#honestly we need to have a serious discussion about the type of shit we teach to our girls

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

Trying to have a reasonable discussion with a r****m is a lost cause, specially on social media. They have already made up their minds about the world and how it affects them. They are immersed too deeply in that ideology due to years and years of trauma, disappointment and loss. It's gotten to the point that it has manifested in STRONG and DEEP hatred, anger and bitterness. This isn't easy to get rid of. The vast majority of them have actually been ingrained stuff like this since childhood because most came from either extremely rigid or chaotic households with all types of fucked up and toxic ideas being taught to them. This resulted in repressing or desperation, which led to them getting exploited and abused by others outside of their family. To be honest, they need to be re-born in order for them to truly abandon an ideology as twisted as r*****l f******m.

[angelyuji]

professor miguel o'hara headcanons :)

miguel o'hara x gender neutral reader

+ yandere headcanons!!!!

professor miguel o’hara would be so OFUAN:EOAFIDNWFBOWE”NJP sorry im just feral for him

professor o’hara would actually be the worst professor to get tbh like he’s a strict grader, he’s super anal about late turn-ins, all that jazz. like he’s got a shit ratemyprofessor rating… he’s the worst. he’s not the type to insult you or make you feel like shit for getting questions wrong or failing an exam HOWEVER he does say that if you fail an exam, just drop out cuz you’re not passing yeahhh he sucks lol

also he has a p.h.d in genetics and genomic sciences (totally didn’t just search up what the major is called and pasted it on here… definitely not) so he’s a huge stickler on being called doctor o’hara

however, when you mess up and say professor, he doesn’t seem to mind it all that much

professor o’hara who obviously has favorites (based on who participates more/does the best on exams)

Miguel would send students that come to him for help to students that do really well in the class (he does not care to reteach or help with essays) “you should’ve paid attention when i was explaining. im sure one of your classmates like (y/n) can help.”

motorcycle professor, office hours are always open for questions or concerns, he’s honestly chill just super strict and mean-looking

however no matter what, every single bitch has a crush on him… have you SEEEEEN him. yall know that scene in criminal minds when spencer reid is teaching a class and basically the entire class was auditing the class becuz he’s hot… yeah that except miguel o’hara is a lot meaner about chasing those people out.

yandere :0

:IBFP(I)IU*Y&^&TFRTCVGBHIK\

sorry

lemme set the scene, ur one of the smartest of your class, you’re his favorite student like ur pretty, smart, and kind to your classmate and honestly…. he was downright obsessed like mf knows ur entire class schedule, he knows ur address ur number ur email. e v e r y t h i n g

ur kindness to your classmates is gonna be ur downfall, someone (who is known to be a cheater) is gonna go to him asking for help on a project. miguel is gonna be like “lol im not helping u but yk who will? (y/n).” miguel knows that your classmate is gonna cheat, but that’s a part of the plan

they go up to you, ask to see ur project and when ur not looking, take pictures of ur research and everything. you won’t know a thing becuz ur a nice friend :)

you’ll just turn in ur stuff and chill. the next class after the due date, professor o’hara asks you to stay after class.

“(y/n), it looks like you and another classmate have almost exact project.” miguel turns his screen towards you, showing your project and your classmates

“what? dr. o’hara, i don’t know what’s going on, but i promise you, i didn’t cheat off of anyone.” you beg.

“i’m sure that we can get to the bottom of this, (y/n)…” miguel pretends to think for a second. “how about this, come to my office around 6. i think i’ll be done with classes for the day. we’ll have a chat.” he stands, rearranging his papers.

“of course. i’ll be there!” you thank him and rush out to meet your friends, holding back tears.

i mean, of course you’ll go to see your professor. you’ve been accused of plagiarism and that shit can get you expelled.

you knock on the door. “dr. o’hara?”

“come in.” you walk in, anxious to get the situation resolved. you see your professor sitting at his desk, but you don’t see your classmate.

“i thought the other person would here too…” you feel a weird sense of dread fill in your stomach.

“ms. (l/n), i don’t think we need them here for this discussion.” he motions for you to sit down at the chair. “plagiarism is a very serious offence.”

“professor, you can’t seriously believe that i copied off of them!” you’ve got the best grades in the class, you feel flabbergasted.

“ms. (l/n)!” he frowns.

you lower your head, ashamed, “i’m sorry, it’s just. they came up to me, asking for help…”

“i understand, (y/n), but do you have any physical proof of that?” you stay silent. “i can… find a way to help you, but… you’re gonna have to do something for me, (y/n).” miguel leans in and you feel that dread in your stomach worsen, but you have no other choice.

“of course, professor! anything!”

eDTRUTYGYH*(J)(_)_JIHUUGYFR^%&T*Y(UOIJL

he’s gonna take advantage of your situation. at first, it’ll be like secret dates, small (expensive) gifts at your door, then it moves up.

soon, he’s making you come to his home, making you stay overnight….

it was raining when you had went over and the rain was getting worse. his house was in the middle of a neighborhood in the woods, everything about this situation was grossing you out. “dr. o’hara, i don’t-” you, hesitantly, walk through the doors into his home.

“miguel. i’ve told you, (y/n). you should call me miguel when we’re alone.” he smiles at you and locks the door behind you.

“right… miguel, i don’t think that this is appropriate.” you look around his home. it was quaint, clean… almost like it wasn’t even lived in. you would’ve thought it was a random rental if it wasn’t for his diplomas framed on the wall.

“(y/n), do i need to remind you of our deal?” he looks at you, and for the first time since this situation started, you felt afraid. miguel disappears into the kitchen and you decide to step back closer to the front door, itching to run. “(y/n),” he pops his head out and smiles, “take a seat at the dining table.” you see fangs in his mouth and your fear grows.

dinner goes by uneventfully, but you feel uneasy as miguel chats it up with you. he had been too… nonchalant about the arrangement, but this was a new development. he wouldn’t ask you questions about yourself, but he somehow knew everything about you. it creeped you out. “if dinner is over, i should go home.” you stand, pushing back your chair.

he grabs your hand, “there’s no need to rush, (y/n)… unless,” he lets go and leans back in his chair, thinking. you freeze. “if you want to leave, i can always go to the board and tell them about your essay.” miguel shrugs and gets up.

“no! no… i’m sorry, doctor- sorry, miguel, i’m not leaving.” you sit back down.

miguel laughs, straightening, “you’re so cute, sweetheart. i’ll go get dessert.” he steps back into the kitchen. you grab your phone and text your roommate asking for help, but they don’t respond. miguel walks out with two plates of cheesecake. he continues to talk to you, asking about your classes for next semester. you gingerly answer his questions and eat, eager to finish and go home. you look behind miguel’s head and notice that the rain had gotten worse. if you didn’t leave now, you’d get stuck here.

“i should get going then.” you carefully place the fork down. “the rain is getting pretty bad.” miguel turns to look and you check your phone. still no response. miguel hums as the rain pelts the ground. he looks back at you.

“any minute now.” he doesn’t say anything else.

“ha, yeah. it’ll get worse any minute now.” you repeat and stand up. all of a sudden, your head spins. you stumble and grab your chair. immediately miguel is at your side, helping you steady. your head won’t stop spinning and you hear your words slurring, “fuck, i don’t feel good.” miguel picks you up with ease, holding you bridal-style. “put me down, please, miguel. i need to go home.” you feel yourself lose consciousness and lay your head against miguel’s chest, too tired and dizzy to fight.

“everything is okay, (y/n). all you need is me.”  the last thing you feel as miguel whispers in your ear, is a kiss against your forehead.

[quickspinner]

Oops - Part 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | AO3

(See part 1 for summary and warnings)

Marinette was having a hard time keeping her mind on girls’ night. Rose and Juleka had just signed a new lease to move in together in the coming month, and it should have been exciting, but somehow she just couldn’t get into the discussions about decor and whose couch they should keep and how many dishes they really needed.

Marinette had other things on her mind. 

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she glanced at the others quickly before turning it over. 

Sorry, babe, I’ve got a gig that day. Wish I could.

Marinette bit her lip, trying not to be upset. She started to type a reply, when another set of messages came in. 

You could come if you want We could go home together after Just go easy on the drinks this time ;)

Marinette giggled, but sent back You sure? I won’t be in the way?

I’d want you there even if you were. You’re small, we can stick you in an instrument case if we need to

Marinette laughed aloud at that. 

Should I dress up? she typed.

Anything you wear looks good on my floor. Do what makes you happy 

Marinette pressed her legs together, bouncing her knees, and then sent, before she could rethink it, Doing you makes me happy.

There was a long pause before his next message, and then it was just an address and a time, followed by Can’t wait to see you Friday . And Saturday morning. Don’t make lunch plans. 

Marinette gave a little squeal, hiding her face in her hands. 

All of the girls were looking at her with varying expressions. Juleka and Alix looked amused, Rose excited, and Mylène just looked happy for her. 

Alya was looking at her with a slow spreading grin. “Well weeeeell,” she drawled, leaning on the counter between them. “Let me guess. Setting up your next booty call with your new boytoy?”

There was enough truth in that to make Marinette blush deeply. Alya cackled. 

“Details, girl,” she said, slapping the counter. “You’ve been doing this guy for weeks now, what’s the story? He must be good to still put that dopey look on your face after all this time.”

“What—n-no!” Marinette spluttered, looking at the rest of the girls. Juleka was rolling her eyes while Rose and Mylène covered giggles. Alix had that same amused expression as she shook her head slightly. “I’m not gonna talk about that,” Marinette insisted. “It’s none of your business!” 

“Come on, Mari, spill,” Alya said, leaning forward again. “It can’t be that embarrassing. Does he fuck you up against a wall with all your clothes on and call you a naughty girl?” 

Marinette choked, and Alya laughed. 

“Oh, Marinette, you’re such an innocent,” she chortled, sitting back with a smirk like she had gained some kind of victory. 

Marinette’s face burned with both shame and...anger. How dare Alya dismiss her just like that? Like they were still silly teenagers and Marinette couldn’t even talk to a guy, let alone take him home and—suddenly she realized she was tired of Alya’s patronizing, and on top of that, she felt insulted on Luka’s behalf. Taking a breath, Marinette straightened her shoulders and put on the best air of nonchalance she could manage despite her red face. “He probably would, if I asked him to,” she said airily. “But he really likes to take his time for that part.” Summoning up every ounce of the boldness Luka inspired in her, she blurted, “If he wants to make me come fast and hard, he uses his hands.” 

The entire room went silent as they all stared at her. Pretending like she didn’t feel like she was going to throw up from nerves and embarrassment any second, Marinette added dreamily, “He has amazing hands.” 

Alya raised her eyebrows, clearly amused and at least half disbelieving. “Not his tongue?” 

“He’s a great kisser,” Marinette smiled, deliberately misunderstanding. Alya grinned wolfishly. 

“No, girl, I mean when he e—“

“Oh, he’s great with his mouth on me too,” Marinette interrupted, eyes widening innocently. “It’s just, when he uses his hands, he can still use his voice. Mm, he has such a sexy voice.” The shudder that went through her was entirely real. “It makes me so…” she couldn’t quite bring herself to say it, and took a sip of her wine instead.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, I can’t believe that you like this guy dirty-talking you,” Alya accused, narrowing her eyes as she set her cup down with a slam. “Little miss sweetness and light. You can’t even handle it when we talk about fucking.”

Marinette shrugged as if she was completely indifferent to what Alya believed. “You don’t say it like he does,” she commented, and took another sip of her drink, staring off into the distance as if she’d completely forgotten Alya was there. She was stretching the truth a bit, she knew. It wasn’t dirty talk, not really, not the way Alya was thinking. Luka didn’t have to be filthy to work her up; he could recite phone listings in that hot, growling voice, and it would be enough to put her over the edge, so when he told her she was beautiful, that he loved the way she smelled or tasted or felt or sounded, or asked what she wanted, or suggested something he wanted her to do for him, or panted out how close he was…

She shivered again. 

Alya didn’t need to know that though. Marinette flicked her eyes around the others, a little nervous about their reactions. Mylène was smiling, Juleka was smirking, and Rose had her hands clasped together and was practically vibrating with excitement. Alix was snickering behind her hand.

“Aw, did Marinette just shatter all your illusions, Alya?” Alix laughed. “You just can’t handle that your oh-so-innocent bestie has a hot side piece.”

Marinette frowned. “Can you have a side piece if you don’t have a...a main piece?”

Alix patted her shoulder. “You can be your own main piece.” 

“Marinette,” Alya said, putting her drink down, suddenly serious. “This isn’t like you. Just who is this guy, anyway? Does he even have a day job?” 

“Yes,” Marinette frowned. “He’s a teacher.” It wasn’t a lie; Luka did teach private music lessons in addition to his performance work, but with Alya giving her that judgemental look, Marinette didn’t intend to give her any details. 

“Ooh, hot for teacher, nice.” Alix reached over and, though feeling a little foolish, Marinette met her high five, but Alya looked unconvinced.

“Well, just be careful,” Alya cautioned her. “You’re still on the rebound—” Am I? Marinette found herself wondering. It didn’t feel like it, actually, when she thought about it. “—and I know you’re feeling pretty vulnerable right now and I don’t want this guy taking advantage of you. If you wanna have fun with him, whatever, but be careful what you tell him and don’t loan him any money.” She sighed. “And especially, don’t fall in love with him. He’s a good time, and that’s it, and he’ll only break your heart if you start wanting more.” 

Marinette just stared at her, mouth hanging open slightly, as Alya turned away. There was a tense moment and then Rose piped up, “All right, are we ready for the movie? Let’s get started!” The girls all murmured agreement and began moving toward the living room.

Marinette put her drink down, 

“Hey,” Alix said, leaning over her shoulder. “Alya’s just trying to look out for you. She didn’t mean it how it sounded, you know that. If you say this guy is cool, I believe you, but it never hurts to watch out for yourself, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Marinette managed a weak smile. “I get it. Sure.” 

***

Marinette was having a shit day. One of her underlings had screwed up at work, which meant, to the bosses, that Marinette screwed up, and then she had to smile and take in the teeth from her bosses while soothing her horrified intern and trying to deal with the problems he’d caused. She’d complained about it to Alya when she got home, and stupidly, she’d mentioned that knowing she had a date with Luka tonight was the only thing that got her through the day. That earned her another well-intentioned condescending talking-to about being careful and not getting invested in something that was clearly only temporary. “I know you, Marinette,” Alya insisted. “He’ll say something sweet just trying to get you naked and you’ll get infatuated and start planning your whole future while the whole time he’s got one foot out the door.” Nino, who’d showed up to pick up Alya in the middle of it, had grudgingly sided with Alya over the whole thing. 

“It’s not really like you, Nette,” Nino said with an uncomfortable shrug. “I mean, I don’t want to be all judgy and weird. I just…well, you’ve...” He’d trailed off and hustled Alya out the door when he saw tears in Marinette’s eyes, leaving her at least with the dignity of breaking down in private. 

She flopped over the arm of the couch and sobbed until her phone beeped a reminder at her. Luka , she thought, touching her swollen face. She couldn’t go out like this. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to anymore. She just wanted to crawl into bed and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.

But she had this date, and…

Alya’s words flooded back and fresh tears fell down her face. Maybe Luka wouldn’t care if she canceled. Maybe…maybe she shouldn’t be feeling so sick about that thought. Maybe Alya was right and she was on the road to another heartbreak. Luka had never said anything, after that first day, about wanting anything more. They weren’t always having sex when they were together, they did other things, but they did always end up in bed eventually. But that didn’t mean anything! Right? Maybe—Marinette sighed. Maybe she didn’t need anything else to spiral about tonight, thanks so much, Alya. Why wasn’t she allowed to just have fun without Alya telling her what was best for her? She enjoyed spending time with Luka, and yeah, he made it clear he enjoyed all the... intimate things they did, but that didn’t mean— 

Focus , she reminded herself, wiping her eyes again. She still had a date tonight that she was in no condition to go to, and if she didn’t call soon Luka would already be on his way to meet her. 

She took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself and called him.

“Hey, beautiful, what’s up?” Luka asked, his smooth voice light and cheerful.

“Hi,” Marinette squeaked, and then gulped down a sob. Shit, she should have texted, she sounded awful.

Luka’s tone shifted immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“N-nothing major, I just...I had a really bad day and...I don’t think I’m up for our date tonight. I’m so sorry, I know it’s really last minute, I hope you haven’t left yet, I just—” She caught a tear on her hand and wiped it away, trying not to sniffle into the phone.

“Of course it’s okay,” Luka said, his voice low and soft. “Don’t force yourself, it’s fine. Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No,” Marinette choked, her throat tightening again. 

“Okay. Well, how about if I grab some takeout and bring you dinner? I can pick up something for your roommate too if you like.”

“Oh, you don’t—you don’t have to do that. Alya’s out with her boyfriend, I’m not sure she’s even coming back tonight. I mean, you don’t have to pick up anything at all, I can just scrounge something, I'll be fine, I think we have some...some ramen or something I can make…I’m not very hungry right now anyway.” Ugh, she was a babbling idiot, why hadn’t she just texted him.

“Late lunch?”

“No…” Marinette frowned, trying to think. “I don’t think I ate lunch.”

“Thought so,” Luka chuckled. 

“B-but—I—“

“I don’t have to stay if you’d rather be alone,” Luka told her, his voice so full of sympathy that she wanted to cry all over again. “But at least let me bring you something to eat. It’s not like I had other plans. What’s your favorite food to cry into?” His tone turned teasing. “I can at least bring you some real ramen instead of the instant stuff, if that’s really what you want.” 

Marinette bit her lip, picturing for a moment the congee she used to get at the shop by her old office. She loved it, because it reminded her of her mother’s, but she hadn’t had in in ages because they didn’t deliver to this part of town, and—

“Anything you want,” Luka told her softly. “Come on, what are you thinking about?” 

“It’s out of your way,” Marinette said, shifting on her couch. “I...give me just a second, I’ll think of something, um…” 

“Marinette,” Luka said, a touch of amusement in his voice. “Just tell me what you want. I’m all over this town for gigs all the time, a few extra subway stops won’t kill me.” 

She told him, and gave him directions. 

“Okay. I’ll go pick it up and be there as soon as I can. You take a nice long bath or a shower, or at least wash your face, okay? Get comfortable for a night in.”

Marinette smiled a little at his prescription, and whispered, “Okay.” She sat there a few minutes longer after they hung up, trying to gather enough caring to get up and do as he suggested. Finally she made it up off the couch, and drifted into the bathroom.

She cried more in the shower, but she did feel better after standing in the hot water, which at least relieved some of the stiffness and stinging of her face and eyes, and helped her breathe easier. She sat on her bed wrapped in her towel for a long moment, feeling limp and languid, but if she was sitting here naked when Luka showed up, he’d probably think she wanted some other kind of comforting, and she just wasn’t sure she felt like it tonight. She dug out one of her more modest nightgowns, made of thin, soft fabric that fell to her calves, with wide straps and a shallow scoop neck that covered most of her chest. It was still pretty, because Marinette liked pretty things, but it wasn’t seductive or anything like that. 

Not that she was in any condition to seduce anybody, she thought, as she pressed her fingers below her aching eyes. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to let Luka come over. Would it hurt his feelings if she made him leave the food at the door?

Marinette had almost decided to do just that when she heard him knock. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, and then sighed. Well, if her puffy, blotchy face and stuffed up nose grossed him out and he didn’t want to see her anymore, then at least that would be one less thing for Alya to bitch at her about, she thought as she opened the door.

Luka’s expression shifted from concern to sympathy as soon as she came into view. “Aw, come here,” he said, reaching for her as he stepped inside. Marinette let him wrap his arm around her and leaned into him as he squeezed her. He kept her under his arm as he walked to the table, where he put the bag of food down and then turned to embrace her fully, folding her in a tight hug, as he swayed slightly and rubbed her back. It felt amazing, actually, and Marinette pressed her face into his chest, inhaling his scent and enjoying the firm feel of him, warm and solid. 

“You want to eat at the table or somewhere else?” he asked. 

“Couch?” she mumbled into his chest, and he steered her over to it. 

“Sit down then, and I’ll get it all ready.”

He brought her the bowl a few minutes later, sitting down next to her as he made sure she had a grip on it before he let go. “Do you want me to go?” he asked, tucking a damp lock of hair back from her face. “Or would you rather have some company? I won’t be offended, if you’d rather be alone.” 

Marinette looked up at him and opened her mouth, and then changed her mind, looking down with a blush. “Actually some company sounds nice,” she mumbled. 

Luka smiled, and leaned forward to kiss her temple gently. “Let me grab my food then.”

When he returned with his plate, he sat next to Marinette and put his arm around her shoulders. Marinette cuddled against his side, tucking her feet under herself. She admired the ease with which Luka balanced his plate on his knee as he ate, but then from some of the stories he’d told her she supposed he was probably used to eating in weird places

The congee felt good on her raw throat, and she ate almost the whole bowl before she sighed and set it on the coffee table to snuggle more firmly against Luka’s side. He’d already finished, and he put both arms around her. She told him a little bit about her day, leaving out the details of the argument with Alya, and Luka made sympathetic noises and kissed her forehead. 

Alya’s wrong about him , Marinette thought, tucking her face against his neck. He’d never treat anyone the way she thinks, even if it was only physical. He’s too sweet. And I don’t...I don’t think that’s what this is. I think...maybe he really meant what he said at the cafe. Maybe he still does. She took a shaky breath, and Luka’s face turned a little closer to hers, so she knew he was listening.

Marinette chickened out. “Could we...maybe get in bed and watch a movie?” 

“Sure, I’d love that.” Luka smiled. “What’s your favorite thing to watch when you feel crappy?”

Marinette blushed. “You’ll laugh.”

Luka grinned. “So what if I do? If you like it, that’s all that matters. Be selfish tonight, Marinette.” 

Luka followed her to her bedroom, and his eyebrows shot up when she produced a dusty old DVD with a picture of a bus on it. “Speed?” he said, sitting on the bed, and then bit his lip. He held up a finger, turned away from Marinette, and buried his face in her pillow as he laughed. Marinette grabbed her other pillow and whacked him with it. 

“I told you you’d laugh,” she pouted as Luka pushed himself up and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I love Keanu Reeves.” 

“Give it here, and get comfy,” he told her, getting up. Marinette gave him the movie, and he put it in as she tossed the blanket back to the bottom of the bed and got under the sheet. Then she had an internal panic attack as Luka kicked off his shoes and socks and shimmied off his jeans. Oh, maybe she should have—but he’d never have been comfortable if she made him stay dressed, and it didn’t mean they were going to…Stupid, they could have stayed on the couch, why did she invite him to bed?

Barely thinking, Marinette caught the hem of his shirt just before he went to pull it off. “Can you...leave it on?” she asked, and blushed when he looked at her quizzically. “I really like cuddling with you but I...I just—”

“Just?” Luka asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Never mind, it’s stupid,” Marinette sighed, letting go, and feeling like an idiot. “You should be comfortable.

“So should you,” Luka said, sitting back down on the bed. “I can wear a shirt if you want, it’s no big deal.” He reached over and smoothed back her hair—now mostly dry, thankfully. “Is something wrong? You know you can tell me if I ever make you uncomfortable.” 

Oh, she was the worst. He was so kind to her and she was the worst , and how could she admit anything like this to him? Marinette hung her head, and told a truth that wasn’t the truth. “I just...don’t like it when our skin sticks together,” she confessed, and then put her hands over her face. “I’m so sorry. Forget I said anything. I’m being stupid.”

“I’m not forgetting anything,” Luka laughed, sliding under the sheet beside her. “Why are you acting like you did something wrong?” 

“It’s...not very romantic,” Marinette sighed, wrinkling her nose. 

Luka rolled his eyes. “I’d rather you be comfortable than preserve some imaginary aesthetic that no one but us would even be aware of. I don’t mind wearing my shirt or keeping the sheet pulled up if it makes you more comfortable.” He slid down a bit, and stretched his arm out towards her.  Marinette snuggled up next to him again, and sighed contentedly as she rested her cheek against his chest, glad that he wore a soft, slightly worn t-shirt instead of a crisp dress shirt. 

“Comfy now?” he asked, his hand sliding up to massage the back of her neck. 

“Mm,” she agreed, and leaned into his touch with a hum. Eventually they slithered down to lay flat in the bed, Luka curling against her back with his head on her pillow, murmuring sly comments about the movie every now and then that made Marinette giggle, and occasionally reach back to elbow him when she thought he was getting too far out of line. No one, she told him, dissed Keanu in her bed. 

“Yes ma’am,” he agreed, laughing into her hair before he kissed the top of her head. Marinette smiled. 

It was nice, having him snuggled up against her, his teasing voice in her ear, and Marinette’s mood was lifting with each passing moment. She found herself focusing on his broad hand resting on his stomach, his breath tickling the back of her neck, and the warmth of him behind her, the brush of his chest against her back when he breathed. Heat began to pool low in her belly, and her breathing quickened. She pressed back a little, just enough that her back was resting against her chest now, and Luka nuzzled her neck, placing a little kiss below her ear before settling again. Marinette sighed, annoyed with herself. Here she had been worried about giving him the wrong idea, but now that she was comfortable and relaxed, she was starting to change her mind. 

Marinette sniffed experimentally, and found she was breathing much better. She shifted slightly, biting her lip, and then rolled over to face Luka. He blinked at her a little sleepily, and then he smiled. “I’m glad you didn’t revoke my bed privileges. I’m really comfortable right now,” he murmured. “You look like you’re feeling better.” . 

“I am,” she said, and wiggled a little closer, her body already warming at the thought of his touch. She leaned up and kissed him, and any hesitation she’d still been feeling vanished at the soft feel of his mouth against hers. It seemed to wake Luka up too, because his hand went to her face and he returned her kiss with equal enthusiasm. Marinette caught hold of his shirt, and tugged him closer when he would have leaned back. “Can I be selfish, Luka?” she breathed, and felt him shudder as she kissed him again. “Even after all you’ve done for me? Can I ask for more?”

“Always,” he rumbled, rolling up onto his elbow to follow her as she kept tugging on his collar, wiggling to get beneath him. She gasped as he pressed against her, and arched her body up into his, suddenly feeling desperate. Had he been turned on this whole time and said nothing? Alya is so wrong about him. 

“Comfortable , huh?” she teased, and Luka grinned sheepishly.

“I was,” he defended, “Mostly. I can ignore it when I have to, and you didn’t seem like you were up for much.” He kissed her softly.  

“I wasn’t,” she admitted, and then rolled her hips up into him. Luka groaned, his forehead dropping to her shoulder as he grabbed at her hip, and her own eyes closed in pleasure. “I am now,” she sighed. “Please, Luka.” She shivered as she felt the fabric of her nightgown bunch under his big hands, the hem sliding up her calves and over her knees. 

Alya was wrong about him, Marinette was sure, looking up into his eyes as he bent down to kiss her gently, but thoroughly. He only broke the kiss when he finally found the hem of the nightgown. “Can I take my shirt off now?” he asked teasingly as he dragged the nightgown up over her head. Marinette made a muffled sound. “What?” he laughed, but his laugh cut off when she pressed her hips up into him again. 

“I said, yes please,” she told him smugly as he reached back for his collar.  

Marinette settled her arms around his neck and pulled him down into her, eager now for the press of his skin against hers. Luka’s hands carded into her hair, tipping her face to the perfect angle as his mouth descended on hers again. She spared one fleeting thought fr Alya’s warnings before she gave herself up to the moment.

Alya is wrong about Luka...but she might be right about me. Maybe I am falling in love with him. 

***

The movie menu screen had been playing for a while when Luka finally picked up the remote and turned the tv off. “I’m going to grab a drink,” Luka said, kissing Marinette’s jaw. “You want something?” 

“Yes, please,” Marinette sighed. “I don’t think I can move yet.” 

Luka chuckled and kissed her again. “Be right back.” 

Grinning to himself, Luka stopped to pull his boxers and jeans on and made his way to the refrigerator, leaning down to find the water bottles he knew were tucked into the back for him. He’d gotten picky about water on the road, so Marinette, thoughtful as always, kept a few bottles of his favorite brand for him. He grabbed one and cracked it open, taking a long gulp, and then bent to reach in and grab the filter pitcher to make a glass for Marinette. 

“Excuse me?”

Luka jumped and straightened, and turned around to find a woman standing in the apartment doorway, lit from the hall behind. She had one hand on her hip and the other on the doorknob, where a set of keys was still hanging. 

“Hey,” he said, shutting the refrigerator door. “You must be Alya. I’m Luka. I’m Marinette’s—ah—” He’d almost said boyfriend, but he wasn’t, technically, and he suddenly realized he had no idea what word to use. “Friend,” he finally finished lamely, acutely aware of how the word hung between them as he stood there half-naked and disheveled. He lifted the water bottle to his lips again, still parched. “Sorry, we didn’t realize you were coming home tonight.” 

He turned to get a glass from the cabinet, and felt Alya’s eyes on him as he poured the water for Marinette and put the pitcher back. He glanced up and, as he suspected, the look she was giving him was not one of appreciation. Luka had seen that look before and knew that she was seeing the dye and the piercings and the tattoos and not much else. He waited for her to say something, but when she didn’t seem inclined to, he shrugged. “Well, it’s nice to meet you,” he said quickly, and then made his way past her and back to Marinette’s room. “I’ll let Marinette know you’re home.” 

He shut Marinette’s bedroom door behind him, blowing out a breath, and then looked at the bed. 

He forgot about Alya for a moment when his eyes fell on Marinette, looking relaxed and blissfully happy, one lovely shoulder and her feet peeking out of the sheet she had tucked around herself. He could still see the marks of her earlier breakdown on her face, but she looked at peace now. 

If he hadn’t already been sure he loved her, he didn’t think anything on earth would have saved him from falling in that moment. 

Luka brought the water over and set it on her nightstand, then leaned over her to set his on the other one. Marinette smiled dreamily up at him, and he bent down and kissed her gently. She smiled against his lips.

“Your mouth is cold,” she told him, and giggled. 

“Yours is hot,” he teased, kissing her again, a little deeper. Then he sighed. “Your, um...your roommate is home,” he told her, half-regretting it as Marinette stiffened instantly. “I kind of ran into her in the kitchen.”

Marinette bit her lip, looking up at him as a blush lit her face. “Oops,” she murmured, and then giggled in a way that said maybe she wasn’t all that sorry. Laughing, Luka all but tackled her, pressing her back into the pillows as he kissed her messily, moving his lips to her neck and collarbone when she tried to squirm away from him. 

“What was that for?” Marinette giggled, pushing lightly at his chest until he propped himself up on his arms. 

“You are criminally hot,” he told her, smirking when the red tinting her cheeks darkened. “Especially when you blush.” Always when she blushed, but especially now, looking so ravished and yet so sweetly pretty, shy and shameless at the same time. 

He leaned down and kissed her again, more gently, and she hummed against him, kissing him twice more when he would have pulled away. 

When she finally let him sit back, he asked, “Do you want me to leave?” 

“No,” she said with determination, slipping her hand around the back of his neck and pulling him back down into another kiss. “Come get back in bed with me.” 

Not at all unwilling, Luka shimmied out of his pants and crawled over her, slipping under the sheet and tucking it around his front before laying an arm down in invitation. Marinette shifted over to him, and Luka shivered when she moved the sheet away from between them. Instead of settling her head down on his shoulder, she kissed his chest, and his neck, and pressed herself up against him. “I don’t think you’re as done as you led me to believe,” she whispered with a teasing smile. 

“Well not anymore.” Luka grinned up at her, shifting onto his back in answer to the press of his hands on her shoulders. “Feel like scandalizing your roommate?”

“Believe me, it’s her turn,” Marinette huffed, climbing on top of him, and looking up at her pretty face with smiling lips bruised from his kisses, haloed by mussed black hair he couldn’t wait to tangle his hands in again, Luka promptly forgot anyone else even existed. 

Later, he was nearly asleep, curled around Marinette with the sheet tucked between them, when she whispered, “Luka?”

“Hmm?” he blinked his eyes open, though he couldn’t see much. He felt her tense, though, and moved a hand to her arm, rubbing his thumb along her skin. 

“I think I’m falling for you,” she finally said, the sentence half a sigh as the air rushed out of her. 

Luka froze for an instant, completely awake now, and he felt Marinette flinch and tense. Quickly he pressed his lips to the back of her neck, and slid his arm around her waist. “Let me know when you’re sure,” he murmured against her skin. “I’m waiting at the bottom to catch you.” 

He felt her sigh and relax, and then she rolled, scooting up close against him and pillowing her head on his shoulder. Luka held her, rubbing her back softly, and turned his head to bury his face in the pillow to keep himself from screaming. 

On his way out in the morning, Luka gave Alya a broad grin and a two-fingered salute.

***

“Girls, we have a problem,” Alya announced, plopping into a chair and slamming her to-go cup down on the table.

“Good morning to you too, Alya,” Alix muttered, face propped on her fist. “What the hell is it that you needed to talk to us about this early?”

“I met Marinette’s boytoy last night.”

Blank stares from around the table. Alya sighed. “The one night stand? The guy she’s been fucking every night she had free for the last month and more?” 

Alix raised her eyebrows. “Still not seeing the point. So Marinette’s getting laid. A lot. Good for her. Wasn’t it your idea for her to get back out there in the first place?” 

Alya slapped the table. “That’s just it! She’s not out there! She’s hung up on this dude and my point is that this isn’t like Marinette. You know she can’t just do random hookups. This has been going on for a month straight and you know she’s going to catch feelings, if she hasn’t already. And that guy, he—he’s not Marinette’s type . He’s got tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and his clothes are practically rags!” 

“Sounds hot,” Alix observed, and Alya rolled her eyes. 

“It’s not Marinette , and he’s definitely not the type who’s looking to settle down with one girl. He’s going to fuck her until she starts wanting more and then he’s going to break her heart. If we’re lucky. If we’re not, he’ll string her along with a bunch of promises, probably cheating on her the whole time, and then really break her heart. This isn’t the kind of relationship Marinette wants!” She waved her hands around for emphasis. “Marinette wants a house and a picket fence and a—a hamster. She needs husband material .” 

“It does seem like Marinette wouldn’t be satisfied with a purely physical relationship,” Mylène said hesitantly. “But are you sure this man is no good? What if he does like Marinette?” 

“They could totally fall in love! Opposites attract, you know!” Rose added, hooking her arm through Juleka’s with a giggle. “Maybe all Marinette needs is somebody a little bit different to take her mind off...you know. Him .” 

“Rose, there’s different and then there’s different, ” Alya sighed. “Some different is okay, but picking up punk guys in nightclubs is a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“Mkay,” Alix sighed. “Even supposing we agreed with you, and I’m not saying we do, what would we even do about it?” 

“What we need is a distraction,” Alya said, tapping a finger on the table as her brow furrowed in thought. “Someone who can get her mind off of her fuckbuddy and back to thinking about kids and hamsters.” 

For a moment the girls sat in silence. 

“Well,” Juleka said slowly, as heads turned toward her. “There’s my brother, I suppose. He just got back into town a couple months ago.”

“Oh, that’s true!” Rose exclaimed, laying a finger alongside her cheek as she thought. “Ooh, that could work, Juleka. I mean, if Marinette and this guy are in love, then she’ll just be making a new friend, right? And if Alya’s right, then there’s no harm in just introducing Marinette to someone else.”

Juleka shrugged. “Hard to say with him though, whether he’ll be into Marinette. He’ll either get bored or fall hard. He likes creative types—“

“That’s definitely Marinette,” Alix said dully.

“People who are honest—transparent, even.”

Alix snorted. “Also Marinette.”

Juleka was looking even more thoughtful. “People who don’t back down, who think outside the box...yeah, we could try it.” She shrugged. “Don’t know what Marinette’ll think of him, though.”

“He is very handsome,” Rose pointed out. “Not much like— you know , but that might work in our favor after everything. He looks a little bit like Keanu Reeves, and you know Marinette loves him.” 

Juleka snorted. “He wishes he looked like Keanu Reeves.”

“They have the same vibe,” Rose defended. 

Juleka just shook her head. “Well, if Marinette’s into ink and piercings and the whole bad boy look right now, it shouldn’t be a problem, anyway. Dumbass looks like the rough type but he’s a total teddy bear. Best of both worlds, I guess.” 

“Okay, I’ve heard enough,” Alya declared, clapping her hands. “Plan A. Juleka and Rose are throwing a housewarming party.”

“We are?” chorused Rose and Juleka.

“We’ll invite Marinette, Juleka’s brother will be there, we get them together, and they hit it off, and she kicks her loser booty call to the curb. Problem solved.” Alya nodded firmly. 

Alix dropped her head onto her arms. “What’s plan B?” she mumbled. “Seems like this whole plan could fall apart if they end up not liking each other.”

Alya waved a hand dismissively. “We’ll figure that out after we see how this one goes. I’ll have thought of something before the party.”  

***

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Marinette said, tucking the phone between her shoulder and ear as she folded her laundry. “I didn’t expect to hear from you today. I thought you had plans tonight.” 

“I do,” Luka replied. “I just have a few minutes and I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Marinette frowned. “What?”

“Well, I had a very interesting conversation with my sister today,” Luka told her, and she could hear amusement in his voice. “She invited me to a party later this week. Said there’s a friend of hers she’d like me to meet. Thought we might hit it off .”

“O-oh,” Marinette managed, dropping the shirt she held. “Really?” Insecurity flooded up and threatened to drown her. Aside from that one late night conversation, they hadn’t really revisited their relationship status. She hadn’t had the courage to bring it up again. If Luka wanted to meet someone else, he was still technically free to do so, but...but she’d thought...

“Yeah, maybe you know her,” Luka laughed. “She’s in your field, after all. Some hot-shot, up and coming designer named Marinette Dupain-Cheng .” 

“Oh. Oh. ” Marinette’s eyes widened, and then she frowned. “Wait, do I know your sister?”

“Well, that’s what I called to find out.” Luka snorted softly. “Know a Juleka Couffaine by any chance?” 

“Juleka?” Marinette shrieked. “You’re related to—how did I not know that? Why didn’t she ever say anything? Why didn’t you?” She racked her brains, thinking back. 

“Mm, generally we’ve been busy not saying other things. Gotta say Jules hasn’t exactly been on my mind when we’re together.” His low chuckle made Marinette blush. 

“Right.” Marinette blushed. “And I suppose I never mentioned your name to her, and Alya just calls you—” She stopped, embarrassed.

“What?” Luka asked, humor in his voice.

“My, um...boytoy.” Luka laughed uproariously, and Marinette began to giggle again. “Or sometimes things that aren’t quite so nice. She thinks you’re not good for me. Because...because of how we met, and all. Um.” She took a breath, hesitating, but then remembered that awful feeling just moments ago when it seemed like the floor had dropped out from under her, and decided it was time to put everything on the table. “She thinks you’re just in it for the sex, and I’m going to get invested and end up getting hurt.” 

“Oh, I see.” Luka drawled. “As if I haven’t been head over heels for you since the moment I saw you.” Marinette blushed, and bit her lip, but Luka went on before she could say anything. “I get it. Sounds to me like your roommate’s trying to set you up with someone who’ll take care of you. Get you away from that sex-crazed loser that’s seduced her poor little innocent bestie.” 

Marinette buried her face, phone and all, into the throw pillow next to her and giggled until her sides hurt and she was gasping.

“Are you done?” Luka asked, still sounding amused, when the giggling finally subsided. “Or do I need to send someone over there to administer oxygen?” 

“I’m fine,” Marinette snickered. “Listen, Luka, my friends are having a party next week and I’ve got this weird feeling they’re trying to set me up. Will you come be my date to Juleka’s party? Maybe—“ She steeled herself and took the plunge. “Maybe if I introduce them to my boyfriend , they’ll back off.

There was a moment of silence. Marinette forgot to breathe.

“I’m going to need you to say that again when we’re in the same room,” Luka said, voice deliciously deep and husky, “So I can kiss you properly. Can you come over?”

Air rushed out of her. “Aren’t you busy tonight?” she asked, and smiled at the sound of his laugh. 

“Not anymore.” 

“Are you sure?” she teased. “I thought you had plans.” 

“Consider them cancelled,” Luka told her, “Get your gorgeous ass over here.” 

She did, and after she had said it again, after the kissing and the other soft words, after the more-than-kissing, they cuddled close, happy, sated, and basking in their newly upgraded relationship. Marinette felt Luka stir and prop himself on his elbow.

“You know,” he said, his breath washing across her cheek. “I’m thinking about this party the girls are planning.”

“Do you still want to go?” Marinette asked, reaching up 

“Absolutely,” he said, and then his voice dropped, making her shiver slightly as he nuzzled her ear. “But why don’t we make things a little interesting.”  He whispered his plan in Marinette’s ear, and she began to giggle. 

***

Juleka sighed as she looked at their new apartment, cleaned and decorated without a scrap of cardboard left in the place, and gazed with exasperated fondness on all the little finger sandwiches and appetizers Rose had spent all day making. Luka had better appreciate this, she thought, as she pasted on a smile and started letting in the guests that began to arrive in ones and twos. Well, at least Rose was happy. Any excuse to bust out the glitter and craft paper and try out all these super cute recipes she found on Pinterest.

Juleka was genuinely happy to see Luka, though, when he finally knocked on the door. Her schedule had been packed lately, which was great from a career standpoint, but she hadn’t seen as much of him as she wanted to since he’d come back from his travels. She felt a little guilty that it had taken Alya’s plotting to get her to make room on her schedule to see him. 

Well, hopefully she was about to make up for it.

“Hey, Jules,” he said, kissing her cheek and then Rose’s. “Congratulations on the new place.” 

“Thanks,” Juleka half-smiled, all the admission she was willing to make that she was glad to see him. She was pleased to note that he’d listened to her admonishments and dressed up. He looked nice, in a black dress shirt open at the collar and jeans that were mostly intact. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing the tattoos on his arms, and the dye in his hair was bright and fresh. Good. Maybe he had half a shot with Marinette, if he didn’t open up his big mouth and screw it up. 

“We’re so glad you could make it, Luka!” Rose squealed, throwing her arms around his neck. Then she drew back with a dismayed expression. “Oh, but she’s not here yet.”

Luka shrugged. “That’s okay, I’m in no hurry. I meant to tell you, I’ve...actually been seeing someone, to be honest.” He had the grace to look sheepish, and winced at the way Juleka’s eyes widened.

“What?” she asked sharply, and then smacked his arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Luka shrugged, and Juleka’s heart sank at the stupid grin that spread over his face. “We weren’t really official until just a few days ago. After we talked about this. I don’t think I’ve put my guitar down since then except to pee, so…I kinda forgot.” 

“Gross,” Juleka muttered out of habit. 

“Oh,” cooed Rose, clasping her hands together, before grabbing Juleka’s arm and shaking her lightly. “Ohhh, he looks so happy!”

“I am happy,” Luka grinned. “Really, really happy. She’s amazing, I’ve never met anyone like her. It’s maybe too soon to say it, but...this could be it, you know?”

Juleka felt a little sick. She hadn’t realized she was so invested in setting up Luka and Marinette, but the crushing disappointment she now felt said she was. She liked Marinette a lot, and she loved Luka more than almost anyone else in the world, and the more she considered the idea of them together, the more she thought it could work. Even though she had told herself (and Rose) not to get her hopes up, she absolutely had. 

But Luka was practically glowing, so Juleka swallowed the sick feeling and told him she was happy for him. And she was, really. She had to be happy about anything that made him smile like that. As much as she would have liked to have Marinette for a sister, she wanted Luka’s happiness over all. 

She wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Alya, though. Focus. Luka was looking at her with a little hopeful half-smile on his face and Rose would kill her if she crushed his enthusiasm.

“Well, when you’re sure we won’t scare her off, bring her to dinner.” Juleka punched his arm lightly. “I have to meet the lunatic who would date you.” 

“Sure, sounds good. So, is there a tour?” Luka asked with a grin, and Rose bounced on her toes before grabbing onto his arm and tugging him further into the apartment. She gave Juleka one commiserating glance behind his back before she began introducing him to the small gathering of friends in their modest living room. 

Juleka sighed and stationed herself back by the door to head off Alya when she came in and warn her. 

The next person to show up, though, was Marinette, which was a bit surprising. She was supposed to be coming with Alya, and she wasn’t nearly as late as she usually was. Juleka felt like pouting as she looked over Marinette. She was dressed up too, in a chocolate brown dress that hugged her figure nicely to the waist, covered with a sheer lace overlay that ran up over her neck and shoulders. The skirt hung to her knees in sheer layers edged in scallops of pink lace that were piled thick enough to cover everything important, but thin enough to tease. Her hair was loose and flowing around her shoulders, and she was smiling so cheerfully, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement. She’d have been the perfect bait if the trap hadn’t already been sprung. Dammit, Luka , Juleka thought grumpily. You’re missing out, dumbass . 

“I brought cookies!” Marinette said breathlessly, holding up a cellophane-wrapped platter. “You can keep the plate, I got it for you.” 

Juleka mumbled her thanks, smiling at the combination of cookies shaped like roses and black bats on a platter that matched their new dishes. “Thanks, Marinette. That’s really thoughtful.”

“Of course,” Marinette grinned, bobbing on her toes a little. “I’m so excited for you guys!”

She looked so genuinely excited that Juleka had to smile. “Most everybody is here already,” Juleka told her, waving her on into the apartment. “Rose is in the back showing some people around, but she’ll be back up in a minute. Wine?” 

“Please,” Marinette said gratefully, and Juleka poured her a glass. “You did a great job of blending your styles, it looks so pretty in here, but, you know. Juleka pretty and not just Rose pretty. I really like what you did with the curtains—” 

Juleka let her ramble on, glancing at the clock now and again. Alya and Alix were due any minute and she had to head Alya off before she did anything...pushy. Luka didn’t like pushy. Marinette drifted into the living room to chat with some other friends—and damn, the front of that dress might be all sweetness and light but the back was really sexy. “Damn it, Luka,” Juleka muttered with a frustrated sigh. “This girl better be fucking incredible.”  

Luka was just following Rose back from the spare bedroom the girls were turning into a combination craft/music room, when he caught sight of Marinette chatting with a few other people in the living room.

Rose saw her almost at the same time, and gave a little squeal. “Marinette, you made it!” 

Marinette came to hug her, and Luka waited while they exchanged pleasantries, trying to keep his cool so he didn’t give anything away. Finally Rose remembered he was there and turned to him, tugging Marinette forward a little. 

“Oh, Marinette, this is Juleka’s brother Luka!” Rose chirped. “Luka, this is Marinette, the friend we were telling you about.” 

For a moment, they just looked at each other. Just long enough to give Rose pause. Then...

“Hi,” Luka said, grinning down at her. 

“Hi,” Marinette murmured, smiling up at him. 

 “You look good enough to eat,” he told her, settling a hand on her hip and tugging her closer. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rose’s eyes widen and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

“Is that a promise?” Marinette winked, and the tremble in her voice said she was about to laugh too. 

He bent down and she pushed up and they met in a passionate kiss. Her arms went around his neck (she remembered just in time not to dump her wine down his back) and his hands found her back—which was mostly bare, he realized as he felt warm skin under his hands. The noise he made wasn’t very dignified but it would only add to the show; he slid his hands down her back and onto her ass. Just to really sell it, naturally. No doubt she was kneading his chest and shoulders for the same reason. 

Damn, she even tasted like chocolate, the little minx. He’d be willing to bet she did that on purpose.

Beside them, Rose practically had to stuff both fists in her mouth to keep herself from screaming. She looked around and grabbed Mylène’s arm, shaking her as Rose hopped up and down. 

“Rose, what is—oooohhh,” Mylène’s eyes went round as Rose spun her around to face the kissing couple. Rose leaned down and began to hiss excitedly into her ear. “Wait, slow down— what? ” Mylène slapped her own hands over her mouth and looked at Rose. 

“ I know!!” Rose whisper-squealed, reaching up to tug at her short hair with both hands. Both of them looked towards the door, where they could see Juleka letting in Alya and Alix.

“Marinette gave us the slip,” Alya said, rolling her eyes. “Something about needing to pick up a card or some nonsense. She’s looking good, though, which is a good thing for us, right? She’s got this cute little brown dress with pink and she looks like a chocolate strawberry macaroon.” 

“Wait till you see the back,” Alix grinned. “Just these two lace panels that meet between her shoulderblades and the rest is bare. Seriously hot. I’m totally begging her to make...” She trailed off as she looked at Juleka’s face. Juleka sighed.   

“Listen, Alya, I need to tell you—” Juleka began, but Alya interrupted her, her face scrunching up as she looked at something over Juleka’s shoulder.  

“Oh you’re kidding me, I can’t believe she brought him. What is she thinking?” Alya demanded, grabbing Juleka’s arm. “How could you let him in?” Juleka raised her eyebrows, but before she could say anything, Alix had leaned around them to see what Alya was looking at.

“What now?” Alix grumbled. 

“Marinette brought her boytoy,” Alya spat, frustrated. “I can’t believe her.” Juleka nearly laughed at the irony until connections started snapping together in her head. With a feeling of dawning horror, she paused and turned slowly to look behind her, just in time to see her brother sticking his tongue down her friend’s throat. I’ll kill him , she thought. “No wonder she didn’t give me any pushback when I suggested she dress up a little,” Alya muttered, but Juleka barely heard her. 

“Nice,” Alix said, still leaning around Juleka to see, eyebrows raising in appreciation. Then she frowned. “Hold on, isn’t that—” 

At the same time, Juleka blurted “Wait,” and Alix broke off as both she and Alya turned to look at Juleka, who had gone pale. “ That ’ s the guy Marinette went home with? The guy she’s been banging every chance she got since—”  A look of horror crossed her face. “That’s who she’s been telling us—oh, gross. ” She put a hand over her mouth, sure she was about to vomit. “Oh my God, I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I deeply regret whatever it was.” 

“Never mind all that, we have to find a way to get him out of here before your brother shows up,” Alya hissed. 

Juleka groaned and put her face in her hands. 

Alix began to laugh. “I do feel sorry for you,” she told Juleka. “I really do. I definitely wouldn’t want to know any of that about my brother.” She paused, and made a face, turning slightly green. “Oh God, did not need that mental image, and mine’s not even real.” 

“I’m gonna hurl,” Juleka mumbled. “I can’t believe I have to live with this knowledge.”

Across the room, Marinette broke their kiss long enough to ask, breathlessly, “Think they got the point?” Luka glanced up and began to laugh into her hair as she nibbled his collarbone. 

“Juleka’s face is priceless right now.” He dropped his head and licked her neck, before moving his face up to whisper in her ear. “If we don’t get out of here right now I’m going to bust a gut and ruin everything.” 

“Then by all means, let’s go,” she giggled. “Tell me the next time they look over.” 

Luka glanced up. “Now.” 

Marinette slipped her hand between his legs and squeezed, making him jump with a “whoa.” 

“Sorry. Too much?” Marinette whispered. 

“Not if we’re leaving right now,” he grinned back, and let Marinette take his hand, giving him her best bedroom eyes as she backed towards the door, tugging him along. He didn’t even have to feign the dopey look on his face as he stared back at her. As they passed the knot of her friends, all staring saucer-eyed at them, she waved at them.

“Thanks for inviting me, Juleka! Sorry I have to bow out early, but um...I have something to take care of,” Marinette giggled, handing her wine glass to Alix as she kept towing Luka towards the door. He smirked at Juleka and winked.

“I’ll text you about dinner,” he called over his shoulder, laughing, and then grabbed Marinette’s ass just before they stepped out of the door.

“Holy fuck,” Alix muttered, still gaping at the door. “Was that really Marinette Dupain-Cheng?” She began to laugh. “I am so fucking proud.” 

“This isn’t funny!” Alya hissed. “This is a disaster!” 

“Oh, it’s hilarious,” Alix gasped, barely able to breathe, and Rose and Mylène nodded, both giggling. Rose squealed, bouncing on her toes. 

“This is amazing, I can’t believe it, it’s like fate or something—”

“I’m not sure that’s how fate works.” Mylène was trying to hold in her laughter for Alya’s sake. “But they certainly seem happy together.” 

Juleka, still looking a little green, put her hand on Alya’s shoulder before Alya could retort. “Look, it’s fine. You don’t have to worry about her. Luka’s the only person on the planet who’s a bigger sap than Marinette. If he’s into her, he’s all in.” Remembering the way Luka had been glowing when he’d talked about his new girl—when he talked about Marinette —she managed a tiny smile despite her nausea. If Luka got his way maybe she’d have Marinette for a sister-in-law after all. 

It was wiped away a second later as Alix guffawed, “Oh, she loves him being all in,” and Juleka groaned. 

“I need alcohol now ,” she grumbled. “I am going to give him so much shit in the wedding speech to make up for this.”

***

Outside, Luka and Marinette got to the elevators, and then collapsed against the wall in a brief fit of giggles.

“That was brilliant,” Marinette laughed, squeezing Luka’s arm. “I’m so embarrassed but it was so worth it, did you see Alya’s face?” 

“Juleka’s gonna kill me,” Luka chortled. “I can’t wait. Come here.” He pulled her close and kissed her, softer and more carefully than he had inside, and Marinette hummed with pleasure. Not that she hadn’t been enjoying their sloppy makeout, but this was more Luka’s style, and since she loved Luka, she—Marinette paused, and pulled back to look at him, biting her lip as he blinked and smiled softly at whatever he saw in her face. Marinette took a breath.

“I love you,” she said, keeping her eyes on his, though her pulse hammered in her veins. She hadn’t thought his eyes could get any softer, but he looked at her as if she was the greatest treasure in the world as he cupped her cheek and laid a soft kiss on her lips.  

“I love you too,” he said roughly, and gathered her up in his arms, squeezing her tight, lifting her off her feet as he squeezed her hard. 

Marinette giggled into his shoulder. “Poor Alya,” she muttered. “So wrong and so right at the same time.” She pulled back and kissed him again. “Take me home, before someone catches us making out in the hallway.” 

“Too late, dudes.” 

They both looked up, and Marinette’s mouth fell open as she saw Nino stepping out of the elevator with a pained expression. “Does the phrase get a room mean anything to you guys?” 

“Oh,” Marinette ducked her head sheepishly. “Sorry, Nino. By the way, this is Luka. He’s...Juleka’s brother?” 

Nino blinked, and then groaned. “Oh, shit.” 

Marinette giggled. “We’re um...we’re leaving now. Uh...Alya might be a teensie bit—” She held up her pinched fingers. “...stressed?” 

Nino rolled his eyes, but reached back to catch the elevator door for them before it closed. “Guess I’m on damage control,” he sighed, but with a grin. “Come on, get out of here.”  Needing no further encouragement, Marinette pulled Luka into the elevator. “Bring him to dinner or something next time,” Nino called as he let the door close. “We can’t keep meeting like this.” 

In the elevator, Luka and Marinette looked at each other. “Oops,” she whispered, and they both broke down laughing. Luka hugged her close, and Marinette sighed. “You know,” she mused. “As far as mistakes go…” She smiled up at him. “You’re the best one I ever made.” 

[velkynkarma]

So I’m suuuper late to the party, but I finally, finally finished Rhythm of War. 

I am delighted by it. Thoughts and reactions under the cut, just in case for spoilers.

OKAY SO I had a lot of feelings about this book, and I wanted to be able to sit down and read the book properly and devote time to it, instead of sneaking paragraphs here or there during work breaks. So that’s why it took me so long to read it. In a way I feel like a terrible fan for taking so long when I was so excited about reading it for over a year, but in another way I am satisfied that I did it justice.

General thoughts/reactions:

I am legitimately impressed with how well Sanderson handled Shallan’s Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID is one of those mental illnesses that gets butchered so hard in media, and carries such a stigma of being “evil” or “creepy.” But Shallan’s representation seems much more factual in terms of how we know DID works today, including but not limited to:

Created from a severe trauma at a very young age, in which the brain starts splitting itself in order to protect against traumas and form survival mechanisms

Alters exist to protect the system and handle tasks for the host that the host cannot handle. Both Veil and Radiant handle tasks/functions that Shallan can’t

Also establishing that different alters can have different skills (such as Shallan being good at drawing and Lightweaving while Veil is bad at it, or Radiant handling espionage poorly)

Establishing that actual DID treatments do include encouraging alters to learn to work together and establish communication lines between each other. I like that the three create a pact to work together and rules to stand by and enforce them on each other to the best of their ability. They mess up sometimes (Radiant killing Ialai, Veil forcibly taking over sometimes). But they try. 

But also establishing that prior to Shallan’s realization of what was happening at the end of Oathbringer, each of these alters had their own memories and ways of handling things and did not necessarily communicate with each other

Establishing that multiple times in prior books when Shallan thought she was ‘acting’ she was actually Blending with another identity, either Veil or Radiant. This becomes more apparent when Veil or Radiant actively discuss being the ones to do things that were previously from “Shallan’s” perspective (such as Veil learning slight of hand/etc at the beginning of Words of Radiance). This stuck out to me as especially interesting since accounts of people with DID often mention not knowing they have it or are switching for years, but being semi-aware of doing things differently than normal. 

Veil being a protector-type alter and a trauma holder is extraordinarily common in DID cases and made an absolute ton of sense. It also suggests that she’s been around for YEARS longer than before Shallan ‘created’ her which, again, is not uncommon with DID cases

Veil, at least, also acts like she’s much older than Shallan, even calling her things like ‘kid.’ While Veil is, of course, no older than Shallan, this is completely accurate that alters can have different ages and even different genders to the host body in terms of how they perceive themselves

Establishing that fusions/integrations are possible, with Veil being ‘absorbed’ by Shallan at the end. This is a part of DID treatment and I like that it was handled in a way where both alters consented and the trauma was released, but it was handled. Even if Veil developed additional skills over time, it’s clear her first and foremost job was as a trauma holder alter, and once the trauma was no longer being hidden, her ‘purpose’ was done. And now Veil is a part of Shallan, and the expectation is that somewhere down the line, Radiant will join too.

Very very VERY VERY importantly, establishing Shallan’s interaction with other characters as a system with DID in a way that did not make her look like she was ‘crazy.’ DID is super serious and systems are often stigmatized. But I adored that Adolin is supportive and treats each alter on their own playing field (and even seems to be able to recognize them without Shallan changing hair color). I love that other characters like Kaladin admit they don’t exactly get it, but do their best to be respectful of it anyway. I love that nobody treats Shallan like a freak and sticks her in a padded room, and that people DO respect her wishes and treat Veil and Radiant as equally viable people. I love that it’s treated so healthily. 

Honestly my only real ‘hmm, not exactly like that’ moments were thinking back on how Shallan ‘created’ personalities. Veil being a trauma holder for Shallan’s old memories implies she’s been around for a long time, so she wasn’t really “created” in that sense, just given more of a face/name. But Radiant appears to have been created spur of the moment when Adolin was all ‘hey, let me teach you to swordfight!!!’ To the best of my knowledge people with DID don’t really have control over when they split, nor do they really get to actively ‘design’ their alters. It’s more like alters form as needed to handle something. But considering how accurate everything else is, and that possibly this is just Shallan’s way of handling her splitting in a way that makes sense to her, I’m willing to give this a cautious pass.

Also maybe lost memory moments. People with DID generally can lose time. Shallan doesn’t seem to, but then towards the end we also see she’s not a reliable narrator in her own right, since somehow Radiant managed to kill Ialai when we’re reading that passage. So it’s possible we the readers are missing things because Shallan is, too.

That said, the way DID works, it will never really go away even if Shallan does fully integrate. I’m curious if more alters could form down the line. I thought this had been happening with ‘Formless,’ but Formless didn’t turn out to be another alter so much. Oh well.

I had wondered about Shallan and Pattern’s bond for a while, and I’d been wondering if maybe she had a different spren ever since Pattern mentioned he could go away or she might kill him too back in...Oathbringer, I think it was? It seemed strange to me that Shallan wouldn’t have seen him around for a long time in his pattern form, or that she’d get chased by so many cryptics in book 1, if she’d been bonded to him this whole time. Or that she had a shardblade she could summon in book 1, but Pattern hadn’t been established as a character yet. And then when Adolin met a deadeye Cryptic in Shadesmar, I was like, ‘damn, that’s Shallan’s first spren isn’t it.’ And I was vindicated. I feel stupidly proud of myself for catching even one of Sanderson’s twists.

I think this is the first book in the series where Kaladin’s arc didn’t really grab me as much as the others to start. Not that it was bad, I still really enjoyed it, especially towards the end. But I was surprised to find when I got to Part Three and Kaladin’s name was listed but Adolin’s wasn’t that I went, ‘awww, damn,’ and used that as my break point for the night. 

I think part of this is that so much of Kaladin’s story that I love and adore is about not just Kaladin, but Kaladin’s friends and found family arcs with Bridge Four, and so much of that was taken away from him in the early part of the story. Like Kaladin, I guess I was just sad about everyone moving on and him being along. Sigzil going off to be the new Windrunner leader, Rock leaving, Rlain leaving (for a while at least), Adolin and Shallan leaving...it was hard. I felt his depression. Unfortunately, it made it a bit difficult to read, I guess.

On the flip side though, Kaladin’s ending arc in the story was A+ and I loved it. I love that his Fourth Ideal is specifically accepting that he cannot save everyone, which is something he’s struggled with from his very first appearance in the very first book. I love how this sheds so much light on that moment in Oathbringer where Syl is calling for him to speak the words and he just can’t, because at the time, he wasn’t ready to accept that he couldn’t save everyone. I love that he admits to Dalinar that he really did need help and a chance to recover, and that his setup for the next book doesn’t seem to be as Stormblessed, the soldier, but as a healer. And I love that he made up with his dad in the end, and did manage to at least save him.

ROCK. NOOOO.

TEFT. NOOOOOO! 

And yet as always, Sanderson books are the only books where I really feel...ok with character death. It’s sad, for sure, but also deaths have purpose in his stories. Nobody is killed meaninglessly. 

I think my favorite arc was Adolin’s, throughout the whole course of the book? I can’t help it. I love my enthusiastic, optimistic himbo who is just doing his best. Every time he was like ‘well I’m useless since I’m not a Radiant, but I’ll do the best I can’ I was like NO, HONEY NO, YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE REALLY? Look at all the people you help!!! Just look at them all!!! 

As stated earlier, I love that he’s just so damned supportive of Shallan’s condition. Even if they don’t have words for ‘DID’ in Roshar or even understand it in their own terms, he’s just so damn supportive. She tells him she’s got multiple alters and he’s just like ‘cool, how can I help.’ He loves his wife. He’s friendly with Radiant. He’ll share jabs with Veil. He just wants to help, always. 

I love that he’s so supportive of Kaladin too. I adored towards the beginning, where Kaladin’s going into a depressive spiral, and Syl gets Adolin because Adolin is one of the few people he can’t intimidate. And I adore that Adolin is supportive, but in a way that shows he gets it. He knows it’s not safe to leave Kaladin alone with himself and refuses to let that happen. But he also doesn’t force him to participate and acknowledges that yeah, you can feel like shit, and that’s ok, but you’re gonna feel like shit around other people, because it’ll help you. And it does. And I love that a thousand pages later Kaladin starts going into another depressive spiral and happens to mention, ‘fuck, Adolin’s not here to pull me out this time,’ recognizing what Adolin can do. I just love how much their friendship has progressed.

I love that he’s still so supportive of his brother, even if Renarin was barely in this book. I love that he even briefly defends Renarin against Shallan, even when he recognizes she doesn’t really mean any harm. 

I adore his continued arc with Maya. I love that he was so excited to go to Shadesmar so he could see her again. I love how he’s clearly had offers from spren or other Radiants to talk to spren about bonding to him, and he’s like, ‘nah,’ cause he’s loyal to her. I love how everyone keeps insisting ‘deadeyes can’t speak, deadeyes can’t feel’ and he’s just like, yes?? Yes they can??? Have you ever fucking tried??? I love that it’s his genuine connection to Maya that helps her recover enough to actually talk on her own with more clarity, and how she’s clearly coming back to herself. And what a revelation, that Maya and the others deliberately sacrificed themselves. And I love that ultimately it’s his bond with Maya that gives him success with the honorspren. He did this his own way, with his own skills, in a unique way that nobody else has ever done before, because maybe he’s not a Radiant in the shiny new sense of the word, but he’s the only person out there willing to treat his sword like a partner and show kindness to spren and that shows. 

I also really do hope he works stuff out with his dad because he’s got every right to be angry but also, I want him to be happy :( 

Ultimately I adore Adolin’s whole polarity, that he’s a masterful duelist and combatant, and has probably killed hundreds, and yet his best quality is his sheer kindness. He has really grown on me as a character since book one, honestly. I remember not liking him in book one. I still don’t, when I reread it! But in the rest, he’s probably second only to Kaladin as my favorite.

Venli. I remember not really liking Venli in earlier books. I thought Eshonai was cool, but Venli I remember just not really vibing with. Seeing her story really made her a lot more interesting to me though, especially since I love her whole gradual growth as a character. Openly admitting to herself that she’s a coward and just wanted to get attention against her sister...and then doing something about it to better herself. Doubting her abilities to do so and being uneasy about it the whole time, but ultimately doing it anyway. She’s a flawed character, but she’s a good character, and I grew to like her so much more after seeing her story. 

Also, I loved Eshonai’s mercy at the end there. Fuckin yes. Bittersweet smiles all around.

Szeth-son-son-Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill a king, because apparently white is the listener battle color, it makes SENSE now

I am also veeery curious what is going on with Szeth, who wasn’t really in this book all that much. And I’m curious if ‘Sixteen’ in Lasting Integrity is actually his dad, because they sure drew attention to a hiding Shin man and then immediately never mentioned him again. 

Raboniel. MAN. What a fucking character. I was fascinated with her from the beginning. I never knew exactly what to think of her, because we see her from so many perspectives. Leshwi, who has been established as possibly the ‘goodest’ and most sane of the Fused, openly tells us not to trust her. We learn she’s done terrible things in her lifetime, like trying to create a plague to destroy all of humanity, and one of her titles is just straight-up scary af. She learns how to really, truly, actually kill spren, which is terrifying. She tried to kill the Sibling, which is obviously Super Bad. And yet, she’s such a compelling character. She’s polite and reasonable, to a degree. Clever and enormously genre-savvy, but also blunt and to the point, knowing full well Venli is being used to spy on her and Navani is working against her and blatantly stating so. She’s so intelligent, and is willing to both respect Navani and work with her to create things together, and recognize her worth. I never fully trusted her at any point, because we know she’s done so much to be scared of, but man, I enjoyed reading her segments so freaking much. I was sad when she died, and her weird frenemy relationship with Navani was really intriguing. 

I really enjoyed Dabbid’s little segments. I’m so happy he’s comfortable talking around the others. I’m also happy to see Sanderson delving into including more autistic characters in different points on the spectrum, while also showing other people treating them well.

Taravangian. I still don’t know where to stand on this guy and I’m very nervous now that he’s basically a god and apparently smart enough to outwit everyone else again. I was excited when he actually managed to kill Rayse but fuck, we might have been better off with Rayse.

SOMEBODY ACTUALLY MANAGAGED TO OUTWIT HOID AND I’M SCARED AF AT WHAT THAT MEANS

Moash. I just. Fuck. I don’t even know. I’m not even sure if this counts as him killing under his own power or not. He doesn’t really want to take responsibility for his actions, and as long as Odium takes his pain and feelings, he doesn’t have to. But that moment when he wasn’t protected, he seemed upset with what he had done. So I really have no damned clue where his story is gonna go. But fuck, it’s scary how easily he almost undid Kaladin completely. He knew exactly what buttons to press. We’re lucky the Pursuer ignored him and attacked anyway, or he really would’ve won.

I’ll admit, my Cosmere knowledge is less than stellar, so I’m still not entirely sure I understand the stuff with the Heralds and Mraize. But I am definitely curious to see where it’s going on a surface level, at least. 

LIFT USES LIFELIGHT that explains a lot. I wish she’d been in this story more because I adore her lol. 

I know Sanderson announced Ace Jasnah a while back, but I love that it’s been so firmly established in the book itself. No beating around the bush or leaving people to wonder. She just straight-up says she’s got no real interest in sexual stuff and never really got how it drove others. I love it. I love seeing that so honestly and bluntly stated. 

Anyway I’m sure there’s a lot more to be said but overall, A++++ as always, super adored, next one when???? 

[dashhoney25]

E. Part VI

Erik

I wasn't feeling my brother's ultimatum on how to handle Hazel. How the fuck he gone tell me what to do when she was the last thing on his mind, until I presented him with a proposition. Check this out, Adonis and I have known Hazel for 3 years, and I always wanted her but of course, she was taken. I'd always talk to Adonis about it, but instead of coming so strong, he attempted to get to know her.

It wasn't my style at first, but I followed my brother's lead. I was the total opposite of Adonis and I think that's what drew Hazel to me. Adonis was reserved, and I was outgoing and blunt with my thoughts and actions. Because of this, we developed a strong friendship over the years. However, our relationship changed when she and her longtime boyfriend Victor parted ways; she felt like she needed me. Hazel grew closer to me in a way that altered the course of our relationship.

Hazel and I have shared intimate moments concerning life plans, kids, and moving away from this Miami shit one day. Hazel and I had this connection that, she'd be fulfilled off words; and I wanted to show her how I felt about her; rather than tell her. I know Hazel's been through a lot with Victor, but she deserves to feel good; feel special, and I wanna do her body right. Unfortunately, Hazel was holding back from me anytime I wanted to take it there. I tried things at her pace, taking baby steps; but these kisses and touching here and there just wasn't doing it for me.

As time progressed between Hazel and I, I noticed that my urges grew more and more for her in a physical manner. The little nibbles she'd give here and there made me wanna devour her. I couldn't help myself and I knew that if I pressured her, our relationship would crumble. Hazel craved attention, I was willing to give that to her; but at what cost would it benefit me? I decided to minimize my time with her, hoping she'd take the hint. It frustrating as hell to come home with a hard ass dick, and ain't shit being done about it.

I know Hazel wanted more of me, but I needed to occupy my time and see things from a different perspective. During this time, I decided to spend some more time with my brother Adonis at his gym and help out a bit. I quickly learned that Adonis would service his clients during and after hours of his gym. Adonis was reluctant to letting me in on his extracurricular activities, but he agreed to show me the ropes. When Adonis opened his gym, he became infatuated with a client and from there it turned physical outside of working out. Overtime, the relationship flourished; but he revealed that things had changed. The woman he was involved with began paying him each time she met with Adonis. Adonis also revealed to me that she was seeing other people and that these people would give her money. I know my brother wasn't too fond of this, but as the money started rolling in, he didn't care anything about who his client was seeing, as long as she was ready to play and had cash in hand.

Somehow along the way, Adonis decided he wanted a cut of whatever she had going on and he's been doing this ever since. He didn't want me involved, but I didn't want to be in his gym forever teaching classes, so I decided I'd give it a try. He suggested that I start with someone I felt comfortable with, and gradually let the relationship progress. As bad as I wanted Hazel to be my first client, I knew her fragile heart couldn't take it. Since I knew that Hazel's friends were comfortable with me, and had an attraction towards me; I decided to start there. As soon as I got my feet wet, I couldn't stop. The money was good and so was the sex. I was able to set my own hours, and still workout in the gym with my brother to scout potential clients.

As my work-load increased, I didn't have time for Hazel as much as I used to; and I was honestly happy. I mean, what's the point of being in the house all night with someone you're attracted to, can't fuck, and you ain't making no money. That's a waste of my time and hard dick. Anytime Adonis & I were out with clients, we'd always share our locations with one another in case something ever went down. In this business you're likely to come across someone who's married or in a serious relationship. It's been a few times I've had to sneak out of the house when I could hear the footsteps of a client's husband coming to the door. The shit is scary no joke, but the thrill of it and making my client's pay extra; it's all worth it at the end of the day.

Right now, I can't be what Hazel needs, and that's where I feel like my brother can step in to keep her company. Being an escort isn't just about sex, it's the quality time that's given with the service provided. Quality time to me equals just as much as sex; either way time is being spent, and time is money. My brother Adonis is the intellectual type, he'll stay up late with a woman and just talk; just what Hazel needs. We all know she ain't fuckin' I've been trying for the past year and still haven't gotten any, so there's no way she needs to pay my brother for anything. I know time is money, but it's bad enough I'm dumping the girl on my brother, I can't charge for his time too. This was my plan so I had to take some kind of responsibility. Adonis is a good listener too, and he's been a good friend to Hazel, even though he's my brother he's never been the jealous type; so I know he wouldn't cross the line by getting with Hazel; he knows that I've been trying to get at her since day one.

Some may say, "why pass her to your brother if you don't really 'care' about her?" I do. But as I've stated, what Hazel wants right now, I can't give. If Hazel can't have all of me, she could at least have a part of me; that's honestly the best I can do, and I know she doesn't plan on waiting for me. Because of this arrangement that I have with Adonis, since he isn't taking any many clients due to Hazel being 'high maintenance' as I would describe it; I give Adonis all of the money that I make from my clients. Though people still come to visit Adonis' gym to work out, his "private sessions" have dwindled. Adonis' gym brings in bank, but of course a gym can't run without customers, and when the clients aren't coming for extra services or making those referrals for anything outside of the weight room; it can take a toll on finances overall.

I'm enjoying the extra attention, and anytime I take on extra clients outside of those of Adonis, I keep the proceeds. At times I do miss Hazel and our moments, but I'm the moneymaker here, I'm the catch.

Hazel

I left Adonis' gym in utter frustration. I couldn't believe the switch between us two; considering the pleasurable experience that we had shared in the wee hours this morning. I felt almost as bad as the day Vic and I broke up. Adonis and I had always been platonic friends from a distance, considering that I was always closer to Erik; I never expected for things to escalate between us.

The more I think about it, I couldn't have asked for a better moment with Adonis. Though Erik and I had never truly been intimate, Adonis differed in how he touched me and kissed me; the underlying passion that was expressed between the two of us; you would've thought we were a couple. Maybe it was the Hennessy that we had drank, but nonetheless a drunken mind speaks a sober heart. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a deeper connection with Adonis because I do, but I don't know when we'll discuss this situation with Jade. To be honest, I don't think I'm ready to face her, if anything I'd just treat the situation the same as how I treat it whenever Erik fools around with one of my friends. I'd just dead the issue and keep my distance. It still baffles me that Adonis shares the same dismissive traits as Erik, and neither one them sees fault in their actions.

**

Getting out of your thoughts, you decided to go for a jog in the park to blow off some steam. You tied your jacket around your waist and brought the water bottle with you to run. You spent 15 minutes stretching, took a swig of water and began to run with your airpods in your ears as the music blared. Picking up the pace, your jog eventually turned into a run. As you ran, you encountered a biker and another runner when suddenly, you and the runner collided as you tried to avoid the novice biker. "I'm so sorry!" You said to the runner. "Oh it's okay" The female voice said. "I should pay more attention" she said finally looking up at you. "Hazel?!" she called out. "Where have you been?" she asked.

Your facial expression immediately changed once you realized you'd bumped into Jade. "I've been around. Just chillin" you say taking a sip of water. She initiated that you two walk together. "I haven't seen you since the lounge. Is everything okay?" she asked. "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" you questioned glancing around the park. You honestly felt uncomfortable speaking to her, "I don't know, I mean we haven't talked since I left the lounge early. Usually we'd check on each other by now. I intended on calling you today, I saw your car at Adonis' gym" she said fixing her messy bun on her head. "I've been busy..." You say not wanting to continue talking. "I understand" she said nodding her head in agreement. "What were you doing at the gym today?" Jade questioned. "Adonis asked me to come by that's all" you say. "Look, I don't mean to pry but since we haven't talked since the other night I just had to tell you Adonis and I had a bomb ass time this morning" she says smiling. Jade always loved to tell you about her late night escapades, so this wasn't anything new; but today, you weren't in the mood. You shrugged your shoulders, "So if you two had a good morning, what's the use in asking why I came by this morning?" You questioned.

Jade gave you a look of confusion. "I just didn't know if you knew or not. I know you guys are friends and I didn't want him to tell you the half truth" Jade says trying to lighten the situation. "What do you mean friends?" You asked. "I know how close you and Erik are, and I know you're cool with Adonis and I didn't know if you two had a relationship like that." Jade sighs, "Look, you know how I get whenever I get some new dick. I have to tell everyone I know" she lets out. You roll your eyes. "Look, I don't know anything about Adonis like that. He just asked me to stop by the gym and I did. I don't understand what you mean about a half truth? You know I don't talk to Erik anymore" You say unamused. "Girl, get your panties out of your ass! Lighten up Hazel. I just figured since you're close with Erik, maybe you'd be close with Adonis too." She says playfully hitting you. "So, I left the lounge early to get some rest and get ready for my appointment" Jade says raising her brows. You really weren't in the mood to hear this conversation at all so you proceeded to open Instagram on your phone "Ok and..." You say not acknowledging her. "So, he comes over around let's say 6 in the morning. He claims he needed a nap from all the Henny he was drinking. So, he comes over looking all good and BAM! He puts it on me! Sis when I tell you, this man's dick game is GOLD! Shit was so good I had to pay for it!" Jade says biting her bottom lip as she reminisced over the encounter. 'Pay for it?' You thought to yourself. 'Tired form all the Hennessy' your mind wandered. "I mean he had this way of making you gush just by the curling of his fingers against your g-spot! And when I tell you he's a beast at eating your kitty kat! SIIIIIS! I usually don't do this, but I'll definitely let him know you need a fix! I know it's been a while for you since Vic" Jade said slapping your ass. Your blood was boiling as she fantasized about her wild night with your man. You knew who she was talking about, but you wanted to hear the words from the source. You played it off with a chuckle, "Ain't no way his dick was that good. Who is this man?" you question.

"ADONIS! Sis this man had me tapping out in a matter of 30 minutes! When I tell you he is God's Gift to Women! He's worth every bit of the $600. I've never cum so hard and fast in my life!" Jade mentioned . "This nigga is worth more than a 5 star review! I swear my body can still feel his hands on me!" she laughs. You paused in your stride and locked your phone putting it in your pocket. You didn't have anything nice to say at all, and knew that you needed some time alone. Jade placed her hand on your shoulder, "Look sis, I just thought maybe you were coming in this morning for a 'private lesson' in his gym. I just wanted to give you a heads up that whenever you decide that you want to experience Adonis for yourself; just know that his dick comes with bodies. I'm sorry to tell you that you will in fact have my sloppy seconds because I can't get enough of how good he feels. He's worth every penny, and I'm sure I'll go broke trying to keep up with him" Jade says jokingly, but with a warning. Your eyes met hers and you scoffed. "I'm sure it is" you say.

"Oh come on Hazel!" Jade says as you began walking. "It's been a year since you've let anyone hit since Vic! You deserve to have some fun!" Jade chimes. "How did you learn about this shit anyway?! Don't nobody just pay men to fuck! That's some hoe shit!" you retort. Jade laughed, "You won't believe me when I tell you, but Marissa told me about it." Jade responded. You tried to compose yourself, but your eyes got wide at Jade's response. "I've been wanting to tell you, but considering how you were the other night at the sight of Marissa and Erik I just couldn't." Jade sighed, "Marissa has been sleeping with Erik for the past 5 months now, she's been paying him and she says he's the best out there. Of course I didn't want her leftovers, so she told me that Adonis is in on this escort shit too. So I thought I'd give it a try and ever since this morning; I definitely understand why she's hooked!" Jade said cheerfully. You couldn't believe your ears as your heart dropped in your ass. "Isn't Marissa still with Tony?" you question. "Girl you know Tony is always away on business. I don't keep up with Marissa and her antics but I guess she feels like what he doesn't know, it won't hurt him I guess" Jade said shrugging her shoulders.

You sighed, "I guess not. Look I didn't come to the gym for any 'private lessons', but I thought the gym was a legitimate business" you say. "I don't know too much, but all I know is that ever since I went to the gym with Marissa a few weeks ago to see what she really meant, I wasn't too sure until this morning when I took him up on his offer. I would've told you at the lounge that I had an appointment, but you needed me; and that wasn't the time" Jade said. "I just can't believe you still hang with that fake heffa. Maybe I need to watch out for you and make sure you're not screwing Erik too!" You say jokingly, but you also really meant it. Jade cackled, "Oh trust me! The way Marissa talks about Erik, he ain't got a damn thing on Donnie." She says. You were overwhelmed with emotions as you heard the news. You couldn't make out if any of it was true, but the confirmation of this morning (Jade giving Adonis money, and the hickeys all on his neck, and the kiss he shared with Jade) was in fact the truth. As you and Jade finished the conversation, you decided to take long walk around the park before leaving.

[camillemontespan]

the making of drake walker [interview]

@jovialyouthmusic @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @sirbeepsalot @moonlightgem7 @pug-bitch @burnsoslow @ibldw-main @mskaneko @emceesynonymroll @katedrakeohd @emichelle @notoriouscs @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @star-spangled-eyes @drakesensworld @gardeningourmet @rainbowsinthestorm @stopforamoment @dcbbw @iplaydrake @drakewalkerisreal @nazariortega

DRAKE THE DILF!!!

    ********************************************************************************

The Duke of Valtoria gives a deep chuckle as he studies the screen that shows the photographs of him for this interview. He points at the photograph that will become our chosen cover and says with his face blushing, 'My wife will frame that one.'

I look at the photograph and avert my eyes. It's a good picture of the Duke of Valtoria. It's completely different to most stiff upper lipped Dukes who have been our interview subjects before - for one thing, he is standing in a swimming pool with a white t-shirt that has gone see through, showing off his broad chest and muscles. He is the complete opposite of what you imagine a Duke to look like and I have to say that the change is very much welcome.

He's wearing a denim shirt now and his hair has been dried. We sit down at the bar by the hotel pool and he orders two coffees for us.

Drake Walker has been the Duke of Valtoria for five years. In this time, he has married the woman of his dreams, become a father to two children and set up a mental health campaign which has exploded into something much bigger than he anticipated - more on this later. He has had a busy five years and I wonder how he feels.

'I feel really good,' he tells me with a warm smile. 'Genuinely really good. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin which has been a long time coming, believe me.’ 

I’m meeting him today to discuss the expansion of his mental health campaign, Mind over Matter. What started as a small campaign to raise awareness of mental health in men has now switched up a gear and is being made into a registered charity. 

In case you missed it (have you been living under a rock?) Mind over Matter is a mental health campaign which involved Drake, his friends and men in Cordonia going on outdoor activities. What was mocked as simply being a glorified 'boys weekend' was suddenly praised when Drake had the idea to Vlog their activities. As the men trekked up mountains, abseiled, kayaked etc, they opened up and started talking about their worries, fears and hopes. It became a safe space for men who felt like they couldn't share feelings. Maxwell Beaumont admitted that he still thought about his mother who passed away when he was ten years old, but he didn't want to burden his brother. Drake told him to be honest because 'you are brothers, you're blood. Share the load.' As they talked, a charity donation line was set up so viewers could donate money to various mental health charities. It became a huge deal and it was all the brainchild of Drake Walker. Did he see this coming?

'Never in a million years,' he answers honestly. 'But now it's happened? I want to go bigger. I want it to become one of the main charities in Cordonia. If there's a guy out there struggling with depression, anxiety, alcoholism, anything, I want him to know he can contact Mind over Matter so he can speak to a qualified health professional and get the help he needs. I don't want anyone else to feel as alone as I did.'

I ask him to elaborate. He smiles. 'Growing up in court, I felt like an outcast. I hated everyone and they acted like I was the shit on their shoe. I built up walls around myself - no, scratch that, I built a fucking fortress - and I didn't let anyone in. But it all changed when I met Camille.. She basically saved my life.'

I've met Camille a handful of times and she's always been warm and kind. She looks like the type of woman you can share a bottle of wine with and chat about men. Drake let's out a deep laugh. 'Oh my god, she is! If you ask her to do that, she would do it. She's always up to talk.'

I imagine she has played a part in making Drake more vocal about his emotions. He nods eagerly. 'Absolutely. When we first met, I was such a dick to her. Thing was, I always found myself watching her, wanting to be part of her conversations but I stopped myself.'

Why?

He looks at me seriously. 'Because I felt like I wasn't worthy. Trust me, when people treat you like you're the shit on their shoes, you start to believe it. Why would this amazing woman waste her time talking to me? So I tried to hate her but couldn't. She took the time to talk to me, joke around. She broke down those walls I built and I'm forever grateful to her.'

Drake is keen to stress that he forces himself to be open about his feelings now. 'If I don't, I'm a hypocrite. I am the figurehead of a mental health charity. If I can't discuss how I'm feeling, then how can I preach to everyone else?'

I ask if it takes work. He nods. 'Every day.'

I decide to move the conversation onto something lighter. I want to know about his kids. Are they different?

He grins, happy to be a father. 'Well, Luna is a baby so it's hard to tell, but she is certainly a different baby compared to how Lily was. Luna is so quiet. She observes everything with these big round eyes, like everything is a wonder to her, and I constantly catch myself thinking baby girl, if I could just be in your head for one minute.. '

He goes quiet with a dopey smile on his face. He then shakes his head. 'They both have my smirk though.'

I ask to see the smirk.

He smirks.

Oh my. The Smirk makes me melt (it deserves capital letters).

Drake leans forward and whispers conspiratorially, 'My wife loves my smirk.'

I ask what family life is like. What is a day in the life entail?

'Usually, Lily wake us up when the sun hasn't even risen yet and screams IT'S MORNING TIME! She will usually be carrying her sister. Somehow, Lily's managed to work out how to unhinge the crib which is actually terrifying..'

Secret genius?

Drake chuckles. 'I think she has plans for world domination. She's only five and already, she's got the mind maps and dastardly plots..'

I smile at his easy humour.

'Camille refuses to get a nanny so she will look after Luna while I do the school drop off. I come home, take Luna, Camille goes to her appointments, she comes homes, we switch and I start work.' He stops then looks at me steadily. 'Jesus, this is such a boring article. I'm sorry. I'm a dad now, my life is just nappies, lack of sleep and wondering if my daughter's poo is a natural colour.'

I will be honest here. I've met Drake a few times and he used to be.. Well, he was always friendly, but he was never this forthcoming. Now he opens up more, jokes around, smiles a lot. I ask if Mind over Matter has helped him.

'It has, yes. But also I'm just happy. I feel content, like I'm right where I'm supposed to be, you know? I have an amazing wife, two beautiful daughters and I have a purpose. I'm more sure of myself now.'

Now he seems to have matured, what kind of dad is he? I imagine he's quite serious and overprotective.

He laughs. 'Yes, I'm very overprotective. God, Lily came home the other day and showed me her collection of leaves. Yes, leaves. Apparently, in her class, if a boy has a crush on you, he gifts a girl a leaf and vice versa. Leaves have become a sort of declaration of love. And she has four! FROM THE SAME GUY!'

I tease that Lily has a boyfriend. Drake shudders. 'Don't push me.'

He then grins. 'Clearly, he's got good taste.'

Is he serious then?

'Hell no! I'm honestly a really fun dad. Am I embarrassing? Maybe.. I do Iove a dad joke. But I take part in Lily's tea parties, I wear a plastic crown and everything. Sometimes, if we're pushing the boat out, we pour chocolate milk into the teacups.' He smiles again.' Tea party days are the best days.'

I ask if he can see himself having a son. He bites his lip thoughtfully.

'No.. I used to. When I allowed myself to start dreaming about raising a family, sure I wanted a little Drake Jr. But nah, I like having girls. They're cute and they're miniature versions of their mom. How can I not want that?'

He clearly adores his wife. You see paparazzi pictures of them and they always look so close. Often, Drake would be shielding her from the cameras or taking her hand to help her out of cars. 'I'm a gent,' Drake shrugs. 'I'm also of the opinion happy wife, happy life. She's my priority. Always has been, always will be.'

I ask what's new for the Duchess. She is very engaged with her duties and seems to aways be visiting children's hospitals or promoting charities.

'She fits into her role brilliantly,' Drake tells me. 'Given she was a commoner before, and an American one at that, she's really settled into being a Duchess. I was in awe. She takes the time to get to know her public, she never complains, she cares. I'm so glad that we both got to learn our roles at the same time. She kept me feeling positive.'

Did he ever think negative?

'I always worried I was failing as a Duke,' he admits. 'I thought I wasn't doing anything. I felt like everyone could see right through me.'

Imposter syndrome?

'Yes!' he cries. 'Definitely. It took me a while to find my feet.'

The interview is beginning to wrap up. Since the past five years have been a whirlwind, is he expecting the same to happen for the next five? He is launching Mind Over Matter as a charity after all. He gives me a warm smile. 'Honestly? Once it's launched, I'm taking it easy. I'm taking my family camping for a weekend. I've got it all planned. I know I go camping a lot for Mind Over Matter so you'd think I'd be sick of it but honestly, I don't. I love being outside and if it means I get to have fun with my children, teach them new things and spend time with my wife, I'm happy. But the next five years? You can't plan it. Everything that's happened to me in my life so far, I never imagined ever happening to me. But I'm excited. So fucking excited.'

I can tell you this, reader. Drake has found himself on steady ground. Long may it continue.

[nedflames]

Danny and Criticism: An Essay/Rant?

Since I’m on desktop I can finally put this under a read more thank god and also jesus

it’s very long…and I didn’t edit it so some of it might not make any sense because I type too fast for my thoughts sometimes

I’ve been thinking about Danny, big surprise, and the way he executes criticism. Since I started watching Eddy, I’ve noticed that Danny rarely has an overt/expose criticism when he is talking about other creators, unlike Eddy and Drew.

Eddy and Drew usually criticize creators that are actively doing something ethically wrong. Their content is more essay-like and research-based than Danny’s; So, Eddy and Drew’s commentary is more satirical while Danny’s is more purely comedic. 

The thing is, Danny has been overtly critical in past videos and, for a while, it bothered me that he has backed away from it. It still does kind of bother me, to be honest, because he’s an intelligent dude who has some hot takes on important topics. I think now more than ever he could execute harsher criticism and keep it entertaining; “Bag Tho” is an excellent example of that and so was his criticism on the pedophile theory for Yummy on his second channel.

But it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to because I realized something the last time I was focusing on this issue; I’ve learned more from Danny about criticism and comedy than I have from Eddy and Drew. He has influenced the way I approach a text in more ways than any other comedian has (except maybe Bo Burnham…they’re tied). This doesn’t mean that Eddy and Drew don’t have influence over my critical thinking skills, but, for me, their content is the result of practiced critique; I don’t learn how to approach a text, but I learn about the text; it’s like discussing a subject with my peers instead of learning it from a professor; in college, both of those practices helped me learn and exercise my critical thinking so, in no way do I think this makes any of them superior to the others.

Danny’s main goal is to make people laugh; he’s said it in his main videos; he’s said it on podcasts; and he’s said it on his second channel, too. In his interview with Anthony Padilla he said that he treats his videos like stand-up. (I’d fucking love to see his live stand up. I’d give every cent in my savings account to see that.) Danny is a comedian, first and foremost, and YouTube is his platform. You could tell from his vine career just how hard he was trying to pursue comedy as a career, to be noticed as a comedian. He comes by it honestly and has said some of his vines weren’t funny and were just attempts at going viral. The dude is worried about his brand to a fault, imo, but he’s got talent and confidence to back it up. So, of course his content is going to reflect that more than Eddy’s or Drew’s. 

Eddy and Drew are also comedians who want to make people laugh but Eddy has said recently on the Gus & Eddy podcast that he wants his commentary to be about people who are actually doing something wrong instead of clowning on cringe content like Danny does. (Yes, he specifically listed Danny as an example. At first I was on the defense and felt like Eddy was kinda shaming Danny for not pursuing a more “noble” style of commentary. But, after calming down and listening to the episode again, I realized he was just saying that their content does different things which I totally agree with…still don’t agree that Danny “just clowns” on people but more on that later.) Eddy still wants his content to be funny, and still has commentary videos that don’t have an overt critical agenda, but you can tell that satirical comedy is a main motivator for him.

I feel like Drew is right in between Danny and Eddy on the criticism scale. He has his more comedic videos and he has his more serious ones. But, in my opinion, his serious videos are just a little bit better. It’s honestly hard to tell what the driving motivation behind his commentary is because he hasn’t fully spoken up about it, as far as I know, but I would say he leans more toward satirical comedy. 

Since I started studying comedy in college I’ve had a sort of thesis building in my head: humor is a comfortable way to approach uncomfortable things; it’s a way to battle cognitive dissonance. Laughing at something wrong is an effective way to sneakily change someone’s mind; ridicule and shame are powerful tools; that’s why I love satire. (I will also add since humor is amoral it can also be used negatively, but that does not mean we should jump to the conclusion that all ridicule/satire is naturally wrong.)

So what does that have to do with Danny’s style of commentary? Sure, he’s a comedian trying to make people laugh and sure he avoids addressing more serious topics, but he does provide important criticism even if it’s not in the same area as Drew or Eddy. In that interview with Anthony Padilla, Danny said he wants to prove that content on YouTube can be as good as traditional media. His goal isn’t to expose people for doing bad things, though he is still doing that but not as critically as the other two, but to show his audience how to be critical of popular media; a main criticism in his videos overall is about low-effort and formulaic content because that’s something he very clearly cares about. His goal isn’t to call out people for being toxic; it’s to call out their content for not being as good or well-though-out as it could be. The problem with low-effort content, especially from bigger creators, is that it’s there to make money and nothing else; it’s content that has no substance; it’s manipulative. Even content that has a high-production value needs to have substance, creativity, and originality. 

Danny pointed out in his “how i make a video” video that he doesn’t want to make fun people who are just inexperienced; he wants to make fun of people who know exactly what they’re doing and still don’t put in the effort to make their content good. 

Another one of his critiques, usually with Badads, is about dishonesty; his badads videos are mostly goofy but they all have the same criticism about their manipulative nature. In fact, his whole experiment with badads was about pointing out the manipulative tactics and valuing honesty (even if his honest ad didn’t get a higher CTR.)

I think his critiques are capable of teaching people to be more critical of the media they consume without making them feel like they’re wrong for enjoying it. 

Another thing I think Danny approaches well is misogyny. (Again, his badads videos are prime examples because so many ads sexualize women.) But the way he does it IS IMPORTANT and, in my opinion, a better method than other commentary channels. Returning to my theory about ridicule being an effective tool to sneakily change someone’s perspective, Danny isn’t overt about his criticisms toward misogyny. He doesn’t say shit like “sexism is bad and women are great and I worship women and blah blah blah” but he does ridicule misogyny often. His methods aren’t preachy or forceful but he does normalize the ridicule and shaming of misogynistic behavior. By laughing at the behavior and treating it like it’s outlandish and ridiculous he normalizes respect for women. This is why you will never see me saying some shit like “Danny drinks his respect women juice ohmygod he’s my heeerrrooo” because it’s not heroic behavior and he doesn’t fucking treat it that way. If we over-worship this stuff we set the bar hella low. It should not be seen as the highest possible standard for men; it should be seen as the normal standard for men. I definitely praise him for this approach, but not for just…acting like a dude should act. 

All that being said

Do I think his general audience walks away from his content with these criticisms in mind? From my experience in the fandom, and from just scrolling through the comments in his videos, I don’t think it effects everyone like it effects me. This is mostly fine because I don’t think his full intent is to get people to learn how to think critically about the content they consume; I firmly believe him when he says he mostly wants to make people laugh. But I’m hopeful that they are more critical of things even if they aren’t conscious of it.

The biggest I problem I have with Danny is that he avoids confrontation with his fans. As I said before, he’s a little too worried about his brand. I don’t think he’s as bad about it as some of his contemporaries, who have co-dependent relationships with their fans (which I distrust because I find that manipulative and dishonest); I hate when he feels like he has to do damage control with his stans on twitter (the Reddit AMA thing) but I don’t think he panders either. 

BUT what bothers me The Most is that he doesn’t make the point to call out fans who harass the creators he covers. He’s done it once or twice but I feel like all commentary YouTubers should make an effort to specify the difference between comedy/commentary/criticism and bullying/harassment. Most people swarm to commentary content because they want the drama, because they love to hate and, sadly, they think that harassment is justified even if a creator isn’t doing something horribly wrong. Hell, even if they’re doing something horribly wrong, they’re still getting undeserved attention and harassment. doesn’t. communicate. criticism. 

This is a reason why I’d wish he’d be more overt with this criticism because it doesn’t always translate…especially for his younger fans. 

What’s the point of all this? I guess I just wanted to get my inner-monologue about this out in the fresh air but I also wanted to point out that Danny’s content is still critical and it’s been effectively critical for me. He makes me appreciate comedy and criticism more but I still wish he’d be more overt about some things.

[pynkhues]

Hi! So I love your blog and your headcanons and ask responses but and I really want to ask you something thought provoking but my brain is like not cooperating so... what I really was wondering is do you have any hot tip fic recs? I am pretty new to GG and the tag on Ao3 is starting to get kinda long so I would love to know your picks before I start trawling through!

Ah, thanks, anon! And oh my gosh, there are somany great fics on ao3!! I barely know where to start, so I’m just going torec my straight up faves. This kind of blew out a little bit, so I’ve kept itto one fic per author (but assume I’m like, reccing all their works, haha)annnd I’ve put it under a tag to save everyone’s feeds, haha.

Happy reading!

Fora Moment We Were Strangers byopenhearts. 

I think I’ve already re-read this one like, a hundred times, and it’sjust so, so perfect. Intimate and domestic and sexy and sweet and just the rightamount of heartbreaking. Basically Rio, Beth, Marcus and Emma end up playinghouse due to Reasons, and it feels so true to character, and true to the show.It’s great.

He looks for another several seconds before a mild little grin colorshis face for a moment, then vanishes as he backs away.

“Nothin’. You just get pissed about weird shit is all.” He actuallyturns to leave the room, adding, “Laundry,” as he does, for emphasis.

Beth could probably choose not to rise to that, but she doesn’t. He’s inher house, messing with her, getting in her space and doing things withoutasking or being asked and it’s freaking her out, beyond just the fact that he’spresent and has made it clear he’s ready for a repeat performance of the barrestroom whenever they can find the time and privacy.

“My laundry,” she corrects, following on his heels, and she thinks shecan tell just by his shoulders that he’s holding in a laugh, which is obnoxiouson both their parts. “My house. My kitchen, my dishes-”

“I’m tryna be a pleasant houseguest, damn!” he says under his breath,both of them immediately mindful of Marcus in the next room.  Then, “thissome real last year shit, you know? You got all bothered about me bein’ in yourhouse where people could see, what your friends gonna think, how’m I gonna makeyour pretty life messy today like you-”

“Rio?”

StayPut and Play Along by FakePlastikTrees.

There are almost no words for how much I love this fic. It’s set after1.10, so it’s a little older, and basically assumes Rio really did cut Beth andthe girls loose after beating the crap out of Dean. They didn’t retaliateagain, but started their own shady business in the world of highstakesgambling, and it is just sogood and hot and the dynamic between them is *chef kissy hands*. 

Eyes trained on the wall, she takes a deep breath and asks, “Why did yousend me my necklace?”

“Well, what do I want with your necklace? Plus, you have my gun. Thoughtwe could trade.”

The statement makes her want to punch a hole in the wall and she has totake a steadying breath before slowly turning back around to face him. When shedoes, he’s standing, looking at the picture of the kids on the nightstand.

“Car man’s gone, huh?”

“Rio–”

He turns to her before she can finish a thought and as if he’s beenwaiting to say it, blurts, “You look good, Elizabeth.”

He’s serious now, all mischief gone from his demeanor.

FierceKingdom by emeraldcut

I’m a total sucker for fic which focuses on Rio’s relationship withour other good girls, soemeraldcut’s story with Annie and Rio sitting in a car basically baiting thehell out of each other makes me totally giddy every time I read it. It’s so, somuch fun, and she gets both their voices down perfectly. 

“Are you married?” she asked.

That got his attention. He gave her a blatant once-over. “You’renot my type, sweetheart,” he said, mock apology in his voice.

“Ha!” She scowled, fighting the urge to stick her tongue out.“You would be so lucky, but I never thought I was. You obviously like theolder ladies.” She didn’t know his age, but beneath the scruff, he had ababy face, she could tell.

“Why do you care?” The glint in his eyes told her that he knewexactly why.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s my job to care. Don’t you havesisters?” Now she was just baiting him.

Rio’s jaw rocked back and forth. There was a shift in the energy aroundthem, and he almost looked uncomfortable.

Annie had watched this guy hold a gun to Beth’s head without flinching,but her messing with him about something romantic with the same woman had himlooking uncharacteristically awkward. “Her husband’s a super douche.Capital S, capital D,” she announced in the midst of his silence, feelingher stomach lurch. Annie thought this was a joke, thought it was all in goodfun, just entertainment, but now she wasn’t sure.

WeSuck Young Blood by sylvianorth

Another one thatmarries domesticity with wonderful character insight and great writing! Thisone basically diverges from canon at 2.03, but it honestly could’ve replacedit. It’s such a logical progression, beautifully drawn, and with some prettysexy scenes too (a running theme in these recs, haha).

“It’s been two weeks since you said you were going to teach me.”

Rio squints at her. “Uh-huh,” he says, like he’s not sure where this isgoing. He takes a piece of bacon off her plate. “I am teaching you.”

(Sitting here at the table in her sun-drenched kitchen, Beth feels likeshe’s trapped in a cage with a leopard but Rio is genial, drinking coffee,discussing current events in the paper and asking questions about her kids.Sometimes his questions get so specific that she wonders if he goes throughtheir backpacks when she’s not looking. Once, he brings a box of Danishes forbreakfast and recommends that she save some for her children’s afterschoolsnack.)

Beth shrugs. “It’s just – it’s been a while and we haven’t doneanything. You just show up here and drink my coffee and tell me to be a bossbitch and leave and I don’t know what’s going on. You haven’t even showed mehow to fire a gun. I still can’ t lie. I still can’t kill anybody. You don’teven tell me what being a boss bitch entails, only that I’ve gotta do it. Imean, I got rid of Annie’s boss, so if anything, you owe it to me to teach me.”

Una Lady Como Tú bySleepylotus

This one haseverything! Beth and Rio on a stakeout! Snarking! Shotgunning! Car sex! It’s sogood, and so sexy, and just genuinely a lot of fun. 

“This wasn’t supposed to take this long,” Rio grumbled, tapping theclock with one long finger. “Your kiddos gonna wake up wonderin’ where Mamais?”

He almost sounded worried about them, which threw Beth off a fewdegrees. “No, they’re with their father at the family cabin up on thePeninsula,” she answered. “They’ll be gone all week.”

This won her a sideways look that sent a small shiver down her spine.“You all alone in that big house, baby girl?”

Narrowing her eyes, she lifted her chin. “I’m perfectly fine on my own,thank you.”

Rio chuckled under his breath. “Yeah, I believe that.” Strangely, itsounded like he really did.

PTA Vibes by greyish 

This is just so.much. fun. The banter! The Rio POV! The swings and roundabouts of the Beth xRio intimacy! It’s honestly just got such a great energy to it, and is sowell-written, I love it. 

The first PTA meeting he walked into, she’d given him a look of totalabject horror before quickly resuming her standard Passive Housewifeexpression. He’d enjoyed riling her up until she completely cracked, yellinggluten-free snacks are non-negotiable! at him across the table like a maniacand stunning the rest of the room into silence. They’d stared at each otherintensely until someone awkwardly cleared their throat and suggested they takea tea break

(She’d pulled him aside and demanded to know why he was trying to fuckwith her by attending a PTA meeting. He denied it lazily, not even trying tosound genuine. She’d carved out a space in his life like it was nothing. Hewanted to retaliate. Invade every aspect of her existence.)

She’d stormed off and spent the rest of the break agressively loading apaper plate with pieces of cantelope and then left it on the table withouteating any. He’s pretty sure that’s when the betting started.

A Bit of Reciprocity by nottonyharrison

Another one set post2.04, this is just really, really great. It’s more these quick snapshots ofBeth and Rio that comply with canon, but also give really great insights intoboth characters. It’s fun, and dirty, and complicated, because the charactersare fun, and dirty, and complicated, and I just love that. 

She straightens her dress and checks her makeup before she leaves, Heruns a hand over her hair to flatten a couple of strands at the back, and runsa hand towel up her leg and then she’s gone, the door closing softly behindher. His eyes lift to the mirror and he can see his hands shaking.

He didn’t kiss her, not on the mouth. He recognised her husband as heturned in his chair trying to catch the wait staff’s eye. If he’s being honestwith himself, the idea of her returning to the table dishevelled and obviouslyfucked out turns him on more than anything, but there’s a time and a place andthis definitely isn’t it.

HaveIt Your Way by ohmisterjapan

Oh my god, everything about this series is just hot. It’s a realpowerplay series, so if you’re not into that, it might not be for you, butohmisterjapan captures so well the dynamic between Beth and Rio, and both oftheir alpha personalities competing in, ya know, a very sexy way. It’s so, so,so good. 

“You set up a meeting already?” he cuts her off, visibly irritated.

There’s a beat.

“I handled it.” She holds his eye contact. He feels one of his guysshift behind him.

Another beat. He grimaces a little then leers.

“Oh you handled it? You made a decision without talking it through withyour partner, huh?”

“I did what needed to be done.” She’s deliberately light and assertivewith him and he’s so pleased and displeased at once that he barks out a laugh.He looks round to both his guys; they’re poised but, Rio notices, look a littleuncertain. He’s tries to push that observation away because if he acknowledgesit then he might also acknowledge that he, too, feels little uncertain ofhimself. And then he feels a twinge of foolishness. He snaps himself out of it.He taught her.

Suream using you byAniara 

This is actually, I think, one of the most underrated fics in the GGtag. It’s tagged as Rio/OC, but it’s actually more like Rio/Beth but from theopinion of an OC he’s fucking instead of Beth, and ugh,it’s so good. I mean: 

“[Rio’s] eyes soften and he looks away. It’s too late because before hedoes she catches the rest of his features turn almost tender. She’s seen thatlook, not just in Lee, but all the men who’ve been interested in her. It’s alook of beginning but this one is clouded with apprehension. He’s hot for thispearl lady and not just for her body.

It gets to the point his skin buzzes sometimes when she sees him. Shehalf expects him to whisper her name when they’re getting it on but he doesn’t.He’s tight lipped about most things, she figures, so why not this.”  

Annnnnnnd, I mean, it’s not a rec exactly, but a casual reminder that I’mflashindie on ao3 and you can read my stuff here, haha. :-) 

[newscheckz]

RED FLAGS YOU CAN SEE IN A JOB INTERVIEW AS A WARNING!

New Post has been published on https://newscheckz.com/red-flags-you-can-see-in-a-job-interview-as-a-warning/

RED FLAGS YOU CAN SEE IN A JOB INTERVIEW AS A WARNING!

These are different real situations gathered from social media families from their experiences while attending a job interview.

From their experiences, they say if you see below signs, it is high time you respect yourself and move on. We believe these information could help someone avoid toxic workplaces early in the interview process.

1. Keeping a candidate waiting for too long without making them comfortable. It shows the value the business leaders places in people. 2. Interview interruptions, either from external members of staff or the interviewers always excusing themselves to take a phone call. 3. Pestering the candidate as though you are trying to show them how much they do not know. 4. Interviews being postponed severally or taking too long to be set after the initial conversation is a sure red flag, 5. Impromptu Interviews, eg, being called this morning for an afternoon Interview. It is not necessarily evil, but it should be a red flag of disorganization that shall affect your employee experience in the long run. 6. Interviewees speaking to each other, in their mother-tongue in between your interview.

My story I went for a job induction at an LG electronics dealership and the manager there who I guess wanted me to feel his authority came and told me, ‘ unajua hatujajuana vizuri, akasema wait kidogo I will be back so that we get to know each other.That manager harassed me sana that day by just telling me to take a scenario where am selling a tv on phone then sell it to an employee who was there, I gave it try and it was not to his liking. Kupewa lecture ikafuata for long then akauliza an employee there if nimefunzwa how to respond to such things wakasema bado but they will teach me. The whole day huyo manager tu alikua ananiita ananiambia imgn you are selling a tv ,sell it to this employee. After unaambiwa enda, then unaitwa tena unaambiwa imagine you are selling a tv sell it to now a different employee. Niliharasiwa hivo the whole day hadi nikauzia Kila employee kwa hiyo place scenarios za tv, I felt like a mono joining form one. Hapo nikaloose hope na hiyo kazi

When they give you those “interview assignments” in the name of testing your skills beware. Most want interviewers to give them ideas and work plans then they will go ahead and use it and not hire any interviewers. I got such a job interview and told them due to time I can only do part of the task to show them my skills and thought process. I did the bare minimum but gave it my all. They later followed up that my work was unique and if I can give more details. I told them I got other engagements and I would appreciate if they could give me feedback of the interview from my work and the oral interview. They wrote back saying they can’t hire me at the moment but if I could be interested in giving them more details they would appreciate it. I ignored them coz I knew they were users. You work for them for free in the name of “it’s an interview process.” Pass me with that sh*t! I prepared a whole recruitment strategy for them. Their mzungu called wanting to get more information on what I had written, I gladly explained and that was the end. There was actually an online petition to make them stop interviewing people for ideas and never hiring them. One Acre Fund is good at this. They advertise one position daily only for ideas from candidates and will NEVER hire them.

Look at the shoes of the employees from the gate to the interview room. You’ll learn a lot about the company. Viatu if the salary is low they’ll will be very well dressed but with cheaper shoes, Most people with Low income can rarely budget for a decent pair of shoes… I’ve used it severally, not only for interviews but even in marketing. When approaching a company for a deal I look at the shoes of every person I meet. If most have decent shoes the deal normally goes through if not they people you’ll meet at the office will have very little regard of what you are selling and theur clients…. That thing works like it’s yesterday… There is a firm I found most employees had very nice but cheaper shoes and some had torn ones at the gate, yet the director wore imported designer sandals… By the time I got to talk to him I already knew his answer. Problem is his firm is based on out look, I.e they are in the service industry yet he had invested so little in his employees… Honey, I work for a leather company and am in leather footwear sales…. I know a good shoe by looking at it…If your employees can afford nor to recycle good leather shoes with a quality sole (can even start from 1000/= but with a good sole from 2500/=) then they are paid well. On the same note, you can spot an overworn Leather shoe anywhere. .. Ata viatu za punch, You need like 5 to maintain a good look throughout the week… If a shoe is overworn you’ll know…

  Once upon a time(not so long ago) a certain hotel on Mombasa road called and asked if I could attend an interview, I told them I was not interested as I was already working elsewhere…..they were insistent and I opted against my better judgement and went for the interview. They wasted 3hrs, and they had no courtesy of keeping us informed on what’s going on. I went to the Ass. H.R and asked her to give me my c.v which they had from earlier application, she politely did, asked her to go to their system and delete my profile as a viable candidate and to never contact me and I left. The following day they had the nerve to call me and asked why I left……..I just hang up on them.

  Business people interviewing young businessman in office

Always inquire about the employee turnover….. No matter how nice the boss sounds as you step in, this might just be a way to win you then use you. I joined a UK-based company in 2018, remote working with staff all over…. First as a backoffice supervisor and in two months I was promoted to asst.PM. Senior PM was an Indian lady based in Abu Dhabi. I used to find too many collisions on calls between her and the boss and I thought she was the issue. In 5months I was promoted to senior pm and she was fired. In short, by the time I resigned after two years, the company had lost 8 senior employees, most just resigned out of frustration. So, just note that if the turnover is high, you’ll either take too much shit or the job won’t be there for too long!

There is this lucrative job offer I got with some tea company..so the day we went to discuss the offer and sign off the contract tukamalizana vizuri with the then to be my boss..He asked me when I would report nikamuambia in a months time…same response I gave in the interview akasema okay..kuenda kwa Hr a kiuk lady..aliniongelesha matope ati you are doing nothing at home yet u need one month to report ati people would give anything to be in your place blabla.. I told her the fact that am not employed doesn’t mean I have notjing else running mayoooo tantrums ati ohh ama u think ur husbanda money is soo sufficient etc..i just told her am sorry I will not take the job anymore!alibaki kinywa wazi..she kept on calling to ask if I had had a rethink nikamuambia ? Rita, know your worth dear..utafika hapo tuu…always remember apart from being a job seeker you are a HUMAN BEING that should be treated with dignity…nothing less..You can imagine the baggage I would deal with coz she already had a formed mentality about me…Mark you I had not applied for the job someone referred me sue to work experience

  “Willing to work long-hours and under pressure” on the JD. Won’t even bother applying.

Politely ask how many people have quit the team that’s trying to hire you in the last year. If it’s more than 1, there’s probably a good reason. High staff-turnover is a huge redflag. Run!!

Boss shouting and/or being rude to the teagirl. Also watch the other workers. If they shrink at the boss’ sight, run.

Being delayed at the interview eg you are scheduled to be interviewed at 9am and come 11am you are still waiting worse still if no explanation is being given to you

If he/she tells you that there’s no fixed work schedule (yet the arrival time is fixed), or no fixed job description, just know you’ll be misused thoroughly. Also if you are told a story about how the employee you are meant to replace quit without notice…

I once attended an interview and at some point the panel started discussing something in their native language, in my presence yet am not a Dutch??, really disrespectful i knew i didn’t belong there

No organization will treat you better than they do at the interview. If it’s off then, it’s off.

So many years back, I went for an interview and had this guy smoking in the interview room. The oral went on for more than an hour and the guy was now chain smoking in the interview room. I excused myself from the interview and went home.

Show up at the interview scheduled time…. interviewer running late up to two hours and no explanation is given

  the workers look stressed, and underpaid, not smartly dressed…..and if you happen to ask there is a high rate of employees leaving and new ones being recruited….jua iko shida

  You go for an entry level job Interview you meet more than 10 panelists.. Honestly for a simple reception job why need such a crowd..yet they have shortlisted more than 20 candidates..that’s a scaam

An organization that keeps on hiring (for same positions) indicates a high level of staff turnover.

If u want to gauge how serious an organization is, read the body language of the security guard n the receptionist!!! If they appear demoralized n dejected, my friend, run.

The type of questions they ask.. one male interviewer kept asking about my personal life e.g “if you say you are not married then are you dating?” And you said you have children, where is their dad?” Questioning for an Administrative position.!!!! I answered like this like this coz I was already pissed..

Reading the comments…this is the way to go..Don’t entertain bullshit..know your worth..Don’t ever look desperate and have confidence .

The best one I went the boss offered me lunch as we discussed my experience and job description. I got the job…I salute that gentleman.

I went for an interview ,fikad there early that time it’s in inda,around 9 it’s when 3 men came with mud all over their shoes ,the supposed directors,instead of apologising for being late one of them told me in kikuyu “mbũra ĩrĩa yũrĩte limurũ”….I knew it was my time to leave…..

I went for an interview once ,the interview which was scheduled for 2pm started at 5pm. Prior to that,us interviewees had been sent a form to sign that we would forfeit 50% of our first salary because we had used an agency, which wasn’t true because all of us had been shortlisted from a career fair. I had been jobless for a while but I knew there was no way we would work peacefully. I did the interview as a formality,counted my fare and time loss and trusted God for better opportunities.

Attended an interview hapa tu Mombasa road ,I was asked my tribe on the questionnaire and there was an interview room which was a red flag for me ,it meant people were either getting fired all the time or they quit all the time . After the interview , I was informed by somebody on the inside that they don’t take luos because wako na malalamishi mingi and luhyas because wanapenda kuenda leave na matanga kila weekend. They only take kikuyu and merus because they are hardworking.

  I went for an interview with some garbage collection organization based in mukuru, Kwa gate napatana na matope mob, then the guy I was to converse with was missing and sent his colleague to sit in for him, the guy I think called John looked tired and not interested and at the same time lacked interview skills. From the looks hao ata mshahara wangesema 35k for a HRO position. Those are the kind of jobs I don’t regret not getting

1.”Why do you think this is the job for you?” ( The interview process is for the candidate to learn if they also want to work for you) 2. “What’s your weakness?” (This question is just dumb)

Any company that has a relative to the owner working in a powerful position…..RUN

When employees are speaking in their vernacular languages kwa reception.. Wamama wanauziana bras hapo reception.. I am kinda glad i failed that interview. Alafu interviewers kukaa as if they are being forced to be there.

After the interview,If they tell you “Don’t call us,we will call you” Jipatie shugli and carry on with your life.That call will never come.

Ask what’s the company’s Employee Value Proposition, if the HR has none, take off!! The value a company offers to employees in return for the value they bring to the organization. This is the compensation and benefits from the employer in exchange for the employees skills, experience and productivity. This is a HR plan that determins rentation or loss of talent. If theres none – hapo ni Pata Potea Organisation…

At my job interview yesterday the MD said to me, why do you think i should give you this job?

i said, because my friend Mwangi works in your IT department, and he told me you’re fucking his sister.

???????

When they ask you(a lady) Are u married, do u have children, how many children do u have…& especially when the questions come in quick succession..They don’t want an employee wakuenda martenity ama wakushinda akisema ‘my baby is unwell’.

I was invited for an interview, The Ladies kept asking me if I’m married…one time… two times… third time they got into my veins and I asked them if they are married themselves ?Then they asked for a Three hundred thousand bribe…I told them if I had that money I wouldn’t be sitted There answering questions cz I don’t like questions anyway.Next day I was called to go start the Job

Dirty toilets,no thank you…I always make sure to visit the toilets

Alot of luhyas and kambas very toxic work place ???95% of kambas are the worst people to work with. The two tribes are snitches..will laugh with you but things they tell the boss behind your back…Kambas are sycophants, if they are colleagues unacheza chini, wasikuelewe, afadhali luhyas unajua livelive ni mchochezi, kambas can confuse you ??????????No wonder kaoz were long distance traders…kusambaza tu mushene na kujipendekeza kwa wadosi ..

A lady panelist asked what my family planning plans were.they were tired of female employees coz they have to go for maternity leave..saa hio am newly married ata nilishindwa la ku sema…afterwards they sent me a mail that I was the successful applicant two days letter they withdrew the offer wakasema they will let me know in due cause if I will be employed or not…useless organization..nkt..

I went for an interview at Faulu, it was going well till I was asked, “are you saved?” I said, no but I’m a Catholic. That’s where the interview ended.

You two fat women. I have never forgotten how you looked at me like I’m Jezebel. ????

If you see the job adverts ama your interviewer asks you whether you can work for under pressure ama for long hours wewe hepa tu. Hapo utafanya more than the standard 9 hours and most likely hutapata any overtime

We’ve shared experiences on toxic workplaces. Kindly share the different red flags you’ve seen at a job interview. This could help someone avoid toxic workplaces early in the interview process.

[xylianna]

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 I have had a lot of rum today and will totally star for star with you....of course I will probably be sober by the time you get to this... MORNING RUM IT IS!!!!

48 STARS?   SERIOUSLY DO YOU WANT MY LIFE STORY?  CAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET IT.

1. my first pet was a rabbit named Carmel

2. my first cat was a yellow tabby named Orlith (Moreta’s queen dragon in the Dragonriders of Pern books)

3. my other two cats have been named Wolf and Lynx.  Wolf is my old lady cat, 18 years old.  Lynx I had to rehome when I moved a few years ago.  Orlith died years ago, the poor thing.

4. I learned how to hunt because I live in an area that is THE THING and also animals are tasty. I spent hours tracking a damn pheasant on my first hunt but because of my shitty eyesight/lack of depth perception, couldn’t see it, so my dad shot it. He still credited me with the kill since I tracked it.

5. I like to go fishing, if by fishing you mean “sit on the boat and read a book because its pretty on the water”

6. I like spreadsheets a little too much. Google Sheets means I can have them EVERYWHERE.

7. I love to sing, and its the one thing I’m actually a bit arrogant about. At least, I feel like its arrogance. Maybe its just being truthful? I have a really good voice. I trained it for a lot of years.  it’s one of the few things I can do that almost always lifts my mood.

8. I hadn’t seen any live concerts in ages, and then in 2016 I saw Final Fantasy A New World and the Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses

9. I have next to no confidence in anything outside my singing and it still boggles my mind that people like my writing. this isn’t me fishing for compliments, I’m honestly astounded. I read other people’s stuff and I’m blown away that those same people like mine, when theirs is just so fucking amazing.

10. sometimes I go anywhere between a day or a week without contacting anybody just to see if anyone bothers to talk to me if I don’t reach out first.  the results usually make me more sad than before I tried. and make me question most my ‘friendships’.

11. I’ve been single for two years and I kinda hate it, but don’t expect it to change anytime soon. part of the reason is i’m picky AF.  most of the reason is I have little to no social life.

12. I’m pagan and I am deeply spiritual but I generally don’t discuss it at all if I’m not asked by a close friend, because to me spirituality and religion is DEEPLY personal

13. I have never slept with a woman who hasn’t decided afterwards that she’s straight. this is probably why I’ve dated so few women. while logically I know there’s no correlation between my performance and their declarations (especially as my more recent ex-gf is dating another woman now), its still a pretty big ego blow.

14.  Sorry I just answering this to sing for like 10 minutes.   Currently trying to type while singing “Missing” by Evanescence.  ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST!

15. i hate going to movies alone and will actively buy people tickets just so I don’t have to

16. I hate cooking for just me when my son isn’t home, so instead I tend to batch cook and freeze a bunch to enable lazy dinners down the road

17. I’m a really good cook :D

18. Tomorrow I play D&D! I play once a month with a small group of family and friends. This is the third group I’ve had for the same campaign and I don’t think I’ll ever see the end at this rate, haha.

19. I also play WoW.  In WoW, I play Xylianna, the Paladin.  In D&D I play a Fighter.  I like swords okay?

20. work sucked this week but I have rum now :D

21. I had cancer when I was 17.   In 2 months will be my 18th anniversary of being cancer free. I celebrate that more than my birthday, or my wedding anniversary before I was divorced.  Nothing gets you to pare the bullshit out of your life faster than getting that diagnosis, let me tell you.

22. HOW THE FUCK AM I ONLY ON NUMBER 22 WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME *gets a third drink*

23. In my local kink community, my ‘scene name’ is one of my first OTP’s.

24. If 23 didn’t warn you, I’m going to talk about BDSM now. I’m a switch insofar as I’ll top without any real hint of dominance since I LOATHE the responsibility of being a dom.  Iggy in Discretion/What Would Happen is totally based off me, because I vastly prefer to give over control since my entire fucking life is me running everything. I run my dept at work, I run my house, I run my gaming group, I run my karaoke group.  Sometimes I just need a break okay?

25. also gimme dat pain

26. and I’ll give you some, too, because I enjoy service topping

27. Consent is Sexy, okay?   I go out of my way to portray consent being constantly re-established in my bdsm fics particularly, because its never okay to assume that just because I was allowed to do X last week, its okay to do X this week. I mean obviously in an established relationship, it would be different, but even then CONSENT AND COMMUNCATION, SO FUCKING SEXY

28. I wish I could play a string instrument. I bought a guitar and tried to learn it but it turns out I am not good at teaching myself something so different from what I already know, haha.  Chords  are confusing to me for some reason. Or I made them more confusing than they had to be.

29. I am embarrassed to admit how many years its been since I picked up one of my clarinets.  I wish I could find a local ensemble to join, but, that would mean reaching out and asking and aahhhhhh *hides*

30. I would also totally lose my shit if I could find a choral group to join that wasn’t attached to a Christian church. no offense at all to christian churches, but I feel a bit dishonest joining a group connected to a faith I don’t share, you know?

31. when I go to xmas eve church with my mom at her church, my brother-in-law’s mother does indeed make me join choir for that night, and its great!

32. i’m intensely lonely most of the time but I pretend i’m not because indulging in the feeling won’t change anything. and tbh part of it is my fault for isolating myself.

33. I have chronic severe depressive disorder coupled with a side of anxiety. So I feel like shit, and I worry about it, LOL

34. Prior to November 2017 NaNoWriMo, I hadn’t written in over 10 years, save for a couple 300ish word short stories.

35.  part of me is terrified certain family members will find my AO3/Tumblr. I actually talked to my psychologist about this fear at my last appointment. We agreed that if they go to so much trouble as to find my internet alter ego, they deserve to be offended by my work. Fuck ‘em.

36. just once I wish I could feel the support I give my family given to me. I have one supportive family member and its not even blood. my brother-in-law is my best friend, for real.  my Warder (if you follow WoT), bonded in balefire.  I wish the rest of my family would care about me, but I’m working on accepting they just won’t.

37. I love learning languages for the same reason I love studying music, and I love writing - my goal is to communicate as effectively as possible, make people really understand, and the more avenues open to me the better

38. when I get a little drunk, I forget English and speak a mashup of Spanish, German, and Japanese

39. I have to go to karaoke tomorrow night for the first time since I was sexually harassed at karaoke last October, and I’m kinda terrified

40. I get very down on myself when I realize in my writing I do no world building and very little serious plotting. I basically write angst, or love, or smut. I’m trying to be okay with that, but I admit I feel like I don’t do a good enough job.

41. wow way to kill the mood, Xy.   honestly, if anyone is still reading this, you get a fucking medal.  i’m not that interesting, and I probably should have stopped writing this long ago.

42. I really wish life would give me a fucking break, you know?  but that’s not how it works.  you gotta make your own breaks, and I’m too gods-damned tired to try at present.  Maybe I’ll try later this year.

43. I wish I lived alone. Ironic, since I’m lonely 99% of the time.  But having a roommate isn’t the same as having companionship and sometimes I just want to not listen to someone else’s blaring TV or have someone else walk thru the house while I’m writing at the table or have someone comment on my singing (even if its complimentary)

44. WOW I GOT DEPRESSED LETS LIGHTEN THINGS UP SHALL WE?  I love apple scented shit.

45.  I own at least 10 pairs of kitty ears, and two tails.  In fact I am wearing ears to karaoke tomorrow.  Meow.

46.  I want the relationship I write for Gladnis in my Discretion series BUT I’M NOT HOLDING MY BREATH FAM

47.  my son is 8 yrs old and he’s honestly the best thing i’ve done with my life, and he is the thing I am most proud of, even topping my joy in beating cancer

48.  in 2016 I lost 120 pounds.  in 2017 i gained 30 back.  in 2018… we’ll see.

HOLY FUCK THAT WAS HARD I DESERVE MORE RUM NOW OKAY

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[youveneverbeenalone]

Inktober for Writers/Fictober:

Day 8- Impasse (Darejones)

Yikes, down to the wire with his one. And how do these keep doubling in size?! Oops. I still need to edit it, but I think I like where it went. Hopefully you do too. As usual, prompt list here, and links to previous days at the bottom. Thanks for reading! Also, sorry I didn’t add a read-more, but I’m posting on mobile because I Am lying in bed, trying not to fall asleep. And as far as continuity goes, could really fit with any of my other stuff, after they’ve gotten together. Enjoy!

Day 8- Impasse

Their first real fight is a bit of a doozy. And it hits him out of nowhere. For a while, he even worries that it might mean the end for them.

They are laying in her bed on a Saturday night, having just had some pretty damn good sex, talking and laughing and generally enjoying themselves. She’s getting sleepy, he can hear it in her voice, and the warmth radiating off of her is starting to make him sleepy too, like it’s trying to convince him to stay. But he takes a deep breath, trying to force himself to leave, because if he doesn’t get up now, he’ll stay until the morning, again. And that wouldn’t be bad, except for the fact that he hasn’t been to Mass in weeks, in so long that he’s forgotten just how long it’s actually been, and it’s starting to eat at him.

Her breathing is evening out, and he knows it’s now or never. So he inhales one last breath of her hair, and rolls to the edge of her bed. “Call me tomorrow if you want to get lunch. Or a drink.”

She groans and rolls toward him. “I didn’t take you for the ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ type, Murdock. What gives? I was just getting comfortable.”

He chuckles softly and stands, beginning the search for his clothes. He finds his boxers and steps into them as he answers her. “I need to get up early, and I thought it would be easier for both of us if I left now.” He bends again, this time grabbing his shirt and shrugging it on.

He hears the springs of the mattress wine faintly as she props herself up on an elbow and rests her head on her palm. “Must have a hot date. Should I be jealous?”

He can’t help but smile at that, laughing brightly as he finishes buttoning his shirt. “Nah. Father Lantom’s not really my type.”

She snorts a laugh as he bends to pick up his pants.

“Going to church, then? Huh.”

He raises an eyebrow as he steps into his pants. “Was that a good ‘huh’ or a bad ‘huh’?”

She shrugs. “Neither. Just an expression of my surprise.”

A frown furrows his brows as he buttons and zips his pants. “My going to church is surprising? I was under the impression that you knew I was Catholic.”

She heaves a heavy sigh at that. “No, I knew that. I just didn’t think you were a particularly … good one.”

He blinks at that, unsure of what to say, in no small part because she’s unknowingly given voice to a worry that plagues him constantly. An uncomfortable silence descends upon them as he struggles to find words, and he can hear her pulse rising with each second that passes. Finally, she can’t take it anymore and sits up, pulling the sheet around her lap.

“Look, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean th-“

The sound of her voice breaks him from his trance, and he shakes his head, cutting her off. “Didn’t mean that as an insult?”

Her teeth grind the slightest bit as she sets her jaw, and the sound sends a shiver down his spine. Her tone is low and begrudging when she answers him. “Yeah.”

He raises his eyebrows once, then hangs his head. “It’s okay, I know. And even if you did, you’re not wrong. But that’s part of the reason that I need to go. It’s been too long.” He bends to pick up his tie and starts threading it under the collar of his shirt.

She licks her lips and turns away from him, her pulse speeding all the while, as though trying to decide whether or not to ask a difficult question. As he finishes tying his tie, she speaks, voice hesitant.

“So does that stuff really work for you?” She turns her head back toward him, and he can feel the look she’s giving him- like she’s scrutinizing him.

He can’t hold back a chuckle at the way she phrased that question. “What do you mean?”

She lets out an exasperated sigh that would make him laugh if there wasn’t suddenly such tension in the room.

“Does the stuff that you do- like going to church and being a Catholic, believing in God, and whatever else- actually help you?”

Her skeptical tone takes him aback almost as much as the question; he can’t seem to wrap his brain around it. His answer comes out sounding like a question also, because he’s still confused about what she’s asking him and why she’s asking it.

“Yes… otherwise I wouldn’t be going.”

The disgusted scoff she gives him at that sends a flare of anxiety up in his stomach. His heart starts to race because he doesn’t know where she’s going with this, but it doesn’t seem good.

“Don’t be an asshole. I’m serious. Do you honestly believe there’s a god out there, even with all of the suffering and pain and bullshit that exists in this world?”

Wow, he really didn’t expect that. Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. He hears accusation in her tone, as well as incredulity, and a hell of a lot of pain. A beat passes and he can do nothing but gape at her as his anxiety skyrockets.

But then he blows out a long exhale to try to calm himself, and puts his hands on his hips to help him feel more grounded. He can still feel her staring at him, and he has to work to regulate his breathing as he opens his mouth to answer her. But his answer is clear.

“Yeah, I do.”

But that doesn’t seem to be the answer she was looking for. He can’t understand why, but suddenly fury is radiating off of her like heat from the sun. Her voice is harsh, a mix of confusion and frustration as she pleads with him.

“H-how? How can you think that? You’re not a dumb guy, Matt, so explain to me how that makes sense.”

But he’s just as confused and frustrated as she is. “Jess, what is this really about? Because I don’t think those have to be mutually exclusive things. I don’t see why the existence of suffering is counter to the idea of God. We all have free will, and sometimes the decisions we make cause pain and suffering for others. That’s why it’s important that we try to follow God’s teachings- so we don’t end up hurting other people.”

Somehow, he keeps picking the exactly wrong things to say to her. Because now she’s seething. He thinks that, if she were clothed, she’d be pacing the floor and pushing into his personal space.

“Right, right. So, let me see if I have this straight- it’s all God’s plan until it isn’t, because of good ol’ free will. And the truly evil people in the world, well, they just need to learn to make better choices. But that’s totally on them, no responsibility at all for the guy who allowed the situations to occur that taught those people to make bad choices. It all makes sense to me now.”

The more she talks, the more his hackles are rising, but he doesn’t want to fight with her. Hell, he’s still unsure of exactly how this fight started in the first place. He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose as he lets a beat pass. Then he speaks to her in a soft, calm voice.

“Jess, I’m sorry I upset you. I don’t know how we got here, and I really don’t want to fight. So maybe we should both just take a breath and agree to disagree for now. We can save this conversation for another time- when it’s not almost midnight and when we’re both … dressed.”

He hears her scoff at that, but counts it as a win, because she seems much calmer when she answers him. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have-“ she heaves a sigh, and her hands shift on the bed, as she takes hold of the sheets, as though they are her anchor. Then she tries again.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start a fight, either. And I’m not angry at you. But I have a lot of problems with religion and the idea of God because… I’ve seen the actual face of the devil, and I can’t imagine a God who would allow anyone to be subject to his torture if he actually cared about anyone on this piece of shit planet.”

And just like that, the final piece of the puzzle clicks into place. No wonder she has such strong feelings about this topic. From what he’s read, Kilgrave is the closest thing to the literal incarnation of the devil he’s ever heard of, even more so than Fisk. And that’s saying a lot. Her arguments make a lot more sense when he’s considering the lens through which she views the world. But it’s still not a problem they’ll solve tonight.

“It’s okay. Those are discussions I would be happy to have, at some point. But Jess, please know that just because I believe that we all have free will doesn’t mean that I think you deserve what happened to you. Because nothing could be further from the truth. And a part of me wishes that bastard was still alive so that I could give some of his own medicine, Catholic or not.”

She’s silent for a few moments, and his heart threatens to hammer out of his chest because he’s afraid that for the third time tonight, he’s said the wrong thing to her. He really didn’t mean to add that last part, even though it’s true, for fear that he might frighten her with the intensity of his reaction to that bastard, Kilgrave.

But then she breaks the silence, voice flat and nonchalant. “I guess that’s what confession is for.”

He chuckles in spite of himself and gives her a smirk. “Something like that.” He crosses the few steps back to the bed and traces the line of her cheek before he moves his hand to thread through her hair and pull her closer so he can place a kiss on the crown of her head. She sighs softly at the gesture, and he says a silent prayer of thanks that he did not see to ruin things between them.

He steps back, but she grabs his hand before he can step out of her reach. “Have fun being a good little Catholic boy.”

“I will. Call me tomorrow if you want to talk. Or if you’d rather do something more enjoyable.”

She chuckles and squeezes his hand once before dropping it. He turns and heads for the door. She calls to him before he reaches the threshold.

“‘Night, Murdock.”

He turns to call back to her over his shoulder as he crosses to the front door. “‘Night, Jones.”

And then he’s leaving her apartment, mind going a million miles a minute as he processes the last half-hour. They survived their first fight, though it was touch and go there for a bit. And even if they weren’t able to settle their argument, they were able to reach an understanding for the time being. And maybe it’s better this way, because it will give both of them time to formulate their thoughts for the next time they have the chance to discuss the issue. But until then, he’s happy to know that she cares enough about him to have broached such a personal and intense topic. And he’ll use whatever opportunities he is given to remind her of the fact that what happened was not her fault.

If he can convince her of that, maybe he can get her to consider his perspective a little more seriously. But in the end, all that he really cares about is that she is able to work through her feelings about the awful things she has experienced and find peace. And he’ll do whatever he can to help her with that process, impasse be damned.

Day 7 | Day 9

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Wyatt answers a question (Part1)

Telling me not to so something makes me want to do it even more, DJ. Why Israel? Because when I joined this movement, I notice everyone talks about every other country but no serious discussion on Israel. No one is safe from criticism imo. So how about we do that, DJ? Shall we? Let's have honest discussion, DJ. Because truth is coming. It is obvious that elite 1% hide behind good jewish people to commit atrocities and profit on top of them. Much like America. I have no problem admitting that. We are great, but we are also monsters to much of the world. The elite 1% have created the jewish vehicle and manipulate good Americans and good Israelis, they do not care about the Jews. At. All. They hide behind them. In fact, Honest Jews should be most vocal. This common knowledge outside the schizophrenic propaganda bubble in America. Oh trust me, DJ, they don't care if you Jewish or Moslem or Christian. They have plans for each of you. They will use you. Tarnish your name. They will ride you like vehicle, & when you crash, they will use other vehicle. HRC=vehicle. Jews=vehicle. Christian's are vehicles. It's all pretty simple if you put emotions aside and think from perspective of psychotic king. Tbh, all of this new to me, I've only started looking into this topic since 2018. How the good jewish people aren't outraged is beyond me. I really don't get it. It'll be hard, ofc. It's funny. Some Q people follow like no one's biz and have malfunction when Israel brought up even tho Q says "saving Israel last." People afraid to RT etc but my views way up, so obv ppl curious & reading. Massive redpills incoming. Bend over and say ah. One side note. I like Gorka, but he gets foolish and smeared low follower acct I follow not long ago because he asked legitimate Q about Holocaust. Q everything? Gorka called him "denier." That is what I mean. No hate ever, we want honest discussion & curious why the deflections Also I dont always have opinion on the stuff I write about, just sayin. So if you say anything to me like dumb cuck, I'll laugh. I'm just typing what I see. Even from multiple perspectives sometimes But the Q was about the Holocaust numbers. Fair question. So I looked into it. The outright denial is chidish imo and not serious person. People definitely died, and there were labor camps, but numbers get questionable. Yes, yes they do. You can find examples everywhere. There was a single witness who supposedly was in two concentration camps and is the primary source for about 1/3 of Holocaust deaths. It's a nasty rabbit hole, but you figure out that a lot is stack of exaggerations. One of the most obvious is the fact that the Nazi's crematoriums would have had to burn a body about 10x faster than a modern one and be running 24/7 for years with literal zero downtime. There's a reason why they specifically say "Historians agree that 6 million died" because it's just an agreement, not an actual number based on facts. Have you ever seen the Treblinka Holocaust Memorial? It looks pretty strange for a "memorial". Looks like they just     Holocaust historians claim that during WW2 almost 900,000 people were killed and buried at Treblinka. And they claim that later the Germans dug up and burned the bodies in order to destroy the evidence. In 1999 a team of experts used an $80,000 Ground Penetration Radar (GPR) device to check for evidence that the soil had ever been disturbed as . They found no evidence of any soil disturbance. They covered the field with 17,000 boulders/stones and called it a memorial.Now you can't run any more Ground Penetration Radar tests - not without moving 17,000 boulders (which are set into concrete).  Of course, doing this would be disturbing a sacred Holocaust "memorial" - which would land you in jail.  Mission Accomplished. The whole Holocaust thing and the way the elite 1% use as a vehicle is very strange and fascinating at same time. Are you not at all curious as to why this is the only genocide event that needs legal protection by throwing "deniers" into jail? Or do you just happily overdose on the forced narratives? Surely the elite would never lie to you. They aren't psychopaths or anything. Trust us. Genuine Question. Why do we hear about the Holocaust over and over in movies, TV shows, documentaries, newspapers, books, etc. but almost never hear about the HUNDREDS of other historical genocides? It seems very weird until you figure out the real purpose of all this. Ask yourself one simple question, How in the world does Israel get away with their mass murder, ethnic cleansing and brutal oppression - if we're going to be honest. I have criticism for both sides of that conflict, don't get me wrong. I'm staying on outside looking in though. Why are we very allowed to discuss the idea of white privilege, but forbidden from discussion of the hypothesis of Jewish privilege? Foolish if you don't think it applies the other way too. In three words... Guilt/elites/vehicles. Guilt over Holocaust. Sick, but brilliant, no? The ultimate Guilt trip enables the ultimate in psychological manipulation. You see, Holocaust means that they entitled to special rights - the right to forbid people from discussing their disproportionate wealth & political influence. THE PERFECT VEHICLE. How do you not see? A found that the number one reason Jewish Americans give as the source of their identity as Jews is not race or religion.  Instead when asked "What does it mean to be Jewish?", the number one reason given (73%) was "Remembering the Holocaust". Hm. Some people think of it as a secular pseudo-religion called Holocaust-ianity or some shit (combining the words "holocaust" and "Christianity").  Laws in many U.S. states, known as , mandate teaching to all school children. Vedddy weird folks, no? This indoctrinates kids with the belief that the Jewish people are "unique" in their historical victim-hood.  This puts Jews at the very top of the victim hierarchy. This was the goal from beginning, since widely believed victim narrative gives you political power, being top of victim hierarchy give you the most political power.  That's why holocaust-ianity causes people to believe that Jews deserve special rights that no one else has. They mean well, but man are they slow. For example, holocaust-ianity means wealthy inbred morons can manipulate Israel and somehow hold ethical exemption to create type of racist country, whether citizens realize or not. Laughable. Israel is diverse. I know 4 that live in Haifa and they travel all over. Lefties, righties, buncha groups. If Mr.Trump just stomped out the major criminal networks we wouldn't even be dealing with any of this bullschiff. Regular citizens always the ones who suffer. It's pathetic. Normal chill citizens there can easily do what we are doing. What I'm saying is I condemn both sides of region but also support both sides for defending themselves. Innocent people always caught up in the middle. What I'm really saying is that Israel needs to flush their toilet. Not hard to separate elite agenda from normal people on planet. Some idiots will follow like lefties here. Man made systems. Can be infiltrated and can be used as vehicles to manipulate the masses of genuine good people out there. Also dont forget the horrific stuff Japanese did. And then you have them working with China and selling sensitive information and testing out traitorous surveillance tech. Like Hillary. Who is Rothschild pet. God forbid we should ever cut off their billions and cut aid entirely for now - they might really stab us in the back. Holocaust-ianity gives right to violate principle free speech, so people can be censored etc. Use Dan Cringeshaw, but never trust Dan Cringeshaw. He said it best. Said you're allowed to question everything and criticize every govt except for one lucky winner.  Hint: not USA Currently no other vehicle at time has this special political right to protect the victim-hood narrative against people who might use their free speech rights to question the narrative. Also why Obama talked schmack but still agreed to send billions. Elites are manipulating you. The political power engendered by Holocaust-ianity is so powerful that it must be protected at all costs from the blasphemers, otherwise known as holocaust "deniers." Pathetic boring game by 1%. Make no mistake. Creating J victimhood and using as vehicle is nothing new at all. If you start seriously questioning the narratives, some will malfunction and start melting and end up blocking you or telling me "why they are going to block me now" lolol. It's so childish and weird. All we're doing is talking, asking questions, normal stuff. So scary ... ffs.  Literally only thing I remember learning in Highschool was Holocaust and Rwandan genocide only because chill mf teacher put on movie Hotel Rwanda (really really good btw) about Rwandan genocide. We were taught as if Holocaust was the only genocide. Others not brought up. Why? I got indoctrinated by bs and became bored and 100% distanced from all this. When I saw a lot of the truth and became fascinated and interested in our history and cemented love of country and realized there are shit load of atrocities - feels clown like to treat anyone special. I wish more would sit down and look at things more honestly. Even if you dont know answer. I openly talk about all these topics with whites, blacks, hispanics, asians, my best friend Filipino (Dodi), or other best friend Sikh (Deepak), 99% understand none of this is our fault. That's why the state of Israel denies the Armenian Holocaust.  That's also why the state of Israel denies the Polish Holocaust.  And that's why the state of Israel agrees Ukrainian Holocaust must be downplayed.  Even ADL on video bullied Ukraine into There can be only one **top** victim narrative. We can't even trade positions for like a day. Boring!  And that position must belong to the "most oppressed people in history" - the "chosen people". *barf* The clip showing ADL's triggered bullying is from a documentary called "Defamation". Created by an Israeli Jew. Jews aren't a race, they are a religion Jewish supremacists in some top universities teach that Judaism is only a religion and that Jews are really just white people.  Of course, it's not true and they know it. America's Most Famous Rabbi (as well as Israeli scientists) admitted that Jews are a Race, not a Religion. So why do they teach the "Judaism is only a religion" fallacy? They do this so that they can promote the idea of "White Supremacy" imo. If Judaism is nothing but a religion, that means the concept of ["White Supremacy" can be used as camouflage to cover up the fact that we actually live in a System of Jewish Supremacy. Also you do NOT have to be "Jewish." It's a game. Many people like myself are very new to breaking out of the mind control propaganda.  They've had an almost total lock on the information for many decades.  The internet is allowing a break out of the 'forbidden' information. The Jewish Supremacists are clearly freaking out and trying their best to bring censorship to the internet under the cover of "hate speech" laws. Hopefully enough people can be de-programmed in time to prevent the censoring of more internet. The axis of power in the world is doing tilts and Israel has to start wiggling itself into good position with China. As for the US, state of Israel doesn't give two schiffs about US or its people, you are tax farm and buncha fools who will jump to defense when they tell you to. It's going to be interesting to see how they will attempt to wiggle w Chinese, they are less easily manipulated than the Americans. If you step on toes once they will not forget. Not like US which has gaping whole for ass of the huge arse f'ng it has been getting for years now. You should really talk to some Israelis or read what they write online. A few good websites out there. Israel is more critical of Israel than the US is of Israel. It is hysterical to me. Some Americans think Israel is some hivemind and each person is connected with a string. US "ally" Israel routinely caught sending American troops in to do the fighting they should be doing themselves. Israel is not the home of the chosen people. There are no chosen people. What a strange ridiculous idea. Some conservatives get creepy about it. I see in my replies.  Israelis have own interest in mind, always have. We may think they are our allies, but if somebody else gives them a better deal, they will sell us. That's just a fact. We have no real allies. Doesn't mean we end trade or anything. But we should know where everyone's coming from. It's just weird how the influence is all up in media. Hollywood. Basically 40% of all billionaires. Supreme court. Hell, 2% of population, but 80% of peach mints. Those witnesses were.... you'll never guess. Why would people not question this or at least have honest discussion. This was a brief duckduckgo search that took no more than 7 mins. I was reading article on how Tyler perry owns the movie studio in Atlanta, and how it’s bigger than paramount and dream works and other studios combined. So I started thinking about other influences in Hollyweird. Hollywood, I didn’t know this, made up of more than one movie studio. I’m ignoramus to this stuff. So I duckduck the owners of all the major studios in Hollywood. Boy oh boy, they’re all yeah you guessed it. To me, it's more interesting than anything. I'm just naturally curious. And it wasn’t till 2018 that I was exposed to this how Jewish Supremacists manipulate normal Israelis and normal Americans, and that would explain why America is Israel’s ho. Even that tho, the America is Israel’s biatch thing, I still don’t fully understand the foreign policy we have with them but I hear that phrase thrown out a lot by people who are known as "no bs" people. The inconsistency in the Jewish proportion of heavy hitter business people is fascinating. It really is. I’m still a shit and still learning when it comes to this and our ties with Israel. Over last few weeks I’ve been thinking about religions and how there’s really only three major ones, all with some things in common in their stories but with one major commonality, the holy land: I don’t think any of the religions got it right, something could have happened x amount of years ago in my opinion and the religions are essentially people’s versions of the story, most inconsistencies with a few similarities. How would we know. We wouldn't. Could very well be like a game of telephone. I could be wrong though, it could be something else but as I get older my belief in God grows, and idek how to pray to it or what to read about because I don’t think anyone��s got it right. And I'm a Catholic and believe in God. When your team runs the award-giving committee, you tend to win a lot of awards. That said, I have a lot of respect and admiration for the Jewish team. They've got an 'us-against'-the-world' thing going that encourages them work together and achieve some pretty cool things. Unfortunately, 'Us-against-the-world' also implies you can treat everyone who isn't on your team as an enemy combatant. It's this embattled attitude that generates a kind of ruthless, unsympathetic attitude toward players on the other team. And they are FIRST to call out any other group that adopts same strategy. It blows my mind how many people fail to understand this is a MACRO evolutionary strategy for them and they wish to slowly breed out and exile out races they don't like etc. Using Jewish label as a front. Yep, they even gave the White Helmets a Nobel Peace Prize. That shows the level of propaganda they are able to perpetuate against the American people through their mass media apparatus. Tons of Overwhelming Evidence That Israel Supports !slamic Terrorist Groups in Syria. You never hear about the regular, everyday Jews and it's shameful. I obviously know and talk to poor Jewish peeps, but it’s a thing, it’s such a thing to the point that it’s a stereotype. While stereotypes can be offensive or seem irrational because they cast a wide generalization on a large group of people, they exist for a reason and stick around for the same, so they must be true on some level. Not all catholic priests diddle. I went to 2 years of communion classes as boy at a catholic church with other kids and the priests were awesome. That doesn’t take away from the fact that a shitload of kids did get touched and molested by priests on such a large scale that the Vatican was aware. And I have no problem admitting Catholic Church one of most corrupt organizations in world and is used to manipulate masses. Not all Jews are bad or are out to take out America or care to gain influence through high ranking positions. It's all just a game. But we're the ones that suffer and get manipulated. Literally every Jewish person I've befriended, are normal, ethical people who care about living life through what their religion seems just. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that Jewish people, both male and female hold lots of highly influential and esteem positions in America, a country mostly made up of Christians when it comes to religious demographic, and these positions are dominated by Jewish people at an alarming inconsistent rate. Try reversing role and doing that shite in Israel. They'll kick you out so fast your head will be spinning. I watched interview one time with David Ben Gurion and the interviewer asked the former prime minister about Israel's nuclear program. (Israel has never admitted to having nukes, though there's lot of anecdotal evidence saying they do have nukes...but no country has inspected Israel's program since JFK. JFK was very suspect of state of Israel. So interviewer asks DBG if Israel has nukes and he replies, "We have enemies". So that's the situation. If you see the rest of the world as an enemy, you can do anything, because, it's for your survival. The truth is simply pointing out facts made from observations in data causes lots of childish triggering and weird deflection on this subject because of the deep history. Pointing out the inconsistency in that blacks make up 13-15% of the US population but over 70% of the prison population shouldn’t cause uproar or anger but rather curiosity and request of answers. Most videos of police officers will have you believe most cops use excessive force and that there is war going on between inner city black people and white pool ice officers. Total nonsense. Obviously not all blacks are criminals, but something’s fishy there. For a fact a lot of black people in prison did something wrong that led directly to their incarceration but the numbers simply hint at some sort of fuckery afoot, that leads to people asking questions. Doesn’t take a five minute duckduckgo search to realize how many blacks are doing hard time for ridiculous non violent drug offenses. Same thing goes for the cops. One of most stressful jobs ever, all day people are lying to you, when you show up to a situation it typically doesn’t mean something great is happening, pulling people over to give them tickets must feel like a shitty thing to do when a quota is set by dept. most are good at their job. It’s the few who we see in videos that show a lack of training and or skill under stressful situations. And same goes for this except when these observations are made immediate malfunction cognitive dissonance ensues. The difference with the outrage is they have a decent influence on so many sectors of this country, you can literally be black balled for life from anything. The collective identity makes sure that you think in terms of Group first and prior to anything else. On top of this, Judaism actively teaches infiltration of positions of power, politics, msm, and so on simply in order to better their chances at survival by group based nepotism. Imo the narratives have been twisted by the winners. This where the whole “history is written by the winners” phrase comes in. You have a full understanding of just how powerful the influence is when it comes to people just simply speaking about, or asking genuine questions etc.  

Wyatt @SayWhenLA    

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[bardqueenofgallifrey]

prompt: Rosa goes to a classy hotel bar in London to get over a slump and hooks up with a lady (quill? ;)) except she accidentally calls out Ginas name whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Of all the prompts, this one got the most out of hand, lmao, but it’s probably because we’ve discussed it before, Michelle (nice try with the anon, though, you’re fooling no one), and I had Ideas. 

Behold, Rosa trying to get over Gina by sleeping with a hot weirdo, only for said hot weirdo to prod her into going back to win her girl. 

You can also read it on AO3!

I’ve never written for B99 before so I’m pretty nervous, so please let me know how I did!!

It really sucks, having feelings.

After the whole “jail” fiasco, that she does her hardest to forget everything about, things should really have gone back to normal. But they don’t. She breaks up with Adrian, because even though there’s a part of her that he’ll always get in a way no one else will, she’s not sure it’s a part of herself she wants emphasised.

Really, it all comes down to Gina. And being really fucking mad at herself when it comes to everything about Gina. Gina being with someone else, Gina being happy with someone else.

Rosa possibly having once had the power to avoid all of that, if she hadn’t denied her own feelings for so long. For too long.

She’s missed her shot. And it really fucking sucks.

She tells everyone she needs a vacation to clear her head after the Hawkins thing. Really, she just needs a break from everyone and everything familiar to her. A chance to forget. A chance to go somewhere she doesn’t know, and drink until things feel less shit.

She buys a ticket to London, and there’s two Nancy Myers movies on the plane. On one hand, they make her feel better, but they also remind her of Adrian and how much she fucked that up (he had not taken the break up particularly well, but given his disposition, it could have been a lot worse). Also, thinking about romance isn’t ideal at all. She puts on action movies for the rest of it, but avoids Die Hard because it makes her think of the Nine Nine too much.

London, it turns out, is comforting in the sense that it’s big and busy like New York, but also totally unlike New York in its own way too. Best of both - different, but not enough to disorientate.

She checks into her hotel and then heads out to find a bar after dressing up a bit. After playing it rough for so long, she hasn’t had a chance to wear a nice dress in a while, so she tries to find a place that’s a bit classier.

The place she ends up in has nice booths and well dressed patrons that don’t look too boring, so Rosa is counting it all as a plus. She sits at the bar, orders three shots of tequila to start, and downs them instantly. Then she orders a glass of whiskey and nurses it more slowly.

It’s a couple of minutes before another glass of the same is put in front of her.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Rosa says to the bartender.

He just nods towards one of only two corners of the room visible from where Rosa is sitting, and she follows his gaze to the blonde woman sitting in the corner booth and watching her intently.

Rosa eyes for her a moment, finishes her first whiskey without breaking eye contact, and takes the gifted whiskey with her to the stranger’s booth.

“Hey,” Rosa says, nodding before sitting down.

“Hey yourself,” comes the reply, as the really very attractive stranger sips at her extremely colourful drink. She’s got a blonde bob and bangs - or do British people call it a ‘fringe’? - and it’s not a hairstyle Rosa’s particularly cared for before, but somehow this woman makes it look different.

“Thanks for the drink.”

“I’ve got to admit, I wasn’t sure it was going to work,” the woman says, making a face. “This is my first time trying any of this stuff, I don’t really understand all of the social cues.”

“Solid half of all social cues are dumb as hell anyway, don’t worry about it,” Rosa says, shrugging. “Besides, you did it just fine.”

“Did I really?” She looks rather impressed with herself. “Huh.”

They fall into a long, awkward silence. Rosa realises that she is going to have to be the one to advance the conversation by way of personal inquiries. It’s a fairly horrific thought.

“… what’s your name?” she asks, resisting the urge to make a face just from having to get the question out.

“Quill. You?”

“… Rosa.” She’s not sure if Quill has given her first name or her surname, but realistically, she doesn’t really need to know.

“I’ve not met many Americans,” Quill says after a brief silence, voice thoughtful. “I work with one, but she’s overly short and rather irritating. Scared of me, though, which is nice.”

Rosa smirks. “All of my colleagues are scared of me. Even though they’re my friends, too. Still terrified. It’s pretty awesome.”

“Impressive,” Quill replies, lifting an eyebrow. “What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a cop, NYPD. You?”

“Schoolteacher,” Quill says, making a face of extreme distaste. “Unfortunately. Physics. I teach physics. To a bunch of idiotic, obnoxious teenagers.”

“Yeah, teenagers are the worst,” Rosa agrees. “I could never do that.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty shit.” Quill takes a large gulp of her drink. “So, what brings you to this side of the earth, then? I’m assuming the NY is for New York.”

“Duh,” Rosa says, trying to act like she hasn’t tensed up at the thought of what - or rather, who - has driven her here. “And, I dunno. Dumb stuff. Needed a change of scenery. And to not see anyone I know for a while.”

For some reason, Quill finds that strangely amusing, and snorts into her drink. Rosa narrows her eyes at her.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Quill says. “You’re just not a very good liar.”

“Excuse you, I’m an amazing liar,” Rosa growls.

“Prove it.”

Rosa lifts an eyebrow. “Okay. Two truths, one lie. You played before?” Quill shakes her head, but her eyes are intent, serious, and interested. She’s game. Rose normally despises this game, despises telling other people anything about herself. However, she also never backs down from a challenge. “Exactly what it sounds like. I say two truths and a lie. You try to work out which one is the lie.”

Quill quirks an eyebrow, and her lips twitch too. “Alright.”

“Okay.” Rosa takes a moment to consider what she’s going to say. “I was once an accomplished ballerina, and I’m still pretty good at it. I have seven brothers. And my favourite movies are romantic comedies directed by Nancy Myers.”

“Hmm.” Quill sips her drink, regarding Rosa intently. She’s so strangely attractive that Rosa is just enjoying being under her scrutiny, being the object of her attention, which is super weird. Finally, Quill smiles, just a little. “You don’t have seven brothers. I doubt you have any.”

Rosa’s eyebrows lift. “Wow. That's… impressive.”

Quill shrugs. “I’m good at picking liars. Well, with the exception of this one teenager, but that’s a whole different thing, it was one time and I’m still impressed he pulled it off. Also, you’re far too impressive to have grown up surrounded by men.”

Rosa lets out a bark of laughter at that. “Okay. Your turn.”

“Me?” Quill looks surprised. “Oh. Alright.” She thinks it over, and her frown deepens, a strange frustration tinting it. Finally, she smiles, the devious kind of smile that would make a lesser person nervous. “Despite being a physics teacher, I don’t have a teaching or physics degree, or any degree at all. I live with three teenagers that I have no blood relation to. And the school I work at has such a high rate of staff and student mortality that we have a memorial board that takes up an entire wall.”

“How the hell can two of those be true?” Rosa asks, incredulously, narrowing her eyes.

Quill shrugs, still smirking, but the action is almost coy, and she looks very pleased with herself.

Rosa considers her options. The teenager thing, as with the memorial board, is a weird thing to pull out of nowhere for a lie. She’s not sure how Quill could have a job without a degree in this economy, but weirder things have happened.

Quill definitely hates teenagers. But does she purely hate them because of her job, or because she has to live with some? Why would she be living with three teenagers she isn’t related to? She hardly seems the foster mother type.

“Memorial board,” Rosa say, “that’s way too weird.”

“Wrong,” Quill says, smirking. “There are only two teenagers, that I live with.”

Rosa narrows her eyes. A half lie. She isn’t sure why she didn’t consider that technique herself (actually, probably because it involves telling more truth about herself, which is never going to be what she does voluntarily). She lets the annoyance about her defeat go, and instead processes the new information.

“Why the hell do you live with any teenagers?”

“It’s not by choice,” Quill says, a scowl darkening her features. Rosa, luckily, is an expert at knowing when to change the subject when an unfortunate one has come up, and doesn’t waste any time.

“So the school you work at is really that messed up?” Rosa asks, and Quill just nods. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Why do you even work there, then?”

“Again, don’t have a choice.” There’s a strange finality, and distinct lack of hope, in the way she says it. It stops Rosa from inquiring further.

“You’re weird,” Rosa says, and Quill doesn’t seem offended at the words - possibly having heard them many times before - but does look pleasantly surprised a moment later when she looks up and sees the faint smile curling Rosa’s lips.

There’s another stretch of silence between them - comfortable, this time, as they hold each other’s gaze. Quill’s eyes move to the scar on Rosa’s eyebrow.

“How did you get that scar?”

“Tripped over a thing of Lego when I was a kid,” Rosa says honestly, instead of spinning her usual tale of bullshit about something extreme happening to her.

“Damn, I was hoping you got it in battle,” Quill sighs, and Rosa gives her a funny look.

“In battle? Who says that?”

“I do,” Quill says defensively, before looking glumly at her drink. “I used to have scars. They were good scars. I miss them.”

“What, did they fade, or something?”

“Yeah.” Another sigh.

“Did you get yours 'in battle’?” Rosa asks, half mocking, half not.

“Yes. I was a soldier.”

“Oh shit, really? Where?” Rosa is sitting up straighter now, regretting her joking. She has a lot of respect for soldiers, obviously, even if most of the wars being waged right now are beyond pointless.

Quill shakes her head and finishes her drink. “Doesn’t matter. It’s all gone now.” She laughs morosely. “And here I was thinking that going out might make me feel better.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to bum you out,” Rosa says. She feels pretty uncomfortable. This is far too close to feelings stuff for a conversation with someone she’s just met. This lady clearly has issues.

“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t you, not really.” Quill waves her hand dismissively. “On the contrary, you’re the best thing to happen to me all day. I mean, seriously, look at you. You’re gorgeous. You’re a prime example of the fact that this planet actually gets some things right.”

Rosa lifts an eyebrow. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself.” Normally she would leave it there, but something prompts her to express herself further. Probably the desire to potentially get laid. “By which I mean, like, you’re insanely beautiful.”

Quill smiles, properly, for the first time. It’s small, but genuine. “Thank you.” There might even be a faint blush to her cheeks.

They stare at each other for a moment, eyes running over each other, seizing each other up. Rosa is even more aware of how attractive Quill is now, almost uncomfortably so. Quill’s eyes are darker now too, as they linger on Rosa’s face and arms and neck.

Naturally, as is the way of the world, this is when they are interrupted by some obnoxious white man in a suit.

“Hello, ladies,” he says, with a large grin and an accent that isn’t nearly as nice as Quill’s or the fancy kind you hear on shows like Downton Abbey. (Which, yes, Rosa has watched a fair bit of, but no one knows about that and they never will.) “Couldn’t help but notice you two looking a bit lonely over here.”

“Not lonely, not interested, get lost,” Rosa tells him, glowering.

“You’ve deeply misread the situation,” Quill agrees, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Come on, let me buy you both a drink. Me and my friend over there have been admiring you from afar, it only seems fair.”

“Nope, only seems creepy,” Rosa replies. “Told you, not interested.”

“Just one drink-”

“She has rejected you twice now, you idiotic man, are you being deliberately obtuse at this point or are you really actually as stupid as you’re coming across?” Quill asks him, eyes flashing.

“Hey, fuck you-”

“You wish,” Quill retorts, standing up and planting her palms on the table. “Now. I’m going to ask you one more time. Turn around, leave, or I will smash your forehead into this table until it splits open. Are we clear?”

Her voice is hard, aggressive, eyes deadly serious, and the guy finally takes a step back, and gulps.

To ring the point home, Rosa takes out her pocket knife, flicks it open, and twirls it around in her hand, all while keeping eye contact with him and not blinking. She knows for a fact that it’s the fastest way to disconcert someone completely.

“You heard her,” she says. “Scram.”

He turns tail and hurries back to his table.

Quill takes a deep breath to steady herself and looks at Rosa, who is still twirling her knife, just absently, now. Her focus is instead on Quill and how she had just gone from beautiful to insanely hot in the space of ten seconds. Rosa is sure that Quill’s aggression would translate well in… other areas.

Quill’s gaze is intense as it rests on Rosa, and Rosa simply tilts her head and lifts an eyebrow at her, curious to see if she’ll make a move or if she herself will need to do it.

“Do you want to have sex?” Quill asks.

Well, that’s that, then. Anyone who isn’t Rosa might find that far too forward, or at least hesitate, but this is exactly how Rosa wishes everyone would act about this sort of thing. Short. To the point. No bullshit.

Rosa grins a little and finishes her drink in one go. “Hell yes. My hotel is a few blocks away.”

“Perfect,” Quill says, sliding out of the booth, only to look back at Rosa, who hasn’t yet moved. “Well, come on then.”

Rosa, vaguely impressed, chuckles and hurries after her. They leave the bar and head off down the street, walking side by side and not seeming to know quite how they should be behaving with each other now.

They come into the hotel lobby, and stride purposefully towards the elevator. Once inside and once Rosa has punched the number in, she finds herself being pressed against the elevator wall by Quill with a forceful kiss.

It’s fucking fantastic. It’s been too long since she had sex with a woman, or even kissed a woman like this, and usually it’s at least a little bit soft. Which is fine, usually, but right now not what Rosa wants or needs. This is a woman who seems eager to give exactly what Rosa needs more than anything else in the world.

Rosa kisses Quill back, grasping the leather jacket so similar to her own and meeting her lips with equal force until the elevator doors ping open.

“This way,” Rosa says, grabbing Quill by the wrist and dragging her along.

They get into Rosa’s room and Quill tries to pin Rosa to the door the moment that it’s shut, but Rosa pushes her backward into the room, and shoves her onto the bed. Quill blinks at her with surprise. A moment later, a grin curls her lips, hungry and fierce.

Rosa meanwhile slips off her shoes and dress with expert speed until she’s standing there in her underwear. “Your stuff too,” she says to Quill, “or else I’m going to rip it, and I’m not lending you any of my clothes to leave in.”

“God, I knew I liked you,” Quill says, before stripping completely.

Rosa climbs on top of her, kissing her roughly, biting her lip and pushing her tongue against her lips. Quill’s legs wrap around her waist and next thing Rosa knows she’s been flipped, and Quill is on top of her.

“My god, you’re beautiful,” Quill says, before leaning down to kiss and suck along Rosa’s neck, making Rosa arch gladly into her touch.

Of course, Rosa isn’t about letting people get the better of her in the bedroom. In the bedroom, as with most aspects of her life, Rosa is in charge. That’s just how it works. Even someone like Quill is going to have to get with that programme.

Rosa flips them back over at first opportunity, and relishes the look of surprise on Quill’s face. Rosa just smirks and pins Quill’s hands above her head as she kisses her again. She lets her knee press between Quill’s legs, and Quill moans, and it’s one of the best sounds Rosa has ever heard.

Quill makes a few more attempts to switch the power dynamic again, but Rosa doesn’t allow it, and soon enough Quill gives up. Quill might be an obvious badass, but it seems she doesn’t necessarily have a problem with following someone else’s lead.

Besides, Rosa can’t see why she’d have much reason to complain when Rosa’s head is busy finding its way between her legs.

The sex is… fucking amazing. Quill doesn’t take long to tire of Rosa being in charge, and the power struggle that ensues is violent and glorious. Quill also has the most incredible stamina, more than even Rosa could dream of having. Rosa hasn’t enjoyed sex this much in years.

Finally, Rosa collapses into the pillows, spent and satisfied and trying to catch her breath.

“Wow.”

Quill, also with her face half in a pillow, offers her a smirk. “Good?”

“Good would be a huge understatement.”

“For me as well. Can I… sleep here, or do you want me to go?”

Normally, Rosa wouldn’t be comfortable with a stranger sleeping beside her. With being vulnerable like that. But there’s this feeling in her gut, something totally nonsensical, that tells her that it’s Quill that’s vulnerable in this scenario, somehow. And not just because Rosa has a knife under her pillow.

“You can stay, I don’t care,” Rosa says, shrugging.

Quill nods, turns over, and Rosa follows her lead. Time to sleep.

It’s weird, waking up with a soft, feminine body shadowing hers and not Adrian’s hard, masculine form. It’s familiar, though, faintly. She’s been here before, with women, just not in a while.

“Gina?” Rosa mumbles.

“Who’s Gina?”

The question, as well as Quill’s English accent, snaps Rosa out of what she had thought was just another fanciful dream. She feels a pang in her heart as she turns over to see Quill eyeing her curiously.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Why are you apologising?” Quill asks, arching an eyebrow.

Rosa stops, frowns, gives a single shrug. “I dunno. Saying someone else’s name in bed is pretty uncool, I guess.” Of course, Quill really doesn’t seem remotely bothered, which admittedly should probably have been easy to predict.

Sure enough, Quill just shrugs back. “It hardly makes a difference to me. But it makes me wonder who this Gina person is. Let me guess, ex-girlfriend?”

“No,” Rosa replies, sitting up in the bed, holding the covers to her chest. “She’s just…” Rosa swallows her words. She hates talking about herself. About her feelings. Why is she considering this for even a moment?

Quill studies her face. “Oh, I see. Someone you want.”

Rosa sighs. “Yeah. I guess.”

“So what’s stopping you from being with her?” Quill asks.

“I dunno. I guess for ages now I’ve just been-” Rosa swallows, hating herself. Hating talking about the thing she has refused to admit even to herself for so long. “Scared. I was a coward about this for so long and now it’s too late.”

“Why scared?”

“Because it was different to how I’d felt about anyone before,” Rosa says. “It was… stronger. It… it freaked me out, I guess.” Something ugly curls in her gut. “And now she’s with someone else, and she’s happy, she’s so happy it makes me want to be sick!”

She’s thrown a pillow across the room with rage and knocked a lamp off the table. Quill doesn’t so much as blink at the crashing noise it makes when it hits the floor, she just keeps regarding Rosa with interest.

“And?”

Rosa doesn’t know how Quill knows there is more, but she’s riled up enough now that she adds, “And all I can think is that if I’d just acted on this sooner, she wouldn’t be with him, and things would suck so much less.”

“Do you know if she feels the same way about you?”

Rosa wants to say no. But deep down, she knows that Gina loves her too, or at least, she used to. Rosa might be one for denial, but she isn’t blind, and she’s had to very specifically not notice the way Gina would look at her with quiet longing, the way Gina would talk about Adrian with disdain and barely disguised jealousy.

“She did. Dunno if she still does.”

“Then go to her,” Quill says simply, sitting up. “Go to her, and tell her how you feel. She has to know that you’re an option, or she won’t pick you.”

Rosa has a vivid flash of memory of once telling Jake something very similar when he had been pining over Amy. Damn. She’s been foiled by logic again. Why does Quill have to think so much like her?

Her heart hammers in her chest. Can it be this simple?

Of course it can. She’s never been one for making this kind of thing complicated before, why start now? She loves Gina. And that has been terrifying, which is why she had discouraged all of Gina’s tiny advances, but now Rosa realises just how stupid she’s been.

“I’m such an idiot,” Rosa says, shaking her head. “I need to get back to New York.”

“Yes, good, go and get your girl,” Quill says, nodding with approval, before an odd look crosses her face. “I don’t suppose you want to have sex again, before you leave?”

Rosa snorts. “Not gonna lie, I’d feel pretty weird about it, now.”

Quill sighs. “I was worried you might say that.”

“You’re weird.”

“It’s been noted before, yes.”

Rosa shakes her head and heads for the shower, leaving Quill in the bed, and washes quickly before heading back into the bedroom and getting dressed while Quill just watches from where she’s stretched out on the bed like a cat.

“If I’m leaving, you need to leave too, I need to check out, you can’t still be here,” Rosa tells her.

“Urgh,” Quill says, but she gets out of bed and pulls her clothes back on with an admirable efficiency. By the time she’s done that, Rosa is all packed up and they head downstairs.

Once Rosa has checked out, they linger outside Quill’s hotel while Rosa uses her phone to book herself onto the first flight home. Once she’s done that, she puts her phone away and looks at Quill.

“Well, thanks, I guess. For the advice. Not the sex.” Rose makes a face, and then smirks. “Actually, thanks for the sex too. That was dope.”

“Is ‘dope’…. good?” Quill asks, looking completely confused.

Rosa laughs. “Yeah. Super good. Hence the thank you. That and the advice.”

“God, that’s weird to hear,” Quill says, shaking her head. “I can’t remember the last time anyone thanked me for anything.” Her eyes are on the pavement, the toe of her high heel digging into the pavement absently.

“You don’t really have any friends, do you?” Rosa asks, frowning.

Quill laughs a little, rather humorlessly. “What gave it away?”

“Kinda obvious.” Rosa considers what she’s about to do, before deciding to hell with it. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Just give it to me,” Rosa says, and Quill does. “I’m giving you my email. If you ever want someone to-” She pauses to shudder at what she’s about to say. “-talk to, just message me. Don’t expect me to get sappy or anything lame like that, but you’re pretty cool, and I owe you one.”

Quill stares at her with surprise, that strange vulnerability flashing across her face for a moment. “I - thanks. I'll… think about it,” she mutters, with an offhandedness that isn’t quite convincing.

“Seriously,” Rosa says, holding her gaze. “Thank you.”

Quill swallows. “You’re welcome, Rosa.”

“I don’t know why, but it feels super weird when you call me that. Probably because I still don’t know you that well. Call me Diaz,” Rosa replies, with a small smile, holding out her hand. To her surprise, Quill smiles too, and clasps her arm.

“Best of luck to you, Diaz.”

“Rosa! Where have have you been, girl? Jake said something about you going to London? Why are you already back?”

Rosa’s heart lurches the moment she hears Gina’s voice after arriving back at the 99th Precinct. Other than Holt, whose greeting had been brief, everyone else seems to be out working on cases, or at least not in the bullpen.

“Gina, hey,” Rosa says.

“Hey yourself.”

“Everyone seems to be like, out, or something,” Rosa says, uncomfortably. “Why don’t you tell me what I missed while I was gone?”

“You were gone, like, two days.”

“So? Loads of stuff can happen in two days. And we haven’t talked properly in ages.”

Gina eyes her curiously, before shrugging. “True that. And, of course, we all know that keeping everyone up to date on office gossip is my real job here, the secretary thing is such a drag.”

They head into the break room and sit at the table once Rosa has made coffee. Gina talks all the while, about Jake and Amy being sickening cute, Scully and Hitchcock being gross as per usual, Charles being… Charles. She spends a good minute or two talking about Terry’s new workout routine.

“What about you?” Rosa asks reluctantly. “How’s things with Milton? And the baby?”

Gina gets a strange look on her face. “I haven’t worked out how to tell anyone about that yet.”

“About what?”

Gina shrugs. “I mean, it’s not that big a deal, I guess, I just don’t know how Amy and the others are going to get about it. Especially Charles.”

“About what?”

“Milton and I are just friends, now,” Gina says eventually. “It was fun and stuff, but we decided it worked better. We’re awesome co-parents anyway, like the dad, mom, and kid emoji. I’m happy, like weirdly happy with things now, but I don’t think Charles is gonna get it.”

“Oh,” Rosa says, because she isn’t sure what else to say. “That’s-”

“Surprising? Disappointing?” Gina asks. “Maybe to you guys, but-”

Rosa shakes her head, trying to make sure her face doesn’t get any weird ideas about smiling idiotically with the news she has just received, because suddenly she has proper hope. “Not disappointing. Not to me, anyway. As long as you’re happy, who cares what anyone else thinks? People are stupid.”

“Right,” Gina says, nodding, but there’s a tiny hint of suspicion in her gaze. “Okay, Rosa, your turn. Why’d you go to London?”

“Needed a break.”

Gina narrows her eyes, does that dangerous little head tilt. “Not good enough. Why’d you really go?”

Rosa lets out a long sigh, and gathers up all the courage she’s failed to have so far. “Because,” she says, through gritted teeth. “I was being a coward.”

“About what?”

“About… my feelings.” Rosa says the word like it’s poisonous, making a disgusted face.

Gina’s expression is reserved as she watches Rosa with a rare solemnity. “Feelings about what?”

Rosa holds her gaze. “I think you know what.”

“I want you to say it.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“Then you’re still being a coward, Rosa,” Gina says, getting up from the table emphatically, looking at her with disappointment and shaking her head. “And I am done waiting or hoping for you to get over this whole thing you have going here! I have better things to do, like tweeting my way into a threesome with at least two of Rihanna’s hot male backup dancers.”

“Wait, Gina,” Rosa protests.

“What?” Gina asks, with exasperation, pain flashing through her eyes. She looks tired. So tired. “This is it, Rosa, okay? You either say something, right now, or that’s it. Because if I’ve become sure of anything by being with Milton, it’s that I am an exquisite creature of indefinable worth, like Ariana Grande. And I deserve better than this.”

“I know,” Rosa says, voice thick. “I’m sorry.”

They stand there, staring at each other, and Rosa can’t do it, and Gina just sighs and turns to leave, and Rosa’s heart pounds because her last chance is about to walk out of the door.

So she does the only thing she can.

She grabs Gina, pulls her in, and kisses her, hard.

Gina lets out a little noise of surprise, but then a tiny moan escapes her as she starts kissing Rosa back. Rosa clutches at Gina as tightly as she can, because finally she’s kissing Gina, like she’s imagined doing so many times. She feels warm and complete and like she isn’t a failure anymore. And Gina is so eager, pressing herself against Rosa’s body as her hands hold Rosa’s face and her lips seek out Rosa’s greedily.

“Oh!”

The voice makes them both jump apart, only to see Holt standing in the doorway of the breakroom, with an astounded Jake and Amy just behind him.

“Whaaaaaaaat?!” Jake exclaims, a look of confused delight on his face.

“Gina and Rosa, kissing,” Amy says, sounding rather dazed, the expression on her face the kind that anyone that isn’t her would wear while trying to work out a particularly difficult math problem. “Rosa… and Gina…”

Holt, meanwhile, has an odd little smirk on the corner of his lips. Of course - his gaydar must be pretty decent, he might have picked up on all of this ages ago. Or else, he and Gina are close enough that she might have just confided in him.

“So, I guess we have some explaining to do, huh,” Rosa says, glancing at Gina, who gives the others a sheepish grin.

“Man, I wish I could express the shrug emoji in real life, right now,” Gina complains, making several of the others look at her with utter disbelief.

“You can, it’s called shrugging,” Amy says, bewildered.

“It’s not the same, Ames, god, why are you so beneath me when it comes to any kind of basic understanding?” Gina asks, shaking her head.

Rosa can only roll her eyes with reluctant fondness.

“So, what was it about London that made you come running back here?”

Rosa and Gina are stretched out on Gina’s bed, having stopped for breath after having been kissing and getting extremely handsy with one another for at least half an hour. (It’s been awesome.)

Rosa takes another deep breath, knowing she can’t get out of this. And that sex is almost definitely out of the question until she owns her dumb feelings and gives Gina the confirmation she’d denied her when she’d chickened out and gone for the more direct, physical approach.

“Honestly?” Rosa asks.

“No, I want you to lie to me some more,” Gina says, giving her a weird look. “Yes, honestly.”

“Went to London to try and forget about you. And how I felt about you. You know. Drink my feelings, all of that crap,” Rosa says, shrugging. “Then I met someone. A woman.” She smirks. “A weird, hot woman.”

Gina lifts an eyebrow. “Okaaay. And?”

“And we had sex,” Rosa says bluntly. “Like, seriously amazing sex. She was crazy strong, and weird, and honestly one of the hottest women I’ve ever met.”

“Wow, super romantic story, Rosa, you telling me about having sex with some crazy English Amazon,” Gina replies dryly.

“Shut up, there’s a point, okay?” Rosa says, rolling her eyes. “Point is, I kinda maybe said your name in my sleep. As I woke up. She wanted to know who 'Gina’ was, and I guess I told her. Not sure why. She was just a lot like me, so it didn’t feel too gross. And then she told me that I had to come back here and tell you how I felt. Her logic felt like my logic. So that’s exactly what I did.”

“Okay, so, you went to the other side of the world, hooked up with some super hot weirdo who helped you realise you couldn’t run from your feelings for me, and came back here to confess your love?”

Rosa shrugs. “Pretty much, yeah.”

Gina considers this, and then grins. “Well, damn, that’s a pretty awesome story. Nice one.” She holds up her hand for a hi five, and Rosa grins back at her before slapping their hands together. Rosa uses the connection to yank Gina in by her hand, and Gina happily kisses her, moving to straddle her hips.

“Does this mean we can have sex now?” Rosa asks.

“Obviously,” Gina replies, smirking. “But first, I want to hear more about the hot weirdo. Because you, and a hot Amazon lady who acts like you? That is a sweet, sweet mental image that I need more of.”

Rosa laughs.

Rosa receives an email two days later from a quilljustquill@gmail.com. It’s brief and to the point, with zero introduction, just like Quill in person.

How did things go with your girl?

Rosa smirks and types out a quick reply.

I now have a ridiculous, awesome girlfriend. Thanks.

The reply that comes makes Rosa snort a little. You’re very welcome. Now, please, tell me some interesting stories about your work so that I can resist the urge to break an obnoxious teenager’s hand and fingers.

And so begins a strange, fruitful, long distance friendship.

[comicteaparty]

May 2nd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 2nd, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Moonlight Apparition by Janaka Davis (Darkhalo4321).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Moonlight Apparition by Janaka Davis (Darkhalo4321)~! (http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Kabocha

Hello~! Yay Dark! :D Honestly -- my favorite scene is probably the scene where Ker starts teaching Jason a smidge more nicely, rather than just being a jerk about things. I feel like we're starting to get past his gruff exterior a bit... Wonder why he's such a grump? http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2572727/6-4/ Also, his witch eye is super badass, and I am really curious to learn more about it, bleeding and all.

Sarai

I'd have to say near the beginning, when Jason defeats the....thing (i forget what it was called exactly i'm so sorry ) by calmly sending it on its way instead of defeating it with violence

SpazztastiKim

When Robbie jumps on the well. Because it's hysterical. (I am a simple creature)

Darkhalo4321

a shade monster

Sarai

SHADE MONSTER thank you

i need to reread

Darkhalo4321

It likes to throw shade

Kabocha

So, it's a shade monster -- you mean it's just telling Jason all the failings of his friends right there?

Darkhalo4321

probably

SpazztastiKim

nerds...

Darkhalo4321

toby has an expired library boooook

Respheal

Made it o/

Darkhalo4321

yey

SpazztastiKim

Toby no

Sarai

TOBY NOOOOOO

Kabocha

"Yeah, you think it's real good idea to go jumping on well covers... Just you wait, one of you guys is gonna fall through and I'm gonna laugh my ass off."

Sarai

the worst crime of them all

Respheal

Oh yeah I liked the early scene too

RebelVampire

and here i thought toby was the one we could trust

Respheal

Robbie's antics at that point make me laugh

-kick- oh shit

SpazztastiKim

Robbie no

Letter Bee

My favorite scene is when Jason protected Lark.

Sarai

The first scene introduced me into what genre this story was and the monsters these good kiddos would face, but how jason handled it made me realize what kind of story it would be

Kabocha

Discord blocked my doodle....

SpazztastiKim

rude

Respheal

Rude!

Darkhalo4321

nuuu

discord play nice

Kabocha

[image: Shade monster: You guys think you're hot shit, eh? Too bad Sunny-boy isn't here to enlighten you! Jason: stop](edited)

SpazztastiKim

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Darkhalo4321

meanwhile Lark sneezing off screen not wanting to be involved

crimsonangeltears

haha (and hello I made it )

RebelVampire

my favorite scene is the one where antonio fights the spying hunters and is basically like "im cooler than you now gtfo my property"

Darkhalo4321

yay! thank you! ovo/

SpazztastiKim

that is a GREAT scene

Darkhalo4321

that was probably my favorite scene to draw

Sarai

HOW COULD I FORGET THAT ONE

Respheal

Antonio: Get off my lawn!(edited)

SpazztastiKim

basically

Sarai

his SMILE as he makes his weapon appear

SpazztastiKim

all he's missing is a cane to wave around threateningly

Darkhalo4321

he's not THAT old yet-

SpazztastiKim

lol

Sarai

the face of a man who hasn't been in a fight for a long time and is looking FORWARD to it

SpazztastiKim

ya'll f-ed up

Darkhalo4321

>:3c

RebelVampire

hey you dont need to be old for a cane. you can get one for the aesthetic.

also it can be used for blunt force trauma

Sarai

and for beating people!

see Rebel gets me

Darkhalo4321

XD

Sarai

using canes is a Legit martial art form you know

Kabocha

The only thing that hurts worse than getting cut by Antonio would be the emotional wounds he can inflict.

Darkhalo4321

>_O ooof yeah.

Sarai

or the emotional wounds you'd get just from the fact that you forced him to hit you

RebelVampire

wait if the shade monsters throw shade, is this how antonio fought them? he just learned to throw even more intense shade?

Kabocha

Not only can he kick your ass, but he will make you feel bad about making him kick your ass.

Darkhalo4321

I mean ... look at how well Crow does later on

SpazztastiKim

hmm

might not be the BEST example X'D

Darkhalo4321

:0

I love crow

SpazztastiKim

(yes, I'm teasing crow shhhh)

Kabocha

Honestly, looking at this scene, Crow is lucky that Antonio didn't just maim him right there.

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2290462/4-11/

SpazztastiKim

truth

crimsonangeltears

I really liked when Jason sparred with Toby, it's still one of my favs

Sarai

kabo coming in clutch with those links

Darkhalo4321

I imagine 40 tabs open on kabos computer

Sarai

when Jason rolled with his niece to keep her safe

Darkhalo4321

this was such a fun page to draw :D

Respheal

Later that week, Antonio looks at his socks and has a moment of "like the old days" and "dammit we're out of bleach"

grass staaaaaaaaaains

Darkhalo4321

just make ker do the laundry

SpazztastiKim

HA

RebelVampire

jason sparring with toby was cute but also made me more curious about toby. like jason makes sense for why hes have secret fight knowledge, but why did toby feel compelled to learn.

Sarai

((then he'd get sad because that would be the moment Adelaide would tell him "use vinegar and water))

RebelVampire

i feel if ker did the laundry hed mix bleach with all the chemicals youre not supposed to mix bleach with

fill the house with poison

Sarai

KER NO

KER THAT'S THE ONE THING YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO

crimsonangeltears

I just figured that was an activity toby learned when he was younger. my hubby did taekwon do as a kid (did I spell that right xD)

Darkhalo4321

Probably mixes his red socks with his white shirts...

SpazztastiKim

Piiink

RebelVampire

ker would look dashing in pink probably

SpazztastiKim

Totally

Darkhalo4321

It's really blue'd up, but in the scene after the contact with lark, his shirt is more on the magenta/pink side.

Sarai

a nice pink button-up with a navy blue tie? Very nice

Kabocha

[Image: Antonio saying, "Hey Ker, did you see that chore list I left for ya, eh?"]

Darkhalo4321

just a guy, making dinner... I'm sure...

Sarai

hey my dad makes tacos and cuts fruit with his bowie knife, I'm sure Antonio would do the same

OH NO XD

Darkhalo4321

insert Jason handing Ker some form of cross because- he gon' need it for the grave

better find a saint to save ya

Kabocha

You know, Ker sure mouths off a lot to Antonio... I can't wait to see some form of terror pop up at some point. XD

Sarai

St Jude? XD

(patron of lost causes)

Darkhalo4321

OH NO, that's PERFECT FOR KER

RebelVampire

it turns out we were the shade monsters all along.

Kabocha

Dark -- serious question though. This... Terraphate massacre mentioned in chapter 4... How many people were killed?! http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2300366/4-14/

Tenor | Shinavar

“1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?” Lark's introduction because he's my baby anD HE'S DOING SO WELL I'M SO PROUD. :DD (Also I just deeply enjoy like, a lot?? of?? he scenes but Lark's intro had me immediatly adopt him so- )

Darkhalo4321

more than 7

SpazztastiKim

Oof

Respheal

Lark is very intriguing

Darkhalo4321

it was more of a serial murder case

Kabocha

Lark's a troubled sunshine child

Respheal

sunshine

Tenor | Shinavar

(Also HI EVERYONE + I will be limited in typing, bound to my left had today )

RebelVampire

ah so one of those massacres where they pulled out a thesaurus to make it sound cooler

Sarai

OH i get the "more than 7" reference now

Kabocha

Wait, more than 7 reference?

Darkhalo4321

more than 7 killed

Kabocha

also, you know... if it's a small number like that... Sounds like ................................... A conspiracy.

Sarai

Boston "massacre" had only 7 people killed

((or was it 5 oh no i'm getting rusty))

crimsonangeltears

But was it random or a set group of people at the same time? hmm

Kabocha

o_o I have no idea

Darkhalo4321

it was across town- but like...yanno.... it happened all on the same night so... suspicious still

Kabocha

MAGICAL MASSACRE!

crimsonangeltears

Ohhh

Darkhalo4321

Culprit was apprehended- or were they? dun dun dun >:#c

Kabocha

Theory: all the people killed were Apparition users

RebelVampire

how big is the town?

Kabocha

And that's how Jason got his magic

Darkhalo4321

Uhm... I'd estimate around the 12-17k range. ish

Kabocha

It is literally murder magic

Darkhalo4321

big enough to have a hospital at.

Sarai

oh

Darkhalo4321

but like Bandon Oregon has a hospital, so like. Eh, if there's a need people will have a hospital.

SpazztastiKim

Cause you know... death is a thing

Darkhalo4321

I did try thinking in terms of "would a city of this size have this or this?" and did some comparisons for research

Kabocha

@Tenor | Shinavar [Image: Lark -- "This boy needs to be happy" Ker -- "This one needs to get over his grudge"](edited)

Darkhalo4321

he's an AXE Murderer

Sarai

oh come on we haven't seen him kill anybody yet

Kabocha

you know, honestly, the first time I saw Ker and Lark interacting, I could have sworn that Lark was like, some trickster asshole. And that he'd done something awful to Ker to make him THAT angry and grumpy.

RebelVampire

ya know i was going to say that is a bigger town than i thought itd be but then i looked up comparable towns near me and have now changes my thoughts that 12k is a tiny town

crimsonangeltears

xD

Kabocha

Maybe he ran into Ker one morning, on the way in to town, and made Ker spill coffee all over his nice, clean shirt.

Respheal

UM

crimsonangeltears

LOOK OUT

Darkhalo4321

It's big- but small. Big enough to have a few draws- but not BIG enough for some stuff.

Respheal

Wow I sure as heck don't remember seeing that lmao

RebelVampire

I thought it was only me who got that impression

Sarai

The town i grew up in is 32k - 12k is TINY XD

Kabocha

30k isn't that small...

Darkhalo4321

See- Roseburg is like 26k population- and I was doing a sized down version of THAT

Kabocha

....I mean, the town I grew up in had that many people, and it was kinda busy but we only had like, 3 blocks... ...of actual city...

Darkhalo4321

you wouldn't believe it but BEND Oregon is now... like 80K

crimsonangeltears

I think in terms of crime it really depends on many factors and the type of crime. Where I come from we have a lot of people technically, but when I was younger certain...crime that happened was not exactly heard of for our location..

We've had three serial killers now and it still isn't something that would have normally happened..

Tenor | Shinavar

12k ain't big but it ain't small. Town next to me is 4k.

Darkhalo4321

lark probably did piss off ker, we just don't know what he did yet

Kabocha

Also worth considering: When we were younger, the news didn't like to cover small towns all that much.(edited)

Sarai

my town was super small up until a few years before I was born, so it really isn't that city-like

Tenor | Shinavar

"Younger"

Kabo: u funny

Kabocha

Ey, remember, only 20 years ago, the internet was thought of as a fad

Tenor | Shinavar

Oh I'm refrencing something else, no worrie slol

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Of course, our main protagonist Jason is drenched in mysteries. How exactly do you think Jason’s mother was murdered, and why did the event cause so many changes in the world? Why doesn’t Jason’s dad want to explain the event to him? Who exactly sealed Jason’s memories and for what purpose? Additionally, why are the memories now starting to unravel after all this time? Overall, do you think Jason will learn to control his powers? Does he have a contract as Ker suggests might be possible, or will he have to make one to protect himself? Even if Jason gains control of his powers, how will that change his course in life? Lastly, how will Jason’s experiences with Phates in the future affect his choices?

Respheal

“ How exactly do you think Jason’s mother was murdered”

Horribly

Kabocha

She was stabbed.

Tenor | Shinavar

Dibs on eaten

Respheal

omg

RebelVampire

you know whatever you guys suggest im gonna assume its just all of it

Darkhalo4321

sobs

TENOR

RebelVampire

so stabbed, maybe burned, then eaten

Tenor | Shinavar

What? I'd go into a complete amnesiac trauma experience seeing my mom get eaten in front of me

Kabocha

hold on I have an awful idea

Letter Bee

I feel that the Leader of the Hunters slashed Adelaide to death as part of a plan to demoralize Antonio and keep him from fighting the corruption in the Hunters.

Respheal

And if you're very lucky, in that order?

Sarai

It definately involved Jason somehow, but I don't think he was directly responsible

Tenor | Shinavar

If Jason was responsible I'm chalking it up to "Phrophetic" reasons and mom tried to protect him

Respheal

Jason was a witness at the very least, for sure

Letter Bee

And the Leader of the Hunters also cursed Jason as a further hold on Antonio.

Darkhalo4321

:0

Jason has a hard life

Kabocha

[Image: Crossover joke](edited)

Sarai

DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS KABO

Respheal

WHAT

Darkhalo4321

but her hair was LONG

Respheal

LMAO

Okay okay okay geez uh(edited)

crimsonangeltears

I think she was slashed, not exactly just stabbed? Jason witnessed it so his memories were sealed to protect him from that trauma, but I think that if he remembers who it is, it will put him in Danger. (my guess..)

Respheal

Well, we really don't have any clues as to who did it or why

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2341615/4-23/ I've always wondered if Adalaide is the "she" Lark is talking about.

Is she really dead?

Sarai

i think it was caused by something magic-y he wasn't supposed to see/know about

Kabocha

Is she really? Like, dude, maybe she's not dead, but... Disappeared.

And Lark and Jason share a sort of bond because of it (brothers, maybe???)

Tenor | Shinavar

/Insert Brother Bear Meme for Lark + Adalaide?

crimsonangeltears

If it's disney rules...

Darkhalo4321

Sometimes I can STILL hear his voice

RebelVampire

i support this head canon just so lark and jason can be brothers

Sarai

please don't start another twin theory here

Darkhalo4321

:>

Kabocha

They can't be twins, Lark's older. But maybe Adalaide had a secret child with someone.

crimsonangeltears

I love twins...but I'd have to agree xD

Tenor | Shinavar

Fine I'll up a twin Theory: They're the same person split.

crimsonangeltears

No thank you..

Darkhalo4321

jason just didn't leave for a year. nbd

Respheal

Ooh

Kabocha

Two halves of a whole?

Tenor | Shinavar

Ye

Respheal

Actually, y'know what

Kabocha

Lark is the memories, Jason is the power?

Darkhalo4321

a yin or yang theory

Respheal

I see your twin theory and raise you Lark and Robbie are related(edited)

dat curly hair

Kabocha

omg

Tenor | Shinavar

...

Darkhalo4321

oooo

Tenor | Shinavar

Support

You'd never see it coming their personalities are so different :D

Darkhalo4321

they are the same age too

crimsonangeltears

OR...they are related but time travel or au is involved

Kabocha

!!!!

Darkhalo4321

Robbie is the rogue path

Kabocha

A doppelganger from the phate side of the world?

(Lark, that is)

Darkhalo4321

:0

Kabocha

I mean, Lark is a bird, and Oregon is home to Portland, and if y'all haven't seen Portlandia

crimsonangeltears

OR he's a robot that thinks he's not and he was given fake memories

Kabocha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHmLljk2t8M

Darkhalo4321

Oh nooo

So a doll hm?

Respheal

Oh yeah, regarding the contract part of the question

There was that trippy dream Jason had

Where he looked kinda....corrupted? And someone gave him a cross

I dunno, the timing of that seemed kind of contracty to me

Ah ha, this bit: http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2637351/6-18/(edited)

Kabocha

Who's the other person there?

Respheal

We don't know O:

I think

RebelVampire

in regards to the contract thing, im gonna point out it was suspicious metaphysical contracts were brought up, nobody knows how they work, and it potentially kills ppl

SpazztastiKim

MYSTERY

Darkhalo4321

I mean

Kabocha

Well, people, there's two, but I figure the guy's probably someone like Ker

crimsonangeltears

you'd have to be pretty desperate to agree to it then?

Darkhalo4321

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

SpazztastiKim

Halo boo

Darkhalo4321

- adviec from Ker... probably

Kabocha

.........That's how he got those scars.

RebelVampire

that does sound like ker advice

Kabocha

"I'm clearly not dead, so it's okay!"

Darkhalo4321

seems legit

Respheal

Oh derp hi like right in the next page from that it shows Jason dreaming about his mom getting slashed(edited)

Darkhalo4321

his dreams suck

Kabocha

Ker sure isn't the prettiest face you'll see for a motivational spokesperson, but he sure is the one that'll make you say "YIKES"

Darkhalo4321

I did have a lot of fun with that dream sequence. I both loved it and regretted it instantly.

Kabocha

Oh?

SpazztastiKim

The true suffering

Kabocha

It's interesting that Jason sees himself as cursed in the dream, though.

RebelVampire

maybe the dream sequence is how jason made a contract to try and save his mom but between that and her dying it was too overwhelming

Kabocha

Unless the curse just sits on top of any self-representational form of himself in his dreams.

SpazztastiKim

oof

Darkhalo4321

ooof indeedly

It's like it's becoming more and more clearer?

Respheal

Ker observed the curse triggers when Jason's thinking about his mom (or, I guess, what happened to his mom), and he was dreaming about his mom at the time

Darkhalo4321

I believe he does make that inference

(is inference the right word?)

Kabocha

Yeah, I think so

But Dark knows all the answers so clearly can't tell us THE TRUTH

Darkhalo4321

yes it is I feel smart

Respheal

The truth is out there

Kabocha

Okay, more seriously though

Darkhalo4321

I c o u l d

Kabocha

I'm not sure Ker wasn't involved in the murder.

Respheal

Nahh

Kabocha

I dunno.

SpazztastiKim

no... :C

Darkhalo4321

he did skip town

Respheal

Antonio would kill Ker if he was 8V

SpazztastiKim

NOOOO

RebelVampire

yeah i agree with res

ker would not be alive right now

or staying in the house

Darkhalo4321

but antonio needs SOMEONE to clean the bathrooms

SpazztastiKim

pffft

Kabocha

Ker probably can't take antonio, honestly

RebelVampire

ker doesnt need to live in the house for that. get a dog house and make ker sleep outside

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2455383/2-9-5/ I feel like Antonio might have suspected Ker's involvement, intentional or not, at one point tho

and clearly Ker has no problems killing rogue apparitions

okay yes he does, but only because Lark's a kid

RebelVampire

i got more the impression that antonio called ker cause he thought ker would actually give him straight answers about certain things going on that he wasnt made privy too. versus necessarily think ker was directly involved

Kabocha

Hm, true.

RebelVampire

ker secretly has lark's bday marked on a calendar so the minute lark turns 18 he can kill lerk with no qualms cause lark is an adult

Kabocha

Okay, revision to the theory then. Ker may have known who was sent out that night to deal with the new Moonlight Apparition. Ker may not have known why someone was sent out, or to where they were sent... But had info, somehow. and then... When he realized what happened, he couldn't face Antonio for 5 years.

SpazztastiKim

ouch...

RebelVampire

that sounds more like ker

at the very least i dont buy ker saying "i vaguely remember"

that is a conversation you would remember XD

Kabocha

Ker probably doesn't want to remember.

Darkhalo4321

Maybe he made himself forget?(edited)

Kabocha

Unless Ker was secretly in some sort of love/hate relationship with Adalaide, and then was in a state of shock when he heard she'd died. (Although it really seems more hate/hate)

RebelVampire

ker got himself one of those jason curses

Kabocha

(so, yanno, no unrequited love shenanigans there, but we can dream)

Respheal

Well, there is memory magic

Kabocha

...Is Ker a puppet?

Is that what you're getting at Res

Respheal

I mean, Dark saying Ker may have made himself forget

Kabocha

Was Ker made to forget so he could easily carry out orders, and being near Antonio is bad news bc it jogs his memory

Respheal

I'm just saying there's a way to do that

Kabocha

shhh

don't stop me from making up crazy conspiracy theories!

Respheal

Although here's a question: Why only Adelaide?

Jason was there

Kabocha

Because Antonio.

Darkhalo4321

Why only jason?

Respheal

I mean like, if Jason was there, why wasn't he killed too?

Sarai

Jason's dream/memory of the event cuts off right at the moment he's threatened by him mom's killer(edited)

Respheal

Instead, he just got the curse on him

RebelVampire

im assuming either they didnt get a chance to get at jason cause he did apparition things or because adelaide was super duper special and therefore had to die(edited)

Respheal

.....What if someone's using Jason

Kabocha

I feel like the killer was interrupted before he could finish the job.

Oh no...

Respheal

Someone needed him alive? :3c

RebelVampire

if i had to pick someone to blame for the murders im gonna pick belial cause belial is one suspicious mofo

Respheal

^

Kabocha

Also his magic and eyes are purple.

Darkhalo4321

Puuuurple

A royal color

Kabocha

I know that logic doesn't make much sense when stated out loud like that, but -- I figure an easy visual hint someone would use (or well, a way to distinguish who cast what) is to tie the magic color back to the magic user.

...UNLESS Purple is just a cursed color.

In which case, Belial is toxic.

Respheal

And if you're going to code someone as having "evil magic", you use red or purple

Kabocha

Or green

Respheal

The danger colors

Darkhalo4321

green is my favorite color. It will never be toxic to meeee

SpazztastiKim

totally toxic

Sarai

but purple IS the color of Jason's curse

Darkhalo4321

:0

SpazztastiKim

purple IS cursed because that's my favorite color

Kabocha

...So, I guess we need to find out if Belial also knows how to use a sword.

crimsonangeltears

It is also my favorite color! But cursed...? I never thought about it.

Kabocha

TBH it's weird that the hunters are working with him or his brother at all.

Respheal

He seems like the type

SpazztastiKim

possibly

Kabocha

I dunno, Belial seems more the type to use a magic sword and use it for blood magic.

....wait

Would that be why the murders happened?

Darkhalo4321

His brother now... thats a fun character >:3c

Kabocha

Some sort of horrific ritual involving the town?

We haven't seen other places enough to know if this is an oddly concentrated population of magic shit.

But... I wonder.

Respheal

Real quick before the next question: re: how powers will affect Jason's life: Hope you weren't plannin' on college, kiddo. Super powers and college don't mix well

RebelVampire

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2637354/6-20/ maybe not jason because i was looking at this page again and the writing that can be read is saying wake up. and while you could argue its a subconscious thing telling jason to wake up from the dream, you could also interpret it as something he heard cause the murderer wanted jason's apparition powers to awaken.

Kabocha

Hmmm...

RebelVampire

super powered jason cant be any worse at college than the thought of robbie at college XD

Respheal

TRUE

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Besides the characters, there seems to be a lot going on in regards to the world. Who do you think Jason can trust: the Hunters or Lark? For what reason do you pick that side? Why do you think the other side can’t be trusted? Overall, do you agree with the Hunters’ stance that Phates should be kept secret? In contrast, do you sympathize with Lark’s goals? What crime do you think he’s being hunted for, and why is it secret? Also, what do you think happened to the people Lark is looking for? Finally, what do you think is going on with the Behem Realm in regards to the corruption and can it be fixed? What role might Jason have in regards to that?

Sarai

I DON'T KNOW OK

Kabocha

Honestly? I think Lark's the more trustworthy. The more I talk this out with made-up theories, the less I am really trusting the hunters.

Sarai

this whole situation with hidden information and magican shenanagins is stressing me out

crimsonangeltears

I will say Lark because that sweet child would never hurt my beloved Jason.

Kabocha

I'm sorry, Crow, you poor child, I really can't trust you until you get an anger management class.

SpazztastiKim

-snorts-

trust no one

RebelVampire

jason shouldnt trust anyone. that is the answer. dont trust ppl who have secrets

Respheal

I tend to think both sides are right and wrong :V The Hunters probably didn't explain things well and are probably doing some shady stuff, but Lark proooooobably reacted poorly and got himself in too deep

Also yes

Trust no one lol

SpazztastiKim

@RebelVampire gets it

Sarai

I don't think phates should be kept secret from the general population

Kabocha

Wait.

WAIT

If there are no secrets...

Then the only person we can trust is Robbie.

Respheal

Lark seems to have good intentions, but probably doesn't have the full story

.......lol

SpazztastiKim

@Respheal gets it too yes

Kabocha

I'm sorry, it's TRUE though.

SpazztastiKim

DON'T TRUST ROBBIE ARE YOU NUTS!?

Respheal

It is true and it hurts

Darkhalo4321

robbie is NOT the person you should trust

RebelVampire

robbie is the murderer confirmed

Respheal

because he's Lark's brother

Kabocha

Y'all are saying don't trust people with secrets, and where does that leave us? EVERYONE but Robbie has secrets.

Darkhalo4321

Toby

SpazztastiKim

hmmmmmmm

Darkhalo4321

Toby is a good kid- no secrets

Sarai

with a fire cracker? absolutely not but with the TRUTH????

Darkhalo4321

y e t

Sarai

YES

RebelVampire

im gonna trust antonio. antonio is just a great dad, great businessman, and great taker carer of ker

SpazztastiKim

I trust no one. not even myself... ESPECIALLY myself

Darkhalo4321

-robbie

Respheal

But even Antonio's keepin' secrets :(

Kabocha

If we're going to trust Antonio, it's only because if I don't, he'll kill me if I walk in his yard.

Respheal

Presumably for good (or so he thinks) reason, but....

Darkhalo4321

I'm sure he HAS his reasons

SpazztastiKim

just because there are reasons doesn't mean they're GOOD reasons

Kabocha

Antonio's a parent. Jason is a teenager. In most stories, you can't trust the parents because they're keeping grown-up secrets from their kids.

SpazztastiKim

heh

hehehe

Kabocha

Like, the truth about that college you really wanna go to... It's not happening. I'm sorry. MIT doesn't offer a full ride, Jason. ...Or does it now

anyway point is

You can't even trust JASON

Darkhalo4321

jason sucks at math, what makes you thik he'd get into MIT XD

Kabocha

because he's keeping secrets!

Darkhalo4321

He IS! How RUDE

Kabocha

The one secret I wanna know is how he gets his hair to stand up like that

Darkhalo4321

Ghibli effect

SpazztastiKim

pfft

Darkhalo4321

The wind styles it FOR him

SpazztastiKim

antigravity hair gel

Respheal

He hangs upside down for an hour every morning (actually no this is more of a Robbie thing)(edited)

Kabocha

Jason's never at 100% power because he's using 10% of it to do his hair.

Sarai

maybe he showers before bed and just

lets it dry however it wants

Darkhalo4321

he needs to get it cut. chop chop chop

bye bye fluff

Sarai

no!

crimsonangeltears

So birds don't style his hair?

Kabocha

And then he'll look like a tiny Antonio

Darkhalo4321

he's a regular snow white that kid

RebelVampire

no i already weeped when robbie cut his hair

Kabocha

Crim, are you suggesting that Jason's a disney princess?

Darkhalo4321

wait until he cuts it SHORTER

Kabocha

... Let's count the qualifications

RebelVampire

there needs to be like 1000% more floof for everyone's hair

Respheal

You mean he's not?

Kabocha

He has a bird friend He has a dead mom But can he SING?

Sarai

when jason cuts his hair will he do it in a comb-over(edited)

Darkhalo4321

ACTUALLY

he can sing very well

oh no- I made a disney princess

Respheal

Disney princess confirmed

Darkhalo4321

He's like BELLE because... he loves reading though!

he doesh't get trapped in a castle. but. like...

SpazztastiKim

nerd

Kabocha

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere~

Darkhalo4321

but not this apparition haaaair

RebelVampire

idk jason isnt really singing about he wants more than his provincial life

Kabocha

Jason, when Robbie comes by. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INDnS3vIKCU

SpazztastiKim

He's more like... Tiana

Darkhalo4321

Oh because... restaurant, right?

SpazztastiKim

and hard worker... stubborn.... oblivious

Darkhalo4321

robbie probably DID ask Jason to marry him HONESTLY

SpazztastiKim

three times at the very least(edited)

crimsonangeltears

But wait....maybe he's hercules since Ker is training him??

Darkhalo4321

he DID propose to like... 5 nurses

SpazztastiKim

tru

Darkhalo4321

I can GO THE DISTANCE

RebelVampire

i wonder what robbie wouldve done if one of the nurses said yes

Kabocha

I'm into the Hercules version of Jason. If only because it means Cathy and Melodie are probably muses

SpazztastiKim

HA

Darkhalo4321

Heck yeah!

Melodie has the moves for that!

SpazztastiKim

TRUTH

Kabocha

Welp.

Darkhalo4321

So The Behem realm

crimsonangeltears

Will there be a musical chapter?

RebelVampire

its probably fine. corruption always fixes itself O_O

Darkhalo4321

how would I comic that?... a musical chapter? When the anime happens, I'll have one made!

Kabocha

I still can't help but think that Crow's some sort of shapeshifter or werewolf... Behem... Behemoth... Plus Crow's propensity to growl like some sort of very angry dog...

RebelVampire

if crow isnt a werewolf i will be surprised

Respheal

I am 100% on board with that theory

RebelVampire

cause theres been enough refs to imply it is so

Darkhalo4321

I mean... He takes commands rather well when threatened- so-

dog training?

Kabocha

Crow doesn't listen to Julie real well tho

SpazztastiKim

he tries

RebelVampire

i think how the behem realm is being dealt with is a major reason jason shouldnt trust the hunters. cause while i dont think the hunters are evil persay, i think in their pursuit to do the good they bend ethics waaaaaay too far(edited)

Darkhalo4321

Julie needs to talk louder-

SpazztastiKim

He is basically a puppy

be loud and RIGHT THERE, then he'll pay attention

Darkhalo4321

yeaaaah- wonder why they have a phate trapped in a glass jar in a makeshift lab

SpazztastiKim

spooky

Kabocha

.... Do the stooges know about that

Darkhalo4321

they might

they might not

>:3c

Kabocha

@RebelVampire -- d'ya think the state of Behem might be related to Jason?

what if Jason's unintentionally an avatar of destruction?

SpazztastiKim

why... did that make me giggle so much?!

RebelVampire

i mean id believe it. sorry jason.

Kabocha

This tiny cinnamon roll of a child -- really there because he's a sign of end times.

RebelVampire

you are destined to destroy all that you love

except antonio

Kabocha

With Antonio as his dad, I'd really believe it.

Darkhalo4321

Yeah, I've been forbidden by many to NOT kill antonio

SpazztastiKim

indeed

Darkhalo4321

which means I probably should kill him, right?

Kabocha

Jason can become a razor-sharp weapon of death... But when it comes to his father, they walk side-by-side into the end.

SpazztastiKim

I did threaten to fly over there and shoot you with something. Do I have to again?(edited)

Sarai

it means you should NOT

Darkhalo4321

D:

RebelVampire

no dark this means the opposite. this means antonio needs 10 layers of plot armor

Darkhalo4321

fine fine he's safe... for now

RebelVampire

and when you pretend to kill him it turns out antonio faked his death and it was his plan all along

SpazztastiKim

I have MULTIPLE Nerf guns Halo...(edited)

Kabocha

oh noooo

Darkhalo4321

He'll eat a potato chip and go just as planned

Kabocha

Live footage of Dark, plotting out the story https://tenor.com/6zEs.gif

SpazztastiKim

^^^

Darkhalo4321

you forgot to add in the part where I plot as horrible implications are made known to me

>:3c fu fu fu

Kabocha

. . . So uh.

RebelVampire

i do think jason is tied to the corruption in all seriousness

Kabocha

Anyone got new horrible implications to point out?

I'd agree with you on that, Rebel.... Hold on, I feel like there's visual evidence

Darkhalo4321

oh?

Kabocha

Oh, no nevermind

I was like, "I remember that shot of the blocked off Behem realm being foresty," and linked it to Jason's dream where he got the Rosary... But they don't look similar at all.

But what seems to be a gate(????) to the realm has the same kind of creeping blackness as was surrounding Jason and the corrupted shade

RebelVampire

as far as im concerned the only evidence we need is that jason has amnesia and all the events tie back to the massacre

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2663394/6-32-chapter-end/ http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2637351/6-18/ But I'm not sure if that's just Dark's visual shorthand for "dark magic"

So file this under "more evidence needed, but I'm choosing to believe they're tied together somehow"

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2017341/2-10/ Also, apparently the Jason = Apparition user has been hidden from the hunters for a while... So, I wonder if Jason changed that night, corrupted the Behem realm with his awakening (somehow -- maybe it was just some sort of casting in place from the previous apparition user), and then got home after horrific things happened, only to have his mother murdered

The problem with this is, we don't know how casting this sort of stuff works yet, so I don't know if Jason's been in proximity TO the Behem realm if it requires that he physically be there to affect it.

Darkhalo4321

He's a wot? He's an apparition antonio-

Kabocha

So, I think until shown otherwise, if Jason's power is linked to Behem's state... Jason's probably a symptom of the problem, more than the cause??

RebelVampire

to be fair though we cant say for sure the corruption even started in the behem realm can we?

cause it couldve started elsewhere and thats just the first notable place it hit in its spread

Kabocha

true -- it could have been Belial starting shit, and it spread like a wildfire.

RebelVampire

belial please, observe proper fire control procedures at least(edited)

Kabocha

never

Darkhalo4321

a forest fire to burn all the... evidence...

blame it on teens using the beehive burner as a party spot

just as planned

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2663394/6-32-chapter-end/ Also, I wonder why Julie cares so much about the Behem realm? I know you don't need to have a link to a place to care, but... I feel like she has more than just Crow.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Jason isn’t the only character in the comic with secrets. Do you think there are any significant things that Toby might know from the past that are sealed from Jason? If so, what and how will that affect his and Jason’s relationship? What do you think the story is with Robbie and how Jason ended up his friend? Why won’t Jason tell Toby the circumstances, and why is Robbie’s situation with Jason significant? Also, will the relationship between Jason and Melodie develop, or is it doomed to the status quo? Moving to other characters, how do you think Ker came upon his eye and the ability to use Fae magic? How might this event be influencing his choices and position with the Hunters? Last, what is going on with Belial, and what do you think this means for the story?

Kabocha

To be honest, when we found out that Robbie just kind of appeared in their friend group one day, I half expected that Robbie would be part of Jason? Like, that whole part of Jason that got separated out when he developed amnesia, but then the curse was introduced, and it was like... "nah"

Darkhalo4321

Eh- but you have to think back to Annette and Jason's conversation on the back porch-

Respheal

I've had a theory for a while that Robbie may have attempted suicide.... Mostly fueled by "Are you suicidal?!" "Yes?" and the references to Robbie being in a hospital

And that's probably how they met? 'cuz Jason's sister is a nurse?

Kabocha

Yeah...

RebelVampire

itd make sense cause theres a lot of rumors surrounding robbie and well...rumors lead to bullying >_>

Respheal

And that conversation between Jason and his sister was very......real

"is he okay?"

Kabocha

Robbie's a good egg who decided if he was going to be talked about, he may as well give them something to talk about

RebelVampire

and itd actually explain robbie's sort of cavalier attitude. cause if hes actually depressed than he doesnt care about his safety

thus jumps on well covers

Darkhalo4321

when Inspector Toby says "lets not stand on this-"

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2222484/1-17/ Toby's pretty cavalier about risking Robbie for Jason's sake tho

Respheal

And why Jason, being the good kid he is, doesn't drop Robbie like a brick when he's consistently crass

Darkhalo4321

if he don't care about his safety, why should he?

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2222492/1-21/ Because Jason cares

RebelVampire

well yeah, why would toby pick robbie over his best friend? XD

Respheal

I'm still mad at Robbie about the cafeteria scene lol

punk

Darkhalo4321

in the redraw I think I made it worse, but less directed...

if that's possible...even

Kabocha

Toby seemed to join in on it in those pages tho

Toby, why are you so mean to Mel. XD

what did she do to you

Darkhalo4321

Toby-... t o b y

sighs Toby- He's such a complicated nooooodle

RebelVampire

i just assumed robbie acted that way because thats how he handles socially awkward situations he doesnt want to be a part of. and his go to mode is "be a jackass"

Kabocha

.... Mel tried to be friendly, Toby didn't take her being friendly very well because it was a bad day, Mel continued to pester A grudge began

RebelVampire

for the cafeteria scene that is

Kabocha

Well, no, I mean, that could be their history XD

But yes, Robbie being a jackass is default, I think

"I don't know what to do, so go away" only he can't say those words

because then he looks weak

Darkhalo4321

truuue

RebelVampire

toby is a complicated noodle tho. i cant decide if he can be trusted or not. cause he seems honest but then at the same time he feels like he has a secret skeleton closet of secrets

Darkhalo4321

but, Toby Melodie and Jason have been friends for a while now-

his room DOES have a closet Hmmmm

Respheal

When Jason mentioned he had started remembering things, Toby looked like he was ready to whack Jason upside the head if it'd bring on the amnesia again

A definite "nope nope nope bad don't remember" sort of expression

Darkhalo4321

yeah, bad things happen when that... happened...

Kabocha

Maybe Toby has a secret he needs to hide.

Respheal

What are you hiding?

Darkhalo4321

MAYBE

cue law and order theme

Kabocha

Or at least, that was my impression during that first time, but when it was mentioned that Jason gets hospitalized...

It was like, hm, okay. Toby's not suspicious I guess.

Darkhalo4321

f o r n o w

Kabocha

Unless he was that other figure in the bg of that dream

Darkhalo4321

:0

is Toby the contracteee?

Kabocha

Part of the contract, maybe XD

crimsonangeltears

I gotta leave the chat guys, sorry! (gotta make dinner) Thank you for including me!

Sarai

bye! thanks for joining us!!

RebelVampire

thank you for comin @crimsonangeltears ~!

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2637351/6-18/ <- this page, first panel, 3 figures, just fyi

Darkhalo4321

Thanks for coming Crimson! makes yummy food for your family!

Kabocha

Have a good night Crim~!

RebelVampire

ok so it wasnt just me. i tots thought toby's reaction to jason's memories returning was super suspicious

and like he was ready to flee the country

Kabocha

well, if Jason is linked to the destruction of realms

wouldn't you?

Darkhalo4321

there is a lot about the APPARITIONS the hunters DONT KNOW sooo

Kabocha

that's why they want Lark

to counteract Jason.

Darkhalo4321

>;3c

RebelVampire

why only get one when you can have both tho?

Kabocha

They don't want him dead, but captured if possible. Because even if he dies, that power will reappear, yeah? but Lark's like, "Yeah, nah, I'm fine with the world ending."

Darkhalo4321

I'm surprised no one has brought up the lab... with lark...

Kabocha

Well

It's still new-ish information

Darkhalo4321

True-

Kabocha

We don't know who had the forest lab under their control yet, or am I forgetting something

maybe they had all those kids to test corruption on

Test subjects for Belial's brother~

'cause eventually, you need human subjects.

Darkhalo4321

I mean- they are keeping phates in jars so-

Kabocha

Nari was sacrificed for the sake of the Behem realm!

Darkhalo4321

shes a homuraaaa

or a madoka?

Kabocha

Neither

she's Sayaka

Darkhalo4321

THERE we go

RebelVampire

i dont have enough info to theorize on the lab. cause i got more the impression the kids were at a training facility for the hunters than a lab and that the lab came later.

Kabocha

But uh... There were theories on Dark's server about Mr. Grimr...

RebelVampire

maybe theyre pulling an fma and when lark finds nari shes gonna be fused with a phate

Kabocha

Ahahaha oh no

NO

REBEL NO

Respheal

WHY

Kabocha

Don't give Dark ideas!

Darkhalo4321

... l- lark?

>:3c

Kabocha

Lark-oniichan...

SpazztastiKim

S-stop?(edited)

Sarai

ENOUGH

Kabocha

We have found the limit, and it is Nina jokes.

Sarai

I can't take nina jokes in two servers gosh darn it

SpazztastiKim

that will ALWYAS be the limit

Sarai

^^^

Darkhalo4321

this will be the hill I die on

Kabocha

Okay, but seriously, Mr. Grimr has purple eyes.

Is he Belial's bro

Darkhalo4321

:0

Sarai

he might be

Darkhalo4321

purple, and purple makes a connection-

SpazztastiKim

nothing but pain

Kabocha

I mean

we have yet to see ... What was her name?

Sassypants?

Darkhalo4321

he knows stuff

Kabocha

Sizzlebritches?(edited)

Darkhalo4321

YES

XD

Respheal

"her"(edited)

Kabocha

So, I guess we're going to have a scene of this comic in a strip club.

Respheal

WHO

Darkhalo4321

d... did you not

oh dear

Kabocha

Dark, if you skimp out on the bright colored lights, I'll be sad.

Darkhalo4321

my google search history is going to ask questions kabo

Kabocha

Just look up sterotypical pictures from Vegas

it'll be fine

Or watch Showgirls (don't watch showgirls, it's not really good)

RebelVampire

vegas is basically one big strip club

Darkhalo4321

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2616663/6-12/

@Respheal

That's WHO

Respheal

Oh

I uh

I actually meant who's the 'her' Grimr is referring to

Darkhalo4321

I felt very clever about the name.

OH

RebelVampire

i assume the her was nari but now that res brings up that page...lark, did you...did you make a metaphysical contract?

Darkhalo4321

o h

Kabocha

"her" -- probably Nari. Or Adalaide. XD

Darkhalo4321

o h n o

Kabocha

If Nari's not fully dead, she will be soon.

A victim of corruption...

Respheal

r i p

Kabocha

I mean, you kind of sealed her fate with the whole friggin blood shots followed by tears

how else do you interpret that

Darkhalo4321

he just... misses her and regrets his bloody murdering ness or... something

Kabocha

http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/comics/2685206/7-5/ Lark is fine if the world ends because Nari isn't in it.

Respheal

The red was actually his hair dye

Darkhalo4321

yes

Kabocha

That's why he wants Jason.

FREE NARI, OR I SET HIM UPON YOU

RebelVampire

lark please. what you do is be the distraction and have jason sneak in. cause they wont be expecting jason and thus jason has the element of surprise to wreck their stuff

Darkhalo4321

Jason can barely transform guys, he'd just go in and start screaming XD

might as well SEND ROBBIOE

actually... That would work.He can seduce the guards see.

RebelVampire

that works too. send robbie and jason.

ultimate tag team

Kabocha

[image: Return Nari... Or suffer his curse...](edited)

Darkhalo4321

Jason would have to remind lark that... he's no idea what he's talking about XD curse? What curse? I'm F I N E

narrators voice He was NOT fine

Kabocha

See, I was imagining it to be more like King Ramses...

Darkhalo4321

oh yah?

Kabocha

RETURN THE SLAB....

OR SUFFER MY CURSE....

Darkhalo4321

OH

Yah Lark would try that, huh?

Kabocha

Yep. only Jason is the curse he shall set upon the world

Darkhalo4321

because his curse is FORBIDDEN MAGICwoooooo

and much scarier for some reason

Kabocha

:3

Well, it'll be okay eventually, I'm sure.

RebelVampire

lark's plans always work out

nothing could go wrong

Darkhalo4321

it'll all work out-

maybe

Kabocha

Nari's not doomed. Jason will be fine. And best of all, Lark will get everything he wanted.

Darkhalo4321

it's fine

Kabocha

And Robbie will live a happy life.

Darkhalo4321

the kids are okay

trust me

RebelVampire

theyre all dead

Kabocha

And you're not going to do anything to Antonio.

Darkhalo4321

e x a c t l y

Kabocha

That's it! That's the story.

Everything is FINE

Darkhalo4321

MCR's I'm not okay plays in the background

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Janaka Davis (Darkhalo4321), as well, for making Moonlight Apparition. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Janaka Davis’ efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://moonlightapparition.smackjeeves.com/

Janaka’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Darkhalo4321

Janaka’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A0A1K9D7

Janaka’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Darkhalo4321

[machinehead]

MORE CORNELL

Below is a collection of the most interesting replies to my General Journal inbox and our Facebook page. There are many, many, many more great/fantastic replies in the FB thread here: https://www.facebook.com/MachineHead/posts/10154745571783823 But these are the ones that hit me the hardest for whatever reason. Reading everyone's replies made me realize that it’s been a very difficult thing to process for many of us.  I appreciate the well wishes from everyone.  Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.  Yes, it triggered something dark inside me, something closer to the surface than I realized.  Writing/talking helped me process it. Talking about it on our group-text helped a lot, talking about it with my guys at practice helped a lot.  Writing the journal helped a lot, reading you’re replies helped a lot. And so I’m sharing your replies to hopefully help anyone else struggling with this. It needs to be discussed. His suicide, depression, mental health, whatever we want to call needs to be addressed. We need to get over our uber-macho, alpha-male-society, and be able to talk about these things.  For ourselves, for our kids, for our future. My oldest son had heard Genevra and I talking about Cornell. Driving him to school 2 days ago, he asked me how he died.  I told him. He didn’t understand why someone would do that. It was tough conversation.  And my first thought was to not tell him what it meant, but then my larger fear went to "what if he feels this way already?”  And before you go, “oh kids don’t feel that way, kids are just happy all the time”, I have 2 friends who are going though it with their tween/teenagers.  So we spoke about it, and I told him "I hoped that him and Wyatt never felt that way because THAT scared me even more." It was heavy… How any parent lives through that I’ll never know. Back when the news broke, the band/crew were talking over the group-text, Phil shared something amazing with us.  It was a post from our long-time friend Steffan Chirazi.  He had posted his eloquent thoughts regarding Cornell's suicide (written before suicide was confirmed). If you read only one of the replies below, scroll to the bottom and read his. It’s well worth your time. ——————————— From: Paul Miller Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Yeah man. I know that's not a formal way to start a reply, but that last line, "Listen, Honor, Remember Chris Cornell"... that's the truth. Did so today.  Soundgarden was one of those bands that I listed to and enjoyed, but I didn't run it into the ground.  It was great music, and I didn't want to burn myself out on it.  It would rotate, but I'd save it for special occasions.  When "Black Hole Sun" hit MTV, I'd find myself turning the tv so that I wouldn't get sick of it, but it became unavoidable for awhile (at least here in Indiana). I appreciate your words.  They ring true here, too.  Never got that low, but my thoughts have been dark enough.  It scares me, too.  But, I want to forge ahead for my 5 year old - she is what keeps me runnin'. All the best to you, and thank you for the music through the years. I'm sure you hear people say that your music helped them through rough times.  I believe it.  It kept me focused on doing something personally productive to develop my chops as I wore out the cassette of 'Burn My Eyes' while learning to play your riffs!  So, thank you for that. Take care, Paul From: Rochelle Mangan Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Thank you for this, I loved reading it and am enjoying re listening to a lot of the songs and albums you mentioned with a different perspective on them (this is something I enjoy doing with music a lot, listening to things after people have told me their ideas and opinions on them etc). I just want to say though that I hate the "they had so much to live for" type comments. Even if it's done from an emotional, irrational state, I can't not say something about it. I will find it hard to express concisely and over email the many reasons why but one of the main things is this.... Mental health is hard to deal with because it's invisible, it's so easy to feel like you're a flawed person somehow rather than recognise you are actually unwell. This can mean that experiencing severe depression or whatever when everything in your life is "going great" can (in my experience) often make it so much more confusing and distressing. I'm definitely not saying it's harder to deal with if your life's great! But, if things aren't great - you've lost your job, you're struggling with a relationship etc it's easier to sort of say to yourself "well of course I'm struggling".  I feel like it's also sometimes easier for others to empathise with you if they can see some logical reasons why. It's also easier to get help from public health services (in NZ anyway). When I'm in a bad patch and I have good things happening in my life I ALWAYS find it harder to not do damaging behaviours because my external things are so at odds with what's happening internally. It's like a big war going on and it is so confusing, so exhausting, just one massive dangerous mind fuck! Anyway I hope this doesn't make you feel worse than you may already be feeling, I don't mean it to. I just feel that it's important to say these things sometimes. I know suicide can be confusing to people but as you may know, when you're there, it's not. Thank you for your ramblings and your even more amazing music. It has definitely kept me alive in a big way numerous times. Rochelle xxx From: Anita Hoeve Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals Even though I'm a Machine Head fan from the start, and I really enjoy your journals, I don't normally respond to them. Surely you have better things to do than read all the comments, but wow, this day really sucked, didn't it? I was utterly shocked to hear about Chris' passing. Even more to learn it was suicide. Feel so sad that he felt this was the only way out. I love his voice, his music, listened to Superunknown just last week. Between all the social outpourings I read today, yours really stood out. Thank you for your story, your memories. For really taking the time to share them with us. They got to me. Take care Robb, give your kids and Genevra an extra big hug tonight. Love, Anita From: "Kondalski, Joe" Subject: RE: CHRIS CORNELL To: 'The General Journals' I was at the Fox Theater last night to see Soundgarden, here are a couple of pics from the show. We were in the front row and Chris gave us fist bumps and was very engaged  with the fans during the show. Ps- these are cell phone pics, I will send some pics from my camera later. Feel free to post this pics anywhere. From: Fábio Gil Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL To: The General Journals From a 34 year old fan boy trying to play it cool: if you need help, go and search for it and solve your shit, man. We all have demons and hard things we can't handle by ourselves, sometimes. So, for this fanboy, and millions around the world, for whom your TALENT and music inspires so fucking much, put yourself together and "headup". I have a band and we are looking for a proper singer for a time now, maybe a year... And you, dear Robb, your vocal approach, your melodies, ressonate in my head, pushing me to break my barriers and fears and step to the mic (I play of the guitars). This is how much you inspire me. And I'm... just one. Imagine what you do daily to your legion of fans. Is there anybody out there? Yea. There is. Always. From Portugal, with MUCH MUCH love, Fábio Gil. From: Jean-Baptiste Collinet Subject: Re: CHRIS CORNELL SPOTIFY PLAYLIST To: The General Journals Thanks for the playlist, Robb. Great choices, many almost-unknown songs. Great. Well, I tought about dropping a serious line about how Chris somehow "changed my life" (I know, that's so cliché, but I'm at loss for words, damnit). But I was too down last time you wrote about him. Not only did Chris, as a human being, kinda "redirected" me on a safer, healthier path… even if we never met (if there's heaven or hell, we may meet sometime. Let's be a hopeless optimistic-pessimist!) His music... Boy, it's just gut-tearing to think about the loss of the man who opened my mind and my ears enough to stop my technical frenzy and stage thirst for a huge while, and made me start listening instead of merely hearing. I even put aside performing for years, and I just started again maybe a few months ago. Not as a Swedish Melodeath drummer and guitarist, but as a viola da gamba soloist. Talk about a ride. It doesn't look like it, but both worlds share much more than one may think. Not sure I would have made it so far without Chris. Chris had this ability to quickly grok and understand the world and music in an unbelievably holistic way. If that's not inspiring, I don't know what is... I could go on and on, rambling. Enough. Chris has still much to "teach" us, even if he's not "there". He made me wonder if we're not the dead, wrongly thinking we're alive. How can we dare think we're right? What if the ones we think of as dead/fallen are the ones alive? Anyone has an answer to this? Jean-Baptiste Collinet @Rich Hoit I both love and hate this. I love the passion, the honesty, and the wish to not shy away from the raw and heartfelt feelings towards a fantastic front man, singer, musician, friend and man. So much respect for that. I hate the fact that it had to be written so soon 😢 Bravo, Machine Head, a great piece and a great sentiment. And thank you, Chris Cornell. @Ashley Merritt You're strong as fuck Robb because you actually wrote how you feel honestly like this, helping anyone struggling with mental illness.. it helps to know that you're not the only one and the way you feel frankly is exactly the way I do. What a trip. Being open and around good folk means everything, there's always an up after a down. Always. @Theresa Alaimo Very proud of you, Robb Flynn, Machine Head, for this tribute to Chris. A s a journalist for my magazine, Black Planet, in New Mexico, I ran for over 15 years, I too am grieving for Chris Cornell, that beautiful man with an amazing voice. During the Voivod Tour they played at a club a few blocks from my work space apartment and the promoter asked if I could steam the crab legs for Soundgarden at my place. Delivering a plate of steaming hot crab legs to the beautiful Chris and looking into his eyes, made my legs steam as well. I believe I said, "Your Majesty, I present you with steaming hot crab legs" and bowed. I was such a dork, but I was so overwhelmed by his aura. I was also at the Foundations Forum where I saw Soundgarden and met you and other great guys. I interviewed you and we all became friends and hung out with Pantera, Biohazard, Exodus, STP, Lemmy, Pearl Jam, Iron Maiden and up and coming new bands for a weekend. I still have my Scorpions beer mug they handed out from their helicopter flight, it was a great experience. Anytime you are feeling sad or depressed Robb, try to remember that you are a talented musician, a beautiful man and maybe not every woman in the world wants to fuck you, but be your friend and will listen if you need to talk. I might not ever know if you read this, Robb Flynn, but at least it's out there. We all love you and need you to stick around. We've lost too many, Dimebag, Peter Steele, Wayne Static, Scott Weiland, Layne Staley, Lemmy, just to name a few and when we barely catch our breath, then we lose another. We can't lose you too, our hearts are already broken. @Matt McDonald "And I think I'm strong, but I'm not. I'm not as strong as I project, and I'm not sure if I'm stronger than depression. Because I sink into it sometimes. And it's black. I hope I am. I need to be for my kids. For my wife... for myself." God damn that shit hit me. So personal, so profound, and so relatable. Counseling, medication, therapy... none of that is a guarantee. Whether it's a bout of sadness or full on throes of suicidal depression, sometimes the hardest part for overcoming it is simply reaching out. Be it pride, shame, guilt... find a way to overcome, find something that helps you out of the funk. Music can be so powerful, so thank you for still being here to share your deeply personal thoughts and feelings, and for continuing to make music. You never know how much it could help even just one person, I think that's reason enough to continue. Thank you! @Jennifer May It can be really hard to admit, you worry that you'll be labeled as an attention seeker or told that you just need to cowboy up and try harder to be happy. Medication is still really stigmatized and expensive, and talk therapy can seem intimidating. I'm very, very lucky and grateful that my mama works in mental health so I've had someone to help me navigate the system. RIP Chris, we lost one of the greatest today. @Phil Stein No matter how much one tries to capture the range of emotions evoked by Chris Cornell's vocals, the description falls short of what he could do and what he could convey. Let alone the beauty, poignancy and power that he could generate. It was like hearing a 5 course gourmet dinner from appetizer through dessert - it was varied and more than that delicious vocally. Thanks for the great description and memorial For Chris Robb. It's so on point and fitting. Perfectly stated!!! @Mark Garcia It's the asshole in me but I will never grieve for someone who takes their own life. I can appreciate all the words from fans and I may not have been a fan of sound garden some of the songs were worth listening to. This band as well as the grunge "sound" never resonated with me so maybe that's why as well. @Jimmy James Brute honesty again from mr Flynn. Bravo this is why we love you and machine head. Depression does fucking suck and you don't shy away from talking about it. RIP Chris Cornell! Man I was actually a big soundgarden fan back in the 90s before discovering metal. @Siri LH Thank you for your honesty and reflections! Highly interesting to read. I can relate to the sadness and the mind fuck. Soundgarden was the band that sparked my love for heavy music. I've been depressed myself and always felt comfort in listening to Chris Cornell's voice. It resonated with my mind. The darkness felt lighter when I put on a Soundgarden album. I was comforted, like someone got my mood. Whenever I've felt lost, I've put on some Soundgarden and found myself again. Soundgarden feels like the essence of my being and I will always be deeply grateful for their music, and for Cornell's voice, lyrics and mood. I've seen them live once and I smiled the whole show through. Eternal love for Chris Cornell and Soundgarden <3 My heart goes out to his loved ones. @Austin Kokel I saw them on Lollapalooza '96, and I'm glad to hear you say what I felt at that show. I was only 15, but I had Badmotorfinger and Superunknown and I absolutely loved both and was right up front. The band was definitely in a funk, and the bassist was an asshole, spitting on and insulting the crowd (and bot in the fun Ramones way I experienced an hour earlier). I try to explain their set to people now, and I can't. I'm glad to hear my 20+ year old sentiments echoed. That said, I always wondered about him after that day, but I never saw this coming either, not this far down the road. Thanks for your honesty and insight, Robb. We love you. We love Machine Fucking Head. Be strong. @J Ake Hess You've expressed so many feelings and thoughts rattling around in my head today that I just couldn't find words to put to. Cornell will always be uniquely amazing and in a class​ by himself. I was listening to his cover of Prince's Nothing Compares 2 You just last night and letting myself become entranced by his unique sound and incredible voice. Today I am sad, angry, and a bit enthralled with my own mortality. Nobody is immune and sometimes the struggle is too much for even the people with everything to live for. I can't imagine what his family is feeling today. Beyond tragic… @Steffan Chirazi No-one can be sure why he is dead, and when it is appropriate, we will know. But depression is a very, very real thing. It is a part of life, but for some, it carries deadly lows and utterly crushing weight along with a gravitational pull into darkness that many of us cannot fathom. I sometimes fight the rabbit hole. I see it, I feel it, I flirt with its edges, but then I bury my head in the dog or hug the cat or take deep breathes and get outside and find a piece of mental architecture to grab hard, fast and haul myself out. I am very lucky. I am slightly brushed with depression and anxiety, but fortunately I am always able to find the light. Fortunately I still retain enough of my natural mental antibodies to find the path out quickly and efficiently. There is no doubt that age makes that path harder to find sometimes, as a consequence of both the physical being and some of the inevitabilities which come with your 50s (such as more people in your circle dying). Others are not so lucky. It isn't because they 'don't want to' or 'aren't trying hard enough' or 'don't love their familes' or anything remotely like that. It isn't ever for the lack of trying. It is because depression (and anxiety) are a crushing, debilitating disease which this country, this planet, seems largely unable to recognize. We push people to the outer regions of anxiety and depression with no care that there are some who fall headfirst into a rabbit hole tornado and only through regular (and possibly unrecognized miracles) find themselves hurled into the escape bunker as opposed to the abyss. Yeah. Imagine that. A tornado that escalates within minutes from a slight, chilly breeze, a tornado that offers no pattern as to when it will appear. And imagine that the only help which can come your way is a bunker miraculously opening up beneath your feet and drawing you to a womb of safety until the tornado passes… ...Often, people with clinical depression will self-medicate. Not because they 'like to fucking party' but because there is no other way out. It's 'easier' to take a swig, take a pill, take a hit. It keeps the darkness in the distance and the tornado (when it pops up) is smashed into smithereens by the 'medicine’. Let me, by the way, be VERY clear. I am NOT saying he was doing ANY of that. He had his dances back in the old days, ones he has been very open about. But I thought he had left that behind. I honestly don't know but feel he had for some time. Whatever eh? Because we judge anyway. Yet we judge. We judge in all senses and all ways. Why do they do that? Why do they behave that way? Who do they think they are? Why can't they just cheer up...? Why are they being such an asshole? Yeah, cheer up will ya? You're handsome or pretty or rich or famous or successful or ALL of those things. Come on. All you gotta do is think about how much worse so many other people have it. Who do you think you are? There are people with 'real' problems out there… I heard the same shit about Cobain and Staley. Listen, does anyone really believe that they wanted to go? That they didn't with every sinew wish in their more lucid moments that they could find a way out? Of course not. Pain is one thing, emotional pain is a whole other ball of wax, but add that to a chemical equation in your DNA that can (without warning) turn your colours to black and white, your peripheral vision to a short, narrow tunnel and which leaves your light feeling cold-negative and it is clear to see that this disease is both monstrous and potentially crippling. The thing with tornados is that when you're in one, they don't afford you the 'luxury' of contemplation. Especially when it is your own chemicals, your own imbalances through no fault of your own, which rise from nowhere to envelope you in that tornado; I never heard of anyone caught in one who was able to see straight, let alone reason with themselves. Fortunately some find their way out. They discover a regular path out of the fog, and they can stick to it. That is not to judge people who cannot; every situation is different. But some simply can't. They try and try and try again. Maybe they achieve success in escaping dark moments, and maybe they eradicate self-medication and triggers from their lives with the help of great local support. However there are never guarantees. Again, I don't know why he died. I spent a little time with him here and there, enough to know that for years, there was a dark moodiness which expressed itself via his generally quiet way and rich lyrics. Later on he certainly spruced himself up, chucked in the deeper self-medications, and seemed a lot more comfortable with life than when he wrote the semi-self-ridiculing "Jesus Christ Pose" but what did I know? Apparently not much at all… ...If you see a friend struggling, if you sense or feel a friend or family member is drifting near a rabbit hole, please, check-in with them. However you have to, either directly or just create an excuse to see them, to talk to them. We are so emotionally guarded that we perhaps see it as 'intruding' or 'sticking our noses in'. Know your friends. Know your family. Be kind whenever you can with them, have a laugh or crack a shit joke. But touch base. Do it today. Much love to everyone who suffers and is either marginalized, trivialized or simply ignored. Much love to those getting assistance in their ongoing battle. Subscribe to The General Journals: http://thegeneraljournals.hosted.phplist.com/lists/?p=subscribe