie moves over to Freddy, chattering quietly.

“Oh… nice to talk to you too.” Grave speaks, her voice slightly sarcastic as she watches Bonnie, who chatters softly as they back away from her, seeming unsure.

“Sorry, did I say something wrong?” Grave questions, frowning as Bonnie backs away more, feeling concerned as Freddy moves forward, wrapping the animatronic in a hug.

“S c a r e d  o f p e o p l e.” Freddy explains as Grave closes her mouth, sitting down on the floor as they pat Bonnie gently.

“Oh no…” Grave feels her concern spike as Freddy nods, allowing the Bonnie animatronic to hide in them as they hug.

“Uh…” Thinking through her words, Grave shifts her gaze to Bonnie. “I’m not gonna hurt you or anything… I promise.” She tries to reassure the animatronic, Bonnie squeaking softly as they look at her.

“That’s good, right?” Grave questions, smiling softly as she taps, Bonnie letting go of Freddy as they move closer to her, Grave holding out her hand invitingly. Though they hesitate for a moment, Bonnie takes the hand.

“Thanks!” Grave exclaims, wiggling as she smiles more as Bonnie squeaks, watching Grave pat the space beside her, sitting down as the Chica animatronic gets closer.

Watching her, Grave glows softly as Bonnie looks to her, chattering softly in response as they watch.

“Hm?” Grave questions, raising an eyebrow as Bonnie squeaks, looking to Freddy to interpret for them.

“Y o u  a r e n i c e.” Freddy explains for them, Grave smiling softly in response, leaning over to gently poke Bonnie’s nose.

“Well, you deserve nice, so of course I’m gonna be nice to you.” She explains, the Bonnie animatronic tilting their head inquisitively.

“What? You did nothing wrong, so you get niceness and stuff.” Grave explains, though Bonnie only looks more confused. “You never had nice things?” Grave questions, frowning softly in concern as Bonnie shakes their head in response.

“I’m sorry…” Frowning more, Grave wraps the Bonnie animatronic in a gentle hug, feeling them stiffen for a moment before relaxing into her calmly. Pressing their foreheads together, Grave listens as Bonnie squeaks softly, glowing dimly in response.

Poking their nose, Grave smiles as Bonnie squeaks, Chica sitting beside them as Foxy moves closer to Freddy.

“Sorry.” Grave apologises, lying as Bonnie chatters in response, making Grave giggles as she listens to them.

“Mmmsorry, I can’t hear you. My ears are blind.” Grace jokes, Bonnie chattering more in response. “What was that? I don’t understand noises.” Grave continues, hearing Bonnie squeak in response.

“I only hear babey!” Grave exclaims, glowing softly as Bonnie screeches quietly in frustration. “Mmmf i n e.” Grace give, in smiling, mischievously as Bonnie clicks quietly. Raising an eyebrow, Grave looks at her inquisitively as Bonnie clicks more. “I-Is that a good noise?” Grave questions, feeling confused.

Nodding, Freddy watches as Grave taps her feet happily against the floor, smiling as Bonnie clicks more.

“Oh!” Smiling, Grave wiggles happily. “I like that noise.” She explains, Bonnie tilting their head as they click more, Grave poking their nose as they continue to click.

Thinking for a moment, Grave presses a gentle kiss to Bonnie’s forehead as they jump slightly, relaxing into the touch quickly, Grave pressing more kisses to their face as they chatter softly.

“Mmmguess what?” Grave questions, Bonnie clicking inquisitively. “I love…” Grave trails off poking their nose. “You! Cuz you cool and stuff.” She explains, Bonnie squeaking softly.

“I had to say it! Its very important.” Grave explains, laughing softly as Bonnie squeaks more. “I love you so much and I’d die for you if it was necessary, which it probably wont be but s t i l l.” Grace explains.

Chattering, Bonnie leans themselves into Grave as she hugs them gently, squeezing them as Chica gets closer, Bonnie clicking softly.

Smiling, Grave brings Chica into the hug, hearing them chatter softly as they hug her back gently.

Humming softly, Grave wiggles her feet happily as Chica clicks softly, making her glow happily as she kisses their forehead, earning a click and squeak from Chica in response. Laughing quietly, Grave gives Chica more kisses as Chica chatters softly.

Pressing their heads together, Grave closes her eyes as a string of soft squeaks come from Chica. Humming, Grave gentle pokes Chica’s nose, listening to the animatronic click in response as they sit quietly together, feeling safer in each others company as they wait out the nightshift.

[heartofsnark]

Black Market Wonderland (Chapter Seven): There’s a dog in your heart

Notes:  Okay, I hate to do this, but I think following this chapter there will be a hiatus for this fic. This chapter took a lot out of me and left me drained, I’ve fallen behind on writing chapters. So, I think I’m going to take a break, get some motivation back, and get some more chapters done in advanced. Thank you all for the support and I hope it won’t be too long before I’m coming back to you with some more chapters. 

Word Count: 13,273

Warnings:  POV Switches, Panic Attacks, Angry Outbursts, Drinking, Drunk Kisses, Masturbation, Wasted Pastries

Missed the last chapter? Link Here!

Tsuneko sighs as she takes a seat on the bus, mostly empty at this early hour. She checks her texts; two from Chisato and one from Sakiko. No messages from Shinobu, this is the longest he’s ever ignored her. She shakes off the thought, bigger problems. 

2:25am

Chisato: Np I’ll take care of kiyo, is something wrong tho? Are you working this late???

7:35am

Chisato: Is something up, you’re never been this late.

7:29am

Sakiko: where r u? erika is pissed u ok?

They must have been working or in a meeting when they messaged her, they didn’t have to check on her. She made Chisato take care of Kiyohito in the middle of the night and made them both worry. She sighs and sends them both quick messages. 

Tsuneko: Thanks so much, sorry for the trouble. I’m fine. I’ll be there soon. 

She searches for a moment before choosing an animated Cinnamoroll sticker that says sorry with the little mascot looking down in shame. 

Tsuneko: I’m headed that way, I’ll deal with Erika, don’t stress.

Sakiko gets another animated Cinnamoroll sticker of him flying that says on my way. It’s something small but the little stickers make her happy, kill her in micro-transactions, but it’s worth it to make her conversations that much cuter. 

Her stomach growls and she slumps further into her seat when a few people stare. Once she’s back she needs to check on Kiyo again for the morning and then hurry her ass into work before Ichinomiya can call her out on being late. 

She opens up Monster Lovers, romancing her favorite snake boy as she waits for the bus to reach the stop nearest the Tres Spades. He’s still acting cold towards her, he’s a kuudere brat and she’d hit him if she didn’t want to kiss him. 

The bus reaches the stop just as she’s reaching a rare soft moment with Tatsumi in his story. She tucks the phone away and gets off, her movements are slow and groggy. Lately, her life just seems to be just one panic attack after another and it’s taking a toll. 

She’s exhausted, it’s like she’s trudging through tar with leaden limbs. Everything is just a half-hearted slow drag of movement. 

A heavy yawn escapes her as she makes it into her dorm to check on Kiyo. He’s sleeping and has plenty of food to last him, Chisato made sure he’d be taken care of just in case. 

She’s content to head back to the hotel when something catches her eye, a bright pink sticky note on her counter. It’s not one of hers, it’s the basic kind found at dollar stores over the cutesy stuff she keeps around. The little note is stuck on top of a large pack of raspberry Kit-Kats. 

Sweets to keep your energy up!~

-Chisato

Chisato thinks Tsuneko is just working extremely late shifts for the penthouse guests, she was texted randomly in the middle of the night and not only took care of Kiyo, but wanted to watch out for Tsuneko too. She didn’t have to do that. Neither of them had to check in on her or worry. Tsuneko isn’t sure what they see in her and it’s only a matter of time only they realize she’s not worth the energy, but for now she’ll enjoy it. 

She’s not sure when she started crying, but her face is wet as she devours the food. The taste soothing and sweet, she swallows down what’s left and guzzles down a soda. 

Tsuneko grabs a quick shower, tears washing down the drain with the water, and throws on some clothes before rushing back to the hotel. The candy seems to have done the trick, if only for a moment she’s able to run and bustle. 

The locker room is vacant, Ichinomiya didn’t schedule or mention any events, so at the very least it’s a normal workday. She throws on a uniform and pulls her hair back. She’ll go to the penthouse first, make sure Ichinomiya doesn’t think she skipped out on work. 

She closes her locker with a harder slam than needed and jerks back when she nearly runs into Erika. The head maid is alone at the moment, not a twin in sight, eyebrows furrowed and hands on her hips. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” 

Tsuneko’s nerves are already frayed and Erika’s shrill voice is only making matters worse. 

“Look-”

“Do you think just because Mr. Ichinomiya likes you that you can just start slacking off?!” 

“I’m sorry, I’m late, but I’m not in the mood for this shit right now.” 

“You’re not in the mood for this!?” 

“I said I’m sorry, can you just let go, right now.” 

“You just got a major promotion, you can’t afford to stop pulling your weight around here!” 

“If you’re that fuckin’ worried, stop bitching at me and go do your own work!”

“Excuse you!?” 

“Oh my god, would you get off my dick!? I’ve literally never been this late before! I’ve never taken sick days, I’ve never taken a vacation day, and I work over time and cover everyone else’s shifts when they need it! I had one bad day out of a year, excuse the fuck out of me.”

Erika chews her lip and the tension in her face seems to ease for a moment, her eyes soft but her voice stays sharp. 

“What the hell is in your tongue?” 

Tsuneko narrows her eyes, confused for a second, then she feels the metal of her tongue piercing click against the roof of her mouth. Shit, shit, she forgot to take that out. 

“Uhhhh…that would be my tongue ring, which will be removed right stat now.” 

“Don’t be so careless, what if a guest had seen that,” Erika grumbles, her face turning red with irritation as Tsuneko removes the piercing. 

“So, we’re good now?” Tsuneko sticks her tongue out after dropping the piercing in her pocket. 

“Whatever, just get to work.” Erika turns, her cheeks turning a slightly deeper red, and starts to rush out. 

“Would have gotten to work ten minutes ago if someone wasn’t yelling at me,” Tsuneko taunts as she trails after the head maid.

“Yeah and someone would have saw that ring in your tongue.” 

“Still would have been working.” Tsuneko shrugs as they leave the locker room, going their separate ways to work. 

She grabs her work schedule and a cleaning cart. The penthouse is notably vacant when she arrives, Kishi is the only person she sees and he’s sleeping on a couch. She’s able to quickly clean the lounge, the only noise is the old man’s chainsaw volume snoring. While irritating, it’s still preferable to the teasing and threats of the bidders. 

The lounge and suites are clean, she manages to escape the place unscathed for the day. Just a small comfort in the hell of her life. She leans her weight against the back of the elevator as it descends downward, fiddling with the good luck charm still in her pocket. She’ll have worn a hole in the fabric by the time she gets it back to its owner, if she ever manages to do that. 

She needs to apologize to Chisato and Sakiko properly, she made them worry. Maybe she’ll treat them to that bakery at lunch. She’ll need to apologize to the Hatter too, for running out in the morning without any notice. He still hasn’t shown her anything to do with the auctions either, other than rambling about a few items. 

Her throat tightens for the millionth time it seems. Her gaze lingers to her hand, she didn’t bother to bandage it this morning, the skin has closed and she was in a hurry after all. The small cuts across her fingers are just a faint pink mark away, almost nothing than but a memory. As expected there still a large angry red scar across the middle of her palm. The bruises on her face are mostly gone as well, having turned to a faint yellowing color. She doesn’t bother paying special attention to it with makeup anymore. 

A lot of the physical reminders of that night are fading, but just the thought of the auctions puts her right back there. It’s cruel of them, to make her go back to the place and event that ruined her life. But, she can’t expect anything less than cruelty from them, now can she. 

She has to see this as just another part of work; compartmentalizing and burying her feelings are key points in her limited skill set. Maybe if she tried walking the stage without the auctions going on it would help? Just having a memory of it not attached to that night, or at least get the initial panic attacks out of being there again. 

The elevator comes to a stop and she gets back to work. It’s the usual monotony of her job, that lets her just focus on doing things without those dangerous hurtful thoughts creeping in. Making beds, cleaning bathrooms, restocking amenities, delivering brochures and answering guest questions. It’s all muscle memory at this point, allowing her to block out every intrusive thought and operate on autopilot. 

She gets through to lunch break; Chisato and Sakiko are getting in line to buy food. Tsuneko tentatively walks up behind them, poking them both in the sides, snickering when they both jump. 

“Tsuneko, you made it in!” Sakiko is the first to talk, as usual. 

“Yeah, sorry for the worries, and,” she looks to Chisato, “thanks for taking care of you know who.” 

“It’s no problem, but were they making you work that late?” 

“Uh, not quite don’t worry about it.” 

“Tsuneko, you already work a lot, even V.I.P’s can’t expect you to work that late. You’ll run yourself ragged.” 

“I’m fine really.” 

“Hmmm,” a smug grin pulls at Sakiko’s lips, “Mr. Ichinomiya wants you working late into the night, hmm.”

“You want me to treat you for lunch Chisato?”  

“Wait, what?” 

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” 

“Hey, I’m invited too, right?” 

“You hear something, Chisato?” 

“The A.C must have kicked on.” 

“Don’t ignore me!” 

“C’mon there’s a bakery I wanna go to.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

Tsuneko and Chisato start the walk out of the lunchroom, not paying mind to the flustered Sakiko. 

“Hey! I want free food too,” Sakiko whines before following after them, knowing despite their jokes she’s more than welcomed to come along. 

Tsuneko leads the two of them to Parolee, there’s a cute girl at the register. She doesn’t see the cute boy from last time, but there are worse things in life. They each pick out a treat and a drink before tucking themselves away at a table. 

She’ll finish up her shift, walk the stage, and then take a visit to Wonderland. She’s memorized most of the items; she figures the Hatter will be taking over most of the descriptions given that’s more of his expertise than hers. She doesn’t want to go near that stage, but there’s no way to fight it. She’s been getting bold enough as is given that Oh is more than willing to end her life. 

She’d rather die on her own terms. A silly distinction it might seem, death is death after all.  But it’s important to her. That’s the one thing she’s sticking to, no matter what. If she wins the bet….she knows making a genuine attempt to get her life back on track is the best choice, logically. But, even when she was in University, even when her life was on track she wasn’t happy. She hasn’t been happy since she was nine, a few bright spots now and again, but she can’t say she’s ever been a happy person.  If she’s going to be miserable no matter what, is there any point? She always thought if she graduated top of her class, passed the bar, became a lawyer, and finally made something of herself she’d be happy. But, now she’s not so sure. Every setback and time her goals get crushed, she feels like it’s all for nothing. 

Maybe the gloomy situation is just getting to her, she’s been like this before, and she thinks she’s been like this since the expulsion.  The bet and kidnapping just cranked it up to eleven. It was during that time between university and the Tres Spades that she first bought the rope. 

If she does make that decision, she’ll take care of everything she needs to first, make sure everything will be taken care of before she goes. She doesn’t want to leave a mess behind her. She’d have to find Kiyo a new home and have some uncomfortable talks with her family. There a lot of things her dad deserves to know, from her directly and not from some posthumous investigation. Some final words to those she cares about, lots of apologies for being who she is. 

Once that’s taken care of it shouldn’t be too hard on anyone, most people will probably be thank-

“Tsuneko!” 

Sakiko’s yell makes her jolt in her seat, knee banging against the table. Sakiko and Chisato are looking at her like she’s a wounded puppy and her stomach knots. They’re both half way through their desserts, Tsuneko’s tiramisu is mostly gone and the taste of espresso in her mouth tells her that she’s been mindlessly eating with every depressive thought. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t said a word; you’ve just been zoned out and jittery.” 

“Seriously, your leg has been bouncing nonstop. You were making the table shake so much I thought my drink was gonna spill.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Tsuneko rubs a hand over her face, “I’m fine, just thinking.” 

“Maybe you should consider taking tomorrow off,” Chisao offers as Tsuneko downs her water, when did her throat get so dry?

“No can do. Big promotion, can’t slack, all of that jazz.” 

“Tsuneko, I’m saying this as your friend,” Sakiko’s voice is soft, “you look like shit.” 

“Thanks asshole.” 

“She’s right Tsuneko, you’re getting bags under your eyes and, I mean, you look like you’re a second away from a breakdown.” 

“Pffft, I’ve been a mess since day one, it’s nothing new.” 

“You need to take care of yourself Tsuneko, I know the penthouse guests must expect a lot from you, but running yourself ragged isn’t going to help anyone.” 

“I’m fine, I promise.” 

“Hey, Yayoi still owes you for taking over the day you got hurt right?”  

“I guess,” Tsuneko grumbles, she wasn’t even meant to be working the day she was sold. How she has such shit luck is a mystery. 

“She’s on night shift tomorrow, why don’t you switch with her. You can relax tonight and sleep in tomorrow, but you’ll still be working.” 

Night shift in general is easier, given most guests are sleeping. It’s mainly cleaning the lobby, halls, etc. It’s quieter and minimal customer interactions. Would Ichinomiya call that avoiding work? As long as she cleans the penthouse suites when she first arrives in the late evening, it should be fine. 

“If I say yes, will you shut up?” 

“For now,” Sakiko offers before taking another bite of her cake. 

She ordered the strawberry shortcake the same kind Ichinomya and Tsuneko had to share last time they were here.  The red strawberry on top has been put off to the side, before Tsuneko realizes what she’s doing she’s grabbed it and takes a bite. 

“Hey! I was saving that!” 

“Snooze you lose.” 

“I didn’t even say anything stupid!” 

“Everything you say is stupid by default.” 

“That’s not even fair.” 

“That’s life.” Tsuneko shrugs, eating the last of her dessert. 

“You two ready to head back?” 

“I wanna buy some stuff to go, you wanna get something for Itsuki? I’ll buy.” 

“Sounds good.” Chisato’s smile brightens at the mention of treating her girlfriend. Tsuneko has only met Itsuki a few times, but each time her and Chisato are together they’re nauseatingly in love. 

Tsuneko looks at the display of treats, she prattles off the name of everything that catches her eye. If she’s going to be forced to take a break, possibly earn the ire of Ichinomiya, then she’s going to spend the night stuffing her face and drinking. 

She’s still looking, about to just settle on what she’s picked, when fresh cupcakes are being placed into the display. Soft yellow cake with white meringue frosting, the little placard says lemon chiffon cupcakes. The Hatter would probably like those, given his like of the pie, maybe if she bought a few he’d forgive her for just bailing this morning. 

She starts to look up, meeting soft brown gray eyes. It’s the boy from last time, tucking sweets away into the case. A smile pulls at her lips, seeing a cute familiar face. His face flushes up to the tip of his ears and he jolts to stand up. 

“Do you know her, Rin?” The cashier asks him, smiling as he tries to cover his ears. 

“She’s just the girl who came in here fighting with her boyfriend over cake.”

“Hey,” her face twists in disgust, “he is not-“ 

“Tsuneko, we’re gonna be late, hurry up!” 

“Okay, that’ll be all then.” 

Tsuneko gets out her card as her order is all boxed up, pays, and they head back to the hotel in a hurry. She’s a little upset she couldn’t clear up the misunderstanding about Ichinomiya or grab the cupcakes for the Hatter. 

They make it back to the hotel, Tsuneko hands Chisato the box of macaroons she picked out for Itsuki, tucking the rest into her locker to take home later before heading back to work. The rest of the work day passes by easily enough; a few guests point out she looks sick, but nothing else of note. 

She’s finished the last room on her schedule and takes a deep breath, calming her nerves before she ventures to the auction stage. Her hands wring together, her heart is already racing. 

She counts off seconds to track her breathing as she takes the stairs to the lower level. Tsuneko focuses on her senses, the only way to push through the panic, to stay off those trains of thought. 

The in and out of her breaths, the click of her heels against each step, her uniform clenched under her fists, and her eyes fixed straight ahead. 

Her chest grows tight when the scenery gets more familiar, the path she was pushed along that night. 

Gilded bars, yelling out at strangers who don’t care, fresh blood seeping through her palm and being trapped; memories and phantom sensations flood her brain. 

She digs her nails into the scar on her palm, pain grounding her to reality as she pushes forward towards that stage.  

Her heart beat is like a pounding drum beat in her ears, drowning out every other bit of noise. She can’t even hear herself counting seconds. 

The backstage is a ghost town, not the same bustle of activity. A quick glance up shows her the hook and suspension system that was used to hang her over the stage and bile rises in the back of her throat. 

There’s no gilded birdcage and she wonders if it’s back in storage, is it still stained with her blood or did it get washed off? It must have been someone’s job to mop up her blood and remove all traces of what was done to her. 

Another deep breath and a stab of her nails into her hand, a burst of pain to lead the way onto the actual stage. 

No lights or audience now, just rows upon rows of empty red velvet seats. There’s well over a hundred, maybe closer to five-hundred or so, she’s not sure. It would take her too long to count. 

All of those seats that night were filled, hundreds of people watching her torment with pride. Hundreds of possible buyers, each watching and thinking of just how they could use her if the money was right. 

What if someone else would have bought her? That creepy man from that auction night or god knows who else. She could have ended up in someone’s basement, dead or worse and those people would have just moved on like she’d never been there.  

And for what fucking reason? 

It’s all so fucking senseless. It’s just rich pieces of shit getting together to waste money on things they’re not supposed to have, because it makes them feel special. 

She’s a mess, suffering, struggling, hurt and looking for any escape because a hoard of rich people wanted a thrill. 

She was already fucking up her own life, but apparently not fast enough, because the rich assholes came in to speed the process up. 

Fuck, she can still feel them all looking at her, staring and gawking. Hundreds of people waiting and eager for the chance to hurt her, own her. Her greatest value has been just how much someone’s willing to pay to break her. 

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Hatter hums, the sound soft and cheerful in his throat. He’s ventured outside of Wonderland, in search of Cheshire. She’s gone for one of her walks and he’d like to have her back in time for the tea party. The floor where the auctions are held are the furthest he’s willing to stray from his safe haven of Wonderland. That is when they’re not being used for other events. 

He likes the storeroom, looking over every potential item and finding the perfect description. Connecting to the items, letting them tell him their stories. It’s like magic, bringing every little thing to life with nothing but his words. 

He likes being on stage for auctions, performing and everyone’s eyes on him. Seeing their intrigue, how they hang on his every word. He can feel every emotional shift, the impact of his words on every person in the crowd. The stage is his second home after Wonderland. 

But, he can’t say he likes people in any other context, not really. He knows he’s odd, strange and unwanted by everyone’s standards. 

Except Alice’s. 

There’s an extra bounce in his step and his humming gets louder, just the thought of her makes his entire being lights up. 

He waited so long for his Alice, someone who’d accept him. 

He was sad to see her gone this morning, but he knows she has other responsibilities. He’s found his Alice, but she’s not his alone. A part of him, the majority of him, wants her to stay in Wonderland with him forever.  Wonderland is always beautiful, filled with only the best of things, but it seems to brighten up even more when Alice is there. 

For that fact alone, he’ll accept sharing her. He’d rather have her some of the time than none of it. Despite her responsibilities, she always returns and as long as that continues, he can be happy. 

He’s always preferred and sought out eternal joys. Painted roses never wilt, in Wonderland he can have the best parts of life with none of the pain or hurt regular life comes with. But, perhaps he can learn to appreciate more temporary forms of happiness. Maybe cloudy days make the sun shine brighter? 

Maybe going without her just means he’s that much happier when she comes back? 

He’d still prefer to have her forever, the sun, the roses, and everything else beautiful forever. But, some compromises must be made he supposes. 

He finds himself wandering near the auction room, perhaps Cheshire got curious about where he goes for those nights and wanted to investigate it, she’s a curious girl after all. 

The Hatter nearly avoids tripping over the steps to the back stage when the sobs echo from the main stage. He freezes, his entire existence seized in an ice cold grip. Someone else is here. Who else would be here? Should he leave? 

The wails and whimpering cries sound like a mix between a banshee and wounded animal. Pure pain echoing through every noise as he inches close to the curtains, to see who it could be. 

Sitting curled up with knees to her is a woman in a maid uniform, from behind he can see a tied up mess of chocolate brown hair but not a face, despite this he knows who it is. 

“Alice….?” 

She doesn’t respond, just sniveling and whimpering against her own knees. Her body trembles with the force of her cries. He walks closer, her hands are clutched tight to her temples, leaving angry red lines across the skin and knotting her hair. 

Why is she so upset? They had so much fun in Wonderland last night; she should be happy, right? It must be something else; she left Wonderland and got hurt. His heart twists painfully in his chest. If she stayed in Wonderland with him, this wouldn’t happen. 

He gently brings himself down on one knee in front of her and brushes his fingers over one of her hands. That forces a response, Alice jolting like he’s burnt her and the pain in his chest doubles. Why would she not want him to touch her?

She looks up at him, the pain in her heart triples, no quadruples. He can’t keep track, he just knows it hurts. Her face is red and splotchy; her eyes swollen, her nose is running, her lip is quivering, and a waterfall of tears run down her face. 

Wet amaranth eyes stare up at him; she blinks a few more tears join the downpour. He doesn’t like this, seeing her like this, it hurts. There’s a vice grip around his heart. He stares back for a moment, just taking in the pain on her face. He touches her again, placing his hand against her cheek. The warmth of her skin seeps through his gloves and she leans into the touch this time, like she’s desperate for the contact. 

“What’s wrong Alice? Why are you crying?” He asks, a pout on his lips and his head tilting just so. 

“I-uh…” 

Her voice cracks and she breaks eye contact. His Alice isn’t beautiful, not right now, her brightness dimmed by pain. Bile churns in his stomach, he doesn’t like this. Everything is supposed to be happy. Wonderland is meant to be happy, even happier with Alice, but she’s suffering and he doesn’t know why. 

“Your tears are not beautiful.” 

Her entire body tenses, her knees curling closer to her chest, like she’s trying to be smaller.

“What….?” 

Her voice has never sounded so fragile, as if the softest of touches could shatter her very being. 

“They’re like fake diamonds, cheap pearls. I...can’t bear to look at them.”  He looks away from her, grimacing as bile builds in the back of his throat. 

“I-“ 

“Tears do not belong in Wonderland.”

He doesn’t have time to take another breath before she pushes him back onto his butt. Alice rises to her feet and stands over him. He swallows hard staring up at her; her eyes aren’t soft or sad anymore. They’re harsh and angry, his skin feels hot, like the fury and hatred in her is burning through him. 

“Is that what you care about?!” 

He tries scooting further away as she steps closer, feeling like prey about to be devoured. It’s been so long, he almost forgot what it felt like to be looked at with so much hate and disgust.  He can’t speak, every word caught in his throat. Even if he could speak, she has no intention of listening. 

“Well, I’m so fucking sorry, that I can’t be pretty while my life is falling apart. Do you even get that? Or are you so deep in your own bullshit that you can’t even understand that you helped destroy my life!” 

Tears start falling again. She rubs them off, forceful enough to leave red marks across her eyes. She crouches down, hovering over his sprawled out body, so she can look him in the eyes again. There’s a shift, hot rage becoming cold fury. She’s a viper about to strike. 

“You were so excited, weren’t you? That night, when you finally met me, your Alice, the chance to complete your little fantasy, right?” 

Her tone is saccharine and she pauses like she’s waiting for an answer. He nods, softly, unable to speak. 

 “That was one of the worst days of my life,” she snarls at him, “Everyone involved, including you, ruined my life…and no one cares… “ 

Her voice breaks and a fresh outburst of tears make their way down her face. She sniffles and stands up straight before rubbing the heel of her hand to her eyes. 

“Fuck, you’re no better than those penthouse assholes. The only thing you people care about is yourselves; I’m just another person to use. You don’t give a damn about me, the only thing you wanted was someone to play Alice. Someone to feed into your bullshit and look pretty while they do it. That’s all you fuckin’ wanted…and I actually thought- I’m an idiot.”

A heavy sigh escapes her  and with it all the emotion seems to drain, a tired shell standing where Alice once was.  Her heels click against the stage as she turns to leave, heading back off the stage. 

She’s leaving. 

She’s leaving him. 

She’s leaving him and he doesn’t know how to stop her. 

“Ali-!” 

“Tsuneko! For fucks sake, my name is Tsuneko! This is exactly the shit I’m talking about; you can’t just rename me and expect me to fall in line with your fantasy crap! You just do whatever you want, expect everyone to play along, then pout if you don’t get what you want!  There’s a reason you’re alone, dumbass.” 

She disappears back behind the curtain to the backstage, her steps echoing as she leaves. His eyes sting, tears streak down his face and fade his makeup. He tucks his knees under his chin, hugging himself tight. 

He finally found his Alice and he’s already driven her away.  Maybe he was stupid to think anyone would want to stay with him. 

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door to Tsuneko’s dorm slams shut behind her and she throws the box of desserts down on her counter, which shakes when her foot collides with it. She screams out and kicks it again, her hands knot and pull at her hair. Her body feels like it’s on fire, tears and anxiety replaced with rage. She knocks her fists against her own skull, the pain and feeling of hurting something even herself is cathartic in the moment. So, she does it again and again. 

She’s an idiot, a fucking idiot. Clinging to the idea that some stranger in makeup gave a damn about her, how could she be so pathetic? The second she was vulnerable, the second she wasn’t pretty enough, the second she wasn’t what he wanted he insulted her. Her tears don’t belong in Wonderland.  She rips open her fridge, she needs alcohol, something to shut her down. 

Tsuneko isn’t supposed to cry when everything is crashing down around her because god forbid she’s ugly for second. She cracks open a bottle of honey flavored vodka, what right does he even have to criticize her appearance? He runs around dressed up in some harlequin Tim Burton costume, but her tears are ugly. 

She takes a heavy swig of her drink; it’s sweet on her tongue and burns down her throat, before putting it aside to get Kiyo out of his cage. It’s best to take care of him before she’s completely out of her mind drunk. She makes sure to keep her movement gentle and steady, coddling him before putting him down. He scurries out, finding a stuffed animal to play with. She cleans up his cage, restocks his food, and water. 

He bounces after her as she walks back to the kitchenette area, bottle in hand. Another gulp and swallow, before she unboxes the goodies. She opens the top of the box with her fruit sponge cake roll and her eyes widen, just next to it in the corner is a little lemon chiffon cupcake. It’s nowhere on her receipts and she knows she didn’t buy it, Rin from the shop must have thrown it in because she was eyeing it. 

She runs a hand back through her hair, tugging out the knots she finds. The cupcakes she wanted to give to the Hatter.  A huff of hair escapes her lips, it’s a sweet gesture on Rin’s part, but it pisses her off.  She swallows down vodka until she needs a breath then puts the desserts away. 

Tsuneko crams the bonus cupcake in her mouth; her feelings keep it from tasting as sweet as it should. But, as long as the Hatter doesn’t have it, she’s fine with it.  Eating a cupcake out of spite, that’s what she’s become. 

She sits down on her little living room floor and washes the cake down with another gulp of vodka. Kiyo plops down in her lap and she idly scratches him as she drinks. 

“Uhhh,” she groans out as the burn of it settles in her stomach, “I’m fuckin’ stupid, you know that Kiyo.” 

He makes a soft dooking noise and chews on her sleeve, she takes another drink. 

“I let him see me like that and I actually thought he’d comfort me, fuckin’ stupid. No one likes a crybaby…Not allowed to cry, can’t break down, can’t be ugly, can’t be pathetic.” 

She takes another drink, her face is starting to flush and she’s nearing the bottom of the bottle. Her head lolls back against the seat of her couch, a soft sigh escapes her lips. 

“I just wanted someone I could be comfortable with even just a little bit, but no. No one wants a crybaby, no one wants a burden.” 

Kiyo nuzzles against her hand and she thinks about the Hatter, alone with only Cheshire as a friend. It’s been just him and Cheshire for four years. It’s just been her and Kiyo for almost one year. He hid himself away in Wonderland away from everyone and he’s desperate to keep his little fantasy world intact, hurting her for it. She thought she could be safe with him…because he’s so disconnected from reality, barely human.

But, that’s wrong to think, isn’t it? 

Of course he’s human and just like every other human; he doesn’t want to deal with her bullshit. To have expected any different, isn’t really fair is it. 

She thinks to this morning. The second there was a chance of seeing him underneath the costume she ran…she didn’t want her part of the fantasy world ruined….

Is she any better than him? 

He doesn’t want to see her ugly; he wants pristine pretty Alice who suits his Wonderland fantasy. She didn’t want to see the real him, she wanted her fake Hatter who couldn’t hurt her. 

And that went to shit real fast. 

But, she never made him behave differently and she never insulted him for not being what she wanted, so she’s not as bad is she? 

Her bottle is empty; she tosses it and grabs a different bottle, marshmallow vodka this time. She takes a few more bottles with her as she gets back to her seat, so she won’t have to move again. 

He didn’t have to insult her, tell her she didn’t belong in Wonderland. But, it’s her fault too. Expecting people to comfort her is ridiculous, she’s an adult and she should know better. Should have just wiped her eyes and moved on.  She needs to be stronger. 

Of course, he’d be disgusted by her. Anyone would be, seeing her sniveling and pathetic.  Expecting him to act any different isn’t fair.  There’s a reason she keeps her guard up, she let it drop and she got hurt, that’s just life. 

There’s a reason she’s alone, too.  

Keeping everyone at arm’s length suits her best; hurts less when they decide they don’t want her anymore. 

People only want someone for as long as they serve a purpose, what that purpose is of course varies from person to person. No one wants to deal with the gross, emotional garbage crap.

The next bottle of vodka is drained before she realizes it and she starts her third soon after. Her thoughts are getting hazier, lighter, the beauty of alcohol.  Only for the night, or however long her vodka fueled stupor lasts, the deep pain in her heart is forgotten. 

Kiyo nudges his hand against her hand, after she’s taken another gulp of chocolate vodka. He’s so sweet, a precious good boy trying to be here for her. She scoops him up in clumsy drunk hands nuzzling her cheek against his head. 

“Ah, you’re suuuuch a good boy,” she kisses his nose, “good boys get kisses.” 

He makes soft noises and she snuggles, giving him more kisses. Her body relaxes against the couch, it’s a shame Kiyo is the only good boy or girl she has around. She doesn’t have anyone else to give- 

Rapid knocks against her dorm door catch her attention, making her glassy eyes go wide.  

“Tsuneko, are you home?”  Sakiko asks from the other side of the door. 

“We came to check on you.” Chisato adds. 

“I’m right here! ~” Tsuneko waves at the door as if they could see her. 

“Uhh, we’re coming in.” 

“Ohhhhhh kaaaaay~” 

Sakiko and Chisato push open the door. They’re both in casual clothes, they look so cute, as they step into her dorm sort of apartment deal. Both of them go wide eyed when they see Tsuneko in her little vodka bottle nest. 

“Hullo, Sakay and Chisaw! ~” Words slosh and slur in her mouth. 

“Tsuneko, how much have you had to drink?” 

“Uhhhhh,” she looks down at the bottles around her, “one….two….threee…five…two…eight, a lot.” 

“This isn’t exactly what we imagined when we told you to take care of yourself,” Sakiko comments as they throw away the empty bottles. 

“Why are you here?”  

“We were worried about you, obviously.” 

Chisato sits down beside her once they’ve cleared away the bottles. Her body is warm and comforting, Tsuneko leans her head against Chisato’s shoulder. The soft scent of fabric softener tickles her nose. 

“Ahhhhhh,” she whines, “you’re toooo nice.” 

“You weren’t even this drunk at your welcome party,” Sakiko says as she takes a seat. 

“Well, Erika got her out of there before she got too bad, why are you nuzzling me?” 

“Mmmm, warm and nice,” Tsuneko mumbles before looking up at Chisato. Tsuneko’s face is completely red, eyes glassy, and her hair a mess. But, Chisato is so pretty, short and tidy blue black hair with warm doe brown eyes. She’s beautiful and nice.   

“Okay, it’s time for-AHHHH!” 

Chisato yells and scrambles backwards when Tsuneko leans over to kiss her. The two of them fall back, Tsuneko still trying to steal a kiss.  Chisato presses her palms against the shorter woman’s shoulders, keeping her and her lips at bay. 

“What are you doing?!” 

“You deserve a kiss! ~” Tsuneko beams, big smile and dimples showing. Why is Chisato so confused? It makes perfect sense. Kisses feel good, Chisato is a good person, and good people deserve good things. 

“I’ll get some from Itsuki, okay?” 

“Buuuuut, I wanna giiiiive kisses?”  

Why doesn’t Chisato want her kisses? Aren’t her kisses good?

“I think that’s enough of that,” Sakiko hooks her hands over Tsuneko’s shoulder and pulls her back toward her chest, away from Chisato. 

Tsuneko cranes her neck to look up at Sakiko, her chest is soft and warm against Tsuneko’s back. Sakiko is pretty too, long brown hair and bright honey brown eyes. She’s nice too, always sweet and bubbly no matter how much Tsuneko picks on her. 

“Why are yo-MMMPH!” 

Tsuneko’s lips muffle Sakiko’s question, she’s managed to twist around and throw her arms around Sakiko’s neck.  Her tongue slides in easily, rubbing against Sakiko’s as she deepens it. Tsuneko shifts and pushes against the sober woman’s lips, they’re soft and her mouth still tastes faintly of sweets. A small noise, a cute soft moan, escapes the back of Sakiko’s throat and she grabs at Tsuneko’s shirt. Whether the gesture is meant to dissuade Tsuneko or anchor herself, is unclear. 

The drunk half of the pair isn’t deterred, she’s intent on tasting every part of Sakiko’s mouth, delivering her reward. She tastes sweet, she’s soft, and it all feels so nice. That’s all Tsuneko wants, to feel good and make someone else feel good. She tilts and moves her lips against Sakiko’s, finding new angles to work her tongue in deeper and find any little spot she hasn’t run her tongue over yet. 

A different pair of hands grab Tsuneko’s shoulders and yanks her back, disconnecting her and Sakiko’s lips. Tsuneko’s eyes open at the loss of contact, Sakiko is still on the floor, seemingly frozen. Her face is a vivid red, honey brown eyes glazed over, and her lips are spit slick. She looks so pretty and needs more kisses, Tsuneko decides in her drunken haze. But, she’s being held back by Chisato.  

“Uhhh, Sakiko, you okay?” Chisato asks, voice soft and close to Tsuneko’s ear in this position. It’s pleasant, but it would probably sound even nicer if she was moaning like Sakiko did. When Tsuneko goes to twist around in order to steal a kiss from her other friend, she finds Chisato’s hands are gripping too tight for her to maneuver. 

“Um, uh,” Sakiko stutters and blinks, touching her slightly swollen lips, “fuck.” 

“Earth to Sakiko? You okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, um, I’m just shocked,” her voice cracks. 

“Okay…?” Chisato grins, “Are you still straight?” 

“Um, uh, I’ll get back to you on that one.” 

“Ahhhhh, I want more kisses,” Tsuneko whines as Chisato drags her towards her bed. 

“No more kisses, Tsuneko, you’re confusing the straights.” 

“Buuuuut, I wanna kiss pretty girls! ~” 

“I get that, but no more kisses tonight.” Chisato clumsily puts Tsuneko into her bed, pulling a blanket over her. 

Her bed is warm and soft, nice, it feels so nice. Tsuneko pulls her pillow close to her face nuzzling against it.  Her eyelids and limbs feel heavy, Chisato’s voice becomes a murmur of white noise before fading away into silence. 

Warm light on her face and a dull pain in her head is what wakes Tsuneko up.  She yawns and swallows, her mouth is dry. A few blinks help clear her vision and she sees a glass of water on her side table with aspirin next to it. That’s right, she groans into her pillow, Chisato and Sakiko came in while she was drunk last night. 

She swallows the pills and gulps down the water, before she falls back onto her bed. It’s her warm and snuggly safe haven at the moment.   Physically, she feels better after getting some decent sleep. Long easy sleeps are few and far between for her, alcohol is the easiest way to kill any dreams. But, the entire situation still makes her sick mentally and emotionally. 

She knows she was too cruel with the Hatter, lashing out like a wounded animal. But, that doesn’t change the fact that any semblance of a friendship she thought could be built with him is gone. Any hopes she had of letting her guard down around him have been shot to shit. He was still an asshole and no matter how she looks at it, he saw her tragedy as a chance to benefit. 

But, she was using his little fantasy character to make herself feel better, to give herself a safe place. Isn’t that kind of taking advantage of his mental illness, or problems at the very least, for her benefit? 

Ugh, she doesn’t want to think, that’s the whole reason she was drinking. Her memories of last night are fuzzy, as always. She knows Chisato and Sakiko showed up, already an awful thing. Tsuneko is a messy drunk and doesn’t like other people seeing her like that. She closes her eyes and thinks on it for a bit, foggy memories of Sakiko’s lips and the sweet taste of her mouth, the warmth of her body. 

“Ahhh!” 

Heat shoots up Tsuneko’s face and she burrows into her pillow. She kissed Sakiko, on top of all of this bullshit, she kissed Sakiko. She must be furious. Tsuneko not only acted like a pathetic loser, she was super gross and forced a kiss a Sakiko.  

She grabs her phone off the charger, bringing it under the blankets with her, back into warm safety. Sakiko and Chisato would be at work, she sends quick apologies. She seems to be apologizing a lot lately, a heavy sigh escapes her. Additionally, Shinobu still hasn’t texted her back. He’s never gone this long without talking to her, maybe he’s finally sick of her. 

“Ugh.” 

She tosses her phone until the floor, sick of looking at it, and looks into Kiyo’s cage from her bed.  He’s sleeping, food and water still filled. At this point it feels like Chisato and Sakiko take better care of him than her. She’s beyond fucking useless. 

Another groan and sigh slip out as she burrows back into her nest of comfort. This is supposed to be a self-care day, or some shit. 

Tsuneko only knows a couple coping mechanisms for when she's desperately trying to shut off her brain. It's too early for more alcohol, plus she has to work tonight. Eating her emotions is nice, but she'd have to get up out of bed to raid her fridge, which sounds like a fate worse than death at the moment. Same thing with going for a run or going to a nearby gym. Her other favorite coping mechanism keeps coming to mind. 

Drowning her brain in pleasure sounds a lot better than driving herself insane for the rest of her down time. Her body already feels primed for, alcohol turns her on enough to demand make out sessions, but she always wakes up feeling like her body wanted more.

She pulls her favorite soft pink body pillow under her, wrapping herself around it. Her sleep clothes are thin. The seam of the pillow case is thicker and presses against her sex through the fabric of her shorts. She's already a little wet and the first grind of her hips against the pillow sends a jolt of pleasure through her body. 

Her fingers tighten around the pillowcase and she buries her face into the plush of it. She can almost imagine she's grinding against someone, hot friction against her swollen clit. 

A little imagination is all it takes to feel like there's someone underneath her. Her mind turns the plush of a pillow into the firmness of a body, the thick seam into the grind of someone's hardening cock. Her hips hump harder, a steady pleasure building between her thighs and tension winding tight in her stomach. 

She can envision her nails digging into someone's back, firm muscle instead of soft give. Pants and whines of pleasure muffle against her pillow. Her entire body feels hot, sweat beading across her skin, the heat amplified by the blanket covering her.

Her nipples rub against the pillow, her tank falling off her shoulders and revealing more of her. She can almost convince herself her chest is rubbing against someone else's, firmer than her own. 

The fantasy partner in her head grows clearer and clearer with every frantic grind of her hips. Someone much taller, hard muscle where she's soft squish. She can just picture, a man beneath her, letting out low groans, as she grinds her slick cunt against him. 

Dark hair falling into his face as sweat makes a mess of it, a flush over his handsome face, dark stormy blue eyes shut tight as she-

"Ahh!"

She kicks her pillow away like it's burned her, realization of who her fantasy man was hits her like ice water. 

Oh, the man who threatened her with a gun.

She was actually fantasizing about grinding on the cock of a sexist asshole who was going to shoot her over candy. 

No, no, no. 

Tsuneko scrambles from the bed, she's not that fucked in the head. She can't help he's attractive and if anything it's his fault for taking his shirt off in front of her that first night. He’s confused her damn brain; it's getting it's fear and lust wires crossed.

She needs an ice cold shower, something to clear her mind and cool her libido. The sound of an engine, closer to the dormitories than usual catches her attention before she can reach the bathroom. She pushes up her window and peeks out, what’s going on? From her window she can look down at the backlot of the Tres Spades. 

There’s a truck just outside the back entrance, parked but the engine running. The back trailer is open with a ramp. Two men loading items onto it, she can’t clearly see everything from her vantage point.  Something glints, catching the sunlight and her heart drops. A bronze goddess statue that she’d recognize anywhere, the one with a nice rack that he showed her. Why are they loading up his stuff?

She barely has enough sense to grab her phone and shove on sneakers before she’s out the door. The elevator is too slow, she runs down the stairs jumping over several steps at a time desperate to reach the lot as soon as possible. She narrowly avoids tripping as she leaves the dormitory. 

The truck trailer is closed and it’s pulls out with wheels squealing just as she reaches the lot. She tries to take a picture of the license plate. It drives off too fast for her eyes to catch it and when she checks the photo it’s too blurry. She curses under her breath as she darts into the hotel. 

The Mad Hatter rarely leaves Wonderland, which means he must have run into those people. Did they hurt him? Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

She cuts a path to the stairs and sprints down towards Wonderland. Her foot catches on the second to final step and she goes tumbling forward, she manages to break her fall with her hands. An ache goes through her hand, but she rushes back to her feet and keeps running.

Her heart rabbits in her chest as she throws open the door to Wonderland. It’s a whiplash of relief than pain when she sees the Hatter is safe then sees the look of pain on his face. He’s sitting curled up in his chair with his knees to his chest, completely despondent, the tea room is now practically barren aside from the table and chairs. Cheshire is standing near him, mewling softly. 

“Hey,” Tsuneko calls out as she rushes near him, “hey, talk to me.” 

She crouches down in front of him, trying to make contact and get him to talk to her. His eyes are sad and there’s a pang in her heart. 

“Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you?” 

He slowly shakes his head no, at least some sort of response. She chews her lip, they need to try and get this figured out. There are security cameras near the backlot, around the majority of the hotel. It might have gotten a clearer look at the truck. 

She dials up Kenzaki’s phone number, her phone has a few more scuffs from her fall, at this rate it won’t be long until she needs a new one. It takes a few rings, but finally Kenzaki answers her. 

“Tomori, is something wrong?” His calm complacent voice greets her. 

“Yeah, um, the guest in the tea room,” Tsuneko chooses her words carefully,  “he was just robbed, I saw them leaving the backlot. We have security camera there, right?” 

“Hmm, that is concerning. Yes, we do, but I’ll have to contact Mr. Ichinomiya about this.” 

“Uh, oh, I don’t think-“ 

The phone clicks as Kenzaki hangs up on her, great, now she has to deal with Ichinomiya. She lets out a heavy sigh, the Hatter’s artificially blue eyes are looking at her. There’s a mixture of pain and curiosity in her eyes. Just yesterday, she was tearing him down and now she’s trying to help him.  She has to be giving the poor man whiplash from hell. 

She’s still not quite ready to apologize for her outburst yesterday, especially considering he hasn’t apologized for his own comment.  But, that’s not the most important thing right now. Regardless of how she feels about the Hatter, this is wrong; no one has a right to just take his things. Even if she truly hated him, she wouldn’t want him to suffer through this alone. As recent a development as it might be, she does have some empathy. She grabs a chair and pulls it up to sit next to him. 

“Okay, sweetie,” she talks low and calmly, like she’s speaking to a child, “do you know who the people were that took your stuff?” 

“The Dormouse and March Hare…” 

Heat simmers under her skin, she’s not sure how long those two had been here, but they were here before her. They must have just been waiting for a good chance to take everything from him. The Hatter saw them as friends too, despite their despondent nature, he saw them as crucial characters in his Wonderland. He must have. And then the assholes go and rob him. 

“This is why you never trust a furry,” she tries to joke, not even earning a smile from the Hatter, “or at least not the half-assed ones. I mean if you’re gonna be a furry commit, right?” 

He looks up at her from his curled up position and she gives him a little smile, hoping to get him to crack up even a little bit. He’s usually so jovial, but between her verbal assaults yesterday and this, it feels like he does nothing but frown lately. After a moment, a soft smile pulls at his painted lips. 

‘That’s better, now, do you know what the Dormouse and March Hare’s real names are, outside of Wonderland?” 

He shakes his head no and her breath catches in her throat, he doesn’t know who those people really are? At all? This entire time he’s allowed strangers into Wonderland and just trusted them not to hurt him… He really is like a child, who puts that kind of blind trust in strangers?

“Sweetie, how exactly did you meet them?” 

“They were selling dropping off items meant to sell at the auction, I offered them roles in Wonderland.” 

“And they just accepted…?” 

“I offered them payment.” 

“You were paying them to be here?”  

She bites her lip, that’s so fucking reckless. The fuckers must have gotten greedy and decided they wanted more, so they robbed him blind. They saw someone vulnerable and they jumped to take advantage. She runs a hand through her tangled mess of hair. 

“Look, you can’t ju-“ 

“What’s going on here?” 

Tsuneko’s nose wrinkles, her face contorting in disgust at that familiar voice. She managed to be free of him for a whole day and she wishes nothing more than to have stretched that time out longer. 

She tucks a strand of hair back behind her ear and crosses her arms over her chest, suddenly aware of how thin her pajama shirt is. Ichinomiya strides into the room and the other penthouse guests trail after, why are they all there? She avoids looking at Oh, given recent…events. 

“He was robbed, I saw the truck leave with his stuff, but I couldn’t get a look at the license plate.” 

“And you were here, dressed like that?” Kisaki is the one to pipe up, staring at Tsuneko’s outfit. 

She wishes she would have had the foresight to at least grab a jacket. Her white top is cropped, white, low-cut, and her lack of a bra isn’t doing her much favors. The pajama shorts are embarrassing in a whole different way, pink gingham and little strawberries decorating them. Her face burns hot with shame, but there's something far more important to worry about. 

“I have the later shift; I was at home when I saw them taking his stuff from my window. Somehow trying to stop a robbery was more important than throwing on jeans.” 

“And we’re all blessed for it,” Baba says with a wink and her stomach churns. 

“If we could shift our focus from my tits to the crime that’s been committed, that’d be great.” 

“Who would have been able to rob him?” Oh asks, his disdain for all things feminine working in her favor at the moment. 

“Guys who were part of the whole Wonderland spiel. He doesn’t know their names, though.” 

“What did they even take?” 

Kisaki is poking around looking into rooms, his face contorted into disgust, over what she’s not sure. His face is particularly punchable at the moment. 

“They took the decoration for the tea party and the stuff from my room…” 

“Is that all?” 

Ichinomiya’s voice is harsh and cuts like a knife, what little bit of happiness had returned to the Hatter’s eyes leaves. Her nails dig into her arms. 

“Seriously, he’s just been robbed and you wanna be an asshole?” 

Ichinomiya meets her glare, neither breaking eye contact. 

“And what would you suggest I do?” His condescending tone makes her nails dig harder into her skin. 

“Literally anything, you have security cameras for a fucking reason. Figure out who took his shit, get it back. Be nice for half a second, something.” 

“If it was serious enough, he knows how to contact me.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re just so easy to talk to.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“What would have happened if I didn’t see them taking his stuff away? Would you have ever found out?” 

“I’m not his babysitter.” 

“Really, that’s what you’re going with?!” She stands from her chair, nearly knocking it over and clenching her fist tight as she glares at him, “What if he got hurt? Just gonna find him down here dead, next time you needed him?” 

“Pff,” he scoffs, “you’re being dramatic.” 

“Am I? Do you know who those men were, ‘cause he sure as hell doesn’t! All he knows is that they were involved in one of your auctions.  So, you know, real stand up guys. I mean the men who sold me were just so kind when they bashed my skull against the ground and threw me in a cage, I’m sure no one like that would hurt him!” 

Her throat feels raw and Ichinomiya breaks eye contact for a moment. Whether because of annoyance or she’s managed to actually break through his thick skull, she can’t be sure. After a moment his eyes meet hers again and steps forward. She meets his gaze and stands her ground. 

“I have more important things to do than watch him every second.”  

“So, you’re just too damn busy to keep an eye on who’s in your hotel. What if they had gone upstairs, robbed some guests while they were at it! Or, maybe since they know about the auctions, they manage to get into the storeroom and steal some shit from there! How careless can you be?!” 

“You sound like parents arguing over how to raise a child,” Baba teases and bile rises in the back of Tsuneko’s throat.  Kisaki snickers and Kishi chuckles, Oh even looks vaguely amused by the comment. 

“Gross.” 

“Enough of this,” Ichinomiya sneers, “we’re having a dinner meeting with the Buccis, now go make yourself presentable. If you’re capable of that.” 

He starts to stride out of the room and Tsuneko groans, gritting her teeth and clenching her fist tighter. 

“Seriously!? You aren’t going to do anything!?” 

“Don’t waste your time worrying about this, be ready in ten minutes.”  

He leaves the room and Tsuneko pinches the bridge of her nose. Is he serious? His event matters more than the Hatter being robbed? Oh’s gray suit passes by in her peripheral and she focuses her eyes on the ground. 

“What a waste of time.” He scoffs before leaving the room and Tsuneko bites her lip, they don’t even care about one of their own. 

“I’m not staying in this creepy place for another second.” 

Kisaki leaves and Tsuneko flinches as Baba puts a hand on her shoulder;why is he touching her?

“Don’t worry, just go ahead and get ready pretty lady,” he tells her before leaving and Kishi starts to follow after. 

“Aren’t you a cop!?”  

“Not my department.” 

And just like that, the Hatter and her are left alone in Wonderland. She wants to scream, do they seriously not care? He’s a part of their little group, even if only tangentially, then again she’s not sure how much they all even care for each other. Baba and Kisaki are clear friends, same for Oh and Ichinomiya. Kishi and the Hatter are outliers. The Hatter is the weird man in the basement that none of them seem to bother with until they need him to host auctions. Kishi is some boring old guy who sleeps up there and…he has to have contributed something at some point, she assumes. 

“Okay,” she spins on her feels to look at the Hatter, “they’re useless, but I’m going to try and get this sorted.” 

“But…you have to help Eisuke.”

“Unfortunately, yes, as much as I wanna skip out on, that would be breaking our bet. But, I will be finished with that at some point. And in the meantime I need you to do something.” 

His eyes widen and blink a few times. He tilts his head as she rummages around Wonderland, finding pen and paper in his room. 

“While I’m dealing with his bullshit, I want you to write down everything you can think of that you know about the March Hare and Dormouse. The date you met them, what items they were selling that night, anything. Can you do that for me?” 

“Yeah…I can do that.” 

He nods and starts writing stuff down. Tsuneko’s heart feels heavy and she has to resist the temptation to hug him. She needs to get this figured out for him. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, I promise.” 

“Promise?” He offers his pinky finger and she hooks her own around it. 

“Promise.” 

She reluctantly leaves the Hatter alone in Wonderland and ventures back to her dorm. Tsuneko showers and throws together an event outfit as quick as possible before heading back to the hotel 

Her brain keeps straying back to the Hatter and the robbery; if she had gotten out of bed sooner maybe she would have caught them? Maybe, if she’s lucky Kenzaki will let her look at security camera footage. But, even if she did what could she do about it? Would filing a police report even be an option? They’d probably question a strange Hatter in the hotel basement and it could lead to them discovering the auctions which are a whole different kind of shit show. Maybe, she can pretend it’s her stuff that was stolen? 

“You’re late.” The curt voice of Ichinomiya makes her stop outside the hotel, in front of his limousine. 

“You’re not wrong.” 

Tsuneko shrugs, her mind still wandering, and Ichinomiya sighs. 

“Ridiculous.” 

Then he’s in her space, the scent of his cologne tickles her nose and his hands are gripping her blazer, pushing it off her shoulders.  His hands are warm where they brush against her skin, heat floods her face. 

“Hey!? What are you doing!?” 

“It’s inside out, do you not even know how to dress yourself?” Ichinomiya sneers as he takes off her jacket, sure enough it’s inside out. Her face flushes a deeper red and she fiddles with her earring.

“I wasn’t paying attention, shut up,” 

She reaches out to grab the blazer back, but he lifts it above her head and she stumbles forward, nearly falling into his chest as she tries to reach it. He smirks at her feeble attempt to get it back. 

“It looks better without it.” 

“Fine, whatever.” 

She rolls her eyes and starts to move away when he places his other hand on her hip, pulling her tighter against him. Tsuneko presses her hand against his ribs, trying to increase the distance. 

“Having fun, you two?” 

Mr. Bucci’s voice rings out and Tsuneko is finally able to squirm away from the smirking Ichinomiya. Mr. Bucci is smiling pleasantly while Carolina is glaring daggers at her. 

“Sorry about that,” Ichinomiya says, not a hint of remorse in his voice. 

He opens the limousine the door, putting her blazer out of the way, before keeping the door open for the rest of them to file in. Ichinomiya slides into his seat, close beside her. She tries to make herself smaller and avoid any contact. He hands her his tablet, fingers stroking over her wrist as he asks her to take notes for the night.

“So, what were you two talking about earlier?” Mr. Bucci asks with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, like he’d caught two lovers flirting. Meanwhile Carolina is glaring at her in disgust, fair enough, the thought disgusts Tsuneko just as much. 

“Nothing much, I had to correct a minor wardrobe issue, it would have been done sooner but she was running a little late.” 

Tsuneko glares at him; he didn’t miss a chance to throw her under the bus, that’s for sure. 

“Can’t dress herself or be on time, you should just fire her already,” Carolina huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. 

“That reminds me,” Ichinomiya reaches into his jacket and produces a neatly wrapped box, “a gift to thank you for all your hard work, Tsuneko.” 

Tsuneko narrows her eyes, he’s laying it on thick and she forces a smile as she takes the box. He watches her with that fake soft look as she opens up the box, the cat shaped watch she was looking at during the shopping trip with Carolina.  The band is a soft pink color and the metal is a rose gold. It’s cute but subtly so. 

“I saw you looking at it the other day; I figured it’d be practical as well.” 

“You’re too nice,” Tsuneko forces a smile but she’s glaring, “I couldn’t possibly-“ 

“It’s the least I can do for all the work you do for me.” 

If she doesn’t accept it, he’ll give her hell, this is all for his business agenda. She murmurs half hearted thanks as Ichinomiya fastens it around her wrist, making a point of skimming his fingers across her skin. Every bit of contact makes her want to lash out. They’re sitting in the back of a limousine with Ichinomiya making fake goo-goo eyes at her while the Hatter is sitting in Wonderland hurt and suffering. 

She’s not sure what the relationship between the Hatter and the other bidders is exactly, but shouldn’t he come before some networking event. Carolina is still glaring as Ichinomiya steers the conversation with Mr. Bucci back to business. 

Tsuneko tries to stay present enough to keep coherent notes, but they’re less detailed than last time. Her mind continually wanders back to the Hatter and what she can do about getting his stuff back. 

She’s sleepwalking through the rest of the evening, she’s just focused enough to do what’s asked of her, but she doesn’t talk or respond unless absolutely needed. She tries not to bristle or avoid Ichinomiya’s fake lovey dovey too much, so not to earn any extra ire. Tsuneko doesn’t properly taste any of the food as they go through the dinner, running completely on autopilot. Mr. Bucci and Ichinomiya prattle on about business while Carolina glares daggers, getting in occasional insults at Tsuneko’s expense. Her brain continuously wanders back to the Hatter. 

What if she can’t get anything back for him? 

What if those robbers come back? What if he gets hurt?

She’s running through every what if and disastrous possibility and before she knows it the dinner is coming to a close and they’re all leaving the restaurant. 

“Oooh,” Carolina’s eyes go wide at the sight of a designer store, “c’mon Eisuke, you can pick me out another dress!”

“I’m afraid that I have work to do back at the hotel, so Tsuneko and I will have to end the evening here. But, I’ll arrange for my driver to come back when you’ve finished your shopping.”

“Understood,” Mr. Bucci says despite Carolina’s pouting. 

They go off into the store and Ichinomiya opens the limousine door for Tsuneko to slide in. He follows suit and the second the door has closed his fake smile falls away. Hazel eyes glare at Tsuneko, she digs her nails into her thighs as the car starts to move. 

“That was pathetic.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“A brick wall had more personality than you tonight.” 

“Are you actually complaining about me being quiet?” 

“Your moping ruined the evening for everyone, are you still worrying about the Hatter?” 

“Yes, obviously! While we’re eating some five star meal, he’s down in the basement scared, hurt, and miserable!”

“He’s an adult, he’ll be fine. I’m not going to stop everything for one incident.” 

“I’m not asking you to stop everything, you dramatic fuck. I asked you do something, anything! I asked for the bare minimum and you still disappointed me!” 

“I disappointed, you? Who do you think you are?” 

“Someone who’s disappointed in you,” he huffs and looks away, “have you even thought about him this entire time? Those people know where he is, what if they come back, what if they hurt him?!” 

“Working yourself up into a panic attack won’t help anything.” 

“I’m well aware of that, so why the fuck, aren’t we there doing something that will help? Oh wait, because all you care about is your own business!” 

“Yes, my business is more important than a few trinkets being stolen from the Hatter.” 

“It’s not just what’s been stolen; did you see how hurt he was? He’s in a bad place and you don’t give a shit. God, I knew you were a jackass, but don’t you have an ounce of empathy?” 

She rakes a hand through her hair and sighs. Ichinomiya doesn’t respond now, but the frustration and anger radiates off of him. Tsuneko understands that he needs to make money and run his company, but he just dismissed the Hatter without another thought. He could have worked something out, done something. But, no, nothing, not a single shred of kindness or empathy. The Hatter was already in a bad place, thanks to her lashing out, she thinks back to the hurt look he had as she tore into him. At the time she didn’t care, but now it’s eating her alive. 

She’s hurt a lot of people in her life. She doesn’t want to do that anymore. What the Hatter said still hurts her, that he saw her vulnerable and decided to tear her down further. But, her reaction wasn’t right either. He called her an ugly crier and she tore apart his entire being. Someone pinched her and she tried to rip their throat out. 

 Tsuneko notices a few familiar buildings passing by the limousine, they’re near Parole and she remembers the lemon chiffon cupcakes, maybe those would lift the Hatter’s mood? 

“Hey, can you stop up here?” Tsuneko asks the driver. 

“What are you doing?” Ichinomiya gives her that all too familiar look of annoyance. 

“I need to go to the bakery.” 

“We just had dinner, are you that much of a glutton?”

“Just stop the fucking car.” Tsuneko’s voice is clipped, he’s such an asshole. 

She swings the door opens and hops out before the car has come to a complete stop, but close enough and rushes to get in before they close. All she wants to do is something nice for the Hatter, even a little thing that might brighten up his garbage day. 

The cute guy, Rin, is behind the counter when she comes in. He raises an eyebrow at her as she rushes over.

“You’re cutting it close again,” he comments.

“I know, I’m sorry. Do you have any more of the lemon chiffon cupcakes?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Great, can I get like a dozen of those?” 

“Sure, you must have really liked them,” he says as he starts packing the sweets away in a box.

“They’re for my…” what exactly is the Hatter? No word she thinks of feels right, friend is too familiar. Acquaintance or someone she knows from work are too distant, “there for someone, he’s had a bad day.” 

“I don’t really care,” he tells her as he rings it up, is everyone an asshole? She thinks for a moment and decides to add an iced frappuccino concoction, extra sweet stuff. Maybe that will lower Ichinomiya’s asshole threshold and he’ll be more likely to help the Hatter, catch more flies with honey and all that. She’s not fond of the idea of extending an olive branch to that man and perhaps it’s more manipulative than peaceful. 

“Well, thanks for putting up with me coming in late all the time.” 

She pays for the order and picks up the large box; these should bring a smile to the Hatter’s face if nothing else. 

“You remind me of someone,” Rin says suddenly, staring at her for a moment. 

“Really, who?” 

“This stray calico cat that’s always here begging for food and is always fighting the bigger cats.” 

Tsuneko’s face falls, Kisaki compares her to a dog and he compares her to a stray cat, what kind of bullshit is this?

“You’re no longer cute.” 

His face flushes red up to his ears again and he tries to cover them, irritation clear. 

“I’ve never been cute, shut up.” 

“Are you done wasting my time?” 

Ichinomiya’s voice makes her jolt, he’s standing in the doorway and glaring at them with his arms crossed over his chest. Everything about his body language makes her blood boil, she’s been here maybe five minutes. 

“Yeah, I’m done, asshole.” 

The insult makes Ichinomiya rolls his eyes and leave the store, she follows after him after waving a bye to Rin. The door nearly hits her in the face where she’s carrying the box and drink. Ichinomiya is walking away to where the car is parked, no concern for her. 

“Do you have to be so impatient?” 

“I don’t have the time or desire to watch you flirt.” He doesn’t bother to turn around, like she’s not even worth the energy to do so. 

“I was trying to buy something for the Hatter, because I want to make him feel better, god why are you such an asshole!?” 

“I don’t owe you any explanation.” 

“Can you at least turn around and talk to me, if you’re gonna be a dick!” 

“Go back to being quiet, you were less annoying.” 

“You know I got this drink for you, right? As a peace offering.”  Her nails dig against the cup. 

“Pfft, are you so stupid you think I can be won over with a drink, pathetic.” 

“My mistake,” she says before throwing it at the back of his head. 

He freezes in place as it bust into a mess; whip cream, chocolate, and iced coffee slush matting in his hair before running down the back of his fancy suit. She’s reaching into the box for a cupcake as he starts to turn around. 

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” 

The dessert splatters against his chest as the question ends. Whip cream from the drink somehow made it into his bangs, threatening to drip into his glaring eyes. 

“I’m sick of your shit,” she tosses another cupcake, smashing against his cheek before he can smack it away, “you’re a condescending rude asshole!”

“Are you done with your tantrum?” 

“Don’t patronize me!” 

"You're a child," he spits back.

"You're a selfish prat, all you care about is your damn self!"

"Maybe so, but I won’t stand for you trying to make me look like an idiot.” 

"Yeah, I'm just humiliating you in front of everyone," she gestures at the empty streets, "you know, maybe it's my fault for actually expecting better from you! I should have known that someone who bought me can't show kindness to anyone, even the people in his little fucked up circle."

"Is that how you see it?"

He steps closer, glaring her down. He'd be intimidating if not for the mess of icing and whip cream smeared over his face.

"Yeah, that's how I fucking see it. You're nothing but a heartless bastard."

"Believe it or not, buying you was a kindness," he's in her space, looming over her, "do you know what kind of people could have purchased you that night?"

"I-"

His hand on her chin cuts off her words, his nails pressing into her skin as he keeps her head in place. He leans his own down, keeping eye contact. A panicky thought he might be trying to kiss her rushes through her brain. But he stops just before their noses touch, his breath hot on her face.

"Would you have been happier in some pervert’s cellar?” he pauses for a moment, “You should be thankful, I found you pitiful enough to help."

"But not pitiful enough to let me go free."

"I'm not stupid enough to throw away things I can find a use for."

"Don't act like you gave a shit about saving me that night. I don't buy it. I could drop dead tomorrow and all you'd care about is your precious little deal."

She smacks his hand away from her face and walks off, she's done with this. He seriously wants to act like he's some fucking savior, he's the reason her life has gone to such shit lately.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm walking back to the hotel."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Fuck off."

She ignores anything else he says and starts heading towards the hotel. There's a hum of an engine and slowly she sees Ichinomiya's limousine driving at a snail’s pace so the back of the car is beside her as she walks. The window rolls down, messy Ichinomiya glaring at her.

"Enough of this, get in the car."

She throws another cupcake, but he rolls up the window before it can hit him, coating the fancy car's door and glass. It rolls back down smearing and streaking the mess.

"Fine, be stubborn."

The window goes back up and the limousine drives off. Such an asshole.

Her feet are aching and she pulling off her heels to walk barefoot when she reaches the back lot. The walk isn't that far but in high heels it takes longer and leaves her with blisters.

She hobbles down the stairs to the sub-basement and knocks on the door to Wonderland.

No answer.

She knocks again, harder and faster. Her throat is tight.

No answer.

Did those people come back? Could he be hurt?

She wrenches the door open and pushes her way in.

"I'm coming in, are you-"

Her yells die in her throat as she lays eyes on a startled man. A towel around his waist, water clinging to the exposed skin. His thick dark hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, but the style is mostly familiar, as is his height, thin figure, and he's around the same age...as the Hatter. His dark eyes are wide as he stares at her.

Then he's gone. 

[beccaraecarter]

In Your Arms- III

Namjoon couldn’t tell if he was excited, or if he was really nervous. He couldn’t believe she agreed, much less put up a fight about it.

He had to figure out what he was going to wear. He figured she didn’t care but that didn’t mean he didn’t. When you wear something nice, it is to make an impression, it’s what his mother taught him.

He figured he’d go for a casual look; after all, he wants to make sure she doesn’t see the player look in him anymore.

He rummaged through his closet, looking for something laidback. His eyes landed on a blue silk button up shirt. He smirks to himself. ‘This will do.’ He thought.

He grabbed the shirt and hung it on the door frame. He stands back, and looks around his drawers to find black ripped jeans. He pulls them out, and hangs it underneath the shirt on the frame. He stands in the middle of his closet; thoughts running in his head.

He grabs his phone and opens the front camera. He takes a picture of the outfit, and sends it to Yoongi. He hopes he can at least say it looks good for a date.

He sees his phone light up; Seeing that he responded back quickly.

To: Namjoon- From: Yoongi Hyung-

Why are you sending me a picture of your wardrobe?

Namjoon rolls his eyes at the response. He knows Hyung doesn’t care, but he needs an opinion stat.

To: Yoongi Hyung- From: Namjoon-

Don’t give me that. I need your opinion. Does this look ok for a date?

He quickly types in a response to the grumpy elder. He knows if Hyung responses like that, He is most likely working and or stressed.

To: Namjoon- From: Yoongi Hyung-

You have a date? When did this happen?

He had totally forgotten to tell Yoongi Hyung that he found the mystery girl.

Well, she is no longer a mystery girl, but she definitely has something she’s hiding.

To- Yoongi Hyung- From: Namjoon-

Yes I have date. It’s with the girl I was telling you about. Her name is Mina.

Namjoon types back and decides to look around his closet some more incase something caught his eye.

He hears his phone go off.

To: Namjoon- From: Yoongi Hyung-

Wait What? What do you mean the girl? You’re saying you found her? Namjoon-ah, answer me!!

Namjoon laughs at his dumb-founded friend.

To: Yoongi Hyung- From: Namjoon-

Yes, Yoongi Hyung. I found her. She’s agreed to at least hang out with me. Hyung…. She isn’t who she seems.

Namjoon replies back. He hesitates on the response. He doesn’t even know if he should be sharing personal information with his friend.

Just then, he hears his ringtone go off. He sees that Yoongi was, in fact, calling him.

He answers it calmly. “Hello Hyung.”

“So… You want to tell me how the hell you found her?” He hears the elder’s voice in the microphone.

“Hyung, I just went back to the park she was at. It wasn’t that hard, considering that fact that she was there late in the evening.” Namjoon responded, while walking out of his closet and sitting on his bed. He glanced at his clock that hung on the wall. He saw it was only 11:11 at night.

“Namjoon-ah, That’s very stalker like. I’m surprised she actually agreed to talk to you. Not saying you’re not a joy to talk to, just the way she acted towards you… It showed you know?” He hears Yoongi speak into the line.

Namjoon nodded, “Yeah, I know…. But you know how I was acting when I didn’t see her.”

“Yeah, you were very pissy.” Yoongi replied. Namjoon scoffed, “Yah Hyung! I wasn’t that pissy.”

That line was silent for a while. Namjoon sighed, “Ok maybe just a little bit.”

Yoongi laughed. “Oh by the way… what did you mean in your text… where you said she’s not who she seems?” Yoongi asked.

Namjoon bit his tongue. He should be able to tell his best friend, but he feels that he would be breaking a possible bond that was blossoming between him and Mina. He couldn’t afford to break her trust. Not when they are starting to get to know each other.

“Well… I thought she was some criminal but it turned out she needs help. I plan on helping her in any way I can.” Namjoon managed to come up with a little white lie.

“Oh ok… You made it seem like she was a criminal. Ok, well nothing too big to worry about then, huh Namjoon-ah?” Yoongi asked. “Yeah, nothing too big… I’m hanging up now.” Namjoon replied. “Ok. Night Namjoon…. Oh, and the outfit was a good choice.” Yoongi said.

They both hang up, and Namjoon feels happy that Yoongi liked his choice, but there was a foreign feeling settling in his stomach.

Did he do the right thing in not telling Yoongi what Mina actually was? He hopes this doesn’t affect their friendship but none of that matters now.

What matters is getting some rest, because he has a very important date tomorrow.

~

Namjoon was waiting outside the apartment complex Mina told him she lived in. He figured he’d be a gentleman, and wait for her in front of the car. He felt anxious all of a sudden, not wanting to make a bad impression on her; The palms of his hands starting to become a little warm for his liking.

He pulls out his phone to check if Mina had texted him, and to his surprise, she did.

To: Namjoon- From: Mina-

Making my way downstairs.

He smiles at the message. He puts his phone back in his pocket. When he looks up, he sees her walking through the glass doors. He sees her look up at him and he could tell he was in awe because of her.

She was wearing the same hoodie he had seen yesterday, but she had a little bit of makeup on, along with a navy blue skirt, ripped leggings, and black boots.

She looked laidback but also very cute in his eyes.

“You clean up nice Namjoon…” She said, with a hint of a teasing tone. “Y-you look very beautiful..” Namjoon can’t believe he stuttered in front of such a beauteous girl. He felt his cheeks flush, and she just stares at him, but he catches glimpse of something in her eye.

It looked like she was in awe of him as well.

“Here.” Namjoon finally functions to move himself, and opens the car doors for her. She looked at him, shock replacing the awe in her eyes.

“Was not expecting a gentleman to come from you.” She said as she got into the car.

He scoffed a little. How could she be so quick to judge someone?

They barely know each other.

He made his way to the drivers side, and got into the car. He made they were both buckled in safe. “Can I ask you something?” Namjoon asked as he got the car started, and began to drive.

“Is this how our day is going to be?” She retorted, crossing her arms in the process.

“I told you. I have more questions. Which I intend on finding out. Will you let me ask, and not jump to a conclusion about it?” Namjoon said. He felt out of his element by responding that way. She probably regrets coming with him now.

“Ok… what’s your question?” He finally hears her ask after a deafening silence formed between them.

“Ok… Thank you….. I know it’s getting a little bit cooler with the season changing to fall. But it is still warm outside. Why are you wearing a hoodie?” He asked her.

“To hide my ears, and tail. The public doesn’t need to know I’m a hybrid.” She responds.

“Because of the discrimination, right?” Namjoon asked again. “Yeah, exactly like that. People, as soon as they see a hybrid because of ears or a tail, they immediately are quick to judge. Either by a stare, someone actually saying something, or by getting jumped.” Mina responds.  

Namjoon’s eyes widen at this. How could the world be so cruel, yet fascinated with these amazing creatures? Namjoon really couldn’t stand the thought of some human degrading a hybrid just because they are different.

They drive in a comfortable silence for a while until Namjoon finds the small café. Namjoon pulled into the parking lot and found the first space that was open. He pulled up to the space and parked the car. He sees that she is about to get out by herself, and quickly rushes out of the car to open her door.

She looks up at him in shock, “Wow, you must be wanting to impress me today. It’s ok though. I’ve never had a guy open the car door for me.” She gets out of the car, and Namjoon makes sure to lock it.

He manages to catch up with Mina, and an idea popped in his head.

As soon as he got close enough, he grabbed her hand and wrapped his finger against her small ones.

He sees her look at him; Eyebrows furrowed, and she tried to pull away like the last two times, but he held onto her hand.

“Is this really necessary? What are you doing?” She asked him.

“Yes it is. Not be quiet, and lets get some breakfast.” He responded, while pulling her into the café.

~

After They had ordered what they both wanted, Namjoon wanted to finally ask more question and hopefully gain her trust. But she beat him to it.

“Alright Namjoon. Let me ask a few questions. Since this is a get to know each other kind of thing.” She said suddenly.

Namjoon was taken back by her comment. But she did have a point. He might as well answer some questions.

“Ok Namjoon. Personal facts. Where are you from, when were you born, all that jazz.” She asked.

“Well easy to answer for you. Born September 12th, 1994. I’m from Ilsan, Gyeonggi-d. Mom. dad, and younger sister.” Namjoon replied.

“Ok… So…. This might be a little rude, but have you always been a player?” He hears her ask.

Namjoon could honestly laugh. This answer could finally clear up some confusion between them. Or it could cloud it up even stronger.

“Well… no.” Namjoon said. Mina blinked with a surprised expression. He sighed, and looked down at his cup of coffee, and fiddled with the napkin on the table.

“Believe it or not, yeah I wasn’t always a player. I had my first girlfriend back in Secondary school. She was everything to me, but she had been using me, and wanted to get to me and my family for money. She would say the meanest things too. So after that, I just started acting like a player to cover up the pain. Though at first it was an act, I started becoming the character. I stopped the player facade about four months ago, after I met you.” Namjoon finished.

Mina just looked at him with a starry look to her face. He could see the wheels in her head turning, as if she is trying to figure out what to say.

“I… guess I had been assuming the wrong story. I apologize for that.” She responded.

“You don’t have to apologize. I think I held it inside of me long enough. It feels better to get it off my chest.” He reassured her. She smiled at him, and he felt his chest fill with warmth. Her smile sent him feeling the butterfly effect in the pit of his stomach.

“I guess we both assumed wrong things.” Namjoon said after a moment of silence between them.

“I guess. I feel a bit better knowing you shared something so deep and personal. And I’m happy you feel better about it too.” She replied.

He didn’t need someone to tell him that he felt his cheeks blush at her comment.

He was hoping someday he’ll get to learn her story too.

~By: Becca<3

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Fic Writer Meme! tagged by @aban-asaara, thank you!! a nice meme to self-indulgently wind down with after a stressful day...

What is your total word count on AO3?

160,546. I had forgotten all about the AO3 stats page until having to dig that out, oops. I have more short drabbles etc on tumblr as well (and a LOT of stuff I just... never finished/posted anywhere).

How often do you write?

varies hugely depending on what else is going on in my life. In good times, I aim for daily, at least 500 words. During years I participate in NaNoWriMo, 1500-2000 per day in November. Other times I just can’t make even 500 happen with work/etc. Still more other times, my depression kicks in and I’m pretty useless at everything, and unfortunately go months with no writing at all. 

Do you have a routine for writing?

I try to write in several short bursts. If doing 500/words/day, then two chunks of 250, and some editing/planning on top. If during NaNoWriMo, 4 chunks of about 500 words each. If I really push myself to get them done in sections, I spend less time fiddling around, but the break between them makes it still relaxing/fun.

I also have a computer/document setup that works very well for me. I write on a laptop that can scroll between several different ‘desktop’ screens. I have one for fun stuff, and set one aside for writing. The only browser window/tabs allowed to be open on that desktop are writing-related ones--research, youtube clips of scenes, wiki articles, etc. All other fun stuff goes on the other desktop where it can’t distract me while I get through a section. Then over the browser I have two word documents: one on the left titled “[StoryTitle.docx]”, and one next to it titled “[StoryTitleNotes.docx]”. On the left is the “final version” of what I’m working on--aka the working document, with the most current edits/chapters/etc. The right “Notes” one is for outlines, summaries, lines I had to delete but might want to use somewhere else, passages I haven’t gotten to yet but wanted to sketch out before I lost the inspiration for them, quotes that I want to echo the feel of, copied dialogue from the game so I don’t forget it, etc etc. Anything related to the story in the working document that I might want to reference. The notes doc can be fairly messy--my level of organization for it changes from project to project. But it makes it WAY easier for me mentally to delete and tweak things when I can put them somewhere else just in case it turns out the first way was better. 

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Ohh... my pairings are pretty obvious, I’m really into Lavellan/Solas, Hawke/Fenris, and Shepard/Garrus. 

But what I’m really into is Hawke/the concept of found family and also various coping mechanisms+mental health issues; Lavellan/the weight of duty above all else, Shepard/the giddy knowledge that you won’t survive what you have to turn yourself into in order to save everything you love, Ryder+Sam/breaking the boundaries of what it means to be a single conscious entity...  

my big literary kinks are pretty much any narrative that has to do with one or more of the following: self-sacrifice, the transcendence of humanity in pursuit of a goal, the knowledge of the futility of one’s actions, the duality of self plus other, the terrifying and terrible beauty of rage, stubborn and violent perseverance in the face of insurmountable odds, the frailty of people who nonetheless fool everyone into believing they’re not broken. I am also a very big fan of nontraditional formats, and the meta-narrative of a story over usual structure. 

tl;dr: I like my fiction weird. 

Like... I recognize that most of my fics. Do not include a majority of these. And the ones that do aren’t really very popular. The one that gets closest to these concepts is probably the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive which very few people read and got almost no attention. But I knew that when I posted it. I wrote it for me, after finishing the ME trilogy for the first time. The above tropes show up way more in my original writing, while I use fanfiction as a break from these more complicated/heavier themes, and to just have some fun with less technical writing. They’re there, just in smaller doses.

Fics with that sort of bend are WAY harder to search for than ones based on pairings though so like... if you have recs for anything that follows the above themes. please send them to me. i’m dying. please. 

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

How can I not answer this with Fallout from the Fade? It’s my baby. It’s the longest thing I’ve consistently written, without getting bored and abandoning it halfway through. It will probably take me a while yet (depending on mental health/writing pace/etc) to finish but I know how it ends, and most of how to get there. It’s also the third fanfiction I had ever started writing. The beginning feels rough to me when I go back to it (which an inevitable fact of my decision to post as I write/not use beta readers, which I still think was the only way for me to do this story), but I still think a lot of my ideas were clever and my execution may not have been perfect but it was pretty good. I’ve learned a lot while writing this fic.

And also I love to make people suffer. Knowing that people have shed literal tears because of things i have written fills me with the delightful glee to push forward. 

But really. Comments mean the world to me. They spur me on through rough patches where I otherwise abandon works. I’m really not used to having an audience: most of what I’ve written in my life is original content that I don’t post/share. Having other people also invested makes me feel accountable, in a good way. 

Other honorable mentions: I think Grief is one of my best fics in terms of execution and balance. Less a man than a wild cat and A Slip of the Tongue were both exercises in pacing/timing as well as forays into the highly unfamiliar territory of comedy. The aforementioned the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive satisfies my eternal desire for weird presentation and ideology taking a front seat over narrative structure (I have like. 4 other partial fics similar to this that will probably never be posted because I know they’re what I want to explore, not what other people actually want to read).

Your fic with the most kudos?

Fallout from the Fade, with 626.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

I wish I was more consistent about sitting down and working. I managed it for 6 straight months when I started the fanfic gig, but to be fair, during that time I also had no friends and spent 5 days every other week camped out in Death Valley with no internet and nothing to do but write and brainstorm. Having the barest scrapings of a social life now that I’ve moved doesn’t do much for wordcount, it turns out.

Now something you do like?

I think I can write about mental illness realistically without it coming across as either overdramatic or idealistic. I like my descriptions, when I allow myself to use them (y’all don’t want to see how flowery most of my works would be without my self control). I have visibly improved since I started writing in 2015. 

i feel like a lot of my original circle on tumblr isnt active/writing anymore but gonna tag some people w/ no obligation… @leviathanmirror  @seekingidlewild @littleblue-eyedbird @loquaciousquark @kayla-bird and anyone else who wants to answer!! feel free to tag me if you do it, im lonely... 

[notesintheflyleaf]

I got tagged by @superhappybubbleslove Thanks for the tag!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

Uh. If I’m being honest I have an old FF.net account I never posted on and only created so I could comment and follow fics, too chicken to post anything, from like 5 years ago with the name, and it was all i could think of when I made my tumblr. I’m not incredibly inventive with screen names. I don’t even remember what got me to use that name on FF because it was so long ago and I was too chicken to post!

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

I only have 3 Fics out right now, so of the 3, it would be Coincidences Lead to Consequences, which was my first fic posted, the first fic I have written in over 4 years and I was so shocked by the overwhelming support I got from the fandom!! 

SO appreciative for the feedback and understanding, as now, I am even scared to look at it because I am sure it is scary bad.

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I actually never put one up ? I guess I could do that...

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Two regular, supportive commenters who make me feel like utter MUSH and give me the motivation to try harder,  (you guys are amazing) Joanna and Sarah

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I read probably 3-5 of them over and over. 

Talk Too Much by @xaphrin

All I Ask of You and As the World Falls Down by Khirsah on AO3 , they are the same story told by the perspective of the two main characters, same events but totally different outlook- Dragon Age fandom. Great read. 

All of The Wild Florida Bay,- but mostly Merry and Bright (Because I giggle and roll around in joy) by @sabraeal

And Pas de Deux -because it is written so viscerally and beautifully that my whole being wants to weep with a myriad of emotions that overwhelm me,  by @superhappybubbleslove

There’s more but these are the MOST frequent ones

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

2 Subscriptions... I don’t relaly understand the the bookmark thing.  I should use that stuff more.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

Uh. I’ve only really posted the 3 fics but i write Magical AU that I don’t post.. I have one right now that I am considering posting. When I’m done fiddling.

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

2 Subscribers and 13 bookmarks HOW NICE !!! I did not know this. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are 😨 of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

There’s a few fandoms I wanted to contribute to, but they’re so large and I’ve seen people be judgey and I am scared to post in those because I am still getting into the swing of doing this.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Everything. I know I am coming from a very rudimentary level of skill where I am fueled by passion and not so much by ability. I would love SPECIFICALLY to get better at nailing tension in scenes a bit more fully, I kinda feel like those fall flat sometimes for me. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Ah. It’s noncannon but definitely not a rarepair, and the stuff I’ve written but not posted have also been for cannon or somewhat popular noncannon ships.

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

3 Haha

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

GOD. 7 ? 8? Some are scraps not finished others I hate and want to redo or as stated before I am scared to post. 

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I take notes sometimes, I guess. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Nope but i think it would be very fun and it would be awesome to have someone giving me feedback before I post it!! I would love to , I think I could learn a lot and enjoy the experience!

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

Google.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

Nooooo no no no. Very new. Used to be just kinda creeping on other peoples stories, dolling out kudos but scared to comment. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Nope, it’s “Hey guys!” or “My dudes!” at the beginning and end of my apologies. 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Several !! I saw how open and accepting the fandom was and I wanted to be part of that!

I don’t want to over tag but I have several above already mentioned.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Jeeze I am a beginner and I do it for fun myself. Maybe have fun and don’t stress yourself too much because it should be fun?

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I mostly get hit with inspiration on an outline but I miss large portions of plot so I add those as I go but I do have the biggest arcs planned.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Nothing bad, I don’t actually think anyone in this particular fandom would leave a bad comment? everyone is THE MOST KIND OMG

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Ah. Romantic tension that leaves that burn in your soul where you are just like OMG BUT WHY NO KISS ? I struggle cause I ALSO WANT KISS

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

One called “The Door Down the Hall” and one like.. short couple chapter thing called “Curiosity Killed the Cat” Hopefully this one won’t run away and become longer than intended like Magic In The Woods did ahah *cough*

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Sometimes inspiration sparks and I have to get the planning down before I forget but I AM TRYING not to juggle too many at once. So maybe 2 small fics at once is my limit.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

No but I’ve been told I should so that’s the plan starting next week. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

I hope so !

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I only have the 3... so. Idk, I think I like the premise of Magic in the woods best, maybe.

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

I trash the ones I hate before they get posted. And then intentionally forget them. So. Yeah. 

30. Where do you 👀 yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I do this for fun so I Just want to improve and continue to feel stress relief from it? 2017 was rough for me, I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old, and my dad got SO sick. So the writing was a nice personal escape when I have a little time to myself at night. 

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Uh. Planning?

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Not trashing everything in editing because I end up thinking it is bad.

33. Why do you write?

Stress relief ! It has been great to have something to do with myself, that’s just for me and retains my sense of identity among the other hats I wear of Mother, Wife, and Employee.

For tagging: @katcchako @fadedforyou @bouncyirwin

[t-baba]

Safari to get WebExtensions (and more from WWDC)

#446 — June 24, 2020

Read on the Web

Frontend Focus

Safari 14 Beta Release Notes — Revealed at this week’s WWDC, Safari 14 will ship alongside iOS 14 & macOS 11 later this year. Here are the headlines:

Adds support for WebP images and HDR video playback;

Support for HTTP/3;

Ditches Flash;

Will support both the :is() and :where() pseudo-selectors;

…and adds Web Extensions support to the macOS version (more below).

Apple

Welcoming Safari to the WebExtensions Community — Yup, Safari is adopting a Web-based API for browser extensions similar to Firefox’s WebExtensions API making it easy to build once and port to multiple browsers (including Chrome). Here's Apple's intro video on how to get started.

Mozilla Hacks

New Course: React Native — Leverage your JavaScript and React skills for mobile iOS and Android platforms using React Native – ship your very own native mobile applications.

Frontend Masters sponsor

Prefetching? At This Age? — An excellent trip down the rabbit hole of caching, CDNs, what issues can occur when both clients and CDNs are caching content, and how the Age HTTP header helps. Plus a Chromium bug, just for good measure.

Tim Kadlec

An Overview of Scroll Technologies — There are a number of scroll related technologies out there (parallax, scroll snap, etc), so this article’s aim is to provide an overview of them and tools to help choose the one that’s right for you.

Zach Saucier

▶  New Features and Improvements for Safari and WebKit — More from Apple! Following the main WWDC 2020 Keynote, Apple are sharing a number of sessions throughout the week covering extensions, privacy, APIs, CSS and JS, web inspector changes and more. Worth bookmarking and coming back to at the weekend once all sessions are live.

Apple

⚡️ Quick bits:

If you use Google Analytics, be prepared to see the Safari stats tumble, as Safari is going to start blocking Google Analytics entirely.

It has been five years since the first line of code for AMP was written.

Chrome is working on an experimental implementation of upload streams so you can start uploading data to a server before you necessarily have all of it to hand.

Work continues on Mozilla's paid VPN, (a U.S. only beta is available now).

Version 69 of Opera has Twitter (and other social media services) 'built-in', accessible via the sidebar.

💻 Jobs

Frontend Developer at X-Team (Remote) — Join X-Team and work on projects for companies like Riot Games, FOX, Coinbase, and more. Work from anywhere.

X-Team

Find a Job Through Vettery — Vettery specializes in tech roles and is completely free for job seekers. Create a profile to get started.

Vettery

ℹ️ Interested in running a job listing in Frontend Focus? There's more info here.

📙 News, Tutorials & Opinion

Is WebP Really Better Than JPEG? — According to Google, WebP is 25-34% smaller than JPEG at equivalent quality. But how much of it is really true? To find out, Johannes ran a few tests.

Johannes Siipola

Using Custom Property 'Stacks' to Tame the Cascade — A look at using CSS Custom Properties to manage/control both cascade and inheritance.

Miriam Suzanne

After Three Years of Work, Chrome Killed My Extension and Won’t Tell Me Why — This is a story worth checking out if your work ends up on the Chrome Webstore in any way (such as if you’re distributing a browser extension): “Complaining on the internet should not be a support channel. Developers should not have to rely on the internet attention lottery. The Chrome Webstore has been around 10 years and needs to get its act together.”

LipSurf

New: Learn How Intercom Reduced Test Times by 85% 🚀 — Read our case study on how Intercom reduced test times while deploying ~150 times per day across multiple apps.

Buildkite sponsor

Let Them Paste Passwords — Some sites prevent pasted passwords (which can even break some password managers). The UK’s cyber security officials stress that this a security anti-pattern. Today I also learnt that “Sociotechnical Security Researcher” is an actual job title – cool!

National Cyber Security Centre (UK)

The Return of the 90s Web — Max asks if we’re ready to revisit some of the ideas of the early web (no-code tools, personal sites, etc), adding that certain trends suggest that we might just have come full circle.

Max Böck

How to File A Good Browser Bug

Robert Nyman, Pete LePage

🔧 Code, Tools and Resources

knopf.css: A Modern, Modular, and Extensible Button System — A CSS library to easily build a diverse set of button styles that can be adapted to your brand via CSS variables. Includes a playground for fiddling with the variety of modifiers.

team.video

keen-slider: An Agnostic Touch Slider — Think ‘carousels’ but comfortable and smooth when using touch. They work with the mouse and touchpads as well, of course, and there are no dependencies. Live examples here.

Eric Beyer

Tailwind CSS Cheat Sheet — This clear, scannable resource has been around for a while, however it remains up-to-date with the latest version of Tailwind (plus we’ve not shared it here before).

Jay Elaraj

Octopus.do: A Visual Sitemap Builder — An online tool that allows you to build a website’s sitemap (e.g. for prototyping structure) or you can import an existing sitemap.xml from a URL and work with that.

octopus.do

🕰 Tzdb: A Simplified and Grouped List of Time Zones and Offsets — The official IANA time zone list has over 500 entries but you can simplify this substantially, as done here.

Vincent Voyer

No More Rework, Bug-Free Code on the First Commit. DeepCode

DeepCode.AI Powered Analysis sponsor

Create HTML5 Boilerplate: Quick Start for HTML5 Boilerplate — Similar in concept to create-react-app, but for kickstarting projects based on the popular HTML5 Boilerplate project.

H5BP

web-vitals-reporter: A Tiny Utility to Simplify Web Vitals Reporting — Makes it easy to collect data from Google’s new Web Vitals API.

Treo

A Photocopied Magazine Effect in CSS

Lynn Fisher codepen

by via Frontend Focus https://ift.tt/2YrN5MO

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. not doin too hot. and by “not doin too hot” i mean “I AM TOO HOT OH GOD WHY”

don’t worry. when i realized i would not be able to fix the ac myself (at like 8:30 pm) i put in a maintenance request. so hopefully that will be fixed tomorrow or friday. again.

i feel bad putting in so many orders but like, 58 degrees is too cold and 80 degrees is too hot. please. i’m not THAT picky but it’s so much and i’m sweating all over my papers and i can’t tell if poor snoopy is uncomfortable or not. she spends a whole lotta time by where i have the fan on by an open window.

it doesn’t cool off my desk/bed area but at least my kitchen is a nice temperature.

when my alarm went off i realized that i just... did not sleep very much. i had bad dreams but i don’t remember enough about them to say why. i ended up skipping my first class to try to get SOME sleep but unfortunately i just laid there with my eyes closed feeling hot and miserable for 40 minutes. i was so pokey getting ready for school that i was actually late for my second class despite getting up with more time to get ready than usual.

i took notes on my ipad. it was nice. i like the line sensitivity. i picked up my pen from the mail room in the afternoon so now i can write more than four words per line too.

keegan and harrison and i got spaghetti lunch and then i went to my doctor’s appointment. the doctor took a look at my throat and lungs and stuff and said everything seemed fine but i could take some allergy medication that might help it clear up faster. so i did that. also my other problem with the birth control is ok if it happens once. if it happens three times in a row there’s gonna be a problem but otherwise between missing a day (even though i caught up) and all the stress and getting sick it could be anything.

the allergy medication also serves as a sleep aid and anti anxiety medication so she said if it works i could use it for the whole month or when i start sleeping normally again and if it doesn’t work to just stop usin it and don’t worry about it.

i helped ammar and rebika and luis get set up with the printer network in our building after a lot of hassle with my computer. luis and taylor were talking so loud that i couldn’t think at all and harrison was getting annoyed because i wasn’t using any of the convenient tools that computers have like search functions.

and i took my accommodation letters to both my professors and hashed out the test plan with them. my stat mech professor invited me to sit for a while and then... blocked the door with his chair. i don’t think he did it on purpose but I NOTICED. i got antsy immediately and i couldn’t seem to find a good opportunity in the conversation to leave.

i doubled my score on the prelims! now i have a 22/120 instead of, like, a 10. all i gotta do to pass is get up to ~60 though. but it was a DEFINITE improvement. i feel conflicted about it. on the one hand, i did double my score and that’s really impressive. on the other hand, the score is still total garbage and kind of embarrassing if it wasn’t already incredibly well established that i am really bad at taking tests no matter how well i know the material.

hopefully next time i won’t have the worst and longest cold ever.

i ended up spending like 2 hours hanging out with harrison and drawing on his blackboard. he said i draw really fast when i did a blue in about 30 seconds and i said “yes i’ve always drawn abnormally fast.” i did some base shape stuff with him and he showed me one of the symbols he’d been working on. 

jennica wandered in at one point to talk about the em homework and i was gonna die. “what is that?” she asked. “harrison is teaching me how to draw,” i said. i knew that she knew it was total bs because i was holding the chalk and had been drawing when she came in so i made a big deal out of saying over and over that i definitely wasn’t the one drawing. i think she understood it was a joke.

i biked home and picked up my mail and ran a quick errand (the corner store doesn’t carry the item i want any more so that’s a bummer. i’m gonna have to figure out what i want to do about that. the cashier said they might start ordering it again). i fiddled around with the ac trying to get one of the buttons to do the thing i want but it doesn’t seem interested in doing anything but blowing hot air into my apartment. i made some dinner while i did my dishes... i was out of plates. 

i should be drinking more tea but hot drinks just really don’t appeal to me right now.

then i sat down and started drawing. it took like an hour and a half to do three panels out of the seven on this one page. i had made my boards too crowded because i drew too big so i had to take pictures of my pages, load them up on my computer screen, and then erase my work and redraw each panel with everything a little bit smaller. it would have been fine except IT’S SO HOT AND IT’S SO HARD NOT TO SMUDGE MY LIGHTER LINES TO HELL.

snoopy was a little more active than usual today, at least when she was “hunting” for her cookies. i put them in slightly more out of the way places than usual and it looks like she got all of them in about ten minutes. i’m going to have to bump up the difficulty for her just a bit. though earlier i noticed that if i hide her cookies in places that require using her paws to get them out she won’t do it even if they are easily visible. 

maybe getting all those mats off her underside improved her mood. seeing just how much fur got shaved off her stomach, it was probably really hindering her movement.

a good thing todayyyyyy isssssss while i was waiting for the doctor i wrote a whole bunch of notes about nastasia. since my classmates’ em period starts 2 hours earlier this semester i got to the doctor’s office about 40 minutes before my appointment so i just settled into a chair and grabbed my phone and started typing. i’m working really hard to give these characters a common thread and i think it fits pretty well with the general theme of the story. i don’t know if i’m laying it on too thick or not though. it’s hard to write drafts for comics except for the individual scenes you’re currently setting up. i can’t go back and change the beginning because it’s done and uploaded. all i can do is adjust the current page.

so that’s a challenge!!!

it’s fun that having a group of characters with different manifestations of the same flaw creates such a disaster though. count bleck is such a dumpster fire. 

(i am also a dumpster fire and i write characters that are almost exclusively trash man level of emotional maturify)

GAAHHHHH IT’S GONNA BE 80 DEGREES TOMORROW??? THAT’S THE EARLY JANUARY WEATHER I WANT TO SEE!!!!!!

ok anyway it’s 10:45 now so i should probably start thinking about maybe getting ready for bed sometime. i’m so tired. but i really, really don’t want to sleep. i’m so tired of nightmares.

a good thing that i like about myself maybe is, uh, i’ve been working harder at following up with people lately. i was doing it before, but now i’m trying harder to make sure i ask people how a thing went if they bring it up earlier. like suzanne’s cousins are visiting today. i dunno. suzanne seemed impressed that i remembered, last time i did it with her. but now i don’t remember what it was i had asked her about!! i’m trying to find more ways to show people i care, i guess. as i get more and more sleep deprived though i am getting less good at remembering things to bring up in my conversations.

[justsoyoudonthaveto]

So the world is ending, and we’re all inside, and I’ve already watched Tiger King, so I’m dusting off the laptop to get back into Hallmark movies. My heart hasn’t been in it the last few months, but the stats are saying that readers need recaps – so here we go!  As it’s a lovely day today, but I must be near my phone inside, I’m tackling my DVR with this world premiere from a few weeks ago – In the Key of Love, starring Tony Nominee Laura Osnes, who I totally voted for on that Grease You’re The One That I Want show when she won for being Sandy.

We open with “You Can’t Hurry Love” and some kind of bridal photography cliche montage. Aww, Laura is the photographer. She can’t help the overuse of mason jars and burlap. Her name is Maggie Case, and she drives a beat-down blue truck because she’s whimsical. She’s got a lot of boxes from Nashville, including a guitar case, and her wedding planner friend Sasha begs for Maggie to sing, but Maggie don’t do that anymore, not since she left Nashville. Sasha leaves, and Younger Son says “I’m guessing she’s the Sassy Friend?” Why Yes, Younger Son. She Is.

Sassy Friend makes some kind of pithy statement that you need to do what your passion is. So you know that Maggie does not have a passion for photography and needs to go sing for her supper. Speaking of which – what’s everyone making in day 99999 of quarantine? Today its Tacos, and I know it’s weird because Today is Monday, and it should be Taco Tuesday, but I don’t live my life to abide by those kinds of dinner rules. We’re rebels in this house!

Cut to Nashville, and Jake is some kind of music producer (the guy who does a lot with a soundboard) and there’s some girl named Ashley in a big floppy hat who is making serious eyes at him but he’s all business. Jake is heading to Piedmont Island for a wedding – is it his? Is he just a guest? It’s unclear.

Cut to Evelyn, Maggie’s grandmother, who owns the Wedding Industry thing at which both Maggie and Sasha work. Evelyn wistfully watches a Youtube video of Maggie and Jake singing and makes sure that Maggie meets some kind of ferry – so much so that she shuts down Sasha and her ambition to chose entrees for the Blake Wedding. Maggie gets to the dock of Piedmont Island, which has a sign that says 3,996 I Dos and Counting so Piedmont Island is some kind of wedding destination, I guess. And before we can think that Jake and Jennifer, currently onboard the ferry, are destined to get married and it’s going to be one of those groom leaves his bride at the altar for our plucky heroine movies, it is revealed that Jake and Jennifer are in fact, brother and sister, and he’s there for support, not vows. Whew!

Jennifer is marrying Kyle, and we’ve already upped the diversity in Hallmark movies by 3 whole guys! I don’t know what to do with this information! Groom and Best Man!  AND the Mayor!  Way to go Hallmark. Jennifer planned this whole wedding at Piedmont Island in order to get Maggie at her wedding which seems WAY too much. But whatever. Plot, and it’s obvious she missed Maggie a lot, isn’t it?

This Island is just too precious – there’s a trolley car to bring guests from the ferry, and the trolley car trip is narrated by the mayor.

Maggie is all about confronting her grandmother/boss about not giving her the heads up that Jake was coming to a wedding. And Grandmother is all Fiddle Dee Dee, whatever, I’m in charge. Of course you are, that’s why you trample down all of Sasha’s ambition, to retain control in your manicured hands.

The Mayor is also the Minister. Of Course.

Jennifer spends more time with her brother than with her fiance, but we do find out that their parents or dead, so that makes some kind of sense. Grandmother Matchmaker hands bride with a whole list of things to do, and wouldn’t you know it, Maggie is included in all of them, so we’ll just have to watch Jake and Maggie fall back in love with each other. This week of wedding stuff is going to wear me out and I’m only watching this movie.

Heads up – after the commercial break, Maggie shows up in HORIZONTAL STRIPED PANTS. Costumer, what drugs are you ON??????????????????? There were no pictures available online, so I had to take one with my phone while watching this movie.

You’re welcome.

Oh my God, they are SHORTS and she’s wearing a blazer with them. WHAT IS GOING ON?????

Jake and Maggie discuss their lives over benches with tulle, and we find that Jake is the control freak, and Maggie was not, and that was one of their many issues 2 years ago. Jake seems to be killing it in life – he’s a music producer and doing great. Maggie has to admit that she’s not singing and he offers his man opinion that she should sing for weddings on the island, and it’s not like that opinion is needed, Jake.

Note – Sasha’s bangs are way too heavy for her little face.

Next day, Jake finds Maggie in an outdoor cafe, and he has to lay his problems at Maggie’s feet – he’s worried about this album he has to produce. But you know, Jake, you’re a grown up, figure it out – Maggie’s off to shoot Jennifer get her hair trials done for her wedding.  As someone who likes to organize, I have NO idea how someone waits until the week OF her wedding to try out hairstyles. Jennifer spills the beans on Maggie and Jake to a delighted Sasha and some unnamed bridesmaid. Backstory – Jake hosted an open mic night, and they chatted, and then Jake made her sing in front of a crowd, which is So Not Cool.

Jake is not having the slow WiFi at this place, so he goes to play Wedding Pictionary with everyone in the salon, and my GOD kill me now. Jake has to draw “Always a Bridesmaid Never a Bride.” And Best Man Gets It. Good job, Best Man! Still, though. Kill Me. And Jake is still pissy about the WiFi, and he demands to know why Maggie doesn’t stress over anything. Maggie’s philosophy – don’t borrow trouble, and don’t stress about what you can’t control. Enjoy the process, not the result. Whatever, Mags, you don’t have to produce an album from bumf@#! island.

Grandma Boss is totally blocking Sasha, and I do not like this storyline at all. Sasha has a new job offer but she doesn’t want to take it because she likes bumf@#! island. And Jake finally listened to his album and is going to go to Paris when the album launches. Yay for Jake. Even though he’s going to the same theater that they dreamed of playing in together, and it’s kind of weird. But Maggie is super supportive because that’s the type of girl she is.

Cut to a Salsa Lesson at this Godforsaken Island – the wedding party is learning, but Jake took a Salsa Class in College, so you know, he already knows. But then Bride makes Maggie dance with Jake, and Jake SUCKS as a partner – mansplaining everything and if you want to throw a chair at this guy, get in line. But wonder of wonders, once they close their eyes and not worry about dancing, they are Fred and Ginger, if Fred and Ginger ever did Latin Ballroom.  BTW, there is only one way to do Latin Ballroom and it is THIS.

We also find out that Jake’s extreme Type A behavior didn’t gel with Maggie’s laid-back way, and they lost out on their one big break. And so Maggie lost confidence and hasn’t sung at all since.

Beachfront evening – Bride demands that Maggie sing something with Jake. And I have HAD it with this family trying to make Maggie do things she doesn’t really want to do. But then voila – Maggie gets a-singing, and Jake plays the drums on her guitar case. I love Laura Osnes, and good for her to put up with this crap just to be able to sing some more on TV. She’s also in Broadway Princess Party and she’s delightful.  Her “10 Minutes Ago / The Next Ten Minutes” medley is GORGEOUS – Check it out here with dreamy Jeremy Jordan. Oh, back to the movie – now Maggie has to sing while Bride and Groom have their first dance, and sure, fine.

Grandma Boss is having coffee on the terrace in this paradise area of the world. She’s subtly pushing Maggie to go back to singing – subtle as a sledgehammer, but it does prompt Maggie to go back through her boxes of Nashville memorabilia, which include sheet music,  scrapbooks, and lots of pictures of Jake and Maggie looking lovingly at each other.

Uh oh, Jake’s album’s release is canceled, because they lost the right to one of the songs, the lynchpin to the album, etc. Oh, he’s devastated, and needs a new song PRONTO and isn’t it great that Maggie is a songwriter? But meanwhile, Maggie gets to go flower shopping and cake tasting, and Jake shows up at the baker with a cake topper – that is “beautiful” but looks like it is made of paper. You want a cake topper?

That’s a Cake Topper

Jake’s had a change of heart about the album and how he should only worry about what he can control, so that’s nice. His change of heart leads to Maggie digging out her song notebook, and rewriting lyrics.

Finally, it’s almost wedding time, and Maggie gives good advice to Sasha who’s going to talk to Grandma Boss about her job offer. In these turbulent times – please do not mess around with job offers. But cut to an emergency with the florist – her fridge broke and there are no flowers for the wedding! So Sasha didn’t get to tell her about her job offer and at this time, I say cut and run, girl.

Sasha has to work the rehearsal, and the wedding is going to be held by the dock. Weird. And Jennifer’s wedding is going to be ruined because of the lack of flowers, but luckily enough, during the weird Trolley Tour with the Mayor, he mentions that he has a lot of flowers in his garden, and so Jake and Maggie head over there to eat cookies at the Mayor’s Open House and beg some flowers off of him. But seriously, in all honesty, my wedding was almost ruined by a freaking Hurricane – where they said just don’t stay near windows – and the reception was in a glass-paneled room, and even I didn’t freak out as much as Jennifer did about the lack of flowers on her archway.

Meanwhile at the Mayor’s:

(They get the flowers because the Mayor is nice.  They could have just had the ceremony in front of the Mayor’s house, which is a pretty Victorian, and then SAVED all the flowers, but whatever, you do you, Maggie.)

Maggie saves the day on Jake’s album because she’s amazing.

Rehearsal Dinner! Every couple who gets married at Piedmont Island has to sign a shell the night before. That’s just weird. The rehearsal dinner is a lot like a shower, with games, and it’s weird. Sasha is still upset because Grandma Boss still hasn’t listened to her. Maggie has some words of encouragement that were completely drowned out by both Darling Husband who showed off his forage to the liquor store (essential service) and Younger Son, who just bought a Batmobile on Lego Batman 3.  But now Maggie and Jake are going canoeing and that cannot be a good idea – didn’t you see the news this weekend?  They fell in the lake that is literally 2 feet deep, and they are magically dry in 2 seconds, except for Jake’s phone – bring on the rice!

Jake asks to see more of Maggie and “she’d like that.” Kiss blocked by Maggie saying “he should go” because it’s Hallmark and we can’t have a kiss until the final reel.

Wedding Day! Maggie is so swept up in everything she barely remembers to do her job and take pictures.  But it is the fastest ceremony every and then we’re back at the manor for reception!

Posed photos on delay because Maggie’s memory card needs something, or whatever. But in the meantime, rice phone works, and Jake’s album is saved because of Maggie’s song.

Jake has to fly the red-eye back to get the album up and running, and he has to go, but Maggie’s not there, so what are we going to do? Jake’s full of conflict because he wants to tell Maggie about his good fortune, but he has only 7 minutes to make the only ferry that goes out from this island. But he makes it, and Maggie is putting a very brave face on the fact that with a song on the album, Jake will then go on tour for a whole year, and a girl can only take so many pictures of other people getting married.

Sasha picks the middle of the reception to have her moment with Grandma Boss, and Grandma Boss immediately backs down and Sasha wins. But then Grandma Boss lays down some harsh truths to Maggie and basically kicks her off the island to go be a songwriter / singer / whatever.

  Jake comes back to the reception mid-song! Harmonizing on Key! YAY!

The entire wedding party is singing along with this random song that no one is supposed to know, so you know that they sang this over and over and over during the scene and everyone has it memorized it.

Jake says singing with Maggie makes him happy and he wants to be happy. But he magically also gets to go to Paris because he and Maggie can be the opening act on this random tour.  AND We’re Done.

So this was a nice one to ease back into the magical world of Hallmark movies. As we live in an uncertain world, it’s nice to know that there are some things that are certain, be it The Sad Times, Sassy Friends, FairyTale Weddings on Exotic Random Locations, and Type A and Relaxed People getting together and Making.It.Work.  While I don’t know what will happen next month, next week, or even tomorrow, I do know that I watched In the Key of Love, just so you don’t have to.

Hey Cool Cats and Kittens - Oops, Wrong Message. I'm back to Hallmark, and it's just in time! We've Got Weddings! Photography! Songs! Beautiful Scenery! All of this, plus Cake! I watched In the Key of Love, just so you don't have to So the world is ending, and we're all inside, and I've already watched Tiger King, so I'm dusting off the laptop to get back into Hallmark movies.