#despite. the fact. that it literally hasn’t. and this is the first time I’ve ever been told to call in in order to get it fucking filled

[seilon]

don’t know how cvs fucked it up this time but yay super cool I can’t get my meds refilled until monday apparently meaning I get to spend my birthday going through withdrawal and feeling miserable that’s so cool!!!!!!

[angstflavoured]

A little fiddauthor analysis...

Making this post mostly just to get all of my thoughts out about it regarding how I think it is inherently very toxic on both ends, despite people treating it as more wholesome near the beginning when they were both younger… and the fact that I think it’s very incredibly one-sided. I’m strictly going to be talking about CANON events, not headcanons or speculations or AU’s. If you wanna draw Fiddleford and Ford being cute and hugging and dating, I don’t care, I like a lot of the content for them myself. It isn’t canon to the show and doesn’t affect or harm anybody. That’s what a fandom is and I’m not trying to police anyone, I just think a lot of people misinterpret their relationship and thought it would be fun to talk about it because I find their dynamic really interesting. I’m going to be using a lot of direct quotes and scenes from Ford’s journal, TBOB, and the show, so buckle in baby ! This was supposed to be a quicker and smaller one while I work on my Billford essay, but I had a lot more to say than I thought…

First off, it’s interesting to see how Ford thinks their interaction after so long is going to go. In Journal 3 he says he has “no choice” but to call Fiddleford up to work on the portal because Ford just doesn’t have the smarts to do what he wants to do himself, and he thinks he’s going to have to literally beg Fiddleford to join him. But as we see in the journal and in the show, it hardly takes ANY convincing at all for Fiddleford to drop everything he was doing and leave his wife and kid for months on end to work on a project he knows nothing about. All the info he has he got over a short phone call. It seems like Ford, at this point being so close with Bill and thinking he’s the only one who cares about him, just assumed that most people he used to talk with don’t think about him anymore. He’s had Bill whispering in his ear that he’s the only one who understands him, so it makes sense he doesn’t think Fiddleford will want to do this with him. But from what it looks like, Fiddleford either has been waiting every second for Ford specifically to get back to him, or just has been waiting for any excuse to get the hell away from his family which is… yeesh. Either way, not very healthy regarding his wife and kid. He doesn’t seem to really care all that much about either of them, but more on that later.

Obviously Ford cares about Fiddleford, as soon as he comes down to live with him, Ford hasn’t been so happy in a good while. He missed human connection, despite how good things were going with Bill. Having another person there to talk with was nice. Despite Fiddleford having strange quirks that did irk Ford, he found them endearing and genuinely felt better in his company.

But I think the biggest thing here a lot of people overlook is that Ford only ever refers to Fiddleford as his college buddy in the show, and in the journals as “my assistant.” I’ve seen so many people have Ford call him his partner, but he actually only calls him this like once in the show i think. It’s always my assistant, my research, my theory. Which is funny because Ford didn’t come up with any of this stuff with the portal on his own. Bill was the one that gave him the blueprints. Fiddleford even questions Ford at one point, asking if he had help coming up with them because of how complex they are, and Ford decidedly DOESN’T mention Bill and instead tells him “with hard work, anything is possible.” (Btw he does refer to Bill as his partner multiple times… just sayin.)

The way he talks to and about Fiddleford, Ford is always talking down. He does think that Fiddleford is smart and does think he has a brilliant mind, but he still thinks that he’s below him.

Because Ford has Bill.

And oh my lord, do I not see anyone talk about this. Soooo many comics always depict Fiddleford knowing about Bill existence, but I think the biggest roadblock with their ship and a huge point of contention is that Fiddleford never canonically knows about Ford’s relationship with Bill until after he’s already lost his mind when he’s old. He doesn’t even KNOW that he exists until he’s half sucked through the portal. People ignore this, but it’s so important to their dynamic. Ford doesn’t think that Fiddleford could handle it, and he doesn’t think he necessarily deserves to know. Because Bill is Fords thing. Their relationship is special. Ford is special.

Ford claims he doesn’t tell Fiddleford about Bill because he would throw him in a looney bin, despite their research being so whimsical and ridiculous already. They’re literally building a portal to a different dimension, Fiddleford would’ve believed him. And the way Ford talks about it, you can tell it’s less about Fiddleford thinking he’s crazy and more about something else.

Could F ever truly appreciate the complex fates that brought me and my Muse together?

He doesn’t think Fiddleford could APPRECIATE it. The language he uses, you can tell that Ford knows that Fiddleford would see right through Bill’s facade. And Ford doesn’t want that because he wants to be friends with Bill and he wants to be special, and he’d rather hide Bill and stay in denial than tell his dearest friend, just so he can feel special a little longer.

This is why I think as much as Fiddleford’s romantic feelings for Ford were there, it never ended up going anywhere. Ford would always choose Bill over him. When Fiddleford got him the axolotl pet, Ford quickly threw it out and lied about it to Fiddleford just because Bill told him to. And there’s multiple cases of interactions like this, where Bill will talk down about Fiddleford and Ford will just be like damn… yeah. Here’s a journal excerpt from TBOB around Christmas time. For context, Ford got into a huge fight with a monster and tried to contact Bill to help him, but he didn’t come. And then Bill randomly shows up later when Ford’s at home decorating.

I was almost roasted by Krampus, and where was he? Off inspiring some other scientist? Posing for some tapestry? Were we even partners? He threw the accusation back in my face. “Hey, I’m not the one skipping portal work to carouse with a third-wheel hillbilly with second thoughts about our project!” I started to argue--but he had a point. F has seemed less and less committed to work lately.

Which is INSANE !!! when we see that only a fucking page ago, Fiddleford was explaining how he got in a fight with his wife because he didn’t get her a present for Christmas. After spending multiple weeks and making multiple prototypes for a pair of 6 fingered gloves for Ford.

And if we hop back to Journal 3, there’s a particular interaction with them which is crazy to me. While hiking up a mountain to go to Crash Site Omega, they get into a fight with the Gremloblin, which fucking swoops up Fiddleford into the sky. In Ford’s attempt to get him down, they both end up falling down through the roof of a barn, where Fiddleford gets stuck full of quills and breaks his arm.

Despite our fortune, I have become worried about my assistant. I was able to treat his physical wounds, but I fear there are mental wounds not as easily remedied. For the past several nights, he has been unable to sleep, apparently still haunted by the Gremloblin’s gaze. More alarming is his Cubic’s Cube. It has sat scrambled, unfixed, on his desk for days. I myself have survived many monster attacks without trauma, but perhaps F is more sensitive than I realized…

OH. MY. GOD. The way that Ford talks so condescendingly is enough to make any person's blood boil. It’s the same way when Fiddleford gets sucked through the portal, and when Fiddleford gets pulled back, Ford’s first words out of his mouth are “WHAT DID YOU SEE!”

As much as he cared for Fiddleford… he has no regard at all for Fiddlefords VERY VALID feelings about events that would traumatize literally anyone. But he just pats Fiddlefords back and tells him to get used to it because this is just part of the job and he shouldn’t be whining so much. He does nothing to properly comfort him and scoffs it off like “apparently he’s ‘TRAMATIZED’ or something. I’ve been through so much worse and never had a problem, I don’t get what his issue is.” And then ford is SURPRISED AND APPALLED when Fiddleford creates the memory gun.

Which oohhhhh lord, the memory gun. jesus christ. Such a big example of the distrust between them on both sides. Fiddleford literally canonically lied about destroying the gun and then erased Fords memory about it so that he could erase his own memories in secret without him knowing. And also probably fords sometimes! Not completely canon, but like…. Fiddleford did it once, I wouldn’t put it past the guy. And then when they go to the carnival, Fiddleford hands out his fucking card to Ivan (the leader of the society of the blind eye, who was a teen/early 20s at the time) so that he can erase memories for him that he didn’t like.

Biggest thing we can take away from everything regarding Fiddleford’s character, is that he always takes the easy way out. He ran away from his family he obviously didn’t really care for as much as he should’ve because that was easier than talking it out or divorcing. He pushed it aside for later. Bro was literally looking for a fucken Brokeback Mountain situation, but Ford wasn’t giving anything back to him. So instead Fiddleford constantly made a fool of himself doing things for Ford and tripping over himself to show his gratitude when all the while Ford was entirely focused on Bill. and then he just goes around and starts erasing memories, because it’s easier than having to actually deal with things. Which is why I don’t foresee a reality in which Fiddauthor makes sense, in the way they actually end up doing anything together. Because Fiddleford’s too much of a coward to admit his feelings first, and Ford obviously has his sights on someone else.

And here’s the BIGGEST damning thing, like oh my god.

In Journal 3, Ford goes to a fortune teller (which don’t get me fucking started on how judgy he is to her and how much he talks down about her, DESPITE HER BEING LEGIT AND ACTUALLY WARNING HIM). Long story short, she gives Ford a spiel about how someone close to him is deceiving him. She then gives him a mood ring and says “when this is blue, you may pull through. When this is black, you can’t turn back.”

And LO AND BEHOLD!! OH MY FUCKING GOD, when they’re at the carnival and Fiddleford is talking to Ivan and whispering--

Ford. Looks down. To check if the ring is black.

I took one last look down at my hand and was strangely relieved to find that the palm reader’s ring was still blue. I shoved it in my pocket, collected F, and tried to put the whole experience out of my mind.

FORD LITERALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE IDEA OF FIDDLEFORD BETRAYING HIM BEFORE BILL. IN FACT, HE LITERALLY NEVER MENTIONS THINKING IT WAS BILL ONCE.

He talks about how they got into a fight at dinner the night before the portal test because Fiddleford was having second thoughts about it being dangerous, and Ford told him to be there or he would get left behind. He’d do it without him.

And when Fiddleford gets pulled through the portal and quits the project, Ford says gooooddd fucking riddance, I never even needed you bro.

F, you weak-willed hayseed! Go back to your doting family and a life of fear and compromise! I weep now not for our failed partnership, but for the golden opportunity thrown away. To think I considered him a friend! I know my true friend. It is my Muse.

One of the few times he ever refers to it as partnership btw. Literally only when they break everything off.

And Ford only starts fighting with Bill about everything after it starts directly hurting him. It literally just seems like Ford is less upset about Bill’s plan being evil, and more upset at the fact that he lied to Ford LMAOOOOO he didn’t like the fact that he was disposable and lesser to Bill, despite Ford treating Fiddleford the exact same way.

At the end of all of this… it may seem like I’m really fighting against this ship, but not in the slightest. I LOVEEEE them so much, but in a way where it would be really toxic and not actually end up with anything happening.

Such a biggg theme when it comes to Ford’s character specifically is yearning. He yearns for success and attention and love and acceptance, but he’s constantly never giving other people those things. Which ends in him not receiving any in return. That is obviously until he gets back from dimension hopping and works on being a better person. When he starts towards healing, that’s when he starts receiving what he always wanted.

There’s so much tension between Ford and Fiddleford it's like disgusting, they were so incredibly gay… but, I hate to say it, it was very one-sided. They did have some fun times together and Ford enjoyed his company for quite a bit, but it was nothing like how Fiddleford felt for him. Fiddleford was always thinking about how Ford was feeling and what he was doing, and Ford never really did that for Fiddleford unless he was prompted to. But he was alwayasyayayss thinking about how Bill felt. And he always chose Bill in the end.

I just see so much of all of this get swept under the rug and never addressed, when it's kind of sad because it’s all so interesting and really adds a lot to both of their characters. They were both so morally gray back in their day, and honestly even more so now that they’re older, and its kinda sad to see that all go ignored. I JUST LOVE TOXIC GAYS SM AND THEY WERE SO TOXIC AND I’D LOVE TO SEE PEOPLE EXPLORE THAT MORE. Hopefully maybe this will prompt some people to think about it like this…….. It’s all so very tragic and their relationship was doomed from the start and i loveeeee shit like that. only misery to be had...

[makoodles]

I asked for the last magic rabbit fic, so I’ve gotta do it again: what’s happening for ghost during all this? Here he is, leaving to go run (partially out of habit but also so he doesn’t end up fucking you again when you’re so sore after your first time) and he’s trying to be normal and not obsess over you, or fuck you again when you aren’t ready or push any boundaries but then you disappear? And then flirt with some wanker at the bar when he fucked you brainless not even a week before? Only to find out that you thought you were being rejected by him over and over this week :(((( his heart maybe cold but it damn near broke at that. Ya hash it out, and then he finally has your cunt back in his life, and it’s so wet and he knows she missed him, but before he dive in fully (and make you soak his mask so he walks around all week with the smell of you stuck to him) you want to try something??? Oh fuck you’ve been practicing sucking dick on your toys?? Fuck he’s gonna come from the mental image of that. And then yoh suck him off, and you don’t think it’s very good (and maybe it’s not) but it’s you so it’s the best damn head he’s ever gotten and then you say you want him to come on your face??? He almost did with just those words. He has to promise both of you that he’ll do it next time, otherwise he’d never forgive himself. And then he finally gets to dive into the sweetest cunt in the world and it feels like coming home, he’d gladly live off just your cum if he could. Has to really stop himself from bringing you over the edge at least two more times with just his mouth. And then he finally slides into her and it’s perfect and he’s never letting you avoid him ever again. And then you moan his name???? He can’t control himself in these conditions. You wanna be on top???? He went brain dead for a second. And then when you got him all in, he’s gone feral with possessive thoughts, needing you to know you belong with him. “Am I doing good?” Are you trying to kill him via his dick??? And when all is said and done you ask if y’all are dating now??? As if Ghost hasn’t already decided that you (and your pussy) are it for him???

BABE YOU GET ITTTT!!!

i'm a firm believer that simon riley is an absolute disaster of a man, you'd just never know it because he hides it all behind that mask and quiet arrogance.

besides, like he told you already, he's not good with virgins. he meant that in a very literal sense - it's not that he's not good with them sexually (he's already proven that he is in fact good in that sense), but he is hopeless when it comes to communicating with you. he was hoping that you would be better with it, but you have no experience either so of course it's going to lead to confusion!

but yes absolutely, most of this fic from simon's pov would just be excited mental screaming. you just know that his ego is SWELLING despite the way he is constantly near a heart attack with every word you say and moan you make

[kazumist]

EPISODE 19 ♡ AFTERGLOW AND DAYLIGHT

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU

masterlist / prev ep / next ep / wc: 1001.

when dawn came upon him, kuni heard nothing from you. and when the afternoon passed, there was still nothing. he was slowly getting nervous and worried. he hasn’t heard anything from your group ever since he saw kazuha’s car leave last night.

but he still held onto that small speck of hope.

the hope that made him, broke him, and left him begging for more. hope is a dangerous thing for someone who doesn’t know how to stop. for someone like kunikuzushi. but is it really worth it to give up when he's finally given a sign that his love is going to be reciprocated?

so he waited for you, just like he always did. after all, kuni will never get tired of waiting for you.

he paces back and forth in the living room of his condominium, wondering what to do. if he had to be honest, he really should’ve made you chase him a bit more. but even so, how can he resist when you literally told him that you loved him the night before? the rain started getting stronger, and it was around six in the evening already.

kuni sits down, deciding that he should just order himself some takeout. as soon as he tapped the place order button, his doorbell rang. confused, he opens the door.

and there you were, drenched from head to toe.

“i love you.”

“well, aren’t you soaked?” he replies, leaning against the doorstep.

you roll your eyes at him, fighting back a smile. “let me get dried, first," he chuckles. “alright.” when you entered his condo, you made your way straight to the bathroom to dry yourself. but before you could close the bathroom door, kuni called out to you.

“and (name)?”

“yeah?”

“i love you more.”

“really now?” you teased.

“what a way to ruin the mood.” this time, it was his turn to roll his eyes.

“i was kidding! look at me; i’m literally blushing right now.”

“uh huh. get yourself dried already.”

you smiled at him fondly before you shut the door. and once you were done, you asked to borrow an extra shirt from him since you were wet from the rain. you sat down next to him, wearing his shirt, which is slightly bigger than yours.

“so.”

“so?”

“do you remember anything from last night?” he asks.

“yeah, from entering the bar up until you know.”

“no, i don’t.” he says. you glare at him in return, in which he just gave you an all knowing smile in response. “up to when you kissed me!”

“what took you so long, though?”

“oh, i slept the whole day, but i immediately made my way here when i woke up.” 

he nodded in acknowledgment. and then there was silence.

“i’m sorry," you suddenly say. “what for?”

“for everything—the mixed signals, the mean things i’ve said before towards you, especially after we broke up, for raising my pride far too high, and for that... night, especially that night, but most of all, i’m sorry that i took this long.” 

you took a deep breath.

“i love you, kuni. i’m ready now. i want to love you the way you love me—an unconditional, pure, and committed love. i’ll stop being scared now.”

it felt relieving to finally say those words out. this is what you’ve been waiting for ever since the night you realized you couldn’t lose kunikuzushi again in your life.

“took you long enough.” you let out a light laugh at his words. “i know.”

“but… can i ask?”

“go ahead.”

“what took you so long?”

“ah. well, you know. i just thought you were just too good to be true back then. i felt like i didn’t deserve you, and the fact that we were going through our first year didn’t really help either because i felt pressured. we lasted during twelveth grade during college application season, sure, but things just became… different when college actually came around. i didn’t know what i wanted back then; i drowned myself in studies, i ended up shutting you and the others out more than you could count.”

“but you still stayed with me despite that—despite me pushing you away. you understood me, and i really appreciated that. but you deserved someone better. you’re made for many, many great things, kuni. and i didn’t want to become some sort of hurdle for your career. so i broke up with you instead. you didn’t deserve to be with the old me, but now that i think of it, i was a red flag as of late, no?”

“i didn’t see you as a red flag,” he starts. “but honestly? you were a perfect example of a walking paradox. you didn’t know what you wanted, but i did. i wanted to show you that you deserve love despite having my own obstacles in life too. you’re the risk i wanted—no, you’re still the risk i want to take. if i had to choose someone over and over again, it would be you. it will always be you.”

 you wiped away the few tears that left your eyes. “thank you, kuni.”

 “don’t cry; did you know that you’re an ugly crier?”

“stop ruining the mood!” you smacked his arm. he laughs and proceeds to wipe away your tears for you. “but kuni?”

“mhm?”

“let’s take it slow again, okay?”

“of course.”

it may be unbelievable for others to believe that the snarky, usually grumpy, and typically cold kunikuzushi scaramouche is actually someone who would be like this in terms of love. but kunikuzushi couldn’t bring himself to love another after you; the love that he once believed was black and white turned out to be golden—something to remember, something to cherish. and you’d rather have kuni be the one to catch you every time your walls start crumbling around you; you’d rather have him be the one who would understand you and love you nonetheless.

you were his daylight. and he was your afterglow.

taglist (open): @yinyinggie @blue-b3rries @ryuryuryuyurboat @your-local-reblogging-kazoo @lilikags @haliyamori @diorlumx @mamafly @zuunotsane @iloveosamuu @featuredtofu @kana-de @xiaoderrrr @f1orent1ne @alhaitie @yelleloww @brain-r0tt @jamieexistss @danfelions @e0nssadrift @lovemari @kunikissr @chluuvr @lazy-sanns @lxkeeeee @swivy123 @sketcheeee @quacking-simp @tiredslepz @vxcmx @kichiy0shi @yingofthemoon @feiherp @sicut-sol @mayuumine @xiaosoneandonly @xtobefreex @bananasquash @im-the-ruler-here @hiraethhv @yumiaur @oughhhhmamamia @beriiov @cindywasneverhere @klanxii @fangygf @draclula @aromaticism @shotosjupiter @lyzisbitchingagain @lovelykrystal @riraaya @aether-darling @kochothehoe [1/2]

[familyvideostevie]

october sixth

day six: james potter james brings you to a campfire with his friends | fluff! james being flirty | 1.1k

It’s a bit of strange magic that you haven’t met James’s friends yet. Not officially, anyway. In passing, sure, and James has told you all about them. He talks about the boys and their antics constantly and assures you that the girls will adore you. It’s only a matter of time before you all get together.

Not for lack of trying, of course. But Remus was out of town and then Sirius had the flu which he gave to Marlene and then everyone was busy with an old schoolmate’s wedding and you were swamped with work and it’s been almost three months since your first date and you still haven’t been properly introduced.

It doesn’t bother you that much. In fact, you’re pretty sure it bothers James much more. “I just don’t want you to think I’m hiding you,” he says. “It’s bloody weird that it’s worked out like this.”

The fix comes with the change of the seasons. Lily’s parents have a country house and invite everyone for a weekend of bonfires and warm drinks and general lazing about.

“A country house, James? Really?” you say when he tells you. He shrugs.

“We go every year. You’ll love it.”

So you agree. It’s not until you’re literally about to turn into the drive that the nerves hit you all at once. Your leg bounces in the passenger seat of James’s car and he puts his palm on your knee to still it.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks. “No harm, no foul.”

“Of course I do,” you scoff. “We’re almost there, anyway.”

James grabs your hand and brings it to his lips. “I’d turn around right now if you asked,” he says. “Seriously.” His dark gaze is steady and warm.

“I will not ask that,” you say. “I want to meet them. I just —”

“They’ll love you,” James says firmly. “They know all about you and they are just as offended that this hasn’t happened sooner. They all blame me, actually.”

He turns off of the long road and the house emerges in front of you like a fairy tale. It’s a country house, sure, but it’s clearly large and nicer than anything you’ve ever seen.

“I hope you’ve only told them good things,” you say. James turns off the car and allows you to stall for a few moments.

“No, I’ve told them how you snore and leave your kitchen cabinets open all the time,” he deadpans. You laugh and he grins. “Have you got your silly bag?”

The tote at your feet is full of things you’ve brought with, despite James’s protests. Licorice for Sirius, cider for Remus, Lily’s favorite biscuits from town. You made sure to have a little something for everyone even though your boyfriend assured you that buying their loyalty wasn’t necessary.

“They’re already on your side since you put up with me,” he’d said.

But now you just nod. James gives your hand one last squeeze. “They’re going to love you,” he says. You let yourself look at him, really look at him in the way you know he enjoys. He looks excited, almost boyish. Fall suits him with his sweater and waxed jacket, a hat tucked into his pocket. His hair is a mess and his glasses need to be cleaned.

You adore him.

“Let’s do it.”

You arrive at the front door to a flurry of activity. Everyone spills out and there are cries of your name and hugs and you hand off your items, feeling a bit shy.

“My god,” Sirius says, looking at his licorice. “She’s perfect, Jamie.”

Remus thanks you with an easy smile for the cider and Lily actually screams when you pull out the biscuits.

“She’s a keeper, Potter,” she shouts. “If you ever want to ditch him,” she says to you, “you’re welcome to. You can hang out with the girls.”

You get pulled from James and meet Dorcus and Marlene and they take you up to your room. The sun has almost set so they tell you to put some more layers on and come down to the bonfire when you’re ready.

“See?” James says as he spills into the room. He tosses your bags on the bed. “They love you more than they love me.”

“I am rather charming,” you say. He laughs and kisses you once, twice, three times. He backs you up against the door and you have to push him away. “They’re expecting us at the bonfire, James.”

He pouts. “Fine,” he says. “If you insist.”

The evening is a fun one. There are jokes and stories and games, everyone drinking to stay warm and snacking on junk food.

You wander back from a trip to the bathroom to find that the seats have reshuffled, the conversations moved. James waves you over.

He’s bathed in the light of the fire, the flames making the lenses of his glasses shine in the dark. The bench he’s on has no more room but he grins and pats his thigh.

You raise your eyebrows. Really? He winks.

You do as he asks and perch on his thigh, knees smushed into his other leg. He wraps his arm around your back to keep you from falling if you lean too far. Dorcus is telling a story about some adventure she and Marlene went on last week, so no one really looks at you.

James tugs on your ear. You lean down and his lips brush against your skin. “This is nice. Are you having fun?”

You nod. “I am,” you say into his hair. “They’re lovely.”

“Thank you for coming.” You know James is mostly happy-go-lucky, pleased as punch to do anything, a real sunshine boy. But you also know it has bothered him immensely that two important parts of his life have been separate until now. He’s worried endlessly that you think he’s not keen on your relationship despite your assurances otherwise. So you are glad that you’re here, even if you were nervous at the start. You just want him to be happy.

He kisses your cheek until you turn your head enough for him to capture your lips. You can’t wait to be in his arms in bed tonight.

“Oi!” Sirius yells. “Stop canoodling. It’s obscene.” He’s teasing, obviously, but you tuck your face into James’s neck anyway.

“Aw, let them,” Lily says. “You’re just bitter you’re single as fuck.”

“Hey!” Everyone laughs. You feel James’s chuckle more than hear it and you put your palm on his chest. His heart is beating steadily. You can hardly believe he’s given it to you.

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here! promptober masterlist, find all fics under #fvspromptober23

[mykelneedssleep]

I had the realization today that I dont think I’ve ever spoken about my son on here and since a lot of you know me for podcast content this needs to be rectified immediately so I present to you my first born son: Nureyev

Yes, as in Peter Nureyev. Hilariously this is the most accurate name I have ever chosen for anything because this little bitch has such Peter Nureyev vibes it’s actually crazy. I present a list of random facts about him that I can think of off the top of my head:

1. Literally the first day I had him one of the first things we found out about this tiny little baby was that if there’s a dead cricket in his tank you bet your ass he’s not eating it. This bougie ass bitch only eats live prey. You physically don’t understand how often I have to buy him food because god forbid it dies before he kill it, he’d actually rather starve than eat a dead bug. I can attest to that because one time there was a cricket shortage in my area because it was so cold that all the crickets were dying in transport and this little bitch actually went days without eating because he wouldn’t eat the dead crickets (I finally got him to eat by pushing them around with a clear plastic spoon to make it look like they were moving- lying to your kids works folks)

2. He makes regular attempts to escape from his tank by climbing up the glass. Despite 4 years of trying it still hasn’t worked once but he’s determined he’s going to do it one of these times

3. My mother who typically lovingly refers to him as Nev (“his name is longer than he is, I’m giving him a nickname” -my mother approximately 10 minutes after his name was chosen, took her 3 more days to come up with Nev) will often refer to him as Pete if he’s doing something bad (see above escape attempt). This is particularly funny in the presence of people who are unaware of this nickname but aware enough to know the names of all the animals in our home because they become very confused

4. “The thief is on the prowl” is a very common phrase in our home, this typically means someone has to feed the boy because he’s stalking around the tank looking for living creatures to torment and finding none

5. He regularly sticks his entire head into his water bowl and just leaves it there for a little bit until I become quite convinced that he’s going to drown and then he will just get up and walk away like he didn’t just give me a heart attack

6. If you’re holding him he will climb all over you and somehow find a place to randomly jump off from (again, heart attack every time). Hearing “Nureyev!” said loudly in a concerned but sort of exasperated way is very common

7. If one of his water bowls is empty he will lay in it to get you to pay attention to the fact that it has no water in it but will then refuse to move when you go to put water in it and will become very upset when you eventually give up and just pour water onto him (the above photo was taken directly after I deep cleaned his tank and before I put the water back in, shockingly he looked quite cute instead of seriously pissed off like usual)

8. He likes to have the high ground (he likes to climb on top of people’s heads and just sit there and watch the world as you walk around and continue what you were previously doing. Luckily he has never attempted to jump off someone’s head before)

9. Very dramatic sleeper. I’m talking will sleep in the weirdest positions but like you do you king, if that’s comfy I endorse it

10. He regularly hides in any available nook and/or cranny in the tank. This is yet another cause of great stress for me when I cannot find him

Bonus fact: This bougie bitch was approximately half of the inspiration behind how I play Lizzie (shoutout O!ASKAP enjoyers, this one’s for you). If you’re wondering the other half is simply my penchant for playing the least helpful character I can possibly get away with

[rnsk-kousatsu]

On Cherubimon's evolution

One thing that people often don’t realize about Shuuji, despite it being fairly obvious from the beginning of the game, is how easily influenced he is by those around him. Although he seems stubborn on the outside (at least initially), he’s actually quick to yield to external pressure and bend to others’ wills. You could argue that, initially, he only kept giving in because he kept getting outnumbered. However, this tendency to relent to others is still apparent even in the Truthful route, where he’s no longer pressured by numbers the way he was during the beginning. For instance, when he suggested moving in order from the shrine with the strongest barrier, Aoi objected, insisting they should start with the weakest one instead, and they ended up following Aoi’s suggestion. This shows that he hasn’t fully shaken his habit of giving in to others even when he’s outgrown his other early game traits.

Part of why I think this behavior remains in Shuuji is because of the way he was raised by his father. While it’s true that Shuuji — very much like Aoi — has a strong sense of responsibility, I believe this sense duty also comes from his need to meet the expectations others have of him. His urge to fulfill these expectations seems to be driven by a desire to be accepted, as his father has made him believe that living up to these expectations is the only way to gain approval. In short, he constantly seeks external validation by repressing how he truly feels and following through what other wants.

Cherubimon’s evolution scenario seems to address this persistent trait of his and attempts to make him grow out of it even if just a little. Due to the simplistic scenario presented in it (much like any other affinity-based evolution scene in Survive), perhaps not many notice it’s meant for that. However, ever since the first time I watched it play out, I’ve been intrigued by how this line by Cherubimon is worded:

“シュウジが責任感だけじゃなく、自分の中に見つけた『正しさ』を信じたから、ボクにも力が湧いたんだ”

This line (very literally) translates to “I was able to find strength because you (Shuuji) didn’t just rely on your sense of responsibility; you also believed in the ‘rightness’ you found within yourself.” Something to note is that I couldn’t quite come up with an appropriate word to translate “正しさ”, but we’ll get back to this later. English localization has it translated to “Believing not only in your duty, but in your own righteousness, you filled me with strength,” which isn’t wrong per se (it’s correct and it flows more naturally than the very literal translation I’ve come up with, in fact), but translating “正しさ” as “righteousness” in this context doesn’t really click in my opinion. Let me finally explain why.

While translating “正しさ” as “righteousness” isn’t necessarily wrong, “righteousness” often has a stronger moral or ethical connotation, implying a judgment of moral superiority or adherence to a strict set of principles. For me, this feels too heavy or “formal” in the context where Shuuji is simply discovering and trusting his own sense of what is right rather than claiming a broader moral high ground, which I believe is the case here. It’s probably why it’s written in quotes (『正しさ』), perhaps implying subjectivity since it comes internally from Shuuji’s own judgment.

Now, to connect my interpretation of what “正しさ” means with what I said earlier before about the line intriguing me: the line makes it seem like Shuuji’s sense of responsibility/duty (責任感) isn’t necessarily the same thing with what Shuuji believes to be right. The way Cherubimon puts it implies that duty is external, and this new thing that Shuuji discovers comes from within and it’s what has triggered the evolution. In other words, Shuuji finally finds it in himself to just follow what his heart believes without getting too concerned about what others think of it, instead of constantly focusing on fulfilling duties and obligations in response to external expectations, which is represented by his strong sense of responsibility.

The dialogue that comes after that line drives home the point even further too — Shuuji wonders if what Cherubimon calls his “rightness” is just his ego talking (the Japanese word used for this is literally also “ego”/“エゴ”). Instead of saying he’s wrong for thinking about it like that, Cherubimon reassures him that he doesn’t care whether his “rightness” is driven by his ego or his selfish desires (身勝手), because to him, it still holds value if it can be shared with and understood by others. Essentially, Cherubimon is saying that Shuuji’s own personal beliefs or actions are valid as long as they resonate with someone else, making them his form of justice or righteousness (as a note: “正義” usually translates to “justice” in English, but I think this is where the word “righteousness” would be appropriate to use). He wants Shuuji to realize that personal motivations can still lead to something meaningful and just when they connect with others. I personally find how this is incorporated in Cherubimon’s evolution beautiful — it’s in the way  Shuuji finally allows himself to embrace his personal beliefs after struggling with trusting his own heart (since it’s been long overshadowed with his need to meet the expectations imposed on him), and by doing so, he doesn’t just empower himself, but also enables Lopmon to reach his final stage of evolution.

Note: Something else I noticed just now, even if not very relevant to this writeup, is that Cherubimon uses the pronoun boku/ボク in that particular line, which is inconsistent with the pronoun he usually uses (watashi/ワタシ). I wonder why that is, but I figure it’s simply just a slip-up.

[sparklepocalypse]

Five fun facts AU, because you know how much I love the tentacle fic: *chants* Mermaid AU mermaid AU mermaid AU

xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes

Well hi, @kiwiana-writes! While I’ve definitely got some more tentacle fic on The List, mermaids are something I haven’t actually considered. UNTIL TODAY.

One: Henry absolutely despises yacht bros. They’re the worst type of human: loud, destructive, drunk, and they won’t keep their dumb arses out of his part of the ocean. And he means this both literally and figuratively, because he rarely sees other humans flinging themselves over the rails of their boats and into the surf.

Two: White Gladis hates yacht bros far more than Henry, and despite all his protestations that she and her pod are going to get the humans’ attention where nobody needs the humans’ attention to be, she is determined to sink as many yachts as possible. There’s even a betting pool in one of the local shoals, much to Henry’s consternation.

Three: The human Coast Guard doesn’t always get there in time. As much as Henry despises yacht bros, he doesn’t actually believe they deserve to drown in the deep just because they’re deeply stupid. He starts… casually hanging out on the periphery of Gladis’ pod, just in case the Coast Guard is delayed.

Four: He rescues his first yacht bro a week later, off the coast of Gibraltar. The water is choppy that morning, which gives Gladis and her protégés excellent cover for some hull ramming and rudder biting, and in the chaos, Henry spots the most beautiful human he’s ever seen… just before the human trips, and topples over the rail and into the churning waves below, without a bloody life vest on. For a moment, Henry is stunned — and then he realizes the human hasn’t resurfaced. Henry dives.

Five: Henry wishes he could say that the yacht bro remains unconscious while Henry’s towing him toward the shore. Unfortunately, he wakes up about fourteen seconds after they’re back on the surface and immediately starts babbling and touching him. After pretending not to speak English for the first few minutes, he finally snaps and tells the yacht bro he’ll answer his questions if he’ll stop poking Henry in the damned gills. Henry confirms that yes, he’s a merman, and yes, he’s sure, and yes, he’s been a merman his entire life, and no, he won’t sing “Part of Your World,” and yes, he is going to put the human on land. In return, he learns that the human is named Alex, that he’s American, and that he’s the son of the American President. Knowing what he does about the American Navy, Henry nearly puts Alex back where he found him. He swears Alex to secrecy — although he understands he can hardly trust a human he’s only just met — and in exchange for his silence, Alex asks Henry to meet him on the beach the next day. So Henry does. And then the next day. And then the day after that…

Send me an AU and I’ll tell you five fun facts about it!

[anony-man]

@aquilegiaformosa So… I’ve done it 👀 I don’t actually have a name for this (gonna try to think one up), but for anyone reading, this is based off of the AMAZING headcanon that you can find here. Enjoy!!

The Truth Hurts

(prob gonna change)

Word Count: 5,067

Relationship: First Aid/Vortex, First Aid/Ambulon (implied)

Rating and warnings: M; mild sexual content, implied/referenced sexual content.

Something was… off, to say the least. While First Aid hadn’t been able to put his finger on just what was going on with his unofficial partner (slash fuck-buddy, slash not-so-secret admirer, slash… well, he was sure something new would pop up given enough time), but he just couldn’t figure out what.

He and Vortex were on fairly solid ground, as far as he could tell. Despite the pushback from their respective factions, neither Vortex nor First Aid had found it in themselves to put an end to what had supposed to have been an accidental one night stand. Their first encounter had been good, of course. Kissing was always hot, no matter the context, and First Aid had enjoyed making out with the Combaticon in the farthest booth of Swerve’s bar while feeling each other up beneath the table.

When push came to shove, and they had begun receiving dirty looks from the fellow patrons, the two combiners had ended the night in a shady motel on the same street corner. It certainly wasn’t the fanciest hookup First Aid had ever experienced, but something had him coming back for more every time. He still hadn’t figured out whether that something was Vortex’s irresistible nature or the fact that the Decepticon quite literally left him no choice in the matter (being a skilled interrogator had its perks, it seemed, because Vortex was always very good at tracking First Aid down), but First Aid wasn’t complaining. If he were being honest, he might have been more involved that Vortex.

Still, the Combaticon had never left him pacing the open streets alone for more than twenty minutes. Vortex was an unpredictable mech by nature, but even First Aid had grown accustomed to the bot’s habits, and based on his calculations, Vortex should have whisked him away into some sketchy alleyway for another heated session about ten minutes ago.

He didn’t mean to be so obsessed, really. First Aid didn’t see himself as obsessed, but it was what Ratchet had said in passing when the young medic made his routine excuse of “catching lunch at his favorite restaurant.” Ratchet was… well, he was Ratchet, so First Aid had brushed off the optic roll and muttered comment pretty easily, but what had him shaken up was the way Ambulon—of all mechs—had watched him leave with the most dejected, somber expression First Aid had ever seen the medic pull. His lingering gaze bore imaginary holes into First Aid’s back, and even now, miles from the clinic, he could still feel Ambulon’s disapproval.

“It’s just a fling,” First Aid whispered to himself, turning the corner and heading down a deserted sidewalk.

He wasn’t obsessed. Being obsessed would mean he was starting to catch feelings, which wasn’t—that wasn’t good. There was nothing wrong with falling for another bot, but falling for the enemy? First Aid had read plenty of cheesy romance stories over the years, and he knew better than most how that would turn out.

Vortex is different though, his mind nagged, a familiar heat budding up in his core, splitting his thoughts between relief and anxiety. He gritted his teeth and wrapped his arms around his middle, doing his best to suppress the guilt that bubbled up over the internal dilemma.

“He’s a good mech,” First Aid said aloud, ignoring the strange looks he received from passing bots. “Okay, maybe not—maybe not good good, but he’s… he’s different. He likes me… I think. He hasn’t killed me yet, and there’s been plenty of chances, so that’s gotta mean something, right?”

First Aid kept a steady pace as he walked down the street, his attention elsewhere. He was oblivious to most of the stimuli around him, too caught up in his own world to take notice, but the moment he felt the sudden shift against his EM field, the faint presence of someone else following him, trailing behind at a distance, he took immediate notice.

Despite the fact that the mask he wore hid most of the accidental expressions he pulled, First Aid still hated the way a big, relieved smile spread across his faceplates beneath the thin metal. His downcast gaze caught sight of a familiar set of pedes stepping into pace with his, just enough space between the two of them for any bystanders to mistaken the pair for a couple of strangers. It was part of the thrill, the unimportant acknowledgement they received from other bots walking the streets. No one else would have guessed that they, a member of the Autobot army and Decepticon ranks respectively, were fraternizing.

First Aid leaned in a bit, shifting his weight so that his shoulder plating would brush against Vortex’s. To his surprise, the movement wasn’t reciprocated, but he did his best to suppress the sting of hurt when the Combaticon shied away in response. Confused, but not invested enough to push for a reason behind the reaction, First Aid stole a quick, discreet glance at his companion.

Vortex’s expression was cool, emotionless. The corner of his mouth was pulled down into a small frown, almost resembling a sort of upside-down smirk. It was a shocking expression to pull, especially given the circumstances, but First Aid was too amused by the comparison to question it.

“Hi,” he said, slowing to a stop at an intersection. “Didn’t think you would find me.”

Really, he didn’t think Vortex was going to show up, but First Aid had learned that the Combaticon took offense to being labeled as anything but unpredictable. He gently reached out via his EM field, a warm, affectionate aura brushing against Vortex’s own cold, restrained one. He’d never know the mech to be so closed off, so cagey—not even in the beginning, when they were first starting out. If First Aid was concerned before (which he was), he was even more concerned now, and he was about to say as much, but Vortex beat him to it.

“Things have been a little iffy on our side lately,” Vortex replied simply. First Aid was willing to leave it at that, but the Combaticon continued, a look of pained discomfort on his face as he met First Aid’s worried gaze. “Nothing for you to fret over. I figured you’d be worried, so I snuck out to meet up for a little bit. It can’t last long, but we can at least and stuff, if you’re up for it?”

“You were right,” he said, this time pressing against Vortex’s side until their arms were intertwined and plating was pressed close. “I was worried.”

Vortex smiled at that, and the familiar flutter of relief and fondness settled in First Aid’s chest.

“Knew it,” the Combaticon grinned, hooking one servo through First Aid’s arm before dragging him off into—as First Aid had anticipated—another dirty, sketchy alley.

It was like their own personal love language, hooking up in dirty alleys. Whether their romantic rendezvous stuck to said alleyway or ended up in another shady hotel room was entirely up to the Combaticon, but First Aid had become well acquainted with the—surprisingly private—areas Vortex often had them occupying.

“It’s been a while,” First Aid huffed out, his servos finding purchase in the seams of Vortex’s plating as the Combaticon reached up to remove his mask. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks, Tex.”

Rather than respond, Vortex gently pressed First Aid back against the wall, positioning himself so that he had easy access to the rapidly heating panels between the medic’s thighs. He brought First Aid in for a long, sloppy kiss, putting an end to any further discussion. It didn’t take long before First Aid was a desperate, panting mess, his modesty panel retracting to make room for a pulsing spike and a slick, throbbing valve. However, just as things began to get somewhere, Vortex suddenly pulled away.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere a little more private?” He suggested, tracing his fingers along the outer edges of First Aid’s valve. As soon as First Aid began to moan in response, his frame pushing up into the touch, Vortex pulled back. “I’d like to see you stretched out and squirming on a real berth for once.”

“Er… okay,” First Aid said, his mood only slightly dampened by the sudden change of plans. Things were just starting to get good, and it always took him so long to get back into the mood. “Your place this time?”

“Yeah,” Vortex said, his rotors already beating the wind against his back. “You’ve never been, right? What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t take you back to my place at least once?”

First Aid gave a hesitant nod as Vortex transformed, the mass shifting leaving a large, roomy cockpit for him to ride inside. He wasn’t about to admit it, but he’d sort of been looking forward to interfacing out in the open. It was exciting, feeding off of each other’s pleasure and chasing a climax together while risking the very possible chance of getting caught in the act. Besides, he’d never been alone in the same building with Vortex before, and despite the increase in stolen moments spent together in the past several months, First Aid wasn’t exactly sure they were ready for the move-in step.

Vortex left little time to think things over, however, and before First Aid could even blink, they were lifting off of the ground and heading far, far away from the hospital, the ship, and the Autobots.

To First Aid’s surprise, the ride to Vortex’s personal residence was a little more exciting than he’d given the Combaticon credit for. The stifling heat from Vortex’s core and the steady thrum of his engines left First Aid a tingling, desperate mess, and as soon as they had landed outside of Vortex’s apartment (which was much larger than First Aid had expected), First Aid was practically dragging him in towards the berth.

It should have been a bright red flag at the time, but First Aid hadn’t found it at all strange the way Vortex seemed to prep the area before joining him in the very, very large berth (much too large to have been for Vortex alone. Did his gestalt stay with him during the week?). First Aid waited impatiently as Vortex went about the room, drawing thick blinds over huge windows and securing the locks on the entrance despite the fact that they were, quite literally, at the top of the building. All that had mattered to First Aid was that he was here now, that Vortex wasn’t hurt or mad or upset, and that he hadn’t just been leading him on for Primus’ knows what reason, so First Aid quickly pushed the thought aside.

The Combaticon’s EM field still remained painfully closed off compared to First Aid’s own. Vortex’s emotions were well concealed and his expression was hard, but First Aid made up for the both of them with long, tender kisses and deep, satisfied moans as Vortex covered every inch of his frame with the gentle work of skilled fingers against his frame. It didn’t matter that the mech’s familiar touch had become cold—much too cold to belong to a mech who he’d seen and slept with time and time again—and First Aid continued to make up for it with his own affectionate display.

Some time later, after the two had made a mess of the berth and left sizable marks on each other’s frame, First Aid lay stretched out against the thin berth sheets, Vortex curled up close beside him. The Combaticon gently stroked a servo up and down First Aid’s side, pausing to dip his fingers between tender seams and toy with visible wires. His cool exterior hadn’t changed much—not even during interfacing. First Aid was getting more concerned by the second, and while he hated to pry, he couldn’t just let things go without at least trying to come to a logical solution.

“You said things were getting difficult on your end,” First Aid said, looking for a way to break the ice that didn’t make them both feel terribly uncomfortable. “Didn’t you mention having to talk with your gestalt about us? How’d that go?”

Vortex shrugged, his shoulder plating pressing into First Aid’s side. “Went as expected. They were pissed, of course. Told ole Megsy and everything.” He paused, shifting into a more comfortable position against First Aid’s side. “I mean… you can’t really blame them, can you?”

Well. That wasn’t what First Aid had expected to hear.

“Wha-… what do you mean?” First Aid asked, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Vortex’s face. Next to him, the Combaticon did the same.

“You’re an addictive one, you know that?” Vortex teased. From where he lay on his front, he reached out a servo and gently stroked First Aid’s cheek. “Megatron just thinks you’ve been getting in the way of Bruticus, that’s all. And I’ve gotta say, he has a point. But that’s just his opinion. It’s not like I can’t think for myself, right?”

“Right,” First Aid said, feeling both nervous and relieved at the answer. “Well… do you agree with him?”

Again, Vortex shrugged. However, instead of going back to gently stroking First Aid’s plating, the Combaticon rose up off of the berth and shifted closer, moving until he was straddling First Aid’s chest. He leaned on his elbows, his faceplates inches from First Aid’s, and smiled.

“Hard to say,” he said, leaning in close. “I’ve never had something last this long before.”

From the strange angle, First Aid couldn’t quite tell whether Vortex was trying to intimidate him or just looking for another kiss. He tried to push himself back a bit, get better adjusted against the berth, but Vortex’s servos immediately shot out to stop him, trapping his servos up over his helm. All of a sudden, the cozy, affectionate atmosphere quickly turned threatening, and First Aid felt like an unfortunate Autobot prisoner caught in the possession of the Decepticon’s most formidable interrogator again, their fluctuating past be damned.

“Vortex,” First Aid said, his voice laced with growing panic. “Vortex—stop, please. You’re hurting me.”

Vortex ignored the complaints, instead leaning in to gently nibble at First Aid’s exposed throat. It didn’t take long before that, too, had begun to hurt, and First Aid could feel a hot, painful sting where Vortex’s teeth had dug in a little too deep.

“One thing is for certain, little medibot,” Vortex said, pulling away just long enough to catch First Aid’s gaze. “Bruticus says I’ve been getting far too distant lately, and I’m afraid what Bruticus says goes. It’s a shame, really. I kinda liked you.”

Whether it was pure instinct or the influence from those stupid self-defense holovids Ambulon had forced him to watch while station in Delphi, First Aid wasn’t sure. Either way, something much more primitive and a lot less programmed picked in, and he suddenly found himself desperate to flee.

First Aid was far from being an experienced fighter, but years spent hauling half-dead soldiers back and forth and pinning belligerent bots down against operating tables had given him plenty to work with. After some back and forth between the two bots, all it took was a well-angled kick to the throat to send Vortex reeling across the berth and tumbling over the side to break free.

First Aid didn’t give his medical programming a chance to lock down his movements or scramble to assess the damage he’d done before he was making a run for the door, one servo pressed to his throat to stop the flow of energon from the nasty bite wound while the other desperately tried to cover up the mess of lubricant and transfluid that still coated his outer plating.

He slammed into the door, the force knocking his ventilations out of wack for the briefest moment, but First Aid didn’t hesitate to begin fumbling with the lock. He cursed under his breath, his optics wide beneath his visor and his chest heaving as he frantically punched in various different codes. Why, oh why was there a pin-pad lock on the door? Had Vortex been planning all of this from the very beginning? Was any of their relationship ever real? Had he ever actually cared about—

Suddenly, First Aid was being knocked to the floor, his pedes flung out from underneath him. He yelped in surprise as Vortex grabbed ahold of him by the arm and forcefully dragged him back across the room, his mouth twisted into a furious grimace as he fought to restrain First Aid’s flailing arms with his free servo.

“Wait! Please!” First Aid begged, his pedes kicking and scrabbling for support against the slick floor as Vortex dragged him back towards the berth. “Let me go, let me go!”

“Megatron was right, you know,” Vortex hissed, his teeth gritted as he gave First Aid another jerk. “You are a weakness to keep around. Believe me, I didn’t believe it either—not at first. But Bruticus comes first, and I can’t focus on the Decepticon cause if you’re still alive and kicking.”

As they stepped back into the berthroom, First Aid reached out for the doorframe, fingers desperately scrabbling for a secure hold, but Vortex’s arm around his neck made the act an insignificant one. With his hope fading and his spark practically shattered, First Aid was about ready to give up. As a final act of desperation, he forced his frame to go limp in Vortex’s hold. As expected, the Combaticon was immediately startled and made the awful mistake of letting go. First Aid took the chance then, and he bolted for the nearest window.

Rather than bother with the lock, First Aid quickly tore the blinds away and punched his way through the glass, which—as expected—shattered on impact. First Aid didn’t bother looking back; he didn’t need to see Vortex’s expression to know that there would be no shame, no remorse. Without a second thought, First Aid sent up a quick prayer to Primus and pushed his way through the broken glass.

Jagged bits and pieces tore at his frame and stuck into the tender mesh between the seams of his plating, but First Aid didn’t stop until he was free. He let himself tumble the many feet from the top of the building down below, landing rather painfully into a pile of waste bins below. It was a long, disorienting process, one which left him worrying that Vortex may have just followed behind and would be seconds from taking him back into that Primus-forsaken room, but as soon as First Aid had regained his bearings, he was taking off down the street.

The sound of squealing tires and thick, dark clouds that poured from his exhaust were probably not good signs, but as soon as First Aid had transformed and started down the empty streets, he didn’t stop. Mechs and femmes alike scrambled to jump out of the way as he sped past, and First Aid was only vaguely aware of the sound of rotors beating in the wind behind him. Still, he didn’t stop. Adrenaline still raced through his frame, and his spark pounded so quickly First Aid was almost afraid he’d have to be revived once he’d made it back to the hospital, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop until the huge white building was in his sights, and he didn’t transform until he was speeding through glass doors, dark tire tracks permanently scorched into the hospital’s floor as he came to a screeching halt.

It was probably quite the startling sight. Patients who suffered like he had just suffered usually were. To First Aid’s surprise, the adrenaline that had helped him thus far was much quicker to wear off, and before Ratchet or anyone else had even heard who had just come bursting through the hospital’s main floor, he was a panicking, bawling mess in the middle of the waiting room.

“First Aid?” Someone shouted—he couldn’t tell who it was, or what they wanted. First Aid was barely coherent, too far along in his self-induced panic attack to discern different tones. “First Aid! What happened? Talk to me, First Aid. Talk to me!”

It was Ratchet. Optics wide as saucers, servos clutching First Aid’s shoulders in a vice grip, loudly and desperately demanding an answer, a response, anything. First Aid tried to speak, he really did, but the only sound that came out was a hoarse, shaky wheeze.

It didn’t take long before there was someone else there, too. Someone a little more experienced, someone more reliable. Ambulon had seen his fair share of panic attacks from First Aid during their time spent in Delphi, and to say he had become the resident expert at soothing said panic attacks would have been an understatement.

“Hey, hey, hey. First Aid—First Aid? Can you hear me?”

He could, yes, he could. First Aid tried to speak—no, scratch that. He couldn’t speak right now. He tried to nod, and—yes, yes. This worked, it worked, he could nod. Ambulon moved in close, one arm wrapping tightly around First Aid’s shoulders to support him while the other shielded First Aid’s optics from the bright lights overhead.

“There we go, there we go. Good, that’s good. Come on, let’s get you—let’s… Ratchet, I’ve got him. You gotta—move, Ratchet, move. I’ve got him, okay. He’s okay, I’ve got him. Give us some space now, yeah? Give me room to work. Come on, now—hey, First Aid? It’s gonna be okay, alright? Let’s get you somewhere a little quiet, okay? We’ll talk soon, let’s just… let’s just focus on taking a few steps first, got it?”

He fumbled at first, his frame torn between remaining frozen to the spot and melting into the floor, but First Aid eventually began to move. He took it slowly, one step at a time, one pede in front of the other, and Ambulon’s arm remained wrapped around him at all times, his servo supporting First Aid from behind. Soon enough, they were moving away from the bright lights and deafening sounds. Soon enough, he could see a dark, quiet, empty room ahead, and First Aid found that he was able to breathe again.

“That’s it,” Ambulon said, leaning in to gauge First Aid’s reaction as they went. “Just a little further. We’ll get you settled into one of the berths until you’ve calmed down a bit, then—oh, slag. Hold on a second.”

“What’s going on out here?” Pharma, the only thing standing between First Aid and peace, stood in the doorway of the empty room, arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at the two medics with narrowed optics. “Ambulon? Care to explain?”

“I’ll explain later, if you could—“ Ambulon tried stepping around him, but it proved unsuccessful. “You—look, First Aid just a little worked up right now. I’d like to get in there, if you’d be so kind as to let me through.”

Pharma, once a compassionate doctor who cared deeply for his fellow coworkers, now offered no sympathy as he glared down at the two medics. “Unless you can provide me with good reason for this pathetic display, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you both to get back to your duties. Being a medic is very serious work, First Aid, and if you aren’t cut out—“

“Pharma,” Ambulon hissed, having dropped the pleading in exchange for forcefully shoving Pharma aside and pushing his way past. “I swear to Primus, if you don’t get out of my way, I’ll shove a fragging syringe through your optics.”

Pharma’s expression was a mixture of horror and disgust, but he did comply, muttering about medical malpractice under his breath as he stepped aside. The ex-Decepticon let out a soft sigh of relief, his irritation fading as they headed into the vacant room. It had been kind of funny in a weird sort of way—of course, even the most absurd situation would have seemed amusing after everything he’d experienced in the past twenty minutes—, so First Aid tried to laugh, but the only sound that came out was a choked, strangled sound.

“That’s going to come back to bite me,” Ambulon said, his expression a cross between poorly concealed guilt and his own sense of twisted amusement. “He kind of deserved it, though. It’s not like I was serious or anything—well, okay, maybe a little serious.”

Ambulon led the way across the operating room, not bothering to flip on the lights, and helped First Aid get settled onto the cold, metal table. He was still shaking from helm to pede, and he couldn’t quite get a word out that didn’t sound like a staticky garble, but First Aid’s unnecessary attempts at thanking Ambulon didn’t go unnoticed.

“Don’t try to speak,” Ambulon said, gently gathering up First Aid’s trembling servos into his grasp. “Just breathe, alright? In and out, like we’ve practiced. Take a minute to calm down, then we’ll talk.”

First Aid did just that. Loud, breathy heaves in and slow, shuddering sighs out were all he could manage at first, but after some time spent in the dark, quiet room with Ambulon standing by his side, a steady presence that held his servos and gently squeezed his upper arm plating from time to time, he eventually relaxed. Only once he had managed to take a deep breath without it hitching in his throat or triggering another bout of tears did Ambulon speak.

“It was Vortex, right? That’s who you were with?”

First Aid remained silent, his mouth quivering and his faceplates slick with tears. Ambulon sighed loudly, one servo pulling away from where it rested against First Aid’s side to dramatically slap against his forehead.

“First Aid… First Aid, I told you this would happen, remember. You know how combiners are. Slag, you are one, for Primus’ sake! What did you—what did you expect in the long term?”

First Aid took a long, shaky breath, his mind cloudy. If he were being honest, he wasn’t exactly sure what he should have expected, but nearly getting murdered after being invited into his crush’s home for a casual hookup certainly wasn’t high up on his list. His silence must have been enough of an answer for Ambulon, who sighed again, a bit more dramatically, and went back to gently stroking his thumb over the back of First Aid’s servo.

“Too late to turn back now, I suppose,” Ambulon huffed out, pulling away to cross his arms over his chest and stare down at First Aid with critical optics. “Well? Did he hurt you?”

First Aid shied away from the stern gaze, feeling far too vulnerable under Ambulon’s scrutiny. All of a sudden, the paint transfers and dents still marring his plating from Vortex’s servos felt disgusting, sinful even. He felt tainted by an evil being, his frame stained with transfluids and dried energon. It made him feel sick. The marks on his frame had been left on display for the world to see in the worst possible way, and no amount of cosmetics or therapy sessions would ever fix the long-term damage First Aid had been left with.

“Not really,” First Aid said, closing his thighs and reaching up to cover the bite wound in his neck with a trembling servo. “It was consensual at the time.”

“Consensual, huh?” Ambulon muttered under his breath. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m fine, Ambulon,” First Aid said, sterner now. “It startled me, that’s all. I’m fine now.”

Ambulon stared at him for a moment, visibly debating whether or not he should challenge the claim, but to First Aid’s relief, he didn’t press any further. Despite looking like he desperately wanted to continue the conversation, Ambulon held his tongue. They stayed quiet for a while, the occasional sounds of a hospital floor settling back into a natural groove after the startling interruption only faintly noticeable.

“We should probably get you some energon,” Ambulon eventually said, his voice wavering between a stern bedside manner and a worried acquaintance. “I’ll go with you. I can help take care of anyone that might try to ask questions. After that, we can head to my quarters, and I’ll get something from Ratchet for you to take so you can sleep this off, since… well—you know, since the shock hasn’t started to wear off yet. It takes a toll on the processor, this sort of thing, and I wouldn’t want you waking up and—“

“Thank you,” First Aid said, gently reaching up to pull Ambulon in for a brief hug. “I’d really like that.”

Ambulon allowed the hug for all of three seconds, but he quickly pulled away, visibly feeling hesitant and uncertain. First Aid wasn’t in the best state to be gauging people’s emotions, but he could tell from the look on the medic’s face that there was something else, something Ambulon had yet to mention. He waited patiently, growing tired from the aftermath of his experience, but nothing came of it. Instead, Ambulon gently helped First Aid back up to his feet, one servo gripping the young medic’s shoulder while the other servo hovered behind First Aid’s back, ready to support him if needed.

The walk was long and agonizing, and First Aid couldn’t help shedding a few tears as the near-fatal experience sank in. As his shoulders began to shake with quiet sobs, his servos clutched against his chest in a desperate effort to fend off the waves of grief and heartbreak (why, why was he so upset over such an unimportant mech? Had Vortex ever been serious about him, or was it always so one-sided?), Ambulon pulled him close, one arm wrapping protectively around First Aid’s shoulders as he led the way to the dining hall.

“Thank you,” First Aid repeated, a shuddering, breathy gasp that left his chest burning for air.

Ambulon didn’t respond, merely kept his gaze straight ahead. First Aid wasn’t bothered by this, though, and resigned himself to leaning into Ambulon’s touch as his mind caught up with his body.

He was so lucky—so very, very lucky—to have a friend like Ambulon.

[persephoneflowerpetals]

So in one of the later episodes of the animated series, both Hercules and Hades refer to Hermes as Hercules' uncle... but Hades doesn't call him his brother and I don't think he ever has, despite calling Poseidon and Zeus brothers. So that got me wondering if, in this universe, Hermes was Hera's brother instead of Zeus/Hades', or maybe he's their half-brother, or if they just call him uncle because he's so close to the family. I figured you would know more about the ins and outs of that universe's weird familial cannon so I figured I'd ask you what your opinion was...... because part of me thinks the idea of Hades and Hermes being brothers is funny considering the similarities they share

I am SO sorry for replying to this so late!! I was so excited to answer this because I too wanted to talk about this lol! Also I totally appreciate you wanting to ask my opinion on this!!! Thank you!! ☺️💕

Anyways, I most certainly noted how in the Big Show episode Hermes was referred to as an uncle of Hercules by Herc himself and Hades (his ACTUAL uncle lol). Actually, I know I’ve talked about this before, but I find it crazy that not ONCE in the series OR in the movie does Hercules refer to Hades as his uncle. He just calls him Hades. Actually, I don’t even think Hercules even knew Hades was his uncle in the movie. Hades first introduced himself to Hercules in the movie while he was training (after his big fight with Phil). He doesn’t say anything like “Zeus’ little brother” (probably because he hates the fact that he’s Zeus’ little brother lmao, like why would he bring that up?) or “I’m your uncle btw” lmao. He just gives his iconic intro lol. Not even Zeus refers to Hades as his brother in the movie. He just treats him like an old friend he hasn’t talk to for years lol (which isn’t surprising lol). Like, you wouldn’t even know Hades was Zeus’ brother or Hercules’ uncle unless you read the plot summary or watched the animated series lol. Actually, now that I think about it. It’d be so funny that if after the movie Hercules finds out from Zeus that Hades, the guy that made his true love an indentured servant and tried to take over Olympus, was actually his uncle. Like, I feel like Hercules would be so shocked like

Hercules: Wait…he’s my UNCLE?! Hades is your BROTHER?! You’re actually RELATED to him?!

Meg: Hmm, it really is a small world. I guess, it’s a good thing you didn’t get any of his genes, huh, Wonderboy? *smirks*

Funnily enough though, Hades has referred to Hercules as his nephew a couple times in the show (mainly in the Tapestry of Fate and the Driving Test episodes). But he doesn’t verbally refer to himself as Hercules’s uncle. Like, he doesn’t say anything like “I’m his uncle for cryin’ out loud!” or anything like that lol (though, he does call himself “Unca’ Hades” in the Gorgon episode when he talks to Medusa about her “girly troubles” as a joke).

But anyways lol, I don’t think Hermes is related to Hercules in any way. Like, that’s literally the only time he’s referred to as an “uncle” or a familial member of Hercules’ family. I honestly think it’s just because Hermes is so close to Herc and his parents. Like, those really close friends of your parents that you call “uncle” or “aunt” when they’re not even actually related to you (like, I made an incorrect quote during the holidays with Zagreus, Persephone, and Hades where Zagreus refers to Artemis as “Aunt Artemis” even though they’re not related because she and Persephone are besties lol). So yeah, I feel like that’s what was going on for that episode lol. Hermes is like an “honorary uncle” to Hercules because he’s so close to his parents and to him (even Hades knows this and doesn’t seem to care since as I said, he doesn’t even verbally refer to himself as Hercules’ uncle lol).

I do think the idea of Hermes being Hera’s brother is kinda cute though lol. Like, it really would explain why he and Zeus are so tight lol. He’s his brother-in-law lmao. But yeah, as I said, (as far as I know) nothing’s ever mentioned about Hermes being related to Hercules. He’s just a close friend of the family and is kind of an “honorary uncle” lol.

Of course, I could go on and on about the (supposed) family connections between Hera, Hestia, and Demeter from the series, but this post would get too long 😂

[rivetgoth]

A Plea for CGI

I feel like the last bastion of defense for CGI as an art form sometimes dude. CGI fascinates me so much. As a kid it felt so wondrous and unlike anything I’d ever seen. The dancing bear in Teletubbies was the first instance of CGI I ever remember seeing and it enamored me unlike anything else. It felt like genuine magic. I felt similarly about Tiny Planets, which genuinely felt like it transported me to an alien world. Later on as a kid I stumbled onto the Madagascar tech reel Easter egg on the DVD and it was the scariest thing I’d ever seen. It scared me so bad I couldn’t be in the same room and I was scared to turn off the television. I stayed in my bedroom until my dad got home because I knew he’d turn the TV off if he walked in and saw nobody watching it and I didn't want to be out there until I knew for sure the television was off and the reel wouldn't still be playing. I couldn’t sleep for days after seeing it and I was literally scared of DVD menus for fear of accidentally stumbling onto something like that again. Blooper reels for CG films absolutely terrified me, it was like genuinely nauseatingly scary. The “You’re not perfect” Courage the Cowardly Dog bit was similar.

I don’t think I’m an anomaly for finding these examples scary, a LOT of people did (the former one is full of commenters saying it scared them as a kid, the latter is literally meant to be scary). But the thing is with CGI, despite that it never stopped having this sort of wonder to me as well. When I was a kid CGI still felt uncommon enough that any time it was employed it felt really magical. It felt like I was seeing into a world that didn’t actually exist. I think its ability even in its earliest forms to be implemented into live action media, or its ability to have strange three dimensional properties when used in fully animated films, gave it this sense that it could be used to bring things to life in a way that couldn’t be done before. Like, I recognized even as a kid that the dancing bear didn’t look REAL. But it also looked three dimensional. It looked almost dreamlike to me.

I think the history of CGI as an art form is just so fascinating. I remember how fascinated I was reading about the CGI of the 80s and 90s, as it began to move beyond being an oddity that computer scientists could use to demonstrate tech and found some mainstream and wider spread usage. Tony De Peltrie (1985) was the first CGI human to express emotion and objectively he hasn’t aged well, he looks super creepy as does almost everything about his short film, but it fascinates me that he was so well received and touched people’s emotions in spite of that. The human ability to connect with something so alien in every way—stylistically, but even in terms of the art form being used, which was still absolutely brand new—is so interesting. The fact that the Canned Food International Council commissioned a commercial to be done fully in CGI in 1984 and it was referred to as so realistic you “couldn’t tell if it was animated or not” when nowadays it’s surpassed by PS1 video game graphics is so fascinating. The entire implication of that moment in the history of art, advertising, aesthetic. Maybe most fascinating to me is the short series Quarxs from the 90s utilizing CGI in one of the most bizarre ways I’ve ever seen to this day to bring to life cryptobiological organisms. Really insane looking stuff using really limited technology. The creator of Quarxs, Maurice Benayoun, writes theory on virtual reality, including some really interesting stuff about the human relationship to the material and virtual world that is most definitely reflected in Quarxs.

Nowadays I turn to Severed Heads as an example of one of the most fascinating recent uses of CGI to intentionally evoke the uncanniness of older CG and bring to life the music through a visual accompaniment. “Tiny Wounded Bird” (2016) is hard to watch even as an adult, it feels like in the best way it strikes so much uncanny fear that would've ruined my life as a child. It was the first time I saw someone fully, intentionally evoke those fears in art—I think it’s so fascinating the way CGI evokes the uncanny valley so easily for so many, and Tom Ellard was clearly aware of this. Tom Ellard, the artist behind Severed Heads, has worked on the cutting edge of technology to make unabashedly uncanny art in both visual and auditory forms since the 70s.

I see people suggest the uncanniness of CGI has to do with early or pre-textured CGI looking almost corpse-like, but I always felt like it was something else, it's not just CGI People Look Creepy. I think it’s just so, so, so foreign to the eyes. It exists in a three dimensional plane that should be similar to ours but isn’t quite ours. It can emulate the human body but also contort it in any way imaginable. The blooper reels I mentioned being scared of as a kid show these fully three dimensional beings with limbs elongated far past the physical possibility of a real body, eyes popping out of the head. Shadows having to be implemented manually, AI trying to figure out how physics work for thousands of particles of simulated hair. It's sterile and it's incomparable to really anything else. CGI is an entirely new artform, unique from any other that exists. It's literally creating a whole new plane of reality. I think it should lean into that more.

I think CGI as a tool is extremely oversaturated due to all sorts of issues within the entertainment industry around the desire to rush products, the lack of unionization and worker protection, corruption from the top down causing companies to rely on it heavily in the least imaginative and most predatory ways. But that’s not the fault of CGI as an art form, which is still only a couple of decades old—Again, Tony de Peltrie, first emotive CGI human, is only about 40 years old. The first television series less than that. The first movie only about 30. This is BRAND NEW technology. We are in the earliest of earliest stages of CGI experimentation. History will look back on CGI and not view 2024 as notably distant from Toy Story’s release in ‘95. I think it’s only in the past few years that we’ve seen mainstream film really try to use CGI for something genuinely brand new—Trolls in 2016 creating an entire world comprised of textures that wouldn’t exist in such a way in real life (like felt ground, cotton ball clouds, etc), Moana (also in 2016) using computer generated blacklight and neon for the Tamatoa sequence, Into the Spider-Verse in 2018 absolutely changing the game with its use of comic book stylization that looks nothing like anything that came before it, followed by Puss in Boots: The Last Wish in 2022 implementing something similar to evoke a storybook feeling and experimenting with intentional drops in frames per second (there’s a cool video about it here that covers some of this). But these new and inventive attempts at CG, all less than a decade old, would not exist without the decades leading up to it. Terminator 2 was an extremely significant breakthrough in animating liquid. Finding Nemo over a decade later was a huge technical breakthrough for animated underwater environments. 1991 to 2003, 12 years spent learning how to make a computer animate water, and Finding Nemo looks plenty dated now. The first realistic digital fire was shown off in my all time favorite animated short, Peedee Meets the Dragon, in 1989! Only 35 years ago animating fire was in and of itself a feat! Toy Story in 1995 famously used toys as protagonists because humans were still difficult to animate—Only 29 years ago HUMANS still couldn’t be consistently animated in CGI. The Incredibles would be THE FIRST ALL HUMAN CAST that Pixar would attempt, and that was in 2004, almost a DECADE later. All the weird uncanny experimental stuff are building blocks to something so much greater than we can even imagine. I really believe that.

So like, yeah, the homogeneity of CGI in the industry right now is frustrating. The industry-standard willingness to exploit digital artists for rushed, cheap, and unregulated third party work is disgusting and genuinely abhorrent. But man, I hate seeing CGI itself shit on in the same breaths that these criticisms are made. So much fundamental misunderstanding of what it is and what it can do as an art form and such a lack of genuine desire to see it continue to evolve and progress. To be blunt a decent amount of it is just straight up nostalgia, and often very rose tinted nostalgia. “Things from my childhood looked better.” Sometimes it’s genuinely being misinformed—Tons of movies that get heralded as being traditional animation or practical effects… still utilize some form of CGI. I also think there’s something to be said about the fact that I believe the current trend of using CGI for hyper realistic effects in big budget live action films is genuinely a misusage of the medium and a complete failure to actually utilize CGI in any meaningful way (looking at you, live action Disney remakes). I love practical effects and I love traditional animation, but I don’t see why they need to be at odds with CGI. The best and most visually striking movies with the greatest visuals tend to recognize that and utilize a blend of the strengths of more than one of these mediums—Though interestingly, Courage the Cowardly Dog remains one of the only examples I can think of that uses CGI as a form of mixed media INTENTIONALLY. As in, not to look hyper-realistic or to replace/accompany practical effect or traditional animation, but to squarely be intentionally meant to be read as CGI in order to evoke a specific tone, functionally using CGI as a punchline the same way one would use live action shots in a show like Spongebob. I'm sure others have done it, but it doesn't appear particularly common.

That’s my last note: I really want to see CGI utilized more with both its strengths and weaknesses taken into account. Back to “Tiny Wounded Bird,” which makes use of the way models of the human body can be reskinned and manipulated to the point of being unrecognizable, a succinct but evocative visual theme for a song about pride and suffering. But I want to talk about another older CGI short film that does something similar, Polly Gone from 1988.

Y’all, I’m literally switching from my phone to my computer to type this out because this matters a lot to me.

EVERYONE writes Polly Gone off as absurdism. That goofy "Early CGI Was Horrifying" video writes it off as "a shitpost," which half the damn commenters on the artist's upload are quoting, annoyingly. The VintageCG Youtube account cruelly calls it "The second worst computer animation ever produced." It finds its way onto r/OddlyTerrifying and similar subreddits not unoften. You guys. Polly Gone is directed by the artist Shelley Lake, who has made this statement about her work:

"The artwork that comes from the world inside is the culmination of my mind’s eye–a fantasy world where, through my imagination, anything is possible. I enthusiastically partner with intelligent machines and together we create an artificial reality. A simulated world of superheroes, erotic men and women, wireframe meshworks, anatomical investigations, cybernetic creatures, phantasmagoric depictions of impossible people, places and things. Although these artworks often resemble our photo-real existence, these creations are utterly unreal and sometimes uncanny." (X)

She KNOWS it's uncanny. She knows it's weird. And her work is, explicitly, intentionally, and, honestly, blatantly, engaging with the weirdness of this medium to deliver messages in ways surreal, fresh, bizarre, and off-putting. I don't know what exactly her intentions are behind Polly Gone, but I would very strongly make a case for it being about women's roles in society, or at least that being a perfectly viable interpretation, especially if you do a 5 second deep dive into her body of work exploring themes about female bodies, sexuality, kink, and queerness. Her synopsis on her own Youtube page for this short is: "A day in the life of a robot." Consider watching it through a feminist lens. Consider how uncanny and dehumanized this animation is of an expressionless, mechanical humanoid--in a dress, in lipstick, with breasts--that zooms around its futuristic house doing mundane chores. Consider the name being a feminized version of the word "polygone." Consider this oddly cool OddlyTerrifying comment:

They're joking, but they're not: This is a short film from the EIGHTIES, seven years before Toy Story would be the first full-length CGI film. Shelley Lake received both a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and a Master of Sciences degree in the 70s. This is artistic experimenting from someone with years of experience, this is making use of the strengths and unique facets of computer generated animation that cannot be replicated through any other means, and it is not purposeless nor does it deserve to be written off as "a shitpost." And it's not asking you to look past the CGI limitations, it is wholly embracing them.

I want to see more CGI play with this. I think it was a mistake to veer CGI in the direction of trying to disguise it as something that it is not. I think it can work as an accompaniment to other effects, sure, but I don't think its sole purpose should be photorealistic lions emoting less than their real world counterparts singing covers of Elton John songs. I wish CGI wasn't devalued and I wish people would engage with it as a unique art form of its own.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I haven’t done a new dream Taskmaster contestants list since the season 17 lineup came out, so I thought it was time for one. A list based on who hasn’t been cast yet in the first 17 seasons. I’m going to split this into two separate lists.

People who might possibly appear on Taskmaster UK at some point:

- Ahir Shah

- David O’Doherty (even though he is not UK)

- Josie Long

- Chris Addison

- Eleanor Morton

Alternates – by which I mean copouts because I managed to narrow down my top five but I have more that I wanted to list:

- Michael Legge

- Jessica Fostekew

- Rhys James

- Ian Smith

- Sarah Keyworth

- Danielle Ward

- Liam Williams

- Kiri Pritchard-McLean

People who would never appear on Taskmaster but would be on my dream list if we could have anyone, but still with some connection to the sort of people who do the show:

- John Oliver (wouldn’t do it due to: too important)

- Andrew Zachariah Zaltzman (wouldn’t do it due to: insufficiently important, because generally when they pick a comedian who isn’t already TV famous, it’s someone young and up-and-coming and Andy doesn’t fit the bill for that role – but I’d love it if they proved me wrong; also I realize he's younger than Michael Legge who also isn't TV famous, but I think Michael Legge is bigger on social media so that makes him feel slightly more realistic, I think, I don't have a good sense of how famous British people are, also I just remembered that Danielle Ward doesn’t perform anymore so she's probably less likely than Andy too)

- Kitson (wouldn’t do it due to: he doesn’t do anything where people can see him, despite having chosen to pursue a career in public performance, and I would sell out everyone I’ve ever met to have him filmed doing just one team task with John Oliver)

- Grace Petrie (wouldn’t do it due to: musician, though she did that one fucking excellent comedy hour and one or two more could get her in the Taskmaster pool and could also significantly improve my life)

- Gavin Osborn (wouldn’t do it due to: also not a comedian, but he’s on this list mostly because I’m imagining that these lists of five people will make up one Taskmaster season, and I love the idea of Gavin Osborn and Grace Petrie on a Taskmaster team together, or in fact doing anything together, couple of comedy-adjacent socialists with guitars)

…I didn’t mean for that list to become just Chocolate Milk Gang + Grace Petrie, but it’s not surprising that it did.

Dream Taskmaster Australia lineup, because I’ve decided I have one of those:

- Alice Fraser

- Laura Davis

- Tim Minchin

- Tom Ballard

- Adam Hills (I want to really hate him for some of his pro-monarchy shit, and I did object to it enough to stop following The Last Leg last year, but the fact is that I’d still like to see his wildly competitive side come out on Taskmaster)

- Alternate - or actually maybe she's on the list and Hills is the alternate - Claudia O'Doherty

People I’d most like to see fill the National Treasures role, if we pretend that literally no one is too famous to do that role, and also that they’re able to bring people back from the dead as long as they’re sufficiently National Treasure-y:

- Michael Palin

- Douglas Adams

- Sandi Toksvig

- Armando Iannucci

- Olivia Coleman

Dream Taskmaster lineup, any category:

It would be worth setting gender and racial equality back by thirty years, to have these five white guys on one season where the final studio task is to take apart a cow.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Shin Dark [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the forest

Yui: ( Iーー will follow Shin-kun. )

( I want to be there for him. )

( Shin-kun...can be somewhat worrying at times. )

Shin: ...Hey, you. 

Yui: Eh...?

Shin: You’ve been staring right at me this whole time, what’s wrong? ...Do I have something stuck on my face?

Yui: T-That’s not it...It’s just, I’m a little worried. 

( Of course, I’m concerned about Carla-san’s illness as well... )

( But what worries me the most...is that Shin-kun might be pushing himself too much. )

Shin: ...I mean, I get what you’re trying to say.

ー He steps closer

*Rustle*

Shin: Nii-san...He might seem to be doing fine right now, but who knows what could happen at literally any moment.

However...Don’t worry. It’s true that we’re the only First Bloods left in the Demon World.

*Rustle*

Shin: But now that Karlheinz is out of the picture, we’re pretty much the strongest people around, no? Right, Nii-san?

Carla: Of course.

Shin: All these different Demons have been coming to visit us.

Because they acknowledge that we are number one now. They want us on their side.

Carla: Karlheinz disappeared, leaving the Demon World in a state of disarray.

I assume that the other Clans are hoping to use powers as a way to survive under these circumstances. 

Of course, there will also be those who will try to take advantage of the situation to climb to the top.

Shin: Well, they were unable of doing so before because they feared Karlheinz’ powers.

Carla: They believe that right now, they could be in command...That is what they are making themselves believe.

Shin: ...Personally, I don’t think there’s any chance that those kind of people will ever gain sovereignty over the Demon World.

Carla: ...Hmph.

Yui: ( I mean...It’s true that’s what it felt like. Nobody could oppose Karlheinz-san... )

( Not even the Sakamaki brothers dared to face him. )

*Rustle*

Yui: But...Was there never anyone who could rival Karlheinz-san in strength?

Shin: ...Who knows? Not as far as I’ve heard. How about you, Nii-san?

Carla: ...There was not.

Yui: ( In which case...It’s kind of odd. )

( If we look purely at genetics...Founders should be more powerful than Karlheinz-san. )

( So I wonder why there was never someone like that. )

Carla: ...What’s the matter? Is there something you would like to share?

Yui: O-Oh no! Nothing...!

( I am sure they would get upset if I were to say that...So I’ll keep it to myself. )

Carla: Putting that aside, how long are the two of you going to stand there glued to each other?

Yui: Ah...

ー Shin steps back

*Rustle*

Shin: Ahー ...My bad, Nii-san.

Carla: ーー You are the one who won her over.

However, remember there is a time and place for everything. ...Understood? 

Shin: Yeah. ...I’m sorry.

Carla: I shall return to the Castle first. The two of you should not wander around for too long either.

ー Carla leaves

Shin: ...

Yui: ( Shin-kun...I guess he can’t help but be worried. )

( I don’t regret choosing him over Carla-san. )

( However...I know that Shin-kun truly respects his older brother...So I do feel somewhat bad. )

Shin: ...Say.

Yui: Yes, Shin-kun?

Shin: You’re...thinking of Nii-san, aren’t you?

Yui: ...!

Shin: I’ve stopped feeling inferior to or envious of him. 

It won’t get me anywhere after all. ...Besides, I got the thing I wanted the most already.

Yui: Shin-kun...

Shin: He rarely ever shows it through words...but despite how harsh he might seem at times, he is watching over us.

That’s proven by the fact he hasn’t disapproved of our relationship. 

...If he is fine with it, then there’s no reason for us to worry about it either.

Yui: Yeah. You’re right...

Shin: It’s just...

The fact that Nii-san has not attempted to steal you away from me...

Might be because he knows...that he does not have much time left in this world.

Yui: I was thinking the same thing, actually.

Shin: He’s a very brave man...So I get worried. Worried that he might be pushing himself.

...Although, I feel like I’d look death straight in the eyes if I were to say that to his face.

Yui: Shin-kun...

Shin: ...Either way, we have to gain control over the Demon World as soon as possible. 

We have to rise to the top before Nii-san runs out of time. 

...I doubt it’ll be that easy though. 

This guy we met earlier...Kino, it was? Didn’t you also get bad vibes from him?

Yui: Yeah...He was...a rather mysterious individual.

( He called himself Karlheinz-san’s illegitimate child but...Is he really? )

Shin: I wonder if those Sakamaki’s are aware of his existence...?

Yui: Not as far as I’ve heard...

Shin: Hmー...

So eiher he was spouting random lies...or those idiot brothers might not know about him either. 

I guess there’s no point worrying about it. But I believe it’d be best to keep our guard up high for now.

Anyway, Nii-san’s gonna yell at us soon, so let’s head back.

Yui: Ah...Yeah!

ー The scene shifts to Carla’s room

Carla: Kuh...Coff...Coff...!

ーー I am running short on time.

However, fortunately...I no longer have to fear about the future of us Founders.

What I must do right now...is conquer the Demon World for my younger brother. ...That is all. 

That is my final duty...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[chaotic-super]

Live With Me - Chapter 12

Read Live With Me on AO3 here!

Kara wasn’t expecting everything in her life to suddenly be revolving around that stupid balcony and the obvious assassination attempt by the government. She was kind of just expecting to move on and keep working on the article with Ms Grant but instead, she’s finding herself questioning every little thing that is happening in her life.

She’ll be walking downstairs and she wonders if someone walking behind her might come and push her or she’ll be getting in an elevator and she wonders if it’s going to break and drop her to her death. It’s much scarier than when Maxwell lord wanted her dead, maybe it’s because she already knew what he was capable of and knew he had limited resources while the government have all the resources they could ever want and need and are capable of literally anything.

Lena has been her guiding light though, always there to listen and comfort her when she feels particularly paranoid or afraid despite the fact she can see Lena’s own fear in her eyes. They both know it’s going to get worse before it gets better though and there are only so many preventative measures they can take without shutting down their lives completely and never leaving the house.

Today is the day though, Kara and Cat have officially finished the article and it’s going to be out in a matter of minutes so they’re just waiting for the fallout now.

In the meantime, Kara has been busying herself with helping move Cat back into her own office and out of hers. She’s actually shocked that Cat hasn’t insisted she moves out of her new office even though she did fix it up herself but Cat is being true to her word and allowing her to keep it so she’s now got a great-sized office with actual windows.

The windows do scare her a little though, she’s seen enough action movies to know that sitting right beside the window is a bad move so she’s moved her desk to the other side of the room where the tinted windows won’t allow anyone to see where she’s sitting. She’s not going to do anything to increase the chances of a sniper putting a bullet between her eyes, not today.

Lena is coming by later but she’s got a meeting she can’t get out of at L-Corp first so she’s going to start heading over in a little while and then she’s going to stay with her in her office for the day.

Kara is keeping an eye on the article and the reactions of the public in the meantime to the best of her abilities. She’s sure that Cat is doing the same from her office too but she needs to see for herself to see how much support they are getting because of the article.

If it works how they planned, they will have created an environment where nothing can happen to her without the government looking like they are directly involved in it, they shouldn’t be able to touch her without it being obvious that she’s being further targeted by them so they really can’t do anything.

That’s in theory though. In practice, this is the government, they can do whatever they want because they have the power to do so. It wouldn’t be the first time that they have offed someone quite obviously and it’s become old news in just a matter of weeks, sometimes less. That’s the scary part.

A knock at Kara’s door has her hollering for whoever it is to come in, hoping that Lena has managed to finish up her meeting early but knowing that she probably would have just let herself in if it was her since she knows Kara doesn’t have any interviews planned for today.

Winn’s face peeks around her door not a second after she’s called out and her face breaks out into a smile. “Hey, stranger.”

“Hey, I wanted to come and see how you’re doing, it feels like forever since we’ve had a catch-up. Well, that and I wanted to come and check out the old hidey-hole. I can’t believe this is actually your office now.”

“I know, it’s kind of crazy, right? I feel like I’ve come full circle.” Kara beckons him further into the room by reaching her leg out under her desk to push out one of the two chairs she has on the opposite side for when she has interviews.

Winn takes the offer quickly. They may have had time at the surprise game night to sort of catch up but they haven’t been able to have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart since not long before Kara and Lena officially got together, long before the James situation ever happened and they are both at fault for that and need to fix that sharpish.

“It’s strange that there are no exposed wires. I kind of wish it looked the same as before, just for the sake of nostalgia.”

“Yeah, me too. I liked the old vibes of it but part of the deal for me having this office was that I fix it up so I did what I was told.” Kara moves her laptop off to the side slightly so she can get a better view of Winn, the screen being in her way before.

Winn looks kind of shocked at that little droplet of information. “You fixed it up?”

Kara nods, taking a sip out of the water bottle on her desk. “Yeah, I did. It was Lena’s idea, she thought that if I offer to fix it up, I’d have a better chance of Ms Grant letting me take the office since it’s been on the maintenance list for such a long time.”

“Kara, I’m in IT,” Winn says, his voice stern as he tries to convey a message that Kara isn’t picking up on.

Kara shakes her head, eyes widened she tries to figure out what in god’s name Winn is talking about. “Uh...”

“I like this office; it holds a very dear place in my heart. I’ve always kept an eye on the maintenance requests so I could know if it’s been fixed for someone to have it and it’s never been on there. If there was ever a request made, it was removed within a week of it being on there and we both know it wasn’t fixed because you did it.”

Kara’s mouth drops open. “I had no idea you cared enough to keep track.”

Winn shrugs. “We might not be as close as we used to be, especially those first couple of years we were friends, but those memories still mean a lot to me and I like to keep tabs on what’s going on with this office. It’s now in the hands of its rightful owner.”

“I agree with that but you know you’re welcome to come and join me in here whenever I’m not busy. You’re right when you say we’re not as close as we used to be and I regret that. I should have been a better friend to you, especially when everything with James came out. You two were the closest of all of us, I kind of dropped off the friend radar back when James and I decided not to date after those horrific couple of weeks of attempting to.”

Winn grins. “I’d love to start spending more time in here with you. I think we’re both at fault for the separation but it wasn’t an unnatural drift. I got closer to James and you got closer to Lena, although mine and James’ relationship was certainly much different to the one you have developed with Lena. Not gay my ass.”

“To be fair, when I told you that I’m not gay, that was before I met Lena and she awakened the inner bisexual in me, seriously, have you seen that woman?” Kara laughs, holding her hands up in surrender.

Winn tilts his head to the side, thinking it over very briefly before nodding. “I have and wow, you’ve scored big, Danvers.”

“Hey!” Kara frowns. “Don’t think about my girlfriend that way.”

A deer-in-the-headlights expression falls across Winn’s face. He’s not sure what he was meant to say to have avoided this reaction but he has no idea what to say that wouldn’t just make it worse.

“I’m just kidding.” Kara giggles, somewhat evilly. “You’re certainly right though, I have scored big time. She’s just amazing.”

Winn smiles, mostly out of relief rather than actual amusement at Kara’s prank. “And she bought you guys a house.”

Kara smiles back at him widely. “Yep, and I’ve finally just managed to get her to agree to me paying towards it too. It felt weird having my name on a house I never put any money towards but now we’ve agreed to split it proportionally to our wages between my salary and hers. That’s the best I could get her to agree to.”

“She looks after you. You deserve that, Kara. I’m really happy for you. You know, back in the day when I had a massive crush on you but you only had eyes for James, I always wondered what he had that I didn’t. I think the answer is simple now, looking back anyway. You needed someone that can love you openly and with their whole heart, unafraid of what that means and unafraid to express it. I see now that I was never that person and you deserve to have that, you deserve what Lena gives you.”

Kara doesn’t really know where all of that came from and she doesn’t know why Winn would say it now of all times but suddenly her eyes are wet, it must be allergies. Yeah, it has to be.

She swipes at her eyes, ignoring Winn’s stupid lovable face. “Ugh, you’re too sappy today. I think I want the Winn that tells me all about his upcoming Dungeons and Dragons campaign.”

“Well, I can do that too but Kara, I said that to you because I’ve always wanted you to be happy and more than anything, no matter what, we’re always going to be friends. It would be a shame if we lost that because we would have to write off those three years we spent getting tipsy and eating pizza every night while playing every fantasy videogame we could find.”

Those were the days. Kara misses it really, back when she first joined CatCo as Cat’s assistant, Winn was quick to befriend her and from there they were inseparable until James came along and then they became a trio, a trio that disintegrated when Kara and James attempted to date and failed spectacularly.

Kara leans her elbows on the desk. “We’ll have to get tipsy and eat pizza and play video games together again. I miss it and I miss you. I don’t know how I let us get this far apart when we’re so close, I mean, we literally work in the same building, how have we managed to avoid each other for so long?”

Winn readily agrees with the world’s fastest nod. “Hell yeah, we should.” He takes a breath. “I’ve actually been avoiding you.”

“You have?” Kara’s eyebrows scrunch and Winn’s eyes are drawn up to them. She looks cute, he can see why his feelings were always so strong for her, she’s pretty and funny and kind, the woman of anyone’s dreams, he almost wants to have those feelings again because there’s something missing now.

 He’s seeing her in a new light, one where she’s somehow all of those things but she looks different, perhaps stronger in a way, it’s good, just different and it makes his heart hurt to realize how much he’s missed out on.

“When we initially started growing apart, it was because I was mad at you. I was mad that you turned me down for James and then gave up on your relationship with him. I was stupid back then, I didn’t really understand that you didn’t turn me down for him, you just weren’t interested. Then, after you found out James was the mole, I didn’t think you would want to talk to me, I should have seen what he was up to, it should have been obvious to me what was happening because we were close. I’m sorry I was blind to it, you got hurt because I wasn’t looking at the red flags right in front of me.”

Winn just looks sad.

Kara rounds the desk, not pausing on her short trip until she’s pulling Winn up out of his chair and into his arms. She always loved hugging him since they are so close in height but he has wider shoulders, it feels like hugging a teddy bear and it’s always made her feel better. It’s been far too long since she’s hugged him.

She mumbles into his ear. “I don’t blame you, Winn. We were all taken by surprise. It says much more about your character that you haven’t spoken to him since. I should have reached out when you stopped talking to him, you just lost your best friend and I was nowhere to be found.”

“You were busy trying not to be assassinated and you were recovering from what happened in the parking garage. I am at fault though. I did something that helped him and I had a feeling it was something bad. It was obvious but I ignored the signs because I didn’t want to see what was right in front of me all along. I erased footage of him. I didn’t watch it; he just gave me the information for which cameras and the times he needed deleting and I did it. It wasn’t until after you got hurt that I put the pieces together. I could have said something long before you figured it out.”

Kara releases him, leaning back in distress. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, Kara. I knew he was up to something. I just didn’t want to believe it so I stuck my head in the sand. I thought he was trying to protect someone else; I didn’t think it was him doing anything but I should have known. That’s part of the reason I brought you this.” Winn fishes into his pocket, suddenly struggling to meet Kara’s eyes. “I had a bad feeling about it so before I scrubbed the camera footage, I saved it, I’ve not watched it though, I’ve never had the balls. It’s yours.”

There’s no clear-cut reaction from Kara. Her face is a mixture of several different emotions, the majority of which conflict in a way that leaves Kara reeling. She wants to hug him again and thank him but she also wants to kick him in the balls so hard he’s pissing blood for a week. He knew. Maybe not the details, but he knew.

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Guilt,” Winn admits. “Guilt and regret. I want my best friend back, not the fake friendship I had with James, the friendship that helped to destroy the friendship we had, but the real relationship we had where it wasn’t transactional or fake or immoral. I can’t have that without being completely honest and open.”

Kara moves back around to her chair, sinking into it with a sudden wave of exhaustion with the load Winn just dropped on her.

“Watch the footage with me.”

“What? Why?”

“I need to see what’s on there but I don’t want to watch it alone. I’m super mad at you and really disappointed but I know that the hurt you caused me isn’t intentional. The hurt Alex will probably cause you when she finds out what you did will make up for that and when I tell Lena…” Kara breathes out a breath of pity, “let’s just say, hurt me and she’ll hurt you in ways you couldn’t imagine.”

Winn looks petrified. “I’ll watch it with you, just please, try not to make it sound so bad when you tell them, they are both really scary people and I’d like to come away with both of my testicles when they are through with me.”

“We’ll see,” Kara responds, not really looking at him, too focused on now shoving the USB drive Winn handed her into her laptop. She turns it so it’s sat between them and they both have a fairly decent view of the screen as it starts playing. She changes the speed so it runs through twice as fast and clicks specifically on the camera pointing to the hallway just outside of her old office.

The footage is from the day someone broke into her office and tried to destroy all of her files. This is her chance to catch James in the act. She knows he was feeding Maxwell Lord information but she wants to see him do it. She wants to see him betray her friendship with her own two eyes.

As the footage rolls on and they sit in awkward, apprehensive silence for several minutes, a figure finally strolls into the shot and then they walk into Kara’s office. It only catches their back, covered in a black hoodie with its hood up, black pants and black shoes, not the most inconspicuous of outfits, someone should have thought more about what it means to be stealthy because this person is the epitome of sketchy.

They both saw the person, now they just have to wait for them to come out of the office so they can see his face, so they can confirm that James was truly the one that betrayed her in this awful way and then used Winn and his loyalty to his friends to cover it up after he did it.

The person spends several minutes in her office, much longer than she was expecting, she thought it was more of a quick destruction and then a rapid exit rather than what she can only assume to be a lazy obliteration of what was her work.

Waiting for the person to come out of the office is bordering on painful but what goes in must come out and soon enough, they have their guy.

It’s not James.

Fuck.

“Please tell me that’s not who I think it is.” Kara gasps.

“I can’t. That’s Snapper.”

“CatCo’s editor-in-chief was in on it. Crap, he was doing the final edits of today’s article last night, I have to check he hasn’t messed it up.” Kara may have been waiting for the article to drop for the reactions before, although it was too early for anything to have come from it yet, but she never actually checked up on the article. Why would she? She wrote the thing and she trusted everyone involved in it.

Winn is frozen in his seat, staring at the now paused screen and struggling to keep his eyes off the face of Snapper Carr. That slimeball actually has a tiny, sinister smirk on his face and it’s horrid to see. Winn had this information all along thinking that he was protecting James, completely oblivious to the fact that James was protecting Snapper.

“I’ll go and get Ms Grant.” Winn stutters out.

He barely makes it two steps before Kara is gasping and staring at the words of the article that is up for all of the world to see.

“What is it?”

“He’s completely changed a bunch of it.” Kara’s eyes are wide and fearful. “He’s making it look like I’m a criminal and I was going after Maxwell Lord so Lena could buy up his company and he’s saying that I’m trying to make the government look bad because I’m trying to protect myself from legal repercussions for criminal activity. He’s wiped my name from the by-line and has left it in Cat’s name.”

“That’s it, I’m going to go and get her. Stay put, Kara. I’ll be right back, don’t worry.” Winn races from the room, leaving Kara with nothing to stare at but the article open on her phone and the face of her boss that just thoroughly screwed her over. Fucking bell end.

Her body is filled with anguish for multiple reasons. The betrayal of her boss doing this to her, the hours wasted writing the article that just got scrapped in order to put out this defamatory piece, the lack of reader support she’ll have now which means that she won’t have any protection against any more attempted assassinations, and on top of that, there’s Winn.

He may have given her the USB with the footage on it but he’s far too late. Hell, if he had given it to her yesterday she wouldn’t be in this situation right now, but she is, and it’s his fault. Not completely, but it is. She gets it but she doesn’t. he was protecting James but in that process, he neglected to protect her. She needs to speak to Lena; she always helps clear things up and boy is there a mess to be cleaned up.

Before she can find Lena’s contact information, Lena’s name pops up on her phone screen, an incoming call at the ready. She picks it up immediately.

“Have you seen the article?” Kara asks in lieu of a hello.

“I did, Kara, what’s going on?”

Kara sighs heavily into the phone. “Winn gave me some camera footage today of the day my old office was broken into. It was Snapper that did it so he must have been the one that changed the article. We’re so screwed now, Lena. I don’t know what to do.”

She hears movement on the other end of the line and waits for Lena to respond. “We’ll figure it out. I’m on my way to you now, I’ll be fifteen minutes, if that. I’m literally walking out of L-Corp right now. What does Cat make of all of this?”

“I don’t know, Winn was in my office with me when we found it all out so he’s gone to get her while I have a nervous breakdown in here. Lena, this is really bad.”

“I know, but we’ll fix it. Cat will set the record straight and the truth will come out. Do you have the footage ready?”

“I have it, it’s on a USB drive.”

“Kara, we need that drive so it needs to be safe. You need to put it somewhere nobody will find it until we need it, alright? We have to work quickly on this so put it somewhere safe until both Cat and I are with you so we can make a plan. I’m going to call Alex too and get her to head over to you as well so I’m going to hang up but I’ll be there in a flash.”

“Ok.” Kara can actively feel her blood pressure skyrocketing but she doesn’t fight with anything Lena says, dropping her phone on the desk when the call ends and taking the USB out of her laptop. Lena’s right, if this is the only copy of the footage, it needs to be somewhere safe, something CatCo very clearly isn’t.

If someone as high up as the editor-in-chief is corrupt, she can’t trust anyone so this USB needs to be somewhere it can’t be found until she has everyone she trusts in one room with her and even then, she needs to keep a close eye on it.

Her eyes quickly skim around her office. She’s still getting used to this space, she hasn’t learned each and every nook and cranny of this space yet so she has no clue where to hide it. It would be stupid to hide it on her body, she’s seen those videos of pickpocketers and she’s got no doubt that she could be fooled by one.

Her eyes are drawn to several places around the office but she’s just not sure where to put it, there are so many places but she feels that they are all too obvious. Light fixtures and inside hollow desk legs are a no-go, that’s an easy nope. Maybe inside a book? Too movie-centric. She needs to think f something out of the box.

The last time she hid files, they went unnoticed because she put them inside of a picture frame but it would be too obvious if she did that again. She needs to put them not only where someone can’t find them, but somewhere nobody would even think to look. She needs to put them in Snapper’s office, right under his nose.

There’s no time to do it right this second though. Footsteps echo along the hallway outside of her office and she panics, the USB still in hand, so she does the only reasonable thing she can think of. She stuffs it into her bra.

Cat bursts in a second later, a couple of people in tow.

“Ms Grant—” Kara starts.

“Quiet, not until the door is shut.” Cat snaps, beckoning Winn and a woman Kara recognises into the room. Lucy Lane, her cousin’s sister-in-law and also a very good lawyer.

Only once the door is firmly closed does Kara try to speak again. “I take it you’ve seen the article.”

Cat’s nose is held firmly in the air as she talks, an air of true rage and barely restrained murderous intent about her. “If you can even call that disgusting, slanderous piece of terrible writing an article. I have.”

Lucy steps past her, coming closer to Kara to stick her hand out towards her. They have met before in passing through Clark, Kara’s cousin, and Lois, Lucy’s sister.  “Kara, it’s nice to see you, even under these awful circumstances. I wish this was a social call but with what was in that article, you’re in need of a lawyer and so here I am.”

Kara takes her hand, albeit suspiciously. “Before you sign up for something you might regret, have you read the article that was originally meant to go to print?”

“The one detailing how my father was a huge part of the terrible plots of Maxwell Lord and the government? I have. I didn’t become a lawyer for the money, although it’s certainly a bonus, I became a lawyer to protect innocent people. He’s the one trying to exploit people and he doesn’t care who he hurts in the process, I say let’s get him.”

“How did you get here so fast though?” Kara has a sense of unease passing through her. At this point, she has no idea who she can trust, she barely trusts Winn, let alone this woman she’s only ever been an acquaintance to.

Cat tuts, helping herself to one of the chairs beside Kara’s desk. “We don’t have time for this, Kara, she’s trustworthy. She’s the lawyer I hired to go over a lot of James Olsen’s work prior to his dismissal to make sure we know exactly what information he stole. Well, she’s part of the team handling that, but I think you’re in need of her expertise right now, not me and not CatCo, although it’s pretty obvious that there’s going to be a very large legal battle coming up for the company as soon as we find out who did this.”

Kara speaks up, shocked that Winn didn’t already tell her. “I know who did it.”

Cat’s head snaps towards her. “Who?” Her voice sounds like liquid death.

“Snapper. I have footage of him breaking into my old office. He’s the one that destroyed all of my files on Maxwell Lord the first time and he was working with James.” Kara states, matter-of-factly.

“That little—” Cat wastes no time storming out of Kara’s office, Kara, Lucy and Winn all on her heels, rushing to try and stop her. Nobody can stop Cat Grant when she’s on a mission though, absolutely nobody. It would be ludicrous for someone to even try.

Lucy is trying to remind her not to do anything that will get her into legal trouble whilst Winna and Kara are sort of just going along for the ride, unable to do anything other than race after them.

As they are halfway across the bullpen on the way to the editor-in-chief’s office, Lena comes emerging out of the elevator, jogging to meet up with the group as they go storming through the building.

Kara shakes her head as she appears at her side. Fifteen minutes her ass. She definitely just broke a few traffic laws on the way here. “Hey.”

“Hey, where are we going?”

“Ms Grant is going to try and murder Snapper; we’re going to try and stop her so she doesn’t end up in prison.”

“Oh shit.”

The door to Snapper’s office thwacks against the wall behind it as Cat forces it open with a dainty flick of her wrist that has an incredible amount of power behind it, probably the doing of her unbelievable anger.

They all barrel in behind her, almost tripping over when Cat stops just a couple of steps inside.

The room is empty.

Well, not empty, empty, just empty.

Lucas “Snapper” Carr is long gone. He’s done his job and he isn’t here now; he has no reason to be.

With the salary that weasel of a man was on, he must have been paid one hell of a sum to go along with the plan of a madman. It’s a shame, before this, he always seemed to be a man of true integrity. That’s definitely been proven to be false now.

“We’re too late. He’s gone.” Lucy states despite knowing that everyone can already see that and she’s just stating the obvious.

Their shoulders drop. Even if they didn’t want Cat to hurt him, they did want to confront him. They’ve missed their window of opportunity. What’s done is done, all they can do now is deal with the fallout.

“I guess we should go back upstairs and figure out where we’re going from here. We have a lot to talk about.” Kara clears her throat and announces the small group.

“Great idea, let’s go.” Lena’s tone is firm and unbending where Kara’s was more timid and unsure, backing her girlfriend up at a time when she desperately needs it.

The group filters out one by one, Kara being the last out of the room, and as she does, she slips the USB drive out of her bra and in a swift movement, pretends to fix her shoe but instead digs it into the soil of a nearby potted plant, making sure to press it right against the edge of the pot where it’s less likely to get wet if it’s ever watered.

That footage isn’t coming out again until absolutely necessary. She doesn’t have a whole lot of trust right now so the location of it is staying a secret for now, just for her. She looks up and meets Lena’s eyes, who gives her a nod. So, the location of it isn’t just for her, it’s for them. She’s ok with that, Lena and Alex are the only two people she trusts wholeheartedly and she’s certainly going to rely on them soon enough, hell knows she’ll need it.

They make their way back through the bullpen and this time, they are much more aware of the eyes of every single person in the office looking their way, or more specifically, looking Kara’s way. Kara realizes this pretty soon into their trip back to her office and can’t help but keep her eyes on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with any of her colleagues that now think she’s some kind of criminal.

Lena can see the tension sat in Kara’s spine, her whole body really, and quickly wraps her hand around Kara’s clenched fist, prying her hand open enough to try and slip her hand in there. It becomes obvious very quickly though that Kara’s mind isn’t in the right place for that, she doesn’t need that kind of reassurance right now, not in front of everyone here.

Instead of attempting to take her hand, Lena instead rests her palm against Kara’s spine, leaving Kara with the comforting pressure of it as she walks, no pressure for her to do anything in return or react in a certain way, she can just walk and know that she’s surrounded by people that care about her.

When they get back to Kara’s office, they all pile in there and when they do, they notice they have picked up a straggler in the form of Nia Nal. She’s just standing at the edge of the room, unsure and awkward but wanting to show Kara that she has her support, nonetheless. Kara was the one to show her the ropes of reporting, her mentor turned friend. Kara looked kind of down but hopeful at the last game night but this is a whole new Kara, one completely sucked dry of any kind of optimism she had before.

Cat goes to sit in Kara’s office chair since the ones across the other side of the desk aren’t as comfortable but Lena shoots her a glare that has even Cat scared and she redirects her butt fairly seamlessly into the chair she sat in earlier.

Kara is guided to her desk chair by Lena, who then stands firmly at her side like a bodyguard. “Alright, we are just waiting for one more person and then we can talk,” Lena announces.

“Who are we waiting for?” Winn asks.

“Alex,” Lena answers quickly and to the point. She’s watching Kara closely out the corner of her eye, careful to keep her head tilted out towards the group of people huddled around the room, most of them perching on a nearby table since there are only two other seats besides Kara’s chair, which are taken up by Cat and Lucy.

With her head tilted towards them, it does the job of both keeping everyone in line and making Kara feel as though she’s not being watched while she processes the fact that the people they are up against just set her up to look like a hypocrite and a criminal to the whole world. That’s a lot to unpack, especially when she thought she was so close to publishing her actual article and having another layer of protection against them.

Now, thinking about it, Kara is just putting the pieces of everything together. She’s figuring out that the chances are that it was Snapper that loosened the railings of the balcony where she and Lena always leaned against it when they shared lunch together. Her boss literally tried to murder her. That’s something she certainly did not have on her bingo card for this year.

Kara simply stares down at her desk for the first couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence, basking in the strange kind of peace that comes with it but her curiosity is getting the better of her. She needs to know what’s going on with the article.

She pulls her phone out and clicks back to the tab she had open earlier so she can start scrolling through the comments. She almost wishes she didn’t but a cynical, dark, self-loathing part of her brain just can’t stop her from reading the next comment and then the next and then the next and then her phone is snatched out of her hand.

Kara’s head whips around in momentary fright from the unexpected movement so she can find her assailant, only to find Lena tucking her phone into her blazer pocket and then resting her hand on her shoulder. “Don’t look at that, it’s not going to help right now. All of those people are commenting based on false information, darling. None of it matters so don’t bother.”

Kara musters a nod and goes back to staring at her desk but gives up on that soon after and looks at the group she’s got in the room with her. Not the worst crew, she supposes. They just have to wait for their muscle to get here though, and then the real party starts in which they figure out what in the actual fuck they are meant to do.

Read the next two chapters early on Patreon here!

[skyward-floored]

I….I couldn’t decide so I’m giving you 3 options and you can either do all 3 or just chose 1 for a snippet or any random facts you want to tell me! My brain will love anything you throw at me! I love all 3 of these so much! No pressure also! 💜

Incredibles au

Royal castle town wedding

Courage of ages

I will gladly talk about all three, you underestimate my ability to blab about my projects hehe

Incredibles au

INCREDIBLES AU WOOO Been working on the main fic on and off, was feeling kinda discouraged, and then I actually reread all of what I’ve got and was like “okay this actually isn’t so bad”.

I’d love to start publishing it, but the literal first chapter is so full of action scenes that I can’t write it very fast 😓 Plus there’s some (kinda important!) plot things I’m still trying to make work, and haven’t figured out yet. So eventually! Just not yet. Here’s a bit of it though!

“Hey Warriors!” Wild called from the table, then spat an entire mouthful of water at him from across the room before Malon could tell him not to.

Warriors lunged forward and shot some ice from his hands, freezing the water and catching it before it could hit the ground. He held it out to Wild with a grin, and he took it with a slightly disappointed expression.

“Aw... I like it when it shatters.”

Time grabbed his coat from the hanger as Warriors made the rounds and asked how everyone was doing, before ruffling Legend’s hair and making him squawk.

“How you doing Ledge? See you’re still crazy about carrots,” he teased with a look at his plate.

“And I see you’re still insufferable as ever, uncle freezer burn,” Legend snapped back, whacking his hand off his head.

“Aw, I love you too.”

Royal Castletown Wedding

I’m going to put the other two under a cut so I don’t take up everyone’s dashboards 😅

Castletown wedding! It’s only got another chapter or two left, then it’ll be finished! I’ve got a few deleted scenes from it too I’m hoping to maybe post once it’s finished. I honestly just need to sit down and finish the silly thing, but lately other things have been taking my attention heh.

Here’s a section of it :)

“Poor Cia...” Artemis murmured, pity in her eyes. “She’d never truly returned after all. She was merely a shadow, a tool like everything else...”

“Well shadow or not, she sure made a mess of things” Legend grumbled. “Good riddance.”

The others nodded, though Warriors seemed oddly subdued still, his eyes glazed like he was looking at something only he could see. Then he shuddered, and shook his head, snapping out of whatever daze he’d been in. He noticed Wind was looking at him, and gave him a faint smile, but Wind turned away.

Courage of Ages

Coa my beloved 💖💖💖 My own Links meet au thing, I’ve got so many random scenes and interactions (and aus heh) with these guys written down that may or may not actually end up in the alleged main fic. I always welcome questions about them! :D

But here’s a bit that’ll probably end up in the main fic at some point, or might just be a scene I’ll post by itself. We’ll have to wait and see :)

“Who all do you have back home Cloud?” Gloam asked once Windy had finally quit pestering him.

“You got anyone like that?” Light asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Their resident cloudy hero blushed, and scratched the back of his neck. “Well. Yes. I mean...”

He held up his left hand, tugging off the glove atop it and revealing a wedding band around his finger.

“...I do have someone waiting for me back home.”

Gloam clapped him on the shoulder as a few ooohs went up from the others. “Well wouldn’t you know it, one of us is hitched! You’ve been holding out on us! What’s her name? You been together long?”

Cloud’s face turned wistful, and he sighed. “Zelda. And it hasn’t even been a week. I was on my honeymoon.”

Several glances were exchanged at the name, but Windy merely looked dismayed.

“Oh no, that’s terrible Cloud, this must be awful for you!” the sailor exclaimed, and the chosen hero smiled a bit despite the sad look in his eyes.

“Yes. But at least I know she’s safe.” His expression turned dismal. “She likely has no clue what happened to me.”

[uncaught-coolfish]

what are some general headcanons you have about sienna… Adam too!

🫡

sienna is the corniest mf ever me thinks…… she’ll be like “YOUR SUPER TRAINING BEGINS TODAY.” and she hands you a list and the first thing on there is “eat a nice breakfast :3”

she’s also like besties with the wf lieutenant (who in this fic, I’ve named Yu 😦👍). they’re just a silly little funny bunch, and there’s a reason why he was apart of her little group in chapter 3.

I’ve spoken about how Sienna was born on menagerie once, but fun fact: she was also childhood friends with Kali! A fact which she loves to tease Ghira about.

(Might’ve already said this idk) The green cloak she describes having been made by her husband in chapter 2 is one of the only things she retained into chapter 3. In fact, she wears it into the facility, and later, it’s what she wraps adam in. Cry.

ALSO remember how I said she was born on Menagerie? Specifically before how I said (I think I did LOL) how she had this big family? Yeah… a ton of her relatives are still alive, on the island. But would Sienna ever visit them? Fuuck no, for… multiple reasons.

While before she rarely interacted with anyone outside of Ghira and a handful of others (~trauma~), she enjoys personally training those under her, even going as far as to take them out for lunches or like. Go fishing with them… idk she’s fun!

You know what’s not fun? This woman hasn’t gotten more than 4 hours of sleep in the last 12 years.

now…… my loser~

i think adam is good at singing. i imagine his mom possibly singing to him at night during his childhood and also… ~other things~ to be revealed in later chapters. but fuck no would he let a soul hear that

he hates crowds. like, viciously hates them. given the conditions of his past yeah totally see why.

hes the kinda bitch to tear up over good food you heard it from me ✌️😔

he wears gloves almost any time he’s out in public. no matter if he genuinely needs them or not, and why? in all honesty adams hands (notably his wrists) are almost just as fucked up as his eye is.

speaking of his eyes! yeah no he can’t see well. at all. aside from being blind in an eye his “good” eye still has very poor vision, and most times he can only ever make out someone’s face by standing close to them. given he’s a literal fucking TREE… that leads to some very awkward situations.

he’s very close to sienna, but despite that, always feels unworthy of even sharing such a bond (trauma). thus, there’s just this constant desire to “please” her in every way(trauma), to prove mainly to himself that he deserves the spot he’s currently at in life (TRAUMA)

Last but not least; he hates his reflection. Look out for chapter 8 baby!