#hella nervous

[onebigfangirlworld]

not gonna be able to breath normal until the race is over fingers crossed for a norris win

[awkwardlyaaron]

I finally get my van back after a fucking week in the shop and I'm so damn excited! Ahhhh

[s0ftg1rl99]

and i don't know what sould i think

or how should i feel

all i have are prayers

i hope everything turns out alright

[nightynightghoul]

I have so many thoughts about the ghouls and the ministry.

So this is my take on what the abbey/ministry looks like + a lot of my own worldbuilding. (I made this in Inkarnate, which is meant for dnd maps and stuff.)

Be warned that this is like 2000+ words of what my head has come up with. So under the cut it goes.

I based it on actual abbeys. I've been to like two monk ones and a few convents where I live and abroad and this is what I came up with. I also attended a catholic nun school for a good while, so many of the things here are actually from my memories...

From what I've seen, abbeys are usually isolated and at least partially self-sufficient. Even when they happen to be in the middle of cities. The smaller ones are like a square corridor surrounding a courtyard and the bigger ones have many buildings with that pattern.

I'm not sure where this would be located, maybe Sweden, maybe the US. But since I Imagine the ministry being so old, it wouldn't fit in the US, since there aren't buildings this old or with this architecture.

I also read up on how abbeys work to bulk up the lore in this map and what goes on in the buildings.

So strap in because this will be long.

The biggest building in the abbey is the Grand Church (Ghurch), I headcannon that they have this very big beautiful sorta gothic style cathedral in the abbey grounds, since religious live does kinda go around services and all that. Them having this pretty church would also mean that there's no need for a chapel?

I also think ghouls are not summoned in the church proper but rather from a permanent circle/well. So there's the Summoning Well beside the church. They probably made it that way because it would be dangerous to have any sibling walking in there.

To the other side, there's a sacristy and a Papal Office. The sacristy is where Papa would have his ceremonial robes with his mitre and stuff. I also think it works as storage for service supplies. Things like incense, books, all the plates, cups, and things they would use.

Then the papal office would be the actual workplace for the current papa. Big ol wooden desk with lots of bookshelves, a sofa, probably one of those fancy liquor carts?

There's also a mausoleum close to the church. I mean, I needed a place to keep Nihil's corpse… But it'd be pretty useful to keep the memory of siblings that pass away in the abbey.

Under that are the Clerical buildings. I imagine that when people say “the ministry” it's the Clergy Offices they're talking about. Since most siblings/clergy spend their time within the abbey, it only seems logical to separate living spaces from working spaces to keep people moving and changing environments.

Since I also believe these buildings are super old then the most sought after and fancy offices and quarters would be on the ground floor (no elevator and all that). Which means Imperator probably has her office on the ground floor here along the past Papas and older clergy members.

The living quarters would be much the same in that Imperator, the Papas and now Copia have their rooms here. This building probably has a common room but most have their own kitchenette. Since it's such an old building, the interiors of the rooms have probably been remodelled many times. But it being built out of stone also means it's cold inside all the time.

Both buildings are inside a walled garden. I head cannon that way back, like a couple hundred years back the ministry didn't have a very good grasp of ghoul summoning, and they were sometimes more aggressive or feral than what they are now. (It's probably more of a case that in the olden times, clergy treated ghouls like shit, so they had more reasons to lash out and or kill someone) So they kept some of the abbey's buildings behind tall rock walls and wrought iron gates to add a little more protection. Since it's hardly necessary today, the gates stay open, but the walls are still there.

Then down the path there's the chapter house. What is a chapter house I hear you ask. It's the place where the people that live in the abbey talk and manage non religious things related to abbey life. So this would probably be where poor Aether get's relocated to do taxes and where other mundane office tasks are done. So accounting, admin work, grounds keeping and “housekeeping” are all located here.

Across from it is the Seminary. A seminary proper is like priest school, they go and study for a few years I think, and then they come out priests. But I imagine that in this case it's like a college/university thing, where siblings have Latin classes, horticulture, demonology etc... There's probably some teachers offices here and several classrooms raging in size from auditorium to 3 chairs and a letter sized whiteboard. It for sure has a pretty foyer thing. Imagine groups of siblings sitting around before or after classes, complaining how they thought Terzo's basic Latin class would be a breeze, but it's actual hell. This building has one of those pretty inner courtyards, fountain and all. I'd like to think some classes can be held there, like outside but not outside, you know?

Beside the Seminary, there's a school/nursery. I think couples that have children within the ministry can have the option to move into a bigger space together within the siblings quarters and their children will have a regular secular education until they are old enough to choose satanism or something else. The nursery part takes care of the babies and ghoul kits during the day or while the parents are busy.

I think joining the ministry and becoming a sibling is not something that happens easily or quickly. The same way, nuns spend a few years being novices before actually dressing and having the same responsibilities as their elders. Hence, the Novices Quarters. They are still part of the abbey's daily life, but they have to attend more classes at the seminary and are just a bit more separated from ghouls than regular siblings. Since they probably want to make sure they are really devout and prepared before seeing and interacting with an actual demon. Out of all the siblings and clergy, Novices would probably be closer to being actually “recluse” since in my head there's no way they can freely explore the abbey without accidentally running into a ghoul or walking in to a ritual or seeing things that shouldn't just yet.

In front of it are the workshops. I've seen some people headcannon that the ghouls not only have “jobs” in their downtime and retirement but also hobbies. Like fire, ghouls probably frequent the forge in the workshops or blow glass. Earth ghouls can maybe take the prettiest wood here to be turned into furniture. Ghouls and siblings would work together here to repair and maintain the abbey's physical structure.

Down the path there's the main storehouse. Pretty central in relation to the other buldings. It has 2 floors and a basement. That way they can keep everything, from ageing cheeses and wines to office supplies and staples.

Across the path there's the sibling's Infirmary. I definitely wanted to keep the ghouls and siblings apart in this case. Mainly, because if the building are so old, and they were protected by walls and gates, ghouls would most likely not be trusted to be left in the same building as sick and defenseless siblings. But I think that nowadays ghoul medical staff like Omega, Aether and Phantom work in between the “sibling” infirmary and the “ghoul” infirmary with no trouble. But ghouls do prefer to stay in their own infirmary, since it's closer to the dens.

The siblings quarters surround “Mother's garden” or “Lilith's garden”, both wings share a common room but since the buildings are so old they were built to segregate women from men. Hence, the two quarters wings, two office building and two distinct baths. This separation is ignored nowadays. One, people can have other genders. Two, the “sisters” side has been remodelled to accommodate families.

Like I mentioned when describing the siblings infirmary, there's also a ghoul infirmary. Much smaller and closer to the dens, this infirmary does not have much regarding sophisticated equipment. But it's rather used for minor injuries and easy to fix things. Although the second floor does have Omega's office and private rooms for ghouls. Like Dew (not me making a whole building to be able to imagine @littlemoon-beam fics and headcannons about Dewdrop) who's a frequent flyer of the infirmary.

Of course there has to be an outdoor space of recreation, so I made a “central” plaza with benches and a fountain in the middle (Is this where a high, zooted of his ass Rain has been seen naked? naaaah. Surely not). I called it “All hedonist's fountain” because I can and because it's a nice mirror to things called “All saints whatever”.

Behind the ghoul's infirmary, there's a huge stone wall and gate. That would be the dens. Since I headcannon that there are more ghouls than just the band ghouls, they also need a place to live. Hence, the “General quarters” of the dens, there's also the “band quarters” separated from it. They both share a common room, but they're not directly connected to it, and both buildings have their own little common room. I think the band quarters was the first building made to house ghouls and that's why it has it's own kitchen.

There's also the ghouls workrooms. I think this is where they would have a rehearsal room and other offices.

“Father's gardens”, “Lucifer's gardens” or more recently “Primo's gardens” are within the den's stone walls. (I like to think Primo keeps them all pretty for the ghouls). It has a little pond in it too, no fish though. Blame hungry water ghouls for that.

Across the dens there's the Library. When I was in school, that was the biggest, grandest, most secular place there was and I loved it. So I made this library huge. I separated it into two wings connected by a hall. The only difference between both wings is that the east wing houses all the older books, and it probably has a “restricted” section that only higher clergy members have access to. Maybe for the better, since they wouldn't want a curious sibling trying to summon lord Leviathan and pissing him off.

In the middle of the wings there's the scribes hall. I'd like to think that when people write ghouls working in the library this would be the place. They would probably have book binding equipment, scribes tables, the whole thing. All to maintain the old books in a usable state and register new information the clergy learns from hell.

By the library's east wing, there's "The observatory". Again included because my head needed a scenario and location for the quints to watch the stars. I'd say its a fairly tall tower with a glass dome, some furniture, some books, maybe a desk and telescopes.

There is of course a mess hall. I imagne a big kitchen on one side and a cafeteria like thing where most have their meals, or at least they can go get them to take to another place in the abbey.

Beside it there's a pretty herb garden, animal pastures, some crops, a barn, granary , mill and the greenhouses. I think it was @mac-and-thefox who came up with the idea of there being a farm like think within the abbey and my mind just ran with it. (Do correct me if I'm worng there).

Now there's only one more man made bulding in the map and that would be "Mountain's greenhouse". A true staple for ghost fanfics. It probably was a run down space abandoned by groundskeeping but Mountain wanted privacy + plants and everyone agreed he could do whatever with the little building. Not that Imperator needs to know that Mountain grows weed and hellish plants inside...

The whole eastern side of the abbey is flaked by a forest (ghouls need to have hunting grounds people.) In it there's Mountain's greenhouse, a small rocky hill "Starry hill" and under it a small grotto. More like a hole the water made within the stone, so it's now a tiny cave.

Of course I had to have "The Lake", or else this map would not fit any fanfic involving Rain and Dew. There's a small stream that crosses the abbey and ends up at the lake. Most siblings know to stay away.

The "Southern Clearing". A little clearing full of clover and flowers, a nice place for siblings to celebrate the solstices and equinoxes.

Finally, just beside the Summoning well there's a rocky hill with an old wrought iron door closing it off. I headcannon there are indeed tunnels and crypts running under the abbey but they're closed off now since they're dangerous. Doesn't mean the ghouls don't have a way to go in and out but it's still dangerous for humans. I think the more elusive ghouls, like Special and Cowbell stay here because they want the isolation. There absolutely are old abbandoned torture and sacrifice rooms down here. But modern siblings don't need to know that. (Also, I very much think old ghouls before Nihil and way back were not only not treated nicely or fairly but straight up chained or tortured sometimes. (I'm still in the air on the fact that Imperator knows this and threatens misbehaving ghouls with that along with banishment.)

[hwajin]

bro i'm about to hold a presentation i will LITERALLY shit my pants any second

[napping-sapphic]

It’s a simple transaction: you hold my hand and I repay you by blushing a lot and hiding idk what else there is to explain

[strrwbrrryjam]

susan grimshaw is a fascinating character to me because she is a character that is very much shaped by the period that she is living in and by her experiences

she lives in a time when women had minimal rights, with restrictions on voting, property ownership and education, and she is very much aware of that. it's shaped her as a person, carrying herself with a sense of practicality and strength, mindful of the challenges women would often face in the late 1800s

her experiences have installed her with a keen sense of self-preservation and resourcefulness, traits that are crucial for survival when your freedom and agency are heavily restricted by society, as well as when you're often on the run from the law

she is a formidable figure, who, despite living in a world surrounded by powerful men, is very much able to hold her own

however, while her period experiences have shaped her to be a strong figure, they also heavily influence how she treats the women in the gang

you see susan treats the woman in the gang with the approach of tough love, with emphasis on the "tough", sprinkled with a heavy amount of internalized misogyny

because while it's clear to me that she does in fact love the girls in the gang, particularly marybeth, karen and tilly. through her immediately jumping into action when she discovers that tilly was kidnapped, to those calm moments where the alcohol is consumed, the night is still and they're basking in the glow of the campfire, they spend their time singing and just talking as people do, there are instances where the love she has for them is clear

(she does have interactions with abigail and of course, molly but there aren't many, i don't think she interacts with sadie at all except when sadie first enters the gang. the only time i remember her interacting with abigail and molly is when she orders abigail to go back to sex work and when she tragically, wrongfully murders molly)

you see instead of uplifting the women to be strong and independent, which i would expect her to do, she instead upholds those traditions and gender roles that she has had experience with - believing that she women should be the homemakers and caretakers, ready to serve men whether by cooking, cleaning or with their body

she upholds the patriarchal norm that was very prevalent in the 1800s (and that still very much exists today) that women should prioritise a man's needs and desires above their own and she enforces this harshly, whether through harsh words or corporal punishment

it is so deeply ingrained within her, that if a woman deviates from this path, by not accepting traditional gender roles and for example, mary gillis, she judges and criticizes them for not doing so, shaming them for having ideas "above her station"

this makes her incredibly interesting to me because you think that an older woman who has lived in such tumultuous times and endured various hardships might challenge societal norms and empower other women, but she doesn't, she instead adheres to these traditional gender roles and instructs that other woman should do so too

i speculate this is born out of survival, that she has had experiences where she attempted to step out and often found herself facing extreme backlash and danger. finding that challenging the patriarchal norm was not only incredibly risky but ultimately futile, so she chooses to prioritize survival over resistance, even if it means sacrificing her own ideals and upholding a harmful ideology and works to ingrain this into the women, teaching them, in her own, harsh way, how to survive

in essence, susan grimshaw is the story of a woman who embodies the struggles of a woman learning to survive a world where everything was against her and instead of fighting against the norms, rather than challenging these norms, she becomes an enforcer of traditional gender roles, ensuring that other women adhere to these expectations

[hellagator]

Greta says!

Little stray mammals get eaten!!

[clownsuu]

I hope this question doesn't make you uncomfortable (extremely sorry if it does) but do you see howdy and wally as a couple? Your art of them is very sweet and I love it a lot

[looks at all my tagged ship art of them and then back at u]

yes HDGDGSH-

[lucienarcheron]

Spirit Meets the Bones - XIX

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse.

shoutout to @abruisedmuse for always being my beta reader <3

tagging: @climb-the-mountian / @vanserrass / @zenkindoflove / @readthelastpaage / @positivewitch / @clockwork-ashes / @animezinglife / @carolynmezzosoprano / @carnythian / @runningwiththeoceans / @secret-third-thing / @readychilledwine / @goldenmagnolias / @thedarkinmansfield / @mali22 / @maidr-00 / @electromagnetic-waves / @devilsfoodcake22 / @moonfawnx / @weesablackbeak / @ladywhilemia / @alohaangels / @moobell55 / @bibliophiliaxvignette / @easchies / @feysandfeels / @thelovelymadone / @corcracrow / @dawneternal / @teddyhoneybear / @sinnerrsworld / @gracie-rosee /@queenoftheworld1998 / @stormycleric / @wolvesnravens

Find it all here.

Eris hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off her during their visit, watching as she laughed at Lucien’s jokes, at Elain’s witty responses, and most importantly — he knew she could feel his eyes on her whenever her lips curled up into a smile at some quip he made that resulted in outrage by their hosts.

Eris Vanserra was hanging by a thread and his wife would be the one to snip away whatever was left of his sanity. And she didn’t even know to what extent.

He watched how animated she became since they’d arrived, so at ease with his favorite people, it made him never want to leave. 

But to their reality they had to return and Eris watched as Iris flushed in delight at the beautiful package of stacked books that Lucien had handed her. He nearly threw up when she turned to flash him a wide smile and then looked back at Lucien as they stood in the doorway. 

“This is for me?” she asked in hushed excitement. 

“For you.” Lucien confirmed with a chuckle.

“Are you su— you didn’t have to do that.” 

“Oh, but I definitely wanted to. Eris mentioned you’ve started studying and practicing healing so I think you’ll find these helpful to your studies.” Lucien said with a small smile then shrugged at her expression. “Perks of being close to Helion. I get access to endless amounts of information.”

“I helped him pick those out and might have sneaked in a book or two for fun in there.” Elain said with a giggle and Eris truly almost vomited in his brother’s doorway when Iris grinned.

“I can’t wait to read through these!” Iris said, glancing down at the books. Eris watched her throat bob and before he could stop himself, he gave her arm a little squeeze. She looked up at him and he could see the emotion she was trying to suppress before she looked back to their hosts and said earnestly, “Thank you. This visit has been wonderful. You’re both so kind.”

Elain waved a hand. “Please, we’re so happy to have you!” she gushed. “Eris, I have something for mother if you don’t mind taking it, please?”

Eris nodded and glanced between his wife and his brother then squinted at Lucien. “Say nothing to my wife.” he deadpanned.

Lucien promptly glanced at Iris and said in his most serious of voices, “Nothing,” which only caused Iris to chuckle as Eris flipped off his brother and followed Elain.

Iris watched as Eris left her side and hesitated to glance at Lucien for a moment, her hands gripping the stack of books tightly. She wasn’t used to this, having people enjoy her company and — and give her things. Finally looking up at Lucien, she found him watching her with a patient smile as if he could sense her overwhelming feelings of gratitude — sensing the hug she would love to give him but was hesitant to do so.

“Don’t be so horrified to stand here alone with me,” Lucien teased. “I’m not as nearly as awful to anyone as I am to Eris.”

Iris let out a small chuckle and shook her head. “This has been the highlight of my week.” She finally said, smiling warmly at him as they stood by the door. “Eris talks so much about you and Elain, I’ve been so looking forward to meeting you both. Thank you again for being so welcoming.”

Lucien waved a hand with a good-natured smile. “Please, thanks are not needed. We’d always be happy to have you,” he said then gave her a sly smile. “I hope you’re giving Eris as much of a hard time as possible?”

“I try to go out of my way to make fun of him as much as I can,” she replied with a small smirk. “You should be proud.”

Lucien laughed. “You’re everything I wanted in a sister-in-law,” he said and nudged her gently with his elbow. “Welcome to our very dysfunctional family.”

“Why thank you.” she said and gave him a half curtsey that had Lucien rolling his eyes. “It’s been very entertaining…to say the least.”

Lucien snorted. “I’m sure. You haven’t even properly met the other Vanserras yet.”

Iris’s lips twitched. “Not yet,” she said with a chuckle. “Eris keeps saying no but I don’t think that will last much longer.”

Her brother-in-law made a noise in response. “To be fair, they only met Elain once from far away so I see where he’s coming from.” 

She glanced down at the books in her hands once more and then back up at him. “I’m — I hope you know…your relationship with Eris is so important to him. And it’s important to me as well.” Iris paused here, unsure of how to explain how she felt in any other way than honestly. “I don’t have many — any friends really. I want us to be good friends.”

Lucien smiled more fully then reached a hand to gently touch her elbow. “We already are. Even better, we’re family now.” he said and Iris flushed happily. “I’m very happy for you and Eris. I look forward to watching him have more mental breakdowns because of you.”

Iris ducked her head and laughed softly at his teasing. “It wasn’t that bad.” she mumbled.

“Oh, it was the highlight of my whole year.” he said with a snort. “I will never let him live this down.”

“Spoken like a true brother.” she said with a chuckle that he echoed.

“It’s not every day I get to —” but Lucien stiffened and whirled towards the kitchen, Iris tensing beside him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Elain.” he said quickly and stalked towards the kitchen, Iris on his heels. 

They rushed in to find Elain standing frozen, her hands gripping a basket tightly with Eris holding onto her gently. He spared Lucien a glance before focusing on Elain again. “It just started.”

Iris watched as Eris slowly backed away for Lucien to take his place next to his wife, his hands touching her gently. “Elain, my love. What are you seeing?”

It took a moment for Elain to speak and Iris watched in fascination, her grip on the stack of books tightening as Elain’s eyes glazed over. She had only heard about what a seer could do but to see one in action…

“I see — fire.” Elain gasped, her grip tightening on the basket handle. “A ring of fire and blood. An eagle flying free. A crown dipped in crimson. A thread of gold.”

Eris’s eyes found Iris and she frowned at the tension in his body before turning back to Elain.

“Is she alright?” she asked quietly. “Is there anything we can do?”

Lucien shot her a small smile. “She’ll come to in a moment.” he said then turned back to his wife, a hand smoothing down her hair. “My love, do you see anything else?”

Elain blinked and Iris watched as her expression started to clear. She quietly said, “Every caged bird finds a way to flee. Some are stained red while some shed their cloaks and reign free.” She blinked rapidly and the basket slipped from her hands as she took a breath.

Lucien caught it easily, one hand on her shoulder to steady her. “Are you alright, dove?”

Elain blinked once more and shook her head, letting out a shuddering breath. “Oh.” she said softly. “I’m — I’m alright.” She glanced at Lucien, giving him a small reassuring smile then at Eris and Iris, who stood quietly. “I’m okay. It’s been a while since I’ve been hit suddenly with a vision. Usually, I feel them coming but this one snuck up on me.”

“Do you think something triggered it?” Iris asked quietly and if she hadn’t been watching Elain intensely, she might’ve missed the Seer’s small glance towards Eris and then back at Lucien.

“I — I think I was just so excited about you visiting, that’s all.” she said with a small chuckle. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed down her dress and then smiled at them. “Basket is ready to go.”

Iris smiled timidly then glanced at Eris whose gaze was narrowed on Elain.

“Are you sure everything’s alright?” Eris asked slowly and his gaze flickered to his brother. 

Elain’s lips thinned. “You know it takes a little time to process my visions but I think…I think a shift is coming.” she said carefully, a hand gently rubbing her forehead.  “You should be prepared for anything.”

Iris’s brows furrowed as she glanced between the three of them. “That doesn’t sound ominous at all.” she said as unease spread through her chest. Her gaze focused on how Eris had tensed, his fist clenching at his sides. At how he nodded and gave Elain a small smile.

“I’m nothing if not prepared for everything,” he said and straightened. “It’ll be fine.” 

A silence followed this statement and Iris frowned as her gaze shifted between Elain, Lucien, and finally settled on Eris. “Well. That’s reassuring, I guess.” she said, earning a chuckle from the group.

Lucien waved a hand as if to wipe away the tension and said with a small smile. “I did say this family was dysfunctional.”

“Indeed…” she said and raised her brows, nodding her head towards Eris. “I’ve picked up on that living with this one.”

Eris shot his wife a look then rolled his eyes and reached out to Lucien for the basket. “Well now, we, unfortunately, have to get back to the dysfunction.” 

Iris sighed, sparing him a glance then smiled at their hosts. “Thank you again for today. I hope we can visit again soon.”

“You’re always welcome,” Elain said with a wide smile. “I look forward to us bonding more.”

“Absolutely,” Iris replied with a smile of her own, her hands tightening on her gift from Lucien and lifting it slightly in his direction. “I hope you don’t mind if I share some thoughts about what I learn.”

“You better.” he said firmly. “I’m also looking forward to hearing about you being more violent towards my brother.” Lucien added with a grin. “Choke him once or twice, just for me.”

Iris shifted the books in her hand to give him a salute as Eris scowled at his brother. “You have my word.”

“Tell your husband to stop being an ass.” Eris said to Elain who grinned.

“Tell him yourself.”

“It hurts my eyes to look at him. I’d rather not.”

“Eris.” Iris chided. “Be nice.”

“He wants you to choke me.”

“Don’t pretend like you won’t have it coming.” she said with a snort and her husband’s scowl deepened at the laughs that followed. “I’ll try to teach him better manners for our next visit.”

“Good luck.” Lucien said with a snort of his own as Elain squeezed Eris in a hug. “My mother has been trying for years.”

“I have excellent manners,” Eris replied with a huff, squeezing Elain with his free arm. “You just seem to bring out the worst in me.”

“I don’t know about excellent.” Elain said and laughed at the look he gave her but ignored him as she yanked Iris into a bone-crushing hug. Eris’s focus shifted to Iris’s slight hesitation before she returned Elain’s hug with a fervor that had Eris swallow. 

Lucien met his brother’s gaze as Elain pulled away and tilted his head towards Iris with a small smile. Rolling his eyes, Eris gave a short nod and Lucien replaced Elain, giving Iris another tight hug.

“I should’ve known you two would be huggers.” Iris said as she pulled back with a flushed face and their hosts shared identical grins.

“Oh yes.” Elain said with a nod. “Even though these two pretend to hate it.”

Almost as if on cue, the brothers shared an identical look of disgust.

“Lucien.”

“Eris.” 

“Here we go.” Elain muttered.

“Hugging you is like hugging a thornbush,” Lucien said with a sweet smile that wasn’t sweet at all. “I am left wounded and bleeding.”

“And hugging you is like hugging death.” Eris replied with a not-so-sweet smile of his own. “I am left soulless and barely breathing.”

Lucien laughed. “You’re soulless all on your own. Don’t go blaming me for that.”

“I really should’ve stabbed you when I had the chance earlier.”

Lucien put an arm around Elain’s shoulder and flipped Eris off with his free hand. “Fuck you.”

Eris held up his own finger. “Fuck you.”

Iris shared a look with Elain then rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how you’ve dealt with them like this all the time.”

“Practice.” Elain said with a grin that turned menacing as she gave both brothers a look. “And polite threats.”

Iris laughed then nodded her head towards Eris who quirked a brow at her. “I’ll choke him into submission for next time.”

“I’d rather not keep talking about my personal choking preferences in front of my brother however, if you insist —” Eris started, but Iris held up a hand with a look of disdain, effectively cutting him off as Lucien gagged loudly and Elain laughed. 

“Anyway,” Iris said, ignoring the suggestive Eris look he was giving her. “We’ll visit soon after the embarrassment of this visit wears off.”

“Please.” Lucien snorted. “We were on our best behavior.”

Iris gave her brother-in-law a knowing look that Lucien could only smile at. 

“Next time, come alone.” Elain said with a wink. “We’ll kick Lucien out then have ourselves a day of fun without them.”

A noise of outrage left both brothers and the girls could only laugh at the offended debate that followed.

And Iris couldn’t help but watch Eris with Lucien and Elain — the conversation continuing from the door to the trek of their winnowing point. She watched him as she conversed as well, until it was really time for them to leave, watching the delighted smirk on his face, how at ease he was.

When they finally departed, winnowing home, the two paused at the threshold of The Forest House and Iris watched as Eris’s expression fell into the stoic indifference he donned when home. She realized more than ever at this moment, how much she didn’t like it. How exhausting this must be for him.

Visiting Elain and Lucien had been a break and now they were back to reality. 

They walked in silence towards their wing, her hand tightening on her stack of books as she walked beside him and felt the tension coming off him in waves whenever they passed others in the halls. She hadn’t missed the glances people aimed at them and neither had he. Had word spread of what Eris had done to her father? Would it — would he have to pay a price for it? Iris stole a glance at him, noting he had only spoken when sending off his mother’s basket with a sentry. 

As they neared their chambers, Iris finally spoke.

“Well,” she began, glancing up at him. “I’m really glad we went.”

Eris gave her a thin smile, slowing down their walk. “I’m glad we did too,” he said quietly and met her gaze. “I…enjoyed watching you bond with them.”

Iris gave him a small smile, gently nudging him with her elbow. “They’re easy to like.”

“That they are.” he said and he let his eyes wash over her face, drinking in the sight of her looking at him, then looked away. “You weren’t ready to come back, were you?”

“Not really.” she said, the corner of her mouth ticking up. “Were you?”

“I never really am.”

Iris frowned slightly at the words but said nothing as they continued walking until they finally reached their chamber doors and stopped. Iris faced him and eyed the small distance between them, then glanced up at him, assessing. She watched how rigidly he stood, his hands clasped behind his back, the detached expression she had come to see through. Iris knew he carried a huge burden, and knew how heavily weighed down his shoulders were. The way his joy had to be so guarded that he couldn’t enjoy a simple outing. And gods, did she feel seen in his emotions. Seen in his struggle because hers had always been the same, was the same for so long.

He raised a brow at her expression. “What is it?”

Iris bit her lip, hesitating for a moment. Yes, things had shifted between them. They had been changing for weeks and now… 

She took a deep breath and finally asked, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” 

Eris pursed his lips and waited a moment before clearing his throat and answering, “We have a lot to discuss, I’d say.”

“And you’ll tell me everything?” she asked and the side of his mouth lifted. 

“I assume you won’t resist badgering me with questions until you get all the answers you want.”

“And I assume you’re smart enough not to let it get to badgering because then I will badger you with a weapon.” she said sweetly and Eris chuckled quietly. 

“You’re being mean, little gazelle,” he asked and shifted closer, his expression lightening even as his eyes monitored the space around them. “Threatening a prince so casually like this.”

She watched him as he scanned their surroundings, no doubt searching for any threats even with them being the only ones in the hall. Threats that were likely more worrisome for him now after what had happened earlier today.

After their kiss. After they shifted to a little more than friends.

Iris didn’t want him to keep worrying and she didn’t want to think about stepping back into their room just yet. She wanted to ease whatever it was that he wasn’t telling her. 

So she took a step closer.

“And what are you going to do about it, prince?” she asked quietly and Eris quirked a brow.

“What would you like me to do about it, my lady?” he replied, the drop of his voice straightening her spine. 

Iris bit her lip, watching him as he watched her. What did she want him to do about it? She thought about the way he had held her earlier. The way his hands had pulled her in his arms and kissed her senselessly. She may have kissed him first but Eris had really kissed her and now she wanted to do many things with him. To him. Let him do things to her.

Heat pooled low in her stomach and Iris hated the flush on her cheeks that definitely gave away where her thought process was going. He didn’t need to know what she was thinking about so she only shook her head with a small smile.

“Stuff.” she managed and knocked her elbow into his side again.

He met her gaze and shot her a knowing look that had her lips twitching. “Stuff similar to those things you refused to elaborate on during our visit?”

She shrugged with a small smile. “Maybe.”

He snorted and shook his head. “Let’s not backtrack to that maybe of yours. You’ve been very agreeable lately.”

“Well, we can’t have that now.” she said with that same small smile. “I was maybe going to elaborate but I don’t find that I am in an agreeable mood anymore.”

Eris shot her a look of disbelief then huffed a laugh. “She says as she clearly can’t keep her hands off me.”

“You let me. And you like it.”

He raised his brows. “Someone thinks highly of themselves. I don’t even like you,” he said and Iris saw him fighting back a smirk at the look she shot him. “Besides, you’re the one who denies yourself things you enjoy. And by things you enjoy, I mean me.”

“I don’t enjoy anything about you.”

“Your pretty mouth says such unbelievable lies.” 

She gave him a coy smile. “You think my mouth is pretty?”

“Don’t fish for compliments. You already know the answer to that question.”

“Well, if you’re not going to compliment me, I guess I won’t be agreeable after all.” she said, giving him her best dismissive look, nose in the air. 

Eris fought back a smile, knowing exactly what she was doing with this conversation. He couldn’t help how tense he became as soon as they returned, his home hadn’t been a safe place in so long. It certainly didn’t feel like a safe place for her either. 

But she was getting to be very good at distracting him. His wife. His mate. Who didn’t even know she was his mate.

“Maybe we should step inside.” he finally said. “I think you’ll be more agreeable behind closed doors.”

He watched her swallow, glancing at him, giving him only a moment to see the look on her face — only a second to read the emotions in her eyes then, Iris slowly turned to face the doorway.

Eris’s eyes narrowed as he watched her stand there. He gave her a moment and just as he opened his mouth to speak, she beat him to it.

“I know I said that I wouldn’t let him ruin anything else for me…” she began quietly and Eris’s jaw clenched at the mention of her father. “But… I really hate that he tainted our space.”

Eris pursed his lips then slowly rested his hands on her shoulders to turn her back towards him. Never mind the way his heart had thudded at her usage of the word our.

“I will set additional wards first thing tomorrow morning that will only allow a person you actually want to come in.” he said. “It will prevent anyone from setting foot in here without official permission.”

Iris nodded and she glanced down at the books in her hands again, worrying her bottom lip before she met his gaze once more. “Do you think we can rearrange things in there? Just a little bit. To make it different?”

The corner of Eris’s mouth ticked up and he stepped back from her. “I may have already started on that.” he said and her brows furrowed in question. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well.” he began and a hand came up to rub his neck. He hesitated for a heartbeat as she watched him then let out a breath. “I have a small surprise for you that may have already required some rearranging.” 

Her face lit up. “A surprise?”

“Yes.” he said and immediately swallowed, suddenly self-conscious that it was a stupid idea and maybe, he shouldn't have said anything. This day had been long enough, he didn’t need to see her disappointed — they hadn’t even scratched the surface of disappointment she might feel once she knew she was shackled to him forever —

But then she smiled at him, a beautiful little smile and Eris suddenly couldn’t breathe. 

“Show me.” she demanded immediately and Eris’s lips twitched at the excitement in her tone, any negative thoughts washing away.

“Don’t — don’t get too excited,” he said and moved around her to place his hand on the doorknob. “It’s not a big deal.”

Iris shot him a reprimanding look. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

“If you don’t like it or the setup of the room,” he began and licked his lips. “We can change it however you’d like.”

He felt her amusement as her expression shifted and Iris tilted her head. “If I didn’t know any better, husband,” she began in a teasing tone. “I’d say you’re nervous.”

Eris immediately scowled, willing himself not to flush at the very spot-on accusation. “No.” he said. “I just don’t want to hear your whining if you don’t like it.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Right.”

“It’s true. I am perfectly not nervous.”

“Of course you’re not.” she said and his scowl deepened at the placating tone. 

“My nerves are made of steel.”

Iris nodded, her lips twitching. “Of course they are.” 

“I’ll have you know, I can make this little surprise go away if I wanted to.” he said, squinting at her and Iris couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her.

“But you won’t.”

Eris’s expression pinched in distaste and he was silent for a moment before sighing and finally, opening their door. “No, I won’t.”

Iris slid into the room past him and Eris didn’t take his eyes off her as he locked their door and warded it. He felt the barely contained excitement as she scanned their room, noting the minimal changes that were sufficient enough to give their chambers a different feeling.

Her excitement mirrored his own and Eris couldn’t even remember the last time he had surprised anyone with anything. As Iris turned to him with furrowed brows, he realized he enjoyed this excitement a little too much.

“Where is it?” 

His lips twitched as he slowly took the books from her hands and sent them to the table by their bed with a wave of his hand. “You’re one of those people, aren’t you?”

“Who?”

“When you’re excited, you suddenly can’t see anymore.” he said with a snort and moved behind her to place his hands on her shoulders and turn her to face the corner where her surprise was nestled.

Iris made an offended noise. “I can see perfectly fine! I — oh.”

Eris watched as she fell silent, staring at the corner of their living space. 

Seated against the wall, right in front of their large window was something he had wanted to give her for weeks. Something he had terrorized its maker, hovering over the luthier as he worked to ensure it was perfect. 

“A piano.” she breathed and Eris’s fingers clenched as she slowly walked over to it. 

It was a stunning white piano plated in gold. He had wanted to give her something that was hers and couldn’t think of anything as elegant as these two colors together in an instrument she made magic with. 

Iris touched the edge of it then looked at him and softly said, “You…you gave me a piano.”

He fidgeted for a moment, his fingers twitching at his sides and Iris felt his nervousness, his uncertainty alongside his well-hidden excitement. 

“I…know there is one you use in the music room.” he began. “And I know you had one before you met me but…” he took a breath and waved a hand. “I figured you would like one that was more private and truly yours. One that has no bad memories associated with it.”

Iris swallowed and turned back to her beautiful new gift. Of course, he would notice when she went to the music room and played to her heart's content. But it had still been in a public space. 

This — this was all hers. 

All hers and —

Iris moved closer and slowly took a seat on the piano bench, her eyes on the engraving right above the keys, in lovely cursive writing: Iris Vanserra.

She glanced at him but Eris only shrugged and gently slid into the bench next to her. She could hear his heart beating as frantically as hers. “You’re my wife. It’s about time your married name was engraved on something.”

And Iris couldn't take her eyes off him as her throat bobbed. This day had started horribly wrong until it was righted once more and, here he was, making her feel…wanted. Like she belonged. 

Like she mattered.

“When did you even have time to do all this?” She asked in wonder and Eris gave her a soft smirk.

“The devil works hard but he does take lessons from me.” He said and gave her a wink. “And I work much harder.”

A small chuckle escaped her lips and she couldn’t help but look away from him, from the way he was making her feel. “But of course.”

“Do you...like it?” he asked quietly and Iris looked up at him then. His expression hadn’t shifted as he watched her but again, she could sense his nerves — saw the way his fingers twitched at his sides.

So she leaned closer to him and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. “I love it.” she said earnestly. “I love it so much it makes me overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed?” he asked, his brows furrowed as his fingers absently brushed the cheek she had blessed with her lips.

The corner of Iris’s mouth ticked up as her eyes fell back onto the piano, with her name engraved there, marking it as hers. “You’re the first person who gave me a gift.” she said then glanced at him. “First it was the dagger and now this. Then Lucien and Elain with their books…I’m just…”

She paused, trying to find the words to explain how much this meant to her. That her interests were taken into account. How much it meant that people took the time to present her with something she liked.

“Overwhelmed?” Eris supplied with a crooked smile and Iris chuckled.

“Yes.” she replied and nudged him gently. “I also feel grateful.”

Eris nudged her back. “For having such a handsome, thoughtful, and smart husband?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well if you say it like that —”

“Don’t ruin the moment, wife.”

Iris laughed and her hands reached out to gently press the keys, finding the piano perfectly tuned. With a small smile, she glanced at her husband — her friend, and asked, “Do you want me to play a song for you?”

“No.” he deadpanned. “I only have it here for you to stare at.”

Iris snorted then nudged him hard with her elbow. “I was going to ask you if you had any requests but never mind.”

“Well, actually —”

But Iris held up a hand. “Nope. You lost that privilege,” she said and it was Eris’s turn to roll his eyes. “I will play a song of my choice.”

His lips twitched but Eris just waved a hand and then turned so he could watch her properly. “By all means, wife. Dazzle me.”

Iris shot him a look then shook her head with a small smile and Eris watched as she took a breath and turned to the piano fully. With her eyes full of delight, she said, “I think you’ll like this one.”

And his stupid heart did a spasm as she began playing the beginning notes of the song that had haunted him since the first time he heard her play it.

Everything in Eris came to a halt as he watched her fingers move. Again, he saw the melody and felt the notes vibrate in his bones. He saw the gold thread between them, weaving around them, and felt his expression falter.

How would he tell her? 

Everything about their relationship had gone at a speed neither of them had been prepared for. How was he supposed to take that and launch it into the sun? How could he tell her when she was only ready for small doses of him?

Things between them had always had a sense of intensity but had she picked up on it? Was it only from his side? He had made the mistake of giving parts of himself to the wrong person before...he didn’t know if he’d survive another round of that. Especially with Iris. His gods damn mate. 

Everything about Iris had felt right. Even when he hadn’t wanted it to be. Could he trust that she truly saw him and would choose him outside of a bond? His attraction to her had only intensified as time went on…but was it enough? Could he offer her more? Especially when this bond — this link would put her in a position of harm worse than before?

Being his wife was one thing. Being his mate put a much higher price on her head. 

He watched her hands move then closed his eyes for a moment, to feel the music beneath his skin and feel the gold thread of fate between them. Did he dare tug? What would she do?

A mate trumped marriage in every way. This was being bound on another level and he’d be damned to give that up when she’d barely begun to trust him. 

But did he lie to her? Omit such a sacred truth? Eris had always kept secrets so very close to his chest because the more people knew, the more people were hurt. And he wasn’t his father. He wouldn’t hurt people for the sake of hurting them. 

So how could he tell her? 

The end of the song came before he was ready and as her fingers slowed, and the final note sounded through the room, Eris finally opened his eyes to gaze at her lovely face, flushed in that cautious joy and his hands turned clammy.

She smiled at him and even though he was well aware of how fucked he was, it hit him just how fast and hard he was falling. Being mates did nothing but intensify what he had already been feeling.

“Well?” she said with that coy little smile that made his blood heat. 

“That…was the song I was going to request.” he said quietly.

Iris shrugged as her lips curled up. “You told me to play it again when it was a good moment.” she said. “This…is a really good moment.”

He studied her expression, drinking in the sight of her before him, open and calm, and Eris couldn’t stop himself then — couldn’t hold himself back any longer from tasting and touching her. He wanted her so intensely, so intimately, he was likely going to lose his mind if he didn’t mark her as his in some way. This need to consume her in every way slammed into him and before he could stop himself, Eris pulled her into his arms and devoured her. 

A little gasp was the only sound that Iris could make as Eris kissed her, nearly hauling her into his lap. He kissed her in a way that had every question, every concern, every thought she had fade away.

He kissed and teased her with his mouth, his lips a branding on hers and Iris couldn’t help the way she melted into his arms, taking from him as he took from her.

Until he pulled away, his hands cupping her cheeks as his eyes cataloged her face as intensely as though each expression of hers was a puzzle to decipher. She licked her lips as she caught her breath and saw the way his eyes lit up in feral delight. He kissed her again, his tongue brushing against her lips before pulling back once more. 

“Who knew a little piano would get you this worked up?” she mumbled breathlessly and Eris’s smirk was roguish. 

“Being in the general vicinity of you gets me worked up, wife.” he said and Iris swallowed at the rough edge to his voice. “You have no idea the things I want to do with you.”

“Like what?” she nearly whispered, her heart thumping widely. 

“So many things.” he said quietly, his thumbs caressing her cheeks gently. “Very dirty things.”

“You’re a scoundrel,” she said as he grinned at her burning cheeks when she pulled back from him and Eris dropped his hands.

“I am a gentleman.” he corrected. “With scoundrel-like tendencies that I am happy to show you more of.”

Iris shot him a look, fighting back a smile that had Eris’s own lips twitching. She shook her head and finally looked back at the piano.

“I appreciate the offer,” she started with a glance at him. “But I think we need to do other things first.”

Eris braced himself, tensing slightly. “Eager, are we?” he said tightly and Iris rolled her eyes then smiled sweetly.

“To get answers? Yes, very.”

Eris pursed his lips. He supposed this would be his chance to tell her. He…he had many things to tell her but…did he trust her enough? She was his wife and his mate but that didn’t mean those things couldn’t be twisted to be used against him. It didn’t stop her from ruining him if she wanted to.

“You said you would tell me what’s been going on.” she said slowly and he realized her gaze had drifted to his clenched fists. He immediately relaxed his hands.

He certainly needed to work on his trust issues but Iris…she trusted people as little as he did. He grimaced. Hiding what they were to each other wouldn’t help. He turned from her, his gaze flickering around their room. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He supposed the consequences of having a wife he actually liked were now catching up to him. 

He couldn’t just ignore her. 

Taking a deep breath, Eris ran a hand through his hair and then focused his gaze on her. 

“What do you want to know first?” he finally said.

Iris pursed her lips and fell silent for a moment. This could be her chance to ask him anything. Everything. She knew something had shifted during their visit. He had said whatever he was feeling, she hadn’t done anything wrong but…something between them had changed in his mind.

She certainly enjoyed the kissing. And the touching. Very much. And the more they kissed, the more Iris felt this sense of urgency from him. Eris had always been intense but the way he seemed to want to…claim her took on a different emotion. They were married after all, and if there was anything about their marriage she was expecting, it wasn’t that Eris would be patient about the intimacy part of it. 

The idea of taking things further didn’t really scare her. She wanted to explore more with him, especially when she wasn’t experienced in intimacy the way he was. But more…also required more vulnerability from her. More from him as well. He was used to having sex that meant nothing but between them…she’d like to think it would mean something great. And greatness needed to be worked up to. Iris wasn’t sure if he’d shut down if she went with a question about feelings.

So she started with a different subject.

“Elain’s vision.” she started and noted the way his fist clenched. “It meant something to you. To them. I saw the way you reacted.”

Iris watched him and noticed the way the muscles in his jaw flexed.

“Yes.” he said carefully. “Elain…has had similar ones for some time now.”

“But this one seemed…more significant?” Iris asked just as carefully and she watched him work his jaw again before he answered.

“Yes.”

Iris paused at his tone, her mouth going to a thin line. “Is it that bad? That you’re only giving me one-word answers?”

Eris sighed, the sound was more tired than she’d ever heard from him and she furrowed her brows.

“Iris.” he began and gave her a brittle smile. “You should know by now, that almost anything that has to do with me is bad.”

Iris refused to take the bait on the statement and instead, held out a hand. He glanced down at her open palm and slowly slid his hand into hers, his eyes locked on their fingers interlacing.

“Eris.” she said calmly and he met her eyes. “I know this is hard for you.”

He raised a brow.

“I thought I saw it before but…” she started and shook her head. “Seeing you outside of this place. Away from it all. Then having to come back…I understand how hard this is for you.”

Eris swallowed and glanced down at his hand in hers. “Do you?” he asked so quietly, it was barely above a whisper. 

“I’m trying to.” she said. “But I need you to talk to me about it.”

Eris let out a humorless chuckle and glanced at his wife. “Talking…is very hard for me.” he said. 

“I know.”

He glanced away again. “I don’t trust myself to say the right things.”

Iris shrugged. “I think it’s okay if you try.” she said then nudged him gently with a small smile. “Or did you talk yourself out with Lucien earlier? You reached your talking limits for the day?”

The corner of his lip lifted. “I am a male of few words.”

Iris’s lips twitched. “That is a lie and you know it. You love hearing the sound of your own voice.”

Eris chuckled and met her gaze once more before sighing. “Do you understand how…heavily guarded my secrets are?” he said quietly. “I risk too much by sharing.”

But Iris didn’t reply. She only squeezed his hand and waited. Waiting for him to speak, to say what he needed to say.

Eris’s heart beat wildly in her chest. What did he even start with? He needed to tell her so much. So many things. About his mother. About his brothers. About his father. About them. 

So he started slowly. “Things are never what they seem in this court,” he said. “We are seen as cutthroat. A court of many faces. People who live in their forest of nightmares, with sinister smiles and bloodthirsty goals.”

Iris couldn’t help but shrug her shoulders at that statement. “To an extent, that’s true.”

“As you said, to an extent.” he agreed. “But we’ve also been living under the rule of a tyrant for so long that there is fear in the desire to be different. Very deep-rooted fear. Because my father…” Eris paused here and ran his tongue across his teeth before he continued, his voice low. “My father loves his throne. Loves his power. He loves what he can benefit from his people but the people themselves…he does not care for.”

“That much is clear by the way he treats his family.” she said quietly and Eris nodded.

“His grip is so tight, he doesn’t realize how long he’s been suffocating everyone.” he resumed. “But he doesn’t care. Power is power and a High Lord holds all the power.” Eris looked away from her. “I’ve told you before that there are pieces at play. That much has always been true but things have…they’ve gotten more desperate in the past few years.”

“That’s why you have so many more people loyal to you than your father? Even…your brothers?” she asked and Eris nodded tightly.

“The tides started to turn years ago and people want out.” he said. “Elain’s vision…Everyone wants out of this misery. Where fear is high, money is tight, and trade is even tighter.”

“Doesn’t he see how this is going to backfire?” Iris asked with a frown. “Why would he jeopardize his place like this?”

“Because who is going to challenge him? Me?” Eris asked with a snort. “I can’t do anything until my mother is away from him. Until she’s ready to leave and —”

He fell silent again and Iris watched as Eris only shook his head. She had thought she knew how sensitive of a subject his mother and her circumstances were to him but until this moment, Iris hadn’t realized the depth of this sensitivity. Just how much of a sore spot this was to him. Whatever secrets he shared with his mother, Eris still wasn’t ready to share them, even if he wanted to. They weren’t hers to know just yet. 

Eris pulled his hand from hers and Iris watched him as he swallowed again and grimaced.

“If it’s too much you can —”

“Iris.” he cut her off and met her gaze firmly. “Today…do you feel different?”

She blinked at the shift in subject. “In…what way?”

“About us.” he said, feeling the tips of his ears heat. “Do you feel different?”

It fell silent between them and every single nerve in Eris’s body was on high alert as he watched her process what he said. He hoped the answer was yes. He needed it to be yes. He needed her to have felt the whirlwind of emotions he had been suffering with since she had kissed him. 

He watched her cheeks color slightly. “I think things between us have always been intense,” she said slowly. “But I think…things have been changing between us for a while.”

Eris nodded, his heart shuddering in his chest. “Mm.” he said. “And today?”

Iris watched him carefully. “Are you asking me if kissing you has made me more attached to you?” she said and gave him a wry smile.  “Because you’re my husband, Eris. I’m already stuck with you.”

Stuck. The word slammed into him with the full force of a boulder. 

Of course.

She was stuck with him. And he hadn’t even brought up the bond.

Here he was, ready to unburden himself to her. He was ready to let his mate know everything. 

Stuck.

His expression must’ve betrayed his thoughts because Iris’s face fell as her flush deepened. “That’s not how I meant it —”

“It’s fine –”

“Your question made me nervous. I tried to joke —”

He held up a hand. “You’re not wrong. You are stuck with me.”

She bit her lip, her frustration evident on her face. “You’re stuck with me too.” she mumbled. “We — we are stuck with each other.”

Eris gave her a thin smile. “I don’t quite think I’m as ready for this conversation as I thought I was, wife.” he said. “This day has been long enough.”

“That’s not fair, Eris.” she said. “You asked me a question and it made me nervous.”

“Well, we don’t want that.” he said dryly and Iris scowled. 

“I understand you’re embarrassed with all this — these feelings talk,” she stated. “But so am I! You can’t just dismiss what I’m trying to say because of it.”

He shook his head. “No worries,” he said again in that dry tone. “What’s in a kiss? It’s been long overdue between us regardless.”

He aimed to stand but Iris’s hand shot out and held him where he was. He glanced at her hand on his arm then back at her eyes to find them blazing.

“Stop.” she snapped. “You don’t get to start pulling away or undermining what’s between us when you get uncomfortable. We’re supposed to be working past that.”

Eris snorted. “Trust me when I tell you I have been trying my hardest.”

Her lips went into a thin line and she squeezed his arm gently. “I know.” she said. “I know that better than anyone.” She watched him for a moment then swallowed. “Today was a hard day for me too. You saw things no one else has. Trust me…I understand but you have to meet me in the middle.” Iris paused for a moment then let out an exhausted sigh, her shoulders dropping. “This is hard for me too.”

Regret slammed into him and nearly swallowed him whole at her confession. Eris nearly choked on it, feeling like absolute shit. Of course, she wouldn’t be feeling the bond the way he had. Of course. Despite their enjoyable visit, he knew she was still overwhelmed. She told him she was overwhelmed. It had been a vulnerable day for her too. 

He had never been good with emotions and today was testing him.

Sighing, Eris scowled, his gaze down at her hand still on his. He didn’t know if he truly had it in him to tell her more. To announce what they were without claiming her. But he would give her room to process. He had always been willing to be patient with her.

They were stuck together. But…he didn’t want it to feel that way. He wanted her to want him. He needed her to want him. 

Like he wanted her. He wanted her…happy about it.

Eris slowly sat back down, his grip tightening on hers. “You’re right.” he said. “Today has been a lot.”

“Yes.”

He ran his tongue over his teeth and said through gritted teeth. “I’m…sorry.”

“Good. You should be.”

He scowled again. “Well then, I take it back.”

Iris rolled her eyes and let go of his hand to swat it instead. “Well, you can’t. You already said it and you were being unreasonable.”

His scowl deepened. “I don’t like talking about these things, much less apologizing for anything.”

“I’ve noticed.” she said with a snort. “Don’t worry, I’ll break that bad habit.”

It was Eris’s turn to roll his eyes. “Confident, are you?”

Iris merely shrugged and let it fall silent, watching him. Eris tried not to bristle beneath her gaze, waiting.

“To answer your earlier question,” she began quietly and glanced down, pursing her lips. “Things do feel different.”

Eris swallowed. “Okay.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his, color staining her cheeks. “And I don’t know what that means other than I like where this is going.” she continued. “And I am…cautiously optimistic about where we can go from here.”

Eris watched her and felt his heartbeat pick up. Cautiously optimistic was good. It was better than stuck. It means she would be okay with more. 

How much more though? Would she be open to it now?

This would be the perfect time to tell her. But no, not with words. He fucked those up. 

Actions then. He could kiss her until it snapped into place for her as well. He could do a little more. But no — Eris shook his head and flushed slightly at her curious look. Iris deserved words. She deserved the conversation and for him not to distract her with touches and kisses. Communication was key between them. Even if talking about his feelings made him want to vomit.

He didn’t know why or how he had been given a mate but he sure as fuck would try to be somewhat worthy of it. For his Iris, he would use all his words, even if he fucked it up. He would try. 

“Iris…” he began but Iris held up a hand.

“A question for a question.” 

Eris blinked and despite the nerves plaguing him, the corner of his mouth curled up. “A question for a question.”

“You asked me if something about today felt different to me. But something changed for you.” she started and licked her lips. “ What…what happened?”

Eris swallowed and watched her as she watched him. This was it, right? He would have to stop being an absolute imbecile about this and tell her. He could tell her about all the other things she was curious about later but tonight — just for tonight — he wanted to forget about everyone else. Forget everything that sat on his shoulders and just be with his wife.

So he forced himself to be honest. “I’m terrified to tell you.”

Iris froze then let out a breath. “Why?”

Eris forced himself to look away from her, his eyes on the ceiling. “Because…you are something I had not anticipated. Because you never wanted this. You never wanted me.” he said quietly. “And I am…overwhelmed by this thing between us.”

She blinked at his statement and he finally turned back to glance at her and the sight of his hollow expression nearly broke her heart, even as it thumped widely at his confession.

“Eris…” she reached forward and clasped his hand. “What —”

But a knock on the door of their bedchamber startled them, like a cannon firing off into the silence that surrounded them. 

“Are you expecting anyone?” Iris asked.

“No.” he said, his expression flattened. “But let’s find out who has a death wish, shall we?”

[thecryptidart1st]

something i realized re-watching the film and this detail that would perfectly be inline with game!afton: The toys of his victims being gifted to his own kids. It's a detail I know some noticed but along with it being gross, it also ties to actual serial killer lore. Serial killers keep tokens or trophies from their victims (akin to how sport hunters keep antlers of the dear) so it would make sense that William would keep the toys of his child victims. I can see that he would more likely give them to elizabeth, but it would be very sad if the plushies Evan/Crying child has turned out the be the toys from the 5 kids, and more agnst points it those kids were his actual friends.

the fact that the movie essentially made this all plausible is so hurtful that it drove me out of my seasonal depression and made me make this animation on procreate dreams

[milaya-madness]

Imagine pegging atsushi for the first time and like you’re both nervous to try something new but then literally seconds in your just rutting into him while jerking him off as he moans out your name, fuxking himself on your strap

[yorshie]

My sister-in-law got me drunk and now all I can think about is how the turtles would react to a drunk reader like how would care for them who would be made im SPIRALING

[hella1975]

my mate just finished his presentation and he is NOT BEING REASSURING 😭 apparently he got torn apart in the follow up questions and he is out for BLOOD with this one lecturer. some highlights of the call i just had:

‘oh mate this is TERRIBLE’ <- said in the most defeated tone ever

‘I need a pint’

me, trying to be nice: at least it’s done! / him: it doesn’t feel done it feels like im gonna go back and swing for him. should’ve launched myself across the table

‘walked out of that room with shell shock. im a changed man’

‘you know i actually rolled my sleeves up when he was asking questions, like started sipping water and everything to buy time. a man defeated’

generally various renditions of ‘WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT’

[sleepanonymous]

Volume Warning! This is a very low-quality recording and it is fairly loud.

I had reservations and anxiety about sharing this one because it's a duet (if you know you know), but also I don't think this came from YouTube like most of the other lost media. Even so, it's one of my favorite of Ves's old recordings.

@moonchild-in-blue and @tonguetyd this one's for you (because I'd do anything for my mutuals🖤)