#he became my blorbo

[until-another-one-comes]

I’m REALLY REALLY interested in your tnmn headcanons 🖤

Particularly about Francis’s relationship with his parents. Is there more to this backstory?

AHHH THANK YOU! I'M HAPPY YOU FIND THEM INTERESTING

Ohhh I don't have the specifics of his backstory but for some reason I really like the idea of Francis having a really difficult upbringing because I really do see him as someone who's struggling a lot.

(Warning: A lot of angst and topics of depression and self-worth issues)

My Francis Mosses backstory headcanon:

As I said in my post, Francis's dad (no name, lets just call him Mr Mosses) was a hardass who expected too much of his only child. He wanted Francis to grow up being someone great in anyway but thats just not who Francis is and he couldn't live up to his dad's strict expectations. He wasn't academically smart, talented, strong or have any particular passion for anything. He just wanted to live his life normally (like most people do). Mr Mosses did not like that and saw him as a disappointment. Because of this Francis has incredibly low self-esteem issues and stays up a lot ruminating on how he's a failure and isn't worth anything (even though thats not at all true and he's doing fine technically speaking).

There is one particular kicker to his backstory. In my post I mentioned how Mr Mosses wanted him to enlist in the army and he almost did it (against Francis's will) but his wife talked him out of it. She was the only one who cared about Francis and tried her best to quell her husband's treatment of their only son. Mr Mosses relented so instead of going to the army Francis went to college to study and get a degree in business.

It... did not go well. The pressure got to him and he flunked. Francis left his hometown and jumped from job to job while beating himself up for failing. He still kept in touch with his mother but after she died he and his dad stopped talking and its been years since Francis saw him. He hates his dad but can't help feeling disappointed that he let him down and craved his approval but too late for that now.

One last thing: Because of his past, Francis compares himself to everyone a LOT and always think everyone else is better than him in everyway. He's not good enough for Nacha (I have my own backstory for them), he's not smart like Afton, he's not charismatic like Izaack, he's not brave and strong like Steven, he's not this he's not that and he still can't break free of this mindset because of everything thats happened. No one knows about this and Francis doesn't realise a lot of the people in the apartment likes him just the way he is, he just sees his own shortcomings.

So yeah, that's Francis in my hc. A milkman who stays up late at night because he couldn't help but dwell on his past and his 'failures' and constantly compares himself to others.

[shoukohime]

babygirl the way you forsake your happiness on your relentless quest to vengeance, your complicated relationship with gender and the way you're covered in blood have bewitched me body and soul

[bonefall]

⭕️Hey Bones! Is it ok if you explain and/or elaborate how Crowfeather is abusive to Breezepelt if please?⭕️

I do KNOW that crowfeather is indeed, abusive to Breezepelt, due to the fact that he emotionally and/or physically neglected him - with child neglect being known to BE a form of child abuse - and I also heard that he slashed and/or hit him within one of the books, which I believe is in the book Outcast, in chapter 16.

But I also wish people would talk and be informed about it more within the fandom, because in the parts of the fandom I’ve known portrayed Crowfeather’s neglect on Breezepelt as negative and bad, but not in a way that made me think and/or feel: “Wow, that’s pretty bad. That’s…actually abusive.” I suppose? So I hope more people will talk about it more in that type of way.

Also, please be aware that I have NOT read PoT, OoTS, etc. or barely any warrior cats books, since the majority of the information I got from the series is from the wiki and the fandom, so that probably explains why I didn’t know this part of Crowfeather’s character is as bad as it actually is until now. Also, feel free to talk about Crowfeather’s abuse on Breezepelt I haven’t mentioned and/or don’t know right now as well if you want.

I’m SO sorry that if this ask is unintentionally quite long, and feel free to make sure to take all the time you need to answer it. Thank you!

OH LET'S GOOOO

Breezepelt is both physically and emotionally abused by Crowfeather. I'm not talking about only child neglect; he is screamed at, belittled, and even once hit on-screen.

The fact that Crowfeather both neglected and abused him is very important to the canonical story of Breezepaw. There's actually a lot more to this character than people remember! Even from his first appearances he displays good qualities, a strained relationship with his father and adult clanmates, and is clearly shown to be troubled before we understand why.

As many problems as I have with the direction of Breezepelt's arc (especially Crowfeather's Trial), his setup is legitimately a praiseworthy bit of writing from Po3 which carries over into OotS. To say that Breezepelt was not abused is to completely miss two arcs worth of books SCREAMING it.

BIG POST. Glossary;

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

ABUSE: Outcast, Social Alienation, the Tribe Journey.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

For "brevity," I'm not getting into anything post-OotS. I'm just showing that Breezepelt was abused, the narrative wants you to know that he was abused, and that his status as a victim of child abuse is CENTRAL to understanding why he is training in the Dark Forest.

INTRO TO BREEZEPELT: The Sight and Dark River

Our very first introduction to Breeze is when Jaypaw walks off a cliff in the first book of Po3 and is rescued by a WindClan patrol. He's making snarky remarks, and Whitetail and Crowfeather are not happy about it. Whitetail snaps for Crow to teach his son some manners, and Crow growls for Breezepaw to be quiet.

But our proper introduction to him is at his announcement gathering, when Heatherpaw playfully introduces him as a friend,

From the offset something's not entirely right here between Breezepaw and his father. He's cut off by Heatherpaw here, but he's touchy whenever his father is involved, and we're not entirely sure why.

Throughout Book 1, he's just rude, with a notable xenophobic streak. He's a bit of a mean rival character for Lionpaw, as they're both interested in the affections of Heatherpaw and make bids to get her attention, but nothing particularly violent yet.

He participates in the beloved Kitty Olympics and gets buried in liquid dirt with Lionpaw, basically a rite of passage for any arc.

(And Nightcloud has a cute moment where she watches over them until they fall asleep)

As the books progress, the relationship between Crow and Breeze visibly deteriorates. They start from being simply tense with each other in The Sight, to the open shouting and hitting we see in Outcast.

In the very first chapter of Dark River, we learn where his behavioral issues are really coming from;

Crowfeather.

Breezepelt is getting xenophobia from his father. Occasionally he says something bigoted and his dad will agree and chime in, and those are the only positive moments they have together.

(Note: In contrast, Nightcloud explicitly pushes back against xenophobia, chiding Breezepelt for his rudeness to Lionpaw in back in The Sight, Chapter 21. The Sight is the book where a lot of "evidence" that the Evil Overbearing Woman is actually responsible for the rift between father and son but. No. She's not. Though she can be overprotective; Crow and Breeze have a bad relationship when she's not even around in Breeze's first appearance and even his Crowfeather's Trial Epiphany refutes it. Anyway this post isn't about Nightcloud.)

So he starts acting on his bigotry, accusing cats in other Clans of stealing, running really close to the border. What's interesting though, is that this is not entirely his doing. The first time we get physical trouble from Breezepaw, DUSTPELT aggressed it. Breezepaw and Harepaw were just chasing a squirrel and hadn't yet gone over the border at all.

We learn that WindClan is teaching its apprentices how to hunt in woodland, and tensions between the two Clans is starting to escalate as ThunderClan isn't entirely trusting of their intentions.

The second time, fighting breaks out over him and Harepaw actually crossing the border and catching a squirrel. WindClan is adamant that because it came from their land, it's their squirrel. So it's as if Breezepaw is modelling the aggression around him, learning how to behave from the older warriors and his father.

When he joins Heatherpaw and The Three to go find Gorsetail's kits in the tunnels, he's grouchy towards the ThunderClan cats, but very gentle with the kittens. Notably so. When Thistlekit is dangerously cold, he cuddles up next to her, and even assures Swallowkit when she's scared,

Through this entire excursion, he's the one in the comforting roles for the kittens. Breezepaw is the one who is taking time to tell the kits they'll be okay, that he'll protect them, and physically supporting them when they're weak, even when he's terrified.

And it's always contrasted to Heatherpaw who's way more 'disciplined,' as a side note. It's a detail I'm just fond of.

All this to point out,

Breezepelt displays his best qualities when he's away from the older warriors of WindClan, and he's at his worst whenever he's near Crowfeather. Even while he's essentially just a bully character for The Three to deal with. He's gruff but cooperative when it's just him and Heatherpaw interacting with The Three, but mean when there is an adult to please.

We're getting to the on-screen abuse now, but Po3 actually sets up Breezepaw's troubles and dynamics well before it's finally confirmed that he is a victim of child abuse.

ABUSE: Outcast, the Tribe Journey.

In Outcast, Breezepaw's problems have escalated into open aggression towards cats of other Clans, and is now a legitimate concern for his own safety. Yet, he's spoken over by older warriors, and reprimanded at nearly every opportunity, right in front of the warrior of another Clan.

Squilf just asked the poor kid how his training was going, and then Whitetail JUMPS to talk over him so she can complain, RIGHT in front of his face.

They can't even wait until they're alone to grumble something rude about Breezepaw, who is still just a teenager here;

They taught him already that a bit of prey that runs off their own territory still belongs to WindClan, encourage him to blow past borders in pursuit, and started a battle with ThunderClan over this. And then they're pissed off at him for being aggressive, thinking it's deserved to scold him in public.

When Onestar announces that he wants Breezepaw to go on the Tribe Journey, he's devastated by it...

Because he thinks WindClan doesn't like him, and he's right. He's gossiped about, torn into in front of a ThunderClan warrior, and even his own dad doesn't want to be around him. It's clear that Breezepaw's impulsive "codebreaking" behaviors are a desire to prove himself, and once you realize that, the way that he's being alienated is heartbreaking.

But Wait!! Hold on a minute! Where did he get a "patrol of apprentices" from to confront the dogs with, exactly?

Simple. Breezepaw CAN make friends! He actually values them a lot! So much that it's the first thing Crowfeather snaps at him over, out of frustration that his son is also being forced on this journey with him. It's an angry response to his child having emotional and physical needs, resentment that will continue all journey long.

Note that it's plural, friends. Breezepelt has multiple friends, at least one who is not Heatherpaw, and she promises to say goodbye to them.

Up next, they state over and over, Crowfeather and Breezepaw do not like each other. Crowfeather resents being around him and dealing with his rudeness, embarrassed and angry, and Breezepaw is absolutely miserable being sent on a journey to the mountains with a man who hates his guts.

The whole while, Crowfeather is brooding longingly about Feathertail, already thinking about her as soon as he kitty-kisses Nightcloud goodbye, his eyes looking somewhere distant. He makes a jab about loyalty when Breezepaw doesn't understand why they're helping the Tribe.

Breezepaw gets smacked after he's "shoved" at Purdy and acts rude to him, while the other three manage to be polite (while still having internal dialogue about how stinky he is).

Without so much as a, "cut that out," Crowfeather raises his paw and hits him. Breeze is quiet after that.

I don't give a shit how rude your teenager is being. Do not hit kids. Being throttled on the head is not okay.

In spite of the Three not liking Breezepaw, or even Crowfeather, they're constantly noting that their arguments are not normal, and that Crow is a cold, unsupportive father who digs into his kid constantly, and the only time he ever DOES "discipline" his child it's through immediately smacking him.

At one point, the apprentices get hungry, and decide to foolishly hunt in a barn that they know has dogs in it against Purdy's warnings. Once again, JUST like the first two books, Breezepaw is more friendly when Crowfeather is not around.

EVERY time he is alone with cats his own age, he's grumpy but cooperative. Even enthusiastic at times! The minute Crowfeather is in the picture, he's nasty.

Naturally, the dogs show up, but Purdy rescues them. Though Brambleclaw also chews his kids out (and i have strong opinions about bramble's parenting style for another time), Hollypaw is taken aback by the contrast of what a scolding from Brambleclaw looks like vs how Crowfeather reacts.

The narrative is desperately trying to tell you that the way Crowfeather treats his son is not normal.

And then Crowfeather is pissed off that Breezepaw is exhausted from running for his life from hungry dogs,

And he's constantly losing his shit whenever Breezepaw says something as innocuous as "dad im hungry"

Then, Breezepaw is made to watch his dad pine over the grave of a woman who died long before Crowfeather was even considering his mother for a mate. What he feels is jealousy, because he knows his own father doesn't love him anywhere near as much as he loves the memory of Feathertail.

This really goes on and on and on. The ENTIRE trip is like this, with Crowfeather treating Breezepelt poorly, giving him a smack before even verbally warning him, pushing him past his limits and blowing up on him when he asks simple questions about eating or resting.

It all comes to a head in this one exchange, towards the end. Hollypaw ends up snapping at Breezepaw for his rudeness, before having an epiphany.

It's explicit. Crowfeather's emotional abuse, his "scorn" for Breezepelt, is what is driving a wedge between him and all of his older Clanmates. Between EVERYONE in Breezepelt's life who wasn't already his friend. This awful treatment is only making him worse and worse.

Realizing this, she has more sympathy for him, but it's too late. He continues to be rude to her because he feels insulted, and her patience completely runs out. She's just a kid. They're both just kids. She's not responsible for fixing him when he's pushing everyone away at this point.

That's the end of Breezepelt in Outcast. It can't be helped anymore. Any spark of friendship they had together in the barn, or in the tunnels, is gone.

As the series progresses, Crowfeather continues to refuse any personal responsibility for the mistreatment of his son, even pinning all of Breezepelt's behavioral problems on Nightcloud. He is a cold, selfish father who only ever thinks about his own pain and reputation.

DARK FOREST: How these factors push him towards radicalization.

Everyone talks about the Attack on Poppyfrost, which happens in the first book of OotS, in oversimplified terms. YES he is going after a nun and a pregnant woman. I've never said that's not Bad.

But no one talks about "WHY", and that reason is NOT just that he desires power like so many other WC villains. Breezepelt makes his motivation very clear on the page.

Escalating to violence was about making Jayfeather feel the way that he does.

When Breezepelt says that he wants Jay to be surrounded by "lies, hatred, and things that should never have happened," he's talking about the way HE grew up, knowing his father never wanted him, and that his Clan HATES him as a result. Killing Poppyfrost is about trying to frame Jayfeather for her murder, so ThunderClan won't trust him anymore.

When Jayfeather points out the simple truth that what Breezepelt is saying doesn't make any goddamn sense, his hatred "falters." He's blaming his half-clan half-brother for his own treatment because of the reveal, but totally failed to consider that JAYFEATHER'S ALREADY GOING THROUGH IT... so his response is just this pitiful, "s-shut up, man."

Then the ghost of Brokenstar and Breezepelt bounce him back and forth between them like a beach ball for a bit until Honeyfern's spirit shows up.

Breezepelt's childhood abuse and social alienation was a hook that the Dark Forest latched onto, to reel him in. His anger at his half-brother is so obviously misplaced that its absurdity was something Jayfeather pointed out.

We soon learn that it's the Dark Forest who's planting that ridiculous idea in his head;

The narration is SCREAMING, "The Dark Forest is validating the anger he feels towards his father, and redirecting it towards The Three." He's described as 'kitlike,' Tigerstar's eyes are compared to a hypnotizing snake.

This prose could not make it more obvious if it drove to your house, beat you with it, and then spoon fed you the point while you were hospitalized.

At the end of this scene, Tigerstar sends Hawkfrost to recruit Ivypaw. This scene where Breezepelt is being lovebombed, and the command to start grooming Ivypaw, ARE LINKED. That was a choice.

A VERY GOOD choice! Again, as many issues as I have with OotS, its handling of indoctrination is unironically fantastic, and it owes a good amount of that to the outstanding setup of Breezepelt that was done back in Po3. And that setup doesn't work if Crowfeather was merely distant.

Breezepelt was abused by his father, both verbally and physically. It drove him to be more aggressive to prove himself, modeling the battle culture around him. The adults of WindClan judged him based off Crowfeather's responses, shunning and belittling the 'problem' teenager, which eventually drove Breezepelt to the only group that he felt "understood" him.

In a book series that is RIFE with abuse apologia, this is one of the few times that there's any behavioral consequences for abuse and the narrative holds the perpetrator accountable for it.

But people hear Crowfeather's deflective excuse in The Last Hope where he says he never hated him, blames Nightcloud for everything, and just lick it up uncritically.

Gee whiz, I wonder why the guy who never blames himself for any of his problems would suddenly say it was his ex-wife's fault. Real headscratcher!

(Crowfeather's Trial then goes onto, for all my own problems with it, also hold Crow accountable as the reason why Breezepelt turned out like he did. But that's a topic for another day.)

[dootznbootz]

Huge difference between "He's just some guy (neutral)" and "He's just some guy (affectionate)".

[butchhansolo]

donnie in the autism polls got me thinkin

[akitalockwood]

He was a fucking nightmare. What a guy

Commissions OPEN

[definitelynotshouting]

i literally can't stop rotating hunger au worldbuilding and lore in my head. forgive me if you've ever touched on this in an ask before, but... re: the existential horror of being a parasite that has the sense of self of the host it ate. if one of grian's friends ever did get taken and used as a watcher larva host. how do you think he would feel about the watcher that came out the other side? would he want to see them as still the same person as his friend, or...?

Ive been staring at this ask since i got it with like. I need you to picture the most comically heartbroken expression right now okay. like this is me reading that and thinking about it in great and terrible detail:

Gods he would be devastated if this ever happened. He knows what thats like. He knows just how much it hurts-- and that its not a hurt that can be quantified, because its just that intense, that scalding, that encompassing of an experience to go through. I think, genuinely, Grian would be so utterly horrified and grief-stricken for whichever friend went through the Watcherification process that it would trump every other potential feeling on the list

But i think, ultimately, he would still view them as his friend, and treat them in the same way. There's a little bit of hypocrisy in Grian's character that i enjoy engaging with while writing him, and a good part of that in hunger au is centered around how he's firmly designated himself as the monster, and everybody else is the victim, and theres no room for nuance because he sucks and theyre the only people who are valid. When in reality, yes he hurt them, yes he did terrible and invasive things, but he did them out of pure survival rather than maliciousness, and that does make a subtle difference. And... hes not the only one who has fucked up, either!! The entire point of hunger au is how everyone has fumbled the bag in various ways and now they're all trying to clean it up together. Its just, yknow, Grian is so wrapped up in his own pain that he cant see those grey areas yet

And the thing is, if one of his friends got Watchered™, so to speak, and was standing in front of him, i think he would treat them with SO much compassion. Theyve been through possibly the worst thing anyone can experience and come out the other side-- at his core, Grian is i think a character who wants to do good, and do good by other people, and in this hypothetical that would translate into a lot of kindness he doesnt usually afford for himself. Honestly i think he'd spend the time trying to show them the ropes, get them set up in a better position than he found himself in, and provide his own fumbling emotional support as best he could, just out of sheer solidarity. Like, he gets it. He's been there. He may as well help out.

And i think he wouldnt even realize how hypocritical he's being until someone else pointed it out to him, about how he treats this friend with so much care but is simultaneously cruel to himself. I dont think he'd know how to handle that-- he's sort of dug himself a rut in the road with the way he thinks about and treats himself, and the cognitive dissonance would be really uncomfortable for him. Ultimately a good thing!!! Growth is often very uncomfortable. But imo Grian has a tendency to run from things like feelings of discomfort, so i think it'd take him a while to reconcile his previous ways of thinking with whats being presented in front of him essentially in the form of a mirror.

So uh. tl;dr: he'd be a little hypocrite about it and would feel a lot more compassionately inclined towards the friend than he does himself, and would try to help them out as best he could. Thank you for the incredible question that has given me the opportunity to rotate this worm at even higher speeds than usual inside my brainpan DKNFEKNDSKDJKDKD

[somethingaboutmint]

"My demons holding me back from rambling about my sole-" JUST KIDDDINGGGGGG LMAAAAAOOOO look at her. Shes not having a good time adjusting to the wasteland (banged up hard) but is enjoying her new purpose of working with the minutemen and helping people. Teen mom swag

[vonlipvig]

i can't go to sleep because what do you mean zelenskyy used to be an actor and he created and starred in a show about a guy becoming president of ukraine. and then he went and became the president of ukraine. i didn't know you could do that. he literally voiced paddington bear.

[boatcats]

The thing about "You wanted to be Blackbeard. This is what it's like." And "Captain goes down with the ship" is that we've seen Stede run away from some responsibilities and we've seen him struggle with the extent of others.

But this is the first time we've seen the weight of being a pirate captain (and Blackbeard no less). It is life or death. For Ed's crew. For Stede's crew. And so also for Ed.

Ed can swim. But he shares the fate of the crew members who can't. There's a loyalty there but also such a weight. Such an incredible weight. And Ed wears it everywhere. And he is still able to be so gentle.

[thatmivy]

I think Thinking of Nina is an excellent song not just because it sounds great but because Marlon Williams understands the mindset of the average tumblr user:

Fall in love with a fictional character and write about how their tragic situation and how you want better for them.

[lbctal]

soooo was anyone else emotionally effected by the end scene of the i of the storm (s2e3) or was it just me lol

[adrift-in-thyme]

Not me realizing I’ve planned to whump Time three days in a row

[jupiterstupiter]

Someone said they wanted more 049 maskless so here you go ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ he is a zombie who started growing feathers because I said so and because bird man who makes zombies should at least look like a zombie

[fareehaandspaniards]

Damian headcanons

I need to put everything I have about him in one place! So let's begin.

First of all, he is a VERSATILE, MULTIGRANEOUS person, as the CANON shows us! (I swear it shows us)

*simping sounds*

His childhood. Damian comes from a big family, as it seems to me, and is not distinguished by noble blood. His desire to care for others began while he was a child growing up within the walls of his family’s noisy house. He was one of the eldest children (and had like 8 siblings. But not all of them survived in the end). And while his older brother and sister were firstly jealous of their younger siblings and then simply lost their feelings for both parents and siblings as they plunged into adulthood, Damian tried to take care of everyone - older siblings and younger, and the parents. I won't say that love reigned in his family. Rather, his sensitivity and care was seen as a flaw, and given that I see his parents as exceptionally practical and cynical people - I don't think anyone could understand Damian. Perhaps his mom sometimes did. (I should add that often if a child grows up neglected and left to themselves, they unconsciously putting themselves in opposition to surroundings. And it doesn't always lead to good things! But in Damian's case - he grew up to be a decent person) I also headcanon that one of his younger brothers, who died of an illness while still young, was very much like Micolash. Which was the beginning of their contact – in Byrgenwerth Damian noticed a young student with a thin, smiling face and black curls, and his heart ached with painful memories. There was the first desire to get to know him better, perhaps to help him in some way (Micolash had always been VERY thin, even skeleton-like, and I believe Damian was sincerely trying to "fatten" him up). But that was all back when Damian was watching him from afar.

Youth. Damian got into Byrgenwerth, partly because he showed promise by being well-read and educated and also had a passion for medicine, partly because one of his wealthier relatives (let it be his uncle, so often happens in romantic novels! Rich uncle appears out of nowhere xd) funded his enrollment, because I headcanon that Byrgenwerth is too elite a place to get in without money. But there were also situations where someone got in thanks to the help of the faculty. I think Willem never belonged to the "self-serving" people and was happy to accept into his alma mater those who ACTUALLY had an aptitude for sciences and an extraordinary mind. So Damian studied at Byrgenwerth, long before all the events of the Fishing Hamlet. He was good at his studies, but didn't want to go back home after graduating. The medical field didn't pull him in either, because Damian was too afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of failing. He worked one year in a Yharnam hospital where he learned the basics of patient care (I won't specify what his specialty was. I'll put it down to Victorian England and experimental medicine in general) Saw indifference, deaths, despair. For a doctor he loved people too much, burning out his heart when something was wrong. So he went back to Byrgenwerth. And Willem found him a position as an archivist with assistant functions. Damian had proven himself during his studies, so Willem entrusted him with the library section, documenting his own research papers and keeping his office in order. And by the time Micolash/Laurence/Rom/Yurie and etc got there, Damian was a grown man. (I believe the time of apprenticeship at the Byrgenwerth is from about 18 to 23-25. And when Micolash was 18, Damian was 28 or so)

Research Hall era. I picked up Katy's headcanon about Micolash working as a doctor there and doing bad things in an attempt to connect with Kos, and Rom being a patient. Since almost all of Byrgenwerth's students and staff moved to the Church (the most qualified and trusted), many characters ended up there one way or another. Damian also tried to start work there, but he couldn't. He couldn't be a doctor or even assistant. So he found another job and became one of the first Tomb Prospectors under Ludwig's leadership (Also helping sometimes to protect important persons of the Church and Research Hall). Along with Gremia, Olek and others. This job was considered heretical by Damian’s relatives, because they lived on old ideas and religion, and desecrating ancient tombs is not good! But Damian still stayed in his place. He wanted to be closer to Micolash. And also the deadly work distracted him from his horrible thoughts and from what the man dear to his heart was doing (I believe most of the experiments on Adelina were Micolash's doing). Damian kept silent about everything he saw and knew because he couldn't betray the one he loved. And… He was too weak to override his affection. With all his humanity, Damian couldn't, and that was his vice. His path that he had chosen. Also while serving as a Tomb Prospector, he became very close to Gremia, which I will talk more about. Very often during expeditions Damian could die. And somewhere he was saved, and somewhere he demonstrated the skills of an assassin himself. Gradually, his will to live faded because of constant anxiety for Micolash, lots of secrets that he had from Damian and those awful things from Research Hall that Damian knew but couldn’t tell anyone. Damian became a semblance of his former self, giving all his feelings to Micolash, hiding his own, and no longer trying to protect himself when he was attacked by the dead of the catacombs, what made Gremia very angry.

The time between the Research Hall and the Choir. Oh, I'm going to single this snippet out as my favorite. It's probably one of the most important points of Damian's formation as a person. Micolash was then faced with a dilemma - he knew - what he was doing was wrong, that Damian could die every time he went for a mission to dungeons, that Micolash’s distance from him was slowly killing him. And he didn't want to lose him - Damian was the most loyal person to him, who also loved him. So Micolash decided to try to reveal all his secrets to Damian and explain his interest in Kos. He let him look into his already blue eyes, which had changed after seeing Kos. And Damian, too, beheld the Great One. But if Micolash saw in his dream an angry deity seeking revenge and grieving for his child, Damian saw the true embodiment of maternal love, a goddess from the depths, protecting women and children, a true idol of warmth and love. And that was what he had been missing all along! He had found his faith. And realized why Micolash was willing to do literally anything to find a way to Kos. After that vision, Damian changed - he became calmer, more confident, he decided what he wanted from life and what he would devote himself to. Even in his missions to the catacombs he became more cold-blooded, tougher, but at the same time even more caring than he had been - arcane magic became surprisingly easy for him, and he used everything to protect and defend his comrades.

Choir era. Again, I mention that I'm actively using Katya's vision of the timeline - it fell into my soul, especially regarding Rom and Micolash. So in my headcanons, Rom is the head of Choir (which fits her so muuuuuuch). When Damian and Gremia retrieve the Chalice of Isz from the depths of the dungeons that allowed to meet Ebraitas, the Choir was founded. Micolash becomes one of the first scientists of the new institution, but is very skeptical of everything. During this period, Damian loses the last strings of his connection with Rom, as she goes to Ebraitas and keeps in touch with her. He forms an amusing bond with Yurie (though the two knew each other since Byrgenwerth), as she feels about the same way about Rom as he does about Micolash. Yurie and Damian are interested in each other, but are too busy with their lovers to take each other seriously. However, some kind of connection between them remains, whether it's rivalry or mutual understanding. I don't think they have realized what it is!

The School of Mensis. When Micolash takes everything he needed from the Choir, he leaves. Damian doesn't hesitate to go after him, abandoning his service as a Tomb Prospector, which made Gremia angry. Many scientists follow Micolash. He and Damian manage to drag even Caryll with them, for whom there was a fight between Laurence and Micolash (and Caryll himself despised both of them lol). I have to say that I will never, ever believe that the only members of the School of Mensis are Damian and Micolash themselves as people like to say in the fandom! Really? Two people did ALL this amount of work? Took control of the village? Get a building for the School? Made a bunch of cages? Etc? Two people did all of this together??? Too much! So here we are. Damian became Micolash's right-hand man, which makes sense – he has been with him all his life. And I believe it was Damian that he left all the communication with the Yahar’gul elders, accepting new recruits (Hello, Edgar!), providing the School with food, water and all the necessities! (Damian started working as a manager. 7 days a week, 25 hours a day, salary - a kiss from Micolash, bonus - according to the situation y’know xD) Getting back to the serious narrative, I believe that in the School of Mensis Damian fully revealed his faith in Kos, and that's where his and Micolash's paths started to diverge. Katy mentioned that Micolash was the wrath of Kos. So I headcanon that Damian is her Love. If Micolash stubbornly went to his goal, not shunning cruelty, horrors, experiments and violence, Damian tried to minimize the victims, finding victims himself for Micolash’s experiments among the "scum" of Yahar’gul (I won't go into details about what kind of people they were. The worst kind, most likely. I trust Damian in his choice!), used force only where it was necessary, and saved the students of the School from the approaching madness. I'm sure there were a lot of recidivists and heretics among Micolash's followers, as well as the insane, so Damian had time to deal with them. He quickly gained a reputation as the "father" (or "mother") to all the students. (Even Edgar! I believe that after learning of Edgar's true origins, Damian did not try to eliminate him. Edgar was suffering too. And he felt sorry for him). Also, Damian invented the Mensis Cage. As a way to protect and keep Micolash safe.

The sunset of the School of Mensis. Caryll left back to the Church, feeling awful things to come. Micolash moved forward steadily. And gradually the children were drawn into his experiments.

Actually, Micolash started to go insane, but you couldn’t say that just seeing him or even knowing him as Damian knew. No, he changed in a term of his desire for knowledge and lost his last moral borders. He used kids and told to Damian his last project – to summon a Great One, using a cord and children, almost as Laurence did. Ritual could destroy almost erhh everything, and Micolash himself, but did Micolash really care? I don’t’ think so. He cared about mind more than about physical body and didn’t actually care about other people anymore, even a bit. (He is not evil despite all my telling. He just saw his goal too good. And couldn’t be stopped) This was the last straw for Damian. It was here that their conflict occurred, after which Damian left the School. Even though Micolash had changed a lot, losing his past self, it was still painful for him, even too much for his aching mind. So much so that he almost came to the state we find him in the game. He had literally lost his mind! And he was left without the only person he trusted (with his paranoia alone) and loved in his own way. Almost immediately afterward, Micolash throws all his energy into preparing for the Ritual. Yahar’gul people were dragged out of their houses, tied up and sent to "fuel" of Ritual by chaining them to chairs (including kids. Micolash used a trick to make them follow him using an arcane magic and voices from beyond that they could hear. So kids followed him «by their will» (no))

Damian was the one who reported everything to Rom, making his way to her through Choir and Yurie to try save Yharnam from Ritual, since Yahar’gul is already a lost cause. After that, the barrier sheltered Yahar’gul, hiding everything that had happened. (I didn’t mention how Edgar was left there, but it’s absolutely another topic, as I made a huge headcanon about it)

After a time, Damian returned to Yahar’gul. Almost nobody could do it, since Rom gave herself to shield Yahar’gul, but Damian had his way with some arcane tricks. He found what was left of the School of Mensis and found Edgar's corpse. As I wrote in the post about Eileen and Bloody Crow, Damian buried him, hoping his soul would find peace. And that's what helped Edgar finally TRULY die in Nightmare, which eased his suffering. Damian dared not do the same with Micolash’s corpse. Nor could he (Micolash wouldn’t like it as Damian knew) He wished to end all of Yharnam's suffering, so he helps the player all the way. But he couldn't raise a hand against someone who he loved. So all he did was light candles in the room where Micolash's body was left. And helped the player come to his goal. When the mummy of his dearest man stopped exuding sparks of soul presence, and the Nightmare was defeated by the Hunter, Damian was gone. I don't want to think how exactly, I've never considered suicide something romantic. But he died without waiting for the new dawn of Yharnam. After all, his purpose was fulfilled. And his love was waiting for him on the other side. (There is an interesting thought that Micolash is trapped within his dead body after Hunter defeats him. But I don’t like it. Micolash doesn’t need extra punishment. He is already punished by himself. He didn’t ascend and he knows it. He desperately calls to Kos and Great One of the sea doesn’t answer. He has lost everything already. I think he actually hates himself for a failure and for losing those who were dear to him. Maybe I am too romantic but even monsters have their own philosophy and feelings. Everybody needs love in their special way and Micolash is no exception. But he lost it. So let him rest in peace)

*cries*

Now I'll go through all the character relationships, charting them in more detail!

Micolash. Micolash in young age was a fairly innocent, but flighty young man, and quickly found an adventure during studying in Byrgenwerth, which Damian pulled him out of. That's how they met. (In detail, Micolash was trying to get the answers to an exam, but in addition to them he accidentally got the key to Willem's office. When he secretly got in there in the night, he was spotted by the local cleaning lady and Damian, the archivist. Damian covered Mico’s ass as he saw that all Micolash was interested in was not the Master's personal belongings, but his writings related to the exploration of the ancient catacombs. Micolash was so interested in Willem’s researches that sneaked in his cabinet just to READ. Such selflessness touched Damian, and he helped him out of the whole situation by taking the trouble to hide everything on himself). Gradually they grew closer, and Damian helped him in many ways on his life path, and Mikolash appreciated it very much, trying to respond in kind, but sincerely not understanding why so much kindness and affection for him. If we add the romantic side to it (hehehehe, well, I can't live without it), in my vision, Damian was a man that Micolash had his first time with, and with Laurence Mico had his first kiss, which happened on a bet, was very awkward and they didn't talk for a very long time afterwards (gay disaster). (Actually, I could write a separate post about who had a first kiss with who, what it was like and how it affected the formation of their personalities xD Forgive me for that!). All his life, Damian followed Micolash wherever he went, being his sort of "guardian angel", and Micolash trusted him with literally everything. Micolash was not the kind of person who would give all of himself to another. And often Micolash's behavior made Damian burn up, gave him headaches and tears at night. But our future mad scientist did his best to be better for Damian, scoping out a birthday present for him (and it was really hard, because Damian almost never talked about his own wishes), spending as much time with him as possible, and being affectionate (I believe Micolash is very tactile, so no matter how he feels about a person, he needs touch to express his emotions). I spike them so much that it's my personal canon, but that doesn't mean there aren't other pairings for me with Damian xdD

Damian: Babe you are about killing the entire town and yourself. Pls stop.

Micolash:

Rom. Their relationship has always been something of an oddity. They are both sympathetic, kind individuals. And Rom often found comfort during the Byrgenwerth years in Damian's hug. They never tried to cross the line and become something more, they had a sort of father-daughter bond. Rom may have liked him as a man, but Micolash quickly made it clear that this was his territory xD At one point Rom was the cause of intense jealousy on Micolash's part, and when he was jealous it was just awful (he was capable of almost anything). Although Damian did eventually make his choice towards Micolash, he and Rom maintained a good relationship and friendship. So in the days of Choir, as Rom grew up and became a strong medium and a confident woman, she and Damian found time to occasionally chat and exchange gossips. When Damian found his faith in Kos, they understood each other even better, for he too could Feel.

Caryll. Since Byrgenwerth, he's only made two friends - Damian and Rom. They (and Willem!!!) were the only ones who were unselfishly kind to him, and also never forgot his birthday. One day the two of them surprised him, preparing a gift, small cake, his favourite sweets and a tiny candle that they found specially for him. They made for him a really good evening just to make him a bit happier, which made Caryll cry then, a first time for him in years. As Caryll grew older, his visions and ability to read Runes became the most important discovery for the entire Church. So at one point, the fight for Caryll between Micolash and Laurence began. As I said, he couldn't stand them both! But Damian persuaded him to follow Micolash to the School of Mensis, for there he would find peace, quiet and solitude to continue his studies. So, on his own terms, Caryll ended up there, occasionally forcing Micolash to fulfill his little whims and chatting sweetly with Damian! In general, I believe that Caryll is an extremely caustic, witty and inventive person. So he often made Micolash do things he doesn't want to do - like carry him coffee xd And he had a strong friendship and respect with Damian. Just Caryll:

So he was always nice with Damian, call him «Damie» and asked him to move his wheelchair (as I headcanon that Caryll was stuck to his wheelchair since youth, then could stand due to healing blood and then used a wheelchair again because of his own decision not to use blood) around the room lol Caryll never understood why his friend would follow a madman and love him as well. And often made fun of it xd He left School of Mensis before the catastrophe, letting only Damian know about it and hoped that he will do the same.

Yurie. During the Byrgenwerth years, they were sort of rivals for Rom’s heart (according to Yurie. Damian didn't know that xdd), but when Yurie discovered that Damian's heart was occupied, she calmed down, and that also paved the way for a small friendship (of the two main simps. Brador was too far away back then to join them :^)). Damian was a librarian and archivist, as I said, and Yurie often visited him for advice or just to chat. She was always "grown up" compared to other students, and she was comfortable with Damian. I should also note that they could very well have been a couple. And would have been a great husband and wife together! But hard simping got in the way xd And to think, talking seriously… The range of emotions Yurie felt when Damian cames (albeit in the form of a phantom) to help the player with killing Rom can't be described in words.

Sir Gremia. I've recently discovered just HOW interesting is this character! I think their relationship started during the Tomb Prospectors years, when a blood mess was just beginning. And it started terribly well - their battle tactics were opposite, their outlook on life too. It was incredibly difficult for them to work together, with Gremia rushing forward and Damian waiting and attacking from afar. (they could help each other and complement, but they became sort of rivals – who is better) They both almost died like that if not one of other Tomb Prospectors who saved the two. It even came to a fight sometimes! They were basically like the cat and dog from the cartoons, which annoyed all others xD bitches be like:

When Damian changed after getting the vision, he became different, and now he was the one who was rescuing and pulling Gremia out of the clutches of death, which awakened Gremia's feelings. Gremia hid it, but he fell in love with Damian like the opposite of the opposite. Damian, on the other hand, was not only uninterested, but also extremely surprised. I headcanon Gremia as a VERY open, like "what I think is what I say" kind of person, so over time the arguments and fights turned into light flirting, teasing and compliments to Damian, which always went unrequited. (Actually, why not? The pairing is really good! And Gremia/Damian has taken up its place in my shipping heart. Their relationship could be something incredible, given Gremia's masculinity and Damian's masculine-feminine attitude and motherly care. I think Gremia would have seen him as a girl, generally having an interest more in women, and Damian would have had a hard time revealing his feminine side and his desire to BE protected rather than protect himself). When Damian quit the service, they severed their friendship and all that it had been. Gremia remained angry with him, for Damian had traded all their companionship of several years for Micolash, going into science rather than battle.

Laurence. Laurence and Damian rarely interacted openly (mostly Micolash was against it and prevented them from communicating in every possible way), but mutual respect was maintained by the one time when Damian stopped young Laurence and protected Rom from him (he punched him, when Laurence was too excited to leave her alone. Laurence was really angry back then, bur later realized that Damian did the right thing). Laurence would like to have someone as loyal as him by his side (I can just imagine him sitting at the window, like "I wish I had someone as loving and understanding!", and Brador in the background, "Am I a joke to you????", and you can hear Gehrman’s cursing from Hunter's Dream xD).

Eileen. They were good acquaintances, occasionally having a drink together. The thing that connected them was that they both dreamed of children, only Eileen had a little Crow, and Damian took care of the whole Mensis School and Micolash. A very warm, gentle understanding.

Edgar. I'm currently working on a fanfic on this topic! And rather than explain the whole biography of Edgar as I see it, I'll just say about him and Damian! I think Damian didn't immediately realize that the boy was a spy of Choir, it rather came to Micolash first. But by the time the truth was revealed, Damian had learned that Edgar was actually a child abandoned by everyone, forgotten by the Choir and surrounded by enemies, with no faith in heart. So do I headcanon that he "adopted" him? (You can go into the pairing here, and I like it, but I'm still more in favor of family relationship). Damian has finally found a pure soul, a child he can take care of. And that helped Edgar find himself, choose a path. But unfortunately, it didn't save him from his fate, because Mikolash ended up taking him for himself. Like a piece of property or even a toy. His and Damian's story together is a terribly sad one.....

Willem. Master of Byrgenwerth trusted Damian a lot, if only because he was an excellent judge of character and saw that he wouldn't deceive him even if he wanted to. Damian was his personal assistant, but no more, I mean Willem kept him away from his researches about the Great Ones until he decided to make public the information about what was found in Fishing Hamlet. Trust, respect, friendship, a little bit of everything. When Willem was alone in Byrgenwerth, and Damian and Yurie were around, Willem spoke to him. Only they were already incoherent sets of words that Damian couldn't understand.

Gehrman. Damian and Gehrman both befriended with the Byrgenwerth students, being noticeably older than them. Gehrman is not as sensitive, but is also very romantic like Damian, and I think they would have a lot in common. All in all, Micolash and Laurence could use them as their support while arguing xd I think that Damian could be a bit jealous that Gehrman has a young apprentice that adores him (and in my hc fell in love with her), because he also wanted someone who would adore him :^(

Maria. Maria would find him an interesting person I think, as in my hc she likes gentle and sensitive men, not only romantically but as good friends, because they are more comfortable to talk with. But in Research Hall era… Oh Kos, she could even try to kill him, and Damian couldn’t blame her for that. Damian was silent about Micolash and didn’t tell anyone, letting him to do everything he need with poor Adeline (I hc that Adeline didn’t mind because fell in love with Micolash BUT it’s another topic xd). Maria’s death was under a secret, that Laurence kept, and Damian knew too late, that she killed herself. Shock was awful.

Little headcanons!

- Damian loves citrus, and fruits and berries in general. His favorites are oranges and figs. Caravans from Loran could theoretically deliver some local goods to Yharnam once a month, and Damian would be a regular customer there!

- Damian creates coziness literally everywhere he finds himself. He loves luxury goods, a fireplace, beautiful kitchen appliances, jewelry looking like a rose and more!

- Micolash gave Damian his ring with the family monogram, all that was left from Micolash's mother. It was a gesture of trust and love, and also a small token for everyone else, because Micolash was extremely jealous. Mico be like (in any ship):

- Damian gave Edgar a sedative left with him in the Nightmare of Mensis.

- He and Gremia had crossed paths several times since Damian had left for the School of Mensis, and those encounters had not been pleasant! Damian had become too self-sufficient to feel guilty, and Gremia was still angry (but hinted that if the latter was suddenly alone, there was one willing to spend their last days together hdddd Sorryyyyyyy)

- When Micolash forgot that human like himself needs to wash, eat, and generally take a break from books, Damian would take care of it - shaving, cutting his hair, dressing him and so on.

Some local memes becuase iit is TOO funny. Imagine Gremia visiting therapist

Damian is a kind-hearted man, a gentle, warm person, in whose company almost anyone would enjoy being. He gave all of himself to Mikolash, and it almost killed him until he met Kos. After finding his goddess, Damian became stronger person. He began to appreciate and love himself. He became more solid in character. At the same time, his care became boundless, and he began to draw strength from it, rather than losing it by giving it to others. His weakness - his unending loyalty and his need for Micolash had played a cruel joke on him. His life could have been completely different - there were opportunities to be happy with someone else at every step, but he chose the path of his beloved. Damian had always dreamed of children. Wanted his own child, dreamed so much that he dreamed about it and woke up with tears on his eyes. Children in general were his greatest moral value. He had killed men and women, cut up flesh, experimented on his own while creating the Mensis Cage. But he could never do that to a child. Nor with Micolash, who had become both brother and child to him, and also lover – his only family. Perhaps he would have done more good for Yharnam if he had never met Micolash. But to give himself to him and spend his life that way was his complete choice (he could have been with any person around him! Almost everyone liked him!).

I didn't even think I would like him that much! xd But this is my favorite archetype. The protector, the guardian angel who gave all his good soul to one single person.

Thanks for reading whoever you are!! He became really important to me, my comfort character, so all my blah blah now here.

[go-to-the-mirror]

Ninth Doctor really out there adventuring through time and space being a disaster bisexual