#hooo boy here we go

[clevercatchphrase]

Page 243

(Links coming in afternoon reblog!)

[sailor-aviator]

Okay, so....I'm THINKING (but no promises lol idk how busy I'll actually be) We Abide, Fool's Fare, and By Its Cover this week. Might even work on a Road to Perdition update too.

[scuddle-bubble101]

13 Raven

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

"Even though, I may never truly be able to trust-"

"oh NO NO NOT H I M."

"Really I'm very touched Tisha, you've outdone yourself all over again!~<3

[essektheylyss]

[to the tune of "This Year" by the Mountain Goats, through gritted teeth] I am gonna make it. through this draft. if it kills me.

[empiresagereheadcanons]

okay update i've semi-caught up on some things and. uh. i'm not sure how to handle the hermits if i'm honest.

i thiiiiiink i'll just like...have them as side stuff. the hermits who went through the rift can be included in hcs but an empires member HAS to be the main focus of the hc somehow. feel free to loophole this?

[whateveriwant]

I just read your pregnant wife with 141 but that got me thinking. What about horny pregnant wife with 141

Feel free to ignore this if you feel uncomfortable writing it 

-🍱 (if it’s not taken)

I haven't written smut in ages so forgive me if I'm a little rusty. 18+ only pls and thx (vaginal sex, cunnilingus)

Soap

Hooo boy! Alrighty, here we go

So for starters, that man is PENT UP. Like seriously, he's so backed up, he thinks he can feel it all the way to his esophagus

Since you first got pregnant, it's been nothing but morning sickness, aches and pains, and a total and utter lack of desire on your part

Trust him, he's tried taking care of himself in the meantime, but it's never really gotten the job done since it wasn't with you

But once you enter your second trimester and the desire has come back, it takes everything in him not to ravage you the moment you give him the green light

Why? Well, truth be told, he's scared about potentially hurting you or the baby

You know how he can get in the sack. What if he dents the wee bairn’s poor head? He's knocking (more like pounding) right on the little one’s door after all

You have to assure him that he's not going to hurt you or the baby (and please, never refer to your cervix as a door again)

So he'll start slow and gentle at first, not wanting to be too harsh, but it won't take much to get him back to fucking you hard and rough like you're used to

He's got your knees up by your chest (or, as close as they can get) while he’s drilling into you from above, snarling like an animal

When he finally finishes, it's loudddd, slamming the headboard against the wall, and he pushes his hips as far forward as they'll go while he empties four months worth of cum inside you

Ghost

I'm so sorry to have to be the one to inform you, but you're not getting that man's cock while you're pregnant

It's not because he's overly rough when you make love normally; it's just that he's not willing to take any chances when you're in such a delicate state

However, the man is inherently a giver, so with just enough whining and begging and pleading from you, he'll oblige you to some degree

He'll stick mostly to his fingers or his mouth, maybe a toy or two if you're really needy, but he's generally going to rely solely on his own skill to get you where you want to be

He'll have you recline against a mountain of pillows while he settles himself between your legs, his arms looping around your hips to hold you still for him while he works

But he doesn't just dive right in, oh no siree. The man loves to tease you – kissing your thighs, the inside of your knee, the bottom of your belly first

He'll turn you into a pathetic little thing squirming desperately for his touch, before finally granting you mercy by giving you his tongue

He'll make you cum so hard with just his mouth alone that you'll temporarily lose all thought of that gorgeous dick of his

But afterwards, if you want to return the favor, you certainly won't hear him complaining about it

Oh but trust that the moment the doctor gives the okay after you’ve given birth, he's gonna be all over you, making sure you walk funny the next morning (and the following week after that)

Gaz

Like the other two, Gaz is concerned with potentially putting you and the baby in a dangerous position

But the man is a sucker for your puppy dog eyes, so it doesn't take much convincing to get him to take you to bed

But he still wants to be safe about it, so he researches the best positions for couples to have sex while pregnant

That's how you find yourself in his lap, naked back to his chest, as he sits in one of the chairs he dragged in from the dining room

You're bouncing on his dick, hands braced on his thighs, ass smacking off the hard plane of his lower stomach as you lift up and down

His hands on your hips are more of a placeholder than a guide as he lets you set the pace, just sitting back while you take what you need from him

It doesn't even matter if he cums or not, that's honestly the farthest thing from his mind. All he cares about is making sure you're satisfied in the end

Need him to snake his hand forward, tracing the curve of your belly down, until he's circling your clit in fast, tight motions? Gladly, love.

Your thighs may burn and your eyes may water, but there's something about this position that makes him hit so deep that it leaves you gasping for more

Ultimately, your orgasm will trigger his own (nothing gets him there faster than the sound of you cumming), and afterwards he'll help you into the bath where he'll clean and massage your aching muscles better

Price

Unlike the other three men, Price is eager to fuck you the moment you show even the smallest inkling of want

What's that? His poor baby needs him to fuck her right now? Say no more, sweetheart. Hubby's come to the rescue

That man is dicking you down anytime, anywhere he can

Just got done shopping? He'll find a deserted road to pull over on. Just stepped into the shower? Might as well kills two birds with one stone

Really, it becomes a challenge to find where in your house he hasn't had you in these last few months. The kitchen, the garage, the back porch. You name it, he's done it (multiple times, in fact)

But his favorite – oh boy, his favorite without a shadow of a doubt – is when he takes you in front of your bedroom’s full length mirror

He'll hold you up from behind, standing you both on your feet, and just watch as he fucks you nice and slow

Seeing it in profile is fun when he wants to watch his dick slide in and out of you, but he's especially fond of having you directly face the mirror

There's just something about getting to watch you – that pretty face, those juicy tits, that fucking delectable rounded belly – that makes him blow his load faster than a damn rocket launch

With the number of times he's had you like this, you swear, that man of yours is trying to knock you up a second time (But shhhh. Quiet now. Don't go giving him any bright ideas, sweetheart.)

[ultimate-blorbo-bracket]

with the amount of characters that've been submitted currently this is gonna be a preeetty big tournament. Definitely gonna be a bit of work to try to organize it XD

[twola]

i know arthur is a giver but sometimes i think he’d like being cruel. i have this image of him leaned back in a chair taking a drag out of his cigarette with reader writhing on his lap with tears in her eyes practically begging for him to do anything to her while he watches with feign indifference

Hooo boy. Okay, this is my first shot at a true low honor Arthur.

Lookin' for Trouble

Arthur Morgan x F!Reader Smut (18+), MDNI

➵ Fic Masterlist ➵ AO3 Link

The afternoon light was more than enough for you to finally get to reading after getting Grimshaw’s list of chores done. Finally, you’d be able to crack open this book that Hosea lent you all those weeks ago.

All of a sudden, the light is obscured over the pages of your book, and when you look up, you place a hand over your eyes to see the mountain of a man before you, peering down at you with a cigarette hanging off his lips.

“Oh, Arthur, I didn’t realize you’d be back so quick.” You smile up to him, closing the book and moving to your knees to stand up.

An outstretched hand juts into your view, “Ain’t nothin’ interesting in that backwater town.”

You take it and allow him to pull you up, but you frown up at him and don’t let go, turning both of your hands so that his knuckles face the two of you. The skin is broken and oozing a small amount of blood.

“Oh dear, let me clean that up for you in your tent.”

You drop his hand and he follows, smoking that cigarette without a reply. On its head, it must be a funny sight, the grizzled outlaw following your small frame back to his tent so dutifully. 

He pulls the canvas down after the two of you enter the tent, tall enough being built off his wagon. The perks of being the enforcer of the group. You make yourself busy looking in the chest at the foot of his cot for some alcohol as you pull a handkerchief from the pocket of your skirt.

Arthur sits down on the edge of the cot, taking that old black hat from his head and dropping it atop the pillow that had seen better days.

“Here we go,” you dab your handkerchief with a bottle of god-knows-what and move back toward where Arthur sits.

He places the still-lit cigarette in the little glass tray at his bedside, the end of it continuing to smolder as he blows smoke toward the top of the tent, away from you.

You frown, twisting your head to change your view of his outstretched knuckles. “It’s an awkward angle, I-”

He cuts you off by making you yelp as his free hand shoots around your hip and pulls you down, your rear colliding with his firm thigh, his hand on your hip balancing you as you regain your composure.

“Oh… thanks…” you blush slightly, having been caught off guard. You return to dabbing at the broken skin of his knuckles, his large hand outstretched and dwarfing yours, as you perch upon his thigh, your back flush to his barrel chest.

“How did this happen?” You ask softly as you pick at the dirt in his inflamed, broken skin. 

“Y’know, a bit of this, bit of that.”

You sigh, “I really hope you ain't out pickin’ fights, Arthur.”

Arthur hums dismissively in response, jostling you slightly on his thigh. He props the cigarette between his teeth and his free hand moves forward and begins bunching your skirts up, the hem of your dress being pulled higher and higher.

“Arthur-” You go to scold, but his searching hand gravitates right over where he’s looking for, pressing against your cunt through your bloomers. You give another yelp as his finger digs at the cotton, prodding and stroking and petting.

“A-Arthur, I’m tryin’ to-”

As you go to grip his forearm with both hands, his injured hand darts downward, grasping both of your wrists and holding them away from your body, essentially binding you and leaving you unable to stop his ministrations.

A low, satisfied noise rumbles out through his chest as you pant, his fingers edging the leg of your bloomers open and touching your bare skin. Just barely touching, teasing, as you squirm in his lap, his hold on your wrists as strong as iron. 

You honest-to-god whine, tears welling behind your eyes as you squirm in his lap, trying to break free of his hold on your hands, trying to jut your hips into his hand more.

“A-Arthur- god, please-” you gasp aloud, squeezing your eyes shut tightly as you beg. He removes his hand entirely and you nearly sob at the loss.

Cracking your eyes open, you see him pull the cigarette from his mouth and place it in that glass tray, mashing the butt into the ash as he puts it out. He bounces his thigh as his hand returns to your cunt, chuckling darkly as you continue to squirm.

“Ain’t you just the prettiest little thing when you’re all needy like this?”

A fresh set of tears burst from your eyes as his hand snakes into your bloomers again to rub at you.

“P-please-”

“Please what, what d’ya need darlin’?”

He cups your cunt fully and helps you roll your hips over his thigh bone, and it’s all you can do not to sob loudly at the frustration.

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“Arthur please, please god, please touch me.”

“I am touchin’ ya’.” He responds, pleased with himself as you struggle against his grip, iron-like in its strength.

“In-inside-” you pant, continuing to squirm against him.

“Hmm, like this?”

You are able to bite back the scream you nearly let out as Arthur slides his trigger finger into your dripping cunt. He curls it with a practiced precision, and you buck in his lap, throwing your head back against the curve of his shoulder. Your temple brushes against his days-old beard before he leans in against you.

“There’s my girl,” he nips at your earlobe with haughty pride, fully taking satisfaction with the way you writhe atop him, “Makin’ them noises like a whore.”

There’s no snapping back at him, no retort back at his dry, teasing humor. You are able to do nothing but give a breathy sigh, almost agreeing with his statement.

Arthur grabs your hips and hoists you up to stand, quickly following and pushing you two stumbling steps to the table where a few of his guns are spread out. One sweep of his arm and the guns clatter into the grass before you're abruptly bent at the waist and spread out on the table.

“Arthur-”

One of his large hands splays across your lower back as he fiddles with the buttons of his pants. Essentially keeping you pinned down on the table, you have no option but to lay there and take whatever he is going to give you.

Arthur pulls your skirts up, tossing them over your hips before yanking your bloomers down and over the swell of your ass. His hand is between your legs quicker than you can sputter in indignation, and you bite your lip to keep from moaning as he strokes his thick fingers in and out of your wetness. Your eyes tightly shut as you breathe out your nose, and for a moment, you’re empty as he pulls away.

The hot, blunt head of his cock prods your entrance before he pushes himself inside you, in one strong thrust. Your fingers clamp on the edge of the table as you clench your teeth at the intrusion, fluttering on the edge of pain as his thick cock stretches you. It’s always like this, he’s not much of a gentle man. 

“Tha’s it, what a good girl you are, takin’ everything I give ya.” Arthur drawls as he begins to buck his hips forward into yours, unflinchingly setting a rough, fast pace.

You’re unable to last after all the stimulation before, and it’s not long into the slamming of him into you that you begin to get that feeling that your release was imminent.

“A-Arthur-” you gasp out as you reel toward completion, the table squealing beneath you as he rocks his hips into yours faster, harder - punishing - all six foot of him hunches over you as he fucks you into a wet, messy orgasm, you pressing your forehead into the table as you clench around him.

He grunts, jerking his hips backward as his hands clamp harshly around your hips, squeezing so hard you’re sure there will be bruises in the morning. You feel the hot splatter of his spend on your rear as he lets out a long breath through his nose, trying himself to be quiet within the confines of the tent.

You pant, still bent over the small table, your skirts flipped over your hips as your knees shake. You hear Arthur fiddle with his pants before returning to you, his hands grasping at your thighs greedily before pulling at your skirts to right them.

He swats, albeit gently, at your rear before your skin disappears under your skirts. 

“You gonna let me finish cleaning you up?” You ask, leaning over slightly to pick up your discarded bloomers from the ground, tucking them into your pocket.

Arthur sits back on his cot, his pants still unbuttoned and open unapologetically, as a sly smile creeps across his face.

“If yer really gonna clean me up, I think there’s a lot less clothing involved.”

[naomeii]

Hooo boy, this one's heavy. Could I request Neuvillette and his wife getting into such a heated argument that she, in her frustration and exhaustion, asks him if he wants a divorce? Ashamed, she turns to leave, only for her husband, who's in tears, to hug and beg her not to leave him.

Love's verdict.

—Pairings: Neuvillette x Wife!Reader

Content : Domestic fluff, tiny bit of angst

Neuvillette and (Y/N) stood in their living quarters, the air thick with tension. The usually composed Chief Justice looked visibly perturbed, and (Y/N) was fed up with the perpetual distance between them.

"(Y/N), I must ask you to understand the constraints of my position. Personal matters should not interfere with my duty," Neuvillette insisted, his tone clipped.

(Y/N) couldn't hold back anymore. "Neuvi, this isn't about your duty. It's about us. You're never here, emotionally or physically. It's like you're married to Fontaine, not me. I can't take it anymore!"

Neuvillette sighed, "My duty is to Fontaine, and Fontaine is my responsibility. You knew this when we got married."

(Y/N) was frustrated, feeling a mix of anger and hurt. "I didn't sign up to be a widow while you're still alive. I need a husband, not a distant figure hidden behind the title of Chief Justice. Do you even care about us?"

Neuvillette's expression hardened, "This is bigger than us. It's about the people, the justice I serve. You knew that sacrifice was part of the deal."

(Y/N) took a deep breath, her patience wearing thin. "I can't do this anymore, Neuvillette. I need a partner, not someone married to his job. If this is how it's always going to be, do you even want to be married?"

The room fell silent, the weight of (Y/N)'s words hanging in the air. Neuvillette's stoic facade wavered for a moment, and he looked at (Y/N) with a mix of frustration and realization.

"(Y/N), divorce is not an option. It's not something I can entertain. My duty—"

(Y/N) interrupted, tears welling up in her eyes, "Do you even love me, Neuvillette? Or am I just a placeholder in your life?"

The Chief Justice hesitated, a rare moment of vulnerability crossing his face. "(Y/N), I—"

Cutting him off, (Y/N) took a step back, her voice shaky but resolute, "Think about it, Neuvillette. If you can't find a way to be a husband as well as the Chief Justice, maybe we need to reconsider this whole thing."

As (Y/N) reached for the doorknob, the distant sound of thunder rumbled through the air, and the room dimmed as dark clouds gathered outside. She sighed, realizing the storm outside mirrored the one inside their home.

Just as she was about to leave, Neuvillette's hand shot out, grabbing her wrist. Startled, she turned to see him, tears streaking down his face, a sight so rare it sent shivers down her spine.

"(Y/N), please," Neuvillette's voice quivered with a mix of desperation and sorrow. He pulled her back gently, and in an unexpected move, wrapped his arms around her.

"Neuvi, let go," (Y/N) said, her voice softening despite the turmoil within her.

But Neuvillette clung tighter, burying his face in her shoulder. His usually composed demeanor shattered, revealing a vulnerable side that (Y/N) had rarely seen.

"Don't leave, (Y/N). I can't bear the thought of losing you," Neuvillette pleaded, his voice breaking.

(Y/N) felt a mix of emotions, torn between her frustration and the raw vulnerability in Neuvillette's embrace. The storm outside intensified, rain pelting against the windows.

"I can't keep living like this, Neuvi," she whispered, her own tears mixing with the raindrops on the windowpane.

Neuvillette tightened his grip, his body trembling. "I know I've been distant, but I can change. Just please, don't leave me. I can't face a life without you."

His words hung in the air, the sincerity cutting through the tension. (Y/N) hesitated, her heart aching at the sight of her husband in such agony. She softened, placing a hand on his back.

"Neuvi, we need to talk. We can't go on like this, but maybe there's a way we can find a compromise," she said gently.

Neuvillette pulled back, looking into her eyes with a mixture of hope and gratitude. The storm outside began to subside, as if nature itself was responding to the shifting dynamics within the room.

As they sat down to talk, the rain outside turned into a soft drizzle, a symbolic reflection of the possibility of healing and resolution.

Several weeks passed, and a noticeable change came over Neuvillette. The once stoic Chief Justice now found himself making an effort to bridge the emotional gap between him and (Y/N). He began to express his feelings more openly, his interactions reflecting a newfound warmth.

One evening, as (Y/N) was preparing dinner, Neuvillette approached her, a hint of shyness in his eyes. "I wanted to help," he said, offering a small smile.

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow in surprise but couldn't help but smile back. "Well, don't just stand there. Grab an apron. We're making this together."

Neuvillette awkwardly tied the apron, a bit unfamiliar with the domestic setting. As they worked side by side, cutting vegetables and stirring pots, he attempted to engage in casual conversation. "Have I mentioned that your cooking is one of the things I love the most?"

(Y/N) chuckled, "You've never mentioned it, but I appreciate the sentiment."

As days passed, Neuvillette's demeanor continued to shift. He became more attentive and, surprisingly, a bit shy. He'd occasionally steal glances at (Y/N) when he thought she wasn't looking, his gaze filled with a mixture of love and uncertainty.

One day, as (Y/N) was about to head out, Neuvillette caught her by the hand. "Do you really have to go? Can't you stay a bit longer?" His voice held a hint of vulnerability.

(Y/N) grinned playfully, "What happened to the Chief Justice who used to value duty above all else? Are you trying to shirk your responsibilities?"

Neuvillette blushed, looking down, "Well, maybe I've realized there are things more important than duty."

(Y/N) teased, slipping away, "Well, we can't have the Chief Justice neglecting his duties now, can we?"

But Neuvillette surprised her by swiftly lifting her off the ground, peppering her face with kisses. "(Y/N), you're the most important thing to me. I can't let you go without a proper goodbye."

Caught off guard, (Y/N) laughed, "Okay, okay! Put me down, you goof!"

[farmergirldulce]

Farmer Confessions Part 2

How would they react to the farmer confessing their love to them? Here are The Bois ᴛᴍ this time~ (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Part 2: The Bachelors

♡ 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒸𝒽

You're honestly quite shocked you started catching feelings for this angry tomato who you could've swore hated you

But as you get to know him you notice his softer side is starting to show and you couldn't help but fall for him (me too bruh LOL)

You decide to get it over with on an occasion when he's sober because you just know he'll be too drunk to take in your confession

Olric just so happens to be out of town that day to visit Merri for her birthday, so it's now or never

Oh god maybe YOU shouldn't be sober for this

You pop into the blacksmith shop at the usual time you go bother March, but this time you have a bag of silver ore to spare him with a note inside that says: "So we going out ore what?"

As lame as that note is you thought your sense of humor would carry you through this

You slap the bag on his desk next to him working on some blueprints with that same shit-eating grin you always give him

"Yo. What's this?"

"Open and see~"

With a raised eyebrow, he opens the bag and sees the ore, mumbling about how it looks good, he can work with this, blah blah

But then he pulls out the note and you feel your heart go to your ass

Before you could have second thoughts, he opens the note and reads it

His deadpanned expression shows he's used to this corny side of you so he's like:

"Good one. You came up with that yourself?"

Then from looking at your shy face, it hits him, realizing the context of that note

His face turns into the same color of his dyed hair

You're spiraling now

"I'm sorry I know you hate me but I didn't know how else to tell you-"

He interrupts you by embracing you, his hand in your hair and his flushed face buried in your neck

"Dumbass. I've never hated you. It's the opposite actually..."

Wait huh? It's mutual??

So far Olric's the only one who knows you two are going out (but March eventually tells Ryis as well) and he's giddy like a schoolboy because he shipped you two for the longest

He's already planning double dates with himself and Merri

Other than that you two keep it lowkey for now until March is comfortable

That is until a Friday night when his tongue slips and calls you "babe"

Now everyone knows and Elsie wants in on the T E A

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡

♡ 𝐵𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓇

This mysterious man has stolen your heart

However, you're apprehensive about telling him how you feel because you don't want to mistake his flirting for coming onto you

You're worried he's not into you and you're afraid to get your heart broken so you just avoid him for days, bottling your possibly unrequited feelings inside

You don't think he noticed you weren't talking to him but hooo boy he noticed

And he doesn't like it one bit

So one morning Balor shows up at your front door out of nowhere, a worried look on his face

"Hey, you~! What gives? Did I upset my favorite customer?"

You feel an uneasiness at the pit of your stomach

You want to just lie and say you're okay but he deserves to know the truth

You ask him to promise not to laugh at what you're about to say and he crosses his heart with his fingers and whispers softly:

"Out with it."

So you just say it. That you're in love with him and want to be with him

After a brief moment of silence and a slight blush creeping onto his face, he starts to laugh

"Y-You said you wouldn't laugh!"

"Haha, I'm so sorry, but... that's the reason why you weren't speaking to me?? My goodness..."

Then he closes the gap between you two, his hands on your hips and his forehead touching yours

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about you in that way either... so why don't we do something about it, hm?"

You feel like fireworks are going off in your head as he plants a kiss on your lips

You two are definitely the talk of the town after it's made official and he always takes you with him on his strolls out of town

He wasn't sure if he'd stay in Mistria, but now that he has you by his side, he just might be convinced

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡

♡ 𝐸𝒾𝓁𝒶𝓃𝒹

He's such a sweet boi; how could you not be in love with him?!

Something about hearing him ramble on about archeology while sharing sweets together makes you just crave for moments like this all the time

That lil' nerd got you wrapped around his finger

So you get some advice from Reina about what kind of food to make for "a guy you like", but the way you describe the sweets he likes she immediately knows who it is

Aaaand she's squealing, already eager to help you win Eiland's heart through his stomach

She helps you bake a strawberry shortcake and you write a letter to Eiland, inviting him to the dig site for some excavating and cake at night

Dang Farmer, a date already? Lmao

It's a starry night and not a cloud in sight

After the excavation, you reveal the cake and he's absolutely hyped

"Wow, strawberry shortcake?? Thanks so much! I can't wait to try it~!"

The conversation continues, a mix between compliments on how amazing the cake is and about the findings of the excavation

You both are having such a good time you almost forgot why you invited him out tonight in the first place

You gulp and say:

"Hey, Eiland? I have to tell you something."

"Hm? What is it?"

"I... I have feelings for you. I would like to date you, if that's okay?"

His face reddens, sparkles in his eyes. He covers his mouth in excitement and in shock

"E-Eiland?"

"(Y/N)! I'm so happy... I-I like you too!!"

He hugs you while you blink incredulously, not believing what you just heard

He clarifies that he's had a crush on you for a while and was struggling to tell you how he felt

He gives you the most heart-melting smile as he says:

"I-I'll be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for!"

You both walk back to the manor hand in hand and Adeline just so happens to see and she screeches

She bombards you two with questions like "How? Huh? WHEN? Who asked who??"

After she calms down he introduces you to her as his significant other and she's just so happy for you two

And you're both happy as well, a giggling pair of lovebirds

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡

♡ 𝑅𝓎𝒾𝓈

Both being newcomers in Mistria, it was natural for you and Ryis to hit it off so well

Even to the point cranky ass March was starting to get salty

Like?? They steal my thunder AND my best friend? Fuck em

But yeah, Ryis has always been so nice to you and he's been so pleasant to be around

You don't want to mistake his kindness for flirting but the wINK THO-

Once you notice how often you've been thinking about him, you just know you can't keep it in any longer

You see one of your barns has a loose floorboard and thought it would be a perfect opportunity to ask Ryis for help

You could totally do it yourself but you figure you'd ask since you have to confess your undying love for this guy anyways

Later that day he arrives at your farm with his tools

"Yesss my hero~!"

"Haha, here to save the day!"

After that playful squabble, he rolls up his sleeves and gets to work

Shortly, after hammering the last nail, he gets up and wipes his forehead

"That should do it!"

You simply can't thank him enough and offer him a glass of lemonade before he leaves

You're definitely nervous now that he's in your home and sitting on your couch

CRASH!

Suddenly the nerves get to you and you just drop the glass on the floor

He jolts off the couch

"Are you okay?!"

You're stammering, trying to pick up the broken pieces of glass

"No, stay there! Let me get a broom."

He does just that: grabs a broom to sweep up the mess you made

You're in tears now because you just know he's gonna think you're some clumsy dork

After the clean-up, he takes your hands suddenly to inspect them for cuts

"Are you hurt?"

"Why..?"

Tears are running down your cheeks now and he's definitely worried now

"Why are you so nice to me? I'm just a big mess and I totally get it if you don't like me but I like you and it would be nice to get to know you better and-"

"W-Wait, slow down..."

He wipes your tears with his fingers and cups your face with his hands

"You're... into me?"

You nod without making eye contact

You hear him softly chuckle and here comes The Wink ᴛᴍ

"Do you really think I don't feel the same way about you? Why else did I come to your farm to do a job you were more than capable of doing yourself?"

He plants a soft kiss on your forehead, a blush now forming on his cheeks

"I wanted to see you."

You nearly pass out from the overheating on your face

But once you regain your composure you understand you two share the same feelings and everything turns out alright

He properly introduces you as his significant other to his uncle Landen to which he claps his shoulder in approval

You two are just so affectionate even March is like "ugh get a room"

"Maybe we will."

"HUH?!"

✧˖°ʚ🍓ɞ♡

♡ 𝐻𝒶𝓎𝒹𝑒𝓃

He had you from the moment he arrived on your farm on horseback

Since then you just, desire to ride off into the sunset with him

You've learned a lot about farming thanks to his help and now you feel like this friendship could be something more if he reciprocates

Before you could invite Hayden (and Henrietta of course bc she's a package deal lmao) over to the farm for some tea, you see a letter in the mail from him inviting you over to his farm for dinner tonight

Like??? Holy shit it's a date omg

Sorry Henrietta; you can meet Mother Clucker and Duck Norris another time LOL

You shower and dress decent before heading out

The gentle giant answers the door after you knock

"(Y/N)! So glad you could make it! I don't know what I was gonna do with all this extra quiche I made, haha!"

Then your excitement dissipates when you see Adeline and Celine sitting at the table behind him

Goddammit

Turns out he invited those two as well and you start to feel empty

Who are you kidding? There's no way he'd just ask you over alone...

Of course you feign a smile regardless because there's no reason to not be cordial with Adeline and Celine

You're all just friends having dinner

Just... friends :')

After dinner, the two girls bid farewell and take their leave (after Hayden insisting he'll clean up and not to worry)

You get ready to leave as well

"Goodnight, (Y/N)! Hope you enjoyed dinner. See you tomorrow!"

"Mhm."

He notices your usual tone doesn't sound quite right and tilts his head in concern

"You alright?"

"Huh? OH yeah I'm good! Just tired, haha. Night!"

You practically throw yourself out of there and close the door behind you

Before you could take the dejected walk back home, you hear a bawk behind you

It's Henrietta

She's clucking at you and doing light pecks at your leg

"I don't know what you're trying to tell me Henrietta, but I'm going home, okay?"

She still won't go inside, staring intently

"Okay, maaaybe I'm upset I got the wrong idea and thought your dad wanted to have dinner with me alone because I want to date him because he's a wonderful man and I'm just so stupid for thinking I'd actually have a chance-"

Dude, you're rambling to a chicken

"I-I'm going home! Sorry, Henrietta..."

You start walking back home and almost on queue, it starts to rain

However, after a few moments, before you step through the entrance of your farm...

"(Y/N), wait!"

It's Hayden, running towards you with an umbrella.

"Huh? Oh what's u-"

He bum-rushes into you in an embrace, the force almost bringing you both down to the ground

"H-Hayden?!"

"Is it true...? You like me? As in like like? More than a friend??"

You jolt at the questions. How??

Oh...

Gdi Henrietta you snitch but tysm too??

You gulp

"A-And if I do?"

He grins wholesomely

"Then I'd have to go out with you, of course! I feel the same way about you, ya know!"

He says that like you should've known already?? Like what??

You make a mental note to thank Henrietta later

He walks you to your front door, both of you under the umbrella

"Oh! I guess this makes me your boyfriend, right? Haha, well how about that! You'll be seeing me more often then."

Before saying farewell for the night, he hugs you with a loving squeeze like he never wants to let go

"I look forward to more adventures with you, (Y/N)."

[flower-boi16]

Why Stolitz is Helluva Boss's Worst Plotline

I don't know how to start this post so I'll just get to the point; Stolitz sucks complete ass and is the worst part of the show. It used to be interesting in season 1 but no longer in season 2, here's why.

1. Stolitz in season 1 (and why it worked)

Let's establish the reason why Stolitz worked in season 1. As we all know, Stolitz is a toxic relationship, it always has been. Stolas only wanted to sleep with Blitz and nothing else, to get all sexual with him and stuff....

And that's why it worked, Stolitz was in an intentionally toxic relationship, and the show treated it as such as seen in Ozzie's, where Blitz tells Stolas he doesn't want to sleep with him anymore. This was an interesting conflict and a lot of people were excited to see where season 2 would take Stolitz going forward after this. How was it going to resolve this conflict? There was a lot of potential...that season 2 has completely destroyed.

2. The Circus Ruins Everything (and here's why)

Now we move onto the season 2 premiere, The Circus, and hooo boy this is where the problems with this relationship begin to show themselves, as we encounter the first problem with Stolitz; Viv trying to retcon her way out of making Stolitz not toxic. The Circus makes the bizarre writing choice of making Blitz and Stolas childhood friends...

This writing decision sucks ass, here's why. Ok, first of all, let's get this out of the way first; this is a retcon. Stolas and Blitz being childhood friends and Stolas loving Blitz all along does not at all line up with any of their interactions throughout season 1, the point of their relationship in season 1 was that Stolas was the only part of Blitzo that Stolas was interested in was his dick and nothing else, this ignores that in favor of painting Blitz and Stolas as UwU childhood friends while forgetting all of their interactions in season 1.

Second of all, it's entirely unnecessary. Nothing about Blitz and Stolas's dynamic changes if you remove this and just have them fall in love as adults. Third, as a previous anon had already pointed out, making Blitz and Stolas childhood friends actually makes Stolas look worse because he's treating his childhood friend like a sex toy rather than a person. We'll get to this later but a major problem with Stolitz is the fact that the show tries to portray Stolas as the UwU sad soft boy victim and ignore how he treats Blitz in favor of making him and UwU soft boy.

The Circus is merely the beginning of that; the show is now starting to try and retcon its way out of making Stolitz not toxic by portraying as a UwU sweet childhood friendship all the while forgetting the actual point of the relationship to begin with. Don't worry, because hoooo boy let's talk about the next problem with Stolitz in season 2 that being...

3. The Feud in Ozzies (and its resolution)

So y'all would know that Stolas and Blitz had a fight at the end of Ozzies, right? Well this is where we enter the second problem with Stolitz; the events of Ozzie's go completely ignored. The next time Blitz and Stolas have an onscreen interaction is the second episode of season 2, Seeing Stars (Aka the only decent episode in this whole season). The two interact and...they just go along like nothing happened. As if they didn't have an argument at the end of season 1. People clearly noticed this and were confused as to why these two were just playing along as if the events of Ozzie's never happened...

Well guess what, episode 4, Western Energy, actually resolves the conflict the two had... off-screen...with a blink and you'll miss it text message. This was the moment I had officially lost my patience with this stupid season. It's just SO damn insulting. So you wanted to see where they could take this plotline after Ozzie's? How could Blitz and Stolas develop and resolve their conflict? Hehe well too fucking bad how about we just pretend that didn't happen and then resolve it with a fucking text message.

This is such a lazy and underwhelming way to resolve a conflict, it feels like Viv didn't know where to take Stolitz after season 1 so she just decided to give their feud an underwhelming resolution that unless you directly pause you would miss. So, the feud Blitz and Stolas had at the end of Ozzie's is completely forgotten about and then resolved off-screen, so fuck you to anybody who was excited to see where they went with this plot line I guess. Now that we have that out of the way...let's talk about the next problem with Stolitz;

4. Blitz's demonization

So season 1 ended with Blitz making it crystal clear to Stolas that he is deeply upset about their relationship only being about having sex with each other, so it's very clear that given how Stolas has been acting towards Blitz, he is the victim and Stolas is the abuser, so, therefore, Blitz is in the right for not loving Stolas given their interactions with each other throughout the whole season...

Ya well watch as season 2 just completely ignores that and tries to paint Blitz as the one in the wrong for not loving Stolas. This is where we enter the next problem with Stolas; treating Blitz as if he is in the wrong for not loving Stolas (or not believing that Stolas does genuinely love him). Stolas has been treating Blitz as nothing but a sex toy throughout all of season 1 and yet the show wants us to believe that BLITZ is in the wrong here??

Episode 6 Oops is where this problem really shows itself. I already ranted about this episode before, however the cage scene where Blitz and Fizz talk about their sex life is indicative of Viv trying to make Blitz look like the bad guy because Stolas did some nice things for him... off-screen. Talk about telling instead of showing. Like I said in that post, it feels like a retcon; we never saw Stolas do any of these nice things for Blitz and that doesn't even line up with his behavior in season 1.

It's also just...lazy. Viv couldn't be bothered to actually SHOW Stolas doing these nice things for Blitz so she just TELLS us that Stolas did all of these things for him so Blitz could look bad. However, it falls flat because once again, it's told to us, not shown. AND EVEN IF we accept that Stolas did do all of these nice things for Blitz, THAT STILL DOESN'T EXCUSE HIS TREATMENT OF HIM!!!

So the show wants us to see Blitz as the bad guy for the crime of not loving Stolas because he treated him like a toy rather than a person, but Blitz is NOT in the wrong for acting this way at all yet the show paints him as the bad guy anyway. The show is basically saying that a victim is in the wrong for getting mad at their abuser for abusing them.

"But Blitz took advantage of his childhood friend!" Yes, Blitz was an asshole, but so was Stolas, yet the show acts as if Blitz is 100% the bad guy and Stolas is 100% an innocent soft boy. Speaking of Stolas...

5. Stolas is terrible

So Stolas is terrible, plain and simple. He is very toxic and abusive to Blitz as I've already gone over. However, for some reason, rather than framing Stolas as the abuser he is, Season 2 opts to instead frame him as an UwU soft boy who supposedly did nothing wrong. This is less of a problem with Stolitz and more with Stolas's character as a whole; the show portrays Stolas as an UwU sad Owl boy and we're supposed to sympathize with him despite him not being a great person.

And Stolitz is where this issue shows itself the most. Season 2 never portrays Stolas as in the wrong for how he treated Blitz in Season 1, instead trying woobify him and simply turning around and saying "oh Stolas just wants a friend! He genuinely does love Blitz! Why doesn't Blitz love him back?!". We clearly are not supposed to see Stolas as the abuser here, however, no matter how you slice it Stolas IS the abuser in this relationship.

And so far the show has never made him apologize to Blitz for how he treated him nor has it tried to make him better himself for Blitz. And it seems like Viv has tried to make Stolas look better in episode 6 with the scene where Blitz says that Stolas did all these nice things for him, but once again it's ineffective because it was off-screen. And once again the decision to make him and Blitz childhood friends ties directly back into this because as I've already said, it makes Stolas look far worse because he's treating his own childhood friend like a sex toy, despite how much the show wants to convince us that Stolas is just an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong and just wants a friend, and no matter how much the show will demonize Blitz, I can not feel bad for Stolas because he's the abuser, not Blitz.

Stolas is just incredibly unlikeable and hard to sympathize with, especially when it comes to this relationship. "But Stolas genuinely loves Blitz!"- putting aside the fact that was also a retcon, even if Stolas genuinely loves Blitz, that doesn't somehow mean that how Stolas treats Blitz is ok. Despite how much the show wants us to convince us that Blitz is the bad guy here and Stolas is just a victim, Stolas is an abuser, there is absolutely NO denying it.

But what if I told you there is a piece of HB content that exemplifies this issue the most? Well...I promised y'all I'd analyze this video so...without further ado...

6. Let's Tear Apart the "Just Look My Way" music video

The second I finished watching this music video, I KNEW that I had to talk about it in this post. Why exactly? Well aside from it being the worst piece of HB content I have ever seen, it's also...a stolitz song. It shows off the issue of Stolas being woobified in season 2 greatly. In this section, I'm going to analyze the lyrics in the song while explaining why this song is the culmination of my biggest issues with this stupid ship. This entire song is about Stolas singing about how sad he is that Blitzy doesn't love him 🥺, and it is SO telling that this is the message the song is going for given the lyrics like this:

"Let me hold you, keep you close to me I long to hear your voice"

"I don't care that you're of lower station Or primed to sate my dark temptations Why can't you understand? Let me explain!"

These lyrics scream "Blitzy why don't you love me!!!". But that's contrasted by lyrics like...this;

"But dearest, I know better now I must give you this choice"

"I will try to make amends For making you means to an end So, look my way, please, look my way"

This actually sounds like Stolas apologizing to Blitz for how he treated him, which is exactly what I wanted...but the rest of the lyrics are just Stolas saying "Blitzy why don't you love me!!!". It's once again choosing to victimize Stolas rather than actually framing him as the abuser he is. This entire song is the most melodramatic emotionally manipulative shit I've ever seen, it once again portrays Stolas as an UwU soft boy who did nothing wrong and just wants someone to love him.

"But Viv didn't write the lyrics!" For those who don't know, Just Look My Way was a fan song that Viv and her team decided to animate as well as make Stolas's voice actor sing. And yes, Viv did not write this song, a fan did, however my issue is that within the context of the rest of the show up until this point, these lyrics do not do any favors for this ship. And I feel like Viv chose this specific song just so she could make Stolas look like a UwU soft boy again. There's also the fact that Viv changed some of the lyrics as well, removing the little impish plaything line and the one talking about Octavia.

This could be done to make the song closer to canon...but there's also a possibility that Viv did this so she could NOT acknowledge Stolas's actual faults and make the song entirely about Stolitz. This post summed it up pretty well.

So conclusion; Just Look My Way is an awful music video that is horrifically bad when It comes to the context of this relationship and once again tries to make Stolas look sympathetic when he really isn't. This is not how you make a sympathetic character guys. Now let's talk about the final issue with Stolitz...

7. It's Just Plain Toxic

This is the biggest reason why I (and many other critics) dislike Stolitz; it's just plain toxic. It's a toxic ass ship where the abuser is portrayed as the victim while the victim is framed as the abuser, and where the abuser has never gone to better himself for the victim, yet the show wants us to root for this couple to get together for some reason despite that. The show constantly paints this an UwU cute childhood friendship when it's anything BUT that in reality. It's toxic, plain and simple.

8. Conclusion

Look, if you like or ship Stolitz, that's fine, I didn't make this post because I wanted people to stop shipping it. I made this post because I believe Stolitz is easily the worst part of the show, it's a horribly written toxic and abusive romance that we are supposed to root for and the fact that people DEFEND this ship despite it being OBJECTIVELY toxic and unhealthy is baffling to me.

So ya, that's why I hate Stolitz...bye.

[theouroborosart]

hooo boy here we go again

[worlds-worst-ships]

Welcome to the home of the world's worst ships!

Hello there, I'm Jack Goodwin and this absolute affront to the natural order that I call a blog is where I take a break from the insane content I normally make where you only have one job... to have fun.

Wanna stay up to date on my video/.streaming content? Go follow @maji-man. Same handle on Twitch just with an underscore (this_) instead, @/Maji_Man_VT on Twitter, if thats your cup of tea.

Here's a post where I explain the point of the blog. I highly suggest you read it twice or more to make sure you understand.

Now then, down to business.

Are there two characters that absolutely should not be anywhere near each other, to the point where one should be getting a restraining order? Are there pairings in fiction that you couldn't be paid a quadrillion rubles to come up with on your own? Are you sick of all these picket-fence, vanilla pudding, ERENxMIKASA snoozefests that plague the internet? If so, you've come to the right place. Get your kissy-kissy lips on, find a slightly uncomfortable chair and LETS GET SHIPPING!!!

I have only FOUR RULES HERE:

You can say whatever you want here, so long as;

1. Its not discriminatory

Any sort of phobia/ism here is not welcome. This blog is for everyone, regardless of ethnicity, orientation or gender identity.

2. Its a joke,

and clearly a joke. We poke fun at each other here. Lets keep it fun.

3. Its true.

I have the power of google, and any misinformation will be swiftly corrected. When you are corrected, either accept it or be blocked. Misinformation and straight up lies are not welcome here.

4: You speak with the understanding that these characters aren't real people, nor do they represent them

These are cartoons. Works of fiction. They're not real. Please keep any deep-seated obsession with character's ethnicity, sexuality, age, background etc to yourself. Acting holier-than-thou and making that the subject of your personal issue with my posts doesn't make you a hero, nor is that the groundbreaking opinion you think it is, it just makes the jokes awkward and uncomfortable for many people here.

Aaaaanyways, now we've got that out of the way (and yes, I will add more rules as the need arises, don't test me)

I'll mostly be using the absolute maelstrom of doodoo I call a brain to come up with ideas, but if you'd like to submit some ideas of your own, feel free. Send it to my ASK box. Nothing illegal, past a certain point, please.

Oh, and the ask criteria/format is in the linked post below. (Anonymous asks are and will always be turned off, cuz I know that this site is full of pussies who can't talk shit on main)

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T READ THAT POST, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU WON'T: If you do not follow that exact format, I WILL DELETE YOUR ASKS ON SIGHT.

I REPEAT: I will not even CONSIDER posting them.

FUN FACT: After having this blog for multiple months with anonymous asks turned off, I haven't gotten a single hate message (other than that one kid who got made a fool out of). This is why they're off, in case you wondered.

Its also worth mentioning, some of you are new to the concept of comedy, so I'll write it nice and big for you (if you know what a crackship/joke is, then skip this paragraph): THIS IS A JOKE BLOG. A GIMMICK BLOG. A COMEDY BLOG. I DO NOT CARE EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOUT SHIPPING AS A CONCEPT MUCH LESS DO I EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT 9/10 OF THE CHARACTERS YOU'LL SEE HERE, SO IM JUST MAKING J O K E S. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, THEN YOU HAVE KNOWINGLY CHOSEN TO BE OFFENDED WHICH IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. THANK YOU :)

I REPEAT this is a CRACKSHIP BLOG, so if you're deeply hurt by any of my polls, just know that nothing here reflects me as a person because none of what I post is serious. If anything you see after reading that causes you any emotional distress, it IS NOT my fault. Its funny, but its not my fault.

[genericpuff]

oh boy rachel's telling on herself a little-

so we noticed that her Twitter name recently changed again, now featuring her bluesky social in her username to obviously advertise to people that she has a Blue Sky.

She's had BlueSky for a while, but it obviously doesn't have as massive of a following because 1.) Blue Sky is still a much smaller platform than Twitter (undoubtedly because it still requires invite codes to join), and 2.) it's really, REALLY hard to move the entirety of your fanbase from one platform to another as many followers are bound to be "dead" (i.e. not active on the platform anymore) and others will naturally fall off because they may have followed ages ago but never bothered to keep up or unfollow from a page that was just on their backburner.

But interestingly enough, this change is very recent and when you check her BlueSky, which she would only post to every once in a while, it's now seeming to be a lot more active with multiple posts over the past couple days. So I think it's very clear at this point that she's trying to actively commit to the migration from Twitter to BlueSky.

BUT HOOO BOY. SOME OF HER POSTS Y'ALL. SHE'S PRACTICALLY DOUBLING DOWN LMAO

You've all seen me dissect the SHIT out of Rachel's art process and y'all can verify it yourself through those posts that never once has she shown herself drawing this way. Never in the process reels, or the time lapse videos, or the single sketch posts she's made. So her claiming that she "likes doing this as well" is just flatout false because she doesn't do this. So I literally don't know who she's trying to fool with this (aside from her own fanbase) but she ain't fooling me LMAO

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rachel Smythe (@usedbandaid)

But that's not even the best thing she's shared, oh no. Because this isn't even the full kit of clown makeup.

Nope, that goes to this repost-

No hate to the person who posted this, I'm sure they're chill and cool, I just think the fact that Rachel of all people reposted this to her BlueSky which she's trying to replace her Twitter with is very telling. We all know this isn't just Rachel sharing something funny for the gag, we know exactly what Rachel likes and portrays in her work that she could see herself in through this post.

And what's even more telling (and hilarious) is that this may as well have been her running away to BlueSky after the "Never apologize for being Sicilian" tweet became the top result when you search "Lore Olympus" on Twitter LMAOOO

I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on here, but the thought of Rachel deciding to fully commit to moving to BlueSky out of sheer embarrassment over this one out-of-context panel from years ago that went viral overnight - and staying at the top of the search result feed because no one's engaging with good faith LO posts anymore - is hilarious, and if it takes this dumbass panel of Hades telling Persephone she should never apologize for being Sicilian to get people talking about how stupid and hilarious LO is, then I say it's about damn time.

[kirain]

Tav: Oh my gods ... it's happening. It's happening! Everyone, come quick!

Astarion: What the hells are you shouting about? It's barely four o'clock in the bloody morning. I know you don't get it, but I prefer to rise when the sun does.

Tav: It's the egg! It's hatching!

Shadowheart: The one you got from the githyanki crèche? You mean you still have it?

Tav: Of course! You didn't really think I'd give it to that crazy baby-snatcher, did you?

Gale: Shh, shh! Everyone, calm yourselves and be silent. I may not look it, but I know quite a bit about child-rearing. I read many books on the subject when I was Mystra's Chosen, and as I understand it, newborns require low, serene noises when they're brought into the world. Anything too stentorian could overwhelm the poor babe.

Lae'zel: That is perhaps the case for you pitiful, soft, fragile humans, but githyanki offspring are born with an innate sense of—

Tav: Quiet! It's hatching!

Narrator: The egg stirs and shakes, then cracks as the inhabitant kicks at its confines. After a few moments of struggle, the shell breaks, pieces of green and yellow debris sliding off the newborn's slender frame. Free at last, it looks up at you, is eyes narrow but full of wonder, then mews like a kitten looking for its mother.

Karlach: Ohhh-ho-ho-ho-hooo my gods! It's so cute! Look at its little feet and droopy ears! And look that that: born with a full set of tiny chompers! I want to squeeze it and never let go!

Lae'zel: Githyanki offspring are not "cute"...

Astarion: That's for damn sure. It looked like a jaundiced monkey.

Wyll: Heheh. Well, it's certainly something. It's ... well, I'm not actually sure. What is it, exactly?

Lae'zel: A soldier.

Wyll: I meant the sex.

Lae'zel: Oh. A boy.

Wyll: Welcome to the world, little man! We're going to have so much fun. I'll teach you how to use a blade and defend the innocent and—!

Shadowheart: Hold that thought, why don't you? You're getting way ahead of yourself. This is a tremendous responsibility. What do we even do? Lae'zel?

Lae'zel: What? Why are you looking at me?

Shadowheart: Because out of everyone here, I would assume a githyanki knows best how to raise a githyanki child.

Lae'zel: I know nothing of raising hatchlings. It's not my place.

Shadowheart: Lady Shar protect us ... and this child.

Tav: Don't be so defeatist. We'll be fine!

Gale: Absolutely. How hard can it be? An infant is an infant. He's probably hungry, so let's tackle that problem first. Come here, little one!

Lae'zel: I wouldn't—

Narrator: Gale reaches down and scoops the young hatchling into his arms. At first the creature seems confused, pensive even. Then, its pupils shrink, its teeth clenching. It growls like a caged animal and claws at the wizard's face. Luckily for him, it misses, but the battle is far from over. In a rage, the creature twists its body, then sinks its teeth into Gale's hand, latching onto it in a fit of fury.

Gale: Ow, ow, ow! Aaaugh!

Lae'zel: Typical.

Narrator: Gale attempts to shake the vicious newborn off, waving his arm up and down like a madman, but to no avail. The creature holds steadfast, almost mockingly.

Gale: A hand would be very much appreciated!

Karlach: Ask the babe. He already has an extra one.

Everyone: *Laughs*

Astarion: Well ... I wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but perhaps keeping the creepy little morsel around isn't such a bad idea after all.

[minty-mumbles]

Linked Universe Survey 2023

The long awaited results of the survey. Sorry it took me forever, making graphs is hard.

There were 452 responses to the survey as a whole, which is almost double what we got last year, so thank you to everyone who participated!

If you want to see the raw data, you can find that here. I had thoughts about the data, but compiling that into another post would be too much of a hassle. Feel free to send me asks about it though!

The rest of the post will be under a read more as it it large

Demographics

Other: Demigirl (4), Transmasc (3), Grey genderfluid, Unlabeled, Demiboy, Demiagender

Other: Omnisexual (4), Poly (2), Trixic, Abroromantic or Bellusromantic, Demisexual

General Questions

Other: Quotev, Discord, their own google docs

Other: Discord, Variations of "I haven't posted yet, but I pan to" and "I haven't posted my fics in ages",

Other: Wattpad, Deviantart, Discord

Other: Crochet dolls, Custom dolls, Roleplay blogs (2), Fan translations, Headcanons (2), Piano music

The purple section in the “Warriors vs Warrior” chart is supposed to read “Warrior.” I made a typo.

Favorites and Least Favorites

Selected Free Response Answers

im sorry warriors i just can't play your game (it is very very hard. i am stuck very early on in the game)

I love cats meow meow meow

was extremely tempted to put twilight for least favorite. unfortunately he is my favorite to write from the perspective of (he has taken over most of my wips. help) and that probably counts for something. WILD on the other hand. hooo boy how the hell do i characterize this gargoyle. why is he Like That. least favorite it is

Twiddy

very good fandom to be in :) everybody is very nice

It's a straight up crime that Wars lost the aesthetics poll so quickly. He has such a peak Link design with the best colors. Ugh I'm getting wistful.

FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. ALSO HAPPY PRIDE MONTH. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS. FROGS.

I will fight Hylia herself and the next person who implies Twi can't handle spice. If we're going to lean into him being southern/Midwestern, which is an alright stero type for our rancher, please keep in mind the culture you're basing him off. The south and midwest can handle their spice, I assure you. Have you ever had authentic Louisiana gumbo? It will melt you tongue off. Or some good old fashion spicy fried chicken? I promise the real stuff has quite a kick. (In all seriousness, though. It's more important that you're having fun. And even I can admit the idea of Twi being an Ordonian who can't handle his spice is more than a little funny.)

I am an OoT Link edgelord and have been since early 2017. So, in September of that year, when an artist by the name of jojo56830 puts out a lineup of nine different Links and the Hero of Time is there – the oldest, no eye, Hero’s Shade armor? I saw that one sketch and just thought “oh this is gonna be bad.” Yeah of course he has the coolest design. By the way, it’s only a matter of time until Fierce Deity shows up in the comic and I have reason to believe it could be this current Dawn arc. Dawn … Dawn of a New Day … and who brought about the Dawn of a New Day? Fierce Deity. Twilight is recovering but still injured and what will happen if he falls again? Fierce Deity is coming and we need to be prepared. In this essay I will—

Remember that time when someone put the whole script of the bee movie in here? I’m not that dedicated, and I don’t have that time, but let us remember and hope someone else does it again this time. Cause someone is bound too. We’re all crazy enough to do it. Alright, love you and stay hydrated pls!

Hi! I joined this fandom really recent but i’ve always seen LU stuff on pinterest and elsewhere. Only recently have i actually took the time to understand the fandom and get back into LOZ stuff and i adore the characters and story! The more and more fanart, fanfics, and comics i see about the different Links the more i love them all. It’s such a pain to pick just one i like or one i don’t like because they’re all so unique. I love this fandom and hope to get more involved!! Have a wonderful rest of your day :]

Epona is an underrated queen

your mom

I really don't get why Zelda is called Artemis. Athena makes more sense???? It perplexes me

Anyone seeing this should check out Breanna’s E!Wild AU

Something something queer every Link into oblivion!