#how would that be fair to her family future husband kids etc if her heart is with someone else and even her plaquette is tied to yato's?

[oblako]

pain and suffering (finally caught up with noragami)

[worldoffanfiction2021]

Eternal Love of Dream - Chapter Next 5

(Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/131730357839252427/)

It was the most exciting time of the year in Quinqui. It was time for harvest festival. This was a 7 day long festival with parades, performances from acrobats and a grand fair. Every year anyone related to Quinqui, no matter how far from home he might be, would make it a point to come. Even visitors from all over would gather here.

Bai Xian, the crown prince Ye Hua and their little son Ah-Li had also come to the fox den for this celebration. Ah-Li and Gungun were both super excited to go to the fair. Chong Lin was trying to keep them interested in other things long enough so that they could go only after the sun would go down a little. Bai Xian was so not wanting to walk around in the hot sun and had tasked Chong Lin with this duty.

She herself had come to Xiaobai's room and was helping her bathe and get dressed. Xiaobai had recovered quite a lot, but her wound still hurt if she tried to move quickly or even tried to comb her long hair. So Bai Xian had taken it upon herself to look after her favorite niece.

Dijun had ventured to the kitchen asking his mother-in-law's help to cook something tasty and nutritious for his wife. His mother-in-law was only too happy to oblige. Finding not much else to do by himself Ye Hua had joined in too. They all chatted and cooked away a whole feast with sweet and sour fish, noodle soup, congee and various types of cakes. All of them were feeling very accomplished. Dijun and Ye Hua loaded two trays with all the food and decided to go to Xiaobai's room so they all could eat together.

When the two reached Xiaobai's room, she had finished bathing and getting dressed. Bai Xian was combing her hair and they were chatting. "Please don't tell whatever I am about to say, to Dijun. I don't want him to feel any more guilty than what he is already feeling.", Fengjiu was saying. Dijun signalled to Ye Hua to stop and not enter the room. They both placed the food trays on a nearby table and waited. Ye Hua signalled to Dijun that he will be back soon and left in search of their sons.

"Ye Hua is a true gentleman!", mused Dijun and continued to eavesdrop. His wife was about to tell something to her aunt that she thought would make him feel guilty. So? It wasn't going to be pretty. But he was quite thick skinned and he could handle it. At least that's what he told himself at that time.

Fengjiu continued reminiscing and talking to her aunt. She was talking about some of the hardest days of her life and it wasn't easy for her. But this was her aunt and she was one person Fengjiu did not mind being herself with.

"I waited for Dijun for 73 days. Each day was harder than the one before, but I waited. Everyone told me he had chosen to go to demon realm with Ji Heng. I chose not to believe them.  I went to demon realm with Chong Lin to look for Dijun. There they told me he had been with Ji Heng. I was heartbroken.

I returned home here and was crying inconsolably in my room when medicine god Zhe Yan walked in. He sensed something off with me, checked my pulse and told me that I was pregnant. That moment! It changed my whole life.

I remember that night I did not sleep at all. But by the time morning came, I had made up my mind. God Zhe Yan  had left me two pills - one that would abort and another that would preserve the baby. He also left a note saying he would support me no matter what I picked.

This was my baby. Mine and Dijun's. The only man I have ever loved. This baby was symbol of my unconditional love for Dijun. I knew he had loved me sincerely too. May be after seeing Ji Heng in trouble, he had decided to spend the rest of his life with her. But I knew when he had told me he loved me, he had meant it. I would keep this baby and live for the baby. This baby would be my whole universe from then on.  I ate the pill that would preserve my baby.

Then I packed a few clothes, supplies to hide my birthmark, dress up as a man etc and left Quinqui. First I went to Sky Kingdom. Something in my heart was still not ready to let him go. I hoped to see him one last time. If he wanted to be with Ji Heng, all he had to do was tell me. I would get out of his way. But I didn't find him there. I knew I needed to be strong  for this baby. Especially since I would be his only parent. So I let go of everything and left sky kingdom.

From there I went to Nether world, and checked up on Ye Quingti. I knew I would pay his debt no matter what. I left a trinket with Lord Xie Gu so he could reach me when he needed me to wake Quingti up. And then i went to mortal realm and stayed there until... "

"Why mortal realm? Didn't you know you would be all alone and you wouldn't be able to use your magic either? How could you have acted so foolishly, Fengjiu?", scolded Bai Xian.

"Aunt, I chose mortal realm because I did not want anyone to find me. I knew if any of you had learned that I was pregnant, you would confront Dijun and make him take responsibility for me and the baby. I knew what it was like, to stay away from the one I loved, I could never wish that for him.", Fengjiu explained.

Bai Xian rolled her eyes indignantly and continued with the questions. "How did you manage your pregnancy? Going into labor? The delivery? Did you take care of yourself properly at all?". She was seriously concerned.

"I did the best I could. I went to mortal realm and worked as a cook in a restaurant at that time. It was really hard work all day long. My body ached all the time and I was exhausted. But at least the owner who was an old lady, was kind to me. She let me eat leftovers  and also let me take breaks often in my last month of pregnancy. She even revived me when I passed out from 3 days of labor pains and she helped me deliver Gungun safely. I am so grateful to her.

I was really sad when her son showed up 3 months later and wanted to force himself on me. I fought him, made him unconscious and ran away with Gungun. I did suffer physically and I was also very sad to leave the old lady to look after herself. But, I had no choice, so I did what I could.", Fengju tried in vain to make light of it. Bai Xian was appalled at what she heard.

And so was Dijun. He felt he had been too naive in thinking he could handle whatever he heard about her days in mortal realm. He had really underestimated her hardships.

Her days had been hard. When she had given him up, she had also given up her family and friends. All because of him. He knew he could never repay her for the things he had put her through.

"You are a Princess of Quinqui. You are the Monarch of this kingdom. You are the Empress of one of the most prestigious, powerful and revered god in the Sky Kingdom. Yet you had to work in restaurant and pass out from labor pains with no one to look after you. That's just so ...... ", Bai Xian was so furious, so flabbergasted that she could not find the right words at all.

"How can you love someone so much? How can you love him so much?", she asked incredulously to Fengjiu.

"Love is mysterious in its ways.", Fengjiu replied with a faint smile.

She knew her aunt was very angry. So Fengjiu reached for her aunt's hand. She hugged her aunt and wiped her aunt’s tears smilingly. Bai Xian's anger melted away. No one could stay angry at Fengjiu for long. With more tears in her eyes, Bai Xian planted a kiss on Fengjiu's head and held her close.

Dijun decided it was about time the ladies were interrupted. He wasn't sure he could bear to know any more of the hardships this delicate woman had toughed out because of him. He wasn't that thick skinned after all. He picked up the tray of food that had gone cold and heated everything back up with magic. He saw Ye Hua return with both the kids and together they walked in.

They sat in a circle and ate together. Both guys were pretty happy seeing their wives eat and praise the food they had prepared.

Dijun kept stealing weird glances at Xiaobai. She could sense something off about him. Was he worried about something? Was he about to go away soon and leave her for long time again? That thought scared her and made her very sad. But watching him smile at Gungun, she reasoned with herself that that must not be the case. She would have to ask him later when they were alone, she decided.

And she did get a chance to be alone with him soon. After the food was all gobbled up, Ah-Li reminded everyone that they had to go to the fair after lunch. So Gungun, Ah-Li, Bai Xian and Ye Hua all got ready to go.

“I will bring you sugar paintings, mom. Tell me what kind you want?”, Gungun said.

“Bring me back one dragon and one fox.”, she replied and exchanged a meaningful look with Dijun. That did bring back fond memories and a smile to Dijun’s face. She was happy to see her trick had worked to lighten his mood.

After they were all gone, Dijun closed the door behind them. He came back to her and helped her walk to the window. Although it was quite bright and sunny outside, the glorious willow tree in the yard provided just enough shade on the window seat. They both sat there with Dijun wrapping his arms around Xiaobai.

“What’s going on, Dijun? What’s been worrying you? Please tell me. And please be completely honest with me, ok? No matter how bad whatever that is, I want to know. And I want to work together with you to make it better. So tell me why you are so sad, so worried?” Xiaobai said looking into his eyes with  sincerity.

“Xiaobai, I overheard what you were telling your aunt about the time of Gungun’s birth. I am feeling so guilty about that. As a husband I have failed you. Miserably failed you. I am so very sorry.”, Dijun’s voice cracked.

Xiaobai let out a long sigh and took his hands in hers. She looked at him, quite relieved that the worry wasn't anything about their future. She began to talk. “Dijun, what has passed is gone by. No matter what, we can never change it. So please let it all go. I do feel guilty about misunderstanding you, about talking to you coldly last time we met in the Sky Kingdom and keeping your son away from you for so long. But I am learning from it and learning to let it go. Let’s promise to always be completely honest with each other. Let’s start over, ok?”

A deep sigh left Dijun’s mouth as relief washed over him. His Xiaobai was still willing to give him another chance. She was asking to start afresh with him.

“When did my silly little fox become so wise?”, he chuckled and petted her nose. Hugging her, he let out a long sigh. She shifted to be more closer to him.

He pulled her close and said, “Are you tired, Xiaobai? Sleep a little if you are tired.” He planted a soft kiss on her hair, “Be a good girl and take rest for a while. We can take a small walk outside later if you feel better.”

“Hhmm..”, she said. Then she  sunk her head on his chest and closed her eyes contentedly.

[mc-critical]

On Hatice’s character, I feel like she more or less was cheated of a better character arc which could’ve made her more likeable or easier to understand (almost everyone I’ve encountered who is into the series has extreme distaste for her character.) Though I don’t necessarily feel any particular form of intensity towards her character I do wish she could have been explored a bit more? I can see why she wasn’t likely due to time constraints/needing to stay consistent with plot lines but it would have been nice to see. I feel like everytime Hatice was on screen, mentioned, or involved in the plot line it was in conjunction to or in relation to Ibrahim. Even after Ibrahim was dead, Hatice’s whole storyline was just..Ibrahim. It was clear that she was emotionally unstable and dealt with attachment issues from the start of the series, likely resulting trauma from her father’s bloody reign. We’re told she was “her parent’s favorite/the spoiled one” according to her siblings, we’re hinted at some sort of past fued between her and Sah but no real context. We rarely got to see her interact with her children. It’s like we only were given tiny bits and pieces of Hatice as her own person and everything else about her just existed to string Ibrahim along. It’s quite sad..what do you think?

Eh, I absolutely adore Hatice as a character and I feel she got a very solid, well-written character arc. I'm pleased with what we got with her in the show and I think that her nuance tends to be massively overlooked.

The center of her character is not really Ibrahim, but rather the line between family and dynasty. And while that seems to be attributed with Ibrahim in the strongest way, it also channels in who Hatice is as a person and her interactions with other characters like her mother, Süleiman and Hürrem.

Hatice has always been the sultana of blood that is closest to the dynasty, but also the one that wants to detach the most from it. As you said, she had lingering trauma from her father's reign /which indeed is only hinted, to be honest, but that's the whole backstory of Selim Yavuz, what we got from his cruelty in the show was basically hints two flashbacks. We were told by Süleiman of his defining deed, we were told by Valide and Hatice that they saw his father in him, but the rest remained pretty much vague, which isn't a problem with Hatice's character. However, it may come off as a problem with SS's character, since more backstory would better explain his paranoia outside of actions of the "suspects" taken out of context, would render Mustafa's death a little more understandable and would highlight even more his character arc, for Selim Yavuz was his "Azraeel", according to him, but that is a post for another day./, but on a more personal note, she has witnessed the death her former husband, which puts her panic and fear over death in another light. Her backstory isn't that focused on, because it's not all that important for her character arc: because while Mahidevran has to get over her past and Şah Sultan tries to consistently set herself for the future, Hatice has to face the events of the present. She's an effective deconstruction of the Princess Classic trope she started up as: an innocent, fragile, kind hearted princess, no sign of trauma whatsoever who strives to create a family of her own, as a bonus. After she meets Ibrahim, she feels like she wants to be in that adventure with him, she not only falls in love with him, but he fills her with hopes and dreams for a better life. Look how when she marries him she wanted to get out of Topkapi as soon as possible and always repeated that she wanted for them to be a family, that she wanted to have piece. Even her love for Ibrahim is much more deep seated than some plain obsession that is only used as a plot device or to prop him up. She's grown with beliefs that have been a part of her life and sometimes she lets them out out of sheer ignorance, no matter how much independence she wants in her personal life. Her whole relationship with Ibrahim is a back and forth conflict between dynasty and family that is only a vector for her arc, not the entirety of it.

It's often ignored how pivotal is Hatice's relationship with Valide. The closeness she has with her, especially compared to her other sisters, shaped up all of Hatice's life long beliefs. Namely Valide is the root of Hatice's love and respect for the dynasty, being next to its female representative her entire life (see also Valide's flashbacks in E58) and witnessing the way she dealt with things, the way she ruled the harem, the way she made decisions. Even Hatice herself considered her as her role model and wanted to be like her. (she told her this in E61) It was as if Valide was a preserver of all the virtues Hatice deemed as worth having. She has a tremendous respect for her and her opinions and this is what brought her to hide her love for Ibrahim more than anything. The respect she has for the ottoman laws and the ottoman dynasty and the ways she got used to them made her to do anything but admitting SS and Valide her true feelings.

Valide is an indirect reason of Hatice's supposedly "inpartial" point of view in the harem that let her judge things more fairly. It's not that Hatice was completely unbiased in her relationships with Mahidevran and Hürrem early on, because oh no, she wasn't, Hatice always was on the dynasty's side in this war, but for her dynasty always advocated fairness and preserving piece and order. She wasn't afraid to call out whoever she thought was wrong at any time and even when her bias had completely (and honestly, rightly in many aspects) impacted her in terms of Hürrem, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was right about Firuze after all. Hatice also has a very reactive personality: she doesn't let anyone provoke her and quickly responds when she's provoked. She's not provoked only about Ibrahim, she's also provoked when it comes to both family and dynasty, overall, seeing Hürrem and Mahidevran quarrel in E11, Fatma and the concubines challenging Hürrem in E47, Mahidevran attempting to kill Hürrem's children in E55, Mihrimah defending Hürrem in E84 etc. Whenever something she cares about is opposed or attacked by someone, she would always spring into action, which is a very consistent trend of her character as a whole.

{There are many reasons why I personally find Hatice sympathetic: she's one of the most ethical characters of the show, acting as a peacekeeper wanting to keep everyone out of their struggle, she's always ready to help, she cherishes love (her wanting to marry Sadıka to Matrakcı), there are so many people she cares about outside of just Ibrahim - Mahidevran, Mustafa, Valide, her sisters and their problems impact her as well, despite of how "self-centered" she may seem at first glance. She, just like MCK Gevherhan, is so humane to everyone she interacts with, trying her very best to empathize with them. (to the point Mahidevran told her in E05 that if she keeps up worrying only about them, she will wither in this palace) Her trauma and circumstance also bring in a lot of empathy for me, because significantly little of it is her own doing, compared to other characters. We see a character that deteoriates both internally and externally often as a consequence of her simply fearing she would lose everyone she loves and that her life would be once again, filled with illnesses and death.}

[Truth be told, I don't get the Hatice hate, like AT. ALL. I don't know about you, but people I've encountered on the Internet couldn't give me a valid reason as to why they hate Hatice so much. They either reduce her to a "whiny", "crying", "spoiled" or "evil" bitch, either say they hate her because she breaks down a lot or because stood up against Hürrem for no reason, which is totally untrue, in my opinion. I genuinely haven't seen one (1) good argument as to why she deserves such ire. They mostly look at a more dimensional version of S03 Hatice and forget everything that set up S03 Hatice, or they hate Hatice exclusively because of S03, which.... eh? I would dare say that there are more reasons to hate Mahidevran than there ever were to hate Hatice (even though the hate directed at Mahidevran is, once again, for all the wrong reasons) and if someone gave me an actually good reason to hate Mahidevran, I would understand, but Hatice? Even her more questionable actions were ultimately provoked by something or someone.]

Her first traumatic experiences in the present is also connected to the kids she's lost. Yeah, giving her more time with her living children and seeing her more as a mother is the one thing I would definetly change in her writing. We didn't get enough of that and it would be a breath of fresh air. But then again, losing so many could've demotivated her and the last time she was pregnant we also had this prevailing, but understandable fear. It also just doesn't play such a big part in her deconstrustion-to-become-flanderization-in-character-development arc.

We gain a gradual, broader perspective into her a bit later in the narrative, and perhaps that eventually broken first impression would cause disappointment - Hatice could be prideful and while she wants to detach from the dynasty for her family, she values her own position and the rights that are offered with it. She could be easily offended by remarks made to startle her. She could be demanding sometimes. But that existed along with her good traits. Hatice was the most reasonable and morally unproblematic character of the main cast overall and by S01/2, that truly showed.

If we refer only to S03 Hatice, it would make a tiny bit more sense for people to not find her that sympathetic. Because while she underwent a good flanderization arc, it's still flanderization and some traits of hers seem to be more present than others in that season, especially knowing the trajectory of said arc. It may look like there isn't a sympathetic reason to do what she does, as if she's like this all of the sudden. But here's the rub: season 3 wasn't supposed to give this much context to Hatice's actions, it's the pay-off of a build-up, the peak of her arc that leads to a resolution. Season 3 wasn't supposed to repeat stuff that has already been established, all Hatice is doing there, has been set up for an entire season, if not more. We already know what's driving her, we already have the sympathetic reasons. That's why all the attention is given to her actions that bring her to tragedy, not to introspective scenes.

Back to Ibrahim's relation to Hatice's character: A common affirmation I hear is that Hatice's rift with Hürrem was caused thanks to Ibrahim and Ibrahim alone. There's so much more to it than that! While we had the scene that started the build-up and the one that ended it be about a possible/already a fact infidelity of Ibrahim's as a parallel, these are only a part of it, not it in its entirety. Keep in mind that the one thing that fully set the upcoming enmity in motion during S03 is Hürrem taking Valide's chambers. And at first Hatice wasn't about to blame Hürrem for it all when she went to tell it to his majesty (her saying to Gülfem that it doesn't matter who told her about the affair) with her claiming that Hü ruined her life only after their confrontation for Valide's chambers. And here we return to the center of Hatice's character: thing is, whether we liked it or not, Hürrem always was a threat to the dynasty in Hatice's eyes. Şah asked her the infamous question: "The dynasty or Ibrahim?" when she was asked why is Hürrem a threat in E81, but I think both are in conjunction, yet independent of each other here. Hatice values tradition just like her mother and Hürrem breaking them all would cause some kind of disturbance. She got distraught right after she was freed and married, claiming that it had to be stopped before it happened, look also how she told Afife Hatun that Hürrem had to be gotten rid of because she caused unrest in the harem! Not only Ibrahim's death, but Valide's death impacted her so much, she thought someone had to supposedly protect the dynasty for what is to come before everything goes haywire and that's what she attempted to do the entire time. In S03A personal motives clearly ran together with the apparent protection of the dynasty (I sometimes like to parallel Hatice's dynasty with Kösem's state in my head, despite that Kösem's urge to protect the state comes more with her role as a ruler and regent and measures out of necessity, while Hatice's comes from willingness to preserve balance and harmony in a more personal level.) and she considered Hürrem as a threat to everything Hatice believes in. She seems to also take on her mother's footsteps in that regard, in a way, using common for Valide methods like sending a concubine to SS etc. She considers Hürrem a threat for her own stability and well-being and that isn't limited to just Ibrahim.

Her relationship with SS is the one that is probably the most connected to Ibrahim, judging by their first more "nuanced" scene for me (him deciding to marry Ibro and Hati) and fallout (the confrontation for Ibrahim's death), but that could be also connected to what Hatice has previously experienced and genuine respect for him as a brother before all the rocky stuff happened. And interestingly, her deep resentment and then despise of him is targeted at him bringing Hürrem to their lives, not simply just killing Ibrahim, though that was also an intensely strong motivator of hers.

Hatice's bond with Mustafa is also strong even before she fell in love with Ibrahim. She also considered him "the future of the dynasty", played with him in the gardens, comforted him in tough times when she could. They didn't have as many scenes together, but the relationship added a good amount of flavor to her character.

A reason why I think Hatice's relationship with Mahidevran is so precious and criminally underrated, is that this is the relationship least centered on Ibrahim, second only to Hatice's with Valide. Their scenes early on is mostly them being there for each other and being happy with each other's moments of good time. They're very bound to each other and are very good friends that still have a dynamic relationship. The temporary S02B fallout between them has everything to do with Hatice's disappointment and disbelief of Mahidevran's own failings. She also threatened something Hatice cared about and did something she didn't expect of her. And that isn't barely noticeable, Hürrem even remarked that Mahidevran is becoming alone in E58. (oh my, I hate this scene with passion, but anyway.) After that their dynamic then remained basically intact for S03, expect that they could act more like allies than friends. But that's a given, due to the more intense events in the palace and the tonal shift of the show.

I find her dynamic with Şah fascinating due to their contrasting personalities and strained, yet loving relationship. The feud between them had enough context given to us through Beyhan's words to Şah in E83: that Hatice not only was Valide's favorite, but she apparently had the life Şah wanted to have, which explains Şah's ambition and supposed distance and secrecy well enough. More backstory would mean destroying the interesting duality in the relationship and wouldn't make Şah's motivation half as interesting and uniquely presented as it was, to be honest. Which is why I find her dynamic with Hatice way more interesting than her dynamic with Hürrem (which is good, too, but pretty generic), but that's also a post for another day. But Hatice is actually the more open person in this dynamic and the one more revealing her feelings. Şah wanted her to move on from her losses, but Hatice objects so strongly because it all has gotten to a completely personal level, with Şah trying to redecorate her castle, it would look like she's trying to change her from the outset, her as a person, which is something Hatice would never agree with. But then again, it's clearly shown that deep down Şah cares about what Hatice wants and is trying to do the best for her in her own way. And the emphasis is again put on family: they still get along and reconcile, setting their differences aside.

Many of Hatice's introspective scenes were with Gülfem and while they talked about Ibrahim many times, we could still see the amount of powerful support between them. Hatice shared everything with Gülfem, it was as if they knew everything about each other. They were each other's comfort.

She showed moral support to Beyhan, as well. That is another familial relationship that shows both casual and profound interactions. It's not there as much, but that's more because of Beyhan's limited screentime, not because of something to do with Hatice.

Even her arc with Ibrahim isn't all about him, but is also tied to the core of her character. The line between dynasty and family drives their whole fallout and if it wasn't there, the conflict between them wouldn't ever take place. Hatice ultimately forgiving Ibrahim is more about her getting out of her own dynastic outlook, which is a relevant character development of hers that happens along with her flanderization. And that plot-line is as important as the flanderization, even more so, and it pushes it forward. It was a resolution of the conflict with family and dynasty in Hatice, not exactly forgiving Ibrahim just for Ibrahim. (that is also a factor, no doubt, because she loves him and he is a part of her character, but not all her character.)

Overall, for me Hatice is a multi-faceted, amazing character that is actually very fleshed out in the span of three seasons. I don't find much issue with her writing: everything that happened with her is logical and well-explained if you look closely enough and I don't want more for her arc. It was original and outstanding for what it was, both as a character concept and a dynastic sultana of the franchise.

[saranghanuuu]

10 SIMILARITIES ALL INSTALLMENTS OF REPLY SERIES (Reply 1997, Reply 1994, Reply 1988) HAVE

1. Ze temperamental female lead & ze mighty and genius male lead who can tolerate her

2. Parents who are in a love-hate relationship, but care for their family more than anything

3. There should be at least one doctor in the circle

4. And at least one friend with celebrity-like fame who has a huge crush on our female lead

5. The crackhead friend in the group

6. The oh so perfect second male lead you would care less even if the female lead ends up with him

7. Relationships on the side as thrilling as our main ship

8. Answering the confession with a kiss - do it with your bodyyy

9. Unparalleled friendship we are all jealous of

10. Idol actors whom we are thankful of for bringing their wonderful characters to life

After all these years, I finally finished watching the Reply series. This is the best Korean anthology series I watched ever! I know, I know I'm so behind the fun.

So, why didn't I watch them while ongoing?

Reply 1997 aired when I was on my senior year in college and Reply 1994 when I just graduated and is transitioning into being an officially unemployed kid. Talk about the dreadful college stuffs like thesis, exams, pre and post-graduation stress, quarter-life crisis, etc. - YOU NAME IT.

I was still a newb in watching ongoing Kdramas during the time when Reply 1988 was aired. I can only watch one ongoing Kdrama at a time back then.

And why did I decide to watch it recently?

Blame the main contributory factor – i.e., Hospital Playlist. I've been kinda obssessed with it 'coz it's so heartwarming that it helped me with my anxiety attacks. I reckoned I should watch dramas with the same theme for now instead of complicated ones. After I discovered that the writer and director of Hospital Playlist are the same ones who brought the Reply series, that's when I knew I should watch them.

I found Reply series informative, too, that I'm amazed on how well-researched these dramas are.

If you want to know about the extreme fan culture during that time when 1st Gen Idols ruled South Korea, watch Reply 1997. I actually became a fan of SECHSKIES after watching it (sorry Si Won!)

If you want to be informed of some of the historically and culturally significant events that happened in South Korea during 1994 and succeeding years, watch Reply 1994.

If you want to have a glimpse of the familial and filial bond in South Korea during the late 80s, watch Reply 1988.

In what sequence did I watch them?

Reply 1988 > Reply 1994 > Reply 1997. I recommend this too in case you haven't watched anything just yet.

Since I've already watched the three installments, the big question is — which among them is my favorite?

This is an easy question for me. I became fond of them all, of course. But I can say that among the three Reply installments, Reply 1994 holds a special place in my heart.

Perhaps Si Won and Yoon Jae's push and pull relationship (imagine it took them 12 episodes to finally confirm their feelings) and Duk Seon and Jung Hwan not ending up together affected my choice. But that's not all there is to it.

Unlike Reply 1997 and Reply 1988, Reply 1994 characters were in a college setting – that phase in their lives where only the fittest survives – even getting out of the comfort of their own families and living together with strangers in a boarding house. I adored how the characters maturely dealt with the challenges and problems in life, finding solace in each other during difficult times. Watching Reply 1994 is like reality hitting me hard. It is true that we enjoy being with friends, but we must do it whilst being responsible and accountable for our future.

Reply 1994 has the best OSTs among the three as well (at least for me). The 6 main characters even had their fair share in singing OSTs for the drama and all of them are bop. I didn't know Go Ara can sing!

Also, they took the mystery of Na Jung's husband into a whole new level. It was produced in a way that would get the viewers thinking all main male characters can be the prospective husband, and as the episodes unfold, showing us why this particular character cannot. I guess it would have been far more exciting if I had the chance to watch it way back when this drama is still ongoing. I prolly get all giddy in anticipation as to who ends up with Na Jung.

And... sorry as this is a bit of a SPOILER. Honestly, I shipped Na Jung with Chilbong. Up to the last few eps, I hoped she ends up with him. While I am upset that Duk Seon and Jung Hwan's ship didn't sail, that was not the case after I knew who Na Jung's husband is. The scenes before the reveal were so emotionally detailed. I very much understood and wholeheartedly accepted at once why Chilbong is and cannot be the one. Luckily enough, all main characters of Reply 1994 had a romantically happy ending.

Reply series officially made it into my Kdrama treasure trove. Why not? This series is indeed a gem.

[jade-doodles-questionmark]

On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza

Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.

there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.

it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.

More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:

Angelica:

what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.

In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part). 

Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander. 

I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.

I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).

She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.

Alexander:

I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.

I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.

To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.

Eliza:

Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”. 

ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either. 

The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more. 

i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all. 

unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol. 

side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.

Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks! 

if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit

[theboy-thebitch-thelegend]

so in case you were wondering why i'm in such a good mood

tonight i had a conversation with my dad, and basically, it went like this-

"... it's just, with what Mama expects of me, she always has these grand plans for me for the future, and, you know- it's just- it's just not going to happen. I mean- well what I mean is, well you know, she always says, I'll find a husband, settle down, have a bunch of kids- it's. I'm not- it's just not... going to happen... you know?"

We were in the car, he was driving me to a friend's house, and with my going away coming up soon, naturally future plans and expectations had come up. Earlier that day, my mother had indeed made such remarks. With the stressful day I had at work, I was near on the verge of a breakdown about it.

As some of you may know, for the past couple weeks or so, I've been suspecting my father might be a little more supportive of my queerness than I'd first thought.

(To be fair, though, that bar was set quite low. I didn't expect support at all...)

"Well, ya never know, it could..." he said somewhat hesitantly- this is in regards to my settling down with a husband, and all that. He sort of gave me a sideways glance as he said it.

'eh, what the fuck, just go for it' I thought.

"Dad... it's... it's not." I looked right at him as I said it. "Do you- do you know what I'm...?"

".... I hear you. I know what you mean."

I just looked down at my hands. I know it's not something to apologise for, but, I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry..."

"No- don't be. It's alright with me."

what the fuck. what. the fuck. what the literal actual fu-

"Well, go have fun with your friends," he said, and he was smiling. Like genuinely smiling. What the fuck.

Oh, and we had arrived. But I couldn't move from my seat just yet.

"But- I mean- do you really? What- "

"I do. And I mean it."

"Just... don't tell...?"

"I won't tell her about any of this, don't worry. Now go have fun."

-------

He picked me up later, and soon enough he brought it up again. I would've been content to leave it at that, but I certainly wasn't opposed if he wanted to explain himself further.

And he did- he says he just wants me to be happy- and stay out of jail, stay in school, get a good job and all that, etc. etc.

I don't quite understand... but... as long as you're happy...

I know what Scripture says, what the pastor's said... but I know there's a lot of debate about it too...

Your mother, she... I told her not to go so hard on you about it...

well she didn't listen, I told him.

I know... just... look, before you do commit, to anyone, a boy or... not: just, make sure it's something you want, yah? Make sure, it's someone you want to spend your life with, someone you can be honest with, someone who won't try to change who you are-

-and I won't try to change you either. I'm not good at talks like this, heart to heart or whatever... but... I'm here for you.

Then he went off again into what I suppose is the usual "don't fuck your life up" speech that parents/parental figures usually give you at this time of life. And that actually meant a lot to me, that it was just one part of the larger conversation.

He said, he's been meaning to tell me, before I left, and not just sure how. And that he's not blind, he's known for years. I told him I knew he knew, and I knew he just didn't want to start the conversation. He said I got that right, lol.

He said, my mother knew, but she didn't want to admit it. Some people only see what they want to see.

He said, he will consider to be family, anyone I choose to be my family, and he won't allow my mother to turn them away (as long as they're not a murderer, or something like that. And a good paying job wouldn't hurt, too)

He said, he may not entirely agree, but it's not up to him to decide that for me.

He said, he won't bring it up. It's not worth the fight. But his silence is an accepting silence, not a hostile silence. Maybe with time and distance my mother will come around to it, maybe not. But it is what it is.

----------

I am so fucking happy, I can't even tell you. I really never in my wildest dreams dared to hope for this. Even one parent out of two, and even not a perfect acceptance, I'll take it. I will fucking take it. I'm sure there are people who would say, oh, try to explain it to him more, now that you have this; try to make him understand. But I'll take this just as it is.

Maybe someday, maybe not. I genuinely don't give a shit whether he- or mama- understands- and even if it'll never be perfect, even if they as a unit won't be involved in my life much, at least I won't be shunned. Was it a little patriarchal, his whole, "this is my family, I won't let her say who isn't welcome" I mean... yeah maybe. But it's not any surprise, and hey, I'll fucking take it.

[etherealtauruss]

can you like make a little family for buddie? like surrogate babies, adopted kids, and descriptions of what they look like? likes and dislikes, thank you. this is the same anon btw

wait i love this idea!! omg thank you :)

okay i’m going to do adoption for all the kids bc blood ≠ family

i know that eddie & buck would LOVE these kids, blood or not, so yeah

also not to mention chris is ecstatic abt having siblings!!!

first up we have the twins; jordan & jayden (age 4)

they both have blue green eyes

their skin is golden & they have the cutest button noses

jordan has golden brown hair

while jayden has dirty blonde hair

lowkey that’s the only way buck & eddie can tell them apart for the first few days

at first they don’t talk much to buck & eddie, only really trusting chris which warmed the husbands’ hearts

“chrissy, can we play superheroes with you?”

“yeah! i have so many capes we can pick from!!”

eventually they open up, definitely taking a liking to buck more at first

probably bc he’s the cool dad

“daddy is so strict! papa is so much cooler!!”, jordan giggles.

all three boys always manage to convince buck to let them sleep with him & eddie

“papa pleaseee”, jayden pleads (buck gives in because how can he resist those beautiful eyes .. now he knows how eddie felt all these years when he pouted)

they go to another adoption fair

originally they were planning on getting a baby but then a teenage girl catches their eye (age 13)

daisy literally rocks their world

her decadent brown skin, short curly hair & huge brown eyes that make eddie melt

“daddy can i have an extra $40?”

“of course princess.”

“daddy can you pick me up from school, i don’t want to walk.”

“yes munchkin.”

she’s a daddy’s girl, for sure

she’s really trusting, but she apologizes a lot

she thinks everything is her fault, even when it’s clearly not; often thinking buck & eddie aren’t going to want her anymore

they find her crying about the former & their hearts absolutely break

“baby we love you, you’re apart of this family”, buck reassures her, rubbing comforting circles into their daughter’s back

“plus, you’re our only girl. we’ve always wanted a princess”, eddie coos, planting soft kisses on her forehead

that day they have daddy daughter night & do face masks, bake cookies, watch movies, talk about boys, etc.

they get their first “i love you daddy/papa”

they’re giddy as hellllll, literally giggling as she snuggles into them drifting off to sleep (don’t judge, this is the first time she said those 3 little words)

all the kids in pre-k think jordan & jay are so cool bc they have TWO firefighter dads

“wait so you have a whole fire family?!?! plus two big brothers & a sister?”

the twins beam, proud to be apart of such a loving home & have more family than they can count

the boys in daisy’s class are intimidated lmao

“i wanna ask you out but your dads are scary..”

“oh please, they’re big teddybears”.

“so why are they spying on us from that jeep?”

ofc i got carried away again & don’t worry anon i saw your other ask as well! the tarlos version will be up soon. also, for future kid fics, these will be my ocs :)

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

so! the Fun Thing I am currently writing:

you know Isabelle if you've been here a while, but this is Slightly Different Nearer Future Worse Political Situation Isabelle, so I will describe her as she is in the relevant thing

-Isabelle is the wife of the American president. she is a wheelchair user.

skills: being Just So Fucking Smart, deliberately hiding her intelligence enough that people think she is just regular smart and underestimate her, writing speeches and other political media, poise in public, manipulating people by talking at them.

weaknesses: remembering that she personally is a human being with needs and feelings, knowing what her her feelings are, communicating about her feelings instead of keeping everyone six feet away behind a facade.

how is she so good at Making Other People Have Feelings but so very bad at "knowing that she even has any of them?" because sometimes it's like that.

but, she is married to Robert, who is President. if they were not married, he would be like, maybe a congressman? he is not stupid at all, he is a competent man and would be a competent politician on his own merits, but also, power couple.

-he is somewhat better than Isabelle at coming off as warm and genuine because he is so incredibly warm and genuine all the time that you can't think he's anything else. she comes off as "nice, but a bit reserved."

-conveniently, he has noticed that Isabelle sometimes has feelings and needs. often, he can predict what they are, in the way of people who have been married for like twenty years. also, because they have been married for 20 years he is by now a Level Twelve confidant and gets to be told what most of them are.

-even he does not know how smart she is, though, really, in a few specific arenas. she realized when she was very young that people do not like when you are smarter than they are, and adjusts accordingly, automatically.

-one of the first things Isabelle learned from watching people is that people hate it when you watch them, so she stopped letting them know what she saw, but she didn't actually stop watching.

-she combines "being that fucking smart" with "not realizing that her husband will not cringe away from her if she tells him" because, again, sometimes it's like that. you learn shit young and it sticks with you and nobody tells you different because they don't know what they'd need to tell you.

-Robert is probably, at the start of the story, the person who has the second-closest idea of how smart Isabelle actually is, and he's still off by enough that it would startle him a little.

-Theo, their dear friend, is the closest to knowing how smart she is, because Theo watches people in something like the way she does, and sees it. Theo doesn't do feelings either, though, so Robert ends up closer to understanding her overall.

-Robert is as close to her as anyone in the world, and they love each other so much. they are casually affectionate in public. they have a daughter and a life and nothing's perfect, but it's good.

-and then Robert is shot.

-he is shot on a stage. the people who shoot him take Isabelle and put her in a basement for a while, with her daughter, until Theo, who has a specific skillset, gets them out.

-ever after, Theo puts little GPS things in all of her jewelry. the people who kidnapped her let her keep her wedding ring, and if she'd had a tracker in it, she wouldn't have spent eight days in a basement.

-liberated from the basement, she flies to Rio, because it is a place that has agreed not to turn her over to the shitty people who have taken over America

-there has been a coup. lots of people are dead.

-Isabelle throws herself into caring for her daughter and running the counter-revolution, talking to the international press, making deals, smuggling things and people in and out, etc. she is doing a lot of good work. she is doing her goddamn best.

-she outsourced all of her "knowing and caring about her own feelings" and "generally making sure she is taking good care of herself" to her husband, who was good at that.

-he's dead now, for which reason she has maybe more feelings and related needs than she's ever had in her life?

-she knows she has a whole PTSD, she knows that early on. she is very smart, her trauma is huge and obvious, but, like, you can just sort of ignore that and hope it goes away, right? probably

-it takes her longer to know she is an alcoholic, because that one is harder to know. less obvious, at least to her. but she is, very definitely. she gets bad very fast.

-most people don't notice, though, because she keeps it behind the wall between her and most people.

-so she lives in Rio, and she works, and she drinks.

Isabelle is not actually the narrator of this story, though. the narrator's name is Sasha. she was a Russian diplomat living in America.

-skills: compassion, style, a few languages, being passionate about the places and people and things she loves, falling in love easily and completely.

weaknesses: keeping her temper, keeping her composure, not calling people motherfuckers when they really, really are but also it would be disastrous to do so, knowing what her own feelings are,

-did we see one of the things on that second list on an earlier list?

-also, do some of those weaknesses seem like they might be problems for someone in her line of work (diplomacy, a field in which it is often useful to be diplomatic).

-it's fine, she's charming and pleasant and smart enough to compensate for the things she is not as good at.

-also, she doesn't generally care about most politics stuff enough to get to the "this person is a motherfucker and if I do not tell them I will explode and my entrails will land on them in the shape of the word "motherfucker," stage with work people.

-she might have a different job if her whole family wasn't prominent politicians, but.

-her brother is an asshole, but, like, also he is her twin brother and she loves him. her father is an enormous fucking asshole and also dead now, and also, fuck him.

-she likes traveling and coffee and her dog and a series of women who she tries to start casual with and then either gets bored of or falls in love with and then they are like "you are, um, maybe a little intense?"

-she likes living in America, with good friends and a job she enjoys and does reasonably well.

-and then the president is shot, and there is a coup.

-her brother calls her back to Russia immediately, arranges a flight for her before any of the rest of his staff because, twin sister, obviously. they learned to be protective of each other young, Leo and Sasha.

-she spends very little time in America post-violence, when things are different and unsafe. she was there for about twelve hours before she got on a plane.

-she thinks this means that she did not experience a trauma, will not experience any symptoms worse than "occasionally being a bit sad" and does not deserve to complain to anybody about it.

-fortunately, she has some people in her life who are immediately like "you are actually having so many problems right now. did you know that when shit like this happens, there is enough trauma happening for everyone to have seconds? even if it could be worse? also, your trauma symptoms will not go away if you ignore them or pretend not to have them, so, like, therapy?"

-it would be good if Isabelle had more friends like that, but, unfortunately, most of her close friends are dead now.

-sasha, meanwhile, goes to therapy. she discovers that, if there is a minimum threshold on how bad an experience you need to have had before you call it PTSD, she is actually well past it. huh.

-also, maybe the situation with her dad was, uh, worse than she may have thought? him dying did not magically erase his effect on her life, which is unfortunate.

-sasha knew Isabelle barely, pre-assassination. not well, but she'd met her a few times. she was pretty and loved her husband and daughter and seemed smart. a little reserved, maybe.

-Sasha cries when she finds out that this woman and her daughter are still alive, but mostly because if another two people were dead, and one of them a seven-year-old girl, that would be worse, and there is not room for much worse in her heart.

-she cries mostly because her brother is in nearly the same political position as the dead man was, and if his wife and kids were missing, she would lose her goddamn mind.

-she tries not to think about what would happen if her brother was shot. he is an asshole, but he is her brother.

-her brother, meanwhile, has to deal with these fucking assholes who are running America now. god, they're just the worst, but they do seem to be in charge now, so, like, needs must.

-he does not allow sasha to do diplomatic work with them, because he knows her. he has seen her explode before. she has never exploded at work, so he has trusted her up to this point.

-she is very much already at the "if I do not call these people out on being motherfuckers, I will literally explode and my entrails will call them motherfuckers" stage with these people.

-which is fair, honestly, it's not like she's wrong, but also, she is not in charge of negotiating with these people.

-there is a counter-revolution brewing, folks trying to get America back to normal. several governments are offering a certain amount of clandestine support, because it's not great for the global stage having America just sort of, collapse a bit. also, fuck these people entirely.

-so Leo assigns Sasha to contribute to the revolution in a short list of prescribed ways, and keep him in the loop while allowing him just the thinnest possible veneer of plausible deniability.

-boy, if he has known what was going to happen later, he would for sure have assigned somebody else!

-Isabelle is running the counter-revolution from Rio, so Sasha and Isabelle have calls about once a week for a year, mostly about work.

-Isabelle is, at the start, blandly professional, but Isabelle has very few people to really talk to, as herself, the human person, to the point where sometimes she forgets the human person exists.

-she doesn't quite warm up to like "genuine closeness" but she warms up to "social chatting" as part of the work calls.

-it is hard not to warm up to Sasha, when she likes you. she is easily friendly and kind. she likes Isabelle a lot.

-like, the normal amount. the normal amount to like your work friend, for sure, definitely. she spends the most normal amount of time thinking of ways to make Isabelle smile, because Isabelle doesn't smile much.

-Isabelle drinks much too much, and Isabelle stops drinking, and Isabelle's doctor is like "is this a situation where you could get a less stressful job?"

and Isabelle is like "if you ask me that again I will get a new doctor immediately, who is less of a fucking idiot. do you have a non-idiot suggestion?"

"okay! cool and good! maybe make some friends, or try a change of scenery?"

-Isabelle's not-dead friends are Theo, and technically it is possible that some of her old friends are still alive, in America, and just can't get in touch with her because of everything. she likes to think this. it's not making anything worse to think it, so she allows herself to.

-Isabelle's friends who she can speak to are Theo, end of list.

-so, change of scenery? it might be a good idea anyway, Brazil is getting tired of having those dipshits in America yell at them. governments are not always thrilled about the idea of her living and working within their borders. they are glad she is living and working, but not in my backyard.

-when she mentions to Sasha that she is looking for a new place to live, she is not fishing for anything, she is just chatting.

-Sasha immediately says "why don't you come to Moscow? you'll be safe here. I can bully my brother into allowing you to be here and helping you to stay safe. it's nice here!"

-she says this for friend reasons, obviously, and also strategic revolution reasons, the latter of which she uses to talk Leo around.

-Isabelle comes to Russia. she is amenable to weekly dinners with Sasha. Sasha is her phone chatting work friend. maybe Sasha could one day be her real life actual friend. that would be good maybe.

-the second week, Isabelle is sitting on Sasha's couch, with her feet up on the ottoman. they have had a nice dinner and are watching a documentary and chatting in English.

-at this point, Sasha goes "oh, fuck. I do not want to be real life friends with this woman, actually. not just friends. she is so beautiful and smart and I would so much like to kiss her."

-Sasha, you have been experiencing this feeling for like at least three months. it did not just pop into your head the minute she put her feet up on your furniture. you moved her to fucking Russia because you had so many big feelings. it just got loud enough for you to notice.

-is it u-hauling to move someone across continents to live in the same city as you? how about if neither of you knows you have feelings yet?

-Sasha will realize this several months later. right now, she thinks she has acquired a new feeling.

-she dithers about this for a bit, without telling anyone, because all of her friends would be like "well, that's a bad fucking idea."

-which, like, she is not stupid. Isabelle is a martyr's widow who is both grieving still and also doing a lot of work on the public image of being a martyr's widow. good work, important work, that helps

-it would have to be a very secret thing, maybe could never be anything else. her brother would be mad about it for politics reasons.

-if Sasha asked her out, Isabelle could very easily say "sorry there are too many politics reasons" or "sorry, I am heterosexual and/or very sad still."

-it would be a very bad idea in many ways!

-Sasha knows she is going to do it anyway. she does not always identify her feelings for a while, but once she does, she commits to them.

-but also, if Sasha causes Isabelle to experience any additional bad feelings, or to not want to chat with her anymore, Sasha will explode.

-this time her entrails will spell out "sorry."

-the solution here is to slow-play it a bit, she thinks.

-Sasha is not... super good at slow-playing it.

-she opens with what she thinks is a very casual, normal question about whether Isabelle is seeing anyone, or might like to. carefully worded to be normal and subtle and friendly.

-there are two problems with this. one is that Sasha's facial expressions tell you everything she is thinking all of the time. another is that Isabelle is uncannily good at facial expressions.

-it is hard at the best of times to ask the relationship status of a person you have feelings for in a super chill super casual very normal way that will not raise suspicion.

-when you have all of the natural deceptive skills of a Golden Retriever and also you are speaking to someone who reads everyone she meets like a book, well, you're just not going to pull it off.

-the subtext behind the question is "god, I would so like to kiss you, but only if you're cool with that?"

-Isabelle absolutely knows this right away.

-she wasn't expecting this at all. she'd like to give it some thought.

-in the meantime, she tells Sasha that she is not totally disinterested in the idea of dating again ever, but it would have to be very private for a while, if she did date again. she weaves in a little bit of information about her romantic history, in order to tell Sasha that she is bi.

-she thinks she has been about as unsubtle as it is possible to be, because she sometimes forgets that most people aren't her or Theo.

-Sasha thinks she completely nailed normal and casual. she thinks Isabelle's response was very normal and casual also, while also containing a lot of useful information.

-the orientation thing was going to be Sasha's next question, but she couldn't think of a way to be like "hey hello are you interested in women?" that did not tip her whole hand, so it's great that Isabelle happened to volunteer that information while they were both being normal and causal.

-Sasha, your whole hand is already tipped. you took out a feelings billboard. she knows.

-meanwhile, Isabelle gives it some thought.

-it's not a terrible idea, really.

-well, it is, in lots of ways, but there's no risk-free way to pursue any kind of relationship, especially when you are very famous for being widowed and people want to kill you.

-no matter who she gets involved with, some people are going to be Big Mad about it, and it will make some of her work harder.

-now, given that there is no safe choice, is Sasha the safest possible choice? absolutely not, not even close, but you don't get into relationships by triangulating the safest option.

-Isabelle is lonely. she is not great at assessing her own feelings, but the thought has occurred to her before. and when someone basically took out a feelings billboard at her, but in a respectful way, well, the thought occurred to her a bit more.

-the idea of spending the next several years or maybe forever being single and married to the Mission kind of sucks, actually.

-besides, Sasha is kind, and easy to talk to, and quite pretty. she does not seem like the type to insist on too much too fast.

-this is true, that is not the kind of intense Sasha is. she just sort of falls in love at you very quickly, which not everybody wants.

-but the only way Isabelle has ever been loved in her life is "very intensely" by a man who also saw her reservedness and was comfortable with it until it gave way around him. so that's fine.

-a few weeks later, around when Isabelle is done thinking, Sasha decides it is next move time.

-she has used up all of her very normal conversational gambits and has been debating between "just telling Isabelle about her feelings, or, like, some percentage of her feelings, the normal amount of feelings to have for a person you have not kissed." or "some kind of very casual very normal very chill physical contact."

-Sasha so wants to be a chill, casual person. unfortunately, she just isn't.

-she puts her hand on Isabelle's shoulder, and Isabelle settles into her a bit, makes herself comfortable.

-they sit like that for a minute.

-Sasha is thinking "is this like, chill, normal, platonic half-cuddling or is she trying to give me a hint?"

-Isabelle has never been less subtle in her life and would be shocked to know that this is being read as "a hint" rather than "a very overt declaration of interest."

-Isabelle, who thinks everyone's intentions are fully on the page now, says "if I ever tried to be in a relationship again, it would have to be very private, at least at first. it would have to be a secret for a while, which I know isn't something everyone would be interested in. also, "being very open with people" is not part of my skill set really. I do get there, but sometimes it takes me a minute."

-her frame of reference for "the normal amount of open to be with someone you like" was Robert, who knew he was going to marry her three months in, so she might not be calibrating this perfectly.

-she is now sitting on a couch half-cuddling with Sasha, who also falls in love very fast.

-Sasha listens to this information about Isabelle's relationship needs and thinks "that's probably a large hint, right? like, almost definitely. I am pretty sure. also, all of those things are fine and I basically knew them already, so that's good. this is going really well. what do I do now? should I be like "all of those things you want in a hypothetical relationship sound good to me" or should I save that for next week, because of the slow-playing I am doing here?"

Isabelle, meanwhile, is thinking "well, I have been as explicit as it is possible to be. if she didn't want to do something secret and careful and patient, she would remove her arm and stop half-cuddling me."

-so she sits for another minute or two, to give Sasha time to make a decision.

-Sasha does not move her arm. even if she knew what Isabelle was actually thinking, she wouldn't move her arm.

-at this point Isabelle kisses her, which she was not at all expecting.

-like, it was feeling like a more plausible future option, but today? right now? not that Sasha is in any way complaining.

-they kiss for a bit, and then Isabelle briefly removes her mouth from Sasha's mouth and looks at her and goes "wait, are you surprised by this?"

and Sasha goes "a little bit, yeah? I mean, this is great, I am very pleased with this outcome, but I wasn't sure if you were..."

later, Isabelle will be like "please tell me in what way I could have been at all clearer" and Sasha is like "by using words with your mouth to talk about your feelings?"

"I did that," says Isabelle, bewildered.

"no. "if I was going to kiss somebody I would need to take it slow and keep it secret" is a logistic. "I like you and want to kiss you" is a feeling."

"why would I talk to you about kissing logistics if I didn't want to kiss you specifically? just as a hypothetical? is that a thing people do?"

neither of them is entirely sure. but also, they will have this conversation later, because right now is kissing time.

[terrifictrauma]

How can we let her die?

Shivering, I sat crunched over as the doctor gave me my epidural.  Nothing felt warm despite the warm blanket draped on my legs.  I had my headphones on, playing inspirational music.  I compiled the playlist for months, in the hopes it would help the situation.  I remember her saying, “Just breathe and relax.  Your baby girl will be here very soon.”  I was fighting back the waves of tears.  Tears may be made of water, but I felt flames.  I was consumed with fear and all of it was ignited by this place.  Hospitals, sterile tools, monitors, and the smells of bleach ignited the dread in my heart.

Let’s rewind.  Around three months before this day, I was walking around the county fair with my parents and my five year old daughter from my previous marriage.  My husband was out of town and things had been stressful.  I was trying to give her some good kid fun in the chaos that was our life.  She was riding the rides with my mom as my dad and I spoke about livestock and nonsense.  I had a difficult pregnancy up until this point and was enjoying feeling pretty good for once.  

I had lost my son in the second trimester that January and was gifted my rainbow two weeks later.  Was I stressed? Sure I was, but my grieving was numbed by the excitement of my new baby girl, Naomi.  

As we walked I started feeling sharp pains.  I couldn’t stop them, sit them off, nor drink enough water.  My dad drove me quickly to the local hospital.  I knocked on the door with hope for some relief and was met with, “We can’t help you here.  You need to go to the next hospital over.”  It was my hometown hospital, where I was born 29 years before.  After a sonogram,  I found out that night that my amniotic fluid levels were low.  I had a follow up the next week with my OB.  I was expecting the small and crass little man to tell me I was dehydrated or something.  Then, he urged me to go to a bigger hospital with my high risk OB.  I have type one diabetes.  That lovely autoimmune came to me in college, and gave me my high-risk status.  Anyways, my husband rushed me to the bigger hospital.  If the county fair and livestock talk wasn’t a give away, I’m from a very rural community.  The bigger hospital was five hours away.  We drove on nerves.  We were unsure of our condition, and discussed how everything would be okay, as we drove.

Everything was not okay.  

There, the high risk doc told me they have saved younger babies.  I was given steroids for her lungs, and was expecting her to come then.  My fluid kept getting lower and lower.  My preterm labor was stopped and I was sent home for another follow up with him the next Monday.  

After the sonogram, “The good news is there’s dialysis and kidney transplant available in pediatrics.” Wait, what??  “Your daughter’s kidneys are enlarged and echogenic.  They aren’t making urine.  That is why your fluid is basically gone. I’m referring you to the Children’s hospital.  I have a college buddy that works there, and it’s closer to you.” I recall him telling me of the will of a mother.  He had another patient, whom he was for sure the baby was going to die, and the mother refused to believe it.  The baby lived, even though it was a complicated and trying go.  This was not the story I wanted to hear.  Those were not calming details to learn about my unborn gift.

I was teaching at the time.  I had finally got back into the classroom after moving back to this area, my childhood community, after a rough divorce and a new and wonderful remarriage.  I had finally somewhat escaped my ex and was surrounded with the love and support of nearly all of my family.  Teaching is my heart, my calling.  Have you ever loved something so much that you can’t think of doing anything else?  That was me.  Education excited me.  I loved planning lessons, decorating my room, watching kiddos learn and grow, and I even enjoyed parent teacher conferences.  At the time of the relocation, it seemed that everything was looking up and things were starting to settle in my life...even after the miscarriage.  My custody battle was long and ugly.  Even though that portion of my life wasn’t over, I felt as though there was an end in sight...away from him.  More on that later.  

I drove back to my classroom after the devastating news. I drove in silence; my mind wondering and my heart pounding. I remembered the day I lost my son, Huck, as we named him. I woke up the night it happened with spotting.  I called my OB and she said it would be fine.  She said all the normal things you say to a pregnant chick.  “Drink water, rest, and put your feet up.” I went back to bed after obediently listening.  3 am came with agonizing cramps.  I looked down at the sheets to a puddle of red.  It was a warm coldness that I will never forget.  I looked at my sleeping husband for a second.  Should I wake him?  He looked so sweet and was so exhausted from work. That choice was no longer a choice.  He came to me as I ran to the bathroom, terrified.  Luke, my new love, was staring down at me after calling the hospital.  I told him I didn’t want to go.  I wanted to stay on that tiny bathroom floor forever.  I looked down at my son.  He was so tiny and so perfect.  My hands were red and so was everything.  The bleeding didn’t stop; it wouldn’t.  I didn’t want to leave my lifeless baby, so I put him in a container and we left.  I left him, and it was unbearable.  I had to have emergency surgery that night, a ride in an ambulance to the “bigger hospital,” and a blood transfusion.  The doctor said they nearly lost me, but I felt alone in the wilderness anyway.  Losing a child is a desolate and unexplainable experience.   

We buried our son between our newly planted apple trees.  I thought of those trees in the car. So little...perfectly designed. They had cute little leaves at that time and they were anchored down in the soil next to my garden. They were so petite and yet so full of life.  The irony was too much. 

 That seemed like the longest drive of my life, and I drove a lot in those days.  But like I said, more on that later.  

  It was a catholic school, that I taught at, and after arrival I wobbled in and I told the head mistress what the doctor said and immediately went to the church.  There was no way I could continue with my lessons for the day.  My daughter was in my class.  She saw me in the hallway, and I could see the joy leaving her face.  It was replaced with worry and that made me sick.  I told her mommy was fine, but she knew I wasn’t.   A sweet lady that volunteered at the school followed me.  She tried to comfort me, without knowing me...not really knowing me.  I cried and cried to Jesus.  I was angry, terrified, and anxious.  I recall the altar of the church and how beautiful it was.  I was pissed.  How can this altar be so beautiful, and my unborn baby be marked with some unknown disease?  I know that is a strange comparison, but it truly was agonizing.  My baby was beautiful to me. I had seen her many times in the sonogram. I had felt her wiggles so much, her hiccups, and her kicks.  I adored her as much as I adored the God that lived in that church.  She was from Him, so I had to refocus my thoughts away from despair.  I couldn’t though.  I couldn’t pray it off, kneel it away, or cry to him and receive respite.

  I left the church feeling alone and helpless.  This was a feeling I would feel all too often in my very near future.  

I had an MRI scheduled at the “closer Children’s hospital”.  My husband and I were a wreck.  Our bond grew stronger as our hearts grew weaker.  I had prayed for the intercession of a Saint that provides roses, in times of distress, the days before. I had prayed for my roses to tell me everything would be okay.  I had the MRI and as we walked to the room where we were given the diagnosis I saw beautiful roses on the nurse station desk.  I didn’t think anything of it. I had forgot about my prayers with all the stress of the situation. Little did I know that those roses would change my life.

Once again, I was sitting on a hospital bed getting another sonogram.  I looked at my sweet baby and could see her abdomen was completely full of something fuzzy...her kidneys.  The tech left the room without saying anything.  I could see her expression.  I knew something was gravely wrong before I walked in there, but I wanted her to give me rest.  What seemed like forever later a geneticist arrived.  He was a man about my age, tall and slender.  He was so put together.  He seemed so calm and collected as he told me our daughter had autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease, and both Luke and I were carriers that’s how she got it.  He said we can get tested, and test for other deformations and genetic diseases.  He mentioned that most parents abort these babies.  He was calm and expressionless.  It was too easy for him.  It was his job, and that was science.  Then he left.  

We were moved to a room full of doctors.  Pediatricians, a nephrologist, a counselor, nurses, my new high risk OB..”the college friend,” and others were in attendance.  Most of it is a blur to me now, but I remember the nephrologist saying, “We like a challenge but she will probably not live more than a few hours to a few days. There is a one percent chance for survivability. If she lives, she will face more challenges than dialysis.  She has underdeveloped lungs and will probably get multiple infections, and will suffer her whole life more than likely.”  The pediatrician said, “We can terminate, or just let her go after she is born.  No one will judge you morally, religiously, personally..” etc.  They kept asking us if we had questions.  Our only question was, “How long do we have with her?”  They had answered it, and we just wanted to leave.  

Another long drive back home as Luke and I fought the idea of letting her die right after coming into the world.  How can we let our baby just die without giving her a chance? I remembered seeing the roses.  Those beautiful roses.  As we were driving we saw a pro-life sign with an infant on it.  It said, “choose life.”  We determined then and there that we would fight for her as long as she was willing to fight too, and that began this story. 

I continued to work after the diagnosis.  Sweetly smiling and teaching through my agony. I would mutter words of hope and faith to others that asked, even though I rarely felt those feelings.  I would look onto the faces of my students and want to cry, because my little girl would never have a sweet smiling teacher.  She would never learn to count, or read, or have the joy of watching the class butterflies hatch from their chrysalises. Everything was melancholic.  All my thoughts were consumed with comparisons to how my perfect little girl was not perfect, and that she would never experience the life that I was then just floating in. 

Then, one day, as I was giving a lesson on the alphabet, I felt those all too common cramps and pains.  They gained aggression and so I drove myself to the emergency room once again.  I was in preterm labor again, and they flew me to the Children’s hospital to a room next to the “diagnosis room” I had been at weeks before.  I was given many drugs on the flight to fight the pain and to hold off the inevitable.  I awoke in my new bed to another doctor saying, “You know there is a zero percent chance this baby will live, right? I just need to be realistic with you.” My husband told him to get out, and I fought off the delivery all night.  My labs came in and I was having a cardiac emergency.  They said my triglycerides were high and I was ambulanced to the the hospital “just for adults.”  The reason for my elevated levels was never fully diagnosed.  I remember one cardiologist saying it was “broken heart syndrome.”  They wanted me to do another test, but it would effect Naomi’s kidneys, so I said no.  There was no way I was going to hurt her little body anymore than nature was already doing. 

  I was hospitalized and on bedrest for most of the third trimester because I kept going into labor.  My body knew. It was trying to get the diseased baby out.  Yet, we fought.  Everyday they monitored me and the baby.  As I stayed there by myself I capsized into myself.  I tried to stay positive, and appeared to be on the outside, but that trauma was so much, I still haven’t gotten over it.  I longed to be home, fat and happy, while my husband doted on my pregnant body.  I wanted the experience to be with him and my daughter at home, and to be normal. I imagined taking pictures in front of the mirror and posting them on social media with comments like, “36 weeks and feeling good.” But, that wasn’t our story. This was not a fairytale.  I drew a picture of an inmate behind bars, and marked the days I stayed there until they decided to do a C-section.  I wasn’t allowed a delivery because of all the complicated aspects of the pregnancy; and there were quite a few. 

 The birthdate was chosen. October 1. I came to find out weeks after the birth that this was the feast day of St. Therese(The intercessory rose Saint). This was the day Naomi Grace was to be born and the day she was to die. 

 Now back to the surgery table. Crying as my legs went numb. I was feeling no comfort.  The only other surgery experience I had was after I lost my other baby, and here I was about to birth another baby that was probably going to die.  I knew I would probably only hold her after she had passed, or as she took her last breath.  I had months to fear and grieve the loss of those precious moments; breastfeeding in the silence of her nursery she would never see, kissing her cheeks as she whimpered for me in the wee hours of the morning, changing wet diapers I had carefully washed and put away in her drawers in anticipation of her arrival months before.  I had already told myself that I wouldn’t get those experiences, and now her birth was even more hideous to me.  There was no joy, and no excitement, and no happiness.  I was terrified once again.  

I heard her cries and they let me look at her, very briefly.  She was irregularly swollen.  I had a five year old daughter, so I knew what newborns were supposed to look like.  I battled wanting to hold her, but they swept her away.  I told myself it was probably better that way.  I wouldn’t have to listen to her gasp for air, or see the light leave her eyes.  My husband, my rock, left me there too.  He watched as they got her ready for her fight.  And I....I laid there crying helplessly with so much exasperation that I thought I could die too.  The typical exhilaration that comes after having a baby wasn’t there.  The relief from successfully carrying a baby for nearly ten months, and bringing them into the world to start their beautiful story, wasn’t there. I felt completely alone in that moment.  Then, my headphones started playing a song about a phoenix, and I closed my eyes, sighed, and prayed.  

[elisajdb]

Life With You: XXXIV

Part Thirty-Four:  Waiting For You: Part One

 New Year’s Eve was different this year. ChiChi normally celebrated it at her father’s castle with Gohan and Goten, but this time, she accepted the invitation to celebrate it on Master Roshi’s island. Yamcha declined for he already had plans but Bulma and Trunks came and so did Piccolo who came solely to release the fireworks. Having played with fireworks when he lived with Goku’s family, he was eager to do it again.  

 The theme of the party was a Luau. The men and boys wore shorts and floral (Master Roshi and Krillin) and solid color shirts (Gohan, Goten and Trunks) while the ladies wore floral printed dresses. Bulma’s dress was a mini, 18’s was sleeveless with a long slit on one side but ChiChi’s dress was surprising. It cut off at her knees but had extra allure being sleeveless and left her back exposed. The dress definitely caught Bulma’s and Master Roshi’s eyes as it was unexpected for ChiChi to wear but ChiChi liked it when she saw it on a mannequin and loved how it felt on her. It was a bit liberating for her. Daughter of Gyu-Mao and later wife to Son Goku, ChiChi felt she had to dress a certain way. Now a widow and feeling more confidence in her thirties, ChiChi felt more in command in picking her clothes and deciding what’s best for her.

 While Piccolo and Gohan worked on the fireworks setup, Goten and Trunks chased each other on the beach. Krillin and Master Roshi sat by the fire watching the kids and drinking. The ladies were inside at Bulma’s request for them to have drinks and play a game of their own.

 ChiChi and 18 sat on the sofa waiting for Bulma to join them carrying a tray of empty glasses, a pitcher of light-colored liquid Bulma put together with several drinks, two dice and a deck of cards.

 “My Mom taught me how to make this drink. She gave it to my Dad when they were dating.”

 18 couldn’t help but wryly ask as Bulma filled her glass, “Is that how she won him over?”

 “Oh, no. Mom didn’t need to do that. Though it did help. I’m pretty sure she used it on other guys.”

 “Before Dr. Briefs?” 18 took her glass and sipped. She flinched at the strong taste.

 “And after.” 18 froze in mid drink. “I’m not stupid. My parents’ marriage is different and Mom’s parenting is questionable. She wanted to give Goku alcohol when he was 12.”

 While 18 and Bulma shared a laugh, ChiChi wasn’t amused as she shared, “She wanted to have drinks with him when Goku was married to me.”

 18 coughed, choking on her drink. She rubbed her throat as the liquid pushed down her throat. “What?”

 Even Bulma was surprised. “When did this happen, ChiChi?” As far as she knew Goku hadn’t seen her mother since he was a kid.

 “When Goku left for Namek. He told me she was touchy with him and wanted to have drinks.” 18 hid her face as she took a few sips while trying not to laugh. “I never would’ve known about it if not for Goku and I having drinks one New Year’s Eve and he told me about it. He remembered your mother wanting drinks and thought we should do that with her.” This time 18 couldn’t contain her laughter. She threw her head back laughing loudly.

 “Oh,” Bulma said after a long silence. “That doesn’t surprise me about my Mom. Sometimes I think she and Vegeta did something before we got together.” 18 lowered her glass and ChiChi’s mouth fell open. At their humorous stunned gazes, Bulma grabbed ChiChi’s glass. “One night I made these drinks for us. I wanted to know how it affects a Saiyan.” She laughed. “I did this when I dated Yamcha. He’s a lightweight. He was stripping before me but Vegeta flat out refused. He got angry and I swore he was blushing. He never refused any food or drinks I offered before and he drinks with my Dad sometimes so this made me suspicious.”

 “How do you know they……” ChiChi cleared her throat trying to explain. “I mean, are you sure it’s not…..”

 “Mom doesn’t do that with guys I’m with or she would’ve done it with Yamcha and I know that didn’t happen. Single guys or other married men are fair game.”

 Again 18 and ChiChi shared concerning looks. Was this voluntary or did the drink loosened Bulma’s lips? 18 only finished a quarter of her glass. She had no intention of having the case of loose lips. “How much must you drink before it kicks in?”

“Two gives you a nice buzz. Three makes you feel a little frisky. Four will have you flashing. Five,” Bulma chuckled, “clothing is optional but Yamcha was stripping at three.”

 ChiChi noticed her glass being filled near the brim. “And how many have you had?”

 “Two before I came and two while making it.” Bulma saw ChiChi’s widening eyes, “I developed a tolerance, ChiChi.” 18 raised an eyebrow, doubtful, too. “I needed a drink. Vegeta pissed me off. He was so stubborn and wouldn’t come tonight. I told him I will see him next year.” She giggled suddenly. “In thirty minutes, it will be next year.”

 Again ChiChi and 18 shared looks feeling Bulma wasn’t as resistant as she let on.

 Bulma held ChiChi’s glass to her which the mother of two reluctantly took. “I’ll just have one. I’m driving home after the fireworks.” Cautiously, ChiChi sipped her drink. It was a little strong.

 Bulma winked at 18. “Guess we’ll finish this pitcher together.” She poured her drink. “But since you’re not completely human, you should have a stronger resistance than us, right?”

ChiChi saw 18 gripping her glass tightly. Feeling she will toss the drink on Bulma instead of drinking it, ChiChi grabbed 18’s wrist and tugged signaling to her not do it. 18 wordlessly listened as she put her glass to her lips and drank and drank and drank until her glass was empty. She slammed it on the table. “Only one way to find out.”

 Bulma’s eyes gleamed at the challenge as she refilled 18’s glass.

 “So…..” ChiChi steered the conversation into another topic, “what game did you want to play, Bulma?”

 Down half her drink already, Bulma picked up the deck of cards and two pyramid dice. One dice was white and one was red. “It’s a fun prediction game that tells you what will happen to you next year.” Bulma shook the dice in one hand and tossed it. The white one landed on three and the red on five. The white dice tells you how many times to shuffle your cards.” Bulma shuffled the cards three times. “Five is the card number you pull from the deck.” Bulma removed the top four cards from the deck. “It will tell you what will happen to you next year.” Bulma flipped the card. The card revealed a money bag. “Money is in my future.”

 “That’s not a prediction.” 18 sifted through the deck of cards. There were images of a tombstone meaning death, a white dress meaning wedding, a heart meaning romance, a broken heart meaning breakup, etc. “But I’ll play.” 18 grabbed the dice, shook and toss it on the table. She shuffled the cards twice and pulled third a card. “A baby?”

 ChiChi peered over 18’s shoulder. In her hand was a card of an infant and 18 looked genuinely shocked.

 “Your turn, ChiChi.” Bulma handed her the cards and dice.

 ChiChi tossed the dice. She shuffled the cards and pulled her number from the deck. She laughed at hers and flipped it for Bulma and 18 to see. A heart.

 “Romance,” Bulma cooed.

 ChiChi put the card down. “My husband is dead.”

 “And?” Bulma shook the dice and tossed it. “Are you saying you won’t date anyone because Goku’s dead? You’re just gonna waste your life?”

 “I’m not wasting my life.”

 Bulma flipped her card. It had a tombstone but Bulma ignored it. “Two kids and no income are baggage but you’re pretty enough to get someone and not too old to push out another kid.”

 18 tossed the dice and pulled her card. “If she doesn’t want anyone else, why force her?”

 “Because it’s not right. You think if Vegeta dies when I’m still young, I will stay single? With my looks, brains and money, it’ll be a crime to keep all this to myself.”

“Wedding?” 18 flipped her card.

 “A baby and a wedding,” ChiChi teased. “You’re in for an active year.”

 It was all a joke but 18 couldn’t help pondering, “Maybe it’s time.”

 “Time?” ChiChi picked up the dice. She knew what that meant. “Has Krillin asked?”

 “Multiple,” 18 finished her drink. “It’s not that I don’t want to marry him but I want us to have certain things first. This beach house is nice but I want something of our own and away from Master Roshi.”

 Bulma refilled 18’s drink. “I hear that but if you wait for someone to come around it may never happen. You think if I waited for Vegeta to make a move I would have him and Trunks now?”

 “I agree with Bulma,” ChiChi sipped her drink. “If I waited for Goku to remember our engagement, we wouldn’t have married. Sometimes you have to take a chance and build on that.”

 They had a point. From what she learned of ChiChi and Bulma, they had to make the moves in their relationship. Then again, their mates weren’t human. Krillin wasn’t as clueless as Goku and Vegeta when it came to dating. He exceeded her expectations as a partner but sometimes he was too complacent. He was content with living on Master Roshi’s island and not seeing they need more.

 But maybe ChiChi is right. Take a chance and build.

 When ChiChi revealed her card, Bulma grinned. “Heart again? Listen to the cards, ChiChi. There’s romance in your future and you should take it.”

ChiChi sifted through the cards. “This is rigged.”

 “Nope,” Bulma took the cards from her. “It’s fate.” She shuffled it according to the dice number and pulled it from the deck. She laughed at her card. It was a car. “A new car? Maybe I will buy one.” As 18 grabbed the dice for her turn, Bulma kept talking. “I know you love Goku but you shouldn’t settle on one guy. Goku’s great and all but nothing’s wrong with going for something else. It worked for me.”

 Krillin stepped into the home. “Hey, Ladies. Gohan and Piccolo got the fireworks ready and it’s ten minutes to midnight.”

 Bulma grabbed her pitcher and glass. Krillin held the door for Bulma but noticed ChiChi and 18 lagging behind. “Are you coming?”

 “I need to get a blanket.”

 “It’s not too chilly,” Krillin told ChiChi, “but okay.”

 ChiChi grabbed a blanket from the closet while 18 went to the kitchen to dilute her drink with water. “Lazuli, I don’t mean to pry but you seem shocked about the baby card. Is there something you want to say?”

 18 turned the water. “I’m not pregnant but I’m not sure I can have a kid. Dr. Gero didn’t change everything on me but he did make alterations. I don’t have monthly cycles but once or twice a year, it happens. Krillin and I never used protection. I know my chances of getting pregnant are really slim and Krillin talks about us having a kid…”

 “There’s still a chance. Have you been to a doctor?” 18 dead face made ChiChi retract her words. “Right. How to explain your situation? Oh!” she lit up. “I think I know someone who might help. I saw her when I was pregnant with Gohan and Goten.”

 18 wanted to say no. Never again did she want to be poked and prodded but in this case, she had to do it. If only, to find answers for her and Krillin. “All right,” 18 gave in. “But it stays between us.”

 When the ladies stepped outside, ChiChi went to her sons who eagerly showed her the fireworks display Gohan and Piccolo worked on. 18 went to Krillin who grabbed a blanket off his chair and wrapped it around 18.

 “I’m not cold, Krillin.”

 “Just want to be sure. ChiChi grabbed a blanket and it is a little cooler than it was when we were all out here earlier.”

 He was always considerate of her. Sometimes he treated her like glass and never like an artificial human. It touched and sometimes annoyed 18. “Sometimes you’re too good and I take you for granted.”

 Krillin blushed. 18 had it all wrong. “No. No. I’m lucky to have you. Three years now.”

 18 wrapped part of her blanket around him. “It’s been a good three years.”

 Krillin took her hand and walked away from the campfire. Around them, Krillin heard Bulma calling Trunks to sit with her so they can watch the fireworks together; ChiChi teased Piccolo about a fireworks mishap he had when he lived with her and Goku. Everyone around them was happy, getting along and enjoying themselves. In the time since he announced their relationship, 18 formed a friendship with ChiChi and Bulma, though 18 and ChiChi were closer. 18’s friendship with ChiChi was beneficial for Krillin, too. Spending more time with her through 18, eased the tension between them and helped Krillin understand ChiChi more and what Goku saw in her. As Krillin thought of ChiChi, he thought of Goku and lately, he didn’t feel anger at himself or regret his friend was gone. Everything was going in the right direction for Krillin and there was one thing he knew that will make it all perfect.

 “I feel blessed to know you, Lazuli. I made mistakes growing up; had a rotten string of bad luck but I think since meeting you, life started going right for me and I started making the right decisions.”

 18 squeezed his hand. “The feeling is mutual.”

 Krillin grabbed 18’s other hand and gazed up at her lovely face. He grinned feeling nervous and sweaty with his heart thumping so hard against his chest, he knew 18 heard it. “I have a question to ask you, Lazuli. I don’t know what you will say but I think it will be the best way to go into the New Year.”

 “Twenty seconds!” Gohan announced the final seconds of the year.

 18 knew the question and the answer. “Okay.”

 Krillin knelt before 18. His eyes never left contact with hers. “I love you, Lazuli. Child or no child, tall, short, fifty years or forever, I want to be with you always and I can’t think of a better way going into the new year than having you as my wife. Will you marry me?”

 Everyone counted down but there only one thing Krillin heard one second before midnight.

 “Yes.”

 Loud pops, bright lights, colors and explosions filled the sky. Bulma held Trunks in her lap as he blew his blow horn and she finished her drink. Master Roshi raised his glass. Piccolo smirked proud of his light show. ChiChi received New Year kisses on her cheeks from Gohan and Goten. All were blissfully unaware Krillin and 18 were finally engaged.

 ****

  “Now that you settled on a date, do you have a theme for the wedding?” ChiChi returned to the kitchen carrying magazines. “I bought a few magazines with the latest styles so there should be some designs for whatever you want. Summer weddings have so many options. I marked off pages I think you should see.” ChiChi noticed 18 sketching in a notebook. 18 hadn’t noticed her looking over her shoulder at her sketching. “I didn’t know you draw.”

 18 quickly closed her notebook. ChiChi sat slightly amused. 18 was never shy around her so whatever she was trying to hide must be special. “It’s a compliment, Lazuli.” Again 18, remained quiet. They’ve been friends for three years but sometimes 18 was still reserved but ChiChi knew how to handle that behavior. “You can tell me you want to design your dress. I’m pretty good at making them. I can help pick out fabrics. There’s a wonderful shop I used to go to when making Goku’s gi. They have plenty of beautiful material.”

 18 relaxed slightly. If she didn’t, ChiChi would keep on talking until she did. “It’s a hobby. It’s something I picked up.” She slid ChiChi her book. “When I moved in with Krillin, I needed to do something.   When Krillin worked, I had to sit with Master Roshi watching his aerobic classes or stay in my room. Krillin always came home with a book. One day he gave me a journal. He thought I should write my thoughts down since he knew I’ve been through a lot. I’m not a writer but one day I started drawing. Krillin bought me books on drawing and sketchbooks ever since.”

 “That’s thoughtful of him.” ChiChi turned the pages. There were many pages of Krillin, Master Roshi, the island, her brother. There were a few landscapes of her home. A sketch of her and her sons. “These are very good.” She turned to a page with a sketch design of a dress. “Is this what you want your dress to look like?”

 ChiChi sounded pleased with the design. That eased some of the nerves in her. Krillin saw all her sketches except the wedding dress. She could draw sticks and Krillin will say it’s the best piece of art he’s seen. With ChiChi, 18 knew she would get honest criticism. That’s one of the things she liked about ChiChi. 18 reached for a sandwich. “I think summer is a good wedding date.”

 ChiChi noticed 18 eating. It wasn’t unusual. 18 didn’t have to eat but ChiChi always had food out when  18 visited. 18 ate out of courtesy. One piece of food, a drink and that’s it. The rest were later eaten by Gohan and Goten. This was her third sandwich. ChiChi noticed 18 ate more during her visit last week. She had her suspicions even then.

 “It’ll be a small wedding,” 18 decided. “I’m only inviting my brother. Krillin is the one with the big guest list. Master Roshi is getting his ordained license to marry us. We thought about a barbeque after the ceremony. Bulma offered to pay for the catering since your kids and Trunks will be there.”

 “Did she say anything about Vegeta?”

 “Bulma wants him to come and promises he will be there.”

 ChiChi imagined Vegeta at the wedding. 18 had the same image and both women laughed. “You know at the part where Master Roshi will say, ‘If anyone feels these two shouldn’t marry….’” She broke off in giggles imagining it.

 “I’ll kill him if he tries.”

 ChiChi laughed even louder. “A wedding and a funeral on the same day. This will be a day to remember.”

 18 nodded as she finished her sandwich. “Do you think you can make these for the wedding?”

 ChiChi began smiling for a different reason as 18 reached for the cookies. “I think I can.”

 Weddings were foreign to 18 so she appreciated ChiChi’s help. “I, uh, even designed a dress for you,” she confessed. “It’s on the next page. I’d like you to be my Maid of Honor.” 18 didn’t look at ChiChi when she said that. She waited, expected ChiChi to speak ‘Yes’, ‘No’ but ChiChi didn’t. 18 finally looked at ChiChi and saw the woman had the biggest smile on her face and… were there tears in her eyes?

 18 didn’t expect this reaction. “I thought you might be happy to be my Maid of Honor. I didn’t think you’d cry.”

 “No, that’s not it. I’m honored and yes, I will be your Maid of Honor but that’s not it.”

 18 reached for another sandwich. “Then what is it? Why are you smiling like that?”

 “Lazuli, I….” ChiChi paused. She had to contain her excitement. This is big news! “I’m not sure but I think you need to see my doctor. Just to confirm.”

 “Confirm what?”

 “Lazuli, I think you’re pregnant.”

 “Pregnant?” 18 noticed the sandwich in her hands. Why was she still eating? She dropped it and touched her stomach. Was it possible?

 ****

 “Are you sure you don’t want Krillin to come?”

 18 shook her head. “No. I don’t want to tell Krillin unless I’m sure. I don’t want him getting his hopes up.”

 “You will get home late.” Instead of waiting two days from now to be examined by Dr. Barkley, 18 wanted to be examined today. She couldn’t wait until Dr. Barkley had an open in her schedule. So, ChiChi left Gohan to watch Goten while she and 18 visited Dr. Barkley’s office after it closed.

 “I told Master Roshi I’ll be home late. He’ll tell Krillin.”

 ChiChi understood 18’s nervousness and anxiety to know the truth now. “When Dr. Barkley examined you in January, she did say it’s possible you can have a baby.”

 In January, ChiChi brought 18 to her doctor. For Dr. Barkley, this was a challenge. She never dealt with someone of 18’s physical makeup. She had to do an entire physical on her, multiple exams and x-rays studying the changes Dr. Gero did on 18 and what he left alone.

 “Possibly,” 18 snorted. “It’s still a long shot, ChiChi. Dr. Gero didn’t take my ovaries but he did alter my body where I don’t get monthly visits or ovulate regularly. Your doctor said my body can carry a baby, conception is possible but it has to be the right alignment.”

 ChiChi was hopeful. “Maybe this is the right alignment.”

 18 caressed her stomach. “I hope so.”

 Dr. Barkley entered the room with her electronic pad. “I ran tests but it’s inconclusive. What Dr. Gero did to you makes all testing hard. Have you finished drinking your water?”

 18 pointed to the empty pitcher of water. “All gone and I really have to go to the bathroom.”

 “All right then. Let’s see if there’s a fetus in there.” Dr. Barkley turned on the machines. She poured gel on 18’s stomach and rubbed the probe on her smooth skin. All three women watched the monitor. ChiChi chewed her lower lip not seeing anything; her ears didn’t hear a heartbeat either.  

 Dr. Barkley’s expression was cool as she moved the probe casually over 18’s stomach. “Ooop, there is someone.”

 There was an image of a fetus but no sound which concerned 18. “Don’t you hear heartbeats during this?”

 ChiChi observed Dr. Barkley worriedly thinking the same thing but not saying it.

 Dr. Barkley was calm as she removed the probe from 18’s stomach. She pulled a gown from the cabinet and handed it to 18. “Empty your bladder and change into this. We need to do a vaginal ultrasound. Don’t worry. This happens sometimes. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 Dr. Barkley left. Muttering a curse, 18 climbed off the exam table and entered the bathroom. ChiChi waited but after ten minutes without 18 emerging, ChiChi knocked on the door. “Lazuli, are you okay?” ChiChi heard the door unlock but it didn’t open. ChiChi slowly turned the knob and opened the door. “Lazuli?”

 18 stood in the gown; her hands were on the sink while she stared in the mirror. “No heartbeat, ChiChi. She couldn’t find a heartbeat.”

 ChiChi remembered being on the other side where she worried about her pregnancy with Gohan and Goku had to calm her. She never thought she would be in a situation calming a friend. “Dr. Barkley said it happens sometimes. That’s why she wants to do a vaginal ultrasound.”

 “It didn’t happen to you. I doubt it happened to Bulma.” 18 clenched her fists. She was so angry she wanted to destroy the room! “Damned that Dr. Gero. He took so much from me. Even in death, he still takes from me!”

 ChiChi turned 18 to face her. “He took a lot but he won’t take this from you. This has happened to other women otherwise Dr. Barkley wouldn’t have suggested this. It’s a good thing.” 18 raised an eyebrow. “It really is. It means you’re more woman than you think. You’re more human!”

 “ChiChi? 18?” Dr. Barkley called.

 ChiChi wrapped her arm around 18. “Let’s go through this exam and see what happens.”

 Dr. Barkley sat in her chair holding a gel-covered wand-like object in her hand. “What is that?” 18 asked as she got back on the exam table. Seeing the dreaded stirrups up, 18 put her feet in.

 “It’s an ultrasound transducer. I need this wand to help with the exam.” Dr. Barkley rolled her chair between the stirrups. “Let’s try this again.” She pushed the want in 18.

 18 maintained her calm at the intrusion. Her eyes were on the monitor again as she looked at the screen and waited. No sound again. She squeezed ChiChi’s hand as the longer time pass, no sound was heard. “It’s dead, isn’t it?” 18 cursed herself for getting her hopes. How foolish she was to think she could have a normal life.  

 Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

 “There it is. A nice, strong heartbeat.” Dr. Barkley kept her cool composure for 18 and ChiChi but she was very relieved to hear the heartbeat. “Sometimes you can’t hear the heartbeat on the abdominal ultrasound but you get it on the vaginal. In your case, 18, it’s expected but as you progress we may only need the abdominal.”

 “So, it’s healthy?” 18 couldn’t relax until she knew that.

 “I think so. It’s too early to detect the sex.” Dr. Barkley removed the wand. As she cleaned the instrument, she said, “I’d say you’re about six weeks but since you’re a special case, I want to see you weekly until you pass the first trimester.”

 “EIGHTEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!”

 All three women jumped at a loud male scream.

 “EIGHTEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!”

 “Is that Krillin?” ChiChi asked.

 18 removed her feet from her stirrups. “How did he know we’re here?”

 Dr. Barkley’s door slammed open. A frantic looking Krillin had three confused women looking at him. He ignored ChiChi and the woman in the white coat and ran to 18. “18, are you all right? What happened?”

 “Krillin, how did you find me?”

 “Master Roshi said you were still at ChiChi’s house. I figured you were talking about the wedding. I felt kind of guilty leaving it all on you so I thought I come by and contribute but you weren’t there. Goten said you went to the doctor. You never needed a doctor! Gohan was stubborn but he finally talked and said you were here.” He pulled 18 into his arms. “I don’t care what’s wrong. Even if it takes the dragon balls, I’ll make you better.”

 18 would be mad but she was touched the moment Krillin thought something was wrong he went to her. He looked so frantic and out of breath. She enclosed her arms around him in a sweet hug. “Gohan didn’t tell you what kind of doctor we went to?”

 “It was a lot just getting Gohan to tell me the address. Please,” he begged. “Tell me what’s wrong. No matter what. If you’re ill, I’ll find a cure. I promise.”

 There goes her plan in wanting to wait until the first trimester passed. “For this illness, it will take several months to be cured.”

 “Several months?” Krillin panicked! “What kind of illness is that? Do you have cancer? 18, I don’t care how much it cost but I’ll find the best doctor for you!”

 “I think I have the best doctor,” 18 sent a rare smile to Dr. Barkley. “As for my illness….. you did all you can. It’s all on me.” That baffled Krillin even more. “I’m pregnant, Krillin. We’re gonna have a baby.”

 “Baby?” Krillin looked at 18’s stomach. “You’re pregnant?”

 18 confirmed with a smile. Krillin looked at ChiChi. She confirmed with a smiling nod. Krillin turned to Dr. Barkley who smiled but held up a picture of the ultrasound. Krillin took the picture and stared at the fetus. Reality sunk in it wasn’t a bad thing. It was a good thing. A baby. He and 18 were having a baby. “Oh, wow,” Krillin’s legs felt wobbly. Tears sprang from his eyes as the picture he held was the most beautiful thing in the world. “A baby. We’re gonna have a baby.”

 Lightheaded, Krillin’s eyes rolled back as he fainted.

 ****

 “What’s that?”

 “Ummmm…… clouds?”

 “What color is the sky?”

 A three-year-old child giggled. “It’s many colors.”

 Gohan rolled his eyes. Goten would give that answer. “What color is it now?”

 “Blue!”

 “Good, Goten. Very good.”

 A large fish was slung over Gohan’s shoulder as he and Goten walked home. Goten felt prideful having the duty to carry the flowers he and Gohan picked for ChiChi. It was Gohan’s idea to stop at the trail of flowers and pick them. It’s happened before with Gohan carrying them home but today, he passed that responsibility to Goten.

 “Will Momma like the flowers, Big Brother?”

 “Momma will love the flowers, Goten. She always does.” It was a tradition Gohan noticed started with Dad and vowed to keep alive.

Gohan splashed water on his face as he freshened up for home. He always took a bath when he returned home but Gohan never wanted his Mom to see how dirty he really got.

 “Ready, Gohan?” Dad called as he approached. “I’m ready to eat and I caught a big fish for Mom.” Dad had a large fish slung over his right shoulder and in his left hand, flowers. Gohan wasn’t an expert on flower types. They were purple and yellow with big petals. They looked pretty but Gohan thought it was strange for Dad to pick flowers. Mom only did that and put them in pots around the house.

 “Why did you pick flowers?” Gohan asked.

 Dad had that ‘I got a secret smile’ as he shrugged. “Thought it would be nice to bring Mom something besides food to cook.”  

 Piccolo rolled his eyes. “Disgusting.”

 Gohan turned around. “Why is that disgusting? Mom likes flowers, Mr. Piccolo.”

 Piccolo muttered and flew off. Gohan looked at his Dad for an answer but he shook his head signaling Gohan to forget it. When the three returned home, Gohan expected Dad to follow him in the house but he told him, “I’ll get the fish ready out here. Tell Mom to come outside.”

 While Piccolo sat on the sofa in the family room, Gohan entered the kitchen where Mom stood in front of the counter chopping food. “We’re back, Mom.”

 Mom turned and quickly noticed Dad missing. “Where’s Dad?”

 “Outside with the fish. He wants you to come outside.”

 “Outside?” Mom questioned as she wiped her hands on her apron. “Why?” Gohan shrugged. “Go take a shower,” she told Gohan. “I don’t want you smelly when we eat dinner.”

 While Mom left to meet Dad outside, Gohan floated to the window. Like Mom, he wanted to know why Dad wanted her to come outside.

 “Goku, why do you want me outside?” Mom walked to Dad who had his hands behind his back. Mom couldn’t see it from her viewpoint but Gohan saw the flowers in Dad’s hands. Mom cocked her head to her left. “What do you have behind your back? Oh,” Mom groaned. “What animal did you bring for me to cut up that I won’t like?”

 Dad laughed, “It’s not that. Come closer.”

 Mom took a step closer. “You better not have a dead snake to throw in my face.”

                                                                                     “That was one time and you punched me for that. Come on,” he urged. “A little more.”

Mom took another step closer. “Goku… if this is a prank…..”

 Dad revealed the flowers to Mom. Mom’s face immediately changed from disgust to surprise. ���Goku….they’re beautiful.” Mom took the flowers and inhaled them. “Thank you.” Gohan mentally cheered for Dad as Mom threw her arms around him. “I can’t believe you remembered my birthday!”

 “Birthday?” Gohan noticed Dad’s face overcome with fear. “It’s today??” Gohan worried.  Did he forget, too?

 Mom looked suspicious at Dad. “You did get this because it’s my birthday, didn’t you, Goku?”

 “Well…..uh….” Dad stammered. “I’ve been training every day I don’t keep up with days and….” Mom’s face grew annoyed the more Dad talked. “No. I forgot it.” Mom’s face grew more furious. Dad put his hands together in prayer. “But I did get flowers because I thought you would like it. That should count, right?” Dad pleaded, smiling as big as he could. “I had one of those subconscious thingies.”

 “Goku……” Mom growled as she walked to Dad who took one step back when ChiChi took one step forward. “Goku!” Mom screamed as she raised her hand of flowers. Gohan and Dad expected a firm slap. Instead, Mom laughed and playfully slapped Dad’s face with the flowers. “You’re not the only one who can be sneaky.”

 Gohan covered a hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh. Mom didn’t hold back her laugh but Dad looked annoyed. “That wasn’t funny, ChiChi.”

That caused Mom to laugh even louder. “Oh, it is! You should see your face!”

 While Mom kept laughing, Dad rolled his eyes annoyed until it suddenly changed. There was something weird about Dad’s face. He grabbed Mom suddenly and pulled her to him. “Is it funny now?”

 Mom stared at Dad. She didn’t answer his question. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “It’s cute. Like you. Thank you for the flowers.” Mom hugged him. “But don’t give me that look. There’s no time for that. Plus, you stink.”

 Mom pulled away to walk back to the house but Dad didn’t let go of her hand. He sniffed. “I don’t smell that bad.”

 Mom stuck her tongue out at Dad. “I had to hold my breath when I was kissing you. It was unpleasant.” Mom yelped as Dad pulled hard and nearly slammed her against his body. “Goku…..” Mom sounded breathless and Dad had that weird look on his face again.

 “Breathe deep.”

 “Mmm!” Mom gasped as Dad kissed her again. Gohan shook his head amused as he returned to the floor. Mom and Dad were being playful again. It was the first time since Dad died Gohan saw this playful behavior from his parents and it was the first incident Gohan saw that made him think life was getting back to normal for his family.

 “We’re back, Mom, and the fish is cooking outside!” Gohan announced.

 ChiChi glanced out the window. She saw a big fish cooking over a fire. “Oh, you two brought home a big one.” ChiChi stepped from the stove with a hot pot in her hands. Gohan and Goten entered the kitchen with their arms behind their backs. “What’s going on?” Noticing her sons’ grins, she smiled, “What are you two up to?”

 Gohan and Goten pulled the flowers from behind them.

“For you, Momma,” Goten announced.

 “Oh!” ChiChi put the pot on the table. “How beautiful!” ChiChi took the bouquet of flowers. “Oh, thank you!!” She kissed Gohan and Goten’s cheeks. “I have the sweetest boys!” ChiChi rushed into the living room where Gyu-Mao worked on fixing Goten’s toy. “Dad, look at the wonderful flowers my sons got me.”

 “They’re beautiful, ChiChi. Goku used to give you flowers sometimes, too.”

 “Who’s Goku?”

 ChiChi tensed. Gyu-Mao and Gohan became silent and Goten looked at them curiously. “Who’s Goku?” he repeated.

 “Look, Goten.” Gohan took the toy Gyu-Mao worked on. “Grandpa finished fixing your toy.”

 “Whee!” Goten grabbed the animatronic lion. He flipped the ‘on’ switch and placed the lion on the floor. The lion walked a few steps and roared. “Roar!” Goten imitated the lion. “Thank you, Grandpa.” The three-year-old could only wrap his arms around his Grandpa’s big leg.

 “Goten, why don’t you play with this in your room with your other toys? We’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”

 “Okay, Mommy.”  

 Gyu-Mao waited until Goten was gone before speaking. “You haven’t talked to him yet?”

 “How do you tell a three-year-old his father is dead? How do you explain death to a child?” ChiChi sat on the arm of the chair. “For Goten, this is normal. Mom. Brother. Grandpa. He doesn’t know the term Dad. He’s played with Aki’s daughters and never noticed he’s missing a Dad.”

 “But he’s starting to notice things now,” Gohan informed his mother. “He thinks the pictures of Dad in the house are him.”

 “I know.” ChiChi remembered Goten pointing at a large picture of Goku and said ‘Me.’ “He’s at that age where he’s noticing things and asking questions.” She sighed. She didn’t want to but knew she had to tell him. “Goten has a play date with Trunks tomorrow and Naoko’s birthday party the day after that. I’ll tell him afterward.”

 ****

 “Vegeta,” Bulma jogged to Vegeta as he stepped out of the gravity room, “have you seen, Goten?”

 Vegeta stood outside the gravity room, hungry and tired. “I’ve been in here all night.” He stretched his slightly aching arms over his head. “Why is he here?” Vegeta saw ChiChi with Goten when she visited yesterday afternoon. He was on his way to the gravity room. He felt he was so close to ascending past Super Saiyan and has spent many nights there.  

 “I convinced ChiChi to let Goten stay over for a night. You would know that if you spent time out of the gravity room.” For days, he spent his nights in the gravity room instead of with her and it aggravated her she didn’t know why. “Trunks and Goten were having so much fun playing and ChiChi said she had a lot to do for a party today and---

 “You lost her child.”

 “I didn’t lose him. Everything was fine until this morning, Trunks and Goten wanted to play ‘Hide and Seek.’ I found Trunks and---”

 “You lost Goten.”

 “I did not lose him!” Bulma yelled. It was true but Vegeta didn’t need to keep saying that. “Goten’s playing the game better than me and ChiChi’s gonna be here soon. I need to find him.”

 “Let her find him when she comes.”

 “She shouldn’t have to look for her child when she left him with me. Besides, she’s not gonna have time for that. She’s taking Goten to her home village for a birthday party.”

 “Guess you better get started looking for him.”

 “Wait,” Bulma called as Vegeta turned away from her. “You won’t help?”

Vegeta walked off. “Not my child. Not my problem.” Ignoring Bulma’s threat to remove the power from the gravity room, Vegeta continued to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed armfuls of food. As he passed the stove and dishwater on the way to the table, he felt something.

 Vegeta placed the food on the table and returned to the dishwasher. He opened the door and saw Goten squished inside the bottom drawer. The three-year-old giggled as Vegeta pulled the bottom drawer out.

 “Out.”

 Goten climbed out.

 “Why the hell were you hiding in there?” Vegeta walked off. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Vegeta noticed Goten following him. He eyed the child suspiciously as he sat down. He saw Goten a handful of times and never interacted with him. From what he little he saw of Goten, the child always seemed so happy like his father. Trunks, as a baby, cried many times around him. Vegeta admitted he shared blame since he never held the child or tried interacting with him. As a toddler, Trunks didn’t cry around him but he was cautious, stared a lot and preferred the company of his mother and grandparents.

 He’s too much like Kakarrot Vegeta thought watching Goten climb in a chair next to him. He looked at the food and licked his lips before smiling at Vegeta. “Get your own food.” Goten reached for a fried piece of chicken. Vegeta smacked the child’s hand. “That’s mine. Get your own food.”

 Goten was horrified Vegeta hit his hand. His lower lip trembled and his eyes watered. “Ah, hell.” Vegeta grabbed the chicken and gave it back to Goten. “Here. Go on. Get the hell out of here.”

 Goten remained seated as he triumphantly ate his chicken. “It’s insane at how much you look like Kakarrot.”

 “Kaka root?” Goten repeated the unfamiliar name.

 Vegeta rolled his eyes forgetting. Only he called Goku Kakarrot. “Right. You wouldn’t know him by that name. You’ll know him as Goku.”

 “Who’s Goku?”

 Vegeta paused in midbite. He stared at the child who happily finished his chicken. “You haven’t heard of the name Goku?” Goten didn’t answer Vegeta’s question. He only smiled at him, stared at the food and smiled back at Vegeta. Vegeta handed Goten a dumpling. He’s sneaky like Kakarrot.

 “I have. Grandpa says that name sometimes.”

 Goten finished his dumpling, smiling as he waited for more. Vegeta handed Goten another one. “What about your mother and brother?”

 Goten shook his head as he chewed his food. “No, but I think they know him.”

 “Goten! There you are.” Bulma entered the kitchen relieved. “I looked for you here.”

 “I hide good.” He pointed at Vegeta. “He found me.”

 Bulma picked up Goten while glowering at Vegeta. “You could’ve told me you found him. Come on, Goten. Let me clean your face and get you dressed for Mommy.”

 “Wait,” Vegeta stopped her. “He doesn’t know about Kakarrot?”

 “Of course he doesn’t.” Bulma thought Vegeta was ridiculous for asking that question. “He’s three.”

 “Trunks knows who I am and he’s four.”

 “Only because I told him. Besides, you’re alive and Goku’s dead. Try explaining that to a three-year-old.” Bulma walked off. “Come on, Goten. Let’s get you ready for Mommy.”

 “What’s dead?” Goten asked.

 Bulma looked at a smirking Vegeta who sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Take that smirk off your face. This is your fault!” She smiled sweetly at Goten. “Dead is nothing for you to worry about.”

 Goten pouted. “But I wanna know!”

 Goten definitely took after Goku. Bulma remembered Goku’s determined moods when he was a child. “Instead of telling you what dead means, what about I give you one of Trunks’ toys?”

 “Ooooo!” Goten liked that idea. “Can I pick which one?”

 “You sure can!”

 “Yay!”

  ****

 “Sorry, we’re late, but we’re here!” ChiChi apologized as she hugged Aki’s wife, Reia.

 “You’re never late when it’s a kid’s birthday.” Reia returned the hug and took the wrapped gifts from ChiChi. Reia saw Gohan carrying a container she guessed as food. “Oh, ChiChi, you didn’t have to make anything.”

 “I wanted to, and I know with three kids, you will need help preparing food for a party of little girls and boys.” ChiChi saw boys and girls in the house but knew some were in the backyard. “How many are here?”

 “Five of Kala’s friends. Birthday girl, Naoko, has ten. The parents dumped their kids and ran like a prison break,” she joked. “And we have five cousins.” ChiChi was aware of Lara, Aki’s sister, having two boys. The other three cousins were from Reia’s side of the family whom she never met. “Everyone but Leska is in the backyard playing in the bounce houses. Sorry, Gohan,” Reia apologized. “The only child close to your age is my niece, Leska. She’s fifteen and she’s visiting for summer vacation.” Reia waved at someone in the kitchen. “Leska, come over here. I want you to meet someone.”

 A slim girl with long, black hair stepped out of the kitchen. Her shiny ebony curls bounced as she walked to them. “Aunt Reia, I just put the cookies in the oven.”

 “Thank you. Leska, I want you to meet friends of mine. This is Son ChiChi and her sons, Gohan and Goten. Gohan’s thirteen. You probably won’t be bored now there’s someone close to your age here.”

 “Hi, Gohan!” Kala, Aki’s eldest child and eight-year-old daughter ran in from outside. “Daddy has the bounce houses up. Let’s play.”

 Before Leska could introduce herself, Gohan was pulled by Kala outside. Seeing Gohan, four-year-old Naoko ran into the house for her friend. “Goten! Let’s play with my friends!” Like her sister, she grabbed Goten’s hand and pulled him outside. ChiChi went to the window. Gohan talked to Aki who was by his grill preparing food while Kala kept pulling his arm. Naoko introduced Goten to the other four-year-old children before going into a bounce house.

 “Well,” Leska shrugged, “guess I don’t have anyone to talk to again.”

 “Go play with them,” Reia encouraged the teen. “I know they are little kids but you’ll have fun with them and you can help Uncle Aki watch them.”

 “But what about Jun?” Jun was Aki’s third daughter, a one-year-old.

 “I can handle Jun, Leska. Go play with the kids.” Leska shrugged again and went outside. “She’s too mature for her own age. Guess that’s what happens when you’re an only child.”

 Feeling sympathetic since she is an only child, ChiChi observed her. Instead of playing with the kids, Leska went to Aki. They talked and Leska grabbed an apron, took a big bowl of ground beef and began making patties. “Leska is from who again?”

 “My oldest brother,” Reia answered as she went upstairs. ChiChi followed her. “When your Dad wasn’t always so nice, my brother left the village. It’s been good having her visit. She’s gotten to know her cousins and has been a big help with me watching three kids.”

 Reia entered a room with a baby crib. She peered over to see her one-year-old asleep. She quietly left the room. “Speaking of kids, Gohan’s growing like a tree!”

 “Yeah,” ChiChi agreed. “He’s as tall as me. Bulma said Goku wasn’t tall at fifteen. His growth spurt came late.” This made ChiChi feel very smug. “Guess Gohan gets his height from my side of the family.”

 As the ladies returned downstairs, ChiChi confessed, “His voice is starting to change. Gohan’s embarrassed by it. When his voice squeaks, Goten laughs at him and asks Gohan to keep talking like that when Gohan is trying not to.”

 “When his voice matures and he grows a little more, he will be fighting off girls with a stick. Right now, it’s little girls like Kala. Soon, it’ll be girls his age.”

 ChiChi giggled thinking of Kala pulling Gohan away. “You noticed it, too?”

Reia laughed with ChiChi. “Were we that obvious with our crushes when we were their age?”

 ChiChi thought of herself riding on Nimbus besides Goku. “I know I was with Goku.” She looked out the window to check on the kids again. Kala grabbed Gohan and pulled him to a bounce house. “I wonder how Gohan will handle his crushes.”

 Over an hour later, ChiChi and Reia helped the children line up to get their food. It was a hassle keeping the order but all the children got their food and sat on the clothed picnic tables eating pizza, burgers, nuggets, hot dogs and fries. With all the children seated and eating, ChiChi noticed one missing. “Where’s Leska?”

 Aki stepped out of his home, holding Jun who awakened from her nap. “She was here before I checked on Jun.” Having an idea where his niece is, Aki looked up. “She’s on the roof again. Gohan, why don’t you go up there and have lunch with her so she’s not alone?”

 “The roof?” ChiChi looked up and saw the teen sitting alone. She guessed this wasn’t Leska’s first time doing this. Gohan looked at his mother on what to do. “Go on but remember.”

 Gohan nodded aware of what he can’t do. Gathering his plates and a cup, Gohan entered Aki’s house. He could easily fly to the top but Gohan knew outside his friends and family, he couldn’t show off his skills. Flying people weren’t normal and after the Cell Game, they had to be extra cautious.  

 Leska sat on the slanted roof enjoying her lunch. She knew her aunt and uncle might be wondering where she went to but she preferred solitude than sitting with children who wouldn’t understand her. Her cousins didn’t. Her Dad sent her here to get to know her family. She liked her cousins but she still felt lonely and missed her friends. Aunt Leska introduced her to kids her age in the village but she didn’t click with them. None of the boys were cute and acted too macho for her taste and the girls were too interested in the boys in the village, planning marriages and babies; something she wasn’t interested in. At fifteen, Leska had thoughts of her career after school. Not marriage and motherhood.

 Her ears picked up the sounds of someone in the attic. She assumed it was Uncle Aki coming out to sit with her. She was surprised it was the boy her cousin has a crush on. Aunt Reia tried to get her to talk to him but her little cousin occupied his attention the entire time. “Hi.” Gohan climbed out. Leska’s eyes grew at the three full plates Gohan held as he settled beside her. “Why are you up here?”

 Leska couldn’t take her eyes off one plate with three burgers and fries. Is he gonna eat all that? “A better question might be: why are you up here?”

 “Mr. Aki thought you shouldn’t eat lunch alone.” Gohan neatly put two plates and his cup down while keeping the plate of burgers and fries on his lap. He took a big bite into his burger. “So, why are you here?”

 He ate fast but neat. He finished one burger in three big bites. “It’s Naoko’s day. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself.”

 “You’re doing that eating on the roof.” Gohan was blunt as he munched on his second burger.

 Leska conceded Gohan had a point. “I’m a vegan.” Unsurprisingly, Gohan stared completely clueless of that word. “I don’t eat meat or dairy products.” Leska opened her burger to show it was filled with portobello mushrooms, tomatoes, onions and spinach leaves instead of beef like Gohan’s sandwich. “Uncle Aki and Aunt Reia accept my choice and they like some of the food I’ve made but Kala and Naoko don’t understand. Kala teases me about it and refuses to eat any vegan food and Naoko copies her. They don’t know I made Naoko’s birthday cake. It’s vegan. I can’t wait to tell them that after they eat it and say they like it.”

 Gohan thought that was a little extreme to get back at Kala and Naoko for their teasing. “Won’t they notice the difference when they eat it?”

 A wicked smile formed on Leska’s pretty face. “They won’t. That’s what makes it so much fun. Anyway, I didn’t want a group of kids staring at me eating a meatless burger.” She bit into her burger. “Guess I can settle for one.”

 Realizing she meant him, Gohan flushed. “No, no, no. I don’t mind.” Well, it was kind of strange. He always ate meat and dairy products but if eating a mushroom burger makes Leska happy, he wasn’t going to complain. “I kind of understand. I don’t eat everything my Dad ate. He could eat anything.”

 At least Gohan was understanding. That was more than Leska can say for her cousins and the other kids in the village. “I guess you would understand where I’m coming from.” Leska chewed her sweet potato fries. “You came up here through the attic instead of flying so you didn’t bring attention to yourself.”

 Gohan stared wide-eyed with cheeks puffed of food. She knew?

 “Your Dad’s Son Goku. Aunt Reia and Uncle Aki talked about him and you. They wanted me to know it was you two who saved us from Cell and not Mr. Satan.” She smiled. “Thank you for saving us and I’m sorry about your Dad.”

 Gohan received smiles before; from his Mom, Bulma, Bulma’s mother, Aki’s wife, Kala, Naoko but their smiles never made his heart beat a little faster. It was weird but he kind of liked it.  

 “When Uncle Aki told me you killed Cell, I had a hard time believing it but now I do.”

 “Why do you believe it now?”

 “Your muscles.” Leska touched his arm. Gohan wore a short sleeve shirt. “I’ve never seen a kid with muscles like this.” She squeezed his arm. “You feel strong.”

 No one ever felt his muscles before. No one touched him like this before! It was strange but nice. “Thank you,” Gohan cringed hearing his scratchy voice.  Of all the times for his voice to act weird.

 “Welcome to puberty,” Leska joked as she pulled away. “Your voice is changing and my boobs, hips and legs are popping out. I like my changes.”

 On instinct, Gohan looked at Leska’s body. As his eyes moved from her legs and up her body, he noticed the swell of her breasts. When he moved up to her face, Leska had a quirky smirk letting him know she knew what he did. Embarrassed, Gohan grabbed his second plate and ate voraciously.  

 Gohan’s embarrassment amused her. Instead of teasing, she moved to another topic. “So, you’re thirteen? I will warn you. The teachers will begin preparing you for high school entrance exams now. When you’re fourteen, it will be even harder.”

 “I’m homeschooled but Mom has talked about high school entrance exams.”

 Homeschooled? That explained some things Leska observed. “So, you’re being homeschooled until you go to high school? I bet it’s easier but lonely.”

 “I don’t know about it being easier. The tests Mom gives me are hard. I did attend school once. Twice. Well,” Gohan stopped to think. “I went to preschool for a few months.” Gohan stopped himself from confessing preschool was halted because he was kidnapped for a year. “And I went to school for a year when I was five and I had to stop.”

 “So, you just had preschool and kindergarten? You really haven’t been at school at all.” This gave confirmation to Leska’s thoughts about Gohan. He didn’t have social skills talking to other kids but he seemed comfortable talking to adults like Uncle Aki. “I guess it can’t be helped because of the martial arts stuff but since you’re not saving the world, how come you’re not in school now?”

 It’s been three years since Gohan talked with his mother about school. Gohan pleaded with her to let him stay home. He felt his mother and Goten needed him. As he saw it, they still do. “I like being at home. I can study at my pace and I like to help Mom with my brother.”

 “I like helping Uncle Aki and Aunt Reia but I’m excited to go home and go back to high school. There are clubs I’m a part of and friends I want to see again. Do you have friends, Gohan?”

 “Sure. Piccolo, Dende, Krillin, Bulma and Yamcha,” Gohan stopped himself. “Oh, you mean friends my age.” Mom said something similar to him three years ago about needing friends his age. “Well, I have one friend my age.” A Namekian who didn’t know anything about Earth culture.

 “No, you don’t.” Leska held her hand out and smiled. “You have two friends.”

 Gohan shook her hand. Leska’s hand felt soft and warm. With her smile, Gohan felt strange twists in his stomach. It was nice but not as nice knowing he made another friend.

 “Leska! Gohan!” Aki yelled. “It’s time to bring out Naoko’s cake! Come on down!”

 “We’ll be right down, Uncle!” Leska took Gohan’s empty plates and cups and stack it on hers. “Gohan, how about you fly us down?”

 “Huh?”

 “I wanna know what it’s like to fly and since I can’t do it, I’ll share the feeling with you.”

 “Oh…. Kay.” Cringe. There was that squeak again. When they stood, Leska put her arm around Gohan’s shoulder. Gohan settled his arm around Leska’s waist. He blushed noticing the slight expansion of Leska’s hips.

 “Wow.” Leska squeezed Gohan tighter. “This is nice.”

 Gently, Gohan carried them to the ground. His blush deepened when he caught the surprised gaze of his mother. Oh, boy.

 ChiChi never commented since Reia came out with a lit cake singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Naoko. Everyone joined in the singing. Naoko blew out her candles and received the first slice of cake. When Kala and Naoko praised how yummy the cake is, Leska smirked at Gohan and the two laughed at their secret.

 The birthday cake was the finale of the party and to Aki and Reia’s relief, the party was ending on schedule which meant the parents will soon arrive to pick up their children. As the adults cleaned up and packed whatever leftover food the children wanted to take home, the children spent the remainder of their time playing in the bounce houses or inside the home watching a movie. Goten watched the movie but  Gohan stayed outside talking to Leska. The two sat on the grass, talking and not paying attention to the younger children taking turns between the bounce houses.

 “The weirdest thing I’ve done is gone camping.”

 “Why is that weird?”

 “I’m a city girl, Gohan. I never did that. When Uncle Aki brought it up, the first thing I said was, ‘Do I have to go the bathroom outside?’”

 Gohan burst out laughing. “I thought the animals would scare you.”

 “They did but it wasn’t as scary as going to the bathroom outside. Uncle Aki rented a camper so I didn’t have to go to the bathroom outside but he did make me sleep outside.”

 “Did you like it?”

 “It was weird at first because it’s sooo quiet. No cars or planes and every animal sound and stick cracking made me jump.”

 Gohan remembered being the same way on his first camping trip with Goku. “I was like that when I went camping with my Dad the first time. Mom packed us lunches but Dad wanted to show me how to hunt for food. We went fishing, picked berries, mushrooms and bugs.”

 “Mushrooms and bugs?” Leska made a disgusted face while laughing. “Eww!”

 Gohan expected that reaction about bugs but not mushrooms. “You like mushrooms.”

 “From the store!” Leska told Gohan giggling. “Not in the forests. With my bad luck, I’ll pick the poisoned ones.”

 “I’ll show you which ones to pick,” Gohan offered. “There are plenty near my home.”

 “You will?” The idea appealed to Leska. “You wanna show me around your home?”

 Did he really say that? Did Leska have to smile at him until his stomach twisted? “I mean, sure, if you want to.” Gohan suddenly thought of his mother. She relaxed on some things but she wouldn’t allow anything to get in the way of his studying. “I’ll have to do it after I finish my lessons.”

 “Cool,” Leska accepted. “But I have to talk to Uncle Aki and Aunt Reia first. I can’t go anywhere outside the house without them.”

 “Leska!!” Kala waved as she approached them. She settled herself in the small open space between Gohan and Leska. “Momma needs your help in the kitchen. Now.” Leska stifled a laugh at her bossy cousin, got up and left. Kala turned her attention to Gohan. “Is Leska bothering you?”

 “No.” Gohan watched Leska enter the house. “She’s nice. She’s kind of fun.”

 “I like her,” Kala admitted, “but she’s weird. She doesn’t eat meat, cheese or drinks milk. She drinks oat and almond milk. She loves vegetables,” Kala spoke as if that was the most disgusting thing she heard. “She’s always making Momma cook special stuff for her.”

 “If she was allergic, your Mom would have to cook special stuff.”

 “That’s different,” Kala groused and pouted. “I can’t believe you like Leska.”

 Gohan blinked confused. What was wrong with Kala? “She’s a nice person. Don’t you like her?”

 Kala’s pouting suddenly erased as her mood flipped into a happier attitude. “I got a magic trick to show you.”

 “Oh?” Kala was always trying to show him something when she wanted to play. “What kind?”

 “Close your eyes and when you open them, I will show you something really special.”

 “Like what?”

 “You have to close your eyes first,” Kala insisted.

 Kala did this before. When he opened his eyes, Kala held a frog, wore a monster mask; always trying to scare him. “Okay.” Gohan closed his eyes wondering what Kala will try to scare him with now.

 Something soft pressed on his lips. Gohan opened his eyes and to his horror, saw Kala’s face pressed against his. Her eyes were closed and her lips were……. her lips were…. Wait? Is her lips on mine? Is she kissing me?!!!

 “So,” Gohan heard the last voice he wanted to hear, “this is why you lied to get me away from Gohan.”  

Behind Kala, stood Leska. She had a hand on her hip and a cynical smile on her face. “Gohan, you can take your lips off her now. Unless,” she giggled, “you like that.”

 Gohan pushed Kala away with a hard shove. “This isn’t what you think!”

 “Looks like you and my eight-year-old cousin were kissing.”

 Gohan shook his head and waved his arms frantically. She got it all wrong! “No! She kissed me! I didn’t kiss her!”

 Kala wrapped her arms around Gohan’s neck. “Gohan is my boyfriend! I kissed him so that means he’s mine and you can’t have him!” Kala stuck her tongue out at Leska.

 Gohan snatched Kala’s arms off him. “No, no, no! I’m not your boyfriend!”

 Leska put her hands up in defeat. “I don’t believe in fighting over boys. You can have him, Kala.”

 Gohan shook his head not believing what he’s seeing. Leska couldn’t really think he and Kala were boyfriend and girlfriend. “It’s not like that! She tricked me! I didn’t kiss her!!” Giggles erupted around them. All the children in the bounce houses were looking. Did they see Kala kiss him, too? This was turning into the most embarrassing day of his life.

 Aki stepped outside hearing all the raucous yells and laughs. “What’s going on?”

 “Kala’s staking her claim on Gohan, Uncle Aki,” Leska’s amusement furthered Gohan’s embarrassment. He wanted to fight Cell again instead of watching Leska tell Aki what Kala did.

 Aki laughed.

 Great. Just great. Everyone was laughing at him!

 “We’ll talk about this later, but Kala, go to your room.”

 “But, Daddy—”

Aki pointed inside speaking firmer. “Do I have to repeat myself?”

 Kala’s lower lip trembled but she obeyed. Aki held his hand out and helped Gohan stand. “Sorry about that, Gohan. I knew Kala had a crush on you but I didn’t think she would do this. Guess she felt threatened by competition.” Leska laughed but Gohan’s blush deepened. This wasn’t funny at all. Gohan didn’t laugh with him and Leska. His face was red and he looked mad like he wanted to snap. “Was that your first kiss, Gohan?” Aki winced at Gohan’s deepening blush. “Oh… shi….. uh, um, I mean, that’s not how you want your first one to go but….” he exhaled, his mind raced as he thought of something to appease Gohan. “You’re getting a preview what’s in store for you when you grow up, Gohan. You’re gonna be fighting girls off with a stick.”

 It was awkward Gohan had to deal with voice changing but now he had to deal with an eight-year-old fighting for his affection against a girl he wanted to be friends with who also saw his humiliating first kiss! She couldn’t stop grinning and Gohan didn’t know if Leska was laughing at Kala stealing his first kiss or at him being a fool and not seeing what Kala wanted to do? Did Leska not want to be his friend anymore when she told Kala she can have him? Did it mean she won’t come to Mount Paouz? All these strange emotions and thoughts racing in his mind left Gohan frustrated and confused. He hated it!

 I should’ve stayed home and studied.

 ****

 Children’s birthday parties are normally fun and messy events. Parents leave the parties exhausted, happy but relieved it’s over. Children, at least ChiChi thought, felt happy about the fun they had and sad they had to leave the party. That was not the case for her sons. Both were quiet. ChiChi learned from Aki Gohan got his first kiss and was very embarrassed about it. The situation was funny but she understood why Gohan felt humiliated. He was thirteen now and going through puberty. He didn’t need this on top of all the other changes around him. He was at a gentle age. She’ll have to navigate this carefully.

 Goten’s quietness was a mystery. ChiChi kept her eyes on Goten nearly the entire time at the party. He was happy, playing with the kids and eating the sweet cake and junk food of burgers, fries and pizza. He was in a good mood all day but when they left, Goten acted differently. He was sullen and ChiChi needed to know why so she can fix it.

 “Goten?” Goten glumly looked out the window. “Did you have fun at Naoko’s birthday party?”

 “Yes.”

 A one-word answer. That wasn’t good. “You’re so quiet. Are you sure you had fun?”

 “I did.”

 This time Gohan turned to his brother. That wasn’t like Goten at all. “What’s wrong, Goten?”

 Goten lowered his head again confirming something is bothering him. “Goten,” ChiChi gently called his name. “You know you can say anything to me and Gohan. Whatever is on your mind, you can tell us.”

 Goten never felt he had to hold anything back from Mommy and Big Brother Gohan. Whatever he wanted to know, Mommy and Big Brother always had an answer but this issue Goten knew they were keeping something from him. He understood some of Bulma and Vegeta’s talk. He knew his mother and brother kept something from him. It was so obvious today seeing the kids leave with two big people. One of them the kids called Daddy. Goten understood Naoko and Kala had a Daddy. It was Mr. Aki. Goten thought it was something only Aki had. Trunks never mentioned having a Daddy but after spending the night at his home, he realized Vegeta is Trunks’ Daddy. All the kids at today’s party left with a Mommy and Daddy. How come he didn’t have a Daddy? Or was this Goku he heard his Daddy? If he is, Goten wanted to know where he is and why he isn’t living with him, Mommy and big brother.

 “How come I don’t have a Daddy?”

 While Gohan internally screamed, ChiChi almost drove off the road. She pulled to the side, parked the truck and turned in her seat. “Goten, what did you say?”

 “Is Goku my Daddy?” Goten asked firmer this time. The heavy frown and wrinkled eyebrows let ChiChi know Goten was angry and wanted the truth.

“Where did you hear this?” Gohan knew Grandpa slipped sometimes but it wasn’t enough for Goten to figure this out.

 “Trunks’ Mommy and the angry guy.”

 Gohan slapped his forehead. ChiChi pressed her face against the back of her seat. “Those idiots.” What were they thinking talking about Goku around Goten? Now she had to tell Goten and it was not the way she wanted to tell him. “Okay, Goten. When we get home, we’ll talk.”

 ChiChi dreaded entering her home. As soon as she did, Goten asked, “Now will you tell me?” The child wasn’t going to wait and there was nothing she could say to distract him. He had that serious stare Goku wore when he was angry. “Have a seat, Goten.”

 Gohan sat on the sofa with Goten as ChiChi went to the coffee table. She opened the drawer and pulled out the family album. ChiChi sat next to Goten and placed the album in Goten’s lap. “You do have a Daddy, Goten. His name is Son Goku.” ChiChi opened the album to the first page. It is ChiChi and Goku on their wedding day. “This is your Daddy, Goten.”

 Goten stared at the picture of Goku in a white suit smiling at the camera. He put his small hand on Goku’s face. “Daddy looks like me.”

 “No,” ChiChi corrected. “You look like Daddy.”

 “Where’s my Daddy?”

 ChiChi briefly closed her eyes as she willed herself to be strong. Goten was so innocent. She hated to be the one to shatter it. “Daddy is dead, Goten. He died before you were born.”

“What’s dead?”

 “Dead means you’re not here anymore. It means going away where you don’t see the people you love for a very long time.” The words glazed over Goten’s head. “I’m not doing a good job at this. You’ve never experienced death.” ChiChi tried again. “When someone dies, you can’t see, talk or touch them again. They go to another place.”

 “What place?”

 “Good people like Daddy go to Heaven and bad people go to Hell.”

 “Can I go to Heaven now? I wanna see Daddy.”

 “No, Goten. You have to understand. You can’t go when you want. You go when it’s time just like I didn’t let you go camping with Gohan until I thought you were old enough. If you went today, then you won’t see me, Gohan or your friends for a very long time.” Again, Goten was lost so ChiChi tried again. “You know how you didn’t see me and Gohan last night because you were at Trunks’ house? When I picked you up, you said you missed us. If you go to Heaven now, you won’t see me and Gohan for even longer.”

 That seemed to hit Goten. When he saw ChiChi, he gave her a big hug. It was one night but he did miss his family. If going to Heaven meant he won’t see his Momma and Big Brother for a long time, Goten didn’t like that at all. “Why did Daddy go to Heaven?”

 “There was a terrible, evil monster threatening to destroy the planet. Daddy died to protect us. He died so we can be here and live in peace. You know how you can play with Trunks and Gohan; go to birthday parties like today and be happy? It’s because Daddy had to leave to protect us.”

 Goten quietly mulled over that. Even though Goten was more advanced in mind and body than the average three-year-old due to his Saiyan heritage, it was still a lot to comprehend. ChiChi turned to a page that had a collage of pictures. “This is a picture of me and Daddy when he we went camping.” She pointed to another one. “This is us at a festival of Grandpa’s village. This is us apple picking.”

 Goten pointed to a picture of ChiChi when her stomach was big. “You ate a lot, Mommy.”

 “That’s because I was carrying your big brother.” She pointed to a picture of herself, Gohan and Goku in bed the day of Gohan’s birth. “This is us when Gohan was born and---”

 “Is this me, Mommy?” Goten suddenly pointed to an old picture of a baby that looked like him being held by an old man.

 “No. That’s the only baby picture we have of your Daddy and his Grandpa Gohan. Your brother Gohan is named after him.”

 Goten stared at the baby picture of Goku. “I look like Daddy,” he said with pride.

 ChiChi kissed the top of Goten’s head. “Yes, you do. Now, let’s talk about Daddy.”

 ****

Hours were spent talking about Goku as ChiChi went over the photos in the album, on the walls and showed Goten the shrine in her bedroom where Goten can talk to Goku. ChiChi wrapped up the evening with a bedtime story for Goten of Goku’s adventure as a child. Goten was happy and looked forward to this new nightly tradition. With one crisis with one son settled, ChiChi  focused on Gohan.

 It was an hour before his bedtime so Gohan sat on the sofa watching TV. ChiChi preferred he read but cut him slack given what happened today. ChiChi entered the living room with a tray of tea and cookies. As she sat beside Gohan, she poured tea for them. “What are you watching?”

Gohan shrugged. “I don’t know. I just turned on the TV and just watched the people.”

 ChiChi sipped her tea. “I’ve done that with books. I saw the words on the pages but I wasn’t reading. It usually happens if I’m upset or my mind is on something.” ChiChi waited but Gohan didn’t take the bait. She decided to be blunt. “Aki told me what happened. I know you’ve had an embarrassing day. I’ve had plenty with your Dad. If anyone understands what you went through, it’s me.”

 Gohan knew this talk was coming when he saw Aki talking to ChiChi. He didn’t roll his eyes but his sarcasm was clear, “You got kissed by an eight-year-old? You were tricked with your first kiss?”

 The sass in Gohan’s voice was alarming but ChiChi knew to expect this. She had a lot of sass when she was Gohan’s age. Still do now. He definitely inherited shades of her personality. “No and no but I’ve had embarrassing moments. Your first in anything never goes as planned, Gohan. You got your first kiss at thirteen. I was almost married when that happened. I was a very late bloomer getting my first kiss.”

 “But at least it was with someone you like and not a kid!” Gohan griped. “You don’t understand at all!”

 Yup. Gohan definitely inherited her temper. Despite what Gohan thought, she understood a lot. “I wish there were a way to instantly make you feel better, Gohan, but there’s nothing. This is all part of growing up. It wouldn’t have been as bad if it didn’t happen in front of Leska.” At the mention of her name, Gohan blushed. So, she was right. Gohan did have a crush on the teen. However, ChiChi didn’t think it was mutual. Leska was fifteen and in high school. Girls that age were interested in boys her age or older. She probably saw Gohan as a friend, but if Leska was like other girls her age, she knew when younger boys had a crush on her. She’ll have to keep a watchful eye on them so Gohan isn’t hurt when Leska returns home after summer break.  

 First crushes were a delicate situation, and as much ChiChi didn’t want Gohan getting distracted balancing his schooling and Leska, she knew he needed to socialize with kids his age. She stressed this when she talked to Gohan about going back to school. It would be hypocritical if she prevents that now.

 “Leska was amused by Kala. She wasn’t laughing at you, but she is in a delicate situation, Gohan. Leska doesn’t want to cause friction with her cousin. Laughing was the best response. What if Goten liked Leska and didn’t want you around her? What would you do?”

 Putting it like that, Leska laughing wasn’t so embarrassing. “So, she wasn’t laughing at me?”

 Maybe. The situation was funny, but it was too sensitive for Gohan to accept being laughed at. “Aki asked if it will be all right if he drops Leska over for a visit but only if you are okay with it.”

 Gohan’s face lit up. He really liked the chance to see Leska again. “She still wants to see me?”

 ChiChi wanted to laugh at Gohan’s sudden mood change but there was enough teasing today.  “You made an impression on the roof. I’m okay with the visits as long as your studies are completed.”

 “I’ll finish them!” Gohan promised. “I’ll finish them an hour ahead.”

 ChiChi worried if she was making the right decision but accepted this was one of those times, she had to relinquish control and let Gohan grow up.

 ****

 Gohan felt restless as he walked downstairs one quiet morning. He woke up early and laid in bed for an hour. Normally, when Gohan awakened, he showered, did his lessons, ate, played with Goten and studied some more but for several mornings he lacked motivation and he didn’t know why.

 He wondered if it was his hormones. He was thirteen now and going through a lot of changes. He grew a lot in the last year. He was as tall as his mother. His voice was changing and he was noticing girls in a different way like Leska. It all made him awkward.

 As water filled the kettle for tea, Gohan saw his mother from the kitchen window. She was in the yard sparring. This was ChiChi’s special time and she preferred to not be disturbed. These two hours gave ChiChi time to clear her mind, relax and prepare for the day ahead. She had moves, Gohan noticed as ChiChi pushed herself into the air with a one hand bouncing off the grass, flipped multiple times before tossing imaginary punches in the air as she descended to land.

 Gohan felt nostalgic. He remembered being up this early with his Dad and Piccolo. Their training was for a purpose but it was fun, too. There were multiple martial arts lessons learned but the fond memories of spending time with Goku and Piccolo were what Gohan took away most from those years.

 But since Goku’s death, Gohan hadn’t felt the desire to train. He exercised to keep in shape but going beyond that wasn’t in his interest. The purpose was served. The evil was vanquished so there was no desire to push himself higher than he is. He was the strongest person on Earth at nine years old. Four years later, he was still the strongest but seeing his mother jump high, throw kicks, punches and flips in the air, Gohan felt reminiscent of him and Goku in the Room of Spirit and Time and with it a strange spark.

 A strange spark of excitement to fight that was always followed with reluctance to go through with it.

 Seeing ChiChi form her Kamehameha Wave, Gohan knew ChiChi’s workout was ending. He grabbed ChiChi’s thermos from the refrigerator and went outside. He leaned against his home and watched ChiChi maneuver her Kamehameha Wave and fired it safely in the sky where it exploded and descended to the ground like fireworks.

 “Your wave is better.”

 ChiChi turned to her approaching son. A light gleam of sweat shined on her face as she accepted her bottle. “You think so?”

 “Yeah. It’s bigger and you moved it fluidly. It looked very natural.”

 “Well, I am a natural talent,” ChiChi bragged as she took sips from her bottle. “Even your Dad said that about me even though it took years of practice for mine to look natural.”

 His parents mentioned it but Gohan never saw it. “How often did you and Dad train together?”

 “Before I became pregnant, every day. Goku thought training with me was a good warmup. Sometimes when I wanted to sleep, Goku would drag me out of bed.” ChiChi put down her bottle and raised her hands over her head in a stretch.

 Even though Gohan saw the pictures to prove it happened, it was still wild to him his parents sparred together.

 ChiChi twisted her waist. “Funny, even though Goku and I have spent less time together in the last years of our marriage, we did find some time to spar but as peaceful as it’s been now, we haven’t done that.”

 We? Gohan pointed to himself? Did his mother mean them? Where was this coming from?! “You didn’t want me to fight.”

 ChiChi pressed her right leg forward in a lunge. “Because you were so young and everyone wanted you to fight monsters that can destroy the planet. You’re thirteen now and times are peaceful. It’s different now.”

 That was true and Gohan remembered during the picnic a year after Goku’s death, she explained that. Still, to think his mother wanted to spar with him…… “Whoa!” Gohan yelped as ChiChi threw a punch at him. The wind of her punch felt like a strong gust. He jumped when ChiChi attempted to trip him with a leg sweep. “Mom, what are you doing?!”

 Gohan dodged a direct knifehand strike from ChiChi but felt her nails graze his left cheek. “Has it been that long for you?” ChiChi landed a kick on Gohan’s chest. The surprised strike caused Gohan to stumble. “We’re sparring, and you are very rusty.”

 A hop, skip and a flip, Gohan distanced himself from ChiChi. It took seconds for him to see his mother was serious. She really wanted to fight him. Even rusty, Gohan knew he had an advantage over ChiChi. He could easily end the fight.

 “Yipe!” he bent backward avoiding a swinging kick. Gohan twisted and crawled to get away from ChiChi. It would be easy to end the fight but he couldn’t fight his mother.  

 “You’re just like your father.” Gohan rolled on his back to see ChiChi descending from the sky with her clenched fist. He rolled and jumped back on his feet, barely missing ChiChi’s strike. “Scared to fight!” Just as he got his balance, he put up his arm blocking ChiChi’s leg. He cocked his head avoiding a punch but grabbed ChiChi’s arm and tossed her over his head.

 Shock coursed through Gohan as he witnessed ChiChi soaring in the air before landing on her feet. He hadn’t meant to throw ChiChi but reflexes awoke in him and he responded. It acted again when ChiChi charged on him. Left, right, left, right, Gohan moved to avoid the swift swipes of his mother’s sharp hands.

 Rust slowly fell away as Gohan gained more confidence he could fight without harming ChiChi. Punches were caught; kicks were pushed back. At the same time, ChiChi became bolder with her attacks as she was determined to hit him again but luckily, Gohan was a step ahead. When ChiChi, threw an elbow strike in his face, Gohan blocked it with his arm. The force behind the hit surprised him. If he were only human, he would’ve been knocked out.

 Mother and son’s eyes met. Catching the smile on ChiChi’s face, Gohan’s lips turned upward, too. This was starting to be fun. He threw his own punch to which ChiChi missed. The second one ChiChi caught, flinching slightly at the impact.

 Gohan thought he hurt ChiChi but she smiled and removed his fist. “Okay, Gohan. I think that’s enough.” ChiChi stepped away to pick up her water bottle lying on the ground. She drunk the remaining liquid in the bottle.

 “You’re good, Mom.” ChiChi exceeded Gohan’s expectations on her skills as a martial artist. “It was fun sparring with you.”

 “It took you a while to warm up,” ChiChi commented. “But you got there.”

 “Yeah.” Gohan thought over that kick he received. “I’m a little rusty but that’s okay.”

 “Years ago, you could maintain being a Super Saiyan all day. Can you do that now?”

 “I don’t know,” Gohan was honest. “I haven’t tried that since the Cell Game. I haven’t turned into a Super Saiyan in two years.”

 ChiChi knew it was a while but she didn’t know it was that long. “Can you still change at will?”

“Sure.” It’s been a while but Gohan was confident he can do that. Closing his fists, Gohan concentrated summoning rage. One second… two seconds….. A gold aura briefly surrounded him as his muscles swelled at the new strength; his eyes turned green and his dark hair turned blonde. “See?”

 ChiChi nodded. “I see. It took you five seconds.”

 “Five?” That was longer than anticipated but it wasn’t bad. “Guess it’s been a while.”

 “Mmm-hmm,” ChiChi agreed. It was concerning. “Let’s see how long you can maintain being a Super Saiyan before you tire.”

 First the impromptu spar and now homework on his martial arts. Gohan felt he was talking to his Dad and not his Mom. “Are you sure about that? What about Goten?”

 “Goten’s gonna see you as a Super Saiyan one day. It’s getting close to that time I will start teaching him martial arts.”

 “Whaa….?” Was this a dream? “Mom,” Gohan was very worried, “are you okay? Goten’s three and you want to teach him martial arts.”

 “He’ll be four later this year. You know what happened when you turned four.”

 That explained his mother’s behavior but Gohan felt this was extreme. He was four when he had to learn martial arts. If he had his choice, he would wait and with it being peaceful, Gohan didn’t see the need for Goten to learn martial arts so soon.

 “I’ll start Goten’s training and in a few years, you can take over. You can help him become a Super Saiyan.”

 That sounded like a plan to Gohan but Goten being a Super Saiyan wasn’t something that will happen for a long time. Maybe when he’s 16 or 17 Gohan figured. Gohan had faith ChiChi will train Goten well but he wondered about one thing. “How come you never learned how to fly?”

 “I liked riding on Nimbus with your Dad and being held by him. I knew one day I will learn how to fly but things got in the way. I had you and focused on that and, before Goku died the first time, we resumed training together where I thought I will learn how to fly.”

 “Really?”

 “You were in preschool then and your Dad and I were talking about doing things like having another child and resume my training. Me flying was a goal of Goku.” She shrugged at the missed chance. “But things happened.”

 It wasn’t until Goku’s second death, Gohan noticed how much his family’s life was halted or altered with all the fighting. Everyone else’s life stayed the same or changed for the better. “So, you never learned to fly.”

 ChiChi shrugged accepting her fate. She put her arm around Gohan as they walked back to the house. “With everything that’s happened, there wasn’t time.”

 “I can teach you to fly, Mom,” Gohan offered.

 “No,” ChiChi politely declined. “I think learning how to fly is very special and should be with someone special. One day, when you’re with a special girl and she asks you to teach her how to fly, you’ll understand what I mean.” Gohan didn’t. In his mind, flying was a skill that can be an advantage in fighting. There wasn’t anything special about it. “Goten will be awake soon.” ChiChi left Gohan and went upstairs. “I’ll shower and make breakfast. Thanks for the spar, Gohan.”

 “It was fun.” Gohan felt good about his spar. It was something he never expected to do and while initially worried he would accidentally hurt his Mom, Gohan gained more confidence he wouldn’t and actually enjoyed it. “It’s the first time I did any martial arts since Dad died.”

 ChiChi turned on the stairwell surprised. “You don’t when you visit Piccolo?”

 Gohan shook his head. “No. We just talk and I spend time with Dende.”

 “Has he tried to encourage you?” Again, Gohan shook his head. “I see.”

 There was a reason why. Gohan tried talking to Piccolo about it but he didn’t understand. Human emotions were still alien to him. Maybe Mom understands. “Mom? Do you think about Dad when you train? Is it hard practicing martial arts because it makes you think about him?”

 Oh. So, that’s it.

 ChiChi returned to the bottom of the stairs. “When I practice martial arts, it gives me memories of my Dad; memories with Goku; and memories of me studying alone. I won’t lie. That first year without Goku was hard. Everything reminded me of Goku but I pushed through it, and when I think of Goku, I’m sad sometimes but I’m mostly happy.” She put her arms around him and gave him a half hug. “Gohan, you shouldn’t let the pain of losing someone stop you from enjoying something you did together. Dad’s gone but you do like martial arts. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been smiling when we did it.”

 That was true. He did enjoy the little spar with his Mom. So caught up in their spar, Gohan hadn’t noticed the restlessness he felt when he woke up was gone. Maybe that’s what’s been bothering me. “I think I’ll do a little more sparring before breakfast.”

 “Until breakfast,” ChiChi told him before going back upstairs.

 Gohan returned outside. Watching the rising sun, he felt renewed. Goku wasn’t here but Gohan felt his presence as he stretched his body, arms and legs.

 Always stretch before you exercise, Gohan. It reduces soreness and improves your flexibility.

 The memory was as fresh as if Goku said it yesterday.

 “All right,” Gohan hopped on his feet. Like a switch, Gohan turned into a Super Saiyan. He was slower in his transformation but he can fix that. “Time to get back on track.”

 ****

 “Tell me again why I decided to come to Yamcha’s game on what has to be the hottest day of the year?”

 “Because we’re his friends and should support him and if a pregnant 18 and Krillin can support Yamcha, we can, too.”

 Bulma rolled her eyes. Leave it to ChiChi to say that. “Yeah, but it wasn’t the hottest day of the year when they went.”

 ChiChi agreed it was definitely hot as she fanned herself while she and Bulma waited in line. Yamcha had their tickets for them at the box office and it was a long line just to get that. Every other minute Bulma complained why Yamcha couldn’t give them their tickets personally so they didn’t have to wait in this long line.  

 The kids were taking the heat better. Gohan and Leska sat in the shade drinking cool soda while keeping an eye on Trunks and Goten. The boys ran in the interactive fountain in the shape of a baseball that had a splash pad where water sprouted from the ground.

 “So, that’s Gohan’s girlfriend,” Bulma remarked of the dark-haired teen. “She’s cute but what’s a fifteen-year-old doing talking to a thirteen-year-old? I was always interested in older guys at that age.”

 “Gohan has a crush on her,” ChiChi admitted, “but they are just friends. Leska has been responsible and hasn’t led Gohan on. She goes back home at the end of August and Gohan understands when Leska goes home, there won’t be time to talk anymore. He’s happy to enjoy the time they have.”

 Bulma shook her head. “You guys always handle things way too maturely but at least Gohan’s showing interest in girls. He definitely doesn’t take after Goku. He didn’t show interest until you came along.” Bulma ignored ChiChi’s side-eye glare. “You have to admit that’s weird. Goku was 18 and it’s not like he wasn’t around women. He was around a beautiful woman like me and he spent time with Lunch and who knows what girls he met on his travels.”

 “Goku was probably a late bloomer since he’s an alien, Bulma. Gohan’s half-alien. There’s a lot we don’t know unless Vegeta told you something.”

 “Ha!” Bulma threw her head back in a faux laugh. At the mention of his name, Bulma pulled out her gold cigarette case from her purse, “That ass hasn’t said much.” Grabbing her lighter, she lit up a cigarette. “In his mind, I only need to know these things on an as needed basis.” She exhaled a puff of smoke. “And Trunks isn’t at that age yet.”

 ChiChi waved the smoke away. Bulma was respectful to not smoke in her home or around her kids but in public places and at her large home, Bulma smoked however she liked. “Well, Gohan’s at that age.”

 “Yup.” Bulma exhaled another puff of smoke. “Goku being a full-blooded Saiyan probably has something to do with it. You wouldn’t believe the loops I went through so Vegeta noticed me. Finally!” Bulma cheered as she and ChiChi moved up to receive their tickets. She gave the teen behind the glass their names and waited. “I hope these are good seats. I’m not standing in the heat.”

 “It’s an open stadium, Bulma. There are not many places to hide from the sun.”

 “You can in the suite seats and that’s where we better be going.”

 ChiChi didn’t know what suite seats were but it sounded fancy. “Aren’t those for the rich?”

 “I’m rich. I qualify.” The teen handed Bulma the tickets. “What the hell? These aren’t suite seats! These are Dugout seats! That cheapass!”

 “Aren’t those good?” ChiChi inquired.

 “Yamcha bought me these seats when we dated. It’s close to the restroom and concessions and you can see the players but you have the full blast of the sun on you. No. No,” Bulma shook her head. “We’re not sitting here.” Bulma turned back to the teen. “Could you check to see if any suite seats are available?” While the teen check on the available seats, Bulma explained, “Suite seats are air-conditioned with luxury seats, TVs and better food.”

 “Yamcha got these seats for us, Bulma.” It will be hot sitting there but it was only for three hours. With enough fluid, ChiChi thought they can get through it.  

 “Wait.” Bulma couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You don’t want to sit in the suite section?”

 It was tempting but ChiChi refused. “No. The children and I will sit in the seats Yamcha got us.”

 Bulma handed ChiChi the tickets. “You’re free to use them but Trunks and I will be in the suite section. We’ll meet up after the game.”

 After buying her tickets, Bulma and Trunks split from the group. Yamcha arranged it where everyone can purchase whatever they wanted at the concession stands. After getting the children their food, the four found their special Dugout Box seats.

 Yamcha was on the field warming up with his teammate, Kenji, when he spotted them. He jogged over. “Hey, ChiChi. Glad you made it. Where are Bulma and Trunks?”

 “In the suite section. Bulma wasn’t happy you gave us these seats. She said it’s too hot to sit out here.”

 Yamcha groaned exasperated, “I reserved these seats for everyone for the entire season and that’s a lot of money. Most times these seats are empty. Not even my girlfriend can make it to every game. She’s not coming to this one because of work. Suite seats are 4,000 zeni per person. That’s too much to invest when it’s gonna be empty all season.”

 “I know,” ChiChi agreed, “but you know how Bulma is.”

 Yamcha rolled his eyes. “Unfortunately, I do, but I appreciate you coming. If it gets too hot, the concession stands aren’t far off. Charge it to my account.” Yamcha noticed ChiChi’s face was a little pink. “Maybe you better drink something now.”

 “I’m fine.” ChiChi handed Goten his hot dog. After he took a big bite, ChiChi made him drink his soda. “I’m just a little tired. I had a busy morning with Goten.”

 If Goten was like Goku as a child, Yamcha understood why. “That little boy will wear you out. He has a lot of energy like Goku.” Yamcha turned as Kenji called his name. “I gotta go. Enjoy the game.”

 Yamcha jogged to Kenji who scolded. “Don’t need you flirting with the ladies when we have a game to win.”

 “That’s hypocritical coming from you,” Yamcha teased. “How many women did you flirt with before and after games?”

 “I was twenty-two, single and the new kid. We’re trying to get to the World Series. My contract is up and I want a big payday. Though,” Kenji admired ChiChi from afar, “I can see why you’re distracted. She’s pretty. Have I met her? She looks familiar.”

 “A few years ago. Remember my friend’s pregnant wife?”

 “Oh, yeah,” Kenji recalled her. “She was cute then. Still cute. Didn’t know she had three kids.”

 “The girl is her son’s girlfriend.”

 “Ah.” Kenji walked off with Yamcha but he stole one more glance at ChiChi.

 By the seventh inning, ChiChi wished she joined Bulma in the suite seats. It was extremely hot. None of the food appealed to her. Not even the vegan options Leska ate so she settled for water throughout the game while making sure Goten, Gohan and Leska were hydrated and fed. ChiChi was also tired. She was up early exercising alone, spent an hour teaching Goten the basics in martial arts before preparing breakfast and cleaning up. After that, she spent the remainder of her time working on 18’s wedding dress. She thought the game would be a nice break for her but the heat was unbearable and every other inning, she was up taking Goten to the restroom or getting drinks for everyone. Leska offered to help but ChiChi told her to remain with Gohan. Leska’s time was short and for Gohan’s sake, she wanted the two friends to spend as much time together.

 By the twelfth inning, ChiChi felt near her breaking point. The game went into extra innings because Kenji failed to score at the bottom of the ninth. Even the players were getting tired and hoping the game would end just so they could escape the heat. ChiChi saw sweat stains on some of the player’s uniforms.

 The crowd groaned at another strikeout. It was the bottom of the inning, two outs with Yamcha on third base. They only needed a player to hit good enough to get to first base where Yamcha can score, break the tie and win the game.

 ChiChi didn’t know who was coming up next and she didn’t care. She wanted this nightmare of a game to end. Her head was pounding and her body felt so hot and drained. She needed an escape. She decided to get more water and sit in an air-conditioned shop and wait until the game ends.

 “Gohan, keep an eye on Goten.” ChiChi stood but gripped the railing as she felt her head spinning. Dots danced before her eyes and the pounding in her head increased. This wasn’t good. “I don’t…. I don’t…..” ChiChi heard Gohan call her name as her body swoon and everything turn black.

 Kenji swung his bat as he stepped up to the plate. Yamcha was on third base. All Kenji needed was to hit good enough so Yamcha can score and end the game. He was angry with himself blowing it in the ninth and forcing the teams to play three more innings.

 “Mom!!

 “Momma!”

 “Mrs. Son!”

 Hearing panicked childish screams, Kenji turned around to see the pretty Mom Yamcha talked to slumped in her seat with three worried children shaking her awake. Kenji dropped his bat, ran to the railing and jumped over it into the seats. Three children hovered worriedly as Kenji touched ChiChi’s face. “She’s burning up.” He touched ChiChi’s neck. “Her pulse is racing.”

 “Is Momma gonna be okay?” Goten asked worriedly.

 Kenji looked around. It will take too long for security to show up and call for a medic. Kenji picked up ChiChi and jumped off the railing. Once he landed, he turned to the children. “Follow me.”

 Gohan picked up Goten and Leska wrapped her arms around Gohan’s neck. Gohan jumped and smoothly landed on the ground. They followed Kenji into the Dugout to the locker room with the crowd and players looking on stunned.

 “I swear I will kill Yamcha for getting those stupid seats!”

 “I think she’s waking up.”

 “What’s her temperature?”

 “Momma!”

 ChiChi’s eyes opened. Her blurry eyes focused to see a man with salt and pepper hair standing over her. “What….. what’s going on?” Her head wasn’t pounding but she felt very cool and wet. ChiChi looked down to discover she was in a tub of ice and her clothes were soaked. “My clothes!”

 “It’s okay.” Leska eased ChiChi back in the tub she was trying to climb out of. She handed ChiChi a cold bottle. “Here drink this.”

 ChiChi drunk a few sips from the bottle. “Where am I? Where are my sons?”

 “We’re here, Mom.” Gohan was on the other side holding Goten.

 “Are you okay now, Momma?” Goten eyes were red and he sounded so scared.  

 Before ChiChi could answer, the man spoke again. “Mrs. Son, I’m Dr. Woodson. Kenji brought you here. You had a touch of heatstroke. We had to cool your body so we placed you in this ice bath.”

 “Heatstroke?”

 “Momma, are you okay?” Goten asked again.

 “I’m a little tired,” ChiChi answered Goten. Loud chaos of male screaming sounded from another room. “Where am I?”

 “In the team locker room,” Bulma stood against the wall. “They wouldn’t let me in at first but when I started complaining and Yamcha explained he knew me, they let me.” She shook her head. “You should’ve listened to me and sat in the suite seats.”

 Again, ChiChi heard a loud raucous of male laughter. “Why all the screaming?”

 “Yamcha’s team won. They’re still celebrating,” Leska explained. “It was amazing, Mrs. Son. Kenji was at bat when you fainted. He jumped into the seats, carried you to the locker room, came back out and scored a home run to win the game.”

 While Leska retold the events excited, ChiChi was stunned and embarrassed. “I fainted? Someone carried me?”

 “Yup,” Bulma confirmed. “It kept playing over and over on the TV in the suite section. I’m kind of envious. That Kenji guy is cute.”

 Before ChiChi said ‘Who?’, there was a knock on the door. “ChiChi. It’s Yamcha and Kenji. Can we come in?”

 ChiChi wanted to say no since she felt embarrassed but manners required her to thank the person who helped her. “Sure.”

 Yamcha was still in his dirty and sweaty uniform but Kenji was freshly showered and shirtless in jeans, wet hair and a towel tossed over his shoulder with a bag in his hand. Not since Goku, ChiChi has seen a man shirtless and Kenji had a fine physique. His chest was so wide and stacked with muscles that even Bulma and Leska were looking.

 “This is all your fault, Yamcha!” Bulma scolded him while her eyes roamed over Kenji. “If you got us seats in the suites, ChiChi wouldn’t feel obligated to sit in those heat stroking seats!”

 “It’s my fault,” Kenji apologized. “I struck out in the bottom of the ninth inning instead of scoring. I caused our team to go into overtime.”

 “You made up with that home run that won the game,” Yamcha reminded Kenji.

 Kenji still felt guilty he didn’t score sooner. He held up his bag. “I got someone from the shop to buy you something to change into and souvenirs for the kids. Consider it as an apology.”

 “Thank you.” ChiChi looked at the doctor. “Can I go home now? I feel better.”

 Dr. Woodson was reluctant to let ChiChi go. “Your body is cool again and your pulse is normal but you probably should be examined by your doctor. If you continue to drink plenty of liquid, eat and rest immediately when you get home, then yes.”

 “There are plenty of restaurants nearby that offer curbside pickup. I can order food now, pick it up and take you home.” All eyes turned on Kenji filled with confusion, surprise and suspiciousness. “I feel bad you’re in this situation, Mrs. Son. Let me make it up to you.”

 Kenji’s offer left ChiChi momentarily speechless. Yamcha’s look at his teammate was suspicious while Bulma’s initial surprise faded into a sly smile. “Thank you, but I came with my friend.”

 “No,” Bulma wouldn’t let ChiChi refused this. “I think you should accept his offer. It’s the least he can do. After all, he should’ve scored in the ninth inning.”

 “Bulma!” Yamcha scolded his ex. He accepted her being rude to him but not his teammate.

 “Oh, hush, Yamcha. Kenji is right and ChiChi should let him take her and the kids home. I have to get Trunks home myself. I don’t want him passing out from the heat.”  

 ChiChi was dumbfounded at Bulma. She couldn’t believe Bulma was leaving a stranger to take her and the kids home. She wished she didn’t accept Bulma’s offer to fly everyone here. Bulma was her ride home! “I’m sorry, but I can’t accept,” ChiChi refused Kenji. “I live very far from here.”

 “Oh, I know. I flew there with Yamcha once when you were pregnant.”

 He did? Yamcha visited a couple of times but she couldn’t recall when Yamcha’s friend visited but Gohan did.

 “Oh, I remember you! You were by your car when Yamcha talked to Mom and me. It was the first time Yamcha offered us tickets to his game.”

 “That was me,” Kenji grinned at Gohan, “though I remember you being a little shorter.”

 Yamcha offered, “I can take you home if you want, ChiChi.” Bulma smacked Yamcha on the back of his head. “Ow! What the hell, Bulma?!” Bulma grabbed Yamcha by his ear and pulled him out of the room. For several moments, all heard muffled screams from Bulma and Yamcha. It became suddenly quiet before Yamcha returned. “Sorry, ChiChi,” he apologized while glaring at Bulma. “I got plans with my girlfriend and Kenji does know the way. He’s a decent guy. You can trust him.”

 ChiChi didn’t know what was going on but her head suddenly throbbed. She was angry at Bulma’s pushiness and Yamcha’s cowardliness. What was going on with them? Kenji looked baffled, too, so whatever Bulma was thinking he didn’t know about. ChiChi wanted to yell but with the doctor watching her, he might send her to the hospital instead of letting her go home. “All right, Mr. Kenji. I accept.”

 “Call me, Kenji,” Kenji offered. “Should I call you Mrs. Son or ChiChi?”

 “ChiChi’s fine.” ChiChi rubbed her left temple. She didn’t care who took her home now as long as she left.

 Kenji handed his bag to Leska. “I have to finish dressing and talk to the press but I can be ready to leave in thirty minutes.”

 ****

 When Kenji offered ChiChi a change of clothes, ChiChi didn’t think it was a baseball jersey and shorts from the gift shop. The shorts revealed legs not seen by anyone except Goku in years. A few men including Yamcha did a double-take when she walked out. Kenji didn’t stare like the other men. He escorted ChiChi and the kids to his car without a comment on her looks.

 Kenji was true to his word with curbside pickup of food. ChiChi thought he only ordered food for her but he included the children, too. He even encouraged everyone to eat in his expensive car which made ChiChi nervous. She can eat without leaving stains but she worried about Goten.

 “I have enough money to get my car detailed,” Kenji eased ChiChi’s concerns. “I’ve eaten in this car before. There’s a two-hour drive to your home. Eat so it doesn’t get cold.” Famished and exhausted ChiChi reconciled Kenji was right. Besides, she was starving.  “Real food,” ChiChi moaned. She picked up a skewer of yakitori and ate. “This is delicious.”

 “Tori’s has the best food in town,” Kenji commented. “I eat from their menu every night.”

 “Every night?” ChiChi squinted her face as if she tasted something bitter. “This food is good but it’s not healthy to eat every night especially for an athlete.”

 “Only Mommy’s food is good to eat every night,” Goten blurted with a messy face.  

 From the corner of his eye, Kenji saw ChiChi eat ravenously. His previous dates and girlfriends were picky eaters. They were always afraid of putting on too much weight. ChiChi ate like a woman who could eat anything but put in the physical work to keep her body in shape. “Yamcha took me to Tori’s when I joined the team.”

 “Gohan,” ChiChi observed her children through the rearview mirror. “Wipe Goten’s face.” Keeping an eye on her sons, she asked, “How long have you and Yamcha known each other?”

 “Since my rookie year. Yamcha’s really popular. I was intimidated but Yamcha was always cool with everyone. One day, Yamcha had a really bad game. He struck out every time he went to bat; he couldn’t catch a ball in the field. After three games, Coach benched him. I figured something was wrong. So, I suggested we go to a bar and shoot some pool. We did that after every game for two weeks. I did all the talking but one day, Yamcha said his girlfriend dumped him and got pregnant with someone he hated.”

 Oh, boy. ChiChi knew that story. “Yes, that was a hard time for him.”

 “That woman in the room. That was Yamcha’s ex, wasn’t it?“ ChiChi didn’t say anything but Kenji got his answer. “I see. Anyway, I was popular on my baseball team in college and I had a reputation of being a ladies’ man. It wasn’t true.”

 “Why did they say that?”

 “When you’re hot, star athlete and a lot of girls wanna date you, things get said. When you get a girlfriend, other girls are trying to break you up so they can date you.” Kenji sighed. “It happens in the professional field, too.”

 “So, it takes a strong, confident woman to date you?” ChiChi figured.

 “Never thought of it like that but I guess so. Maybe that explains why my last three relationships didn’t last. No,” he corrected himself, “it wasn’t just that. When I was a rookie, I had a big contract and floods of beautiful women threw themselves at me. I was single and went with it but when I got a girlfriend, I was faithful but my reputation of dating a lot and being on the road added to her insecurities.”

 “It does take a strong woman to handle a relationship when her boyfriend or husband is away a lot. You need a strong foundation and really know your partner. It’s how Goku and I managed him being apart.”

 “Where do I find these strong women?” Kenji asked.

 This was funny. A celebrity wanted her advice on dating. “I’m not the person to ask. I’m just a Mom. Cooking, caring for my children, and taking care of my house are more in line with my skills.”

 She had a nice laugh, he thought but she was wrong thinking a homemaker is all her skills. “Were you and your husband apart before he…. you know.”

 “Yes. It was for two years.” Kenji’s wide-eyed stare made ChiChi giggle. It wasn’t funny then but looking at it now, ChiChi saw the humor. “My situation was different from yours but I knew Goku enough to know I have his heart. Find a woman like that and you don’t have to worry about her loyalty.”

 “Easier said than done,” Kenji murmured. “But I might be looking in the wrong place.”

 The conversation fell into a comfortable silence as ChiChi finished eating and doze off on the remainder of the drive. The children were enraptured with their gifts so that gave Kenji a chance to view ChiChi in the passenger side. She was already pretty with her hair pulled up and wearing long dresses but with her hair now down and in his jersey showing off sexy legs, she was stunning.

 When he first met her, ChiChi was a new widow and pregnant. He had a girlfriend so he didn’t entertain the idea of them dating. He just thought she was a pretty lady. She’s still pretty, single but so was he now. When he saw an attractive woman, he asked her out. That’s how his mind worked but this was different. The women he dated didn’t have kids. This one had two. She looked too young to have a child as old as Gohan. When did she start having babies? In her teens?

Kenji parked his air car in front of ChiChi’s house. She still slept so Kenji shook her arm. “ChiChi? I’m at your house.”

 ChiChi awakened slightly dazed. She panicked for a moment not recognizing Kenji before remembering she accepted his offer to take her home. “Sorry. I must’ve fallen asleep.”

 “You needed the rest after today.” Gohan and Goten were already out of his car. Gohan opened the door on ChiChi’s side. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you living so far away in these mountains? There are no streetlights or homes for at least twenty miles.”

 “My husband grew up here and he built our home.”

 That would explain it Kenji thought viewing the Son Family home. Looked small for a family of three to him. “Okay. Get your rest and I’ll drop Leska off at her home.”

 Gohan and Goten waited for ChiChi to leave Kenji’s car but she remained seated. “Thank you but no. Leska’s uncle will pick her up.”

“It’s okay,” Leska spoke up. “I call Uncle Aki on Kenji’s cell phone. You were sleeping but he’s okay with Kenji driving me home.”

 “Okay.” ChiChi reluctantly stepped out of the car. “You call as soon as you get home, Leska.”

 “I will,” the teen promised.

 “Listen. I know today wasn’t the best baseball experience so how about I invite everyone to another game?” Kenji offered. “Suite seats this time.”

 “Uhhh…..” Leska nodded her head hoping ChiChi say yes. Goten smiled okay with the offer. Gohan shrugged. He didn’t have an opinion. “Thank you but Yamcha has those seats reserved for us. If we come again, we’ll use those.” She bowed. “Thank you for taking my family home. Good night.”

 “Good night.” Kenji waited until ChiChi and her sons were in the house before driving off.

 ****

 “Just tell me why you’re interested in her?” Yamcha buttoned his shirt. “ChiChi’s pretty, but she has two kids. She’s older than you. You’ve dated models, actresses and musicians. She’s not your type.”

 Kenji rolled his deodorant under his arm. The game was over and the players were cleaning up and going home after another win. They had a day off tomorrow where Kenji wanted to talk to ChiChi but he wanted to let Yamcha know about it first. “She can’t be that much older. What is she? 28? 29?”

 “32.”

 Kenji shrugged. “Five years older. Doesn’t bother me and I don’t care she has two kids.”

 “I care.” Yamcha slammed his locker. “Goku was a good friend of mine. If you date ChiChi, two kids come with the package. You can’t date her without thinking about them. You end things and three people will be hurt.”

 Kenji pulled his shirt over his head. “I know it’s serious to date a single Mom but what’s wrong with dating her? So what she’s not the usual type I date. Maybe that’s why all my previous relationships didn’t work.”

 “ChiChi’s been through a lot. You’re one of the few people that know the truth about the Cell Game. She lost her husband in a violent way. As far as I know, she hasn’t dated anyone since he died. That’s how loyal and in love she is with Goku. If she falls for you and you break her heart, she’s gonna go through another heartbreak. She doesn’t need that.”

 Kenji understood that but the alternative didn’t sit right with him either. “No, but she doesn’t need to keep herself locked up and miss out on a second chance. She’s still young and pretty.” Kenji closed his locker. “I understand your concerns, Yamcha. If I were in your shoes, I’d act the same way but you know I’m a decent guy.”

 “I know.” Yamcha knew the ‘Ladies Man’ reputation wasn’t the real Kenji but he wasn’t comfortable with his friend dating the wife of a friend who is dead. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. ChiChi is really impressionable. Goku grew up in the wilderness and ChiChi’s sheltered, too. She thought I was in love with her because I knew her name. Goku didn’t know anything about girls when he got engaged to ChiChi. They were kids when it happened. ChiChi found him years later to remind him of his promise.”

 Judging from Yamcha’s expression, Kenji suspected it didn’t go over well. “What happened?”

 “Goku forgot and ChiChi was pissed. She eventually told him what he promised her but Goku thought ChiChi was offering him food. They got married anyway.” Now Kenji looked disturbed. “Sounds odd but they made it work. When Goku got sick, ChiChi was by his side night and day until he got well. Days before he died, he kicked his own son out of the house to be with ChiChi.”

 Kenji pocketed his phone, keys and wallet and followed Yamcha out of the locker room. “Despite their  unusually hookup, sounds like they were in love with each other.”

“Yup. Kenji, you’re a guy with experience. You’ve dated a lot of women and ChiChi’s not like those women. I worry if you show interest in her, she might be into you more than you are into her. It will hurt her harder if you break up with her.”

 “I think I understand.” This small insight into Goku and ChiChi left a strong impression on Kenji. “So, tell me more about her husband. I know Goku saved the world but what was he like?”

 ****

 “…..T……E….. N.”

 “And what does that spell?”

 Goten looked at the words. He chewed his lower lip carefully as he read and tried to pronounce. “S—s…on. G—go….. te….n. Go… ten. Goten.” Goten pointed to himself. “That’s my name.”

 ChiChi kissed his cheek. “Yes, that’s your name.”

 “Son Goten,” Goten repeated. “Son Goten.”

 “Mom, could you look at this math problem?”

 “Sure. Goten, write your name five times.”

 “Okay, Momma.”

 While Goten wrote his name, Gohan showed ChiChi his work. “I’m having trouble with number 8.”

 ChiChi read how Gohan tried to solve the problem and where he was stuck. “You have to use the FOIL method on this one. Also when you multiplied 3x times 5x you didn’t square it.”

 “Oh.” Gohan scratched his head sheepish. “Guess I forgot.”

 ChiChi rose at the sound of the doorbell. “Finish your problem and I’ll answer the door.” ChiChi opened the door surprised to see Kenji on the other side. “Oh…. hello.”

 Kenji chuckled. “You don’t remember me, do you?”

 Regretfully, she didn’t. “Sorry. I know you’re Yamcha’s nice friend who drove us home.”

 “Sato Kenji, but you can call me Kenji.”

 “Is something wrong with Yamcha?” ChiChi asked unsure why Kenji is here.

 “Oh, no. He’s fine. I came to see you.” As expected, ChiChi’s eyebrows rose. “May I come in?” There was hesitance in ChiChi’s eyes before she stepped aside and allowed him in. Goten and Gohan looked up from their work. Goten smiled and waved before going back to his assignment while Gohan stared curiously. “I see you’re busy so I’ll get to the point. I would like you to give me cooking lessons.”

 “What?”

“You told me the food I got from Tori’s is good but not the healthiest, and as an athlete, I need to keep in my best shape. This is a contract year for me and I really want to win the championship.”

 ChiChi didn’t see how she can help him. “Can’t you hire cooks to cook your food? You’re wealthy.”

“I am but I don’t like too many people in my personal space. Being famous, you have to be wary of a lot of people and it’s a process narrowing down who you can trust.”

 ChiChi pointed to herself. “And you trust me? We met once.”

 “Twice,” Kenji put up two fingers. “You live way out here in the mountains. You didn’t accept my offer to come to games in suite seats.” He could see it on her face. He was losing her. “I know what I am asking is time-consuming but I can pay you.”

 He was a fool, ChiChi thought. Only a fool would make this offer. “I don’t know what I can offer. I’m just a Mom.”

 “You’re more than that. You cooked for the man who saved us. Your food kept him in physical shape for years. That has to mean something.”

 Well, ChiChi smiled at that compliment, maybe Kenji wasn’t a complete fool. “I’m flattered. I really am but all I’ve done is cook healthy for my family.”

 “You did change Dad’s eating,” Gohan reminded ChiChi. “That might have delayed Dad’s heart virus.”

 “Right.” Kenji used that information to his advantage. “You’re exactly what I need. Can you please do that for me?”

 “I’m still not sure what I can do for you.”

 “Help me shop for food, suggest what meals I should eat. Provide meal prep options. If my team wins the championship, I’ll give you a bonus.” This time, ChiChi looked as if considering it. “I can pay you 3,000 zeni a week. That should cover the shopping list and meal plans.”

 3000 zeni? 3000 zeni a week will pay for her groceries with change left. If she took it, ChiChi will feel like a thief. Kenji offered to pay her too much. “That’s still a lot of money for a simple task.”

 “You fed the man who saved us from Cell. You’re very valuable. I know your worth. You should know yours, too.”

 He was a flatterer ChiChi realized and it was working. It would be nice to make her own money and not rely on her Dad. It was good pay for easy work. Why say no to that. “All right,” ChiChi gave in. “I’ll need to know food preferences; foods you hate and foods you’re allergic to. I’ll need to see your kitchen and what appliances you have and what you need to get.”

 Kenji inwardly cheered. ChiChi was on board. “Great. I have a game today, tomorrow and Sunday but I’m off Monday and Tuesday. Can we do everything then?”

 It sounded like a plan to ChiChi. Kenji handed ChiChi a piece of paper. “Here’s my number. If you need to ask me questions before we meet on Monday, feel free to call.”

 “I will.” As Kenji walked to the door, ChiChi told him. “You know, you didn’t have to come out here. My home is hours away from yours. Our number is listed. You could’ve called.”

 But that meant not seeing her and Kenji really wanted to see ChiChi again. “I think proposing a business idea should be face to face.” He smiled again. “Have a good weekend and I’ll see you Monday.”

 ChiChi looked at Kenji’s number. She smiled. How about that. She got herself a job. “Boys, your Momma has a job.”

 “You can’t have a job,” Goten kept writing his name. “You’re our Mommy.”

 “Mommy’s can have jobs, too, and the money I make will be good for all of us.”

 “How?” Goten asked.

 “There are things to buy for the house, clothes for you and your brother and lots of food.”

 Goten didn’t understand any of that. “If it makes you happy, I’m happy, Momma.”

 “I’m happy, too,” Gohan spoke from the window. He kept an eye out watching Kenji leave. “It sounds like a really good thing.” It really did but Gohan felt something didn’t feel right about this.

 ****

 While her sons slept that night, ChiChi called Kenji to learn if he had any allergies. She spent Sunday making a list. Monday morning, everyone was up early for the long flight to West City. Her truck would take all day so ChiChi borrowed Gyu-Mao’s airship and arrived in West City in two hours.

 Kenji lived on the top floor of an expensive condominium. ChiChi felt out of place as she walked in with her sons. The few people she saw were dressed in expensive clothes and giving her and her sons stares that made ChiChi feel self-conscious in her handmade dress. ChiChi pushed the negative thoughts aside as she ushered her sons in the elevator. She had a job and she was going to do her best. Like Kenji told her, she should know her worth.

 Kenji welcomed them openly. While Gohan and Goten sat at the kitchen bar doing schoolwork, ChiChi toured Kenji’s kitchen. She made a list of small appliances and kitchen supplies he needed. After making a list, everyone got in Kenji’s other vehicle, a big and spacious truck and drove to the store. Three hours were spent at three stores getting all the appliances, supplies and food Kenji needed. The rest of the day was spent with Kenji learning how to cook all the meals ChiChi prepared for him that week.

 It was after midnight when ChiChi returned home. Kenji offered them to stay the night but ChiChi declined feeling it would be unprofessional to stay in the home of her employer and a man she didn’t know. Goten was asleep when they left and Gohan fell asleep on the long drive home. Gohan was too big for her to carry in the house so she woke him up and he carried Goten in the house and offered to put Goten to bed. ChiChi was grateful for she was very tired but was pleased with the money she made. This job was for a short time but ChiChi thought if she can work until the end of the year plus the bonus Kenji offered, she might make enough money where she wouldn’t have to ask her Dad for money for an entire year. Every little bit helps especially since ChiChi hated asking her Dad for money and she needed money now for things other than food.

 She lived in this house for fourteen years and it was starting to show signs of wear and tear. She needed a new refrigerator. The truck needed new brakes. Aki offered to purchase and put in the brakes for free but ChiChi refused, saying she wanted to pay him for his service and the parts for the truck. With her first pay, she can do that.

 Kenji was very pleased with ChiChi’s help. He called the next day complimenting how delicious the recipes she recommended were. He arranged to meet again in a week and ChiChi promised more delicious recipes. He was so pleased ChiChi was surprised when a new refrigerator was delivered to her home. ChiChi mentioned needing a new refrigerator when they were in Kenji’s kitchen. Her current one was old and worn. ChiChi glued the handles several times due to Goku breaking it. Gohan and Goten had the same struggles, too. ChiChi wanted to return Kenji’s gift but he told her to consider it a bonus for her help.

 ChiChi accepted the bonus and used her first pay for brakes for the truck and clothes for Gohan and Goten.

 For the next two weeks, ChiChi, Gohan and Goten met Kenji on an off day. They went shopping and ChiChi helped him prepare his meals for the week. Despite ChiChi’s reluctance, Kenji bought things for Gohan and Goten. When they went shopping, Goten pointed at something he liked. ChiChi would tell him no but Kenji grabbed it and added to the cart anyway. It was slightly annoying he did it but reminiscent of Goku doing the same for Gohan when they shopped with him as a toddler. Since Goten never experienced that and she always said no, ChiChi let it slide.

 During the fourth meeting, Kenji called ahead and asked for the grocery list and recipes. ChiChi suspected he might have bought a few items on the list. Last week, they had to drive to two different stores for some special ingredients.

 “I can’t wait to play Mr. Kenji’s video games again,” Goten said when ChiChi pressed the doorbell.

 “After your lessons,” ChiChi reminded Goten. “But we might not be here long today. Kenji asked for the list earlier this week. I think he went shopping and I’ll be only helping him with cooking.”

 The door opened. ChiChi expected to see Kenji on the other side. What she didn’t expect to see was Kenji wet with a towel around his waist. The rippling muscles of his chest involuntarily flexed before her eyes.  “Oh!” ChiChi covered Goten’s eyes and turned away. “I’m sorry. Are we early?”

 “You’re on time. I woke up late. Come in.” Gohan stepped in but ChiChi walked slowly so she and Goten didn’t bump into anything. “Let me help you.” Kenji grabbed ChiChi’s free hand and pulled her into his condo. He walked her to his sofa. “I’m gonna finish drying off. I’ll be back.”

 Kenji returned ten minutes later still half-dressed. He walked in dressed in blue jeans with his red polo shirt and phone in his hand. “Sorry about that. I overslept because I went shopping after yesterday’s game.” He pulled his shirt over his head, flexing his chest muscles ever so slightly as he put his shirt on. “I cooked all night and prepped my food for the week.”

 ChiChi was confused. “Why didn’t you tell me this before I came here?”

 “I wanted to surprise you and instead of your lessons, I thought I could take your family to the amusement park in South City. It was nearly destroyed a few years ago but it’s been rebuilt.”

 Goten clutched ChiChi’s dress. “Ooo! I wanna go, Momma!”

 ChiChi felt slightly annoyed by the deception. Kenji could’ve called and asked but ChiChi knew she would decline. Now she felt blackmailed to say yes. “The boys have their lessons they were going to do while I help you cook. I won’t forgo their schoolwork for a trip to an amusement park.”

 “We can do them on the way to South City,” Gohan offered. He had his suspicions about Kenji but he was still a kid and liked the idea of going to an amusement park.      

 “That’s right,” Kenji was grateful for Gohan’s help. If he can get both sons to agree, then maybe ChiChi will change her mind. “I have an airship and it’ll take us three hours to get there. I have tickets where we won’t have to wait in line. Please?” Kenji pleaded. “Your family has given so much and I really want to thank Gohan, too. Yeah, Goku saved us but your son delivered the final blow.”

 ChiChi chewed her lower lip. She felt she was being conned but if Kenji deceived her for those reasons, she understood the deception. Goten kept pulling the skirt of her dress begging her to say yes and Gohan looked like he wanted this, too.

 “You two have a lot of work in your workbooks. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 “We’ll get them done,” Gohan promised. “I’ll help Goten and we’ll finish before we land.”

 Three pairs of eyes were on her. Kenji’s pleading didn’t have an effect but her sons’ eyes did her in. “Oh, all right but I’m checking your work when it’s done, and if it’s below 90, you’re not going to the amusement park.”

 Gohan and Goten shocked ChiChi with perfect scores on all their assignments. She kept her promise and allowed her sons to go to the amusement park. It was crowded but thanks to Kenji’s special tickets, they were at the front of the line for each ride.  

Gohan went on all the adult rides by himself or with Kenji while Goten, as much as he wanted to go with Gohan, was stuck with all the kiddy rides with ChiChi. Kenji coaxed ChiChi on a few adult rides while Gohan watched Goten. It took three rides before ChiChi loosened up and enjoyed herself. She hadn’t been on a rollercoaster in years and the last time she rode, it was with Goku. It wasn’t the same screaming and clutching the rides without Goku but it was fun with Kenji.

 Kenji’s fame followed him in South City. Several times he stopped to sign baseballs and take pictures with several women flirting with him in front of ChiChi. ChiChi shook her head several times at the awful attempts of flirting. She laughed out loud at the evil eyes she got. If these women thought she was intimidated by that……

 “So,” ChiChi began as she watched Gohan trying to shoot a basketball in the hoop. If he got three out of five in, he’d win a prize and Gohan wanted to win one for Goten. The first ball hit the backboard. “Is that what your exes dealt with when you’re out together?”

 “Yeah.” Kenji hated the evil eyes ChiChi received but she took the wicked looks in stride. Kenji never experienced that type of confidence from any of the women he dated. All the women he dated took it out on him for the wicked looks they received. “Sorry about that.”

 ChiChi winced as the second ball bounced off the rim. “I think it’s hilarious the women see me as competition.”

 “Why? Don’t you think you’re pretty enough to be on my arm?”

 “I know I’m pretty,” ChiChi was self-conscious as the next woman on certain things but not with her looks. “But this isn’t a date. I’ve been through this with Goku. We used to have date nights early in our marriage. I saw women looking at me but Goku never looked at them.”

 “Because you had his heart,” Kenji repeated what ChiChi told him weeks ago.

 “Exactly. Goku never looking gave me confidence in myself and our relationship.”

 Before Gohan could try a third shot, Kenji took the basketball from Gohan. He adjusted Gohan’s pose and instructed him how to shoot a basketball. Sports outside martial arts wasn’t his expertise but Gohan was a good listener and followed instructions well. Gohan took the basketball, repeated Kenji’s pose and tossed the ball. It entered the hoop.

 “Yay, Gohan!” Goten cheered.

 Kenji praised him on his shot but gave him more advice. Gohan repeated and shot another ball in the hoop. Feeling his confidence growing, Gohan made the final shot.

 Goten jumped up and down excitedly. “Big Brother, you did it!”

 Gohan picked up Goten and let him choose the prize. ChiChi looked at Kenji admirably. All the frustrations and doubts she had about coming here melted with Kenji helping Gohan. He didn’t yell or hit him like Piccolo did to Gohan. He didn’t go easy on Gohan as Goku did. He saw the frustration in Gohan at his missed baskets. He spoke firmly but calmly and with confidence Gohan can do this. Gohan listened, believed in his words and made the shots.

 That made ChiChi happy.

 Kenji wasn’t her type but ChiChi thought he was a good man who will make some woman very happy. She stepped to Kenji and whispered. “If your past girlfriends didn’t notice your worth, it’s their lost. They weren’t worthy of you. Find a worthy woman and be happy.”

 ChiChi stepped away and joined her sons. Watching ChiChi happy with her family, Kenji wondered if he found his worthy woman.

 It was after 11pm when Kenji returned ChiChi, Gohan and Goten to West City. Gohan and Goten slept on the way back from South City. Gohan woke up when they returned but Goten still slept as ChiChi settled him in the backseat of her truck. Gohan was awake and settling all the toys won and merchandise purchased in the trunk.

 “It’s been a long day and you have a long drive home. If you don’t want to sleepover at my place I can put everyone in a hotel.”

 “We’ll be fine,” ChiChi declined Kenji’s kind offer. “Gohan slept on the way back and he’s wide awake, so if I get sleepy, Gohan will keep me up.”

 “Just call me when you get home. That way I’ll know you arrived home safe.”

 “Yes, Dad,” ChiChi teased. She and Kenji jumped at the sudden slam of the trunk as Gohan closed it. “Gohan, be careful. I just got new brakes for the truck. I don’t need a new trunk, too.”

 “Sorry,” Gohan apologized, “but we need to leave, Mom. It’s really late.”

 “I know. Come say goodbye to Kenji and thank him for today.”

 Gohan bowed before Kenji. “Thank you for today, Kenji. I had a lot of fun.”

 “You’re wel---” he broke off. Gohan walked off and jumped in the passenger side of the truck. That was abrupt. “Guess he’s ready to go.”

 “It has been a long day.” ChiChi bowed. “Thank you for today. My sons enjoyed it. I had my concerns but it was a nice surprise.”

 “It wasn’t just your sons. You enjoyed it, too.” Kenji wouldn’t let ChiChi leave without admitting that. “You had fun ramming into me in the bumper cars.”

 ChiChi giggled. That was fun. All of it actually. From the rollercoasters, the arcade games Kenji showed her how to play, the bumper cars and the stuffed bear Kenji won for her, ChiChi enjoyed herself. “I did have fun, but I’m happy my sons had a good time. They don’t usually do things like this except twice a year with their Grandpa. Gohan did this with Goku but Goten never had this experience.” She checked on Goten inside the truck. He slept clutching one of the stuffed toys Kenji won for him. “Sometimes I think I spoil him but I want to do things differently with Goten. Gohan never had as much fun as him. I didn’t want to make that mistake with Goten.”

 Kenji looked over ChiChi at Gohan. He sat in the passenger seat watching them. Gohan was in a good mood all day. He encouraged ChiChi to let them come to South City. Kenji felt he and Gohan bonded when he taught him basketball but now Gohan seemed cranky. What happened? “Gohan’s a serious kid.”

 “He’s been through a lot. Some things were beyond my control but he’s in a better spot now.” Feeling this was delving into business not Kenji’s, ChiChi decided to wrap up their talk. “Thank you for the work and money. I appreciate it. It helped a lot. All I can do now is hope you win the championship so I get my bonus.”

 Kenji raised an eyebrow slightly amused. “Sounds like you’re quitting.”

 ChiChi met his amused eyes with confusion. Quitting? Her job is over. ChiChi assumed it was when Kenji surprised her today. “You shopped for food and cooked all of it by yourself. You don’t need my assistance anymore. I can still send you ideas for meals but you can do that without me, too.”

 “I could, but I’m not sure if I want to.”  Only now Kenji saw the flaw in his plans for today. He didn’t expect ChiChi to end their working relationship so suddenly but that was how ChiChi saw this. She missed so many signals it was laughable and endearing but it put the ball in his court. He had to be bold in letting ChiChi know what he wanted.  

 “If this is the end of our professional relationship, how about we start a personal one?” ChiChi’s eyebrows went up and her kissable lips parted. “I’m attracted to you, ChiChi. I think you are a beautiful woman and a lovely mother with two sons I’d liked to be friends with. I’d like to get to know you more.”

 For several moments, ChiChi stared at Kenji. Kenji’s attracted to her? He wanted to date her and get to know her sons? When did this attraction develop?

 “I always thought you were a pretty lady,” Kenji admitted. “Even when you were pregnant with Goten but I didn’t entertain the thought of pursuing you. I was with someone else and you were a new widow but since we’ve met again, you’ve been a widow for years and I’m single and still find you attractive, I can’t help but think this is fate.”

 Fate?! “I….. I……” ChiChi stammered. “I’m flattered but…..”

 “I know you love your husband and I’m not trying to replace him in your heart or take his place as Gohan and Goten’s father. I can’t but I’d like a chance to date you and see where it goes.” Kenji squeezed her hand. “Think about it and maybe you can give me a slow yes instead of a fast no.”

 Kenji released ChiChi’s hand and walked away. Why didn’t she refuse him? She’s done it in the past but during those times, she was married or waiting for Goku to marry her.

 Goku wasn’t in the picture to be a natural block anymore.

  ****

 “I cannot believe you didn’t give him an answer!”

 “What should have I said?”

 “YES!”

 ChiChi, Bulma and 18 were at ChiChi’s house. 18 stood in the living room in her presumptive wedding dress. They were a week from the wedding and this was the final fitting for 18’s dress before ChiChi adjusted it.

 ChiChi preferred to keep Kenji’s request a secret from Bulma and 18. 18 knew about the work ChiChi did for Kenji but when Bulma visited today to discuss the catering for the wedding, she noticed the new refrigerator and asked about it. It led to ChiChi to confess working for Kenji and after a few prods and pushes from Bulma, she told them Kenji confessed his feelings for her. 18 was wary but Bulma was all for it.

 “ChiChi, a young, rich handsome man wants you. You don’t say no to that. You’re lucky to get that kind of attention.”

 18’s laser gaze went unnoticed by Bulma but she heard the anger in ChiChi’s voice when she asked, “What does that mean?!”

 “Nothing bad. Geez, ChiChi, you gotta stop being so offended when I give constructive criticism. Maybe you thought no other guy will look at you because you’re in your 30s and have two kids---”

 “You’re older than me,” ChiChi pointed out.

 “But I look younger and I have a man.” Bulma missed 18’s eye roll. “This is your chance to have another relationship. Don’t you miss having sex? Don’t you want Goten to experience having a Dad?”

 “Whoa!” 18 nearly lost her balance when ChiChi brushed past her to Bulma.

 “Who are you to say what my son should experience?!” ChiChi screamed. “I give my son everything he needs! Goten is very happy and my father does a damn good job being a male influence for him!!”

 Bulma stood her ground. “Goten is happy with the life you gave him but he’s never had a Dad and never experienced the happiness Gohan had with Goku. This is your chance to give this to Goten and what about Gohan? He’s growing up and needs a strong male influence.”

 The words felt like a slap. “Is Trunks happy with Vegeta?” ChiChi fired back. “You complain about Vegeta all time on what he doesn’t do. Has he hugged Trunks yet? Is he working? Does he do anything besides hide in that gravity room?!”

 “He’s there. That’s important and it’s a lot more than what Goten and Gohan have right now. Be angry all you want but you know I’m right!”

 18 stepped between the fiery women. “That’s enough.” To Bulma, she said, “You need to work on your tact.” To ChiChi, she said, “I normally don’t agree with Bulma but she has a point. What’s wrong in going out with Kenji and seeing if something is there? I wasn’t sure about Krillin but I took a chance. Now we’re getting married and having a baby, and before you say Goku,” 18 warned, “don’t forget you were enjoying this attention from Kenji.”

 “I was not!”

 “The hell you weren’t.” Bulma was not letting ChiChi get away with this innocent act. “You are the toughest woman I know. If you don’t want to do something, you won’t. If you don’t like something, you’ll say it but you let Kenji buy for you and your kids. You let him fly you to South City when you could’ve said no and went home. Deep down, you loved the attention he lavished on you and deep down you knew he had feelings for you but you pretended it wasn’t there until you couldn’t deny it anymore.”

 “She’s right,” 18 agreed with Bulma. “I suspected he had a crush since the baseball incident.”

 “So did I,” Bulma grinned. “That’s why I stopped Yamcha from taking you home. ChiChi,” Bulma put her arms around her, “you’ve been alone for so long. I understand you want to be faithful to Goku, but he’s gone. It’s okay to have feelings for someone else and pursue a relationship.”

 Cooling down, ChiChi accepted Bulma and 18 mean well. They weren’t coming from a place of malice. “Maybe deep down I suspected but I didn’t want to admit it.” It’s been three days since Kenji confessed his feelings and ChiChi looked back on everything that deemed suspicious. From the day Kenji offered her a job, it was a ruse to get to know her better. It was flattering but she couldn’t accept it. “I love Goku and I don’t want anyone else. Kenji will understand that.”

 Bulma didn’t agree with this. “Have you called him to tell him that?”

 “I don’t have to. My silence is no. It’s been three days but I think after a week, he’ll understand.”

 ****

 “Seven…. eight… nine…. ten. Ten, Gohan.”

 “That’s correct. There are ten chairs, Goten.”

 It was the day of Krillin and 18’s wedding. No clouds were in the sky and the weather wasn’t too warm. Gohan held Goten’s hand as they walked on the beach and checked the seating. The guests were inside waiting for the ceremony to start. 17 and Yamcha were the only guests not here. When Krillin extended an invitation to Piccolo and Dende, he only expected Dende to come but he was happy Piccolo came, too.

 Krillin stepped out of the house. He was dressed in white pants and a crisp white button-down shirt. He wore a sea blue corsage that matched the color of his tie. He strolled to Gohan and Goten who counted the seats. “Why are you hiding out here, Gohan?”

 “I’m not hiding. It’s a little crowded with Vegeta and Bulma’s parents in there.”

 “I can’t believe Vegeta actually came. I hope he behaves but Bulma promised he will be civil.” Krillin looked at his watch. “Where is Yamcha? I need a referee in case it gets messy between 17 and Vegeta.”

 “It’s my sister’s wedding day,” 17 coolly spoke as he stepped from the back of the house. “I won’t ruin her day.”

 “17.” Krillin rubbed his neck awkwardly as his future brother-in-law approach. How he wished 17 didn’t hear him. “Nice you came. I didn’t know you were here.”

 “Thanks to Dr. Gero, you never can.” 17 looked down at Goten who smiled at him. “And this must be Goten. 18 told me about you.”

 “Hi!” Goten waved. “I’m Son Goten!”

 “Cute kid. Is my sister almost ready?” he asked Krillin. “I have to give her away.”

 “ChiChi’s helping her upstairs. Ceremony should start in 15 minutes.” 17 entered the home just as Krillin saw an air car flying towards them. “Guess that’s Yamcha but why is he flying in his car?”

 18 rubbed her stomach as she stood in front of the full-length mirror. She wore a sea blue rose in her hair, nude lipstick and light foundation. ChiChi made sure the dressing was flowing to conceal her pregnancy. Just three months and barely showing, 18 hadn’t announced her pregnancy yet. Only Bulma, ChiChi, Master Roshi, Gohan and Krillin knew. She passed the stage of miscarriage and though 18 was still concerned she agreed with Krillin to announce it after the wedding.

 “You can’t tell?”

 “Since I know, yes, but no one else will. Just a few more moments and you can tell everyone.”

 Though maid of honor and not meant to outshine the bride, ChiChi looked stunning in her sea blue halter dress. The fitted dress accentuated her strong arms, legs and bustline. ChiChi kept her makeup to a minimum like the bride with light foundation and red lipstick. Instead of hair in a tight bun, ChiChi wore a top knot with her normally straight hair in loose curls. For jewelry, ChiChi kept it simple wearing her and Goku’s wedding bands in a necklace. It has been kept locked away since Goku died, but events with Kenji convinced her she needs to wear these to show any suitor she wasn’t interested in them.

 A light knock tapped her door. “Brother of the bride ready to escort.”

 ChiChi opened the door. 17 stood on the other side wearing a charming smile. He dressed in a similar style like Krillin except he wore black pants and a blue silk shirt. “Hello,” his eyes liked what he saw. “Who are you?”

“Son ChiChi. Son Goku’s wife. The man you tried to kill.”

 17 smirked as his eyes roamed ChiChi’s appearance. It was the first time he met ChiChi. He heard of her from 18 but aside from meeting Krillin a handful of times, he has kept himself away from everyone. “Nothing personal,” he flirted. “Never thought Son Goku had an---”

 “Stop,” 18 warned him. “She’s my friend and not into you.”

 “Spoilsport.” 17 leaned against a wall. “I still think you can do better than Krillin but you look good.”

 18 picked up her bouquet. “Still can’t admit you were wrong.”

 “Well,” 17 thought it over, “he can make you smile. That’s a rare thing so he’ll do until you upgrade.”

 18 half rolled her eyes at her brother’s teasing. This was as far she will get of 17 approving of Krillin.

 “Mom?” Gohan called from the door.

 ChiChi opened the door slightly where her head poked out. Goten looked happy but Gohan looked annoyed. “What’s wrong?”

 “Mr. Kenji is outside and he wants to talk to you.”

 “What?!”

“Is everything okay?” 18 asked.

 ChiChi closed the door. She stood against it with a curious 17 and concerned 18 looking on. “It’s Kenji. He’s here.”

 “My silence is no,” 18 teased her. “I knew he wouldn’t give up so easily.”

 “Who’s Kenji?” 17 asked but ChiChi left without answering.

 ChiChi felt all eyes on her once she descended the stairs. When Kenji saw her, he smiled and her heart thudded nervously. It wasn’t because of him she told herself. It was the thought of everyone’s eyes on her and wondering why this man, who is not her husband, wanted to see her.  

 “Wow.” Kenji’s eyes gleamed as he looked her over from head to toe. “You look amazing. I’m glad I came.”

 “Why are you here?”

 Kenji opened his mouth to speak but he noticed everyone looking at them with piqued interest. “Let’s talk outside.”

 ChiChi didn’t argue against that. With all eyes on them, ChiChi knew questions were forming in their minds the moment Kenji touched her bare back while ushering her outside. They walked to the side of the house with no windows so no one can listen in on their conversation.  

 “Why are you here?” ChiChi repeated.

 “I haven’t seen you in ten days and I got a little nervous. I thought your silence meant no,” he admitted with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m not used to being on this side, but when Yamcha told me you might be too busy to give an answer because of this wedding, I realized you were too busy to answer. I also realized it wouldn’t be right if you went to a wedding alone. So, here I am.”

 If Kenji thought that would make ChiChi happy, it didn’t. It made her angry. “You could’ve come to my home at any time but you came today to steal the thunder on my friend’s wedding day! You’re so arrogant you’ve had multiple women fawn over you, you can’t stand the idea of waiting or maybe a woman isn’t interested in you! If you think this act impressed me, it didn’t! It pissed me off!”  

 ChiChi expected Kenji to cover his ears and cringe; to step away and never bother her again. Her yelling was something only Goku can handle while his friends hated it. Instead, Kenji stood there and let her yell at him. He didn’t react at all. He stared and stared…..

 And suddenly smiled.

 Oh no.

 “Wow!” Kenji breathed as his whole face lit up. “You’re hot when you’re angry.”

 Your anger boils my blood.

 ChiChi felt a blush flame up over her face as she recalled her late husband saying similar words.

 It went unnoticed by Kenji. “I’m not trying to steal your friend’s thunder. I just wanted to see you and jumped at the chance when Yamcha told me about this wedding. I didn’t come empty handed. I brought a gift for them.”

 His eyes made ChiChi nervous. She knew what a man thought when he looked at a woman the way Kenji looked at her now. Goku gave her similar looks and she welcomed it but this time….. “Don’t kiss me.”

 “Carnal thoughts about me again?” Kenji joked. “I’m flattered. Now I know the feelings between us are mutual.”

 “I didn’t say that!”

 “No.” The sudden change in Kenji’s voice was alarming. He no longer joked. He was serious as his eyes gazed into hers. “But I wish you did.” His eyes lowered as something caught his eyes. “Your rings?” Kenji enquired as his hand grasped the necklace around ChiChi’s neck. Two wedding bands were attached to a gold chain. “In the weeks we’ve spent together, I never saw your wedding band or this necklace. When did you start wearing this?”

 The weeks they spent together? He made it sound like it was an affair! “It’s not your business.”

 “No,” Kenji agreed it wasn’t, “but I think you’re trying to send a message to yourself or you’re trying to convince yourself of something you’re struggling with.” Kenji touched ChiChi’s face. He caressed her right cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Your loyalty is admirable, ChiChi, but is it worth the sacrifice?”

 “Ahem.”

 ChiChi blessed the higher power who saved her from answering but in that same second she cursed it when she realized her interruption came from Vegeta.

 Part 35:  Waiting For You: Part Two

 AN: Yes, I know I threw a twist not showing Goku and Kimani. There are in the next chapter. This one was getting too long. I had to split it.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

hi! I really love this blog,and your opinion about HT losing Mo was amazing as always! and it made me want to know how it would be if it's other boys?like,Mo losing HT?Jian losing Zhan?

Hello, dear anon!

Before anything else, I’m sorry to have kept your ask waiting for so long. It seems I needed a specific mood to answer this question, and it took a while. Thank you for your patience!

Secondly, I’m happy you have enjoyed the content and my mullings. Thank you! It’s always nice to hear my scribblings have reached someone.

Writing that answer about HT losing MGS was fun but challenging, and it seems like this “follow-up” was no different. Here are some previous posts that I think are worth checking out regarding this topic:

What if HT lost MGS? (the ask you referred to)

Long-distance relationship - Zhanyi vs. Tianshan

What if HT disappeared for 3 years?

19 Days - what if, feat. Picrew (bonus fun! I hope...)

Just like with HT losing MGS, there are some variables that make these kinds fo scenarios a bit tricky. For this, I will stick to two main ones:

A lost B without knowing what happened to them

A lost B knowing that they’re gone for good (dead).

Probably needless to say but...angst warning. Let’s get started!

If MGS lost HT

I think this scenario is probably the “easiest” one to begin with. Not to make MGS sound heartless but if he lost HT, I think his life would continue pretty much the same. Regardless of whether it’s the first or second possibility. I think how MGS could react to HT being gone has already been shown both in the current timeline and in the Christmas specials that took place in the future. MGS kept moving (school, work, daily routines), and his life didn’t really come to a screeching halt.

However, all that being said, that’s just what’s on the surface. MGS’s life didn’t perhaps get off balance, but we know he was...if not worried, then at least curiously concerned about HT’s whereabouts. Especially when he disappeared after the fight and went to see his father. In the Christmas specials, MGS seemed surprised when HT suddenly showed but also - dare I say - a bit relieved? In the same way than when HT showed up at his place, practically sleeping on his feet. To me, MGS’s “you came back” is a sign of relief and that he was worried and concerned.

Those cases I think come close to how I see MGS would react if HT disappeared or if MGS knew he was gone for good. I think his life would move on, as cold as that might sound. He would keep working long hours, earn whatever money he can, and continue to make his way in the world. I doubt he would actively go looking for HT or that his life would get off its rails in a way that would leave him completely lost.

But that is not to say HT not being there anymore wouldn’t affect MGS. I think he would feel that quiet, under-the-surface kind of worry or grief (depending on the situation). If he didn’t hear from HT for a long time, MGS would be worried and anxious. Somewhere deep down, he would be waiting for him to show up or contact him. Maybe even believe that he’s such a troublesome guy, there’s no way he’s just going to leave MGS alone after all this time. Maybe there would be little gestures that give away his worry: checking his phone, keeping his routine regular, leaving a little light on for nights, waking up to sounds at night. Maybe he could ask if JY or ZZX have heard anything about him.

If MGS knew that HT was dead, I think his grief would be somewhat similar. He would get through the day and keep moving, but when he was alone, thoughts about HT could creep into his mind. Maybe when he’s taking a smoke break by himself, when he’s cooking dinner for himself, or when he’s lying in bed and waiting for sleep to come...maybe that’s when the memories come. He might insist on trying to bury HT out of his mind but can’t fight it anymore when he’s alone and it’s quiet. His grief would probably be mixed with anger a lot. He would be angry with HT for getting himself killed and leaving him alone. He had no right to do that after getting through MGS’s defenses and making him actually care about the bastard. But the anger would always fade away after a while, and only grieve that slumped his shoulders would remain.

Then get back to work, fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Rinse and repeat.

It would be interesting to wonder if MGS’s mother would pick up on anything. Could she worry about him? Could MGS tell her about HT and what he had meant to MGS?

In a way, I could also see MGS being grateful for HT and not want to mess up what he had helped MGS achieve. He had given MGS a chance in life and kept him away from making stupid choices. Maybe he wouldn’t be thankful in so many words but perhaps he would work hard as a thank you for HT and his memory.

If ZZX lost JY

To be honest, I’m less confident in my thoughts when it comes to Zhanyi. They don’t quite “talk” to me in the same way as Tianshan. Overall, I think Zhanyi is the “soulmate” type of relationship that goes very deep into their characters. It’s difficult to tell where they themselves end and their relationship with the other one starts. They’re their own characters but struggle to exists without the other one there in their life. Where MGS’s life would at least seemingly continue without HT, I think it would be quite different for Zhanyi.

Zhanyi has always been heavy on the rhetoric of “promises”, and one of those promises was ZZX’s urge to protect JY. Be it a bully at school or fully trained mafia bodyguard, ZZX would step between them and JY. He wants to become a grownup and stronger, so he can keep JY safe.

If JY disappeared, ZZX would no doubt be devastated and anxious. However, what he could do about things would depend on his age. If he’s still in high school, I don’t imagine there’s that much he can do. The most he probably can is to rely on people like HT for help and resources. Of course, that is not to say he wouldn’t do whatever he could to find JY. He wouldn’t stop trying until he had gotten to him, and his promise would be his driving force.

If ZZX was an adult, I think OX’s official illustration of him in a police officer’s uniform opens up interesting possibilities.

That line of work would fit him very well, and it would give him proper tools and resources to try and track down JY. I could also see that road taking a darker tone. ZZX could become obsessed with finding JY and somewhat isolate himself from others. He does his job well and is a reliable coworker but he’s not exactly a social butterfly. He could be conducting his own investigations outside of work. He could even chase down JY’s ghost for the rest of his life, and it would consume him.

If ZZX knew JY was dead...Hmm. I think we can all agree that ZZX is one of the mentally strongest characters in the comic, but if he lost JY for good like that, something in him might just break. Imagine losing someone who’s always been in your life and has become irreplaceable to you. Not only would he be crushed by grief but I bet guilt and regret would be eating him up as well. He had promised to protect JY and keep him safe but he hadn’t been strong enough.

In short, I think ZZX would be left with this gaping hole in his heart for the rest of his life. It would shrink with time but probably never fully close up.

Would he eventually move on with his life, though? Would he get married and have kids? I could see both scenarios happen. I could picture him having a family at some point, but perhaps there was always something in him that even his wife can’t quite reach. He would care for her, be a good husband and a father, but sometimes...he’s not quite there with them. Then again, I think it could also go the other way. ZZX also strikes me as someone who wouldn’t want to commit another person in a relationship with him if he can’t be fully theirs in his heart. It wouldn’t fair to the other person.

If JY lost ZZX

JY is probably the biggest mystery to me in this regard. He would most definitely be devastated just like ZZX but I’m quite not sure what direction his character would take from there.

If ZZX disappeared, I think there’s very little question about what JY would do. He would be the first one out the door with a barely thought-out plan. Someone would have to keep him from doing anything stupid and getting himself in trouble. Being held back would make JY anxious and restless, and he could try something reckless on his own. The longer it takes to find ZZX, the more desperate JY would become. But it would also be mixed with his sense of “I am too weak to do anything about this”. And that feeling would get stronger and stronger.

Would JY ever give up on finding ZZX? To be honest, I don’t know. On one hand, I want to say that he would never stop looking for him. But on the other hand, I can also picture the fight leaving him at some point and he submits to the cold, hard facts of reality. Probably forced by someone else. It would be heartbreaking to see him lose his usual positive momentum.

If JY knew ZZX had died, I’m honestly not sure where his character would go from there. It could be something similar to ZZX’s reaction; he would never be quite the same anymore. With JY, it could even go further perhaps. Maybe he could lose most of his cheerful, sunny disposition to the shadow of never being with ZZX ever again. As much as JY had always loved life, the world around him could lose its interest to him and he could turn more towards himself. Inwards, in a way. I’m really not sure but overall, I think moving on from losing ZZX would be harder for JY than the other way around.

There are a lot of ifs and maybes in there, and many things I didn’t even try to take into account (trauma, more specific circumstance, etc.). Interesting possibilities to keep building on this!

Thank you for your question, dear anon!

[travllingbunny]

The 100 rewatch: 1x06 His Sister’s Keeper

I’m a new fan of The 100, who first binged it last year, August to November. This is my first full rewatch of the show. I was planning to start it anyway and finish it before the season 6 premiere on April 30, and when I saw that Fox Serbia was airing a rerun (Monday to Friday, 40 min. after midnight, with repeats the next day), starting on 1st February, it was a great opportunity to start my rewatch in HDTV on my beautiful new TV. I decided to do write-ups and tag other fans on SpoilerTV website, as I did when I was first watching the show. But my posts turned into full blown essays. So, finally, after over a week, I’ve realized: Why don’t I post them on my Tumblr blog, too? I’ll copy my write-ups of the first 7 episodes, and then I’ll post my rewatch posts after I watch each episode. (The next one, 1x08, is on Monday’Tuesday.)

Spoilers below for all 5 seasons of the show. I go of on a tangents and make a lot of references to future events.

Rating: 8/10

Flashbacks to characters' past on the Ark are always one of my favorite things. i wish we'd get more of them. So far, IIRC, there's just been 3 episodes with flashbacks - 1x03, this one, and Join or Die in season 3. They really did a good job making both Bob and Marie look younger in the flashbacks. I do think that telling a 6 year old child it's his responsibility to take care of his sister is messed up, but on the other hand, what choice did Aurora Blake have? I can't judge her for it, since she was in a terrible situation, and it's the Ark system that's to blame for it all. And I've seen people hate on Aurora way too much. Some even go as far as to bring up that terrible "poor people should not have kids" argument, which is awful (classism, eugenics..). . (Another mini-rant upcoming) Speaking of weird things I've seen said in the fandom, I was really puzzled to learn that a lot of people did not realize Bellamy and Octavia have different fathers, and act like that's a big surprise, or that I've even seen people say that "the show never gave indication that they were half-siblings"?? WTF? The show never gave any indication that they were anything but half-siblings. For starters, I don't know why those two being full siblings would be anyone's default assumption, or why some people apparently think that women can't conceiving children with more than one man in their lifetime and that half-siblings are such a weird, rare and unheard of thing? But once you've seen this episode, the probability that they have the same father becomes microscopic. They're 6 years apart, there is no father in sight when Octavia is born, no one ever mentions a father, and Aurora is not in a regular relationship with anyone at the time Octavia is born. If Octavia's father died or was floated, it would have happened very recently, and they would have certainly mentioned it. In fact, I think that they would have definitely mentioned it if either of them knew they had a father who had been floated. I'm not sure what the deal was with Bellamy's father, whether Aurora had a serious relationship with him, whether he was around when Bellamy was very little and what happened to him (but even if he was in the picture at any point, he clearly couldn't have been around much, because Bellamy never mentions him), but in case of Octavia's father, he's clearly not in the picture and it's almost certain Octavia doesn't even know who he is. The two biggest revelations of the flashbacks were: that Octavia was discovered when Bellamy tried to let her have a life, for the first time, by taking her to see the Moon through the window and taking her to the dance to have fun and meet people; and that Shumway was the one who made Bellamy shoot Jaha in exchange for a place on the dropship. Not the greatest mystery The 100 has done - it was always going to be one of the few notable characters on the Ark, it was getting obvious it was not Kane, Diana hasn't even been introduced at this point, and the show never made the whole Jaha - Diana conflict remotely interesting or meaningful. Just how awful would have the lives of the Blake siblings been if they had spent their lives on the Ark? Octavia would have probably never met anyone other than her mother and her brother, never had a chance to have any kind of life except hiding. And Bellamy would have probably never had a real romantic relationship or a close friend (I always assumed he never had any of those on the Ark, because he kept people at a distance), never giving himself a chance to have a family of his own other than his sister, because of having to keep such a huge secret from everyone. Re: the Earth/present part of 1x06, it takes place fully on Earth (which was such a relief for me at the time, because at this point, I was sick of the Ark and hated pretty much every major character there other than Abby) and it's mostly about Bellamy taking a group of Delinquents (including Finn, who was asked to come as a tracker, and a bunch of kids who volunteered) to find Octavia, who was caught saved by Lincoln at the end of 1x05. One of the kids who volunteers is Jasper, the others include Bellamy's FwB Roma, John Mbege, some kid named Diggs, and Monroe (her first appearance). Three of those are redshits that end up killed by the Grounders. The rest almost meet the same fate, if Octavia hadn't asked Lincoln to help save her brother, so he used the signal horn to send a fake warning about the acid fog. which of course had the Grounders running away. I've seen a theory that Bellamy stopped sleeping around (minus that thing with Raven later in S1) because he felt guilty over Roma's death, because, as he says, she only joined the rescue party because of him. It may also be the turning point where he notably starts caring more about all of the Delinquents and not just his sister. As for the scenes with Lincoln and Octavia... eh. Lincoln will get much better writing and become one of my favorite characters in season 2, but in season 1, they were writing him really poorly. He was clearly meant to be mysterious and give the wrong first impression as a scary dangerous dude, which is why he doesn't talk until the very end of 1x07. But that doesn't actually make sense - there's no reason whatsoever, if he's already helping Octavia and doing things not sanctioned by the other Grounders, that he couldn't just talk to her and explain the situation, rather than chaining her up in the cave after healing her. The B subplot is again the love triangle. Or to be fair, the development of the relationship between Clarke and Raven, which is not just about the love triangle. Clarke reveals the info about the shelter to Raven (which Finn is not happy about) and they go together to search for things Raven could use to fix the radio with and contact the Ark. They have a conversation about their mothers, too. Clarke is still very angry at her mother because she blames her for her father's death, but won't talk about it, while Raven thinks Abby is awesome and wishes she had a mother like that, comparing her to her own alcoholic, neglectful mothers. We also learn more about Finn's role in her life - they knew each other as children, and he was the neighborhood boy who was giving her things and helping her survive. Which is consistent with Finn's character - he's always focusing on the girl he's in love with, doing everything for her and doing everything to make sure she feels that she needs him. 

Then Raven figures out that Clarke and Finn had hooked up, because she found the origami deer and she's smart, and confronts Clarke about it I don't like the way Raven is catty to Clarke here, as opposed to the fact that she later doesn't confront Finn about it (until much later, when she realizes he's in love with Clarke). I always hate it when women blame only the "other woman", but not their own boyfriend/husband who's the one who cheated. But, again, I love the fact that Clarke absolutely doesn't do the "catty and fighting for a guy" thing. Instead, she points out that she didn't know about Raven.,but also tries to smooth things between Raven and Finn by pointing out that they thought Raven and everyone on the Ark would soon be dead and they would never see them again. This is, however, way, way too generous to Finn, because he was flirting with Clarke already on the dropship and pursued her constantly from day one. But I'm not sure that Clarke is even fully aware of it. She may be thinking that he really wasn't planning on hooking up with her till that moment at the end of 1x04, when he lost hope in contacting the Ark. She has very little romantic experience, after all, and seemed too distracted by everything else happening around them, the fight for survival, trying to save Jasper, Wells' death, the drama with Charlotte etc. to even notice how much Finn was hitting on her. The same way that, in season 2, she was far too distracted by planning the war and worrying about Bellamy and the Delinquents at Mount Weather and didn't seem to notice Lexa giving her heart eyes, until Lexa surprised her by kissing her. She's really not the most attuned to these things. Raven\s remark that "he could have waited for more than 10 days" (yes, exactly) gives us the first explicit clue about the exact timeline. The painful Octavia/Bellamy confrontation at the end of the episode is one of the best dramatic moments on S1. It gets resolved at the end of S1, but now I can't help thinking that it's just the first of the many times throughout all 5 seasons where Octavia blames Bellamy for pretty much everything ever. I remember that Bellamy takes back what he said here in the S1 finale - telling Octavia his life didn't end when she was born, it began - but does Octavia take back any of what she said to him, blaming him for their mother's death and her imprisonment and all? I don't remember that, but I'll pay attention in 1x13.

Timeline and body count at the end of 1x06:

The first 6 episodes took place over 10 days. The first 3 episodes must have been something like a day, then there was a week between episodes 3 and 4, and 4--6 were about a day or two.

Body count: 

at least 320 dead people on the Ark, 10 dead Delinquents on the ground: 2 killed in the crash landing (and due to their own stupidity), 3 (Trina, Pascal, Atom) killed by the acid fog (that is, the Mountain Men) - though technically Clarke mercy killed Atom, 2 killed by the Delinquents themselves (Wells - murdered by Charlotte, Charlotte - suicide, mostly sue to pressure from Murphy),, 3 killed by the Grounders (Doggs, Mbege, Roma). "The 100" are The 90 now. As of the start of season 6, they'll be The 4.

[matryarch]

 CHARACTER  INTRODUCTION:  DOMBROVA,  MAYA  |   JOHN  KELLER  HAS  ADDED  MAYA  DOMBROVA  AS  A  FRIEND!  The  FORTY  EIGHT  year  old  will  be  playing  the  role  of  the  ALMIGHTY  MOM  in  his  very  own  horror  movie.  Right  now,  she’s  an  ART  TEACHER  at  JERICHO  HIGH  but  she  might  not  be  for  much  longer  —  you  might  see  HER  on  the  town’s  next  tape.  (  minnie  driver,  she/her  –  played  by  red,  21,  she/her,  pst  )

basic information.

BIRTH NAME: MAYA OPHELIA DOMBROVA

AGE + DOB: FORTY EIGHT + APRIL 8. 1970

BIRTH ORDER: ELDEST CHILD

RELIGION: IRISH CATHOLIC

ZODIAC SIGN: ARIES

GENDER + PRONOUNS: CISFEM + SHE/HER

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: PANSEXUAL

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: PANROMANTIC

PLACE OF BIRTH: BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS ( GREW UP IN LONDON, ENGLAND ) 

HEIGHT: 5 FT 10 IN

PHYSIQUE: FIT, ATHLETIC 

NATIONALITY: AMERICAN, BRITISH ( DUAL CITIZENSHIP )

ETHNICITY: CAUCASIAN ( ENGLISH, IRISH )

LANGUAGES: ENGLISH, SPANISH, AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE 

ALMA MATER: HARVARD UNIVERSITY ( CREATIVE WRITING )

OCCUPATION(S): RETIRED SCREEN WRITER / ART TEACHER AT JERICHO HIGH

CRIMINAL RECORD: N/A 

VIRTUES: EXUBERANT, VIBRANT, MOTHERLY, COMPASSIONATE

VICES: HOSTILE, AGGRESSIVE, DOMINEERING, PUERILE 

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: DIVORCED, SINGLE

CHILDREN: JORDAN “JORDIE”, THEODORE “THEO, & RILEY

FACECLAIM: MINNIE DRIVER

TROPE: THE ALMIGHTY MOTHER

PINTEREST: HERE.

biography.

- the dombrova family had a great deal of wealth acquired from great investments and nepotism at it’s finest. the dombrova family always valued their children as they were good investments to carry forth the dombrova name. however, the dombrova patriarch believed the fortune would best in the hands of boys and he lobbied for a son for quite sometime. so, when maya was born as their eldest it was a pretty big disappointment. before maya could speak her aunt and uncle had taken her into custody where she could attend boarding school across in the pond in london. 

- only seeing her birth parents on holidays or long weekends, maya found her independence fairly quickly. not only that her aunt and uncle were a lot more laissez faire in comparison to her parents. she learned a great deal of culture from them and their three adopted children. in truth, she loved her aunt and uncle far more than she loved her birth parents. often times she felt like she needed to flip a switch when greeting her parents for the holiday season; presenting herself as a posh british, golden child. 

- it wasn’t hard for maya to do as such. she was raised as a polymath so it was in her nature to be good at anything she set her mind to. perfectionism was the ideal but at times she wondered if it was because she wanted it to be that way or was she desperate to earn validation from her parents. her younger siblings didn’t share the same fate as her, as they were boys and remained in boston. it was difficult to create bonds with them and they didn’t feel like siblings for a great deal of time. maya attempted to make it work as best as she could but it was evident that the long distance prevented the dombrova’s to be close siblings. 

- maya was told to pursue business but she wasn’t interested in the field at all. she was more fond of using the creative side of her brain rather than the analytical one. she did return to the states ( as she had a dual citizenship ) to attend school in boston ( harvard university ) but opted out of business and settled for creative writing instead. her parents were pissed and didn’t do much to support her decisions. they earned a loan or two from her aunt and uncle but the rest she paid off working 9-5 as a waitress. 

- she graduated and her parents didn’t show up to her ceremony despite graduating with honors. from there she moved to new york city to embark on her future career. she wrote for a few sitcoms as well as award ceremonies before getting a gig as a writer for saturday night live / anchor for weekend update. she stayed at snl for a great deal of time while balancing other projects ( movies / tv shows for snl cast members, etc ) it was nice living in the fast line, she even found the love of her life during the process of it all. 

- with emmy and golden globe nominations under her belt she was ready to start another chapter in her life: marriage and kids. getting married young wasn’t something she regretted as she thought she found her soulmate. the first year of their marriage had gone pretty well considering what’s typical during the first year. maya then became pregnant with her first child. the couple was ecstatic for the life they were going to bring into this world. jordan, or jordie her baby boy was born and maya’s entire life changed. she never knew she could fall in love with someone she first met. in that moment it clicked, she was meant to be a mother and the anxieties of motherhood washed away.

- when jordie was reaching his first birthday the couple noticed that jordie’s growth wasn’t up to speed in comparison to other children his age. the couple thought it was best to see what was wrong. there the couple discovered that jordie had non-verbal cerebral palsy. it was a difficult thing to hear but maya was willing to do whatever it took to learn about the disorder and provide her child nothing but the best care. her husband on the other hand had become overwhelmed with the sudden news. so one night, he got in his car and left. maya and jordie never saw or heard from him since. from then on, maya moved from the big city to jericho. 

- of course maya was upset but she did her best to conceal her feelings and be there for her son. she gave up her work and became a stay at home mom, a decision she doesn’t regret one bit. as jordie got older, maya wanted to give him siblings. so she decided to adopt a son named theo, a year later she adopted another girl riley. it’s a chaotic family but she has help from jordie’s aids as well as sympathetic neighbors. as her kids are getting a little bit older ( jordie is 17, theo is 14, and riley is 12 ) she decided it would be okay to start working once more. 

- it was a difficult thing for maya to do given that she is a bit of a helicopter mom. despite having an aid to help jordie out she, of course worries as any mother would. with this in mind she got a job at the local high school her children also attend. she works as an art teacher and occasionally substitutes as an english teacher given her writing background. 

- maya is a loud mouthed, tiger mom and picking a fight with her is more exhausting than the fight itself. as a true aries, she’s got a fiery nature and is always preaching about something. she’s got a personality as big as her curly hair and for some people it’s inviting but to others it’s just too much. at the end of the day, maya is someone you want on your team because of how hard she’ll fight for you. it’s evident that she gives a great deal about the things that mean the most to her and will do anything to make things right. she’s got a great heart and is always the shoulder to cry on if you need it.  

[ignissa]

During a flashback, eclipsia makes a brief comment (though a case of Ambiguous Syntax) that implies that her situation between her husband and monster lover was more complex than simply cheating on her husband and fleeing with a monster. Moon: I can't even decide which boy I like! Eclipsa: I know how you feel (I even heard a theory that the situation with tom star, and marco is a bit of a reversal of what happens with eclipsia. with tom being the royal *but demon) and marco not being royalty

This is a very good point. I feel like I’ve been much less harsh on Shastacan and much more forgiving of his actions than many other fans, mostly because I think it’s valuable to play devil’s advocate a bit in cases like these. We don’t know the nuances of the situation, so it doesn’t seem all that fair to demonise him right off the bat.

Although the way they’re presented in the box’s projection during the trial emphasises how different Eclipsa and Shastacan are visually (especially when it comes to their fashion choices), and the clip we see of him in Skooled demonstrates how different his personality, diction and temperament is from Eclipsa’s, we can’t rule out the idea that marriage and ruling the Butterfly Kingdom changed the two of them in some way. Perhaps younger Shastacan (who, it should be added, hadn’t yet been abandoned by his wife - we haven’t exactly seen him at his best) was more fun-loving, and younger Eclipsa was more serious?

So yes, while it’s fairly likely that they married for politics and power rather than love (as would fit nicely with the medieval setting the show draws influence from), it’s not impossible that there was affection between them at some point in time. Eclipsa was crowned Queen at a fairly young age, so I don’t think it was an arranged marriage (unless she was betrothed young). The “King Shastacan” that we the audience are introduced to is a man who has been left in charge of a Kingdom he cannot rightfully claim having been abandoned by his wife the rightful ruler, and left with another man’s child whose very existence threatens this position. As I’ve previously argued, we can’t look at his behaviour under these circumstances and confidently say this is how he always acted.

Indeed, Eclipsa may well have been genuinely conflicted between following the politically safe option or her heart, as she suggests to Moon. Of course, as with everything Eclipsa tells us, it’s also possible that she is lying, or at least bending the truth to garner more sympathy from Moon. Alternatively, if we look at the actual dialogue exchanged between the two of them, Eclipsa may not be specifically talking about romance:

Eclipsa:Well, it’s just you’re far too young to be queen, unless… Oh, no. Unless your mother – is she…?

Moon:[sniffles, nods]

Eclipsa:I see. I lost my mother, too, when I was not much older than you.

Moon:Ever since Mom… Um, since I became queen, everybody’s been looking to me to end the war and make all these big decisions, but I’m just a kid! I can’t decide the fate of Mewni! I can’t even decide which boy I like!

Eclipsa:I know how you feel. 

Eclipsa may be talking more about the struggles of becoming Queen at such a young age - people expecting you to know what to do, to make the right decisions under so much pressure, etc. Eclipsa is a lot like Star; imagine how Star would have felt if she had inherited the throne at the beginning of season two, around about the same time as Mr Candle Cares, where it is revealed that she is terrified of being forced to abandon her sense of self for the sake of the throne. I don’t think Eclipsa was happy in the position she was forced into, and I don’t think she had a support system to fall back on. It sorta adds a layer of bittersweetness to her interactions with Glossaryck, who would have been the only person entirely on her side throughout everything. The book and Glossaryck ended up in the hands of the new Royal Family, where he would have been forced to watch as future generations were lied to about Eclipsa and their own heritages. It’s a bit of a tangent, but I’ve previously theorised that Glossaryck wanted Eclipsa freed.

As for the parallels to the Marco/Star/Tom situation, I think there is one fairly major difference; it’s never been suggested that anyone in Mewni would disapprove of Star and Marco’s relationship. For instance, we’ve never encountered any racism towards people from other dimensions on the part of Mewmans, whereas Tom (despite Starfari introducing the idea that he is a “different type of monster”, at least politically) is still a victim of anti-monster sentiment. None of the middle class Mewmans who attended Star’s song day seemed worried at the idea of the princess being with some random person (and we know that the implication of the song got across, because both Tom and Higgs were under the impression that Star and Marco were dating). Star’s dad doesn’t seem upset about the idea that they might be dating in Camping Trip, and both he and Moon look on fondly at their awkward good-byes during Scent Of A Hoodie.

On the other end of things, I don’t think Star choosing Tom would be anywhere near as controversial as Eclipsa’s choice anyway. Firstly, Eclipsa was a married woman and a Queen - by running off with a monster she was not only breaking her wedding vows, but also demonstrating to her Kingdom that she wasn’t willing to fulfill her royal duties. Star and Tom dated (presumably for a good length of time) in the past; this was a relationship that was public knowledge and yet it’s not suggested to have been too controversial. Star even outright states in the guidebook that she feels political pressure to stay with Tom.

So yeah, I personally don’t get the impression that either choice would be too damaging to Star’s public image.

[seven-oomen]

So I hope you’re feeling better, and have managed to cool down finally.  A year or two ago, the A/C in my apartment kept going out, to the point where finally they had to just replace the whole unit, and there were days when the temp inside would hit nearly 33 degrees (according to Google’s conversion chart.)  As someone also very much built for colder climes, I was about ready to murder someone, but that would have required too much movement and energy expenditure.  So I know just how indescribably miserable that feeling is.  (Frankly if I ended up in Eur at any point, I would probably also cave and buy some sort of A/C, too.  Give me cold over hot any day.  I can always add more layers, I can only take off so many.)  Also, I hope you’re feeling better in general after therapy, and that it was at least helpful and cathartic, if super difficult and heavy.

I’m sorry your game turned out disappointing.  I’d seen a few memes pop up on Facebook with no real context that now make a lot more sense.  I think sometimes a sequel that just doesn’t quite live up to expectations can be worse than if it’s just a trainwreck from the start, because you can visualize how it might have been if only…

I did have one more thought on the HP front (oh god, why?  how?  I was never really even in that fandom…)  I can’t remember enough details right now to be certain if Durmstrang was more generically Eastern European coded or if it was more specific to certain countries, but I thought it wouldn’t necessarily be entirely out of the question that Noah could be a student there.  Chris in Beauxbatons is a no- brainer.  And Hale is already a British last name.  Basically, what I’m saying is Tri-Wizard Tournament, except they’re fucking.  (Which given what little I know about the HP fandom, that is probably not the first time someone’s said that…)

And I see we’re just going right for the feels with that flashback, huh? XD  Why do I have the feeling that there’s going to be a corresponding scene in the current timeline as a callback that will just make it hurt even more?  (My heart says Stiles or Malia singing it to Ben, my head says anything is good, really)  And now I can look forward to imagining John’s ghost lovingly Gibbs-smacking the three of them upside the head any time they start getting angsty about how the other two feel.  Do you have any FCs for (young) Claudia or her father (I think there were already at least a couple different actresses, so I consider her fair game)?  Or Julio?  And having a visual for him now makes me think of the flashback in Ch.6 where he was treating their injuries, wondering if he and Mieczyslaw ever did go to have a “chat” with Elias, if there was a specific event that lead to that particular incident between Chris, Noah, and Elias, and where Peter was during all that (and who kept him from “helping” his father with his visit)?

Oh, one more for the sibling prank pile: when I was in high school/college, a lot of times when I’d be over at this one friend’s house, we’d be downstairs playing video games with her little sister and/or brother (by which I mean, they would be playing GoldenEye or Perfect Dark, and I would just be dying a lot because I’m beyond terrible at FPS), if we were playing music “too loud” (usually No Doubt or Garbage, or later on, AFI), her older brother would go upstairs to his room and start blasting Queen or Pink Floyd at top volume to try and drown us out, like some kind of Stereo Cold War (instead of using headphones, or asking us to turn it down, or something else logical.)  It definitely made for some interesting mash-ups, and I always had to fight down the urge to ask him “…you know we like those bands, too, right?  Like, if you’re trying to dissuade us or irritate us, you’re doing it wrong…"  Long story short, I could totally see Stiles and Jackson doing something like this, until one of their dads gets so frustrated they start blasting some of the most teenager repelling music they can think of to make them stop.  Peter: “You think this Spice Girls mix is painful?  Keep it up and you’ll learn that I know where Chris keeps the Nickleback CDs he doesn’t think we know about.”

This was originally gonna be part of my review, but I wasn’t sure how long it might get, so I saved it for one of these.  So I know in a previous chat you mentioned Peter’s wedding day was one of the happiest of his life, and I know Chris calls them his husbands, while Noah said Peter’d been “practically proposing”, so I was wondering would they be considered engaged at this point, or actually married (like, werewolf married or something)?  Because I am entirely here for some kind of ceremony once shit calms down a bit.  I can’t see Peter resisting the chance to get both his boys into fancy suits to show off just how lucky he is.  And they could work all the kids into the ceremony in different roles, all of them dressed up, too, but allowed to style it based on their personality and preferences.  Think about all the photoshoot opportunities.  Not sure who would be the best choice for officiant, because I’m not sure who may or may not have popped up by that point in the story.  I feel like the most appropriate setting (based on present knowledge) would be the Nemeton.  Second option would be the back yard of the house once it’s been rebuilt, depending how far in the future that is and how long they want to wait to make it official (Or other locations, what ever feels the most right.)  Imagine Melissa (lovingly) roasting the everloving shit out of them in a speech.  T H E  D A N C I N G…  Just, like, a huge celebration of the fact that they made it through.  And don’t forget the honeymoon…  Them at very least getting a room in some super luxe hotel, even if they don’t want to go too terribly far away because of the kids.  Champagne, huge shower stall and Jacuzzi tub, giant bed with 1000ct sheets, balcony with a hot tub, just, like, all the nicest, fanciest luxuries.   (And because I apparently can’t get enough of them teasing Peter to distraction)  At the end of the night they all stumble into the bedroom, and get Peter sitting down on a chair or bench facing the bed.  They loosely tie his wrists behind him with the tie he’d been wearing, and slowly unbutton his shirt and slide it down to wrap around them as well (they all know it hasn’t a chance of holding him, that’s not the point) before backing away out of reach and going to work on each other’s suits.  Eventually they’re down to just their necklaces, dress shirts, and an extra surprise they had made for their husband; matching Chantilly lace panties specially handwoven with a triskelion pattern (I was thinking maybe out of lilies-of-the-valley, because for some reason I felt like Peter was a May baby, and that’s the birth flower for that month, and also I feel that would curve into the Hale spirals fairly easily and nicely.  And while I like the idea that it’s traditionally black, this one has a lovely blue shift threaded through it that would look AMAZING on them), and featuring thin triple side ties made from silk in shades of blue to match their eyes (‘cause maybe he won’t rip it if he can just untie it?).  Peter’s brain would just keep blue screening and rebooting as he tried to process everything, while they turn and crawl up the bed (giving a hell of a view as they go), turning back to him as they lean up against each other, trying to mock pout through their smirks like “Won’t you join us, husband?  It’s lonely up here without you."  His shirt just ends up confetti sized shreds of white cotton (or silk?) floating gently down to the floor as he surges up the bed at literal supernatural speed so fast he almost bounces off the headboard, trying to figure out a way to tackle both of them at once.  (…Holy shit, I cannot believe I just actually wrote all that out.  Apologies if it went a little far, as per usual, I may have gotten carried away.  In my defense, speculating about it kept me from murdering the guy who decided to open and start "testing” our dog whistles because he insisted the last one he got didn’t work, so.)  Actually, that also reminds me, we know that Derek has a triskelion tattoo, do you think Peter does as well?  Or gets one at some point?  Do you think Noah or Chris would ever get one, as a sign of pack loyalty, since the Hales are the ones that took them in when their own families cast them out?  (And also, that’s definitely a mark that’s not going to fade away, but also does not carry the risk of accidental turning.)  Where would any of them have/get them?

And re: review responses, etc.  Don’t worry if you don’t want to reveal too much ahead of time.  I generally figure a lot of what I mention is stuff that has a good chance of just coming up later in the story.  I’m equally happy with the previews we do get and with waiting patiently (I swear I can) for things to be revealed in future chapters.

Oh, and the cosplay!  (Sorry, meant to mention that earlier but I got…distracted…)  If you do ever get the chance to do that one that would be amazing!  By the time I got into TW I wasn’t getting to cons very much any more, so I’ve never really seen anyone cosplaying any TW characters, at least obviously.  And we so rarely got to see any of Peter’s beta shift as it was.  I will say that the Hale boys are some of my faves for fandom inspired fashion (basically where it’s not specifically a costume and most regular people wouldn’t get it but I know.  I’ve done it with a number of characters over the years.)  I have several henleys in colors that feel appropriate to the show’s wardrobe, that if I’m in the mood I’ll pair with some dark jeans and boots or black chucks.  It lets me express my fannish inclinations with less risk of anyone getting all judge-y about it.  I, however, can’t get away with wearing them with quite as few buttons done up as they do, there tend to be laws about that sort of thing.  I also have a cute floral dress that works really well for a Lydia inspired look, and plans for similar, slightly more obvious, versions for Raven (Teen Titans) and Black Canary, should I ever manage to get to a convention again (I’m much more prone to costumes that are adaptations over exact accuracy.  Nobody wants to see me in a spandex suit, not even me.)  But yes, full support and encouragement on the cosplay!  That look is definitely one that would catch attention.

Final unexpected segue: Many, MANY years ago we carried a product at work that was an anti-mating spray (yes, that’s spelled correctly).  It was intended for unspayed females that went into heat to help keep interested males away.  Many were the customers that bought it without paying attention who thought it would help with grooming.  I just thought it was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard of, and that was long before I knew anything about omegaverse fic.  Can you imagine something like that in a traditional a/b/o story? XD  I still think about that product every so often (no idea if they even still make anything like that), and wanted to share the hilarity.

Wow, just realized that it’s like 3am.  Jesus, I’ve been rambling a while.  But I think that was everything?  Anyway I’m going to attempt to go to bed, and pretend I didn’t just write more almost porn.  (There’s a quote from the movie Noises Off! [another fave, highly recommend if you’ve not seen it], where a character is referring to her ability to remember lines, and says “Well, it’s like a slot machine up here.” *gestures vaguely at her head* “I, I open my mouth, and I never know what’s going to come out; three oranges, or two lemons and a banana."  And I feel like that’s an accurate description of my posting style.)

For the FC I do, for teenage Claudia: Davina Claire (but imagine the brown eyes)

For Adult Claudia the actress Joey Honsa: 

And for Claudia’s dad (I’m not awake enough to copy Miech’s name fully): Gary Oldman

And Julio Delgado: Santiago Calbrera

Fucking tumblr... I had entire sections typed out during work but my phone freaked out and now it’s gone and I can retype it all over a again... am angry >:( 

Anyway, yeah I’m doing a lot better, ac’s on, I got drinks and shit. And I’m trying to rock my Reese’s pieces tank with Harry Potter booty shorts.

I’m gonna try and answer the most important things I wrote down and work from there. 

And now I can look forward to imagining John’s ghost lovingly Gibbs-smacking the three of them upside the head any time they start getting angsty about how the other two feel.  

There was a lot of Gibbs-smacking back when John was watching over them. Although he made sure to never freak out Chris and instead go for the ‘abby kisses’ on the temple and forehead whenever Chris did the right thing or was particularly vulnerable.

I also have this headcanon that John took care of Allison and Jackson for the first week or two because Chris just couldn’t. He felt alone at almost 18, just went through pure hell to deliver two babies he doesn’t really know. He loves them, he does, he’s just-, he doesn’t know how to feel. So John steps in and teaches him how to be a parent. It takes a bit of time but by the time Jackson and Allison are a week old, Chris is fully on board and would die for them in a heartbeat. And John just looks at him with this pride in his eyes and kisses his forehead. “I’m proud of you.” It’s the first time Chris hears that from a father figure.

And having a visual for him now makes me think of the flashback in Ch.6 where he was treating their injuries, wondering if he and Mieczyslaw ever did go to have a “chat” with Elias, if there was a specific event that lead to that particular incident between Chris, Noah, and Elias, and where Peter was during all that (and who kept him from “helping” his father with his visit)?

This I will address in the prequel, and maybe a very short teaser flashback.

And I was going to close this story with a wedding, a honeymoon, and a pack run at the end. ^^ And holy shit the panties idea is fucking golden.

I could not focus on my work today XD. What an image please do give me more if you think of them ^^. It’s a lovely idea to have Chris and Noah dressed in lacy triskelion panties while having Peter ‘bound’ in a chair. They’re making out, they’re all having fun. And Peter’s hard, like he’s trying so hard to be a good boy for them but holy shit if they keep making out like that, all bets are off. What a fantastic image. Although probably not the best when trying to work XD. (I don’t mind.)

Actually, that also reminds me, we know that Derek has a triskelion tattoo, do you think Peter does as well?  Or gets one at some point?  Do you think Noah or Chris would ever get one, as a sign of pack loyalty, since the Hales are the ones that took them in when their own families cast them out?  (And also, that’s definitely a mark that’s not going to fade away, but also does not carry the risk of accidental turning.)  Where would any of them have/get them?

He do! All the Hales do, it’s a coming off age thing for the wolves and some humans get them as well to show solidarity with their wolf siblings.

John had a tattoo on his left pectoral. His wife Kathryn had hers on her right shoulder. Nathaniel had one between his shoulder blades out of solidarity to his wolf brethren. (He was born human). Talia had hers on the right side of her abdomen just above her hip bone. Merlia had a tramp stamp triskelion. Peter has his over his heart. (The top of the spiral can be seen peeking through some of his deeper v-necks.)

 Laura had hers on her left shoulder. Derek has his between the shoulder blades in honor of his oldest uncle. Chris gets his on his left pectoral after he’s had his youngest child. (In honor of John) Noah gets his on his right pectoral as a mirror image after he’s had his youngest twins. (They talked about it before hand where they’d get them.)

Malia gets hers on her left wrist. Stiles on his right wrist in solidarity. Both of them on the inside. Jackson gets his just below his right collarbone. Allison gets hers just below her left collarbone. Ben gets his on his left arm when he’s old enough.

Not sure about the others but it’ll come to me.

Can you imagine something like that in a traditional a/b/o story? XD  I still think about that product every so often (no idea if they even still make anything like that), and wanted to share the hilarity.

I am wheezing. That’d be so fucking funny XD Anti-Alpha! Alpha be gone! Spray the horny away! (Okay I’ll stop.)

But now I am imagining Stiles making a prank like that where he just gives his pops (Noah) a spray bottle for christmas that says: Spray the horny away! And has a photoshopped picture of Peter on it with a red cross through it.

They have a good laugh about it.

[fostertoforever]

Happy Endings and Deep Pandemic Thoughts..

Hello!! How are you surviving this $h*%show that is 2020? Through all of this staying at home and literally watching Minions and Cinderella for the 40,000th time, eating brownies, and staring at my phone 8 hours a day, I realized it's been ages since I had updated my blog. AGES! I told my husband the other night that I had even forgotten to blog about our happy ending...that's right, folks! A happy ending! And so, forgive me if this is a long overdue post. 

I'm not very superstitious...but this is how our crazy story begins and happily ends...On Friday September 13th, we signed adoption papers to adopt Baby #2, our sweet C. That's right, Friday the 13th. Within hours of submitting the paperwork, our attorney called with the adoption date- HALLOWEEN Day, October 31st. Yikes, right? We had had enough bad luck, though, and by golly, I was sure these devilish dates would turn out to be good luck and that my teenage goth years were actually "not for nothing!"  My brain immediately started trying to come up with a creative matching family tshirt idea and cutesie sign. "Trick or Treat! Our family is COMPLETE!" was the winner. It was almost too good to be true. I held my breath for the next month and a half and waited on the adoption day to get here. And then, on a rainy Halloween Day, our family gathered in the downtown court house, and we completed our family. We wore orange and black. Our son, P, was asked to come up and solidify the adoption of his sister, and hit the judge's gavel. Halloween treats were passed out by the judge, officers, and clerks. It was amazing to say the least. 

And so, later that night, as I paraded my daughter around in her Wonder Woman costume for Trick or Treating, I felt an incredible weight lifted. I could finally breathe. Our family was finally complete. I wasn't waiting anymore. I wasn't worried about the future. And although I wasn't grieving anymore, I couldn't help but think of all the coulda shoulda wouldas that led to that moment. The failed fertility treatments..the failed adoption...the babies that weren't meant to be. In that moment, I was so grateful. Life had really worked out exactly how it was supposed to. October 29th, 2012 was the day I got the phone call that would change my life. The infertile moment of truth. If you had told me, as I lay on our bathroom floor in the fetal position, sobbing that I'd never be a mother, that seven years later, almost to the day,  we'd be a family of four, with two beautiful children, I wouldn't have believed you for a second. 

The next few months were a busy blur. In November, I took an awesome girls trip to Texas to spend time with my best friends from college...a much needed time for myself. Christmas was a little rough for us, as C and I had the stomach bug and fevers. In January, our sweet girl turned 3! In February, both kids got the flu, complete with P experiencing a horrible febrile seizure, followed by pneumonia, and a scary trip to the ER. At the beginning of March, I got wicked food poisoning, then a fun case of vertigo. By the second week of March, just as things were finally getting back to normal, the pandemic hit. 

Like many of you, I feel like I have literally nothing to show from being home the last 98 days, when life, as we knew it, all but stopped. We've done a few home improvement type things. I became a successful home-school teacher to P, while teaching my own students virtually. I conquered Zoom meetings and threw an awesome virtual birthday dance party for P. I cleaned the house a few times- not enough- watched a ton of shows, read lots of books, went on lots of car rides, and gained a ridiculous amount of weight. Comfort food, am I right? And like most of you, I've done my fair share of complaining. I long for the days I thought were mundane. The spontaneous trips, browsing TJ Maxx, the trips to the playground, going to the movies, going out to eat, etc. But without sounding like a terrible human being, when I really think about it, this time home, has been priceless. Obviously, I wish we wouldn't have had to deal with a killer pandemic, but,  in making the best of it, I am so grateful for the last 98 days. I have grown so much closer with my children. The daily anxieties of keeping up with busy schedules have disappeared. 98 days ago, I was constantly busy, constantly in a state of chaos, worrying about all the things I had to do. I simply don't have those worries right now. I take time for myself daily. This time has made me a better mom. Life has literally slowed down, and with it, I feel I have gained so much. Invaluable time and memories with my children. 

Finally, I'll give you one more happy ending story. In May, I got a phone call from the CPS worker who has been keeping me updated over the years about P2- P's biological sister. If you remember from previous blog posts, we were set to foster and adopt her, but learned she had some major developmental problems. It nearly broke me to say no to taking her...BUT she was placed with a foster family, who have taken amazing care of her. I am told she has made tremendous progress and is thriving. The worker called me to tell me that P2 was being officially adopted the following week by her foster family and asked if we would be open to communicating with them, and possibly having the siblings meet one day. I gratefully got the names and phone numbers of P2's family. Shortly after the worker called to tell us, we sat P down to tell him he has another sister. We have always been very open with him about his adoption. We tell him he didn't come from my belly- that he had a "belly mommy," whose belly he grew in for 9 long months, and then when he was finally out, we came to pick him up at the hospital to live with us. We explained to him that P2 grew in the same belly mommy and that she looks very much like him. We showed him pictures and tried to answer any questions he had. His exact words were "Yeah no more sisters. Peace out." Hahahaha! Maybe he'll warm up to the idea more later. It's literally taken me almost a month to get the courage to call her family, but today, I did. I left a message and am praying they call back soon. My heart still longs to meet her and have her meet P. I am so thankful she has a good home, and a good family, but she will always hold a place in my mama heart. 

I hope this finds you all safe and healthy. Enjoy this time the best you can. Find moments to be grateful for. Life will start going fast again someday soon! 

~Mama Jess