#hve 2 write those

[lemongogo]

why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm

[somecallmejohn]

sleepy rose oneshot ideas (like after they confessed)

1.Simon sleeping but every time Asha is nearby, he would unconsciously move closer/cuddle to Asha

2.Simon having nightmares of killing Asha, has a panic attack, Asha calms him down, sleeping together

3.Simon got drunk, unwittingly flirts with Asha with the cheesiest pickup lines

4.Simon being overprotective of Asha and she gradually gets tired of it

can you write them all? I’m ok if you do it one by one. tho if not, what do you think? Good?

Okee... I really like those ideas even as headcanons, but I am gonna try and write just one of them (for now prolly).

I'm more of an illustrator than a writer, but again if I really want to write that queer Disney-esque fairy tale I've been thinking about for a long while, I will hve to practice my writing skills somehow.

Imma go with the second prompt since it's one I've actually thought about before as it is a headcanon of mine that Simon has some trauma from his brief time being brainwashed by Magnifico.

Anyway, enough yapping. It's time for some cringe writing from a wannabe writer.

(P.S. I altered the situation a bit to take place 2 or 3 months after the events of the movie and before Asha and Simon got together.)

(Post-writing note: this took longer than expected and I ended up writing more than I was planning. I also ended up using some headcanons I've shared in asks and sleepy rose headcanon post, which was kinda fun. Anyways hope you like it!)

It was dark and quiet in the deep woods, where only the snapping of twigs and the sprinting steps of a teenage girl could be heard.

Those stepping sounds belonged to Asha, a girl who had just recently found herself wanted for treason against the kingdom of Rosas. And all that for what? Because she believed that everyone deserved to own their wish and have the chance to chase it and make it a reality.

Asha was running as fast as she could. She didn't even dare to look behind her. But alas, all that running was for nothing as she found herself at a dead end. She tried to look for another exit, but it was already too late, for she could see in the shadows the glowing green eyes of the person chasing after her.

Out of the shadows emerged Simon, but no... This wasn't Simon... not anymore, at least. This was the King's loyal knight, his only knight that was a real human being and not an enchanted armor. Aquired by tricking a teenager so desperate to get the missing piece of himself back that he ended up bertraying the person he cared about the most.

"Oh, Asha..." The knight said with a voice that sounded familiar yet completely foreign to her ears as he was heading towards her."The King is waiting for you. It's a shame to leave him waiting, don't you think?"

His eyes were fixated on her and a menacing yet simultaneously apathetic expression was formed on his face.

"Simon, please, this isn't you!" Asha cried."You're under Magnifico's spell! I saw it! Once he put you in this armor, you've not been yourself ever since!"

He was getting nearer and nearer. Almost everything about him was unrecognizable. His posture, the way he moved, his expression even the way he was dressed.

"But, this is me, you see. Magnifico helped me make my wish come true and he could have done the same to you had you been loyal to Rosas."

At that point, he was just a breath away, towering over her.

"Come on Asha, just tell me where the star is and I promise you Magnifico will forgive you and reward you accordingly. You can have the life many dream of and..."

He took hold of her hand and his expression softened a little. It was as if the real Simon was talking now.

"We could be together at last."

Asha's cheeks flushed. She's had feelings for Simon for longer than she can remember and hoped he'd reciprocate them, but this was not the Simon she loved and this was not a deal she was willing to take.

"No! Never!" She exclaimed, pushing him away and attempting to run as far as she could, but she wasn't fast enough and he caught her by the hand almost instantly.

Everything went pitch black.

"I'm sorry it has come to this way, Asha" the knight said right before the sound of a sword being taken out of its case was heard.

"NO!" Simon exclaimed, waking up in cold sweat.

It was that nightmare again.

He was back at the royal kitchen. Everyone was looking at him. He had fallen asleep laying against the wall yet again.

His face went scarlet red seeing everyone's gaze pinned upon him, especially when he saw Asha's concerned expression.

"I-i..." he struggled to think of some excuse "forgot to bring some flour bags."

He then swiftly left the room to get to the pantry for more flour bags despite the kitchen having already a whole pile of them with enough flour to service them for at least a week.

It's been only a couple months since the redheaded teen had been brainwashed to be used as a pawn in the former King's scheme to capture Asha and Star and although it hardly lasted a day, the effects of that brief time were here to stay.

Every time Simon closed his eyes to sleep, the same type of nightmare would be playing in his head. He'd be in the woods with no control of his body or mind, dressed in the armor Magnifico put him in, chasing after Asha and it'd always end with her captured or something worse.

At first, this nightmare would only play at night. Despite his extreme need for sleep, Simon would keep himself awake at night by training for the upcoming Knight tryouts Queen Amaya had announced, to replace the enchanted armors that had lost any magic in them after Magnifico's defeat, and would take nap breaks during the daytime.

This plan had worked for a couple of days before the nightmares returned. He could no longer escape them and that took a toll on him. He got a lot more tired, failed the tryouts and gave up on his wish of being a noble knight.

With the repeating nightmares reminding him of what he did, he even distanced himself from his friends. He couldn't stand being around the same people he had let down, especially Asha, who he so selfishly betrayed.

Simon stayed in the pantry for a few minutes pretending he was looking for the right flour bags to bring back in the kitchen only for him to instantly fall asleep on a pile nearby.

He was back in the woods, dressed in his knightly attire, chasing after Asha. But, at the moment he was about to draw his sword, something different happened. He felt in control again and let go of it before he... woke up.

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by the sight of Asha nudging him and asking him to wake up.

"Hmph... Asha?" he said groggily.

"Simon... are you alright?" she asked concerned.

But Asha entered his way placing her hand on his chest to stop him.

"Oh! I-i..." he exclaimed and with a forced smile, trying to sound as upbeat and awake as he could, he said,"Yeah, I'm doing great! Just... looking for the right flour bags." he added a fake chuckle as he stood up and grabbed the first two bags he saw before he proceeded to leave.

"Simon..." she repeated compassionately "you've been acting very strangely lately. You're as tired as ever, even more than you were when you gave your wish away to Magnifico, you've been avoiding us and Queen Amaya even told me that you refused her offer for a second chance at the knight tryouts. I thought being a knight was your wish. Why did you give up on that Simon?"

"I-i just ended up changing my mind." he mumbled struggling to wake up fully "Sometimes wishes change and that's what happened with mine."

"I don't believe that. Your wish was so strong you weren't the same without it, you can't have changed it so quickly!"

"Well, I have!" he said coldly and left with no further explanation.

Later that day, just when the sun had begun to set, somewhere deep in the woods at a spot near a lake, there was the redheaded teen who had just dismounted his horse.

His horse wasn't exactly his perse. It belonged to the royal mews, but Simon had nurtured and taken care of it ever since it was just a foal with the help of his father, who worked there. He'd often take it for a ride from time to time with permission from the queen.

Simon loved horse riding. It was his favorite pastime before he'd given his wish to Magnifico and he still loved it after taking it back. It was the only thing that could clear his mind whenever he felt overwhelmed after a day full of tiny nap breaks and the same nightmare playing in his head again and again.

As he let the horse go drink some water from the lake, Simon sat down under the nearest tree and took out his favorite book to read, it was a fairytale book his mother would read to him every night to sleep. He loved the stories about brave knights saving the maidens and he aspired to be just like them. Even if he had given up on his wish, he could still live through his favorite stories, or at least so he said to himself.

Just as he was about to begin reading, he heard stepping noises approaching him.

"Simon?" a familiar voice sounded

"Asha?" he said, surprised to see her "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you. You have no idea how worried I and our other friends are about you"

"But, how did you find me?" he asked

"We used to come over here a lot as kids, don't you remember?"

"Oh..." he said, his cheeks turning red "I forgot about that."

"You always loved how quiet it was here." she smiled as she sat next to him "Now tell me. What is going on with you?"

"I told you it was nothing" he said defensively

"Simon..." she placed her hand on his and looked him straight in the eyes "please."

He couldn't help it any longer. It pained him being so secretive and avoiding her and his friends. He wanted it to stop. He wanted the nightmares and the guilt to leave him alone. And he confessed everything about the nightmares and how they've been haunting him for the last few months.

"But Simon, I forgive you" she told him, setting her hand on his shoulder.

"But I don't deserve it!" he cried, tears beginning to form under his eyes. "You trusted me and I betrayed you!"

"And you regretted that and apologized for it and I forgave you. What more is there?"

"I-i don't know... I don't think I deserve to be your friend." he'd finally confessed, looking at the other way.

"Maybe the problem is that you haven't forgiven yourself yet." she suggested, setting her gaze elsewhere as well.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that you're so hard on yourself for that mistake you did that even Gabo is concerned about what's going on with you."

"And what if I do "forgive myself" and the nightmares are still in my head? What do I do then?"

"I don't know, but..." she placed her hand on his again and set the other on his cheek to turn his gaze back to her."I'll be here for you"

The two teens kept staring at each other's eyes until Asha's gaze turned to the book Simon was holding.

"What are you reading?" She asked, curiosity filling her eyes.

"Just some fairytales"

"W-would you mind reading them aloud so that I can hear?"

"Sure!"

And so Simon began reading one of his favorite stories as Asha scooched in closer to him.

It didn't take long for the young sleep deprived man to fall asleep once again.

The nightmare played the same way as it always did, but for the second time that day around the end of it, he'd find himself in control again and this time he'd warn Asha about Magnifico's plan and help her go to the castle fast and stop him.

Simon woke up and next to him, Asha was still there and had also fallen asleep next to him with her head resting on his shoulder. The sky had darkened and the moon was up. The horse had even bent down and proceeded to sleep as well.

Simon eventually explained to his other friends about the nightmares and decided to accept the queen's second chance offer and begun training for the next tryouts. He even started taking Asha with him on horse riding sessions and stop by the same spot they fell asleep at where they'd sit to read other stories from the book and take small quick naps together, but this time they'd be home at their time or a little later than that.

He'd thought of waking her up, but ultimately, he ended up going back to sleep next to her. For the first time in a long while there was no nightmare playing in his head.

They stayed there for the remainder of the night and the morning when they returned home needless to say that neither Simon's parents nor Asha's mother were happy about what had happened, but for the two teens it was all worth it in the end, even if he got in trouble at the castle for the horse's longer than expected absence.

The nightmares didn't leave for a while. They came and went, making sleeping hard for Simon, but as time progressed and he began focusing more on his future than his past, they began to fade away until they were gone for good and never returned.

[iightbringer]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝓲. ︱ introduction.

hello all, thank you for taking the time to read this silly little blog intro!  my name is lucifer and you may use any pronouns you feel fit for me, i’m not picky in the least. i am twenty this year and a proud virgin— i mean .. virgo. i’m terrible at writing bio’s, so here’s just a few things to know about me — i come from a land down unda, i sow chaos, confusion and mild amounts of concern in the hearts of everyone i meet and oh, did i mention how much i fucking love frogs? like, i can’t get enough of those funky little guys. that muppet has inexplicably and irreparably ruined me. and now, moving right along with a word from our sponsor, who just so happens to be the most beautiful, amazing girl in the entire world — my darling girlfriend! love you, boo <3

❝⠀⠀ hi. i'm lucifer's 𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖉 &. today i'm here 2 talk abt the one nd the only: lucifer. first, they vvv friendly. it's almost scary bc who tf is that nice. well i have news for u. they are. i'm still shy to approach them even if we're tgt bc they like. rly talented. they modest asf but they're rly good at everything they do. esp writing. nd art. like girl i can't even begin to tell u. u hve to see for yourself. also: charming. so playful but in endearing way. and. that dumbass never fails to make me smile. 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭: so. protective. their loyalty is absolutely. shocking. nd they dn't just give that away. next slide: observant. and so focused on details &. ideas. constantly thinking abt smth. seeing them brainstorm or voice their opinion will never not be fascinating. furthermore: they genuine &. best believe they'll keep it 𝟏𝟎𝟎 w u. they dn't play w bs yk. it took a lot for me to understand they hve good intentions. they're good to me, &. they treat me so well. but now ik it's bc they truly love me. to close: i'm not the type to say sappy things. even tho that's all i did. but meeting them would be so worth it. it was for me. but u better not hurt them. or i'll hve a nice chat with u. anyway. ty for reading this far. if u need me, i'll be busy planning lucifer's demise. farewell.⠀⠀❞

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀— ⠀⠀⠀ signed, 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖎𝖆. ⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝓲𝓲. ︱ interests.

  ⠀⠀⠀these are the things i enjoy doing⠀…

★ ⠀⠀writing. cosplaying. crafting. roleplaying. drawing. gardening. painting. gaming. singing (badly).

  ⠀⠀⠀and these are a few of my favourite things⠀…

★ ⠀⠀horror movies. fizzy drinks. the colour white. jensen ackles. stuffed animals. religious imagery. vintage music. zombies. andrew scott. musical theatre. mod fashion. imagine dragons. aussie representation. theology. gore. trixie mattel. rainbows. mental stability. pokemon. cats. shopping. crime shows.

  ⠀⠀⠀shows i’m into ⠀…

★ ⠀⠀house m.d. supernatural. the walking dead⁺. banshee. you. hannibal. dexter. sherlock. american horror story⁺. criminal minds. scream queens. lucifer. squid game. the boys. the last of us. hazbin hotel. fallout.

  ⠀⠀⠀games i’ve played ⠀…

★ ⠀⠀bioshock⁺. mass effect. resident evil⁺. outlast. beyond: two souls. telltales the walking dead⁺. undertale. alice: madness returns. the quarry. detroit: become human. baldurs gate 3. batman: the telltale series⁺. heavy rain. alien: isolation. we happy few⁺. the last of us. until dawn. death stranding. corpse party.

and for a comprehensive list of horror & marvel movies i’ve seen, click here. 

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝓲𝓲𝓲. ︱ information.

if you’re interested in a roleplay with me, please do feel free to send me a message and i’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible. i do not & will not roleplay with anyone under the age of eighteen.

  ⠀⠀⠀ do not follow this account if you ⠀…

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀— ⠀⠀⠀ are sexist, any sort of phobic, racist, etc. 

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀— ⠀⠀⠀ promote/post about drugs, alcohol or smoking oorp.

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀— ⠀⠀⠀ are a nsfw blog or frequently post nsfw content.

and i think that’s all, folks. thanks for stopping by and have a lovely day, wherever you are. peace!

[iputthediscoindiscourse]

also its really frustrating that despite radical feminism being so misportrayed in the mainstream, many people on here wont take 2 seconds to think about what you mean by tradfem and automatically assume the worst caricatured sexist version possible. whereas i hve seen lots of content on here that technically follows under tradfem that centers on women setting standards and boundaries on the men they allow in their lives, refusing sexualization, enjoying traditionally female roles but the ones that are actually valuable work (childrearing, cooking, sewing etc.) not stupid pornified stuff. like does it suck that for centuries women were forced into those roles? duh! but there is also so much valuable female knowledge there, it is a sphere where women worked together and apart from men and i totally get not being interested in it but its sad to see it disregarded just bc of its origins. anyways sorry to rant in your inbox. i just really Felt ur post lol

also its really frustrating that despite radical feminism being so misportrayed in the mainstream, many people on here wont take 2 seconds to think about what you mean by tradfem and automatically assume the worst caricatured sexist version possible.

Exactly!! Like it seems like tradfem seems to be a trigger word to them and it sends the worst to me. Like all I want is a good partner who will take care of me, and a house to turn into a home. Which is like very traditional, you know? I just want to serve the creator, and have a simple life, which shouldn't piss people off but I digress. Like I grew up with a stay at home mother, and that was a hot mess for many many reasons which is why I was very very hyper independent until recently. Like it was a trauma response and honestly I am too mentally ill to be that independent. Like I function better when being take care of by a lover. And honestly I cannot wait for the day I am married and am able to dotted on my future spouse and create a home full of love happiness and laughter with them.

whereas i hve seen lots of content on here that technically follows under tradfem that centers on women setting standards and boundaries on the men they allow in their lives, refusing sexualization, enjoying traditionally female roles but the ones that are actually valuable work (childrearing, cooking, sewing etc.) not stupid pornified stuff.

Like honestly, if you want me to get religious on main. In both Judaism and Islam, there is religious law that basically protects and gives women rights, which in the middle ages and up til recently in human history it was extremely progressive. Like in both religious, if you, the woman, are not sexually satisfied with your husband you can divorce him!! Along with that, in Islam, his money is your money, and he cannot touch your money if you decide to work; Judaism has similar protections. Which is partly why I like dating Jewish or Muslim men cause they seem to treat me better than secular non religious men. But I will say if I am not nearly as religious as them, they can become cunts so it is a double edged sword. But when it comes to like women's work I personally prefer childrearing and cooking way better than other stuff, like i plan to get more college degrees but it is just to give myself more credentials for my writing and cause the thought of being a children's librarian sounds so lovely. Because children's media is a special interest of mine and i love talking/studying it!! Also now that I think of it the fact they instantly think of the pornified shit just proves they are really into black and white thinking and probably have some shit they need to work out tbh.

like does it suck that for centuries women were forced into those roles? duh! but there is also so much valuable female knowledge there, it is a sphere where women worked together and apart from men and i totally get not being interested in it but its sad to see it disregarded just bc of its origins.

Exactly!! Like I would never want anyone to be forced to do anything they didn't want to. Like this world needs all kinds of wonderful personalities and people who specialize in all kinds of different work. Personally I just want to be a role model for children who come from the background I did to show them it gets better. While advocating for better rights for both children and women. Just because I want to be more traditional in my work doesn't make me bad or good. It is just a neutral quality you know. The only reason it so demonized by both males and radfems is because it is gendered as female. Which is straight up sexism imho.

anyways sorry to rant in your inbox. i just really Felt ur post lol

don't be sorry!! I loved reading this and glad someone else feels the same way dear!! Love and power to you <3

[ryuubff]

I am absolutely shot from school but I still have enough energy for kzx hcs.. here are two for tonight it’s all I can think up

1- xiao probably told kazuha he doesn’t need to use as many pretty words in conversation (a failed attempt at eliminating the source of his butterflies, it was not just the words, but also kazuhas voice), but then finds himself trying to speak with more elegance as well to impress kzuha (he thinks it’s cute and absolutely catches on)

2- when xiao kisses kazuha, it always feels so freeing to him, and in those moments he can see himself for his true value, it allows him to clean his blood stained hands for a moment while he savors the feeling of being loved by someone so amazing. basically if kazuha is able to love him he must have some greater value than he saw in himself before 🌼

1. kfjekchwihdienfoejfornf so cute that xiao tries to imitate his flowery language to make up for his bluntness and kazuha finding it endearing!! he would probably try and teach him inazuman metaphors too if xiao was interested and also how to write haikus 🥹

2. it is a nice feeling to feel like you hve some self worth when you know youre worth fighting for by the one you love so much and he could truly feel the meaning of freedom (so cliche but so true in the case of an Anemo user)

[jwowwsboobs]

luvvvvvvvwv how everytime im like ive wrrten a song time 2 record it while im recording it i realize how important the drums r n then i try 2 make a drum track n then i

[lettheladylead]

just because your opinion and headcanons are important to me sksksk 1. what three wishes would goldie make? 2. goldie's favorite adventure with scrooge. and the one she hates and wished it never happened or it was just bad. 3. how many times goldie would catch scrooge flirting with someone else in... 60s?? maybe?? 4. has goldie ever fallen in love with someone before scrooge? or just had a crush?? like a big one, but not the same as scrooge? 5. goldie teaches scrooge how to dance or is it the one thing she found out about him when she didn't expected?? 6. what scrooge knows about her life before 1897? 7. did ever goldie wanted kids of her own? (well if dickie doesn't exist or before her) 8. scrooge singing to goldie?? how and when. and why.

aw OK let's see what i can do

1. so this is a tough one. even though scrooge describes goldie as someone who takes the easy way out, she seems proud of the fact that she still earns what she has. she may cheat or steal but she still went through the effort of learning how to cheat and steal properly lol so i can't think of any particular item she'd wish for. and she wouldn't wish for scrooge's heart 'cause she already has it. maybe she'd wish for the opportunity to talk to her parents/siblings one last time?

i can see goldie teasing everyone with her wish making opportunity and act like shes gonna wish to be richer than scrooge but then her actual wish is pretty selfless. something for louie or donald or della maybe

2. i'm gonna hold off on this one 'cause the fic i'm currently writing has a lot of adventures in it and maybe one of those would be her fave >:3c but also i like to think their adventure on Oak Island was really bad for both of them. like they were in a very bad place afterwards

3. lololllll they probably didn't see each other too much in the 60s, but i think goldie would see scrooge and beakley together and immediately assume a lot about the relationship. she seems like the type of jealous who throws her sexy self in front of scrooge to remind him what he's already got. something that'll make the person he's talking to annoyed enought o leave

4. i think goldie had plenty of relationships before scrooge. i don't think she was really in LOVE, maybe she could've had one or two serious relationships, but they wouldn't have lasted that long. goldie is too focused on herself and her survival to focus on a relationship with a normal guy

5. he knows the basics but goldie teaches him how to have fun while he dances ;)

6. NOT MUCH. scrooge loves to talk about himself and goldie does not love to talk about her family or her history before she was a successful saloon owner. gradually, over the years of knowing each other, scrooge will learn bits and pieces. and at some point he would definitely bring up the fact that he doesn't know anything about her childhood but she would dismiss his concern.

7. yes. probably. goldie didn't really think about kids until scrooge came into her life and then the thought came to her occasionally. i like the idea that goldie physically can't have kids but if she COULD have kids then the "fresh start" stuff becomes like. "scrooge i would like to hve your babies and have a family with you and now we're young enough thats its doable"

8. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. the first time he sings in front of her would probably be a casual moment like he's trying to think of a song and she's not being helpful so he hums/sings it and goldie's like "woooooowwwww why am i always being the distraction when you can sing too?" and then he'd get embarrassed and stop

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph!!

So I was just wondering what your absolute favourite fic is, because you have friggin AWESOME taste and I would love to read it!

Have an absolutely amazing day!! xx

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hi Steph! I hve the ultimate request. Can you recommend your favourite fic of All Time?

-------

OOOF you guys must’ve read each other’s minds, LOL. Ahhh, Octopus, this is very high praise, so thank you. I’m pleased that my fave reads are also becoming y’all’s faves!

AHHHH this is such a tough one, because I love so many fics. So to start off, here’s some lists you might enjoy:

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Ten Fave Short Johnlock Fics (Easy Reads April 2018)

25 Fave Johnlock One Shots (April 2018)

Top 10 Fave Fics (September 2018)

Top 20 Bookmarks of 2018 (March 2019)

Another Top 10 Fave Fics (June 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

Top 25 Fave Non-Ao3 Fics (Nov. 2019)

Top 25 Bookmarks of 2019 (Dec. 29/2019)

I’ve read many fics over the years, but even after all this time, I absolutely still have to say that this one is still currently my fave fic ever:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

I’ve gone back to this fic so often I can pretty much read it on the back of my eyelids. I love the characterizations, and I love how each chapter starts as a flashback to John’s life. It’s so good. It’s fake relationship from Sherlock’s POV, which are rare already, and just the progression of their relationship feels so natural. 

Plus, Sherlock has a John in his mind palace that he dresses up like a paper doll. I LOVE IT.

So yeah, please check out that fic. It’s one of my fave of all time. It’s silly and cute and JUST the right length, and I often go back to it if I’ve read a string of fics I just couldn’t get into. <3

I’d love to do a comic version of it, but my time management skills are garbage so I doubt it would ever happen, plus I don’t want to take away from the author so yeah. *shrugs*

Actually, another REALLY close contender, one that I’ve also read a tonne, is this one:

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

It was actually my fave BEFORE I read Promise, so yeah, two great fics if you’re looking for a couple shorter fics to read in a pinch.

Actually, let’s do the history, LOL. Here’s a couple of my fave long fics:

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

This one was my fave BEFORE Iris, but I also go back to it quite often if I want something longer to wrap comfortably around me. Also this one:

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

The fave fic BEFORE MBS LOL.

AND finally, my VERY FIRST fave Sherlock fic:

The Green Blade by verityburns (T, 72,929 w., 15 Ch. || Casefic, Bromance) – As a serial killer hits the headlines, the police are out of their depth and the next victim is out of time. With faith in Sherlock Holmes at an all time low, this is a case which will push loyalties to the limit...

When I first got into fandom, I read this one IN BETWEEN EVERY FIC I READ. I love it so much. I actually first read it on FFNet. THAT’S how old this one is. I only recently was shown it’s on Ao3 and I was SO happy I was able to have an eBook version of it now! <3

So yeah, check out those fics, LOL. I’ve SO many new faves, honest to goodness, and new fave authors to add to my list, AND I’m CERTAIN that I’ve still to read more of my fics that will be my faves in my 90 pages of MFLs on Ao3 LOL. But yeah, these fics are like coming home to a hot cocoa and warm blankie on a cold night. Not just because of my love for them, but there’s something about a fic that you’ve already ready countless times, and not having to invest too much energy into getting into that world again, but instead just REALLY taking in your favourite parts of those fics and just smiling and feeling all squidgy all over again at your fave parts. <3

That all said, please, authors, never stop writing. I love reading your worlds <3

What’s your fave fics, Lovelies? 

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[365days365movies]

February 15, 2021: Call Me by Your Name (Part 2)

I’m back! OK, now, where were we? Ah, yes, the inevitable first kiss! Let us continue. First part of the Recap is right here!

Recap (2/2)

So, about that kiss. Oliver indulges that (and some similarly forward moves by Elio), but does note that they can’t embrace those feelings any further. However, that’s not really going to stop much, it would seem.

See, they drive back, and some family members are over at the Professor’s place, arguing about something. This is accompanied by a spontaneous nosebleed of Elio’s, which he’s apparently prone to, and he runs into the house to get some ice. He’s followed by Oliver, who gives him a foot massage to calm him down. Not helping with the whole “we can’t be together” thing, Oliver, my Lord.

After this Chiara and Marzia come over, and the group go to a local pool which is...VERY green. Like, concerningly so. But anyway, Elio returns home, where his mother asks if she like Oliver (and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean as a friend), and she notes that Oliver likes him in return. Damn, progressive mom for the 1980s, but that may also be because she’s French, to be fair.

For the rest of the day, Elio waits around for Oliver, and when he does return home, he chooses not to talk with Elio, who labels him a “traitor.” Time for the falling out phase of their relationship, before their relationship truly begins.

The next night, Elio goes on a date with Marzia, and the two have sex, which Elio seems to enjoy quite a bit. It’s weirdly charming, also? Not sure how to explain that, you’ve gotta watch it. It just has this very real nuance to it that I appreciate. But afterwards, Elio writes a message to Oliver, whom he’s tired of getting the silent treatment from.

However, the next day, the Professor and Oliver are looking at new images from their archaeological site, and the entire conversation is VERY obviously laced with homoerotic dialogue and innuendo, which the Professor seems to be TOTALLY aware of, for the record. Elio finds that Oliver’s left a note for him, telling him that they’ll meet at midnight.

But before midnight, Elio and Marzia have a little rendezvous once again, if you know what I mean. This is followed by a visit from a relative (not sure the relation, didn’t catch that, sorry), and his male partner. Which, yeah, is neat to see. Looks like the Perlmans are quite progressive, especially given the time period. Honestly, that’s a welcome break from Brokeback Mountain.

But, uh, here’s the thing...it’s midnight now. And Elio and Oliver hve been checking their watches for the entire day. And, uh...let’s just say that the sequence is detailed in its elicitness. This movie’s rated R for a reason, after all. Well, eventually, anyway. It’s awkward at first, and takes them a bit to, uh, get started. And when they get started...they get STARTED.

But during the process, Oliver asks that they swap names. In other words:

Call me by your name, and I’ll call you by mine.

OK...but why? I guess we’ll eventually find that out. But it’s definitely an interesting request. Anyway, the next morning comes, after a night of guys bein’ dudes. That Vine reference comes from my girlfriend. Say hello, girlfriend.

She says hi. That next day, the two go biking, they go swimming in a lake, and things seem...tense. Smething about what had happened last night is eating away at Elio, and Oliver asks if he’s going to hold it against him. Looks like it’s Elio’s turn to provide the silent treatment for...whatever reason. The GF seems to think that somebody didn’t, uh...finish, and their interaction seems to confirm that.

However, they get past these initial awkwardness, and head into town to do errands together, where Oliver reveals that he’s happy the previous night happened, and that he was worried that he’d mess Elio up, psychologically and emotionally. But it doesn’t seem the case, and they start to actively embrace their relationship. 

 But things aren’t...perfect for Elio, from a sexual standpoint. Whatever happened the previous night may have him feeling a bit unsatisfied. Enter...the peach. Possibly literally.

Yeah, so Elio picks this peach, and is initially about to eat it, going straight for the pit. And then, the peach goes away from the mouth...downwards...into the pants. And can I just say..that’s gonna be SO sticky. And, uh, not in the sexual way, I mean LITERALLY that’s gotta be so sticky. Also, do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants. Quote from the GF, that one.

Later on, Oliver finds the fruit and chides him about it. Elio asks whether he’s sick. And I say, no. You’re 17. Lot of hormones in there at 17. I mean, did I ever give the sexy eyes to a drupe at any point in my teenage years? I mean no, admittedly I did not. But, y’know, it’s 17. He’s still figuring shit out.

Anyway, stupid jokes aside, this chiding kinda FUCKS Elio up for a sec, as he’s legitimately ashamed of that action. Oliver comforts him, and the two have a heart-to-heart about what little time they actually have left. Oliver admits that he didn’t act on his feelings earlier because he was afraid of it being perceived as a form of molestation. And...yeah, fair, even I pointed that out earlier.

The next morning, who should show up but Marzia, who has heard from him at all in three days! WHOOF. She’s understandably heartbroken, as she’s trying to understand their relationship, and Elio’s COMPLETELY cut her off of that. Which, fuckin’ OW. Kids. Accidental cruelty runs par with the course sometimes.

Time grows short for the two, and Elio’s folks encourage him to go on a small trip with Oliver to the city of Bergamo. They’re DEFNITELY aware of their relationship, and super-supportive. And that’s honestly pretty goddamn sweet, I think. Elio goes on the trip, and they have a legit vacation together in a very nice locale.

The two go out one night, and Elio vomits for...some reason, I’m not entirely sure why. But it is enforcing my beliefs that Chalamet is just a sickly Victorian boy slowly dying of consumption, who was somehow transported into the future I WILL PROVE THIS THEORY IF IT KILLS HIM. BY THE CONSUMPTION

Well, the two spend three days together, and then...it’s over. Oliver leaves to go back home to the USA, and they say goodbye at the train station. And Elio’s kind of...broken. He calls his mom to pick him up, and she agrees. On the way home, he breaks down in the car, clearly heartbroken by the departure of Oliver.

When they get back to their village, Marzia greets him, and says that she understands how he feels, and that she forgives him. I like Marzia a lot, honestly. The two agree to be friends for life. It’s very sweet.

But sadly, it’s inevitably little comfort for Elio, who’s deep deep DEEEEEEP in depression over a love departed too soon. His father talks to him, and notes that the two had a nice friendship. However, it’s quite quickly revealed that he understands exactly what their relationship was in full. In fact, it’s implied that he had a relationship VERY much like Elio had in his youth. And this speech that he gives...FUCK ME, man I DREAM of eing a father this understanding and supportive! Hopefullly one day I can be, but I don’t think it’ll measure up to this.

Summer turns to fall turns to winter, and Hannukah is here! Oliver calls the house, and Elio answers the phone. However, while the initial greeting is happy, it’s quickly tempered by another set of news: Oliver’s engaged. To a woman with whom he;s been in an off-and-on relationship for 3 years.

And I was ALL SET to be pissed off by YET MORE INFIDELITY...but it seems like they might have been off at the time, so I’ll let this one slide with HOPEFUL THOUGHTS THAT OLIVER WASN’T CHEATING ON HER. Anyway, Elio whispers his own name into the phone, to which Oliver responds with his name, acknowledging and affirming their summer love. They get off the phone and Elio stares into the fireplace and cries, remembering the love they felt for each other.

And that...is Call Me By Your Name. Also, I want to note that he’s staring into the fireplace over the ENTIRE CREDIT SEQUENCE, followed by his smile and staring directly into the camera. Goddamn, people, I get it! I get why you all love Chalamet so goddamn much, he’s amazing. But, of course...I’ll get to that in the Review. See you there!

[astrangeraccoon]

BNHA rambles: The quirk apprehension test

.Okay so as I said, this is a special part in my rambles dedicated to the quirk apprehension test in episode 5-6.

-First of all I think Aizawa is smart to do that3. I mean this kids are going to spend the next 3 years of their life training to put their life in danger to save other. This is a huge responsibility (that probably shouldn’t be put on the shoulder of 15-16 year old teens but that neither here nor there), and they need to realise that. They can’t be here to play and they need to be ready to give it their best

-In the same vein the little speach about unfairness and how heroes are the onethat have to try and bring back some fairness is 1) totally true,2) something they need to realise now and t3) add to what I was saying before

-As for the threat of explusion, I would have called it a dirty trick if he hadn’t been 100% serious about it and I also think it caracterise Aizawa teaching methode. He is a really harsh teacher, more likely to use the stick than the carrot. But that because he care about them. Because as he said there’s nothing worst than loosing your dream when your halway ther. Especially since faillure in their line of works mean death.

-Now that doesn’t mean that he could be a little less of a bastard when he announce it.

Now that the general overview is done, lets go over some details:

-Seeing class 1A finding how to use their quirk was pretty impressive.

-Having some insight about how smart Bakugo can be especially about the use of his own quirk was interresting, as was seeing the best performance of some of the other student.

Now onto the negatif:

-Aizawa having it out for Izuku is pretty bad wich I’m going to extand on afterwards.

-Speaking of Izuku, WTF eraserhead? You do not let a 15 year old child continue in what is basiclly a sport competion with a broken finger. You could tell me ‘but hero will have to be able to fight injure’ and I’ll answer that I don’t care. This is the first day of school, you have a medic on site who can heal him in a matter of second meaning you don’t even loose time. I mean even if he wanted for Izuku to have to face the consequences of his action the fact that he would hve been really tired would have been a good enough disadventage.

-I mean really, I know Aizawa doesn’t know about Izuku past or his self sacrifying streak, but by making him continue to do the test injured he’s basically telling him that this is normal, and that he should continue to fight while injured, and this coupled with the bellitling of Iizuku past teacher is just a golden ticket to encourage Izuku self destructive tendancy.

(Yes I’m mad about this)

-Also I know he said he wasn’t going to explain how he marked those score but I would like Aizawa to tell me how he did it. Because it can’t have been just the result because there’s no way Izuku would have been last. I mean my boy Izuku can walk around while carrying All Might (who weight 255kg) and just had ten months of extremely intensive training. Theres no way he scored this low (we only see the best result for most of the test and we know that he was at least a bit faster than Uraraka. So... This results don’t make sence.

-I mean he probably took into account the ways they use their quirk and their creativity (Bc I don’t think Eraser would be one to do a so blatlantly biased test for physical quirk when he himself doesn’t have one). But even tking that into account it’s still pretty clear that he had it out for Izuku because how did Toru even use her quirk? She’s litterally just being invisible. Same with Jirou or kaminari whose quirk cannot have been that usefull.

(On a lighter note, Yaorosu seeing that psychopatic hobo of a teacher that is eraserhead threatening their classes of expulsion and thinking he’s joking, oh my sweet summer child)

Also Aizawa creepy smile at being both surprised and proud of Izuku solution and realising he has potential, I love it

Now onto Aizawa having it out for Izuku and why it is bad

-I’ll start by saying that I understand where Aizawa is comming from. I mean you teach bunch of kids trying to becaume what is basically superpowered soldier who will have to put their live on the line everyday, and then you’re faced with an overpowered kid that visibly doesn’t have any controle over a quirk you hink he had for at least 10 years... Yeah I’d be mad too and if those information had been wright I would have totally agreed with his reaction.

(I would also like to know why he doesn’t know the fact that izuku didn’t have a quirk until like a month ago but that another can of worm that we’re not gonna open today)

-I als get the lecture he gives Izuku because it’s true that he cant go around breaking his limbs, because it WILL make him a liability and highen his chance of getting killed

But his assumption are false and that’s why I think his reaction is bad (I haven’t go farther than episode 7 so some of the reaction I’m talking about are probably more fanon than canon at this point but I’m still going to write them):

-First he’s acting just like every other teacher Izuku ever had, meaning he’s belittling him and his dream, using his quirk against him (which, while it is legal and not harmfull here, is just like we saw at least one of his middle school teacher do), putting him on the spot and tearing into him in front of everyone and while no one laugh here this was the exact same situation he was faced with everyday in school before.

-Let’s add to the quirk usage the fact that it is erasure, so Izuku must have had a moment of pure panic because the quirk he just received, the one that finally made him ‘normal’, just disapeared without notice and that even for a second he must hav wondered if he had become quirkless again before hearing aizawa say it’s his quirk doing it. (quick reminder that up until now they didn’t know who their teacher really was nor did they know his quirk)

-Does anyone think that Izuku is scared of Erasure? O r at least uneasy about it everytime it’s used against him?

-Also he told Izuku that he was basically useless and that he couldn’t be a hero. Which is what everyone told him up to now but it’s even worst because he says that ‘with this power’ he can’t be a hero, which could basically be translated in Izuku’s mind by even with his new quirk, he’s still worthless.

-And while that’s speach hurt Me, it visibly hurt Izuku too. And even if he was able to use it to find a solution that doesn’t mean the hurt is gone.

All of this to says that while it wasn”t Aizawa attention, he just put Izuku right into a copy of the toxic environment he had been raised in. Which probbly mean that he didn’t trust Aizawa at all at least until USJ, (bc everyone know there’s no beter way to show you care than nerly dying to protect them) and was probably really wary of him for a petty long time even afterwards. And by extention he probably felt the same way around every other teacher except for all might which must have made him really skittish and really tensed and it can’t have been the nicest experience.

Which make me wonder if he would have trust any of his teacher without the USJ

(Lets make this worse by sying that he can’t know for sure that Aizawa doesn’t know he used to be quirkless and he treats him that way because of that (we know he doesn’t but anxiety is a bitch and she like to take hold of the most minuscule doubt and make it seems possible)

Okay, that was a lot but, yeah that sum up my thought pretty well on the whole ordeal. See you next part 

Aya’s out!

[modern-oedipus]

Kinda a personal post that is not required to read but just first line is enough

Also I couldn’t get back to much of personal messages today because:

• i threw up in the morning and it shoookth me

• was running on 2 hours sleep

• had 8 hours of continious lecture and barely made it home just now, eaten, and calmed her shit down

•has 3 assingments and 2 quizzes due tomorrow

•did I mention, I can hear my own breath making Z z Z z Z z z Z sounds due to post-asthma hypersensitive body or SOME anNOYING THING that doctors said

• im mentally unwell because someone I love is mentally unwell and I can’t do a thing to help him regardless of my efforts and also i feel quite sad and desperate in general even though I do my best to not just let it go and get in a depresso mood

• so like. Responsibilities piled up, emotionally at my limit, physically sick, but at least not in so much physical pain.

I haven’t let anything go, though! I take care of my sick body regardless, I try to eat healthy, I /am/ doing the responsibilities one by one and making sure I finish them even if it costs me some sleep, I am trying to mentally reassure myself to things and although I haven’t got to write them down yet I planned some 2020 resolutions and cleaning; they have been on my mind for a long while now so if it all goes well I am planning to get a better start at the new year! I think I have done fairly well in 2019, most of my resolutions came to true by my own efforts anyway.

Anyway I didnt have to give a long explanation about why I was like this, I’d just say “I’m unavailable” if I didn’t want to share, but since I know that most of you care about me as friends (and I care about you as friends too, obviously, that’s a two sided thing), I thought those who care may read, just to have somr sort of idea about why Nila is shitposting but not individually replying. Those who don’t care (with no offense in them since no one is obligated to) have long scrolled past this, anyway.

Ihh I’m tired! Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, I’m tired at all aspects but worse? I objectively don’t think it will get better. But I also objectively know that I hve no choice but to work to make it better because I love my life that I regained after so much hard work and battling with d, I love my family and friends whose days we brighten together, I (sort of) love my scientific research even tho science doesn’t seem to love me, I love the stories I am writing and the newspaper I am managing, I love walking in the soft wind, I love coffee talks and fun dates and hook ups, I love my pets and I love everyone who reached out to me and befriended me here on this account, I love reading/writing comments to the ao3 and reading/writing replies back to them, I love the fandom stuff we organize, I love working out and then having that serotonin boost, I love offering a newly baked recipte to family/friends, I love casual hook ups and if and when I’m in a relationship (my last rl lasted 3 years sooo... rip.. that was most of my life) I do love loving and being loved in return, I mean, I even love doing laundry like it is such a nice feeling to put all dirt in a machine and then take it back perfectly clean and cozy and nicely smelling, like idk, because of all these things (and more that I forgot to add) I can’t give up from my life and I can’t stop fighting for it to be better. I can’t give up from myself or my loved ones. There is so much to live for.

P.S. I also low key live for the days Given, To Die For, the “photographer Ray” au whose name I forgot, and the teacher/student norray fics ( ;) ) gets updated. I mean I’m sure I’m reading many more fics but these are the stuff I have been looking forward to ever since August or something and just knowing that one day I /MAY/ read a chapter of them sometimes make me motivated enough to go through a day. Also spaceomania’s (damn did I spell that right?! I’m absolutely NOT tagging anyone to this long ass post, don’t want them to go trouble reading it aLL) comments like I’m sure they made not just me but many other authors write a lot more happily than they normally would, oh I also live for Ardency but I am too scared to read it because itnis eNDING so I will procrastinate it, but like, yes.

I have reasons to keep going, I have reasons to stay strong. I may not be feeling my best now and my problems may not be fixed overnight but I have no choice but to have faith in myself & people I love & things I believe in (now, “believe” sounds so non-scientific but that’s subject for another day), so, I’ll go on.

I usually don’t like opening up about suicide or depression since I just think that’s way too personal to talk about (I still havent declared why it happened and I dont think Iw anna talk about it anyway), but, in case someone with suicidal tendencies is reading this (first of all congrats for coming thru this essay idk what kept you here but you’re amazing), just, remember that a year ago I was at where you are and, well, THIS is my mindset now. I am not telling you to compare your journey with mine or anyone else’s. I am just proving you that a way out of that dark tunnel is perfectly possible for you and even if my current situation may not be ideal (to be honest, is there even an ideal life? Problems will always exist), I’m gratefulthat I have got enough reasons to fight for. Sure, my energy still drains sometimes (hence why regular text talk with Nila is difficult. No she doesnt have adhd or anything. She has a fairly good attention span. She just lacks the friggin energy), but I restore it before it gets out of hand. Stuff like that. It’s possible, not for just me, but for you and for everyone. I’m not a publicly-spoken-social-norm-warrior or anything but I will always stand up for anyone who is feeling suicidal tendencies because no—

As someone who went through that, just, no.

Don’t.

Let’s make 2020 better.

*and here my friends, you went through a good representation of what it is like to be in my brain changing 485858 subjects. Anyway NOW that I let ut out I need to do my assignment. I want to reply back to you insividually bevause texting you all makes me feel warm and happy and i also wanna check on you but i need ti restrore my enrgy (i actually tried texting whdn my mood was low and I think I frightened some people over sudden agression so I’d rather text you wisely than text you randomly), so, see you all soon!

I know it is not just me going through shit in her life. So, know that I’m cheering for you and I am always in for friends bringing best of each other, so if you really read this far go do the thing you procrastinate!! Bud!! Go do it!! It’ll feel better!

What a conclusion tho

[hello-justawriterofthings]

Someone who Loves You ( Without Me Part 2 ) - Billy Hargrove

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Hey guys, We’re finally here! this is part 2 to Without me. It's not really based off the song this time. I was excited to write this, I just want to Thank everyone for the Amazing support I got on the first part, I appreciate it so much. I hope everyone enjoys <3 { Warnings - Language and angst. I make a lot of Freddy Krueger puns, so bare with me }

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I let out an aggravated huff as I walked up the Wheelers sidewalk on the Chilly October night, the Door opened and I was Greeted by a Smiling Karen, who quickly pulled me into a hug. " Nancy ans Steve are upstairs, still putting their costumes together. You know them, they wait until last minute and throw things together. Yours looks great by the way! " she stated motioning to my costume, if Freddy Krueger were a female, that'd be me. I wanted to go as something, unexpected. Not like the rest of our girls in school and I also wanted something that would hide my face somewhat, since I was avoiding Billy. I left classes early so I wouldn't run into him in the hallway, I ended up at classes 15 minutes early, I ate lunch in the office, after volunteering to be an office aid. I might hve been taking this to an extreme, but I already hurt from being used, I didn't want to feel the whole heartbreak. So, when Nancy guilt tripped me into going to this stupid Halloween party, I knew to expect Billy and his crew to be there. " Knock knock, Better Stay up late, because you're never gonna sleep again! " I chuckled as I entered Nancy's room, Steve rolled his eyes " How long were you rehearsing that one? ". I smirked " Long enough, can you tell that it's me under the makeup? ", Steve and Nancy both nodded. " Shit " I sighed while sitting on her bed, Nancy smiled " It's a great costume though Y/N, besides I doubt he'll even know your there, he's going to be wasted ". " No, he'll know. Yesterday he punched Tommy in the face when he made a nasty comment about you Y/N. Trust me, Billy has it bad " Steve then stated with a slight chuckle, " He only has it bad because I took away the only thing he wanted, the first girl to deny the great Billy Hargrove... Besides, I heard he was out with Jessica or Heather, or whoever he was with last week " I stated seriously while rolling my eyes. " He was not, those girls love making shit up! I don't think he's been out with anyone since you started ignoring him " Nancy exclaimed, " When did you you become Pro Billy? " I asked her with a brow raised. " I'm not, but when you were hanging out with you, you seemed happy. Happier then what you are now, you barely go out anymore because you're avoiding him. I miss you sometimes, it's different, you're different " she stated with a sigh, I didn't reply, but I did stand up and give her a hug, avoiding smudging my makeup I worked 3 hours to get right. Letting her know I was always here, she still had me as a friend.

Once we reached Tina's house, we all got out of Steve's car and made our way towards the party. " Is Jonathan coming? " I asked Nancy since she and him seemed to be be spending more time together recently, she shrugged " He was taking Will trick or Treating, I tried to talk him into it, but I don't know if my tactics worked ". I nodded while letting out a sigh, " Wow, great costumes guys! Thanks for Coming, Wooh!!! " Tina shouted over the music, already drunk. The three of us smiled awkwardly but headed towards the kitchen, I wasn't much of a drinker, but I needed an escape ( But still needed to stay level headed, because if I got too out of control, I end up in bed with Billy again ). When we reached the kitchen, I grabbed a plastic cup with people were calling ' Pure Fule '. " What are you supposed to be Y/N, a fashion victim " Carol stated with a smirk, but also rolled her eyes at the same time. Rebecca chuckled behind her, even though it wasn't funny at all. " I see you two decided not to wear a costumes, just the same old masks you were everyday. Slutty as always " I stated with a smile, walking further into the kitchen as Nancy and Steve decided to dance. " 1, 2 Freddy's coming for you! " I heard Billy shout loudly, " No No, Freddy's not coming for you anymore! " I sighed shaking my head as I quickly found an escape route, turning many corners to get away from him. When I managed to do so, I ended up running into someone else. " Woah, slow down Freddy " The guy chuckled, I sighed deeply " I'm so sorry... ". I looked at the guy, realizing it was Chad from art class. He chuckled " It's okay Y/N, great costume by the way. Make a statement, just because Freddy is a guy, doesn't mean a girl can't dress up like him for Halloween!... How have you been? ", I smiled " Thanks, I've been good, just dodging this guy ". " Hargrove? " he asked, I nodded letting out a deep sigh. " Well, I wish you luck with that then " Chad stated , I looked at him confused. An arm slung around my shoulder, " Buzz off Chad, she's mine! " Billy slurred. Chad held his arms up in defense with a smirk on his face, I pushed Billy's arm off me " I'm not yours, now leave me alone or I'm going to haunt you in your dreams! "{ End of the Freddy Krueger puns, promise }. I then walked away from him once more, not hearing him whisper behind me " You already haunt them ". I ended up leaving the party after that, unaware of what happened after that. I walked to the bus station and caught the closest bus that would end up close to my house. I sighed deeply, receiving weird looks from the other people in the station, I ignored it though. Once I got home, I sighed deeply. My dad wasn't home, thankfully he had left on a business trip that lasted until Tuesday. I went into the bathroom, stripped out of my clothes, jumped into the shower. Scrubbed off the three hours of work I had put into my makeup, the got into my pajama's and then climbed into bed, Good Fucking Night Halloween.

Since Halloween fell on a Friday, I got to lounge around all weekend at home and I planned on keeping it that way. Halfway through the day, around 4pm. There was a knock on the front door, making me groan deeply. I got up and answered it, Nancy rushed her way in while looking frazzled. " What happened to you last night, I thought you left with Hargrove! " she exclaimed quite dramatically, I rolled my eyes " You thought wrong, he was bugging me and I didn't want to deal with it ". " It;s just that, he left soon after I noticed that you were gone and I can't remember anything that happened after that. Steve won't answer my calls, I was worried about you, I was freaked out this morning " she then stated, making me nod " Billy's an idiot, he had so much to drink last night, he was drunk out of his mind. You know I'm not that stupid to get in a car with someone who's drunk, whether I love him or not! ". Nancy's eyes went wide " You love him, why didn't you tell me before ! ", I groaned deeply " Because I'm trying not love love him anymore, that's why I've been avoiding him ". " " Oh my gosh, your first love! " Nancy smiled widely, causing me to roll my eyes and groan " Okay, I think visiting hours are over ". " Y/N " Nancy sighed deeply, " No Nance, I'm trying to get over it okay. I'm going to move on and one day fnd someone who'll treat me better. No one ever ends up with who they date in high school anyway " I muttered loud enough for her to hear. She sighed once more while awkwardly nodded " Fine, I'll drop the subject. Can I stay and hangout with you for a while? ", I nodded " Okay, you can stay, but no more mention of my love life or I'm kicking you out ". She chuckled slightly, but she knew I wasn't joking.

Nancy ended up staying a few hours, we baked cookies, watched a dramatic movie and did little bit of homework. By the time she left it was almost dinner time, so I warmed up leftover pizza and made myself comfortable on the couch. That is until 10 minutes later, I heard a loud bang come from upstairs. I furrowed my brows, grabbed the closest objects to me, which happened to be my math book, then made my way upstairs. Checking all the rooms, until I landed on my own bedroom. I let out a deep sigh, then pushed open the door, only to see Billy laying on the floor groaning. " What the hell are you doing? " I asked tossing my matchbook onto my desk and placing my hands on my hips, " I wanted to talk, why did you move your furniture around, I expected to lad on your bed like I used too " he groaned while rubbing his knees. " Maybe you should've used the front door " I stated, he groaned once while getting to his feet " You wouldn't have answered and I saw that your window was open and took the chance ". " Your right, I wouldn't have answered. Because, when you avoid someone that's what you do " I stated walking out of my room and back downstairs, back to my pizza. Billy followed my of course. I sighed deeply while sitting back on the couch, " Y/n, are you going to avoid me forever? " he questioned sitting on the arm of the couch. " That's the plan " I stated with a smile, focusing back on the TV. Billy let out a deep huff, then grabbed the remote from my hand, switching off the television. " Billy, give it back! " I yelled, making him shake his head no. " Billy! " I exclaimed grabbing for it, making him stick it in his pants. " Go for it now " he smirked, making me roll my eyes " That's all you care about! ". He looked at me confused, " Sex! Billy, all you care about is sex! " I exclaimed loudly. " That's not true " he stated bluntly, making me roll my eyes. " If all I ever wanted was sex, I would have ditched you the minute after we fucked " he stated with a sigh, " You did, you were gone by the time I woke up and if you really cared about me, you would've stayed or at least told me you were leaving! " I snapped back. " You now my dad would've killed me " he stated, " You didn't care any time after that, when you were taking out other girls, your dad didn't expect you to come home those nights. So you ended up here, toying with my fucking feelings. You used me " I spat. He shook his head while fishing the remote out of his pants, dropping it on the coffee table, then started walking towards the front door. " I did not Y/N, I care about you! " he stated loudly on his way, " No! You wanted to talk, let's fucking talk! " I yelled chasing after him. " You only ever came around for sex and for me to make you feel good about yourself! You never once did the same for me, never cared about what was going on in my life or how I was feeling. You took advantage of my feelings, especially when I told you I loved you... So, if you can't accept that, then leave and don't ever come back. My feelings are just as important as yours, stop acting like your the only one that's been through shit! " I yelled, causing him to turn towards me with a softer look on his face, it reminded me of the look I saw the night I met him. It didn't last long, he got that harsh look on his face once more as he stomped his way towards his car, jumping in and then pulling out of my driveway like a bat out of hell. I only hoped now, he got the message.

The weekend passed quickly, as did the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. Finally confronting Billy about everything, felt rewarding and I stopped hiding from everything. He had yet to try to contact me again, so I guess he got the message. Wait, unless you count the midnight phone calls I had been receiving. I knew they were him, the caller never spoke, they waited until I said Hello three times before hanging up. Nancy said, that maybe my voice was like a security blanket, that he still wanted to hear it, maybe it helped him sleep. To that I rolled my eyes, it was just another way to annoy me, but I continued to answer those calls, because somewhere deep inside, I missed him. But after we all returned to school after the Thanksgiving he fell back into his old ways, he pretended as if I wasn't there, had a different girl on his arm everyday and always gave that said girl a ride home after school ( And we all know what happened on those ride homes ). As much as I wanted to stay strong and get over him, it seemed to be a lot harder than I thought. I found myself crying late at night about the old days with him, waiting for him to climb through my window and make everything okay again. Why couldn't I figure out what I wanted, I couldn't get my feelings in check. I'd curse at myself when I woke up in the morning, realizing I'd left my window open the previous night, on purpose. The relationship he and I had was unhealthy, I made the right decision when I ended things, but that thought never brought me any comfort. This pain I was feeling for that boy, was worse than when my parents got divorced, I wasn't sure how I'd get through it.

The week before the Winter Formal, notes had started appearing in my locker out of the blue. Simple ones at first, telling me how nice I looked, congratulating me on how well I did in science class, Odd things. At first I took it as a joke, kids at school were cruel and knew what had gone down between Billy and I. The notes though, were always signed - Someone who loves you. So, it couldn't be Billy, he didn't love anyone. I was taken by surprise when I opened my locker this morning and the note read - Be my date for the Formal? Circle Yes or no, then slip it in locker 306. Someone Who Loves You -. I didn't do anything with it at first, just put it in my pocket and made my way to my first class. I'd deal with it later. Once lunch came along, I grabbed my food and sat down at the normal table. Nancy and Jonathan joined soon after, I let out a deep sigh " I have to talk to you! ". Nancy looked worried as I pulled the note out of my pocket, slamming it on the table. " Oh no, what did Mr. Someone who loves you, say today? " Jonathan smirked, Nancy picked up the note and read it. " He asked her to the winter formal " Nancy smiled widely, I rolled my eyes " I'm not going ". Nancy then scoffed " What! Why not? ", " Because this is probably some prank on Carol's end, they all know what went on between Billy and I... I don't want to show up and be made a fool " I stated with a shrug. Nancy sighed " What if it's not a joke, what if someone actually like you in this school other than Us! Don't you want to find out? " again I shrugged " I'll think about ". She nodded, " What if it's Billy? Maybe hes trying to right his wrongs " Jonathan stated with a smiled. " Billy's locker number isn't 306, it's 490 " I sighed running my hand through my hair, " Well, we have to figure out who's locker is 360! " Nancy exclaimed. " We don't, I wasn't planning on going anyways, it's just a stupid dance " I stated honestly, " Just a stupid dance, I'm appalled! I'm on the dance committee, it's going to be amazing " Nancy stated dramatically. I just rolled my eyes, I hadn't made my mind up yet. This is my decision and only I could make it.

By the end of the day, I had slipped the note, that I had circled yes onto, back into locker 306, hoping I didn't just make a mistake. I got a ride home from Jonathan and when I arrived home, I wasn't surprised to find the house empty. My dad had been dating a new woman recently and he was gone most days / nights. Even though I spent so much time alone now, he seemed to be happy again, so I guess I approved. He was a good man and deserved it. In preparation for the Winter formal, Nancy and I planned on going dress shopping Wednesday after school. Mrs. Wheeler ended up driving us and dropping us off, before running errands of her own. Nancy was extra excited for the formal, she and Jonathan would be going together and I was very happy for the as well. What I wasn't happy about was because our town was so small, there was only one dress shop and it seemed other girls had the same idea coming after school. Wow, look who it is girls. Wheeler and her little side kick Y/L/N. Tell me, did you both finally find dates or are you going with each other " Carol stated with a cackle, I rolled my eyes " Just because this is a stupid dance, doesn't mean you can't go alone or with Friends ". She scoffed " Your lame is you go alone though, imagine how awkward the picture will be. Tommy and I are going together, Heather's going with Josh and Tina tell the who your date is ", " Billy " Tina smirked. Causing me to roll my eyes " Give me a break, did you really think I actually cared who your dates are? You and Tommy are always blowing each others ass holes and I remember both of you last year trying to fuck Steve, face it. You're both pathetic ", " then why are you talking to us, if we're so pathetic? " Carol smirked. " Well, I didn't start talking to you, you both came up to us as soon as we entered the store and started this. Clearly bored with your own lives and Now I'm ending it " I stated with a smile as I grabbed Nancy's arm and walked towards the back of the store. " I'm shocked Y/N, I didn't think tonight would end up like that. I don't get why they have to ruin everything " Nancy stated while looking through a rack of clothes, I just lent up against the wall and sighed " They aren't going anywhere in life, so they have ruin good times for everyone else to make themselves better ". She nodded, picking out a few dresses. I heard the bell ring and noticed Carol and Tina leave the store, carrying large bags with them. " Come Y/N, I know this started off bad, but let's make it more fun, your frown is bumming me out " Nancy then groaned, " Sorry, I just can't get excited for something like this. Especially when I know it's going to be a let down " I stated with a sigh as I glanced around the shop. " Why do you think it's going to be a let down " I stated with a serious look on her face, I shrugged slightly " I just feel like this is one big joke and I'm in the middle of it ". She let out a deep sigh " Well, at least you'll have us there if something goes down. You'll still have your friends to keep you company ", I nodded while sending her a smile " Okay fine! Let's stop talking about it and get back to dress shopping. I actually see something I'm interested in ". She smiled widely as we walked over to the strapless white dress that had pale color marks on it, I ended up getting that one in the end. Now with the formal only two days away, I was getting even more nervous, which was annoying. But what's done is done and hopefully, I wouldn't regret it in the end.

The night of the winter formal, Nancy and I were getting ready in her room, with the help of her mom. The day before I received another note from someone who loves you, saying they'd met me in the back parking lot at 9:30pm. That's about an hour after the dance began, so I'd be able to hangout with my friends before I had to meet this mystery person. Steve swore it was Billy, he said throughout the last week that Billy couldn't keep my name out of his mouth. I just brushed it off, Billy would never go to this amount of trouble to ask someone to the dance, let alone go to the dance, it wasn't his thing. I sat on Nancy's bed, flipping through a magazine as she curled her hair, I just couldn't stop thinking about tonight. It was driving me crazy, not knowing who this mystery person was and I was terrified of looking like a fool in front of the whole school. " Come on Y/N, your turn " Nancy stated wearing a large smile, I sent her a panicked look " That’s it, I'm not going, I changed my mind! ". Nancy let out a deep sigh knowing I'd been thinking far to into this and she was probably tired of hearing my worries. " Y/N, everything will be okay. It's only a stupid high school dance as you put it, but it's also a time to unwind from all the stresses of School and have fun with friends ", Nancy stated with a small smile " Don't let the fear get in the way of your happiness ". I took in her words and nodded, " And you have to go and find out who wins the title of the Ice Queen and King. I Won when I attended Hawkins High, I probably still have the Crown around here somewhere " Mrs. Wheeler stated proudly. Causing me to chuckle and Nancy to roll her eyes " Not now Mom ", I let out a deep sigh as Mrs. Wheeler left the room in search for her Ice Queen crown. " So, are you ready to get pretty? " Nancy asked with a small smile, " Bitch, I already am pretty, but there's always room for improvement! " I stated with my own smile. " Look girls I found it, I can imagine there much small nowadays! " Mrs. Wheeler exclaimed excitedly while walking back into Nancy's room with a large white crown on her head, Nancy groaned loudly as I chuckled, everything was going to be okay.

Jonathan picked Nancy and I up, looking very dashing himself. I let out a sigh as we got closer to the school, the nerves already setting in now. Nancy turned her head towards the backseat, " Hey, remember it'll be okay and besides, if things don't work out, you can always get Steve to dance with you " she stated with a smile. I rolled my eyes as we pulled into the packed parking lot, next to Steve's car. I let out a deep sigh as I stepped out of Jonathan's car, wishing I had worn a heavier sweater. " Wow Y/N, you look... The best I've ever seen you look. Damn, if only I'd known, I would've picked you over Nancy " Steve stated with a joking smile, " Ew.. But, thanks " I smirked giving him a hug ( Steve and I have always had a brother/sister relationship ). " Ha ha, funny Steve! Okay, let's head inside, I'm freezing " Nancy exclaimed grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the front door, Steve and Jonathan following close behind. Once we reached the gym, I looked around, taking in all the faces. Who was I kidding, I was searching for the specific blonde. Tina, Rebecca and Heather all had dates off the basketball team. " Tina's a Damn liar, she's here with Trey not Billy. How many people has she been screwing around with, does she not realize that Billy and Trey are two different people " Nancy stated with an eye roll, causing me to chuckle loudly. 9:30 was approaching fast and I couldn't stop biting my nails, thinking of all the ways this could go wrong. " You okay? " Steve asked sitting down next to me and handing me a glass of punch, I only shrugged because I had no words for the battle that was going down in my head. " I get that your nervous Y/N, but I'll let you in on something, it's not a prank " Steve stated with a sigh, I looked at him confused " How would you know? " . " Because, Chad couldn't shut up in the locker room four days ago. Team members kept asking him who he was taking to the Formal, he didn't say a nae, but said that he asked a girl in a creative way. Through a note " Steve stated honestly. I looked at him shocked " How could he be the note holder? Sure he's a nice guy, but Chad is very artistic, any notes he would've slipped into a locker would've been more deep then. Hey, you looked good in History today. That doesn't sound like him ", He nodded " I get it, he's been my lab partner for 3 years. He doesn't speak like a normal person sometimes, more like a novel. Bit, I'm just telling you what I heard because I know you've been worrying about this ". I smiled slightly glancing up at the clock, seeing that it was 9:22pm. " Thanks for telling me, your a good friend " I stated with a sigh, him nodding in response while wearing a similar smile.

I walked through the school, more like snuck, because students weren't really allowed to venture through the school after hours. The faculty was worried kids were going to sneak off and have sex in classrooms, thankfully I had a good reputation around here and the staff weren't worried about me. Once I made it to the back door, I let out a deep sigh, Now or Never. I walked slowly towards the dark figure, butterflies in my stomach and my dinner was ready to make a 2nd appearance tonight. Once I saw that the figure was indeed Chad, I couldn't tell if I was relieved or a little angry. " So, your the mystery note holder " I stated with my arms crossed, Chad let out a small sigh but didn't respond. I rolled my eyes and started walking back towards the door, to possibly salvage and make the rest of the night good. Chad quickly ran around me, halting me in place. " Where are you going? " he asked nervously, " Back inside, if you wanted to ask me to the formal, you literally could of just asked. Instead of writing all those simple notes, that sounded nothing like you. I would've said yes " I spat. He let out a sigh, " Other than my friends, your the only one who's treated me like an equal, the only other guy that's been nice " I stated honestly. He nodded " But Y/N, I didn't write the notes. I've just been the middle man through this whole thing, hell I've been dating the same girl for over 2 years. Natalie Wood ", I furrowed my brows in confusion. Yes, I remember seeing them together, but never thought they weren't anything but friends. " Middle man? " I then questioned, earning a nod from him. " Middle man for who? " I asked, only getting a smirk in return as he pointed towards the parking lot behind me. I took in a deep breath as I turned around slowly, letting out a slight groan as I saw Billy standing there, leaning against his car, holding a handful of flowers. I turned back towards Chad, who was still wearing a smirk. " My locker is locker 306, he didn't want to use his own because obviously you would've known it was him. So, he paid me 5$ to help him out, but this was all his idea, he wrote all the notes, he's got it bad for you " Chad stated with a smile before patting me on the shoulder and making his way inside. The degree's had dropped slightly, making it even colder now. I sighed deeply while walking over towards the blonde, unsure of what I was going to say to this boy now. " Before you say anything, I just want to say... Hi " Billy started off nervously, " I know this is probably very confusing and I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can't. I just want a chance to explain everything to you and after that if you still want me to leave you alone, I will ". I had no words, but I was curious as to what he was going to say. So, I nodded. He let out a deep sigh " Okay, cool... Oh, these are for you... Stole money from my dad to buy them, I'll probably hear about it later, but it was worth it. Didn't have enough for a new suit though... ", he handed me the flowers which made me smile. " Thanks, they're beautiful and I recognize that suit from when we first met, on the beach in California " I stated with a smile, making him nod. I didn't say anything further, waiting for him to continue. " So, the last time we spoke, it didn't end well. But since then, I've realized how much I miss and need you in my life. I will do anything to have you in my life again " he stated with a deep sigh, he's dropped the tough guy act, he's more vulnerable. " I know that you think when we were messing around, I was also fucking with other girls, but I wasn't. Before we started doing things together, I had slept with two girls, none that go to our school. But as soon as we got together, I didn't want another bitch. Anytime I climbed through your window and told you I was out with some girl, I lied. I always came straight from home after having a fight with my dad. I didn't want to tell you, because I know you always worried about me when I was at home. Now I realize that I made the wrong choice in lying. I stayed all night at your house those nights, not caring about the trouble I'd get into when I got home, because at least I got to spend time with you, even if we were just sleeping " he stated a bit winded, I however furrowed my brows in confusion. " I understand that this is a lot to take in, but I want to be with you " he stated strongly, making me let out a deep sigh " But when I told you I loved you, you never said anything, you chose to ignore it ". He ran his hand through his freshly styled hair " I didn't ignore it, I just didn't confess that I felt the same way. I've never felt this way towards someone before and I was afraid of what people would say at school, you know Billy Hargrove being tied down. The longer I kept my feelings to myself, the more I felt guilty. Then you started distancing yourself and I knew I had fucked everything up. But, I love you Y/N and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks or says! ", I looked at him shocked. I wasn't expecting this to come from tonight, something told me that he was telling the truth. Billy cleared his throat, making me realize I hadn't said anything in a while. " SO? " he sighed deeply, " Your serious, no games? " I asked looking at him intensely. He nodded " Absolutely, I don't want to spend one more day without you ", I smiled at him slightly as I pulled him into a hug. " But, what about Heather and Tina, they both swore that they were screwing you the same time we were messing around. " I then asked, " Both liars, Heather had herpes the last time I checked and Tina is such a fucking snooze fest. You know she asked me to the formal, I told her I'd rather hammer nails into my toes. I was working on getting my girl back and I wasn't risking that on her boring ass " he stated with a slight chuckle pulling me into another hug. " It'll take some time for you to gain my trust again, but if you're willing to put in the work, I think we could get back to what we once were " I stated honestly, making him hug me even tighter " I'll do whatever you want! I'll wait forever if I have to ". I smiled to myself, " Hey, you're freezing! Here take my jacket " he stated taking off the leather jacket and placing it around my shoulders. " Come on, let's get inside, I want to dance with my girl " he stated with a smile as he locked his car and then walked me back into the school. 

When Billy and I walked into the gym together, we caught everyone's eye. A few people laughed, some gasped. Steve smirked, making me think he might have had a part in this too, despite the hatred he had for Billy. Billy and I  got out onto the dance floor, I put my arms around his shoulders and he put his hands on my hips, as we started to sway to the music. I had never seen Billy smile the way he was smiling at me know, things were finally right. Jonathan and Nancy both sent me smiles, causing me to roll my eyes, but smiled happily back. Not long after the principle was on stage, ready to announce Ice Queen and King. " And the Winner is... Jonathan Byers and Nancy Wheeler! " the principal shouted , causing a wave of applaud to abrupt in the gym. I let out a loud shriek of excitement as they were both crowned, Mrs. Wheeler was going to be very happy about this. Billy put his arm round me, pulling me closer and kissing the top of my head. Things seemed to work in my favor I guess, but even though I was happy now, there was no way to tell what was going to happen in the future. But, let's forget about that now and Enjoy the moment.

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Hey guys, I totally over did it with this one, but I enjoyed writing it so much. I've been in a slump lately and haven't been the best of health, so the fact that I was able to enjoy writing this so much means a lot. And I hope Everyone Enjoyed reading it, I just want to say Thank you for the amazing support I've received on this series. You're all Amazing <3<3

[ivymarquis]

All Im going to say on the “feedback culture fucking sucks” train is this; Every time y’all reblog my stuff, my follower count and activity spikes. It’s invariably a chain reaction because tumblr tags SUCK and to this day I will blindly stumble across fics that should hve shown in the tag but didnt. Reblogging my stuff gives me a wider audience, lets more people see and interact with my work and ultimately makes me a happier writer, which means I churn out more content faster.

If you don’t want your main affiliated with your porn, it takes exactly 2 seconds to make a sideblog if the ONLY reason you’re not reblogging is because you dont want your irl community to know what you’re into. I get it. That’s why I made this blog. My other tumblr has very obvious ties to my irl and I’d die if grandma found out I was writing oviposition and lactation porn. Or you can send private messages/anon asks. Those mean the world to us. You have options.

I literally check EVERY reblog to see if the reblog has comments in the tag. If you like a thing, please reblog it. It takes 2 seconds for you and means the world for us.

In case y’all forgot, we do NOT get paid for our work. We literally spend hours of our lives creating content for people to consume for free and all we want is a little validation and appreciation. I’ve personally tried to get better about reblogging/commenting on fics I like and I have but unfortunately haven’t had the time to read lately as much as I would like.

Just let us know you actually appreciate the time we’re spending. It’s a vicious hell cycle in our heads and silence means we’re irrelevant and no one cares if we write. Hell, at least with anon hate they felt strongly enough about the work to contact us about it.

[happypuppys-archive]

20 a skill you’ve picked up in the past few years, 22 if you were going to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, what would you choose?, 2 how many houseplants in your room, and what kinds are they? !!! :) - beetle

!!!!!

20. hmmmm i’d probably say writing!!!! a few years ago i couldnt rlly write but i’d def say its a good skill i have now !!

22. hmmm probably orange or neon green!!!!!! i havent dyed my haire those colors n yellow so it’d probably be one of thise!!!

2. i dont hve any !!!! i want soem but. atm i have none :]

soft, stay at home asks

[loveg1rl-remade]

write short descriptions of your favourite mutuals/friends and then tag them (but not next to their descriptions) and try to make them guess which one is theirs!

i did two parts bc i did a lot of ppl! ppl are tagged in alphabetical order dfjskfn also i hope y'all can guess your number 🚶🚶🚶

p1. 

@01bri @1aju @1oveful @2blushy @chanilovehours @doyoung @fruittxt @himlo @jenolees @junghwasgf

01 - omg we were JUST talking today… we always hit each other up for drama its p funny sjdfksldj i love hearing them talk just in general. they have a lot of good energy and it makes me happy that they like me enough to like. willingly hit me up i think thats really cute and i love that… also theyre always going to concerts and i think thats really cute i hope they hve a really good time :( they always have my back n i love talking to them !! angel 

02 - my sweetheart!!! they’re really the funniest we used to talk ALL the time before school started :( i miss them a lot but honestly i love when they spam me with notifs :’) jsdfkjsd i remember when we first met n we talked about divergent and the bts visual novel it was HONESTLY really iconic… they’re a year under me but honestly it feels like we’ve known each other for a while !! they have a lot of love in their heart and their love for a certain few ppl (starting w t) is so sweet :( i love how we both procrastinate and stay up until like 2 for everything anyway ily and i miss u! 

03 -  omg.. i feel like they’re my younger sister… i really don’t deserve such a ray of sunshine! whenever i’m down they always send me the sweetest asks and messages and once they even told me abt their day out of nowhere i just thought that was really cute :( they’re ALWAYS cheering me on and it is really really sweet !! they make me rlly happy nsdfkjsd even just seeing their asks that start with “GIRL!!!” yea :’) they’re the brightest star w the cutest personality

04. we talked for like four hours about grapes once and that’s how we became friends… uhh i love them a LOT !!! they are really so kind and supportive and we get along really well?? they have a callout list for me kjdfdsf honestly we have a lot of inside jokes and it’s really cute. they changed my opinion abt taureans (U SHOULD KNOW WHO U ARE BY NOW .. ) and i just love how we can talk about anythin????? also your sleep schedule is SUPER screwed up but its chill bc that means we can talk more ndfkjsdkf i love you angel !! 

05. i will LITERALLY never forget the time i was feeling like absolute SHIT and they took the time to write out like an ESSAY for me and it’s saved and screenshotted and immortalized forever in my heart it really meant a lot for someone to like. take the time out to do that for me and im so grateful…we don’t even post the same content anymore but they always interact w my posts and check up on me and send me asks… i love them a lot lot lot! on my old blog they’d send me the cutest asks too im grateful and lucky to have them in my life :’) 

06. they know who they are !! my one n only!! we talk every single day and somehow they don’t get sick of me which is a feat in of itself. super creative and caring and empathetic and strong and selfless and just? a really good person. they have the biggest heart and the most love to give. they’re also really hard on themselves :( my biggest cheerleader n the love of my life.. if you haven’t figured out who you are yet i’ll send jeno over to talk some sense into you (*tell you he loves you)

07. soooo soft :( everything about them is soft!! they hav a lot of love for a certain bunny boy and they’re always always tagging ppl in things i think it’s so unbelievably kind. they’re always spreading kindness and joy and is such a ray of sunshine!! i really really lov them a lot ! 

08. o man where do i start?? they’re really full of a lot of love… they’re always love posting abt their best friend and that really makes me so happy that they have such a positive good person in their life… anyway we always send each other cute asks periodically to check on each other & we’re always helping each other out when we go through emo moods… anyway they’re applying to college at the same time i am and i remember stressing out abt it with them but i KNOW we’ll both be fine i lovve them :’)

09. seriously a big source of support for me even if we don’t talk on the daily!! they always have really good advice to give and even when like. No Advice Can Be Given they’re always lending an listening ear. they’re really cute i love how mature they are !! besides giving rlly insightful n thoughtful advice.. uh they’re just a rockstar! they’re a little bit younger than me but they always try their best and help others out and it’s really admirable. plus they said they love making playlists and i just thought that was the cutest thing :/

10. we haven’t had a lot of conversations together but theyre really just the sweetest :( ever :( i was going through a hard time n they sent me so many sweet asks and messages. its always nice to know there are ppl who care abt u and this person is just SO caring in general!! they’re always tagging ppl in sweet things and doing their best and it is much appreciated !! much like their name they rlly are. the best and the brightest

– 

p2. 

@kimjunnoodle @lazy-gudetama @pastelunnie @rapgodkth @rosehyuck @snowedjin @taehn @taeilsgrl @taeyyongs

11. UGH another sweetheart … they’re always sending me the sweetest long asks checking up on me and they’re always interacting n communicating and talking abt stuff they’re passionate abt it i really love it ?????? i miss talking to them !! they would send me the cutest dog pictures :( i always see them around spreading love and happiness and warmth .. they have a lot of love and compassion in their heart. i always look forward to their asks and replies!!

12.  my EVERYTHING!!!! i saw their selfies like yesterday n they rlly knocked my socks off imagine being so pretty!!!! they are really an icon it was so cute talking to them abt our wedding :/ they’re a lot of fun they go from super soft to super funny and like, theyre either loveposting or talking about furries i think its the funniest thing ever. anyway they’re a total sweetheart n the best hyuck stan so yeah ! i love love

13. omg …. they’re SO considerate they’re always tagging me in those “associate ur mutuals with” posts and it’s honestly really cute ??? they have my kidneys and my left lung and my Whole heart :( the biggest sweetest tae stan ! super sweet and lovely and funny !!! we don’t talk a lot but i’m always cheering them on behind the scenes!! they always interact w my not funny stupid posts and hype me up theyre just. really great to be with and im grateful to b mutuals 

14. i’ve known you the longest!!!!!!!! i have all ur jk fics saved omg :( you’re the sweetest bean and i love talking to you.. even tho we don’t talk on the regular anymore it’s always so sweet hearing from you and i love how we always update each other when smthing important happens in our lives!!!! i love watching the videos u send ur voice is rlly the cutest n i remember the first tme i heard it i started crying anyway i still have your christmas card saved and i love you a whole freaking lot im still waiting to go on a date with u :( my tall gf

15. UH we literally talk and just. gush over how cute girls are …. jsfdasdf we ALWAYS tell each other beef no matter what sfjdsk they really have such a caring n chill personality. we think alike so it’s really nice telling them abt things i need help with because i always get a good second perspective on it… they’re always here to listen to me (even late at night when they have work the next day)… they’re a bit like my older sister i trust them a lot !! i really love how they always update me on things even tho i SUCK ass at messaging so :) anyway i love them a lot (move to california sooner!) 

16. one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i’ve ever met. memes are iconic and every single conversation we have i always manage to laugh bc their comedic timing is amazing and yea they’re just an all around great person. they’re my movie buddy and we can also really talk abt anything??? like we’re super comfortable around each other which is super cool n i’m grateful. we can talk for hours n hours … and yeah .. they’re also super sweet and always support me through everything! we have a lot of inside joke its cute & i’m glad i met this person i really am :’)

17. hdfsfn.. really. they really own my heart.. honestly i couldn’t have asked for a better mutual???????? they are Top Tier quality one of kind…they have like thousands upon thousands of followers and they always always promo me … im so undeserving of their love… AND AND THEY ALWAYS SEND ME ASKS …. even when like. im being annoying and ask stupid questions no one wants to answer they always write out a whole paragraph and it makes my WHOLE world ten times over im so grateful for them … i have the strawberry emoji on like all of their asks bc i want to keep all of them thats how much i appreciate the time n effort they show me … wrow… the cutest and best ever i love them a LOT! 

18. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re so motherly to me …. they’re always looking out for me and making sure i’m doing ok and i think that’s just the sweetest best thing ever :( they’re really sweet n pretty AND funny i always love seein their posts… they’re one of my few exo mutuals and i LOVE IT ! I LOVE THEM! they are sosososo soft their tags for their man are really the cutest too… they’re one of those mutuals who switch from loveposting to toesucking and it’s the best and funniest i love them! once i was sick n they sent me like two asks making sure i was ok and . wrow. i couldnt have asked for anyone better

19.  mMmMmMm i remember i thought they hated me and then it turns out they didn’t and i was SO relieved bc they’re so sweet and funny and :( just a really great person. they did a lil astrology analysis for me and it was so spot on i’d trust them with my life and my savings and my posterity…. uhhh they have a heart of gold they’re always looking out for others and trying their best n it’s really admirable. they also have such a good sense of humor!! a treasured mutual who owns my heart :(