#how do i sign up a cat for therapy

[chomesuke]

someone should give my cat therapy so she doesn't hate other cats to the extent of trying to fight them through doors so I can have a second cat too

[novemberheart]

{overview} You get attacked. Does your pack step up for you?

{warnings} violence, blood, mentions of sexual content (no sexual abuse), fem reader, cursing, poly141, pain, crying, angst, a/b/o dynamics

Chapter 10 <- Chapter 11 -> Chapter 12

It was Simon’s last day of physical therapy. If he passed this he would be cleared to get back out in the field. On his way, he dropped you off at another Omega Committee event. This one you were actually excited about. It was a hike through the forest at the far end of the base. Priya wasn't there and you wished you had the presence of mind to have asked her for her number. But luckily you ran into Anais.

“You smell like peaches and cream. Anyone ever told you that?” she asked. The sound of Johnny yelling “peaches” instantly ran through your mind.

“A few, yeah.” you smiled.

“Well that's what I'm going to call you, PC for short.” she giggled. You had been called worse. Anais was a chatter. You didn't really mind though.

“Can I ask you something- something personal,” she whispered, leaning even closer to you. Curiosity killed the cat.

“How does it work with all five of you? Do they take turns-” she whispered.

“Oh my god, Anais.” you couldn't help but chuckle, despite the flaming of your cheeks. To be honest you were wondering the same thing.

“That was too much! I'm so sorry. I was just curious and I thought we were friends”-

“Anais it's alright. If I knew I probably wouldn't mind sharing a bit of info.” You assured. She relaxed.

“So you haven't?”

“No,” you responded truthfully.

“Have you ever?” she trailed off. You hadn't. You never really had the chance. You weren't sure if your pack members would approve of you spilling this information everywhere. “I'll take that as a no.” she snickered. You gave her a playful side-eye.

“Don’t worry about it. Took me forever to lose mine too.” she signed.

“It has not been forever!” you gasped, swatting at her. She laughed loudly causing a few heads to turn. Neither of you really cared.

“Just don't get your hopes up. First times are always terrible,” she advised, bumping you with her arm.

“Thanks for the pep talk.” you huffed.

“Do you have a favorite pack member yet?” she asked suddenly. You quickly shook your head. You enjoyed them all- truthfully. “I think if I was in a pack I would have my favorites. Hopefully one would be my alpha, but you never know,” she smirked.

“Can I ask you something?” you began.

“Shoot.”

“Did it hurt when you were marked?” you questioned.

“The first time, yes. I was in a long-term relationship with an alpha who wasn't entirely nice.”

“I'm sorry Anais.”

She quickly waved you off. “Don't worry about it. It was a long time ago. The second time, not as much. He did it during my heat and it only hurt for a day when I came out of it.” she explained.

“You’re strong Anais.” you said. She flashed you a smile.

“We’re omegas, PC. We have to be.”

The hike back was partly uphill, which was nobody's favorite.

“It was so beautiful when we left. When did it get so bloody hot out?” you panted.

“Look. The heat turns you English.” Anais chuckled through her own pants. You may have picked up a few phrases from the boys.

“Alright, everyone, take five!” One of the group leaders shouted. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. You had made it to the edge of the base, still a little under half a mile to get back.

“I’m going to go refill my water. You need some?” you asked. Anais flopped down on the grass, her arms blocking her face from the sun.

“No thank you.” she groaned, rolling onto her stomach. You made your way up to the front, intending to tell one of the leaders you were going to go get some water. You huffed as the same five omegas were consuming all their attention. “Whatever.” you sighed. You knew where it was, you had filled your water bottle up with Kyle a few days ago when he took you bird watching. Besides, Anais knew where you were.

You made your way quickly towards the buildings, going between them to the other side where the water fountain was.

“My thumbs gonna fall off,” you grumbled. You had to press and hold the button down hard. Kyle made it look easy. Your ears perked up at the sound of footsteps. Your head darted around not seeing anything. You figured you didn't need water that bad and began walking back.

You were abruptly thrown to the ground. Your shorts offered absolutely no protection against the rough gravel. The whole left side of your body slid against the ground, the force of the shove sending you a few feet. There was a low growl behind you and you acted purely on instinct. You felt a hand on your ankle pulling you back. You flipped yourself around, swinging your arm luckily catching a man's face with your claws. He howled, throwing himself away from you. You quickly shuffled backward trying to find your footing.

“Shit, that's 141.” the other man with him cursed. He grabbed the bleeding man pulling him away. Even though they were leaving, you knew you weren't safe. You were finally able to get your footing and began running around the corner, almost knocking Anais down in the process.

“What the fuck!” she shrieked. You were beginning to bleed at this point. It started dripping down your left leg, and right knee. It was starting to show through your shirt on your left side, your elbow, both your hands, and your chin. “It's okay, lovie.” she soothed. You were trying your hardest to keep it together, not wanting to create a scene, however, the pain and fear were making it very difficult.

“I can't go back to the group like this,” you whined. People will think you’re crazy.

“Don't worry. This wasn't your fault. Everyone will understand.” she soothed, gently pulling you along. You held your ground shaking your head. “PC you're bleeding a lot. You need help.” she insisted.

“I want my pack.” you whimpered. You pressed the backside of your hand against your mouth, your throat constricting.

“If you come with me you can get to them.” she urged. It was the push you needed. Luckily you didn't get very far before a group leader noticed and raced towards you.

“What happened?” he questioned. You ignored him, not really in the mood to talk to strange men, and pulled your backpack forward grabbing your phone out of the front pocket. You were lucky it hadn't shattered in the ordeal.

“Someone attacked her.” Anais growled, annoyed that he couldn't use the context clues.

“Hello?” Johnny had picked up after one ring. Hearing his voice made it impossible to hold back any tears. You sobbed into the phone. You heard him repeat your name on the other end, it growing louder and louder every time it left his lips.

“I need you, please. I'm not really sure where I’m at.”

“It's alright, Bon. I have your location pulled up on my phone, I'm near there. Just don't hang up,” he assured. Your chip. You breathed a sigh of relief, leaning against the side of the building.

“I think you should head back to the group.” The group leader directed towards Anais.

“No way,” she growled. “I’m not leaving her”

“Thank you.” you mouthed.

“Of course,” she whispered back. She leaned against the building with you. The rest of the group was still there, the other group leaders trying to prevent them from getting any closer. You didn't need to worry about that, as Johnny quickly rounded the corner, gravel flying under his feet. His mouth fell open at the state of you. His arms extended out and you quickly threw yourself at him, neither of you caring about any blood, sweat, or tears.

“I got you, baby,” he whispered, causing you to lose it again.

“I want to go home.” you whimpered, against his shoulder. Your legs were wrapped firmly around his waist, his arms squeezing you so hard you might have even more bruises.

“Alright.” he soothed. He nodded his head to the group leader and Anais.

“I'll come and visit you in a few days,” Anais called after you.

“Thank you.” you sputtered back. He didn't say a word but pressed his lips against the side of your head every few feet. He stopped setting you down causing you to sob louder. He peeled off his jacket quickly. Carefully dabbing your legs, where the most blood was coming out. He didn't want you to leave a trail of blood everywhere.

He went a back way, not wanting everyone to see his bloodied-up omega. Johnny carried you like you were a feather, weaving through buildings like it was just another day. Well to him it probably was.

Luckily too many people weren't hanging out around your home, the few that did were ignored or met with a snarl. You whimpered at the sound, all your senses on overdrive. You could tell how upset Johnny was, even though you couldn't smell him. He was shaking, growls escaping him nearly every moment. “Almost there.” he soothed. He made it out of the elevator, slamming his key card against the sensor and throwing open the door.

He set you down on the kitchen counter, making no move to pull away from you. He needed to calm you down first.

“S’alright,” he repeated against your head. “I need you to relax for me, lass. Gonna get you all taken care of, aye?” he shut his eyes tightly, resting his body against yours. Your hands dug into his shirt, and you growled at the inability to smell him. “I know what’ll help.” he soothed. He pulled away causing you to whine, and he darted into John's room grabbing a shirt out of his dresser. He brought it back, holding it up towards your face. You were about to bury your face in it but stopped.

“I don't want to get it bloody.” you sobbed.

“He won't mind, bon. Plus we know how to get blood stains out.”

You didn't need to be told twice, you buried your face into the fabric, nuzzling up to Johnny again. After a few moments, your breathing returned to normal and the tears fell quietly. You were quivering now, the pain making up for the loss of adrenaline. “Gonna tell the rest, okay?” he asked, causing you to nod.

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

-come home asap. Omega emergency

He tossed the phone on the counter, pulling away from you, sitting down in one of the stools so he was almost face-to-face with you.

“Need you to tell me what happened,” he demanded softly. He kept his jacket pressed against your legs and used a sleeve to stop the bleeding of your elbow.

“I went to get water,” you whispered. Your eyes burned, now dry. “I heard someone walking so I started to leave then all of a sudden someone pushed me to the ground.” his face twitched, his jaw clenching so hard you worried for his teeth. “He grabbed my ankle and started pulling me back, but I turned around and scratched him across his face. One of them said something about 141 and then they ran away,” you explained.

“That’s good. Did exactly what you should've. This happen by the water fountain?” he asked.

“Mhhh,” you confirmed, wondering what he was getting at. The door swung open.

“Holy shit,” Kyle hissed, eyeing you up and down. He was a bit out of breath and you wondered if he ran all the way here like Johnny had. “Let me see.” he insisted, nearly pushing Johnny out of the way. He peeled away the sweatshirt and pulled John's shirt out of your hands.

“Some bastards shoved her.” Johnny snarled.

“By where you took me to see the birds,” you spoke up.

“They've got cameras.” Kyle said exactly what Johnny was thinking. “Should get it pulled up for when the alphas come.” As if on cue the door slammed open again.

“Where is sh”- John cut himself off. “Let me see.” he demanded, pushing Kyle out of the way. If you weren't in pain you would've laughed.

“Someone pushed me, Johnny’s trying to find it on the cameras.” you caught him up to speed. Simon moved towards Johnny glaring over his shoulder at the device. “It was my fault,” you whispered to John. Everyone's head snapped to you. John had your face in his hands, looking over your chin. “I went away from the group to get some water. I should've stayed with the”-

“You don't get to take credit for this.” John sneered. “I don't care where the hell you are, who you are around, this should never happen to you. Understand?” he ordered.

“Yes, Alpha,” you responded quickly.

“Don't make it a habit though,” Kyle spoke, hovering back over by you and John.

“Got it,” Johnny said. John left you but Kyle stayed.

“I'm gonna take a few pictures of you, love. Gotta keep the evidence,” he explained.

“Okay,” you replied softly. Your eyes trained on the three men watching the video. Johnny's face curled again, gripping his phone so tight his knuckles were white. Simon and John appeared to be fairly level-headed, trying to pick up on every detail.

“Record it before someone deletes it,” John instructed. John came back to you, pressing his lips against your forehead. “I’m going to go take care of a few things. Me and Simon’ll be back soon,” he spoke through gritted teeth, taking an inhale of your scent to prevent himself from shaking. He pulled away, Simon following behind him like a dog. “Send me the pictures after.”

“You did good, pup.” Simon praised, heading out the door with John.

Hi friends! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Chapter 12 will be up in two days! See you then! 🧡

[cocoakrispis-blog]

✭ 1. ADMITTING YOU’RE A HOMOSEXUAL ✭

pairing ~ ellie williams x fem! reader

summary ~ (y/n) finally comes to terms with the fact that she may not be as normal as she thought.

warnings ~ homophobia, tones of a little bit of religious trauma, cat, ellie being a bit of a meanie

wc ~ 3.2k words

SERIES MASTERLIST

you followed close behind maria while still trying your best to take note of your surroundings.

despite the fact that this what you assumed was maria’s home everything in it seemed almost fake.

it was like you were walking on an untouched movie set and it seriously creeped you out.

the walk wasn’t very long and soon you and maria entered a small room that resembled an office.

you silently sat in the chair facing the desk while maria seated herself across from you.

“okay (y/n) once again welcome to true directions and allow me to go a little bit more into depth about how this camp will work. the others that are going to be staying here with you have already had the run down so i’m just going to get you caught up.” you nodded at her words and she continued.

“the true direction camp is a two month rehabilitation program that helps misguided girls straighten themselves out, more specifically correct their imaginary beliefs on sexuality. we use an easy five step program to reeducate and help our campers get back on the right path.” maria pointed to a black sign behind her that displayed all of the steps.

“for now we are going to focus on the first step which is admitting that you are a lesbian.” your brows slightly furrowed at her statement and you reach up to your neck to fidget with your cross necklace anxiously.

“i’m not a lesbian.” you mumble to yourself quietly.

maria ignores your quiet retaliation and doubles down.

“so you’re telling me that when you find yourself in the bathroom before class with one of your friends and you’re watching your friends apply their cherry red lipstick to their plump lips, or maybe you’re cheering and you glance at your teammates in their short frilly skirts using their strong thighs to jump into the air giving you a glance at their round butt, or when your team is showering in the locker room after a long sweaty practice and they’re lathering their perky breasts with the slippery soap your body doesn’t begin to react in unnatural ways and your mind begin to wonder to forbidden places.”

you gulp at maria’s over the top descriptions but can’t help but clench your thighs together to keep yourself grounded.

“no.” you croak out a pathetic response.

maria sighs at your reply and shakes her head in disappointment.

“(y/n) you will not be able to make any progress if you can’t complete the first step of admittance.”maria goes behind her desk and drops a pair of ugly grey scrubs on her desk. “until you are able to get past the first step you will be wearing these.”

you reluctantly grab the clothes from her desk and silently look at her to resume.

“for now i would like you to meet one of our other friends here at true directions, dina.”

as soon as she finishes her statement you turn to your right and watch as a tall tan girl with long black hair walks into the office with an almost sickly pink shirt and skirt combo.

“dina here will be showing you around our facilities and doing her best to help you feel welcome.”

you continue to stare at the beautiful girl as she stares ahead silently before maria clears her throat and shoes you two off out of her office.

as soon as you two make it out of the house dina let’s out a sigh of relief and sends you a small smile.

“sorry i was so quiet back there that lady totally gives me the creeps she’s like an evil barbie.” dina says her first words in ice you met her.

you giggle at her words and reassure her that you feel the same way.

“okay so i’m gonna be completely honest with you the schedule is a little bit nuts. we have to be up at 7:30 and then breakfast starts at 8 after that we have group therapy until lunchtime then in the afternoon we’re finally given a little bit of room to breathe and left alone to do whatever we want and then finally we come back inside to do some reorienting exercises oh and family therapy is on the weekends.” you nod along while listening to your new schedule for the next two months while dina leads you to another building with a pink door.

“do you have any questions so far?” dina turns around fully to look at you.

“no nothing so far.” you send her a smile.

with that dina turns back around to open up the pink door to the building.

“and then this is the pink prison where we sleep.” you follow dina into a very pink room with five beds.

“hey i think it’s cute i like the color pink.” you give her a playful nudge.

as you survey the room you seee an auburn haired girl with a tattoo on her forearm lying on one of the beds while smoking a joint.

you almost didn’t notice her because of how well her pink uniform blended into the pink bed.

dina doesn’t say anything to acknowledge the girl and continues her explanation.

“everyone has already claimed a bed so you’ll sleep there” dina points to one of the beds in the corner.

“you don’t really look like you’ll need this warning since you look about as innocent as can be but we are under no circumstances allowed to engage in any inappropriate behavior.” dina sends you a wink.

“but she’s smoking over there.” you cover your mouth with your hand and whisper to dina as quietly as possible.

dina laughs out loud at your confusion and looks at the other girl to explain.

“by inappropriate behavior she means fucking other girls.” the auburn haired girl speaks up for the first time since you’ve entered the room to defend herrself.

your cheeks warm at her vulgar language and the sultry nature of her voice.

dina laughs even harder at your flustered reaction and walks out of the bedroom while still snickering.

you quickly turn around to follow after her but forget that the scrubs you were given did almost nothing to cover your nether region.

“cute panties newbie.”

you squeak at her comment and quickly shut the back of you scrubs closed before rushing out of the room and making sure to shut the door behind you.

once you made it out of that embarrassing situation you look up to see a chart with you and dina’s name on it as well as three other unfamiliar names.

“sorry about ellie she’s kind of a bitchy wannabe bad boy don’t mind her i’m pretty sure she’s actually a softie deep down.”

you nod silently at dina’s words and make sure to remember the name of the girl who left you feeling extremity embarrassed.

“so this chart is kind of meant to like show our progress through the five steps.” you observe the chart and see that everyone already has a check next to their name and under the first step except for you.

“i promise it’s not really that hard you just need to say it out loud ‘i’m a lesbian!” dina giggles slightly as she repeats the phrase her and the other girls were required to say the day before.

you let out a breathe and grab the cross necklace dangling from your neck tightly.

“sounds easy enough.”

after the tour was over it was time for the group therapy so dina leads you back into the house to a room that already held ellie two other unfamiliar faces and maria.

dina very quietly makes her way to the other side of the room to take a seat in her empty chair while you stand awkwardly at the doorway.

“why don’t you have a seat and join us (y/n)” maria gives you a bright smile and motions to the seat facing everyone else with a bright pink bow wrapped around it.

you stare at the chair and bow in confusion and look at maria for further explanation.

“go ahead unwrap it!”

you fight the urge to roll your eyes at how extra the whole thing is and grab one end of the hot pink bow to unravel it.

once you unravel it maria bursts into applause and urges the other girls to do so.

you awkwardly give everyone a crooked smile before finally taking a seat.

“well everyone why don’t you introduce yourself.” maria turns to the girls.

a sweet looking girl with brown skin and dark brown curls is the first to stand up and introduce herself.

“hi i’m riley i like to play softball and i’m a lesbian.” she smoothly gets out her introduction without any mess ups.

once she finishes everyone begins clapping again which catches you by surprise but you quickly begin to catch on just as the applause is dying down.

next dina decides to stand up to introduce herself.

“hello my name is dina which you already know i’m a very loyal friend to all and i’m a lesbian.”

everyone begins clapping again a before the next girl stands up to introduce herself.

the girl that goes after dina is an asian girl with a very grunge aesthetic despite being in all pink and a mean look on her face.

“i go by cat i like pain and i’m a lesbian.”

you slightly wince at the girls kind of scary introduction but make sure to clap like you did for the rest of the girls.

you turn to look at ellie to introduce herself but she stays seated.

“you already know me.” ellie sighs slumps even further into her seat.

“ellie.” maria gives the freckle faces girl a stern look which makes her roll her eyes.

“hello fellow lesbians my name is ellie williams and i really really really like girls like a lot.”

everyone slightly snickers at ellie’s goofy introduction but awards her with the same applause.

once the clapping stops maria turns to you.

“okay (y/n) now it’s your turn.” maria asks you to introduce yourself.

you nod and stand up to face the group.

“hi my name is (y/n) i like cheerleading and uh yeah.”you quickly sit down when you realize you’re still not exactly ready to say the words out loud.

“okay well um how about i start with a question to jumpstart this discussion.”

“so (y/n) when was the first time you realized you may be a lesbian?” maria sends you what you consider a very inappropriate and uncomfortable question.

“oh no i’m not a lesbian everyone just thinks that i am. i’m really just here to prove my friends and family back home that i’m not” you clear your throat and shift in your seat awkwardly.

the room goes very very quiet and you feel your palms start to sweat at everyone’s eyes being on you.

“that is a perfectly fine place to start (y/n) may i ask about the issues that were brought up in your intervention.” maria tries her best to keep the bright smile on her face despite your lackluster answer.

you think to yourself for a second before recalling all of them.

“well i recently decided to become vegetarian to stay more in shape for cheer i have some pictures of women’s round my room and locker-”

riley speaks up to cut you off.

“do you think that’s normal” she asks he question everyone in the room was probably thinking.

“i mean yeah i think it’s pretty uh normal….. i don’t know i haven’t really thought about it too hard i just hang up pictures that make me happy.” you look down at your lap in shame.

“how about we move onto my next question have you ever had a boyfriend before or do you have any experience with boys?” maria asks you plainly.

“well yes of course i have a boyfriend whom i love ver much back at home he loves football and well me!” you finally give a response that sounds good in your head.

“oh wow he sounds extremely interesting.”ellie snickers at your lackluster description.

“h-he is very interesting.” you cross your arms defensively.

“have you guys done the deed before?” dina gives you a curious look.

“no of course not i’m a christian!” you gasp at the implication of even going further than kissing with your boyfriend.

“well does he at least make you a little bit hot and bothered?” cat follows up dina’s previous question.

you frown at the question and give her a weird look.

“i mean do you think of him when you’re like touching yourself and stuff.” cat rolls her eyes at your obliviousness.

your jaw drops to the floor and you have trouble picking it up to even formulate a response.

“well i ever- t-that’s just not- i don’t t-think that.” you cut yourself of and take a deep breath to find some composure.

“listen no offense to any of you guys but i’m just not like you.” you give them all a sorry look.

“i get good grades, i go to church, i’m a cheerleader!” you exclaim proudly.

everyone in the room gives you almost a stare of pity causing you to get even more frustrated.

“i’m normal guys everyone reads magazines, likes receiving compliments from other girls, and enjoys staring at their fellow girls to admire their beauty all the time.” you hero your hands up in the air in exasperation.”

“yeah you do all of that and assume that they want to do the same thing as you but they don’t” ellie finally puts her two cents into the conversation.

you feel yourself freeze in your tracks at ellie’s statement and you stare at the room almost mortified.

“i-i thought everyone thought the same way i did i thought i was n-normal.” you reach up to grab onto the cross necklace you wore.

“so you admit you’re not normal then.” maria rises from her chair to softly pat your shoulder.

you gasp as the sudden realization hits you and immediately feel tears start to well up in your eyes.

“i’m a lesbian!”

you begin to sob as you finally say the phrase out loud and repeat the phrase over and over still in disbelief.

“you did it (y/n) you completed your first step at true direction!” maria gives you a gleeful look.

all the girls in the room rush up to you to give you a big hug to comfort you.

unfortunately the hug doesn’t work and you continue to cry harder than you ever had before.

maria gently pulls you to the side to give you some comforting words.

“it’s all gonna be okay (y/n) don’t you worry.”

maria hands you an identical pink uniform to the rest of the girls in the room and sends you a smile. “here put these on you’re making progress.”

eventually everyone files out of the room to leave you alone to continue to cry it out.

“i can’t believe everyone was right.” you clutch your new uniform close to your chest.

you don’t know how long you were in the group therapy room crying but after a while dina comes in there with a concerned look.

“i know this can all be very shocking you i promise it gets easier why don’t you go change so we can head to dinner.” dina leads you out of the room as gently as possible.

soon after you find yourself in the corridor grabbing dinner with the rest of the girls.

you notice ellie was siting with cat while dina and riley sat at another table.

as you walk past her table she gives you a smirk.“congrats on making your first big step in this place pom-pom.” she snickers at her own nickname while cat chuckles alongside her.

you give them a look before beelining it towards the table where dina and riley were sitting.

once you make it to the other table. ilya don dina send you a sympathetic look.

“don’t worry about them we are genuinely proud of you (y/n) we both know what you did today was very difficult.” riley gives you a genuine smile while dina nods in agreement.

“thank you guys.” you return the smile before beginning to eat your surprisingly good meal.

after you all finish dinner you head back to your shared bedroom to get ready for bed.

everyone was pretty quiet most likely due to their exhaustion and before you know it you’re tucked away in your soft pink bed.

it was a little bit difficult to fall asleep in such an unfamiliar atmosphere but eventually you find yourself in a light sleep.

much to your dismay your light sleep is disturbed when your ears pick up an annoying continuous buzzing sound.

you pry open your eyes to see cat’s bedsheets high over her head and a red light emitting from underneath the covers.

you realize this is where the buzzing is coming from nd you quietly rise from your bed to go investigate.

“hey cat what are you doing are you okay?” you lightly tap on her moving form form under the sheets.

you wince when you see how roughly she rips the sheets from her head and do your best to calm her.

“sorry i didn’t mean to scare you i just wanted to check on you.”

cat rolls her eyes and gives you a half ass response. “i’m doing AV now leave me be.”

“what’s AV?” you questions yhe unfamiliar abbreviation curiously.

“its aversion therapy you use it to help you stop having inappropriate thoughts about other girls.” cat further explains herself. “you shock yourself whenever you start to have those naughty thoughts.

“sounds painful.” you frown.

“no pain no gain.” cat shrugs her shoulders casually.

you glance down and realize you see an item that looks extremely out of place in her sheets.

“hey is that ellie’s sock?” you question cat cautiously.

“fuck off.” she gives you a glare before throwing the covers back over her head.

as soon as you make it back into bed the door the the room opens and mary flashes a bright flashlight into your face.

“(y/n) you have a phone call.” she sighs plainly.

you rise from your bed and follow mary into her house where she leads you to her phone.

“hi sweetie!” you hear the familiar voice of your mother on the other side of the phone.

“hi mom.” you smile to yourself softly.

“sorry we’re calling s late honey we just had to make sure you were doing okay.” you then hear your dad.

“hi dad and yeah i’m doing okay miss you guys a lot.” you fiddle with the phone line.

“well that’s all we needed to hear we won’t keep you long we know it’s late.” your mom hums.

“we can’t wait until you’re normal sweetie sleep well and remember we love you.” your dad brings a swift end to the conversation.

“love you guys too!” you respond softly before ending the call.

maria then dismisses you and you walk back to the bed room in silence.

“yeah normal.” you sigh to yourself quietly.

a/n: this took way too long my head hurts so ad and i am so tired will come back and edit in th morning. this took forever to write but i think it came out a little bit better than the last chapter. if ou didn’t already notice i am not going to be asking in any of the gay guys because i couldn’t think of enough male tlou characters to fill the role hope that doesn’t;t irk anyone too bad. anyways i hope you guys enjoyed!

taglist: @st4r-b3rries @dollyvuu @lvlymicha @jellyfishrnice @machetegirl109 @smiths-fan--13 @elliewilliamssrealgf @ravyaryn @yuhgetintoonit @nelzooo @luvmily @dearestdolly444 @venuzasmuse

[boxofshadows]

How Pro-Heroes would react to y/n getting attacked by a villain and ending up in the hospital

✦Includes: Midnight, Eraserhead, All Might, Ms. Joke✦

A/N: sfw!! requests are open if your fav isn't here! I'll write for anyone~★

Midnight

Midnight is incredibly good at hiding her emotions, I believe. Shes used to wearing a mask 24/7 in her hero role, so when she finds out you'd been hospitalized by a villain, she puts on a mask of levelheadedness. She would feel guilty if you had to comfort her after you'd just been traumatized.

Course, you aren't used to this side of her, so you assume she doesn't care. You end up breaking down and asking if she even cares.

"Of course I care, love, did I make it seem like I didn't?" "I'm so sorry baby, I just didn't want to stress you more."

After that, things smooth out. If you don't mind the eventual scar, she'll make it into a joke and flirt about it. "Y'know, I always thought scars were attractive~" and similar things.

If you don't like the idea of a scar, she offers comfort, and a way to hide it until you're more comfortable. "If you want, I can help you hide it and minimize it."

Shes very affectionate the entire time, she doesn't leave the hospital until you basically force her to go check on your cat and get some actual sleep.

Secretly blames herself for not being able to protect you.

After you get out of the hospital she doesn't treat you like glass, persay, but she does NOT let you do anything against your doctor's orders.

She also helps you sign up for therapy and reminds you that whatever happened wasn't your fault. (Hypocrite much?)

Kisses you and reassures you 24/7

It takes a bit for her to stop blaming herself, but you work together:)

Eraserhead

Most emotional man I know of. "logical" my ass.

Aizawa is immediately at your side. Like he will run across rooftops to get to you. He has NO chill. Part of me believes he gets to the hospital at the same time as you.

Clingiest motherfucker alive. Every ten minutes in the waiting room it's "Can I go in yet?" To the nurses. He doesn't sit down once.

Once he gets to you literally nothing is capable of getting him away from you.

He comforts you whenever you need it, deep down he knows there was nothing he really could've done to get there sooner. He's completely and totally focused on you.

When your other friends get the clear to see you, Joke takes pictures of you and him sleeping in the most awkward position

Brings your favorite blankets and foods

Makes you a playlist of classical music to help you sleep

Anything you need, bro is on it immediately

Once you're released he refuses to let you do anything strenuous. He opens the car door for you, helps you get buckled, etc etc.

He does take the hint when you ask to shower alone, and backs off a bit after that.

He offers to ask Recovery Girl to heal you, and brings you painkillers when you need them.

He understands your paranoia after the incident and helps you learn basic ways to keep yourself safe.

All Might

Would get to the hospital as soon as he could, but knows that you'd want him to stay and finish any responsibilities.

If he's in the middle of something, he finishes it as fast as he can and then gets to the hospital.

He gets there just as you're being taken to a room

Instantly asking if you're okay, if you need anything. The second you say you need something he's on it.

Also a clingy motherfucker

But he knows how to distract you from whatever hurts with dumb jokes and pictures of his student's progress.

Knows how to fill dead air basically. Doesn't really ask about the villain unless you bring it up, just to make sure he doesn't potentially trigger anything.

Listens empathetically when you tell him about what happened.

Offers to get you food, but you're both indecisive so it's just a back and forth of:

"what do you want to eat?"

"idk, I'm good with whatever, what do you want"

"you're the one in the hospital bed, what do you want?"

"you have to go get it, so-"

"fine, (food you hate) it is."

"..."

Won't treat you like glass, he knows what it's like and fuckin hated it.

Still offers to help you though, he just doesn't want to suffocate you

Takes you on drives across the coast to get a break from the city

Ms. Joke

Tries to act like she wasn't worried and knew you'd be fine the whole time

She didnt

She had to call Midnight to calm her down

Makes jokes about you "being apart of the club now" (having been attacked by villains) and then apologizes for what happened

Brings you treats and things to make you smile (comfort items, silly things she saw at the store, etc)

Has Nemuri smuggle your guy's tiny dog in and out like twice

Sits in silence and watches you sleep

Brings you headphones to drown out the annoying beeping

A little over protective afterwards

Clingy, but not Shouta clingy.

"you should go home"

"why, is something wrong?"

"you haven't left the hospital in a week, you clown."

"oh yeah. Oops!"

"..."

"ok ok I'm going!"

Showers, but also washes the exact same clothes and rewears them just to fuck with you "you didn't say I had to change"

"tell me you washed those, em, or you're on the couch and the dog gets your pillows."

"Of course I did!"

[totheblood]

true blue. (four)

pairing: modern!ellie williams x reader

summary: ellie has a crisis

warnings: suggestive themes, drug/alcohol usage, cursing, descriptions of abusive behavior (neither ellie or reader engages in these behaviors)

a/n: MORE ELLIE JOURNALING.. this is the final part! i won't be writing any more true blue i apologize i didn't realize how emotionally taxxing this would be for me. also the ai audios are at the bottom! hope u like them THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD - I apologize. I would greatly appreciate any reblogs, comments, asks you have about this chapter. thank you for supporting me through this journey!

read the first three chapters here from the masterlist!

Ellie was on the verge of breaking down.

This pain was becoming all too familiar to her and the weight of it only grew each second she spent with you. Her fingertips had grown numb as she sat across from you in the restaurant as she wrapped them around the base of her glass. If she thought the heartbreak of Cat would take her out, she knew that the heartbreak of you would move her existence to a different plane of existence.

If she was really honest with herself, she didn’t really love Cat, but rather how Cat had made her feel. It was all-consuming, over the top, mushy love. The love you see in movies but never expect to happen to you, but it was all just words when it came down to it. The fact of the matter is, if you tell someone they’re your soulmate ten times a day they will start to believe it. 

It wasn’t oxytocin that Ellie felt around Cat, it was pure adrenaline. She was always looking to reach that high with her again as she pulled away from her, but as the rush died out and Cat continuously degraded Ellie, she found herself accepting less than she deserved or wanted. She wanted Cat to want her again, but Cat never wanted her. Cat never wanted anybody.

But it wasn’t like that with you. For starters, you didn’t tell Ellie you were in love with her on your second date. You didn’t try to convince her that she was made for you. You were just there with your sickly sweet smile and long eyelashes that made Ellie’s heart pound in her chest. You were good.

Or so she thought. 

She couldn’t quite explain why, but Ellie believed Cat. Cat was a manipulator and a bitch, but she wasn’t a liar. Plus, the way her face filled with joy at the chance to tell Ellie that her current fix hated her was too real. The sinister laugh was fucking genuine.

So here Ellie sat across from you at the dinner she had planned to ask you to be her girlfriend at, a sick rage burning in her chest. She didn’t know why she didn’t cancel but she didn’t know why she was doing a lot of things these days.

“Tell me about your day.” You spoke, breaking Ellie out of her trance.

“My day?” She questioned, eyes flicking up to you.

“Yeah, silly. Anything interesting happen?” You asked, the smile on your face stirring something evil in Ellie’s gut. You looked so fucking good today it’s almost if you knew she was planning on asking you out. 

“No.. not really. Ran into my ex actually.” She said simply, playing with the fork in her hand. She studied your face closely and watched as it slightly faltered at the mention of her ex. If she didn’t know you, she might’ve not caught it. 

“Oh, really?” You questioned, sipping your water and toying with the chain around your neck. It was a tell tale sign you were nervous. “You don’t really talk about your ex.” 

“Yeah, she was the worst so I don’t like thinking, or talking, about her all that much.” Ellie knew her tone was coming off harsh, but she didn’t care. The way your demeanor changed told her all she needed to know about you.

“Yeah… that makes sense.” You were obviously uncomfortable with how the air shifted but you were trying to keep the peace. “My day was good, I went to that thing in the Student Center. The therapy dog thing. It was so cute I almost died. Do you want to see a picture of me and the dogs?” 

“Not really.” Ellie replied, leaning back in her chair. The way your face fell would have made her put together heart break.

“D-did I do something?” Your voice was shaking a bit but your gaze remained steady. Ellie needed to leave.

“No, baby, I’m not really having the best day so I’m just going to leave.” Before you could even protest Ellie threw down three twenties, grabbed her jacket, and left. You didn’t chase after her, nor did you call that night, and Ellie knew it was sick of her, but that really bothered her. 

D: idk i don’t think pookiana would do that

E: Pookiana?? Seriously? This isn’t funny, Dina.

D: i know it’s not funny but are you really trusting cat

E: You should have seen her face when I said I ran into Cat. Plus Cat was too happy to tell me. It’s true, D.

D: well u should still talk to her about it, just abandoning her at a date is not cool

D: it’s cat behavior

E: Don’t do that.

E: I need to do something. I need to be out.

D: there’s a house party tomorrow? you could join

E: Will there be girls?

D: ellie what r u doing 

D: don’t do this don’t self destruct

E: Yes or no?

D: there are always girls 

E: I’ll be there.

The following night Ellie found herself taking several hits off her pen for courage. Deep inside she knew she wanted to be with you tonight, wrapped up in your comically large blankets watching a dumb movie or Planet Earth, but she couldn’t do that to herself. 

Plus, you hadn’t contacted her since the date and it was driving Ellie crazy. At this point she had assumed that you knew she caught onto you and had decided a fight wasn’t worth your time. So she decided not to care, an ability that seemed all too new to her.

The party was as fun as you could imagine, skins slick with sweat and the air dry and humid. Ellie was feeling adventurous and, for once in her sorry life, she didn’t stick to the side of the wall for the entirety of the night. She was socializing, laughing, and even dancing. On the outside she appeared happy and carefree.

On the inside, however, Ellie was beginning to panic. She knew escaping the reality of her life would only be a brief relief from the things that plagued her everyday mind, but she didn’t expect the high to die off so quickly. Her mind was telling her, run run run, but her feet stayed planted and her body continued to sway. 

In the dark of the party and the high still hanging over her head, she almost didn’t realize the girl dancing in front of her. She began to grind on Ellie, shaking her hips to the music and causing Ellie’s brain to short circuit. 

It felt wrong, mostly because it wasn’t you. Fuck fuck fuck, her brain rang again as it did many times before, but this time Ellie wasn’t stopping. Not only did she not stop the girl, but her own hands found her waist, holding on as Ellie pulled her in and swayed with the music. Ellie hated to admit it but she was turned on. Her touch-starved and emotionally rotting brain needed skin to skin contact to bring her back down to Earth, she needed to be held by someone. 

Unlike last time, however, she refused to find solace in crying on Dina’s lap again. No, this time she was going to find it in the lips of another. So as she danced she began to press sloppy wet kisses on the girl’s neck, making sure to take her skin in between her teeth. She was trying to elicit a response, any response that would tell her how good she was doing. And when she got that, a moan from the girl in front of her that rumbled across Ellie’s chest, she held her back to her chest and connected her lips to hers. 

It felt good, it felt foreign, and for a brief moment in time Ellie’s mind was completely silent. She wasn’t thinking about the name of the girl she was kissing. She wasn’t thinking about Cat. She wasn’t thinking of you. The only thought that consumed her at this moment was how her tongue was in a random person’s mouth and how amazing it felt. Until, she was being ripped off of the girl and met with your tear-stained face.

“What the fuck are you doing, Ellie?” You cried out, the person Ellie was just intertwined with now slinking off into a corner. The party went on, but others stopped to watch the scene you were beginning to make.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” She spat, anger written all over her face. Her heart was aching in her chest at the sight of you. She wanted to reach out to you, kiss the tears off your face and tell you everything was okay, but she didn’t have it in her to do that.

“It looks like you’re cheating on me.” You fumed, eliciting a gasp from the party goers. Dina pushed past a group of people to find the two of you staring down each other. She frantically ran up in between you and Ellie, grabbing both of your arms before pulling you up the stairs and outside. 

The air outside was cold. Under the streetlights you could see the tip of Ellie’s nose turn red, but what you now noticed was the red rim around her eyes. She had been crying but it was masked by the seemingly unprovoked rage she had for you. 

“I’m not cheating on you because I’m not with you… you are not my girlfriend.” She pointed out, her anger looking more like sadness. 

“I’m not your girlfriend… but I mean something to you, right?” You pleaded, letting your tears fall freely. 

“You meant something to me. Not anymore. I’m not doing this with you. I won’t be able to survive it if it’s you.” Ellie was almost sure she wasn’t making much sense, but her head was pounding and Dina was standing on the porch staring at the two of you with her arms crossed. All Ellie wanted to do was run, but if she ran she had a feeling she would be running from you her whole life.

“What did I do? Just tell me that. I thought we were happy.” You were sobbing, but everytime you took a step towards Ellie, she took a step back.

“Did you know about me before we met?” Ellie asked with a straight face.

“Wha-” You began.

“Did you know who I was before we met? It’s a simple question.” 

“Yes… but-” You were trying to explain yourself but Ellie wasn’t having it. For some reason you confirming her suspicions hurt more than she assumed it would and she was already turning around walking back towards the house. 

“Ellie, stop! Let me explain.” You pleaded, chasing after her hot on her tracks. She whipped around to turn back to you, her speed almost knocking you off your feet.

“No, you don’t get to explain. I trusted you. I liked you. I fell for you for fucks sake. I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend after swearing that I would never let that happen and it was all what? A joke to you? This isn’t fucking funny, this is my life. And you… you made it good for so long and to know that it was all fake? I’m not coming back from this.” Ellie was speaking without thinking at this point.

“You think this is a joke to me? Are you fucking serious? When were you going to mention that we shared an ex? Huh? You want to be mad at me for what? Not liking you 2 years ago when I didn’t know you? When my ex told me she was leaving me for you? This hasn’t been some revenge plot Ellie, it was two years ago. I moved on. Did I think I was going to move on with you? No, but I did and I can’t change that, but you don’t get to treat me like this for not sharing that piece of information with you. You don’t get to reduce my love for you down to that. Down to Cat.” Your tears had stopped flowing but your eyes and face were still puffy. 

“I didn’t tell you about it because I had decided to put it- Wait… you love me?” Ellie stopped herself, not realizing what you had said. 

“What? I never said that.” You argued. 

“You just did. You said, “You don’t get to reduce my love for you down to that.” She said, mocking your voice. 

“I don’t fucking sound like that, and we are having a fight right now. Can we get back to it?” You reiterated, but something in Ellie’s eyes had shifted. It was almost like she was expecting you to be the evil thing she thought you were, but you weren’t. But as the realization that you were, once again, innocent dawned on her, so did her guilt. 

“I just… I assumed you were doing this… dating me… to get back at me. Honestly, it’s because that’s exactly what I would do. But you’re not me, and I’m sorry. I don’t think I have ever felt this way about a person in my whole life. It was already freaking me out and then Cat told me that you hated me and my mind went to the worst. I’m just… I’m sorry.” Her voice was steady but she was panicking. All you did was stare at her with your puffy eyes and red lips and all Ellie wanted to do was kiss you. Give you a bath and rub your back till you forgave her. All she felt like she was doing was causing you more pain, and she wanted it all to stop.

“I love you.” It came out of Ellie’s mouth so quickly. Almost as a plea, but she knew she meant it. She knew she meant it a while ago but the idea of it becoming real terrified her. She watched as your eyes lit up then quickly dimmed again. Suddenly there were tears in your eyes and her confession felt more like an assault.

“Don’t do that. Don’t say that to me if you don’t mean it. I’ve healed from my shit with Cat but it still hurts, this hurts. Being led on. This back and forth. If you are saying you love me you have to mean it and you have to stay.” It was you saying this that made Ellie realize just how unfair she had been to you. She knew you had healed from Cat, but it was becoming painfully obvious how much work Ellie had to do. For fucks sake you had to watch her dry hump another girl just to have this conversation. And you were still here. You hadn’t left or avoided her, but rather gave her time to breathe. This was healthy. This was good. And Ellie felt like she didn’t deserve any of it.

“I do mean it. I love you. I love all the beautiful and weird things about you. I love you and I will say that until my face turns blue. I love the fuck out of you. I know I don’t deserve you, I know this is hard but I’m trying to grow. I want to stay. I want to be there for you, but I think I need help learning how. I’m not like you, I’m not there yet, but I want to be. For you.” Ellie was fidgeting with her hands, it was obvious she was extremely nervous and expected you to reject her.

What she didn’t expect was for you to close the gap in between the both of you and press a gentle kiss to her lips. 

“I’m going to stay, but if you grind up and make out with another girl again I’m leaving. No questions asked. Okay?” You were smiling a smile that said ‘I’m fucking serious’ and that made Ellie fall a little more in love with you.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t want anyone else’s lips except yours.” She smiled leaning down to press another kiss to your lips, then your cheek, and then your neck.

“Are you guys done? Can we go back to the party?” Dina yelled from the porch, having watched the whole scene unfold. Ellie just ignored her as she pressed another gentle kiss to your neck, her arms wrapping around your waist pulling you as close as possible to her. All you could do was laugh and allow Ellie to slightly lift you off of the ground with how tight she was holding you. 

“Real classy, you guys. I’m going back in.” Dina called out one more time, not knowing you and Ellie would never make it back inside.

One Year Later…

Excerpts from Ellie’s Journal:

My girlfriend is a saint… well obviously cause she’s dating me but she did the whole last part of our project. I was totally lost that whole class but my genius girl got us an A.. She did fail her pottery class. She’s so fucking bad at that shit.

I took her to a cat cafe for her birthday… she cried so much hugging the cat’s that we got asked to leave… we got asked to leave because my girlfriend was squeezing the cats so bad and crying into their fur. The barista said she was causing them emotional distress… I gave them one star on Yelp.

She came and visited Jackson over winter break… Game night with her and Joel was a complete nightmare, they are both so competitive. I had to hold her back because she tried to physically fight Tommy… God, I love her so much.

She got me a guitar pick with her initials on it for Christmas. Told me now I had to play for her, she didn’t know that her gift was the song I wrote her. My sweet little baby cried. It was so precious.

She’s so fucking talented with her fingerhiuoiji

We’re roommates next semester… I’m never going to get any fucking sleep. It’s fine because I like the trade-off but my grades are about to plummet.

I drew her when we were sitting together in the park today. It’s just getting warm again and she’s wearing shorter skirts… I know I sound like a perv but she looks really hot is skirts… anyways, I drew her and she cried.. Again. She’s so sentimental that it makes my heart ache.

I’ve never imagined in my whole sorry life that I could be this happy with someone. It’s easy. Whoever said love was hard wasn’t in love with my girl because it is by far the easiest thing I have done in my whole life. I sleep better at night, I smile more, I feel content. She has put the stars in the sky for me. I don’t know what I was so afraid of. Love is good. She is good. I love her.

It’s our one year anniversary and I can't believe this freak hasn’t killed me or herself yet (accidentally). She got a job at Bean and brings me home ice tea every day. We’ve started reading books together and she strokes my hair when she knows I’m tired. She knows me better than I know myself. I’ve learned things about myself while being with her. She encourages me everyday to grow and to try new things. I feel like a new person, but I still feel like me. Like the me who loves this girl with her whole heart. 

ai audios:

ai audios links:

what does it look like i'm doing?

did you know who i was?

you meant something to me

wait you love me?

i love you

yea yea

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Sagau touched starved reader but you know got trauma so not comfortable with being touched. Like staring like a cat for affection but terrified of being hugged back or things like that

You got it, Anon! Though, I will warn you a little: I'm not going to go too deep into detail with the trauma stuff. It'll be very brief.

Touch Starved! Reader Wanting Hugs From Zhongli, Diluc, and Al-Haitham...With A Twist.

Zhongli

The moment he realizes that you are touched-starved, this old man isn't exactly sure what to do. After all, you got some extreme PTSD going on after the whole "imposter-creator" fiasco.

He does try to approach it as a topic, but since you're weary of (quite literally) everyone and find suspicion in every action, you kind of catch on to his intentions. And Zhongli notices this, but he's still going to take it slow.

"I assure you, Your Grace, I will not push your boundaries lest you are uncomfortable." He's sincere and means every word. To him, this is like signing a contract. He's the God of Contracts, so this is especially important to him. What he says is solid as stone—his dedication to prove that is clear as day.

This man is also very keen—he sees how you look like a touch-starved cat when you want affection, but are too scared to approach and ask. It kind of breaks him, but he doesn't show it because he wants to prove that he's not helping out of pity, but understanding.

In the end, Zhongli will probably be able to be near you, and get in a few (with consent) head peats that you are very well aware of. It's going to take time for you to warm up to him before this guy gets to hug you.

Diluc

This guy probably understands your intense cat-staring the most. He sometimes feels like that after his father passed. He's very unsure and awkward of what to do, if I'm being honest.

After a little while, of course, Diluc feels like he should place the offer out. He feels too awkward and guilty for just noticing you like this and not doing anything about it.

"Your Grace...I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries, but please know that I am willing to offer you any assistance you need." It's only later does he realize you wanted hugs and were too scared to ask for it.

Yeah...he's not exactly that open with his emotions either, so it will definitely be awkward, but he is willing to give it a few tries. Diluc will also be the first to pull back and apologize if he realizes you are in any discomfort.

To say it took a while is only putting it in the simplest form.

Alhaitham

Oho...if you though Diluc was awkward, consider this man. He's more "thinking machine that feels" than like his roommate ("feeling machine that thinks"), so he definitely does not understand the "social cue" that is your cat-stare.

He has done research (aka read books way back in the days and remembered the contents) and understands the mental turmoil you've gone through, so he has gone through the steps of trying to get out of your way, and also try and link you to a therapist. This, of course, kind of fails.

"Your Grace...please get some therapy. It's beneficial for your mental health." Quite literally might drag Tighnari or someone else into this if he can't convince you. This is quite literally out of his expertise.

The entire "I want a hug" cue flies completely over his head, and had it not been for Kaveh (and/or Nahida), he probably wouldn't have realized his mistake.

...Yes, it took what felt like 3 eternities just for him to try and give you affection. Must I say anything else?

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: AND HERE WE ARE! Anon, I am so sorry for taking 30 years to do this, but I have finished it! Boy, I was so tired and stressed these days, but I'm kinda glad I finished this!

For anyone waiting for The Lost Shining God of Celestia Pt. 2, please have some patience—I currently do not have much motivation to work on that series. Instead, feel free to dump requests in my mailbox!

Also—feel free to dump any HSR requests into my mailbox! I want to give them a try :)

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[wraithdance]

Stray Dogs | GHOAP x Reader

Synopsis: You never had a problem with strays, but you should have been wary of the rabid dogs begging to be leashed.

Pairing: Johnny x Avoidant!reader | eventual Ghoap x Avoidant!reader Note: AFAB!Reader, No physical description but reader has background story, no y/n use or gender terms for reader, Reader is LGBT (Bisexual) Content warning: Mature | brief mentions of childhood trauma, avoidant personality, therapy and allusions to mental health issues, passive thoughts of death

Prologue: Foxy Leaves

You told your new therapist that you like putting things into categories because it was fun.

It was half a lie, minuscule really and not enough to be of consequence. You suppose you could have been honest and said the process of grouping things made the endless dread you lived in just a little bit easier.

But you didn’t really like the pitying look Dr. Sanchez gave you when she went over your intake questionnaire. She’d looked down her glasses while you numbly repeated the same spiel about ‘what brings you to cognitive therapy’ that you’d been giving for the last decade. 

You’d google her practice on your lunch break scrolling through the reviews and stuffing the last of your sandwich in your cheeks. In your car before the first session you silently prayed to the empty space that this time you could stick with her long enough to fix you.

You doubt it though because her bob bounces as she nods to your explanation of ‘The Chasm’ and how it came to be. The way that it bounces as she hums, being sure to signify her active listening. It really pisses you off. 

The familiar sense of despair boils hot when you realize that even though this is an unfamiliar office half way across from town, she’s giving you the look. The one of interest, like she wants to crack open your skull and observe your chaotic wiring in hopes to understand what your fucking problem is.

It’s the same one every other therapist has given you since you were old enough to inevitably stop showing up to mandatory sessions without consequence. 

It’s so habitually intolerable that you have a 'Therapist breakup’ text in your notes draft on your phone. It's simple, clinical, contains something vague about not thinking you were compatible as a client. It’s usually enough to keep them from doing a wellness check (or worse a call to your emergency contact.) 

When you’re done talking, Dr. Sanchez reaches for your hand in some gratuitous act of extending comfort. Her cold fingers and the sensation of her half rubbed in hand cream, makes you want to vomit. It must not show on your face because she keeps talking and squeezing your hand.

“I think that it’s brave of you to come in and I think we can work on some of your goals.” She pauses accessing you before she says the thing that signs the death of your therapeutic relationship.

“Do you also want to work on mending the relationship with your parents?”

You ignore the receptionist when she asks if you want to make a follow up appointment. You’re combing through your drafts to find the breakup text when you think that you’re glad you lied about the category thing. Your control issues are yours, precious and responsible for your ability to focus on anything but the heavy weight of being. So fuck her and her stupid fucking bob.

Her contact gets blocked as soon as the message reads delivered.

When you were anxious the familiarity of nature documentaries, specifically the ones about apex predators, were a comfort. Duckie, your best friend of nine years, had been squeamish the first time she watched one of your favorites with you.

It was about big cats in the wilds. The man with the Aussie accent narrated with excitement that belied the violence of seeing a lioness take down a gazelle. From behind the safety of your throw pillow Duckie asked why you like watching stuff like that. You shrugged like you didn’t have an answer.

You did though.

It’s because predators in the wild didn’t hide what they were. They didn’t need to pretend to be anything but carnivorous and survival driven. Would never think to explain to the gazelle that they were sorry for hurting you, but they couldn’t help themself.

It would be even more insulting than being eaten alive. 

You’re relieved when the lioness finishes the gazelle off, letting out a small sigh of 'finally' that earns you a wide eyed look from Duckie. The death was quick and even if the gazelle didn’t realize it, she was lucky. You’ve been on the end of an explanation for harm and wished you’d have the mercy of death instead.

But you couldn’t tell Duckie that. So instead you tease her about being a big baby.

For a few years now you’ve gotten into the habit of assigning everyone you meet an animal that reminds you of them. It satisfied both of your interests and it was fun. It’s how Duckie got her nickname. She’d crowed over the cuteness and tried to hug you before you threatened to bite her if she touched you.

It didn't matter the amount of time you'd known a person you grouped them. The scrawny teenager at the local Tesco was Giraffe kid, The high pitched woman next door with the ugly dog, Chihuahua.

You’re looking at your girlfriend of 3 months, Foxy, thinking how the name works for her better than Taylor does. 

She’s beautiful even while spitting vitriol as she packs her Telfar bag to the brim with stray items she left behind at your apartment. 

When she flicks her hair over a tanned shoulder you’re distracted, remembering how it felt when you gripped the long strands that morning, holding her still and demanding to be kissed. Instead of the soft look she wore then, she’s openly glaring at you now. You know your face is doing the blank thing she hates because she searches it for something. You suppose she doesn’t find whatever that something is because she’s yelling again.

“You make it so FUCKING hard to love you and I can’t do this anymore.”

You're frozen, caught off guard with the remote to the television still in hand as the nature documentary drones on. The ‘what?’ you blurt out is one of genuine confusion, you'd both been cuddled on the couch talking before whatever this was came to be. You wrack your mind trying to remember what the last thing you said was and come up blank. To your embarrassment, you'd been on autopilot the whole morning, so there is a gap in your memories.

Taylor, upon your continued silence makes a sound that can only be described as a screech.

“You always have an excuse why I can’t meet your parents!” She cries exasperatedly, “If you’re ashamed of me I’d rather you just say that over leading me on for God’s sake!”

Your body flinches only slightly when she throws her hands up. You’re still defensive when you bite out a sharp rebuttal that makes her frown and drop your spare key on the coffee table. You don't admit to yourself that you can't remember exactly what you say over the cotton in your ears and the dark corners that sink into your neck at the first display of conflict.

It still stings when she leaves though. You spend the next day crying under your blankets, the pillow she slept on still smells like her perfume. The scent clean and floral, one you'd gotten used to seeking out when you did the laundry.

Fuck, you really did like Foxy. But you suppose you’re going to have to call her Taylor now that she's your ex-girlfriend.  

Duckie laughs at Taylor’s comment when you tell her over brunch. Your effervescent friend’s giggle tumbles out of her uncontrollably, whilst her mimosa in hand, threatens to spill in her lap. She slaps a hand over her mouth when a loud snort escapes against her will. She shoots an apologetic smile to the couple at the table adjacent to yours when they ask her to keep it down. 

You glare until they turn back to their lunch.

Duckie straightens when she takes in your stiff form, having finally realized she’d stepped on a landmine and right into your ire.

“Darling, you certainly don't make it easy to be close to you, you're a bit…” 

She pauses in thought, shifting her glasses on her nose and placing the glass flute down on the table. Today her spectacles are fire engine red with rhinestones on the brim. You’d asked her if she was nearsighted or farsighted once and she’d told you the lenses weren’t prescription. She only wore them to seem a bit older and worldlier when out and about.

 You don't like how long it takes for her to search for an adjective and say so when she still doesn’t finish her sentence after several moments. 

“I just mean that you're purposely closed off,” She makes a panic flapping movement with her hands when your eyes narrow even more “Oh come on! You like it that way!”

“Duckie, what are you talking about?” You grit between your teeth. 

You're pushing your half eaten club sandwich out of the way to lean across the table, waiting to hear her explanation. You’d lost your appetite.

Duckie shirks from your unblinking leer and sniffs indignantly. 

“It took me nearly a year to get you to call me your friend and I swear I still feel like I don’t know you.” she gives you a pointed look, “If it weren't for the fact that you’re like that to everyone, I’d think you hated me sometimes, so I really do have to empathize with Taylor in this one.” 

She’s waiting for you to say something, you can tell by the way she brings her shoulders up to her ears as if gearing for some great big reaction.

But, that wasn’t your style, never had been. So you still don’t know what’s expected of you. To negate her statement? 

You suppose you could tell her that's absurd, she was your best friend in every way. Had been since the day she’d laughed at one of your more tasteless jokes during an intro to Psychology class in undergrad. You were softer for Duckie, more than you were- well really anyone. 

Your own mother only knew enough about you to identify you on a morgue table if it ever came down to it. But you don’t tell her that.

Instead you do what you do best. You leave.

You’re pushing up from the table gathering your purse and throwing back the last of your mimosa like a tequila shot, before you can think twice about it.

Duckie tries to reach out to you but you flinch from her touch. 

“Wait Darling, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, please don't go!”

“I’m just going to the ladies.” you mumble flatly over your shoulder. At least that's what you hope comes out because your throat is closing up with the effort to hold back the stupid tears in your eyes. 

You slam into the restroom startling the barista applying lipstick in the mirror. Her owlish eyes take one look at your dark expression and she pops the top back on her lipstick, skirting past you. You check to make sure the bathroom was truly empty before locking yourself in the biggest stall.

As soon as the lock clicks the dam breaks and it makes you so angry it hurts. The level of intensity of your crying is absolutely repulsive. Your jaw aches with the efforts to muffle the sobs that thrum through your body like a struck chord.

You’re pacing the small enclosure with tears running down your face, feeling like the lioness in the nature documentary after it’d been captured. You feel the gut punch of self loathing as soon as the thought comes up. It's insulting to compare yourself to the deadly beast when you’re trying not to get snot on your dress sleeves. 

Duckie comes to the restroom after a while tapping on the stall door, begging you to open up.

You feel only half guilty when you tell her to fuck off. She’s quiet for a while and you know she stands with only the thin door between you, you can see her colorful converses from beneath the gap in the door. 

You want to let her in. Figuratively. Literally. 

What a relief it would be to just let her crawl into the hole you’ve made at rock bottom and let her be there with you. 

You want to laugh imagining her taking the time to do that rocking thing she does when she's trying to get comfortable in the decorative chair in your office. You always remind her it was meant for aesthetics, not comfort when she huffs out the same grouchy complaint about the hardness. She scoffs in mock offense anyways. 

“Really Darling, you make enough money to get rid of this thing. Ooh let me send you the link to the bean bag I saw on Wayfair, one sec!”

You’re still crying when you consider that she's really the only person who makes the effort to visit you at the office.

Or anywhere really. 

You'd gotten accustomed to only hearing from your family when there was a crisis or need for quick cash to keep them afloat. 

If you weren’t stuffing tissues into your running nose you’d scoff at the thought of your parents caring, much less visiting. They were still content to be fuck ups well into their retirement age. You’d long stopped bothering to call to make sure they were still alive after the first year of college. 

Maybe if you told Taylor that she would have stayed.

The emotional despair rot you call ‘The Chasm’ deepens and you question if you’d ever really gotten used to the loneliness of having no parent to turn to. The years of casual disdain and dismissal. The resentment for being half a child and reluctant third parent to children that weren’t yours. Their desire for all of you and none of you and back again in an endless loop. 

Ceaseless demands of a gluttonous beast you could never please, even when you’ve flayed yourself bare. 

It stings, the reminder that you’d been living on scraps and toughness disguised as love long before you met Duckie. Long before Foxy- Taylor- or even the parade of friends and disappointed exes, who’d simply had enough of whatever caustic matter made you, you. 

Yet, Duckie is the only one who keeps coming back. Time again she comes back to your side with a smile, like she likes to be with you. Like watching nature shows with you on the couch, eating whatever snacks she brings because she knows you forget to eat, acting like it’s the highlight of her day. Never an inconvenience to care for you the way others had said it was. It makes you cry harder until you can’t breathe because you’re trying not to let her hear you.

Duckie in all her color and too big glasses, has always acted as if she can see that weak part of you peeking out from behind the thorns and quick rebuttals bordering on mean. She still stands waiting for you even now, even when you told her to fuck off in public restroom at your favorite brunch cafe. 

It’s staring at the graffiti-ed dick on the stall door when you think you can honestly say you love her and it hurts your feelings that she doesn't know that. 

You think you can be honest and tell her that it’s not about Foxy or even Duckie’s laugh at your expense. It’s about the revolving door of disappointment that still keeps you up at night. That landed you under the microscope on a a faceless therapist's couch for emergency sessions and the mementos of non-slip socks in your dresser drawers.

The half guilt turns into full fledged self loathing just thinking about how you really needed to get a cushion for your office and let her in. After a beat you think you’re in control of your crying enough to reach for the lock inside the stall. Of course, as always the universe is having a laugh at your expense. 

“Darling, I'm going to go back to the table now okay?” 

You know she's making that nervous face scrunch she does when she’s anxious, waiting for you to reply. You can’t, you’re frozen in place as always. 

“Don't want them to think we skipped the tab, so just come back when you feel a bit better, yeah?”  

She says something about her getting the bill and you can talk when you come back. You don’t hear her really because ‘The Chasm’ calls to you first. You keep it together long enough until the scuffling sounds of her shoes quiet before allowing the tide to take you under again. 

Eventually, when you’ve stuffed the feelings back into the pit, you’re able to leave the stall. You never go back to the table. Texting Duckie a simple ‘sorry’ along with a money transfer for your portion of brunch. You leave the restaurant for the safety of your home, wondering if this will be enough for her to leave you too. 

You half hope it is because it was exhausting loving someone else.

An hour later there's a timid knock on your apartment door. It’s opening to peer down at a shuffling Duckie on your steps, with flowers and the expensive bottle of wine you like, that you know that it’s not. Enough to keep her from coming back that is. 

She follows you inside like a chick behind its mother and toes off her sneakers in the hall next to your rows of shoes. She takes your general wave her way as a sign of ‘go ahead’ when she asks if she can put the flowers in water. 

You’re sitting on the couch with your knees to your chest, staring listlessly at the nature channel. You know Duckie is taking in your bare face and faux casualness. You know you look pathetic in your too big hoodie and headscarf. You at least hope you've gotten enough of your makeup off to not look like a drowned raccoon.

'Pathetic', The Chasm says.

Duckie carefully tiptoes over your outstretched legs to scrunch herself small on the other end of the couch. After a few episodes of the documentary, this one about penguins, she slowly makes her way to your side and cautiously gives you a half hug and a tearful apology.

“I’m sorry for being a bitch, I shouldn’t have laughed.” She doesn’t turn from the t.v's glow. You’re secretly thankful she doesn’t look at you because you’re embarrassed for crying again. 

With gentle prodding she asks you to tell her how you really feel about Taylor leaving. You tell her. You also tell her about your parents and why it was such a big deal introducing Taylor to them. It’s more than you’ve admitted to any therapist and she has the foresight to not make it a thing.

Duckie just hums quietly, listening. As she sleeps on your shoulder, drool wetting your sleeve, you think you can carve her a spot beside you in rock bottom. Maybe another inside the space where your heart should be, just big enough for one. It’ll just be you and Duckie for as long as she wants it that way. You’re satisfied with the thought, drinking the last of the wine.

As always nothing you ever want matters for very long.

Because Soap doesn’t give you a choice when he barrages into your life and demands you make additional space for him and his stray dog.

Masterlist | Next >>

[apathetic-revenant]

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

[ben-learns-smth]

goals, aspirations and hopes for 2024

academic achievements I'm working towards:

finish writing my thesis & hand it in (finally) DONE!

graduate from my teaching degree (finally)

apply for deaf studies b.a. (postponed)

apply for teacher training ? DONE!

attend workshops about queerness in schools & other interesting topics

what I want to do and learn in my personal life:

improve my german sign language (DGS) skills by attending more deaf&hearing events (weekly sign bar!)

pick up my norwegian again

stand up for myself and set boundaries with family even if it's hard

learn to accept help and work through the guilt of depending on others (life long learning but recovery was a bootcamp)

learn 1 new skill (how to whistle Really Loudly!)

read 60 books (23/60!)

start volunteer work (maybe at an animal shelter or queer youth group?)

start singing lessons

start speech therapy/voice training with a therapist specialised in trans* voices

run 5k

go to the gym twice a week (I made a friend at the gym & we're gym buddies now!)

things I hope will happen / am looking forward to:

So Many Concerts (3/5)

ya boi is getting top surgery (already done!!)

visits from friends! <3 (the joy <3)

making new friends at language classes or joining a sports group maybe (gym friend counts for this!)

going on holidays with my parents in the spring

2 short trips in summer (one to meet a friend irl for the first time, one for an erasmus friends reunion)

working my way through my post-top-surgery bucket list (4/15)

adopting one or two cats (it's time to become a cat parent)

measurable goals/achievements:

hand in thesis & graduate by end of march (graduated!!)

DGS lvl 5 class (spring), DGS lvl 6 (summer)

Norwegian A1.1 class (spring), maybe A1.2 (summer) (postponed)

whistle at a concert in august (my voice is too whacky from being on t to do the wohoo)

read 60 books

try a new café each month (on track!)

cook a new recipe twice a month (2/24)

[rachiebeee]

some Leo headcanons I have

Leo doesn't know what day his birthday is. He knows its in July, but he hasn't done anything on it since he was 8 and he used to act like it was/wasn't on certain days based on how well they went (he thinks its the 7th, but he hates the number 7 so he ignores it).

Leo has stolen and crashed a police car. He will do it again.

Leo's mother and Aunt Rosa both had dreams from Gaea that told them Leo was going to kill Esperanza, but Esperanza took it as an "he'll do it on accident bc he doesn't know how to control his powers" and Rosa took it as "It's a sign from God and this child was sent by the devil".

He's asexual biromantic, but in love with the idea of being in love.

He learns a form of script-based magic - the same thing that is etched on each stone used for the Hecate cabin. Jo is his teacher, but when he visits camp all of the Hecate cabin are happy to help him too. He views it as a code instead of magic, and only ever uses it in the things he builds because he forgets it can be useful on its own.

He's a Fall out Boy stan. Loves all types of rock too, but FOB was his gateway into it.

Every time he went to a new school if they had a music program he could join for free he would. Originally he'd just choose a new instrument every school, but on his third try he learnt drums and decided to stick with it.

HIs eyes look like yooperlite while it's glowing, but more like burning coals while he's using his powers.

On that note, Leo's body temperature can be way hotter than the normal person's. On a normal day where he's fine in everyway, he's hot but not hot enough for people to think he's feverish. When he's excited his temperature rapidly increases, as it does with stress. When he forgoes sleeping his body forgets to regulate his temperature, which leads to him either going very cold or very hot.

He can't really get fevers at all really. It's also very hard for a lot of illnesses to effect him because half the time he burns it up before he even knows its there. When he does get sick it's really bad though, because his immune system is actually pretty weak.

Related to that, he is the only known person who can currently be a theoretical host to a thermophile virus. Not that he would, but it is a thought that has crossed his mind.

He has a hobby of making little robots. He makes Piper a bronze eagle one as a present and he slowly starts to make them for his friends

Annabeth gets a cat because he thinks she has cat vibes and an owl would be basic. Percy gets an otter because Leo did not want to think about making a robot fish that works well out of water. Frank gets a chameleon as a joke, but he makes it so it can turn into a small dragon too. Hazel gets a snake, again for the vibes. Nico gets a lizard. Just like, a nondescript lizard. He makes Reyna a bronze dog to "complete the metal set", but it's based of a Molossus of Epirus instead of a hound. Jo and Emmie get matching gryphons, and Georgina's little robot is a llama. Leo makes himself a wolf in honour of Jason.

On the topic of making things, Leo also gets really into all forms of metalsmithing. Which includes making jewellery, which leads to him getting a lot of piercings. Piper does too, because they went to go get the piercings together. He loves giving people little friendship bracelets, and charms, and ornaments. He makes people themed cutlery sets.

His love language is gift giving, if it's not obvious.

He stays in contact with Apollo, but in order to not upset Zeus they frame it as 'music lessons'. As the inventor of the Valdezinator (and its best player), it's a pretty good excused. Leo does make new instruments occasionally when they feel like they're pushing the 'lesson' excuse.

They fr just gossip during them though, and then give each other a scuffed form of therapy. They go from talks about petty drama to unanswerable philosophical discussions to jokes that make no sense.

[howdoesagrapewrites]

what wld lovesick pav and gaya be like w a s/o who tries to be like, healthy in their relationship? like they're not the "i wanna get away bc this is unhealthy" type, but the "i will actively tie you both down and make you communicate your feelings and wants in a healthy way until we can all reach a mutual agreement" way

like the two reach the stage where they don't want their love to leave the house at all- but they kinda quickly shut that down and are like "nuh uh. i have a life, so either we talk it out and find something that works for me and you two or i stay out five minutes past the curfew you set just to make you squirm"

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙩

Cw: poly!reader x lovesick! Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, explicit talk about mental health

Notes: all I can think about is the reader spraying then with a water bottle like a poorly behaved cat

>You went out of the apartment to get the grocery shopping done, your partners had been behaving oddly, they were always very affectionate and loved being around you, but lately you feel like they have been neglecting their personal life in order to be together

>You left the house when they were taking a nap, you didn't feel like you were sneaking out, just that you were doing chores while they slept

>You think about this as you examine the red apples deciding if you should buy them or not

>Your phone vibrates and you answer to a preoccupied Pavitr, you apologize for not telling them, but you didn't want to disturb them, when you're about to hang up, he hits you with "just wait, we're on our way"

>You're a little confused and annoyed by having to wait for them at the market without being able to continue the list of home necessities, but you tried to be understanding, and thought that maybe when you got home, you could start a conversation about what you've been thinking the whole afternoon

>When they arrived, the outing went smoothly, and happily, like you're used to

>After you finished organizing everything on the shelves and pantry, you started the conversation in a pretty straight forward manner, you didn't want to dance around the subject and talk about issues like they're anything aside a from a completely normal part of every relationship

>You said you wanted to talk, and they were visibly nervous, however, complied

>"So I've been noticing that you don't want to leave the house, and that you get really upset when I do leave, and it concerns me, I won't force you, but I'm your partner too, I'm here for both of you."

>I think these two would be one of the easiest characters to pull into therapy and get them to work through their issues, something that's surprising considering they would never accept this if you were dating individually

>The challenge here is definitely Pavitr, because like I've said a million times already, he's extremely delusional

>So it'll be hard to even make him realize there's an issue with his obsession, also you'll need to reassure him that you're not rejecting his feelings, but rather just want to work through a more positive and healthy way of expressing and processing those feelings

>"But I love you, why don't you love me too?"

>"Of course I do, Pav, but love isn't supposed to hurt"

>Gayatri has a more clear vision of where these issues stem from and will be more cooperative with communication with time

>At first she's closed to the idea, but when she sees how much you care and that you genuinely want to help her, she lets her guard down

>If you respond positively and don't show signs of fear or disgust when she tells you about her feelings, you get to hear, the most gruesome parts, but far from scared, you're proud she feels safe to verbalize and recognize toxic behavior

>I think Pavitr would use mindfulness as a coping strategy for the yandere tendencies, and Gayatri would turn to writing

>Some of Gayatri's pieces are morbid, sure, but it's better than having her do it, you praise the effort

>Sometimes they still relapse and snap at you or get too possessive, but you're having none of it

>You set clear boundaries and as hard as that is, they understand that they'll lose your trust and love if they are unwilling to be better

>I think there's a solid 8/10 chance of fixing them

[obey-me-disaster]

Could you maybe write some headcanons for how the demon brothers would feel about an MC who has a service dog for anxiety?

If you don't feel like writing it or it's too difficult that's completely okay too don't worry.

(I'm a service dog user myself so I just thought it would be nice.)

I hope you'll like these headcanons and that I got everything right! If there is anything I need to correct let me know.

Also sorry for taking so long, I needed to be finished with a fic for a collab first!

Demon brothers x gn!MC

Warning: Belphegor's part has spoilers for lesson 16!

MC with a service dog for anxiety

Lucifer

Since he is one of the people in charge of the exchange program he made sure to also prepare everything for your dog. Anything from food to all the way to paperwork so you two can go anywhere without being disturbed.

He is a dog person so he got a soft spot for your emotional support dog. The dog is probably more spoiled than you, at least until he starts to actually like you.

Since you are in need of your dog he won't bother it. He knows the dog has its job to do.

Is honestly relieved that you got someone other than his brothers to rely on, especially that being dragged to a different dimeons is not good for your mental health.

Mammon

So not only does he need to take care of a human, but he needs to take care of their dog too now??

Before actually realizing that your dog is more than a simple pet he wanted to include it in one of his money making schemes. After you and Lucifer tell him off he actually gets it and backs off

He does a 180° with his attitude and is really glad that there is someone to be near you when he can't be there to protect you. Lowkey he and the dog have some kind of nonverbal agreement on how to help you with your anxiety.

Tries to spoil the dog and buy luxury items for it. You'll have to let him know what could distract your service dog or not. He honestly gets everything really fast.

Leviathan

Jealous that he can't take Henry with him the way you can do with your service dog...and looking at him he might need some service/therapy/emotional support animal outside of his fish.

He knows how bad anxiety can be, so he is both greatfull that you got some support and a bit jealous because of it too.

He is really chill with the dog, he even made a small spot where it can relax when you stay in his room.

He once saw Henry trying to get your service dog's attention and took it as a sign that both of your guy's friendship/relationship is made to last for a long time.

Tries to find animes where the protagonist has a service dog for anxiety so you could relate to more chatacters

Satan

He has only read about service/therapy/emotional supports animals so he was really curious of seeing one in real life.

Be prepared to be asked a ton of questions about your dog's training, routine, how it helps you manage your anxiety. He sees it as a way to both get to know you better and to learn something new.

Might use the way your service dog helps to convince Lucifer to let him get an emotional support cat for his anger. Lucifer, of course, denies his request.

Just because he is a cat person it doesn't mean he doesn't love other animals as well. He knew that service dogs go through some training to be able to adapt to different situation, but being dragged to hell might go out of what any service animal is prepared for. He will go out of his way to give him a bit of training and some protection spells.

Asmodeus

He adores dogs. He had to be told that service animals are not the same thing as pets, so he can't go around playing and dressing up the poor dog.

He will pout about it for a bit before getting over it but that just means he can focus in spoiling you even more.

Lowkey educates the Devildom by accident about service animals due to how many Devilgram posts he makes about you and your dog.

A/N: ok but there is one event where Solomon talked with a fish and apparently the god damn fish had better working conditions than humans...so yeah, I guess animals are really treated with respect down there.

He will make sure that your service dog always look at its best. His resoning? Seeing him be so cute and soft will help you with your anxiety. He does make sure to not really separate it from you.

Beelzebub

He was watched very closely at the begging by his brothers, so he wouldn't try to eat you or your dog. It didn't take long for things to settle and for him to start liking your service dog. Especially that he likes dogs.

He might or might not have tried some of your service dog's food...he felt really sorry and went to buy any and all snacks he could find. MC would probably have to remind him what their dog can and can't eat.

He sees the dog as part of the family and takes it upon himself to make sure that both you and your service dog are safe and sound.

If, by some chance, you have to be away from their service dog Beel will be the first one to volunteer to take care of him.

Belphegor

How the fuck did both you and your service dog sneak into the attic, more times than once?? The poor animal is acting uneasy the first time it sees Belphie.

Imagine if you decide to sneak into the attic alone for your visits and leave your service dog behind. Those would be the times when the dog is on high alert.

OK BUT imagine lesson 16. One moment the dog is with you and the other the dog is trying to understand how you suddenly got hurt and die...

If after the incident your anxiety gets worse, your service dog would put himself between you and Belphegor to try and distract you/put you at ease.

Outside of all the angst, Belphie is pretty chill with the dog. If he wants to cuddle with you he will even welcome your service dog in the cuddle pile. He is honestly relieved that you got some support system, especially after the whole lesson 16 affair..

Also a dog person, so he will be very fond of your service dog.

[lastoneout]

Hey uh @ people with ME/CFS I got a question...

Everything I've read and heard about kinda seems to go hard on the idea that over-exerting yourself tends to lead to exhaustion that just never gets better at all no matter how long you rest after, and like I always assumed I didn't have it, because yeah overexerting myself tends to make me way more exhausted than is does other people and the exhaustion lasts like, a week or more sometimes, but it does eventually get better.

Like last weekend I went shopping for my birthday and also to an art gallery, and then I did a few small errands, and I conserved my energy as best I could, resting often, using mobility aids, ect, but I had to spend Mon-Fri in bed doing basically nothing aside from watching youtube, listening to music, and playing tetris because that was all I had the physical and mental energy to do. And granted that was dragged out a little because I had to go to the ER on Wednesday due to a migraine that got triggered by all this(bcs overexerting myself almost always triggers a migraine) and on Tuesday I sat in the car while we took my cat to the vet for a quick nail trim, but aside from that I just rested and even though I am feeling a bit better today I'm still just SO fucking tired and I know I'm going to have to take it easy for a few days more just to be sure I'm okay.

Which like, idk doesn't sound normal, that's for fucking sure, but I do know that with enough rest eventually I will return to my normal, which isn't everyone else's normal but is still normal enough that I can make myself easy meals and sit at my desk and talk to people and make phone calls and run errands without it killing me too badly.

But like idk my doctors seem convinced that I don't have any kind of autoimmune condition(although they haven't actually ran any tests they just keep insisting I'm not showing the signs of one and to keep up with physical therapy even when I tell them that just going clothes shopping for a few hours puts me on bedrest for the next 2-3 days) but idk again this does NOT seem normal. I legit feel SICK sometimes when I push myself too hard, like I think I'm coming down with a cold or something but it never actually turns into one, I just have that "eugh" sick feeling for a day or two and then it goes away once I've rested enough(also for clarification I never get any real cold/illness symptoms like a temperature and I mask literally everywhere and this ONLY happens after exertion so I don't think I'm actually getting sick). I also don't usually feel rested when I sleep but I always chalked that up to the insomnia more than anything?? But it does happen even when I have a good night's sleep with no tossing and turning or nightmares...

Anyway if anyone who does have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome could maybe explain to me what it's like for them I would appreciate it because idk what else could possibly be going on with me but I am so fucking tired of my doctors acting like there is nothing wrong. It might not be ME/CFS, and I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so maybe this is all just that? So I also wouldn't mind if someone who has fibro can tell me if this is all just fibro stuff. But idk I just want to know for sure, you know? (If it helps in addition to the fibro I also have arthritis, hEDS, orthostatic Intollerance, and occipital neuralgia.)

[captain-mj]

some ghostsoap cnc with selkie ghost maybe? I'm curious how I'd all work with his coat :)

I love your fics btw thank you sm for posting them!

I've been saving this ask for a rainy day so I wrote most of this the day of ao3 shut down and the other half when my cat died so this just felt right. Also CNC is used as therapy in this because I was possessed while writing it and have no control over it

Ghost didn't feel too nervous handing the coat to Soap. That was a huge sign of the trust he had in Soap. Well. He had also maybe told Price to check in the morning if Soap gave it back, but that's so besides the point.

They had talked everything through thoroughly. It was safe. Ghost just had to remember that as Soap put on his coat and he felt his freewill slowly drip out of him.

"Remember. I push too hard. You get uncomfortable. Simple safe word stops everything."

"Yes, sir." Ghost responded immediately.

Soap swallowed. "Repeat the safe word for me?"

"Gunpowder."

"There you go. Are you sure about this?" Soap asked tentatively.

Ghost had suggested this after researching therapy techniques. Reliving the trauma in a healthy way. Soap mostly had the coat so Ghost wouldn't flip out and fight him. There were still clear boundaries and safe words. Either could step out at any time.

"I'm sure."

Soap nodded and gently bound Ghost's wrists behind his back. They were starting simple. Recreating when the lady....

The lady...

Soap's hand on his cheek brought him back to reality. "Simon."

"Keep going."

Soap nodded and pulled off his mask. He reached down and cut off Ghost's shirt.

"Don't touch me." Ghost snarled at him.

Soap ignored him. Instead running his hands over Ghost's body, squeezing his pecs and scratching down his chest. "Firm. You feel good."

Ghost growled louder at him and tried to get away, but Soap's hands were insistent. It felt good. It was Soap so of course it did. Soap would never hurt him.

His dick was certainly showing interest.

"Please..."

Soap leaned down and kissed him, biting at Ghost's throat. "Just relax and enjoy this."

Ghost's body immediately went lax and pleasure clouded his brain. He felt his pants get unzipped and he struggled more.

"No. No no no."

Soap stroked him slowly, getting a feel for it. "Jesus. You're so big. Not sure how I'll fit it."

Ghost pleaded with him to stop, even as he got hard. He found himself enjoying this a lot more than he thought he would but he wanted to play his part. Soap dripped lube on him slowly. The cold making goosebumps over his flesh. He shivered and tried to tense to brace himself, but the order to relax kept him from doing so.

His warm hand started to stroke him, spreading the cold lube around. "Going to ride you. A reward for all your hard work."

It wasn't expected, but it added a little to the realism. Ghost felt himself falling in a weird space between what actually happened and what's happening now at Soap's hand. He rubbed his thumb over Ghost's slit and made him groan.

Panic and pleasure started to curl up in his stomach. Soap wouldn't stop moving his hand and Ghost groaned.

"Stop. I can't."

Soap huffed. "No. Want to enjoy this." His body was on display. It made Ghost so goddamn horny it was hard to think. He felt so flustered and it felt so good.

Soap continued for a good long time before deciding he had enough. Then he threw his legs over his lap and sat up. He started to slide down on him, head falling back. For a moment, Ghost worried that Soap would hurt himself before realizing he must've stretched himself before hand. He felt so warm.

"No. I can't take it." Instinctively, he tried to escape his binds but he couldn't. His arms strained as he tried to break them and free himself.

"Yeah, you can." Soap started to ride him immediately, clearly enjoying himself. He kept his eyes on him just in case.

Simon panted softly and closed his eyes. He was panicking so much he almost couldn't enjoy it. He didn't want to safe word yet, wanting to keep pushing. Johnny wouldn't hurt him. Never would.

Soap leaned into his ear. "Just feel the pleasure alright? I want you to only feel good."

The order was accidental, but there. All of the synapses in Ghost's brain shifted, sending sparks of just pure pleasure through him. The small aches that never left his body and the soreness in his scars disappeared. All he felt was the warmth and his now impending orgasm.

Warmth and pressure. All around him. Soap's warm skin against his chest. Mouth on his and on his neck. His entire body sang as the pressure mounted and then he came, stars filling his vision.

Soap kissed him softly and moaned into his mouth, riding him through it. Overstimulation hit but it felt so goddamn good. Tears started streaming down his face as his ears rang. His refractory period must've been ruined by the order because he's fairly certain he came again.

His body could only feel the pleasure and without the pain to cut it, everything felt dizzying. It coursed through him and his brain felt like it was melting.

He must've blacked out for just a second because the next thing he knew, Soap was frantically trying to get his attention.

"Simon. Simon." He was shaking him slightly, looking scared. Ghost's coat was back around him so that's why the order ended.

"Johnny." His voice sounded wrecked and dopey even to his own ears. "Johnny."

"You okay? Jesus, I knew this wasn't a good idea I am so so-"

Simon kissed him softly, holding him close. "Perfect."

"What?"

"Perfect."

"You blacked out."

Simon shrugged and grinned, eyes focusing a bit more. "Cuddle me."

Johnny looked surprised but he did cuddle him. "You never really ask for this."

Simon shrugged and snuggled him, loose and vulnerable. "Yeah. Usually because I think of her. But right now...

I only think of you."

[outermaybanks]

Out of the Woods - ch 11

a/n: FINALLY! WE'RE FINALLY HERE! warnings for smut 18+

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I ran all over the Cut, checking every place JJ hangs out, no sign of him, no one has seen him. I was on my way to check the last place before JJ’s house, the Chateau, when Kie and Pope pulled up in the truck, and begged me to get in. I agreed if they took me to the Chateau to look for JJ.

When we parked, I immediately got out of the car, and went through the front of the house to look through it, but there was nothing, nothing until I saw lights turn on in the backyard. I slowly made my way towards the back door, and went out, Pope and Kie were standing in the way, but when they heard the mud room door close, they moved to show me what they were seeing: JJ in a hot tub.

“Y’all should get in immediately, you hear me? Junie! There you are!” JJ said. “How much did this cost?” Pope asked as I walked to stand beside them. “Uhhh… well, with the generator, the petrol, and oh, hey, express delivery… pretty much all of it.” “All of it? You spent all the money in one day?” “Yep, burned a hole right through my pocket, but I mean, like, c’mon guys, like look at this! Finest in jet-based massage therapy, that’s what they told me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched him, JJ was a lot of things, including impulsive, but he wasn’t stupid.  “What Junie? Can’t a man have a little luxury in life? Come on, all this scrimpin’ and scrapin’... I mean, like, you only live once, right? Can’t get the right parents, can’t get the girl, but I can get this.” JJ was about to cry, I could hear it in his voice. “Enough of this emotional shit, get in the Cat’s Ass.” “In the what?” Kie asked. “Cat’s Ass, that’s what I named her. Oh hey- I almost forgot,” JJ pressed a button that made water shoot. “Disco mode! That’s right baby.” “Are you kidding me? You could have paid for restitution!” Pope scolded. “Or literally given it to any charity!” Kie added. “Guys stop-” I tried, but my voice was weak, I was still trying to figure out what could have happened to make JJ snap like this. “Better yet, you could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!” Pope continued.

“Okay, well, you know what?” JJ stood up, and that’s when we saw it, the huge bruises that littered his body. “I didn’t do that! I got a hot tub! For my friends, I got a hot tub for my friends- no screw friends, I got a hot tub for my family!” “JJ-” I managed to get his name out, but nothing else. “No, stop being emotional, it’s fine, okay? It’s sweet-” I couldn’t take it anymore, I quickly climbed in, clothes and all and pulled him into a hug. He immediately burst into tears, holding onto me for dear life.

“I just couldn’t do it. I can’t take him anymore! I was gonna kill him, but-” JJ sobbed into my shoulder and my grip on him tightened. Kie and Pope quickly got in and hugged him tightly, we all just held him while he cried. “I just wanna do the right thing…” JJ sobbed, and my hand came up to pet his hair, trying to soothe him. 

Once he calmed down a bit, stopped crying and took a deep breath, Kie and Pope gave him some room. “I’m gonna get an ice pack…” I said quietly.

“Ice pack’s gonna melt in the hot tub.” JJ said with a drunken chuckle. I slowly climbed out, taking off my shirt and shorts, leaving me in my bikini before I ran inside.

I quickly went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of peas, John B wouldn’t miss them. When I closed the freeze, I let out a gasp in surprise as Kie was standing right there. “What did JJ mean by that? That he can’t get the girl?” Kie asked, taking the bag of peas from me and putting them on the counter.

“Uh… well. While you and Sarah were on the boat, I kinda… told JJ the truth,” I explained, looking down to avoid what I knew was coming.

“Holy shit, you told him? For real?” “Yeah,” I chuckled, “I told him… and that night… he kissed me.” Kie’s jaw dropped. “But I told him we couldn’t…”

Kie’s face of happy shock quickly turned into one of anger. “What do you mean you told him you couldn’t? Junie you’ve been in love with him for as long as I’ve known you! You’re telling me he told you he felt the same way and you rejected him?”

“I can’t lose him, Kie, I can’t. Teenagers break up everyday, but not Pogues, Pogues are for life. I’d rather have JJ in my life forever than lose him over a dumb brea-” “Over love?” Kie corrected.

I sighed. “Do you really think I was wrong? Do you really think we could stay friends if something happened?” Kie took a deep breath. “I think… the fact that you wouldn’t accept something you’ve wanted for so long just because you were scared of losing him, proves that there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to keep him in your life.”

I bit my lip as I thought about her words… she was right. I didn’t need to be scared of discovering something that could make me and JJ be apart, because I was already willing to suffer to keep him. I quickly ran past her to get outside.

“Hey, what happened to the icepack?” Pope asked as I walked back towards the hot tub. I ignored him, too focused on not chickening out. I climbed into the hot tub and put myself in front of where JJ sat, before cupping his cheeks and pressing my lips to his. JJ’s hands immediately found the back of my head, pulling me closer as Pope let out a sound of disgust. 

“I’m sorry. You were right, I was being a pussy ‘cause I was scared to lose you, but Kie just said something and it made me realize how dumb I-” I was cut off by JJ kissing me again, harder this time. My hands slid down to rest on his neck.

“Called it!” Kie’s voice shouted, making me and JJ pull away again, a small giggle escaping my lips as I turned to look at her, but JJ kept kissing at anything he could reach, my cheek, my jaw…

“Can I have a warning next time, Junie, before you just stick your tongue down JJ’s throat in front of me?” Pope complained.

“I did not stick my tongue down his throat!” I argued, splashing him.

“Yeah, if she had stuck her tongue down my throat, it would’ve looked like this-” JJ said, pulling my face back to his and kissing me once more, this time sliding his tongue into my mouth. 

“You practically asked for that…” I heard Kie say, making me giggle into the kiss, but JJ didn’t mind and just quickly caught my lips again. “For fuck’s sake, get a room,” Pope complained again. JJ pulled away. “That’s not a half bad idea, Pope,” JJ said, making Pope splash him with the water. “At least I warned you!” JJ defended.

I kept my eyes closed for just a moment longer to try and control the blush creeping onto my face. When I opened my eyes, Kie was giving me a proud look. 

Pope quickly changed the subject, and for a while, we all just relaxed, we didn’t think about the gold, or the bruises on JJ’s body, or that me and JJ were… something, or the fact that we’ve been shot at more times this week than in our entire lives- we just relaxed and hung out, like before any of this happened. 

With John B living with Sarah, there was an empty bed, one that Kie claimed for the night, and with JJ hurt, he needed a real bed, so he got the spare bed, and I was his plus one. When we were all saying goodnight, I grabbed the bag of peas, which Kie had returned to the freezer, and brought them into the spare room, where JJ was sitting on the bed, already changed into pajama pants. 

“Here.” I said handing him the bag, he let out a soft wince as he laid it on one of the bruises on his abdomen. 

“So uh… just so we're on the same page... what did that little show back there mean? Does-Does it mean you’re my girl now?” JJ asked. I sat on the other side of the bed, turning my body to face him. “Do you want it to mean that?”

“Do you?” JJ countered. I bit my lip. One of us was going to have to be brave, and since I rejected him last time, I felt it was my turn. “Yeah… I do.”

JJ smiled, but then it fell. “It’s not because… it’s not because my dad beat my ass right?” he asked with a chuckle, but I knew he was serious.

“What? No- When I went inside, Kie followed me, and asked what happened between us, so I told her about the other night.”

“Yeah? What’d she have to say about it?” I chuckled, “She basically called me an idiot. She said something like the fact that I was denying myself something I wanted just to avoid losing you, was proof that I wouldn’t let anything come between us. And she was right. So I stopped being an idiot.”

“Thank God,” JJ said before leaning over to press a quick kiss to my lips, but he let his hand linger on my jaw, and leaned forward to put his forehead against mine. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

“Still doesn’t feel real to me…” I whispered. “I can make it feel more real,” JJ replied, and I raised my eyebrows at him. “Oh yeah?” I teased him. “Yeah, want me to show you?” I bit my lip, “Mmm… Maybe.” “Maybe?” JJ asked, cleaning closer. “I can work with a maybe.”

JJ smiled before leaning down to kiss me. This time, we had no interruptions, so JJ took it further, pulling me into his lap, his hand sliding up my waist gently, sliding under the string of my bikini. That made me freeze, and JJ sensed it.

“I’m sorry- I should’ve asked-” “JJ?” “Yeah?” “Shut up for a minute.” “Yes ma’am.”

I took a deep breath while thinking over my options, before reaching behind my back and untying my bikini string, letting it fall down my arms, leaving me with no coverings on top. I could hear JJ inhale sharply as he took in the sight. 

“C’mere…” He whispered, and I listened, cupping his cheeks before kissing him again, this time his hands came up to paw at my breasts. “You’re so… beautiful,” JJ said between kisses. I ran a hand through his hair, earning a small groan from him. I could feel him getting hard between the layers of clothes separating us, and something that usually terrified me instead excited me.

I felt his fingers gently squeeze my nipple and I let out a moan that was muffled by his mouth, but then he pulled away, leaving me craving more. 

“If you want to stop, I need you to tell me right now…” JJ breathed out. “I want this, I want you,” I whispered before crashing my lips against his. I let out a gasp as JJ flipped us, my back now against the mattress. “Say that again…” JJ whispered against my lips. “I want you, Jesse.” 

JJ kissed my jaw, then down to my neck. I could feel the hand that held my breast move down my stomach to my hip, before sliding under my bikini bottoms, his finger slid between my folds just as he started kissing and sucking on my sweet spot, making me let out a pathetic gasp.

“Sound so pretty, Junie…” JJ mumbled against my skin. “Hey… JJ?” I said, and immediately he stopped. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

“No, God, no, I just…” I let out an awkward chuckle. “Okay, you win… I am a virgin,” I joked, trying to make it less embarrassing to admit. JJ's worried expression softened into a smile, and I could feel his fingers resume their movement.

“I know… I’ll go slow, baby.” He reassured me and I suddenly understood why girls flocked to him despite his reputation, JJ Maybanks wasn’t just hot, he was sexy. 

His mouth quickly returned to my neck, but this time he quickly started migrating south, his lip kissing and sucking down my chest, focusing for a moment on my nipple, before resuming his journey down my stomach. Then I felt his lips at the hem of my bikini bottoms before I felt his fingers hook under the string, pulling them down.

“Fuuuucckkk- you got a pretty pussy, Junie.” JJ whispered, I started to sit up to try and look at him, but before I could open my mouth, his was attached to my core. I let out another gasp, but my fingers quickly buried into his hair as my breathing got heavier. Fuck he was good at this. He lifted one of my legs to be on his shoulder, and looked up to me, but between his eyes watching me with such a lustful look and the work his lips were doing to my clit, my head fell back and my eyes shut as a moan fell from my lips.

“Shh, baby, unless you want everyone to hear you,” JJ reminded me before placing a kiss to my clit, and gave me a kitten lick. “Taste so fucking good-”

“Fuck, JJ-” I breathed out. I felt his fingers dig into the flesh of my thigh, and my grip on his hair tightened. “Mmmm-” I tried to muffle my moans. “JJ please, please, I’m so- I’m so fucking close.”

JJ’s other hand moved down my stomach, before I felt one, then two fingers slide inside me. He slowly began pumping in tandem to his sucking.

“JJ, don’t stop, please- mmm-” I came with a gasp, my ankles crossing around him and my thighs clenching together. When I came down my high, JJ was back above me.

“Fuck, JJ-” I panted. He let out a chuckle, moving some hair out of my face. “Do you wanna stop?” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at him with confusion. “I’m just saying… you’re awfully close to having to spend your entire life saying your first time was with JJ Maybank.”

I bit my lip. “I know,” I replied before pulling him down to kiss me. This kiss was softer, slower. And I knew that I meant it, that no matter what happened, there was no one else I would rather be doing this with. There was no one besides JJ Maybank.

“JJ?” I whispered. “Hmm?”  “Take off your pants.” “Yes ma’am.” JJ replied again, with a smirk before he sat up to pull his pants down. I bit my lip at the sight of the tent formed, just before he pulled his pajama pants down, he had gone commando, and I understood where his confidence came from.

JJ’s fingers gently moved to collect my cum, and I watched as he coated his dick with it. “You ready, baby?” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and nodded. “Wanna hear you say it, bug.”

“JJ, I want you inside of me,” I said softly. I felt him line himself at my entrance, his tip pressed against me. JJ leaned down to kiss me just as he pushed his hips forward, sliding into me slowly. I let out a gasp, my nails digging into his shoulder blades.

“You’re so fucking tight-”

I felt a deep pressure, but I was still sensitive from my first orgasm, so the burn of the stretch, and the comfort of being full was coming together in perfect harmony. 

“Mmm- more,” I breathed out.  “We gotta take it slow, baby.” I let out a soft whine so JJ pressed his lips to mine, and finally, I felt him slide all the way in. “Feels s’good,” I murmur. JJ smiles before kissing down to my jaw, then my neck, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin. He slowly started moving his hips, and the feeling made my head fall back. “God, we should have done this sooner…” I heard JJ mumble against my skin, but I was already starting to feel a tingling in my stomach. 

“JJ…” I whined.

“I know, baby, I got you.” He whispered, one hand sliding between us to rub small circles in my clit as he started to thrust faster. My legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him impossibly closer. “Fuck, you feel so good Junie-” JJ breathed out before kissing me like a man starved. 

I let out a soft moan at the praise, but when JJ’s hips started snapping with no mercy, my nails dug into his shoulders, and JJ let out a muffled moan. My brain felt like it was melting and words seemed impossible.

“‘S so good, J, so good.” I mustered out. 

“Yeah? Feelin’ so good baby? Show me, let me feel you cum on my cock, princess.” JJ commanded before his lips found their way back to my neck, kissing and sucking on my sweet spot.

My eyes squeezed shut as I felt the tingling move throughout my whole body like static electricity, small pathetic moans slipping past my lips.

“Fuck- fuck-” JJ panted before I felt him pull out of me, making me gasp just before I felt his cum spill onto my stomach. We were both silent for a moment, the only sound was our heavy breathing. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve thought about that…” JJ said between pants. I sat up a bit, leaning on my elbows, before I used my finger to wipe the cum on my stomach, then licked the finger clean. 

“Jeeesus fucking christ-” JJ whispered, making me look up at him, just before he leaned back down and pressed his lips against mine. My hands came up to cup his cheek, while his hand gently slid up and down my side. When we pulled away, he kept his forehead pressed against mine.

“Congratulations, Junie Abernathy, you are no longer a virgin…” JJ said softly with a dumb smile on his face. “I’m still capable of killing you, JJ.”

JJ chuckled and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before moving to lay beside me, pulling me to lay on his chest. “Remind me to thank Kie.” JJ’s voice was soft, and I chuckled softly before biting my lip. “I can practically hear the teasing. ‘What happened to no Pogue on Pogue macking?’” I replied. “Y’know what we do if they say that?” JJ sat up to look at me better. “Hmm?” “We mack some more.” JJ leaned down again to kiss me, always wanting more.

taglist: @lilliebellee ©ᵒᵘᵗᵉʳᵐᵃʸᵇᵃⁿᵏˢ ²⁰²⁴

[xxfaggatronxx]

A bit of angst warning ‼️

I want Ghoap content but in an angsty, healing way after Johnny got shot, but…

Realistically.

I want the journey of Johnny waking up only to find his speech stuttered and hearing practically gone, Simon desperate to communicate, Johnny taking it in stride, if he can’t use his mouth, he’ll use his hands.

Learning BSL like he was born for it, and if he gets a little too animated, he reverts back to military hand signals. Simple words change until he can mutter or speak a little more, but he can’t fully recover. It hurts Simon the most that he can’t call into their house and have Johnny come tumbling out of their room like an overeager puppy to greet them.

Months of therapy and yet Soap can only mutter stuttered, soft words. It takes three years before Soap grunts one morning “Bonn-ie yoo a-wa—ke?”

Simon shoots up and Johnny looks surprised too, but he just grins and signs sadly ‘*Dunno if I can do that again soon, love,*’ Simon nods, and its only a few days later when he finds out Johnny was practicing his name, a stuttered “Si-mo—n,” as Johnny smiles and Simon tears up. ‘*I told you I would practice,*’ he signs.

I want the doctor to ask him to wriggle the toes in his left leg, and have the description of his face falling and Simon’s eyes widen some more: more problems to deal with, to live with, to overcome. Johnny refusing to have his left leg removed, the right one already in a brace from a previous injury. Simon pleads him to at least get a wheelchair, and he does.

Stuttered, scratchy, raspy cackles as he uses his arms to race through the hallways, pushing the wheels to see how fast and far he can go… until Simon races after him, a smiling yet scolding tone as they wheels Johnny back to his hospital room, even athoughs he pouts and his hands fly up in messy signs.

“Runnin’ from me, Johnny?”

‘*Wouldn’t have to if let leave*’ The Scot’s fingers a blur.

A few weeks later crutches become the more permanent option, and Soap limps around with a big grin on his face, acting like a cat as he bats at Gaz’s ankles with the end of a crutch. Teasingly taps Simon’s ass with the end of the pole until the Lieutenant, smiling and teasing, threatens to take them away.

He knocks Price’s papers off the table, getting a scowl, and then a small chuckle from the older man who mutters: ‘Gettin’ too good at using those, considered a weapon in your hands, MacTavish,”

I want Johnny waking up…. Different. Same Johnny, thank god, remembers them, but he forgot things. Some important things. What was he doing in the train tunnel?

‘On a mission’ Johnny scrawls with shaking hands

What was the goal of the mission? Johnny pauses and thinks, but the doctor shushes him, and leaves Johnny and Simon alone. Two weeks later, Johnny signs ‘Who’ and the sign for a question. Gaz is sitting with him, Price too. Simon was out getting lunch.

“Who what, mate?” Gaz asks, confused.

‘Who’ Johnny gives a questioning look, then makes the sign a moment later. Price frowns with Gaz, and Johnny looks frustrated, signing ‘who’ a couple more times, and pointing to his head.

“Oh… who shot you?” Price is quiet when Gaz speaks. Johnny nods, then does the sign. It was painful, reminding Johnny of Makarov. He had also forgotten who Laswell, Graves, and a few other people in his life were. He had even forgot that Price was his boss, had forgotten he had tattoos, forgotten he had been called ‘Soap’ once. He remembered serving, but not much else on the SAS track. He never really got his memory back, but he remembered the little things.

He even remembered Simon liked baby’s breath flowers. Johnny being wheeled past a window and making a loud ‘AH!’ Noise, waving his hand to get Simon’s attention as he clumsily pointed with a smile to the flowers outside. ‘*Your favorite*’ Johnny smiled, making Simon’s heart flutter.

And who cares if it’s five years down the line? When Johnny shows up to the award ceremony to promote Simon to Captain. He rolls in through the front doors, in a kilt and suit top. He stops his chair by the door, and Simon’s heart clenched: using the chair meant Johnny was having a really bad day with his legs.

And then he stands. No crutches, no wheels. Grinning as he limps up to Simon, their mouth open as their boyfriend limps forwards, and pins the new rank to his chest, smoothing his hand over their suit to wipe off the dust, then, wobbling, Johnny sinks to one knee, and speaks.

“Would-ould you ma-ke me the happ-iest m-man in the world-ld, and be my per-menen-t partner…,” Johnny paused and smiled, wobbling in his knee with happiness in his eyes, meeting Simon’s wide, disbelieving ones. “Simon…. Riley,” no stutter.

He really had been practicing.