#he wanted to overcome his insecurities and self hatred and all that because he knew ichiban was going to be there with him the whole time

[kamuro-junrenka]

(❗️Spoilers for like all yakuza games especially in the tags❗️)

Tbh the one thing i genuinely hate about yakuza is that when you play enough games you realize the same exact thing happens to every villain and it gets sooo fucking boring and annoying (at least for me obviously i cant speak for everyone) because its like. Kiryu fights the bad guy, the bad guy loses, and something happens that makes the bad guy either die or dissappear forever and im so tired because now every time i play a yakuza game and theres a villain or just someone who has different ideologies from kiryu WILL die or dissappear so i just. Dont get hyped at all :(

[weakforarwen]

Regarding 1x3, Gaius shows the afanc’s shell to Uther which bears Nimueh’s mark, hence Nimueh was responsible for the plague. But I get your point - it doesn’t prove that Gwen didn’t use magic to cure her father. Another plot hole for the books! This show is just riddled with them. OTOH the growth of Gwen’s character between this episode and 3x10 is evident - when she is accused in this episode she is terrified, begging for her life but in 3x10 she stays calm & even talks back to Uther!

Right, that's true! But, like you said, that doesn't explain why Gwen was pardoned or proven innocent of witchcraft.

Watching season 1, it's surprising how much Gwen changes! There's a huge difference between Gwen at the start of the season, and, for example, in The Moment of Truth. It's like night and day. She's much more outspoken and confident, enough to tell Arthur off twice! In the beginning of season 2, she's even more confident of herself but still a bit unsure because she's "only" a servant. She's so cool and collected around Arthur though, more than he.

However, by the end of season 3, Gwen's no longer insecure and carries herself quite differently. She's cooler, sharper. I think this is mostly a consequence of her being secure in her relationship with Arthur and of her newfound purpose in life. She knows Arthur loves her and has hopes that they'll one day marry. She used to be insecure about being a servant, who couldn't possibly compare to a princess, but Arthur's love, and the fact that he chose her over Elena and his father, helped her feel more confident and comfortable with herself. Feeling secure in a relationship and in your role in life increases your self-confidence, right?

And so does overcoming difficulties. Gwen survived Morgana and Uther's hatred. She felt hope, not only for herself and Arthur, but for Camelot. I think Gwen finally felt like she had an important part to play and a way to fulfil her hopes for a better Camelot, and that was to support Arthur and make sure he became the King they all needed.

You're right about how brave Gwen was in Queen of Hearts. Like Merlin, I think Gwen found something bigger than herself to believe in: Arthur. She believed in his destiny to make Camelot a fair and just Kindgom, and she believed in the love they shared, bigger than Uther could ever hope to comprehend and which would outlast his hatred and fear. That's why Gwen was strong in the face of death. Her love for Arthur and Camelot were bigger than her love for herself. She knew one day Uther would fall but Arthur would triumph and avenge her death by being better than his father.

But I don't think Arthur was the only influence in Gwen's life! I think he was the biggest due to the nature of their relationship, but certainly not the only one.

There was Morgana, who first showed Gwen that a noble could care for their servants and treat them equally. Morgana was an admirable person in the beginning, much more humble and outspoken, and kinder and braver, than Arthur was. Their friendship and her character were proof that the nobility didn't need to act superior to the commoners and that not all royals were like Uther. Morgana was once Gwen's biggest champion.

There was Lancelot, who she wanted to become a knight because she believed Camelot needed normal people like him, and not just Arthur and his men. Lancelot also believed that dying for Gwen would be a most honorable death, even though she was "only" a servant. Gwen thought he stood for all that was good in the world. He showed Gwen that people could be pure of heart.

Then, there was Merlin, who was a servant like her, yet always stood up for what he believed in, broke laws and defied conventions, and was so influential with Arthur. He showed her a servant could do great things and Gwen relied on him to save the day, or just Arthur, many times.

Also, honorable mention to Gaius. She was his assistant during some of Camelot's battles so she was able to contribute to the safety and wellbeing of Camelot in that way.

So yeah, all these people were part of Gwen's journey!

Thanks for the ask!

[caffeinated-cryptid]

you got an ego so big (it'll eat you alive).

roman-centric hurt/comfort (w/ remus, patton and virgil). 

11.7k words | AO3 link | warnings: self-hatred, semi-intentional self-destruction, various injuries, arguing, remus-typical jokes and topics.

“At the best of times, Roman’s job was a tightrope act between maintaining a healthy amount of self-confidence and the ability to adapt and take criticism. Throughout his life he walks this line many times, always with the expectation that if he were to fall one way or the other, no one would be there to catch him.

But sometimes when you’re up miles high, it can become difficult to see the safety net on the ground below you.

(aka an expansion on the premise that a bruised ego causes literal injuries and the issues this could cause when you're an insecure prince with a need to please and the weight of the world on your shoulders).”

------------------

To be overly aware of your own self is often associated with negative traits, such as narcissism, self-consciousness or a sensitivity to mistakes. Although to some with a proclivity towards the spotlight, it can become an inadvertent consequence of over-analyzing yourself in order to achieve those flawless performances. Naturally, gaining any sort of notoriety and attempting to retain that positive image means becoming intimately aware of your faults and staying open to change, taking criticism to heart all the while keeping relatably humble. On the other hand, it may also mean letting that same criticism become your one sole focus, tearing you down instead of becoming a rung in the ladder that's supposed to take you to higher places.

Roman often found that navigating these gray areas was a momentous task. To be proud of his work, but not be too unbearably egotistical to the point that it blinded him. To accept criticism but not allow the pursuit of perfection to destroy him.

His role was truly a balance; a thin tightrope he constantly had to traverse.

And on occasion, he would end up slipping.

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I - bonds that tie us.

Roman first learned of his job as the ego when Thomas was young. With Remus at the helm of most of the subconscious and instinctual stuff as his id, perhaps he should've assumed that he would have a similar mirrored purpose beyond simply confidence, however it hadn't ever really come into play until one afternoon when the two of them were busy playing in The Imagination.

They had just concluded a close duel against each other and were putting their weapons away (cardboard ones, since Feelings didn't want them running around with real weapons once he found out they were using them to fight, and because Fear and Lies often fretted about them doing something stupid and getting hurt). Usually neither of them held the lead for long during their matches since they were so well-matched, but today Remus had won easily, which Roman chalked up to him feeling off ("Yeah right. Don't be such a sore loser." "It's true!"). Either way, Remus would be bragging about the victory until the next time they got the opportunity to duel, and that meant he was already rubbing it in as they prepared to leave.

On their way to the exit, Remus had taken the lead at some point and was throwing out ideas about they should do later when Roman unexpectedly paused and doubled over, clutching his head. Remus didn't notice that he'd stopped until he heard a groan and turned around.

"What's wrong? Didn't hit you too hard, did I?" He asked with a grin as if he assumed that Roman was still playing- perhaps trying to make up an excuse for his terrible loss.

"I- Dunno. My head hurts…" Roman cringed, eyes screwed shut.

Remus' smile faltered when he realized it might not be a joke and he walked back, peeling Romans hands away from his forehead. Underneath was a large red patch of irritated skin which looked set to bruise. His frown deepened because he definitely didn't cause that, nor did he witness any incidents during the day which would be the cause. "How'd that happen?

"Dunno!" He repeated, eyes going blank for a moment while he caught up with what was happening outside. The two of them were usually much too distracted when they were in The Imagination to pay attention to everything that transpired in the real world, especially on weekdays like this when Thomas would be in school and Creativity wasn't exactly needed during most classes. "...Thomas was told off for slacking in front of the entire class and he got some bad grades on his report card… He's feeling embarrassed, I think.

Remus was confused by how this was relevant until he pieced together that the two events were linked to what was happening to his brother. His eyes widened in realization before they settled into determination. "Then I'll fight him until he stops feeling bad."

That startled a laugh out of Roman, until his head started pounding and he cut himself off with a grimace. "...’Can't do that."

He laughed too, in hopes that it would lift Roman's spirits again. "Can too! I'll figure it out, then he'll be too busy worrying about his broken bones to care about what some dumb teacher said. Maybe then he'll get to skip school for a while and do something funner like-"

"Remus." Roman hissed over him, overcome with a sudden dizzy spell. His hand found Remus’ shoulder for purchase, which stopped his twin in his rant.

Remus stared at him in alarm. This seemed serious, and he didn't do too well with handling serious things. "Do... Do you want me to get Feelings? Or Learning? Or Lies?"

"No. None of them. I just wanna go home." He whined, leaning more and more against Remus for support.

' Home' in their case was what they called their shared room. It was where they always returned to at the end of a long day, and no matter what had happened, they could always feel their troubles wash away as they sat in their own little world once more. Roman longed for that feeling, to escape the too-bright sun of The Imagination which now felt like it was blinding him and just lay down for a while.

Remus nodded hesitantly, the plans he had spun of pulling a prank on Fear and Lies forgotten. Normally the two Creativities preferred to find the door of The Imagination manually (they claimed it made the experience more immersive when they were out on an adventure), but instead he reached towards the exit and the world twisted around them, ejecting them out together. They came out the other side back in their room, next to their bunk bed. Instead of climbing up to his bed on the top, Roman just about threw himself onto Remus' sheets. Somehow he managed to ignore the weird smell of the fabric that he always complained about, which spoke greatly about his current well-being.

Remus hovered behind him, unsure of what to do, when Roman let out another pained noise and curled up tighter. "What now?!"

"Thomas...parents.

Since that didn't really explain anything, Remus decided to check up on what was happening outside himself. Thomas' parents had asked to see his report card and they were giving him the 'not mad but disappointed talk', while Thomas was shrunk into himself in shame. Yikes, Learning mustn't be feeling too hot about this either. But right now his focus was on his brother, who the sight of in such a sorry state filled him with rage.

"Now I want to fight them too." Remus muttered darkly. "Take the knife from the kitchen that dad uses to cut up turkeys and make them stop talking forever. Then we won't have to deal with this again and you won't-"

Oh right, Roman was still injured. Focus, Remus. Concern. Right, he was concerned for his brother, who was hurting like he had never seen, even after their fights. What could he do about this? He was always so much better at destroying things than fixing them, so having to deal with a situation like this without any sort of guidance made him nervous.

"You can't hurt them." Roman protested weakly.

"Maybe if I want to enough I could!"

Remus walked around the bunk bed and settled down on the side Roman was facing towards. From this angle he could see new bruises spattered along his brother's arms. In a grotesque way, the different shades came together like a watercolour painting. Except instead of a canvas, they were on a body- Remus shook his head. Focus! He could draw sickly yellow and purple-inspired pictures later, when Roman would be in the mood to be more good-humored about it.

"You shouldn't, then. It's bad."

"...Alright then. What should I do Ro-bro?"

Roman cracked open one eye and looked at him. "Stay? Until Thomas feels better?"

Considering he was just grounded for the weekend, Remus wasn't sure how long it would take for this hit to Thomas' self esteem to blow over, but despite knowing this he nodded anyway.

"Okay."

He laid down next to Roman, not commenting when he hid his face against the covers and started sniffling, or when he eventually fell asleep, curled against his side like how they would sleep when they were newly-split. When Learning knocked in their door to tell them that dinner was ready, he made a weak excuse that they were busy and would eat later.

Without even asking he knew Roman would want this to be kept between them, despite how the others would undoubtedly fuss and nurse him back to health. And perhaps that was the reason why. His brother always wanted to appear infallible to the others and did so replicating the heroes from the stories they read, which often meant refusing to admit when he needed help and trying to do everything himself. If you asked Remus, he was trying way too hard to be like the Creativity that came before them, which was silly because they were different now and as they were, they needed each other.

Remus closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep too. This seemed like a big deal, so Roman's pride would have to pass eventually for him to seek help. Right?

------------------

II - even without dying you're dead to me.

In retrospect, Remus had underestimated Roman’s ability to keep a secret (maybe because he was so quick these days to run over to Feelings, now Morality, whenever Remus did something to upset him. Tattle-tale).

Now that they were older and their roles were more defined, their once shared-room had separated into two to adjust to this change. Even though it had been long enough that he should be used to the feeling of being alone, there were still times where Remus had to try to not let it bother him when he looked up at night, expecting to see the familiar underside of a top bunk and instead only finding the ceiling he had painted an underwater-themed mural on.

On nights like this, far too sentimental to enter a peaceful rest, they would go sleep in each other's rooms, saying nothing as they tried to pretend they were as close as they once were. Remus groaned into his pillow, fighting that annoying urge to seek comfort. He was a teenager now, he didn't want to be so attached at the hip to a side who had started looking at him with disgust and fear instead of the fondness they used to share. Sometimes he couldn't help it though, clinging to the days when everything felt simple and the biggest thing they had to worry about was finding time to create the things they enjoyed. At the very least he was glad that Roman didn't mock him for his occasional bouts of uncharacteristic sentiment; that would solidify for him that there were no remnants of the relationship they once had left.

With that depressing thought, he rolled out of bed. He couldn't sleep tonight so he was going to make that Roman's problem; that always cheered him up. Perhaps if he hadn't made such a disturbed face when Remus had talked about the brazen bull he had made earlier that day, he would feel a bit more sympathy for waking his brother up in the middle of the night. Buuut he didn't and he was feeling petty, so without a second thought he sunk out and into Romans room.

"WAKEY WAKEY~!" Remus clashed two cymbals together like one of those nightmare-inducing wind-up monkeys, only to belatedly realize the bed he was facing was empty.

He blinked, both in confusion and to adjust his eyes to the unexpected light of the room. Both of them may be night owls, but Roman would usually be asleep by 2am at least, and it was way past that hour. Looking around the room, his eyes latched onto the vanity where his brother was sitting, looking incredibly startled from the deafening crash of metal against metal.

"Get out!" He yelled once his shock faded into indignation, glaring at Remus.

Remus didn’t respond, staring at the medical supplies spread across the surface. Roman was in the middle of wrapping a compression bandage around his thigh, which he abandoned as soon as Remus had entered.

"Did you get something stuck in your ear again? I'm not in the mood to deal with you tonight, Remus. Leave ."

"What happened?" He blurted out before he could even think about the question.

"Doesn't matter. In case you've forgotten, the door's right there. Feel free to use it at any point."

Instead of complying (because when had Remus ever done that for anyone? No no, it was always more exciting to do the opposite of what people ask and see what happens), he crossed the room, ignoring how Roman increasingly looked like he wanted to punch him the longer he lingered.

"Bitch, it obviously does matter, otherwise you wouldn't be looking like you got trampled by a cracked-out horse."

"Lovely imagery." Roman gritted out.

"Lovely avoidance." Remus retorted sarcastically. "Aren't you best friends with Morality and Logic now? Why aren't they here sucking your d-"

"If you don't go back to your own room I'll run you through with my sword." Roman warned with an air of finality.

Remus snorted.

It was hard to be intimidated by the same side who had once cried when he had accidentally smashed an imaginary caterpillar cocoon with his morning star. In his defense he had forgotten to make the handle weighted when he first made it, so he was still getting used to the uneven distribution of the weapon...not like that stopped Roman from getting upset with him. Supposedly he had spent the last week trying to raise butterflies and wanted to show them off to Logic after they had learned about chrysalis in class, but Remus found that somewhat laughable considering he could just create a fully-formed butterfly if he wanted to. So he did laugh, calling him dumb for getting upset over nothing, and through tears Roman pushed him to the ground and told him he hated him for the first time. (After that, he may have spent the next week killing any butterflies that crossed his path, but that was neither here nor there. The point of this tangent provided a lá Remus Sander's brain was was that Roman could be a big baby and therefore he couldn't take anything he said too seriously.)

"Sounds like a good time! Save that idea for later though, because if you don't tell me I'll summon them over here to ask them myself."

"Don't. They don't know about this, alright? For once in your life can you just let it go?"

Huh. Remus tilted his head. It had been years since they first found out about the fun little quirk Roman had, and he just...never told? He figured at the very least it would be a good way to milk even more attention from the others; something Creativity had been seeking more often after Fear turned into Anxiety during middle school and gained a much larger role in Thomas' life. "Why?"

Roman huffed in frustration. "They don't need to. I can handle it myself."

"...Wow! Careful not to summon Lies, because you're full of shit and you know it." Remus fired back. He didn't even know why he was getting so mad. Minutes ago he was cursing his brother's guts for how their relationship had soured, and now all of a sudden it was if all of that dislike had faded into the background for something else. Concern? He hadn't felt concern for anything in years. Roman always made it seem like he could take care of himself, so that's what Remus had believed at first too, though perhaps stumbling across this situation was evidence of the opposite. Reasonable self-care didn't exactly look like 'patching yourself up at 4 in the morning'. At least, that sounded like something Lies would say which probably meant it was accurate.

"Ugh- Shut up. I've been doing just fine so far, without you or them, so you can take your fake pity and shove it up your you-know-where."

Remus didn't rise to the opportunity to poke fun at that statement, his mind going blank (and what a strange and unusual feeling that was). The idea that anything could have been hidden from him seemed unthinkable given how they used to tell each other everything. He hadn't even considered that that habit had become one-sided, given how it had never stopped being true for him. "...Roman, what does that mean? Has this been happening a lot?"

"..."

"Why did you never tell me?! This isn't something you can just keep a secret! If you won't say anything I will-

Remus' mouth snapped shut as Roman ejected him from his room. He landed back on his own bed and when he scrambled onto his feet to tried to rise up again, he found that his efforts were blocked. Roman had kicked him out and locked the door behind him. He never did that, no matter how much they fought or annoyed each other. It was the one thing they did that showed they still cared.

Remus trembled with adrenaline and shock. Taking his pillow, he summoned a knife and stabbed it and stabbed it and stabbed it until all of his pent up feelings were gone and there all that was left was the fluff covering his floor.

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III - interlude.

As it turns out, he'd never get the opportunity to tell, because shortly after that, the newly appointed 'dark sides' were pushed away into their own corner of the mindscape after an explosive argument between the sides (during which Remus tried to ignore how closely Roman stood at Morality's side, sword brandished towards him. He didn't want to think his twin had a hand in their separation, even though it made so much sense).

When he argued about going back with Lies, now Deceit after being appointed the new leader of the unwanted and unloved, he was told through clenched teeth and pained eyes that he shouldn't. Not until Thomas was ready for him. For all of them.

------------------

IV - to the death of me, i'm just fulfillin' my destiny.

After that, Roman adjusted, and did so alone. Teenage years came with many challenges, ones he didn’t always escape unscathed. Despite the occasional rejection here, an unfortunate setback there, he felt as if he had grown a thicker skin for the trials they faced. Into adulthood he wore his ego like a suit of armor; Thomas was outgoing and likable, so of course it became easier to brush aside random negative experiences as minor blips, things that didn’t represent their worth.

This was challenged somewhat as he began pursuing creative outlets more seriously. This meant more work for Roman in general (Woo! Suck it Logan), but it also came with more opportunities to feel ashamed of a messed-up performance, embarrassed by a note sung wrong, hurt by an ill-intentioned piece of feedback.

So he tried to compensate at times. Sue him. Between the nights he spent nursing his wounds and wondering how to do better next time, perhaps he deserved to be a little self-congratulatory about the shining achievements he won for them. There was a certain safety in placing himself up on that pedestal, so high above that it felt like nobody could ever reach him; that he was above it all. But the reality was that this pedestal, gold-plated as it may be, was founded on an interior of paper mache, one wrong move from away from collapsing and sending him tumbling back down to earth.

It was a good thing that pretending came naturally to Roman. So natural that the fear of falling sometimes didn’t register with him at all.

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V - the calamitous corollary of being considered.

Except, it may have been too much to expect nobody to ever realize there was something up with him. The fact that the sides had to work closely together alone meant that the excuse of being busy after every troubling experience could only work for so long.

The first one to find out was Patton, because of course it was. Sometimes Roman felt as if Patton wasn’t given enough credit for his intelligence. Even though he could be a tad slow on the uptake on other things, his ability to detect the slightest change in mood and discern how people were feeling could be uncanny at times. Emotions just happened to be Patton's strong suit, and while that was very much appreciated when it came to sharing excitement or talking through a heated problem, it was not so grand when you were trying to get away with hiding something.

The first time he let something slip was a few days after Thomas had been flat-out rejected when asking someone out on a date. It wasn't that big of a blow, considering they had barely known the guy for more than a month, but Roman had been insistent that they throw caution into the wind and give it a shot, sure that he had been receiving signals that proved that this guy felt a similar interest. Turns out, he didn't, and was very-much straight. At least the rejection had been somewhat carried out gently and he didn't seem too put-off about staying friends afterwards. Nonetheless the wound was still fresh, and Thomas kept internally cringing whenever he thought about it, which didn't help matters. Whatever. Roman dealt with the bruises that arose from the incident and dabbed a little foundation on the ones he couldn't hide with clothing. They'd get over it in a matter of weeks.

It was after the awkward feelings had finally begun to settle when it happened. Roman and Patton had been in the kitchen preparing dinner when Thomas received a message on his phone, and when he went to check it, he face-planted on the couch in mortification.

'Hey man, I just remembered that my cousin is coming to town this weekend. He's gay too so I thought you two could go on a blind date if you're still looking. :) Lmk your thoughts.'

Patton frowned upon sensing the sudden wave of embarrassment, pausing to check what had happened. "Well...That's thoughtful of him!" He chuckled, tone trying and failing to be positive. Roman couldn't share the same sentiment.

"Thoughtless is more like it! He wants to set us up with the first gay person he knows? Who's not even in the city?  Does he think Thomas has no standards at all?! How dare-" Roman's indignant protests cut off as he felt the skin around his collar grow tender and swell slightly. He let out a slight whimper when he pressed his fingers into the bruise to double check its location. Why now and in such a visible place?! He's going to get Thomas to drop that guy if it's the last thing he does-

"Ro! Are you okay?"

Right. Patton was still here. Don't panic.

"Y-yeah! I just remembered an injury I sustained earlier. But not to worry, 'tis but a flesh wound!" He joked.

"A flesh wound?!" Patton cried, reference flying over his head. "Let me see."

Gently, Patton moved his head upwards to get a better look at the bruise. It mustn't look good, because Patton, squeamish as he was, grimaced on sight.

"How on earth did that happen? I don't remember that being there just now."

"Uh." Come on Creative skills, work your magic. "A stray whomping willow in The Imagination? You know how they can be. I suppose it merely took a while to develop, bruises can be funny like that."

Luckily it seemed to work, because Patton sighed. "I thought you got rid of them all after that time one almost threw Logan into a lake. Did Remus make more?"

Heh. Good times. That was a slight lie on his behalf when he had told the others he had gotten rid of the trees; he had kept a few of them around because they were once a gift from Remus to quote 'spice up his boring forests'. Not for any sentimental reasons, of course, but because he thought it was funny and it kept him on his toes. "I guess."

Patton made a small 'tsk' noise, mouth still drawn in a frown but he didn't comment further. "Come on, I'll help you treat that. Does it hurt?"

"Of course not." He smiled. "Do you really think I could be bested by a mere tree?"

"Never! I do wish you were more careful when you go on your little adventures, though. It makes me awfully sad to think about you in 'pine'."

Roman knew it had been a flimsy excuse and even though Patton seemed to accept it, there was a hesitation in his eye which spoke of hidden disbelief. After some first aid and many more tree-related puns later, they went back to cooking, finishing up 30 minutes later. When Logan came down to dinner, immediately questioning the bandages around Roman's neck, he repeated the fake story, distracting him with a request not to go into The Imagination with the whomping willow around and packaging the thinly-veiled jab at the way Logan had once freaked out when he was swung around by the semi-sentient tree as a warning. Logan's concern quickly faded and he shot back a sharp retaliation that Roman didn't care to remember. He just laughed, feeling as light as a kite with the crisis averted.

The next time didn't go over as gracefully.

Thomas had found a different partner eventually, one that wasn't some friend's cousin. They dated for months, and just when he had been thinking about inviting his boyfriend to move in so he could be closer to his workplace, he'd been broken up with. On Valentines Day of all days. There was no better way of putting it; they had planned to go out to dinner, managing to book a table at a fairly classy restaurant, exchanged gifts, and near the end of the night his boyfriend had leaned across the table with a sad smile, thanking him for the evening before admitting he didn't see them working out anymore. He said it quietly, as to not cause a scene among the other diners, but that didn't stop Thomas from immediately bursting into tears. The scene had caused his (now ex) boyfriend to leave early after paying his half of the bill. At least the waitress had taken pity on him and brought over more complimentary bread rolls (which he took because he was not a complete fool, heartbroken as he may be), though even that didn't stop the confusion and embarrassment of it all.

As expected, the whole incident caused nothing but chaos; the right-brain sides were devastated, Anxiety was in a state of panic, and Logic had been metaphorically thrown out the window. As Thomas made his way home, they were at a complete loss for what to do. They had started the day, hoping to take a step forward in their relationship, and ended up with nothing at all. What worse is that they didn't even have a clear idea why (admittedly, that could have been due to, as mentioned before, the inconsolable crying).

It seemed like the most sensible thing to do at the moment was to throw the Valentines gifts away and gorge on the ice-cream that had been sitting in the back of the freezer for who-knows how long while watching a comfort show and trying to forget the whole evening. So that's what they did. As Logan tried to sort through what happened and rationalize what to do next, Patton wallowed in his misery as he dealt with the giant mix of feelings Thomas was going through.

After a few hours working through the brunt of it, enough to where his mind began wandering elsewhere, Patton realized with a start that he hadn't seen Roman since the start of the evening. He must have been so devastated too! Patton recalled how excited he was about the day ahead of them, how he spun fantasies of Thomas' boyfriend accepting the proposal to move in and then the future proposals that could come after that-

Patton mournfully sobbed. He needed to stop thinking about this, or else Thomas could start spiraling again. The best thing to do right now was distract himself, and to do that he should go check on Roman. Perhaps they could talk and have a mutual catharsis over the whole thing. Or better yet, he could put his energy towards someone else and he won't have to fall back into the thoughts that had been clouding his mind ever since they had left that stupid restaurant.

Splashing some water on his face to clear up some of the blotchy-ness, he left his room and crossed the hallway towards Roman's. He couldn't hear any noise coming from inside, so he tentatively knocked. "Kiddo?"

For a few moments there was silence, and Patton almost turned away, assuming that Roman might be blowing off some steam in The Imagination, until a voice cleared inside the room and answered. "Pat? What do you want?"

Patton was taken aback for a second, not expecting such a straight-forward answer. It almost sounded like Roman wasn't upset at all, but Patton sincerely doubted that to be true. His tone was almost too normal, and for anybody else he wouldn't have questioned it, but the lack of dramatics or flowery language was always a clear red flag for the Creative side. "I wanted to check on you since um- You-Know-Who took 'dine and dash' a tad too seriously." He chuckled humorlessly. "...Can I come in?"

There was some shuffling and muffled curses. "Why? I'm fine. Worry about yourself."

"'Why?'" He repeated, eyeing the door warily. "I'm concerned! I haven't seen you in hours and I- I know you must be upset about this too. Can we please talk?"

"I'm not exactly my most princely presentable self right now. Anyway, it's late. Surely this can wait until tomorrow?"

Patton looked down at himself. Instead of his usual garb, he had thrown on some more comfortable clothes hours ago, and they were currently crumpled from laying in bed, sobbing his eyes out. "I'm hardly my best-self either right now, Kiddo-" Before he could go on a spiel about how it was best to not bottle up emotions when they're fresh (and ignoring the hypocrisy of that sentiment), he heard a thump on the other side of the door followed by a quiet hiss of pain. Patton began to panic, and his hand flew to the handle. "I'm coming in!"

Before the other side could even consider protesting, Patton flung the fortunately unlocked door open and stepped into the room, gasping at the sight he was met with. Roman was on the floor, wincing as he clutched his leg. Although he was still dressed in his usual outfit, there were enough injuries on his visible skin that Patton could only wonder how far they went. He covered his mouth and stared in horror as Roman turned to look at him nervously.

"What- How did this happen?!"

Roman licked his dry lips, eyes darting away as he searched for an excuse. "I- The Imagination- This is from earlier-"

"You told me this morning you were going to spend the day helping Thomas write a love letter." Patton said, voice strained with panic and disbelief. "Tell me the truth, please."

Shoot, he had announced his plans earlier that day, hadn't he? He internally cursed his inability to keep his mouth shut, before lowering his head in defeat. "Can you keep a secret, Pat?"

Said side shifted uncomfortably, but his tone was resolute when he nodded. "If it means you'll let me help with whatever this is."

"Okay..." Roman inhaled. "Okay."

And then he explained. Or rather, gave a shortened version of the truth which was less likely to give Patton a complete heart-attack: that bruised egos were something he experienced, but it was never this bad (true) or all that common (also true), and that they weren't something to worry about because he could usually take care of them himself (technically true). By the time he had finished, Patton still looked concerned, but had become less frantic with the information.

"You'll let me help in the future if you need it, right?" He asked, so close to shedding tears that Roman had trouble keeping eye-contact without becoming choked up with guilt.

"If I need it." He agreed.

Finally, Patton smiled, and went to fetch the first-aid kit hastily. As he helped patch him up for the second time that year, the look in Patton's eyes was so pained that Roman vowed to let him see this side of him as little as possible.

For a while, he kept true to this promise to himself, and on the occasions when Patton would drop by to check if everything was alright, if Roman had encountered any bruised egos since, he relished in the relief on his face whenever he would lie and said he hadn't. Distantly he wondered sometimes if this was how heroes were supposed to feel; protecting people by letting them live in blissful ignorance and bearing the burden of the ugly truth alone.

(It was thoughts like that that kept him going.)

------------------

VI - high highs and low lows.

And then came the videos. Youtube had been an excellent ego-boost for Roman. Similar to how life-changing Vine was, the instant gratification of likes and feedback and people liking what they made was enough to send him over the moon, and oftentimes it was able to ward away the downsides that came with it too; the stress of staying relevant, the occasional hate comment, the portion of dislikes that didn't explain what about the video was dislike-worthy-

Overall it seemed like a great idea, especially when the sides became involved. It gave them all the chance to gain their own spotlights, which most of them appreciated. Sometimes this wasn't always so good though. With the videos came more introspection than usual, which meant deeply examining each problem to try to find some kind of moral. And right now, Roman didn't want to do any sort of thinking exercise about how badly he messed up. At this point in their career, a simple audition should have been a cake walk, instead it was an ache walk...Okay, admittedly he wasn't on his best game right now. The point was, he had potentially thrown the whole audition by forgetting something so simple as the lyrics, and now the casting director would definitely only remember Thomas by the way he froze under pressure, which wasn't exactly an appealing trait in somebody looking to go up on stage where the pressure was set to 100.

After everything was said and done, Roman had no choice but to approach Patton for help. In his current state, he was much too dizzy on his feet to even contemplate showing up and trying to play it off cool, which would've been an laughable endeavor anyhow considering how outwardly embarrassed Thomas was. Betrayal from his own-- well. It was a bit too harsh to blame his current predicament on Thomas, after all the fact of the matter was that it was Roman’s fault for not being better prepared.

Anyway, that's how he ended up in his current position, being swaddled in a too-warm bed, injuries patched up and having soup spoon-fed into his mouth. The whole thing felt...strange. Usually during times like this he would be grinning and bearing it, the inner satisfaction he got from fooling everyone with his performance pushing him through the day, but he supposed this was unavoidable. It was better that only one side had to see part of the problem rather than exposing it to everyone, and out of all of them, at least it was Patton. It still didn't sit well that his secret was now out in the open, a throwaway joke to be used before moving along, but hopefully that would play to his favor and they'd view it as his usual dramatics. Not like he preferred to be seen as too incompetent to care for himself, even if it fit with his persona. He supposed it just went without saying that princes are supposed to have someone at their every beck and call, they're supposed to be indulgent and spoiled and ridiculous. But princes were also supposed to be leaders, someone who was caring and brave and ready to face any challenge.

Roman sighed, a wave of self-loathing washing over him. He didn't feel very princely at all right now.

“Kiddo, are you doing okay? Does something hurt? Is the soup too hot?” Patton asked, eyebrows drawing together in concern. He was such an open book when it came to the other sides, which meant that Roman knew exactly when he had worried or panicked the fatherly figure. Honestly, it only made him feel worse. Being doted over seemed like a good idea until it meant being the subject of pity and other people’s hurt.

“No no, I’m fine Padre. It’s fine. I was just taking a trip into thought city for a second there.” He cracked a smile, trying to ignore how the bruise at the corner of his mouth pulled at the motion. If only he could think of a more original nickname, perhaps that would be more convincing. He was simply drawing blanks today it seemed. “What do you think the others are up to right now? I’d bet 5 bucks Logan is losing his mind having to deal with Anxiety alone.”

Patton didn’t look entirely convinced, but the sudden change of subject encouraged him to stop any further questioning.

In the end they talked until the others had finished filming. Whatever happened during the discussion must have helped Thomas grow past his feelings, because one-by-one the injuries on Roman's body grew smaller until they had faded entirely. Seeing this, Patton noticeably livened up again, and he cheerily declared that he would take the empty bowl back to the kitchen and check in with the others.

As soon as he was gone, Roman’s face dropped, tired from all the smiling he had been doing, and he slid down further into the sheets. Perhaps he should consider himself fortunate that the others had helped out, but all he could think about was how they now knew about his biggest weakness and how embarrassing that was. Logan and Anxiety were the last two sides he wanted finding out about this, if not for their often-tumultuous relationships, but because they'd never fully understand. Neither of them were as dependent on validation as much as he was. Despite what others thought about them, they would just keep on going, meanwhile Roman couldn't truly thrive without some kind of feedback; he was too shackled to expectations and the need to please for that sort of self-indulgence, it was practically written in his existence. It simply wasn't enough for him to be great, he needed to be great and be appreciated. Without that, he felt as if he would burn out, like a candle who's supply of oxygen had been cut off, leaving only smoke and the charred wick behind as a reminder of the fire that was once there. And sometimes that made him feel pathetic, that so much of his esteem depended on what people thought of him. Other times it just made him envy the others who had no one to please but Thomas himself and what he deemed important.

...He was tired, but he needed to keep going. The least he could do was keep up the image of egotism so that those horrid thoughts of being lesser weren't picked up by the others. If they started thinking of him the way he thought about himself (if they didn't already), he wouldn't know what he'd do. He wouldn't stand to be pitied or mocked or anything that validated what he already knew about himself. He just wouldn't.

Rolling out of bed, he practiced his smile in the mirror, fixed his clothes, and sunk out to make his grand appearance.

He couldn’t let this happen again at all costs.

------------------

VII - an agreeable sort of self-destruction.

More and more often, Roman was glad that he and Remus didn't share a room anymore. From the nights he hunched over scraps of ideas and worked without distraction until the sun was on the horizon, to the days he woke up with tears clinging to his lashes and breath coming out in labored pants, until he realizes the dream about him messing up so badly that he's split apart a second time was merely a cruel trick of his mind.

Currently, there was no greater time to be grateful for their separation than the moment he hastily returned back to safety after Remus' debut to Thomas. If only his brother could see the way he paced back and forth and tugged at his hair, he was sure his other half would merely gloat and poke away at his wounds instead of doing anything to help. Or worse, use it as ammunition in front of the other sides as some sort of proof of his imperfection.

Speaking of, the video was disastrous. He had been out-cold the entire time so he had no idea what was said and had no way of directing the conversation at all, which was possibly the most aggravating part of the whole situation. Beyond that, there was so much that Remus could have told the others without his knowledge. Once upon a time, the two of them were two peas in a pod, and that meant they knew an unnameable amount of secrets about each other. (Like how Remus always used to sleep with this crudely-knitted octopus Roman had made for him when he discovered crochet. Remus claimed to have set fire to it when they were teenagers, but Roman had seen it tucked away on a shelf the last time he had been in his room, before the Great Divide). The room swam a little when Roman thought about it too much. Perhaps he was being paranoid, but it wasn't as if he'd done much to earn Remus' loyalty. Why would he take the higher road and keep all of that to himself now, when he had the prime opportunity right in front of him to make himself seem like the better twin?

Hold on... He was thinking about this all wrong. Remus didn't care about good and bad the same way he did. Sure he was adamant that his version of being creative was more interesting, but he never tried to convince any of the other sides that he was inherently better or more worthy of attention than Roman, at least not to the same extent he did. The realization hit Roman like a train on it's way to a damsel tied to railway tracks (for lack of a less Remus-y simile): had he been wrong to push his brother away when he was just trying to help? All this time he had expected nothing but the worst from him, all because he was loud and unapologetic and had gone about his concern in a way that frightened him. Though just because Roman had been scared, surely that didn't warrant the dark sides being pushed aside in such a manner, and clearly the repression wasn't any benefit to Thomas...And was that partially his fault? He had been the one who encouraged Patton to divide the sides up. He had come up with the name for them: light and dark.

When he really thought about it, there wasn't much 'light' about him, not when he had been the source of so many problems.

Making Virgil feel unwelcome and continuing to trample on his boundaries.

His insults toward Logan and attempts to diminish his importance.

Leading Thomas and Patton astray in his pursuits for romance.

Being too quick to side with Janus when he should’ve known that the deceitful side only stood for selfishness and not the fair-played ambition Thomas valued.

And now: his treatment of Remus for most of their lives. Pushing him away, pretending he didn't exist, trying to erase their memories together.

How could he have the gall to claim that he saw Remus as an awful reflection of everything he didn’t want to be, when the whole point of looking into a mirror means facing you and you alone?

Even his metaphors were hypocritical.

It was a shock that nobody saw through that statement or called him out on how he had wronged just about everybody. How truly unfortunate it was that he had been declared the hero when he had done very little to live up to that title. Heroes weren't mean. They didn't make people feel bad about themselves for merely existing. They're supposed to defeat the bad guys, yes, but every time he had thought he was accomplishing that, it turned out that he was always off the mark. At least this time he had it right with Deceit, but still, that didn't erase the history he had with misjudging what was acceptable. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of reflection that must have on Thomas' content. If his creativity, which was supposed to be a force of pure good, had made a countless number of errors, what did that say about the things they were proud of? How many things had they put into the world that were imperfect? That had a misleading message? That was problematic and hurt people?

The realization had his throat tightening in panic. How could he ever have confidence in his work when he had such a flawed system of right and wrong? How-

...Wait.

Roman's spiraling thoughts were fortunately put on pause as he passed by his vanity, being pulled back to reality in an instant and finally noticing the splash of colours that had made themselves welcome on his skin once more. He gaped at his own reflection. It wasn’t as if he was unused to the sight per say, but he hadn’t realized anything had happened today that would affect Thomas’ ego. Remus’ appearance perhaps? He had the feeling that if there was any discussion to be had in light of that it would be on the goodness of his character, which could be a worthy-enough explanation. But if anything wouldn’t that what the large gash on the back of his head (fittingly) represented? So where had the others come from? Unless…

Was it him?  

His own self-criticism had never left a dent on his pride before. Usually his injuries tended to be the result of outside sources; the kind of things that come out of nowhere and hit at you harder than you could ever expect. Did this mean that his own words were on par with Thomas’ harshest critics?

Roman shakily sat down. This... was a good thing, right? Perhaps he was finally gaining some self-awareness. He had been trying to make amends for where he had fallen short in the past, so this could be the sign he was making progress.

Yes. This was good. And if it wasn't, then perhaps this was just apart of his repentance. At this point he was sure everyone would agree.

------------------

VIII - the art of learning to let go.

The thing about tightropes is quite interesting. Like most other skills, it is something that needs to be honed. At first you try on a smaller scale and fall off more times you can count, but it's alright because that's why you practice in a safe environment. And then you progress to something more risky, and this time you have other tools to help keep you steady. Before you know it, you're up doing the actual thing; a rope suspended tens of feet in the air and thousands of eyes watching your every move, each one wondering if you really will make it across, or if they're about to watch a great tragedy take place before them. When you misjudge your own abilities and are thrust upon that rope when you're unprepared, however, all of the practice you gained can feel as if it has slipped away. As soon as you take your first step, the rope wobbles and you know somewhere deep down that your fall will be inevitable. But with so many expectant eyes baring into you, what else are you to do but continue forward? Continue until you're halfway across and your balance is so shaky that all you can do is watch as the rope swings backwards and forwards beneath your feet until you give up on trying to steady yourself entirely and-

Roman let go of the rope he had been clinging onto.

There was no grace in the way that he fell. It wasn't even a matter of choosing a side; ego or change. At first he fell so gradually that he didn't feel it at all, placing all of his thoughts and opinions into a neat little box and shoving them aside. Trying so hard to adapt, trying to be feel comfortable clinging to reasoning that contradicted his role, his meaning, his existence- and before he knew it, he was plummeting towards the ground because even then, that little piece of purpose he was forcing himself to mold his worth around did nothing but feed into the self-righteousness that must've always been there, hiding away under the surface.

Roman could only describe the feeling as air-sickness when he sunk out, his very being thrown into weightless uncertainty. Once he appeared back at his safe place, the place he wanted to be most, he felt his body connect with the ground once more as he collapsed onto the floor, body shaking with sobs and wounds he already knew were appearing.

He had been so stupid. Every step he took was littered with mistakes. Just when he thought he had learned, to try to be more accepting, to know when to give up, to listen to others instead of forging his own path, another thing came along and knocked him back to where he started and he was thrown back into the cycle of trying to atone for his actions. A cycle that never seemed to end.

His arm fractured and started to swell.

For once he thought he finally had it figured out. If he just followed the person who should've known what was best for Thomas, even if it meant going back on his own desires, surely then he would be on the right side for once. But all of a sudden that was wrong and now it was all his fault that so many bad outcomes had come about as a consequence of his lack of assertion. He may not have loaded the gun, but he had pulled the trigger, and that made him more culpable than anyone else.

His nose ached as if hit by an unseen force and began dripping blood.

Even his attempts at keeping his ego in check were all for nothing because the moment he felt threatened he lashed out towards Janus, the side who now all of a sudden deserved a seat at the table because he had gained Patton's favor (nevermind that he had agreed with him first. Oh no, that was just Roman being naive and easy to sway if only you stroke his ego a little. What importance could his opinions possibly have?). But that was the thing, wasn’t it? In the end he just couldn’t win, no matter what he did. When he tried to silence his voice it was too obvious and attention-seeking, and when he chose to project his thoughts it was too loud and abrasive. When he spoke out he was punching down, but when others did the same they were punching up up up. It left him wondering how much more he had to fall before it was no longer deemed okay to kick him while he was down. Was it his fault for choosing to sit atop his golden pedestal, making himself seem forever untouchable and unable to be hurt? And would things be different if he was sensitive like Patton? Complicated like Virgil? Respectable like Logan? Had he been making a mistake all along by pretending to be stronger than he was? But how was he ever supposed to let go of the walls he had built, knowing that the second they crumbled, all the things he had been trying to protect himself from would pass through and destroy everything he had worked so hard for? Maybe it was time to accept that this was all he could be; that there was no way for him to change, no way to soften his edges or stick firm to his beliefs that wouldn’t end with him in a losing position.

His ribs ached, bending unnaturally until he felt a snap in his chest.

Perhaps Janus was right by calling him evil. He had proven it time and time again that he was no good for Thomas. In fact, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that he was worse than Remus. At least he couldn't help the way he was, didn't have control over the problems he caused unlike Roman. He was supposed to be the half with all the bad parts removed. The 2.0 version, new and improved. He had no excuse for being as flawed as he was, not really. All this time spent thinking he was the good twin, and it was nothing more than an act of self-delusion. The grandeur of a side with nothing to show for it beyond his words.

His eyelid puffed up and mottled with colour.

...He was bad. Unneeded. Evil.

The capillaries across his knuckles burst and stained them a violent red.

Everything would be so much better if he just-

"Broman?" Oh shit.

Romans eyes flew open. And he realized belatedly that he wasn't looking at his floor; his floor had intricate Persian rugs and a soft fluffy carpet. This one had various stains and burns and felt scratchy against his fingers.

"What the fuck. Princey? You good?"

1) He wasn't in his room. 2) Wherever he was, Remus and Virgil were here too.

"M-my mistake! I must have accidentally sunk out to the wrong place. If you'll excuse me-" He tried, but his voice was hoarse and clearly not okay. Of all times for his acting skills to have failed him.

"Oh no you don't."

Before he could sink out through the floor, two arms latched under his armpits and hoisted him upright. He choked back a gasp at the sudden movement, senses flashing white as his injuries were jostled. He barely heard the shocked exclamation in front of him before the two voices discussed something hastily and he was deposited onto a soft surface. The ringing in his ears faded, just in time to hear Virgil speak.

"What happened? " He asked, voice layered with anxiety and sounding on the verge of a panic attack. Roman would have tried to reassure him if he didn't feel like his entire body was on fire.

"It just happens sometimes, when Thomas’ ego gets bruised." Remus answered bitterly when it became clear his brother wasn't in a position to explain. He then muttered under his breath: "Though this time is different, huh?"

"What? I thought- I didn’t know it got this bad.” Virgil whispers, horrified.

"Sorry you have to see this, Finding Emo." Roman croaked once he began slowly coming back to his senses. He would regret not being more composed later, but right now he couldn't really bring himself to care about anything. “I’ll be as good as Gucci soon.”

"No. Shut the fuck up, you don't get to say that." Remus said angrily. Why did he sound so mad? Roman tried to crack open his eyes to check, but the world was still spinning too much for him to really recognize what was he was seeing. On top of that it seemed one of his eyes was swollen shut. Joy. That'll make it more difficult to patch himself up later.

"'Told you before, I can handle myself." He finally managed.

"Yeah? Was that you 'handling yourself' when you dropped in and started bleeding all over my floor? Or when you stopped talking to me and kicked us 'dark sides' to the curb because your sense of superiority was more important? Or when you started acting like a royal prick to everyone just so they wouldn't know you spend your nights licking your wounds?"

"Stop." Roman pleaded, shamefully curling into himself as much as his body allowed in its current state. Remus paused in his tirade before continuing, more quietly.

"If you're uncomfortable just from that, you should try watching your brother slowly self-destruct for years and not being able to do anything about it. That's fucking uncomfortable." Roman heard a sniffle, and his body went cold. He hadn't heard Remus get upset since they were kids. Sometimes he forgot that there was more to his brother than his disgusting unpredictable persona, and the thought that he could've been hurting Remus all this time was something that had never even crossed his mind.

"I'm..." Sorry? Was he sorry? Apologizing was practically second nature at this point, but he couldn't even tell if the words would be genuine if he said them. Was he sorry for his actions or for hurting Remus, or was it the fact that he had been caught at all? If he had it his way, none of this would be happening, so perhaps he wasn't as apologetic as he thought. He really was the worst, wasn't he?

Remus seemed to pick up on what he was thinking about saying, because he laughed; not in his usual cartoon-ish way, but resigned and hurt. The sound pulled at Roman's heart. "Save it. Here's what's going to happen you Walmart Prince Eric knockoff. You’re going to accept our help whether you like it or not, and if you try to pull any self-sacrificing BS at any point, I’m going to eat your entire makeup collection.”

“...You wouldn’t. You don’t like the way glitter sticks to your teeth.” Roman argued weakly, just for the sake of being contrary.

“Try me.”

Roman sighed. He really didn’t doubt that Remus would be petty enough to go through with his threats, especially since he knew it how much it would bother Roman to summon a new set. In any case, he wasn’t in a position to do much of anything at the moment, and now that it was too late to pretend like this never happened, he figured he might as well roll with it. Future him could deal with the consequences later.

“Okay.” He said after a moments pause, looking to the Virgil-shaped figure, as much as the crick in his neck would allow. “...Just don’t tell Patton about this. Not yet.”

The figure shuffled, out of what was probably awkwardness after having watching the twins argue. “No worries dude. We’re not exactly on- uh. Y’know what, nevermind, I’ll just go get the medical kit.”

During the moments that Virgil had shuffled off, there was an empty silence. Roman spent it trying to blink his uninjured eye back into focus, until he was finally able to spot Remus standing across from him, an uncharacteristically glum look on his face. "You look like you're going to a funeral."

"Don't even joke about that. I don't need more thoughts about-"

"Death? I thought that was pretty par for the course."

Remus smiled wryly at him, sarcastic and mocking. "You dying, dummy. D'you think I never imagined it? Something happening and you disappearing because you never let anyone help you- and me not even knowing it happened? Finding out much too late? Being alone?"

Roman didn't know what to say to that. "Sorry." He blurted out, and this time he felt like he meant it. "If it means anything in retrospect, I wouldn't have ever let it go that far. I think."

"'You think.'" Remus repeated. "God, you need some self-care. It's a shame you and Jan-jan weren't friends before. It's supposed to be his job to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen, you know."

Roman felt himself flinch at the mention of Janus' name before he could control it. If Remus noticed, he didn't get the chance to comment on it, because at that moment Virgil came bustling back with a first aid kit.

"I didn't know what else you needed, so I got some water, balms, bandages, frozen peas, and creams. Just in case." He spoke, noticeably out of breath.

"Water?" Roman asked as a glass was held towards him. He pushed himself upright with some effort and accepted it.

"For painkillers." Virgil replied, handing him some pills once he had set the other items down. "Also your throat sounded kinda rough, and when you cry a lot you can get dehydrated, so..."

Surreptitiously, Roman wiped at his face and tried to not feel too embarrassed that the two of them had heard him wail like a toddler who'd had their favourite toy taken away. Before he knew it, he had taken the pills and downed half of the glass while the other two sides unpacked the medical supplies. Virgil really had thought of everything he might have needed.

Roman blinked as he watched them, stunned that he would go to so much effort. "This is very thoughtful of you, Medic Parade."

Virgil paused as he pieced together the nickname, and then scowled. "Mayday doesn't even sound anything like medic- and it's not. I just didn't want to- y'know- get the wrong things and make it worse."

Remus elbowed Virgil in the side, perhaps in an attempt to cheer him up. "Hey, you can't do any worse than what we did the first time Ro got a booboo."

"...And what was that?" Virgil's hesitant tone indicated he wasn't sure if he want to know.

"Nothing!" Remus grinned.

"I'm pretty sure that was just a concussion." Roman stated before Virgil got the wrong idea and thought they were totally stupid, looking upward as he tried to recall the incident Remus was talking about. It felt like forever ago now. "Not like anything could be done, to be fair."

"'Just'-" Virgil made a strange choked sound. "Is this what my life's gonna be now? Having a worry-induced heart attack every 5 minutes?"

"Welcome to the club!" Remus cheered, offering a fist bump which Virgil ignored in favour of burying his head in his hands.

"Goddammit. Alright- let's get this show on the road I guess. Roman, take your shirt off." When Remus' eyebrows started waggling, clearly about to make an inappropriate comment, Virgil waved his hands wildly to stop him. "So we can look at the damage! Shut your mouth Remus!"

"I didn't say anything." He intoned, looking overly smug before turning to Roman expectantly.

Said man frowned, placing the glass of water on the bedside table next to him. Before he made any move, he glanced at Virgil who was looking red either out of Remus-induced embarrassment or frustration. Mood. "You don't have to stick around for this part if you don't want to. It can be a bit much, so I wouldn't blame you."

"I'm not a baby, Roman." Virgil retorted, crossing his arms. "Making sure you don't die or something is way more important than my comfort. I can't promise you'll be safe from me calling you an idiot until you're better, though."

Roman looked away again. Was that condescending of him to ask? He opened his mouth to apologize, before closing it in resignation. No need to make this into an issue; he'll ask Virgil whether he felt belittled later. "...Okay. That's fair."

Instead of going through the pain of trying to remove a shirt with a possibly broken rib, he snapped and it disappeared. He heard a sharp inhale, but in response to what, he didn't know. Roman looked downwards to check. Among the remnants of previous attempts at self-healing (some messier than others), the area around his right rib was inflamed and a large portion of his stomach was splotched with purple. Noticeably, his left arm was also burning red, but luckily it seemed like the fracture there was non-displaced, which hopefully meant it would heal quicker. Other than that, there weren't any major injuries besides his black eye and bloody nose that needed attention. Could be worse, considering how god-awful he felt! 

Remus whistled. "You look like someone took a dalmatian and made it the colours of the bi-flag."

"Yeah. That's- weirdly accurate." Virgil winced. "What hurts most?"

"Uh- My arm and my ribs I suppose. They're a little... on the broken side."

"That's what I thought." Virgil muttered under his breath, grabbing the items to make a split. "I'll deal with those first, Remus you help with his nose and the bruising. And if you want to make yourself useful, hold these peas to your eye, dumbass."

"Your bedside manners are impeccable." Roman said sarcastically, taking the bag of peas and exhaling as he adjusted to the cold feeling pressed against his face. "...Here I thought there would be a grace period before you started calling me names."

"Just calling it like I see it." Virgil hummed. With deft fingers, he held the splint under Roman's forearm and began winding the bandages around it. "You should probably make an actual brace later when you're up to it, but hopefully this should keep it in place and remind you to not use it for now."

"But that sides my dominant arm-" Roman whined, about to complain about how he was supposed to get work done until Remus pinched the bridge of his nose none too gently, and he yelped. "Ow! Remus."

"Think of that as payback for the last 15 years." Remus replied lightly. "Tilt your head back."

Begrudgingly, Roman complied, resting his head against the headboard.  He stared at the ceiling as his brother and best friend silently worked their way around his injuries, applying topical ointment to his bruises and applying band-aids to small cuts. He didn't even realize they had finished until Remus bonked him on the head.

"All done! Shame it's not Halloween. You could go as a mummy again."

"Ha ha. What a comedian you are." Roman replied in a deadpan, but fought to keep a smile away anyway. The irony of how much he resembled that costume right now definitely wasn't lost on him.

"...I'm sorry for ruining that, by the way." Virgil spoke up suddenly from where he had been packing everything away, breaking the thoughtful silence he'd been in for the past few minutes. "Your costume during the Christmas video, I mean. And saying all of that harsh stuff to make a point."

Roman only stared, taken aback. "All of that happened half a year ago. I'm not upset about that."

"I know, I know. It's just... I've been thinking about it recently, all the times I haven't acted very...good." He bit his lip, averting his eyes. "Especially now, knowing that kind of thing literally hurts you."

"Virgil." Roman sighed softly, taking his hand. Virgil startled but didn't pull away. "You don't need to be 'good' all the time. Wasn't that the point you were trying to get across back then? All of us have made mistakes in our pasts, some more than others, but if you can forgive us for that, then you deserve the same acceptance for your less-than-stellar moments."

"Oh." He said, eyes glassy. His hand tightened around Roman's. "I'm still sorry, if I've ever made things worse for you or if I haven't been supportive enough."

"I- You have-"  Roman spluttered worriedly, sitting up.

"It's alright, I already know that we kinda work against each other at times. Part of the job." Roman's mouth closed with a grimace. "Still, it's unfair on you. You shouldn't be expected to perfect, especially not with an asshole like me there to tear into your work. So just...know that it's okay to tell us when you're struggling, okay?"

"Right..." Roman bit his cheek. Virgil seemed well-meaning, but showing that sort of weakness was a concept he still found difficult to accept, even if he had given in this time and allowed himself to be completely seen. Virgil noticed his lackluster agreement and patted him with his free hand.

"Hey. In almost any case we'd embrace you."

"...No one hates you."  Roman finished a beat later with a small smile. Virgil's face lit up and moved closer to his side. Upon seeing this, Remus unceremoniously squished himself between the two of them, careful not to bump against Roman too much (although Virgil definitely got the brunt of Remus crawling over him, to his dismay).

"Look at you two, my favourite dorks, bonding over feeling insecure!" He declared, throwing an arm around both of them. "Couldn't be me, but I still love you."

Roman poked Remus' side. "So that wasn't you admitting to being worried earlier?"

"Nope! New phone who dis?"

"You're insufferable." Virgil rolled his eyes fondly. "...I love you guys."

And Roman sighed contently, feeling safe and cared for. Things weren't perfect right now; he still needed time to heal and Remus and Virgil would undoubtedly want him to open up about what happened sooner or later, but for now he was was able to hear that he was loved and believe it to be true, and that was enough.

"I love you both too. Thank you."

[borat123]

NaruHina Analysis

Naruto Manga Part 1

Part 2

Kiba tries to demoralise Naruto emotionally during their fight and Hinata thinks this. We see here how Hinata has watched how everyone treated Naruto for a very long time and has very deep empathy for him. She has an in depth analysis of his character and sees the true person inside and not a monster. No one in their age group feels this much empathy and understanding for him. She admires his strength and determination, she knows he is strong. She knows the effort involved in getting up when you are despaired. She knows that better than anyone and that’s why she admires Naruto, since she before this moment, wasn’t capable of doing the same thing.

Kishimoto shows us just how well Hinata understands Naruto and whos the most empathetic for him. Everyone else is starting to notice and acknowledge him NOW. Hinata has already acknowledged him waaaaay before this. Even with his flaws she still acknowledge the great person she sees inside. This is true love.

Naruto seeks acknowledgement and is willing to do anything to achieve it. But being an abused orphan his view on love is screwed and he thinks just gaining everyones respect and admiration is enough. And how will he achieve this? Well the Hokage has the highest amount of respect, right? If he becomes Hokage then everyone is forced to acknowledge his existance at last. But what he truly wants is for someone to care for him, acknowledge his true self and love him for who he is, he seeks this because he has never felt it and he wants it. To feel wanted and loved is what he desperately seeks the only way he knows how. Hinata is what Naruto wants, Kishimoto knows this, we know this, but Naruto doesn’t know it yet.

Hinata gives Naruto some healing ointment. She wants to help him but her shyness is hard to overcome. With all her strength she manages to overpower it and holds out the healing ointment for him. Kurenai, being a matured adult and Shino’s observation capacity, inmediatly realize the true meaning behind Hinata’s gesture to Naruto. Naruto turns around to look at her immediatly when she said his name but he gets confused by her kind act. He simply cant believe that someone is nice to him.

Naruto doesn’t understand why Hinata would give this to him. Kurenai helps in the awkward situation and encourages him to take it. It’s actually quite sad that Naruto reacts in this way. It shows just how foreign kind gestures towards him are. He accepts her gift, thanks her and calls her a nice girl. When he’s on his way we see him rub his hand on his back, which is a gesture someone usually does when you’re a little embarresed, but pleased. He also has a big smile on his face. He appreciated her gift and i think that it made him start to really like her. Naruto is not one to often tell someone what he really thinks about them, because he’s afraid people will find out about his insecurities (it’s why he has his tough guy bravado) but he calls her nice and he truly ment it. This is one of the first steps of Naruto’s subconscious love for her, her kindness towards him.

Neji begins to demoralize Hinata, even before the fight has started.

Besides Neji’s hatred for her, she still sees him as a brother.

He makes a psychological analysis of Hinata. Her personality, insecurities and worries. Hinata reveals that she wants to change herself.

Look at Naruto’s reaction. He has the face of someone trying to hide his emotions (his eyes makes it seem like he doesn’t care that much) but he actually looks very serious. He knows how it feels like to want to change yourself. He is in a constant battle within himself for the same reason everyday of his life. Neji thinks that destiny cannot be changed. Both his and Hinata’s are already determined. And Hinata’s destiny says that she will always be a failure, no matter how much she tries to improve.

These words deeply affect Naruto, who sees himself reflected in Hinata. (Much like how he saw Haku as being like him, much like he’ll see Gaara as being like him, he sees part of himself in Hinata)

Neji continues to mentally attack Hinata, and we see how Naruto gets more and more angry. He cant bare to witness this situation in which he feels completly identified with Hinata.

He tries to hold in his anger that is turning so intense that some of the kyuubi features start to appear (kyuubi lips). Seeing this girl that was so kind to him (wanted to help him in the written exam and gave him some healing ointment) and that he can now see himself reflected in being treated this badly makes him so angry that he’s literally shaking and his inner demon of hate is even leaking a little. He knows he cant interfere even though he clearly wants to so he has to hold it in....

But he cant hold it in any longer and he finally explodes. He screams very loadly and tells her ”YOU CAN CHANGE, DONT LISTEN TO HIM”. He then shouts at Neji to stop decide things about people (her) and then encourage Hinata to fight back and stand up for herself, just like he would do. Hinata is mesmerised by Naruto’s sudden words of support and mentally gets herself together and thanks him for snapping out of her depressing state. One must ask themselves if Naruto was only focused on Neji, why did he directly address Hinata when he exploded ”YOU CAN”. It was Hinata he paid attention to, he saw her crying and knew she was in a similar situation as him because of Neji’s words. He also tells her to stand up for herself and fight back, he encourages her and supports her, he believes in her and he hasn’t even seen her fight yet. He’s probably the first to even support her at all actually.

When Hinata’s attitude changes we see Naruto cheer for her with much more enthusiasm and intensity.

But when Hinata’s attack fails and she gets hit by the gentle fist instead, we see how Naruto gets very shocked and sad. Naruto is shown being distraught when things seem not to be going well.

Neji tells her to forfeit, but Hinata is determined, she has adopted the same nindo as Naruto. Naruto thinks that if she gives up, it’s as if he does it too and he is admiting to all the people who call them failures they were right. He wants Hinata to prove this isn’t true. Then he sees her do just that while simultaneously using his own words. Every single day he coexist with people who considers him a failure that will never change. So when he sees Hinata adopting the same attitude as him just by his words, hes a goner. This created a huge impact on him. (Look at his face, he’s completly mesmerised by her (a common theme)).

Naruto reveals that he never knew Hinata was this incredible. He went from thinking she was shy and weird, to then being kind and nice and to know being incredible. That shows how huge an impact this was on him. I find it nice that his peers are suddenly so supportive, Lee says he sees the similarities between them and Sakura even tells him that she has always been watching him. If even their peers notice how Hinata looks at Naruto then you know it’s something special. This is when Naruto really started to notice Hinata.

Look closely at the top right picture of Naruto. You can just make out that he’s actually blushing. He probably thinks ”Why would Hinata be watching me?” But he doesn’t feel uncomfortable but rather intrigued as his emotions heightened.

Look at his reaction when she started to cough up blood. Everyone else didn’t react that much but Naruto looks on the verge of panic. His reactions are very similar to when he recognized that Haku was like him. But even more deeply.

That will be all for this part. Next part i’ll continue with the fight. Here is the previous part if you missed it.

Next part: Part 3

Part 1

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 38

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 4.7k

; Warnings: Slight mentions of body insecurity/self-hatred

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Only two more chapters after this one! I apologise if this isn’t good or anything...I wrote it all today as I wanted to make sure I keep hitting one a week for you! This should mean that Flower should officially end in two weeks! 😢 it’s sad to think about but I hope you’ve all enjoyed the journey with me too! Also...once you’ve read the chapter then you might want to look at this link....it’s an important link

; Flower Masterpost

-

The dress shop you’d chosen for today was exactly how you’d imagine a wedding dress shop to look inside. The elegant interior design gave everything an expensive appearance; creams and golds and muted greens tastefully blended throughout the furniture and the walls. While you knew that wedding dresses weren’t cheap anyway, the whole atmosphere of the shop made it all appear so much more costly.

You had no real idea of how you were meant to find a wedding dress, and your first suggestion of just ordering one offline had almost given Chungha and Soyeon a heart attack. Even Hoseok had looked at you a little funny when you’d mentioned it, making you realise quickly that you’d made a bad decision.

Just ordering one from the internet wasn’t a good choice because you likely wouldn’t get the dress you imagined. Plus, Chungha had pointed out that you had no idea whether you’d even like the dress in person or whether it would look good on you.

That had been all you needed to realise that going to a store would be the best option. You were just a little nervous about it, worrying that they might not even have wedding dresses that would fit you or something. Or that you’d look too fat in front of everyone or you’d rip a dress accidentally.

Despite the reassurance your best friends had given you, you were still convinced that you weren’t going to find a dress you liked. Maybe a dress that didn’t look half-bad as long as you didn’t look in a mirror or any photographs in the future. You may have come a long way in terms of self-acceptance, but you still had your moments of doubt and self-hatred.

Formal events were most definitely one of them. The knowledge that your wedding was supposed to be the one time that you would look perfect and be the centre of attention was horrifying for two reasons. One, you were terrified that you’d just end up highlighting the fat on your stomach or your arms and two, you still hated being the centre of attention.

Already you’d been discussing with your therapist about this, pointing out that you were dreading your wedding day instead of being excited. Hoseok was understanding of it as well and was trying to help you overcome the issues and instead get you hyped up for it, but the knowledge that everyone would be focused on you was nauseating.

How did people enjoy it?

Still, you’d searched around for dress shops that looked to be friendly and held the kind of styles that you’d be most interested in before finding the best looking one. You knew there was every chance you might not find a dress you liked here so you also had a list of backup stores to visit at a later date.

For today though, you had your mom, Hoseok’s mom and your best friends here with you. All the people who would give you the right advice about what dress to pick. You’d told them all to be honest as the last thing you wanted was for them to try and cheer you up by lying.

At the moment, you were sitting on one of the couches that were set around the small room as you waited for the assistant to come back. The store had three rooms that were used for bridal parties to try on dresses and pick their favourites, away from anyone else who might happen to wander by. You’d like the privacy it offered which had been another factor in choosing them.

Before attending, you’d specified the types of dresses that you’d prefer to try on and the colour schemes. Upon arrival, she’d looked over your body with a critical eye that had made you feel uncomfortable before disappearing out of the door once more. As she had a lot of experience in helping brides find the perfect dress, she was now weeding out the dresses that she knew for a fact wouldn’t suit you.

Maybe someone else wouldn’t like that, but you appreciated the extra effort. Plus, you knew that you could always ask to see them if you didn’t find any from the dresses that had been specifically picked out for you to try today. You figured that you’d let her get on with it though. She had way more experience than you did in this area.

You were nervous though, your leg bouncing quickly while your fingers were tapping at your jean-clad thigh. Everyone else just seemed to be excited but the large mirror on one end of the room filled you with dread. What if you looked fat and ugly in every dress? You wanted to look perfect but you weren’t unrealistic. There was only so much to do with an average base, after all.

Unsurprisingly, your mom notices your quiet and shy demeanour. Not that you were naturally outgoing anyway, but mom’s notice these things. 

Reaching over from where she’s sat next to you, her hand firmly takes your own and presses it against your leg, stopping it from jerking. Glancing over to her, she gives you a soft smile before running her fingers along your cheek in a gentle movement.

“What’s wrong? Worried?” Nodding self-consciously, you try to avoid her gaze as you feel heat spread through your body. Even your fingers tingle with embarrassment, not wanting to cause a scene in front of everyone.

“Aren’t I supposed to be worried?” 

“No, you’re supposed to be excited. But don’t think about what you’re supposed to be. Just enjoy the moment and have fun dressing up!” She encourages you, giving you a bright smile while squeezing your hand. It attracts Soyeon’s attention from your other side, causing her to stop chatting with Chungha and Hoseok’s mom on the opposite couch.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Now it’s her turn to try and comfort you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder before hugging you tightly. It causes you to smile softly before looking at her, shrugging underneath her embrace.

“Nothing. I’m just...you know me. If there’s one thing I can stress over then I will.” You can almost hear the audible sigh in the room. There’s no doubt that it’s not meant maliciously, but you know that everyone was probably hoping that you’d be able to enjoy today and get excited. Instead, you’ve just made it clear that they have damage control to do.

“What are you stressing over? Not finding the right dress today? The wedding itself? The cost?” The questions are peppered at you from your mom and each one is almost right. As excited as you were to get married to Hoseok, you’d never been one of those girls who fantasize about a wedding. As such, you’d never particularly cared to pay attention to what weddings require.

What Hoseok and you had discovered over the last few months was that weddings required a lot of money and a lot of different people involved. The florist, the venue, the interior design of the room, invite makers, catering, suit makers, wedding dressmakers and so much more. It was a headache to think about and you’d tried to get everything sorted as quickly as you could and for something that wasn’t going to bankrupt you both.

Despite that, you were still looking forward to finally getting to marry Hoseok. It was just the whole process getting there that was causing you anxiety. You wanted to look your best for him. Blow his socks off and all that jazz.

“Yes and no. It’s stupid,” Your voice lowers, almost to a whine. “You’ll think I’m being stupid.”

“Hey...no. No, we won’t. You know we won’t, we never have.” That comes from Chungha and you can see that she’d like to be part of the ‘physically comforting’ crew. But there’s not enough space for her, so she’s relegated to just talking to you from over the glass coffee table between both couches. There’s a fresh bouquet in a pretty vase on the tabletop alongside copies of wedding magazines scattered along the surface.

A quick, unsure glance takes in Hoseok’s mom and you feel even more anxious as you wonder whether she’s judging you. Is she unhappy at what she sees? Uncertain whether or not she wants her son to marry you after getting to witness firsthand your anxiety and fears? You know that she knows about that stuff. Hoseok had told her over the years with your permission, but it was another thing entirely to see it in person.

There’s no judgement in her eyes though and it settles you a little. Instead, there’s concern, a frown on her forehead as she leans forward and watches you closely.

Swallowing, you sigh before finally deciding to just be honest with them. You needed their support right now and you wanted to be excited about picking a dress. This was going to be the dress that you’d remember forever. The one that you hoped would make Hoseok cry when he saw you.

“I just am worried. That...you know...I won’t look good. In my dress. Or any dress. Or that I’ll look fat. Like it’ll highlight my fat bits or something. I know he’s going to look gorgeous because he’s always beautiful and a suit is just going to make him stunning. So I’m afraid that I won’t look good next to him.” The little ball of anxiety in your stomach is growing bigger as you speak, paralysing your chest and making it a little harder to breathe as you imagine all the ways a dress could highlight your bad points.

Your mom can tell, purely, by the way your movements beneath her hand start to get a little more forceful as you try to fidget. She presses down a little harder, forcing you to stop and look at her. There’s so much love in her eyes, but you also see the concern and upset.

“You’re going to look beautiful, sweetheart. You know why? Because you’re already beautiful! Everyone will be in awe of you, thinking you’re the prettiest girl in the room on the day and that’ll be because you will be. Because you are.” She finishes, squeezing your hand while a firm smile is pressed onto her face.

“She’s right,” Hoseok’s mom interrupts, causing you to look over and see that she has her supportive smile. “You’re going to look amazing. And as someone who knows my son pretty well, I have every confidence that he’s going to cry like a baby when he sees you. Hoseok thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. You in a wedding dress is just going to be the cherry on top.”

That makes tears fill your eyes as your breath catches. Pulling your hand away from your mom’s grasp, you wipe at them daintily before sniffing. You’d carefully applied makeup this morning in a possible replica of what you might want your wedding makeup to look like. Smoky eyes and a neutral lip with a subtle natural look to your face. The actual makeup would be more in-depth but you figured this would be enough to get an idea with the dress included.

Before you can say anything in response to her, the door opens up again and a moveable clothing rail is rolled inside. It’s loaded with beautiful dresses, all carefully wrapped up in plastic or paper to keep them pristine for their potential bride to try on. The sight of them makes your stomach knot up in both anticipation and fear.

Your assistant, Fatima, closes the door behind her before giving you that brilliant white smile, full of customer service as she gestures to the dresses.

“Okay, so I’ve kept almost all the ballgown style dresses. I know you said that was your ideal silhouette and I’ve picked out all the ones in ivory for you. There’s only one or two that are shoulderless. I know you said you weren’t fond of that but there are some really pretty ones that I think would work with your body. Minimal lace as well though there’s one or two with some nice designs on them.” Standing, you head over to the rail and gently finger through the dresses with wide eyes.

There were so many of them.

As if she could hear your thoughts, Fatima speaks again. “You don’t have to try them all on if you don’t want to. If you find the dress then just let me know! Don’t force yourself if you’ve fallen in love with one, okay?” 

Nodding slowly, you look over at everyone else with raised brows. Understanding the silent question, almost everyone laughs and gestures to the dresses with excitement.

“Oh my god! Get trying!” Feeling shy, you carefully take the first dress off the hook before disappearing into the en-suite changing room. Taking your clothes off and carefully folding them onto the little seat in the room, you let Fatima in once more to help you slip the dress on. She hurries around you, adjusting bits of the dress and smoothing out areas before bringing you back out into the main room.

This one is pretty plain and simple with a ballgown style that reaches down to the floor in gentle swathes of soft, ivory fabric. The bodice consists of what seem to be two pieces of the same fabric, carefully designed so the right side slips underneath the left side in a criss-cross over your chest. It gives you a classic neckline that only gives the slightest hint of cleavage and helps to enhance your breasts while the straps rest on the very edges of your shoulders.

You love the style and overall design of it, appreciating that the shoulder straps are thick and the sweeping bodice manages to highlight the good parts of your body. For a moment, you wonder if you’d managed to find the dress on your first try, but turning around and examining it from all angles you soon realise that you haven’t quite got it yet.

Turning to the others, they all tilt their heads in various directions and make contemplative noises. Slowly, you spin around for them to get a good idea of the whole dress before you look at yourself once more in the mirror. Running your fingers down the luxurious cavenza, you acknowledge that it’s a beautiful dress.

But it’s not yours.

“I don’t think this is the one,” You say. “I think it’s too simple?”

Raising a brow, you look at the girls to get their opinion. They hum for another moment before nodding agreement with you.

“It looks beautiful but you’re right. It’s not quite...right. A little too boring. You look amazing though.” Smiling shyly, you turn to look at the mirror once more with a little hesitation.

You’d been so worried that a dress might just make all of your more unsightly bits even more obvious than normal such as the belly you could never seem to get rid of or your thick hips and butt. Thankfully though, the silhouette style you’d decided to try seemed to be doing a great job of disguising all those bits.

The only thing that you weren’t quite happy about was your upper arms, the fat there a little too much for your liking. Frowning, you take a deep breath and try to ignore it before looking at Fatima.

“Not this one. Can I try the next?” She nods eagerly before gesturing for you to re-enter the dressing room.

The next hour carries on like that with you trying on dress after dress and finding a reason to dislike every single one. It begins to get a little disheartening and you worry if you’re not going to be able to find the right dress. What if it didn’t exist or something? Wasn’t there supposed to be some magical moment when you’d put on a dress and it’d just feel right?

Like a sign from the heavens that you’d found the One?

Shaking your head at the mirror in exasperation, you turn back into the dressing room and begin to peel off the dress you’d been trying. This one had been an instant dislike with the train being far too long and the bodice making your body look particularly frumpy. You were more than happy to get out of it.

As Fatima helps you, undoing the laces at the back and making sure the dress comes off without any tearing, you give her an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. I hope I’m not wasting your time.”

She laughs at that, shaking her head as she carefully places the dress back into its protective wrap and hangs it up. Taking the next dress off the rail, she pulls it out of its wrap and turns to you with the same happy expression on her face.

“It’s okay, honestly! It’s what I get paid to do. Besides, it’s all a process. You wouldn’t believe how many brides have to go through multiple appointments before we can find the right one for them. Don’t stress yourself if it’s taking a bit longer than you might have hoped for. It just means that the right one for you is still out there! And trust me, you’re a lovely bride compared to some I’ve dealt with.” Fatima says, smirking before gesturing for you to spin around.

Wincing slightly, you wonder how many bridezillas she’s had to put up with over the years. You’d think it was a sexist term but you’d certainly read enough Reddit to know that it was, unfortunately, true for a sadly large number of brides out there. Hopefully, you wouldn’t even remotely be considered one.

“Not many left to go through now.” Fatima sing-song’s, carefully zipping up the pearl buttons on the back of the dress. Inhaling, you hold the top to your chest to help her along before watching as she continues her routine of making sure any unfortunate creases disappear.

Lifting the skirt slightly, you follow her back out into the room and stand in front of the mirror. It’s not one mirror, but more like a mini-wall of mirrors. There’s five, with one big one in front of you, two slightly smaller to either side and at an angle, while another two are angled even further in. It helps to give you a good look at everything from as many angles as possible while the bright lighting illuminates all the good points of a dress.

Tilting your head, you examine it closely before turning from side to side to try and look over all the angles. Humming lightly, you spin and watch as the skirt flares out dramatically. It had a slightly longer trail than some of the dresses you’d tried but it’s not so long that you’d need someone to carry it or anything.

“What is this one made of?” You ask, letting your fingers trail over the delicate design that makes up the bodice of the dress and spreads down onto the skirt. It feels soft and you feel pretty wearing it, admiring the leaf design and the way it creeps up your shoulders to cover up the straps.

“The leaf design on the bodice and the shoulders are ivory lace, tulle and Royal Organza with an ivory gown, tulle illusion and beading,” She gestures to the material that covers the bottom of the gown, the material light and see-through in an elegant manner. “The back of the dress is a v-design and the leaf design also continues around here. I must say, it looks beautiful on you!”

At any other moment, you’d be wondering if she was just trying to hurry the appointment up to get it moving and have you putting a deposit down already. You’d taken up so much of her time today that you wouldn’t be surprised.

But she sounds genuine, and you’re too busy admiring the dress to care. Because you agree with her. It’s a stunning dress and for once, you think it does look beautiful. It hides all the bits you were self-conscious about yet outlined your body perfectly to give you a body silhouette that you loved.

The lace design extends along with the skirt in all directions but it’s only directly in the front and behind where it extends almost to the edge. It’s intricate and so delicate, causing you to wonder how people managed to make these. You certainly wouldn’t have the patience for it.

“I...I love it.” You find yourself saying, eyes wide as you look yourself over in the mirror. Shifting around, you turn to everyone and give them an expectant look. Posing for them slightly, you shift in all directions to make sure they can see it all properly before spinning and letting the dress flow out.

“Oh my god, it’s so beautiful.” Chungha breathes out, pressing a hand to her chest as her gaze is focused firmly on the dress. Soyeon is nodding too, a huge grin on her face before she squeals and claps her hand as her excitement takes over.

“Ahhhh! It’s amazing. Oh my god, it’s perfect!” 

Hoseok’s mom nods, standing up to move over to you and get a closer look. She slowly moves around you, taking in the gown up close before reaching out to gently trail her fingers over some of the lace. You let her, watching closely to see what she thinks.

“Oh my, Hoseok is going to cry. You look amazing.” Her words cause a sudden surge of emotion in you as you look over your shoulder, taking everything in once more. It’s not the fairytale moment you’d imagined it might be, but it feels close enough. There’s not a single thing you hate about the dress.

You don’t even particularly hate yourself in it. Biting your lip, you try to imagine yourself on the day itself; the veil trailing down your back while your makeup has been professionally done and a specially made bouquet is held in your hands. The feeling in your stomach isn’t anxiety or self-hatred but...excitement.

“Mom?” Looking at your mom, you see the way there are tears in her eyes too. She’s got her hands covering her mouth and you frown, hoping she’s okay. Stepping over to her carefully, you reach out and take her hands gently.

“Mom? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” You’d crouch in front of her but you didn’t want to potentially do anything to ruin this dress. Not when you’d taken so long today to find it. Maybe you were just lucky that it had only taken one session to find it. You didn’t know, nor did you care anymore. 

You’d found it.

“Oh honey, you look so beautiful! I told you that you would, didn’t I?” Wiping at her eyes, she gives you a watery smile before giving a weak laugh. Slowly, she stands and places her hands on your shoulders, taking you in from a little distance with such a fond and happy look.

Feeling a little shy under her stare, you look down at your hands before taking a careful step back and letting her look at you from all directions. Chungha and Soyeon are almost vibrating with excitement as they stand to the side, clasping their hands together and giving you the biggest smiles possible when you laugh at them.

Looking over at Fatima, you smile at her. The look on her face is satisfied and you guess she’s probably content that she’s managed to fulfil her job today. Another bride was satisfied with her choice, after all.

“I think I’m going to have to put a deposit down on this one.” Looking back down at the dress, you run your hands down it once more in wonderment. It was odd to think that you were going to be wearing this in a few months, only then you’d be walking down the aisle to Hoseok. For a moment, you imagine what his face might look like.

Glancing at everyone else, you smirk slightly as you feel a little mischief taking over at the thought of him.

“Hoseok was bugging me this morning about if he could be allowed to see the dress. Trying to say that traditions are silly and everything. I’m going to call him, right now. Wearing this. Just to tell him I’ve found it. It’s going to drive him up the wall knowing I’ve picked it and he’s not allowed to see for months.” That makes his mom snort in amusement while Chungha let’s out a whoop of delight.

Your mom is shaking her head, amusement thankfully drying up her tears. Reaching to her, you embrace her in a tight hug that’s a little rare from you. But you’re thankful to her for everything she’s done and for all her support so far. Plus, you get the feeling she needs to have a hug right now.

She hugs you back just as tightly, patting your back before rubbing at it in soothing motions that make you feel young and small once more. When you pull away, she gives a slightly exasperated look before rolling her eyes.

“Go on then, go call him. Honestly. Do you two ever go a day without teasing each other relentlessly?” Laughing, you nod at Fatima who exits the room. You presume there’s more to go through before you’ll finally be able to leave but at least you can stop getting in and out of dresses finally.

“Never. Besides, this is revenge for him eating the last of the Crunchy Nut this morning.”

[bibbykins]

At-Fault Acid Rain

Who is the clown that decided to write fight drabbles for no reason? Me? Oh, damn.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to keep sending me questions about the soft yandere boys I love them!

Word count: 2.1k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jin x Reader (Scopophilic Affection drabble)

Summary: You and Jin did not fight often, you barely disagreed on anything, except for one big thing: your family. After a tense dinner with your family, and the shedding of your tears, Jin understands he needs to change his approach.

Alternatively: all the soft yandere boys go to mush during a fight the moment their darling starts to cry

The door was nearly ripped off its hinges as Jin opened it, passively aggressively, but still chivalrous, for you to give him the side eye as you stepped through the threshold of your shared apartment, "I'm sleeping on the fucking couch."  You seethed as you kicked off the pumps you wore.

"No, baby, let me." Sarcasm dripped from his tone as he followed suit while you fiddled with the zipper on your dress, "I obviously don't do enough for you, so I'll sleep on the couch." His tone was bitter to say the least.

You scoffed as your arms reached to get the damn dress off. You just wanted to shed this night off of your body. Your lovely lover thought it would be super wise to make underhanded verbal jabs at each and every member of your family until the entire dinner was eaten in silence before everyone even got their main course. 

Needless to say, you were mortified. Regardless of how shitty your family has been to you, you did still love them. You did still see them as family, even if they just saw you as a disappointment, now a bitchy gold-digging disappointment. You and Jin had bickered the whole way home about what was and wasn't called for as well as his motives behind his very thinly veiled insults to your family. Was he standing up for you or did he genuinely look down on your family? 

And by extension, did he look down on you?

You felt him pull the zipper down as your arms returned to your side, "How can you be so goddamn stubborn sometimes?" He muttered under his breath as he leaned down to try and kiss your neck, obviously hoping for makeup sex before a fight fully breaks out. You and Jin had been pretty good about not fighting, but when it came to the topic of your family, it was difficult, to say the least.

Jin despised your family very, very strongly. He was crazy about you, and crazy in general, so he hated anyone who made you feel like anything less than the goddess you are to him. You, on the other hand, still maintain a wry smile to your family's backhanded compliments. This drove him to the brink of insanity, resulting in his much harsher quips back to your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, and especially your parents. 

Overcome with love and an unwillingness to fight in risk of relenting, Jin always tried to have sex and deal with it then. 

Keyword: tried. You marched towards the room before his mouth could make contact and extinguish the angry fire in your body, "I would love it if you didn't touch me right now." You snapped as you put on a large t-shirt, deliberately choosing one you already owned instead of one of Jin's.

Taking notice of this, Jin found his libido drop and his irritation spike. How could you not understand he was on your side?! "I would love it if you could stop being mad at me for being honest during dinner about your shitty family!" You flinched at his volume when he crossed the threshold of the bedroom while you took off your jewelry.

You laughed humorously, "Honest or not, they don't need more fucking reasons to despise me anymore!" You shot back, "The way they looked at me tonight… I couldn't even eat!" You were beyond irritated that Jin couldn't see why you were angry, "The last time they looked at me like that was when I told them I wanted to major in Theatre!"

"Well, I ate just fine and the food was delicious." Jin clipped back as you slammed the earings on the nightstand

"Unbelievable." You murmured as you grabbed a pillow and brushed past the broad-shouldered man in the doorway.

Jin scoffed as he followed you, "I don't see why you still give a damn about what they think of you!" You pursed your lips and shook your head, "You're not a kid anymore, they're opinion shouldn't matter!" He tried to reason with you.

"Of course you don't get it." Your voice dropped lower, usually a signal to Jin to reel it in, but he was far too stubborn and confident he would win this fight.

"What does that mean?!" He challenged with all of his bravado as you patted the pillow against the armrest of the couch.

You whipped your head around to scrutinize his form, still suit clad with only the tie loosened, "You have no idea what it's like to be brought up with expectations so high and miss the mark so terribly, not only do you get shit on all the damn time, you aren't even given the decency of a chance to redeem yourself!" You were hurt, and Jin began to regret his big mouth, "Your parents love you and respect you and trust your judgement." Jin's jaw clenched, "My family loves me, yeah, but because it is expected of them, and they meet their fucking expectations unlike their creative mistake from a family of accountants!" You could hardly keep track of your words, "They love me but they don't respect me, not even enough to expect anything from me anymore!"

Jin knew he should've stopped but he couldn't stand the way you looked at him, and he wanted to be right, "I earned my parents respect!" He retorted, "You…!" He trailed off, having to reevaluate the very shitty and incorrect thing he was going to say, hoping you would just drop it.

When he saw the pain flash through your widened eyes, he wanted to crumble, "I…?" You waited expectantly, "What? I didn't earn their respect?" Your voice was eerily soft and Jin knew what it meant. You were going to cry. Your tears stung him like acid, dissolving his fight within seconds. You seldom fully cried, so when you did Jin saw red at the cause, but when the cause was him, which had only happened once before this, he spent weeks apologizing. You were his everything, the last thing he ever wants is to make you feel like anything less. Jim never won any of your arguments, though he likes to think he has once, but the moment you cry the idea of winning or loosing becomes insignificant.

Jin's eyes softened as he took a very tentative step towards you, "No, baby, I didn't mean-"

You held your hand up, effectively silencing him, "No, no, you're right, what have I done to earn their respect?" You shrugged and your voice shook as Jin stepped closer to you, "I have been nothing but respectful to them even while they spit on every accomplishment I've had, and when I finally bring home a boy, he makes them feel as small as they have made me feel and…" You inhaled shakily, as Jin braced himself, "And if that's what you think of them… what on Earth do you think of me?" Your voice cracked as the dam in your tear ducts shattered and you broke down into tears and Jin's stubborn resolve dissolved with it.

He engulfed you in a hug, despite your initial fight to put as much distance as possible between you both. With his strength your efforts were fruitless physically, but affected him emotionally as he held you firmly against him until you gave up. You cried into his chest, undoubtedly getting mascara all over his very expensive dress shirt as he held you close, stroking your hair, "I think that of them because they are cowards." His tone was softer, "I think that you, on the other hand, are the most courageous and passionate person I know." 

"You're just saying that because I'm crying." You hiccuped as you gripped his shirt.

He laughed shortly, "I'll admit that I hate to see you cry, Leopard." You relaxed a bit against the nickname, "But I mean it." He kissed the top of your head, "I just get so fucking angry when I see those bastards looking down on you, like they all wanted to do fucking math for a living, like they weren't just too cowardly to follow their own fucking dream, so they channel all their self hatred onto my beautiful fianceè, who doesn't need a boy to make her look better when compared to a family full of idiots." He swayed you both back and forth as you caught your breath, "I think the world of you, fuck, you are my world." You sniffled, relaxed against his form as he swayed, "I'm sorry I was an asshole and most importantly," He cupped your face to look at you, "I'm sorry I made you think for a second that I think of you as anything less than the person I admire the most." Your eyes softened as he wiped the stray tears from your cheeks with his thumbs.

"Ugh, Jin," You groaned into his chest, "Why are you so good with words?" You sighed, leaning into his touch, "I'm sorry I freaked out, I really don't give too much of a shit what you say to them, but I'm just so used to them being the standard for perfection and so I just thought that if you think they suck, then I really must be nothing more than a pretty face to you." You shifted your gaze to the floor, uncomfortable spilling your insecurities after a fight.

"Are you kidding?!" Jin's tone demanded your attention, "I think you're a goddamn magician with the shit you can do for sets and for screen plays, your mind is fantastic and your personality lights up my life!" 

"Jin-"

"I love you so much, you are beautiful, yeah, but you're also intelligent, strong, hardworking, clever, fearless-" Jin's gushing was cut short by your lips smashing onto his in a kiss he quickly melted into. His hands went to your waist as he pulled you flush against him and massaged your mouth with his own.

You both pulled away to catch your breaths, "I love you too, you obnoxious, crazy, and stubborn man." You huffed against his mouth, "Thank you for standing up for me, babe, but just wait till we finish eating next time, hm?" 

Jin nodded before pressing a quick kiss to your lips, "Now that's how you compromise." He grinned, "To make up for it, I'll make you your favorite, since my poor little Leopard didn't eat." You smiled before stealing another kiss, "Also I feel terrible for making you cry, so I'll get started." He chuckled lightly.

Before he could pull from your embrace, you pulled him in for another kiss as you stood on your tippy toes, "Darling?" You nuzzled your nose onto his as he hummed in question, his knees weakening, as you gripped his collar to bring him down and whisper in his ear, "If you really want to make my family sweat, tell the more about what you do for a living Mr. Board Member and Computer Science man." You mused playfully before placing a kiss to his ear as he straightened and met your eyes. The light had returned to them along with the smile you gave him, "Or whatever your impressive title is." You giggled, making him smile wide as he took in your features.

"Stop distracting me, beautiful." Jin chided before giving you a quick kiss and heading towards the kitchen, "You can seduce me after you eat the apology meal!" He called from the kitchen making your roll your eyes as you sat on the couch, "Gosh, my fiancè keeps trying to have makeup sex with me!" He whined sarcastically, making you smile.

You scoffed mockingly, "Oh really? Do you want me to tell her to stop?" You joked as you heard a small clatter of pans.

"NO!" Jin called as he collected himself, making you laugh, "I can handle it just fine, I'm a strong man!" He called out, not knowing you had snuck into the kitchen.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, chest pressed against his back as he stirred the pot in front of him, "I love you, dummy." You mumbled against him.

Jin paused his movements for a moment before placing on hand over yours. He closed his eyes for a moment, blissfully sighing before his face relaxed into an equally blissful smile, "I love you most, Leopard." He squeezed your hand as you nuzzled into him. Jin could put aside his pride for you and you alone, he would move mountains for you. However, he had all intentions to put your family in their place, and to make sure they understood their place was beneath you. You, his goddess, his universe, his lovely Leopard.

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Hi Jan🖤 For the 900 follower event, can I request a Horror piece with Tendou. Quote 13 please in written format👉🏻👈🏻

Thanks love 🥺

TW: Murder & Possessiveness! 

Children are taught at a young age to ridicule those who do not fit into the quixotic mold designed by society. It has become a checklist of sorts, and if one box remains empty – it is as if the entire person is flawed. Those who adorn facial features that do not conform to the idealistic beauty standards are ostracized – shamed for not meeting the unrealistic standards bestowed upon them at birth. The bullied are taught to despise themselves – and it is that self hatred that blooms into something quite terrible.

You see, people are not born monsters – they are merely products of their environment. And so, the innocent blood that is shed by the supposed ‘monsters’ cannot be attributed to a single person, no. Responsibility should be ascribed to those who have created the monster – not the monster itself.

It was your overwhelming hatred towards society that drew you to the ‘guess monster’ at Shiratorizawa Academy. Tendou Satori, both adored and despised by his colleagues, was under the impression that he was the monster that mothers warned their children about. To others his features were ghastly – repulsive even. But to you… he was the closest thing to an angel. Your interest in the volleyball player increased the more you observed him, but what you craved from him was conversation… to taste his lips… and to claim him as your own. Love gnawed at your heart every time he slipped away from your vision. You wanted him so damn badly and yet you could not approach him. Not as you were.

Despite your incompatibility with the male, one day you were overcome by the need to destroy the distance that existed between you. In an impulsive move, you approached the red head during lunch, refusing to allow another minute to be wasted.

“Hello Satori.” The greeting was purred out seductively as you trailed your fingers down the fabric of your skirt, pretending to smooth out any wrinkles.

“Oh hi!” Astonishment crossed his visage when he realized who was addressing him. He could barely believe that the most popular girl in school was here – at his locker, speaking with him. It was almost too good to be true. Was he being pranked? A cautious glance was then tossed over his shoulder, he expected to discover a camera man or some snickering females. But there was no one. “How can I help you?” The question was filled with cheer, and the way his eyebrows raised with his smile twisted a knot in your stomach.

He was smiling at you…just for you.

“Go out with me.” The command fell from your plush lips before you could second guess yourself. Confidence shimmered in your eyes as you rocked yourself onto your toes. The action granted you additional height, limiting the distance between your face and his.

There was no way he would reject you, right?

“Are you sure you want to go out with me?” A bandaged finger was pointed at his chest, adding to the inquiry. He must have misheard you. Maybe you wanted him to help you with Wakatoshi? That would make far more sense.

“Yes, why else would I go out of my way to see you, my sweet Satori? You’ve had my attention for awhile now. I was just too shy to approach you.” You elected to articulate the explanation slowly, with additional emphasis on his name.

The middle blocker found himself entranced by your voice, and the flirtatious bat of your lashes had banished the concerns he held originally when you approached him. The poor soul, so desperate for love… he should have been more cautious. He should have sensed the danger that would come packaged in a relationship with you.

But he didn’t. At least, not until it was too late.

The beginning of your relationship with Tendou was filled with exploration. Your desires were poured out in one stroke, and he complied with your every request. Within weeks you were exposed to everything precious to him – to his weaknesses and strengths. The more you learned, the greedier you became. He consumed your every thought, and soon love became intertwined with obsession.

Now, you could handle his commitment to volleyball. In fact, you altered your own schedule to match with his – attending every game and practice. Watching your boyfriend destroy the confidence of the opposing team flooded you in exhilaration. You derived the strangest pleasure each time he successfully blocked the opposition. Maybe it was merely happiness that increased your heartrate. Or maybe it was something else all together.

It was months into your relationship when you realized his love for you would not match yours – no, not as you were. Luckily enough, an opportunity presented itself to you. The arrival of a new student served as the answer to your prayer. A beautiful first year student who supposedly found interest in your beloved boyfriend.

“Oh, you have received another love letter, my darling? How popular you have become.” The bitterness hanging onto your tongue was disguised as humour. Adding to your façade, you gently skid your fingers across his cheek.

“Yeah! I guess so.” Scratching his head, the red head furrowed his brows at the envelope in his grasp. “I just throw them out usually. But they keep on comin’.” He lifted his shoulders into a shrug, aiming to showcase his indifference towards his secret admirer. He knew how jealous you could become and was hoping to lessen your insecurity. Not that it worked.

“Mhmm. Aren’t I ever so lucky to have you all to myself?” Capturing his cheeks on either side with your fingers, you guided his face to yours, to apply a rough kiss to his mouth.

You didn’t blame him at all for your insecurity, it was your fault. Love requires change, and you have stayed the same. The problem wasn’t him; it was you.

When Tendou received a message to meet you outside after dark, he presumed you were in need of some affection and was eager to satisfy you. However, the location point for your meeting plagued him with concern. It was ten at night – why the hell were you at a graveyard?

It took him fifteen minutes to reach the destination, and an additional five to find you inside the cemetery. From his original position he could only make out your figure from behind, but as he proceeded closer, his heart sunk into his stomach.

“Hi babe. Are you doin’ okay?” The tremors in his voice matched the fear alarming inside of his head.

Excitement bubbled to life inside of your core as you spun around to greet your boyfriend. The sight was enough to bring the volleyball player to his knees, though a smile remained etched into his features. Paralyzed, Tendou stared at his girlfriend, wondering how he got it so damn wrong.

“Peachy, honey. I am peachy.” Blood decorated the blade within your grasp and laying at your feet was a limp body. The messy coils of the lifeless body were drenched in crimson.

It almost looked like paint.

The thought brought a hysterical whimper to sound within his throat.

How strange that he spent his entire life under the impression that he was the monster written about in fairytales. Little did the world know that monsters did not look like him. No, the true monsters were dressed in plain clothes, with angelic features that could fool God himself.

“Baby, I’ve changed for you. Don’t you see? You’re no longer alone. We’re both monsters.” Tossing the weapon aside casually, you stepped closer to him before kneeling down to capture his hands in yours.

“I don’t understand…” A pained smile stretched across his mouth as his eyes dropped to the sticky substance now transferring to his skin. Deranged in your own illusions, you found his expression to be quite elegant under the moon’s blessing.

“You finally see me, my love. Ah. It feels so good to be seen.” Streams of liquid flushed your cheeks. The adrenaline pumping through your veins had placed you on a high that you could not get enough of.

“You’ll never be alone now, my sweet Satori. It’s you and me forever.”

A/N: cliffhanger because I want ya’ll to feel uncomfy LMAO Hope you liked this though! 

General taglist:  @haikyuufairy @newfriendjen @lvoejimin @moonlightaangel @gyozaaaaa @byun-nies @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @graykageyama @bloody-bella @amberalisa @yourstarvic @swoonhui @rajablast @chocolaterumble

[fadesofcool]

Matter

Author’s Note: I’m a bit rusty, but I've had this idea for a while and I’m really happy with how it turned out. Enjoy.

Never cared for what they do

Never cared for what they know

It had come at the end of a long week. The days had seem to drag on, each one lasting longer than the last. But you powered through, keeping promises to yourself to be strong and productive. You were exhausted; mentally, physically, spiritually. Your saving grace would be the moment you stepped into your apartment on Friday. Ashton was coming home from tour Friday night, and you had taken four days off to be able to spend time with him and celebrate his homecoming. 

You had gotten the first notification on your phone in the middle of the day. Your phones vibration broke you out of your trance, halting your concentration. You glanced down, hoping for an update text from Ashton, but instead saw a Twitter notification. Suddenly, more and more notifications started rapidly popping up, from all your social media. You furrowed your brows, picking up your phone and unlocking it. Scrolling through your Twitter feed, you felt your stomach sharpen, a sour taste seeping into your mouth.

Pictures of Ashton and the rest of the boys at different clubs and parties, celebrating their recent successes and the end of tour. Countless girls scattered around them, all of them stunning and glowing in their tight glittering dresses. Everyone was smiling and drinking, arms around each other, hanging on each other, hugging, touching. It was all too much. You and Ashton had been together for well over a year, and you trusted him, but the insecurities occasionally crept up on you, surprising you out of the blue, shocking you into a period of self-hatred. But this was brought on by them. The groupies, the girls, anyone that hung out with Ashton that you deemed prettier than you, funnier than you, better than you in practically every way. Ashton may love you, but really, what was stopping him? You were miles away in a tiny town with your tiny life and meaningless job. Everything you did looked small compared to the scale of Ashton’s life. He could easily have anyone he chose, within seconds. In your moments of weakness, you often questioned Ashton’s motives for being with you and staying with you for so long. What was he getting out of it? Was it really as worth it as he said it was? You had your doubts. 

You locked your phone, not wanting to see anymore, knowing the emotions would hit, and you’ve already cried multiple times at work because of Ashton, usually over how much you missed him. But as you turned back to your computer, you couldn’t help but water the seed of doubt that was planted in your stomach. You thoughts were roaming free in an open field of insecurities, and you kept coming back to those girls. You were all for girls supporting other girls, but didn’t that also mean respecting other girls relationships? Why did girls flirt and hang all over Ashton knowing that he had a girlfriend? Is it because you weren’t there with him? You couldn’t put your life on hold to follow him around the world like a lost puppy. 

I never opened myself this way

Life is ours, we live it our way

Ashton locked his phone for what felt like the hundredth time that night, leaning his head back to rest against the wall of the booth. His eyes shifted lazily around the club, barely registering anything he was seeing. He couldn’t enjoy himself. All he wanted was to hear from you. 

“Ash! Dude, come on!” Ashton turned his head toward the sound of his name, seeing Calum walk towards him with a drink in each hand. Ashton had barely drank all night, but Calum was already tipsy. Calum plopped down in the booth next to Ashton, shoving a drink into Ashton’s hand. 

“What is this?” Ashton asked.

“Doesn’t matter! Just drink it!” Calum threw back his drink in one gulp. “I’m tired of seeking you sulk mate,” Calum continued. “We came out to celebrate. Now, put the phone away,” Calum said, reaching over Ashton’s body and grabbing his phone from his hand. “And celebrate!”

Calum stood and shoved Ashton’s phone into his front pocket. 

“Dude, no, give me my phone back. What if she needs me?”

Calum shook his head at Ashton. “She’s not gonna need you because she’s probably out having a great time, just like you should be! So get up and. Go. Dance.” Calum state firmly, turning and walking away from Ashton. 

Ashton sighed, knowing it was no use trying to get his phone back from Calum until Calum passed out and he could dig it out of his pocket himself. Ashton looked around the club, noticing a few girls outside the VIP section where he sat eyeing him, hoping that he would use his leverage to get them in the coveted spot. He rolled his eyes and turned towards the bodyguard guarding the rope. 

“You can let those two in,” He said, tilting his head towards the girls. “I’m heading out the back.” The security nodded, unhooking the rope for the girls. They pushed each other in quickly, trying to get near Ashton. He turned quickly and escaped out the back entrance of the club, breathing the night air in deeply when his feet hit the pavement. He looked up and down the road, gathering his surroundings, before making a left, sticking his hands in his pockets, and making his way back to the hotel.

It took Ash a second to remember what city they were in as he kicked pebbles down the sidewalk. He didn’t have his phone so he couldn’t check the time, but he couldn’t help but wonder what you were up to. If it was night time you were probably asleep in the large bed you shared with Ashton, wearing his clothes as pajamas. If it was the daytime you were probably working or with friends. Either way, he knew you were probably missing him, but doing your best to push it down and power through. You were always determined that way. Not to let anything get in your way. It was one of the many things he loved about you. You and Ashton hadn’t been together the longest, but he was serious about you. He knew he wanted to be with you long term. On the easy Sunday mornings when you two just lazed in bed together, he often thought about how this was something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He had never had a relationship like he had with you. It was different than anything else he had experienced, and the feelings you gave him were so strong. He knew your relationship wasn’t ideal, but to him, it was so worth it. 

So close, no matter how far

Couldn't be much more from the heart

You had been calling Ashton’s phone for what seemed like hours. After 5 calls, you started to think you might’ve been annoying him, but after 12, you had assumed the worst. None of the other boys had picked up their phones earlier. They were most likely all partying together, to drunk to even feel their phones vibrating, but still, you couldn’t help but think that maybe something bad had happened to Ashton. 

15 calls later, on the fourth ring, Ashton’s phone picked up.

“Hello?”

“Calum?” You asked, confused.

“Yeah? Who else?”

“Why are you answering Ashton’s phone?”

You heard some shuffling sounds on the other end before Calum’s voice returned. 

“Oh shit, I thought this was my phone! Sorry babe. I’m holding onto Ashy’s phone for him.”

You loved Calum, but he was really testing your patience. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply.

“Well could you just put him on the phone for me please?”

“Oh, he’s not here.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know. I think he left a little while ago. He seemed sad.”

“He was sad and you let him go off by himself with a phone?”

“Sorry!”

“It’s okay Calum. Could you please tell him to call me when you see him? Okay?”

You had absolutely no faith in drunk Calum, but you had to ask for your sanity. 

“Of course. Love you bye!”

You pulled the phone away from your ear, the line was dead before you even had a chance to say bye. You sighed, gathering your things before heading upstairs to bed. 

You sat on the edge of yours and Ashton’s bed. You glanced at Ashton’s side, realizing how big the bed seemed with only one person sleeping in it. When you two had picked it out together, Ashton insisted on a larger bed, for many reasons, but he didn’t take into consideration the fact that it would mostly be you sleeping it in. A fact that at the time felt like a stupid thing to mention. You loved Ashton and were so supportive of his career, but sometimes you felt like he didn’t understand all the ways that him being on tour affected you. You closed your eyes, and thought back fondly on the memories of you and Ashton picking out the bed and all of the other furniture for your new place together. It was such a great day for the both of you, a day that really set in stone the fact that you two were serious about each other. So serious that you were living together and picking out furniture. You reached over to your phone on the bed side table and turned the sound on, just in case Ashton called you, you would be able to hear it. With that, you pulled back the covers and got into bed, wishing Ashton was by your side. 

Forever trust in who we are

No, nothing else matters

The shrill ring and vibration of your phone pulled you out of your deep sleep. You frantically rolled over, hastily picking up the phone. 

“Hello?” You asked urgently, not even checking who was calling. 

“Hey, it’s me.” 

At the sound of Ashton’s voice your body instantly relaxed. You closed your eyes and flopped back onto the mattress. You sighed deeply, then sat back up when you realized what time it was.

“Are you okay? Where were you? Calum said you were sad and alone and you didn’t have a phone.”

You often worried about coming across as a needy, clingy partner when Ashton was on tour, but right now, you were so overcome with emotions that they just flowed out of you into Ashton’s ear, trickling out of your heart like a leaky faucet only he could fix.

He laughed softly. “I’m okay. Calum said I was spending too much time on my phone texting you so he took it from me. I wasn’t feeling the club anymore so I walked back to the hotel. It was kinda nice actually.” 

You sighed once again and laid on your side, cradling the phone to your ear like it was about to break. 

“Okay. I’m glad you’re okay. Calum said you were sad.”

Ashton sighed, and although you couldn’t see him, you knew he was running his hands through his hair. He was probably laying on his back on the hotel mattress, boots planted firmly on the floor. His head was probably turned to the side looking out the window, wondering if you were looking at the same sky that he was looking at. 

“I just miss you, that’s all. And I know how you are, and I worry about you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me Ashton.”

Ashton sat up, feeling his heart thump in his chest, thinking about you all alone in that big house he wanted so bad. A house that was meant to be filled with love from two hearts, but was instead filled with the timid beats of one, all alone. 

“I do, though. You’re all alone, and I know there’s all that shit on social media, and how easily you get sucked into it. I wish I could protect you from all of that. You shouldn’t have to put up with that, and I can’t even do anything about it. It’s not fair to you.”

“Ashton, I don’t care about all of that. I know I read it and I shouldn’t and sometimes it does affect me, but in the end, it’s all background noise. Nothing else matters except for you. Hearing your voice at the end of the day takes all of that away and makes all of it worth it. Knowing you’re there for me and that we have each other, that makes everything okay. I can handle all of this as long as you’re by my side.”

Ashton’s soft smile slowly spread across his face. “I’ll always be by your side baby. And you’re right, nothing else matters.”

[theredhairedmonkey]

Love your understanding of rayllum and how their character strengths work together! Rayla's prospective arc could be very internal as she grows into being more than a warrior. If you're inclined, please check out Farscape since there are many parallels between Rayla and the heroine in that series, and many other things. Or if you just want a good show recommendation ;)

Aww thanks! I’m glad you’re loving my analysis of rayllum!

Yea, I think Rayla and Callum are uniquely situated to help the other grow. Callum always thought that, if he’s bad at something, that’s not going to change, and he just has to find something he’s a natural at (like magic). Yet, his exposure to Rayla makes him realize that’s not true--Rayla is a great fighter because she worked at it for years. When he’s shocked at what she can do, she admits she’s never done it before. Callum realizes that it’s not Rayla’s natural gifts, but her sheer determination to keep trying, to get back up no matter how many times she’s knocked down, is what makes her strong. And that this isn’t something Callum is incapable of doing.

Rayla, for her part, has always tied her self-worth to her ability to get the job done (just listen to her conversation with Runaan in 1x02). Yet by spending time Callum, she sees how strong he is, values him regardless of any special skills, He thinks he can’t do anything; Rayla knows he’s wrong. He’s noble and true, she calls him. He put aside human hatred to do what he knew was right. He sacrificed everything so that Zym could be born.

And if Callum can be all of this without being a warrior, then maybe being a warrior isn’t all that she can be.

I’m glad you brought this up, by the way! Funny enough I’m actually working on a meta about Rayla’s character arc which, as you said, is very internal journey. Here’s a screenshot:

I’m also working on something similar for Ezran, Callum, and Soren as well. Each of them believes a lie that they spend their journeys overcoming. These false beliefs (and there’s usually one overarching belief that each character has) inform us of their insecurities, flaws, and decisions.

As for Farscape, I’ve never actually heard of this show, but I’m definitely gonna check it out! I was curious what you meant by parallels, but upon checking them out...yea, there are a lot of parallels between Rayla and Aeryn Sun! 

[jeanandthedreamofhorses]

Eren the Free, Part 2: Response to linkspooky’s ‘Eren the Slave’

Continuing from where we left off:

Blind Hatred of the Enemy

This point I have already covered both in my attached meta and in my argument against ‘lip service’. Eren proves in his conversation with Reiner that there is no longer anything blind about his hatred - he only uses it when it is useful to him, as when he manipulated Grisha and as when he distanced himself from Mikasa and Armin.

Self-Loathing

linkspooky claims that Eren is acting out of self-loathing for his own weakness and means to throw his life away for the sake of proving himself. This self-loathing is also something he began to overcome in the Uprising Arc.

Isayama said in an interview that Historia inspired Eren to escape from that depressive state, and we can see the first signs of it in the same chapter.

In the Final Arc, Eren has so much self-confidence and love for himself that he is willing to fight against the entire World for the sake of his own desires, brushing aside their hatred and choosing to live for himself.

This is why he is diametrically opposed to Zeke, who does hate himself and wishes he was never born, and out of that self-hatred wants to ensure that none of his kind are ever born again. Eren, on the other hand, proudly states “Because I was born into this world” as an affirmation of his right to exist and to fight for his freedom.

Eren is willing to endanger himself not because he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies, but because he knows for certain that he will soon die as a result of Ymir’s Curse. That is what separates the value of the lives of his friends from the value of his own life; even in Armin’s case he still has much longer left than Eren. As I explain in my attached meta, I find that Eren is using his final years in such a dramatic way precisely because he does believe in the value of his existence.

Fighting with No Release

linkspooky claims that Eren does not want freedom, but perpetual fighting. I think my attached meta should clarify why I believe perpetual fighting to be the very nature of freedom, but even then, if Eren’s aim is truly the destruction of the outside world, wouldn’t that put the conflict between humans and Eldians to a permanent end?

They also make the claim that in killing the Reiss family, Grisha does not manage to save Carla or even Eren, as he manipulates him into a cursed future. However, Grisha does not kill the Reiss family for those reasons. He is unable to do it.

The reason he ultimately makes the choice is not for anyone else but because it is the course of his own Will. It is the story he started.

Another of his motivations, secondary but still relevant, is fighting to make the deaths of the past mean something by fulfilling the future Eren showed him.

linkspooky argues that death is just an experience of meaningless losses, which must be accepted as meaningless. However, I find that this conflicts with one of the most inspiring and heartfelt moments of the manga: Erwin’s final speech before his death. 

The framing of this speech in such a moving and powerful manner is, to me, a clear indicator of authorial Narrative. Yes, people’s deaths are in themselves meaningless, which is why it is the task of the living to give them meaning – why we have to, as both Hange and Eren have said, keep moving forward, not to forget them and leave them be.

The claim that it was Grisha who manipulated his son is also problematised by this latest chapter. From his interactions with the Future Eren and the visions he showed to him, Grisha clearly knew that being titanised was Eren’s own desire.

linkspooky also brings up Eren’s killing of civilians to show he is not really fighting the World, but fighting for the sake of fighting. This ignores the fact that he also killed the ambassadors of almost every nation on the planet, who are surely representative of the World more than any other. This even extends to the leader of his own nation, though inadvertently, when Zackly is killed by the Jaegerists.

Furthermore, civilians, though innocent, are still part of the World and are not exempt from that fight. Despite what the meta suggests about Eren’s Personal Narrative, those who propose World-destroying never try to pass it off as a noble thing.

Forgetting Lessons

linkspooky claims that Eren remains stagnant because he forgets the lessons he learns. They use as their evidence Eren brushing off Mikasa after she tells him she’s grateful to him for wrapping his scarf around her. They claim that he does this because he does not accept the worth of his kindness and insists on fighting instead.

Tone is a tricky thing, but I do think the tone of this scene is widely agreed upon to be a heartwarming one.  I don’t think anyone was angry at Eren during this scene or thought he didn’t value Mikasa’s words. The strength of the tone suggests authorial Narrative to me, which makes it very hard to see this moment as something negative.

The claim that Eren doesn’t listen to her because he brushes her aside is directly contradicted by the next panel, where Eren repeats her words and shows how they have resonated with him. I find the forcefulness of Eren’s shaking off to just be the forcefulness of his feelings.

Moreover, can anyone argue that Eren did the wrong thing here? Had he decided to renounce violence instead of punching Dina, he, Mikasa, and the entirety of the Survey Corps would have been devoured on the spot. linkspooky appears to argue that violence is incompatible with kindness, but Eren is now protecting Mikasa with violence precisely because of his kindness.

The meta claims that Eren telling Mikasa he’s always hated her proves that he forgot the lesson he learned here, but both I and linkspooky agree that Eren is lying in that scene to put her at a safe distance. If they mean to argue that Eren is neglecting his kindness for the sake of fighting, I restate my argument that he is fighting out of that kindness.

linkspooky also makes the claim that Eren forgot the lesson he learned from Armin’s death, which was that Armin was worth more than him because he pursued freedom instead of just clinging onto his hatred. I think I have already sufficiently argued that Eren has developed past blind hatred and now fights for genuine freedom.

Armin’s Reason for Self-Sacrifice

The meta claims that Armin sacrificed himself out of a sense of inadequacy and a need to prove himself. This, I find, is an insecurity Armin overcame in Chapter 11, where Eren and Mikasa tell him his worth up front.

My understanding of Armin’s sacrifice is that he was acting in accordance with his doctrine that those who cannot sacrifice anything can never hope to gain anything.

Historia Representing What Eren Thinks He Wants and Mikasa Representing What He Really Wants

It is unfortunate that the phrasing makes this sound like a rather immature ship war comment, but I’ll assume that ‘Historia’ here means ‘Eren’s vision of the future as represented by Historia’s hand’.

Even then, to argue that a deliberate contrast is drawn between these images is, I think, lacking in evidence. Had Isayama wanted to do that, he surely would have juxtaposed these images against each other. But instead there is an ample amount of space between them.

As for the nature of the scarf scene, for that I have already given my interpretation in the previous part.

Eren and Zeke’s Bonds

linkspooky argues that the difference between Zeke and Eren is that while Zeke values the connections he doesn’t have, Eren doesn’t value the connections he does have. I think the first half is very insightful, but I strongly disagree with the second. Rather I think the difference between them is more simply that Eren does value the connections which he does have.

Because I believe he is fighting to defend those loved ones, I could never make the claim that he does not appreciate them. Those bonds are so important to him that he is willing to trash them in order to preserve them. While that may seem paradoxical, it reminds me of this line from Bakemonogatari: 

“I care about my debt to you more than our friendship”.

linkspooky’s argument, however, is that while Eren wants to defend his friends, it’s entirely in a selfish capacity and he does not think of them as free human agents, as he never allows their words to get through to him.

I’ve argued in my attached meta about how one can only ever really look out for one’s own freedom, but in the first place, I think the argument that Eren never listens to anyone else or allows them to reach him is factually incorrect. He listened to Historia, as proven in Isayama’s interview. He listened to Petra in taking her advice to rely on his comrades, and only changed his mind based on the consequences.

Annie reached him by shaking his black-and-white conception of the world and making him want to understand his enemies for the first time. Reiner reached him as a kindred spirit which he recognised in Chapter 100.

He listened to Shadis:

And his newfound emphasis of being ‘born into this world’ suggests he listened to Carla through him as well.

But for the sake of argument, let’s suppose that Eren doesn’t treat his loved ones like people. How does prioritising his desires over his friends make him ‘weak’, as linkspooky claims? I understand how fear of losing them might make him so, but it seems that selfishness is being argued as a form of weakness in this meta as well.

Throughout the ages there have been many attempts to conflate the Strong/Weak system of values with the system of Good/Evil, but I think all of us understand on an instinctual level that ‘strength’ is nothing more than a measure of power – a single unarmed titan is undoubtedly stronger than a single unarmed human. Yielding your own Will to the Will of others is surely an indication of submission rather than strength, no matter how moral it may be. Power can only be found in the pursuit of one’s own Will to Power.

Eren failed to save his mother because he wasn’t strong enough. Lying down and accepting the death or enslavement of his loved ones would be every inch as weak.

So then, let us continue to suppose that Eren does not appreciate his connections. If this is true, Zeke is in no ways different. He does not unconditionally value the connections he doesn’t have: he hated Grisha precisely because his love for him was highly conditional.

The same is true of Zeke’s love for Eren. Zeke is not treating Eren as a free individual despite his disagreements as the meta claims - he is keeping Eren trapped in the Path Dimension until he comes around to his point of view. The claim that he cannot bring himself to manipulate Eren is also untrue, because if that were the case he would have told Eren that the one with royal blood is the one who commands Ymir-Sama – but he didn’t, because he was manipulating him.

It is true that Zeke could have activated the euthanasia immediately, but he has no need to in a place of infinite time. His determination to convince Eren beforehand just illustrates his manipulative nature even further, as he cannot tolerate disagreement in his loved ones.

He talks of ‘healing’ and ‘saving’ Eren, as though he were a lost lamb in need of enlightenment rather than an individual of opposing desires. His only explanation for their differences is that Eren has been brainwashed. When Zeke finds out that Eren chose this path freely, his love is completely replaced by fear and he tries to activate the euthanasia without Eren’s consent.

There is nothing unconditional about Zeke’s love.

The meta also claims that Eren is showing Zeke his happy childhood in order to mock him. But that is not the case at all - Eren is largely silent for that portion of Grisha’s memories, only speaking up in an effort to cut it short. The only one making observations about Eren’s happy childhood is Zeke.

linkspooky considers the above panel to be Eren mocking Zeke, but I find it to just be Eren laying down in no uncertain terms that he’s not the willess child everyone keeps assuming him to be, that he does have a will of his own and he does act on it.

The Meaning of Carla’s Words

linkspooky claims that Eren is misinterpreting Carla’s words by feeling the need to prove that he is special despite already being special from being born into this world. It was precisely those words, however, that broke Eren out of that delusion – again, in the Uprising Arc.

The fact that Eren has become what-is-called-special regardless is an example of the loop that I describe in the attached meta. He is no longer fighting out of the need to be special (and this is perhaps what has made him truly special, as opposed to someone like Keith), but because, as he says, he was born into this world - and he wants to preserve the ability of Eldians to live the kind of ordinary lives Carla envisioned.

If Zeke has his way, no Eldian will ever be born into this world again. If Marley have their way, the Paradis Eldians will be wiped from the face of this world. The Survey Corps’ way would subject Historia to a life of enslavement, and, with the withdrawal of Hizuru’s aid, is no longer feasible. It is only Eren’s way which values their being born and allows Eldians to live free lives.

Kruger wants Grisha both to fight for Eldia and to live a loving family life. They are not mutually exclusive.

Eren’s Happy Childhood

The claim that Eren does not value others because he had a childhood where he was unconditionally loved omits everything that happened to him after he was ten years old, when his parents were brutally snatched from him, his neighbours were massacred and his hometown was destroyed.

He openly expresses regret over not having appreciated his mother enough, and, just as linkspooky argues, his powerlessness at her death was a major cause of insecurity. In the Crystal Cave he also believed that his father manipulated him into a terrible destiny. Eren is no stranger to parental issues either.

Freedom as the Freedom to Not Get What You Want

I find this claim directly contradicts the definition of freedom, which I go over in my attached meta, and thus renders it a meaningless term.

Symbolism of Eren in Chains

Eren does frequently wind up enchained or imprisoned, but the real value of the symbolism is the fact that Eren invariably escapes from his confinements. The chains depicted in linkspooky’s argument are broken by Eren in the very next chapter.

Rather than representing his enslavement, those broken chains demonstrate his successful struggle for freedom.

The Manga Is Calling for Him to be Stopped

Characters are calling for him to be stopped, because as argued in the attached meta, freedom is a terrifying thing. If we want to find the authorial Narrative, we should investigate it through symbolism, and it’s difficult to read Eren breaking his chains as an image of enslavement.

Well, in many, many words, I hope I’ve successfully explained my position. Well done for getting to the end! I do it for my boi Ereh.

[chaoticsoulsword]

My thoughts on “A Boy and His DC-700XE” and “Cornonation”

As usual, two things to be considered before I start: this is a perspective from a Stomco shipper and, thus, is purely my opinion, which doesn’t mean it’s the only possible to interpret these episodes. Feel free to respectfully disagree.

I couldn’t be happier, honestly. I knew we would get some quality time between Marco and Tom, but that good? This is a bless. First, because Marco was the one who invited Tom. Wouldn’t it be weird? Spending some quality time with your crush’s boyfriend? Not if they build a solid bond of trust, which they totally did. And I’m only considering canon. But we also need to consider all the subtle plots and hits that have been punching us on the face since the beginning of season 4. I’ll get there, just hold that thought.

I’m so proud of Tom as well. He admires Marco so much. He respects him. There’s no hatred or rivalry anymore. You may say that Tom was trying to be as cool as Marco, and that’s jealousy, but is it, though? I’d say it’s not. Tom is trying to be as cool as Marco because he admires Marco as a role model. You see, Tom can fly and throw fire balls, yet these abilities don’t make him feel cool, which tells me there’s lots of insecurity lurking his mind and self esteem. And how was he able to overcome this fear? Exactly, with Marco’s help, telling him to be himself. It doesn’t matter if you do things that people consider not cool enough. You’re a great person already, no matter what you do. And that was the coolest “be yourself” we could ever think of. Thank you, Marco.

This advice made Tom rethink his priorities, which led him to free his dragoncycle and accept he’s not a cool rider like the rest of Marco’s group, but he’s cool on his own sweet, adorable dorky way. This is awesome because Tom tried to fit under pier pressure, but Marco never meant to put him under these circumstances. No one forced him to do things he didn’t want to. Tom was just trying to fit in because of his insecurity, and this is why it’s very important to have friends who support you in healthy ways.

Now, back to the subtleties (not so subtle, for our happiness). Marco confesses to Tom that Kelly is not his break-up buddy anymore. I feel that they were creating a sweet connection, but maybe this decision can be explained by their common feeling of loss towards someone whom they deeply cared about. When you lost such a deep connection, you’re very vulnerable and confused, which may cloud and mix things up depending on how you try to overcome this loss. This is a normal process of empathy, we tend to approach people with common tastes and experiences so we feel understood. This would explain why Marco and Kelly were getting along. But she didn’t handle their break-up lightly, it seems. Her lines with Hekapoo show that she feels some sort of resentment. On the other hand, Marco looks fine. But what triggered her to act so meanly? The word “lovebirds”. Yes, she was jealous over Marco and Tom, having this bonding time together. Kelly noticed Marco was moving on without her. She obviously felt left behind, which is totally comprehensive.

It could be a misunderstanding, you may say. Yes, it could, if it hadn't been for “Cornonation”. You see, Star is really worried about Eclipsa’s coronation and the sudden trouble with Globgor. Marco then decides to keep the crowd entertained. It’s his turn and he’s very nervous to perform, but look closely. Guess who will perform by his side? Exactly.

I’m not sure if “Love Sentence” is the name of the group or the music, but what is really important here is: “Nothing could tear us apart”. I don’t know about you guys, but it’s clear to me that Tom and Marco are sharing a very romantic moment through this duet.

Now, friendly reminder that “The Knight Shift” gave us a Starco precious moment when their crest capes became a heart when united, which totally means the Blood Moon has never defined their bond. It is truly natural. But their relationship is still shaken due to the last episodes. So who could bring Marco back to Star?

That’s right. The answer is Tom. It was just inevitable. Marco felt he didn’t belong to this family hug, but the moment they both approached and developed this bond, Tom felt he was his duty to bring Marco closer. And Star is so happy. She is surrounded by every single person she loves. Things are still a bit weird, but Tom is the bridge to bring all the three of them together.

Finally, let’s just check one final thing before we conclude they finally formed the perfect OT3.

Eclipsa is singing a romantic duet along with the love of her life and their beloved baby.

Plus, look at how Ruberiot and Foolduke look at each other. They are very proud of the queen and her family, mostly because they know the meaning of love. They’re feeling love’s all around.

Lastly, a family hug.

You may think, “Oh, but that’s just a hug family. Moon and River consider Marco a son, and Tom pulled him because they’re very good friends”. So let me ask you, “Where’s Janna”? Wasn’t she right near Marco and Tom, pushing Globgor to join Eclipsa’s song? Isn’t she practically living with Star and the others? Yes, she’s a good friend. She is very important to them. But this moment was meant for them. She gets it. And I truly believe it was scene highly planned by the svfoe crew.

Concluding, I believe this moment sealed the three of them together. I don’t know what is going to happen after this episode, but if everything goes wrong, this is my happy ending. And I’m very pleased. This show is very precious and meaningful, words can’t describe my feelings right now.

[remushisahoshi]

🖤💜Henry Is Better Than Your Fave and Here's Why🖤💜

I can make any argument on why Henry is better than your fave. I'm gonna make a few examples and I can add more to fight your fave.

1.) Hector

So people like Hector a lot because he is a big swole man who can protect you and he is freakishly handsome and confident about himself, right? Literally Henry is all that (minus the swole but he doesn't need to be swol bean to be best bean)

Henry can defend you with his insanely powerful magical abilities. He knows pretty much everything about curses and could kill anyone who even does so much as to look at you wrong. If you want a man to protect you, Henry is your guy.

And you want a handsome boi who is confident about himself? Henry is the most handsome jou of them all! He knows how good his magic is and pretty confident about his abilities as a dark mage and as a hexer. He never doubts his magic and never doubts his ability to kill. Yet Again, Henry is your guy.

You know what Henry has that Hector doesn't? Forced and restrained marraige. You cant marry Hector in his game, but you can marry Henry. Sure, none of the possible S rank pairs Hector has are canon, but none of them are you.

Henry is better than your fave.

2.) Marth

So Marth is a fan favorite because he is the OG protagonist, right? He is also charming, strong, modest, regal, and a pretty boy. Guess what? Henry is Charming, Strong, and a Pretty Boy too. He may not be regal nor royal, but he never is too overbearing about his abilities and accomplishments.

Henry is heckin charming. Like, he would be more than happy to takw a crow feather and weave it in your hair, compliment your smile and eyes, compliment your valor on the battlefield, comment how gorgeous you look when you jave the blood of your wnemies splattered all over you, exetera. He is more than happy to compliment you, help you out with literally any task, and make you feel special. If you want a charming fella, Henry is your guy.

Henry is like sooooo pretty. Like his white hair and pale skin is such a nice contrast to his deep purple and peweter gray garments lined with gold designs. He doesnt use unbearable colors (using a base of maybe three or four colors) and he is a skinny yet tol boi. He's just really pretty a f his smile is pretty and when he opens his eyes they are pretty. Henry is a really pretty boi.

You know what Marth has? A canon wife. He and Caeda are canon and in love. Marth already had the love of his life. You know what Marth doesnt have? Free time for you. He is busy running a kingdom and fighting there is no time for romance and he would be stressed. Henry doesnt deal with either of those.

Henry is better than your fave.

3.) Niles

Niles is a flirtatious bisexual tan man who is ruggedly handsome and very feline-like. He is also a bad boy~ He works as a retainer to Leo and has a tragic past. Guess what? Henry is handsome, kinda cat-like if yoh stretch it, a bad boy, and has an even more tragic past than Niles. His sexuality is also uncertain but that doesn't exactly matter...

So the tragic backstory part! Yeah, Henry' parents neglected him alot so he used to spend time in the woods where a white wolf basically became hos surrogate (right word?) Mother, but a hunter shot her before his eyes so he had a magical awakening and unleashed unheard of black magic that was more powerful than anyone had ever seen, so the parents sent him away. Depending on the localization, it was either to an Orphanage or Wizard School where nobody liked him and he had no friends because he was too weird. That's where he started making friends with the crows that always hung around the school and diving into the dark arts on his own. He learned to smile to make everyone believe he was fine and stay away because he knew they wanted to. So if you're into boys with a tragic backstory, Henry is your man.

You want a bad boy? I can give you a bad boy, and his name is Henry. Dark Mage? Evil magic and always tampering with the dead and laughing in the face of danger? He is a MEGA bad boy! But yoy are probably thinking the rebellious and sexy kind of bad boy. Henry's american localization could easily go yandere so he could be a bad boy if you really wanted him to be. He also countless times in supports he offers to kill Chrom: Leader of the Shepards. That's pretty bad and rebellious to me just saying. Henry could be a bad boy.

You know what Henry has that Niles doesn't have? Magic. Niles can't cast awesome spells, summon risen, or turn people into toads. He can't kill a person without having a single scratch on their body. You know what else Niles doesn't have? The ability to be a good Dad. Nina hates her father, but in every single ending of Awakening if Henry is married it says he was a surprisingly good father. No daddy issues whatsoever.

Henry is better than your fave.

4.) Claude

So I actually haven't played three houses yet so I am going off heroes and the spoilers I read but trust me Henry is better than Claude.

Claude is a very tricky boy. He likes to set traps and do a sneak and he is heckin bisexual. He is an EXTREMELY pretty boy and, let's face it, a better Niles and he's on horseback! But wanna know a secret? Henry is a tricky boy too. He is very pretty, like said before, and I am having a sudden blank on the mind because it's eleven at night but HERE WE GO!

Henry is a tricky little bastard, just like Claude. Henry literay did go behind everyone's back and learn how to summon risen after all. He also has all his crow friends he can have fetch stuff and steal stuff for him. He is also a playful little bastard if you couldn't tell from his, for a lack of better words, immature personality. He scares Ricken for fun and traded bodies with Sumia just for fun and went on a joyride in her body in his supports with them respectively. He is a fun, tricky little shit and I love him.

Guess what Henry has that Claude doesn't have? Burdens of being a royal and insecurities about it. Insecurities aren't cute. They are little hatreds people have to face and overcome to have a good self image. If people think that's cute then they are messed up. Claude needs to go on that journey with himself while Henry went on that journey and overcame it now. Henry doesn't have repression issues. It's okay to want to help out with someone's issues, but it ain't okay to fetishize it like I know a lot of people do with characters like Claude. Just a PSA. But that doesn't make Henry a better character, just a more internally developed one. And because od his self-development....

Henry is better than your fave.

I know that last one was sloppy but it still stands. Who wants to fight next? I am ready.

[akalittlevoice]

A CHILD'S LIFE

The story of nine-year-old Jamel Myles, who died by suicide because he was bullied about being gay, still makes me sad and angry. I saw pictures of his innocent little joyful face. I’m trying hard to wrap my head around the thought process of a nine-year-old deciding and planning to kill himself. And I can’t understand the social media comments that lashed out at others who shared stories of knowing they were gay as a child. “What is wrong with you? That’s too young” was a common reply in reference to people realizing they were gay at a young age, as if realizing they were gay directly translated into something sexual.

I remember feeling so grown up in the fourth grade. I recall knowing that my father was a sharp dresser and that all my little friends were charmed by him when he came to my school, which gave me instant clout. I remember putting a tack on my teacher’s chair because I didn’t like her. All of my fourth-grade classmates cheered me on. When she asked who did it, I raised my hand and took my punishment like a G.

I remember liking a boy in my class named Bobby Brown, and crying after he sent me a note to ask if I liked him back. I was overcome with emotion at the tender age of eight. I remember summer school sewing classes where I was meticulous about choosing the fabric and trim of my project. Obviously, this would be my masterpiece. I had what I thought was a fully functioning, almost grown up mind in the fourth grade.

The point is, I was fully aware of who I thought I was, and how much I belonged and was accepted in my fourth grade world. I was aware of how cute Bobby Brown was and how I liked him. I was drawn to him. I’m certain that if I’d been drawn to Betty Brown I would have known that too. Kids know who they’re drawn to, attracted to, and want to be friends with, without it being sexual. Kids also learn what “normal” is when they’re seen as outside of “normal” and conversely, how to attack anything outside of the norm.

If you were straight you didn’t think anything of it, but I’m certain a gay or trans child recognizes that they are on the outside of what’s deemed acceptable. They already see it in the world around them. They watch television and play video games. They overhear conversations and they see reactions. They know. And the fact that this child knew himself, decided to be proud of himself, was unafraid to share his true self and was ridiculed to the point of death, shakes me to my core. This innocent child didn’t deserve the hate he received. The children that pushed him to the point of suicide, and actually told him to kill himself didn’t deserve to be taught that kind of hatred either.

Why do people see the word “gay” and immediately jump to making it sexual? Being gay is not just about sex. Why do people fixate on that? As a Manhattan Mini Storage billboard that I oftentimes drove by, on the Westside Highway, suggested, “If you don’t like gay marriage, then don’t get gay married?”

The same goes for gay sex. If you don’t like it you don’t have to have it or even worry about it. Are you walking around worrying about the sex that straight strangers are having? If so, stop it because that’s weird.

Let people be. Stop judging, ridiculing, telling them to smile, how they should dress, commenting on the size and shape of their bodies or who they should have sex with. As long as everyone is consenting and no one’s being harmed, just let people be who they are. And stop projecting your insecurities, prejudices and outdated beliefs onto them. Shutting up and minding your business is free.99.

[myheartislookingforyoualways]

04.01.2021

Dear G,

Today would have the been the day that I had planned on emailing . To think of the difference what a (few) days makes is an understatement . I can’t even begin to express my absolute and complete gratitude at being able to be back in your life and being able to have the grace of your forgiveness and the warmth of your love again. I feel like I finally am back home in your heart after all this time. I remember how anxious I was before I emailed you. For days and days and days I counted down that calendar and I got worked up I couldn’t even sleep. So many things going through my head. So many hopes. So fears. So many emotions. But anxiety. I think now of where I was emotionally and mentally when I read your tumblr and I think of how far I’ve come from those two days ago. I really feel like in the past few days I’ve had a breakthrough. Yes I did of course not like reading your tumblr posts that night.  I did have my moment of spiraling, old ways of behavoiur are so entrenched  that it is so easy to just click into them without even a thought. Then you know what ? I just accepted the way i felt and thought of the best course of action given what I was feeling. It was the right one. Mmmmm I crying . Tears of joy though. I just started to write to you and I didn’t stop until I had everything I would ever want to say to you if it was the last thing that you ever read of mine with your beautiful brown eyes. But at least I would know that I gave my entire heart and energy to telling you just how much you mean to me and you’re the love of my life and my soulmate. Like I said, I had no expectations, I was completely open and had already accepted that I may have had to love you from afar. For however long . It didn’t matter. You’re the love of my life and my last love. I want to die with you and find you again in our next life together. 

Then i went to bed. Went to sleep. There was a strange feeling of quiet in me. I just ached but I knew I had done all I could . I did everything i said I could and would. I unabashedly asked you back into my life and I completely and fully asked to be back in yours. It was at least complete that much. The rest I left to you and I went to sleep not knowing what would happen. Oh god . I’m crying again .I’m laughing too and smiling . Don’t worry I’m not losing it . I’m just sober. I realize I really am a sensitive emotional person all the time. I really am happy to be exactly who I want to be and to know who i don’t want to be. Then just focus on the positive. With you I feel safe to be me and with you I’m home. But i’m sidetracked. I woke up around 1030 after not sleeping and I checked my phone right away . I looked for your email . I scrolled so fast I missed it. i locked the phone and was going to go back to sleep . But then I checked one more time and there you were . You’re beautiful name . I opened it and started to cry . Tears of joy. Just complete and utter joy at being able to read something you wrote and to be able to hear your voice . I was just in such a state of warmth of being after being out in the cold for so long. Then I started to write to you. So much . So many things I wanted to say to you . My best friend. I took so long to write that first email back to you I was crying so much. 

It was a blessing to be able to read those words. I heard you speak every word when I read it. It was like we hadn’t even been apart a second . It was all there. You . Me. Our Love. Our dream. Our story. I just couldn’t have been any happier. I really didn’t know if you would email me back . But we did. Again and again and again. Then when you didn’t  I waited . I waited for you to email me again. I was here for you and I will always be here for you. I told myself this so many times before we even were in contact again . I told myself I would wait for you . Forever if I had to . But I would have if you hadn’t of emailed me back. The one thing that I want to always do with you from now on is always be here for you. You call me I pick up. You msg me I message back . You need me . I always here. You tell me what you need . I will do my best to provide . You tell what you don’t want . I will steer clear of those things. I am just happy to be in your life and I am also focussed and committed to you and to us. I’m also set on making sure we take this at your pace, at your comfort level, at your boundary points, at your control. For too long in our relationship I took the control away from you. No more. No more my love. You are in control of this. It is your choice always. You’re right. Forgiving is the healthy choice. So is not forgetting the pain of those last few weeks and the pain I caused. I am grateful that you have forgiven me. By forgiving me I think I will be able to forgive myself. Some days are better than others. But i’m peace in the fact that you, the love of my life, has fogiven me. I don’t want to ever forget either where both of our rock bottom moments in our relationship together and as well our relationships with ourselves. I will never forget it because I never want to go there ever again. That is a door that I want to remain closed on myself and on us for as long as I’m alive. It’s ok to look through the windows and see whats in there but I refuse to simply even open it , let alone put one toe or finger inside. I am here and I am thankful I am here for you. Every day of my struggle to get back to us was a struggle worth fighting for . I did that . That was me . I fucking did that. For me. Then for us. I am here and I always will be now and forever.

Now that I am here and had a few days of the most restful sleep ever. Peaceful i n the knowledge that we once again dream the same dream, the work continues. The path is long. This is just beginning. You know it and I know it. Now more than ever now that I am back in your heart, and where I want to spend the rest of my days, I will relentlessly and tirelessly work on not just understanding my faults, my defects of character, my trauma, my insecure attachments, my addictions, my self sabotage, I will learn why I have them, I will accept them and accept myself, I will then unlearn them and replace with healthy positive behavoirs, I will reconcile the parts of me that I don’t like and change them into the best person i can be.  This is never going to end and I know that. This is a lifelong path of health, sobriety and understanding. The work will never be over, I will never one day be cured of being an alcoholic, I will never one day stop being a drug addict, I will never one not be the adult child of trauma, I will never one day not have to every day fight for myself and protect the person that I want to be against sliding back into old toxic habits, old negative ways of acting, and the old no longer needed me. That’s ok. I look forward to each and every day. I am not perfect. Far from it . But I know where i want to go . I know the path I want to take. I know each and every day I want to get just a bit more better just enough so that I keep adding the joy into my life and to the ones around me that I love dearly. You my love I love dearly with all my heart. You are the love of my life. I know that like like I know the inside of my soul. Nothing could ever change my love for you. What can change and should change is how i love you and how we love each other. So many decades of insecurities, fears, self doubt, self sabotage, self hatred pity, anger, shame , regret that i will overcome everyday. I through being of my own life, I’m done being my own worst. I here for me. I’m my own biggest hero. I am going to take back what is mine and has been mine in my life. My choice to always do the best and be the best person I can be. I deserve love and happiness. I’m going to get it. Yes there will bad days . Tough days . Hard days . But nothing ever worthwhile was easy. Change isn’t easy. Accceptance isn’t easy. Fighting against old patterns isn’t easy. But its worth it. I’m worth. 

What is easy is loving you . I love you like I breath. I adore you and cherish you like a treasure in my life. I am always for you and for us from now on. I want to to tell you again that you my love do not need to ever feel guilty for anything. My addiction is not your burden. You leaving me gave me eyes to see me in the cold light of day. Rock bottom and a active drug addict that had lost the love of his life so he could have nothing but his fears, shame, regret and pain. I will never forget that and I will always be grateful to you. Yes i did the work . Yes it was me. But also yes in that act of love you showed a way I could have never seen before. You showed me a mirror. I didn’t like looking at it. I desperately knew I wanted to be happy and change. 

So my love I am here and will always be here. You take as much time as you need . Healing still has to happen. You take it as slow as you want . You need to protect your inner child. You guard your heart until you no longer fear being hurt again. You listen and check my words against my actions. For too long my actions haven’t matched my words. You question me as much as you want. I will be here to answer. You tell me what you need . I will do my best to provide . I will be here for it all. I will be here for everything. I am going to be loving you and be in your life. I am going to ask you to rise in love with me each and every day through our actions, by choosing to love each other in a healthy safe and secure way. I am dreaming the same dream as you again. One day we’ll have a home for us again. Not just in hearts, but a place for you and for me and for princesita. Until then I am here and your heart is all need to feel like I have finally after all this time have returned home and can now rest.

I cherish you

You are the love of my life

You are my soulmate

I am always going to be here for you 

Forever and Day

[royalpains-roleplay]

Pilot Program Males - Unavailable

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝ I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath. ❞

✗ — Name: Blake Sutherland. ✗ — Age: 22. ✗ — Kingdom: Netherlands. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Blake was never popular for his ability to socialize, and his father didn’t have all that much faith in him as a ruler because of it. He was awkward, never socializing or making friends like other kids did. He was very shy and quiet, often avoiding other royals. With his depressive nature he tends to look at the darker side of things. Despite Blake’s depression and stress, he has a very bad habit of putting on a good show in front of his few friends, or in that case, Bre, the princess who was set to marry someone else. He comes off as sarcastic, humorous and tends to talk quite a bit when he gets nervous.

— Biography; Blake was the only one of his siblings who survived infancy. His mother often said his family was cursed in more ways than one. His father had been over the moon excited when Blake survived against all odds. Of course, the damage had already done. Expectations were far too high on his father’s part, and for his mother, she had lost so many children she couldn’t bring herself to become attached to another one. When Blake presented himself as rather awkward, shy and completely lacking the confidence and luster needed to navigate royal life, his father soon became cold and harsh. He tried his best to mold Blake into the son he wanted, but Blake just seemed to be stunted in that sense. He couldn’t be the perfect royal, couldn’t even face a camera or manage his way through any sort of interview. He was good at learning and reciting the information shared with him on how to be a royal, but never good at practicing it. His father never hit him, but the pressure was always there, only causing Blake to further isolate himself, becoming less and less like the ideal royal. With the isolation came loneliness, and the pain of being practically rejected by those he wanted to love him, he grew incredibly depressed. Years of being seen by psychiatrists and therapists didn’t help him. When he was nineteen, it all became too much and he ended up making a very serious and nearly successful attempt on his own life. His attempt was made public, and his parents could no longer try their hardest to hide his struggles with mental illness with quiet visits to the psychiatrist. They had him admitted to a hospital that specialized in several fields, but mostly keeping their mouths shut. It was there that Blake met a girl who was getting a check-up to see if her remission was holding. He recognized her as the princess of Russia, someone he’d seen at a few balls. They became friends over a few weeks, while he remained admitted and she frequently came in for testing. And he soon came to crush on her. He was delighted when they ended up in the pilot program together, of course he soon found out she could never be with him. His nature didn’t change much, but he made some efforts to try and make friends. When he was sent home from the initial pilot program, his parents were unsatisfied and had him sent back as soon as it reopened.

✗ Secret; Blake attempted suicide at nineteen.

「 Faceclaim: Dylan O’Brien. 」

» ; ♛ ❮CLOSED❯

Character quote: ❝ I've lost who I am and I can't understand. ❞

✗ — Name: Benjamin Claeys. ✗ — Age: 21. ✗ — Kingdom: Belgium. ✗ — Sexuality: Heterosexual.

— Personality; Ridden with insecurities, Ben has a bad habit of acting cocky and narcissistic in order to ensure that no one ever finds out about how deep rooted his emotional turmoil and self-hatred runs. Ben has a bad habit of being loyal, to the point where he’ll stick by the sides of his family and friends, even if they wrong him in some way shape or form. Such as how he tries to defend his father despite everything he’s done to him. He doesn’t like the idea of abandoning others and has a very soft kind-hearted side that he hates showing. He aspires to help people and do good for the world, whether by being a King or fulfilling his dream of being a doctor. Benjamin feels the weight of a great deal of guilt for abandoning his siblings to stay with his father.

— Biography; Benjamin was one of the youngest of the several siblings. His parents were definitely a big fan of having several heirs. He was smack in the middle of several sisters and brothers. His father was the reigning King of Belgium, and his mother was the princess of another country. He wanted all the power to stay in his family which is why he had so many children. His parents barely had time for him, so he was mostly left to his own devices, looking out for himself, some of his younger siblings and also trying to become the perfect royal. Grappling for the throne like the rest of most of his older siblings did. While his father held weight on who would be chosen, he knew if he won the hearts of the people, he could become King and overcome his neglecting family. His father was a bad King, a horrible father and an abusive man. Everyone seemed to know it too. There was tabloid after tabloid sent out of his siblings and his mother with injuries. Some suggested his father had been the person who’d caused them, but most of those stories were quickly snuffed out. The worse thing that had happened was when he was twenty. He was discussing something with his mother. Something about a marriage proposal and just like that his father busted in. He started beating Benjamin and his mother just watched. He was beaten to the point of near death, and he was hospitalized for months. When he finally got out, he decided that was it. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. Before he’d stayed for his little siblings, but he couldn’t manage it. Not when his elder siblings were vultures and his father was a horrible man. So, when word caught his ear of the Royal Pains pilot program, he applied. He wasn’t exactly known to be wild like many other royals, but he had enough scandal that they accepted him and hoped to “rehabilitate” him into royal life. He quite took to it there, enjoying it even. Though anything was better than his home. Being sent back when it shut down was horrid, and he could tell right away that nothing had changed at home. He avoided his family enough to prevent any other instances, and quickly went running back when it reopened. Benjamin has the awful habit of pretending to be cocky so the insecurities his father had instilled were not apparent. He doesn’t like the idea of abandoning others and has a very soft kind-hearted side that he hates showing. Benjamin is very sweet, but he tries not to show that side. He aspires to be a doctor when he is older. Benjamin came to desire a woman named Elena at the academy. She didn’t fall for his cocky side and instantly called it out on him, which attracted and excited him in a few ways. She was a challenge and a mystery. It intrigued him.

✗ Secret; His father was almost the reason for Ben’s death.

「 Faceclaim: Daniel Sharman. 」

[funkymbtifiction]

The Walking Dead: Glenn Rhee [INFJ]

UNOFFICIAL TYPING BY: anonymous

Introverted Intuition (Ni): Glenn is a sentimental at heart, who likes to keep objects that symbolize his values and the people in his life that he loves. When Hershel gives him a pocket watch, he keeps it with him all the time afterwards. At first, he doesn’t totally understand what it means, but when he asks for Hershel’s blessing to marry Maggie, he tells him that it is a symbol of the fact that their time alive could suddenly end at any moment because they are living in the zombie apocalypse, so their future is uncertain. When he finds out that Maggie is pregnant with their first child, Glenn feels afraid at first because he knows that Lori died giving birth, and his wife was the one to deliver the baby for her. However, he overcomes his fears when they get separated again in season four, realizing they can’t just be afraid to be alive, and comes to see having a child as a wonderful opportunity to build a family with Maggie. Although he is not a very religious person, or one who has ever claimed to believe in god at all, Glenn has been seen praying to god in on some occasions of great desperation and fear, and he tells Maggie that he’ll “find her” from beyond the grave, so he does seem to feel some sort of faith in a higher power and believe that there is life beyond death, even if he’s not totally certain of what that exactly entails. This last part of his Ni-dom function works in tandem with his Fe-aux function, but Glenn often intuitively sees things in other people that they don’t see in themselves. For instance, he sees that Maggie has a lot more strength to survive on her own than she initially believes herself to be capable of, and he helps her come to realize this when they fall in love. He takes a high-risk chance on helping Tara because he needs her help to find Maggie, and some instinct deep inside him tells him that she is a good person worth helping. Surprisingly, Glenn is right, and the two become best friends.

Extroverted Feeling (Fe): Glenn is by far one of the most remarkably caring, ethical, loving, and selfless members of the main cast. However, in spite of his good nature, his strength to do the right thing, fight back adversity, and survive the apocalypse do not really come from any sort of self-reliant internal strength, an internalized set of personal values, or a ‘gut’ feeling of the moment based ethical decision-making process, like an Fi-type. No, Glenn’s good nature and strength are based around the feelings of other people. He doesn’t learn to fight back adversity, and stick up for himself until he finds the strength to do so through true love with Maggie by starting a relationship and family with her. Before that, he was essentially the main group’s errand boy and “walker bait,” but Maggie’s love made him realize that lhis life was actually worth fighting for again. He spares the lives of most people, even if they are acting like jerks, like Nicholas, because he knows that in another life that they were good people, who would have done the same thing for him. He knows that everyone is just trying to survive in the apocalypse, and that the people who act like cowards in this world, probably weren’t that way before the world went to shit. Even though it greatly angers and saddens him, he is willing to forgive the cowardice of the Alexandrian people that he takes on supply runs with him when they leave other people in their group behind when they are hurt or stuck in compromising situations that will slow the rest of the group down because he wants to believe that humanity can change for the better. Glenn finally kills living people for the first time in the series in season six when he absolutely has to do so in the Savior’s camp for the sake of defending his group, and he is seriously uncomfortable about having to do it because he cries the whole time. Although he is willing to forgive the people who hurt him, he refuses to forgive the people who hurt Maggie, and/or anyone else in his group, who he is close to. He refused to forgive Merle, not because he hurt him and took him to the Governor, but because he also took Maggie to the Governor, “a man, who humiliated her and terrorized her,” and Glenn “cares more about her than he does himself.” He even goes through a reckless period of wanting to get revenge on the Governor for terrorizing and humiliating Maggie in S3 afterwards. Glenn also has an amazing ability to see, predict, and bring out all of the potential for good things hidden underneath other people’s fears, insecurities, and temptations to make the wrong choices, like with Rick, Daryl, Maggie, and Tara. This is his primary Ni-Fe functions working together in tandem.

Introverted Thinking (Ti) In Glenn’s debut episode of the series in S1, he shows Rick and the rest of his group in Atlanta a map that he has created, which show all of the exits and tunnels under the sewers of the city that are (mostly) clear of zombies. He has created a system that can help them all escape through the sewer system. He quickly figured out how to hot-wire a car, and siphon gas from others when he needed it. At this point in the series, he is not very adept at fighting off walkers, or at sticking up for himself, but he seems to have survived as long as he has with his fairly strong ability to use internal logic. Still, Glenn’s Ti-function is in the weaker half of his stack of cognitive functions as an INFJ, so that means that it also sometimes comes out unhealthily at moments of self-hatred and self-doubt. He analyzes the things that he should have said and done in a situation with other people involved beforehand, but didn’t do at the time because he was too afraid, or not fast enough, and blames himself. In season two, Glenn blames himself for freezing up in a shootout with two outsiders, and not doing anything to help Rick, Daryl, and Hershel fight them back in the bar, even though he knew they were also armed at the time. Although it is never directly stated or shown outright in the series, there is strong evidence that Glenn unfairly blames himself for not being able to save Noah from those walkers that devoured him right in front of him in that revolving door, given the fact that he really did try his best to reach out to him and save his life before it was too late, and looking at just how upset he was over the whole ordeal afterwards.

Extroverted Sensing (Se): Extroverted sensing (Se) is the weakest of Glenn’s main cognitive functions as an INFJ, but it can be seen in his character in several moments throughout the series. Sure, Glenn never became the grizzled, ruthless, and dangerously threatening zombie apocalypse adversity killing-machine warriors that Daryl and particularly Rick became in the series, but he still adapted the necessary physical aggression and strength to fight back and survive adversity in the apocalypse pretty impressively. A big part of that is thanks to his Se-inferior function. He gave Merle a bloody nose when he was tied down to a chair, and getting beaten up by him. He successfully fought off a walker, while he was duct-taped and tied down to a chair in season three when he and Maggie got kidnapped by Merle and taken to the Governor by him. He was the main group’s primary supply runner throughout most of the series because he was well-known to be “quick on his feet,” and being really good at getting out of tough compromising life-or-death situations. He punched Abraham, a big, beefy, and strong former military seargeant, in the face, and actually almost beat him before they got pulled apart. Still, like I said before, Glenn’s Se function is the weakest of his four main cognitive functions as an INFJ, which means that it has often come out in moments throughout the series when he is unhealthily stuck in an Fe-Se loop. For instance, in S3, he goes through a reckless phase, after he and Maggie get kidnapped by the Governor, and their relationship starts to show some strain when Glenn finds out that Maggie took off her shirt because the Governor threatened for her to do it, or he would cut off Glenn’s hand. After this point in the series, Glenn goes through a bit of a reckless, vengeful, and blindly self-destructive Fe-Se loop phase. He tries to talk Michonne into teaming up with him to go and kill the Governor to get back at him for humiliating and terrorizing Maggie by sexually assaulting her. He gets frustrated when Hershel advises Rick and the rest of the group to keep Glenn away from the Governor and Woodbury for the time being because he is afraid that he is going to get himself and everyone around him killed with his blindly reckless anger and lust for vengeance. When the group listens to Hershel, and leave Glenn behind because they are afraid  that he could be a danger to himself and those in his group, he aggressively bludgeons a walker to death in his frustration. After the group convinces Glenn that they can’t just kill the Governor outright, he takes out his remaining frustration one last time against Merle albeit too aggressively when he tries to leave the prison to go and kill the Governor without the others’ permission, and then he starts to let go of his anger, makes up with Maggie, and come out of his Fe-Se loop.