#he really cared so much GUYS HE CARED SO MUCH IT AINT FAIR i miss him everyday

[fishi-um]

Can we plz talk about how everyone is looking forward but only kahaku is looking back at fushi in the new color page

[weapon13whitefang]

Here’s why I, personally, don’t think the Daryl Spoiler is as big of a fucking deal as people are making it out to be.

So it’s all over the fandom by now, Imma just say shit now. If you don’t wanna know, don’t read anymore okay? Sorry not sorry at this point.

For those that don’t know what I’m talking about and want to know, here’s the scoop – This is all told in flashback due to Dog leading Daryl and Carol to a Cabin Daryl recognizes. In the flashback, after the bridge explosion that “killed” Rick, Daryl seems to still be off wandering the woods and searching the water for Rick’s body (As we knew he was).  We don’t know his state of mind or how he’s acting but if this isn’t long after Rick’s “Death” then he’s most likely still in mourning.

Well then Daryl runs into a woman named Leah, which we see a glimpse of this woman in one of the trailers (Which, honestly, is so quick and brief and for a second I thought it was Magna funny enough but annyywayyy), and at first she’s very stand-offish and up in arms against Daryl (understandable, most of the survivors that don’t know each other tend to be hostile/guarded against each other). She seems to realize Daryl isn’t a threat and the two part ways.

We’re give moments of time that show Daryl and Leah keep running into each other as he’s searching for Rick and Leah is doing whatever she is doing. We aren’t specified on how these constant run-ins are played out. We don’t know if Daryl talks to her or she confronts him a lot. We don’t know. We just know that time goes by and that they’ve formed a relationship with each other. We don’t get any specifics, again, besides she’s cooking for him at his camp, they’re snuggles up watching stars together, and apparently there’s a hint that they’re noodling with one another because the. we see Daryl and Leah under a blanket together in front of a fire and she snuggles him closer to her… And we get Dog as a Puppy… Which, does that mean Daryl and Leah found dog together? Or was Dog Leah’s dog and she left him to Daryl? Or what?... Oh well, Puppy Dog! Also… They don’t SHOW Daryl having sex. It’s implied, sure, but anything can look sexually implied with the right lighting and angle. So if they did bump uglies, I don’t know for certain until I get to SEE the episode.

Well, anyway, we then go from snuggles by the fire and puppies to back at the cabin with Leah telling Daryl that he needs to start choosing what he wants because she thinks he’s all over the place… Now, to be fair, it’s kind of always been that Daryl gets dragged all over the place. He’s torn between his loyalty to Rick and finding him, his loyalty to those in Alexandria, and now apparently his whatever relationship with Leah. Well if Daryl says anything to this, I don’t know the spoiler doesn’t say. But he apparently leaves and goes back to his search for Rick’s body before he’s back at the camp. Which leads to a meetup with Carol, who comes by his camp to bring him stuff but also to tell him she isn’t going to be able to visit him anymore because Ezekiel and Henry need her at the Kingdom (which explains a little to why Daryl seemed surprised to see her later on when she and Henry go looking for him). This news seems to settle things for Daryl and he wanders back to the cabin for Leah… But Leah isn’t there. But her shit is still around, so Daryl believes she’ll be back. So he leaves her, basically, a little love note. “I belong here with you. Come find me.” But it’s implied she chose to just leave him, even knowing the routes he takes to look for Rick and how to get to his camp.

So… that’s the big booharah that has everyone shitting themselves and freaking the fuck out… Over what? This is a flashback. FLASHBACK. Something that happened during the missing years of the time jump… This implies Daryl has been out in the woods for YEARS looking for Rick, first of all (Which OMG my fucking heart. Knew this but the confirmation makes my heart want to cry for their brotherly love U3U ). But this whole mess has shown me that… A lot of people would rather have Daryl alone and miserable in the woods than find any form of comfort in someone. He’s lonely for fuck sake! He’s lonely, his best friend said she won’t be coming around anymore, his brother-friend is “Dead”, and he’s not happy back at Alexandria without being able to put Rick to rest but doesn’t wanna be far from them in case they need him… He’s just a lonely guy. And, I’m sorry, but this belief that Daryl needs to be alone for six/seven years… That’s just cruel.

But here’s what is making me laugh. This is OBVIOUSLY a show of character develop for Daryl. About why he is more comfortable with opening up to someone like Connie (this isn’t a ship call out, this is an observation). That Daryl can be open to having a romantic interest when, up until now, he’s been the lone wolf character just floating around everyone. No real settlement to a character (no matter what you all think or wanna say, Daryl was never in-canon called out as being with any character in a romantic way. Can still say the same for Leah to). This was an opening for Daryl to not be alone anymore, because Carol wasn’t gonna be coming around anymore and no one else came out to help him/stay with him. So I don’t blame him for reaching for someone he connected to, even if only briefly. If Daryl is comfortable with you/cares for you in any capacity, he will reach out for you. And whether we like it or not, he got comfortable with Leah. He let her snuggle him, guys. That’s a big sign he was okay with her. Sexy time aside, whatever. He was something with her and she to him and then she was just outty-3000. Which is really sad for him... Someone else he was close to stopped coming around. Like, Damn. Daryl can’t catch a break. Also, let it be noted, he didn’t go chasing her down. He could’ve easily tracked Leah down to stay with her/let her know in person he’s picking her... He didn’t. That tells me a lot. That should tell you all a lot!

Third thing is… This happened IN THE PAST. This means that the Daryl we see that Carol and Henry finds and up until now is still the same Daryl we’ve been seeing. This doesn’t change his narrative. It just adds more layers to him. It shows more growth, That’s great after all those seasons of Daryl having no lines or actions or any growth. It’s downright beautiful to me!

Nothing has changed for Daryl. He’s still the same as he was… Well right now he’s very angry and hurt and fighting with Carol, but he’s in a raw state right now. Remembering something like that then having a recent heart wrenching event be brought back up – the Connie trapped thing – has made Daryl’s hackles rise and he’s lashing out. We know that’s what Daryl does. He bites hard and digs into what makes you upset. Like when he threw the stuff about Beth cutting her wrist at her. He said that to specifically hurt her. Just as he threw the “No… That’s on You. That’s on you because you never know when to stop”. He held back on biting her head off back when the event happened. Which shows a lot of growth from Daryl and a lot of maturity. But he’s raw and upset so he’s digging at her.

This won’t end their friendship. Friends and couples fight all the time. This doesn’t mean they’re finished with each other. For the Carylers out there hissing a fit, these two are raw and broken characters and sometimes two similar characters hurt each other cause they know how to. But that doesn’t mean they hate each other. And I believe Daryl when he said “I aint ever gonna hate you”. He’s just angry and Carol is defensive and that’s not a good combo for anyone together...

For you Bethylers, so what if he fucked someone else? It’s not like Daryl was an actual virgin. Norman said he liked the idea of playing Daryl LIKE a virgin. But I always took that as emotionally. He’s an emotional virgin learning to experience and grow and shy about his feelings and understanding them…. He’s MERLE DIXON’S little brother. He followed Merle around. You think Daryl didn’t fuck around when he and Merle were running around? Look at Season 1 Daryl. That boy was a rough around wild man. Aint no way he never fucked before. Or at least got a blow job. I’m not saying he couldn’t be, but I don’t see Merle letting his brother move about with him without getting fucked/not letting his brother come off as gay (To put it in Merle’s colorful term). Not the way those characters were before S3. Nah.

For the Donnie fans, this just explains why he’s been so easy to open to Connie. He’s had practice letting someone in and being comfortable with the idea of it again. Connie also makes it easy on him by being her adorable and understanding self. Without Daryl’s growth into a previous emotional/physical relationship, I don’t see them connecting as quickly as they did.

I really do not see why this has everyone in a frantic state, Maybe I just look at things differently? Or I just don’t care that much about who Daryl ends up with forever. As long as he’s in a good headspace and happy… Let Daryl Fuck! Let him develop away from the Alexandrian’s and everyone else. Let him develop at all, Jesus…

[wisherbysharlight]

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

 -He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

 -Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

 -Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

 -Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me 

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

 -Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

 -Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading. 

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

 -the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

 -one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

 -the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

 -Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr 

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact? 

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs 

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

 -Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

 -Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

 -first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

 -there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

 -Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

 -Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM 

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now 

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours 

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

 -They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

 -Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you 

Roman: You just dont get it 

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

 Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid 

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that 

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

 Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL 

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

 Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

 -the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

 -Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

 -Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

 AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

[bonsai62]

Skate The Infinity Epsiode 7

2min into the episode: “Woah, pretty good!”

6min into the episode: “Oh, that guy’s some lowlife that just hangs out with him”

Towards the end of the episode: “You and I aren’t a good match anymore”

First of all people...

Wtf??! Omg wtf 😭?! Who—-I-huh?!

Them mf really got us the first half tbh!! Like who in their righteous mind said “Aye, let’s make Reki be jealous of Langa, yeah?!” I really want to know who created this storyboard? Who is in Skate♾ team??! We just wanna talk??!

Aint these the same mf who did some of yall dirty in Banana Fish? (I never watched it but I heard it’s sad) well I hate to tel you is that they’re not done with your depression yet!

Ok! Ok! Ok! Real talk now!

Reki:

So, I started watching the episode with a big smile on my face but after 5min to 6min, I knew some bullshit was gonna go down when even Reki’s friends were saying that Langa is learning hella quick. Plus, Shadow kinda disrespected him too by saying “the one that’s not Langa” like cmon. That isn’t cool, I think everyone in that anime knows that Reki was the one that trained him! Don’t get me started on the dudes who were talking shit about Reki behind his back. They should know that those two are two peas in a pot and they’re always together so why the disrespect?

But of course we know! It’s at the fact that Langa is hella good at skating compared to Reki. However, we don’t know that fully yet. Reki hasn’t shown his whole self because he is busy training Langa. Literally, Reki dropped all of his self skating to train Langa. I have a small theory that he trained Langa and wanted someone to skate with him becasue his other friend gave up skating. Why did he give up skating? Who knows tbh... but now since everyone is putting stuff in Reki’s head he is gonna start feeling insecure. That is totally normal and realistic because honestly I would’ve noticed it too if people kept saying something. However, Reki was starting to notice but he didn’t pay much attention until episode 7.

Reki is a good ass character and puts his friends before himself. I know he is having a mental breakdown since skateboarding is something he’s been doing for a long time but he’s gonna give it time. I doubt he’ll drop a Langa just like that but to him he feels like he is way behind Langa and someday Langa would probably find someone better to skate with. That’s how I somehow see it. However, I don’t think that Reki sees that Langa is probably his number one fan and supporter lol!

Langa:

I’m a say this... you cannot blame Langa for having that rush feeling again. It isn’t fair telling him what to do and what not to do. But I see where Reki is coming from amd Reki is right; skating is fun and enjoyable not like what Adam thinks of skating. However, since again, Langa is all new to skateboarding of course he’s gonna have that rush and excitement feeling. You cannot stop someone from doing something they have missed. And to Langa skateboarding reminds him of snowboarding. So every time Langa sees someone who is good at skating, he is easily impressed and wants to probably skate with them. On today’d episode, he took it a lik too far on going fast which he could’ve gotten hurt but luckily Joe snapped him out of it.

Again, we all know why Langa has a big advantage when it comes to being good on a skateboard; it’s becasue of snowboarding. Reki and everyone of Langa’s friends notices that. Also, we have to remember that he’s been snowboarding since he was two. That is hella young age to start something and guess what! The more you practice the better you become at it. It’s the same with skateboarding. He got better because of snowboarding and becasue of practicing.

Today’s episode was overall sad but yet I had a feeling it was coming. I’m not going to worry too much about it becasue I think both Langa and Reki need to talk and express how they both feel with each other and everything. I honestly feel like if Langa heard what those guys were saying about Langa, he would defiantly tell them off. Ugh, if that happens please, it will make Reki like “damn so he really does care” 😭

[waveypedia]

complete and utter chaos [ducktales group chat fic] - Chapter 1

AO3 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

~

group chat: let kids be kids

Junior-Woodchuck74, ICanDeweyIt, Lou, TheWebbedWonder, lenaonme, Violet-Sabrewing

 1:47 pm

TheWebbedWonder: hey guys

TheWebbedWonder: This group chat is amazing!!!

TheWebbedWonder: I’ve never really been part of a group chat before so i love it!!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: To be fair, you didn’t have a phone before Uncle Donald

TheWebbedWonder: Yes, and I am forever grateful to him

ICanDeweyIt: Dadnald strikes again!!

TheWebbedWonder: Anyway

TheWebbedWonder: You know what would be fun?

Lou: what

TheWebbedWonder: Let’s make a group chat for the whole family!!

Lou: But we already have a family gc

TheWebbedWonder: I know

TheWebbedWonder: But we don’t have one with the extended family!!

ICanDeweyIt: omg that’d be so chaotic

ICanDeweyIt: IM IN

TheWebbedWonder: HECK YEAH

new group chat: Family Groupchat!!!

 1:56 pm

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl created chat

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl added Junior-Woodchuck74, ICanDeweyIt, green-sharpie, aw-phooey, Scrooge-McDuck, worldsgreatestadventurer, 22, TheCrashiestCrash, lenaonme, Violet-Sabrewing, and ghostbutler.

aw-phooey: Webs

aw-phooey: We already have a family group chat

Scrooge-McDuck: Aye, I do not need more of these blasted text messages making my phone make noises

Scrooge-McDuck: it’s quite distracting when I’m in a board meeting

green-sharpie: dude just mute the chat

aw-phooey: Louie he is not allowed to mute the chat

aw-phooey: you know the rules

worldsgreatestadventurer: besides that would be no fun >:(

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Hang on

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Im adding more people I just have to find their usernames

Violet-Sabrewing: *I’m

lenaonme: omg vi cmon

Violet-Sabrewing: Lena, we are sisters. You know me well. Did you not think I would correct Webbigail’s grammar?

lenaonme: yea

lenaonme: but webby needs to maintain her excited aesthetic

Violet-Sabrewing: Understandable.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl added worldsgreatestinventor, TotallyNotGizmoduck, ihaveahead!!!, worldsgreatestinvention, Lucky-Gander, mutant-krill!!!!,  purpleisforthegays, Indy_Sabrewing, moonlander-general, and Wine-Aunt

worldsgreatestinventor: what on earth

worldsgreatestinventor: this is ridiculous

TotallyNotGizmoduck: agree to disagree Dr. Gearloose

TotallyNotGizmoduck: This is so cool!!!

worldsgreatestinventor: believe what you want fenton, but i am inherently correct

ICanDeweyIt: like i said

ICanDeweyIt: SO chaotic

worldsgreatestadventurer: Gyro!!!

worldsgreatestadventurer: One of us is gonna have to change

TotallyNotGizmoduck: But Gyro and Lil’ Bulb match!!! It’s so cute!!!

TheCrashiestCrash: aww!!

worldsgreatestinvention: agreed we are adorable

worldsgreatestadventurer: ok now two of us will have to change.

worldsgreatestadventurer: LIL’ BULB

Junior-Woodchuck74: This is going to be so confusing

ICanDeweyIt: AND CHAOTIC

moonlander-general: Dewey, you have a one-track mind.

worldsgreatestinventor: Fenton for the love of all things science I thought I told you to change your ridiculous name!

TotallyNotGizmoduck: I changed it in the Team Science group chat!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: YOU HAVE A TEAM SCIENCE GROUP CHAT????

lenaonme: damn huey

lenaonme: that was intense

green-sharpie: trust me lena u aint seen nothin yet

Violet-Sabrewing: Louie, your grammar is atrocious.

Junior-Woodchuck74: Trust me Vi he knows

Junior-Woodchuck74: He does it on purpose

Scrooge-McDuck: What was that blasted thing you said?

Scrooge-McDuck: For the aztec???

Violet-Sabrewing: I believe you may mean aesthetic?

Violet-Sabrewing: It means for visual appeal.

green-sharpie: right on vi

green-sharpie: lena were finally getting to her

green-sharpie: she understands pop culture

Indy_Sabrewing: I will not let you corrupt my beautiful daughter!

Indy_Sabrewing: She is wonderful the way she is.

Indy_Sabrewing: Of course, if Violet wishes to learn pop culture, she may.

Violet-Sabrewing: I do, thank you Dad!

purpleisforthegays: I, for one, am glad.

lenaonme: SIR

lenaonme: POPS

lenaonme: you have my respect forever

purpleisforthegays: Good to hear!

lenaonme: best name goes to ty sabrewing!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: omg agreed

lenaonme: also he’s right

TheCrashiestCrash: Yeah!

TheCrashiestCrash: I think my friend would agree

purpleisforthegays: Thank you Lena! I love you!

lenaonme: sdfghhgfsldkfsslfdejsdhshdgs

lenaonme: <3 <3

lenaonme: im not gonna do my chores when i’m in teenage rebellion mode tho

purpleisforthegays: Hmm

purpleisforthegays: Disappointing.

Indy_Sabrewing: what did you expect honey

Scrooge-McDuck: Lena what is that… thing you just typed?

moonlander-general: did you just have a stroke? Is she in good health?

ICanDeweyIt: it’s a keysmash Uncle Scrooge

Violet-Sabrewing: It is a way to express intense emotion.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: lena was overwhelmed by the love!! Which we will continue to give because she’s a beautiful angel who deserves all the love in the world!!!

lenaonme: omg webs

lenaonme: 💖💕💜💖💕💖💖💖💜💜💕💕💕💖💖💙

TheCrashiestCrash: it’s like a crash… but in text form!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Somehow, that is accurate.

Violet-Sabrewing: @moonlander-general Lena is okay!

moonlander-general: I am relieved.

moonlander-general: not that I was worried about her

worldsgreatestadventurer: aww, Penny! You care!!

moonlander-general: …

moonlander-general: Fine.

lenaonme: thanks Penny

Junior-Woodchuck74: @worldsgreatestinventor @TotallyNotGizmoduck @ihaveahead!!! @worldsgreatestinvention ADD ME TO THE TEAM SCIENCE GROUPCHAT YOU COWARDS

worldsgreatestinventor: you’re still on about that huh

ihaveahead!!!: done

worldsgreatestinventor: MANNY

ihaveahead!!!: dr. gearloose u should know this by now.

ihaveahead!!!: i am no coward.

worldsgreatestinvention: i can confirm this.

worldsgreatestinventor: YOU CAN’T ADD PEOPLE TO MY GROUP CHAT WITHOUT MY CONSENT

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Actually, it’s technically my groupchat. I set it up.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: Dewey and I set up your account, remember Dr. Gearloose?

worldsgreatestinventor: ...

worldsgreatestinventor: You still need to change your name, Fenton.

TotallyNotGizmoduck: fine.

TotallyNotGizmoduck changed their name to Blathering-Blatherskite

worldsgreatestinventor: That’s not much better.

worldsgreatestadventurer: you also need to change your name gyro!!

worldsgreatestadventurer: you too lil’ bulb

worldsgreatestinvention: i disagree

22: This is becoming tiring.

22 changed worldsgreatestadventurer’s name to Della

22 changed worldsgreatestinventor’s name to Gyro

22 changed worldsgreatestinvention’s name to Lil’ Bulb

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Granny!!!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I know you don’t usually use group chats so it’s nice to see you 🥰 💕

22: Webby, I’m sitting across the room from you.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Aw c’mon Granny you know what I mean 💕🥺

22: ...Nice to see you too, dear.

Della: >:O

Della: enough with the soft fluff melting my heart

Della: MRS. B!!!

Della: betrayed by my own housekeeper/bodyguard/mentor *sad emoji*

Junior-Woodchuck74: Mom you know you can actually use emojis right?

Della: whatever

Della changed their name to Adventure-Pilot

Adventure-Pilot: @Gyro truce?

Gyro: Fine.

Gyro: I accept.

Gyro: But don’t believe that this is so easily forgotten!!

Adventure-Pilot: aww I’ve missed our prank wars!!

Gyro changed their name to wildlymisunderstood

wildlymisunderstood: i haven’t.

Adventure-Pilot: awwwww!!!

Adventure-Pilot: I speak Gyro. I know you’re really saying i love you Della and i missed you too!!

wildlymisunderstood: ...i am not. your gyrospeak is incorrect.

Blathering-Blatherskite: I actually speak Gyro and I can attest to this.

Blathering-Blatherskite: He’s actually saying: I hate your prank wars with a passion but I still missed you and I feel responsible for the Spear of Selene breaking down.

wildlymisunderstood: Cabrera!!!

wildlymisunderstood: i told you that in confidence!!!

Blathering-Blatherskite: Oh no

Blathering-Blatherskite: I’m “Cabrera” again

wildlymisunderstood: you dug your own grave

Blathering-Blatherskite: DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET HIM TO CALL ME FENTON????

green-sharpie: ...i can tell ur really upset about it…

Junior-Woodchuck74: Louie c’mon

aw-phooey: louie

Scrooge-McDuck: bless me bagpipes

Scrooge-McDuck: I do not want to go through this again

Blathering-Blatherskite: ...I may have messed up.

wildlyunderstood: MAY??

lenaonme: tbh we all knew that, mr. mad scientist.

wildlymisunderstood: excuse me! it is doctor mad scientist to you!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: after what happened in Tokyolk I’m not 100% sure you even have a doctorate

lenaonme: damn y’all got to go to tokyolk

lenaonme: lucky

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: ikr

Junior-Woodchuck74: trust me it was very stressful

Junior-Woodchuck74: But also fun!

aw-phooey has changed wildlymisunderstood’s name to dr. mad scientist

dr. mad scientist: thank you.

dr. mad scientist: i guess.

Scrooge-McDuck: Aye Gyro, it’s not a secret.

Scrooge-McDuck: But all is well. I never blamed you and neither did Della

Adventure-Pilot: huh, I never knew that. Sorry gy-man

Adventure-Pilot: uncle scrooge is right. I don’t blame you dude

dr. mad scientist: … good to hear, i guess.

dr. mad scientist: i’m glad you’re back, della.

Adventure-Pilot: <3 <3 <3 <3 I love you too!!!!!

dr. mad scientist: ugh, affection. disgusting.

Lil’ Bulb: he loves it.

dr. mad scientist: besides i’m gay.

Adventure-Pilot: that’s not what I meant and you know it.

Junior-Woodchuck74: heck yeah for platonic affection!!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: heck yeah!!

ICanDeweyIt: heck yeah!!

mutant-krill!!!!: heck yeah!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: FETHRY

aw-phooey: hi feth!!

green-sharpie: wait there are more people

green-sharpie: this chat is confusing enough, webs.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Just you wait!! I have a list of people I’d like to add that aren’t in the chat yet!!

green-sharpie: wait is this one of your meticulously planned out fantasies-turned-schemes?

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: yep!!

lenaonme: wow what a surprise.

Violet-Sabrewing: Ah, it’s nice to see another one of your thoughtful plans play out successfully, Webbigail!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: thank you Vi!! 💖💖

mutant-krill!!!!: Hi Huey!! I miss you!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: I miss you too!!

moonlander-general: why are you so passionate about “mutant krill”?

mutant-krill!!!!: my dearest companion, Mitzy, is a mutant krill!!

moonlander-general: hmm. Understood slightly, may need more context in the future.

ICanDeweyIt: i’ll fill you in later Penny dw.

mutant-krill!!!!: Mitzy says hi, everyone.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Hi Mitzy!!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Hi Mitzy!!

Adventure-Pilot: Hi Mitzy!!

aw-phooey: hi mitzy!!

Violet-Sabrewing: Hi, Mitzy!!

Violet-Sabrewing: Even though I have not met you yet.

mutant-krill!!!!: Mitzy says it’s nice to meet you, Violet!!!

mutant-krill!!!!: and I say that, as well!!

Violet-Sabrewing: It’s nice to meet you too, Fethry!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Isn’t it wild that some of our family has just straight up

Junior-Woodchuck74: never met each other

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: yeah

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: We should have a big introduction party!!

TheCrashiestCrash: That’d be fun!!

TheCrashiestCrash: i’ll help you plan webs!!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Thanks LP!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: @ghostbutler @Junior-Woodchuck74 join the planning committee!

ghostbutler: hmm

ghostbutler: no.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: c’mon you’ll get to prove you’re a better party planner than Huey!

Junior-Woodchuck74: hey!

ghostbutler: i already did that.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Do it again, then!

Indy_Sabrewing: Excuse me, but is that not essentially the purpose of this chat?

Scrooge-McDuck: Ack, the lass is right. this newfangled tech cannot beat face-to-face interactions!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: 🥰

lenaonme: scrooge grandpa moment

aw-phooey: HAHAHAAHAHAHA

Scrooge-McDuck: excuse me lass

aw-phooey: scrooge grandpa moment

Scrooge-McDuck: DONALD DUCK

aw-phooey: hahahahaha

Scrooge-McDuck: I AM YOUR UNCLE

Scrooge-McDuck: Show some respect

Scrooge-McDuck: YOU TOO LENA SABREWING

lenaonme: 😔😔

lenaonme: 😘

aw-phooey: you lost my respect a long time ago and you know it

TheCrashiestCrash: You have my respect, Mr. McDee!!

TheCrashiestCrash: So do you Mr. Dee!!

aw-phooey: thank u launchpad

aw-phooey: you have my respect too

Scrooge-McDuck: Aye

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Aww how wholesome!

green-sharpie: this chat is wild

ICanDeweyIt: why dear brother, that’s the point!!

22: Chaos is not a desired concept, Dewey.

Adventure-Pilot: agreed Dew chaos is fun!!

ICanDeweyIt: Heck yeah Mom validation!!

Adventure-Pilot: mom validation is here anytime you want it, sweetie!!

ICanDeweyIt: sdfghgfds

Adventure-Pilot: but also I’m here to spite Mrs. B for changing my glorious name.

dr. mad scientist: wasn’t all that glorious

Adventure-Pilot: you’d better watch yourself, gyro. The prank war is back on!!

Blathering-Blatherskite: Dang, you scared him!! Gyro just got up and sprinted out of the lab!

Scrooge-McDuck: ARE YOU ALL TEXTING WHEN I’M PAYING YOU TO WORK

Blathering-Blatherskite: blathering blatherskite

Junior-Woodchuck74: haha

lenaonme: ssksksksksks

Blathering-Blatherskite: well I can’t very well say it out loud!

TheCrashiestCrash: wait why?

Blathering-Blatherskite: uhhh

Blathering-Blatherskite: gotta go Scrooge just stormed down to the lab

ihaveahead!!!: lol

Wine-Aunt: eh chaos can be pretty useful sometimes.

aw-phooey: @Wine-Aunt change your name there are children here

mutant-krill!!!!: wow that was fast Donnie!

aw-phooey: that’s what happens when you have kids, feth.

Adventure-Pilot: agreed.

22: agreed.

Scrooge-McDuck: agreed.

Indy_Sabrewing: agreed.

purpleisforthegays: agreed.

ICanDeweyIt: aw cmon uncle donald we all know what wine is

ICanDeweyIt: Louie’s even had it before!

green-sharpie: seriously dewford???

aw-phooey: WHAT

aw-phooey: LOUIE DUCK

green-sharpie: brb

Wine-Aunt: haha

ICanDeweyIt: @Wine-Aunt you sowed so much chaos!!

ICanDeweyIt: Teach me ur ways

Wine-Aunt: hmm i’ll consider it. how much will you pay me?

ICanDeweyIt: uhh

ICanDeweyIt: i’m kinda broke

ICanDeweyIt: i spent all my money on tickets to see the featherweights last month with lena

lenaonme: it was lit tho you have to admit that

ICanDeweyIt: true

ICanDeweyIt: @Wine-Aunt n e ways do you accept handwritten personal monologues?

Wine-Aunt: no.

ICanDeweyIt: darn it i have so many of those!

TheCrashiestCrash: I’ll take one, Dewey!

Violet-Sabrewing: Launchpad, you have 25.

TheCrashiestCrash: Oh right!!

ICanDeweyIt: what about being a guest on my coveted youtube talk show, Dewey Dewnite!!!

ICanDeweyIt: also available on TikTok!

Wine-Aunt: honey.

Wine-Aunt: you’d be lucky to have me on your show.

Wine-Aunt: we can add that to your package if you’d prefer?

ICanDeweyIt: uhh sure

ICanDeweyIt: uhh @Scrooge-McDuck @aw-phooey @Adventure-Pilot @22 @ghostbutler please give me money

aw-phooey: no way

22: No way

ghostbutler: no way

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Hi Duckworth!!

ghostbutler: hello Webbigail

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: :D

Adventure-Pilot: I’d give you money but I’m also broke

Adventure-Pilot: I was on the moon for ten years! i don’t have a job, remember?

ICanDeweyIt: oh yeah

ICanDeweyIt: uncle scrooge?

Scrooge-McDuck: it’s bad enough that Louie is consorting with Goldie and seeking her expertise. I will not support or fund your attempts to mimic him

ICanDeweyIt: wait that’s goldie?

ICanDeweyIt: as in AUNT goldie???

Wine-Aunt: this name is not for you.

Scrooge-McDuck: are you sure about that, love?

Wine-Aunt changed their name to wreathedingold

wreathedingold: if you must know, I lost a bet.

TheCrashiestCrash: to who?

Violet-Sabrewing: *whom

Scrooge-McDuck: yes, I would like to know who bested Goldie O’Gilt!!

Scrooge-McDuck: Aside from me, of course

wreathedingold: my granddaughter dickie

Scrooge-McDuck: oh

green-sharpie: >:o @wreathedingold is MY mentor dewford!!

green-sharpie: you already have mom!!

ICanDeweyIt: she can have two mentees!!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: correction:

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: she can have three

wreathedingold: @Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl i refuse to teach you just for that name

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: *surprised pikachu meme*

Scrooge-McDuck: Hey

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl changed their name to TheWebbedWonder

Scrooge-McDuck: HEY

TheWebbedWonder: how’s that?

TheWebbedWonder: Besides Aunt Goldie

wreathedingold: don’t call me that

TheWebbedWonder: i know you’re actually threatened because you think you’re the ultimate scrooge fangirl

wreathedingold: no

lenaonme: sksdkdkskd

TheWebbedWonder: Eh lie to yourself all you want

green-sharpie: daaaaaang webs!!!

green-sharpie: proud of u

22: So am I

TheWebbedWonder: Awww!! 💜💕💖💕💙💜💙💖💕

moonlander-general: why is no one talking about the picture Webby posted

moonlander-general: what is that thing

moonlander-general: is it an earth species??

ICanDeweyIt: PENNY DOESN’T KNOW POKEMON

ICanDeweyIt: @aw-phooey @green-sharpie @Junior-Woodchuck74 @TheWebbedWonder @Blathering-Blatherskite @TheCrashiestCrash @Lil’ Bulb THIS CALLS FOR AN INTERVENTION

moonlander-general: is this “pokemon” really that important?

Blathering-Blatherskite: YES

Blathering-Blatherskite: albeit I really need to get back to work

Blathering-Blatherskite: intervention postponed?

ICanDeweyIt: fine

ICanDeweyIt: like this message if you want to join the Teach Penny Pokemon Group Chat!

This message was liked by Junior-Woodchuck74, aw-phooey, Lil’ Bulb, green-sharpie, Blathering-Blatherskite, Scrooge-McDuck, Adventure-Pilot, mutant-krill!!!!, TheWebbedWonder, lenaonme, Indy_Sabrewing, TheCrashiestCrash, and Lucky-Gander

Lil’ Bulb: add Gyro to the chat

ICanDeweyIt: sdfgfdf ok

dr. mad scientist: do not

ICanDeweyIt: hehehe too late!!

moonlander-general: I did not like the message

moonlander-general: Do not add me to the chat

Adventure-Pilot: You can’t get out of this, Penny

Adventure-Pilot: it’s a coveted earth custom

Adventure-Pilot: also I need to catch up on the latest games

Adventure-Pilot: apparently it’s in the real world now???

dr. mad scientist: wow you are behind

Lil’ Bulb: good thing ur in the chat

Adventure-Pilot: wow rude

aw-phooey: @Lucky-Gander i c u lurking

Lucky-Gander: I am

Lucky-Gander: what was it you said green bean

Lucky-Gander: Vibing?

green-sharpie: YES

green-sharpie: good job uncle gladstone

Lucky-Gander: It was a lucky guess ;)

aw-phooey: of course

mutant-krill!!!!: Hi Gladdy!!!

Lucky-Gander: Hi Fethry!!

Scrooge-McDuck: bless me bagpipes

Scrooge-McDuck: what in dismal downs does that mean?

Lucky-Gander: I’m vibing on a yacht I won yesterday Uncle McDunkle

Scrooge-McDuck: So does it mean freeloading?

Lucky-Gander: I’m not

Lucky-Gander: I won it with my own money

Lucky-Gander: Ooh I just found $20

Scrooge-McDuck: Xandra, coveted goddess of adventure, give me strength to get through this

aw-phooey: 😳

wreathedingold: huh when did you turn religious?

aw-phooey: he’s not

aw-phooey: he’s just mad at me because Panchito, José, and I went on secret adventures with Xandra

Adventure-Pilot: YOU WHAT

aw-phooey: oh no

aw-phooey: @22 @ghostbutler hide me

22: no

ghostbutler: no

22: You dug your own grave

green-sharpie: finally I can stop running

aw-phooey: no you can’t louie

aw-phooey: watch your back

green-sharpie: heck

green-sharpie: @ICanDeweyIt this is your fault dew

TheCrashiestCrash: Hey Webster

TheWebbedWonder: yes LP?

TheCrashiestCrash: You should add Panchito and José to this chat

TheCrashiestCrash: They’re family too!!

aw-phooey: YES

TheWebbedWonder: for sure! @aw-phooey can I get their usernames? They’re not in the McDuck Family Database

Scrooge-McDuck: how did you get into that

Scrooge-McDuck: I did not create that for the intention of a blasted group chat

TheWebbedWonder: On a completely unrelated note, thanks for giving me access to the archives uncle scrooge!!! I really appreciate it!!!

Scrooge-McDuck: bless me bagpipes

Scrooge-McDuck: I don’t like this chat, but you’re family Webbigail. Of course you get access

TheWebbedWonder: SJDKSKFGSKDHGDSGDUSBDGSSBD

TheWebbedWonder: 💕💕💖💖💕💜💜💙💖💖💕💙💕💖💙💜💖💖💙

22: Scrooge McDuck if you have killed my granddaughter I will kill you

Scrooge-McDuck: noted

aw-phooey: i’ll pm you once I defeat dell and find louie @TheWebbedWonder

Adventure-Pilot: YOU WON’T GET AWAY FROM ME THAT EASILY

aw-phooey: yes i will

TheWebbedWonder: Thanks Uncle Donald!!

TheWebbedWonder: @wreathedingold will you mentor me now? I have a different name!

wreathedingold: you still have to pay me

Scrooge-McDuck: Goldie stop running cons on my kids

TheCrashiestCrash: I’ll mentor you Webster!!

TheWebbedWonder: Thanks LP!!

TheCrashiestCrash: anytime!!

TheCrashiestCrash: Our first session will be watching every single Darkwing Duck episode!!

22: Wait that is what we did last week

22: Is Launchpad mentoring me??

Scrooge-McDuck: HAHAHAHA

ghostbutler: HAHAHAHAHA

22: @Scrooge-McDuck @ghostbutler You would do well to watch your backs and sleep with one eye open. Bentina Beakley does not forget insults.

green-sharpie: ooooooo

ICanDeweyIt: *eating-popcorn-gif*

lenaonme: dewey no

Lil’ Bulb: @ICanDeweyIt come on

moonlander-general: I am pleased with the amount of combat sparked from this chat.

aw-phooey: i’m not

Indy_Sabrewing: Neither am I. This is concerning.

Violet-Sabrewing: What did you expect from the McDuck family?

lenaonme: uncle d you’ve been doing half the fighting

Lucky-Gander: Yeah Don you don’t have much of a leg to stand on here.

aw-phooey: tell louie and della to stop acting out then

Adventure-Pilot: You’re the one who acted out!

aw-phooey: oh no, i did stuff with my friends, the horror.

aw-phooey: kids, this is not an example for you to follow.

green-sharpie: darn it!

TheWebbedWonder: @TheCrashiestCrash sounds exciting!! I’m there!!

TheCrashiestCrash: Yay!! Mrs. Beakley can join us as well!!

22: no

TheWebbedWonder: @wreathedingold you’re still mentoring me though

wreathedingold: hmm let me think about that

wreathedingold: no.

TheCrashiestCrash: yes! I am the superior mentor!

 new group chat: Teach Penny and Mom Pokemon Group Chat!!!!

 3:02 pm

ICanDeweyIt created the chat

ICanDeweyIt added moonlander-general, Junior-Woodchuck74, aw-phooey, worldsgreatestinvention, green-sharpie, TotallyNotGizmoduck, Scrooge-McDuck, worldsgreatestadventurer, mutant-krill!!!!, Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl, lenaonme, Indy_Sabrewing, TheCrashiestCrash, worldsgreatestinventor, and Lucky-Gander

 Junior-Woodchuck74: I am not going through this again

Junior-Woodchuck74: @worldsgreatestinventor @worldsgreatestinvention @worldsgreatestadventurer change

worldsgreatestinventor: ugh fine

worldsgreatestinventor changed their name to wildlymisunderstood

worldsgreatestinvention changed their name to Lil’ Bulb

worldsgreatestadventurer changed their name to universesgreatestadventurer

universesgreatestadventurer: HAH

universesgreatestadventurer: @wildlymisunderstood TAKE THAT

wildlymisunderstood: whatever

wildlymisunderstood: it doesn’t have the same ring to it

universesgreatestadventurer: idc

universesgreatestadventurer: i went to space so worldsgreatestadventurer is inaccurate anyway

wildlymisunderstood: well i built the rocket that took you to space so I should be universesgreatestinventor!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Do not change your name Gyro

wildlymisunderstood: it’s dr. gearloose

Junior-Woodchuck74: if you do I’ll make Dewey come over to the lab and give you his 2.5 hour powerpoint presentation about how brilliant High School Musical is

ICanDeweyIt: HEY

ICanDeweyIt: it’s a good movie!

Junior-Woodchuck74: Not as good as you think it is

wildlymisunderstood: fine

ICanDeweyIt: :(

ICanDeweyIt: why must you wound me like this dear brother

moonlander-general left the chat

ICanDeweyIt added moonlander-general

ICanDeweyIt restricted leaving

moonlander-general: Hey!

 Family Group Chat!!!

 5:37 pm

ICanDeweyIt: wow that killed the chat

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: uncle scrooge is having a crisis

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: he won’t let me comfort him :(

mutant-krill!!!!: oh no, is Uncle Scrooge okay?

22: He is fine. He just did not realize something.

22: something obvious.

lenaonme: sssdfgfds

Blathering-Blatherskite: wow, this is like one of M’ma’s telenovas!

Junior-Woodchuck74: @TheWebbedWonder why is Officer Cabrera not in this chat? She’s family too!!

green-sharpie: yeah she makes the best food for family gatherings

lenaonme: agreed.

22: watch yourself, Louie.

ghostbutler: agreed, Louie.

22: I will come for you too, Duckworth!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I don’t have her number/username, Dew.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I told you guys I have a whole list of people i’d add if I could!

Blathering-Blatherskite: I’ll pm it to you Webs once I get off of work.

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: Thanks Fenton!

Scrooge-McDuck: now get back to work, Crackshell-Cabrera!

Blathering-Blatherskite: Right away, sir!

--

2:34 am

Lil’ Bulb: anyone up lol

ihaveahead!!!: yea lol

dr. mad scientist: what the heck go to sleep

dr. mad scientist: heck

dr. mad scientist: heck

dr. mad scientist: heck u

dr. mad scientist: motherhecker

dr. mad scientist: @aw-phooey STOP EDITING MY TEXTS

aw-phooey: this is a family groupchat. with CHILDREN.

aw-phooey: ur a father u should understand

dr. mad scientist: what no im not

Junior-Woodchuck74: What about Boyd?

Lil’ Bulb: what about ME???

aw-phooey: huey go to sleep or i’m taking your phone

Junior-Woodchuck74: what?! I’m the good kid!

ICanDeweyIt: hey!

aw-phooey: that goes for you too dew

TheCrashiestCrash: Haha that rhymes!

dr. mad scientist: @Junior-Woodchuck74 if Boyd wants to live with me he can

Junior-Woodchuck74: He does

dr. mad scientist: well he hasn’t said anything

22: Wow you are dense.

dr. mad scientist: hey!

Blathering-Blatherskite: Oh dear

Blathering-Blatherskite: Huey’s right though Dr. Gearloose…

dr. mad scientist: you’re still on cabrera terms shut up

Blathering-Blatherskite: oh blathering blatherskite

ihaveahead!!!: lol

PM between worldsgreatestinventor and Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl

 3:01 am

worldsgreatestinventor: @adefinitelyrealboy

worldsgreatestinventor: that is boyd’s number

worldsgreatestinventor: add him if you want

worldsgreatestinventor: i don’t care

 3:14 am

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: *wink emoji*

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I’m adding to my journal entries on the McDuck family that you are a father

worldsgreatestinventor: wtf webby you’re supposed to be asleep

worldsgreatestinventor: why am i in your journals

worldsgreatestinventor: erase my entries this instant!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: listen Dr. Gearloose

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I used to think that family means blood

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: but it doesn’t

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I’m family and so are you

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: so is Boyd, not because he’s basically your son but because he’s Huey’s good friend and now mine and the rest of the kids’

read 3:16 am

 3:23 am

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: sorry I didn’t mean to scare you off

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I’m not always great at social stuff

 3:25 am

worldsgreatestinventor: you’re fine

worldsgreatestinventor: i’m not either

worldsgreatestinventor: i left you on read because i didn’t know what to say but

worldsgreatestinventor: thanks webby

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: anytime <3

read 3:26 am

 group chat: Team Uncle McDunkle (les parentals)

Dadnald, Moneybags, acepilot, 22, purpleisforthegays, Indy_Sabrewing

 4:56 am

Dadnald added worldsgreatestinventor

Moneybags: donald go to sleep

Dadnald: nah

worldsgreatestinventor: oh come on

Dadnald: accept it gyro ur a dad now

Dadnald: one of us, one of us

purpleisforthegays: One of us, one of us

acepilot: one of us, one of us

worldsgreatestinventor: oh thank god i don’t have to change my name

acepilot: i’ll make you change it just for that

worldsgreatestinventor: >:(

22: everyone go to sleep right now

 PM between Scrooge-McDuck and Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl

 6:48 am

Scrooge-McDuck: Good morning Webby darling!

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: good morning Uncle Scrooge!

Scrooge-McDuck: You mentioned you have a list of people you would like to add to the family group chat?

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: yes, do you have any requests?

Scrooge-McDuck: Perhaps? I’m mailing a letter to my parents today, and I’ve decided to enclose smartphones so they can chat

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: YES

Scrooge-McDuck: Webbigail, I haven’t even asked yet

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: THEY CAN JOIN THE GROUPCHAT

Scrooge-McDuck: I take it they’re on your list?

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: ABSOLUTELY

Scrooge-McDuck: It’ll take a couple days to get through

Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl: I CAN’T WAIT

~

Okay, so there are a lot of names here! here's a nice handy list. The way I designed the chat system is like discord, where you have one set name and you can change it for individual servers, if that makes any sense. The actual chatting part of it isn't like a discord server with separate channels, but a regular text group chat. Hopefully that's not too confusing!

Huey: Junior-Woodchuck74 Dewey: ICanDeweyIt Louie: Lou / green-sharpie* Webby: TheWebbedWonder / Ultimate_Scrooge_Fangirl* Donald: aw-phooey* / Dadnald Scrooge: Scrooge-McDuck* / Moneybags Della: worldsgreatestadventurer* / Adventure-Pilot / universesgreatestadventurer /acepilot Beakley: 22 Launchpad: TheCrashiestCrash Lena: lenaonme Violet: Violet-Sabrewing Duckworth: ghostbutler Gyro: worldsgreatestinventor* / dr mad scientist / wildlymisunderstood Fenton: TotallyNotGizmoduck* / Blathering-Blatherskite Manny: ihaveahead!!! Lil' Bulb: worldsgreatestinvention* / Lil' Bulb Gladstone: Lucky-Gander Fethry: mutant-krill!!!! Indy: Indy_Sabrewing Ty: purpleisforthegays Goldie: Wine-Aunt* / wreathedingold Penny: moonlander-general

*main

thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed! This is mostly just a joke fic but yeah. It's really fun to explore the characters in this kind of low-stakes, fun setting.

btw, I don't usually do multichapter fics because I get long blocks of low motivation and energy, but I've already written two and a half chapters and this fic is by far the easiest to write since it's just silliness. I'd like to have started Chapter 4 before I post Chapter 2 but I don't wanna make you guys wait too long. So probably around a week or so.

Next chapter: Huey finally gets into the Team Science group chat (for no lack of trying on his part), Boyd joins the fray!

Chapter 2

[shhh-no-ones-home]

loud mouth colson baker(mgk) x reader

+++++++++ So I had a dream about him and it's all I've been thinking about all day so here ya go, this seems to be a theme lately lol

Song: aint talking bout love by van halen

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

"Wow you really know how to make a mess don't you."

My friend said, looking around at the room piled with clothes. I picked a shirt up and tossed it at him.

"Shut up, I told you I needed to clean out my closet."

He laughed at me, folding it and putting it in top of my desk.

"You're gonns need some serious help with this."

I began plucking clothing items off my bed and folding them.

"Yeah I know, colson's coming over later and so is Bree."

I watched John pick up another shirt and fold it.

"Lucky me for getting here early."

He joked. I sent him a knowing smile.

"Hey at least Id already started, everything is out of the closet and half of it I'm getting rid of."

I said proudly. He laughed a little at me.

"Okay, please tell me you are losing this one."

He said, hopeful, holding up a very old and worn out mgk shirt. I frowned and snatched it away from him.

"Of course not, colson gave me that the first time I ever went to one of his live shows."

John crossed his arms across his chest at me. Then there was a knock at my bedroom door, drawing our attention to colson standing in the doorway.

"I hope you don't mind I let myself in, the front door was unlocked."

He said with a smile. I dropped the shirt to the bed and went in for a hug.

"Of course not, I told you you can come in any time."

He held me with one hand as he fist bumped John, letting me go a second later.

"So, this looks a little crazy."

He said finally looking around the room. I let out a nervous laugh, going back to my spot at the end of the bed.

"I know it does now but once everything is sorted it'll be a breeze to put away."

He kind of looked at me like I was crazy before stepping over some clothes and making his way to me.

"Okay, where do you want me to start?"

I looked around for a second.

"Um, John's doing shirts, I'm doing this... Wanna start folding and stacking pants?"

I asked, pointing to them. He shrugged.

"Sure."

He walked to the pile and dropped to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed as he began pulling things out.

"So, what did I miss?"

He asked, John sending me a knowing look.

"Not a whole lot."

I said condescendingly, throwing the shirt back at John.

"She won't get rid of this."

He said holding it to his chest and looking down at it. Colson laughed a little bit.

"You still have that? That merch line hasn't been around for years."

He said in wonderment. I put my hands on my hips as he kept folding and stacking.

"You gave that to me, of course I kept it. Do you even remember that night?"

I asked pointedly. He thought for a second before shrugging.

"I don't know y/n I don't remember a lot of shit."

I rolled my eyes as I went back to folding and stacking too.

"It was the first of your live shows you invited me to. When it was over you asked if I was going to that party with you. of course I said I couldnt stay too long but you said I had to anyways. We were at that dude's house till, God, it must been like four in the morning."

We both laughed at the memory. He nodded his head.

"Yeah I remember now, you were so drunk. But that one chic spilled her entire glass of wine down the front of you and it's all I had when we got back to my place."

He laughed, John looking between us with a smirk on his face. I couldn't help but think fondly of that night, even if it did go quite awry.

"Sounds like quite a night."

John mentioned, sending me another knowing look.

"It really was."

Colson stood up and placed the stack of pants on the bed next to the one I was working on.

"If I remember correctly, that was also the first time you had drank yourself into a hangover. Literally."

I cringed.

"Yeah, I was so sick that next day, I was honestly just glad you were there."

I turned to John as he sat.

"I literally couldn't walk, I was violently sick the whole day, and the headache I had was like none I've ever had in my life."

Colson laughed a little bit, nudging my arm with his elbow.

"Lucky for you I'm a great hangover doctor."

°°°°°°°°° I looked to Bree as she handed me another hanger, the guys in the other room deciding on dinner. We had been at this most of the day and I was beginning to wonder who the hell let me do this to myself. There was a mountain of clothes by my door that was all stuff I had planned to get rid of. Part of me felt refreshed but I still had to finish putting away what was left.

"Aw I remember you telling me about this one."

She said picking up the shirt we had talked about earlier. I smiled to myself as I put it on the hanger.

"Ya know we had just finished talking about that night right before you got here."

She pouted.

"So I missed the best story about you two? No fair."

She protested, sulking down into her seat. I laughed a little bit.

"As if you don't know every detail anyway."

She perked back up as she handed me another shirt hanger.

"Well yeah but I still love hearing about it. That's when it all started."

She said winking at me and I waved the shirt in my hand at her.

"That's our secret ma'am."

I said through gritted teeth and she just laughed at me.

"They aren't in here what does it matter."

She said at me.

"You just love a man Willing to take you... Oops I meant take care of you."

My eyes went wide, my mouth dropping as I playfully gasped at her.

"Excuse you! He's just a friend."

I said matter of factly and she raised an unimpressed brow at me.

"Sure he is. It's not like you two don't flirt relentlessly at each other all the time or anything."

I rolled my eyes as I finished hanging the last few things up.

"What about it? Friends flirt with each other all the time."

"Really?"

She said flatly. Then John came in the room, colson hot on his heels.

"Pizza."

Was all he said. Bree and I looked between them.

"Okay?"

I asked and he held the phone out to me.

"Holy shit."

I said taking it from him.

"Do we really need all this food for just the four of us?"

Colson stepped to me and took the phone back.

"Come on y/n, if we're staying the night like you planned you know it's gonna get eaten."

I sighed.

"You buying?"

He grinned widely at me.

"Yes ma'am."

I caved.

"Fine."

"Yes!"

He said giving John a high five and finishing the order. I shook my head.

"You two are ridiculous."

Colson grinned widely at me.

"Yeah, ridiculously hungry."

I laughed.

"You should put that in a song loser."

He handed the phone back to John, him walking back out into the hallway.

"Ooo wait! Are you getting barbeque?!"

Bree yelled, following him quickly. I laughed to myself as I pushed my clothes around in the closet, making sure everything was in its right place. Colson draped his arm over my shoulder, admiring my work.

"I'm proud of us."

He said.

"We got a lot done today."

I nodded against him, bringing my arm around his waist.

"Yes we did, and thanks again, it really means a lot. I definitely needed the help."

I said smiling up at him. He was already staring down at me. I let out a nervous laugh.

"What?"

He grinned widely.

"I wasn't gonna say anything, but Bree is kind of loud..."

My mouth dropped open, taking my hand from his back and covering my face.

"No."

I groaned into my hands as he laughed, wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of my head.

"Don't be shy baby."

He said, pulling my hands down. I couldn't help the mad blush making its way to my cheeks.

"What did you hear?"

I asked hesitantly, him snaking his arms around my waist.

"You like a man that can take you and take care of you."

He said proudly, a lazy smile playing across his lips. I held my breath and closed my eyes.

"Oh god."

I sighed out. He laughed again, rubbing his finger tips into my lower back.

"Hey, don't feel bad, we've been friends forever. Nothing I can't handle. Besides, I wouldn't flirt back if I wasnt a little interested."

My eyes went wide at his words.

"What are you saying?"

I asked skeptically. He smirked at me.

"Kiss me and find out."

He said lowly. I just stared at him. My brain couldn't comprehend what was happening. Before I knew it he was moving towards me and I couldn't breathe. A second later his lips were on mine and I was kissing him like my life depended on it. He dipped me down, holding me tightly to him. When he pulled away I inhaled sharply, needing as much air as I could get. Or at least that's what it felt like. My lungs burned and my brain was misfiring. He half smiled before pecking me on the lips again.

"God I should've done that ages ago."

He breathed out and I nodded.

"Agreed."

I said, pulling him back down to me and kissing him passionately.

"Yes!"

I heard Bree shout, making me smile against him. When he pulled away we both looked to the doorway, Bree dancing in place as John stood there with his mouth open.

"How long has that been a thing?!"

He said shocked. Bree punched his arm making him flinch away. She ran to us, giving us a collective hug.

"I love you guys."

She said looking between us and I couldn't help but blush again.

"Thanks Bree."

[hihellogoodbyebruh]

As Long as I’m Here, As Long as You Love Me

Pairing: Chris Evans x Black!Plus-size!OC

Summary: Chris is ready to take their relationship to the next level. Tatiana has her reservations.

Warning(s): Umm, discussions on racism and fatphobia. Slight angst, but a happy fluffy ending.

Word count: 1,454

Author’s Note: I wrote this like last year. Finally decided to post it. Writers and their insecurities right? No? Just me? Fair. I got struck by the thought about how a regular Black fat girl with a 9 to 5 might approach being in a relationship with a megastar. I hope y’all enjoy it :)

Tatiana was beyond relieved that her work day was finally over. The restaurant she managed was busier than normal. Damn playoff games kept the place packed, but she was so happy she wasn’t the closer that night. She was able to leave at a respectable 10pm which was good because Chris had sent her a cryptic message in the middle of her shift. He was finally back from finishing a press tour and she was happy they would be getting some one on one time after weeks apart.

“Have some exciting news. Can’t wait for you to get home. Love you baby girl.”

Tati didn’t really have a clue what the exciting news was. If she had to guess, she’d think he booked a vacation for them. He always talked about how he just wanted to take her away with him to see the world. She kind of hoped he didn’t though because while she loved his surprises, she needed to be able to give her job enough notice.

When she made it to her home, she saw his car parked in the driveway. They didn’t technically live together, but she gave him a key to her home once they got serious. He was always so busy with movie shoots, promotional shoots, and press tours that she wanted him to be able to come and go as needed. Her life as Assistant General Manager kept her working 10 hour days, so sometimes they didn’t see each other. It was hard work dating a celebrity, but Christopher Robert Evans was absolutely worth it.

Dodger’s paws were heard moving across the hardwood floors as she opened the front door. She was greeted by his adorable face as he licked at her and tried jumping on her.

“Oh that’s a good boy. You missed me? I missed you! You’re the goodest boy there ever was.” She told him in a baby voice while petting him and bending down to hug his warm furry body. 

After playing with Dodger for a minute, he scurried off and she took that as a sign to find her man. She didn’t have to look far because the glow from the living room television drew her into the room. A peak over the large couch showed Chris laying horizontally, head resting on the arm as his chest moved with the shallow breaths he took while he slept.

Tati would never get over how beautiful of a man he was. She couldn’t help staring at him for a bit as she walked around the couch. His “smedium” shirt as she liked to call it, had lifted up slightly so his v-line and abs were showing. She set her purse on the little coffee table in front and gingerly sat on the space left on the couch. 

“Baaaabbyyyyy, I’m hoooommeee.” She quietly sang, her fingers dancing over his exposed skin and under his shirt as she felt on his chest. “Wake up handsome.” She dug her fingers into his side to tickle him and he sat up out of his sleep.

“What the hell?” He blinked several times as the sleepy haze dissolved and a bright smile appeared on his face when he realized she was there. “Welcome home baby.” He leaned closer to greet her with a kiss.

“Mmm. Do I get to know the exciting news now or do I have to wait?” She asked, desperate to know what the secret was.

He chuckled, placing one of his legs on the floor and pulling her between his legs. “You truly have zero patience. You don’t want to get settled in first? Eat dinner? Have a drink?” He nibbled on her neck, teasing her. “Welcome home sex?”

Her neck fell to the side on instinct, before she collected herself and playfully mushed his head away from her. “Nuh uh. You aint about to distract me. We will get to all of that after. Tell me your secret, Evans.”

The smile on his face was infectious. “I was asked to present at the Golden Globes and I think it’s the perfect place to make our relationship public.”

The silence between them following his statement spoke volumes about her discomfort regarding his request. They had been dating for almost a year away from the public eye. He was a private guy and she had no interest in becoming paparazzi fodder for what she believed would just be a quick hook up with a hot actor. She never thought she’d actually be in a relationship with him. He was just supposed to be a fun anecdote she told her disbelieving grandchildren in the future about the one time grandma had sex with a famous Hollywood star. 

“I have my stylist on stand by for whichever designer has the dress you love most. Your hair, makeup...everything will be taken care of babe.” He added, trying to sweeten the pot.

“Chris…” She began, biting her lip as she stopped to get her thoughts together. His hand reached out and grasped hers, his thumb rubbing soothing circles onto her palm.

“Talk to me. I love you. I’m not saying I’m going to be posting you on Twitter every day because I’ve always been private about my personal life, but I want you to attend red carpets and other events with me. I want to introduce you to others as my woman out in public. I’m ready. Are you really not?” Chris asked, his eyes imploring her for an honest answer. Of course she had to go and fall in love with a man that could see through your very soul with one look.

“I love you too. I want to do all those things with you. I just want you to understand what that would mean for us. You’re active enough on Twitter to understand how wild social media can be these days. I’ll never get rid of it because it can be a source of such joy and humor. I’ve built myself a great social media community. Those acrylic nail memes starring you and then the rest of your Avengers co-stars? A highlight. I remember when they took off.” A smile formed on her lips as she thought on the trending topic. She still has some of those memes saved on her phone. 

“But people can also be horrible, disgusting and downright vile when they can hide behind a computer screen. I’m a non famous, fat, Black woman dating one of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors. For many people, you are the superior Chris of all Hollywood Chrises. By going public, I am opening myself up to a world of abuse just because I ‘dared’ date their white male hero.”

“I don’t give a fuck about what they think.” He interjected, ready to go on a rant but she cut him off.

“I know you don’t. I know. If I had any doubt, we wouldn’t be here right now. And I’m not letting some racist assholes keep me from living my life how I want. What I am saying to you is that there will be bad days. I will let the comments get to me. The comments will even get to you sometimes. I’ve been a fangirl. Not the nasty ones, but I’ve seen how they operate. Eventually it will die down some, but it won’t ever completely go away. This new and fresh information is going to have the fans and even the press going wild. It’s because I know how much you respect your privacy that I just want you to be sure.”

He cupped her face in both his hands and looked her in the eyes. All he could think about was how much he loved her, how much he wanted to take care of her for the rest of their lives. But he knew he had to go one step at a time with her or she’d bolt. He loved her so much that he could be patient with her. 

“It may get rough, but I’m prepared to go through it all for you and with you. We can map out a whole plan if it will make you feel more assured. I’m in this for the long haul. You’re everything to me.” He leaned in to press his lips against hers, his thumbs rubbing her cheeks as he held her face. He kissed her with a softness that was full of tenderness and love. It may have been one of the most sensual kisses she ever experienced. She felt all the love he had for her and she hoped he could feel how much she loved him in return.

She knew as long as they had each other, they would be okay.

[bibibuckleyy]

my thoughts on ‘The taking of Dispach 9-1-1′

this was SUCH a good episode from start to finish! *pulls out a slide show* Now i’ll show you breaking down every. single. scene-

jk lmao...unless?

spoilers below the cut!

lord. have. mercy.

these hoes are givin me major heist vibes

tiffany bby ur the driver but for me to acknowledge you as such you better be Letty Ortiz good hun

wow these thugs are a lot my organized than i first thought like i know they was carryin guns but i aint know they was packin this much like damn

Oceans 8 who?

so i wanna know where they just...got a cop car???

OH HELL NAH Y’ALL BEST NOT MESS WITH TERRY

I MEAN ANA MAY BE HIS SISTER

AND  SHE MAY BE MAKIN MOVES ON EDDIE 

BUT IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE TERRY FLORES SO YOU GET YOUR GUN AWAY FROM SUNSHINE BBY

it’s kinda funny rewatching this scene when you know what’s about to go down

like i’m cacklin like ‘oh shooooot dramaaaa’

but i’m also like ‘SOMEONE GRAB JOSH AND RUN’

“temporary maintenance, happens all the time” cool cool cool 

i’m not freakin out you’re freakin out

josh and maddie are like friend goals i love their dynamic like yoooo

hi yes could you please get that gun away from terry’s head i would really appreciate it.

OMG SECURITY DUDE NOOOO

wow ur like the only line of defense in the dispatch center and they just kicked ur ass

is this where our tax dollars are goin??

fly high josh’s mug, fly high

that absolute look of fear on his face tho, still breaks my heart

josh russo defense squad post up homies

“i love you, howie” nope nope nope didn’t like it the second time either

when that gun went off

LET ME TELL YOU

i just,,,waited for the blood to start comin out of terry

thank god it wasn’t him

good scene lmaooo 9-1-1 writers i hate you all lmao lmao

“bees are the least of your troubles here, sweetheart” I HATE YOU DUDE

someone call mama grant please

“we’ve got dispatch” i do not like this ma’am i’d like to speak to the manager

“you’ll shoot us” man shut the hell up-

“no, we’ll shoot the person next you you” this dude is insane

lookin like mr.clean’s evil cousin LMAOOOOO

“you only do something like this so you can do something...worse”

um whAT-

“you’re being paranoid, she’s fine” CHIMNEY NO NO NO

i don’t think i’ve ever thrown this much popcorn at my tv in my life

as chimney said “don’t do it man” just picture a 5′5 lightskinned girl tripping over her blanket while yelling “DO IT CHIM, DO IT!” and you’ll have me

“sorry, we are experiencing a high call volume” BITCH MORE LIKE A HIGH CRIME VOLUME SOMEBODY GET MAMA GRANT DAMNIT-

*screams* BUUUUUUUUCK 

HI BBY

ooh nice shirt, i guess pink isn’t the only color that suits ya

he looks good in all the colors

whole damn snaaaaack

not to be an idiot on main but seriously, who watches the watchmen?

“i miss like an earthquake or something?” lmao chim is a whole vibe

“wait....why are you calling 9-1-1, is everything ok?” paired with that cute adorable concerned face he made is making me cry ok we don’t deserve buck T-T

“she’s at the call center, what could happen?” AT LOT ACTUALLY

OH THANK YOU JESUS IT’S ATHENA FUCKIN FINALLY 

*cries* mama grant you won’t believe the day i’ve had

“he’s my husband” LMAOOOOO WHAT

whoa tiffany we’ve already had our fair share of mail bombs here that bet’ not be what i think it is

THE PACKAGE IS VIBRATING AND BLINKING TAKE COVER-

ohhhhhhhhhh

it’s just takin out the security systems lmao 

“technical difficulties” BITCH MORE  LIKE CRIMINAL DIFFICULTIES

“i bet this woman really thinks you’re...worthwhile.” JOSH BBY DON’T LISTEN TO A WORD HE SAYS EVERYONE LOVES YOU

ahaha thanks i did not need those flashbacks it hurt enough the first time 

“a woman called about an omelet, i dispatched an officer”

“to the restaurant?”

“not exactly”

???

“i tried calling josh, but no answer” aww josh and buck are friendssssss :)

JOSH HAS BEEN ADOPTED BY THE FIREFAM PASS IT ON

:0

JOSH YOU GENIUS

YOU SMART SMART CINNAMON ROLL

MAMA GRANT IT’S TIME TO MAKE SOME MOVES

“nO NO CHIMNEY DON’T HANG UP!” i shouldn’t have laughed so hard

oh great he’s hastily grabbing his jacket. he’s about to do something rash and irresponsible

....someone call eddie.

that’s some good heist music right there

the bad guys look stressed....good.

“you’re here so i can keep an eye on you and make sure you don’t do anything foolish” BUT YOU LEFT BUCK

OK BUCK I LOVE YOU BBY

BUT YOU HAVE THIS HABIT OF TURNIN INTO SPECIAL AGENT 007 REAL FAST WHEN YOUR FRIENDS ARE IN TROUBLE MAN

LIKE

HE’S THE ‘EVERYONE BEFORE ME’ MEMBER OF THE FIREFAM

mama grant i ain’t questionin your authority or nun but like???

WHY WOULD YOU NOT KEEP AN EYE ON BUCK TOO?

HE’S THE MOST LIKELY CANDIDATE TO DO SOMETHIN STUPID

thats some reckless drivin there buckaroo

buck who were you tryna fool tho

athena only knows one golden retriever dude in this city who drives a grey and black jeep

“ok now, don’t be mad” LMAOOOOOOOO

HANDS DOWN ONE OF MY FAVE SCENES

HE KNEW HIS MOM WAS PISSED TOO LMAOOOO

athena’s look is sending meeeeee 😂😂

omg my god😭😂

“hey buck”

“...hey chim”

athena has some dumbass kids yo

the best part is, she knows it

the way mr. clean broke his neck when dude said ‘police cruiser’ LMAOOOO

“and if it’s not normal?”

“we’ll find out”

*blasts boss bitch*

i love the way buck is kinda concerned for his mom tho

and athena’s just like ‘it’s no sweat sweetie i do this every day’

“shoot her”

BITCH I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO

YOU’LL BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH

I’LL TELL YOU THAT

“shoot her, now”

try her bitch, see what happens to yo ass. 

the 118

the call center

the entire fandom 

we will collectively end you

“we got a report of a code 77″

THANK GOD THAT GOT ATHENA OUT OF THERE

what is a code 77 you say?

“ambush, proceed with caution”

well it sure nuff aint indecent exposure

*boss bitch keeps playing cause that was super smart for her to give out a code 77*

“maddie is smart, she can take care of herself until help gets there”

HELL YEA SHE CAN

SHE KICKED DOUG’S ASS SHE’LL KICK YOURS TOO

“they’re not gonna wanna leave behind a room full of witnesses”

i’m-i’m fine, i swear-

“killing people, your solution to every problem”

excuse me? do i hear morals??

they’re really fighting each other

they some grade a stupid right there 

there’s no way they are pullin this off

terry

terry what are you doing

TERRY

RUN TERRY RUN GO GO GO

OH SHIT

JOSHHHHHHHH

i thought they were gonna shoot terry

BUT JOSH CAME THROUGH IN THE CLUTCH

wowwwwww dispatch is a lot more badass than i thought

these dudes are hard core

OH

OH JOSH NO BBY

THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURT

aii square tf up mr. clean we don’t hit josh here and you gon have to pay for that one

the way everyone is just quietly sobbing tho

it saddens me

“I need another thirty minutes”

i’m really enjoying watching this dude’s plan crumble around him

swat posted up aii i see yall

“we’ll try to get eyes in a damn windowless room”

well when you put it that way it sounds like this is hopeless

“i’m sorry i thought you were crazy”

“i’m sorry i wasn’t”

wow i don’t think i was supposed to laugh at that

and chim bein concerned for maddie is literally one if the best things ever y’all.

completely unrelated note, anybody else see bad boys for life?

“yeah i’m ok, my ears are just ringing a little” with the TEARS and the SNIFFLES and him SMILING THROUGH THE PAIN JOSH IS TOO PURE FOR THIS 

“why do you think we asked for so many RA units?” BITCH I KNOW YOU FUCKIN LYIN

for those of y’all that ain’t kno, RA units are rescue ambulance units

way to reassure people, lady

it’s like she said ‘everyone might be lightly shot by the time this is all over’

“so you are worried. it makes sense, cause all your friends keep dissappearing are they even in the same building?” WITH THAT LOOK OF STRAIGHT SPITE DAMN MADDIE BUCKLEY, DAMNNN

we stan the BAMF BUCKLEYS

“oh my god, LINDA??” lo key thought this was real for a second

“latex! is there latex in your gloves?” greg come on man you planned a heist you can’t be this stupid

SURPRISE! LINDA IS ALLERGIC TO BEES

ENJOY YOUR EPINEPHRINE ASSHOLE

OH

OH WOW

WOW DISPATCH

Y’ALL JUST-

WOW

EVERYONES GOT GUNS AND EVERYTHING OH MY GODDDDD

GIVE IT UP FOR DISPATCH 

you know it’s really funny, cause tiffany ain’t nowhere to be found

“next one goes in your head” OOOOOOOOOOOH SHE’S A BOSS ASS BITCH BROOO YESSSSSSS

(i know, two different songs, but ya gotta admit, it applies)

“you don’t get to die” 

i just-

hands down, most powerful line in the whole episode.

it’s an odd form of vengeance, saving the man that attacked you multiple times from the release of death

 that’s what it would’ve been tho

a release

he would’ve died, and he wouldn’t of had to pay for any of his actions

but instead, josh saved his sorry ass

so he gets to pay for this in the land of the living

the best revenge, actually

and, josh saved a life

he’s worthwhile

“i’m not goin back” well i knew mr. clean was gonna die from the beginning sooooooo

“we’ve got dispatch”  and it’s finally over

i’m kinda bummed that we didn’t get to see SEAL!buck or the rest of the firefam but we got  BAMF!dispatch and that was enough lmao

kudos to those off duty dispatches as well, like y’all just walked past the dead body and moved on from the whole hostage situation to do your already stressful job

CHIM’S FACE WHEN HE SEES MADDIE I AM SOBBING

THEY SAID MADNEY RIGHTS Y’ALL😭😭😭

this hug is everythinggggg 

lo key buck watching from afar breaks my heart ahaha

“she already has everything she needs”

....this is tea for another day, but...

buck, you do know people need you as much as you need them, right?

....right?

still not over that hug tho

ayeeee wassup bobby!

how was the camping trip i was extremely against?

oooooh i love the crime recaps!

i may or may not have been like buck in the bank episode when he said ‘i’m some confused, can you start over’

...ahem....

“wait....you didn’t round her up too?”

ok listen....

while i don’t condone stealing and and the extreme amount of violence they used,

i do condone outsmarting men that think less of you because you are a woman

you are a boss tiffany, and i’m actually kind of sad you got caught

“tiffany was the real mastermind” can i just.....

*BLASTS BOSS BITCH FROM THE ROOFTOPS CAUSE WOMEN OWNED THIS EPISODE! THEY WERE SO DAMN BADASS*

thanks 9-1-1 writers for that, btw. 

gotta admit, as much as they rip out our hearts and stomp on em, they know what they are doin

jake you shady shady bitch

ngl tho both plans were solid 

maybe if it was done completely by women it would’ve worked :)

“looks  like your trip’s been delayed...by about 5 to 15 years” athena you got the best lines yo

jake f’ed up the other plan too lmaoo

like i said, if it was all women, they would’ve pulled this off

and they end it with madney

gosh i loved this episode

So! These were my thoughts on 3x14! Let me know what you think, and hit up my ask box if you want me to post my thoughts on another episode! Later taters!

Oh yeah, if you liked this you can find my thoughts on ‘Pinned’ here!

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (3)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 {reading now}

-

Well, needless to say you got the role.

The final run through with Drake was successful, he started spewing off about how talented you were. You did your usual which was smile and nod, and Angus told you to "Stop being so shy mamas. You gotta get used to this."

Time flew as you turned in forms, focused on moving closer to set, and grew your social media audience. It was all exciting but also overwhelming, however you already loved it.

You and Angus seemed to be getting more comfortable with each other, the tension was wearing off and a simple friendship was forming. The luxury apartment you were moving into for when filming ceased was conveniently just a few doors down from his apartment, you two were going to be in the same complex. You talked quite often and filming hadn't even started yet, and you almost felt silly for feeling intimidated, if that was even the word, by him before. He'd offered to come over to help you move in- and even though the tension had faded, your {sometimes} inappropriate thoughts of him hadn't.

But today was the day everything kicked into gear, because today was the first day of filming.

You and Angus decided to meet up at a small, locally owned coffee shop before heading to set. You could both go together, and since he offered to drive, you could save some gas.

You got there early, you two were to meet at 7:30 am, you were there at 7:25 due to leaving time to dodge the traffic. Angus came through the door yawning at 8:17- due to oversleeping.

"Do you always do this?" you laughed sliding a donut over to him as he sat down across from you in the booth.

"Do what?" he asked, eating half of the donut in one big bite.

"Are you always late- like on set? Because most of my scenes are with you and I-"

"You think ahead a lot, I just like sleeping, you should like it too you feel what I mean? Sleep is just that bitch...if there was a girl like sleep then I would have a girl."

Half of the time the things Angus came up with made zero sense to you, but you always just agreed and moved along. For example, yesterday night he called you at 12:32 am just to let you know that the Frosted Flakes box had 'of corn' in small writing under the bold logo. You said you'd never noticed that- which was the truth, and then that led to him telling you the complete history of Mandela effects. You didn't get back to bed until 1:54.

"And to be fair Y/N, you kept me up last night with that Mandela effect shit." he said with a smirk as he finished off the donut.

Your mouth fell open as you rolled your eyes "Boy as if! You wish I-"

"So you quoting 90s movies now? That's new, don't really know how I feel ab-"

"Lets go," you shook your head standing up and tossing your coffee cup into the garbage.

You two walked out and into the warm LA air. "You read the scripts at all?" He asked you as you headed to his car.

"I did! We have a lot of scenes...some are quite different."

"What you mean? Not boutta lie I didn't read anything past the first episode cuz them other shits too far away."

"Well, sex is always a given in Euphoria."

"Yeah them nude scenes finna make me feel a bit violated if you know what I mean."

"You'll be fine, all you show is your ass but I have to-"

"Oh shit I gotta show my cheeks? For real? On television- aw nah I gotta talk to somebody about tha-"

"I have to show everything except my baby maker so...who really has it worse?"

"Yo' baby maker? Is that them gorgeous eyes cuz it sure does make me want to make a baby wit' you."

Was that a joke-

He did this alot. You never knew if he was actually flirting or if it was just him joking around, but you always assumed it was the latter.

"Was that a...was that a joke from you Angus? How rare!"

He flipped you off with a goofy grin at the next red light and you laughed. "No all jokes aside though Gus, I gotta show my whole body, titties and all. Like my parents are going to watch this how do I? Explain?"

“Well we can fuck wit’ all that when we get to it.”

“Oh baby...” You said sarcastically. “You didn't actually read the first episodes script did you?”

“What you mean?”

You pulled the script from out of your tote, clearing your throat before you started to read. “Jess looks at Fez with a gleam of interest in her eyes. ‘Its been awhile tiger’ she says in a certain way, a way that makes Fez adjust his- yeah I’m not reading that- ‘It has’ Fez says biting his lip. He wants her, but he doesn't know if she wants him too...he thinks she doe-”

“We gotta have sex the first episode? Nah you lying.”

“Episode 1, 3, 5, 7 and 8.”

“Holy shit what?! Aint nobody have that much sex last season...”

“Yeah but its because of our storyline. Jess and Fez constantly want each other and they think the only way to let it out is through sex- they are both terrible with commitment and Jess is afraid of Fez’s dealing; even if she wants to be with him that's keeping her away.”

“Damn, my manz Fez gettin’ the short end of the stick.”

“Jess is the only one getting a short stick Angus.”

It took him a minute to understand what you said, but as soon as he comprehended it his eyes widened. “Girl no you didnt- you know I’m packing- how you gon’ do me like that?!” he said defensively as he parked. You couldn't help but to laugh as you hurried out of the car. “Imma get you back for that!” He yelled after you. You shook your head and walked to the main trailer where everyone was to gp.

Walking in you saw only Z and Storm, Queen Bey played softly in the background showing the girls in front of you were in their element. “Hey girl!” Z said giving you a quick side hug. “Dont worry about being late, its all good. You came with Angus didn't you?”

You nodded whilst rolling your eyes and took the key she was holding out, walking back out and to your trailer.

The trailer was cozy, comfortable and not too small. It had quite a modern look to it, and the look on the outside didn't match the inside at all. You smiled as you sat on the sofa, seeing a white envelope on the glass table. On it was scribbled ‘Angus and Y/N’. Before you could get up to go over to his trailer, he walked in- no invitation, no knock, no anything. “Gee!!!! Good thing I wasn’t naked!” You said sarcastically as you glared at him.

“Yeah whateva. We gotta read this letter together I guess.” He said plopping down beside you.

“Yeah yeah okay, I can read it out loud.” You said cracking open the envelope and pulling out the bright white printer paper. “Okay here we go...it's from...Drake?”

“Ah shit.”

“Don’t worry yet, it's probably just- let me just read.”

Angus nodded and got more comfortable on the sofa as you started to read. “Angus and Y/N. On behalf of your upcoming roles I wanted to tell you guys to loosen up. Theres alot of sexy time to film, and I don't want the viewers to feel the sexual tension from Angus and Y/N, I want them to feel it radiating from Jess and Fez. Make kissing casual, make being naked around each other casual too. Don't make that shit weird. And Angus, make sure you can get it up. If it takes...oh-” you stopped for a moment.

“What?” Angus looked at you and you cocked your head to one side still inspecting the letter.

“Okay- here, he said: If it takes walking around each other unclothed then do it, take care of that tension between you two. I could feel it in the final run through, meaning that the viewers would be able to sense it as well. I'm only saying all this cuz its your first time filming together. I need art, not high school production shit. You guys have the passion, and you click. But there's something missing. Make the fuck out and get this show on the road. I'm always a call away if its not working out-- Drake.”

“Well damn. What he tryna say?”

“Angus it's clear what he's saying- I mean come on I feel the tension between us too, and I don't know what it is but hes right, whatever it is we need to get over it, and move on from that. This is business- an art form we have to work through. Ight?”

“Ight. So what I’m hearing is we gotta make out and get naked.”

“We aren't doing anything until ya girl takes a nap.”

“How you sleepy we just got here and you woke up 3 hours ago?”

“Listen man it is not my fault I only got 4 and a half hours of sleep-”

“SO you tryna say it’s mine?!” “It is! With your mandela effecr loving ass.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Okay okay, fair. But lemme sleep wit’ you.” “What? Why?”

“You the one that read the letter, we gotta drop this tension lil mama. And if we legit just sleeping, ion see nun wrong wit’ it, do you?”

You thought it over, and he had a point. There was nothing wrong with it, sleeping is sleeping...and besides, you two would have to do much worse.

“Whatever, come on.”

“Let’s go to my trailer though.”

“What? Why? Ion wanna walk come on Angu-”

“I can carry you then. But my place more homey, you just got here and your bed ain’t even got sheets.”

Damn, why is he always right? “Okay fine but carry me.”

He hunched down in front of the sofa “Get on my back and we can go.”

You grabbed your phone getting onto his back and holding on tight, your arms around his neck and your thighs squishing his sides. “Go go go!” You giggled, feeling safe as you rested your chin on the top of his head.

He ran to the trailer, causing you to laugh and hold on even tighter. Dropping you onto the bed, he looked around the small trailer-bedroom for more covers.

“You know girl,” he said looking into the closet “You kinda cute. How you was laughing out there had my heart beating fast and shit.” He found a throw and turned back around to ask you if it was good, but you were already out, completely sound asleep, and cuddled into a pillow. “Damn so you ain't hear none o’ that huh?” He sighed. “Probably better on my end. Can’t be catching feelings and shit.” He covered you over and lay beside you.

In your sleep your body detected the body heat, so you unknowingly turned over, cuddling into his chest. A smile formed on your lips as you moved closer, practically wrapping yourself around him.

The man sighed placing his lips to your forehead and leaving a light kiss. “Yeah. No catching feelings.”

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “The Phoenix”. In Audrey’s bedroom she’s explaining what she knows to the vks)

Audrey:...and the last time I saw him he was getting out his violin. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help

Mal: no, thank you Audrey. I um I figured it’d be something like that

Harriet: you don’t wanna be doin that during a crisis

Uma: ahem notaeuphemism, notaeuphemism

Harriet: ohhhh

Harry: tch sounds like one though

Mal: alright. Both of you. Not a peep out of either of you two crackpots for the rest of the millennium

Uma: eh, sounds fair.

Mal: are you doing ok. Chad going crazy, it must be horrible for you

Evie: oh who cares. She’s probably the cause of it

Mal: Evie shut up

Audrey: she’s right. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t left I

Mal: what happened

Audrey: after what happened to you guys on the bridge. We went back to his room. He forbade me to see you guys or be friends with you any more. I tried to leave and then he grabbed my wrist and tried to get me to stay

Mal: I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna rip him apart limb from limb

Audrey: I read him the riot act. And I left. It’s my fault. If I’d stayed I could’ve stopped him

Mal: if you stayed. Then we’d be fighting you right now. And it not your fault. Chad’s problems are Chad’s problems. Not yours or anyone else’s

Jay: oh my god

Mal: what?

Jay: he wants her

Mal: huh?

Jay: he wants to be king. And he never forgave you for Ben dumping Audrey because she was being a swot to you. He’s like an equally pathetic and creepy version of harry. Psychotically devoted to who he thinks is the perfect woman

Mal: holy shit

Evie: well then we know hey we have to do.

Mal: no

Evie (blatantly ignoring her sister): we give her to chad. They both burn to death. We’re home free

Uma: I can’t believe I’m saying this but it could work

Mal: no it couldn’t. Because. A. Chad’s power mad. B. Even it could work then we’d still have a homicidal dark fairy on our hands.

Uma: shit you’re right. Ah well only one thing to do

Hadie: what’s that?

Uma: rifle through her shit while she’s in a depressive episode

(She starts doing just that. Pulling out books from shelves, tearing down clothes from the wardrobe, until she finds something of interest)

Audrey: um excuse me. That’s my diary

Uma: I know. That’s why I’m reading it.

Audrey: yeah but it’s really old. From a time in my life I’m not exactly proud of so if

Uma (reading and ignoring her please): “Eighth of March. They’re here. Poor Benny boo is too nice to see it but I know the truth. They want my throne. That little purple skidmark, the magic mop head, Mouthoff and that spindly freckle faced...” Woah, and you still wanna protect her after all this?

Evie: she’s Mal’s friend. Not ours. And even then. It’s only because Mal feels guilty

Uma (rifling through the pages): lets see now it’s gotta be somewhere here. Oh yeah. “Eighth of April. I can’t believe it. He dumped me. All because I was reading that stuck up little handbag the riot act. She’s got to have used a love potion because there’s no way in hell Ben would dump me for sowing one so poor and ugly. At least I’ve got chad as a fallback. That little witch has gotten too comfortable. It might be time to shake things up as it were”. So how’d ya do it?

Mal: do what?

Uma: trap lil beasty boy. Cause there’s no way in hell he jumped you willingly

Mal: why the fuck would I spell Ben? Who the fuck do you think I am? You?

Harry: what’s that supposed mean?

Jay: it means you hypnotised Ben before the cotillion last year. Or have you forgotten about that?

Harry: cut me some slack alright? Sometimes I can’t remember what happened yesterday. Which for me in fact it was actually. See as I lost a year of me life

Carlos: oh boo fricking hoo dickbrain

Uma: oh look there’s more. “Tenth of June. I’m an idiot. A pink frilly stupid idiot. I was completely wrong about Mal and the others. She saved my life. I tried to kill her and she saved my life. How could I be so stupid. They had no choice but they chose to save me when they could have let me burn. I have to make things right. It’s the only way”. Damn Ophelia. When do you jump into the lake?

Audrey: it’s um ahem that’s the last diary entry. I didn’t feel like making another one.

Uma: then you wouldn’t mind if it do this

(She frisbees the dusty into the empty fireplace and sets it alight. Audrey runs up to stop her but is held fast by the hook sisters)

Audrey: please, please. They’re my mother’s diaries. It was a for my fourteen birtday

Uma: oh yeah? Well do you know what I got for my fourteenth birthday? A triple unpaid shift at the restaurant where I work for a roof over my head.

Mal: Uma! Leave her alone

Jay: yeah she’s ignorant. She doesn’t know what it’s like over there. And she can’t be held accountable for what Adam did

Uma: you all can (she grabs Audrey by the throat) now. What do you suggest we do with her highness?

Cj: how about we make sure her incessant prattling is stopped forever more?

Harry: ooh good choice.

Harriet: but how do we silence her?

Uma: hmmmmm...OOH! I know. Harry your pocket watch please

(He hands her the watch and she throws it into the mirror above the mantlepiece through which it disappears)

Uma: see ya feckers

Mal: NO WAIT NO!

(Uma freezes the other Vks with magic, chucks Audrey through the mirror, sending her falling through the blackness and teleports her and the hooks to the same place. This is when “this is Halloween” happens. After the song. Carlos blurs for a second and the spell ends)

Carlos: of course. Now what to do first. Hmmmmm. Right! Gil. C’mon buddy. Wakey wakey

(He double taps Gil and the shoulder and the blonde starts moving again)

Gil: owww. We have to save her don’t we?

Carlos: unfortunately. Yes

Gil: shit.

Carlos: tally ho my friend

(They both jump into the mirror and land in a watch)

Gil: where are we?

Carlos: a pocket watch. Your ex’s pocket watch I believe judging by how it’s kaput

Gil: oh yeah. Yah um. James kept smashing it so he stopped asking me to fix it after the fifth time it was thrown at his head

Carlos: that explains so much yet absolves absolutely nothing

Gil: stands to reason

(Audrey’s muffled screams can be heard from their right)

Carlos: this way?

Gil: yep

(They head off in a northern direction and sure enough they’re Audrey. Bound to a clockwork chair. Mouth gaffes with tape. Carlos almost releases her but Uma steps out of the darkness followed by the hooks)

Uma: I wouldn’t do that if I were you

Carlos: really? You wouldn’t do this if you were me? Well if I were you then I wouldn’t kidnap the friend of the future queen

Harry: back off you son of a bitch

Carlos: kill me and we both go down you skinny ass rooster brain

Doug: oh my god they got you too

(Everyone turns around to see Doug standing there looking downright haunted)

Carlos: Doug what are you doing here

Doug: mirrors are connected.

Carlos: right. Wanna help us free Audrey from the grim grinning ghosts?

Doug: eh sure why not. I’ve got nothing better to do until the spells broken.

Gil: yay. The normies are back in business. Shame Lon-Lon isn’t here though

Doug: who calls ya normies?

Gil: you had nightmares. Lots of them

Doug: those ice packs were from you?

Gil: yeah. When people have nightmares they get incredibly heated.

Carlos: this is true. Jay ices his hands when I have nightmares

Harry: hey, dipshit! Are we gonna talk or are we gonna obligate you?

Doug: it’s obliterate dickless. Not obligate

Harry: I don’t care

Audrey: *muffled sounds of protests*

Doug: yeah we’re not on you right now

Carlos: lemme talk to Uma. C’mon captain

(They walk a little way away from the others)

Uma: what?

Carlos: you don’t wanna do this

Uma: oh? Why not?

Carlos: because it interferes with your plans Uma. No matter how many times you say to the contrary. We know you. 9 times out of ten your need to one up and hurt Mal outweigh your desire to help the island. But I’m telling you. Let your altruism win out instead of your sadism. Not killing Audrey might not be fun. Believe. Jay Evie and I have fantasised about it many a time. But right here right now. Your best bet is to let bygones be bygones. Capiche?

Uma: no. Still gonna killer her

Carlos: I thought you’d say that

(This is when “I will not bow” happens. After the song Harry hurls the debris at Carlos who explodes it into to dust)

Carlos: so you really do have magic. I thought Evie siphoned it off?

Doug: it’s the “mother hauling a car off her child” reaction. Uma was in danger and Harry reacted instinctively

Carlos (sarcastically): perfect

Harry: and now, I’m gonna finish what I started in the alleyway

(His eyes glow blood red and he charges at Carlos. Who just peruses a few buttons on his wrist so a force fiend forms in front of him knocking the pirate off course. Harry roars in anger and his hair ignites in blood red flame. Gil punches him in the face and his hair goes out)

Carlos (utterly disgusted): oh. My. God.

(The brown is Harris hair has burned away to black)

Carlos: what the fuck. Is-is that natural or is it the ember?

Harry: you what?

Harriet: your hair. It’s black again.

Harry: no my hairs brown

Cj: no brother dear. Your hair is black. Again. Like it hasn’t been since you asked Uma to lather it in boot polish when you were six

Harry (absolutely traumatised): no! NO IT AINT

Doug: yes. Yes it is.

(He uses the selfie function on his phone camera as a mirror. Harry takes one look and screams in melancholy and assumes the foetal position)

Carlos: what the fuck

Cj (long suffering sigh): you see, my siblings hair is naturally black. Harriet is our fathers favourite. Harry is not. So Harry asked Uma to dye his hat brown when he was six. And hasn’t looked back since.

Carlos: and you

Cj: I’m a natural blonde. I’m Gil’s cousin. His mother’s the middle bimbette. My mother is the youngest bimbette.

Carlos: we would not be out of place in Storybrooke.

Doug and Gil: nope

Carlos: so! Here’s what we’re gonna do. Uma, you and the tweedle twits are gonna come with me back to the home side. Gil, I can count on you to untie miss priss?

Gil (cheerfully): Roger! Doug, you can come back with us

Carlos and Doug: no, absolutely not

Doug: I need need to stay here in the mirror world until my body wakes up. If I go through with you guys I’ll die.

Carlos: your body and mind are safe. You might need to hide. If you stay here. Evie will most certainly kill Audrey

(Audrey screams in protest)

Carlos: oh we all know she’ll blame you. She hates you enough as it is already. And if...fucks sake I can’t take you seriously looking like that (he rips the tape off her mouth ignoring her screams of pain) that’s much better. If she sees Doug in the Moore she will blame you and she will kill you

Audrey (conceding): that’s fair

Carlos: now. Let’s see, how am I going to do this. Oh! I know!

(He uses his exosuit to shove the girls through the mirror, not noticing Harry using his own magic to root Doug to the spot. Gil hoists up both Harry and Audrey and, together with Carlos jumps back to the real world. Once there Carlos makes Uma reverse the spell which she does without complaint)

Uma: you of course realise you are incredibly dangerous to people with that exosuit?

Carlos: That was the idea. Gil could you put Audrey on the bed please

Mal: what happened?

Carlos: oh the usual. Uma let her instincts get in the way of logical thinking.

Mal: of course

Evie: Doug? Doug! Oh my god. Doug wait right there

Carlos: shield Audrey

Mal: what

Carlos: trust me on this mom. This not going to end well

Harry (aside to Uma): watch this

(He uses magic to bring Doug, who’s futilely trying to get away, closer to the glass)

Evie (climbing up on the mantelpiece and tapping on the glass): Doug. Honey I’m here. What..what’s wrong? Why can’t I get through? Let me through. Let me through. Dammit let me through. Let me go to him for fucks sake let me through. (She starts banging on the glass with her fists) LET ME THROUGH. LEMME THROUGH. LET ME GO TO HIM LET ME THROUGH! PLEASE (her eyes start glowing and the mirror starts to crack) LET ME THROUGH LET ME THROUGH! (She starts sobbing). LET ME THROUGH. LET ME GO TO HIM. PLEAE

Carlos: jay get her, now!

(Jay lifts her up by the waist, still screaming and crying, and pulls her away from the mirror. Doings hands remain on the glass where hers were)

Evie (still crying): why can’t I why can’t why can’t I go to him? It should be easy I have magic Uma’s not that much more powerful than me I should be able to get through why can’t I get through? (She stops crying, jay lets her go and her voice evens out) you. You did this. He’s doing this because of you. It’s all YOUR FAULT

(She launches at Audrey intent on scratching the princesses eyes out but Jay and Gil grab her just in time)

Evie: LET ME KILL HER

Mal: no!

Evie: IF SHE DIES HE’LL STOP

Mal: but Maleficent won’t. Do you really want to take that chance?

Evie (extremely reluctantly): n...no

Mal: ok then. Put her down guys. And just where the hell are you going?

Uma (hand on the door handle): I can’t stay here. I. I just can’t. (Harry makes his way to her). And nobody! Nobody. Nobody, follow me

Harriet: you heard her Har. Stay here

(Uma leaves the room. She magically deadbolts and soundproofs the door and then sinks to the floor crying her eyes out. That is until she senses someone approaching her)

Uma (thickly): go away. There’s an attack on this dump. People are dropping like bats. Find a nice soft spot to collapse if you know what’s good for you

Adam: I know there’s an attack on the school dear. I’m part of it you see. Don’t bother getting up. This will be over quickly. I just wanted to tell you that what’s about to happen is entirely deserved.

Uma: you’re him aren’t you? Beast

Adam: THAT’S NOT MY... (he takes a deep breath). That’s not my name. My name is Adam

Uma: yeah don’t care. To us you’re the beast. The bastard boogeyman who damned to the island

Adam: like I said it was deserved

Uma (scoffing): huh! Deserved? Really? You really think what you did to us was deserved? How fucking delusional can you get?

Adam: no more delusional than you thinking that I can be stoppped.

Uma: what did she offer you?

Adam: my kingdom back. And your kind flung back to the scrap heap where you all belong.

Uma: not if I have anything to do about it

Adam (scoffing): what can you do. You’re a child who’s oh so very far from home. And I’m a man with years of experience.

Uma: you’re a crackpot, corrupt politician. And I have magic that you cannot even begin to comprehend

Adam: is that so?

Uma: damn straight. I can tear you apart without even touching you.

Adam: care to put that to the test?

Uma: your move. Five paces?

Adam: of course

(They move to opposite sides of the corridor. This is when “calling all the monsters” happens. After the song Adam slashes off one of her tentacles and she falls to the ground screaming in pain. While all this is going on Harry is desperately trying to open the door)

Hadie: Harry it’s no use. She’s deadbolted it. It won’t be lifted until she chooses to.

Harry: there has to be a way. Use me as a battering ram

Carlos: nobody here wants to touch you

Harry: have you got any right ideas?

Jay: it’s bright ideas. And we don’t want you to be happy so why would we help you

(At the mantlepiece Evie’s got an idea)

Mal: there’s no guarantee that’d work Evie

Evie: I have to do something. I can’t just leave him there. He shouldn’t be alone. Please if blood or, or family mean anything to you then help me make sure he’s not alone.

Mal: I’m doing this for Doug and Doug only. Let’s see here (she flips through the spell book) damn. What you want to do counts as love. Sorry.

Hadie: what’s counts as love

Mal: Evie wants to send part of her consciousness into the mirror to keep Doug company. But her love for him is the driving factor. And Maleficent ripped out and burned the last one hundred pages of the book contains love spells because real feelings need to be there for it to work and according to her I’m not worthy of love.

Cj: she’s a smart lady

(Mal clicks her fingers, CJ’s leg snaps in two and she collapses in pain)

Hadie: restoration spell?

Mal: at the coronation. It didn’t work.

Hadie: May I?

Mal: go ahead.

(Hadie takes the book, flips it and mutters a spell in Ancient Greek. The book glows bright steely grey then returns to normal. He opens the book and the pages are restored)

Evie (pulling him into a bear hug): thank you thank you thank you

Mal: you’re gonna have to do it. The spell is incredibly painful. It says here part of you has to be physically ripped out for it to work. And our friendship is tenuous at best. So it’s best if you do it. Audrey get in the crawl space. Jay shield Gil. Carlos c’mere. The blowback could be dangerous to mortals

Cj: pardon me for asking but what of my siblings and I?

Mal: I don’t care about you

Evie: if this doesn’t work?

Hadie: then Doug will remain asleep until Maleficent is defeated

Evie (voice breaking): then dont fuck it up. Please

Hadie (chuckling sadly): I promise I’ll try not to. Ready

Evie: do it

(He takes the ember, puts it in the middle of her forehead and starts chanting in Ancient Greek. Evie starts to glow bright blue. Then she starts screaming in pain. Blue light shoots out of her hands and face. Harriet gets thrown into the wall followed by Cj. Harry, still trying to wrest the door open, gets thrown into a large Ming vase. Jay, Mal, Carlos, Hadie, Evie and Gil stay standing. Celia remains on the bed. The light stops. Evie nearly collapses but Hadie catches her)

Jay: wow. Is that?

Evie: he’s what I see yeah

(A ghostly version of Doug’s standing in front of them. He’s dressed like a vk. Everything about him from skinn to clothes to eyes is completely blue all over and glowing)

Evie: go through the mirror. Go to Doug. Be whatever he needs you to be. I’ll be fine. Just go to Doug. Now.

(Ghostly Doug turns to smoke and floats through the mirror. His form changes to Evie in her coronation dress. The front of her loosely braided and pinned back. Real Doug looks completely shocked)

Evie: oh! Ohhhh dear. This isn’t what you wanted. Do you want me in jeans? I can wear jeans if you’d prefer. Or is the hair not right. I know! It’s the shoes. Haha. Wrong shoes

(Doug pulls her into a hug which she returns relievedly)

Doug: you look perfect. You always do. But how

Evie: magic. I’m not really her. I’m just part of her consciousness.

Doug: of course.

Evie: do you really like the dress?

Doug: yes. It’s Evie’s favourite so its my favourite

Evie: you’re incredibly sweet did you know that?

Doug: no.

Evie: why not?

Doug: because nobody’s ever said that to me before

Evie: well you are. Sweet brave kind and

Doug: I’m sorry. I tried to protect the twins and I’m sorry. Maleficent got to them. I failed.

Evie: what Maleficent and chad do isn’t your fault.

Doug: I—

Evie: she knows. Trust me. She knows

Doug: it’s really difficult to say

Evie: I know. That’s what makes it important

Doug (chuckling): so uh. What do we do now?

Evie: we wait. We wait until we win.

Doug: and until then.

Evie: we could

Doug: no.

Evie: damn. Worth a try

Doug: always.

Evie: how about a dance. You can practice here and wow Evie later

Doug: sounds good to me

Evie: you lead?

Doug: I’ve offered to let Evie lead but she always insists on letting me lead

Evie: she’s a smart girl

Doug: yes. Yes she is. May I have this dance

Evie: yes sir you may

(This is when “come what may” happens. As this happens Uma’s pained screams undo the soundproofing spell she put on the door alerting everyone else to her predicament)

[jazzy-art-time]

“BeeBee ya gotta give me some space”

The elder gently waves her wooden spoon at the scrafty beside her in a borderline threatening manner, tail slowly shoving them aside as she continues to work on the meal.

Jody’s wide eyed gaze flickers back to its normal apathy as her hands shove into her pockets. Tail flicking slowly in a slight pout as her gaze moves back towards the living room.

“Just making sure... you’re doing it correctly... is all.”

Nana snorts and continues to shove Jody away with her tail, tsking and continuing to stir up the mixture. “BeeBee don’t lie to me, these biscuit’ aint even gonn be done till dinner! Go n sit down wit your sister and wait. Hessian and I got this covered.” Nana’s spoon gestures towards the headless horseman on the other side of the kitchen, gently arranging crackers in the shape of a horse. Before the scrafty could protest anymore, Nana quickly extends her tail fully and completely shoves Jody out of the kitchen. Jody huffs and slouches a bit with a pout as she makes her way back over to the couches.

Diane was leaning on her girlfriend Titia in a dozing off manner as the Salazzle continued to read her book calmly.

Jody’s eyes squinted in slight disgust at the sight, she didn’t like Titia one bit.

Well ‘didn’t like’ was a bit of a understatement. She positively loathed the shiny Salazzle her sister oh so sweetly leaned upon. She was perfectly alright with the white lizards existence before she started this ordeal to date her sibling.

She was a great cashier at their local market, always a helpful employee and she had always made their shopping visiting much more enjoyable! But now? She was perhaps the most awful person Jody had ever encountered.

Titia hadn’t done anything wrong, not morally or anything against the law. Was a delight to talk to! But ever since she started to court Diane, the mere thought of her made Jody squint in disgust. A truly wretched creature she was, that once sweet voice now was like claws on a chalkboard to her ears. A awful person, horrible and disgusting.

Jody slammed down onto the opposite couch with a huff, her desperate escape to the kitchen had been foiled and was now forced to be within the same room as them. Unable to leave the home at all, Nana didn’t allow any chores on thanksgiving, Jody pleaded to go out and rake the leaves or to repaint the shed even, but to no avail.

Her expression remained apathetic but nothing could stop her tail from slowly flickering in annoyance.

Titia looked up from her book and over that the scrafty with a worrisome expression, they hadn’t been getting along for a bit, if she knew any better she would think Jody was avoiding her. Granted Titia was always at a feeling of unease with Jody before, but somehow it had gotten worse. She sets her book down calmly and smiles in a attempt to spark up some friendly conversation. “I’m really happy that you guys invited me over for Thanksgiving Jody!.. normally I would spend it with my family but they invited my cousin Jordan over and he is such a pain haha”

“Mmhmm.” Jody’s grunt just barely loud enough for them to hear, her chin resting on her hand as her gaze slowly moves over and fixates on the Salazzle. Diane yawns and sits back upright with a stretch. “Oh it’s no problem Honey! You are alwaayyys welcome here!” She leans in and lands a gentle peck on the Salazzle’s cheek with a playful giggle.

Jody’s blood turns to ice and eyes quickly dart away from the sight in irritation.

Titia’s tail flicks at Jody’s response, what WAS her deal? She wasn’t giving up that easy though, she affectionately nuzzles Diane and then leans back calmly. “So uh.. we have a game this weekend right? Does coach have anything special planned haha, heard the rival team playing us is pretty tough!”

Jody doesn’t bother to make eye contact and posture remains still. “Not supposed to talk about it.” Her voice remained apathetic but Titia could feel the curt rudeness behind the response. The salazzle’s eyes fixated on the scrafty across from her as she struck her last nerve. Jody had been nothing but dismissive or blatantly rude to her all evening. Before she could lean forward and speak her mind, Hessian walks into the room triumphantly.

“HeyHoHoHo! Sorry to interrupt you sweet lass’s conversation hour! But I simply must borrow little Miss Jolene! I could dress and prepare the table myself, but it would be more efficient if I had another helping hand!” The blacephalon practically shouted his words as he usually does, almost knocking off his paper mache head in the process.

His head was well made by Diane in a attempt to cover up the fact he didn’t have one, but once every so often his head jerked a bit too much causing it to wobble.

Jody immediately seizes the opportunity to leave the room and practically leaps from her chair and rushes into the dining room, Hessian following closely behind.

Diane looks over at her partners expression with a frown, she wraps her arms around her and nuzzles into her neck. “Oh don’t worry about Jody, she’s just cranky she can’t have any biscuits right now I’m sure!”

Titia’s posture softens a bit at Diane’s words, although the scrafty was oblivious to the actual situation, her words calmed the Salazzle. Titia gently rests her head on Diane’s forehead with a smile, relieved it wasn’t a personal attack from Jody.

In the dining room, Hessian gently places a plate of cheese on the dining table and puffs his chest out proudly. “BEHOLD FAIR JOLENE.... I have shaped this MERE plate of cheddar Swiss and pepper jack into a marvelous HORSE!”

Jody looks over at the headless horseman standing proudly over the plate of cheese and raises a brow. “Didn’t you arrange the crackers into the shape of a horse?”

The blacephalon laughs heartily and takes a bow “INDEED I HAVE! As well as the plate of meats and the vegetable tray!” Jody huffs a bit in amusement at his antics, the man really loved horses.... and heads. But at least he wasn’t arranging everything into the shape of heads for once. She continues to set the table in silence, doing it as slow as reasonably possible to avoid having to go back out into the living room, when suddenly Hessian’s hand touches her shoulder.

“Pardon the touch Miss Jolene, but I feel as if this is needed for amplified comfort for what I am going to say” he pats her shoulder more firmly as she looks up at him in confusion. “You know Miss Jolene, Lass Diane loves you very much. Even more so than a normal sibling! The love you two have for one another, the care and trust, is stronger than a draft horse!”

Jody squints a bit at the draft horse comparison but slowly sets down her tray of silverware as the blacephalon continues to speak. “I know you are worried that Lass Diane courting someone may cause distance between you. But I can assure you that no living or dead creature could ever separate the bond that you have. Do not worry about Lady Tatia ‘taking her away from you’ but merely a new addition to the family!” He puffs his chest out proudly at the thought, Jody however being less than convinced at his words.

The horseman senses her doubts and continues to speak. “Well Miss Jolene, when I started to court my dearest Chloe, or well as you say.. Nana, did you feel the same? Did you once despise each move I made? Detest every word I spoke? Wish death upon each-“

He is cut off by Jody’s harsh words suddenly. “No I didn’t. But also you are right for Nana. Titia isn’t.” The young scrafties fists slowly clench as some anger slips out of her usual demeanor.

Hessian is taken a bit back by her small outburst, he hasn’t seen her this way since the first time they met in that unsavory manner. He scratches the fake head resting upon his shoulders, wondering what to say next as Jody continues to set the table. “Well Miss Jolene.... I know you may think that... you could even be correct! I can’t speak from experience but, I know that this... ‘highschool’ of yours is.. a experimental time in a young life nowadays! So maybe she isn’t right, but let Lass Diane figure it out for herself! Experience is the only way to grow! Experience! Adapt! Overcome! It applies to all aspects of our lives Miss Jolene... give her a chance maybe? If only for your siblings happiness?”

Jody nods in understanding, she truly understood what he was saying, but she didn’t like it. She didn’t agree with it. She knew her sister more than anyone else and therefor only she would know who would be best for her in the long run. Hessian’s words did continue to ring in her head, maybe from now on she shouldn’t interfere with her sisters relationships. She wouldn’t have to like it but just maybe mind her business. Maybe one day.

She flinches when suddenly she hears the loud familiar bell ringing, dinner time already. She must have been taking forever with setting the table, lost in her own thoughts for longer than intended. The scrafty hurried to the kitchen to help Nana and Hessian take out the food to the table.

Titia sits down and chimes in happily “so who leads the prayer?”. The table is suddenly drowned in silence, Nana nervously looking at the dead man sitting at the table. Diane and Jody look at one another, Diane visibly nervous and Jody attempting to hide a snicker. Titia’s expression turns to concern at the dead silence when suddenly Hessian’s voice booms loudly.

“WHY I SHALL LEAD IT! BEEN A FINE CENTURY SINCE I LEAD IN A PRAYER OF SORTS!” He laughs heartily as the expression from the Bennet Lizards turns into utter shock. They all nervously bow their heads in prayer awaiting what he was going to say next. The blacephalon bows his head and remains silent for a moment before his booming voice rings out.

“OH THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD. THANKS. MEN!” He drops his praying pose and begins serving food out to the girls, The Salazzle slowly breaks her pose in confusion. “....men?.... don’t you mean...ame-“ suddenly a plate of food is dropped in front of her by the horseman with a chipper voice “OF COURSE MY DEAR! ITS NEW SLANG OF COURSE! NOW LETS CARVE THE NO LONGER FEATHERED BEAST!”

The headless horseman holds the knife out to the table, offering the first carve to anyone there. Jody shakes her head and leans back in her chair “I think Titia should carve it. She is the guest after all!”

Diane looks at her sibling with a warm smile, the kindest thing the scrafty has said all evening. Titia is taken back by Jody’s sudden kindness but smiles warmly as she accepts the knife from Hessian. “Thanks Jody.. that means a lot.”

Jody smiles a bit back at her before she suddenly returns back to her usual expression, Diane’s hand gently rubbing her shoulder in appreciation. Nana scoots over the turkey towards Titia with a gentle smile. Titia slowly inserts the knife into the meat with excitement when she suddenly stops. “Wow haha this bird is so hot it’s still bubbling under the skin!”

Nana stops taking a sip of her wine. “I let it cool a bit though-“ Suddenly the turkey jerks towards Titia violently and the skin bubbles even more. The shiny Salazzle jumps back a bit at the sight when hot meat explodes everywhere, a bare applin rearing out of the turkey shrieking violently, obviously using the turkey instead of a apple for protection. Everyone at the table screams violently as suddenly the tiny worm dragon leaps at Titia, recognizing her as the villain who cut into his home.

Titia screams violently, unable to to get the tiny furious creature from her body, she drops the knife and runs from the home screaming. Diane screaming and following her out the door, Hessian quickly runs into the living room and grabs his sword. “HAHA! JOLLY GOOD TIME! A THANKSGIVING BEAST TO SLAY! DAREDEVIL MY BELOVED STEED! LET US RIDE TO SLAY IT!” The blacephalon sprinting out to his trusty rapidash outside to follow the two girls in a attempt to help.

Nana, who had jumped up suddenly and then slowly sits back down into her seat. Her claws gently grabbing her wine glass and taking a sip, gently shaking her glass back and forth and observing the wine swish back and forth. “So how did you do that, without me noticing or cooking the thing.”

Jody had never moved from her seat and leans forward and grabs a turkey leg that had flown across the table. Taking a bite and dipping a biscuit in some gravy. “I did it during the final checkup you did on the turkey, when you went to wash off the thermometer I had shoved it in. I coated it in enough burn heal to manage the last 25 minutes of it cooking.” She takes a sip of sparkling cider and smiles a bit as she continues to eat

Nana sighs, hoping that maybe this time the young Lizard would have liked Diane’s partners. She takes another sip of wine and begins to serve herself some mashed potatoes. “Happy thanksgiving Jolene.”

“Happy Thanksgiving Nana.”

[caps-clever-girl]

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

[i-amusemyself]

1 To 116.

Thanks anon!! Thats my boredom cured for the evening

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m actually not confused right now, which is a bloody rarity. I suppose I could say I’m slightly confused about my gender, but I try not to think about that tbh

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Occasionally, though to be fair I’m never awake in the mornings atm lmao

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

On a rare occasion? No. All the time? Probably.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no lmao have you met people?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Umm...I was with my bf..

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my mate from uni @bookdragonphoenix

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Instant break up. No excuses for that.

8: Are you close with your dad?

Hoo boi that’s complicated! It varies honestly, but more so than some people I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yeah

10: What are you listening to?

I’m listening to Ke$ha’s Die Young. It’s a tune okay?

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Coke Cola (that is how you spell it right? Fuck im dumb). I live off it anyway tbh

12: Do you like hickeys?

Um, I like getting them but I get embarrased if some people see them lmfao

13: What time do you go to bed?

Like 12am? Usually about 2 hours after I’m tired enough to sleep smh

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Besides me? I guess a couple of people that are...distant friends and possibly a few family members, not to call anyone out

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Well no lmao

16: Do you always answer your texts?

90% of them

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t know who I fell the hardest for. I don’t really recall past emotions that well.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Todayy

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

3 or 4 people yeah!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Fuck me I don’t know. Probably ughhh can I fall asleep pls

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope. I havent even seen another human today lmao

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

To an extent, but it’s not always guaranteed unfortunately

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Fuck no lmao

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

That depends on the definition of fix. If it solely relies on me doing things different, then no. But if it means someone else can themselves be fixed, sure.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Nah, wish I could though I feel like I need to

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Grey

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Not people I see anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Don’t think so. I think people are just busy.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have multiple

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Very :/

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

@oneshappyplace bc she loves it when i throw random shit her way and vice versa

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I mean besides the people I have long term issues with? Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Haha yeah

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

20. Oh jeeeeesus christ that’s a scary fucking thought. Nope-ing away from that.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

8 months ish?

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m going away to quite a few places. There’s more I want to do but I don’t know if it will ever get organised.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Besides my bf, not good ones. 

Edit: I completely forgot about one of my friends, yes I do

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally. Idk. Don’t ask don’t tell I guess.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah bc it aint anyones business

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I don’t think so. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent. Massive age gaps are weird, especially if one of them is hella young

42: Are you available?

Nein

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Eyebrow piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I guess? I mean I probs couldn’t do that but I guess for others 

46: Do you regret anything?

So fucking much omfg

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How shit I am at communication. I’m really starting to get mad at myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

In a way, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I...am ig

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yup

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Wow this is relentless with the kissing. Yah

53: What was the last thing you ate?

An orange

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Suffolk for latitude festival. How I ended up going there is a long story lmao

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Tons of stuff I guess. I mean I’m wearing my ohio state tshirt haha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

In the middle of england

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Fucking hell, like 7 or 8 weeks ago when I came back to uni

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Who hasn’t?

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nah 

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably @oneshappyplace or @apricot-el they get all my bs

63: What was the last movie you saw?

It’s called Chronicle, it was p good

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t fekkin ask that lmao! Hopefully the fact they’re happy and their ex is now miles away

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nein

67: Do you curse around your parents?

Yeah, much to their dislike

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, but I’m only here for 3 more weeks

69: Picture of yourself?

No chance. Just imagine stereotypical androgenous kid, but lanky af

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I prefer monogamy

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Um...I actually can’t remember

72: What do you most like about making out?

Feeling wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (sweet sweet depression and anxiety)

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Nah

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Strangely enough, me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

I cannot seriously pick one part

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

You guessed it it’s @oneshappyplace

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

I mean I’m alone

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Just cute unexpected gestures I suppose

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

I mean, maybe not currently but who knows if I was older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Just my closest friends and the person I have a crush on *eye roll*

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

No

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Years ago

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I mean I’ve met them now but yes 

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a kind, understanding human being with a damn good sense of humor

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Bothering friends lmao

89: Do you cook?

Occasionally. I used to a lot more but depression

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, but it only ever seems to be me making the effort, so every time I’ve let them go again

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

see like all previous answers lol

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamous stuff

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I honestly don’t know. I can never figure out my type, just, hotness lmao

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Dopamine, money, the power to help others more...thats it thats all I want

95: Are you a player?

Nein

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Nope

97: Are you a tease?

I can be but not in a cruel way

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Two people and we’re still close

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

That’s a loaded question yikes. I dont know.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

I mean I don’t know their tumblr but yh

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both. I can’t choose. I’m bi.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Probs idk

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

....their face?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Sure

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Not until I knew wtf they were playing at

106: Do you flirt a lot?

I’m hopeless at it

107: Your last kiss?

Yesterday

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

I haven’t kissed that many people, full stop.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Yikes see 107

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The bae tbh

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

I have a p good idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fekkin hope so

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah lmao

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious shit 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Once when drunk 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

In a relationship, for sure

[formulatemotif]

just. cut it all off with aiden and ruby today

i said this:

hey guys. i don’t know how to say this. the past few years of being both of your guys’s friends has been really fun, and i think, when i was younger, that we had some good times. now, though, i’m not the same person, and i don’t think that you are, either. i definitely see the merit in a lot of our interactions, but lately i feel like i’ve been experiencing a lot more of the bad than the good. trust me when i say that i know i’ve made my fair share of fuckups in the past, but they don’t seem to equal everything that has been done to me in return. it may not be intentional (and i totally get that!) but i don’t think this is sustainable for me anymore.

please know that this is really hard for me to do. i cherish the memories we’ve made together and all the time i’ve spent with both of you. i care about you even now, and all i’ve ever wanted is for you two to be happy. i know it seems counterintuitive that i’m doing this, but at some point i have to do what is best for me. i have mulled over this for several months now. you absolutely have the right to be upset, and you can air your grievances as much as you want, i’m all for that. i don’t want to guilt trip you at all; you can say exactly how you feel.

then ruby said something along the lines of “i was expecting this, i will really miss you” and i took it in the worst way i was like wtf ur fine then ? fuck u! heres what i said before i blocked them on discord like a middle schooler

i guess i always cared more than you did, but for future reference, please don’t trail people along the same way you did me. all those times you reassured me of our friendship hurts more than anything. i can’t believe i poured so much of myself into this relationship and i’m met with apathy at its closure. i am distraught and you’re completely fine. i really don’t want to leave things on a bad note but i had to say that. i hope you do well in the future

thennnn they said this to me on imessage:

i know this is probably really rude to send on here after you already stopped messaging me on discord but i just really wanted to get this across. im sorry i came off as apathetic, i know i have a habit of doing the ‘everything is fine!’ bit after something major, but im still kind of processing everything and i didnt want to come off as mad or upset with you for your decision. its tearing me whats going on and to lose someone so dear to me that ive known for so long. there were so many times you were there for me when i didnt deserve it or didnt even want to admit i needed someone there for me in the first place and im so grateful to have had you as a friend. ive been distraught and practically bawling since i got home just figuring out how to feel about all of it and the last thing i want is to leave off the way it is right now. things have gotten so strained between us but really do i care about you and the years we spent together and i just want you to be ok. please dont feel like you have to respond, i just wanted to get this across. im sorry again

and i was like. duh why tf did i freak out like that. and now i feel really guilty. i said this tho

thanks for reaching out, im sorry i cut you off and took it in the worst way possible. you were a really good friend to me too and i don’t want things to end poorly either because i care about you so so so much. im so glad you respect my decision, and maybe we could be friends again someday, but you know how i feel for now. i really really really hope for the best for you

and aiden still aint really said shit but he has been all snippy w me although i have been snippy w him. he picked up his clothes and rubys stuff too

maybe im just like. not a good friend at all. you know. maybe Theyre the ones that need better friends because .

[eldbitch-horror]

Lost Aggressive Youth: Chapter 2

A commission for @thisismydesignhannibal which should have been done long ago. thank you for your patience! 

Its a rocky start, a violent beginning. This only intrigues Hannibal further.

The young teens find common ground in the oddest of things.

also can be read here on ao3, comments and kudos are more than welcome! 

By now, Will’s ice cream had dribbled down all over his hand, and he was quickly licking it up. “Where are we going?” He asked between licks. Hannibal realized that Will would stick out like a sore thumb in his house.

“My house, if you don’t mind. We have a large backyard, and the woods are divine.” Will, of course, didn’t miss the fact that Hannibal was trying to impress him, but he nodded all the same. It really did sound nice, and Hannibal seemed alright.

Arriving at the estate, Will’s eyes went large. It was all so… fancy . The yard was gated, the word “ Lecter ” donned it with large gold letters.  Hannibal had to press a button and announce his arrival to get in. The driveway was paved in a large loop so vehicles could drive right up to the door. He assumed this was so the Lecters and their guests didn’t have to walk. The grass was immaculately kept, and there were hedges in the shape of various animals. No dogs, but there was a cool lion. The house itself was large, victorian. Like the old farm houses back home. Except much bigger. It was missing a porch, a heinous crime. Though there was a balcony on the third floor.

“How many people live here?”  It had to be at least two families. There was no other explanation for a house this big. Ivy crawled up the sides, but it was obviously well kept and for aesthetics.

“My parents and I.” Hannibal stated simply, and looked to Will with a soft smile, “I know it seems excessive.” He noted.

“Excessive? It’s fucking insane!” Just one family? What a waste of space. And with winters it had to be a hell of a thing to heat. “Goddamn, why so much?”

Hannibal’s mouth hung agape for a moment at such language, but soon clamped it shut, “My parents were, and are, very prominent people. That is why.” His voice held a tone of irritation at Will’s words. He didn’t ask to be born here.

“Still, lots of people could use this.” Will lived in a small community that took care of each other. There was really no such thing as a single family home unless you were lucky. It was how people got by. Together, as a whole unit. A village of urban proportions. Hannibal shook off the irritation, and let out a long sigh.

“Where did you grow up?” Hannibal asked after just a moment of thought. It was only fair. Especially since he was being judgemental. William was quiet for a moment, wondering if he should tell him one of the many stories he told strangers who asked where he lived, or where his mommy was. He also thought about just ignoring the question. Though Hannibal didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would let that fly. So he decided to tell a half truth.

“Little place in Louisiana. Not near as big as this. We live good though, and that’s why we can travel.” He fibbed, “We just like to be free, y’know? It’s real nice because it’s just me and daddy, so we get to do whatever we want!” Hannibal absorbed this information. He could smell a lie from a mile away. Quite literally. Adrenaline had a sour, feral smell, and he caught a strong whiff of Will’s. Hannibal’s lips turned down in a frown at that,

“Interesting, I’ve been to New Orleans before, it was quite dirty.” He noted, deciding not to confront Will just yet. However he would give him a little something to be pissed at for the time being. Wills response was a scowl, muddled by ice cream sticking to his cheeks.

“It ain’t fuckin dirty!” He snarled, and Hannibal actually recoiled. He wasn’t expecting that reaction. What a feral boy indeed. “It’s a nice place! Nicer than this place!” Of course that wasn’t the truth. Their little trailer was hardly anything at all. Will threw a fist, and he popped Hannibal right square in the nose. He staggered back from it, and cupped his face with watering eyes. Will just stood there, perhaps in a bit of shock for what he did. He then dropped what was left of his drippy ice cream and ran back the way he came. Hannibal tried to call for him, but it was a faint echo as Will tore back to their dumpy home.

Will had long finished crying by the time he got home, but the dirt smudges gave it away. Breathlessly he called to his father that he was home. There was no reply, so he went into the kitchen for something to eat. The smell of mildew was stronger in the kitchen, most likely due to the drip under the sink. It was surface cleaned at least, but still dingy and smoke stained. The fridge revealed nothing but a foul smell. Something had been left behind last year, and it hadn’t fared well. He quickly disposed of it, and gave up on finding food. It was all still on the boat. With a sound of defeat he sank onto the couch. Now he was not only lonely, but hungry too. His knuckles felt a bit sore as well.

A loud noise made Will jump from the nap he didn’t realize he was taking. It was the door swinging open. “William, come help me.” His father’s familiar voice soothed him, and he hopped up to help despite still feeling blurry.

A friend of his dad’s had let him use his truck to haul their stuff over to the house. Will helped move their meager belongings into the house, especially excited about the food he was putting in the fridge.

“Goddamn boy, is that smell you?” His father asked, a crooked grin spreading his lips. Will smiled shyly,

“No daddy, somethin’ got left in the fridge.” He explained, and his dad just grunted in response to that. It didn’t take long to finish unpacking. The sun was just beginning to dip below the horizon, and Will went to see if he could get some TV channels to come in.

Morning came all too soon. Will had stayed up the night before watching TV long after his father had retired for the night. He was now just pouring himself cereal like a zombie. Daddy had left for work before the sun risen, and now it was nearly noon. Just as he was about to take a big ol mouth full of cocoa pebbles, there was a knock at the door that made him jump. He huffed, and got up to answer it. Probably one of his dad’s friends hoping to catch him. It was quite the shock to see Hannibal standing there. His clothes were still fancy, but now his pants were replaced with shorts. Still a lot of layers despite the humidity. Will blocked the sun from his eyes as he opened the door,

“What do you want?” Hannibal’s nose had a small split in it, but it didn’t seem to be broken. His chin retracted ever so slightly at such a rude greeting,

“Why did you hit me?” Will nervously looked around to make sure no one else was there to jump him. Although there were no immediate signs, he didn’t completely relax.

“You were mean. I get upset easily.” Was the best he could do to explain. Temper ran in the family. Hannibal seemed displeased with that explanation, but he nodded.

“Don’t do it again.” He ordered, which of course made Will bristle. ‘ You aint the boss of me.’  He growled inwardly, but nodded. “May I come in?” Will shuffled out of the way, grimacing. His house was disgusting compared to the pristine conditions Hannibal was accustomed to. That was reflected by the look on Hannibal’s face as he entered the home. Hannibal’s nose wrinkled as if he smelled something, perhaps it was the mildew or whatever had lived in the fridge while they had been gone. Whatever it was, Will’s hackles were up.

“Want something to drink?” Of course Hannibal wanted to refuse that offer, but knew better. This was one feral pup he had in front of him.

“Water, please.” was his simple reply. Will thought about spitting in it. He didn’t want Hannibal to be so keen on him. Better Hannibal  just didn’t like him so he could stay at the boatyard with his daddy. Yet here this prudish person sat, now the one out of place. He brought him the water, and Hannibal took it. The younger of them didn’t miss that he didn’t even take an actual drink. He pressed it to his lips, but surely the water was not pristine enough for his pallette.

The small talk was painfully forced as they sipped their water and Hannibal surveyed the house with detest. Finally Will let out a loud huff,

“Why the fuck are you still here?!” It was an accusing statement, and Hannibal’s chin tucked like a pissy cat.

“I don’t know, truly. You interest me. You’re feral.” He decided to leave out the part that he thought Will smelled nice.

“You’re such a judgemental ass. Go back to your hoity toity shit.” he demanded, but all Hannibal did was just stare at him.

“No, I don’t want to do that.” This made Will want to punch him in the face again. He didn’t understand this boy. He didn’t want to understand him. Plus he was a bossy imbecile.

Silence dominated the conversation for nearly a half hour, before Hannibal finally spoke just to break the humid silence,

“What do you do around here?” The sudden speech made Will jump just a bit.

“Watch tv… Go fishing, and sometimes I play in the woods.” The last bit sounded a lot less boring than the other two options to Hannibal.

“What do you do in the woods?” Will wasn’t sure he wanted to reveal this part of him to the prudish boy, but he relented.

“Follow me, and I’ll show ya.” He then ran out the door, and down the path into the woods. Hannibal quickly got up and followed, admittedly struggling to keep up with the limber cub. Will led them deep into the woods, eventually straying off the beaten path, down a deer trail. Hannibal’s bare legs  were not enjoying the branches and occasional thorns that struck it. His shoes were not doing much better. It was a wonder how Will could navigate with no shoes at all.

After a few minutes, Will was back on another trail. Will found himself rather impressed that Hannibal was keeping up, and so easily too. His nice clothing seemed to be all sorts of busted up though. However, Will figured he probably had plenty of those anyways.

It was just another moment and they broke out into a small clearing in the dense trees. The sun still didn’t reach down, and the air smelled damp and earthy. Bones littered the forest floor. Not in random scattered formation, like an animal would leave. No, this was neatly organized. Skulls in their own spot, femurs in another, antlers hanging on tree branches.

“This is yours?” Hannibal was astonished, and it slipped through his cool facade, painted all over his face. Will was pleased, he figured it would be much harder to impress someone as fancy as Hannibal.

“Yea! I’ve collected them since we started comin’ here. So… four years.” He mused, and Hannibal began carefully examining each one. A tiny bird skull, a possum, in near entirety save for a few vertebra, quite a few deer bones, including: skulls, antlers, hooves, and other miscellaneous bones. It was truly a spectacular display, obviously Will had taken time to put this together. The intricacy was not lost to Hannibal,

“This is a truly impressive collection. What did you use to clean them?” Will puffed up at the compliment,

“Bleach we had sitting around. A lot of them I found mostly clean though. No cleanin’ required.” This of course made Hannibal a little more hesitant to touch some of the bones. However, Will didn’t seem to be diseased, so there wasn’t much worry for himself. He hoped. Delicate hands picked up a small bird skull,

“How do you preserve them?” Will rolled his eyes then,

“You know not everything has to be a process. A science. Nature gave me these, and eventually nature will take ‘em back.” It socked Hannibal much harder than the punch to his nose did. That was beautiful, poetry to his ears nearly.

“So what happens when she takes them back then?” He was intrigued more than ever. Pleased Will had a semi-morbid curiosity. Perhaps he could coax more of that out of him. There was a beast crawling beneath that boys skin that he wanted to capture.

“She gives me new ones. Everything dies eventually, and these woods seem to be a peaceful place for animals to come and slip away. This clearing is where I found that deer.” Will pointed to said deer bones with a grubby finger. Hannibal abandoned the bird skull to examine the deer. Near perfect, and arranged as if the animal had laid to rest right in that spot. Perhaps it had, but he didn’t want to sound stupid to Will.

The afternoon was spent discussing the different bones, current ones that occupied the hallowed ground, and those of the past. Hannibal inquired, poked, prodded, and discussed as much as he could. He liked to see the brightness Will’s eyes took while talking about these things. He even found himself playing stupid, just to hear Will talk more and ‘teach’ him about them.

Once the sun started to set, the woods cast deep shadows, hardly lit by the fading lights.

“I think I should get home now. Daddy will be home, I gotta make dinner.” Hannibal agreed, and followed Will out of the darkening space. At the treeline they parted ways. Both Hannibal and Will shared identical feelings. Loneliness that boiled up from their gut and into their chests, like bad heartburn.

[sdheath]

108. The Unbearable Madness of Being

This is a long one. But worth getting to the end. Nothing makes us suffer more than our own minds. The first part is a poem - the second is a rough transcript about a young drug addict and schizophrenic called Richard. This is all about his struggle against delusion and psychosis - his struggle to live and to die

"Dekay of timber, lead and glass The Great Hall is fallen down Ruyne of this castell is compleet” Thomas Manners, 1st Earl of Rutland, 1538, talking about Nottingham Castle A winter of speed and ice-cold vodka hidden behind the skip, in a cleaner’s bucket cooled by the falling snow. Yes, he was lonely but never left alone. His gods told him things: a constant stream of the ways things should be. Even in his dreams, he sat amongst them, always, on the fringes of underworld society learning about real power.

Heroin, when he could get it, flicking syringes and tightening belts and dirty yellow rubber tubes; sitting in a council flat that had slowly spiralled, and come to mean nothing to him but somewhere to negate the pull of gravity - somewhere to stub out your fags - line up the lager cans. And under the bed he keeps the only fragments of his life left Like his precious Wilson Staff 100 junior His stroke is still text book - and being a small man the raquet still does him well and photos - I don’t know who made me smile like that I look like a little demon - somebody was making me happy And the scar - like a sepia map of the Australia only visible when his hair was shaved closely. In and out of the fortress - always on the suicide watch He wants to kill himself but not because he is sad His gods promise him a crown on Boxing day They say the deadline is immovable - prepare a way That’s all they seem to care about Prepare a way and we will make you King Consequently - in the walls of the fortress Richard feels quite perky - looking forward to Christmas But he needs to win a game with his warders before they’ll let him home His Christmas gifts for his mum and his nan are cheap but thoughtful For Richard the boiling oil came from someone he should be able to trust not tipped from above the portcullis - but from a chip pan by a stepfather one of a long long line of men his mother needed for the drugs/drink/rent

Richard's story

“Things aren’t going to well. Hopefully I’ll heal and get away from the drugs” He threatened someone with a (neighbour) with a knife and assaulted a nurse - put in the Willows - intensive care ward for psychiatric patients.

Richard believes everyone can hear voices but nobody will admit it to him

“The gods won’t let me brush my teeth - I pulled this girl in a night club - she kissed me - “Wait a minute I don’t want to know you - your breath stinks”. But the gods won’t let me wash your teeth.”

He has hallucinations, hears voices and his thinking is delusional. Believes in the gods and their words with the conviction that anyone believes their own thoughts. Since 19 (listens to his gods). Talking to psychiatrist:

“Life is mad - noone else in the history of time is like me … gods will give me spirit to rule England. I’m going to get four bags into the syringe and try and get them into my arm. If I die and end up in hell then I’ll be happy. Now if I take it and I don’t die and I wake up the next day - it’ll mean the gods are messing me about - because the gods have told me that I’m going to hell on Christmas day - hell for me would be great - so if I wake up Boxing day and I’m not dead and I’m not in hell I’ll be right pissed off because that just means everything is fucked, do you know what I mean?”

“When I was young and my mum had a boyfriend and they were both pissed - he was six - scared shitless - threw it at his mum - his mum was scared you see - she didn’t want to get beaten up - the guy who did it didn’t want to leave the house - she got him to hospital eventually”

Richard looking at a photo of himself when he was a young boy

“Better looking when I was younger - at 5 - looked stocky - went on holiday - you looked like a happy kid - yeah I was on holiday - it was good time -  crikey - I look different there - I’ve got a fish. Crikey I don’t know who that is making me smile like that. i look like a little demon. This is me when I was about nine or ten - my eyes look a bit tired - that’s me when I was about twelve - this is me on holiday - I worked out a bit there - you can see my chest is a bit bigger - I liked it on holiday - it was nice. 

Were you happy at that age?

Long pause: “I think so yeah. I was abused when I was at secondary school - once I was abused my school time wasn’t very good because I knew that people knew. Abused sexually by the head teacher - didn’t tell the head - should have done really. 14 if you do it at the age of 14 then society tends to say that it’s your fault - your advanced enough - but I wasn’t - I hadn’t had a girl friend.”

A few months later - just before being forced back (sectioned) into a mental hospital

“I was awake all night - I had some speed - it was good - so I had some more. At some point I’ll stick the needle in my arm and I’ll wake up in hell hopefully.

Everybody knows there’s an afterlife - everybody knows there’s a hell and a heaven. I could take this overdose and go to hell and get loads of spirit and when I get out of hell I’ll be king of england and then one day I’ll be master of the  universe.h

In hospital for more than 4 months. Richard’s home is a flat - housing association - but hasn’t been home since he was sectioned. Going with a member of staff to collect his mail. The flat is filthy - covered in beer cans, syringes and general squalor. Richard is visibly ashamed.

“Bloody hell - excuse me it’s really really lousy in here. Someone must have broken in and when they couldn’t find anything - obviously I’m not happy about the state of my flat. It’s usually untidy but it aint like this - somebody’s broken in and sorted it for money. Strange even thought it looks the state it does it still seems like home. Only take a couple of hours tops to tidy it up. Someone’s been having heroin or crack - now this is probably one of my oldest possessions - think of that what you will - and this is a Wilson staff 100 junior - I’m only a small bloke so I don’t a full size racket - no pun intended - I miss playing tennis.”

After leaving hospital he tries to overdose - put it in his arm - 30 seconds and he passed out. Was not alone. Next time - on Christmas Day he will make sure that he is on his own. He talks to his psychiatrist - faking a positive outlook.

“Let’s face it there’s no such thing as the afterlife - when you’ve lived your life you’ve lived your live. The idea that I would become superior in the afterlife is nonsense. There’s no such as an afterlife. I want to get out there and pull a chick - I want to make my grandmother a great grandmother. I’ve got no intention to commit suicide - I want to live life.”

As Christmas approaches Richard talks to the camera

“It’s a bit annoying to be moved to this ward.”

Paranoid that the nurses were taking energy from him. Shouting at nurses. 

“At Christmas I’m going to take a heroin overdose and die - I’ll be honest - I’ll say I feel fine - say I’m happy - I’m not going to commit suicide - I’ll get out of hospital and go an do it.”

Despite his plans to kill himself he’s feeling festive. He goes into Bulwell (Nottinghamshire).

 “It’s only a small shopping centre but has three pound shops and 3 charity shops - it’s wicked - y’know what I mean. This - you know sometimes you don’t get a present because you think about it sometimes something just jumps out at you. Well at the time it just jumped out at me - it’s like I like the design the aluminium and plastic but the problem is - it’s, like, a whisk. Why’s he bought me a bloody whisk but she’s stopped drinking and she’s not eating that much she needs to do more cooking - so that’s why I bought mum a whisk and this - the only way to get alcohol into my gran is in liquer chocolates so I’m going to forcefeed gran liqueur chocolates all day Christmas and see if I can get gran pissed. Wraps presents. Apparently you should have a glass of wine and some music -

After another session with the psychiatrist.

I talked to them about my gods - and they wouldn’t let me out - so I decided not to talk to them about my voices and hopefully people will think I’m a bit more sane. Doesn’t look that way - not home for christmas - maybe a couple of hours to give my family their presents and open mine. I was reading a book by the Dalai Llama that tells you to think of those worse off than you. I get food and a fair bit of money that’s good - but not everything is good. Basically yeah I ‘ll commit suicide when I get a chance to. Not at Christmas - yeah I’ve been told that I can do it anytime after Christmas and go to hell - whenever they let me out I’ll just commit suicide - that’s the good thing - usually I have to wait until Christmas. To get big in spirit and train to become a king. So that’s the good side of things at the moment. Doesn’t have to be at Christmas. 

Your gods have told you that have they? 

“Yeah. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have gods - makes things difficult. But what am I meant to do? 

I’m looking for another word for shopping - give me another word for shopping.”

Why do you need another word - BIG LAUGHTER

“I dunno - BIG LAUGH - why why does the snow fall on the grass?

Is that it - yeah - is that - do you know when you’re filming do you reach a pause like that? Yeah - like a natural pause - and that’s where you’re meant to stop. Great - you learn something everyday.”

4 months later he died of a suspected overdose.

4th September 2019