#here i am back on my old tear your heart out bs again with my angst.

[elvisabutler]

Give me angsttttttt with aus any prmpt u pick

giving me all the free range. oh anon you know not what you unleashed. so! this is mostly based on how austin at the last minute couldn't show up to kaia's 21st birthday party. only you know as much as i like kaia, we're definitely gonna use a reader. also thank you for requesting!!

angst, “i think you expect too much from me.” - austin butler ( see also: two in love can make it )

tw: talk of cheating, but no actual cheating. angst? talk of a break up?

you had known it was a hard ask and you told yourself you weren't going to be mad. you had told yourself that it didn't matter if austin wasn't at your birthday party that you could have fun with your friends and his friends and other people. you told yourself this.

you could have told yourself this until you were blue in the face but that wouldn't have changed the reality that you found yourself in. crying in a bathroom like you were a teenager. it wasn't fair, you thought, they didn't mind him leaving filming for his birthday. they didn't mind when you needed austin to come just to spend time with you but your birthday is where they drew the line.

"what do you mean you're not going to be able to come, aus?" you ask through your tears when you call him back on facetime.

his face falls when he sees how your face looks. your eyes are bloodshot and there's snot running down your nose and your eyes are puffy. he knows that means you've been crying for longer than you're ever going to admit. his arm that isn't holding the phone reflexively tries to move like he's going to give you a hug before remembering you aren't there with him and he isn't there with you.

"i- babe- they won't let me take the two days off. florence already has to deal with her promo stuff- as much of a mess as she seems to think it's going to be and just everyone else has already asked for those days. i literally couldn't fly out even for the night." he answers, unable to actually look at you as he does. he knows what you're gonna tell him- he knows the next words out of your mouth are gonna remind him how much of a bad boyfriend he is.

"you were supposed to ask at least a month ago! when you came by for your own birthday! did you forget my birthday?" your voice is shrill and it hurts both of your ears, stinging like the hurt you feel coursing through your veins at the idea that the man you've fallen so deeply in love with forgetting something as important as this.

"i-" he starts, unsure of how to explain this like there is an explanation that can soothe the hurt written all over your face. "i didn't forget i had it on the calendar and in my phone i just- time has slipped by, i barely remember what day it is between the training and the filming and visiting you-"

"oh so visiting me is a problem now?" you cut him off, latching onto that in your anger. "i mean i know how you can fix that. you can fix that one so easy, just break up with me, no need to visit me or remember my birthday."

"y/n! that's- are you fucking kidding me with that?" austin doesn't swear a lot, usually when his emotions are heightened and it's almost as if he's just feeding off of your own emotions, drawing on them to fuel his guilt. "i didn't say that. i'm just exhausted, you get that, don't you? i've been falling asleep in my makeup chair, on the phone with you, i even fell asleep talking to zendaya and flo last week. in the middle of a conversation about you."

"what was the conversation about? about how annoying i am?" that was uncalled for, and you know it but at this point you're picking a fight to try and rile austin up, make him as sad and frustrated as you are.

"i can't tell you what it was about." it's the truth and his eyes dart to the reason why on his dresser. you notice and your eyes narrow.

"who's there-" you shake your head and move to get up from your perch on your bathtub. "you know what, butler. no, i'm not doing this. i'm not going to be the pathetic person who gets cheated on by their boyfriend after he gets to enjoy a little more fame. seriously, i didn't even believe people when they said you cheated on vanessa but apparently-"

"i think you expect too much from me!" he shouts as soon as you mention him cheating on vanessa- which he's told you he never did. to throw that in his face after he begged to go home to you. to see you and hold you while you blew out candles for your birthday is an insult that finally makes him snap. "i am trying here. i get that you can't fly out, i get that. i have the means to do this more often than you. i'm not asking you to do that but i forgot how close we were to the day, darling. i didn't mean to."

"you don't forget your partner's birthday, aus!" you yell back, wanting to throw your phone on the ground. "that's the one thing you don't forget other than an anniversary!"

"you don't think i know that! christ, babe, i literally had plans to do something on your birthday and i can't do them now." his eyes drift to the box on his dresser once again and you notice once more.

"seriously who are you looking at?" you snarl holding the phone closer to your face like that will help you see this person. "just- break up with me if you're doing something like that. stop-"

"it's your present." he says too quickly and you know it's got to be a lie. austin never answers something that quickly. "i literally have jewelry for you on my dresser."

austin never gives you jewelry for any occasion he always says you're too picky and he'd rather you show him something while you're out together than chance surprising you.

"bullshit." you spit out. "you know what- hang up austin. i don't want to hear it. i really don't just- don't talk to me until i call you. if i do any time soon."

he looks at you and looks at the box once again before sighing. "fine. i'm- i'm too exhausted to fight with you baby. i'll- i love you. no matter what, you have to know that. it's all that i can give to you."

any other time you'd smile at him quoting that song but right now? all it inspires is you hanging up without saying it back leaving austin to stare at the ring box- your ring box on his dresser.

"fuck."

[spookysquish13]

First time knife play with JJ Maybank

First time knife play with JJ Maybank

*Author note: I got locked out of my old account (spookysquishsworld) and am reposting all of my old writings

This morning there was a tiktok video going around where Rudy was playing with a knife. It brought something out of me, and i know everyone wants more JJ smut. So here yall go. I hope you like it.

ALSO if anyone has tips on how to format more easily, i write on a different app and then paste it into the text box… ??

TRIGGER WARNING HARD CORE. KNIFE PLAY. THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING TO SOME. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY BLADES OR KNIVES. WARNING: Knife, blood, blindfold, choking, fingering,

JJ was sitting in the little cabin of the steering wheel of the boat, groaning that he was bored, leaning his head back against the wall. He takes out one of the fishing blades packed on the boat. He takes the blade out of its canvas sleeve, in a place that you could have sworn was slow motion. You are watching him through the back window of the cabin. Watching him take out the knife, you feel your eyes grow in size. Gulping quietly so you could continue enjoing the show started feeling your core grow hotter. JJ starts tossing the blade up into the air trying to catch it. The danger of him potentially getting hurt grew an excitement deep inside of you. You didnt know what this was. Why the sight of the blade excited you to your core. What would it feel like? Would it be cold? What would it feel like to give JJ all of that control. You knew he would never do a thing to hurt someone else unless provoked. You swallow hard trying to keep your hand out of your shorts. The others close by. Now JJ is starting to twirl the blade between his fingers. His face twisting with concentration, making his dimples come out. You could see one of his brows furrow. With the rings on his fingers, and the knife moving swiftly could have made you cum from the sight. JJ felt someone watching. He looked over his shoulder, still twisting the blade. You both made eye contact. JJ giving you a sexy smirk, his eyes growing a deep blue. You moved away quickly from the window and plastered your back to the wall aside the window. Trying to catch your breath from the sight of the sun kissed blonde with a shiny knife. —————– All of you have now returned from the boating adventure and you excused yourself into the bathroom of John Bs house. You splash cold water onto your face trying to collect yourself. You all were still hanging out but your heat never faded. As you unlock the door, you find JJ standing in the doorway across from the bathroom, his arms crossed. You started getting worked up again just from the sight of his muscles. “Hey, y/n, can I talk with you?” JJ asks. Motioning to his bedroom. “Where are the others? ” you ask JJ, your heart beat raises, feeling like you just ran. “I shooed them off” JJ says giving you a wink as he looks back behind him to make sure you are still following. As soon as both of you enter into his bedroom he closes the gap between you and backs you into the door, closing it behind you with a force that made you stop breathing. This is it, this could be the moment you were waiting for. JJ kisses you with such a force you could not keep the moan down that was escaping your mouth. His hands were on your hips, pulling you closer. Your head was spinning from his touch, you waited all day for this. JJ kisses from your mouth down your jaw, hitting all the right spots. Against your neck he says “Y/N, we need to talk about something.” You take a deep breath trying to focus on what he was saying. You try to untangle both of you, so you weren’t distracted. “Ok” you say sighing that he broke up something you were waiting for. “ I saw you watching me playing with the knife….” He trails off, you nodding you head, hoping that he could put two and two together. He was a smart boy. “…. I think I want to try something with you.” You heart jumps and your eyes fill with the same lust that he looked at you with multiple times before. “Im not sure how or why but watching you play with that knife did something in me that I didn’t know could happen….” You confess, letting all guard down, looking at your hands because you didn’t want to look him in the eye, you would have just died from embarrassment. JJ comes swiftly to your side and gently puts his hands on both sides of your face, bringing you to look at him.“Baby, there is nothing to be ashamed of, I know these thoughts can be scary and intimidating, but as long as we are honest with each other and talk about things before And after, we can do this. Honestly, it what I was thinking about while playing with it.” He kisses your nose, resting his forehead against yours. “I

was curious how you would take it, we already have been dabbling into some kinky things in the bedroom…” he continues talking as he wraps his hands around your waist. Closing your eyes with the feeling of him wrapping you into him, you laid your head against his chest. You were trying to memorize his smell around you. How his arms felt wrapped around you. “You know my rule, you can tell me anything and I wont judge. As long as you are honest and remember the safe word, we are golden. You remember the word right, babygirl?” How could you have forgotten, you sat in bed with him late at night, laughing and forgetting the world around you. You were trying to come up with a word that would completely pull both of you out of anything you were doing. Toilet. Toilet was the word you settled on. You talked about golden showers and both of you agreed that, that wasn’t something you’d be into. JJ spoke up, pulling you out of your memory. “Do you want to try? The gang wont be back for hours. The house is ours. We can be as loud as we want….” He kisses you hard and chokes you a little, the coldness of his rings makes you gasp against his mouth. “we all know you have trouble being quiet, princess” JJ says against your mouth smugly, knowing full well the power he has over you, to make you into a crumbling screaming soaking mess. He picks you up and tosses you onto the bed. He makes contact with your mouth and you moaned at the touch, kissing you so you wouldn’t notice, he blind folds you with the bandana from his back pocket. Kissing down your neck, sucking hickies into your collarbone, he slowly pulls out the knife from his pocket, the one you saw earlier, he lifted from the boat. The first contact was your shoulder, you gasped shockingly from how cold the metal was. Colder than you imagined, ice like.JJ drags the knife softly against your delicate skin, never picking up the blade off of you. He cuts one of your straps from your shirt, which makes you scream quietly from excitement. He continues to drag the blade up against your neck, against the sweet spot near your ear, and down your cheek. Your heart is racing and you are practically panting, drool tipping out of the corner of your mouth. JJ sees you drooling under him, a soaking and panting mess. He becomes hard and grinds his hips into you so you could feel what you do to him. “Open your mouth stick your tongue out.” JJ orders with a deep sexiness to his voice. This tone of his is one you love, one where he is taken over by lust and cant get enough of you. You close your mouth tight, being the brat you are, knowing there would be a fun punishment for this act of disobedience. JJ stopped grinding into you and lifted himself up off of you. He turned your hip to the side, your back still on the bed but your left hip in the air. He dragged his hand across your underwear, making brief contact with where you wanted him the most. All of the sudden you feel a smack and a sting. He spanked you, leaving a red hand print on your bare ass. The noise that escaped your mouth earned a growl from him. Your chest raising and falling rapidly from all of your excitement. “Open your mouth. Stick your tongue out. I will not repeat myself.” JJ says as you feel his hand around your throat. You stick your tongue out, letting all juices free flow. You feel the cold metal pressed flat against your tongue. You couldn’t stop drooling. You only ever could drool that much while you were sucking him off. When you feel the cold leave your mouth you start begging. “JJ please, I need you. Now, please.”“Tell me what you want, brat” He spat back at you, tightening his grip around your neck. Your head falls back and you beg him “Please touch my pussy, I want your fingers, your tongue, the knife, your dick. Please anything. I just need something. Please” The need you had for him almost brought you to tears. JJ drags the knife down your bare stomach, your shirt was long gone. You arch your back and JJ could see all the goosebumps forming. He starts biting your hips, sometimes too hard and there was blood popping out

of some of the teeth marks. He dragged the knife down to your panties and with one quick motion he cut off both sides around your hips. Tugging on the cloth he ripped them from the front so there was friction against your clit. You gasped so loud and was so shocked you gripped the sheets around you. Knowing if you reached for him there could be bad consequences. Biting and sucking at your hips again, he pushes your legs aside and finally gives you what you begged for With out any warning he pushes two fingers into you. Still feeling the blade, over a hip and down one leg tracing your ankle and then coming back up. “Baby, you are a dripping mess. I never knew you could get so wet and wanting. All for me.” JJ practically growled against you “Yes baby you are doing so well. I love seeing you like this.” You bucked your hips against his fingers, still inside of you. This Was all you needed to just about cum. He immediately removed his fingers and you whined so loudly you startled yourself. Edging you once before letting you get any closer. “OPEN"He demanded once again and you obliged you needing him more then a punishment He stuck his fingers in your mouth "Taste yourself, baby girl taste how wet you are for me.” You start sucking on the fingers in your mouth, tongue dancing around them like you were sucking them off. This earned a deep growl from JJ in your ear. A “please” escaped your mouth without even thinking. He starts to drag his fingers, softly barely touching your skin, down to your wet hot core he pushes you back over so you are laying flat on your back, legs wide open his for the taking. He flicks your clit just to tease a little bit more before giving you what you want. You were now open mouth panting and whining, some noises you didn’t even recognize. He put two fingers into you going at a pace you didn’t think was humanly possible, again things were slow motion you didn’t think he could go any slower. “Stay very still, do not move a muscle or I will stop he orders” JJ places the cold blade onto your clit and you move your hands deeper into the blankets bracing yourself so you didn’t move. He curled his fingers to hit your g spot and you almost cried. You needed him more than you ever needed him before. “p…..please JJ… please make me cum….. please baby….. I’ll do anything just make me cum……” you plead knowing you couldn’t stay still for much longer he removes the blade and you start to protest “Please…” as quickly as he removes the blade he replaces it with his mouth sucking and twirling his tongue so skillfully he starts pumping his fingers rough and hard, a pinky grazing your other hole his hand is now dripping from your juices “baby cum for me you are doing so well, you are almost there….” pounding your g spot over and over with his hand you feel the rings slipping close and close to your entrance, his fingers deep inside of you. your back raises from the bed as you feel the knife flat against your belly just enough to feel the coldness you release and scream like you were on a rollercoaster you were on one of your own high JJ had to use his arm to keep your legs open, holding you down still pounding you with his fingers making sure he gets everything out of you as you let go of the sheets coming down from your high he moves to place the knife on the bed and to slip the bandana off of your face kissing you everywhere on your face and finally your lips you lay there limp tears escaping your eyes you breathing so heavy you weren’t sure if you’d ever catch your breath He lays down next to you in awe and kisses you gently against the mouth you laugh against his lips unbelieving that you just came that hard “wow” escapes your lips as you run your hands through his hair his hand laying lazily on your hip “I didn’t know you could scream that loud Y/N” still laying there euphoric blinking to try to make sure this was reality, nodding slowly “you really liked that didn’t you y/n”“yes I had no idea…. i .. it… wow…. more ….” JJ giggled that he had you speechless “ I will be right back baby okay? Just stay here, Im so

proud of you” he put away the knife and brought you some water and covered you up with your favorite blanket you could make sense of words now…. “Wow JJ fuck, that was awesome. I had no idea” He came up behind you cuddling into you under the blanket kissing the side of your face “Im glad you liked it I can say its one of my favorite things now.” “Me too, i thought it would be different” “how so” JJ looks down at you making sure you were okay “that it would be more dangerous i guess” he feels you shrug against his arms around you “as long as you don’t jerk and move too much i have all of the control. I wont ever hurt you baby, I’m so proud of you. you did so well” “ JJ I’m glad we can trust each-other this much. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this if it wasn’t with you.” He kissed you softly against the mouth and your hunger reappeared How could it not with a sun kissed blonde god next to you “Your turn for me to make you cum JJ” You say climbing on top of him feeling his dick hard against your bare clit. Shuddering at the feeling since you were still sensitive, smiling. you both melted into the blanket, not coming up for air until the sun rose again

[soft-barnes]

A good man | Bucky Barnes

Request:  bucky x fem!reader where bucky’s insecure about not being good enough for reader but she won’t take any of his BS (they’re not together and he kinda confesses his feelings)

Warnings: light angst

A/N: I’m so happy and so surprised that I’ve already got some requests! It took me a bit to get this one done since I had a stressful week, but it’s finally here :)

Words: 926

Masterlist

Request here

“You’re always making a step forward just to take one back again!” You yelled at him, anger burning inside you. You’ve had these back and forth conversations, these back and forth moments, with Bucky for a while now and they didn’t get better, not at all. 

Sometimes you two had been talking past each other, too caught up with your own arguments, too focused on your own points of view. You remembered when Sam called you an “old married couple” because of the way you two argued over the smallest things.

Additionally to your little conflicts here and there, Bucky and you had started to exchange small, innocent touches. You had cuddled more than once, but then you were left with him disappearing for another week without a good explanation at all. It felt like he was running from you, instead of trusting you. But at the same time, he sometimes couldn’t stay away from you and this back and forth just started to get annoying and irritating. 

Especially since you had come to the realisation that your friendship had turned into something more, at least from your side. All these weird instances where Bucky chose to avoid meeting you or talking more about what was between you two made you think that Bucky was definitely not feeling the same way. 

How could you not when he sometimes seemed to be hiding from you for no reason? Often enough, you didn’t even argue beforehand and everything was just perfectly fine for a while. 

“Y/N, you don’t understand!” he argued back, anger filling his voice just as much as it did yours. He was pointing at you with his metal hand, frustration written into his face. 

“If you don’t like the way we work together, if you don’t like something about being friends with me, then just be fucking honest, James!”, you yelled again, hands shaking from the rage inside you. You hadn’t called him James since the day Steve had introduced you two to each other and Bucky had given you that small smirk of his, assuring you it was alright if you just called him Bucky. 

The man in front of you was just as caught off guard by the change in the way you addressed him. 

“i don’t think I am good enough for you,” he finally admitted and you could tell that a weight was falling from his shoulders. His words had been nothing more than mumbling, another sign that he had felt unsure about even telling you about this. 

“What?” You asked confused for a moment, your voice quieter as well, too taken aback by what had just happened. By how the situation had been cooled off so rapidly that it almost left you in pieces on the ground. “What are you talking about, Bucky?” You asked again. Your breathing became increasingly faster and heavier, your heart started to almost jump out of your chest and you didn’t know how to handle this flood of different feelings and emotions. Different sensations as well. 

“I see you as so much more than just a good friend for such a long time now, Y/N. But we can't be together. You deserve so much better than this,” he gulped, pointing at himself. For a moment, you were sure Bucky was about to burst out in tears, but his words just woke even more anger inside you. Did he really think he wasn’t good enough for you when he was actually all you ever wanted? 

“You are talking some bullshit, Bucky,” you said immediately, trying not to be too harsh, but also make sure that Bucky knew what you were trying to say. 

“I am what?” He asked, visibly irritated. In his eyes, all of this probably seemed rational and not wrong at all. You had often noticed his low self-esteem, especially since he had been pardoned by the government, but still had to prove to people that he wasn’t a ruthless monster. 

And you were definitely certain that he wasn’t anything close to a monster. 

You stepped closer to the man, grabbing his face with your hands and watching as Bucky flinched a bit at the sudden touch. But he didn’t move away and you took that as a good sign. 

“Don’t ever say again that you aren’t good enough for me. I’ve been wanting you for so long and I’ve fallen in love with you, Bucky. You’re really talking bullshit if you think you aren’t good enough for me when it’s you who I want. You’re perfect in my eyes,” you assured him. He let out a soft breath, relief washing over his face. 

At the same time, this had finally brought him to admit his real feelings towards you. And you would make it your goal now that he would realise that he didn’t have to worry about “not being good enough”. 

“I have done so many things wrong..”, Bucky mumbled, his voice not louder than a whisper. 

“Don’t say that, Buck. That wasn’t you. All these horrible things… that was never you. You are a good person and don’t let your thoughts convince you otherwise,” you assured him.

For a moment, silence filled the room and Bucky didn’t seem to be convinced but after you tilted your head to the side and just tried to give him the most comforting look you could manage, he smiled slowly and leaned down to brush his lips against yours. 

You would always try to make him feel safe and better about himself. 

[hasereshdoneanythingwrong]

Innkeeper AU (Part 9)

Stars peppered the cloudy skies as Faye walked up the Inn’s door. The old wooden handle both an invitation and a challenge as she weighed the options in her head. She had rehearsed her words for the past week with the help of Mash and now it was time to put her practice to the test. Slowly and carefully, Faye opened the wooden door, its hinges creaking as the familiar interior was revealed to Faye.

Candles dotted the various tables, their flames flickering against the impinging dark from outside. At the bar stood Ishtar, her brows flicking up in surprise as Faye took her first steps in. Faye took her sword and cloak off, setting them on a table before approaching the owner of the Heaven’s Bull.

Ishtar: Welcome back, Faye. I trust your trip was a success.

Faye: It was, in no small part thanks to you. Is Eresh-?

Ishtar nodded, pointing to the back kitchen area where the sounds of cooking could be heard. The clattering of spoons, bowls, and knives leading Faye to suspect that someone was hard at work.

Ishtar: Want me to get her for you?

Faye: Yes, please. But before that-

Faye leaned in to whisper in Ishtar’s ear, the owner nodding and giving her a thumbs-up before leaving to go into the back. Faye sat at the bar counter for what felt like an eternity. Each moment building upon her sense of dread from the coming confrontation. Her heart twisted and turned on itself, that sense of hollowness eating away at her.

Eresh: Hello, Faye.

Faye’s head snapped to the side as she stood. Her back stiff as she tried to maintain her nerve. Before her stood Eresh, her eyes more tired than she remembered. Not a single hair was out of place as always, but something was off, like she had not been sleeping.

Faye: Eresh! H-h-how have you been?

Eresh shook her head.

Eresh: A little worse for wear, I suppose. Things have been......difficult lately.

Shaking her head once more, Eresh made eye contact with Faye.

Eresh: Ishtar said you needed to speak to me. What is it?

Faye: Actually, I was hoping that I could speak to you outside, under the oak tree.

Eresh looked at Faye for a moment. Confusion and then realization dawned on her. She nodded, following Faye as the adventurer held the door open for her on their way out. They walked wordlessly to the oak tree, the clouds now covering the stars that had one lit the skies moments before. Eresh sat first and rested against the familiar bark of the tree. Faye followed suit, her shoulders remaining tense.

Eresh: So? What was it you needed to talk to me about?

Faye: I wanted to apologize.

Eresh: Apologize for what exactly?

Faye stood, keeping her face forward towards the rolling hills further away.

Faye: For everything. For my actions, for leaving, for not confessing my true feeling to you. For not accepting yours and running, using my mission as an excuse.

Eresh: Faye.

Faye turned and faced the innkeeper, her eyes filled with tears as she sunk to her knees, the two of them face to face, looking deep into the other’s eyes.

Faye: I am so sorry, Eresh. I was scared. So scared of losing this wonderful, beautiful person who had come into my life, who had saved my life That I ran. I ran the second it was an option and left you behind. I told you I could not stay and used my mission as an excuse to run away and leave you behind, to try and cover up my own feeling. But I was wrong. I was wrong to run, I was wrong to let such a good thing in my life, a beacon of true happiness that I have never experienced before, pass me by.

Eresh looked upon the weeping form of Faye. Faye, who had defended her at a moment’s notice without hesitation, now could not even look her in the eyes. Faye’s head was hung low, her shoulders sagged as she struggled to get her words out.

Faye: And I was too stupid to even realize what I had missed. I was too shortsighted in my attempts to move on that I did not even think about how my actions could affect others. I am sorry, Eresh. I am sorry with every fiber of my being. I am so sorry. I never want to leave here again. I want to stay and be with you, living here with Jack and Ishtar. I want us to grow old together and retire to a small house in the countryside one day. I want you to give me a second chance even though I know I do not deserve it. Please, Eresh. Will you give me another shot to make you happy?

The innkeeper looked upon the girl in front of her. Her desperation was clear, her words were true, and most of all, she was pleading with everything she had. Eresh knew though, that it was her choice. She could tell that one word from her, and Faye would leave, no questions asked. One word determined her fate, and she was ready to receive a pardon or a penance, whichever one Eresh deemed necessary. The thought weighed heavily on her mind as she thought it through.

Eresh: Okay.

Faye’s head snapped up; her eyes once filled with tears now brimming with hope as she processed the sentence.

Faye: You’ll- You’ll give me another chance?

Eresh: You can have another chance. To be honest with, you, I was undecided. Every day since you had left things have been hard. I struggled to do so much as getting out of bed in the morning. It felt like my heart, my soul, had lost a piece of itself. Like I’d been shattered into a million tiny pieces.

The clouds began to thin as Eresh continued, moonlight filling the air.

Eresh: It wasn’t until one night I sat here by myself, pleading with the moon to let you know how I felt, that I finally came to terms with everything. I finally processed why you had left and stopped beating myself up over it, blaming myself for driving you away. For trying to keep you even though you had something you had to do. Finally, I looked at the moon and said, “It’s okay, Faye.”

Faye: I heard you!

Eresh, quizzically: What?

Faye: I heard you that night! Your voice carried on the wind while I was in the Capitol. It’s what drove me so hard to come back! I heard you saying it would be okay and knew what I needed to do. The myths from my village were true!

Eresh: You mean the one you were telling me? The one about your true love?

Faye, nodded. Her expression filled with hope and validation as she brought herself close and closer to Eresh. Tears framed her face as the two pressed their foreheads together and a moment of intimacy. An intimacy only found by soulmates reunited with one another.

Faye: Eresh, I love you.

Eresh: I love you too, Faye.

Eresh cupped Faye’s face and kissed her. A deep, longing kiss that parted the skies above them, letting the moon, in all its divinity, shine down on them. Faye and Eresh kissed once, twice, three times, just savoring the other’s presence and the feeling of finally being complete once more. That empty feeling that kept gnawing at their hearts now dissipated as the void inside them was filled. Finally, the broke apart, sitting next to each other under the oak tree, looking onwards at the world in front of them, now more vibrant, more alive than it had been just moments before.

Eresh: You still must leave to go home, right? I mean what good does that medicine do if it never makes it home?

Faye: Actually, I have a plan for that. You met Mash not too long ago, right?

Eresh: Yeah, she said she was a friend of yours and left to find you.

Faye: Well, she found me alright. When she did, we came up with a plan that solved both of our problems. I would stay here with you, and she’d take the medicine back to her father and Mister Teach using Maanna. I asked Ishtar about it right before we met up again.

Eresh: Faye that’s wonderful! You can stay!

Faye: I can stay. I told you, I am never leaving again, not without you.

The two shared one more kiss under that old oak tree, moonlight shining through its leaves and branches. The two lovers, once lost, have found themselves once more. And together their lives would continue, hand in hand, side by side, for the rest of their days. And those days would be spectacular.

A/N: My thanks to everyone that supported me with this AU. This is actually the first story I’ve ever really written an ending to. Some special thanks are in order for a particular individual.

The person who made these all look decent and put up with my bs throughout @hasishtardoneanythingwrong , my editor.

As well as general tags for those who’ve shown interest.

@hasquetzdoneanythingwrong 

@havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong 

@hasabbydoneanythingwrong 

@hasjalterdoneanythingwrong

[tartagliaxx]

hi. i only got to play in inazuma today so here's me live reacting to the archon quest. it's a lil out of context tho so have fun trying to figure out which parts im talking abt. also, this is the only time i'm going to be talking abt spoilers for at least one week so... 🤷‍♀️

swordfish ii? cute.

Jesus Christ. and here i thought it was my lowest settings that made his hair grey… this poor kid. teppei i admire your determination but no… just no...

SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

IF EVIL WHY SO HOT

you know.... scaramouche could stand still and the air would get electrified. and yknow,,, that's p... that's p attractive

ugh im disgusting myself. and here i thought i still had an inch of sanity left in me.

of all people it had to be this little jerk

scaramouche is so fucking evil. i’d like ten of him, please.

man,, they expect me to dodge this shit? that’s the biggest l i’ve heard today. none of that shit. i’m bringing out my zhong and my sweet madames skrrt

sayu is adorable… i remember when i had hopes of growing up too… alas, it has come to this.

OH MY GOD AYATO CRUMBS. I AM LICKING THAT SHIT UP. PLEASE— HE HAS A SECRET UNIT. THATS SO HOT WTF. AYATO MY DEAR, PLEASE DONT BE A REGULAR ICKY NPC BUT WHITE HAIRED…

SNEAKY SNEAK. SNEAKY SNEAK.

THOMA OH MY GOD MY MALEWIFE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? also, sayu’s sleeping again. this girl’s got talent. is her circadian rhythm okay?

pains me to be the bearer of all bad news and no good news…

WAIT THOMA IS LEAVING NO DONT LEAVE YET I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU MORE

oh nvm he’s still in the background.

EYY WHATS UP AYAKA. YOU’RE AS FINE AS EVER.

i… i don’t like where this is going… i refuse to be the bait. i’m too hot for that. so spicy they’ll spit me right out

DONT VOLUNTEER YOURSELF LUMINE— GIVE ME AN OPTION OR AT LEAST AN ‘OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN’ LINE

YES FIREWORKS THAT WOULD WORK RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME THAT WOULD WORK-

oh thank god… wait... they… they wouldn’t ask me to be the one to set off the fireworks right?

UNFORTUNATELY NO. AFTER YOU BECOME A FREE MAN, YOU’RE IMMEDIATELY MARRYING ME THOMA ANJKFHAIGHLANGKLAHOFJLKAB

oh crap… i’m… i’m in deep.

HE’S BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US AGAIN EVERY DAY SINCE HE GOT THERE ANFLaglvbajlfblabvljabefva;bfalLJBLJDABVBAALSNADL tumblr user @tartagliaxx is broken. she is now irreparable. she has no regrets. goodbye.

ehem… what if… you and i… and hotsprings… together?? JUST KIDDING. PG-13 OVER HERE. NOTHING INDECENT WHATSOEVER MOVE ALONG NOW

poor thoma,,,

oh come on ayaka… cut us some slack… i just watched lumine wheeze bc of evil purple mist only to be dragged into 2 timeskips and an entire training arc. dont let her be yet another traumatized shounen manga protagonist… altho, it might be uh… too late for that…

oh dear… is thoma going to get another round of diarrhea?

OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S ME DOING ALL THE WORK. OF COURSE IT’S ME WHO’S RISKING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN. GOD! GIVE LUMINE A BREAK. BEING A TRAVELER DOES NOT MEAN IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.

hello yoimiya… still looking as bomb as ever i see……… mhm… gonna see myself out rn…

HELP MY SHITTY GRAPHICS COMPLETELY ERADICATED HER BROWS

oh god… are we dying because of fireworks? forget getting caught by the patrol… we’re about to light up an untested firework that was made to be a billion times more explosive….

NO. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE CURSED SENTENCE. WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? IDK YOU TELL ME. YOU JUST SENTENCED US TO DEATH YOIMIYA GREAT GOING still love you tho.

man… these patrol guards aint shit… i literally walked an inch behind their backs and they did nothing… its a surprise the rebellion still hasn’t won when they place guards like this in their ranks………. ok that was kinda mean i’ll apologize in a bit.

SAYU OMG… DONT WORRY I’LL SNEAK YOU OUT AND RISK MY LIFE willingly JUST TO RESCUE YOU. ILYSM HONEY YOU’RE DOING SO WELL

no, paimon. it’s not but we’re doing it anyway 🤡

NO ONE TOLD ME WE’RE GOING TO RUN. I WENT COMPLETELY OFF COURSE. first try tho 😏

HELLO THOMA. HELLO AYAKA.

HELLO SAYU. HOW DID IT GO? IM GUESSING IT WENT WELL BC YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?

oh no….. she’s worn herself out…. man,,, this is why you dont make convicts out of kids….

WE ASKED SAYU FOR AN INCH AND SHE GAVE AS TEN THOUSAND MILES. SAYU MY CHILD YOU EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

god, don’t remind me. as hot as the shogun trying to kill us w her blade was, i don’t appreciate almost getting murdered on screen (even if we most certainly have plot armor)

awwww is thoma worried about me uwu owo? dw i have like… a lumine w 6% crit rate by my side

sigh… i dont want to leave yet… cant i just stay by thoma’s side and not go to war for a change?

it was at this moment that tumblr user lei saw the wonders of being a housewife.

oh sara… my stars… i’m so sorry. i feel so bad for you but at the same time… this oddly makes me want to write a song for you ABJFJKABJABCABVABVKA I KNOW JACK SHIT ABT SONGWRITING WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS

well… there she goes…

oh…. oh….. yae is stealing my heart. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO (i have an alt for a reason heehee)

DEAR LORD. PLEASE STEP ON MY NECK SARA.

these guys got guts to say ‘i’m sorry ma’am’ to THE kujou sara.

oh old man… you’re dead. you’re so dead.

man… this old man is a simp? sheesh.

YES. GO TELL EM PAIMON. PREACH THAT SHIT LOUD AND CLEAR.

oh my god… is that dude dead? i probably should’ve uh apologized b4 he flopped down to the ground ig…

MAN,, SARA’S DOWN FOR THE COUNT?? tbf i didnt expect much but…. also, AYE SIGNORA’S SO ICY.

she’s calling me out for being a simp ;-; heart been broke so many times or smth

OH SHIT LUMINE SPOKE. MAN,, WHY IS SHE SO COOL.

oh… i love this part of the vow… im suddenly inspired to write… how about a wedding au? an angsty wedding au?

goddamn… it’s been nice knowing you all…. i dont think i’ll come out of this alive if signora went out like that…

WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU SAYING KAZUHA WENT THROUGH THIS BS? IS LUMINE OKAY-

DID THEY REALLY JUST STORM THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAPITAL?? THEY HAVE SOME NERVE.

FUCK OMG KAZUHA AHHAHFHAFHAHGKJABKASBGA IM TEARING UP WTF WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL- HONEY BUN THATS SO HOT OF YOU TO DO

oh… oh it’s time for round two? haha… time to… say my goodbyes….

yo… there are actual tears in my eyes… like… idk why… but that cutscene? shit man… that hit me…

hm… i feel bad for the shogun… ultimately, there is reason behind every act no matter how horrid. no matter how unreasonable, the reason one thinks of is always justified on their end. whatever everyone else thinks pay little effect on whether the act is fulfilled or not. also, her little laugh? i’m extra deceased.

the animation's fire as always wtf

oh but my kokoro... oof... my kokoro... ugh...

I’M SO FUCKING DONE AJKFHAKJBVAK- WE BEAT A HARBINGER AND FOR WHAT? she should’ve just tossed that gnosis into the ocean or smth...

HAH OMG SCARAMOUCHE. WHAT A MAN. I’M- I WAS RIGHT OMG. I HAD A LIL THEORY AND ITS JUST SMTH I HAD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’LL ACTUALLY COME TRUE DEAR LORD. so now ig i have to admit i think abt him a lot and he has a soft spot in my heart 🥺 he’s evil you see and you know what my type is? evil men or at the very least, men with the potential to be evil. ugh so annoying.

scaramouche banner when

bc i sold everything worthy of money in me (read as my organs) for albedo, i'll sell my soul for him how about that?

EYE- makoto huh… well… fuck…

it’s day 400 of being ayato less even if he’s like… teased a million of times (jk it’s like… a grand total of seven but thats still p high)

im so… sigh…

i wonder if i’m still alive by the time sumeru releases… at the very least, i know my brain wouldn’t be.

....we were literally a captain for like... one second. that is so sad.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Hello love I just got a idea from the cookies dough where Kai said What I say gos can you do one like were his like I’m the man of the house and you have to listen to me after his s/o dose something he doesn’t like and she gos on a mum rant like almost all mothers and is like no im the man because not only do I put up with your bs but Ipushed 2 annoying but lovable parasites out of my vagina so you show me respect brat you know General angry mum stuff with fluffy ending but If you can’t do it ok

Oh shit angst where parents fight not cool

The moment the room went silent and you and Kai just glared daggers at each other was enough to make shivers to appear in both of your childrens bodied... Kaito was still with his face serious as ever but his tiny muscles and whole body in general were tense and frozen, while Kin just weared that wary look on her golden eyes.

"Kaito, Kin." You said more serious than normal, not daring to look away from your husband threatening eyes "Is better if you two go to another room."

"Agreed." Growled Chisaki, not even blinking as he stared you down.

"But mo-"

"Are you deaf Kaito Chisaki?" Asked bitterly Chisaki, looking at his son with only anger in his eyes, but voice still calm "Out."

"You don't need to talk to him like that." You said sternly, trying not to flinch when he directed his threating golden eyes at you again abruptly.

You made again a signal for your kids to left the room, and thankfully this time both obeyed and left, Kaito looking at the scene one last time before closing the door.

"What's going on here my favorite brats?" Said the elder as he notice the faces of his grandchilds.

"Mommy and Daddy are fighting..." mumbled the four year old girl while her older brother glued his ear in the door.

"Is that so? Is rare seing these two fighting..." spoke in worry now Pops before his ten years old grandson mentioned him to do the same actions he was doing.

"Maybe is better to let your parents be Kaito... why not both of you come with me instead..." hesitantly the kids complied, praying that you two wouldn't get serious with this argument.

~

"Wait wait so I am the wrong here? Seriously?!" You spoke in disbelief as he sighed in annoyance while massaging his temples.

"(Y/N) you don't have any earing or mental problems so I don't have to repeat myself again like a fool."

"Just because I let some of the damn dishes to wash later you doing this?! Ah yeah I forgot! Because apparently I didn't do a good job on cleaning both of OUR kids room is that it?!"

"I could do better in my sleep than that." He growled, oppening his eyes threateningly "You already know what I am and what I wish for."

"Listen. I'm tired of you always complaining about those... those IDIOTS AND USELESS things of yours! I thoughf that whole germophobic thing had at least settled down for once! For God's sake you changed Kaito's and Kin's diaper!"

He never did complained until now, you knew that his anger was just because of a probably a bad day, and you knew that, but you were just surrounded by anger that you didn't think too much on what you were spilling in fact.

"Idiotic? Lets see who is the fucking idiot in here when one of us get sick." He growled "Then who is going to be the one to blame for?! Answers me (Y/N)!" He shouted this time making you flinch.

Chisaki never was one to raise his voice, childhood trauma leaded to that, so you it was a understatement when you got scared at it and lowered a little bit your own tone of voice.

"Hey don't need to raise the tone of voice, Kaito and Kin might be-"

"So what?! Is not like they need to hear how SICK OR CRAZY THEIR FATHER IS or HOW USELESS THEIR MOTHER IS!" He shouted and immediately regretted, getting a deja vuu at saying those disgusting words himself directly to his dear loved wife.

The way you widened your eyes and some tears were stuck on them felt like a shot to his heart.

"Useless..? I'm sorry, could you repeat that again? Chisaki..." you said coldly and bitterly his name while you holded back your tears.

Ah shit. You used his surname... you were pissed.

He knew he had cutted all of your pacience...

"Can you repeat that again to me? Repeat that to the person who loved you to no ends for years already? The person whose you called 'angel' countless times until the current days? The person who always was by your freaking side and hold your crying self when no one else would because you're too FUCKING PRIDEFUL AND ARROGANT to accept that you need help BECAUSE YOU'RE SICK?! THE PERSON WHO PASSED THROUGH HELL TO GIVE YOU TWO LITTLE TREASURES IN YOUR GODAMM DARK LIFE?! I'M THE USELESS THEN CHISAKI?! ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?!" you yelled while some of tears fell to the ground.

Chisaki didn't answer due to his own shock surrounding him... he didn't mean it to let out those words, he sweared to God that he didn't...

He hesitantly extended his hand but you took a step back.

"What happened with the 'no touch'?" You whispered angrily which he only lowered his head.

Both of you stayed silent and frozen until you regained your compusture and went in the direction of the door. You stopped to say something.

"I'm going to take a walk... both of us need to cool down our heads apparently."

He nodded numbly before he heard you closing the door... He dropped on his couch with his hands burried in his dark brow hair in anger at himself, shame and sorrow.

You left the room and breath in slowly to calm yourself as you went towards your shared room.

~

Both of kids were already in bed, and Kai thanked Pops for the help. The elder noticing his boy's discomfort placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling the way he tensed and cringed at the contact.

"Kai, was the fight that bad to let you on this state?" Chisaki merely lifted his eyebrow, giving the answer Pops needed.

"Look my boy, it's normal to have fights with their significant others, but what is not normal is to sleep through it without a damn apology from both of your sides. I could hear (Y/N) and your screams from afar..."

Chisaki still weared that numb expression as he looked down in thought.

"I was the one who fucked up the most honestly..." he mumbled monotonously as he felt Pops's hand leaving his shoulder.

"Then why don't throw that arrogance of yours away and go apologize? Its at least the advice I'm offering you..." he left to his own room.

"Night Kai. Wish a good night for my daughter in law for me, will you?"

He sighed while massaging his temples... That is if you were still accepting to be his wife...

~

He oppened the door slowly and thanked internally that you haven't locked it. He immediately catched your figurine messing around in your cellphone while he noticed that the bedroom was far more organized and clean than usual.

As much as he was pleased with this he felt a knot forming in his stomach, already knowing why exactly you did that...

Your eyes found each other and you immediately looked down at your phone to turn it off and lay on the bed to sleep. While him was still preparing too.

He after layed down and notice you were too far away for his liking.

"You're going to fall from the bed.." he stated while looking at you, who was with closed eyes.

You didn't respond, causing his heart to clench a little.

"(Y/N), I know you're awake..." he said, again with no response.

"... I'm sorry angel." He murmured sadly, surprising you when he got closer and higged you tight.

"I'm sorry... words can't express how regretful I am for saying those words to you... I was completly out of my element and even dared to say something that my... that I once heard... I know an apology can't fiz how hurr you must be now... you can retribuit all the things I did with me if that's mean you will feel better again..." he let go of you and stared at your now open eyes.

You stared for a couple of moments before lifting your hand to caress his jaw, your heart clenching at the way he flinched at first, probably thinking you were going to hit him...

"I own you a apology too... I called you things and yelled as well, even knowing how you hate it... guess we both fuck up."

"Apparently..." he whispered still looking everywhere but your eyes.

You two stay in silent until you took the courage to grab his gloved hand and rub little circles on his palm.

"You're not even a bit useless... you had to atture me for ages now..." he said, breaking the silent "After all... who takes more than two months to show their face to their loved one...? you maybe be right about me being the sick one..."

"You take that back." You squeezed his hand gently, finally getting him to look at you.

"You aren't that, neither I am... we both said things we didn't mean to at the heat of the moment... it's fine." You smiled at him which he only scoffed.

"Why do you do this? Forgive me this easy...? I don't... I don't deserve it such a angel like you... my only worth is-"

"Stop that." You said gently, hugging his torso and burring your face on the crook of his neck, noticing how his muscles fir a second tensed but instantly relaxed.

He slowly bringed one hand to carry your hair while his other arm holded you firmly pressed to him.

"Forgive me my angel?" He whispered in your hair.

"As long as you forgive me too my devil..." you hugged him a little tighter when he muffled pressed a kiss in the too of your head.

"Thank god... no more fights like this... it gives me a sick feeling on my stomach..." he pressed you on the bed as he got up on you staring you down.

"Can you really forgive me that easy?"

"Look what love does to us right my handsome husband." You giggled when he breathlessly chuckled before taking his mask off and started to shower you in kisses. Every part he could reach his lips were pressed on it.

"I still think I own you though." He said nibbling on your ear lobe "So I guess I will."

"... Are you serious?" You asked smilling up at him, seing already his dark lusted look.

"My angel, this is my punishment." He pressed his lips against yours gently but the kiss itself was enough to leave both of you breathless.

"And I'm happy to pay for my sins..."

"Hmm... you were the demon of lust this entire time I knew you then?" You started to laugh at the mortified and disgusted look he gave it to you.

"I am not. How dare you?" He said darkly but offended as well.

Your laughing didn't collaborate for his red face... but he was still trying to contain his own smile growing at seing you happy with him again.

Well, nothing better than a bite to quiet this angel down.

[anotheronechicagobog]

The Crackship Sails to Molly’s Natalie Manning x Stella Kidd

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

warnings: swearing, mention of homophobia, Manning isn’t Nat’s maiden name, she changed it when she got married, just saying, Helen’s kindof a bitch, canon compliant accidents, implied artificial insemination, implied/mentioned smut

They had absolutely no idea how they ended up there. Well, that wasn’t strictly true... Molly’s and ladies’ nights. And tequila, tequila was definitely at fault here. For their hangovers and their nudity under the covers. Unfortunately, the tequila didn’t take their memories, so they knew exactly what they did. Or who they did, rather. And the answer was each other.

After Natalie’s awkward exit from Stella’s apartment above the Hermann house, Stella made quick work of the dirty dishes from their breakfast. She couldn’t help but think back to the previous night. They were so drunk, but Natalie was so hot and Stella just felt something inside her snap. It had felt like a coil, but everything that she and Nat did last night, it all just felt so right, so satisfying. She felt like she was on a high. There was no way she was going to last long without having sex with Natalie again, she could already feel herself going crazy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As it turned out, she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. And so, their friends with benefits relationship began. Stella was a bit nervous, she had a two-year-old son and a pretty crazy mother in law. But it felt so right. Until it felt more than right, and both women knew they were in trouble. It started with cuddling after sex and lead to watching movies in the afternoon and lingering touches and longing looks. But one rainy Sunday afternoon, they were cuddled on Natalie’s brand new GRÖNLID, and suddenly it just hit both of them. They were dating, in secret, but dating. Natalie licked her lips and looked Stella in the eye. “Will you go on a date with me?” Stella cradled her face gingerly, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I would love to.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It became obvious to Helen very quickly that Natalie was seeing someone, and the thought made her stomach heavy. She knew it wasn’t fair of her to hate the idea of Natalie moving on, but she couldn’t help it. She only had one son. She only wanted one son. And he was gone.

So when Owen was picked up by someone else while Natalie was at work, months after Helen knew she had officially begun dating him, Helen lost it. Her mouth turned bitter as she drove to the hospital, fully prepared to scream at her daughter-in-law in front of her coworkers. When she got to MED she barely remembered to throw her car in park before slamming the door and marching past everyone. The people waiting, nurses, secretaries, the only one who was able to stop her was Maggie. “Helen, hi. How are you? You know you can’t be back here right?”

“I’m here to see Natalie, move.”

“Okay, no. You do not get to speak to me like that ever, much less so in my ED. Drop the attitude. Now.”

“It’s too soon, Maggie, it’s only been-”

“Four years. It has been four years Helen, I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through, but I know that it is absolutely no excuse for acting the way you are. You are not entitled to Natalie’s love life, and you still haven’t apologized to me. And since you’re not in an emergency medical situation and I do not feel like dealing with your BS right now, you need to leave.”

“Maggie you can’t-”

“I’ll call security.”

“Don’t interfere with something that-”

“Security, escort this woman off the premises, please and thank you.” The two security guards Maggie had summoned with a raised eyebrow ended up dragging Helen out kicking and screaming. All while Natalie watched in heartbreak. Was it really that awful that she didn’t want to be alone and empty for the rest of her life?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because of the incident at MED Nat and Stella decided it was time to sit Helen down and tell her that they were dating and to get over herself. Helen entered in a huff, somewhat pleased with herself that she finally got Natalie to admit she was seeing someone, but she would be lying her ass off if she said she wouldn’t give whoever this guy was shit for sneaking around with a widow. She didn’t see him though, only a Latina woman in a mustard sweater and jeans. “Alright, where is he?”

“Sit down Helen, you don’t’ get to talk to me that way.” Helen threw herself down onto the same chair she’d tossed her jacket and purse on while Natalie sat beside the woman on the light green couch. Helen felt all her rage and grief evaporate as she watched the two women intertwined hands. “I’m bisexual, Helen. So is Stella. I didn’t figure it out really until I met her. I guess a part of me always knew but I kind of ignored it, because, well, you know how people discriminate against LGBTQ people. But, she makes me so, so happy. And Owen just loves her.”

“Oh thank God.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Oh, I don’t care about sexualities, really. Love is love and anyone who tries to limit the love of others is a fool and a monster. Truthfully, this is a relief. I was so scared that you’d found a man to replace Jeff. You dating a woman is actually a lot more comfortable for me. I already approve.”

“While I’m glad Stella’s got your stamp of approval, you have to understand that your behaviour recently is unacceptable, right? You are not entitled to anything, and you owe both me and Maggie apologies.”

“You’re... Right. Completely right. There isn’t an excuse or a reason, not a good one anyway. I’m so sorry Natalie. Really, I am... That... That psychiatrist you work with, Dr. Charles, does he, uh, is he accepting patients? I think, I mean I’ve put it off for so long, I think it’s time that I talk to someone. About everything.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Helen, I’ll talk to him tomorrow for you.”

“Thank you. Now Stella, you’ve been very quiet during all this, I’d like to get to know you. What do you do?- Oh! And how long have you two been dating?”

“I’m a firefighter, and we’ve been dating for- eight months?”

“Around that, yeah.”

“That’s wonderful, how do you like being a firefighter?”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Helen apologized to everyone and started therapy, things got much calmer. She also became Stella and Natalie’s biggest supporter. Like tonight, she was always offering to babysit for date nights, and the couple took full advantage of that. They were dining out at an intimate restaurant, glad for some time with just the two of them. “So I read this story on Reddit on my break today about this guy who, completely sober, was shoving a toilet brush up his... You know, so that it looked like he had a bunny tail. You guys ever get anything crazy like that?”

“Yeah actually, we’ve got this frequent flyer for ambo who regularly gets high off his ass, draws weird, nonsensical symbols all over his body, then call to complain that he was assaulted by aliens.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, hey, I found The Italian Job on Netflix, the one with Jason Statham. Wanna watch it when we get back?”

“Oh, absolutely. I love his movies.”

“I know right?”

“He’s like the British Ryan Reynolds.”

“Yes! Exactly!”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWO YEARS LATER

Stella was just finishing up with the snacks for Owen’s fifth birthday party when the Hermann Horde arrived. “Hey guys! Nat’s just about done with the decorations, but she and Owen are out back.”

“When does Helen get here?”

“She should be here in fifteen, she picked up the cake from the bakery.”

“I thought you were a pretty good baker Stella, why from a bakery?”

“I can bake many things, but a cake for forty people that looks like a shark? Nope. Not that.”

“Owen really likes the ocean, doesn’t he?” Cindy looked around at all the ocean-themed decorations, the snacks dressed up to look like different sea creatures. “He really does, can’t say I blame him though. We go to the aquarium pretty frequently, and damn these little guys are amazing and beautiful.” The placed the last of the jellyfish sugar cookies on the platter and smiled. She really felt like Owen was her son, and as far as anyone was concerned, she was. It would even be official in a couple of months when she and Nat get married. “I love seeing you happy like this Stella.”

“Thanks, Cindy. It feels good.”

“It looks good too, you’re both just so bright and sometimes I swear that Natalie’s glowing.” Stella kissed the older woman on the cheek, biting her lip to keep from revealing that Natalie was glowing, and that they’d be welcoming another member into their family in around eight months.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWO MONTHS LATER

Natalie and Stella were overjoyed, they were finally wife and wife, recognized by the state as a family. Hearts full and warm, they danced in slow graceful circles, the skirts of both their gowns flowing in cloud-like motions around them. “I love you.”

“I love you too. So much.” The music from the orchestra trickled to an end, parting the smiling brides. “Ready to tell them?”

“Yes. I am so excited.” Kisses were exchanged before the blushing brides made their way up to the stage with their arms around each others’ waist. “First of all, we would like to thank everyone for being here to celebrate the best day of our lives.”

“Second of all, we have an announcement to make. Nat’s three months pregnant.” Stella and Natalie placed their hands over Nat’s abdomen, smiling misty tears as they were met with cheers from all of their family and friends, no one louder than Owen.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FIVE YEARS LATER

While working in the ED Natalie had been a witness to numerous tragedies. She’d also been through a few herself. And Maggie, wise, gentle, loving, Maggie, always knew when the worst of the worst were about to come through. She got this look on her face as she answered the head nurse phone, meaning that it was someone they all knew. After a few whispered words with Ms. Goodwin Maggie’s guilt-ridden gaze settle on Natalie. “Nat, I need you to go wait in the doctor’s lounge.”

“Maggie? What’s going on?” In the back of her mind, in the depths of her heart, Natalie knew what was wrong. But she didn’t want to be right. She wanted to be so, so wrong. “Dr. Conte,” Natalie had realized two months into her and Stella’s relationship that she still had the name she took when she married Jeff at twenty years old and decided to go back to her maiden name. “You need to go wait in the doctor’s lounge.”

“Sharon, no-”

“Incoming! Thirty-three year old female, firefighter, inside an electrical fire when the house went. Halstead, Noah, April, you’re in treatment three.” The sounds of beeps and medical jargon couldn’t be heard above the buzzing in Natalie’s ears. Choi was holding her back, trying to drag her to the doctor’s lounge, stopping her from being with her wife. And then her BP dropped and she flatlined. The instructions given could not be heard by anyone outside of the room over Natalie’s horrified, deafening, soul-shattering scream.

And then it was back. One round of epi and she was back. Natalie broke down into heaving, gut-wrenching sobs in Ethan’s arms. He was the only thing keeping her from sliding to the floor, her legs had lost all their strength.

She didn’t remember sitting down, or getting any water or food. But suddenly she feels like she’s woken up and she has a bottle of water and thermos in her hands. “Eat.” Kelly Severide is beside her with a hand on her shoulder. Sylvie is handing her a spoon. Joe is handing her tissues. “Cindy and Helen are watching Owen and Celeste, don’t worry.” She’s drunk the entire water bottle and eaten five spoonful of soup when Maggie approaches her. “Maggie don’t tell me she’s gone- oh God, please no-”

“She’s fine. They’re closing her up now, she’ll recover just fine. Come on, I’ll take you to her recovery room. And bring that thermos. You’re going to finish eating even if I have to tie you down and feed you myself.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Nat?” Stella had woken up, for good this time, and was staring at the love of her life as Connor and Crockett left the room. “You scared me. So, so much.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just be alive. Please, just stay alive.” Nat kissed her forehead and stroked her hair as all her tears just couldn’t be held back anymore. “I know you love being a firefighter, and I love it too, I will never want you to give up a job that you are so kickass at, but please, please be more careful. I’m begging you.”

“Okay... I’ll be more careful.” Stella’s coughing fit was cured by a glass of water, and the aches in her bones were cured by the gentle hugs from her son and daughter when they saw her an hour later. “I love you.” She chanted to each of them. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” And she did, until she and Natalie were in their eighties and living in Fowlerton. They were found by their neighbour who went to check on them after he didn’t see them on their porch like he did every morning. Stll. Peaceful. Tangled together. In love until their very last breaths.

[nessaiscute]

A high school confession

AN: This is an experiment might make a bigger thing bout of this also its time for some fluff

“Try not to embarrass yourself.” Stated Mab as I left the Castle.

Same old bs, never a ‘good luck’, or, ‘do your best.’ Always about the kingdom and my eventual inheritance, I will rule the Ice court, I will make descions that will affect millions of people. Knights will depend on me, servants will want guidance. Other courts will want to challenge me. Seems…. A lot for someone like me. A teenage fairy, but it is the life I have to lead once i graduate. But thats not till a long time down the road at least a year. 

I got on the carriage and we went to the human world, to the high school I attend.

 The carriage pulled up to Fallbrook high school, not too bad of a school. I mean we have our bully issues and teachers don’t really care but we don’t have to worry about Gangs. The leaders of the nevenever make sure of that. It's a red brick building with a flagpole in the middle.When I got out of the carriage, I was greeted by a red haired boy. A summer fairy but a treasured one.

“Hey ice boy. Have you seen the princess?”

My nerves were instantly shot, “Do you not know where she is?”

“I… I saw her at breakfast but then i heard a welp and she vanished.”

Son of a bitch!!

I bolted straight into the building, people moving out of my way as I bulldoze into hall, Puck going after me.

“Ice boy! Slow down! You don’t know if shes in trouble!”

But I did, i knew exactly what happened. I knew that she was hurting her. I swer this time I’ll kill that freak!

My heart was beating faster then I thought it ever could, why am I reacting this way? Its not like this is the first time its happened. But I could barely keep track of her glamour, It was getting weaker and weaker. Gods no, please if there is any beings of higher power out there protect her. Please protect her…

Sure enough As i turned to the gym, a Black teeanger had blonde teenager in a choke hold. The blonde teeanger had tears forming in her eyes, my rage erupting like a volcano. My ice glamour exploded freezing everything around The black teeanger, she stepped on ice and fell on her butt letting the blonde go.

“Meghan!” I shouted and rushed towards her.

Meghan fell to the ground and I caught her, i scooped up her fragile body in my arms.

“Meghan! Talk to me!”

I heard a growl from behind me and Puck sheriked as I felt a fist lunge at me.

I tanked the blow,  everyone told me stories bout Tyras monster strength. Gangers won’t mess with her cause of how scary she is. But she didn’t impress me, her punch hurt but it was nothing I haven’t handled before. I shot an ice spike to get her to jump in the air. Tyra landed gracecfully on the ground.

“I’ve had enough of you getting in my way of beating retard!” Tyra snarled.

I told Puck to come over he did, I handed him Meghan and told the two to get out of here. They left. But by this point a crowd had gathered.

“Tyras gonna fight the ice prince!” Said a student.

“No, Tyras gona destory the ice prince. No one can handle Tyra.” Said a teacher.

Tyra cracked her knuckles grinning, “I’ve been looking forward to this, youre hot but youre too nice. Im going to fix that.”

“Is that right?” I smirked.

I slowly walked around, in a slow mocking matter. Bending my knee, her brown eyes glaring at me. People asked what I was doing, I walked around her slowly. Finally she shouted and lunged

I blocked her punch and pushed her off me, I did not strike her. She got ready for another punch, and she went through with her attack, this time she missed. I leaned out of the way, Tyra tried to bear hug me but I slide under her. 

“FIGHT ME!!” Tyra roared.

Suddenly an ice blast froze Tyra solid, I looked around and there was the principle. He glared at me.

“Mr. Johnson?” I asked surprised.

“What happened young man!” Mr. Johnson snapped.

“Tyra attacked Meghan Chase sir,”I replied, “I was defending my friend.”

Mr Johnson was trained by my mom to use Ice glamour, he takes no crap from any of the students and hes very strict. He puffed and singled for a cop.

“Take Miss Tyra away she will be expelled if Ash is…”

Suddenly Mr. Johnson’s phone rang, it was the nurse.

“What is it miss bells?”

“What? Miss Chase is unconscious?”

Everyone gulped.

“Everyone get to class! NOW!”

We all scattered.

I went straight to home room, I was sure I was going to get jumped Tyra was very popular. I know people were going to be pissed. In fact I got sneers and glares as I walked through the halls. I expected someone to try and deck me.

But I was greeted by Puck, who looked sad.

“Hey, how is she?”

“She won’t wake up ice boy. They called in an ambulance.”

Darn it!

I patted Pucks shoulder, “She’s been through hell before, she’ll get out again.”

Puck touched my hand and smiled at me, “Youre right.”

We both sat down, and class started. It seemed like nothing changed, Meghan was gone but no one seemed to care. Meghan was a huge part of all of our classes too. The teacher didn’t seem to notice that no one was answering questions besides me. Its normally me and Meghan.

“The left index.” I answered.

“Very good Ash.” The teacher replied.

A student laughed, “Man, I can’t believe that rere was holding Ash back.”

Bile rose in my throat, Meghan has had mental illnesses for as long as I remember. Its been the number one reason for her being bullied.

“Meghan wasn’t holding back anything I-”

“Rere!” The student snapped, “Gods how long have you been here? Learn the terminology fairy!”

“Meghan is not a ‘rere’ or whatever you call her. She's just as important to this class as I am.”

“Ugh, what is she? your girlfriend or something??” The student yelled

Everyone gasped like he just dropped an F bomb.

The teacher jumped in, “Anthony leave Ash alone. Theres no way he would date Miss chase. Now lets get back to the lesson.”

The class went on without a hitch though that accusation never left my mind.

What is she? Your girlfriend or something?

Did I see Meghan like that? She's been my friend for as long as I remember. She's my best friend. I feel content when shes around, when we’re cuddling and I can feel her heartbeat. When we’re watching a movie, when I’m fighting off bullies for her. I even defied my mom to be her friend, it was the one argument I ever won against my mom. Even as a king I will never abandon Meghan, I’ll run away from the throne if I have to I-

Oh. I am in love with her.

The class ended and I was called to the nurse’s office. I power walked there, my heart racing as I opened the door…

“You’re late.” Greeted Meghan.

The smile ran across my face before I realized it, “It took forever to get out of class.”

She opened her arms and I took her in mine.

“When Tyra grabbed me that time….I thought it was over.” She sobbed.

“I took care of it. Shes expelled.”

“Isn’t that only going to make things worse?” Meghan asked.

“Nope.” The nurse shook her head, “The students have gotten a clear warning. Anything happens to you over her jail will be next. Now, I have lunch to grab, you two stay here.”

The nurse left and it was just me and Meghan, my heart going into over drive. I wanted to tell Meghan how I felt. That I’m in love with her, I sat down next to her.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Meghan asked.

I nodded.

“Are you okay?”

“I… I need to tell you something.”

Now or Never.

“What is it?”

I took a deep breathe gathering my thoughts, It was time to face this.

“I love you.”

The words didn’t register right away, she just said, “huh?”

“I really love you.” I repeated.

Meghan gasped, her eyes smacked with shock. Did I make a mistake?

She looked down, my heart was bout to fall into the depths of hell when she said, “Um…. Can you give me some time to think Ash? After school, meet me at the front gate. I’ll see you then.”

Meghan then ran away and I just went to class.

“Man youre lame.” Puck stated.

“Shut up Summer shit.” I snarled.

“Seriously that was the best you could come up with? Although I’m honestly shocked this didn’t happen sooner.”

“Whats that suppose to mean?” I asked.

“Ive known you both for bout 5 years and from the moment I met you… Ive had to deal with the soft stares and cuddling and couple fights. I remember when Tyra first started bullying her, and she cried that no one was going to care if she died. And You got really mad at her and you both started yelling until you screamed ‘if you died I’d rip out her heart myself’ and you both stared at each other mouths agape till I had to bring up the newest book coming out.”

Puck was right, although it was embarrassing to hear him bring up the past.

“So, were you joking?”

I swatted at him, “Of course I wasn’t!”

Puck Patted my head, “Good luck lover boy!” 

He ran away before I could kill him.

I went to the front gate and Meghan was waiting for me.

“Hello Ash.” Meghan Greeted.

“Hey, Um, can I have your answer?”

My whole life hangs on this.

Meghan smiled softly, “I… was so happy when you told me. Thank you. But here is the thing…. I can’t believe you actually said it. and...I’m wondering if you made a bet with Michael. To see if it would be funny…. So i have to ask… were you joking?”

Tears were forming in her eyes when she asked if I was joking, what exactly do people take me for.

“No i meant it.”

“You… do know im not normal right??” Meghan asked shocked, “I’m not pretty like the other girls. I like dumb things and I can barely do anything right. And then there is the fact I'm on adhd medication. People will always judge me for that, I just doze off and I get mad quite easily; I annoy people very easily…. One of my favorite thing bout you is how patient you are with me. If…. we start dating that patience will be tested to its limit. You’ll have to deal with that stuff all the time. I… don’t want to be a pest to you.”

This foolish…

“You aren’t a pest Meghan!”

Meghan gasped and i kept going.

“Hell I love you doing those things, do them all the time. I don’t get those anime cartoons you watch nor do I understand shipping and all of that but I want to be with you every step of the way. As for your mental illness I love you, all of you, especially those parts. There's nothing you could do to make me lose my patience in you. Hell, I don't even consider it a test of patience. Being with you is a choice I make. I make it every day, and I’ll keep making it till the end of time.”

“Ash….” Meghan gasped, “Has anyone ever told you… that you're dangerous to a woman's heart.” her face was flushed.

“Do love me Meghan? Cause I can’t stand the thought of not being with you. I can do anything but losing you would destroy me.”

“Yes. I love you, Ash Please be my boyfriend.”

I walked towards her, took her face in my hands and kissed her. She coiled her arms around me and I crushed her to me. She was mine, Nothing will ever change that.

[suhmayzooka]

cursed child broadway, feb. 23, 2020

third time seeing cc in three months for one reason: my sister is, in her words, “in love with joey labrasca” (karl).  she thinks he’s absolutely perfect.  this past week i’ve endured her talking about how hot he is.  i mean, i’ve gotten quite a bit of good lily luna material for my fics now, but at what expense? did i need to know that joey’s (very mild) acne made him look handsomer? did i need to know about how deep his eyes are? did I?

i teased her about what she’d do if he wasn’t on, and she said she’d be so upset.  

we get to the theatre, i look at the cast…and james romney was karl.

my sister was shocked.  the love of her life, who most likely has forgotten about her existence, wasn’t there for what looks to be our final time seeing the year 2 cast.  she was devastated.

we also got to see antoinette robinson as hermione and tom patrick stephens as ron!  and sarita amani nash was myrtle!!  and kimberly dodson as polly!!

james!karl was great and i will bombard my sister with as much james romney content as i can in order to piss her off further :)

patrick du laney was the sorting hat and aaron bartz was the station master.  we actually saw aaron walking into the theatre as we waited outside for part 2.  he definitely has the draco swagger.

anyway let’s get to the good stuff!

~james snyder as harry! great as usual. i don’t think he did much differently than last time, or if he did it wasn’t very noticeable.

~diane davis as ginny – same w james.  i think she held on to albus longer when they hug in godric’s hollow this time?

~jonno roberts as draco: okay this guy singlehandedly inspired me to start a fic back in december (that has…….yet to be finished………) with how his draco and bubba’s scorpius behaved and this was no exception.  idk whether his mic got caught on something or if he was really bringing it all out, but when he shoves scorpius’s head against his desk in the dark world, he GROWLED the “you do NOT use her name in vain” line ???? i’ve never heard him say it like that, it’s usually more of a hiss.  idk how to describe how he said it other than “growl.” almost like an animal.

then when he said “do it safely, i can’t lose you too” he’s looking directly at scorpius.  it’s different from how i’m used to seeing him and closer how i picture him saying it; usually he’s looking away, like he’s afraid of showing vulnerability to scorpius.  but here, with him looking directly at him, and said with so much emotion and love, even in such a dark place…oOOF

he refused to let go of scorpius when they met again in godric’s hollow.  my heart…..always one arm around scorpius’s shoulders, or one hand on his chest, as scorpius clings on to him.

~kimberly!polly SMILED and giggled when she stepped in blood? “oh, potter, i’ve got blood on my shoe!” *delighted* and then as the staircase rolled away, she turned on her stomach to gaze down at scorpius, grinning flirtatiously.  this is my second time seeing her as polly, but from what i remember, katherine!polly wasn’t as sadistic in the dark au as she was.  i personally prefer kimberly!polly.

~sarita!myrtle!! like w kimberly!polly this is my second time seeing sarita!myrtle and i don’t really remember much about lauren!myrtle to compare, but sarita!myrtle was hilarious.  she got a round of applause just for appearing.  “girls….*turns around, stares directly @ albus* AND BOYS” *albus turns around, confused, as if she’s talking to someone behind him* UGHHH she’s so good and she’ll absolutely kill it as (main) polly, i can feel it.

~this was my first time seeing jack pravda as young harry! his voice is deeper than zell’s, and he was so adorably confused in the graveyard scene.  “why are there so many flowers?”

~antoinette!hermione was a lot less playful than jenny!hermione.  she does try for comedic effect, but she’s a bit more serious overall.  she was so scary in the first timeline!  when she waves her wand to dismiss the class and she’s standing all alone, she looks out with such a distant, despairing expression, then composes herself immediately. 

~tom!ron was very funny!  again, my issue with ron in cc comes down to how he was written.  he may have been relegated to shitty comic relief (why……is one of the first things he says……a fart joke…..?), but it’s up to the actors do what they can to flesh out some semblance of a likeable character from the bs that the script gave us.  and tom!ron was great!! he’s not as…dopey? dorky? as matt!ron, who’s very funny but a bit—childish? i guess? tom!ron feels more like an adult who still has a childish sense of humor, if that makes sense.

~ROMIONE.  watching a new take on romione was like falling in love w romione all over again.  tom/antoinette was a very loving pair.  jenny/matt tease each other a lot more, but tom/antoinette are more tactile.  their kiss was so sweet

~there’s hardly any love for sara farb’s delphi for some reason. i’m not sure why; her shift from delphi diggory to delphi riddle is so chilling. delphi diggory has a high pitched voice and is really goofy around albus.  scorpius absolutely hates her lmao.  as soon as she switches, her voice drops to a low growl and she’s downright terrifying.  i’m sad to see her go!

~WILL CARLYON.  is it possible to fall in love with the portrayal of a character in a handful of scenes? he’s got like five lines total but oh my god.  one thing a lot of people note about nicholas!albus is the way he’s so obviously a fourteen-year-old child.  will’s james sirius potter is SUCH a thirteen-year-old in the opening scene…it’s somewhat disconcerting watching this very-obviously-twenty-something-year-old man flap his arms going “WATCH OUTTT FOR THE THESTTRRAAAAAAALS” but it works? it’s believable?? he’s so close with lily luna.  this is my third time seeing him and every time he pretends to pounce on her and hug her during the thestral line i fall in love?? ginny scolds him and he is sheepish, but he won’t stop making the troll face at albus.  “SLITHERING SLYTHERIN STOP WITH YOUR DITHERING” *smacks albus*

~yeah i promised jsp content and i’m fucking delivering

~he’s sO excited watching albus get sorted. when the hat goes “SLYTHERIN” he’s absolutely shocked.  he’s confused.  he just stares at albus, confused, until yann (jonathan gordon, who once again gives us a delightfully dislikable yann) says some shit and james just turns to him and swats his hand at him.  he genuinely looked ready to fight yann.  i couldn’t tell but i think he tells him to stop?? it was hard to hear but his mouth definitely moved, i think to tell yann to cut it out.

~the scene with the students eavesdropping on mcgonagall’s meeting with the parents.  oh my god i don’t think he did anything that much differently than last time but i need to talk about this because i didn’t do it justice in my last recap.

~they sit on the stairs (iirc) top to bottom craig, yann, karl, rose, james.  i’m gonna ignore craig, yann, and karl since there are some serious family feels going on w rose and james

~jsp and rose begin the scene smiling, snickering as they hear that albus and scorpius fucked up.  “ahaha they got into deep shit” but then when they learn that they wrote rose and hugo (??whom??) out of time and then killed harry, their faces fall.  james’s eyes become vacant, far-off as he learns what happened to his brother.  his breathing becomes heavier and faster until he’s a few breaths from hyperventilating.  he leans his forehead against the stairwell/banister and shakes his head, mouthing/whispering “no…no…”

~nadia brown’s rose is such a little shit but she’s so good in this scene.  when she learns that she didn’t exist in the new timeline, she grabs james’s shoulder and he grabs her hand.  they don’t let go for the rest of the scene.

~i’m like half convinced that will got the part because of his amazingly expressive eyebrows.  i think my sister calls it “back row acting?” his eyebrows can probably be seen from the back row.  after the mcgonagall scene is over he sits on the stairs, raising one eyebrow at rose and hermione, then goes back to reading the scroll.

~i didn’t mean for this to become a will carlyon fan account but he deserves it.  according to nicholas he’s the biggest potterhead in the cast. he’s a ravenclaw. he can sing.  he’s so fucking valid and i’m so glad he’s staying for year 3.  he’s got two followers on youtube and one of them is me.  please guys like no one talks about him and i’ll fill this niche.  same with the lovely sarita. she’s so kind and so beautiful and so talented she can sing so well and she gives everything during wand dance listen i spent the beginning of this thing making fun of my sister for liking joey so much but sarita……..

~cc nyc said straight girl/lesbian solidarity  

~anyway…

~nicholas podany as albus.  so. Many. Tears.  i didn’t realize this before but his whole body trembles when he cries?? i first noticed this when he and harry were in the slytherin common room.  i was like “are his pajamas vibrating?? is this an optical illusion (they’re striped pajamas)???” no, his whole body was shaking with suppressed crying.  once i noticed i couldn’t un-notice and this continued for the rest of the show.

~bubba weiler’s scorpius didn’t seem much different from usual? i could go on about him but….that’s what my unfinished fic is for……one day……….

~okay so this is where i elaborate on the scorbus moments that made me want to YEET myself off the roof of the theatre (if you had to make sense of my typos on discord: i am Sorry)

~the slytherin dorm scene: scorpius tickles albus to wake him up.  he then makes himself comfortable on albus’s bed and won’t stop rubbing and patting his thigh.

~in addition to being austistic, bubba!scorp is bisexual (jon case would be proud) and here is PROOF: to flirt, bubba!scorpius leans against objects, sprawls his body out, plays with his hair, etc all extremely cheesy, greasy, suave moves.  he blows a kiss to polly as he’s sprawled across the stairs.  when he ROLLS down the stairs (looked painful…) to see rose at the end, he plays with his hair, shoots her a finger gun (further proof he’s bi), and lowers his voice.  but the comparison i need to highlight is THIS: when he says rose smells like bread, (1) he leans against the suitcases, trying to look suave, and (2) his face is instant regret. he silently bends back and mouths “WHAT WHY BREAD?? WHAT??? WHY???” and now…when he delivers his “ENGORGIMPRESSED” line to albus, he (1) leans against the sink, (2) grins, lowering his voice, and when the pun doesn’t land, (3) his face immediately falls, instant regret, the literal definition of “oH MY GOD WHAT WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT” the same expression he had when rose wasn’t impressed.  coincidence? i think NOT.  he’s trying so hard to flirt but he has no idea how to interact w people im --

~delphi in the church: when the adults have all surrounded delphi with their magic in the center of the stage, albus, ginny, and scorpius are huddled together. scorpius is behind albus, clutching his shoulder and hand.  albus breaks free for “SHE’S A MURDERER I’VE SEEN HER MURDER” (an underappreciated line imo) and scorpius just watches him, clearly wanting to help but not knowing how

~the final hug.  my initial, endorphin-fueled reaction was, verbatim: “THE FUNAL HUG NSCWR SEEN IR LAST SO LLNG NEVER SAW NICJ HUG HIM BACK NOSES ALMOST TOYCHONF.”  not even this is enough to convey my reaction to the final hug, but i’ll try my best to transcribe it.  

scorpius: runs up the stairs, grabs albus into a hug

albus: stunned for a moment, then wraps his arms around scorpius’s shoulders and hugs him back, burying his face into the crook of scorpius’s neck.  this is the first time i’ve seen him hug back, at least so fiercely.  they stand there for a good 3-5 seconds, then albus says, quietly, “what’s this? i thought we didn’t hug.”

scorpius, pulling back but still close to albus: “i wasn’t sure whether we should…” *looks up at albus, literal inches from his face* “in this new version of us…” *more gazing into each other’s eyes for a few seconds*

albus: “well…you better ask rose if it’s the right thing to do…” he sounded unsure? not as playful as before?

scorpius: *stares at albus for a few seconds* “a..aaha………..yeah right!”

he turns around and runs down the stairs.  albus goes “i’ll see you at dinner!” and scorpius turns around, smiles at him, and walks off, albus grinning and gazing so lovingly as he departs i’m gonna c r y

i can’t think of anything else to say about the show itself?  but my sister has given me a lot of material so i’m gonna talk about what went on with her because it’s relevant to our stage door interactions.

as we ate, she described how she would rewrite cc.  she has valid and absolutely invalid suggestions.  she would keep the father/son issues, make scorbus canon, remove or rewrite rose, and rewrite delphi’s backstory (valid).  she would remove the sorting hat and the dark timeline (not valid).  

during the intermission between acts 3 and 4, we started looking through the playbill and she started gossiping/venting about how much she hates the people in her school’s theatre (valid, since they’re bullying assholes).  i brought up a meme i sent her that i saw on twitter about how no high school theatre guys can sing, act, dance, and not be sexist.  somehow this discussion went back to nicholas podany? she was like, “i’ve been listening to his songs and deep blue is a low-key bop.” i asked if she heard his most recent song, telling myself.  she hadn’t and she immediately went to soundcloud to listen to it.  her reaction was PRICELESS.  she absolutely adored it.  she was dancing in her seat, going “okay this is actually really good??” like ofc it is? i don’t recommend bad songs? she tried to replay it but then her data ran out and the lyric theatre wifi is shit so she got very upset.  then the lights turned off and she reluctantly took out her earbuds.

there was a little girl (around 6-7ish, i’d say) in the very first row dressed as hermione for part one--complete with a doll and a broom.  for part two she was wearing a hedwig costume that looked homemade! she was very adorable, and bubba waved hello to her when he came for the curtain call.

stage door:

~sarita came out first! we told her that this was our third time at the show and second time seeing her.  i congratulated her on being cast as polly and she was so happy! dare i say…..loml

~tom and antoinette were so happy to have been the first cover romione we saw! tom was like “ah, you saw the best ron (himself)!” we were in front of a man from the uk who had seen the london show five times, and he and tom struck up a conversation about where they were from.

~nadia brown was so happy to see us! she didn’t remember us lmao but she’s so friendly

~edward james hyland (amos/dumbledore) was…politically campaigning?? the people in front of us were from vermont and he was like “ah…vermont…do you support bernie??” just like that.  they were caught off guard but i think they gave an affirmative answer, and he was like “and if he doesn’t get the nomination…?” they were still caught off guard and he just went “you’ll vote blue, right…? cause it’s the right thing to do….?” idk i’m firmly liberal but i thought this was a weird place to get political but okay

~EVERYONE was telling nicholas podany about how much they love telling myself.  he was telling the people in front of us about how it was mastered/mixed by solange’s producer(?) and my sister and i exchanged :0 looks.  she was getting shy, but i was like “tell him! he’ll love to talk about it, i guarantee it!” because even though i produce 0 content, i *am* an artist and i *do* know that we artists love validation

~so he came to us and she started talking about his songs! we’re fortunate that it was a more rock-y song so we’re…able to sound like we know what we’re talking about lmao.  growing up our mom would play us classical music (check out beethoven’s wig yo) and our dad would play us the ramones.  one of my earliest memories was arguing with my sister (probably around 4 at the time) about the lyrics to “i wanna be sedated” ahh… (she was correct btw)

~(don’t argue with me the ramones may not be poets but they’re valid)

~i was right! he was SO excited to talk to us!! my sister complimented the song and the production.  she said “i ADORE your new song!! it’s a high key bop!” and he broke into the BIGGEST smile.  she was like “i’m gonna play it until i hate it” and he said something along the lines of “i was in the studio listening to it nonstop for 8(??) hours i can’t stand it.”  he was talking about how he made the song with his “own scorpius” but i forgot who…he said scorpius and my mind blanked lmao.  he’s brought this person up before in interviews so i can probably find it.  she complimented the fact that it was different from his usual stuff and he told us about how he had a rock band in high school.  @nick where tf is your rock content pls deliver

~i actually spoke this time and cut in to tell him about how she was trying to listen to it on repeat but the signal gave out. she was trying to tell me to shut up but it’s my legal duty as the older sister to embarrass her.  

me: “I told her about your song during the intermission—”

her: “don’t!”

me: “no, nO, i told her and she was listening and then she ran out of data—”

him: “aaAa noo!”

her: “I listened to it!”

~then i told him that we loved seeing how he played albus and that we’re going to miss him, that we were going to see the cast change show but we couldn’t get tickets (i kindly left off the reason why), and he was so sweet about it *clenches heart* he told us how much he loves being able to experience this, that we’ll be so lucky to have james romney take over, etc etc i kinda wasn’t listening bc I was too emo, but I remember going “…but I don’t want to say goodbye…” and he just. gave me a sad look like “I know.”  there was so much pity in his expression.  why is he leaving us.

~the uk guy behind us was talking about how he’d seen the london year 3 and 4.  nicholas was like “oh, joe and dom? yeah i’ve spoken to joe and dom—wait, no, i haven’t met dom? i know he has an impressive social media presence” and they started talking about how different actors bring different things to albus and how the show allows them to explore different aspects to their characters and he just…wasn’t making any of this any easier for me lmao i’m mourning the loss of nick!albus and it’s not even march

~i feel bad that we weren’t able to speak with fiona reid (petunia/umbridge) because nicholas was talking to us.  

~jonno roberts.  this was the first time i’ve interacted w him at sd.  his draco has made such an impact on me, he’s my favorite actor in the show, and what do i say? what great words come out of my mouth? “hi you were great.” my sister KICKED me with her heeled boots. good thing i’m a lesbian because my doc martens protected my feet from the force of her anger.

~james snyder was enraptured in conversation with the people in front of us and just took our playbills to sign as he spoke with them. then he went “hi,” passed over us to talk to the guy behind us.  my sister was like “you were great!”

~tbh sd was kinda messy bc we were at the end of the line and the barrier things didn’t allow for the actors to get enough room to interact with the fans at the back. also jonno was standing there and he’s not a small man.

~saw several male actors leaving sd, waving goodbye at us and just walking away.  MOOD.  i was exhausted and i wasn’t the one running around on stage!

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer IV: Twice Upon a Time

Mingfei and I sat on the back porch side by side, listening to Nono inside the old cottage on the Hydra Clan’s cemetery grounds.

Johann Chu had looked at me and shaken his head, nervous and wide eyed. After all my searching, after all these nights wanting nothing but to hold him, he was here and I couldn’t even be close to him.

Nono was scolding him. “Why are you taking so long in the bathroom? Are you an otter?”

Mingfei looked at me and I looked at him. Ru’Yi had been greedily nursing but she’d fallen asleep in my arms, warmed under the blanket around my shoulders.

“Odin is... a Norse god.” He said.

“I know what Odin is. What does this have to do with Johann?” I asked.

“Odin killed his dad. The whole reason he joined Cassell was to get back at him.”

“What? Odin is real?” My eyebrows rose.

“Yeah. When Nono, Finger, and I were in our hometown, we discovered that there’s a Nibelungen that covers the entire city. The biggest one I’d ever seen.”

“It rains a lot in our city. Especially during Monsoon season. When the streets and the buildings are soaking wet, they reflect!” Mingfei was whispering, his eyes intense in the dark.

“...and the gate opens...”  I concluded.

Nibelungen: A parallel dimension created by dragons using a mysterious alchemical process. These pocket realities exist side by side and tend to be reflections the main reality and allow dragons to hide even in populated areas.

“This Nibelungen belongs to Odin. According to Johann Chu, it was on such a rainy night that they were stuck in after-school traffic. His dad saw a highway that seemed to be open and empty and took it. But that highway was in the Nibelungen.”

“They got attacked by Death Servitors while they were trying to escape. And then they ran into Odin. His dad told Johann to get into the car and drive away. And in our timeline, he did. He made it out, he joined Cassell. He met you... et cetera...”

“But when talked to this Johann... that’s not what happened. This Johann said, he was so concerned about his dad that he turned around and went back. He doesn’t remember what happened. Only that he opened his eyes and he saw Nono and he saw me.”

Nono’s voice interrupted us again. “Why is your hair still wet? Didn’t your mother teach you to dry your hair after a shower?” 

He shifted a little, whispering more softly. “We entered the Nibelungen to try to find him. But we only found Odin. Long story short, Nono nearly died. I...” His voice dropped even further. “I had to go dragon to defeat him. And when I tore off the mask of Odin.. behind it was Johann Chu.”

“Johann...?” My face twisted with confusion.

Mingfei nodded slowly.

“How is... that... how can he BE Odin?” I sputtered.

“We’re still trying to figure that out. That’s why he’s scared of me and so attached to Nono. He remembers me as a dragon monster attacking him.” Mingfei’s eyes were sad.

Something about this story was wrong. “No.”

“No?” Mingfei blinked.

“I thought... Johann Chu was disappeared. You’re telling me that, he’s been here this whole time, stuck in Nibelungen? Then ... how is it that you remember him? I remember him... and Ru’Yi exists?”

Mingfei shook his head slowly.

“And... I know that... in the Nibelungen you can’t die, you just waste away and  like shrivel up. He’s not shriveled. And he’s been there for years.... supposedly. I mean even if he’s only been there for a few months, he should be really skinny... right?” I looked up at him for confirmation.

Mingfei smiled. “Carli, in the car, you said, how does Johann disappearing make me suddenly good at basketball? That was a really good question because...” He laughed, “In what universe am I interested in sports? How does that even happen, I’m... I’m a gamer.”

I point at him. “Right!” Then I lowered my voice, glancing toward the cottage. “Right...”

“And... no offense but... Even if I had somehow not met Erii... I still would have gone after Nono...” He added. “I don’t think I would have married you.”

“According to Susie, I pursued you.”

Mingfei cringed.

“There’s something else. Something I haven’t told you. Not even as a member of Club S.” I leaned right against his ear and whispered. “I can time travel.”

Mingfei inhaled sharply. “Then... then why haven’t you? Carli... we can fix this.”

“No. You can’t alter the past. And even if I could, I wouldn’t do it.”

He leaned away from me, staring at me with a wide eyed look. “Why not? If you could change the past... then none of this would have to happen!”

“Because what you end up changing is the future you haven’t experienced yet.”  I chewed my lip, lowering my head in shame. “I won’t get into the details, but the first time I time traveled, I wanted to stop Isaac Comemnus from dying. I never wanted to kill him.”

““Not only did I fail to prevent his death,” I pressed my lips together, fighting sorrow. “I set in motion events that would lead to my first child being sacrificed to Herzog.” I spat the words bitterly.

“The second time I time traveled? I went six months in the future. Just six months!” I whispered roughly, tears in my eyes. “And in so doing, I set in motion events that resulted in the deaths of my entire family.” 

“You’re serious...” Mingfei froze in shock. “Are you saying... those things that happened to you are... blow back?” 

Every god-tier Soul Skill came with consequences.  Blow back, the consequences for using powerful Soul Skills, could even effect a Dragon King. 

"Yes. The blowback for time travel. The slightest thing you do in the past brings extreme heartache.”

“You don’t think we can fix Johann?” Mingfei’s shoulder’s lowered.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” I replied. “I’m just telling you why I’m not going to try time travel to fix this. I’ve done it. It doesn’t work, and it’s awful. That’s my point. Plus you can’t change the past.” 

“What Johann says he did shouldn’t be possible. You can’t just rewind your life like a tape and then overwrite the decisions you made in the past.”

Mingfei squinted, trying to follow.   “Are you saying that... Johann Chu somehow -didn’t- turn around?” 

I shifted looking back towards the garden. “What should have happened is this:  Johann Chu goes to the past, finds the Nibelungen where his father died, and tries to save him as an adult. The child self should still drive away and leave Nibelungen.”

Mingfei rubbed his chin, humming thoughtfully.

“I thought that maybe we had an Avengers Endgame situation, where Johann Chu was literally taken out of the timeline by a Soul Skill and we were thrust somehow into a new dimension running parallel to the one we were from. But that’s not what happened according to Johann Chu himself. No one ‘took’ him. He made the decision to turn around which... which is ...” I tried to find the words. “I’m sorry that’s BS.”

Mingfei wheezed. “You’re going to teach your baby naughty words if you’re not careful.”

I chuckled. “I don’t care, you can’t do that! This isn’t like a video game where you can go back to a save point and do things over!”

Mingfei’s face suddenly turned pale and his smile faded.

“The only thing you can change is what happens going forward from the time you time traveled.” I paused, squinting at him. “Are you alright?”

Mingfei startled. “Yes! Yes!... uh... where were we...? “ He rolled his eyes upward. “So... The moment Johann went back in time. We should see consequences going forward.”

“Yes.”

“Meaning... this whole thing about people's memories of him being erased shouldn’t have happened.”

“Correct.”

He looked back down at me. “What do you think happened?”

I leaned forward to him, whispering furiously. “I have no idea! But unless there’s a different kind of time travel I don’t know about, this ain’t it!” I settled back. “The last thing I remember was Johann on the phone with me, video chatting when we lost connection. An hour later that’s when ... that’s when all this happened.”

Mingfei rubbed his chin again. “There’s no signal in Nibelungen. It’s possible he entered it at that point when the connection cut.”

“But he was on assignment in Norway, not near the Odin Nibelungen...”

“Ahhh....” Mingfei rubbed his hands in his hair frustrated. “None of this makes any sense!”

“Here’s what I do know. Johann Chu didn’t turn around to go save his father that day.” I stood up wrapping Ru’Yi in the blanket. “There’s some screwed up stuff going on here and when I find out who’s behind it, I’m going to kill him.” 

Mingfei stood up and walked behind me, throwing one arm around me. “Get in line!”

When we walked back into the cottage, it was dark inside. The priest had already brought supplies for Ru’Yi and Johann and Nono were already asleep. My heart trembled anxiously at the thought of them sleeping so near each other. 

“Where are you going to sleep?” I asked Mingfei.

I watched Mingfei’s mood drift downward into melancholy. He pulled out a bag of potato chips and beer from his supplies. “I’m not tired.” He sat down at the table and tore open the bag.

This was the second time I saw him drinking when he was sad and concern welled up in me. It was just like my Robbie had said when he started drinking when he was younger. He did it to cure his loneliness. If he had a six pack, he had friends and he could forget his troubles.

I walked over to Mingfei and slipped the beer can away from him. “You already h ad some of that tonight.”

Mingfei gave me a startlingly fierce glare. But then his expression softened. He sighed.

I let out the breath I’d been holding. “Wanna play cards?”

“Nah. You need to sleep.” Mingfei’s eyes shifted from the beer can to my face. “Carli?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a real good friend.”

“I try.” I took the can of beer and put it back in the bag. “I’m taking this to bed with me.”

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Animal (13)

Chadwick Boseman X Original Female Character “Sianna”

Chapter Warning: Cursing, Angst, Plot, Plenty of Words, Slow Burn

Word Count: 2.8k

Note:  I hope you guys enjoy this. By the way, Tumblr is on the BS and flagged every chapter because my old mood board had a portrayal of backshots. LMFAO!!!! So new mood board.

I censored my mood board, let’s see if it gets flagged. LOL

**Loosely edited/Proofread***

Thank you guys for reading!!!  If you enjoyed this please LIKE, REBLOG, COMMENT. ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Sianna-

  MSG Mom: You have missed the last several months of Sunday dinners. That is inexcusable young lady. I get that you’re busy, everyone is busy. We are all busy. We all make the time. Why can’t you?

  You’d been staring at the message from her for the last few hours. After the last dinner you’d missed your brothers warned you that she was on a rampage. They told you to expect her call. You dodged the calls but this you couldn’t dodge. It had been months since you made an appearance at the biweekly family dinner. In the beginning, it was due to your insane work schedule and all the time you had to put into establishing your line and brand. Now with the pregnancy, it was terror. You knew you couldn’t show up to family dinner six months pregnant, especially when the last time they saw you, you weren’t and had no prospects as your mother would say.

 If you showed up preggers your mother would have a heart attack at the scandal alone. Your brothers would go into cabin in the woods ax murderer mode, your father would probably understand but be disappointed that you’d rearranged the order of events skipping boyfriend and marriage altogether. Everyone would have something to say and you were nowhere near prepared to handle any of it.

Groaning you dropped back onto your bed and closed your eyes. Maybe if you lied here long enough this would all fade away and you’d realize it was an insane fever dream and you weren’t pregnant with a near stranger's babies, and tackling all of it alone. Five, fifteen, then thirty minutes passed with you laying there in silence without a thought in your mind besides the yoga breathing you’d been learning the last two weeks you’d began Lamaze classes.

 When you opened your eyes everything was still calm, and you nearly forgot everything, but then felt a powerful jab in your abdomen. You shot right up and touched your stomach, the tiny imprint of some body part pressed against your right palm. A smile tickled your lips until you were full-on grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

 “Yep, not a dream. Reality.” You slowly rubbed your belly. Where your hands roamed the movements followed. Soon you were feeling a symphony of kicks all over your stomach and you sat there smiling enjoying every second. It was surreal, yes, but it wasn’t nearly as alarming now as it had been several weeks ago.

 “What are we gonna do guys? We have to get our shit together. Work is great, I can handle work but everything else. How do I even begin to go home to your grandparents and tell them about you? How do I face them? Then what do I do about your daddy?”

 The thought of referring to Chadwick as their daddy made you smile and your heart flutter. It filled you with warmth and more than half of you liked calling him that. He was their father. They had half his DNA and would probably look something like him. You hadn’t thought much about anything beyond being pregnant and having a lot going on. This was the first time you began to think about the secondary things.

 “He has rights, I know that. I don’t want to take them away. I just—he’s so famous and he’ll be even more famous. His career takes him everywhere, how do I know that he can be there for us? You, I mean for you. This has nothing to do with me. Right?”

 The sound of your doorbell broke you out of your monologue. As you walked down the stairs you continued to rub your belly enjoying the kicks, pushes and slithers you felt. It was strange to feel movement inside of you but it wasn’t something that made your skin crawl, it did the opposite. When you looked at the video of the front doorbell you smiled seeing your friends.

 “My God, could you have taken any longer?”

 “Excuse me, I am pregnant and carrying more weight.”

 The three of them walked in past you and made a line straight for the kitchen where you knew the wine was.

 “Girl please, you’re barely pregnant, and the only more weight you’re carrying is that ass,” Ebony teased. You smiled and dipped down to do a baby twerk. The three of them cheered loudly as you fanned them off.

 Once the three of you were seated around your kitchen island Zee was the one to pop the top off the wine bottle.

 “It’s barely three Zee.”

 “Three in LA means it’s well past five in New York,” she responded pouring the golden liquid in their three glasses.

 “None for you baby mama,” Tessa said as she slid a can of apple Izze your way. You rolled your eyes, popped the top and took a sip.

 “I didn’t want any wine anyway.”

 “How are you doing? You’re getting bigger.” Ebony’s hand flew to your belly and rubbed your bump.

 “I’m okay. I am. I think I’m going to have to go into maternity in the next week or two.”

 “Six months, with twins I’d say there are many women who would be jealous at that fact,” Tessa added.

 “What’s going on with the father?”

 “Zee, you can say his name he’s not the damn Candyman. Jesus, Chadwick Boseman. I still can’t believe you met, and popped that pussy for Chadwick Boseman in record time and came away with two souvenirs of your time together. Girl, talk about luck,” Ebony went on.

 “Luck?”

 “Yes, there are plenty of women who would love to be in your position, hell any of the positions he had you in.”

 The three of them snickered and you shook your head but couldn’t keep the smirk off your face.

 “If they wanna be me so bad, go ahead. This is messy.”

 “Have you heard from him since he showed up here to catch you with your new boo?”

 “Another thing, who dates and has a boo while being six months pregnant?”

 You narrowed your eyes at Ebony. She quickly raised her hands in surrender.

 “First of all, I don’t have a boo. Things with Chino are—over. We had a talk after Chad showed up here and he wants to take a step back, he thinks I don’t know what I want and that I should focus on figuring it out.

 “Smart man,” Tessa murmured.

 “So, Chino is out of the picture. I can’t even blame him for not wanting anything to do with me. I’m having babies with Chadwick Boseman.”

 “He knows he can’t compete with The Bleck Pantha,” Ebony chided in her best Wakanda accent. You rolled your eyes; you’d just about had it with her. Zee and Tessa snickered together.

 “Ebony.”

 Again, she raised her hands in defeat. You knew she’d pipe up again with something else to say that was slick and smart.

 “Chad and I spoke, I told him everything and apologized for not telling him sooner.”

 “How did he take it?”

 You finished the can of Izze and went to the fridge for another and took the bowl of cut strawberries out as well.

 “He took it well. There was no yelling or screaming, or tears. It was a calm conversation—surpisingly calm considering.”

 “Anything decided? Does he want to be involved with his babies? Are the two of you going to I don’t know make a relationship?”

 “Will you be moving in with him?”

 Their questions hit you in the face one after the other like slabs of ice. They were questions you hadn’t thought about and definitely hadn’t even addressed. They were way ahead of the game.

 “Guys, chill. We didn’t decide anything. He asked me if I wanted him involved and I had no answer for him.”

 “What the hell you mean you had no answer? Si.” Ebony gaped at you ready to elaborate her outrage but the stern look on your face shut her up.

 “What did you tell him then?”

 “I said I don’t know. Guys, I really don’t know. I know he has rights and all that but not everyone who has kids should be involved with them.”

 “True, but if a man is willing, able and wanting to be there for his offspring, you have an obligation to allow him, especially a black man. Remember those statistics and stereotypes are a thing. He doesn’t want to be part of the fray,” Tessa explained. She was speaking nothing but facts, you knew it.

 “He didn’t say he wanted to be involved. He was clearly in shock. It was a lot to hear and absorb, still pregnant, over five months so, pregnant with twins. It was a lot. We left things with both of us needing to think and really figure out what we each want.”

 “What do you want Sianna?” Zee’s voice was gentle and her hands soft as she held one of yours. You took a deep breath and slowly released it. You didn’t know any more now than you did two weeks ago.

 “I got nothin.”

 “Okay, this was a productive chat.” Ebony rolled her eyes, finished her glass of wine and shook her head. “It’s okay to say you want to be with him. You know that right? It’s okay to want to experience this with him. You can be strong and independent together.”

 “Ebony is right. I know those are foreign words when using her name but in this particular situation, she is right. There is nothing wrong with figuring it out together,” Tessa breeched.

 “I have an idea. Maybe the two of you should spend some time together. It will give both of you an opportunity to get to know each other better hence seeing where the two of you are mentally. It should give you some form of an idea what would work and hopefully, that will make it easier to figure out.”

 The four of you sat there thinking about Zee’s idea. It was a good one, a really good one. The kicks began again, and you touched your belly. “You guys wanna feel?”

 All hands flew to your belly and the next ten minutes were spent oohing and aahing over the kicks. After the four of you burrowed into the couches and found a Netflix movie while discussing baby stuff. They were excited for the babies and it showed with how long they were able to talk about it without even mentioning a club or even any of their latest conquests. The more you listened to them the more excited you became.

By the time seven rolled around they’d left and you were alone again. This time you were sitting in your tub trying to get a head start on your schedule for the next day while getting distracted with baby websites. You’d just finished your second bottle of the cherry limonatta you’d just gotten into drinking. It gave you the fizz and sweetness of wine without the alcohol. Who knew knocking the wine for nine months would be such a challenge? That was when your mind ran onto Chadwick. In truth, he wasn’t far from your mind at any given moment. You had his spawn growing in you and they’d been very active today.  

 You chewed your bottom lip and opened a new browser window on your iPad and entered his name in google. Yes, you knew about him, who didn’t, but you didn’t know everything. You were curious. As the search results populated the first one caught your eye; an image of him with a brown-skinned woman. You squinted and you could have sworn you’d seen her from somewhere. You tried to think back to where it could have been but for the life of you, you couldn’t place her face. You clicked the article and skimmed its contents. Her name was Simone and they were dating, or they had until at least a couple months ago. You wondered what happened and if you’d had anything to do with it.

 You continued to go through the search results and read through the first page of articles. You’d found out his upcoming roles, recent interviews, and even learned a little more about what was going on between him and Valentina. Every time you saw a picture of them together you wanted to vomit. After thirty or so minutes you’d gotten a lot of information and you’d come to the conclusion that he seemed to be a pretty good guy. Your iPad was now stopped on a very good shot of him. He was a good-looking man.

 Suddenly your iPad went off making you shriek and jump nearly dropping it into the lukewarm water. Chadwick’s name appeared. You froze unsure exactly what to do. After the third ring, you recovered and tapped the green answer button. His face appeared in a dewy white light. Without thinking you sucked your bottom lip into your mouth admiring his handsomeness.

 “Hi.”

 “Hi,” you repeated on a whisper.

 “Is it late? Am I interrupting? Did I wake you?”

 “No, no, you’re not interrupting. I was awake, just sitting in the bath.”

 Chadwick’s eyebrow shot up as he looked below your face. You looked at your image checking to make sure you weren’t turning this into soft porn. The frame caught the cleavage of your breasts but nothing provocative. He’d seen this before. Chadwick shook his head and brought his eyes back to yours.

 “Uh—I’m sorry.”

 “It’s fine. No harm, no foul.”

 Silence fell between you. The two of you just sat there looking over each other’s faces. The silence didn’t feel awkward at all.

“Are you doing okay?”

 “Yeah, I’m okay. We’re okay.”

 “Do you need anything? Pickles, ice cream, hot wings?”

 You snorted and pinched your lips, he thought he was funny with all the pregnant woman clichés.

 “Those are a lot of clichés sir.”

 “I mean clichés had to start somewhere right?”

 You nodded and leaned back, your body coming down from the anxiety it was in.

 “I don’t crave pickles, the only accurate thing there was the ice cream and hot wings. I’ve also recently started wanted a lot of chocolate-covered strawberries. I can’t seem to get enough which spells trouble for my ass.”

 Chadwick smiled and rubbed his hand along his goatee.

 “This is the one time you can unapologetically adhere to the eating for two phrase, so why not?”

 “Well, eating for three if you want to be accurate.”

 “See, play that shit up.”

 You laughed loud, it echoed through your bathroom. Chadwick joined in and you remembered his deep boisterous laugh that was all unique to him. It was a laugh you first heard in Jamaica across the beach before he approached and danced with you. It was a great laugh. Slowly your laughs died down and again the two of you just stared at each other.

 “Do you uh—do you have a good supply of ice cream, hot wings, and chocolate-covered strawberries?”

 You were tempted to read between the lines but decided against it.

 “Finished the strawberries today, you can never have enough a supple of ice cream or hot wings.”

 He nodded and licked his lips. Your eyes dropped to them and again you remembered the feel of them and how he kissed you. You couldn’t remember their taste though. It had been that long.

 “Would it be all right if we met up?”

 “Met up?”

 “Yeah, I thought maybe we could do something, talk.”

 It sounded like he was asking you out on a date, but it also didn’t sound like he was asking you out on a date.

 “Something like what?”

 “Well, I like to stay away from most places in LA.”

 “I can imagine, the Bleck Pentha gets recognized wherever he goes.”

 Chadwick smiled again but looked away as if he were embarrassed. “Go on laugh it up. Get it out.” You smiled and watched him and spoke on pure instinct without thinking.

 “You can come here.”

 The silence returned and Chadwick just gazed at you and looked as if he were in deep thought. You were holding your breath unsure what his answer would be.

“Are you sure?”

 “Uh—I mean only if you want to. If you don’t then I completely understand. You don’t have to; I’m not trying to force you,” you rushed out in an effort to cover yourself.

 “No, no, I never said I don’t want to. I know you’re not trying to force me. I do want to,” Chadwick rushed out overlapping your voice.

 “You do?” The uncertainty in your voice was evident. You were surprised.

 “I mean—yeah.”

 You smiled small but it took no time at all for it to spread across your face.

 “Okay, sounds like a plan then. We’ll—Netflix and Chill.”

 Chadwick’s eyebrows shot up again and you realized what you’d just said.

 “Oh my god. Wait, I didn’t mean that the way it came out.”

 He laughed his hearty laugh again and you gave you a “yeah right” look. 

“Oh my god, I’m serious. Jesus, I’ll see you in a bit.”

 You ended the call to Chadwick’s laughter. You put your iPad to the side and shook your head, mortified at your tongue slip. 

~~~~~~~~~~

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[commonalex]

Broken Nose

-Oh my, a talking fox!

-Oh my, a talking fattie!

-Wait, what?

   I don’t know what else I could expect coming down here from the tower today. I had this bad feeling stepping into the woods for the first time. It was really on the nose.

-He he, “on the nose”. Never gets old!

-Huh?

   The fox keeps on giggling but maybe not on purpose. Judging by the dirty yellowish fur and the burnt patches on its weak body, you could say this creature has seen better days.

-Uhhh girl? Still here. I can hear, you know.

   Wherever this fox was (before it comes to horrify me) the fire must’ve get it just in time, but it doesn’t look like hurting. On the contrary, the fox is playfully stretching like a cat on the dirt. I guess I seem so damn funny (or pathetic) for it to dare to come so near. Not that I would mind some chit chat at the time, I haven’t spoke to a person (or whatever that is) for far too long. But the way it follows me around with this sarcastic laugh rubs me the wrong way.

-Come on now, foxxy, I’m seriously busy right now. I can’t afford spending time with you. Stay away and no one gets hurt, nosey.

“Nosey”? Ha ha! It’s like you already know!

-Whatever.

   I throw middle fingers and keep on my route putting in and out the batteries of my walkie talkie. No luck. Dad (or whoever was talking at the frequency I was catching from the tower) didn’t speak a word again and of course no one’s around here as far as I can see. So I already had my misery, but I guess I should come down here to play hide and seek besides still life. Thank god it’s still afternoon with the sun beaming through the trees so I am not scared shitless yet.

But still, the fire keeps on burning whatever is on its way and no one bothers if I’m burned alive or not one of those days. So here comes the panic again. I’m climbing a tree to see the valley burning a bit better, while screaming furiously on the walkie talkie in case signal comes up. I scream my lungs out, touch my throat, lose balance, slip of the trunk and fall face first. When I managed to get up blood was pouring off my nose like a fountain. I guess I knew better when I was staying in the watch tower picking my…

-...”nose”, huh? He he he. You are funny, but you really don’t listen.

   I turn around to stare at the fox in a way so it gets the message and run away from me but here it is with its eyes shining like it’s waiting for something. I walk slowly to a direction, here it is following me, here it is talking shit about me, here it is turning to go somewhere else, here I am trying to catch her from going towards the fire, and we’re back at the start. Fuck it, I say. I let her leave to stop worrying. And that’s how I get lost in here. You see, all this time I had the smoke as compass and with all this chasing I failed to notice that the fumes scattered all over the place. I raise my head to see the sun radiating this weird red-like colors. Why on earth am I still here?

-Does anybody listen on this channel? I know some of you do. Dad, can you hear me? I’m the fire lookout and try to find you all this time. If you hear me, tell me your location so I can get to you. Copy?

   I’d be damned if this walkie talkie thingy is even necessary at this point. They have probably gone deaf by my stupid screaming.

-Just hoping you understand how futile this is. It’s like the thousandth time I tell you that at this exact point, but I have my hopes that one day you will stop doing this. Mainly to yourself. Just like I have my hopes that you will stop wearing shorts that make your thighs look unevenly thick.

-Can you please help me with your mouth shut? All it takes is a second to become human torches. I don’t need your kind of silly attitude.

-Pardon me? What attitude. I said what I said for your own good. But I don’t judge you. Spending all this time trapped in here, no wonder why your brain got a bit rusty.

-Trapped?

   The fox’s looking at me head to toes, sighs and sits in front of me waiting for something once again. What, exactly? No idea, but I wish it would be something that would take my guilt away and leave this thing get baked. It would smell like cooked fox all over to the watch tower.

-Highly doubt you could smell anything with a nose that fucked up.

-Shut-your-god-damn-mouth.

   I get caught off guard by the walkie talkie screeching with an incomprehensible voice. I don’t get much, just small phrases like “wish you could hear me” or “one sign of life” and such. All enough to hear my dad on this. I press to reply with my hands shaking by the stress. I keep on losing him, without ever getting my voice across. Signal worsens, but if I can hear him that must mean he is somewhere around here, right? But what if he is somewhere near the fire? I’m mic screaming “DAD JUST TELL ME IF YOU’RE HERE” like a ten year old and that’s where I lose all contact.

   Trying to catch a breath on a treat I get blood in my mouth (which has got everywhere and made me look sick) and burst into tears. I feel finished. I watch the ash raining down on my from the coal black slope on my right and I’m feeling shaky once again. I don’t even know if I’m crying being here all alone or because by the next few meters I could see my dad… You know how. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I see something like that.

-Come on, girl, please, don’t say that. I’ve listened to you say that like a hundred times and every time my heart is screaming for mercy. Come, get up.

Barely even remembered the fox is there all along.

-What do you want from me?

-Dunno. Company? A little adventure? This boredom you feel all this time on that watch tower all alone, I get that too. But you only make us the favor to come down here and spend time when you catch your dad on the radio. Only then I really have something to do.

-So you have seen me up there?

-If I seen you? What else could a fox occupy it’s mind inside those fucked up woods than stalk a fire lookout in her fourties? You know, playing with the binoculars, searching up radio frequencies, drinking beer and listening to the same music all day from her cd player? Is there anything better around here?

-What forties? I’m seventeen.

-Well I’m telling you, you absolutely are in your thirties at least.

-Why do I even bother.

   But chatting with the fox really makes you forget, whatever bs you have to endure. And you have to endure a lot. And a lot of stuff the fox says are disses that don’t make much sense. However company is very much needed at this point, inside a dirt pool filling up with ash and red smoke.

-I’m not here to make your life difficult.

-I don’t even know why you’re here. And how come you talk? If that’s not too much.

-Why are you stuck on these questions by now? You do this every time. Even though that’s the first time I see fire getting that big around here. And to be fair you got lost in the woods too early this time. And to be honest I’m kinda like a baby boy right now, asking for his mama, cause I have no clue what the hell is going on.

-”Baby boy”? Are you male?

   He looks at me with the most dead and disappointed stare a fox could ever have. I don’t know why I assumed he was a girl. But since he can hear me in my head, I apologize for perpetuating those kind of stereotypes. My bad. Ok? The fox nods as agreeing. we are ok.

   During all that I forgot I had the walkie talkie on my back pocket so when it started “whistling” again I got shivers. Trying to hold it with my shaky fingers I drop it like the useless scum I am. Even the fox gave me a disappointed look.

   The signal was better this time. I could hear for about five minutes non stop before I tried (with no luck) to respond. This is for sure not my dad. Those weird fast paced accents that invade the back of my ears are definitely from my mother. She even said her catchphrase “look at your own lil princess”.

“...should we keep on putting up a show anymore, darling?”.

“I’m tired. You wanna hear me say it? I say it right now.“.

“...I don’t understand? So am I the bad one and the heartless bitch once again?”.

“...please accept the bitter reality. We really missed the boat...”.

And then silence again.

   Same attitude, same lines played out a thousand times in the kitchen or in front of people. The same arguing over and over again with dad. The reason was always dumb, but her voice here doesn’t seem so irritating. Something serious must have happened for my dead mommy to cry like a pig.

-No crying? So you’re over it?

-Don’t know.

-I get it, we’re still at the point where you adapt to all this. We have a little bit of walking left till you have to get back.

-Tell me, what’s this thing you seem to know but I don’t?

-We know the same. I’m just here as a reminder, like an alarm clock of some sort. You know, like that fox alarm clock you had besides your bed when you were younger? Do you remember? You even brought it to the watch tower. Weird to have an alarm clock if you’re waking up at noon, though. You a freaking fire lookout, woman.

   It was a while until my brain got to work again. The fox was right, he is just like that alarm clock I have since a kid. How did I not see it before? And what does that mean now? Well, we know we won’t get any further just by asking. I don’t know if what I feel about that creature is trust, intimacy or curiosity. And those enigmatic stuff he throws here and there get tiresome. We walk and chit chat without noticing the orange fog swallowing everything within a meter around us. All we see in front of us now are burnt tree trunks and melting animals. All of them teddy bears I had while being a baby potato. If my heartbeat wasn’t hitting those three digits I would get goosebumps right now.

   I’m covering mouth and nose with my hand and try to guess where the fox is, as he’s running in circles stunned. He doesn’t seem to care if we find my parents before we all get barbecued anymore. He is too busy looking somehow concerned at all this damaged landscape.

-Tell me, how long have you seen me in secret? Spent all the summer over there and I never saw a single soul besides you right now, my secret admirer.

-Are you serious? What summer? Get it together. We wasted our young years here. But what am I even saying and basically to whom. Sometimes I wish I had your luck playing in this kind of playground. You could say disconnection from the environment has its moments.

-I’m volunteering for the summer, that’s all. It was written on the papers I signed, too. I think.

-Wait… Is that it?

-After all that I’m going back home to find out if where I’m studying by September. It’s pretty much over.

-...so this was it all along? Disconnecting? -Wait, did I take the entrance exams? My brain just froze.

-Would you shut up about your exams? Something’s wrong.

-How could I forget exams, though? After all this studying?

-Oh man. We really are in deep shit and now’s the time for you to turn your nose up at what is happening.

-Oh, here we go with these nose jokes again.

-No, no. Didn’t mean it in a literal way. That was unfortun… Ah, you get it, right?

-Maybe that’s why there’s not a single soul down here. You must’ve killed them all with your crap.

-I don’t have a good feeling about this. Our routine feels off. We have done this walk so many times and something’s not quite ok right now. It seems as if we’re stuck at the same place for hours and I guess…

-”Guess” what…?

-...we’re lost. I guess.

   Oh-you-don’t-say. When you spend so much time fucking with a broken person’s nerves, you tend miss what’s happening. We’re technically blind and we just go around for hours. Are we running away from the fire? Going straight at it? Only god know, because everything turned brown around here. We’re bumping trees and get shitless when we step on those blackened teddy bear bellies. I don’t lose my chance of cursing out the fox for driving us here, but all he cares about it digging holes while “trying to find our designated course”. That’s how we spend our next hour. Or maybe more since my watch stopped.

-How much battery is left in the walkie talkie?

-One line. And I swear I had it full, just like every time.

-”Just like every time”?

-Every time I climb down the watch tower to get here.

   The fox leaves the digging on the side and looks at me with his eyes wide open. My brain gets stuck for a moment and before he gets to respond I get vertigo. When I return to normal he keeps on asking again and again if I “know”, as if I get what he is trying to say. I’m searching for the sun above us to make everything around me stop flickering, but no luck, so I have the fox right beside me irritating me with these questions while I’m throwing up.

-Oh boy, you really don’t listen. That’s it, we’re going back. Now.

-Back where? I have my parents over here!

-You play the fool all this time. We have to go back to the starting point, don’t you get it? With you at the watch tower listening to your parents on the radio, coming down to the woods and find me while breaking your nose. Dunno how more fucked up your nose can be than right now, but we might save our asses.

-You are the most irritating talking fox I’ve ever seen.

-Wow, that’s a lot. Now give me the walkie talkie.

-Stop, YOU’RE GONNA BREAK IT!

-WOULD YOU STOP THE BULLSHIT SO WE CAN SAVE OURSELVES?

-DON’T.

   The walkie talkie slips, falls upon some cracked branches and shutters to a million pieces. Our eyes are glued to the ground, scanning for every piece in case we lose it. Time suddenly hits the brake, the orange fog from before has grown to this sick deep red light from the sun that sets down the edge of the valley as if we are in literal hell. Is this it?

-Nah. Not yet at least.

-Cut it out.

-Sure.

   I’m paralysed. My head can’t get through this twisted procedure anymore; days are marching one after another as the same exact instance being copied again and again. I tried so much to resist but my “job” here stopped helping a long time ago. Every bit on me seems hurt and rough. How long was I force to see everything slowly catch fire as I try to not get burnt alive? I could never know. All I know is how much washed out I feel here. Breaking my face, getting lost and playing chase with flames while asking for my dad through a stupid walkie talkie. Not that I ever need it to hear him. I got him right beside my ear all the time.

Even now.

“Stop acting like that, you’re an old man. It’s like you think I’m not in pain myself.”.

“But is it so easy for you?”.

“You think I’m not suffering inside? We’re in the same boat and we’re sinking.”.

“And what is she stood up right now? Looking at you and asking you what were we discussing just before?”.

“Twenty years, dear. Twenty years talking ‘bout the same damn things. Our daughter is gone, don’t you listen to the doctors? Am I wasting away on my own? Am I struggling to keep up with money by myself just to keep on hoping? Why are you doing this? Why in front of others, dear?”.

“I won’t bear this. I can’t bear this.”.

“It’s time to let her rest, us too. Or whatever is left there...”.

“Don’t cry, damn it. Don’t you see I’m holding it myself?”.

   That’s my mom. Stiff as one can be at first just to breakdown in the end. Now my dad must hug her with those big ass arms until she eventually calms down. What I’d do to see them now, even though they must got so old through all those years.

   When my mother stopped sobbing I wiped my eyes and saw the fire waiting ten steps away. Clothes, shoes, all of them slowly melt and drop to the boiling ground. I take the fox in my arms and run away in case we can get saved somehow. The fox doesn’t seem to have much time left. All I see is burnt fur and burst open skin. I barely have the courage to look at his face with this bloody tongue and two concerning little eyes.

-Can you still talk?

-As much as you can run.

   He knows what he’s talking about. My body is slowing growing heavy and lags to respond. We are really dead meat.

-So nothing in here is real, huh? It’s all in my head.

-Does it matter? The point was to get a bit away from all of this. To stretch this as much as possible, until you wake up or until you… You know…

   I’m not forcing the conversation any more. I’m grateful for his stance amidst all this chaos. He looks at me and nods to seal the mutual understanding. I smile and the saltiness from the tears and the blood goes right into my mouth. Awkward yet suitable.

   When my feet start to sink from the upward sprint up the hill, the watch tower is finally revealed about a hundred meters away.

-A little bit of patience, we’re here.

-All of this is so unnecessary. We’re gonna be consumed by the fire in the end.

-I need to talk to them. Last try. Promise.

-As if we had more.

   The rusty ladder moans while I climb it with the fox on my right soldier. The door of the tower room slams by the wind and all the glass windows are shattered with dust pilling up all the way to my knee. All the beer can thrown out, all the books and cds buried; only the desk with the main radio got away through all this. I lie down the fox on a corner of the bed and I examine the completely fucked up world outside. Everything is red and everything flickers in the flames. It’s a matter of minutes now.

   I plug the radio and fix the antenna that gets dragged by the wind outside. The fox is watching me like he wants to make sure I do everything right. I make a weird gesture with my hand to reassure him during his last moments and he smiles. Then I play with the mic switch in my hands due to awkwardness. How much time do I have left? Judging the fire coming close to the window I kinda get the idea. But it seems I don’t need this kind of boogieman anymore to live and move in here; just patience. So I’m looking the frequencies one by one, calling and waiting for a response.

-I don’t know if you can hear me, maybe you escaped. Old people don’t particularly stand those situations. I just called for the sake of it. I called to say it’s ok and I understand, dad. And please tell the other not to whine and be bitter. The only thing missing right now is one last hug with you. If only I could feel a touch on my hand, damn it. Anyway, I’m tired. Be strong. I have no idea if, but I wish we meet again someday. Somewhere by the sea if it’s easy. So much desolation and so much pine, I can’t stand it anymore.

   It’s like I had it written down with the words flowing so easily. I repeated them about twenty or thirty times out loud until my mouth went completely dry. I turn off the mic and look at the flame waving me from every direction. I wave back.

-We’ve said it well, even though no one got to hear it. The most beautiful in vain gesture ever.

How poetic. Didn’t know he had it in him.

   I leave the radio in a frequency full of white noise to scratch my ears to oblivion. I don’t wanna hear my head go off until they reply back. Afterwards I give a tight hug to the fox with all power I have left to a point I think I’m strangling him. He doesn’t flinch, he understands. We sigh together and watch in slow motion the whole process. Fire knocking on the door to come in, surrounding everything, painting them all with a different color as I leave my sweat (and something more) on this cheap mattress. Maybe they didn’t get my message, I think, and I’m kinda holding a grudge at myself. Maybe if I had another chance I wouldn’t waste so much time. Maybe I could even wake up and see them, even if that meant I would die right after. Talk about bad luck, twenty years here and the alarm clock never get me out of bed once. My nerves. I have so much anger I could a person right now. I swear if someone would close my nostrils right now I’d explode from rage.

-So much for breaking your nose, I guess.

-For the love of god SHUT UP.

[greekowl87]

Fic: Weight of the World

A/N: I wrote this within a day with very little editing. I guess bad anxiety and insomnia make great muses for writing. Sorry for any typos. No beta as I rushed to write this. Post IWTB before the separation in season 10. P.S. Smutish if not smutlight. Just a heads up.

Scully was not one to let her anxiety or nerves show. 

As a child, she kept her emotions inward and was a private person. In college and med school, she kept her head down to excel at the top of her class. At the FBI academy, she stood head to head with her male cohort and continued to excel with her own merits. At Quantico, no one questioned Dr. Scully. It wasn’t until Mulder that something changed in her. At first, she tried to show him that she was no spy and she was more than capable. But things evolved and shifted and she was his equal. She was simply Scully and she found her emotional armor chinked away over the years. She could finally be herself with him. Years in the field battling alien conspiracies, years on the run, and years living together had not changed them. So she thought.

Ever since Mulder regained his freedom after they helped the FBI, Scully began to see him less and less. A part of her was happy that he was no longer a prisoner but another part of her envied him. It was as if him being a fugitive was the only thing that kept him from running off and forgetting about her.

There it was. That feeling of being left behind. That anxiety that had been growing over the past month that she was struggling to keep hidden away. It gnawed at her and ached like an insufferable pain that could not be cured. She found herself waking more and more in the night. Mulder’s insomnia had somehow transmitted to her once he regained his freedom and she began to feel trapped. Work no longer held the same enjoyment it once did. She started to come back to an empty home with Mulder finally chasing down leads and meeting the contacts from his MUFON forums in person down in Richmond.

When Scully was first assigned to be his partner, it took months to keep him from running off without her. Now, sixteen years later, it was happening all over again.

Despite all this, everything imploded after tonight. She came home to an empty house that evening after a disastrous dinner at her mother’s house. Bill announced in anger over Tara shouting at him, Matthew trying to hush his younger siblings, that Bill was being transferred to Germany to get away from all the family BS. His words, not hers. Charlie and his wife were shouting right back. Maggie Scully caught hopelessly in the middle trying to placate her feuding sons. And that left Dana Scully, somehow silently caught up in the family fight, alone (because Mulder was elsewhere), listening to the random barb dropped in regards to her life choices. Her mother watched helplessly as her sons and their families left in a whirlwind and the sad smile Maggie Scully gave her remaining daughter, wishing her a good evening and not to worry. That night just made her feel even more alone.

By the time she drove back to Virginia, Mulder’s truck was still missing in the driveway. Their house was eerily silent. And that was what caused the dam to break. The ache in her chest, the anxiety that made her want to claw at her skin, came out with silent tears. 

She climbed the old wooden steps, the third step from the top creaking loudly, as she ascended to disappear into their bedroom. She thought about maybe taking a bath but decided it was too much effort. Instead, she changed into a large t-shirt and soft cotton pajama pants and crawled into their bed. Scully pulled a frayed cotton quilt around her like a cocoon and just let herself cry.

A physician in the 18th century would have diagnosed her was pangs in the chest. Pangs. Suffering. To be sorrowful. Was she said.? Or was it the anxiety? She balled her fists, her nails digging into the palms of her hands, as she tried to force herself to breathe. This was not something Dana Scully did. Her rational mind recognized the signs of an anxiety attack but she was also angry and hurt. Why did she feel this way? What the hell was causing it? She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, her heart drumming in her ears, and counted silently to four. She tried to ease her breath out slowly but it came out too quickly.

She couldn’t breathe. In a last-ditch effort, she hugged a pillow to her chest and willed herself to steady her breath. This didn’t happen to her. She didn’t panic. She didn’t have anxiety. She was stronger than that.

When she opened her eyes, Scully didn’t know how much time had passed when she heard the downstairs door slam shut and Mulder’s voice calling for her. Did she fall asleep? How much time had passed? Was it already night?

Scully willed herself to move, to get out of bed, and pretend everything was a-okay. That’s what Mulder expected. That is what the rest of the world expected. But her body rebelled and she stayed right in bed. She could hear his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. That loud third step from the top sounded like an alarm. 

Panic. 

Fear. 

Pretend you're asleep, she thought.

“Scully?” His voice was soft. “You awake?” She didn’t respond, trying to keep the ruse going. But something must’ve given it away. “Scully, have you been crying?” Another pause. “I know you aren’t asleep.”

“Fine,” she muttered, twisting her back to him.

“That doesn’t sound like your regular fine. How was your mother’s?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Typically that was enough and he would leave her alone but not this time. She felt the bed dip and he sat on his side so he could look at her. Scully huffed and turned her back to him so she faced the window.  “You’re cute when you are angry but it’s painful to see you hurting.”

“I’m not hurting.”

“You know, once upon a time, I used to a profiler at the FBI and they used to pay me to do this work,” Mulder joked.

“Stop profiling me then.”

“It was a joke. Scully, look at me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Mulder traced her cheek and she closed her eyes, feeling fresh tears. He gently peeled back the blanket and traced her arm. “Nothing’s wrong.” She bawled her fist again in frustration. “Mulder, please. I’m fine.”

He ignored her and pried open her fist to take her hand. Like a small child, she tried to pull away. “This isn’t you,” he whispered. “Scully, what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”

She shook her head defiantly. He took a deep breath and curled up behind her and drew the old quilt she had been using around them. “We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” he whispered. “We can just lay here.”

At that moment, whether it was just the sensation of Mulder surrounding her, not being alone, or both, she cried harder. He pressed his hand to her chest over her heart. “I’m here. Scully, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. What happened at your mother’s tonight? Is it work? Is it something else? More than once you pulled me together, let me return the favor, but I can’t if you don’t tell me.”

One of the longest minutes of her life passed before she answered. “No, I’m not okay, Mulder.”

“Tell me.”

“Work. My family. Us. Me. Everything.”

She wished the bed would open up to a hole to China so that she could fall into it. Maybe from China, she could travel to Australia and live a different life. “Everything,” he repeated.

“Everything.”

He took a deep breath and her anxiety dissipated slightly feeling him around her, safe and secure. “Well,” he sighed.  “Let’s begin with your mother’s dinner.”

She laughed bitterly. “A clusterfuck. I don’t even remember what the argument was about. Charlie and his wife stormed off. Bill started yelling as Tara stood by terrified. He’s getting transferred to Germany. And me? It was like I didn’t even exist.”

He nuzzled behind her ear. “I don’t know about that but I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t think so,” she whispered. 

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I don’t know anymore, Mulder.”

“Okay. What about work?”

She shrugged weakly. “Okay. The thing I have avoided: us.”

“It’s nothing, Mulder.”

“It’s something to cause whatever this is,” he whispered.

In the silence, they lay together. Scully closed her eyes trying to memorize the sensations of being held by him and just feeling safe for a moment. “Do you remember at the beginning of our partnership? When you tried to always run off without me?”

“I didn’t trust you then,” he whispered. “But yes, I remember.”

“It feels like that again.”

Scully’s confession striked him as odd. He rubbed her arms and kissed her again. “What do you mean?”

“It sounds selfish.”

“Try me.”

She shifted and turned to face him. “When you were home,” she started, “well, still a fugitive...I always knew you would be here. Maybe I am being selfish but I miss knowing you are going to be here when I get home. When I come home, the house is empty. Lonely. We talk but we don’t talk. Does that make sense? It feels like we are living two separate lives. You are running off without me.”

“I thought you wanted to keep the darkness out of our life.”

“Not at the expense of losing you, Mulder.”

He closed his eyes and bent his forehead to rest against hers. “If I could take away this anxiety and pain that you have, I would in a heartbeat. You aren’t going to lose me. It’s going to be okay. You have to trust me.”

“You know what I miss most of all, Mulder? This. Just this moment with us.” She sighed as if a great pain had been relieved as he began to run his hand up and down her arm, over her face, and then under her shirt. She closed her eyes. “At the end of the day, it’s just us against the world.”

“Hasn’t it always been like that, Scully?” He rolled her gently onto her back and kissed her gently. “You’re starting to relax.”

She closed her eyes despite herself. “You were always the best drug. But this feels like a band-aid at best. I’m still scared. I am worried.”

“Don’t be. We have a life together.”

“Do we?” She opened her eyes and blinked lazily. “Mulder?”

“It seems we both need a reminder.”

Scully relished his touch as he pulled her shirt above her head and began to kiss her breast bone. She relaxed into the pillows and closed her eyes praying that nothing would take him again from her. The anxiety she had festering for the past month vanished under his lips and she shivered. “Mulder,” she murmured. 

Her fingers raked through his hair slowly as he found her lips again and, unrushed, enjoyed his ministrations. This was something that a couple did after many years of being together. Unrushed and unhurried, they relished their closeness. For once, their unspoken communication reigned supreme and she pushed against him. Scully felt her anxiety falling away. 

“This isn’t a band-aid,” he whispered between kisses. “This is real.” His hand snaked downwards and she became jelly under him. “All this is real. If the world feels like it is shattering around us, we’ll still have us, Scully.”

Scully found it odd that her body felt so ready after so little. Her anxiety must've run her down to nothing. “Shirt off,” she ordered softly.

He arched his bag as she tore off his shirt with practiced ease. Skin against skin, they sighed in contentment. “All or nothing, Scully.”

What an odd turn of events, she thought. A simple reunion of their bodies and spirits and all was well. Was that how it worked? As she let her thoughts drift, Mulder stripped away the remains of their clothes. With a few quick strokes, he entered and joined her. Any doubt and anxiety Scully had left evaporated in a fiery death as she hugged him close and wrapped her legs around his waist. It did not take much as both cried out in unison and sheer emotion ebbed away. He held her close and continued to kiss her leisurely. “You don’t have to be Atlas, Scully. Let me be your Heracles and carry the weight of the world for a while.”

Scully smiled. She let her anxiety go and decided, yet again, to just enjoy the moment. It may be just a band-aid but Mulder was the best drug. “Love you,” she whispered sleepily.

“We’ll be okay, Scully. Just you see.” 

Mulder’s voice was heavy with sleep. Emotionally exhausted, she let herself forget and sleep as he kissed her lovingly and whispered they were forever.

[thetaurusgeminisystem]

A to Z 30 day Challenge “Hunkle Grunkle edition”

Day #1 – Age

Part 1 of 2

Ford & Winifred

 The early morning hours are no stranger to them because of the harm that comes from the unhealthy circadian rhythm. A rhythm that was forever rendered an anomaly in its self-due to the disease that most people currently knew as insomnia. Of course, neither party dared to acknowledge it, especially without some sort of wake-up juice.

It was an early winter morning aboard the Stan – O – War, a vessel that came from a childhood dream originally. The best part of this whole situation was that after forty odd years of pining after one another they were finally together. From the perspective of an outsider, someone could have guessed that these two had been married for those forty years, that was just how well they knew each other. They were in sync in a way that Stan would joke would be “Weird nerdy BS”.  

Winifred had been the first one out on the deck of the vessel this morning. She had been lying awake in her bunk since about 4:30 am but had not dared to get up because she feared of waking Ford up. Her reasoning for this was because Ford already didn’t get sleep as it was so she knew she would feel guilty for keeping her boyfriend awake over something dumb as a dream. When she tried to just ignore it and go back to sleep by cuddling up close to Ford again, it just wouldn’t leave her alone.

The dream made her begin to think about how much time her and Ford had lost over the thirty years apart, the dream was a replay of the fateful night when she had been dumb enough to try and save McGucket without something to anchor her into their dimension. It made her realize how much the two had grown and changed over the thirty years. The pit of regret being in stomach now because she was too old to bear her beloved any children, a problem that Stan and Raina might not face due to Raina’s strange alien anatomy.

“Fuck I wish I had told him sooner. Maybe our lives would be different.”

She mumbles to herself as she watches the calm ocean waves and other boats that went in and out of the Scottish port that they were currently in. She sat on the edge of deck, her legs dangling over the side and her arms slumped along the railing of the ship. These thoughts were also accompanied by something that happened the other night when she had gone with Raina and the boys to one of pubs. She saw a younger girl that kept trying to flirt with Ford when he went to bar to get them all a drink and it made her heart sink.

“Wouldn’t he be much happier with a younger beauty and not a grumpy old broad like me?”

She mumbled out again under her breath. It made her wonder what she could truly even offer Stanford at this age, she was beyond her prime and too old for much of anything really. She didn’t dare bring these feelings up with anyone because she didn’t want anyone to worry about her, especially not Ford. Ford had enough to worry about daily.

“Alright darling what’s eating you hm?” The familiar deep voice asked drawing her quickly out of her thoughts. Winifred blinked and then looked up to see Stanford standing next to her and holding out a cup of coffee to her.

Winifred took the mug thankfully in her glove covered hands. She decided to try and play dumb with him in the hopes that he would just forget about it. “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about Stanford” she answered and then turned her gaze back out to the passing ships in the bay.

She had no such luck because Ford didn’t give up that easily. Though it was something that normally she loved about him, this was not one of those times. “Winifred don’t play dumb with me. I can tell something is wrong. First you aren’t acting like your normal self, you haven’t been since we went to the pub the other night. Second, you only call me Stanford when you’re angry or upset with me. Please darling, tell me what’s wrong” Ford begged and then he gently sat down on the deck of the vessel with her.

Winifred shivered a little as she felt her boyfriend’s comforting embrace wrap itself around her waist. Winifred sighed and then she finally found herself looking over at him. “I-It’s just well…while we were at the pub, I noticed this younger girl talking and basically flirting with you. It made me think that maybe I’m not good enough for you Ford. I can’t give you a kid like Raina can give Stan because I’m too old. I guess it just made wonder if maybe you’d be better off or happier with a girl that’s younger than me beca-“ Winifred was explaining, but was then cut off by Ford gently placing one of his larger fingers on her lips.

He was blushing a little, but he leaned forward and scooped her up into his lap so that now he was holding her. “Are you kidding me? I honestly didn’t realize she was flirting with me, I guess that explains why she was so willing to give me directions to our stake out spot…” Ford started causing Winifred to give him a flat look that looked unamused. “Anyway, what I was trying to say my darling is that even if she was flirting with me, I would have never taken her offer. She might have been younger, but she isn’t wiser or smarter. I love your beautiful mind and those beautiful eyes that look up at me with so much love. Winifred, I don’t care how old you are or even the fact that we may not be able to conceive biological children. I love you for who you are, I always have, and I always will” Ford says softly, one of his larger hands gently coming up to cup her chubby cheek and force her to look up at him.

Winifred sat and listened to him, her heart beginning to stutter a little and her eyes growing misty with unshed tears. “Y-you mean that my love?” She asks him shyly, her voice cracking a little to match her tears that were slipping out.

Ford gently leaned in and planted a meaningful kiss to her forehead and then held her close to him. “Of course, I mean that my darling. You mean the multiverse to me no matter how old you get. You’re my best girl and one of the only ones who can understand me…you’re the first girl who ever loved me back, fingers and all” He says softly and then he sets his mug down and emphasizes the “fingers and all” with the famous Pines family finger wiggle.

Winifred couldn’t help but giggle a little when he wiggled his fingers and then she leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I love you to Ford, you mean the multiverse to me as well you know. Also, if I’m you’re best girl then you’re my best boy, always. You’re the first guy that has truly loved me for all that I am. At least you didn’t want to use me to pass your classes like a jerk” Winifred replies and mentions her first and only ex-boyfriend, Vic.

Ford instinctively pulled her closer to him as she mentioned the jerk that had humiliated her at homecoming in sophomore year. He promised himself that he wouldn’t allow any other man to cause harm to her like that ever again. “He didn’t deserve you. Besides you stole someone’s heart almost instantly from the moment he laid eyes on you” Ford replied and rested his chin on her shoulder.

Winifred smirked and rested her head gently against his. “Oh? I wonder who that is” She joked earning a deep rumbling chuckle from Ford.

Ford gently ran his free hand through her long silver hair, he relished how soft and yet strangely frizzy it felt in his fingers. “Oh, I think you know who he is. He loves you right now and he always will” He says softly, his tone meaningful to let Winifred know he meant it. He hoped that it would comfort her a little and ease her worries.

Winifred smiled warmly up at him now, her tears slowly disappearing with the brisk morning air around them. She gently set her coffee mug right next to his and then she wrapped her arms around his torso in a hug. “You promise?” she asks shyly.

Ford smiles down at her and continues to run his six digits through her flowy silver hair. “I promise my darling” He answers her and then he presses another gentle kiss to her forehead and just holds her close.

Ford found himself now looking out at the other ships that were going in and out of this port while he held her close. Winifred closed her eyes as she allowed the comforting warmth and smell that was her six fingered scientist to begin to lull her off to a relaxing morning stupor, after all, it would be another two hours before Stan and Raina woke up and another three before they had to catch the bus to their stake out sight.

When Ford heard her light snores, he chuckled again and rested his chin atop of her head. “Rest well my dear, I love you” He says softly and then he gazed back at the ocean, his thoughts drifting to the adventures that the two of them had been able to have in their past. Yes, they might be older, but Ford had hope that they would be able to still have adventures more to come in their future.

A/N: Hey there Gravity Falls Fans! So I decided that I wanted to showcase my OC’s for Ford and Stan. I figured one of the best ways to do that was to write some cute one shots based on writing prompts. So here I am with day 1 (though I know it’s a little late) of the A to Z 30 day challenge! I am also releasing a companion short of Stan and Raina for this particular prompt so stay tuned! I hope that you all enjoy! 

You can find the challenge here: https://uhmmmsweetie.tumblr.com/post/172330329580/30-day-otp-alphabet-challenge

It was created by @uhmmmsweetie

[16th-cornelia-street]

just a jumbled mess of stream of consciousness thoughts while listening to folklore: (alos heads up i don’t know any of the song names so i’m just going mostly with the lyrics that stood out to me. but it is mostly in order of the songs as they play out.)

I remember when first listening ot lover thinking how melancholy all th songs were. i don’t feel it as much anymore, it just must have been my state of mind at the time. but listening to the first two songs of folklore i’m getting that feeling again and i don’t feel its going to go away. haven’t listened to rest of this ,but hte wishing and longing for htings to go back to how they were seems like its going to be the theme of this album

song after american dynasty gave me chills. that guys voice: beautiful.

same song gives me vibe of this is last time on red, which is a good song, couple having conversation about not listening to each othe rand feeling like neithe is being heard and thngs are falling apart. its my sisters favorite song on that album wonder how she’ll feel about this one.

mirror ball song makes me think of that dress she wore to award show for lover. and remember when joe and taylor posted that wine photo i wonder if thats the day they were working together on the song peopel theorize he worked with her on.

because i like to crazy theorize what if the three love sotry is about forbidden love stories both taylor and the cowriter had not together but with other people. i’m just in writing mode so creating all kinds of wild theories.

mirror ball also gives vibes of miss americana how she just wnats to be liked and shows various aspects of herself ot be accepted and the ball showing the viewer various aspects of themselves reminds me of how the fans talk about seeing themselves in her writing, parts they didn’t know aobut or parts tehy don’t show others. how they see thsemlves in her songs so in a way she is a mirorball to her fans not just her lovers.

folksong song sounds like a first love childhood before the singer learned to what was proper and accepted how to act like a “lady” back when her love was wild adn free pacing up her dolls and swaeter (cardigan) so they could run away together and be free in teh way they wanted to be. 

sometimes its easier to talk about aspects of ourslves by putting on othe people on othe stories slipping in fiction with truth so no one knows what was real or imagined (august)

august gives me back to december vibes.

man taylors vocals this album just i’m so speeechless so many ways she’s never sung before, a new side of her and her vocals so haunting nad beaitiful and breathy its enchanting. i don’t know how to describe it.

it doesn’t have ot be an affair to feel this way to feel like the perosn you’ve broken up with is someone you’ll never find agan never feel that way agin with who created worlds with you and then tears them all apart hwne they leave you.

invisible string i take it this is from male perspective talking about a girl and not realizing at time tehy liked you back and finding connnection years later. that yes they did like you.

gold string and dive bars gives me reputation feels.

really liking all the instrumentals in teh scong calm and soothing of course becauase thats the theme but i like that taylor changes up her sound each album not alwaysa rocky or poop or coutnry, its nice ot get the narrative beauty that is taylor but have the story told in different genres, if you will

when i saw that hte album was explicit i was like taylor is going to say the f word and when she id i was not ready for it espcialy with teh full sentence i think she said of mouth-f so ya that was boht unexpected and jarring and...wow, taylor. when you decide to use that word you go all in. good for you.

madwoman seems like sequal to the man. the man’s “crazy” sister

does he beat kind of pick up at the end of madwoman, either i was getting anxiety or the beat picks up when its just the insturmentals to give it a kind fo manic feeling

ther is a lot of mention fo dead nd peopel wishing someone was dead and funeral.s are you okay taylor. i just need to chck in with you.

the song about the soldier is giving me soon you’ll get better and will probably end up being the song i skip the most like all taylors songs about her mom becuause i can’t always handle those  feels.

betty’s garden. james girl drives up in car talk abou summer i was thinking august the whole tiem that maybe this song is tied to august song liek she said three songs tie togtehr in love triangle so that confirms it so is the third song the one about running away togetehr with suitcase of dolls and sweaters?

idk why as soon as i saw taylor message about love triangles i didn’t think the usual he loves her but she loves him, i was thinking he loves her and she loves her and she loves him. like a circle but it guess th twoudln’t amek ti a triangle then. but was totally thinking forbiddne and secret love and not realizing that she actaully liked you while you wer in love with her best friend. idk. i’m a mess.

sometimes i when i listen to taylor i think her voice hasn’t changed i listen to old songs and they basically sound the same but this album you really get to see her range and a new side of her voclas and tones and its nice ot hear the old and new together working togteher to make this album. 

okay this song cardigen is giving me vibes but then thers is the laughter at the end that pervades the cardigan song so betty garden seems tied to that.

bety garden is like book when he arrived at party at end its like ia rrived at your paryt i ws like what what di she say how did she react.i need to know.

 idk i just rally like this album i know its different in a good way and its really i really like the storyteller in me is squeeling.

brittle heart seems like a mess of phrases when first impresion but listening closer but its like youre trying searhcing for he word prhase thing syou need to say finding the right words finding the right combinaton of words either your own or someone else’s to get them to listen to hear you to accept you and let you be a part of their life.

hoax started and i knew it was the last song and it jsut felt like thigs wre getting starrted and alreayd its over. i’m not ready for it to be over. play it again sam.

edit; like this wasn’t long enough, here are more jumbled notes from the second listen.

unrequited love. missed opportunities. young love. mistakes taht could never be fixed.

what happesn when you take out all the prhases that seem out of place, like kissed two girls and lost the one. later in teh story you find out about james and him doing that and it seems like a hint taht he lost betty.

be a friend to all be afriend to none also seems out of palce seesm like taylor speaking from hr own experience

i can’t tell how much of this is narrative insertion? is that the word. and how much of it is just the narrative.

cardigan really feels lke this is betty’s song when he left for the summer and ruined everything.

he did come back to her but i don’t know feels like it might have been too late but maybe not. mixed readings on this one.

dynasty is a bop and i have many thoughts on it like that i love rebecca she is my life goals.

also get black widow vibes from her when couple dynasty with mad woman and teh idea that waht happend to the dog might have happened to her husband.

do you tay, you do you. ruin everything ebcause evertyhing is already ruined and its time they realized that and that its not really your fault.

not really any woman’s fault. 

some of the songs seem like they are about othe poeple but then likewith  lemony snicket it feels liek teh narrator is telling his own story in his own words or through the characters.

the couple fight song gives me miss americana nad heartbreak proince both as a romance and the current state of our country

ricochet what is that jumbled instrumental jazz mess that happeesn after the first mention fo her tears

sweet tea does it mention braids idk it just keeps giving me vibes of two girls in love but that could be because i’ve been on a supercorp writing stint.

the insturmentals just take you to another plane of existence

mentions a girl and talks about guys she gives their babies present (strign song) don’t know what to make of this song. gives me many feelings and so much to unpack

where is centenial parrk and do they ahve a yogurt stand there where someone worked. it makes me wonder if songs about not realizing how many times your paths crossed with someone utnil the moment you finally collide and have your first official encounter

mad woman almost seems like its tied to american dynasty hinting at the reasons she went mad after her husband died

when i heard mouth f*ck in madwoman i had teh same reaction as i did when i heard taylor sing “only bought this dress so you could take it off” in dress. adn i am reminded yet again, our girl is growing up. is grown up. she says fu and everything.

betty’s gardne mentions being 17 and not knowing anything and in cardigent we were young and they said we don’t know anything like she was calling BS on his excuse. you knew exactly what you were doing

btrittle heart maybe its like snatches of conversations memoires of meoments togteher things that were said that wer promised that weren’t said things you wanted to say

hoax mentions number one bringing it all back to the first song

[marinaaniseed]

Knock me down

Song: Knock me down from the album 13 in my 31 by My Red Cell.

Summary: After Steve goes back in time, Bucky has some words.

Pairing: Stucky

Length: 1,495 words

A/N: If you’ve not seen Civil War, Infinity War, or Endgame, then spoilers ahead. That last 10 mins or so of Endgame is BS. Here is a slight alternative. Kinda angsty but fluff at the end. Implied daddy kink. See here for what this is all about.

***

The first shock was Steve not reappearing. 

Then he did, but not as Bucky had anticipated.

That had been the second shock, seeing Steve so old. If Steve could age, then so could Bucky, and that wasn’t a possibility he’d considered before. Maybe there were limits to being a supersoldier.

Steve had lived a whole life without him, and that hurt. After everything they had been through, after Steve had thought him dead, twice, they finally had a chance to live their lives together. As friends, and as something more than that. They weren’t fugitives, weren’t about to head into battle, and they didn’t have to hide.

Bucky and Steve, together ‘til the end of the line.

At least that was the plan. It was the plan in Bucky’s head. He thought he’d made it pretty clear to Steve how he felt.

And given that Steve had gotten himself declared a war criminal defending him, Bucky kinda figured that he felt the same.

Evidently not.

Sam getting the shield… that hurt, too, but he could understand. Captain America was a patriotic propaganda tool, and former a Soviet assassin didn’t exactly fit the bill, even if he was from Brooklyn.

The final shock, and the real kicker, was Steve’s wedding ring. Sam had asked Steve if he wanted to tell him about her, and Steve hadn’t denied that it was a ‘her’.

Maybe his attempts at dating girls in the 40s hadn’t been for show. Maybe the little punk played for both teams. Maybe, worst of all, he didn’t like guys at all.

It didn’t really matter, Bucky supposed, whether Steve had settled down with a dame or a guy. The fact remained the same, that Steve hadn’t settled down with him.  

“Hey Sam, could you give us a moment? I’d like to have a word with Steve,” Bucky said, eventually.

“Sure, man,” Sam said, ambling off to join Banner.

Bucky sat next to Steve, unable to look at him. Unable to articulate everything he felt in that moment.

“Buck, say something,” Steve eventually prompted him.

“I can’t believe you told me not to do anything stupid… and then you did this,” he answered.

“Aw, c’mon Buck. Don’t get mad.”

“I ain't mad with you darling, I'm just a bit disappointed. I thought that it was finally our time to, y’know, be together… and then you go and do this,” Bucky said, gesturing to Steve’s wedding ring. “I just don’t understand. Those years when you didn’t even know I still alive, or when I was dusted, you found nobody.”

“Well, I couldn’t leave my best girl. Not when she owed me a dance,” Steve explained.

“You went back in time for a dance? Why didn’t you say? We coulda gone dancing, done any dance you liked. Coulda done a horizontal dance, it’s legal ‘n’ everything nowadays,” Bucky said with a bitter laugh. “I’ve barely been back five minutes and you go off and leave me for… a dance.”

“I didn’t leave you, Buck - I came back.”

“Yeah - as an old man!”

“You’re old too! Hell, you’re older than me,” Steve retorted.

“I don’t look it! Besides, that’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

“Even when you had nothing, you had me. Sam told me you said that. What happened, Steve? When did I stop being good enough? Did you get used to not having me?”

Bucky didn’t want to cry, it wasn’t the done thing, but then neither was talking about how you felt. That was something they’d taught him in Wakanda, to talk about how he felt, not to keep it all inside. Still, he could feel the tears stinging.

“God, Buck, no. Not at all. After Thanos, I would've sold my heart to the devil just to touch your face again,” Steve replied, moving his hand to cup Bucky’s cheek for emphasis. “I just… I was going back in time anyway, I wanted to go somewhere familiar. I wanted to go home. There’s a lotta things about this century that’re better, but I don’t belong here. I’m an artifact from another time.”

“And I’m not? How am I supposed to continue without the one guy with shared life experience?” Bucky said, shaking his head.

“Hey, stop talking about me like I’m dead, I’m still here.”

“For how long though?”

Bucky hadn’t meant it to come out sounding so bitter, but the damage was done. Steve’s hand moved away from Bucky’s cheek to rest again in his own lap.

“I fought for so long, I just wanted a normal life. And I got it, I had a beautiful, happy life.”

“You coulda had it with me. It shoulda been with me.”

“The world wouldn’t have let us.”

“It’s different now, Steve. Two men can be together. Nobody cares,” Bucky sighed.

“No, it’s not that. There would always be something, some cause to fight for, to defend.”

“That doesn’t sound like my pal, the little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.”

“Maybe I got a little smarter.”

“Not smart enough to realise you don’t gotta fight with your fists to make a difference. Not smart enough to know that the shield didn’t make you a hero, it was this,” Bucky noted, jabbing Steve’s chest. Even as an old man, he was muscular. Such a change from the frail young man Bucky had originally fallen in love with. “And apparently, not smart enough to know that I love you. Am in love with you. I meant it when I said ‘til the end of the line.”

“It’s happened now Buck, can’t we just be friends? I’m back, we can still make a go of it.”

“I dunno, Steve. It’s a pretty shitty thing to do, run away from your friend, man who’s been dead for five years, a man who’s loved you for over 80 years, for a dance, for a dame you didn’t know all that well…”

“Buck, please…”

“I ain’t finished,” Bucky said, holding up a hand to silence Steve. “You went back, knowing I was alive, being tortured by Hydra, that I was… that I was murderin’ people, innocent people, like Stark? What the hell, Steve?”

Bucky was trying to keep his cool. Like he’d told Steve, he wasn’t mad, not really, just disappointed, but the knuckles on his flesh hand were turning white as he clenched his fist.

“I didn’t really think it through,” Steve admitted.

“No shit.”

Bucky wasn’t surprised. Steve had always been one to act first, think later, consequences be damned - especially if the consequences were a split lip or a bloody nose.

“By the time it occurred to me, I couldn’t leave. And I couldn’t intervene, ‘cause of all the time travel stuff that Banner talked about.”

Bucky let out a groan and buried his head in his hands. Science was more his thing, Steve was an arty guy, but he hadn’t realised just how clueless his friend was.

Sitting back up, pinching the bridge of his nose between vibranium thumb and finger, he exhaled slowly.

“Steve,” he began. “You’ve already messed up the time stuff. By going back for your dance… you’ve caused it to splinter. You shouldn’t have been there, because y’know, you weren’t there. You were stuck in the ice.”

“Oh.”

It was a soft reply, one that Bucky wouldn’t have heard without his enhanced hearing. He sat watching Steve as he processed the ramifications of his actions.

“I guess I really did take all the stupid with me,” he finally said, with a goofy grin.

“I oughta knock you down for this, you jerk,” Bucky grumbled. “Good job I like you.”

“Like me? I thought you said you loved me?”

Bucky could understand how Steve had gotten into so many scraps, he certainly had a punchable face with that smart mouth and shit-eating grin. It was only really his eyes, those blue eyes that matched that ridiculous outfit, that redeemed him.

“Yeah, well. We all gotta have our flaws. Mine’s apparently falling in love with the wrong guy.”

“Hey, I went back to my best girl, but I’m here right now with my best guy.”

This time, Steve’s hand reached for Bucky’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“I’m sorry Buck, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just… I didn’t think. And I know how that must make you feel. But if you still want me, if you’ll still have me then I guess… better late than never, right?”

“Sure, pal. Like I said, I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, even if you look old enough to be my dad,” Bucky said, amused and relieved in equal measure.

“What about your daddy?”

“No!” Bucky said aghast, loud enough to draw Sam and Bruce’s attention. If he’d thought Steve as a young man had put him through hell, this older, more experienced version was going to be even worse.

Finally, he relented: “Maybe, baby.”