#how many times am i gonna tag the same thing just rewritten a little

[goodgriefbroletmepickausername]

one singular Qi drawing :3c

i'll post because stardew is getting a big wave of popularity atm teehee

the reason he is hatless is because of some lore pertiaining to my oc that i really don't feel like explaining right now cause it'd take forever

[theshadowrealmitself]

Cult of the lamb spoilers

I really love the god x cult leader dynamic (I even have a post somewhere on my blog talking about an original story with that idea, that I’ll hopefully get around to writing eventually)

But a dynamic I hadn’t considered before but am now obsessed with is shunned past cult leader x new cult leader

Your god is chained up and relying on you (why you, was it because you were avoiding death? was it because you were desperate?) so you try, but ultimately, you fail, your cult is barely even a cult, definitely not even recognizable as one

So it makes sense you’d get replaced

Your replacement is straight out of a prophecy, and it’s that prophecy that brought them close to being sacrificed (made them desperate, so they accepted the crown, a self fulfilling prophecy perhaps?) before they accepted being a cult leader

You show them how to do things, invite them to your place to play a game whenever they want, you don’t live at the new cult (but you’re still loyal? you must be, you haven’t been killed, why haven’t you been killed?), but you can still tell it’s going well

This new one, your replacement, they don’t walk like they feel the weight of others whispering about them being a terrible follower (they don’t walk like you), they don’t look haggard, and it seems like they actually thrive more and more each time you see them, the crown fits them well

Maybe you weren’t the best follower, the best cult leader, but you’re still here so you must’ve been the most loyal, maybe you weren’t someone saved before a tragedy, maybe you were someone who joined completely willingly (maybe that’s why you never had the drive to get better), so you stay in your little shack, separate from your god’s cult, but still faithfully praying every day and generating devotion

Then one day, your mentee, the one you trained, the one who surpassed you, the one who still visits you even though so many others only give your name a passing thought when they want to look down on something (the one who only wanted to live), visits you

And you find out they killed your god

And replaced them

Are you still loyal? To the god who now lives as a follower, not even a cult leader, or are you loyal to the cult itself, whose doctrine has been rewritten by this “new” god? Someone who used to be on the same level as you, someone who tore apart several gods just to stay alive? (If you aren’t loyal to them, do you dare to make that known?) What happens to you now? Does it even matter? You just stay at your shack, continue praying to your statue, playing with your friends, and sometimes you’ll play a game with your replacement that became a god (nothing changes for you, did none of it matter, or did you just not matter?)

Maybe you resent them, for being better than you, for having the ability to free your god and not doing it, for replacing your god and turning them into a low level follower

Or maybe you’re okay with this, maybe you never really wanted this job in the first place, maybe you always liked them, and praying at the statue (their statue now) isn’t just a chore, but something you look forward to

Anyways none of that was really about the romance itself, but I just thought it had a cool dynamic and a lot you could do with it, and exploring it romantically would be fun, and I thought that was gonna be popular

But then I finally went into the tag and it turns out a lot of people consider Ratau to be like an adoptive parent to the Lamb (apparently if you go the route I’d sacrificing Ratau, you find a letter afterwards in the shack that kinda implies it, but I still think it’s kinda open ended, also you really don’t see too much on screen mentoring from Ratau, it was v quick and then most of them meeting up is to play that game)

So yeah, new dynamic I love, but so far haven’t seen it explored anywhere

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[connordavidscamera]

Living, Learning, and Filming Ch. 6 | Connor Brashier

A/n: once again rewritten, do I really need to put that in here anymore?

Summary: Some things can’t stay the same.

Warnings: kinda angsty

Word count: 1.6k

***

Week 6

“Venti earl grey tea, two sugars, just the way you like it,” Connor says, setting the cup in front of me while I type away on my keys, trying to finish my economics assignment before we start going through the most recent footage.

“Thank you, you’re an angel.”

“Your angel,” he corrects me. 

“Mine?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that so?”

“Sure. Sounds fitting, no?”

I hum in response, and look back at my screen. He sits there, fiddling with his phone in hands but never opening it to scroll through anything, just playing with the case, taking it on and off. “You seem bored,” I observe.

“No, not with you. Never with you.”

“I’m almost done, I promise. I just have two more questions.”

“Don't worry about it. Take your time. It’s more time I get to spend with you.”

“You’re cheesy, Brashier.”

“Yeah, well, who’s fault is that?” He questions, tilting his head to the side, raising his eyebrows at me. 

“Don’t you go blaming me for your cheesiness. I didn’t put the words in your mouth and tell you to speak them.”

“Y/n?” he says after a couple minutes.

“What?” I look up at him, ignoring the problem in front of me. 

“Have I told you today that you look really pretty?”

I bite the inside of my lip, “Shut up.”

“What? It’s true. This color looks good on you,” he mumbles, reaching across the table to play with the sleeve of my light blue sweater.

“Well thank you,” I say after a minute. “That compliment alone could get you extra kisses on the way back to your place.”

“God, how many do I have to give for a repeat of last week?”

I can’t help but blush. “I don’t know, Con. We’ll see.”

“We’ll see?”

I smirk, “If you’re a good boy, yeah, you might get a little something.”

“Fuck,” he takes a sip of his coffee - which he only drinks with sugar and the tiniest splash of milk, I’ve found out. A strange man, this one is. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?”

“And that’s what makes this fun,” I shrug.

---

“Hey, Brian,” I say as I walk into the apartment behind Connor.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Bri, what did you say you wanted - oh. Hey,” Shawn comes into view and I force a smile. I haven’t seen him since he asked me out.

“Hey,” I say back, Connor throws him a piece sign and a simple nod before taking my hand. 

“We’re going to my room to edit, don’t bother us for the next three hours,” he says, walking us away from the boys.

“He means to say please and thank you, just so you know,” I call out as he continues to pull me with him.

“No, I don’t,” he shakes his head.

“Quit being a dick or I’m going home,” I say, which results in laughter from Brian and Shawn. 

“Yeah, tell him y/n.” Brian exclaims. 

“Fuck off, Brian!” Connor yells, shutting his bedroom door behind us with a huff. 

“You okay, pretty boy?” I ask, setting my bag down next to his desk. 

His hands find my waist and he sighs, resting his forehead on mine. “Shawn’s here,” he says, a slight edge to his voice. 

“Yeah. Is that not okay? I thought you guys were friends.”

“Well, yeah, but.”

“But what?” I push his hair back, out of his face.

“He asked you out, y/n.”

“Okay? I said no. I told you that.”

“I know, it’s just… he asked you out,” he responds again.

“Why is that bothering you so much?”

“Because I,” he stops himself with a shake of his head. “Never mind. I’m just being dumb.”

“Connor, come on. Talk to me.”

“No, it’s nothing. Let’s just get to work, okay? We have so much to edit before Friday. I want to get it done while we can.”

I sigh but nod, deciding not to push, “Okay, sure.”

We edit for a while, stopping here and there for a drink or to rest our eyes from all the straining we’re doing staring at the small screen for so long. “Where’d you get this necklace?” I ask, playing with the small palm tree adorning his neck, turning my head to get a better look. 

“Palm tree crew. Why?”

I shrug, “I like it. It’s very fitting for you, Mr. Laguna Beach.”

He chuckles, “Thanks.” He takes my hand and pulls me closer, into his lap. “Kisses?”

I hum, placing my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance, “We have to get back to work.”

“One kiss won’t kill us, right?”

“Connor…” I shake my head. I don’t know why I’m doing it, pushing him away. I don’t want to. Because let’s face it, last week, in my room? That was one of the best days of my life. So can someone tell me why I’m trying not to be with him that way again?

“Okay, okay. Later?” he asks, pressing his lips into my shoulder, and then on the underside of my jaw. I hum. He’s ruining me completely. He’s ruining me and I’m getting attached. 

“I know the effect I have on people. I’m pretty sure you’ll fall for me by the time this is over.”

Fuck him for being right.

“If this is a game, you should know that I never lose.”

It’s a game. A game. It’s not real.

“How funny. I don’t either.”

I whine as I pull away. “I should get home.”

“What? Why?” he reaches for me while I start to remove myself from him.

“I just have a lot of homework to do. I have a test on Thursday, I really should study for it.”

“Study here,” he tries to reason, but I shake my head and start putting my stuff in my bag. 

“I can’t. I don’t have my notes.”

“Y/n, what’s going on? Talk to me, baby.”

“Please,” I sigh. “Don’t call me that. Can I please, please just go home?” I throw my bag over my shoulder.

His eyebrows furrow, but he nods anyway. “Okay. Yeah. But are we okay?”

“We’re fine.”

“Then why won’t you kiss me?” I question.

I sigh, “Can we not do this right now? I just don’t feel like being super affectionate right now.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

I ignore his words and open his bedroom door.

“Y/n. What’s wrong? Did I do something? Because if I did, then I’m sorry.”

“No, Connor, you didn’t do anything.”

“Did I say something?” And when I don’t answer, he has his. “What did I say?” He asks, both of us seemingly ignoring the two boys sitting on the couch getting a free show. “Baby, please.”

“Stop calling me that,” I groan.

“Why? That’s you. That’s your name! You’re my baby. That’s who you’ve always been. I don’t get it. What’s happening right now?”

“The name doesn’t mean anything, this doesn’t mean anything because this is all fake!” I burst.

He takes a step back, “What?”

“You made it very clear from the beginning that this was a game. I was stupid to agree to this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t lose,” I cross my arms over my chest. “That’s what you told me, right? So what? You’ve been waiting for me to fall first? Is that it? What do you get out of it? What’s the point of having someone fall for you if you’re not gonna fall too? What is the point of all this? Just some stupid grade, because I’d honestly rather fail!”

“You think I’m not falling for you? You think I haven’t been since the first time we met? You think I memorized your Starbucks order, or went to pick you up from a party when a guy was a little too handsy, or let you steal half of my closet, or told you some of the most intimate details of my life because I wasn’t in love with you? I wouldn’t do that for anyone else. I wouldn’t and you know why? Because I’m fucking in love with you.” he runs his hands through his messy hair. “There. I said it. Are you happy? I’m in love with you and I don’t know how to handle it, but I know that I don’t want to. I want to feel this for as long as I possibly can.”

I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you.

I never lose.

Game. Game. Game.

I bite my tongue. Y/n don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it. “You’re not in love with me.” You said it. Of course you fucking did.

“How the fuck do you know? Did you not hear a word I just said to you?”

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Because I haven’t lied to you! I haven’t thought about anything else but you since I met you. And especially not since last week. Jesus, I could never think about anything else after that.”

“Connor.”

“I’m in love with you.”

I shut my eyes tight and exhale deeply, “Stop saying that.”

“No!  I can’t. I won’t. Not until you tell me that you’re not in love with me too.”

I sigh, running my hands over my face. I can’t tell him. I can’t do this. Not now. “I can’t do this right now, Connor.”

“And when do you think you’ll be able to? Because whether you like it or not, I am in love with you and we still have six weeks to do this project.”

“I know,” I mumble, looking down at my shoes.

“You know,” he repeats. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“No, Con-”

“It’s fine. I’ll take you home. Come on.”

“Connor, wait.” I want to tell him. I do, but I -

“I am waiting. And I will be until you’re ready.”

I’m not ready yet.

***

I hope you enjoyed! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

Permanent tag: @soyalimoncada-blog @magcon7280 @homeofpoetry @fallinallincurls @goldenflickerx  @myyohmyuohmyy @harry-hollands @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @baroness-alison @lostinmendess @linanilssonfurberg @luvluvxx @mariamuses @shawnieeboyy @divinginfearlessly @mendesficsxbombay @shawnsthighs @zaahidahhh @adelaidestreets @shawnandconnor @shawnsblue @turtoix @honestlyimstilllivinginthe90s @gangofhoes @verlaneswiftie13

[gerudosage-a]

UPDATING & ARCHIVING.

well lads, it’s been a fair bit since i’ve been here & been here properly, hasn’t it ?

i’m gonna be real with you - i don’t like talking about my personal life, more specifically my personal problems, on my rp blogs. i prefer to keep my hobbies & my mental health separate, & honestly, you guys aren’t here for me to just dump all of that on ! so i was pretty vague about things when my mental health started to take a downswing & started to impact my creativity & my ability to write for the past … while. i don’t know how long it’s been, honestly - the pandemic has fucked with my sense of time enough without depression getting in on the action. i can only apologize for that, & for how many people i left in the lurch, it wasn’t my intention at all, but hobbies tend to be the first thing to go for me when i’m in a period of bad depression, & discord wasn’t far behind, so i’m so sorry if you reached out to me & didn’t get a response over the last while, it’s not because of anything you said or did, the blame lies entirely with me.

with that said, things have started to look up again, in the sense that the worst of this period seems to be over, & honestly ? although i should have given you all more warning, stepping back from tumblr for a while was good, i think, & it really recharged my creative batteries ! i would’ve been back earlier, but i uhhhhhh fulfilled a childhood dream of mine & got my hands on a drum kit within the last month & honestly, i’ve been putting a lot of time & energy into learning how to play them at the minute, & i’m having a fucking blast doing it ! can’t actually play anything yet, but we’ll get there when we get there !

but as fun as the drums have been, i’m ready to get back to writing ! i’ve missed it all, really, & being back on the dash for e3 was just great, honestly, it was nice to see this little corner of the rpc go slightly feral over the second botw 2 trailer :’) i wanted to take a moment before coming back to get all my ducks in a row & tidy up this blog, but between the two tagging systems i have, the amount of personal blogs in my notifications ( especially since e3, which is honestly my fault, but still a little annoying ) & just general inactivity, i think i would prefer a change.

so, this blog is now an archive ! nabooru can be found at the same url at the new & improved version of gerudosage dot hell, which i took some time to spruce up ! my rules have been refreshed & rewritten, as has nabooru’s biography ! for those who are unfamiliar with the canon of the zelda series, i’ve set up a lore tab which they can have a read of, as well as little sections within detailing just what, exactly, applies to nabooru, so they know where things stand with her. i’ve also completely re - done my verses, adding a few new ones that i’ve mentioned on the blog before, but never got around to before my brain temporarily turned to sludge.

so, that’s that, really ! nabooru has gotten a revamp, & honestly, i’m hoping to do the same with my other blogs too, as they all fell by the wayside when the Big Sad kicked in. i’d like to be optimistic & say that i’ll have hylianremnants completely ready to go for the skyward sword hd release, but i’m not going to rush myself on it - i can write sky without it being completely finished, & it will be ready when it’s ready ! & the same goes for fabletold, which, as much as i love it, the characters & the plots i have, was just an unfortunately timed blog ! they’ll both be making a comeback, for sure, but at the moment, my main focus is going to be nabooru again. so, that’s what’s happening ! i want to thank everyone who’s been so patient & lovely to me over the past couple of months, & everyone who’s been writing with me since this blog was first made. every single one of you are absolute stars, & i really hope to see you on the other side !

( also, if anyone is giving out medals for writing up fifty verse summaries, i am accepting.  )

much love, guys, & thank you all again ♡

[faejilly]

I was tagged by @la-muerta​ & @facialteeth​ & @thedivinemissema​ for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN  by @shadoedseptmbr​ @msviolacea​ & @ravenclawnerd​ for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic  au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

[iwillsinkwithmyships]

Spoilers

Inspired by Doctor Who “Forest of the Dead” 

AO3 

1942.

He’d been sent back in time to 1942.

Tony had found himself in a number of different difficult situations before, but this one took the cake. 

Like many of bad situations in his life, this was all Reed Richard’s fault. He had asked Tony to consult in a time traveling machine, and in an effort to avoid dinosaurs to attacking New York he’d agreed. All he’d seen was a flash of blue light and then he’d been standing in Nazi Germany during WWII where he’d been found by The Howling Commandoes. 

So far it had been a pretty awkward affair. First he’d had to somehow prove that he was not a Nazi, meet his father - who just happened to be younger than Tony right now - and look into the eyes of Captain America before his 70 year long chilly nap. It took some time but he somehow managed to convince them that he was in fact from the future, but since the technology he needed to get back to his time doesn’t still exist he’s been traveling with Steve and his team in search of tech scraps to help him build his own time machine.  

If Tony was being honest, it had been one of the hardest things he’d ever experience. Seeing the man he loved not recognize him hurt something deep within him. This Steve Rogers didn’t trust Tony very much and had only allowed Tony to join the Commandos because he’d been ordered to. 

This Steve Rogers was also in love with someone else. 

It was hard to miss the loving looks exchanged by Steve and Barnes, the way the two of them just gravitated towards each other, the way that Barnes looked as if Steve had hung the moon and stars and the way Steve would burn the world for Bucky Barnes. 

So yeah, not a fun adventure for Tony, and things only seemed to get worse. 

“Rhodes!” Barnes barked his fake name, “we have a bomb that seems to run on the same energy as those Hydra guns. If this detonates god knows what it would do.  We need a way to shut it down.” 

“If that thing goes off it could destroy all of Europe.” Tony worried and began thinking of everything he knew about the tesseract. He needed to shut it down. “Perhaps it could be shut down by using one of the guns and using it to penetrate the force field and using it the bomb to destroy itself, but that would very likely cause the person doing it to be caught in the blast. Not a large blast but the proximity would cause someone to get caught on the crossfire. Plus we would need something to kickstart it.” Tony rambled, he needed to fix this. There was no way he was letting Steve died in the 1940s. Without ever having met him. 

“Steve! Wait!” Barnes howled. Tony’s heart dropped as he saw Steve run into the base. 

“Steve! What is he doing?!” he demanded. Barnes gritted his teeth and continued shooting.

“He’s being and idiot. Cover me, I need to go after him.” 

“What, no!” Tony grabbed his tools and a weapon, “you stay here. I am going to send him back out here and take a closer look at the bomb and try and stop it from blowing up.”

“Rhodes! You are a civilian. Stay here, I’ll get him.”

“No! Someone has to stop this, and neither of you would leave the other behind. Stay here, I’ll send him out.” And with that he ran after Steve. 

“Mr. Rhodes,” Steve said when he came running in, “what are you doing here? You need to get out, go!”

“No! YOU need to get out of here.” 

“I am trying to stop this bomb from blowing up us all up.”

“I’ll have better luck at this than you. Please leave and let me take care of this.”

“Why? Because you are from the future?” and you could hear the disbelief in his voice, “I am sorry Mr. Rhodes but this is on me. This is my job.” 

“Jesus Christ Steve! I get it, I am a stranger and you don’t trust me, but why would I want to blow this us all up? Please! Leave and let me deal with this bomb.” 

“Is not a matter of trust, I need to stop this, and I am a lot more durable than anyone else. Now get out.”

“May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn’t live a day without you” 

Steve froze where he stood and slowly turned back to face Tony who walked closer to him.

“What? Where did you hear that?” his face was pale and his jaw clenched. 

“Steve, one day I am going to be someone you trust. Completely. But I can’t wait for you to find that out. So I’m going to prove it to you, and I am sorry. I am really very sorry.” Tony pulled at the chain around his neck and showed him.

“Those…those are my dog tags…and my…my father’s ring. Where did you get this?” he thundered. Tony pulled them back to his chest.

“You still have yours, probably around your neck, or Barnes to be honest. But these here? These are mine. You gave them to me. In 2014.”

“What? That’s.. that’s impossible.”

“Then how come I know your parents’ vows.” Steve paled further and Tony took his moment of hesitation to do what he needed to do. 

He activated his watch gauntlet and knocked Steve out. Like hell he was letting him die here. Steve remained unconscious while he place super soldier handcuffs on him, nanotech, and began working on getting the bomb deactivated. 

By the time Steve began waking up again, Tony had already hooked up the  gun and the arc reactor in his chest to the bomb and pulled out his phone.

“Auto-destruct in two minutes.” FRIDAY warned from his phone. 

“Oh, no, no, no! What are you doing? That's my job.” Steve yelled. 

“What, I'm not allowed to have a career, I suppose?” he snarked back. 

“Why am I handcu- Why do you even have handcuffs?”

“Spoilers.”

“This is not a joke. Stop this now. This is gonna kill you! I'll have a chance, you don't have any!”

“You wouldn't have a chance and neither do I! I'm timing it for the end of the countdown. There'll be a blip in the power flow. That way it should improve our chances of a clean shut down.”

“Tony, please, no!”

“Funny thing is, this means you've always known how I was going to die. All the time we've been together, you knew I was coming here. The last time I saw you - the real you, the future you, I mean - you turned up on our doorstep with a new haircut and a suit. You took me to SHIELD’s Helicarrier to see the New York skyline. Oh, what a night that was. The city was safe… and you cried.”

“Auto-destruct in one minute.” FRIDAY said. 

“You wouldn't tell me why, but I suppose you knew it was time - my time, time for this little trip. You even gave me your dog tags to keep safe, even though you weren’t going on a mission, that should have been a clue.” The dog tags and ring laid on Tony’s chest, and Steve struggled to break free from his bonds. 

“There's nothing you can do.” Tony said sorrowfully. 

“Let me do this!”

“If you die here, it'll mean I've never met you.”

“Time can be rewritten!”

“Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay, it's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.”

“Tony you know those vows,”

“Auto-destruct in 10…"

“And you wear my dog tags and my father’s ring.”

“...9, 8, 7, 6…” Tony played with his phone, looking at the last pictures he had of him and his husband. Because that may be Steve tied to that pole, but HIS Steve, his husband, the love of his life, was 80 years in the future. 

“There's only one reason I would ever tell anyone those vows, and give them that ring…”

“…5..."

“There's only one way I could…"

“…4..."

“Hush, now.” Tony consoled.

“...3, 2…"

“Spoilers.”

“…1"

There is a flash of bright light, and when Steve opens his eyes back up, Tony and the bomb are both gone. 

“Steve! Stevie!” Bucky calls out as he runs into the room.

“…I’m here.”

“What happened?” Bucky shoots the handcuffs and they fall off. 

“He’s gone. He sacrificed himself.”

“Oh. You alright?” Steve turns to look at him, gray eyes stare back at him and Steve debates telling him everything. Because Tony had known his parent’s vows, and he had his dog tags and his father’s ring. The same ring that he knows is safe back in his room, just like he knows Bucky wears his dog tags and his mother’s ring hanging from his neck. 

“Yeah, I’m just sorry I didn’t get to know who he really was.”

———NEW YORK CITY, 2020———

Everything hurt.

He could hear a faint beeping coming from the his left side, that he really wish would stop. He groaned and tried to shut whatever that was, but his hand was being held by another one. Slowly he tried to open his eyes and met a harsh bright ceiling. He blinked slowly and tried to get his thoughts in order. The last thing he remembered was…the Hydra base…Steve…the bomb…Steve…

He gasped. The hand holding his squeeze it. He turned to find Steve beside him a tearful smile in his face. 

“Hello, Sweetheart.”

[ecoamerica]

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[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: PMMM Rebellion - Part 4

Y’know, it’s really interesting how well this movie is working as a Watch. I was worried that there wouldn’t really be good stopping points, but like q_3 said at the beginning it does feel like there are these climaxes every 15 minutes or so. I could definitely see this as a proper followup series to PMMM. Looking forward to where it goes next!

After her pronouncement that the setting is a Witch’s Labyrinth, Homura enters some sort of underground passage, expositing on what Witches are to whoever decided to watch this movie without seeing the show first. Honestly I’m not sure if they’d be any more confused than me by what’s going on now. Still so many unanswered questions: When is this taking place? How did the girls get trapped in this Labyrinth? When did Charlotte get so powerful?

Oh, an answer to the first question! Homura’s thinking that “it all ended when one girl sacrificed herself, breaking the cruel cycle of hope and despair. (Still in awe of Madoka's DM-Dethroning wish). But if this is the post-Goddess!Madoka world, then what’s going on? Why have all the girls lost their memories? Well, moreso than before. I mean, when Madoka Ascended Homura was the only one to remember her, everyone else forgot her, even her family. So…

So…

Madoka? What… Did you…

I’m… gonna table that thought for now.

Moving on, Homura’s thinking about how someone is trying to implant false memories. On that note, can I say I’m impressed with the idea of having this movie be set in a Labyrinth? As Homura’s been waking up, things have gotten more and more outlandish, it looks amazing to see Mitakihara City slowly morphing into this crazy architectural mishmash. Regardless of whoever is behind this, it’s going to lead to some stupendous scenes later on, I can tell.

Ah, the suspect! In Mami’s apartment, Charlotte is acting all cute, chowing on cheese while balancing a teacup on her head. Homura’s sitting quietly at the table, probably thinking about how the Witch she remembers for eating Mami is now acting as Mami’s familiar. Or staring at Madoka, that works too. So, is anyone going to comment on Homura’s makeover? No?

Hmm, Madoka’s commenting on how “Bebe” has been with Mami ever since she first met her. Shots of cutsey pictures of the two, it is chilling to see Mami so infatuated with this Witch. While everyone giggles at their antics, Homura asks how Bebe ended up staying with Mami. Silence, a closeup of Kyubey staring, and the Witch peeks over the table at Homura.

[“Bebe”]: “Homura, why you ask?”

After a pause, Mami talks about how when she was the only Magical Girl in Mitakihara City, the only one that supported and cheered her on was Bebe.

Urk. Mami’s talking about how without Bebe she might have given up a long time ago, that she puts up a false bravado to be seen as a reliable senior MG. But with Madoka and Sayaka growing stronger, and Homura and Kyoko as allies…

Damn. I wish that we could have watched this show, just the five of them fighting Nightmares and growing up. That- OH COME ON UROBUTCHER! Ugh, Mami’s tea just settled to show her upside down head. You don’t have to remind me dude, I remember.

CHARLOTTE. GO AWAY. GET OFF HER SHOULDER.

*Sigh* Mami’s saying that this kind of daily life is what she used to dream about in the old days. She’s happy, isn’t she?

Homura asks Mami for some more tea. She walks away- and Homura just pulled out her Soul Gem. Homura? You making a move against the Witch? Yep, she just did a quick Transform (much, much faster than the one from before), and readies her clock-shield.

[Homura]: “Sorry about this, Madoka.”

Timestop! Madoka looks a bit confused. Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon.

Homura grabs Charlotte by the head, unfreezing her and telling her to drop the act. She remembers. All the girls have had their memories rewritten, and are trapped in a Labyrinth. And the only one who could have done that is the Witch that she is holding right now. Charlotte continues to claim ignorance, nice little freezing effect there as Homura lets go and then grabs her by the neck.

Really digging this melancholy music as Homura opens the window and leaps out with Charlotte in tow, thinking about how her memories are flooding back. She remembers Mami. She may not have been very comfortable with her, thought that Mami pushed herself too hard despite having the softest heart. It felt cruel revealing the truth of the old world to her (that, and she didn’t have the best reaction to it).

Ooh, the backgrounds of the Labyrinth are showing a lot of Charlotte images now! Yeah, keep claiming that you don’t know and shucking blame, Witch. We’re on to you. Playing cute isn’t going to stop Homura. Enough of the cheese talk, you

OH CRAP RIBBON WHAT HOW

[Mami(!!!!)]: “I’d intended to wait and listen until I understood what the situation was. But I couldn’t stand by and watch you hurt Bebe any further.”

Ooooooh crap. Yellow ribbons are festooned across the frozen city, leading back to the brainwashed Mami. Somehow she tagged Homura before the timestop, meaning that she wasn’t frozen as- wait.

Ranubis said:The girls go flying, Mami grabbing Madoka and Homura with her ribbons before Homura timestops everything. But not the other girls? Oh, she’s tied to Madoka and Mami with the ribbon so the timestop doesn’t affect them, got it.

FORESHADOWING! Damn well done, Urobuchi.

Ok, this is serious. Homura now has to deal with brainwashed Mami. This is the Magical Girl who twice snared Homura with her ribbons to where she was helpless, the second time being the last timeline when Homura was at the peak of her power! Mami may have died in the third episode, but that was a fluke when she was distracted by future plans. Now she’s focused on Homura, who has lost the advantage of her power.

This is terrible. And awesome, I am bouncing up and down in my chair squeeing about the epic fight that is coming up, but gah this is heartwrenching. One friend fighting another who is being manipulated? Terrible. And awesome.

Homura tries to tell Mami that she’s being tricked by “Bebe”. Unfortunately, she’s trying to say that Mami is being tricked (by her long-time familiar), they aren’t in Mitakihara City (when Mami sees nothing wrong), and they have all been implanted with false memories (when Homura is the one who suddenly did a personality 180 from Mami’s perspective).

This is tragic, seeing how far Charlotte’s control goes. We see a ruined city, images of Charlotte everywhere. But that’s not what Mami sees.

Homura throws the Witch and tries to shoot quickly, but Mami ribbons her and pulls “Bebe” back, telling her to run. Another timestop, Homura tries shooting the ribbon holding her but it reforms. Alright, how to destroy that pesky piece of fabric?

[Homura]: “Do you mean to protect it, no matter what?”

[Mami]: “Give up on chasing her. If you don’t, you will have to fight me."

Homura leaps. Mami leaps. A guitar riffs. And the battle begins.

Awesome, looks like Homura still has her arsenal, pulls out an SMG to Mami’s muskets. But Mami has a lot of them, enough to match even Homura’s automatic fire. That is incre- no nevermind that, the fact that she is firing her musketballs with enough precision to collide with Homura’s shots is just… wow. The sky is riddled with frozen bullets and musketballs, until time resumes and tumble through the mini-fireworks in their battle. Homura’s still after Charlotte though, both she and Mami head towards her until Homura can timestop again, rounds tracing white lines through the frozen air.

This is an absolutely beautiful fight, I cannot say this enough. Both of these expert Magical Girls, masters of firepower, reading each other well enough to counter each and every round of their opponent. But there’s a question of endurance, which will run out first: Mami’s magic or Homura’s hammerspace?

Mami Ribbongirl’s her way to Homura and they clash their guns and is this yes it is they are doing Gun Kata now. These two magical girls are doing melee combat with guns, knocking the other’s weapons away and dodging point-blank shots. This is amazing. Eat your heart out, Equilibrium.

But now Homura’s fallen back, and Mami is in pursuit. Now it’s Freefalling Gun Kata, the firing lines spreading out like trees and lead and whatever-Mami’s-musketballs-are-made-of fly. Then they… stop? Oh! So many rounds have been fired in this timestop that the girls are utterly surrounded by them, both catching their breath as the camera pulls out a friggen Christmas Tree design made by the rounds. Until time resumes, and sparks fly.

My word. These girls, just standing there pointing their guns at each other, unflinching while their rounds whizz by and utterly obliterate the ruins…

*slow clap*

Well done, Studio Shaft. I don’t care if the rest of the movie turns out to be an elaborate Surprise Birthday Party for Homura, or she wakes up and has to hurry to her Geometry Exam, or just the scene of Mami’s head getting eaten on loop for an hour. This fight, this scene? Fantastic.

After the dust clears, the girls remain as they were. Homura is still bound by the ribbon, and Mami remarks that they aren’t getting anywhere they’re so evenly matched. Dunno, Homura’s done well this fight but you’re standing while she’s kneeling. Then Homura tosses her pistol aside and freezes time again?

Homura, after all the firepower you’ve used against Mami I don’t think that that dinky little pistol is going to wait what nO NO HOMURA WHAT Yes thank you Mami Homura just put the gun to her head Mami yanked her foot out to throw off her blood what homura no why wait

Oh. Oh my. Well done with that trick Homura but good MADOKA don’t scare me like that again!

*deep breath*

So Homura put a gun to her head knowing that Mami would have the same reaction I just did, when Mami pulled on the ribbon Homura grazed her head just enough to cause a blood splatter and distract Mami, as she used the ludicrous reflexes of a Magical Girl to pull the ribbon into the bullet and tear it, breaking Mami’s connection to her. Well done Homura! Although how did the bullet break the ribbon, shooting it before did nothing. Did Mami need to be distracted for it to be vulnerable?

Oh jeez maybe that was a little more than a “graze”, reminder that these are just meat puppets for the girls to control from their Soul Gems. Alright, well now that Mami’s frozen you can slip away and catch up to Homura what are you doing. Time is still frozen, use what you have left to get away not oh Madoka you’re aiming at her Soul Gem. Homura. Homura no!

Ok, still think that you should just run away and you don’t have to shoot, but at least it’ll just be a leg wound. Bullet freezes just above her leg, Homura looks away as time resumes wait what MOTHERFUCKING RIBBONS WHAT

Homura was… fighting a ribbon clone this entire time? Mami was indirectly fighting Homura, all of that was indirect, setting up this very trap? Holy carp Mami, you scary.

So 3 for 3, Homura is trapped by Mami’s ribbons, who lectures her about always thinking you have the upper hand. Homura pleads from her captivity, asking if Mami really doesn’t see that they’re in a ruined wasteland. Mami just notes that Homura didn’t shoot to kill (ok good I was really worried there for a sec MST), so why did she attack “Bebe”? She doesn’t remember anything about the Witches, after all. Her enemies are- wait.

[Mami]: “Our enemies are the Wraiths, right?”

YES. Come on Mami, fight off that brainwashing! You’ve been fighting Wraiths all this time (in Madoka’s world, at least). So what’s with the Nightmares?

Uh oh. The skyline just turned into an eye.

Think that, only more a mouth with eyelashes and a walnut for a pupil.

Charlotte is watching.

Wait, what? Fire extinguisher? Sword! Sayaka, where you been?! The white cloud from the pierced extinguisher fills the screen, Mami waves it away with her ribbon to show that Homura has been cut free and is gone. Well all right! So did Kyoko go and break Sayaka’s brainwashing then? That changes the score, we’ve got the Mysterious Transfer Student with Blue Paladin and Food Girl now knowing the truth, and Mami is at least questioning it. Although that leaves Madoka, who I guess is still back at the apartment wondering where the heck everyone is.

Mami’s looking around YOU. It’s the girl from the box art, the one I didn’t know! Eff off cutsey harp music, I know who that is! Mami listen you have to get away before Charlotte brainwashes you again, don’t listen… damn it. We’ve lost her.

AAAAAAHHHH you guys that fight good gravy that was beautiful, one of if not the most gorgeous fight scenes I have ever seen in anime, or any movie. Homura is rebelling against Charlotte and may have gotten Kyoko and Sayaka on her side now, unfortunately we’ve lost Bebe and next we can expect Charlotte to send Title Character Madoka against them. Is that a fight that Homura can even push herself to do? Yeesh. I’m also worrying that Homura lost too much of her arsenal against Mami, while it was almost entirely close combat towards the end I did note that Homura was just using pistols. Did she use all her heavy weaponry in that fight? If so that’ll make the next time they face off a mite more difficult.

[jonogueira]

Fic Writer Tag.

Thank you for thinking of me @a-shakespearean-in-paris and @princessvicky01

What is your total word count on AO3?

It is a surprising total of 127,899. And here goes some self-promotion, sorry.

Áine - English: It has 38 chapters so far (Being rewritten at the moment), and a total of  91,568.

Moon Hair & Fire Eyes: It has 8 chapters with 30,724.

The rest is in my “Áine - Brazilian Portuguese” and “Cully, you’re not gonna believe this!”, from an anon ask.

How often do you write?

Not as often as I would like. My work hours are crazy and every time I get a chance and am in the mood I try writing. 

Thursdays night I have time for sure, although it doesn’t mean I can make much progress... ~sigh~

Do you have a routine for writing?

Nope, nope nope! I just write as it goes. Sometimes I sit to write and start playing games instead hahaha... thinking about it now, I really should put more effort into it.

What are your favourite kinks/tropes/pairing?

I like fics that are centered in Thedas universe. I’ve read some Modern AU, Vampire AU... but it is not much what I like... not that they aren’t good, they are just not for me. Avvar Au is one that interests me a lot, so much so that I have a fic in that universe.

Pairings? Female Warden x Alistair/Zevran, Female Hawke x Fenris and Female Inquisitor and Cullen/Blackwall. I also love Original OC’s. I almost forgot to say that I LOVE mages!

I don’t mind the trope if there’s some angst with a happy ending... sad endings are not for me.

Kinks... I like it a little rough, a little of worship. Eye contact and fingers intertwined, kisses and kisses and kisses. I don’t know, it depends on the day hahahahaha.

Do you have a favourite fic of yours?

Oh hell yes! My baby Áine has most of my heart and soul. It was the first I wrote and I will cry and sob when I finish it.

Your fic with the most kudos?

So here are the things:

As I am rewriting Áine right now, it has almost no kudos. I decided to rewrite it and organize it into chapters because it used to be separate works in a series and there were a lot of kudos. The chapter “blue is the saddest color” was the one with the most but I don’t remember how many right now...~scratches head ~

Currently, Moon Hair & Fire Eyes is the one with more views, comments, and Kudos.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay, I will stop now. My lack of vocabulary... I tend to use the same words and sentences: "He looked into her eyes," "she turned to him, "he walked away"... yep, I know it sucks. I try to break the cycle, but it is so damn difficult... I read a lot of fics from AMAZING writers, and I am always in awe of how they write! One day... one day! Don't get me started on grammar. I suck, that's pretty much it. If I wrote in Portuguese - maybe - I would write much better, with richer vocab and better punctuation... well probably much better in the overall. Idioms, phrasal verbs, sayings. I have a sentence in my head, but when I translate to English it loses the meaning or depth, it is FRUSTRATING!  I catch myself times and times staring at the screen because I cannot translate something with the same meaning... so thank you SO very much for reading my stories.

Now, something you do like?

I like that, despite all the trouble I have to write, I can successfully write down my thoughts, I mean, thinking is much easier! And although I commit errors and mistakes, it turns out decently. I like my angsts but no so much my smut - I don't think they are my thingy, hahaha. The way I write sometimes is also something I like very much. I tend to try different things. If you read "What could have been..." you will notice what I am saying right in the beginning, with Cullen's dream. I am very happy with how it turned out. But what I like the most, what makes me proud, is to see how far I have gotten. I have thought about stopping so many times, but going back to read my work and see how much I have improved... and falling in love with my characters all over again.. that my friends, is worth all my tears, doubts and time!

Tagging @childrenofdestinylove @amervalk @melaena @annorarutherford @lyrium-blossom @myrddinderwydd @etaeternum @jawsandbones and @sparemyocs

[kennothythebard]

Word Count in DEH Fanfic, pt. 2

A lot has changed since I made my first post about the subject, so I figured I should go more in depth in my analysis rather than just “ooh fancy math! Divide word count by chapter numbers!” So I’ve put together a bunch of information about the five longest fics in the DEH tag on ao3. here you go. I’m so sorry.

Title: A Worthy Explanation Author: nameless_wanderer (aka me, @official-didney-worl-elmo ) Kudos: 241 Paring(s): Kleinsen, slight Galaxy Gals Type of fic: Divergence, Evan doesn't lie Summary: A divergence in the canon where Evan chooses not to lie to the Murphy family, turns into a Kleinsen slow burn. Total word count: 90,813 Words per chapter (avg.): 4,128 Reason for length: Basically a retelling of DEH, goes into almost too much detail at some points, adds lots of events based on the original story Rating/Personal opinion: I cannot objectively rate this as I am the one who wrote this. Series?: Kind of. Technically yes, the other stories are just one shots in the same au. Other comments: I mean if u wanted to read it that would be hella.

Title: The Desperate Type Author: chchchchchcherrybomb ( @ch-ch-ch-ch-cherrybomb ) Kudos: 1757 Paring(s): Treebros Type of fic: Plot transplant (i.e. taking plot elements from one story and using it with characters/setting of a different), using plot elements from "My Heart and Other Black Holes" Summary: Evan seeks out a "suicide partner," a depressed person like him who will help him make the decision to end things. The person he finds is Connor Murphy. Angst ensues. Total word count: 88,393 Words per chapter (avg.):  4,018 Reason for length: Due to the nature of the fic, it's pretty much a whole novel rewritten using different events, characters, etc. Rating/Personal opinion: Whoa, everything about this is so wonderful! Seriously, one of the best fics in the deh tag on ao3, I cannot praise this fic enough. The characters are realistically developed, the events are emotionally charged but not so much that it breaks suspension of disbelief, if you like reading long fics this is the fic for you. Series?: Yep. Other fics include retellings of events from different POVs, one shots in the same au, and a multi-chaptered prequel (also very good) Other comments: the author of this fic is also like super nice and I'd like apologize for literally every interaction we've had bc I am an idiot and everything about TDT and the related fics are fantastic

Title: Here, But Full of Light Author: InTheLoft ( @arequiems ) Kudos: 383 Paring(s): Treebros, Galaxy Gals Type of fic: Divergence, Connor lives Summary: In the words of the author, Connor Murphy didn't die and, for some reason, Evan Hansen is determined to be his friend. Total word count: 83,683 Words per chapter (avg.): 13,947 (holy hell) Reason for length: The individual chapters for this fic represent seasons of the year, meaning a lot of events happen in them. The "chapters" in this case are more like "parts" in certain longer novels, and there are almost kind of "mini chapters" within each of the written chapters Rating/Personal opinion: Honestly I haven't caught up with this one. I've started it half a dozen times but I get busy. From what I've read it's outstanding, and seems to be going in a good direction, but I can't give a really strong opinion on this. Series?: No(t yet?) Other comments: Honestly, I'm blown away that the author is this dedicated to writing a fic this long and it's still not done yet! I'll be surprised if after the next chapter is updated, AWE is still the longest fic in the tag. So well done, your dedication to this fic is incredible.

Title: Pain Author: faraandmera ( @faraandmera ​) Kudos: 1206 Paring(s): Treebros Type of fic: Divergence, Connor doesn't attempt suicide and becomes friends with Evan Summary: Connor and Evan are both sick. Maybe they could be sick together. Maybe they could almost be friends Total word count: 78,482 Words per chapter (avg.): 1,601 Reason for length: 49 average/short chapters. Several interludes in between plot. Rating/Personal opinion: Honestly the title is a misnomer. I loved this fic when I first read it, there's a little bit of angst in earlier chapters but it becomes really nice and a little fluffy in the middle chapters. I'm honestly not caught up bc I kept forgetting to read the updates, but it's so well written and includes probably my favorite line ever written: "Hello yes, I can’t go because I don’t want to, and also don’t even celebrate that holiday what the fuck." Series?: Yep, the Pain-verse, which right now is just "Pain" and a one shot taking place in the same universe. Other comments: Not finished yet, don't know if the author is planning on ending it anytime soon. Despite the title, this is a pretty good feel-good fic/slow burn if you want something a little bit lighter to read

Title: "You Know They're Gonna Think You're Lovers, Right?" Author: neglectedrainbow ( @neglectedrainbow​ ) Kudos: 857 Paring(s): Kleinsen, Galaxy Gals Type of fic: Divergence, Connor was gay and Evan pretends to have been his boyfriend Summary: Connor's parents knew about Connor's boyfriends. They think Evan might have been one of them. Jared told Evan just to nod and confirm. I wonder how this will turn out. Total word count: 66,029 Words per chapter (avg.): 2,201 Reason for length: Basically retelling the musical after "For Forever" with some divergence. Rating/Personal opinion: This is another one I haven't quite read. I got like ten chapters into it like one night but then I woke up and forgot what I read and forgot to keep up with it. I remember it's like super well written, and I really should read it considering it's the longest Kleinsen fic that I didn't write Series?: YKTGTYLR, but the titular fic is the only one in the series currently. Other comments: Honestly I really need to read the fic, like actually read it, I only remember that the writing was crazy good, on par with TDT if I remember correctly.

Conclusion:

Divergence fics yield huge word count.

Well written fics that are long yield lots of kudos.

People love writing long treebros fics

Almost everyone ships Galaxy Gals

The DEH ao3 tag has so many talented authors except me lol what the hell how are you all so good??? Also thank you for the amazing content?????

[the-static-and-i]

Aftermath (wip)

//This is gonna be a long one (because im like halfway through writing it i think? If even that?), and i was gonna hold off and keep it as a total surprise, but my brain literally wont shut off unless i share every last fucking writing apparently, so take this as it is, and ill post the completed and edited one later today probably, with a real summary :P

TWs: character death, grieving, mourning, suicidal thoughts, mentions of Lucky and Cam (disappearing), survivor’s guilt, general guilt. So much guilt. 

Renee couldn't handle sleeping in the same room Sam had been in not 4 days ago. She had spent a lot of time with Eli and Sofia and Kat, trying to ignore the emptiness in her head. Sam was the more dominant of the two of them, and now with her gone, Ren didnt know what to do with herself; for being the more confident of the two, she didnt have the will to do much of anything. 

By the fourth day though, she figured she couldnt sit and cry on Sofia's couch, finally dragging her ass back to her own cabin. She slowly looked around, remembering every blanket fort and hug that Sam had made and shared, every movie they had watched, and every bowl of popcorn she had eaten. The room felt.. empty now. Grey and dull and lifeless. Or maybe it was Ren feeling that way..? She couldn't tell the difference anymore. 

She slowly idled around the room, eventually ending up in her room. She picked up Sam's teddy bear, her favorite that had gotten her through so many bad days. Ren hugged it tight, feeling almost as if she was hugging Sam. She found herself crying again, her knees giving out as a sob broke through her pursed lips. She clutched the bear -- Peter? -- to her chest, biting his ear to muffle herself.

--

She didnt know when exactly she had fallen asleep, but Ren found herself opening her eyes groggily, pushing herself up from the floor. As she stood, she saw the bag Sam had brought with them originally sitting next to the wardrobe, almost completely empty, save a sketchbook and a small fox plushie with a ribbon and a handmade tag that read "Auburn". Reading Sam's handwriting caused her to tear up further, so she set aside the small fox and grabbed the sketchbook.

She flipped through, seeing so many sketches, through various states of completion, the last two causing her breath to catch. On the left of the page was a half finished sketch of Sam holding her hand up to a mirror, her reflection clearly being Renee, smiling back so happily. She lifted a hand to her mouth, trying to hold back a dry sob, lowering her fingertips to the page after a moment. The right page was a half finished Renee in a dress, holding a blue rose, with a roughly-sketched Genesis in a beautiful black dress, almost holding Ren's hand. Across the top in Sam's best cursive was the phrase "For Good."

Ren found herself tearing up once again, the song immediately playing in her head. She couldnt remember all of the words, but the parts she could hear were distinctly in Sam's voice, "So now its up to you, for both of us.. i know im who i am today, because i knew you.. i do believe i have been changed for the better, and because i knew you, i have been changed for good..." Ren sobbed as the words repeated and replayed, what she thought Gen sounding like filling in some of the other half, "just to clear the air, i ask forgiveness, for the things ive done you blame me for.. whatever way our stories end, i know you have rewritten mine, by being my friend..."

She couldn’t hold back the tears, quickly setting the book aside so she didnt fuck with the pages further, bringing her hands up to her face so she didnt have to see anything but the darkness. 

--

Finally, Ren had packed up her bag fully. She didnt know where she was going, but she knew she couldnt stay in the cabin anymore; there were so many memories everywhere here, and she couldnt stop replaying all of them. She left Auburn and Peter on the bed, with a short note saying that Eli and Jackie could have them respectively, before leaving out the front door. She considered just walking off the property until she collapsed somewhere, but decided that was a horrible train of thought that she didnt wanna follow, so instead she headed towards the road, caught between borrowing someone else's car and calling a ride. 

She glanced up at the main house, briefly remembering the conversation about getting an apartment that Sam--.. that she was supposed to have with Ceph. She debated that too; it wasnt that she didnt want help, it was more that she didnt know if she could face an entire house of memories and people that might try to comfort or stop her, and she hadnt actually mentioned leaving to anyone. The fact that she left without Kat noticing was a miracle, and she couldnt handle explaining herself to anybody -- not when she was still explaining to herself.

"Renren..?" A quiet voice called behind her, causing Ren to tense up. She wanted to pretend she didnt hear him, wished she had made up her mind, wished she could disappear without hurting anybody, but.. She turned around to face Eli, not actually meeting his eyes. She doesnt speak, she hadnt since--.. 

Eli stepped closer, his hand coming into Ren's view. He reaches for her hand, her shoulder, before pulling away entirely. She wanted to hug him, but couldnt bring herself to move. She should explain, but she still didnt know why she was even gonna leave, and now he was going to blame himself no matter which she picks, and- 

"Ren? Eli?" Another voice comes from the direction of the house, louder and more concerned than Eli's had been. Ren notices Eli turn to Jinx, sees Jinx's feet enter her field of view, can practically feel his worry rolling off of him. He had so much worry for someone so young.. "You two okay-?" Jinx sounded almost like he wanted to say more, but decided against it. 

Ren nodded to his question, glancing down at the bag that was still clutched in her too-tight grip. This was a mistake. She shouldnt-- she couldnt leave all of this behind. This was.. well, she was happy here. Everyone she cared about was here, well.. almost everyone.. 

She lifts a shaky hand to run through her hair, habitually sticking her thumbnail in her mouth and gnawing at it afterwards. 

"'m fine, but Renren..." Eli trailed off, and Ren felt a pang hit her chest; the first emotion to break her numbness, and it was guilt, how fitting.. These two shouldnt have to walk on eggshells, its not like she was a ticking time bomb.. 

But as she looked down at her white knuckles, as she chewed her nail down to the pink, as she remembered the voice telling her to join Sam and Cam and Lucky, she wasnt so sure of that anymore.

"Renren, stop," Eli pulled her hand from her mouth, and only then did she notice she had bitten down hard enough to draw blood. Her eyes followed Eli's hand back up to his face, tracing over every worried and distressed and upset mark, and she wished for nothing more than to hold him until they all faded.

Logically, she knew it wouldnt work like that, but she couldnt help but drop her bag and pull him into a hug anyway. It was the first one she had initiated and the first she had reciprocated, and that realization made her heart pang again. Eli was suffering and mourning just as much, and now it was like he lost both sisters.. She squeezed him a little, resting a hand on the back of his head. 

Eli hugged her back quickly, his arms around her waist. She could feel the fabric of her shirt becoming damp near his face, but she didnt mind. It was just a shirt, and he was so much more important. She gently brushed through his hair with one hand, the other releasing him and holding a welcoming hand out to Jinx.

He stepped closer, his body tense, but he joined the hug anyway, one hand resting on Eli's shoulder and the other on Ren's back. She rested her hand on his back, just below his shoulder so he could easily duck out when he got uncomfortable. 

Her legs were shaking by the time they all finally parted, Eli softly sniffling and Jinx looking a little awkward. Ren rubbed her arm, her hand feeling oddly empty without the bag, her arms feeling oddly empty without them, but her heart feeling a little more full. She pointed up to the house, waiting for both boys to acknowledge the gesture before she picked up her bag and stepped forward, wanting one of them to lead the way. In truth, she didnt want to be alone, and didnt know how to confidently lead anymore, even if it was just inside a big fucking house. She didnt know how to hold herself anymore, and her legs felt like weak cement, both too unstable but too heavy to move. 

Eli grabbed Ren's hand, wrapping it round his shoulders, Jinx coming around to take her bag, and the three slowly made their way inside. They were so patient and understanding, and they were so strong.. they shouldnt have to be strong, and another guilty pang flashed through Ren's chest.

~~

// Fin for now <3 Is gonna get worse before it gets better i think, so im sorry in advance? I promise im gonna write fluff soon, i need it so badly and these two assholes arent gonna stop me from giving them fluff, no matter how hard they’re apparently trying?? 

//Also, in case you couldnt tell, this is Post Cloak AU! Hopefully it stays an au! :)