#how the fuck am I supposed to get anything done this weekend

[seilon]

don’t know how cvs fucked it up this time but yay super cool I can’t get my meds refilled until monday apparently meaning I get to spend my birthday going through withdrawal and feeling miserable that’s so cool!!!!!!

[toastsnaffler]

ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

[heartyearning]

context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.

[nomaishuttle]

I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .

[thotfool]

My whole being, body mind and soul, feels like it's cracking

[agenderarkham]

WHY is the world so mean to me I was supposed to have to work a stupid shitty amount of overtime this week and then get Saturday Sunday off and it was gonna be great bc my whole family is gone for the weekend but my fucking coworker tested positive for Covid so now I get to work even more even shittier hours to cover her ass even tho I don’t even know if she actually tested positive bc literally yesterday she was telling me she had already taken two tests and tested negative on both but she kinda just wanted to call out and take a break

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Not A Verstappen: A New World {7}

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader x Lando Norris Summary: It's summer break and that means drunken shenanigans. Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, fluff, alcohol, sexual themes WC: 1.8k F1 Masterlist NAV: Sibling Rivalry One || Two || Three NAV: Gridlocked One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight || Nine NAV: A New World One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight

A gentle melody echoed down the hall and you smiled at the sound as you quietly closed the front door. A soft moan escaped your lips as Lando eased your coat off and kissed your shoulder. 

“I think Charles beat us home,” he whispered against your skin. 

“Or there is a very refined intruder here.”

Lando chuckled as he kicked his shoes off and laced his fingers with yours. You stepped carefully along the wooden floorboards, creeping your way to the arch that opened into the larger living space. Deep in his zone, Charles sat shirtless in front of the piano and didn’t notice your arrival until you and Lando slipped onto the bench chair beside him.

“Keep going,” you urged when his fingers stilled and the note rang out. “It’s beautiful.”

Lando lightly tapped a higher key and Charles reached for the lid with a shake of his head. “It’s not ready yet.”

He was always a little shy with his music, until he was certain it was complete. It was challenging not to press him when you weren’t the most patient of people. But you tried. 

“Have you had lunch?”

He shook his head again, water drops flicking from his wet hair and tickling your skin. “I just got home too.”

It had been a long three days apart but if you wanted to have a few weeks undisturbed then you had to go to the factory for some work. Lando had been in Woking, Charles in Maranello and you had gone to the new HQ in Silverstone. Everyone was happy to be home in Monaco, together. 

“How about we go out?” you offered. “It’s officially holiday mode…and August.”

“You just want to get drunk,” Lando teased with a wink. “I’m in for some bottomless mimosas. Charles?”

“Only if I get you all to myself for the rest of the weekend. I don’t want to leave the apartment at all, especially if I am hungover.”

“I suppose I could handle that,” you said with a playful eye roll, “but you'll have to find some way to keep us entertained.”

He looked down with a smile and nodded. “I’m sure I can think of something.”

Half an hour later you were almost ready to go out when there was a call from the concierge about an oversized delivery. “Did you guys order anything?”

“Not that I remember.”

“I have some new Quadrant hoodies but they shouldn’t be oversized.”

You curiously hung around the front door waiting and frowned at a crate that arrived in the service elevator. “Is that Heineken?”

One of the men looked up at the only apartment door on the floor before double checking the name. “Delivery for Verstappen?”

“That would be the next block over,” you said pointing to the identical apartment tower across the street, until you saw the first name on the delivery notice, your name. “What the hell is my brother up to?” 

You swiped the invoice off the top of the crate and tore it open to see there were 30 boxes of Heineken’s 0% alcohol beer, courtesy of Max’s latest commercial he had done for the brand. Pulling your phone out, you hit Max’s contact and stepped out onto the balcony that faced his apartment from the guest room.

“Hello, zusje,” he greeted with a smile in his tone. “How can I help you?”

“Step outside.”

You heard the scrape of his door sliding open before he stepped out onto his balcony and waved across the street. Cupping your hands around your mouth you shouted to be sure he heard you, “What the fuck, Max!”

“I’m looking out for your health,” he laughed into his phone. “Tastes good, you should try it.”

“I didn’t just go a month without alcohol to drink that shit. Come and get it before I get home or I’ll get a slingshot and send it back the fun way.”

His curiosity was piqued as he took a seat in the shade. “Where are you going?” 

“Lunch and drinks, then see how we go.”

“I’ll see what Kel’s plans are but meet you at Jimmyz?” 

You gave him the thumbs up. “Sounds good if we can still walk by then.”

The room spun as you tried to stand up. You no longer had a brain, just a constant beat of a drum that throbbed painfully in your head with every movement. The air was stale in the room but the smell of rum was stronger and you opened a window to save your stomach from heaving. Images of the night before came with sporadic bursts that made zero sense and your boyfriends were of little help as they lay comatose on the bed. 

You were in desperate need of water so you grabbed one of the silk robes abandoned on the floor and stepped out into the hall as you tied it around your waist. You had barely finished tying it off when you stumbled past the guest room and saw a pasty white ass on the bed. 

“Pierre?” 

“Je dors, go away,” the man groaned and rolled over to barely lift his head from the pillow, both confirming his identity and also scarring your eyes as you rushed out of the room. 

 You were still trying to erase the image of him when you ran into Kika leaving the kitchen with a mug of coffee. “Are you okay?” she asked as she placed a calming hand on your shoulder. “You look sick.”

“I feel sick,” you grumbled as you stole the coffee. “I saw more of your boyfriend in the last three seconds than I have in three years of knowing him.”

Kika giggled sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t think anyone else would be awake so early. You guys were pretty hammered last night.”

“I’ll be honest, I can’t remember anything.”

Kika grabbed your hand and towed you back to the kitchen, placing you on a stool at the breakfast bar before making herself another cup. You weren't sure about actually drinking the coffee just yet but the scent alone was enough to bring some life back to you as you watched Kika take a seat on the bench next to the coffee machine while it made another espresso. 

“You guys went fucking wild last night,” Kika started with a laugh. “You were already wasted by the time Charles called Pierre to invite us out. It’s a surprise they even let you into Jimmyz.”

“I can act sober when I need to.”

Kika snorted a laugh. “That’s exactly what you told the bouncer too. Good thing Charles was able to convince him.”

That wasn’t anything new, Charles could sweet talk his way out of anything, especially in Monaco. “Fuck, I can’t remember any of that.”

“I’m not surprised,” Pierre chuckled behind you, surprising you enough that the coffee splashed over your hand. “I should bill you for emotional damages.”

“Me? I had to wake up and see your ass, when I was already feeling nauseous. You need to get some sun on those buns, dude, I thought it was a full moon. You should pay me.”

“At least you didn’t have to listen to a pull out competition on the other side of the wall.”

You froze as you felt the whispers of the memory on your skin. Lando and Charles had made a bet when the alcohol was running rife in their bloodstream. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” he said with a dramatic shiver.

The machine beeped and Pierre stole the drink before Kika could and she huffed as she made a third attempt at getting her coffee. After shoving a fresh cup under it and hitting the buttons, she leaned into Pierre’s side and said, “From the cheers it sounds like the boys won.”

Your cheeks heated with embarrassment and you buried your face in your hands as they continued to tease you with the sounds you had made last night. 

“Mate, some of us are trying to sleep,” Lando grumbled as he lumbered into the room in a daze, rubbing his bleary eyes. Charles was only a few steps behind him having the time to pull on sweatpants unlike Lando who was happy to wander around in his boxers. 

“Well some of us were trying to do that last night,” Pierre replied as he draped his arm over Kika’s shoulders. “Right, babe?”

“Please tell me they are joking,” you begged as your boyfriends sat down at the breakfast bar with you. “They think you two were stupid enough to try pulling out.”

Lando scratched the curls at the top of his head, his biceps flexing as he tried to distract you from the shrug he gave. 

“No,” you groaned, turning the other way. “Charles?”

“Mamour, you dared us. You bet we couldn’t, and we are competitive people.”

“Fuck…”

“If it makes you feel better, love, you lost.” A warm hand drew soothing circles on the small of your back and Lando kissed your cheek before whispering in your ear, “But it wasn’t really losing, you were very much happy with the results, in your mouth, on your ass. I think we all won.”

You pushed him away before you made another stupid decision and busied your hands with the coffee, taking a sip in the hopes you could wash away the dirty thoughts. They had ignited the memory and it came on so suddenly you nearly choked on the drink as you heard your taunt. 

“Godammit,” Lando huffed as he struggled to open the foil wrapper on the condom. “I’m still not used to doing this shit again.”

“If you had pull-out game you could already be inside me,” you teased him as your fingers ran down your body and you spread your legs for him. “But your self control is shocking.”

“Is not,” he scoffed indignantly, tossing the packet aside. “I can pull out.”

“I bet you can’t.”

“This is not a good idea, mamour.”

“Are you scared you will lose? Tsk, tsk, I thought you were braver than that Charles.”

Charles grabbed your hand before you could reach the juncture of your thighs and pinned it above your head as he smirked to Lando. “Fuck it, lets go.”

Click here for the next part.

[brownsugarwrites]

Up late.

Pairings: Bodyguard!Kuai Liang x Black!socialite!reader

Warnings: Smut, established relationship ,edging, tears, praise, bratty reader, soft dom kuai but he is a asshole, choking , cursing, cumming inside, squriting ,aftercare. also not alot of dialouge here.

wc: 1.5k

listened to alot of ari lennox while writing this. This was supposed to be done weeks ago but school was beating my ass saur I hope everyone enjoys!! For your listening pleasure.

It was late. Very late. 2:30 in the morning to be exact. You had just come from a night out with your best friends who had come into town for the weekend. Your parents were currently on a business trip so you were under Kuai’s supervision. But, the only problem was you didn't tell Kuai about you leaving and going out.

Was it out of pettiness? Yes. But you were sure he would do nothing about it. The past few weeks he had been letting you slide more than usual. You would yell and curse him out just because he told you no or you would just be defiant knowing you got under his skin with the little things you did.

Locking the door to your G-Wagon your father gifted you for your 21st birthday your heels clacked on the pavement of your driveway as you made your way to the front door. Fumbling in your purse to take out your house keys you sighed in exhaustion. You forgot had thrilling it was to sneak out and go party with your friends all night

Walking into your home you slipped off your heels before hanging your purse on the hook. Flicking on the light in the foyer you jumped seeing your personal bodyguard Kuai Liang sitting on the couch waiting for you to get home.

You were fucked.

“Oh hey, I thought you would be sleeping right now,” you said quite nervously but you tried not to show it

“Where were you?” he asked calmly.

You knew he already knew the answer to that so it was a matter if you were gonna lie to him or not. Knowing you were already in deep shit you decided to be truthful this one time.

“I went out with some friends. Why does it matter?” you asked crossing your arms

“Because last time I checked. You are under my watch correct?” he asked

You nodded your head before opening your mouth but Kuai cut you off

“Yes, you are under my supervision this weekend. So why did you think it was ok to go out without telling me where you were going”

You sat in your thoughts for a moment. Until the light bulb metaphorically appeared over your head.

“I'm grown first of all. All you do is treat me like I'm a child who can't handle themselves,” you said standing your ground before walking away to your bedroom.

Following behind you as you walked away from him he called your name continuously as you ignored his advances, Soon you reached your room and before you could close the door on his face he caught the door before it could close.

“I wasn't done talking to you.” He said voice slightly deeper than usual

“Well, I am-” you began before looking into his eyes seeing the seriousness in them.

Before you could think, he was gently pulling you by your neck to bring your face to his before kissing you harshly. Having to clutch on his shirt to keep you steady you grounded yourself before feeling Kuais hands go to your ass lifting you partially his way of telling you to “jump”

Bringing you closer to the bed your stomach churned in anxiousness mixed with arousal watched as he discarded his shirt on your floor. Watching him climb back over you he didn't say a word as he nearly tore off the dress you were wearing.

Some may say you were spoiled by nature. With your parents owning multiple businesses you never had to want for anything. No was not in your vocabulary or your parents. This made you entitled for lack of better words. You didn't care about how other people felt (sometimes) and how your actions would eventually have a consequence.

That was until Kuai was assigned to you about a year or two ago. When Kuai came you calmed down tremendously. You started to like him and you didn't want to run him away. Therefore you toned down to pursue something further with him, secretly of course (his brothers knew).

Once the two of you started to secretly date your shell started to peel slowly and soon enough you were back to your usual antics.

Peeling off your thin underwear he kissed your thighs a few times before leaving little bites and licking a stripe along your cunt. He quickly replaced his tongue with his fingers. Hitting that particular spongey spot that had your mouth running dry and seeing stars

“Kuai.. I’m bout to cum-” You would pant nearing your release

Soon as those words fell from your pretty mouth he quickly took his fingers out of your aching pussy hearing you whine in need

“Kuai why did you do that?” you asked sitting up on your hands before looking him in his eyes

Staring at you he couldn't help but think you were so beautiful like this. Even though you were near tears because of your denied release. This would set the tone for the night. Saying nothing he climbed on top of your flower bed sheets before pulling you in between his legs with your back against his broad chest. Taking a hand to turn your head to give you a soft kiss you thought that maybe he would let you cum this time around.

You were wrong.

Every time you were near a release he released his fingers from your puffy clit as the tears streamed down your face. Your whines and pleads for him to let you cum were strong as you felt like he had you in this position for hours toying with you while whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you begged for a release. But, you weren't getting off that easy.

“I need you so bad. No more teasing Kuai please baby” you said breathlessy wanting to be satisfied.

“I dont think you’ve learned your lesson princess,” he responded rubbing your thighs to try to calm down a little

“I did! I'm sorry Kuai just please I need you so bad.”

“Promise you won't be mean any more?” he asked smiling

Nodding your head rapidly you whined feeling his fingers rub on your clit once more before lifting you to place you on his lap. Incoherent words fell from your lips as you sunk into him.

“There we go sweetheart, shh I got you,” he said along your neck before bouncing you up and down.

Usually, Kuai kept his composure very well. But when he was inside you his composure slowly faded away. The way you squeezed him and the little noises you would make as he fucked into you kept him going while driving himself crazy at the same time.

He was in love with you. No matter how spoiled you were, he knew the other side of you that most didn't. He was grateful to see both sides of you. His brothers always talk about your behavior and how your attitude could be too much to handle. But he knew how to get you to submit completely to him. It took some time but he knew how to get you there.

Putting you on your back he continued to fuck you into feeling your almond-shaped nails digging into his back as you cried out for him nearing your release.

“Just wait princess, im close hold on a little longer” he grunted continuing to fuck into you

Squeezing your eyes shut you tried to hold on for him but your body was defying what your mind was saying

“Cant hold it anymore baby please.” you whispered trying to open your eyes

Seeing your glossy eyes he groaned seeing how fucked out you were. That was all he needed to cum

“Cmon baby, thats it, i got you” as you released all over him as he pumped his cum into you.

He laid on top of you as the two of you breathed in sync. Feeling warm and soft kisses being placed on your forehead before getting carried to the bathroom.

Running the hot water with your lavender soap he went back to your room to change your sheets and to pull out your sleepwear for the night. Coming into the bathroom quietly he tied your headscarf around your braids before putting on your bonnet. Once the water was done running he set you in the tub gently before getting behind you.

“Thank you.” you said softly sinking into the hot water

Helping wash each other off some kisses were shared in between with light giggles from the bubble getting on kuais face. Retreating from the bathroom Kuai went to grab some clothes from his overnight bag before coming back to your room to put his clothes on.

Peeling back your comforter the two of you laid down on your soft pillows while staring in each others eyes.

“Are you upset with me Kuai?” you asked softly before playing with his hair.

Before he could answer he took in the way the soft moonlight illuminated your brown skin and created a twinkle in your eyes. You were perfect.

“I could never be upset with you. I just didn't expect you to be gone. Your parents would kill me if I let you get hurt.”

“Im sorry…” you said with shame laced with embarrassment.

“I forgive you, princess. Next time just tell me when you’re going out. Ok?” he said before kissing the inside of your wrist.

Nodding your head you quickly snuggled into him before closing your eyes

“Good night Kuai. I love you.”

[pinkandpurple360]

Rewriting the “I like tormenting you” scene because…yeah 🦢 💔🦉

Stolas, long angsty song number: In his gilded…jail….

Stella: The fuck are you doing?

Stolas: Reflecting.

Stella: Well stop it. It’s annoying to hear you screeching your angsty woes at all hours of the night.

Stolas: Why are you still here? You leave with Via on the weekends but you still hang around my house. Why?

Stella, enraged: What, “hang around”? Do you think I just like tormenting you or something? I am your WIFE. You decide to go cheating and Im the one who’s out of a home because of it? How dare you. Your palace has been my home for nineteen years, MY jail. You own the fucking place but never show an ounce of gratitude. Always pouting, crying, whimpering, embarrassing yourself. You’re supposed to be a prince, a leader.

Stolas: Ive never wanted any of this, I have nothing of my own. I am cursed with-

Stella: Oh enough of the martyr act. Every time you get criticised it’s suddenly “woe is me” You men with your big titles, grand costumes, thinking you’re so deep, so full of pain. You know nothing of pain. I won’t be moved from dollhouse to dollhouse according to your flimsy whims—you utterly spineless man!

Stolas standing his ground: You watch your tone with me, Via isn’t here to see your hysterical outbursts and I’ve had enough of your screeching harpy nonsense—

Stella, holding her hand up and it shakes hovering in the air: MY harpy screeching?? My hysteria?? After what you did??

Stolas, holding his hands up in glee and laughing maliciously: Go on! Strike me! Let everyone see what a mad woman you truly are! I don’t regret anything I’ve done, I loved seeing that shock on your face, that your snivelling friends were were all present to witness my triumph—

Stella, incredulous: Triumph is it? You think I didn’t notice the guards dragging that imp away, and you, drunk. I was so willing to look the other way, then you had to make such a grand scene. And all of that “there wasn’t time for a motel” crap was another of your lies? You are fucking sickening. You don’t even know what’s truth anymore. The least you could have done was sleep with that imp outside of our fucking bed. Instead of forcing us all to endure the racket of that disgusting ‘passionate fornication’ you call it. And yes, I do mean, ALL of us in the palace.

Stolas, confused and cowering: I—I don’t understand. What are you getting at with “endure”?

Stella: The screeching, the moaning, the disgusting fucking snaps and slicing from the arsenal of weapons you used to fornicate for hours. Not even the loudest blast of her shitty plebeian music could have drowned out that racket!! Octavia heard everything! (She screams to herself and throws a vase, shattering it behind them) You fucking embarrassment of a father! (Her voice cracks, she tears up with mascara flowing mirroring his own expression) What have you done?! Look at you in that stupid costume. What was it all for??

Stolas, falling to his knees: No no…no no no…you’re just turning her against me. You’re lying!! You never gave a shit about me or our very much arranged marriage!! I…I got back at you. You never even tried to make it comfortable for us! It was all me! All for that girl!!

Stella: “That girl” has been nothing more than you trying to make yourself feel better about your own father. All you do is try to re-parent YOURSELF through her. Giving her what you wanted, not what SHE needs. To make you feel like you haven’t made a mistake.

Stolas: Shut up!!

Stella: That girl, has been living our lie, your lie, since her birth! And I can’t do it anymore!!

Stolas: Enough!!

Stella: Were it not for my fucking anatomy, I would have filed divorce seconds after her egg fell out of me!! But you just had to have your little fantasy, your happy family. You always resented me for not sharing your talent for acting and faking, well fuck that. I already pretended to want to be yours, and it was never enough. You hated me for not loving you, and now you do the same to me? I’m not an actress and I won’t live a lie. Have your divorce! And you will compensate me for the years I’ve lost to you!! If I have my way stolas, damn you, this palace will be mine. I’m not losing my home again.

Stolas, weeping: No no…I don’t want that…you can’t make me…I don’t want it!! I don’t want that!! You bitch…you never once cared about me…not once…

Stella, is silent for a prolonged moment, face unseeen, she turns and a broken smile is on her face, she speaks in short sentences: I di—No. Thats. That’s right. Fucking…pathetic man…you’ve finally met your match. And I know you’ll pay for it.

(She leaves, they are both deeply broken. Stella has a broken expression, she sees Via in the hallway and gasps, wipes her mascara trails away and puts on her ice queen persona): Via darling. Mummy and Daddy are just…playing a silly game. You know how we are. Don’t stay out in the cold. I’ll…run you a bath. (She reaches out to her)

Via, pain stricken after everything she’s heard, flinches away from her and runs off: I hate you…I hate both of you. Liars! Just two children! I always KNEW this day was coming!!

Stolas, crumpled on the floor, stares into the sky: …It was for love…it was all for love…he’s my…my soulmate…

[maximumkillshot]

I Got You

Warnings: Mentions of Self-Harm, Cutting and the Like, some mentions of blood, Fluff, Protective boys honestly

Pairing: Changbin x Reader

Characters: Changbin, BangChan, Felix, OC Manager,

A/N: It's a comfort piece for @orchid-mantis-petals and everyone else struggling... You are a warrior... Don't forget it.

‘This is bullshit!” You scream as you walk into the dorm. Slightly startling the inhabitants. 

Changbin rounds the corner to the living room where you just plopped, with creatine in hand, “You know hobbies are supposed to have the opposite effect on you, right, Jagi?” He knows you love doing your hobby. As much as you despise your job, if anything helps you, it's going out and indulging yourself. 

This was your only off day in the last two months. As much as you hate it, you need to be an adult, your words, not his. Your boyfriend and his friends know that he has offered thousands of times just to quit so that you can find a healthier job for you mentally, he’d take care of you. You just looked at him and said, “Yeah, no. I need to do things on my own, Binnie.” But this is what he was talking about. 

He put the supplement away and said, “Do you want to talk about it or give me an address so that I can put my muscles to good use?” as he sat, dragging you to his lap, “Because as much as I say I do it for the look, I do it to protect you. And someone hurt my Jagi so… You tell me who I need to beat up.”

You chuckled as you said, “They did it again…” 

Bin took a big breath and hissed out, “When you say ‘it’ you don’t mean scheduling you for a shift without telling you… right?”Then he took a breath and said, “Because if they did that then I… I am going to need addresses Jagi.”

Chan heard the big entrance and walked in from the bathroom, one look at Bin and he said, “Oh no.. okay how bad. On a scale of 1-10.” You could see that he just got out of the shower, some beads of water still clinging to his shoulders, sweatpants neatly tied on his hips.

Bin just looked at him and said, “They did it again…”

Chan’s face soured, “Oh ok so 11. Y/N. We talked about this.” he said as he crossed his arms. 

You see, this is a very common occurrence at your job. For some reason, they give you no notice and expect you to telepathically understand that you need to come in on your weekend. This pissed everyone off especially…

There’s a knock at the door and Felix just walks in… he takes one look at his Hyungs and he knows, especially with the frustrated tears that are now rolling down your cheeks. “What’s going on? What happened?”

He dropped the brownies he just baked in the kitchen and came back in. Bin wiped some of your tears away as he said, “They did it again.”

Felix is usually the nicest person in a room. His face however reflected nothing but disdain, “A day off is a day off…. How hard is it for them to get???” He wiped his forehead, trying to flatten the scowl he had on his face. 

“Guys it’s okay.” You said, knowing that all they are going to do is worry about you more.

Felix looked at you and said, “Actually not it isn’t, Cinnamon Roll. It’s not fucking okay. Not when you work so hard for so long that you can barely get out of bed… That is not okay.”

Chan said, “Okay screw this nooope.” He went into Bin’s room then his own and then his own. He emerged with his hoodie on and he threw the keys at Bin. “You are not going through this anymore, Angel. We told you. Naur.”

You looked and said, “Guys.”

Bin gently said, “Listen to me, okay. We talked about this. If they ever did this again, you said yourself that you couldn’t do it anymore. We told you, we are not going to let this happen, and you agreed, did you not?”

“Yes”

“Ookay so we are going right now. You’re done working there. Let’s go.” Bin left no room for discussion as you four piled into the car. These boys have seen you through it all, including passing out from exhaustion when they forced you to work doubles, and others spraining parts of your body you didn’t know you could sprain. That’s the times that are passing through Bin’s head. He hated seeing you like that… for a paycheck?? He couldn’t fathom it. Not when he makes enough and has a bed for you, a home if you say the word. No, he was done watching his Baby getting hurt for something he has plenty of. 

Chan was always worried sick about you. He knows about your history. He remembers the first times he noticed your scars. He didn’t pry, didn’t want you to feel bad. That made him fiercely protective of you. When you did tell him and you pulled up your right sleeve, he wanted to cry. He asked if he could touch it, and you said yes. He noticed some of them connected to make a pair of Angel wings. “Ah, you have the mark of an angel.” He traced it, “A warrior angel… You are so so strong… I’m gonna call you that, Angel.” Since then that has been your nickname.

Felix got so angry because he knew the trigger for you was emotion regulation, and while no one was watching you were digging into your right forearm with your left.  He caught you once, 5 weeks ago. He had tears in his eyes as he helped you clean it. He asked you how long, what triggered it, and how he could help. He just wanted to help his Cinamon Roll. He went with you to tell Bin of the relapse and since then at least 3 times a week he’s at your place, helping take your mind off of the stress, even if it means him staying with you until Bin comes to yours. 

He noticed in the car your left hand was scratching at the old scars again, he held his hand out and said, “hold my hand… I need affection.” as he fake cried. You giggled as you grabbed his hand, stopping the urge to fiddle. 

As soon as the car stopped Bin hopped out and opened the door for you. When they walked in Bin knew who he was looking for as your manager glared at you and said “You’re late.”

Bin laughed as he approached them, “late for what? Another shift you didn’t tell them about?”

They were speechless, as he continued, “Do you know what they go through for you? I love them so much and all you do is hurt them… That stops today, okay. No two weeks notice, no nothing.” 

Their jaw dropped and he said, “Oh doesn’t feel so nice does it? Not knowing if something was going to happen… Well your staff shortage, just got worse. If the last check isn’t in the mail on time, then we are coming back, and you will be dealing with 8 very pissed-off men who have a lot of connections and millions of people in their fanbase… Bad press wouldn’t begin to cover it. Okay? Am I clear?” 

They just nodded and he said, “Good. Jagia, do you have anything you need from your locker?” 

You said, “Yeah I do.”

Bin looked at Chan and he nodded, Chan switched out with Bin and said, “We’re going to have a little chat about leadership and manners. Okay?” 

Bin went to you and escorted you to get your things. Once you have everything you both went back to the front and signaled Felix and Chan to fall back. You couldn’t explain the relief as you walked to the car. When Felix and Chan got in the car. Bin opened the door for you. Before you got in he kissed your scars and said, “I love you… all of you, it’s over, okay? I got you.” Tears started to paint your face as he kissed you. Before he started crying he guided you in and closed the door. 

Right after he closed his door he said, “So I don’t know about everyone else but Y/N’s day is now free which means we go to their favorite pastry shop and get those Apple Cinamon Rolls and have a movie marathon. If you don’t like it too bad we are doing it anyway!!”

You started giggling as Chan cranked the stereo. You had a lot of things that you deal with yes, but this moment let you realize, that you weren’t going through it alone. Especially not with Binnie, Lixie, and Chan. ----------------------------------------------------------------

Liked it? Tell me so!

Want in on the tags? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

THE CHAOS EXPRESS 🚂❤️❤️

@Fuckthinking, @feybin , @1-800-shedevil , @channiesbakery, @channieswhore , @hwangswhore , @seungminhour , @skzms, @angstraykids, @roseykat , @seventeenytiny , @dreaming-medium , @thunderous-wolf , @hanjsquokka , @moonjxsung , @diddybok , @fics-lovebot, @seungminssangel, @straykeedz, @tasteracha, @ven-fic-recs , @euphoric-univers, @camilagonzalex, @juskz, @antoniorhinothethird, @mariteez, @armystay89, @i-like-nougat, @yeonjunsfox, 

@laylasbunbunny ,@uwuitsjungwoo , @3racha-soup , @bandolls , @bomi-ja , @skzfairyyyf8te , @3rachababygirl , @symptoms-of-moonlight , @hiddlestandom , @stay-fr0sty-r0yal-milk-tea , @8rach4, @bear8585 , @tenshimara , @galamxy, @fairlylilo , @skzms, @lolareadsimagines , @lillithathecat , @manuosorioh , @jazziwritesthings , @soulsbbg , @tuskaruska , @emmxxsworld , @maaatyroshka , @orchid-mantis-petals , @thisrandomgoofy15 , @lolareadsimagines , @notastraykid , 

[bellaxgiornata]

Just over here having fun booping everyone this morning and then I started thinking about Matt, Mikey, and Frank in my head and wondering how they'd feel if they were getting booped sporadically and it made me laugh. So, here's another one of those weird character dialgoue things below the cut!

Matt, running a hand over his face: That's like the fifteenth time someone has booped my nose in the past three minutes. How am I supposed to focus on anything today? Or sleep? Or get anything done?

Frank, pausing with his coffee midway to his mouth and frowning: ...the fuck keeps touching my goddamn nose?

Michael, focused on his book on the couch: It's that tumblr boop thing Bella is doin'. She's now just imaginin' everyone boopin' our noses instead.

Frank, eyeing Michael curiously over his coffee: The hell you look so comfortable over there for then? Isn't this--[Frank, pausing and swatting at the air in front of his face aggressively] Isn't this bothering you, too?

Michael, shrugging: Not really. Bella's havin' fun with it.

Matt, muttering under his breath: You're just sucking up to her because she's working on your stories...

Michael, glancing up from over the top of his book: Let the lady have her fun. She's had a long--[pauses for repeated boops]

Frank, grinning as Michael just sits there making a face: You good there, buddy? She's had a long what? What were you saying? Didn't catch that.

Michael, gradually opening his eyes with a flat expression on his face: Long weekend. Alrigh' I'll admit, that was quite an aggressive boopin' just now. I see your point.

Matt: I don't see how--[pauses for boop] I don't see how we're--[pauses for boop] I don't see how Bella expects to--[pauses for boop]

[Matt, irritated and rising to his feet, throwing his hands on his hips as he paces the living room]

Frank, sighing as he focuses on Michael: How long is this gonna be goin' on for?

Michael, shrugging again: I dunno, it just started so I imagine for--[pauses for boop] --a bit.

Frank, shaking his head: Goddammit, that's just--[pauses in irritation for repeated booping] DAMMIT, BELLA!

[h-c-u]

Was it ever really love?

Summary: You break up with your fiancé, and right after you throw your engagement ring at him, you go to Toto's room... 

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader 

W/C: 6.3k

Rating: +18, age gap, size kink, dirty talk, light dom/sub, oral sex (fem receiving), squirting, edging, choking, drooling, biting, breeding kink

TWs: dubious consent in the end (the reader is so consensually fucked out that TECHNICALLY she's not in the right state to agree to anything)

A/N: I mean... So that happened. Exactly what's in the rating. You are responsible for the media you consume, so if you're not into it - please scroll away :) Oh yeah, and it's like 90% smut.

Masterlist | List of tags

- Isn't it enough that I am telling you that I've never cheated on you!? - you were sure everyone in neighboring rooms and the corridor heard what you were fighting about.

- Apparently, it's not! How can I believe you if you're always with him!? You always run to him to sign something, pass the documents, and make sure he remembers about the meetings! For fucks sake, you do that even in the middle of the night, when you're in bed with me!

- Yes, BECAUSE THAT'S MY FUCKING JOB! IT'S LITERALLY IN THE DESCRIPTION BECAUSE I'M HIS FUCKING ASSISTANT!!! - you couldn't help raising your voice, because it definitely wasn't the first time you were fighting about it.

- OH, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE THE ONE ASSISTANT NOT FUCKING THEIR BOSS!?!? - this conversation wasn't going anywhere, but neither of you was going to stop now.

- YES!!! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM TELLING YOU!!! - the stress of another lost race was getting to the both of you, and it was just too much. - Wait. Is that what it's all about!? You don't believe me, BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING YOUR OWN ASSISTANT!?!? - it suddenly hit you, and you started to connect dots in your head quicker than Sherlock Holmes. - Oh my fucking god, you are... - you had to sit down not to fall over.

- What gave you that idea? - he asked much quieter but equally angry.

- And you're not even denying it... How the fuck I could have been so fucking blind. Maybe you're right, maybe I was spending too much with him to notice that you are SUCH A FUCKING BASTARD. YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU CHOSE THE FUCKING DATE! - you stood up again and with a speed and intensity of a tornado, you started throwing your things in your bag. - YOU CHOSE THE FUCKING VENUE!!! – fortunately, you didn't have much to pack, since it was supposed to be just a weekend trip. - YOU STARTED MAKING A GUEST LIST!!! - you moved to the bathroom to get your things from there, and he didn't even try to stop you. - ALL THAT, WHILE YOU WERE FUCKING SOPHIE!?!? - he still hasn't denied that, and that was all you needed. - You know what...? - you closed the zipper of your bag with such vigor that you almost broke it. - We're fucking over, I'm done. And just so we're fucking clear - I never slept with him. Not even fucking once, you motherfucker. - it wasn't the best of your insults, but you no longer cared. You took off your engagement ring and threw it at him. - Here, give it to Sophie, I bet she'll love it since she took you second hand. - he didn't even try to stop you when you took your things and left. You were still fuming, and you honestly didn't know what you were supposed to do.

If anyone looked at you, they would be hit with a ricochet, and that wouldn't be good for anyone if you wanted to get another room in this hotel. And then it hit you. You knew exactly what you were going to do.

You marched down the corridor to the suite you were in so many times and with determination on your face, you knocked at the door. It was already late, but you knew he wouldn't be sleeping just yet, so you weren't afraid about waking him up.

- Y/n..? What do you need? - the door finally opened, and you had to look up to look Toto in the eyes.

- Funny you should ask. I need you to fuck the anger and frustration out of me. - you surprised not only him but also yourself with your boldness.

- I'm sorry, what? What about...? - he was clearly meant to ask about your now ex-fiancé, but you cut him off.

- We just broke up. - you motioned to the bag hanging currently on your arm. - So? Are you going to do it, or will I have to find someone else? - the adrenaline from the fight was still running high in your veins, that's why your voice wasn't shaking.

Instead of responding, your boss grabbed the strap of your bag and used it to pull you closer. You couldn't help but smile when you kicked the doors closed and he pushed you against it. You didn't even notice that the bag landed on the floor because he was already kissing you hungrily as his life depended on it, and you gave in... Well, at least for now.

His arms caged you against the door, which with his much taller figure meant that there was no way you could get away without him allowing you to do so. While the kiss was frantic and impatient, his other moves were much more calculated, because he put his knee in between your thighs, and started rubbing your crotch through the thick material of your jeans, but even that was enough to make you moan into his mouth, which only made him smile.

- If I knew you were such a horny pretty little thing, I would have done that much sooner... - he growled, bit your lower lip, and pulled on it, and you had no choice but to follow. And you did…

You kicked off the shoes off your feet and grabbed the front of his shirt, stopping him from moving further toward the bedroom, and while your bottom lip, was still locked in between his teeth, you aggressively sucked and bit his top lip, while reaching for his hands and putting them under your ass. You didn't have to say anything more, because he lifted you exactly when you jumped and locked your legs around his hips, which also meant that your faces were on a similar level now and he no longer had to crook his neck at the uncomfortable angle just to kiss you.

While he was walking in the direction of the bedroom, you started to unbutton your Mercedes-branded shirt, revealing a soft, see-through white bra, which left very little to the imagination. It didn't have any complicated lace pattern, but as soon as Toto saw it, he stopped kissing you and with his teeth grabbed one strap and pulled it down, and then the other, making it easier for you to take it off completely, but you knew he did that just to indulge himself because he didn't break the eye contact even for a moment and gave you a cheeky smile right after.

When the top part of your wardrobe landed somewhere on the floor, you finally moved to his. Due to the position of your hips, you couldn't unbutton it all the way, but he was already ahead of you. Sure, he could put you down, but the other option seemed much more fun, so he tossed you a bit higher into the air and moved his left arm, so now your ass was resting against his forearm, while his right was snaking under the white material. You pulled the shirt up just as his hand was on its way back to your butt cheeks. You maneuvered the material around his head and down his right arm, so he could take it off completely, and when he did, you were finally able to feel his hot skin clashing against yours. You could almost hear the blood rushing through your veins when you rubbed your whole torso against his. which got you a low growl deep from his chest.

You rested one hand on his shoulder, while the other found its way to the back of his neck, and you pulled him closer, catching his lips in yours. It was scarily easy to lose yourself in him, but right now you were far beyond caring and there was no time or space for any feelings between you two right now.

Only a few seconds passed since you kicked the doors closed, yet somehow it felt like a small eternity filled with so many sensations... The taste of his tongue on yours... His natural scent filling your nostrils and making you lightheaded... His hot skin under your fingers and against our body... His hands, kneading your ass while gently moving you up and down, forcing you to grind against him... His rough kisses leaving your lips puffed and oversensitive... It was like he knew exactly what you needed and was giving it to you without any questions.

- Be a good girl and unbutton your jeans... - he whispered in between the kisses, and you happily obliged, sliding your hands over his naked torso, until you got to the band of your trousers and undid both the button and the zipper. He slowly moved first one hand under the material and then the other, so there was another point of skin-to-skin contact, and you realized you were finally in his bedroom with his legs touching the edge of the bed.

He gently put you on the sheets; the tenderness in this move was contrasting so much with everything both of you were doing up to this point, which surprised you a bit. Especially when he slowly started pulling your pants and underwear down, kissing, licking, and biting every new patch of skin that showed up on your right leg, and it somehow turned you on even more. And when you were completely naked in front of him, he went right back up, marking every part of your other leg, until he stopped on the inside of your thigh, so close to your core.

- Are you sure you want this...? - he asked quietly, giving you one last chance to back out. And you knew that if you chose to do that, he would have never mentioned whatever just happened. But you not only wanted it… You needed it. You needed to get rid of all emotions, to forget, to throw away all the stress and anger currently bubbling under your skin.

- Yes, I am sure... And don't hold back, I need to feel anything but emotions. - you added, although based on his actions leading to this moment, you suspected you didn't need to.

- Your wish is my command... - you couldn't help but smile at the sight of the devilish grin that sprawled on his lips, but instead of being rough and messy, like he was just a few minutes ago, he started gently licking your slick from the outside part of your folds... You could feel the scratch of his unshaven five-o-clock shadow on the inside of your thigh and his warm breath just where you wished his tongue was, but he was merciless and meticulous as if he wanted to savor every little part of you. And with every lick and every gentle suck, you were getting more and more sensitive, so when he finally dove in, you were already panting, grasping the sheets in your hands, and you simply couldn't stop squirming and bucking your hips, even when he bit the inside of your thigh as a warning.

So instead of following your unpredictable moves, he wrapped his arms around your thighs in an iron grip so you weren't able to move your hips even by an inch... And he went right back down, pulling you flush against his mouth and keeping you there, no matter how hard you tried to react, to move even closer, or away from the sudden overstimulation. His tongue was circling around that sensitive bud, focusing a little bit more on the place just above it and it made your vision go white.

- Ffffuck... Just like that... Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop... - and he definitely didn't. He also didn't slow down or sped up, because he was experienced enough to realize that when a woman was telling him not to stop, it didn't mean to change anything, so he did just that until your whole body curled up. You squeezed his head with your thighs and grasped his hair with your hands so hard, that it actually hurt, but even then he didn't stop completely, licking your juices while you were trying to catch your breath, and when he felt your body relaxed in his arms, he picked up the tempo again, determined to make you forget everything but his name.

The sounds his tongue made in between your soaked folds were lewd and obscene, but you didn't have time to focus on any of that, because you could feel the second wave approaching much quicker than the first one. This time you looked down, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw his piercing dark eyes drilling into your soul with such intensity... You realized you won't be able to walk straight after the things he'll do to you, and just the thought of it was enough to push you over the peak and you couldn't help but to break the eye contact, because your eyes rolled back...

You could feel the electricity running through your body until it reached every single nerve ending, sending you into such an overstimulated state, that even the slightest touch hurt. His arms locked around your hips felt as if they were made of metal, his tongue was made of fire, his 5 o'clock shadow became rough sandpaper, the sheets under your back were made out of tiny spikes, the air in your lungs felt like steam and yet... He didn't stop. And what was more important - you didn't tell him to stop... You wanted him to pull you to the top and push you over it again, and you knew he was more than capable of doing so. And he did just that... Only this time you almost blacked out from the intensity of it, but you could still feel the release of the accumulated pressure deep inside you. You didn't process why, but you felt him chuckling against your skin, and only then you realized that he was actually swallowing your release. Which could only mean...

You almost immediately hid your face in your hands from embarrassment... It was supposed to be a quick one-night stand with your boss, an act of revenge towards your ex-fiancé. But here you were. In his bed. Squirting.

Toto finally released his grip on your hips, so you could move again, but before you were able to do anything, you felt the weight shifting on the mattress, and you could tell he was crawling up.

- Such a tasty little pussy you have there... You've been holding out on me, dear. - he said in a voice deeper than you've ever heard him use, while slowly moving your hands from your face above your head, where he held them both in only one of his, while the other found its way under your chin and forced you to look at him. - Here, see for yourself... - he growled and leaned down to kiss you. Technically you could turn your head away, and tell him to stop, but after coming three times in a row, most of your inhibitions went out of the window.

You could taste yourself on his tongue... And honestly - you were pleasantly surprised. It was a bit sour, but not overwhelmingly so, with a hint of actual sweetness. You didn't know what you were expecting, but it wasn't this. And even though the taste quickly faded away from both of your mouths, you couldn't stop kissing him, while his free hand slowly traveled down your body, taking a short stop to gently squeeze your nipples, but when you bucked away from his touch there, he stopped and pulled slightly away so he could look at you, his eyes instantly full of familiar softness.

- Are you in pain? Tell me. - he demanded, and you wanted to hide your face again, but it would be hard at the moment. He didn't know you well enough to know what your boundaries were, and he didn't want to assume anything.

- I am not in pain... - you whispered. - Well, not like that. I'm fine, I promise. It's just... They're really fucking sensitive when... - you could feel your cheeks heating up.

- When...? - he urged you to finish that sentence.

- When I'm ovulating. So, if we could skip touching them, I'd be grateful. - you wanted to end this conversation as quickly as possible, but his devilish grin told you that he already had a plan.

- No touching it is... - he echoed. - At least for now... And tell me if anything I'm going to do will be too much. - you nodded, and as soon as you did, he moved a bit lower, so his face was lined up with your breasts. He very gently blew on one of your nipples, the cold air making it slowly tense and rise, which made you blush. No one ever showed you this kind of attention, so it was completely new.

You couldn't take your eyes off your boss, who was currently letting his saliva drop from his mouth directly onto your nipple, and as soon as it touched your skin, you felt the soothing coldness, which made you rapidly suck a substantial amount of air through your nose. Just as you did that, he gently blew on your wet skin again, and you couldn't stop a soft moan that escaped your mouth.

He continued doing that to your breasts until both were covered in a cold, slick mess, and you were squirming under him, because it just felt so good... You knew it shouldn't be, but somehow, he found a way to make it hot.

- I am going to touch now, but as soon as you tell me to stop, I will. Do you understand? - he asked, and you nodded enthusiastically, hands still above your head in his iron grip. He started on the outside of your breasts, gathering what was left of his saliva, and the contrast between your cold skin and his hot tongue made you arch your back, pushing everything closer to him, in search of that sensation again.

He was using just his tongue and his lips, making sure not to accidentally scratch your skin with his cheeks or chin currently covered in a rough stubble, since you've said you were sensitive to the point of pain. Your body was asking for more in such a pretty way that he couldn't say no, so he tested the waters and very gently run his tongue directly over your nipple, and when he heard the loud, obscene moan that left your lungs... It went straight to his cock. But tonight, wasn't about him... It was all about you. And he wanted to spend time getting to know your body better; to see how it reacted to his touch, where to push, press, where to pull, and what to do to get a reaction out of you.

You didn't know that, but he thought about having you for so long... All the long evenings together, you always being so close, the white branded shirt hugging your every feature so nicely... How could he not? There were times when his fist was closed around his cock as soon as you left the room, your subtle scent still present in the air, and he honesty couldn't count how many times he thought about you in the morning, under the shower, in the garage, in his office... So many places to fuck you, but you were unavailable… A forbidden fruit hanging so low, that he could practically taste it... But you were happily in love, and even though he knew he could make you much happier than that idiot, he didn't dare to do anything. Until you fell from the tree right onto his lap, and you were all his to take, to mark, to...

He let out a low growl to stop his thoughts from galloping where they shouldn't, instead focusing on your beautiful moans while he very gently sucked on your nipples, blowing on them from time to time to soothe the pain with coldness, and never spending too much time just on one... After all - he didn't want to hurt you, just to test your boundaries. And by your reaction, he could tell that he was far away from breaking you, so he slowly moved his hand down and gently rubbed your overstimulated clit, making your back arch into his touch.

You were relaxed enough from the previous orgasms, that he could start stretching you with not one finger, but with two, dividing his attention equally between your breasts and filling you in search for this sweet spot on your front wall, and when he found it... Music to his ears...

He would have never suspected that you would be so vocal, but here you were, moaning, begging, pleading, screaming for more, and he just couldn't refuse, so he added the third finger, filling you up more. There were tears streaming down your cheeks, leaving behind light streaks of mascara that was supposed to be waterproof. Gentle pain was mixing with extreme pleasure, his soft tongue and his rough fingers, his hot body and cool air... All the extremes were colliding with you in the exact center of it all. You were ready to fall apart, just to be built up again, and as if Toto was in your head, he began to put more pressure on your clit with his thumb, and that was enough to pull another orgasm from you, and you suddenly found yourself sitting and tightly holding his head against your chest, with your face in his hair. You didn't register when exactly he let go of your wrists, but you were finally free to touch him, to feel him, and you took full advantage of that, letting your hands run over his back.

- Fuck you're good... - he didn't say anything, the smirk on his face telling you everything you needed to know, and you shook your head with disbelief because you couldn't believe the cockiness. He knew he was a confident man, but this was different... - Thank you for that... I should... - you started, but the fingers that were still inside you started slowly moving again, making a beaconing gesture against your wall, and you inhaled sharply once again.

- Oh, darling... I'm just getting started... Have you honestly thought that I will just eat you out, stick a few fingers in your pussy, and that will be it...? - he teased you, playing just the right chords on your body. - Now that I finally had you, tasted you... I'm not letting you go so easily. - if his thumb wasn't putting constant pressure on your clit and his long fingers weren't filling and stretching you so nicely, maybe you would have been able to form coherent thoughts and say something. - And it would be a shame if your pretty little cunt missed out on something else stretching it and filling you to the brim, hmmm...? - you dug your nails in his shoulders because that was all you were able to do. He was learning your body so quickly and skillfully applying that knowledge in practice.

You were a perfect mess... Panting, too exhausted to even moan, and he hasn't even properly fucked you yet. Your hair was sticking to your face, and your whole body was covered with a thin layer of sweat, which was supposed to cool you down, but the fire he lit inside you was too strong, too hot, too overwhelming... It engulfed you whole, and there was no coming back; not when you knew how he could treat you... Just before he made you cum for the fourth time, he stopped, and the needy cry that left your lips was music to his ears. It was right then and there that you realized there was no chance that you wouldn't be back for more. And he was more than willing to give you everything you needed...

- Toto... Please... - you whispered against his neck, your hands holding to his body for dear life, so desperate for him to finish what he just started, but the devilish grin on his face told you that he had other plans. He gave your body a moment co calm down just enough so his next touch wouldn't push you over the edge again, and he started to tease you once more, this time purposefully missing that sweet spot on your front wall, while his fingers were still filling you ups so nicely, the burn of stretch almost completely non-existent. His thumb was grazing your clit from time to time, just enough to keep you on the brink of orgasm, but not enough to give you the release you so desperately wanted. And he kept you in that state for so long, that all the thoughts slowly started to disappear from your head, leaving behind only flaming heat and want.

- Oh, look at you... Such a desperate little slut and just for me... I bet he never got you to that state, didn't he...? - you could only shake your head, his words barely reaching you. – You’re so cock starved that you would let me do anything with you, just to have me inside you, wouldn’t you...? - you nodded enthusiastically and tried to reach down to unbuckle his belt, but he swatted your hands away. - Tell me first... - you weren't in a state to make any decisions... When your friends told you that they sometimes felt like a feral animal in heat, you thought it was just a figure of speech, but here you were... So overstimulated yet so filled with a specific need that your thoughts weren't your own; all that mattered was getting filled. - Would you let me cum inside of you...? Fill you up so much you would be leaking for days...? - you had no control over your nodding head, but everything he was saying sounded amazing. - Put a baby in you, mark you in every way possible so everyone everywhere will know that such a perfect little cunt belongs to me? - you weren't sure if you even stopped nodding in between questions when he was peppering your neck with soft kisses that felt like butterflies made out of fire, and you could have sworn that every little kiss left behind a bright red mark, but that wasn't possible... was it...? - You truly don't know what I'm talking about, don't you...? - his devilish smirk only made you giggle. - Oh baby, we're gonna have so much fun... - he growled and finally got his fingers out of you, brought them to your mouth and you started to suck on them eagerly, chasing that newly familiar taste, while he undid his trousers with one hand and freed his cock, but you were too focused on the fingers in your mouth to even realize what just happened.

Only when you felt something smooth running slowly in between your folds, you realized that you were finally about to get what you needed. You gently bit his fingers from excitement, because you had no other way to release all the emotions bubbling under your skin, and as soon as you did that, he took the fingers out of your mouth and roughly grabbed your jaw to the point of pain. He forced you to look him in the eyes while he was slowly entering you, with your lips parted in the shape of a perfect "o".

Even though you were drenched, and he took his sweet time preparing you, there was still some pain. Not enough for you to ask him to stop, not in the state you were in, but enough for you to need a moment to adjust, which he seemed to understand because instead of moving, he leaned and placed a soft kiss on your lips, such a contrast to the words he said just a couple of minutes ago.

You wanted nothing more than to grind against him, but being pinned down under him made that difficult, although he seemed to read your thoughts, because his hand slipped down your body until it reached your knee, brought it up, and pinned it to the mattress, opening you up even more, making the burn a bit more manageable. And then he slowly started to pull out... At first, there was still that uncomfortable feeling, but as soon as the head of his cock run over that sweet spot on your front wall, your whole body twitched.

- There it is... There is my greedy little slut... - he whispered with a satisfied smile on his face. If you were able to think, you would probably wonder how the hell he managed to stay so composed while you were a leaking mess with nothing behind your eyes, but all you managed to do was moan when he entered you again, slowly picking up the pace, and moving his eyes down. - You're taking me so well, darling... Your pussy looks so beautiful all stretched out around my cock, I really wish you could see it in all its glory... - his words were entering your brain with one ear and almost immediately leaving with the other, but that didn't matter... What mattered was the fact that you were so close you could almost taste it, and every time he dragged his head in and out, he was getting you closer and closer. - One day I'm gonna fuck you in front of a mirror just so you could see up close how perfect your cunt looks with me inside you, but for now... - he moved his hand from your jaw to your hand and brought it to your abdomen, covering it with his own there. At first, you weren't sure why he did that, but then you felt it... Your skin was bulging and stretching every time he entered you; you could feel the outline of his cock and now you regretted you haven’t seen it before he started fucking you.

And then he caught your gaze, and put more pressure on your hand, and by extension - himself and this simple thing were enough to send you rushing in the arms of another release, while he was holding your hand in one place with an iron grip. He didn't even slow down when you squirted again, wetting the bedding and his trousers with your release, he just pushed and pushed, and pushed, until you had nothing else to give, and yet he still managed to take even more.

He changed the positions a little bit, wrapping his arms under your shoulders to find more leverage, and started hammering into you at a brutal pace, while you were still high on your last orgasm, and you weren't even able to form even a simple "please". With your walls still spasming around him, it didn't take him long to finish, and when he did, he pushed deep into you, holding you in an iron grip, so there was no chance you could escape even if you wanted to. He harshly bit the place where your shoulder met your neck, leaving behind a mark that would definitely bruise soon, and just as he did that, you could actually feel his warm cum spraying against your wall, which ticked just a little, but that was the last thing on your mind.

He was still panting when you moved your hand to his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. No words needed...

Eventually, he turned around, pulling you on top of him, careful not to slip out of you... His arms were wrapped tightly around you, keeping you in place, while your legs were spread around his hips.

Slowly but surely, your brain started to become your own again… You placed your hands under your chin and started thinking about the consequences of what just happened.

- Toto...? - you eventually said, your voice deep, raspy, and almost broken from all the moaning, screaming, and crying.

- Hmmm? - he asked, not even looking at you, but his thumbs started gently caressing your skin.

- Do you really want a kid? - he raised his head and looked at you with his eyes barely open.

- Not just any kid... - he replied. - I want you to bring our child into this world. And I don't want to stop just on one... - he smirked, and you smiled in reply. He knew that about a year ago you tried to get pregnant with your fiancé, and how excited you were to be a mum. A few times he was the one to actually drive you to your appointments, but even though everything was ok with you, you never managed to get pregnant with your now ex, which - from today's perspective - was more than fine.

- Then we better make sure it will take... - you knew this was crazy, but you actively chose not to think about it too much, which wasn't that hard with Toto's hands gently turning you around, switching your position and moving both of you from the wet patch of your doing, so both of you were on your side with your back pressed tightly against his torso. He finally kicked his damp pants off completely, so both of you were naked.

Even before he started slowly grinding against you, he was already growing inside you, which was a sensation you’d never felt before. You could feel your juices mixed with his release slowly dripping out of you and around him, but he did his best to fuck it right back into you. His left hand was on your abdomen, so he could feel himself through your skin, and he gently wrapped his right around your neck, putting a small amount of pressure. Not enough to cut either air or blood supply, but enough so you could be always aware of its heavy weight there.

This time he moved much slower, savoring every feeling, and focusing more on himself than on you, but you honestly didn't mind. Even though your thoughts were much more coherent there were still stumbling in that pleasant fog filling your mind. You moved your hands to cover his because you needed to hold onto something, and it seemed like the most logical option to not let go of reality because everything felt like a perfect dream. His moves were hitting all the right spots, forcing the air out of your lungs, the warmth of his breath pleasantly hugged your neck, where he put his head, while your own was currently resting on his shoulder, your lips so close to each other, that one turn from either of you would be enough for a kiss.

His movements were sloppy and irregular… You weren't able to predict when his hips snap again and the tip of his cock would grind against your g-spot, so you couldn't prepare for it and all you could do was react to whatever he was doing to you. This time both of you were much quieter... No loud moans, no screams, no desperate cries, it was much more... intimate - with barely audible whimpers, deep breaths, and unspoken pleads and promises.

It took him a while to widen his movements so more of him was leaving your body, which made you hook your feet behind his calf in involuntary reaction because you honestly didn't know what you wanted or needed to do. You just didn't want this moment to stop...

You finally turned your head and caught his lips in a messy kiss, while his movements quickened, and his fingers put more pressure on both your abdomen and the artery in your neck, slowly restricting the oxygen supply to your brain, making it even harder to think, but in the end... wasn't it exactly what you asked for...?

You weren't sure if he was able to manipulate your body to that degree or control his own so well, but he squeezed your throat harder and pushed on your lower abdomen at the same time he reached his peak, so the two of you came in the exact same time. As soon as you felt your walls spasming around him, he released the grip he had on your throat, allowing a fresh dose of oxygen to flood your brain, making your orgasm much stronger. You felt the muscles in your legs tense up, and your hips pushed back, taking his cock even deeper. Your back so hard, that he actually had to use his muscles to hold you in place...

And then you collapsed in his arms while he held you flush against his body, gently rubbing your abdomen with his fingers, like he was trying to ascertain if he was able to already get you pregnant. Logically he knew it wasn't possible to tell that fast, but it didn't stop him from imagining a new life already growing inside you, the mere thought of it making his cock twitch.

When you finally came down from cloud nine, you reached back and put your hand on his neck and pulled him into a sloppy kiss, trying to turn around, but he didn't let you, because he didn't want to risk even a drop of his cum leaking out of you.

- You did so well... - he whispered straight into your ear. - Your pussy took me so perfectly that nothing in the world could compare, and I'm never letting you go... From now on - you're mine. Do you understand? - the growl in his voice should scare you because even so fucked out you could tell that there was something dangerous behind it, but somehow... His claim on you made you feel... safe. So instead, you smiled and nodded in reply, and he started to leave deep red hickeys anywhere his mouth could reach in that position.

Your whole life had just changed...

And you couldn't help but love it. 

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :)

Love,

G.

[gotham--fc]

Pumpkin Carving Gone Wrong - An Emily Sonnett Imagine

Hello I'm back! The first of 2 (two!!) Halloween fics. I know most of you voted jflem for this but the idea I had just fit Sonnett I really had no choice

Summary: Basically what the title says. Sonnett and R try to carve pumpkins and it all goes awry

TW: Blood mention

Y/N loves Halloween. It’s arguably her most favourite holiday of the year, the costumes, the candy, the whole vibe, she loves it. It’s great for her that her girlfriend, one Emily Sonnett, loves Halloween too. Halloween provides such a great atmosphere for pranking and scaring their friends, so naturally, Sonnett gets really into Halloween.

“You still wanna carve pumpkins this weekend babe?” Y/N asks.

“Of course I do, I wanna carve something funny on mine.”

“Like what?” Y/N asks. She walks over to where Sonnett is frying up a tortilla.

“It’s a surprise,” Sonnett says.

No matter how much Y/N asks, Sonnett won’t tell. As curious as she is, she knows her girlfriend is twice as stubborn and won’t say a word until she wants to. So Y/N knows she has to wait until this weekend to know what Sonnett is planning on carving onto her pumpkin.

Finally, when the weekend arrives, Y/N is doubly excited. Not only does she get to carve a pumpkin, which she loves, she also gets to finally find out what her girlfriend is planning. They go to the store and pick out two pumpkins, one each. Y/N’s is fairly normally pumpkin shaped, but Sonnett picked the most disformed, oddly shaped one they had. Typical.

They get home and start carving. Y/N splits her focus between her own pumpkin and trying to decipher what Sonnett is carving. Then Sonnett looks up and notices Y/N’s interest.

“Hey! Focus on your own pumpkin,” Sonnett says, “Let me work in peace.”

“I just wanna know what you’re carving!”

“You’ll find out when I’m done!”

“Please,” Y/N whines, “Just tell me!”

“No!”

Y/N leans over and tries to look at the front of Sonnett’s pumpkin. Sonnett laughs and pushes Y/N away. They struggle for a few moments before a sharp pain makes Y/N stop. She looks down and notices her own knife, which she set down before trying to look at Sonnett’s pumpkin was closer than she remembered, and that she accidentally dropped her hand on top of it. She sees a few inches long slice down her thumb and blood beginning to drip from the cut.

“Oh shit.”

“What? Did you mess up your pumpkin?” Sonnett asks. She looks over when Y/N doesn’t respond and her face pales when she sees the cut.

“Oh fuck.”

Sonnett scrambles to her feet and returns with a large amount of paper towel which she presses to Y/N’s hand. It’s entirely too much for how large the cut actually is, but Y/N doesn’t have time to say anything about it until Sonnett starts panic rambling.

“What do we do? Does it hurt? Do you feel dizzy? Do we need to go to the hospital? We should go to the hospital. We definitely should because it probably needs stitches and you could bleed out and oh god what if you bleed out–”

“Emily Sonnett!” Y/N says loudly. Sonnett’s head snaps to Y/N. “Take a deep breath. I’m not bleeding out.” Y/N looks down at the paper towel which is slowly turning red. “I probably need stitches, but I am not bleeding out. Calm down.”

“Okay. Okay. So what do we… What do we do?”

One long hospital trip and five stitches later, they’re on their way back home. Sonnett stayed with Y/N the whole time they waited for a doctor and the whole time they put the stitches in, even if she gagged a little when they were putting them in. They come back and see the pumpkins still waiting on the kitchen floor.

“Will you tell me now what you were carving?” Y/N asks.

“I suppose since you were willing to cut your own thumb off to know,” Sonnett says, “I was gonna do a ghost and then say it was Rose because she’s so pale.”

Y/N laughs, she can’t help it.

“Honestly, stitches and all, it was worth it to make you tell me before you were finished.”

[yunjardi]

my heart bel♡ngs to daddy [series]

[young sugar daddy jake x fem.reader au]

--------------------------------------------

[click here for this series's masterlist to read previous chapters, general warnings, and playlist]

[‼️chapter warnings‼️: smut [mdni], DADDY KINK, angst, family issues are mentioned (the plot thickens??? 👀👀👀), degradation kink, reader gets lifted up by jake, unprotected sex, spanking, oral, rough angry sex]

*sorry for any grammar errors

--------------------------------------------

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

chapter 11: pretty boys, ugly consequences

"so yeah, i'm freaking the fuck out right now!" you exclaimed over the phone to yeji while you paced around you bedroom.

"okay so you mean to tell me," yeji started, "that you unknowingly slept with one of jake's friends?"

"yes, that's exactly what i'm saying," you sighed as you flopped onto your bed, "what am i supposed to do? should i tell him? do you think his friend told him already? oh god i have so many questions." your mind was in a state of panic as you quickly hopped off your bed and began pacing anxiously again. "and, to top everything off, his huge birthday dinner get-together thing he does every year is next weekend! that makes me not want to tell him even more." you groaned, annoyed at yourself for your past actions.

"i know you already know this but," yeji sighed, "i think you might be fucked, and not in a good way." she managed to joke and lift the mood.

"okay, i'm just gonna distract myself by working on our project because i do not want to think about this right now," you declared as you began to set your notebooks and other school supplies down on your desk, "i'll see how much work i can get done before we meet up with innie again. i'll talk to you later, yej."

after hanging up the phone, you turned it face-down so that you could put your full focus into this final project, in mind that it was practically your ticket to graduation.

'jake is the least of my worries right now,' you reassured yourself, 'you don't need him; you can stand on your own. so what if he gets upset at you?'

you tried to instill those thoughts in your mind to ensure that you kept your eyes on what's really important.

but that left you to wonder:

what is it that's important to me right now?

--------------------------------------------

it was your first time back at work after finding out that those videos of you and jake were leaked, and you couldn't help but notice that you were getting a few side-eyes and stares from people who may or may not have recognized you.

you were just doing the usual: wiping down the marble countertops as if there was anything to wipe off, making sure the crystal wine glasses looked overly presentable, serving shots and hoping that the customers were shamelessly horny enough to give you tips; basically just minding your own business and doing your job.

that was until you heard the bells on the entrance door jingle, signifying that customers had just entered.

"hi, how can i help you-" you stopped yourself as your voice weakened.

after ages of not seeing them, the girls were back. well, not all of them. this time, it was just the main girl who usually instigated everything; the ringleader of the other girls. you tried to hide your nervous gulp as you slapped a smile back on your face.

"hello again," you started your greeting over as if nothing happened, "do you want to look at the menu or do you know what you want to order or-"

"what i want is for you to stay away from jake, that's what," she said sternly with a straight yet evil-looking face, "you really thought that no one would confront you directly about those videos and pictures? i'm not sure if i'm the first one to say this, but dirty whores like you with these dead-end jobs don't deserve a classy man like him. i knew who you were from day-one when i first walked into this bar with my friends, and if you think that you can just swoop in and use jake for his money then-"

"i'm gonna have to respectfully ask you to leave," your voice stiffened, "this establishment does not tolerate the harassment of their employees no matter the issue, but if there is a real problem, meaning with my service, feel free to call management. i would think a supposed 'woman of class' like you would know how to act in public and how to treat people, but behold, i stand corrected."

you have no idea how you were able to curate the speech on a whim, especially with the tears that were threatening to leak from your eyes.

"if you still want to have a word, we could at least step outside to avoid disturbing the other guests," you said, maintaining your professionalism although all you wanted to do was yank her hair out and claw her eyes until her eyelash extensions came loose, "then after that, you may leave."

"sounds great," she said with blatant sarcasm, though still agreeing to your proposition.

you stepped out from behind the bar and began leading the way out, trying to remain calm and maintain your professionalism though you could feel yourself about to combust.

right when you guys stepped outside to the back of the bar where it was private and no one could see, she immediately started to take her anger out on you.

"good, now i can say more without anyone batting an eye," her tone coming off cocky and honestly mildly demonic, "i'm gonna need you to step out of the picture, got it? if anything, you're embarrassing yourself by thinking that you, a nobody, can kiss all over jake and manipulate him to give you money. yeah, i've seen you two wearing little matching expensive clothes that i know for a fact he bought, and it makes me laugh every time knowing that it's the only time that you'll ever get a mere taste of luxury. jake doesn't love you; he just needs a random whore to fuck every now-and-then. you are not special."

you were absolutely appalled at the audacity that this girl had, and for a second you were literally speechless, but you had to think of a response. fast.

"you don't know me, and you especially don't know what's going on between me and jake because that's no one's business. am i ashamed that those videos leaked? yes, i am. but are me and jake gonna move past it? yes, we are. oh yeah, and i also don't appreciate the fact that you came all the way over to my workplace to start a fight. it's completely immature of you, and we should just stop because there's no point in-"

slap!

your world felt as if it stopped spinning the second her hand came in contact with your face, and it took you awhile to regain sense of what was happening. you two just stood there in front of each other, her face red with rage and breathing heavily while your face was frozen in shock.

"this is the last time i ever try to make sense of a commoner's actions," she mumbled as she stormed off, the fur on her coat fluttering in the cold autumn wind. meanwhile, you stood in place for what felt like hours, not wanting to move in fear of encountering her, but you decided to push your fear-induced thoughts out of your mind and head into the bar from the back door.

once you finally stepped inside the building from the back door that lead into the employee break room, your adrenaline rush from the dramatic string of events came to a screeching halt. finally, the tears that you'd been holding back began to trickle down the cold skin of your face.

you decided to burst into the employee bathroom and make yourself look like less of a mess to go ask your boss if you could head home because you aren't 'feeling well.' technically, it wasn't a lie, so you didn't feel that bad about doing it. thankfully, she agreed, seeing that you kinda looked rough. you thanked her for letting you go home before speeding out the back door.

today was enough humiliation to last you the rest of your life.

--------------------------------------------

you found yourself curled up in a thick blanket for hours, barely moving at all, and just staring blankly into oblivion.

you still hadn't fully processed what the hell just happened but from what you did know, you weren't having any of it. how and why did you just let her get away with disrespecting you like that? you felt weak for not saying or doing more but also felt embarrassed for what you did do and how pathetic it must have sounded. overall, you felt so stupid and ashamed for simply living your life. the first time you ever felt like this was because of your "family", and now a complete stranger has made you feel like the empty shell you were back then.

lost in your thoughts, you didn't even realize that your phone was buzzing on the other side of the bed. you groaned, annoyed that you had to move from your comfy blanket cavern, and reached over to check your phone.

2 missed calls from jake🤍

your stomach sank, feeling uncertain of whether or not you should call him back. but then, not even a second later, you found yourself hitting the 'call back' button and hoping that he'd pick up the phone. the phone rang twice before you were greeted by his cute aussie voice.

"hey, princess. are you doing okay? you haven't texted all day," jake said with a bit of a pouty voice, "i miss you."

those three words made your heart feel warm and fuzzy. jake had a way of simply making you feel all smiley and stuff despite the shitty day you had.

"aww, puppy," you gushed, "i'm sorry i was just caught up with work, that's all." you swore you could see his smile over the phone.

"well..." he trailed off, "can i come over? please, please, please?" he begged cutely. you were nervous to say yes considering that you still looked a mess from the shitty day you had, but you figured jake wouldn't care so you eventually agreed.

"i was hoping you'd say yes," jake chuckled, "i'll be there in a few." he said before hanging up the phone.

were you even ready to see him again?

--------------------------------------------

it began to settle in how nervous you were to see jake. you were trying your best to shake out the thoughts of that girl who basically told you to never look at jake again, and the fact that you fucked one of his friends without knowing it.

before you could let your mind run wild even more, your thoughts were interrupted by a ring.

you let out an annoyed sigh when you realized you had to leave your cozy blanket cavern to answer the chime of the doorbell. tossing the blanket off of yourself, you walked over to the door and opened it up.

even though you'd seen it, jake's new black hair still took you by surprise since you were so used to his blond, golden retriever-like hair. another thing that took you by surprise about his appearance was the fact that he was embracing his naturally wavy hair lately, which you liked quite a lot.

the first thing jake did upon entering your house was cupping your face in his big hands and giving you a soft kiss on the lips. "you looked stressed," jake said softly, justifying his actions. "a little bit," you admitted as you put your head on his chest, "i wanna lay down." you said with a muffled voice. "on your bed or the couch?" jake asked after scooping you up in his arms, which took you by surprise. "bed, please," you responded to which jake brought you over to your bed and gently placed you back on top of your cozy blanket.

you quickly curled up in the blanket again as jake dug through his designated clothing drawer to change into some comfy clothes. after he changed, he cozied himself next to you in bed.

"wanna talk about why you're stressed?" jake asked as if he knew that you were about to explode if you didn't get a few things off your chest. but you couldn't just tell him as if it was nothing. you couldn't just say 'well i feel guilty for sleeping with one of you're friends even though i had no idea he was your friend when i fucked him,' or 'i got verbally and physically assaulted by a girl while i was at work who's seemingly obsessed with you.'

it wasn't that simple.

so you just decided to spew some mild bullshit instead of fully telling him why you feel as if you're being eaten alive by your own thoughts.

"work was kinda crazy today," you said casually as if you didn't spend an unusual amount of time thinking about how you were going to respond to such a simple question, but at least your answer wasn't a complete lie. "my poor princess," jake pouted as he put his arm around you from behind, "do you want me to take some of that stress away?" jake asked with a small blanket of seduction in his tone.

you didn't think much before nodding your head in agreement. you knew you wanted him, but you just felt a little guilty having sex with him. but god, you really needed him at this point in time.

gently, jake sat you up before bending you over into a doggy-style position and placing a pillow underneath your stomach for extra comfort. jake had a way of being attentive toward unspoken things; he could tell you weren't in a mood to be all bent up in different positions, so he opted for just making sure you were comfortable while he fucked you.

this was another one of those times where you wished jake wasn't such a sweetheart to you.

being so lost in thought, you didn't notice that you were beginning to drift off to sleep in this comfy position jake put you in, which made jake chuckle at how cute you are.

"falling asleep on me?" jake questioned as he reached over to run his hands through your hair. "no!" you said with a sudden spark in your voice, "i promise i'm not, please fuck me." you begged with a whine. it never occurred to you how needy you were for jake until this very moment; literally pleading for him to fuck you.

"i'd never deny my princess of something she wants," jake chuckled sexily as he slipped your panties down with one of his hands and pulled down his sweats with the other. you arched your back for him, wanting him to hurry and fuck your wet pussy. jake noticed your nonverbal queue and smirked to himself, beginning to tease you by rubbing his veiny cock on your ass before toying with your clit with his tip.

eventually, he pushed his tip passed your entrance, making you let out a gasp at the way his tip stretched you out. "mmm, fuck," you moaned out through your bitten lip, surprising jake considering that he was barely inside you.

"feeling sensitive today, baby?" jake questioned sensually, "you're already moaning for me and it's just my tip." having him point it out made you slightly embarrassed. he could tell that you'd been sensitive when it came to sex the past few times you guys had fucked, which only made him want to fuck you even more.

"it already feels good," you moaned quietly as he continued to push his thick tip further into you. jake let his head fall back once he bottomed out, already feeling your wet walls tighten and pulse around him.

he gripped onto your hips as he began to thrust in and out of you. he didn't go too fast, but he didn't go too slow either; he went at a perfect pace, making his girthy tip poke at your g-spot with every long stroke.

"you're taking me so well, baby," jake praised you while kneading your ass and adoring your pretty body from behind, "is daddy making you feel good?" "so good, daddy," you whimpered again, loving the feeling of your ass bouncing against jake's hips, "w-wanna cum so bad."

hearing you say those words always made a switch go off in jake's brain, making him even more motivated to make you cum.

he pulled his soaking cock out of your pussy and slammed it back in, the pleasure traveling from your core down to your inner thighs. to speed up the process, you snaked your hand down to your clit and rubbed gentle circles around it while jake continued to pull himself out and roughly ram himself back in.

it didn't take long for you to start creaming on his cock, whining his name as you threw your ass back at him, fucking yourself on his arousal-soaked member. "daddy," you mewled out, "you make me feel so good."

he bent forward to plant a kiss on your shoulder, smiling to himself as he began to thrust in and out of you again. he watched you grab onto the blanket as you moaned from overstimulation. "aww, baby," jake cooed, "is it too much? do you want daddy to stop?" he asked, caressing your inner thighs. "please d-don't stop," you begged, "want daddy's cum first." jake smirked as he kneaded the soft flesh of your ass, already knowing that you didn't want him to stop until you were pumped full of his seed.

after getting clarification, jake began fucking you again, focusing on reaching his high so he could give you what you desired. "mmm, jakey, right there!" you unexpectedly moaned out loud as jake thrusted in and out of your overstimulated hole. "is daddy hitting your little spot again, hm?" jake cooed again as he kept pushing his thick cock deep into you. "m-mhm," you mewled shyly as you bit down on the bedsheets. "keep moaning my name like that and i won't be able to stop cumming inside you," jake said lowly as his thrusts grew sharper yet sloppier.

eventually, he unraveled, his warm cum filling you up just the way you liked it. jake let out a string of deep groans as he dug his nails into your hips, leaning forward to give you more kisses before finally pulling out.

the two of you shimmied back into your original cuddly position and got cozy again. 

“just a warning,” jake started with a light chuckle, “i’m not sure if i’ll have the same self control i had tonight later this weekend. let’s just say that the night the two of us are going to have after the guests leave the party is gonna be adventurous.” you let jake tilt your head to the side so he could kiss you, the two of you smiling into the kiss at the thought of that night until it hit you;

you’re definitely gonna see that guy again.

--------------------------------------------

you didn’t know if you should be excited because this would basically be your first time going to a ‘family function’ with jake or if you should be worried because it was basically written in stone that you were going to see the mystery man who you hooked up with who is apparently one of jake’s best friends. were you even allowed to have a good time at his little party when you were withholding such a big secret from him?

that basically summarized all the thoughts you were having the entirety of the time you were getting gussied up for his birthday gathering hosted by his parents at their huge manor. 

even the fact that you looked like a princess in the pink dress and faux fur shawl thingy that jake wanted you to wear couldn’t distract you from the likelihood of tonight turning out to be a disaster in terms of your relationship with jake. then again, maybe things were meant to fall apart this way; maybe this was how it would all end. it was supposedly a good thing that this situation may or may not drive a wedge between you and jake, considering how you experienced first-hand the consequences of mingling with the rich when you’re dirt compared to them, but why did it make your heart wrench hard enough to make you cry your small bit of makeup off?

another big kicker was the fact that he asked you to pack a bag because you two would most likely be staying the night at the manor. what did that mean in terms of your “relationship” with jake? his whole family is gonna be there and may assume that you guys are dating if you were staying the night there, and that was a whole other ordeal that you had to mentally deal with.

your thoughts hadn’t stopped eating away at you from the second you woke up to begin getting ready, and it was quickly becoming tiring. but still, you put on a bright and happy face once you heard the doorbell chime.

“happy birthday, handsome,” you greeted jake with a kiss on the lips upon opening the door. the birthday boy was clad in a pink satin button-up, that perfectly matched your dress, and dark trousers held up by an expensive-looking leather belt; he looked absolutely to-die-for, especially with his wavy black hair. everything about what he had going on with his look tonight was the move.

"you look so beautiful, y/n," jake said breathlessly as he adored the way you looked in your pretty pink dress, “it may be my birthday, but you’re gonna be the main event with how gorgeous you look.” jake’s comment, plus the fact that he said your name, instantly made you blush.

“don’t be cheesy,” you pouted as you tried to hide your face. “okay, okay,” jake chuckled as he picked up the large (designer) overnight bag you packed your clothes and essentials in, “shall we go?” you nodded, stepping out of your house and locking the door behind you.

things were about to get interesting.

--------------------------------------------

pulling into the obnoxiously long and large circular driveway of the manor was enough to make you feel so nervous that you were sick to your stomach, so what more when you actually got out of the car to go into the party?

jake could sense your tension and discomfort and decided to give you a kiss on the forehead to calm you down. 

“relax,” he smiled lightly, “i promise it’s not gonna be as bad as you think.” you gave him a sheepish smile before he got out of the car to open the passenger's-side door for you. 

the two of you began your walk from where jake parked his car all the way to the fancy entrance of the manor, the cold autumn wind brushing past you as you got closer and closer to the front door.

“ready?” jake asked, looking over at you before ringing the doorbell. you nodded, tightening your hold on his arm that was hooked around yours. jake reached out to press the doorbell button while your stomach churned nervously, hoping that the house was so big that it would take hours for someone to come and answer the door, but alas, the door opened sooner than you hoped. 

“ahh! our sweet birthday boy is here!” a female relative exclaimed with excitement before engulfing jake into a tight embrace to which he let out an “umph” in shock from how tight she seemed to squeeze him, “guys, c’mere! come say hello!” she motioned over to where the three of you stood. the sudden noise of small, pittering and pattering feet on the hardwood floors soon erupted, little kids running over from the play area to come greet jake. the kids crowded around him, hugging his lower body because that was all they could reach before jake crouched down to give each of them a squeeze. 

“you’re all growing up too fast,” jake pouted as he scooped one of his toddler-aged nieces up into his arms, giving her a kiss on the cheek, “stay being babies longer, please.” the little kids smiled and giggled before going back to playing, jake still holding one of his nieces in his arms. 

seeing jake interact with little kids made your heart melt as your head filled with thoughts of how he would be such a caring father to his children in the future. you couldn’t help but hope in the back of your mind that you’d be the one he decided to have kids with, and you also couldn’t help but develop feelings of jealousy at the thought of him being with any other girl but you. but you had to remember what your role in jake’s life was: not a girlfriend, not a wife, not a lover; you were simply someone who he spoiled in exchange for sex. although your thoughts were quickly turning gloomy, you still plastered on a beautiful smile as you shyly greeted the members of his family who came up to the two of you.

“still doing okay?” jake asked you sweetly after he let go of his niece, letting her go back to playing with the other kids, “i know it’s a little overwhelming.” he let out a sheepish chuckle. "i'm okay," you responded with a smile, hooking your arm around jake's again, "still a bit nervous, though." a small pout formed on his face before he gave you a kiss on the cheek as a way of telling you it was gonna be alright.

you two began moving around the area again, greeting a new person every 0.5 seconds. you were beginning to cool down and get used to the heavy social interaction until jake began to lead you over to two specific people.

his parents.

"don't worry, y/n," jake calmed you down quietly, "i promise they'll be kind." that didn't stop your stomach from forming knots as the two of you got closer and closer to his parents. 

“mom! dad!” jake exclaimed happily once you guys were close enough to them. the family pulled each other into a group hug once jake’s brother noticed that jake had finally arrived. 

“happy birthday, my sweetheart,” jake’s mom gushed at her youngest son, “i’m so happy we’re finally all together in one place! it’s been so long, right?” jake’s mother asked, looking at jake’s brother and father to which they nodded. “i know, right? i’ve missed all of us being together.” jake let out a happy sigh as he looked at his family.

a tight-knit, happy family was such a foreign sight for you considering that your family consists of pieces of shit. it almost made you feel... jealous?

“guys, i’d like to finally introduce you to y/n,” jake beamed, the sudden introduction catching you off guard as you put a smile back on your face.

“hello,” you bowed, “it’s great to meet you all. your son, h-he’s a great guy. yes, and very generous as well.” you stuttered out awkwardly, still trying to keep your composure. “it’s great to meet you as well, y/n,” jake’s father warmly smiled back at you, “we’ve heard so much about you from jake whenever we’d all see each other.” you could see jake turning red from the corner of your eye as his brother teased him for getting shy, which you found sweet. “oh, really? i had no idea that jake talked about me to you guys,” you smiled shyly and sheepishly. “oh, of course! after all, he’s told me that you two spend a lot of time together; you must be quite close friends!”

yeah...

friends.

that word stung you to hear, especially from jake’s mother. 

“yes, very,” you responded, trying hard to keep smiling. 

“w-well, i’m gonna go greet more people, yeah? you and my mom can keep talking, y/n. get to know each other while i’m away for a bit, okay?” jake sputtered, clearly trying to remove himself from the awkward situation as he walked away with his dad and brother beside him, leaving you with his mother.

“oh, um,” you spoke up once jake was far away enough, “i-i just wanted to give my sincerest apologies for the u-um whole video scandal. i had no idea that it would happen, and i’m deeply sorry if it did damage to your reputation. i-i really didn’t mean any harm, and-”

“relax, sweety,” jake’s mom said softly as she comfortingly put her hand on your shoulder, “this type of stuff happens sometimes, and it was out of you and jake’s control. from what i’ve heard, you’re a kind girl, and i know that you didn’t mean any harm. don’t you worry about it anymore, alright?” 

the amount of relief that washed over your being felt unreal. this was very far from the reaction you expected. the entire sim family was so kind, again, something that felt so farfetched to you. 

in perfect timing, jake came back to you, wanting to introduce you to some more people. you waved goodbye to jake’s mother and went on your way.

“now you’ll get to formally meet my friends; i know halloween was a little awkward since they only stopped by for like 5 seconds,” jake chuckled as he put his arm around you waist, leading you to yet another part of the manor.

‘shit,’ you thought to yourself as you gulped. well, there isn’t anything you can do now. 

turning a corner before entering the area where his friends were was enough to make you pass out in pure anxiousness. before you knew it, there you were: face to face with his friends, the pale-skinned male immediately catching your attention once again. 

“ayy! there’s our birthday boy,” one of them cheered as he raised his glass of what you presumed was alcohol. “sup, guys,” jake said with a lower tone of voice than you were used to, “let’s get introductions out of the way so that you guys can get comfortable.”

the boys began to introduce themselves around the circular formation they were sat in. 

“hi, i’m jay.”

“heeseung.”

“hey, i’m sunghoon.”

finally. you knew his name. 

“i’m y/n, but i think you guys already knew,” you chuckled sheepishly, wanting so badly to jump out of one of the manor’s many windows.

“there’s usually more of us, but some of the guys couldn’t make it because of business related stuff. but see? now we can all chill together,” jake said with relief in his voice, “but... maybe later. i’ve still gotta walk around the manor until everyone decides to leave, you guys know how it is. here, y/n, just stay here and i’ll be back before you know it.” you felt your face turn cold at what he just said. 

stay? here? with this rando that you fucked who happened to be one of jake’s closest friends?!

in your state of panic, you didn’t even realize that jake had already walked away. 

awkward silence fell over the group of guys before the sunghoon guy opened his mouth. 

“so, when do you plan to tell him?” he instigated, your eyes widening as you looked at each of the guys individually in shock, “chill, these two already know.” he seemed so nonchalant about the whole situation, almost careless as if it wouldn’t possibly affect both of your relationships with jake. 

“don’t you think we should do it at the same time or something?” you asked, still shocked.

“i’m down if you are.”

--------------------------------------------

“guys, what?” jake asked as you all sat him down, you and sunghoon sitting next to each other across from jake.

you and sunghoon looked over at each other. “you say it,” sunghoon huffed, sounding a bit childish. “um, no, i think you should,” you raised an eyebrow at him with an argumentative tone. “no, you do it,” he argued back.

“well, somebody fucking do it,” jay sighed out deeply as he took another swig of alcohol. 

“okay fine!” sunghoon put his hands up, “we fucked.”

a wave of the most awkward blanket of silence fell over the group. 

“wait, what? how? when? ...why?” jake questioned all at once.

the two of you tried your best to recall that night and explain everything to jake even though that night was a blur to you at this point; it didn’t seem to be a blur to sunghoon, though, so you let him do most of the talking.

“so basically what you’re trying to tell me is y/n went to a sex club because she was feeling some type of way for whatever reason, and you just happened to be the dude she fucked?”

“yeah, i guess we could’ve just put it like that,” sunghoon shrugged nonchalantly while you sat stiffly. 

“hm... we’ll be back in a minute. y/n?" jake looked you straight in your eyes as he spoke and motioned for you to stand up.

jake didn’t speak a word to you as he lead you into the room that you two were staying in for the night.

at this point, there was no one to bother the two of you because everyone, including jake’s parents, cleared out of the house, you, jake, and his friends being the only ones staying in the manor for the night.

“jake? please say something...” you muttered quietly once jake closed the door behind him. 

“before we spend some time apart, i need to spend some time inside you.”

before you could take another breath, you were already on your knees before jake, listening to him undo his belt and pull his pants down in front of you as you watched his already hard member spring up. “c’mon, you know what to do,” jake said, impatient. 

slowly and shyly, you put your mouth around his hard cock as jake pulled on your hair. he gently thrusted his hips toward you, his cock passing deeper into your mouth while he groaned. 

he wanted to praise you, tell you how pretty you looked with his dick shoved in your mouth, gush about how cute and innocent you looked on your knees in your puffy pink dress, but the frustration and jealously building up inside him wouldn’t allow it. so for now, he’d just channel his jealousy into fucking you until the bedsheets pop off the corners of the bed.

after he was over you sucking him off, he pulled you off your knees and pushed you onto the bed then practically tore your clothes off. intending not to waste any time, jake positioned you against the headboard of the bed, quickly licked a stripe up your entrance, and put himself inside your already soaking pussy. 

the sudden feeling of pleasure in your core made you let out a loud moan as jake began to roughly thrust his hips into yours.

“fuck! f-feels so good, daddy,” you moaned out while subconsciously wrapping your legs around his waist. “i know,” jake growled, “no one could ever fuck you like i do.” you whimpered and nodded as you looked each other in the eyes. 

in a swift movement, you were suddenly pulled over to the edge of the bed, bent over and ready for jake to put his dick back inside you. jake pounded into you, making you grab onto the bedsheets for support as he blew your back out. 

“please don’t stop,” you whined out, your cum already running down your inner thighs, “f-feels so good.” jake chuckled sexily as he pulled you up against his chest. “i know how much you love when daddy pounds your g-spot,” jake taunted you as he slowed his thrusts, “i’m the only one who gets to fuck you like this; you’re mine.” jake growled lowly into you ear. “y-yours,” you mewled in response. “yeah, that’s right, my good girl,” jake smirked against the soft skin of your neck starting to fuck you again so that he could reach his high, which didn’t take long. in a matter of minutes, his cum was spilling into you as he groaned and reached over to grab his belt, spanking you with it and making you jump slightly at the feeling of the leather making harsh contact with your skin.

almost immediately after he was finished cumming inside you, he pulled out and wiped himself clean with tissues from the bedside table. you heard him put his bottoms back on along with his belt that he was just spanking you with a few short minutes ago. you looked back at him after climbing onto the bed and having a seat on your knees, watching him straighten out his shirt. 

“jake? w-where are you going? are you still upset? please say something...” you asked, your voice cracking. he looked over to you after straightening out his whole outfit in the mirror. “i’m gonna go downstairs and have more drinks with the guys,” he responded casually yet coldly, his body halfway out the door.

“and as for being mad, let’s put it like this:,” jake started “there are so many girls who’d kill to be in your situation right now, but i chose you. i don’t think you realize that even after all this time. let’s not fuck this up. i’m doing my part, so it’s up to you now. think about that for a little while, y/n.”

--------------------------------------------

a/n: hey gang, i hope you had a good holiday season :) i’m still running very behind on this series, but i hope you’re still enjoying it <3 i’ll be back in no time 

taglist: @axartia @jjhmk @valiantwastelanddelusion @jayroseyy @ayohahaha @asaheyow @lhsng @i-dalso @bunhoons @red-xherry @duolingofanaccount @lix-freckle3 @l0st-h0p3s @leeis @muffinminnie @green-orangeade @imbaeksbae @sunghoonmybeloved @tum73er @sjakewrld @markleeisdabestdrug @futuremodeldiary @jeondolly @lil-iva @lalalalawon @noirgray @jckeplanet @teddy-lhj @meinapricity @jjkshies @bubbleseo @cherryunie @mqndnolia @bently-baby @fluffypiesstuff @ihrtk1ve @wonkiluvr @teti-menchon0604 @lovienikitty @rjsmochii @omgjwon @sunshine-skz @wy1999t @lv4rin @oceanyocean @nyfwyeonjun @mxshimoo @multifandombtvh @donghyckl @iloveoceaneyesss @jakeswhore

©yunjardi on tumblr

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-���

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” ��I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[orbleglorb]

hey not to start shit this long after blaseball ended. but im still pissed at how tgb treated its fans, especially the creatives.

there's the entire blaseball tcg thing. which isn't strictly tgb, a different game studio made it, but it really highlighted how tgb treated the fan creations as their own. they said "we just gave them summaries like 'nagomi mcdaniel is a japanese woman with a claw arm' so they're not copying from an artist" but like... that version of nagomi mcdaniel was MADE by the fanbase. NOT tgb. someone pitched the idea of nagomi being a japanese woman, and someone pitched the idea of crabs players carcinizing, and someone pitched the idea of nagomi having a claw arm. and all of those people were fans.

and, this is a much smaller gripe, but like, TGB has always relied on word of mouth to get people interested in blaseball. so like. those "stretch goals" at the beginning of fall ball relied on word of mouth. and they were pretty ambitious! considering how little marketing they have (from my perspective, anyway), a lot of that pressure was put on fans. so like. of course we only hit one of those goals. lmao.

and the "final goodbye" concert just really pisses me off. they couldn't even be assed to make anything as a proper farewell! they used FAN-MADE MATERIAL in their OFFICIAL goodbye party. fan-made material. they didn't consult the creators before using it. idk how all garages members felt about it, but i know some were pissed. because tgb is using something they made to give a sendoff instead of putting any fucking amount of effort into a goodbye. like, no final entity appearance? you couldn't have binky say goodbye? YOU COULDN'T HAVE PARKER TWEET GOODBYE? just rting the game band's announcement? that's lazy as fuck and a huge fuck you to the fans that made blaseball what it is, because it IS the fans that made blaseball what it is. fans made the lore. fans made the wiki. fans created plotlines like the shelled one. fans took site bugs and glitches and made them into huge events through the sheer power of storytelling and passion. fans have poured so much time into this game. developing strategies, loring players, loring TEAMS, setting up whole separate websites just to help newcomers and store info (including but not limited to the wiki and houstonspies.cyou), moderating and paying for those websites, analyzing stats, delving into fk, writing fanfiction, drawing fanart, donating money, roleplaying on twitter, REVIVING SALMON MODERATING SOFTWARE TO TRACK ILB WEATHER PATTERNS, writing research papers, writing songs, creating discord bots, AND MORE. fans have been the backbone of the blaseball community. and to not do anything to honor these people besides just using their own creation as a last-minute goodbye party? fucking pathetic.

tgb has just been so fucking terrible towards its fans. i'd go as far as to say that some creatives got taken advantage of. i love blaseball and i am forever grateful for this experience. i also wish tgb didn't fucking throw it away one afternoon. they announced blaseball was ending, shut down the server for the weekend, then re-opened it to have a pitiful goodbye party of fan-made material (that the keepers put on for us) that they used without permission. like how the fuck are we supposed to feel appreciated in any way? again, would it have fucking killed them to have parker tweet on his own? they say it was a long and hard decision but it really just feels like they decided they were done with blaseball and never wanted to touch it again, and it feels like nothing but a huge "FUCK YOU" to all of the fans that cared.