#highly recommend especially if you’ve read they both die at the end

[safetypin-louis]

the first to die at the end by adam silvera is literally the book version of this meme but gay

that’s it that’s the entire plot of the book

[mrwinterr]

Die Happy

Pairing: Ghost!Bucky Barnes AU x Female Reader; tiny hint of Sam Wilson x Female Reader

Summary: You summon a really friendly ghost.

Warnings: Smut 18+ (consensual vibes all around, masturbation, vaginal fingering, oral [female receiving]) and language. Dabbling into the occult (use of a Ouija board).

Disclaimer: I’m a spooky bitch, I like how Ouija boards look like, but I would NEVER mess with them.

Title Inspiration: “Die Happy” by Dreamers  

A/N: I was on Reddit and I stumbled across an erotic audio that inspired this, so I definitely owe it to them. I’ve just been dying to write a ghost AU. I decided to hold back on the smut on this for now and maybe save it for later. This can be turned into a series, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Idk. You tell me! Enjoy!

It’s here.

It’s finally here. The package that would help you find the answers you were so desperately looking for was finally here.

Package in hands, there’s a skip to your steps as you happily make your way back into the living room of your somewhat new home. You had moved in almost six months ago, but it still felt so surreal. You, a homeowner. All those years of saving up and house hunting - you finally did one of the most adult things you could do in your life.

The small house had been in the neighborhood for decades and owned by plenty before you, in fact, too plenty, but for a home in Brooklyn, New York it was surprisingly affordable. You’re still patting yourself on the back for how you managed to score this place at such a bargain price.

It was the ideal place, really; surrounded by friendly neighbors and with a great home association. It was at a reasonable distance from your workplace and the city. Furthermore, cosmetically, it was your dream home. You never took a second to ask why someone would quickly put this home back on the market...until recently.

The realtor had assured you that everything in the house was functioning properly before you signed away. There was little to no refurbishing on your end, which was part of the dealbreaker, but now you can’t help to wonder if the realtor was duping you. A young, pretty woman and a first-time homeowner? That was easy bait for them, right? There had to be a catch or information that they were withholding and well, you weren’t about to wait any longer to find out.

Lately, strange things had been happening and while at first you brushed them off as mere coincidences, they were becoming almost too outstanding to ignore.

First, it was the air conditioning unit acting all wonky. You kept the house at a reasonable and comfortable temperature, but you found yourself often sporting hoodies even during the warmer seasons. The technicians couldn’t find a single problem with it and besides whenever you scheduled a visit for inspection, it was magically working just fine. Never mind the breeze that blew past you here and there…

Next, much like the AC unit, the electricity started to have a mind of its own. Before you could flip the light switch or press the button on your remote, it was always one step ahead of you. It was almost like you were living in a smart house, but instead of acting on voice command, it read your mind.

Not to mention, things disappeared and reappeared every now and then. Small things like the morning paper would vanish from the coffee table and if you couldn’t locate where you last left your keys, you never searched too far.

Then the eeriest one of them all was the unexplained smell. There was a distinct yet alluring scent that would waft by when you felt that breeze pass over. You had deduced that it wasn’t any like of your fragrance collection nor was it from the only friend that visited you. It was a pleasant odor and almost calming to you.  

You didn’t want to believe it, but these weren’t just common occurrences - these were tall tale signs of a haunting. The spirit wasn’t vengeful, that much you gathered since it didn’t make attempts to harm you in any way. Sure you could just either ignore these oddities or relist the home, the latter which wasn’t in your favor because it wasn’t that simple. Instead, curiosity won the best of you and you opted to take matters into your own hands.

Literally.

“Whoa!” You hear your close friend Sam Wilson exclaim and watch as he scoots to the other end of the couch as far away as he could when you pull the Ouija board out from the box. “Shit, girl. I knew you liked Halloween, but I didn’t think you were that spooky!” He said, his eyes bugging out in disbelief that you’d ordered such a thing.

You roll your eyes at him and place the board on the coffee table. He immediately gets up from his spot and sets what he deems is a safe distance from it as if the object was cursed. You’re not deterred by the Ouija board at all. It had quite the opposite effect because you were all too fascinated with the supernatural.

“You really shouldn’t mess with that kind of stuff,” Sam warns as you handle the remaining piece, the planchette.

“I don’t know why you’re so scared,” you respond, blowing him off and kicking away the now empty box.

“And you’re not?!” He says incredulously, “trying to speak to the dead is not right!” Well, it certainly wasn’t normal, but so weren’t the things that were happening in your home lately.

“I need to find answers, Sam!” You bite back, the volume of your voice matching his. You didn’t miss the hint his exclamations gave off and it bothered you. “What do you expect me to do? Continue living like this? I’m not in control of my own home.”

Oh, he knew. He was your closest friend and you trusted him enough to share your theories about your home and the experiences in it.

“You really think this place is haunted.” It comes off as more of a statement because he can see you’ve clearly made up your mind on how you’re going to prove the theory.

“Why do you think I can’t have Sarge or any pets over?” You absolutely adored Sam’s dog Sarge, but he made it apparent that he didn’t like something about or in your house.

Before Sam could try and spit out an explanation you’ve already heard, you stopped him, “I’m not going crazy! And I certainly am not going to spend another fee on having a technician tell me there’s nothing wrong with the units again.”

“Look. Why don’t you just come spend the night at my place and we can think of another way to approach this?” He offered and you knew that offer all too well. It had always been on the table. When you decided to move to Brooklyn and were looking for your own place, Sam had offered you a room, but you were hellbent on making it on your own. You were proud and independent...and weren’t sure about taking the next step with him.

Sam was everything your past lovers weren’t and you while you both weren’t official, a couple of dates happened here and there, something was holding you back. You cherished his friendship so much and a part of you feared finding out what it could be that you weren’t willing to jeopardize what you two already had if anything more came out of it and then failed miserably. He made it clear how he felt about you, but you brushed it off casually each time. Sam knew you simply weren’t ready.

“Thanks, but I’ll be okay.” You reply, breaking away from seeing the look of concern on his face and back to the planchette your hands were fidgeting with. You knew he was a skeptic on these kinds of things and only worried for your safety.

The nights he had spent here nothing strange ever happened. It’s like these occurrences were only happening about you. Sam wasn’t sure if he believed in ghosts or not, and he deeply cared for you, but he wasn’t about to stick around and find out. He knew that you could be stubborn, but there was only so much he could do to change your mind from where he stood and he just hoped he hadn’t lost you yet.

The small crack of thunder in the sky indicated a storm was coming and you took that as a sign to convince Sam to leave for the day. You didn’t want to fight with him about this. The few times you did talk about a possible haunting were just humorous conversations to Sam, but you were always being serious. It was evident that you two were not on the same page.

“You should probably start heading home before the rain comes,” you advise, standing up to walk over to the front door, hoping it’d sway him, but he knew what you were doing. Sam wasn’t mad. He was always very patient with you.

He only nods in false agreement before following your lead. “I’m coming back first thing in the morning to check if you’re still alive though,” he jokes, before pulling you in for a hug and giving you a kiss to the side of your head. His words elicit a light chuckle from you, but is mostly muffled against his biceps, then you’re playfully shoving him out the door.

As soon as his car disappears from the end of the street, you jolt and head snaps quickly at a sudden crash from the kitchen. You make your way in that direction to find the mug gifted to you on your last birthday from Sam shattered in pieces all over the kitchen floor.

The last roar of thunder must’ve been a strong one or the elevation of the shelf had been slightly off or maybe the house didn’t like Sam…

You shook your head at that last silly thought from your mind and sighed preparing to clean up the mess. Once that was done, the gloomy weather quickly casted a blanket over the sky and with a remix of fast raindrops against the windows and pavement and the lag in thunder, you didn’t waste time on the mission.

What better time than now? It set the mood. Were you scared? You weren’t sure. You were already convinced you were living with a spirit. You didn’t ponder long enough to think about the aftermath. Was this all just a bunch of hocus pocus or pseudoscience? Would you get possessed by a demon or would he be like Casper?

The use of a Ouija board, especially by someone inexperienced as yourself, was highly not recommended and very much frowned upon during your upbringing. If only your parents could see you now...

The spirit in your home couldn’t be that bad though, right? If they wanted to possess you, they would’ve done so by now; unless they were just waiting for an invitation. Well, there was only one way to find out.

You dimmed the lights and lit a few candles around you. Was this insulting? You did some fair share of research, but most of what you knew about Ouija boards were credited to horror movies.

You take a deep breath and begin to summon your supposed roommate.

Bucky felt bad as he watched you clean up the mess he made in your kitchen. He knew you liked that mug, but he didn’t and he certainly didn’t like how Sam made you feel. Sam made you feel all sorts of things and Bucky knew that, which explained why Sam never experienced anything unusual in the house because Bucky didn’t like seeing you with him.  

He was aware of how silly it was. A ghost jealous of two living humans. He had his turn, but it was tragically cut short. He was so young. He left everything behind to fight a World War. There was a high chance he wouldn’t come back and he was sadly part of that statistic.

But why did his afterlife have to consist of seeing the most angelic living human being just waiting to fall in love with the perfect living man? He didn’t get a chance to live out that part of his life, so was he bitter? Yes. And especially outraged at any distress that was brought upon the current tenant of his old home.

Bucky wasn’t sure why he was able to roam around his old stomping ground over the last couple of decades. He tried his best to communicate with the previous owners but he always ended up scaring them off. When you moved in, if he wasn’t already dead, and you could’ve seen him, he just knew he would’ve been as pale as a well...ghost. He made sure to not send you running for the hills.

He tried to help you with everyday things, trying his best to be subtle. He didn’t even spy on you during private moments like in the shower or on those lonely, needy nights. He proved himself to be a ghostly gentleman.

He even tried to not eavesdrop on your conversations and almost always disappeared when guests were present, but he heard you raise your voice earlier at Sam. He wasn’t sure what you two were arguing about and sure it was petty on his part, but before he could summon enough energy to knock over the mug, Sam was already gone.

Bucky followed you back into the living room and watched as you lit the candles scattered around. He lightly smiled believing you were attempting to relax. If only seeing you in peace was enough to put him to rest - permanently - but when he sees you take a seat back on your couch his expression fell and he swore his heart would stop again if it could.

“Oh no,” he says as he watches you stare at the Ouija board on the table before you. Bucky starts pacing in front of you, his hands over his head. Anyone that set foot and stayed long enough knew this place was haunted, and he knew you weren’t stupid and besides he wasn’t as subtle as he’d like to have been lately.

“Is anyone here?” He hears you ask the first question. He looks over your direction and sees your eyes are closed with both hands on the planchette.

“Oh my God,” he barely whispers and realizes, “she’s really trying to talk to me.” He couldn’t believe you’d be so brave to risk such a thing and importantly willingly reaching out to him.

“Yes! I am! I’m here!” She can’t hear you, idiot. “Fuck, of course she can’t hear me.” Bucky argues with himself on what to do before he remembers how Ouija boards work.

He almost can’t believe it when he does it, but he’s able to delicately move your hands and slide the planchette over to the word ‘YES’.

Your eyes pop open and you gasp when you see that you got an answer. You're frozen and look up in front of you half expecting the spirit to show itself to you, but you don’t see anything.

At least that’s what you think. Unbeknownst to you, you’re staring right at Bucky or rather through him. His expression mirrors yours - complete and utter shock. He was never able to easily move or touch anything solid in years. The incident with the mug earlier, that kind of stuff usually required a lot of concentration and energy on his part. He’s also scared that he’s frightened you with that move, but at the same time excited that he’s successfully communicating with you.

You’re unsure if you should continue. You were half expecting this to be a bust, but it moved. It actually moved! While you were excited that this worked, the tiny voice in the back of your head had you considering that maybe you shouldn’t go any further, but who ever really listened to them? You blink a few times and refocus your attention on the task.

“What are you?” You ask.

“What am I?” Bucky repeats the question, “I’m dead.” Wait. He starts to spell the letters ‘D-E-A-D’ with your hands on the planchette. He compares the sight of the corners of your mouth lifting, amused at that response, of course he was dead, as to what angels must’ve felt like when they earned their wings. If anyone believed in that sort of stuff...either way he felt very blessed.

“You liked that one, didn’t you?” Bucky said more to himself with a big smile on his face. He loved this! It was like he was having a conversation with you. It was something he only ever dreamed of for the last six or so months.

A particular flash of lightning followed by a thunderous sound startles you and you breakaway from the Ouija board. You weren’t going to lie. You were still absolutely spooked out and decided that maybe that was enough contact with the dead for the day.

When your heartbeat finally returned to its normal pace, you got up and turned on the lights, made sure you blew all the candles out and turned in for the night. Before you left, Bucky watched you look around the room and bid goodnight to seemingly nothing, but he knew it was meant for someone - it was meant for him.

The days that followed, you were growing curiouser and curiouser that in your spare time, you started digging into how much can come out of the Ouija board, but first you needed to figure out who you were dealing with.

With as much access as you were granted, you found out about a man, who was around the same age as you, that had died during World War II and the hauntings that would start to occur after the first tenant took residence upon this home.

The house belonged to a man named James Buchanan Barnes, but signed it under the name Bucky. How cute. You thought to yourself over the nickname, then you saw an accompanying photo of who you assumed was living with you. It was in black and white and the quality wasn’t that up to par, but from what you could make out you could determine enough. Cute name for a cute guy.

You read the experiences of others that lived here before you and they all seemed harmless. They were just spooked and you didn’t blame them. They had every right to be scared, but you didn’t scare that easily.

You’re so engrossed with your findings, you barely paid any attention to Sam, even when he’d come in to check on you. He had the spare key in case of emergencies, and you ignoring most of his unreturned phone calls and missed texts, uncharacteristically you, to him was deemed as an emergency.

Sam was only less than thrilled to see your enthusiasm on all this. Normal people didn’t go around poking at the dead. He pointed out you were lucky you didn’t get possessed, not paying any mind or adhering to you claiming he was probably a friendly ghost.

“This isn’t an episode of Casper!” Sam says fed up again. His face falters as he watches your shoulders visibly slump. He hated killing the vibe, especially when you were excited, but you were excited about something all too unreal and that shouldn’t be messed with at all in the first place.

“What if I can help him?” You try reasoning with him, “What if I can help him pass on? Then I can live in peace...and so would he.”

“You’re already lucky that you’re unharmed,” Sam reminds you, “I’m just worried about you.”

“I know you are, but I’ll be fine,” you assure him, hoping you could keep that promise. After all, you couldn’t even confirm you were really communicating with Bucky.

You were relieved that the conversation with Sam didn’t take a turn for the worse like it easily could have. You understood where he was coming from and you were lucky to have someone like him care so much about your wellbeing. The realization never fails to punch you in the gut for not allowing yourself to give in.

So why were you more scared to commit than of willingly reaching out to a ghost?

Take two.

You sat perched up and ready to communicate once more. Bucky, on the other hand, is more than ready and the cool familiar breeze that passes you by lets you know that he’s here.

“Who are you?” There weren’t exactly formalities with contacting the dead and your heartbeat starts to pick up as you’re slowly spelling out ‘B-U-C-K-Y’.

“Bucky,” you whisper. Boy, did Bucky like the sound of his name coming from your lips.

“How did you...die?” you had to swallow in between the last word in that question, hoping it wouldn’t trigger a negative response. Even in the afterlife, death couldn’t be an easy topic.

The letters ‘W-A-R’ and the number ‘2’ gives you your answer. It was him! Internally, you’re overjoyed that you’ve figured out your ghostly John Doe, but you try to remain at ease.

“Did you knock down my mug?”

Bucky rolls his eyes at that, but swiftly moves your hands over to ‘YES’.

“Okay. I mean that wasn’t very nice,” you couldn’t just bite your tongue as the sass flowed right out of you.

‘S-O-R-R-Y’.

The apology takes you by surprise, and suddenly you weren’t mad about the mug anymore.

“It’s alright. It was just a mug,” you try to assure him. You’d just have to explain to Sam another time that the ghost broke it. No biggie. Yeah, right. What with the tiny arguments, he’d most likely believe you destroyed it out of anger and frustration at him.

Your arms were getting tired from the position they were in. Several minutes had passed since you last said anything to Bucky and you weren’t sure of what to ask next.

Where does this end? Do you ask him to leave? This is his home. No, it’s not anymore. It’s your home now. But he doesn’t belong here anymore. How do you help him pass on? Did you have that ability? Do you hire a medium? Enlist the help of a priest? Call a ghostbuster? Your mind grew tired all too quickly, you slumped back in your seat, breaking away from the Ouija board.

Bucky watched as you rubbed the muscles of your sore arms. He felt helpless. He wishes he could ease or take away your pain. Instead, all he could do was watch and make sure you were okay until you were ready to start talking again.

With your hands back on the items, you ask, “are you still here?” Bucky responds with ‘YES’. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, mentally preparing yourself, before proceeding with the next question.

“Can you show yourself to me?” There the ultimate question and Bucky can’t help but ask why? Why were you interested in seeing him? He was a lost cause.

“No?” you ask more to yourself, still staring at the word through the eye of the planchette, and frown at his response.

Bucky wanted nothing more than to show himself to you, but he didn’t know how. For decades he was nothing but a gust of air. No matter how hard he tried to show himself to previous owners, he was never successful.

You pull your hands back away and place them in your lap, unsure of where to go from here. Well, you couldn’t force a ghost to do something they didn’t want to do, but you hoped that maybe perhaps seeing him would make it less taxing while communicating.

There’s a sudden iciness that covers the side of your cheek, sending a chill down your spine, causing you to flinch and your hand rising quickly to warm the spot.

Bucky almost disappears at the sudden reaction. He can’t believe it. You felt that. You could feel him. It was different than pushing your hands in different directions because this time, neither of you needed the help of the Ouija board.

You’re not sure where he is as your eyes scan the room, you wanted to feel that again. Sure, the cold was a bit alarming, and as sharp as his icy touch was, so was the surge that flowed through you. It was unexplainable, but soothing.

It sucked for Bucky because he couldn’t keep your eyes trained on just him.

“Are you sure you can’t show yourself?” You ask again, this time convinced you didn’t need the Ouija board anymore.

However, Bucky needed the board to reply. You sigh in defeat as you watch the planchette slide across to the word ‘YES’. You couldn’t allow yourself to get mad. You just couldn’t understand how it was possible for him to do all these other things, but not be able to show himself. Whatever it was, you’d just have to accept that you’d never understand ghost logic.

The sound of the planchette scraping against the board, offers you the word, ‘F-E-E-L’.

Feel? You definitely felt a presence, but now it was confirmed. It was him. He was trying to communicate through touch.

“Yes, I felt you,” you let Bucky know quite eagerly. The planchette remains unmoved after that and instead of what would appear to be awkward silence, the seconds that were passing by could be more appropriately compared to that of a ticking time bomb.

“Touch me,” you request.

Bucky’s stunned. If he were alive and well right now, he’d no doubt be on his knees for you with a command like that. He floats over to you and is only more than eager to touch you again, but he’s not sure of where. Feeling a soft anticipation of a ghostly tingle, he hesitantly places both hands on the underside of your jaw, in a cradle-like fashion, hoping it'll stop your wandering eyes.  

You stand still, frozen in place, now seeing the breath of air that escapes your mouth in a cloud of smoke. He’s definitely here and in front of you.

“More,” you say barely above a whisper.

Fuck. Bucky inwardly swears at himself as you unintentionally egg him on. Testing his limits, what more could he already lose? He was already dead.

He goes all in. He leans in and presses his cold, dead lips to yours in the most gentle and light kiss ever. When he pulls away, he sees that your eyes have closed and he can’t help immediately start to wonder if you actually felt that or not. He sure as hell felt it. He can’t be certain as he tries to gauge at the expression on your face. Shit, why did he do that?

“Do it again,” and this time with a more affirmative tone, Bucky doesn’t question anything anymore and obeys. His lips dig deeper against yours, you let out a small moan and purse your lips to respond. You don’t think about how silly it must look to be making out with practically nothing, not knowing what to do with your hands because there was nothing to hold onto, but despite that it all felt too real. He was real.  

Bucky’s mind is reeling at the sound of pleasure that spews from your mouth, he can’t comprehend how this is even possible. He’d been dying to know what kissing you felt like - what you felt like at all.

When your lips start to get numb and turn blue, you reluctantly pull away. You open your eyes to a dark room and wish you could at least hear him, the sounds of ecstasy played a pivotal role in intimacy.  

Your body temperature returns to normal, blood rushing, mind a haze. You stand up and head towards your bedroom without another word. Would he take the cue to follow you? You can’t be sure. You can’t see or hear him, but your actions say otherwise and make you both feel as if he wasn’t dead at all. It was now a game of cat and mouse.

Bucky or not, you were unabashedly turned on. In moments like these, it was hard to be in control of your own body and the only thing you could do was give in to the desires. In this instance, your body couldn’t make up its mind because as if you weren’t just freezing your ass off while kissing Bucky, you were suddenly hot all over.

Flustered, you pulled down your shorts, tossed them carelessly across the room, perhaps a little too harshly. If he wasn’t going to help you out, then you would do the job yourself. A mad smile on your face, surprised you weren’t the least bit embarrassed if he was going to watch you or not. It only added to the thrill and the excitement.

Trying to regulate your breathing, you lie down on the center of your bed and run your hands over your face down to where you needed them the most. Your fingers experimentally graze along the wet spot of your panties, groaning in acknowledgment of the sudden arousal. There’s no sense in conjuring up a justifiable explanation as to how something so seemingly innocent as the kiss you shared with Bucky got you so crazed. Not wasting any time, you lift your hips up and bend your legs to slip the flimsy garment off.

No longer a thin barrier between, your entire body shivers slightly, a sharp gasp escaping your lips, when your fingers make first contact with your clit and you begin to rub slow slow circles over it. Your stomach sinks in with each relieving exhale, your breathing growing heavy. Your fingers run off course and dip into your folds, past the floodgates, your fingers resurface coated in your own wetness and you use it to an advantage in invigorating your clit.

Eyes closed, you start to think about Bucky. You want to feel guilty or believe this was all wrong. Instead of getting off to someone like Sam or someone real for that matter, you lied there baring yourself to a ghost. You try to picture that baby face of his, and all that you could based on the lone image you found of him on the Internet.

The curve of his full lips that you were fortunate enough to feel on yours moments ago. You already knew they were soft, but what about his other features? Did his eyes sparkle or were they like black holes? What color were they? They had to be of a set that could hypnotize someone. Maybe it was okay that you couldn’t see him because if you had you just knew that you’d be at his mercy.

And that was just on the surface of it all. How was he like in other areas? How would his tongue feel against yours, on your skin, in you...The simulation causes your thighs to clamp up, knees involuntarily knocking into each other; your other hand clutching onto the bed sheets. He made it that easy, but you needed one more good push to dive in the deep end.

A thin layer of sweat coats your skin from the increase in body heat, then an abrupt familiar cold sensation runs through you, his alluring scent filling your nostrils, your legs forcefully separate; all tells you that Bucky was here. You pick up your head, always a small hint of disappointment flashes through your features at the fact you still and won’t be likely to ever see him.

It shoots a wild pang through Bucky’s chest because he doesn’t miss it; never knowing he could read someone so openly. He missed out on a good chunk of his life. He missed out on someone like you. Life was so cruel.

Your thoughts aren’t as far away from his as you start to wonder, why was it all so easy - seamlessly flawless - with him? Running with only first-party information and two silent conversations, you were already willing to go headfirst for halos for Bucky. Was it pathetic? You didn’t care anymore, whatever would ultimately bring you to him, you just knew in the end you’d die happy.

Your head falls back in defeat and you try to keep your emotions at bay, until you feel the hem of your shirt being lifted, exposing your midriff. Your lips cave in and you wince at each uncalculated cold peck Bucky’s lips leave on you. Whereas you felt a minor sting at how cold his touches were, for the first time, Bucky felt like he was on fire at how hot to the touch you were in this moment. This moment with him.

His lips create a path down to your core, and the contrast in temperature feels good. Not knowing what to do with your hands again, your arms lie sprawled on the bed on either side of your body, then you mentally curse at another sad truth that you had no one to hold on to.

A cool breeze brushes past your folds and your heartbeat spikes up again. Bucky never imagined he’d ever be able to make someone feel this way. It was pointless for him, but he dreamt about it countless times. And then he wickedly thinks how he was dumb to not spy on you during those nightly sessions. He was missing out. You were absolutely divine in his eyes.

“Bucky,” his name slips past your lips when his make contact with your swollen clit. It started off so innocently, but when he pulled his lips back and ran his tongue over the wet spot you left on them, giving him a taste of what you had to offer, he wanted more.

The cold, with each bit of contact from Bucky, was no longer a thing as your body quickly acclimated to it. Bucky uses his fingers to spread your pussy lips apart and allows himself to get a better taste. Your head lulls back, sinking in deeper into your pillows.

There’s only so much you could do to communicate with Bucky, you want to feel his hands all over, but instead you pick up on the slack as you grab and squeeze handfuls of your breasts, massaging them and adding onto the sensation. Your groping proves to be successful when you draw out more noises.

Bucky’s eyes never tear away from watching your reaction, the way your body moves from pleasure - pleasure he’s bestowing on you. His mouth doesn't require guidance as his tongue pulls all the right moves, weaving its way through and between your folds. He drags out a long moan from you when he dips his tongue in and then captures your folds between his lips, tugging as he sucked on them.

“I-I need,” you try to voice out your desires, but you’re reveling in so much, especially in being able to feel Bucky’s fingers digging into the sides of your hips; you bite down on one of your fingers, trying not to let out a crazed scream.

Bucky doesn’t want you to hold back though, so he introduces his fingers into the mix as they take turns in you. You wished you could hear him and all the sounds of his onslaught. To hear those pretty boy moans, the filthy pops and slurping noises. Was he a dirty talker? God. Imagine the things he would say.

He gets the message loud and clear. You want to come, and so he quickens his actions until your body goes into overdrive. When you reach your peak, your eyes snap open, pupils blown, and your back arches up in perfect bridge-like fashion. It almost looks like you’re being possessed before you come back down releasing choppy gasps of breaths.

Exhausted, you struggle to stay conscious wanting to communicate with Bucky one last time, but it felt like the orgasm almost sucked the life out of you. The puffs of cool air against your pussy are an indication that Bucky is still present and he wasn’t going to go anywhere just yet. He hasn’t moved from his position and is short of breath, in awe of seeing you coming undone for him and more so the fact that this happened. This wasn’t just another one of his dreams.

For as long as he’d been an apparition, he’d hoped to be able to finally pass on and if this was his actual last day on Earth, then he’d gladly accept it because one night with you was enough. 

Bucky would die happy.

A/N: Yeah, the ending wasn’t strong, but I wanted to leave it open for interpretation. Let me know what you think! A simple like and reblog is enough to help a sis out! Thank you for reading! 

[rainbowsky]

The Wolf Reviewed

Spoiler-free section

My life is divided into two eras: ‘before seeing GG as Ji Chong’ and ‘after seeing GG as Ji Chong’. I will never be the same.

GG is magical in this series, and Ji Chong is among my absolute favorite characters of all time (I am actually in love with this character, which is heartbreaking given the fact that he’s fictional). The show also has many interesting characters and some exciting storylines, and in spite of some of its flaws this series is quite good. Highly recommended.

Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, but I can’t give a full review without spoilers. Here’s the rest for those who have already seen the series.

Spoilers under the cut

OK, where to start?

The Characters

There were so many great characters in this story and overall I found the performances of all of them well-acted and exciting to watch. I especially loved Ji Chong and Yao Ji. Both were complex, mysterious characters who stole the show every time they were onscreen.

Ji Chong was incredible. Everything about him was over-the-top amazing. I can imagine that GG must have identified a lot with Ji Chong because he has a similarly gallant, charismatic and kind personality. Seeing GG perform a character like this was mind-blowing because of the harmony between them in spite of their physical differences.

I could go on and on about how much I love Ji Chong as a character but if you’ve seen the series you already know how great he is. I truly fell in love with that man. He was everything I love in a person, and in such a beautiful package. I loved his nimble mischievousness, his rebelliousness, his fierce independence, his devotion to those he loves, and above all, his integrity.  With one exception that I’ll get into later, everything he did in that series was consistent with the image I had of him and it made my heart melt.

And it was pretty insane to see GG go from the thin, twinkish, bubbly and somewhat diminutive Wei Wuxian to the rugged, masculine, mature and level-headed Ji Chong. Not only because of the personality differences between the two characters, but also because of the physical differences. They look like two entirely different people. Ji Chong looks so tall and imposing in the series!

It’s impressive to see GG’s acting ability shine through in these roles. He has such a gift for acting, and for drawing viewers into the hearts of the characters he plays.

Yao Ji was another character that really impressed me. She had so much intensity and complexity, and her character arc was so strong. She was also just incredibly well styled and she looked breathtaking in every single frame she appeared in. The various headpieces and hairstyles she wore were stunning, and her sidekick Zi Shen was an aesthetic marvel.

I also really loved Ma Jing. Despite the fact that she was often used for comedic effect, her character was quite nuanced and multidimensional. I loved her loyalty and strength, and the depth of the love she had for Ma Zhai Xing really shone through in every scene she was in.

The entire Night Fury group was also amazing. I loved them as a team and as individuals, and the trajectories their characters went through were interesting and engaging. I was really invested in what became of them. When Wen Yan died I was gutted, and I was grateful that Hai Die and Mo Xiao had such a satisfying conclusion to their story.

I also adored Butler Shi. What a great character. He reminded me of one or two guys I know hehe. He had such a warm, endearing quality about him.

I’m realizing that I could sit here and name almost every character in this series. Despite some of the problems that I have with it, I’m reminded that the characters are exceptionally well-realized in this series.

The Story

Overall I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the story. It was exciting and engaging, and there were some very interesting side conflicts and intrigues. There was an overall sense of adventure and plenty of action, some really emotional moments and even comic relief.

When you think about it, almost every character had something deeper going on outside of the main plot, and those side/back stories were really interesting and varied. There was complexity to the characters and their motives and experiences without it overcomplicating the plot.

The romances were not my cup of tea. I’ll get into that later on. But despite being the thread that ran through the entire story, they really didn’t feel central to it and it was easy to simply enjoy the show while putting aside the annoyances I had with the romances (I did this primarily by consciously choosing to take the story at face value, and choosing to believe that Ma Zhai Xing really was through with Prince Bo).

The show did a great job of getting me engaged and keeping me interested, giving me a story that was complex without being confusing, emotional without being too sappy (with some exceptions). The action, fight scenes, battles, etc. were exciting without feeling fake and cliche. There were some well-choreographed scenes.

I really can’t complain about much. I mean, there were times when I was watching this series that I thought I hated it, but in retrospect I can see that I really loved it in spite of some of the flaws, which I’ll discuss in a moment.

The Soundtrack

The soundtrack was quite good, even if it felt repetitive when I was bingeing the show. So many songs have stuck with me since I finished the series. I especially like Backflow by Jolin Tsai (second-last song on the playlist I linked). Of course I would have loved a song or two with GG, but the soundtrack we got was memorable.

What I hated

I really struggled with some aspects of this series.

I found Bao Na mostly unwatchable. She was incredibly annoying. As a character she had all the traits I dislike. Whiny, stalker, demanding, emotionally immature, jealous... I really couldn’t stand that character for a lot of the series.

It’s true that she started to redeem herself a bit through the course of the series but she never really evolved into someone I wanted to see more of. I definitely had some moments where I liked her and sympathized with her, but mostly she grated on my nerves.

I also hated Prince Bo through most of the series, and found it insulting that I was expected to view him as the protagonist and cheer for him to win the princess’s heart. I felt that the ‘love-hate’ thing between Prince Bo and Ma Zhai Xing was overplayed to a point where I lost all sympathy with Prince Bo and desperately wanted him to die a horrible death through much of the series.

His behavior didn’t reflect someone who was in love but wanted to protect her. Much of his behavior was excessive and gratuitous, much worse than was necessary to achieve its stated goal. He was incredibly emotionally and psychologically abusive toward Ma Zhai Xing to a degree that was often really hard to watch. Especially his near-rape of her.

This is a man that I didn’t want to see redeemed. This is a man I wanted to see burned alive. No one who truly loved Ma Zhai Xing would be even remotely capable of the actions Prince Bo took.

I will admit that he did begin to redeem himself in my eyes a bit later in the series, but not to where I could ever see him with Ma Zhai Xing. I don’t think that’s the sort of treatment one can ever redeem in a relationship. He might be able to redeem himself, but not the relationship. There are some lines, once crossed between people, that one can never come back from.

I actually felt that Yao Ji was a much better match for Prince Bo than the princess was. They were true equals with similarly difficult pasts, and similarly dark deeds to redeem themselves from. They were in so many ways perfect for each other.

Ji Chong and Ma Zhai Xing were a better match because they were more natural equals in terms of personality, values and life paths. There were tremendous parallels between the two of them. Although I ended up feeling she didn’t deserve him.

So for me, it was really difficult to get invested in the love stories I was presented with. Ultimately I found them all very unsatisfying. The people I wanted to see together were treated as unsuitable for each other in ways that were completely unbelievable, and the people I was expected to want to see together had unconvincing chemistry and incompatibilities that I couldn’t overlook.

Seeing Ma Zhai Xing die in the end was an OUTRAGE. Especially when I read about the director’s rationale for that decision.

“Her thought process on killing off “Zhai Xing” was that “King Bo” had done so much for her that it was time for her to do something for him. “Her character had matured the most in the series. Dying for Wolf Boy is the best ending for this identity of hers. To me, this perfect ending is even more in line with her character’s growth.””

I found that shocking. I couldn’t disagree more with this sentiment. She wasted so much of herself and her life for Prince Bo. He treated her like crap, and he didn’t ever truly do anything to redeem himself from that behavior. He should have been the one to die.

In my opinion, REAL character growth for Ma Zhai Xing would have been to see her overcome the fixation with Wolf Boy and with Prince Bo and just move on with her life.

I will say this, though: By the time Ma Zhai Xing died in the show, her character had already been so utterly and thoroughly decimated beyond all recognition via the Prince Bo housewife trajectory that there was no point in her surviving.

The absolute worst moment for me, though, was Ji Chong ending up with Bao Na. Talk about adding insult to injury. This is the one thing that Ji Chong did as a character that ran against my understanding of him as a character.

You could have done anything at all to Ji Chong, including killing him or turning him into a villain, and it would have been less of an insult to me than putting him with Bao Na.

I do try to interpret his invitation for them to travel together in a non-romantic way (despite the fact that in the world of the show there’s no way that a princess is going to go traveling with a prince without her reputation being ruined unless they are a couple). But when I tell myself that he took her traveling to get her away from court and give her some life experience - as friends only - then it becomes less of a bitter pill to swallow. I could see him doing that for her, and I could see them developing a strong friendship through their travels.

I just can’t see them as remotely romantically compatible. Not on any level.

I found it completely unconvincing that the most emotionally mature, honorable person in the entire series who had the healthiest boundaries and a lot of worldly experience and intelligence, would have any interest whatsoever in someone as emotionally immature, childish and inexperienced (and with no boundaries whatsoever) as Bao Na.

I would have preferred it if they’d framed that whole thing as him being a sort of big brother/mentor figure to her.

I felt like I saw chemistry and compatibility between Bao Na and Fourth Prince Chu You Ze, and I would have loved to see them end up together. They were much more at an equal footing. I was expecting that to be the outcome and it would have been a sweet one. They would have made a cute couple.

Final thoughts

The romances in this story seemed fixated on unhealthy, often misogynistic power imbalances and they were really, really hard to watch. Not just in terms of Prince Bo and Ma Zhai Xing but also the ugly Ji Chong and Princess Bao Na hookup they tried to get me to swallow at the end. I hate that kind of ‘love’ story. I prefer seeing actual equals find each other in the great wide world.

However, pretty much everything else about the series was excellent. Ji Chong owns my heart and I only wish I could see more of him. GG completely blew me away and far exceeded all of my expectations.

Overall, I really love this series and will definitely be rewatching it.

[askomori]

Since mod is offering hot takes I’d like to know what in your opinion is most likely to be the actual ending. Not by what you’ve read on the internet but judging from your own thoughts and your own experiences with these kinds of feelings. Do you genuinely believe Sunny would head out to talk to his friends? Do you think it all would be enough to get him to confront his past? Or do you think he’s more so destined to stay locked up in his bedroom and his dreamworld?

LONG POST............... KEK

>Do you genuinely believe Sunny would head out to talk to his friends?

honestly, not until sunny starts healing from everything that happened. he didn’t leave the house for 4 years even though kel never stopped trying to check in on him. even if all his friends received the truth well and didn’t hold it against him, that severe habitual isolation doesn’t go away overnight. maladapted coping mechanisms that arise from ptsd, especially ones that overtake your personality, take a tremendous amount of willpower to overcome. he would need years of working through the trauma in therapy.

he wasn’t ever a sociable kid, he was sort of awkward and uncomfortable around other people. mari was the one who helped him make friends, and you can see throughout the photo albums that he got more comfortable around them. its terrible that she had to die in that way because not only is mari not there to support him anymore, but the guilt is driving him into total isolation.

because i understand him well, i can identify that a lot of this is explained by schizoid personality disorder. (one thing this criteria list i attached below doesn’t explain well is the description “desires” nor “enjoys”. the misconception comes from, by nature of the disorder, being unresponsive to therapists, and often they may outright say they don’t want relationships because they’ve given up. it definitely presents that way though, and sunny definitely presents that way, with dropping out of school and not responding to kel’s attempts to help him.

i needed to clear this up because otherwise id get a bunch of people who don’t understand the disorder going “but he had friends when he was younger!”) 

^the criteria for reference. (more on szpd if you’re interested: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559234/). 

(authors note: i love the flat affect representation because i never see that in media) (another side note: i love the juxtaposition of sunny’s flat affect and omori’s extreme emotions. its very accurate to someone who is terrified of showing emotions due to a trauma that involved them)

>Do you think it all would be enough to get him to confront his past?

luckily, moving out of the house that mari died in will be really good for him. and moving towns will also help him learn how to go outside again, because he no longer has the extra hurdle of worrying about seeing his old friends like he did for years before he told them the truth. he has space to sort through his feelings at his own pace without the unintentional pressure sunny felt because of his friends (ahem, kel) who were just trying to help and wanted him to be happy.

after finally getting the weight off his chest about the truth, he has a good start on confronting the past. there will be ups and downs, but i believe in him.

>Or do you think he’s more so destined to stay locked up in his bedroom and his dreamworld?

in the bad ending, yes. but in the true ending he accepted and embraced omori, the part of himself he thought was irredeemable, the part of him he was in his own psychological civil war with. (jfc this visual made me cry.)

 i know this isn’t a fluffy feels good answer and it made people mad when i answered this in a fandom server haha... but its realistic. to gloss over the painful truth of this game is to flat out disrespect the themes it portrays. this game is a tragedy, its not pleasant, but that’s what its like when you go through trauma and debilitating mental illness. its not realistic to just have one conversation in the hospital and all of a sudden everyone lives happily ever after. his friends will need time to process the truth as well.

but! i believe in everyone to resolve everything that they went through. they can bond through their shared pain and understanding each others perspectives, and i know they’ll come out the other side stronger.

—

EDIT: I JUST REALIZED you asked if the real world events of the game were realistic. yeah fr when he left his house and stayed out all day and then did it again thrice i was like ok he built different... i could never

but if kel was knocking on sunny’s door every day since he learned sunny was moving, then it is a possibility sunny would give it a chance and would have built up the courage after a while because “im moving in 3 days so why not”.

remember: waiting for something to happen?

—

EDIT 2: so i’m playing the hikikomori route and i like af that the player gets that choice. so far, this route is accurate too. i highly recommended playing both routes.

—

please do not be ableist in my askbox in response to this! i will literally crazy murder you!!!

[bettsfic]

Hi Betts, hoping for your guidance if you have the time. No pressure really. But my course will be focusing quite a bit on Shakespeare for the rest of this year. Do you have any advice for someone who isn’t really a writer on how to understand Shakespeare better? Have you read much of it? How did you tackle understanding the language? Is it just reading a lot more of it and looking up words? I struggle getting through one play, but is it just pushing through it? Resources you found helpful?

i feel like i’ve been waiting my whole life for this question. 

i’m feral for shakespeare. i have a hamlet tattoo. i have an unfortunate number of monologues memorized on the off-chance someone at some point goes “hey does anyone know any good monologues?” and i can be all “TO BE OR FUCKING NOT TO BE, BITCHES” or “ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE FUCKING MORE.” i have an actual literal lecture on how richard ii is a greedy glamazon bitch, and an outline for an article on how lady macbeth can teach us everything we need to know about sympathy in fiction.

like many people, high school made me despise shakespeare. i can’t tell if it was the simple coercion of being forced to read things, period, or that we were made to treat everything so seriously, and expected to understand the use of language as if it were like anything else we were reading. 

then when i was 23ish, i got obsessed with doctor who, which led me to david tennant’s filmography, and david tennant happens to have done really a lot of shakespeare. when i geared up to watch his hamlet, however, i thought, i want to read this first, so i can see how different it is from my perception of it.

cue me surreptitiously scrolling through the wikisource version of hamlet while pretending to listen to conference calls at work. i think that helped, making it something i wasn’t allowed to do. it made reading feel like an indulgence. 

free of the constraints of “i’m going to have to write a five-paragraph essay about this when i’m done,” i began to read very casually, only trying to understand what was going on and not trying to find any profound meaning in it. 

in doing that, i realized i was actually doing it correctly. these are plays, meant to be performed on a stage, to entertain, immerse, and evoke feeling. you’re supposed to be sad at the end of tragedies and happy at the end of comedies. however, reading the plays is a far different experience than watching them, and in many ways more of a challenge.

you can’t read a play, especially a shakespeare play, like a book. prose and poetry both lend themselves to crafting intentional images. the entire thing exists to be and only be read. but plays and scripts are just one piece of a much larger puzzle, involving directors and actors and costume designers and set designers. bringing a play to life is a team effort. when you’re reading, you’re only seeing the skeleton of the story. it’s like reading a guidebook for a vacation destination. you can get the gist of it but only truly know a place by going there.

you can’t read shakespeare as a reader. you have to read as a director. you have to envision each actor, and after every line, decide where they are standing on stage, how they deliver their line, and what happens between each line. shakespeare gives almost no stage direction, so you have a lot of creative license in interpretation.

another thing to remember is that shakespeare is first and foremost a rhetorician. he wanted his words to be memorable and beautiful, to persuade and delight. if he wanted to be understood simply, he would have written simply. but instead, he uses 17 lines where 1 would have sufficed. it’s helpful, after every line, to consciously ask yourself, “what has just been said?” and very often the answer is simple. a yes or a no, i agree or disagree, or even sometimes banal statements.

consider hamlet’s “to be or not to be.” he goes on and on and on, but he’s really just being the “guess i’ll just die” meme. in the comedies, shakespeare often uses this effect as a joke. one character will go on and on, and another character gives a simple and curt and blunt reply, and depending on the delivery, it’s hilarious. 

you’re not supposed to love hamlet, or richard ii, or macbeth, or any other character. the tragedies are train wrecks that make you go “i get why you’re doing this but you need to Stop.” the comedies are similar, in that the characters sometimes make you go “you are being so fucking stupid.” it’s the sense of irony, the “i know what’s right in this situation but you don’t” that creates a huge amount of engagement. we’re always bracing ourselves for what comes next.

so here’s how i recommend reading shakespeare:

pick a play, and pick a version or two to watch afterward. here’s a really great list of productions. personally, i’d stick to ones where you’re familiar with the actors, which heightens the engagement. 

before you start reading, consciously cast each character, using actors you really like. or, instead of actors, you can cast your favorite characters as if they were in an AU version of your current fandom. reading shakespeare as fanfic is a speedy way of ensuring your emotional investment.

pull up the wikipedia plot summary of the play to have on hand while you read. every few pages or so, line your reading up with the summary to make sure you’ve caught onto what’s been happening.

as you read, direct the actors you’ve chosen. how do they deliver the line? sometimes this takes a few tries. you can’t let your eyes move left to right across the page and just expect to miraculously understand it as if it were prose. you have to puzzle it out.

if you’re really stuck on something, pull up the spark notes version. there’s no shame in that. if you compare with spark notes enough, you begin to get a sense of the language and begin to need it less and less.

when you’re done, order a pizza, pour a glass of wine, and watch your chosen production version. delight in already understanding what’s happening, figure out where you might have been wrong or confused, and revel in the places you were right. 

watch another production and see how your version, the last version, and this version all differ. 

if you get all the way to this point and you’re not utterly in love, i don’t know what to tell you. i think i watched wyndham theater’s much ado over a hundred times. rsc’s hamlet probably just as much. i have yet to watch or read a single play i didn’t at least appreciate. i’m one of the few people who even enjoys titus andronicus. 

shakespeare takes a lot of energy, but it’s worth it. once you get a feel for the strings he pulls and how he pulls them, it’s like opening a door to a whole other world. you see clips of phrases from this play or that, understand subtle references, and see how his influence exists in nearly everything. you can use his characters and plots and dynamics in all your own work. you can reach backward to see his own influences in greek plays, and forward to see his influences throughout all of literature. it’s amazing, not just who he was, but how his plays are still both so beautiful and so human. 

i’ve skipped over rhetoric, craft, the sonnets, and a few other things that i really enjoy about shakespeare, but those are probably topics for another time. if you’re looking for somewhere to start, i highly recommend much ado about nothing, particularly the wyndham 2009 production with david tennant and catherine tate which is genuinely one of the funniest things i’ve ever watched. it’s fun to compare it to the 1994 kenneth branaugh film and then rage against whedon’s 2013 travesty. 

best of luck in your shakespearean pursuit!

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 9: Follow The Rules]

Hi y’all, I hope you are all doing well 💜

Chapter summary: Veronica has some questions, Roger has a plan, John has a short temper. 

This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.

Chapter warnings: Language, medical stuff, pregnancy.

Chapter list (and all my writing) available HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @loveandbeloved29​ @killer-queen-xo​ @maggieroseevans​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​ @namelesslosers​ @inthegardensofourminds​ @deacyblues​ @youngpastafanmug​ @sleepretreat​ @hardyshoe​ @bramblesforbreakfast​ @sevenseasofcats​ @tensecondvacation​ @bookandband​ @queen-crue​ @jennyggggrrr​ @madeinheavxn​ @whatgoeson-itslate​ @brianssixpence​ @simonedk​ @herewegoagainniall​ @stardust-killer-queen​

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! :)

At the wedding, Roger is wearing a cast on his right arm and a dazzling smile...and a white suit that he looks criminally good in.

John is in black, Brian in blue, Freddie in maroon-colored velvet and heavy eyeliner. Veronica’s dress is high-waisted and falls in huge, billowing, shapeless ruffles to hide her silhouette. Her family knows, of course—it’s written all over the tense, grim lines of their mouths and the blades their pale eyes hurl at John—but none of those strict Catholics are going to mention an out-of-wedlock pregnancy in God’s house, nor at the modest reception in the church basement that follows the ceremony.

Veronica’s mother and aunts and sisters are just like her, docile and milky-skinned and small-boned, and you’ve helped them deck the vast room with enough flowers, ribbons, candles, and balloons to make everyone forget this event was thrown together in five weeks and on a shoestring budget. There’s a simple buffet with pot roast and potatoes and vegetables, a live band (some of John’s old friends from high school), and a homemade Polish honey cake baked by Veronica’s grandmother situated regally on a china serving dish. Veronica and John cycle through the tables of guests, smiling and nodding and thanking them for coming, dutifully and yet also seemingly genuinely cheerful.

“The boning is bloody impaling me,” Chrissie murmurs as she tugs at the bodice of her gown. It’s satin and a muted pink, just like yours and Mary’s and Veronica’s sisters’. “If I happen die, wrap me in one of those nice tablecloths I paid for and throw me in a ditch somewhere, will you love?”

“You got it.” You stab a piece of potato with your fork. “This should inspire you to be especially compassionate towards your own bridesmaids! Maybe no horrid shiny green.”

Brian chuckles. “Good luck with that.”

“Are you comfortable?!” Chrissie asks Mary, exasperated, fanning herself with a wedding program.

“I am,” Mary admits cautiously. “But...well...at the moment, I think my dress is a bit...roomier.”

Chrissie moans, dropping her face into her hands. “I always gain when the students go home for summer. My routine is wrecked, all I want to do is read Glamour magazines and listen to records, it’s too damn hot to go walking...and I adore ice cream.”

“I like you just fine,” Brian reassures her.

Freddie snickers as he taps his cigarette against an ashtray. “Yes, we’re all well aware of your anatomical preferences, Bri.”

Chrissie rolls her eyes. “Please do not elaborate.” She’s not offended—she’s far too used to Freddie’s shenanigans to be offended—but she’ll be embarrassed if he makes a scene at a wedding.

“Darling, I don’t care what anyone tries to tell you, plenty of men love a little extra meat on the bones. Particularly the ass bones.”

“We’re in God’s house!” you scold him in a hiss. “You’re going to give Great Aunt Zofia over there an aneurysm if she hears you!”

Roger quips: “Great Aunt Zofia stole the last kielbasa right out of my disabled, ineffectual  grasp, so fuck her.”

You all burst into shocked, uncontrollable laughter. Great Aunt Zofia squints judgmentally at the commotion from several tables away, gnawing on her kielbasa; she’s been glaring at John and Veronica—the Tetzlaffs’ very own fallen angel—since she first ambled into the church. Roger rocks back in his chair, smoking with his unbroken left arm, smirking cockily and basking in the distraction from the real world that the wedding has gifted you all tonight. He catches you watching him—marveling at him, truthfully—and winks.

John appears and rests his hands on the back of your chair. “What’s so amusing? I swear, I leave you people alone for two hours and you’re having all sorts of fun without me, I won’t stand for it!”

“It was a lovely ceremony,” you tell him. “I’d forgotten how beautiful Catholic weddings are, all the music and ambiance.”

“And from what I saw, you knew most of the words.”

“We have a lot of Irish people in Boston. Saint Patrick’s Day is bigger than Christmas.”

John points at Roger’s cast. “It’s not paining you too much, is it?”

Roger holds his Dark ‘n Stormy aloft, and ice clinks in the misted glass. “Enough of these, and I can’t feel anything. Numb to the world’s many disappointments. I highly recommend it.”

“Noted,” John replies. Roger has pills for his arm, but they only take the edge off. You don’t know that because he’s told you; Roger never tells you that he’s hurting, that he’s frustrated, that he’s afraid. He wears grins and flippant humor like a second skin, shrouding his wounds—both physical and disembodied, old and new—in darkness. Still...you can see all those words he doesn’t say swimming in the depths of his eyes. “I think I’ll hunt down a Manhattan myself.”

“Dad made an impression!” you tell John enthusiastically. “I’ll have to let him know, he’ll be overjoyed.”

“He mixes a good one, that’s for sure. I doubt Cousin Bartosz will be able to compare.” He casts a glance at a perplexed-looking, flame-haired teenager manning a tiny wet bar.

“Booze won’t help you heal,” Freddie informs Roger, checking his reflection in Mary’s makeup compact and fluffing his lustrous hair. “Eat your vegetables. Get more sleep. When do you start physical therapy, again?” Then, to you: “Darling, when does Roger start his therapy?”

Roger sighs. “I’ve got it handled, Fred.”

“Dear, don’t have a fit, I just want to make sure you’ll be ready—”

“I’ve got it handled,” Roger repeats, his tone a warning.

Brian breaks the tension with a toast, his Vesper jangling against Roger’s Dark ‘n Stormy. “I’m thrilled, honestly. Now I’m not the only one who’s ruined a tour.”

Roger grimaces. “Thanks, Bri.”

“Yes, let’s all have a turn,” Freddie mutters, sipping champagne. “Deaky can electrocute himself while fiddling with his amp, and then I’ll...what? Have my foot chewed off by an alligator in New Orleans? Get gored by a wild boar outside Atlanta? It just can’t be a boring maiming, that’s my only request.”

“Alaska has grizzlies, huge ones,” Brian suggests.

“Darling, in what dimension would my luxurious self ever end up in fucking Alaska?”

You shake your head, frowning down into your wine glass. It’s June now, the dead center of a crestfallen year: the rest of the Sheer Heart Attack Tour is cancelled, the record company is furious, and the band is broker than ever. Queen is supposed to start recording their next album—their last album, the record company insists, unless it happens to be a runaway success—in July, but you don’t know if Roger’s arm will be healed in time. None of you know that. You wonder if this really is God’s house, or at least one of his homes, sanctified piles of bricks and glass scattered across the globe; maybe you could ask Him where Queen’s future lies.

Veronica swoops in and dusts an airy kiss onto Mary’s cheek, and then Chrissie’s, and then yours. “Thank you so much,” she gushes. Her high cheekbones are flushed, her watery eyes sparkling. She’s in heaven, sinner or not. Her massive white dress swishes with every step. “We couldn’t have done it without you. And you’re next, Chris! I can’t wait.”

Chrissie smiles. She and Brian are getting married just before Christmas. “Yes, well, time will tell if we’ll be serving Christmas ham or canned beans.”

“And then Mary...” Veronica’s gaze migrates across the table. Mary’s been wearing a ring on her wedding finger since Queen returned from Japan, a simple gold band that once belonged to Freddie’s mother. “What about you, Y/N? Any plans? Then we’d all be hitched!”

Red wine spurts from your lips and you fumble for a cloth napkin. Roger doesn’t believe in marriage, and neither do you; not after only four months together, anyway. And yet...is there some part of you that can’t help but think of papers and rings when you get lost in his eyes, of promises of forever, of some way to tie yourself to him like vessels to a heart? Sure; and that’s a little wonderful, that’s a little terrifying. “Uh, uh, oh, oh no, definitely no plans whatsoever.”

“What bollocks!” Rog sneers. “Really, what’s the point if you’re not religious? Who needs a bloody piece of paper to prove they love someone?! ‘I care for you so much I need the government to know we’re together and the hassle of divorce fees to make me stay,’ what the fuck. I mean, uh, no offense John, Bri, uh...this is all well and good for you, but...ah...”

“It’s just not your scene. That’s fine, Rog,” Freddie says with a tad too much empathy. Mary doesn’t seem to notice.

“But you’ll want children at some point, won’t you?” Veronica asks you, almost pained. She’s not trying to be cruel, you realize; she genuinely can’t fathom the pinnacle of a woman’s life as anything but being a wife and mother.

“Theoretically, sure. One day. Eventually.” You titter nervously. Roger’s good arm circles your shoulders, his cigarette lofting smoke. Oh, but wouldn’t he make beautiful children? You push that thought away. It’s too soon, it’s too much, it’s not in the cards for an impoverished maybe-drummer and his girlfriend; and a girlfriend—with all the intangibility and impermanence that title entails—is all I’ll ever be. “I think I need to travel the world a bit more first.”

John sighs and pats the back of Veronica’s hand. What is that weight in his voice...impatience? Annoyance? “Ronnie, please, don’t bother her.”

Veronica sulks, scraping the old scuffed linoleum floor with her pointy white heels. “I wasn’t trying to bother anyone...”

Mary comes to the rescue: “No, of course not. You didn’t, dear.” She likes Veronica more than Chrissie does. Isn’t she oppressively vapid? Chrissie has asked you more than once. Isn’t she so miserably naïve? Veronica is sweet, sure, but she has no fucking idea what she’s in for. “Babies are wonderful, but they do make things harder, don’t you think? Especially for the mother. You have to be ready to drop everything for them. All your other interests and aspirations.”

“I suppose,” Veronica mumbles. You can tell she’s thinking: What other aspirations?

“But you must be so excited!” You beam up at Veronica. It’s her wedding day, and John’s; it should be happy, it should be optimistic. And you’re learning to like Veronica—less than Mary, but more than Chris—because you know that’s the best thing for John.

She instinctively rests her hand on the swell of her belly; or, rather, where it must be somewhere beneath all those heaps of satin and tulle. Great Aunt Zofia’s glare intensifies. “I’m scared to death, to tell you the truth.”

“Why?!” Mary cries.

“I’m so afraid something will happen to him.” Veronica’s voice is soft, her blue eyes glassy. She’s certain the baby is a boy, claims she had some sort of dream about it. “There’s a lot of bad luck going around for us, isn’t there? And my mother lost four babies. Any time he stops moving, I worry constantly until my next appointment. I haven’t felt anything in days, and I just...I just...” She trails off, staring vacantly across the crowded church basement. She’s trying not to cry, you realize.

“I can try to check for you,” you offer. “If it would make you feel better.”

“Really?” Veronica sounds hopeful, but guardedly so.  

“This is embarrassing, but I carry my nurse kit almost everywhere I go now. That’s why I brought my huge blue purse even though it doesn’t match the dress. You know, you can’t be too careful...”

“Yes, who knows when someone will try something idiotic like jogging backwards down the stairs?” Freddie muses. Roger lobs a pierogi at him. Great Aunt Zofia wheezes out a disgusted huff and crosses her veiny, wrinkled arms over her sagging chest.

“I have a stethoscope,” you continue. “I can’t guarantee I’ll find a heartbeat, but I’ll give it a try if that would help.”

“Would you, Y/N?” Veronica clutches for John’s hand, and he lets her take it without any resistance; but he doesn’t seem to know how to comfort her. He has the same dazed look on his face that he has a lot these days, the same look that Bri and Freddie sometimes get: like they’re on autopilot, like they’re actively filtering through brainwaves to fish out any that wander astray. Roger lands a kiss on your bare shoulder and pitches you a playful smirk, his I’m so proud of my too-fucking-smart girlfriend smirk.  

You grab your purse from beneath the table. “Does God’s house have a cozy private spot somewhere?”

Veronica leads you, Mary, and Chrissie to a small unoccupied room that is used (how pertinently) as the church nursery. The pink wallpaper is dotted with waddling ducklings, cloud-shaped sheep leaping over fences, smiling suns and winged cartoonish angels. Veronica settles into a faded blue couch, and Mary and Chris help her shove aside the massive plumes of her wedding dress to reveal the plain shift she’s wearing underneath. She’s over five months along now, and her entirely unremarkable bump seems colossal on her delicate frame.

You pop the headset into your ears and press the chestpiece against Veronica’s unyielding belly, gliding it over the pearly shift as you try different positions.

“Anything?” Mary asks anxiously.

“It’s not bloody instant, Mary!” Chrissie snaps. “Be quiet so she can listen.”

“No need to be cranky—”

“You can’t find a heartbeat, can you?” Veronica says, her voice quivering. “Oh god...”

“Found it,” you announce. You hold the chestpiece in place as you yank the headset off and pass it to Veronica.

She gapes at you. “You’re just saying that so I’ll stop worrying, aren’t you?”

“Hear for yourself.”

Veronica takes the headset and listens, closing her eyes as the rapid-fire and rhythmic swishing of her child’s heartbeat floods through her ears. “Oh,” she breathes, beaming. “There he is.”

“That’s incredible!” Mary trills. “Can I hear too, Veronica? Whenever you’re finished...”

Mary listens, and Chrissie does too, and then you all help touch up Veronica’s hair and makeup before you head back to the reception. The cake is due to be cut in twelve minutes. As you smooth the short train on her dress, Veronica turns back to you.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” she asks timidly, hugging her belly. “You know...for this.”

“That’s something I’ve always liked about nursing. So many jobs require sorting out who’s right and wrong, casting judgment, assigning punishment. There’s no weighing of the moral scales in medicine. It doesn’t matter if a patient is trustworthy, deceitful, good, bad, worthy, undeserving, if they disappoint you, if they’re the ones who hurt themselves. You treat everyone, you heal everyone. And I would like to keep that part of myself for as long as I can.” You smile at Veronica. “But, for the record, no. I don’t think you’re a bad person at all.”

She sighs in relief, untethering an anchor she hadn’t even known she’d been dragging around by her throat. “Thank you,” she whispers, tears snaking down her powdered ivory cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on.”

“How do you feel about marble lion statues? You know, the ones at the end of long, winding driveways. Rich people’s driveways. Mansion driveways. Or do you prefer gargoyles?”

“Roger.”

He groans, grins, presses his right fist into your palm. You measure the force with your mind, with your muscle memory. He’s stronger than he was yesterday, the day before, last week. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Rog teases. “You’ve got a soft spot for damaged people. Helpless people. That’s why you warmed to Brian so quickly. He was lying there all gaunt and jaundiced and terrified, and you just couldn’t resist, you just had to make sure all his wildest dreams came true.”

“I have a soft spot for self-destructive musicians who end up in hospitals, evidently.” Your gaze cruises over the scar on Roger’s forearm where the surgeons popped his bones back into place, stabilized them, stitched the ragged gore closed. You hate looking at it; you hate reminders of how mortal Roger really is.

“I want lions,” Rog decides. “For the driveway of our eventual mansion. I like the Leo connection.”

“And the Queen crest connection.”

His grin widens, toothy and radiant. “See, I knew you were the love of my life.”

“Come on. Again.”

He winces this time. “Doesn’t hurt a bit.”

“Uh huh. I bet.” You’ve slathered his fresh blisters with numbing antiseptic ointment, iced his arm, administered pain medicine, allowed him the constant sips of alcohol necessary for him to work, to drum, to sleep. But he still hurts. You imagine he hurts all the fucking time.

It’s August now, and Queen is recording their fourth album at Rockfield Farm. You and Roger are sitting by the pool as Freddie splashes around in the clear chlorine-smelling water trying to get John’s attention. John, meanwhile, is lounging on an inflatable raft, wearing black sunglasses and most likely asleep. Brian circles the pool snapping photos with your Canon F-1.

“I have a plan,” Roger informs you as he starts his stretches without prompting. He knows the drill, even if he likes to be difficult about it.

“By all means, enlighten me.”

“Fred’s thing, the weird one. It has a name now.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah. Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“Oh, it’s perfect!” You try to stay out of the band’s business decisions as much as possible; it’s not your expertise, and it’s not your place, and there are already a few too many creative chefs in that kitchen. Still, you love when they share their magic with you. “Eccentric, whimsical, exhilarating. Just like the song. Just like Queen.”

“I’m so glad you approve. We’re going to make sure it’s the first single off the album. And I know exactly what song’s going to be on the B-side. Freddie and Bri don’t know yet, but I do.”

“Sounds like they’re going to murder you when they find out.”

“I’ll convince them.” His grin is crafty, daring. “Picture it: you’ve just finished the incomparable experience that is Bohemian Rhapsody. You’re a newly converted Queen enthusiast. What could possibly come next? You flip the record over. And the virile, screeching, pure rock and roll passion of I’m In Love With My Car is there to greet you.”

“Oh my god, Roger.” You shake your head in mock mourning. “They actually are going to murder you.”

“Listen, love, BoRhap is going to be a hit. I can feel it.”

“Sure,” you agree lukewarmly. You want to be supportive, you really do. But disappointment stings more than resignation.

“It will be,” Roger maintains, unmovable. “And it’ll sell mountains and mountains of singles...and with my song on the B-side, I’ll get half the royalties. Which means we’ll get half the royalties.”

“Which is how we end up with the hypothetical mansion.”

“I’m being serious.” Roger picks up his mini barbell weights from the water-splattered concrete and begins his bicep curls, flinching each time he lifts his right fist.

“Rog—”

“I’m fine,” he insists. “I’m going to make this happen. I’m going to get rich so I can provide for my family. You know about that, you know it’s on my list. And my family includes you now.”

“I don’t need a mansion, Roger.” I just need you. You stare at his right arm worriedly. “Are you sure—?”

“I’m fine!” he shouts, and you recoil. Brian peers over from where he’s taking pictures of blooming purple foxgloves. Instantly, Roger regrets it. “I’m sorry,” he says, setting down the barbells and cradling your face with his rough, bandaged hands. “I have to be fine, you know? I don’t have a choice. If I can’t play, I can’t be in the band. If I leave, John will leave too, and that’ll be the end of everything. Or worse, John will break the pact and stay and they’ll find a new drummer and forget all about me. Sail off into some blissful new future. And where will I be? Moping as I drag myself back to dental school? Becoming a freaking lab biologist? Resigning myself to being some excruciatingly ordinary bloke, someone who climbed just far enough out of Cornwall to know everything he’s missing out on?”

You try to imagine who Roger would be without the band, but you can’t. You’ve never known a pre-Queen Roger. “No,” you say, amused. “You’ll never be just some ordinary bloke. You’re too brilliant, too determined. Even if you do have a dodgy arm.”

He kisses you, and you can feel his lips curling into a smile beneath yours. “So you’ll let me buy you a mansion.”

“If you get I’m In Love With My Car on the B-side, and BoRhap is a hit, and Freddie and Bri don’t smother you with a pillow in your sleep...yes, you can buy me a mansion. Buy us a mansion.”

He winks, his sapphire eyes glinting in the late-summer sunlight. “Watch out, baby. I get everything I want eventually.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s done,” John tells the others as he passes out copies of his new song, the second he’s ever written. There are only four sheets of crisp white paper; as you watch from the studio couch, you wonder what the song is about, why he didn’t mention it to you.

“It’s done?!” Brian yelps. “What do you mean, it’s done?! Nothing’s ever done after the first pass! That’s how it works, that’s how it always works, someone suggests something and then we all dice it and slice it and flip it around and stitch it back together like the world’s most maniacal surgeons, and then, only then, maybe, it’s done.”

You glance up from where you’re sewing an eleventh patch onto Roger’s jeans. “Must we disparage the medical profession?”

“Sorry, love,” Roger tosses to you with a laugh.                          

“It’s done,” John repeats.

“Deaky, darling,” Freddie ventures gently. “We should endeavor to keep our minds open to collaboration—”

“Oh, should we, Fred?!” Bri exclaims. “How extraordinary, you never seem to encourage collaboration when it’s your song on the cutting floor!”

“Okay space boy, you listen here—”

“‘I’m happy at home’?!” Roger reads, revolted. “We’re not the bloody Bee Gees, Deaks!”

John explains measuredly and patiently, as if to a child: “That’s the way it goes. We record it as it is or not at all.”

“That’s not how we do things,” Brian mutters, deep frown lines chiseled through his face as he scans the lyrics.

“Then just fill the album with your and Fred’s songs like you always do, I’m sure that’ll keep me and Roger loyal.”

Brian glares at John. John stares back stoically, his eyes like steel. Brian looks to Roger for support; Roger lights a cigarette and pretends not to notice.

“Darling, please, you’re not being reasonable!” Freddie pleads.

“I need it.” John turns to Roger now. “I need it to stay the way it is.”

Rog just watches him for a while, exhales smoke, shrugs. “Okay,” he says at last.

“Okay?!” Brian howls. “What do you mean, okay?!”

“He said he needs it,” Roger replies simply.

Bri throws his hands into the air. “Bleeding christ! ‘He needs it.’ What rubbish! Do something, Fred!”

“Oh relax, darling.” Freddie sashays to the microphone and points to Brian’s Red Special. “Let’s try it out.”

“But—!”

Roger claps Brian on the back as he trots by him towards the drum kit. “Come on, Bri. Big smiles. Just picture the nice shiny pounds from all those album sales plinking into your bank account. You’ll have fifty Christmas hams at the wedding, one for every guest.”

You listen passively from the couch as they rehearse, trying not to let on that you’re paying attention, trying not to overstep. But you can’t help being struck by the lyrics, feeling the somberness of Freddie’s voice and John’s tentative notes on the electric piano slink into your bones; because it sounds so familiar, because it echoes so many things that John has told you.

When Queen takes a mid-afternoon break and John slips into the kitchen for a Coke, you follow him.

“Hey John?”

“Yeah.” He rests his hands on the dining room table. They’re sturdy and unmarred and completely unlike Roger’s; and you aren’t sure why you notice this, but you do.

“I completely understand if I’m being intrusive, and if I am please just tell me to shut up and I will.”

He chuckles. “You’re never intrusive. Go ahead.”

“I was just wondering...who is You’re My Best Friend about?”

Now his smile evaporates. “No one in particular,” he says briskly. “It’s just a song. Just something to put on the album. Maybe a single one day. A soulless royalties grab.”

That seems unlikely. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He takes a swig of Coke, peers down at the table, traces swirls of centuries-old oak with his fingertips.

“It’s just...you know...well...it kind of sounded like...maybe it was about me.”

He looks up. And for the first time, John levels some of his infamous, razored words at you: “Don’t be such a fucking narcissist.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, John doesn’t apologize. But he smiles at you over tea, offers to clean off the fingerprints of strawberry jelly that Roger left on the Canon, splashes you from the pool as you sunbathe beneath lapis August skies. And you agree, wordlessly and unconditionally, to forgive him. Because John is your best friend, whether or not you’re still his.

Nine weeks later, Bohemian Rhapsody is released as a single. (And, as promised, Roger ensures that I’m In Love With My Car is on the B-side.)

Twelve weeks later, Bohemian Rhapsody reaches the #1 spot on the UK Singles Chart, and remains there for over two months.

Fifteen weeks later, A Night At The Opera becomes the #1 album in the UK.

Fifteen weeks later, Queen’s future is suddenly crystal clear.

[hellreads]

Do you any super angsty fics like angsty angsty

hi there love, as I was checking my shelf for some angsty angsty fics to recommend I ended up pulling 50+ gvjhakgsdhjgsdjfk so I highly suggest you just check the angst fics I read here, but I will still be recommending the ones that I find really angsty, the ones that tear a hole in my heart, the ones that made me cry buckets of tears out of heartbreak and pain, the ones that haunt me and pull out all the sad feels from me whenever I’m reminded of these stories. 

p.s. I will sort this by member and will try to just list at least three or maybe five, okay five it is per member ~ the ones that made me feel very very angsty and very very emotional T_T | 🍒

Kim Namjoon

❥ Cut by @chimchimsauce➴ Anti-Soulmate!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ Namjoon always hated soulmates.

❥ Covenant by fringesofsanity➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Namjoon x Reader | Series➴ You are betrothed to Kim Namjoon, the heir of a real estate mogul. To say that it was a fairytale romance would be erroneous. You’re instead loped in the sad tale of the rich and melancholy.

❥ Ride or Die by @jungcock➴ Bestfriends/Road Trip!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ Jungkook was a terrible boyfriend, always abandoning you on the side of the road midst your many road trips. Thankfully, you had Namjoon to come pick you up every time he did and it was about time you reward him for it.

❥ Nothing Like Us by @chiminiemoans➴ Exes/Lovers!AU | Namjoon x Reader | Two-Shot➴ Your ex hears about your new toxic relationship and that is the jump start to get him going out to look for you. With the worry and jealousy he feels consuming him whole, he questions if he made the right decision in letting you go in the first place

❥ Not The One by @personawife➴ Soulmate!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot➴ There’s a fault in the cosmic system.

Kim Seokjin

❥ Epiphany by @floralseokjin➴ Exes!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ Sometimes it’s best to remember the past is just a memory…

❥ 2,561 Days by @gossamie➴ Marriage/Divorce!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ Two years of marriage could not stop the relationship from falling apart. As an attempt to seek closure before the divorce, Seokjin and you retrace your seven years together.

❥ Seven Seconds in Heaven by @jimlingss➴ Married!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ In the moment of your death, Heaven drops the hammer of punishment; making him travel back in time to relive memories that can never be changed. Seven memories. Seven minutes in each. Seven seconds before they are ripped away.

❥ Currents by @yeoldontknow➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot➴ Jin thinks he’s loved you since the moment he saw you, back when you were teenagers; Jin knows he’s been in love with you, the soul burning kind of love, since he saw you on your wedding day. He doesn’t mind that you don’t reciprocate on his level, he’s just happy to show you he cares. Until one day, he simply can’t anymore. Until one day, you realize you need to show him you care, too.

❥ Bad Guy by @sweetbunnykook➴ Married/Mob!AU | Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok x Yoongi | Series➴ After a brutal attack in Hong Kong, your marriage with Kim Seokjin cracks as secrets begin to surface and a series of betrayals find their way into the veins of the Hidden Tigers. Although Jin’s devotion endures, in his own definition, the reality of being a mob wife may be too much for you to bear.

Min Yoongi

❥ Please Be Naked by @floralseokjin➴ Rebound!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Namjoon | Series➴ You find it’s easy to become addicted to a distraction…

❥ Wildest Moments by @joonbird➴ Infidelity/F2L!AU | Yoongi x Reader | Series➴ “Min Yoongi is forbidden territory. And although you both know better, the two of you just can’t seem to stay apart.”

❥ Dead Leaves by wrienne➴ Married/Detective!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | Series➴ In which you (reader) are a homicide detective about to face the biggest hurdle both of your career and life.Married to probably the kindest but most boring man you’ve ever met and living in a town where nothing ever seems to happen means life for you is dull. Dull enough to drive you crazy with boredom and dissatisfaction. However, life changes abruptly when your old boss retires and a new man takes his place - a man you used to love (and sleep very regularly with) more than a decade ago. Especially when your husband comes home smelling of perfume, you’re unable to resist your more carnal urges and dead women start showing up across the city with unnerving frequency.

❥ Cheating by @jhspetitegf➴ Married/Infidelity!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | One-Shot➴ Married too young, too fast, the temptation is too great when an alluring stranger shows you the attention you crave.

❥ To Be Without by @serenililly➴ Producer!AU | Yoongi x Reader | Series➴ Funny how the world can shift in an instant. How you approached your bedroom with excitement only to walk away with a life forever changed.

Jung Hoseok

❥ Piece by Piece by @underthejoon➴ FWB/F2L!AU | Seokjin x Reader x Hoseok | Drabbles | Series➴ You’re in love with your best friend but you’re using someone else to forget. love triangle.

❥ The Gentlemen’s Club by @brookelegend➴ Gentleman/Club!AU | Hoseok x Reader | Series➴ You’ve been in a dating drought, more specifically, a sex drought. Your best friend has the perfect remedy for your problem: The Gentlemen’s Club.

❥ Ask and You Shall Receive by @floralseokjin➴ Sugar Daddy!AU | Hoseok x Reader | Series➴ Your sugar daddy says you don’t have to sleep with him if you don’t want to…trouble is, you do want to. You’re just nervous and a little inexperienced, but he catches on quick and begins to teach you the true pleasures of sex, and boy, are they good…

❥ Fake Love by @aquaminwrites➴ E2L/Fake Dating!AU | Hoseok x Reader | One-Shot➴ Every year, your family spends the holidays at your parents’ cottage in the country. Freshly single and not wanting to be picked apart by your family for being alone, you decide to recruit one of your friends to pretend to be your boyfriend.The only available volunteer? Your brother Namjoon’s roommate, Hoseok. Only problem? He absolutely hates your guts.

❥ Call Out My Name by @hobiwonder➴ Exes!AU | Hoseok x Reader | One-Shot➴ Hoseok needed closure.

Park Jimin

❥ Ineffable by fringesofsanity➴ FUBU!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ You’ve only bared your body to Jimin, mostly silent after the act. The one time you do, you find yourself baring your soul to him, far more than you bargained for.

❥ Right Person, Wrong Time by @mortaljin➴ Fuckboy!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ Park Jimin is a name that holds no significance in your heart right now. But it is a name that will haunt you for years.

❥ Slight Changes by @chiminiemoans➴ Idol/Infidelity!AU | Jimin x Reader x Taehyung | Series➴ Taehyung gets caught.

❥ Everything by @kpopfanfictrash➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ It’s funny how there are certain moments in your life which define you.

It’s funny how when you’re asked what was memorable to you in a year – the first things you think about are an odd, assorted jumble which make absolutely no sense out of context. People, faces, random speeches and words that moved you. I, for some reason, always think of a book. Last year, it was 1Q84. The year before that, it was The Name of the Wind.

I always think of a book – and then of Jimin.

❥ We Have One Hour Left to Live by @gossamie➴ Lovers/Apocalypse!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot➴ The world is ending soon. How will you and Jimin spend your last hour on this earth?

Kim Taehyung

❥ Dichotomy by @kpopfanfictrash➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series➴ You hate him. He hates you. It’s a fine line though, isn’t it – between love and hate?

❥ When You Least Expect It by @johobi➴ F2L/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook | Series➴ You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

❥ Who Cares by @floralseokjin➴ Lovers/Infidelity!AU | Seokjin x Named OC x Taehyung | Series➴ What happens when Taehyung falls for someone who’s already taken? Can he control his feelings or will they take over and render him powerless? In the end is it all her fault or his…?

❥ Clandestine by @ditzymax➴ Assassin!AU | Taehyung x Named OC x Jungkook | Series➴ As a professional assassin, Kim Kinsoo has many shrouded secrets in her life. Some of them she shares openly with her loving boyfriend, but there are other things he must never know.

❥ I Must Still Want You by @filmflowersbangtan ➴ F2L!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series➴ //

Jeon Jungkook

❥ Right of Way by fringesofsanity➴ Infidelity!AU | Jimin x Reader x Jungkook | Series➴ In theory, things were simple: your best friend was Jungkook’s girlfriend while your boyfriend, Jimin, was Jungkook’s best friend. In reality, things weren’t always that simple. And mutually exclusive.

❥ Only You by @sweetbunnykook➴ Stalker/Lovers!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Seokjin x Namjoon | Series➴ Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.

❥ Euphoria by @btssavedmylifeblr➴ Time Travel/Married!AU | Jungkook x Reader | One-Shot➴ At the end of your life, you are given one day to live again with the man you loved. A lifetime’s love story told in a single day.

❥ 2U by @sokiijk➴ Surrogate!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series➴ You were simply trying to make a living and give the opportunity of having children for the women who couldn’t. You meet a couple who plans to have a steady life — you being the last puzzle piece for it all. But you acknowledge the boyfriend, Jungkook, who questions if he actually wants it.

❥ Animal by @cutaepatootie➴ Boxer!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series➴ //

~ so that’s it! I hope you enjoy these recommendations, I do have a lot on my shelf so check them out if you want more, some of these stories are angsty through and through while others have this calm before the storm vibe and the angst will hit you hard it’ll hurt, prep a box of tissues (especially for those Jin fics, I cried the most reading them T_T) 

[theastrophilearchitect]

March TBR/W.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I want to consume in March 2021.

-Hence ‘TBR/W’ - to-be-read/watched.

I’m not usually a fan of pre-planning my media for the month - I plan out all my media obsessively, but doing it by month seems a little too much like setting deadlines for my taste, and I’m sure I’ll somehow manage to turn watching tv into a chore. Regardless, it’s worth a shot, so this is going to be a rough guide - I’m going to pick four of each category, one per week, because I’d rather underestimate and surpass than overestimate and have to defer things to the next month. So let’s go.

Books

1. Skyward and 2. Starsight by Brandon Sanderson

Skyward is set in a future where the human race is on the verge of extinction, trapped on a planet constantly attacked by alien warriors. Spensa, a teenage girl stuck on the planet, wants to be a pilot, but it seems far-off. Then, she finds the wreckage of a ship that appears to have a soul, and she must figure out how to repair it, and persuade it to help her navigate flight school.

In truth, I mainly want to read this because of how highly it’s been praised by Hailey in Bookland on YouTube. I actually tried reading Sanderson’s Mistborn series a couple years ago, and just didn’t click with it. I love fantasy, but I can pretty confidently say epic fantasy just isn’t for me. However, Sanderson’s work is adored by many, and Skyward and its sequel Starsight appeal so much more to me, and I can’t wait to get to them.

3. House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J Maas

This is Maas’s first technically-adult book; Throne of Glass is young adult, ACOTAR being classed either as young or new adult. I’ve been a fan of Maas for a long time, and, though I enjoy her books less now than I have in the past due to how seriously they tend to take themselves, I’d still love to read this one. Where her previous series were both fantasies, this sits somewhere between that and a sci-fi, but I can’t say as-of-yet what I think, because I haven’t read it yet.

Bryce Quinlan finds herself investigating her friends’ deaths in an attempt to avenge them after they were taken from her by a demon. Hunt Athalar is a Fallen angel, enslaved by Archangels, forced to assassinate their enemies, when he’s offered a deal to assist Bryce in exchange for his freedom.

4. Scythe by Neal Shusterman

I listened to this as an audiobook in 2019 as part of BookTuber Book Roast’s Magical Readathon, and didn’t hugely get along with it in truth. The audiobook was excellent as an audiobook, but the story Ian’s I just didn’t really vibe. I think I just want to like this book, so I think it’s worth a reread to see if my opinion changes.

This follows Citra and Rowan, a reluctant pair of apprentice Scythes - in a utopian future where humanity has the means to live forever, it is the job of the Scythes to control the population by essentially reaping the souls of those they choose to die. Neither Citra or Rowan want it, but I don’t remember enough about this book to say any more.

Audiobooks

1. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

This is the last book in the Hunger Games trilogy, and you either already know what this series is about, or you’ve been living under a rock for the last thirteen years. I read this book for the first time nearly seven years ago, and it’s stuck with me. It sent me into a phase of only reading dystopian books (The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken was part of this, and was the series that really got me into reading), but this was the main one that stuck with me. 

It contains a powerful message about capitalism and discrimination, and this is the second time I’ve listened to the audiobooks, though the god-only-knows-what time I’ve read the series. I listened to The Hunger Games and Catching Fire in February, which automatically puts this on my to-listen for March.

2. Ghosts of the Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, Kelly Link and Robin Wasserman

This is a novella bind-up set in the Shadowhunters world, that I would imagine has quite a bit to do with the Shadow Market, an aspect of the Downworld introduced in The Dark Artifices, which I finished in January.

In truth, I’m mainly planning to listen to this audiobook because it’s the only Shadowhunters novella bind-up with an audiobook, and I’d just rather read additions to the main Shadowhunters series in this format rather than physically.

3. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

This is a Hunger Games prequel that was released early last year, and I just wasn’t going to read it. I heard several reviews, the general consensus of which was basically that it’s not as good as the trilogy and is somewhat unnecessary, but, in truth, my curiosity’s got the better of me, especially since I started listening to the trilogy’s audiobooks again.

This prequel follows Coriolanus Snow as a mentor in the Games before he became President of Panem and the wonderful villain of the original trilogy.

4. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

I mentioned this in my physical TBR post a couple weeks ago, but have decided to listen to the audiobook instead. A few weeks ago, I’d started to run out of audiobooks I wanted to listen to, and didn’t want to read anything on my regular TBR in this format, including this book. But, I went through a load of audiobook recommendations, and this was one of them, so it joined my to-listen.

I’m not hugely into contemporary books, but I’ve wanted to get more into the genre for a while, and this was the first one to join my TBR.

This novel follows Eliza Mirk, your typical high school outcast, who publishes a hugely popular web comic under the pseudonym LadyConstellation. Then Wallace Warland, the biggest fanfic writer of her comic transfers to her school and begins to draw her out of her shell.

TV Shows

Before I go into my list, I’d like to mention that I am currently watching WandaVision and am definitely planning to watch Falcon and the Winter Soldier on Disney+, but both come out on a weekly basis, so aren’t being included on this list. Also, I’ve been watching way too much YouTube recently, so I’m not sure I’ll get through all of these this month, especially since I’m watching the Arrowverse shows, which have such long seasons.

1. Love, Victor Season 1

This Love, Simon spin-off follows a character named Victor at Creekwood (I think that’s the name?) High School. I saw Love, Simon twice in cinemas when it was released, and, miraculously, it made me cry. I love that movie.

This series was released last year on Hulu, which is only available in the US, but as of February 23rd, it’s one of the shows that came to Disney+ as part of Star.

2. The Flash Season 1

As mentioned, I’ve started watching the DC Arrowverse shows. I watch tv shows through alternating seasons - as in, I watch season 1 of show A, then season 1 of show B, then 2 of A, etc., then when I finish one, I start watching show C - but I’m treating the Arrowverse as one show (even though it isn’t) so it’s not the only thing I’m watching. So this is technically Arrowverse S3, preceded by Arrow S1+2 (though I haven’t actually started S2 as of writing this because of how much YouTube I’ve been watching, so I’ll be finishing that first).

I genuinely don’t know that much about most DC superheroes, Flash included, but I’m going into this having been assured it takes itself less goddamn seriously than Arrow. It’s my sister’s favourite Arrowverse show, and I can’t wait.

3. Dare Me Season 1

I added this Netflix show to my watchlist when it came out, and my basic understanding is that it focuses on the cheerleaders at a high school, and begins when a new coach arrives. It focuses on the psychological damage behind competitive cheerleading, and I’m not convinced I’m going to love it, but I think it’s worth a shot.

4. Arrow Season 3

I’m so confused by this poster. This is specifically the season 3 poster, and I’m so confused, but I’m sure it’ll make more sense when I watch the season.

I explained the weird way I’m watching Arrowverse (named as such because Arrow was the first show in it) already, but Arrow follows Oliver Queen, the son of one of the billionaires of Starling City upon his return after being stuck for five years on an island when a cruise ship carrying him and his father sunk. His father left him with a list of names of the people ‘corrupting’ the city, and Oliver takes it upon himself to assume a vigilante identity and take them down.

Movies

I’m not a huge movie-watcher, but I end up compiling so many to watch that, to ensure I get round to them, I watch a movie every time I finish a tv show season. I’m also currently re-watching the MCU movies in chronological order.

1. Instant Family

This is just something that came onto Netflix recently and I thought might be entertaining, and so it joined my list.

This follows a couple who decide to adopt a teenager, only to find out she has two more siblings.

2. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 

This is just a continuation of my MCU re-watch - I love this movie. I love Guardians of the Galaxy, full stop (on another note, I just generally don’t understand why British people call it a full stop and Americans call it a period. Neither name makes particular sense). 

3. Avengers: Age of Ultron

And here we have another continuation of my MCU rewatch. I honestly think this is my favourite Avengers movie, because the whole teams actually together, and Wanda, Scarlet Witch, is introduced - I love her. I really didn’t like Vision until WandaVision came out, though.

4. Behind The Try: A Try Guys Documentary

Not technically a movie, but still. (Are documentaries movies? I tend to think of them as separate categories, but I guess they’re both movies. Hm.) I’ve been watching the Try Guys for years, which means I need to convince my sister to give me her Google password so I don’t have to pay for this.

I’m probably not going to stick to this list, and even if I do, I’m either going to also consume things not on it, or just not finish it. But, you’ll have to wait for my March wrap-up to find out.

[fire-the-headcanons]

The door had barely closed behind them when Raven hissed, "Why did you have to tell him bandits killed our parents? If you had just kept your mouth shut he'd fail us on the assignment and be done with it."

"He could tell we were upset," he mumbled.

"I don’t want to tell some Huntsman how to kill our family," she spat, almost throwing the door open ahead of her. The light outside was just beginning to dim, the days getting shorter as it got colder. "I need a drink."

"We don't have much left," Qrow murmured. "...Now I wish I'd saved Tai's beer."

"I think it's about time we got some more."

"How?"

"Easily," she said with a smile. "I go into a convenience store, walk past the liquor, and a couple bottles disappear off the back of the shelf. Don't even have to touch them."

Oh. Right. "...Do we have to steal?"

She didn't respond, and he glanced up at her face—twisted with rage. "Well, there's somewhere else we can get it."

Follow the Beacon Qrow—Mother Knows Best

[Link to Masterpost]

[This chapter contains angst. And the world is melting down, right? Who needs more of that right now? But the next chapter is fluff! And comfort! I dunno, I just couldn't bring myself to edit this. It's still not polished.

So far my family and I are ok, and I'm still employed. It's just a lot. Of all the time periods in history we could visit I would not have picked 1918.

I'm going to post the angst chapter today and the comfort chapter tomorrow. If this nonsense is stressing you out, read them both tomorrow because it will end on a high note.

Or go play some Stardew Crossing Moon. Preferably with a friend or two—isolate, but don't be isolated.

Warnings: abuse, self-harm, mortal terror. TLDR at the bottom.]

"That will be all for today. Make sure you turn in the write-up by Saturday afternoon," Professor Lionheart called over the racket of students packing away their things. "Mister and Miss Taupe, please wait for just a moment."

Qrow's heart sank. A full week after the bandit essays were due, he'd hoped Lionheart wasn't going to bring it up. Of course his luck couldn't be that good.

At least the Professor waited for all the other students to file out of the room, pretending to shuffle though papers on his desk, before beckoning the two of them down. Qrow stiffly grabbed his bag and forced himself down the steps to the floor.

"I suppose you know why I called you?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," Raven said, voice completely flat.

He nodded with a look of sad understanding. "I understand the topic may be… difficult for you, after what happened to your family. But it is important, as Huntsmen, that you have at least a rudimentary understanding of bandit tactics. Do you understand?"

Qrow nodded once. "Yes, sir."

"It doesn't have to be an essay, it doesn't have to be well organized. Just give me at least a page that tells me you understand how dangerous these people can be. If it's easier, you can explain face-to-face."

He couldn't think of anything harder.

Lionheart sighed. "It's true that the old tribes are in decline, but they will still be around for decades more. And bandit activity has been increasing in Sanus as new technology makes homesteading easier. I won't set a specific due date on the assignment, but I will check back with you in a couple of weeks."

Qrow forced himself to nod again.

"I'd also like to give you this," he said, drawing a small piece of paper from a drawer. "I know firsthand how difficult it can be to find mental health services in Anima, especially so far from Mistral… If you've never had the chance to speak to a professional about your experiences, I'd highly recommend going to the school facility at least once."

Qrow took the pamphlet against his better judgement, tucking it into his bag with the rest of his books. "Thank you."

"If there's anything I can do, please let me know," he said, smiling warmly.

The door had barely closed behind them when Raven hissed, "Why did you have to tell him bandits killed our parents? If you had just kept your mouth shut he'd fail us on the assignment and be done with it."

"He could tell we were upset," he mumbled.

"I don’t want to tell some Huntsman how to kill our family," she spat, almost throwing the door open ahead of her. The light outside was just beginning to dim, the days getting shorter as it got colder. "I need a drink."

"We don't have much left," Qrow murmured. "...Now I wish I'd saved Tai's beer."

"I think it's about time we got some more."

"How?"

"Easily," she said with a smile. "I go into a convenience store, walk past the liquor, and a couple bottles disappear off the back of the shelf. Don't even have to touch them."

Oh. Right. "...Do we have to steal?"

She didn't respond, and he glanced up at her face—twisted with rage. "Well, there's somewhere else we can get it."

"What—" His stomach turned over. "Wait. Raven, you're not—"

"I'll meet you back in the dorm," she said, shoving her bag into his hands.

"Raven, don’t—"

She stepped backwards into a bush and vanished. Qrow forced himself to turn and walk, his shoes thudding on the path blending in with his heartbeat hammering in his ears. Plenty of students walked around him, but no one paid him any mind.

Their dorm room was dark. Summer and Tai were probably with Dan again. He set Raven's bag on the foot of her bed, dropping his own on his desk along with his jacket, vest and tie.

Stomach churning, he sat on his bed to wait. It didn't take long.

The shadow of the tree outside swam, growing and stretching  until it was large enough for his sister to step through. "Vanta wants to talk to you."

Heart pounding in his ears, he frantically shook his head—Vanta would be able to hear if he spoke. Raven scowled, gesturing at the portal.

"I'm waiting!"

Qrow winced—he'd hoped he'd never hear that voice again—and Raven leapt forward, grabbing a fistful of his hair and dragging him from his seat.

Crying out, he grabbed at her hand—she let go and slammed into him, sending him sprawling through the portal and into the dirt floor of Vanta's tent. He scrambled to his feet, painfully aware of his sword's missing weight. They weren't supposed to bring their weapons to history and it was waiting patiently in a weapons locker a continent away.

"Didn't want to come, little bird?" He would have yelped if Vanta's hand hadn't clamped over his mouth, her sharpened nails digging at the skin of his cheek and sparking his aura under the sustained pressure. "Your sister's always been the good one. I know she didn't take that moonshine, whatever she says."

Her hand turned the color of tar as she activated her Semblance, draining his aura like water from a leaking bag and disrupting his defenses enough for her nails to draw blood.

"Do I need to remind you what will happen if those self-righteous crusaders find out what you are?" Vanta spat, kicking his right knee and throwing him to the ground. His head slammed into the dirt with a muted thud. By the time he'd regained enough sense to even twitch she'd already pinned him, nails digging into his neck, working faster. "What were you going to say if you got caught?"

"I—" Qrow could barely breathe, let alone speak.

"Your sister would be far better suited to do this assignment alone," Vanta hissed. Qrow swallowed a dry sob as her other hand dug into his bad shoulder, tearing through his shirt as he struggled under her weight, aura petering out like a candle in a closed jar. "If they catch you, they'll make you tell them everything you know about us before they kill you. The blood of the entire tribe will be on your hands." He twitched again as her hand tightened on his throat, pinching off his breath.

"But you've never cared about the tribe, have you, traitor?"

No— He jerked, lungs already burning, each motion twisting her nails in his skin. Not again—please—

"You've only ever brought us misfortune."

Please, gods, let me die quickly.

His aura trickled away in a sea of red sparks.

And Vanta let him go.

Qrow sucked in a horrible, croaking breath and clutched his bleeding throat as she stood. "If you do anything to threaten this family, I will make sure you pay if it is my last act on Remnant. Am I understood?"

All he could manage was a painful rasp. He kept his eyes on her boots and nodded.

"Then get back to your school," she snapped, turning away. "And find a use for yourself. You can start with getting your damn Semblance under control."

She swept from the tent into the dark. Qrow released his neck and bit down hard on his hand, holding back a sob as he dragged himself through the portal onto the floor of STRQ's room at Beacon.

"Qrow?" Raven's voice barely made it through his own breathless gasps. He ignored it, pushing himself up painfully and collapsing back to the floor as his injured knee refused with searing pain to hold his weight.

Her hand brushed his bad shoulder and he slapped it away with a curse.

"Let me patch you up."

"Go away," he rasped, pushing himself into a sitting position against the nightstand between their beds.

"D-don't be stupid." At least she had the decency to look ashamed. He tried to stand again, using the little table for support and ready for the pain this time. The leg wobbled but held.

Raven reached for him again and he swatted at her arm, staggering past toward the door and the bathroom. "I said go away." Thankfully the hallway was empty, aside from Raven quietly following behind him. The bathroom too. Apparently everyone else had gone to dinner.

She didn't follow him in, at first. He stared at his reflection in dismay for a moment—he looked even worse than he felt. The uniform was ripped at the shoulder and bloody on the collar, caked with dust from his fruitless struggle to escape. Bruises were already forming on his neck. He could hide them, and the cuts, if he wore his collar like a jackass for a couple days while his aura recharged. But how did Vanta expect him to hide the damn claw marks on his cheek?

Well. She didn't, obviously. She'd already pretty much told him to die here—she was probably just annoyed that Raven hadn't come home without him yet.

The door creaked, opening only a crack. "Qrow?"

"Fuck off, Raven." He pressed a paper towel against the marks on his cheek, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Qrow?" The door creaked open and then closed, her shoes clicking on the tile. He stared into the sink

"She's going to kill me."

"She's just trying to make you stro—"

"She. Wants. To. Kill. Me," he snapped, pain shooting through his arm as he turned to face her directly. "And the only reason she hasn't is that it would piss you off. Or have you forgotten she already tried?"

Raven's gaze fell to the tiles.

"Give me your knife," he snapped, tossing the bloodied paper into the trash, and she pressed it into his hand. Letting the water get as hot as it could, he washed it twice with soap before drying it on a new towel.

He forced his muscles to relax—tensing would only make the pain worse—and carefully cut over his injuries, turning each set of separate marks into a single, jagged line. It looked kind of like he'd tried to shave with a large rock. Perfect. His aura would take care of it in the next couple days and if past experience was anything to go by, it wouldn't scar.

He handed the knife back to her still covered in his blood and went to get the first aid kit.

Next Chapter: Summer—Care Package

[TLDR: Lionheart noticed that the Taupe twins didn't turn in their bandit essays and tries to work with them on a version of the assignment that will be easier for them to manage, what with the trauma of losing their parents to the Branwen tribe. He also recommends that they take advantage of Beacon's mental health services. Immediately after leaving the room, Raven decides to get drunk and tells Qrow her plan to steal alcohol. Qrow is reluctant, which makes her angry, so she portals to Vanta to ask for some instead. Vanta uses the opportunity to violently remind Qrow she doesn't want him to come back. Qrow won't let Raven patch him up. Raven clearly feels terrible (but "sorry doesn't change anything" so she doesn't say it).]

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Spirit(s) of Christmas - Part 3

Summary: It was your first Christmas at the Seaside Manor since you had inherited it. Whilst you were ready for some Christmas spirit, the ghosts haunting it weren’t as willing to celebrate.

Pairing: reader x Day6 (ft. previous OCs)

World: Spiritual Connection (masterlist HERE)

Genre: ghost au / romance / fluff / minor angst

Warnings: none

A/N: Welcome back to the Seaside Manor! I knew we couldn’t just leave the ghosts to celebrate by themselves - which apparently, they aren’t so keen to do anyway! So we had to return and see if we could bring in some festive cheer!

This story is part of a previously written world. It may make some sense, but to understand all the characters, I highly recommend reading all the previous parts and spinoffs in the masterlist first before reading this series! They can be found in the link above.

The Spirit(s) of Christmas will be shared daily at 10am from 2 December NZST.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

“You know, I don’t know how you do it.”

Glancing up from the breakfast dishes you were loading into the dishwasher, you gestured for Sarah to continue.

“You did half the decorations without me. This house is huge, Y/N and it’s decked out so well already!”

“To be fair, the Christmas tree is looking pretty bare as we haven’t decorated it with ornaments yet.”

That was because you were hoping to find a night sometime this week where everyone in the house would be inclined to dress the tree with you. It was a tradition from when you were little that you would wait until your grandmother would turn up before you put the first ornament on the tree. You smiled wistfully knowing that this year was truly the first time you wouldn’t even get to ring her to wish her a Merry Christmas.

“But the halls, the banister, I don’t even know how you hung up some of the stuff by yourself!” Sarah continued, shaking her head incredulously. “I swear when I’m not here it’s like you have friends who come out of the walls and keep you company or something!”

Sungjin snorted loudly as he continued to read the paper on the table. Shooting him a look, you then turned back to your friend. “If only those little creatures could fly as well. Then they could hang some of the décor around the chandeliers.”

“That’s what a ladder is for,” Sungjin quipped and you rolled your eyes.

Sarah giggled. “Like ghosts? You know, I’ve always thought we aren’t alone. There’s been a couple of times where I’ve entertained silly little thoughts in this house whilst working here too.”

“Such as?” you asked, noting that Sungjin’s attention was no longer on the fine print.

“Sometimes I feel like someone is watching me. Not in a menacing way. And I hear footsteps at night when no one is up. A couple of times I’ve sworn there’s been a guitar playing in the study. And…”

“And?”

Sarah laughed again, this time uncomfortably. “Don’t mind me. It’s just my over-imagination.”

“Tell me, you know you can trust in me,” you replied, leaning closer.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I once saw a man in my bedroom. I had been dreaming of him, and then he was sitting on the end of my bed watching me when I first woke up. As soon as I blinked, he was gone.”

You tried not to become evidently excited, a low whistle leaving Sungjin at Sarah’s admission. You reached out for her arm and shook it gently. “Did he look familiar at all?”

“Kim Wonpil, the guy who’s portrait hangs in the hallway.”

There was a sudden clatter on the floor, and when you turned to Sungjin, you noticed he was stunned but not looking in your direction. Lifting your eyes to the doorway, you found Wonpil standing there, the metal watering can he used indoors now rolling back and forth upon the tiles. After her startled scream, Sarah stepped forward, her eyes now wide.

“Y/N, was that there before?”

“Uhhhhh-”

“How strange. I’ll go put this back in the conservatory, shall I?”

Once gone, both you and Sungjin looked up at Wonpil. He visibly shook. “She… she saw me?!”

“Now, it’s rather improper to watch over someone who’s not aware of your presence when they’re asleep,” Sungjin chided but you swatted him away, all but leaping onto Wonpil and shaking his arm excitedly.

“Don’t listen to him. Sarah is aware of you!”

“Oh my,” Wonpil breathed, looking at you both in terror. “What do I do now?”

It had taken some encouragement from everyone in the household, but Wonpil was actively now trying to garner more of Sarah’s attention. And she was definitely picking up on his efforts.

“Y/N! Did you leave flowers in my room again?”

“Flowers?” you repeated down the hallway as you cleaned out one of the guest rooms. Sarah appeared in the doorway, holding up a vase. You smiled to yourself privately before shaking your head innocently at the woman. “Not me. If I gave you flowers, it would just be dumped in that vase. Looks like someone put a lot of effort into that arrangement.”

“I know, and it’s just so lovely I wish I could thank them for it!”

“Maybe you should stop by the portrait of Wonpil on your way back to your room and do just that!” you teased, and Sarah groaned loudly.

“I knew telling you that would become a liability for me! Just because I’m enchanted by the man in the portrait doesn’t mean his ghost is trying to romance me.”

“It could be him, you know.”

Sarah rolled her eyes dramatically. “Next you’ll be telling me you have the hots for Brian or something.”

“Hey!” you called after her, unable to control the blush forming on your skin. Leaning around the doorframe, you grinned. “What if I do? He looks pretty handsome for a ridiculously old dead guy!”

“Do I now?” Whipping your head in the opposite direction, Brian grinned at you. “Glad to know that even being ridiculously old and dead I have you completely charmed.”

“Ha-ha,” you voiced dryly, though you quickly took hold of his shirt, pulling your boyfriend into the room and closed the door.

Brian was rather flustered. “Feeling bold today, are we?”

“We need to help Wonpil do something else. Sarah is warming to the idea!”

“So no making out for me then,” he murmured forlornly, nodding his head soon after. “Fine, I’ll go help him write her a letter.”

Which was promptly read to you the following morning, Sarah’s voice an octave higher when she was done. “Y/N, what is going on?! Look at this handwriting, it’s not modern!”

“No, it’s very vintage,” you agreed, sighing when you recognised that Brian had written the letter in Wonpil’s stead. You couldn’t help but feel a little envious that she had received such a letter and Brian had yet to write you anything since you became an item. Still, the words written down were Wonpil’s and they had excited Sarah completely.

“Do you think Wonpil had a lover named Sarah and I’ve uncovered a love letter from before he died?!” she asked, staring back at the words fondly. You could tell she was a sucker for a good romance story.

“Or it could be for you,” you offered and Sarah’s neck craned in your direction in disbelief.

“A ghost can write love letters?!”

You shrugged with a tiny smile. “Well, if they can help me hang Christmas decorations, then I’m sure they are capable of a whole lot more than you’ve even thought of.”

Wonpil came racing down the hallway and into your bedroom, shaking you awake rapidly. You shrieked, especially when you realised Brian hadn’t left your bed overnight. Though Wonpil seemed unphased due to the distress upon his face.

“Get up, get up, get up!”

“What’s going on?” Brian wondered groggily, trying to help you up as Wonpil yanked on your arm repeatedly.

“Sarah’s fainted!”

Everyone moved into action towards Sarah’s bedroom, Jae soon appearing with the smelling salts. He handed them to you appreciatively as Wonpil flittered about the room.

“What did you do?” Sungjin asked and his friend let out a small wail.

“Nothing! I mean, I was just in here like usual. Sarah was reading over the letter I gave her and placed it upon her dresser. And then she looked up into the mirror and screamed before promptly passing out. Oh no, what if she doesn’t wake up and she’s injured in some way?!”

Becky reached out to soothe him gently. “I’m sure she’s going to be fine.”

“She’s breathing still,” Dowoon added on after holding his index finger to her nose. “She’ll wake up soon.”

You wondered if this was what it looked like when you became alert after fainting all those months ago when you saw Brian for the first time as an adult. When Sarah’s eyes opened, the occupants in the room all leaned in closer to ensure she was okay. Her gaze widened abruptly, scanning around herself slowly before her eyes connected with yours.

“Wh-what’s going on? Who are all these… are you Brian?”

“Well, she sees the dead now, congrats bro.” Jae slapped Wonpil on the arm playfully and got up, taking Becky’s hand.

“Should I go get her some water?” Becky asked and you nodded before turning back to the woman now gripping onto your arm.

“Did I die?”

“You’re perfectly alive.”

“But I see the men on the wall. I saw Wonpil in my mirror earlier on. In the flesh.”

Sungjin chuckled. “It’s not every day we get the pleasure of being recognised either, Sarah.”

“I can hear you! Oh my god, I think I’m going to hyperventilate.”

“Let’s take it slow, shall we?” you eased, helping her sit up slowly. Becky had returned with the glass of water in which you handed to Sarah. She marvelled at how she could touch the cup and then gulped some of it down. You nodded at Wonpil softly.

“I’m sorry for frightening you; I never meant to hurt you.”

After staring at him for some time, Sarah smiled weakly before looking up at you again. “So when you were talking to yourself, you weren’t really?”  

“Nope.”

“And the decorations?”

“I’ve got some helpers, though they don’t walk through walls or fly, sadly enough.”

“The flowers?”

“I gave them to you,” Wonpil admitted, rubbing the back of his neck shyly. “And the letter, well, Brian wrote it for me because I’m not very good with that.”

“You’ve been here all this time?” Sarah asked those in the room and they all nodded. “And you can see the dead, Y/N?”

You smiled, massaging her shoulder gently. “And now you can too. I hope it’s not a burden for you.”

“I mean, I have so many questions!”

“I’m your guy to answer them,” Brian offered with a chuckle and you couldn’t help but remember when you had bombarded him with your own.

Although it was early days, you were relieved. Having Sarah help out at the manor was a godsend but you always had been worried about her finding out about the manor being haunted and it scaring her away.

Now, with the way she shot small looks in Wonpil’s direction every few moments, you were hopeful she would be joining you all this Christmas too.

_________________

Part 4

All rights reserved © prettywordsyouleft

[DAY6 Masterlist] | [Christmas 2019 Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

[sandalaris]

10 for 10 for 10

I’ve been tagged by @yossariandawn Thanks for thinking of me! and for all the great questions! (and sorry it took so long. I had a hard time thinking of 10 questions of my own.)

Answer 10 questions, ask 10 questions, tag 10 people.

1. If you could learn a new skill instantly, what would you choose? I’m not sure. I think that if it’s a skill you really enjoy than taking the time to learn becomes part of the enjoyment, so it’d have to be a skill I either only kind of wanted or that I felt was a need over a want. Oo, MMA, good exercise and the ability to defend myself or someone else if I ever need to, and it’s not something I feel really passionately about going through the process of learning.

2. What part of the world (that you’ve never been to) would you choose to live in for a month? Hyère, France. Don’t even have to think about it. About eight years ago I was planning a move and it was on the short list of places I was considering going to. The climate seemed the most ideal to what I wanted to live in and all the pictures were beautiful. 

3. Favorite kind of sandwich or wrap? Grilled cheese? I don’t like sandwiches (or wraps) typically.

4. Show swap! Bring back 3 shows you love, but you also have to choose 3 you like to cancel instead. Oo, gotta think about this one. I don’t want to bring back a show that was already past its peak and I don’t want to say to cancel a show that isn’t ready to end.

Cancel: (I stuck only with shows that I watch and enjoy so I’m not digging at any show just because it’s not my personal preference)

NCIS – I love the show, seen every last episode and will continue watching it until the end, but it’s time for it to wrap up. It well past its prime.

Lucifer – Listen, I love this show, and there’s a ton of great characters and material here to make a long running series, but they have started going in circles with it and that’s making it feel old. How many times can the same characters learn the same lessons before it just feels like the writers are just forcing things back into the same ol’ mold? Let the story grow or move on.

Shameless – It’s a stretch because the finale season has already been declared, but it’s a show that I don’t really need that finale season, even if I will watch and enjoy it, because it’s reached its natural end.

Bring back:

From Dusk till Dawn: the series – I debated on this one. It wrapped everything up so nicely and I’m quite happy with how it ended, but at the same time the writers had plans for the next season and it was never officially cancelled and there’s so much more story that could be told.

Firefly – Although it’s been enough time that it might have to be more of a reboot maybe? Or are we doing the impossible and it’s coming back shortly after it was canceled? Either way, that show was cancelled way too soon.

The Gifted – Yes, it was a bit cheesy but it’s just as good, if not better than, a lot of the comicbook shows still going AND it ended on a cliffhanger. It needed to continue

5. What fandom would you want to get into, but haven’t yet? I don’t know. I feel like I don’t exactly pick my fandoms. I start watching a show or go see a movie or read a book and then if I feel like looking up fandom stuff after I do.  

6. What show or movie do you watch to cheer you up? Probably Community. It’s a good show that has that nice balance of being a ridiculous comedy, but not too silly at the same time. And it hits so many of my favorite tropes. (Leverage could also count.)

7. Favorite condiments? ….salt? That’s technically a seasoning, but I am not a condiment fan. They are mostly gross and just cover up the flavor the food with their grossness.

8. What characters (from different universes) do you think would love hanging out together? Pick as many as you want. I wrote for fun a Kisa (FDtD) and Troy (Community) scene and discovered I really like them interacting (there was other people in the scene, but they stole all my attention in a matter of moments). They connected in a weird way and I loved writing Kisa’s bizarre and confused reactions to Troy. Britta (Community) and Richie (FDtD) would get along well I think. They’d click in that odd way that Richie has with random people and Britta would be a little too oblivious to Richie’s more social flaws/creepy nature, as is her way when it comes to guys with even the tiniest bit of charm and intelligence. Not gonna lie, I kind of ship them now.

I would also put Shawn from Psych with the entire Leverage crew. Sophie is the only one I feel would find him a bit much at times, mainly because she can spot a grift a mile away and Shawn’s kind of always “on” and think it would mess with her trust issues too much for her to be entirely comfortable around him. Nate sees his potential, especially if Shawn’s been brought in to help on a job, and the guy is ultimately one of the Good Guys, and he would go a long way to helping put Sophie at ease. Because Nate’s too smart to be taken in by someone like Shawn and Sophie wouldn’t feel like she’s the only one who sees him for the conartist he is. Eliot would groan and grumble for show, but in the end Shawn’s like a combination of  his two favorite people in the world; Parker and Hardison. Plus, I headcanon Shawn and Eliot as cousins. I think Hardison might find Shawn a little too like himself to ever be best buddies with the guy, but overall they’d get along just fine. As for Parker... I feel like they’d be almost like two kids on the playground who both found out they like the same obscure cartoon none of the other kids have seen. 

I have a little headcanon about Parker (Leverage) and Clint Barton (MCU) having been in the same foster home as kids and having this kind of a past-sibling-esque connection. I like to think that with both their careers they don’t meet up often, but whenever they realize they are in the same place at the same time, it’s a given that they’ll hang out while there.

My roommate keeps yelling over my shoulder Starlord and Micheal (from the movie starring John Travolta) until I agreed to put them. They would get along in a weird sort of fun way that would be fun to watch but hard to be a part of, but since I haven’t see that movie since I was a kid it’s not one I think of.

9. What’s the most underrated show or movie or book or artist that you love and people should really check out?

Ilona Andrews is an amazing author and more people should check their works out. But the most underrated show I think I’ve ever gotten into… honestly would probably be From Dusk till Dawn. I feel like most of my followers are at least aware of it though because I post enough about it, but it was just really good and sort of cut off before its time. A really close second would be Leverage. It’s still the number one show I recommend when people ask me and I just adore it to pieces.

10. What were you obsessed with as a kid?

So many things, but probably Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin the most. Pretty sure I named more than one stuffed animal after her.

My questions:

1.      What was your first fandom? Are you still a part of it?

2.      Current self care method(s)?

3.      What are three (3) shows you keep meaning to binge watch but haven’t yet?

4.      Do you stay active in fandoms after a new one catches your eye, or are you more a one at a time person?

5.      What was the last movie you saw with someone else? What would you rate it?

6.      Favorite guilty pleasure?

7.      What’s a highly underrated show/movie/book series that you would recommend?

8.      Any new hobbies you’ve started during quarantine? Any you want to start?

9.      What meme do you wish would just die already?

10.  Spread the love to your followers and post at least one link to a fic you’re reading/have read/wish to read/you’ve written yourself/etc. 

I tag: @shyesplease @valeskaj @ithoughtiwasflying @c-sand @mygutsforgarters @bethanyactually @crystallinee-waters @evanberries @nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather @katwithlove and anyone else who wants to do answer! Seriously, I love having people respond even if I didn’t tag someone. 

[sinterblackwell]

thank you @lepetitepeach for tagging me 🧡

favorite comfort food:

eating mangú (mashed plantations) always makes me really happy.

favorite alcohol (or hot drink):

a tie between hot chocolate and black coffee. i like my coffee a bit sweet but not too much that it makes me cringe and hot chocolate has always made me feel like it was christmas so that’s a good feeling.

favorite relaxing activity:

just a few days ago, i was re-reading “they both die at the end” by adam silvera on the couch till past midnight.

all of silvera’s works take me to a different world and i love getting to spend my own time reading them without any interruptions. i mean it when i say that his books are my emotional support, just like with books in general, but it means something.

favorite fluffy/feel-good fic:

i highly highly recommend “to build a home” by aguamarina on ao3, that story will always make me smile.

it’s a single one-shot but it’s fairly long and split into parts so it doesn’t move too slow but not too fast.

all in the perspective of sander’s little sister, this fic really warmed my heart seeing her close relationship with her older brother and how much she adores him. you can see how much she can hold her own, better than i ever could, and i know for sure that she’s going to do great things someday. especially with how much she loves the universe and everything in it, just like our lovely robbe.

i’m happy the author wrote this fic. it was always something to wonder: what would sander driesen be like as an older brother? and not only did we get an answer to that question with this fic but we also got to see what camille would be like as his younger sister.

favorite relaxing or uplifting song?

“falling in love” by cigarettes after sex.

this song is more relaxing than uplifting but it always makes me want to lay down and close my eyes as i’m listening to it. there’s something very melancholic about it but it makes me feel at peace everytime.

i found the song through this video on youtube that i absolutely adore. i replay it more than once everyday because i’ll say it again and again, this song is so peaceful.

and also it just constantly gets to me how much sander loves robbe. because he loves him so much and there’s no question about it. none.

i don’t know if robbe will ever know just how much he means to sander. he may have an idea but there’s something really special watching from an outsider’s perspective how sander looks at robbe. and it’s a pretty outstanding feeling.

favorite white noise:

i love the sound of rain when i wake up in the middle of the night, when i’m about to fall asleep, when i wake up in the morning/afternoon...just anytime.

favorite book to get lost in:

i said myself that all of adam silvera’s works take me to a whole other world and so i can’t really think of anything else at the moment.

“they both die at the end” isn’t something anticipatory where you’re constantly on edge, waiting for the moment when these characters are going to die because that’s not the point of the story.

the point is to follow these two boys as they embrace each other and this whole city that with every nook and cranny, they discover something new. and not just about themselves but also that there’s so much out there.

this story isn’t about regret and misfortune, it’s just...it’s so so much more than that and i really wish everyone i know could read it, i really do.

favorite chill-out tv show:

winx club has always been something so nostalgic, i could lay in bed and watch it over and over again.

this is the same show that i would wake up at seven in the morning for because i anticipated it that much. this is the same show that made me feel really happy and look forward to coming home from school because this was my show and it never disappoints me.

there’s all these different magic dimensions and so many different characters. there’s so much that you can explore in these places and the transformations are absolutely stunning, and the characters are their own.

yeah it can get very annoying and some writing choices are very questionable (season 4, i must admit). but i will never forget how this show made me feel when i was younger, and i still have that same feeling today where i just feel safe.

best advice you’ve ever heard:

there’s going to be people who don’t know me at all, who don’t know how to handle me, who come to their own conclusions.

there are going to be people like that.

but that should never stop me from being who i am. and for being a mess because everyone is a mess. how they deal with it afterwards, that’s on them and that’s on me. i tried to get my shit together afterwards and i did, but my friend didn’t care about that.

my mom just said that i have to keep focusing on myself.

~

i tag: @glorious-technicolor @bisexualnoor and @lumierelovers

[maythewidowtakeusall]

Partners in Crime (Natasha Romanoff x f!Reader)

Wordcount: 1524

Warnings: death, funeral

Summary: A boring night of mission report writing with your girlfriend Natasha and your friend Clint takes an unexpected turn.

A/N: Inspired by Max Richter’s On The Nature of Daylight, my weird mood after watching the Arrival and my constant insatiable hunger for angst. To amp up the hurt, I highly recommend listening to the song while reading.

"This job will be the death of me one day."

Natasha hums and holds up a finger, chewing on the end of her pen. Clint just grunts, not even bothering to answer you as he stuffs another slice of pizza in his mouth. You crinkle your nose - you're a messy eater, but that boy can be downright nasty. Laying your head on your forearms and resting your eyes for a moment, you sigh. Being a SHIELD agent is all fun and games for an adrenaline junkie like you and your esteemed colleagues, but eventually, when the fieldwork runs out and the paperwork catches up with you (along with threatening messages from Director Fury to deliver your reports on time), you don't feel like it's all that amusing anymore. Being stuck at HQ on a Saturday night at 11 pm isn't your idea of fun. You ignore your badly typed up report in front of you as you gaze at your girlfriend expectantly, mouthing "entertain me" when she finally looks up. She rolls her eyes but smiles, her computer screen lighting up her face, lending her an almost ethereal glow. Natasha has always been an otherworldly phenomenon for you and probably always will be.

"Dying is pretty much part of the equation here," Natasha finally acknowledges you, leaning back in her chair. "Hate to break it to you, but we're constantly assigned the most dangerous missions."

"I meant the paperwork, not the missions," you grin, your face and hair a tired mess that is still the most beautiful thing in the world for Nat. She masks her admiration pretty well though, just so you don't know the true magnitude of your effect on her. She's not sure you're ready for that. Hell, she's not even sure she herself is.

"Well, look at you being all optimistic," Clint speaks up sarcastically with a mouthful of food. "Thinking you'd die of typing up a report instead of participating in a death-defying mission."

"I'm not!" you laugh. "Really, it's not like I am already planning my retirement or something."

"Yeah? 'Cause I am," Barton smiles, his eyes looking but not really seeing. He's seeing Laura and the kids and the house, and he sees himself teaching his children how to shoot straight with a bow and arrow and how to start a fire from scratch, and he's already saving up for their college tuitions. You look at Natasha, who just shrugs with a smile. "Never really had the chance to think about living to a ripe old age before, but better late than never."

"Wait, hold on - are you guys serious? You're really thinking about the future so... positively?"

"It's called hope, baby," Natasha teases you. You click your tongue in mild frustration. You won't be lectured about hope for the future by these two dramatic morons who would sacrifice their lives at a moment's notice if they thought that was the best course of action.

"Well, since you're both so awfully sure about surviving, I guess we need to talk about my funeral," you end up laughing, sleep deprivation soaking into your slurred words. Clint snorts. Nat furrows her brows in confusion. "No dress code. Have a good time. And yes, by that I mean throw a huge party in a fancy club. Oh, and blast Highway to Hell on maximum volume during the ceremony."

Facing your own mortality almost every day is a burden that cannot be carried without the soothing touch of dark humor to ease the constantly impending doom looming above your head. Clint is often game in jokes and ideas such as this, but it comes as a surprise when Natasha breaks into a tired grin too. "I'll start taking notes. Anything else you want? From us, maybe? Since we'll obviously outlive you by far."

"Wait, I have an idea!" Clint straightens his back, revitalized by this quality distraction from his half-assed mission report. "I'll come in full gear, arrows and bow and all, okay? So it's raining, right? Hair all soaked, I have this doom and gloom expression plastered on my face, and I just go up to your coffin, lay a hand on it and whisper some shit like, 'I'm too late... I was supposed to be the one to take you out.'"

"You gotta do your raspy, deep voice though," Nat laughs.

"Wait, are you saying my voice isn't deep and manly enough for you?"

"I'm sold," you say, electing to ignore Clint's last remark of faux outrage. "That leaves you, baby. I want you to wear something insanely foxy and elegant."

"And a pair of sunglasses, even if it's not even sunny!" Barton adds enthusiastically.

"Hey, I thought there was no dress code!" Natasha shakes her head, red curls bouncing around her face in protest.

"My funeral, my rules. Besides, you'll be playing the mourning trophy wife who's recently been widowed and has inherited a fortune. You have to look good."

"You have to marry me first to make me a widow." Her smile is seductive and loving and challenging. Your stomach flips from your sudden surge of anxiety and enthusiasm. Hopefully, someday, you want to say, but you glance at Clint and don't say anything. You're tired of him calling you cheesy and mushy all the time.

"And (Y/n) has a lot of paperwork to do yet to earn that fortune she keeps talking about!"

"You know what, Barton? Fuck you."

You haven't laughed this much in a long time. You look around the room with a wide smile on your face, trying to memorize these cherished little details that make the whole world bearable for you: the green flash of Natasha's cat eyes, the crinkle in the corners of Clint's eyes when he laughs, their playful banters, how Nat swats Clint's arm playfully when he says something stupid, flashing her pearly whites in an open-mouthed laugh. You're so overwhelmed with love for Natasha, the Bonnie to your Clyde, the Thelma to your Louise. You don't know if you could ever thank Clint for having your back no matter what. You want this moment to last forever, and in a way, it does. You've burnt it into your memory, imprinted into your heart even; so much in fact that when you took your last breath, you were looking at a terrified Steve Rogers trying to stop your burgundy blood from spilling out, but that wasn't what you were seeing. You saw your partners in crime, laughing over open pizza boxes and half-written mission reports on a cold December night at the SHIELD headquarters two years ago. You saw Natasha, her reflection dancing on the huge window behind her, as the lights of New York and the star-studded sky crowned her crimson hair. Even then, her eyes were the brightest things you'd ever seen. They will always be the brightest for you. She will always be.

Life goes on without you, even though they don't want it to. They have a promise to keep though, and they adhere to it, down to the last detail, because when they do, they feel like you're still alive. Fury is wearing a knitted sweater the color of orange. "For hope," he says, tugging on his sleeves nervously. Laura is there too, along with all those you had loved and who loved you. Clint wears his full gear, just like he said he would, and he does go up to your coffin, placing a hand over the smooth but cold wood. It's raining, and he's not sure whether the water drops on the polished oak are raindrops or his own tears.

"I'm too late... I'm too late..." he whispers, voice barely audible from the panic of your death dawning on him. "I was supposed to be the one to... I was supposed to be the one to save you."

Natasha never thought she'd ever cry over an ACDC song, especially not Highway to Hell, but today is a first for her from many perspectives. Her mascara is running down her cheeks in thick black lines, but she keeps herself steady because she made a promise to you, and so she obediently keeps pushing her big black sunglasses up that stubbornly slide down her nose every now and then. She is divine, even though she was thoroughly soaked before Steve came to stand with her, sharing his umbrella with her. Your favorite black dress of hers, paired with a black fur coat, delicate black gloves and a pair of high heels. Natasha knows that if this doesn't wake you up, then nothing will.

She is a widow now, truly. Her codename meant little to her before, but now she is merging with it fully. And the fortune you left her? Well, it may not be tangible, like money, or the little shared apartment of yours, or the wedding band the mortician slid off your finger and gave to Natasha - no, it's the memories. It's the nights spent together, the secrets whispered in the dark, the sunsets watched together, the dinners cooked in silent harmony, the love that was made in the symphony of your bodies.

Natasha doesn't know why, but she thinks back to that cold, cold Saturday night from two years ago. And she smiles through her tears.

[jtsodergren]

The Best of 2019

2019, what an exceptional year for movies! A great way to close out the shittiest decade! Here are the 50 best films I saw this year... click on the title to go to the IMDB page, and I’ll try to post a link to where you can see many of them. Also for the first time this year, I’m including MOM WARNINGS! My mom reads this list and sometimes actually watches these movies... so to save her some grief, sadness, or general concern for my psyche, there will be a NOT FOR MOMS!! warning where applicable... here we go!

50. STAR WARS - EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Amazon)

People really hated this movie... I actually really liked it! Aside from the horses running around on the outside of spaceships (which makes no fucking sense... didn’t Leia get all space frozen exactly one movie ago??), it was a satisfying conclusion to a franchise I guess I don’t really care about as much as other people, so I was into it!

49. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM (Amazon)

Quickly becoming one of the more well produced action franchises of all time. Probably two too many machine gun shootouts in this one for me (I get a little exhausted with gun violence), but the hand-to-hand stuff is brilliant and bloody and badass! Not to mention the deepening of the mythology and Halle Berry and her dogs. It’s a fun time, a welcome addition to the series, and I can’t wait for number 4.

48. QUEEN & SLIM (Amazon)

Billed as the black BONNIE AND CLYDE and from first time feature director Melina Matsoukas, this atmospheric tragedy is gorgeous to look at, delivers a pair of standout lead performances, and proves to have one of the more stressful final 30min of any of the films I saw this year, even if you know the inevitable conclusion is just around the corner.

47. UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (Amazon PRIME)

A wild Los Angeles noir story from the director of IT FOLLOWS. Plays like if David Lynch directed THE BIG LEBOWSKI, a weird, screwball whodunit. It’s a little long, and there are so many loose ends that seem to be thrown in just to fuck with the protagonist (and the audience), but it’s a really fun time and you’ll want to stay to the end to see it all play out. LA looks gorgeous too.

46. KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Netflix)

Truly inspiring. Really shows how if you put your mind to something, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference, you can accomplish anything. Regardless of your political leanings, or how you feel about AOC personally, this is well worth your time and it has a great message for young people, especially those young women of color who might not think they can achieve great levels of success. It made me cry the happy tears.

45. LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Amazon)

Best known for it’s remarkable 59min-3D final take, this hallucinatory journey through memory and dreams is mind-blowing and breathtaking. Hard not to leave this one feeling like you’ve been put though some kind of experiment that you don’t fully understand, but you’ll want to experience again. Highly recommended if you have access to 3D, or simply have some killer edibles and want to be thrown for a loop.

44. CLIMAX (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of being under the influence, holy shit is this film nuts! From Gaspar Noe, who if you’re aware of his work, you kind of already know what you’re in store for here. It’s been described as “FAME directed by the Marquis de Sade”... incredible dance sequences and audacious camerawork that slowly but surely devolves into hell. It’s a blast!

43. HAIL SATAN? (Hulu)

A fresh and funny documentary about a group of smartass Satanists exposing the hypocrisy amongst bible-thumping Christians who’d rather stomp their feet and be the loudest in the room than listen to anyone else’s perspective. Frustrating and entertaining in equal parts, this compulsively watchable film makes you want to scream at these Jesus freaks as much as you want to laugh along with the antics of these harmless, intelligent and organized troublemakers. An excellent time well spent.

42. FIRST LOVE (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

Director Takashi Miike’s yakuza action-comedy is the most accessible of his films I’ve seen (he’s now made more than 100 movies, which is insane), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a gonzo wild time at the movies. The violence is here in full force, but unlike AUDITION or ICHI THE KILLER, you don’t need a barf bag close by to enjoy it. It’s often hilarious and moves at a breakneck speed. Super fun!

41. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (Amazon PRIME)

Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded, droll zombie-comedy came and went from theaters without much fanfare, but provided me with plenty of laughs. It’s also the second of 3 Adam Driver vehicles to be on this year’s list. Bill Murray and Driver lead the way along with plenty familiar faces in cameos throughout (including the RZA in one of my favorite scene’s of the year). Classic Jarmusch... a meditation on death and mortality in his vintage style.

40. EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE (Netflix)

Dude, Aaron Paul is a legit GREAT actor. Picks up right where the show left off, and I was on the edge of my seat and filled with anxiety just like I was during the best moments of the now classic series. It was good to hang out with my old friends again.

39. DOCTOR SLEEP (Amazon)

A box office flop due to poor promotion and a title people weren’t familiar with, this sequel to THE SHINING is based on the Stephen King book of the same name, which I read, and I can’t recommend it more. Great suspense, and fantastic performances from both Ewan McGregor and (especially) Rebecca Ferguson. It’s a dark and scary film that is a fun trip back to the Overlook Hotel... provided you wish to return there...

38. THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO (Amazon PRIME)

About 90min into this beautifully shot film I was ready to lock it in as a possible Top 5 contender. Then the bottom fell out for me the last quarter of the movie and lost my confidence. No bother, it’s still wonderful enough to find a spot on the list and carry my recommendation. Young men and women watching their city change before their eyes, and wondering what the concept of “home” really means is a real challenge facing many people here in the Bay Area. This film does a fantastic job conveying that, for most of the film anyway. 

37. THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON (Amazon)

A bonafide crown-pleaser of a movie, and another example of the true talent Shia LeBeouf has and is capable of (more on him later). A young man with Down Syndrome escapes his assisted-living facility to track down his wrestling idol the Saltwater Redneck with the help of an outlaw and a social worker. Sweet, funny, and heartfelt... a feel good surprise.

36. A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (Amazon)

I didn’t cry nearly as much as I did during the excellent documentary WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR from last year, but if you’re a Mr. Rogers fan, you’ll still shed a few during this heartwarming film. Tom Hanks does his thing, and even though this movie is guilty of borrowing a little too much from the previous doc, it’s still a great showcase for the truly selfless and beautiful force of nature that Fred Rogers was. Bring tissues anyway.

35. CARMINE STREET GUITARS (In Theaters Now)

A love letter to both New York City and the art, joy, and love that goes into honing and maintaining one’s craft. Meanwhile the looming doom of gentrification hovers over the proceedings, never letting you get fully enrapt in the sweetness that these artists (and their many famous customers) exude when talking about and playing their one-of-a-kind works of art. A stunning and lovely piece for musicians and talentless fans of music alike.

34. HOLIDAY (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A tough, cold film with nary a character to actively root for... until after about an hour of icy behavior comes (no pun intended) a scene so shocking in its graphic and disturbing nature, people left the theater without staying for the final resolution. First time director Isabella Eklof pulls off the bold and audacious maneuver, all while making it seem like she doesn’t care whether you like her characters (or her film) at all. It’s a very fine balancing act, executed to perfection. But be warned... it’s rough.

33. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Disney+)

What can I say? You saw it. It’s good. A bunch of Supermans fly around and blow shit up. A satisfying end (until the next 20 films).

32. MIDSOMMAR (Amazon Prime)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A disturbing slow burn of a gothic horror film. Characters do hallucinogens while ritualistic religious murders and tribal mating practices threaten to ruin everyones existence. Florence Pugh is phenomenal (more from her in a minute) in a very trying roll. Doesn’t pack quite the punch of the director’s last film, HEREDITARY, but it’s still well worth the watch. But yeah, it’s disturbing.

31. APOLLO 11 (Hulu)

A fascinating look at the first moon landing from rarely seen archival footage and audio. Seeing it on the IMAX screen was intense and exhilarating, unlike narrative pictures like the severely overrated FIRST MAN. This isn’t my favorite documentary of the year, but it is an absolute lock to win the Academy Award for Best Doc of 2019. It’s a must see, a must experience.

30. HIGH LIFE (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

French auteur Claire Denis’ bizarre, erotic sci-fi mindfuck about isolation and humanity is not for everyone, but is a brilliant take on the genre, and is yet another showcase for Robert Pattinson, who is quietly becoming one of my favorite working actors. Juliette Binoche also is on fire here and has what one critic calls “the single greatest one-person sex scene in the history of cinema.” So it has that going for it.

29. TRIPLE FRONTIER (Netflix)

A fully loaded heist film with no real bad guy, but instead a group of recognizable badasses in a Netflix-released action thrill ride. There’s absolutely no reason this should’ve worked, or even been half as good as it is, but boy is it good! Compulsively watchable, and rewatchable. If this were on Showtime as much as DEN OF THIEVES is I’d have seen it 30 times by now. It’s one of the most pleasant surprises of the year.

28. 1917 (Amazon)

An unbelievable visual achievement from cinematographer Roger Deakins and director Sam Mendes. The story isn’t the greatest war story ever told (are there great war stories?), but it’s shot to look like one continuous long take, sustained for 2hrs. It’s really an unbelievable feat, but doesn’t come off as gimmicky or distracting. It’s intense, beautifully staged, and sad. A big screen spectacle. 

27. TOY STORY 4 (Amazon)

Woody and the gang are back, and the films continue to keep the dust from collecting. It’s still so much fun to hang out with this group of misfit toys. There was talk that after the incredible TOY STORY 3 this was just a money grab and was labeled unnecessary, but I found it to be a sweet, charming, and nostalgic trip I was glad I took.

26. HONEYLAND (Hulu)

My pick for documentary of the year comes from the mountains of Macedonia, where a woman named Hatidze lives with her dying mother making a living cultivating honey. When a family of shitheads moves into a shanty next door, what seems like a fix for her lonely existence becomes catastrophic as they disregard her teachings and threaten her livelihood. I was an emotional wreck throughout the experience and it goes without saying it’s a must-see. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

25. LITTLE WOMEN (Amazon)

I have never read the book, nor seen any of the film adaptations, so I went in blind to this lovely film. Director Greta Gerwig follows up the phenomenal LADYBIRD with this Altman-esque rendition of the widely beloved literary classic. I found it exceptional in its execution and performances, including the previously mentioned Florence Pugh, who is a knockout. A wonderful addition to the ever-growing stable of Christmas films I look to enjoy during future Decembers.

24. GREENER GRASS (Hulu)

It’s as if Tim & Eric made BLUE VELVET. Bizarre, outrageous, gross, and a guaranteed future midnight movie favorite. My sides hurt. A satire skewering upper-middle class suburban soccer moms and dads alike. Babies are given away. A boy turns into a dog. Everyone has braces. There’s a creep on the loose. It’s wild and flat-out hilarious literally from start to finish. Almost too many jokes to keep up with. Watch it! Bring weed. 

23. RELAXER (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of gross, this film is disgusting, but in a good way. A satire about lazy consumerism and self-destruction. It’s a short hang, thankfully, but if you can stomach it to the end (remember, it’s nasty) you’ll be rewarded with not only a hilarious dark comedy, but also an unexpected haymaker of sadness you didn’t see coming. It’s a pretty impressive feat, and an overall success. But, yeah, it’s fucking gross. 

22. AD ASTRA (Amazon)

APOCALYPSE NOW in space starring Brad Pitt. If you need more information than that, I don’t really know what else to do for you. 

21. SLUT IN A GOOD WAY (Amazon PRIME)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A black-and-white raunchy French arthouse teen comedy that gives a middle finger to the double standard set by the equally raunchy teen-boys-will-be-boys genre. It’s so much fun, and honest, and the actors are such natural talents you forget the subject matter is at times shocking (only because of said double standard) and just go with it. I think it’s just wonderful. Seek it out!

20. US (HBO)

Jordan Peele’s excellent follow-up to GET OUT. Doppelganger home invasion terror with a killer twist. To describe more would be to risk giving something away. I’ll just say that Lupita Nyong’o is my pick to win her second Oscar, this time as Best Actress, here in a dual role. She’s incredible. If you haven’t seen it, try to go in blind, you’ll be rewarded.

19. THE FAREWELL (Amazon PRIME)

A heartfelt homecoming film about family, culture, and how the things we don’t say can be just as strong of a show of love as the things we do say. It’s sweet, tender, and bursting with personal flare and emotions from director Lulu Wang. Awkwafina also curbs her more manic and loud tendencies as a performer for more quiet, thoughtful, and somber choices. She’s phenomenal. 

18. KNIVES OUT (Amazon)

A clever ensemble whodunit that’s just as funny and smart as it is mysterious. Everyone across the board delivers as the assorted motley crew. The film rewards repeat viewings and Daniel Craig knocks it out of the park, stealing every scene he’s in, reminding us all what a fantastic actor he can be when he’s not sipping the Vespers. 

17. BOOKSMART (Hulu)

The female SUPERBAD is the elevator pitch, but this coming-of-age gem is really unlike any other example in the genre. They’re privileged, uber-smart, and have never partied. Yet they have the same neuroses as any other teen scared to death of what to do next or how to be normal. It’s also fucking hilarious. You wanna hang out with these girls and at the same time bury your head under the covers because you feel their pure terror/embarrassment. It’s a blast.

16. THE MUSTANG (Amazon)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, one of the finest actor’s working today, this understated and emotional drama about rehabilitation and redemption floored me upon first viewing. It is a gorgeous film. You’ve probably seen stories similar to this before, but rarely is one told with such compelling conviction. A borderline masterpiece. 

15. HONEY BOY (Amazon PRIME)

Remember a few years back we had the McConaissance, where everything Matthew McConaughey did was solid gold after years of middling bullshit? I’m calling it right now: Shia LaBeouf is about to have the same thing. He wrote the script and plays a version of his own father in a brutal version of his own fucked up childhood as an up-and-coming child actor. It’s heartbreaking and absolutely riveting. I’m hoping he gets an Oscar nod, but regardless I implore you to seek this film out, he’s incredible. 

14. MONOS (Hulu)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A bizarre, bewildering, chaotic, and unsettling film. Some of the most beautiful photography I saw on the big screen this year, yet some of the most surreal and disturbing imagery as well. It’s a militarized, Latin American LORD OF THE FLIES with commentary on tribal behavior and violence. It can be a tough sit, but boy is it beautiful. 

13. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

What a wonderful, welcome surprise! Eddie Murphy in an awards caliber performance as Rudy Ray Moore, the multi-hyphenate performer who created the alter ego Dolemite, spawning a film franchise and many legendary comedy albums. It’s obviously hilarious, and a great behind-the-scenes biopic, but also shockingly sweet and heartfelt, even between all the cuss words. I even teared up a couple times. The 3rd best thing Netflix released this year (more on that in a minute).

12. JOKER (Amazon)

You already saw this.

11. THE IRISHMAN (Netflix)

It’s far too long. It could’ve done with being cut as a three part miniseries or special. There’s about 45min worth of scenes that are quintessential DVD bonus features (I’m looking at you Action Bronson), but goddamn if it’s not Scorsese doing his Scorsese thing. It’s a gangster film, but it’s also a meditation on aging and death. Pesci is incredible and Pacino steals the show. Sure, the de-aging thing is distracting, the curb stomping scene is embarrassing. But still, I mean... IT’S MARTIN SCORSESE!

10. PAIN AND GLORY (Amazon)

Pedro Almodovar’s most personal work to date, a tale about making art and the loneliness of love. If you are unfamiliar with his work, this is a great jumping off point. His movies can be challenging and dark, but this film has such joy and hope amongst the heartache. The final reveal, while not earth shattering on paper, is nonetheless so moving it left the screening I attended without a dry eye in the place. It is his best film yet. 

9. THE LIGHTHOUSE (Amazon)

From the director of THE WITCH comes another type of gothic horror, this time with the legendary Willem Dafoe and the (already mentioned) brilliant Robert Pattinson marooned on a lighthouse rock alone to drive each other completely insane. It’s hallucinatory, violent, disorienting, and flat-out brilliant. If it weren’t for another guy we’ll get to in a minute, Dafoe would be a lock for Best Supporting Actor here. It’s a slightly challenging film, with the period style mariner dialogue, but it’s just as funny as it is terrifying.

8. JOJO RABBIT (Amazon)

A beautiful, touching, funny, crowd-pleasing comedy about a little Nazi whose imaginary friend is Hitler. Yep, your read that correctly. There are about a million reasons this should absolutely not work. Yet, it’s one of the best theater going experiences I had this year. A must see... ESPECIALLY with Mom!

7. MARRIAGE STORY (Netflix)

The best written and acted film of the year, and the third Adam Driver vehicle to appear here. Sad but honest. Touching but brutal. It’s awkward and a bit of a bummer, but there’s such great work being done here, in front of and behind the camera. Noah Baumbach is a force of nature, and has yet to make a film I was even iffy about. He’s the real deal and this might be his masterpiece. 

6. WAVES (Amazon)

Speaking of auteurs, Trey Edward Shults is now 3/3 on features after the brilliant KRISHA and IT COMES AT NIGHT. Here he follows a middle-class black family, led by a domineering father, through a tragic moment in all of their lives. The first half deals with the son’s story, then abruptly switches to the daughter’s life post said event. It shouldn’t work, yet somehow manages to be one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of art I saw this year. The camera never stops moving, constantly swirling and whirling and you can’t help to be sucked up into it. It’s a beautiful tragedy.

5. LONG SHOT (HBO)

The biggest and most pleasant surprise of the year. An opposites-attract rom-com with more brains, bite, social commentary, and laughs than it has any right to have. Easily the most fun you’ll have with (almost) the whole family... there’s a lot of cum jokes. But don’t let the vulgarity dissuade you! It’s a total riot with just the right amount of sweetness to balance out the saltiness. I love love love this movie.

4. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE (Hulu)

What starts as a strange, dark comedy morphs into a FIGHT CLUB-esque thriller with allusions to disturbingly toxic masculinity and an offbeat take on what it takes to “be a man.” It is laugh-out-loud hilarious, and expertly made, while really having something to say, and it says it in a way I’ve never really seen before. It’s not surprising this didn’t get more attention, the characters are truly difficult to relate to, let alone root for, but as far as originality goes, you’d be hard pressed to find anything this year much better than this. 

3. UNCUT GEMS (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

The cinematic equivalent of being locked in the brain of a lunatic having a cocaine-fueled anxiety attack. If that sounds like fun (AND IT IS!!!) then this is the film for you! Oh, and Adam Sandler is going to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor. For real. It’s a chaotic, stress-filled masterpiece.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (Amazon)

My favorite filmmaker’s 2nd best film. A personal story about the love of film during the late 60s, a time of dirty hippies and Charles Manson, as well as the passing of the torch from old Hollywood to the “golden age” of cinema. It’s a fairytale of sorts, with Tarantino’s trademark flare for spontaneous violence and mining multiple genres to make his most mature work since PULP FICTION. I’ve been rewarded with new takeaways upon each subsequent viewing, and my love and appreciation for it only grows and grows. Brad Pitt is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, he’s magnificent. It was always going to be my #1 with a bullet no matter what, because it’s just that great...

1. PARASITE (Amazon)

...but then Bong Joon-ho, the master of new Korean cinema unleashed PARASITE. Not only is it the best film of 2019, it’s one of the best films I have ever seen. Like EVER ever. He is in such astonishing control of his craft it’s hard not to sit back and marvel and the sheer skill on display. You can be laughing one moment and then recoiling in horror during the same breath. He’s using multiple genre tropes, incredible set design, pitch perfect acting/writing, and such exquisite planning you can’t possibly know what’s in store for you from one scene to the next. It is an absolute masterpiece and if it doesn’t sweep every category it’s nominated for at this year’s Oscars, it’ll be a travesty. If you have even a passing interest in film as an art form, the power it can wield, and the messages it can convey, you owe it to yourself to see this film. It’s perfect.

Well, there it is. Thanks for reading any part of this. Now go see PARASITE. I love you.

[imaginarycircus]

The Good Place Project: Post #1

(project master post)

WTF is Ethics?

It’s deceptively easy to define ethics as doing the right thing, but what is the right thing? The concept of rightness or good is slippery and without specifics like who, why, how, and what’s at stake, there’s nothing much to talk about except vague, mushy concepts like Good and Right. This is one reason ethics is hard to discuss and practice. We talk in universals, but we act in specifics. We study and contemplate the big picture, but we live in our choices. Learning to translate from vague principles and hypotheticals to everyday thoughts and actions is the work of ethics.

So wtf is Virtue?

The Greek concept of virtue has nothing to do with Christian ideas or any sexual connotations, as in euphemisms for unbecoming behavior in women. I had to recalibrate the word when I first started reading ancient philosophy. So what is it? Plato never gives a simple and solid definition of virtue. His dialogs are about asking questions, not answering them. Do we know what we think we know? What is it we think we know? If we can find the best way to ask a particular question will it lead to a clear answer?

Aristotle’s definition of virtue is snappy. It’s doing the right thing, in the right place, at the right time, and for the right reason. 

The right reason is what renders actions virtuous or not. If you do a good thing by accident it’s nice, but it’s not virtuous. If you avoid doing something bad because you fear punishment, you definitely aren’t practicing virtue. If you do the right thing because you know it’s the right thing, that is virtue. It has to be intentional. So that’s easy, right?

Easy as pie, if said pie is universally delicious to all people and cures all diseases. Alas. That pie is impossible and so is perfect virtue. 

Hold up. Why can’t we be perfect?

Perfection is a static quality because it cannot change. It simply *IS* and nothing in the physical world is static. Everything is changing at every moment, becoming something and then breaking down.  Our lives can’t be perfect, but they can be virtuous. I like this because fear of not being perfect or of being wrong often hamstrings us needlessly. I mean Chidi. Bro. Pairing a guy who fears making mistakes with a woman so cynical she sees no point in doing good things is brilliant. It makes them both consider their behavior and change once they become friends. I want to talk about how all the characters affect each other in another post.

I’m dancing around Aristotle’s concept of “becoming.” It is the most important part of all his philosophy. Good is not something we are. We are becoming ourselves by doing good. I want to tell you all about this right now because it’s the kindest most practicable ethics I’ve read, but I’m cutting myself off to stay focused. It will come up in a later post. Crap. I’m going to have to make a post and just dump a lot of Aristotle on people who want it. idk if you noticed yet, but he’s kind of my fave. I’m not planning to stick to ancient philosophers forever, but it’s where our characters begin, where my education began, and where the western canon begins. Apologies to the Pre-Socratics, but how many people have even heard of Anaxagoras? TBF he was actually kind of cool. Most of them were Sophists. We don’t like them. They’re a bunch of punk ass bitches.

How to be a good person.

Yeah. How? I honestly don’t know. This is a preliminary post so I’m setting aside what “good” can mean in this context. Defining your terms is a huge part of philosophy and that’s what a lot of Plato’s Dialogues investigate. The word good has a ridiculous number of meanings in the wild like high quality, satisfactory, useful, competent, worthy of approval, and this specific goodness that is virtue is a whole discussion in and of itself. Aristotle calls it beautiful and there’s something sort of noble about it. But we all have concepts of what is good and right. That’s all you really need for now. 

I’m not being cute. I really don’t know how to be a virtuous person, but I can tell you that philosophers advise practicing virtue for its own sake, education, learning from and observing wise people and friends who are like you. Self-examination and reflection is required. If that sounds like A LOT consider that you’re already doing some of this to some degree. 

Does it matter if we’re virtuous or not?

I think so. Socrates talks a lot about being good so you can be reincarnated as a bee or some other highly organized creature and maybe you can see what I meant about not finding answers in Plato’s dialogues.** Aristotle says we practice ethics to be happy. It’s not the kind of happiness derived from someone baking you a cake. It’s not pleasure per se. It’s a soul deep rightness that you’re doing what you’re meant to do.

Our purpose in life is to be happy the same way an acorn’s purpose is to become an oak tree. We try to do good things, to be good people to benefit others and become ourselves--happy people.

I promise I will come back to “good” and “happy” later and try to really dig into them.

** I assume people know this, but just in case--Socrates was Plato’s teacher. Most of what we know about Socrates was written by Plato. The Dialogues are like little plays--the dialogue written out. So what is Plato’s work and what was truly Socrates is up for grabs. Plato was Aristotle’s teacher and let’s just say that Aristotle is cut from a different cloth. If you ever have questions, please don’t be afraid to ask me. I want to share cool ideas with people and I am not judging anyone for what they don’t know. People can’t know everything and if you want to learn you have to start at the beginning. I didn’t know that Plato’s dialogs starred his teacher until I read them.

Do other people matter or is ethics something you do alone?

Other people are crucial.  We can see in The Good Place why everything hangs on relationships and community. We are "political animals.” People live in civilized societies with codes of conduct and intertwining lives. We depend upon each other. Politics is the condition of living in a city or group. That’s all it means. Our existence is political. You cannot be ethical on your own. It’s always in relation to other people and the rest of the world.

People learn different things and are good at different things. This is a benefit of living in a society. All of our lives can be improved by people sharing ideas and skills--by people taking care of each other.

sources:

1. Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, translated by Joe Sachs. Mr. Sachs is (was?) a tutor at my college. His Greek translations are par excellence. Aristotle is dense and hard to crack open. I had to read parts of The Physics half a dozen times before it started to make any sense. I think he’s definitely worth reading, but reading it alone without being able to discuss it sounds difficult. Not impossible though. I’m referencing The Politics at the very end there.

2. Plato’s Dialogues, Princeton University Press, various translators. Specifically The Meno and The Apology here. The Meno is a good dialog to try if you’ve never read Plato. The Gorgias is also useful. I know people are all about The Republic and The Cave and that’s fine. I just can’t stand that Dialogue and cannot personally recommend it. You can pick up and read Plato easily. You may find it interesting or obnoxious. Socrates likes to flirt with many people, especially pretty young men. Even though he can be maddening, he was also brilliant. He believed in his work so deeply that he was happy to die for it rather than recant or say he was wrong. He walked the walk until they executed him. I think of Socrates as the First Teen Idol. He got all the kids in Athens het up on philosophy and disobeying their parents and people lost their goddamn minds.

[cornyregans]

The Six Veronaville Tragedies

WARNING: This essay is centered around death, so please note that many different aspects related to that topic will likely be discussed here, some of which might be triggering to certain people. As such, reader discretion is advised.

Obligatory Warning Word Count: 38 words Essay Word Count: 11,671 words Obligatory Thank You Word Count: 170 words Total Word Count: 11,879 words

   As I have mentioned in the past, I find one of the most interesting aspects of Veronaville to be the mystery surrounding the recent deaths of six premade sims. The sims in question on the Capp side are Cordelia Capp, Caliban Capp (né Gale), and Contessa Capp; while the sims in question on the Monty side are Claudio Monty, Olivia Monty (née Dottore), and Hero Monty (née Arlecchino). It is unknown which of these six was the first to die; however, given the memories of their surviving relatives, we know that Cordelia and Claudio were the first to die on their sides, followed by Caliban and Olivia, and finally Contessa and Hero. So, with this in mind, let’s look at some information the game has provided us with before we begin to theorize anything.

Three Biographies

  Since we now have some idea regarding the general order of these six deaths, let’s take a closer look at something you might have missed if you never developed a Veronaville obsession. If you have ever played a premade sim in any of the games released before TS4, then you probably know that each premade tends to have a prewritten biography that goes more in-depth regarding their characterization. This fact also rings true for Veronaville, and as luck would have it, half of these dearly departed sims just so happen to have biographies, something very unusual for a deceased sim in any neighborhood. This has not gone unnoticed by the fandom and has led many a simmer to conclude that these three sims were meant to be playable at an earlier point in development. While none of these three sims ended up being alive in the final product, these biographies could shed some light on how each sim could have died.

First, let’s look at Claudio’s biography:

“Claudio's determined to make his parents proud with his lovely wife and wonderful children. But will he be able to reconcile his son's romance with his family's sworn enemy?”

By looking at the biography we are provided with, we are given a hint as to the timing of Claudio’s death. By the time he died, Claudio’s younger son, Romeo, had already become romantically involved with Juliette Capp. This is further supported in the memories of both Romeo and his older brother Mercutio, as Claudio is stated to have died following both brothers’ second “grew up” memory, which would place both boys as teenagers. In addition, Romeo’s memories place the death of his father occurring after his first kiss with Juliette. Taking game mechanics into account, this means the earliest Romeo could have lost his father was during his teen years. While this claim does offer some other problems if we look at Juliette’s memories, which I will go over later, said problems do not conflict with the big picture regarding the ages of the Monty boys at the time of their father’s untimely demise. 

 With Claudio's biography out of the way, let’s continue by taking a look at his wife Olivia’s:

“While Olivia loves her children and always wanted a big family, will her next birth push her over the edge?”

Unlike the biography of her husband, Olivia’s biography has no mention of the Capp/Monty feud; rather, it concerns a future birth. If you have ever gotten a view of Olivia’s ghost or resurrected her in-game, you would recognize that she is wearing the default maternity outfit, meaning she died before what was supposed to have been the birth of her third child. Given that the Montys recall her death occurring after Claudio’s, it is pretty clear that she also died while both of her sons were teenagers.

 The last biography does not belong to a Monty, but rather a Capp. In this case the Capp matriarch, Contessa:

“Contessa is a strong matriarch who can hold a grudge. Will she let go of her anger at the Montys and do her daughter Cordelia's memory justice by allowing Juliette to pursue her true love?”

There is a very good reason as to why I saved Contessa’s biography for last. The reason for this choice is due to the last sentence. First of all, this should clear up any remaining misconceptions that it was possible for Contessa to have predeceased her daughter. Secondly, the final sentence seems to imply that Contessa was aware of Romeo and Juliette’s relationship, though how she found out is a mystery. Finally, this last sentence also provides some questions regarding Cordelia Capp’s role in the Capp/Monty feud. As a daughter of the Capp matriarch, Cordelia would have inevitably found herself playing a role in the bitter family rivalry, whether she wanted to or not.

The Role of Cordelia Capp

  While Cordelia does not have her own biography, she does have a mention in her mother’s that is hard to miss once you’ve read it. The question stated above in Contessa’s biography could hold a number of different meanings. Was Cordelia unable to pursue her true love? Was she against the family feud? Despite these questions mostly being rhetorical, there is some little known evidence that could very well answer them both depending on how you interpret it.  

  Whether she was able to pursue her true love is something we can only theorize, that being said, there is no evidence that she was unhappy with Caliban. In fact, the evidence seems to imply the exact opposite. The first piece we have supporting this claim is a family picture consisting of Cordelia and Caliban, along with their child son Tybalt, as well as toddler daughters Juliette and Hermia, which for all intents and purposes looks rather happy. The second is that when resurrected, Cordelia and Caliban tend to have strong chemistry with one another if Nightlife or any subsequent Expansion Pack is installed. By taking these two factors into account, I think it might be safe to say that the part about “doing Cordelia’s memory justice” by allowing Juliette to pursue Romeo isn’t because Cordelia couldn’t pursue her true love, but because she did.

  This leaves us with the other piece of the puzzle regarding her opinion of the Capp/Monty feud. Despite not appearing in the game itself, there is a little picture floating around on the internet that portrays a scene at what looks like the Capp Manor: Consort and Patrizio are engaged in a shoving match in the background, all while Cordelia looks on with a sigh and a thought bubble with the red enemy symbol in the foreground. We can’t say for sure what is going on in this picture, but in my opinion, that face of hers says it all when it comes to whatever opinion Cordelia may have had on the feud.

The Mysterious Case of Hero Monty

  Before I go further, I think now would be a good time to take a closer look at the mysterious Hero Monty, who has neither a grave nor a ghost programmed into the game.

 While I do plan on going over where Hero’s death fits into the Veronaville narrative, I would highly recommend you go read my essay concerning the potential cause of her death before continuing if you haven’t already. The lack of information regarding Hero’s death is something that, I believe, needed an essay all its own in order to analyze it properly, so I implore you to check it out before going any further here. 

 Much like how Cordelia Capp was referenced in Contessa’s biography, Hero is mentioned in the biographies of both her husband and her son Benedick.

Her husband Antonio’s biography is as follows:

“Committed to his children, Antonio is determined to get to the bottom of his wife Hero's death. And what will be his role in the family feud that may have cost him his one true love?’'

While her son Benedick’s biography states:

“Benedick is the gentler half of Antonio's twins. "Sensitive and kind, he may some day be essential to solving the question of his mother's death.” 

 These biographies are rather interesting in that they both allude to the overall mystery of Hero’s death. But looking at them closer, it seems very likely that Hero’s death may have been a result of the feud. In addition, Benedick’s biography is especially interesting in that it states that he may be “essential” when it comes to figuring out how his mother died. 

 While the biographies do provide some insight, they do not provide any hints regarding the timing of Hero’s death; for that, we are forced to look elsewhere. We know that Mercutio and Romeo were already teenagers by the time Hero passed on due to her death being stated to have occurred following the deaths of Claudio and Olivia. However, to obtain a more concrete timeframe, we have to look at the memories of other members of the Monty family, namely those of her husband and children. According to the memories of Antonio, Beatrice, and Benedick Monty, we can pinpoint that Hero died not long after Beatrice and Benedick aged up into children.

Memory Problems

 Now that we briefly looked at the Hero Monty mystery, I want to take a closer look at the Capp couple. While I may have gone over Cordelia earlier, I have left out some other pieces of information I believe are worth mentioning. 

 First of all, the pieces of information we are given regarding the time of deaths for both Cordelia and Caliban are all kinds of messed up. Their older daughter Juliette and their younger daughter Hermia remember their parents dying while they were a teenager and child respectively. On the other hand, their son Tybalt remembers them dying when he was a toddler, even though he is older than his sisters not only in-game but also in the storytelling image mentioned earlier in this essay. With that discrepancy in mind, the most logical conclusion is that the developers made a mistake regarding the placement of Tybalt’s memory of his parents’ deaths, as both Juliette and Hermia’s memories make sense should we take all of their age bars into account. 

 Another discrepancy regarding Cordelia, in particular, is that her father Consort remembers her dying before the birth of his grandson Hal, while her sister Goneril remembers her dying before the birth of her daughter Ariel. While her other sister Regan also has a memory of Cordelia dying, the only thing we know from her memories is that Cordelia died after her wedding to Cornwall, which is something we would have already known by looking at Consort’s memories. By comparing Consort and Goneril’s memories, we can ascertain that Goneril’s memory of Cordelia dying before Ariel’s birth seems more likely given the age differences that Hal and Ariel have with Cordelia’s three children at the start of the game. Not to mention, the age groups presented above for Cordelia’s children at the time of her death make more sense if we go by Goneril’s version of events. 

 While we’re looking at memory discrepancies, let’s take another look at Claudio Monty and Contessa Capp. Despite these two not being a couple, let alone part of the same family, I feel the pair is worth mentioning here due to some conflicting pieces of information that can be tied back to both of them. As mentioned above, looking at the memories of Claudio’s children and Contessa’s grandchildren through Cordelia, we can conclude that both Claudio and Contessa died while their descendants in question were teenagers, that much is backed up on both sides. 

 The weird part, in particular, lies in the memories of three particular sims: Claudio’s son Romeo, Contessa’s granddaughter Juliette, and Claudio’s sister Bianca. First of all, if you look at the memories of Romeo and Juliette, you will notice that Romeo remembers kissing Juliette before Claudio died, while Juliette remembers kissing Romeo after Contessa died. In addition, you will notice that Juliette has a memory of falling in love with Romeo after the deaths of her parents, yet before the death of her maternal grandmother. However, Claudio’s sister Bianca, for some reason, has a memory of Contessa’s death, and by comparing her memories regarding the deaths of her brother and the Capp matriarch, you will see that Bianca’s memory of the latter’s death was more recent than her memory of the former’s death. 

 While comparing Juliette and Bianca’s memories, you will probably realize that there are errors on both sides. Should you compare Juliette’s memories to her relationship with Romeo, you will see that she only has a crush on him. While this might have been merely a mistake made by the developers, I believe there could very well be more to the story. Upon first playing the Capp Manor, you will realize that Juliette’s biggest want is to go steady with Romeo, should you grant her wish, she will fall in love with him afterward. Even if you don’t have them go steady, having her interact with him in any way romantically will cause them to fall in love in no time. While this may be completely off-base, a part of me believes that somehow the “first kiss” memories and fall in love memories got mixed up, as the first kiss interaction tends to unlock before two sims fall in love.

  As for Bianca, her problem does not lie in the order of her memories, but rather in how they are classified. As someone who had a tendency to comb over every premade’s memories when I was younger, it always stuck out to me that Bianca had a positive memory of her brother Claudio’s death, but a negative memory of Contessa Capp’s. Much like Juliette’s, it is very likely that the developers inadvertently swapped Contessa and Claudio’s places in Bianca’s memories.

  Due to the errors present in both Juliette and Bianca’s memories, I think determining who died first between Claudio and Contessa depends more on your personal preference. As with all things The Sims 2, it seems unlikely that EA will revisit this plot point at a later date, meaning this question will likely go unanswered. With that in mind, I personally interpret Claudio as having died before Contessa. While I could give my answer here as to why I see this being the case, I’m going to hold off until we go over the placement of all six deaths later in the essay, as it ties directly into that.

Additional Pieces of the Monty Memory Puzzle 

 While I may have already touched upon quite a few key pieces of information regarding the memories of the living Veronaville sims, there are some interesting nuggets that I have left out. 

 Although I have already mentioned Claudio Monty in the last section, I feel it is important to look at the deaths of both him and his wife Olivia through the eyes of some more of their relatives. I have already touched upon the memories of their two sons, but there is more that can be deduced if we look at the memories of Claudio’s parents and brother. The reason for me saving these memories for this section rather than the section above is because there were not really any sort of discrepancies present in narrowing down any specific place in time that the pair died. 

 If you take a look at the memories of Claudio’s parents, Patrizio and Isabella Monty, they place the deaths of Claudio and Olivia occurring after the birth of Antonio and Hero’s twins, Beatrice and Benedick. However, a look at Antonio’s memories provides some more concrete information, as his memories place their deaths occurring after Beatrice and Benedick reached childhood. Given where their deaths fit into the Monty family timeline, one can easily assume that Antonio’s wife, Hero, did not outlive Claudio and Olivia by much. 

 Additionally, take a look at the specific wording I used when it came to Antonio’s memories. Take note that I said “their” deaths, rather than just Claudio’s death. Among the Veronaville sims of Antonio’s generation, this is a unique case. None of Cordelia’s siblings, nor Bianca Monty, acknowledge the passing of their deceased in-laws. Heck, Kent Capp doesn’t even have a memory of Cordelia’s death and he’s her brother. With that in mind, perhaps it is not unusual to assume that Antonio was present when Olivia died.

What can their Shakespeare counterparts tell us? 

 Like all the living sims in Veronaville, all six of these deceased sims have ties to characters found in the works of William Shakespeare; whether it be by their names or their roles in both narratives. With this in mind, it could be entirely possible that their unfortunate fates may very well tie into those of their original Shakespearean counterparts. 

 Let’s begin by looking at Cordelia Capp. Shakespeare’s Cordelia is the dutiful youngest daughter of the titular King Lear. While she begins the play as her father’s favorite, her refusal to kiss his butt causes the king to disinherit her. Later in the play, she leads the army of her adopted homeland into battle once she hears that the father who disinherited her had been rendered powerless by her cruel older sisters. Unfortunately for Lear and Cordelia, the rebellion fails and both are sentenced to death for treason. While Lear is able to escape his sentence by killing the executioner, the pardon that would have saved Cordelia arrives too late to stop her death by hanging. 

 Unlike Goneril and Regan Capp, both of whom retain their husbands from King Lear, Cordelia’s husband in The Sims 2 is not a counterpart for the King of France. Instead, Caliban Capp shares his first name with a character from The Tempest. This is especially strange because, unlike the benevolent France in King Lear, the original Caliban was something of an antagonist. Shakespeare’s Caliban is the half human, half monster son of the witch Sycorax, and a slave of Prospero. While Prospero states that he initially tried to befriend Caliban, a native of the island he has been stranded on for more than a decade, both characters seem to confirm that any goodwill between the two ended due to an incident that occurred prior to the beginning of the play. As a result of that incident, Prospero ended up enslaving Caliban and would punish his disobedience by using harmful magic against him. Eventually, Caliban gets fed up and takes a servant named Stephano as his new master, at least until he learns that Stephano is not Prospero’s equal. In the end, Caliban returns to Prospero and is pardoned after obeying one final order to prepare his former master’s cell, though it is not made clear whether Caliban remained on the island or left with the other members of the cast. 

 Olivia Monty shares a first name with a character from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. Countess Olivia, having lost her father and brother prior to the play, plans to spend the next seven years in deep mourning. As a result, she has no interest in any male company; because of this, Cesario (really a woman named Viola in disguise) has to settle for working under Duke Orsino instead. That being said, Orsino himself is interested in Olivia and sends Viola/Cesario to court Olivia for him. While Olivia initially wants nothing to do with Viola/Cesario, she eventually falls in love with him due to his personality, though she is unaware he is actually a she. Aside from Orsino, Olivia is also courted by her servant Malvolio, while her uncle would like to match her up with Andrew Aguecheek. In the end, Olivia meets Viola’s half-identical twin brother Sebastian, and the two of them end up together. 

 As mentioned in my essay regarding her cause of death, Hero Monty shares a name with a character from Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. In Much Ado About Nothing, Hero, the daughter of Leonato, is loved by a lord named Claudio. Claudio announces his intention to court her to Benedick, who in turn informs Don Pedro about Claudio’s plans. As a result, Pedro resolves to court Hero for Claudio without the latter’s knowledge and puts this plan into action at a celebratory masquerade ball. Don John (Pedro’s illegitimate brother) is also attempting to court Hero at the ball and uses Claudio’s ignorance to Pedro’s intentions to make Claudio think Pedro is trying to take Hero for himself. This leads Claudio to confront Pedro in a rage, but in the end, Claudio ends up winning Hero’s hand, and the misunderstanding is cleared up. Later in the play, Don John and his follower Borachio resolve to stop the marriage by lying to Pedro and Claudio that Hero is unfaithful; as a result, Claudio promises to publicly humiliate Hero, and does so on their wedding day, causing Leonato to wish for his daughter’s death. On the advice of a friar who is rightly convinced of her virtue, Hero fakes her death in order to not only expose the truth but for Claudio to express regret for his actions. In the end, Don John’s treachery is exposed and Hero is revealed to be alive at her second wedding to Claudio, who has expressed remorse for his actions. 

 Unlike most of these sims, who share a name with only one Shakespeare character, Claudio shares his with two. The first of these characters is the Lord of Florence in Much Ado About Nothing. While I went over most of Claudio’s role in Much Ado About Nothing in the previous paragraph, I neglected to mention what happened to him during the fallout following Hero’s faked death. After Hero supposedly dies, an enraged Beatrice implores that her new lover, Benedick, slay Claudio for slandering her cousin as a way to prove his devotion to her. Though Benedick denies her request at first, he ends up challenging Claudio to a duel after Leonato and Antonio do the same. After learning of Hero’s innocence, Claudio demands the hand of Antonio's daughter so he can marry someone who resembles his lost love, and while Antonio accepts, it is revealed at the wedding that Hero is not only alive but also the one behind the veil. 

 The second Shakespeare character who shares a name with Claudio Monty is a Viennese gentleman in Measure for Measure. In Measure for Measure, Claudio is the brother of Isabella and the fiancé of Juliet, the latter of whom he ended up impregnating before they could be married. As a result, he is sentenced to death by the corrupt Angelo despite his willingness to put a ring on it. Luckily for Claudio, his sister Isabella is willing to go to bat for him, and announces her intention to plead his case to Angelo; Angelo agrees, on the condition that Isabella sleeps with him. Despite Claudio’s pleas for her to take Angelo up on his offer, Isabella refuses, citing that there is no way anybody would believe her if she told the truth. Fortunately for Claudio, Duke Vincentio comes to his aid and stages a bed trick wherein Angelo falsely believes that he is fornicating with Isabella, this causes a panicked Angelo to order Claudio’s execution out of fear of being exposed for the crime he condemned Claudio for in the first place. Claudio is spared once again thanks to Vincentio sending Angelo the head of a pirate in his place. In the end, Vincentio resumes his role of the Duke of Vienna, Angelo’s treachery is exposed when he makes the fatal mistake of unwittingly accusing Vincentio of his crimes, and Claudio and Juliet reunite. 

 Contessa is likely the biggest anomaly of the bunch because she does not share a first name with any Shakespeare character. Despite this fact, she actually has numerous Shakespeare and historical counterparts when it comes to both her role in the feud and her place in the Capp family tree. While I do intend to look into all of these parallels at some point, I will only be looking at two Shakespeare characters for this essay. 

 The first of these characters would obviously be Lady Capulet from Romeo & Juliet due to the similarities in their surnames. While not quite as involved in the feud as her husband, a throwaway scene shows us that Lady Capulet can hold a grudge much like Contessa, specifically when she states she will poison Romeo as revenge for the death of Tybalt; however, this never comes to pass as Romeo poisons himself before she gets the chance. 

 Unlike Contessa, Lady Capulet ends up surviving the play while Lady Montague is the one who ends up dying of grief following Romeo’s banishment. As a result, while Lady Capulet may very well have been Contessa’s most obvious inspiration, her being the one to die is more akin to Lady Montague instead. With this in mind, perhaps Isabella Monty would have made more sense as being the deceased Veronaville matriarch in order to draw a clearer parallel to Shakespeare’s play? That being said, I believe that there is more to Contessa being the one who dies in this adaptation rather than Isabella, and in my opinion, it is the second of Contessa’s aforementioned counterparts that really allows us to make sense as to why she was the one who died. 

 In my opinion, Contessa’s other Shakespearean counterpart in regard to her death is not a woman, but a man, the man in question being the titular King Lear. While I have seen people say Consort is the one who was inspired by Lear, I believe that Contessa actually has more in common with him when taking Capp family dynamics and neighborhood events into account. If you look at the Capp family tree, you would see that the Capps are matrilineal, meaning it was Contessa, not Consort, who was the head of the Capp family prior to her death. With this in mind, it would make sense that, due to her three daughters sharing names with Lear’s daughters, Contessa herself may have been created with the intention of being a gender-flipped version of Shakespeare’s Lear. 

  Much like Contessa Capp, who died before the events of The Sims 2, Lear does not survive Shakespeare’s play (though there was a rewrite where he did that was portrayed on stage for a century-and-a-half, it was not written by Shakespeare himself). In the final scene, Lear enters the stage carrying the body of the now deceased Cordelia in his arms. After all that occurred throughout the play, it is losing his beloved daughter that does him in, and he dies of despair while trying to convince himself that she is still alive.

How did they die in TS2? 

 With all the biographies and memory dissecting out of the way, let’s look at the known causes of death. From the information provided by their ghosts, we are able to conclude without any doubt the cause of death for five of the six sims in question. The Capp couple died in a fire, the Monty couple due to starvation, and Contessa Capp due to old age. The only outlier in the group of six is Hero Monty who, as mentioned above, does not have a grave anywhere in the game, and therefore has no ghost for us to confirm any cause of death. However, it is not impossible to draw some semblance of a conclusion by looking at outside information.

Developing Death Through Pictures 

 While this section may not be entirely relevant to the topic at hand, it does provide some interesting points that could very well play a role in any theory you might have. This is something I found while looking for more information on Veronaville, and it could definitely tell us something regarding the circumstances of some of these deaths. That being said, this information is purely theoretical and may have nothing to do with any of these deaths at all, but it is interesting nonetheless. 

 As mentioned earlier in this essay, the fact that Claudio, Olivia, and Contessa all have biographies despite being deceased at the start of the game has led many a simmer to conclude that all three were meant to be playable at some point during development. This notion is further fueled by a screenshot taken at some point during development of Olivia Monty talking to what appears to be an earlier version of Juliette Capp while Mercutio looks on from the second story. Whatever the case may be, it is likely that this picture was taken either before the developers decided to make Olivia pregnant or during her first trimester, as she does not appear to be showing at all in this particular picture.  

  Another interesting aspect of that picture is the location where it was shot. This picture was not shot at the Monty Ranch, the lot where Romeo and Mercutio reside when you first play Veronaville, but rather at what looks to be 111 Stratford Street. This is quite similar to the storytelling image I mentioned in a previous paragraph containing Cordelia Capp and her family. The layout of that room, as well as some of its aesthetics, are completely different from those in the Capp Manor. That being said, unlike 111 Stratford Street, I cannot say for certain which lot is meant to be portrayed in the Capp storytelling image; however, the placement and design of the windows leads me to believe that the likely location may have been 95 Bard Boulevard. With this in mind, given the deaths of Cordelia and Caliban, perhaps the general ambiguity regarding this picture’s setting is meant to be intentional? Could it be due to the fire? Could it be because of something else entirely? Could my guess be right and their original residence was 95 Bard Boulevard? Regardless of what may have been intended, it’s interesting to think about all the possibilities. 

 Given the obvious design differences, these images most likely mean one of two things: either these homes were the original Monty Ranch and Capp Manor, or these were Claudio and Cordelia’s homes, and their children were moved in with their grandparents following the deaths of their parents. It is unlikely we will be finding out the answer any time soon, as the only other piece of evidence related to the 111 Stratford Street image is an earlier version of Veronaville. In this image, the Monty Ranch is located in a different place on the map, and there are no plumbobs to denote any sort of residence. But, as stated above, it is certainly interesting to think about, especially in regard to how it may relate to some of these deaths.

Reviewing What We Already Know 

 Now that we’ve gotten the known causes of death out of the way, it’s time we review what we already know about all six of these sims once more in order to find any additional information that may have slipped through the cracks.

Cordelia and Caliban

Timeline: From the memories of their surviving relatives we can ascertain a few things regarding the deaths of this Capp couple. First of all, given the memories of their daughters and their son’s established age, we know that Cordelia and Caliban died while Tybalt and Juliette were both already teenagers, and Hermia was about to become a teenager herself. In addition to that, we also know from both Juliette’s memories and Contessa Capp’s biography that Juliette had already become involved with Romeo before both of her parents died. Also, given the memories of Cordelia’s sister Goneril, we are able to deduce that the deaths of Cordelia and Caliban most likely occurred before the birth of Goneril’s youngest daughter Ariel (who is a toddler at the start of the game with four days to go until childhood), but after the birth of Goneril’s middle daughter Desdemona (who is a child at the start of the game with six days to go before she reaches her teen years).

Cause of Death (Shakespeare): In King Lear, Cordelia is hanged before she could be pardoned. Caliban does not die in The Tempest, rather he is pardoned by Prospero after preparing his cell, though it is ambiguous whether he left the island with the rest of the cast.

Cause of Death (Sims): Both Cordelia and Caliban died due to a fire.

Other Information: We can safely assume that Cordelia Capp was likely against the Capp/Monty feud due to the image where she appears saddened by the quarreling patriarchs. Also, for some reason, Kent Capp does not seem to possess any memory of his sister dying.

What is significant about their shared cause of death?

 The cause of death for both Cordelia and Caliban being fire is significant for quite a few reasons. First of all, this further debunks Tybalt’s memory problem, as there is no way for any toddler to leave their home lot in The Sims 2, and he has no relationship with any of the neighborhood nannies. Next, given the cause of death, and the fact that their deaths were so close to each other in the memories of some of their relatives, it is likely that the two died in the same fire. This means that while Caliban may have outlived Cordelia in all the relevant memories, it would not have been by much.

 Since none of their children have any memory of there being any sort of fire, it is safe to assume, should the fire in question have occurred on their home lot, that Tybalt, Juliette, and Hermia were not present for their parents’ deaths, placing the most likely time the two died to be after 8 am at the earliest, and before 1 pm at the latest on a weekday when both Cordelia and Caliban had no other obligations. That is unless their deaths were meant to have occurred outside of their home, which opens up many new possible time frames when their deaths could have occurred.

What can we draw from their Shakespeare counterparts? 

 Unlike her Shakespeare counterpart, Cordelia Capp died in a fire rather than by hanging, so we can’t really make any connections through the method of death. That being said, we should keep in mind the circumstances, namely that in King Lear, a pardon was ordered to prevent Cordelia’s execution. With this in mind, it is possible that Cordelia died before a firefighter could have saved her. Not only that, but the charge of treason was brought upon against Shakespeare’s Cordelia because she tried to assist her father in taking back the English throne. If we take that information into account, it could very well be possible that Cordelia may have tried to save someone from the fire, only for her to die instead. 

 Unlike Cordelia, Caliban’s counterpart survives The Tempest. While it is known that Caliban does survive until the play’s conclusion, the audience is never informed whether he ended up escaping the island of his birth. In The Sims 2, we know that Caliban did not escape the fire that ultimately killed him, but he may have at first, only to go back once he realized Cordelia was still inside. This matches up quite well with Caliban from The Tempest going back to Prospero after leaving him for Stephano, especially given that it is Cordelia, rather than Caliban himself, who carries the illustrious Capp name.

Claudio and Olivia

Timeline: From the memories of their surviving relatives we are able to ascertain quite a few things regarding the deaths of the Monty couple. First of all, we know that, given Romeo and Mercutio’s memories, both Claudio and Olivia died while both sons were already teenagers. We also know that Romeo and Juliette had already become involved with one another prior to the deaths of their parents, a claim further backed up by Claudio’s biography. We also know from Patrizio and Isabella Monty’s memories that both Claudio and Olivia died after the birth of Beatrice and Benedick Monty; though, Antonio Monty’s memories provide a clearer picture by placing their deaths as having occurred after his twins reached childhood. As a result, it is likely we can ascertain that Hero Monty likely died not long after Claudio and Olivia.

Cause of Death (Shakespeare): While Claudio does not die in either Much Ado About Nothing or Measure for Measure, he is challenged to three different duels by three different men in the former and marked for execution in the latter. Olivia does not die in Twelfth Night, rather she ends the play married to Sebastian.

Cause of Death (Sims): Both Claudia and Olivia starved to death

Other Information: Antonio Monty has a memory of Olivia’s death despite being her brother-in-law, meaning it is highly likely he was present when she died.

What is significant about their shared cause of death? 

 While the significance behind the cause of death for both Claudio and Olivia isn’t as easy to figure out as their Capp counterparts, there is still quite a bit of information we can pick out of it. Unlike the fire that killed Cordelia and Caliban, Claudio and Olivia both dying of hunger means that there is a larger timeframe that we can work with. With that in mind, I believe that some of the answers we seek could easily be found in their biographies, Olivia’s in particular.

 We know that Olivia Monty was pregnant when she died, meaning her hunger meter would have decayed faster than normal. There was also a question regarding whether the upcoming birth would push her “over the edge.” Why? Well, I believe a good place to start in answering this question lies in the timeline we have already established. By looking at the memories of Mercutio and Romeo Monty, we have already deduced that both were already teenagers by the time Olivia died. With that in mind, there is a possibility that Olivia’s pregnancy could have been an accident. 

  As for Claudio, his biography states that he “wants to make his parents proud,” and then we are presented with a question asking whether he can “reconcile his son’s romance with the enemy.” While this can’t really provide a clear answer as to why Claudio starved to death, I suggest the best we can do is keep the timeframe, as well as what might have been going on in his life at that particular moment, in mind.

What can we draw from their Shakespeare counterparts? 

 While none of Claudio and Olivia’s Shakespeare counterparts died in their original works, there are some scenes that could very well draw some parallels. While Claudio didn’t die in either Much Ado About Nothing or Measure for Measure, he definitely came close in both. In the former, he was challenged to three duels: two by Hero’s kinsmen, as well as one by Benedick, the lover of one of Hero’s kinswomen, after he humiliated Hero on their wedding day. In Measure for Measure, Claudio was sentenced to death for engaging in premarital sex with his fiancée. By looking at both of these instances, it is possible that Claudio’s death in The Sims 2 could be tied to both wronging someone and/or his wife’s pregnancy. 

 Unlike Claudio’s counterparts, Olivia’s counterpart is never in any danger of dying in Shakespeare’s original play. Despite this, she does end up closing herself off emotionally due to the deaths of her father and brother. With this in mind, it is possible that her death in The Sims 2 could very well have been brought upon in part by grief.

Contessa

Timeline: We know from the memories of her husband, one of her two living daughters, and the memories of her grandchildren through her deceased daughter, that Contessa died after her daughter and son-in-law. This is further evidenced as Consort and Goneril both recall her dying after the birth of Ariel, Goneril’s youngest child who begins the game on her first day of toddlerhood. Also, for some odd reason, Bianca Monty has a memory of Contessa’s death despite not being related to her. In this particular memory, she is listed as having died after Claudio.

Cause of Death (Shakespeare): Lady Capulet does not die in Romeo & Juliet. King Lear dies of despair following the death of Cordelia.

Cause of Death (Sims): Old Age

Other Information: Bianca Monty’s memory means she could have very well been present at the time of Contessa’s death. In addition, Goneril is the only one of Contessa’s living children to possess a memory of her death.

What is significant about her cause of death? 

 Out of all the deceased sims that I have talked about in this essay, Contessa Capp’s death is quite unique. Not only is she the only one of the six to have died from old age, but she is also the only one of the six who could have possibly died of old age due to being the only elder in the bunch. 

  While this might seem like a problem solved, that is not necessarily the case. While looking at Contessa’s data in SimPE, you would be able to see that she was two days younger than her husband at the time of her death. This means she would have just entered the elder stage when she died, as Consort is three days into the elder stage himself by the time you first play the Capp Manor. This hidden fact offers quite a bit of wiggle room as there is no way she would have died of old age had the game been played normally, meaning it is possible to interpret other factors being involved.

What can we draw from her Shakespeare counterparts? 

 By looking at Contessa in relation to her husband and the name of her granddaughter, it is obvious that Contessa is meant to be a stand-in for Lady Capulet. In Romeo & Juliet, Lady Capulet survives to see the end of the play, while Lady Montague does not, having died from grief after Romeo was banished from Verona. The Sims 2 takes Ladies Capulet and Montague and exchanges their fates, with Lady Montague’s counterpart being alive at the start of the game, and Lady Capulet’s counterpart dying before her lot is played. This may very well be because Lady Capulet is only one of Contessa’s several Shakespeare counterparts.

 If one looks at the names of Contessa’s children, particularly her three daughters, it is easy to see Contessa Capp as a gender-flipped King Lear. Much like how Contessa does not survive to the beginning of The Sims 2, King Lear does not survive the play bearing his name, rather he dies of despair after the death of his favorite daughter.

Hero

Timeline: By looking at the memories of her relatives, we know that Hero died after Claudio and Olivia Monty. The memories of her husband and children, in particular, point out that she died after the twins reached childhood. Given that Claudio and Olivia also died following the twins’ birthday, it is likely that Hero might not have lived much longer after her in-laws died.

Cause of Death (Shakespeare): While Hero does not die in Much Ado About Nothing, she does fake her death until she is cleared of the charges of adultery against her.

Cause of Death (Sims): Unknown, but, as stated in my previous essay, I do believe it may have been by drowning due to the fate suffered by the mythological Hero.

Other Information: Antonio’s biography mentions that he is determined to get to the bottom of her death, which may have been a result of the Capp/Monty feud, while Benedick’s biography states that he may be the one to solve the mystery of her death. Also, Romeo and Mercutio have memories of Hero dying, an anomaly among their generation in Veronaville, meaning it is likely they were present at the time of her death.

What can we draw from her Shakespeare counterpart?

 Hero is definitely an interesting case among this bunch, as she is the only one of the six who does not have a specific cause of death in-game. In Much Ado About Nothing, Hero does not die, but she does fake her death. Could it be possible that she did the same thing in The Sims 2? If this is the case, it would likely not have been for the same reason. In Much Ado About Nothing, Hero faked her death after Claudio accuses her of being unfaithful at their wedding. In The Sims 2, Hero is described as being Antonio Monty’s “one true love” in the latter’s biography, as a result, it is unlikely that she could have faked her death due to such an accusation. However, Antonio’s biography offers an alternative reason she may have done so, namely the Capp/Monty feud.  

  However, as mentioned in my previous essay regarding her death, I believe it is unlikely that this incarnation of Hero is alive somewhere for three reasons:

Unlike Hero from Much Ado About Nothing, there is no evidence that anyone in Veronaville had any knowledge should Hero Monty have planned to fake her death, rather everyone seems to treat her as being dead.

Most of the Montys possess a memory of her death, and those who do not remember her dying have absolutely no relationship with her in any of their relationship panels.

Unlike Bella Goth, who is clearly shown to be alive on the Goth family tree despite not being visible in Pleasantview, Hero’s portrait in the Monty family tree is clearly greyed out a la other deceased sims. In addition, Bella Goth can be added to a household by using the boolprop cheat, whereas Hero cannot unless you recreate her from scratch, or use something like SimPE (a third party program).

Timeline

 From looking at the information we gathered so far, we can try to put together a complete timeline of deaths.

 As stated above, we know the order of deaths for the separate families, but here, I will try to assemble a timeline that I feel fits the closest with both the information that has been provided and my personal Veronaville narrative. Keep in mind that much of this timeline reflects my theory about these deaths, so while I will offer some explanation as to why I believe certain deaths fit into certain slots, I will also provide further reasoning later in the next section for elements that are not directly related to my placements here. 

  The majority of the information listed below is not canon to the original game, so keep that in mind and read this with a grain of salt.

Death #1: Cordelia Capp

While the first to go is rather ambiguous, I personally believe that Cordelia being the first of the six to die fits the best for my theory. We know that she died in a fire alongside her husband Caliban, but we do not have any real proof from the game that she and her husband outlived their Monty counterparts, especially given the myriad of ways one can play a neighborhood. That being said, given the fact that she died in between the births of two of her nieces, as well as before her daughter Hermia became a teenager, it is likely more logical to assume that she and Caliban were meant to die before their Monty counterparts in the Veronaville timeline.

Death #2: Caliban Capp

Since we know that Cordelia died before Caliban in what was likely the same fire, it is safe to assume that Caliban just barely outlived his wife.

Death #3: Claudio Monty

As stated in his biography, it seems like Claudio had a lot on his plate before he died. According to his biography, he always wanted to make his parents happy, yet he had to deal with the fact that his son has become involved with a member of the enemy family. On top of that, should we assume Olivia’s pregnancy was unplanned, he likely found himself having more to deal with than he would otherwise. But what could have been the coup de grâce that ended up causing him to neglect his most important need? From what I have posted up above, I believe it just might have been the deaths of Cordelia Capp and her husband. 

When a feud lasts as long as the Capp/Monty feud, odds are the entire town knows about it. If something shady happens to one family, you can probably assume that the townsfolk will immediately suspect the other family of any wrongdoing. If this is the case, not only did Claudio Monty feel the need to make his parents proud, he also had to deal with the reality of his son’s first romance, his wife’s pregnancy, and on top of all that, potentially being accused of a crime that he may-or-may-not have committed. With all four of these facets playing out in his life, he may have found himself too busy and/or stressed out to eat, which ended up taking his life.

Death #4: Olivia Monty

Personally, I believe Olivia and Claudio’s deaths were more spread apart than their Capp counterparts. I don’t think Olivia died immediately after Claudio, but I don’t think she lasted much longer. 

Olivia’s biography does not contain any reference to the Capp/Monty feud, but that being said, I believe it tied directly into Claudio’s death. As stated above, I believe Claudio had a lot on his plate by the time he inevitably died, and one of those things was Olivia’s pregnancy, which may have been unplanned depending on your interpretation. I believe part of the reason that Olivia was able to avoid being pushed over the edge may very well have been because Claudio was around and his presence might have been reassuring to her. 

However, once Claudio died, Olivia would lose that secure safety net, and as a result, she could have stopped eating. Olivia not eating, combined with her accelerating need decay due to pregnancy, could have very well caused her to die much sooner than she otherwise would have.

Death #5: Hero Monty

I have seen arguments stating that Hero was likely the last of the six to die, and while that is certainly possible, I personally have a different interpretation.

By looking at the general timeline assembled from the memories provided, we know for sure that, much like Claudio and Olivia, she died after her twins became children. Given that Beatrice and Benedick are both halfway through the child life stage when you first play Antonio’s family, odds are her death likely occurred not long after both Claudio’s and Olivia’s depending on your personal play style.

Final Death: Contessa Capp

Given the memories provided by members of the Capp family, we know that Contessa Capp at least outlived her daughter and son-in-law. As stated above when discussing the errors found in both Juliette and Bianca’s memories, the errors present in both cases don’t really give any sort of definitive answer as to whether she died before or after the Montys, so her placement, along with those of the Monty family, is basically left up to interpretation. 

As for me, I tend to look at this conundrum from more of a narrative angle, specifically which death of the four would be more impactful to the neighborhood as a whole. Would it be the death of the Monty patriarch’s son, one of his daughters-in-law or the death of the Capp matriarch herself?

While all three of the Montys who died all have their importance to Veronaville, the fact of the matter is that none of their deaths would alter both the neighborhood and familial dynamics to the same degree as the death of Contessa Capp. While Claudio may have been the son of a patrilineal family’s patriarch, the possible impact his death could have caused cannot even come close to Contessa’s, as she was the matriarch, the center, of a matrilineal family.

Putting Together my Theory 

 My theory may be a bit of a stretch given the way the game was programmed, however, I do find it interesting and I thought it would be fun to share. Like I already mentioned, please take this with a grain of salt, none of what I am about to say is endorsed by the powers that be, rather it is just the ramblings of a simmer with way too much time on her hands and a lot of Veronaville feelings. 

 One thing I found rather interesting is, despite the Montys being a well off family of chefs, there is absolutely no evidence of any Monty-owned establishment in Veronaville. This is likely in part because restaurants were not introduced until the Nightlife expansion pack, and the opportunity for your sims to own a community lot was not available until Open for Business. However, this theory takes the lack of a Monty owned restaurant into account, even if there is no such thing in Veronaville when you load the game, that doesn’t mean it was never there in the first place. 

 With that little preface out of the way, this is my theory: 

 Cordelia Capp was never a fan of the generation-spanning feud between the Capps and the Montys. She never could understand why her father and Patrizio Monty always needed something to fight about, nor did she want to. The final straw, however, was that her daughter might not be afforded the same luxury she had of being able to marry for love, all because of the bad blood between the two families. As a result, her brother, who was also anti-feud, ended up connecting her with his good friend Bianca Monty, and the two eventually planned to meet at the Monty family restaurant in order to discuss ideas on how to end the feud once and for all. 

 On the day of the meeting, Cordelia, along with her husband Caliban, arrived at the restaurant. Not long before they arrived, the restaurant’s sous chef, Claudio Monty, received a call from his wife, causing him to leave work early. Before he left, however, he placed prep cook Hero Monty in charge. Unfortunately, Claudio’s decision to return home to his wife would have deadly consequences, as Hero received a call from a local society dame to cater for her daughter’s wedding. Wanting to get her name out there and prove to her husband’s family that she has what it takes to be a sous chef, Hero jumped at the opportunity and went home to prepare a bowl of Italian Wedding soup, not realizing that she left one of the burners on in the restaurant. 

 Bianca Monty had still not arrived by the time the fire went off, though Contessa Capp, her husband, and their two other daughters caught a glimpse of the blaze outside while shopping nearby. Contessa, already aware of Cordelia’s intentions to meet with Bianca Monty beforehand, rushed over to the burning building as fast as she could. While most of the patrons left the restaurant in a panic, Cordelia, always the kind of person to help others, instead ran off to the kitchen to make sure the staff was okay. 

  By the time Caliban got outside, he realized his wife was nowhere to be found, and rather than secure his safety, he ran back into the burning restaurant to look for her, despite pleas from Goneril and Regan to wait for help to arrive. After not seeing her in either the dining room or the bathroom, Caliban knew there was only one place he had yet to check, the kitchen. Upon walking into the kitchen, however, he found Cordelia on the floor not too far from the fiery inferno that emerged from the stove. When he saw death’s visage looming above her, his worst fears were realized, and it wasn’t much longer until he too died of smoke inhalation. The firefighters arrived at the restaurant too late, but they were able to obtain what was left of both Cordelia and Caliban and deliver their remains to an inconsolable Contessa Capp. 

 Bianca arrived at the restaurant shortly after the firefighters arrived on the scene. She was informed that, while most of the patrons and the entirety of the staff made it out alive, the fire ended up claiming two victims. Claudio, having been confronted by the police a few hours after he arrived home, was already made aware of the deaths of Cordelia Capp and her husband. Once Bianca revealed her intention of meeting with Cordelia at the restaurant, Claudio snapped at her, realizing that not only did she bring a Capp into their family restaurant, but that in doing so, she could very well have ruined his reputation in one fell swoop. This was the last time either of them spoke to one another, and by the time Claudio died, their relationship had still not been patched up. While Bianca would continue to visit Claudio’s home, it was never by his invitation, rather she would tag along with her parents in order to visit her nephews. 

 The deadly events that occurred at the Monty family’s restaurant were on the front page of every newspaper, magazine, and the top story on every Veronaville news program. As more information came out, many of the townspeople, as well as the Capp family themselves, began to point fingers at the Monty family, particularly Claudio Monty, who was supposed to be in charge of the kitchen on the day of the fire. The exceptions to this were the neutral Summerdreams, who saw the whole thing for what it truly was, a horrible accident. 

 The deaths of Caliban, and especially Cordelia, at the Monty establishment, enraged Consort and Contessa Capp, as well as their two surviving daughters, Goneril and Regan. Tybalt Capp, the oldest child and only son of Cordelia and Caliban, became much more aggressive towards the Monty boys. Upon learning the circumstances of his parents’ deaths, he attacked Mercutio Monty at the Veronaville Marketplace before they were separated by police intervention. Cordelia and Caliban’s older daughter, Juliette, found comfort in Romeo Monty and did not blame him for what happened as there was no way he could have had anything to do with the tragedy. That being said, she did blame his father Claudio for not being there to prevent the fire, as well as his aunt Bianca for being the one who invited her mother to lunch in the first place. Younger daughter Hermia was not so lucky and fell into a deep depression that lasted into adolescence. The children of Goneril and Albany Capp did not really react to the deaths of their aunt and uncle, it was almost like they never knew what happened. Their daughter Miranda was old enough to grasp the concept of death, but she didn’t seem to notice because she was too busy acting out as a result of her parents having yet another baby. Their younger two children, Hal and Desdemona, were both too young to understand. Kent Capp, who had known about the meeting beforehand, was unable to accept the loss of his favorite sister and coped by denying it ever occurred in the first place. 

 At the time of the fire, Claudio had not been sleeping much at night. He always worried whether he would be able to make his parents proud of both his hard work and his beautiful family, but ever since his son Romeo became closer to Juliette Capp, Claudio became more and more doubtful that he could live up to their standard. If that wasn’t hard enough, he and Olivia got a little too frisky one night, and Olivia ended up pregnant. While this was something they would have been ecstatic about a few years ago, they were both at a point where they weren’t looking to have any more children, especially since Claudio had started taking more responsibilities at the family restaurant, and their sons had started working part-time as well. While the unplanned pregnancy was hard on Claudio due to the horrible timing, it was even worse on Olivia. On the day of the fire, Olivia had called Claudio in a panic after she had accidentally eaten some spoiled food, and Claudio had gone home because he wasn’t having much luck calming her down over the phone. 

 When word got back to Patrizio and Isabella Monty that Claudio had abandoned his post, they expressed their disappointment. They understood and appreciated his dedication to his family, but they told him that he should have contacted them to make sure Olivia was okay and kept working instead. After this, Claudio buried himself in his work in order to drown out the gossip. When he was home, he found himself spending most of his time taking care of his wife and making sure his sons kept out of trouble to such a degree that he ended up neglecting his own needs. It wasn’t long until one night, he collapsed upon arriving home from work and died on the front lawn. Despite his mother rushing outside to plead for her son’s life, she did not make it out before the Grim Reaper took out his phone. 

 At the time of her husband’s death, Olivia had been cared for by Claudio’s parents and siblings whenever he was away. Upon hearing of her husband’s passing, she fainted in shock. While Bianca, Patrizio, and Isabella had left before morning to get Claudio’s affairs in order, Antonio remained behind to help his nephews take care of their mother. Despite all three of them attending to Olivia, she refused to eat anything and died less than twenty-four hours later, taking her unborn child with her. 

 The deaths of Claudio and Olivia Monty were the catalysts that set Hero’s death into motion. Following Claudio’s death, one of the waiters at the Monty family restaurant had revealed to some friends that Hero had been left in charge by her brother-in-law on the day of the fire. Since Veronaville was fairly small, news spread fast and word eventually made its way to the Capp family. After receiving numerous phone calls from the Capp Manor after Claudio and Olivia were laid to rest, Hero ended up drowning. The first person to find her body was her son Benedick. Not long afterward, the rest of the household piled in, along with Patrizio, Isabella, Mercutio, and Romeo Monty, all of whom were at Antonio’s home when Hero’s body was discovered. Antonio later discovered the Capp Manor’s phone number on his phone’s history, but he could not track down any messages that the Capps might have left. 

 Shortly after Bianca Monty moved out of the Monty Ranch to make room for her orphaned nephews, she received a call from Contessa Capp. After exchanging a few calls, the two of them agreed to meet at the Capp Manor on a day when Contessa’s husband and orphaned grandchildren, who were taken in by Contessa and Consort following Cordelia and Caliban’s death, would have been out of the house, with Kent acting as a third party. They also agreed that their meeting should end before Contessa’s grandchildren arrived home from school due to Tybalt’s aggressive behavior. In between the time that Contessa first made contact and Bianca visited the Capp Manor, the two secretly kept in contact with Kent acting as their messenger. 

 During Bianca’s visit, Contessa told her that Cordelia had grown tired of seeing the two families go after one another, which is something her daughter made no effort to hide from her. She told Bianca that once Juliette told Cordelia about her feelings for Romeo, Cordelia was not only supportive but decided that she would do whatever it took to end the feud once and for all, so her daughter could pursue a relationship with him without fear of repercussion from either side. The day before her death, Cordelia had confided in Contessa about her meeting with Bianca at the Monty family restaurant, and that, despite Contessa’s protests that Bianca could have been luring her into a trap, Cordelia had already made up her mind to go ahead with the meeting. 

 Contessa then expressed to Bianca that, upon first hearing of Cordelia’s death, she believed that her daughter was indeed tricked. However, upon speaking privately with Kent, she learned otherwise. That being said, she still expressed that while she wanted her granddaughter to be happy, she thought it would be for the best to separate her from the Montys as much as possible due to the rising tensions. After she finished telling Bianca her story, Contessa went to the kitchen to make some tea, and not long after stepping foot into the dining room, she collapsed with a loud thud. Bianca and Kent then carried the old woman into her room, and once inside, Contessa, her voice faint, asked the younger woman and her son to place her on the couch next to her daughter’s remains. After calling an ambulance, Kent returned to the master bedroom, where he and Bianca resolved to wait with the Capp matriarch until help arrived. They tried to make conversation with her for a few minutes before Contessa looked towards the corner of the room and called out the name of her deceased daughter. After that, she closed her eyes for the final time. 

 After Contessa died, Bianca realized that it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon, the time when Contessa’s grandchildren were expected to arrive home from school. She managed to flee mostly unseen, however, her escape was spotted out of the corner of Juliette’s eye. 

 Unlike the deaths of Cordelia and Caliban Capp, Contessa’s death was much quieter due to there being no obvious links to the feud. Contessa’s widower, Consort, was absolutely beside himself. According to him, Contessa had never been the same after Cordelia died, and no matter how much he tried to console her, she would always talk about wanting to be with her daughter again. Though he knew Contessa was deeply saddened by their daughter’s death, he never in his worst nightmares imagined that the resulting despair would end up claiming her life. He ended up telling Goneril Capp of Contessa’s death, but couldn’t bring himself to inform Regan due to his struggle to process what happened. Regan later learned of her mother’s fate from her husband, who was informed by Goneril via a phone call. While he was present for his mother’s death, Kent reacted to it the same way he reacted to Cordelia’s passing, by denying it ever occurred in the first place in order to cope with the loss. Tybalt, Juliette, and Hermia Capp were all saddened by their grandmother’s passing as well. Tybalt once again became more aggressive, while Hermia, who had just come out of her previous depression, fell into another one. Juliette, well, she continued to seek comfort in Romeo.

Recapping my Theory 

 My theory doesn’t really follow in-game logic as much as I would like, but I think it matches up pretty well with the information provided by the game, as well as taking inspiration from parts of the relevant Shakespeare works. While I did try to implement all the information I mentioned previously into my theory, I also added some references to information that I did not touch upon, but could easily see being tied back to these six deaths. 

  For example, if one looks at Juliette Capp’s relationship panel when you first play the Capp Manor, you would see that she considers Bianca Monty an enemy. In my theory, I tried to hint as to why I think she might feel that way. 

  To sum it up: here’s a quick recap on how I consider each of these six sims to have met their ends:

Cordelia—Died of smoke inhalation in a restaurant fire after checking to see if the staff was okay.

Caliban—Died of smoke inhalation after going back into the burning restaurant and finding his dead wife in the kitchen.

Claudio—Starved to death due to great stress brought upon by maintaining family standards, parenting woes, his wife’s pregnancy, trying to ignore the aftermath of the fire, and ultimately overworking himself.

Olivia—Starved to death less than a day after her husband died due to the stress of her pregnancy and the fear of being all alone with three children.

Hero—Drowned after receiving countless calls from the Capp Manor.

Contessa—Died of premature old age brought upon by intense grief following the death of her daughter in the aforementioned restaurant fire.

Final Thoughts 

 While Veronaville is my favorite of the premade neighborhoods in The Sims 2, I will be the first to admit that the neighborhood is an unfinished mess in many regards (conflicting memories, conflicting ages, borked sims, etc.). That is why I think it is important to take a closer look at each of these things that are often overlooked by many members of The Sims 2 fandom. A lot of people seem to gravitate more towards Pleasantview and Strangetown, which is understandable, both of those neighborhoods are a lot of fun and offer interesting narratives. That being said, as someone who enjoys Shakespeare, and has since middle school, I think it’s quite a shame that Veronaville isn’t talked about more among members of the fanbase. 

 It is because of these facts that I wanted to write about Veronaville both in regard to the information provided by the game, and in the context of Shakespeare’s original plays. There are a lot of interesting parallels to be found in many respects if you look closely at both, and that especially rings true for the deaths of these six sims (though my take on Hero’s takes more from classical mythology than Shakespeare canon). While some of these instances are contradictory, there are others that match up quite well, and I hope I was able to convey that here for all of you.

  Thank you so much for reading this essay. This was actually the essay that started the Veronaville Vault in the first place, and I am happy to finally share it with all of you. It was through this essay that I decided to look beyond what can be found in-game, and look to Shakespeare and other relevant sources for information.

  As some of you might have guessed, this is the larger essay that was mentioned in my entry regarding Hero Monty’s death. Much of what was found in that essay was originally in this one, but I ended up adding that information to that one because this essay was already hella long.

  Once again, thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed, feel free to like and reblog this post. Also, feel free to talk to me about this topic, as well as other aspects of Veronaville, whenever you feel like it. As someone with way too many feelings about this neighborhood, I'm always up for a discussion.