Text
On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Accept His Offer? [YES] [ALSO YES?]
Please forgive me for this I thought it'd be funny LMAOOOO was unsure about posting but the funny won.
Bonus doodles!!! Cuz I'm NOT normal:
#/ref#kinitopet fanart#kinito pet#kinitopet#kinito#kinito fanart#kinito the axolotl#kinito my beloved#this guy thissss guyyyyyy rots my brain#im so ill im so illlllll someone help me#high effort shitpost#alone on a friday night???? I CAN FIX THAT!!???#he is so friend shaped... guyss.... just look at him...#bonus big kinito being a single celled organism cuz that's what he is to me... you cant tell me im wrong#KD'sCrumbs#FriendshipClub!
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
i have... ✨Danyal Al Ghul Headcanons✨ but specifically for my yaelokre danyal oneshot
There's also the tumblr post here but I recommend the link in the title because its the ao3 version, and that one is edited and has some stuff in it that's not in the tumblr post, and will be the version I'm using.
So for summary: this Danyal is also from a Demon Siblings Au where Danny is five years older than Damian. However, things turned out a bit differently, and Danny and Damian had a fantastic relationship with one another. Danny loved music and regularly came up with songs to sing to Damian with. Specifically the folk band Yaelokre's EP "Hayfields" (seriously go fucking listen to it its sooo good. Harpy Hare is the second song but its my favorite. Special shoutout to @gascansposts for introducing the band to me)
He falls off a train when he's twelve and Damian is seven while the two of them and Talia are on mission. He ends up with magically induced amnesia and wakes up in Arkansas while the Fentons are on their yearly Divorce-iversary visit to Aunt Alica, and since he can only remember his name, he ends up being taken into their care.
---------------
Yaelokre Danny has the same facial scar as Things in Threes Danyal, since he was initially another version of him where things turned out better. I'm debating on whether or not I should take it away however, and give him a different scar (maybe from when he fell off the train?), just because the scar is a pretty key identifier for Ti3 Danyal.
-----------------
Danny frequently visits Aunt Alicia in Arkansas! Well, only after he gets settled in and stuff. He doesn't really like the city that much and prefers the countryside where Alicia lives. I know she lives in a cabin but I'm changing it to a farm, so she puts Danny to work and gets him to help her.
I don't want to confine his hobbies to only being star stuff, because people tend to have more than one hobby and I feel like it reduces him to one-dimensionality, so he likes to garden, and learns guitar. His room becomes filled with plants, and he turns their roof into a rooftop greenhouse right below to OPS Center.
He has a complex relationship with the weapons from his past, but he's not... like... appalled by it? When he finds his weapons in the Fenton attic all he thinks is that they're his weapons, and he starts carrying a knife on him afterwards. Essentially he becomes fascinated with weaponry because its one of the few physical ties he has to his past, and while he's not training like he is in the League, he allows his strong muscle memory to guide him through his katas.
Danny likes climbing things. This causes Problems For Everyone Else.
----------------
Danny was not the "kinder Al Ghul" in the League. His kindness extended to his brother and family, and that's it. To everyone else he had high expectations out of them, and the pride you'd expect from the grandson of Ra's Al Ghul and trained by its top members. While he wasn't like, unnecessarily cruel or anything, he wasn't merciful either.
This transfers post-train fall as him coming off as no-nonsense and unforgiving. He's not fond of the idea of giving people second chances, and is skeptical of the idea. He's disgusted by incompetency and views it as an unforgivable offense, especially if he thinks that the person should know better, although he's not sure why. Some egocentrism for the soul.
He doesn't like being touched by anyone who isn't family, and gets irritated when anyone grabs him or holds onto him for extended amounts of time. Dash has gotten hit so many times. With Jack Fenton's tendency for abrupt physical affection, it doesn't make it any better. I'd argue it'd make it worse because Danny doesn't want to be touched more often than not.
------------------
Danyal had a red scarf in the League that he wore on his last mission, it came off before he fell off and caught itself on the roof. Damian still has it and took it with him to Wayne Manor. He's got it locked in his room and takes it out when he's alone and missing Danny the most. One time he forgot to put it away before leaving his room, and Dick was visiting the manor for something and found it. Damian found him holding it and freaked out.
Dick could only say "I've never seen you wear this, Damian, this is really pretty--" before Damian shoved him to the floor and stole it out of his hands, before screaming at him; "Don't touch this! You don't ever touch this! This is mine! You hear me!?"
It caused such a commotion that the rest of the family present came to see what the fuss was about, and Damian kicked them all out of his room. Dick is the one brother Damian's the closest with, so the fact he reacted so strongly shocked them all.
This is likely what leads to the "Danyal" conversation.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#danyal al ghul au#yaelokre danny#yaelokre danyal al ghul#the yaelokre danny post didn't really go into him interacting with other people but i'm trying to figure out his personality post amnesia#just know this: he's not canon danny. im spitefully refusing to make him a Cookie Cutter of canon danny because the idea pisses me off lmao#he's complex and confused and morally gray even with the amnesia bc memories aren't stored in one part of the brain they're stored#in different parts depending on the memory and muscle memory exists and danny might not actively remember the things that shaped him but hi#body does. and somewhere deep in his mind so does his brain. his memories weren't destroyed theyre locked away in a place where his active#conscious can't reach. plus its magic amnesia and i have comic AND cartoon realism on my side.#danny's personality from the league doesn't get challenged that much by the fentons because danny's learning this about himself just as muc#as they are. Jazz can't “Fix” what's wrong with him when neither of them know it and Danny is always the first to figure it out and then#keeps it to himself. Also. Jazz has a fucking life? she's not the family therapist she has friends and hobbies even if we the viewers don't#see it. But also i just really deeply despise the idea that Jazz “fixes” danny's league issues just by existing and being the therapist#because it waters her down into a one-dimensional character who only exists in the context of providing emotional support and life advice t#danny. also therapy only works on someone that's actively trying to change. otherwise its just psychoanalyzing and people tend to hate#being psychoanalyzed without consent. which as a result may have them refuse help. anyways point is: i believe that growth is slow and#complex and danny would hide a lot of the stuff he discovers about himself because if there's one thing he still retains from being an#assassin. it's how to hide. he likes jazz but there are some things you just hide from people.#damian also told dick to “keep his filthy hands off his things”. which was also a shock because it sounded something he'd say more to tim#damian was distraught the entire time.#okay thats all i have for now.
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.
#me posts#amy rose#sth#sonic the hedgehog#and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything#just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt-#-have to be romantic#aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense#she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees#also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it-#-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something#-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her#gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it#idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with-#-others. she wants people to just stay for once.#does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here#my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right#btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character.#important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan.#she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off#jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i
87 notes
·
View notes
Note
Scarlett King what do you think about the hanged king ?
: Doesn't seem interested in answering this in more detail either. :
#Did I spent two days making a reply to this? yes#Did I at first made a reply to the WRONG ask I accidentally made in my head? also yes#mind you I am as confused as I can by this ask because I don't... know? He knows he does he just wouldn't speak a lot I guess#also thanks for getting me a new brain rot I am completely stuck on HK now help?? What two days of research does to a man....#YES I DIDN'T USE HK'S DESIGN ANYWHERE EITHER BECAUSE THAT WAS FOR A WRONG WORDING LMAO#I swear I'll draw something with HK if I get ideas#art#artist on tumblr#artists on tumblr#original art#digital art#scp fanart#scp#scp foundation#demon#monster#monster boyfriend#scarlet king#Do I tag hk? I guess not idk
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk why but I was thinking about how incredibly fun it is to be a dan and phil enjoyer at the moment and then I suddenly started thinking about how Phil almost died in June like... he really almost died it just suddenly hit me that we could be living in a very different reality right now. idk why my brain does this. every time I'm happy about something my brain goes "oh but what if things had been different. what makes you think you deserve for things to work out fine?" and I'm trying to live by Phil's mantra of choosing not to take any personal trauma from it but I'm kinda spiraling all of a sudden. I remember seeing a post a while ago about how dan could've been planning a funeral instead of a tour and that shit fucked me up so bad I'm gonna fucking cry this is like genuinely upsetting me ... I need to watch the video again and especially the part where dan is like "but if we didn't decide to go to hospital..." and then Phil is like "but we DID and it was FINE 🤫😛" I'm so parasocially invested in these people it's so fucked. anyway can I get uhhhhh quarter pounder and medium fries. ketchup is fine. no drink thanks I have water :)
#i have this sometimes when I'm talking to my dad who also had a VERY close call a few years ago#and he spent a long time in and out of intensive care where it wasn't clear if things would work out or not#and my brain will be like “you didn't deserve a second chance” or some shit like ok edgelord 💀#as in like my brain will tell me i didn't deserve a second chance to get along better with my dad. sorry my wording was kinda weird there#but i think that's probably where this comes from lmao#the hospital gave us pamphlets about the fact that a lot of people find this shit genuinely traumatic and to seek help if needed#and i was just like damn that's crazy. I'm different stay safe tho. and now my brain is broken 😭 what's wrong with me
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have never felt this uniquely insane about a character <3 i cant get a read on him
#what is his DEAL#im usually really good at pegging a character's intentions / general vibe#BUT IM GETTING SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS THAT I JUST DONT KNOW#his off the charts rizz is fucking up my geiger counter#is he evil? is he a victim? a pawn/minion? does he have good intentions? neutral ones? bad ones?#I CANT TELL#welcome home#wally darling#i mean im team 'wally is a victim just trying to help / protect his friends (maybe the 'viewer')'#and home is maybe the main villian but also not bc the villain is the abstract force of cosmic horror manifesting as the chasm under home#and it has simply infected home or possessed it#and welcome home's whole deal is cosmic horror from a puppet's perspective#and they all need to stick together like glue to get through the Ordeals and Situations#and wally's just trying to keep his friends safe and the neighborhood together and fix home#BUT if it turns out wally is straight up evil then. yknow. i support his wrongs <3#he could do literally anything and id be twirling my hair cheering and clapping#i love his big hair and gay little outfit#ever since i watched night minds video he hasnt left my brain. i think he's eating it#like i want him dead. i want him to be happy. i want to beat his little body against a wall until his stuffing comes out. i want to hug him#he is everything to me. he activates my maiming instincts but also my cherish instincts#i want him to get all the hugs from his friends#god i cant wait for this whole enchilada to kick off its gonna be a DOOZY#i trust clown's brilliant mind no matter which way they take this#absolutely fascinating stuff. i already know im in this for the long haul
305 notes
·
View notes
Text
do they not know that i’m literally crazy
#im#absolutely insane#mentally fucked#no brain#oh my god#i csnt brreath#THEY KEEP POSTING HAND CONTENT#WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM#i need help#riize#you will be the death of me#istggggghshhg#𐙚ywnzn talks!
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Its probably a really good thing that i dont own a gun or have access to one because right now without hesitation id have no problem sticking it in my mouth and blowing my fucking brains out. The metallic taste is enticing right now… fucking HELL dude.
#painful#depressing shit#anxitey#unalive#please help#sewer slide#im pathetic#mentally unstable#fucking ouch#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#mental illness#kill my mind#end my suffering#why the fuck#why why why#why am i like this#why cant i be normal#why do i do this to myself#what is actually wrong with me#this is not normal#this is not fair#i just want to be happy#this is not it#one day#kill my brain#sadgirl#im going to kms#im fucking insane
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate Bruce and I hate Joker.
However, their relationship is so fucking compelling that it's maddening. I want them both to die.
This is a semi-rant, semi-analysis and most definitely not 100% correct. It's more speculation than concrete fact/characterization on Bruce's part.
Joker has a one-sided toxic obsession with Batman. He wants Bruce to beat the shit out of him before returning him to Arkham. He wants to watch as Bruce decends further and further into madness as he grips onto his moral code of "no killing" as if it's the last lifeline he has. Joker is kicking his feet giddy as he watches Batman make excuses after excuses of why every action of his BUT murder is justified. Bruce falls further and further into being an abusive asshole, and Joker is so fucking happy about it. How far can Joker push and torment the Dark Knight until he finally just snaps? It's such a delectable mystery and experiment that Joker is testing on Batman, the "hero" to save Gotham. How far will he fall? How far will he go?
Will killing his son finally cause him to cross the line? Paralyzing his friend's daughter (Barbara [Joker didn't know she was Batgirl])? Killing hundreds of people? What will cause Batman to finally stop Joker for good?
On the flip side, Batman despises Joker with all of his being. He wants nothing more than to obliterate that monster until he is nothing but ash. He can't, though. Is getting rid of Joker truly worth letting go of that final moral line?
At least, that's what Bruce tells himself. He tells himself that he throws Joker in Arkham, not in the Watchtower prisons or the phantom zone or other more secure facilities, because that's the morally correct decision. The court of law, even incorrectly, deduced Joker was legally insane. This, legally, makes Joker not responsible for his actions. It doesn't matter that any hack with a law book could see that Joker doesn't qualify for the insanity plea. It doesn't matter that Gotham's legal system is known for being corrupt. It doesn't matter that Joker breaks out frequently. Joker was declared insane.
Bruce doesn't change the status quo, and he tells himself this is the way it must be. He makes sure to tell everyone around him as well. It's the way it always has been and Bruce is too far into his mistakes to correct it now (if Bruce changes Joker's situation now, does that make all of Joker's victims Bruce's as well? Is he responsible for their deaths due to his negligence and, at times, protection of Joker?).
After a while, one starts to wonder why Batman won't come up with permanent solutions for Joker. He has contingency plans for every hero and villain out there. Unlike some of the other villains, Joker is easily accessible. Batman could lock him in a more secure prison, destroy his ability to commit crime (as he did to Jason), or kill him. He has options.
He doesn't utilize them, though. In fact, he's even brought Joker back to life a few times.
It makes one wonder if he keeps Joker around for selfish reasons. Does he want to feel useful? Does he want an avenue to express the anger and hate burning inside him? Is he too deep in past mistakes to admit his wrongs?
Anyways, fuck Bruce and fuck Joker. I hope they both rot in hell as the worst couple to exist (not talking about Lego Batman, though. They are pretty cute in that).
#batman#dc joker#bruce wayne#bruce wayne bashing#i posted a warning at the top so hopefully no one yells at me for “incorrect characterizations” on bruce or whatever#idk if anyone would get mad but please read my username before yelling at me for hating on bruce#but also fuck bruce wayne#if he can rewire his son's brain he can fucking kill the joker#at what point is murder a mercy instead? the point in which you risk completely changing a person to “help” them for your agenda#if he is still clinging onto “murder is wrong but mentally torturing kids is fine” then he could at least secure joker up better
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine Egg A1 still has one life left, and it somehow manages to escape the facility... It is being followed by mobs, by Federation employees, being hurt by the poison ivy and other environmental threats, but it keeps running, because what other choice is there? That parkour course was a trick after all, the last block was a fake, it was never meant to pass that test in the first place.
So it keeps running, but the Federation workers are getting closer. It won't be able to avoid them forever...
But then it bursts through some bushes and comes face to face with someone new - and it's Bad, out building or exploring or just wandering alone. A1 is immediately afraid, of course. It is a stranger, a very visually striking stranger, the complete opposite of the pure white and featureless employees of the Federation. But there are people close behind, and it knows what will happen to it if it is caught, so... It has no choice but to try. It has no way to communicate, no signs or books, so it simply rushes to hide behind him and hopes he understands, and that he is willing to help...
And Bad, for his part, well.. he's an extremely cautious and paranoid person, and this is just an incredibly confusing and unexpected situation to be in. An unknown egg appeared out of nowhere and is hiding behind him, he can see Federation employees in the distance that are clearly looking for something... He knows that the code has been disguising itself as eggs, and that the strange egg in front of him with no marks, no distinguishing features, an egg that he has never seen before, could easily be the code monster preparing to attack at any moment...
But there is absolutely no way Bad could ever look at an egg in distress and not try to help it, even knowing it could be a trap.
So he quickly digs a shallow hole and pushes the mysterious egg into it, covering it up just in time, and when the employees throw him a book asking if he had seen anything, he lies effortlessly, he complains about nonsense, he asks them where the Ekea is and is as annoying as he can be, until they leave.
And now they're alone... just Bad an this mystery egg in the middle of the woods, A1 too afraid to leave the hole even when Bad tries to coax it out. He gives it food and tries his best to comfort it, to tell it everything is okay and that the pursuers are gone. He gives it some signs and a book, trying to see if it will write anything to him or answer any of his questions, but he gets no reply. A1 is just too afraid to even attempt to answer, and Bad doesn't even know if it understands him. He tries what few words he does know of the other languages, and still no response.
What should he do? As much as the image of a tiny, terrified egg makes him want to do all he can for it he also needs to be safe. He can't bring it home, because if it is a code there is no way he is bringing it anywhere near Dapper. Should he call someone else for help, or would that draw too much attention? Would it even be safe for him or the egg to let anyone know right now? And was this egg dangerous, or harmless and in need of protection? He wouldn't abandon it regardless but...
What now?
#Egg A1#badboyhalo#I am a Bad watcher it will always be qBad in my what ifs even if anyone could do it#Plus he is perfect for the job#I can't write fic but yes this is basically an A1 fic oops#ElQuackity you thought killing a featureless egg was a safe option but you're wrong we are all attached#I want A1 to be alive and to escape to be adored and protected#Also I bet if Bad got caught with a mystery egg I think he'd just go 'Huh? No this is my other child you just never saw them before :)'#Also for some reason my brain was calling A1 'Alice' but then I saw people using 'Ai' and that's adorable too~#Though it also makes me think 'artificial intelligence' but hey maybe that is fitting for the fabricated eggs theory XD#'What now' I ask as if I am not already imagining Bad trying to protect A1 and also be safe in case it is a threat#not wanting to think it is but unable to know otherwise#but also being so BBH about it and just being in complete dad mode when they interact#he keeps it in it's own safe little secure home and does what he can to help it with minimal communication for several days#until A1 starts to open up little by little - incredibly slowly#Bad very gradually telling very select people about it#until eventually when the Federation finds out - everyone who knows is immediately hmm what no this is our child what do you mean?#and go ultra protective#because A1 deserves the world#fic within the tags yes#Bad ruined my sleep schedule and I can't sleep mindless rambles time
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER DRAWN THIS BUT I DID UNFORTUNATELY. I APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING
#art#crack post#sausage party#twink#mpreg#spongebob#fire water#sausage party twink#sausage party fire water#i regret my life choices#i regret everything#i regret this#why did i make this#what is wrong w me lol#i apologize for everything#send help#killing myself#what is wrong with my brain#i shouldn't have done this#i am definitely an mature woman/man/whatever#this is so immature of me#i hate everything#i have no regrets
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
i swear if you people start uwuifying OCD like you did with ADHD and autism I'm going to start attacking
#the general idea of what OCD is already so fucking wrong and harmful#if you start being like 'oh my little meow meow is so OCD' or 'its not a disorder its just a different way of thinking uwu'#I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL#ALL OF MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD MEMORIES FROM AGE 3 AND UP ARE OF HAVING PANIC ATTACKS#PLEASE GO FUCK YOURSELVES THIS IS A MISERABLE FUCKING DISORDER ITS NOT CUTE ITS NOT QUIRKY ITS THE REASON I HAD GRAY HAIR AS A TEENAGER#i saw this like 'i let the intrusive thoughts win' isn't something people use all the time for like dying their fucking hair#its exhausting how many people what to be all 'mental illness needs to be more accepted'#and then in the next sentence want to deny that your mental illness is actually harmful to you and doesn't negatively affect you#and its just because society doesn't accept your different way of thinking uwu#NO I LITERALLY WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AS A TEENAGER IF SOMEONE HAD CONVINCED ME THAT MY MENTAL ILLNESS WAS NORMAL AND FINE#figuring out that something was Wrong with my brain was like the best moment of my life#and this 'no you just think differently don't try to change' attitude may be helpful in SOME CASES#but that shit needs to me pulled back on A LOT online because that framing can be extremely harmful to some people (like me)#knowing exactly what is wrong with my brain is literally the only way I'm able to not let it affect me#and it not affecting me is literally the only way I can function and live happily#like you understand that some people do genuinely have things wrong with them#and telling them they don't is beyond cruel
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've realized that the problem with fursonas is that trying to engage with the concept feels exactly the same as when I was a little kid trying to have an imaginary friend; it sounds like fun, it looks like the other kids are enjoying it, it lowkey feels like something I, personally, should have, but whenever I try it just feels forced and fake and like I don't know how to do it, or that I'm doing it Wrong
#'there is no right way to do it!' opposite of helpful actually#I appreciate the sentiment but it just makes me uneasy :')#is a sona meant to be an avatar of my actual self or an OC I project onto and/ or allow to be my representative or??#'oh it can be any or all of those things or something else' okay BYE that's too broad for me dhksfksldjk I am UNEASY#I AM DAUNTED BY THE COMPLEXITIES AND UNKNOWNS#just feels fake when I do it. I dunno.#sometimes I think 'I should make a [fursona/gnomesona] just as an easily simplified standin for silly doodles'#and even THAT I so badly overthink that I get stressed out and can't do it even though I know what the intended usecase is ahdjflshsks#.... there's also a...... fear of 'portraying myself wrong' here I think.#okay if it's supposed to just Be Me then how much am I Allowed to deviate in character design#(and how much would I even want to before it feels like that's not me anymore)#DUMB. STUPID. HOW COME THE OTHER KIDS CAN DO IT#I have a good imagination in general but I ALSO... am very detail oriented and literal-minded I fear :')#me@ my brain cmon play in the space.... you love playing in a space.......#about me
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate being slow as hell. what is wrong with me bro WE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS STUPID
#doesnt matter what i do someones always gonna point it out at some point or another#theres always gonna be someone to make me feel stupid#for all intents and purposes i might as well be missing half my brain . at least then id have a good reason for being this way. smfh#nah . i am forever going to be fucking pissed off at how every adult in my life failed me. maybe i would be okay if someone just fucking#helped me. if someone just fucking noticed my existence and saw something was wrong. but no one did. and now im like this.#now im like this and nobody is going to help me. and they'll think im fucking braindead. or fucking treat me like a child. BECAUSE THEY DO#BECAUSE I KEEP FUCKING SEEING IT. THEY DONT EVEN KNOW AND YET THEY DO IT. I GUESS THEY SMELL IT OR SOMETHING#its not even like theyre wrong in treating me like that either . i dont think i can do fucking anything without being guided and coaxed.#its just another reminder ill never be normal. and i hate that#i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled.#toxi.txt
14 notes
·
View notes