#i actually invented comedy

[medicangels]

rip the baker who started the great fire of london, you would've loved big tesco

[pawbeanies]

looking at myself in the mirror i am in tears. i will NEVER be as funny as xformerlyknownastwitter user salivasisters

[kqluckity]

.

[lightbulb-warning]

hehehehehehe easter egg >:}

why yes this WILL be completely covered and not able to be seen in the final image!!

[hwajin]

☆°. — silly boyfie things | skz

genre: fluff

pairing: skz x gn!reader

note: i haven't posted headcanons in ages and this was SO much fun to fabricate omg hope you like it 🫶🫶

— CHAN

he would FIGHT with you over the check after you went out for dinner. like literally FIGHT and not budge when you propose to pay yourself, because you feel bad that he always, always pays for the both of you. you think you smarted him out when you invited him for dinner calling for you to pay but he has his wallet ready the moment you finish your food, telling the waiter the bill is shared and having his money out faster than you can look — it nearly enrages you every time, but he tells you he genuinely enjoys paying, doesn't mind it and wants to do it, so you have no chance other than letting it go (even if reluctantly).

— LINO

he's so annoying he thinks it's PEAK commedy to say "no" to every single favour you ask him only to do it seconds later. OR saying no and waiting, actually not doing said favour and waiting for you to get annoyed until he'd nudge and end up doing it after all. giggles as if he's the funniest mf like he enjoys seeing you being annoyed so much. acts like this in front of friends and in public in general as well, ALSO cringes sm when you show him affection whenever on a get together though the moment the two of you are alone he literally won't be able to keep his hands off you. like he pretends to be so disgusted when you even as much as touch him in public, and the moment you're alone behind closed doors he's slouching onto you like a koala.

— CHANGBIN

omg you can't tell me that he didn't invent the "no you hang up first" 😭 like you'd be coming to the end of a conversation (often while he's on tour or smth tho he literally needs to hear your voice every single day so he calls you like whenever he has a minute even of free time) and at some point he's like "aight hang up 🥰" and you play along and hit him with the "no you do 😆😝" and the quarelling goes back and forth (jokingly on your side, in ALLLL seriousness on his) and at some point you say goodbye for real and hang up AND YOU CAN BET THIS FUCKER CALLS BACK like all pouty and actually slightly upset that you had the audacity to hang up??? and you're like someone has to at some point we can't have an endless phone convo??? and he's like why not do YOU NOT LOVE ME???? yeah you get it.

— HYUNJIN

bro this man NEEDS him to be your lockscreen on your phone. like it's an actual need of his or else he's gonna cease to exist he thinks. like you're obviously his wallpaper (both on his lock AND homescreen) so when he catches a glimpse of your phone and you dare to have just a random pinterest pic as your lockscreen, one you've chosen mindlessly altogether he RIOTSSSS. pouts as if his life is depending on it, clutches his heart as if it's gonna stop any minute, gasps and side-eyes you as if you straight up cheated on him. takes a selfie RIGHT that moment (it takes him a while because he both can't decide whether he wants it to be cute or sexy, and because he wants to look good either way) and sets it as your lockscreen instantly. checks like daily to see if you've changed it (if you did to tease him he LITERALLY is moments from breaking up with you).

— JISUNG

he sends you pics of ugly looking animals with a 'you' attached to the message. like even if it has no resemblence with you altogether. like it'll be a fish, a whale, a bird, a funny looking dog and their all attached with 'you'. and like he finds it so funny even if you never react to it, in fact finds it SO hilarious that at some point he will send you pics of literally ANYTHING he sees ever — like furniture, tools, random fucking street lamps, you name it — with a 'you' attached to it and CACKLES as if he invented comedy himself. the bright side to it, he takes this to the romantic level and shoots pretty pics of flowers and sends them with the same 'you' attached to it, or pics of the sky, or of a particularly bright star. so maybe it's not that annoying after all.

— FELIX

he causes his friends to tease you because he literally can't shut up about you. like every single thing you do he even slightly adores (which is, every single thing period, tbh) is being reported to his friends because he's just so in love with you he has to get the words out or he'll combust :((. like you'd maybe get him a little gift, smth small about stuff he's interested in lately, or these "i saw this and thought of you" gifts and he presents said gift to his friends as if it's an artifact of love itself, and the next time you're over they're going at you, teasing the shit out of you because tbh, they've teased felix so much already for talking their ears off that they need another victim. you basically never stop blushing when around them, hearing constantly just how much your bf talks about you when you're not around (and you'd lie saying you don't like it).

— SEUNGMIN

bro just straight up leaves you on read except when your text contains something of advantage to him 😭😭. like you haven't seen him in a while and want to catch up a bit? he reads the message and responds like 5 hours later ("we've seen each other yesterday, you can't possibly miss me enough to talk again"). or when you send him random tiktoks or shitposts — opens and reads them and then doesn't ever bother to even leave a like 😭. though the moment you hit him with a text like "running to the supermarket, you want anything?" he's responding the same second and you grow salty every time, wondering why you put up texting him in the first place.

— JEONGIN

pretends to be jealous like a LOT. like the first time he'd be actually jealous, going fresh into the relationship with insecurities still gnawing at you and him and when he confesses you reassure him, making sure he understands there will never be an occassion on which he needs to be remotefully jealous, even. and after that he simply pretends to be, for shits and giggles and to piss you off. like you talk to the barista for your order? how could you even look their direction omg. you send a quick text to a friend while out with him? how dare he's not the single most important thing in your life rn. you tell him about a dream that didn't involve him? breaking up with you this very instant. can't stop himself from giggling at his one if a kind humour while watching you grow annoyed every time anew.

@happycandynoelle @es-kay-zee @jeyelleohe @angelwonie @lix-ables @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @bintificreads @svintsandghosts @llunapastell @sensitiveandhungry @minniesvenus @junebug032 @noellllslut

[thankskenpenders]

The Knuckles show

The announcement of a live action Knuckles streaming miniseries was surprising, to say the least. I mean, what would such a show even be about in a version of the Sonic universe with no Angel Island and barely any characters from the games around? Is he gonna go treasure hunting with the gang from Montana or something? Would a streaming miniseries have the CGI budget to squeeze in any new game characters, even briefly? Rouge? Amy? At least one member of Team Chaotix? Anyone?

Now the show is finally out, and it turns out what they actually made was a comedy show about bumbling deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, the minor comic relief character played by Adam Pally who you might not even remember all that well from the first two movies, with Knuckles as his sidekick. While, yes, Knuckles does get a decent amount of screentime and opportunities to punch bad guys and do cool moves from the games, large stretches of this show focus on Wade's personal life, to the point that a couple times I almost forgot I was watching a Sonic-related show. If you're judging it purely by the metric of how well it adapts and engages with its source material, this surely must be one of the worst adaptations the Sonic franchise has ever seen.

So then, despite some huge complaints... why do I kinda like it?

(This will contain full spoilers for the Knuckles show.)

A brief summary of what the show is actually about because I know half of you aren't going to watch it

The show picks up not too long after the end of the second movie. Knuckles is now living in Montana with Sonic, Tails, and the Wachowskis out of a sense of debt to them, though he doesn't really see it as his home. He doesn't feel like he belongs on Earth, and his life currently lacks direction. After communing with the ghost of Pachacamac, though, Knuckles is instructed to keep his culture alive by teaching "the ways of the echidna warrior" to a new apprentice: deputy sheriff Wade Whipple, who's currently more concerned about winning a bowling tournament in Reno than anything else.

Things are complicated by the interference of two rogue GUN agents - Agent Willoughby, played by Ellie Taylor in a bad wig, and Agent Mason, played by Kid Cudi. (Yes, the artist behind the second movie's credits song is one of the bad guys in this.) They want to steal Knuckles' power and sell it to a former associate of Robotnik's played by Rory McCann (The Hound from Game of Thrones), who now works as a black market arms dealer. Yes, they're still doing the thing where Sonic and friends' quills radiate some kind of super-energy that the bad guys all want. No, I don't particularly love this element of the Paramount Sonic continuity. Anyway, they go after Knuckles and Wade, complicating their straightforward road trip to Reno. Antics ensue.

The Wade show

So here's the thing. While the first episode focuses largely on Knuckles, the entire rest of the show is very much the story of Wade, and by extension the other original human characters invented for this miniseries.

Episode 2 is about Wade having to rescue Knuckles from captivity after the GUN agents get him. Knuckles spends most of the episode in a cage.

Episode 3 is about introducing Wade's Jewish family, including his slightly overbearing mother and weird sister, so that Knuckles can learn about their family traditions and have Shabbat dinner with them (and then save them from bounty hunters that the GUN agents hired).

Episode 4 only features Knuckles at the very beginning and very end of the episode, probably for less than a minute total. Wade is captured by a bounty hunter he personally knows, and Knuckles decides to let that be a trial for Wade to overcome on his own.

The last two episodes feature the climactic showdowns with the GUN agents and their arms-dealing ally, who comes in with a mech for the obligatory final boss fight. You'd think this would be Knuckles' time to shine, but really, these episodes are mostly about the bowling tournament in Reno where Wade encounters his estranged father, wrapping up his own personal arc. While Knuckles does get some fights, a lot of the finale is spent on lengthy bowling scenes where Knuckles isn't in the room or even mentioned. It frequently feels more like a spiritual successor to '00s sports comedy movies like Dodgeball, Talladega Nights, or Blades of Glory than it does a part of the Sonic franchise, and the presence of ESPN 8: The Ocho commentary in the finale only drives those Dodgeball comparisons home. They get so immersed in the bowling stuff that it's genuinely hilarious when the show suddenly pivots and remembers "oh shit we still need to do the final boss fight"

Throughout all this, Wade is the protagonist. He's the character we spend more time with, he's the character who drives most of the major events, he's the character who gets more of an arc. The emotional core is Wade's journey. Knuckles is still present - sometimes, at least - but he's there as Wade's wingman, and also just as the excuse for there to be some fight scenes.

How much Sonic stuff is actually in this show?

Honestly? Not much.

Sonic and Tails are only in the first episode. Sonic gets some good scenes, but Tails gets a grand total of five lines. I counted. Unsurprisingly, Jim Carrey is absent as Robotnik, though he does get mentioned a fair bit. (For that matter, basically the entire established human cast beyond Wade is absent, even including Tom, though Maddie is there in episode one.)

GUN is involved in the story, which helps it feel slightly more connected to Sonic, but it kind of feels like it's GUN in name only. They don't use any recognizable GUN tech, and they don't call in the military. It's just two agents in suits. They might as well be the Men in Black.

The Master Emerald is mentioned as something Knuckles has to guard, but it's never seen. Angel Island is pictured as a drawing during the show's intro, appearing exactly how it does in Sonic 3, but it's never referenced at all beyond that.

I guess the climax taking place in and around a Reno casino is a reference to Sonic's many casino-themed levels. That's something. I'll give them that.

Oh, and if you're wondering if this is the point where we finally start to get actual music from the games: no, it's not. The soundtrack consists of a lot of '80s needle drops, many of which are generic Hollywood picks like "Holding Out for a Hero" for the billionth time, thought it at least has some slightly less obvious picks than the Mario movie. The theme song is '80s rock song "The Warrior" by Scandal. You'll hear it many times. You'll hear the Adventure era Knuckles raps zero times in this. You'll briefly hear classic A Tribe Called Quest song "Can I Kick It?" before Knuckles takes the question too literally and breaks the radio in Wade's car.

Beyond a handful of surface level references for nerds (one of which is admittedly wild - we'll get to that), this is probably the least an officially licensed adaptation of Sonic the Hedgehog has ever tried to actually engage with its source material. I struggle to think of another Sonic adaptation that has less to do with Sonic. For as much shit as I and countless others have given Penders for seemingly ignoring the content of the games in favor of building his own convoluted mythos, his Knuckles comics honestly included way more elements from the games than this show does.

Somehow, the one new(-ish) Sonic character introduced in this is the ghost of Pachacamac of all characters. Not even Tikal! Pachacamac! A very minor character nobody has particularly strong feelings about! You can't even use the excuse that they already had the character model, because they completely redesigned him compared to his cameo in the first movie to better match his Sonic Adventure design. And he's voiced by Christopher Lloyd! Honestly, so many of his lines are strained that it sounds like he's on death's door here, but then he'll surprise you with a more casual line like "just do it, man" and it catches me so off guard that I can't help but laugh.

Pachacamac here has basically nothing to do with the game character he takes his name and appearance from. Where the game character was a cruel warlord who kicked off a 3000 year cycle of violence, Paramount Pachacamac is now just this chill old man who gives Knuckles (and later Wade) advice in two episodes of the show. Hell, he also feels completely disconnected from his established role in the movies, where he's literally the guy who shot Longclaw. The show will not grapple with this contradiction at all. He's just here to be a thing fans like me will recognize from the games. Again, if that's all they wanted, it's kind of baffling that they didn't just use Tikal.

I don't love Knuckles in this

But what about Knuckles himself? Well, he doesn't feel all that much like Knuckles to me. Ironically, he sometimes feels like one of the weaker elements in his own show.

Back when the second movie came out, I noted that Knuckles' characterization seemed to be pulling heavily from MCU Thor as a gallant warrior from an archaic alien culture who doesn't really understand modern day Earth stuff. That worked for me in that movie. It was just there for spice. Just a little extra flavor for the character in what was otherwise a very faithful adaptation of Knuckles' storyline in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Without those familiar elements grounding him and with a much higher reliance on comedy, Idris Elba's Knuckles becomes a pretty one-note character in this.

In damn near every scene with Knuckles, he's going to say something about being a proud, honorable echidna warrior, or brag about his glorious feats of strength, or be confused about some Earth thing and call it sorcery, or act like every other character is also a member of some noble warrior clan. He still has his moments for sure, but this schtick kinda gets old fast, and it just doesn't feel like Knuckles to me. His entire character feels derived from the scene in the diner where Thor smashes the cup on the ground and goes "Another!" Sure, I can picture game Knuckles smashing a radio to turn it off and being a little too gung-ho about busting holes through walls. That's Knuckles behavior. But building a barbarian combat pit in the living room so the Wachowski family dog can fight the mailman? Nope. That's some other guy now. It really does just feel like them taking a broad character archetype from something popular that kinda sorta fits Knuckles and just running with that, rather than trying to actually adapt the character.

Oh, but don't worry, he wears the OVA hat for like two minutes! AND he loves grapes! See, Sonic nerds? We read the wiki! That's his favorite food! Grapes! This is gonna come up like five times!

Knuckles kind of gets an arc here, but not as much as Wade does. I think the stuff about him starting to feel at home on Earth thanks to Wade's mom and the way he connects with their Jewish family traditions is oddly sweet. This arc is kind of let down, though, by the fact that Knuckles' heritage is treated as a complete joke. He's a cartoonish pastiche of various historical warrior cultures stuck together in a blender and used mostly for comedic effect. When Pachacamac's ghost appears, he's reading a newspaper and bemoaning the fact that the Mets lost again. This is not the place for a serious examination of Knuckles' feelings on being the last of his kind.

This is far from the only time the show undercuts itself with its jokes and attempts at self-parody. In the first episode, for instance, Knuckles clashes with GUN Agent Mason and his tech-enhanced punches, leading to an extremely on-the-nose inversion of the "Do I look like I need your power?" scene showcased in the trailer for the second movie. Except this time, Agent Willoughby butts in and points out how stupid that line is in this new context, since they're literally trying to steal Knuckles' power. The fight can't just be cool, they have to get cute with it. A lot of stuff like that happens in this show.

Given all these complaints, the first two episodes left me thinking I'd be fairly negative on this show overall. This seemed like the version of the show from the fandom's collective nightmares, one that undoes all of the progress the movie series seemed to have been making towards faithfulness to the games. Like, just look at these cast posters. Is this what you want out of Sonic? Do these excite you?

But then, something strange happened. Over time, I just kind of let the jokes and shenanigans wash over me and basked in how fucking weird this show is.

And I started to actually enjoy it.

Look. The Wade & Knuckles Show was never going to be peak Sonic. But that sure as hell doesn't mean it can't be entertaining.

This show is so fucking goofy

Here's the thing.

The show is funny.

Unlike a lot of other people, I didn't hate all the wedding stuff in Hawaii in Sonic 2, because I thought a lot of it was funny, both in its actual jokes and in the ways in which they tied everything back to Sonic. Tom looking wistfully at some bodybuilders doing Top Gun shit and spraying each other with beer and being like "I wish Sonic had that" is weirdly funny. The twist that those muscle bros are all agents of the newly formed GUN, who orchestrated the wedding as an elaborate scheme to catch Sonic, is funny. Mr. Olive Garden becoming the fucking GUN Commander is VERY funny. Are any of these elements of my dream Sonic movie? No, of course not. But my dream Sonic movie was never gonna happen in live action.

The Knuckles show follows up on the comedy of the previous films by being probably the funniest live action Sonic release yet. Did every joke land for me? God no. There are some stinkers in there that made me roll my eyes. But enough of them landed that it worked out for me overall. A big part of this is the fact that they've got a good cast of actors and/or comedians here.

Adam Pally is funny as Wade, and I found myself liking him more and more as a character as the show went on. He becomes an oddly endearing loser, with some sweet moments in his personal arc that made me feel for the guy. I like Wade more than Tom now, thanks to this show. I will now be happier to see Wade in Sonic 3 than I would have been previously.

The supporting cast is frequently great, too, many of whom are playing completely cartoonish, over-the-top characters. They took a cue from how exaggerated Carrey's performance was as Robotnik and decided to just abandon all pretense that this is the real world. Stockard Channing as Wade's mom is funny, and carries some of the more sincere parts of the show. Cary Elwes as Wade's very British dad who abandoned him as a child to run off and be the world's most egotistical professional bowler is funny. Edi Patterson as Wade's sister Wanda is... well, she's kinda trying too hard, but she has her moments. The Mighty Boosh co-creator Julian Barratt(!!) as a scenery-chewing bounty hunter, who was also somehow Wade's former best friend and bowling partner, is VERY funny. I love this guy.

(Honestly, they should let more people who were on Garth Marenghi's Darkplace be in Sonic stuff. Where's Matt Berry)

This is kind of a stacked cast for a bunch of stupid side characters in a live action Knuckles show! And honestly, that just makes it funnier to me. Even when they're not funny, the fact that this exists makes it funny. They somehow convinced Paramount to give them a bunch of money to make a spiritual successor to Dodgeball about a schlubby guy who wants to beat his dad at a bowling tournament... except also Knuckles the fucking Echidna is there as his personal life coach. My life is richer for the fact that I can say that sentence. I think about all the little kids who are probably watching this show this weekend, going in expecting a show about Knuckles the Echidna and having to sit through extensive bowling scenes and lore about Wade's family, and sorry kids, but I just have to laugh. Wade isn't even on the poster! The poster is just a picture of Knuckles!! They punked those kids!!!

In a franchise where every single aspect is so carefully micromanaged these days, it feels truly special to get an adaptation this bonkers. It frequently appeals to the same part of me that enjoys the fact that there's an officially licensed Knuckles comic in which Charmy Bee's best friend (also a bee) dies of an accidental LSD overdose from a drug-laced chili dog. Or like, everything about the original 1993 Super Mario Bros. movie. Or the fact that they made seven direct-to-DVD sequels to Alpha and Omega, one of which is half a retread of the adventure from the first movie (with more annoying supporting characters in tow this time) and half a literal clip show of the first movie. The sheer absurdity of the fact that these things exist is charming to me. Except, with the Knuckles show, it has the added benefit of frequently being funny on purpose! This is why I'm not sure I'd call it "so bad it's good." Like, it's not amazing, but there were a lot of parts that I enjoyed in the exact way I was supposed to enjoy them.

Look. Here's a list of real lines of dialogue from the Sega-approved Knuckles the Echidna streaming show that they're billing as a pillar of the Paramount+ lineup, to drive this point home. Let these marinate for a minute:

"I only eat grapes, and Cool Ranch Doritos™."

"Annihilate this little girl, Wade. Crush her spirit. Humiliate her so badly her parents won't even look at her again." "Doesn't that seem like we're going a bit far?" "Not far enough."

"So is he Jewish?" "Half, I think."

"I had a friend who when he listened to Alien Ant Farm he could lift a Toyota Corolla over his head."

"I'm in dire financial straits. Due to my lawsuit against an unnamed rainforest-themed restaurant franchise, I don't have two pennies to my name."

"We're here in sunny Reno, Nevada, which is so close to Hell you can smell the sparks."

"You can't threaten me with your Jewish karate chops because I am a federal agent."

"I will say, regardless of how you feel about child abandonment - and I'm against it! - the deals at TJ Maxx can't be beat."

This is a Sonic show in which they got Paul Scheer and Rob Huebel to appear as ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators.

This is a show where Wade's mom insists upon pronouncing "Knuckles" with the throaty Hebrew "ch" sound, and declares that Knuckles is basically Jewish. Later, they watch Pretty Woman together while enjoying a nice slice of key lime pie. Knuckles comments: "I don't understand. This young streetwalker with a heart made of gold, why do the others treat her with such disdain? Is it so wrong to walk the streets?"

This is a show where the fourth episode is directed by one of the guys from The Lonely Island and features a hallucinatory low budget rock opera stage musical put on by the ghost of Pachacamac. It recounts Knuckles' life story, with Wade playing Knuckles and the "evil" Longclaw played by the bounty hunter guy who's played by the Mighty Boosh guy.

Look at this.

And also, Knuckles' singing voice is provided by Michael Bolton, which they proudly announce in the middle of the musical.

And also...

Also...???

IBLIS IS IN IT????????????

Yes, Iblis!

From Sonic '06!!

Knuckles is said to have looked for a mythical power called the "Flames of Disaster" to avenge his clan, which ended up being the power that was within him all along that lets him do fire punches yadda yadda yadda. As part of this, he apparently fought Iblis off-screen at some point, as conveyed with the giant singing papier-mâché Iblis in the musical.

...Then Iblis sings about hitting up Facebook Marketplace

How? How does any of this exist? Why reference '06 of all games? How did Iblis get into the live action Sonic movie universe before Amy and Metal Sonic? Why are they using Iblis and the term "Flames of Disaster" in such a goofy way that completely disregards their original context?

I don't know. I don't know how any of this happened. But I love it. We got a Knuckles miniseries in which Michael Bolton sings the phrase "the Flames of Disaster." The world is a beautiful place sometimes.

Some people will tell you to skip episode four. "Knuckles is barely even in it," they say. "It's dumb and pointless," they say. "They clearly just ran out of special effects budget," they say. These are people whose opinions you should disregard. The episode with the least Knuckles in it is somehow the most entertaining episode of the show. I would, in fact, go as far as to say that if you only decide to watch one episode of the Knuckles show to see what goofy bullshit they get up to, it should be this one.

I cannot be mad at this show. It's so dumb, but it completely owns the fact that it's a dumb and unnecessary spinoff. Inferiority is baked into its very DNA. It's very self-consciously redoing the premise of the first movie, but stupider. It's about The Other Cop from the movies, instead of the competent one. Instead of being into a "cooler" sport, his life revolves around professional bowling. Instead of going to Vegas, he goes to Reno. Even his tragic backstory that shaped his entire life sucks. He was abandoned by his pro bowler dad in a TJ Maxx. Not even a nicer department store. A fucking TJ Maxx. This whole show is a Dril tweet.

They put a ton of effort into making it dumb in an occasionally spectacular way. So much effort was put into that joke rock opera that fans will just write off as stupid filler. They put their whole pussies into it. This is not a poorly made show. This has better production values than half the shit made for Disney+. This was made with love. Maybe not as much love for the Sonic the Hedgehog series of video games as we'd like, but it's love nonetheless.

Maybe this show broke me and these are the ramblings of a madwoman. Maybe I'm just really nostalgic for the '90s and '00s comedy movies all the Wade stuff is modeled after. Maybe the Alan Wake fan in me just really loves it when a story pivots to a silly rock opera for no real reason. I won't discount any of these possibilities. This isn't high art. This isn't something I would recommend to anyone with zero interest in Sonic, and it also isn't going to sway Sonic fans who hate the Paramount universe. I really can't blame them for being bewildered by this show. But for a specific type of person, this is the absurd three-star Sonic-adjacent comedy miniseries of your dreams. It's a mid masterpiece.

Again, I just have to step back, realize the fact that this shouldn't exist, and smile. Sega's too afraid to do stupid bullshit with the franchise like this these days. And I can't blame them, after years of Sonic being a treated as a laughingstock. But part of me misses some of the goofy shit. No matter how much I tore some of the Archie comics apart as I was reading them for this blog, I just look back on stuff like Cal and Al or the Many Hands issues and laugh. And that same part of me looks at this show about Knuckles being the sidekick to this fucking guy, and just goes...

"We're so back."

In conclusion, I genuinely think this was a more enjoyable TV show than Sonic Prime.

I wouldn't go back and rewatch Sonic Prime anytime soon, aside from maybe, like, a couple of the Shadow-heavy episodes. Huge stretches of that show bored me to tears. The writers squandered all of that show's potential. But I would rewatch the Knuckles show, which takes a terrible premise and has a lot of fun with it, in a heartbeat. Even the bowling parts. The bowling scenes in the Knuckles show are more engaging than 70% of the fights in Sonic Prime. I am not trolling. I mean that sincerely, with all my heart. Don't @ me.

Stray observations

There is effectively zero meaningful setup for the third movie in this, unless Wade's family or the two GUN agents come back or something. Project Shadow is not mentioned in this. There is no secret post-credits scene with Gerald

The CGI in this is pretty good. Not quite on par with the movies, but pretty good. Sonic's weird forehead wrinkles are distracting in his scenes though. Please fix that

I wouldn't say I liked this as much as the second movie, which obviously gets a ton of points for, you know. The Cool Sonic Shit. But I had more fun with it than the first movie, which I still feel is a painfully generic family movie that was only saved by Tyson's redesign

"Grapes are an interesting choice for someone who doesn't use his individual fingers."

Agent Willoughby was apparently the one at GUN who had to buy the Olive Garden gift cards and set up the fake wedding. Her origin story is that she hated doing shit like that and wanted to go fight aliens

This miniseries contains another Keanu namedrop because Wade's childhood bedroom has a Speed poster on the wall. I swear, if Sonic doesn't say Shadow sounds just like Keanu...

Knuckles is familiar with Paul Blart Mall Cop

Near the end the ESPN 8: The Ocho commentators say that the 1974 Reno bowling championship was also interrupted by an extraterrestrial, and given that was exactly 50 years ago I can't write off the possibility that that was Shadow. Please for the love of god give us a sequel series after the third movie where Wade takes Shadow the Hedgehog bowling. I need this more than I need air

[nitr09-productions]

Currently watching Ed and Oucho’s Transmission Impossible. Though I’ve rewatched the old office skits quite a lot, I don’t think I’ve seen Transmission Impossible since it aired. 

 Now that I think of it, the premise alone is totally unhinged; a failing TV presenter and his sentient cactus friend run a pirate TV show from their blimp that’s powered by burning children’s artwork. They regularly accidently abduct child stowaways, forcing them to participate in bizarre death games, the losers of which are thrown out of the blimp.

[txttletale]

i saw an old post of yours about racial coding where you mentioned “the taako wars.” i tried looking it up and couldn’t find anything. i know who the character taako is, i’ve listened to TAZ, and i know that in the podcast griffin refrained from making Lup’s full name chalupa because that could be stereotypical, but what were the taako wars? were they related to that or am i going in the wrong direction

so taako (ik you know this but i'm explaining for the layman) was a character on the adventure zone, a comedy d&d podcast. his name was taako taaco and he was on a quest to invent the taco. pretty typical d&d podcast comedy stuff.

& then fans, who, to be fair to them, were probably just being well-meaning but dumb teens with a warped idea of 2015-era Social Justice Concepts, decided that this meant that taako was mexican-coded (because his name was taako) and that therefore it was racist that he loved stealing (because, yknow, d&d comedy podcast), and, in a mindbending piece of tautology, that he was called 'taako'. now obviously it would be insanely racist if white boy justin mcelroy made a mexican d&d character called taco taco. but he didn't. taako is like. an elf.

so then this controversy gained another, dumber layer, when the graphic novels were printed and taako was green. this kicked off two rounds of discourse. one: that green skin was an antisemitic stereotype, a claim that i've literally never seen sourced to anywhere than tumblr blogs and never heard in any context other than taako discourse. two, that it was cultural erasure to make him green because he should be a brown-skinned mexican. the guy named taako taaco. who loves stealing and wants to invent the taco.

then in the funniest possible resolutionm to this griffin mcelroy, the DM, decided to avoid having this elf Culturally Appropriate from mexicans by inventing the taco anmd so had a mexican kid from the real world isekaied into the fnatasy world. to teach hjim how to make a taco. i still cant believe that was the actual resolution

anyway tuymblr in like 2016 was a very silly place

[ariaste]

so i'm reading Interview With the Vampire for the first time in twenty years and this shit is SO FUCKING FUNNY like. god.

like there you are, being louis, having your beautiful elegant grief over the death of your brother and this random vampire partially eats you on your doorstep one night and then rocks up the next night pretending to be a Really Cool Elegant Suave Guy like "bonjouuuuur do u want to be a vampire [drapes self elegantly all over the room] i could do that for you" and then you're like "wow okay [privately noticing all the hot things about him]" and then he makes you a vampire and you're like "wow he is holding me like a lover and i have some unspecified Feelings about it, he is radiant, he is so beautiful, golly" and then to everyone's disappointment but particularly yours, this allegedly cool suave elegant vampire proceeds to immediately drop the act and reveal that he is the least cool person who has genuinely ever existed, in fact he is absolutely intolerable and a Whole Ass Moron, and all you can do is stare in incredulity and mounting contempt as he blithely installs his REAL DAD in your house without asking or even communicating in advance that he HAD a dad (you are bewildered to discover that vampires have dads or at least this weirdo does for some reason???), and starts spending your money like he's the sugar baby in this situation (and to your horror you realize that he IS ACTUALLY THE SUGAR BABY IN THIS SITUATION, HOW DID HE CON YOU INTO THIS) and you're immediately like "fuck fuck fuck fuck i've made a huge mistake" and start keeping an eye out for any local vampire divorce lawyers and making a mental note of every single wrong he commits so that a couple centuries later you can bitch about them to a random reporter you just met like

oh the bitching, oh the sass. "had he any native intelligence" i'm crying. "characteristic lack of common sense" not even the common sense god gave a gnat, yeah wow ur right. "i was tempted to say 'yes you are', but I didn't" YOU SHOULD HAVE, BABE, YOU WERE JUSTIFIED god the moral high ground here is two inches high

And then there's this whole tangent about "yeah and then after a while Lestat got this fang-crush on this random neighbor boy -- you know, like when you see a random neighbor boy and you reeaaaaaally want to eat him?? anyway i told him not to eat the neighbor boy, including physically wrestling him in the rain to keep him from pouncing on the neighbor boy while the neighbor boy was having a little rapier duel with someone, but lestat was wily and slippery and uh well that was it for the neighbor boy" like god lestat is so fucking stupid (affectionate), he's LITERALLY going around louis' house like ":) wow you have nice plates. and glasses! I miss glasses. wait i know I'LL PUT A RAT IN THE GLASS [hunts around in the grass for a rat while Louis watches in bewilderment from the window] [gets a rat] [pours the rat into the glass] [elegant sip] [complains that it gets cold too fast] [inexplicably smashes the glass when he's done with it?????? for vibes i guess?????]" the exasperation. the outrage. this is not what Louis signed up for. he thought HE was going to be the sugar baby. he thought he was getting swept off his feet and Romanced and shit. where is the hot vampire who was like "oooh louis let's be together forever" and why has he been replaced with this blond moron in his house, breaking his THINGS, having a dad who he yells at???? and being very polite to guests actually

like. pals Lestat was the original cringefail emo poser boyfriend and none of us deserve to stand in his presence. Louis is so embarrassed to have ever associated with him. this book is a comedy.

tbh tho raise a glass for lestat tho who wiggled his lil self into New Orleans like "step one, find sugar daddy to keep track of my money :))))) and marry him" like yeah he's embarrassing to know but to his credit the man DOES know how to invent and execute a plan with impressive efficiency while vastly outmaneuvering anyone with allegedly more common sense, so who's the real moron in this situation, hm???

[deconstructthesoup]

I think the reason that Dimension 20 really scratches all those itches in my brain is that it really shows what you can do with D&D---and TTRPGs as a whole.

Fantasy High, by itself, is an incredibly compelling concept. What would D&D look like in a semi-modern setting? What would a high school that's all about teaching teens how to be adventurers look like? And the way it's done is beyond inventive, especially if you look at all the encounters in the first season---we've got a literal food fight, a high-speed road chase with tiefling greasers, a nightclub brawl with zombies, vampires, and werewolves, a skating match with a bunch of dwarven middle schoolers and a concrete golem, a high-stakes game of football (ish) with undead jocks that give off major teen slasher vibes, a fight done in an arcade where characters can get trapped in the consoles, and the final battle is done at prom. PROM! How cool is that?

And then we get to the Unsleeping City, which takes the urban fantasy elements that Fantasy High already had and elevates it. The way the D&D lore and magic is interpreted in a modern New York setting is excellent, as is the whole take on the "American Dream," magic literally coming from dreams, ideas, and the imagination. I know that I need to actually finish the UC saga, but from what I've seen and experienced, it is truly fantastic.

And the same energy carries through to the other seasons---my personal favorite outside of Fantasy High being A Court of Fey and Flowers, just because I'm a sucker for any Fey Realm content and I've been raised on Jane Austen---where the genre mashups shine through in the best way possible. I'll admit, I haven't seen A Crown of Candy, purely because I know how heartbreaking and devastating it is and I don't think I can physically handle it, but the concept of Candyland Game of Thrones is so beautifully bizarre that I totally get why people love it so much. Escape from the Bloodkeep hitting that workplace comedy vibe that we love to see in villains. Misfits & Magic being a love letter to the "magical boarding school" genre while also calling out all the weird contradictions inherent in it. A Starstruck Odyssey literally being an homage to Brennan's mom and exactly the kind of madcap and unhinged energy I need from my sci-fi. Neverafter perfectly encapsulating the true horror of fairy tales. Mentopolis hitting my noir-loving heart and personifying hyperfixation in the best way possible.

I'm not even kidding when I say that, if it weren't for Dimension 20... I probably wouldn't have even started my own campaign. I'd had snippets and ideas ever since officially getting into D&D and joining a game with some old friends (and getting back in touch with them in the process), but after I saw the Mentopolis trailer, I realized just how much variety TTRGPs had to offer. I could do a time-blending, history-meets-future campaign. I could go out-of-the-box. I could have endless amounts of options available to my friends and still tell the story that I wanted to tell. And when I sat down and watched Fantasy High---and when I got that Dropout subscription so I could consume whatever I wanted---it felt like the show was actually giving me advice. It's fantastic.

Also it helps that the episodes are usually only roughly a couple hours instead of being, like, an entire afternoon long. And that each season is 20 episodes, tops. No offense to Critical Role, but the sheer amount of content literally makes it impossible for me to get into it.

[zoe-oneesama]

On a serious note, why do you not like Derision? I mean, I can guess why, but I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts (if you want to).

What have they done to my boy?!

I guess we'll start with the whole "trauma" thing since that's how the episode starts - with Marinette going on a date with Adrien at the pool but constantly getting heart palpitations at the very idea of it. And not good lovey-dovey crush ones like Sabine thinks. The Actual Panic Attack kind.

This just feels unnecessary AND too late. Unnecessary because there are plenty of pre-established reasons why Marinette could be hesitant to go all in with Adrien (Being Ladybug, the 354th other times going for Adrien has failed or left her humiliated, Being Ladybug). So I don't know why they invented a trauma for her in the final hour and didn't think it was worth talking about before now?

They really came up with this whole scheme to explain why Marinette does Marinette things, like learning Adrien's schedule, planning out everything before she tries to make a move, needing to know everything about him, as if the show hasn't been mocking her for these exact traits and allowing them to blow up in her face over and over again. But NOW it's due to her TRAUMA. So...retroactively when her friends laughed at her or slapped their foreheads in frustration or the show framed her failures as a joke...we know it's actually from a tragic place and can't laugh anymore.

I mean, I was never laughing, but you get what I mean. They framed it like it was part of the comedy and now they're pulling the rug out from under themselves. How are you supposed to laugh when Adrien brings Marinette constipation medicine, or when her pictures of him are blasted all over Paris Television, or the *ugh* Statue Scene plays out and now you know that this is just adding to her pre-existing trauma? They have shot the show's rewatch value.

I never thought Marinette needed a "reason" act the way she was because those were always just kinda The Things Teenage Girls Do when they have a crush. I've admitted in the past to learning my crush's class schedule just to orchestrate running into each other in the hallways more often, and if their crush had public interviews and magazine pictures, I'm pretty sure most kids would also cut out their pictures to keep and would read and remember the interviews. I never really saw her behavior as that weird for a girl her age with a crush and recognize some cartoon exaggeration.

...Stealing his phone was a little weird, though, I'll give them that though Alya is the one who suggested it first...

SO, we enter a long flashback to One Year Ago (with Marinette now on her third Almost-Akumatization, good lord) and learn what life was like for Marinette pre-Origins, and oh boy. It's hell. She's making up illnesses to avoid school, avoiding all contact with anyone in the courtyard, having cockroaches put in her locker, having the Principal catch her "late" for class (after she had to clean herself up from a water prank), gets yelled at by the teacher for being late, sits in paint, mocked in class and then yelled at again by the teacher for pointing out the person mocking her probably planted it, and gets Saturday detention. All in one day. And when anyone tries to talk to her or even glares at the person responsible, they get threatened too.

The main reason this is hell is because Marinette is being let down by every single adult in her life. Sabine just laughs and tells Marinette that she only has a few weeks left with Chloe and it's not like she'll be in the same class as her next year.🙃 Well, why don't you make SURE she doesn't?! Maybe this is just an American vs French school thing, but where I come from, it's totally within your rights to request that your child not be put in the same class as someone else, they could at least put in a throw away line about her parents TRYING to move her, but Chloe's not allowing it JUST to keep Marinette close to her. And maybe take this a little more seriously, Sabine- your daughter is faking illness to avoid One. Girl. That should be concerning, not "lol my daughter is so silly for trying to get out of class."

Damocles finds Marinette and yells at her for being "constantly late" and praising the "anonymous notes" (signed by Chloe -_-) for always alerting him when she's behind, and then later gives her Saturday detention for...someone clearly planting paint on her desk chair? He sees a victim of bullying and punishes her for it. At the end of the episode he even suspends Socqueline for something that happened outside of school, yet in "Jubilation" she's pumping him up as The Best Principal?! Does this show thinks we're stupid or something?!

Mendeleiev also yells at Marinette for being late. She allows Chloe to make fun of Marinette for looking depressed when she comes in and allows Chloe to mock Marinette for sitting in paint, but when Marinette doesn't even stand up for herself but just accuses Chloe of putting the paint there, THEN Mendeleiev has something to say, and it's to Marinette? For "groundlessly" accusing the only person in the room laughing at Marinette, the one who was just making fun of her, the one who kept her eyes on Marinette so she could watch her sit in the paint?

Marinette tells Socqueline that all the adults are scared of Chloe, but that's not what I saw. Sure, at the end of the episode Damocles is afraid when Chloe pulls a "Lady Wifi" to force him to punish Socqueline for smashing Sabrina's phone, but the sequence of events played out more like the adults participating in the bullying. It wasn't like Damocles was sympathetic to Marinette and then Chloe cleared her throat, so he straightened up nervously and started berating Marinette. It wasn't like Marinette accused Chloe and then Chloe glared at Mendeleiev, forcing her to finally intervene. All the adults see what's going on and are either completely oblivious or don't care.

Also, Chloe totally unprompted says this:

GET A LIFE, what is your PROBLEM?! Like, why have a flashback episode and not have it explain what Chloe's fixation on Marinette even is?! It doesn't have to be big or anything! Like, have Marinette trip and spill something on Chloe in art class! Just do something!

And like, I totally get that irl bullies just choose their targets for no real reason and this is just another example of that, but to this level?! Just...get a hobby!

And then there's the big thing they did in this stupid episode. The unforgivable. The reprehensible.

This fucking guy.

It's been so long since we've seen Bully Kim that I was pretty sure he was left behind entirely on the draft floor. Sure, Kim is still capable of being insensitive or not thinking long-term, but he was a good kid. He roots for his friends and wants everyone to have a good time.

Hell, I could even buy that Kim was dumb enough to believe Chloe when she claims what he did was a funny practical joke that they'd all laugh about later...until Socqueline came up and yelled at him that he should be ashamed of himself.

And Ondine yelled at him in the present that he should be ashamed of himself.

And it's a year later and he should have realized by now that he should be ashamed of himself.

Kim is dumb, that's just a fact, but the way he doubles down and is so sure of himself that NO it's everyone ELSE who has a problem because they can't take a JOKE? Like...why?! Why did they co-sign on this character assassination?!

Just make him become akumatized because he's A S H A M E D of what he did now that he's finally sitting down and thinking about it a year later! He can keep the same look and motif, just have Monarch stroke the part of him that doesn't want him to be the jerk, the old Kim! It's totally normal, especially for a kid, to want to believe that they're not the bad guy even with all the evidence pointing to it, so I could even see the akuma being exactly the same.

But naur, it's KIM who talks like a right-wing podcast douche bag, complaining that you can't just speak your mind these days and everyone needs to get a sense of humor, they just don't GET it man, this is just how he IS brah, take it or leave it! His akuma's even named "Dark Humor", like edgy losers on reddit who make racist/sexist jokes and then get mad when he's downvoted and boo'd out of a forum. God, we just CAN'T TAKE A JOKE I guess.

I'm glad this is resolved by Ladybug gluing a toilet to his head.

I just...I feel like this could've worked in Season 1, or Season 2. Like...put it before Dark Cupid or before Syren or something. That way, Kim being a total douche is the starting point of his character arc, not the Season 5 Post-Hero Run point, ugh.

It'd also make this stupid line make more sense:

I'm sorry, the girl who got you akumatized after she humiliated you in nearly the same way you humiliated Marinette? I guess that was "just a prank bro" too, right?

Establish Marinette's problems with romance early, so she can overcome them or at least give them the proper context. It'd at least make the show look better if they hadn't made fun of her for 4 Seasons only to drop this bombshell on us at the end. You know...the thing that they just did.

This episode just isn't fun. I hated "Illusion" because all you get to see is the bad guys winning and outsmarting the heroes, but "Derision" is a marathon of seeing the absolute misery Marinette was put through, just to jump forward to the present to destroy a character that I really liked.

Would a kid even like this episode?

[meglosthegreat]

I recently recced someone Dishonored, and in doing so realized that the reasons I love the series and the reasons game reviewers and media outlets loved the series are actually very different. So whatever you've heard about it being an inventive and mechanically intricate immersive sim, here's why you should actually play these games:

Corvo, the depressed dad who is also a rampant kleptomaniac who does a little bit (or a lot) of murder but it's ok because it's not as much murder as the ones he's murdering

Daud, the depressed ace/aro king who does one little war crime that everyone won't shut up about and is then sad for the rest of the series

Emily, the depressed empress who was actually pretty bad at ruling and needed to go murder a few people (or a lot) in order to get better at it

Billie, the depressed criminal who somehow ends up being a video game protagonist as a 40+ year-old black lesbian woman and is perpetually done with everyone's shit

The Outsider, the depressed god who is constantly soaking wet and torments people by giving them the power to do war crimes while also gleefully watching them slowly go insane

And that's just the major players! You also get as a bonus, in no particular order: deep worldbuilding, immaculate aesthetics, comically evil fucked up little guys, comically tragic fucked up little guys, talking rats, time travel shenanigans, slapstick comedy, and as much poetic justice as your twisted little heart desires.

[talenlee]

Hanamusa, Explained

There is a nonzero chance if you follow me on tumblr, you’ve seen the term ‘Hanamusa’ attached to something I shared. It’s probably also some super cute art of Delia Ketchum and Jessie Teamrocket, and you may wonder what is going on and also, why is there so much good art of this.

Hanamusa as a term derives from the Japanese names of the characters – Hanako and Musashi. If you’re into shipping name structures, Hana-Musa implies that Hanako is the seme and Musashi the uke, but I don’t think that holds for all use cases of the type of terminology. It’s a ship. It’s an AU ship, as in an ‘alternate universe’ ship, where the two characters are presented in a context outside of the normal context of the anime presentation of them.

The Hanamusa ship as I understand it is set at some point after Jessie and James stop chasing Ash around, and Jessie settles down into a relationship with Delia. There’s tension about her history with Ash and the confusion about finding Your Personal Villain dating your mom, but mostly it’s about showing a sweet domestic life between two characters you know very well in a format I kind of see as like, Comedy-Sabot Romantic 4koma. Like, Hanamusa content is funny (and it is VERY funny) but it doesn’t need to be funny, because the main thing it’s about is showing these two characters and their relationship as they do cute things together.

It’s why people watch shows like K-On basically.

As for where this idea comes from, (EDIT: Slightly wonky wording here, I should have phrased 'this current fandom push' - I don't have any reason to believe Mai INVENTED the ship, just that when you go looking you'll wind up at her work) it seems to have its genesis with the work of one Kiana Mai, who developed this ship some time ago. Kiana Mai is also an extremely skilled artist, and one of those skills seems to be focus, creating these extremely clean-line excellently structured scene vignettes with no unnecessary content in them but also no need to rocket along. It’s amazing, engaging work that uses every part of the small format amazingly well. Which makes sense because one of the things Kiana Mai does is storyboarding work for Disney animated TV shows, a task at which I am sure she no doubt excels.

What I think is the most interesting aspect of Hanamusa, to me specifically, is that it manages to combine three things I don’t actually care about, in a way that doesn’t interfere with something I have unexpectedly strong opinions on. I do not watch Pokemon, and I have not shed a tear for Team Rocket and Ash Ketchum wandering into the sunset. That is a show that is not for or about my interests and that is okay. Indeed, imagining that it should be about what interests me is baffling. I think if I stopped watching a show twenty years ago, I have lost all right to act like I’m entitled to expect it remain the way it was all the way back then.

But I do have opinions on Jessie and James’ character voice. Not their voice acting – I mean, I know for a fact they’ve had to change over time and no voice actor should be obligated to kick it in the same role for what could be their entire career. I mean the way they talk about things and the words they use and kind of emphasis they put on words when they talk. About the way they voice their ideas, or the way they express who they are in the way they talk to one another, that stuff. It’s about affordances and persona, about the kind of people you project being by what words you choose to use and the affect when using them.

It’s why when, if a picture of a character is underneath it, you can read some dril posts as being ‘appropriately’ voiced by a character, even if it’s describing a candle situation that Francis Crozier did not have opinions on.

Jessie has a voice.

Jessie, in my head, is someone capable of moments of tenderness and friendship that is normally overwhelmed by an incredible confidence in ability she does not have and mere reality will never be given permission to infringe on it. Jessie is unassailably unstoppably sure of herself, thoughtlessly stupid in a way that doesn’t mean she is stupid, but which exists in a context of someone who has relentlessly pursued excellence in her job which is also the equivalent of being a late night 7/11 manager. She is the Girlboss that is Gaslighting herself into thinking she has something to Gatekeep.

Delia Ketchum by comparison is a very nice piece of wallpaper. Every appearance of her in my mind is someone Very Nice who is Very Patient and Very Supportive and has managed to keep literally all emotionally challenging conversations from happening around Ash, which can be perhaps easier when you remember that he, too, is an idiot. I don’t know how Delia Ketchum talks, but I do know that there are ways that Delia Ketchum does not talk.

This is interesting! It’s interesting because it presents a character where I am very sure I know what she does do when she does it, and a character about whom I can only be sure wouldn’t do some things. It creates a character space, and it creates expectations of affect and performance within that space. Ash and other characters show up as well, but because they get to interact with this already-defined space, you get treated to this really lovely kind of resonance. Would Ash call Jessie ‘dad’? Maybe, to bug her. He was good at being a twerp. Wasn’t he? I mean I remember it that way, he seems to work out that way, but… how would I know?

I know more of this AU where Jessie is studying to be a Pokemon Doctor and Ash wears glasses than I do of the source material any more. And if you’re wondering ‘hey, do Jessie and Delia ever meet in the source material?’ Like, yeah, for a few seconds. What, the point is creating something new.

If you want to check out Hanamusa stuff and read the comics, I recommend going and clicking on the hashtag on tumblr.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Anime #Media

[yuri-is-online]

Been brainrotting lately and now I present to you what I think is an underused story beat for Yuu. What if “Yuu” isn’t even the prefect’s real name?

Considering that Yuu’s first experience in Twisted Wonderland is waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes… I just think most people would not give their real name in such a sketchy situation.

Fast forward to when Yuu is more comfortable with the cast and there is both comedy and angst potential here. On one hand, the reactions to the deception could be pretty funny. (Cue a “woe is me” from Crowley. Of course he can’t find a way home for you when he doesn’t have your real name!) On the other, this could be a great way of exploring the prefect having a crisis. Yuu already lost so much in being taken to Twisted Wonderland, and now in a way even the prefect’s name has been taken.

What do you think?

waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes…

Annon, annon, annon, when you put it like that it sounds like Yuu woke up in the middle of a cult ritual of some sort. Which I suppose if you were an edgy Night Raven student idia you might argue that the enrollment ceremony totally is as an excuse not to go

But to be more serious, I have seen a few memes about this concept and I like it a lot σ(￣、￣=) It's a fun character concept, it's not everyday you get a chance to re-invent yourself completely.

That being said, just based off of the few dialogue options Yuu has at the start, I think Yuu is implied to believe that they are dreaming:

Which honestly doesn't make this idea any less valid. If you're dreaming about waking up in the middle of some weird necromancer's rite, why not give him a fake name? It's not meant to be serious anyway. Just go with the flow and hope things don't get too weird (and get offended when your dream doesn't give you magic powers) until it's too late and you realize everyone thinks your name really is that bad joke you made.

If you want to get darker, maybe Yuu really did think they died. A black carriage pulling a coffin really only goes to a funeral, and death has been depicted as an unmanned coach with black horses. Maybe Yuu is only just coming to grips with the fact that they really are alive when they see Riddle overblot and he hurts them. Maybe they now are sitting next to two people who have started to think about them as a friend, a really close one. Maybe they think Yuu is really brave because they charged headlong into danger without a second thought, and won, twice now. Maybe Yuu cries themselves to sleep that night because in a way... you died so yuu could live.

As for reactions, Crowley and the other staff members I think would be the most dramatic, followed by Adeuce and Grim. Jack I can see accepting your reasons and not thinking too hard about it, maybe even respecting your survival instincts, while Epel... well he says he's mad but mostly he's just concerned. He knows what it feels like to have two dueling parts of yourself and trying to find the middle ground. Ortho would be excited, you have a secret identity just like a magical girl/super sentai/anime idol/superhero take your pick really. He certainly doesn't mind getting to know you all over again.

Sebek screams at you for being a threat to Wakasama but it's clear to everyone who actually knows him that he's really just worried about the amount of stress you put on yourself. He would hate for you to have the same issues with self loathing he does. And Malleus? Well he lied to you about who he was because he was worried you would be afraid, even though you didn't know he existed. It would be very petty for him to hold a grudge against you for doing the same.

In general I think this would be something the others would have an easier time understanding as opposed to Yuu's sense of alienation or loneliness at not having magic. Identity issues are common themes in fiction, so I could see them actually seeing it as a problem as opposed to an abstract problem like no government papers (since these kids with one obvious exception don't do taxes.) But it would make for a great way to explore the prefect having a crisis just as you say, in a way it's the perfect example for every problem they might have with being in Twisted Wonderland.

[stingrae-gayy]

I think what makes Goncharov so compelling is that it combines some of what I like to call Tumblr's Greatest Hits.

1. Fandoms overanalyzing properties in ways the creators never intended or could even comprehend. (See: miles long meta posts, Cas is Lamp, homoerotic angst read into action/comedy content like Pacific Rim or the MCU)

2. inventing something extra-canonical and acting like it is an actual part of canon. (See: Glup Shitto, TAZ Grad's Bingus debacle, BBC Sherlock's Sebastian Moran as played by Michael Fassbender)

3. the ages old tumblr experience of only learning about a property via gifsets and fandom textposts that end up on your dashboard (See: people thinking Destiel was another angel, thinking Destiel was canon ages ago, knowing inside jokes for fandoms despite never watching whatever the fandom is based around)

And lastly,

4. Making fun of non-tumblr users by way of making fun of tumblr users (See: simply saying things like Horse Plinko Eeby Deeby Blorbo lil meow meow Super Hell)

All of these have combined into a mass hallucination of a film that has not ever existed and yet has a cast, plot, director, release date, narrative themes, subtext, ships, fan theories, etc. This shit is incredible

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Sukuna, funny, "You seem really thirsty, have you considered drinking water?"🌶️please🫶

Oh man, idk why but I really struggled with this one! I think it's cause I always get in my head and worry that you guys won't vibe with my comedy?? I don't know. BUT in the end, I'm happy with the result!

Now Presenting...

Starring: Ryomen Sukuna, and a reader that just wants to know peace

Sukuna leaned back in the natural hot springs, closing his eyes and letting the warm water relax his sore muscles. He hated it here. The hot water made the oppressive, muggy summer air even more suffocating, and the open nature of the hot springs left him vulnerable to attack. But supposedly, emphasis on supposedly, the water had a healing property. It was supposed to mend his wounds, give him more energy, a longer life, amazing head, or some shit like that. This water was supposed to be God's gift to man according to the village's religious radicals, but so far the only thing it was giving Sukuna was heat stroke. 

"Oh, I'm sorry My Lord, I didn't think you'd be here," a familiar voice said. Sukuna slowly opened his eyes and let a grin slip. Before him stood his favorite concubine. Maybe this spring could do good on one of its promises after all. "May I join you?" You asked.

"You may." Ryomen said, his eyes burning into you as you dropped your robe. Sukuna had seen your naked form countless times before, and every time excited him more than the last. You were beautiful, more breathtaking than any mere mortal had any right to be. And you were all his. Who wouldn't be excited about that? He watched your every movement like a hawk: the way you slowly lowered yourself into the water, how your chest puffed out when you went to stretch your shoulders, and the glimmer in your eye when you caught him staring. 

"Enjoying the show?" You asked. 

"Isn't that joke a little over done?" He asked back, tilting his head like a lost puppy. You couldn’t help but giggle. 

"Ok, fine then, be like that. I just won't banter with you anymore" you shrugged, playfully sticking your tongue out at him 

"You should put that tongue back in your mouth before I give you something to do with it." Sukuna warned, raising an eyebrow to prove the point. 

"I can't tell if that's a threat or an invention to be honest," you confessed, throwing his expression back at him. He shrugged in return. 

"I'm waiting to find out which one it is myself." He admitted

"Well keep waiting." You scoffed, "I'm here to get clean, not harassed by a pervert."

"Why not do both?" 

"Because I get enough of the latter at the temple I live at. The lord of the place is obsessed with me," you faux bragged, "every time he sees me he has to put his hands on me in some way, or his cock inside me."

"He sounds like a great guy." Sukuna grinned, "he has great taste in women, I bet he's smart too. And handsome and-"

"Deeply annoying." You cut him off before he could get too full of himself. "He's an arrogant bastard with zero control of his temper. Honestly, I'm shocked he hasn't killed me yet." To be fair, Sukuna was shocked he hadn't killed you yet too. He'd thought about it, countless times. Hell, he was thinking about it right now. But, something about you was too endearing to him for him to actually go through with the act.

“With a mouth like that, I’m shocked too. You must be a phenomenal lay.” In theory, that was Sukuna dolling out one of his rare compliments, though, the tone of voice had the edge of an insult to it. Not being really sure how to respond, you focused on your original goal: bathing and relaxing. You cupped your hands under the water, bringing it up and letting it flow over your head and limbs. You could feel scarlet eyes studying your body as you did so, watching the way spring trickled down the curves of your body. You looked over at the king of curses, and was positive that this is what a mouse felt like once an owl decided it was for dinner.

“You look thirsty!” You said, trying to take your nerve back, “Have you considered drinking any water?”

“No actually, I haven’t.” Sukuna said, swimming over to you. He brushed a lock of your wet hair behind your ear, sending cool shivers down your spine, “It’s a good idea though.”

“Thanks, I thought of it all by myself.” you beamed. He couldn’t help but smirk back as he took your hips in his hands, pulling you closer to him.

“Did you now?” he hummed, “Well in that case, I have to try it.” He picked you up under the water and rested you on his hips, prompting you to wrap your legs around him. You already weighed next to nothing to him, but thanks to the water you might as well have been made of air. His lips found your collar bone. He ran his tongue up your neck, lapping up the water that was dripping down it.

Which…was quite frankly unsanitary as hell, and definitely not recommended. But I mean, He was a curse so, what did he have to fear from doing that? Dying? Hardly. And besides, the little sounds you made as he left his mark on you made it worth it. You felt his teeth dig into you, right where your jaw met your neck, and felt the subsequent bruise bloom there. You tangled your fingers into his fluffy pink hair, tugging softly as you happily accepted his affections. He moved the two of you to the edge of the water, and laid you down on the bank, spreading your legs nice and pretty for him.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve been alone, “ Sukuna noted, placing a villainously gentle kiss to the inside of your thigh.

“I mean, we're technically not alone now,” You reminded him, never having been one to hold your tongue, “Anyone could walk up on us at any moment.”

“Good.” Sukuna chuckled, “I hope they do.” Before you could say anything smart, Ryomen ran his tongue along your slit and to your clit, sucking sharply at the bundle of nerves. You yelped in response, both hands finding his hair again as pleasure coursed through you. His mouth sent electric ripples of pleasure through you, turning you into putty in his hands. 

“Fu-fuck me..” You muttered softly, only for annoyance to fill you as he removed his head from in between your thighs. 

“Really, that fast?” He asked, attempting to move up your body. Key word, attempting as you very quickly pushed him back down.

“Oh no, you’re not done down there yet.”

“But you said-!”

“Get to work!” you demanded. Ryomen rolled his eyes, trying to hide his chuckle as he resettled in between your legs. Any other woman would have been slaughtered for such disrespect, but you knew you were special; and you had no intention of using that power for good. Ryomen worked quicker this time, licking his initials into your clit while two of his long fingers slipped inside you, quickly finding your g-spot. Molten heat pooled in your stomach with every movement from him, building up into an inferno of bliss and desire. 

“Fuck Ryo-!” You tried to warn him, but pleasure overtook you before you could, a volcano erupting inside of you spreading hellfire and ecstasy through every corner of your body. Your legs clamped down around Ryomens head, locking him in place. Not that he was complaining, he gladly ate you out though your climax, feeling the way your thighs trembled around his temples. You gushed into his mouth, filling his senses with nothing but you. Yea, he couldn't really breath super well, but that was fine with him. Really, what better way to die than in between the legs of a beautiful woman?

Before he could make peace with whatever higher power he was about to meet though, your legs went limp. Jagged breaths raked through your body, leaving you shaking like a leaf. You looked adorable like that, vulnerable and dazed from pleasure. He pulled you back into the water with him, bracing you on his hips. 

“Feel good, slut?” He asked, already positioning you over his cock. 

“So good..” You muttered, bracing yourself for what you knew was next, “You did a good job, like eight outta ten.”

“Well, you- wait, only eight?!” He was so genuinely offended by the number you had to laugh at him.

“That’s what I said,” You shrugged, “You’ve done better.”

“I’ll show you better,” He growled, lowering you into his thick cock. Your body tensed at the feeling, and the tight sound you let out was a little more than embarrassing. “Let's go for a perfect score this time.” He chuckled. You dug your nails deep into his shoulders as he nestled himself inside of you, stretching you to your very brink. No matter how many times you took Sukuna, it always felt like the first, and it always made you feel dizzy with pleasure. 

“You feel so fucking good,” He groaned, bucking his hips up into you, perfectly stroking your g-spot, “It’s almost like you were made to be my cocksleeve.” he set a punishing pace, using the water to help bounce you on him. It reawakened your previously fried nerves, making you feel alive with electricity. A coil started to quickly form in your stomach, your overly sensitive body treating every tingle it felt like an explosion. You moaned out his name. Or at least you were pretty sure you did. Honestly, your senses were kinda hazy right now, the only thing that felt real was the cock absolutely punishing your insides.

“You were a lot of talk before slut, what happened?” Sukuna mocked, “What happened? Nothing left to say.”

“Fuck you.” You moaned out.

“You are.” Sukuna noted. He could feel his own climax coming on fast. You were warm, and the way your cunt pulled him in made him feel feral. He had to do something quick, because he’d be damned if he came before you did. You screamed as you felt a warm tongue lap at your clit, the new stimulation sending you into overdrive. You looked down into the clear water to see he opened another mouth. It was an obscene display. 

“Enjoying the show?” Sukuna laughed. You growled as you bit down on his neck, which only added fuel to his fire. 

“You're gonna have to bite harder than that to leave a mark Y/n.” he said, punctuated with a particularly rough thrust. It sent you overboard, spiraling head first into bliss. Your head felt like it was filled with cotton and your blood felt like it was made of smoke. You felt light as wave after wave of euphoria overtook you, pulling you under the sea of endorphins.

Sukuna wasn’t far behind. The clenching of your cunt coupled with the way your teeth sank into him brought him over, cumming deep inside of you. He fucked you through both of your highs, drawing your pleasure out for every seconds he could. In the aftermath he leaned against the bank of the spring, holding you close to his chest while you regained the strength to walk back to the temple. 

“So how was that?” Suluna asked, running his claws through your hair. You laughed a bit and nodded.

“Nine out of ten.”

“Nine?!”