#he probably thinks himself adam l.

[coralsgrimes]

Benny Boy recording his album! Wish them folks were right about 2012... Smelling the unemployment

[ambrosiagoldfish]

Adam x third spouse part 3 I’m begging pookie ❤️

like a time skip to when Charlie appeared and proposed the idea

Benifit of the doubt Pt.4

Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader

Warnings: General Adam TW’s, a little bit sad for a moment but it’s ok. Gn! Reader! honestly that’s about it I think?? Wow this is the first time it’s been this short in this series.

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Request Box: Open

Word Count: 4617~

A/n: So… it’s been almost 2 months… whoops. In all seriousness though I’m sorry it’s been so long. I’ve just not been in the mood to write and a lot of stuff has been happening (which is finally over) and I’m glad I could finally post this. I was also, if I’m honest, nervous to post this, cause I’m not sure if everyone’s ready for the direction of the story. But I have made it clear that I wanted to do a time skip to the show at somepoint and decided to do it now! If you enjoy this, please let me know cause I’m really nervous about (Not my words of affirmation love language coming out-) ALSO to the requester, I know you said part 3, but I used it for part 4. I got your request as I was making part 3 soooo my bad. Hope you don’t mind tho <3 this will be the last part before the angsty finale (and maybe an epilogue)

Reblogs are always appreciated!

Anyways this was NOT beta read unfortunately, I tried to get as many errors out during the writing process so hopefully it’s fine. Also, there’s probably some words I might have wanted to italicize or make bold that aren’t, but I’m too tired to care honestly.

Tags: @tired-of-life-86 @nervoussystemss @qopia @lovelyemily @hcneyiced @v3r41ynn @ghostdoodlen @nxptvne-13 @ximenavc-che @edgyfluff @ericityyy @diffidentphantom @faimmm @slasher-whore69 @1-randomized @ozzersauce @fanlovedlt @alientee (if I forgot someone or you want to be added just tell me !!)

Days turned to weeks, to months, to years. Until eventually an eon had passed. An entirety filled to the brim with an indescribable happiness and love, threatening to spill over at any given moment. You loved Adam and Adam loved you.

To say it was all happiness would be a lie, there were some moments of sadness and pain, but all relationships were like that, even ones that lasted for eternity. You both always bounced back, apologize and moved on with a stronger bond than before. And you loved every second of it.

A lot has changed in these last few eons. Adam formed a band and is now the most popular guitarist in all of heaven. You both made new friends, some got into heaven while others were made there. Emily was one of these people to you, she looked up to you for being older than her. You’ve existed for almost all of human existence so, of course she’d look up to you.

Adam had also made new friends, his band members, some officials in heaven, but someone he’s grown close to recently was Lute. You're really happy about his friendship with Lute. She seems like a strong and loyal friend, someone that can keep him grounded while still encouraging him to be more himself. Overall, you really liked her.

How they became friends though is something… less tasteful for you. All the way back when Heaven and Hell had their first meeting on what to do with the surplus of sinners in hell causing an uprising. Neither side came to an agreement in the end, you do feel partially to blame for that, but you still stand by what you did.

You never returned to any of the follow up meetings

But Adam did, surprisingly to you. In the end, you were called to talk with Sera and Adam. You were told of the agreement between Heaven and Hell, about the yearly “cleanse” that Adam and his “Exorcists” would have to commit. At first you were shocked, sure, you didn’t have the best experience with sinners and especially with the rulers of hell, but was death really necessary? You didn’t know what to say, and Adam clearly saw this.

“Babe, you alright?” He puts his hand on your shoulder rubbing his thumb in circles. You place your hand on his.

“Yeah it’s just a lot to take in. Are we sure it has to be done… that way?”

Sera looked down in pain “they’re… uprising and are becoming to much of a threat to heaven.”

You sighed as Adam took you in his arms. Adam was fully aware that you don’t share the same sentiment towards sinners as he does. His hatred towards the unholy souls down in hell was brought about by events that you simply cannot understand. Which he is thankful for, he never would want you to experience what he did.

“If there isn’t anything else we can do then… I guess we have no choice. But I don’t want to… kill anyone, even if they are sinners.”

Adam holds you closer “You won’t have to,” you smile at him, the now familiar flickering of his LED mask meeting your gaze before softly frown “you ok?”

You nod, “yeah, just…I wish there was another way.”

-

That was it. Adam would take his exorcists down to hell to kill as many sinners as they could each year. Adam knew you didn’t want him to talk about it , he kept it as separate as he could from your life. You did have to attend meetings regarding it, as one of the very few people to know about it, that was your duty.

You were fine with having that part of the job. You weren't sure if you could kill someone, sinner or not. So, for the countless years to follow, you played your part with every new extermination, attending meetings to deal with the repercussions of each cleanse.

Adam would also have to attend the occasional meeting. Which is exactly what today was. Sera had called you both in to talk.

“Thank you both for coming. I have to inform you that you will be attending a meeting tomorrow.”

Adam groaned “What! Again? This is like the 4th fuckin’ one this week! Ugh fine! Where is it this time? halo city? Cherub towne” Adam’s voice mocked the locations you’ve both been sent to countless times with a high pitched voice. Even you have to admit that the meetings could drag a bit.

Sera's face turned into a slight grimace as she looks away from you both, she sighs and continues “The meeting will be in… hell.”

“What!” Both your voices raise in shock

“Sera, you know I don’t want to go down there again!”

“Why can’t you just send the other fucking dipshits who know about-“ Adam crossed his arms defiantly

“Stop,” Sera raises her hand toward you both “no one wants to go there, and I know you both especially don’t.” She pauses “But you both are the only available angels who know of the cleanse that aren't busy. Please… I understand your disdain but heaven’s business comes first.”

“Who are we even gonna be talking to -Wait a damn minute- Don’t fucking tell me we have to talk to him.”

“I'm sorry…” You all sat in silence for a moment before Sera begins to speak again, “But you both won’t have to worry about physically being there, we have prepared holograms for you, so neither of you would be in any danger.”

“I'll have an Angel escort you to the ‘meeting’ room tomorrow, please, get some rest. I’m sure you both have had a long day.”

With that, you and Adam went home, you were definitely not feeling well about the meeting, but the fact you wouldn’t actually be there calms your nerves a bit. You had to be a little honest with yourself, hell wasn’t really the issue for you, it was more so the people. Lucifer for one, that made you feel uneasy.

The next morning, you and Adam got ready, you had to motivate him a little. He was clearly not excited for this meeting like you. The entire way there he held you close, even though nothing could have hurt you it made him feel better knowing how close you were.

On the way there, you also got Adam some ribs, his favorite. You thought it would help his nerves a bit. Turns out, Lute was the one Sera assigned to escort you both there. That also made you both a little calmer knowing a mutual friend would be there.

The three of you waited in the ‘meeting’ room for a while, about an hour. At first you thought the meeting might had been canceled or moved and you just weren't told. But then, Lute walked up to you both.

“Sir! The Seraphim has told me to inform you that there’s been a change in plans!”

“What? The fucks that mean?” Adam said stuffing a rib into his LED mouth

“Lucifer won’t be attending the meeting, instead… his Daughter will be here in his stead.” Lute’s mask showed a continuous frown and stern expression as she spoke.

“Daughter?” Your voice shook a little. This was news to you, as long as you’ve existed you had never heard he had a daughter while in hell. You look over to Adam to see His LED eyes were wide in shock but his mask turned into a smile as he sighed.

“Phew boy, we sure dodged a big ass bullet, huh Sweetcheeks?” He laughed as his arm pulled you closer. The whole thing caused you to join in. Suddenly your nerves felt a lot better than before.

“When should she be arriving, Lute?”

“Within the hour.”

-

Adam scarfed down another plate of ribs as you all wait for the “princess of hell” to arrive. The entire time you just had to wonder what kind of person she’d be. The daughter of Lucifer and Lilith. The more you thought about it, the more bizarre it seemed.

But suddenly your thoughts were interrupted by the sliding doors opening to the meeting room and a girl steps in, asking if anyone is there.

“She can’t see us?”

“Yeah, Sera gave me a long ass lector on how this stuff works before we got here. Let’s see here…” Adam pushes a button causing a click to sound out as he says “Sup!”

The girl jumps back and falls to the floor, shocked by Adam’s sudden appearance in the room. She introduces herself as Charlie. Adam offers her to shake his hand, only for it to go through.

“Ha! I fuckin’ got you! Did you fucking see that? Good shit.”

You let out a slight laugh, as you sit and watch the meeting happen. Well, you say “meeting” but nothing about it seemed very professional. Adam for the last hour (you honestly wasn’t sure at this point) had been talking about the most random of things.

You or Lute occasionally shakening your head yes or no while listening to him, while Charlie seemed quite tired already. Not that you could blame her, people who weren’t used to Adam’s banter definitely weren’t cut out for it. But You love every word that comes out of his mouth.

Eventually Adam decides that it’s time to get into what you all came here for. Pulling out a bunch of papers, Charlie begins explaining her solution to hell’s overpopulation. You were only really half listening at first, at least before she mentioned that her solution could stop the extermination which peaked your interest.

She explains her “Hazbin Hotel” and its purpose to rehabilitate sinners, you wanted to hear more of it but Adam cut her off.

The meeting didn’t really go that well, At least for Charlie. But the whole thing left quite the impression on you. The idea of ending the extermination was stuck in your head for so long, and now you had someone who had an alternative.

“Adam, are you sure that it couldn’t have worked?”

Adam looks at you in surprise “What? Do you think that shitshow could have actually worked?” He laughed as he placed a hand on your back. “Don’t even pay it any mind, alright Babe?”

“I know, it’s just… you know I don't like the extermination. So another way to lessen the population of hell should at least be looked into.” Your voice was soft enough to barely hear.

Adam’s gaze softened but he didn’t say another word, only wrapping his wing around you pulling you closer. You lean towards him, snuggling into his soft robe. No matter how much you wanted to ignore it, you couldn’t. You needed to do something, anything.

So that night, after Adam fell asleep, you asked to talk with Sera. Leaving a note for Adam saying you went to buy something just in case he woke up.

“What is troubling you?” Sera’s voice was clear and concise.

You looked toward the ground, your nerves feeling tighter than ever, as you struggled with how to put your words together. “You're aware of all that happened in the meeting with Lucifer’s Daughter, right?”

Sera nods her head “of course, all meetings are documented about as they happen.” She tilts her head slightly “What about it?”

“Well!” You steel yourself before continuing “I would like permission to observe Charlie Morningstar’s ‘Hazbin Hotel’”

Sera’s eyes widen, breaking her calm demeanor before giving a firm “No”

“But-“

“It’s too dangerous for you to be there, Adam wouldn’t want that anyways”

“He would listen if it was an order from you!” Your eyes felt watery but you continued “Please Sera… I know you don’t want the extermination to continue. Just let me do this!”

Sera looked away from you, her feelings evident on her face, any mask now down. ‘Just a little more’ you thought

“Sera, I promise you, I’ll be careful! We don’t even have to fully support them yet, just let me observe them. It would be devastating if so many souls parish if we failed to seek all options!” You beg

Sera sighed, shakingly “…I’ll see what I can do.”

Your eyes gleamed up at the tall woman “Sera, thank you, thank you!” You wanted to hug her but out of courtesy, you advised against it.

Sera tells you that she can’t guarantee anything but she will try as she sends you home to rest.

-

A few days past after that and you haven’t heard anything from Sera. It was a little worrying and felt like a bad sign to you. That was, until you were informed by Sera that your request was accepted!

“But.” Sera stops you before you can celebrate “You're only there to keep track of the progress and to make sure nothing is happening under our noses” You nod your head in understanding

“Also…” she pauses “If anything involving this hotel happens, you will have to take full responsibility, understood?”

You nod again “yes I understand. Have you… told Adam yet?”

She shakes her head

“Ok… can you… not tell him it was my idea, please. I don’t think he’d agree if he knew.”

Sera sighs before nodding her head “Very well, I’ll tell him after you leave”

“Thank you.”

-

You return home, when you got back Adam was already gone, Sera must have already called him to the office. You dreaded when he got back. You didn’t want to see him upset, it hurt you to know how worried he was for you.

A few hours later, Adam comes through the door in a panic. He stomps up to you and pulls you into a warm and intense embrace.

“Don’t go down there. I need you here with me” his voice hitches as his wings wrap around you both, curling you both into a warm and feathery ball.

“Adam…” you paused, was this really the best thing to do? No, It had to be. If this goes well, not only will the extermination stop but Adam wouldn’t have to go down to hell ever again.

“Adam, you know I can’t go against Sera’s orders.” You kiss his cheek “and I won’t be gone forever, I’m only supposed to be there till the next cleanse. Not to mention, I’ll always come back to see you.”

Adam grumbled a little “I know, I just… don’t like you being in the same place that bastard is, and in his brat’s stupid hotel! ”

You laugh softly “Adam…” grabbing his hand, you put yours in it, showing off the gold ring on your finger “I’ll never forget my promise. You know that, right?”

Adam looks at the ring, the gold wrapped around your finger with a perfectly snug fit. Everytime he looked at it was just a reminder of your love for him. That promise was something he could never forget. He slowly raises your hand to his LED mask, kissing the back of it. “Of course not.”

“Good. I promise I’ll be fine, ok?”

He nods. Hand in hand, you slowly lead you both to the bed. The both of you lay next to each other, your bodies linked together like knots. You slwoly remove his helmet from his head, laying it on the nightstand.

Your hands move up his body before landing on his face, cupping his cheeks before pulling him to a kiss before snuggling into his chest.

-

Finally it was Time for you to leave. Sera allowed you to create portals back to heaven in case anything happened and you were in need of assistance. Adam walked you to the front gate.

“Ok, do you have everything? You didn’t forget that fucking angelic dagger I had Lute get for you right-“

You shush him “Adam, I told you I’ll be fine!”

He’s sighs “Damn it- I know that but just make sure to text me while your there ok-

You kiss him deeply “Adam. I know, you’ve told me a hundred times.” You smile as you cup his face “I love you”

He sighs “Love you too Sweetcheeks”

With one final kiss, you give Adam a tight hug before waving goodbye as you went through the flaming portal. As you went through, you take a second to look at your surroundings. In front of you was a tall building. You take a few steps back to see LED lights of a sign flashing the words ‘Hazbin Hotel’

You let out a sigh of relief. You had been a tad bit worried you’d spawn somewhere random and you’d have to find the building yourself. But it seems heaven at least spared you of that.

The red skies of hell were quite different from the pristine blue ones of heaven. Even though you just got here, you could already hear the sounds of screams and explosions in the distance. How welcoming.

You steel yourself and with three hard knocks to the door, you wait for someone to open it. Muffled Scurrying sounds of footsteps approach the door before it creaks open revealing the young blond woman in the doorframe, Charlie Morningstar.

“Hi! I’m-“

The door is slammed shut, Before opening again

“Be not afraid-“

It shuts again…

Well, this may be a bit harder than you initially anticipated. You go to knock again only for it to open once more. This time, the door doesn’t close again, instead the girl mutters a quick “Hi” before going quiet.

“Hello! I didn’t mean to scare you!” You give a small laugh before continuing “I believe we met a couple days ago?” You bring your hand towards her for a shake, to which she reciprocates.

“During the meeting with.. Adam? Right?” She grimaced when she mentioned Adam, which you decided to ignore, you simply smiled and nodded. ”but I don’t believe I caught your name?”

You tell her about yourself, about how your there to stay and monitor any progress the hotel may have. You made sure to pronounce ‘may.’ While you were hoping for this idea to show some kind of positive results, even you weren’t sure if it’d would work.

“Charlie? who’s at the door- WhatHolyShit-“ a woman with a red X over her eye suddenly shouts in surprise. You look over at her, She looked very familiar…

“Wait, you are-“

“Vaggie! Charlie’s sinner girlfriend! And you are?!” The woman known as Vaggie, highlighted the word sinner while performing a “be quiet” gesture with her hand. Your eyes widen a little at the ex-Angel in front of you but you simply smile a nod “I’m Y/n, I don’t believe we’ve met, yes?”

Look, lying is the last thing you’d want to do as a citizen of heaven but you figured that it would be fine if it was to protect someone. Vaggie nodded, her face scrunched up in a tense look.

“You feeling ok Vaggie? You’re looking a little… red?”

“I’m fine! *ahem*, Hun, how about you give them a tour of the hotel.”

Charlie gasped “Yes that's perfect, you may as well get acquainted with everyone if you’re going to be here more often!”

Charlie ran off, telling you “this way! This way!” Over and over. Before you went to follow her, you leaned toward Vaggie and said a quick “Relax, I won’t tell anyone.”

She lets out a sigh before muttering “Thank you”

You both follow Charlie as she shows you the various rooms in the hotel before leading you back to the hotel’s lobby and lounge area.

“Hey! Hello everyone!” Charlie’s voice picked up a little “I’d like to introduce you to our uh… new staff member?” You nod in agreement with the title. The room in front of you was shrouded in looks of both horror and amazement.

“What the hell’s an angel doin’ here?” A lanky spider demon spoke up first

“It’sss an ambush! seek Cover!!” The Snake demon shouted, seemingly grabbing an army helmet from thin air before taking a deep dive behind the couch.

“No Pentious-” She sighs “they’re here to monitor the hotel! Heaven sent them to scout any potential progress the hotel will have”

“It’s nice to meet you all” you look at the people in front of you, to say it was a colorful cast would be an understatement.

“These two are our current tenants of the hotel! Angel dust and Sir Pentious!”

The snake slithered slowly from behind the couch up to you, while the Spider demon remained rested on the couch

“Oh… *ahem* Excuse me dear! I am Sir. Pentious! Formally known as ‘the Architect of destruction’!” He laughs, a slight hiss sounding in his voice.

He offers a handshake which you accept. To which you immediately regret. ‘ Slimey’ you thought, before wiping your, now wet hand on your clothes.

The spider demon, who you now know as Angel Dust, just gives a wave with one of his 4 arms.

“And-“ Charlie extends the word as she quickly walk to a bar by the entrance “this is the recreational area, run by our Bartender, Husk!”

The winged bartender seemed entirely uninterested in your presence or even Charlie’s. The most you got was a small glance before he takes a swig of his alcohol and walks off.

“He’s not the most… social guy in hell” she awkwardly laughs before moving on to the next person. “And this is Nifty, our one and only maid at the hotel! Nifty say hi.”

The short woman scurried moved around you, her eye quickly looking at every every nook and cranny of you as she moved. She made numerous attempts to touch and grab various things on you, your clothes, wings, and eventually she tried to climb up you to get to your halo. That’s when you finally grabbed her in place “you're a… fast one, huh? Nice to meet you!”

“And last but not least! This is Alastor, the hotel’s executive producer and our first -and only- overlord sponsor!”

Immediately, you could tell there was something off about Alastor. The entire aura he gave off was as if he was restraining something completely and utterly ungodly. The static that surrounded him was just one of many whispers you could hear from his soul.

“Hello! It’s quite a pleasure to meet someone of your… holy status!” He offers a hand to which you, hesitantly, shake. “And what do we owe the pleasure for your service?”

“They’re going to be here to keep track of the progress of the hotel…” Charlie paused “you know I’m starting to sound like a broken record- here, it’s late, how about we all get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning!”

“Fine by me, I am waaay too sober to be having social interaction this late” Angel picks himself up and stretches “I’m gonna hit the hay”

“Here I’ll show you to your room!” Charlie smiles “We -obviously- didn’t have time to make your own so I hope you don’t mind using one of the guest rooms” she laughs

She and Vaggie walks you to your new room before leaving you be, The room was nothing more than just your average hotel room. Of course it did have its differences, a multitude of… eyes seem to be on the wall, staring at you. Well, that’s not the least alarming.

You place your stuff down and begin unpacking, you mostly just brought the basics. Clothes, hygiene stuff, your phone, and, most importantly, a framed photo of Adam.

You sat the photo on your nightstand, angling it just right so that it would always be visible to you. As you do so, you think about the memory the photo brings, you took it on one of the first dates you went on with Adam. It was a relatively tame date, you and Adam, having a picnic by a lake at night. You brought candles so you both weren’t completely in the dark, and you just loved the way he looked, his golden eyes watching the water. The dim candle light illuminating his face with a warm golden shade. Adam hates photos of him with his mask off but… You just had to keep that moment in time forever.

*Ding* *Ding* *Ding*

Speak of the- well, you know the rest. The bright light from the phone comes with the notification sound displaying Adam in bold letters. You smile as you read his messages.

Dixkmaster69

Heyy Sweetcheeks, it’s been a bit since you left

You there??

Fucking answer

You let out a small laugh at Adam’s barrage of messages. He’s not used to you being away from him for more than a day, huh? Not that you could blame him, this is honestly nothing compared to how you feel each year he has to do the extermination.

Sweetcheeks

Hey love

Everything’s fine, I’m ok.

Aside from not having you with me :’(

Dixkmaster69

Fucking finally

You know you don’t have to do this

If I bitch enough to Sera I can get you back by tomorrow

Sweetcheeks

Please don’t, Sera already has enough on her plate.

I promise I’m going to be fine

I’ll be back before you know it.

Dixkmaster69

I know

This shit just worries me

Gonna miss hearing your sexy ass voice at night too ;)

You blush at the message before sighing. Whenever you or Adam approached a topic that made him uncomfortable, he would always try to change the subject to something that made him feel better. You knew why, Adam’s someone who rarely talked about his feelings, even after all these eons together that was something he hadn’t changed. You knew exactly what he needed, even if he didn’t explicitly tell you.

Sweetcheeks

I already miss yours too <3

Do you want to help me fall asleep with that heavenly voice of yours on the phone?

Dixkmaster69

Whatever you want Sweetcheeks <3

You smile when, almost immediately, Adam begins calling your phone. You click the lights off before You make your way in your new bed, not even bothering to change out of the clothes you’ve been wearing. You grab the cover and pull it over you and tapping the answer button.

“Sup”

You yawn “Hey handsome, I missed your voice”

You hear his voice hitch before he caused on “Of course you did, no one has a better voice than the dick master. But uh, yours is a close second”

You’re let out a tired giggle, “such a charmer, you. How’s your day been huh?”

“Oh! don’t even get me started on that- Lute took me to get some ribs to ‘calm my nerves’ or some shit and they had me, ME, wait in line for like 15 minutes! The fucking audacity!”

You smile to yourself as Adam tells you about his day, the sound of his voice was like a sweet lullaby to your ears and you couldn’t get enough of it. But eventually…

“And then when I got home, I couldn’t find my damn charger and it took me like 40 fuckin’ minutes to realize it was under our bed, do you have any idea of how it keeps getting there?” He waits for you to respond only to be met with silence. “Uh bitch, I’m talking to you.”

More silence… well no, actually if Adam focused on listening, he could hear the faint sound of your snoring from the phone. Adam sighs,”Long day, huh?”

Adam lays back in your shared bed, getting comfortable. He sets the phone beside him, plugging it in while keeping it on speaker. He yawns, “Goodnight Sweetheart, can’t wait to see you again”

Slowly, the soft sounds of both yours and Adam’s snores filled each others rooms, a distant, but intimate connection. Even in slumber, you couldn’t stop thinking of your handsome and caring soulmate.

[r0-boat]

Lucifer headcanons PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS (Maybe what most citizens of hell think of him? And how they and the kings react when mc gets close to him?) PLSPLSPLSPLSPLS

I'm not confident in my Lucifer headcanon's since I wrote that Lucifer breeding fic but heeeeeere hhhhh

Lucifer headcannons

NSFW&SFW

Lucifer was once an angel and as angels the assistance of God they help make humans and devils so it would make sense that Lucifer one of God's most prized angels would know a fair amount of human and devil anatomy.

Perhaps he became Hell's greatest doctor because he felt guilt of how much useless slaughter he and his brothers did. So, instead of killing, he wanted to help. And his subordinates, supportive of his dream, became healers and doctors with him.

However, he is still the demon of pride, and he wants to be your primary care doctor, and he will not sway his will. The Kings really don't fight him on this because, well, he is the right person to trust with your health.

My most favorite headcanon (and probably the least true, to be honest) is that since his fall, he is slowly learning about sex and sexual attraction. And you are playing a heavy hand on corrupting him, and he loves it. He was a pious angel; though not perfect to many of his brethren, he was considered highly regarded. And now look at him, fucking you till you cry in an act so obscene that it would make his brothers weep. Corruption kink Lucifer. Go brrr.

He wants to corrupt you, just like you corrupt him, but how do you corrupt someone who is already sinful filth/affectionate

Lucifer sees you as the perfect partner to try sexual acts with because he trusts you the most, and he likes you. That goes without saying. Unbeknownst to you, Lucifer is a fast learner. Once you teach him how to pleasure you, the next thing you know, he'll be making you writhe and scream.

Lucifer is a little bitey during sex. Especially when he is about to come, he clenches his teeth before to stop himself from sinking his fangs into your neck, but he can't help it. He needs to feel your soft skin in his mouth. His favorite places to bite are your neck and your thighs, other than your tears and your cum,. Your blood is the third favorite taste.

Lucifer is on the more serious side; jokes tend to bounce off his head. Especially ones made by younger devils... So much so that he gets angry when anyone mentions any word he cannot understand.

As the demon of pride it is his way or the highway. He can break any rule he wants but you, less you want to be a brat (please do He likes to punish). You may not break any rules of his.

Lucifer is as caring and gentle as he is strict; your tears frighten him just as much as it arouses him. He doesn't want to see you cry if it's not from pleasure. His gaze will grow soft, his voice deep and gentle, calling you cooing as he wipes away your tears.

He still has that little bit of animosity toward you He knows it is not your fault. He tells you straight up that it's because he is an angel. Even though most of it is mostly gone, he still gets a slight sickly pleasure from making you cry; He can't help it. He's a little bit of a sadist when he comes to you.

Everyone knows what Lucifer's penmanship looks like but no one can fucking read it. It's a mess of This is the most doctor shit you've ever seen. To you it just looks like an L and a squiggle written in a shimmering gold font (expensive fountain pen gift from Mammon)

Mammon likes Lucifer in a sort of "ooh, that man is pretty; never had an angel in my collection before." Where when Lucifer sees Mammon, it's mainly with Satan, so his first reaction is "God damn it not again."

He still calls you child of Adam or child of man And he still apologizes for it.

Lucifer is quite the romantic despite now becoming a devil, he thinks that hellborn devils should learn that sex is much sweeter when the tension is right. Basically his version of "these youngsters are still young SMH"

Lucifer unironically likes Twilight.

Lucifer texts like he is a character AI bot with perfect English and punctuation. Good luck trying to text him back because he knows nothing about text slang.

You annoy him so much and he loves it. You're so cute please keep pissing him off he'll still love you even when he kicks you out. He literally can't stay mad at you.

He's wondering how the fuck are you still alive You've been wondering that yourself all these years. Maybe that's why you so protective over your health now.

Dads you a lot. "You have to eat this finish your food it's healthy. Blah blah blah- too much screen time is bad for your eyes." "Blah blah blah-humans should get at least 8 hours of sleep Go to bed- blah blah blah." "Stop eating shitty foods and actually cook a decent meal-blah blah blah." at this point, calling him Daddy is becoming less of a joke.

Also Lucifer: buys you chocolates, takes you to fancy dinners.

Lucifer hates being called Daddy. And he hates that he's starting to like it; please stop.

[lxkeee]

END GAME

PART TWO

pairing: lucifer x fallen angel! fem! reader

fandom: hazbin hotel

genre: fluff

warnings: no warnings yet.

notes: very feral for this man and this is multishot fic and would be writing a smut for this. Reader is close to his age (probably a hundred years younger but meh)

additional notes: just because there are moments where Lucifer seems to be flustered or like mesmerized by the reader, it doesn't mean he already has a crush. It just means that he's been alone for so long that anyone who's gorgeous would make him get flustered cuz it's been awhile since he socialized with others lmfao. I am planning to make their relationship slowly bloom cuz why not?

PART ONE | PART THREE

“The name's Lucifer Morningstar, welcome to hell.” the light blond haired man said with slight smile and [y/n] can feel her jaw dropped. This is the first fallen angel? The king of hell? Very pale skin, short stature, pink cheeks, attractive. [Y/n] believes that the stories from ancient heavenly scrolls didn't do him any justice.

Lucifer just gave her a small toothy grin as he watched the awe look on her face as he leans his body against the door frame, crossing his arms as he looked at her. “You're Lucifer...?” she asked softly, looking at him with slight doubt and he nodded, “Indeed I am darling.” he replied with a grin, almost a smirk.

“You're much shorter than I thought you would be.” [y/n] says looking at him and Lucifer felt like an arrow was shot into his heart, if she stood next to him it would be guaranteed that she'll be looking down on him literally, “Though, I do believe that the heavenly scrolls did not do you any justice. You are prettier than how the scrolls describe you to be.” she says with a grin, crossing her arms on her chest as Lucifer just looked at her, blinking slowly as the red of his cheeks darkened slightly.

I swear to me, why is she so bold? He asked himself mentally.

He cleared his throat before eventually looking back at her, “Are you normally this bold to strangers?” he asked with a deadpan and [y/n] snorted a little, “Usually, I'm more.” she replied and Lucifer had to take a deep breather as he mumbled “Jesus...” underneath his breath making the woman chuckle.

[y/n] haven't paid him any mind, chuckling slightly to see the ruler of hell to be easily flustered. “I assumed you healed me? How long was I out?” she asked him, deciding to stop teasing the poor man. Lucifer managed to calm himself down, adjusting the collar to his suit, “Yes, you have crashed into my front yard but don't mind about it. You've been in a coma for almost... Three weeks.” he replied before eventually walking towards her and sat on the bed. His expression softened as his hand grazed over her shoulder blades, “They really cut off your wings...” he muttered softly and she just sighed, “Indeed they did.”

Deciding not to make her uncomfortable, he removed his hand from her shoulders, “If you don't mind me asking, what happened?” he asked and she gently lied down on to the bed, avoiding his gaze.

“Heaven was suffocating. Too many rules and I began to question them.” she replied softly and Lucifer just nodded in understanding, “I would probably have been bearable if I was allowed to punch Adam occasionally but nope.” she jokes slightly, making the light blond haired fallen angel chuckle, “Indeed.” he says softly making the woman giggle. Lucifer then gave her a raised eyebrow, “I think now's the time I catch the name of the person I took care of for almost three weeks. Hmm?” he asked with a slight hum. [Y/n] smiled before returning back to her sitting position, extending her hand for a handshake, “My name is [Y/n] [l/n], it is a pleasure to meet you.” she says and Lucifer smiled and held her hand and gave her knuckle a chaste kiss, “The pleasure is all mine.”

[y/n] just chuckles as he lets go of her hand, “As expected, you really are charming.” she says making Lucifer laugh slightly, “Thank you, now.” he says before clapping his hands together, “Since you are new here, I assume that you don't have anywhere to stay. How about you work for me? You are a fallen angel so I know you are powerful. So what do you say?” he asked, extending his hand with a slight smirk. [Y/n] looked at his hand with a raised eyebrow and with a small teasing smile.

“A deal with the devil...? What's the catch?” she asked, crossing her arms making Lucifer chuckle, “This isn't the usual deal where you sell your soul to me, that kind of deal requires a contract with your signature of consent. This is just a normal deal for you to work and be my assistant while getting a place to stay in return.” he explained, despite the smirk on his face, [y/n] cannot sense deception from the man. She sighs before eventually shaking his hand.

“You got yourself a deal, Lucifer.” she says making the king of hell smirk, “You won't regret it.”

end notes: and I worked like a doggg day and night 😭

[remember-the-fanfics]

Earthborn (Hazbin Hotel Reader Insert)

Oh geez this made me realize I have religious trama while writing this.

Spoilers if you haven't actually watched hazbin hotel.

Also apparently the characters are taalll. Minus Niffty

Just test on how I'll write hazbin hotel so to be continued or not

"Go fuck yourself pompous prick!" (Y/n) yelled at Adam, their anger getting to them.

"Don't speak to me like that! You came from me!" He responded. "You are alive because I fucked-."

"Up, yeah I know. Being God's chosen people, Adam and Eve. Cast out after eating the apple, had two sons and one killed the other. Blah blah, I was raised in church." They told him. "And in a club in elementary school about the Bible so I know a bunch."

Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other in confusion, (Y/n) never talked about these parts of their past.

"Then why are you arguing with me?!"

"Because if you get to be here after getting banished from the garden by God himself then I see no reason why Sinners that want change themselves to get shouldn't." (Y/n) said staring at Adam with their arms crossed.

The Angels watching started to whisper to themselves.

"(Y/n), you know why you are here." Said Sara. "Please do not get involved with the next issue until we get to that."

(Y/n) looked way up to where Sara and Emily were seated. "Very well, apologizes I just wanted to get that out of the way." They bowed while speaking before standing straight. "...This is probably has to do in how I've been in hell?"

"Yes, (Y/n) (Middle Name) (L/n), you are still earthborn, not yet a sinner or a winner, have been in hell for just less than a year. How did you get there?"

Shocked faces across the room from everyone minus (Y/n), who looked uncomfortable with being called their full name.

"(Y/n) is that true?" Asked Charlie, surprised at the information. She knew (Y/n) didn't look like a sinner, kept a more humanoid look than most and was shorter than most of the people at the hotel.

"Yeah, I'm still human or well Earthborn as it was called. I didn't tell any of you since I didn't want you to worry." (Y/n) told Charlie look at her and Vaggie. "How did you even know?" They asked the Seraphim in charge. "I have an... okay disguise." Looking at themselves, with pointy ears,sharper teeth, and their eyes were not a normal color. They atleast didn't look human enough to question.

"We can tell by your soul. It still shows your the weight of your sins or what not. Not like I forget what one of my millions of too many great-grandchildren look like." Said Adam and with a grin and a snap of his fingers, (Y/n) felt the necklace they wore break in peices as the magic it held broke with it.

"I would rather be dead than be related to you, prick." (Y/n) said with deadpan look.

"It took awhile to realize you weren't just a weird sinner soul so we told Sara when we noticed all of you earlier." Said Lute, finally butting in before Adam could argue again.

"(Y/n) how did you get into hell?" Sara asked again, tried of this again.

"Not sure? Its kinda just a blank space between being on earth and then in hell." They answered with a shrug. "I found someone to help me somewhat look the part and then Vaggie found me while I was wondering around."

The earthborn was complete being too nonchalant with being in hell.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about not being from hell?" Asked Emily, earning a look from Sara.

"Well I mean at first for safety and then to keep anyone from worried about me? I'm kinda more... fragile compared to anyone else since demons and sinner have... an easier time getting up from a normal serious injury than I would." (Y/n) having to think of what they said before they actually saying it.

"I threw you off a building into a fight, how did you survive that?" Questioned Vaggie.

"Well Angel Dust caught me slash soften the fall and I mostly hide until Husk picked me up to leave."

"Why have you been helping Priness Charlie Morningstar with her project even when you are earthborn?" Asked Sara.

"Because it's a good cause? If I was a sinner I would want the hotel to be there to even give me a small chance to get into heaven even if you all don't believe in it. It's a humane way of handling the population down there. If redemption can happen to people while they are alive, why wouldn't it happen while they are dead and in hell? As along as they put in the effort to be good person, they should be a good person."

"If you know the words of the Bible why didn't you spread it down there?"

"Because being pushy to the wrong person could end me? And they really don't really think highly of you all. Plus for me if you heard how people like me would end up there for something out of their control, I would have trama with it."

"Why are you talking about it now if you have an issue with the Bible and God?" Questioned Adam.

"Oh, mostly because I'm pissed off. I don't have an issue with God, at all. It's people with opinions that wrote the book that got translated to many time with out checking by people who also had opinions. The Bible is.. fine. Heck, I didn't even knew there was a Lilith involved until Charlie told me."

(Y/n) sighed, taking a deep breath.

"What's gonna happen now? Are you going to kill me? Actual make me a sinner? Send me back making seem crazy or thinking this is all a weird dream until I actually die?" They asked. "Because if you send me back crazy, I'm gonna actually kill myself."

"No! Let's not do that, please." Pleded Emily to Sara, scared for (Y/n)'s safety.

"Of course, I wouldn't want you to do that." Said Sara.

"Because the Bible says it's a sin or because you actually don't want me too?" Questioned (Y/n), they were tired of this.

"They could become an Exorcists, it would be funny." Said Adam, laughing at the thought of (Y/n) killing their friends.

"How many times do I have to tell you I would rather die than be anything associated with you?"

"You're soul has yet to be judged but you've seen more than any earthborn have seen in many decades. You could stay in heaven as Winner or angel. We could send you back to earth. Which would you want to do?"

"I want to continue to help Charlie see this though." Said (Y/n).

"Your soul would be damned forever, (Y/n) as a sinner. I would not let that happen to any earthborn in your place in good conscious."

"Then send me back as I am. When I die, wherever that may be judged me as I will be."

"(Y/n), you're too young for-."

"It's Hell, I know but it can be nice when you get use to it just like Earth. Please just let me help until I'm ready to go home."

"...Very well, I'll give you till a month time to sort this out for yourself."

Gives you enough time to help for get set for extermination.

[thestarrynightslover]

Maybe We Could Do It Again

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 4,632

Warnings: bickering and fluff.

Summary: Jay meets the Reader as they’re both babysitting Makayla for Adam and Kim and they end up tangled up on the ground and kissing.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way, or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: Okay, so this is one of the longest fics I’ve written, which might be a little too long but I hope you guys like it and feel free to send feedback! By the way, this is the first time I insert Burzek in one of my fics but I think I got their energy right ;)

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

“Oh my God, Adam! I can’t believe that even when you’re not supposed to do something you get it wrong!” Kim yelled at her boyfriend.

“What the hell-” He even tried to respond but got immediately interrupted for his bad language.

“Adam!” She hissed again, not believing how he could still curse so much now that the two of them had a child in the house.

“Sorry, sorry!” He said, nervously raising his hands, as Kim already peeked through the kitchen doors to see Jay and Makayla pretend like they hadn’t been listening to every word of their conversation in the living room. “It’s just… I remember you specifically telling me to find someone to babysit the kid, so I did it! How is it possible that I’m the one who-”

“Yes! I did ask you two to do that! On Monday! And do you remember what you told me?” He didn’t dare to say anything. “Oh, no? Because I do! I remember you saying, and I quote:” she said, even making finger quotes to emphasize the whole thing, “‘Where the hell am I supposed to find a babysitter for Makayla? None of my friends have any experience with kids!’” Kim shoved it in his face, making a very good point for herself. But, as usual, Adam decided to go against any sign of good judgment and continue to defend himself. He knew he could never let Kim in on it, but Jay himself was one of those who had already heard the officer saying how much he loved bickering with his girlfriend and getting her all fired up against him.

“No, uh! That won’t cut it! You told me, and I quote: ‘Then hire someone! I don’t know! But you’re the one who came up with the date night idea, so don’t come and throw something that should be your responsibility on my shoulders!’, so I knew that I needed to find someone! Kev and Vanessa are visiting his siblings this weekend, so I thought: why not Jay? He’s good with kids, and he offered to help us with Makayla!” Adam concluded, absolutely proud of himself while Kim just rolled her eyes.

“Oh. My. God!!! You do know he didn’t mean that literally, don’t you?” She was already fuming by that point.

“Err-” He had to admit that he’d never stopped to think about that possibility…

“No one means that literally!!” She shouted, this time, making even the neighbors hear their arguing. “No one means that literally, and, now, you’re just making us both look like the cops who can’t take care of their own kid in front of the entire unit.” She stated, in a lower, tone while pinching the bridge of her nose.

“But this is not the entire unit! This is Jay! Our friend Jay, who had offered!” Adam stood by that argument and Kim had already opened her mouth to shoot a remark back when Jay came into the kitchen.

“Makayla’s distracted with the tv.” He started with that so that they wouldn’t be worried. “Uh... Guys, Kim, you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone about this, okay? I won’t. Besides, I did mean what I said before. I’m here to help. Whatever you guys need. Plus, for someone who had plans of watching a game rerun alone at home on a Friday night, babysitting that cute little girl is almost like hitting a jackpot!” Jay assured, giving them a small smile and shiny eyes headed towards Makayla’s direction. Babysitting a kid, when he was probably never gonna have one of his own, was one of the things that he, personally, missed the most about when Will and Natalie were together. Back when Lindsay lived in Chicago, he used to be sure that, someday, he was gonna find someone. Settle down. Build a family. But, now… After everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but feel like his time to do all that had run out. So, instead of mooning over it, he could gladly babysit Makayla.

“Well, um, thank you, Jay,” Kim started, nervously tucking a string of hair behind her ear, “that’s really nice to hear. And we very much appreciate it. But-” She didn’t get a chance to finish as the doorbell rang and Adam rushed towards the apartment’s entrance to prevent his very excited little girl from opening the door by herself. When he got there, followed by the other two adults, Makayla was already standing on her tiptoes, hand-in-handle.

“Hey! Watcha doing, you little adventurous?!” Adam asked while picking her up from the floor and tickling her sides, which made her become a giggling mess. “You can’t just open the door like that, darlin’! You gotta check on the peephole first,” he said, as he lifted her up enough so that she could look through the hole, “like this. See someone?”

“Yes! It’s (y/n/n)!” She squealed out. “Can we open the door now? Please, Adam?” Makayla asked, shooting him pleading eyes, while her body buzzed with happiness.

“Ah, (y/n/n), right,” Adam said simply, opening the door and fearing that Kim would want to restart the whole discussion with him.

“Hey, princess!” And that simple greeting was all it took for Makayla to throw herself from Adam’s arms straight to yours. “Wow,” you laughed at her sudden movement, which had caused you to lose your balance a little, “you excited to see me?”

“Yes!! Did you bring the bakings???” She asked you eagerly, bakings being what she called your cooking utensils.

“No, not today!” Your answer made her face, almost immediately, turn into a sad frown. “But I brought this!” You told her while lifting up a box that read ‘karaoke set’, above a few drawings of a microphone and musical notes. Seeing that, Makayla’s saddened expression shifted in two seconds, eyes lighting up.

“Look, Kim!” The little girl shrieked, more than ready to have what she already knew was about to be the time of her life.

“Yeah, I see that! Seems like you girls are gonna have a blast…” Your friend weirdly trailed off, as her mind tried to find a quick solution to the mess her boyfriend had made.

“Uh…” Was all that a very handsome man you hadn’t met yet managed to let out.

“Jay, um, this is my best friend (y/n). (y/n/n), this is our friend from work Jay. I’m sorry about the mess, guys, it’s Adam’s fault.” Kim spoke again, bluntly accusing her boyfriend.

“My fault??? Are you kidding??? You told me to find someone to watch Makayla 'cause you didn’t want us to keep bothering (y/n)!”

“Guys! It’s no bother at all, really. Hanging out with this little princess is in my best interest, believe me!” You said, quickly defending your case.

“Well, thanks for saying that, (y/n/n). What happened here is that Adam told me he wouldn’t be able to get anyone,” Kim started while shooting daggers into her boyfriend with her bare eyes. “So, since I wasn’t about to just wait for a miracle, I called and asked you to do it. But someone didn’t think about telling me that he had already gotten Jay to come. And now you’re both here, ugh!” She finished, rather dramatically, while pointing a finger at Adam.

That was, seriously, the best couple you knew when it came to bickering.

“Okay, so, um, it’s not gonna be any trouble. I can leave since your colleague got here first and you don’t need to be stressed on your date night, friend.” You tried to bring things to a peaceful ending before Kim turned it into a murder scene.

“Oh, I do need to be stressed! I need to-” She started to debate but got cut off by Makayla’s cute pleading voice:

“But you can’t leave, (y/n/n)! We’re gonna play karaoke!” The little girl clearly had already gotten worked up by your idea for the night.

“Makayla, baby, please don’t be difficult. You hang out with (y/n/n) all the time, and uncle Jay is already here…” You watched as Adam tried to reason with his daughter while she held you really tight.

“No, uh…” Their friend started to say. Was it too weird for you to be thinking about how incredibly cute he looked when scratching the back of his neck like that? “Relax, man, I can go. I bet that you’re gonna have a lot more fun with her than with me, anyways, Mak.” He completed, talking to your little friend with a sweet smile, to which she reacted with a confused frown.

“But- but why does Jay have to leave? Can’t he play karaoke with us, (y/n/n)?” Makayla asked you poutingly.

“Now that’s something I’d like to see!” Adam started to mock but stopped when Kim punched him in the arm. “Ouch! That hurt, you know?”

“I know! That was exactly the result I was hoping for!” She squealed out sarcastically, “Makayla, honey, you can’t just ask both (y/n/n) and Jay to play karaoke, of all things, with you.” It was lovely to watch Kim interacting so patiently with her kid but the young girl still didn’t seem to understand.

“But why???”

“Well, they don’t know each other, Makayla.” Kim tried again but Mak still wasn’t ready to give it up.

“But they know me!” 

“Good luck explaining now, ma.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, all of you 𑁋 Adam himself included 𑁋 knew what was coming, fortunately, Kim just punched him in the arm again.

“You know, guys, you don’t need to fight over something like this, okay? Uh… Since he’s your coworker, I’m gonna assume that he’s one of the good guys, therefore I wouldn’t really have a problem with hanging out with him…” You said because you were never one to say no to little kids. “I mean if that’s okay with you, too, officer…”

“It’s detective, actually. But you can call me Jay, uh, (y/n), right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Well, I don’t have any problems with hanging out with you either,” Jay said and, Jesus, was that really his smile? “I mean, Mak should get all the babysitters she wants!” He told her with a wink. It was official. You were so done for the night.

“Ha!” Kim nervously let out a laugh, “let’s go easy there, cowboy! You can’t just come into my house offering the kid everything she wants.”

“Okay, okay,” the detective started to say with a gesture of surrender while the couple started to get out of the house to give you the space to properly go in. “Sorry ‘bout that, ma!” You could have sworn that you saw him tremble 𑁋 just a little 𑁋 under the deadly gaze your friend sent his way. Adam, who seemed to be off the hook for the first time that night, took the moment to laugh and hope that his girl would forget she had been so mad at him.

“C’mon, darling. Let’s get going before we decide it isn’t very safe to leave Mak with those two.”

"Yeah… I'm already deciding that but maybe they'll prove us wrong." Kim said, voice absolutely faithless. "You behave, Makayla!"

"It's more than obvious that she's going to be the best tonight. Get outta here already!" You heard Jay yelling a little in response to her, as you and Makayla started to get the karaoke set up.

But you, being the lucky person you were, obviously couldn't find your way around your friend's old stuff.

"Uh, you need any help there?"

“No! No, not all! Um, I got this!” You quickly responded because you could be pretty skeptical when it came to admitting your weaknesses and, from your point of view, not getting a simple karaoke set to work was a huge one.

“Alright, then…”

“Are you sure you don’t want Jay to help, (y/n/n)?” Mak asked, sounding way more reasonable than you, the actual adult there.

“Um, err, I guess maybe I could use some help… It’s just that this TV setup is quite different from mine…” You said, still unwilling to let how confused you were really show.

“Yeah, I can help!” you heard Jay as he left his spot in the corner of the room. “I was just ordering us pizza but I can totally help out 'cause Adam and I actually shopped for these TVs together, so I have the same one!” He said, this time, already gently getting the device from your hands before you could even react, which was probably him sensing that you wouldn’t give it up so easily, like he could see right through you.

“Okay, well, since you already ordered the pizza, I’ll go make us some juice.” As you said that you got both of your companions making weird faces at you, so you amended: “Or not, because you already ordered soda too… Just keep in mind that if Kim gets mad because of all the junk food that kid is eating, I’m telling on you, detective!” You said, making a point to stare right into his eyes 𑁋 God, they were so beautiful, was there nothing but beauty in this man’s body?

“Okay, so I think we’re all good here with the karaoke! Who wants to go first?” Hearing that you came of your very dangerous thoughts and Makayla jumped up and down, screaming:

“Me! Me! Me!”

“Alright, little lady, then come pick a song!” Jay told her and stood by to help her with her choice.

About three hours later all three of you had already sung your hearts out 𑁋 Jay having had gone for ABBA, which surprised you and Mak, to say the least 𑁋 eaten lots of pizza, drunk lots of soda and had begun watching a movie, cause you told Jay that that always did the trick when it came to Mak falling asleep. But, God, it was hard to pay attention to the movie you were supposed to be watching when sitting next to a guy like that. And he wasn’t just really handsome. He was sweet and kind and funny. Also, he was so good with Makayla. It was like everything you’d always imagined the perfect man being like was right there, reunited in the detective’s goof self. But you couldn't be thinking those thoughts about him. Not when he was so close. And definitely not when your best friend's daughter was lying on both of your laps.

So, in order to calm your thoughts for a minute, you gently put Makayla’s head on a cushion as you got up 𑁋 because she was already asleep 𑁋, and said I’m gonna get started on cleaning over there.” It was indeed necessary since Mak had dropped all of the content of a big ice cream container near the dining table, the ice cream being very sticky and sort of liquid 𑁋 which was obviously beyond your understanding but who were you to judge Kim and her preferences? 

"Oh God, lemme help you!" You heard Jay saying, as he quickly made his way from the corridor over to where you were cleaning the floor, by the dining table.

"Ah, there's no need for it. I'm used to spending time with Mak, and, then, cleaning up before Kim sees it." You told him with a sly smile.

"Ha! Well, I don't doubt it! You're really good with her."

"And she's really good at making giant messes."

"Right." He said, chuckling lightly. "But, this time, I bet you felt like there were two kids, huh?"

"Your words, not mine, detective."

"Anyways, I'll help. Don't tell Kim and Adam, cause they might spread it across the district, but I'm actually pretty good at cleaning. Especially, when compared to someone who's doing such a lousy job." At that, you instantly snapped your head in his direction.

"What did you just say?" You asked, pretending to be mad while standing up and raising your sponge, as if it was a weapon you were threatening him with.

"Uh… Uh, d- did you know that pulling a weapon on a cop is a crime?" He asked, trying to play along, but stuttering a little.

"And what are you gonna do?" Now that Makayla was asleep… "Huh? Arrest me?" Jesus Christ, you definitely weren't thinking straight, you thought as you watched Jay drop his mop, also spilling all the soapy water on the floor. He even motioned to take care of it but stopped when he realized that you were, now, standing closer. Closer than it was safe for him to be near a woman like you. So he decided to take a step backward, not remembering the floor situation and slipping. As a reflex, you grabbed his shirt when you were obviously not gonna be able to prevent him from falling.

So, you ended up falling with him. On top of him. Oh God, was that living room always so hot? Your thoughts were cut off by Jay's laugh, it was an open-mouthed laugh, just like when you two were interacting with Makayla. He didn't seem to be the kind of guy who got to laugh too much, especially given his job. But it definitely suited his features. His smile, that bright, was so beautiful.

"So you're seriously not even gonna try and get up? Just gonna stay there staring?" Hearing that, you blushed instantly, because you hadn't even realized you were staring.

"Ah, uh… Right." Now, that was your turn to stutter, and Jay was loving every second of it. He thought you looked absolutely adorable like that. Even more so than you had looked all night.

But you weren't feeling adorable at all. You were embarrassed. By the situation at hand, sure, but, also, by your entire behavior that had, pretty much, gotten the two of you in that position. What was going through your head? The answer was simple: nothing. Or, better yet, Jay's gorgeous face, body, and behavior. Just, Jay being gorgeous all night. Now, what really made you wanna dig a hole and jump right into it was when you tried to get up but the floor was so slippery that you just fell back on him.

Needless to say, he was having a playfield. Laughing like there was no tomorrow. In fact, he had relaxed completely under you, laying his head on the soaked floor.

"You know what? This is pretty comfortable. I think I'll stay right here." It was official: you had no self-shame.

"Are you serious?" He asked, trying hard to hold back from laughing.

"Look, I don't know what else to do, okay? And my brain is clearly affected by your little charm, because I just keep mortifying myself over and over-"

"So you think I'm charming, huh?" Damn it. A thousand times damn it.

"Uh… That's not exactly what I-" You couldn't finish your sentence, as Jay started pulling you even closer to him. Kissing you. Oh boy, how he kissed you…

"Oh. My. God." Both you and Jay jumped away from each other, as much as you could, the second you heard Kim say that, her being followed suit by Adam:

"What the hell is that?!?" He half-asked, half-barked at the both of you, trying hard to not burst into laughter.

"Uh, it's, um, it's not what you're thinking, guys-"

"It's not what I'm thinking?!?" Yeah… It was safe to say that Kim was pissed. "Are you sure it isn't? Because the image actually seemed pretty self-explanatory to me!" As the both of you just kept working out a way to get up from the floor, she continued: "I come back home thinking that everything was gonna be perfect because my daughter had two adults babysitting her! People that I thought were quite responsible but, then, I come home to find those very adults making out on the floor in my living room! My very dirty living room! And, by the way, where the hell is Makayla?"

"She, um, she's in her bedroom. Asleep." Jay finally spoke. "And, about the mess… We were just, uh…"

"Yeah, man, we saw what you were just doing," Adam said, looking like he was having the time of his life.

"No! That's not what he was gonna say-"

"Ah, so the two of you got along so well that now you even know what he was going to say, (y/n)?" Kim said, while glaring at you.

"All I meant was that, well, the place got a little dirty…" Jay started to explain but not fast enough.

"A little???" Kim was really, really mad, you realized.

"But dinner was great!" At that, both you and Kim just stared at him incredulously while Adam started laughing on his way to the kitchen.

"That's what you were going to say???" You ask him, not believing you'd just tried to defend him for some joke. "Kim, I'm sorry things ended up this unfruitful…" You began to tell your best friend, to try and patch things up, when Adam chipped in from the other room.

"You know, darling, Jay wasn't wrong! This pizza is great!" He barked, mouth full. And that's what got Kim to go over the edge.

"Don't you realize what just happened here, Adam??? And, you two! I still haven't heard an explanation on what the hell I just saw!"

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry! We were cleaning up and then it just-"

"It just what, (y/n)??? It just happened? That what you were gonna say?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, it is! It just happened because you and your boyfriend made me babysit with this ridiculously hot guy and I'm human! Now, before you have another crisis, Makayla didn't see anything and I'm leaving because I just humiliated myself more than enough for a lifetime!" With that said, and your flight or flee instinct activated — cause you were never much of a fighter —, you did the smartest thing possible and stormed out of there, hoping to be able to get into some sort of protection program for embarrassment victims.

Meanwhile, Adam and Kim simply had to laugh, even more so when they noticed Jay's shocked twinkling expression.

"Jay! What is wrong with you?" Kim asked, taking him out of his daze.

"What?"

"Go after her! If I hadn't been so upset about the circumstances, I would've been the first one to say that what happened over there?" She asked, pointing to the floor. "What happened there was hot." The officer finished her trail of thought bluntly, as if it was the most obvious thing.

"But… What about your living room?" Jay asked, still unsure of what to do.

"Are you kidding me? Look, Halstead, if you promise not to break her heart… I won't hold it against you." Kim stated, making her stance on the whole matter very clear. She thought it was a good way to start apologizing to you after freaking out like that.

"Uh, uh, alright!" The detective rambled, looking like he had no idea of what to do next.

“Go!” With that last push, he left his friends’ house to go try and get the girl.

“You know, this is quite a mess but they do have the potential to be a great couple!” Adam happily pointed out, as he kept eating all he could find.

“Ha! If she’s as lucky as I am…” Kim ironically muttered, as she watched her boyfriend impolitely shoving food in his mouth.

“Then she’s a very lucky lady!” He confidently stated with a grin while all Kim could do was laugh at his messy childish ways.

Outside burzek's apartment — burzek being the ship name you used to tease Kim and Adam with —, you had been slowly walking towards the subway. You wanted to move faster but your mind was too full at the moment. And, sometimes, when you needed to get your head back on straight, you couldn't really do anything else, having a hard time concentrating on your flow of thoughts.

It was right when you were beginning to think you had stopped the spirals in your mind that you heard him: "(y/n)!" You recognized the detective's voice on the spot. How could you not, after how he had managed to disrupt your thoughts and actions all evening? But you weren't about to turn back around and have your very own movie ending with him. You just knew it wasn't gonna play out like that and decided to keep walking in order to preserve the little dignity you still had. "Oh, c'mon! Just give me a minute! Please!" That pleading made you turn around, to let him down more politely, which ended up with the two of you almost hitting each other. Once again, that same night, he was too close to you. The proximity with his body sending all sorts of heatwaves through yours. He seemed to be feeling it too, given the way he started to look at you, the damn smirk back on his lips.

"Nu-uh. You don't get to look at me like that. Not after what it did to me the first time."

"Huh. Care to elaborate on that? How exactly am I looking at you?" He asked, moving even closer to you altogether. "And, more importantly, what exactly did it do to you?"

"You don't need me to answer any of that." You pointed out, crossing your arms over your chest — clearly going into defensive mode.

"Maybe not," he started, tilting his head slightly — the damn smirks never leaving his face. "But. I'd like to hear it nevertheless."

"Well, you're not going to."

"Ah, okay." Wait, was he really giving up that easily? "Then maybe I can just try and see what it does to you one more time? For the sake of curiosity." All you could think to say was an enthusiastic 'Yes, please!' but, when he started leaning in to kiss you, you seemed to come back to your senses, pushing him away and taking some steps back of your own.

"Oh my God! Don't you get it? We can't be doing this right now. Not after the way I left things with Kim because of our previous, um, actions!" At that, Jay just gave you a confused look. "I stormed out of there but just because I was feeling too ashamed about it all and I honestly don’t think that I want any more embarrassment for a lifetime.

“Okay, okay. I get that but maybe it would feel less embarrassing for you if you knew that I was feeling all of that too: all of that buzzing energy and the goddamn butterflies and everything. You were doing exactly the same I did to you to me. And, as embarrassing as it was to be caught like that by Adam and Kim, I still can’t say I regret any of it. In fact, I was thinking that maybe we could do it again? You know, minus all the mess and the kid 𑁋 I mean, I adore Mak but that would be-” 

You didn’t care to listen to the rest of all he had to say. Instead, you threw yourself into his arms, even making him lose his balance for a second, and started kissing him, except that this time it was a slow, hot, and thought-through kiss. And the second you did kiss him, you heard clapping and whistling from afar, as you turned to find Kim and Adam there, once again witnessing you and Jay kiss. And that had Jay whispering to you:

“Let’s get out of here?” To which you responded simply with a:

“Yes, please!”

[tyunn1ngz]

yeonjun nsfw alphabet

cw: lots of afab!reader but no gender stated!

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

runs u a nice bath— most of the time w him bathing w u bc of ur insistence; words of praise, crinkled eyes with gentle smiles as he kisses into ur wet skin hehe

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

of his i can definitely see it being his mouth, and who wouldn’t b obsessed w lips like that!!!!!!!!!! likes how they look covered in ur lipstick, bruised from kisses, covered in ur cum and everything along that nature<3

on you i think it’d be ur thighs or ur ass, mainly based on how much he gropes his members as is LOL. loves the plush of ur thighs in every position, loves biting and groping at the soft skin and leaving his mark on u <3 thinks theyre especially cute when they tremble when u feel particularly good ^_^

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

lovvvesssssss cumming in u when u’ll let him (read: always) — doesn’t cum a whole lot nor is it thick but he’ll make sure u take every drop until he’s sure u’ll probably have a scare … shrugs …

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

probably lowk does hope he’ll knock u up even tho u guys r so adamant that ur not ready ٩(^‿^)۶

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

a little experienced maybe but doesn’t necessarily transfer every detail to his next partner if that makes sense? he knows generally not everyone feels pleasure the same ways and at the same levels so while he thinks he knows what hes doing he likes the confirmation and a little guidance where necessary bc he rly wants it to be good for u

f = favourite position (this goes without saying)

missionary w ur thighs over his hips … what more can i say

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

definitely likes to joke around, he can be serious if u really want that but if u want him as he is hes gonna be giggling and smiling bc he just loves u so much he cant believe he gets to have u like this!!!!!!! probably gets more serious the closer he is to cumming hehe can’t hold himself together long enough to even try giggling <3

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

well groomed id say he cares abt his appearance but not to the point where hes completely bare i dont think , just well kept ! :]

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

hes romantic in the aspect of making u feel comfortable w him, like w the answer for G i think he can be quite silly during but thats what makes it more intimate bc its u two getting to know each others bodies best!!! just loving on each other, holding each other close and giggling into each others mouths which occasionally breaks off into pretty moans

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

loves to send u videos of himself jerking off imo !!!!! if hes not filming it for u i cant imagine he cares much for getting off by himself at all anymore whats the point of that!!!!!

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

hmmmmmm said it before but spit is a big one for him i think !! drooly kisses, calling u his good baby when he spits in ur mouth, spitting on ur cunt before he fucks u open w his tongue and fingers … the possibilities r simply endless !

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

probably likes a little thrill, semi public spaces and such where its not THAT likely someone will find/hear u but just a sliver of a chance perhaps ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ bathroom at a party or smth is probably the riskiest he’ll go <3 otherwise just either of ur homes is the way to go !!

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

literally almost anything abt u but especially i think any glimpses he would get of ur hips or thighs during the day would make him froth a little and he starts to think more abt those thighs on either sides of his head— all thoughts out of his own perverse nature

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

as much as theres a general hc i cant see him as a hard mean dom but that could just b me and to each their own!!! he’s realistically too much of a sweetheart so the idea of being especially mean to u ever even if its meant to be hot just doesn’t rly quite do it for him but he’s willing to try at least once if thats what u really want

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

oh hes a GIVER. that boy is a MUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and hes GOOD AT IT!!!!!!!!!!! the teasing leadup, the way he gives himself into it wholeheartedly, moaning into u like its him getting off… and again! that mouth! case closed!!!!

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

depends on how pent up he is!!! generally he likes it fast but not too rough, but sometimes he gets worked up enough he’s a little rougher and harder w it, or whenever u want it he’ll get a little rougher !! however u want it, he’s willing to give it to u<3 almost always its sensual tho have u seen his hips :3

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

would probs love a good quickie but prefers when he has the time to tease u up to ur orgasm, knowing u always come harder w the anticipation and perhaps just a little edging :p

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

definitely game to experiment especially if theres smth u wanna try and u get so squirmy and heated in the face talking abt it, probably not too risky tho!!! nothing that could seriously hurt u or himself

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

stamina is pretty criminal, could take u for about 3 rounds before he finally tires out but only for a break, then he’s on u for ur fourth orgasm on his tongue, strong ass jaw workout ill tell u that

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

YES! vibrators absolutely, nice silk ropes for bondage, pretty glass dildos to use on u, a galore of things he wants to try on you but sometimes he thinks abt you using them on him and gets himself so hard he thinks he could cum in his pants if u so much as kissed him

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

a LOT !!! but thats all part of his foreplay ur just so easy to rile up and so cute to make squirm under just his fingertips

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

pretty loud ? but not much and not on purpose, breathless moans that break off into longer pitchier whines when pleasure wracks through his body hehe

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he’s definitely cum in his pants more than once just from eating u out

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

honestly? i think he wouldn’t actually be that big like average or even just a bit below BUT!!! that’s just the thing isn’t it bc size doesn’t matter if u know how to use it! and lord does he!!!!!!!!

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

pretty high, but can u blame him when he has someone as stunning as u to always be his

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

i don’t think he’d fall asleep fast unless u guys have had Excessive rounds … but anyway defo stays up w ur head pressed to his chest, playing w ur hair and telling u silly stories until u fall asleep first <3

[cryptixani]

thigh fucking with choso...

a/n: no described genetalia for reader, but does have described breasts and is implied to be a lil thicc and curvy <3

warnings: smut, thighfucking, gentle teasing for choso, subby choso, a lil spitplay, cumeating at the end.

he's all sprawled out on the unmade bed, half covered by crinkled white sheets. panting and sweating all messy, dark brown hair loose and probably tangled by now. his heavy-set eyes are half-closed, soft lips parted, head tilted back in a way that gave you a perfect view of his throat.

"f-fuck-... haah..."

you're on top of him, holding your upper body up with your arms behind you - palms flat against the mattress, on either side of his legs. your back is arched up a bit, tits on perfect display for him as they bounce with each of your shared motions. your thighs are pressed together, then bent at the knee. between them, his reddened cock pokes through with each of his erratic upward thrusts.

choso's eyes are glued to you, he can't decide where he wants to look more. your supple thighs, the soft curves of your tummy, your bouncing tits. he lets out another groan, more warmth curling in his lower stomach. he doesn't think he can last much longer like this. usually, when he fucks your thighs, it's more of an opportunistic thing. spooning you in the morning, against the sliding door when you shower together, that sort of thing. he doesn't think you've ever specifically gotten on top of him and initiated it yourself - until now.

you're gazing down at him with a smirk, head tilted slightly. matching his thrusts with your own little bounces, making sure the soft flesh of your thighs stimulates his throbbing cock.

"you like that, baby?" you coo, feeling him leak more precum, making your skin more slick. he's leaked enough by now that each of his thrusts make a squelching noise. "yeah you do, messy boy."

he can only whimper in response, his big hands holding your plush hips tightly. not controlling your movements, he wouldn't dare, just trying to keep himself grounded as he fucks up into your thighs.

"you like thigh-fucking me, choso?" you continue. your arms burn from holding yourself up for so long, but it's a small price to pay for getting to see him so debauched.

choso nods, almost delirious, hips pistoning up and down without pause.

"y-yeah-..." he chokes out, deep voice all gravelly and breathy. "yeah, l-love it... love you... thank y-you..."

you giggle a little and shift your hands to lean against the tops of his legs instead, letting you lean in a bit closer. from this angle, you're looking straight down at his cock thrusting up between your soft inner thighs. you can feel choso's gaze on you as you gather spit in your mouth, parting your lips. tongue all lolled out, the saliva drips down and lands on his cock. quickly spreading over your own skin too, making more of a mess.

"shit..."

choso's voice trembles, and you realize he's on the verge of orgasm. with a few more desperate thrusts, he moans so loudly his voice cracks. thick, creamy cum spills between your legs, some even managing to get on your abdomen. you smile in satisfaction, letting your arms relax as you finally rest your full weight on choso.

he's panting heavily, head still tilted back, though his eyes remain glued on you. his adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly, taking in the sight of you covered in his cum. it's not a sight he'll ever get tired of, he's sure.

"thank you." he mumbles again, catching his breath.

you huff out in mild amusement. "you're welcome, baby. you don't need to th-"

you're cut off when choso's hands on your hips suddenly tighten, and he lifts you off him with a complete lack of effort. you're pushed back onto the bed, and before you know it he's crawled between your thighs.

"i *do* need to thank you." he mumbles, hands sliding down to the backs of your knees. he holds your legs open for him, nose nudging your calf. "because you're so perfect to me."

with that, his tongue is on you, beginning to lap up his mess from between your thighs.

[moodooivy]

So I was watching Hazbin Hotel when I noticed something. And it made me wonder...

We all know about the copycat scenes between Vox and Alastor. They both claw a table, they both have a "what did you just say?" moment, they're both shown wearing religious clothing and culinary clothing, they both do a face closeup on a screen, and their outfits are even similar. Everyone says Vox is copying Alastor... But notice how Vox did all of these examples first. It makes me wonder who is copying who. None of these similarities seem unintentional. So I'm going to analyze each scene, explain the similarities, why I think they're similar, what this might mean, and whether or not I think they're copying each other.

First two scenes: C L A W and "What did you say?"

These two scenes are what I believe really got people to notice "Hey, Vox and Alastor do a lot of the same things". I can see why. I'm just going to toss these two together since Vox does them right after each other. How is this a similarity? Well, just look at them. In t h e c l a w scene, they both dig their claws into a table because they're angry, and in the other, someone else says something that makes them angry. Something interesting is that both happen more somewhat opposite reasons. Vox digs his claws into a table when Alastor is brought up. Someone that assumably threatens his power. In Vox's eyes, he's already won. Alastor has been gone for years and he's probably one of the most famous sinners in Hell. He won. But Alastor's arrival threatens that victory. So, angie TV. Alastor digs his claws in because he's mad he was defeated by Adam. Before that he was confident he'd beat Adam. When that doesn't happen he's forced to retreat. He lost. So, angie Bambi. When Vox says "What did you say" it's directed to Valentino his business partner or on/off boyfriend, someone he was just talking down to like a child to calm their tantrum btw. It is immediately followed up by mockery from Val who makes fun of Vox's anger, dismissing it even. When Alastor says "What did you say" it's directed to Husk his literal "slave", it's right after said "slave" is talking back to him. Alastor follows it up with putting Husker in his place. Both situations, Alastor is defending his power and authority which is being threatened by someone. Vox is also being threatened, but it's moreso to mock him because there's no real threat towards him. On Reddit, someone pointed out that they're not copying each other. And you know what? That's true here. They can't even see each other to know to do this. Here's my theory for that. We know Vox and Alastor used to be friends. I'm sure there's a lot of behavior Alastor has inherited from being around Vox that he'll refuse to say he got from Vox. Verdict is; No I don't think they're copying each other here. I think this was purposeful to show how similar they really are.

Next two scenes: The culinary and religious outfits

These next two are quite interesting to me. We all know about the outfit thing. Well, let's talk about it. How are they similar? Well, in the first, Vox is wearing a priest outfit and Alastor is wearing a nun outfit, both to inspire trust, while in the second Vox is a chef and Alastor is a busboy. Again. Both are similar but happen for opposite reasons. Vox presents himself as a priest to inspire trust among sinners. He's the authority that they should believe every word of. He's the leader priest and what he says is good. Alastor presents himself as a nun to encourage Charlie to trust him. But it's moreso in a "Look at me Charlie, you trust me right? I'm an innocent, loyal nun". Vox is a chef... Enough said... Ok, I'll say more. the chef is the one who prepares the dishes and is in the most control. There. Alastor is a busboy. But furthermore, he's forced into it by Lucifer somehow (Luci, explain yourself) and he's even used by Lucifer on a pan where he's tossed around and has no control whatsoever. What I'm trying to say is each time this outfit thing happens, Alastor is being put into a weaker position. A place where he's trying to gain back control or is forced out of it. Vox on the other hand is always shown to have power. I don't think that's a coincidence. I think this has meaning. Either two things. 1: Vox is weak and is so insecure that he has to put himself in a plae cof authority to boost his ego while Alastor purposefully allows himself to be seen as weaker than he really is by certain people as a form of manipulation. Or 2, this is forshadowing that Alastor is actually weaker than Vox. Think about it. Valentino said he "almost" beat Vox. That could mean anything. Maybe Vox chickened out and left, maybe Alastor just stopped fighting, or maybe Vox was victorious. I doubt that because I'm sure he'd be putting Alastor in his place immediately on broadcast during Stayed Gone, but it's still possible. Verdict is: I still don't believe they're copying each other.

Next two: The screen scenes

Now these examples aren't used as often, but I think they're still notable. Dissection time. How are the similar? In the first, both Alastor and Vox are shown on a big screen with their demon eye/eyes and in the second they are squashing the screen (Idk how to describe sorryyy). Vox is on the big scren looking down on the sinners. Alastor's entire end part of Stayed Gone is basically him doing what Vox did at the beginning of the song. I believe this is just like the claw thing where it's there to show their similarities. Vox is surrounding Alastor to yell at him. I do believe this is supposed to emphasize how pathetic Vox is for thinking he can do anything to Alastor from where he is. I don't believe this scene has any real meaning. It's just cool that both Alastor and Vox did this. Verdict: Not copying each other.

The songs: Stayed Gone vs Hell's Greatest Dad

These songs are already very similar. They include one character trying to prove they're better than Alastor only for Alastor to interrupt. But there are a few differences that if I'm being honesty. Al, it doesn't look good for you man... Alastor is fighting with Vox in Stayed Gone and he's fighting with Lucifer, the literal Devil in Hell's Greatest Dad. That's more important to this argument than you might realize. Vox is weaker or just as strong as Alastor. Throughout Stayed Gone we can tell by Vox's behavior and the look in his eyes that he's intimidated by Alastor. In Hell's Greatest Dad, Alastor does look like he's getting a little irritated by the end. Lucifer might be one of the only demons in Hell stronger than Alastor (Besides the other sins and maybe my boy Stolas). Alastor is probably actually intimidated by him. In Stayed Gone Vox and Alastor are trying to convince appearently all of Pentagram city. From what I can see, the stakes are not all that high for them, it's mostly just Vox's ego and Alastor putting him in his place. In Hell's Greatest Dad however, they are fighting over one person and there actually is something to loose. The most important difference to me is the way these songs end. In Stayed Gone, Alastor gets the better of Vox by the end. In Hell's Greatest Dad, in a way, Lucifer gets the better of Alastor. He had the last word of the two after all. And we all know that if they were to actually "fight" fight, the literal devil will win.

In conclusion, I don't like it when people say Vox is copying Alastor because if anything, Alastor is copying Vox. But I don't think that's the case either. I believe they are unintentionally copying each other. They are very alike in that they both try to maintain trust and manipulate others around them, but in different ways. I hope this will be expanded upon in S2.

I apologize if this was hard to understand, the way I speak cn be that way. I tried my best and hope everyone got my point.

Hazbin Hotel: Vivziepop I apologize for the poor image quality. I don't have Prime Video on my chromebook so I had to just find these off the internet. We all know where they're from. The show.

[wolftoken]

iv nsfw alphabet

a/n: iv my love my husband i want to lick his face

• masterlist •

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

If you dommed him he’s probably completely out of it and in need of some fruit or something. He likes to be taken care of with gentle words and touches, and once he’s got his wits about him once again he makes sure you had fun and pulls you down to cuddle with him.

If he was in charge then he’s fussing over you with a warm towel to clean you up with, he’s got your favourite drink ready and anything else you might need. He’s got expensive lotions that he wants to massage you with if you’re up for it. Although that might make him hard again. There’s also fruit. He believes fruit is very necessary in aftercare.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

If you asked him to name a favourite part of his body he’d get all shy about it, but he does like his hands. They get to hold you, after all. Also, his ass. It looks incredible in whatever he wears.

He loves your chest. Whether or not you have tits his mouth is always there, leaving hickeys and bite marks all over. On a softer note, he likes to fall asleep on your chest after sex as well.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside, but if not, then on your thighs is just as good. If you tell him to lick it off you he’ll not only comply immediately but also instantly get hard again.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to be completely and utterly wrecked. Fuck him until he can’t remember his own name, until the only thing he can think of is you and how good you make him feel.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not a whole lot of experience but he’s a fast and eager learner.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary because he likes the closeness of it. He likes to feel you pressed against him and he likes the fact that he can kiss you like that.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Depends on his mood at the time, but usually he starts off with jokes to ease any tension or anxiety but gets serious as he gets more into it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Fuzzy all over. He’s got a short but thick bush down there.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s not setting the room up with candles and fairy lights type of romantic but he’s sweet. He’ll hold your face in his hands and tell you how beautiful you look with him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He can be pretty needy sometimes so if you’re not in the mood when he is, he’ll take a long shower or go to bed early to relieve himself. He thinks about you walking in on him and scolding him for getting off without you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Overstimulate him. He wants to be wrecked and sobbing when you’re done with him. He also wants to overwhelm your senses with unimaginable pleasure, too.

Secret breeding kink. He gets so worked up thinking about cumming deep inside you and fucking it back into you with his fingers when it starts to leak out.

Praise. Tell him he’s a good boy. Even casually, with everyday tasks like doing the dishes or laundry, if you tell him he did a good job he will be desperately hiding his blush from you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bed, couch, on a blanket on the floor, anywhere soft. One of his favourite things to do is build a pillow fort and fuck in it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Casual praise in front of other people. Tell him how good he is for getting you your coffee order, or how proud you are of his accomplishments with music. He’ll grab the nearest pillow to place over his growing hard-on.

Touching his neck makes him flustered, too. Brush your fingers against his adam’s apple or kiss where his shoulder and neck meet, he will be melting.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Not into the idea of hurting you in any way. You’re the light of his life and he can’t bare to cause you any pain.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

The quickest way to get him to start whining is to suck his dick. He loves when you tease him just by running your tongue over his tip but ignoring the rest of him.

He gets so incredibly drunk on the taste of you, though. Everything else in the world fades away when he head is between your thighs and he gets to work his tongue over you. He’ll be grinding his hard-on against anything he can find - the mattress, your leg, whatever. He has and will cum just from giving you head.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’ll go with whatever pace you like, but he really enjoys going slow and deep so he can appreciate every second he gets to feel you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Absolutely up for a quickie, especially right before or after a show. He’ll be riled up and push you up against the wall and take you right there.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He can be shy about asking to try new things with you at first, but as time passes and he gets comfortable, he’ll bring up things he wants to try.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

If you’re in charge he’s not lasting long. He can’t help it when you make him feel so good and you look so sexy when you fuck him. If he’s in charge he delays his own orgasms so he can be inside you even for a moment longer.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Do puppy ear headbands count as toys? Other than that, he doesn’t own any but he’s more than happy for you to show him yours and incorporate them into your sex life.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not really into teasing you, he’d rather just have sex right away. He just likes watching you cum. But he loves when you tease him, especially physically. Grind down on his clothed dick while you’re in his lap on the couch with a movie on. Push back against him when you’re spooning or softly kiss his skin when he’s trying to get dressed for the day.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He starts off quiet but eventually he can’t help himself and just lets go. Sometimes he doesn’t realise how loud he’s been until the neighbours text you to ask if everything’s okay at home.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

One time you jokingly said “good dog” to him and he froze. You thought you’d offended him but the way his cheeks reddened and his pants sported a tent said otherwise.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s definitely an “I’ll make it fit,” type of situation with him. He’s thick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not as bad as the other vessels, generally. But he has the odd day where he can’t get anything done unless he has an orgasm.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As soon as he knows you’re happy and sated, he’s asleep. He’ll have you cuddled impossibly close to him and press lazy kisses everywhere he can reach.

[starberryfarms]

𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐨𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

tags: fluff, mini make-out (?), fem!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1.0𝐤

𝐚/𝐧: 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨! ����𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 <3

You all walk back into one of the Orca’s houses to rest for the night. After the debacle with the Mad Mage and Dryads, you all definitely need it. Marcille has instructed Laois to practice his healing magic while she fixes Ambrosia, and you were the last of the group to be healed. You were holding off on him healing you, claiming you were “fine” and “it’s honestly not that bad.”.

Everyone went off to do their respective tasks and training, while Laios worked on trying to heal you. “Try not to kill her Laios.”Chilchuck jokes as they all exit the room. Laios chuckles nervously as he sits in front of you, the tension in the room thickens as you both look at each other. “No pressure…” You chuckled nervously as your eyes met his.

 “So, where’s your injury?” Laois asks as he looks you over. There was nothing he could physically see.

 At that your back straightens, “L-Laios, you really don’t have to do this. I can ask Marcille to do it later.” He pouts at your dismissal to his help.

“I can do it, I promise you’ll make it out alive …probably.” He jokes to try and relax you, thinking that’s why you were so adamant on him not healing you. 

“Okay…” You sighed knowing you’d regret this. 

“My uh… my injury is on my chest.” You say as you start to loosen your shirt, and look up to meet Laios’s eyes. His face flushes red as he brings his hand up to your chest, his hand trembling. You bring your hand up over his own, to firmly place it over your wound. 

Laios stares deeply into your eyes, you both say nothing for a while. His brown-gold eyes pierce into your soul.You clear your throat once you realize how long you’ve been staring at each other, “Um Laios, I think you're supposed to start now.”

 He jumps, closes his eyes and starts the incantation. As the words filled with magic traveled through his lips, you could feel it flowing through you as Laios chanted. The heat of his hand on your chest, makes your heart race the longer it rests there. You feared that the close proximity would give you away as you tried to focus on staying calm. Your eyes open, they flit down to watch his lips move as he speaks. They roam over his face taking in all his features. If you focused enough you could probably count the freckles that dust across his skin. 

“Stupid”, you think to yourself as you watch him. You’d done the one thing Chilchuck explicitly said not to do. But falling in love with Laios was like breathing, it came naturally. 

Laios opens his eyes and pulls his hand back slowly before looking over where your cut used to be. “H-how does it feel?”

He looks almost shocked by the fact that he’d actually healed you. He runs his pointer finger over the area, and a shiver runs down your spine. He looks up to meet your eyes, his hand still softly caressing over the now scar. “It feels good… a little itchy, but good.” you mutter breathlessly. 

Laios smiles as he looks up to meet your eyes, the distance between you two closes as his finger traces over your scar. “Sorry I haven’t mastered healing it up all the way.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind Laios.” Your hand comes up to rest over his, a soft smile blossoms on your face. A smug look falls over his face at his success and pink hue dusts his cheeks. He starts talking about how proud of himself he is and his shock that he was able to heal everyone. You chuckle as you watch him brag about his victories, and how he can’t wait to show Falin how much he’s learned when they get her back. 

You try to focus as he talks, but your eyes can’t help be trail over his form as he speaks animatedly. The way his muscles flex as he flails them about recounting their run in with the Dryads. The way his lips look as he smiles while talking. 

You interrupt him before he can run off on a tangent. You grab his hands to bring his focus back towards you.

 “Thank you Laios!”, you hug him, which shocks him at first, but then his hands slowly come around your waist to hug you back. You both stay like that for a while, his hands traveling up and down your back. Your arms that are loosely around his neck tighten slightly as your hands tickle the hair at the nape of his neck. 

When you both pull away, your faces are inches away from each other. You can feel his breath tickle your nose as your eyes flit from his own down to his lips. It’s like there’s a mysterious force that brings you both closer together.

“Sweets…” Laios whispers as his lips graze against your own. You don’t know what comes over you, but you close the distance between you and him. A gasp escapes him before he relaxes into the kiss, his hands that were on your waist tighten slightly. His grip pulls you in as the kiss escalates. The feeling of his hands on your waist, stirs something in you. 

His lips were rough against your own softer ones. Your hand slides up until it’s entangled in his soft golden blonde hair. You sigh as you feel the golden tresses of hair in between your fingers. To finally be this close to him, to feel him against you was unimaginable. 

You feel his body shiver as your fingers lightly scrape against his scalp. The kiss was sloppy with inexperience, you both had no idea what you were doing, but you knew one thing.

It felt good and it felt right.

Your noses brush softly against each other as this kiss grows in intensity. 

His hand comes up and his thumb strokes your cheek as you pull apart, his face a bright red. He looks at you in disbelief at what just happened. His breaths come out in huffs as he leans his forehead down to rest against hers, “H-how-…You-.. What?”. You giggle as you catch your breath, not quite meeting his eyes. He grabs your cheeks to pull your face up so that you are looking at him. His eyes filled with a warmth you’ve only seen when he spoke about the monsters he’s encountered.. 

Maybe you aren’t so stupid after all.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

*gently pokes you with a stick til you write this*

Is there a plot, or just vibes... like what is going on in this universe... okay... *rolls sleeves up* lemme try to headcanon it a little:

Oscar is a rising star in product engineering, and was hired based on a prototype he was developing in his Imperial College dorm room. Barely settled into his new office gig, he is told to present a demo of said product on the mainstage of his tech company employer's next big conference, where they announce their latest product rollouts for the year.

Oscar really hates public speaking, and has never been very good at it. Enter Lando - deputy head of marketing and charmboy extraordinnaire - who is assigned to get him up to scratch.

Other universe details that probably only I care about: Adam Norris is the new CFO who brings his son into the picture. There are definitely two overworked interns on both their teams who have to manage all their weird quirks and Lando's idiosyncratic JIRA board hygiene. Surely there must be an ugly conference t-shirt. No wait– Oscar sleeps with Lando at the conference rehearsal, but the first time is kinda unexpected, and also Oscar spilled red wine on himself the previous night which necessitated him going up to Lando's hotel room for Plot Convenient Reasons (sex). Morning after, Oscar has to borrow one of Lando's t shirts and it ends up being a neon prototype that was manufactured as an error. And Oscar's like "you cannot expect me to walk out like this", and it's like. "Well either that or you walk around the city shirtless sorry mate." (Oscar takes the L, but he really hates green highlighters from that point on and nobody really knows why. Lando thinks it's hilarious and buys him copious amounts of hot chocolate to make up for it even though it was never his fault. He just likes buying hot chocolate for Oscar.)

There is also definitely an icebreaking joint activity that they both do, like indoor rock climbing, in order to get to know each other. Except Lando is like, spectacularly good at it, and Oscar (a) lies about his competency in rock climbing (b) is deathly afraid of heights. But Oscar refuses to be a wimp so doesn't say a single thing until he reaches the top of a really challenging wall and Lando is like: woah you did so amazing! Now let go and come down! and Oscar is like: I can't! Lando: wdym?? Oscar: I hate heights. Like "my sisters used to lure me to the roof with a ladder and then take the ladder away", hate heights. Lando: BRO.....your PRIDE.... (but he's also secretly going insane because Oscar clearly just wanted an excuse to spend the morning with him.)

Their first kiss is after Lando belays Oscar safely to the ground, obviously. Adrenalin, and stuff.

[s1llysmut]

NSFW Alphabet for Adam

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Let’s be real here, he doesn’t give a shit about you or really anyone. The most he’s gonna do is say that was hot.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favourite body part on himself is his dick, no doubt about that. His favourite body part of yours is definitely your boobs if you have any. He gives off the vibes of a man with mommy issues, despite technically not having a mom, which you know what, that would cause mommy issues.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to cum anywhere on your body. He sees it as if he’s claiming you as his.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He finds it hot when you ride him. Not that much of a secret but it’s something he probably won’t tell many people.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s experienced obviously. He is literally the original dick.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves doggy style. It makes him feel in charge and powerful. Not to mention he loves slapping your ass.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Is this man ever fully serious? Nah he’s definitely cracking jokes the whole time. Don’t try to laugh at his jokes though or he’ll turn the laugh into a moan by fucking you harder.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He likes being all natural meaning no, he doesn’t shave. Since he’s the first ever man he feels like keeping it natural is the way god intended for it to be.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s not very romantic at all. He doesn’t really give a shit about you or anyone or anything.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I feel like he masturbates A LOTTTT. He’s probably watched some of Angel Dust’s videos to get off before too.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Degrading you. He loves feeling powerful and he’s not above putting others down to boost his own ego.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere. He will fuck you literally anywhere anytime.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Praise. Boost his ego. If you tell him how good he makes you feel or how awesome he is, he is bending you over right then and there.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn’t be interested in another man fucking you. That would just piss him off.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers you blowing him. He believes it gives him more power over you. Definitely makes sure you’re on your knees.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual is not in his vocabulary. He doesn’t do slow or sensual. He is going to fuck you as hard and as fast as he wants for as long as he wants.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He loves quickies. He demands asks you for one all the time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes. He absolutely takes risks but only if they interest him. If it’s something you wanna try that he has no interest in, too bad so sad.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last about 2 rounds. I feel like he sees cumming as the only real reason to have sex so if he already came, why would he continue?

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He definitely owns a few fleshlights for himself. He never uses toys on you, he sees them as some sort of threat to his skills.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to tease you but with him, teasing you is also sorta teasing him too since he gets so horny so fast. So eventually he gives in and grants mercy on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I feel like he does a lot of dirty talk. I think it gets him going to verbally acknowledge the situation. He only really moans when he cums though.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ve definitely had a threesome with Lute. There’s no way you haven’t.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s thick but average length. Around 6 inches. Not bad but definitely not as big as Lucifer or Alastor’s.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

EXTREMELY high. You are going to be fucking at least twice a day. There’s no way around it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Very quickly. He doesn’t really give a shit how you feel so, sorry about that?

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 7/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

Thank you for everyone giving their thoughts in my dms as well as reblogging and liking each chapter!

Italics are flashbacks and I'm sure you can tell which ones haha

-----------------------------------------------

Lucifer doesn't go back to the hotel right away. Instead, he opened a portal to the Palace. The place is as barren as the day his wife and daughter left, no servants, not a single soul except his.

He wondered why they even built something this big. He thinks it's probably because of Charlie and their need to give her a sanctuary that's untouched by Hell but him and Lilith weren't even planning a child when this was first proposed.

Lilith: You need a palace! Fit for a king!

Lucifer: I don't feel like a king, Lily. Besides, we're just two people. I feel like we won't even see each other with all this space.

Lilith: My love, it is only a matter of time before human souls arrive and we must establish our authority the moment they step foot in Hell. No king should mingle with the commoners. You are no human, you are an angel! A being so divine that you must stay untouchable.

Lucifer: But I don't want that, honey. I'm no angel, not anymore and this isn't my kingdom, it's my punishment.

Lilith: Then we make it one.

Right. It was Lilith.

He guesses it was fitting for her. All her life, she was told to basically be a servant for Adam. And when the opportunity of being something higher arose, she took it. Who was he to deny her of her newly found purpose?

Lucifer never wanted to be King but his wife was right, someone has to keep the sinner souls in check. That's his only reason and definitely not because of the guilt eating him alive every second of every day.

Keekee meows at his feet, demanding pets. He smiles at the cat, moving to bend down and giving in to her requests.

Lucifer: Sorry I had to cut the meeting short. I got pretty angry there didn't I? I don't even know why...

Keekee meows in response, head nuzzling his hands. If he didn't know any better, he'd say she's understanding but also berating him.

Lucifer: Yes yes. Your wish is my command.

Michael had done one thing right and that's gifting him Keekee. He may have been the angel of creation but back then, he wasn't powerful enough to magically summon the materials needed to build the Palace out of thin air.

Whether it was because his guilt or some other reason, Michael sent down the one-eyed cat their way. Not necessarily delivering it himself but there was a note that indicated it was from his brother.

Lilith was understandably apprehensive at first but grew to love the cat (Keekee! Cause she turns into a key, my love!) overtime.

He stands up and makes his way further inside his house. Not home. It hasn't felt like a home for a long, long time.

Stopping at the end of the hallway to a dead end, he addresses his companion once more.

Lucifer: Would you mind opening the garden, Keekee?

Without hesitation, the cat jumped morphed through the wall. Not a second later, the wall glowed with an almost Heaven-like pattern, runes moving to unlock a door that was never there.

Lucifer felt a breeze hit him as the door opened like an old friend greeting you with a kiss.

It's the one place in the Palace that he, Lilith, and young Charlie used to spend time on. A place that's made to be a total contrast of Hell's red and chaotic environment. A place where they can pretend to be okay, to feel like a normal family. A place that can rival the original made by his Father.

His own little Garden of Eden.

With Lilith's help, they managed to copy Eden from the unique clouds to the flow of the stream. He remembers almost crying when they looked at it finished for the first time.

Lilith: It looks just like home, Lucifer.

Lucifer: Yeah. It does.

And when the exterminations started, it was where they take Charlie to keep her safe.

Didn't last long anyway. They were all taking a nap one day but then Charlie found a way out and saw her first demon killed by an exorcist blade.

'It all went downhill from there.'

Keekee must be irritated with him zoning out because she scratches his leg to get him back to reality. He laughs at her attempt to pull him inside.

Lucifer: Sorry, sorry! I'm coming, I'm coming.

The cat pulls him to his usual spot under the tree with the flower bed. He picks up Keekee as he sits.

Lucifer: Why don't you go and tell Charlie or Al that I'm back? Tell them I'm just exhausted and that I'll talk to them after resting.

Another meow.

Lucifer: Okay... but only Charlie can come here if she asks where I am.

After licking his face, Keekee bounced off out the door back to the hotel.

As Lucifer drifts off to sleepyland in the comfortable bed of grass, surrounded by flowers and peace, he pats his jacket for a specific pocket containing something that he never got rid off. When he finds what he's looking for, he holds is up to the sky, blocking the artificial sun of not-Eden. A piece of paper that, though he may never admit out loud, gave him just a little bit enough will to continue and live.

He holds the paper to his heart as his eyes flutter shut and dreams of ducks.

'Thrive, Samael.'

-----------------------------------------------

the note and keekee are from Michael!

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Midnight | Chapter 10 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - Luke becomes suspicious and starts his own investigation in your whereabouts.

A/N - this chapter is entirely about Luke and the BAU. We resume our regularly scheduled programming soon. Also Luke’s birthday isn’t mentioned in canon so I used Adam Rodriguez’s birthday for the sake of this chapter.

Pairing - unsub! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | very eventual happy ending

Warnings - overprotective Luke, swearing.

WC - 4.4k

Chapter 10 - Why Worry?

Luke Alvez was not a naturally suspicious person. Despite his years in a job in which he was trained to be apprehensive, to keep his guards up and not take things at face value, he was on the whole an exceptionally trusting guy. 

It wasn’t like him to jump to conclusions, but the current situation was an exception to his rule. Maybe it was because it pertained to you, one of the few people in this world that Luke would go to the ends of the earth to protect. He had real sister’s he’d never felt he needed to look after the way he did you, possibly because they were older and always made it clear they could handle themselves.

But you could most certainly take care of yourself. You were one of the toughest people Luke had ever met in his life. You were fearless, he’d always admired that about you. But it had also never stopped him from wanting to shield you from harm since the day he met you. 

It sometimes felt his job was just as much an FBI agent as it was your very own personal protector. If he allowed himself to dig deeper into that he would probably realise it was because he had feelings for you that went way beyond simple found family. But he would never admit that even to himself. 

After receiving the vague phone call from you three days ago, and then the strange text, he’d thought of nothing but while the team had been away on a case. Everything was adding up in his mind, all the odd little details of your leaving the BAU and the new cell phone and he didn’t like the answers he was getting. It was like constantly trying to calculate two plus two but somehow making five. Nothing made sense to him. 

He wasn’t proud of his decision to call your father but he needed answers. He’d met your parents several times over the years and he knew your dad was quite fond of him, so he hoped he wasn’t completely overstepping any boundaries. 

You dad answered on the third ring as Luke was pacing his apartment a few hours after wrapping up the BAU’s latest case. Roxy watched him from the couch, clearly perturbed by her owner’s inability to stand still. He answered in a chipper voice that Luke had grown used to from your father. 

“Oh hey, Mr Y/L/N, it's Luke. Alvez.” Luke scratched the back of his head, feeling a little foolish for this.

“Luke, hi. How are you?” Your father sounded surprised but not disturbed to hear from him. 

“Yeah, I’m not too bad, thanks.” Luke continued his pacing. “Say, I was trying to get hold of Y/N but her cell phone keeps going to voicemail. Could I speak to her, please?” 

The outcome he desired was that your father would hand the phone over to you and you would rip him a new one for his paranoia. But he was almost positive it was not what would happen. 

“Uh,” your dad’s confusion was evident. “Y/N isn’t here, Luke. She hasn’t been home in months.”

And just like that, Luke’s heart fell into the pit that had formed in his stomach. He wasn’t exactly surprised, but it didn’t make the news any easier to swallow.

“What’s going on? Is everything ok, Luke?” Your dad sounded suddenly concerned and Luke scalded himself for worrying the older man like this. 

“Yeah, uh…I’m sorry to have bothered you. I must have gotten my wires crossed somewhere.” Luke pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Is my daughter ok?” 

“Yes, yes she’s fine. I just…I must have misheard her. I thought she said she was taking a few days off to come out to visit you but now that I think about it I think she was visiting some college friend.” Luke tried desperately to cover his tracks. 

“Do you want me to call her for you?” The older man still sounded concerned. 

“No, honestly it’s fine. Please don’t worry about it.” What the fuck am I doing? 

“You’re sure? Do I need to be concerned, Luke?”

“No! No, of course not. Clearly I’m just a really bad listener.” He forced himself to laugh. “I’ll get hold of her. Please don’t worry about it.” 

It took a few more minutes but he managed to talk your father down from the ledge in which Luke had led him to in the first place. He mentally berated himself once he was off of the phone for bothering your father like that. But it did confirm that you were not in fact in Philly like you’d said. 

And before Luke could think much of it, he was leaving his apartment again after giving Roxy a little pat on the head and promising the dog he would be home soon. His investigation wasn’t over yet. 

***

After getting off the phone to your dad, Luke tried to contact you on the cell number you’d called him from but found it was switched off. Then he decided to drive over to your apartment. 

He let himself in with the spare key you’d given him several years ago. He was tentative as he opened the door, not sure what he expected to find. 

It wasn’t entirely surprising that upon first glance, the place looked completely normal. You weren’t the tidiest person in the world so the half empty coffee mug on the kitchen counter, or the jacket over the arm of the chair weren’t out of place. Neither was the pile of washing up in the sink or the towel he found thrown on your unmade bed. 

On further inspection he found some empty hangers in the closet and a couple of items of clothing he knew you loved were missing. Your favourite pair of jeans which you always told him made your ass look incredible, something he never admitted he agreed wholeheartedly with, your college hoodie which you almost always wore when you were home and a few t-shirts you wore frequently were gone. Your toothbrush was missing from the bathroom, as well as your hairbrush. A few other items seemed to have been taken too so you’d definitely gone somewhere. 

He found your cell phone on the nightstand, its battery flat. He located your charger and plugged the device in, sitting on your bed while he waited for it to charge enough that he could switch it on. A few minutes passed before the little white Apple logo appeared on the screen and then he was being promoted to enter the passcode.

Your passcode had originally been your birth month and day because you were useless at remembering any other dates. He remembered telling you how easy it would be for someone to hack if you lost your phone and you’d rolled your eyes and huffed as you set a new one at his insistence. 

You’d changed it to the only other date you could think of at the time: Luke’s birthday. It wasn’t exactly the most secure four numbers, but he’d been mildly flattered that you remember his birthday in the first place and so he didn’t argue it. He quickly tapped in the code, 0402, and the screen sprung to life.

He admittedly didn’t feel good about this but he was desperate. Again he didn’t know what he expected to find but he had to check. He went through your recent text messages and calls and found nothing out of the ordinary, most of which in fact were to and from him. He supposed you could have deleted something if you didn’t want it to be found, but he didn’t think you’d have a need to do that. 

Nothing was out of the blue, nothing that would suggest where you might have gone and why you’d gone there in such a hurry. 

He unplugged the device and left it where he found it in case you came home, before he was heading out as quickly as he arrived. His last stop before he went home was to check the parking garage around the back of the building because if you’d gone somewhere, wouldn’t you have taken your car? 

He didn’t know what to think when he found your vehicle sat in its usual spot in the garage. Of course you could have flown somewhere, but it still felt strange that your car should be here. He didn’t have a good feeling about this. 

***

The following morning when he got to Quantico, the first stop he made was in Penelope Garcia’s bat cave. She was sipping from her unicorn mug when he entered and she glanced at him with a roll of her eyes.

“May I help you?” She grumbled like helping him was the last thing in the world she wanted to do. 

“If I gave you a phone number,” he spoke quietly, like he was imparting a secret. “A pay phone number to be specific, can you find where it is?” 

Garcia pulled a face and set her mug on the desk, shaking her head in frustration at Luke.

“Newbie, when will you learn that I can find just about anything regarding anything. My superpowers are so much more advanced than your macho fugitive hunting brain can handle.” She scoffed, turning to the computer screen and hovering her fingers over the keys. “Give me the number.” 

He opened his phone and found the number you’d called him from a few days ago and ignoring Garcia’s slight against him, read it out to her. Her fingers flew across the keyboard and soon enough a map popped up on the screen along with a loading bar which quickly finished its search and zoomed to a point on the map.

“Looks like that particular payphone is located on the corner of Troy Road and Oak Hill Manor in Edwardsville, Illinois.” She looked up at him to see him frowning at the screen. “Why am I looking at this? This isn’t part of any case.” 

“One more favour,” he pulled up another number on his phone. “Could you look this up?” 

Penelope rolled her eyes again and with a sigh that told Luke she wasn’t happy about this, she tapped the number into the computer. 

“It’s unregistered. Probably a burner.” She shrugged. “What’s going on, Alvez?” 

“Thanks, Garcia.” He ignored her question and turned on his heels towards the door.

“Newbie, don’t you dare walk away from me!” She called after him. 

“Gotta go, thanks, really.” He flung open the door and before Garcia could scald him further he was gone. 

***

Luke felt stupid when he’d explained to Emily in great detail about how he’d completely invaded your privacy. Saying it out loud made him feel like a jealous and overprotective boyfriend and punctuated most of his sentences with “I know I shouldn’t have” and “I didn’t mean to”. 

By the time he was finished he was slightly out of breath and Emily was staring at him with her mouth slightly ajar in a combination of confusion and mild amusement. 

“So yeah,” he exhaled. “She was in this little Podunk town in Illinois and I have no idea why but I just feel like something isn’t right, you know?” 

Emily closed her mouth and rolled her lip between her teeth while she mulled over Luke’s words. 

“So, what are you asking me here, Alvez?” Her brows furrowed. “Do you want to go out there?” 

“Would it be a huge inconvenience if I said yes?” 

“It certainly wouldn’t be ideal.” She rubbed one eye. “But I agree this all sounds a little suspicious and I don’t think you’re going to be fully here with the team until you check it out.” 

“You mean…” His face started to light up. 

“I can give you a day. Twenty four hours. But that’s all I can offer you Luke. I need you back here. And you’ll have to make your own way there, I can’t let you take the jet.” She laid out her orders but Luke was already grinning, bouncing up and down a little on his feet.

“Thank you Emily, thank you so much!” 

“I mean it, Alvez. Twenty four hours.” She told him sternly.

“That’s all I need.” He nodded. 

“Don’t make me regret this.” 

“I promise.” He continued to nod as he backed towards the door, wanting to get out before she changed her mind. 

He would book the next available flight down to Illinois and with any luck he would be able to get hold of you and find out what was going on. He needed to see you, until he did he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking the worst. 

Little did he know the worst that he could think of didn’t even come close to the reality you’d found yourself in.

***

Luke arrived in Edwardsville, Illinois that afternoon after a 2 hour flight from Washington National Airport to St Louis and then a thirty mile drive back to the small town. 

He found the pay phone with relative ease thanks to Garcia’s impeccably detailed directions. It was located almost directly opposite a quaint looking B & B and figured if you were staying here then calling him from that specific pay phone made sense. 

He made his way over to the farmhouse style building and followed the hand painted signs to the lobby. A blast of air conditioning hit him in the face as he entered and a shiver ran down his spine thinking it was not quite hot enough to warrant AC. But oh well, it wasn’t his electric bill.  

He strolled over to the counter where a plump older woman greeted him with an amiable smile.

“Good afternoon, sir, can I get you a room?” She beamed. 

“Uh, no.” He fished in his pocket and pulled out his credentials which he flashed at the woman. “I’m SSA Alvez with the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. I’m looking for someone.” 

“FBI?” She gasped. “Oh wow, we don’t see much of you around these parts. We’re just a quiet, small town.” 

“I’m investigating a potential missing person.” He knew Emily would have his head for treating this like a proper investigation but he also knew he was more likely to get answers this way. 

“Ok.” The woman toyed with the sleeve of her cardigan. 

Luke got out his phone and pulled up a photo of you he’d taken about a year ago but you hadn’t changed much since, and turned the screen to show her.

“Have you seen this woman? We have reason to believe she used the pay phone out front a few days ago.” 

The woman scrutinised your picture for a few seconds before shaking her head. 

“No, sorry. I don’t recognise her.” 

“Do you have security cameras?” 

“Sorry, no. Like I said, we're a small town. We don’t get much trouble. No need for cameras.” She shrugged sadly. 

“Can I see your guest log?” 

She nodded and reached under the desk for a battered old notebook which she handed to Luke. He flicked back to Tuesday, the day you’d called him and saw only a handful names down as checking in on that day. Martin Collins paid cash and stayed one night. Laura and Hugo Perez paid by credit card and stayed for two nights. Andrew and Rose Burnett also paid cash and stayed one night. 

He sighed and handed the book back to the woman with a half-smile of thanks. 

“Is there anything to do around here? Somewhere someone out of town might hang out?” 

“We’ve got a couple of bars around here but if you’re looking at Tuesday night, your best bet is the Corner Tavern, it does two for one shots on a Tuesday. It's about 4 miles north of here. Take Troy Road up about a mile and take a left onto Illini Drive, which will turn into Plum Street which will turn into Main Street. Keep going for about three miles and take a left on Union.” She spoke quite fast and Luke made a mental note of the directions even though his car had GPS. 

“Thanks.” He nodded, pulling a business card out of his pocket and sliding it across the desk. “If you happen to see anyone who looks like her, call me, please.”

“I will.” She nodded, taking the card. 

Luke trudged back outside to his car, praying to god he would get a better lead at the Corner Tavern and that he hadn’t completely wasted his time coming out here. 

***

The Corner Tavern appeared to be closed and if the sign on the saloon door was to be believed, it didn’t open until six pm. Luke was most certainly not waiting that long. He nudged the door with his hip and found it open and saw a light on inside. 

He tentatively walked inside, quickly spotting a long haired man behind the bar cleaning glasses. He glanced up when he heard footsteps on the floor and waved a hand at Luke.

“Sorry pal, not open. Read the sign.” He called over flippantly.

“You open for FBI?” Luke retrieved his creds and flashed them at the slightly greasy young man who pulled a face and put the glass down on the counter.

“We ain’t doing nothin’ illegal here. We’re a legit business.” He smiled a crooked smile across the bar top.

“I often find, legit businesses don’t have to proclaim their legitimacy.” Luke glared at him. “What’s your name, kid?” 

Kid? Jeez I sound like Rossi. But this kid is at least twenty years younger than me.

“Connor. Connor Danvers.” 

“You have any kind of seniority here, Danvers?” 

“I’m the duty manager.” He looked pleased with his title. “So what does the FBI want with the legit Corner Tavern?” 

Luke pulled out his phone and showed Connor the same photo of you he’d shown the woman at the Heartland but Connor barely glanced at it before shrugging. 

“She may have been here Tuesday night.” Luke tried to jog his memory. 

“Lotta people come through here. ‘Specially on a Tuesday. It’s our busiest night, what with the two for one shots and all.” He grinned that smarmy smile was rubbing Luke the wrong way. 

“Look closer.” Luke spat, moving the phone closer to Danvers face. 

“I don’t recognise her man! Sorry.” He pushed the phone away. 

Luke clenched his jaw and huffed out a breath. One of many things that hadn’t been sitting right with him was the close proximity in time in which you and Spencer left the BAU. Was there more to it than simple coincidence? On a whim he found a photo of Spencer and turned the screen back to Connor.

“What about him?” 

This time, Connor took a closer look, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he scrutinised the photo. After a few long seconds he shrugged. 

“He kinda looks familiar.” Connor agreed. “There was a guy in here on Tuesday that looked a little like him. Definitely an out of towner, I’d never seen him before. But that’s not usual on a Tuesday. He was making out with some blonde but then another girl came in, maybe the one you showed me, and they started having it out. Assumed it was his girlfriend or his wife or something. Anyway they started arguing and she stormed out. He followed her and that’s the last time I saw him.” 

Luke pocketed his phone and took in the information as he glanced around the bar. 

“I suppose it would be stupid of me to ask if this place has security cameras?” 

“We do not.” Connor chuckled. “Owner forked out thousands on redoing this place like a year ago but never sprung for cameras. Truth be told, we don't get a lot of trouble. Tourists are usually on their best behaviour and locals know better. Sure we get the occasional scuffle out in the parking lot but once they walk through those doors, ain’t our concern anymore, you know?” 

“Of course.” Luke spoke sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. “You’ve been a great help.” 

Luke turned on his heels and headed to the door, not feeling much lighter than when he walked in. He got back in the hire car and called Emily. She put him on speaker with Garcia and he filled them both in what he’d found. Or more accurately he supposed, what he hadn’t found. 

“You think she’s with boy wonder?” Garcia gasped. 

“I mean the timeline fits.” He shrugged. “And they were good friends.” 

“I tracked Y/N’s credit card and it hasn’t been used since last Saturday night at McCleary's.” Garcia told him a little sadly. 

“Yeah I was with her.” Luke pinched the bridge of his nose. “What about her passport, has it been used lately? Her car was at her apartment, but she must have gotten to Illinois somehow.” 

“Checking, checking.” Garcia tapped away on her keyboard for a moment or two. “Nada on her personal or department issued passports.” 

“How about Reid’s?” 

“On it.” Garcia started typing away rapidly. 

“Y/N doesn’t need a credit card. In the FTF agents usually have certain provisions set aside, you know if we need to suddenly disappear. Weapons, money, cell phones. They’re virtually untraceable. She could have gotten her hands on a fake passport pretty easily too, I just don’t know why she’d need to.” He filled Emily in while Garcia continued her research. 

“Ok, Spencer has not used his credit card in weeks. His last purchase was for a worrying amount of scotch at a liquor store near his apartment. His cell phone is off, no surprise there it has been for a while, and it last pinged off a cell phone tower near his home. No activity on his passports either.” Garcia sounded downtrodden. 

“What about his car? Has anyone seen it at his apartment? I can’t remember if it was there or not when I went.” Emily asked them both. 

“I don’t remember.” Garcia agreed. “I think Jayje is going over there this weekend to check on him, I can ask her to look.” 

“Thanks Garcia.” Emily spoke and then she sighed and was taking him off speaker and he heard footsteps. She didn’t speak until she was in her office with the door closed. 

“Luke, I know you care about her but just take a second here.” She sounded mildly frustrated. 

“What do you mean?” Luke frowned at the device in his hand. 

“I know in our line of work it's hard not to jump to the worst possible conclusion but did you consider she just wanted to get away? You’re hearing hoofbeats and jumping to zebras.” 

“No,” Luke was quick to counter. “She tells me everything. Something is wrong here, Emily. I know her. She wouldn’t do this.”

“The evidence is not pointing to anything suspicious, Alvez.” Emily exhaled loudly. 

“Not suspicious?” He scoffed. “She lied about where she was going, she’s using a burner phone. She got down to Illinois without her car or the use of her passport. My gut is telling me something isn’t right, Emily.” 

“I’m sorry but I need you home, we’re swamped as it is. I’ve given you leeway on this, but it’s time to come home.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He agreed sadly. “I’ll catch a flight later today. I’m gonna keep trying to call her on the off chance I can get hold of her before I leave.”

“Good idea. Stay safe.” Emily agreed. 

“Bye.” He disconnected the call, feeling thoroughly downtrodden. 

Something really didn’t feel right in his gut. And Luke Alvez always trusted his gut. As the sinking feeling really started to set in, feeling like a gaping hole in the pit of his stomach, he stared at his cell phone and begged it to ring. 

Tell me not to worry, Y/N, just call and tell me not to worry. 

But of course the phone didn’t magically start ringing. This worry wasn’t helping anyone, it was only causing him to feel sick. But he wouldn’t stop until he’d gotten to the bottom of this. 

This sinking feeling sets,

It feels just like a hole inside your chest.

I know you're thinking,

No, no, no, no, it is easier said than done.

But please let me attest,

I know it's hard.

You're feeling like you're trapped,

But that's how you react,

When you cannot see the light.

But try and see the light,

I'm tellin' you,

No, no, no, no.

You're the only one,

Standing in your way.

Just take a breath,

Relax, and tell me,

Why?

Please tell me why do we worry?

Why?

Why do we worry at all?

Why?

Just tell me, why do we worry?

When worry is never helping,

Tell me why, why worry at all?

Why do we insist,

On crossing bridges that do not exist?

Let's take these issues,

Step by step by step, to work it out.

Day by day by day we're falling down,

But life goes on.

I've got some questions,

Are you sick of feelin' sorry? (Uh huh)

And people sayin' not to worry? (Uh huh)

Sick of hearing this hakuna matata motto,

From people who won the lotto,

We're not that lucky.

Have you noticed that you're breathing? (Uh huh)

Look around and count your blessings (Uh huh).

So when you're sick of all this stressin' and guessin' I'm,

Suggestin' you turn this up and let them hear you sing it.

Why?

Please tell me why do we worry?

Why?

Why do we worry at all?

Why?

Just tell me, why do we worry?

When worry is never helping,

Tell me why, why worry at all?

Chin up, quit actin' like you're half dead,

Tears can only half tell how you're feelin',

Don't worry, be happy baby.

Stand up, life is too damn short,

That clock is ticking.

Man up, if ya feel me,

Everybody sing it,

Why?

Please tell me why do we worry?

Why?

Why do we worry at all?

Why?

Just tell me, why do we worry?

When worry is never helping,

Tell me why, why worry at all?

Why?

Please tell me why do we worry?

Why?

Why do we worry at all?

Why?

Just tell me, why do we worry?

When worry is never helping,

I'm not buying what they're selling.

So if worry is never helping,

Tell me why, why worry at all?

@andiebeaword @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @bubblebuttwade @jay-2s-world @daddy-dotcom

[hyugaruma]

H&L: Drunk Texting HCs

☆

re: in which they’re drunk texting you…

“woman” used

☆

Masaki

• Alright, so he’s about what you’d expect him to be… If you’re thinking cheery and flirtatious, you’re right. Almost obnoxiously so. If you don’t respond quick enough, he’ll be blowing your phone up with every little thought that he has. “Do yuo remmember when we first met? Did yup think I was cool?” “Doyou think birds get sad?” “Wish food was opne…hungry.”

• His texting isn’t atrocious, but there’s definitely some word-deciphering to be done here and there. Seems to consistently type “you” wrong.

• Sends a blurry selfie or two. You save them, obviously, because his adorable smile is to die for. Yeah, go ahead and make that his contact picture too. Oh, but he expects a selfie in return, obviously. “Let me see yup beaotiful, send yuor beautful face.”

Hyuga

• This guy doesn’t text. He just doesn’t. What’s an emoji? He has no idea. However, on the occasion when drinking, if you aren’t around, he may whip his phone out and start texting you. Though, it’s mostly just him telling you to come to wherever he is. “Come over” “It’s 1 in the morning…” “Fine I’m coming to you” And don’t doubt him, because he will. Because he’d much rather actually be with you than just texting you.

• If he can’t see you, he’ll probably opt to calling you at some point as his vision grows blurry and texting becomes increasingly more difficult. Will accidentally call someone else though, because he can’t figure that damn phone out. Old man Hyuga. “Hah? Who’s this? Why’re you with my woman? …Ah, sorry Ukyo, wrong number.”

• Will most definitely pass out at some point, but not without saying goodnight first. He’s a gentleman, after all. Rolls eyes. “Night see you tomorrow” “Wait, Nori, did we have plans tomorrow? Nori?” Aaaand he’s out.

Hirai

• One word: needy. Something akin to a puppy, but maybe even worse than that. At least puppies eventually wear themselves out, but Hirai seems to be on an endless timer when drunk. Remind him that you love him, he’s begging you. Call him cute, that’d make him really happy. “You still love me, right? You seemed like you were mad at me the other day and I just wanted to say that—“ cue very long paragraph with a bunch of nonsense. Sigh.

• Lots of heart emojis. Like, almost at the end of every text. Always pink hearts too, like the one he has next to your contact name. “Just watching some show, what’re you up to ♡”

• Really just wants to remind you how much you mean to him, how cute you are, how much he needs you… Please don’t leave him on read, even if he gets a tad annoying. He gets his feelings hurt really easily when drunk, especially if it’s by his beloved. Also, he’s a bit embarrassed by it all the next day… Don’t use it against him, he really can’t bare it.

Dan

• Incoherent. That’s it. Like, you have to wonder if he’s typing with his eyes closed. “Covet said smthhg I can remembrance” “Covet” “COBRA DAMSIT” “Want smoe chzzy Roman” …Yeah, good luck figuring that all out.

• At some point he’s practically typing while asleep, but is still so adamant about texting you that his fingers seem to have a mind of their own. You can ignore his illegible texts, he really won’t blame you. In fact, it’s probably for the better. That way he can eventually forget about his phone and actually go to sleep.

• If out in public, will probably end up losing his phone somewhere throughout the night. It wouldn’t be the first time. He also dropped it in a toilet once. Yeah, maybe he needs to stop drunk texting you…

Brown

• If one thing is consistent about his phone drunk self and his real life drunk self, it’s how flirty is. Like, borderline inappropriate. If the two of you weren’t already dating, you definitely would have blocked him. He really can’t help himself though, he just thinks you’re so sexy. What’s a man to do? “Send some pics, doll” “Pics of what?” “Everything” Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately?) you can probably expect him to send a few pictures himself… I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

• Pretty sporadic and inconsistent texts, especially if he’s out drinking instead of at home. Sometimes it’ll be seconds between replies, and sometimes hours. There’s really no telling, so don’t bother trying to have some sort of consistent conversation with him. “Miss you, doll” “I just saw you earlier this afternoon” [2 hours later] “Sorry, was trying to find your point” “-_-“

• This man has no shame. He will not feel any regrets for anything he says or does the following sober morning. In fact, expect this sort of drunk behavior pretty often. No matter what choice of scenery he’s chosen to drink in, he’ll always end up texting you. Well, at least you know his focus is always on you.