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#he is like that but then also when someone he likes is struggling he genuinely wants to help etc like he is not a bad person
11rosebunny · 3 days
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Turn ons (BOFURIN + SHISHITOREN)
a/n: this is a repost from my wattpad, take this for now as i struggle for my exams…
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Haruka Sakura
•Girls that fight back.
He's not so much of a romantic person so many of his turn ons do not have any correlation to anything that falls deeper into the aspects of romance.
But he does get off to the sight whenever you talk back to someone you refuse to let disrespect you. Even if you fight back with him, as much as he may seem he's annoyed, he's actually intrigued in the way you snap back making him grin at your remarks.
Some say he's sadistic for that (Suo).
Hajime Umemiya
•When you smell good.
He doesn't find it weird to openly go up to you and take a wiff of your scent. It was a complete accident the first time he smelt your aroma. You and him met up outside of school for the first time alone and because of that, he was able to smell your perfume.
He doesn't know why it gets him riled up, it's even come to a point when you two finally started dating, he wouldn't remove his head away from your neck whenever you were laying on his bed with him.
•Eye contact.
He absolutely digs the way whenever you two stare at each other. Something about the way your eyelashes bat at him as he falls into a deep gaze into yours makes him lose all sanity. He may seem like he's doing fine on the outside but on the inside, his itching to shove you to a wall and ask what you're doing to him.
Toma Hiragi
•When you're submissive.
This isn't put in a way to come off as sexual, it's whenever you simply comply to anything he says. It may sound toxic but he enjoys it when you listen to his orders, regardless if it stops you from doing something you really wanted to do, making you put on a jacket because it was too cold, ensuring you'll text him as soon as you get home, or when he tells you to help him with something.
Taiga Tsugeura
•Wearing his clothes
His wardrobe is quite boring to say the least; plain colours, bland shirts, and mostly shorts. But even so, he enjoys it whenever he walks by you and notices you're wearing one of his shirts.
He'll know right away that it's his due to the sheer size of it and the way it drapes on your body. It makes him go all giddy and smiley when he sees you. He has to look away or else you'll notice the blush dusting on his cheeks.
Mitsuki Kiryu
•When you're embarrassed.
There's a difference between being shy and embarrassed. If you so happen to get shy, he knows he shouldn't be finding interest in that because that's when you are genuinely nervous.
However, if you do get embarrassed, stuttering all over the place, blush creeping up on your face, eyes darting everywhere but his, a little alter ego of himself takes over in his head watching you melt into a puddle of ice cream.
He finds it so entertaining at the way you can't look him in the eye. He'll accuse you of going red and instigate your fumbling even further just for the fun of it.
Hayato Suo
•Accidental touches.
He tries to maintain being respectful but as soon as your hand brushes over his, his chest accidentally touching the back of your shoulder blade, the way youre faces get too close if he's helping you clean something off your cheek, it drives him nuts at the way you look at him.
He may seem calm and collected on the outside, but with how he's flickering his eyes to your lips and your eyes, you can tell if he wasn't holding himself back he probably would have smashed his lips onto yours by now.
Jo Togame
•When you make the first move.
He knows he's tacky for this but he can't help but to love the feeling of being chased by someone he likes.
He's all up for the way you two basically bicker with each other when he knows deep down you want him just as much as he does too.
He loves acting like he doesn't care till at the very last moment he'll say something so breathless that you'll be thinking about it for the next few days.
•Putting your hair up.
He also thinks he has a type for sporty girls due to the fact he just purely doesn't know what his exact type of women is.
If you're getting annoyed at the way your hair continues to fly in your face, need to focus, or simply just want to tie it, he loves watching the process of you tying it up for whatever reason.
Tomiyama Choji
•Fun to be with.
He has trouble being romantic and when he does, it's usually the worst thing you've ever experienced.
So if you two date, you have to expect most of your time with him to be more like fun play dates.
He likes the way you're able to make him laugh and want to do more menacing things with you, even if it ends up with one of you being in trouble.
•PDA.
You can argue this one to him but no matter what, he loves it when you publicly show others that your his.
If you hold his hand, take pictures with him in public, hold his arm, he thinks it's one of the best things you could do to show off your significant other.
It gives him the sense that you're possessive over him. As bad as that sounds, he loves it when you're willing to be aggressive to other people that try talking to him.
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crystallizsch · 19 hours
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despite twst being a "villain" game
i love it when i see how certain characters speak to certain people. like how people just relate to their struggles/personalities/etc.
there’s riddle coming to terms that not everything has to be perfect, unlearning from what he has been taught growing up that not everything has to be followed to the letter;
ace who is gungho and earnest about what he believes in and has the natural inclination to defend those he grows to genuinely care about;
deuce always striving to improve himself despite setbacks and being aware of his own shortcomings;
leona who acts like he’s given up from being cast aside his entire life and coming to terms to the fact that there are people that do look to him as a leader, as someone who’s worth something;
floyd who unapologetically just does what he wants, choosing to do things that interests him at the moment;
kalim choosing to be happy and kind always, living life everyday to the fullest knowing what he’s gone through;
jamil with the expectations and obligations to essentially "perform" and do things for others more than for himself, especially when he has the potential to shine by himself with his own abilities;
vil rejecting gender norms and restrictions, while still being confident in his own masculinity, and also wanting other people to bring out their best and truest potential even though he may be strict about it;
rook being able to pick out so meticulously the beauty in everything and everyone whenever no one else is able to;
idia with his introverted yet very passionate energy towards things he cares about;
silver with his love and dedication for those he considers his family;
malleus with his loneliness and bringing out his genuine self with someone he's able to consider a friend;
i know some of these sound pretty surface-level but these are the ones that just came to mind at the moment, these are not my full-on thoughts on each of them
my point overall is i just really love seeing when there’s a character that REALLY speaks to someone that doesn’t particularly speak to me because it gives me a whole new perspective on characters i initially didn’t care about or didn’t like and makes me appreciate them more
also it just shows how how these characters are different enough in that sense so that there are characters for everyone to love and relate to 🥺💕
i could gush more about relationship dynamics as well but this is getting long enough hfdsfjsljlks anyways i would love to see others’ own takes and why a particular character(s) relates to them or why they just like them in general 👉👈 i want to spread some good vibes 💖 but anyways idk these are just my thoughts 🤧
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artofhazbinhotel · 13 hours
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Hazbin hotel headcannons
I think Valentino is genderfluid and just doesn't know it
Vox is autistic and stims by jumping up and down or picking people up, his hyperfixation is sharks (I'm autistic)
Vox isn't a picky eater but his favorite thing to eat is burgers, he isn't a good cook though so he makes others do it for him
The reason Adam always folds his wings at his sides is to make himself look skinnier
Charlie has hyper empathy and that's why she struggles so much with accepting some people just can't be helped (I understand this)
Alastor has ASPD, not because he's a serial killer, that's a horrible stereotype, but because his emotions are limited and he has trouble understanding others so even if someone is his friend he might unintentionally hurt their feelings, his sadism has absolutely nothing to do with the not caring about most, maybe it's because he likes seeing so clearly what the other person feels? Rosie is one of the only people he genuinely cares about (my boyfriend has this and agrees)
Vox has NPD, it can cause extreme jealousy when your ego feels attacked, and the reason he humiliated himself on TV was that exact reason, feeling worse, Alastor has probably sent him into a narc crash several times but most of it as spent on a high, it stems from low self esteem masked with pride and indifference (my boyfriend has NPD and agrees)
Now for the controversial one that I still agree with, I think Valentino has BPD, people have said that Bipolar or NPD is also an option but saying NPD feels like just feeding into narc abuse claims. As for bipolar, the difference between BPD and bipolar is the length of episodes, BPD has rapid mood swings while bipolar ups and downs can last months, we see Valentino switch up his emotions within seconds constantly. BPD can also cause anger, jealousy, and obsession, I think angel is his FP and that's why he immediately assumed he's abandoned the second he moves out and flies into a rage and why he has the need to always have control over him (I have BPD)
Angel is hypersexual as a result of his trauma and I know people shit on the portrayal of how he acts but not every single SA survivor becomes sex repulsed, some have the opposite reaction where they intentionally sexualize themselves because they think that's all they're good for or that if they aren't doing that they're doing something wrong, I like that there's finally representation for that, characters who are overly sexual flirts don't usually have a psychological explanation
Lucifer is autistic and bad at social cues, his hyperfixation is ducks. He also has depression that stemmed from his divorce
Velvette is bisexual
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silkythewriter · 7 hours
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Hey, hi, hello! I had this idea for a Vox x reader that won’t leave me no matter what I do. I know you’re probably sick of writing for vox so much lately, so no pressure to do this! Take your time and don’t feel pressured to get it out soon! :D
What if Vox had a short s/o- I just barely realized how short the demons in hell can be and I think would be interesting. Like- what if his s/o just constantly walked on their tippy toes so they don’t seem as short as they really are compared to Vox? I also think it would be hilarious if his s/o was ever in an argument and they just randomly got Vox to pick them up because they want a height advantage.
-🃏
★Vox with a short! Reader★
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Warnings!: non pure fluff!
Fandom!: Hazbin hotel
Author note: HI OKAY I DUNNO IF THE OG REQUESTER IS EVER GONNA SEE THIS BUT GENUINELY I LOVE WHEN U REQUEST!, and thank you so so so much for checking up on me last time!, again thank you for requesting and I know I have some of your other request in my inbox so I’ll definitely go take a look LOVE YOUR IDEAS SORRY THIS IS LONG (💧。•́‿•̀。)
Summary!: Vox with a short! Reader ( ̄▽ ̄)
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“Look at me
I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree
And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud“
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OKAY, OKAY, BUT LIKE HE DEFINITELY LOVES THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.
Don’t get me wrong, this man would love you whatever height you’re at, but man can he admit he loves when you have to snap your neck up ward just to look him in the eyes. He finds it hilarious. 
He teases you a ton, he blames you for his back problems, having to bend a bit down to kiss you. (Definitely not that he looks like a gremlin in his work chair hunched over stacks of papers)
Don’t get me started on the names he gives you, quite literally calls you doll cause he just loves how short and small you are!
Oh and that thingy you do with your tippy toes? To try and seem just a tinny bit taller? He also finds that hilarious!. Literally watched you struggle to balance yourself and purposely scares you so you slip up a bit and you end up landing in his arms. He’s a charmer what can he say?
Hates when someone else teases you though, that’s his bit, who do they think they are???
Likes looming over you as you do something, he can’t and won’t explain why he likes it he just finds it enjoying
For April fools’ he actually left a bunch of stools around your shared apartment for you (which…actually was very much needed for you, which he burst out laughing at)
He does find himself looking at you from afar and spacing off, he just finds you cute, everything About you, even your height!, he can’t help but just admire you for a bit.
Carry’s you bridle style, girl, boy, or in-between doesn’t matter to him. He loves how small you feel in his arms.
Val and velvet calling you his elf is probably the worse teasing you faced there but if it upsets you Vox is quick to silence them.
Now we’re heading into the topic of arguments…(メ﹏メ)
“Look at me in my eyes when I talk to you!”you huffed watching him roll his eyes “Fine.” Vox says as he picks you up. You two broke into a giggle after that 😭
Whenever your stern talking him he turns his screen into a camera so you can see what he sees needless to say you didn’t talk to him for a week.
When ever you two sit together he uses you as an arm rest here and there messing up your hair but he really couldn’t care much (ಡ‸ಡ)
Likes having you in his lap as he works like I said in my last post about him, he can’t help it. You truly are like a doll to him and he just enjoys having you in his lap and holding you in his arms.
Cuddling is definitely easier as he opts to big spoon most of the time, but if you figure out a way or want to be big spoon he won’t protest to much. He finds it cute like a little koala hanging off his back ( he has stated this out loud before and burst out laughing with you ( =ω= ) )
Purposely calls you to get an item he intentionally put on the high shelf of a cabinet literally his favorite thing to pull on you
“Honey, mind grabbing the popcorn?, my new show is about to come on” he said sweetly as he pointed to the pantry from the couch. You shrugged “sure” you said getting up as you dug through the pantry’s bottom and middle shelves but coming out empty handed and confused. “I think we ran out…” you trailed off knowing you saw it yesterday in there. “Oh, I must have moved it, check up there” he said in a fake remorseful tone as he again, pointed his finger only to the top shelves nearing the roof. “Vox!” You groaned turning your head up as you heard him chuckle behind you.
Picks you up randomly when your not budging and just takes you himself 😭
Overall, he genuinely finds your height adorable!, and aside from teasing, he does really finds you cute. And is careful not to hurt your feelings most of the time…(unless he’s having a particularly bad day) but always makes up for it!. He loves you, and he’ll make sure you know that. ♡´・ᴗ・`♡
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AHHHHH I LOVE WRITING THIS THANK YOU SOSOSOOS MUCH FOR REQUESTING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED PLEASE REQUEST AGAIN!
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caeslxys · 1 month
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 month
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sometimes interpreting media through a shipping lens enhances it, on occasion even beyond the author’s original intent, but sometimes, you do have to accept that your ship was not in the heads of anyone making the source material and trying to force it to fit into evidence of your ship will severely hinder your ability to discuss the actual text.
#and also ill hit you on the head with a brick#posts that. im not going to say theyre about destiel. im not going to say that.#and im not gojng to say it because. i dont need to. you already know <3#and to be clear: its not the interpretation thats a problem here. thats the fun of shipping. its then taking what youve interpreted and then#trying to backread that onto the media itself as intentional. as intended.#dismissing the actual themes and story for evidence of a ship is the problem. u get me?#shipping brainrot is not ‘oh i think these characters would kiss for this reason’.#its ‘this show is and has always been about these characters kissing no matter how much i have to ignore about the show to make that true or#pretend is completely different than its actually presented or straight up make things up to make my ship be a part of the intended reading’#thats the brainrot. the brainrot is when u step off the train of reality.#this is not true about the best piece of art ever made Captain America and the Winter Soldier. btw. that movie IS about bucky and steve#kissing alsjfdjskdjg#(<- okay im being silly here but id like to make a real point here too. the thing about TWS is that. it is genuinely enhanced by a romantic#reading. its not *better* than a platonic one. its just different. being able to see it through that lens does make a lot of the original#movie’s ideas even more complex. case in point like: steve struggling with his dating life. because what shared life experience does he have#with other people who look his age. and the movie is. about. someone who has his shared life experiences. and his mission to get bucky back.#you can see how that lens would be beneficial to the original movie rather than fighting it to prove the ship works in opposition to the#author’s original intent.)
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dykeza · 1 year
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Ichigo being a stay at home dad who works online is so in character for him actually…… he’s the type of dad to enforce 1 hour of no screen time outside playing in the yard and/or playground. He texts Orihime goofy pictures of Kazui jumping around in some water fixture in the local park and carries him home soaked to the bone and shivering with the biggest smile on his face and then they eat ice cream and wait for Orihime to get home so they can have family game night.
#I cannot see how someone can dislike ichihime and their beloved baby boy#they’re so silly!!#honestly I think a lot of it comes from forgetting Ichigo isn’t Just his badassery and trauma and stubbornness#Ichigo is goofy and funny and likes playing games and has shown how genuinely warm and welcomed/welcoming he is around Hime#and a lot of the times when I see posts referencing how Orihime is bad for him or is like… a creep or whatever#I can’t help but notice that it just. doesn’t sound like Ichigo at all#Ichigo Kurosaki is full of love and compassion and he adores everything around him#he loves and honors even the most evil of people and recognizes others struggles even if he can’t relate#there isn’t a single thing about him that conveys this supposed dislike for Orihime or this discontent with his life#Ichigo is like. a happy person#he suffers and he endures so much and he keeps finding new ways to love and understand others#he fights so hard to be happy… so why can’t people except that maybe he is?#at some point you just have to accept that a character can be content#Ichigo is married to Orihime. he works from home. he adores his son and his wife and his family#and like. that’s okay? there doesn’t need to be some deep reason. you don’t need to try and drag even more character out of him#he has enough!!!!!! he has more than enough character to go around!!#please let Ichigo Kurosaki love his wife and his son… and also let Rukia do the same#I know I just now mention her but this tangent is directed towards the Weird ichirukis I see poking around on twt and tumblr#Rukia is happy with her husband!!! she likes Renji!!!! she likes him so much in fact that she married him and had a kid with him#Rukia and Ichigo both are very hardheaded characters and if they’re unhappy with their circumstances THEYLL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#they’re not scared to be honest with themselves and others anymore!! they’re very vocal about their opinions if you haven’t noticed yet#some of the first things we learn about both of them is that they aren’t scared to speak their mind#I am fucking certain that if they happened to Not Want to end up with their respective spouses they would’ve just. not married them#idk what copium ichirukis that don’t like Renji and/or Orihime are smoking I really don’t#you love these characters so much and yet you discredit one of their most recognizable traits!!! their readiness to DO WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!#they’ve proven time and time again thag they do whatever they want within reason#there is not a possible universe where either of these characters would sit quietly and let themselves be unhappy for the sake of the others#because they’ve learned. and they’ve grown. and they trust Renji/Orihime enough to understand their decisions becuase it’s in the fucking—#—text how much they respect and trust them to understand their feelings#this ramble is too long I’ve reached 30 tags URASHIN CANON GOODNIHHT AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA
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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months
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God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(
#its bc last night my dad had a dream she was in a car wreck. he transferred that anxiety onto me#shes such a bitch tho.just like intolerant of things she doesnt understand. and she does not understand my unwell brain#i think she likes my youngest sistsr best now. which fair bc i do too but we used to be besties. we used to explore in the woods together#and play ellos and barbies and legos and poly pockets and magnets. and now we never text eachother. its sorta sad#its not just me tho. my youngest sister and i have a 4 year gap so we weren't really interacting much when were were little bc she was too#bby to me but shes such a genuinely lovely person now. shes a special ed and preschool teacher. i asked her mom how she ended up with both#of my sisters bc my middle sister is the most like entitled person i kno. like my parents r very generous and she doesnt think for a moment#about not accepthing things from them. she thinks shes owed that amd more. its so strange#and my mom was like. thank goodness i got the youngest bc otherwise id think something was wrong with me#im prob somewhere in the middle of them. my brain is just more fucked up so like im greatful but im struggling. theres not a ton of like#really obvious mental illness in my family tho. just here and there someone should b diagnosed and get a bit of help. my uncle is the only#other one who could possibly be bipo1ar but hes also got a lot of problems: severe adhd and possibly b0rderline. so it could just b that but#my dad says when u talk to him sometimes things just doent make sense bc hes had convos in his head wuth you so he thinks u kno already#idk. its interesting tho#unrelated
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oceansquill · 1 month
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Me watching Q's stream:
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eoinmcgonigal · 8 months
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07: Bill/Johnny
Catching up! Here's my very late thing for @almost-a-class-act 's prompt: Character A's ex-lover/high school acquaintance/friend they haven't seen in years has just turned up on their doorstep. "The curse. It's real."
For context/warning: Bill is massively dysregulated at the start of this.
Also. This is long. Oops.
-
He could do without the buzzer going. He could do without a lot of things happening today, but the last twenty four hours have just been like that. He’s still unsettled from running into Pat yesterday, and could seriously have done without that reminder of the past. It’s been three years since high school, and not one single memory that’s come back to Bill in the years since has been a good or happy one.
The intercom is, of course, still broken. Bill tugs his keys from their peg, and goes to answer the door manually. Two floors, four flights of stairs, and then he’s hefting the lock of the front door open, yanking on the unimpressive thing. The door swings open, over the worn mat, to reveal a typical grey day, and someone Bill never thought he’d see again. His heart trips, and then sinks to new, unknown depths, taking Bill’s already shit mood with it.
As gorgeous as ever, as perfectly handsome as Bill tries not to remember, Johnny Cooper stands in the street, smiling his brightest everybody-loves-me smile.
Bill doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this.
“The curse,” he mutters to himself, pulling the door back towards himself so that there’s no space for Johnny to see past him, into the hallway. “It’s real.”
Johnny’s expression falters, falling. “What curse?”
Bill has no interest in dealing with this. It’s already a bad day. Facing the person he had a crush on since S3 the day after he bumped into the guy he disastrously dated for a whole week in S5 really is torture. The universe is laughing at him, and Bill half expects someone else from school to jump out from behind Johnny.
No one does. It’s a start. But Johnny is still there, staring up at him. “Um, I…”
“Yes?” Bill prompts. He wants to get this over with. “What is it?”
Johnny recoils from the tone of his voice. Bill can tell it was perhaps a bit abrupt, but he really doesn’t care. “I, um…” Johnny repeats.
Bill lets out a sigh, aching to turn away. There’s a deep, familiar stinging in his chest, and he hates that, after all this time, it’s still there. He only managed to get over Johnny after school because he never saw him again, and Johnny became a sometimes-memory of the only person Bill ever felt genuinely attracted to. The fleeting, passing fancies he’s had since then have never got so deep under his skin, and never lasted so long.
“Pat said he saw you yesterday.”
“Great.”
He hadn’t meant to mutter that, but the filter between Bill’s thoughts and speech usually fucks off when he’s in a sour mood. It never improves matters, but Bill is beyond caring.
“Did you want something?” he bites out. The sooner Johnny comes out with it, the sooner Bill can retreat back upstairs and deal with the horrible nest sensations swirling inside of him.
“I wanted to see you.”
Bill snorts at that. “Well, now you’ve seen me.”
He leans against the door, wanting to shut it, just as Johnny climbs the step. “Bill…”
He’s reaching out, not to touch or anything, but… Bill’s attention falls to that hand for a moment, and then he looks back up at Johnny, hating that he now knows those blue eyes are as heartbreakingly beautiful as ever.
“What happened?”
“What happened?” Bill echoes, not understanding the question.
“I thought you might… want to see me?”
“No?” is Bill’s immediate response. “Why in the world would I want that?”
He can see how much his words hurt. The hurt little part inside himself is pleased, but the rest of him feels awful. Johnny actually looks upset, his eyes going wide as his expression falls. Regret comes hard on the heels of his own words, and makes Bill feel even worse. Why won’t this day just end? Why did he have to see Pat, and indulge him, admitting to things Bill never wanted to tell anyone else?
“Pat said…”
In his horror, Bill doesn’t know if he should slam the door, or scream. He freezes, his eyes starting to sting as he tries to defend himself. “That was years ago!”
He realises he’s breathing hard. It hurts. Why did Pat have to go and say anything? Why did he repeat what Bill told him?
Johnny leans forwards so subtly he probably doesn’t even realise he’s doing it, but Bill does, and he wants to run.
“I wish I’d known,” Johnny says.
Bill scoffs at that. He knows he’s being ugly, but he doesn’t know how else to be. He feels like a raw, exposed nerve, and needs it to end. “What, so you could laugh at me?”
Johnny pulls back. “What? No, of course not!”
When Johnny shifts his weight again, his shoulders soften, his expression gentle.
“I liked you too.”
Oh.
Oh fuck. No. This isn’t happening. It’s not.
Bill takes a step back, laughing harshly. His mind tells him that Johnny is being serious, but he can’t understand why the world has to be so cruel. He could have lived the rest of his life without ever knowing that. Now, if his thoughts drift back to that time, they’re going to be forever changed by the painful ‘what if?’, instead of the old, familiar knowledge that no one as handsome and perfect as Johnny would ever want Bill. No one ever wants Bill, which is just fine, really, in spite of the deep, aching loneliness at the core of him, because Bill has never wanted anyone anyway.
Well, apart from Johnny.
He lets out a breath, the laughter gone as quickly as it came. He doesn’t know what to say. Johnny is still standing there, gazing up at him, not leaving. Bill wonders what it would take to get him to go.
He wonders, and does nothing. It’s Johnny who leads, now. “Honestly?” Johnny continues plainly. “I still think about you sometimes. You are my ‘what if?’, you know?”
Bill does know, although he doesn’t know why he’s that to Johnny.
“So if you want to hang out, catch up, get a coffee…” Johnny trails off for a moment. “I would like that.”
Unclenching his jaw, BIll tries to get his tongue to work. He’s not sure he can trust this. It’s too good to be true. “Is that why you came here?”
“Yes,” Johnny breathes. “A few years late, I know.” There’s a weak little smile, something… shy. Vulnerable. Cute.
Bill swallows, not sure where he stands. He doesn’t feel better, but at least the swirling, angry irritation has shifted into something quieter. “Aren’t you and Pat…?”
Johnny shakes his head. “No. We are just good friends.”
“Oh.”
At least Bill hadn’t admitted how he felt about Johnny to Johnny’s boyfriend.
“He knows how much I like you,” Johnny continues. “I mean, he only found out after you two…”
Yeah, Bill would really rather not remember that disaster.
“Is that really why it didn’t work out?”
Bill isn't able to answer that. It's too raw, too personal and private. He’d carelessly admitted to Pat yesterday that when they’d had their silly little thing he’d liked someone else, and couldn’t get over them. His guard had been down. He’d admitted that it was Johnny when Pat asked, knowing even as the confession escaped him that he was going to regret it. Pat had gone still for a moment, and then chuckled a ‘Cooper? Damn’ before moving on.
He wonders if Pat also told Johnny that he’s still single.
“Well, anyway,” Johnny breathes, his tone shifting to something breezy. He seems dismissive, brushing away what he’s just asked. “If you want to, as friends or whatever, I would like that. I can give you my number?”
“My phone’s upstairs.”
“I can give you a missed call, and you can message me back.” As he speaks, Johnny gets out his phone and, feeling somewhat trapped and unsure how to get out of this, Bill automatically rattles off his number.
It’s only when Johnny repeats it back to him, and gives the call a few seconds to connect, that Bill realises he could have given the wrong number, and Johnny would never know.
“What sort of place would you like to go?” Johnny asks.
Embarrassed by his answer, Bill gives the only one he can: “The arcade.”
Johnny’s face lights up. “By the beach?”
Bill nods. “Yeah.”
“I haven’t had a chance to go yet.” His smile is distracting. “What about this evening?”
Bill doesn’t really feel like adding to today’s disaster, but the temptation of getting it over and done with, and not having anything up in the air, is stronger. “Okay.”
“It’s a date!” Johnny grins.
Bill flinches at that, not ready for it. “I don’t know you,” he points out.
Johnny’s expression falls, suddenly seeming sad. There’s something gentle about that look, though, making Bill want to reach out and do something to make it go away, because it feels like he could do something to make it go away. He is the cause of it, after all.
“You don’t have to know me,” Johnny says softly. “Wanting to get to know me is enough.”
“Oh.”
There’s a twitch of a smile, something very open and unguarded about Johnny, and in that moment Bill feels like no time has passed at all since that last day of school. Only, this time, he has a chance, and not just a cheery ‘good luck!’ that had felt false. Johnny had wished everyone luck—they still had exams, after all—and given everyone a hug. Well, everyone apart from Bill, who had curled his shoulders forward and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep his head down and survive without any unwanted touch. It had been a wretched day, and gladly forgotten once he was free of school walls.
Bill looks at Johnny, and forgets everything else. “Aye, okay,” he decides, and watches as Johnny smiles again, his whole face lighting up. It’s strange to know that he’s caused that.
“Text me the time, okay? And where to meet.”
He starts to nod, and then goes still. “Wait here.”
“Okay?”
Bill doesn’t hang around to explain. He turns, letting the door fall shut behind him as he darts back up the stairs. It’s suddenly urgent to check his phone, and he makes it through his front door to find his phone where he left it in the kitchen. There’s a missed call. With a sigh of relief, he bounds back down the stairs.
Johnny is still standing there, a step back. Bill joins him in the street, letting the door shut behind him. He hadn’t realised how chilly the air was. Lifting his phone, he shows the screen. “This you?”
Johnny peers at the number, leaning in close enough that Bill catches the scent of his deodorant. “Yes.”
Nodding, Bill pulls his phone back, and saves Johnny’s number properly. “See you later?” he wonders.
“Definitely,” Johnny smiles, and it’s then that Bill realises he has about an inch or two on Johnny, now that he stands up tall instead of curling in on himself. It makes Johnny feel different to him, new, while at the same time still the same person Bill fell for. It’s both dangerous and reassuring to know that Bill could easily fall for him again.
There’s nothing more to say. Bill lets out a breath, an agreement reached, and the unknown before him. At least he won’t have to wait long. He gives an awkward wave as Johnny takes a step back, and tries not to watch him go while he works his key into the lock. He doesn’t have a fucking clue how it’ll go this evening, but it feels so much better watching Johnny walk away knowing that it’s not forever this time. Well, not that it was forever last time, but Bill didn’t know that.
Safely back in his flat, Bill realises that the turmoil of earlier is gone. Another kind of turmoil has replaced it, but it’s not as distressing, nor as fraying. He’s excited, he realises, although has no idea how he’s going to apologise to Johnny for being so abrupt earlier.
Trying not to think about it, Bill sends Johnny a text telling him to meet Bill at the arcade at six. It closes at eight today, instead of ten. Two hours isn’t too long if it goes badly, but if it goes well they’ll still have time afterwards, maybe even to walk along the beach. Bill would like that.
With that in mind, he goes into the hallway and sets his army surplus boots in front of the door, hopeful they’ll be the right choice.
Some time close to eleven, he’s kicking them off again, and smiling absentmindedly to himself. They were a good choice.
War is Helloween
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guideaus · 9 months
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what if i compared hgsn and mty
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Hi Jammy! Should we hope for some ficlet chapter today/tomorrow??👀
Yes! 🤗
I have planned only writing today, so I should get things done! 😊
#also everyone a round of kudos to my amazing boyfriend who created me a comfortable writing set up#im usually not a fan of writing while laying somewhere i prefer sitting#which hurts after a short while thanks to my fucked up back#he got extra plushy pillows and he arranged them in a way where i am half sitting half laying#sitting enough so i can write but laying down enough so my back can rest and is not hurting so fast#i just wanted to share this because im still so touched ♥♥♥#and yes yes to some it may seem like a small thing to do and not important or whatever but for me it meant the world#my mental health was really bad and i struggled so much with everything and he just supported me in the best way possible#he was already so supportive when i beat myself up and felt so down for taking a break because of my back#and then when i told him about my struggling with my back while writing#and he literally was like alright ill find a solution AND HE DID ♥♥♥#girls guys everyone...never settle for someone who doesnt love you and gives a flying fuck about you#youre not asking too much#partners who genuinely care and love and support like that exist in real life#and yes he also randomly checks in on me while i write and brings me snacks and something to drink#and is totally chill with having alone time while i write#not once he got angry for me disappearing for hours behind my screen or something#instead he is always super supportive and sweet and happy for me when i tell him about my writing
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bibiana112 · 1 year
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I have no idea how to phrase it but being on the older end out of the students in this class and seeing a lot of the ones that just left highschool struggling with very similar stuff than I did (because no one in this course is cishet and neurotypical) and then seeing them come to me for support with all that stuff just because I'm outspoken about my experiences and somehow signaled that I'm safe enough of a person to come to all in the third week of class is so much I don't know how I got here but I'm so glad I did
#like I've mentioned my cool genderqueer friend he's on the same age range as me but I am managing to interact#with like a decent portion of the class? which is awesome! it feels like art school all over again I actually understand people#and it naturally has a lot of freshmen#and today like idk probably because of how bad I had it yesterday that today just left such a big impact on me all of a sudden#it's important to me that I can be someone like that probably because it's how I remember being before trauma and stuff#but also I mean just logically speaking I know one issue I certainly don't have is with confidence and self esteem#so it's important to me that I can support friends who do still struggle with that self doubt#and something about that just coming across to others is getting to me#like I just make myself clear that it's a choice to be friends and listen and that I wouldn't hang out with anyone out of guilt or pity#and it actually makes people feel seen#like I don't think I've mentioned yet but I had at least three interactions that reflected this today so yeah#fellow autistic nb nerd asking for snuggly friend hugs so naturally I was talking to someone else#neurodivergent trans girl saying thank you out of the blue alongside her goodbyes when parting ways#guy with ocd I hadn't spoken to yet but that had a bad fucking time cause of the class incel being glad I reached out to him#after he had to walk out of class today#like idk#fuck man#I said I was trying to not infantilize or adopt anyone but still had the instinct to try and act all older sibling like#like almost joking and the girl genuinely said I was doing a good job at that though#Void fala aí
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genderfcker · 1 year
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head empty just thinking about a bryde & matthew fic where matthew makes bryde a lynch brother
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tillman · 2 years
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A lot of thoughts about how galehaut could never recognize lancelot after like. U know. Everything happens. Hes just a completely different person in every way but I dont think that would matter too much. Tbh. Because lancelot even at the end of everything is just kind of a sad man who has never been treated like a person ever since he was younger and galehaut is galehaut and wouldnt care if he had killed him in a more personal hands on manner lol. Which makes me normal. But whatever
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whimsyprinx · 2 years
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i really hate that I have a quote on quote “miserable” neutral expression and that i can’t control/be aware of my tone of speaking often and that I can’t really pick up on social cues because that leads to people at best asking if I’m okay or at worst (and most common) telling me that I look miserable all the time or that I’m being rude or a bitch and like it truly starts to take a toll on a person after having to hear it so often
#whimsy whispers#its made worse by rsd#so it’s just like having to deal with the fact that people are going to make negative remarks like this about you because they think you’re#entirely negative for things you can’t/struggle to control#like i know my face looks fucking miserable even when I’m trying to take pictures I look dead inside I’m freaking aware#i also know I have trouble sounding genuine/often sounding sarcastic when i speak#i got yelled at over it by my roommates dad one day until my roommates had to keep explaining that I just sound that way and don’t mean to#like I try to not speak like that but it’s not something I’m always gonna catch because that’s literally how I speak!!! this is my tone of#speaking!!!!#similarly (kinda) I have a huge problem that I match the tone I’m spoken to in which means if someone speaks to me in a snappy tone I match#it and that’s something I am actively trying to stop doing as well#and then like because of nd stuff but also having been very isolated from other ppl growing up I don’t know social cues well#and so I fail to pick up on them and look like an ass because of that and it’s not that I’m not trying to fix these things I am trying so#hard but it’s like Hard ya know???#idk just like being told I’m mean or a bitch or having my roommates boyfriend constantly say ‘you look miserable’ ‘’you look like someone#killed you dog’ (he has said both 3+ times to my face) gets tiring#like why do I have to listen to that shot#shit *#why do I have to explain constabtly that this is just how I freaking look and talk#i hate it so much it makes me literally want to cry#doesn’t help that like being told I’m mean for some reason makes me extremely upset so lol#this is like a very nd thing I think at least because my other nd friends have this same issue#because I vented about it earlier this week and they were like same!!! like I get tired I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid I#just want people to leave me alone about it#i wish my face was miserable looking enough that people would be too scared to approach me and say shit like this
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