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cherryblossomriot · 3 years

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i had a dream the other day that was basically a dinluke cowboy au and it has been HAUNTING me, so just allow me to deposit it upon you like my subconscious drop kicked it onto me:

Luke is a disabled veteran who has returned from war one hand lighter and several scars heavier. When he returns, his family, who are heavily involved in the politics/military of this fictional land, don’t understand his now jaded and melancholic view of both the world, but also the ideologies that they so strongly believe in, leading him to constantly feel like an outcast even among the people that he so dearly loves. They’re all passionate and strong-willed, but they still don’t understand, not his struggles with mental health or his new perspective, and it just makes things worse and worse and worse. Anakin is a general, and though he’s seen the gruesomeness of war firsthand, he’s also become desensitized to it and has anger-management issues, so he often almost finds a sort of refuge within the chaos of battle, so he clearly cannot even fathom the emotions and trauma that Luke is trying to sort through, much less know how to deal with them properly. Padme is a senator and cares deeply about the crimes and seemingly senseless violence occurring during the war, but she’s also a politician and knows how to play the long game, so when Luke comes to her, he leaves feeling misunderstood and pushed aside. Leia is the only one who seemingly understands, as the pair of them have a deep, intrinsic bond, but she doesn’t fully grasp Luke’s moods and doesn’t handle his breakdowns and flashbacks well. So everyone feels a little upset, a little unsettled, and a lot like they don’t understand why and how Luke has changed, which leads to Luke feeling more and more out of place within his own family. The war ends relatively soon after Luke’s return, which leads to parades which leads to awards which leads to balls and banquets, all of which Luke is forced to attend, his heart dragging but his head held high, because he’s an Amidala-Skywalker goddammit, and we have a certain responsibility and image to maintain to the public and everyone who endured so much. So Luke has to sit there through awards and boasts of glory and mentions of battle scars and it goes on and on and on, and he has to smile and bear it and accept the medal that they’re giving him because he did such a great service to his country and-he has a panic attack. A nasty one that leads to him having to flee from a ballroom, and outside to the gardens. Once he’s there, he realizes that he doesn’t want to go back in. At all. So he runs away. He just picks a direction and goes, stealing a car on the way (this is a modern au but also fictional countries because I don’t want to get into real politics, hooo boy no siree). In the middle of nowhere, he gets caught in a storm and basically crashes his car and passes out.

But when he wakes up! That’s when the fun begins.

He’s in this cozy sort of bedroom, and this hot guy is fast asleep in the chair beside his bed, and is that a little kid in his lap? Anyway, the hot guy wakes up, introduces himself as Din Djarin in the softest, most attractive voice Luke has ever heard with his own two ears, and doesn’t ask him where he’s from or what he was doing driving in the middle of bumfuck nowhere at 3 in the morning, so Luke is obligated to have a lil crush on him, even though he’s not sure about the kid. So he asks, and Din introduces him to his son Grogu, who waves at him and signs hello, because, as Din explains, he doesn’t speak much, and the foster system wasn’t too kind to him, so he’s got a little bit of trauma to work through. And Luke just, instantly falls in love with this soft dad and his cute little son who can shift his features from the biggest, most pleading puppy eyes ever to the face of a demented gremlin who will try to eat the frog he caught in the backyard, no matter how slimy it is, or how hard it tries to wriggle out of his hands. Din tells Luke that he can stay for however long he needs, because Luke’s kinda injured from his accident, and anyway, once he’s healed up, they always could use another hand on the farm. So Luke stays, and he meets all of Din’s other farm hands (and shitty friends). There’s Boba, who doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s always something slightly ominous and menacing, and Luke thinks that his name sounds familiar...hey wasn’t he on the news for robbing a couple banks a few years back?...no, surely not..., Fennec, who speaks even less than Boba, and manages to be far, far more intimidating, but also helps Luke with his prosthetic and gives him fun little tips that always sound more like she’s cut off a lot more limbs than she’s lost. Cara Dune (who is not gina carano but i digress) is also there, and she’s just constantly a harbinger of chaos, but will babysit Grogu whenever Din wants to brood and stare longingly into the distance (or at Luke who’s also brooding as the sun sets but shhh). Bo-Katan and the gang are there, and while Bo-Katan grumbles about how the old ranch boss had different/better methods on how to run things, she still follows Din’s lead and helps him with the finances and taxes. They all take to Luke like a wildfire, because Luke is a sunshine boy who can make friends with literally anyone and somehow manages to make Din not only smile but laugh, but also because they can tell he’s got a lot of trauma and pain bubbling just under the surface, and they all silently but collectively agreed a long time ago that they are the patron saints of troubled and lost souls.

When Luke gets better and starts to help out, he’s constantly upset with himself because he used to help out at his aunt and uncle’s farm in the summers when he was a kid, and he knows how to do this stuff, but his prosthetic is really throwing him off and his body has sustained a lot of other injuries that make doing manual labor a much more different experience than it used to be, but everyone is really patient with him and helps him out, especially Din. At one point, Din is so nice that Luke just loses it, because he doesn’t understand how Din can be so kind and so patient, and care about him so much, and kind of calls himself broken and useless in front of Din, and Din gets super protective and grabs his hands (real and prosthetic) and tells him that he’s not broken or useless, and you’re so sweet and wonderful, and can’t you see? Ever since you’ve been here, everyone’s been so much happier, so much lighter. You’ve brought something precious to us, but most of all to me. And they’re standing really close and for a second Luke thinks Din is going to kiss him, but instead, Luke realizes that he’s crying, and Din just wraps his arms around him and holds him.

After that, time sort of blurs, marked by things like Grogu climbing into Luke’s bed because he sensed that he was having a nightmare, and Din waking up to find the pair of them coloring in a serene silence, Luke getting the hang of ranch life and his prosthetic and dealing with his panic attacks and flashbacks as they come, and Din enduring relentless badgering from his friends because hey, if you don’t marry Luke, I will and Fennec, you’re a lesbian and that doesn’t matter, it’ll be a marriage of twink and butch solidarity. And all the while, Din and Luke are spinning closer and closer towards each other, two suns hurtling in their orbit to the other with an inescapable certainty.

When it finally happens, they’ve just gotten back from one of those cowboy dances (idk what they’re called...hoedowns? yeah okay) (and yes, I wanted to hit all of the cliches in the book, thank you very much), and Grogu’s fallen fast asleep on Luke’s shoulder. After they tuck him up all snug in his bed, they head out to the porch, because it’s raining outside, and the steady thrum of water droplets splattering on the roof and on the grass is the most soothing sound Luke has ever heard (aside from Din’s voice), and he’s a little too afraid to go to sleep and ruin his perfect night with a nightmare. They stand there for a while, silence binding them together, shoulders brushing every now and then, hesitant and questioning. Luke thinks about how Din had asked him to dance earlier, his lips tilted in a teasing, but achingly soft smile, and how his heart had pounded a tattoo to the shape of his ribs when they’d pushed up so close together, the fast, rowdy dances of the beginning of the night having faded to something lasting, something meaningful. Luke remembers the ball he’d run away from, how the dancing had been cold, almost jeering in a way, and Luke realizes how far he’s come, how different it is here. And suddenly, there isn’t a question in his mind anymore. He turns toward Din, who turns toward him, and when he leans forward, Din breathes an uncertain “Luke-”, but he doesn’t get to finish the thought. Luke kisses him, and he kisses back, and it’s just them. There are hands in hair and noses nudged together, and at some point, they move, without either of them releasing the other, into the house and into Din’s bedroom. Buttons are unbuttoned, and whole stretches of skin are kissed, and when it’s over, they curl up together, Din tucking his head into the crook of Luke’s neck and falling asleep there.

When they wake up, Luke explains why he came here, why he ran away, all the while Din looks at him with his beautiful dark eyes and runs his hands through Luke’s hair, which is catching the sunlight filtering in through the window and making him look like he has a halo, all the while never once condemning him for keeping it a secret this whole time. After he’s finished, he expects some sort of shocked reaction-after all, his family’s pretty famous, but all Din does is kiss him and ask, “Wait, so you have a twin?”

It’s so unexpected that Luke throws his head back and bursts into uncontrollable, and very contagious peals of laughter, and when he’s finally able to breathe again, he kisses Din’s forehead and murmurs, “I love you.”

Din, who has been touch starved and lonely for years (no time for relationships when you’ve got a business to run and a toddler to raise), tears up and kisses him, too overwhelmed for words. But Luke understands.

And then Grogu pushes his way into the room holding up a box of Frosted Flakes above his head and shaking it, as if to say, I’d like to eat now, please.

Din and Luke stifle their smiles into the other’s shoulder, and when they get up, Luke can’t help but think that he’s finally where he belongs.

----

It takes approximately .5 seconds for all the others to figure out they’re together now, and Cara and Bo-Katan (of all people) start cheering immediately, to Din and Luke’s shock. Boba and Fennec grumble and begrudgingly hand over a huge wad of cash each to Cara and Bo-Katan because they thought it would take them at least another two weeks to get together. Din’s very done with his friends at this point, but he takes one look at Luke’s flustered but smiling face and decides he won’t kill them all this time.

And if everyone thought Luke was a lot of excitement for a humble ranch in the middle of nowhere, then they are in no way, shape, or form, prepared for when his very angry twin sister shows up with a himbo with a shit-eating grin and his 7 foot tall best friend she hired to track her brother down.

(needless to say, Boba punches Han within two minutes of interaction).

#dinluke #dinluke headcanon #dinluke fic #skydalorian #luke skywalker #din djaren #bo-katan kryze #fennec shand #leia organa #they just love each other a lot #and i am but a conduit of that love #Han takes one look at Boba and decides it's his life mission to just annoy the shit out of him #he stays away from fennec though #she's very scary #and she has no time for his dumbass #leia is even more angry and hard to deal with than she usually would be #because not only has her twin brother been missing for like four months #but she has had to deal with han thee peak dumbass solo for at least a week and its driving her insane #Chewwy fits right in #he hangs out with fennec and they go out and shoot cans together #leia hears that luke and din are together now #and she's like #you saw one (1) dilf and couldn't help yourself could you #and din's like #what's a dilf????#and luke is like #it means you're very hot #and leia rolls her eyes

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evafrechette · 3 years

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I hope you're a plumber because you’ve got my pipe leaking

↠ seokjin x jungkook | smut | golddigger!jk, plumber!seokjin | 18+ | 3.8k

↠ Summary: Gold digger Jungkook is frustrated his decrepit husband can't give him good dick. Enter plumber Seokjin who is slightly oblivious to Jungkook's invitation for sex and just thinks the whole house has bad indoor plumbing if the constant calls to their office about a leaking pipe is to go by.

↠ Warnings: rimming, anal sex, creampie, cheating, butt plugs, size queen jk, bottom jk, top seokjin, loads of plumbing jokes, mario reference, spanking, anal play

↠ Written for the BTS Porn Cliche Fest ↠

Jungkook sighs as he plonks down onto the lush gold velvet Chesterfield sofa. His long blond hair falls into his eyes and he puffs it away dramatically. This wasn't how he pictured his life when he married one of the most powerful and rich men in the city. Jungkook thought it would be lavish cocktail parties, expensive cars, jet setting around the globe and attractive half naked pool boys. What he got was a grumpy elderly workaholic husband who forbids him from staying out late, a pool cleaner who looks like John Wayne Gacy and a husband who can't get his dick hard. At least he gets free reign of the black card!

He picks up the remote and points it towards the TV. The screen flicks on to loud moaning. It's a bondage scene - some skinny twink is tied up and a big burly leather clad man is thrusting into him at incredible speed. Jungkook yawns and changes the channel. He watched that one earlier in the day. He flicks unimpressively through various channels before deciding to turn the TV off. He's bored, SO bored. He hasn't had sex all week, he hasn't had GOOD sex in years. His husband needs help via a little blue pill to even get it up and since he has been too busy with a big case load at work recently Jungkook's been left to his own devices and he's starting to get antsy. Just then a brilliant idea pops into his head. A few weeks ago they had trouble with a clogged drain and the most beautiful man alive was sent to work on it. Jungkook remembers the way his broad shoulders strained under his work uniform, his big plush lips pouting as he concentrated, and those big feet. They were huge. Big feet, big cock as they say. And Jungkook was longing to find out if that was the case with the statuesque plumber. He rushes up the stairs, taking two steps at a time and flings himself into his husbands office. He skips over to the desk and throws open every drawer to find the address book containing the mystery plumbers number. "Ugh, where the hell has that old bastard put it..." Jungkook whines throwing important documents in the air. He continues searching drawers until he finds the book he was looking for. "Tada!! Okay, now to find his number." a giggle escapes his lips, Jungkook is euphoric. He knows his husband wouldn't be happy with his sinful plans, but that's what is making it all that much more tempting to him. Jungkook is being a little brat. He misses feeling like this. Married life has well and truly stifled his exuberance for life. He reaches over to the telephone on the desk and dials the number, but no one answers. He tries again and still no answer. He slams the receiver down and pouts, with his arms crossed in front of him. This is his punishment for thinking of fucking another man. Of course it would never happen, what was he even thinking? *ring ring* Jungkook eyes the phone suspiciously, has his husband somehow found out he's in his office and is ringing to yell at him? He quickly scans the room to spot any security cameras before picking up. "Hello yeah sorry I missed your calls, who is this?" "Who is this?" Jungkook enquired sceptically. "Uhh you rang me? Is this about a plumbing job?" Jungkook's eyes go wide, he's talking to handsome plumber, oh shit this is his chance. "Oh yes, sorry, Hi, yes we have a problem with the . . . pipe, yeah the pipe under the sink. . um in the kitchen. There is water everywhere I don't know what to do.” "Okay, I'm actually not working tonight. . . " "OH NO PLEASE I need you . . uh I mean I need your help!" His eyes roll into the back of his head, he sounds like such an idiot right now. "Text me your address and I'll be there in about 40 minutes. This will be an after hours service so I have to charge more." "That's fine! That's okay, thank you so much." Jungkook hangs up and fist pumps the air then quickly sends his address to the man. His plan is in motion, now all he has to do is cause some damage.

He runs down the stairs and straight into the kitchen, his knee high socks helping him slide to the sink. He drops down onto his knees and throws the doors to the sink cupboard open. Jungkook knows absolutely nothing about plumbing, so he starts to unscrew whatever he can find. He stands back up and turns the faucet on then crouches back down to see if his wicked plan has worked. He can see a trickle of water escaping the pipe, but it's not enough so he unscrews it more. All of a sudden water is gushing everywhere. He thinks it's still not enough to have needed to call a plumber out (and he does have a flair for dramatics), so he grabs a bowl, fills it to the brim then splashes it all over the floor, he does it again this time splashing inside the cupboard. He stands back and takes a look at his handiwork. Not bad he thinks to himself. Jungkook runs to the laundry and grabs a few towels, placing them around the floor, to look as though he had attempted to clean the mess then scrampers his way to his bedroom to get ready. He removes his sweats and puts on a cute pair of pink panties, followed by an oversized hoody. He goes to head out the door when he stops and spins back around. He walks to his side of the wardrobe and brings out a purple box. Inside are a range of toys, but there is one in particular Jungkook is looking for. A black butt plug with a beautiful glistening pink gem. Before he puts the box away he grabs a bottle of lube and then makes his way to the bed to undress. He lubes up his fingers, reaches down and slowly inserts one inside himself, he pumps in and out a few times before adding another. He scissors his fingers, stretching himself out perfectly for the plug. He grabs the butt plug and slathers it with lube before pushing it into his pink hole. Jungkook let's out a small moan when it's in and pulls his panties back up. Just then he hears the door bell ring. Shit, has it been 40 minutes already?! He pops the lube into his hoody pocket, wipes his hands in the duvet cover then takes a quick look in the mirror, brushing down his long blond locks with his fingers before making his way down the stairs and towards the front door. Jungkook can feel his heart racing, he's starting to second guess himself now. What if Mr Plumber isn't even into guys? The doorbell rings again, so he takes a deep breath and opens the heavy front door. Jungkook looks around curiously, the man in front of him has a terrible fake moustache and is wearing some kind of costume. He's seen this costume before, but where exactly . . . oh that's right! "Uhhh, why are you dressed as Mario?" The taller man let's out a loud laugh before gesturing to be let in. Jungkook's cock is as confused as he is, but he steps aside allowing the man entrance. "I was at a fancy dress party when you rang. I didn't have time to get changed, is that okay? I mean, I am technically in a plumbers work uniform . . just not my own." Jungkook studies him. He's wearing a red shirt underneath blue overalls, white gloves, an oversized red hat and that hilarious fake moustache. He's such a beautiful man, that he even makes the costume look good. Jungkook never thought he'd ever get hard over someone wearing work overalls, but here he is, swelling up already. He coughs nervously, "No that's fine, sorry for calling on your day off but I just had no idea what to do, there is so much water everywhere." The plumber smiles "Which way to the leak?" Jungkook let's out a squeak and leads the man into the kitchen, he takes small deliberate steps, swishing his hips, looking back with an innocent smile. As they enter the plumber pops his toolbox down on the bench and crouches down to see the damage. "You know us plumbers always take our work very seriously. We plunge straight into it.” the laugh that follows is the cutest laugh Jungkook has ever heard, it reminds him of windshield wipers. He can't help but laugh at the cheesy joke. "I know a good plumbing joke." Jungkook exclaims. "Oh yeah? I'd love to hear it.” his attention now solely on Jungkook. "I once gave a

carpenter, plumber and a bricklayer a hand job at the same time. I guess you could call me a Jack off all trades." The plumbers ears go red immediately and he turns his attention back to the sink. Jungkook groans quietly, that didn't go down well. He thought it was a fantastic joke too, one of his best. He leans over the bench and absentmindedly twirls his hair in between his fingers. The man is truly irresistible, his shoulders are so incredibly wide, arms toned, and he has a fantastic ass in those overalls. "So what's your name anyway?" Jungkook murmurs. "I'm Seokjin, you can just call me Jin though. And you are?" "Jungkook..." "Is your dad home? I've been here a few times before." "My dad? Ooohh you mean my husband, umm no he's at work. . . late . . again." Jungkook huffs and throws his arms down on the bench, his head follows until his torso is leaning completely on the bench top. In this position his hoody rides up showing off the pale pink of his underwear. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Jin peek before looking away. A smirk appears on Jungkook's face. "So tell me another joke! That was a good one before." Jin clears his throat "I knew a plumber that was working on the side to become an artist. Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity." Jungkook let's out an over the top laugh which causes his ass to jiggle. That joke was incredibly lame, but clearly Jin is into this shit so he's gonna play it up. He slowly leans up from the bench and walks over to the fridge. "Would you like a drink?" "Water will be fine thanks, if you have it.” Jungkook reaches as far back into the fridge as he can, bent over in a way that isn't necessary, drinks are on the top shelf after all, but he wants to give the attractive man a little show. He walks over and holds out the bottle of water for Jin. When he grabs it their fingers touch gently causing one another to lock eyes. "Ya know, I've been doing this plumbing thing for years, I'm used to seeing all sorts of leaks. This one though is unusual.." "Hmm really? How?" Jin stands and places the bottle in the sink, he walks over to Jungkook and stands uncomfortably close to the blond. His breath warm against Jungkook's ear as he whispers. "Well I can tell someone got under that sink and loosened the locknut and coupling nuts and I'm thinking it may have been a certain someone parading around in hardly any clothes, showing off his pretty little ass at every chance." Jungkook's breath hitches in his throat, the man smells like beer and woody fig leaves and even with that ridiculous moustache on his face his entire aura right now is intimidating as fuck, and it's got Jungkook getting harder by the second. "Does your old man not treat his little boy toy right huh? I've seen you around whenever I've been called here for a job. Always checking me out, is that why you called tonight? To think I thought you just had really terrible plumbing here..." Jungkook can't even get any words out, so he just nods his head like some stupid dog toy you'd pop on the dash of your car. This causes Jin to laugh, his fingers tracing along Jungkook's jaw. He tilts the younger man's face up and smashes their lips together. The kiss is rushed and frenzied. Their teeth knock against each others and they are left panting, but it's perfect and Jungkook hasn't felt this alive in years. Jin's soft velvety lips brush against Jungkook's earlobe as he purrs "What do you want me to do?" "Whatever you want, please, anything." Jungkook tried to keep his voice steady, but it was no use, he was desperate to feel the attractive man inside him. "Anything?" Jin cocked his head to the side, a wicked smile planted on his face. "I want you up on the dining room table, on all fours," he clapped his hands together twice "Chop chop, let's do this. And take the panties off too.” Jungkook was too aroused to even question the strange request as he walked a little too eagerly through to the dining room. He quickly removed his panties then pulled back the dining room chair and used it to step up

onto the table. He got into position, his knees already aching a little as they dug into the wooden table top. He could feel the calloused hands of the plumber running over his soft ass, before a hard smack was heard echoing through the room. Jungkook yelped, not expecting to be spanked but it felt so fucking good, so he wiggled his ass in the air hoping Jin would get the hint and do it again. Jin got it alright, and gave Jungkook 5 hard smacks right across his left ass check. He could feel pre cum leaking from his hard cock pooling onto the table below and his face flushed red from embarrassment. He could feel Jin's hand on him again and braced himself for the next set of smacks, but instead his fingers lightly traced over the marks admiring his reddened handprint, slowly his fingers made their way to Jungkook's hole, where the plug was fully on display. He pushed on the gem causing Jungkook to let out a choked whimper. "Did you put this in just for me?" Jin queries as he slowly pulls out the plug before pushing back in, amazed at the way Jungkook's hole seemed perfectly made for the toy, stretching easily to fit around the the widest part and then sucking the rest in. "Y . . yes, for you." Jungkook gasped as Jin removed the toy completely leaving him feeling empty and open. He didn't have much time to get used to that feeling as Jin begin to kiss the back of his thighs, nipping and sucking sure to leave marks. His kisses trailed up to Jungkook's ass, lightly nibbling on each cheek. Jungkook was a mess already, panting and leaking pre cum, he so desperately wanted to reach between his legs and jerk himself off, but he wanted Jin to be the one to make him cum. Not his boring old, overly used hand. Jin spread Jungkook's ass cheeks apart and ran his tongue over his open hole. Jungkook's needy whining spurred him on, so he fucked his tongue deep into his ass. Jungkook was in ecstasy he'd never had anyone eat him out before. It was a feeling like nothing he had ever experienced, lost in the feeling he pushed his ass back onto Jin's mouth and begged the man go faster. Jin enthusiastically grabbed onto his ass and spread his cheeks even further apart as he added a finger beside his tongue, fucking Jungkook's ass in tandem. Jin removed his mouth from Jungkook's alluring hole, and continued to fuck him with his finger. "My mother always said you should eat every meal at the dining room table. And that was one of the best meals I've ever had." he casually removed his finger and watched as Jungkook's hole puckered open from the loss. He gave his ass a quick pat before standing back and getting undressed. Jungkook's knees were red and irritated from the pressure of being on the table, so he finally moved off his hands and knees and sat back on the table with his legs dangling over the side. His already big eyes went even wider when he saw the naked man in front of him. He was right, so fucking right. Jin was huge, massive, enormous, mammoth, super sized. It was the biggest fucking cock he had ever seen. "Why are you in plumbing? You should be in porn. Look at that thing!" Jungkook pointed directly at Jin's cock. A look of utter amazement on his face. "Why do you think plumbers and therapists make so much money?” "I have no idea?" He shook his head, blond hair flailing around his face. "Because no one else wants to deal with other peoples shit. Now lay back on the table for me will ya.” Jungkook didn't have to be asked twice, he pushed himself back and lay flat on the table, Jin sauntered over and pulled Jungkook down so they were flush with one another. Jungkook's entrance was shiny and wet from Jin's earlier tongue escapades, but he knew it might still not be enough, so he reached into his hoody and pulled out the lube. "Umm just in case." he shyly looked towards Jin who smiled affectionately and took the bottle from him. He squirted a generous amount over his hard cock and positioned himself against Jungkook's entrance. Jin pushed in slowly, allowing Jungkook time to adjust around his large size. He pulled out and

pushed back in again even slower this time, inch by inch stretching him out, making Jungkook feel so full he felt as though the room was spinning. Jungkook was speechless, he looked up at the exquisite man above him and decided he must have slipped on the wet kitchen floor, died and gone to heaven. He was being fucked by an angel with the biggest cock humanly possible. Trembling, shaky sobs left his chapped lips as the man thrust into him long and slow. Jungkook pushed down onto Jin to meet his thrusts hoping that the man would speed up a little, but Jin just grabbed onto his hips and held him down into place. He was truly at Jin's mercy. The two men were a sweaty, panting mess. The sound of their skin slapping against each other ricocheted around the dining room. Jin lifted Jungkook's right leg and hooked his foot over his shoulder. A bolt of heat shocked Jungkook's insides as Jin's cock hit his prostate over and over again with every thrust. "Oohh fuck, I'm gonna come." he cried out. Jin picked up the pace as his large hand curled around Jungkook's swollen cock, pumping him in time with his own thrusts. Jungkook's sensations were heightened the minute that tough-skinned fingers were being drawn up and down his length. He felt his balls tightening and knew that just a few more thrusts would be all it would take to reach his release. He closed his eyes tightly and let out a drawn-out needy moan as his cock pulsated in Jin's hand, spurts of his hot cum landing on his stomach and all over Jin's tight grip. Jin stopped his movement and allowed the younger man to come down from his high before he started to thrust even harder inside Jungkook's tight ass. Jungkook was oversensitive, his ass tightening with every twitch of Jin's cock inside of him. Jin didn't hold back though, thrusting hard and deep inside of him. "Ahhh fuck, you feel so fucking good, so tight on my cock." Jin grunts between thrusts. Jungkook's whines were stirring him on towards his own release. Jin grits his teeth and sweat drips down his forehead as he finally comes inside Jungkook's tight hole. He is absolutely spent and leans down to kiss the blond. Their kiss is weak and slow, but incredibly sensual. Their sweaty forheads bump which causes a giggle from both men. "Eww you're sweating on me.” Jungkook pouts. "Wow, you're worried about that? I just came in your ass! Speaking of . . " Jin reaches over Jungkook's head and grabs the butt plug, he slowly removes his sizable cock from the blonds ass and teases the plug around Jungkook's hole, watching as it flutters open and his cum start to freely drip out. He pushes the plug in easily, trapping his cum inside. "Since you clearly wanted me inside you for a while now, you can enjoy my cum in your ass when I'm gone." he playfully winks at Jungkook.

The two men get dressed, casting each other looks of utter fondness. They walk back into the kitchen and grab their long abandoned bottles of water. Jungkook gulps his down, not realising just how thirsty he was. He forgot that good sex can wear your ass out. What a workout, why would anyone go to a gym when you could just fuck instead? A noise from the foyer startles them both, it's the sound of the front door being opened and closed. Jin grabs his toolbox and looks at Jungkook nervously, the blond smiles sweetly at the plumber and whispers "Just follow my lead"

An older man with a full head of grey hair, deep wrinkles, glasses sitting atop of his wide nose and wearing an over sized suit ploddingly makes his way into the room. "Oh honey, it's so nice to see you I thought you'd be at work all night?" Jungkook says as he kisses his husband on the cheek. "Mm yes well, I got as much done as I could tonight. Did we have trouble with the plumbing again? Why is Mr Kim here . . dressed like that?" "Yes sir, sorry I was at a dress up party and didn't have time to change. Your kitchen sink had a leak. It was an easy fix though, took only 10 minutes or so. I'll email through an invoice first thing on Monday morning.... Okay, I better go now." he tensely glances in Jungkook's direction. "Let me walk you out." he smiles back sweetly. When they reach the door Jungkook looks back to make sure he's not being watched by his doddering husband before he leans in and kisses Jin chastely on the cheek. "We should do this again next weekend, maybe the pipes in the pool house will unexpectedly play up hmm?" Jin flashes him a ravishing smile and winks at him as he exits the mansion. Jungkook watches Jin's enticing firm ass walk back to his car and feels the stirring of butterflies in his belly. He's starting to get feelings for a plumber with a terrible sense of humor but with a cock so large it should be illegal. He chuckles to himself as he closes the door, his entire night could be the storyline of some cheesy C grade porno film. But he can't wait to experience it all over again next weekend.

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leupagus · 3 years

Text

It's the Mileage pt. 3, aka seriously Zach can't catch a break

More from the Twink Nightingale Verse (Nightentwink? Twinkengale?) because I'm waiting on betas for my next It's Complicated chapter and I might as well write this scene that I've been imagining in some form or another since Peter mentioned it back in The Hanging Tree:

Another problem I’d started to notice was how Tommy would sort of… randomly not be able to do the job. Or if he did, the consequences were so catastrophic that I had to do everything, anyway.

It wasn’t laziness, whatever you might think about the aristocracy (he swears up and down to this day that he’s not any sort of a minor duke or anything, but I’m understandably suspicious). It was flat out just — well, it was weird, is what it was.

The first time it happened was a couple months into our probation. We’d been called to deal with some sort of argy-bargy at a pub near St. James’s (or maybe St. James’, I can never remember the rules about the apostrophe), but once we’d arrived Tommy had balked like a scandalised goat.

'I can’t go in,' he said.

'I… think you’ll find you can,' I said. I could hear shouting and, worse yet, I couldn’t hear music. Usually they only cut the sound once the fighting has progressed to things that involve words like 'contusions.' I wanted to avoid contusions, but that wasn’t going to happen if Tommy was about to reveal a sudden-onset phobia of belligerent drunks.

'Yes, I suppose I can, but it would be an extremely bad idea for me to do so,' he said, with the kind of rapid-fire clipped speech that I already recognised as him being nervous about something.

'It’s a bunch of chavs having a bad Friday night.' Somewhere in the pub a glass broke. 'Or a bad Tuesday night,' I amended. 'I promise to beat up anyone who has a go at you.'

'No one will make any such attempt, of that I can assure you,' he said, fiddling with his shirt cuffs — he wore the standard uniform shirt, but he’d gotten them altered so that they could take cufflinks, which by the time I noticed, didn’t surprise me. 'Kay, please trust me when I say that you would be far better off going in there by yourself.' And he lifted his chin to show that he really meant it.

The thing about Tommy, though, is that he folds like wet cardboard if you give him any kind of pleading look. I hadn’t asked but I’d reckoned that he was the youngest of his family. Older siblings catch wise to this kind of emotional manipulation.

So he came down with me after all. It was the worst kind of fight, the kind where two people are sincerely trying to kill each other and the crowd’s egging them on. I started wading through, tossing spectators out of the way so I could get to the two in the centre. One of them was a skinny ginger arsehole with, of course, a broken bottle in his hand; the other was a short squat guy with his hair in unflattering cornrows, holding a crowbar. I didn’t really fancy getting in between them, but the stab vest has gone from stab-resistant to stab-proof in the past few years, and most of your run-of-the-mill drunken sots don’t know where the gaps are.

Still, I thought I’d try some vocal calming techniques first. 'Oi!' I bellowed. 'Put the fucking weapons down!'

I’m used to people shouting back at me, or even taking a swing. But neither of them even seemed to notice. Nor did the audience; the people I’d pushed out of the way had swarmed back, and I was swallowed up into the crowd. Not just figuratively, either; I felt like I was being consumed. Violence and blood and fear and excitement — I could feel it in the pit of my stomach, in the stutter of my heart. The fighters were closing with each other again, ready to strike, and I had to watch, I couldn’t look away, couldn’t do anything but wait for it—

'Drop your weapons,' came a voice from behind me. 'Now.'

To be fair, they did — not just the fighters, but everyone in the pub, a clattering rainstorm of knives and blunt instruments and several firearms which, thank fuck, didn’t go off. I almost dropped my fucking baton before realising that the voice must’ve been Tommy’s, even though it hadn’t exactly sounded like him.

There was a pause while the crowd, the fighters, the bartender, everyone turned toward Tommy, stood still in the doorway. He wasn’t doing anything, just standing there, but the whole pub backed up a step.

And then another, and then they fucking stampeded out toward the back of the pub, knocking over tables and chairs and smaller patrons. There was yelling and a few screams and someone shouted 'the nightingale!' Then they were gone, like water down the tub drain. I could almost hear the faint sucking sound as the last of them scrambled off.

I hadn’t managed to grab hold of a single one of them, but I noticed the bartender was still here, glaring daggers at Tommy with his arms over his chest. He was another skinny guy, in his mid-forties maybe, the kind who never learned to sit still and so had made a career out of being high-strung and twitchy.

'Ten years,' he squawked, flailing his hands as he came out from around the bar. ’Ten years and not so much as a fucking postcard, you know there was a dead pool going round? And now I’m out of pocket five grand because you wanted to make an impression?'

'Dead pool?' asked Tommy, with the sort of polite interest he usually uses when he’s pretending to listen to our governor talk about his beagles.

The bartender wagged his finger in Tommy’s face. 'You tell your boyfriend that I’m putting all of this on his tab, all right?'

'We are not romantically involved, regardless of whatever rumours you and Stephen put about,' said Tommy. 'And if you want to bill the — police, you’re always welcome to open a small claims dispute with the Department of Professional Standards. However, please remember that I have a witness that can verify I merely asked that people drop their weapons.'

The bartender looked around and seemed to notice me for the first time. Which was a new experience for me, I’ll admit. I tend to get noticed right off. 'Oh — oh,' he said, and gave me a broad smile. 'Well, hello there, darling.'

'Zach,' and now Tommy’s voice sounded different, a bit like before but not exactly. It worked, though; the bartender gave a huff and went off to, I guessed, find a broom.

'Who’s that?' I asked, once he was out of earshot. 'And what was he talking about, ten years?'

'That,' he said, 'Is Zachary Palmer. An old friend of the family, I suppose you’d say,' He gazed after him for a few moments before turning back to me. 'So — what is a dead pool? I thought it was a comic book character or a film or some such.'

'You’re like the world’s shittiest time traveller,' I complained. Later on, Tommy would do some tests to see if I had some sort of clairvoyance ability or something. Jury’s still out, but I think mostly he was just pissed off that I’d managed such a sick burn without even knowing it.

#rivers of london #ficcage of interest #it's the mileage #this story feels like the ultimate 'have little a twink verse as a treat' meme #fuck me I can do magic

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kaelio · 3 years

Text

@c-rowlesblogs and @kaelio talk about our Garak & Bashir Important Family Moment concept:

crowles at 1:23 PM

a whole month!! Roommates with Enabran Tain!! Nothing!

Kaelio at 1:23 PM

I know!! LIKE????

how great would it have been, even if they don't want to delve in

if from time to time Julian's referencing something like "as Tain always said, '[thing]'"

and people are like oh yeahhh... HM

crowles at 1:24 PM

and Garak chokes on his fish juice

Kaelio at 1:24 PM

or even when he goes inside [x]'s brain (you might not be here yet) what if that were tech TAIN DESCRIBED TO HIM

there's no reason why not!! that would actually make that plot point make more sense!

crowles at 1:25 PM

I'm not there yet, I don't know whose brain Julian goes inside, but I ALREADY agree with you lol

Kaelio at 1:25 PM

it's 100% tech it would make sense for tain to have used and be aware of I'll say that lol

but like yea! and garak also having weird feelings about not knowing what his dad said or?? what that was like for julian?? like??

how would you feel if your partner had been in prison with your dad for a month?? hello???

crowles at 1:26 PM

and like.. even if Tain is a closed book at first, he likes to talk, he's kind of gotten the sense he might not make it out of this alive, why not still try to further his goals/The Greater Good by confiding key pieces of info to his son's bright-eyed Federation twink boyfriend

YEAH

Kaelio at 1:26 PM

or just to entertain himself! or in hopes that it'll be useful if garak ever shows up to ensure he gets out!

crowles at 1:27 PM

yeah!!!

if his good-for-nothing son ever shows up (no doubt dressed in something dumb and slutty like usual) and saves them

Kaelio at 1:28 PM

lmao weird fic premise: it's in talking to tain that julian realizes he's into garak

tain's like "hmmm seems you're in love w/ my gay former protoge" and julian's like "whaa..... oh"

crowles at 1:29 PM

oh my god lol

yes

Kaelio at 1:29 PM

tain needling him about it for weeks lmaooo

crowles at 1:31 PM

trash-talking garak at the same time, like god of course that useless gay couldn't work up the courage to make a move or make his feelings obvious

doctor, clearly the two of you deserve each other

Kaelio at 1:35 PM

hahahahaha totally

and continuing his weird peppering of his statements with useful info to dissect later

crowles at 1:38 PM

and then he gets rescued with them and lives (because he deserves an inglorious death but, like, he's so interesting, so maybe later, eventually), and becomes the galaxy's most intimidating dad-of-boyfriend/FIL ever

Kaelio at 1:38 PM

also this allows us for one of the other most important unexplored comedy premises: enabran tain, father-in-law

crowles at 1:39 PM

:100:

Kaelio at 1:39 PM

EXACTLY

:brain:

up to and including important "in the running for most awkward family dinner outside of sisko and dukat as in laws after jake and ziyal's wedding", "enabran tain and the bashir parents"

or even "wedding where tain is seated at the same table as miles o brien"

crowles at 1:43 PM

OHhhh my goddd

:milky_way: :brain: DUDE.

Kaelio at 1:44 PM

esp if the bashir parents are, of course, total glory-hound starfuckers

and are like OH it's so GREAT that our SON married someone who's the son of someone so IMPORTANT :star_struck:

and julian's like 'that's enabran tain so'

'not really why i married garak. dad.'

crowles at 1:45 PM

Oh yeah 100%, they’d be completely charmed by Tain too

Kaelio at 1:45 PM

he's so nice!

"Jules why in the world did you say to 'watch out'? He's such a perfectly charming man, so educated with... huge tracts of land..."

Julian: (screaming inside forever)

crowles at 1:46 PM

Loll jesus

Kaelio at 1:46 PM

tain also expresses extreme contempt for them but in ways they're not picking up

crowles at 1:49 PM

just NOT understanding why their son is so nervous about this fat old lizard guy, sure he was head of the... some Cardassian intelligence thing? But that sounds very prestigious, and gosh he’s retired now, and so polite

Kaelio at 1:50 PM

he even has a vacation home on the arawath colony they can visit and that sounds lovely. little getaway!

crowles at 1:50 PM

Yeah!!

Kaelio at 1:51 PM

it's torture for julian and garak's trying to be supportive even though to him it is the funniest thing he has ever seen in his life

crowles at 1:51 PM

Oh no poor Julian, yeah he’d be looking to Garak for emotional support and Garak is just trying to not laugh the whole time

Kaelio at 1:51 PM

these two dopey humans utterly charmed by a tain who cannot stand them but is so naturally good at hiding his tone and intentions that he's not even sure tain could get it through their skulls if he tried

crowles at 1:52 PM

yess

Ugh this is so good. I need this to be real

Kaelio at 1:52 PM

it's real in my brain. so fucking real.

richard bashir starts trying to sound important too and if showing off the garden designs for the municipal park he did and is putting his like padd with photos in tain's face

and tain, like garak cannot stop lying, cannot find a way to actually communicate how much he wants this to stop

Kaelio at 1:54 PM

but like. that horrible dinner ends up one of julian's most awful memories and like. one of garak's favorite.

crowles at 1:54 PM

YES absolutely

A treasured memory for Garak to nestle warmly in his heart

Kaelio at 1:55 PM

Day Enabran Tain Got Tortured

oh oh oh: the big family dinner was garak's idea

and on the way out tain is like "what an amazingly novel form of torture garak. still got it, u little shit"

#enabran tain #crowles #chatlog #I am JUST saying #no #WE are just saying #garak #julian #etc #ds9

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

Text

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

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eponinemylove · 4 years

Text

some things i would like to remind everyone about aftg

kevin day is not a coward, he’s learning to overcome his trauma and fear of his abusers. even before he’s dealt with any of his shit he still manages to stand face to face with the moriyamas, and he put up with everything they did to him since he was a child. he’s a strong fucking character. also, he actually gets into a lot of fights, many of which he picks himself. he’s honestly almost as bad as neil in a lot of ways

nicky is more than just an over-the-top, horny gay. he’s pretty well adjusted considering the trauma he went through—before he even took on the added responsibility and trauma of the twins—and he’s so dedicated and loving to his family, even when they treat him like shit. he’s deep, optimistic, forgiving, faithful, and also a very strong character. he’s more than just some twink, guys. nicky gets pretty serious in some of his scenes, and we all remember thanksgiving.

just the fact that ALL of the foxes dealt with some serious trauma and shit in their lives, not just neil and andrew. all of them

aaron did hard drugs to cope with his mothers abuse and he has serious problems with older women/potential mother figures. i really feel like everyone just completely forgot aaron is a recovering drug addict? bc that’s a significant part of canon

while we’re on the subject, matt is a recovering drug addict too. like, hello, his track marks anyone?? it’s one the the first things we’re told about his character. also that ANDREW was the one who led to matt’s eventual rehab (through some... questionable means, definitely)

dan, renee, and allison were Not friends their first year

allison reynolds can and absolutely Will throw hands. she is not afraid to fight someone on or off the court. also, she genuinely cares about exy and gave up her family and inheritance to play!!!

not only was dan (unapologetically) a stripper, but she keeps in touch with her stage sisters and i think invited them to their final game?

ANDREW HAS A PERSONALITY MORE THAN JUST INTENSE SILENCE AND “YES OR NO”. like, don’t get me wrong, those are very much Andrew, but don’t erase medicated andrew’s whole personality! sure it wasn’t exactly him as himself, but it’s the andrew we saw and knew for at least two books. and medicated andrew was an Experience. he was hilarious and sassy and frankly kind of unbelievable. he delivered a lot of great lines

neil josten is not soft. he’s not even nice. he is an asshole (we been knew) and i mean seriously, just genuinely a dick. we all know and love his roasts and sassy moments, but my boy has some highly questionable morals, a concerning lack of empathy at times, just awful priorities really, and a whole crap ton of anger and trust issues. also, he has a habit of picking fights and then just hightailing it the fuck out of there, letting someone else step in to try and diffuse the situation. he’s exactly like a cat that makes eye contact with you as it knocks a vase off the counter and then pretends it did nothing wrong and can’t understand why you’re upset

aaron was interested in meeting andrew when they first found out they were twins

aaron is actually pretty protective of andrew in his own way!!!

there are a lot of parallels between aaron and neil, but one i particularly want to point out is that neil gave aaron so much shit about still holding that resentment about andrew and everything that went down with their mom BUT neil was in a very similar situation (we all know neil’s mom beat the crap out of him) and he still mourned his mom!! in fact he never decisively villianized his own mother while having no problem villianizing tilda to try and justify andrew’s actions (ik this sounds biased but i’m not casting judgement here, i understand why andrew did what he did and i can’t say i hate him for it)

coach wymack is very mindful of all his foxes’ traumas and while he doesn’t pretend to be a particularly pleasant or coddling authority figure, he does go out of his way to accommodate for them however they need it. he won’t yell or make himself opposing with neil. he follows and deals with andrew’s touching rule. he indulges in the monsters’ trips to columbia as long as they stay out of trouble for the most part. he knows his players and what they’ve been through, and he does everything he can to get them help, whether they know they need it or not. he gives second chances. he makes sure they feel safe.

also, and this is on such a different note than the last couple of points, but even though the foxes supposedly sucked as a team before neil got there (and well into his first year), the student body was still pretty supportive?? like ok ik there was the vandalism thing and no one actually expected the foxes to win or whatever, but they still turned up to the games and cheered. if i remember correctly, the wore orange on game days and booed the opposing teams. was there a song? there might’ve been like a school song too

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #neil josten #andrew minyard #kevin day #nicky hemmick #allison reynolds #matt boyd #aaron minyard #coach wymack #david wymack #the foxes #psu foxes #renee walker #dan wilds

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arrantsnowdrop · 4 years

Text

It’s You I Want - Haldir x. Elf Reader (fluff)

Request: "The reader is maybe a child of Galadriel, and Haldir is quietly trying to pretend he isn't interested in courting them because of their status differences?"

Tags: @headless-twink

Warnings: 3,283 words (I kinda popped off), but other than that nothing

A/N: I gave the reader a brother because I thought being a single child of Galadriel and Celeborn would be lonely as heck, and I didn't wanna subject poor (y/n) to that. This was really fun to write, I do love Haldir a whole lot. Hope y'all enjoy! :D

It was midday in Lothlórien. Lady Galadriel had summoned the High Council to discuss the growing threat to border security posed by the goblins of Moria. The lesser lords and ladies of the forest and the most skilled members of the elven guard had been invited to the Chamber of Celeborn to determine how best to handle the situation.

You, being the eldest of Lady Galadriel’s children, had also been invited to attend. Though you were still quite young for an elf, you were destined to assume leadership of one of Lórien’s sectors when you were older. There was also always the possibility something could happen to either of your parents and you would take their place. Your mother saw these meetings as a way to introduce to you the responsibilities of leadership.

And that is how you found yourself stuck inside a rather dark, somber looking hall in the middle of the most sunny day Lothlórien had seen in quite some time. You almost wished you hadn’t agreed to attend, but you did recognize it was a privilege to be allowed to listen to the conversations of the High Council. You were sitting around a large wooden table in a chair next to Galadriel’s. The members of the elven guard had been sharing their experiences with the goblins thus far.

“What I am gathering,” Lord Celeborn said thoughtfully, “is that the curiosity of these orcs is growing every day.”

“Every night my patrol watches them grow closer to our borders, my Lord,” one elf added. Lord Celeborn nodded.

“We seem to have two main options, if I may detail them further,” Iachion, one of the senior marchwardens, said tentatively. Galadriel nodded for him to continue.

“Thank you, my Lady. We can either send troops out of Lothlórien to meet the orcs now, or wait until they cross our borders to attack,” he said.

“If I may, Iachion, those options seem to be on very opposite ends of the same spectrum,” you observed. “I’m sure there is some action we can take that will ensure our safety for the time being without risking so many lives.” You looked to your mother for approval on your comment, who gave you a small smile.

“I agree with (Y/n),” came a familiar voice at the opposite end of the table. There sat Haldir, head of the northern patrol. He too was a younger elf, one who had earned his place in the High Council through his much admired leadership in the elven guard.

“My patrol has discussed the actions of the orcs several times these past weeks, perhaps I could share our consensus on the situation,” he offered.

“Go on, Haldir,” your mother said.

“We believe it would be wise to increase the patrol groups in the northern and western woods, especially at night, so that the orcs do not go unmonitored,” he began.

“Yes , but monitoring the orcs will not deter them,” Iachion interrupted. You grinned as Haldir rolled his eyes slightly.

“As of now, the orcs are still quite a distance from our borders. They seem accustomed to the dark, and only travel so far from the mines that they can still return during the night,” Haldir added.

“How many nights then would it take for them to reach our borders?” Lord Celeborn asked.

“At least two, they do not travel lightly,” one elf said.

“I feel it would be unwise to take action with violent intent when the orcs do not seem keen on coming closer. As (Y/n) put it, we would be risking the lives of our own in a confrontation that might not even come to fruition otherwise,” Haldir stated.

“I agree with Haldir, mother,” you said, looking at Galadriel.

“As do I, it is always important to maintain nonviolence unless it is unavoidable,” she said thoughtfully. “The council will vote on the plan Haldir proposed, unless there is a desire for further discussion.”

You met Haldir’s gaze from across the table and offered him a small smile, brows furrowing when he looked away quickly.

“The decision carries, we will increase border patrols to monitor the orcs, but take no further action unless they grow closer,” Galadriel said, standing up to dismiss the meeting.

You got up quickly, intending to go over and compliment Haldir on his strategy, but by the time you reached the other end of the table he was nowhere to be seen.

~~~~~

By the end of the week, you found yourself practically living in the seemingly endless library of Lothlórien. Your mother has asked you and your younger brother Lodatôr to research the historical differences between the different branches of elves (“Just because you were not there to experience it does not mean it is not important to know,” your mother had said). Though you’d found the assignment rather trivial to begin with, you’d quickly become fascinated with the subject.

Your most recent read was a first-hand account by a Teleri elf who traveled to Aman, and the emotional struggle he went through after his sister abandoned the march. The work was fueled with passion and sorrow, and you understood why so many of the book’s pages were littered with tear stains.

Luckily, you had reached the end without crying too much (as your brother had poked fun at you everytime you began to tear up). You stood up from your chair to put the book back on its shelf.

“Did he make it to Aman?” Lodatôr asked from across the small table you were sharing. He too has been intrigued by the subject and was reading a book about the elves who refused to embark on the Great Journey.

“Yes, thank goodness, I was beginning to think he would turn back to try and find his sister,” you said shakily. The last few pages of the book had been quite emotional.

“Good for him,” your brother said matter-of-factly, returning his attention to the book in front of him. You chuckled softly.

Lórien’s library had been built around one of the many great trees in Caras Galadhon. The library was only slightly younger than Galadriel herself, and the further down the tree you went, the older the books got. Your particular autobiography was from the Years of the Trees, which preceded the First Age of Middle Earth. In any regard, you had a long journey down.

The particular shelf you were looking for was nearly at the bottom of the tree, which was always rather quiet - not many elves spent their free time reading about Middle Earth before the time of the Ring, especially since half of them had lived through it themselves. Others, like yourself, were not bestowed with the memory of such times. You almost laughed remembering one specific instance when Lodatôr argued with your parents over deciding to have children after the beginning of the First Age.

You turned into the area your book was from, jumping back in surprise at the sight of another elf perusing the shelves. He looked up in surprise, you grinning at the sight of the familiar blonde elf.

“Hello, Haldir, I’m sorry for startling you,” you said softly. “I wasn’t expecting to see anyone else this low in the library.”

He stared at you for a moment before nodding and looking back at the books in front of him.

You slid past him, placing the book back into its designated space. Your gaze trailed to the novel next to it, gasping with delight when you saw it had been written by the sister of the aforementioned Teleri elf.

“Are you alright, (Y/n)?” Haldir asked with mild concern. You grinned at him and nodded.

“I hadn’t realized my book had a sequel of sorts, just got a little excited is all,” you said bashfully. He nodded again and looked away. You paused, biting your lip at the awkward pause in conversation.

“It’s about one of the Teleri elves,” you finally said, feeling the need to break the silence. His gaze met yours for a third time. You looked down at the new book in your hand.

“He was making the Great Journey with his family but his sister abandoned the trail in the Misty Mountains. And this book is written by said sister,” you added.

“Sounds...interesting,” Haldir stated. He was definitely uninterested, and you felt quite embarrassed for intruding upon his free time.

You nodded curtly before rushing past him and up the stairs, cursing yourself for being so talkative. What you failed to see was Haldir watching you longingly as you left, before turning his gaze to the book you had just returned and picking it up himself.

~~~~~

By the time the next High Council meeting came to pass, you had become thoroughly confused by the blonde marchwarden.

After your encounter in the library, you had tried to provoke conversation with him several times. All had been failures in your opinion.

You’d concluded that Haldir must have been introverted, or uninterested in socializing. This made sense, of course - his thoughts were likely preoccupied with the many important tasks he was charged with and he probably didn’t want to spend time distracting himself from them.

And yet, there he was, standing across the room, freely conversing with several other elves about those trivial affairs you had thought bored him. Or that seemed to bore him whenever you tried to talk to him.

You turned to your brother, who had also been invited to this particular meeting.

“Have you ever had a conversation with Haldir?” you asked quietly.

“Hmm?” Lodatôr asked, not quite paying attention. He was always bored at these meetings, constantly zoning out in the middle of discussions.

“I said have you ever talked with Haldir, the marchwarden of the north,” you insisted.

“Oh yes, many times,” he said thoughtfully. “Just last week I caught him leaving the library and we had a pleasant conversation about the eastward expansion of the city.”

“Oh,” you said softly, stomach sinking.

“Why?” he asked curiously.

“I’m just curious, I’ve seen him at a few of these meetings and I was considering introducing myself,” you lied.

“You should! He’s quite fun to be around,” your brother noted. You nodded, watching Haldir laugh at something one of the young ladies of the court had said. You despised the feeling of jealousy that stirred within you.

You couldn’t focus the entire meeting. It was obvious Haldir didn’t like you for some reason; he was clearly a social elf and yet he avoided talking to you at all costs.

Had you done something to offend him in some way? Or said something that upset him? While you’d never been close to him, he was at nearly all the meetings you were asked to attend. Perhaps he had assumed you were entitled and spoiled, like so many of the younger elves in Lothlórien did.

“(Y/n)?”

Your head snapped up, wide eyes meeting those of your mother.

“Yes?” you asked bashfully.

“I asked, are you feeling alright? You look more pale than usual,” she said jokingly, with underlying concern. You looked around the table to see the elves of the court watching you intensely, Haldir included. You gulped, suddenly feeling quite small.

“May I be excused?”

At the nod of your mother you stood up abruptly, rushing out of the room before anyone could say anything.

You felt quite overwhelmed as you walked back up to your family’s flet, high up in the trees of Lórien. You also felt stupid, which was uncommon for any elf. You had been trying to socialize with Haldir for several weeks, and yet it had taken you this long to realize he did not enjoy your company.

You sat on your bed for several hours, watching as the sun sank below the treetops and trying to pinpoint what you had done to lose Haldir’s favor.

It was dark outside when Lodatôr walked into your room.

“How are you doing?” he asked softly, sitting down next to you. “You rushed out awfully fast.”

“I’m fine now,” you said, not completely a lie this time. You were feeling better, finally coming to terms with the fact Haldir probably hated you for whatever reason.

“Haldir wanted me to tell you to feel better soon,” he said. You glared at him sternly.

“Don’t joke with me, Lodatôr.”

“I’m not joking,” he said slowly, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. “He came up to me after the meeting was dismissed asking if you were sick, and when I said I didn’t know he asked me to tell you to feel better.”

You were at a complete loss for words, mouth hanging slightly agape.

“(Y/n)-”

“Are you kidding me?” you said loudly, standing up from your bed and beginning to pace around the room.

“What is going on with you?” Lodatôr asked, also standing up, now extremely concerned about your mental wellbeing.

“All month I’ve been trying to talk to Haldir,” you seethed, “and I had finally concluded that he must just be socially reserved, but clearly that isn’t the case!”

“Well then, what is the case?” your brother inquired.

“I had just decided that he must despise me but now apparently he’s concerned about me, and I don’t know what that means!” you shouted, slamming your hand against the wall for emphatic effect.

“Oh my gosh,” Lodatôr grinned.

“Oh my gosh what?” you grumbled.

“I think he likes you.”

You gasped and whipped around, looking at your brother incredulously.

“That is most certainly not the case!” you retorted. His eyes widened and he began to laugh.

“Oh my gosh, I think you like him, too!” he exclaimed, doubling over laughing.

“Get out! Right now!” you roared, lunging at him as he scrambled out the door.

“Just talk to him!” he called as he sprinted down the hallway. You slammed the door shut and flopped onto your bed, groaning into your pillow.

Lodatôr was right, you definitely liked Haldir. There were plenty of elves who didn’t like you and you had never cared about them, and yet the mere possibility that Haldir might not like you was crushing.

Also, he was stunningly attractive. That was indisputable.

What Lodatôr said had confused you, though; he was rarely wrong when it came to understanding people (a gift you clearly did not possess), but was it possible Haldir liked you?

Before falling asleep you came to the conclusion that you needed to confront Haldir, because at least then you would know for sure - if he truly despised you, you could always ask your parents to send you off to Rivendell and study with Elrond for the next century or two.

~~~~~

The next morning you felt both determined and nervous, but you had already begun your trek down into the center of Caras Galadhon. You were walking quite fast, so it would look odd if you turned back now.

You knew Haldir was not scheduled to leave the city until noon, so it was just a matter of finding him.

“Excuse me,” you said, interrupting two young elves who you recognized from Haldir’s patrol, “have you seen Haldir this morning?”

“Yes, your grace,” one of them replied. “He said he was heading to the library to return a book.”

“Thank you!” you replied, bidding them both a good day before turning in the direction of the library.

The elf at the front desk had seen Haldir go down the building’s spiral steps, and thus down you went, nerves rapidly increasing every floor you passed.

You were beginning to think you might not even see him, that you were probably wasting your time, when you accidentally skipped a step and collided with another elf on the stairs.

You let out a small shriek, body crashing into a rather broad chest, their hands gripping your shoulders to catch you.

“I am so sorry,” you began to apologize, looking up into Haldir’s bright blue eyes. Your eyes widened.

“Are you hurt, (Y/n)?” he asked, his rather large hands still on your shoulders.

You were both panting slightly - the stairs of the library were not easy on the lungs.

You blinked once, twice, trying to come up with something to say, before deciding to throw caution to the wind.

“Do you dislike me?” you asked genuinely, almost cringing at how pathetic you sounded.

“Excuse me?” he asked, looking more concerned if that was possible.

“You just, you seem to be a fairly social elf, but you always avoid talking to me,” you rambled, “and it’s not like you’re obliged to like me but it’s starting to hurt my feelings-”

Haldir pulled you into one of the shelves swiftly as another elf made his way down the stairs. You gulped, looking up at him in the confined space.

“I just wanted to know if I had said or done something to make you upset, and to apologize if that’s the case,” you said softly, looking down at your shoes. “I've come to like you a lot, and I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

A pause. You felt like you might implode because of your nervous energy.

“I don’t dislike you,” he replied genuinely, tenderly brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. You looked back up at him in surprise.

“Really?” you asked hopefully. He chuckled a bit.

“Yes, (Y/n), you’re joyful and witty and ridiculously clever, I’m rather fond of you honestly,” he admitted. Now he was the one looking at the ground.

“Haldir, are you blushing?” you teased.

“Stop it,” he grinned, looking back up at you, a light pink spreading across his cheeks.

“I’m sorry if I made you think I disliked you, that was never my intention,” he apologized, looking at you like you were the most important thing in the world. “I was afraid of growing attached, which sounds selfish now that I’m saying it out loud,” he said, making a disgusted face. You laughed lightly.

“But that doesn’t matter now because I grew attached anyways,” he said, not meeting your gaze.

"Why would that be a problem?” you asked seriously.

“Because you are the child of two of the most powerful and respected elves in Middle Earth,” he said bluntly, “and I am a member of the elven guard.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I’m not good enough for you,” he clarified, “and every time I think about you, about how much I want to court you, I realize any lord could provide you with a much better life than I ever could.”

“Haldir,” you whispered, reaching up and cupping his face softly, “It’s you I want, not some prissy member of the court.”

“Your parents-”

“My parents won’t care,” you interrupted. “They are wise, and my mother taught me to love people for who they are, not what they have.”

“(Y/n),” Haldir whispered softly.

“Yes?”

“May I kiss you?”

You smiled and nodded, eyes closing softly as Haldir leaned down, bringing his lips to yours and pulling you into him.

“You are the most beautiful and intense being I have ever met,” he mumbled against your lips. You laughed and buried your face into the crook of his neck, trying to pull him as close to you as possible.

“I read your book,” he said softly. You pulled away and looked at him quizzically.

“The one about the Teleri elf?” you inquired.

“Yes, that one,” he nodded, smiling.

“Oh my gosh, you read my book!” you squealed, beaming with excitement.

“Tonight, after my patrol ends, would you like to come over and discuss it?” he asked, gazing at you adoringly.

“I would love that, Haldir.”

#haldir x reader #haldir #lord of the rings #lothlorien #lorien #fluff #oneshot #fanfic

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geekxgoddess85 · 4 years

Text

Very Bad Things

~PROLOGUE~ How It Began

“Are you sure a-about this Armin?”

“Of course, I’m sure. You trust me, right?”

Eren bit his lip, giving his childhood best friend a worried look. The two were currently on summer break from Trost University, going into their senior year. For Eren, junior year was a nightmare. If he was to be honest with himself, he had been slacking for the past two years so, when junior year came, he had to buckle down and keep his nose in the books in order to be able to pass the necessary courses to complete his credits. For college, staying an extra year on the count of not passing a course or lack of credits was more normal than one would think. But for Eren, he wanted to make sure he graduated the same time his friends did.

It was one week into summer break and Eren still felt the stress from taking his finals. It was the reason Armin was in his bedroom at the moment, making an account on—on behalf of Eren— on an adult live cam site called Strip ‘N Chat. Eren didn’t know how to feel about it. It was one thing to watch porn videos, but to actually interact with a person via webcam was kind of unnerving. Armin mentioned it was a great way to let off steam and when his best friend brought the idea to him, Eren was a bit…perturbed about it all. It was ironic, though. During their entire lives, Armin had been the conservative, stick-in-the-mud prude who used to balk at the very thought of sex, while Eren was the extroverted, loudmouth rebel. Three years into their college career and look at how the tables turned. Eren was still…well…Eren, but he found himself as the prude. The crazy thing was, Armin lost his virginity their freshman year during a frat party to Jean, of all people, while Eren was still a virgin. After his little tryst with Jean (and a couple of times afterwards), Armin began to blossom and open up in all ways, including sexual. He was openly gay and sexually active. And fucking proud of it all too.

The shit was crazy.

“Okay. Done.” Armin smiled and sat back in his chair. “You’re all signed up and I got ya’ logged in. Here’s your username and password.” He grabbed Eren’s sketch pad and began writing the information down. “Username is SlickxJagger and your password is Sk8terB0i30.”

Eren raised his eyes. “Slick…x…Jagger?”

“Yeah, corny, but cool, huh?”

“No!” He argued. “I sound like a washed up 90’s porn star!”

Armin shrugged and blinked his eyes innocently. “It’s a porn site, Eren. Everyone’s username sounds like a washed up 90’s porn star. Now, you’re all set! I loaded up that pic of you at Krista’s pool party.”

Eren sighed. He knew what picture Armin was speaking of. He posted it on his Instagram and had gotten a ton of likes. He didn’t think it was anything special. It was just him, with his red and white swim trunks on, holding up the hem of his shirt with his teeth, exposing his abs and various fake tattoos. He had grown his hair out—almost to his shoulders—and was a damp mess of a bird’s nest. Because of that and his long bangs, his face was pretty much hidden, though the sun light had shone just right on his sea green eyes, which caused them to sparkle and almost glow. “What do I do now?” He blinked owlishly.

Sitting forward, Armin clapped his hands onto the top of his knees. “Fill in your profile and filter out what you’re looking for. Then you can pick which Cam Model you like and subscribe to them. Every time they go live or post a pic or video, you’ll get a notification. Remember, some of that shit, they charge you tokens. It’s usually the more risqué stuff. The amount is based on their own discretion. And if you want one-on-one’s, you definitely have to pay out the ass with tokens.”

Biting his lip, Eren looked at his profile. He filled in the basic information about his age, height, and build, and his likes and dislikes. He answered everything to the best of his ability and honestly. The only thing he lied about was his name. Instead of his real name, he decided to use ‘Jagger’ as being his first name. He didn’t provide a last name. His preferences came next. He started clicking the various boxes. “Um….okay, I like brunettes. Height doesn’t really matter to me. A muscular body would be nice. Don’t care about ethnicity…..” He continued to click away, with Armin helping him on certain things. “Is that all? Did I miss anything?”

“Yes, you sure did,” Armin replied, with a devilish grin. “And I know exactly which to pick out of Twink or Daddy. Click on Daddy.”

Eren winced. “Ew!”

Rolling his eyes, Armin sighed. “Not that kind of Daddy, Eren. Duh! Daddy kink.” He watched his buddy blink cluelessly at him. “I can’t believe you don’t know what that is. Even I know, dude. It’s when a younger male twink is enticed by an older male ‘Zaddy’. That’s the gist of it. If ya’ wanna know more, google it!” Standing, Armin slapped his hands down on Eren’s shoulders, before wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck, hugging him from behind. “I gotta go. Mikasa asked me to fill in for her at the Café. Did you talk to Annie about your schedule?”

Eren raised his own arms up and behind him, awkwardly wrapping them around Armin’s waist…or trying to as much as he could while sitting in his red and black gamer chair. “Yeah. I have the same schedule as you now so that I can catch a ride with you.”

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Armin kissed the top of Eren’s head, before taking his leave.

Eren gave his buddy a lazy wave goodbye with a lopsided grin. When his bedroom door closed, his smile died down and was followed by a heavy sigh. He still didn’t know about this whole cam thing. But he was always up to trying new things. And if Armin liked it, then maybe it couldn’t be that bad.

Over the next hour, he had gone through dozens of pages of so-called Daddies. That process was a little more frustrating that what it should have been. Eren was picky when it came to who and what he found attractive. Not that it was a thing with him anyway, but he didn’t pick based on looks. He couldn’t because all models were required to wear masks for anonymity sake. He thought that was kind of neat. It gave the models a sexy, mysterious look to them. He had to go off based on their profiles and preferences. He had to weed out a lot of douche-bags but narrowed it down to two: The Captain and Dr. Pain. He was kind of skeptical about Dr. Pain. He looked to be into BDSM and while Eren didn’t have anything against it, he had never done anything like that. But Dr. Pain was 6”2, with impeccable styled blonde hair and chiseled features from what he could tell through the mask. They had a few of the same likes and dislikes. Overall, the guy sounded pretty normal, despite liking ‘a little pain with his sex’ (his own words). The Captain…well…there was something about him. He was a shorty, standing only at 5”3. Eren was a full five inches taller than he was. Not that it mattered. He didn’t think their was a height requirement to being a Daddy, but when he googled it, the norm was the Daddy was always taller and bigger than the Twink. They shared a lot of the same likes and dislikes, but what struck a chord in Eren’s heart was The Captain’s eyes. Even through his white, red, and black mask, Eren could see a pair of piercing blue-gray eyes. Almost a light cobalt. They pulled him in as if he were in a whirlpool, being sucked into the abyss.

‘What the hell?’

Blinking back into reality, Eren shook his head and walked to the kitchen. His stomach was roaring at him angrily to feed it. “Mikasa, are you hungry?” He called out to silence. Armin was gone to work, and it seemed like Mikasa had left to go some place too. So, he was alone.

Sighing, he kicked his door closed with his toes and plopped down on his bed. A sandwich and soda sounded real good right now and that’s exactly what he was chowing down.

It was a couple of minutes before ten when a notification sounded out. He thought it was his phone, but when he checked it, he saw that it wasn’t, he furrowed his brows. “Hm—oh! My laptop!” Scrambling off the bed, Eren rushed to the laptop and pressed on the ‘enter’ key to wake his system up. Checking his email, he saw one new message and blinked slowly. “It’s from Strip N Chat.” Biting his lip, he cautiously opened up the notif; reading every single letter that made up all the words.

“The Captain is now online.”

Swallowing hard, he clicked the link that took him straight to The Captain’s page. It was a simple page. There was a large blank box in the middle of the screen that said ‘The Captain’s Quarters’. The chat was at the bottom. There his stans already there talking to each other, waiting for The Captain to show.

And when he made his entrance, it was pandemonium.

“Hello Darlings, it’s your Captain speaking. Did you miss me?" Leaning forward, resting his chin on the backs of his fingers, he winked on cobalt blue eye. "Have I got a story for my horny little Ship Mates tonight.”

Eren watched a grin spread across his face, which he couldn’t see much of it. Like all the models on the site, The Captain wore some kind of masquerade looking mask that covered majority of his face. Only his eyes, hair, and his lips and chin were seen, as far as his face goes. His body…well that was another story.

“Wow….” Eren whispered, mesmerized by the guy’s body. His shoulders were broad, and his arms were toned. And as bright as day, he sported a winged tattoo on his chest, with what looked to be a matching one on his left hip. “That’s so hot,” he whispered. Eren had a thing for tattoos. He wanted some of his own but was too afraid of needles to get any. But fucking A if this guy didn’t look hot wearing his.

“…but first, looks like we got some virgins in the house.” He smirked; a pink tongue coming out to wet his bottom and top lips. “Come on.” His voice deepened, dropping one octave. “I don’t bite.....unless you beg me for it.”

Those very words and the way he said them sent a shiver down his spine and an electric shock to his dick.

“Crew, say hello to our newest Shipmates RainMan95, PoisonedL0v3r, and…SlickxJagger. Mmmm….hey Slick….just how slick is that tight, little hole of yours?”

“Fuck. Me.” Eren’s eyes went blind. He was caught. Hook, line, and sinker or whatever the fuck it was called. The guy had him. Him and his aching dick that was standing on end, making a tent in his sweatpants.

“Speaking of holes mmmm, wait until you hear this one. It about a cute, little Twink with a bubble butt that I ate. All. Fucking. Night. Long. When I was done with him he had a…Slick…hole too, Jagger.” Captain grinned widely. “Wanna hear the story, Crew?” He lowered his voice and his tone. Sitting back in his chair, he reached into his pants and pulled out his enormous, leaking cock and began to stroke it lazily. “Get out your dicks, my lovely little perverts. Come stroke with me down memory lane.”

‘Oh no…’

Eren was fucking hooked.

#VBT #Very Bad Things #Levi #Levi Ackerman #Levixeren #Levi x Eren #Ereri #Riren #Ereri Snk #Levi x Eren Fan #Fan Fiction #Fan Fic #Fanfiction #snk fanfiction #AOT Fanfiction

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deafseries · 4 years

Link

Ivan pulled the collar of his shirt up over his chin and bit down on it, staring at the little black screen in his hand. The room was dark and hot, the fan spinning rapidly, cooling him down in the mid summer heat. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his body, which could be credited to either the heat of the room, or the hand between his legs, pumping his cock to the video on his phone. One headphone was in, the other open out of habit, on the lookout for anyone coming down the hall. Of course, Ivan lived alone, but after growing up in a house full of girls who never knocked, some things just stuck.

He groaned into the his shirt, biting down harder on it, wishing it was the skin of the porn actor on the screen. Pretty pale skin, tinted red from the sex. His hair a blonde mess as he played along with the scene. Ivan would never admit to getting his rocks off to something like this. The pornstar’s slim legs stretched unfolded out from the red skirt he was wearing, the fabric bunching up at his hips as the other actor fucked him from behind. Ivan couldn’t remember what the scene was supposed to be, and he didn’t really care anyways. He’d skipped through the intro and the bad acting to the good part, anyways. The man- Charlie was his screen name. Charlie Angel. It was clearly fake, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t like Ivan was exactly looking for realism in his porn. Just the way “Charlie” sunk down, slowly going from his hands to down, down, down until his face was pressed into the mattress, soft and breathy moans leaving him.

The man fucking him leaned forward with Charlie on his chest, one hand going down and yanking his hair back. The angle of the video suddenly changed, so that the camera was in the smaller man’s face, and Ivan could see everything. The residue of cum across his cheeks and clinging to his dark eyelashes, his mouth hanging open, tongue lolling this way and that. The other actor was mumbling something that Ivan didn’t care about, his gaze focused on the way Charlie’s eyes were unfocused, whatever pretense that the title (“Skinny fem twink fucked hard for good grades”) gave leaving him. Suddenly, it didn’t matter if all of this was faked or how unrealistic everything about this was. All that mattered to Ivan was the way the pornstar’s voice hitched a few times as he was pounded harder and harder, his fingers curling in the blanket so tight. Ivan’s hand moved faster, panting a wet spot in his sleep shirt. He wished he could be the one behind him, the one fucking him and making him mewl like that and saying all the dirty shit Charlie was getting off on.

He came before either of the actor’s did, biting down on his shirt hard enough that he felt that his jaw would crack. Visions of Charlie grinding on his cock and clinging to him and calling him Professor (sir, master, daddy) flashed in his minds eye as he came into his hand and across his sheets. He shuddered, jerking his cock even after he came and panting through his teeth. The video continued to play, and Ivan watched with a blurry gaze while Charlie trembled and came, his knees spread just right so that the viewer could get a good view of his cock bouncing as he came. Ivan paused the video before the other actor could cum, freezing Charlie’s face with an expression of exhaustion and pleasure.

He scrolled down, absently skimming the comments before clicking on Charlie’s profile. It was the only one he was subscribed to. Which was just some wishful thinking, as the last video uploaded to his account was three years ago. Clearly, he had quit the porn industry for one reason or another. But Ivan couldn’t help but have some sort of hope that one day he’d return out of the blue with another video of him getting fucked or fucking or simply just touching himself. Why else would he keep the profile up? Either way, if he ever decided to upload again, Ivan would be first in line to watch it, dick in hand.

Ivan let his phone fall to the bed, pulling himself up with a wrinkle of his nose. The post orgasm clarity was hitting him, and he began to clean up after himself, wiping up the cum across his hand and on his sheets. He would go to sleep satisfied, with thoughts of Charlie’s face screwed up when he came dancing in his head.

Ivan had a day job. He did other things than just lay awake at night jacking off to pretty guys who wouldn’t give him a second look if they met him in real life. He was a librarian. Yes, he went to school for four years and memorized the dewey decimal system just to put books on shelves and deal with people who didn’t know how to use a printer. It wasn’t all bad, he supposed. He was able to provide people with a quiet place to work and read, and the teenagers of the town liked him, because he never got too much on them for hanging out in the reading nook. There was jack shit else to do in this town, so he didn’t really blame them. He was sorting the return books, setting them on the cart when he heard someone clear their throat from the front of his desk.

And when he turned his head to go through his script- Hello, how can I help you? The words died in his throat and he was sure that he froze like a deer in the headlights. Because on the other side of the desk was Charlie Angel. At first, he thought that his eyes were playing tricks on him after his jack-off session last night. But no, there he was. He was real. His messy hair, his green eyes and his body. He wore a blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into a pair of dress pants that seemed inappropriate for the hot weather. While Charlie seemed to have no problem wearing a skirt in porn, this was real life, Ivan had to remind himself. A messenger bag was slung over his shoulder, the front of it decorated with little band buttons. And more importantly, a shiny gay pride pin.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to stare?” “Charlie” snipped, crossing his arms over his chest. A frown was on his face, showing impatience. Ivan felt his face warm, and he laughed it off, quickly looking away to set the book he’d been holding down on the cart. He headed over to the front desk, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he felt like it could be seen in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” Ivan apologized with a smile, settling down on the chair behind the desk. It had been a big angle in all of Charlie’s videos that the man was of small stature. He was always a small twink or a skinny bitch or whatever. But that didn’t prepare Ivan for how true it was, and sitting down made him feel less like he was towering over him. “How can I help you?”

“I’d like to check these out, please.” He nodded to the three books that he’d set on the desk.

“Do you have a library card?” Ivan asked, though he assumed that the answer would be no. He’d never seen him here before, and he was pretty sure he would have remembered his favourite porn star checking books out at this library.

“Er. No. I just moved here,” he explained, his accent so much clearer and nicer in person compared to over his shitty headphones.

“Alright. Well, it’s free and only takes a second, if you’d like to sign up for one..?” Ivan offered. So he was new in town. That explained why Ivan had never seen him around here before. Ivan’s favorite pornstar had moved to his town. What were the odds of that? It was like some kind God was shining on him or something. Not like they would ever hook up or something. It would probably just be Ivan staring at him whenever he came into the library and then pretending he hadn’t just been imagining bending him over and fucking him.

“Yes, please.”

Ivan nodded, turning to the computer screen to boot up the system. His mouth was dry from those two simple words- “Yes, please.” It reminded him of how the other man begged to be fucked or begged invisible hands to touch him while he jacked off in front of a camera.

“Name?” His hands hovered over the keyboard, suddenly hit with the knowledge that he was going to know his real name. Not the ugly, punny nickname he used in porn.

“Arthur Kirkland.”

It was such a simple name, and this was all probably very mundane for...Arthur, but Ivan’s heart was pounding even harder. Arthur Kirkland. They went through the rest of the motions of setting up a library card for Arthur, eventually handing the little plastic card over to the man for him to sign as Ivan checked out his books. Two nonfiction, one an older-looking book that Ivan didn’t immediately recognize. The name Quatrefoil flashed across the screen, and he made a mental note to look it up when he got home. Or maybe as soon as Arthur left. As Ivan checked the books out, he finally mustered the courage to speak.

“So, ah...Did you move here for Britain?” He asked, stamping the card with the return date for the books. “I noticed the accent.”

Arthur nodded, freckly arms crossing over his chest once more. It seemed to be the default stance for the Brit. “Yes. Moved here a month ago.”

“What do you think of America?”

“It’s...Different. I like this town though. It’s cute.”

Ivan found himself smiling at the comment, feeling some sort of personal achievement that Arthur thought that his town was cute.

“When did you move here?” Arthur asked him back, those gorgeous eyes glinting with amusement when Ivan handed his books back over to him. “I noticed the accent,” he echoed Ivan’s words back to him with a teasing tone that Ivan would have loved to take as flirting.

“When I was 13.”

“Russia?”

“Mhm. Yekaterinburg.” Ivan didn’t think Arthur would know where that was. Most non-Russians just knew about Moscow and St. Petersburg. “It's the city with the tall domed church,” he explained for him, but it looked like Arthur had checked out of the conversation the second that Ivan said Yekaterinburg. Most Americans found it at least a little bit sexy when he spoke in Russian. Though Arthur could be no exception to that rule, Ivan instead assumed that Arthur just did not care about that. Even though Arthur had been the one to ask about it.

“Right.” Arthur opened his bag and slid the books in, and Ivan was able to glimpse what looked like binders and notebooks shoved snugly into it. Arthur wasn’t a student was he? Had he grossly overestimated how old Arthur was when he was filming and posting those videos? That didn’t make sense. He was trying to do mental mathematics in his head over exactly how old Arthur was, trying to call what year Arthur had said when he gave him his birthday for the library card.

“You’re staring again,” Arthur critiqued, clicking his messenger bag closed and looking up at him, meeting Ivan’s gaze. Ivan looked away, feeling embarrassment broil inside of him.

“Sorry. I was just wondering about your binders,” he quickly covered himself, so that Arthur didn’t think he was staring at his pin and being homophobic. Instead, it kind of just looked like he was being nosy. But Arthur just chuckled.

“I’m a writer. None of my stuff is published yet but...Yeah. It’s all rewrites and edits.”

“Oh. And you carry them with you?”

“Yes. Never know when inspiration hits.” Arthur gave a shrug of his shoulders. That got rid of Ivan’s concerns about exactly how old Arthur was, and gave way to something else instead. Curiosity. Arthur had quit porn in order to write? It gave him a sense of depth Ivan hadn’t been expecting. Of course, he knew that there was a person behind every one of Arthur’s videos. But that person was always getting a cock up his ass, so it was hard to imagine him doing anything but that.

“I actually have a meeting with a publisher soon, so..” Arthur said next, seeming like he was trying to make his escape without being too awkward about it.

“Right. See you around, then.” Ivan gave a nod to Arthur’s wave as he made his way out into the hot summer day.

That night, Ivan got off with Arthur’s name on his lips, and with a brand new fantasy in his head. Arthur bent over his desk or with his face pressed against his pillows. Abruptly, he didn’t need the porn in front of his face in order to make a mess of his bed.

Arthur didn’t make an appearance back at the library for a few weeks. Ivan should have expected that, considering the fact that he worked at a library and that most people didn’t complete books in a span of only a few days. But as time went on, Ivan got more and more nervous, thinking that maybe Arthur was scared off and just dropped the books in the return bin and left. He hadn’t meant to scare Arthur, but some part of him was telling him that he’d somehow been too overbearing, too talkative, maybe somehow let Arthur on that he jacked off to his orgasm every night.

So when he finally showed up again, the books pulled to his chest, Ivan tried not to seem too excited. He moved to the front of the desk, smiling happily as Arthur dropped his books on the front desk.

“Nice to see you again,” Ivan chirped, shifting the books off the top of the desk to check them back in. He glanced over to Arthur, taking in today's outfit. Black pants, with a faded graphic t-shirt hanging loose. He looked..Cute. A more casual than how he’d been dressed last time. As he approached, he pulled one of his earbuds out and let it dangle, bouncing a little bit on his chest whenever he moved. “Did you enjoy the read?”

Arthur nodded, the earbud that he’d pulled out of his ear bobbing. “I did. But I’ve read this-” he rapped his nail on one of the books- the one Ivan had never gotten around to looking up. Quatrefoil. “-a few times before, so I was just reliving it.”

“What's it about?" He crossed his arms over the top of the desk, leaning forward.

"Its about gay men during World War Two. It's really good. Sad, though."

"I can imagine." Ivan slid the books onto the return cart, only looking up when he felt Arthur's gaze on him. He glanced over, meeting his gaze. It felt like Arthur had been sizing him up when he hadn't been looking, and he quickly glanced away when Ivan caught him doing so. The next few seconds were awkward silence as Arthur clearly tried to politely make his way out of the conversation. He eventually mumbled something like “Right,” with a little nod, and stepped away from the desk, going to roam around the library. Ivan tried not to watch him while he thought about their brief conversation. He really, really hoped Arthur didn’t think he was homophobic. Between the staring at his pin, the talk about gay people in the book he was reading, he was really hoping Arthur didn’t think that he was one of those weird, semi-acceping straight people.

When Arthur came back up, he was checking out two Steven King Novels. The man was quiet, messing with his phone and not looking up at him until the books were checked out and Ivan was handing them back over to them. Arthur visibly hesitated, and Ivan was about to ask if he was okay before a piece of paper was placed on the top of the desk, and Arthur quickly whisked away before he could ask what it was.

It was Arthur’s phone number, with ‘text me’ scribbled messily under it. Ivan’s heart nearly stopped reading it. He almost couldn’t believe it. Ivan didn’t find himself very attractive (pretty plain, actually) so the thought of Arthur wanting to talk to him, maybe even something more. He found himself blushing furiously as he looked at the piece of paper, his body warming the more he thought about it.

9:43 PM - ✓✓

hey, this is ivan ^.^

9:50 PM - ✓✓

From the library haha

9:53 PM - ✓✓

Hi!

9:53 PM - ✓✓

Sry for the delay, work stuff.

9:54 PM - ✓✓

Its okay!

10:01 PM - ✓✓

So do you wanna come over tomorrow?

10:02 PM - ✓✓

Yeah sure :-)

10:05 PM - ✓✓

Okay. I'll send you my address.

In a day's time, Ivan stood outside the door to an apartment, a bundle of red roses in his hands. He hadn’t been sure about the roses, wondering if they made him come off as too formal, too forward. He had just assumed..He didn’t know what he assumed that this was. It wasn’t a date, but Arthur hadn’t said what it was. Were they just hanging out? It didn’t even occur to him that this could be strictly a hook-up thing until Arthur answered the door. He was wearing a loose Black Veil Brides t-shirt that looked like it had been through the wringer and a pair of ripped jeans. When he saw Ivan, he smiled, though Ivan could see a moment of confusion flash over his face.

“You brought roses.” He stated more than questioned. The smaller man stepped aside, allowing Ivan to go into his apartment. The place wasn’t small, but it was certainly cozy and it was clean. Ivan presented the roses out to Arthur, and he took them.

“I thought you would like them,” Ivan said, slightly unsure about the reaction he was getting from Arthur. This definitely wasn’t a date. Not with the way Arthur was peeking at him over the flowers, giving him a solid once-over before he turned and made his way to the kitchen. Ivan nudged his shoes off before loosely following, feeling more and more awkward. He stood in the doorway as Arthur filled up a vase with water.

“I’m kind of a flower killer, but thank you,” Arthur said, sliding the roses into the vase.

“Oh, it’s no problem.”

“How can I pay you back?” Arthur turned, leaning on the edge of the counter and watching Ivan from across the room. The reality of the situation he was in hit him all at once. This was a hookup. Arthur had invited him over to have sex with him. His heart skipped a beat, almost convinced that this was going to be a big joke. That at some point cameras were going to come out and Arthur was just going to laugh at him. But Ivan wasn’t living in some prank show.

“Um,” he spoke just to fill the silence, “you don’t have to. They’re just roses.” Very smooth. That made it sound like he didn’t want to have sex with Arthur. Because he definitely did, Ivan just...Wasn’t as smooth as Arthur, didn’t have the experience. He wasn’t a virgin by any means, it was just the flirting that tripped him up. He couldn’t navigate it correctly, didn’t know the right things to do or say. That didn’t seem to bother Arthur however. With a confidence Ivan wouldn’t have expected out of such a small man, Arthur crossed the room and took his hand in his own. There was a clear size difference, with the way Arthur linked their fingers together. Ivan could feel his heart in his ears.

“I want to, though.” Arthur tilted his head back, looking up at him with bedroom eyes he’d seen a million times before. He could only guess what was going on behind those eyes, what Arthur was thinking about him, about this whole situation.

“Okay,” Ivan said in a breath, watching with wide eyes when Arthur took one of his fingers and easily popped it into his mouth. In moments, blood was rushing down to his cock, making him half-hard in his pants. All from something as simple as the soft sucking on the tip of his finger. He sucked in a breath through his teeth just as Arthur eased the finger down his throat more, tongue working on the underside. He didn’t break eye contact.

Ivan swallowed, silently willing his voice not to shake when he spoke. “Why don’t you try that on my dick?”

Arthur gave a little noise between surprise and arousal, leaning back to allow Ivan’s finger to slide out of his mouth with a soft pop. Arthur looked up at him with a pretty smile, one he’d seen a million times before behind a screen. The man sunk down to his knees in front of him, hands messing with his button and zipper, eventually getting his pants and boxers down enough to get access. When his cock sprung out, the head was red and heavy, and Ivan couldn see Arthur’s eyes widen. But he still wrapped his hand around the base and leaned forward, giving the head a few tentative licks before sliding it into his mouth. Ivan groaned, one of his hands going down to settle in Arthur’s messy blonde hair. The warmth enveloped his cock, Arthur’s tongue and hand working the parts of his cock that his mouth couldn’t fit. Which was a considerable amount, considering Ivan’s size. Briefly, he wondered how his cock would even fit inside Arthur without hurting him. He’d seen Arthur take some pretty big cocks, but not to brag, nothing as big as his own size. Arthur seemed to be handling it pretty well, however, bobbing his head and working his hand around his cock eagerly. At some point, he hallowed out his cheeks and suked hard, and Ivan’s hips bucked forward.

“Shit, sorry-” Ivan apologized in a pant, and Arthur just pulled back to say;

“Do it again.” And popped his cock back into his mouth. Ivan happily obliged. With a hand holding Arthur’s head still, he began to thrust into his mouth, stopping short before he could completely push into the blonde’s throat. He didn’t want to completely choke him with his size. Arthur’s hand kept at the base of his cock, jerking it while his mouth was used for his pleasure. Then his hand moved down to Ivan’s balls, cupping them in a warm hand. Ivan gasped, hand tightening just that much in blonde locks as he began to fuck his face a little harder. He had worked up a nice rhythm and he was beginning to sweat, loving the way Arthur’s tongue pressed against his cock, how the back of his throat nudged against the head of it with no threat of Arthur gagging and getting sick. With a nudge, Arthur pulled off, going down and replacing his hand with his mouth, sucking softly on wrinkled skin as his hand was still working up and down on his cock.

“Oh fuck,” Ivan cursed softly, such a simple motion dragging him closer and closer to the edge. He was sure he would have cum from this, if Arthur didn’t fully pull back and look up at him with a proud grin.

“Do you wanna go upstairs?” He asked, thumb sliding over the head of Ivan’s cock. Ivan nodded quickly, not even thinking about it for more than a second.

A clumsy but quick change to Arthur’s upstairs bedroom had Ivan sitting against a headboard, tugging off his pants the rest of the way. His sweater followed, clothes piling up besides the bed. Arthur kneeled at the base of the bed, tugging his own clothes off. Now that he was getting to see Arthur’s body in real life, not on some scummy website, he was devouring it. The way he flexed and moved, the way his muscles moved under his skin. It had him jerking his dick as Arthur fetched a bottle of lube. Some part of him was starting to feel bad, starting to feel perverted over the fact that he’d already seen all of Arthur’s body in video. It almost made him feel like he was using the former porn star for sex. Those thoughts left him pretty quickly as Arthur climbed up into his lap and kissed him for the first time.

Ivan moaned into the kiss, putting his hands on Arthur’s hips as their lips slid together. He wanted Arthur bad, wanted to bend him over and fuck him. Arthur was the one to break the kiss.

“Did you bring a condom?”

The question, despite everything and the situation they were in, made Ivan blush.

“No..I didn’t realize we would be fucking,” he admitted, and Arthur just nodded, thankfully sparing him the embarassment. Arthur reached over and grabbed a condom from his nightstand, ripping it open and beginning to slide it on.

“Ah, you- you should prep yourself first,” Ivan warned, but Arthur just glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I prepped myself before you got here,” he said matter-of-factly. Ivan almost didn’t believe him until Arthur covered a few fingers in lube and easily slid them into his hole. The sight made IUvan suck in a breath. He still wasn’t completely sure if he would fit inside of Arthur, but he trusted Arthur to know his own limits. Arthur saying he was already prepared before Ivan had come kind of made Ivan feel uneasy. Arthur had known that they were fucking today, so why didn’t he realize it earlier?

That was another thing that was pushed out of his mind when Arthur hovered over him, tongue sticking out a little bit, positioning Ivan’s cock at his entrance.

“Oh, fuck,” Ivan breathed as Arthur slowly sank down. He was so fucking tight, so much tighter than he thought the blonde would be. His head fell back on the headboard, hands tightening on Arthur’s thighs. Arthur let out an opened-mouth moan, his knees tightening on either side of Ivan’s hips.

“It’s so fucking big,” Arthur groaned once he was all the way down, tossing his head back. Slowly, he started to move his hips in a grinding motion, leaning back and using the bed behind him to help move himself.

“Does it feel good?” He asked, surprised by how husky in arousal his own voice was. He used the hands on Arthur’s hips to guide him as he fucked himself on his dick. Arthur started to get more into it as he spoke, moving his hips a bit harder on top of him.

“Yeah,” Arthur painted. He opened his green eyes, holding Ivan at steady eye contact while his hips moved. Ivan wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist, pulling him close so that the two of them were chest-to-chest. Then using the grip to hold him steady, he quickly began to fuck upwards into his body. Arthur moaned, wrapping his arms around Ivan’s neck and keeping him close while they fucked. Pleasure zapped up and down Ivan’s spine, loving how tight Arthur was, how he squeezed around his cock and jerked against him with every thrust. Arthur’s breath was hot and heavy against his skin, coming out in short puffs. His fingers curled around Ivan’s back, digging his nails into his soft skin. That just pushed Ivan on further, fucking him harder as Arthur’s hips pushed down to meet his thrusts. Arthur was the first one to cum, his voice pitching into a few moans before he shuddered and moaned, cumming across their stomachs. It was just as beautiful as it was in the videos, with the added bonus of Arthur clenching around him and jerking his hips this way and that, trying to drain the rest of the pleasure from him.

Ivan groaned, his grip tightening on Arthur’s hips. And then he flipped, pinning Arthur beneath him and continuing to thrust into him. This way, he could see the way Arthur’s jaw went slack from overstimulation, the way his gaze went unfocused on his face. Flashes of porn flicked in Ivan’s minds eye of Arthur making that exact face into a camera. But this time, it was all for him. Nobody else could see them right now, with Ivan fucking Arthur into the mattress like Arthur hadn’t already finished.

“Fuck.” Was Ivan’s only whispered warning before he came, shoving deep inside of Arthur as he filled the condom. He paused, taking a moment to catch his breath before he slowly pulled out and flopped to the bed next to him, looking up at Arthur’s popcorn ceiling.He lay there in a stupor, only moving to watch when Arthur began to move.

Arthur stood up from the bed, lithe body pulling into a long stretch. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one, heading over to the window. It wasn’t until then that all of his thoughts about using Arthur for sex came back to him. But he realized, it had been the other way around the whole time. Arthur had been using him.

And he really wasn’t upset about it.

#fanfiction #hetalia fanfiction #aph england #aph russia #ruseng #aph ruseng

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