#how does it influence the way they present themself

[eyefocusing]

basically my only real aerialbot trans hc is that skydives gender is plane

[groversoup]

The Search For Meaning in Everhood 2

I've seen a lot of confusion and negativity surrounding this game's approach to storytelling. "What was the point of all that? What does any of this mean? What is this game even about?" Alright, I hear you, and I'm going to try to answer those questions in my own way, assuming that you actually want answers. Here is my incomplete but still quite involved analysis of Everhood 2's major themes and narrative.

Part 1: What does any of this mean?

Whereas Everhood 1 was about death, Everhood 2 is about life. Well, that's part of it anyway- there's another major theme I'll have to get to when it's time, but for now let's just assume that it's only about one thing. Everhood 2 is about the meaning of life, or more precisely, humanity's search for that meaning. What is our purpose here? Does that question even have an answer- is that answer even worth pursuing? What does any of this mean? Something does get said about the meaning life, again and again: all is vanity. But who is saying it, and should you listen to them?

Shade and Nihilism

Shade is an overwhelming antagonistic force in the world of Everhood 2, an unkillable, unstoppable god that masterminds or manifests endless attacks against the player. Shade is also by far the most complicated narrative device in the entire Everhood 2 toolbelt, so we're gonna have to pick them apart piecemeal and only talk about their "pieces" as they become relevant.

Shade is more of a force of nature than an actual person, so they can't exactly have a philosophy on life as they experience it, but that doesn't mean they have nothing to say about it. It's their influence on the world and story of Everhood 2 that produces messaging about life's meaning. Specifically, Shade is an incarnation of Nihilism- the rejection of meaning. All is vanity. And all of their direct interactions with the player reinforce this idea.

The Singularity: The Rejection of Life's Value

From a moral standpoint, Shade's actions truly are meaningless. They give no weight to the value of life- positive or negative. Their control of the God Machine and the genocide of the alien race wasn't done out of hatred or a belief that they deserved death. It was done arbitrarily.

The God Machine itself DOES have a moral reason for its actions, though. "Abandon this reality, embrace true unity." The god machine views life itself as something without value, an obstacle to the true purpose of "unity" in death. It uses Nihilism as a justification to commit unbelievable atrocities.

Clown Dolls: The Rejection of Responsibility

Have you noticed how strongly Shade is associated with jesters? Bobo the Jester God is one of the game's most present villains, and the final pawn to fall before Shade finally stops using proxies and confronts the player directly. The Cazok doll is practically another form of Shade- after giving you a death coin, they state that you'll need it to see the "real thing." Shade's first musical theme upon reappearing in the soul cabin is Cazok's. Shade is the truth behind the falsehood of Cazok. Shade even refers to themself as "not evil, just an entertainer." What's the meaning behind this association with clowns? What do they signify in this world?

Absurdity. Meaninglessness. Entertainment. Cazok's role in the story is a bit too meta for this early in the analysis, so let's look at Bobo. Bobo The Midnight Jester is so much like their master in so many ways. Bobo is an actor, playing dumb in the scam district before revealing their true nature in the gold room. Bobo has a flair for the dramatic, wearing their nature on their sleeve by donning the jester hat. And what exactly is their motivation for their actions throughout the game? Only entertainment. They give you an infinite supply of useless currency because it's funny. Their final fight with you is defined by fun, Bobo viewing it as a game. They have a collection of sentient slimes which they presumably use as psychoactive drugs- BOBO is SMOKING PEOPLE.

So what is this evil clown mindset? Fun above everything else. If life has no meaning, then I can do whatever I want. My actions don't have substantial consequences because substance is fake. All is vanity.

That Insane Ending: Baiting You Into Nihilism

I don't need to tell you how bad the ending of Everhood 2 is. After sailing past the end of time, reality breaks down. Basic continuity stops making sense, your movement through the realms of consciousness seems entirely random, characters appear and disappear with no explanation, and at the end of it all, the crown jewel of the entire game… The Final Boss. Riley is possessed by Shade, takes over the Hillbert Hotel offscreen for seemingly no reason, and is unceremoniously killed off in a boss fight that doesn't even properly conclude. And then you breakdance on their splattered corpse. Cut to "A Game by Foregin Gnomos" with hilariously ill-fitting music. And then you get sent back to the checkpoint before the second boatman trip. If you got to this moment and said out loud "Are you kidding me?! This was all for NOTHING?", then allow me to clarify:

Yep! There is no grand revelation, no takedown of the big bad, no conclusion for any character. Perhaps it's a mistake to ascribe this much intent to a character like Shade, but I can't help but feel like they did this on purpose. Not just giving you a non-ending, but doing it in a way that was perfected in a lab to piss you off as much as possible. (That's definitely what the devs were doing at least.) They hijacked the narrative, tightened their strings around a character that has no business being a villain, and then didn't even let you say goodbye- in gameplay or story- before ripping them away and then flipping the table entirely. It certainly inspires thoughts of… "This didn't mean anything." But is that the takeaway you're supposed to have? If you still think this game is meaningless, I'm afraid you're losing the game. The villain, in a final bid to drag you to their level, ascended beyond the confines of their world to spit in your eye and goad you into accepting their ideology.

"The ending sucks, why did I even bother playing if it was going to end like that?" Well… that's a good question. That is THE question, the one we asked at the very beginning. Why do you bother? Why do you live? It's certainly not because you're going to like the ending.

The Search for Meaning

So there's Shade's role in the story. From one perspective anyway. Where does that leave you? Is the villain right? I said that Everhood 2 is about the meaning of life, so is this game saying that its own story- and life as a whole- is meaningless? Well, no. The God Machine wasn't right, Bobo wasn't right, and Shade isn't right. There IS a way to beat them, but it's gonna take some work. And I don't mean in the game.

Other perspectives

Shade is powerful, omnipresent, and ruthless. But they're just one voice. Who else offers up their take on the meaning of life? The characters of Everhood 2 have been alive for a long, LONG time, surely they've had some time to figure this stuff out.

Raven is the first character you speak to with their actual name displayed. Raven's purpose for living is pretty obviously spelled out- destroy the Root of All Evil. The thing is though… they're really bad at it. Raven is the spirit airlines of spirit guides. They make constantly wrong assertions, manipulate people to get their way, and ultimately fail at their life's work. Because it was never possible in the first place. After the duality trial with the mushrooms fails to bear fruit, Raven's purpose fizzles out. They're left directionless, meditating on what they can do now that they've given up on their original plan. What they settle on is helping you, in whatever way they can, to make up for their failures. So while Raven isn't portrayed as outright evil like some of Shade's puppets, their philosophy is… flawed.

The Boatman! Here we go, this is how you discover the meaning of life. A spiritual journey across space and time to meet god and attain Final Enlightenment. This has gotta be the answer we were looking for. The enlightenment you reach is that you were god the whole time, and then… something about duality. Does that actually mean anything? It certainly doesn't to you or me, in our real lives, but does it mean anything to our character? Does it mean anything for the narrative? This happens after the reset point, so it never actually happens, Shade just undoes it all. And beyond the observed events, you have to die to obtain this "grand revelation." Everyone on that boat has to die. Is that worth it? Was this worth pursuing? I don't think it was.

Sam and Irvine are what I would call… philosophically understated. They aren't into that spiritual talk like the edgy bird, they're just vibing! They've spent hundreds of years visiting countless realms through countless dimensional doors. Going on cool adventures, grabbing loot, playing video games, and watching TV. Awesome. This isn't… a worldview though, is it? Oh god I think it might be. Sam and Irvine don't actively pursue meaning through grand battles waged against the forces of darkness or long speeches from religious figures, they just exist. They do what they feel like doing. But in an important distinction from Bobo, their desires are not the peak of their existence. They don't sacrifice everything in the name of chaotic entertainment, they value their friendships, and sometimes they just lend a helping hand to vulnerable people who need it. Even if they know it can't last. Sam and Irvine adopt a simple goal over the course of the game- get to the Pandemonium and throw a wild party. And at the end of everything, past the series of endings and back to the point of no return, they're the only ones who achieved their goal. I believe that these two grey knuckleheads carry the true message of the game in their hearts.

The Meaning of Life

So what that's it? The point of life is to live? I know, not the most intellectually stimulating take, but that's my reading. The need to be "greater" than a mere human existence, the search for a divine enlightenment at the end of your life, the need for your time on earth to be one long all-encompassing narrative with a transcendent ending- it only ends in disappointment. The meaning you can find in your life is experiential, it's in the everyday. It's about having fun with friends, viewing interesting art, making things better for yourself and others whenever you can. Purple Mage says it explicitly (if you can find them), definining our own meaning is the closest we can come to divine creation. How your life ends doesn't matter because you won't be around for it. And when you choose to reject the importance of the ending, Shade's final insult to you loses its weight. They can't ruin the narrative because this was never a narrative in the first place, it was just a series of experiences, and it was fun! With that framework, I can't be disappointed in this terrible, terrible ending anymore, it is just too funny to be mad at.

Part 2: A Story About Stories

Philosophy about life out of the way, but it still feels like something's missing. It's irresponsible to ignore the bizarre structure of this game. There isn't one clear goal that you work toward over the whole game; the goal keeps shifting. What's that about? What was Evren's whole deal? And describing Shade as just a takedown of Nihilism feels reductive. Let's open up the second major theme of Everhood 2: the exploration and deconstruction of narrative.

Shade and Conflict

Much more explicit than any philosophical themes, Shade is the embodiment of conflict. Specifically, from a storytelling perspective. They have no personal stake in any of the chaos they cause, they just generate endless obstacles and villains for you to overcome. This is where moral analysis of the character becomes kind of tricky. Shade may be the root of all evil, the source of all evil, but in their perspective, they're not evil themself, just an entertainer. And I legitimately don't know if I agree with them, because I don't know if Shade is aware of their status as a fictional character. Despite their ties to nihilism, it would be difficult to call them a nihilist if they're only killing off fictional characters in a story that they're effectively writing.

That's not especially relevant, though. Regardless of Shade's awareness of the metanarrative, their impact on it stays the same. They create conflict, you enter the story to clash against it, and through your overcoming of adversity, you experience the joy of resolution. That is the dual purpose that you two fill in this world. Shade is obsessed with you because they can only carry out their nature in opposition to you. "I find your attention intoxicating."

Endless conflicts, endless climaxes, endless stories. But a piece of media can only have one story, only one climax, right? Well… not really. Everhood 2 is a videogame, a nonlinear and interactive piece of media, and there's no set order in which to experience things. The individual adventures within dimensional doors don't set up plot hooks for later parts of the game to pay off, they're basically their own short stories. Everhood 2 is less a novel and more a collection of tone poems. This is what I mean when I say the game doesn't have a narrative. But that doesn't mean the first 90% of the game and the last 10% are unrelated.

Little Bites

The stories told through the first three dimensional doors are explorations on the theme introduced in part 1: what is the meaning of life? Specifically, for a world of people where death seems inconsequential (and toward the ending, is confirmed to be so.) The veggie kingdom is a valhalla-esque world of infinite combat where meaning is won through competition. The hillbert hotel is host to an endless set of bizarre locations and people to keep you experiencing new things, forever.

The alien world has the strongest thematic throughline of the first few worlds, and that's probably why it's the longest. It serves as a kind of microcosm of the entire game, at least when it comes to one specific point it's making: you keep returning to this place, asking it to continue its story, and every time you do, it makes things worse. Every thousand year jump in this world gives you a new purpose to fulfill, but the collateral damage of your adventures leaves the species you initially saved functionally extinct, with only a single member alive at the end.

The Collapse of the Narrative

This is also the case for the game's world as a whole. You keep being given a goal, completing it, and then… being given a new goal. As a self-insert, your character doesn't have a motivation, they just adopt the motivation of the last person they talked to, and so there's no natural endpoint for the story. At first you slay the dragon, and that seems like a satisfying endpoint, conquering your internal demons to become a more complete person. In another game that would have been saved for the final boss, but in Everhood 2 it's just a stepping stone, and new stones keep getting thrown in front of you, shakier and stranger, until it all slips out from under you.

This is something you're directly warned about by Dmitri and Evren. Your endless conflict with Shade is a downward spiral that will rip apart the world if you let it. As Shade scrambles to keep you entertained with new stories, new conflicts, they eventually run out of puppets with a workable history of wrongdoing and have to improvise. Bobo was Shade's last villain planned for you to encounter, and if Riley wasn't the next big bad… who else could it have been? There isn't really a natural place for the story to go, but it has to keep going anyway. Shade will never stop creating villains, so the only way to prevent their complete destruction of the world and the degradation of the narrative is to not engage with them at all. You get sent back to Pandemonium, and by refusing to start the ending sequence of events over again, the "true ending" is a dance party with your friends. After all, that's what Irvine and Sam wanted, and if engaging shade is going to ruin the world, why not just… not do it?

Now this I find very interesting. What's the message here? A takedown of… sequels? Storytelling in general? ART in general? Well, this is where I think the two disparate themes of Everhood 2 coalesce into something more specific.

Part 3: Fiction vs Reality

The logic of storytelling doesn't really work in the real world, and the opposite is also true. You can't really comment on both of these things in the same way, you can only comment on them individually, or you can comment on their relationship to each other. For me, the linchpin of enterpreting this game under these two lenses at once comes from an incredibly cryptic and mysterious source: Evren.

God and Angel

I kind of passed over the player discovering their identity as God earlier, and that's because I didn't find it super relevant to the philosophical theme of Everhood 2. As a metanarrative element though, it's incredibly important. You are God, not in the sense that you created this world, but in the sense that everything in it exists in service of you: the player. The reader of the text. You are unstoppable in the same way Shade is, which is why you are their other half. You're the undefeatable force of good that surmounts every obstacle and ends every story.

Evren is closer to a god as we understand it: the progenitor of the Everhood 2 universe, the sculptor of every character and location. They love the world they built and they hate to see you and Shade destroy it. They comment that they could trap you in a void forever, prevent you from moving forward, but "that would only anger God." Yeah I can see that being frustrating. And their one line that I agonized to understand, the one that brings this whole thing together, is from their boss fight during the ending. "We cannot exist. I cannot exist if God is in our presence." Your avatar awakening to Godhood dooms the world to nonexistance. Specifically, I believe this refers to the tension between fiction and reality becoming irreconcilable.

Making Things Simple

Human beings love to narrativize things. Childhood fables meant to impart morals, epic journeys that explore complex themes and provide entertainment. But they're just stories, they're not what life is like- they can't be what life is like. Our human existence doesn't have neat little stories with a well defined beginning, middle, and end. It doesn't have clearly defined cause and effect, or thematic throughlines, in the way that stories can. So what do you do when you want to tell a story that's real? A story that really accurately captures the whole breadth of the human experience? Well you can't. You can probably get close, but these things are too different to be mirrors of each other.

Everhood 2 places you in a world that's "real," in the ways I just mentioned. There is no overarching goal, no 3 act structure, no hero's journey. And then it places Narrativization as a destructive force of the universe. The need to make things linear, simplified, structured- the need to have a villain to pin the world's problems on. It eats away at Everhood 2. You are God, you are something innately high above the characters in this videogame, because you're real. The depth of your mind can't be reflected in the actions of a videogame avatar, and the depth of your world can't be summed up in a 20 hour series of text boxes. When your character becomes real, when you become yourself, the game can't rise up to meet you. It can't make a Narrative out of real life. They cannot exist with God in their presence. And this calls forth the apocalypse that Evren tried to prevent by hiding their identity as an angel.

Shade, no longer mistakable for a mere character, becomes an engine of destruction for the world. The metanarrative subsumes all logic and folds the world into a shape better suited to meeting you at your level. The only way Shade can provide a real conflict, a real villain, to you- to God, is to take the story you've been reading and end it in a way that causes you pain. This is why I find the rewind to the Pandemonium "ending" so compelling. It doesn't provide closure to the characters or the world, but that's never something you're going to see in real life. This is just a moment in time after achieving a shared goal with your friends. You're having fun at a party. That's the kind of satisfaction that IS real and can be found in our world. You can leave the end of time and the death of all your friends as a hypothetical, stuck behind a save point that you never need to walk past again. You already know what happens.

Conclusion

Art is really useful. It's capable of articulating ideas that we might struggle to with just our voices. It can inspire great emotional depth, spur philosophical development, and even change lives. But it cannot dictate a life- it shouldn't. You cannot arrive at the meaning of life by reading about it in a book, you cannot narrativize your way into a fulfilling existence. You have to get out there and find it. Everhood 2 isn't a story. It's a world that gets ruined by stories.

[sugarfortia]

Full notes on Loop/Felis (thus far) under the cut!

Disclaimer: I am afraid all my writings are liable to being out of character, or simply highly influenced by my own experiences/preferences. You've been warned. This Loop-variant-thing was inspired mostly by my mid-game impression of Loop, and the outfit I was wearing while drawing. Meaning: I didn’t necessarily put a lot of thought into their design and story at first, I just did what I wanted and am now working backwards.

Regarding their design, they did get a changed body after the Loops. More on that in a second. They usually wear nothing that restricts their arm and upper-body’s movements. They got too used to wearing nothing, possibly. I really enjoy the idea of Siffrin having curly or coarse hair, which translates to Loop’s hair spikes being something close to a spiked afro… just with a looser hair texture? Admittedly I don’t know what’s going on with the hair, it’s just staying super cartoonish for now. I’m also pretending that it is extremely heat damaged in the front. They have freckles, one of Mirabelle’s expensive earrings, and white eyelashes with one black streak through them (<- subject to change). Their eyebrows are thinner than Siffrin’s and they are taller (by how much, I haven’t decided). Lucky them! I have also yet to decide whether or not to make them part creatureby adding back the loop-tail, claws, and coloring on their paw-feet. It’s tempting. The loop frizzles do not remain, but are remnant in their craft-usage. I also realize that I have no real idea of how fem-presenting I tend to draw characters, so.. Know they are supposed to land on that scale just about where Loop usually does, just more ‘equal parts’ than ‘completely ambiguous’. Back to their story. Post-canon, the Universe gave them a new body in its attempt to right itself after the loops ended. Imagine a comedic end to the two-hats situation- they fight, Loop disappears, then reappears like haha… guess what? I didn’t get a clean ending after all! Although they never realized it, their new body is an amalgamation of leftover parts- Loop, sasaapfrin, and scraps from Siffrin’s past loved one/aquaintences. It is very likely that Loop now has the face of Siffrin’s childhood friend, or sibling, even. They retained a certain degree of regeneration, which nobody is keen on testing the full extent of. Also! The constellations on their skin are going to be studied by Odile at some point. Loop doesn’t see the point, and knows Siffrin is inclined to agree, but if it gets them attention that isn’t focused directly on themself. Well.

Anyways, speaking of attention, Felis still has a complicated relationship with it. Although the idea is that they are healthy enough to function as normally as a Siffrin could after [gestures vaguely], there are certain habits they refuse to give up. They are mainly focused on just... moving on. The party is there for them, but as ‘the truth’ never really got out so much as was ‘eventually realized’, Loop was left to their own devices for a good chunk of time. This is also because shortly after re-materializing, they decided to fuck off to who-knows-where (they never said) and only returned when they couldn’t bear how nostalgic traveling felt anymore. After rejoining the party, Siffrin stuck quietly to their side for a while. It was a relief that they were now traveling again, and that Loop had missed a majority of the emotionally-charged events following Vaugarde’s return to life. Since everyone was various degrees of occupied at this time, Loop was able to very slowly reintroduce themself during a long stay in… say, Ka Bue? It takes a bit. Mira actually ends up being this one's safe spot, mostly because she doesn't want to look backwards, towards the loops or otherwise. She’s headstrong, genuine, and unconditionally kind in the way Loop needs. The earring on their left ear is the pair to Mira's, a joke between them about the destruction of social norms.. or something. [I want to note something about holding their face a certain way… nahhh.]

Loop's other item-of-significance is a deck of cards from a traditional Ka-Buan game. I haven’t found a good real-life comparison to make, but imagine it’s somewhere between tarot and poker. You would think that loop wouldn't want anything to do with card games, but these were gifted to them by Odile about a year or so after Siffrin escapes the loops. It was a sleepy sort of day, and Felis was itching for something to do. So, Odile thought it the perfect time to teach the group a game her father had loved. Siffrin was having a time of it, being a bit uncomfortable due to Reasons. Loop, however, was having a blast, and Odile thought it fit to bring them on a secret mission later on that week. A secret mission that did not at all involve gambling, thank you very much. Loop was smug and secretly elated at having found something… unique, to them. About how normal this felt. Odile gifted them the card deck on the party’s last day in her home country.

Eventually, although I hate to think about it, the party may have parted ways, settled down, or otherwise made lives for themselves. Maybe they all stayed together forever, maybe not. Either way, Felis was a bit of a wanderer. They were highly averse to doing what anyone believed they should, and took great joy in seeing and experiencing as many things as possible. However, traveling alone did not feel as … comfortable, as it once did. Comfortable isn’t the right word, but regardless of what Loop liked to believe, they had grown roots. If Siffrin was the stray the party had tamed, Loop was the one who pretended they had not been. Regardless, there was always a door open for them. A place to stay, a person to return to. Even Euphrasie kept a spare room made up for them, should they ever feel the need to visit. Loop and her must have had a talk of sorts at some point, she's a comforting person, and they needed to reckon with her involvement in the loops. They just had to. And they did so before siffrin, taking the time to collect some materials from the house for them. It was one of those things Felis did with a quiet pride, even though no words were spoken aloud about it. 

Another note I must make on them is that they are adverse to touch in the way that cats are to water. They aren't used to it, and if they're not expecting it things Dont Go Smoothly. Plus, they are usually totally fine without it except that… if they do randomly get a hug or something similar, they refuse to let go. It's like not eating for longer than healthy, then getting a small taste of your favorite food and oh my goodness this was a thing I could’ve had? This thing that I might sort of need? Speaking of food, they do need to eat. That's... That’s an adjustment all on its own. [Felis had swiped some food from Dormont’s post-King party, deciding not to stop on the way to their next destination. Good thing, too, as they immediately and somewhat violently spit out the first few items they had attempted to eat.] That’s all I have noted down for now, but trust the details shall be filled in as soon as I feel like finishing this. Heheheh...

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Hi!! Second question here!!

I see you talking about Kralsei a lot and I honestly LOVE reading about it!! I'm really curious to know what you think about their symbolisms of light and dark, and how this would reflect on their characters and relationship in the game itself!

...oh boy, do I have Thoughts about this topic. I could talk about this for DAYS, but I shall refrain and just offer you some of my most recent musings on the subject.

So yeah, I'm pretty much in the same camp as you when it comes to looking at Kris and Ralsei as representing their respective worlds - obviously Kris is our protagonist and the character we literally control, and they're a lightner, so they represent the light world, while Ralsei is the first (actually second because of Lancer) darkner we meet and get to know, and he calls himself the prince of the dark, so naturally he stands in for the dark world. The two characters have some kind of connection that hasn't really been explored too deeply in-canon, and there's all the talk about the balance between light and dark and how disaster will befall the world if the two were to fall out of alignment, and it does make you wonder what role exactly they will play in redressing that balance... but more on that later.

What complicates this view is the fact that there's three entities you have to consider: Kris, Ralsei, and Us. And then you have to ask a new question, which is that if Kris represents light and Ralsei represents dark, then what exactly are we supposed to represent? Are we the force that works to keep them in harmony? Or could we be the wedge that drives them apart, by forcing them to interact in ways that neither of them really want to? Obviously our involvement is non-negotiable at this stage, as there wouldn't be much of a game if we weren't present to exert our influence upon Kris, and by extension Ralsei. But it is possible that, in our eagerness to force them together/apart, depending on your viewpoint, we could perhaps be sowing the seeds for disaster further down the line.

Another thing I think about with regards to Kris and Ralsei, both in terms of their developing relationship and the debate surrounding them, is how important communication - or rather miscommunication - is when discussing them. In-game time, these characters met yesterday, so they don't really know each other all that well. Kris isn't exactly able to represent themself properly due to our influence, but even putting that to one side their proclivity for pranks might make it difficult for Ralsei (who we must remember doesn't really understand the concept of sarcasm) to properly understand them on the rare occasions they are permitted to speak. And for his part Ralsei is a textbook people-pleaser who seems to default to whatever he thinks would make Kris and/or the player happy over his own preferences, and we also know he has a bad habit of not telling people things he doesn't think they need to know, perhaps until it's too late. Put the two of them in a room together and there's a good chance that neither of them will have a clearer understanding of who the other actually is, but rather hold false representations of each other that all but guarantees further misunderstandings down the line.

And if these two characters WERE to end up in a relationship of some kind, whatever form that might end up taking, those misunderstadings could end up causing the very thing they were trying to avoid in the first place... but I shall park that thought there for right now :P

Meanwhile, there's also the point that WE do not really know Kris or Ralsei that well, or their respective opinions on each other. We have clues, of course, such as the teas and the ways these characters behave around each other, but there is the danger of extrapolating from these meager pieces of information, such as when people thought Ralsei might be "evil", or that Kris despises him because his tea doesn't heal for 120HP while Susie's does. And that can lead to assertions such as "Ralsei is essentially identical to Asriel so shipping him with Kris is essentially incest", which... I don't have enough time in the day to go over what is wrong with that right now, but trust me that is coming down the pipeline.

The crux of what I'm trying to say about all this is: we just don't know enough about the situation right now. We can't read Kris's or Ralsei's mind, and what scraps of knowledge we can glean from their conversations and narrative details isn't enough to base any sort of decisive statement on how their relationship might develop in the future. All we can say for sure is that something connects Kris and Ralsei, the game is pushing them together in these situations for some narrative or thematic purpose, and thus wants to say something about the nature of RPG romance, destiny, love, identity, agency, et cetera, through them.

But yeah... I've kind of rambled for like two hours at this point, so I think that's a good place to stop. Thank you for the second ask! :D

[terrence-silver]

Is terry the type to end beloveds previous marriage and adopt her children into his own life or does that scenario not allow him enough control?

(Control over her first impressions/ideas of marriage and motherhood, love and devotion, intimacy, etc?)

Would it be any different if beloved hated/got rid of her own first husband for her children or to be with terry? Like calls to like, if beloved could match his devotion and violence and appetite for revenge 🤔

just a daydream ✨️

-

Of course Terry's the type to end beloved's previous marriage --- and what's better, influence events, manipulate circumstances and set the stage for beloved to get rid of their own husband like a Spartan warrior throwing a weak, sickly child off of a cliff.

He's merely here giving them that initial push. He's merely the snake in their ear. He's the puppeteer. The guy pulling the strings. He will never be fully in control of beloved's first impressions of marriage, motherhood, family or even love because there was already someone there before him, sure, and while that might infuriate Terry because he has to be the one and he has to be the groundbreaking, life-altering influence in every regard comparable to nobody else, he overcompensates by reformulating how beloved sees all of these ideas and he has a great canvas to work off of if he starts unassumingly painting beloved's first husband as a deadbeat. Lousy. A bad man. A failure. Someone beloved deserves far better than. Someone he will always be greater in comparison of. He will very quietly (and almost humbly, like he has the best intentions) pose himself as the ex-husband's better in every way and live up to this very standard by the tenfold until beloved themself starts getting new ideas about marriage --- new ideas that center him, Terry Silver, as perfection itself. And he is. He bombards them with love nonstop to the degree nobody compares anymore. To the degree the high he gives beloved will ensure nobody but him will ever cut it again. See, beloved does most of the legwork here because Terry feeds them the right amount of conditioning to inspire them to do these things. In their own mind's eye, they're the one who made all of these decisions and they have the agency --- a notion Terry would perpetuate to conceal in plain sight just how very involved he actually was. If he could, he'd hold their hand while they're signing the divorce papers with a monogram engraved golden pen he personally put into their hand all while feigning innocence and protesting it might not be right or proper for him to be present for a consultation so intimate all while snickering internally.

What's worse, the kids love him.

They're like virtual 'Fuck you' trophies he collected from another man.

Terry's a homewrecker galore and a subtle destroyer of human bonds.

All human bonds that aren't with him, of course.

Now, of those he is as territorial as can be.

[sol-consort]

The idea of the Player being an unknown Omnipresent force in the background of Shepard’s life, yet so important, is actually so interesting.

And now I’m wondering…

Did we truely piggy back on Shepard from the very beginning?

I think not. Sure we “customised” Shepard but before Eden Prime we never influenced their life. Were we only interested due to Sovereign and invested after Shepard interfaced with the Beacon, opening their mind to something higher than themself, even for just a moment.

Was it subtle?

At first yes, Shepard was very confused and worried after waking up so they would’ve probably dismissed the soft guidance and gentle words as nothing more then a crossing thought in their mind. That was, before they started listening to the beautiful, ethereal and oh so sweet sound of our cadence.

What does Shepard know?

Probably freaked out after discovering Indoctrination, but the way Saren was treated and how dismissive Sovereign was of life, there’s no possible way you could be a Reaper or anything like. They could be wrong, but the fact they were guided to the eventual demise of Sovereign and Saren, the little they could glean of your shared moments together. You wanted this as much as they did, and even if not to save the galaxy, then to stay with Shepard.

If this is what madness is; it’s the best kind

I'm glad you like the concept. It's been buzzing at the back of my mind for a while. The questions you brought up are interesting, but the answers don't align with the narrative I'm trying to build in this story.

The gist of the story and main moral is that truth is relative.

What Shepard sees, and the Player sees both very well exist. In this story, Shepard is simultaneously a fictional character in a videogame and a real living person in their universe. The Player is simultaneously a normal person in their modern world playing a videogame and a very real force present in the world of Mass Effect.

Both truths exist in this story. It just depends on which point of view the narrative is told from. Why I've been purposely using "you" to address the Player and "them" for Shepard. As if the narrator is speaking to you directly and telling this story, rather than getting into characters' heads and using "you" to showcase their inner emotions and thoughts like I usually do.

It's why I purposely wrote:

"It's not something they could explain. Where would they even begin? Who would believe them?"

Instead of:

"It's not something you could explain. Where would you even begin? Who would believe you?"

;The latter would've made Shepard more empathetic and relatable for the reader, but I abandoned my usual style because I needed to the reader separated at all times from all characters but the Player.

I'm not trying to tell an isekai or a story of a videogame character suddenly realising they're in a game. Both the player and Shepard will always be blind to the other side of the coin.

The game is more of a medium that mirrors these opposing sides and reflects them into the other universe in ways that make sense for the people in the said universe.

And I especially want it detached from the reaper technology. You can't outsmart a system using a machine built from the same parts and tools the system allowed you to have. Even the reapers are just code at the end of the day.

It's why I've been heading towards the spiritual direction, a non-empirical far-fetched method that might just slip through the filters of the universe. Reaper technology is a construct, therefore, it abides by the rules of the universe which it was built in. whilst free-will isn't.

It wasn't the beacon that allowed Shepard to breach through the veil for a second or grant the Player the power to influence them. It was Shepard themselves.

Shepard IS free willed. Any actions they take influenced by the player is an action they weren't opposed to.

The player's influence has been evident even before the Eden Prime beacon. It's not just about making dialogue choice or picking mission destinations. To have even pressed the W key to move Shepard forward is enough of an influence in itself for them to notice.

It's just that Shepard mistook you as their intuition, an unusually sharp one. All the way through ME1 up until the second game.

It's also why I want them to only come to that conclusion during the second game, after they spent three whole years in a come, with the player's presence nearby.

[zeldassecretwell]

listen. listen. hear me out.

trans zelda and trans link (of course), HOWEVER (long speculation and gender worldbuilding/headcanon follows):

link, afab and genderfluid. as a child, shrimply does not Care about gender. does not cross her mind (homeschooled and fucks around in the woods too much for it to be relevant to his life). But when they pull the sword, suddenly there's all this attention on them and guess what? The Hero Of Legend is a boy, and so Link must be a boy, always. He doesn't really mind at first, because it isn't like he cared anyways, but it eventually becomes stifling as he realizes that he, as The Hero, is expected to perform a certain kind of masculinity (and only ever perform that kind of masculinity).

zelda, amab and trans, she/her. grows up as aware of gender roles as a child can be (given that those roles are tied to the monarchical power structure that she's born into). Sees that her mother is 1) the one with the divine heritage and 2) I'm going to assume favorite parent since I dislike Rhoam intensely. Is like, yeah sure I'd like to be a girl, sounds neat! Rhoam et al. are like but your roles...no...be a boy... And then her mom dies when she's like 6 and everybody's like well shit The Princess Of Legend is a girl, and Zelda is an only child, so now we will choose to see you as a girl. And at first Zelda doesn't mind because she thought being a girl was neat anyways, but then it becomes stifling as she realizes that she, as The Princess, is expected to perform a certain kind of femininity (and only ever perform that kind of femininity).

I just think it's incredibly interesting how gender can play into the themes of destiny/expectations/personhood/choice/self discovery if you operate off of the assumption that the botw/totk universe has an (even slightly) different system of gender. because most societies do in one way or another. FOR EXAMPLE:

- link starts dressing more fluidly and expressing themself more after he wakes up post amnesia, moving away from rigid, stoic masculinity of pre-calamity

- zelda cuts her hair post botw. she cuts her hair. oh my fucking god! she cuts her goddamn hair! she is louder and more outspoken, and she leans into being a scientist. and she cut her hair!!! because she IS a girl, but not the one that her father wanted her to be.

- and on the topic of how this influences the rhoam-zelda dynamic: you could read an element of rhoam projecting onto zelda (and zelda very much perceiving this) "well, if only you had been 'BORN' a girl, maybe your powers would work sooner" or "well you wanted to be a girl, so why do you complain about the kind of girl that you must be for the good of the kingdom (read: the kind of girl I want you to be)"

- THUS. INTENSE ZELDA LINK BONDING (romantic or platonic doesn't matter) VIS A VIS BEING TRANS AND THE WAY EXPECTATIONS SHAPED THE WAY THEY WERE PERCIEVED AND THE WAY THEY PERCIEVE THEMSELVES. CAN I GET AN AMEN.

- also, last little note - because I'm assuming (as much as one can) that the kingdom of central Hyrule is to some degree imperialistic and subjugating other regions in the country pre-calamity - other societies in hyrule could have gender systems that differ from that of Central Hyrule (and this is sort of present in canon but. you know. in the way that canon is the way it is. well.). ERGO. none of the Champions have to be in line with the central hyrulean concept of a cisgender person. I rest my case.

[dtkqer]

wait why ranboo (idk much abt him)

ESSAY WARNING AHEAD do not fucking repost this shit anywhere holy fuck i will kill you!!!!!!! respect my boundaries :((

ok my thought process was somewhere along the lines of

rboo (kid wanting to blow up as a mcyter during summer 2020) getting attention through making fan content of dream smp (also trying to write themself into the lore) -> dream (kid who blew up as an mcyter before the pandemic hit, getting even more insane numbers) sees himself in rboo, adds him to the dream smp

-> path 1: parasocial stan delusion - ran is both viewer and cc, relatable to viewers in a down to earth way while gaining an insane amount of success very very fast -> heightened scrutiny to not fuck things up because his audience is full of normal people who care about social justice on paper (part of dreams influence in having a gender and race diverse (somewhat) audience) -> growing importance of boundaries (tm) -> fandom becomes insanely blue haired liberal and jumps on every mistake, demanding quick and GOOD apologies for both inane and serious shit -> fandom becomes volatile and creates disproportionate responses to everything -> they (rboo) become spineless -> this attitude and spinelessness leaks over to the whole of mcyt since most of dsmp shared an audience at that point -> feedback loop we see today (sidebar: growing media illiteracy combined with volatile reactions extend to lore shit on all ends and was absolutely compounded by their joining -> "sanctity" of the lore -> michael -> dsmp audiences split over the parasocial belief that character = content creator's thoughts beliefs and actions in real life instead of. acting)

-> path 2: control and queerness - branch off from blue haired liberal -> viewers have good intentions in wanting more rep in the cc space (queer and women, not so much race) -> marginalized communities cant afford to make mistakes as much as white men in the space -> disproportionate amount of criticism for both white men and marginalized ccs -> viewers attempting to take control of ccs due to ran blurring the line between viewer and cc during lockdown/most viewers' formative social years being taken from them -> not much education about queerness in the first place -> queerbaiting discourse and queer being a symbol of goodness -> people seemed to want dream to be straight and evil and ran to be gay/queer and good -> double standards when dream and ran come out because of dream's perceived power, status, and past growing up in conservative florida he had already been addressing, but ran gets a warm welcome because of bending to the audience more than dream has and past not holding as many mistakes meaning they could claim queer as an identity -> selective biphobia because if dream is queer hes a bad queer so everything he does is evil

-> return to main thread - brighton bastards formed, beeduo date and break up, everyone becomes bitter boots after lockdown ends and dream abandons his adopted bastard child he came to love that george originally gave birth to -> october and drexodus -> quackity resentment somewhere in there behind the scenes, dtkq breakup -> former audience split over lore comes back into -> qsmp shit -> dream and by extension dteam/munchy is evil except badboyhalo who supports dream but is still on qsmp because hes a lore andy -> schisms from the past continue to grow, new schism of q's side vs dream's side appears (secret third challenger of brighton floptopia) -> people air out their dirty laundry and snide comments -> november and december -> relative peace -> march-> karl gets hit by a car -> present day -> dnf sextape

i may be wrong for quite a bit of this but this is how i saw it . again this is a tumblr exclusive if you repost this anywhere even iwth my url cropped i will fucking kill you.

[hillbillyoracle]

The Algorithm is AI Art

Last year, I used DALL-E to create a series of images for a digital tarot card deck I was making for my personal use. When I shared some of those images here on my blog, I got a massive amount of push back and even threats in my inbox. I'm still putting my thoughts together on that experience but it did make me realize that most people don't seem to realize they're supporting the AI art they hate so much - to the tune of millions and even billions of dollars per year depending on the platform - almost everyday through the algorithms they use.

So if you genuinely hate AI art, I'm here to tell you that you've got to do what you can to get rid of and not use the algorithms in your life. That kind of support is more materially complicit with AI's intrusion on art than someone making a few images for themself ever could be.

Yes It's Possible

For many platforms, especially when they're accessed on desktop, it is possible to greatly reduce your contact with the algorithm. I use browser extensions to cut out the AI curated feeds on YouTube, Facebook, and Reddit. I mostly use Instagram on desktop to answer messages.

I generally do not use Instagram, Facebook, and other apps that do not allow users to control their feed on mobile. I know Instagram is mobile only - when I use it on mobile, I download it, upload what I want, then delete the app again.

I am considering cutting these out entirely again once this phase of my experiment for a zine I'm writing is over because honestly, they're not worth it, but that's a different post...

I also really recommend either making a separate email account or getting ruthlessly organized in your current one, so that you can sign up for artist's newsletters and other forms of human centered curation. RSS readers like Feedly can also be a good alternative.

The point here isn't perfection - the point is doing what you can. Not because it will change companies - but because it's better for you and the artists you care about.

Why?

Algorithms in these spaces determine who's work gets shown and more importantly - who gets paid enough to continue making their art.

AI has consistently been shown to reproduce and even exaggerate biases already present in society. This video by Ann Reardon of How to Cook That talks about YouTube's lack of transparency about the potential for a sexist bias in YouTube's algorithm and shows that in the top views at least, there's a clear slant toward male creators. The only woman in the top 10 does not show her face in her videos - unlike most of the men in the top 10. This discrepancy is even larger the further down the list you go.

Who gets shown is who gets paid enough to keep making their content/art. Less pay means people can afford to put out less content/art and can't scale - meaning less diversity in content/art.

What art gets shown influences what inspires new art and content to be made. You are seeing art directly shaped by AI everyday - and more than that - by continuing to click on what it serves up to you, you support it.

This AI influence on real world art has become so normalized that people consider it as natural a force of nature as wind. It's not. This was designed - and it can be redesigned.

I want to be careful not to overstate the influence of a click either - your clicking on something you choose is not a form of activism. Your clicks cannot retrain the algorithm at scale. A lot of people have the misconception that you can train "your" algorithm but what the algorithm on your feeds is doing is actually comparing your clicks to it's database of similar user profiles and their behaviors to decide what to suggest to you. Your clicks don't retrain the AI as a whole, they just match you with a different user type.

The real reason I think those concerned about AI in art need to find ways to take control of their feeds is because it ensures you're able to support a diverse array of creators through your views and it ensures that what you're taking your inspiration from isn't what the AI decides is worthy of attention.

I realize there are those who are reading this who either might not have been old enough to remember or even weren't born when YouTube basically took your Subscriptions off the front page. It used to be they would pop up at the top of the front page. Then it got knocked down on the front page. When it got shoved into it's own sidebar link and then that link progressively minimized through redesigns - there was actually an outcry about it.

People warned that this would lead to a watering down effect, where smaller channels didn't get the chance to grow like already established ones would. Creators of marginalized identities saw their views drop dramatically. Similar things happened when Facebook and Instagram fully took away a user's ability to have a chronological feed (this was possible in the early days). I know of more than a few creators who fully had to step away from their work because of the change over. I miss their art.

And then the outcry petered out. The companies didn't lose users over it so nothing changed. Eventually people got used to it and the protests went away. These companies now know they're "too big to fail" and can ignore user outcry until people acclimate the new normal that serves them. This normal serves them because it does actually increase engagement and keeps you on the platform for longer - which means less time spent on your own creative activities, yet another way they impact what art gets made.

TL;DR: if you hate AI's impact on artists and their employment opportunities, take control of your feeds. Make your own. Choose what you click. Take back your time and make more art.

[highwayphantoms]

Happy DADWC-day

Cal and Oriana bonding over both being ace sounds like it could be interesting. As for a prompt I wasn't sure what would fit but “people think i’m weird” from the dialogue list feels like a vibe that might come up in such a conversation

thank you for the prompt! this one ended up going a bit long, but such is life hahaha

Here's some post-Trespasser Oriana-goes-to-Kirkwall for @dadrunkwriting!

Words: 1624 Warnings: none

-

Oriana lasted three days living alone in “her” estate before the sheer loneliness got to her. It wasn’t that she spent her days alone; word had spread very quickly in Hightown that the former Inquisitor was visiting and for several hours every day she had visitors (each of them screened by a pair of city guards that had been posted outside her front door as a precaution). For all the distrust that had gathered around the Inquisition, the fact remained that she was… well-known. Not necessarily well-liked, a fact she knew and which was reinforced by the handful of her visitors who dropped backhanded compliments and snide remarks. It was, if nothing else, familiar.

She hated it.

At least when she was with the clan, she was never far from people who cared for her. Maybe Kirkwall had been a mistake.

Then Hawke—not one of their servants, Hawke themself—dropped by, looking all the world like every other noble-born visitor she’d had, and invited her over for dinner. Whether the invitation was simply a polite gesture or a genuine desire for her company, Oriana couldn’t guess, but she leapt at the chance to spend time with people who weren’t trying to use her influence for their own gains.

Not that she really had much influence. Without the might of the Inquisition behind her, she was little more than a Dalish elf trying to function on her own for the first time in her life. For a few minutes, while she fought to wrangle her curls into some semblance of order, she wondered how Merrill had coped after leaving her own clan.

Then again, Merrill had found her way into Hawke’s circle.

A fresh pang of loneliness hit her as she headed for the door, mingling with the bone-deep grief that had been following her for nearly three years. Creators, but she missed Cyren. Not for the first time, she wished she’d followed him north to Tevinter. She’d thought she could survive living apart from the one person who’d been by her side through everything.

She’d been wrong. Again.

Oriana paused before she opened the door, taking a deep breath to steady herself. At worst, she would be presented with food she couldn’t identify and polite company. Certainly better than repeating the last several nights: buying questionable food from a street vendor, taking it back to her new estate, and eating alone while trying desperately not to think about how lonely she was.

Hawke’s estate was, exactly as Varric had said, directly across the street. It wasn’t hard to miss, either; unlike virtually every other manor she’d seen in Hightown, Hawke’s looked as warm and inviting as cold stone could be made to look. The windows were covered with deep red curtains, and Hawke’s family sigil was painted in a similar shade by the door. Or, at least, she assumed it was their family sigil, given the estate had once belonged to the noble family Hawke came from. She was greeted at the door by a young elven man, who seemed to immediately recognize her (no surprise, when there were all of two Dalish elves in Kirkwall, and they looked nothing alike). He stepped aside to let her in, politely informing her that she would find Hawke in the library to the left of the foyer, before he added in a whisper, “If you ever have the time, my little sister would be really, really excited if you visited us for tea.”

She’d already stepped past him, but she turned back to offer him a genuine smile. “I’d love to,” she said. “You might have to show me the way there, though.”

The young man nodded eagerly. “I can do that! I’m here every day but Saturday, but Messere Hawke doesn’t mind if I go home for tea.”

“Tomorrow, perhaps?” she offered.

He brightened considerably. “Yes! Thank you, thank you.”

He seemed sweet, she thought as she continued into the foyer. Belatedly, the thought occurred to her that he had looked young, certainly no older than she’d been when she had accompanied Cyren south to the Conclave. Had he lost his parents? Did he work for Hawke to have the coin to take care of not just himself, but his sister, too?

She found Hawke alone in the library, sprawled across a chaise lounge with a book in their hands and a heavy quilt draped over their legs. Before she could stop herself, she asked, “How much do you pay that boy who answers your door?”

Without looking up, Hawke said, “Double what he originally asked me for. Why?”

“He has a sister,” she said lamely.

This time, they did look up, lowering the book and marking their place with a finger held between the pages. “I know,” they said. “She’s the reason I met him in the first place. Bad lungs, from the chokedamp in Darktown.” They paused then, studying her with their pale, ice-blue eyes. After a moment, they asked, “How is the manor? I had Letty and Rey give the place a proper cleaning when Varric told me he was giving it to you, but that was half a year ago. I can have them do it again, if you’d like?”

Oriana stared blankly at them for a long moment. “That’s very generous of you, but it’s… it’s fine,” she finally managed.

A beat passed, then Hawke smiled wryly. “It’s big and empty, isn’t it?”

She nodded mutely.

“We can always let that manor collect some more dust and move your things over here,” Hawke said, perfectly matter-of-fact. Like they were suggesting a day outside the city walls, not… not the whole of Kirkwall believing that their Champion had the former Inquisitor in their pocket.

“I can’t,” she said, almost immediately. “I would be intruding on your privacy, and you—for all you know, I’m a wanton murderer that the Inquisition barely held in check.”

Hawke continued to smile. “According to some people, I’m also a wanton murderer. We’ll get along fine.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I’m quite serious.” This time, Hawke set their book aside on a small table beside the chaise and pushed the quilt to the side. They stood up, then took a few steps towards her until they were just out of arm’s reach. “Varric won’t say it, because he’s a stubborn old fool when he wants to be, but he’s worried about you. You’re a Dalish elf living alone in Kirkwall, and I’m a notorious eccentric with a habit of picking up strays. The worst anyone is going to say if you choose to live in one of the many empty bedrooms in this place is that I’ve gone and added another elf to my collection. It’s rude, and it’s obnoxious, but it’ll be harmless gossip for a week or two before the neighborhood picks something else to harp on.” Hawke sighed, rolling their eyes, and added, “Maker only knows what new nonsense they’ll come up with when Fenris comes home.”

Rather than make a decision about Hawke’s invitation, Oriana latched onto the new topic they’d just provided her. “Does he… also live with you?”

Hawke shrugged. “In theory, yes. In practice…” They chewed on their lip for a few seconds, clearly giving their choice of words much thought. “He said he’ll be back in time for All Souls’ Day. I’m holding him to that.”

“You miss him,” she murmured.

“Terribly,” Hawke admitted. “I imagine you’re in much the same boat. Your friend, the healer—”

“Cyren,” she supplied.

“He went north, too, didn’t he?”

Oriana nodded. “Our Keeper said once we were twin souls. I… most people don’t understand. They think I’m weird, but Cyren never did.”

Hawke fixed them with a strange look. “You seem like a perfectly normal person to me.”

“No, it’s… I don’t know how to explain it. You’re going to think I’m weird, too, but… I have it on good authority that normal people want sex, and it’s weird that I don’t.”

For a moment, Hawke was quiet. Then they laughed. “Oh, you’re like me,” they said, face still creased with amusement. “My friend, you are no weirder than I am, though that is an admittedly high bar to clear.”

Oriana stared at them, baffled. “But you’re in a relationship with two people.”

Hawke shrugged. “Because I love them. Maybe not in the usual way, but what does that matter?” Then, traitorously, they asked, “So, should I have my staff collect your things while we eat?”

She scowled at them. As much as it scared her to say yes, she desperately wanted to. Hawke was welcoming her in—Hawke barely knew her, and they were inviting her into their own home regardless. They trusted her. Not just anyone could get such an invite.

“If I offer to do your hair for you, does that make you any more inclined to say yes?” Hawke asked, with what seemed to be a genuinely warm smile. “It feels like ages ago, now, but I used to brush and braid the hair of the younger girls in the Circle, just like I did my sister’s. I really don’t mind doing it, and I’m sure it’s hard to manage with just one hand.”

They weren’t wrong. She’d mastered the art of washing and combing her hair with one hand, but braiding it was, very possibly, now eternally out of reach.

Defeated, she sighed and said, “That would be very kind of you.”

Hawke’s smile widened, just a bit. “Welcome to the Amell Estate, Comtesse Lavellan.”

“Just Oriana is fine,” she said.

“And I’m just Cal,” they replied. “Think you can handle living in the same house as a couple of mages?”

“Sounds just like home,” she admitted.

[two-days-a-little-high]

[More precious than gemstones]

hello,I wrote this after getting somewhat into Topaz,Ratio, and aventurine as a ship, this is just a one shot exploring something I thought of, hope you like it.

(ps, you can interpret this as romantic or not,I didn't think about that when writing it)

The ambience in the bar was dead quiet, on account of it having only a few patrons, some of which were huddled together in their own booth, one was sitting on their own, enjoying a drink, all the while Aventurine was at the counter, the stool he sat on was comfortable, the drinks were good, the barkeep mostly kept to themself, which was preferable to Aventurine, as his reasons for choosing this bar culminated in wanting a reprieve from his work.

Usually his experience at a bar amounted to what is basically an intelligence gathering mission, butter up a few people here and there, get someone in a festive mood where they’re likely to let a few things slip, use his charms to win over a few persons of interest, the works.

And certainly, the IPC provides its workers with the most luxurious hotels, holiday destinations, amusement parks and casinos, for the right price of course, like a very greedy snake eating its own tail.

But this bar was entirely outside of that, a small world of his own, his secret island, the barkeep was more a hobbyist than a merchant, their artistic flare was entertaining, the patrons were few and far between, and none of them knew him, and if they did, they didn’t bother to bring it up, the IPC’s influence does not reach here, mainly because it has no reason to, there is no profit to be made in a random hidden bar, no matter how fancy it may be.

The shop’s entrance opened suddenly and the bell-like device above it let out a melodious ring, surprised by the noise Aventurine turned to look and recognized the figure as none other than his coworker Topaz and her companion Numby, Topaz was looking into a communication device, most likely closing a deal or making one, such was the life of an IPC worker.

He controlled his expression into a wry smile, he was a gambler by trade yes, and unexpected variables were his bread and butter, yet he could not help but be caught off guard by her intrusion upon his little island.

Topaz turned off the device, having evidently completed whatever it was she was doing and looked up, she smiled slightly upon noticing him, and confidently made her way towards him, she took a vacant seat beside Aventurine, and Numby simply floated beside her.

‘’I’ll have a crimson saucer, oh also, one galaxy ranger please’’ she told the bartender, who immediately started mixing the drinks, in a show of finesse and talent, manipulating the ingredients of both drinks at the same , each with a single hand ,they ended their show by mixing both drinks in the same mixer, and pouring them out in succession.

The drinks were then presented to Topaz and Numby, who were visibly impressed.

The crimson saucer , called as such because of how the foam the red liquid contains takes the shape of a saucer, is an alcoholic drink with a fruity flavor, the white over striking red creating a beautiful picture, topped with the simple but elegant slice of silverberry, the galaxy ranger on the other hand, named after a galaxy ranger that had gotten lost and wandered into the bar , apparently leaving a strong impression upon the owner, was a strong drink ,purple liquid with a white line slashing it in half , red particles could be seen floating in it, like flower petals gently swaying in the abyss, as if they came from the slash itself, the drink emanated dark haze, like something sinister, yet its flavor was as gentle as sleep, which was what most of those who drank it experienced right after it entered their bodies, as this drink had a track record of being too much for some.

Topaz held the glass of crimson saucer in her hand, while Numby was sipping? From a twisted red straw in the shape of a flower, Aventurine found the whole arrangement rather ludicrous, but he supposed the body of a trotter interacted with certain things differently.

For his part though, he preferred ‘’Golden slumber’’, a drink that contained alcohol, honey, and citrus, simple, but beautiful all the same, it looked like a sunset, the bottom was a deep violet that gave way to a brilliant gold at the top, the rim of the glass incrusted with some substance , possibly sugar or salt, so that it looked as though it was inlaid with gems, and tasted just as wonderfully as it looked , Aventurine was by no means a lightweight, but he was more partial to savoring the flavors of a drink rather than attempting to pass out.

Topaz broke the silence by putting her elbow on the counter, drink in hand, and turning to face him, she mockingly said ‘’So, come here often?’’

‘’Topaz, to what do I owe the pleasure?’’ he answered sarcastically.

‘’Nothing important, just came to check on you before the big mission, touch base and all’’ she replied, adding ‘’ and you better wipe that look off your face’’ she pointed at him with the hand that held her drink, he smile had become an annoyed frown.

‘’ Well, there’s no need for that, we’ve already gone through what, thirty meetings? I can recite the plan in my sleep now” he sighed” and if you’re still worried about your little jewel, there’s nothing to do , orders are orders and all that” Numby let out a grunt, Topaz grabbed them and started petting the agitation out of them, evidently they had already went through their drink, Aventurine measure of Numby had changed.

“First of all, I know what your plans amount to” she raised her fingers at the words plans, and continued” and second of all, I’m not worried about that thing” the thing in question being her cornerstone, her expression turned serious” I don’t use it that often, not that I like to, and if anything happened to it, Diamond would just make me a new one at some point” she let out a little laugh” not before making me work for it though, I’m worried about you dumbass” saying this , she looked at him, and he felt small under her eyes.

The words knocked him off balance for a second , his fiddled with his hands before covering himself with an unreadable smirk” just do your part , and I’ll do mine” he stuttered through the words more than he would’ve liked to.

“ugh, you know, just cuz you technically outrank me right now, doesn’t mean you have to be such a pain in the ass about it” she let Numby jump off her lap , sensing it was time to leave , they were ready to move out.

“At least you’re working with Ratio, he’ll probably keep you out of trouble” she rummaged in her pockets for her phone” although knowing you two, things might get out of control, is it too late to convince the family to let me in with you?” this she said with none of the conviction of expecting a real answer, the family is suspicious at best of the IPC, that they managed to get Aventurine in was already quite the deal.

“I can take care of myself” Aventurine said, exasperated” and Ratio would rather throw chalk at my head   than work with me, so I imagine he’ll be very enthusiastic about this” he rolled his eyes.

“That may be true” she chuckled “but you know, he cares about you, we both do”

At this Aventurine‘s eyes widened, yet he smile remained “yeah sure”

Topaz frowned, then there was a shine in her eyes, she had an idea.

“ Wanna bet , then?”

“What??”

“Let’s bet on it” Topaz explained “if it’s heads, I’ll pay for the drinks, if its tails, you pay and you have to admit that we care about you”

“You sure you want to gamble with me?” his cup was empty, he supposed he could go for another golden slumber.

“The drinks aren’t that expensive” they were, but both of them were rich, so it didn’t particularly matter who paid, the second part of that bet that concerned Aventurine.

Aventurine used a chip he keeps on him for spontaneous bets such as these, it was his lucky chip, he played with it for a bit, to Topaz’s annoyance, he then flipped it and held it in his closed palm, of course he knew how to achieve desirable outcomes when it came to betting, but he supposed it was only fair to, well, play it fair in this instance.

Before he could reveal his hand however, Topaz went ahead and paid for the drinks, and his second cup of golden slumber was served.

He looked at her baffled “I just thought, whether or not I win you probably won’t admit anything, might as well save myself the trouble”, she put her hand on his shoulder as she was leaving and uttered words that knocked the wind out of him for the second time that night “See you on the field, Kakavasha” and she disappeared with the hum of the doorbell.

The chip landed on Tails.

[niseag-arts]

Artemis lore dump

I'm doing these now appearently (this one is going to be funky because there's two distinct versions of artemis. I will give you the one that most closely follows 40K canon) >Artemis B-20-A

Origin: Artemis was created by Archmagos Biologis Hieronymous XIV of forgeworld Repleator. They were vat grown based on Hieronymous' own DNA. Artemis does not know this, Hieronymous has not told them, and there is not enough flesh left on the archmagos for physical similarities to show up. Hieronymous also does not treat Artemis like his child, but rather like a promising apprentice. Hieronymous, personally, does not see artemis as his offspring either, more like a project. but that's for a hieronymous loredump if we ever get to that. Artemis is a psyker of some variety, though not in a way that the imerium really knows what to do with. They have an uncanny affinity for machinery, to the point where they can influence the machines around them with mere thought, unaided by augmentation. The leading hypothesis/belief along the techpriests around Artemis is that Artemis has absorbed (part of) the machine spirit of the vat they were grown in, changing the way the young adept has developed. History: Artemis was lab-grown and enrolled in the mechanicus from the moment they drew their first breath. Their creator (Hieronymous) did not interfere with their early life, instead handing Artemis over to a vat-priest to be raised among vat-born skitarii. Thus that is how they were raised until they were 6, and could officially become an acolyte of the cult mechanicus. They started their training by following around low-ranking techpriests and helping them out in whatever way a 6-year-old can, spending free time wandering Repleator's bio-forges... and nicking fruits from the machines, to relish in how much better they tasted than the Skitarii rations they were brought up with. The forgemaster was aware of this, and would occasionally scold the little thief, but other times he would pretend not to see the small child nestled in between the processing machines, and the sticky handprints all around the forge. At night they would still be with the vatpriest and whichever of their skitarii brethren had not been deployed yet. I should probably point out that the relationship between artemis and the skitarii has always been strained, due to the undeniable differences between them. As Artemis grew up more and more, Hieronymous became more and more present in their life as well, acting as a teacher and officially agreeing to tutoring the "promising young adept" around the time Artemis turned 12. This is also around the time artemis recieved their first augmentation, a mechadendrite, after begging for it excessively. From there, Artemis has been Hieronymous' loyal student, alert and devoted to the cause. they have also moved into Hieronymous quarters, where they live and sleep most of the time. Their unique abilities being helpful, but not in a way that stands out to the others. After a few years, however, artemis requested a private sanctum, which was granted. This request came from how overwhelming it was for Artemis to be surrounded by machines at all times, while artemis loves to hear what they describe as "the omnissiah's song", and to sense the machine spirits around, sometimes a human wants some peace and quiet. On orders of Hieronymous, a small room was furnished with an altar and prayer mats, as well as a simple bed, for Artemis to use. It is far away from the main forges, tucked into a corner near some rooms mostly used for meetings and consultation, but it is perfect for Artemis' needs. A note on personality: Artemis is extremely devoted to the Omnissiah, which is only strengthened by their affinity for machinery. However, they are not as inclined to "righteous violence" as one might expect. Rather, Artemis considers themself to be a scholar first and foremost, in all matters, and is likely approach situations with curiosity rather than outright judgement. That said, xenos and chaos are very scary and artemis does not want to be caught at the wrong end of someone else's gun, so when these things come up they might mask their distrust and fear with snide remarks and rudeness. as always, feel free to ask things if you wanna!

[borderlinedolly]

Child Parts Are Not Real Children

Littles (also known as child parts) are dissociated parts of the individual's personality. While they present and may even act younger, they are still the brain's age.

Littles are not one size fits all. Some might be able to understand complex (or "adult" topics) and therefore hold the ability to consent (yes, even to sex), while some might act like children and process information that mirrors their age, which inhibits their ability to consent. At that point, it's less safe to allow them to make their own decisions, sexual or not.

In general, in order to heal, child parts need to grow up. This does not mean that they should be forced to do so or need to be treated a certain way. How littles are treated, and what they are allowed to engage in is up to their system and the little themself.

Back to littles and consent when it comes to relationships and sexual activity (because that's probably the only thing you processed from this whole post). Consent is not age dependent. In order to consent, the person must be able to affirm personal boundaries, understand what they're agreeing to, must be enthusiastic to consent, non-coerced & not under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

"But it's dangerous!" I never said it wasn't, that's why there are safety percussions in place. We personally teach our littles about "adult" topics so that they're able to navigate them when fronting. This does not just mean sex and relationships, but also how to handle conflict and difficult situations.

We allow our littles to grow up at their own pace while helping them process trauma. Engaging in relationships and sexual activity with trusted individuals can be beneficial for them in our experience. Of course, it isn't the same for all systems, and as they say, "each to their own." How you treat your littles is your business.

[whisperingwisterias]

Wandering Son and Gender Identity

Wandering Son is probably the most controversial anime we’ve watched in this class so far. It is a study of gender exploration and how it is viewed within society, but most of all it asks the question “what is gender, and how does it relate to my identity?”

The show follows Nitori, a kid who was born a boy but wants to be a girl instead and is trying to figure out how to comfortably express themself. Right away it is shown that they aren’t super comfortable presenting themself as being masculine, saying that the male uniforms feel suffocating. Instead, it is shown that they are most comfortable when they express their gender in feminine ways. They adopt feminine behaviors and mannerisms, find happiness in trying on their sister’s feminine clothes, enjoy being called cute, want beautiful skin like their female friends, and find freedom in cross-dressing.  In the first episode they ask themself “what are little girls made of?” wondering what really defines them as being a boy or a girl: is it the way they are born, like society tries to say, or is it simply how they express themself? As the show goes on, they become more confident of their answer to this question and of their identity, which is demonstrated when people have no trouble seeing them as a girl when they are unaware that they were a boy first. 

However, it is when society is aware of this fact that we see the huge double standard that is present when it comes to the issue of gender. From the beginning, girls expressing themselves in masculine ways is seen as cool and impressive, but a friend of Nitori, when hearing that they want to go to school dressed as a girl, reminds them that they’ll just be seen as a pervert instead. The class itself presents a very obvious double standard, similar to the issue that Genshiken addressed in which women accepted gay men in fiction but not in reality: although they make jokes about a female student actually being a boy because of her looks and are enthusiastic about performing a gender-bending play, when they are confronted with the reality of Nitori’s gender, they react with disgust and scorn. And although the authorities let Yoshiro and Chi get away with wearing male uniforms, they send Nitori to the school nurse and call their parents when they show up to school in a female uniform. The authorities, while also seeming accepting at first at the idea that Nitori feels more comfortable expressing themself femininely, start accusing and blaming things for being a bad influence on Nitori when they actually see them cross dress. Their parents blame their sister for dressing them in girls outfits when they were little kids and the teachers at school blame the gender bending play, both of them considering Nitori’s gender identity as a mistake in their upbringing and circumstances rather than part of who they are.

In the end, I think Wandering Son expresses many of the struggles that the youth of today face regarding their identity and how they fight to be perceived by others. To figure out what one’s true identity looks like is a difficult thing, and gender is just one representation of it, but I think what Wandering Son really teaches is that at the end of the day, our identity doesn't change just because society disapproves of it.

[whatsthisascianbullshit]

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

Thank you @tallbluelady

Muireann is pretty comfortable in her own skin in terms of broadly speaking knowing who she is and not feeling the need to hide large chunks of her personality or appearance. She does change how she presents herself and tones down certain aspects (usually the glee at opportunities to learn more lost magic arts or destroy things in new, more explosive ways) of herself depending on the company. She's not going to talk about her extensive line of sex toys in the middle of a fancy dinner in Ishgard.

She does, very much, have a beast living inside of her though. There is a shard of Bahamut's primal that fused itself to her soul when she was clearing the Binding Coils. Every time she channels the dreadwyrm's power (or is sufficiently angered) it is actively trying to temper her. Sometime after HW she picks up warrior and Bahamut serves as her inner beast and it's through those techniques that she manages to exert some self-control over it. She spent the entire time after the Vault ignoring it, while she had the blessing of light to protect her, she had seen it be stripped from Match.

Knowing that the only protection she had could be wrested away from her in the blink of an eye and subsequently seeing Estinien fall under Nidhogg's influence really shook her to her core. Even when she's mastered control of her inner beast and has learned to not be nails-on-chalkboard in the chorus, it's still something she has nightmares about.

Not so nice OC asks

[rachelsnotebook]

Early Thoughts from the Digital World

Digimon Survive is a visual novel with an added tactics RPG mechanic sprinkled on top. This is an insanely cool fusion for an IP that I love dearly. And I desperately want to see more games like this in the future!

Now, since Digimon Survive is densely packed with a story I don't want to rush or spoil, this will be a first thoughts piece.

Don't worry, there's still a lot to praise and talk about. Digimon Survive presents itself in a really cool way.

The presentation

It's visually stunning! Between the choices, cut scenes, and anime-like intro sequence, the player will feel like an active participant within an actual Digimon anime.

And for me personally, that was one of the coolest emotions a video game has ever sparked within my soul.

Save Slots and Choice System

Digimon Survive is made to be played again, and again, and again. The choices you're presented with play into the morality system, and your bonds to the other characters will be influenced here.

Down the road these choices add up and decide who lives, who dies, and which ending you've fallen into.

Luckily, to accommodate this branching story the game offers tons of save file slots. So if you're like me and enjoy exploring the various options all at once, you can freely do that too.

The UI and little details

The menus and maps are clear, organized, and simply a joy to look at. They're framed as being viewed through the cell phone of the playable character. And I have to say, that there's a really nice flow to that idea. It fits really well!

The main menu changes to reflect how many characters you've found, and I've heard that it also changes when characters die.

That simple design choice makes the journey feel special. I'm definitely a fan of it!

Another simple design choice I adored immediately was this pop up:

As someone who impulsively presses buttons too much, I appreciated this quick pause. No more missing cut scenes. No more frustration. Just a quick, safety net.

The backlog

Digimon Survive is broken up into episodes, and with a whole lot of story to keep in mind, the backlog becomes vital. This mechanic lets the player familiarize themself with where they left off in the story. It doesn't cover the entirety of the save file, but it does allow the player to read more than you'd expect.

Life is messy and busy, and there's never enough hours in a day. So I'm hugely behind this mechanic. More games need something like this, so you don't have to restart a file from scratch because it's been six months since you last picked it up.

This piece has been reworked for this posting, but originally posted on August 26th, 2022 at rachelsnotebook.wixsite.com