#hella trafficked but here we are

[possumteeths]

Random tangent but like people who get real mad when people online share the location of some hike or swimming spot or whatever are literally so stupid. Like you cant gatekeep nature? If youre gonna gatekeep nature um wouldnt you be a problem as well on account that ur on likely stolen land anyways…? granola girlies talking about like “keep it local 💖” is just so….. eesh

[dangermousie]

The Killing Vote - all these excellent dramas are killing my free time

Full disclosure - I rarely like police/killer/etc dramas (or narratives in any medium) and only checked out The Killing Vote because of my utterly irrational and unhinged thing for Park Hae Jin. We are all anonymous here so I can admit that when he first showed up on the screen I literally exclaimed "oh, fuck me!" in Pavlovian delight. The man just does it for me, OK?

(That's not his first moment but I like this cap.)

However, to my pleasant surprise, as I expected to be forwarding for a few glimpses of PHJ, I really really REALLY like the dark and unhinged the first episode.

The set-up is fairly simple, a little like Devil Judge Only Not Legal. Basically some mysterious dude sends "questions" to all citizens of Korea to vote on whether some criminal who escaped sufficient punishment should die or not; if majority votes yes, he kills them. The government is in uproar and forms a team to track the man down. Park Hae Jin's character is the leader of the team (about him more later.)

OK, why do I love it? It's a very dark show - I don't mean just visually (so many scenes take place at night) but narratively - the place is portrayed as a cesspit of humanity and nothing is clear cut. In fact, the drama very interestingly (it remains to be determined if they will develop it properly) posits of how much everyone is on continuum of vigilantism and what is acceptable. For example, our protagonist, the cop played by PHJ is, while clearly not a murderer, is hella unhinged.

He himself is a vigilante with a badge, which can be a very dangerous thing (we don't know why he is so relentlessly driven but if I were a betting person, I'd bet that scene in the prologue, where he had to arrest a man who killed his daughter's killer because said killer walked is one of his goads.)

Honestly, one of the big draws to me is just how utterly unhinged he is. He really has no stops. Look at him with the human trafficker:

And then he makes sure the camera won't catch it and bangs his own head on the table a few times as hard as he can until it bleeds. !!!!!!!

He has no stops and you begin to wonder if it's really a difference merely in degree of extreme between him and the killer he is supposed to catch. You can tell a large part of him sympathizes.

The matter of fact his assistant says as he's bandaging up PHJ's face after that little stunt says volumes.

One of the reasons I love PHJ is his unnerving intense vibe on screen - he can play someone where you don't know if they will be loving or they are secretly a serial killer, and do so incredibly convincingly. (The first drama I've seen him in was East of Eden, a sprawling epic of nurture versus nature, where he was the swapped at birth bio son of a noble worker brought up by evil businessman and he was magnetic and repulsive all at once - his "father" was so unhappy about him having genuine feeling for the girl he was obsessed with since childhood, he paid someone to drug and force him into sex and later sonny turned around and raped the girl he was obsessed with since childhood because monsters and abuse beget monsters and abuse. Childhood friends to rapist and victim is quite an arc. The drama tried to later redeem him with mixed success - it was a vvvvvv long drama - whether it worked out is something up to each viewer to decide - I - am biased by his hotness in the safe confines of fiction - but he was a truly fascinating character to watch.) The whole episode he is so on edge; you can see it burn in him when he has to protect the scumbag who got early release despite being a rapist, abuser etc etc and a part of him definitely sympathizes with the killer who eventually does the man in. His no holds barred character appears to be why despite his insane success rate he's not promoted and disliked by higher ups. He and cyber whistleblower cop girl both appear to be not good at fitting in.

This is not a drama that is likely to have any romance (alas) but I actually do like the vibe between them - they are very very different but both pretty damn unhinged.

PS This bit from East of Eden is basically what crack is like:

Here is Park Hae Jin ripping open his shirt so as to make it easier for Han Ji Hye to stab him. Ahahahaha god I miss old kdramas and their insanity.

[theinfernalcollective]

You’re probably hella sick atp of getting questions abt this but unfortunately my dumbass needs clarification

When you say RAMCOA the term is a conspiracy theory, are you saying one can’t be a programmed system, or can’t be programmed at all, or what’s the angle here

Obv nobody is denying cults and trafficking and shit exist (despite what some commenters seem to want to think you said) so I’m not worried abt that. Just asking for clarification on the angle

I’m not a professional of any kind so I’m hardly coming in with any pre-formed opinions here

Our beliefs on a system being purposefully made/programmed is VERY thin. (Not denying anyone's trauma) because every brain is different so every brain will react to trauma differently we dont think that someone will intently try to force a child to have D.I.D or O.S.D.D. And its not something we can just study and research because that means purposefully traumatizing children for said research. Which is inhumane and wrong. But name wise for RAMCOA/SRA we do not believe in it or its existence due to the information found proving its non-existence (again not the trauma. Have to say that for some people who apparently can't read out there)

[hello-nichya-here]

Pffft in what fucking way radical feminism is about apologizing abuse?? xD

Hun if you have no what you're talking about just don't talk about it, don't embarrass yourself

Glad you asked!

First we have this very thing that you're doing right now, which is shutting down anyone who mentions that radfems can be abusers. Major red flag whenever someone's first reaction to hearing "Someone in your group has been abusive" is to immediately get all defensive and say "NO ONE HERE WOULD EVER!"

Secondly, we have the very thing that made me point out that radfems are abusive as hell. I pointed out that a stupid radfem was insisting that I was being abused because I like kinky stuff, and then had the nerve to go "You deserve to be beaten until you get brain damage." Saying that some people just "deserve" to be mistreated is abuse apologism 101.

And since we're talking about people who "deserve" abuse according to radfems, let's look at the list of women you guys have thrown under the bus:

1 - Women who have been abused by other women. After all, "rape is a male crime" according to you guys.

2 - Women of color. You guys always get hella defensive whenever a non-white woman points out that radfems are often racist as fuck, and pull stuff like basing their list of "how to spot a tranny" on racist shit like literal nazi propaganda posters to help people "spot jews." And let's not forget the large overlap between plenty of radfem groups and white supremacy groups. Oh, sorry, forgot we're not supposed to mention all that so we won't "devide the comunity."

3 - Bisexuals who experienced abuse by a male partner, since we "choose" to associate with men despite having the oppornuity to date just women, like lesbians do (What? That sounds just like incels who are mad women only go to "jerks" instead of "nice guys" like themselves? Impossible! That would mean radfems feel entitled to sex and believe women DON'T get to say no!)

4 - Lesbians that are not "gold star lesbians", aka who have had sex with men at some point. After all, they're inferior since they didn't have stuff figured out right away, or had no choice but to stay in the closet for years and years due to where they live, or, ya know, were raped. Too bad for them, they were touched by man, therefore they're icky.

5 - Asexuals, because you guys will just hate one ANYONE apparently, even someone who just says "I don't really wanna fuck anyone".

6 - Trans women. After all, you guys literally admited that you made up the whole "predatory trans in the bathroom" myth just to have an excuse to hate on them. And let's not forget this also led to shit like radfems trying to spy on other women in the bathroom to "make sure they're really women." After all, trying to see someone naked without their consent is totally what normal, not at all creepy people do.

7 - Kinky women! After all, we are brainwashed by the patriarchy, and need you guys to step in and save us from ourselves, because YOU know what makes US comfortable or not. It's for our own good really. It totally isn't just slut shaming with some pseudo-feminist terms thrown in the middle.

8 - Sex workers. Once again, they need to be saved from themselves - and that rescue includes ignoring them when they say "your way of helping us in dehumanizing, robs us of our agency, and often ends with us being thrown in prison." And lets not forget that some of the anti sex-work laws you guys swear exist to protect victims of human trafficking who were forced into prostitution often end with said victims thrown in prison anyway because surprise surprise, demonizing people for harmless shit makes a target no matter what.

9 - Any woman who doesn't like that you bitches are constantly associating with the alt-right - including the most violently misogynistic members of the bunch - just to get more political allies. Does it ever cross your mind that if THE biggest women-hating scumbags around think you are "one of the good ones" that shows you totally fucking failed to "rebel against the patriarchy"?

And there's also the group that you guys refuse the acknowledge the most! Men who were abused by women. After all, that doesn't work in your fantasy world where men always hold all the power in every situation, and women are always powerless. No way things could be more complicated, even with misogyny still sadly being a thing, no, no. It has to be an Us VS Them.

So, no acknowledging all the times young boys get sexually assault and are mocked for "complaining that they got laid", even when they're minors and their abusers were grown adults. No acknowledging that while women are more likely to be victims to domestic violence, people often refuse to understand that men can also victims of intimate partner violence - even if said partner is a woman. We can talk about abusive fathers, but not abusive mothers. We can talk about how abusive males tend to become cops, but not about how abusive women tend to become nurses.

And, once again, not ever, ever, ever pointing out that radfems are ALWAYS going on about how some people (in this case men) DESERVE to abused. After all, that will totally make it "fair" after all the shit women endured, since THIS is the way to deal with society's problems: you make sure they hurt as many people as possible instead of just your group.

So yeah, you guys are abuse apologists. You always have been. Now either become a decent person or die mad about it, bitch.

[ppnuggie]

　　　　　　TRACKS x gn reader

　　　　『　tracks ,, gender neutral reader 』

　　-> reader n tracks are partners at a local police station . pt.1

　　— tw :: death ,, past trauma w/ reader ,, bullets + gunfire ,, mentions of a gang ,, human trafficking ,, black market

　　— tried to think of what would be somewhat upsetting for this little short series w/ tracks . reader is a cop and is working on a case together w/ tracks . really just putting some tracks content out there bc theres nothing of him and i like him a lot :( feel free to request anything of him or ask questions abt the past few series :3 ill be happy to explain anything rlly . this is set in the g1 timeline too . this is pretty much an introduction to the series <3

— feel free to reblog or give any comments / feedback ! <3 i enjoy reading them and seeing my work spread !

          " officer (l/n) ,, this is your new partner ." was what you heard from the chief ,, setting down your drink and looking up to meet the large mech in front of you . he was one of those cybertronians from space ,, here on earth for some reason . you didnt keep up with the news as of late ,, busy mourning your previous partner who had died in a recent crossfire between a gang that you two had been tracking for some weeks now . " hello ,, it's nice to meet you ,," you nodded to the brightly colored mech . " it's tracks ,, and it's nice to meet you as well officer ." he replied . his voice was different from what you've heard before in your life .

          silky and velvety ,, as though it would be from the most expensive of cloth around the world . it was that of one you would hear from those rich british men who came overseas and always had something to complaim about . yet ,, he didnt seem the type to do that .

          " well tracks ,, hope youre good with long term cases ." you snicker to yourself before taking a quick sip of your drink and opening the case file to the previously mentioned gang . " my previous partner and i had gotten somewhat close to arresting these punks ,, but things happened and they ended up escaping ." tracks got down to one knee ,, his arm resting over his leg as he peered over your shoulder . you saw the chief leave the room out of the corner of your eye ,, and resumed your focus to the file .

          " what gang is this ?" tracks asked ,, scanning over the words in the file . your hand came to your chin ,, explaining what you knew so far of the crooks . " they deal with human trafficking ,, kidnapping women who stray a little too far from the street lights to sell and trade on the black market . they've also been known to be the result of a few mass murders down town in some clubs ." you take another quick sip from your drink ,, flipping the pages . " last we saw them was in an alley of a bar ,, leaving in a limousine . so i'm guessing they've either got a hella lot of money ,, or they're good business partners with those who do ."

          tracks nodded ,, taking in the information better than you'd assume he would . maybe you were expecting a few disgusted looks or a gag ,, yet received nothing of the sort . " do you know their usual routine yet ?" he asked ,, helm turning your way . " kind of ,, though i'm not sure it really can count as a routine . the most active they are is on wednesday nights ,, usually in allies of bars or clubs . the closest i had gotten to getting a lead on them was two weeks ago ."

          " what happened ? im assuming you didnt figure out where they went ,," he tilted his helm to the side . " some others were behind me an' my partner ,, they shot at us a bit . one of their bullets grazed my partner ,, and ever since i havent been able to work on the case ." you casted your eyes to the side ,, remembering the night . adrenaline had pumped vigorously through your veins ,, trying your damnest to steer clear of the bullets flying past the vehicle . you did manage to steer clear of them ,, though at the cost of your partner getting severely injured . the images of it flooded your mind ,, squinting your eyes close and taking another sip of your drink .

           " sorry for your loss ." tracks murmured lowly ,, unsure of what to do . you only shook your head ,, brushing it off . " doesnt matter ,, just be sure youre ready later tonight for a bit of patrolling ." you waved your hand at him ,, leaving the case file with the mech so he can review it as much as needed .

[qqueenofhades]

Ok I seriously hope you don’t take this as bad faith but I’d like to genuinely understand this, and I’m not even sure if I’m articulating this thought well, but I don’t understand why it’s not also considered inhumane to allow a ton more people into a system so broken that it can’t even support the poorest that are in that nation…? I understand it’s important to hella reform immigration and that’s in the works, and that these people are fleeing far worse conditions, but I also feel like the rich are just looking to make yet another slave class out of these desperate people. Is it yet again a case of multiple broken systems in a trench coat? If so, I’d like to know the most prominent areas so I can try to start fighting it (the rights abuses, not the immigration)

Okay, but I'm not entirely sure what your point here is. It sounds like "we shouldn't allow immigrants into America until we can help every American first," which is probably not what you mean, but still. Yes, America as a culture, society, and economy has many, MANY problems. Nobody is denying or disputing that. But it is also literally a nation built on immigrants, and why is it "inhumane" to let them come here when they are so desperate to reach it that they will risk their lives in any number of ways...? Is it just that you're afraid you aren't being Socially Aware Enough on any particular economic or social issue, and need to find something else to worry about?

People come to America, or want to come to America, for many reasons. They are being persecuted, or their country is politically unstable, or they have few job opportunities, or they have family here, or whatever. They are not coming here because they're being passively manipulated "by the rich to make another slave class." The way we treat them can often be disgraceful (see: Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott), but there are also many, many communities and resources for welcome and support. Immigrants can often get jobs and save money. They can build new lives. This is something we should welcome, and because the right wing in America, with all its racism and xenophobia, has so long dominated the immigration debate as "scary brown people," this is long, LONG overdue.

Any strategy that wants to reduce "illegal immigration" must offer valid and safe pathways for legal immigration. That's why the UK is in the middle of such a clusterfuck: the hardline Tories who want nobody to move to Britain ever are trying to stop the small boat crossings across the Channel by being even more cartoonishly evil and deliberately unhelpful to the poor souls who do make it. They feel that if they can make a "hostile environment" (their own words) for refugees and asylum-seekers, eventually none of those irritating brown people will ever bother to try again, problem solved. Which of course, hasn't worked, not least since Britain refuses to allow any pathways for safe and legal immigration/resettlement from unsettled and/or third world countries. Even highly skilled workers have lots of trouble getting a UK settlement visa these days, so your average refugee/economic migrant? Forget it.

Because Biden is allowing generous quotas of legal migrants, that cuts down on the chaos and brutality of people-traffickers and other criminal enterprises who make their money by extorting desperate people who have no other option. Also, lest we forget, we are less than four years removed from the Trump policy of tearing children away from their families and putting them in literal cages, under the same "make it so bad for them that they'll stop coming!" fetish for institutional cruelty that drives the Tories.

There is also an additional moral responsibility for former empires to be open to immigration, given that they built their political systems' wealth and power by moving to OTHER people's countries and invading, exploiting, and enslaving them. Now when the descendants of those people want to come to your country in turn, the racist white conservative pearl-clutching is both depressing and predictable. But yes, let's not read people making the choice to come to America, for one reason or another, as either an attempt to siphon overstretched resources from Real Americans, or as helpless dupes manipulated by the capitalist class to just live more lives of drudgery and misery. They are real people making real choices, and the fact that they're still so eager to come to America, even with all its problems, is something that should be supported, in a sustainable way, as much as possible.

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Can we know more about Paperbag Dabi's system 👉👈

Aaa, gladly.

Realistically, especially given Dabi's a programmed system in this series, he would probably have more alters than just Touya, and likely a high alter count. I didn't feel like writing a ton of alters and trying to keep track of all of them so i just stick with Dabi and Touya.

Dabi has some amnesia when Touya fronts and vice versa so they doesn't remember much of what goes on when the other fronts. He'll get bits and pieces back slowly, but they don't have very good communication.

Since Touya is a trauma holder, Dabi repressed a lot of the csa/csem from childhood and Touya holds that. Dabi's aware of it, at least to some degree, and remembers bits and pieces but not very much.

Programming talk now, Touya was primarily subjected to programming for the purpose of csem and trafficking as a kid once Enji decided he can't train him anymore. Touya was groomed already by then both for hero work and due to the csa (I hc Enji began sexually abusing Touya years before he went on to traffick him within the commission) so the commission used the grooming and pre-existing conditioning as a foundation to build off of for the programming.

He's primarily doll programmed, which basically causes him to believe himself to be an object meant to be used sexually by others, and when cued or the program is tripped, he dissociates hella hard, has trouble moving, and has trouble disobeying anything that can be seen as orders. This works on either alter/the entire system, but since it's Touya's trauma, it usually triggers him out. Tripping his programming can happen accidentally but a lot of the times in Paper Bag his programming is intentionally cued by Tomura since Tomura learned how to do that from looking into Touya and finding csem of when he was a kid (which I think happened in codependency?) Basically, with his cues, certain phrases and/or physical contact (usually coupled together) will cause certain programmed responses. They're used frequently enough that of you're looking for them in the series you can spot them. I try to stay consistent with them, so I wrote them all down;

Grab face, “Be empty and still like a good doll.” – Makes him be directed into whatever position and be unable to move or speak unless program is stopped (snapping fingers three times) usually cannot react during this either and defaults into a vacant expression unless he’s directed otherwise (told to smile, cry, beg, etc) then he’ll react the way he’s told to/is expected to.

Hands on hips/waist, firm voice, “Strip.” – will remove his clothing.

Hand on head, pushing downward, “open.” – will drop to his knees and open his mouth.

Hands on knees, firm voice, “Let us/me see you” – will spread his legs open and hold that position until cued/directed otherwise

While lying down, preferably on a bed, “Touch yourself” – He’ll begin masturbating.

Handed sharp object during sex, “Bleed for me/us” – will begin cutting himself, usually on his thighs unless directed otherwise

Cameras, women’s lingerie, group sex/being penetrated by multiple men, most of the cues above – Triggers out Touya or brings him closer to front.

I don't expand on it much but the commission is shady and fucked up here, definitely did this to other kids and programmed people in similiar ways (though for different reasons/within different branches. Like Touya was programmed for csem, but other kids may have been programmed for hero work, spy work, interrogation purposes, etc) and Touya landed in the csem/trafficking branch of the programming because he was "pretty", pre-groomed, and already conditioned to be compliant to sexual abuse.

Dabi definitely did survival sex work and petty thief while he was homeless, and that alter mainly came around as a means of survival / emotional protector since Touya was so vulnerable, he wouldn't do well on the street. He's also managing most of the villain work too because Touya, though involved in the revenge and exposing endeavor plan, doesn't want to be a villain or go against hero society because of his programming.

Speaking of exposing endeavor, Dabi has a super hard time making the broadcast video bc of his trauma with cameras and Touya repeatedly getting triggered out.

[brightbeautifulthings]

When Villains Rise by Rebecca Schaeffer

"'He's a monster.' Nita shrugged. 'Aren't we all?'"

Year Read: 2023

Rating: 3/5

About: There are spoilers ahead for Not Even Bones and Only Ashes Remain. Unfortunately, Nita's face is still all over the black market, Kovit's is set to be released to the Dangerous Unnaturals List in a week, and Nita's sinister mother is circling like a shark. Nita and Kovit are on their way to Buenos Aires with Fabricio to steal enough information from Tácunan Law to buy their safety, but with all the threats against them, they're going to have to be faster and more ruthless than ever. Trigger warnings: character death (on-page, graphic), parent death, black market slavery, organ trafficking, torture, dissection, bombs, abduction, gore, needles/drugging, guns, violence, gaslighting.

Thoughts: This series started strong for me and then drifted off into mediocrity. I'm a little sorry I finished, or the first book could have lived on in all its gruesome and original glory in my memory, and that's not a bad way to approach them. The rest never quite manage that level of spooky and weird, although I did enjoy When Villains Rise a bit more than the second book. There's less floundering around in the plot now that Nita actually has a plan. Given all her previous disasters, it all goes off a little too smoothly, but I wasn't mad about seeing something finally go her way.

There's less expansion on the world-building here, which makes sense for a third novel, but it was also one of my favorite aspects of the series. Sadly, no new creepy crawlies in this one. I do like the way each book takes place in a different city in a different country, which makes for a rich cultural experience each time. I think the best thing about these last two books are the character arcs for Nita and Kovit. They come out pretty well-developed by the end, as well as hella ethically complicated. It's a whole moral quandary about whether we should even want them to succeed, but that's part of the fun. If I ever revisit it, I'll probably just stick with the first book.

[cnohpytxyz]

HHL 1

prologue

synopsis: our guy Terry discusses some of the HHL's logistics with the MC while they both deny the pure domesticity of their relationship (they're just friends guys). mostly exposition.

word count: 7535

genre: werewolves, my own take on A/B/O, female OCs, domestic bullshit

warnings: some talk of b*tchering cows, blood mentions, brief panic attack, violent werewolf attacks, implied s*x trafficking, brief recollection of a leg getting c*t off, medical injection, mentions of alc*hol, cursing (through out)

notes: this is edited! no beta, but hopefully I've looked at it enough that there aren't any glaring issues. i didn't originally think there were any warnings to mention, but holy cow was I mistaken. and it only goes down from here! the end of this book (i've split it into three) is hella rough too. maybe i should add the "dead dove" tag.

~/*\~

“You in there, C?” The words were accompanied by the door flinging open, a lithe frame slipping past to settle on the occupant’s bed.

“Do you just come in even if I’m not here?” C shot him a side glance before going back to pulling on the leather wrist guard she had thrown together years ago.

“Right… because we're not sleeping in the same bed most nights.” The intruder gave her a dead look, daring her to challenge his words.

“That doesn’t mean this is your room, Terry.” C looked away as she sat next to him, the—arguably valid—statement sounding flimsy even before the words left her mouth.

Terry gave her another look, “Your case is weak, and you know it.” She shrugged, unwilling to give in, and went back to struggling with her improvised wrist guard. The younger of the two watched with a blanked-out stare, until a particularly annoyed grunt brought his attention back. “Need help?”

“Please,” she huffed, holding out her wrist.

Practiced fingers threaded an old shoelace through holes in the worn leather. “Remind me why you still use this thing?”

Amusement danced in her eyes as she watched his intent expression, “I’m too lazy to make another one?” He laughed, smile brightening the room further than the mid-day sun was capable of.

“You’re a lot of things, C, but lazy?” He finished the last knot of her wrist guard with a shake of his head and looked up at her. Smiling, she raised her hands in surrender. He rolled his eyes, “Where were you headed?”

C stood up, rolling her wrist. “The shooting range,” she grabbed her quiver and slung it over her shoulder, “then I need to check with Beah on our power status.” Her movements paused as she narrowed her eyes in contemplation, “I think I’m due for a Pros shot too.”

“Can’t be skipping that.” Terry said, getting off the bed to open the door. “I’ll come with you. I have to talk with Beah about getting some new shooting gloves.”

“I can get you some leather.” She said, moving past him and into the empty hallway, not forgetting to retrieve her bow from its mount on the back of her door. Walking backwards to face him, she continued, “I’m probably going on a power run in the next few days anyway.”

“You think there’s enough wild boars for that?” He pulled the door shut behind them, locking it before chasing after his friend.

C raised a brow and turned as he caught up, “It’s one boar.”

“Didn’t Beah say they should be left alone for a while?”

“I’m pretty sure that was a message for you guys,” she gave him a pointed look, “but I’ll check when we see her later.” 

He nodded, attention going back to his thoughts as they made their way down the stairs and into the crisp winter air. 

The shooting range was kept far from the living quarters as a safety precaution—not many people knew how to shoot properly before they got to the HHL and that led to many a stray arrow. At the beginning they had tried to keep everything in a central location, but with more and more people joining, things quickly got dangerous. About a year into Terry’s stay, C and Beah had made the executive decision to move some of the more treacherous sports to one of the corn fields just off of the community area.  

The arrangement caused some dissent to rise amongst the less physically inclined residents, but to the leaders of the HHL an hour jog seemed like a fair trade off to bandaging wounds caused within compound walls. In all honesty Terry didn’t think it took that long, but nine times out of ten, he began the journey from C’s, admittedly closer, home. 

They had been living together for nearly two years, much to the woman’s distaste. Originally moving in because of a space shortage, Terry ended up staying even after the new human residences went up. He did have his own room on the safer side of the compound (used on occasion), but C had a whole house to herself—a gift from Beah for putting up with the HHL’s more deranged residents—and, deranged as they were, no one dared to mess with him after C put down a few of his more proactive antagonists last year. Of course, there was always a newbie out for his blood—and his dick—but the more experienced populace kept them in check. 

Spending copious amounts of time in the west quarters meant that he had definitely heard the whispers. The one calling him her human pet was probably the most amusing, though that was more because it pissed C off, and he lived to piss her off. Possibly since nine times out of ten she was the one getting under his skin, he took any opportunity he could to see her frustrated. Annoying as he could be, he was careful not to overstep and could take as much as he dealt. Though that was entirely because she made sure his quality of life was a cut above most. Life during the apocalypse was always strained, but she kept him both well-armed and well fed, though he had a sneaking suspicion she did it to annoy Beah, the true voice of the HHL . 

The two women ruled over their sliver of the new world with an iron fist, keeping their respective species away from each other’s throats. Terry wouldn’t go so far as to call them friends—seeing as they mostly talked business when they did see each other—but the innate understanding threading between them went beyond his comprehension. 

Looks wise they were almost exact opposites. Beah was dark skinned, petite, and had a belying innocence to her features while C was ghostly pale, nearly as tall as him, and had a sharpness to her gaze that scared him more than once when he first moved to the HHL. 

Despite this, Terry would choose C over Beah any day. C was far more laid back—though that might have had something to do with her thoughts on her leadership skills, or lack thereof—and it made her much easier to talk to. To him, looking past her itchy trigger finger was a simple matter, especially since she never killed outside the rules, she and Beah had initially laid down. 

Beah, on the other hand, was… intense . Because of her small stature and dark skin tone, she faced far more challenges keeping the humans in line than the official second in command. This led to her being an uptight pain in his ass, but he begrudgingly admitted, it made her a far more capable leader than anyone else there. Not like he wanted to lead in the first place. 

“Ah,” C’s exclamation brought Terry out of his reverie, making him realize they were steps away from the archery gate, “now that I think of it, we’ll have to cull the cows soon.” She swung open the entrance and motioned for him to walk through, “The newbies are going to need sheaths soon and our leather demands can’t keep up with the blacksmith’s output. I’ll get you some leather for gloves when that happens.” The gate latched behind them with a clang. 

“Can we cull that many?” Quickly making their way to their usual spot, Terry picked up a bow laying in the grass, muttering something about lazy bastards under his breath. 

C cocked an eyebrow, “It's not like a pair of gloves takes up that much cow.” She stepped past him to grab a loaded quiver from its proper position on the rack and handed it to him without thought.

He shot her an unamused look as he grabbed it, “I'm talking about supplying the newbies with sheathes.”

“Ah, well we won’t be culling enough to supply everyone with a sheath, but there's about 200 bulls now. We can afford to butcher a few of them.” Pulling an arrow from her quiver, the tall archer took her place in front of a target.

“200 doesn't seem like that much.” Terry loaded and shot his own bow, arrow piercing the center of the target with a dull thud.

C shrugged and released, her own arrow narrowly missing the squirrel sitting on the branch above one, fairly close, target, “It's not, but we only need a few good sires to pair with the cows.”

“How many do we have in total?” He aimed at the alarmed animal, shooting it clear through the eye.

She paused to think, “650? The cows add up to about 300 and the calves, about 150.” He lowered his bow, so she could grab the squirrel without the threat of having to dodge an arrow. “It’s not like we don’t have the space for more, but it’s easier when we can rotate the cows through their farms.” She handed him his arrow and proceeded to tie the dead animal to a rope hanging off her belt.

“How are their farms doing?” He took aim again this time pointing at a target a bit further than where the squirrel had been. 

“Fairly well. It was a pretty wet year, so we’re expecting a baby boom when they start breeding this spring.” She notched another arrow watching him hit the next target dead center.

“What about the fruit and vegetable farms?” C released her arrow, hitting just below Terry’s. 

She pursed her lips, “I'm not sure, but probably the same. Beah did say we have one last batch of apples coming in.” The brunette brushed frizzy strands from her forehead, “Benefits of the new greenhouse.”

Terry’s eyes lit up in excitement, turning to face her fully, “Oh right! I forgot about that. Do you think that means we'll finally grow our own peaches?”

“In like another 5 years maybe.” She shot him a look and targeted another unsuspecting squirrel. 

His eyes followed her arrow—once again missing the squirming target, “That's frightening to think about.”

“It seems like it's been forever, doesn't it?” 

He took aim and another small life before replying. “Longer for me than for you.”

She made her way to pick up the arrow and squirrel, surveying the damage even though she knew it was another bullseye, “Don't pretend like you aren't living well.”

“I'd live better with two legs.” 

C’s eyes drifted to the running blade where his right shin should have been, a mixture of concern and regret sliding over her features. “Yeah. You would.”

A flash of sympathy passed through Terry’s eyes. As easily as she could take a life, C had equal respect for it and letting him live below full capacity occasionally haunted her. He held his hands up in mocking, “But I'm totally fine with being a cripple.”

She rolled her eyes and went back to notching an arrow, “To think I almost felt bad for you.”

“You're saying you don't feel bad for the poor boy whose leg you stole?” He clutched at his chest.

“Stole is a strong word,” Her target, an ignorant bird, fell out of the tree with her arrow stuck in its throat, “but if you want, I could make you my Beta right here right now.” It was his turn to roll his eyes as he went to grab the bird.

“Aren't I already your Beta?” Terry tossed her the arrow and sneered at her poor aim while tying the bird to his waist.

She gave him a tired look, “That's not how it works.”

He notched his own arrow, aiming at a bird even further. “And I'm thankful for that every day.” The bright smile accompanying his words caused her to scoff.

“Ha! If you're gonna be such an ass, you can go pick out some cows to kill.” 

He smirked and released the arrow, “I thought I wasn't your Beta.”

Her scoff further brightened his smile and then she had to answer, “You're my minion.” His smile slipped off his face immediately.

“Go get my dinner.” She laughed despite his demand, happy to have gotten the upper hand and walked to get the bird.

Terry sighed as he watched her squat down to dust the snow off his prey. She was never going to give it up, but he kind of understood why. More and more humans were changing by the day, and she needed a hand to take care of it all. Most of the time he was able to fill that role, but being weaker than them and missing a leg on top of it didn’t give him many points in their books. Being human during the apocalypse was certainly not easy, but he continued to refuse her bite for reasons she probably understood better than him.

C interrupted his thoughts by handing him the arrow. “Clean shot again. I don’t know how you do that.”

He shrugged and moved back to the previous topic, “Only pick them out? You’re not going to let me kill them?”

The woman furrowed her brows in confusion, searching for the earlier conversation in her mind, “The cows? Of course not. There's too many new Lupi to let a human do it.”

He groaned, “I hate it when newbies kill the cows. So much goes to waste.”

"Then you're in luck!" She shot him finger guns, dropping the dead bird so it dangled from her hip with the two squirrels, "The Lunar New Year is coming up in a week. I'll be doing the killing personally and distributing blood then." C shrugged, "Though if you were my Beta, you could do it yourself."

He sent her a flat look and pointedly ignored her last statement, "I'm on wall duty that night. Save me some please."

She laughed at his obstinance, "Sure. Only a cup though. There's 17 new Lupi I gotta feed plus some of the older ones and any that join in the meantime. That's about…" wiggling her fingers she looked up in thought, "13 bulls? Just in case?"

Terry nodded, putting the bow away, "Sounds right. Can you help me with my hand-to-hand combat?" 

Nodding, C placed her bow on the ground next to his. "I don't know why you won't just let me bite you. You'd be a fantastic Beta." 

He scoffed internally, fully aware that she knew exactly why he didn't want to be turned, "You only want me to be your Beta because you don't want to be Alpha." He turned a finger on her as she moved into an offensive stance. "And if you bite me, what would be the point of cutting off my leg? It's not like it's going to grow back."

She pursed her lips and sighed, reluctantly admitting that he was indeed right, "Yeah, but at least you'd get a bit more respect from the Lupi ."

"They respect me plenty." She sent a high kick to his face.

"When I'm around." A dodge and a punch to her gut.

"That's all I need." She grabbed his arm, pulled him close and smacked him in the chest with her other hand. The quick succession of moves sent him stumbling back.

C ran her tongue over her teeth in contemplation, eyes brightening at what seemed like a good argument, "If you become my Beta, there's no more wall duty."

He wheezed at her proposal, chest still burning from her hit, "And oh, how tempting that is, but I'll still pass."

"You're so stubborn." She huffed at him.

The amusement didn't leave his face as he responded, "Well, that makes two of us." He settled back into a defensive stance.

A mischievous smile spread across her features, "You sure you’re ready?" Before he could respond, she launched a fist at his face—easily dodgeable, but the motion was meant more for her to vent than anything else.

“How’s your bond been doing lately?” Terry decided to keep the conversation moving, this time smoothly evading her punches, partially to aggravate her further, but he’d never admit that out loud.

Not completely unaware of the younger male’s tactics, C sent him a glare as well as a kick. “He’s…” chewing her tongue, she reached for that part of her that had been around for nearly a decade, “still alive and hasn’t been bitten yet. It feels like…” she furrowed her brows, “he’s moving again.”

Now that caused him to pause, “Again? Wasn’t he moving last week? Was it just a pitstop?”

“I don’t know, Taehyun.” She launched a cheap kick at his gut, succeeding this time.

He coughed, the impact nearly sending him to his knees, and graciously ignored the emphasis on the government name, “Damn.” It took the man a moment before he could respond, “You don’t gotta get pissy about it.”

“If I was actually pissy you'd be—” The rest of her words were cut off when she gasped, crumpling in on herself as if she had been the one who got kicked.

Terry dropped to his knees, pulling her into his arms as he turned her to sit on the frosted ground between his knees. “What happened? Is it him?” His words sounded panicked, and C could feel his arms trembling. Whatever anger she previously held was wiped away in an instant. Between short gasping breaths, her hands moved to his arms, thumbs rubbing in a comforting gesture. 

Once she caught her breath, she lightly tapped him on the arm, “Do you have any of my meds?” 

“Yes!” He frantically shifted through his pockets, pulling the transparent orange bottle from one on his thigh, “Here.” He twisted the cap off and tipped a pill into his hand. 

C grabbed it and tossed it to the back of her tongue, grimacing as it stuck to her throat on the way down. Dry swallowing pills was never fun, but she had gotten somewhat used to it. A trembling hand threaded through her hair, and she took a deep, shaking breath, forcing herself to fully relax into his embrace.

They let a tense silence drift between them before Terry tried to lick his lips, tongue suddenly sticking to the roof of his mouth, “Taking those every time isn't a good idea.” The words came out in a nervous whisper.

She sighed in defeat, “It’s not like I have much more anyway. Frankly I'm surprised they've lasted this long.” Her tongue ran across her bottom lip, “Going off them is gonna suck.”

“Going cold turkey is going to ruin you. You might want to ease off them while you still have some.” 

Another sigh, “I don't know if I could handle that.”

His eyes widened, “It's that intense?”

She groaned and yanked on her hair, “It's gotten worse lately. I’m not sure I want to know what they’re doing to him, T.”

Terry cursed under his breath, “If even you can't handle it, I can't imagine how he's able to.”

“What can I say?” C shrugged, “He’s definitely a fighter.” She couldn’t keep the hint of pride out of her voice, but her good mood left as soon as it came. “I don't know what to do, T. Every instinct is screaming at me to go get him, but I can't just up and leave.” 

He felt himself relaxing, relieved that she appeared fine, “Seems intense.”

Sensing the tension leave his body, C pulled on his hair bringing his chin to rest on her shoulder. “Just raw instinct to protect and kill and…” a pause—as if debating whether she should say it or not—then, “and fuck.” He let out a short laugh, amused by her sudden desire for decency. She pointedly ignored it. “If I saw him, I don't know what I'd do. Would I jump him? Rip his abuser’s throat out?” Another pause and a cock of her head, “Both?” 

Her hand continued to massage his scalp while they sat in a much more comfortable silence, broken by: “What if he's a terrible human being? What if he demands you kill everyone in the compound?”

C choked on her laughter, “That's… rather dark. Is that what your mind's like?”

“Just…” He buried his face into her neck, “answer the question, please?”

She swirled a strand of his hair between her fingers, as if debating whether or not she should really answer the question. Then she sighed, “Well, you better figure out how to take me down while you still can.”

Ignoring the problem with her words, he pulled back, “You'd do that for a guy you've never met before?” 

She shrugged, “I'd do that for a guy whose highs and lows I've felt since I was 14.”

“What if he doesn’t want you?”

Another disbelieving laugh, “In that case, my mind would probably break. I'd have to sever the bond before that happened or I'd go full on werewolf.”

Terry hummed in thought, “Is that why you'd do anything for him? To make sure he doesn’t leave you?”

C pursed her lips, considering her reasoning, “Partially, I guess.” She concluded with a shrug. “Most of it is just because I want to feel him happy.”

Another hum, “So, if killing everyone makes him happy…” he trailed off not wanting to say it himself.

“Then I'd kill everyone.” Her reply was instantaneous. He sat back on his ass with a huff, hands bracing himself, and legs flinging out around her. “Sorry,” she shifted off him, giving him space to take off the running blade, “is your leg ok?”

He rubbed the stump just below his knee and nodded in affirmation. “Just phantom pain.”

“Your ankle again?” Another nod. She sighed and grabbed his blade, moving under his right arm to lift him into a standing position. Though he could certainly manage on his own, she rarely let him, and he had moved past arguing over it a long time ago. At least he was able to talk her out of princess carrying him every time his blade came off—that was a conversation his embarrassment had done well to suppress.

They hobbled over to the giant tree stump where she sat him down and kneeled in front of him. Practiced hands pulled the layers of fabric from around his stump and massaged the skin at the bottom. 

Terry sighed at the feeling, staring into the trees above them as she continued her ministrations. “Would you kill me?” He tried to keep the words to himself—truly—but curiosity was eating him alive and before he knew it they left his lips.

C’s fingers stilled, an amused smile tilting her eyes into crescents. There was no way in hell she’d let someone else kill him—let alone doing it herself—but telling him that would give him even more reasons to be a snide bastard, and she didn’t think he deserved the satisfaction. “I'd give you time to run.”

Still watching the branches sway above their heads, he narrowed his eyes in thought, “How much time?”

She tried to keep the laughter out of her voice, “A minute?”

He sighed, oblivious to her pleasure, and began to bargain, “Make it two.”

“One and a half.” C grabbed his stump socks from where they laid inside out on the ground, “But I’ll close my eyes first.” 

Terry fixed her with a blank look, before sighing again, “I’ll take it.” 

She laughed, sliding the fabric back over his leg. “For what it's worth, I don't expect him to be like that.” 

“How comforting.” He deadpanned as the woman grabbed his running blade to slot his stub back into. 

The prosthetic suctioned to him with a whoosh of air and C rolled the rest of its sleeve up his leg and under his shorts. “Considering I have a first-row seat to his mind; you should find that very comforting.” 

“You have a remarkable amount of faith in humanity.” He tested the blade to check its fit, more out of habit than need.

“Nope,” she stood up and offered a hand to the younger man, “just faith in him.”

He grabbed it with a roll of his eyes, “Faith in a guy you’ve never met before.”  

She let out a defeated snort, heaving him to his feet, “Has anyone ever told you you’re remarkably negative?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re remarkably positive?” He countered.

Shrugging, she went back to where they had left their bows, “Even on Pros, the Were could take over my mind if I let it.” She bent to dust them off and place them back on the stand. “Staying positive is just a countermeasure. Having a pack helps too though.” She added with a nod.

“Speaking of which,” He tugged at the prey around his waist to make sure they were still attached, “should I go get Kai?”

C shook her head, “No, it's ok. I'll go to him. He and Beah should be in the old greenhouse.” 

“Speaking of which, we should go see them while there’s still daylight.” She took a glance at the setting sun and hummed in agreement. Instead of heading for the exit, she beelined to the shed standing on the other side of the field. “Where are you going?”

“To get the golf cart.” She shot him a smile over her shoulder, “I’m feeling lazy today.” 

Terry laughed but didn’t protest. Judging by the height of the sun there would be about an hour left of daylight, and he sure as hell didn't want to spend it sprinting five miles up the compound. He reasoned that it wasn't because he hated cardio, but because adjusting his running blade for actual running was a pain in the ass. 

Definitely not because he hated cardio.

He didn’t bother following C, knowing she would bring the cart to him without complaint. And bring it she did. The rickety old plow attached to its front knocking against the ground every few seconds. Terry could already feel irritation tickling the back of his brain, but he did his best to ignore the sensation—missing a ride was not worth an hour or two of cardio.

He hopped into the vehicle, grabbing the vertical bar in front of him for some semblance of stability, while C directed the cart to rattle off at a pace slightly faster than a jog. Seeing as it would take a while, he let his thoughts drift off. 

The beginning of the apocalypse had been brutal. When the USA called a hard shut on its borders, he, his group mates, and a bunch of other Korean artists were essentially stranded. What was supposed to be a thrilling, but exhausting, time at KCON LA quickly turned into something that still gave him nightmares. 

They had holed up in their hotel room for the first few weeks, watching the news in horror as they witnessed the world burn—both literally and figuratively.

Riots spread faster than the California wildfires, but food within the hotel building was growing scarcer. Determined to keep the boys from starving, their staff ventured out in pairs. More often than not, only one returned until eventually no one did. 

It was a mere six weeks into the end of the world when their manager decided to go out for food. Terry remembered pleading with him, begging him to not go, but everyone was hungry. Kai 's stomach had rumbled at the most inopportune time and that made up the older man's mind. Tensions were high and Terry snapped. He screamed at their youngest—not his best look—asking him why he couldn't have just held it in. Looking back, it wasn't fair to the boy. Everyone was hungry and someone's stomach was bound to grumble eventually, driving their manager to search for food outside the building.

At the time, though, Terry felt it was justified. The eldest members did not. Soobin took him to the side while Yeonjun wrapped his arms around a crying Kai. To his credit, Soobin didn't snap at the younger boy, merely explaining to him why his anger was uncalled for. Reluctantly he apologized, seeing the logic and feeling it were two different things.

Their guardian had nearly made it back. Hearing his voice accompanying the knock on their door caused them to burst into tears and they rushed to pull it open—only to find a Lupus tearing his neck open. 

Soobin was the first to move. He shoved his band mates back, snatched the bag of food from their manager's slipping grip, and slammed the door shut with a determination even he didn't think he had. Of course, the other four yelled at him, but he tuned them out. His priority had always been them. 

His head had whipped around the room looking for something to block the door with. He swiftly spotted an old chair and sprinted to get it under the doorknob. Just in time too, if the slamming against the door was any indication. 

It was then that everything felt real. 

Terry could barely remember the sequence of events that followed, vaguely recalling Soobin's command to eat before they snuck out the window and onto the fire escape. They moved slowly, safety being their number one priority, but there was no way they could all stay safe.

It happened in the middle of a street. 

Yeonjun had seen a convenience store that seemed to be relatively intact, but there was no way to get to it without venturing out into the open road. Unanimously the group decided it would be safer to sprint. And sprint they did.

What they couldn't have foreseen was the hoard of werewolves appearing out of nowhere, charging them from both sides of the street. It was then that one of them swiped Kai's arm.

No matter how hard he tried, Terry would never forget the heart wrenching scream their youngest let out as the Were's bite tore into his shoulder. Soobin stumbled and that time it was Yeonjun who had to lead them. 

The eldest members of TXT managed to get to the convenience store without harm, but the damage had already been done. Soobin was a mess, Yeonjun barely holding it together enough to comfort him. Terry flopped to the ground with a haunted expression, leaving Beomgyu to scramble for something that would keep the door shut, though it wouldn't do much good–the walls of their new safe house were almost entirely glass.

Then suddenly the beasts' attention shifted. With only Beomgyu paying attention, a force swept across the street, shooting arrows at any Were in their path. Terry wouldn't find out until years later that it was the HHL. A very small HHL, still in its infancy, but reeking of an all-too-familiar power. 

It turned out that they had been combing through the country for individuals ranking at the top of their respective fields. Their goal this time was a particular physiatrist that was rumored to be hiding somewhere in the area. 

Terry still couldn't remember exactly what happened, but when he came to, there was no sign of Weres… or of Kai. The remaining boys began to freak out, wanting to at least bury their friend. Beomgyu had taken a moment to breathe, eyes still fixated on the far end of the road. 

She took him.

They froze.

It could have been seconds or minutes, but then the yelling began. So many questions swirled about their heads, but it was all he could say, repeating the words over and over as if to comfort himself. 

Eventually they gave up, resigning themselves to the fate of never knowing if their youngest was dead or alive. As things turned out, Kai likely had the kindest outcome of them all (something Terry would be forever grateful for, if not a bit jealous), but in that moment they felt as if their world was collapsing. The real world, however, didn’t stop turning just because theirs had ended.

They weren’t safe in the store for long, merely an hour passing before a gang rode up. Scrambling for the exit, the boys barely made it out without being seen. They heard glass crashing behind them, a sound that still sent adrenaline flooding through Terry’s veins. 

Most of the following events were a complete blank, but sometime later, he found himself curled up with Beomgyu in a nondescript alleyway of the city—Yeonjun and Soobin nowhere to be found. That’s when they were caught.

A group of men bigger than them came around the corner faster than the boys could react. Even before they could cry, gun barrels were pressed painfully to their skulls, forcing their faces into the ground. The gang shouted at them demanding a response, but they were too shaken to translate and too smothered to respond even if they could. Terry could hear Beomgyu’s sobs, his own tears threatening to spill over. A hand replaced the gun, yanking his face up to meet his assailant’s. From the corner of his eye, he could see his older friend in the same position. 

They’re pretty.

Despite his spinning mind, the unspoken threat in the man’s words made his blood run cold. With a screech he yanked his head out of the aggressor’s hand, landing hard on his rear, and scrambled to run away. His attempt was cut short, however, and he was dragged across the alley floor by his ankle. Limbs thrashing, he felt his fingers brush up against something sharp. Grabbing it, he barely paused before he slashed the glass shard across his face. 

The gang’s shouting got louder at his action, and they dropped him. He didn’t have time to process their words. Moving on pure instinct, the brunette launched himself at Beomgyu, first slashing at the hands that held his friend, then going for the elder boy’s face. He was too late. 

One of the men behind Beomgyu grabbed his collar before the makeshift blade could touch him and a kick landed on Terry’s gut, sending him to the ground. 

It was then that he blacked out. Sometime later he found himself in a hospital bed, bandaged and Beomgyu-less, but alive. A nurse pulled back his curtain a moment after and informed him that he had been saved by the Alliance.

The Alliance would become both his haven and his ruin. The organization was more like a gang in how they operated—or at least how Terry assumed a gang operated. For a while, they saw him as a valuable asset. He picked up new skills faster than anyone else could and soon turned into their star sniper. Two years into the apocalypse, they assigned him a job in Vancouver—a job that could have him living in luxury if executed correctly. 

His target? Terry glanced to his left, taking in C’s sharp features being illuminated by the setting sun. “What?”

He shook his head, looking forward again, “Nothing.”

The Alliance had gotten wind that the second in command of the HHL would be traveling to Vancouver to recruit another elite—and they wanted that elite. A man specializing in cold weapons was highly sought after and, with their dwindling supply of gunpowder, firearms were getting more and more risky to maintain.

 So, they sent him. 

Three weeks later his team was halfway to their lookout when they got swarmed. He shouldn’t have been so surprised when they ran—the Alliance always had that every man for himself mentality—but even so he couldn’t contain his shock. 

He remembered closing his eyes, feeling the werewolf claws sink into his arms, the teeth in his ankle, and then… nothing. A whoosh of wind blew past his ear and his eyes flew open to see a tall woman sliding towards him on her knees, serrated machete poised to kill. In a display of strength, he hadn’t thought physically possible, the blade sliced straight through his upper calf, slicing the limb clear off. Without waiting for a response, another person hurried onto the scene. 

At that point his mind was a blur, both from pain and from a lack of sleep, but he could have sworn the man said something about a “blood-crazy bitch” before he drifted off into oblivion. 

Terry chuckled under his breath and C looked at him, “What are you laughing at?”

He smiled, “Blood-crazy bitch.”

Her eyes turned back to the road in front of them, a smirk on her face. “Awe, you were thinking of me?”

“When am I not?” 

She gave him a dead look, but the golf cart pulled up to the old greenhouse before she said anything. 

“Alpha!” The door slammed open as Kai sped towards C, throwing himself into her arms. No matter how many times it happened, Terry could never get over how easy it seemed for her to catch the taller man’s full body weight. Though most of it was certainly supernatural, he’d witnessed on multiple occasions how hard she worked for her strength. Not that she’d ever acknowledge it, but he knew. 

“Hi Kai!” She greeted him with a butterfly kiss, the younger Lupus melting from the display of affection. Terry groaned and walked through the greenhouse entrance, ignoring a muted comment about his hypocrisy. They followed behind him after a moment. 

“Do you know where Beah is?” He wasn’t impatient, but he didn’t want to waste any more time than he had to, seeing as the humans' festival was nearing full swing.

Kai hummed, “She’s over by the cauliflower.” The older man nodded, beginning the walk to the top left corner of the building. 

C hung back to walk hand in hand with Kai. Though he had always been a touchy person, the change seemed to have upped its intensity. When Terry asked the Alpha, she chalked it up to the boy’s Omega status. More questioning ensued and at the end he came away with two points. One; being Omega meant that they didn't have a soul bond. Two; knotting wasn’t something Alphas did. 

That last point he really could have gone without knowing, but when C was in a sharing mood there wasn’t much stopping her. In all honesty, he knew more about Lupi than most Lupi did, but with his position as acting Beta, it wasn’t too much of a surprise. 

“Have you given any thought to binding into the pack?” C asked Kai, pulling Terry from his thoughts.

“I have. I don’t know if I want to though.” Terry thought it was stupid to avoid a pack bind as an Omega. Though most Lupi would figure out their class on their 20th birthday, Alphas and Omegas knew from the start what they were. Denying a pack bond as an Omega would leave Kai on Prosorinos for the rest of his life and relying on a drug whose direct translation literally meant ‘temporary’ didn’t seem like the brightest idea. 

“Well you could always find someone specific to bind to instead.” C tilted her head in thought but was interrupted by Beah calling her name. 

Hurrying over the larger female saw her much smaller companion struggling under a bag of soil. She grabbed it with one hand, relieving Beah of its weight. “Thanks. Could you put it on that table over there?” C hummed in affirmation and placed it gently on the workbench her companion pointed to. Beah dusted her palms off and climbed onto the makeshift step stool made out of a wooden plank suspended between two upturned, five-gallon buckets. Now just barely looking down on C’s intimidating height, she addressed the younger woman, “Was there something you needed help with?”

“Two things, actually. Do you know how the power facility is doing? And I’m in need of a Pros shot now if you need me to go check on the facility tomorrow.” 

Beah clapped and hopped back off her makeshift bench, walking over to a half height fridge and pulling something out of it. She returned with a needle in hand and motioned for C to roll up her sleeves. A command C quickly complied with, exposing the veins in her right forearm to the experienced nurse. Terry watched as the liquid gradually disappeared into his friend’s body, her eyes lighting up with a blue overtone before going back to their typical hazel-green color when the tube had emptied. No matter how many times he saw that, he could never get over the creepy factor.

The petite black woman pulled the needle out and pressed a cotton ball (that seemed to spawn from nowhere) to the puncture wound. An unnecessary gesture since Lupi always healed quickly, but one that was appreciated, nonetheless. Sure enough, when C removed the fluff seconds later, there was no more evidence of her injection. “I definitely need you on that power run. We’ve been getting some weird readings, and though it might just be the wild boars chewing through wires, I want you to check it out for yourself.” Her movements stilled for a moment. “Take a few electricians with you as well. If it is the boars, we’ll need to repair what we can.”

C nodded in agreement, but Terry could see the disbelief flit over her features. Beah hadn’t been out of the compound in years (neither had he, but C spoke often enough about her ventures) and clearly didn’t know how the facility was set up. A topic for another time though. “Speaking of the boars, Terry needs some leather for gloves, and I have a few Lupi that are missing the taste of pigs blood. Mind if I kill one?”

Beah waved a delicate, dirt-covered hand and turned back to the workbench. “Do what you want.” Terry refused to look at the obviously antagonizing stare C shot him. He should have known. If C stayed out of human business, she was free to do as she pleased. Once again he was thankful she was on his side. “Did you need anything, Terry?” The human jolted as Beah directed her attention onto him, a gentleness in her voice not present when speaking to the Alpha.

“Uh, no. Just the leather thing.” He cursed his nerves and hoped the words came out more confident than they sounded in his head. Judging by the poorly concealed smirk on C’s face, however, they did not. If Beah noticed, she gracefully declined to comment, sparing his feelings at least a tad.

Despite her silent teasing, C wrapped an arm over his shoulders and gave them an out, “Alright! We’re gonna go now. I’ll head off at dawn with a small team. Bai Bai, Kai!” She turned him around and called to Beah as they headed out, “Be back by noon!” Beah grunted in acknowledgement and waved them off. “You're hopeless.” This particular comment was mercifully whispered into his ear. Even so it sent a flush running down his neck. He shoved her off before sprinting to the golf cart, something he definitely should not have done without adjusting the height of his running blade first. C politely disregarded his near wipe out and followed at a slower pace to give him some space. 

The ride to the community center was silent except for the increasingly rowdy crowd of humans swarming to the community center, prepared for a night of drinks and unwinding without worrying about Lupi. 

Twice a year most of the Lupinas would go into heat at roughly the same time. This year the first heat wave was just before the Lunar celebration was set to take place. During the time when most Lupi were confined to the West Quarters, the humans had their own celebrations–mostly just dancing and copious amounts of booze—that helped them ignore the bigger problems of the apocalypse. 

Starting tonight, Terry wouldn’t be allowed into the West Quarters. It was a rule C imposed on him after the first time he’d almost been jumped by a mob of horny Lupinas. Not that he would mind the sex part, but the biting part was a strict no for him. He wasn’t even sure if he’d ever want to be turned. Bond or not, he wouldn’t feel a thing as a human, so if she ever came along, he’d have to fall in love with her first. 

Amid his thoughts, the cart pulled up to where most of the HHL’s humans had congregated. “Your stop, T.” He hopped off, blade taking the impact, and turned to disappear into the crowd. "Wait!" Her shout had him turning back only to get a wad of fur to his face. "Don't forget your dinner and don’t get too trashed and- and make sure you get to bed, ok?” He sent her a noncommittal wave. 

He was going to get wasted. There’d be no C telling him what to do. No Beah and her—totally not—intimidating presence. He was going to enjoy this. Never mind the inevitable call to C in the afternoon when he awoke and the scolding that would follow. For right now, there were no authorities to shove a stick up his ass, and he was going to relish it.

previous part next part

[normal-horoscopes]

Actually yo what the fuck is andrenochrome?? My qanon chud mom talks about it a lot and I never thought to wonder if it was one of her batshit conspiracy things

HOOOO BOY BUCKLE UP LET ME SEE IF I CAN DO THIS

THIS IS GONNA CONTAIN MENTIONS OF PEDOPHILIA, NECROPHILIA, MURDER, AND ANTISEMITISM.

SO ADRENOCHROME IS A REAL CHEMICAL COMPOUND PRODUCED BY THE OXIDIZATION OF EPINEPHRINE IN THE BODY, FURTHER OXIDIZATION CAUSES IT TO POLYMERIZE INTO A NEUROMELANIN COMPOUND

BASICALLY, IF SOMETHING EXCITING OR STRESSFUL HAPPENS TO YOU, YOUR BODY TRIES TO CREATE NEW NEURONS TO MAKE IT LESS STRESSFUL NEXT TIME. ADRENOCHROME IS A PART OF THAT PROCESS. WE DONT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ITS ROLE IS THOUGH.

BACK AROUND 1944 A PAIR OF CANADIAN BIOCHEMSITS THEORIZED THAT THE COMPOUND WAS LINKED TO PSYCHOSIS, CREATING THE “ADRENOCHROME THEORY OF SCHIZOPHRENIA” BUT IN 1973 THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION POINTED OUT THE BLATANT FLAWS IN THEIR METHODOLOGY AND DISCREDITED THE HYPOTHESIS

THE COMPOUND SUPPOSEDLY CAN BE USED AS A PSYCHOACTIVE DRUG. ALDOUS HUXLEY AND HUNTER S THOMPSON HAVE BOTH MENTIONED THE COMPOUND AS HAVING AN EFFECT SIMILAR TO MESCALINE, THOUGH HUXLEY SAID THEY NEVER ACTUALLY TRIED IT AND ITS UNCONFIRMED IF THOMPSON EVER DID. HERES HOW THOMPSON MENTIONS ADRENOCHROME IN FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS:

“Where’d you get this?” I asked. “You can’t buy it.” “Never mind,” he said. “It’s absolutely pure.” I shook my head sadly. “What kind of monster client have you picked up this time? There’s only one source for this stuff.” He nodded. “The adrenaline glands of a living human body,” I said. “It’s no good if you get it out of a corpse.”

THOMPSON PAINTS IT AS THIS HYPER-RARE DRUG ONLY AVAILABLE TO PEOPLE WITH THE POWER AND RESOURCES TO HARVEST IT FROM LIVING HUMAN BEINGS

NOW, BACK IN THE 1940s WHEN FASCISM WAS ON THE RISE, FASCISTS WOULD ACCUSE JEWS OF THE MOST CARTOONISHLY EVIL THINGS THEY COULD IN AN ATTEMPT TO DEMONIZE THEM. THIS IS CALLED “BLOOD LIBEL“ AND BACK IN THE 1940s THE HOT THING TO ACCUSE PEOPLE OF WAS DRINKING THE BLOOD OF CHILDREN IN SOME SORT OF NEFARIOUS RITUAL.

(HELLA TW FOR THIS NEXT BIT)

THIS HAS EVOLVED OVER TIME TO CONTAIN EVERYTHING FROM DRUG FUELED BACCHANALIA TO PEDOPHILIA. ADRENOCHROME HAPPENED TO FIT PERFECTLY INTO THE MYTHOLOGY. IT GAVE IT A PROFIT MOTIVE. BECAUSE SUPPOSEDLY, THE BEST ADRENOCHROME IS PRODUCED WHEN THE VICTIM IS KILLED DURING A MOMENT OF INTENSE PAIN AND/OR SEXUAL CLIMAX.

MEANING NOW IT WASN'T JUST LONE CHILDREN BEING STOLEN, FOR SECRETIVE ILLUMINATI PARTIES, IT WAS AN ENTIRE CLANDESTINE ECONOMY OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING AND NIGHTMARISH SECRET CHILD TORTURE CENTERS, ONE OF WHICH WAS SUPPOSEDLY LOCATED IN THE BASEMENT OF THE COMET PING PONG AND PIZZERIA IN WASHINGTON DC, THE LOCATION OF THE PIZZAGATE CONSPIRACY.

[bitchesgetriches]

Hi bitches, I'm a bit nervous to ask this but I'm being genuine I promise. I don't want you to think I'm some biggoted old fool.

Could you please help me understand how sex work isn't exploitative? I hear a lot of people saying "it's just the same as normal work, it's better than my job at Amazon/target/wherever and no one is calling that work exploitative" or "well you wouldn't do YOUR job if you didn't have to either" but like, checkout work IS hella exploitative??? Most work IS hella bullshit that only exists to feed the capitalist machine. I DO fight for a world where work is a choice. I understand why The Right would love onlyfans, but why is The Left lining up to defend it?

Sex work - especially things like onlyfans - is overwhelmingly done by the poor or as a way to escape poverty ("I was being paid shit in my previous job, now I can afford an apartment" is something I hear a lot). But in doing so it transfers all the risks to them, it's essentially turning sex work into the gig/hustle economy, isn't it? You end up on a zero hour contract with no union, health, benefit, maternity protection, in a job that can be hella dangerous and have serious emotional repercussions and requires huge emotional labour and/or disconnect and I don't really understand why we're just cheering this along?

I don't object on moral grounds. Sex is sex. Consenting adults do what you want. People are well within their moral and legal rights to choose to sell sex, (or the emotional labour that comes with it), or photos, or whatever they want - just like they are free to go work for target. I absolutely understand the need to - and support - decriminalisation of sex work, the need to make it safe and secure for sex workers, but I just can't see why ~the world at large~ sees huge numbers of young 18 year old women being herded and encouraged into joining Onlyfans - in several cases with people saying "can't wait for you to turn 18 so you can have an OF" so the patriarchy can pay £3-4 a month to see their tits and people cheer this along? One or two get rich, I'm sure, but who is getting REALLY rich? It's the old white men that own onlyfans and take a 20% cut, as always. It's the patriarchy working as it always has. Allowing one or two women to succeed while holding the rest down for exploitation. Except now it's mixing with the worst bits of 21st C capitalism, too. Surely all OnlyFans is is Uber for Sex work, using the gig economy to de-unionise and isolate workers, strip them of benefits, make them into independent contractors and profit off them?

Sure, it's a step up from kidnapping girls from Romania to have them do porn, but is that really the bar? Can we maybe just stop for a second and imagine a world where rich white men don't get richer off the emotional and physical labour of women? Where the other available work options aren't so shit that a zero-hour career with no employment protections, a limited lifespan, in a dangerous industry doesnt look like heaven in comparison? Sure, you can work for three years, sell your emotional labour, and pay for college. But why are we cheering that instead of asking why this has to happen in the first place? We're fiddling around the edges of the system, giving it a makeover, and rebadging it "female empowerment" instead of actually changing anything fundamental. Poor women sell sex. A few are allowed to break out. Men get to leer at naked women for pennies a year. Rich men get richer. Plus ça change. Not even to mention that because of the ~emotional~ connection that onlyfans gives beyond porn, we're embedding the idea that women are "money in, girlfriend out" machines. I know several girls that won't even *talk* to men in any situation without a minimum $50 fee. And apparently the fact we also have a crisis of men so lonely they're willing to pay this isn't a problem either? Where's our luxury communism dreams bitches?

Bitches, I trust you. What am I missing?

I don’t think you’re a bigoted old fool. Nor a prude! I think you’re incredibly enlightened about the dangers of unfettered capitalism and labor exploitation.

Almost all of the issues you highlight about exploitative sex work can be said about exploitative labor in any industry. Poor people taking shitty jobs that don’t pay enough and enrich capitalist, patriarchal corporate overlords? That happens all over the world in industries from meat packing to clothing sweat shops to, yes, sex work. The exploitation of a person’s body for labor is an ethical stain on our culture at large. It’s why we’re so in favor of labor rights advances including a higher minimum wage, unions, and humane work environments. 

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make Our Lives Better 

Are Unions Good or Bad? 

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights 

Sex work is not unique in that it opens desperate and poor people up to labor exploitation. It’s not even uniquely dangerous to the bodies of workers--John Oliver did a bit on the US meat packing industry recently that made me faint with body horror. 

So we agree that labor exploitation is bad. And it’s something that we should work towards ending in every industry. But I can see why some people would view exploitative sex work to be a different kind of bad. Because sex is sensitive! It can be used to punish and hurt. See revenge porn and the way synonyms for “sex worker” are stigmatized and used as insults throughout society. 

Now, a few clarifications. When I refer to sex work, I’m not just talking about cam work on OnlyFans. There are lots of other outlets for many different kinds of sex work. And I’m also not just talking about women sex workers. People of all gender identities and sexualities do sex work, and we should advocate for fair labor practices and safety for all of them. I am firmly pro- decriminalizing sex work so that the industry can be made safe, regulated, and destigmatized in an effort to reduce exploitation. I want sex workers to have the power of collective bargaining! I want them to be protected by law enforcement and our justice system, instead of targeted by it! I want them to pay taxes and have the privileges associated with all tax paying workers! I want them to have the power and protection of a regulatory industry that will purge abusive and violent clients from their field!

I also disagree with the characterization that choosing sex work freely, even out of desperation, is a “step up from kidnapping a girl from Romania to have them do porn.” Human trafficking is not sex work. It’s slavery and torture. Even when the choice is between making $7.25 an hour working at WalMart and making $7.25 as a cam girl, there’s still a choice involved, even if it’s a shitty one. There’s consent. Trafficking victims have no choice, no consent, only violence. 

I honestly don’t want to start a debate here. We’re all on the same page that labor exploitation is bad. So I’ll just end with this: not all sex work is inherently exploitative. Which I guess is your real question!

I’ve mentioned before that I have friends who are former sex workers. Specifically strippers and a specialty dominatrix. As with any job, they had their ups and downs, their good nights and bad nights. But they all agree that they freely chose the work not out of desperation or a lack of other options. And they even enjoyed the work in some cases. If someone prefers sex work, thrives in giving that emotional labor to others, I’m not going to judge and I’m certainly not going to tell them they’re being exploited. It would frankly be insulting, condescending, to tell someone that their choice of work (when it truly is a choice) is bad for them. 

It’s a fine line, but the line does exist. Sex work CAN BE exploitative. But it is not inherently exploitative, as far as I’m concerned. 

[mythicamagic]

i totally agree on the key maiden plot being bs!! it absolutely ruined dante's route for me :/

now i'm wondering about your opinion on orlok? bc i personally couldn't really see how his route was supposed to be romantic. and oh man that bad end left an impression... but i also found the good end unsettling, somehow.

anyways, have a good day/ night <3

I feel bad for Orlok as a character, I think if the writing for him was better he could’ve been okay, but as it is he got the shaft a lot. They made him very sympathetic, what with his backstory and upbringing, but his father is never held accountable and is even kinda framed as a good guy? No thanks bruh, because of you, Orlok thinks it's okay to go through life eating only bread and drinking water - basically having crumbs for life. Boy is malnourished on both love and food. Mostly I just want nice things for him but I did personally find him a bit boring. He’s not as bad as the Falzones though, its just that cinnamon rolls aren’t my thing. And as a love interest? Gonna pass on that. Orlok felt like one of Lili’s missing children from the church orphanage. He just fits right in:

She read him bedtime stories and tucked him in FFS, their whole deal was very mothering.  I have some issues with how Orlok sees Lili too, as if she’s some sort of flawless creature from the heavens. He’s not as bad as Henri on the judgey mc judgerson scale- the latter basically shaming Lili in the Finale whenever he sees her for hanging out with the Mafia (something she can't really help.) Still though Orlok said some stuff in the game that’s very…virtue guarding that I don’t vibe with. 

 Liliana is also extremely unlikable in Orlok’s route, as with most MCs she changes a bit based on who she’s with. Lili in Orloks route doubles down on the religious aspect of her character and is hella judgy. She calls the Lao Shu Heathens, much like how Orlok calls Yang the Devil (lol) and while yes, they’re not good people- I think them not believing in God should be the last thing on your priority list to point them out as ‘bad guys.’ Also the whole Luka thing was awful. Dying orphan is dying but OH WE MUST BAPTISE HIM. Yes because that’s what’s most important here.

While I’m here and on a rant, let me just say - I don’t like the portrayal of any of the mafia bosses in Orloks route too. It feels like a different writer handled them. Some people complain about Dante being OOC but I have less of a problem with him here, it tracks that he’d go unstable. Dude is very fragile and weak without Nicola and the memory of his dad’s killer getting unlocked makes him snap- reasons are given for it that we can follow.

Gil and Yang though? Nah they got screwed over here.

Gilbert in every other route is pretty amiable to the public. He’ll kill the innocent without hesitation but only if the circumstances call for it (i.e: Lili being Yang’s woman makes it okay for Gil to shoot her/ the boat incident where he sinks the ship and kills the human trafficking victims) Otherwise though, he’s a ‘for the people’ guy. He didn’t get his leadership through heritage (Dante) or by being strong (Yang) he got it because of his people skills, his charisma. In his route, he’s clearly got some interest in what’s going on with Lili but he protects her and takes in Luka largely because he cares about the citizens. What does he do in Orlok’s route? Well fuck all that stuff, Lili and Orlok interrupted his business deal!!! …Because they were fleeing for their lives from the Falzones and the Falzone’s were shooting loudly! So it’s all Orlok’s fault Gil's deal went south and now Gil must kill him! 

Yeah that…makes sense. 

With Yang, I think a lot of people won’t notice how different his writing is. They’ll dismiss him as ‘well he’s Yang, he’s crazy.’ True, but Yang has certain things that make him tick. In his route and others, its established he values survival. He will do anything to get entertainment yes, but also survive- because he wants to keep playing. He wants to have fun. Yang specifically values Wisdom in his route, because wisdom = survival. He likes it when Lili cleverly fights back to survive. What does Yang do in Orlok’s route? He sets up this plan for everyone to chase Orlok and try to kill him, just because, and then fights Orlok- while saying:

Like wow. Way to miss the point of his character. He’s also very a cartoony villain here.

Seriously who tf is this guy. Why the hell would Yang care about that. 

I won’t touch on Orloks bad end because there's not much to say. It's your standard 'lets now horrifically torture these characters.' I hear some of the bad ends in 1926 go in that direction too.

[cottoncandyjester]

please tell me there are more cuties like sully! gang introduction??????

Oh now it’s gonna be hard for y’all to choose which gang to want now

We obviously won’t talk about Dante but yeah here’s the gang

Warning is contains: talk about gangs, violence,drugs, trafficking

Ernesto, 50

Look I know at least one of y’all are gonna simp for this man

Is the leader

Seems like a pretty chill leader

He always likes to see Dante take charge..it’s amusing

This doesn’t mean he should be messed with though

His gang does so many different kind of business

From both human and drug trafficking, weapons, contract killing, gambling and more

No one would ever dare to cross them

Despite his business he is all for his members treating innocent people with respect

He is also very protective of minorities and lgbtq+

He donated so much money to charities in those departments

He also has been known to offer protection and shelter to those in abusive or toxic situations in exchange for them doing grunt work but he always makes sure it’s never too scary or difficult

Often likes to spoil his group with wine and a celebration every now and then..helps morale and stuff

He is definitely sugar daddy vibes

He sees his group as his kids…dumb idiotic kids

Luis, 25

Comes off as very cold

He doesn’t seem to car one bit about the women, men and children he’s helping and even leading to her trafficked

He sometimes even is the one who lures and kidnaps them

He helps keep things in order

Cause of his job he stays away from relationships

Okay that’s a lie the truth is that he’s a virgin and is too scared of admitting that he’s never kissed anyone besides his parents.

The idea of opening up to someone scares him

He never even touched himself sexually before

He drowns himself in his work to the point where he isn’t used to physical affection or even emotional affection

Even when he isn’t at work he’s still working

He’s always scouting for new recruits or something to help the group in some way

When he’s drunk that’s when his fun side comes out

He’s loud, sensitive and just emotional

Getting him to drink is a hard task though

Fritz, 29

He’s one of the main muscles

A total loud mouth

His and Dante always go out to strip clubs

Sleeps around so much that he forgets the names of the people he fucks

His favorite thing to say is “a hole is a hole, plus everyone has nipples”

He doesn’t believe in that true love crap

He does a lot of the dirty work which usually means a lot of the killing and transporting of shipments

Usually gets in trouble a lot for his temper

Has a sex addiction

Not even kidding if he doesn’t have sex at least three times a day several rounds each time he’s hella cranky

Hella hyper and childish at times

Will and has argued with kids which led to physical altercations

Is so damn petty

Like sure he is a mafia member but he is willing to fight someone over the dumbest shit

Sully, 23

The charmer of the group

Is the best smooth talker

He can negotiate and talk his way out of anything

Is also amazing with a gun

Is so dramatic like hella dramatic

He can’t last an hour without praise

He does everything in his power to stay pretty

I mean everything like he has a 14 step skin care routine

If he gets a scratch or bruise on his face he will lose his damn mind

Has killed people very violently the moment they mess up his looks

Usually makes sure fritz doesn’t do anything dumb

He loves to drink wine at lounge clubs and go out to elegant places

He loves taking his partner out to those places as well

Is constantly gushing about how amazing his partner is

Cause of this he usually is forced to be gagged when he’s too annoying

He loves origami, he finds it so fun

Cause of this he likes to make origami flower bouquets or animals for his partner to show his love

Antonio, 24

The main reason why any of the hits get done

The most violent person of this group

He usually forgets/ doesn’t want to put a shirt on so he doesn’t

Also finds the thought of cutting his hair to be annoying so he just lets it grow and braids it

He comes across as lazy and dull but when it comes to a hit he gets it done pretty quickly

He just wants to eat though

The most gluttonous person ever

His stomach is a black hole

If you ever wanna get him to do anything just offer him food

Is strong as all hell

He doesn’t even need a gun he just has a large array of knives along with knowing how to fight

He is so cuddly and sweet though

He kinda rather lounge around and eat

Is always hungry..like always

He could be high…no one knows

[eyeofthedrgn]

A Heavy Battle Symphony Chapter 8

Catch up here >> AHBS Masterlist

TW: language, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, violence, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, self-esteem issues, sexual abuse (only alluded to briefly in future chapters), drinking (comes up late in the story) just a lot of trauma, angst, smut - lots of lovely gay smut

Word count: 1739

Notes: This chapter is slightly graphic on the physical abuse. It's only like two lines, but I wanted to make it known.

Chapter 8 - Sorry for Now

After a while you may forget

But just in case the memories cross your mind

You couldn't know this when I left

Under the fire of your angry eyes

I never wanted to say goodbye

Four months, thirteen days, and ten hours, not that he was counting, since he left. Since the dark haired boy had walked away, leaving Rowan standing on the sidewalk. Since his mind spiraled out of control, and it felt like part of him died.

Rowan had been seeing a therapist for the last three months. It had helped, somewhat. At least he could function as a relatively normal human being again, when he was around people anyway. Most of the time. He almost didn't graduate. Thankfully, his mom, his friend group, and his therapist had helped him get through it.

But all in all, Rowan felt empty. Somehow his heart was broken. He hadn't realized someone could get so attached to someone so fast even though they never really talked or hung out. Maybe it was because they shared such vulnerabilities with each other that day in the park or there really was such a thing as a soulmate and his just left him. Either way, he was broken inside. Yet, he still went to parties with his friends, hung out, but he wasn't always present. Everyone noticed the vacant stares, but they usually left it alone. They all knew the general gist of what happened that day, but they could never understand the emotional gravity well that that day had caused. No one knew that Rowan had fallen for the other boy.

Except the ever observant Elide. She noticed everything. The way Rowan spoke about Lorcan, the way his eyes lit up when he saw the other boy walking down the hall, and the small looks they both shared on cast signing day.

But nobody had seen Lorcan after he had walked away. He never came back to school. No one knew what to think. Most assumed they moved again and they left it at that. Rowan assumed the worst after seeing Lorcan's bruises and him basically saying this was a usual occurrence.

Rowan was brought back to the present when a beach ball hit him in the head. He was sitting on the edge of Aelin's pool, sulking, feet dangling in the water. Aelin was throwing one of her parties, it was nearly the end of summer and soon most of them would head off to college. The noises from his friends finally filtering back into his head, it was suddenly too loud, too bright, and too hot. He ran a hand down his face.

Fenrys had been the beach ball throwing culprit, Rowan just glared at him.

"Come on, Ro. Try and have some fun?" Fen had swam over to Rowan and crossed his arms over the edge of the pool. The roguish blond just wanted him to be happy.

“I’m sorry.” He said that a lot now. Fenrys just raised an eyebrow at the boy… man.

He was eighteen now and he wasn't that scrawny, nerdy looking boy anymore. Rowan supposed that was one good thing that came out of Lorcan leaving, he got addicted to working out. There was a punching bag set up in the garage with some weights. He was fit now, muscles defined, but not bulky.

Elide walked up and mussed up his hair. "Come help me get some drinks." She didn't leave any room for argument.

In the kitchen, Elide just leaned forward on the island and looked at Rowan.

"I thought we were getting drinks."

"Yeah, we will. But-"

"But what?" He really didn't mean to say that with such an attitude, but he was hot and emotionally exhausted. Honestly, he just wanted to go home.

Elide was on her phone, waiting for him to chill. Taking a deep breath he said, "I'm sorry. What did you want to talk about?" Rowan was trying, he really was. She just slid her phone over the counter towards him. He furrowed his brows as he looked at the article on the screen.

Consultants for Erawan Enterprises arrested on counts of fraud, child abuse, human trafficking, and other illicit activities

"What's this?" He had no idea what this was about. Why would he care about Erawan Enterprises?

He picked up the phone and kept reading since Elide clearly wasn’t going to answer. It was short and there was a photo of a devastatingly beautiful woman with dark as night hair, that reminded him of Lorcan, and alabaster skin in handcuffs being pushed into a cop car and a very angry man shoved against the hood of the same car.

Maeve Valgerian and James Perrington were arrested Wednesday night. After some anonymous tips to the Morath Police.

"Who are these people?" Rowan didn't understand.

"Pretty sure she's Lorcan's aunt."

Oh.

Rowan had searched for Lorcan online after he disappeared, but there was literally nothing. Absolutely zero results. It was like he was a ghost.

They were consultants for Erawan Enterprises and moved all over the world for the very powerful man. Erawan Enterprises is under investigation for fraud, money laundering, and human trafficking.

After Valgerian and Perrington were arrested, MPD searched their residence and found incriminating evidence against them.

There was also a teenager held captive in the basement. They were taken to the nearest hospital with severely critical injuries. The name and gender of this individual will not be released for their safety.

The article was published nearly two months ago.

Human trafficking…

Held captive...

Severely critical injuries...

"Please, don't break my phone." He was squeezing the device and didn't realize it. Quickly handing it back to her, his hand went straight to his hair.

“Are you sure this is his aunt?”

“Well, not 100%, but they have physical similarities and their hair…” she trailed off. “And Lorcan had mentioned his aunt’s boyfriend living with them one day in class.”

"Fuck!" He felt like he wanted to rip his hair out.

"Ro." Elide's voice was quiet.

"FUCK!"

After a couple deep breaths, he ran his hands down his face, and then turned to face his friend. "Is he dead?" His voice cracked.

"I don't know. All of the other articles I could find are just about them and Erawan Enterprises. No mentions of Lorcan. Anywhere. It's like he doesn't exist."

Elide pulled him into a hug and he broke.

---

Lorcan had been through shit show after shit show since he left the Whitethorn house. As soon as he returned to the apartment, it was packed up into a moving van and they were gone.

They were in Fenharrow for a couple months. Maeve didn't enroll him in school. He was locked in the basement of the small house they rented, it felt like he had gone crazy. He hadn't seen the sun until they moved again. His skin turned a sickly gray. By the time they moved again, he could feel every one of his ribs, and his hips stuck out, his fingers overlapping when wrapped around his wrist.

Next move was to Morath. Lorcan didn't know if he would survive. He didn’t have a good feeling about this place. The basement became his home yet again. It was filthy. There were thick iron hooks in opposite walls and chains hanging from them. This was where he was going to die. He closed his eyes as Perrington latched the shackles around his wrists.

---

One day, Lorcan heard sirens intermittently. He kept passing out. He wasn't even sure he was hearing sirens or if it was just a ringing in his ears. They were always ringing nowadays. A punch to his face made his vision flicker. Blood and saliva leaked from his mouth as his head rolled down to his chest.

The ringing in his ears got louder. There definitely weren't sirens. No one was going to save him. He was going to die here. He knew it. It was what he deserved. The bastard born half-breed that no one cared about, left to die in his own filth in a disgusting basement. The world slowly faded to black.

---

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

He was in Hel. He had to be.

Beep.

The incessant beeping was there to drive him insane. And the smell of bleach was there to make him sick.

Beep.

---

Lorcan startled awake. How could he be awake? He was supposed to be dead. Right?

The nightmare he was having felt so real. Probably because he had lived it before. He assumed that was just what Hel was supposed to be, reliving the worst parts of your life.

But instead, he was in a bed, a hospital bed. Why did they save him? Lorcan wasn't worth saving. Yet, here he was covered in wires, tubes, a needle stuck in his hand, a device on his finger. It was dark outside and the lights were dim in the room.

Deciding he wasn’t actually dead, he took stock of his body, he was certain he had some broken ribs, but nothing else seemed to be broken which was surprising. He was definitely sore and stiff. And exhausted. So exhausted.

---

After… Lorcan didn't know how long he was discharged. He had put on some weight, though not a lot. The staff made sure he ate. They were all nice and cared for him. But now, he stood outside the main entrance of the hospital in some scrubs they gave him. Now, he had nothing. Nobody. He may as well have been lost at sea.

Why had they saved him? He still couldn’t figure that out.

Somehow, he managed to find the small house that he had been stuck in for who knows how long. There was police tape over the door. The door was open.

He pushed through the tape. The house was a mess. It seemed the cops had ransacked the place. But he finally found his things, they were strewn about the floor. Thank Hellas, his journal was still there. After changing, he packed up his books and journal, some clothes, and a few other other necessities.

He needed money or something he could sell. Maeve's jewelry would help. He could pawn it.

Lorcan asked the pawnshop owner for directions to the bus station, and then he set out to see if there was still one person who cared about him. Hopefully this wasn’t a bad idea.

____

Thanks for reading. Things will get better, I promise! Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

Edit- oops! I forgot to actually put in tags... My bad. Sorry!

@thenerdandfandoms @starlightorstarfire

[whentherewerebicycles]

i am not reblogging this post from OP (posted 2 days ago, with 4,400 notes and counting) because i know that often people are just making their own vent posts on their blogs and maybe don’t expect them to circulate widely outside of their small tumblr circle! and i don’t mean to like, jump on someone who is just commenting on something and then going on with their life. but i feel like i keep seeing versions of this sentiment on leftist twitter too and i really think it is a gross misrepresentation of the bill that passed earlier this month - which is due in part to social media’s intense focus on the “stimulus check” part of the bill. but the bill was not called “the stimulus check” act! it was called “The American Rescue Plan” and it was specifically geared towards providing desperately-needed relief to the American middle & working classes. the $1400 direct payments to individuals was just one small portion of the bill. here are the far more important parts:

in addition to receiving a $1400 direct payment themselves, individuals with children receive an additional $1400 check for each dependent

college students who are still listed as dependents on their parents’ tax forms (typically so they can retain health insurance benefits under the ACA) can more easily claim stimulus money - which is huge for college kids who may be helping to financially support immediate or extended family members

unemployment benefits have been extended from March 31, 2021 (their original expiration date) to September 6, 2021

unemployment benefits will be supplemented with a $300 weekly payment (ie $300 on top of what people are receiving from their state government)

unemployment benefits received in 2020-21 are tax-exempt (a retroactive change that means people who are unemployed won’t receive a surprise tax bill counting their unemployment money as “income”)

a substantial tax credit for employers who offer paid sick leave and paid family leave benefits (ie creating a direct incentive for employers to authorize emergency paid leave)

15% increase in food stamp benefits and extension of eligibility

child and family tax credit benefits!!!! this is the part that people are describing as one of the most significant anti-poverty initiatives in American history. families are eligible for a tax credit of $3600 for each child under the age of 6 and $3000 for each child between 6-18. people can also claim a child and dependent care credit with a maximum benefit of $4000 for one eligible dependent and up to $8000 for two or more. it also expands the earned income tax credit and lowers the age limit to 19. dems also pushed to get at least 50% of the tax credit money to people this year instead of making them wait for their 2021 tax return. this calculator allows you to calculate how much families will receive. if you make $50,000 a year and have four children, you will receive $13,200 through the child tax credit alone, paid out in monthly payments of $1,100 from July to December 2021 + an additional $6,600 lump-sum payment when you file your 2021 tax return early next year. there are also some additional dependent-related tax credits things that I don’t fully understand but that seem to indicate people are eligible for even more money.

forgiven student loan debt is made tax-free (a necessary prerequisite for future efforts to cancel/forgive student loan debt)

huge expansion of grant benefits to small businesses, including $28.6 billion specifically for bars and restaurants; $15 billion for low-interest, long-term replayment emergency disaster loans; and $7 billion more for the paycheck protection program (which can only be used on payroll expenses and makes it possible for small businesses to keep workers on payroll even if they are operating at lower capacity). you can describe this as “for the economy only” if you want, but I sure feel like it will alleviate a whole lot of human suffering by allowing people to keep their jobs & paychecks even if their workplaces remain partially shut down. my dad is a small business owner and has been able to keep his entire staff on payroll through the entire pandemic. the bill also includes billions for airlines and concert venues, which will again! means people won’t lose their jobs!! plus it allocates $175 million to fund a Community Navigator Program that reaches out to eligible businesses and helps guide them through the application process—ie making it possible for small businesses to actually take receive these benefits.

$350 billion to state, local, and tribal governments

$130 billion for K-12 schools to improve ventilation, reduce class sizes, purchase PPE for employees and students, and hire support staff; of this money, 20% must be dedicated to programs designed to counteract “learning loss” from students who missed school during the pandemic

$40 billion for colleges and universities, at least $20 billion of which must go to emergency grants to students (our university has been giving regular emergency grants throughout the pandemic to students to help cover rent, unexpected medical expenses, costs related to family emergencies or lost family income, tuition bills that they suddenly can’t pay, fees associated with wifi or purchasing tech equipment so they can learn virtually)

a HUGE amount of money four housing benefits!!!! i keep seeing people yelling about how $1400 won’t cover their rent but THAT’S WHAT THE RENTAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS ARE FOR. $21.6 billion in rent and utility assistance, paid directly to states and local governments so they can disburse it to eligible households!!! plus $5 billion to Section 8 housing (which “must go to those who are or were recently homeless, as well as individuals who are escaping from domestic violence, sexual assualt, or human trafficking”).

$5 billion to support state and local programs for homeless and at-risk individuals (can be used for rental assistance, homelessness prevention services, and counseling; can also be used to purchase properties that will be turned into permanent shelters or affordable housing for people who are homeless). plus an additional $120 for housing counseling.

$4.5 billion earmarked for a special assistance program that helps low-income households cover costs of heating and cooling and $500 million to cover water costs

$750 million in housing assistance for tribes and native Hawaiians (who are also eligible for other benefits through the rental assistance and direct tribal government grants described above)

and then BILLIONS of dollars to support FEMA, the Veterans Affairs’ healthcare system, the CDC, and state, local, and territorial public health departments for all things related to: COVID testing, contact tracing, vaccine production and distribution, vaccine outreach, PPE, and public health education. this includes (among many, MANY other things), $5.4 billion to the Indian Health Services (division of the Department of Health and Human Services that specifically provides health services to Native people and tribal territories), $200 million for nursing loan repayment programs, $80 million for mental health training, $3.5 billion in block grants specifically geared towards community mental health programs and substance abuse/prevention/treatment programs

$86 billion for a rescue package for pension funds (esp union-sponsored pension funds) that are on the verge of collapse - collectively covering 10.7 million workers.

billions of dollars for public transit programs (and sure, public transit is important to the economy, but access to regular, reliable, affordable, and safe public transit is HUGELY important to human health and well-being! it is how many people esp in urban areas access grocery stores, health care, their jobs, childcare facilities, etc.

$10.4 billion for agriculture, of which $5 billion is specifically earmarked for socially disadvantaged farmworkers. to quote wikipedia: “Experts identified the relief bill as the single most important piece of legislation for African-American framers since the Civil Rights Act of 1964.”

tons of money to fund 100% of premiums for COBRA (health insurance for people who have unexpectedly lost or had to leave their jobs) through October 2021. COBRA is hella expensive and experts estimate that 2.2 million people will need to enroll for COBRA benefits in 2021. there are also various provisions that expand Medicaid and the Children’s Health Insurance Program (a program targeted at uninsured children in families who don’t qualify for Medicaid but may not be able to afford adequate healthcare coverage. it also fixes some things with the ACA that could’ve led to people getting surprise bills due to fluctuating income or unexpected changes in employment status.

i am SO OVER the so-called ‘progressive’ rhetoric that no good can ever come from the government, or that all politicians (dems or republicans) are basically the same level of evil and incompetent, or that ~mutual aid~ (ie small payments made between individuals in a community) is the only thing we can count on or should count on in times of crisis. no!!!! fuck no!!!! like mutual aid is great but America is an INSANELY WEALTHY country and it is such bullshit to act like we can’t or shouldn’t expect our government to take care of the people who live here. and i am also just GRAHARRGHGHH at people who are completely disengaged from politics offering their jaded and hyper-cynical hot takes on things they don’t! actually! know! anything! about!!!!!!! and in the process making other people increasingly jaded and cynical about the possibility of electing a government that actually prioritizes the needs & well-being of its citizenry!!!

ugh i’m just TIRED of leftist political cynicism y’all especially when it comes from people who have absolutely no understanding of how much WORK it takes to make huge things like the American Rescue Act happen (work that includes not just the immediate negotiation of the bill but also the years of organizing & voter recruitment work it took to get a narrow democratic majority in the senate so that we could pass things like this!!!!). I’M DONE WITH BEING CYNICAL!!!! i feel, in a totally earnest and unjaded way, that it’s absolutely incredible that dems were able to write, negotiate, and pass this bill, and i feel so so so relieved to be currently living under an administration that is flawed in many ways but is at least actually and earnestly TRYING to reckon with unprecedented “suffering in an actual human scale” (to quote OP) and is even using this crisis as an opportunity to advance major anti-poverty initiatives that will have a LASTING IMPACT on actual human lives. as opposed to our previous administration, which was made up of thousands of people who woke up every single day and asked themselves “what can I do today to further dehumanize & inflict needless suffering upon millions of people?”

PHEW!!!! SORRY!!!! JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS I GUESS!!!!!!!!

[sheetghostwriter]

This is a true story, presented here as allegory.

When I was in high school (cca. Stone Age (Queens of the)), the district had a very strict policy banning students from having personal communication devices.

This was a policy developed in response to a real and serious problem with gang activity and drug trafficking -- phones and pagers were basically for doctors and drug dealers, and teenagers were much less likely to be doctors

As phones became more affordable and gang/drug issues in my region became less severe, the whole landscape of public opinion regarding teens using phones changed, but the school policy never did. The rise in accessibility of cell phones also happened alongside the newest reason to be terrified of and for teens: school shootings

Now, to clarify: students were not allowed to have phones. Or pagers or laptops -- basically anything that could send a message that couldn’t be controlled/monitored by the school, but phones were the biggest issue since they were a small, personal item that everyone had and was “easy” to hide. And it wasn’t just that we weren’t allowed to use phones, we weren’t allowed to have them. Lockers and cars were routinely/”randomly” searched, and if they found a powered-down device in your glovebox you were subjected to the same punishment as someone who was caught texting in class which, after a certain number of offenses, could mean your device confiscated in an unsecured box in the school’s front office for the duration of the semester. They would have random security checks where they would scan every single student and check every single bag as you came in, or lock down all the classrooms and go room-to-room searching students for cell phones. 

And no, they weren’t “actually” searching for more serious contraband while using cell phones as an excuse/red herring. They weren’t nearly circuitous enough for that. It was like, pass around the dasani bottle filled with vodka in the detention that everyone there copped for bringing a got damn nokia to school so they could text their mom when band practice was over. (also just, hella drug use)

SO we had an environment where the entire function of security was reduced to searching kids for cell phones, in a time where schools had an inflated budget (and expectation) for security because... you know. Actual gun violence. That equation basically led to security teams with outsized budgets for fancy scanning/surveillance equipment testing it out by routinely invading the privacy of hordes of pissed-off and powerless teenagers, constantly disrupting the school environment, enforcing a set of rules that was loudly opposed not just by the students, but by the teachers, and especially by the parents, who were the ones buying these devices for their kids and wanted them to have them!

TL;DR: A rule that made perfect sense at the time it was enacted, but because of changing circumstances, became not only unnecessary but actively detrimental to the environment said rule was meant to support. Of course, the district couldn’t get rid of it, because not only would it require a shift in mindset at the admin level away from the ingrained idea that Kids with Phones were Definitely Doing Bad Things, but eliminating the rule would unpin all the elaborate systems they’d built around enforcing it. Both consequences would significantly undermine their authority, which is a big deal when what you’re up against is a bunch of smug, self-righteous teenagers who hate authority anyway.

Crazy how that can happen, am I right?