#hopefully ill post something tonight i just recovering mentally

[fatuismooches]

smiles

[tismemaximusprime]

welcome 4/7-8/23

well here you have it, welcome to my blog pat. im sending this to you so you can go through and read all my posts if youd like, most of the ones i write are tagged personal. 

i love you so much and tonight was an absolute slap in the face and tbh at first i wasnt mad at you at all for any of it. but i didnt realize you have still been in love with liv since atleast october if not sooner. i saw the messages. you wanted to have a family with her and spend your life with her. i understand she means a lot to you but you 100% are just trying to replace her with me, whether you believe it or not. youre not over her. she was rubbing against you and im pretty sure you were so happy about it. i know shes been there for you longer than me. but im wondering if you should have waited to start dating someone. you tell me youre over her but i know youre not. i see when were at the store now you first turn to her but then quick turn around to find me bc something in your head says you have a gf. i want to believe you want a life with me but legit you were love bomb messaging her a couple months ago. you said youll wait for her. what if she decides its time to try again. what if she begs you to leave me? will you do it? im terrified to lose you. im also hating little by little hanging with her bc she just obsesses over you. she still loves you and thinks youre her forever back up plan. thats not fair to you or me.

idk what to do anymore. im scared and tired of crying, its fucking 5am and i still havent slept bc i cant sleep. my mind is saying youre temporary and youll leave me which sucks bc i actually believe it more now. you dont talk to me like you do to her. i wonder if you think of her a lot, even when were having sex. do you still dream of her? idk if i can do this. this is really hard and tough and im so scared of being hurt bc i know i cant save myself from this one. so i need to know now if youre with me forever and only me. i cant go on for a few more years then build a life with you and we break up then. i mentally and physically cannot do it. im searching for my forever and i want you so badly to be my forever. seriously i love you so fucking much its insane. i just cant get my heart broken bc i wont recover if its later down the line.

do you seriously want to be with me? and i dont want to be a back up plan. its not fair to me. i want to be the first choice. i deserve it. hopefully ill be sleeping when you actually see this, so you have time to think and respond.

[its-jijii]

dazai and mori

henlo im still dying a bit so im sorry i haven’t been on to post much :< but tonight on this episode of “i cant stop thinking abt this so im gonna write” im gonna talk abt dazai and mori’s relationship. 

i have a feeling that my opinion will be heavily disagreed with, but it is my speculation based on reading bsd. i currently don’t have the time or energy to get evidence to back up my claims, so i apologize in advance for that ;; i will reblog later with screenshots & quotes. but for now, i hope u enjoy!

to begin, i want to state that i don’t believe there was any abuse between mori and dazai. i agree that there was a power difference, age difference, and manipulation, but in terms of emotional and physical abuse- no, i don’t think so.

a common argument i see floating around is one of “dazai was abused by mori, so it’s not wrong if he abuses xx! that’s just how he was raised!” which is a lousy excuse. his past doesn’t excuse his actions, especially as he is now a full grown adult and should know better?? the fact that he continues to abuse others is proof enough that he hasn’t improved as much as i’d like to think.

we have no proof of dazai being physically abused. we were never shown it, it’s clear that the bandages dazai wears are not a result of abuse- he gets injured in battles, and though we don’t know what’s under his bandages, he’s had them since before he met mori. it’s unlikely that there’s any kind of physical abuse hidden under his bandages in that case. 

dazai can feel fear and will openly express it in certain situations- but none of those situations include being around mori. if he were physically abused by mori since he was a teenager, he would have noticeable reactions being nearby; nervousness, avoidance, any flinch or indication of fear if mori moved toward him. 

but dazai doesn’t show any signs of those, and while he is good at hiding his reactions, i do believe that trauma and abuse leaves a different impact. four years between his days in the mafia is unlikely enough time to recover from trauma and being able to completely erase his reactions to mori being nearby.

his lack of reaction and apparent calmness when face to face with mori is an indicator that there wasn’t severe abuse that impacts him to present day. i can testify that it is very difficult to stay calm when having to interact with your abuser, and dazai’s apathy to being near mori just seems like he wasn’t affected. he expressed distaste for mori, yes, and slightly indicated that mori made him read tactician books. but reading books or playing chess isn’t physical or mental abuse- that’s teaching a teenager how to plot and predict enemy moves.

well, if there wasn’t physical abuse, emotional/mental abuse is still on the table, right? i would say yes if it weren’t for a few key facts about dazai joining the mafia and how he acted back then. another popular argument is “mori killed the old boss in front of him, that had to be traumatizing!” yeah, usually someone getting killed in front of you is traumatizing- but the circumstances are what made me question exactly how involved dazai was.

again, we do not know what dazai’s life was like before he joined the mafia, but we do know that he was still suicidal, eccentric, and intelligent. forgive me if i’m mistaken about this, but mori picked dazai up after a suicide attempt- but it was never explained or implied to be by force. at least to me it seemed like dazai willingly joined mori and his plan to kill the boss. dazai was in on it and knew what was happening, and agreed to help. it’s not like mori suddenly killed someone in front of him and then told him to join him.

now, one indication of dazai not finding that moment to be traumatizing was again, his lack of reaction. i’ve heard the argument that he was dissociating, but i do not think that dissociation would completely block out a murder in front of you. it would still register that someone died and you’d react. his absolute lack of reaction to me seems like he was used to it. it wasn’t scary or horrifying to him because he’d seen it before.

another reason i think he was used to this was when he teamed up with chuuya for that first time. when he shot that one soldier to put him out of his misery, he kept shooting. an innocent kid wouldn’t do that, and that reaction wasn’t the result of trauma (at least from mori). for him to act like that so early on in his mafia days says something about his upbringing; it likely wasn’t very good, and he was obviously used to death. recent trauma from mori would have taken longer to affect him, but these actions seem like the result of trauma caused earlier in his life.

when it comes to oda’s death, i will agree that mori was manipulating dazai and oda and lots of things honestly. but that point in itself says something about mori, not specifically dazai- mori is a manipulative person and manipulates everyone. dazai may blame mori for oda’s death, but but that one incident wasn’t a sign of abuse or trauma. abuse and trauma are repeated actions over a longer period of time, not just a few moments here and there where mori acted shitty. 

okay sorry this is a messy ramble with no direction 😽 hopefully ill return to this soon with more to add and evidence. but yeah thats my personal beliefs on this topic that i’ve had for a longass time, but never seen anyone talk abt? so i decided to talk abt it. i hope u enjoyed somewhat even if u dont agree <3

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Thirty-Eight: Take It Away ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

It strikes in the middle of the night.

By now, Hinata is used to Sasuke waking at odd hours. It’s not often he’s able to sleep through the night. Sometimes it’s nightmares, sometimes it’s just a jolting awake...other times he just can’t find sleep in the first place, giving up and rising to find something to occupy him.

But this, she can tell immediately, is something different.

Typically his breaks from rest are quick and quiet - at most he might gasp, or call a name. This time, it’s a slow, drawn-out process.

Whether it’s his writhing under the sheets, or the nonsensical mumblings that wake her, Hinata’s not sure. All she knows is that something disrupts her dreaming, groggily blinking before realizing both symptoms. Forcing herself to sit up, nightgown strap askew, the butt of a hand rubs at her eyes. “Sasuke…?”

He’s not quite awake yet, brow pinched and eyelids twitching. Limbs jerk and flex as though reacting to...whatever it is he’s seeing, clearly still dreaming. Hinata’s own brow draws. She’s never seen him do this before.

Carefully, a hand reaches and lays atop his shoulder, giving it a gentle shake. “Sasuke...wake up.”

No reaction except more murmured words, head tossing.

Okay, something is wrong. Twisting to turn on a bedside lamp, she turns back and can now see the flush in his skin, sweat slick along his brow and catching locks of black hair. He’s got a fever - a pretty bad one!

Her worry quickly intensifies. She needs to get him up and to his brother’s house - hopefully his wife is not on a night shift at the hospital. “Sasuke - Sasuke, can you hear me? We need to get up, you’re seriously ill!”

Eyes finally flutter open just a hair, revealing irises of violet and coal. “...nata…”

Well, at least he’s sensible enough to recognize her. “Sasuke, you’re burning up -”

“M’so tired…”

“I know. You’re very sick. We need to get you to a medic, okay?”

“No...no…” His tone borders on a plead, an arm tossing up over his eyes. “No more...hospital…”

“We don’t have to go to the hospital. We can just go next door and see your sis-”

“Nēchan...I’m fine...I can stay out a little longer...I have to...I have…” His words dissolve into random sounds, blurred by exhaustion and fever. “...stronger. He’ll come back...he’ll kill me…”

Kill him…? Is he thinking back to the days before the war? Before learning about Itachi…? This is getting serious. She’ll have to bring the medic here - he’s clearly not in any state to get up and move. “Sasuke, I’m going to go get her, and bring her here. She’ll help you feel better. N-no one is going to kill you.” Her syllables jump slightly as her worry chips at her calm.

“Don’t - don’t go -!”

“I’ll be right back -”

“No!” In a strangely lucid moment, Sasuke sits upright, snagging Hinata in his arms and making her jump. He holds her tightly, ribs protesting slightly with a gasp. Brow tucked to her neck, he continues to mumble. “Don’t leave me...I don’t want to be alone…”

Outside a bedroom window, a raven cries despite the hour.

In spite of herself, Hinata feels a sympathetic pain in her heart. Arms reach up to embrace him in turn. “...I’m not leaving forever, Sasuke. But you need to be taken care of. I’m not a medic…”

“...t stop…”

“What…?”

“Make it stop…” He burrows further against her neck. Muscles slacken slightly. “...I keep seeing it...over and over. Make it stop.”

“...see what…?” she asks, already knowing the answer.

“I see them. All of them. They’re dead...I can’t...can’t save them.” Lifting from his lean against her, Sasuke wobbles shakily in his fever, staring at her with eyes fogged with delirium. “...take it away, Hinata...take it all away. All of the memories, and...and the pain…”

“Oh, Sasuke…” Hinata’s tone breaks, drawing him back to her. “...I can’t take your memories...they’re a part of you, of who you are. I know they hurt...and I wish I could make the pain stop. But you’ve done so much for the people you lost. The village knows the truth, now! The people who took your clan from you are either dead, or in a position where they can’t hurt anyone anymore. I know you’ve lost so much...but look at what you still have…! Your brother, and your cousin. Your niece and your nephew.”

Gently, Hinata lifts his head to look at her, eyes brimmed with tears as she smiles at him somberly. “...and you have me. You always will. I know they would be so proud of you. Of all you’ve done. You made mistakes...and no, you couldn’t save them. But you’re o-on a better path now. You’re making an honorable man out of yourself. Your pain has taught many people important lessons...and you’re all going to make sure no one else ever hurts like you’ve hurt.”

Still looking distraught, almost childlike in his addled state, Sasuke just huffs a sigh, collapsing back against her.

It’s then someone knocks on the door.

Flaring her Byakugan for a moment, Hinata wilts as she spies their neighbors, let in with a spare key. “C-come in.”

The pair enter with an apology for intruding, which Hinata shakes her head at. “One of my ravens couldn’t help but notice the ruckus,” Itachi explains. “They came to alert us.”

“Oh...thank you, Itachi.”

His wife sits along Sasuke’s other side, carefully accepting him as Hinata helps lay him back down. “Nēchan...I don’t feel...so good…”

“I know, dear...but I’m here to make you better.”

“Hinata…”

“She’s here, but I need some room to work. If you need her, we’ll call her, ne?”

Seeming only partially placated, Sasuke goes limp atop the mattress as white chakra flares along the healer’s palms.

Rising and slipping a yukata over herself, Hinata retreats to the kitchen, finding Itachi making tea. “Thank you…”

“I thought you could use something to drink.” Leaned against the counter, he loosely crosses arms. “...I take it he wasn’t ill when you retired tonight?”

“No, he seemed fine...but very tired. He’s been working overtime a lot lately on a case. I guess...his body is just too run down.”

“I see...Sasuke doesn’t heed his own limits a great deal of the time. I am not surprised. I’m sure she’ll get him back on track, but it’s clear he’ll need plenty of rest.”

“If he’s not too stubborn to ignore that need,” Hinata can’t help but mutter as the kettle whistles.

Silence falls as Itachi fixes three cups. “She is well-versed with his attitude by now - I’m sure he’ll obey if she gets stern enough.”

“I hope so...I hate to see him like this. He…” There’s a pause. “...he was jumping between now and the past. Talking about...the massacre, and nightmares. Wanting me to take his memories away.”

Dark brows sharply furrow. “...I see…”

“I know that...a-all three of you still harbor a great deal of weight from all of that. And it’s not easy to move on from. He already sleeps so poorly…”

“As you’ve mentioned before. We may have to try something a bit more...drastic. It’s clear our talks have not yet rid him of the guilt he feels. I...know the sentiment all too well.”

Hinata gives her brother-in-law a sympathetic glance.

“...you may not be able to take away all that Sasuke has suffered. But I know you do him an unfathomable amount of good, Hinata. After the war, Sasuke was...aimless, and moorless. His disconnect from Konoha, and his classmates, was exceedingly difficult for him to navigate. I truly do believe you made bridging that gap all the easier. Your lack of a relationship prior to his leaving left a blank slate he had with few others. And your paralleled natures - as well as points in your history - gave him something to relate to. To...anchor himself to.” Itachi gives her a warm smile. “...you have done more for Sasuke than almost anyone else. And for that, I have to thank you.”

Flustered color blooms in Hinata’s cheeks. She’s...not quite sure how to respond to that.

Thankfully, it’s then Itachi’s wife returns, looking a bit weary, but hopeful as Itachi hands her the third cup of tea. With enough bedrest, he’ll recover in a few days by her estimate. But she’ll still pop by daily to check on him.

“Thank you both so much for coming.”

“No need for thanks - we’re family. It’s nothing contagious, just his body being overworked, so you can go back to sleep beside him. I went ahead and put him under more manually, so he should sleep through for about six hours or so. At that point he’ll need to eat, relieve himself, and all that. Just keep him fed, hydrated, and well-rested. He’ll be just fine.”

Hinata nods, the three of them finishing their tea before the elder couple take their leave, promising to return should anything change.

Washing the cups, it’s then she returns to their bedroom, finding Sasuke sound asleep. A compress lies across his brow, blankets done up to his chin to help sweat out the fever. Carefully, though she knows she won’t wake him, she slips back beside him. For a time, she just watches, replaying his words and expressions in her mind. Seeing him so upset...it breaks her heart. Maybe Itachi is right - maybe they all need a bit more help than they’ve been getting to finally put their pasts to rest.

Fingers gently weave through his hair. “...we’ll figure this out,” she murmurs. “Together. I promise...Sasuke…”

     Sorry for yet another late post. I had a very...rough day mentally and emotionally after losing a pet overnight. So I took most of the day off, but still got this done. Just a little late.      This idea hit me as soon as I read the prompt. Sasuke has so much in his past he wishes he could let go - that he wishes Hinata, or someone - anyone - could take away. But it's not that simple. And of course, he'd never admit as much as he is. So, a little fever to lift his inhibitions! Poor guy needs like...ten breaks.      Anywho, that's all for night. Thanks so much for reading~

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Needs To Solve Its Villain Problem

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This Riverdale review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 19

“So, Riverdale lives to fight another day…”

With an episode title like “Riverdale R.I.P.,” it would be understandable if you went into this season finale expecting some massive game-changing event to occur that would cause Riverdale to completely reinvent itself.

No such luck.

For there was no “we have to go back” mindfuck, no exploding Gus Fring, just more of the same wheel-spinning in which characters behaved the way they always do. Friends, it’s really getting exhausting.

Over the course of five seasons to date, the series has proven that it works great on an episodic level but falls apart when analyzed as a whole entity. Indeed, fans coming off of last week’s stellar musical episode came into the finale expecting chaos ranging from Pop’s being decimated to Cheryl being burned at the stake for her religious dabbling. To be fair both of these events occurred, sorta. Pop’s was burnt up, but not badly enough that Jug couldn’t make a hamburger for Tabitha (and the basement level Whyte Wyrm bar apparently had no damage whatsoever). Blame the power of a misleading promo, one that did the actual largely anti-climactic reveals of this episode no favors.

A much bigger reveal was the story of Abigail Blossom, who was murdered by the ancestors of Archie, Betty and Jughead back in 1819 — and whose spirit, conveniently, is reborn in a fashion in each generation’s subsequent Blossom woman. As cool as this is, it’s also a bit of a shrug logistically. How exactly this works as Abigail was apparently childless at the time of her death is a mystery, although it’s safe to assume their were other Blossoms around at the time of her murder? Is this why Nana Blossom is so wacky? But perhaps as always it is best to remember Veronica’s immortal words of “forget it Jughead, it’s Riverdale” and not ponder the contrivances here too much. The larger point being that by the time the credits roll on this episode, Cheryl has revived her ancestor’s curse, invoked Satan and literally caused an ill wind to sweep through Riverdale.

Never mind that the past few weeks have seen Cheryl’s character undergo a transformation from mentally struggling to finding inner peace and wanting to act as a mentor for Britta Beach. Since the story demands it, “crazy” Cheryl is back, and there’s nothing viewers can do but sit back and enjoy the chaos. As frustrating as it may be.

The problem is, we have seen it all before.

Riverdale has an ongoing problem of playing narrative ping pong with its characters. Cheryl and Hiram Lodge suffer the most because of this infuriating creative decision. Due to the over-the-top nature of Cheryl in general, combined with her getting at least one killer bon mot per episode and Madelaine Petsch’s always compelling performance, her character is able to swiftly recover from these jarring transitions.

The same can’t be said for Mark Consuelos’ Hiram Lodge. Although you can see Consuelos trying his best to breathe some vigor into Hiram, the writers just seem to have no idea how to handle the character. This was most evident in the last half of this season, where Hiram was portrayed as an ineffectual joke (getting called a “little bitch” twice in the process). Suddenly after watching his emasculation for weeks, viewers are again supposed to view him as the ultimate threat, powerful enough to sneak back into a town where everyone is um, gunning for him to blow up Archie.

(Riverdale’s other current big bad is the Trash Bag Killer, a character who popped up in a brief scene to remind you that, oh yeah, he is still a plot point that the series needs to deal with at some point).

These kind of contrivances border on being contemptuous towards the audience. Riverdale can do better. It must do better. The inconsistency of characters is inexcusable, and a much bigger problem than the transparent — and almost certainly temporary — new “ships” on the show that are causing Twitter to implode as you read these very words. But these aren’t issues that can be solved easily.

Cheryl is too lovable of a character for her to permanently go “full dark no stars” and Hiram, well, does anyone really even remotely give a shit about this character anymore? It is a testament to Mark Consuelos’ enduring charisma that the dull void that is Hiram has any life left in him. When we last see the character he is driving away from Riverdale. For the show’s sake, it will hopefully be awhile before he returns. Perhaps by then the series’ will have figured out how to write its antagonists in a way that is both consistent and entertaining.

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Riverdale Rundown

Ship breakdown: Veronica is now with Reggie, Betty is with Archie, Jughead is with Tabitha, Toni is with Fangs. Plus there’s the rebirth of Falice as Alice and Frank have something brewing.

Does anyone believe for a second Archie and Betty are in danger? They weren’t shown in the promo during the credits, but c’mon. Archie’s abs can absorb the power of that bomb.

Eric Jackson has left Riverdale. Fare thee well, unimportant secondary character.

Am I crazy or was The Lodge Ledger never even mentioned before this episode? I remember Alice working for the Riverdale Register, but that was prior to the seven-year time jump.

Can we just take a minute to appreciate Alvin Sanders as Pop Tate? His scene with Erinn Westbrook as Tabitha tonight was my favorite moment in the show. A nice understated moment amidst all the chaos. Welcome back Pop, we dig your retirement look!

So where did all the water from the fire department go if it didn’t ruin the Whyte Wyrm?

Is Jughead, a man who less than a month ago turned in someone else’s novel as his own, a good choice to be teaching kids about journalistic ethics?

In a nice touch, the Ghoulie ingested some Jingle Jangle right before torching Pop’s.

Pop’s demise was the most upsetting fire involving a TV diner hangout since Chachi accidentally burned down Arnold’s on Happy Days.

Riverdale’s new logo declaring itself to be “The Town with Pop’s” made the heart of this longtime Archie comics reader soar.

Twin Peaks was a massive influence on this show’s creation, and now Riverdale has its own Agent Cooper.

So who you do think the Trash Bag Killer really is?

As for the FBI having a Riverdale Field Office, I totally buy this due to the sheer amount of bad shit that happens there. “God knows there’s enough crime here to last me several lifetimes,” Betty wisely declares.

The opening credits being shown over the smoke from the Pop’s fire really had me convinced that the show was doing away with one of its primary locations. Nice fakeout.

Given the licensing issues with Netflix, it’s not surprising that Chilling Adventures of Sabrina hasn’t been mentioned on Riverdale. That said, a main character is now a witch who has invoked Satan, so at least throw us a bone and give Greendale a shout out?

Someone should tell Fangs that the Serpents have been a joke since, umm, forever.

Pearls and Posh is now a front for a secret casino run by Reggie and Veronica. How will this cause friction with their friends who are trying to legitimize the post-Hiram town?

Kevin is heading to New York City to pursue his Broadway dreams. How will the show keep him in town?

We won’t have to wait long to see the aftermath of Abigail/Cheryl’s vow to “torment and destroy,” as the series returns on November 16th with a five-part story arc (apparently called Rivervale if the promo is to be trusted) that promises Midsommar-esque horror flourishes.

What are your thoughts on this season as a whole? My gut feeling is that it was the weakest to date, with the characters of Cheryl, Hiram, Kevin and, as always, Archie suffering some major disservices. However, it also had the Josie and the Pussycats backdoor pilot and the Next to Normal episodes, two of its strongest outings ever. Oh Riverdale, you frustrate me and I love you. We’ll be back here next month when the show returns.

The post Riverdale Needs To Solve Its Villain Problem appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[everybodyhasabrain]

It's not the future that you're afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious.

This month, we’ve been exploring anxiety and it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about the most popular EHAB quote ever (yet): “It’s not the future that you’re afraid of. It’s repeating the past that makes you anxious.” It’s from a post I made on Everybody has a Brain way back in 2012 when we were just getting started with the blog. Since then, its travelled across the tubes of the internet–it turns up in over 5 million Google results–even landing in a tweet by Khloe Kardashian. I’ll explain a few lessons from this well-travelled quote that are hopefully useful on your own journey of dealing with anxiety.

Share about your experiences.

It’s totally normal to be anxious about sharing personal experiences of mental health challenges. It’s very normal to react to that anxiety and hide our experiences out of fear of being judged or stigmatized or whatever. But it really helped me to recognize that reacting to that fear of being judged was no different than reacting to any fear. And since my mental health struggles had been all about trying to control and avoid feelings I didn’t like, I couldn’t work on recovery unless I spoke openly about my mental health and pushed into that fear. Choosing to hide would have been choosing to fuel the illness. I also would have been contributing to stigma in society. There’s only one way to break down prejudice and it’s not by waiting for other people to do it for you.

The vast majority of the time, nobody will care what you wrote. They won’t care enough to even stigmatize you. So find value in sharing for yourself. Not many people engaged with the original post when it went up. We had basically no followers. The only thing that would generate much energy back then on our blog was when people would criticize our posts for being about recovery from mental illness. We were posting stuff each week and it might have seemed like it was just tossing ideas into the bottomless pit of the internet. But somebody read it. You never know what will connect with people. But nothing will connect if you don’t speak up.

Create.

One of the most powerful tools we can use to tame anxiety is creativity. For me, a huge part of recovery has been learning how to experience feelings I don’t like while doing something I value, and that something has often been creative, whether it’s creating videos or books or breakfasts. You can feel anxious while you create something you value. You can learn how to have any feeling or thought or voice or image. Being creative, on its own, is a powerful, fulfilling act. You can accept the stuff in your head and create, simply to create. It doesn’t even have to look “good”.

Right now, I wouldn’t post an image like the original graphic the quote comes from. I remember making this image. I had this idea it’d be cool to share hand-drawn quotes from a homemade whiteboard. But then I thought it looked a bit boring, and the lighting was terrible when I took the photo, so it got its pinkish hue from me messing with the filters in Photoshop. But does it look nice? It’s a weird colour combination and the hand writing isn’t spaced in a way I find particularly appealing or interesting. I don’t know if any of my stuff looks good but I think it’s safe to say that, objectively, I’ve made gooder [sic] things. And that’s ok. We can’t learn recovery skills without failing at recovery skills. We don’t learn how to swim without sinking. We don’t learn how to cook without serving up some terrible meals. One of the benefits of creating, in whatever way you want to create, is that you get to fail often and quickly. And then you create more. You take more steps. This is so important to remember as you take on a complex challenge like recovering from mental illness. Don’t wait to get anything perfect or make the thoughts go away. Take a step, put yourself out there, see where you are, and then take another step in a direction that matters to you.

Work on healing those wounds you’re carrying around with you.

The reason for writing this quote, originally, was because I always thought of anxiety as being about my fear of bad things happening in the future. I thought it was the anticipation of disaster. But as I cut out compulsions and started making changes in my life to overcome the struggles with mental illness, I saw that anxiety was really rooted in past experiences I was dragging around with me–wounds that I’d never let heal because I was constantly picking them to make sure they healed.

It’s not always easy to see the connection with a past experience and a present anxiety about a future possibility. But sometimes it’s a simple as recognizing that we had bad experiences with uncertainty in the past and something totally new we’ve just run into is causing uncertainty now, so we get anxious. We learn to fear uncertainty and try to control it, even though we start to hate the long-term consequences of those controlling compulsions.

When we keep the focus on the future possibilities we’re afraid of, we miss out on the fact that we’re the ones carrying around the problems from the past in the present. As long as we hold onto those old beliefs and judgments and desires, we’ll keep experiencing the anxiety. It’ll keep holding us back. We’ll keep repeating the past in the hope of avoiding it.

When I saw the quote on Khloé Kardashian’s Instagram and Twitter feeds, I was making a presentation about using social media to talk about mental health. I didn’t think too much about why the quote was there. But while writing this, Entertainment Tonight filled in the gaps for me: apparently Khloé posted the quote after an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where they were talking about her divorce proceedings. And when a relationship doesn’t go the way we want it to, I’d say that’s definitely the time to look at what we might be carrying around with us from the past. Are you making decisions in the present that are best for the present or about reacting to the past? What are you going to change in your next relationship? Are you trying to avoid an injury that you’ve already experienced? Are you looking for people outside of you to fix pain inside of you? How did those past experiences shape your beliefs about yourself? Are those beliefs useful to you?

We can stop traveling in circles but we’ll need to give up some of the misleading directions we got in the past.

- Mark

[imaginaryculturepress-blog]

Placebo Postpone Perth Performance

In which Placebo cancel their Perth show, and we find out hella late. 

Hi, hello, and welcome!


 My name is Skyler and instead of choosing a simple title for this post, I decided upon the worst tongue-twister I could think of. Thank me later. 
 As you all would've heard by now, Placebo's 20th anniversary show in Perth has been cancelled. I may have had a mental breakdown and screamed at a staff member. ... Yeah, not a nice time. Not family friendly, either.


Let's backtrack a bit, back to this morning. Perth Placebo fans would've awoken with "Pure Morning" ringing in their heads, excited and potentially having a heart attack at the thought of the marvellous day that would ensue. Placebo, England's greatest band (following Pink Floyd and Iron Maiden), were in town and about to kick off their Australian tour. We were all honoured to be in their presence, even if some of us were fifty kilometres away. We were ecstatic, enthusiastic, even tipsy at the thought of it. 
 Now, at the same time, Brian Molko would've been up as well. He would've noticed that he wasn't feeling well, and probably informed his management. Everyone was aware that no matter how many meds he'd take, even if he took the ones he'd previously forgotten to (just let me reference), there was no way he could recover in time for the show. Perhaps he was determined to play their set, to avoid disappointing the fans. It sounds like such a precious thing to do, and is definitely something you'd expect of a band this dedicated to their music and audiences. So they continued on with the day. 
 Perhaps his condition worsened. I hope not. But regardless, by the time it was 5:30pm, there was a queue of eager concert-goers at the box office. There were your die-hard fans, groupies, generally nice people just out for a good time and good music, sly photographers such as myself, and friends who were dragged along for the hell of it. I'd spent the entire day freaking the hell out; this would be the largest concert I'd ever photographed, and I wasn't sure if I was ready. It's not the photography part that made me shake, but the idea that such an inspirational band would be right before my lens, and a crowd of their biggest supporters would stand behind me. It was a privilege I wasn't sure I deserved, and I was determined to make everyone (predominantly myself) proud. I was even planning the blog post, and had documented numerous moments leading up to this moment. Who knew that waiting in line would become a post of its own? 
 5:45pm rolled past. Still nothing. 
 5:53pm. We were getting nervous. The box office was still closed and we didn't know what was happening. It was just... odd. I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to find out why this was taking so long. 

Thus, I walked over to Entry A, where security guards and event staff were walking in and out of the venue. Throwing away the remains of my lunch, I headed in the direction of a dude who seemed to know what he was doing. But, as always, by the time I did this, he'd vanished into the venue. And so, also as always, I subconsciously began talking to myself... aloud. I probably wouldn't have realised if I wasn't being offered weird looks. 
 Returning to the line, I tried to regain my dignity and confessed to having no new information. But maybe the answer lies on the other side of the venue? I ran back out in search of answers, where a couple dozen fans were lined up. There was no staff around, but Sheraton's Four Points was blasting "Every You Every Me", which was greatly appreciated. By this point, others were also seeking information. Soon enough I stumbled upon a guy with "crowd control" credentials. 
 Me: Hi, uh, hello, I'm a photographer and am supposed to pick up my press pass but have no clue as to where I ought to go and the box office is closed and I'm freaking out and hELP ME. 
 Guy: Okay, yeah, please repeat like all of that. 
 Me: *Repeats all of that.* 
 Guy: Oh. Well you should go to the box office. 
 Me: *Distressed* I just came from there! It's closed! *Sighs* Look, this is my first time shooting here. I'm just really confused. 
 Guy: Haha, don't worry, it's my first time working here as well. I suppose go check with admin? They'll know more than I do. Just on the side of the building over there. *Points.* 
 Me: THANK YOU. 
 So I ran back to report to the team. And by team I mean the random people I'd never even met but was becoming indirectly acquainted with. One woman was saying that she was already at admin, and they told her to come to this place. Regardless, I took off to find these mystical admin creatures.  
 After almost getting run over by carefree cyclists, I reached my destination.


Me: Hi, hello, my name is Skyler and I'm supposed to be picking up a photo pass but the box office is closed and I don't know what to do. 
 Security guard: ...I just do bag checks. 
 Me: *Sighs, opening backpack.* 
 Security: What's all this? 
 Me: Camera gear! I told you, I'm a p h o t o g r a p h e r. 
 Security: Okay, okay, go in. 
 And so I did. There were two ladies at the desk and a few company representatives walking around. It felt too fancy for a teenage photographer who had ketchup and rosemary stains on her worn out jeans. Regardless, I proceeded to talk to one of the staff members. 
 The lady was quite friendly and helpful, calling up Ticketek and asking what the hell was going on. The other woman was on the phone to someone about Placebo tickets. 
 Woman on phone: Yes, there are still tickets available. You can purchase them at the box office here. They're open from 5:30, so they're working now. 
 Me: No, they're not... 
 I was soon told that Ticketek has been advised, by the event organisers, to delay the box office opening. Greaaat. Time to update the team. 
 Unsurprisingly, nobody was pleased. We started complaining to each other, and were all bonding over our displeasure. I even met a wonderful lady who was interested in my work, and asked for my website. Unfortunately I didn't catch her name, though if she's reading this: hello! Please comment below so we (I) know who you are, you were very nice and supportive of my photography (: also I hope everything goes well with having to fly in and out for the show and with getting your tix! Hopefully they reschedule and actually stick to their arrangements, haha. 
 6:19pm. We've been here for ages. Sure, all of us have encountered worse scenarios and waited in longer queues. But the sheer disorganisation and miscommunication - sorry, lack of communication - was becoming oddly suspicious. Finally we get an update, in the form of papers stuck to the box office windows. To paraphrase: "Box office hours have been delayed. We apologise for any inconvenience caused." (Side note: I love how they put "any" inconvenience, as if only a couple of us may have potentially been affected by this.) 
As if we needed that now, after all this freaken time! If a few of us hadn't complained in the first place, they probably wouldn't have even bothered putting that up. But regardless of what sign they put up, we still had to wait. And wait. And wait. And wait some more. 6:27pm. Any moment now. I felt the energy and excitement rush back into me as the security guards readied at the doors. Fresh from their debriefings, they were preparing to quarantine concert goers left and right. 6:32. Slight extra delay, but that's alright; it always happens. 6:39. I tried reassuring myself that everything would be fine... but deep down, I knew this wouldn't end well. The were rumours now spreading throughout the entire crowd about the show's cancellation. We were nervous. Of course we didn't want to come back another time! Who would?! 6:42. The promotional image above the venue doors change as the conspiracies become reality: "Tonight's event has been cancelled due to illness. We apologise for any inconvenience." Again with the "any inconvenience", I see. I laughed. Most people didn't. The reality hadn't sunk in. I wasn't believing it. Surely it had to be a bad dream? This was a major event for me and everyone else around me. I'd heard so many precious stories, from people flying in for the show to a man's daughter losing $900 worth of tickets. Most appeared to be truly heartbroken. You could see it in their eyes; the dreaded realisation that they wouldn't be seeing the iconic Placebo perform. After eleven years since their last tour Down Under, we were met by disappointment. We got our tickets - some easier than others - and headed back to train stations, bus ports and car parks. Now, I do want to point something out: in no way am I blaming Bryan. I wish him a speedy recovery and a restful few days. But the fact that their management and specifically the venue were so careless in their handling of the matter, leaving everyone waiting overtime to find out, is completely unacceptable. Surely they found out earlier. The way they handled themselves, failing to have an actual person say anything to the crowds, or to even address the public about their delays in time, was unprofessional and to be frowned upon. For a place that promotes "world-class" experiences, Perth Arena truly underperform. **** **** **** Well that sucked. Hopefully they reschedule the show. If anyone comes across any new information regarding the show, please comment down below. Also, tell us your story of the event. I know that I seemed to overdramatise the occasion, though if you saw the sadness in some people's eyes, you would be making extremely similar comments. Until next time, Live long and headbang, -Skyler Slate


[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

Sorry for the delay! I know I promised at least 3 chapters this week, and I’m doing  my best to keep true to my word, but sometimes life gets in the way a little bit. I’ve been going through some shit and I just had no desire to write or do anything to be completely candid, so I had to take some time to myself to sort a few things out and come to the realization that I need to actually deal with my problems instead of getting drunk and hanging out with my friends to pretend that everything in life is fine when it definitely is not…

So without further ado…Chapter 8! Click here to refresh your memory of Ch. 1-7 and keep an eye out for Chapter 9 AND a special little bonus story (more on this in the Author’s note at the very end) I wrote that should be posted very, very soon! 😁😏

Cause for Concern

It had been over a week since Rae had seen Finn at work and she had been keeping a near constant eye on the door to their office whenever she was working, in the event he would be walking into work at a different time than usual, but that was never the case.

Without Uni taking up a large portion of Rae’s time, she has been able to pick up more shifts at work and by busying herself with work and spending time with family in preparation for Christmas—which was a little more than a week away—she has found it much easier to keep Finn off her mind.

She had even began talking to some other people at work recently—including two of Finn’s closest mates, Chop and Peter—after coming into work one morning to realize that Izzie had ditched the desk she had been sitting at for nearly two months and was currently sitting next to Chop discussing video games.

“Hiya Izz…I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Rae asked, giving Izzie a smirk which caused her to blush and turn back to face her computer screen.

“ ‘Course not, babygirl! I don’t think we’ve ever been properly introduced…I’m Chop! And you go by ‘Rae’, right?” Chop asked, giving Rae a wink and a cheeky smile that brought attention to the gap between his front teeth.

“Nice to meet ya Chop! And yeah, Rae as in Rachel, not Raymond…because boobs…” Rae replied, mentally kicking herself for making the conversation weird by drawing unnecessary attention to her chest.

“No kidding! I’ve heard a lot of great things about you from Izzie and Finn and some of the others, but it’s great to finally put a, uh, face to the name!” Chop glanced briefly at Rae’s chest before returning his eyes to meet hers.

“Oi, Peter! This gorgeous girl here is Rae, the one we’ve been hearing all about for months!”

“Oh, so you’re the girl Finn never shuts up about! Great to finally meet you, after all this time!”

They’ve been hearing about me for months? And what does he mean “all this time” Finn hasn’t even been friends with me for very long.

“So Rae…I’m a big fan of giving people nicknames, so since you’re very clearly not a Raymond…can I call ya ‘Raemundo’?” Rae laughed and sighed with feigned disappointment before nodding.

Well, I’ve certainly been called worse nicknames before…

They were both a lot of fun and she could certainly see why Finn was friends with them, although in comparison Finn was indubitably the quiet and more introverted member of the group.

Wow, it’s amazing how many people there are to talk to here at work when your attention isn’t consumed by one particular dickhead…

***

She had been working every day for just over a week when Rae began to notice that she was feeling particularly lethargic and tired at work—which was really saying something as Rae often had to struggle to stay awake and motivated at work.

When Rae returned to her apartment after work on Friday, she was feeling severely worn out and decided that it was still early enough for her to relax and lounge in her bed before she had to meet her friend, Rebecca, to hang out.

I don’t have to meet Rebecca until later in the evening, so maybe I have time to get a quick nap in…

Rae awoke with a start when she heard her cell phone ringing on the floor beside her bed, where it must have fallen from her hand when she had fallen asleep.

Five missed calls, a few texts, and Rebecca has been blowing up my Snapchat for nearly an hour!

Wait…FUCK! What time is it?

Rae briefly checked the time at the top of her cell phone and upon noticing that it was much later than she anticipated, she quickly tapped Rebecca’s contact in her phone to finally call her back.

“Rebecca! Fucking hell, I’m so sorry I missed all your calls and texts and whatnot! I must have fallen asleep as soon as I got in from work!” Rae began the conversation breathlessly as soon as she heard Rebecca answer the call. She was still trying to shake herself from the deep sleep she had been pulled from and defog her mind to figure out how long she had actually been asleep for.

“It’s okay, Rae! I’m just glad to hear you’re alright! If you didn’t respond soon, I was going to drive to your apartment and break in to make sure that you weren’t dead, or worse, ignoring me!” Rebecca replied, causing Rae to chuckle because she always had a way to make any situation positive with her laid-back personality.

“Were you still wanting to hang out tonight, Rae? We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t wanna…we can just order some delivery and watch movies or something?”

“I’m so sorry Rebecca, but now that I’m waking up a bit more from my nap, I’m realizing that I feel like complete and utter shit and I don’t wanna contaminate you if I’m coming down with a cold or the flu or the plague or something…Can we just postpone for a bit?”

“Of course we can reschedule! I don’t want my little Rae of sunshine to be feeling sick, so take some time to yourself to relax and recover and I’ll be more than happy to spend time with you whenever you’re feeling up to it. Just let me know when you’d wanna meet up.”

���Thanks for being so understanding, Rebecca! I haven’t a clue what I would do without you in my life, my darling!”

“Likewise! And if you need me to bring you any cold medicine or soup or just want some company to play Doctor and nurse you back to health, you know you can always call me!”

Rae and Rebecca said their goodbyes and Rae tapped the red button on her phone screen to end the call.

The sun had long since set and Rae knew that it would be a good idea to get some food into her stomach before she fell back asleep, as she could already feel her eyelids growing heavy for sleep again; however, as Rae sat upright in her bed and spun to hang her feet over the side of her bed and stand up, she was hit with a sudden wave of dizziness and nausea.

She lunged forward from her bed and darted toward the door leading to the bathroom connected to the opposite side of her bedroom.

Rae quickly leaned over the toilet an emptied the contents of her stomach before her legs gave out and she crumpled to the ground with her head gently resting on the cool porcelain bathtub next to the toilet.

When she was confident that she was not going to be sick again, she stood up shakily and rinsed out her mouth with water at the sink.

Holy shit, I look like death…

Rae examined her blurry face in the mirror of her bathroom before putting her glasses back on to get a better look at her face.

The natural pink liveliness of Rae’s face and cheeks was absent and replaced with a pallid shade that made the deep purple circles that had formed beneath her eyes from her lack of sleep these past few months much more prominent.

No longer interested in eating, Rae walked to her kitchen to get the kettle started to make some tea. The short distance from her bedroom to the kitchen had felt exceedingly far to Rae and she found herself getting dizzy and her legs too weak to fully support herself as she walked, so she took small, cautious steps and supported herself with any countertop, wall, and stationary object she could put some of her weight on to prevent from falling.

She leaned her back against the wall beside her stove as she waited for the water to heat for her tea, closing her eyes because the fluorescent kitchen lights were almost too bright to handle.

How could I have gotten so sick so quickly?

As Rae tried to determine the cause for her sudden illness, she realized that it was not in fact all that sudden. She had been under immense stress for the last month of Uni, she was not eating on a regular enough basis, and she had been having a lot of trouble sleeping for the last few months.

Rae seldom got sick, even when an illness was making its way around all her coworkers; however, the culmination of the stress, lack of sleep, and poor eating habits had weakened Rae’s immune system enough for her to catch whatever illness this was.

 She walked back to her bedroom with extra caution, since one of her hands was now carrying her favorite mug containing her go-to chamomile tea that would hopefully help her calm down and fall back asleep, and she set her cup on the bedside table before climbing back into her bed.

She remained lying in bed with her torso propped up by the pillows behind her, sipping her mug of hot tea as she read through all the missed texts and Snapchats from various people.

How come the one time people decide to text me and be social with me is when I am asleep and feeling like shit?

Rae finished her cup of tea, took some pain medicine to help get rid of the massive headache she had, and fell asleep yet again with the sound of the music she had put on playing quietly in the background.

***

Since Rae almost never gets sick, when she does it was always a few days before she would be feeling well enough to go back to her daily routine. She had missed nearly a week of work, spending her days confined to her bed and her apartment until she finally felt well enough to get ready and leave her apartment on Thursday afternoon.

“Hello daring! It’s so good to see you Rae! You look much better in-person than you have been in your snapchats all this week…”

“Wow, thanks, Rebecca! Tell me how you really feel,” Rae quipped with a tone of mock hurt as Rebecca brought her into a tight hug after Rae opened the door to her apartment to see her friend waiting patiently outside.

“But really…I do feel a lot better. And I’m really glad we finally get to hang out today, I really missed seeing your smiling face around work every day!”

Rae quickly grabbed her leather jacket from her closet before meeting Rebecca outside her apartment and locking her front door.

“After you, m’lady…” Rebecca waved her arm with a flourish as Rae walked, leading the way down the steps from her second-floor apartment and towards Rebecca’s car in the parking lot.

As Rebecca drove to the restaurant they were going to for dinner, Rae sat in a comfortable silence in the passenger seat, watching the other cars on the road as they drove past.

Rae has always loved that her friendship with Rebecca felt so natural. While Rae loved Abigail and Chloe, she often wondered if they were actually still friends or if they had just remained in touch because they had known each other for close to a decade. Rae and Izzie were incredibly close friends now, but they had not become very close until they both made the decision a few months ago to receive extra training and change departments at work. Rebecca had not been able to move to the new department with Izzie and Rae in September, due to her hectic Uni schedule, but Rae and Rebecca’s friendship remained close despite working on opposite side of the building and they both still made it a point to visit each other and give each other hugs whenever they crossed paths and during their break times. Rae had only known Rebecca for about 6 months, but she could already tell that this was a friendship that would stand the test of time, even if they rarely had time to see each other at work.

Rebecca pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and the pair walked side-by-side to the entrance.

“Are you sure I’m not dressed too casually, Rebecca? This restaurant is much fancier than I had anticipated…I would have dressed for the occasion!”

“Not at all, you look perfect!” Rebecca said as she gave Rae a quick once over.

Rebecca was dressed in dark jeans and a simple black long-sleeved top and Rae was wearing a casual short black dress with matching tights and her favorite flannel shirt that she tied in a knot at the bottom where it hit her waist to accentuate her curves.

“If you say so…”

As soon as they were seated, a waiter wearing all black except for his crisp white button-down shirt poured them both glasses of water and set down a basket of bread for them to eat while they perused the menu.

Once decided on what they were each ordering, the waiter returned and Rebecca ordered her favorite Chicken Marsala dish and Rae just ordered a salad.

“Why do you have to do that to me, Rae?”

“What did I do?”

“You ordered a salad and now I look like I’m not dainty because I ordered a pasta dish that could feed a whole family!”

“Well, I rather like salad! I didn’t do it just to sabotage you, Rebecca!” Rae replied with a chuckle which caused Rebecca to laugh too.

“Okay, enough shenanigans…so a little birdy at work told me that there is a particular boy who has caught your eye…is that true or are my sources bullshitting me?” Rebecca quirked her eyebrow at Rae who had suddenly taken an interest in examining the piece of bread in the basket in front of her.

Well shit…I guess this was bound to come up in conversation sooner or later, huh?

“Well…uhm, sort of? It’s a really long story…”

“It’s a good thing I have no other plans for today then, huh? I love long stories!”

“Okay then…so this guy is one of my coworkers. I didn’t even know who he was for the first few weeks I was working in this department—I didn’t even know his name—he was just the quiet guy that stuck to himself and in the off-chance I’d see him I’d try to say ‘hi’ or something and he’d just shrug it off. He seemed like a total knob, basically…”

“…And? I sense a ‘but’ coming up where you realize that he’s this super sensitive guy because you saw him nursing a puppy back to life after work one day, right?”

“Not quite, Rebecca!” Rae said as she tried to contain her laughter in response to her friend’s crazy theory.

“Fine…no more of my theories…please continue with your story, Rae!”

“So he seemed like a total knobhead and I stopped trying to be his friend…BUT one day when I walked into work he complimented my shoes and I learned that his name was Finn…and he was vaguely civil for a bit. Then one day he randomly decides to sit in the desk next to Izz that I’m normally sitting in and…” Rae blushed at the memory of Finn’s flirting and blatant stares at her chest that particular day at work.

“ ‘And’ what? What did he do?”

Rae proceeded with the story and told Rebecca everything that she could remember from the 2 months that her and Finn have had this flirtation going on—his flirting, his propensity for staring at her chest and at her in general, the day she brought in cupcakes, the sniffing incident, and every other interaction worth mentioning.

“Wow…Rae, that’s crazy…this whole situation sounds like something straight out of a Romantic Comedy or Teen Romance novel or something!”

“I know! And now it’s been like two weeks since I’ve seen him at work and he is on my mind almost all the time because I have no fucking clue what is happening between us…”

“I see…have you told any other friends about the whole situation? To get some other opinions, you know?”

“Yeah…all my coworkers that know are practically convinced we’re already secretly a couple. A couple other friends from Uni and whatnot think there is definitely potential. One of my oldest childhood mates thinks that Finn and I wouldn’t work out and she’s been trying to convince me that Finn is probably dating our other coworker Hannah, since they have been talking so much lately. I’m not entirely convinced by any of their interpretations of the situation, but I don’t know…”

“Well, I can’t say for sure whether or not there is something more than friendship there because I’ve never seen your interactions firsthand, but I’d say probably trust your coworkers who see both of you on a regular basis and witness all your flirting in-person…I’d be hesitant, but don’t psych yourself out to the point that you overthink things…just let things unfold as they will and keep me updated on everything that happens between the two of you!”

“Deal!”

Rebecca and Rae’s food arrived almost as soon as they finished discussing the confusing situation with Finn and they began to dig into their food and discuss much lighter topics about what their plans for the next two weeks before Uni starts again.

***

Rae walked into work on Friday hesitantly, and although it had only been a week since she had been at work because she had been so sick, the entire office looked foreign to her. She looked around in awe at the Christmas lights along the perimeter of the office and wrapped around the some of the desks as well as the Christmas tree in the far corner of the office that had evidently been put up during her absence.

As she walked to the side of the office building in which she worked, most of her coworkers turned towards her with looks of joy on their faces.

“Rae!!”

“Rae-Rae, you’re back!”

“RAEMUNDOOOO! I thought you had skipped town on me!!”

Archie, Izzie, and Chop called out as Rae walked toward the empty desk beside Izzie, all of them giving her tight hugs in the process.

“Sorry for being a bit M.I.A. lately, I was really ill for the last week…” Rae responded as she logged into her computer and got caught up on all the emails she had missed after being gone from work for a whole week, earning comments of sympathy and concerned understanding from her coworkers.

After a couple hours at work Rae noticed that Izzie, Archie, and a few other people were beginning to log out of their computers.

“Where are you lot going?” Rae asked Izzie and Archie, clearly confused.

“We’ve been over-staffed all this week and John has been letting most of us go home early…you can ask him about leaving early too, if you wanna…” Izzie replied, gesturing with her head towards their supervisor, John, who was sitting at his desk in the far corner of their side of the building.

“No, I’ve missed enough work already, Izz. I’m fine with working today, since I’ll have the next few days off for Christmas anyways.” Rae smiled and waved at her coworkers as they scanned their badges at the machine on the wall and left the building.

“Hey Rae, is it alright if I move over here? That way we’re both not sitting alone…” Hannah asked, hesitantly taking the seat next to Rae that had previously been occupied by Archie.

“Yeah, of course. You decided not to go home early?”

“Well I already told my boyfriend to pick me up from work when I get off at noon, so what’s another two hours of work, you know?”

Rae tensed at the mention of Hannah’s boyfriend and she recalled all the times she saw Finn and Hannah walking into work together and sitting next to each other at work and what Chloe had told her recently about Finn and Hannah most likley being a couple. She shook away those thoughts and put on a fake smile before continuing.

“So you have plans with your boyfriend after work, huh? That’s good…How is he? I, uh…I haven’t seen Finn around work recently…”

Wait, did you really just say what I think you said, Rae!?!

“Whoa! Finn is definitely not my boyfriend! Did ya really think that we were a couple? Well, I suppose that explains some things…” Hannah was laughing incredibly hard at what Rae had insinuated, but Rae still felt like she was missing the joke.

If Hannah thinks her and Finn together is a joke, just imagine what she and everyone else would think of me and Finn together, not that that could ever happen…

“My boyfriend JAMES, is taking me to visit his family at their vacation home in the mountains for the weekend. And it’s a long drive, so we have to leave pretty early.” Hannah replied when she had regained her composure from laughing.

Rae nodded and got back to work for a little while before she heard Hannah speak up next to her again.

“So I haven’t seen you around work at all recently. How have you been since the semester ended?”

Rae and Hannah continued chatting about their lives since the semester of Uni ended, and Rae mentioned that she had been sick for a while, which is why she had been missing some work.

“Yeah, someone was asking about you the other day and I told him I hadn’t seen you in a while. Then I heard from Izzie, I think, that you had been sick, so I told him that the next time he asked about you. Nobody had seen you at work in about a week and he was—well we both were—concerned that you were still sick!”

“Yeah, I wasn’t feeling well from Friday until Wednesday and then yesterday I just spent the day with a friend since I was feeling a lot better. So I’m all better now and there’s no further cause for concern…wait, who was asking about me?”

Hannah remained focused on her computer screen, pretending that she didn’t catch the last thing Rae had said, “That’s good to hear that you’re feeling better now!”

“Who was it that you said had asked about me? I feel like pretty much everyone I talk to at work knew that I was sick because I had been texting them or I saw them at work this morning…” Rae was still not prepared to drop this topic until Hannah gave her an answer.

“Oh, well, he hasn’t been at work lately either. I was just texting him and he asked about you…”

The clock on their computers changed to noon and the machines on the wall chimed to signal the new hour and Hannah jumped from her seat, giving Rae a quick goodbye and calling “Happy holidays” to no one in particular as she sped out of the office before Rae could ask any more questions about who had been asking about her.

I don’t talk to very many guys here at work…Arch knew I was sick because I asked Izzie to tell him last Friday. Peter and Chop probably knew I was sick from Izzie as well, but they would have just asked how I was doing when they saw me at work today, right?

We’re a pretty small and tight-knit team, so who hasn’t been at work lately to hear the news I had been sick?

Well, there was one person…

Finn Nelson.

@eveerez @tinakegg @hey1tskat1e @bitchesbecrazy89 @kneekeyta @milllott @protectfinnnelson @arathewallflower @jackiewalsh2013 @pink-royaute @i-dream-of-emus @lurkernolonger @bitchy-broken

A/N: Oh no! Where ever could good ‘ol Finnley be if he hasn’t been at work lately!?! 😱I’d love to hear some of your theories before the next chapter reveals the truth…😏😏 Also: how sketchy was Hannah being in this chapter? Why didn’t she just come right out and say what we’re all thinking and say “Finn asks about you…” she’s an odd girl at times, I suppose…

So I’m gonna break away from this series of stories to post a little story that didn’t fit in well with the timeline for this multi-chapter fic, so I made it into a one shot. Since it’s not technically part of this story, I’m not gonna automatically tag anyone in it, but if you want to be tagged in this little story, just let me know and I’ll happily oblige!

As always, I can never thank you all enough for reading, liking, rebloging, and just showing your appreciation for my writing. It truly does mean the world to me. ❤️❤️❤️