#hopefully then i can stop hurting about it

[andvys]

Dancing with our hands tied | S.H.

Chapter eighteen ⭐︎ Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me

Warnings: 18+ minors don't interact! smut smut smut, fluff, mentions of bullying, mentions of the upside down, unprotected sex, mentions of unrequited feelings

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Steve takes another step towards you, one that might change everything, hopefully for the better.

Word count: 9.7k+

Author's note: always a pleasure working with @hellfire--cult hehe. we're getting closer to the best scenes roe ♡

Series Masterlist ⭐︎ Previous Chapter

♡

A shrill noise, distant ringing sounds through the house. You’re in and out of sleep as you try to register where the sound is coming from, you open your eyes to the bright lights coming from the TV in your living room, a groan falls from your lips and you squint your eyes when you feel the pain in your neck from the uncomfortable position you had fallen asleep in. You rub your tired eyes and turn your head to look at your best friend who is sleeping deeply on the other side of the couch, snoring loudly and completely unfazed by the flashing lights from the horror movie playing on your TV screen or the loud ringing of the telephone. 

The obnoxious sound coming from the kitchen continues, forcing you to get up. You nearly trip over Eddie’s sneakers as you rush out of the living room and into the hallway, your mind is still sleeping, your eyes still tired, the ringing hurts your ears and you grab the receiver as soon as it’s in reach. 

“Hello?” You grumble, leaning your head against the wall and closing your eyes again as you stand in the dark kitchen. 

“Hey Blondie.” 

The sweet sound of his voice fills your heart with life and your stomach with butterflies, your eyes shoot open and you instantly straighten your back. 

“Steve?” Your voice only above a whisper as you hold the receiver a little tighter than before. 

“Did I wake you, honey?” He murmurs, sending shivers down your spine with the raspiness in his voice. “I’m sorry if I did, I-I just wanted to hear your voice… I uh, I just dropped Robin off, we talked for a while.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat as your eyes widen. 

He wanted to hear your voice. 

He called just to hear your voice. 

He makes your heart swell in your chest just with a few simple words, words that hold so much meaning to you. 

But then you remember what happened only a few hours back.

And just like that the swelling and the warmth in your heart fleets away and anxiousness fills it instead. 

What did they talk about? 

Robin didn’t seem quite fond of you when you left his car earlier, the tone in her voice and the glare that she directed at you were proof of that. 

What if she talked some sense into him and told him to stop seeing you, that you are both going nowhere with this?

“Oh…” You mutter, not knowing what else to say. 

You play with the cord, wrapping it around your finger as you start bouncing your knee, waiting for his next words. 

“Are you okay?” You add in concern. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. She uh, she won’t say anything so… we can still… if you want?” He asks and clears his throat to hide the shakiness in his voice but you caught it. “Because I wanna keep doing it.” 

If you want? 

You’d keep going with this for the rest of your life if he wanted it, no matter how badly it hurts to be nothing but a little secret, not having him at all, would hurt so much more.

Relief follows quickly, despite the anxiety that still lingers but something tells you that Robin won’t be as accepting of it as Eddie is.

“I want to keep seeing you too, Steve.”

You hear his breathing, the way it stutters, the way it always does before a smile appears on his face. It makes your own lips curl into a smile as your shoulders relax and you slump against the wall.

“Good,” he whispers and you hope that you aren’t mishearing the happiness in his voice. 

“Good,” you repeat after him, unable to fight the smile off your face. 

You want to ask how the conversation went, what she asked, what she wanted to know but you don’t want to ruin this moment between you. 

You can leave it for another time, you can wait, just like you always do. 

“Is Eddie still there?” 

“Yeah, he passed out on the couch and I’m afraid he’ll wake up with a stiff neck tomorrow.” 

Steve’s chuckle makes your stomach flutter again.  

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

You nod with a smile on your face, “yeah.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come home with you,” he murmurs after a moment of silence. 

“It’s okay,” you whisper, trying not to sigh, trying not to show how sad you are that he isn’t here with you. The nights you spent alone in your bed are long over. “You needed to talk to Robin…”

He is silent, for a long moment he says nothing and only breathes as he stands in his kitchen, the only source of light coming from the small lamp on the counter, he stares into nothing as he contemplates asking if he can come over because he doesn’t want to spend the night without you, he doesn’t want to go to sleep without the warmth of your body atop of his, your soft breathing on his skin and your hands holding onto him as you unknowingly cling to him in your sleep, he doesn’t want to miss it, not even for a single night. 

“Steve?” 

Your voice sounds like a blessing to his ears now, the emotions that rush through him are no longer confusing him. 

“Yes?” 

He waits for you to speak but you are hesitating, only your soft breathing sounds through the phone. He hopes that you’ll ask him to come, he hopes that he can wrap his arms around you tonight, after all. 

“... Eddie ate your pringles.”

He raises his brows and tilts his head to the side, this is not what he wanted to hear but he can’t help but laugh. 

“And your butterscotch ice cream too.” 

He leans his head against the wall behind him, a smile of amusement appearing on his face. 

“I had to hide your kitkat’s so he wouldn’t eat them too.” 

He closes his eyes and listens to your voice, waiting for you to continue. You could talk about anything to him, literally anything – gossip, music, make-up, clothes and shoes, the weather or some random movie he has never seen, he’ll happily listen to you.

“But he found them…” You say with a giggle, “I don’t know where all that food is going! Did you see how many burgers he ate at Hopper’s?” 

No, no he really didn’t pay attention to your best friend, he was too busy watching you. 

“He might have a hole in his stomach.”

You chuckle, “he might, yeah, or he just gets the worst munchies after he gets high.” 

“Yeah, speaking of, we haven’t done that in a while.”

The last time you got high together, you didn’t get the munchies, no, you got something entirely else, something much more satisfying. It started with slow kissing, soft touches and desperate moans, you made out and undressed each other, you marked his skin and he did the same to yours and left them in places only he could see, he sank to his knees and unraveled you with his tongue, he tore out the sweetest sighs and the prettiest moans from you and now that he thinks back to that moment, he can’t help but wonder what exactly he was high on, drugs or you? 

“What, getting high? We should do that but we’ll have to buy new snacks first, Eddie ate all your favorite ones and I definitely need to stock up on chips and candy but whenever I get high I just want to eat pizza and pasta and uh… I should probably stop talking about food or else I’ll get hungry again,” you murmur the last part and place a hand on your stomach when you feel it grumbling. 

He smiles fondly and an idea pops in his head. 

"Pasta, huh?" He mumbles as he takes a look around his kitchen, “you’re staying with me tomorrow night, right?” 

“...If you still want me to, yes.” 

After his realization, he wouldn’t even mind you staying with him permanently and these thoughts swirl inside his head in full honesty. 

“I do want you to,” he nods even though you aren’t there to see, “well, I promised that I’d cook for you, remember?” 

Your cheeks heat up at his words and the permanent smile on your face grows bigger. 

“Mhm.”

“Let me cook for you tomorrow night, Blondie.” 

You bite your lip, unsuccessfully holding back the grin as giddiness rushes through your bones, making you unable to stand still. 

“I won’t say no to that, Steve.” 

Steve’s cheeks almost hurt from the grin on his lips as he heard the excitement in your voice, his own growing bigger and bigger as he already begins to count down the minutes until you’re back in his arms and here with him, hearing your voice isn’t enough, he needs to see you, to feel you, he needs you by his side. 

But for now, this will have to do. 

You both talk, not minding the late hour in the slightest as you both stand in your kitchen’s and giggle into your phones, feeling like teenagers all over again, each of you wearing lovesick smiles on your faces and happiness in your eyes, fluttering feelings in your hearts and in your stomachs – reactions and feelings now mutual and no longer one sided. 

Your teenage self would stare in awe if she saw you now, the happiest smile would play on her lips, she might even be jumping around. 

King Steve would be… surprised but maybe not unpleasantly so, there was more to him than he ever wanted to admit. 

Steve knows it now. 

When he hears your giggle, that sweet sound that lights up everything inside of him now, he knows. 

He never wants to miss your laughter again, he never wants to miss your voice, he never wants to miss you. He doesn’t even want to hang up the phone, not even when you make the promise that you will call him again with the phone upstairs in your room, when your makeup is off and you’re comfortable under your warm covers. 

And you, you rush out of the kitchen the moment you hang up the phone, with a fluttering heart and huge smile on your face, you make your way back into the living room, despite knowing you’ll be unsuccessful in waking your best friend and trying to get him into the guest room. 

A part of you feels relieved to see him asleep though – you don’t need him to see your blushing face. 

He is snoring into one of the pillows, his bangs covering his eyes, he is taking over the entire couch now, his knee angled weirdly as his arm hangs down, fingers grazing the carpet. You chuckle to yourself and step towards him, you lean down and wrap a gentle hand around his wrist, bringing his arm back up so he won’t deal with any soreness in the morning. You reach for a blanket and place it over his body before you turn off the TV. 

And as you quickly make your way upstairs, rushing into your bathroom to brush your teeth and take your makeup off, Steve is already in bed, staring at the phone on his nightstand, waiting for your call. 

With his arms tucked behind his head, the covers over his body, he feels warmth surrounding him as your smell lingers in his room, on the covers and the sheets, the pillow that is now yours – your side of the bed empty to his dismay, it almost feels weird to lay here without you when only months back, this was all he knew, an empty bed that he had never shared with anyone until you stepped into his life and came to steal his heart. 

And he never wants to share it with anyone else again, only you. 

The ringing of the phone doesn’t even last for two seconds before he picks it up and speaks your name into the receiver, earning a breathy chuckle from you.

“Missed me?” 

He hears the rustling of your sheets and how you try to get comfortable in your bed – oh, how he wishes he was there with you. 

“Mhmm thought you went to sleep without me,” he murmurs into the phone as he pulls at the cord of the telephone and turns on his side, sinking his face into your pillow and breathing in your scent. 

“Without talking your ear off first? Never.” You joke. 

Steve chuckles, shaking his head, “you can talk my ear off anytime, honey. Tell me about your day.” 

“We spent half of the day together.” 

“Exactly, half.” He says as a yawn escapes him and his eyes grow tired, lashes beginning to flutter. “And half of that day was spent listening to the teens bickering.” 

“Okay, yeah you’re right,” you say with a smile on your face and sink deeper into the side that you don’t usually sleep on, you breathe in the cologne that lingers on your pillow and close your eyes as you start talking about anything that comes to mind, the movie you watched with Eddie, the shopping trip you went on with El and Max a few days back, the pretty necklace you saw in the small jewelry shop downtown, the flowers that started growing in your garden, your niece and how much you miss her. 

A smile tugs at his lips and he feels calmness in his chest, your voice makes him feel safe, so safe that it lulls him into sleep only minutes later as he lies in bed surrounded by the smell of you and the sweetest sound in his ear. 

And you don’t notice at first, continuing to ramble about something completely unimportant before you register the utter silence on the other line. 

“Stevie?” 

A light snore echoes, making you giggle when you realize that he had fallen asleep. 

You hold the receiver tighter in your hand and hold the covers against your chest, closing your eyes and staying on the line, listening to his breathing. You wish you could be with him, lay your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat instead. 

“Good night,” you whisper softly, though wishing you could say something else, something more. 

-

Music plays in the background, some Tears for Fears song. The mouthwatering smell of food lingers in the air, making your stomach grumble in anticipation, you sip on your cold white wine as you watch him with a smile on your face and blushing cheeks. 

He looks good, he always does but there is something more about him tonight, perhaps it’s the way he looks so sexy in his tight fitted black tank top and his Levi’s, arms sunkissed and his freckles and moles on full display for you, his hair messy yet styled perfectly or maybe it’s that slight rosy color in his cheeks along with the glowing in his eyes, the look of happiness deeply etched into his soft features or maybe it’s the fact that he is cooking for you. 

All day you had been so nervous, you paced around the house and busied yourself with cleaning and organizing drawers and your closet, feeling as though you were waiting on a date when you don’t even know what it feels like to go on one. This isn’t a date, no matter how much it felt like it when you started preparing for the night, when you took your sweet time washing your hair and scrubbing your skin soft, shaving and moisturizing every part of your body, putting makeup on your face and curlers into your hair, you painted your nails his favorite color and put on a dress that you wished would make him swoon. 

And it did, it does make him swoon, everything about you now does. 

You nearly knocked him off his feet when you appeared on his doorstep in this pretty new outfit that shows off your beautiful body and your soft skin that he craves to feel on his constantly. For the first time, Steve didn’t want to rip it off of you and take you, he found himself wishing to take it off slowly, kiss every inch of you softly and feel you in a whole new way, and he told himself he would, that he would take his time with you tonight, though it felt hard to keep his hands to himself when you walked through the door, he wanted nothing more than to pull you against him and kiss you breathless but not yet, he told himself, not yet. 

“It smells so good already,” you smile, watching how he stirs the sauce as you breathe in the smell of garlic and cheese. 

“Just wait until you taste it,” he winks at you. 

“So cocky,” you tease him with a chuckle, taking a sip of your wine before you step closer to him. 

“Well, you always love my breakfasts, honey,” he murmurs, putting the spatula down and checking on the pasta before he turns his body to you, looking you up and down with a lick of his lips. He steps closer to you and reaches his hand out to touch your waist, tearing a shaky breath out of you. 

You gulp. The smell of his cologne, the touch of his hand nearly cause your knees to buckle – it’s almost funny how your body still reacts like this, after everything you have done together, you still blush, you still swoon, your heart still flutters. 

Steve bites his lip as his eyes look at your own, his hand reaches for the glass in your hand and he takes it from you, putting it down on the counter before he grabs your waist with both hands, taking you by surprise when he picks you up with ease, his lips curl into a smirk when a small gasp escapes you and you clasp your hands around his biceps, holding on tightly, even when he places you on the counter, you still hold onto him. He pushes your legs apart a little, letting his hands move from your waist to your thighs as he steps between them. 

You suck in a sharp breath, your cheeks are burning under his gaze, your skin heating up beneath his palms as his fingers disappear underneath your dress. 

His lashes kiss his skin as he keeps blinking, his hazel eyes gazing into yours so differently than usual and it drives your heart crazy. 

But despite how bad you want to let yourself fall into delusions that there might be something other than lust in his eyes at this very moment, you have to remind yourself of what this is and what this isn’t supposed to be. 

“Mhm, your breakfasts are very good,” you nod, “but who would’ve thought that Steve Harrington would ever cook dinner for me, a fancy one too.”

Steve chuckles, leaning much much closer and deciding to make your insides tingle even worse than before when he brings his hand up towards your face and tucking the fallen strand of hair behind your ear. 

“Who would’ve thought that you would ever sit on my kitchen counter?” He teases, tilting his head to the side as his hand slips down your body and grabs at your hip. “I think your teenage self would gasp and glare at the you now.” 

A giggle falls from your lips, you shake your head – he couldn’t be more wrong. 

“Yeah, and King Steve would pour the wine over your head if he saw you cooking dinner for his number one enemy.” 

Steve chuckles. 

“Enemy,” he repeats after you as his eyes crinkle in amusement, “that’s cute.”

Does he know what his words do to you? 

Does he know what his touch causes? 

Does he know that your heart feels as though it will beat out of your chest after every small act of his? 

Because something inside of you, tells you that he is starting to know. His touch is softer, his eyes are too. 

“Cute?” You smirk and speak out confidently even though your palms grow sweaty and you suddenly feel shy beneath his gaze. “You think us being mean to each other was cute?” 

Steve shakes his head at you and to your disappointment, he steps away and returns back to the stove that he turns off after checking on the pasta. He reaches for a towel and wraps it around the handles of the pot, taking it off the stove, he steps further away from you and towards the sink. 

“No, you thinking that we were enemies is cute.” 

You press your palms against the counter and tilt your head to the side, your hair that he just tucked behind your ear, falling back in front of your face. You squint your eyes at him as a curious smile appears on your lips. “Were we not?” You ask, wondering what he saw you as during one of your worst times in your life. 

“I don’t think you’d be sitting here in this cute little dress if you were,” he smirks, winking at you before he turns away from you to drain the water from the pot, tilting his head back to avoid the steam. 

And you are grateful that he isn’t looking at you right now, the heat in your cheeks worsens and you suddenly don’t know what to do with your hands. 

You’re no stranger to Steve’s flirting, but it’s usually a little less intimate and under circumstances different from these, usually his flirty comments are there just to get in your pants – at least that’s what you think. 

“So… what was I then?” You ask, trying to keep yourself together, trying not to show how nervous his behavior is making you today. 

Steve places the pot back on the stove and he throws the towel over his shoulder and glances at you, a striking feeling cursing through him and catching him off guard. The evening sun is still high in the sky, shining through the windows and casting a golden glow over the kitchen and over you, kissing your beautiful skin and your shiny hair, the pretty color in your eyes glowing just like the rosy blush you put on your cheeks, the color matching your lipstick and the little dainty flowers on your dress, your lashes flutter every time you blink, your lips parting as you watch him with a cute look of curiosity in your features, your chest rises up and down softly, he can see the way your breathing stutters the longer you look at him though, it makes his lip twitch into a soft smile. 

He feels the beat of his heart, the fluttering and the sensation that has him in a chokehold, you steal his breath away, all the goddamn time, even when you’re not near, just the thought of you, the reminder of your touch and the image of you beneath his body is enough to nearly sink him to his knees. 

He stares at you, finding himself unable to look away and snap back. 

You look angelic under this golden light and he can’t stop from drinking you in, his eyes taking in every spot on your face, every feature, every edge, every curve – features he once thought were so sharp and shadowed by meanness are actually nothing close to that. 

You are soft, you are so gentle and vulnerable, nothing close to the girl he once thought you were. 

You showed him a side of you only the closest ones get to see. He should’ve known it was there, even before knowing you. 

He should’ve known when you jumped in to help fight against Vecna, when you were so protective over Max and Lucas, when you jumped in after him and saved him from the bats despite being a stranger of the horrors that waited for you on the other side, when you put a comforting hand on Eddie’s when he seemed anxious days and weeks after you were both released from the hospital, when he saw the sadness in your eyes after your fight during that one game night, when he saw how you treated your niece and the fourth of july – the night that changed everything. 

You were always right there, right before his eyes, always in reach yet never close enough to actually see. 

But now he sees you, the real you that you still try to bury underneath that rough exterior that is slowly crumbling, more and more, little by little. 

“Steve?” Your unsure voice calls out to him, pulling him out of his thoughts and back into the kitchen. You are staring at him, a flustered expression deep in your features as you look into his eyes. 

He doesn’t shy away from you, from the fact that he’s been caught staring as he lost himself in his thoughts. 

“Sorry… What? Got– I got a little lost there a bit.” 

You clear your throat, surprised by his words, you straighten your back and blink. 

“W-What were we… if we weren’t enemies?” 

Steve watches the way your lips move, the way you shift on the counter and pull your hands on your lap where your dress rides up the slightest bit, the way your perfume makes him want to bury his face in your neck and inhale more of it, the way you seem to become prettier and prettier, each passing second. 

He has to force himself to look away from you so he can come up with the right words. He cranes his neck and looks up at the ceiling, squinting his eyes and pursing his lips. 

“Well…” 

What were you to each other? 

What were you to him? 

Steve truly never saw you as an enemy, he didn’t like you, he couldn’t stand you for reasons he only now begins to see and understand, but you were never once his enemy. 

“I wanted to rip your hair out sometimes,” he jokes, making you chuckle, “but… I never wanted to make your life miserable. We weren’t in the same… groups or mindsets… but that never made us enemies.” 

A surprised but soft chuckle escapes you as you look up at him, your eyes trailing from his face to his neck where the hickeys that you have left are so visible to you. 

You believe him. 

As mean as he could be, there was never an evil side to him that wanted people to suffer or feel bad. Though you did feel miserable because of him but it was never Steve’s fault, it was your own, only your heart was to blame. If it didn’t get so attached to him, if it wasn’t his from the moment you laid your cynical eyes on him, his actions and words wouldn’t have hurt in the slightest, you would’ve brushed them off, you would’ve brushed him off, but you couldn’t, you were done for. 

But even if you could change it, if you could take your heart back and change your own feelings, you wouldn’t have done it, not even back then when you suffered nothing but sadness and heartache. Maybe you’re a masochist, or maybe just a hopeless romantic with too much hidden hope – hope that you yourself didn’t even want to admit to having, not until recently. 

“Hmm,” you hum and hook your finger around his belt, pulling him closer and between your legs, “and what am I to you now?” 

Your question catches him off guard once more, the look in your eyes so hopeful, though his own cannot see because the panic in him rises so quickly that it steals his breath away. 

What are you to him? 

What are you both to each other?  

He wishes you were his, he wants you to be his, and after last night’s realization, after seeing what he’s been craving all along, he wants you to be his girl, his only, tonight and for always. 

He doesn’t want this to be a short summer, he doesn’t want this to be a temporary relationship – he wants more, he wants a future, a future with you. 

But what do you want? 

What can he say to you when he only wants one thing? 

Steve knows exactly what to say, but he can’t give you the truth now, can he? 

He doesn’t want to ruin this, this night or this thing between you – he needs to find out more, he needs to be more sure before he risks something. 

“You’re my… friend.”

You try not to flinch at that word, you try to hide the pain in your eyes and the physical reaction from the stab in your heart. 

Of course this is what you are to him. 

A friend. 

“We’re friends,” he whispers. 

And you don’t even notice just how forced his own words come out of his mouth, how his eyes shift and the excitement leaves his features for a moment, how he doesn’t seem fond of his own answer. 

The bitterness on your tongue spreads and you have to reach for your glass of wine to take a sip and swallow it down. 

Tension rises between you but only for a moment because you both refuse to let a few words ruin this night for you. 

“Friends,” you nod and you too miss the way he flinches now, the way he scrunches his eyes as though pangs of pain hit him out of nowhere, the way he still places his hands on your thighs, the way a friend definitely shouldn’t. 

But you aren’t really friends are you? 

Because friends aren’t supposed to be this close and look at each other so longingly, they shouldn’t reach for one another the moment they’re close enough to touch, they shouldn’t meet up in secret to spend nights together and sit at dinner tables with each other, stare at one another with shiny eyes and giddy smiles as their hearts beat in sync through every emotion, they shouldn’t stare at each others lips and wait for the right moment to kiss, their fingers shouldn’t touch while they’re eating their dinner. 

And they certainly shouldn’t do this. 

Your lips are locked with his, you are kissing each other feverishly, your fingers are lost in his hair, his are digging into your sides as he pushes you towards his bed, not once did he break the kiss on the way up to the second floor, despite the giggles that threatened to escape when you both tripped a few times. 

Your heart is beating strongly against your ribcage, your skin feels hotter than ever as moans echo through his room. 

Steve’s lips mold against yours so perfectly, his hands hold you so tightly yet so gently and something feels so different today, feelings that are much more intense than usual are on overdrive tonight, something in the way he holds you feels so raw, so real. 

When your head hits the pillows and his chest presses against yours as he hovers over you, you remove your hands from his hair and slip them down his chest, reaching for the hem of his shirt, though to your surprise, he grabs your hands, gently, he pins them down but not harshly, the tips of his fingers brushing against your palms and when he breaks the kiss, you look up in confusion, not understanding why he stopped you, why he slowed you down. 

“What…?” You mumble.

Steve can’t help but smile at the cute frown on your face, your lips are puffy, your hair is a mess already. 

He feels nervousness rushing through his body but more so, he feels anticipation. 

“I want to try something new tonight,” he whispers before he presses another kiss to your lips, surprising you with the softness of it. “Is that okay?” 

You nod and whisper a small ‘yes’ despite not knowing what he means by that. 

“Do you trust me?” He asks as though he doesn’t hold your heart in the palm of his hand, as though you wouldn’t follow him blindly into anything. 

You don’t know what this means, how far he will take things tonight, how rough he will get or what the new thing is that he seemingly feels desperate to try but you would say yes to anything when it comes to him.

“I do,” you say only above a whisper. 

His lip twitches at that, his eyes lighten up and he wastes no time to connect his lips to yours again, closing his eyes and getting lost in it, in you. 

He realizes just how intimate all of this is, this night, these touches, yours and his words, and it’s all he wished for, all that he ever wanted, all that he craved and longed for. 

Before you, he saw a faceless woman by his side as he yearned for a deep connection, a kind of love he never experienced before, one that would not only bring him back to life but also consume him in every shape and form. He waited and waited, met new girls and took one after the other out, date after date and no future was still in sight until he had gotten so desperate that he had made peace with the fact that there was only one he had something real with – but even that was false, her love was never real, it was nothing but a delusion to him and he realized that his feelings weren’t real either, at least during his second try, they were only the result of desperation and loneliness. 

And he knows, he knows that this might not be real either, that you might not feel the same, that you might never feel the same but he doesn’t really care, especially not in this moment, when your fingers dig into his hair again and your lips move with his so naturally, so softly, like it’s the only thing meant to be. 

Your moans, your smell, your taste and your body beneath him makes him feel things he had never felt before. To feel you clinging to him and kissing him with so much passion makes his heart scream in joy, the heart that only beats for you now. 

Your tongues meet as his fingers pull the straps of your dress down your arms, grazing your skin with his touch, pulling out whimpers from you that shoot straight through him, making everything feel so much hotter. His palm slips down your chest and your waist before it falls to your hip where your dress had already ridden up to, his hand disappears under it but instead of reaching for your panties to yank them down your legs the way he usually would do, he just lets it rest there for a moment, needing to feel your warm, bare skin underneath his hand. 

Your chest rises up and down heavily, it’s pressed against his and he can feel how strongly your heart is beating, matching the pace of his own. 

He feels how desperate you are getting as you grab at his hair harder than before, bucking your hips up to meet his and he grants you your wish, grinding his erection against your core, he makes you both moan in pleasure. 

And when your lips break apart and you call out his name, Steve nearly crumbles. 

He leans down to kiss your neck and you tilt your head to the side, almost immediately, welcoming him to mark your skin up with love bites, and he does, his lips meet your skin, over and over again, kissing softly and sucking gently, he then moves down to your collarbone, leaving no spot unkissed. 

You pull your brows together so strongly, overwhelmed by his gentle touches and the feeling of his lips kissing you this way but you can only close your eyes and moan for him, savoring this very moment. 

“Steve…” You whimper as you feel the hot sensation flushing through you and burning in your core. 

He takes your dress off slowly, not quickly or desperately, he takes his time slipping it down your body. His large hand grabs at your hip, his fingers playing with the thin material of your panties as his lips are still latched onto your collarbone, that he pulls away from to take a look at you. 

There you lie beneath him in nothing but your matching underwear, your eyes hooded and filled with emotions you usually hide, your puffy lips are parted, your cheeks are flushed, you furrow your brows in need as you look up at him with pleading eyes. 

He sucks in a shaky breath as his heart skips several beats, your beauty, your soft skin, your smell, the look in your eyes all being too much for his poor heart. 

He is so genuinely done for – there is nothing he wouldn’t do for you, all you have to do is look at him with these eyes and he’d do anything you’d ask him to. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, unable to hold himself back with words a friend shouldn’t say with such emotions. 

He misses the way your eyes widen and fill with surprise as he pushes his hands under your back so he can unclasp your lilac colored bra, he throws the lace down on the floor where your dress is lying. 

He kisses your chest and wraps his plush lips around your nipple, his hands slip down your stomach and he hooks his finger around your panties, removing them slowly. 

You look down at him, your heart unable to find calmness as everything he does, drives you crazy tonight. A gasp tears from your parted lips when he slips his fingers through your wet folds, teasing your entrance before he brings his digits up to your clit. 

“S-Steve,” you moan as you bring your hand down to his hair, digging your fingers through it and gripping it tightly. 

He meets your eyes and you watch how he kisses down your body, softly, gently, slowly and not tearing his eyes away from your face, he keeps looking, staring at you as his lips trail kisses down your chest, your stomach, your hip bones. 

Is that what friends do? 

Steve spreads your thighs and he lies down before you, he moves his palm from your knee to your hip, throwing one leg over his shoulder before he leans in closer to kiss your inner thighs, truly leaving no spot unkissed. 

You swallow harshly, unable to figure out what to do with yourself when he handles you so carefully, so… lovingly, almost as though he could feel something other than lust for you. 

You blink and stare in anticipation, breathy whines keep falling from your lips, the fluttering in your stomach growing stronger and stronger.

You lean on your elbows, not wanting to look away from him just yet. His hair is messy from your tugging, his cheeks are pink, his eyes dark and filled with something you cannot read. 

He looks so pretty between your thighs. 

Steve leans into you, licking his lips before he presses the tip of his tongue to your entrance, slipping it through your folds and bringing it up to your clit where he wraps his lips around it and starts sucking teasingly. 

Your breath hitches in your throat, your brows furrowing even more than before as you grip his hair tightly. 

He gives no time to react before he holds on tighter and begins to eat you out, hungrily yet softly. His movements are slow and sensual, his moans vibrate against you. 

His name falls from your lips over and over again as your head sinks deeper into his pillows, everything about this brings you a pleasure you haven’t felt before, it’s so much more intense than usual. 

“You always taste so good, baby,” he murmurs against you, nudging his nose against your clit as he slips his tongue into you, catching you off guard with his words and the sudden action. 

His free hand slipping back up to your chest, he pinches your nipple and rolls it with his thumb before he grabs your breast. 

“Don’t stop,” you breathe as you throw your hand over his, feeling out of control with your emotions when you slip your fingers through his and keep his hand there – right over your beating heart. 

Steve moans approvingly, squeezing your hand as he deepens all his movements, adding his fingers as he continues on pleasuring you with his mouth – a kind of pleasure you both get lost in. Moans and whimpers echo through the room, you pant and breathe heavily as waves crash over your body and you get closer and closer to the edge he never fails to bring you to. 

Watery eyes meet his soft ones, your fingers now molding together, your hips rising up to grind against his face as he unravels you. You see the way he is moving, the way his own hips grind against the mattress to find some sort of relief, his moans are just as desperate as yours.

His chin glistens with your slickness and he keeps moaning as though you’re the sweetest thing he ever tasted – and you are, you are the sweetest thing he ever tasted on his tongue, touching and feeling you this way burns everything in him and he can’t help but want more of it. 

“You’re so close, I can feel it,” he murmurs against you, pressing kisses to your sensitive nub as his fingers curl deeply inside of you, the tips grazing that very spot that makes you whine his name so cutely. 

You dig your nails into his skin as you still hold onto his hand, your other is still lost in his hair, gripping and tugging at it as the fire burns in your core, everything flutters inside of you. You blink through your tears and keep your eyes on him, watching the way he licks and sucks on your clit, the way he looks so content doing this. 

You try to speak though your words get lost when he speeds up his movements, making you shut your eyes in pleasure as your jaw falls slack. 

His long fingers slamming in and out of you, joined by his tongue again, he shakes his head from side to side, his nose nudging against your clit over and over again. 

“Open your eyes,” he murmurs against you, his voice adding vibrations, “look at me, I want to see your eyes.” 

You oblige, despite the tears that pool in your eyes, you do your best to grant him his wish. 

“Just like that, good girl,” he hums and hits that spot inside of you, causing your whole body to tense up and your cries to fill the room. He doesn’t stop there, not even when your body falls limp and your heavy breathing along with the sensitive whimpers sounds through the room now. 

Steve licks you through your high, moaning in delight and kissing your clit just to tease you, making you jerk and whimper. 

“Please,” you whisper, looking at him with your teary, pleading eyes. 

He pulls away but only to take his clothes off, finally, you were so lost in the pleasure you didn’t even notice just how much clothing was still on his body. 

He tears his tank top off and throws it down on the floor, unbuckling his belt next and practically tearing down his jeans and boxers, letting his aching dick slap against his stomach, his tip red and leaking, his length twitching as it did the whole time he was eating you out, he nearly busted before, the sensation of it all tonight, being too overwhelming and it’s hard to keep himself together when he looks down at your pretty face and your bare body, your pussy glistening and so ready for him. 

He could stare at you for hours but he feels so desperate to feel you, to be inside of you, he presses his palms against your knees and spreads them further apart, he settles in between them and leans down before you, looking deeply into your eyes after pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

He isn’t blind or unaware of the way your breathing stutters in your throat, the way you gulp and stare in confusion as you stare into his eyes. 

And then, you raise yourself up a little, propping yourself up on your elbow as you slip your hand down his stomach, making him breathe in harshly as his heart skips a beat. In lust, he watches the way you slip your own fingers through your slick folds, gathering your wetness before you bring your hand up to his cock, wrapping your hand around it, you start stroking him slowly, making him whimper at the feeling. He grips the sheets beneath you and watches the way your much smaller hand moves around him, the way you tease his slit with your thumb, making him shudder over you. 

“F-Fuck,” he whispers, trying not to close his eyes but this drives him crazy, the intimacy of it all making it all feel so much better, “just like that, baby.” 

A tiny noise, something close to a whimper falls from your lips thanks to the nickname he started giving you on occasions. 

“That feels so good,” he moans as he continues to watch, finding it hard to control himself, “are you ready for me?” He asks as his eyes move up your body before they meet yours again. 

You nod quickly and buck your hips up, teasing both him and yourself when you slide the crown of his dick through your sensitive folds before you guide him into your entrance. He instantly reaches for your hip, digging his fingers into your skin as he feels your warmth sucking him in, your wet walls gripping at him despite not being fully inside yet. He watches your face, the way it scrunches up in pleasure, the way your jaw falls slack and your eyes stay glued on him as you watch the way his cock disappears inside of you. He listens to your moans and feels the way you hold onto his shoulders tightly the moment he takes control. 

“Steve!” 

His heart could beat through his bones and rip through his skin at this moment and he wouldn’t care. 

He needs more, he needs you closer, he pushes in deeper and deeper, splitting you open and making you both whimper. He stills once he’s fully inside, letting out a shaky breath when he feels you pulsating around him. 

You breathe heavily, he can feel it, your chest is flush against his, he’s got you close, just like he wanted you. 

“S-Steve,” you repeat his name in a whisper, feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, by all those feelings, by this and yet you want more, you crave more, you crave him. You muster up all your strength and wrap your legs around his waist. 

“I know, baby,” he whispers, surprising you for yet another time this night when he moves both his hands up your body, one slipping from your shoulder to your wrist and then to your hand, lying his palm flat against yours, he cups your cheek with his other hand, sliding it across your jawline as he tilts your head up so he can see your eyes, so he can gaze into them. 

You feel as though your frown might stay permanent on your face after tonight, but everything he does confuses you, even more so when slips his fingers through the gaps in yours and intertwines them together, holding your hand tighter than ever before as he leans his forehead against yours. 

His breath mingles with yours, his nose nudges against yours and your lips touch but he doesn’t kiss you yet, he squeezes your hand as he pulls out and pushes back in, stealing your breath away. 

Everything about this feels so deep, so intimate, you feel vulnerable tonight with the way he handles you so differently. 

Tears of pleasure and love prickle in your eyes and you suddenly find it hard to keep your emotions down, especially when he closes his eyes and he kisses you as though it’s the only thing he is meant to do. His palm rests against your jawline as his fingers get lost in your hair. Your moans match his own as he starts rolling his hips, slowly and deeply. 

Your hands cling to each other, your chests are pressed together, he slides in and out of you, his tip hitting and rubbing against the spot that tears out sounds from you that you never made with anyone else before. 

As deep and hungry as the kiss is, you want to feel him closer, so after swallowing down the confusion and leaving the questions for another time, you bring him closer by sliding your free hand down his back, stroking his skin and grazing it with your nails, you grab his ass and dig your fingers into his skin, causing him to moan even louder as he thrusts deeper. 

You feel the shudders that grip at your body, the hot waves and the fire that burns within you, your heart that threatens to burst at the way it fills with even more love for the man panting above you, moaning just for you, because of you. 

Even when he breaks the kiss, he doesn’t move away from your lips, keeping his against yours as he opens his eyes again to look at you while his hips move faster and he fucks into you deeper. 

Steve strokes the top of your hand with his thumb, his other hand still resting on your jaw, his dark eyes gazing into your own, he looks at you so differently and it makes you want to cry, you are too overwhelmed, too sensitive, too vulnerable to feel such hopeful feelings when you know damn well that you could lose this and him any moment but how can you not hope when he looks at you as though you’re something worth loving, when he whispers your name as though it comes from his heart, when he pecks your lips and nuzzles his nose to yours. 

No words are spoken, your touches and the eye contact are enough tonight, everything he could speak with his words are written in his eyes. 

But everything that lies on the tip of your tongue, threatens to spill the closer you get and the longer he looks at you this way. 

I love you. I love you. I love you, you scream in your mind, not knowing that these words match the ones in his mind. 

Tears slip down your cheeks, tears that Steve kisses away with his lips as he holds you tighter and pulls you closer as his hips meet yours and he thrusts in deeper, his hand only letting go of your jaw so he can slip it down your stomach and touch you between your thighs, he catches your moan in a feverish kiss as his fingers rub at your sensitive nub. 

Your tongues clash together and your lips move sensually and roughly as he moves faster, making himself whimper in need. 

This isn’t the first time that Steve discovers something with you, but this makes him live through something entirely new, he had never felt anything like this before, he had never felt his heart race so fastly in his chest, he had never felt this kind of heat, this kind of fire burning in his whole body, nearly overwhelming him and making him cry too. 

His newfound feelings make this experience even more pleasurable, to hear your moans and to feel you clinging to his shaking body, to know that he is the one who is getting to touch you and feel you like this makes him feel… special. 

He wants you, he wants you in every way possible. 

He can feel his heart yearning for you, yearning for more with you, he can hear it screaming your name. 

Steve loves you, god, he loves you so much that his feelings nearly crush him. 

He wants you to know, he needs you to know but his fears hold him back and he swallows them down, begrudgingly so. 

If only he knew that you would cry tears of joy if he told you those three little words. 

If only you knew that this isn’t just sex, that this is something else, that he is making love to you. 

When you both reach your peak and you come undone, gasping and crying out in pleasure, you keep kissing, you don’t stop, despite the lack of air in your lungs, you keep kissing, you keep moving, you want more and more, you don’t want this moment to end. 

You can feel the shift of emotions, his touches feel so different than they did before, his hands and lips linger a little longer, his eyes look at you in a way that has your own skipping and fluttering. 

He keeps his fingers entwined with yours, even when he is no longer inside of you and chasing after his high, even when the moment is long over, he keeps holding your hand, he pulls you on top of him now, covering your lower half with the thin covers. 

And now it’s you who cups his cheek to kiss him, sliding your fingers down his jawline and moving your lips against his, nuzzling your nose against his just the way he did before. 

Steve runs his finger up and down your spine, playing with your hair and stroking your soft skin, smiling into the kiss as he gets lost in the feeling of love, a kind of love he never felt before. 

Sweat shines on Steve’s forehead, his hair clinging to his skin, his cheeks more flushed than before, he is humming into the kiss, feeling every happy emotion flushing through him as you make noises that leave his stomach with butterflies. 

You break the kiss with a soft giggle as you watch him chasing after your lips. 

He puckers his lips, begging for another kiss and how could you say no to him? 

You lean in again, not bothering to tuck your hair away when it falls in front of your face. You kiss his lips, only shortly, but enough to satisfy him. 

“Hmm, I might have to do this more often,” he murmurs and cups the back of your head when you lay your head on his chest. 

“Do what?” You ask as you loosen your grip on his hand and lay your palm flat against his, taking in the sight of how much larger his is. 

“Cook for you, you got all soft on me, Blondie,” he whispers and plays with your fingers, lacing them together with yours, making your heart flutter yet again. 

Your lips part and you raise your brows as you look at him, “oh, I got soft on you?” 

He is teasing you, you can see it, the way his lips tug into a smirk and his eyes flash with amusement. 

“Mhmm,” he nods, “got all sweet and adorable on me tonight, I can’t even remember what it’s like to deal with your mean side – not that I don’t like your mean side, I clearly do, turns me on, if I’m being honest.” 

A surprised giggle falls from your lips. 

It makes his heart flutter now, his eyes crinkle as a bigger smile appears on his face. 

“You’re kind of a dork, you know?” You whisper and rest your chin on his chest, gazing up at him, starry eyed. “I almost don’t remember your sassy side.” 

“Sassy?” He raises his eyebrows at you. 

“Mhmm, you’re sassy, Lego head.” 

He chuckles softly, “Lego head, you haven’t used that in a while.”

You giggle again and reach your left hand up to touch his hair, brushing away the curls that are stuck to his forehead. 

“I bet you miss the nickname.”

You don’t see the way he looks at you, you never really do but the awestruck look in his eyes is so hard to miss. 

“No, I kinda came to enjoy you calling me Stevie.”  

You tilt your head to the side, looking back into his loving eyes, “oh?”

“Hmm,” you hum, smiling as you move closer to him, “Stevie… cute.” 

You look at each other with smiles on your lips.

“Can I ask you something?” He whispers as he rests his palm along your jaw, tucking your hair behind your ear as his hazel eyes trace your features. 

“Of course,” you whisper back. 

He blinks, taking a moment to speak up again, his cheeks still glowing pink underneath the golden light from the small lamp on his desk. 

“What’d you think of me when we first met?” He murmurs, blushing. “When we were teens… I mean…” 

His thumb grazes your bottom lip, he touches you so softly, so gently as he looks at you with patience. 

Your heart jumps in your chest, panic spreading around it as you repeat the question in your mind. 

Oh Steve, if only you knew, you think to yourself as you stare at him, taking him in and how he looks at you. 

No one’s ever looked at you this way. 

No one’s ever touched you this way. 

No one’s ever made you feel emotions that probably kept you alive during your darkest days. 

He deserves honesty, doesn’t he? 

But he is scared of it, you can see it in his eyes, you know how ashamed he is of how he acted as a teenager, and you know how bad he feels when others remind him of his past, teasing and laughing in his face about King Steve. 

If only he knew how much you have worshiped the ground he walked on from the moment you laid your eyes on him, how you never once thought badly of him, not even when he hurt you with cruel words. 

‘I have loved you from the moment your hand touched mine when you brushed past me in the hallway for the very first time.’ Is what you should say but you can’t, despite the aching feeling in your chest, you cannot utter these words, no matter the shift between you both tonight and the hope he filled you with. 

But he waits, he waits for you to answer his question and who are you to leave him waiting? 

“Insufferable. And a douche.” At those words, Steve’s eyebrows fall in sadness, prompting you to smile sweetly at him. “But I knew you never meant it. I knew it wasn’t truly you…”

“Oh? And how would you know that?” He asks, his thumb going in circles in the small of your back as your eyes twinkle with love, with admiration, with devotion.

“Because I saw you.”

♡

tagging friends and mutuals

@prettyboyeddiemunson @taintedcigs @mysticmunson @corrodedcorpses @maroon-cardigan @thecreelhouse @ibellcipem @joekeerysmoles @munsonlore @sherrylyn0628 @munson-mjstan @agirlwholovesrockstars @moon-flowerrs

[lightsoutnaway]

Always Come Home

PAIRING: Max Verstappen x reader

WARNINGS: None

WORD COUNT: 898

SUMMARY: You and Max get in a fight when he risks his life to be a stunt driver for a movie.

“Baby, please let me in!”

Max was standing outside your bedroom door with his hand planted on the doorframe. His plea was greeted with silence. He sighed and rested his forehead against the door.

“I’m sorry,” he called—loud enough to be heard, but softer than before. “Can you just let me in so I can explain?” He stood there for a moment before you opened the door and his head tipped forward as the door was pulled away from him. He was relieved that you were willing to even look at him, but your expression wasn’t promising.

“Hi,” Max greeted. You scoffed and turned back into the room. Max followed. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again.

“I told you not to do it. I told you I didn’t want you to get hurt,” you spit. Max winced.

“I know. And I told Christian ‘no,’ just like you told me to,” Max assured you.

“Oh? Then why were you driving a stunt car that flipped over on the track?!” You shouted.

“It was safe, schatje,” Max said softly. “Nothing happened.”

“The car flipped over, Max! You knew it was going to!” You shouted. “And all for some stupid movie!”

“I really wasn’t going to do it, but Yuki had to go back to Japan for an emergency and Ricciardo and Checo are traveling,” Max explained.

“There’s still 16 other drivers on the grid! And there’s retired drivers, and F2 drivers, and actual stunt drivers who could’ve done it if you had said ‘no!’” You had never been more angry at Max. He hadn’t ever given you a reason to be angry with him. He loved you and he had never done anything to hurt you. There were barely ever reasons to be slightly annoyed with him, let alone angry.

“The studio made the deal with Red Bull,” Max tried.

“So they could’ve used a reserve driver! Or they could’ve gotten a stunt driver since it was a stunt! Which you are not trained to do!”

“I know, my love,” Max agreed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I told you that I wasn’t going to do it.” You were quiet for a moment. “I could’ve gotten hurt.” Max looked at you hopefully. When the silence continued he was about to add more to his apology but he heard you sniffle and he looked closer at you in the dimly lit room. There were tears slipping from your eyes.

“Oh no. Baby, don’t cry.” Max rushed forward to take you in his arms, feeling a rush of relief when you didn’t push him away.“Please, my love. I’m so sorry. Don’t cry. I hate it when you cry,” he begged.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” you said as you tucked your head into the crook of his neck. Your hands gripped onto his t-shirt while he gently rubbed his hand up and down your back, the other one going to your head and cradling you.

“I know, my love,” Max replied. He had only crashed twice since you started dating, but both times you had been a wreck while you waited for the safety car to bring him back to the garage and for days after. He knew how much it scared you when he crashed. After he saw your reaction the first time he crashed he stopped driving so aggressively. The team didn’t love it, but he didn’t care. It made you happy. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” you told him. Max’s heart lifted. Maybe you would forgive him. He turned his head to press a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say ‘no’ when they asked me again,” he said, feeling like he hadn’t apologized enough yet.

“It’s okay, Max. I know you don’t like to let anyone down,” you said through your sniffles. Max smiled softly. He loved that you knew why he had given in.

“I love you, schatje,” Max whispered into your hair. You took a deep breath, calming yourself.

“I love you too, Maxie,” you said back. He leaned back so he could tip your chin up to look at him. He wiped the tear tracks off your face before kissing you softly. Your expression dropped for a moment when you pulled away. “I don’t want to see the movie, Max,” you told him. “I can’t watch knowing it’s you.” Max smiled at your words.

“That’s fine, baby. I don’t need to see it either.” You let a slight smile fall onto your lips.

“But you’re in it,” you said.

“I don’t need to see any movie. The best thing anyone can ever see sleeps next to me every night,” Max flirted. You rolled your eyes and giggled.

“Trying to get back on my good side?” You teased him.

“I don’t want to sleep on the couch,” Max said. You chuckled.

“That would be a punishment for me more than you. I can’t sleep without you anymore,” you admitted.

“And here I thought you started coming to every race because you wanted to support me,” Max joked.

“I do,” you said. “And I don’t want to be tired when I do it.” Max laughed. He pulled you into his chest again and kissed the crown of your head.

“You don’t ever have to spend a night without me again, schatje,” he promised. “I’ll always be with you. I’ll always come home.”

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 4 - MONTH 3 - GROWING PAINS

First - Prev - Next

Everything hurts.

I started noticing it about two weeks after my first dose. It felt like a dull headache at first, but over the next month it spread to pretty much my entire body.

I had to start working from home, and eventually it got bad enough that I could only put in a few hours of work each day. My boss is a reasonable enough guy, but he wasn't going to pay a full time salary for part time hours, so I had to take a salary cut.

Luckily, my partner is around to take care of daily errands, not to mention being there to reassure and comfort me when the pain gets bad. They've been thinking about seeing if Lindwurm HRT is a thing, but they don't want to get the process started until I'm in the clear and can take care of myself again.

Gods I love them.

The reason the pain is happening, as best I can tell, is that my skeletal structure is already changing. I've gotten at least an inch taller, and my face has been reshaping into a feline muzzle. My teeth are getting sharper, and I'm developing proper fangs. I also noticed a little while ago that my fingernails and toenails had receded into their respective digits, which sucks for two reasons - I can't paint fingernails I don't have, and they are sore as HELL when I put any amount of pressure on them. I have to be REALLY careful with how I type to not inflict agony on myself. I'm also feeling my tail growing in, and even if it hurts, it's euphoric as HELL. A tail was always the part I wanted most out of this.

It's weird, the skeletal changes weren't supposed to happen this early. I've been trying to reach Dr. Erian about it, but he's constantly busy, probably because of the sudden surge of people looking for Humanity Removal Therapy.

Other than that, I've been getting areas of white and black fur coming in - mostly on my arms and legs, but a little bit on my face and ears - ears that are gradually reshaping and migrating. Nothing to report on hearing sensitivity, but I think my night vision is getting better.

I did a little bit of looking around for anyone with similar pain experiences. I got my hopes up when I found a girl, Antonina, who had a painful experience with Cat HRT, but it turns out it's because she took the rumoured Fifteen Minute version. She described the pain as "like bathing in an active volcano".

It leaves me wondering whether I would have preferred a 15-minute lava bath over a months-long full-body headache.

I ended up reaching out to her anyway, just because I wanted to know what I was in for in the endgame and feline HRT is rarer than I thought it would be. Sounds like the prey drive is the real deal - she keeps feeling the urge to bite this one girl who's on mouse HRT.

We've been spending some time comparing notes and getting to know each other. It's nice to know someone else who's going through this thing, even if our experiences aren't exactly one-to-one.

I also talked to my mother for the first time in nearly a year. I went No Contact with her a while back because she was only getting more obnoxious and combative about me being trans, but I figured changing my species is a big enough deal that I should keep her in the loop.

Besides, my savings had nearly dried up and I needed to ask her for money.

It… did not go well. She hadn't heard of therian HRT before, and once I explained it, she started panicking about how I'm "mutilating my body" with "untested treatments". I think I also heard her cry something about how her "son" is "killing himself", which is just multiple layers of insensitive.

At least she sent me some money. Hopefully it'll be enough to last until my transformation stops being agonizing and I can go back to work, and then I can go right back to pretending my family doesn't exist.

At roughly the three-month mark, I have a check-in video call with Dr. Erian. From the moment his face appears on screen, though, I can tell something is wrong. He seems… older, somehow.

"Hello, Miss Alexis.", he offers. He sounds tired. Sorrowful, even.

"Hey, doc." I have to ask about it. "Everything okay? You seem a bit tired."

"Nothing to worry about Miss Alexis, just the ordinary stresses of daily life."

Liar. I know I'm not entitled to details of your personal life, much less your professional secrets, but I know when something is eating at someone.

"…Does the word 'crossroads' mean anything to you, Miss Alexis?"

Huh? That came a bit out of left field. "I've… heard some other therian HRT patients use the term, but I don't know much of the details. Something about a point of no return?"

"Something of the sort." He lowers his head and seems to go from sorrowful to downright grim. "There will come a time, Miss Alexis, when you will have to make a very important decision in your care, and I ask that you do so with great consideration for the consequences."

I recoil a little in my seat. "Yeah… Of course I will. Any decision I make, even reaching out to you in the first place, I don't take it lightly."

"Good… That's good." His demeanor shifts back to his stoic, clinical self. I don't know what just happened, but he went somewhere for a moment there.

"Now then, I did receive your messages, I apologize for not getting back to you. You mentioned you were experiencing persistent and debilitating whole-body soreness?"

"Yeah. I can't even leave the apartment most days, it hurts so much."

"Odd… You are taking the treatment as directed, yes?"

"Of course. One tablespoon a week, just like it says on the bottle."

I see his eyes twitch behind his glasses. Did I say something wrong?

"…Teaspoon."

I cock my head to the side. "Say again?"

"You mean one TEASPOON a week, yes?"

I feel my heart sink. The dark smear on the dosage information… I could have sworn it said '1 tbsp/week'.

"…Could you hold on a second please?" I mute the mic and call out to my partner to bring the bottle of tiger HRT over. When they do, I unmute and hold it up to the webcam. I hear Dr. Erian take a sharp intake of breath as he notices the obscured instructions.

I set the bottle aside and the two of us share an awkward silence.

"So…", I begin. "…How bad is it?"

"The good news", he offers slowly, "is that you have only been taking three times the prescribed dose. An increased dose imbalances the growth rate of the different parts of your body, hence your pain and persistent weakness, but it could have been much worse."

I think back to the so-called Fifteen Minute version, and Antonina's description of it - like bathing in an active volcano.

Dr. Erian continues. "Assuming you return to a CORRECT dose, your growth rates will gradually level out over the course of the next month or so. It is my medical opinion that you should maintain a low-activity lifestyle until then, but you will eventually be able to return to your typical activity level, and you will also find that the physical effects become more… consistent."

"That's… reassuring. Thank you, doctor." I pause. Something I noticed a little while ago has been weighing on my mind. "There's one thing, though - do the treatments have… I guess you'd call them restorative or regenerative effects? I've noticed some old wounds aren't there anymore."

The doctor clicks his pen and brings up his notepad. "Interesting. Do go on, Miss Alexis."

"Well… I used to get lower back pain from a car crash injury I got a little over a year ago, but I haven't noticed it at all lately. Pretty much the only part that DOESN'T hurt… There also used to be some marks on my arm from a cat biting me when I was little." I give a slight smile. "The cat's name was Tiger, go figure."

Dr. Erian is writing the whole time I'm talking. "Yes, that is to be expected. Minor persistent injuries will fade over time as your body re-forms itself to a new baseline, even severe chronic symptoms may fade. If there are no other concerns…"

"Just one… Most of the other therian HRT patients I've talked to have gotten their meds as pills, so what's with the potion bottle?"

Dr. Erian pauses, and adjusts his glasses nervously, as if he's been caught out on something he doesn't want to admit to. "Well… advances in the field are occurring rapidly, and you are one of the more recent patients, so a more… streamlined option was available to you. I took the liberty of choosing the most compatible option based on your medical records, and that bottle is it."

"Okay… But what's IN it?"

"The active ingredients are antihominidone, which is your humanity-blocker, and a specialized formula of felistrogen, infused with white tiger genetic material. The rest of the fluid is a suspension used to dilute the effects, without which you would be looking at a short, but excruciating and potentially lethal process."

The Fifteen Minute version, I think to myself. I'm taking diluted Fifteen Minute meds. There's no WAY this isn't experimental, and I'M the experiment. I despise saying it, but maybe my mother was right to worry.

"But I'm afraid I really do have to go, Miss Alexis, my next appointment is waiting."

"G-gotcha. See ya, doctor."

---

Special thanks to @paintedbytosia for letting me write her in, and shoutout to @megamoonerjenny for coming up with 'antihominidone'

[etherealxwitch]

can i get a lil blurb about steve’s roommate eddie catching feelings for his sister. smut and/or fluff is welcome. as long as i get a lil kith 🤭

hopefully it lived up to your expectations… no promises though

warnings: mutual pining, pretty heavy make out session, alluded smut

Eddie was standing in the kitchen, watching you cook dinner. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, but he was buzzing to reach over and hold your hand, or something. If Steve knew how he felt, he’d be a dead man.

It’s always been longing stares and wishful thinking for him. He wanted more than just this friendship, and a part of him thought you did too.

“You wanna taste?” Your voice brought him out of his thoughts. “I promise it’s good, especially since I made it.”

The way you said it set him off like he snapped out of being so nervous. He was tired of holding back, tired of not feeling your lips on his.

He looked at you, studying your face and all the feelings that bubbled up in his chest. Steve wasn’t home at the moment, too busy working. If anything, now was his chance to do something he always wanted.

“Yeah, it’s good?” Slowly, he stepped towards you, and he could see your breath hitched in your throat.

“Eddie?” You could see the look on his face, and the butterflies in your stomach were swarming. “What are you doing?”

“We both want this.” He has you trapped between him and the counter, his hands on your hips. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

“I- I don’t want you to stop…,” your voice came out in a whisper, and that’s all it took before his lips crashed against yours.

The kiss was full of desperation, teeth clattering against each other. His tongue slid along yours, and your knees buckled. You would let Eddie do whatever he wanted to you, even if that meant ruining you for every other guy in the world.

His heart pounded against his chest. You could feel it as you were pressed up against each other. God, how you two had longed for this.

You couldn’t help but whine into his mouth as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

The second he pressed his thigh between your legs, a smirk on his face… you knew you were done for. You could feel yourself throb for him, and you know he can feel it too.

“God, I wanted this.” He groans against your lips, slowly pulling back to look at you, “want, need every fucking bit of you, sweetheart.”

Eddie’s voice was deep, hoarse as he spoke. The way you throbbed against his thigh had his cock twitching in his pants like he was some virgin.

You giggle as you peck his lips, “what took you so long?”

He shook his head and shrugged. “Guess I was too afraid of your brother.”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” your lips trailed down his neck softly. “You know his shift doesn’t end for another hour.”

Eddie didn’t waste any time before throwing you over his shoulder with ease. “Then what are we waiting for?”

[wcbblife]

Can you make a short drabble about Juju getting hurt and the reader comforting her?? I don't have anything specific in mind so just do what you think is best. Thank youu

Hurt Juju X fem!reader

a/n: hopefully you like it anon! Sorry for just disappearing like that 😭

Rehabilitation had been utterly exhausting today. After such a successful volleyball season with the Trojans, being sidelined for an entire series of games felt almost soul-crushing. Yet, you resolved to push through, focusing on recovery and coming back stronger next year.

Glancing at the time, you found it strange that Juju hadn't called. Her game had ended hours ago, but your phone remained silent, devoid of any calls or texts. Normally, you would have dropped by to watch her play, but the off-season healing process had drained your energy.

Juju had been totally understanding, but you couldn't quell the guilt gnawing at you. Deciding to take a risk, you call her, hoping she's done with the press and everything else.

The phone rings once, twice, three times. Nothing.

Before you can try again, a knock on your front door startles you, draining almost all the blood from your face. “Babe, it's me. Open the door.” Juju's voice, exasperated and tired, comes from the other side.

Ignoring the dull throbbing in your knee, you wobble over and pull the door open quickly.

There stood Juju, her head hanging uncharacteristically low, her frame swallowed by a huge hoodie. You know something's wrong. “Hey, come in,” you whisper, pulling her closer by the front of her hoodie.

She lets you, offering no resistance.

“Ju, look at me.” You cup her face, and that's when you see it—a shallow gash under her cheekbone. You also catch a glimpse of something under her hoodie.

“What happened?”

Juju shrugs, letting her bags drop to the ground carelessly. “The refs felt like being shit today, I guess.” She grips her side as if in pain.

You slide your hands around her. “Let me help you.”

“You're hurt, babe. I'll do it myself.” Juju tries to get you to sit down, but you can't—not when she’s practically begging with her eyes for you to just… touch her.

“Juju, you're hurt too. Let me take care of you.” A wave of uncertainty flashes in her eyes. “It's the least I can do.”

“Fine,” she grumbles, slouching towards you. She grabs your waist, trying to help you with your injured knee, but you gently move her hand to your shoulder, giving her a look.

“Don’t worry about me.” You both sway to the bathroom of your dorm, and you make her sit on the counter. She does so without much difficulty, but you notice the wince that flashes across her face.

“I’m sorry for taking so long. They were checking I was okay. I would've called you, but I lost track of time and just…” She continues rambling as you search for the first aid kit wordlessly.

Juju writhes on her spot, almost anxiously.

You open the small container, glancing over at her. “You don’t have to apologize. I’m just glad you’re okay.” An invisible weight seems to lift from her shoulders as she keeps her eyes trained on you while you move around the small bathroom. You then stop in front of her, nestling yourself between her long legs.

“Still, I feel bad.”

A soft smile creeps onto your face. Even in pain, Juju couldn’t stop thinking about you. You tug at the hem of her hoodie, silently asking her to take it off. “Please don’t. You’re here now, and that’s what matters to me.” Seeing that Juju is planted to her spot, you take the initiative, dragging her hoodie up across her midriff and over her head once she raises her arms slowly.

“Oh, Juju.” The gasp that escapes you is inevitable as your eyes land on a maze of bandages crisscrossing her right shoulder. She tries to hide it but fails miserably. Your fingers slowly hover over the area. “I didn’t know it was this bad.”

“It could be worse,” she chuckles slightly, then immediately stops and clears her throat when she sees your unamused face. “Just a simple injury, babe.”

“Who even did this?” You trail your finger softly over the bandaged area, too afraid to apply any pressure.

She shrugs. “Beats me.” Juju then falls deathly quiet, fiddling with her basketball shorts. Seeing your serious expression, she pulls you closer, wanting to be near you. “I just wanted to be here with you.” You cup her face again, your own face just centimeters away. She wraps her arms around your midriff, hugging you impossibly close. “I’m going to get blood on your shirt,” she mumbles, yet she doesn’t pull away, nudging her nose into the crook of your neck.

“Eugh, you’re right,” Juju chuckles lightly, her breath caressing your skin, making you giggle. “You should kiss me then.”

“Don’t tempt me.” She mumbles, tilting her head to the side. If one of you moved even a little, your mouths would slot perfectly against each other.

“Alright…” You try to tease her by pulling away, but the look on her face tells you she is in no mood for games.

Juju pulls you into a searing kiss by the back of your neck, almost knocking you off balance. You manage to stay upright by grabbing her thighs, positioned on either side of your hips. Juju lets out a soft groan as you squeeze the skin beneath your fingers, practically melting into you.

You press your front against hers, deepening the kiss. Juju sighs softly—painfully—as she backs away. “Shit.” Before you can open your eyes, she presses her lips onto yours again.

But before she can take it any further, she pulls back, holding the gash on her cheekbone. “It hurts,” she murmurs, anticipating your question.

“Right, sorry. Let’s get this done.” You laugh gently, reaching over to the medicine in the small box and getting to work on her face.

She sits there quietly, like a child who’s been reprimanded.

“Don’t get mad.”

“I’m not,” she mumbles, “just wanted to make out.”

“Yeah, well, we still need to ice your shoulder. So, we might have to pause this for later.”

[hacked-by-jake]

SPOILERS

Alright I have way too many thoughts and emotions so there ain't no way I'm gonna be able to organize everything into a nice sentence but I still gotta get it out 🤣🤣

First off, my notes app with some of my thoughts I wrote down while playing (in chronological order):

Where's Jake?

No premium?

Why and where is nymos

Why are we playing candy crush instead of hacking

Again: Where's Jake, he prob sees our chats and knows whats happening (hopefully)

The characters seem like an almost identical reflection to duskwood

What happened to Richy, please don't die on me 😩

Where's the others

We're now paying to see the secret chats

Why's this game taking so much of my money

Ash really be making me cry about Jake again 🥴

Eric be throwing himself at us when I still want to stay loyal to my hacker boy 💀

The ending: I KNEW MY BABY WAS ALIVE I LOVE HIM, I DEMAND HE TALKS TO US NEOW 👹

AND ALAN I MISSED HIM TOO MWAH MWAH

Rant 1:

The money milking makes me sick and don't even get me started on the ai 🫡 I spent 17 bucks today, halfway through the first episode and already out of all the materials I bought. It's disgusting how Everbyte has completely flipped and is practically scamming their players. Based on the prices, it's almost 3 dollars to view one picture 🙄 I would be more than happy to buy a premium package like duskwood for $20 or even 30 but $17 for not even half an episode is a crime 😭😭

Rant 2:

It's crazy how long this game took and yet it's way worse than duskwood. I was expecting a few additions, not subtractions.

Rant 3:

There is no way to see previous media and calls like in duskwood and no chat history like they promised. I never would've thought it was possible, but these mini games are way worse than duskwoods. And I realized how childish it all looks, I hate how we get no explanation for anything we're doing in the game.

Conclusion:

I'm pissed but seeing the anonymous mask gave me life. I need to go replay duskwood to cleanse myself of moonvale 😮‍💨

Pahahaha you're really killing me with your thoughts, I love your humor so much. 😭

I really should also start to write down my first thoughts while playing but I fear I will write down something to every little sentence I read. xD

But it's so true, where's Nymos? Give us Nymos back! My emotional bond with this unreal little dude is huge so I seriously need him. It's literally a program but it's a he you can't change my mind because I imagine Nymos as Jake best friend who's exactly like Jarvis from Marvel. (Sorry if you don't know it but then I really recommend you to watch the Iron Man movies. (Actually all marvel movies but we're talking about Jarvis here so you best see or more like hear him in Iron Man)

Btw my headcanon is that Nymos is not just any program but also an AI. So and now I will expand the headcanon and say Nymos is an AI that is against AI art and nobody can stop me, hehe.

The Candy Crush comparison makes me laugh every time and it hurts me because it’s true. xD

The thing with the characters being identical with the Duskwood characters... It's a hard topic in my eyes.

Some people say it way too early to judge this. And it's true. We didn't saw much now. But I do think we can already judge them a bit by what we saw. And when we compare it with how the Duskwood characters were in the first episode, I do think you can see that there's not much yet, sadly.

Like, we had Thomas, the idiot in love with problems to take criticism. We had Jessy the hanger-on that were clinging to Dan but then decided to change sides. We had the funny sunny boy Richy. The pretty cold acting Cleo. We had bitchy Lilly and of course we had the grumpy and unfriendly Dan. They all acted pretty strong from second one, in my eyes.

But I somehow absolutely don't think the Moonvale characters are like the Duskwood characters. Because well, I really think they need stronger personalities.

We have Eric who's a pretty normal guy and even though he tripped twice in one episode he's not at all like Thomas.

We have Ash who's like a very, veeery light version of Jessy and Lilly, in my eyes. Somehow kind but somehow absolutely not trustworthy.

We have Violet who's just.. there sometimes. Even the drunken police chief is more expressive.

Well and Charlie is.. Somehow like Richy and in my eyes has the strongest personality so far.

Oh and not to forget Brian who wasn't even there. Lol.

So yeah, I understand both points but I might see it a bit differently.

"Why's this game taking so much of my money" had me on my knees, laughing and crying at the same time because it's almost funny what Everbyte did and it's just as sad.

During my first playthrough I was also like: Someone give me a crucifix I need to get rid of Eric as soon as possible.

But while replaying I just had to see what happens if you decide to get closer with Eric and I swear it didn't disappoint me. It was hilarious and truly, I want this with Jake. I need such a chat with Jake! Everbyte, please!

I mean, I'm not flirting with Eric because I think he's hot or anything. Sadly, his character isn't interesting to me in this sense. (I need the mysterious guys xD) But I just had to try it and I mean, who knows if it will be important later. It's manipulative, I know, but don't judge me. And also, there's still this little hope for a jealous Jake. *ahem* Sorry, I promise I still feel bad for flirting with someone else. 😩

But gosh, the side story end. It was worth all the wait, really. I said before, I don’t forget about the negative things because of it but I'm just a silly, lonely, disappointed girl in love with a fictional hacker, let me have this adrenaline boost!

And yes, I was so happy when I saw Alan's body cam. I immediately knew what that means but at first I was just so happy to "see" Alan as well. I really like this guy, I can't stop myself.

About rant 1: I love the comparison with "So expensive is a picture" it is just as true and actually shows again how incredible it all is. I’ve said my opinion many times now, and I still want to protect Everbyte and give them a little empathy. But it's sadly just true.

I had a thought about that (what you said in rant 2) before and wanted to make a post about it later. So I hope it's okay if I get to it later.

Rant 3: This is actually one of the things that botherse the most. We can't rewatch calls, videos and pictures. The chats are disappearing and are gone forever. And they told us it will be different and that's so annoying. Not being able to see it in the app is just bothering for me. And yeah, that they broke the "promise" is as well. We all were so happy about the chat thing and now...

I actually like the look of Moonvale even if I would prefer something much darker. Especially with the mini games. The background is AI, of course, so. It would look much better with a real background.

And the damn mini games... I loved the ones in Duskwood so much. I really did. It was so much fun and I was one of the people who found them very easy.

But now the Moonvale mini games. By lord. Even though they're much easier for me in my replay, the first time I was actually this close to throwing my phone against the wall. I mean, I even went to sleep at some point and finished the game the next day! Everyone who follows me since duskwood knows I would rather shave my head than that. But they're just pain. And I seriously hope Everbyte will make them a bit easier or give us moves! Because this was often the biggest issue for me. Not enough moves. But they want you to buy gems so... 😒

Your conclusion sound good. I'm definitely planning to replay Duskwood as well. If I want or not. I have to. I need the comforting atmosphere and my emotional support hacker.

So I would say, see you in Duskwood, my detective friend. 🫡

No, jokes aside. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me and us. As I said, I love your humor and the way to describe the things. And I really enjoyed answering it. 💚

I hope you could calm down a bit as well. I definitely needed some days before I could see it more clearly.

And as always a huge pleasure to see you here again. 💚😌

[ataliagold]

Hello!

Thought it was about time I introduce myself and link all my fics in one place, so here we go, in the order I wrote them.

I'm from New Zealand (I try hard to keep NZ slang/terms out of fics but sometimes they slip in...sorry!) am 29, autistic and bi...

I only write Steddie, I enjoy AU's, Steve whump, hurt/comfort and fluff, so there's alot of that here. Animals often feature strongly in my fics too, because I love them.

Fics below the cut, all complete unless specified:

Multi Chapter:

The Wreckage Of You I No Longer Reside In -

Rating - M, W/C - 55,708

Steve had escaped an abusive relationship with Billy three years ago, fleeing in the middle of the night with his young son, Dustin. Working odd jobs and struggling to get by, Steve catches the eye of music teacher Eddie Munson. But when Steve's dark past crashes back into his life again, will Steve be able to find a reason to stop running?

You Fell, I Caught You -

Rating - T, W/C - 8621

How many ways can a camping trip go wrong? When Steve agrees to take the kids on a short trip, he finds out.

Hopefully, I Won't Wake Up This Time -

Rating - T, W/C - 4029

While everyone moves on around him, Steve finds himself stuck, pushing his friends away and turning to alcohol to cope. Eddie intervenes.

Love Like Ghosts -

Rating - E, W/C - 10,156 (unfinished)

Three months after the main gate opened and Eddie died, Steve is not ok. His bat bites refuse to heal, and his dreams are haunted each night by a shadowy creature. After hearing Eddie's voice, Steve clings to a shred of hope that perhaps he is alive somewhere, and is determined to find him even if it's the last thing he does.

I still think about this fic, it's the only one I haven't been able to finish. I plan to come back to it one day.

Oh Darling, Please Be Mine -

Rating - M, W/C - 56,249

Eddie brings six dumped kittens into the vet clinic Steve works at. Steve falls in love.

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom -

Rating - M, W/C - 57,524

Steve drives to an isolated cabin intending to end it all. He wasn't counting on a desperate boy breaking into the cabin on the same night.

I Need You To See Me For What I Have Become -

Rating - M, W/C - 5604

The car came around the corner both suddenly and in slow motion at the same time.

Steve saw the headlights, registered it approaching at speed, heard the blare of the horn, but it was as if he was watching from far away, not in his body. He stood stock still even as his brain screamed at him to move.

The impact knocked him down, sending him lurching across the surface of the road, skin giving way against asphalt, and suddenly he was in a dry lake bed being dragged across rough ground like a fish on a hook.

My, My, Those Eyes Like Fire -

Rating - M, W/C - 65,433

When Steve and Dustin are captured by King Munson, their home destroyed by his army, Steve fights for their lives in the arena every day. He captures the eye of Prince Edward who is immediately intrigued by Steve's refusal to give in and the sheer fury with which he fights. Edward, whose father had slaughtered Steve's family and burnt his home to the ground.

Edward, who should be his sworn enemy, but may now be his only way to stay alive.

Keep My Hand In Yours -

Rating - M, W/C - 91,714

The entire world fell apart just over a year ago.

Steve's just trying to get by on his own, on a desperate mission to find his best friend.

Enter Eddie Munson.

We Made Universes Out Of Bitten Lips And Broken Hands -

Rating - M, W/C - 52,492 - Still in progress

Steve is working with the Wild Horse Inmate Rehabilitation Program. He's good at his job, exceptional with the horses, and makes sure to keep a healthy detachment from the inmates he works with...

...until Eddie Munson.

Oneshots:

"But You Love Me?"..."Always" -

Rating - T, W/C - 6026

“Oh, I told him not to order the chicken, the dingus…”

When Steve Harrington is struck down by a nasty case of food poisoning, Eddie does his best to take care of him, but ends up calling in backup in the form of Joyce Byers.

We Were Gods, We Were Kids -

Rating - G, W/C - 1595

Steve suffers from migraines.

Luckily for him, he doesn't have to suffer alone anymore.

My Heart Has Changed And My Soul Has Changed -

Rating - T, W/C - 1797

Steve helps Hopper stack firewood at the cabin. The two have a much-needed talk.

I'm Naming The Stars In The Sky After You -

Rating - T, W/C - 2074

In the aftermath of Vecna, Steve is struggling. Eddie looks after him.

But My Heart Is Just A Little Boy -

Rating - T, W/C - 2017

Steve wanted to surprise Eddie by joining in on D&D. Unfortunately, he's struggling with the math involved, and the kids aren't making it any easier.

Found -

Rating - T, W/C - 1787

Steve has been frantically looking for his missing cat for nearly a week, when he receives a voicemail from a stranger.

Knocking Me Out With Those American Thighs -

Rating - T, W/C - 850

Steve sunbathes in the tiniest shorts Hawkins has ever seen. Eddie tries and fails to keep his cool.

The Night Belongs To You -

Rating - T, W/C - 2004

It's the night before Eddie is leaving Hawkins. Things between him and Steve come to a head.

Sip The Sunlight From Your Eyes -

Rating - G, W/C - 706

The whole gang has gathered at Steve's place for a summer BBQ. Part way through, Eddie realizes Steve is missing, and finds him fast asleep in the midday sun.

All Along The Watchtower -

Rating - T, W/C - 1578

In the aftermath of the partial destruction of Hawkins, some of the group find a new home in a bunker outside what’s left of the town.

Steve has the night watch.

I Can't Hide From You Like I Hide From Myself -

Rating - T, W/C - 1535

Both suffering from the flu, Steve and Eddie aren't doing the best. Robin steps in.

Flowers In Your Hair -

Rating - G, W/C - 1250

Eddie enlists some help to find the perfect flowers for Steve. Despite his own insecurities, Eddie is learning that his boyfriend loves soft things.

you told me once that i'm selfish (and i kissed you hard, in the dark) -

Rating - G, W/C - 1452

Steve is used to spending time doing what Eddie wants to do. On a hot summer afternoon, the tables are turned when Steve asks Eddie to go hiking with him and Eddie is...not so thrilled about it.

Under July Stars That Would Glow Like Sparks -

Rating - G, W/C - 1243

At the end of their final summer in Hawkins, Steve and Eddie spend a bittersweet evening catching fireflies with Dustin.

Series:

It Was Always Burning -

Firefighter AU, collection of 65 (so far) oneshots in this universe, some written by floralsunrise. Ratings range G - M.

[artpharos]

I doubt she'd ever know that I'm going through antidepressant withdrawals. I doubt she'd even care, even though she's the reason I'm on them in the first place. To date, I've spent $4k in mental health support because of her, I've went through 3 years of constant breakdowns and psychosomatic pains, I FINALLY caught depression after years of her trying to convince me I had it, and now I'm going through antidepressant withdrawals with my brain buzzing every minute and she won't even acknowledge that any of what I feel- my anger, my grief, my heartache- is even REAL.

When she first hurt me 3 years ago she begged for me to stay, then said that all my reasons why I was angry at her for hurting me was because I was depressed. That nobody else in the whole goddamn world spotted said depression because I only trusted her the most. Whenever I asked her why she even wanted me in her life, she said she loved my fics and art, and couldn't put into words why she liked me. That she didn't tell people why she liked them AT ALL in case they stopped taking her seriously if she said it too much. So she never told me WHY she 'loved' me; what she even respected about me, something to actually give me some context for her wanting me in her life after she treated me like shit because 'we were so close so I thought you wouldn't take me snapping at you repeatedly seriously'.

So since she can't fucking tell me ANYTHING and just expects me to fucking read her mind cuz communication is for people who aren't close apparently, I think that's bullcrap and she just wanted me around because she didn't like the feeling of being called out for being an asshole. That she truly only ever cared about what I produced or what I gave to her (art, fics, someone to tell her how SMART she is), and not ME as a person. She didn't want to 'learn' how to deal with me if I really did have ADHD lmao and thought I just need to fucking get over my actual friend that I was supporting daily through their mental health struggles dying. Nevermind that my grandpa and another friend have died since I last spoke to her and I am still fine.

She kept talking about how she missed her friend and how I wasn't her friend. Fair enough, her friend would just roll over and suffer with a smile no matter how many times she hurt her. She kept saying how she wanted us to go back to how things used to be.

Truthfully? I wish she would just. Fucking apologise for hurting me all these years. But that's a pipe dream so frankly I just want her to do the fucking bare minimum and acknowledge my feelings are real. But see, if I tell her about my feelings and it hurts her because its not packaged in a nicely logical way, it's emotional manipulation and I intend to hurt her!! So like. Guess to her, nothing I ever feel is real.

She didn't want me to think of her as a horrible person and I didn't, not even after I finally named my pain. But her choosing to walk away, choosing to say none of this is real hence it can't be her fault- I can't still think of her as anything but horrible.

And she gets off scott free from any consequence while I continue to suffer because of her. It's fucked up.

I'll be fine, though. Withdrawals are nothing compared to the three years she put me through.

I wish she could be a better person. She can't, because she already thinks she's God's gift or something. I still wish; every god damn day.

[canisalbus]

i’ve been in a lot of undiagnosed pain recently and struggling with medical care for it, but your art and bits of lore have been giving me a wonderful distraction. you have my gratitude and appreciation!

I'm sorry to hear you've been in pain and not getting the proper treatment for it, that's awful. But I'm glad my art and ramblings have been able to take your mind away from it. I hope things work out for you soon!

[pointsfortrying]

Ah lads here we go again. Chat, who's going to tell them

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Me, opening up a packet of the stuff the vet gave me: “I hope this probiotic powder doesn’t put my cat off his food. Can’t really help with his digestion issues if he doesn’t eat it”

I spill some because my hands can have problems with stability

My cat: *licks the stuff up like a kid who just discovered what powdered sugar was*

Me: “is this flavored?”

My cat: begs me for more powder and momentarily forgets his food

Me: “this has to be flavored”

[mediapen]

this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life

[mitamicah]

It is not often I can stay away from sharing the joy of music and songwriting at an open mic event - today was one of those nights unfortunately...

[tortademaracuya]

"Today I will finish the concept art for this character and digitallize these 3 background sketches and the UI and if I have time left the start screen and my presentation" girl you spent the entire day fighting for your life trying to finish the base for the character. Sit down.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[shenzuns]

man.

my 2022 hard pill to swallow is that sometimes being bitter is not the best result for those i care about and even though i’m angry about things, being the mature one, being the kind one though that’s Really Fucking Hard will be the best thing.

and it hurts, and it sucks, and i want to be the asshole guard dog i’ve always ever been but no one’s ever stayed in the face of my rage so i have to be kind always. and i want to be kind, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so difficult and it hurts. i would love to stew in my rage and my bitterness and my cries of ‘it’s not fair’ but i’m not given the option to be childish anymore and it SUCKS ass and dicks and this is the cruelest thing abt growing up. being kind isn’t as easy as it used to be.