#i actually came back yesterday at like 8 pm but whatever

[hellpuffin]

ok back from vacation,reishuto time

[scoups4lyfe]

Journal Entries of Bipolar sh*t compiled to Show the Mind of Someone with BP:

[Entries from my mood journals:] 

TW: Mental Health

These entries are personal, I wrote them as I was going through whatever I end up writing about, I took out any personal details so it reads like ANON.

[Next]

Energy Levels: 

July 15th 2020: 

Questionable levels of energy. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6pm. Just really tired, I feel just,,,, exhausted in an empty almost depressive kind of way. Could a depressive episode be looming on the horizon? Conversely, however, my energy has been pretty high the last three-four days at least. I’ve been somewhat motivated, getting work done, and also having major problems with insomnia that really kind of came out of nowhere. That’s why I couldn’t fall asleep until 9am last night. (Though my time blindness when doing things I enjoy certainly doesn’t help.)

July 16th 2020: 

(went to bed at 9am, awoke at 7pm)

Another feeling of low energy. I’d rate it about 3.5/10 (5 being normal.) Mood wise, I'm in a rather neutral mood, though I’m starting to worry that it’s getting more and more apathetic. (Especially when I’m dehydrated.) 

Executive dysfunction is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me to do things, I kinda want to curl into a ball and do nothing for great periods of time. I find it hard to really be motivated or to make myself WANT to look nice when I see my friend tomorrow. It’s actually kind of worrying, but my overall mood (as I said) is still pretty neutral. 

July 17th, 2020: A solid 3/10 

(Bed @ 7/8-ish am. Woke at 1:09pm to go to a friend’s.) 

I just feel tired and kinda zen, not gonna lie. Like relaxed and ready to slip into unconsciousness at any moment. Not necessarily as apathetic as yesterday, but that could be because I am around my good friend, and being around my good friends makes me happy, distracted, and more energized, even with barely any sleep.

July 18th 2020: 

Bed time:  Close to 11:30 pm Wake Up: Close to 9am. (Like 8:40 am or something) 

A solid 2.2/10 

I’ve had low energy for a bit now and I know it’s starting to roll into my apathetic depressions. Today [friend] wanted me to go to the gym/pool with [them] and I was REALLY not feeling it, but [they] were  gungho for it and were talking about it like it was already going to be a done-deal. This kinda soured me because I really do not want to move around much when I’m like this and I ESPECIALLY did not want to go to the pool—  I knew I’d be the only one in the pool, alone, because I didn’t bring shoes so I either had to wait horrendously by myself in the locker room or pool it out alone until someone joined me after their workout.

I DID feel great when I stepped into that lukewarm shower before having to get into the pool, but like, WOAH MAN, I got super apathetic, I contemplated just staying in the shower for an hour and like hOO wow. Not great. 0/10 would not recommend. 

I did actually enjoy the pool though and after about 15 minutes of [friend] joining me I began to go back to a more neutral state of mind, so that was good. 

When we went to the mall it was fun too, but for some reason (I can’t even explain why) I hit a low— low, and started to second-guess everything (even my friendship with them) and wondered if I should never talk or see them ever again from then on. It was really melodramatic and I don’t even know why I thought about it for a minute there. After a few minutes I was snapped back to normal by hanging out with my friends and then I was kinda okay again. 

Emotionally (when I’m not feeling low energy/apathetic/empty AF) I feel on the verge of just breaking down into tears and laughing like a maniac.

July 24th

Bed: 9pm-ish  Woke: 5am 

Energy: 4-ish (Maybe even a bit more of a 3.5 rn) 

These last few days have been a blur tbh. I went on a webtoon-reading, what-music-was-I-listening-to-in-middle-school binge these last couple of days and so I remember not much. The hyper focus really had me there lol. 

July 28th 2020: 

Bed: 1:15 am Woke: 6:30 am 

Mood: When I was awake earlier and reading, about a 3. RIGHT NOW??? 1.5/10 and quickly approaching a meltdown. 

I am SO SO tired and almost about to have an emotional breakdown for no reason. I have no idea where this is coming from but I am going to tuck into bed and disappear from existence because I need to sleep for 19hrs or I WILL throw a fit. 

**Some notes for July 28th. I tried to sleep at 7/8pm because I felt an incoming meltdown. But then I was suddenly wide awake? Like my energy was at a 7 while my mood was at a 0.5. Basically, not fun, would never repeat again. 

July 31st, 2020: 

Bed: Around midnight/1 am woke: 3pm. 

Energy: 4/10

I don’t know why I slept for so long, but I def. could have slept longer. In fact most of the day I felt kind of bleh. 

Not terrible enough to lie down but also not normal-normal. 

August 26th, 2020: 

Woke: 7pm Slept: 9/10am 

Mood: 4.5/10 

In general I’ve felt fine. Not as exhausted, and definitely  in a good mood. Maybe it’s because I’m purposefully taking it easy while still trying to accomplish the small things. Ahhhh I feel so accomplished, yo!!!

But just as a general warning, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay optimistic. (Hopefully for a long time.) I just feel the depressive episode on the horizon. For now, I’m doing self care so that I can fight  it off, but hopefully it won’t be “only a matter of time.” 

Thursday — September 17th, 2020: 

Slept: 1am woke: 7:30am 

Mood: 5/10 ENERGY: 2.5/10 

Though I’m in a pretty genial mood, I just feel so tired. Which makes no sense because yesterday I woke up at like 7pm and went to bed at 1am. So WHAT TF bro. I’ve just been lying in my bed all day because that’s like the only way I feel somewhat decent. 

Kinda want to take a nap but I know that’ll do me absolutely no good whatsoever, so I’m gonna stay awake and try to be as productive as I can be when I’m lying down in a horizontal position.

[Journal Entry] 

“Saturday: October 10th, 2020 —  Around Night

Right now I feel invincible. Like I can write and capture that perfect melody. Pen to paper. Pencil to sketchbook. For this moment, just right now, I feel as if I could do anything, and that makes me so, so, happy. 

Today is a happy day, which is made funnier or perhaps more ironic by the fact that I didn’t even want to wake up today. [Which I did, begrudgingly, at 6pm-ish.] 

The tides really do come and go. So never feel too down. At some point you’ll feel like this again. The cogs keep turning and life goes on. 

Mood: 10/10 Energy: 10/10.”

[End quote] 

...

“October 13th, 2020 — Tuesday, 10:45 AM. 

So many thoughts have taken travels in my hand. Today I feel invincible again. Much like I did in the last entry. I have been an unfortunate disappointment to my family, though. My energy, motivation, and time has been entangled lately. Entangled deep into my mind, my media, and the interests I partake in: The Void ™. 

Therefore I haven’t been of much help, entertainment, or enjoyment for my loved ones. Last Sunday our relatives gathered at our house to celebrate [my brother's] birthday. Yet I stayed in bed. I did not celebrate with them, and ignored their asks of me. I’m quite disappointed in myself for being this way. I can only strive to be better. I may not have been energetic or involved these last few days, but I feel much better now that I’ve gotten rest. 

Though I’ll always be fighting with that void that distracts and captures my attentions, I won’t let these strings choke me.” [End Quote] 

…

October 18th 2020:

Slept: 10am Woke: 4am

Mood:2.5/10. Energy:2/10

I just feel very anxious (like pit of nervous energy going 100mph in my stomach) anxious. I’m gonna try and nap the wired energy off cause it’s making me panicked 

[Journal Entry] 

“October 18th, 2020 — Sunday, 3:46 AM

I’ve gone and slept all of saturday. But hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule. I’m also (not quite anxious, but I know the tension is there, rising, ready to explode on the horizon. Already it’s October 18th, and yet it feels as if I’ve accomplished nothing. And perhaps I haven’t.”

[End quote] 

…

“October 24th, 2020 — Saturday, 9:55 PM.

At the beginning of this page I felt indescribable emotion fill me. Everything was pointless. I’d forgotten how to fly and instead remembered how to nap. For a singular moment I wanted to sleep into nonexistence. I wanted to cry, too. But mostly, I was just tired. I could do nothing but sit and want to sleep, and I had not even the strength or energy to loathe myself for this. So I decided to scrapbook instead and then maybe sleep after I’d written all this leak in me from pen to paper. But in the (time it)  took for me to design the page I fell out of my emotional range. Instead I felt calm. Pacified. Silly, isn’t it? I’m supposed to edit today and tomorrow, but I’ve let today slip away. 

I’ve also eaten too much again. I feel sick. Like I’m eating as much as I can before a hibernation. Does my body feel a depressive episode coming before I do? Is that it? Or is my overeating and lack of control leading me into a spiral? I shouldn’t be feeling like this. So much anxious, emotional energy. I’m wired as shit and I hate this jittery-ness. 

It’s suffocating. Like a snake’s wrapped itself over me and keeps constricting, tighter, and tighter, and tighter, till there’s nothing left.”

[End of entry] 

…

“November 10, 2020 — Tuesday 

Pros: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days. 

Cons: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.”

[End Quote] 

[Around 3 month time skip]

[Sunday, February 28th, 2021 — 2:04 AM] 

“I’m treading water. Another month passes. Hopefully I’ll make all I can of this last day. I walked some, but I still haven’t reached my desired destination. Guess I have no choice but to keep going! Everything has a time. I can only continue trying. That’s all I can do. To quit is to have nothing for myself, not even dreams. ‘Being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.’ (-Something Phillipians.) 

I dream of many things. I pray that March gives me what I need. Please be here with me, hold my hand in these times and keep me close in your thoughts. I’m trying. I’m always trying. Day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I can’t do this alone. (I wish I could.) My brain is so easily distracted and it’s hard to get by even doing things I joy. I wish I had something that could force me to function. All I have is myself.  

One day I won’t just be writing dreams with no evidence. Every step is part of the journey (even if it doesn’t feel like it.) So thank you for walking with me. I don’t have the strength to do this alone. Please, please hold my hand through the anxieties and whisper that it’ll be alright. I’m blindfolded, and I’m walking on a tightrope, and I need you to tell me when and how to jump so that I’ll land in the net. I’m blind but I’m listening. September 30th feels a lightyear away. It’s hard to forget the lack when you’re faced with it everyday. And I’m unsure. Please tell me that it’s worth it. Please. Please help me. Please. Please lead me. Please help me.” 

[End of entry.]

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4]

This is the first part of the journal entries, I'll be uploading another compilation after each newly posted PPT essay.

Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

Visuals of depressive episodes: (1), (2)

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

[Next]

[im-sorry-i-ate-your-pasta]

Updates 11, 12, + 13: 5/13/24

8:00 AM 5/13/24

Yesterday, I did a bunch of things that I hoped would help me lucid dream and remember it well, to meet Mr.Tophat personally. I did a spell jar, lit some incense, and activated a few sigils. However, last night at 2:17 AM, I woke up. I felt odd, and have been feeling so since then. (Edit - 3:31 PM I still feel kind of strange.) I can only describe it as calm, but like I'm being forced to be calm, like how when you get a surgery and they put a mask over your face, and the gas forces you to relax. I remember thinking about what happened, but only seconds later, forgot what happened. Still, I can only remember the memory of remembering that it even happened (that's a mouthful, damn). I know something came to me, either Mr.Tophat or Jack, I don't remember who, though. S thinks it was Mr.Tophat, but that doesn't make sense to me, because it feels like whatever was there is trying to make me forget. Normally, I remember dreams in detail for at least a few hours, but that's not the case here. I think Jack (disguised as Mr.Tophat) was trying to harm me, but realized because of my protection sigils, he couldn't while I was in my room, and tried to make me forget it happened. There have been instances of him manipulating dreams, too. Before S and I got together, (I think I wrote this instance down in my blog, though I'm unsure) Jack was able to enter S's dream, illustrating him using me as a puppet to try and kill her. We brought this back up Saturday night, (5/11/24) and after some thinking, we both think this was a tactic Jack was using to get S to not trust me. On Saturday night, we also both talked about how we think us being a duo somehow repels certain things and makes us less vulnerable to them. Nothing bad has happened to either of us in the spiritual sense since we've been dating. I think it's because we made each other stronger, both as people and spiritually. Also, S describes feeling similar to how I do, and she also said that she had the same dream as me about 2 hours later. Except she said she feels "light." Not to mention, she put her protection runes outside her house, not in her room like me, which makes me think that Jack was able to get to her. She's coming over later tonight, so I'll do what I can for her, and update later. I would also like to mention the fact that she has gotten sick from investigating this sort of thing. Also another thing, we can no longer go to the docks (for personal reasons) and cannot visit the girl in white anymore. If this is the first post you're seeing, I have parts 1-10 as my last post in my blog, as I have recently started using Tumblr over Spacehey and Reddit (my Reddit posts were taken down.)

12:50 PM

S told me she was feeling sick, I think it's because of the paranormal stuff. The only reason I think that is because this woman does NOT get sick ever, and she has a history of getting sick for little to no reason when we're getting involved in the paranormal. I don't know why this happens actually, I used to think that it was her "sixth sense" and using it that drained her a lot, causing her to be sick, but she doesn't currently have that, so what could be the reason? Although last time she was bedridden for three days, and now she just feels icky. Maybe her "sixth sense" is still there, just weakened? Like I said, she wasn't able to use it after we started dating. Who knows, really. I'm currently working on drawing/painting Jack and the girl in white, I will post those when I finish, likely around 7 or 10 PM tonight.

3:51 PM

S is over at my house, I don't know if she was just sick or if it really was the spooky stuff, but she feels better now. Will most likely update tonight.

[ushiwakaout]

Hiii I saw requests are open so can I request things you believe kenma would if you lived together ?

🥺 yes ok ok, i love kenma

Things I believe Kenma Kozume (timeskip: CEO and Pro Gamer) would say if you lived together (from the moment you wake up, to the moment you fall asleep).

reader will be his personal assistant just to make it a little easier for me

- “mmm no i don’t wanna wake up, y/n i don’t care if i have a meeting.” (6:30 am)

- “wait i have a meeting?”

- “with who?”

- “kuroo? ugh, tell him to wait.”

- “what do you mean he’s at the door.”

- “why’d you let him in?”

- “nope, you’re not forgiven.”

- “maybe if u kiss me but- okay yeah that kiss was good.”

- “Let kuroo know i’ll be out in 10 minutes, i’m gonna shower.”

- “why didn’t u remind me to shower yesterday?”

- “how long have you been awake for?”

- “You mean to tell me you willingly woke up at 5 in the morning to go jog?”

- “couldn’t be me.”

- “i did not fall asleep on my desk, i just closed my eyes.”

- “Wait, where is this meeting?!”

- “Over breakfast, kuroo doesn’t do breakfast.”

- “Oh you picked, okay, okay.... that’s fine.”

- “Wait so does this mean it’s your fault why i had to wake up early?”

- “You really don’t love me, huh...”

- “Nope, no i don’t want you’re kisses.”

- “Go wait with Kuroo, you’re presence is as bad as his.”

- “Don’t pinch my cheeks, i’m gonna bite you’re fingers off.”

- *proceeds to grab your hands and kiss your fingertips w/ a towel wrapped around his waist*

- “wait, come pick my outfit.”

- “no i don’t wanna wear that.”

- “what do you mean i can’t wear my sweats.”

- “mmm, no, i’m not wearing that.”

- “get off me! i’m not wearing it!”

- “i’m uncomfortable.”

- “why’d i have to wear this?”

- “okay fine, let’s go.” (7:00 am)

- “let’s get a private room.”

- “Kuroo move, i’m sitting with them.”

- “I will not hesitate to pull you off.”

- “Can i just get coffee and a creme cake.”

- “Don’t laugh at me y/n, it is a real breakfast.” (7:30 am)

- “What is this about again?”

- “*whispers* can we leave soon?”

- “I didn’t say anything, you can continue.”

- “*whispers* Is it me, or does Kuroo look old?”

- “Y/N! Cover me! Kuroos gonna kill me.”

- “What do you mean i have to be more responsible?”

- “That’s why I have you.”

- “Can we go now? I’d like to stream in piece now.” (8:30 am)

- “Oh wait can we go to that cat café i like?”

- “Ooooh, look! This cat looks like you.”

- *proceeds to lay with the cats*

- “I can die happy now”

- “Oh right, i came here for cake.”

- “Did kuroo just leave?”

- “You told him we’d walk?”

- “Fine.... i guess.”

- “Let me hold your hand.”

- “Now, *open and closes his hands one too many times* thank you.”

- “Do i have anything else scheduled for today other than the stream?”

- “Let’s go out to eat tonight, my treat.”

- “Thank god we’re home, it was starting to get hot.” (9:10 am)

- “I’m gonna set up stream now.”

- “You gonna join? or do you have paperwork?”

- “Just sit in here with me while i stream.”

- “It’s fine, it’s not a problem.”

- “i like your company.”

- “Can everyone hear me? Yeah, okay cool.” (9:20 am)

- “*reading a comment* Where is y/n, how are they?”

- “Hey kitten, they’re asking for you.”

- “Come here.”

- “My lap is your gaming chair.”

- “They’re right here, healthy as can be.” (11:00 am)

- *kisses your cheek and nuzzles his head into your chest*

- “How much more paperwork do you have?”

- “When you’re done can you get me lunch? I’m getting hungry.”

- “What do i want? *whispers in your ear* you....”

- “Actually i want katsudon from down the street. *bites your shoulder* ”

- *taps your butt when you get off of his lap, will also laugh at you for getting red*

- “You’re done now? Okay, buy me milk tea with boba as well, will you?”

- “Wait! Wait! *running out of his recording studio* Do you have my credit card? Okay good.”

- “Give me a kith before you go.”

- “You smell good, give me another one.”

- “One more and then i’ll let you got.”

- *opens the door for you to leave and will slap your butt lightly* (1:00 pm)

- “*to the stream* Okay hold on, I think y/n’s back with my food.”

- “Welcome back. Food please.” (1:30 pm)

- “Come eat w me, we’ll have a small mukbang”

- “*To stream* Food break... What’d i get? I got katsudon and milk tea.”

- *you cannot tell me Kenma doesn’t do that thing where he takes the first bite and walks his fans through eating, bc knowing kenma he’s had trouble himself*

- “God why can’t i have these everyday...”

- “I’ll get fat that’s why.”

- “Why did you get?”

- “Give me some.”

- “No feed it to me.”

- “Because i said so.”😤

- “Oh 😯.... that’s good.”

- “Wait... Where is my tea?”

- “What do you mean i finished it?!”

- “Give me some of yours.”

- “That was really yummy.” (2:00 pm)

- “Okay let’s play some more games.”

- *After another 4 hours of streaming, he walks out of his room and you’re in the living room and he just plops on your lap*

- “I’m sleepy.”

- “Can we have sex?”

- “Ow! What? Sleepy sex is fun.”

- “Please?”(6:30 pm)

- * Laying naked next to each other in the bedroom*

- “That was good.” (7:40 pm)

- * a little fem section so if you identify you can skip*

- “More you’re hands woman, let me lay on your chest.”

- “You’re boobies feel nice.”

- “Keep laughing, it’s sounds nice while i lay on them.”

- *will start kissing your breast, down to your tummy and just lay there*

- *END OF FEM SECTION*

- *kenma now laying on your tummy after sex*

- “I’m hungry, are you- oh you fell asleep.”

- “hey- y/n... get up. I’m hungry.” (9:00 pm)

- “What do you mean you aren’t gonna get up, but kitten *whine* ....”

- “I’m your boss, i demand you to get food with me.”

- “Or what? Or you’re fired.”

- “No no no, you won’t break up with me, you’re not allowed too.”

- “Please y/n, come get food with me~”

- “I’ll buy you ice cream.”

- “Oh now you wanna get up, alright, i see how it is.”

- “Here.”

- *throws his sweater at your face*

- “Come on, i’m starving.”

- “Let’s go to this restaurant, it looks good” (9:20 pm)

- “Whatever you order, i wanna piece of it.”

- “Feed me again.”

- “Because i said so, please.”

- “I’m gonna order more to go, i’m gonna to a night stream.”

- “You done? Okay let’s go.” (10:00 pm)

- “Hold on i was some ramune, just wait for me outside.”

- “WE GOTTA GO NOW, someone recognized me.”

- “No, y/n, i don’t wanna take pictures.”

- “please no, i promises i’ll be good if you just let me leave.”

- “give me a kiss now and i’ll promise later.”

- “eat some more with me” (10:20 pm)

- “sleep on my lap during stream, i wanna be with you right now.”

*Kenma would definetly make you sit on his lap and let you fall asleep while he played his games*

*will kiss your hair and overall caress you because he wanted to just fell you with him.*

*if you wake up he’d probably stop stream and just fall asleep with you*

“Goodnight y/n”

*will kiss your face until he probably falls asleep*

[lucysweatslove]

Updates? Yeah, life updates.

The Tech concert was good. He’s a goofy dude and you can tell he just really has fun with it. Husband got smashed and had a grand ol’ time. I took a ton of videos for him.

Because of the concert yesterday, I was very clear at work that I could NOT stay late which ended up causing problems. Usually this is fine, but a) we had a late scheduled patient, b) my trainee is still working on speed, and c) literally at like 5:15 my entire workstation stopped connecting to work apps or anything on google chrome or whatever the edge thing is that replaced IE. I could access the EMR but no videos or email or even IT help. I was on my phone trying to connect and figure it out. Eventually I got it half working but I had to leave then. We had 4 notes left, one I was working on, one my trainee was working on, and two ones we hadn’t even found media for yet. My trainee said she would work on the notes herself and I could review in the morning…

I woke up early and clocked into work before I’m normally awake to finish up yesterday’s work, right? My trainee has done one extra note, staying late to do it, which was great of her, but that still meant I had to do one new note on a very long visit with a patient with a complex history, finish up the note I had started when my computer did the weird connection thing, AND THEN also review my trainee’s other two notes. It’s not a quick process because I have to fix anything missed and she’s still learning. And this doc is literally taking like an hour to do her visits.

Anyway I started work at 8 AM when I normally start at 10, and I finished getting ready for today’s clinic writing about 10:30 and then tried to find media… no media. I was stressed because this doc had a very busy AM hearing loss clinic (about twice as many patients as usual), and while she normally just does the AM clinic on those days, she also added in a busy PM clinic in person. It was just me + my trainee. Other staff who work with that doc were scheduled to only work a half day and deal with a full clinic themselves + help with another clinic, too.

Anyway, I got in touch with my supervisor who said the doc doing the hearing clinic was taking those calls during her commute into work and thus wasn’t using our services in the AM. Which was great because that meant I could work on the other doc’s clinic for my coworker who wasn’t scheduled all day.

My coworker was actually super grateful because she was a little stressed, worrying how she would be able to finish her clinic. We don’t usually have days like today with 3+ providers in with full clinic schedules.

During my PM clinic, it turned out a resident was working, and this resident is highly competent and does notes like they’re supposed to!! Which was amazing. Out of 8 patients, we only were responsible for 2 of them, so my trainee got to to both!

While trainee was working in those notes, I was able to help out with the other two clinics.

During all of this, I was SO NAUSEATED and dizzy and running to the bathroom frequently. If I move my eyes, I get sick. Imagine trying to type and listen and watch a video when you want to vomit every time you move your eyes. 0/10.

Overall I worked for ~10 hours, minus maybe 45 min or so total for breaks when I absolutely needed. It was worth it though because nobody else on my team needed to stay late or cut into study time. If I hadn’t needed to come in early to resolve issues stemming from tech failure yesterday, it would’ve been just a normal day at work.

Now I’m still feeling really sick. No fever or anything. Still not sure what’s causing the dizziness. I have tomorrow off which is nice, but I still have a ton to do so it won’t really be a restorative day. I have heard back from all MD schools now, and have gotten secondary invites from all of them except one which is still reviewing my primary app. UNR and WWAMI came in yesterday, and I was working a little on my UNR app since it’s due next Tuesday, and I had to email them to ask about my sister (current resident; unsure if that makes her a UNR student or not). They haven’t gotten back to me which is *frustrating* but oh well.

Tomorrow’s goals re: med school-

Get my official voter registration certificate thingy so I can upload it.

Finish the app to verify my MT residency status for all the programs that need it verified.

UNR application. It’s fewer essays like Mayo, but it’s also *not Mayo* and essays are max 300 words instead of 500. I think I have 6-7 essays? I can’t remember as I didn’t formally count them and I know some are optional. But 7 essays at 300 words- probably a few hours? Maybe 4?

If time, U of Utah application. They have a lot more in depth stuff- like I have to put in all my activities again but they ONLY want stuff within the last 5 years. They make it sound like a positive because “some students have to select their top 15 activities.” I’m like… or some students don’t even have 15 real quantified activities to begin with because they have one activity spanning a long period of years. Honestly this really worries me because I’m non-trad, even tho I have amazing ties to the state and school in general (would be the third generation to complete any medical Ed there- my gpa did a fellowship and dad did resident).

I doubt I’ll have time after that but if I do, probably U of Arizona applications. They have two campuses done individually, so Tucson first and maybe Phoenix if a lot of the app is the same. Otherwise the Phoenix campus has a much later true deadline and I’ll want to prioritize WSU and WWAMI.

OHSU and then U of Minnesota (both campuses) and then WWAMI and then WSU (since they got back to me later I have a little more unofficial time to complete those).

Yeah it’s gonna be a busy day tomorrow. I work Friday, so my weekend is gonna be packed too. I’m hoping- HOPING- that I can do UNR and U of Utah tomorrow and then for my final 14 apps (assuming U of Iowa offers me a secondary), if I can do them in 3 hours each, I can effectively finish 6-8 this weekend. That would put me through everything officially due before mid-November at the earliest. While they really want you to send in secondaries two weeks after they’re offered, with full time work and literally no time to prepare bc they were offered so quickly, I have to prioritize. So schools I have less ties to are going to be submitted later since I have less chance of getting in those places.

[youalexturnermeon]

Warm Beer and Cold Women Pt.3 (Johnny Lawrence x Reader)

Part 1

Part 2

Request: Hi! I absolutely love your work and I was wondering if I could get a Cobra Kai Johnny imagine where the reader is a bartender and starts crushing on him since he’s a regular and he flirts with her all the time and she pretends to hate it but she actually loves it? by Anon

A/N: Before you read you should know that I adjusted the timeline a little, all mistakes in the timeline that you are noticing are on purpose. Also I decided to let johnny keep his black Cobra Kai car in that one. Then I’m perfectly aware of the fact that I lowkey drifted away from the actual request but don’t worry, I’m coming back to that. It’s the second last part to this little series. Enjoy.

Warnings: badass reader, drinking, DUI, swearing, ANGST, a little fluff

Wordcount: 2650

"Jesus Christ, (Y/N), thank god you're finally here!" was the first thing you heard from Jenny as soon as you set foot into the bar for yet another late shift on a boring Thursday night.

"We've been waiting for you for hours!" Jenny said and grabbed your arm dragging you further inside. You were staggered, "What the fuck, Jen, I'm not even late, I know I was yesterday but I'm perfectly on time today! Look," you pointed towards a clock on the wall "8 pm sharp."

"Jesus, don't you ever check your phone?" she went on ignoring you. And as a matter of fact, you didn't. You trashed it a couple of days ago as a result of a drunk rage after another shift without your favourite regular. That's why you've been borrowing your colleague’s phone to call yourself an Uber home. But that was still not helping you understand why you were needed so much. Apparently, the bar was waiting for your arrival since the opening at last. In the distance, behind the almost empty counter you saw the staff door opening and Kenny making his way to you in a quick pace.

"She's is here!" Jenny called out to him as if he wasn't able to see that for himself.

"Finally."

"What the fuck?" you asked again, trying to think of all the things you could've done wrong in the past weeks, but you couldn't find any. You never messed up a drink, you always locked the doors, you even cleaned the puke in the men's bathroom. "Am I in trouble?"

Kenny shook his head, you looked at him quizzically.

"It's about your boyfriend," Jenny helped him out answering. You almost blurted out 'He's not my boyfriend' as it was already on the tip of your tongue because you were so deeply conditioned to say that. But when your glance skipped over the almost empty seats by the counter again, your heart suddenly skipped a beat and when it was back at keeping you alive it started beating so hard against your ribs as if it was about to burst. Johnny was back.

"He's been here since we opened at 5," Kenny said, sounding a little annoyed "He's drunk off his ass, came in drunk already, and refuses to leave until he sees you. We tried to throw him out but he's one persistent motherfucker and lowkey aggressive, muttering your name saying he needs to talk to you and nobody else."

"Yeah, maybe you should go and talk to him" Jenny affirmed. But you were already on your way. Without a word you almost stormed over.

At first you wouldn't have noticed him. He didn't look like himself, sitting there on his regular seat at the end, head hanging, covered by his hands. He looked rough.

The two weeks he didn't show himself, you almost started hating him. You thought him to be like any other man on earth who, after they broke you, finally got you to get soft towards them, waking your interest after hundreds of times trying, just disappeared without a trace. First you were blaming yourself, asking yourself if you went too far with your little game of pretend, whilst still waiting every day for him.  Had it been too much for him saving you the other day and getting his face bashed in for you? You wished he'd come and tell you what a bitch he thought you were to your face. Then you despised him for giving you up so quickly. But as soon as you laid eyes on him all these negative thoughts disappeared, and you were just concerned. Concerned about his condition, only the question inside your head how on earth you, a simple barkeeper, were able to help him with that. You grabbed a bottle of whisky and simply headed to the other side of the counter, not standing in front but sitting next to him this time. The worst about it, he didn't even take notice of you at first.

"Johnny," you said softly placing a hand on his arm. Like being electrocuted by this touch, he winced but finally looked up. You almost gasped at his appearance. Normally he was always clean shaven, now he looked like hadn't shaved in days. Besides that, he was also hurt. At first you thought his injuries might still be from his encounter with the three men that were bothering you, but the scratches and bruises were fresh, and a band aid was sticking to his forehead that wasn't needed before. Johnny blankly stared at you from his bloodshot eyes and you suddenly felt the urge to hug him. But you resisted, first you had to get him to talk. Instead, you grabbed two of the glasses in front of Johnny uncorked the bottle of whisky and poured you one. You took a sip of the burning liquid hoping for some courage to miraculously appear as you watched Johnny silently drinking, too.

Kenny walked by on the way back to his office, judgingly eyeing you.

"Damn, I have to start taking all the booze you're drinking here from your paycheck, (Y/N), slow the fuck down, would you?" he said sighing with one foot already inside. Out of a sudden Johnny snapped.

"Jesus Kenny, don't wet your precious leather pants," he shouted out, slamming his glass on the counter "I'm gonna pay for it! Let a girl enjoy her drink for once" Some heads turned in your direction.

You held still for a second and didn't dare to breathe, afraid of another fight to happen since normally Kenny didn't allow anybody talk to him like that. But he simply shook his head and closed the door behind him, muttering something like "This girl actually has to work here, but whatever" leaving you alone with Johnny.

"You look hot, as always," he said trying to smile, yet the smile didn't reach his sad eyes. He almost looked like he's been crying.

"And you look like shit."

"You mean that?" he gestured at his face noticing your gaze upon his massive black eye. You nodded.

"That's nothing."

"What happened, Johnny?" you asked but he did not answer and just kept on sitting in silence, sipping his drink from time to time. Then, after what seemed like forever, he finally looked you straight in the eyes.

"I fucked up, (Y/N), that's what happened, I fucked up big time."

"Tell me!"

"As if you give two shits about it, you probably wouldn't care. You fucking despise me and my sorry ass."

"I do care!"

“Nah, you wouldn’t!”

You sprung off your seat, you did not expect that coming out of his mouth, also it hurt to hear him say that, because you really did care about him! You probably cared about him more than anything in your life at the moment. But if he was going to be a bitch to you so were you.

“Well, don’t waste my fucking time then!” you exclaimed “And stop annoying everyone that you need to see talk to me instead of fucking off. I can gladly leave you all by yourself so you can keep on pitying yourself. Nice seeing you, jerk!”

And you were about to storm off, go back to pretending to work just like you did every other day when there was nothing else to do, when you instantly heard a “(Y/N), wait!”

You turned around and saw Johnny, now more miserable than ever, showing at your seat inviting you to sit back down. You swallowed your pride and did so.

“I’m sorry,” he said “I just can’t believe that someone would actually give a shit about me at all. And I did want to talk to you, I still do. You’re the only one I want to see right now.” “Then tell me what’s going on.”

“There’s this kid,” he started sighed and stopped, then took another sip of his whisky and began again “I have a dojo in a strip mall, I’m a sensei,” “What’s that?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself and you felt stupid. Johnny looked at you, completely staggered, forgetting his pain for a moment. Proving you that it was in fact a probably very stupid question.

“It’s a Karate place, I teach Karate there.”

“Go on.”

“I have a shit ton of nerds that I teach but they’re mostly good kids, they got bullied a lot before, but I helped them, I showed them how to kick ass, so no one dares to fuck with them anymore. There’s this one kid, Miguel, I’ve been teaching him since the beginning, he actually gave me the idea to open a dojo, he begged me to and he’s a great kid, he really grew on me. He lives next door with his mom and grandma, they’re great people, Mexicans. I even learned a bit of Spanish from them. And I’ve been hanging out a lot with him lately. I really, really liked him.”

He rubbed his eyes and stopped talking.

“What do you mean you liked him?” you asked carefully and studied Johnny’s face that he covered with his hands again.

“There’s more to the story. There’s another dojo in town, fucking Miyagi-Do. Of course, you can’t expect only one dojo to be there in L.A but how I wish that at least that one wouldn’t exist. The sensei is a twat. I fucking hate this guy. And his kids started fighting with my kids at school and not like throwing some punches at each other and leaving it be after somebody starts crying. No, they started a fucking Karate War at school. I mean, I get it, when I was their age I also took Karate way too seriously but letting it go this far? I don’t know, I can’t really understand that. It got out of hand real quick two weeks ago.”

“Fuck, did something bad happen?” you wondered and poured yourself and Johnny another whisky.

He nodded and stared into the distance. You waited for him to answer.

“There was a fight two weeks ago and apparently it got really bad. Miguel got kicked off a balcony at school, he fell two stories deep, spine-first onto a handrail.” You gasped. You school also had problems with fighting, a lot to be precise but as far as you knew, no one got kicked off from somewhere.

“He’s been in a coma now for two weeks and they say that the chances of waking up from a coma after two weeks are pretty miserable. He might as well be dead by now.”

“It’s gonna be fine,” you said although not knowing shit about coma, you just wanted t comfort Johnny. You could not stand seeing him so broken you even wished he would go back to his old nature again, hitting on you, joking and just having a good time “He’s probably going to wake up soon and go back to Karate again.”  

“You don’t know that!” Johnny said raising his voice, “He broke his fucking spine, (Y/N), even if he wakes up, he’s probably going to be crippled for his whole life.”

He took a deep breath and drank his whisky at once, grunting at the burning feeling in his throat.

“And now my own kid is in fucking juvie for kicking Miguel of a railing and he won’t even talk to me!”

“Wait, you have a kid?” you wondered and stared at Johnny wide-eyed, not knowing what else to say, this was surely a surprise for you. And Johnny went on with his rant.

“Yeah, Robby, he’s 17. But that doesn’t matter now, does it? He’s locked up, doesn’t want to hear a word from me, but that’s okay,” his voice was cynical, you could hear how much despised himself right in the moment and it was painful to see.

“I’ve been a shit father anyways, right? Every single day of his life I’ve been failing him. I wasn’t around much. I did nothing to keep him out of trouble. If so, I only made it worse, I only pushed him to train with Miyagi-Do and what happened to Miguel is all on me.” Despite calming himself down with a drink, Johnny’s voice got louder with every word he spoke. Again, heads were turning towards you, but you didn’t care.

“It’s not your fault what happened,” you said calmly and placed a hand on his shoulder, he was so tensed that you might as well have been touching a stone. And Johnny shook your hand of and let out a hateful laugh.

“Not my fault?” he shouted his lungs out “Who else’s fault is it then? Of course, it is mine. It is all on me, I fucked up. I fucked up both Robby’s and Miguel’s lives and on top of that mine’s not that great either. I spent the night in a fucking cell.”

“Calm down, Johnny,” you said softly and finally went in for a hug “It’s going to be okay; I promise!”

“No, it’s not!” he yelled as you wrapped your arms around him tightly pressing yourself against his trembling chest. At first, he let his arms sink and didn’t do anything, he kept on shouting, making even more heads turn towards all the noise, but then suddenly he buried his scrubby face into crook of your neck and sighed, finally placing his hands on your back, finally relaxing, firmly embracing you. You could’ve stayed like that for ever.

“C’mon, (Y/N), get him out of here!”, you suddenly heard Kenny who stood there, arms crossed, watching you, “He’s scaring off the people.”

You released Johnny from your hold who went back to staring down the counter whilst burying his face in his rough hands, just the way you have found him.

“Yeah, alright, I’ll bring him home.”

“Yeah, sure, feel free to come back to work whenever you’re ready, no rush. Or maybe you want to do home office instead?” said Kenny sarcastically and you rolled your eyes.

“C’mon Kenny, I can’t let him go home like this alone, he’ll kill himself on the way. Besides, he’s probably the reason this place still hasn’t gone bankrupt. And I’m the reason he keeps coming, so maybe we owe him that?”

The big biker in front of you didn’t look too happy but he knew you were right, still, he wasn’t that easy to convince.

“Come on,” you said putting on your best puppy eyes, trying to look all cute because you knew the old man liked you deep inside “I’ll do double shift tomorrow, I promise. But just please let me go.”

Kenny stood motionless.

“Please?”

“Alright, alright, I’ll cover for you. But if you don’t come in early tomorrow…” “I know, I know, you’ll fire me” you finished his sentence and smiled at him.

Then you nudged Johnny who was not getting any of the conversation you just had and told him about your plan about getting him home. He stood up and he clearly wasn’t very strong on his feet. He was swaying from side to side on the way out.

“Okay, give me your keys, Johnny,” you said when you arrived at his black dodge. Normally you would have made fun of the yellow stripes and snakes all over, but you weren’t in the mood for it.

“I think I remember you telling me that you don’t have a license anymore and that you’re not willing to get involved into DUIs anymore.” And yet he submissively handed you over his car keys. You shrugged and got in the car, waiting for him to take the shotgun seat.

“I guess we all have to make exceptions sometimes. Now concentrate and lead me the way.”

“Thank you” Johnny said, his voice now all raspy and he suddenly looked tired “Now you are saving my ass.”

**************************************************************************************

PART 4

Already working on part 4 whether you like it or not, I’m too invested in that one

Sorry to all waiting for their requests to be written, I’ll soon be on it

Thanks for reading!

Taglist: @lililolli​ (you want to be on the taglist, too? drop me a message)

[moon-light-jukebox]

“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 9 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter 

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is one of the most brilliant men in the entire world...but even geniuses can be dumbasses. Once he realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, the next step is getting Reader to forgive him. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Angst. but then the fluff we all need. 

Content Warning: Talk of drug addiction, mentions of injuries, angst. 

Word Count: 9.4k for Chapter 9 

A/n: I’m sorry I didn’t get this out as quickly as I wanted; I know I broke your hearts in chapter 8. So, please let me and Dr. Reid put them back together. Thank you for sticking with me. 💖 Chapter 10 returns to the smut we all signed up for. 

-- Chapter 9 - “You know why.” -- 

Out of all the compliments I've received in my life, "you're such a strong person" is the one I have gotten the most often.

I was “so strong” for busting my ass through college with dreams of going to the FBI.

My friends told me I was “so strong” when I gave myself a few days to lay around and cry about my ex before I bottled it all up and moved forward.

Everyone said I was just “so strong” for joining the FBI and finishing in the top of my class at the academy.

And when I told everyone I was a profiler that hunted the most dangerous monsters on the planet? I was both “so strong, so brave.”

It’s a nice compliment to receive, but I have never really agreed with it. I’ve never really felt strong. I've always felt resilient. The two words have always felt very different to me. It took enormous amounts of strength to go to college, join the FBI, and then become a member of one of the most prestigious units; but eventually, that strength fades, or it just tires out. Resilience came when the strength was gone when the fight had left your body, but you couldn’t give in, you would endure this pain and any pain after it…because that’s just who you are.

It didn’t take strength to leave the hospital 3 days after Spencer Reid broke my heart. It didn’t take strength to go back to the same apartment where I could feel echoes of him in every room. It didn’t even take strength to not break down and cry.

I kept going because I had to. Because I was resilient.

--

“You sure you got everything you need, mama?” Morgan had been annoyingly thorough in his duties today; Garcia had assigned him to be the person who brought me home and got me settled.

I offered him a wan smile. “I’m fine, Derek. It’s just a gunshot wound. I’m actually surprised how well I’m feeling.” Not good. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ again.

He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Because the last thing I need is Garcia to throw one of her damn shoes at me again. Those things are heavy, y/n.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, you won’t get maimed on my account. I’m really okay.”

Morgan regarded me from his position by the door, his eyes ran over everything from the exhaustion on my face to my arm that was in a sling; he took note of everything before he sighed heavily. “I know it’s not my place to say but…”

“Then don’t say it, Derek.” I brought my gaze up to his, my eyes were pleading. “Please, just don’t say it.”

Reluctantly he nodded. “You call any of us if you need anything.”

I nodded. Because I would call any of them if I needed anything…any of them except the one person I really wished I could call.

--

My life went on like that for a time. On my first night home, Rossi had flowers delivered. On my second night home, JJ came by to bring me groceries. On my third night home Emily came by and helped me wash my hair in the sink because I couldn’t lift my arm yet. On my fourth night home Garcia came over with a stack of action movies and popcorn. I didn’t ask why she brought mindless action movies; I knew why, and I was grateful.

On my fifth day home, the team left on a case. The in-person visits slowed down a lot after that, much to my relief. I loved them all but they're profilers and I was so tired of pretending to be strong when the only reason I was still standing was because I was too fucking stubborn to fall down.

But still, Garcia would schedule the odd visitor every now and then to come to check on me; usually either her, JJ, or Emily. No one ever brought up Reid, and I was very careful not to ask about him. I don't know what they knew and what they didn't…but I just couldn’t talk about it.

I was cleared to go back to work on the second Tuesday after my injury, but I would still be on desk duty until I was 4 weeks out. I had sent Hotch an e-mail on that second Tuesday morning and requested to use some personal time, just until the end of the following week. His response was, “Whatever you need.”

He didn't respond to the e-mail I sent yesterday. The e-mail I wasn't even sure I wanted to send but knew I had to. I had submitted a hardship transfer request.

“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team,” Reid had said to me. Maybe he was right. I had thought my home was with the family inside the BAU…but I had also thought Spencer Reid wanted my heart.

“But I think your judgment has been compromised.” Maybe my judgment was never that good to begin with.

--

Twenty-four days after I was shot and two after I requested my transfer there was a knock on my door. Scheduled visits weren’t a thing anymore. Only Garcia had been coming by; Emily and JJ would send me texts, and Morgan drove me to physical therapy a few times but that was it. So, I was very surprised when I heard a sharp knock at my door at 2 pm that Friday afternoon.

I opened the door only to find the last face I expected to see.

“Hotch,” I said, my brows drawing together.

He just gave me a rare smile. “Not who you were expecting?”

“It’s not that you’re not who I was expecting,” I began carefully. “It’s just that…when I think of cheerful visitors coming to surround me with rainbows and sunshine…I don’t think of you, boss man.”

He scoffed, which I had learned was his version of a chuckle. “Garcia is busy. So, can I come in?”

I waved my arm, offering him inside.

He surveyed my apartment; he’d never been here. None of the team had ever been here before- Stop. Don’t think about it.

“How have you been?”

I gave him a very sour look. “Peachy with a side of keen, Hotch. But that’s not why you’re here.”

He didn’t look abashed in the slightest. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

We both sat on my couch; I kept my gaze on my hands, but I felt his eyes on me.

“Why are you requesting a hardship transfer?”

I was prepared for this question. “Because there is a personal issue within my team that affects me; I can no longer be an effective agent of the FBI in this unit.”

Hotch gave me an almost smile. “That’s a very political answer.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It might be.” He sounded so thoughtful I turned to look at him. We were both profilers, but Hotch was in charge for a reason; that man saw things in ways I don’t think any of us did. “The reason might also be that Reid is a dumb ass.”

I was in no way prepared for that statement to come out of my boss’s mouth. A laugh, the first real laugh I had had in almost 25 days, burst out of me before I could clap my hand over my mouth.

He did smile then. It was a soft, sad smile. “I figured that’s what it was.”

“He’s a genius, Hotch.”

“And he’s also proof geniuses can be dumbasses.”

That one got a small chuckle out of me. “I didn’t know you were funny.”

“I have my moments,” he said dryly.

I took a deep breath, my eyes moving around my apartment, searching for something to focus on. “I don’t know what you know, I don’t know what any of you know…but I can’t stay. Not like this.”

The older man considered me for a moment, planning out his next words. I knew that the team knew that Reid and I had been…something. I hadn’t asked what they knew; I couldn’t ask.

Hotch let out a long sigh, his shoulders dropping before he spoke again. "Hayley had an affair."  

…I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. “I’m sorry, Hotch.”

He just nodded, his gaze sort of far off. “The team was working a case in Milwaukee; it was right before you joined. I was considering transferring; it was right before Gideon left. I knew it, she knew I knew it. I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us.”

I just stared at him. Hotch didn’t talk about personal things.

He continued on. “It was never really brought up again until the divorce. You think divorce will end your fights…it never works out that way.” Hotch let out another sigh. “Anyway, I think about this one specific fight a lot now. I just…She was so fucking cruel, y/l/n. She said things she knew would hurt me.”

You can’t call a dead woman a cunt, y/n. You just can’t.

“I think about it so much now because I know she lashed out because I hurt her and she was scared. I picked my job over her and Jack. And she’s right…I did.”

Enlightenment finally dawned on me.

“Hotch, I see where you’re going but it’s different,” I stressed. “Protecting the team is my job. I protected a member of my team.”

He just nodded, his eyes never leaving my face. “You also jumped in front of a bullet for a man who is in love with you, who now thinks it’s his fault you got hurt.”

“He is not in love with me!” I interrupted, not that Hotch seemed to care.

“And you also told him you loved him, for what I suspect was the first time, while we all thought you were dying.”

Hold the fuck up. “You heard me? Spencer heard me?!”

Hotch nodded his head solemnly. “Rossi figured he hadn’t told you. He was inconsolable on the way to the hospital. He rode with you in the ambulance. Morgan had to restrain him when you were taken into surgery.” I felt my lungs seize, there was no more air in the room. “His legs gave out from under him when the doctor told us you made it. He was in your room right before you woke up. He ran out when your heart rate spiked.”

That…that can’t be right. “I…I don’t know what happened while I was under, but you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me, Aaron.”

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I wasn’t, but I have been around him every day since you were injured. I’ve known him for years, y/n. He’s hurting…because he’s a dumbass.”

I tried to focus on Hotch’s words, I really did. But one thing kept playing over and over in my head. That asshole heard me. He lied to me.

--

-- Spencer POV –

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

The worst thing about having an eidetic memory is that I never forgot anything. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt on my 8th birthday when my dad didn’t call. I remember how gutted I felt when I found Gideon’s letter in his cabin. I remember the self-loathing I felt when Emily was beaten by a deranged cult leader at Liberty Ranch because she didn’t think I could handle it.

I could remember every single crushing moment of my life with absolute clarity, including the moment when I told y/n I didn’t love her. I could see every detail of her face in that moment whenever I closed my eyes. How pain covered her face for just a moment before it went blank.  

Her face in that moment was all I saw when I was awake, but what I saw at night may have been worse. I saw her happy. I saw her laughing at some joke Morgan made. I saw her smiling at me while I explained the scientific impossibilities of the show we were watching on her couch. I saw how thoughtful she’d looked before she kissed me for the first time.

In the 24 days, 21 hours, and 16 minutes since I made the most painful decision of my life, I had regretted it and rethought it countless times. But then I remembered how her eyes fluttered closed that day, how her blood ran out of her body and down my arms, no matter how hard I pressed on the wound. I remembered how it felt to think I was going to lose her.

The members of my team were all furious with me for my decision; I even felt tension from Rossi and Hotch, though it was more subtle. Y/n hadn’t been with our team long, but she had already carved out a place in everyone’s heart…and she’d carved out all of my heart; now it was filled with almost nothing but her. At first, it was just Morgan who was pissed at me, then Emily started becoming frustrated, even JJ stopped inviting me over for dinner as much. They were all still my friends, but everything felt different.

I hadn't realized there was a giant problem until the last person I ever expected to be mad at me finally snapped. We were in the conference room discussing our last case when I had asked Garcia a question. Looking back, I can see it was a dumb question; Garcia cross-referenced everything and dug into people's lives before we even had a chance to ask. But even my stupid question hadn’t warranted her response.

“Garcia, do you know any of the victim’s extended families have any connections to one another? Even distantly.”

She had clicked her tongue against her teeth, her shoulders stiffening. “Of course I have, Reid. That’s a stupid question…but I guess we should expect stupid questions from you now. Since you’ve suddenly become an-“

“Garcia,” Hotch warned.

“Sorry, sir.” She let out a breath.

“Yes, Dr. Reid, I have checked and found no apparent connections.

She’d been avoiding me ever since.

I knew that I had made a mess of things, but the team just didn't understand. They'd only felt her warmth from afar; I'd actually got to be a part of it. They didn't know how her feet were always cold and how she'd shove them under my leg while we watched TV. They didn't know that she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, or when she was really stressed about a case, she'd grind her teeth. The pain I felt now was indescribable, but I couldn't live with losing her.

We’d gotten back home from a case earlier this morning, Hotch let us all go home around noon. Usually, he'd make us stay and finish our paperwork, but he said he had "something" he had to take care of.

Not being at work was bittersweet. Because work reminded me of her, but at least I could occupy my mind with other things; when I was home, she surrounded me. I couldn’t lay in my bed without imagining her beside me. The look on her face when she told me she was ready to be with me. For the first few days after I could still smell her shampoo on my pillow. That was long gone now.

It was just after 2 pm when there was a very loud knock on my door.

“Open up, dumbass!’

What is Morgan doing here? I got up from my couch to open my door. Morgan was in the same clothes he wore to work, he didn't look injured, but his jaw was set, his teeth clenched together. Uh oh.

“Why are you here?” I sighed. I already knew why he was here.

“I’m here,” he began, shoving his way into my apartment. “To see why you’re still being a dumbass.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. Maybe I am a dumbass.

“Morgan-“

“Nu-uh. You sit your little scrawny ass down and listen to me.”

I’m not that scrawny, I thought grumpily while I sat down.

He put his hands on his hips, coming to stand in front of me. “Reid, what are you doing man?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, I’ll tell you what the fuck you’re doing, Pretty Boy. You know, we were all content to let you flounder along for a while longer. You’re smart, you’d figure it out. But that was before y/n submitted a request for a hardship transfer.”

My shoulders stiffened. I had told her to rethink her place on the team, but I didn’t mean leave it. “What? When?”

“I’m not sure when,” he replied. “Hotch is at her apartment now trying to talk her out of it.”

So that was his important business.

“Look, kid.” He came to sit beside me on the couch. “I know you’re scared. I know you almost lost her, and you couldn’t bear that. But you’re losing her now too, man!’

“It’s different, Morgan,” I protested.

“Yeah, it is different, because you don’t have to lose her! You didn’t see her when she came home from the hospital. She wasn’t even sad, Reid. She was numb. We all knew she had walls up before…but these new walls, man? They make the old ones look like nothing.”

I put my hands together, lacing my fingers tightly. “But-“

Morgan stood up. “No, Reid! No! No buts. I understand that you’re hurting, believe me. But did you ever stop to use that big ass brain of yours to think for a second that you’re hurting her too?!”

“I know I’m hurting her, Morgan,” I said hotly. “I know! But it’s better she’s hurt like this for a little while then die over me!”

“Oh, come on, kid! You can’t make that choice for her! That’s not how love works!” He let out a sigh. “You’re acting like a coward, Spencer. And that’s not the kind of man you are.”

It’s exactly the type of man I am. “Morgan, she’s…she’s everything to me. She’s the sun at the center of my universe. I can’t let her disappear.”  

“Okay, okay,” Morgan nodded, considering me. “Now, I’m not a genius but I do know some stuff after hanging around your ass for all these years. The universe would fall apart without the sun. But…what happens if the sun dims?”

“What?” My heart refused to work when I processed his words.

“You heard me. What happens to the universe when the sun dims? It’s still there, but it’s nowhere near as bright anymore. Because she may be the center of your universe but she’s still a part of a lot of other people’s…I don’t know, galaxy or some shit.” Morgan flicked his hand around to gesture at nothing, like this somehow proved his point.

“Spencer. I know you’re scared. I get it. But you’re making the choice for her. You lied to her, man. You got her to let you in and then you fucking shut her out when you get scared! Do you think she wasn’t scared to let you in in the first place? She’s never going to be totally free of danger, Reid. That’s part of what makes her who she is; she is always going to put herself at risk to help people, we all are! It’s why we’re on the same fucking team!”

The impact of Morgan’s words was a blow to the gut. What if I wasn’t keeping her safe? What if I was putting her through this…because I was afraid? Did I push her away from me for her? Or did I-

“Oh my god. I’m a dumbass.”

Morgan threw his hands in the air before slapping them against his hips.

“I fucked up.”

Morgan opened his eyes very wide and tilted his head down in a universally recognized expression of “you think, dumbass?”.

“What do I do?”

“You apologize, Reid! You go over to her house and you beg for forgiveness.”

My palms were starting to sweat. “What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

Morgan shrugged. “Then at least you tried, man.”

“Will you give me a ride?”

His face split into a wide smile. “There’s the genius! Let’s go!”

--

-- Reader’s POV --

It was just after 4 pm when there was another sharp knock on my door. I picked up the remote to pause the TV show I wasn’t watching; I had just needed some background noise. With a huff, I pulled myself off the couch and started shuffling towards the door. Hotch hadn’t been gone long, so I just figured maybe he’d come back to impart more wisdom on me.

It wasn’t Hotch. My heart stuttered when I saw that mop of curly brown hair out of my door’s peephole.

He knocked again, more hesitantly than before. “Y/n,” he called. “I know I don’t have any right to ask. But…I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. What could you possibly have to say to me?

I cleared my throat. “Is something wrong?”

I saw his head snap up; his eyes fixed on the peephole on my door. “Yes. Everything is wrong.”  

Oh. “Are…are you alright?”

“No.” His answer was simple and firm. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you…but, please, y/n.”

Taking a deep breath, I cracked open my door. “What do you want, Reid?”

I only allowed a tiny sliver of my face to be seen through the door. “C-can I come in?”

“I…I don’t know,” I mumbled. You’re still everywhere. If I let you in now…how will you ever fade?

Reid just nodded. “I understand. I just…I owe you an apology. I owe you so many apologies.”

I swallowed; my throat suddenly coated in sandpaper. “Reid, I don’t…you don’t…”

His eyes never left mine; he was leaving the choice up to me. “I don’t have to come in. I’ll talk to you through your door. Or I can talk to you over the phone. I’ll send you letters if that is easier. Just…please say you’ll talk to me?”

Very, very slowly, I eased the door open. He was cautious when he walked in, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted. “That day in my apartment… I asked you not to lie to me. And I’ve done nothing but lie to you for the past 24 days, 22 hours, and 30 minutes.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I already know you heard me, Reid.”

He just nodded. “That’s one of the things I lied about. But it’s not all. It’s not even close to all. I told you my feelings changed, and they didn’t. They haven’t. I still feel the exact same way that I always have. I’m so sorry I even let you think that I didn’t l-“

“Stop.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I-I can’t. You…you can’t say that.” I will break if you say that.

His hands came out of his pockets, his arms outstretched, palms facing me; like I was a wild animal he was trying not to startle. “I won’t, I won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t say it until you're ready to hear it if you're ever ready to hear it. But…you have to know why.”

My teeth dug into my bottom lip; my eyes averted from him. “Why what?”

“Why I…Y/n, I just…I thought that I was protecting you.”

My face fell into a frown. “Protecting me from what?”

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “From me.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he hurried on. “I know I contribute to the team in some ways, but I also know other people have to pick up my slack sometimes. I just…I know members of the team have gotten hurt protecting me before.” He swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly. “I couldn’t let you get hurt trying to protect me too. I’m not worth it.”

I felt anger start to burn in my stomach. “You don’t get to make those sorts of choices for people, Reid.”

He nodded. “I know. I was wrong.” He squared his slim shoulders, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest them at his sides. “I fucked up. I’ve made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. And I only know one way to fix mistakes this big.” He paused, his throat working when he swallowed. “In Narcotics Anonymous the hardest steps for a lot of people are steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is acknowledging that our actions have caused pain and we need to make amends. Step 9 is making those amends and making them in a way that won’t hurt anyone.”

Hands back in his pockets, he took a hesitant step towards me. “I promise, y/n, I will never hurt you again. This isn’t an excuse, but I was so…I was so scared. I thought that…I thought that your injury was my fault. And I thought if I distanced you from such a…a colossal fuck up like me that you’d be safer.”

My body started to shake, but I wouldn’t let any tears fall. I couldn’t. If the dam broke now, I don’t know that I’d be able to put it back in place.

“Y/n, I don’t deserve the opportunity to make amends to you. But…if you’ll let me, I’d like to try. You’re…you’re everything, y/n. Everything. I even lied before when I said you were sunshine and warmth. You’re so much more than that.”

I heard the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d break if I looked at him.

“You’re the sun. You’re the center of my universe. And I thought I was keeping you safe, but…I didn’t give you the choice. I took your choice away from you when you’ve always given me a choice in everything.”

I moved my eyes upwards to look at the ceiling, crossing my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing over my upper arms. “I don’t-I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

I heard his shoes on my floor; I felt the air shift in the room when he took a step closer to me. “Just…Just say you’ll…that you’ll at least wait before you push your transfer through. That you’ll let me try to fix this, even though I don’t deserve it.”

A humorless laugh left my throat. “I already told Hotch to hold my transfer request.”

His voice cracked when he spoke again. “You did? When?”

“He came by about an hour ago.” I finally, finally looked at him. I saw his glassy eyes, his wild hair, and the clear pain mixed with a spark of hope on his face. He wasn’t my boy, not anymore. But…goddamnit. “He said…He said you were being a dumbass.”

Reid laughed a bit at that. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

“He asked me to give it some time. To see if working with the team again would actually be a hardship. My first day back is Monday, and I’m cleared to go back on active duty Wednesday.”

He shifted, his hands coming up to push is hair out of his face. “So, you’ll be back on Monday?”

"That's the plan," I said softly. "But…Reid, I don't-I don't know if I can…"

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m just asking you to let me try to make amends for this.”

I brought my hand up to rub my forehead. “What is your goal here, Reid? What do you want?”

His face was as open as I’d ever seen it, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted. “I want to go back to the moment you started to wake up in the hospital. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I” he cut himself off, which I was grateful for. “And I want to be the one that drove you home. I want to be the one that helped you wash your hair. I want to be the one that sat on your couch and watched movies with you.” He sighed, his eyes shifting to the side. “But I can’t have any of that. Morgan came by my apartment around the same time Hotch was here…he told me that I was hurting the thing I was trying so hard to protect. And he said you were building a wall around yourself.

Dr. Spencer Reid brought those brown eyes back over to meet mine. “I want you to let me try to knock down that wall again.”

My voice was soft, I could feel my chin trembling, my nails were digging into my arms. “But why?”

For the first time since he entered my apartment, he smiled. It was small but overwhelmingly warm. “You know why.”

I felt something pierce my heart; it was small and sharp, both painful and soothing at the same time. “Reid…I…I don’t know if I can…I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” the man said simply. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”

“But they’re just words, Reid. They’re just words. How am I supposed to believe that you won’t do this again the next time I get injured? Because I can handle being injured…but you gutted me.” I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, using the pain to help me focus. I couldn’t let the dam break.

“They’re not just words,” he whispered. “I’ll prove it, y/n. I promise.”

I took a very shaky breath, not making an attempt to hide my pain. “I gave you everything, every single part of me and you brushed me aside. You left me in agony when I needed you.”

My choked words lashed at him, but he just took it with a nod. “I know. I don’t deserve another chance. I have no right after what I’ve done. What I’m asking for isn’t fair…but I have to ask. Please?”

“Okay.”

“What?” His words were soft, but the smile that spread over his face was the brightest thing I had ever seen.

I huffed. “You heard me. Don’t push it.”

‘Okay.” He smiled at me again as he made his way around my body, heading for my door. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself like I could somehow physically hold myself together. I heard the lock turn and the door pull open; I heard his feet shuffle through the doorway…before he paused. “Thank you, y/n.” The door clicked shut softly, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I wasn’t strong, I really wasn’t. Because if I was strong, I wouldn’t have felt so fucking hopeful.

--

After my conversation with Hotch yesterday, and my surprise visit from Reid last night, I expected my Saturday to be fairly uneventful. Which is why I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door at 8 pm that night.

“Who the fuck is it now?” I muttered, sighing with exasperation.

I thought Hotch was the most unexpected person I would ever see at my door unannounced, but this one caught me more off guard for so. I opened the door to see the bright smiling face of a young man in a delivery uniform. “Y/n y/l/n?” He asked politely.

“…Yes?”

He handed me a plastic bag with styrofoam containers inside. “Here you go. The bill has already been taken care of. Have a good night, ma’am!”

He was already halfway down the hall before I realized what was happening. “Wait, I didn’t order anything,” I called.

"I know, ma'am," he turned, walking backward as he spoke. "The order was placed in the store. A man came by and ordered the food, left a note to put in the bag, and told me to leave before you had a chance to refuse it." He smiled sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry, he gave me a really good tip. Have a good night!"

Frowning, I shut my door and moved into my kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. Sure enough, there was a note on top of the container.

“I know it’s your favorite. S.R.”

The thing about Reid is he had the worst handwriting I had ever seen. Even if I hadn’t suspected this was from him and he hadn’t signed the note, the handwriting would have given it away.

I went into my living room and snatched my phone off the couch before I quickly fired off a text.

“Why did you have dinner delivered to my house?”

His response came a moment later. “You know why.”

--

On Sunday morning, I had one of my last physical therapy appointments. I hadn't sustained any permanent damage to my left shoulder from the bullet. The only real issue was the healing muscle and the artery that was nicked. Even though I was right-handed, it was important in my line of work that I did not lose any strength in my left arm. The physical therapist had made an exception to see me on the weekend since my first day back at work was tomorrow.

The thought of going back to work made me incredibly nervous. I wasn't sure how things would be different. Not only did I have to worry about my relationship with Reid, but I also had to worry about how it would affect the team. I knew they all cared about me…but Reid had been a part of their family much longer than I had. Hotch’s visit on Friday meant a lot to me; I don’t think I would have been able to come back to work without it.

Despite my nerves, after being home on my couch for almost a month, I was itching to get back to doing the work I loved. I had already passed my post-injury psychiatric evaluation, which was pointless anyway as the BAU wrote the questions, but now with this approval from the physical therapist, I would only be on desk duty for 2 days once I returned.

I was so caught up in thought when I got to my apartment that I almost missed the paper taped to the front of my door. It was an envelope that looked some sort of parchment. If the type of paper didn’t give away the sender, the messy way my name was written on the front certainly did.

Calm down, y/n, I thought, reaching up to pluck the note from the door. It’s just a piece of paper. I knew my fear was irrational but trusting him after everything that had happened was terrifying. Because despite my best instincts, I wanted to trust him.

Inside the envelope was a letter, it wasn’t written on standard paper; but, nothing about the man it was from was ever standard.

--

“Y/n,

Before my mother’s schizophrenia became as bad as it is now, she used to read to me all the time. She was a professor of 15th-century literature. My love of reading came from her. Her favorite author is Margery Kempe; and when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, one quote in particular from Kempe kept coming to mind.

‘Patience is more worthy than miracle-working’.

The fact that you’ve given me even the slightest chance to apologize to you is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen. It's not a gift I'm going to take lightly. I know this is so incredibly hard for you. I know tomorrow is going to be hard for you, but I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to do anything before you're ready. I want to make amends, or at least try to, but I don't want to cause you any more pain.

You were patient with me in the beginning of our relationship; you were so unbelievably kind and generous – I think those are the things that made me…feel how I do now. I just want you to know that I’m prepared to be patient too. I never expected you to forgive me, and on the off chance you did, I knew it wouldn’t come easily.

I’d wait for you forever, y/n.

I don’t want to go against your wishes, but I want you to know that I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now and every moment after for the rest of my life. All you have to do is ask and I’ll never stop telling you what you mean to me.

- Spencer”

--

My hands shook as I refolded the letter, slipping it back inside the envelope. I was dialing his number before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

“Hello?” His voice sounded slightly apprehensive, almost shy.

“I got your letter,” I said quietly.

“I-I…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I let out a sigh. “No, Reid. You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’ve not called me Spencer since…”

“I’m not there yet.” I closed my eyes when I said it; even now…I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m just not there yet.

I heard him shift around on the other end of the line. “I know. You don’t have to be. I just…I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“And send me dinner,” I added dryly. He laughed softly before I asked what I really wanted to know. “Reid…how have you been?” I ran my hand over my forehead. “I mean…before I was…before I was shot I know you were struggling with-“

“Ah,” he mumbled when the realization hit him. “It wasn’t easy…it hasn’t been easy. I went to a lot of meetings after you were…And I spent a lot of time on JJ’s couch trying to convince her and myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away.”

I flexed the fingers of my left hand, my posture shifting while he spoke. “But you haven’t…I didn’t make…”

“Y/n,” he said, his voice was so fucking gentle that it almost shattered me. “I haven’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No bad choice I make is ever anyone’s fault but my own. My demons are my own.”

I sighed. “I know, Reid, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to make them worse.”

“You couldn’t,” he said firmly. “Whenever I did think about calling a dealer, doing anything I could to not feel the pain in my heart…I-I kept seeing your face. You looked so understanding when I told you about dilaudid. You made me feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time.”

I had to put my palm over the end of my phone. I didn’t want him to hear how my breathing had become uneven.

“Y/n, I’ll do anything to have you look at me like that again.”

"I don't need to ask why do I?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to defuse the tension.

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I found myself smiling, grateful he couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid.”

--

When I arrived to work on Monday morning for my first official day back, I was apprehensive but hopeful. The world wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as dark as it has been.

Right when I entered the bullpen, I saw something on my desk that made me pause. There in the center of my desk was a large iced coffee from my favorite cafe, the one near my house. No matter how early I got up, I never seemed to have time to stop there before work most days. So, the fact that a cup was there in the first place was cause for notice but that wasn’t the strangest part; the ice wasn’t melted. There wasn’t any condensation on the plastic cup.

I know I’m not a genius, but that can’t happen. Right?

“There she is!”

I turned to see Rossi making his way towards me, his arm's outstretched. He wrapped me in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“We’re happy to have you back, y/n.”

I smiled widely at him, meaning it when I said, “I’m happy to be back.” He gave my upper arm a squeeze before he started to walk away. “Hey, Rossi. Did you do this?” I asked, gesturing to the cup on my desk.

He just had a sly smile on his face. “I did not, kiddo.”

Of course, he didn't. After taking a deep breath, I turned to the desk across from mine. Reid was already sitting there scribbling away, doing a very good job of pretending he didn’t know I was already here. I marched over to him before I lost my nerve. “The ice wasn’t melted.”

He looked up at me, not the slightest bit surprised at my presence, a soft smile on his face. “Beg your pardon?”

“The ice. In my iced coffee. It wasn’t melted.” I waved my hand around in the air. I’m not crazy, am I? That couldn’t have just happened.

“That’s because I asked them not to put any ice in when they made it,” he said simply. “You don’t like it as much when it’s watered down after the ice melts some; so I just added the ice here.”

My heart started to beat faster. “Why would you do that?”

The smile on his face got bigger, his eyes seemed to soften somehow when he looked at me. “You know why,” he said simply.

I didn’t know what to say. So, with a tight nod at him, I turned and walked back to my desk.

The rest of my first day back went how I expected. When Morgan saw me, he gathered me up in a giant hug and spun around ignoring my demands to put me down. Garcia hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years and brought me cupcakes. Emily and JJ took me to lunch. Hotch made me fill out forms. And Reid…well, whenever I turned to look at him, I found he was already looking at me.

--

The very next day when I showed up for work, I was suspicious. Every day since that Friday, Reid had done something. But when I arrived in the morning there was nothing on my desk. Nothing appeared out of place. Maybe it’s a fluke. Reid was already sitting at his desk, scrolling through his e-mail.

I knew what he had done the second I sat down. For as long as I had worked at this desk in the BAU bullpen, there was one wheel on my chair that was wonky. It never wanted to roll, and it always drove me insane. No matter what I tried the wheel never worked this well, and especially not this smoothly. Did he-?

When I looked over, he was already looking at me, that same soft smile on his face.

--

On my third day back at work there was nothing on my desk when I arrived, there was nothing anywhere. But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t done yet; there had to be something.

That something was on my desk when I got back from turning in my return to active duty forms to Hotch. There was a single sunflower in a vase sitting on my desk. I walked up to it and touched the petals softly. It was beautiful, but I was confused.

Walking over to his desk, I didn’t bother trying to hide the confusion or apprehension on my face. This time he wasn’t pretending to be doing something else; his eyes had been on me since the moment I walked out of Hotch’s office.

“It’s beautiful,” I began. “But I don’t understand the symbolism.”

He tilted back in his chair, looking up at me. “Sunflowers always want to be looking at the sun…and so do I.”

Because he thinks I’m the sun.

“But don’t sunflowers stop turning towards the sun when they get older?”

He just nodded. “They might, but I never will.”

I ran my tongue over my lips before I pulled both of them in between my teeth. I felt tears prick the corners of my eye. “Why?” I asked, my voice slightly thicker than normal.

Spencer stood up then; it looked like he would reach for me, but he quickly put his hands at his sides. “I’ll stop if it hurts you. Y/n, I promise to never hurt you again.” His words were earnest, his eyes were pleading. “But ‘why?’ You know why.”

I just nodded my head slightly, blowing out a shaky breath. “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

I don't know why Spencer said I was the sun because his smile at that moment was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. "Is it too much if I throw in a cheesy line, like, 'it's not as lovely as you?'"

“Brat,” I muttered, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see my smile.

That bright smile was still on his face when we all met in the conference room 20 minutes later. I saw Rossi clap him on the back when he walked in. JJ shot him a very sweet smile, it was almost motherly, like she was proud of him. Prentiss just winked.

Morgan wasn’t subtle. I’m not sure he knew how to be. He held out his fist for a fist bump, laughing openly when Spencer just wrapped his hand around it and shook.

“Alright,” Hotch said from the front of the room. Fuck, even he is smiling a little bit. “Let’s get started.”

--

Less than 30 minutes later, I was boarding the BAU jet for the first time in more than a month. We were off to Arkansas to assist the Hot Springs police department to catch a suspected serial killer.

I was one of the last ones on board; I smiled awkwardly when I saw everyone’s eyes on me.  

“What kept you, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

Oh, I’m Pretty Girl now? Subtle. I shot Morgan a look to indicate I wasn’t amused. “I had to talk to Garcia.”

Rossi looked at me expectantly “…About?”

They were all just staring at me, and they weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. I sighed. “I couldn’t just leave it on my desk, you assholes.” Garcia might have squealed loudly when I brought her my sunflower and asked her to watch over it for me.

Every one of them laughed…except Reid. Reid just bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze. He looked so much like my nervous boy that it made me ache. That was the first time I allowed myself to admit how much I missed my darling boy.

--

I was in the middle of going over victimology when a cup of coffee was sat down beside me. I mumbled my thanks, not even glancing up, just reaching out to grab it. It wasn’t until my fingers wrapped around the cup that my head snapped up.

“Morgan,” I called. “What’s this?”

His smile was very, very bright. “It’s your coffee.”

I picked up the iced coffee, giving it a once over. “Are you or are you not the same Derek Morgan that has said multiple times, ‘I ain’t no damn barista if you want special coffee you go get it your damn self'?"  

He nodded, his smile never wavering. “I am, so don’t get used to it. But when my boy has finally stopped being a dumbass and is trying to win his girl back?” He winked at me. “I’ll make an exception when he asks for a favor.”

I heard JJ laugh softly from the other end of the table. I scrunched my face into a mock glare at both of them. “Don’t you have a murderer to catch?”

He turned before leaving the room, putting a hand to his chest in a very dramatic fashion. “Pretty Girl, you should know SSA Derek Morgan can multitask!”

--

I still don’t know what it is about towns in the middle of nowhere, but it never fails, one of the cops from said town will try to weasel his way into my bed the second the case is over. I was packing up after the unsub was booked when someone cleared his throat behind me to get my attention. This time it was a tall, slightly out of shape Officer named Reynolds. His smile was greasy but at least he didn’t try to touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, offering what I hoped was a polite smile. “I have a boyfriend.” I always tried to be diplomatic when this happened, just because I didn’t need to Hotch reprimand me for threatening a member of the local police…again.

Officer Reynolds’ scoffed. “He doesn’t have to know.”

The smile dropped off my face, my eyes hardening. Fucker. “That’d be pretty fucking difficult since he’s a member of my team and he’s sharing a room with me.” I picked up my bag and tossed a sarcastic “nice working with you” over my shoulder before I hightailed it out of the conference room. I didn’t stop until I got to the main entrance of the precinct, where I planned to wait for the rest of the team.

“So, am I the boyfriend you mentioned?” A voice asked from behind me.

Of course. I turned to see Dr. Spencer Reid looking very pleased with himself. “I also didn’t know you wanted to share a room with me tonight. We each have single rooms though, so we don’t have to swap with anyone else…” he trailed off pretending to think. “So, who’s room are we taking?”

I rolled my eyes. “Reid, if it got some slimy cop off my back, I’d tell him you were my husband. I will throw you under the bus to save myself from a very awkward conversation that would probably lead to me punching someone.”

His face changed, he no longer looked overly pleased with himself. He looked like the same man that sat on the couch with me all those weeks ago and asked me if I kissed my submissives. He looked like the Spencer that used to be mine.

“You act like I’d mind,” he said quietly.

“Mind what? Being thrown under the bus?”

“Being called your husband.”

I froze, my eyes immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I let out a very shaky exhale, a sure sign that I was about to cry. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Why is he doing this to me?

I saw his beaten-up converse move into my field of view. He was close to me now, but he didn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “But I promised I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”

JJ walked around the corner then and he broke away from me. I just stared at my hands the whole drive back to the hotel.

--

The clock on the bedside table blinked 11:47 pm. I had been lying in bed since 9 pm trying to fall asleep. When we arrived back to the hotel, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just kept my head down and walked straight into my room. Once I was inside, I tore my clothes off and got into the shower, turning it on the hottest temperature I could tolerate.

I felt the tears; they were right there, I felt them pulsing underneath my eyes. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to deny myself everything I had ever wanted when it was offering itself to me…I was the reason I was in pain right now, and it was all because I was so fucking terrified to trust him again.

I glanced back over at the clock. 11:49 pm.

Taking a deep breath, trying to pull some sort of courage into myself, I picked up my phone.

He’s probably sleeping, I reasoned, giving myself one last chance to back out.

But then the phone was dialing. I listened to the ringing and held my breath. Because what was I supposed to do if he didn’t answer? What was I supposed to do if he did?

“Y/n?” his sleepy voice asked, sounding disoriented but urgent. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Everything. And no. But I couldn't get my mouth to open. I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, then everything would spill out. All the pain, all the secrets, all the hopes, and fears…and it would all be bared to Spencer Reid.

In the way that Spencer knew everything, he knew what I needed then. “I’ll be right there.” I heard a rustling on his end of the line, but he never hung up the phone.

Before I was ready, I heard the same hesitant knock on my door that I heard every night he came to my hotel room just because he missed me; the same knock that I had heard that first day at my apartment. The knock was the final crack that broke the dam I had built around my emotions in an attempt to hold them back so they wouldn’t sweep me away.

I don’t remember walking to the door, I don’t remember unlocking it; all I remember is Spencer standing on the other side in the same Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants he wore in my apartment when we sat on my couch on our first real night together.

“Y/n?” His eyes ran over me frantically. He came into the room, shutting the door behind him. His hands reached out like he would grab me, but I saw the indecision on his face. “Tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

The moment that I was so afraid of happened then. The tears finally flooded my eyes and my jaw unlocked. “Spence, I’m scared.” I swallowed, trying to control my broken voice. “I want this so much but I’m terrified.”

His arms enveloped me before I was finished speaking. One hand in the center of my back, the other on the back of my head. He smelt like coffee, laundry detergent, and my Spencer. My body shook in his arms. The pain from his words at the hospital, the pain from him not being there when I woke up, the pain of losing him, and the pain of having to turn him away for almost a week when he was all I wanted; all of that pain just poured out of me while I sobbed into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. And I will do anything-I’ll do everything to prove to you that I will never hurt you again.”

He kept holding me until my tears finally quieted, my body almost went limp in his arms. The weight of all of that pain was so heavy for so long, and now that I didn’t have to hold it, I was so tired.

“Spence?” My throat felt raw, my eyes were puffy.

“Hmm?”

I didn’t lift my head to look at him. “I’m ready to hear it now.”

Spencer froze, I’m pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. Then he leaned back, pulling his chest away from my face. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs moving over my cheeks softly, wiping the tear trails away. Spencer held me like I was more fragile than glass like I was made of something that would crumble into nothing if he so much as moved wrong.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, his beautiful golden-brown eyes searching mine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so,” I said, giving him a small shaky laugh.

He tilted my head up slightly before his lips brushed against my forehead. “I loved you before you were ready to hear it; I loved you before you even knew I existed.” He pressed another kiss my cheek. “I loved you since the first time you smiled at me.” He kissed my other cheek. “I will never stop telling you how much I love you.” He trailed his lips over to my mouth. “I will love you forever…because no one has ever loved someone the way I love you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my lips.

I leaned forward and brushed my mouth against his. I felt the final layer of my resistance crumble. “Please don’t hurt me again, Spence.”

He pulled away to stare in my eyes. “I will never hurt you like this again. I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”

“Just kiss me, Spencer.”

He gave me a tiny grin at the command. “I thought you didn’t kiss your submissives,” he teased.

I brought my hand up to hold his face. “You know I break all my rules for you, my darling, nervous boy.”

--

--

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[raahosh]

Hi!! i recently discovered your writings and BOOM total fan :D i really like the Kaz Brekker x reader stuff and since i am totally obsessed with this guy i was wondering if you could write something like him x reader and she is like this one of a kind Grisha (like she can create blue fire for example) and how they met and how was she taken as a members etc. Thank you, love you and keep doin what u doing :X

Type: Kaz Brekker x reader.

Fandom: Six of Crows.

Summary: The story of one of the most trusted member of the Dregs since the beginning.

Warnings: Mention of blood, injured people and a kind of fluff and I think Kaz Brekker being Kaz Brekker needs a warning itself, mentions of trauma.

Authors note: First I'd like to thank you, I'm really happy that you like what I do, you're so sweet. Second of all, I thought about doing it like this, I really hope you liked. And sorry if it's too long.

ㅤㅤㅤHow you guys met

Kaz Brekker knew about every new person in Ketterdam that could be useful in the future. He kept an eye on every single person that stepped on the Barrel and that wasn't different for you.

He made at least 2 people get information about you, whatever type of it, he just wanted to know more about the new Grisha that had come to the Barrel. Soon he discovered your name, age, where you came from and the place you go most frequently. Of course, Inej had helped him with all of that, her hiding skills were impressive but she had to show up to get some further information, making her your first friend in Ketterdam.

The other guy that was sent to follow you everywhere you go almost got killed by the other gang which tried to do the same as Kaz, but this one wasn't even a little kind or subtle.

You got a lot of gang requests, a lot of people came to you trying to make money from you but you were here for different reasons. You just ran off of Ravka to find yourself, you didn't want to be part of the army, didn't want to be with those people for long, you wanted to find something you truly liked.

One day you were at a bar and saw Inej coming from the door in a hush to talk to you. You were tipsy. And yes, isn't a good thing to get drunk in a city where you didn't know anything about. Ketterdam was still a mystery for you, you were there for 3 months and familiar with the place but not actually how it worked.

"So, Y/N, do you want to be part of something?" Her voice was low like she was sharing a really important State secret with you.

"Of course I want, what's your-" You almost fell. "your proposal?"

"Ok, I have something for you and you'll have to trust me. I know I told you not to trust Berrel people but it's going to be in a public place. Meet me at the Fifth Harbor tomorrow at 8 AM"

Before you could ask the exact place of the Fifth Harbor she was gone.

You stayed there for a while and then went back home, you needed to sleep if you wanted to be up at 8 AM. You weren't exactly helpless, actually, you're a strong Grisha, trained in Ravka but always look twice when there's a man walking with you on the street. It was mechanical and God knows how you wanted to be more courageous, it was something whatever enemy could notice and take advantage of.

The next day you were at the Fifth Harbor when the same girl from yesterday came up to you and took you to somewhere you didn't even know existed. There you found a guy with a crow cane and another one that carried a gun with him like his baby.

The cane guy soon was recognized as Kaz Brekker, the gun one was Jesper and the girl you already know. He gave you a good proposal, you listened a lot about the Dregs the time you were in Ketterdam. At the end of the day, you accepted to work with them, with some conditions but nothing they couldn't handle. And in the end, you didn't have to go back to that hotel room, not that the place you're now in was much better but at least it wasn't dripping water from the ceiling.

Kaz made sure you were strong enough for your job, so in the first month, he gave you a lot of work to do, since stealing information from the most powerful men in Ketterdam. At first, you didn't like it, he was so cold, with that voice tone but then you just got used to it.

ㅤㅤㅤWhen you got your Dreg tattoo.

For Kaz, having you in the team was a great achievement. You were one of the most powerful kind of Grisha and were trained properly. That gave Kaz an advantage over the other gangs. He knew you'd be really useful, when he told you to join the Dregs he didn't actually know how powerful you were, it was a surprise for him when you first used it.

You didn't know why Inej didn't want to get that tattoo, it was so pretty if it was a gang tattoo or not. The day you met Jesper, the gun guy from the day you changed your life forever, this guy turned to be one of your greatest friends. Nina was there too, the other Grisha on the team, you felt a little more secure with her there. Not actually secure but at least comfortable to have someone like you.

"Let's go, Y/N, this isn't to going to bite you but Kaz will if you don't make this tattoo." You could hear Nina's voice from the end of the stairs.

"I'm not going to bite anyone. I told you, I'm not the one who's going to force her to do it, she does what she's comfortable with." Kaz was irritated, not at you but at the time we've been through.

From your door, you rolled your eyes, even though they couldn't see you. You put on your boots while coming down the stairs. When you were at the last flight of stairs you stumbled and grabbed Kaz's arm as a mechanical movement of survival.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." You said as you were taking away your hand. He didn't say a word when left for his office.

You knew he wasn't the contact guy type but this wasn't with intention. Ok, that's not important for now, the important thing is that you and Nina went to make your new Dregs tattoo and another one you wanted badly to do.

It was painful but with Jesper and Nina's there turned out to be funny. You guys laughed a lot and then went back to Ripa's.

"Y/N, how dramatic you can be, this didn't even hurt that bad."Jesper tried to tease you while he, you and Nina were drinking.

"It's easy for you to say when it wasn't you the one who was getting hurt." You showed your tongue for him.

"You guys are going to kill each other one day." Nina were laughing as much as you and Jesper.

"He can't live without me, he would never do such thing." You made your best puppy face.

"Wow, wow, wow. Don't try me, ok, blue flame." He said and you gave him that middle finger gesture.

"I'm happy you really made the tattoo." The first thing he said when you got into the room.

The moment you stepped in Kaz came in you direction and told you he wanted to see you in his office. Actually what you didn't know is that the mission he'd send you would be the one to change your life completely, not just yours but everyone with you.

"I couldn't wait longer, I like it a lot actually." You said analyzing the Crow sipping from the glass of wine in your arm. "So, what's the deal?" Actually, you had better things to do.

"I wanted to talk with you. What about 4 million kruges and more respect in this city? Maybe going back to Ravka, but I don't really know what you're going to do with the money when we get back." If he's being honest he didn't want you to leave but that is something he wasn't going to admit either for himself.

"Are you serious? Of course, I'd like to. So, what do I have to break into?" You said excitedly and your hand went to hold your waist.

His eyes followed your movement, then he just shook his head a little and went back to meet your eyes. "The Ice Court." He said casually and stood up with some papers in hand.

"What? Are you mad, like really insane?" And now you were eyes wide open trying to ratiocinate what he was saying. The Ice Court was impenetrable, the people that tried died in the first step.

"No, but I'll need your help and some other people but just you know that for now. So, you're in or out?" He started moving in the room. It wasn't big but neither small.

You thought for a bit, bringing your fingers to your chin trying to think of the possible consequences. Then you sighed and took a step closer to Kaz's table, you turned abruptly and leaned backward, your hands holding the table and your thighs resting on it.

His eyes studied your movements for a bit. He crossed his arms almost telling you to leave but he didn't and that's why Kaz Brekker was thinking so much. Why couldn't he tell you to stop being so comfortable in his office? Is that because he didn't want to?

He'd know later that is because he loved to see you getting confident around him, he's a guy after all and when you came to the city, your first weeks you were so professional and the old Kaz liked it but now...

"Ok Brekker I'm in but I'm going to think until tomorrow. I'm going to analyze." You signed. It was a hard decision. You were indebted, not like Jesper or the rest but owed some money for some people.

"I'll give you until tomorrow. Meet me here at 10 PM and if you don't come I know you're out." Did you notice all the looks and analysements he was doing at you? Well, you were too focused on this suicide mission to notice anything.

When you went to your room this night all you could think of was that Kaz Brekker called you for a super important mission and which things you should bring with you. Maybe he trusted you, maybe not, but if not why would he tell you about something like this.

ㅤㅤㅤThe moment he realized he trusted you.

It was chaos, our plan failed, they knew we were here. You got seriously injured, Nina was trying to heal you but it was so back. When you tried to use your powers against a Fjerdan soldier he used something to make your flame doesn't work. Of course, they'd have it but you didn't think it'd be used at all, not as fast as that guy did.

He hit you so bad that your leg was invaluable right now. Nina was doing her best to heal you, you were losing a lot of blood and you didn't know what to do, you were trying to stay awake and Jesper was giving you water, you were all in the ceiling of the building, and Kaz...Just God knows where Kaz is.

That's when he appeared behind Nina and when his gaze met your body the concern in his expression turned serious. He was trying to hide it but it was impossible. He came fast and knelt before you.

"What the fuck happened here? Why's she losing so much blood? Nina, does something." His tone was cold but obviously worried.

"I'm trying ok, Brekker." That's when she did something that made you stop bleeding.

You tried to move again but it was difficult, painful but you couldn't let it. You tried to stand up and leaned on Kaz to do it, he was so astonished that didn't even remember to think properly. His breath was in your neck and his arm around the back of your waist, giving you some kind of stability. Your arm was around his shoulder trying to stay up and be awake.

Y'all stayed there for a while when you not fully recovered but you could at least walk properly. Kaz told the parts of the new plan that was convenient for you and you listened to every bit of it afraid of being a weight for them.

"Ok, if you want I can lend you my cane. If you can't walk." He was cold as a stone but that concern didn't vanish.

He wasn't sure why he did that, why he said that. Would he really give you his cane?... Of course, he would but why? The pieces don't align... Did he trust you? Of course, he did, that's why he asked you to come with him. Ok, we don't have time for this now.

"Doesn't need, thank you anyway. Let's go, we can talk when we're out of this place." You giggled but he did not. So you two went back to your parts of the plan.

ㅤㅤㅤThe first real moment.

You were looking for Kaz, some told that he was in his office but he wasn't and some told you to look at his room and there he was. You knocked on the door and when he said you could enter you did.

It was a small room, like every other, but on the last floor of the building. He liked the sensation of having a floor just for him. When you entered the room he was organizing some things and you just leaned on the wall.

"I thought you'd like to know that my leg is better now." That was a lie. You didn't think that but you wanted to see him, for the last time maybe. You'd go back to Ravka, the place where you regretted leaving and Nina would go back with you.

"Yeah, I don't know why you thought that but-" He turned around. "You look good." His eyes were glazed on you, not because you had a bandage on your leg but... Is Kaz Brekker mesmerized? His eyes were sparkling, there's something different with Brekker today.

"Thanks, Nina did the first whole thing but then we went to see a medik and-" You said when he interrupted you. "No, I'm not talking about it- I'm just-" He didn't finish.

So you came closer to him, step by step until your body was in front of his. Your hand went to his face cupping his cheek. He was still looking at you. Actually, he was glad you were alive, he feared for you in that ceiling and if you died he would change the whole plan just to kill everyone who did that to you. But no, brick by brick.

He closed his eyes. Normally he doesn't let anyone touch him, but you were different, you were. The beat of his heart paced, he could feel it desperate to leave your chest. Your thumb traced his chin and your gaze met his mouth where your thumb was now sliding on.

The cold water was coming closer, closer to him and he didn't know how much he could hold on but he didn't want you to go. He didn't want you to leave.

"Please, don't go... Don't go back to Ravka, stay here- with me." Don't ask me, neither he knows where these words came from.

"Stay here and... What do I have to do here, Kaz?" You took a step closer. Now your bodies collided, your mouths were centimeters of distance. His breath was deregulated, yours too, he urged to kiss you. The cold water retired for a moment and that's when he thought it was over but when he opened his eyes he saw that you didn't go anywhere, you were right in front of him analyzing every move.

You leaned forward, touching your lips slightly, very very slightly, making him shiver. The touch, flesh with flesh contact terrified him and he was trying to stay stable or even pull away, but he couldn't. At the same time, he wanted to do it his trauma didn't let him. But instead of pushing he pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around your waist, and thank God, it was clothed. You just turned your head a bit, to fit your lips with his better deepening the kiss but not at all.

Mouths, lips, yours were so soft, he could do it forever.

Wait, soft, lips... He had to push you when he felt like drowning, when the water consumed him, the memory, everything, it was like jumping into the lake but the water was deeper than you thought.

To be honest you never talked about it again. Not for a long time. But you earned his trust, his love, and this was going to be counted when you were in danger. Of course it was, he were that type of guy "Touch her and I'll kill you".

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Broken Mirror: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: ~2.6k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill, and angst

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

Feedback is gold, and it’s the only currency I take

“Please, come in,” Evan Davenport greeted when you finally showed up at his house. You, Gideon, Hotch, and Spencer went to his house while Elle and Derek met Cheryl at the crime scene. “I have six people on my staff. I have three bodyguards. They've all had polygraphs. Everybody's been vetted.”

“Have they all have alibis for the night of the kidnapping?” Hotch asked. Entering the house, you looked around at family pictures and little trinkets they ad at the house. Sometimes, those are the biggest clue about who a person is and what they are capable of. There were a lot of people at the house to make sure it wasn’t bugged so that Evan’s team can come in and set up their equipment.

“All accounted for by the local FBI field office. Cheryl flew in yesterday. I'm just making sure that she's not alone even for--sorry, I just feel like I'm suffocating here. I just want somebody to tell me that she's okay.”

“Dr. Reid,” Gideon called for him, waiting until he was by his side. “What do the statistics tell us?”

“If you follow their instructions and give them the money, your daughter will be returned.”

“Done. This house is bug free,” an FBI agent from the local field office announced. The head bodyguard or whatever he was called in for their equipment. His name is Vincent Shyer, but there was something off about him. You couldn't place exactly what it was, but you were going to make sure he was watched very closely by your eye.

“Alright, bring it in!”

“Gideon,” you whispered, motioning him to come over. “I’m getting a weird vibe from Vincent. Like weirder than normal. Almost as if I can feel Trish’s energy all over him.”

“Keep an eye on him. We can’t rule anyone out.”

“Okay,” you nodded slightly. He left your side to go back to the group to question the father some more, leaving you alone.

“So, what are your theories so far about this kidnapper?”

“That he targeted you for a reason. Every line of the letter starts with the word ‘you’. He's angry at you and probably feels like you owe him. That everything you own, you don't deserve,” Hotch answered.

“From the language in the ransom we most likely believe that he's working alone,” you added from your corner of the room. Looking at the agents, you just gave them a smile before heading over to the group. “So, your daughters are identical twins?”

“They're not entirely identical. They're mirror twins. Some of Trish's organs are on the right side that should be on the left. Doctors assured us that it wasn't life-threatening,” Evan explained, showing your team the book that explained the condition in detail. Spencer took it, opened it, and began reading it. Along with Evan’s team’s equipment, you brought some of your own to monitor the call which Hotch was getting set up right now. He was going to make sure that when this bastard called, he would track him.

“Situs inversus,” Spencer said from his spot, naming the condition that Evan just described. He ran his finger down the length of the page quickly since his mind could process that many words per minute. He was flying through the pages at an incredible speed, and Evan kept watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“They had self-defense training?” Gideon asked.

“Yeah. I insisted on it. The protective detail rankled when they hit puberty, and I was sure that they would refuse their bodyguards when they left for college,” he stuttered at the end, turning to Spencer to address his reading skills. “Excuse me. Can you actually read that fast?”

“Our conscious minds can process sixteen bits of information per second. Our unconscious, however, can process eleven million,” Spencer informed, going back to the book.

“That’s his talk of yes, he can read that fast,” you chuckled.

“If whoever took her wants me to blow cases or suppress evidence or stand down--”

“What makes you think it's someone you prosecuted?” Gideon interrupted him.

“Well, I have money, but I don't have millions. I mean, what else could it be?”

“In our experience, Mr. Davenport, every case is different,” you said.

Once the rest of the team and Cheryl was back safe in the house, it was almost eight. The call monitoring system was all ready to go, and Evan was going to be the one to answer the call. He didn’t know how to use the system, but Spencer was showing him how.

“This button answers the call,” he explained, pointing to the right ones, “this button makes everyone in the room silent. It'll flash red. You'll be able to hear his side of the conversation. He won't be able to hear us.”

“We'll be running the trace through the field office, but you're in good hands with agent Gideon and his team,” Vincent assured. There was something completely off about him, even after he and his team left to go track it through the field office where they work. There was something wrong, and it bugged the shit out of you that you couldn’t place it.

“You think Cheryl's a whack job because she claims she can feel her sister's anxiety?” Elle spoke to Derek in the kitchen which was right next to you. Leaving your post, you approached the duo.

“I never said whack job.”

“Actually there may be a physiological basis for it,” you said. “Reversed asymmetry monozygotic eggs split late between nine to twelve days.”

“Don’t tell me there’s another one of Reid,” Derek groaned.

“How do you think I got two PhDs at my age? I may not be a genius with an IQ of 187, but I do know a lot,” you grinned.

“She’s actually right,” the young genius said as he joined the group. “The DNA matches right down to the very last stranded code, and there's sporadic documentation of shared physiological pain.”

“You believe it?” Derek asked after staring at you for a good minute.

“No, I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.”

“I never said that. When have I ever said that?”

“Every day since I met you.”

“This morning at breakfast,” you added.

“Yesterday when he beat you at cards,” Hotch interjected with a grin. “Um, we've got one minute.”

“Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?” Derek scoffed, following the group back into the main room where everyone was waiting. Evan was very nervous, almost to the point of sweating, but he was trying to remain calm. Cheryl, on the other hand, wasn’t doing too well visually. The emotional energy in this room was very nerve racking, it was almost getting to you.

“Remember keep your voice even and calm and agree with everything he says,” Gideon instructed.

“He's late,” Evan sighed impatiently when the clock read 8:02 pm.

“He'll call. Just try to relax. This is his strategy. He wants you on edge,” you said.

“Remember to repeat any important information he gives you to make sure you understand. You try to keep him talking to reveal something about Trish or about himself,” Gideon encouraged. The phone began ringing, and just to keep the unsub stewing a bit, Gideon let the phone ring for a few more seconds before pressing the button that answered the call.

“This is Evan Davenport.”

“Hello, Mr. Davenport,” the unsub spoke. For a split second, you got a flash of Vincent’s face. It disappeared as quickly as it came, but it left you confused as to why you got that image.

“Are you the man who has my daughter Patricia?”

“I have your daughter.”

“Can I ask you--”

“You may ask me nothing,” he interrupted. “This is not an interrogatory. You will only listen to my instructions.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

“But I will not give them to you. I do not want to talk to you, Mr. Davenport. I want to talk to her. I want to talk to Cheryl,” he revealed. Gideon pressed the button that muted the call so that the unsub couldn’t hear anything the room was saying.

“What's he doing?” Evan asked.

“What most of the offenders we catch try to do is establish dominance,” Derek explained.

“How long can we keep him on hold?” Elle questioned.

“We can’t put her on,” you stated the obvious.

“Why not? I want to help. I'll talk to him,” Cheryl jumped at the chance to hear her sister’s voice.

“Cheryl doesn't have the authority that Davenport holds. He shouldn't want to talk to her.”

“I think that she should speak to him,” Elle determined.

“Do I need to repeat myself? I want to talk to Cheryl. Put her on the phone. Now,” the unsub grew impatient on the other line.

“No,” Evan shook his head.

“I think she should speak to him. He wants to talk to her. The more he speaks, the more he reveals.”

“She is right, Gideon,” Derek sighed.

“He has my sister!”

“No,” Gideon shook his head. “Y/N, you do it.”

“Okay,” you whispered, switching places with him. It was either you or Elle, and you had the more delicate voice which would best represent Cheryl’s.

“I’m waiting,” the unsub sighed. Once the room got silent, you pressed the button and began speaking.

“Okay, this is Cheryl.” No answer. “This is Cheryl.”

“I have Patricia by my side. I know her voice, so therefore, I know her sister's. Get off the phone. I want Cheryl. I'll give you 60 seconds. If you don't put her on the phone, I will hang up, and you will never hear from me or Patricia again.”

“Prep her,” Gideon said once the call was muted. Taking a seat next to Cheryl who took your spot, you had to make sure she was ready.

“Fifty seconds.”

“This guy's arrogant. Let him know that he's in control. Let him guide the conversation.”

“Forty.”

“Use your sister's name. Say my sister Trish or her name's Patricia. Talk about her.”

“Thirty-five.”

“Let him get to know her through you. Don't veer off topic.”

“Got it,” Cheryl nodded.

“I know you’re scared, okay? But this is really important that you follow what I say. Agree with him.”

“Twenty-five seconds.”

“Tell him that you understand him. I know this is going to be very difficult, but empathize with him. If you do so, he might reveal where he’s holding her.”

“Twenty.”

“Let him know that he didn't mean to hurt Trish or go this far, and that he can fix it. He has a chance to show that he's a kind and forgiving person by letting your sister go.”

“Ten seconds.”

“If you don’t know what to say, I’ll be right here to help you. I know a thing or two about empathizing.”

“Three, two, one.”

“This is Cheryl,” the young woman spoke a second after the countdown ended.

“Hello, Cheryl. How are you?”

“I'd be a lot better if I knew that my sister Patricia is okay.”

“I can tell you have a lot of empathy, Cheryl. You care about others.”

“Yes, I do, and it sounds like you understand,” she sniffled, but tried to keep her sobs silent.

“You mean that I empathize? Yes. I do. Very much. I empathize. I empathize with you, Cheryl. I know you want to be with your sister.”

“Yes, I want Trish back.”

“Good. Tell me what you want, Cheryl. I'm very interested. Tell me all about yourself. What's your favorite color?” he asked, and you were quick to press the mute button.

“Don’t answer that. Stay on the topic of Trish,” you informed, pressing the button once more to unmute it.

“If I tell you, will you let me talk to my sister?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I like blue,” she said, letting a tear roll down her cheek.

“How ordinary. Do you like chocolate, Cheryl?” he asked, but received no answer. He was growing impatient, so he repeated the question in a much slower done. “Do. You. Like. Chocolate?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I do as well,” he laughed.

“Please, let me talk to my sister. All I want to do is hear her voice. Please,” she begged. There was some skuttle on the other end, and you hoped Trish was alive enough to answer the call. “Hello?”

“Cheryl?” Trish’s voice sounded groggy like she didn’t know where she was or if she was hopped up on drugs.

“Trish!”

“Cher, is that you?”

“Trish, it's me. I'm here. Are you okay?” Cheryl asked, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Cher, I can't,” the other sister whimpered.

“Where are you? What do you see?”

“I-I see the moon,” she groaned. The same skuttle sounded, and the phone was taken from the other sister.

“Trish!”

“Have 500,000 ready,” the unsub spoke.

“Let me talk to her!”

“$500,000 is what I'm owed. The Davenports will wait by the phone. You will receive a call with precise instructions in exactly 15 minutes,” the unsub said right before hanging up. Your eyes went to Spencer since he was the one doing the tracing.

“Were your able to trace it?” Gideon asked.

“No. He's probably using a disposable cell phone. They're impossible to trace.”

“She said she could see the moon.”

“She sounded delirious.”

“She was sedated,” you concluded. “It could have been a light.”

“If he's keeping her drugged, it might mean he's not very strong. He might have to keep her weak just so he can dominate her,” Derek observed.

“Or he's keeping her quiet,” Elle added.

“Has Davenport told us everything about his staff?” Gideon wondered.

“Oh, yeah, we have detailed reports but we should probably revisit background on household staff aides and current docket.”

“Pay close attention to Vincent,” you blurted out softly.

“Why? What is it?” Hotch whispered to you.

“I don’t know. All I know is that when the unsub started talking, I got a flash of Vincent’s face. Isn’t it a bit weird that they both sounded the same?”

“Similar, yes. I’ll have Garcia check it out.”

“Thanks,” you nodded.

“He said owed,” Gideon interrupted, thinking out loud.

“$500,000. His demand sounded scripted, like he was reading it to us,” Spencer remarked.

“But the rest of the conversation wasn't. He was his most relaxed just talking to Cheryl,” you conversed.

“What does that mean?” Evan stressed.

“He might know her already.”

“How quickly can you get the money?” Gideon wondered. Deciding to let Gideon handle him, you looked to your left to see Cheryl in the kitchen with a bottle of alcohol in her hand. Sighing, you left their side to join the underaged girl and took both the glass and bottle out of her hand.

“Look, I know I shouldn't drink, but under the circumstances, do you think you could let this one slide?” she sighed.

“I know it’s hard, but we need you at your best.”

“Have you had many cases like this?”

“I’ve seen my share of abductions, yes.”

“I don't know how you do this job. How do you stomach it?”

“Sometimes I don’t. I’m not your normal FBI agent. I see more than most, and I feel it. I’m an empathic psychic. Whether you believe in that sort of thing or not is up to you, but I feel your pain and I feel your sister’s fear as if it were my own. She’s close, but I don’t know where. No matter where I go, all I see are abductions, murders, and everything else you can see. For the most part, all these criminals are just cowards. There's nothing I'd rather do more than put the bastards away.”

“I just wish you could get them before they snatch someone,” Cheryl sighed sadly.

“Trish is alive, I can feel it. I know you can too. You've trusted your feelings this far. Hold onto that.”

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[silly-bean]

oh ohhhhhhh may I ask for the 5 of your wips xD, bc wow you have a lot of ideas

Doc 5 is yet another version I forgot about of a C!Cloud dimension hopping au thingy (even though I literally just came up with it and talked to people about it like yesterday or something lmao).

The doc title is Most Dangerous Game AU and it literally just consists of the discord chat log between me and a few others in the Aimee server. @emrald-writes actually came up with the prompt for this version, so I'm crediting them with like half of this because we basically just hashed out plot details together.

The first "section" reads:

emrald_fern — Today at 7:46 PM

ok but au where cloud gets tossed into a post c!cloud world and for whatever reason, it takes months for that worlds inhabitants to realize he's not strife. months they spend hunting him like an animal

gil bean — Today at 7:54 PM

OH HOHO

emrald_fern — Today at 7:59 PM

just poor cloud constantly on the run from avalanche and like maybe the firsts. every time he tries to explain that he's not who they think he is they think he's lying

the thing that finally makes them see sense is like cloud taking on like a fucking behemoth pride or something to protect some kids. or fuck maybe he goes toe to toe with strife himself

this is of course after months of stress so cloud's just fucking exhausted so he gets the absolute shit beat out of him. then he gets to walk up in a hospital room like strapped down to a bed.

needless to say he freaks out

gil bean — Today at 8:12 PM

oh yes

I call it "Most Dangerous Game AU" because Cloud spends months being hunted through the wilderness by the C!Cloud AVALANCHE because they assume he's Strife before he gets captured.

He actually gets captured because the party runs up on him saving some wannabe adventurers from a behemoth and are wary of him, but now willing to talk because he's protecting people instead of just killing them??? And then they all walk up to him before he can confirm the behemoth is actually dead and start interrogating him. Cloud's in a daze since he's absolutely exhausted and very hungry and dehydrated from being on the run for so long but then he spots movement from the behemoth, who's not dead and makes to land a hit on Zack, who has his back completely to the monster. Cloud leaps forward and takes the hit full-on and collapses because he's just gotten himself very injured.

This gets them to question whether or not Cloud is actually Strife, since Strife would never take a hit like that for Zack, and they decide to get him medical care, so they bring him back to a hospital for treatment. They restrain him because they're still worried about him being a genocidal maniac and sedate him with the intention of having Zack and Seph (who survived Nibelheim and spent time in Hojo's lab right along with Zack, the scientist trying to figure out "what went wrong" with him) be there when he wakes up.

The first time he wakes, it's earlier than expected because he has a higher tolerance for sedatives than they thought, so he goes into a panic attack upon realizing he's restrained in a "lab". The dimension-hopping fully saturated the poor man in mako, so he's also got a mild case of mako poisoning that he hasn't been able to shake since arriving because he's spent the entire time being hunted down like an animal.

The second time he wakes actually ends up being worse because Zack and Seph are there and he's still restrained, so he enters full flashback territory and it's not pretty. The third time he wakes up, Vincent is there, but he's still confused as to where and when he is, so he talks to Vincent like he's his Vincent, just making more questions for the party.

After that, it kinda goes downhill because he can't differentiate what's real vs what's in his head, so he succumbs more to the mako and yeah it's a whole mess.

The rest of what we plotted basically goes like:

Cloud eventually falls back on his Zack-personality because the stress is too much for his brain

He ping-pongs between being Zack and having no memory of anything past Nibelheim and a raving mess of ptsd

They eventually decide to do a brain scan to try and figure out if something's wrong and go "holy shit that's a lot of damage", but the act of doing the test also makes Cloud take another turn for the worst

It culminates in Marlene (who Barret had visit one time and Cloud's apparent familiarity with her caused many a question) deciding to visit on her own because "the strange man seems really sad and scared" and Cloud seeing her and freaking because "omg there's a kid in the labs???" and then taking her and breaking out.

He gets all the way to the chocobo farm and the birds actually help him sort out what's real and what's not and allow him to get a handle on things.

Of course, there's more angst after they find him and Marlene, and Strife makes a return and does not like someone who is basically him being "friends" with Zack and causes problems, but this is all I'm gonna directly talk about for now.

[niawritess]

The Lovestruck~Chapter 3

(27 November )

8:15 am

"Is Ria Noona giving us a ride again?" Daniel asked as you both walked out of your house.

"No, this noona." You pointed at yourself smiling while daniel's face dropped. "Seriously?"

"What? I know how to drive okay."

"Yeah and you know how to cause an accident too."

You glared at him. "Oh shut up."

You both got in your dad's car and buckled your seatbelt before glancing at him to see his eyes closed and clutching the seatbelt tightly.

"Seriously?" You scoffed giving him a look before letting out a sigh while turning on the engine and started driving but accidentally pressed the brake causing you both jerk forward.

"Sorry. Are you okay?"

"We're gonna rent a driver from tomorrow." Daniel said as he came out of shock still clutching his seat belt.

"Right." You nodded still shocked but then start the car again with a trembling heart and drove off.

You dropped Daniel off to his school where he told you to not cause an accident on your way.

You reached your college and stopped the car but then looked around to see if there is any other car for you not to crash on that since you were going to park your car.

Then you felt relieved as you saw your best friend coming towards you but then you glared at her as she started laughing.

"You drove?" She asked controlling her laugh and you rolled you eyes. "Shut up and help me park the car."

You got out of the car and she parked your car smoothly, unlike you crashing into others.

"How are you still bad at driving?" She asked you and got a glare in return as you both walked down the hallway.

"Ugh! that's because, i haven't been practicing." You both entered in your class.

"So you're gonna drive for whole a week?"

"No, after today dan's not gonna let me, so we're renting a driver." You told her and she burst out laughing.

You rolled your eyes. "Stop laughing!"

***

10:34 am

"Okay, 1 2 3!" Lay played his guitar, Jongdae and Baekhyun started huming some songs while Chanyeol, the boy's drumbeat echoed in the whole music room.

Sehun and Jongin were making their choreography while Minseok was seated on the chair, tapping his feet on the floor and Junmyeon was busy on his phone.

Kyungsoo entered the music room after his class and everyone stopped whatever they were doing.

"We were waiting for you since this birthday boy is treating us." Junmyeon smiled gesturing towards him and chanyeol made a background music by his drumbeat then everyone cheered for him.

"Right!" Jongdae highfived him and Chanyeol frowned. "It's seems like you were waiting for my birthday since the month has started."

"Well, it's not 100 percent wrong tho." Baekhyun grinned playfully.

"Junmyeon hyung treat us dinner." Sehun interuppted making the latter surprise.

"Why me? It's Chanyeol's birthday though!"

"Just buy it. He's treating us lunch."

Junmyeon groaned. "I'll buy you all dinner."

Everyone cheered so loudly that other students were peeking inside while passing by thinking if something happend but it was just a treat.

***

11:18 am

"What's going on?" You asked Ria as you saw some girls were whispering and sqealing before you both seated yourself in the cafeteria.

"You don't know? Today is Chanyeol Sunbae's birthday." She told you eyeing every girl and you nodded in understanding as why they had gift box and cards in their hands.

"But there are so many girls tho, how will they give it to him?" You asked her confusingly.

"They'll just put it in the music room where they spend most of their time." She munched her food and you nodded.

"What's happening?" Mark asked confusingly sitting across of you and Ria explained him.

"Are they that popular?" He asked her.

"Not that, very much." She smiled adoringly and you chuckled at her.

Then her phone buzzed and checking the caller ID, she quickly stood up while you looked at her confusingly. "What happend?"

"Uh, i have to go somewhere." She smiled nervously and excitedly making you worry somehow. "Is everything okay? Where are you going?"

"Yep! i'll tell you later, it's a surprise." She winked and stormed out of the cafeteria before giving back her tray.

"Is she okay?" Mark asked and you just shrugged before eating again.

TIME SKIP...

Ria was walking down the hallway happily, on her way to you after she did her surprise work but stopped when she stepped on something. Frowning, she moved away her foot and saw a card, she picked it up to see, it was a birthday card for Chanyeol.

"Oh? Someone must've dropped it." She muttered and looked around to see only some boys were going back and forth.

The music room was in the corner, so she decided to put it there since whoever's card is this, she must have put it there too.

As she reached there, she peeked inside first if there was anyone but sighed in relief as no one was inside. She opened the door slowly as she walked inside and gasped seeing bunch of cards and gift boxes on the table.

"Is Chanyeol Sunbae gonna read them all?" She mumbled looking at the cards in surprise.

"Ah the card." She put the card on the table in between other cards but then she heard the door opened and turned around.

A gasp escaped from her mouth as she saw Chanyeol standing there with his surprised face and his doe eyes staring at her. Ria just stood there stunned, she has always seen him from far while passing by but this is the first she's seeing him this close so, she didn't know what to do.

"Um what are you doing here?" Chanyeol asked her confusingly as he has never seen her here before.

"Uh i, actually.." she stammered, her heart was pounding as he stood infront of her.

Chanyeol looked at the table filled with cards and gifts, then he looked at her. "Oh you were leaving a card?"

Ria nodded slowly but then shook her head. "Uh but um it's not mine, i actually found it dropped so."

She exhaled nervously with her cheeks were flushed and Chanyeol's corner of lips turned up at her nervous state and her blushing face which he found cute.

"Okay." He nodded while smiling at her as he grabbed his phone from the other table beside the drum then went out sparing her last glance with a smile.

"What are you smiling about?" Yixing asked him as he aproached his friends but Chanyeol just shook his head and went out of the campus.

"What just happened?" Ria muttered looking towards the door after Chanyeol went out. She touched her burning cheeks and then inhale and exhale slowly making her speedy heart normal.

"No no, I have to tell Y/n about this." With that she dashed off from the music room to you.

You were outside in the garden by the campus, sitting on stairs looking up the cloudy sky and the weather is getting more colder after the rain yesterday.

You kept sniffling as you always do whenever it's cold before you pulled your jacket closer to you and then your phone buzzed while pulling it out you saw Ria's message.

Dragon- Y/n where are you?!!

You- garden.

Dragon- oks i'll be there!

You put your phone back in your jacket pocket and after five minutes you heard your name being called out loud as you looked at the direction of the voice to see Ria jogging to your direction.

"Y/n!" She was breathing heavly as she aproached you as you looked at her quizically before taking out your water bottle from your bag and gave it to her.

"Thanks!" She took it and sat beside you.

"What happened to you? Is this the surprise you were talking about?"

She shook her head after gulping down her water. "I saw Chanyeol Sunbae!"

You looked at her in surprise. "What? How?"

"In the music room."

You frowned. "Music room? What were you doing there?"

She faced you. "Actually someone dropped his birthday card, so i went in to put it there, but as soon as i put the card on the table, the door swung open and BHAM!" She shouted and your body jumped.

"There was standing our handsome Chanyeol sunbae looking good as always." She smiled cupping her cheeks and you shook your head.

"We had an eye contact like we see in kdramas and then he slowly aproached me just like we see in kdramas." She told in a dramatic way and you just gave her a look.

"And?" You asked getting impatient from her drama.

"And then he grabbed his phone and left." She said casually and you gave her a done face.

"That's it?" You scoffed. "I thought something big happened like how you were running."

"It is big! He was standing right infront of me! And his smile!" She squealed, her eyes twinkling.

You sighed and stood up. "I'm going to eat something!"

"Yah! How can you eat without me! Wait for me!" She jogged, catching up to you but you didn't let her as you ran quickly ahead of her while giggling.

***

2:49 pm

You smiled at rose as she played your favorite song, talk love by kwill from your favourite Kdrama Descendants of the sun. She winked at you since it's her favourite too and Song Joongki both of your favourite actor.

"Did you watched the last episode?" Rose asked and you nodded. "Yes! Ria and i watched it together yesterday."

"I'm so sad that the drama is finished." She pouted and you made a sad before she sighed. "Seriously, i really want to see Big Boss."

"Me too!"

"Who is big boss?" Baekhyun asked, standing beside you after giving the drink to the customer.

"Um, he is a soldier." You answered with serious face but Rose's snicker made you laugh and baekhyun was looking at you both innocently.

"She's joking!" Rose laughed. "He's an actor and his character name is Big Boss."

Baekhyun nodded and playfully glared at you as you gave him a guilty smile."You're really pulling my leg?"

"You did it too yesterday." You shrugged and then smiled looking away.

"Right." He grinned nodding. "By the way, did you change the bulb?"

"No, you changed it." You replied, looking at the bulb and he chuckled. "I mean, you're washroom's bulb."

"My washro-wait, how do you know?"

"I heard you shouting, i didn't know you can shout so well." He joked and you looked away getting embarrassed.

He chuckled. "It's cute."

"What's cute?" You asked confusingly.

"Daniel and your bickering, it's cute." He smiled and greeted a customer.

You nodded while smiling. "I don't know about cute but he does worry about me even though he doesn't show it but i know it."

"What about you and your brother?" You asked but looking at his blank expressions, you were wondered if you were prying too much but then you saw his smile.

"Of course it's good, we don't bicker like you both." he trailed off to look at you to see your eyes frowning at him and he chuckled. "I'm not saying yours is bad but we just don't really have fight-like relationship."

He sighed. "But i have been too busy these days to meet him."

"Then meet him when you get time. "You paused when he you saw his confused face and you chuckled looking away. "I mean even though they don't say it but your family do miss you and they don't tell you because they don't wanna bother you at your work however, you should meet them since you never know when you get the chance."

Baekhyun was staring at you intently, listening attentively and sensing his stare you looked up at him confusingly and met his intent gaze which caused your cheeks to heat up.

You looked away and gasped realizing. "I said too much, didn't i?"

He shook his head smiling. "No, you didn't."

"I really wasn't lecturing you, it's just.. nevermind." You shook your head and went to give the drink to customer at the table.

Baekhyun's corner of lips turned up watching you going as your words had an impact and he didn't know that he needed them until now.

"Since when were you so talkative y/n!" You muttered, slightly hitting your forehead and went back to the counter.

"Good afternoon rose!"

You heard a familiar voice and looked at the door to see Ria smiling at Rose and then coming towards the counter.

"What are you doing here?" You mouthed her and she just winked at you before ordering her drink and sat on one of the tables.

"Is she your friend?" Baekhyun asked you and you nodded while preparing her drink.

Of course, he doesn't know it since she only came here two times before Baekhyun started working here. First she wanted to see the cafe and second time she chit-chatted with rose.

You glanced at her to see her staring at baekhyun with smile.

"I'll give this to her." You took her drink and went to her before squinting your eyes at her while putting her drink on the table.

"You ungrateful brat." She glared at you and you frowned. "What? What did i do?"

"First, sit here." She pointed at the chair across of her.

"I'm working right now." You turned back to walk but she held your wrist.

"Rose! Can i talk to her for a minute please?" She pleaded and Rose nodded.

Ria looked at you. "Okay? Now sit."

"Tell me!" You sat down across of her and she opened her purse before pulling out something.

"Ta-da~." She smiled waving the tickets.

You frowned. "Movie tickets?"

She clicked her tongue. "No silly, these are for the basketball game, our seniors are having a game tomorrow."

She placed her elbow on the table and her chin on her palm as she stared at Baekhyun. "And Baekhyun sunbae is also gonna play."

"But I have heard, it's difficult to get tickets like it's always soldout so how did you got it?" You asked her.

"Wow! Y/n knows about ticketing!" She said in a sarcastic way and you rolled your eyes.

"Don't worry, I have my ways!" She smirked flipping her hair and then suddenly sat up straight.

Your eyebrows knitted. "What happened?"

"I think I locked eyes with Baekhyun sunbae." She whispered and you chuckled looking at her condition.

"Seriously girl! How can you even stand beside him? When I can't even make an eyecontact!" She puffed, taking a sip from her coffee and you shrugged. "Because I'm only focusing on my work besides, we don't even talk that much."

"Yeah right! He walked you home and I saw you two talking before I came inside," she sipped her drink before speaking. "yeah, you don't really talk."

You pursed your lips thinking that you two have been talking more lately and Ria saw you zoning out as she snapped her fingers infont of you.

You snapped out. "Uh, what?"

"What are spacing out for? Thinking about Baekhyun Sunbae?" She wiggled her eyebrows and you slapped her arm.

She laughed. "Okay joking aside, i'm still amazed you haven't told him that you both go to same college."

"What do you want me to say to him? That hi we're both from same college and you're my senior." You spoke in sarcastic tone which made her laugh.

"And he never mentions about his college so, i also don't ask him and it's our workplace so i'm just gonna focus on that." You nodded, satisfied by your words.

"You both took more than one minute." You both looked up, hearing the voice and saw Rose standing beside your table with her hands on her hips.

"Oh sorry! She just talks too much." You immediately stood up and Ria glared at you.

"Should I cut off your pay?" She joked, pinching your cheek.

"Cut off my pay instead." Ria interuppted standing up and you frowned. "But you don't work here."

"I can work here."

"When?" Rose asked.

"Someday." She grinned playfully, earning a chuckle from Rose while rolled your eyes. "Rose just ignore her."

"Yah! I'm helping you." Ria put her hands on her waist and You nodded lazily. "Sure."

Rose chuckled."Okay enough you two and get back to work!"

With that she went to the counter and ria sat down again as you looked at her quzzically. "Aren't you going home?"

"I'm not ungrateful like you," she looked at you and then at counter. "I'm gonna admire Baekhyun Bunbae a little more."

You shook you head before smacking her forehead. "Go home!"

***

7:23 pm

You were wiping the table by the window, after Ria and other customers left while Rose was in the kitchen washing the dishes with Baekhyun who was helping her putting the cups in the cup shelf.

After you were done, you attempted to take off your apron but heard a knock on the glass window before looking there to see your one and only brother waving at you.

"Hey potato." He said as he entered and you frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to get you." He replied, looking around the Café and then Baekhyun came out of the kitchen with rose.

"Hey Daniel!" Baekhyun smiled and daniel grinned back.

"You really came to get me?" You asked suprisingly.

He nodded. "Baekhyun hyung told me to."

You scoffed. "So you came here because he asked you to?"

He nodded and you rolled your eyes while Baekhyun chuckled watching you two bicker again.

"Who is he?" Rose asked.

"He's my brother Daniel and Dan, she's Rose, this Cafés owner." You introduced them.

"Hello." Daniel did a little bow and Rose just smiled. "Your brother is cute."

"From where?" You looked at her confusingly and got a glare from daniel as Rose chuckled. "What are you saying? He is cute and handsome right, Baekhyun?"

"Of course he is." He smiled and Daniel just waved it off getting embarrassed and you just shook your head not wanting to see this.

You went to the counter while taking off your apron as Baekhyun and Rose were doing the same since it was time to close the Café.

"Hyung, do you play games?" Daniel asked Baekhyun, who was picking up his bag nodded. "Yes and from seeing your expression, you also do right?"

Daniel nodded smiling. "Yes! Hyung let's play someday."

"Sure! Whenever you want." Baekhyun answered him smiling while wearing his jacket.

You were just watching them in a weird expression and seeing dlDaniel getting along well with Baekhyun was new as he rarely gets along with people whom he meets first time. You quickly wore your jacket and opened your hair before standing beside daniel.

"If you're done with your meeting, can we go now?" You cocked your head at daniel and he rolled his eyes.

Daniel and you walked out of the cafe, following baekhyun and rose. Then she turned to you. "Good night y/n, and Daniel you should come again sometimes."

He nodded. "Yes, I will."

"Of course, let's meet again and have a match." Baekhyun intruded.

"I would love to." Daniel beamed and you looked at him frowning.

Rose sighed. "Boys will be boys."

"I know right." You chuckled as you looked at Baekhyun. "And I didn't know you also play games."

He shrugged. "Anyway I have to go somewhere so, I'll take my leave then."

You all nodded and he went his way, before bidding goodbye while Rose also drove off in her car before you looked at Daniel. "Shall we go now, your highness?"

"What are you waiting for then?" He walked ahead and you rolled your eyes before catching up with him.

***

7:51 pm

Entering his shared home, Baekhyun dashed off in his room without sparing a glance to his friends and they all looked at him and then exchanged looks in confusion.

After 15 minutes, he came out of his room in changed clothes, his hair slighly wet and he went straight to the kitchen.

"Are you going somewhere?" Junmyeon asked him from the living room and Baekhyun nodded. "I'm visiting home."

"Is everything okay?" Minseok asked.

"Yeah, it's just been a while since i've seen them." Baekhyun made his way to the living room.

"You're right, they must be missing you." Kyungsoo spoke.

"But who changed your stubborn mind, huh?" Jongdae asked and Baekhyun looked at him blankly before a smile crept on his lips as you crossed his mind. "A cheerful person."

"So it's not what, but someone huh." Jongdae smirked at him after noticing his smile.

"Ooh, love is in the air~." Chanyeol sang and Baekhyun threw a pillow at him but he dodged it so, it hit kyungsoo's face which made everyone burst out laughing.

Kyungsoo grabbed the pillow and threw it towards laughing chanyeol and he fell off the couch making everyone laugh harder.

"I'm going then." Baekhyun made his way to the door still laughing.

***

Baekhyun was standing infront of his house with a heavy heart as he sighed deeply before opening the door and went inside.

As he entered, his eyes roamed around the house and spotted his mom in the living room with his brother and his wife.

He walked in the living room and his pet Mongryong jumped on him where he squat down to hug him and hearing some voices Baekhyun's mom turned around.

"Hyun-ah!" She exclaimed, hugging him tightly and he hugged back smiling at how much he missed her. He pulled away and did a fistbump with his brother and greeted his sister-in-law.

"Where is dad?" He asked.

"He went on a business trip." His brother answered and for a second Baekhyun felt relieved as he didn't wanted to face him yet after that day.

"How are you? Are you taking care of yourself?" His mom asked him as they sat on the couch.

"Of course I am, but mom you said you missed me but it doesn't look like that." Baekhyun joked, looking at her and she smacked his arm.

"You just came and started pulling my leg." She pulled his ear and he yelped.

"Mom! It hurts! Sorry!" He whined and she let go then they all laughed.

"Uncle!" Baekhyun's head turned towards the voice and saw his nephew and niece running up to him and hugged him.

The home turned into a chaos as Baekhyun started playing with the kids and then had dinner together while joking and laughing.

Baekhyun was so happy that he came today, it's been a while since he had a great time with his family and that was all because of your words which he was so thankful for. While thinking about you, a smile was spread on his face and his brother noticed it.

"Did something good happened?" He asked him as he sat beside him on the couch and Baekhyun snapped out. "Oh? Nothing."

He stood up and his brother gave him a confuse look. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go back, tomorrow is our match." He replied.

"Stay here a little longer." Mrs Byun requested.

"I would've stayed, if I didn't had a game tomorrow." He grabbed his jacket and wore it before walking to the door as his mom and brother walked him out.

"Okay then, take care and come again soon, hm?" His mom asked and he nodded before hugging her.

"Wish Chanyeol on behalf of me." She said.

"Oh you remembered?" Baekhyun asked, smiling and nodded before, waving them bye and drove off with a joyful feeling inside.

__________

@wooya1224

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Angel

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Johnny Seo (NCT)

Warnings: Language, some mentions of smut

Genre: Married AU; Family AU

Word Count: 2.1K

Summary: Y/N has a good life. She’s married to her high school sweetheart and she has two amazing kids. However, even she has days where this whole quarantine thing really starts to take its toll. 

A/N: Johnny said he’d be married with kids by now, so I made it happen fictitiously.

Angel

It was morning again, and I reluctantly opened my eyes to the familiar chime of my alarm. I released a groan, reaching over to silence my cellphone while ignoring the familiar sounds of footsteps in the hallways.

“Mommy!” My daughter’s screeching voice managed to somehow defy the barrier of my bedroom door, finding me through the drowsy haze that desperately wanted more sleep.

“Five more minutes,” I slurred, but my wish was never granted. Instead, I had my hopes dashed when my daughter and son abruptly slammed the bedroom door against its hinges, screaming at the top of their lungs as they threw themselves on top of me. The bedframe creaked from the additional weight, and my eyes shot open when my son crawled over my stomach, pressing down uncomfortably against my poor bladder. “Okay!” I grimaced, attempting to sit up straight. “I think we’ve had enough time to torture Mommy.”

My daughter was a mess of giggles, looking up at me with brown eyes that distinctly reminded me of Johnny. “Guess what?” she whispered as if protecting a secret of immense value.

“What?” I whispered in return.

“I made you a picture!” she squealed, reaching for my hand and using gravity to her advantage when she rolled off the mattress and landed in the floor. I winced at the pressure on my shoulder, complying with her demands by throwing my legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m coming.” I groaned, watching as she and her younger brother immediately took off in the direction of the living room.

It had become a tedious cycle at this point, waking up early in the morning to cook breakfast, only to spend most of the day figuring out creative ways to keep my children entertained. I sighed in exasperation, secretly cursing Johnny because he still had to work everyday at the office in spite of this enormously burdensome pandemic that forced the schools to close. Since I was an Elementary school teacher, I was also forced to stay at home everyday, which initially seemed advantageous because I wouldn’t need to inquire about a babysitter for our kids. However, the longer I spent locked inside the house all day, the more I was slowly starting to lose my mind and all sense of rationality.

My children were both young and energetic, demanding constant attention. 

They were also notorious mischief makers.

Thus, I paused at the entrance to the living room, ignoring my son and daughter as they clapped along with the characters on their TV show. Because there was nothing to celebrate in regards to the mess that was waiting for me in the form of the dreaded Crayola Massacre. Lines of blue, black, and yellow decorating my walls in long stripes. “Do you like it, Mommy?” my daughter asked, and I closed my eyes in response, exhaling around a sigh instead of the scream that fought for release.

Despite scrubbing at the walls for over three hours, there was still evidence of my daughter’s artwork in faded colors that had successfully smeared themselves together in decidedly very unattractive ways. However, the arrival of my husband signaled a reprieve from my work, and I was lucky enough to intercept Johnny’s entrance without our children noticing. He smiled at me like a knight in shining armor, shrugging off his jacket and grunting when I ran into his arms.

“Y/N, what are you-” I cut him off with a kiss, pressing my lips fiercely against his in the hopes of using Johnny to drown out the rest of this disastrous day. I was a needy mess for my husband, and I wordlessly led him into our bedroom while keeping our mouths seared together.

“Holy shit, I missed you,” I whined, and Johnny kissed me feverishly while I wrapped my arms around his neck in desperation, grinding myself against his thigh in the hopes of chasing an orgasm that I had been denied for weeks while remaining at home.

“Daddy!”

“No,” I whimpered pathetically when I felt Johnny start to pull away, clutching tightly to his shirt sleeves while he chuckled and gently reached behind him for the door.

“We’ll talk later,” he said with a wink, turning around to greet his son who jumped gleefully into his father’s arms.

Meanwhile, I was left feeling increasingly desperate, studying my husband’s ass with a groan. Why did he have to look so ridiculously good in the suits that he was required to wear to the office? It was a tragedy for my condition because I wanted nothing more than to drag Johnny onto our bed while I spread my legs wide open for him.

But the moment was tragically gone. My children had my husband’s attention, so I trudged despondently into the kitchen to prepare another half-assed attempt at a meal.

After dinner, I decided to clean up in the kitchen, hearing my husband attempt to handle our demanding children in the living room. They were playing some kind of made-up game that Johnny had likely encouraged, claiming that it was good for them to use their imaginations. Whatever it was, I could tell that it had taken quite the number on my husband when he entered the kitchen while panting, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Are you having fun?” I asked with a smirk.

Johnny glared playfully in my direction. “What are you talking about? I love it when they wrestle me to the floor.”

“They can be a handful,” I said with a shaky sigh, closing my eyes for a moment as I finished the dishes.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Johnny asked, leaning against my side as he wrapped one arm around my waist.

I decided not to hold anything back since the possibility of losing my last hold on rational sanity was dying each day. “I can’t fucking take it anymore,” I said, groaning as I pressed myself even closer to his chest. “I love them so much, but I need time to myself, and I can’t even cook lunch without someone glued to my legs!”

Johnny chuckled, but he held me close as he planted a kiss on top of my head. “Y/N, you shouldn’t let yourself get this bad.”

“I’m their mother,” I said. “I should be able to handle anything.”

“Everyone needs some time away,” Johnny said, soothing his hand across my back in a much-needed gesture of comfort. “Hey, why don’t we go out tomorrow?”

I sniffled, looking up at him through blurry eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we can call Mark or something to come watch the kids while we go out for a drive. Grab takeout and park the car on the river.”

I snorted around a laugh. “Mark is basically a kid himself.”

“He can handle them for a few hours,” Johnny said, pulling away to press a gentle kiss to my lips. “What do you say?”

I managed a nod before allowing Johnny to engulf me in his strong embrace, blocking out the rest of the world for several long, glorious minutes.

Mark Lee was, in a sense, mostly reliable when it came to babysitting. The main problem was that he still possessed a childlike mentality himself, and I would worry constantly about my kids while they were left to his care. But Mark was the only one available at this hour, and he promised me a thousand times that he would actually obey the list I gave him. Including a detailed outline of all the foods that my kids couldn’t have after 8:00 PM.

“You two have fun,” Mark said with a knowing wink, and I rolled my eyes at him.

“We’ll be back before 10:00,” I said, grabbing Johnny’s hand as the two of us left Mark standing on the front porch, walking to Johnny’s car in relative silence.

However, as soon as I was situated in the front seat, I turned to look at Johnny as he messed with the ignition. “Well?” I asked him. “What do you want to do?”

Johnny laughed, easing the car onto the road as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Remember what we used to do in college?”

“You mean, drive somewhere isolated with our cheap takeout?”

Johnny nodded. “What do you think?”

“I think that’s the best idea you’ve had in a long time,” I said, instantly onboard with such a seemingly innocuous suggestion, but it was the most thrilling plan I had been apart of in months.  

It made me miss our college days, when our only responsibilities included turning in essays ten minutes before their due date while trying to balance the tricky combination of a social life and attaining a useful education. Johnny and I met during his Senior year of college at a frat party, and it seemed like our future together was solidified when he took me out on his drunken version of a first date in the parking lot behind Burger King. Regardless of how ridiculous it seemed in the present, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything else in the entire world.

“I feel you thinking hard, babe,” Johnny remarked as we pulled into the parking lot of our favorite diner. 

“It’s nothing,” I reassured him, watching as Johnny dialed the diner’s phone number to place a takeout order, and we talked for twenty minutes about how much of an asshole Johnny’s boss acted during quarantine.

It was raining when our order was finally ready, and I laughed when Johnny ran out of the car, holding one of our backseat towels over his head. It was a hilarious sight, and my smile was almost painfully wide when he returned with our bag, dripping from head to toe. “I hope the food isn’t ruined,” Johnny said, giving no further thought to his disheveled state.

Nevertheless, Johnny drove us to the abandoned parking lot at the beach downtown, overlooking the ocean at night as it reflected the full moon in all its glory. Meanwhile, I bit down into my hamburger, relishing the delicious taste, and moving my head in time to the music playing over the radio. “I heard someone tried to repaint the wall yesterday,” Johnny remarked.

“Oh, right,” I scoffed. “I was cleaning for hours.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Johnny said, handing me one of his french fries over the center console as an act of appeasement. “I feel bad. I should’ve known that the kids would drive you crazy.”

“I love them,” I pouted. “But they have too much energy.”

“Why don’t we all take a drive this weekend?” Johnny suggested. “I know we can’t do much, but the fresh air might be nice.”

I nodded eagerly while tossing the rest of my trash into our takeout bag. “The kids will love it.”

Johnny nodded, reaching for my hand which he held with a gentle touch. “You deserve something better than takeout in the car.”

I shook my head, leaning in closer to brush a kiss across his lips. “This is nice, Johnny. I can’t be that picky when the entire country is going to shit.”

“Really?” Johnny asked, reaching out to hold my head in place as he deepened the kiss. “Isn’t there something else that you want?”

My eyes widened at his implications, especially considering the frantic way he was kissing me as his hands smoothed across my thighs. “Are you serious?”

“What? You don’t think I can still do this?” Johnny asked breathlessly, kissing me with growing desperation.

“Are you seriously suggesting that we fuck in your car?”

“Why not?” he asked, pulling back with swollen lips and lust-filled eyes.

“Well, if you say it like that...” I trailed off, laughing when Johnny reached for me across the console, dragging me onto his lap with a series of clumsy movements.

“This isn’t romantic lovemaking,” Johnny said, ripping down the sleeves of my dress. “But I think we both need a quick fuck.”

I gasped at his crude language. “You haven’t talked to me like that in months!”

Johnny chuckled. “There’s been a few distractions.”

“But I really missed this,” I said, licking into his mouth while my hands grabbed fistfuls of his dark brown hair.

“I promise that I’ll make more time for us,” Johnny said, thumbing across the inviting swell of my breasts. “I love you so much.”

“Mhmm,” I hummed in agreement, reaching down for the zipper on his pants. “Will you show me how much you love me?”

Johnny smirked against my lips, reaching down to recline the seat further back, and his hands gathered the hem of my dress as he proceeded to make-up for weeks of neglected opportunities...

[pink-imagines]

the necklace

chapter 2: denial

request: could you write something about hawks having to leave the reader because his work was putting them in danger. i’m in the mood for angst, i’m sorry!! 😣

a/n: baby bird??? yes i have listened to yagami yato- sorry for the late update btw !!!

warning: happy memories, sad truth kind of thing

masterlist

requesting rules

chapter 1

Your eyes lingered on the golden necklace that hung so beautifully around your neck. Even though it was a full body mirror you didn’t look anywhere else but to the tiny wings. It stood out, but that was probably because your cleaning day had took a toll on you. With a hand over the necklace, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, thinking about the first time you had seen it hanging around his neck. For so long you had forced yourself to forget about him, but that’d be impossible. Instead you needed to accept the fact that he was in your life, and it was wonderful, but that it was now over. 

You lifted the wings closer to your eyes so that you could study the small details. It almost seemed like it was yesterday that you were waiting for him to knock on your window to take you for a quick fly around the city... he used to do that when he was on shorter missions, and he’d surprise you as soon as he got home for the day. On longer missions he was always worn out when he came home, that’s why he used the door instead of the window- so that he could take the elevator up instead of flying. Whenever you’d get home together though, when he wasn’t too tired, he’d race you up the stairs. Him being a hero and all, he always ended up winning since he had way better stamina than you. If he got home first and you got home a bit later, maybe because you were going grocery shopping, he’d always meet you by the entrance and help you carry anything you had with you.  It was as if you could still hear him greet you at the entrance of the apartment complex...

“Y/N!”, he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He engulfed you in a tight hug, his wings shielding you from the rest of the world - making you feel safe. The smell of his newly washed clothes, probably just taken from his closet, and his cologne was such a wonderful mix. Your hands wrapped themselves securely around his middle and Keigo ducked his head down to your shoulder, slightly bending his knees to do so. His wet hair slightly tickled the side of your neck, signaling that he had just taken a shower. “Nothing I can carry for you today?”, he muttered. “Nope, I come empty-handed.”, you joked and let out a quiet giggle. He grabbed the back of your thighs, whispering out a quick “jump” in your ear. His slighty raspy voice never failed to send a shiver down your spine. When you did as he said, holding your hands on his shoulders, he hoisted you up and let you wrap your legs around his waist. “Then I’ll carry you instead.”, he grinned and pecked your lips, “Now, tell me about your day, sweetheart.” He’d always ask about your day, how you were feeling, because he couldn’t talk about those things himself as his job wouldn’t allow him - in case you were to hear something you shouldn’t have. Keigo carried you through the apartment entrance, humming in agreement at your statements and chuckling at your jokes. 

You sighed and let go of the tiny golden wings, letting it hang on your chest once again. After tucking it into your shirt, as to not see it all the time, you walked out to the kitchen to get yourself a drink. You turned on your coffee machine and watched as the coffee poured into the cup. Keigo would always insist on making coffee himself, it’s only after he left that you bought a machine as you were too lazy to make it yourself. You had also destroyed the coffee presser that he used by accidentally dropping it on the ground. The machine let out a beep, bringing you out of your thoughts and you grabbed your now coffee-filled mug.

When you leaned against the kitchen counter you got a notification from your phone. Your storage was full, which meant you had to delete some stuff. You hadn’t actually gone through your camera roll since that day, since it contained too many pictures of him that a part of you didn’t want to let go of.  You ended up deleting a few apps, deciding that the camera roll would be a bit too much for today. If he were here he’d probably laugh and tease you about it. He did that a lot... no, he used to do that a lot. It was always in a loving manner, though, and he’d usually help you with the task you couldn’t handle after teasing you. He was never a rude person to you, maybe he was a bit annoying and he could definitely seem arrogant but that was a facade. He was kind and caring, he really was. Of course he proved it with his actions more than his words sometimes, but that didn’t matter. He always made sure you knew that he loved you in his own special way.

You had a rough day to say the least. Your alarm wouldn’t work, you got late to work, a heavy work load was put on you by your incompetent colleauge, you missed the train home so you had to take a later one, and Keigo wasn’t home when you finally got to the apartment. All you wanted to do was snuggle up close on his chest, listen to his heartbeat, as you could slowly drift off into sleep. Instead all you could do was crawl up on your bed and lay there. The sheets felt so much colder without him to hold you.  Without dinner, without changing, and taking off your make up, you fell asleep - too tired to do anything at all. When Keigo got home he flew right to the window where the tiny living room was, expecting you to sit by the dinner table and eat. It was only 8 pm afterall and you usually ate pretty late. To his surprise you weren’t there, nevertheless he still opened the window and stepped inside. Maybe you were eating in the kitchen tonight, so after taking off his shoes he made his way there. When you weren’t in the kitchen either he started to get a bit worried, but he didn’t let it get to his head - you were probably in the bathroom or maybe changing in the bedroom. His first bet was the bathroom, you loved to take a long warm shower after work so it would make sense if you were in there, so he made his way there. “Y/N? Sweetheart are you in there?”, he asked softly. He didn’t hear the water running from the shower but maybe you were doing your skincare. When he didn’t hear a response he carefully checked if the door was locked, he didn’t want to disturb you if your were actually in there... but you weren’t. The door opened and he looked inside a dark empty bathroom, it was untouched from the last time he was in here which was earlier this morning. If he remembered correctly you should’ve come home an hour ago, and the fact that you were a nightowl made him a bit skeptical over if you really were in the bedroom. But there was no other place to check, so that’s where he went. When he saw your small figure laying in the middle of the big bed he felt warmth spread through his chest. You looked so small and cuddly as you snored away quietly. The warmth he felt quickly changed to a feeling of worry as he saw that you were still in jeans. No matter how tired you were, you would never even think about sleeping in jeans. He walked over to the bed and gently shook you awake. “Wake up, honey.”, he said softly. You groggily opened your eyes and looked up at him, a tired smile gracing your lips. You motioned for him to lay down but he only shook his head. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? You haven’t even taken off your make up, Y/N...”, he sighed. “I was tired.”, you said shortly, clearly not wanting to talk about it. “Have you eaten?”, he asked and when you shook your head no he breathed in sharply, “C’mon, sweetie.” He lifted you up and helped you out of bed before carefully getting you to your feet.  “You slept with socks on?”, he asked with a teasing smile, “You must’ve been really tired then...” He didn’t wait for an answer, he simply brought you to the bathroom where he took out the make up wipes. As usual when he did this for you he excused himself for not being that good at it, even though he had done it hundreds of times already. Keigo gently wiped off the make up off of your face and you melted under his touch. When the products on your skin were gone he threw away the tissue and tugged at your clothes. You looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and bewildered eyes. Before you could say anything he put his finger to your lips. “I’m trying to make you take a shower, don’t get ahead of yourself.”, he chuckled and then muttered out, “Jeez, you’re so dirty-minded...”, before helping you take off your clothes. When you got in the shower you heard him leave the room and close the door behind him. You let out a content sigh as the hot water hit your skin, finally feeling at peace. Once you got out of the shower you walked to the kitchen, following the lovely sent. A meal was prepared for you on the table. “I’ll go take a shower, make sure you eat up. I ate at work so you don’t have to save anything for me.”, he kissed your forehead softly and then walked out. Keigo never cooked, he usually just ordered you food. The fact that he had made food for you, even if it was just a simple dish, warmed your heart and you happily sat down to eat. 

You cleaned up the dishes, putting whatever leftovers there were in the fridge. Back in your bedroom Keigo was putting on his grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. In admiration, you leaned your shoulder against the doorframe and watched as he pulled the big shirt over his head. “Are you just gonna keep staring at me?”, he asked, still not turning around. You chuckled and walked over to his dresser to steal one of his hoodies. Usually he’d have something to say about this, but tonight he simply looked at you with a slight smile. “I need to get some paperwork done, so don’t wait up for me baby bird.”, he was about to walk out the door when your arms wrapped around him from behind. “Could you maybe stay with me until I fall asleep?”, you mumble. He turned around and looked at you, his very big hoodie hiding most of your body. With a small nod and a smile the two of you walked over to the bed.

You smile at the memory... he had ended up falling asleep before you, completely tired out from work. Somehow he had still taken care of you that night out of pure love for you. You felt your heart sink when you realized that you couldn’t ever feel that again Instead of worrying too much about it you picked up the necklace again. He used to fiddle with it a lot, when he was anxious or bored out of his mind. When he was bored he’d always be asking for your attention, almost making it a game of how fast he could get you to pay attention to him. When you wouldn’t he’d always find the first reason he could find to be jealous about. He knew you didn’t like it when he was acting jealous and even if you were scolding him you were still paying attention to him so it didn’t matter. 

“Baby.”, he said, trying to get your attention away from your phone. “Just a second...”, you said, typing out your text to your friend about plans you were making for the weekend. “But I want attention now...”, he pouted at you and you only hummed in response. He sighed and walked around to the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. Your friend had just sent a picture of the guy she was dating standing in front of the place you were planning on getting lunch together at. You chuckled at the awkward pose he was pulling, knowing full well that your friend had probably forced him to take the picture. Keigo reached forward and clicked on your phone’s off button. “Hey!”, you snapped your head back at him, only now realizing that he was actually beind you. “Pay attention to me, sweetheart.”, he whispered. “I was just trying to text my friend, Keigo.”, you sighed and got his hands off of you so that you could move away from him. “So who was that guy then? Last time I checked Ami doesn’t look like a six-foot-something, broad shouldered, dude.”, he huffed. “Babe, it’s her boyfriend.”, you sighed again and watched as his wings puffed up ever so slightly, “Are you jealous?” “No...”, he turned away from you. “Keigo...”, you whined, “C’mon, baby, just because I don’t pay attention to you every second doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” He hummed in response, giving you the same treatment that you gave him just a few seconds ago, and wouldn’t even look at you. “Keigo.”, you said his name again, “Keigo, please.” As soon as he heard you put down your phone on the bedside table he turned around, pinning you against the mattress. He laid his head on top of your chest, his entire bodyweight making it impossible for you to move. “Tricked you.”, he grinned, “Now, let’s cuddle please.”

Just thinking about it made you roll your eyes but you quickly got rid of your smile as you realized that your mind was drifting. You looked around the apartment and thought that it was probably time to get some rest. After all, you had been cleaning all day and you could take care of the rest tomorrow. The golden wings were still hanging around your neck as you fell asleep that night.

-

the necklace taglist: @jqnposts | @vinumumbra | @dawnshuntress | @hawksexual | @itskindofafairything | @inkedfandom | @richkookie | @moosicblr |

[the-cult-of-russo]

Push and Pull (Part 12)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OC

Warnings: cursing, mentions of human trafficking

----------

The next morning Daphne was woken by a knock at her door. She let out a groan as she rolled out of bed. Her hair was down and every which way and she was in some pyjama shorts and the t-shirt she kind of stole from Matt. It was soft and cozy and she deemed it great to sleep in. She squinted at the clock, seeing it was 8 am before she swung the door open. Foggy stood there, coffees in one hand and a bag of something in the other. He flashed her a sheepish grin as he took in her very sleepy state.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he said apologetically.

"It's 9 in the morning, Foggy. What did you think I'd be doing?" She asked incredulously. 

"I kinda forgot you have your own work hours," one toothy grin later and the pair were sitting in her living area in their usual spots. She was alternating between sipping her mocha that he'd gotten her and nibbling on the croissant. She couldn't stay mad when he'd brought two of her favourite things to her.

"Any reason you're here?" She asked after a moment of weird silence. He glanced at her and shrugged.

"I can’t come visit one of my friends after a while?" It was a valid answer but his weird tense voice alerted her to his lie. She squinted at him and he squirmed under her gaze. It didn't take long before he cracked and she idly hoped he fared better when he was in court.

"Matt said I should check on you. And for the record I have missed you and wanted to come by anyway," he blurted out. She felt herself straighten up a little and clenched her hand around the coffee tighter.

"He told you?" She asked with a deathly cold tone. 

He frowned and looked at her like she'd sprouted another head.

"I don't know what you think he told me, but I told him I missed seeing you and he suggested I should come and check in. Should he have told me something?" He asked, looking worried. She shook her head rapidly and downed the rest of her coffee. It was still a little hot but the burn distracted her from her thoughts.

"Did something happen?" He prompted softly. She wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave her alone. She would have if it was Matt. But this was Foggy and she couldn't even be a bitch to him if she tried. She blew out a breath and forced her muscles to relax. It did make her feel better that he genuinely seemed to not know what she was talking about and Matt hadn't just gone around talking about her behind her back. She'd rather talk to Foggy about it herself. 

"I went to see him yesterday and he helped teach me some moves. In case I got attacked again. It went surprisingly well and I learnt some stuff. But then…" she trailed off with a sigh, tossing the coffee cup into the trash can near the sofa. 

"What happened?" He asked carefully. 

"I freaked out. He was teaching me how to get out of some holds. But then his hands were around my throat and I couldn't breathe," she started reluctantly. 

"He choked you?!" He yelled. She blinked in surprise by his outburst before shaking her head vigorously. 

"No! That's the thing. He didn't even apply pressure and suddenly I'm back with Keiran being strangled. It was ridiculous, Foggy. I knew Matt wouldn't hurt me and I just flipped out," she lamented, tucking her knees up and wrapping her arms around them.

Foggy was quiet for a moment before leaning forward a little in his chair. When she looked at him all she saw was concern and understanding. 

"You went through something traumatic, Daphne. You need time to process it, there's nothing ridiculous about how you reacted," he soothed. She scoffed and shook her head.

"I hate that it's still bothering me. I hate that I'm not over it yet. I thought I was stronger than this," she huffed.

"It's not about strength. If that's the way you wanna look at it then focus on the fact you got away. You went through an ordeal. Yet you got the upper hand and survived. You got out of there and because of you, that lunatic will get what he deserves. The mental stuff… that'll go away in time. It won't be forever," he murmured. She blinked at him for a moment before a small smile graced her face.

"You're a good friend, Foggy," she said sincerely. He beamed a smile at her and pretended to dust his shoulders.

"I know, it kind of my thing," he smirked.

"Mhm. Daredevil's sidekick," she teased. He looked thoroughly offended and it made her laugh. 

"I am not the sidekick. That's what I want you to believe. Really I'm the mastermind behind the whole thing," he snorted. She smiled ruefully with a shake of her head.

"So…" he started again.

"I don't wanna talk about my feelings if that's where this is going," she interjected. She’d had enough of that for now.

"It's not. I was just wondering if you lashed out at Matt after all that. It would explain why he's been moping this morning," he quirked a brow at her and she tried to look innocent. He just blinked at her and this time it was her turn to cave.

"Fine. I was a grade A bitch to him and I do actually regret it. But I doubt that's why he's moping because he really doesn't like me anyway," she put her hands up in mock surrender. Foggy gave her a look and crossed one leg over the other.

"He doesn't like you? Even though he's saved your life, cooked you food and helped with training even if it did end badly?" He asked sceptically.

"Hey dude, he's your friend not mine. He's weird," she smirked at him. 

"You're both insufferable," he groaned before standing. She didn't move from her comfy place on the couch and he shook his head like he was disappointed with her.

"You're not even going to see me out? Where have your manners gone?" He asked with mock hurt.

"I never had any," she grinned. He chuckled, leaning down to her spot to give her a quick hug before walking to the door.

"I'm tired of asking you both this, but maybe be a little nicer next time you see him. You're so similar and you'd actually get along if you tried," he chided, opening the door. 

"Yes, dad," she saluted with a raised brow. With one last laugh and shake of his head, he was gone. 

She was glad he'd come by. She'd gotten used to his visits and how easy it was to talk to him. She meant it when she said he was a good friend and she had no idea how he put up with Matt all the time. She spent the rest of her day in her pyjamas, watching Netflix and looking at her emails. She had a few potential clients and she found herself hesitant after the whole ordeal with Mr Lee. But she tried to tell herself that was different. It had turned into more than she expected but she'd done plenty of cases in her years as a PI and something like that hadn't happened. It wouldn't happen again. 

Soon enough it was dark outside and she was considering going to bed. She was thinking of seeing Brett in the morning and seeing if anything was going on with the Italians and their upcoming meet. She just wanted to do something to keep her occupied. As she was closing her laptop, a knock sounded at her door. Her first thought was Foggy. Maybe he'd come to scold her some more for her attitude with Matt, even if it was 11 pm. But she looked through the peephole anyway as she got to the door. It wasn't Foggy. Instead there was an old lady she didn't think she recognised.

Opening the door, she looked at the woman warily. 

"Ms Weaver? Private investigator?" She asked with a worried look. She instantly felt on guard. She never gave out her address. Clients would contact her via emails or phone and she would go to their house. The fact this woman knew where she lived and who she was made her suspicious.

"Who's asking?" She bit out. The woman sniffled, glancing up at her. 

"Detective Mahoney sent me. My… my grandson's missing, please will you help me?" she pleaded. Brett's name put her at ease although she was confused why he'd be involving her. It wasn't like she didn't take missing cases before but it was rare and usually the parents or carers would seek her out on their own, not be sent by the police. Most of the time they were teens out partying, looking for a way to rebel and piss off their parents. 

"Please, Ms Weaver. He's only 11. He's been missing for 3 weeks and the police… they can't find him. It's like he's a ghost," she broke down crying. She felt a pang of guilt in her chest watching the woman so heartbroken but her words smacked her in the face. A ghost. When it came to a missing person, that never meant anything good. It usually meant trafficking and usually there was little chance of finding the person. It made her feel sick. 

"Come in," she murmured, opening the door wider to let her in. The woman looked grateful, wiping her eyes as she stepped inside. After Daphne shut the door, she padded over to her couch, gesturing for the woman to sit in the armchair usually reserved for Foggy. She walked over and sat down hesitantly, clutching her bag on her lap.

"Brett told me to give you these. It's his case file, all the reports and any leads they had," she murmured as she rummaged in her large purse and pulled out a file. Daphne took it, opening it and briefly flicking through it before closing it again. 

"And don't worry about payment, whatever you need, I can try to get it," she insisted. Daphne pursed her lips before shaking her head.

"No," she frowned. The woman looked panicked, as if thinking she was turning down the case and shook her head desperately.

"I mean I don't want money. I'll take the case but I don't need payment," she clarified softly. The old woman looked relieved and Daphne had a feeling she would have struggled to give her anything. She wasn't about to take a penny off this woman. Especially when she wasn't sure if she could really help her. 

"I need to be transparent. I'll take the case but I can't promise I'll be able to find him. I'll try my best but… I don't want you to get your hopes up," she sighed. She didn't want to hurt the woman anymore than she was clearly hurting, but it would only hurt more if she wasn’t up front about it. The woman nodded, hand over her mouth as she gave her a watery smile. 

"Your best is all I can ask for," she said sincerely. 

"I'll look it over, see what I can do and I'll talk to Brett too," Daphne smiled softly. 

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. That boy is my life," she murmured. 

Daphne stood, the woman following suit as she walked her to the door. After more tearful thank yous that Daphne felt like she hadn't earned, she was once again alone. Deciding to abandon sleep, she stayed up all night with coffee as her only companion. There wasn't much to the file really, and that had been where police were struggling. There were the basic details about the boy, James Johnson, and the account of when his grandmother last saw him. He’d gone out on his bike to the park near his grandma's apartment complex where he lived with her and just never came back. Gone in the wind with no reason or no sightings from anyone else. 

By the time 9 am rolled around, she’d scoured the internet for anything, any sightings, any news, but nothing. There weren't even any media covering his disappearance which was strange to her. She showered and got dressed, her patent boots and jeans along with a dark grey t-shirt and black zip up hoodie. She pushed her unruly hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head, case file stuffed in her backpack and her camera around her neck. 

She made her way to the park where the boy last went. She wasn't even 100% if he even made it there but it was a start. It was quiet in the park, no kids there this early and cold. She looked at it through her camera lense, snapping some pictures for later, but nothing was standing out to her. With her camera still poised, she turned around and through her lens she saw something that made her tense. The Yellow Lily. It was the same Chinese restaurant the Italians and Chinese would be meeting in. Meaning the Chinese mob were somehow linked to this specific place. She remembered how not that long ago the Chinese were trafficking people, using them to incubate their drugs. She felt dread settle deep in her bones and she took off running. 

She was breathless by the time she reached the station but she didn't know if Brett had made the connection. He would have found out about the meet after the boy was missing and it wouldn't have been fresh in his mind. But she knew this was more than a coincidence and if she was right, the boy needed to found ASAP and he probably wasn't even far. She burst into the station like a bat out of hell. She wasn't expecting to see Ms Johnson, especially talking to Matt, Foggy and Brett. Matt was already glancing in her direction, no doubt sensing her a mile away. She didn't have time to think about their last encounter. 

"Oh, Ms Weaver! I was just telling these nice gentlemen about you helping me with my boy. Free of charge too," she smiled warmly at her. Daphne's chest was heaving as she tried to calm herself down a little. 

"Do you have news?" The older woman answered hopefully.

"Uh… no. I just need to steal Detective Mahoney real quick," she gave her a fake smile trying to act like everything was okay. She didn't want to worry her. 

"Jesus, Daph. Did you sleep at all?" Foggy chimed in. She'd almost forgotten he and Matt were there. She glanced at him and shook her head. With a desperate look to Brett, he seemed to sense it was urgent and ushered her into one of the interrogation rooms.

"What is it?" He asked warily. He sat down but she was pacing like crazy. The coffee she'd been drinking all night hadn't helped her jitteriness. 

"I think the Chinese took him," she lamented, she couldn't hide the concern in her voice if she tried. Brett frowned with a groan, wiping a hand over his face.

"Shit. You sure?" He sighed. If she was right, things just got way messier.

"Not 100%. But the park he was last at, it's right across the street from the Yellow Lily restaurant.  And who's meeting there later this week? The Italians and the Chinese," she said with a shake of her head. 

"This is… fuck, this is bad," Brett muttered. She agreed with him. 

"Look, I'll talk to my guys, put some feelers out and see if we can get more info before we go in guns blazing," he explained. 

"Don't tell her... Ms Johnson. Don't tell her yet," she implored. He gave her a nod, they both knew this was bad and there was no need to worry her more. Not until they knew for sure what was happening.

"See, this shit is why I sent her to you in the first place," he gave her a weak smile as he stood, clapping her on the back. She almost rolled her eyes. She hadn't done anything special but she supposed fresh eyes and the new news of the meet had helped. 

When they walked out of the room and back near the desk, Ms Johnson was gone and Matt and Foggy were talking to the person at the desk. She made a beeline for them.

"I need to talk to you," she said firmly, aiming it at Matt but not caring if Foggy followed or not since he knew about Daredevil anyway. Matt glanced her way with a tense nod, holding her arm much like he did with Foggy as they made their way out front. Foggy stayed put where he seemed to be talking about a case with the cop on the desk. Once out in the sun, she ushered them over out the way to the side.

"The Chinese?" Matt asked with a frown. She was glad his radar ears picked it up so she didn't have to go over it again.

"Might be. My gut says it is. When you're out doing your thing, could you ask around? See if anyone’s heard or seen anything? Or if they know anything about the Chinese and their trafficking operations?" she looked at him imploringly but it wasn't like she'd need to beg. He nodded resolutely.

"I'll see what I can find out. Someone's gotta know something," he affirmed. She breathed a sigh of relief. Between her, the cops and Daredevil, they had to find something at some point. Even something small that could lead to something bigger. 

"Thanks," she breathed, worrying her lower lip with her teeth.

"We'll find him, alright?" He asked, trying to be reassuring. A bitter scoff left her lips though as she looked off at nothing.

"What? You don't think we will?" He probed.

"I hope we will. But trafficking… Do you know how many trafficking cases I've managed to crack? None. Because they covered their tracks too well. And the Chinese, they're fucking pros at this. So I want to find him, Matt, I really fucking do. But I can't give myself false hope and assure myself that we will," she said angrily. Matt's jaw ticked a little before he looked away from her with a nod. There wasn't much else to say. She'd just have to wait and see if he or the cops turned up any leads and she knew it would chip at her sanity. 

"Ms Johnson thinks you're an angel. Wouldn't shut up about how nice you are. Almost told her she must have been talking to an imposter," he mused, trying to lighten the mood. She gave him the side eye and her lips quirked up slightly.

"I'm a lovely person, just ask Foggy. It's just you that's the problem," she retorted. He smiled ruefully as he glanced down at nothing. 

"Well Foggy seems to think we're basically the same person, so that means the problem is actually you," he smirked. She snorted, half a mind to shove him down the steps and see if he'd actually keep his act up and fall or if he'd ninja his way out of it. She did appreciate him making her smile though. Maybe it was time she swallowed some of her pride.

"I uh… I'm sorry. About the whole… thing that happened the other day. I was angry at myself and embarrassed and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Don't get me wrong, you're an asshole and most of the time I mean to be a bitch. But you were just helping me and it was uncalled for. I also appreciate you not telling Foggy what happened," she murmured softly. She couldn't look at him though. It felt uncomfortable and she wasn't used to apologising much. He seemed genuinely shocked she even said it before he smiled softly.

"It's alright," he replied. Now that awkward silence was back where they didn’t know what to say. She hated when this happened. 

"I'm gonna head off. Let me know if you find anything?" She asked as she took a step back.

"Will do," he nodded.

"Oh and let Foggy know that if he wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn again, I'll murder him," she shot a toothy grin his way and he chuckled with a nod. She hopped down the steps trying to ease her mind of the worry for the young boy. There wasn't a damn thing she could do but wait now. Waiting was always the worst part. 

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Thursday 30 July 1835

6 5

11 ¼

No kiss. very fine morning F66° in my study and Celsius 19° at 7 am - wrote all but the 1st 5 lines of yesterday till 7 ¼ - wrote copy of letter for A- to Mr Grey - and then went out till breakfast at 9 in ½ hour - then till 10 had Joseph Mann about getting water to the Stump X Inn  - at Wellroyde before breakfast and Tilley holm bridge and had Mawson there giving him orders about bits of wearing and the bit of proposed new cut - on 1st going out gave Charles H- a talking about the stable and made up my mind to set Mr Husband to look after him - told CH. he had perhaps been long enough about the place - people did not do so well when they had been too long - he is a sadly slow idle, dilatory, tho’ clever headed workman for jobs - the moment I leave home nothing goes on as it should do - Had Mr Harper at 10 - walked with him and his clerk to Mytholm mill examined up wheel and run coal of water and water  in the dam, and then walked down to the end of the tail-goit in the Macauley’s field near Dumb mill - much talk about the wheel Mr Harper thinks there would not be water for a 30ft diameter wheel more than 8 months in the year - better to have a 20ft diameter wheel - 3ft. wide at bottom and 3ft. to the centre of the arch in height [enough] for the tail-goit - Mr. Harper from calculating James Howarths’ measurements of the water passing thro’ the 2 guages, that 7 1/2in. deep and 2ft. broad for one 12 hours and half that quantity for the 12 hours (flowing thro’ 3ft. in length per second) would average 8in. thro’ out the 24 hours - this would be wanted for a 20ft. diameter wheel which might have perhaps 15 horse power - the wheel at Mytholm is of this diameter and 5ft. 6in. broad, but tho’ said to be of 15 horse power they can never put more than 10 horse power on it - cannot work of the dam to within 2ft. of water - Mr. Harper said it would be better to lower the wheel-sill so as to let the water fall on the wheel a foot lower and then losing very little power they would be enabled to work the water lower and longer - George R- said (his engineer told us) that if they could get 6in. more water at the top they could work the wheel an hour longer - now the surface of the dam = 2 roods. 20 perches = 3025 yards .:. 3025/2 =1512 ½ cubic ft. of water required to work the wheel one hour - Mr. Harper mentioned a steam engine - I said it would be too great a nuisance but if he could consume the smoke and sublime it into ivory-black I should be satisfied to have it - told him to consider of this - the ivory black works near the great colliery (that open from the day) near St. Etienne had given me the idea - not settled with Booth about the Lodge - should I object to bring a joiner in from York to settle at H-X and to be a timber merchant - no! I should not object but Greenwood being a timber merchant, thought the joiner in question had better keep clear of timber except for his own use - had better make friends with Greenwood who has not a good life - then had Holt while Mr. Harper had Booth - Holt thinks now that the Spiggs loose is very valuable - it will loose 150 acres upper and ditto lower bed i.e. 300 acres which at whatever bought say £50 or £60 per acre should pay me ½ for the Loose - cannot loose more because there is a throw down in Blake-hill - the 2 endings are 80 yards each sort of crossing the road and loosing Samuel Holdsworth’s coal - it would take their men 6 months to drive if they worked night and day, so that I am sure to stop them - then sent Holt to Mr Harper - then A- off on her pony at 3 and I saw Mr Harper again - he will give me his calculations tomorrow for the wheel and goit and wrote to Mr Leather for his opinion - then he had Booth again about the bridge in the wood - not settled when I went out - sauntered in the walk - saw Joseph Mann again - had him just before Mr Harper came this morning - told him to see Holt and being driving for the Staups water immediately - about an hour talking to Marian - then with them  had Mr J.B. Leyland between 5 and 6 who came as desired by Mr Rawson (Christopher) with a parchment for subscriptions to raise £60 for the purchase of his statue of ‘Kilmany’ that he did during his studies in London which statue is to be placed in the new museum - Mr R-‘s name and Mr George Priestley’s was each down for £10 I said it really was not my intention to put my name down for that sum as I had not the pleasure of knowing anything of Mr JB Leyland and therefore I hoped to see the names of some of his more particular friends down immediately (after) those of Messrs. R- and P- but that I wished him success and had in fact no doubt that the subscriptions would soon be made upon - I would have given £5 but would not give £10 and did not like to be 3rd and give less than the first  2 - but gave no hint of all this

SH:7/ML/E/18/0070

tho’ my manner indicated that I would give a lesser sum after having him the chance of others at £10 - A- did not return till 6 ½ - dinner at 6 50 - the front stable not being ready for the horses Charles not having sent for the halter rings tile [or till?] by George this afternoon who brought them back with him, sent for James H- to put them on - he came about 7 and the 2 ponies and the gray were brought from the back stable and put into the front for the 1st time - coffee - a few minutes with my father and Marian when called to Messrs. Nelson and son and Husband the clerk of the works at 8 ¾  - on Mr N-‘s saying he had brought a letter from Mr Harper and the estimates for Northgate house, I answered at once, I meant Mr Harper to decide as he thought best, but said I would read what he had written - left the people in the little north dining room and ordered them port and came to my study - read Mr Harper’s letter begging me to choose between the 2 parties each equally capable ‘of executing the work and believed each would do it equally well - ‘Brian Helm’s estimate for the whole is

2700.19.6 Helm

2746.5.0 Nelson

the difference is however rather in the value of the old material than in the price of the actual labour -

277.13.5 Helm

2796.5  Nelson

Nelson having only valued the old material at £50 and Helm at £98.13.11

I have explained the matter both to Helm and to Nelson - they know the amount of each other’s estimate and I have explained to both that you will say which is to have it’ - ‘if Nelson is to have it, I should, Mr. H- thinks, allow BH. a fair compensation for  his trouble  ‘and Nelson ought to reduce his estimate so much below Helm’s as to cover what you might allow Helm’ - ...... ‘I will mention 1 circumstance in Nelson’s favour - Messrs. Cravens of York have been over this afternoon and on explaining the matter to them as to their being too late unless I should feel dissatisfied with the states - old Mr. Craven stated that he was sure Nelson would give in a very fair estimate and if he succeeded would answer both my own and my employer’s purpose as well as any man, and in fact so much were Cravens satisfied that they would not be called upon to oppose Nelson, that they said it was no use stopping in H-x to hear the decision and consequently left at 5 o’clock’ - BH- sometime ago owned to Mr. Harper he had never done columns - Nelson has had more experience - I think the bias of Mr. Harper’s mind is for N- so is my own - BH-‘s estimate for the Lodge was high - his estimate for the work at Northgate is higher than N-‘s - I was not 5 minutes in my study reading Mr. Harper’s letter and deciding - I went down instantly - sent for N- senior into the drawing room I said I did not understand his estimating the old materials at only £50 he answered immediately that he had before told Mr. Harper he would give £100 and that he had told his son (N-) so but that he the son had put down £50 - upon this old N- took the estimate and wrote down that ‘it was intended to put down £100 pounds for the ould matearls’ very well said I ‘your estimate for the work is the lower and I therefore think it right to take it - my doing so is no disparagement to Mr. Helm nor any complaint to you - I do not know either party at all - but I think it right to take the lower estimate which is yours’ - begged him to wait a little and I would give him a letter to Mr. Harper - came up immediately and wrote as follows ‘Shibden hall Thursday 30 July 1835. Sir - In consequence of the assurance contained in your letter that you believe each of the 2 parties equally competent to execute the work, and that the one will do it as well as the other, and Mr Nelson senior having said to you and also stated in writing that it was his intention to give £100 for the old materials I feel it right to take the lowest estimate and therefore leave you to make your arrangements to accordingly with Mr Nelson -  It is much to the credit of both parties that the amount of your estimates is so nearly the same -  As I feel myself at  a loss to judge what will be a proper recompense to Mr Helm for his trouble, I hope you will be so good as settle this matter for me. I am sir etc etc  A Lister’     Went downstairs immediately - gave this letter to Mr Nelson and was upstairs again at 9 50 - I had left A- with my father and Marian - I had heard her come upstairs but somehow it had never occurred to me to tell her what I was about - How strange! how unaccountable! all was done, and it was only on seeing her grave countenance on hearing my decision that the strangeness of my never having told her a syllable of it ere it was over, struck me!!! was it absence? I cannot account for it - but my annoyance was deeper than she thought - she fears I shall be talked of for not giving the job to my townsman - it is not this I think of - the decision was right, but that she had no part in it amazes and annoys me - 3 or 4 minutes with my aunt (poorly) till 9 55 - very fine day F70° at 11 1/4 pm  

[antman-56]

I Know

“Ah Joker.”

“I know.”

Right now both Mona and Akira were being followed by a very nosy Makoto Niijima.

Right now she was behind them reading this weeks manga release.  

They had noticed her following them after the Madarame incident. He will admit he didn’t notice her until Mona said he felt uneasy. It wasn’t until they were near Untouchable that Akira felt the same feeling and quickly turned around to see a familiar face duck behind the corner of the alley.  

This has been going on for a week now. and he figured out her pattern. She would wait until he left his last class and follow him until 8 pm.

Sometimes longer when he’s with Iwai or when he was in the clinic whenever he was with Takemi-san.

“She’s doing a very bad job at being hidden.”

“I know.”

Akira found the game they played enjoyable. She tried so hard to try and find proof that he had some info on the Phantom Thieves, not knowing he was the leader. 

“What should we do then. She’s being annoying.”

“Lets just waste her time.”

“So, same plan like last time or something new?.”

“Well Takemi-san is still looking through the data and Ann and Ryuji are on a date. (Mona grew a small, sinister, dark aura on being reminded, AGAIN)  And Yusuke is being Yusuke.”

“So, how do we kill time.”

“Wanna see if Iwai needs help?”

“Isn’t that the opposite of what we want?”

“Were just being a part timer in a respectable business and being upstanding citizens on top of it.”

“Your picking up some of his habits.”

***A little later, Outside Untouchable***

Makoto just saw Akira walk into the Air Soft Store. He has visited the store quite frequently, was he a worker? A regular? Or was their something more to it? He would spend hours in there and come out later then she could actually afford to watch. 

Her sister had given her a harsh lecture when she came home at 1 in the morning.

She heard of the shady stuff that went on in there, mostly stuff with the Yakuza,  but right now she couldn’t help but worry a little bit for Akira. 

He may be a suspect in her investigation but he was still a student. Maybe he was innocent in all of this and was dragged into it? Maybe she could help him?

That was why she was ready this time.

Right at her side would be her tool in finding the first step to the Phantom Thieves.

***Inside***  

Akira was up by the register and Iwai was in the back.

Iwai knew of the problem and gladly helped Akira out. He would let him stay in the shop and fix the guns he bought as long as he helped around when their were customers or the occasional police harassment. In all honesty, he felt like he had another son.

Right now, Akira was cleaning Ryuji’s Fury shotgun, his face showed annoyance on how misused this thing looked. He was so caught up in fixing it that he didn’t notice the door being opened.

DING

Akira dropped his attention from the weapon and looked up. 

If only he could take a picture.

In came Makoto, wearing a blue bandanna over her hair, sunglasses, a biker jacket with a red shirt and black biker jeans. 

She looked like a the thug from the western cartoons.

Makoto looked at Akira with shock, worry, and fear.

Here in front of her was Akira with a shotgun in his hands.

Akira noticing what she was looking at put the shotgun under the counter.

“It’s a fake”, He said hoping it would put her at ease.

It really didn’t.

“So, how can I help you miss?” He said with his customer smile.

Makoto shook her head and meet his smiling face with her shaky stoic face.

“I’m looking for a gun for my little brother.”

She was prepared. She had a story to help her questioning and kinda hoped he wouldn’t really pry into it said story.

Akira could already see right through her. He decided to play along, just to see the panicking look on her face if she was caught off guard.

“Well what guns is he interested in? Automatics, semi, explosives, syfy, something with a kick or easy to handle?”

He couldn’t help but smile a bit more when she struggled to pick what gun her fake brother wanted.

“Automatic.”

“Well then your in luck because we just received an advanced shipment of the AR-X.”

Akira then proceeded to walk over to were the rifle was displayed, took it out. and walked back up to her.

“This baby looks as realistic as the gun it’s based on and is one of the few things that would make any gun enthusiasts in Japan jump with excitement.”

Akira showed the weapon with pride and began to explain in detail why you would want to buy it.

***Outside***

After staying longer than she should have, Makoto left. After asking questions like; what kind of customers entered the store, how often do people buy guns and if she could talk to the owner for his recommendations or to place a custom order. She realized she was hitting dead ends.

She was a bit disappointed on how things played out and kinda embarrassed that she was forced to buy a fake revolver with the rest of her allowance. 

She hoped her sister would not search her once she got home.

***Inside*** 

After she left and a few minutes went by Akira began to laugh. 

The look on her face was priceless when she tried to improvise on the spot.

And she bought a gun at the end of it.

He definetly had to tell Mona about this.

In the back Iwai gave a quiet chuckle. 

The kid was a natural.

***Two Days Later***

.”When will she give up.” Mona complained.

“Well she did try to spy on Ryuji’s and Ann’s date yesterday and they said they would owe me one if I could take her this time.”

“How about we tell her that Ryuji’s said she was annoying and then after she could kicks his-”

“Mona what did Ann say.”

“If he hurts her then I can kick his ass.”

“Before that.”

“Be nice.”

They began to discuss their plan as Makoto hid behind a fashion magazine this time. 

She was at the other end of the train car to Yongen-Jaya. 

She was speculating were he was heading off to. It was either the laundry mat or to go to that clinic. And with a little research it has a reputation of being able to heal almost everything. 

She could see him on his phone and smiling. Maybe a message about another change of heart or nothing at all. 

She had to know!!

As he exited the passenger car, she quickly followed.

He was going to the clinic.

When he entered she waited by the entrance and waited until she knew he would be in the exam room.

***Inside***

“You do know testing experimental tonics isn’t really helpful to me? Right?”

“I know but I want to waste her time.”

Tae looked at her guinea pig curiously. 

“Why would you like to waste her time? It’s not like your doing anything ill- more illegal?”

Akira was stumped. But quickly came up with an answer.

“Well I like a good laugh when see tries to be sneaky.”

“If I didn’t know any better it would sound like you like being followed.”

“You caught me, that’s my kink.”

“Whatever. Just don’t... don’t play too long with her, okay.”

Akira hummed a response as he’s laid on the Patient’s bed in the room, his arms behind his head, eyes closed and a smile on his face. His only wish was to see her face behind the glass window on the door..

Tae looked at the door and saw a silhouette. She reached for another tonic.

“Here, try this one now.”

Akira reached for it and downed the whole thing.

It tasted sweet, like the color pink.

He suddenly felt his body lighten up.

“Subject lasted longer than expected. This is should be a nice prescription for people with insomnia.”

Akira was in bliss. His body felt relaxed and his head felt light. 

The last thing he could see was Tae smiling.

On the other side of the door. Makoto was trying to brace herself from barging in demanding to know what she had done to him or from calling the police.

Tae obviously knowing she was being spied on went to check his vitals for the girls sake.

“Looks like the drug can actually help him. Kid has been having trouble sleeping.” She made something up on the spot and made sure to say it loud enough so the girl wouldn’t draw the wrong conclusions.

“Now to see how long it lasts.”

Makoto left the clinic and decided to just wait outside. 

Tae saw the silhouette move away.

“(sigh) Teenagers.”

***Much Later***

She was about to go home when he walked out of the clinic and was now walking to Leblanc. It looked like he had a skip in his step and he looked happy.

She saw him enter the cafe and then quickly leave with two thermoses.

He was on the move and he didn’t have his bag. She made sure to follow procedure.

After awhile they were now in a park. He was sitting on a table, just looking at the sky. He would drink out of his thermos every now and again. 

Was he waiting for someone? A meeting? A report? Why was he here?

It wasn’t until she saw Takamaki-san enter her view. She had an umbrella in one hand and a flashlight in the other, and was dressed prettier than she was with Ryuji. Was she- NO!! Their was no way!!

She put the umbrella over them and turned on the flashlight, so Makoto could only see their shadows.

“You know this is messed up. Right.” Ann said it more as a statement than a question.

“Ryuji is across the lake with binoculars watching the both of us. And our friend.”

“Still it seems kinda wrong.”

“We aren’t kissing or anything. And this is to make her think she’s wasting her time. I mean do you like it when she spied on your guyes date.”

“True. She did sit in the booth right next to us.”

“So, lets think she’s seeing two friends hang out. With a suggestion to make her mind explode.”

/”I CAN HEAR YOU!!!”

Akira and Ann flinched at the sudden screaming in their ear.

“Ryuji you agreed to this and nothing will happen. You think I would betray my best friend.”

“ I know but- wait I’M your best friend!!”

“You were my first friend since I got here of course your my best friend.”

Ann could do nothing but laugh at the moment her guys were having. The way the shadows looked it made Makoto wonder what were they doing. Are they dating secretly? What is making her giggle? And why dose she feel the need to scream and pull her hair out?

/“Holyt Shit!!Guys I think the last train leaves in a few minutes can we rap this up!!”

“How about we finish the show for her.”

“Lets hope for the best.”

Both Ann and Akira put their faces side by side of each other to make the illusion of them kissing to their known stalker.

Makoto just stayed in he position and covered her mouth to yell at them. She began to shake from rage but was barely controlling herself for the sake of the students who have entrusted her and the school council to help them .

After they were done they got up and began to walk towards the train station. They made sure to go by Makoto’s position.

“Thank you again for helping me with practicing for the audition for that movie Akira.”

“Anytime. I just hope Ryuji doesn't find out. That felt so wrong.”

“Well I am staring in movies from here on out. And if he has a problem with it then I guess he doesn’t have to walk the red carpet with me.”

They both continued their conversation until they reached the station and said their farewells.

Makoto let out a sigh of relief when Takamaki-san said it was for a movie role and that it wasn’t a love scandal. 

“Wait why did I do that.” She wondered.

She began to wonder why the thought of Akira with someone else made her react that way.

Either way it was late and she needed to get home otherwise her sister would have her head. Again.

***Leblanc Attic***

“Joker where have you been!!” Mona screamed.

“Just having my fun for tonight.” Akira said happily. Like a kid who just played his favorite video game.

“Well get some sleep. Last thing we need is you falling asleep in class.”

Akira complied and went to his bed. Plotting how to waste her time on her free day.

***Niijima Residence***

Makoto just got home and was thankful that today was one of the late shifts her sister has been having. 

Here she was alone and coming out of the roller coaster that was today. 

The moment after school he went to a shady doctor to test out a sleeping tonic and then he helps Takamki-san by practicing for a role for a movie? Not to mention she almost blew her cover when they kissed. Which she was still trying to figure out why she cared if he was dating someone.

But It was nothing like yesterday when she saw him holding a gun at the Air Soft Store, granted it was fake, but what would the police have done if they went in and saw THAT!!

She took a deep breath. Tomorrow was another day for her to see if he keeps it up.

He is the only lead she has about the Phantom Thieves and once she has proof of how he and his friends are connected to them, or if they’re not, then she would decide to tell the authorities. 

But right now her bed is calling for her. And she needed it.

The last thing that came to her mind before sleep overtook her was when Akira smiled at her in the park. 

She didn’t question if he knew she was their or if he knew she was following him all along.

She just didn’t care at the moment.

But apart of her hoped.

She was starting to like the game they were playing.