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apuckishwit · 1 year

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With a Capital P

Saw this post about Stobin having no boundaries, by @grimmfitzz and oops, my hand slipped.

By all rights, there should be some awkwardness. A little lingering strangeness, an adjustment period, if you will. After all, only a few days ago, he fully thought he had feelings for Robin. Well, obviously he does have feelings for her...but he'd thought they were entirely different than the ones he has.

He's maybe a little more concussed than he'd convinced the paramedics he was. To be fair, they had a lot going on.

The point is, he feels like there should be more weirdness. A time period in which he awkwardly shuffles Robin from a box marked 'possible girlfriend?' to the one marked just 'friend'--the one Tommy and Carol used to occupy before things went so sideways (though he's still too afraid to really examine the spaces those two left, too afraid it'll just confirm that he wasted so much time with people who were never his friends at all). Maybe even slot her into the box he's slowly constructing for the kids...something not quite labeled 'friend' and not quite labeled 'family' and quickly coming to take up the biggest chunk of his battered, lonely heart (oh, wow, yeah...definitely more concussed than he let on).

Turns out, though, that being drugged and tortured together, and then launching an assault on a gigantic flesh beast from another dimension with nothing but fireworks and nerve lets you skip over a lot of the beginning phases of a relationship (romantic or otherwise). Also turns out there's a secret, fourth box he didn't even know about. One that's just marked 'Robin' that he has apparently been just waiting for her to come along and fill.

Robin ends up spending most of the rest of the summer at Steve's house, more often than not. He doesn't know what she tells her parents. Doesn't particularly care. He's always had a weird relationship with parental care and authority, so he's not sure he's really in a position to have an opinion about if Robin is lying to her parents about where she is, or if they don't care that she's hanging out at his place so much.

They spend days abusing the central air, or watching movies they swipe from Family Video, or eating snacks out by the pool (he tells her she's welcome to swim, she notes that he never gets in the water himself and doesn't ask questions...but also doesn't move from his side). At first, he makes up a guest room for her when she spends the night, but after the fourth or fifth time one (or both) of them wake up screaming (goddamn, goddamn, goddamn it, he'd just gotten a handle on the nightmares about impossible creatures bursting from the wall, now he gets new material to deal with?) Robin just groans and collapses onto Steve's bed, burrowing under his blankets with him.

"Your room is hideous," she grumbles, grabbing one of his hands and bringing their joined fingers to rest in the small space between their bodies.

"I know," he shrugs. He squeezes her hand. She squeezes back. He listens to her breaths in the dark, feels the warmth radiating off of her. It's comforting. Grounding. He's not alone. Whatever terrors the night brings for them, they'll face it together.

He wakes up hours later, sunlight streaming into his room and the beautiful girl he'd thought he was falling for snuggled right up against his side, the two of them having moved in the night. It should be the stuff of adolescent fantasies but all he feels is a distant sort of confusion that they actually slept so long. Robin's face is smashed into his shoulder and he realizes he's been drooling into her hair, and the first thing she does when she wakes up is shriek about it.

"Ewww, gross! Seriously?!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"Spit, Steve! My hair is covered in your spit!"

"Well I'm pretty sure this giant booger on my shirt isn't mine, Buckley!"

"Are you accusing me of--oh, wow that is big." Robin starts rubbing at her nose as she stalks into the bathroom and the shower starts running a moment later. He opens the door long enough to toss a clean towel onto the sink and then wanders down to the kitchen to start coffee.

She makes fun of his bedhead when she comes down the stairs, he goggles at the amount of milk and sugar she puts in her coffee. And he never makes up the guest room for her again.

"I am telling you, Johnson is trying to kill us with his exams! It's barely October and we've already had three!" Robin stabs angrily at the chicken cutlets in the pan with her fork, holding one up so Steve can see how brown it is on one side. At his nod, she starts flipping them over. She ducks her head without looking when he reaches over her to snag the basil out of the spice cabinet, still stirring the tomato sauce with his free hand.

"Yeah, Johnson's a dick. Glad I'm done with his class for good." He dips the spoon out of the sauce and blows on it for a moment before tasting, then holds the spoon out for Robin to lick the rest of it off.

"Mmm, more red pepper. And I know! You're so lucky. How did you even pass? Cheryl Mackey was crying in the band room after she got her test back, and she's like, straight a student all the way." Robin finishes flipping the chicken and goes back to chopping carrots for their salad.

"Oh, Robert O'Connell--the guy that works down at the Snack n' Go?--he saved all his tests from when he had Johnson a few years ago. Johnson never writes new ones. You give Robert 20 bucks, you can get any of the answer keys."

Robin sets the knife down and reaches into Steve's back pocket, pulling his wallet out. "Couldn't have told me this earlier?" she grouses, yanking two tens out and shoving the wallet back in his pocket.

"Hey, that's my gas money for the week!" He grabs the pot with the noodles off the stove and takes it to the colander waiting in the sink, sticking his ass out expectantly.

"You look like a hooker trying to pick up johns."

"Well give me at least half my gas money back so I don't have to sell my body to drive you and Henderson to school this week."

"Ugh, fine." She grabs his wallet again and stuffs one of the tens back into it. Then winds up one of his dish towels and smacks his rear end hard enough that he jumps about a foot in the air.

He dumps the drained noodles back into the pot and turns around to bring it back to the stove only to find that Robin is right behind him with the pot of sauce, apparently having been bringing it over to the sink. They collide, hard, and Robin screams bloody murder as hot spaghetti sauce gets dumped all down her front.

"Hot, hot, hot, fuck, hot!"

"Shit, hold on!" He all but tosses the pot of noodles back into the sink and snatches the sauce pot out of her hands. As soon as he does she's whipping off her shirt and grabbing the dish towel she hit him with, wiping off the smears of sauce that got onto her arms. "Did it burn you?" he asks, searching her torso for blisters, even though he knows at the back of his mind that the sauce was only on a simmer.

"No...no, I think I'm good. Damn, I liked that shirt, though." She straightens, glaring down at the sauce pot he slammed onto the counter.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

He holds his tongue for approximately zero point three seconds.

"Okay, then can we talk about this whole situation, cause I feel like I just got a major piece of the puzzle of why you don't have a girlfriend, yet. What the hell are you wearing?"

Robin's bra is so faded it's unclear what color it was originally, two large tears right above the elastic band.

Robin looks almost comically offended. "Excuse me? I'm sorry, are you commenting on my very comfortable and perfectly functional underwear?"

"Functional, yeah, if the function is 'never get laid ever'."

Robin crosses over to the doorway that leads to the laundry room. "We can't all exclusively wear Calvin Klein, Harrington!"

"How do you know what underwear I wear?"

"Am I wrong? Also, Jesus Christ do you own any normal shirts?"

"What's wrong with my shirts now? Hey, I'm not taking fashion advice from a girl in a, a grandma bra!"

"Hey!" She steps back out of the laundry room, wearing one of his old basketball team shirts.

They keep bickering back and forth as Steve tries to salvage dinner, eventually ending up just sitting on his kitchen counter dipping pieces of breaded chicken into the remains of the pasta sauce in the pot, having decided they really didn't want to eat spaghetti that had to be fished out of the sink.

"I'm not buying a bunch of frilly, sparkly lace just to wear under my clothes," Robin informs him. "That shit itches."

"Not saying you have to, but at least get something that doesn't look like it came out of the bottom of my gym bag."

"Eww, don't talk about your gym bag while I'm eating!"

It is a slow day in Family Video, and Robin has been casting him strangely intense looks since she came on shift. He restocks the shelves, picks through the candy to take home the almost expired shit to give to the kids, and is halfway through the rewinding before it finally gets to him.

"What?!" he demands. Robin blinks at him, immediately shrugging. A little too fast, actually.

"What, what?" she asks. He narrows his eyes at her and she ducks her head, pretending to find her biology textbook extremely interesting. He knows she's pretending because she hates biology. They're making her dissect a frog this quarter. After a few seconds, she slams the book shut and straightens up, determined look settling on her face.

Steve has just enough time to get a little nervous before she says, "How do you do the tongue thing?"

He blinks at her. "Uh...can you be more specific?"

She rolls her eyes. "You know...the thing! The thing with your tongue."

"I promise you, I do not know. What're you talking about?"

She looks around the store, as if some customers that they somehow haven't noticed in the last three hours might suddenly appear. Then she lowers her voice. "Like, sex things. With your tongue." She huffs a frustrated sigh. "They had to combine gym periods today 'cause Mrs. Hornby had to sub for Janson's history class, and Maryanne Greene was talking about how her boyfriend wouldn't go down on her and then Sue Rennet--you remember Sue? Apparently you dated her for, like, two weeks at the end of her Sophomore year--started talking about you and how you used to do that to her and it's the best sex she's ever had."

And oh...okay, he remembers Sue. Nice girl, a little ditzy, but she hadn't wanted to get more serious, and then Nancy had caught his eye. He can't help but puff up a little. Sure, Hawkins isn't exactly a big city overrun with choices, and judging by the talk he remembers from his own locker room days, he's a little bit of an outlier as far as being concerned with making sure his partners are having as good a time as he is...but to be called the best someone has ever had is nice.

"Don't let it go to your head," Robin says, because she can read his mind quite a lot of the time. "Just...tongue thing. You know, in case I ever do get a shot with, literally anyone."

He softens at that, reaches across the counter to ruffle her hair because it annoys her as much as it annoys him when someone does that. "You will," he says softly, and thinks that he would give almost anything, would probably happily trade any shot at happiness for himself if he could make sure Robin had someone to love her the way she deserves to be loved. He grabs one of her school notebooks and tears a sheet out, grabbing a pen out of the cup beside the computer.

"Okay, so, first things first, you can't just dive right in--gotta get the motor warmed up a little first--"

"Please don't talk in car analogies the whole time," Robin says, leaning in as he draws a crude (heh, see what he did there?) sketch of what he's going to be talking about.

"Noted. So what you're gonna do is start with a little massage around this area," he points with the end of the pen, "really take your time, get things nice and slick..."

He talks, Robin listening intently and occasionally asking questions.

"No you don't--flutter your tongue, flutter it. Here, like this..."

"Okay, vibration is good, but you're not, like, trying to blow a raspberry on her clit--"

"I said flutter!"

And that is how Lucas and Dustin find them about forty minutes later: Steve with his mouth held open wide, demonstrating what he means by fluttering his tongue while Robin stares at it like it holds the secrets of the universe, pen in hand as she takes furious notes.

In retrospect, he supposes he should be grateful that Lucas didn't immediately join Dustin on the 'Steve and Robin are totally dating' train.

"Shit! Steve! Wake up, it's Wednesday!"

Steve's eyes shoot open and he's vertical before he's fully awake, reaching for the nailbat propped up by his bedside table, but it's not there. It's...his bedside table isn't there either.

What the fuck, where's his bed?

"Steve!" Robin shouts, and he blinks rapidly, his surroundings resolving themselves into his...living room?

"What...Rob, what the hell? You're on winter break! You don't have school today?"

Ugh, why does his mouth taste like something died? He looks around the room, at the piles of dusty boxes that look like they came from...

Oh.

Oh yeah.

He and Robin had spent yesterday dragging the Harrington family Christmas decorations down from the attic because Robin said his house looked like a sad capitalism museum and she refused to spend the holidays in a place that didn't have a single Christmas light up. And then they'd found Steve's grandmother's recipe for homemade eggnog. And he'd maybe experimented a little bit with the liquor ratios...they must have fallen asleep on the couch.

"We don't have school but we both promised Keith we'd open all this week!" Robin shouts.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

They're still dressed in their clothes from yesterday. And they smell like a goddamn distillery. Without thinking about it, he grabs her hand and starts hauling her upstairs. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Fuck, shit, fuck!" she agrees as they rocket into the bathroom. Steve starts the water while Robin yanks clean towels out of the linen closet. "Do you have pants I can wear?" she asks, tossing the towels onto the sink and stripping out of her shirt.

"Yeah, I've got those jeans from, like, three years ago. Those fit you pretty well, right?" He tosses his own jeans and boxers towards the laundry hamper, followed by his shirt, and jumps into the shower, adjusting the temperature hotter than he likes it, because Robin's a weirdo who likes to boil herself in the mornings.

"Good enough!" Robin leaps in after him and they squeeze under the spray just long enough to get hair and body wet before separating somewhat so Robin can start scrubbing herself and he can get started on his hair. "Why didn't you set an alarm?"

"Me? Why didn't you set an alarm? You're the one who wanted to take the shifts!"

"Like you're gonna turn down holiday pay."

"It's Keith! Holiday pay probably means a buy one get one coupon to Pizza World up the highway!" He sticks his head under the water again to rinse his hair out and they switch places.

"Are you saying you wouldn't take a buy one get one coupon to Pizza World?"

"I mean...no?"

They switch places again so that Steve can rinse the soap off his body and then it's a race to get dried off, teeth brushed, dressed, and out to the car so they can get to the store in time. It's only as they are piling out of the BMW in front of Family Video that it seems to occur to them both at the same time what they just did. They both pause, mid-step and turn to each other wide-eyed.

"Huh," Steve says quietly.

"Yeah," Robin answers.

Then they shrug and continue towards the store entrance, making it in with exactly three and a half minutes to spare.

"Steve I really think if you're worried about this, you should be talking to a doctor, not me," Robin says, peering at a medical journal she checked out from the library spread out over her lap. "Has it changed color or shape recently?"

"I don't know, maybe? I've got so many moles, it's hard to keep track."

"Any pain or tenderness?" She reaches out and taps his hip so that he turns a little more towards the light cast by her desk lamp.

"No, definitely not. I was just having, you know, private time in the shower and it looked weird to me when I looked down."

Robin hums thoughtfully and pokes at the weird-looking mole on Steve's groin. "I mean, it doesn't look like any of these pictures of bad moles, but if you think it looks different to how it used to, you should probably get it check out regardless."

"Damn it, I was afraid you'd say that," he sighs. She shuts the medical journal and props her chin on one hand as he pulls his pants back up.

"Should I call and make the appointment?"

He huffs and flops back down onto her bed. "Yes please," he grumbles. He never remembers to write down all the appointment details.

"You want me to book something over spring break so I can go with you?"

"Nah, just whatever's available soonest. I'd rather not sit around and stress about it."

It turns out to be nothing to worry about. But three weeks later, Dustin and Max come bursting into Family Video while he and Robin are watching a new report about a brutal murder, and Steve is wishing all he had to stress about was a maybe-weird mole on his dick.

It's not like no one was aware that Steve and Robin were...perhaps unusually close friends. It was just never much of an issue (except to Dustin, who was obsessed with the idea of the two of them getting together) before the events of the spring of '86 and after...

Well.

Who cared how weirdly codependent Steve and Robin were when Max and Eddie had nearly died and the Upside Down was bursting up into the real Hawkins? Honestly, if that was the weirdest thing about them after all they've been through, he'd count that pretty lucky.

After everything, though--after they put Vecna/Henry Creel/One/Whatever in the fucking ground, after they do what Steve was beginning to think was impossible and seal the Upside Down away from them forever, after Max is as recovered as she's ever going to be (she's probably never going to be able to get a driver's license even with glasses, and her doctors tell them the leg braces and crutches might have to be permanent, but she's alive...she's alive, she's alive, she's alive), after Robin finally feels safe enough to come out to the group at large, after Steve spends an entire week holed up in his room screaming into his pillow while Robin patted his back consolingly before marching down to Eddie's new (government-funded) trailer and announcing that it turns out he likes both and would Eddie please go on a date with him...

He thinks maybe Eddie didn't quite understand what he was getting into when he agreed almost before Steve was done asking him out.

"Uh...hey guys," Eddie says slowly, taking in the picture he and Robin present in Steve's kitchen. There's a bag of cucumbers, a few eggplants, and several bananas spread out on the island in front of them. Robin has a tape measure and a homemade pamphlet acquired from a very exclusive shop they traveled to Indianapolis to visit last weekend. Steve is holding up two of the cucumbers for comparison. "What's, uh, what's going on here?"

Steve and Robin exchange a look. Then Steve jumps up and snatches the tape measure out of her hands. "Perfect! Here, Eds, lemme measure you." He reaches for Eddie's belt, only to freeze with a look of annoyance when his boyfriend jumps back with a yelp.

"Whoa! Whoa, hey, baby, I have no idea what you're talking about and also Robbie's right there!"

"What? Oh it's fine, Rob and I have seen each other naked plenty of times."

"Ask me about the time we accidentally showered together," Robin pipes up with a grin.

"Wait, no...wait, what? How do you accidentally shower together?" Eddie asks incredulously. Then he shakes his head. "Wait, no! No, not important. Robin has never seen me naked, and I am not whipping my dick out in front of your best friend so you can measure it! And why do you want to measure it?"

"Well I was trying to just guesstimate how big you are," Steve says, gesturing to the array of produce on the island, "but it'll be easier if I can just get the numbers from the source."

"Why do you need exact measurements of my dick?!" Eddie's eyes have gone wide as dinner plates, his voice reaching an octave usually reserved for his female NPC's in his nerd game. Steve huffs.

"Babe, you said you want to fuck me, but like, all these guides say we should work up to it." He jerks a thumb back over his shoulder at the pamphlet that Robin is now helpfully holding up. "So I'm gonna figure out exactly how big you are, and then Rob and I are gonna go up to this shop we found in Indy and get some of these toys. It's supposed to help me get used to things being, you know, up there."

Robin nods seriously.

Eddie looks at him. Looks at Robin. Looks back at him.

Steve has never seen someone look touched and horrified at the same time. Eddie rakes a hand back through his hair and sighs.

"What...what measurements do you need, exactly?"

#stranger things #stranger things fic #steve harrington #robin buckley #platonic with a capital p #platonic soulmates stobin #eddie munson #steddie #at the end though this is definitely focused on Steve and Robin's friendship #background steddie #my writing

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intimidating-fettuccine · 8 months

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Can we please get a scenario to how the main three proxies (Masky/Tim, Hoodie/Brian, and Toby) act if they have an anxiety or panic attack? I just want to see your thought on them, because I’ve noticed many people act entirely different, and I find it interesting.

I didn't include Masky/Hoodie specifically because I really don't think either of them have panic attacks, but the other three are here. Sometimes I include the two of them in these sorts of things but they don't fit here for me.

Also, I included if they do or don't have a s/o in this as well. One of the boys ended up being a lot like me in terms of symptoms and only I know which one.

Tim:

Tim doesn't often get panic attacks, I think honestly in the mansion he gets them the least amount of anyone. I think Tim can mostly fly under the radar with his panic attacks unless it's a really bad one. He'll get sweaty, shaky hands, tremble a bit, but he can usually get control over himself and he'll just excuse himself to the bathroom for a moment so he can catch his breath and shake off whatever's got him so panicked. However, if it's a much larger panic attack, things are different for Tim. Usually, these panic attacks occur because of stress from their job, or because of Tim having to deal with Masky being inside of him. Tim gets hit pretty hard; sense of doom, chest pain, dizziness, nausea, detachment, shortness of breath, and shaking.

Tim gets incredibly scared during these times, as though he's fully shutting down, and he tends to try to run away and hide from people, sometimes collapsing where he is on the way to do so. If he has you, you're the person he immediately tries to find in times like this, all but crumbling into your arms, into his safety net. He calms down much easier in your presence, clinging onto you in ways only you've seen, apologizing and crying, weeping because he feels so guilty in his anxiety for letting his fears get to him, and only your calming words and gentle touch are able to relax him. If he doesn't have you, he tries with all his might to get to his bedroom, to be alone. He'll stay in there, isolated from everyone else as he spends what could be minutes or hours trying to calm himself down, as not even Brian is allowed to see him like this.

Brian:

Brian I think is second after Tim in terms of least likely to have a panic attack, as I think Brian tends to be good at managing his stress and anxiety, but I think his anxiety actually gets to him more often than it does Tim. I think Brian's panic attacks tend to escalate to the same level each time because when he realizes he's going to have one it causes his fear and anxiety to greatly spiral. It starts with hot flashes for Brian, sweatiness, and headaches. After that, he starts to realize what's happening, and he starts to get shaky and his voice starts to tremble, and he'll try and excuse himself from whatever he's doing. If he has you, he'll have you try and help him upstairs so he doesn't have to be alone because he hates being alone during a panic attack.

He'll curl into you, hugging you and trying to do breathing exercises with you to calm down before the brunt of it hits him. He'll start to get nauseous, choking on his breath and swaying back and forth in dizziness, so he often likes to lay down beside you. He often breaks down in tears, clinging to you because he feels terrified that something is really wrong with him, and he gets an impending feeling that he's going to die, that he's going to disappear. His panic attacks are very scary for him. If he doesn't have you, he'll go through a similar process with Tim or Slender, one of them being the one to keep him company, although Brian will instead be laying down under a blanket, curled up and hugging a pillow as he tries to calm himself while they comforting rub his back and assure him he'll be okay, that he can get through this, but it usually takes him about an hour to get through one.

Toby:

Toby, on the other hand, has panic attacks on a very regular basis because of his trauma and the very high level of stress and anxiety that I think he feels on a very regular basis. I'd say Toby has a panic attack at least once or twice a week, but some weeks he could be having them every other day when he's going through a very rough patch, although Toby's panic attacks can tend to vary on how they show up for him. Sometimes he feels physically sick, he'll have nausea, and dizziness, and have an extremely rapidly pounding heart rate, with sweat coating his body, breaking down in tears, and unable to stop crying. Sometimes he has an extreme sense of fear, with the impending doom that he's going to lose control of his life, that his dad will come back and take him away, that he's going to die, that he's going to lose control of his life, and he'll start shaking incredibly bad, almost unable to walk, unable to breathe properly and dizziness overtaking him as he finds himself nearly paralyzed and unable to move.

Sometimes he finds himself growing silent, unable to communicate, his vision blurry, his mind in a sense of detachment so strong he can't even tell he's conscious anymore, his body swaying back and forth, his breathing slowed and shallow, a numb sense of fear humming inside of him. If he has you by his side during any of these, he tends to cling to you, silently asking you not to leave him alone. He won't be talkative at all, in fact, other than his iron grip on you he might seem as though he's avoidant and doesn't want you there, but he's just lost in the confusion of it and unable to communicate what he wants. He just knows that he trusts you, and he wants you to remain by his side so he can have a glimpse of feeling safe. If he doesn't have you, he tends to isolate himself and go through them alone, although sometimes he might prefer to have Slender by his side, comforting him and just being around him so he can know he's not alone or in danger anymore.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #slender mansion mayhem #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby headcanon #ticci toby x reader #tim wright x reader #tim wright headcanons #tim wright #tim wright headcanon #brian thomas #brian thomas headcanons #brian thomas x reader

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luvbugs-blog · 2 years

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one bed? - featuring the aot boys

today, we have: jean, bertholdt, and reiner

in which: there's only one bed? lmao have fun! note that in reiner's part, you are a warrior that escaped back to marley with reiner after the shiganshina arc.

warnings: none. i have extreme paranoia when it comes to me writing smut, so you will not see some from me until i get better (i am literally touch-starved, so i feel like anything i write will be cringe)!

author's note: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what to write next. i'm literally out of ideas. either in the comments, or in my messages. i will appreciate ANYTHING.

jean

"alright everyone," hange says, "go to your respective rooms. we'll meet back up in the morning and explore some more!" she turns to leave with onyankopon and levi who were staying in a nearby hotel as to not draw too much attention.

you look around for jean, sasha, and connie who were also staying in this hotel with you. as soon as you went to grab sasha to room with, connie swooped in, and the two were so excited that they were going to have a "sleepover". you heave a small sigh.

"don't sound too disappointed." jean says, giving you a small smile. "sad you're stuck with me tonight?"

"never." you say, bumping your shoulder with his. "it will just be much harder to keep an eye on those two." jean's smile slowly slides off his face.

"oh yeah." not much you can do about it now. you grab jean's hand and pull him to go find your room.

"this is actually so interesting, being in marley. i can't believe they have actual cars!" you say excitedly, smiling while looking out the window. you couldn't believe how advanced this place is.

"you sound like hange now! keep it down before your dumbass gets us caught." you give jean a little smack.

"oh shut up." the two of you finally reach the room, and as jean opens the door, he stops halfway into the room.

"hey! get out of my way, horse-face!" jean turns to look at you, his face a little red.

"i think they gave us the wrong room." confused, you look around jean to see there is only one bed in the entire room.

"oh." the thought of spending the night with your best friend in the same bed also made you a little pink. much to your relief, jean didn't see because he was too busy hurrying to use the bathroom. in reality, he was trying to calm himself down, but you didn't know that.

your stomach was swirling as jean finally came out of the bathroom, his face wet, like he had washed it. you had to look away. of course you were nervous. you've had a crush on the man for quite a while now. but you'd rather die than admit that.

an awkward, uncomfortable silence blanketed the room. until jean spoke up. "I honestly think we should just share it. it's pretty big. and we've grown up together. it won't be awkward."

that's a relief. "yeah. as long as your big horse feet won't kick me in the middle of the night."

"hey! my feet are normal shaped!" you giggle, the previous tension gone. "yeah yeah."

the two of you chat a little bit before calling it a night. you tuck yourself under the covers, turning your back to jean. "i hope you don't snore."

"guess you'll find out tonight." the two of you try sleeping, and for a few hours, it was successful. until the room got incredibly cold. you shuffle closer to jean, but it wasn't helping all that much. you turn around, facing jean, who looked fast asleep.

"hey." silence. "hey!" nothing. so you start poking his face, and he flinches. "what?" now you're embarrassed.

"nevermind."

"oh no. you didn’t wake me up for nothing." he pokes your face. "what do you want?"

"can you hold me?"

"what?!"

"i'm cold!"

"oh. alright then, come here."

"really?"

"yes, y/n. now hurry up." so you weasel your way into his arms, sinking into his chest. he is so warm.

and in the morning, when he wakes up before you, he'll let you sleep, with your leg around his waist and his arms around you. maybe he will finally work up the courage to ask you out.

bertholdt

you were shaken. of course you were, you were kidnapped. the last thing you remember is walking away with armin on the wall, and you could faintly hear hange talking to moblit about titans that could dig. but you wake up on a tree, in the forest which was surrounded by titans. you see ymir awake, scowling at two men up on higher trees. is that eren over there? you have to blink because it's so bright, but when it finally comes into focus, you realize it's reiner and bertholdt. oh yeah. the traitors. you start breathing heavily, thinking about how it's your lover up there. ymir tries to calm you down, her eyes wide, but it doesn't work. how could he do this to you. was everything fake? were your friends still alive. why were you here? you start feeling faint, and feel hot tears pooling at your eyes. you faintly hear the screeching of odm gear coming closer, and you hear bertholdt talking to ymir, but it's too late, and you pass out once again.

when you awaken a second time, it's night. you have to adjust your eyes to try to figure out where you are. but all you see are stars. you're on the wall. you feel a hand on your shoulder.

"y/n?" you turn your head without moving your body and see him. bertholdt, who's eyes are red and swollen. you reach your hand up to hold his face but then think better of it. you let your hand fall.

"i'm so sorry. y/n, i'm so sor-"

"bertholdt!" you recognize reiner's voice and lift your body up, with his hand on your back. you shove his hand away, ignoring the hurt look on his face. you see reiner and ymir coming your way. while bertholdt and reiner whisper to each other, ymir comes to check on you.

"are you alright?" you shrug. which earns a sad smirk from ymir. shortly after, bertholdt returns to kneeling next to you, but not saying anything. after a while, you find your voice.

you turn your head to bertholdt and ask, "how did i get here?" he flinches at your strained tone, but softly explains what happened while reiner and ymir set up sleeping bags they found in the district below. you also find out the truth about bertholdt's background. about him being from marley, his mission, why he decided to become a warrior. he explained about his sick father and the oppression he received just because he was eldian.

and suddenly, your heart was conflicted. there was life outside of the walls. but they weren't free. they had the same blood you did, and they were being tortured for it. but they killed so many innocent people from inside the walls. those people didn't know what they were dying for. they didn't deserve to die. you wanted to yell and scream at him, but you also wanted to comfort him. so you cried. you cried and cried and fell into him because you were weak, and despite hating him for all he had done, you loved him. and he held you as you cried, and eventually he started crying with you. so the two of you cried until there were no tears left. in the silence left behind, you whispered to him, "take me with you. take me home with you." too weak to argue, he agreed. he placed a soft kiss on your forehead and wiped away your tears.

"ok."

what felt like hours later, reiner came to drop off the sleeping bag.

"i'm sorry, but we could only find three." while bertholdt starting insisting you take it, you just stand up and take the sleeping back from reiner, giving the man a hug, which surprised him.

"thank you. one is enough. we can share." and so you did.

you held onto his long ass body and just held each other, oozing comfort the both of you needed.

reiner

while porco and pieck were mocking him from behind, you were at his side, giggling at his little pout. you intertwined your arm with his and put your head on his shoulder, causing the two goons to laugh and mock even more. but the two of you didn't care. you guys were considered pretty close before, but after returning from paradise, the two of you were inseparable. the two of you walked along the festival, reiner occasionally having to stop to pay for gabi and the others, but never separating from you.

"oh, reiner!" pieck says, "don't forget about the meeting we have tomorrow." the both of you sigh.

"we haven't forgotten pieck," he replies. you detach yourself from reiner when you see porco beckoning to you. while reiner and pieck chatted, you were able to talk a bit with porco. the two of you wandered for a bit before reiner came to pull you away, looking a bit jealous, which porco wouldn't let him live down.

the two of you follow the children around until they get too tired and full from all the festival food. while reiner is dragging gabi around, the two of you talk about the trek you will have to make for the meeting.

"we should rent a hotel room. that way we won't have to get up too early tomorrow to travel."

"good idea!" so after dropping off the children at their respective homes, the two of you hitch a ride to the hotel nearest to HQ where the meeting was taking place. when the two of you check in, you only ask for one room, but two separate beds.

however, when the two of you went to go to sleep, there was only one bed. although, it didn't bother you two that much, as the two of you often slept over together.

so when it was time for bed, the two of you crawled in together, immediately cuddling together. you lay your head on his chest and he holds you. this was how you often found comfort when the two of you first got back from the island, often crying about bertholdt, annie, and the comrades you considered friends. and the two of you haven't stopped this little routine, even years later.

but this time felt a little different. reiner was holding you more tightly than usual. but you couldn't bring yourself to ask why because you were too tired. as you were falling asleep, you hear him whisper, "I love you." not that you would know this, but he had been telling you this for a long time when you were sleeping. so it quite surprise to him when you opened your eyes and smiled.

"I love you too." you slowly press a kiss to his lips and he graciously returns it.

author's note (again): will there be a part two? idk yet. let me know if y'all want one in the comments section. (and i know you saw my author's note up top. *suspicious side eye* you better tell me what to write next)

913 notes · View notes

autistic-duck · 2 months

Text

It really sucks when you realize that a survivor's mentality is not a sustainable model for working full-time.

I can't go into every day thinking, “Oh, if the bathroom is occupied during lunch then I'll just wait to pee when I get home” because that is survival. I'm just surviving until I can get to a safe time and place. I am literally holding in pee for eight hours straight, feeling more and more pain because I can't figure out a better time to go to the bathroom.

I can't keep doing that.

Every day, it becomes, “If you can just sit still for a couple more hours, you'll get to move a little bit.”

Or, “if you can just hold in the tears until you can sneak into an empty room, you'll be able to make it through the day without anyone knowing you're upset.”

(Click “keep reading” to hear a more detailed explanation)

I started work this week, and I had completely forgotten just how awful it is to try and exist in a way that doesn't seem off-putting (or scary) to other people.

I had to do two eight-hour blocks of time alone away from home, which I hadn't done since high school, and I'm already realizing that my old methods no longer work.

I legitimately can't mask the entire day anymore. I can feel my joints groaning under the stress. My cells are feverish with the desire to stim. My mind is slowly melting under the fluorescent lights. The voices, the droning voices of professionals, buzz in my head and make no sense. I take notes, but the words look like no language I've ever spoken.

I can't keep pretending to understand what's going on.

But I'm also new to telling people that I'm disabled. The only people who know are immediate family and friends and the psychology clinic that diagnosed me. I want to be proud and confident, to just ask for and demand help, but I can't imagine anyone actually believing me. Nobody helps me when I ask for something because they decide it isn't important.

My sensory issues aren't “bad enough.” My social struggles are just “excuses to be rude.” My stimming is “attention seeking.”

Why did I choose education as the field to go into? I'm not cut out for this new “customer service” teacher mentality. I have to have good interactions with everyone all the time? Just so parents want to send their kids to our schools? How is that even possible? I have a hard time smiling at people who are nice to me, so how do you expect me to smile when someone is yelling at me for failing their student because they didn't turn in their work?

The education system is broken, and I'm just one disabled person who is just now realizing that their disability might actually stop them from keeping their dream job.

How do you advocate for yourself when you grew up thinking that self-advocacy was selfish and evil?

I literally just realized that I can't eat food or respond to greetings if I'm stressed. Showering used to make me feel relaxed before bed, and now it's the only thing preventing me from crying right before sleeping.

I want to learn Spanish, write in my journal, cook healthy meals, exercise in the morning, drink plenty of water, sleep comfortably at night, and spend time with friends who don't make me feel guilty for existing. I want to be able to go to the bathroom whenever I need to. Why does that feel impossible now?

If anyone has experience with advocating for a disability, especially high-functioning and heavily masked autism, I'd really like advice. Who do I talk to? What do I ask for? How do I explain my struggles and keep a job?

#autism awareness #actually autistic #autism #high functioning autism #level 1 autism #autism spectrum disorder #actually neurodivergent #autism pride #asd #actuallyautistic #late diagnosed autistic #disability advocacy #disability advice

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bottlesofrouge · 7 months

Text

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part four.

word count: 15K (sorrrry)

warnings: talks of alcohol abuse, minor mentions of homophobia, hinting at a past abusive relationship, bleeding, i think that's it

23 JULY 2018

lynn wakes up late.

she slept through a total of three alarms, fifteen texts, and four phone calls from harry. his incessant banging on her front door was what finally got her out of bed, and by that time, she was already twenty minutes late.

so, she literally rolled out of bed, grabbed her belongings and ran to meet harry at his car. she was sporting old, ratty sweatpants and a t-shirt from her high school mathletes club. glasses replaced her usual contacts and she didn't even have time to brush her teeth.

harry's waiting with his trunk open. he's got on slacks and a stupid button-up top that matches his eyes, and she thinks his hair is slicked back in a way that makes it look a little greasy, but when she gets closer she realizes that it's just wet and also all chopped off. he looks so perfect and pulled together it makes her sick.

"rough night?" he's got his mouth turned upwards in a smirk so big, you'd be blind to miss it. it's annoying and obnoxious, and she makes sure at least one of her bags nudges him on the way into the trunk.

"3am manic episode haircut?" she bites back.

"alright," harry pushes the button to close the trunk. "let's go. we're already late."

the two don't talk for the entire car ride. lynn spends it knocked out with her face pressed against the glass, and she doesn't wake up until harry's shaking her shoulder in the parking lot of the westchester county airport.

he's got all of their bags out of the car already, and he doesn't let lynn carry anything besides her purse. really, there's so many bags. she's got three and he's got two of his own, yet he makes carrying all of them look effortless. like he could do it for ten miles without ever breaking a sweat.

once they've got their bags checked in, lynn drools at the sight of the tsa line. she's so tired. she feels like she could fall asleep using one of the scanner belts as a bed.

she can't tell if harry could read her mind or if she just looked that utterly exhausted because he gently pulls on her elbow, letting her put all of her weight on him. he's got his arms wrapped around her center and his head's on shoulder. she thinks that if she wasn't so tired, she'd push him off. they look like the average teenage couple at an amusement park. how humiliating.

she felt so pathetic leaning on him like this, but lynn couldn't bring herself to move. last night was the first night in practically months that she slept for more than ninety consecutive minutes. it was like every hour of missed sleep was catching up to her all at once, and keeping her eyes open seemed like the most difficult task in the world. she was definitely not god's strongest solider.

"s'nice," she hums, opening her eyes enough to look over at him, "your hair. it suits you."

his face flushes, and she can't help the grin that spreads across her face. she loves making him blush. he'd stumble over his words and avoid eye contact while he spoke. it was cute.

he was cute.

she expects some kind of flustered 'thank you' to come out of his mouth, but it doesn't. instead he puts his palm out to her face, "maybe you should have a mint."

her eyes roll when she straightens herself back up, no longer leaning on him. she goes through the line first, and when harry's bag gets pulled, she slips away into the bathroom wanting to brush every square inch of her mouth before he could notice she was gone.

harry talks to the gate agent to get their seats switched so they could have two next to each other. lynn had asked her first, and the girl behind the desk said it was a completely full flight, but then harry went up there with that stupid grin and his shining green eyes, and came back three minutes later with two new boarding passes and a phone number on a scrap piece of paper.

"unbelievable," lynn mutters, and harry laughs, shoving the piece of paper in his pocket.

"sorry she didn't think you were sexy, blondie," he teases. "do you think maybe it's the stained sweatpants or the mathletes tshirt? personally, i'd say the glasses-"

"i'm not in the mood right now, harry. don't piss me off."

he hums, arms wrapping around her shoulders, "you look cute, lynn. very soccer mom."

she gently shoves him away, but not before he kisses her. it was nothing crazy, just a peck and she's not really sure why he does it, but when lynn looks over at the girl behind the counter, she's already looking back.

lynn knows harry was only teasing, but she pretends to be interested in the way the little car is pushing back a plane at a nearby gate to hide the way tears pool in her eyes. maybe it was the sleep deprivation, or maybe she was extra sensitive today, but the way he spoke about her reminded her of kathleen in the worst way possible.

harry asks to take the window since he was the one to get their seats changed after all, but lynn refuses. he was pissing her off so badly today. all she wanted to do was put in her airpods and go the fuck to sleep.

harry taps her shoulder, leaning in again to ask if they could switch.

"i'm not giving you head."

the flush returns to his face as one of the flight attendants passes by, eyes rolling at lynn's words. lynn watches as she looks up at the seat numbers, mentally making a note of where the two were sitting.

"fuck, lynn. are you kidding me?"

"stop bothering me," she replies, taking his sweatshirt off of his lap and shoving the balled up fabric between her head and the wall. "have a good flight, harry."

he scoffs next to her, opening his mouth to say something else, but lynn's already turning up her music and closing her eyes.

✮✮✮

lynn's family wasn't coming in until later. they were all originally booked on a flight at twelve in the afternoon, but once she saw harry's flight confirmation, she changed hers. it would be unfair to have him wake up so early just to sit alone at the airport for hours on end.

so, she forked over the money to change her flight and the time for the rental car reservation, and while she was at it, she put the car under harry's name so technically, he had be the one doing all the driving. it was just another thing to make this trip easier for her.

she's sitting in the passenger seat of a green kia soul, looking at the text from her mother that just came through.

'Selfish as usual Lynn.'

her parents owned a condo in the keys. they had bought it when she was the only child, so it was small, one bedroom and one bathroom. her aunts were supposed to take it while she stayed with her family in a bigger condo in the same resort, but now that harry was coming, aunt cece wanted lynn and harry to be able to have some alone time, and offered it up.

and who was she to say no? kathleen being completely against it was just a bonus.

"what made you cut all your hair off in the middle of the night?" lynn asks, eyes focused on the water outside of her window. she felt better. well-rested. it was like she was a new person.

"just wanted a change," he says. "probably a 3am manic episode or whatever you called it.

she hums, stretching in her seat before looking over at him. she meant what she said. short hair suited him. lynn might even go as far to say that it looked better than his long hair. significantly better, really.

"i dropped out of college," he says. it's random, but he says it with such urgency, like he's been waiting— itching to tell her. "that night you stayed over. i dropped out that day."

"nice!" she holds her hand up for a high five, but he just looks at her with furrowed brows and his lips slightly parted. "are you really going to leave me hanging?"

"sorry i don't want to celebrate me ruining my life." his tone is cold and sharp, and so different from how he's been towards her all day.

she can't help the way her eyes roll. "college isn't for everyone, harry. i'm a drop out, and look at me."

"my point exactly."

"excuse me?" her chest feels hot, and she sits up in her seat to fully look at him. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"mommy and daddy aren't going to fork over thousands so i can open my own art studio," he says. "you don't know what it's like to have parents who would never dream of supporting you. they're going to kill me when i tell them."

"you don't fucking know me, harry," she's cut off my another text coming through.

'Shouldn't have expected anything less.'

✮✮✮

"did you want something with jackie?" lynn's sitting on the couch of the condo, and harry's leaning back next to her in a recliner that probably cost more than the bakery's monthly rent. there's an end table between them which held lynn's nearly empty wine glass and a bottle of ibuprofen so big, it cost her a whopping thirty five dollars. "did i ruin that? is that why you're always so upset with me?"

the two haven't spoken since the car ride from the airport. harry wordlessly pulled in to a gas station, and lynn went inside while he pumped the gas. she came out with two bottles of white wine and her precious ibuprofen to find him in the passenger seat.

their bags were thrown in the single bedroom as soon as they walked in. lynn carried in her purse and gas station wine and by the time she figured out how to unlock the door, harry was behind her with all five pieces of luggage.

she hated how much of a gentleman he was.

"i don't date, lynn." his eyes never leave his phone screen.

"sure you do. if you found the right person."

"you think my right person is someone who screws her best friends boyfriend?" he looks up at her and pops the piece of gum he's been chewing since they got on the plane in new york. the way he's chewing should be a felony.

lynn thinks she's going to need more wine to finish the conversation, so she gets up to refill her glass. she feels a little light on her feet when she walks, and perhaps she should stop while she's ahead.

she contemplates it for a second in the kitchen, but she's had a rough day. lynn tips the wine bottle into her glass until it's empty.

"i get the feeling that you don't really like me," she takes her seat on the couch again. "and i know it's not all unwarranted. i've had my bad moments."

harry looks up, eyeing the way her finger traces the stem of her over poured glass of wine. "i think you should stop drinking."

she nods, not in agreement, but in a way that meant she knew harry would say something like that. "right."

he sighs and sets his phone on the table. "jackie was a friend." his shoulders move up. "she was hot so we slept together."

she brings the wine glass up to her lips, taking a gulp so big, harry could probably see the way it moves down her throat.

"our relationship is so different than that, lynn. you know parts of me that no one else does and i don't even know your middle name."

she waves her hand dismissively, "why don't you just ask?"

"because the one time i was vulnerable with you," he spits. "you threw it right back in my face."

there's so much anger laced in his voice, it makes lynn's stomach hurt. that hot feeling comes seeping into her chest, and she tries to hide the tears brimming in her eyes behind another hefty sip of wine.

"i'm sorry," her voice cracks, and she expects harry to soften up just a little bit. "i shouldn't have. i just-"

"you just what?" his eyebrow's are furrowed when he speaks and lynn looks down to see his fists clenched around nothing.

he was still so mad at her.

"i was jealous of the way that you were with her," lynn admits. they were rarely ever so honest with each other, saying it made her feel like she just stood up and stripped naked in the middle of the room.

"jealous that i was fucking her? because we can fix that."

her eyes close, and she brings the glass to her lips again. she loathes the way harry can turn what feels like the most innocent of conversations into something sexual. maybe one day he'd see her for more than just her body.

"you were kind to her," her voice is quiet and soft, like she was telling him her inner most secrets. "and i wanted you to be kind to me, too."

"because you have been so kind to me?" harry's mouth thinned and eyes narrowed with his words.

"yeah, well. i guess not," lynn laughs a little to hide the way a tear spilled over. "i mean i tried to be when we first met at that stupid barbecue and you hated-"

"i didn't want to be there," he interrupts. "i was having a horrible day and my mom trying to set me up just pushed me over the edge."

"how do you think i felt?" her eyes are pleading with him as she speaks. lynn's not really sure what she's asking for, but she thinks she gets it when he takes a deep breath through his nose and his shoulders fall with his exhale.

"if i hated you, i wouldn't have given you my bed," he speaks without breaking eye contact. "and i definitely wouldn't have spent hours making two different meals for you."

"why did you do that?"

he shrugs. "i wanted to."

"but why?"

"i don't fucking know, lynn."

it's falls silent, and she finishes her glass of wine. when she sets the empty glass down on the table, it almost tips over, but harry's quick to catch it and pull it away from her.

maybe he was being more attentive than she thought.

"my grandma paid for my bakery," she hiccups. "left me all this money in her will with a letter that said to spend it on something that would make me happy."

lynn watches as his face softens and his shoulders slouch over in the chair.

"i know what it's like to do it all on your own. my parents never supported me, harry. not once. and i guess i had the financial support, but it came with my grandma dying which is so fucking devastating because she was the only one to ever want something more for me."

the room starts to feel hotter the more she thinks about it. her jaw clenches and all she can see is red. it was so unfair.

"lynn, i didn't know."

"no one knows because i'm never in that bakery." she seethes. "i opened it because i love to bake, and now i sit an in office and do paperwork and payroll every second that isn't taken up by raising two kids that aren't even mine."

"you don't have to raise them. it wouldn't hurt to take a step back," he looks pained almost when he speaks, and lynn's jaw drops at his words, a stare of blank amazement written all over her face. how could he be so stupid?

"i've lived the life that doing that would give them, and it fucking sucks. i don't want them to ever feel like that."

she doesn't even realize she's crying until it's quiet between them and she can finally hear the quiet sobs that come bubbling up from her chest.

"my parents pay for everything," harry blurts. she's turned so she doesn't have to look at him, but she can hear the frantic sound in his voice. it's like he's scrambling to make sense of what just happened between them. offering her whatever reasoning he can to explain why he just acted the way he did. "i've been so stressed thinking about what's going to happen when they find out, and i took it out on you when i shouldn't have. i'm sorry."

"if you needed help with money, there's always a job for you at my bakery, harry. you have to get it through your thick skull that you just need to ask for help."

"i don't want hand outs."

lynn can't help the way she laughs out loud, "it's a job. you actually have to work for what you make. i know that's probably a foreign concept for you."

a knock at the door interrupts them, and harry stands up to answer it. when the door swings open, kathleen's already walking inside. she's got her sunglasses on and her arms are crossed in front of her and god, lynn knew this was going to break her.

"harry, hi!" she kisses his cheek. "i hope your travels were good. i know how lynn can be."

she hears them laugh, and lynn uses the tips of her fingers to push the tears back into her eyes. she was not going to give either of them the satisfaction of watching her cry. again.

kathleen walks past him, standing on the other side of the coffee table to block the window lynn was pretending to look out of.

"confining your poor aunts to a small bedroom, i raised you better than this, lynn adams."

"aunt cece insisted on trading with us, mom," her words were soft. if she spoke any louder, she knew her voice would waver. "harry would be more comfortable here, and silas would actually have space when he comes."

kathleen looks over to harry who is staring back at the two wide-eyed.

"it was an empty offer, lynn. you of all people should be familiar with those."

lynn wants to scream at her mom because what the fuck is that supposed to mean. she knows her mom's probably upset that she had to watch her own two children on a three hour flight, but lynn doesn't want to push it. instead, she just blinks. she's so miserable.

"breakfast is at 8 tomorrow. don't be late," she goes to leave but turns back after a step. "i hope you can pull yourself together enough to not look like you belong under an underpass."

"i've raised you to take pride in your appearance," kathleen takes a step towards lynn with every hateful word she spews until she's practically in her face. her fingers pinch the sleeve of the t-shirt the girl's wearing. "this is embarrassing for me, lynn."

kathleen stands up, clapping her hands together like she didn't just humiliate her daughter, and turns to harry with the biggest smile on her face.

"sorry, harry. i'm sure you're well accustomed with just how selfish she can be," she kisses his cheek on the way to the door. "we are so glad you could join us. see you tomorrow."

she walks out of the door, and harry stays frozen in place. he's got those same wide doe eyes, and his lips are parted. his eyebrows are drawn together, and lynn can't help but look away. she hated when people pitied her.

there's a watery smile sat on her face, and she forces a teasing laugh, "how's that for being vulnerable?"

"i didn't know she treated you like that," harry says after a moment.

"she's just having a bad day," lynn shrugs. the way she says it is almost convincing, but when lynn finally gets a good read on the look in harry's eyes, she breaks. nasty sobs, ones so big they take her breath away, fall from her mouth, and she buries her face into her hands, wishing nothing more than to never be perceived by the boy standing in front of her again.

harry doesn't say anything, and instead sits down next to her. she feels his hands pressing against her back and fingers squeezing her shoulders, and when it's not enough, he pulls her into him with such force it almost hurts. his lips press against the side of her head before he tucks her head under his chin and squeezes her as tight as he can until she feels like she can finally catch her breath again.

"i don't want to be here," lynn confesses. it's quiet and harry barely catches it, but when it registers, he presses his lips against her hair and rubs his hand up and down her arm.

"i know," she can feel the words vibrate in his chest. "i'd say we go home right now, but i don't think you'd want that."

she shakes her head. "i don't want to leave my sisters here without me."

"you've got me here," he offers. "we can have fun with them."

lynn snorts. "we can't go eight hours without ripping each other's heads off."

she says it like it's a scientifically proven fact. like nothing could ever change that, yet she's holding on to his shirt like he's the only thing keeping her all put together. if he were to let her go, she'd break into a million pieces.

"i'm sorry for earlier," harry says. "i was such a dick."

"it's okay," she hums.

"it's not," his thumbs rub circles against her skin when he speaks. "i never want me treating you like that to be okay."

lynn can't help herself, "i don't think you'd be saying that if you didn't see how my mother treated me."

"probably not," he admits. "i still would've been wrong, though. i don't want to be someone you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around, lynn."

lynn hums and leans into him more, and harry pulls her closer, his grip tightening. there's probably going to be bruises left behind on her skin from just how tightly he's holding her against him.

she wishes the marks would stay forever so she could always remember the way she wasn't left to put herself together all on her own for once. she'd probably press her fingertips into them every time she felt so broken and alone, desperately hoping to feel the way she does now.

"i should be the one apologizing," her voice is raw. "i've been just as terrible to you. probably even worse."

"you're kind, too," harry mouths against her temple. "especially when it matters, s'where i lack. i'm not very good at being kind."

she leans back, scoffing. "not very good at being kind? look at you now."

he loosens his arms, but they still stay around her like he's scared to let her go. harry's cheeks turn pink, and he brings one hand up to use the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe the tears from under her eyes.

"yeah well," he laughs lightly. "i don't like seeing you upset."

her eyebrow raises, and she looks at him skeptically.

"i hate being the one who upsets you even more," his fingers pull her hair away from her sticky cheeks and tucks the strands behind her ear. "i don't know. i think we should've spent some time getting to know each other a bit more before we started all of this."

"would've changed your mind after realizing just how much of a bitch i was, huh?"

she's got a teasing smile on her lips, but harry just frowns. "lynn, no. that's not it at all."

"i was kidding," she chews her lips, looking down to smooth out the collar of his shirt. "kind of. i was a bitch."

"and i've been been a dick so we can call it even. i just— i don't know. this was supposed to make our lives easier, and i feel like we're just constantly hurting or upsetting each other."

"yeah," she hums. "do you want to go home?"

"no. of course not. that's not what i meant." he sighs, and lynn leans back. his hands still loosely sit on her arms, but there's space between them now.

"i think we could use this trip to get to know each other," lynn says. "communicate more, set some boundaries. being more comfortable with each other physically wouldn't kill either. i know my mom would start to have some questions if she constantly walked in on us nine feet apart from each other."

"yeah, i agree."

"are you okay if we maybe just sit here for a minute?" she asks. "together? you know, to get more comfortable with each other?"

"yeah, let me just.." he moves so he's got his back against a pillow propped up on the arm of the couch. harry takes lynn with him, so she's curled up against his side, head resting on his chest. he's got his arm around her and she can feel like way his fingertips trail from her hip to her ribcage and then back down. "there."

they're only like that for a minute before she starts crying again. "m'sorry."

"don't be," his voice matches the intensity of hers. he takes a deep breath, and then, "i've got you, blondie. just like you had me."

"m'not usually this weepy," she says. "haven't been in a while."

harry doesn't say anything at first, and lynn can feel the way his heart beat quickens when he opens his mouth, "does your mom treat your sisters like that, too?"

"i don't think so," she hums. "she's not always that intense either. s'why i stay around so much. i'd rather it be me than them."

maybe it's the bottle of wine, or maybe harry's just made her feel that comfortable. "she's better with them. when i was a baby, i had an au pair. my dad had an affair with her, and moved out before i was even one. i think she blames me for that. like their marriage would be so different if i hadn't been born."

"lynn, i-"

she's quick to sit up on her forearm, pressing her palm to harry's mouth. "i think it's the wine that's got me spilling all my secrets. don't reply to that."

"i just wish you had better," he says, and lynn can't help the watery grin that spreads across her face.

"me too," she hums. he's looking at her in a way she can't really read, and she's looking back with old tears drying on her cheeks and fresh ones pooling in her eyes.

lynn sits up when all the glances and touches start to feel like maybe she'd like to be trapped underneath him, his lips pressed against hers until she couldn't breathe anymore.

she'd blame that last thought on the wine.

"we passed a chinese spot on the way in," she says.

"but we just had chinese."

"but chicken lo mein?" lynn's rubbing her belly like she's absolutely famished. "god, i'm so hungry."

harry laughs, and lynn can't help but stare. his eyes wrinkled at the sides and his dimples came out, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't find it cute.

"let me get the keys."

"perfect. let me go change."

"don't," he catches her wrist. "your mom has to be so fucking miserable. you look fine." he's looking at her with such intensity, it makes her stomach hurt.

"you're not embarrassed by this?" her voice is soft. she's still got her mathlete's t-shirt on, but she swapped the sweatpants for a pair of shorts.

"fuck no," he says. "i was just teasing you at the airport, lynn. you look pretty, really. you always do."

her cheeks warm, and she pretends to fix her hair in the reflection of the t.v. to hide it.

"maybe no more teasing about how i look."

"of course," he moves next to her, doing the same to his hair. "should've punched me in the face and told me to shut the fuck up. m'sorry, lynn."

"s'okay," she laughs lightly, catching his eye in the reflection. "i think we owe ourselves a fresh start.”

"i think so, too."

they share a two top table in the corner of a small hole in the wall chinese restaurant that took forever to get to. harry orders for them, swapping both of their usual meals for something a bit bigger. lynn got general tso’s chicken with lo mein as a side, and harry asked for beef and broccoli with a side of his usual fried rice.

they ate in silence for a few minutes, each being too hungry to talk, but once the hunger pains subsided, harry started to make a list in the notes app of his phone.

“touching’s okay,” lynn says around her fork. “but maybe we should ask before kissing. at least until it’s something we’re both really comfortable with.”

harry nods in agreement, making it the fourth bullet point in the list. it fell behind communicating better, no more sex jokes, and no more pushing each other too far.

lynn hums in contentment at the list. her brain felt fuzzy and focusing on coming up with another bullet point felt like the hardest task ever, so she moved her attention to the chicken in front of her until harry turned his phone around.

stand up for each other when it comes to our parents

lynn grins at him, “i like that one. maybe we can add no more labeling it as an open relationship if that’s okay with you. you can still see other people, just have to be a little more careful with it.”

harry types it out, and then turns his phone around. written under it, “friends are off limits.”

the two stay in the restaurant for an hour making the list. at the end, they’ve gone through six fortune cookies and three pots of green tea and have compiled a whopping forty five bullet points.

on the way back harry makes a wrong turn, or that’s what lynn thinks, and they end up in the parking lot of a 24 hour winn dixie.

"i thought i could get us more wine," he says. "and you could get some things to bake while we're here. we could make jane a birthday cake.”

"harry..."

he shrugs. "you don't have to. i just thought maybe you’d want to.”

she can't hold back her grin as they walk towards the aisle, and it makes harry smile, too. they stay in there for nearly an hour, and lynn can hear him muffling a yawn with his hand every so often, but harry never once complains.

when they’re finally back, harry carries all of the groceries inside while lynn unlocks the door. she changes into her pajamas and harry puts all the groceries into empty cabinets.

later, they’re both sitting in the living room, some random tv show playing quietly in the background. lynn felt like she has lived a hundred different lives today, yet the fact that the two are where they are now made every ounce of anger and every tear she’d worth it.

"drew," her voice is quiet when she speaks, a little scratchy from staying quiet for so long.

"what about him?"

"that's my middle name."

"you're kidding," the corners of harry’s mouth are upturned slightly, unsure if he should laugh or not.

she shakes her head. "my parents wanted a boy."

and really, they never wanted her. lynn was just the starting point of the biggest fuck up in their marriage. she held her mom back in her career, and was probably the only reason her parents even got back together in the first place.

"what's up, blondie?" harry’s looking at her with soft eyes.

"hm?"

"what're you thinking about?"

she hums for a second, debating if she should ruin this good place they just got to with her own mommy issues.

“just how badly i want to crawl into bed.”

harry stands up, and returns back with a pillow and blanket in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

“go,” he pushes the wine towards her. “i’ve got the couch.”

“thank you,” she takes the glass from his hand, weakly smiling at him, and he returns it with one of those smiles he gave jane that night in her playroom. it's bright and beautiful.

and more importantly, it's all for her.

24 JULY 2018

lynn starts her morning with her face in the toilet bowl. she really shouldn't have had that much wine last night, but she couldn't help herself. she was so incredibly tired, yet nothing was helping her fall asleep.

there's a soft knock at door, and lynn groans. her face is sticky and she's got it pressed against the ceramic of the sink trying to cool herself down.

"come in."

"oh, blondie," harry's pushing the door open. he's got a large cup full of ice water and the container of ibuprofen in his hand. "i didn't think you drank that much."

"had more after you went to sleep," she groans, hunching back over the toilet. "finished the second bottle and maybe half of the third."

"you should've woken me up," he sits next to her on the floor. his hands pull down her shirt to cover her exposed skin, and then run across her back as she gets sick again.

"gross," he reaches up to flush the toilet.

she scowls over at him, "at least you aren't covered in it."

his shoulders draw together, cringing at the thought. "not my best moment."

it's quiet between them as lynn lowers the lid of the toilet. her arms cross on top of it, and she rests her head on her arms, sighing at just how terrible she feels.

"feeling any better?" he reaches for her face, pushing her hair off of her sweaty forehead.

she shakes her head, and harry unscrews the cap of the ibuprofen. a few fall into his hand, and he nudges them past her lips, bringing the cup of water to her mouth after.

"thank you," she takes the cup from him, gulping half of it before setting it back down on the floor.

"why don't you get back in bed?"

"that stupid breakfast," she mutters. "can you start the shower when you leave?"

lynn finds harry sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table. he's wearing a pair of black swim trunks and a yellow button up top. his sunglasses pushed his hair away from her face, and the whole room smelled like banana boat sunscreen.

she sighs before sitting in the chair to slip her sandals on. "ready?"

"are you sure you want to go?"

she shakes her head, "but we have to. i just want to get it over with."

the two walk to the resort restaurant holding hands. it feels almost corny to lynn. to be doing this when she's pushing thirty, but maybe that's just because she doesn't think she's ever seen her parents hold hands. they never really show affection.

jane squeals when she sees harry, jumping up from her spot at the table and running to cling to his leg.

"oh, sunflower," he bends down to pick her up, letting her sit on his hip. "i've missed you."

"you saw me the other day," her arms cross like she's mad at harry for forgetting.

"i know," he pinches her side. "i still missed you."

harry wraps his free hand around lynn's back, resting it on her hip and pulling her closer to the two, "no hello, jane?"

the little girl huffs, turning away from her sister. "you left me alone yesterday on the plane."

lynn goes to reply, but harry beats her to it, "m'sorry. i needed lynn to come with me, janey." his voice lowers. "i'm scared of planes."

jane gasps, hand flying to her mouth in a way that's so dramatic it has harry and lynn giggling.

"you're late lynn," her mother is sitting at the head of the table, eyes glancing at her watch.

"that's my fault, ms. kathleen," harry's putting jane back in her chair. "i wasn't feeling my best when i woke up."

kathleen doesn't respond, and lynn wraps her arms around amelia's neck, bending down to kiss her cheek to hide her growing smile.

harry and lynn sit across from each other, with a sister on either side of them. lynn scoots her chair closer to amelia, engaging in conversation about anything her sister wanted to talk about. she felt like the girl was pulling away from her now that she was getting older, and lynn found herself desperately wishing to go back to a year ago when melia would sit under the covers of her bed, spilling her innermost thoughts to her older sister.

she tried to keep her attention fully on amelia as she spoke, but lynn couldn't resist the urge to steal a glance at the two across from her every so often. jane usually had her hand in the air, waving around a green crayon triumphantly while harry had his face in his hands, quietly weeping over another lost game of tic tac toe.

"ugh, you're gushing over him," amelia whines. "you're not even listening."

"am not," lynn brings her mug up to her lips. "you were talking about how mr. fielder was being unfair with your last geometry quiz. he gave you a 72 and you think you deserve an 80."

"it was algebra," she rolls her eyes, turning her attention to her phone.

harry's looking over with furrowed brows and lynn shrugs, not really knowing why her sister seemed so upset with her. the only part she had gotten wrong was the type of math class. sue her.

when they're finished eating, kathleen and peter leave without saying a word, and lynn realizes they're stuck with amelia and jane. it was so like her mother to invite her just to play babysitter.

jane decides she wants to go to beach, so the two older girls follow while harry stops back at the condo to get everything he needed.

lynn's sitting on one of the lounge chairs, rubbing sunscreen into jane's skin when harry joins them again. he's got an overflowing beach bag on his shoulder, two of lynn's water bottles filled to the brim in one hand, and a book from her carry-on and her pair of forgotten sunglasses in the other.

god, he was a dream.

"why don't you rest?" harry sits down next to her, pulling jane's life vest from the bottom of the bag. "i've got them today."

"it's your vacation, too, harry. i can't-"

"please," he says. "take a break. you deserve it."

"okay," there's a small smile on her lips when she speaks, and it grows even more when harry leans in and asks if he can kiss her.

he doesn't though, even when lynn says yes. instead, he focuses on clipping jane's life vest and pulling the tabs to make sure it's tightened properly.

"all set, sunflower. are you coming, amelia?" the girl shakes her head, moving to sit on the lounger next to lynn's instead.

harry leans in and presses his lips against lynn's, just like he did in the parking lot of jane's recital. it's short and sweet and he pulls back just a little before kissing her again. and again. and again.

lynn's leaning back against the lounge chair and harry's chasing her, kissing her face wherever his lips could reach. she's laughing the kind of laugh that pinches in her side as she pushes her palms up to harry's lips, stopping his scruff from tickling her.

he kisses her palms once. twice. and then looks at her over her finger tips, mumbling something about being safe, and then he's gone, running to the water with jane's hand in his.

lynn's palms press against her cheeks, wondering if they were as hot as they felt. god, she was blushing.

she's about to open the bag to see what else harry had packed, but she hears her sister scoff next to her, and when she looks over, the younger girl is glaring.

"something wrong, amelia?"

"you're drinking again," she states. "i can see it. you're hungover."

"i'm twenty seven. i can have a hangover," lynn bites back the snippy remark she has on the tip of her tongue because she knows that what she did to amelia will probably forever be burned into her brain.

after her last relationship, she dropped out of college and moved home. she sat in bed everyday, staring at the wall. all of her friends were states away, and it didn't really matter anyway. he had isolated her so badly, the only thing she had to keep her company were her thoughts.

so she drank. because she needed them to stop. because she'd do anything for a few hours of peace and quiet.

some nights she drank so much she'd sleep throughout the entire next day and other times she'd have to move her mattress into the bathroom. lynn hasn't made herself sick in forever. today being an exception.

however, on her worst night, she blacked out, only coming to the next morning in a hospital bed. she had passed out on the stairs in her parents house, leaving a nine year old amelia to find her.

so if amelia was upset about her drinking, she understood. but lynn wasn't twenty one anymore. she went to therapy, she did the work, and she was better. if she wanted to have a few glasses of wine to unwind she would. she deserved it.

"you've only started drinking after you met him," she points out.

"not true, and this has nothing to do with him, mels. it isn't like last time. i promise."

amelia doesn't say anything. instead, she turns on her side away from lynn.

25 JULY 2018

harry blindly searches for his phone on the nightstand in the dark, his palm sliding against the smooth surface to no avail. he groans and rubs his eyes trying to get the sleep out of them before moving to look under the bed.

he finds his phone plugged into the charger on the bathroom counter, not really remembering how it got there. being in the sun all day had him sleeping so hard, he felt like he was still in a dream.

harry splashes some water on his face and looks in the mirror, suddenly becoming aware of just how thirsty he is. cupping his hand under the bathroom sink wasn't going to cut it. he needed the biggest glass of ice cold water he could find.

he moves into the living area, finding lynn sitting on the couch. the dim glow of the television lit up her face as she focused on reading the subtitles that flashed on the screen.

"hey," his voice is low and scratchy, and lynn jumps at the sudden sound. "can't sleep?"

she shakes her head. "not really. what about you?"

"woke up just absolutely parched."

lynn laughs under her breath and pats the couch cushion next to her. "sit. i've got it."

she's already standing, and harry thinks the long twenty step trek to the kitchen seemed so far, so he sits. there's an old rerun of the office on, and lynn's got the volume so low he can barely make out the words. harry wonders if it's like that because she didn't want to wake or because she didn't want him to know she was awake.

he turns up the volume before she sits down, a glass of water in one hand and what he assumes is a mug of tea in the other. harry thanks her, settling into the comfort of the couch.

"go to sleep. you're tired," she says against the lip of her mug, and harry wants to because he is exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about lynn sitting out here all by herself if he was went back into the room.

"and you're not?" he could tell she was just as tired as he was. probably even more. she spent the whole day soaking in the sun with a book in her hand. never once did he come out of the water to find her with her eyes closed.

"i am," her fingers reach for the remote to turn down the volume again. "i just have trouble sleeping sometimes."

"take the bed," lynn's quick to shake her head in protest. "i'm serious, blondie. i could knock out on the floor with a beach towel for a pillow. take the bed, please."

"m'not gonna sleep either way," she mumbles. "you might as well be comfy."

when she looks over at him, harry notices just how slowly she blinks. it's like she's in a daze, glassy eyes barely focusing when they're open. his hand rests on her ankle, thumb brushing over her skin, and she hums in response. he doesn't think she's slept since the plane ride two days ago.

"why don't we share the bed?" her eyes snap open, and she's looking at him like he's said something absolutely absurd. like he's crazy for even thinking the two of them could fit in the california king. "or we can sit out here and watch office reruns. i'm not picky."

"can we watch tv in bed?" she's got a lazy smile on her lips.

"sure," harry squeezes her ankle before helping her up.

when they get into the bedroom, lynn gets under the covers while harry goes to the bathroom to retrieve his phone and plug it into the outlet near the nightstand.

"shall we build one of those pillow walls or whatever they do in every rom com?" he's standing over the bed, stretching out his sore shoulders.

lynn laughs, head tilting back a little, and harry can't help the wave of satisfaction that washes over him because he has her laughing even though she's clearly miserable.

"are you saying you picture us as the two main characters in a rom com, harry styles?" she pats the spot next to her. "we've shared a bed before. shut out the light and get in."

harry's quick to turn the lamp off, wanting nothing more than to hide the flush of his face from the growing heat to his cheeks. he definitely didn't have a crush on her, but if she asked him to kiss her goodnight right now, he wouldn't really be opposed.

as soon as his face hits the pillow, harry feels his eyelids getting heavy. he's not sure if it was the sun or all the swimming around with jane clinging to his side, but he's certain he's never been so tired in his life.

"sorry, i just-" lynn's turning on her phone flashlight, illuminating the small room. harry hears her soft foot steps as she shuts the bedroom door, the click of a lock following right after. the light turns off, and harry feels the bed dip beside him again. "sorry."

"no reason to apologize, blondie."

it's quiet again, and harry feels himself dozing off even with the tv on. lynn keeps the sound down just like before, and opts for some subtitles instead.

"you can turn it up," he speaks with his eyes closed. "i could probably sleep through an explosion."

"s'for me. not you," harry's back is turned toward her, but he can hear the eye roll in her voice. "can't sleep with the sound on."

"right," because he definitely should've known that. how could he be so stupid?

harry doesn't mean to get annoyed with lynn. he really doesn't, but she is so fidgety. she's tossing and turning and rubbing her feet together under the covers. she bites the skin around her nails, and then drops her hands next to her in a way that has the entire bed moving.

and usually, harry would be able to sleep through every shake of the bed and every sigh that fell from her lips. during his freshman year, his roommate admitted to consistently fucking his girlfriend while harry slept soundly... on the bunk above them.

needless to say, he was a heavy sleeper. at least he thought he was. maybe he was having an off night, or maybe it was because lynn was the one sleeping next to him. he didn't really care to know which.

lynn gets up again. this time she decides to use the glow of the television instead of her flashlight. harry hears the click of the bedroom lock, and then shortly after the click of the deadbolt to the actual front door of the condo.

she comes back to the room, shutting and locking the door behind her, and then she twists the knob twice, ensuring it's locked.

he rolls over to face her, "got everything locked up?"

"yeah, i think so," she hums, and harry expects her to relax. maybe lean into the pillow and close her eyes. instead she bites the side of her thumb, and then, "maybe i should check again."

his arm comes out, pushing her back against the mattress. "i've got it."

harry stumbles out of the room, too tired to hold himself up properly. the weight of him has his shoulders slouching and his half closed eyes have him tripping over literal air. he checks the lock on the front door, and then goes to the kitchen to find the keys to it.

he slips them off of the key ring, and then stops before he gets back to the bedroom, running his fingers along the top of the door frame to search for the small key that usually sits on top of it.

he locks the bedroom door behind him, twisting the knobs twice, just like lynn did, and then he gets into bed and searches for her hand under the covers.

"here," harry presses the keys into her palm. "you've got the keys, lynn, everything's locked and no one's getting in."

"thank you," her voice is watery just like it was when she sat in his lap and fell apart the day prior. "the last time i was here was with him."

and harry doesn't really know who she's talking about. he assumes an ex, and feels a burn in his chest at the realization.

she missed him so much, she couldn't sleep.

he wonders if they've shared this bed before, too. if lynn clung to him with tears in her eyes on the couch. maybe he spent hours with her sisters, just so she could breathe for a second, just like harry did. kathy and peter probably loved the guy. harry bets he got more than a head nod when they all sat down for meals.

harry hums in response, too tired to try and form a sentence that doesn't come across like he's a little pissed off. there's no reason for him to be.

he stays awake for a bit longer, reading the subtitles off of the tv. when he notices lynn's breathing slowing, he looks over to see her eyes shut. harry closes his, melting into the mattress and finally falling asleep.

25 JULY 2018

harry thinks lynn is probably the heaviest sleeper in existence.

she's got her face pressed against the pillow, her mouth is open, and he is definitely watching her while she sleeps. it's not that he means to. really, he doesn't. he just doesn't think he's ever seen someone sleep so soundly in his entire life.

the truth is, if anyone deserves a good night's sleep, it's lynn. she was always so busy running between work and taking care of her sisters, and whatever time she did have left over was spent sitting at a dinner table with his parents or at a bar with gemma and drew. it was almost weird to see her without the little worry wrinkle that seemed to be permanently stamped between her eyebrows.

harry slips out of bed, making sure she's still tucked into the sheets in the process. he stops himself from leaning down and pressing his lips against the crown of her head because even his sleep-dazed brain knew that would be insanely crazy.

the coffee lynn had picked out a few nights prior at the grocery store is sitting on the counter, silently begging to be brewed. harry starts a pot for both of them to share, leaning against the counter as the machine hums and splutters as it starts to brew. a sigh pushes past his lips, and he decides that the ache in his chest was something more than leftover heartburn from last night's dinner.

he misses oliver so much.

maybe it's a little selfish, but he can't help but wish that it were oliver here with him instead. they'd probably spend lazy mornings in between the sheets before harry would reluctantly pull himself away to make oliver his favorite breakfast, hoping to get a hundred thank you kisses in return.

and then oliver would probably come out of their room freshly showered, with a smile so big sitting on his lips, it'd make harry's chest physically hurt just because he loved him so much. he'd press kisses to harry's shoulders and his neck and all the way up to his chin before finally kissing his mouth, parting with a quiet 'thank you'. oliver was always so appreciative, and harry thinks he’ll never love anyone as much as he loved the boy.

his daydream comes to an end when he sees lynn walking out of the bedroom with her hair all messy and pulled away from her face. she's still got her pajamas on and there's sleep in her eyes, evidently still tired from last night.

"how do you like your coffee?"

"just cream," lynn’s voice is raspy. "thanks."

she sits on one of the stools in front of him and he pushes the mug towards her before filling up another one with black coffee and setting it in front of himself.

he takes a sip, and then, "sleep good?"

"really good actually," she offers him a small smile. it's shy, almost like she's trying to hide it and stop it from growing any wider. harry’s decided that’s a tell that her smile is genuine. "i know you wanted to sit out today, but do you think you could sit with me in here for a bit after? just until i fall asleep."

"yeah, of course," he says. "yesterday wore me out. i could use a nap, too."

"perfect,” her mug sits at against her lips. “it’s a date, then.”

if it were up to harry, the two would spend the entire day locked away in the room and underneath all of the covers. he was exhausted, and he knew lynn was, too. she's sitting in front of him, eyes glued to her reflection in the marble counter, and she's not saying a word.

"your aunt cece is going to be at breakfast, right?"

lynn nods around a sip of coffee. "and aunt rosie. they got in last night."

"good," he says. "they're lovely."

"they are," lynn agrees. "it’s crazy to think that cece and my mom grew up in the same house."

and harry doesn't know if he should agree or not, but when they're all sitting at the beach after breakfast, he thinks he definitely does.

aunt cece is sitting on a lounger next to him while lynn plays in the water with her sisters. rosie is on the other side of her and peter and kathy are god knows where. it's quiet between the two at first, each just soaking up the sun, and then aunt cece turns her head to look at him.

"lynn told me that you're queer," aunt cece says. "sorry if that was forward of me."

harry doesn't really know what to say, or where exactly this conversation is going so he just nods and sits up a little straighter in his chair. "i am. it's not something i'm really open about though."

"if you don't mind me asking, i was wondering what your views on sexuality are," the older woman replies. "i'm a human sexuality professor. i'm not sure if lynn told you that, but i've been grading the last of these final exams, and i want to see what you think. would you say sexuality is black and white or more of a spectrum?"

"i think it would depend on the person," harry answers. "for me, i'd say more of a spectrum. when i'm with lynn, i feel more on the straight side. i don't know. it sounds stupid. my queerness is still there, but i feel like it's invisible almost to those around me and i think their perceptions affect the way i view myself, too. when i was with my ex boyfriend, it was the opposite. i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. i don’t mind either way.”

"told you, cecilia," rosie says from next to them. she's looking at her wife with such fondness in her eyes, it makes harry a little jealous.

"whatever," the other woman rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed before turning her attention back to harry. "most of my queer students said the same. i was wondering if it was just an age thing."

he tilts his head for a second because he's the same age as aunt cece's college students, but before he can ask what he means, she's opening her mouth again.

"why aren't you open about your sexuality?"

harry's not embarrassed of his queerness, and it's not something he outright hides. he doesn't really like to use the term "closeted" to describe himself, but he did only tell people he was completely comfortable with.

"i'm not ashamed if that's what you think," he replies. "it's my family. it's just easier if i keep that part tucked away."

"i'm sorry to hear that," the older woman is so sincere when she speaks. "there's always room for you in my family, harry. rose and i will always be just a phone call away, even if you and lynn aren’t together anymore."

"it's been forever since she's brought someone around," rosie leans forward. "i don't see you going away any time soon."

there's a burning in the back of his throat, and he's trying so hard not to let tears pool his eyes, "thank you."

aunt cece leans forward to squeeze his hand, and harry thinks it's about to be the final straw. the tears are about to start flooding.

"what'd you do to my boyfriend, aunt cece?" lynn's sitting down on the edge of his lounger. the salt water dripping from her hair feels so good on his skin. "got him all teary eyed."

"your aunt was just telling him how much we love having him around," rosie speaks for her wife.

"we do love having him around," jane joins them, digging in harry's bag to look for her sand bucket.

lynn's thumb brushes away the singular tear he lets fall before anyone else can see, and presses her lips against his temple. "you feeling okay?"

and he nods, leaning his head against her shoulder. he feels more than okay. harry thinks he's never felt so loved in his entire life.

and yet, every part of it is fake.

✮✮✮

"wanna go make out in the water?" lynn giggles at the warmth of harry's words against her skin, and turns her head over to look at him. he's got a lopsided smile on his face, and he moves hand to rest on top of hers, squeezing once. "we don't have to. i'm just kind of bored."

"and making out with me is more exciting than ogling half of chi omega?" she tips her head back, alluding to the group of fake blondes all stretched out across the loungers next to them.

"i'm only looking at you, blondie," she feels his words deep in her stomach and prays to god they don't reflect in her face. the two were laying on their towels in the sand, inches apart. he'd definitely be able to notice if a blush made its way to her cheeks.

she rolls her eyes, pulling her sunglasses down off of her head to let her hair try and hide her probably pink cheeks, and then she pushes herself up on to her knees, "are you coming or what?"

"can i come?" jane's moving in between them, her big, blue eyes looking up at harry. "please, harry."

"not today, janey," he squeezes just above the girl's elbow, the devastation evident in her face. "tomorrow, though. i promise."

jane sighs, but doesn't press further. instead she sulks back over to her aunts, stopping to pick up any seashells she could use to decorate her castle on the way.

they walk into the water together and lynn wets her hair, pushing it out of her face and moving her sunglasses back up to hold it in place.

"alright. how should we do this?"

harry laughs. he's got his sunglasses over his eyes, but the way his dimples pop out has lynn guessing that his eyes are shining, too. it reminds her of luke’s sunshine smiles. harry’s are different though. the warmth and happiness are so obvious across his entire face. he practically embodied sunshine.

"you're making it sound like a chore, lynn."

"am not."

and really she wasn't. she was trying her best to not explode with excitement. she'd never tell harry, his ego was big enough as it is, but he was a good kisser, and she's been thinking about the way his mouth felt against hers ever since that night at his apartment.

"come closer," he reaches for her, pulling her into him. his lips press against her hairline, and then they disappear. "gotta warm up to it."

"i'm a bit out of practice," she admits. "don't laugh if i'm bad."

"never," she rests her head on top of his shoulder, feeling the words in his chest as he speaks. "this is just supposed to be fun, blondie."

"right," she hums. "just fun."

"just fun," he repeats it again, voice barely above a whisper. she leans back so she can look at him, and he's got a small smile sitting on his lips. he kisses her face, right next to the corner of her mouth. "this okay?"

"yeah," she hums, and he does it again. "s'good."

harry trails his lips down to under her chin, kissing along her jaw until he meets the skin just below her ear. then she feels it. the way his teeth gently scrape against the sensitive area.

"alright," her hand pushes his face away, but his arm still keeps her against him. "you're just teasing me, now."

"oh, yeah? bet you've been thinking about this since the last time. haven't you?" the words send heat right to her cheeks, and this time she doesn't care to hide it.

"whatever helps you sleep at night," she pinches his bottom lip between her fingers, soothing the skin with the pad of her thumb when she lets go.

his teeth nip at her thumb before she pulls it away with a giggle, "wait, don't i help you sleep at night?"

"oh whatever," she's grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. it reminds her of when she watched him playing with jane, and the way the little girl was smiling so big. she wishes they could've had this kind of relationship from the beginning.

"y'gonna kiss me already?" he squeezes her hip. "or am i gonna have to do all the work?"

"mmm," she hums. "i am kind of tired."

harry pushes her chin up with his finger before pressing his lips to hers. they're warm, and firm and harry always kisses her like he's trying to prove something.

she feels his tongue on her bottom lip, and she squeezes her mouth together for no other reason than to annoy him. "c'mon, lynn. don't be like that."

"y'taste gross," her nose scrunches, and it's true, he did.

harry opens his eyes, keeping his forehead pressed against hers. "i just had a beer."

"exactly," lynn hated the taste. (but if harry were to keep kissing her like how he is now, she would definitely look past it.)

"sorry my mouth can't be as sweet as yours," he drags his thumb across her lips. "all those rum punches, hm?"

lynn let's harry have his way with her mouth. he's sucking and biting and running his tongue against hers, and she is just taking it. soaking it all up. it's been forever since she's been kissed like this and she feels a little selfish when all she offers him is a few lazy sucks on his lips.

his fingertips press into the back of her thighs, and she pulls away, shocked at the feeling. harry was a touchy person, but he seemed like he knew his limits.

"you're getting a little too handsy," she warns. "don't piss me off and ruin our fun just yet."

he simply lifts his hands, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"m'not trying to feel you up, just wanna make it a little easier f'you,” he kisses her chin. “and for me. that angle fucking sucked.”

she rolls her eyes, arms coming to drape around his neck. lynn's looking down at him now, and she lets her lips lightly brush across his face just to tease him. harry's lips are red and swollen, and she runs her thumb across them, smearing the saliva into his soft skin.

"they're looking," she whispers, looking over at the group of girls they were laying out by before.

"your family? that's kind of the whole point."

"no," she hums. "your new friends."

"yeah," harry rolls his eyes. "and they're watching me put my tongue in your mouth. jealousy is not a very good look on you, blondie."

lynn closes the space between them, actually kissing him with effort. she works his mouth just like he was doing to her minutes ago. she sucks and bites and presses their lips so hard together she thinks that they're going to be bruised in the morning.

she feels a little confident when she lets her hands slide into his hair, tugging just enough to pull his mouth away from hers. there's a groan in his throat when she does, and he tries best to hide it, but lynn's already heard it and now her fun was ruined.

"sorry, what's not a good look on me?"

"marry me," harry breathes out.

lynn laughs lightly, resting over his shoulder and wrapping her arms and legs around him tighter. she sighs, and harry runs his fingers along her back while his lips press into her hair.

"ready for our nap?"

"showers and then a nap," she corrects, silently thanking whatever god would listen that harry could let whatever just happened between them go just as quickly as she could. "im not letting you get the bed all sandy."

"whatever you want, honey," he hums, starting to walk out of the water with lynn still in his arms.

"don't call me that," she leans back to look at him, drawing her brows together like she was annoyed. really, she was fighting whatever urge came bubbling up in her throat that had her wanting to ask him to say it again.

"why not? you're sweet like honey."

"i miss when you hated me," lynn sighs, letting herself fall limp against him again.

"never hated you, lynn." she tries to ignore the way his words make her feel warm all over.

"c'mon," she lets her legs down, standing on the dry sand. "let's just grab our stuff and go. they'll think we're going to have crazy sex and it'll buy us a few hours of peace and quiet."

✮✮✮

lynn wakes up to harry moving her hair away from her face. he's propped up on his elbow, fingers brushing over her skin just as lightly as the way her name leaves his lips.

"hey," harry murmurs. "sleep good?"

"so good," she hums, turning on her side to face him. "please tell me you're not eating crackers in our bed."

"m'eating them on my side," he says. "want one?"

"no." she tries to suppress a yawn, arms coming up over her head to stretch. "c'mon. we've got dinner. make sure there's not a single crumb in these sheets."

the two share the bathroom as they get ready together. lynn braids her knotty hair away from her face while she watches with jealousy as harry does nothing but push a pair of sunglasses into his. when it's time to change, he graciously gives her the bathroom, and waits for her to invite him back in.

he comes in wearing a pair of khaki pants with a blue shirt tucked into them, and lynn feels incredibly underdressed. he always looked so proper and pulled together when they had something to do, meanwhile she always looked like she grabbed the first thing she could reach in her closet and didn’t have enough time to check herself in the mirror before leaving.

she had chosen a yellow sundress tonight. she thought it was cute and flowy when she had bought it a year ago, but now she can't help but think that the way some of the fabric stretches around her body has her resembling what she would assume a freshly plucked big bird would look like after working a grueling twelve hour shift in a sesame street high rise.

lynn's stepping back, fingers smoothing down the fabric when she catches harry's eyes in the mirror. he's got a mouth full of toothpaste and his face is pulled together. "y'look beautiful, lynn," he mumbles around his tooth brush. "always do."

she's not really convinced, but her cheeks warm nonetheless, and she pulls her eyes away from harry's before offering him a smile and the sincerest of thank yous.

lynn moves to the living room to wait for harry to finish up and spends the entire ten minutes debating if she should change. she loves the dress, and really, if she were wearing it anywhere but here, there would be no second thoughts about it. lynn just knew that whatever kathleen had to say about it would be forever etched in her brain and the dress would probably find its way into a goodwill pile when she got back.

harry joins her changed out of his perfect outfit. he's wearing a pair of shorter black shorts and the yellow button up he was wearing the other day instead.

lynn isn't really sure what to say or if she should say anything at all, but he only smiles at her before slipping his shoes on and asking if she's ready to go.

"why'd you'd change?" she caves when they're inside the restaurant.

he shrugs. "thought we could match. i don't know. i felt over dressed in what i had on."

she hums in response, and harry wraps his arm around her waist as they get closer to her family's table. she feels his fingers pinch the fabric at her waist, and then, "plus you look like sunshine in this dress. it would've been a crime to ask you to match my blue."

"oh, knock it off," she bumps her hip into his. "you're so corny today."

lynn expects him to knock her back with double the force, just like he did the first day she met him. instead, he only tugs her closer to him, muttering something about just how serious he is against the shell of her ear before pulling her chair out for her at the table.

"new dress?" kathleen speaks, and the way she's look at lynn makes her stomach twist.

harry only hums, fingers squeezing her shoulders as he stands behind her. "looks absolutely gorgeous, doesn't she, ms. kathy?"

aunt cece coos at the pair, pinching lynn's knee under the white tablecloth, and harry's got his lips pressed against her temple, ignoring jane's pleas begging him to sit next to her from the other end of the table. instead, he asks amelia to switch with him so he can sit with lynn, and the girl is more than happy to, considering that all lynn seems to do is piss her off with nothing but her presence.

aunt cece starts up a conversation with the two, but lynn only keeps herself involved with perfectly timed hums of acknowledgement while harry does all of the talking. she felt bad, but all she could think about was the fact that the boy that reminds her of sunshine happens to think the same about her in her new favorite dress.

26 JULY 2018

lynn’s sitting next to harry in a lounger while her sisters play mermaids in the pool. usually, amelia would do absolutely anything to get out of the game, but it was jane’s birthday and it happened to be her only ask. lynn would have definitely offered to relieve her sister of her duties, but jane currently had amelia sitting on the ledge of the pool while she threw a ball at her, calling it mermaid hunting.

so instead, lynn happily sits with a book in one hand while her other hand lightly traces every line and crease on the back of harry’s, only picking up her finger when it’s time to turn the page. she started doing it just to annoy him, but harry didn’t seem to care. he only reclined his lounger a little and moved his hand to rest on lynn’s so she didn’t have to reach across them.

lynn woke up this morning with harry’s face pressed against the crook of her neck and his palm resting against her abdomen. she’ll blame the next part on the fact that she was still half asleep, but she laid there with her eyes closed, soaking up every second of their closeness before harry woke up and gently pulled himself from her. she thought about mentioning the whole thing over their morning coffee, but she didn’t want him to think she was crazy for letting it happen and more importantly, she didn’t want to ruin the chances of that ever happening again.

she was touch deprived. sue her.

“do you want kids someday?” harry asks. he’s got his free arm over his forehead, blocking the sun from his eyes as he looks at lynn.

“probably not,” lynn answers honestly. “i’ve got these two.”

“but you don’t want any of your own?”

lynn pauses for a second before answering, letting her book fall against her chest. it wasn’t that she didn’t want kids of her own because there is definitely a small piece of her that sometimes daydreams of white picket fences and tiny hand prints on glass doors, but that small sliver is overshadowed by the overwhelming fear of not being good enough. she doesn’t really know how to say i’m scared i’ll never learn to love my children the same way my mother never loved me without ruining their sunny pool day.

so, instead she settles for a, “it’s not really important to me. what about you?”

harry shrugs. “dunno. i’ve never really thought about it until now. i think i’m still too young.”

lynn can’t help but laugh at him for saying he feels too young. nearing thirty had her feeling everything but that, and it was crazy how harry felt the opposite.

he tilts his head to the side as she laughs, and lynn’s about to ask why he’s got that look on his face, but the ball jane has been throwing interrupts them, hitting harry right in the mouth.

“oh fuck,” harry curses under his breath.

"jane!" lynn sits up straight, practically screaming at the little girl. "you have got to be careful."

"it's okay, lynn,” harry’s words are muffled by his hand. “really, i’m fine.”

"what do you say to him?" her jaw is clenched and her fists are balled so tightly in her lap. if she were to open them, there’d be little moon indentations on the bottoms of her palms.

"i'm sorry, harry,” jane looks away when her voice wobbles. “i didn't mean to."

"i know, sunflower. it was an accident, wasn't it?" harry speaks so softly as he gently rolls the ball back to the little girl. lynn can’t understand how he wasn’t absolutely seething.

jane nods as her tears spill over and harry’s quick to tell her not to worry about it. accidents happen.

"let me see," her attention moves to harry, catching the crimson trail that started to flow down his chin. "oh, harry. let me clean that for you.”

she doesn’t give him time to respond before pulling him up by his elbow. lynn makes amelia swear to not let jane out of her sight before she leads harry all the way back to their condo. he sits on the arm of the chair in the living room and waits while lynn retrieves a rag and an ice cube from the freezer.

"i'm so sorry, harry," lynn's voice is soft, just like her touch is when her fingers brush under his chin, tilting it up to get a better look at his lip.

“you didn’t have to yell at her like that, you know?” and she knew harry was right. the contrast between her tone with jane and her tone now was like night and day. she knew it was an accident, but she was nervous that harry would be upset with her for not scolding her sisters when they did something wrong.

harry winces when she adds a bit of pressure to the cut, and when lynn feels him move away from her, she has to blink back the tears that are threatening to spill over.

the last time she was here, lynn had brought her ex boyfriend. their relationship has already been hanging on by a thread, and she thought that a romantic beach getaway was exactly what they needed to save it.

and it worked for the first half of the trip. he was so affectionate towards her. so gentle. lynn felt so loved, and so incredibly safe.

then amelia spilled a cup of water on his lap, and he screamed at her in a way that had his chest heaving and face turning red. he was so upset with her and with lynn. the whole trip was ruined and lynn went to sleep nearly every night with a raspy voice and a raw throat from hours of consoling amelia and crying so hard she couldn't breathe.

"hey," he pulls on her waist, bringing her to sit on his knees. "i didn’t mean it like that. what's got you so worked up over this, hm?"

"i'm not worked up."

"lynn," harry's hand covers her own, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles as she keeps the ice pressed against his lip. "you're all teary eyed and you're breathing funny."

"you're bleeding, harry. i don't know how you're not raging."

"it was an accident," his hands move to wrap around her middle. "and she's six. i wouldn't really care if she did it on purpose either."

"yeah? you promise?"

"i promise, lynn." he's looking at her with such sincerity on his face, it makes her shoulders fall with relief.

“i guess i was just scared that you’d yell at her,” she admits. “i knew she’d take it better from me.”

“i didn’t know you thought so low of me.” she can’t tell if he’s being serious or only joking with her, but she can’t stop the corners of her mouth from turning upwards. that would have been low of him, and she’s glad he agrees.

“forgive me,” she decides to turn it into the latter, a teasing smile on her face. “how can i ever make it up to you?”

"hm,” he bends his finger, signaling for her to lean closer. "maybe a kiss."

lynn quickly decides she doesn't want to point out the fact that her family was nowhere near them. they were alone, and knowing that made her want to kiss him even more. maybe a little part of her wished it was real.

so, she gives in, pressing her lips gently to the corner of his mouth. "feel better?"

"i think the doctor prescribed two.”

"you're pushing it, styles.”

"i know," the pad of his thumb ghosts over her lips. "just missing your mouth."

the words make her stomach turn in way that has her leaning down to kiss him again in hopes of hearing them again. lynn can’t help but wish harry’s lip wasn’t bleeding because she’d definitely let him explore every inch of her mouth with his own.

what had gotten into her?

"consider me healed,” he hums.

"you are," she swipes the ruined rag across his lip one more time for good measure. "no more bleeding."

✮✮✮

"this is so unfair to her," harry feels lynn's words against his shoulder. when he turns to look at her, she's got her eyes focused on jane who's messily eating the chocolate cake he had spent hours decorating to resemble a sunflower.

when he placed the cake in front of her, a huge grin spread across her face, and harry was certain her eyes were glowing brighter than the six candles placed in the center. she pressed her palms to her cheeks, and an excited squeal left her mouth, followed by a hundred 'i love it and i love you's.

"what is?"

"this," her hand moves between them. "us. she loves you, harry."

"everyone loves me," he jokes, but the way lynn's looking at him lets him know that she's not in a joking mood after all.

it’s no secret that harry has an incredibly hard time reading lynn. he failed calculus twice in college, but the course was a thousand times easier than figuring out just how she was feeling inside. she was normally cool and put together, only letting harry see through the cracks of the walls she had built up when everything became a little too much for her to handle.

being here must be hard for her because she lets him see more and more of her everyday. the lynn he met two months ago wouldn't have sat on his lap and cried because his lip was bleeding. no, she would've told him to grow the fuck up and take care of it himself.

now she's sharing an oversized chair with him, knees draped over his. her eyes are misty, and the corners of her mouth are turned upwards into a watery smile as she watches her family from across the patio. he felt so fucking terrible for her.

"i'm not going to be able to walk away from them the way you think i am," his voice is quiet, and he's rubbing soothing circles on her knee. "you shouldn't be worrying about things so far in the future anyway."

"we never talked about any of this stuff, harry," the intensity of her voice matches his, but it’s laced with urgency. almost like the thought of so many unanswered questions has her on the verge of panicking. "when are we going to break up? why are we even going to? how? what's going to happen when jane-"

"blondie, take a breath," he reaches to smooth her hair away from her face, thumbs stretching to wipe away the overflowing tears under her eyes. "we can decide all of that later. why don't we just have fun now?"

"because this is just going to hurt the two people i care about most."

"we'll stay friends," harry decides. "i'll say i realized i'm only attracted to men, and you can get all of the brownie points that come with loving me and supporting me through all of that."

"you're not just going to walk away when all of this is over?"

"of course not," and he wouldn’t dream of it, but he can’t help but think about the fact that if she were to have asked him a month ago, his answer would've been completely different. he's not sure exactly what changed, but harry would be more than a little sad if he never saw lynn again.

"good," she rests her forehead against his shoulder. "i don't think i could handle you going. i care about you too much."

"is that the four dirty martinis from dinner talking?"

"probably, but it’s true," she looks up at him, a smug smile growing on her face. "they’re also telling me that it would be a fantastic idea to have a little kiss right here in front of everyone.”

"oh, we most definitely can’t say no to that, can we?"

nearly every time they've kissed, they've simply just gone for it. maybe they'd warm up with a peck here and touch there, but within a matter of seconds, harry was sucking on lynn's lips like his life depended on it. to be honest, he really couldn't help it. her mouth was always so sweet.

this kiss was different though. lynn had leaned in to him, her fingers pressing into the back of neck to get him close enough to feel her exhales fanning across his mouth.

she stopped there though, not daring to move a centimeter closer for a moment. her eyes fell to his lips before slowly trailing back up to meet his eyes, and then she giggled in a way that sounded so light and happy, harry felt it deep in his stomach.

her lips brushed against his delicately, and he wasn't really sure if they were even there.

"blondie-"

"you've got a bad lip, harry," and then there was another soft kiss. "gotta be gentle."

harry had every intention of listening to her because she was right. the last thing he wanted was for his stupid busted lip to start bleeding and ruin all of their fun. he thought that maybe they'd share a few short kisses and then join the rest of her family before going to bed for the night.

and that is exactly how it starts. there's a lazy kiss, and then two, and then lynn's pulling away to meet harry's eyes before wrapping both her arms around his neck. he's leaning against her with one arm wrapped around her waist and the other pushing deep into the arm of the chair to support all of their weight.

their kisses are long and eager, and he can feel the warmth from the pit in his stomach travel all the way up through his chest and out to his finger tips with each one. his palms are way too sweaty and it feels like his heart’s beating fast enough to push him through the last four hundred meters of a marathon. god, it's been forever since someone's made him feel this way.

the whole scene is definitely far too inappropriate to be occurring in front of lynn's entire family, but he can't seem to stop and neither can she. she's even greedy with it. every time harry pulls away to catch some air, she immediately follows, bringing his lips back to hers. her kisses are messy and frantic, but harry doesn't think he's ever had someone be so soft and easy with him in his entire life.

lynn breaks the kiss, but she keeps her forehead pressed against harry's, holding him against her like she’s scared he’ll run away. she keeps her eyes closed for a second, and harry shamelessly uses it to let his eyes sweep across her face. her lips are red and messy and kissed, and her cheeks are flushed and pink, matching the warmth radiating from her body.

with a heavy breath, she looks up at him with her big, blue eyes, and the sight would definitely have harry collapsing at his knees if he were standing up right. he can feel the way her chest heaves against his own. the way her fingers slide from his neck to his shoulders. the little puffs of air that come from her when she giggles again. he was so fucked.

“fun, wasn’t it?”

"lynn," it's breathy. he really isn't sure how to word it, so he pauses for a moment, scanning her face for any indication that what’s sitting on the tip of his tongue will ruin the relationship they worked so hard on building. "i-"

"there's the birthday girl," both of their heads shoot up to see silas standing near the staircase to the patio with a duffle bag at his feet and a stack of neatly wrapped presents in his hand.

lynn jumps up to greet him, and silas rushes to her in a manner that seems a little more than friendly. he wraps his free arm around lynn's waist just like harry had been doing seconds prior, and lifts her off her feet to spin her in a circle.

"and my favorite girl," his voice is low and meant for only lynn to hear, but the words fall on harry’s ears, too.

harry watches as lynn grins and wraps herself around silas's arm before dragging him to the rest of her family. jane squeals, her sunflower cake long forgotten just like harry was in the garden chair. the entire family crowds around silas, hugging him and kissing his cheeks, and harry knew that no matter how many times lynn curled up in his lap with tears welling up in her eyes, he would never be able to compare to silas.

✰✰✰✰✰

a/n: okaaay all reformatted :D part five will be posted sunday! (maybe monday)

#harry styles #harry #harry styles fic #enemies to friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #dadrry #if you squint #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x oc #harry styles fluff #harry's house #fine line #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles angst #artist!harry #fake dating #fake relationship

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thisisthinprivilege · 1 year

Text

(please publish this anonymously; I don't want my health details out under my name)

I went to the campus health center today. I'm really nervous about going to doctors, because I've had bad experiences with several before, and so I rarely go. But yesterday I got a UTI, so I had to go.

And I was treated amazingly. No dirty looks. No sighs and snide remarks (last time I was there, it was "Looks like you're too heavy for the scale. How much do you weigh?", with a rolling of the eyes). Just compassionate and friendly medicine. My blood pressure was very high when the nurse took it the first time - but when I said I have normal blood pressure, and I was just feeling nervous from the clinical environment, she not only listened, but took it two more times over the course of the appointment (it went down to high-normal the second time, and perfectly normal the third time! If she had kept my first number, my medical chart would have falsely shown me to be suffering from high blood pressure, when actually I'm fine.) When talking to me about the UTI, she didn't attribute it to my size (my mother, when I told her I was going to the clinic: "Well, fat girls get those a lot because they're too big to clean themselves properly"), instead talking to me about my habits and realizing it was probably because I spend long hours studying and sometimes forget to drink enough water and/or take bathroom breaks. And the kicker - in a twenty-minute appointment, she didn't mention my weight once. Not once!!

Afterwards I sat outside waiting for my bus almost in tears, because I'd been treated like a human in a healthcare environment. From the nurse - who was amazing - to the receptionist to the pharmacy techs, everyone was nice and caring and didn't make me feel like shit once. And what does it say about thin privilege, that this was literally the first time in my life as a fat person - 10 years - that I was able to experience that? Before today, I couldn't imagine having a good doctor's visit, without being shamed the entire time (and made to feel like whatever was wrong with me was attributed to my size). Now I can, and it's made me realize just how horrible the usual way is.

Thin privilege is not fighting back tears after a doctor's visit because you can't believe that healthcare professionals treated you well.

(Also intersects with white and class privilege.)

#thin privilege #medical fatphobia

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living-lucid-dream · 2 months

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(EVEN MORE) Blind Pico AU!

After several hours of exhausted sleep oblivion, Pico begins to have a nightmare. He dreams that he is alone and being hunted by somebody or something that speaks in different voices, mimicking his friends and past enemies. He is running down a hallway at his old high school with no windows or doors--only endless rows of lockers. At the end of the hall is a bottomless black pool that will swallow his entire being. He can't stop running because he will be caught by the hunter, but he can't continue because the pool is getting closer and closer....

Just as he is about to fall into the pool, Pico wakes up screaming. This ends up being extra unfortunate because the sudden ear-splitting shrieking jerks Boyfriend out of a dead sleep, startling him enough that he flops off the edge of the bed.

Boyfriend scrambles up off the ground and asks Pico if he is alright. Pico says he's fine and apologizes to Boyfriend for kicking him off the bed. Boyfriend asks him if he's sure and if he needs anything and frets that they slept past when Pico was supposed to have his eyedrops. Embarrassed over Boyfriend's ministrations, Pico insists that he is alright aside from being thirsty and also needing to go to the bathroom.

Boyfriend awkwardly says, "Do you...uh...need help or...?" to which Pico immediately snaps that he can handle that just fine on his own, fuck you very much. Boyfriend says he's sorry and he's just trying to figure all of this out, which only makes Pico feel like a total jerk on top of feeling like an invalid. Pico tells him it's fine and asks Boyfriend if they can just forget that conversation ever happened already.

After Pico takes care of his business (and after Boyfriend helps him put in his eyedrops and empties the drains), Boyfriend asks if he wants him to go get some lunch at--where else?--McDonald's. Pico tells him sure and insists that he will be fine on his own for half an hour.

This turns out to be a filthy lie as, just a few minutes after Boyfriend leaves, Pico trips over a shoe and falls on the floor. After the initial shock wears off (because it turns out that falling directly onto a new surgical incision hurts), Pico quickly discovers that between the incision on his abdomen, the broken ribs, and his arm in a cast, he can't maneuver to get up off the floor. He spends the next twenty minutes or so wallowing in his own mortification, both hoping Boyfriend will come back soon to help while also wishing he could just curl up and die of shame.

Boyfriend does eventually get back to Pico's apartment. He hurries over to Pico as soon as he's in the door, leading to this brilliant exchange:

"WHAT HAPPENED?!?"

"What does it look like?"

"OH MY GOD, DID YOU FALL?!?"

"No, I just decided to lay ass-up on the ground and make out with the floor."

"ARE YOU OK?!?"

"Just peachy."

"Um...if you're OK and you're done making out with the floor (which is really weird and kind of gross), maybe you should...get up off the floor...?"

"Wow, you're really gonna make me spell this out for you, huh?"

"Spell what out for--"

"I CAN'T GET UP, NUMB NUTS!"

"Oh."

Boyfriend helps Pico up off the floor and is alarmed to note that Pico is bleeding. Turns out he pulled out a couple of the staples on his incision when he fell, but the bleeding seems to be slowing down and the incision is OK. Boyfriend helps him clean off the blood and Pico changes into a clean shirt.

Over lunch, Pico decides to address the elephant in the room: "Just to be clear, last night never happened."

Boyfriend asks, "What, the crying or the falling asleep in each other's arms?"

Pico responds, "Both! All of it!"

Boyfriend is a bit hurt by this, but Pico is quick to explain: "What you have with Girlfriend is perfect for both of you. I don't want to do anything to mess that up, and I'm not going to let you do anything to throw that away."

Boyfriend sputters out a confused "What?" so Pico goes on: "I'm your ex, Bee. Even though nothing happened, do you really think Girlfriend would be cool with us sharing a bed?"

Boyfriend tries to insist that Girlfriend would understand, that he knows for a fact that she would be happy about it. Pico scoffs at this and demands to know how Boyfriend can possibly know that 'for a fact.'

Boyfriend squirms and says that he wants to tell Pico but he and Girlfriend agreed they would talk to Pico about it together. Pico asks him if this has anything to do with the thing he and Girlfriend wanted to talk to him about before the concert. Boyfriend tells him it definitely does and that he really, really wants to tell him but that he and Girlfriend made a promise to each other. Then he says, "Speaking of that night...I know you don't remember what happened, but do you have any idea who might have done this?"

Pico tells him there are a LOT of people who were mad at him that night. Boyfriend suggests that they ask Darnell and Nene if they noticed anybody suspicious to which Pico immediately snaps, "NO! I don't want to ask them for anything!"

Boyfriend is taken aback by Pico's vehemence on the matter and asks him why not. Pico then proceeds to tell Boyfriend about his interview with the police while he was in the hospital:

After the standard questions, the police asked him if he recognized either of two objects they had brought with them because Pico was found in a dumpster and these were the only things in the dumpster with him.

Pico flatly responded that no, it was pretty hard to recognize any objects when you can't see anything. The officers told him that they have a silver lighter and a throwing star. Pico asked them if the throwing star had a "Hello Kitty" sticker on it. (It did.) Then he asked them if the lighter had an engraved "D" on it. (It did.) Pico then told the police that he did recognize those things: "They belong to me."

Boyfriend asks, "But don't those belong to Nene and Darnell?"

Pico tells him that yes, they definitely do. (Those were his Christmas presents to them!)

Boyfriend asks Pico why he didn't tell the police who the lighter and throwing star really belonged to. Pico tells him he doesn't know for sure that Darnell and Nene did it--and even if they did, he'd rather deal with it himself than rat them out.

Part One Previous Next

I planned to write more of the AU down in this post, but I've been fighting a migraine all day and this feels like a good spot to stop for now. Never fear; more will be coming soon!

#Friday Night Funkin #FNF #FNF AU #Blind Pico AU #Pico #FNF boyfriend

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hot-take-tournament · 1 year

Note

ngl kind of breaks my heart to see you used one of those ai bot things after the entire vocaloid debate. i really don't like that you did that and i'm a little disappointed. can you please not do that again?

I know - I do need to address this before anything else, because I fucked up

Please read the whole thing

If any of you don't know the context of this ask;

Basically, a while back I used the program AI Dungeon to generate a hot take for fun;

That's the program they use for those chaotic AI videos you find on youtube, like the ai ace attorney clown case and the sonic destruction scripts, which has some absolutely wild moments like these

I just put in a couple one-sentence questions to see what it would give me, not really expecting anything. But the take it did finally give me was not only completely depraved, but also felt like such a weirdly personal attack on me specifically that it left me genuinely speechless.

So, even though I didn't originally intend to do this, I decided to secretly make a poll for it claiming it was a submission, because I thought it might be fun to see if you guys could guess which one of the polls was the fake one, Blade Runner style.

I generated the take on the same day that submissions originally closed, but I only came clean about it last night because I started to feel super guilty about it after reading the vocaloid discourse - but the way I did it was vague, shitty and insincere.

I know it was 4 in the morning and I said I was going to get some sleep when I made the post last night, but after I saw the asks I immediately got about that post - like this one - I instead deleted it after like 2 minutes and spent the next 4-5 hours scouring the internet for as much information about this as I could find so I could get the full picture. This isn't the first time I fucked up on this blog because I didn't do my research, so I think I massively overcompensated - I really didn't want a repeat of that time the master post accidentally triggered multiple people's OCD; I still feel awful about that.

And as a result, I ended up passing out on my bathroom floor, which is why you haven't heard from me in a while.

I did genuinely read all the vocaloid discourse (asks, replies, notes, all of it) - but since I pulled this stunt ages ago, and the secret poll is already up, it was already too late. And it was because of that vocaloid discourse that I felt like it would just make me a hypocrite if I just swept it under the rug and kept quiet while everyone else was talking about the exact same subject, so I decided to just tell you guys as soon as possible because I'd feel shitty if I didn't - but I still phrased that post in a more light-hearted way because that was what I originally intended this whole thing to be, which was definitely a mistake, and I can't apologise enough for that.

And I know I didn't clarify this in that original post, but like I said, the program I used was AI Dungeon, which was something I remembered having fun with back in 2019/2020, spending hours generating unhinged Ace Attorney cases; and I remembered I still had an account from back then when it was still free to play, even though I hadn't touched it in 4 years - and I realised I would still be able to bypass the paywall using it.

I'd also just watched those snapcube Sonic Destruction videos that I linked above and it reminded me of that. And I dug up those old AI Dungeon Ace Attorney cases that I had generated and then recreated in objection i.o. back when I was 17/18, and had been sitting on my old computer's hard drive for ever since - and they still made me smile a little. So that's how I got the impulse to do this.

And that's also why, even though I knew about the writer's strike and do fully support it, it just didn't occur to me that the AI that gave us that same insane Sonic Destruction script that I'd just watched would be one of the programs the writers were striking over - I just assumed that it was only programs like ChatGPT, that can produce coherent scripts based on the accumulated information users feed into it; because those are programs that could definitely potentially be used to replace human writers. That's something AI Dungeon can't do, because it doesn't retain user input after you shut it down.

So I just saw AI Dungeon as that goofy ass confused AI that I loved as a kid, the one that provides insanely weird responses out of the blue as it desperately tries to cobble together a narrative, and it was used in videos that I still really like. And I thought it would be fine.

That was how I justified it at the time - but in hindsight, given how much I hate other GPT programs like ChatGPT, as well as AI art and all other generated content overall, it just makes me even more of a stupid hypocrite for making an exception for this one simply because I was blinded by nostalgia, and not bothering to look it up back then like I should've done. Because at the end of the day, a GPT program is a GPT program.

SO - Here's what I found online while reading up on it last night:

Because of the outdated GPT model AI Dungeon runs on, it isn't possible from a technical standpoint for it to learn like ChatGPT does. Even though it still uses a dataset, as far as I can tell it genuinely can't add to that dataset from user input except for when it explicitly asks for feedback (rarely, it will generate two responses instead of one, and ask you to pick the best one so it can learn - but you can turn that feature off.) And while it does try to learn while you're using it, it can't carry that information over between sessions. So even if you reload the same page again, it won't retain what it learned last time.

(Here's some information I found while combing ancient reddit threads that explains this better than I can)

But even if all of that is true, it doesn't matter.

Latitude, the developers of AI Dungeon, are super fucking scummy, and you shouldn't support them.

If you want to look up all of the many, many controversies surrounding AI Dungeon, you can - but I won't link them here, because serious content warnings apply.

Do not use this program.

I really hope the anon who sent this ask - and everyone else who called me out on this - stuck around, because I am so, so grateful that you all sent these, otherwise I probably would never have known.

I deleted the post almost instantly (because like I said, it was too light-hearted), and I'm really glad I did. And I swear I won't pull this shit again.

I know a lot of you hate the fact that I did this - that original post genuinely got me blocked by more of you guys than every single one of the polls combined - which is totally fair, and I wouldn't blame any of you for doing the same now.

I really just want to move on from this - but I can't just pretend that it didn't happen.

Support the writer's strike, don't use any AI programs.

I'm really sorry about this, and the fact that I didn't take it seriously enough - like I said, I promise it won't happen again.

</3

#asks #not a poll

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icequeenbae · 2 years

Text

Now or Never (m) KIS KSW

Pairing: Rowoon (Seokwoo) x Reader x Inseong

Polyamory AU, Established Relationship, PWP, fluff, smut

Warnings: explicit content, unprotected sex, softdomvibes!Inseong, creampie, threesome, facesitting (messy oral, I warned ya)

Word Count: ~4.5k

Summary: If your partner is ignoring your needs, is there anything better than having another partner to tend to them?

Author’s note: Hi hi hi!! I feel like I haven't been posting for ages, so I'm super happy to finally be back ❤️ So... This time I bring something different (big thanks to my beta @baekshoney for bearing with me 🙃). AHHH so nerve-wrecking!! Anyways, this is my first non-EXO (non-Baekhyun??) story on here, which I had dusting in my gdocs for some time. Since I am about to hit 500 followers, I felt like it is as good of a time as any to experiment a little~ I really really hope that you enjoy it! Don't worry, Baekhyun stories are also coming!!

Since it is a different fandom, I just want to state my usual greetings - I am Ri, very chatty and welcoming of all asks/ comments/ questions etc., please don't be shy to reach out! Okay, it's getting too long, I'll just leave you to it hehe

It has been two hours. Two torturous hours since you’d gotten home, ready to pounce, and your boyfriend Seokwoo was still not giving you anything but crumbs. Apparently, his friends waited for weeks for this day to come since he was too busy to play during the promotions, and now he was gaming like crazy for much longer than you were willing to tolerate.

At first, you took the opportunity to soak in a nice hot bath and take a relaxing shower. Then you took your time applying all of the skincare, hair products and whatnot to give him some extra time to finish up. You checked on him while your face mask was on, yet his session didn’t seem to be nearing an end. When you were all done (and slightly disappointed by the lack of attention), you rejoined him on the living room couch, looking for ways to distract him and coerce him to call it a day for his gaming. However, your advances didn’t produce much of an impact: Seokwoo simply nodded, asking you to wait for a bit longer.

He didn’t even glance your way. His eyes were glued to the screen the entire time you were ‘interacting’. Seokwoo was so deep into his game that he didn’t even notice the way you glared at him for 10 minutes straight before the noise came from the entrance.

‘Kids, I’m home!’

At this time, you were quite upset, so you weren’t in a rush to respond to Inseong, who was probably headed straight to the bathroom anyways. He had developed this habit of jumping in the shower as soon as he arrived home, probably because he became a sloth soon after – too lazy to remove his makeup or wash up. It was kind of endearing, the way he fell asleep in a matter of seconds sometimes, but personal hygiene was also a thing.

With the little patience you could muster, you waited for your older partner to finish his routine and proceed to the bedroom in order to put his home clothes on. But as Seokwoo continued to ignore all of your signals – the uncharacteristic pouting (you usually made use of it with his hyung instead), the hand on his thigh, the audible fuming – you were growing more and more frustrated.

You simply wanted him to spend some time with you! It was his fault too that you were this spoiled, basking in the ocean of his affection along with Inseong’s most of the time. The two of them were usually extremely clingy, and despite them being back home for several days already, you had hoped that their neediness would match yours and last for a bit longer.

And here you were, angry almost to tears from being completely ignored for the whole evening, especially after the extensive wait prior to this. Still, you were determined to get your share of attention in this house, one way or another.

The fact that Seokwoo simply gave you a casual pat on the butt when you stood up to leave only aggravated you further.

When you trudged into the bedroom, you were greeted with the familiar sight of your significant other splayed on the bed in just his shirt and sweats. His blond hair was a mess, his eyes were closed and his phone was on his chest. He was going to check something on there and then just decided to laze about for a minute, you figured. The sloth in him prevailed once again.

‘Oppa, are you asleep?’ You murmured, climbing onto the bed and taking a spot right next to him.

Flush to his side, you laid your head on his chest, and hugged him with both your right arm and right leg. The reciprocation of your gesture was instant, and his arm curled around your back, somehow tugging you even closer to him.

‘No, I was just going to join you,’ he replied, giggling softly as soon as you pressed an intense kiss to his neck. ‘What’s that about? Missed me?’

Inseong laughed in the charming way he did before looking at you with one eye. He caught the expression on your face way too quickly.

‘Why are you sulking?’

Multiplying your already exaggerated pout, you huffed and hid your face in his chest.

‘Seokwoo is ignoring me. All night.’

Reaching for your hair, Inseong brushed it away from your face and poked your cheek playfully. You huffed again like an angry little hedgehog.

‘Did you two have a fight?’

His tone was affable, and your defensiveness was down for the time being.

‘No. He’s… playing games!’ You frowned. ‘Instead of playing with me.’

‘I see,’ he hummed knowingly, digging his nose into your hair and inhaling deeply. ‘So, you’ve been pampering yourself all evening, and he gave you no attention at all?’

‘Yes!’ You replied begrudgingly.

This time, he didn’t give an immediate response. You lay there for a long minute, with his fingers brushing through your locks steadily. It was calming, you could not argue. There was something about Inseong that made you go mellow like this. He was chaotic at times, but when he was in his lazy domestic mood, you two would be melting together like two scoops of ice-cream on a pretty little plate.

And Seokwoo could very well be the plate. Since he was pretty and also unyielding (to your desires and whatever else) on days like this. Oh, you just wanted to smack his dumb little head every so often! What a meanie. He probably didn’t even notice that you weren’t around anymore, so your time was certainly better spent with someone who at least didn’t refuse to hold you for a good minute.

Acting all childish wasn’t something you did often, but sometimes a girl had to get what a girl wanted. And thankfully, it happened to work great on Inseong, who was a couple years older. Maybe it was him having a soft spot for you that made you this demanding, but who cared?

‘Cute.’ The blond finally replied. ‘You two can never stay out of trouble without the adults at home. It’s either fucking or fighting, no in between.’

‘Sometimes we’re playing around,’ you offered, cheeks suddenly getting heated at his comment.

Inseong snickered, chest shaking underneath your head.

‘I know how you ‘play around’. It counts as fucking, aegiya.’

You squirmed, feeling like you were trapped in rich honey. The hand that was patting your hair moments ago was now gently stroking the curve of your back, making your whole body tremble with excitement already. It wasn’t even anything special, but it was Inseong. His touch was just magical like this.

Relaxing in his arms and inhaling his fresh scent, you slowly turned into a purring kitty. The disappointment you felt from Seokwoo not giving you an ounce of his time this evening faded away, and you eagerly allowed your hand to snake under your elder’s shirt.

He hummed as his warm skin welcomed the caress of your fingertips, and you gripped his pec impishly. Both of you loved skinship a lot, so for some time it was just squeezing, and stroking, and rubbing, and hugging… You groped each other all over in a lazily sensual pattern, the tension growing just as steadily as Inseong’s boner underneath your palm. He startled you though, by reaching down and pressing two of his fingers to your clit.

You moaned before you could help it.

The shirt you were still wearing was all folded over your exposed breasts, so Inseong leaned in to press a wet kiss to your nipple. You squirmed, entangling your hand in his hair, and sort of pulling him closer. If that was even possible.

‘Mm, why are you wearing a thong at home?’ He murmured, licking at it broadly, leaving a moist trail over your breast.

‘Because my oppa is a pervert,’ you teased with a naughty smile, which quickly fell when he tapped you on the pussy.

‘Don’t be a brat,’ he warned in a singsongy tone, and circled your nub with just his middle finger.

The exhale that escaped your lungs was too breathy not to indicate your current state. But Inseong didn’t require any hints. He knew your body better than he knew his own, so pushing your buttons in the most efficient way came easy to him.

‘Next time don’t even bother wearing them,’ the blond continued, two of his fingers crawling underneath the triangle of fabric over your pubic bone to rub between your wet folds. ‘If you aim to please oppa.’

The soft squelch followed, and you moaned again, bucking your hips forward. Inseong smiled at your reaction, repeating his action a couple times to stimulate you further. You huffed impatiently, fingers digging into his deltoid, and presented the advanced version of your pout. It was a sort of ‘innocent baby girl wanting to get messed up by daddy’ kind of look. Very fitting for the current state of affairs, where you were reduced to watching him play with your pussy, all while wanting to curse him out to have him speed it up.

You’d had enough of waiting for tonight. It was time to be taken, and if anyone was to know better, it was him.

‘Inseongie,’ you called, skipping the honorific on purpose.

He knew it meant you were in a different state of mind already, too impatient to drag it out. So, he rolled his pants down, pressing your palm to his length.

‘You don’t have to wait for much longer, Y/N-ie,’ he murmured, voice sounding salacious without him even intending it.

There was just this… aura to him. Inseong could say the most mundane little thing, and not even mean for it to sound seductive, and still your body would react. And since it has been a long evening so far (of you being left unsatisfied), you were grateful that it was him. Because while Seokwoo preferred to take his time and essentially marinate you in his love (when he wasn’t too busy ignoring your very existence), Inseong was more impulsive in his lovemaking. He was less intense, but more… present. And while Seokwoo took you to another realm and made it an experience in itself, Inseong got things done. Exactly the way you wanted them done.

It didn’t even startle you when he suddenly pushed into you from behind, holding you by the waist. He stayed unmoving for a few seconds, helping you get your shirt off for good, and then tugged you so close your back ended up glued to his chest. Always his little dessert spoon.

He set a medium pace, his breath fanning over your ear just as steadily as his hips rolled into yours.

‘Mh-m,’ you moaned through your sealed lips, crazy about the wetness echoing in his every motion to pull out and slip back in.

You could picture his juice-covered cock from just hearing that. Saliva filled your mouth driven by instinct, and you gulped, reaching back to at least get a handful of his ass while at it. As if hearing you swallow, Inseong suddenly brought his hand up and traced your lower lip with his index finger. Shoving it into your mouth along with his middle finger, he urged you to give him a good suck. Pushing his fingers in and out, as if imitating oral sex, he made you drool even more.

Content with how well you lubricated his fingers, he brought them back to your nipple, making sure to press on it while squeezing your whole breast. You shivered.

‘Should I just go all in, baby?’ He inquired, slowing down, and you nodded frantically. ‘Okay. I’m not pulling out either.’

He chuckled at the way your nose scrunched up. You did enjoy raw sex, and having some cream on your cake was fine on any day. But having two boyfriends (who sometimes got pettily competitive) usually ended up in your whole crotch covered in cum. Also your butt crack, and your thighs, your boobs… sometimes it got smeared over your entire body. These boys could get so messy that afterwards you were in for an urgent shower and dealing with the laundry, even though you could barely keep your eyes open. It was helpful that there were two of them, but they were also double trouble.

When Inseong changed the position, it became a lot more… a lot more.

Your left leg was between his, and your right one was in the air, supported by your partner. Inseong pressed down on it to spread you open, and you knew he meant business in just a few moments – when he adjusted.

‘Ah-h!’ You couldn’t hold back your yelps any longer, getting louder with every thrust.

It was hard to reach for him in this position, so you tugged on your own locks instead, arching your back. Your shaky hand found the firm flesh of his thigh, and you held onto it for dear life and he snapped into you so hard your entire body bounced off the mattress.

‘Seongie- yes, yes-’

You were simply pleading at this point, the muscles of your core quivering around his cock.

‘Enjoying the show?’ Inseong suddenly asked, not wavering in his rhythm.

Blinking through the blurriness in your eyes, you looked up at his sweaty chest and then face, noticing a figure right behind him.

Seokwoo was right there in the doorway, watching you intently as you fucked.

‘Ah!’ You shrieked, a lightning bolt of pleasure hitting you in that very second.

Inseong kept your thighs open, pressing you down into the covers forcefully to use your orgasm to trigger his own. It only took him a few seconds to catch up.

‘Oppa-’ you cried, and he growled through the hammering of his thrusts, which kept filling you with more and more of his seed.

He wasn’t in a hurry to get off of your limp body once he was done, planting lazy kisses over your collarbone instead. Your weak arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he stroked your thigh. It was a cuddling session all over again.

It was cut short by a begrudged hum.

‘Aren’t you done yet?’

Seokwoo was the one who wanted attention now. How ironic.

‘What’s with the tone?’ Inseong inquired, knowingly furthering his donsaeng’s frustration.

‘Hyung! You could’ve waited for me, you know?’ He said, approaching the bed with his arms crossed.

‘Why would I?’ He snickered, lying down on his back comfortably, not even bothering to cover himself up.

Inseong toyed with people in the most infuriating, innocent, and arousing way. Always.

‘Noona,’ Seokwoo called helplessly.

But you ignored him, looking up at the blond next to you.

‘Now he remembers I exist.’

‘Sure he does. Raging boners tend to redirect your attention.’

Seokwoo pursed his lips together in frustration, looking down at the very obvious giveaway of his body.

He looked kinda cute when he was mad like this, so you gave a gentle nudge to Inseong, urging him to play with the junior some more. ‘Maybe he just likes to watch. We can give this punk another front row seat to the performance, can’t we?’

‘You’re so naughty, oppa. You know how wet and sensitive I am still…’

‘Yes. I could dive right in…’

‘Noona-ah!’ Seokwoo whined, pushing through to get between you and Inseong. ‘This isn’t fair. Why is he getting all of you?’

‘Missed your train tonight, aegi.’ You huffed, shoving him back to fall on his butt with the ball of your foot. ‘Go back to ignoring me and see how sad I am about it.’

‘I’m sorry, I just got carried away…’ He mumbled breathily, finding ways to touch your thigh discreetly with the pads of his fingers. ‘I can make it up to you.’

You met Inseong’s eyes, and despite his neutral expression, you could tell he was just as curious as you were.

‘Like how?’ You inquired, feigning indifference.

‘How would you like me to do it?’ He asked, and both you and Inseong rolled your eyes.

‘Seriously,’ Inseong sighed dramatically. ‘He has to be told what to do. Do you want hyung to give you instructions too?’

He only said that to tease his junior, but there was something in the way he phrased it… That had you bite your lip to deal with the raise in tension. And Inseong noticed.

‘On a second thought… Why not?’

Both of you turned to the blond now.

‘Strip, Seokwoo-yah. And make it entertaining for your noona.’

The pause didn’t last long, and you heard the ruffle of fabric as the taller one began to get rid of his clothes. He tried to do it slowly, in a more sensual way, one could assume, but it seemed slightly awkward and rushed. His long limbs demonstrated very little grace in setting themselves free, and your cold façade almost got destroyed with a chuckle.

Did he have to be so tall, clumsy and adorable?

Biting into your cheek from the inside of your mouth, you held it in. Inseong’s hand wandered across your breast.

‘You’re easily excitable,’ he murmured into your ear, and you squirmed from the tickling warmth of his breath.

Why were you turned on again this quickly? Whether it was the scent of Inseong’s sweat in the air and his cum dripping out of you, or Seokwoo’s toned body and delicious bronze skin in front of you, you had no idea. But it was clear that you wouldn’t refuse speeding things up at this point.

Inseong must have been reading your mind, because he reached out to grab Seokwoo’s wrist and pulled him onto the bed again.

‘Lie down. On your back.’

You watched with deep curiosity how he bossed the younger around. Usually, Inseong was quite soft-handed. He could take the lead at times, since he was older, but mostly preferred to live a life of a marshmallow. So now, as he had set out to help you ‘punish’ Seokwoo for his cold manner, you were suddenly coming to terms with finding this hot. Maybe a thing to bring up next time?

The blond turned his head to look at you.

‘Sit on his face.’ His tone was soft, yet the suggestion seemed bold.

‘Huh?’ You looked down on autopilot, thinking back about the semen smeared all over your pussy now.

The fact is, Seokwoo was quite used to his hyung’s cum on him, since they both got pretty messy taking turns. But it wasn’t usually anywhere close to his face. You were wondering…

‘Aren’t we teaching him a lesson?’ Inseong asked, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear in a casually flirty way he had about him. ‘He wants a go. Might as well clean you up first.’

You gulped at the thought of Seokwoo’s mouth on your cum-stained labia. Inseong visibly enjoyed your reaction, and it didn’t go unnoticed by the younger one either – he tugged at your wrist impatiently.

‘I’ll do it, noona. Please.’

Hesitating for a moment, you wanted to ask if he was sure. But if the apparent twitch of his cock and the restless licking of his lips were any indication, he was quite into it already. You quickly assumed the role you were offered.

‘What makes you think you deserve to do even that?’ You chuckled, raising an eyebrow at him.

Inseong snickered behind your back, enjoying the scene in front of him.

‘Don’t be so mean, sweetness,’ he murmured, the tip of his nose tickling your ear. ‘He knows exactly what he’s getting. He saw all of it happen.’

Thinking back to the way Seokwoo lurked in the door, watching Inseong fuck you into total bliss, you cocked your head to the side, looking at the blond’s lips.

‘I guess if he doesn’t impress me… He could always go back to watching, right?’

The question sent an electric charge through the air, and, as soon as Inseong nodded, you threw your leg over Seokwoo’s chest. Taking the right position didn’t require much time, although you were cautious not to smother him.

Seokwoo, however, didn’t seem to care about breathing whatsoever.

He buried his whole face in your vulva as soon as you sat down. You pursed your lips to contain a yelp and inhaled, feeling much less powerful now that he was holding your hips in a tight lock of his arms. The younger’s full lips worked hard, exploring your wet folds. When suddenly his tongue dipped inside you aggressively, there was no way to hold yourself back.

‘Agh!’ You gasped, pressing your palms into the wall in front of you.

The taller one continued with even more fervor. He clearly aimed to coerce more of these reactions out of you, and his technique was about to bring him success. You could hear his muffled breathing, and the slurping sounds he produced, and the low hums from a deep place in his chest… It was all too much to handle.

‘Seokwoo-ya-ah,’ you moaned, bucking your hips forward with the help of his palms on your ass.

Inseong bent over reaching for your inner thigh to get a better look, but the younger one smacked his hand away unapologetically.

‘Like a hungry lion,’ the blond snorted. ‘Seems like you’re his prey now, Y/N-ie.’

Turning to him like a hungry lioness yourself, you licked your dry lips.

‘Put your cock in my mouth,’ you demanded, and he smiled, giving your face a broad stroke up to your ear as if you were his pet.

Instead of giving you an answer, Inseong looked down at something behind you. It could only be assumed that it was the younger’s crotch. But before he could say anything, Seokwoo lost his resolve completely, suddenly pushing you off of himself and onto the bed.

It didn’t take you much longer than a second to register his rock-solid cock, bouncing against his lower stomach. Slightly surprised that he got this hard with zero touching, you were ambushed by his quick move to grasp you and likely get you on all fours.

Fighting him off playfully, you twisted and wriggled, not allowing him to lay you on your belly. As usual, he was careful not to hurt you, and you used your size difference to your advantage. He conceded all of the hits and shoves, determined to get you in his hold by catching your wrists. But soon he had to simply pin you down on the bed, using both force and his body mass. Finally submitting to his weight on top of you and showing your teeth in a defeated smile, you dug into his hair with one hand, battling his grip.

Kim Seokwoo loved when you touched his hair. The gentle scratch of your nails against his scalp almost sent him into ecstasy every time, so he hurriedly pushed into you before it was too late. You cried out, even though it didn’t hurt, and he pulled back slowly, eyes trained on your face.

‘Deep and hard,’ you told him, sounding hoarse and slightly desperate. ‘Make me come quickly.’

He swallowed, pecking you on the lips swiftly, and slammed back into you. After a round with Inseong and a torturous oral with Seokwoo, your pussy was so swollen and tender that you could barely stand the abrupt contact it was making with his skin. Squealing and grasping, you left superficial scratches on his back as your hands traveled down the curve of it.

His glutes were flexing rhythmically underneath your palms, and you were almost hypnotized by the way his tongue ran over his luscious lips. The mole on his chin added to your madness, and you grabbed his neck with one hand to plant a kiss over it. He wasn’t satisfied with just that, and his tongue slipped between your lips, momentarily taking over.

Whining into his mouth, you allowed him to devour you, while his hips continued hammering you down. It wasn’t his usual style, but your request (order?) was to make you come quickly, so he knew you were not in the mood for a slow session. And testing your patience was definitely a challenge for another day. Thus, he used all of his athletic ability to keep the intensity of his thrusts high, making your walls start to pulse in a familiar way around him.

‘Noona…’ He sighed, gripping you tighter as his movements became rougher.

‘Mm-ah,’ you jolted in his arms, body trembling uncontrollably.

A sling of curses followed, and you fist pressed into his shoulder in an attempt to get some distance between you. But he kept going, spurred on by your high-pitched moans, and in mere seconds you heard his breathy groan. Keening at the feeling of his seed flooding your insides and dripping out slowly when he rocked back and forth gently, you threw your head back. Seokwoo slipped out of you, moving down to rest his head on your exposed chest for a few moments, and you went with the flow.

Some time later, your trance was disrupted by the rustle of tissues.

Opening your eyes and turning to the side, you saw Inseong, who was wiping what could only be cum off of his stomach.

‘Oppa?’ You called, attracting Seokwoo’s attention as well, despite him almost dozing off on top of you.

Inseong met your eyes and chuckled.

‘What? You didn’t think I was gonna watch you and not get off?’

You motioned for him to join you.

‘I want cuddles.’

‘Yes, princess,’ he replied, throwing the used tissues on the floor without a care before scooting closer to you.

Seokwoo rolled off of you with slight displeasure, and Inseong tugged at the duvet to get it from under you. He knew you were getting cold quickly after sex, so the first thing he did after cleaning up was wrapping you in the covers. When all three of you were tucked underneath, the blond immediately clung to you from behind, intertwining your legs.

Seokwoo turned away already since he liked to lie on his side as well, but his bare back seemed quite lonely at this time. You traced his spine with your index finger slowly.

‘What lesson have you learned today?’ You asked him in a semi-stern tone.

‘I shouldn’t have ignored noona,’ he mumbled in response, sounding like a scolded puppy.

‘Are you gonna do this again?’ You asked, and were met with silence. ‘Hm?’

‘No..?’ He replied, and you huffed at the response.

‘He’s gonna toy with you even now,’ Inseong laughed, and you shoved at Seokwoo’s shoulder blade with your fist.

‘Yah, is that your final answer-’

‘I love you, noona!’ He interrupted, melting your anger away with the sucker punch phrase. ‘Please love me back.’

‘Ugh, this little-’ You rolled your eyes, unable to remain strict at all.

Inseong nudged your butt forward, and you got closer to the younger one’s body. Sighing, you finally wrapped your arms around his waist, accepting him as the (giant) little spoon. He instantly became a purring mess in front of you, stroking the arm you were hugging him with.

‘I guess it’s better late than never…’ You muttered, placing a soft kiss between his shoulder blades. Just like that, you officially made up.

Masterlist

A/N: Not gonna lie, I'm dying for some feedback. It feels like I'm posting my first story ever, I was very uncertain about posting it 🙃 I do hope that there are many SF9 stans out there to enjoy this, but I haven't interacted with many (which I would love to). There are some other sf9 stories coming along... with different pairings (cz I'm a hoe? lol) Anyways, let me know what you think! Also, my masterlist is now mostly EXO, but check it out if you're interested~

P.S. Not at me rushing to post the story because I was just hanging out with Dawon in my dream today lmao Can't disappoint my bestie 😂😂😂

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