#he could stab me ANYDAY

[ddaeng-angmoh]

I was supposed to sleep— but my hand slipped 😭😭😭

@yeontanismypresident it wasn’t going to be Sope, but then I thought of you 🤧

[error404-drawnotfound]

:) you do not even know how long his faces took

[llemonteaa]

Your daily dose of angst

No one deserves to be second best. That’s something you learnt the hard way.

Pairings: Oikawa x f!reader & Iwaizumi x f!reader 

WC: 1,769

Warnings: swearing, angst (with a little dose of fluff at the end :)  

You always wondered, even to this day, why Oikawa had chosen you in the first place. When asked what his ideal type was, Oikawa would laugh and say, “Someone who makes me look greater than I already am of course,” Cue Iwaizumi smacking him in the head.

“Mean Iwa-Chan! Fine, my ideal type would preferably be someone with fair hair, an adorable smile and a lovely ass to rest my head on. Oh, and she must also love milkbread.”

None of those boxes would be ticked for you unfortunately. Your hair was jet black and curtained part of your face, which only added to your supposedly mean aura. Your resting face was somewhat frightening and your smile could be described as Kageyama’s Cheshire Cat grin. Not to mention your ass was almost as non existent as Oikawa’s (oops), and you much preferred pork buns to milkbread. 

Yet despite that, Oikawa had asked you out one humid Friday afternoon, exactly 7 months ago today. But you realised, maybe a bit too late, that a lot can happen in 7 months.

Oikawa of course, was infamous for having fangirls practically glued to his hip wherever he went. And dating you didn’t change that in the slightest. In fact, his fangirls, especially one in particular, seemed to go up and above their way to spend time with your boyfriend, even when you were inevitably stood by his side. 

“As I was saying-” you began.

“Oikawa! I was just hoping to bump into you!” someone swatted you aside, your vision now platinum curls.

Reni. She practically threw herself onto Oikawa, bending over slightly so that he’s have a clear view of the lace panties underneath her unbelieveably short skirt. 

“Oh hey Reni. What’s up?” Your boyfriend turned to face who you called his number one, entirely devoted, fangirl.

“So, about our History project, would it be too much trouble to ask for some help? I’ve been racking my brains trying to figure it all out, even sacrificing much required beauty sleep, but I’m still yet to make any progress. And seeing how you are quite the History whizz...”

“Of course Reni, you’re the first person who’s complimented me on my brains. When would you like to meet up?” It was almost a joke how YOUR boyfriend seemed to be spending more time with a girl who had nothing but the audacity, than his s/o herself. And History whizz your ass, everyone including Iwaizumi, who had overheard that particular part of the conversation as he passed and scoffed, knew that it would be a miracle if the teacher graded him on History at all. 

“If you could, now would be a great time.” Reni fluttered her eyelashes which reminded you of rather hairy caterpillars. 

“Well I’m not doing anything as of now, apart from talking to y/n, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. Right y/n?” Both pairs of eyes seemed to acknowledge you for the first time. You, the girlfriend, but at the same time you the thirdwheel, apparently. 

“Well in fact I do mind but...” you hadn’t even managed to get out before Reni used her large boobs to push you out of the way.

“You see Oikawa, y/n doesn’t mind at all. So come on now, my books are in my dorm.” 

And with that, she grabbed your boyfriend’s arm and dragged him down the hall in the direction of the girl’s dorms, Oikawa throwing a sheepish glance over his shoulder.

“We’ll resume our conversation in a bit y/n~” 

Yeah right. You’d probably forget what you were even talking to him about by the time he came back from the spawn of Satan’s hellhole. 

In the weeks that followed, you found every minute of your time alone with Oikawa accompanied by Reni. No matter where or what you were doing with your boyfriend, she always seemed to find an excuse to but it. And Oikawa was nevertheless, just as oblivious to Reni’s attempts to jump in his pants as he was to your blatant annoyance.

“But y/n you have to understand. Reni hurt her ankle yesterday during her cheerleading practise and being the kind friend I am, I had to help her make her way around school.” Your boyfriend attempted to reason with you, after you had pulled him behind the school gym where he was moments from entering. This was partially because you had desperately needed to confront him about how much time he seemed to be unnecessarily spending with Reni and also in an attempt to prevent the devil herself from seeking you guys, Oikawa specifically, out.

“No, I don’t have to understand. Reni dropped the sprained ankle act the moment she thought my back was turned. God you can be so blind sometimes.” You rubbed your eyes tiredly.

“y/n, now you’re just being unreasonable. You know I only ever spend time with Reni when she’s in need of my help. I’m simply doing what any decent friend would do.”

“Except she needs your help all the goddamn time. You could ask anyone, anyone, and they’ll tell you how Reni’s been crushing on you since way before we got together.”

“Yes, I know that, but she’s stopped liking me since I asked you out. y/n what’s so hard for you to understand?”

“Everything Oikawa, everything is so hard to understand. And yet I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand the most. Reni doesn’t ever need your help, she just wants it. And she wants it to the point where she’s willing to make up any crappy excuse to get alone with you. I’m starting to think you guys are the ones dating and I’m just the ‘friend’.”

“y/n you know that’s not true...”

“Do I know that? Do I? Because if I did, then I wouldn’t constantly need to be fighting for your attention knowing it’s always going to be a losing battle. Your there for Reni more than you’re there for me, and we’re the ones in a relationship. I’m not stopping you from seeing Reni because that would just be wrong on my behalf, but at least put some effort in Oikawa.”

“Put some effort in? Oh you must be fucking kidding me. You should be grateful I even asked you out in the first place instead of telling me to put some effort in. The difference between you and Reni is that she’s not a jealous and clingy bitch who can’t even handle her own partner from seeing his friends without kicking up a fight. I could easily dump you anyday y/n and yet I haven’t, so how about you put some effort in and stop being so fucking controlling.”

It seemed as if everything came to a standstill the moment those venomous words left his mouth. It made your eyes water and your heart clench, every syllable of ‘jealous’, every syllable of  ‘controlling’, stabbed your heart to the point you wondered if you’d ever be able to piece it back together. 

Yet through the darkness a tiny flicker of light fought its way through. And that tiny flicker of light is what reminded you that not a single bit of this stupid argument was your fault. Blinking a few times, you forced yourself to bite back your tears that threatened to tumble, before clenching your fists to the point your knuckles turned white, and glowered up at your soon to be ex boyfriend. 

“I lowered my fucking standards for you Tooru. Lowered my fucking standards to be with someone who only sees me as second best. Who’d rather let some  bitch with a skirt shorter than your hindsight to drag you around like a doll with no brains. All this time I could’ve been with someone who wouldn’t let their ‘friend’ control every minute of their life and completely disregard the fact that they were taken. Well lucky for you Tooru, Reni’s all yours now. She’s won, that bitch with the cockroach eyelashes has won. So now you can get the fuck out of my way because we’re over.” 

And with that you shoved your way past your ex, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your blazer, your hair framing your face now slick with fresh tears. 

It was his loss after all. His loss that he wasn’t able to decipher friendliness from flirtiness. Or maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe Oikawa knew ignoring his relationship status to spend time with someone who was quite blatantly ready to jump into his pants at any given opportunity was wrong. Maybe Oikawa knew he’d have you forever, he’d have you to come back to when everyone else left him for the same reason his last girlfriend did. Except this time he was wrong. He didn’t have you forever. And it was all his fault. 

Deep down he knew you had every right to shove past him, he knew you had every right to be furious with him, yet admitting that would’ve been the last thing he’d do. So instead Oikawa just scoffed before heading in the opposite direction that you had disappeared in, and into the gym. Completely oblivious to the fact that his best friend had just heard the entire event go down. 

2 months later

You giggled as you let your boyfriend Iwaizumi drag you along the school halls. Similar to how you used to watch her do to him. Except in this point in time, you could honestly care less about_ them._ Now you had found yourself a perfect boyfriend who saw you as nothing but the best. He’d see through any girl’s lame attempts to buy themselves alone time with him and would certainly cherish every moment spent together. Hajime knew just how easy it was to let someone slip through your fingers when you took advantage of them just being there, after seeing the exact situation enravel in front of his best friend only a couple months ago. 

“Babe are you even listening to me?” 

God was her voice annoying. 

“Babe.”

Oikawa sighed before finally glancing down at the girl who spent every second possible hanging off him like the school tie he wore. 

“Hm Reni.” He zoned out the moment she began rambling on about God knows what. Probably something to do with how he seemed to have gained more fangirls or whatever. But he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was you. You, who was currently skipping along with his best friend, happier than you’d ever been with him. You who was never like this. Never like Reni who was jealous, clingy and so fucking controlling. 

Oh.

a/n: We all know that both Oikawa and Iwaizumi would be the best boyfriends ever despite Oikawa being a piece of shit in this.😌 

[msookyspooky]

Me coming up with fake scenarios after ch 1 of the Trilogy

Ray - *leaning against our house on the Stab 3 set up with a smirk. * So, come around here often? 😏

Us-*grinning with crossed arms* Nah, I'm just here to do some sightseeing *litterly looks Ray up and down like the meal he is. * Especially considering it's free.

Ray - *snickering* I can't blame you. I do lift videogames all day. *Flexing his muscles*

Us, about to lose our composure - You could play me aNyDaY BAbY. *Walks up onto our fake porch sassily before opening the door. * Would you like to come in? *Smirks and wiggles brows while giggles slip out. *

Ray - "Of course m'lady." *bows*

Billy and Stu, in the shadows - *twitching madly*

I HAVE NO REGRETS WASTING TIME TYPING THAT. Ray needs recognition for them flirting skills lol I'm ready to be serenaded in public Ray 🥴 and to have Billy and Stu on a tight leash, losing it 😊

Billy & Stu:

[moonyswriting]

Pretty

Happy Birthday Remus!!

This fic is written by me and the brilliant dani! @unadulteratedpaperparadise. she'll probably say we both did the same amount, but without her there wouldn't have been a remus birthday fic today, so give her all the love! she deserves it.

Characters by @lumosinlove

“I don’t know about this…” Remus said questioningly.

“C’mon, Re,” Sirius pleaded. “It’ll be fun, I promise.” He punctuated his sentence with a kiss to Remus’ ear.

Remus sighed, “Fine. One time and if I hate it, I get to do yours.”

Sirius' eyes lit up and he actually bounced a bit on his toes. “Hell yes, Re! You’ll look even better than you usually do.”

A blush crept up on his face and he couldn’t keep the smile from his lips. “So?”, he asked, looking expectantly at his boyfriend.

“Ooh, okay. Sit down”, Sirius barely hid his smile as he turned around to get the makeup from where he’d put it.

“Okay, baby,” Remus laughed as he sat down. “You’re really excited about this, huh?”

“Yeah, I mean I just think you’ll look hot,” Sirius said. “I mean, you always look hot but-”

“Relax, I know what you meant,” His infectious chuckle continued.

“Okay. Can I start? Are you ready to become even more beautiful?”, Sirius was smiling over both cheeks now as he picked up a brush and some kind of container.

“Stop it,” Remus blushed a little every time Sirius paid him a compliment, even after all this time.

His smile turned into a grin and he was sure Remus knew what he had gotten himself into. “What? I can’t tell my gorgeous, brilliant, wickedly hot boyfriend that he is the light of my life and the best person on earth? Now what’s the fun in that?”, he leaned down and kissed Remus’ cheeks, where his blush had darkened to a deep red.

Remus hid his face in his hands, willing the blush to go away. He stared up into those beautiful blue eyes and suddenly it didn’t matter if he was blushing; it didn’t matter if he was at the bottom of the Mariana Trench or the top of Mount Everest, he would look up into those eyes. Those eyes that looked at him like he was worth something… worth everything.

Sirius’ smile softened, “You’re perfect.”, he paused and just looked at the other for what felt like an eternity, “Okay. Makeup!”

Sirius pulled out the makeup bag that Lily had prepared for him. It was reflective, proclaiming “Find yourself and be that!” Sirius smiled at the wording, knowing that now he had found himself and that he was, in fact, being that.

He got out a sparkly eyeshadow and a big fluffy brush and then stopped looking a bit sheepish, “What do I start with?”

“From the one makeup video I’ve ever watched, I think you start with foundation?” Remus guessed, shrugging.

“Ah. Yes, of course,” he went looking through the bag again mumbling to himself, “Foundation. Yeah, I know what that looks like, I’ll just-”

“Glass bottle.”

“I knew that, but thank you. Foundation.”, he said as he held up the bottle in victory, accompanied with a sponge in the other hand.

“I think you gotta wet the sponge first,” Remus supplied helpfully (?). “I mean, I think.”

“You’re awfully knowledgable for someone who’s only watched one makeup tutorial, huh?” Sirius smirked as he splashed a little foundation onto the back of his hand.

“Maybe I watch the occasional beauty guru,” Remus conceded. “Maybe I watch beauty ASMR videos and if I do, it’s my business and mine alone.” He huffed out, a little embarrassed.

“You are adorable.”, Sirius placed a lingering kiss onto Remus' forehead, “And now, foundation!” The black-haired boy carefully soaked the sponge into the liquid and dabbed it onto his boyfriend's cheeks. “Is this right, Mr. Makeup ASMR?”, he asked Remus in a teasing tone covering his face slowly in the light beige Lily had brought them.

“Yes,” Remus gritted through his teeth playfully.

“Awww, you look like an angry little puppy when you do that,” Sirius cooed whilst continuing his ministrations. “Don’t pout, it’s bad for the makeup.” Remus’ eye twitched in mock-irritation.

Remus sighed once the other was satisfied with his work. “Concealer is next. So please, make these under eye bags disappear.”

Sirius acted annoyed, but he knew Remus could see, he was glad for the instructions. “I love them, though. They’re part of you. You work too hard, that’s what they show.”

“This is makeup. It’s reversible.”, Remus smiled. He had never liked his eyebags, which had always kind of just been there, but it made him warm up to hear Sirius did.

“Fine.” a pout on his lips, the taller man covered the skin under Remus’ eyes with a lighter shade, watching the light purple disappear.

“So pretty, baby,” Sirius said lovingly as he patted the product into his boyfriend’s delicate skin.

“Hey, that’s my line,” Remus reached out to hold Sirius’ left hand, which was resting lightly on his cheek to give him stability when applying the makeup. He gently tugged it away from his own cheek to place a kiss in between his boy’s knuckles. “You’re so soft here. I thought your skin would be rough.” He flipped Sirius’ hand over in his his, analyzing every nook and cranny, crevice and callous.

“Why would my knuckles-” Sirius’ affection for the man before him killed the query on his lips. His eyes fluttered down briefly then, softly, met Remus’. “I like being soft with you.”

“I like all of you, baby. Smooth sides and rough edges,” Remus said, still absently playing with Sirius’ hand.

“Even after all these years, you still always know what to say to me,” Sirius said, staring deeply into Remus’ light amber eyes.

“I still don’t think that’s true,” Remus huffed a quick laugh.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Sirius pulled away slightly to pick up a small pot of blush.

He used a large fluffy brush to pick up a little bit of the bright pink product and leaned back over to his lover.

“Light, upward strokes,” Sirius spoke softly, intently focused on the application of the blush.

“Huh, never knew you to be one for light strokes,” Remus joked.

Sirius couldn’t help the smile, but chose to wash over the comment, instead applying the pink power onto his boyfriend’s cheeks. “You look so cute! Like you’re blushing.”, he said, once he was done, looking at Remus.

“If that’s what it looks like you might have added too much.”, he laughed, ignoring the actual blush that spread under the makeup across his cheeks. As Sirius just kept staring at him,his face felt hotter. Remus took a deep breath, “Come on. Want to do something with my eyes?”

The black haired shook out of his trans, “Yes, yeah, of course. This is the most important part. You’re going to love it.”

“You promised that for the rest aswell.”

Sirius turned around, the smallest amount of actual hurt on his face mixed with a load of cockyness. “What? You don’t love your look so far?”

“No, I adore it. I look fantastic.” Remus answered, his voice dripping in irony.

The other smiled and then dropped a kiss onto his nose, “You always do.”

“So we’re done?”

“You’re not getting out of this, love,” Sirius came back with a whole palette of colors, ranging from deep purples to sparkly golds. He struggled to open it and after a while wordlessly held it out to Remus.

He smiled, but opened it for his lover and returned it.

Sirius sprinkled a light layer of sparkly gold over Remus’ eyelid. He added a burgundy to the crease, accentuating the shape of his eye with classic Lions colors. He added a couple swipes of mascara.

“I’m not fucking around with eyeliner,” Sirius laughed. “I feel like I could do some real damage with that stuff and I do not want to go to the ER today. Or anyday. No ER for you, my sweetheart.”

Remus joined in with his boyfriend’s laughter. “Yeah. Imagine having to explain that.”

“I accidentally stabbed my love blind with eyeliner,”

“Sounds about right,” Remus chuckled. “That would definitely happen to us.”

Sirius made grabby hands at Remus’ sweater paws and reached out to pull him up and out of the chair he was sitting in, spinning him around slowly to face the mirror.

“I look…” Remus trailed off. Sirius came up behind him and snaked his arms around his waist.

“Pretty. You look so pretty, sweetheart,” Sirius cooed sweetly.

“Yeah,” Remus whispered, vaguely aghast. “I look pretty.”

“Let’s go take some pictures, pretty boy,” Sirius swatted at Remus’ ass playfully. Remus cracked up, tilting over the hips just laughing so hard.

“Let’s go, baby,” and with that, Remus placed a sweet kiss on Sirius’ lips and took his hand, leading them downstairs for a mini photoshoot.

[closedmadness]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊

summary: jughead always chose betty over you despite being best friends with you much longer. you made an effort, did everything for him, gave him your everything. but still, it wasn’t enough. you wanted him to choose you, but he never did; your first love ended in a painful heartbreak — and as if the universe is giving you another chance, you met a new boy with raven hair and a serpent tattoo on his neck

pairings: jughead jones x male reader, sweet pea x male reader

warnings → angst・fucking angst・suicide attempt・shitty mother・verbal abuse・self-harm・swearing・alcohol・maybe a little tiniest bit of a fluff (idk there might be none)・sweet pea being a sweetie

a/n: part two is up!!

veronica, kevin and archie looked at you in pity and sadness as you watched betty and jughead chatting together across the room. it was cheryl’s party and each people were spending their night joyful, jamming along the blasting music that played in the background, the only person who didn’t seem to be enjoying this night was you.

you can’t when you’re watching the love of your life gaze lovingly at the love of his life.

the three of your friends were well aware of your feelings for the beanie-wearing boy and always tried to convince you to confess to him, but you always resisted. it was no point in confessing to him when his heart is already taken by the blonde beauty.

“(y/n/n)... don’t stare at them, you’re only going to hurt yourself.” veronica told you softly, placing her hand above yours. “i can’t watch you be so sad over them anymore.” she said with a sad look on her face.

you turned towards her and covered your aching heart. “i’m not sad over them, ronnie. why would i be? jughead is in love with betty and he’s happy being in love.” you smiled, but it came out forced.

veronica sighed, shaking her head. kevin placed his hand on your shoulder, “(y/n), everyone can see the way you look at them. the only people who doesn’t see it are betty and jughead.” you just shrugged at him in return and looked down at the alcohol you were holding.

Betty and Jughead weren’t together, but they were in love with each other. Everyone can see it and even when it was painful for you, you saw it too. Their eyes literally lights up when the others entered the room, they make googly love eyes towards each other, and Jughead literally does everything for Betty.

Meanwhile, everyone sees the way you gaze after him longingly. Veronica, Archie and Kevin were always the witness of you doing everything for Jughead despite being unappreciated. They saw how you helped Jughead dress up for Betty, how you gave him advices to impress her, how you always asked him to hang out with you only to get rejected because he was going to hang out with Betty. They witnessed every moment of your heartbreak; it hurts them how you care selflessly for Jughead but he doesn't see it.

“(Y/n), you gotta stop this.” Archie said softly, trying to talk some sense into you. “You're just killing yourself. You try to impress him, hang out with him, help him with everything, but he doesn't even give you any attention, yet you're still trying.”

“Why do you still try?” Kevin was next to ask, his tone as soft as Archie's.

You sighed, licking your lips and avoiding eye contact with them. “I guess there's just still a part of me that hopes he will notice me someday. That he will choose me. All these efforts, this– this sacrifices? I'm only doing it because I have a hope that he will.” You looked up from the floor to them and was met with three disapproving looks.

“(Y/n/n)...” Veronica starts, her voice soft as well, but had a firm tone in it. “How much do you have to get hurt for you to finally realize that he won't notice you?”

It was harsh, but true. That is the reality and Veronica is just trying to snap you out of your stupidity. But you can't. You loved Jughead too much, it was almost impossible for you to let go of him. You couldn't give up — he was your long time crush, probably since middle school. Everything about him made you love him even more, and even when there wasn't a day he didn't gawk at Betty, you still believe that there's a chance for you.

You were blinded by your love for him. Everyone could tell and they had to witness every time how you destroy yourself by trying to get Jughead to notice you. It was killing them, but they knew it killed you more than it did to them.

“(Y/n), don't you not remember the day he turned you down to hang out with Betty?” Kevin asked.

You approached Jughead who was sitting alone on the corner of the cafeteria, hiding two movie tickets in your pocket, excitement radiating off of you. “Hey, Jug!” You greeted him cheerfully, sitting down beside him and slinging your arm around his shoulder.

“Hey, (Y/n).” He greeted you back, not even glancing up at you as he typed on his laptop about a new novel he was writing.

You brushed it off as a usual thing to happen, since Jughead often ignored people when he was writing his new novel. “So, Jug. I was thinking movie night today. How do you feel about it?” You said with joy.

However, Jughead didn't seem to be interested as he continued to type away on his laptop. “Uh, I can't. I have to finish this.” He rejected, eyes buried on the screen.

You frowned. It's been quite long since you two hang out and Jughead never rejected a offer to watch a movie. “But you can finish it anyday.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “I can't. Sorry.” Clearly, his apology wasn't genuine by the tone in his voice. Your frown deepened, but didn't say anything and just stood up to walk away from him.

Later that night, you asked Kevin to watch a movie with you instead because you didn't want to waste the ticket. It was pretty expensive, considering you wanted to impress Jughead, and the fact that you didn't get to watch it with him made you sulk slightly. Kevin was there to cheer you up, though. The two of you were going to head over at Pop's when Kevin abruptly stopped after seeing something behind the glass windows of the diner.

He caught your arm before you could go close to the diner and pointed at the two people inside. “Isn't that...?” He trailed off and your eyes went to search for what he was talking about, then saw Jughead with Betty on one of the booth, smiling at each other.

You felt your heart ache as soon as they filled your vision. “He- he told me he have to finish his novel today...”

Kevin frowned. “And he went to hang out with Betty? What the hell?”

You took a deep breath after the flashback ended, looking at Kevin slowly. “I remember it, Kev. But still...” You looked down again.

Veronica sighed, “Do you also remember when you had a family problem? And he didn't even want to listen?” A frown appeared on your lips at that.

He didn't want to listen, and he said it was because others have problems too and that he can't help you. But after that, he went on helping Betty with her problems and Veronica had to comfort you the whole night for two reasons; one because of your shitty mother and two because Jughead was being unfair. However, even after that, you went back to doing everything for him being the little love-blind person that you are. That was the exact day when Veronica realized how much you love Jughead, and how much he was wasting you.

You drink the alcohol from the plastic cup, trying hard to erase the memory from your mind.

Everything you did for Jughead was because you love him, and you were starting to wonder why he hasn’t look at you yet. Whenever he needed you, you were there. But when you needed him, he was nowhere to be seen and is hanging out with Betty. In all honesty, it’s getting exhausting — hoping endlessly for him to notice you, doing everything to help him with his problems, giving him your everything, you were willing to give him everything.

Yet here you are, still alone and broken.

He doesn’t even look at you. He’s just too focused on Betty that you were sure he doesn’t care about you anymore. The destiny was being cruel; preventing you from being with the boy you love and instead giving him someone to love, so he wouldn’t dare end up with you.

It hurts. It damn hurts. And you don’t understand why you’re still in love with him and is willing to give him everything despite knowing he wouldn’t give you back what you gave him, specially his heart. He would be giving his heart to Betty and not to you, even after all your efforts and sacrifices.

“I just want him to love me back.” You muttered quietly, watching as Betty and Jughead stared lovingly into each other’s eyes.

It was too quiet, but your three friends managed to hear it. They heard it. Your wish, your desperate wish. And there was nothing they can do but to look down, knowing whatever words they say to comfort you won’t change Jughead’s feelings for Betty.

And deep down, you knew that fact even when it felt like someone stabbed your heart with a knife repeatedly.

“You little shit!” Your mother shouts, hitting you across the face.

Your cheek stings at where she slapped you, but you barely flinched at her sudden outburst and just stood there facing the floor. “This is the only score you’ve got? 92 out of 100? What kind of shit is this!?” She yelled angrily, crumpling your test result. “I’m paying for your education, (Y/n), and this is how you repay me? By getting a half assed score when it could have been a perfect 100!?”

She was totally furious about a fucking test result. Ridiculous, really. This started happening when your father left after he couldn’t deal with your mother’s drug addict behavior. He was a southside serpent and surely he could’ve handled her, but he chose to leave instead. Without even trying to take you with him.

It’s funny how cruel this world can be to you.

“I’m sorry, I will do better next time.” You apologized, still not meeting her gaze. It is easy for you to hit her and fight back, but you didn’t because she’s your mother. You still respected her in any way.

She scoffed, “Next time? I can’t even count how many times you told me you’ll be better next time, but came back with a fucking shitty result.” She spat with distaste in her tone.

You frowned, scrunching your eyebrows together and looked up at her. “Why do you hate me so much? I’m your son.”

“You’re not my son.” She snapped, making you flinch at how harsh her words are. “You were just an accident. You understand that? A fucking accident between me and your father that we never planned to happen. The worst part is, you grew up looking like your father. That face reminds me of him and makes me wish I never had you.” The pure hatred in her face was enough to make you believe her.

You swallowed, feeling tears welling up in your eyes and looked down, trying to hide it from her.

“What, are you gonna cry?” She said mockingly. “Of course. You’re gonna cry like a little cry baby that you always were. A pathetic, weak piece of shit that I’m absolutely ashamed to call my son.” She grabbed the jingle jangle on the table and glared at you like you were the worst thing that ever happened to your life. “I never wanted you, and never will.” With that, she walked out of the house to be a drug addict that she always was.

After she was gone from the house, you broke into tears and finally let them stream down your face, falling on your knees as your face twisted in complete pain and anguish.

Everything hurt; your heart, your chest, your whole body. It’s like the emotional and mental pain shifted into physical pain even when you weren’t being abused physically. The feeling of worthlessness appearing in both your heart and mind, as well as emptiness, sadness, pain and anguish.

Your cries were the cries of help, desperately wanting someone to show up and stop your pain for the better. But life wasn’t that easy. There was no one to stop it; not even Jughead, who used to always be with you and cared for you deeply.

Now, he was gone. He don’t care about you anymore. All he cares about was Betty and Betty only.

Tears continued to run down your cheeks, soaking your shirt as you sobbed violently, unable to contain yourself. “W-why...?” The void question came out from your lips between sobs, asking the universe why they were being cruel to you.

Though, it’s not like the universe or destiny will answer you.

It feels like you were being killed from the inside, like all the pain you experienced in your life are molding together and attacking you all at once. Everything hurt, and you were exhausted mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You just want to be happy and be with the love of your life. That was enough. That is enough. But then, life doesn’t let you be happy even for once.

You stumbled towards the bathroom, feeling the urge to hurt yourself to deal with the emotional pain. Opening the cabinet, you saw few blades laying there and took it out, setting it down on the sink.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and witnessed how much of a mess you are right now. Your eyes red and puffy from crying, tears were still streaming down your cheeks that had a red mark because of your mother’s slap, the look in your face practically screaming exhaustion. Your hair was a mess from you constantly running your hands through them while you were crying in the living room.

Your gaze returned to the blazes above the sink and takes it without even hesitating, moving up the sleeves to reveal your arms that was littered with scars of different sizes. Some were small, some were big, some were deep, some were not, but they were all old scars. Self-harm scars. You brought the blade down to your left wrist, beginning to run the blade slowly, watching as it cut through your skin and causing blood to come out. A relieved sigh leaves your lips — self-harming was never been a healthy way to deal with problems, but it made you relieved every time you do it. You feel like the emotional pain was leaving your body through the cuts that you made. There wasn’t any physical pain, but you were sure it will sting when you take a shower.

By the time you were satisfied, there were many cuts covering both of your wrists. Blood oozed out from the cuts that you found satisfying. If your mother was a drug addict, then maybe you’re a self-harm addict. This was your only way of escaping the pain.

You washed the blood away with water while ignoring the stinging pain it gave you before moving back to the living room and grabbing your phone, immediately entering your room afterwards. The tears already stopped by now thankfully.

You laid on the bed and unlocked your phone, only for it to ring right after. It was Jughead and a dark feeling spreads in your chest when you read his name on your phone screen, almost like something was going to go wrong if you answered it. Nonetheless, you pressed the answer button just in case it was emergency — a decision that you will regret sooner.

“(Y/n)!” Jughead’s excited voice called from the other line, making you smile.

“Hey, Jug.” You cleared your throat to regain control of your voice as it came out hoarse. “What’s up? Why do you sound excited?” You asked curiously.

There was a chuckle of joy before he spoke, “Guess what? I asked Betty if she will be my girlfriend and she said yes!”

You froze. Mind unable to process what he said as you stared at the ceiling blankly. In that moment, you heard your heart shatter in million pieces. The pain wasn’t even an ache anymore; it was more than that. His announcement just destroyed your heart completely.

Why is this happening to me? You thought, feeling the tears well up in your eyes again. It was surprising, really. With the amount of tears you cried earlier, you didn’t know there was still tears left to cry.

“(Y/n)? You there?” Jughead’s worried voice snapped you out of your misery.

You breathe out, “Yeah... yeah, I am. Lucky for you, Jug. Congratulations.” You swallowed as you felt like suffocating. “Uh... I’m sorry, I have to go.” The call ended as soon as you said that, not giving him any time to argue or protest.

Without a second thought, you grabbed your jacket and stormed out of the house, leaving your phone behind.

Maybe you were foolish.

Maybe you were an idiot to believe he would look at you the same way he looked at Betty if you tried enough.

Maybe... you were stupid for giving your everything to him until you were left with none. That’s exactly the reason why you felt empty right now anyway.

It was totally your fault. Veronica, Archie and Kevin warned you, told you to give up, but you didn’t. It was your fault. Everything just hurts and now you were sure Betty is the only one who has Jughead’s heart. There was nothing you can do about it.

Accept it, idiot. You thought to yourself.

Standing above the bridge that divided the Southside and the Northside, you looked at the river below. It was beautiful at night, the sound of water calming you. No one was in sight, which was pretty dangerous in your situation.

I could just jump and never come back. You thought as you looked at the river and leaned on the railings.

It will be easy. You just need to jump and drown. That way, you could finally end your miserable life. This excrusiating pain will stop for the better and you will be free from your drug addict mother. Everything will be okay if you just jumped. Your friends might be sad after your death, but they will get over it quickly. Veronica has Archie, Archie has Veronica, Kevin has Joaquin, Jughead has Betty. They will be okay.

You jumped slightly to sit on the railings and turned to the river, still contemplating your life. Nothing was good in it anyway.

Your mother was a drug addict who didn’t want you in her life, who never wanted you.

Your father left you long ago.

Jughead didn’t care about you but Betty.

Your three friends? They have each other.

Nothing will change even if you jump. There will be nothing to regret. It’s just an easy task.

“What are you doing here?” A deep voice suddenly asked, causing you to jump slightly startled. He chuckled at your reaction.

You glanced at him and turned back to the river, far away look in your eyes. “Contemplating my life.”

Panic flashed in the raven haired boy's expression, “Woah, woah, woah. Get away from there.” He ushered and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you away from the railings easily before spinning you around to face him. “What the hell are you really doing?”

You looked up, annoyed that he even thought he had the right to stop you, and widened your eyes when you came across a handsome face that you’ve never seen in your neighbourhood. “Oh, uhm...” You struggled to say it out loud, pushing yourself off of him upon noticing the close distance. “I was just admiring the river.”

He raised his brows; even though you were hiding it well, he could still see that you're lying. Definitely wasn't just admiring the river. “Well, you looked like you were about to jump. Is everything good?”

You sighed, going back to lean on the railings again and he quickly went beside you. “Everything is a mess.” You answered, having a far away look once again.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked and stared at your face. It was dark, but he could still make out the shape of your face and notice how good-looking you are.

“Well, a short summary of my life — my mom and dad had sex and accidentally had me. Mom became a drug addict, dad tried to be patient for her but eventually gave up and left. He didn't want to deal with her anymore and instead left me to deal with her.” A bitter chuckle left your lips. “Growing up, mom continued to verbally abuse me because she couldn't stand the thought of dad leaving us. So, I turned to my friends. Then, I fell in love with my best friend since middle school. I was blinded by my love for him and did everything for him when I clearly knew he's in love with a girl, hoping that one day he'll love me back. And an hour ago, he called to tell me he and the love of his life are now together, so there's that.” You shrugged trying to act nonchalant.

His face dropped at your story, almost as if feeling the pain you've gone through everyday. He knew you were trying not to cry by how your shoulders trembled, your lips pursed in a thin line to keep any sound from coming out. “Let it out.” He said, his hand going over to pat your back.

You shook your head, “I- I can't. I don't- I don't want to be weak.”

His brows furrowed. Who the hell teaches their child crying means weak? “Hey, crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong. Bottling those things up will only makes things worst, so you have to let it all out to make you feel better. Cry as many times as you want, I don't care.”

Those words were enough for the tears to come out as you let out a sob, breaking down for the second time this day in front of a boy that you don't even know.

However, he don't seem to mind as he patted your back gently and shift his body closer to you to give you comfort. He didn't get too close that you'll feel unconfortable, but maintained a slight distance from you. You cried like that for a while, letting out all your pain.

“Uh, thanks.” You said after your break down finished. “Your presence comforted me a lot.”

He flashed you a smile, “No problem. The name's Sweet Pea.” He said and extended his hand.

You raised your brows, a smirk of amusement appearing on your face. “That's a strangely cute name. I'm (Y/n) (L/n).”

“Yeah, don't mention it.” He says, shaking his head and you chuckled.

“Hey, don't be embarrassed. I like your name.”

“I like your name better.” He smirked. “So, what are you going to do now?”

You sighed heavily. “Nothing. I’m just gonna try to be happy for them. And if you’re asking about my mother, I don’t know. I just don’t want to go home yet.” You said and wrapped your arms around yourself in a comforting manner.

He hummed, “You wanna come to my place? I can let you stay in.”

Your brows raised in surprise as you looked at him, expecting him to be joking. “Are you serious? You shouldn’t be asking a stranger to come to your place. And I’m a northsider.”

He rolled his eyes, “I can’t let you go home when I know you have a shitty mother even when you’re a northsider.”

A smile slowly appeared on your lips and a look of gratitude flashed on your face. “Thank you, Sweet Pea. I appreciate it.” He smirked and nodded his head, before gesturing for you to follow him and you obliged as you didn’t see any reason to reject his offer.

Sweet Pea seems like a tough guy, but he’s a kind person. You knew that the moment he stopped you from jumping that bridge knowing you’re a northsider. A lot of people in the southside didn’t like northsiders, because they’re just a bunch of jocks who judges a person without getting to know them.

Looking at the southside serpents jacket he wore, you strangely felt safer than usual. You didn’t know whether it’s because he’s with you or the fact that you’re in the southside territory. There was something about this place that you couldn’t help but feel like home more than your own house.

The two of you reached a trailer and he twisted the doorknob, already knowing his door is unlocked. “You don’t lock your door?” You asked out of the blue.

He chuckles, “I do. My friends are here.” You just nodded quietly at his response. He opened the door and you could hear his friends laughing from inside the trailer as you both entered, the laughter stopping as soon as they realized you and Sweet Pea were in.

There were two of them — a girl with a pink hair and a boy with a flannel. Curiosity appeared on their faces upon seeing your presence, though they knew you’re not from the southside after seeing the ‘RH’ on your jacket — you weren’t a Bulldog, but you had a jacket that had the Riverdale High patch.

“Was taking a walk and saw him contemplating his life. He’s gonna stay here for tonight.” Sweet Pea informed them casually, going over to the kitchen to get for something to drink.

Their eyes widened as they looked at you, before scrumbling to get up. “You, uh... you okay?” The boy wearing a flannel asked.

You nods, “Yeah, uhm, I’m not really right now. But I think I will be.” You smiled in reassurance.

“Wait, hold on.” The pink haired girl said as she caught the sight of your red cheek. “What happened to your face?” She asked, pointing at it. You winced when her finger touched and she quickly pulled it away.

Sweet Pea came back with a beer and a first aid kit, sitting down on the couch. He noticed the redness of your cheek way back then and knew something probably happened that you didn’t tell him.

“C’mon, Sweets will treat it.” Fangs said, grabbing your wrist in the process and you hissed in pain as his hand gripped where you self-harmed earlier. He let go instantly and looked at you with wide, confused eyes.

You cleared your throat, gently holding your wrist with the other hand. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” You tried brushing it away, but Sweet Pea didn’t let it slip.

He walked towards you and gently grabbed your hand as he looked at you silently asking for permission. You don’t want him to see your scars, but for some reason, you didn’t pry away his hands or shoved him away. You just looked down at the floor, unable to keep your eye contact with him. He took that as a permission to roll up your sleeve and once he did, a gasp came out form Fangs and Toni while Sweet Pea froze in shock seeing the many scars littered on your wrist.

“(Y/n), what the fuck?” He muttered in devastation.

He can’t imagine what you’ve gone through that you got to the point to harming yourself. The scars were new, but there were some that seemed old that made him realize you’ve been suffering for long until now. The fact that no one didn’t even try to help you or notice the state you were in broke his heart. However, he knew you were more broken than he could ever be, so he didn’t dare ask why you did it.

He just pulled you towards the couch as Fangs and Toni guided you by placing one of their hands on your back. You sat on the couch, letting Sweet Pea start with his mission to treat your swollen cheek and the many lines of scars on your wrist.

They don’t know you, nor the life you had in the northside, but they didn’t have to hear your entire life story to know it was an awful one. If it wasn’t awful, you wouldn’t have any self-harm scars or wouldn’t even try to jump from a bridge.

“You don’t really have to do this, Sweet Pea.” You said after a while of silence.

“He has to.” Toni spoke for him as he dabbed the cotton pads on the alcohol.

“Yeah, you might get infection if your wrist isn’t bondaged.” Fangs chimed in.

You shrugged, “I don’t really think so. If I showed up to school with a bondage around my wrist, my friends will think something bad happened.”

Sweet Pea gave you a look, “Might I remind you that something bad was about to happen earlier if I didn’t stop you.” He deadpanned, making you wince. “If you think you don’t deserve being helped, then just think I’m doing this for me.”

“No, seriously — why are you helping a northsider? I thought you guys hated us?” You asked, looking up at Sweet Pea then at Toni and Fangs. Though, a hiss of pain immediately escaped your lips after Sweet Pea proceeded to clean your scars with the cutton pads drenched in alcohol.

Their expression softened. “Well, you obviously need help and we aren’t that heartless to not help anyone who’s in need of.” Toni replied softly.

Your heart warmed up at her words. At least they care about you despite only knowing you few seconds ago. It was still new to you though; you were never cared for, your mother always did drugs, you had your friends but they didn’t care about you as much as you wanted them to, Jughead has forgotten about you ever since he started to hang out with Betty. So everything that’s happening right now was pretty much a new experience. Why Sweet Pea cares was a complete mystery to you. You’re close to strangers after all — you don’t know a single thing about him and he don’t know a single thing about you.

Sweet Pea glanced at you from the scars on your wrist, seeing you deep in thought. He returned his gaze to your wrist as he ask, “What you got in your mind?”

Your eyes glanced at him for a split second. “Just wondering how can you care for me this much. I mean, we’re strangers and there’s nothing much about me that is worth caring for.”

He snapped his gaze to you. It was barely above a whisper, but he heard it clearly. “Why do you even think you’re not worth caring for?” He asked, stopping his movement and meeting your eyes, searching for an answer.

You looked away from him, free hand going down to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. “That’s what my mom think about me.” You muttered.

The three serpents felt their heart shatter. How a parent could be so cruel to teach their child they’re not worth caring for? They could see the way how her words affected you; you think everyone thinks of you that way just because your mother does. And they were certain that your mother taught you so many wrong things, digged so many false and cruel words in your mind that her words are the only things you can believe.

Sweet Pea gripped your hand while Toni and Fangs scooted closer to you, their faces contorted in anger at your mother for being so cruel to you.

“(Y/n), don’t ever believe what your mother says about you. Whatever she says, you’re worth caring for. Everyone is.” Sweet Pea said firmly, gripping your hands and making you look at him. “It doesn’t matter what she says. You shouldn’t believe everything she tells you just because she’s your mother. You understand me? You’re worth caring for.”

You stared into his eyes and nodded, “Maybe... Maybe if I didn’t have a mother like her, I would’ve been happy. Or if I still had my father.”

Curiosity shines in Fangs’s eyes as he tilted his head slightly to look at you. “Do you remember your father’s name? Don’t you wanna know if he’s still alive?” He pushed over.

“Fangs.” Sweet Pea warned, eyes glaring at him.

“What? He could take him back, so his shitty mom couldn’t touch him ever again.” Fangs proves his point and the raven haired boy sighed at his friend, proceeding to treat your scars.

“I still remember his name and face, but I doubt he’ll take me back in.” You shrugged, pursing your lips into a thin line. And then, a realization hit you that you’re in the southside and that the people around you are members of the southside serpents your father was in.

“Well, what’s his name?” Toni asked.

“(F/n) (L/n).”

“What?”

“My father is (F/n) (L/n).” You repeated, looking up at them now.

Sweet Pea abruptly stopped his movement and looked at you with wide eyes as so did Toni and Fangs.

“(Y/n)...” Sweet Pea calls your name after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Your dad is our Serpent King.”

© prettymadness — all rights reserved. do not repost or translate without my permission. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[richietoaster]

Review/Reaction of IT Chapter Two

Let’s just start right off the bat and let me just say that Bill Hader better get a fucking award for his performance.

Alright. Here we go y’all. im trying to stay in order with what happened but so much happened in the movie that my brain is just all over the place so excuse me while i try to form words

UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS

• first opening scene is a fucking LOT okay like i sobbed my eyes out and it was just not cool. adrian and his boyfriend? CUTE AF. Him getting brutally beat up and then killed by Pennywise while Don just watches? NOT CUTE AF

• Mike is a precious boy and I love him so. He cares about his friends so much holy shit. they all get mad at him for lying to them tho.But he only did it to protect them. Mike knew some SHIT(tm) our boy is so smart?? I’m glad they kept to his original storyline

• Older Bill gave himself so much shit this film and i just felt so bad. like we know it isnt ur fault okay?? We know you loved your brother, stop putting yourself down. also?? him becoming protective over dean? please stop my aching heart. 

• Jessica Chastain owns my whole heart and she can kick my ass anyday. She plays Bev so well and captures young bev’s personality so well. her scene with mrs kersh was very weird. i knew the second she ran naked in the hall i’d be seeing some weird fucking shit okay 

• Jay Ryan could kick me and I would personally thank him like?? wow what a man. He immediately recognizes bev when he first sees her and im just?? im happy. so many hidden new kids on the block reference and it had me fucking rolling in my grave

• JAMES FUCKING RANSONE MY DUDE OH LORD okay listen. he gives off young eddie’s panic and chaotic energy so perfectly i felt like i was watching him as an adult, who just never grew up. I think thats what he was going for honestly. He played eddie SO FUCKING WELL 

• I’m so sad about stan. THats all you need to know okay. I’ll talk about his letter later on in this. Stan deserved better. that’s all. 

• if you are not a fan of vomit you’re not gonna enjoy richie tozier. literally any time something bad happens hes just like ah shit here we go again *vomits* and honestly? that made me laugh. like hes just like oh shit something is happening let.. let me just.. no no its fine guys ill catch up.. EHBWFIJHDFSIJ no okay but bill hader stole the fucking show. his acting was phenomenal and,, again,, i’ll add more onto that later. 

• richie scares the shit out of dean. because he thinks hes pennywise. but can you blame him? the kid just. stared at him all creepy and shit. but its so funny. the losers make fun of him bc he doesnt know his own lines from his acts and richies just like “I dont write my own material” and eddies just like “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT” dead. goodbye.

• Young losers were still my favorite part honestly. Eddie kept bouncing that stupid ball in stan’s face in the clubhouse and i was waiting for him to get punched in the face tbh. That didn’t even seem like eddie, that was Jack’s energy bursting through the seams lmfao

• young eddie runs into a fucking box and shrieks and if that isn’t me idk ewhdfiajksjdoi 

• THE FUCKING. HAMMOCK. SCENE. okay listen to me. thats gay. hammocks are now gay. gays only. gay interacts only. the bickering between reddie had me in TEARS. eddie kept kicking at his face and just?? casually??? lays on him when richie wont move?? 

• stan’s fucking shower cap ehfdiujasdiosa and then richie being like “nobodys afraid of spiders stanley okay” and eddie slowly removes his because he cares what richie thinks more than spiders ok

• a flashback from after they defeated IT in the first move with reddie “eddie youve been gone for 24 hours your face is most likely on a milk carton by now” “shut up richie” 

• yong Richie has me weak af this whole movie, like always. just getting on Eddie’s case. HE PINES SO HARD OH Y GOD Like wow my sweet boy is so fucking in love ouch. which?? BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT??

• THE ARCADE SCENE?? he checks out the kid standing next to him and tries to get him to hang out more and then the other kid tells him to stop being weird because he’s not gay, too, and then uses the F slur. richie was just so hurt. paul bunyun scene happens after that and hes just like “I just shit my pants” and i cried. 

• pennywise screaming “lets play truth or dare, you wouldnt pick truth! you dont want them to know your secret” gave off the same energy as eddie’s leper blowjob scene from the book. same energy. do with that as you will. 

• they had some flashbacks that included pennywise and im not sure if this was before or after they had defeated IT in the first movie but i interpreted it as after and if thats the case... hes supposed to be dead. but now thinking back on it, it was probably just more scenes before they put pennywise to rest for 27 years. 

• young richie went to the kissing bridge after that and we ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE. fucking.. r + e :((( although we don’t see him carving the E. but reddie is canon so suck toes antis

• stephen king pretty much being like “I know u and ur endings really do suck” to bill when he comes to buy his bike was so fucking funny. it almost felt like a self insert lmfao. ALSO HIM MAKING BILL PAY 300 BUCKS FOR THE BIKE BC HE KNEW HE COULD AFFORD IT? iconic. 

• richie and eddie opening the door to the dog had me laughing. pennywise was just mocking them at that point. they’d be such good dog dads and now im sad

• i was really confused because they added part of stan’s bar mitzvah?? like it wasn’t even the same from the first movie. like they should’ve just put the deleted scene in from ch. 1 and then added that part. thats one of my very few complaints. im slowly hiding them in here. 

• henry bowers was kinda irrelevant in this honestly but thank you eddie for stabbing him and richie for killing him for trying to kill mike yall heroes 

• BEVS BLOOD SCENE ?? CORRESPONDING WITH BENS BURIED ALIVE SCENE? poetic cinema. 10/10

• the big fight really disappointed me in all honesty. but i think thats because andy said he cut so much from there. i expect it to be better with the director’s cut

• eddie saving richie and then immediately being stabbed by pennywise’s claw? IM DEPRESSED.

• “Rich! rich, i did it! i think i killed him!” Our boy was so happy with himself :( 

• eddie’s last words WERE NOT “i fucked your mom”. he was talking to richie and you can hear them talking while the rest are preparing to end pennywise. so im hoping we get that as a deleted scene. 

• richie goes back to help finish pennywise but when he goes to check on eddie.. he’s dead. ://// and bev is like “richie, come on, honey.. im sorry” and richie does not want to believe him. he grabs and hugs eddie so tight i swear i could feel that hug from the audience. 

• another thing im disappointed in and am sliding in is some of the animations? Like. fucking weird. but okay. luckily i didn’t care too much.  

• THE SOB that richie lets out when he holds eddie really hurt my fucking soul jesus christ just kill me

• the losers try cheering him up after and like. thats their friend too but you can just totally tell he’s crying in a different type of grief. THAT WAS HIS FIRST FUCKING LOVE. 

• they all remember after and thats really important to me okay

• stan writes letters and its spoken outloud while the other losers get little montages of what theyre doing with their life after the battle. Richie goes back to the kissing bridge and recarves- YES RECARVES AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE E BEFORE HE DOES- he recarves the E and while doing it, stan’s voice says “be proud of who you are” and im fucking cry ibg okay

• in the end, i give this movie a 7/10 rating. although some of the animations were weird and some of the flashbacks had pennywise in it (like hes supposed to be currently dead but ok... maybe nightmares??) the actors were PHENOMENAL and the chemistry between older richie and older eddie made me so happy. my ship is canon. but im still sad about stan and eddies death. 

• ignoring canon in 3.. 2.. 1.. now 

[jane-the-zombie]

Turn Around, Flashlight Eyes || Felix & Jane

TIMING: When Jane was still on desk duty PARTIES: @streetharmacist and @jane-the-zombie SUMMARY:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcOxhH8N3Bo CONTENT: Self Harm TW, Car Accident TW

Jane was tired, she was cranky, and she was still really sore from going up against both versions of her fucking mime doppleganger. Worst of all? She was bored. Stuck doing paperwork at work all day and she wanted to scream. At least the bruising and swelling from her broken nose was going down. The last thing she needed was for her neighbor to be dead in his apartment, but Marley had been right. She should check on him. Except, her poor neighbor was forgotten because she heard something in the alleyway next to the apartment. Jane almost turned around and bolted back up the stairs to go to bed. She was not going out there to see what it was, least some goddamn fucking mime asshole was waiting for her. But Jane knew that she was going out there, and swore under her breath as she stomped out the door and around the corner and squinted into the darkness. Felix. There he was, looking as ragged as she did. She would worry about that later. The noise that came out of her - enraged, disbelief, and something she couldn’t quite identify - was inhuman, because she couldn’t believe he would do this again. Outside of her apartment. “Felix Doyle!” Jane raised her voice, hands on her hips. Damn it, she didn’t have handcuffs on her. Or her gun or badge. Damn it. How dare he deal drugs out here again! “I cannot believe you! Both of you, up against the wall. Come on, I don’t have all night.”

The fae had been properly shook, rattled, and rolled. Whatever the alley mime creature had pulled on him, Felix didn’t know. But in a word, he did not enjoy it. There was hardly any thought put into his suit when he left the apartment, the fabric slightly rumpled from when he had woefully rolled himself off the couch. He could either lament what had happened or he could make money. Money, as it turned out, was a wonderful aid against the grey. Whether he was in the alley outside of Jane’s apartment out of some estranged creature comfort or what, he didn’t know, but he knew he was guaranteed a solid deal out of it all. It wasn’t a clammy college kid that stood across from him. It was a grown man with grown man problems that a little powder could help with. Something simple, that was all it needed to be. He could do with simple for the time being. The man had said something funny or maybe he hadn’t. Still, the fae laughed and grinned. A little slower and a little subdued. He heard her before he saw her and when he turned, profile lit by the streetlight, he smiled a little wider. “Jane! How the heck are ya? I believe in you, you know.”

His smile lessened some as the man beside him went stockstill.

“Is that a cop? Is this some kinda sting operation? You in on this?”

When he pointed at Felix, words flying out, it was with a knife. The fae’s face went neutral.

“Well that’s rude.”

Oh, great. Felix believed in her. Jane was not in the mood for Felix’s energetic, evasive mood right now. Her nose hurt, she was sore, and she suddenly knew that Felix was going to talk both her ears off twice before just sinking backward into the shadows. With a jolt, though, Jane realized that the punk wasn’t a college kid, but a grown man. And he had just pulled a knife on Felix. Hell. That was her fault, not thinking situations through before barging into them. That’s why she ended up here after all. Still, she felt her heartbeat picked up, the familiar rush of energy that she craved… “Hey!” Jane said, holding her hands up. Was she close enough to tackle the man? No. She would likely end up with stitches or Felix would get hurt. Jane couldn’t let that happen. Not to Felix, even if he was out here, talking her damn ears off, dealing some goddamn drugs outside of her apartment again. She wouldn’t let a friend get hurt. Well that’s rude. Was that all Felix had to say to some pulling out a knife?!

“Hey now, put the knife away. There’s no need for any of that.” Jane warned, freezing where she stood. “Come on now.”

“You set me up!” The man accused Felix. She decidedly did not like how he was pointing that knife. Jane automatically reached for where her gun was supposed to be. Damn it. It was upstairs laying on her kitchen counter.

“Hey!” Jane barked. “Don’t look at him, look at me. He didn’t do anything to you.” Except encourage your drug habit, maybe. “You should be waving that thing at me.”

Well, Jane certainly looked like she had been in a tussle. Given the knife Felix had pointed at him, he couldn’t exactly ask about it. Trying to hold two conversations was trying enough as it was! He could later though, as he was absolutely certain there would be a later for him. They looked to be in quite the pickle, he thought. Slowly, he turned to face the man, the corners of his mouth slightly lifted. It shouldn’t have been remotely calming to have a knife pulled on him, but hey, some things get familiar over a few decades. Felix kept his palms open as he slightly lifted his hands. The man’s attention was between him and Jane. As keen as he was on not getting stabbed, he didn’t exactly want Jane to get it either.

“Hang on, pal,” he started, voice easy as the breeze. “You’re assuming that I got the energy to do something like that and heck, assuming you’re worth it to. You know what they say about that whole thing...”

The knife edged a little closer as the man took a step, eyes wide open and panic in the black pupils. Felix smiled a little more, teeth showing as skin pulled back. It was electric, the spark that went up his fingertips and danced up his neck. There was another option of who the guy could wave it at, but that was a matter of chance. Madness had no schedule. The fae gripped his glasses and slid them down, hazel giving way to a flood of white. All the better to see the fucker with. Horned shadows spread across the alley, cut holes into the light. Gone in sixty seconds.

The man began to breathe heavy, his chest heaving with the force of it. If he kept going like this, his ribs might shatter. The knife trembled in his hand and Felix took a step back, closer to Jane. Shadows gone, glamour settled. That spark lit him up, his nerves surging and serotonin pumping. He still had it. However deep the mime creature had looked into him, it wasn’t rock bottom. He still had it, rumpled as he was. The knife fell as the man turned to the wall, placed his hands against the stone. Like Jane had said. Crack. Skull hit stone.

Things spiraled out of control quickly. If Jane could just get him away from Felix then everything would be fine. Jane considered goading the man, slowly inching closer. She could throw herself between Felix and the knife, but that still posed risks. Jane swore under her breath as Felix started talking again. No, Felix. Don’t keep talking to the guy with the knife. That was a bad freaking idea. The gravel under her tennis shoes crunched as she slid closer, weighing options.

Jane had just decided to lunge at the man when Felix did whatever it was that he did. She didn’t mind needing a few more stitches, and she wasn’t completely sure that Felix was knife-proof. Better her than him anyday. The blinding light filled the alleyway, Jane automatically using her hand to shield her face - Wait. Was that coming from Felix’s eyes? Jane’s hand fell back to her side as she squinted. Horrible shadows filled the alleyway. It lasted a long time. Too long. Seconds were minutes as she stared in a sort of mortified fascination before it was gone. It was gone and everything was back to normal. Jane reoriented herself. Well, shadow zombies couldn’t do that, now could they?

The man was disturbed. Jane snapped back to reality as Felix backed closer to her. “What the hell was -” Jane’s words were cut off by the horrible crack. Her eyes snapped away from Felix. The man’s skull hit the stone again, and she could see dark wet marks left behind. “Crap. Felix, stay there. Call...  someone.” Jane moved instinctively, hoping Felix would listen. The cracking became wet thuds as Jane restrained him. “Hey! Hey! Enough!” She jerked him away from the wall forcefully. “That’s enough, come on now -” The man fought against her grip. Crap. They struggled hard for a moment, Jane fighting for control as he started to scream. He was larger and stronger than her, and Jane still wasn’t up to be in another fight. His elbow sunk into her stomach and she stumbled back with a pained groan. That wouldn’t stop her easily. Jane just barely took a step forward, before the man took off running.

It was like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. The sound of a car turning onto her road and speeding down the street along with the bloodied, disoriented man running and yelling. There was a loud thwack, with a screeching stop as the man’s body was thrown from impact. Jane froze, eyes wide. She turned to look at Felix. “What?”

The fae watched on as the slightest order to the alley quickly unraveled itself. His teeth felt sharp in his mouth, his head felt lighter. Even with his shirt rumpled and his tie askew, Felix felt like a million bucks. Maybe even more. The man quickly devolving into a state of disrepair became the tree he fixated himself on and the rest of it could burn because he didn’t care to look at it. Could he explain it to Jane? That sensation of hopelessness being run clean through to make way for triumph. That creature in the alley had reduced him to something he had not been for so long. It inspired a hatred, a spite in him, that could melt the strongest metals. Maybe even iron itself. He breathed in deep through his nose before he looked at her, brows raised behind his glasses.

She was trying to help the man. Right, that was her job as one of those law enforcement types. He was content to let the man crack his skull open and piece the secrets out one by one. There wasn’t any attempt made to call anyone as he stepped forward, hands half inside his pockets. Faint worry lines creased his forehead as she stepped in and the man rounded on her. That wasn’t what he wanted to happen. Her name left his mouth quickly as the man struck before tearing off down the alley. Felix was nearly inspired to follow. To see where exactly the man’s line of thought led. It wasn’t far. The man’s body rolled out of sight of the alleyway’s mouth in a trail of glass and blood. The fae turned his head to look at Jane, expression nearly as surprised if not a smidge more muted.

“Well, what a one-hit wonder he seemed to be, huh?”

Jane ached all over again. The bruises and the soreness from the knife fight she got in earlier in the week weren’t helped in the struggle with the now very dead man. People in the car were getting out, screaming at the body, calling the police. Shit. She was the police. The confusion sank further in her as Jane winced at Felix’s words. “That’s not funny,” she said. She heard the 9-1-1 call as some hysterical woman and her partner went to see if the man was conscious or had a pulse. Doubtful. She couldn’t bring herself to go look. She looked over at Felix again, running a hand through her hair. How the hell was she going to explain this when the police showed up? What exactly had Felix done, other than blind someone with that weird light?

And it wasn’t like she could tell anyone that. Sarge and the Captain seemed to have their heads up their asses about shit like this, and she didn’t exactly understand what the hell Felix had done to the man. Or if Felix had caused this at all. Certainly not the car accident. Jane made the decision quickly. She turned to Felix. “Inside.” Jane hissed quietly, pointing towards the door in the back of her apartment. “Now. Before they notice us.” Jane hurried too the door, quickly typing in her code, and it swung open. She held it open for him. “I want an explanation, come on now.”

Jane didn’t find the joke funny. Alright, Felix supposed that was fair, and he acquiesced with a nod. A strange pair they made, him completely unbothered and her more than a little bothered. Any humor he felt at the situation slowly slipped away as he turned away from the scene. And what a scene it had become. He hadn’t planned for that, but realistically, he could only plan for so much. When she looked at him and made her demands, he quietly agreed that it was for the best. It wouldn’t be in either of their interest to act as witnesses.

“You got it!”

He followed behind her as she led him to the apartment and as he crossed the threshold of her apartment door, he huffed out a breath. Hands went to his hips as he glanced around the place.

“Say, speaking of explanations, what happened to you? Looks like you got into a scuffle or something there, Jane.”

Jane hurried up the stairs and into her apartment, letting him in. She couldn’t believe that Felix was actually in her apartment. Usually she was out there, chasing him around in the world. At least she had cleaned earlier. Marley’s blood had almost stained the floors and it had taken her forever to try and get it out. She looked at him for a long moment. Scuffle was putting it kindly, and she rubbed the side of her broken ass nose with a grumble. God, was Felix really here? Did she really think this was a good idea?

Jane held up a hand, signaling one moment, before she kicked off her tennis shoes, and went to the kitchen. There, she pulled out a rather large bottle of whiskey and a glass. She paused. And then pulled out another glass.

“I got attacked in the woods by a mime with a knife,” Jane said, flatly, filling both glasses with whiskey. She turned to him. “And it broke my nose and I have 22 stitches.” She patted her thigh, wincing, and rolled up her sleeves to show the bandage on her arm. “It looked exactly like me. After I killed it and it disappeared in striped smoke. Then, later, came back as a zombie, attacked me and my date, and I shot it’s head off. And it disappeared into more striped smoke.”

She held a glass of whiskey out to him.

“Your turn.”

The fae turned his cufflinks idly as he stood near the door. He followed her example and carefully pulled off his own shoes. Wow. Felix never thought he would ever be in Jane’s apartment. It looked...normal. Not at all like how he might have imagined a cop’s apartment. Not that he often considered it much to begin with. Did she imagine his apartment to be full of the world’s assortment of drug paraphernalia? The thought prompted a laugh to pass through him. What an odd day they were having. He wasn’t opposed to the odd or unusual. Better one type of odd over the other and that was how he chose to classify the time spent in Mime Nightmare Alley. At the mention of mimes, he strode over to where she offered the glass of whiskey. He held it between both hands as he turned it, thumbnail quiet as it followed along a groove.

“Jeepers, that sounds like quite the endeavor you went through,” he said with a tilted head. “I encountered one myself not too long ago. It didn’t look like me, but it was a mime still! Guess that’s one way to spend a date, huh? You can’t say it wasn’t memorable.”

He smiled around the rim of his whiskey glass as he took a drink.

“Right, that whole thing,” he said as he lowered it. He had already told her what he was and she had promised to not tell anyone. “Well, like I told you, not a shadow zombie. My kind, we got this eye thing, and when we want, we can flip on these floodlights and if people look right at ‘em...They take a little dip in a pool of madness for a bit, is all.” As if that were as casual as rainwater on a drizzly day. “They lose it for a little. What happens though? I don’t really got control over that part.”

God. Felix had run into a mime too? “I hate this town.” Jane took a moment to finish the contents of her glass in one go, before pouring herself another.  It was a get drunk kind of night, especially as she glanced to the window and saw the familiar red and blue siren lights. God. She couldn’t believe this. She truly couldn’t believe this. She wondered if Felix would let her into his apartment willingly. Probably not without a warrant. Jane almost laughed out loud at the thought, leaning against the counter.

“Definitely some sort of date,” Jane muttered, wincing slightly as she remembered her zombie form breaking Marley’s arm. She shook her head, focusing on what exactly Felix was telling her. He was a Lamp-pan-something. Lampinade. Lanped? Lamede. Something like that. Not a shadow zombie. Or, well, a fae, as he said. Not a fairy. She tried to wrap her head around it.

“Madness?” She asked cautiously. That sounded extremely dangerous. It was extremely dangerous. She saw its effect on that man. But that man had drawn a knife on Felix. Who was she to say that he could use is Lampinade-something powers on him in self defense. He hadn’t known that he would do that. The law was meant for humans, and wasn’t adapted for the supernatural. She was slowly realizing that… That didn’t mean Felix would get off scot free running drugs, though.  Jane was curious now, as she was about dangerous things. Jane looked at at him, peering at his glasses, as if she was going to suddenly see a bright light. She pointed to them, suddenly. “Is that why you wear those? If you take them off, will the light come back?

“Kinda makes you wish you knew about all the mime nonsense before, huh?” Felix remarked as he rubbed at his jaw with one hand. “But I guess I can see why it’s the kinda thing they might wanna keep hush-hush. Can’t really imagine too many people clamoring to get in if the mimes are the welcoming committee.” A mime had stolen some of his finest weed. Of course he was bitter and would remain as such long before the mime bodies fell to the weeds. He found himself a place to comfortably sit, one ankle crossed over the other. In Jane’s apartment and seated without a care! Well, one care, maybe.

“It looked like he got a decent hit in there, Jane. How ya feeling?”

He expected her questions and hummed over them as he turned his glass. Madness was such a vague concept. Nebulous. Entirely unique when someone was taken by it. Some crumpled, some puffed up. It depended on so many little factors and all it took was the slightest nudge from a single look to get someone facing that abyss.

“Yes,” he said as he straightened up. “The very thing! It’s different for everyone, you know. Friends can become enemies, nothing can become something. Loneliness can suddenly become very crowded.” It was one of the ways his mothers had explained it to him the first time he accidentally sent a friend scrambling away. It didn’t bother him to share this with Jane. At the question of his glasses, he tapped gently on the rims. “Sort of, yeah. A little less likely to hit someone with the beams if I got ‘em on. That and they look nice.” He started to smile. “Don’t you think?”

“Not like I had much of a choice coming here at all.” She didn’t mean it to sound as bitter as it came out, but it was. Jane had really only told Marley that the reason she was here was because she had been forcibly transferred, and even then it hadn’t been a real explanation of what happened. It was still funny to her, though, that her and Felix ended up in the same small town.  It was equally funny to her that a drug dealer’s presence had made her feel a little less lonely once she knew he was here. Jane knew, as she sank down into her little armchair across from Felix, that she had been chasing Felix for years and now there was usually a bit of fondness in her tone whenever she started yelling at him for being… well… him.

She prodded her ribs, wincing. He had gotten her pretty good, but it could have been a lot worse. “Oh, he barely got me,” she scoffed, waving it off. “It’ll match the other bruises.” SHe was more concerned with how he described this madness that his flashlight eyes gave people. She saw the shadows in the light, and she didn’t think she had been affected by it. How exactly did it work? She wondered if he would do it to her if she asked. After all, if she banged her head against the wall, that wouldn’t be his fault, it would be her own. The idea already had her perking up, but she didn’t think it was a conversation for now.

“You said it only lasts for a bit? So everything returns to normal after a while? How long is a while? And you can turn them off and on?” Curiously, Jane craned her head, as if trying to see around his glasses, like the light was just going to come back into her apartment.

“They do,” Jane smiled at little, despite herself, “A staple of your wardrobe. I don’t think I could complain about that.”

“This place really is something of a far cry from Portland though. Place gets a lotta action. But no choice? How do you mean? You did say stubborn fate was a way to put it...” Felix nodded, tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek. Fate was a matter of little thought to him. He didn’t like to bind himself to one such destiny. But it brought him some comfort, some off brand sense of familiarity, that he and Jane had met once again. Just with a little less dress-burning and a little more danger, he thought with a laugh. He didn’t see a thing wrong with it. “See, I listen to you when you tell me things. Just maybe not when it’s hey, that’s illegal or are those drugs in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.”

He laughed. His thoughts and feelings had already distanced from the fact a man had been laid out, likely put down, by an oncoming vehicle. It was bound to happen one day. Given that the human had decided to pull a knife on him and his friend, what better day! Jane Wu. His friend. Huh. With the way she winced, he briefly wondered if he should offer to her what he had for sale. As fun as that would be, maybe not the best decision.

“Yup, it sure does. Really depends on how long we stand there ogling each other’s eyes,” he explained. A glance could last an hour but with intent, it could go on for quite awhile. She seemed...interested in what he had to say. That was kinda nice. “It’s the difference between looking at someone and really looking at someone, focusing on ‘em. Like a lightbulb! Clicking it on to the highest point it can go.” He snapped his fingers quietly as he said it and grinned. Jane had already promised him that she wouldn’t mention what he was to anyone and that kept his tongue flowing freely.

“Was that a compliment? Geez, he must’ve got you good.”

Felix seemed a little curious as to how she ended up here, even if he didn’t quite understand why she was so disgruntled at being here at all. She wouldn’t get into it, not really, and definitely not with Felix. What was she supposed to do? Admit that she, a police detective, had done something wrong? It seemed silly to admit tht she was a little ashamed - she was ashamed? Is that what that felt like? “Why don’t we just leave it to Fate, Felix?” Jane said, suddenly uncomfortable, but she let out a low laugh. She definitely had, once or twice or three times, had said are those drugs in your pocket or are you just happy to see me. “I hope you’re not saying that you just have drugs in your pocket and you aren’t happy to see me.”

Of course, him admitting her had drugs on his pocket would result in breaking out the handcuffs a little too early in the night. From his own rumpled suit, she was fairly certain that neither of them had enough energy to be chasing or running. That was fine, she could call a truce with a friend for the night. Felix Doyle… Her friend. Shit. Jane let out a low sigh, and settled back into her chair.

Jane had more questions. She was interested in how it all worked - what did Felix see when he looked into the other person’s eyes, and what other effects did it have? Did he do it often? Did he have to do it? But Jane was fairly certain he wouldn’t appreciate being grilled, especially after he had just saved both their lives. Jane grinned back as he snapped his fingers. “Sounds like you have your own personal high beams.” She smirked slightly.

“You know, now that you mention it, he probably did get me pretty good. I don’t know what I’m saying.” She poked her ribs, wincing, mostly for dramatic effect before she leaned forward, swiping the remote off her coffee table and throwing her feet up. “They’re going to be out there a while,” Jane said, nodding towards the blue and red lights flashing through her window. “And I’m still technically on desk duty, so they won’t be calling me out there any time soon. So you’re stuck with me, unless you do your strange shadow zombie thing.”

Jane settled, flicking the television on, before turning her head to smile at Felix. “I told you we were going to end up watching Desperate Housewives together.”

[st-str-strangerthingsfic]

Chapter 4: September 1.75, 1985 6th Period, Gym

Chapter Selection: [Chapter 1]--[Chapter 2]--[Chapter 3]--[Chapter 4]--[Chapter5]--[Chapter 6]--[Chapter 7]--[Chapter 8]

Fifth period was spent twirling back and forth on metal stools. Dustin and Lucas kicked each other as they whipped back and forth. Mike leaned on his elbow across the wooden art table, peering around El at the front of the room where their art teacher Mrs. Dooley was holding a piece of pottery and explaining their first project. Mike distractedly touched El’s back with his index finger, tracing circles in the middle of her spine. El swung her feet delightedly from atop her stool and glanced happily at Will who was beaming and bouncing his foot on the highest rung of the stool. Max chewed a piece of gum and absent-mindedly wrapped a finger around her fire red hair.

Mrs. Dooley slapped a piece of damp clay in front of each of them and told them to get to work. Dustin proceeded to smack his fist as hard as he could into the top of the clay producing a loud THWAP.

“Mr. Henderson, please refrain from punching your clay. We don’t want a repeat of last semester do we?” Mrs. Dooley asked, eyes narrowed. At this, Lucas proceeded to stab the flattened mound of clay that was Dustin’s potential masterpiece.

After art, the gang nearly tumbled out of the door, excitement building as the end of the day felt near. Max once again took El’s arm into hers and pulled her down an opposite hall towards the gymnasium. El waved a contented goodbye to the party, feeling more comfortable this time at being separated. Dustin had showed her that biology on their own was fun, why wouldn’t gym?

Max and El discussed and laughed about a comic Max had recently lent El called Vampirella. By far, it was the most ridiculously dressed superheroine they had unearthed thus far from the comic shop. Max led El into the girl’s locker room where they stowed their bags. Their gym teacher rounded the corner with a clipboard and started distributing their gym uniforms: “Keep these clean, I swear to god if I get one more girl coming to me complaining about ‘feminine B.O.’ I’m going to rip my nose off.”

El’s eyes went wide and Max stifled a laugh behind wide eyes. While they changed, El noticed the same group of girls from the lunch room. She sucked in a quick breath and adverted her eyes quickly before they noticed her.

“You ready?” Max’s hands were on her hips, gym shirt untucked and loose. El nodded, tucking in her gym shirt. As they passed the group of girls from the lunch room, El heard one of them whisper something. She couldn’t help glancing over when she thought she heard her name. She made eye contact with the same blonde who gave her an even worse glare than before. El snapped her head forward and walked into the wide open gym with Max.

They started the class by running circuit sprints across the gym floor, tagging off each time with a partner. El enjoyed the movement and she and Max made a good team. After sprints the p.e. teacher broke them up into two teams and, with the help of some of the other students, erected a net across the gym floor. After the rules were explained and positions were assigned, everyone shuffled into place. A bright white volleyball was handed to a taller brown haired boy on El’s side of the net. He pitched it up and smacked it with the palm of his hand to the other side of the net dramatically. El watched it sail over her head to the other side where the other team began shifting nervously to receive it. It fell past a small girl’s V’ed arms and bounced across the floor. A titter of laughter swept through the gym.

“Alright, alright, try again!” yelled the coach. After a half hour of playing, they actually weren’t doing too bad. Most of the kids were able to hit the ball and launch it over the net with success. El even made contact with the ball at one point and was able to lightly spike it down over the net like the coach had instructed. It came down with minimal force but with enough speed to startle the blonde haired glaring girl. “Sorry!” El chirped genuinely.

“Whatever.” She nearly spat, embarrassed as laughter rang up from around the gym. Her face turned bright red and she shot another death glare toward El.

When the coach had rotated them through positions, she pulled different members onto different teams. Max and El were placed on separate teams and standing directly to El’s right was the glaring girl. El gave her a sympathetic smile and to her surprise, the girl smiled back, but somehow her eyes didn’t change from their glare. El blew out a breath and hunched over ready for the next play. After a few tosses back and forth, cries from the kids to get-it-get-it-get-it, a swift spike was launched toward the glaring girl. She channeled the force of the spike and smacked the ball sideways. Before El had any time to react, the ball punched directly into the left side of her face with such force she became dizzy.

Max watched horrified as El stumbled to the gym floor from the hit and clutched the left side of her face. She didn’t cry out, but a soft and forceful “Ow!” escaped her lips as tears uncontrollably welled in her eyes.

“Alright alright alright. Take it back a step.” The gym teacher hurried over to El and helped her up. The glaring girl held a hand over her mouth to keep her laughter from ringing out across the gym, but she wasn’t necessarily trying to hide it. Max ducked under the net and rushed to El’s side:

“Oh my god?! Are you okay?” El gave a quick nod and was helped over to the bleachers.

“Ms. Hargrove, run to the nurses office and get an ice pack please,” the P.E. teacher said bending at the waist and resting her hands on the top of her knees to be eye level with El.

Max bolted before giving El the ‘stay here’ look they all had mastered over the summer.

“How yah feeling?” she asked? El touched her bright red and scraped cheek tentatively. “oooh, don’t touch it, we need to get some ice on it. The redness should go down but you might have a bit of a scrape on your face. Do you feel dizzy? Hot?” She lifted the back of her hand to El’s forehead. El shook her head and managed to say softly: “I’m fine.”

“Okay, sit the rest of this one out and keep the ice on it.” El nodded as Max busted back through the gymnasium doors holding a bag of ice wrapped around what looked like a dish towel. El held the ice pack to her cheek for the rest of the period watching with mild embarrassment as kids kept looking back at her often throughout the rest of the game. Some would laugh, others would look concerned or with narrowed eyes.

After they were released from the gymnasium, El and Max quickly changed. El dropped the ice pack on the bench in the locker room and pulled her backpack over her shoulder.

“Wait! Jane!” Max cried picking up the ice pack and chasing after her, “You need this.” When they reached the door of the locker room, El spun around and shook her head. “No.”

“Oh..okay,” Max said a little taken aback. She tossed the mostly melted ice in the trash and left the dish towel on top of the can before exiting together. El gathered what she needed from her locker and left down the hall with Max to the double doors leading out to the front of the school. The final bell rang just as the crashed through the doors. The boys wouldn’t be far behind so they walked to the bike racks to wait for them.

“Jane?” Max grabbed her shoulder, “Are you okay though? For real?”

El paused before answering her, looking off to the side where she saw the boys making their way down the stairs. With a bright, plastered on smile she looked at Max, “I’m fine! Really. Please, don’t make a big deal about this okay? It was an accident.”

“But—,” Max began, but the boys were already upon them.

“We DID IT!” Lucas cried, pretending to collapse across his bike from exhaustion. “Day one. We survived.”

“Give me a demadog anyday, am I right guys?” Dustin quipped. Mike came around the group and up to El, Max finally moving away from in front of her, a worried look etched on her face. El followed her with her eyes as she stepped off to the side before looking up at Mike.

“Hey! How was the rest of…” an audible gasp escaped his throat as his hand shot up to her cheek, “Oh my god what happened?!” He dropped his backpack off of his shoulder and brought his other hand to softly cup the unaffected cheek as well. He gently moved her head to the side to get a better look at the round pink mark on her cheek with some light, but noticeable scratches. His eyes squinted in noticeable pain when he ran a thumb over her cheek and she winced nearly imperceptibly; the spot was still a little hot and sore to the touch. When El didn’t answer right away, Mike looked over his shoulder at Max.

“WHAT happened?!” He said a little too forcefully. El brought her hands to Mike’s wrists and pulled them down off of her face.

“It was an accident. A Volleyball.” El explained, staring imploringly at Mike who shot his gaze back to meet hers when she piped up.

“A Volleyball?” he asked, his face scrunching in confusion.

“Like to the face?!” Dustin croaked. El nodded, her other cheek reddening in embarrassment. Max had crossed her arms over her chest and kicked some dirt around her feet avoiding the stares of the party members.

“Was it you?” Will asked a little uncertainly of Max. Her head snapped up and her eyes went wide.

“WHAT?! NO! OF COURSE NOT! IT WAS THIS BLONDE-HAIRED JERK FACE WHO—,” but Max was cut off.

“Who accidentally hit the ball weird and bounced into the side of my face. It’s no. big. Deal.” She stressed the word ‘deal’ and looked carefully at Mike, making sure not to let any significant emotion rise in her face so as not to alarm him further.

“Are you okay?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her cheek a little better, his hands firmly held in hers.

“Yes.”

“You promise?” he stooped a little so his eyes were level with hers.

“I promise,” she responded a little too quickly. The corner of Mike’s mouth turned down in a worried grimace, not quite believing her.

“Okay,” he surrendered. He looped an around the top of her shoulders and pulled her into his shoulder. Her hands found his back and gripped there. She was fine. A sharp honk roused them from their embrace. El pulled back quickly to look over her shoulder. Hopper was there, passenger window rolled down, waving and peering over his shades.

“Gotta go!” El breathed turning back to Mike. His face fell enough for her to laugh a little and reached up to kiss his cheek. He noticeably blushed and nodded.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” She nodded and waved to others, giving Max a longer, pleading stare before she took off, jogging, backpack bouncing and empty lunchbox in tow, to the truck.

Once she climbed in the truck, all smiles, she leaned out the window and waved to the party as they mounted their bikes. Max held onto the back of Lucas’s seat to pull her along on her skateboard. When she turned to Hopper and smiled, she could see signs of relief flooding his face for just a moment.

“So? How was it?” he asked as he put the truck into drive. Just as she opened her to mouth to begin telling him he stopped her, “Hey, woah, what happened?!”

El audibly groaned and stared out the windshield, “Ugh, nothing! It’s fine. I got hit in the head with a volleyball in P.E. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

When only silence filled the cab, she looked over. Hopper was laughing under his breath, leaning into his driver side window and trying to conceal it.

“Heeey!” she protested, “It’s not funny!”

An audible laugh erupted, shaking his torso. “It’s a little funny kid. You mean to tell me,” laughter boomed in the cab now, “That you can close a portal to another dimension, but you can’t dodge a ball to the face?!” Tears were escaping his eyes. El crossed her arms.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying this. It still hurts by the way!” She pouted.

“Okay, I’m sorry kid,” he wiped his eyes and let out a few more light laughs before clearing his throat, “How about some ice cream to celebrate your first day and gym experience?”

El’s eyes lit up and she turned to him, nodding eagerly. She’d take a ball to the head everyday if it meant getting ice cream with Hopper. He swung around the loop in town and pulled into the Norman’s ice cream parlor.

Once they exited the truck, Hopper put an arm down around her shoulders and pulled her into his side, his hand resting affectionately on top of her curly head.

“So besides, the volleyball incident, how was it?”

She looked up at him beaming: “Amazing. Really.”

[hikikomori-route]

my actual thoughts on leon kuwata from danganronpa in a shitpost

HOT. LEG. Okay hands on, okay hands on I want Leon to step on me and call me worthless (i feel that on a spiritual level) (me too) (same, don't we all tho?) (literally same) (same same same) I LOVE MY GAY BATTER CHILD at first i thought he wasn't wearing any pants (wish he wasn't, it would have been so much better if he weren't) I'd lick this person down (no joke) THAT'S A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER i want him to step on me (step on me) I would call and pap him anyday H O T L E G I wanna be between them t h i g h s, le D I C K S Leon can step on me heck there's some good material Leon is fine Okay hands on, okay hands on STEP ON ME LEON KUWATA i want leon to V O R E me I want him to step on me I want him to step on me with them Q U A L I T Y F O O T W E A R of his I want him to KICK MY TEETH OUT G O D S T E P O N M E P L E A S E boom. i'm gay. He could kill me and I would say "Thank you." I literally want him to use my face as a doormat w E L  L fuck me sideways and call me a kinky fucker because i wanna chain myself to the leg of leon's throne I want him to step on me and call me a skull fucker I want Leon to rip my eyeballs out and C R U S H M Y S K U L L Leon. Can. Step. On. Me. I want him to kick me off a cliff. I want Leon to break my bones. I want Leon to kick me please. Leon can step on me anyday and now that I think about it I want him to break my legs I want Leon to K I C K M E I N T H E L E G S (please and thank you) (that goatee though) Hello everyone, what a wonderful day to remember that I'd let Leon stab me and steal my wallet. Leon. My body is ready. I want Leon to KILL ME. I want Leon to stab me in the heart multiple times I want Leon to roundhouse KICK ME IN THE FACE I want Leon to C U T O F M Y A R M W I T H A S P O O N T H E N S H O V E M Y A R M D O W N M Y T H R O A T Leon can torture me and I'd thank him. I want Leon to dominate me and bury my boDY PLEAS E MA STE R I'm a kinky fuck Please step on my face and treat me like a bitch I shall forever be your loyal servant. you’re welcome @leon-kuwata-fan-club

[stormbine]

Deep within the underground complex hidden beneath an otherwise nondescript warehouse in Westport, nine hybrid children, seven of them adolescents, crowd around a thin, plastic, foldable table. The trideo, a rusted but still functioning LCD screen of archaic design sputters static, as Akira, a wolf-based hybrid with a missing ear, struggles to find reception.

The wolf girl struggles with the wiring and small antennae as her younger siblings, a variety of species ranging from Raccoon girls to canines, shout encouragement from the front of the room. Cindy, a bunny girl, waits patiently, sipping a mug of coffee that she prepared moments before. From behind the trideo, Akira cries out as an electrical surge enters her body, zapping her and causing her one ear and partially remaining tail to stand on edge. The room vaguely smells of burnt hair.

She stumbles from behind the trideo, defeated, and lays down in a heap on the table. The siblings surround the girl, offering words of encouragement and many headpats as the trideo continues to sputter uncontrollably.

“Bork, bork!”

From the hallway, a pile of sentient gelatin rolls toward the gathered hybrid girls, its ever soaked snout and jelly-like ears sniffing the air curiously. The shiba-ball is a biological nightmare, or oddity, or miracle, depending on who’s asking- it is a pile of sentient jelly, not unlike a jellyfish, but on land, and tenuously, genetically related to the shiba inus of its namesake. It carries an enormous bag of cooked spaghetti on its head;, freshly thawed, only awaiting sauce and meats to complete it. 

Drawn by the sadness emanating from the crowded hybrid girls, it expands, setting the spaghetti bag on the table, and nudges the nearest hybrid girl.

“Bork, bork!” It says, confused.

“Oh Shiball, Andromeda is starting soon and we can’t get the trid to work!” Cindy, the bunny girl, cries in dismay. She nods over to the sputtering monitor, lines of code and random static still filtering through the LCD screen.

“Bork! Bork bork!” The shiball replies.

“Yes, we’ve tried turning it off and on again…” Cindy replies, draining her coffee. She gets up and approaches the machine, poking at the various buttons in front of it. “Nothing we do seems to work.”

“Bork, bork!” The shiball replies again, rolling over to the machine. It expands itself to the height of the monitor and then grips onto it with it’s jelly mouth, pulling the rest of its body with it. It then merges itself with the trideo… causing it to get shocked by many thousands of volt of electricity as the wires get wet.

“NO! SHIBALL!” Cindy screams, trying to pull it off, but Akira pulls her away. The lights in the room begin to sputter and spark as the Shiball messes with the trideo, until they go off completely- only to return, the Shiball now back on the ground. It barks up at the girls happily.

“Bork! Bork, bork!” It says.

“…seriously?” Cindy says, approaching the trideo. Akira strides up closer, the the other girls following close behind as the older hybrids push some buttons.

Suddenly, the trideo comes to life, complete with corny music and a bright mix of flushed out neon colors.

_-ANDROMEDA-_, the trideo displays, the cheap lighting effects and bombastic lettering filling the entirety of the screen. 

“OOooooo….” The hybrid girls say in unison, sitting on the ground in front of the trideo. 

Cindy looks from the shiball back to Akira, who gives a shrug.

–

With the trideo newly repaired and the spaghetti prepared, the crowd of hybrids arrange themselves in front of the table or floor, small plastic plates of spaghetti topped with tomato sauce and chopped hotdogs in evidence. Corny music continues to blare out from the trideo’s old, scratchy speakers, and the image quality isn’t the greatest, but the group is nonetheless enraptured.

The titular Andromeda appears, a light brown skinned woman with “over flowing hair the color of entire galaxies” which is full of so much dye, there’s no way it isn’t a really, really heavy wig. Her eyes, “the chromatic color of a thousand rainbows,” sparkle not unlike an oil spill. Presently, she is dressed in a “slave’s apparel” that is far too skimpy to be practical, her wrists bound by “chains” which look like they were assembled with a cheap 3-D printer.

“Unhand me, you vile wretch!” Andromeda says, shrilly, struggling against the chains at some off screen villain, “You may have taken Maximilian’s place as Fourth Regent of the Starspawn Galactic Duchy, but you shall *never* take my heart!”

“Fu, fu, fu, fu, fu, is that so?” says the offscreen voice, hilariously pronouncing each individual chuckle instead of just naturally, well, chuckling, “You say that now, Andromeda, but once I expose you to my Persuasive Pulsator, you will soon find that not even you will be capable of rejecting my… expanding affection.”

“Ugh! You vile monster!” She says, looking up disdainfully. You can see just a peak of her hair’s roots, a dirty blonde, definitely not the same color as the rest of it, “Do your worst!”

“Keee keee keee keee keee, I wholly intend to,” The off screen villain says, moving into the view of the camera. They take the form of a generic black tarp draped over a four foot tall person. In one hand, they hold the “Persuasive Pulsator” which appears to be…

-

Meanwhile, sitting in front of the trideo, Cindy’s face turns pink- she covers her mouth. Akira’s jaw drops open, and she immediately covers her hands around the eyes of a small girl sitting on her lap. “S-seriously!?”

Cindy, meanwhile, manages to suppress a guffaw in another mug of coffee. “I-I mean… it makes sense-”

“全く,” Akira says, struggling to keep the grey-dressed girl in her lap from squirming out of her grip, “I thought this was supposed to be… family friendly?”

“It is! Look!” Cindy says, pointing back to the trideo…

-

As the cloaked villain comes into view, the… er, “Persuasive Pulsator” begins to pulsate… pink waves of energy. However, as Andromeda “struggles,” one of the chains appears to break off.

Both Andromeda and the cloaked figure seem equally confused and surprised, when suddenly Andromeda swings her fist at the other chains, “intentionally” breaking those, too. Then she knocks the “pulsator” out of the way, the pink energy still moving in waves in the same place where it was before. The screen effect stops a few frames too late.

“Hah! Now take this, vile villain of vicious versatility!” She punches the cloaked figure… a little too hard maybe, because the cloaked figure cries out in pain and falls to the ground, leading Andromeda to inspect her fist, which now has a noticeable red mark on the knuckles. Then the scene changes abruptly..

…to a hospital bedroom, where a man who looks oddly plastic underneath an excessive amount of bandages lays motionless. Andromeda is standing over them, weeping and monologuing.

“Oh Maximilian! If only I had known that those sauteed fungi from Gamilon Seven were secretly infused with the toxic waxfruit of the Cult of Indigo! I may have… uh… intentionally… defeated, your usurper so that you may regain your rightful place in the galaxy, but how could I rule said galaxy without my amazing man at my side?”

Suddenly, the door is kicked in. A man in a… er, “space suit” walks through the entrance, his skin tight clothing and obnoxiously large, opaque, bubble helmet obscuring most of his features save for his ridiculously overbuffed physique.

“Never fear, Andromeda! For I will gladly take your hand in marriage over this overly bandaged buffoon!” He slowly removes his helmet…

…and then the credits play.

-

Akira stares, dumbfounded, the smol girl on her lap long forgotten. The other children are still glued to the screen, while the shiball, for its part, begins to consume the left over spaghetti.

“…What. The Hell. Was that?” Akira asks, turning to Cindy. Cindy, meanwhile, is completely red in the face, her expression noticeably suspect, both of her hands off the table. She blinks and notices Akira’s expression, then suddenly puts both of her hands on the table. “W-what? I thought it was great!”

“THIS is what goes for entertainment!? That was HORRIBLE!” Akira says, perplexed.

“Yes, yes it was…” Cindy replies, smiling. She puts her chin on her wrists. “Horribly great.”

“Ugh!” Akira says, slowly getting up. The grey dressed child beneath her pulls at her shirt. 

“Onee-chan, onee-chan, what was the puls-puls-puss.. puls-ator?” She says, innocently. Akira’s face turns bright red.

“…Er, a laser sword, Clara-chan. The bad man was going to stab Andromeda.”

“Oh, I’d be stabbed by that sword anyday,” Cindy replies, her face still strongly suspect. She doesn’t have time to duck as Akira throws a plastic spork at her good ear.

-fin-

Special thanks to Nidhogg, Pyrhha-Mid, Jexams, MGRunner, and Crowwy for today’s writing practice/short scene practice. Based loosely on the Tears in the Rain RPverse/Mercury Nine.

[findingaliceinadarkplace]

Because I am a very bored insomniac/

1 - Who was the last person you texted? My big sister.

2 - When is your birthday? In the summer (not giving a date to remain anonymous). 

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? Would be nice to be with all of my siblings (both biological and unoficially adopted), my partner, my bestie and her partner. 

4 - What sports do you play? I really don’t to be honest, I do like to swim though. 

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? My besties partner (its alphabetical and hes an A). 

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? Currently really into Galway girl or Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran 

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? My partner, bestie or big sister, I think any of them could be grounded and level headed enough to get us off the island. 

8 - What do you feel right now? Rising panic about deadlines, super tired, looking forward to visiting the zoo on monday. 

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? Cadburys. 

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? A few, but only one serious.

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? A friend was on it and I wanted to see what all of the hype was about, that was about 6 years ago now and I am still at it.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? Really awful but I dont know anyone as such, I like all of the blogs that I follow but I dont pay much attention to usernames. 

13 - Where do you want to be right now? Near the sea. 

14 - What do you want to be in the future? I want to be a counsellor, 

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? Earlier today, I had a low blood suagr and was attempting and failing to open a tin of tuna, I was crying at my failure (things which arent really tings become things when you are low). 

16 - Are you happy? Not overly, I have moments of happy, but I arent at my best right now.

17 - Who do you miss? All of my siblings, bioligcal and adopted. 

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? Yes and no, I have a dark past which I am still trying to get over, and given the chance i would love to make myself more confident, more able to love life and not be such a pain in the ass, but my life and all of its shit has brought me to the people i know and love today and i cant escape that fact, and i love the people who i do love all the more vigorously because I had such a shitty start, so in some ways it has been a blessing as well as a curse. 

19 - What was the best thing you were given? My big sisters trust. 

20 - Who was the last person who called you? My besties partner. 

21 - What is your favorite dish? Fajitas. 

22 - Who is your bestfriend? I wont name her, but she is a beauty and she is wonderful and i love her to bits. 

23 - What is your biggest regret? Not speaking up about my abuse sooner than I did, and leaving my younger siblings/. 

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? Never. 

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? Partner, bestie, big sister. 

26 - Name someone pretty. My bestie. 

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? My partner. 

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? Absolutley anything, I like most things. 

29 - Are you over your past? Not even fucking close, I wish i was though/ 

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? A dickhead who I was forced into group work with, I really need to delete his number because I’d be happy never to see the bastard again in my life. 

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? Already dating and I am happy with him, he pisses me off and gets on my nerves, but also wont take too much of my shit and can keep me in check when its needed, hes a good balance.

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? Yes, I am up here writing answers to this thing because I am having trouble sleeping. 

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? My big sister.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? Jeans.

35 - How’s your heart? Hurting, broken at times and clogged up with junk food, but also kind when it wants to be. 

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? I did a very long time ago, his name was Josh. 

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? Yeah, I kind of like my partner. 

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? Fucking hit us up once in a while, we all miss having you around (seriously, I am on good terms with him). 

39 - Do you have any phobias? dark, spiders, heights, snakes, men, car horns, small spaces, being trapped, the list is pretty extensive. 

40 - Did you try to change for a person? Yes, for my parents, and everytime they werent bothered and I felt like shit so i have stopped trying now. 

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? I wrote my bestie a full notebook full of quptes which are inspiring and hopefully make her feel stronger and then gave it to her a couple of christmasses ago, it made her cry. 

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? Nope, I am happy with my current one/ 

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? Neither, I am feeling pretty neurtal.

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. Partner, bestie, siblings (bio and adopted). 

45 - Describe your dream date. A carpet picnic with all my favourite foods and fizzy pop, followed by the making of a den and watching disney films while being chilled, lots of laughing. 

46 - Describe your dream wedding. Unusual, i want things which are slightly more non-traditiona. I want a tea length dress, but i also want a pair of white converse because i hate heels or anyything too girly. There have to be lights everywhere, I want to feel as though there are stars surrounding me even when i am inside. for the first dance i want it to finish with a kind of flashmob. if anybody is bored at all i will be unhappy, i want lots of laughter and people being together. The colour scheme is pink and blue, to match my engagement ring and our favourite colours.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? None, we dont celebrate it. 

48 - Have you ever been kissed? Lots. 

49 - How long is your longest relationship? 5 years and counting.  

50 - Do you regret your past? Some of it, not all.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? I have done on multiple occasions, but if it helps them it isnt stupid. 

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? lots of times. 

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? A few people, i’d like to say i dont but i would be lying. 

54 - Are you a crybaby? At certain things, at other thing i am the most hard faced bitch in the world. 

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? My partner and bestie do at times, i think they lie though. 

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? Once when i was younger, onlly because he was gay though and apparently i was the only person in the world who couldnt see it/. 

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? Yeah, I said a few choice words to someone who was a horrible, nasty piece of work. I shpouldnt have done it, but i dont regret it to this day. 

58 - Do you like getting hurt? No, but from the amount i do you’d think I do. 

59 - Does anyone hate you? Probably, i tried to take my abuser to court so at the very least I imagine he and his family hate me. 

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? Never slapped anyone. 

61 - What hair color do you prefer? I love bright colours, give me a pink or a blue anyday, I did it once before but i arent brave enough to do it again and it is a pain in the ass if you want to change colour again. 

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? My reaction to trauma/ 

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? yes.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? yes.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? I’m at uni, and i did up until about a month ago but theyre no longer in my life so its fine now. 

66 - Can you live without internet? Yes but it would be a struggle I imagine.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? We found love, Rhianna/ 

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? Sometimes and around some people. not so much around certain others. 

69 - Are you a crybaby? Sometimes. 

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? Most of my life/. 

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? Not overly.

72 - Do you study hard? When panic overtakes me.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? yes, my mental health and almost sanity to protect my siblings. 

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? yes.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? yes. 

76 - Did you have an accident last year? Yes, every flaming day of the year probably, i am accident prone, 

77 - What kind of person are you? Id like to think i am caring and compassionate, I am very quick witted, sarcastic and stubborn as a mule. Easily anxious, but I will do anything if i love someone enough, it takes me a long time to trust though and i am wary of poeple which might make me seem standoffish at times. 

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? i had a really bad intrusive thought once about stabbing my abusive stepmother, but i am in control of myself so i put down the knife (it was a butter knife and wouldnt have done any harm anyway) and went into a other room and went back to finish my food later. I dont think i could deal with bbeing a murderer. 

79 - Have you ever been jealous? Not really. 

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? Be there for them always, let ythem know you wont leave them and supportthem even when they are being difficult and when thir demons dont play well with yur own/ 

81 - What are you thinking right now? How much id love to sleep.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? Another member from that infernal group whose number I also need to delete to have them truly removed from my life. 

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? oh yeah, the vast majority of my childhood. 

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? yes, so many times. 

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? of course, but only to my bestie and that doesnt count, shes a sounding board as i am to her. 

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? of course, I have lived over 20 years  you’re bound to argue with someone in that time. 

87 - Do you have trust issues? Massive ones. 

88 - Are you broken-hearted? Somedays/ 

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My partner. 

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? Jury’s out. I have been told it is but I arent sure, and I arent sure I am really qualified to make that opinion yet. 

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? Nom i wasnt abused as a child because it 3wwas meant to be, my life isnt a fucking superhero movie, i was abused because a sick fuck abused me, there is no higher power or bigger picture to it, it was just shit. 

92 - Who do you want to marry?My partner. 

93 - Do you believe in destiny? Not really.

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? I dont do soulmate, but I have already found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with/ 

95 - How do you look right now? Like utter shite. 

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? yes

97 - Have you found your true love? i hope so

98 - What should you be doing right now? sleeping or studying

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.nope/ 

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? all the fucking time. 

[loveinruins]

I fucked everything up

Ok firstly let’s just start by saying I fucked everything up.

I just know it.

I feel like yesterday I got friendzoned to the max.

Like where do I even begin with yesterday’s events.

So yesterday, I was at work whatever it was toast af.

I barely got to speak to him yesterday, the only time I got to see him was when I went to lunch and even then it was for like 5 minutes. I feel like now that he doesn’t sit near me it makes me fucking depressed.

Like how fucking ridiculous, I was doing fine up until he moved. I wonder if it’s because I could hear him all the time and I felt his presence that it was fine. Now he sits on the otherside of the fucking call centre and he’s sitting with his back towards me. He doesn’t skype me either anymore. He told me he missed my music but he will get over it I guess. Just like he is over me because I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP.

FFS.

I waited for him afterwork yesterday until about 5:55 and realized that my manager was still at her desk and if she saw me she would’ve been like oh I thought you have to leave on time on thursdays which I do but I just wanted to try and spend as much time with him as possible so me the dickhead stayed. I quickly did a back route escape when I left so I’m hoping she didn’t see me lol..

Anyway we ended up walking to flinders and he took a snap of me whilst we were walking and was like when you’re walking and your friend is depressed and point at me and I was like covering my face like fuck off..

He made a comment to me about how he wasn’t used to me being like this, he goes I’m not used to this girly T it’s weird you’re usually like “ONE OF THE BOYS” (fucking kill me now) like you know you’re usually like whatever fuck it -

Thanks for stabbing me in the heart GC, thanks A LOT. Just what I fucking need after the day that I’ve had.

He basically was trying to pep talk me on the whole train ride whilst I was tearing up telling him how fucking depressed I was about being at work and how much I didn’t want to be there. He was like T there are worse things, imagine if you were in my position blablabla and I was like I would swap with you anyday tbh. Anyway he goes it has to be more than work, what is it? and then he brings up what happened on V day and I go it’s not that at all. He goes are you sure about that? I go yes.. I’m over it.

Anyway I was like thanks for being there for me, he goes ofcourse, we’re mates.

OMG. MATES? MATES. ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?

Thanks for stabbing me AGAIN  in my fucking heart and twisting it this time. I literally wanted to cry. I was like that’s it I fucked it up, I fucked it up because he thinks I like this imaginary fucking being when really it’s him.

The baker was right - the only person I’m creating obstacles for is myself.

So I literally went home and cried myself to sleep, in my black abyss of darkness. I fell asleep from 8:30 and woke up at about 5 this morning.

I’m putting on a brave face today but inside I feel broken into a million pieces. I don’t know if it’s because of my period and that’s why I’m extra emotional but I haven’t cried like that in ages.

I actually felt rejected. Friend zoned. One of the boys? Mates? Really?!

I think it’s like too late for us now.. I don’t know

I know I just need to trust in fate and if we’re meant to be more than just “friends” then it will happen.

I don’t even know how I got back to this point. I thought I was in control but I need to pull myself together because I’m acting like a fucking idiot.

I told him not to wait for me yesterday because I’m doing the late shift today - plus I need to find something to wear after work so we’ll see if he waits.

If he doesn’t I’ve already hit rock bottom so where else can I really go? Nowhere.

I need to go back to work unfortunately - I’ll give myself 6 months I think for something to change, if not I’m done. I’m moving the fuck on.