#i also would like to point out I never accused Jared (or Jensen) of being homophobic…

[grabtherain]

I hate working with you, by the way. (GN Reader x Jensen Ackles)

Disclaimer: Before you even read the summary, I want you guys to know that this is inspired off the gif you see above. Due to this, I will not be including anyone's partners. I love the wives that keep the SPNfam going, and I respect them deeply, so there will be no affairs or any of the sort in this work of fiction.

Summary: Y/N is new to the set of Supernatural, this being said, they have absolutely no idea how to deal with the men on set. From their constant bickering, to out right fights, to them simply looking at Y/N through the camera lens to make them laugh- Y/N is at a loss. That is until they throw the boys a taste of their own medicine, and Jensen takes a notice.

CW: Bad jokes, cursing, random author notes

"And action!" You had gotten so use to the soft yell that came before the loud ass film slate 'click'- neither seemed to bother you anymore. You could reminisce in the days in film school when the film slate was the bane of your existence. Every time it slapped down, your body would jolt and your body camera would follow, making your editing later pure hell: almost every scene. It was a habit that you surprisingly got rid of, with determination, when you were hired for the set of Supernatural. The TV show that seemingly gained success overnight, or as the most of the team jokes, it never truly got off the ground. You, however, had loved the show since you first laid your eyes on it in season one. It wasn't just the dialogue or the extremely hot actors that seemingly made everything a little more enjoyable, that got your attention. The cinematography on the show was before its time and only continued to get better as the seasons continued.

Jeff actually had mentioned that your love for the cinematography and your knowledge on the movie references was one of the reasons he hired you. Though you would explain to your parents that it was "because of [your] natural ability to lead a room."

"Lead a room my ass." You whispered under your breath as everyone on set, reset for a fifth time on this one scene. For some reason Jared, Jensen, and Misha were exceptionally happy on the set today. Usually you would bask in the glory of everyone being on the same page, but you also knew that days like these meant a big block of footage that went straight to the bloopers pile. A pile you would be tasked to file through later that night.

"Jared isn't reading his lines right." Misha pointed an accusing finger at Jared, his eyes moving to yours behind the camera. You believed it was because you were the only one not having to move- though months later you would find out the real reason. A reason that wasn't truly at your expense. The attention still threw you off guard, your face moving similarly to a blow fish. (Handsomely beautiful of course)

"Wow, stunning the new crew already Misha. Low blow for an angel." Jared called back as he returned to his marked position on the floor, a classic laugh rolling out of his mouth. Your eyes fell to him as he spoke, instinctively, your eyes moved to Jensen next. Expecting. Though, Jensen remained silent as he concentrated on perfectly fitting the 'T' mark between his feet.

"Alright everybody set?" The set director called as he held up the film slate, his eyes meeting yours. His tone sent a shiver up your spine, as his eyes seemed unreasonably cold. Was he blaming you for the boys messing around? You're an innocent soul! Holding back an eye roll, you gave the judgmental eyes a small nod. Noting his passive aggressive tone as something to rant about later.

With another clack of the board, the men were moving around set again. 'This is the one' you thought as you moved along with the three for a close up shot. Just hold your breath and this scene will be over in no time. Five more seconds- suddenly Misha eyes were turning back to meet the camera, then Jared was leaning in to make one of the oddest expressions you've seen him make. Lastly, Jensen made the long stride to get in between them- smiling so creepily at you, you held back a laugh.

"God dammit." You heard one of your coworkers mutter behind you as the set director yelled 'reset.' Now the words that would shortly fall from your mouth were not well thought out.

This is the part where you want to crawl into a hole, or where you try to manifest a different ending late at night in your bed. However, you did say it- and boy did you say it with sarcasm that reeked of 'Sassy Sam Season Two'. "I hate working with you, by the way." The quote was directly pulled from the bloopers filmed earlier that week with Misha, the tone ripped from drunk Sam calling Dean bossy, and the facial expression mocking a smolder. You hit every point. However, the eyes that stared back at you through the camera- they pierced you with a green tip.

Everyone else around you burst into unexpected, but hoped for laughter. "Hell yeah! That was good Y/N." Misha clapped your back as the judging eyes of your set director seemed to soften. It felt like the hazing of being new to the crew- just disappeared. "Jared I think they have better come backs than you." Misha's claim was bold- even you could recognize that.

Jared's face blowed like yours had earlier, "Yeah right Mish! They've got years of training with me to go through before that." The two figures stood beside you- Jared's tall ass making you have to look up, but you couldn't. Your eyes were stuck on the green ones in your camera. Did you say the wrong thing? Did he not get it? Your shoulders tensed as your eyes rose from the screen and went to meet Jensen's personally. But he wouldn't look at you. Jared seemed to have notice the stress located in your muscle. "Jensen, can you believe Y/N remembered Mish's comment earlier- better than you remember lines." The comment snapped Jensen's eyes up to yours- though they were quickly ripped away to meet Jared.

"Oh, you asshole." Jensen laughed genuinely as he strode towards Jared- head locking him as best as he could. Everyone remained in a good mood after your comment, the rest of the shoot didn't drag like it did before. You would even say that the boy's did their scenes better after all tension was gone within the crew. Like a ghost- even behind the cameras you could tell the unspoken haunted the men, but after your joke, that was gone.

Well except for with you and Jensen. The two of you had truly never spoken much, not because you were on bad terms, but specifically because he terrified you. You could easily admit, to anyone, that your crush on the actor had almost caused you to not take the job on Supernatural. I mean, how could you be expected to act normal when you watched some of the most beautiful shots- some of the most inspiring cinematography- with his face in them. From this point you had learned to separate Dean's emotion from Jensen's face, but when you caught sight of his eyes on your camera display- you couldn't break the sense that that was Jensen. Not Dean looking back through the lens. You decided to go apologize to him once his scenes were over for the day, though to make sure you weren't intruding on his personal time- you didn't wait too long after the last set. "Jensen!" You called out after setting up your camera equipment for the night.

The only lights that shown on the outdoor set were the ones in the parking lot of the cast's trailers- you would be leaving soon to head to the near by hotel you had grabbed. Your hair was thrown back by the unnecessary wind of Vancouver- your wind burn from yesterday's filming still leaving your cheeks a soft pink. Your voice cut successfully through the air, causing Jensen to pause in his walk to the makeup trailer to turn and look at you. If you had known such beautiful eyes would be looking at you so much today- you would've traded your ripped black jeans and oversized black sweater for something more....just better? Hell, if you knew Jensen would be looking at you so much today, you would've called in sick- for eternity.

"Oh- Y/N," His voice wavered in confusion- his body swiveling with the same uncertainty that he held in his face. "What's up?" It was short, clipped, and overall just made your heart pound more.

Shit- you really had pissed him off earlier hadn't you. Any other time he had spoken to the crew, their presence was met with a huge smile that met the man's eyes. You were met with an almost shy posture that made you want to disappear. "I uhm-" Oh now here you are, stuttering as you continue your cautious steps towards him. You really should've waited till you were near him to get his attention. You filled your graveled steps with purpose, "I wanted to talk about what I had said earlier. About working with you." You clarified at the end, but you knew you didn't have to because you didn't say much on the set anyway. By the end of your sentence, and the beginning of your new worries- you and Jensen were at a conversational distance. Not too close. Not too far. Close enough however, to feel Jensen's eyes trail over you as if it were someone's hands.

"Oh, well it was a good joke kid." Jensen said dismissively. Though your head tilted slightly at the clipped way he still spoke to you, as if it pained him to speak.

"Listen Jensen, if I upset you in any way, I'm truly sorry." You spoke as confidently as you could, your eyebrows scrunching together to show the pain you had from regret- a pain you thought you found in his voice. "Honestly, I just thought it would hit with everyone. Since the reference was new and all with Misha. Though, I didn't consider how rude it could sound to someone who didn't get the joke." Stop Y/N, you're rambling. "That's all my fault, especially since we aren't even that close. A joke like that could ruin career relations and obviously that's the last thing I want to happen. I mean- what if someone snuck on set and heard me say that! They would think you were horrible to employees-" What the hell are you even saying?

"Y/N," Jensen cut you off- in hopes to put you out of your own misery, perhaps? Jensen let out a soft chuckle, looking down to shuffle his feet in the same gravel you had confidently strode across to meet him. His head tilted slightly, like yours had before, "Your joke was better than half the ones me and the guys make. It landed better than almost all the ones me and the guys make." He concluded as he took a small step forward, causing your breath to hitch. Your own eyes began to wonder- in confusion and intrigue. "I wasn't hurt by it- I was..." his voice trailed off as if he was looking for the right word. "I, fucking, loved it." He finished as he locked your eyes.

Your eyebrows shot right up in total shock, no way was the Jensen Ackles complimenting you. No way were his words also giving a double meaning like a photograph's true meaning- hidden in plain sight. "Clear words please." You breathed out, your voice raspy from holding back air for so long. You truly believed the man would somehow fire you. You could read through the pixels of a photo or video, but words- they weren't your thing.

Your sentence made that bright smile you hoped for earlier- fall right on to Jensen's lips, "What I'm saying is- I liked the hell out of your joke. It made me realize something- you're someone I could get along with. Someone I'd like to learn a little more about." If you could have a translator beside you at this moment, you were sure even they would look at you stupid for not understanding the obvious flirting. To your defense, you didn't know a joke could hold so much romantic weight.

"My joke made you realize all of that?" You questioned honestly, though to make sure your teasing didn't send the actor away- you made another bold step forward. At this point, one foot was between his as your other stood beside one of his own- your face tilted slightly away. 'Still a sociable distance,' you thought as your eyes tried to trace his features.

Jensen's own breath caught in his throat, "Your joke- was the last straw of my restraint." He finished as his eyes seemed to strain like yours.

Holy balls, no way has the Jensen Ackles been having his eyes on you. Your jaw clenched as the nerves in your body built up- the confidence leaving your bones as you took a slight step back. "Well uhm- I'm glad we could have that talk," You went to say your goodbye but Jensen stopped your misery once again.

"We can talk more over drinks some time?" There was hope in those soft eyes- the eyes you had been ignoring for weeks. "Being in Vancouver for 11 years- I know a couple places." Jensen spoke as if trying to convince you- oh if only he knew that you were ready to go before he even suggested it. Though you had to act cool...or try at least.

"You know what," You paused for effect that you knew usually added confidence when seen on film- "I'd love that." You smiled softly, a smile that made your cheeks squish your eyes. If the smile didn't show your happiness, the laugh that left you at Jensen's tiny fist bump- definitely did.

How could you possibly hate working with him?

Author's Note: Honestly implementing Y/N into the Supernatural space was really hard for me, but I think I gave it my best shot. While writing this I listened to the entire Supernatural soundtrack sooooo- yeah I am crying what about it.

[incarnateirony]

What/who is 2po and what is M&G? I see them in your posts a lot and I can't come up with the definition for the life of me 💜

2po: Fandom misinformation troll. Uses the name TeamFreeWill2pointO (tumblr)/TFW2pointo(twitter) to lure in unsuspecting fans while putting on an I Ship Destiel badge, but his wall is nothing but Jared praise, shitting down on Destiel, saying it has to stay in subtext, and blaming hellers for everything, but he feigns being In The Know (ITK) by trading fan whispers, and tries to joust his rumors against my production leaks.

his sources are antis that just got busted for screaming physical threats for hellers hellering in unapproved spaces at a con, eg, asking questions in the Cockles M&G. hence all the bird imagery. i have little birdies waiting for them to stunt like this, and it's expanding in scale monumentally now. 2po, gayle and suzanne's fuckup just birthed into a new movement that's going to make cons hell for all of them

M&G: Meet and Greet: High cost VIP events at conventions that are sealed behind NDAs (nondisclosure agreements, say shit, get sued). 2po peddled these as whispers and lied about the contents for years to charge up wincest shippers and antis while shitting down on heller hopes and spreading his nonsense in the Profound Bond server. It's all word manipulation and deletion.

My server identified his sources and put eyes on them waiting for them to mess up, because the NDA prevented anyone from actually correcting him, and they did. So while he tried his normal thing of lying through it online and deleting shit, I pulled the trigger on the actual contents, which he accidentally verified as real after denying it, by threatening to report it for an NDA infraction. Cuz you can't report it if it wasn't true. But he talked himself into the dirt.

Then realized it was his own sources that fucked up and said it on main, so he couldn't even retaliate, which is exactly the kind of fuckup we were waiting for.

He's a career liar and grifter that projects those accusations at everyone else, and exists wholly to dishearten hellers and give wincest shippers and antis an illusionary bubble of dialogue where they're still the ones being pandered to.

If you want an idea I leaked the pilot for Winchesters february and knew for more reasons than I can ever explain it was real while he squealed like a stuck pig it was fake. I told them all it was about Dean learning from his parents life to find his peace, including the complexities of their life, loss, love, machinations of chuck, issues he has to unpack, letting go and moving on, learning from them and ultimately collecting it into getting to say what he wasn't allowed in the OG property.

For obvious reasons they also wailed against this, refused, because their perfect finale was perfect, and they were convinced jensen loved it and would never do this, and this wasn't, according to 2po, about letting go, moving on, or learning from your parents. And I don't know how to explain how off course he is beyond just pointing at the first three episodes and saying listen to jensen's narration if the episode itself is too Big Brain for him to figure out the sUbTeXt.

Like I'm still where I was before the Deadline hit. This story is exactly what I said and deancas is down the road and they need to cope. But he's gonna keep wheezing out his fake bad sources like a bad prophet to the end, denying the obvious.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hello. I'm not a supernatural fan but you guys have taken over tumblr. I always thought that you guys over did it with when you accused the show of queer-baiting. Then I decided to give a few different episodes a shot and HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK they queer-baited the ever loving shit out of you. I'm so sorry I ever thought ya'll were being drama queens. What a fucking abomination of a network/writers.

i appreciate that a lot, but the thing that really drives me crazy is that even now that it’s over we have no idea how much of it was queer-baiting.

like yes, there was absolutely a big chunk of queer-baiting there. but not all of it could be queer-baiting, because while destiel definitely started as an accident, eventually there was just too much done with too much intricate deliberation, like writing cas as the romantic mirror over and over, like... damn, just so many episodes written by writers who really gave a shit about what they were writing and wrote the destiel subtext on purpose.

and then there’s the fact that dean was written with a LOT of bisexual subtext from the very beginning, way before cas even came along - he was even partially based on a bisexual character, dean from the novel on the road. and there’s loads of bisexual dean subtext from the rest of the show even outside of cas. there’s at least one instance of writer commentary where they actually discuss how they wrote a scene to imply dean was into a man.

the way misha and jensen look at each other and how they’ve chosen to act various scenes, to actually go off script or do things that we know got cut from the final episode (such as fans on-set witnessing a take where jensen had dean touching cas’s face), also isn’t an accident, and they care way too much about their characters to queer-bait us. plus misha definitely isn’t straight, and i don’t think jensen is straight either, so imagine how much it would mean to them personally to portray that love story. we know that misha really wanted the cas love confession, that he was thrilled to do it, and heartbroken when fans told him it felt like ‘bury your gays’.

and now we know that there was censorship from the top, that the cw refused to let one of their flagship shows “go gay” and they completely fucked over the ending. i personally don’t believe that the writer whose name is on the finale actually wrote that bullshit, because he’s a much better writer than that for all his flaws. 

there’s so much shady story-changing from the actors, or complete silence, that we still don’t know what actually happened. until that finale, season 15 was written so well, with so much depth and quality and promise. everything pointed to destiel being endgame. and then covid happened, they stopped filming, and something changed. we don’t know what. 

we don’t know if the network was going to allow destiel beforehand and then chickened out and didn’t want gay cooties on jared padalecki before his show walker premiered, we don’t know if they were never going to allow it but the writers were going to get as close as possible... we don’t fucking know. we still don’t even know if dean reciprocated the love confession, as that spanish dub indicated.

we don’t know exactly which writers and producers were working toward destiel and which were fighting against it (i mean, we can guess, but we don’t know), we don’t know how much was queer-baiting and how much was pushing the envelope as much as they could under censorship, we don’t know when it went from coincidence to intention, we don’t know how much was the actors and how much was the writers and how much was the producers....

we just don’t fucking know. and i wish i could at least get some closure by knowing what the fuck happened.

[theodore-themilkman]

That's Not On The Script

In which you go a little off script.

Ships: JensenxPregnant!Reader

Reader Gender: Female

Reader Age: 25+

WARNINGS: mentions of premarital sex (is that even a warning?), the reader is pregnant, sandwich scenario is heavily based off of an incident that occurred when my cousin was pregnant, character reader plays is named Lora

-There Is No Road So Far So We're Jumping Right In-

"Goddammit Lora!" Jensen, or more Dean, said with obvious frustration is his voice. "I can't read minds! Just tell me what the problem is. You've been acting so different lately, hell if I didn't know any better I'd say you were possessed."

I glared at him fiercely, crossing my arms. "There isn't a problem Dean, you're just looking for things to criticize."

He laughed humorlessly. "If that's the case then I don't have to look very hard. You don't think I've noticed? You avoiding me? Running out of the room when I come in? Is it because you regret it, that night?"

My eyes had gone glossy as he spoke and for a moment I forgot we were only acting. Although it was easy to forget, after all Lora and Dean were in the same situation Jensen and I were in. In the last season, filmed about four months ago, Lora and Dean had hooked up on the show and the sexual tension that had occurred while filming got to the both Jensen and I and we slept together. Only, much like Dean and Lora, Jensen and I refused to bring it up. Except now, in the scene where Lora was supposed to admit that she had fallen in love with Dean except that isn't what came out of my mouth.

"I'm pregnant, okay?" It was quiet, I don't think anyone had expected me to say that. "And you're the father," I added in a whisper.

Jensen stared at me mouth open in shock. "But that night... we used protection." I don't know if he was continuing the scene or if he was speaking as Jensen, either way I continued.

"I know," I choked out, "but it must've torn or something and now -" a sob broke out, "-now there's this baby growing inside me and I can't bring myself to get rid of it."

Jensen stepped forward and wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks, then his hands went to my stomach. As he placed them there I was sure he could feel the small bump that was concealed by the baggy flannel I wore. "And I would never ask you to. We'll get through this, okay? You, me and," he looked to my stomach, "our baby."

"Cut!" Both our heads snapped to look at Robert and the rest of the crew, they all stood there staring at us.

"Wow," Robert told us walking closer to us. "That was unexpected but it works. When did you two discuss changing the scene."

I looked to my shoes. "We didn't."

"Wait you mean..." he trailed off looking between Jensen and I.

"Yeah, I really am pregnant."

-Line Break-

I smiled warmly, placing my hands on my swollen abdomen as I watched the boys answer another question in that funny way that only they could pull off.

"Y/N," I looked to the young blonde girl that had spoken and nodded indicating that she continue. "I was wondering is you could tell us how Jensen reacted when he found out about you know the whole pregnancy thing?"

I laughed, as did Jensen and the rest of the cast. "Well, I assume you've watched the latest episode?" She nodded. "That scene where Lora reveals the pregnancy to Dean is also when I revealed that I was pregnant."

Her mouth fell open. "So that was genuine, no lines or scripts or anything?"

I shook my head. "In the script Lora was supposed to admit that she had fallen for Dean but I kinda broke character and it slipped out."

"The best is that everyone else thought that we'd talked about it before shooting and Y/N had to explain that nope, she's actually pregnant."

"Jared punched Jensen," Misha added.

The blonde looked perplexed. "Why?"

"Y/N is my little sister and best friend or not no one can sleep with my baby sister and face no repercussions," Jared explained.

Misha started laughing remembering what had followed after Jared punched Jensen. The crowd and cast alike stared art him in curiosity. "Y/N's reaction to the punch," he said as if that would explain it. 

J2 both started laughing at the memory and I flushed, embarrassed at what I had done. The fan that had asked the original question glanced between all of us looking intrigued. "What happened?" 

"Do you want to tell them or should I?" Jensen asked me teasingly.

I flushed further and shook my head, unable to speak of the embarrassing moment aloud. "All right, I'll tell them," he laughed. "So I had just been given a good right hook in the face by sasquatch over there then Y/N burst into sobs and stormed off. Misha, Jared and I followed after her (albeit in a bit of pain on my part). We met her at the kitchen and she was making a sandwich but she was still heavily sobbing. Being the oh so clever older brother Jared stepped forward-"

"Something you didn't do," Jared said cutting off his co-star.

"Are you kidding? I'd rather take on a demon than approach a crying hormonal woman. What you do is ward them off with hot bubble baths and chocolate until they calm down and then admit that you're wrong about whatever they're upset about ," Jensen explained as if it were a science he had perfected. "Anyway, Jared stepped forward and the next thing you know there's a moose covered in tuna, mayo and bread in the middle of the kitchen. Y/N is screaming at Jared that he's her least favourite Supernatural character and that she wished his character would be cursed to turn into a moose for the rest of the show. Misha and I just stood there, the rest of the crew must've heard the commotion because they were there too. And after 20 minutes of angry Y/N she turns around and offers to make everyone sandwiches."

"Did you guys have her make the sandwiches?" A fan called out over the laughter.

"Are you kidding? She had just thrown bread and tuna mayo at Jared, we weren't going to risk saying no," Jensen quipped good naturedly. He then proceeded to put an arm around me and rest his hand atop my swollen belly. "No but seriously, despite all the hormonal rage fits and the crying when she couldn't get a scene right I couldn't ask for a better baby mommy. Which is why," he removed his arm from around me and slipped onto one knee, "I'd like to make this official. Y/N L/N, Lora Pierce, Chipmunk, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife."

My hand had gone over my mouth in shock by the end of his proposal and tears blurred my vision as I caught sight of the ring he held in his hand. 

"Y/N?" He asked worriedly after a beat of silence.

"Okie dokie," I squeaked out.

-Bonus-

Misha stood up and pointed at me as if accusing me of something. We all looked at him. "That was part of a Destiel fan fiction!"

Laughter broke out throughout the hall.

-Cue End Music- 

[thehollowprince]

1.Hey just want to let you know that I am the first anon who asked about Jensen Ackles and Tyler Posey - I don't know which teen wolf anon you assumed I was, but that was the first time I send you an ask. I am a TP fan and check your blog for TP stuff and was surprised to see you reblogging jokes about Ackles being homophobic - since I see him facing the same issues that Posey did - a toxic fandom that bullies actors just because they don't subscribe to wanting two hot white men to get together.

2. Same anon. I don't think we should be throwing around words like homophobia lightly or based on rumors about how Ackles made a showrunner change the character based on his preferences etc. Ackles maybe homophobic - we don't know for sure. All I know is that from my experience, the Destiel fandom is as toxic as the Sterek fandom. Sure, Ackles shares part of the blame as he makes hundreds of thousands of dollars off these fans at the various cons - ( contd. in part 3)

3. But that does not mean that actors or their family should be subject to cyber bullying and online hate or that the showrunners should pander to this toxic fanbase. Scott would have been and was sidelined to pander to and queerbait Sterek fans and he was called homophobic when he pointed out how nonsensical the ship was. Destiel is the same and I don't mind Ackles not giving two shits about acting out a badly written scene pushed in to appease a toxic fanbase. Just my two cents.

Okay, first off, I want to say the only anon I've ever gotten that used Tyler Posey and "double-standards" in the same sentence has been the Asshole Anon I tagged. And given the fact that this anon was in my inbox within an hour of posting that ask, it stands to reason that my paranoia is well founded. This would not be the first time they've tried to trick anyone into a "Gotcha!" moment, and I was the next on the rotation of people they harass.

That being said and out of the way, let's get into this.

Starting off, you're right. Claims of homophobia shouldn't be a joke. Homophobia is a very real thing that affects many people around the world. And given the shipping fandoms that habe arisen in the past decade, along with thr use of social media by celebrities, it allows these fans to harass and belittle them from the comfort of their homes, no matter where said celebrity is. I would never make jokes regarding how fans treat the loved ones of their favorite celebrities, because I find it abhorrent. We saw something similar to his happen with the Star Wars fandom, particularly the R*ylos, when they doxxed and harassed Adam Driver's wife in the hopes that he and Daisy Ridley would get together, thus fulfilling the fantasy they have about their ship.

I don't keep up with the actors of Supernatural because I don't watch it anymore, but I imagine that's the case with Jensen's wife. Fans harassing her because she married him and they've based their entire personality and fandom experience around a ship between two fictional characters and the actor's personal life interferes with that fantasy. The fans that are harassing Jensen and his family aren't doing it out of any sense of morality in their efforts to fight homophobia, but because they want to see Dean and Cas together, and can't (or won't) accept that they're fictional characters played by two actors that have their own private lives.

Something similar happened with the Sherlock fandom, when they decided to cancel Martin Freeman and his wife because they asked fans to stop sending them NSFW fanart or J*hnl*ck, especially when they were with their children. I'll admit I'm a little fuzzy on that one, because I've never watched BBC Sherlock, but I did follow a few blogs that did so I remember the discourse. This all just feeds into the idea that shipping fandoms "own" the actors that play their favorite characters and has made for quite a toxic environment on most social media.

If the D*stiel fandom is anything like the St*r*k fandom or the J*hnl*ck fandom , than I applaud Jensen for standing his ground in the face of what I'm sure is countless inappropriate fics and art that are constantly thrown at him.

Now, there are a few differences between how Jensen is being accused of being homophobic and how Tyler was accused of being homophobic. The first major difference is something you said in this ask. They're jokes. Keeping in mind that, yes, I did say we shouldn't joke about homophobia, all the "discourse" around D*stiel has been jokes due to a variety of reasons. From how uncomfortable Jensen looked in that scene (leading some to think they were filmed separately and not told how the other was reacting) to the fact that it was happening during election week before the election was called. The fact that the rumors that Putin was stepping down came out at the same time and the whole situation took on this hysterical, otherworldly quality, like this was a collective fever dream we couldn't wake up from. The jokes came about, breaking the tension that had consumed Tumblr and uniting a large number of people in the absurdity of everything.

There's also the fact that the jokes about Jensen being homophobic were just that - jokes! I'll admit that I haven't gone looking, but I haven't seen anyone calling for Jensen to be cancelled or for his career to be derailed or his life to be ruined because of that scene. No, I've seen countless jokes about how Dean looked constipated or memes of random images found on people's phones used to "recreate" that scene. The fact that Jensen apparently wrote into his contract that his character in The Boys wasn't to have a gay sex scene just added to the satirical nature of everything.

Now let's compare that to Tyler Posey. When asked about a crack ship (that had nothing to do with his character) for the umpteenth time, he said that, if that's what fans were watching for, they're probably watching for the wrong reasons. It never condemned the ship or mocked its fans, he simply said that they were watching for the wrong reasons. And given how this interview took place after filming was done for that season, that could be interpreted as him saving people from wasting their time on something that wasn't going to happen. Personally, I just think he was fed up and frustrated about being asked about a crack ship that had nothing to do with him.

And for that one simple sentence, he was (and still is) deluged with hate. He received death threats and threats against his mother while she was battling cancer, all because he said something that wasn't a glowing appraisal of a ship that the fandom made up. To this day, there are people hell bent on proving how Scott was the true villain of the Teen Wolf series, and how Tyler Posey is just an awful human being.

Did any of those things happen to Jensen? No.

Would those things have probably happened to Jared if he'd said something negative about D*stiel? Probably.

Would the Teen Wolf fandom have acted the way it did if it had been Hoechlin or O'Brien who shot down St*r*k? Definitely not. We know that because they both did say something against St*r*k and the fandom at large likes to pretend that it never happened.

So, as we can see, there is a very clear difference between how Jensen was treated and how Tyler was treated. Could racism play a part in that treatment? Most likely, though, many would never admit to that. But, at the end of the day, its important to look at the differences between these two actors and how they were treated by their respective fandoms for what they said in regards to ships that fans have based their entire fandom experience around.

[not-a-perfect-metaphor]

J2 tinhat summary

For a while now I’ve been wanting to piece together a more comprehensive version of J2 tinhat facts/observations/thoughts/etc., and although the project is obviously an incredibly lengthy one, I figured I would at least create a kind of summary to post in the meantime. Even the summary however is VERY long, and I don’t have the ability to do cuts, so I apologize for that! But I am going to post the summary in a few parts, so here is the first!

This does not follow a linear timeline by the way, just as a heads up, and I’m not including many examples that I’ve already talked about recently to save space.

1. The Js spending holidays together and also vacationing together, like their skiing trip to Whistler, Canada for example and the Padackles family vacation to the Turks and Caicos among others. Recently the Js traveled to Europe, Dubai, and Australia.

2. Of course Jensen’s public move from Malibu to Austin (conveniently near Jared’s house) is a strong piece of evidence. Jensen’s comments about being closer to friends and family don’t make much sense as most of his friends live hours away, and he has also stated several times in the past that he loved living in Malibu and being on the beach, yet he still relocated (to be closer to Jared, we know).

3. This Js have used the word “we” instead of “I” on quite a few occasions while talking about things that should not involve the other J (again, as far as the general public is aware). They have also done the same thing with the word “our” instead of “my” and “us” instead of “me.”

4. Both Danneel and her brother Gino were nearly bankrupt when Danneel began her ‘relationship’ with Jensen. Jensen 100% supported (even way back then) both Danneel and her brother financially, which is often one of the main benefits a faux-spouse receives in the bearding arrangement (financial security and/or the recognition that comes with marrying a celebrity/someone who lives in the public eye).

5. We know for a fact that the Js share clothes and belongings very frequently (and have for many years). Not only do we have photographic evidence of this, but they’ve also both admitted that it’s true.

6. There is now a vast amount of evidence that Jared and Jensen spend a great deal of time with each other’s children, together and by themselves, and keep in mind that even the evidence we do have is likely only a small fraction of the actual reality. They really do seem to function in a lot of ways as one family, which of course makes sense from a tinhat’s perspective.

A few examples that I haven’t posted recently:

Jensen talking about how he used to wear a sherif’s belt and nothing else as a child and then when Jared makes fun of him, reminding Jared that Shep also likes to go nude and that Jensen has to remind him to put clothes on at the breakfast table.

Jensen: “[Jared] was out, so I was watching the kids.”

^ the above blurb by Fangasm

In 2015, Jensen said during a convention panel that he has “kids now,” realizing the error and correcting it to “kid” (he only had one at the time according to public knowledge).

Along the same vein, we can look at things that Genevieve and Danneel have said as well, such as Genevieve stating that one thing she loves about Jared is that “he shows up as a co-parent to our kids.” The definition of co-parenting is “the experience of raising children together as single parents like when a divorce or separation occurs,” or in this case, an agreement to parent together alongside the guise of marriage.

7. At this point the Js have accidentally mentioned so many things that relate to sleeping with each other/being with each other late at night or first thing in the morning etc. that I won’t even try to list them all. But just know that there are many of these examples (I’m happy to specify if anyone wants to send me a message about it).

8. The Js have been spotted dining together (or out at bars/other venues together) on many occasions, less in recent years, some of which have even been described as quite romantic/intimate settings. And of course, again, these are just the ones noticed by the public, not the likely many times the Js have booked private dining arrangements or something else of that nature. I just posted a few of these examples separately if you want to check them out.

9. Jared has forgotten the specifics of his ‘dating’ timeline actually a few times, probably the most well-known of those times being during his Live With Kelly interview where he claimed to have been single at the start of Supernatural when in reality (according to the information given to the general public), he and Sandra McCoy were very much together at that point. He also told an interviewer that he was single and then later on claimed to have been dating Genevieve two full months before that interview took place.

10. I already posted a fantastic humorous account of the many different stories told concerning the period of time Jensen publicly lived with Jared (again, message me if you’d like me to send it to you), but suffice to say…the lies became quite immense and tangled up in each other and the whole thing made many people wonder about what might really be going on between the Js.

11. Jared posed in front of a mural by himself (without Gen) that said “Love will win” in response to Jensen posing in front of a mural earlier that same day that said “Love is love,” a well known LGBT slogan.

12. Jensen has rotated between several different wedding rings, which I have yet to see anyone come up with a believable-enough reason for, but whatever the reason, it certainly is something that makes you wonder.

13. When asked about “finding the one,” Jensen gave a very long, beautiful, thoughtful response during which he never once used the word “she,” “her,” “wife,” etc. (or Danneel’s name). His reply also contained several things that he had previously said (and would say again) to describe Jared and/or his relationship with Jared:

Another similar example is when Jensen was asked about his favorite memory of SPN and he responded with his journey from single-hood to marriage, again not using female pronouns or “Danneel,” who hadn’t had anything to do with the show at that point anyway.

14. This one I remember having to hunt down and verify back when I first started “hardcore hatting,” and yes it is true. Sandy, Jared’s ‘girlfriend’ from years ago, favorited a tweet once in which she was referred to as Jared’s “ex-beard.” I mean, it’s pretty hard to misinterpret that…

15. Gossip columnist Ted Casablanca once pretty much accused Danneel of her relationship with Jensen being fake. Previously to that spat, he had also written an article in response to double engagement rumors saying that “Jensen and Jared would sooner marry each other than who they’re currently rumored to be getting hitched to. If I’m wrong I’ll get Taryn Ryder a date with Ryan Gosling.”

16. Speaking of the engagements, nearly everything about them was highly suspicious. Both occurred on the same weekend under the guise that each J had no idea the other was proposing, despite having said multiple times that they tell each other everything and showing that to be true through their actions as well. When asked on the spot what his proposal story was, Jensen retold the exact proposal story that had taken place a year earlier with Jared and Sandy, changing only the location.

17. Another well-known mishap was the ‘dinner in Italy’ story, told first by Jared in which he claimed to have been with his wife at the time and told second by Jensen at a different convention in which JENSEN was in fact the one who had been with Jared. Of course ironically, nothing would have even seemed strange about the whole thing if the story had been told truthfully from the get-go, but keeping up with lies is far from easy.

18. This one I think we all know. Joanna Krupa, known for her role in The Real Housewives of Miami, has admitted to bearding for someone in the past, and the only real celebrity she’s ever dated was Jensen. Which of course, like many of these observations, is not proof as much as it’s, well…an observation. Albeit quite an interesting one.

19. It was revealed by Ryan Seacrest (who has been at the center of many “gay or straight or other?” whispers for a long time now) that he used to live with Jensen, which wouldn’t be odd if Jensen had ever mentioned it while talking pretty extensively about his past roommates/living situations.

Like, for example, we HAD known that Jensen and Ty Vaughn lived together for a stretch, and some hats believe (due to the seemingly very intimate nature of their relationship at the time) that Ty may be an ex of Jensen’s.

20. I saw someone point out the fact that Jensen’s oldest daughter’s middle name is Jay (a nickname Jensen has for Jared and actually something they’ve each said they call each other). On its own, this could just look like either a coincidence or a testament to the strong friendship between the Js, but it’s an interesting bit of information alongside everything else.

21. Richard Speight Junior has flubbed pretty famously a few times and nearly given away sensitive information about the Js being together. I’ve posted a few of these examples recently so I’ll hold off on including them here, but-, you know by now, just ask me if you’d like them!

And he’s not the only one who’s said some interesting things!

[incarnateirony]

Sorry abt all of the hate you’ve been getting recently. Here’s a (hopefully) interesting opinion to give you a break. I understand you believe DeanCas to be canon based on text. However, in a tv show, the script doesn’t equate to canon. In the end it’s the actors/directors interpretation onscreen. It’s fun to analyze DeanCas textually, but if there’s no onscreen payoff to the decade (?) long buildup. It’s queerbait. And knowing the history of LGBT+ cinema, it would be a very cruel thing.

Okay so this is a really uh, kinda cute attempt, but still about 3 years behind on things I’ve already addressed. In fact, your own take in a lot -- and I mean a lot -- of ways is far more self defeating than you think right here.

First of all, the script is the *base* of canon. I have always said, the script isn’t the complete canon and yes, it’s a collaborative work. This is not the winning argument you think it is. However, it is the base text. The base texts depicts the canon on page before the collaborative part presses it to on screen. (In fact to show how Not New Yet Backwards this take is, I've included a post at the end about social codes where I openly address how hysterical the fandom's limited idea of text is, and that whether inside or outside of Spoken Dialogue Only eg script the argument falls on its face and surrenders itself to reveal internalized queerphobia.)

For the record, I assume you went with the “script is just script” angle because I recently nailed down all the authoritative statements and receipts, but we’ll move on to your other points.

Now while not every-single-director has ever spoken up, some have. In fact, director Phil Sgriccia was one of the first people--in so far as being on the S8 DVD commentary--talking about Dean’s biromantic potential. Dick Speight also has been openly supportive and his framework is consistent. Many others don’t engage, like wright, but wright very obviously consciously framed things as per his previous work with Jensen on Dark Angel. We could go on. We could go on about set design, we could go on about all kinds of things.

We could go on about the way this fandom has a terrible warped way of reviewing AV media, wherein they used to chase curtains or assume certain lighting meant things it didn’t, *against* what crew said in some points, and then yell about interpretation. 

In fact your very evocation of the collaborative elements make this even more absurdist even if you really did pose this in innocence: after all, when this year a soap opera reporter who doesn’t even watch the show caught the 15.03 breakup, she gave swift review of the full cinematography being the classic framework of the Dark Points in the Romance. Because you’re right. It’s collaborative text. And especially as of season 15, that collaborative text--and in AV, visuals DO count as text--is painting them in romantic methods, in ways previously not done no matter what someone’s 8 year old meta sheet told them violet light meant. In fact, if you follow the actual crew’s statements of that violet light’s meaning, and look at 15.13, and then read through what I’ve been talking about on endgame speculation and where it fell, it falls into the fated twined paths of Dean and Cas at the end of the road together. No, the violet isn’t inherently romantic. Yes, it’s part of a large story. And yes, that story is leading them down a road together which I’ll bring up at the end of this post. Letting a romance speak for itself in the midst of mytharc is a whole other thing, and actually like, how it’s supposed to go? When it’s... literally an integral part of the structure?

All of this, all of this, is fundamentally true and I have actually made dozens if not hundreds of post to show how fandom has actually been -- in their attempt to be woke, to claim queerbait or not canon, or to whatever else -- persistently deleted creative commentary, turned it into accusations, or just defied basic AV crit standards both for and against itself. 

Are we really going to start talking about actor interpretations in the year even Jensen Ackles called it a domestic dispute, and turned a Samstiel question into Dean’s taste in Cas? Or Misha and Jared’s long histories of commentary? Or the other actors on the field over the years, even Emily Swallow or Curtis? Should we go as far back as to go to the showrunner note of when to play it like a jilted lover?

None of this is a new angle that I find interesting, it was interesting a few years ago when I first shared it, but here’s where your line breaks:

Jumping from that, any of that to “if there’s no onscreen payoff” isn’t just a nonsequitor, it buries your intent.

Even I have said, it’s true! The only base definition of queerbait is to create a bunch of queer-leading content without intent to follow through! Good job on that.

But you’re missing a whole bunch here.

I’ve simply said that setting ridiculous goalposts based on personal wants is not what makes canon. I don’t care if you want a kiss or sex on the map table or a rainbow farting unicorn pony for them to ride into the horizon--those are your goalposts, and those are not the only ways, nor the only valid ways much less, to have follow through.

The lack of intent to follow through is a hilarious presupposition. And follow-through does not only transmit one way. Hets get plenty of follow throughs like, I don’t know, at the end them implicitly asking someone to dinner and that’s it, that’s their happy ending. (Detty comes to mind.)  Some hets never even kiss. Nobody gets to set that specific *goalpost* and then erase all the other canon and text. That’s queer deletion. That’s regressive. And frankly that shits on the LGBT cinema history you’re trying to reference here vaguely, to which I point you to my entire LGBTQIA+ tag where I discuss a hundred years of queer cinema history and have a nagging feeling your head would actually spin for trying to break that out as an argument. Because you’ve got that backwards.

If the authors have intent to follow through on a romantic pairing, but do not give *your specific preferred thing* for *whatever* reason (in this case, from corporate interference snaring them back, for example), that is /not/ queerbait. It’s low visibility text and it’s still canon. There is no form of mental gymnastics this becomes anything else. If they have the intent to follow through and do follow through, it’s not queerbait. 

I don’t care how you cartwheel, how you reframe it, and how you try to nurse your mental wounds having to face that, perhaps, the alt right and terfy propaganda that has infested this fandom under the veil of being woke to get kids to repeat it has, also, influenced you. It’s hard to admit mistakes. But your entire statement here doesn’t even add together, it’s random assertions you’ve assumed are new, but actually fall contrary to what you think they add up to.

If, for example as I speculate, they can’t kiss, for example, but squeeze in a love you under limited parameters only to go off as a unit into eternity together on their own path, decided together, and that’s as far as the writers were allowed to go? Sorry, they still had intent to follow through, and followed through to what limit they have. Ergo, by your own definition, not queerbait.

Also, regardless of the ending, that doesn’t remove *text*. I can’t emphasize this enough. You can be dissatisfied with the ending, you can even feel baited if it does or doesn’t go to a specific landmark you set your personal faith on, but that doesn’t make previous text elements suddenly subtext, because that isn’t how it works, and never has been. 

Regarding unlevel social codes and how many ways this fandom has shown its own ass unwittingly, confusion over what is text, subtext, and how they all fall into a canon

https://occamshipper.tumblr.com/post/190728796970/were-gonna-try-this-again-canon-is-accepted

Being regressive and deleting your own stuff isn't helpful and often varies based on preferences rather than objective observations.

[jawritter]

On the Subject of “You and Me – Ch. 6”:

So. I knew I was gonna have a bit of a rough time with this chapter (thanks for the head’s up – by the way), but I wanted to be sure to give my reaction (as I have been) with as much thought as possible – especially since you’ve mentioned this story is based on true events someone you care about has experienced. So, here it goes…

By the end of Ch. 5, I KNEW this is exactly what was going to happen to Jensen. And honestly, I’m torn. I’ve been in Jennifer’s situation (except it was someone I knew and trusted – not a celebrity), and what he did to her is rape.

The question of whether he “deserved” this or not…I don’t know. If you’d asked me this fresh after my experience, I’d say, ‘Yes. He got exactly what he deserved.” But now, I don’t know. I don’t want a horrendous act forced on someone else to ever be my response to being attacked. A large part of me feels like this is exactly why none of my brothers know what I went through. None of my family does.

Ideally, the Justice System would take care of handling the “justice.” However, as you’re already pointing out in this chapter with Jared’s response to the question of whether Jensen really did what Jennifer accused him of doing…

“I don’t know, and I’m not trying to justify anything he may have done, but do you think he would have deserved this? I was there when he asked her to dinner with him. She was definitely more than willing to show up at his house wearing next to nothing.“

This is the exact reason Jennifer went to her brother instead of the police. These sort of victim blaming comments are why most rapes aren’t even reported, let alone solved – especially those committed by famous people or by people in a position of power. In a trial, the burden of proof is on the accuser – in this case – the victim. And when there’s no video/audio evidence, it’s the accuser’s word vs the accused’s – which hardly holds up in court.

“A very evident ‘the light’s are on, but no one is home’ look.” – this comment/descriptor is a very accurate portrayal of a traumatic mental state (I wonder if Jennifer experienced this). Though, of course, everyone handles these things differently.

I’m also a little surprised that anyone would tell the workers of the studio what happened. They didn’t seem to be close friends at all, so they didn’t need to know anything outside of “medical emergency” for the studio contract’s purposes. [I know this plotting is for the purpose of moving the story along, but I’d be pissed if I were Jensen].

I’m not sure if you plan to go into a more detailed description of what happened to him, but I’m honestly happy you didn’t here. How you handled/described the entire topic in this series (at least so far) has been very respectful but honest – which I greatly appreciate.

Any how, I do want to tell you I did enjoy this chapter – even if it is a sensitive topic for me. I appreciate how you’re handling this topic while not shying away from it. I do feel bad for your friend, and I’m glad you’ve told us he’s doing better (I’m also not sure how 100% this version of the story is to his). I’m looking forward to the journey you’re gonna take us on. This may turn out to be incredibly therapeutic for me. Amazing job, and thank you!

**you do not have to post this obscenely long reaction publicly – unless you want to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know it’s long, but I think it’s definitely worth posting! 

I want to start off by saying thank you so much for the feedback hun, and I’m so incredibly sorry you had to experience such a horrendous thing! No one deserves to have something like that happen to them, and I do hope that in a way this is therapeutic for you, and anyone else (male or female) that has suffered through a similar experience. 

My friend knows and has read, and is pre reading the chapters before I post them anything that he’s uncomfortable with is reworded, added, or removed!

Like you said this is a very heavy subject matter, and it’s not an easy thing to write about in the least! Which is one of the very reasons why I’m doing it. It shakes people up and pulls them out of their comfort zone, and let’s be honest. That’s what makes a great story. 

You had the exact reaction I expected out of  most people! Jennifer’s purpose, aside from moving the story along, was to one: remove the innocents that people generally associate with their favorite. In this case Jensen. Because what was coming was so harsh it would have been shattering if you weren’t on the fence a little about him already. I didn’t want Jensen to be the perfect angle for this fic, or even the hero of the day, because he’s gonna have a long way to come up; and that’s what’s going to make the journey.

Two: I also wanted to shed a little light on a lot of time what goes unreported for women who have similar experiences because the man in question is in a position of power, and the woman really stands no chance because as you said, it’s the victim’s word against the accused, and a lot of times (most of the time) that’s not near enough to get the justice the person deserves. That was also the reason for Jared’s whole reaction in the hospital. That, and he was being protective of his friend. It’s hard to look around for anything else that might be wrong, when you're faced with a situation like that.

Three: I wanted to give people a glimpse of the unstable mental state that Jensen (in this story anyways) was already in. Subconsciously he’d developed some bitterness towards women because of what was done to him, and he didn’t even really know it. The hint of the nervous breakdown and depression at the beginning of the Series. (Not getting out of bed or days etc.) 

Then there’s the fourth: The not realizing that he was in that state until what was done was done. In the previous chapter he argued with himself the whole time he was in the hotel room with her, and the actions that you saw there. (Giving her money, telling her “let’s keep this between us.” Being aggressive in general) Was all part of his fight or flight mood we tend to go in when we’re afraid or feel we’ve messed up badly. That’s the fight part. It was too late to run, and he knew it. Then the evident regret in the change in his behavior. He realizes he needs help, and he’s not as stable as he thought he was. (Looking for Jennifer the next day, and calling Jared the night before apologizing because of the way he’d been acting.)

I do want to say that there are going to be trigger warnings all over this book, and they will be marked accordingly, and if I miss them I will go back and mark them because I want to treat this subject topic with the respect that it deserves. The next chapter is going to be equally heavy, and while the actual act of what happened to Jensen is NEVER described in detail there will be discription and suggestions of injuries in which if you think hard enough you can put it together. There will also be a heavily suggestive nightmare in the next chapter, but I WILL NEVER DESCRIBE THE ACTUAL ACT THAT TOOK PLACE! I will always leave that one up to the power of suggestion.

A little spoiler tease **We might end up finding out something about Ms. Jennifer that shows her as a little less innocent than it first might appear.**

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Twelve

Jensen x Musician!Reader

Masterlist - Contains Chapter Links & Wardrobe Collages

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part twelve has parts from Both POVs; though primarily the reader. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.

Spotify Playlist: Songs in this chapter - "Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” [youtube link] cover by Kina Grannis  

Chapter Summary: An acoustic performance at the Brewery to help publicize Brewfest takes a turn, causing Y/N to make a big change in her future plans.

Chapter Warnings: Language, mild violence, mentions of abuse, anxiety

WC: 10.4K **with lyrics. Lyrics NOT written by me in bold, italic.

Beta’d by @closetspngirl

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online. Tags are open if you want on, or wanna hop off.

Jensen felt the warmth of the sun touch his skin before his eyes opened. He was dreaming and didn’t want it to end, despite how he knew it would feel to stretch and let his body wake up. The images were fading from his mind’s eye, and he could feel the disappointment begin to set in. The dream was too good to let slip away. 

He dreamt he was laying in bed with Y/N. They had spent the night making love, talking in whispers and finding ways to make the other feel inexplicably wanted and loved. It was everything he’d needed from her since he first kissed her on New Year’s Eve. 

Movement on the bed beside him was the last step in getting him to open his eyes, and when he finally looked to his right, she was there. It wasn’t just a dream after all. Her hair was free of its usual messy bun and was splayed across her pillow. Jensen rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow, then leaned forward leaving a soft kiss on her bare shoulder that peeked out from the sheets. Her skin still smelled like suntan lotion and coconut, and he kissed her again. 

Jensen slipped his hand beneath the sheets and along the length of her body. Flashes from the night before passed through his mind, and he continued kissing the back of her neck as his fingers explored the lines of her body. His arm slowly wrapped around her stomach and gently pulled her back against him. Y/N was beginning to stir. She elongated her neck and hummed as his lips trailed soft, wanting kisses to her ear. 

“Morning,” he rumbled against her ear, just as his hand glided up her abdomen towards her breasts. 

“Morning,” she breathed and let herself gently fall back into him. 

“Sleep well?”

“No,” she giggled and rolled over, so she could see his face. “I don’t believe much sleep happened.”

“Regrets?” he asked softly, brushing away the hair from her face so he could fully appreciate her (y/c) eyes. 

“Only that I waited so long.” She withdrew her gaze and cast them do the small bit of space between them. “I’m sorry, Jensen. I don’t know what I was so scared of.”

“Hey,” he rasped, gently taking her chin and directing her eyes back to his. “Don’t do that. We’re together now, right? That’s what matters. Not how long it took to get here, just that we got here.”

“Are we? Together, I mean?”

“It’s what I want. There’s no one else for me, Y/N.” Jensen was nervous, and even she could hear the barely-there quiver in his voice when he spoke her name. 

Y/N propped herself up and leaned over, hovering above him now, her hair falling down and tickling his cheeks. “You sure you’re up for that? I can be a handful.”

“Good thing I got two hands,” he teased, the crinkles around his eyes deep and the peek-a-boo dimples formed at either side of his wide smile. 

Y/N rolled her eyes and hung her head to his chest. “I hate you,” she laughed and kissed him there. “So much.”

“I guess then, it’s also a good thing that you love me, too. Or I’d be in trouble.”

“Nope, I take it back,” she said, trying to be serious and pulling away from him. “I take it all back. You’re insufferable, Jensen. What was I thinking?”

Jensen grabbed her and turned quickly, making Y/N land on her back as he straddled her legs, pinning her down and dove his mouth to her neck. In less than a second, he was lavishing her neck with attention as her body began to slowly move beneath him.

“See, you don’t play fair, either,” she mewed, rolling her neck to the side so he could have more of her. 

“Never said I did,” he mumbled lowly. “Now what were you saying about taking it back…” his voice was muffled in the crook of her neck, and he felt himself growing hard again at simply the thought of being with her.

From somewhere in the tangle of clothes on the floor, a cell phone began ringing. Jensen growled and picked his head up from her neck. 

“Dammit.” He rolled off her and got up from the bed to locate the intrusion. 

Y/N sat up and watched as he moved around the room, completely naked. “I could get used to this view, ya know.”

He stopped looking for a moment and stared at her with that familiar deadpan gaze. “Seriously? Am I just a good time to you?”

“And then some…” she wiggled her eyebrows and winked playfully, breaking his expression and making him laugh. “Screw the phone, come back to bed.”

“I will. But I know this is Jared. I gotta--” he found his shorts from the night before and retrieved the phone from the pocket. “Hey,” he said swiping up to answer the call. “What’s up?”

“Dude, what the hell? Where did you disappear too?”

“Oh.. yeah. Sorry. Something came up and, uhhh…” Jensen stammered, unsure of how to proceed with telling his best friend he finally got to spend the night with the woman he loved while she was right there in the room.

“Something? Sex? Was it sex, Jensen?” Jared asked, and Jensen could hear the underlying tone of playful accusation. 

“Maybe.”

“I kinda figured,” Jared laughed. “No way you’d leave before the pig roast was ready unless Y/N was involved. You left a ton of shit behind on the boat and took off with one of the rentals. You must have been seriously distracted.”

“Dude,” Jensen chuckled and turned away from her to walk towards the bathroom. “You have no idea.”

“Alright Romeo, I don’t need details. Anyway… get your shit together and be ready in two hours. I’m swinging by to grab you so we can head to the airport. I had the valet company bring your truck back and take the rental with them. Just remember to bring the spare keys so I can drop them off, ok?”

“Yeah, sure. No problem… Wait. Two hours? I thought we didn’t go back ‘til later?”

“Change of plans, brother. Maybe if you didn’t have your head buried elsewhere you would have seen the five text messages I sent you about it this morning.”

“I hate you,” Jensen groaned and pulled the phone away to see all his missed notifications. “Fine, two hours. I’ll be ready.”

“Good. And, please shower. I don’t want to sit on a six-hour trip to Vancouver while you smell like sex.”

“Goodbye, Jared.” Jensen hung up the phone and tossed it back on the floor with the rest of the clothes. 

“Jared busting your chops?” she asked as Jensen crawled back into bed. 

“When isn’t he?” He laid back down and Y/N immediately laid beside him, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder. Jensen wrapped an arm around her and drew her closer. “I do have to get ready to go soon though. And while the last thing I want to do is spoil this morning… we gotta talk about you staying here. Y/N, please, reconsider--”

“I’ll stay,” she said softly, then turned her face up to his. “I’m sorry I gave you a hard time. I was so scared of staying because we hadn’t slept together. Then I panicked and worried about what it would mean if we did…”

“Thank God,” he chuckled softly, running his free hand over his face and sighing deeply. “I didn’t want to fight, but I was prepared to come out swingin’ if it meant you’d agree to just stay here.”

“Here is good. I’ll stay through the festival and then we can figure out what comes next. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” he said and left a loving kiss on her head. “One more question and then I promise, I’ll let it go.”

“Oh boy… what?”

“What are the chances you changed your mind about San Diego, too?”

It was Y/N’s turn to sigh. “Jay… I can’t. In fact, I have to meet with Robbie at some point today or tomorrow about the publicity performance at the brewery this week. I think it's Thursday, which is your first day out there, right? I have to be at the brewery. Rob and Bri are singing. I am filming, mingling, promoting…”

“You work too much.”

“Look who’s talking…”

They held each other’s gaze stubbornly for a moment and Jensen finally relented. “Okay, okay. You made your point. But, I reserve the right to whisk you away at some point and you can’t say no. Deal?”

“I’ll take that deal,” she said and pushed herself up on the bed, to full sitting position.

“Whoa, no, wait. Where are you going?” 

“To shower. Then I’ll go make you breakfast so you can shower and be ready for Jared.”

“First off, shower together, it conserves water. Secondly, you’re gonna cook? For me? Can you cook?”

“Yes, I can cook. Pretty damn well, actually. Also, not showering with you, because we’ll never get out of there and you have to leave soon.”

“We could forget the breakfast, and just go shower. Huh? Right? Way better plan,” Jensen said, trying to pull her back to lay down. 

“Easy, Hollywood,” she purred and let him draw her back in. “I promise you, we will have our chance to make up for all the nights we weren’t together.”

“Swear?” he asked, a touch of some distant concern twinkled in his eyes, but she dismissed it.

Nodding softly, she leaned in and kissed him delicately on the lips. “Scout’s honor.”

An hour later, Y/N was in the kitchen, scrambling up some eggs and toast, with a fresh pot of coffee waiting for Jensen when he emerged from his shower. When he entered the room he was struck by the differing aromas, shocked at how fragrant the kitchen had become.

“Well aren’t you just full of surprises,” Jensen said as he dropped his duffle bag to the floor and tossed the keys on the counter. “Whatcha makin’?”

“Eggs with peppers and onions, rye toast and there’s fresh coffee over there for you,” Y/N replied without turning from the stove. 

Jensen went to go get a mug for his coffee but stopped just a moment to watch her move around the kitchen and admire how good she looked. She was wearing one of his dress shirts, sleeves rolled up and only loosely buttoned; her hair damp from the shower and her face completely natural. Fighting the urge to distract her from cooking, he continued on with getting his coffee and asked if she wanted a cup as well. 

“Yes, please. Give me all the coffee,” she laughed then flashed him a rueful smile over her shoulder. “Someone kept me up late last night.”

“Well, not much going on today, right? Maybe you can take a day to just sleep, relax. Catch up on some Netflix?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged and turned off the heat on the eggs, plated them, along with the toast and slid it across the counter. “Your breakfast, sir.”

“Whoa.” Jensen pulled the plate closer and grabbed the fork beside it, taking a bite of the eggs and closing his eyes. “Mmmm…” he hummed and swallowed the food. “Baby, these are good.”

“Baby, hm? That’s new.” Y/N mused and turned away, casually strolling to the refrigerator to get the cream for her coffee. 

“Don’t like that one?” Jensen asked, taking another bite of his eggs. 

“Didn’t say that, just… different.”

Jensen’s face slipped into a sly, teasing grin as he leaned forward on his elbows on the counter. “I’ll call you whatever you want me to--” 

“Oh God, don’t say it!” Y/N brought her hand to her face in resignation of what she knew was coming. 

“--as long as I can call you mine,” Jensen continued, giving her a big, exaggerated wink. 

“You are so insufferable…” she poured the cream in her coffee and playfully rolled her eyes. Y/N didn’t get a chance to stir it before Jensen was approaching her, hands on her hips and walking her back to the refrigerator. 

“I’m the fucking worst,” he rasped and pulled her hips closer to him, before bending down and kissing her. 

Y/N slipped her arms up around his neck and kissed him back with purpose. Jensen’s hands slid from her hips, around to her ass and gently lifted her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He carried her, without breaking their kiss, to the living room and fell backward onto the couch so he was sitting and she was straddling his lap. His kiss deepened on her and through muffled smacks of lips and short breaths of air, she pulled back just enough to speak

“Your breakfast is getting cold,” she laughed and kissed him again. 

“Don’t care.” His fingers dug deeper into her thighs.

She giggled at the feeling of his fingertips ghosting her skin up and under the shirt she wore. “Jared will be here soon.”

“Don’t care. He can wait,” he mumbled, then resumed the business at hand. His hands found their way to her breasts and she couldn’t resist the soft moan that fell from her lips.

“Jay…” she breathed, fighting the urge to take it further. “Unfair…”

“Ok, ok…” he relented and allowed Y/N to sit back as he slowly and regrettably pulled his hands from her shirt. “I’m sorry. It’s just… now that we are here,” he gestured vaguely at their current position, “I just wanna stay here. Hard to walk away from this when it's all I’ve wanted for a really long time now.”

Y/N’s expression softened, and a small, satisfied smirk pulled up the corner of her mouth. “How long?”

Jensen considered it for a moment, running his palms roughly, yet slowly up and down her bare thighs. “Since before New Years, at least. You’re hard to shake, you know.”

She wanted to come back with some smart ass quip, but the way he was looking at her at that moment, she couldn’t. He was wearing too much emotion in that expression for her to be anything other than genuine. 

“Thank you for being patient with me, Jay. For giving me the time to be brave enough to trust someone again.”

Y/N softly caressed his cheek, giving him one last longing kiss on the lips before climbing off his lap. She held out her hand for him to take, and helped pull him up off the couch. 

“Now, please go finish your breakfast that I slaved over. Worked my fingers to the bone…” she whined playfully, unable to hold back the impish smile as he rolled his eyes at her. 

“Now who’s insufferable?” 

“Oh me! Is it me?” she asked sarcastically, followed by a big smile. 

Jensen ignored her and went back to his breakfast, which was still warm and delicious. He finished it quickly, along with his coffee, and was about to help Y/N start to clean up when they heard a knock at the front door, then the distinct creak of it opening and Jared’s voice echoed through the entryway, 

“Hello? Everybody decent?!”

“No! I’m cooking naked in the kitchen. Want some eggs?” she called back, making Jensen snicker and Jared’s face flushed red as he rounded the corner and came into the room.

“Hilarious,” Jared replied, when he saw her wearing only the shirt, he quickly looked away and stammered. “Ho--how’s it going Y/N?” 

“Great, thanks,” she chuckled. “And now that you’re here, I should probably go get dressed for real before you whisk him away. Be right back.” 

Y/N paused as she went by Jensen and kissed him, their gazes locked with the other and let it linger for a moment before she continued on. Once she was gone upstairs, Jared came fully into the kitchen and grabbed a mug, fixing himself a cup of coffee. He sipped at the hot, dark brew, carefully eyeing his best friend over the lip of the mug. 

“So?”

“So, what?” Jensen replied, feigning ignorance. 

“This is for real now?” Jared asked and motioned towards the stairs with his chin. “You and Y/N. No more pinning? No more excuses? You're finally together?”

Jensen was thoughtful for a moment as he reflected on the morning he spent in bed with her. “Yeah, we are,” he said, unable to hide his satisfied grin.

“I’m happy for you, man. Really. I’m glad things are working out. After Dee, then that break-in at Y/N’s place, I thought maybe you would throw in the towel. Too much trouble and all that.”

“Dude, I couldn’t if I wanted too. I am completely, and utterly hooked on this girl, and I wouldn’t care what it took to get to where we are.”

“Damn, Jay. I knew you had a thing for her, but I didn’t realize it went that deep. I’m honestly happy for you both. I like Y/N. She’s good for you.” 

“She is. I think we’re good for each other. Just feels good to finally know, for sure, that she’s just as invested as I am.”

“And you’re sure of that?” Jared asked cautiously, not wanting to rile Jensen up, but he needed to make sure his friend was certain he was giving his heart to someone who would treat it right this time.

“Yeah, Jar. I’m sure.”

Jared was thoughtful for a moment and shrugged. “Then I’m over the moon for you.” He raised his coffee cup in a salute and took a long sip. 

A moment later, Y/N came bouncing down the steps, fully dressed in a pair of ripped jean shorts, her favorite Zeppelin t-shirt and a pair of black converse. Her hair was piled on her head in her signature messy bun, and though very little effort was put into her appearance, Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off her. Jared watched Jensen watching her, and it struck him just how deep his best friend had really fallen. 

“So, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we gotta get going, Jay,” Jared said, leaving the mug in the sink and passing an apologetic smile to Y/N.

Jensen checked his watch and sighed. “Shit, yeah, I guess we do.”

“I’ll grab your bag and take it out. Just don’t take forever saying goodbye to your girlfriend, okay?” He rolled his eyes sarcastically, emphasizing a disgusted sigh as he picked up Jensen’s bag, then threw Y/N a little wink. 

“Love you too, Jared,” she called after him as he exited through the front door. Y/N looked back to Jensen as she slowly approached him, fortifying herself to say goodbye. Wanting to keep it light, she smiled and chuckled. “Girlfriend, huh? Does that mean I have the best friend’s approval?”

“It does,” he grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You alright with that? Girlfriend?”

“More than okay. All joking aside, somehow knowing where things stand with us, makes your leaving a little easier.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. Still going to miss you like crazy, but I am very much looking forward to when you come home again. Which is when, by the way?”

Jensen considered her question and scrunched his face in disappointment. “Three weeks. At least.”

“Wow, okay. Three weeks it is. Call me when you get in, later?”

“Of course,” he said and leaned in for a kiss and just before their lips touched, from outside, the car horn blew. 

“I guess that’s your cue,” she teased and kissed him again quickly. “Ok, go before I don’t let you leave.” She wiggled from his grasp and pushed him towards the door. 

“Wait,” he said, turning and planting his feet. “Promise me you will be careful, cautious and not go anywhere alone at night. And! Before you object… remember you love me and you want to make me happy? Doing this will make me happy.”

Y/N couldn’t resist his request. “Whatever you want, Hollywood. I promise it.”

“Good. Thank you. I’ll call you later,” he said and opened the front door, feeling the blast of the late morning heat. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Love you too, Jay,” she replied, trying to sound casual but actually vibrating inside from the open admission of feelings. 

She stood at the door and waved to Jared as Jensen made his way to the car and slowly got in. As they drove away, Y/N cautiously looked around outside to see if anyone was watching, then closed the door and went to clean up the kitchen.

Another blazing hot July day in Texas, but Y/N barely registered the heat as she parked and exited Jensen’s truck in the parking lot of Cuppa. Unknowingly having picked the same place Jensen met Dee the month before, Y/N ventured inside to find Bri waiting for her at a corner table.

“What? Not up for an outside seat?” Y/N teased as she approached the table and opened her arms to embrace a smiling Briana. 

“Are you insane? It’s hotter than Satan’s taint out there, lady. This is an inside kinda day. I will not waste the blessing of air conditioning just for a pretty view.” Bri shook her head and went to embrace Y/N. “Now sit your ass down and start talking. You have some nerve, you know.”

Y/N’s head snapped up in surprise, her finger pointing to her chest. “Me? What did I do?”

“It’s what you didn’t do! You disappear like a fart in the wind from Jared’s party, and I don’t hear boo from you until late last night confirming lunch today! What happened, where did you go? I need details.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes lowering to the table and her cheeks warm with the memories of leaving the party with Jensen. “That.”

“‘Ooohh, that,’ she says… I swear to God, Y/N. You best start talkin’.” Briana flashed her an admonishing expression. Y/N knew when Bri wore her serious face she better start talking and not keep her in suspense any longer.  

“Okay, okay… I’m sorry. I got wrapped up in things and just--” she trailed off, and felt her expression softened Bri had been there since the start of things with Jensen and she realized how badly she really did want to tell someone about what finally happened between them. “After the bonfire, I told him I loved him and asked him to take me home,” she said, letting it come tumbling out in one long breath

“You did!?” Bri’s whole face ignited in a smile, her hands clasped in front of her face, covering her mouth to try and hold back her excitement. “For reals?”

Y/N threw her head back and laughed heartily, genuinely touched by Bri’s reaction. “Yes. I told him and we’re together now, for reals.”

Bri jumped up from her seat and pounced on Y/N, squeezing her excitedly and releasing her just as quickly than sitting back down. She exhaled a deep breath and then leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table, catching Y/N’s gaze and smiling softly.

“How was it? It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Bri!” Y/N laughed and rolled her eyes. “Come on.”

“No. No. You can’t do that. Because you have experienced something that we mere mortals only fantasize about and as one of your closest friends, I demand at least a few details.”

“Ok, fine. I don’t even know where to start… it was amazing. From beginning to end. He’s sweet and generous. And--”

“Aw, talking about me again?” Robbie crooned sweetly, as he approached the table. “It’s okay, keep talking. I love to hear the things you say about me when I’m not around.” Y/N and Bri couldn’t hold back their laughter, as Robbie took a place at the table. “What? I say something funny?”

“No, Robbie, we weren’t talking about you… but you know you’re all those things too, puddin’,” Bri teased him and pinched his beard between her fingers. “Glad you could join us.”

“Yeah, me too,” he sighed, slightly exasperated and sweaty from the day. “Wasn’t sure if I could or not. In fact, the thing on Thursday, I may have to back out. Something you could handle on your own if you needed too, Bri?”

“I mean, yeah, but I wouldn’t have too. Y/N can join me. Right? Would you be down for that?”

“Well, I--”

Y/N was cut off by the server coming to the table and taking their order. Once she collected everyone’s choices and went back towards the kitchen, Y/N continued. 

“I was planning on doing a lot of the PR stuff. Filming, live streams, talking to people about Brewfest. There are going to be a few people there with connections to big-name businesses here in Austin. I was really hoping to get a chance to pitch some things to them.”

“Those are the ones we need to take a few more of these sponsorships,” Robbie added. “But, we can figure this all out later. Just know, I may have to bail and head to San Diego.”

“Ok, fair enough. For now, I’ll bank on you being at the brewery by seven on Thursday, performance to start around eight-ish?”

“Yeah, let’s go with that--”

“Performance? What performance?”

A voice—a familiar voice—cut through the ambient noise of the room and Y/N immediately felt a tight coil of white-hot anger at the intrusion. She didn’t even have to look up to know that Dee was standing there, somewhere on the outskirts of the table between herself and Briana. Robbie was the first to look up and actually see her face. Y/N knew just by the change in his expression that she was right. 

“Dee, hey,” Robbie said, followed quickly by a nervous chuckle. “What brings you here?”

“I’ve been filming in Austin for the last month or so. I come here a lot when I just need a break, you know? Festival planning I take it? Brianna, haven’t seen you in forever, how are you?” 

“Oh, peachy,” Bri replied with a quick glance her way. “Yourself?”

“I’ve been busy, but otherwise great. So what’s this about a performance?”

“Thursday at the brewery, we’re hosting an acoustic show to drum up interest in the festival.”

“Oh, fun!” she exclaimed, the feigned excitement in her voice nulled out by expression that lived on her face. The tension that surrounded the small corner table was palpable. Bri could see Y/N trying not to have a reaction, and that Dee was purposely lingering in order to try and stir up trouble.

“Y/N,” Dee said finally, turning her attention to the quietest member of the group. “How are you?”

Y/N didn’t answer at first. Instead, she twisted slightly in her seat so she was looking up at Dee and smiled. “I’m great. Now that you’ve made the rounds, I think it’s best if you keep moving.”

Dee sighed heavily as if Y/N’s statement bore the weight of the world. “If this is about that phone call, I’m sorry, okay? I should never have done that--” Dee paused when she saw Y/N laugh and stand up from her seat. 

“I couldn’t care less about your unbelievably childish behavior, Dee. I actually find that quite amusing. I just can’t seem to breathe when you’re around. Something about you is so toxic, it poisons the air wherever you are. So, please. For the entire cafe’s sake, keep moving...” The last two words were soft enough that only Dee could hear, followed by a set of intense, narrowed (y/c) eyes.

Dee swallowed thickly, but the rest of her expression felt cold and somewhat calculated. She glanced at Bri and Robbie, who just sat staring at her tentatively, unsure of how she would respond. 

“Well, that felt unnecessary. I just wanted to say hello. No reason to get nasty and cause a scene,” Dee scoffed, giving Y/N a long look of silent accusations. “I honest-to-God don’t understand what Jensen sees in you.” She glanced around Y/N to address Bri and Robbie. “Good luck at the festival. Something tells me you’re gonna need it.”

Dee turned quickly on her heel and left the café in a huff. When she was no longer in sight, Y/N looked at Bri and Robbie and expelled the breath she had been holding. 

“Well, that was fun,” Y/N said as she fell into her chair with an exasperated huff. 

“Way to stand your ground, honey,” Bri chuckled. “That woman’s got a lot of nerve just stoppin’ by for a chat. After what she did?” Bri pursed her lips together, revealing her crater-like dimples and slowly shook her head. “Lots of damn, nerve.”

“I don’t know that she had anything to do with the break-in, Bri. Jensen brought her up only because of the lipstick. They’ve found nothing to indicate she was in the house. I just think she’s a troublemaker and phony as hell. I wasn’t kidding about the toxic thing. She literally just sucks the air out of the room.”

“She didn’t used to be like this though,” Robbie said, pausing when the waitress arrived and placed down everyone’s drink order. “I’ve known Dee for a lot of years. She wasn’t always this… dramatic and petty.” 

“Well, I guess losing a good man on purpose will do that to you,” Bri quipped as she fixed her coffee to her liking. “She did that on purpose, by the way. Just standing here, asking how you are. She wanted to goad you.”

“I know,” Y/N said and ran her hand through her hair, sitting back in her seat and sighing. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just… tired. Why can’t he and I be happy without these lunatics coming out of the woodwork to spoil everything?”

“Wait, what?” Robbie interrupted and leaned forward, his face beaming under a wide smile. “What’s this ‘he and I be happy’ bit? Does that mean what I think it means?”

“Yes! They’re together!” Bri giggled and clapped her hands together, the tension from Dee’s appearance quickly dissipating into the heat of the day. “That’s what we were talking about when you got here.”

“So, it worked?” Robbie asked Bri, catching Y/N’s attention and making her sit up straighter in her chair. 

Y/N cleared her throat to interrupt their quiet celebration. “I’m sorry, what now? Explain yourself, Robert.”

“Hmmm?” he replied disingenuously. “What’s that now?”

“Don’t be cute. What worked?”

“I’m always cute. Can’t help it. It’s the beard.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and inhaled slowly trying to contain her mild frustrations, then turned to Briana. “Briana? Care to explain?” 

Then it hit her; the bonfire. She remembered how calculated it felt that the only open seat had been next to Robbie and Jensen was so perfectly placed right across the flames of the fire. “You set us up at the bonfire. You wanted me to sing, and that’s why you said what you said when you handed me the guitar.”

“Did I say something,” Rob asked, feigning ignorance. “Don’t even remember… that...” he shrugged and trailed off.

“Look, something had to push you to take that last step. Really, what did we do, but make sure you sat in a place where you could really look at each other. Cause you didn’t, ya know. You’d look at him and he’d look away and vice versa. It was exhausting. The best part, it all worked out.”

“Thank you,” Y/N said softly, giving them both a grateful smile. “I’m happy to know that you guys have our backs.”

“Always, honey,” Bri said and covered Y/N’s hand with her own and gave it a squeeze.

After the revealing news and sprinkling of vague details, Rob and Briana shifted the conversation to the songs they could play at the brewery, while Y/N made notes on her phone. As she was typing in a list of items she wanted to bring on that upcoming Thursday night, her phone began to vibrate and the notification popped up that she had a new text from Jensen.

>>Whatcha doing?

<<Having coffee with Rob and Bri.

>>Robbie behaving? Keeping his hands to himself?

<<He’s a perfect gentleman.

>>Good. You have plans tonight?

<<Why, gonna surprise me again?

>>God, I wish. No, wanted to know if you were free to FaceTime later. I miss you.

<<Name the time. I’m there.

>>9? We should be done by then.

<<I’ll be waiting…

>>Naked, I hope.

<<Perv.

“Uhhh, Y/N?” Rob asked and waved his hand in front of her face. “You still here?”

“Oh, sorry,” she chuckled nervously. “One sec.”

<<Gotta run. Robbie’s getting jealous.

>>Don’t let him rope you in with those big blue eyes. Stay strong, Trix.

Y/N tucked her phone away and felt completely content and at ease again. The earlier, brief encounter with Dee couldn’t even damper the absolute high she felt like she was riding. She was working with two amazingly talented people who she also called friends, had a man that loved her and had even found a new city that she was falling in love with and ready to call a permanent home. In that moment, life couldn’t get much better and for a minute she completely forgot about the biggest wild card of them all… Nathan Fowler.

“I knew this was going to happen,” Y/N groaned and left the hand holding the phone slip from her ear. She took three deep breaths and brought it back up to hear Robbie talking in mid-sentence.

“...really sorry, Y/N. I tried to get out of it, but I gotta go.”

“Its okay Rob, really. I’ll figure it out. I know a few guys that will be working tonight that could do the live stream stuff if I end up playing with Bri. But let me call a few of the local musicians playing the festival. They might be able to come in, and--”

“Y/N… stop. Listen to me. YOU need to get up there. The local Austin bands are fantastic, I mean them no disrespect. But this festival is more yours now, than any of ours. You deserve to get up there, promote the hell out of it, then show those people that the person behind the scenes is just as talented as the ones they will see perform over those three days. Alright?”

Y/N was quiet. Normally, she could combat these bursts of praise from Robbie with a sarcastic quip, but right then, she didn’t have it in her. Instead, she felt nervous. The last time she really performed for a crowd had been at the convention in Chicago, and having the whole band, plus Briana on stage helped quell any nerves that cropped up. The idea of just her and a guitar, in a fully booked, standing room only venue… it was a bit too much right then.

“What--what if I can’t?” she asked, her nerves stripping down her voice to a mere whisper.

“Are you being serious right now? Ok, look. Nerves, they suck. I get it. I feel like I wanna throw up every time I walk out onto a stage; especially at the conventions. But I promise you, Y/N, you got this. Bri is gonna be there, and you two, together… unstoppable.”

Y/N expelled a nervous breath and nodded to herself. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just… it’s been a long week and it’s going to be a long night.”

“Throw out the setlist, play whatever you guys want. I promise to check in when I can, okay?”

“Aye aye, captain,” she teased.

“Go out there and kill it, I know you will. Talk soon.”

“Bye, Robbie,” she said and felt a small smile. 

Talking to Robbie was what she imagined it would be like if she had a real relationship with her big brother. Dave was never going to be supportive, kind, or even give a rat’s ass about her life; but what she had missed out on with him, she found in Robbie. Much the way she had found a new life-long best friend in Briana, and possibly the love of her life, in Jensen. With that kind of love and support around her, Y/N believed that maybe she could pull it off. All of it.

 By the time evening rolled around, she felt the nerves about the performance bouncing between false confidence and utter terror. All she could do was keep a straight face, and try not to let the overwhelming fear of screwing up take over. Briana had spent the day with her, picking out clothes, talking about songs, practicing some harmonies and just trying to keep her focused on the task at hand. Y/N was grateful to have her by her side; especially since Jensen wrapped filming and was in transit to San Diego, making him basically unreachable. 

They arrived at the brewery and were surprised to see the low rise stage already decked out with stools, guitars, mics, and the amps they would need for the show. 

“Holy crap,” Y/N mumbled as she walked into the vast space. “Someone is on their game today.”

“Hey, Y/N, Briana,” a deep voice spoke up from behind them. “Hope that’s okay for you guys.” 

Y/N turned around and recognized Paolo, one of the brewmasters as the owner of the voice. “You got this all done for us?” she asked.

“Yeah, hope that was okay. If there’s anything else you need--”

“No, this is perfect,” she smiled. “Thank you, Paolo.”

“My pleasure. Bossman says, whatever you need, I am to comply.”

Y/N chuckled softly and dropped her oversized backpack onto the floor near the stage. “Well, I will be sure to tell the boss man that you were nothing but helpful.” 

“Anything else you need?”

Y/N looked at Bri, who seemed to understand the question she was asking with her silence. She gave a nod and Y/N turned to the dark-haired man, waiting for a response. 

“Actually, how do you feel about live streaming?”

“I feel great about it,” he laughed. “My girlfriend is always doing them with her makeup tutorials. Sometimes I hold the phone for her.” He shrugged, though it was obvious by his smug grin he was rather proud of himself for that.

“Fantastic!” Y/N exclaimed and went into her duffle and pulled out the spare device she used for just such an occasion. “I am going to do a few posts of Bri, the stage, the brewery, and then I’ll pass it to you--”

“I can handle that. You’re singing too, right? So, you should be in the pictures and videos. The brewery is well staffed tonight, so they won’t miss me. I can be your personal cameraman.” Paolo was near beaming, and Y/N didn’t have the heart to tell him that wasn’t necessary. 

“Ok, sure, that would be awesome. Thanks again, Paolo. I promise to let Jensen know just how helpful you’ve been.”

Paolo gave a slight bow of his head, and when he looked up again, Y/N was touched by how big his smile was. She’d only met him a few times before when she had visited the brewery with Jensen to work on some festival business. But the way he jumped into action that night really endeared him to her and made her feel slightly less nervous that everything would go off without a hitch.

 Around ten minutes after eight that evening, the entire tasting room at the brewery was jam-packed to capacity. The patio doors were open, so the people could wander in and out of the building, and be able to hear the music no matter where they were. 

Y/N and Bri were ready to take the stage, but Paolo first insisted on giving them a proper introduction. When he got the room’s attention, he cleared his throat and spoke into the microphone--a little too close at first--but then with a wide smile, called for them to come out on stage. The room, full of locals and fans of Supernatural, broke into a loud bout of applause, shouts, and whistles as they walked out onto the stage. 

Y/N followed Briana up, and she felt the swell of nerves making her start to sweat. Keeping her eyes straight ahead and fixed on Bri, she was in awe at how effortlessly her friend was able to step up and immediately command the attention of the room. Bri gave her a side-eyed glance, and when she saw that Y/N had gone slightly pale, she took the initiative, got on the microphone and began her dialogue with the audience. 

They fell under Briana’s spell immediately and she barely had to say a word. As she spoke to the audience, engaging them in conversation about the festival and all the ways it was going to benefit the city of Austin, Y/N’s hand trembled as she picked up the guitar. She sat on the stool, positioned it on her lap and wondered if she would even be able to strum and pick at it like she needed too. The agreed upon setlist wasn’t complicated, and the longer that Briana continued to talk to them about the event, the more her anxiety over performing began to wane and she felt her confidence returning. 

Y/N cradled the neck of the guitar; the weight of it comforting and familiar. It wasn’t her guitar, not by any stretch, and the turn of emotion that ignited in her gut at the stark reminder of its absence normally would have been enough to make her seek out the closest corner to sit in and cry. She couldn’t do that, though. Y/N dug deep and remembered what was at stake and did her best to focus on that instead of what she lost. 

Briana finished her introduction and turned her attention to Y/N. 

“And all of this, ALL of it is thanks to this one-woman wrecking ball, [Y/F/N L/N]! She took the original vision of what this could be and created something none of us could even imagine. On top of all that, she’s one of the most talented musicians I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with! I couldn’t be more excited to share the stage with her tonight, so you can revel in the magic of her music right along with me!”

A boisterous round of applause from the audience made Y/N flush warm from a mild case of embarrassment. She flashed Bri a rueful smile and raised a hand to wave at the crowd. In order to avoid having to speak, Y/N just began strumming the guitar and as soon as Briana took the hint that it was time to start singing, she found the melody of the first song on their list. 

As the set played on, Briana sang a mix of covers spanning a varied mix of tempos and genres. The crowd was attentive and engaged, and even Y/N felt calmed by the entire vibe of the evening. Every so often she would look up and notice Paolo in the corner, the camera fixed on the stage. Everything was falling into place just as she had hoped, but when the song ended, Briana turned her attention to Y/N instead of to the audience and it threw her for a bit of a loop.

“I think it’s time that my friend here showed off her pipes! What do you guys say?!”

Despite the rousing response, Y/N couldn’t hear anything but the pounding of her own heart. Where the nerves were coming from, she couldn’t understand entirely; it wasn’t like she had never sung in front of a crowd before. There was something about that night though, that made her anxious about opening her mouth to sing. 

Y/N glanced up at Briana, who was watching her closely. Bri could see the bundle of nerves that lived in her friend’s brow but gave her a wide smile and a slight nod of encouragement. 

“Come on, Y/N… one song for the lovely people! I know you have something special in there to share with them!”

Y/N looked up and scanned the crowd, most of the faces looking back were now shadowed by the dim lighting of the room. But off in the corner, there stood Paolo, the camera pointed right at her and somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if maybe Jensen was watching the live stream.

The thought of him--the very simple thought of his smile--caused this slow wash of calm to suddenly flow through her. She gave Bri a little nod and readjusted the guitar on her lap so she could lean in closer to the microphone. Y/N didn’t speak; no need to address the crowd on this one. This song wasn’t for them, it was for him, and she hoped like hell that he would see it.

As her fingers found the frets, and she began to strum, she went through the first few chords of “Can’t Help Falling in Love”. She kept the tempo of the guitar slow and dreamy. With Jensen’s face on her mind, she felt a small smile caress her lips as she began to sing directly to him, some thousand miles away. 

The entire room fell silent as they watched her perform. 

“Wise men say only fools rush in, But I can’t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you

Like a river flows, Surely to the sea Darling so it goes Some things are meant to be....”

Letting the reverberations from the guitar fade out, her hands falling softly from the frets and the strings. Y/N closed her eyes and felt a rush of emotion so strong that she needed a beat to compose herself. When she continued singing, there was no music, just the sound of her voice; airy, thoughtful, and so obviously in love...

“So take my hand, Take my whole life too…”

She began to strum again, finishing the song with the soft melody of the guitar.

“For I can’t help falling in love with you. For I can’t help… falling in love with you…”

 When it faded to an end, she opened her eyes to a crowd absolutely mesmerized and enamored with the ethereal magic they just bore witness to. Even Bri, completely moved to a few stray tears, couldn’t resist the urge to get up from her stool, and drape herself over Y/N’s shoulder in a dramatic embrace for a brief moment. 

“I told you this woman was magic!” she said into the mic when she returned to her stool. “The first time I met her, she was seated at a piano, and just plucked a song out of the air to play. We just had such a blast that night. It was the best damn ‘how-do-you-do” I’ve ever had!”

Y/N shook her head and chuckled softly as she cast her eyes back to the guitar and strummed it absently until her nerves were back under control. When she lifted them up again, she searched the faces in the crowd only to see beaming smiles and hear excited chatter. Paolo was using the camera to scan the crowd as well, and Y/N could see him replying to messages in lightning-fast fashion. As she brought her eyes back to Briana on the stage next to her, off in the opposite corner of where Paolo was, she thought she caught sight of a familiar face. 

Her heart froze. There in the crowd, a head stuck out over the rest and if she hadn’t blinked a few times quickly to refresh her vision, she would have sworn she saw Nathan’s face among the guests. But, when she tried to find him, there was no one there. 

It’s just nerves, she told herself as Briana continued to wax poetic about music and back around to the festival. Y/N tried to remain engaged, but her hackles were up now, despite the residual rush of the song she just sang. 

“You, my magical musical unicorn, were amazing tonight!” Bri exclaimed as she joined Y/N in the break room at the back of the brewery. She disappeared almost immediately after the performance to change out of the tight jeans and fringed tank top she wore. Now wearing her most comfortable sweat shorts and Louden Swain T-shirt, she leaned her head on Y/N’s shoulder along with one arm and yawned wide. 

“It’s late, ready to go?” Y/N asked with a laugh as Bri exaggerated the yawn with a loud sigh afterward. “Might be past your bedtime ma’am.”

“Oh, it’s way past my bedtime. Yes, I am absolutely ready. Do you have everything?” she asked lifting her head from Y/N’s shoulder and looking around the break room. 

“I think so,” she answered and lifted an armful of files she needed to bring back to Jensen’s house, before slinging the backpack over her shoulder. Let me run this stuff out to the truck. You go grab Paolo and see if he can carry out those cases of beer. I wanted to haul a few back to the house.”

“Absolutely,” Bri said and went off to find their cameraman of the night and ask for his help one last time. 

Y/N gathered the rest of her things and as she made her way towards the rear exit of the brewery, she felt her phone vibrate from her pocket. She juggled a few files and reached in to retrieve it, noticing three new texts from Jensen.

>>How’s it going tonight? Everything set up?

>>Ohhhh live stream! Who’s taping? Is Paolo helping?

>>JFC Trix… you’re killing me. Just caught the live feed and I’m speechless… God I wish I were there.

Y/N felt her heart pounding, and a smile swelled across her lips at knowing he saw her sing. She was in the middle of a reply as she reached the parking lot. With her thoughts on Jensen and her eyes on the phone, she didn’t see the shadowy figure step out from the darkened corner of the parking lot and start walking towards her.

Just before she reached the truck, she felt it; a large, looming presence stretched out tall before her. Y/N looked up from the phone and jumped when she saw him there. The man’s face was still cloaked in darkness from the baseball cap he wore, but she knew who it was nonetheless. It hadn’t just been nerves earlier in the night, she did see his face in the crowd after all. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Nathan said, his tone calm and yet still unnerving to her ears.

Y/N completely froze; bolts of panic binding her feet to the ground. “N--Nathan? Why are you here?”

“Heard about the show, wanted to come and see you sing. It’s been a while since I have.” Nathan took a few steps closer, and even as he uncomfortably closed the distance between them, her feet still could not be swayed to move. “Want a hand with those?” he asked and pointed to the files she was gripping for dear life.

“No, I’m fine. You shouldn’t be here,” she replied sharply. “You need to go, Nathan.”

She heard him snort through his nose something that resembled a laugh, though completely devoid of actual humor. “Always trying to get rid of me, Y/N. Why? I come to see you, and you just push, and push, and push me away. Every fucking time.”

The closer he got, the more she was able to make of his features and she right away noticed he was falling back into his old ways. His face was drawn and pallid, his eyes sunken and his cheekbones high. He had probably stopped eating, just consuming booze or drugs daily with the bare minimum amount of sustenance to survive. 

“Nathan, you don’t look good. You should go home. Go back to Jersey and see your ma, she--”

“She kicked me out. I’m not welcome there, either. Which is your fault, by the way.”

“Mine?!” Y/N scoffed. “How?”

“After I came to visit you after your boyfriend threw me out on my ass--”

“Not true. You walked out and you’re lucky you did. You’re goddamned lucky that Rob and Jason were there to stop him from hitting you harder.”

Nathan ticked his head to the side, a scowl set into his features as his tongue licked over his top teeth in annoyance. “Noted,” he snapped. “After that, I started drinking again. Now…” he raised his arms up and shrugged, “now I have nothing. Again. Because of you.”

“Then why are you here?” Y/N asked, trying to stay calm and nonchalantly continue the text to Jensen, to let him know what was happening so she wouldn’t be completely alone in it. 

Nathan went to respond and saw her thumb slowly swiping across the screen. In one swift motion, he lunged forward, smacked the phone and subsequent folders from her arms, scattering papers across the parking lot.

“No! We’re talking!” he roared, making her cringe away in fear that he would raise a hand to her next. 

“Alright, Nathan. Then talk. But over there because you’re scaring me,” Y/N said softly, not wanting to provoke him any further.

Nathan took a small step backward and then laughed as the subtle nighttime breeze began to scatter papers around the empty lot. 

“Oops. Sorry. Guess I made a mess again, huh?” he snickered, his eyes growing big and wild. 

Y/N could tell his mood was becoming manic and unpredictable like it did the night he put her in the hospital. 

“What does that mean?” she asked hesitantly, but in her gut, she already knew. 

“Looks a lot like your loft,” he snarled, his eyes affixed to the papers on the ground. A dark, unnerving grin unfurled across his lips as he watched them continue to get further away. When they flickered back up to her, she could see that he was lost in the remnants of the memory. “I made a fucking mess, huh? And your dad’s guitar, woooo boy.” He leaned back, hand on his gut as he cackled with utter joy. “The way that broke in my hands… Look, I was glad I made that stupid bitch happy, but damn that alone was worth doing it for. Felt good shattering the one thing you loved so much...” 

Y/N felt like someone punched her in the chest; her breathing was shallow and the sharp pains of no air coursed through her limbs. The things he was saying… he was admitting into breaking in and trashing the townhouse. A million questions flooded her mind, but the most important thing right then was to get back into the safety of the brewery. Once he was gone, she could take what he said and go call Detective Perkins. 

Nathan shook his head, the unsettling smile still lingering. “You… you just could never be content. Could you? Always looking for something… some grand purpose. Thinking you’re special ‘cause you can play a few instruments. You ain’t special. You’re just like every other piece of trash from the beach with a good pair of tits and a stupid dream. Why should you get it, huh? What makes you better than the rest of us who didn’t get outta there?”

“Nathan… I--I don’t know what you want from me…” Y/N was slowly backing up with small, shuffling movements. “I tried to be nice and welcoming when you showed up that day. We tried rekindling a friendship after everything--”

“Friendship? Jeeeesus Christ,” he moaned and rubbed a hand over his mouth, “I don’t need any more fucking friends, Y/N, I needed you. But you were already fucking him and I can’t compete--”

“Compete?!” Y/N was finding her voice. The fear starting to dissipate and be replaced by a white, hot flash of rage. “I LEFT him because of you, you asshole! On New Years… I had him… we were together and I got all FUCKED UP and ran out because you got into my head!” She was clenching her fist around the strap of the backpack still on her shoulder and trying not to do something stupid. “I tried to be civil to you, Nathan, because of what we had. But you know, I’m glad you showed your true colors. Because of it, I am happier and more in love then I have ever been! Especially more than I could have ever really been with you…”

Nathan’s face contorted into a man prepared to pounce out of anger; his eyes were wild, his nostrils flaring, the veins in his neck pulsating with rage. Y/N saw the intent in his now dark eyes and knew she pushed too far, but she didn’t care. His body was rigid, but when he made his move, it all seemed to unravel in slow motion. 

Nathan’s arms lifted in front of him as his hands shaped into open claws with her throat as their prime target. Y/N felt like she had no control over her body. She screamed at herself to turn and just make a run for the brewery before he was able to get a hold of her, but her feet just wouldn’t move. Her eyes scanned the ground in a panic, looking for the phone he had knocked from her hand, but it just laid there with a darkened, cracked screen and the battery laying beside it. She was able to turn her head just enough to see the rear door to the brewery and the lights on the inside before she felt Nathan’s hands touch her. His fingers curled around her throat, making it difficult to move. Before they tightened completely, Y/N readied herself to fight back and just as she struggled to turn her head around back to Nathan, she was bringing up her leg to his groin with the hardest thrust she could. 

Nathan went spiraling backward with a loud grunt of pain once her knee connected with his balls. As he landed on the dirt, Y/N heard voices from behind her; it was Bri and Paolo heading towards them talking  while pushing the handcart of beer. The second they noticed what was happening, Paolo left the cart and broke out into a sprint, as did Bri, and was at her side in seconds. Bri had her arms on Y/N’s shoulders, turning her and examining her for any injuries, as Paolo went to grab Nathan. Despite the man’s inebriated condition, he scrambled to his feet, still wearing a salacious grin. He turned and ran as fast as he could, easily able to escape the last-ditch effort Paolo made to grab his arm. 

“Are you alright?” Briana asked, still desperately searching Y/N for any sign of physical trauma. “Paolo, call the police, now!”

Paolo nodded, pulled out his cell and began pacing the parking lot as he made the call.

Knowing that she was safe, protected by the presence of Bri and Paolo, Y/N was able to come to terms with what just happened. It started in her knees, the adrenaline that served her so well, now leaving her body in shakes and spurts. She tried to be strong and not let the overwhelming need to scream from the leftover terror in her gut, and if not for Bri holding her upright, she thought she may buckle under it all and fall to her knees. 

Y/N covered Bri’s hands with her own and squeezed them tenderly. “I’m fine,” she lied through a shaky breath. “It’s okay, Bri. I promise. He, uh…” she felt the lump forming in her throat at having to actually say the words, “...he touched me for a second. He put his hand on my throat, and somehow I was able to get my leg up and knee him in the crotch.”

Bri took a closer look at Y/N’s neck and thought the marks there would be enough to at least prove to the cops that he had tried to choke her, but not bad enough they wouldn’t fade in a day or so. 

“Atta girl,” she breathed, a huff of air following from her lips as she sighed in relief and pulled her friend into an embrace. “Where’s your phone? You need to call Jensen, he’ll--”

“No. Do NOT call him,” Y/N vehemently insisted. “You cannot tell him, Briana. Not yet, please.”

Briana drew in a breath to argue a case for complete honesty with Jensen, but then saw the pleading look in her friend’s eyes. Given the intensity of the situation, she didn’t want Y/N to feel anymore unnerved. She nodded softly and reluctantly agreed. “Alright. But I’m telling you if you don’t tell him soon, I will.”

“Fair enough, just… not right now. Right now, I just want to get out of here.”

“Cops are on the way,” Paolo said, rejoining them. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, he just scared me,” she replied unconvincingly. 

“That was your ex, right?”

Y/N nodded slowly, surprised Paolo knew. “Yeah, how…” then the realization dawned on her. “Did the boss man tell you to look out for him?”

“Yeah. He said if he was seen anywhere on the property, call the police immediately.”

“Of course he did,” she muttered. “Please, just let me tell him, okay?”

Paolo looked uneasy and glanced at Briana who nodded slightly in support of Y/N’s request. 

“Alright,” he agreed with a sigh, then looked around the lot at the mess of papers continuing to flutter about. “I’ll call inside, get some of the guys to come out and gather up the papers.” 

“Thanks, Paolo,” Bri said and bent down to pick up the broken phone. “Hope you had it backed up.” She said, trying to make the comment light, but the underlying ache of empathy she felt for Y/N was far louder.

“Thank God for Robbie and his cloud,” Y/N laughed, but then fell quickly silent. She didn’t know what to do next, outside of waiting for the cops to arrive. If she had just gone with Jensen… the thought plagued her. Coupled with her guilt that was attached to Nathan’s general presence, she came to realize that there was really only one place she could go that could even begin to heal the trauma she experienced at Nathan’s hand. 

Briana could tell there was something she needed to say but wanted to give her the space to say it without prodding her along. 

“Bri?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I use your phone? I need to go to San Diego.”

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[go-diane-winchester]

Ask about cockles/destiel photo ops

I received the following ask:

Hello! Would you like to share your opinion on this? If your theory on Jensen’s breakdown is right why do you think he lets this happen? instagram.com/p/Bv8rGarAmnx/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=18q895jd3uh1xlp

The link sent me to this photograph.

Sorry for the late reply.  I was offline due to technical problems.  I can guess, and I may be wrong, that this photo was taken at Vegascon, judging by Jensen's fetching ketchup flavored button down.  It was a requested photo from a heller.  And although I have answered this question, I will definitely answer again. 

This is something that I noticed hellers do [not that the ask is coming from a heller].  When you point out things like Jensen's possible breakdown at Jibcon and the fact that he never opts to do a panel with Misha except for Jib or when Jared is also present, they always point out photographs like this.  These photos were commissioned and paid for by hellers.  Photos requested at a convention don't prove that Jensen and Misha are buds or brothers or lovers, or whatever your headcanon is.  Those poses are requested.  But hellers are a special breed that doesn't has this simple concept.   

However, the very legitimate question being posed is, why does Jensen seem traumatized about destiel but still says yes to these repulsive, coerced moments.  The answer is below. 

This is an academic paper that was prepared in the University of Sydney. 

‘Jensen Ackles is a (homophobic) douchebag’: the ‘politics of slash’ in debates on a TV star’s homophobia

Joseph Brennan Department of Media and Communications, University of Sydney, Sydney, Australia Correspondence joseph.brennan@sydney.edu.au

Pages 246-261 | Received 26 Jun 2016, Accepted 10 Oct 2016, Published online: 07 Nov 2016

https://doi.org/10.1080/19392397.2016.1249897    

Link:  https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19392397.2016.1249897?tokenDomain=eprints&tokenAccess=CdC5gz3VvkPBspqA3vY6&forwardService=showFullText&doi=10.1080%2F19392397.2016.1249897&doi=10.1080%2F19392397.2016.1249897&journalCode=rcel20 

Hellers are single handedly destroying Jensen.  If he doesn't give in to the cheap shipping by the hellers, this is what they will do to him.  This is the result of heller noise on social media. 

Jensen has been forced, for years, to put up with hellers.  If he complains too much, the screaming will get worse, and they might destroy his reputation.  A homophobia accusation in this socio-political climate, will not go down well with Hollywood, flawed as the industry is.  Even Jensen's lesbian aunt wont be able to help because, people will say she is just lying to protect her nephew.  So Jensen is super-duper enthusiastic about destiel, only during the photo op because Jensen can and has turned down unbearable requests.  Of course sometimes, especially when a heller is a little civil, he will behave better.  Sometimes he just looks miserable.  Like this:

Jensen has no choice.  That might be one of the contributing factors of the show ending.  Which is why I am relieved for J2. 

[spnbaby-67]

A Love Worth Fight For

A/N:  Here is part 2, let me know how you are liking it so far, and if there is anything you want to see in future chapters, let me know. Keep in mind I don’t have a beta and I apologize for that. Please no hate on the wives I love them just the same, and don’t copy and paste on other sites without my permission. Thank you so much for the amazing responses so far. you are all awesome. 

Pairing Jensen and Samantha OFC, Cliff, other bodyguards. 

Chapter One

Chapter 2, 

I bet  your wondering why I am sitting on the floor, right? Like why didn't I just leave the hotel all together?  Well, you try dodging five or more big guys that stood  6'2" with muscles that could RIP you apart and make it look clean. Go ahead, try.  I'll sit right here while you do that. It's not easy, especially when they have your face plastered in their brains trains to kill.  Besides, my head is thinking they have every exit surrounded somehow just waiting for me to try and escape. Not so easy.

What's that saying? Shoot now and ask questions later? I'm not all about that, but damn let me tell you, you may not see Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki's full bodyguards close by, until there's a reason for them. I swear they are all huge, from the quick look I saw of them. Heck, they  maybe even taller than Jared, I dunno, but I know one thing, I gotta get out of here. But my body is so exhausted from running and hiding till I am about to admit defeat, and take the punishment regardless if I did it or not. 

You see that night I told you about, when I went to get ice cream, I ended up in jail. Because of the priors I had regardless if they were filed or not, the judge didn't care, and gave me three years in women correctional home. I had to wear an ankle bracelet at all times, and everywhere I went I had to have someone follow me to make sure I didn't leave the premises without written consent and with someone.  Sarah, my lovely so called friend had slipped a plan b into my purse apparently when I wasn't paying attention. That triggered the alarm when I was walking out, so therefore the cops came and this time a shop owner pressed charges.  See what I mean by being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Teach me to help someone again.  

Anyways, brings us back to today. I am a huge fan of the TV show called Supernatural. I discovered the show when I was in jail, and was bored one night flipping through the channels.  It was my turn to control the remote for an hour and it landed on the CW. The episode they were showing that night was Lazarus Rising.  I was captivated on a pair of green eyes that shook my core the moment I saw him escape from hell.  His hand reaching from under the ground upwards to the sky, sent chills down my spine.  I had to see who it belonged to and my heart thudded big time when I saw the handsome hunter he came to be.  Oh my gosh, the raspy sound of his voice when he tried to talk was just wow.  But ultimately I just love the dynamic of the brothers fighting the monsters and saving people and even themselves at times.  I am a big fan of Jensen and Jared, but more so Jensen.  Only because I can relate to Dean's life in a way that I feel we would hit it off if I was to ever step foot in the supernatural world.  Don't get me wrong, Jared is my heart, he saved my life a few times while I was in jail, in fact, they both did, but i will spare you the drama for now.  

After I had gotten out of jail a year ago, I had to start over. I had nothing to my name, not even the clothes on my back, they gave me those as a way of saying sorry for wrongly accusing you.  More on that later.   But my first thought was that I needed a job, and who in their right mind would hire anyone with a criminal record?  No one, well maybe Mel's diner.  And he only did that because he always pinched my ass every time he walked by me or I by him. Bleh, just thinking about that I get the Willie's, Anyways, I worked there for a year and saved up all my cash tips and managed to get into a nice apartment in walking distance to downtown Houston. All was going great, my life turned around and I even had a few friends, well I thought they were.  Let's say I know how to pick em. But it be honest, I don't know how she would turn out to be until today.  

You see, Jessie, had a wild idea to come to Nashville to volunteer to work at a supernatural convention.  I thought she was crazy,  I mean who would let people volunteer to work at a convention with huge stars like Jared and Jensen?  You gotta be crazy to do that, well apparently I was wrong, and Jessie made it so easy for me to say yes.  I am not one to question my chance meeting my one and only heart eyes of a man, but if I knew now what I knew then, I'd say no. Don't worry,  I'm getting there as to why I am sitting here on the floor.  I'm building up the excitement for you.  

I was able to score a couple of solo ops with both Jared and Jensen for that Sunday and Jessie was able to get us a duo op.   I was extremely excited and very nervous, because my anxiety was beginning to get the best of me the closer I stood to him.  He is just so beautiful, sandy blonde hair spiked to perfection, he wore ripped knee jeans and a black short sleeved shirt that hugged his body in all the right places. He had a red and black flannel on, and boots that looked worn but were comfortable. I wanted to die when we walked into the room together for our duo.  She let me hug Jensen, and we had an idea that he and Jared would stand behind us and hug us from behind then we would hold the others hand. 

Well, it turned out that Jensen had his own idea, he placed one arm around my waist and the other around my upper chest and slightly turned me like he was going to dip me. I ended up caught off guard, and my expression was real. I think that's what made the op be amazing is that it wasn't fake or planned out. Gotta love those guys for the way they take directions. I laughed back at the moment, actually it was a way to keep me from totally freaking out. I remember hearing Jensen say to me that I was beautiful and he wanted to see how our op turned out during autographs, which unfortunately never happened. You see, somehow Jessie the ever so chilled out chick, decided to pickpocket his wallet. Somewhere as we were walking out to now, I still have no idea how she did it and I didn’t even know until three gorillas came to us. 

I swear to god, I am never trusting anyone again, ever. If it's the last freaking thing I do in this world, I will never trust another soul. I always end up being the one who either gets hurt, or the one in trouble as in this case. Cliff Closterman, the boys main bodyguard came at us as we were exiting the room. 

Flashback

“That was so fucking amazing Jessie, I can’t wait to see what that is going to turn out.” I told her as i was still on cloud nine. My head was floating as we gathered our stuff that I didn’t hear the commotion behind me. 

“Yeah, that was. Now come on let’s go.” She retorted as she pushed me out the door. 

“What is wrong with you? Your acting like you did something wrong, Jess.” I stopped and turned to look at her. “What the hell did you do?” Just the look on her face proved it. 

“Nothing, just, let’s go.” She looked back at the room the boys were in and then back towards me with a scream or yelp, I dunno. I do know we were faced with Cliff. 

Now if you have not ever had an altercation with Cliff, I absolutely advise you not to do it. He is so super scary when he crosses his arms across his chest and his face means business. I felt ten inches smaller than him as he stood before us. “H-Hi?” I tread with caution, “c can I do anything for you?”

“No, but you can follow me. Both of you.” He grabbed both of our arms one on each side and walked us back into another room separate from where we were before.” 

I tried my best to wiggle free, but damn he had a hold on my wrist so tight that I knew it would bruise later. I kept looking over behind his back at Jess who kept whispering “what the hell did I do?” 

 “I do? I didn’t do shit,” I kept telling her. “Fuck,” I said under my breath, I know how this is going to fucking end for me.” I suddenly had a feeling something terrible was going to happen. 

We get to a room and Cliff pushes us into it and shuts the door behind him and stands there like a big muscled man that dared you to move or try to escape, my heart was pounding and my body was hot on the inside, it was getting to the point I couldn’t breath. Moments later, the other door opened and two other big guys like Cliff came in and walked over to us. 

“Open your bag please.” One said so sternly and with demand to his voice. 

“Why do I have to open my bag? I didn’t do anything.” I tried to sound cool, but I don’t think that helped.

“Either we can do this here, nice and quietly. Or, we can go downtown and do it there not so quiet. Either or, it’s up to you. Now, open your bag.” His voice rose an octave or two, making my knees knock with nerves. 

“Fine,” I rolled my eyes as I put my bag on the table, unzipped it to let them look at whatever is supposed to be in there. “HOLY FUCK!” I said out loud as I saw it. How the fuck did Jensen’s wallet get in my bag? My mouth dropped and my breathing picked up considerably as I stood there feeling like I was about to be sick. 

“Sam? What the hell did you do?” Jess thought she’d play the innocent child card like she had no clue what was going on while she tried to get a look. 

“I-I-I-I di didn’t do anything, honestly.” My voice trembled as tears began to form in my eyes, I could feel them pricking, teasing me as they built up. My heartbeat also picked up a few notches as well,  so much that I had to sit down or I was going to faint.  

“Yeah, that’s it. That’s Jensen’s wallet” Cliff the guard from earlier came over to look in my bag to verify it was Jensen's. 

Suddenly, I felt two strong hands on each side of my shoulders lifting me from my chair, I tried to beg with them telling them it wasn’t me, that I didn’t do that. But thanks to Jessie, she sweet talked her way out of it and they let her go because they didn’t have any evidence on her to prove she did it. She got to leave, but not me. They took me to another room with only one door this time, and I was alone in this room with three big guys trying to find my escape. Eventually, I gave up trying to find a way out. I knew they went to go find Jensen, tell him they found the person who took his wallet, and he was going to have them lock me up. I just knew this. 

Thoughts after thoughts ran through my head the longer I had to wait, that I hid my face in my hands covering my embarrassment, I didn’t want to face Jensen when he walked in, if he even walked in. My chest sunk in when I heard the door open, I was scared to look up because I knew who it was just by the smell of his amazing cologne. When I did look up, my heart broke and my spirit fell when I saw the look in his eyes. I never wanted to be the one who put sadness in those beautiful eyes, I never wanted to inflict any kind of pain to him. But here I was doing that and then some. My first thought was here I am heading back to jail. 

Jensen walked over to me, then around and behind me. I could feel the tension between us that I was so scared to even move. He then made his way to stand  before me and I dunno if he was trying to be a good cop or bad cop, but my heart beat pounded so hard inside my body that my head felt like it was going to explode. The way he stood before me with his hands spaced flat on the table that separated us, he bent over a bit and looked directly into my eyes.  I knew I was in so much trouble.

"So, your the one who took my wallet?" His stance was lethal as he looked into my eyes. If you ever want to see Dean Winchester come to life in front of you, make Jensen Ackles mad. I swore I saw Dean appear before me. 

"I, I," I tried to speak but my throat felt dry and like it was closing in on me. He stood straight up and placed his hands on his hips, his eyes still baring into mine. I wanted to be sick.  

He cleared his throat, "Look, I don't know why you took it, or what possessed you to do such an act. But, I have to press charges.  I can't let things like this slide.  I will do my best to keep this strictly between us, and out of the public eye to protect your privacy as well." 

I heard him speaking, I really did. But my brain couldn't constitute his actual words after he said press charges,  I let my tears fall and my head take over. I just kept agreeing to what he was saying, I was heading back to jail. I couldn't accept that, I worked too hard to stay out of it, that I had to do something. 

Two guards left, leaving just Jensen, me and Cliff in the room. Cliff moved away from the door to file reports, and Jensen turned his back from me to answer a call.  I knew he was pissed, I mean who in there right mind wouldn't be? I took a deep breath, said a silent prayer on hoped things would work my way. I scanned the room and took another look around, then bolted the room so fast that I left my belongings behind. 

@deans-baby-momma @impalaimagining @grnsorrow

[hippychick006]

4.14 - Sex and Violence

I’m going to call this the episode that hellers should watch a hell of a lot more closely.  This is a very long post but there’s so much going on in this episode that can’t be summarised and I want to capture it all so I’ll put it under a cut this time.

Dean wakes up and Sam’s not in bed, but in the bathroom whispering on the phone.  It couldn’t look more like Sam’s having a secret affair if they tried, which he kind of is, going off with Ruby.

Did Sam just call Dean kiddo?  Dude, he’s four years older than you and thirty!

Sam’s puppy eyes and “please” work on the guy they are interviewing who bludgeoned his wife to death in the opener with a meat tenderiser, so he tells them about the stripper he was going to run off with.

Sam goes to speak to the Dr involved in the case and oh my God, Dr Cara has dark hair, and if you change the last two letters, we get Cass!  Definitely hinting at Sastiel which is totally end game (me if I was a heller).

Dr Cara asks to see Sam’s badge again which he shows with a lot more confidence than when he was a bikini inspector in the early seasons. He also looks like an FBI agent instead of a kid just out of high school.   My bby is growing up

Hellers need to watch this episode if only because the doctor explains what oxytocin is - which explains why Destiel is not now and never will be canon because there is absolutely zero attraction between Dean and Castiel. I don’t even think Castiel;s body would release any hormones.

Dean walks in and Dr Cara brushes him off and goes back to speaking to Sam. Heh.  Later Dean accuses Sam of c-blocking him.  No Dean, she’s just into Sam and given your brother is really smoking hot, it should happen a lot more often than it does.  Dean quickly cheers up though as they seem to be on a case involving strippers, finally.

They figure out through a phone call with Bobby - and how did the Winchesters cope before him? - that they are dealing with a siren.

The strippers are named after Disney princesses: Ariel, Aurora, Jasmine and next up Belle.

Hellers, this line (which Sam says to Dean in the strip club) will be important later in the episode:  “Yeah. You see, sirens can read minds. They see what you want most and then they can kinda, like, cloak themselves. You know, like an illusion.”

Remember it looking like Sam was having an affair earlier in the episode?  Now Dean’s checking through Sam’s phone to see who he called.  He dials a number he doesn’t recognise and it’s Ruby.  Dean’s pissed.  When Sam returns and Dean tells him he forgot his cell phone, Sam looks guilty.  Oh show.

They find out from Bobby that to kill the siren, they need some of his venom which may be in the blood of the guys so they go back to the hospital.  Sam and Dr Cara flirt and Dean rolls his eyes.

FBI man, Nick Munroe’s arrived and incidentally, the actor, Jim Parrack, is listed as the same height as Jared on google.  I liked Jim’s role in this, quality guest stars in both Cara and Jim.

Nick phones the number on Sam’s FBI card to check their credentials and we see that Bobby has a list of phones covering Federal marshals, FBI, CDC, police and health inspectors which is a nice little detail.

Sam persuades Dean to work with Nick to get him out of the way so that Sam can get the blood samples.  Dean agrees, but he’s not doing it for Sam, he’s doing it for the girls.

Sam finds the blood gone.  Switch to Dean who is bonding with Nick in the strip club.  Nick hands over an evidence bag containing a flower which he says was found at each crime scene.  Dean recognises the flower from Dr Cara’s office.

Cut to Sam and Cara talking about the case, and Cara says at one point: “Come on. Haven't you ever been in a relationship where you really love somebody and still kinda wanted to bash their head in?  ”I’m thinking yes, Dr Cara and that person is his brother.

Dr Cara offers Sam a drink and for the first time in Sam’s history, he accepts (he’s normally the one stopping Dean from taking things - like the Carrigan’s offering peanut brittle in A very Supernatural Christmas episode.

Dean calls and Sam rejects the call.  

Sam and Dr Cara get it on and that’s twice Sam’s been shirtless this season.  I mean if I’d worked as hard as Jared to get that body, I’d want to show it off a little too. 

Sam returns to the motel - and we get a beautiful shot from behind of what appears to be a freshly showered Sam walking down the corridor to the room.  Velma Dinkley is right, those shoulders...

Dean’s not in the room so Sam calls him.  There follows a whole conversation which I can’t do justice to, but basically Dean tells Sam he thinks the siren is Dr Cara.  Sam tells him he doesn’t think it is.  Dean asks Sam if he slept with her, which Sam denies and we get this from Dean: “Holy crap. You did. Middle of Basic Instinct and you bang Sharon Stone? Sam, you could be under her spell right now!” and also this one, “No, It's just...first it's Madison, and then Ruby, and now Cara. It's like... what is with you and banging monsters?” 

Upshot of the conversation is that Dean doesn’t trust Sam and he’s going to finish off the case himself.  I love Dean, I do, and I’d love to say he’s already under the siren’s spell during all of this, but he’s not.  My bitter Sam girl is starting to rise up and Season 4 only gets worse from here on out.  

The only consolation I have is that Sam looks smoking hot during that entire conversation.  Jared really suits the dark suit and the open necked shirt look.

Sam throws his phone after that conversation and I think we’re supposed to see this as Sam becoming angry and unable to control it.  I’d have thrown my phone too after that conversation so try harder on the anger front show.

Dean phones Bobby and asks for his help and then Nick to help him with the case and they start following Dr Cara.

Dean tells Nick his crazy theory, and asks Nick to just trust him on that.  To Dean’s surprise and delight Nick agrees.  Dean says. “Thank you. That's actually nice to hear.”

They share a drink from Dean’s hip flask which is a bad move on Dean’s part, because Nick then says Dean should have wiped the flask before drinking, revealing he’s the siren.  

Hellers, this next line is also important: “ I should be your little brother. Sam. You can't trust him. Not like you can trust me. In fact, I really feel like you should get him outtta the way, so we can be brothers. Forever.”

Sam’s been out - not sure where - and when he returns to the motel, he sees Nick sitting on the bed.  He asks what he’s doing there but gets jumped from behind and pulled back against the door with a knife to his throat by Dean.  Sam quickly figures out that this is not normal behaviour - even for Dean - and accuses NIck of being “one butt ugly stripper.”

Sam doesn’t struggle in Dean’s arms too much and I got to say he looks kind of comfortable where he is.  Sam tries to appeal to get through to Dean, but Nick shows Dean is under his control by getting him to cut Sam’s neck a little.

Hellers, this next line is again important.  When Sam accuses Nick of poisoning Dean, Nick answers: “No. I gave him what he needed. And it wasn't some bitch in a G-string. It was you. A little brother that looked up to him, that he could trust.”   The episode could not hammer this home more clearly, how on earth do you all misinterpret the hell out of this episode?

Nick sprays Sam’s mouth with venom and I’m only slightly disappointed he didn’t get closer to Sam to do it.  Honestly, Jim and Jared only had a couple of scenes but they were good ones and I love when Nick beckons Sam forward and he just goes.

There follows a brilliant scene between Sam and Dean with lots of hurtful things being said between them (again it sounds more like Dean’s accusing Sam of having an affair than anything else).    

My favourite line during this is from Sam and the delivery was perfect: “You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo.”

BROTHER FIGHT!  And we should have more of these, if for the only reason that Jared and Jensen are seamless in the fight choreography when it’s between the two of them.  

Dean wins the fight, by crashing Sam through the motel door and it’s interesting the only time I can remember Sam winning is when he was hopped up on demon blood.    

Sam’s lying winded on the door, Dean grabs a conveniently located emegency axe and goes to swing it.  

Bobby’s arrived!  And just in the nick of time.  He stops the axe and stabs Dean to get some infected blood and to Sam’s anguished cries of “no!”, he throws the knife at a rapidly retreating Nick, killing him. 

That shot of Sam on the floor at the end of the scene :(

At the end of the episode, they both say they didn’t mean the things they said:

SAM: 'Kay. So... so we're good?

DEAN: Yeah, we're good.

Narrator’s voice: They were not good.

What I am going to point out loud and clear for the final time, is that for all four men, the woman appeared as a stripper and they thought they loved her so the relationship was clearly sexual.    For Dean, his siren is a representation of his brother.

Coming up, Sam and Dean go to couple therapy.  (Which I’ll come back to in episode 4.18 (The Monster at the end of this book).

If it’s not clear, I loved this episode, even with all the brother angst - ok, if I’m going to be completely honest, especially with all the brother angst.

Next up Death Takes a Holiday.