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kimbleefucker · 2 years

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I've decided to make a masterpost of Kimblee's Jewish coding complete with FAQ so I can refer to it whenever necessary and also hopefully so people will stop goywashing him.

Goyim, I'm asking you Nicely, please read and consider before dismissing, because y'all like to reject Jewish opinions instinctively before consideration. Many sources and links abound, so a worthwhile read even just to educate yourself on Jew-Coding.

It's long but I promise, it's worth it.

I'm gonna start head to toe and begin with intent, because this is where people immediately become dismissive.

"Did Arakawa intend for Kimblee to be Jewish?"

The answer is yes and no. You first need to understand what coding is. This article on Jew-Coding is important to read to understand first. Jew-Coding is often used negatively, but surprisingly often unintentionally. This is because Jew-Coding has been present for... well, forever. Because of this, it's deeply ingrained into society. What started off initially as an intentional way to convey to audiences a villain should be read as a Jew, is now associated with villainy often without the immediate connection; however, that does not mean it is not Jew-Coding. This is also still extremely prevalent in queer coding WRT villains as well. It's important to recognize that almost all media has antisemitism baked into it, because unfortunately almost all performance and literature used antisemitic Jew-Coding in the past, and it is part of the inherent culture.

Arakawa is an artist, and like most artists she uses visual cues to convey a message or characterization for her audience to understand a character before they truly meet them. If you think of a stereotypical villain, many features may come to mind and... they often come from Jews.

Keep in mind Arakawa is a Japanese person writing about a time and place she did not inhabit. I don't think its beyond a stretch of the imagination that when researching early 1910s Germany and UK, to find what you believe a villain to look like to the people of that time and place. What propaganda do you think she came upon that was relevant in that time period that could have helped shape her perception of what a Bad Guy looks like in that environment?

Kimblee is specifically similar to Ashkenazi Jews, "are usually depicted as having large hook-noses and dark beady eyes with drooping eyelids". Arakawa does not shy away from these features. She does not make him grotesque or ugly, but it is undeniable she uses these traits to illicit an immediate assumption about his character; she even states herself she wanted to make his face look "sleazy and untrustworthy", another stereotype of Jews. In addition to that, Jews are often portrayed as having hooded/half lidded "drooping" eyelids and eyebags (which are often real Ashkenazi traits) and were called "sleepy eyed Jews" derogatorily. In fact these traits were even used by nazis to identify Ashkenazim.

I don't say this with the intent of demanding that Arakawa is a nazi or even antisemitic, merely that she utilized visual story-telling to create an untrustworthy or shady character immediately- but the visuals she used, yes, come from a history of associating Jews with crime.

When Kimblee is drawn with the stone, it's not hard to see the similarities to Jewish stereotypes of greed. The idea that Jews will kill others for gold coins or money is almost always accompanied by imagery of coin pondering and admiration. It is not a stretch by any means to notice the similarities here.

It's worth noting also that, unfortunately, this method works. Often you will see people denounce Kimblee as "ugly", but when you press for what about him is ugly, it's hard to find reason that doesn't play into the above. For this reason, I actually find it rather offensive when people try to erase these traits. Just because they were used for a bad reason, doesn't mean he doesn't have them. Just because they are often weaponized against Jews, doesn't mean we don't actually have these features. To remove them is to attempt to cleanse us of our ethnic identity as you've felt it's been dirtied, but that isn't true. I think by now we should know that removing ethnic traits, for any reason, is unacceptable.

"Is that all his Jewish coding is?"

No! Actually, Kimblee has more Jewish coding than even that. Outside of his features, his given name (Solf) is Hebrew in origin.

His personality too, can be considered quite Jewish. Jewish people are stereotyped as often playing devil's advocate, answering questions with questions, and often complaining (Kimblee is seen complaining often about having to work, getting his clothes dirty, having places to be, etc.). He is also seen as someone who sits on the sidelines, doesn't choose a side, is for his own benefit. This stereotype is heavily associated with Jews in the west, as we are seen as having "dual loyalty", and will always forsake any birth country for Israel.

Additionally, his alchemy and the way his technique can also be interpreted as Semitic.

Firstly, his alchemy is tattooed on his hands. Hands are important symbolism for Jewish characters. You'll often see stereotypes of Jewish characters clapping or clasping their hands together, or wringing their hands. This plays both into the importance of hands and hand signs in Judaism, but also stereotypes of Jews, relating to the hands coming together as a sign of greed or bringing misfortune on others (Kimblee claps his hands together to cause immediate destruction). The hamsa also adds another layer to this.

Kimblee's alchemy symbology uses a hexagram (the star of David) as well as a sun and moon, which are intrinsic to the Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism. The Kabbalah is used in FMA for various reasons, the tree of life is hugely symbolic. Kimblee's alchemy utilizes the sun and moon, which I've already explored for it's other meaning into his character, but notably the Hebrew calendar used both the solar and lunar calendars. It isn't significant, but it's still fun to note.

"The elephant in the room though is that Kimblee committed genocide, shouldn't that revoke his Jew Card?"

Honestly? No. Kimblee's Jewishness should not be erased because of the above.

Yes, he did. But keep in mind that he exists in a world unlike ours, where the Shoah did not occur, and in theory he has not been subjected to antisemitism (though, it would be an interesting character exploration if he had been, and still chose to do this). We have to be able to recognize important character coding in media that is used for the audience response, and accept that within it's respective universe, it may not have the same application. We, the audience, recognize Kimblee's Jewishness, but that doesn't mean within the world he lives he experiences the same things Jews do in our universe.

I'd like to remind everyone that the Ishvallan's are notably Muslim, and at the expense of touching very lightly on a political issue, that you can draw your own conclusions from that re: Palestine. What I'm saying is, even within our own universe, Jewish people are not immune from war crimes or bigotry. Just look at Ben Shapiro.

I don't want to use bad actions to revoke Jewishness, because that isn't how it works in the real world, and it shouldn't be that way in the fictional one. We cannot exist demanding only the purest and cleanest representation, because to do so is to dehumanize. Whether Kimblee is a good person or a bad person, he is still Jewish.

Reclamation is a powerful thing. It allows marginalized groups to take back things that have been used to hurt us, and love them for being part of us. We have that right.

The queer community is often allowed to do this without criticism; Poison from Street Fighter is seen as a trans icon now, despite her origin being explicitly transmisogynistic. Trans and cis allies alike celebrate her transness.

Then I ask, why is it not the same for Jews? Why is it when we speak about characters that are importantly Jewish, we are denied this? We are told that we're just projecting, that it's just a headcanon, that we see Jewishness in too much of the world, when Jewishness was stolen and co-opted into the very things we mention? The truth is, people either see Jewish as only a religion they equate to another form of Christianity, or feel uncomfortable with the concept of a character being Jewish.

I have experienced gentiles who know little about being Jewish tell me what being Jewish means, what is and isn't antisemitic, what is and isn't Jewish- we are denied even the right to take what is ours. The purpose of this tangent is to make you think before you have a reactionary response and say "well Kimblee can't be Jewish!" Well, why can't he? Why are you so opposed to him having an ethnic identity like that? If you are that resistant to accepting a character's Jewishness, that is something you must address within yourself.

(I may come back to add more/more sources later but yeah. you know.)

#solf j kimblee #solf j. kimblee #kimblee #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab

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bananitryithegoatman · 11 months

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This is horrible and i am really scared.

My family and i (four people) are planning to fly to Germany to try get an asylum there.

Russia is currently about to pass a law that would prohibit trans people medical transition, surgeries and change of documents with NO EXCEPTION. Recently they also passed a law that prohibited any "LGBT propaganda" amongst ANY PEOPLE, not just children now, what they describe as propaganda is vague but taken everything that would include even mentioning your sexuality or gender identity to anyone. They also are talking about opening "Center of studying LGBT's behavior" which is literally, and i'm quoting, would be directed on conversion therapy.

I'm already used to get harassed getting outside, every time, people point at me, laugh, call me names, verbally assault me, once a person tried to fight me for "looking like a f*ggot", and even if i try to do something about it - i can't go to police because here they treat queers like shit. it's almost impossible to find an apartment to rent due to my passport's gender mark not looking like how i look right now, and even if i tried to find a side job besides being an artist i WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO because even tho legally no-one is allowed to deny me work based on my gender, practically - it's a lie, and it's more shameful to hire a trans person than to deny them. And i KNOW that every bad thing i face due to how supported transphobia in this country will multiply when they pass that law, and i don't know if that's just it, there's no guarantee that they won't, perhaps, say that everyone diagnosed F64 must go to their "LGBT behavior study clinic" :) I feel like my life, the lives of my family, is under a threat here. I am GENUINELY afraid to go out alone and i am afraid to leave them go out alone because i never know what's gonna happen to them, i feel like at any moment when i'm not hiding, when i'm just out for groceries there's always a chance for me to get harassed again or even get beaten. I see how people look at me and i see they wish me dead.

I'm certain there will be more laws like this and therefore it's not safe for any of us to stay. If i believed that maybe things get better - now i see they'll get worse.

In september we'll be heading to Germany to seek asylum, we'll try to get refugee status. Me, my partner, my friend and his partner. If we stay - we'll die, either by someone's hands or by ours and no one here would know cause this shithole country doesn't take a crap.

Fly tickets per person is $383 My income as an artist is only around $600, $1000 AT BESTa month. rent + bills is $250. $350 left is spent on food and necessities, i simple won't be able to afford the plane tickets for four people. We contacted all LGBT organisations in Russia that could help us get the tickets, but we're not the only ones who's trying to leave, so i don't know if they'll even respond.

We'll need to collect $1532 to get out of here. PLEASE if you can, help us get out of here, it's really not safe.

Even a dollar or a share of our situation would be of help.

#help #transphobia #transgender #lgbtq #lgbt #queer #need help #lgbt help #refugee

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elvenbeard · 1 year

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5 Facts About Me

I was tagged by @gloryride thank you so much!! :D

I live and grew up in rural Germany

Always been here, in a tiny town (less than 1000 residents) and everyday really at this point I'm torn about wanting to leave or wanting to stay XD Job opportunities are scarce, the infrastructure sucks, it's an absolute pain in the ass to be this far out and away from bigger cities with so many more opportunities and services (be it something as silly as being able to order takeout or something as serious as finding queer-friendly medical professionals). On the other hand, it's very peaceful here. I'm surrounded by mountains, forests, lakes, I can see so many stars at night, it's amazing. Something in between would be cool, where I get nature but also a little more convenience (a supermarket in walking distance would be the dream, having to rely less on a car to get somewhere in general), but I haven't found that place yet.

I have a cat

Her name is Luna, and she is a feisty little menace and one of the sweetest and funniest cats I've ever known! She's been with me since late 2019, adopted from a shelter where she was notorious for getting into fights with other cats and staff apparently XD When I picked her up the first time she immediately snuggled up to me and gave me lots of kisses xD Could say it was love at first sight really. Also, I leash-trained her and we go on little outdoor adventures regularly (another reason why I'd like to remain living near a place where we can keep doing that).

Piercings!!

I have 7, 3 in my face, 4 in my ears altogether. And I want moooore, but I'm paralyzed by all the choices :D One I've wanted for a long time is a nose bridge one, and I think it would suit me, but it would also intensify my resting bitch face by 100% so, I'm a little on the fence still xD I might also be a little obsessed with the one my V has on his cheek, because that's one I'd never really seen on a real life person before. They do exist though, as dermal anchors/implants and I think I've also seen pics where they looked like done "regularly", kinda like eyebrow piercings, so more research and a consultation by a professional are required before I settle on anything XD

I studied Computer Science and Media

I never finished my course though, didn't get a degree, and I beat myself up for it for a long time. I quit in the first place because I was so burnt out and depressed and unhappy with everything to do with uni, it really almost killed my creative drive for good. Not only were we constantly told we'd only have a chance in jobs and fields after graduating that sounded absolutely dreadful to me, the faculty itself seemed to make it as hard as possible for us every step of the way to reach the end of the course (from "killer-exams" to get rid of the students only in it with "the wrong intentions", and a horribly disorganized administration that regularly just lost your grades and scores and tried to blame it on you). I'm someone who loves learning, and I loved learning what I did there. I have many amazing memories of people and projects we got to work on. But it's all overshadowed by the awful strucutures in place around it. I'd still like to study something some day, maybe to do with art or history or film or languages... but currently I'm kinda just happy existing and doing things at my own pace, without too much outside pressure to perform.

I work at a supermarket and am a registered freelance artist

I have a stable, permanent, part-time job at a supermarket (the wine and liquors department is all mine to manage basically, and I don't even drink XD but it's a lot of fun there really. Unless when something breaks...)

Money-wise, this job's just enough to not worry too much about life atm, but I wouldn't mind more xD It being part-time gives me a lot of free time I wouldn't have at most "regular" jobs, but rarely having a weekend sucks big time, especially when most of your friends work "regular" jobs.

I'm also registered as a freelance illustrator, and I'd love to get back into the swing of offering commissions again at some point, or building a small creative business somehow that would make the supermarket job obsolete in the end (just havent quite figured out what and how to pull that off, all attempts so far semi-successful XD). But yeh, that's like, the ultimate dream, really. Just making art and living off of it, and still having the time to follow my hobbies and go on adventures with my cat xD Don't need fame or riches, just want a comfortable, happy life bringing joy to others with what I do. And that joy-part, and feeling useful is what's lacking at my current dayjob. It's a job, it pays the bills, it can be fun and leaves a little bit of creativity here and there even... but it's not as fulfilling as I'd wish it to be.

I've seen a lot of people do this already, so I'm just gonna say: if you read this far and want to share some fun facts, consider yourself tagged to make your own 5 facts post! XD

#personal stuff #tagged

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pandasmagorica · 9 months

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Happy endings, sad endings

Sometimes endings are happy. Sometimes endings are sad. Sometime they are bittersweet. And sometimes they are open, ambiguous.

Some people are okay with sad or open endings. Others are not.

The main driver of this post is the impending ending of By My Favorite this coming Friday. I'm posting this on Tuesday, August 8, and the finale is Friday, August 11.

This post has partial spoilers for 3 Will Be Free (through the end of the series), 55:15 Never Too Late (ditto), Bad Buddy (ditto), Secret Crush on You (ditto), Be My Favorite (through the end of episode 11), and miscellaneous queer films and plays, as seen through the lens of someone who is watching Be My Favorite for the first time and has years of queer media watching behind him.

There is some current angst in the Be My Favorite discussion that it could have a sad ending, that is, that Kawi will die. We don't know for sure this will happen. It looks bad. It looks so bad that Pisaeng desperately tries the crystal globe and is rewarded with a trip to the past. The mystery uncle who seems to know everything there is to know about time travel says you can go back in time and change your actions, but you can't change fate. So, the series could still end with Kawi's death at a relatively young age, in his late 20s.

It could also be open-ended where we spend all of episode 12, the finale, in the past and we never find out what happens seven years later.

The point is, it's looking like we're not going to get an unambiguously happy ending.

And I'm okay with that.

I love happy endings. And I think we are getting enough of them that we can tolerate a sad ending now and then.

As I mention in my Tumblr intro post, I'm an older queer cis dude. When I was in college I saw the plays Boys in the Band and Fortune and Men's Eyes on stage. Both present sad pictures of gay male life. Even if nobody died (in Band, don't remember for Fortune), I can't really say that either one presented a happy ending.

When I was coming out in my late 20's, I saw various gay-themed films of the time (from what I can remember) Sebastiane (martyrdom), The Consequence (disappearance), The Children's Hour (suicide), This Special Friendship (suicide), The Music Lovers (suicide or murder), Death in Venice (death from disease), That Certain Summer (rejection by the son), Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom (multiple murders), The Rocky Horror Picture Show (happy ending for the straight couple, death for the homosexual), Fox and His Friends (financial ruin), El diputado (don't remember, but I think it wasn't happy), Deathtrap (the gay characters supposedly kill each other), Taxi Zum Klo (gay teacher shows up drunk in class), Making Love (couple splits but one gets a new relationship), La Cage aux Folles (I think this one ends with the conservative in-laws accepting the gay couple parents), and Personal Best (one of a same-sex couple ends up in a straight relationship).

Gay characters were showing up in non-gay films as well, but didn't always end well. For example, in Francois Truffaut's The Last Metro (1980), there is a gay character who dies. It happens in the middle and is not the focus of the film, but that was common for the time. @absolutebl calls this "Kill the Gays".

There were happy endings for gay characters in film, more and more as time went on, but it wasn't until I moved to San Francisco and started attending the Frameline film festival that I started seeing happy endings regularly. Nowadays there are so many happy endings to gay films that I don't mind the occasional unhappy one.

My lesbian bestie says happy endings for lesbians are few and far between. Heterosexual Jill is a good one.

Okay, lets do some time travel back before I started watching gay and gay-adjacent content.

When studying queer film history casually, I saw Mädchen in Uniform (Germany, 1931) which had an attempted suicide which was averted. But things changed, at least in the US, with the implementation for the Motion Picture Production Code, also known as the Hayes Code, from 1934 to 1968. This required banning on-screen representation of homosexuality, and all extramarital sex had to be shown as unattractive and illicit. Homosexuality became coded, hidden. There was a gay-positive reference at the end of Some Like it Hot (1959), but that film was denied a seal of approval. However, since the code was technically voluntary, it got distributed anyway and was a hit. (Sadly, I didn't like it when I saw it as part of the same study series.)

Okay, so now we move to QL. Thai QL apparently started with the same trend of unhappy endings (Love of Siam and the gay part of Dew the Movie, for instance). But nowadays we get mostly happy endings, particularly on GMMTV.

Some argue whether Bad Buddy has a happy ending. Pat and Pran are together, but officially have to keep their relationship a secret, even though their parents actually know. I argue it is a qualified happy ending, as they are together and happy, if not fully open.

Secret Crush on You has happy endings for not only the gay couples, including femme characters, but also for the non-binary/trans character.

We are also getting some mixed endings in queer-adjacent series.

55:15 Never Too Late leaves a straight teacher dead and the gay character alone (but, I argue, more at peace with his current fate and the opportunity to move forward now that he knows he is loveable). The other straight characters have a chance at happiness but it remains to be seen if they will achieve it. Also, the gay character's 15 year old love interest is left alone, not knowing why the 15 year old he loved disappeared. Hopefully, he has a chance at happiness as well. I'd call it a slice of life open ending.

3 Will Be Free leaves our 3 lead characters safe. The gay character appears to no longer be part of the throuple, but this was the least of his worries during most of the series. The trans character has lost both of the men who she loved and who accepted her unconditionally, and has had experiences which will likely haunt her for the rest of her life, but has gotten closure and affirmed her identity. So I'd call the ending mixed.

So, let's get back to some possible not-so-happy endings for Be My Favorite (thanks to @twig-tea for some episode 12 speculation:

Pisaeng's trip to the past does not result in Kawi surviving. (Kawi may even say he's okay with this.)

Pisaeng breaks up with Kawi so as not to ever infect him.

Pisaeng waits until he is about to be sick then leaves Kawi temporarily so as not to infect him. (Least time away from Kawi but also least dramatic. And if it's fate that Kawi dies it may not help.)

Pisaeng and Kawi wear masks once Pisaeng realizes he's getting sick. (Okay, this one is even less dramatic but I can't believe in the age of COVID they didn't think of that, even if the series doesn't seem to acknowledge that 2020-2022 was treated by most of the world as an epidemic. Not sure whether Thailand is as mask-positive as Hong Kong although I have noticed some masks in various Behind the Scenes videos.) But it's too late and Kawi gets sick and dies anyway.

Let's face it. We have Schroedinger's ending. It's already been edited and in the can (well, on the hard drive). Whatever we will see on Friday has already been ordained: happy, sad, mixed, open, ambiguous.

But we've had enough happy endings for gay characters that if this one's sad, then bring it on. I'll be sad, but not mad as long as they set it up.

And it would be nice to see happy endings for trans and lesbian characters as well.

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evergreenalice · 1 year

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don't read this if you're prone to catastrophizing like I am, like seriously I can't stress enough this will be bad for you to read if you are similar to me. I want to make that very clear

so I watched Cabaret yesterday, both the movie and the 1993 version of the musical, and I thought it was great. I definitely preferred the musical to the movie, but I did enjoy the movie

most of the characters believe that the Nazis won't really become a major issue, they simply continue on with their life ignoring the rising threat of fascism

I consider it to be uncomfortably relevant to today

I feel like a lot of people believe we've progressed too much to ever reach such a point again. but sometimes I think about the first gay rights movement started in Germany. things were getting better and more progressive, a lot of queer people really thought they were finally seeing the slow end to their oppression. and many of them died in camps despite that

and that's fucking scary

I don't usually share my fears of the future for two main reasons

I believe optimism is far more useful so I try to spread that when I can

honestly I feel like I'd be ignored, told to stop overexaggerating and that'd be the end of it, the response to venting

and I want to believe that, that I'm overexaggerating, but it's so hard, when we have the most popular Republican in the country calling to terminate the constitution

you have the Great Replacement Theory on Fox News. I got into politics very young, I remember when that was like, really fucking fringe, shit you'd only see spoken of by open neo-Nazis

the recent groomer moral panic around queer folk

I want to believe I'm overexaggerating, there's always been a part of me that says "calm down Alice they're not literally fascists" but every turn it feels like they're trying to prove that part of me wrong

and it's scary

I feel like some people don't comprehend that the past really happened. sure they know it happened, but they don't really comprehend that the past is as real as today

I feel like people don't understand that there isn't some special quality that separates us from the people nearly a century ago

democracies fell, fascists rose, genocides happened

and they still can

I suppose what I'm really saying is, I don't want to die in a camp

and it's easy to say "you won't" but how do you know? our democratic institutions aren't invulnerable, and what happens if they fall?

I feel like I need to drill this in, because even part of me, as I said, wants to ignore it, say that it's nothing

but we have the most popular Republican calling for the termination of the constitution, and I don't see many Republicans criticizing him for that

the Supreme Court will be hearing Moore V. Harper, Independent State Legislator theory

which, worst case scenario could genuinely be the end of our democracy

genuinely, I ask

what then?

this party has grown more and more radical

what happens if they end up having no checks on their power?

sure the easy answer is "revolution!"

and okay, I guess a decades long bloody civil war would be better than a fascist dictatorship

because that's what would happen, it wouldn't be a swift revolution that makes everything okay

it would be bloody and slow and terrible

it feels like we're standing at a crossroads, and every path is terrible and pathed with blood

I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to let that all out there

through all these years of politics I've never really vented so I wanted to finally do that

sorry if this was a long meandering post, I was mostly just writing stream of consciousness

I suppose I'll end this by saying it's not inevitable

nothing is inevitable, don't let this long doomer post discourage you, don't resign yourself to this fate

#politics #queer #lgbt #catastrophizing #anxiety #antifascism #cabaret

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howldean · 2 years

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I get that you’re a kid but you need to stop casually weaponizing the mass murder of my grandparents entire family, including their baby siblings. Using casual Shoah and Nazi references to try and score rhetorical points on the internet is what’s known as soft Holocaust denial. You take our horrific trauma and you belittle it, you demean it, you belittle and demean and deny your own soul in despicably waving around the horrors we experienced in order to what? Make yourself feel important online? Cut it out, now. Find better ways of arguing that don’t involve making yourself complicit in evil. Which is what minimizing Shoah trauma inherently is.

(heads up that there is a photo of a book burning further down on this post)

hey, thanks for this ask. above all else, i'm always interested in learning and doing better, and like you said i get that i am still a kid. i am not immune to speaking out of turn or being undereducated just because i'm heavily intersectionalized. so for context, the account covid2049 was spewing typical trans exclusionary rhetoric, bullshit, and excused on a post of mine about trans happiness. if you pull up this account and scroll through even a few posts you can see that they are EXTREMELY transphobic and xenophobic, seemingly identifying as a radical feminist and exhibiting a lot of the behaviors and beliefs of a neo-nazi. i responded to their comment about 'trans theory' being bullshit by saying that we have a nazi on our hands, and then expanding on that by referencing book burnings, and transgender science. documentation of the trans experience has existed for centuries, they were just obtuse and ignorant.

you can read about trans experience in nazi germany here (the museum of jewish heritage) and magnus hirschfeld's institute for sexual research in berlin - the first trans clinic on record which provided hrt, surgeries for trans women, queer sex education, housed a massive queer/trans library, and more - which was stormed by nazis, and over 20,000 of their books were burned here (scientific american)

looking at my replies, i likely could have worded things better, but i'll admit that i can't really understand how drawing the textual experiences of queer and trans people in nazi germany is trying to "make [myself] feel important online" AGAIN i cannot stress enough that i'm entirely open to hearing feedback and additional input, and i also respect if you don't feel inclined to educate me, it's not your responsibility to.

but i'm failing to see what's wrong with calling nazism what it is

#tw holocaust #tw nazis #tw transphobia #tw fascism #if you need tags added LET ME KNOW thanks #bee says things

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thatnerdyqueer · 7 months

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lmao ok so I just finished watching V for Vendetta

and I have a lot of ThoughtsTM

before you read HUGE TW OK. homophobia, transphobia, racism, antisemitism

Ok so I should preface this by saying the movie itself isn't homophobic, transphobic, particularly racist (as far as I know, I'm white so I've probably missed stuff and I apologise if I have), antisemetic (but again, maybe I missed stuff) or any of that.

in fact in my opinion it was an amazing, and extrememly terrifying movie.

But, it did feel like watching a highlight reel of all the worst parts of the political climate of 1930s germany and of course of the past few years.

now onto the funny bit:

I was watching the credits and I saw that it was a Wachowski sisters movie and omfg god it immediately made SO MUCH SENSE lol

when I say that V for Vendetta was SO TRANS I mean it. Like, in ways that I can't really articulate now bc I'm too tired but I might explain later, it was so trans. So. Trans.

It was soooo white lmaooooooooo. Like it kept talking about evil conservative politics and how gay people and shit are used as scapegoats, and while that was super powerful I was kinda confused as to why they like, totally glossed over intersectionality and other methods of oppression. It was weird to watch such a "progressive" film that didn't touch on race, like, at all. The closest they came was a guy getting arrested for owning a Koran. And the guy was white. (played by Stephen Fry My Beloved, no hate to him, he was fantastic as always and also I'm super scared about that fall he had I hope hes ok :( anyways). And then the second I saw that the Wachowski sisters made it I was like ooooooooooooooohhhhh thats why it just blatantly ignored racsim and had 0 (zero) characters from ANY ETHNIC BACKGROUND OTHER THAN FUCKING ENGLAND :/ Which, yknow, aside from being hurtful to the vast majority of the population of earth, just makes for a less interesting, less vibrant, less powerful story. It's about freedom, willingness to die for a cause, and rebellion for fucks sake. It shouldn't just be white.

Ok other ThoughsTM

It was weird, but also kinda touching to have V be the "guy" that fought for it all.

I don't really have the words for it at the moment, but in as simple terms as I can.

I was surprised at the unrealistic, but also extrememly important suggestion that a striaght, white, cis guy (assuming V was all of those things, even though he was hella fruity and queer coded) could ever allow himself to become the revolution, to become something bigger than himself, and more importantly, to be selfless enough to devote himself to the liberation of completely separate groups of people.

And, look, I'm not saying that they can't do that (Neil Gaiman as a shoutout, you stand up unabashedly for queer people, trans people, refugees, women, sex workers, disabled people, people of colour, etc etc and maybe thats because you're jewish so you know what fucking happens when you ignore discrimination for a little bit and allow it to fester because it aint you thats getting attacked so why should you care and anyway thats not a rant that I want to have), but I was just surprised, and kinda dissapointed that they did

Because its unrealistic. When as a white person ever been the champion of a a movement against racism? When has a man ever been a figurehead for feminism? Etc etc.

which brings me to my next point.

V's arc still disappointingly revolved around falling in love with a woman. Which really just felt like a way to distract straight viewers from his actual character arc so it was less confronting for them and they will never actually understand him or connect with him properly. I watched it with my parents (both straight), and there were moments when I felt completely sure that they were not grasping the point of a scene, or a line, or whatever. And they felt all righteous and content because they watched a movie about gay people fighting back or whatever, but the main character was still A FCUKING STRIAHGT MAN WTF.

And let me be clear. I DONT HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS TO HIM FALLING IN LOVE. I DONT AHVE ANY OBJECTIONS TO HIS LOVE INTEREST BEING A WOMAN. I'm just annoyed that the messaging was subtle enough that straight people and allo people distracted by a heterosexual romance would miss it. Yes, his love for Evey was tragic. Yes, it was beautiful. But no scene with them was ever actually about their love. It was about something bigger. Which I don't think my parents quite grasped.

Anyway. Conclusions.

Was it a good movie? Absolutely yes!

Will I be watching it again? Absolutely yes!

Was it a terrifying documentary about the world as we know it? Yes!

But could it have been more effective by diversifying slightly more? Yes.

(btw I am fully aware that this movie was made in 2005 and we need context and shit)

So yeah. Those are my thoughts. If you made it this far, wow. You're either a bit V for Vendetta fan, very passionate about activism, or not really concentrating properly.

So uh yeah.

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a-weird-cryptid · 1 year

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Ok... How do I say this without pissing off literally every aroace person who has read this book? I don't think I can...

Well, guess I'll just say it how it is, then:

I did not like...

This time, the review is rather a rant about why I didn't like "Loveless". Meaning that it's just criticism. I also decided to split this rant into a spoiler and non spoiler section which can be found at the beginning and end respectively.

I'll assume you've read the book for the spoiler section, or at least know what the story's about, since explaining the entire plot would make this already way to long post even longer. For the non-spoiler section there's no need to have read the book.

Disclaimer:

I don't dislike this book purely because of the fact that the characters are queer. In fact, I'm aroace as well and I got extremely excited to read a book from the perspective of an aroace teen. Yet, I was left dissapointed.

I could only find the German version at the time, since I live in Germany. But based of experience, translated books aren't necessarily worse than the English original. I'm mentioning that, because some of my issues could stem from the fact that I didn't read it in English.

I also want to mention that it's been a while since I read a part of "Loveless". Meaning that I might not remember every detail of it. This review is basically just a "pissed off rant" about the parts I do remember and really want to talk about. Therefore I didn't bother to look up specific pages, paragraphs, characters etc.

So far I've only seen aroace people praise this book on the internet. Saying it's incredible, wonderful, etc. And any other aroace person I know who read the book liked it as well. But I didn't.

In fact, I got so annoyed by the story that I stopped reading the book about half way through. I have absolutely nothing against aroace characters and I'd love to see more representation of it in fiction. But the main character (I think her name was Georgia) annoyed me to no end.

SPOILER WARNING!

(My final thoughts can be read spoiler free at the end)

I really don't understand why she never figured out about asexuality and aromanticism before the story begins, as well as for the entire part that I've read about. It's in my opinion extremely unrealistic.

If she didn't have access to the internet or lived in a society where queerness is actively surpressed/noone talks about it being a thing, or similar, then I could totally understand it.

But she has access to the internet. As well as a friend who's a lesbian and told her all about it. All about being queer. Meaning that Georgia had more than enough opportunities and reasons to wonder if she might be queer as well. Heck, she even questions if she might be queer multiple times. Just never coming to any kind of conclusion for whatever reason.

Finding out about asexuality and aromanticism is literally just one search away. You don't even have to know about the labels. Just search for sth like "why don't I feel romantic/sexual attraction". Or heck, just ask your lesbian friend who most likely did a bit of research about queerness in general as well. It's not that hard!

I also hate how Georgia's friends seem to always force her into situations she clearly doesn't feel comfortable with. Those aren't real friends, Georgia. If they were, they'd accept you the way you are and wouldn't force you to kiss people, even though your body language makes it clear that you don't want to.

The fact that, when Georgia joins the queer club thingy at the university, she doesn't ask anybody about her experience, is pretty unrealistic as well. At least under her circumstances.

I also remember there was a guy who's flag pins Georgia couldn't categorize. She's clearly curious about them. But even when the guy and her get closer, she still doesn't ask about what those flags mean. Again, in my opinion rather unrealistic.

I also think it's extremely annoying that every time there's an even slightly sexual or romantic scene, Georgia sees it as necessary to state how disgusted she is by it in great detail. I get it. You don't like to see, hear or experience those things. But I could already got that in the first few chapters and there's no need to constantly "remind" me of that. One great explanation of your sexual and romantic repulse was more than enough.

I would have loved to see where Georgia's character goes from that, but the only characteristic she seems to have is being sex and romance repulsed (unless it's fictional).

SPOILER SECTION'S OVER

None of the characters, neither main cast nor any side characters, seem deep, 3 dimensional and interesting to explore. None of them make me feel like I wanted to know more about them. Nothing they did or said made me actually care about them. They just seemed like annoying cardboard cutouts to me with only a few character traits. Most of which were focused on their sexuality alone.

I know that's suppose to be the focus of that book. But it makes me a bit pissed to know that I've read other books focusing a lot on romance aspects as well, but the characters were way more interesting and fleshed out. Meaning that it's possible to do so and "Loveless" just failed on that aspect.

And I'm even more dissapointed to know that I've read books who's main focus isn't on the romance aspects, but they managed it to depict (aro-) ace characters better than this book did.

It really felt like the author tried to actively write the main character in a way that makes her not realize she's aroace for as long as possible. Dragging it out for longer than necessary. I'd rather have the main character figure it out earlier and then struggling to accept that she's aroace. Cause it surely would have been less annoying and more relatable. Especially because I know many aroaces don't have issues finding out about their sexuality, but rather accepting and embracing it. Just like I did and still do. I know that the book focuses on that as well, but I think the execution was rather bad nonetheless.

Keep in mind that this is just my subjective opinion and I of course don't represent the entire aroace community. If you're aroace and you haven't read the book yet, I'd highly recommend to do so in order to judge for yourself. I, again, know that it is loved by many aroaces. I believe my opinion is not the rule, it's the exception, if you know what I mean.

I know this post will prob piss off many (aroace) people and I'm pretty sure many will argue about why my opinion is objectively wrong or sth. But I made this extremely critical review because I wanted to see if any other aroace person thinks the same about "Loveless". Or at least understands what my issues with it are.

If you enjoy or love "Loveless", I'm glad you do. If you see yourself represented by Georgia or any other character of this book, I'm really happy for you. But personally, there were just too many things that bothered me and I couldn't relate to Georgia at all, even though I'm sex repulsed as well. Perhaps "Loveless" gets better in the second half and end and/or some of my critique points get "explained", but I doubt I'll ever get there.

I'm giving this book a 1/5 stars. 0 being the worst and 5 the best.

Simply because I know many (aroace) people love "Loveless" and many feel extremely represented and seen by it.

This is my second book review based of the poll I made once.

For more reviews, discussions, original stories/series and more, check out my master list of series.

#loveless #alice oseman #book rant #rant post #book review

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gggoldfinch · 1 year

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Rammstein rant post ready GO!

I know like nothing about them but I love hearing about people’s interests info dump to your heart’s content my friend! Teach me all about these concerningly sweaty dirty (?) men and their pyrotechnic shenanigans I am sitting here with my favorite pen and notepad ready to take notes. <3

anon. I love you so much. thank you for enabling my insanity. this is gonna be a long, unhinged post

Okay, here we go. My darling anon, I had to HUNT in my blog archive to find this post, but here is my basic rundown of Rammstein itself as a band (<-linked). So come back here after reading that post if you really don't know anything about the band bc this def won't make any sense. In THIS post I'd love to discuss WHY I'm so obsessed R+ and all the things that I personally love about them. I will format it in bullet points to spare myself and everyone's sanity:

I feel like the most obvious point should be the first; I love their music! I grew up on industrial and synth, so introducing metal to that mix is like a heavenly mashup. The heavy guitar, the synth keyboard, the gorgeous vocals and deep (often complicated) lyrics??? I would insert the music directly into my chest cavity if I could and that sounds really fucking weird but that's where I feel like it should live 🧍🏻‍♀️

I have daddy issues point blank, that much is obvious from my blog LMAOOO so ofc latching onto gruff middle aged men is a fundamental human need for me at this point

The style and uniqueness of the band is incredible. Who else do you know that lights everything on fire while looking like they just walked off a movie set? Their outfits are so fucking awesome. Like every time I see a new fit I eat that shit up and stare at pics for hours on end because they're so intricate and cool and kinda kinky?? I WISH I could be their fashion designer like jfc. Also their makeup/ face paint is always killer. I need to kiss their stylists fr !!! The 90's-y2k looks are some of my favs

the history of the band is also very interesting. a bunch of weird dudes from East Germany end up becoming pals and form a band and rise to stardom while soldiering through the trials and tribulations such fame throws their way? love an underdog story. I highly recommend watching the documentary Rammstein in Amerika, it gives a lot of insight into the band's origins and history up through 2015

Some of the shit they pull is so freaky and weird that its camp at this point. The dick mold dildos? camp. The fact that they need licenses to use all their pyrotechnics? camp. Being arrested for public indecency? camp.

I am incredibly, overwhelmingly, unhingedly down bad for Till, Richard, and Paul (and also Schneider to an extent but not as much). I would allow for unspeakable things to be done to me if given even the slightest opportunity if you know what I'm saying

PAUL'S HAIR !!!! He is so silly goofy but I fucking LOVE Paul's stupid little haircuts. like yass go off with your little monk bowl cuts I'm eating it up I'm putting you in my pocket

(the photo of his red hair isn't even showing the back where he LITERALLY shaved it like the fuckin monk tonsure)

everyone is so fucking queer. like. deadass. Paul and Richard regularly kissing on stage is so precious ???? they're just two besties being besties kissing n shit. The band also supports the lgbtq+ community and are outspokenly against bigotry which is always a win. A lot of people have accused them of being bigots themselves and they're like ummm haha no get fucked (cue "Links 2 3 4")

Richard is a perfect little baby angel and I would die for him. I love his spiky hair. I love his nail polish; I paint my nails like him. He is so cute. I love the way he speaks, in German and in English. I also LOVE his band Emigrate, esp the most recent album. He's so awesome 😭 that being said I wish he wouldn't smoke like a chimney because I dread hearing the news one day that he has cancer but ofc I can't do anything about that in the slightest

I mean. do I need to make a bullet point dedicated to Till being built like a fucking brick house?? because I think I do. He is soooo,,, AUAUGHHHHH !!!! Like, the guy is 60 and still looks that incredibly built ?!!!!! homeboy was an olympic swimmer he can swim in my p *gets shot*

Till has a precious smile 🥺 I love his fucked up teeth. he's such a sweetie fr, a big scary looking teddy bear. I need him fr

Flake in his entirety is just so silly goofy. Like homeboy looks like just Some Dude.. he's so normal (he also looks like my step grandfather only tall and skinny, which is very strange...). But then he pulls shit like whacking Till with a keyboard or getting fake fucked on stage. Homeboy also apparently just up and ditched everyone in America and went home after 9/11 because he was so freaked, which in itself isn't funny but imagining him just fucking leaving is a little bit...

Darling little (not so little...) Doom Schneider has an incredibly gorgeous side profile. And I love the pornstache he occasionally sports. He's also another one who is just like. A Normal Guy in my head. He is also very very pretty and very well spoken. I loved listening to him talk during the Rammstein in Amerika documentary

I also think Ollie is also just a Dude,, tho admittedly I don't really even think about him much because he is so normal and not unhinged that he kinda just blends into the background most times. He is 6'7 tho so that is fucking insane

Anyway yep that's all for now I'll stop torturing everyone with my depraved insanity 👍🏻 THANK YOU AGAIN ANON for indulging me for a moment

#is it bad that this took hours to write and it isn't even everything #I wrote so much oh my god #thank you anon ilysm #anon ask

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sunnymooo · 2 years

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today, i laughed so much. i smiled from ear to ear every moment i could check my phone, and i got lost in my happy little thoughts in the moments i couldn't. joining stan twitter was one of the best decisions i've ever made. it's been a long time since i felt this giddy. i love mamamoo so much, and gosh do i love our absolutely gay as fuck fandom.

context for all the giggles - basically mamamoo who hasn't been altogether in ages (to the point where weirdos on the internet are always spreading rumors they disbanded) finally joined each other as four again this past weekend for a kpop festival that took place in germany and this experience single-handedly revived the fandom on all of social media. not only did old moos come out of the woodworks to hang out again, but new moos rode the wave of excitement and joined the fandom to be welcomed with open arms. on twitter, we had a seriously huge following spree trend take place, where everyone was introducing themselves as new or old moos asking for more ot4 mutuals. i waited until after the concerts ended and the girls landed back in korea to post mine. but i didn't expect to get... that much interaction on the tweet???? woof! i mean every minute of today i either gained a follower or received 5 notifications of new mutuals liking and commenting on my content. honestly, it's so wonderful! i made so many friends today! omg! and i still am!

so all day i've just gotten to be silly with my mutuals - new and old. i know they're just internet friends and i go through a lot of internet friends phases and usually end up losing them to time, but still, i'm really attached to everyone and really happy to get to share the love i feel for these girls with others who are so similar to me. in this fandom, there's a lot of simping, a lot of memeing, a lot of joking, a lot of flirting - we're honestly just a bunch of lesbians and queer people having a good time and sincerely loving mamamoo with all our hearts.

before coming back to work i knew i needed to get involved with something outside of the resort so that i could understand myself and see a future outside of the place that runs so much of my life. it isn't exactly what i had in mind, but it actually works pretty well. the cast of characters i interact with on a daily basis over stan twitter is so far removed from tdlr; with them i can truly feel like my own silly self, and my interactions with them serve as a direct reminder that i exist outside of the place in which i work. even though some of us have barely met, i already am so comfortable and giggly with them on my silly little account. it's just so nice to be me in more places than just............ disney. lol.

anyway, i just wanted to say that it feels really healing. to pick up my phone and have something to laugh about - something that has me grinning from ear to ear - that's incredibly precious! especially when i've been so stressed out seeing people i super don't want to see lately. i instantly feel grounded when i remember how large and wonderful the earth is. i mean seriously. i have friends now all around the world now, isn't that crazy? i may have lost shitty people i thought were friends but i'm really good at making friends so i really haven't lost much in the long run, only gained a higher confidence in my ability to have fun with others.

i'm so happy to have something to think about that has nothing, nothing at all, to do with you.

#i don't even think of you that much anymore #personal

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scentedluminarysoul · 5 months

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Idk man, maybe I just got lucky, but like

Transphobia and homophobia never made sense to me, on a basic level

Did and do I have internalised shit that was "normal" to say about these folk? Of course. But I never understood how they were "evil" or shit

Ofc, I'm queer myself, and so my interests were probably always different from my peers

But I grew up watching Sailor Moon, which has so much queer shit (Zoisite and Kunzite, Haruka and Michiru, my beloved GNC monarch Fisheye) and it never fazed me. On the contrary, the dub trying to hide that always infuriated me

But also

When I was a wee teen, there was a magazine on TV about the sex and porn industry, often specifically gay and lesbian, hosted by a Drag Queen, that I'd watch in secret

And luckily enough, while homophobic jokes were common, so were gays/lesbians on TV. The current backlash against Drag Queens is really new, even in a stupidly conservative country like Germany

When I was a kid, we had gays and Drag Queens on TV and that was normal

And honestly

I feel sad for bigots, especially transphobes

They're just so angry, because they have to be. They have conditioned themselves to hate people who just exist

They can't enjoy things

They can't enjoy Doctor WHO. Or Good Omens. And that's just so sad

I can't have fun watching, and happily embrace Rose Noble, and have fun

They have to be miserable and angry about her

What an awful life

And they have no one to blame but themselves

#if i didn't want to punch bigots so much #I'd almost want to hug them #but honestly #they do it to themselves #they don't deserve kindness #they are bigots and help fascists #they try to take away my right to live #they don't deserve good things #so good that they can't enjoy dw #it's a good feeling that david tennant hates them #terfs dni

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inessencedevided · 3 years

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I FEEL THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY VEINS

Ily eva lemme hug you!!! 🥰 It's great to know I'm not alone in this ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤

I used to be so anxious about not knowing my labels. It kind of made me feel like i was somehow faking not being straight especially as a teenager 😬 these days I'm much more relaxed and it feels great

Like, I'm definitely wlw but also *whispers* am i 100% the "w" in that equation? Not sure Definitely on the ace spectrum too but where? No idea. Also sometimes i have male fictional crushes is there even a name for that? Ah ykw? Fuck it I'm queer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That's why the queer label is so great. Humans are much too complex to fit into need little boxes or even if they do somehow fit, we change!

I just want to live my life yk? And I don't want to spent it trying to squeeze myself into boxes

#this is very personal #if you feel you fit exactly into one label or the other #this is NOT an attack on you!!#i also have some labels #(see quote: I'm sonewhere on the ace spectrum)#but at a certain point #After years of questioning myself #queer as a label is so incredibly liberating #this answer turned into more of a rant than i intended eva #sorry 😅#i just wanted to tell you I'm hugging you and that's it but then it escalated #but on that topic: so you also feel like this is slmehow easier in english than in german?#it seems like most of the words we have to describe ourselves are english #i always say I'm queer even in germany #and that's fine with most people 30 and younger but i had to explain it to my mum and her husband first #anyway ly and i hope your weekend was nice 😅🥰#personal #sophie rambles #ask #xiaodaozhang #nice people #queer stuff

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

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Hey, I loved your post about queerness in historical fiction. I was wondering if you could help me find a better way to explain (or know of someone who could) to the white (usually male) fans of Tolkien who are currently losing their minds because in the series for Amazon they have cast Sir Lenny Henry (a black man) as a hobbit. It feels like the exact same argument that was dealt with when Anya Chalotra was cast as Yennefer for The Witcher. It just seems like only white people are screaming that the entire cast must be white in both the case of the Witcher and Middle Earth in order to be "historically accurate to the Dark Ages" when it's all fantasy. I'm a white person and I don't get it. It's really frustrating that the only way to convince them that people of color should be allowed to play characters who aren't evil-doers is to bring up the existence of the potato in both Middle Earth and The Witcher. In this most recent fight, I've been called all kinds of names (one dude keeps saying I'm racist when I haven't brought up race or anything like that) and it's ridiculous because Henry was cast as a Harfoot who were hobbits with dark skin that they claim means Mediterranean not Black.

Ooof. I admire your initiative, I really do, but also: there comes a point where all good-faith efforts are totally futile, because these people don't actually WANT their beliefs challenged, and there won't be anything you can do about it except to exhaust yourself. You can throw all the material or documentary evidence at them that you want, but it won't work, because racism, white superiority, and the assumption of a monolithically white medieval history are a helluva drug. They are eager to split ridiculous hairs like "dark skin means Mediterranean instead of black" because, well, racism, whether or not they want to acknowledge that. Because Mediterranean is at least European, whereas for them, Black is Bad, Inferior, or otherwise Unacceptable. This doesn't even get into the types who want to claim that Ancient Rome (which was rather notably, y'know, Mediterranean and North African) was actually lily-white, because even dark-skinned Southern and Eastern Europeans can't ultimately make the racist cut.

Tolkien himself obviously had problems with his depiction of race and racialized people (witness the Haradrim, "men from the South," being the only people of colour in the story and generalized as an indiscriminate evil force fighting for Sauron against the white/Northern European heroes). That's not to say Tolkien was actively racist (see: the letter he wrote to the Nazi German would-be publishers of The Hobbit, inviting them cordially to get fucked), but it does mean that he was steeped in the usual assumptions and expectations of a white upper-class British man in the 1920s and 1930s, and not least the mindset that the (white) rulers of the (nonwhite) British Empire were superior, morally correct, and the privileged resisters of "evil" political systems. (This isn't even getting into how Germany was admired throughout the long 19th century for its perceived cultural and social superiority, the American eugenics movement directly influenced the Nazis, a lot of people thought that Hitler's only mistake was being too obviously crazy, and America and Britain only actively entered World War II when their territory/perceived global power was infringed upon.)

White people tend to assume that if they personally don't hold discriminatory attitudes (and they usually do, just because that's what society has taught them for almost all of modern history), they can't be racist, and it's a personal insult to call them that. They know that Racism Is Bad, but likewise, it's always someone else's fault, not theirs. See the huge brouhaha over the supposed plan to teach "critical race theory" in American public schools, which is really just acknowledging that centuries of racism and discrimination have created a system that disadvantages people of color at every level. This is absolute heresy for today's right wing (which has become ever more extreme, reactionary, and historically amnesiac) to admit. They can admit historical racism, sometimes, maybe, only in demonstrably "bad" people, but as far as they're concerned, there was no lingering effect whatsoever, and it's "un-American" (read: anti-white supremacist) to insist otherwise. Land of the free! Everyone treated the same! Etc. etc. The continued inferior or disadvantaged life outcomes of people of color is, according to these types, simply a result of them not being motivated/ambitious/smart enough to fix their own broken circumstances. Those centuries of genocide, cultural destruction, use as literal chattel slaves, etc, has nothing to do with it.

If this sounds ridiculous: well, obviously, it is. But as reactionary mindsets have become troublingly normalized and social media has allowed people to spread both passively and actively racist content to unprecedented degrees, it has also leaked into media. The type of white-man-fan you're arguing with won't accept any "historically accurate" argument for the inclusion of non-white people, even as they're staking their own (bad) arguments on that hill. This is because they want to claim the sole privilege to create a nostalgic/imagined/fantasy space that looks just like them. Their underlying belief is that people of color never had any power or consequential role in history, and shouldn't have, so they don't want to see a space, even an explicitly fantastic/non-historical setting (like LOTR, The Witcher, GOT, etc.), where this is the case. Whether or not they want to say it, or even if they're aware of it, they feel that even if they've been unhappily forced to accept a small lessening of their cultural power just because we no longer automatically accept that white men get to run everything, they at least can take comfort in a (white) past. And now, or so they think, the "politically correct" types also want to ruin their racist fantasy comfort zone. They can't even escape from multiculturalism in media, as it too has become steadily more diverse.

Basically: it's racism, Jan. It's many levels of racism, you can't argue those people out of it, and you have to identify and understand that, especially since their favorite diversionary tactic will be the schoolyard maneuver of going, "no, YOU'RE the racist!!!"

(Also: "historically accurate to the Dark Ages" should tell you everything you need to know. These people know absolutely nothing about history, but that won't prevent them from weaponising it in defense of the perceived threat to their cultural and racial domination. Besides, yet again, fantasy universes have no claim to historical accuracy, and if you say that, I assume you just want to feel justified in creating a fictional universe where the only powerful/consequential people are white heterosexual western European-coded men, because you not-so-secretly wish it was still that way in reality.)

#history #history of racism #medieval history #anonymous #ask

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gra-sonas · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes Characters: Alex Manes, Michael Guerin, Isobel Evans Additional Tags: Minor Isabel Evans/Gregory Manes, Canon Disabled Character, Soulmates, Handprint Summary:

"Listen, darlin’. I don’t think because I say darlin’ that’s gonna bring you your soulmate. But, maybe I’m wrong, maybe I don’t fully understand and they’re gonna find you, darlin’." - recorded by Cowboy for Airmanes

Michael used to work for an anonymous, queer-friendly sex hotline (going by the nickname Cowboy) while he was in college, and Alex commissioned him to record a message for him while he was deployed. One day, their paths cross.

Alriiiiight, happy Malex Monday! I meant to write a short ficlet, inspired by Vlamis recording a message for a fan, saying darlin’ three times. For reasons unknown, this turned into a 5.5K fic I wrote this afternoon/evening.

This is a soulmate AU, and there’s some handprint stuff going on. And while this is mostly fluff, the fic is rated Mature (I know, *gasp*). Uhm, enjoy?

~*~

When Alex listens to the message Cowboy has recorded for him, he has a hard time (pun intended) keeping quiet and not scream into his pillow. It's a close call. Even though the need to get off is overwhelming, he's careful to move his body into a more comfortable position without jostling the bunk bed too much. He hears Ogden in the bottom bed grumble in his sleep once, but he doesn't wake up. Small mercies.

Alex feels like an hour passes before he can finally wrap his hand around his hard cock and take care of his needs with the tiniest movements. He keeps listening to Cowboys recording over and over again, and he manages to time his orgasm with the final darlin' of the message.

Wow, Alex doesn't want to exaggerate, but he thinks he's never come harder in his life. Cowboy's voice's just doing it for Alex, always, has. But the darlin'? Surefire way to get him off in no time. It's the first night in a long time that Alex sleeps so deep, that not a single nightmare haunts his dreams.

The recording continues to bring Alex comfort and orgasms in the middle of an ongoing war, and he can't help but dream up scenarios where he meets Cowboy one day, and they realize that they are indeed soulmates. A soldier can dream, right?

Months go by and after one fateful and utterly horrible day, the war is over for Alex. He returns home to Roswell via a short stint in Landshut, Germany. Half of his right leg is missing, but they give him a purple heart as a consolation price and a thank you for his service. Not that anyone actually thanks him.

It takes Alex another couple of months until he can walk again without the help of a crutch. He celebrates this newfound mobility freedom at a local bar, the Wild Pony. He's sitting at one of the tables, nursing a beer, when two people occupy the table next to his. A tall blonde woman, and a handsome man with curly hair that spills out under the brim of a black cowboy hat. A cowboy hat. Alex tries not to be too obvious, but he keeps looking at the man every now and then.

He can't hear what they're talking about, their voices a soft murmur, but then someone feeds the jukebox with a dollar, and suddenly the couple has to raise their voices.

"Come on, Michael. Don't be such a sourpuss. I want to celebrate that you're back home. It's been a dull year without you. I've talked to Max, he's promised to be on his best behavior," the woman says.

Michael. "Nice name," Alex thinks. He's just reaching for his bottle to take another sip when Michael answers.

"Ugh, Iz, do I have to come? I'd love to spend an evening with just you, but you know Max, he won't stop nagging me."

Alex freezes. He knows that voice. Intimately (well, in a way). But the man can't be Cowboy, can he? In Roswell of all places? Alex tries to be subtle by moving his chair a fraction of an inch to get a better view at the neighboring table.

He keeps staring and almost jumps up when the woman (Iz)'s phone starts buzzing. She checks the display. "That's Greg, I have to take this call outside. Please don't leave, I'll be back in a minute."

Michael demonstratively takes his hat off and puts it on the chair next to him. He smiles at her. "No worries, I'll still be here. Say hi to your beau and tell him I hope to meet him soon." She grins. "Not sure I should introduce him to you. He's your type, brother dearest."

Alex can't see Michael's face properly, but his voice sounds annoyed. His voice, that Alex is fairly certain, is that of Cowboy, the man of his (sex) dreams. "As if I'd ever make a move at someone who's involved with someone else, let alone someone who's dating my sister, who also happens to be my best friend."

Iz laughs. "Good boy. Now give me a minute, I have to talk to my boyfriend." She leaves.

Alex's hands are sweaty because now would be a good moment to approach the man, but what would he even say. "Hi, you're that guy from the queer-friendly sex hotline, and months ago you recorded a message for me I like to get off to. Nice to finally meet you in person."

Not awkward at all. But he also needs to know what the man looks like. So far, he's only seen part of his face (there seems to be stubble, which Alex approves of) and lots and lots of unruly honey-golden curls. In an unplanned move, he accidentally knocks his beer bottle over and the remaining beer spills all over his table.

"Damn," he mumbles under his breath, patting down the pockets of his jacket in search of tissues to mop up the mess.

Suddenly, there's movement at the table next to him and Michael turns around, a squarely folded piece of cloth (a bandana?) in his hand. "Here, take this."

Alex feels dizzy looking at the man. Not in his wildest dreams did he imagine that Cowboy would look like that, but now? Even if this man turns out to be not Cowboy, Alex will forever have this visual when he plays the darlin' message.

Not the moment to think about that, though. He collects himself enough to say something. "Uhm, are you sure? That looks very nice and clean, I'm sure they have paper towels at the bar."

Michael's smile is almost blinding. "Don't worry about it, it's one of my oldest bandanas, it deserves to die in the most heroic way – drowning in alcohol."

Alex snorts. "Okay, thank you." He reaches for the bandana, and for a second, their fingertips touch. Alex's vision goes blurry and he tries his best to inhale, but there doesn't seem to be enough air to fill his lungs. He gasps.

When he feels a strong, warm hand clapping down on his shoulder, he can suddenly see clear again, his lungs expand without pain, and warmth is flooding his body.

He goes almost pliant under Michael's touch (because of course it's his hand).

"Wow," Michael says, and if that isn't the perfect word to describe the situation.

Alex tries to remember how words are formed. "Do you feel it, too?" Michael just nods. "In Roswell of all places," Alex says dryly.

Michael snorts. "You wouldn't believe how apt that actually is. All things considered."

"I don't know what that means, but I'm sure I'll find out eventually. I mean, I don't want to assume, but I will find out eventually, right?"

"Yes, beautiful stranger, you will. I never expected this to happen to me, but now that it did happen, I want to know everything about you. What's your name, handsome?"

Alex can't believe that this beautiful man is his soulmate, let alone that he found him in this godforsaken town he'd never expected to return to before he lost his leg.

"Well, handsome does have a name. It's Alex. And you are—."

Alex takes a calculated breath before he says "Cowboy," at the same time Michael says "Michael."

They stare at each other. Michael's eyes are wide. "How do you—?"

Alex blushes, and he considers not answering the question for a second, but this is his soulmate asking. "I'm—I'm not just Alex, I'm also darlin'."

Michael's eyes grow impossibly wider, then he bursts out laughing. "Oh my god, that was you? I couldn't stop listening to your message either. It's been very – how can I put this – inspiring?"

"Well, in true Pavlovian fashion, I can promise you that calling me darlin' will get me hard and off in no time," Alex says, keeping his voice low. He should be beet-read, but he's beyond feeling ashamed. In fact, he feels emboldened, and if the glint in Michael's eyes is anything to go by, he's certain there's one hell of an orgasm in his near future.

Before he can put more thought into that possible scenario, Iz returns to the table. She looks at both men and raises an eyebrow.

"Michael, why are you holding hands with this man?"

Michael looks down at their clasped hands, apparently, he doesn't know either when they started holding hands. For a moment, Alex considers letting go of Michael to greet Michael's sister properly, but he can't bear the thought of losing the physical contact right now.

Michael kisses the back of Alex's hand, then he looks up at Iz. "Isobel, this is my soulmate. His name's Alex."

"He's your—Michael! I leave the table for five minutes, and I come back to you having found your soulmate? I didn't even know that we could until recently." She seems exasperated, but then her smile goes soft.

She sits down across from them and looks at Alex. "I'm sorry, Alex, I didn't mean to be rude. This is just a lot to take in. Uhm, I've met with Michael tonight to convince him to come and visit me, and spend time with our brother Max tomorrow. And I haven't been quite honest with Michael."

She squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath. "Michael, Max and I were going to tell you, that we met our soulmates this week. Max bumped into Liz who's in town to visit her dad, and I happened to meet Greg at an event I organized for his school."

Alex perks up. "Greg isn't Gregory Manes, though, right? Teacher at the elementary school up at the reservation?"

Isobel blinks. "How do you even know about him? Oh my god, you're his brother! You're Alex Manes!" Alex nods. Isobel looks at him more closely. "Now that I know, it's obvious, you look so much alike. This is wild. I think I need a drink. You in? Shots are on me."

Alex and Michael look at each other and nod. There are only so many earth- and life-shattering revelations one can handle without being at least a little bit drunk.

Isobel stands up and walks over to the bar to order. The bartender reaches for one of the top-shelf bottles. Well, they have something huge to celebrate, this definitely calls for the good tequila.

Michael nudges him. "So, I know this has already been a lot, but there's something else you need to know about me, but I'd rather tell you about it when it's just the two of us. It's nothing bad, don't worry, I'd just prefer to tell – and show – you in private."

Alex smiles. "Whatever it is, I can handle it. Just real quick before your sister comes back. Does she know about the hotline job?"

Michael shakes his head. "No, she doesn't, actually. I got my engineering degree at UNM, and I picked up the job to make a little extra money for all the things my scholarship didn't pay for, and those requested messages were paid really well. It's been a great job, I was actually quite good at it, too, but now that I have my degree, it's a thing of the past. I don't really mind anyone knowing, but I'd rather this stays our naughty little secret."

"Oh, believe me, I'm not overly eager to tell anyone that your voice has provided me with some of the best orgasms. No need to look so smug, Michael," Alex grouses, but he smiles.

Michael turns his head, his face is very close all of a sudden, and his lips look plush and moist and oh-so-kissable. They look at each other.

"Alex," Michael whispers.

Alex closes the distance between them and then they kiss. Stars align, the universe expands, and Alex knows he's finally home. Not in Roswell, they could be anywhere right now, on this planet, or in another galaxy. No, home is in Michael's arms, in the sweetness of his breath, the sound of his low moans, and the soft touch of his fingers caressing the hair at the nape of Alex's neck.

"Ah, first soulmate kiss. I remember. So intense," Isobel says, and places three shot glasses and a bottle of tequila on the table.

They don't want to stop kissing, but they do. It's the polite thing to do. But it's hard. Alex would rather be alone with Michael. As if he's been reading his mind, Michael leans closer and whispers "One shot, then we leave. She'll understand. But I need to be alone with you."

Alex closes his eyes and inhales deeply in an attempt to calm his nerves. Michael's scent is intoxicating, he smells like leather and rain. Alex wants to drown in the smell. When a cold shot glass is shoved into his hand, he blinks his eyes open again.

"Earth to Alex, are you back with us?" Isobel smirks, but her eyes are kind and understanding.

"Yeah, sorry, it's just a lot to take in, and Michael smells so good. I'm sorry, but can we get this over with? I really need to be alone with him."

Isobel nods. "You know what, why don't you take the bottle home with you, and some time this week, we all meet and celebrate."

Michael nods and picks his hat up from the chair. "Excellent idea. I knew you'd understand." He kisses Isobel on the cheek. "You told Greg though, right?"

Isobel nods. "Yes, he knows. Liz, too. And—," she whispers something into Michael's ear.

Alex thinks he hears Isobel mention a "handprint" (whatever that means) but he assumes they're referring to the thing Michael will tell him when they are alone, so he doesn't ask what they're talking about. It's comforting to know that his favorite brother knows, though. It'll be good to have someone to talk to he trusts implicitly.

They hug Isobel (who also smells like rain, Alex notices), then they head out to the parking lot. Since Michael's currently living at a motel, the decision's easy where to go. They leave Michael's old truck ("don't ask, we've been through a lot together, and I'd never give up on her") at the Pony, and take Alex's SUV instead.

He doesn't live too far from the bar, and they enter his house not ten minutes later.

There's just enough time for Alex to put down the tequila bottle on the dining table before Michael pulls him into his arms. They're still wearing their jackets, and Michael his hat. Before Michael gets close enough to kiss him, Alex nods in the direction of his bedroom.

"There's a very comfortable and very big bed behind that door. We both know where we're headed anyway, and I'd like to take the prothesis off," he says, holding his breath after the revelation. He knows that his soulmate won't reject him because of it, but it's still a very personal thing to disclose.

Michael doesn't even blink, he just smiles and leads Alex to the bedroom. He makes Alex sit on the edge of the bed and kneels down in front of him. Alex's breath catches. Michael takes off his hat and jacket and drops them on the floor to his left, then he turns back to Alex and unlaces Alex's boots.

Alex opens the button and zipper of his jeans, and cants his hips to wriggle them down without having to stand up. He doesn't quite succeed. "Damn, I'm stuck, sorry. I have to stand up again."

Michael shakes his head. "No, you don't. Do you trust me?"

Alex stops and thinks about it for a moment. Does he trust Michael? The simple answer is, yes. He just knows that he can trust Michael. He nods. "I do."

Michael looks at him and holds his gaze, when Alex's butt slowly lifts off the mattress. He gasps, but he keeps looking at Michael. Michael smiles softly. Then he reaches for Alex's jeans and pulls them down, while Alex is floating a few inches above his bed.

Alex's thoughts are racing. He should be scared, his soldier instincts should kick in, and maybe he should fight, but he does none of that. Because he doesn't feel threatened. He feels safe. Michael won't hurt him, that he knows with absolute certainty.

As if by magic, he slowly descends, until he sits on the edge of the bed again. Michael kisses Alex's left knee, then he turns his attention to the prosthetic on his right leg. Alex is about to tell him what to do, when he feels the prosthetic coming off. He groans in relief. He'll have to pace himself and not go entire days without the crutch too often for a couple more weeks.

Michael removes the leg and pulls the liner down to reveal Alex's stump. Alex scrunches his face. Not in disgust of how the stump looks, but he knows how it probably smells. But Michael is unfazed, though. He leans forward and kisses the tender skin of Alex's stump. Alex is close to bursting into tears because of the tenderness of the gesture.

His voice sounds a little wet when he speaks. "I need to take some meds. Would you mind getting them for me from the bathroom cabinet? They are labeled 'evening'."

Michael nods and gets up from the floor. Before he leaves, he presses a soft kiss to Alex's lips. "Thanks for trusting me."

Alex wants to reach for him and tumble backwards with Michael in his arms, but he knows he'll regret not taking his medication, so he doesn't. Thankfully, Michael's back with the pill bottles in a heartbeat, and Alex uncaps the bottle of water on his nightstand and takes his pills.

Meanwhile, Michael toes off his boots, pulls his shirt over his head, takes off his socks, and drops his pants in a heap on the floor. When he looks around the room wearing nothing more than his briefs, Alex pats the free space next to him. "Come here, sit down. I'm ready to listen to whatever you're going to tell me in a minute, I just need you close for a moment."

Michael almost trips over his jeans in his haste to sit down next to Alex. Alex immediately realizes how anxious he is, and somehow that soothes his own nerves. He reaches for Michael's hand and laces their fingers together. Michael's hand trembles, and Alex squeezes it.

"You don't have to worry, Michael. I know you're going to tell me something extraordinary, but I can handle it. I won't reject you. Relax."

Michael snickers. "Well, you could say extraordinary, extraterrestrial would be more accurate, though."

Alex swallows hard, but deep down he knows that Michael's not joking. He squeezes Michael's hand again. "The 1947 crash was real?" Michael can't do much more than nod.

"So, you're a descendent of a group of people not from this earth who crashed here some 70 odd years ago?"

Michael looks at him. "I guess you could say that, although I have to add that I was actually on board of the spaceship."

Alex can't believe what he just heard. "Uhm, okay. You don't look like someone who's well over 70 years old, though. Does your species age at a slower rate? I this a Superman thing? Are you from Krypton? How old are you really?"

Michael laughs. "You're taking this surprisingly well. Uhm, so, depending on how you look at it, I'm either 30 years old, or I'm about 80. I don't think we're aging slower than humans, though. We were actually in stasis in our pods for half a century, and only hatched in 1997."

"You did what now?"

"Oh, sorry, uhm, our stasis pods look like glowing eggs, and we always joked that we hatched. I don't think that's how our people actually procreate, though," Michael explains.

Alex is trying his best to take it all in, but it's a lot. He takes a deep breath. "So, by 'us', you're referring to yourself, Isobel, and your other brother, Max, right? Don't you have parents? What happened to them?"

Michael's face falls, and Alex feels awful for being responsible for it. "We don't know, actually. We don't even know whether we're actual siblings. We were found together after we hatched, mute, wandering the desert. Max and Iz got lucky, they were adopted by a local family. I wasn't quite so lucky. I grew up in the system. But I've always been a bright student, so I was able to get a good education. I had to postpone my plans to go to college after high school because of Isobel for a few years, that's why I only graduated recently. But I have a good job lined up, I'll start next month. So, I'm not a complete failure."

Alex wraps an arm around Michael's shoulder and pulls him into a hug. "You could never be a failure. I don't know much about you, but you're not a failure. You hear me?" He feels Michael nod against his chest.

"Good. Now that the big secret is revealed. What did Isobel mean when she talked about a handprint earlier?"

Michael pulls back and looks at Alex. "You heard that? Well, as I demonstrated earlier, my power is telekinesis. Isobel can influence people with her brain, and Max can heal. What the three of us have in common, is that we can share memories with someone else by putting our hands on them. Skin on skin. It opens some kind of mental connection, don't ask me how it works exactly, but it leaves an iridescent glowing handprint on the other person's skin. It fades after a few days, and the connection shared during the handprint also breaks."

Alex squeezes Michael's hand. "So, you can share memories and emotions, but you won't mind-whammy me?"

"God, no, I won't. I swear. I wouldn't even know how to," Michael says.

Alex turns to Michael and they look at each other. "Okay. I'll sit down on the bed against the headboard. I don't have any medical exams scheduled in the next couple of days. Does the handprint have to be placed somewhere specific?"

Michael looks at Alex with wonder in his eyes. "How are you so fucking calm and cool about this? My entire life – well, since we hatched – I've been worried sick about revealing this secret to anyone and sicking military special forces on us. You are the first person I've ever told, and you're taking it like I told you I have a mole on my left butt cheek."

Alex raises an eyebrow. "You have a mole on your left butt cheek?"

Michael giggles. "Oh my god, I know it's probably too soon to say it not even two hours after we've met, but I love you. You're ridiculous, and hilarious, and brilliant. And I love you." He wipes at his eyes. "And no, I don't have a mole on my left butt cheek. Wanna find out where I have one?" He waggles his eyebrows at Alex.

"You casually mention that you love me, and I'm supposed to play 'search the mole' with you? You are unbelievable. For the record, I love you, too. And I don't care that we only met two hours ago. You're about to put a spooky handprint on me that will tell me everything I need to know."

Alex lets go of Michael's hand and scrambles back on the bed until he sits comfortably, propped up by at least three cushions. He looks down at himself and pulls his shirt over his head and flings it in the general direction of the hamper. He winks at Michael. "Come here, alien boy, tell me your story."

Michael laughs and crawls across the bed until he's next to Alex. He likes what he sees. A smattering of dark chest hair, strong arms, a sculpted torso. Alex is gorgeous, head to toe.

"Is it okay when I put my hand on your chest? Low enough that the handprint won't be visible even if you open the top two buttons?"

Alex nods. "That sounds reasonable. Go ahead."

Michael places his right hand on Alex's chest. Michael takes a deep breath, and suddenly his hand starts glowing red. The palm of his hand is heating up against Alex's skin, but the heat doesn't hurt. They look at each other, and suddenly it's like a gate to another dimension opens.

Alex looks at everything Michael sends his way, he laughs, he sheds tears, he looks in horror at what some of the foster parents did to Michael. He sees Isobel, and another man, Max, most likely, he sees an old man with an eyepatch at a place that looks like a junkyard.

It's not just images Michael shares, though. There are also emotions. Alex can barely handle the loneliness radiating through the connection, the fear of someone finding out, Michael worrying about Isobel, and a million other things.

When they later look at the alarm clock on Alex's night stand, they realize the whole thing didn't take longer than maybe ten minutes, and yet Alex feels like he knows everything about Michael. Not every detail or secret, but he knows Michael now.

It's overwhelming, and terrifyingly wonderful. Alex doesn't know how else to describe it. They lie down next to each other, knees knocking, hands exploring, their mouths almost touching.

"Wow," Alex breathes out.

Michael kisses him. "Yeah," he whispers.

Alex does what he's been dying to do since he met Michael. He runs his fingers through Michael's hair and enjoys how soft the curls feel. Like the finest silk.

"You are incredible, Michael. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll have a million questions for you in the coming days, and I'm sure you'll also want know more about me, but I need to not talk for a while. Can we do that?"

Michael nods. Alex barely blinks an eye, when they both float up, comforter and duvet getting pulled out from under them, and soon they sink back down into the soft mattress again. "This ability of yours sure comes in handy," Alex praises.

Michael pulls the duvet over them, and Alex is grateful for the heat inside of their little cocoon. "It does. You have no idea what it means to me to being able to use it in front of you."

Alex notices the emotion in Michael's voice and sees tears glistening in his eyes. He wraps his arms around Michael as good as he can and pulls him close. Michael hugs back, and then they just hold each other for a long time. Breathing each other in and trading lazy kisses.

Once their bodies and minds relax, their kisses get heated. They are both hard, their cocks brushing against each other through the thin fabric of their underwear. Alex wriggles his hand between them to wrap it around the tips of their cocks peeking out. There's no time (or room) for finesse. Heat and friction are doing the job for them. Their kisses get more and more wet and sloppy, they pant into each other's mouths, and just moments before Alex is ready to come, Michael looks at him, his pupils blown wide. He presses his hand on the glowing mark in the middle of Alex's chest.

"I love you," he says. A short break, then he adds, "Darlin'."

Alex lets out a guttural sound, something between a scream and a moan, and he comes in hot and almost painful pulses between them. Michael follows only moments later, adding to the mess. But they don't care.

The connection between them is blown wide open, and Michael gasps, when he's receiving memories and emotions from Alex suddenly. An abusive home, his mom leaving, loneliness, gruesome years in the military, the immeasurable pain of losing a limb, Michael feels like he's about to pass out from it, but he holds steady.

Alex took in everything he shared with him earlier, now he wants to take in everything Alex is sharing. It's a lot, though, and when the flood of impressions subsides to a mere trickle, he realizes he's panting and sweating like he just ran a marathon.

Their foreheads are touching, and they cling to each other like they're afraid to let go of the other.

Later, they won't recall exactly for how long they stay like that. At some point, Alex musters enough energy to tell Michael where he keeps a bottle of nail polish remover in his bathroom.

"How do you—,?" Michael starts, and Alex just places his hand on Michael's chest. Michael blinks. "Wow, I think this experience has fried some of my brain cells, of course you know."

Michael closes his eyes and concentrates, but he's not strong enough to make the bottle come to him with his telekinesis. Reluctantly, he lets go of Alex, who grumbles and makes grabby hands at Michael.

"Just a second, sweetheart, I'll be back in no time. Don't go anywhere."

"Har, har," Alex makes. He's slowly feeling like he's fully conscious again. He's about to call for Michael's attention, when the man in question returns from his quest in the bathroom. He's sipping from a plastic bottle he's holding with one hand, and there's a wet towel in his other hand. Bless him.

He hands the towel to Alex (who notices that Michael soaked it in warm water, bless him more!), and he quickly wipes himself down. When he's finished, Michael takes the towel and returns to the bathroom.

When he comes back, he smiles at Alex. "Pajamas, or shirts and sweatpants?" he asks, pointing at the walk-in closet.

"Door on the far left, there's both, pajamas and other comfy clothes. I'll take what you take." He only feels silly for saying something so sappy for a second, because Michael beams like the sun. "Partner look, I like it."

Michael vanishes for half a minute and returns with two pairs of blue sweat pants and plain white shirts. He dresses himself first, while Alex puts on the shirt, then Michael's there to help him put on the sweats. Without being prompted, Michael asks "Your crutches, where are they?"

Alex smiles at him softly. "In the living room, leaning against the wall next to the dining table."

Michael goes to fetch the crutches and leans them against the wall next to Alex's side of the bed when he returns. "Anything else I can get you before we sleep?"

Alex shakes his head. "Nothing I can think of right now. Come to bed, Michael."

Michael smiles, his grin almost devilish. "It'll be my pleasure, darlin'."

Alex is tempted to throw a pillow at Michael. "You're not playing fair, Michael. I'm exhausted, and you know what you saying it does to me. I don't think all the darlin's in the world will be able to make me hard again right now, though."

Michael crawls into bed and under the covers. He pulls Alex close and kisses the tip of his nose. "Don't be sad, sweetheart, there's more than enough time for that in the morning. Unless you have to be somewhere tomorrow?"

Alex shakes his head. "No, there's nothing on my schedule tomorrow. Plenty of time for us to get to know each other with more words. Don't get me wrong, what happened tonight has been the most incredible experience of my life, and I'm grateful that we already know so many things about each other, especially the bad things that are much harder to talk about. But I still want to talk to you."

Michael nods. "We'll do that. Tomorrow. But now, let's sleep. The acetone helped, but I still feel a bit like I was hit by a truck. Big spoon or little spoon?"

Alex thinks about it for a moment. "If you don't mind, little spoon. You're just so warm, and I'm freezing. I'm always up for big spoon duty, though. I want to hold you, too, you know."

Michael's smile is the sweetest, and Alex's heart almost bursts with how much he loves him. "I know," Michael says. "And now, turn around and get comfy."

Alex does, and as soon as Michael's inhuman warmth engulfs him, his eyes start to droop. A moment later the room goes dark, and Alex feels Michael's lips peppering the his neck with little kisses. He pulls Michael's arm closer around himself.

"I love you," he whispers into the dark.

"And I love you. So much, Alex. So, so much. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Michael."

And then, they sleep.

#malex #alex manes #michael guerin #rnm fic #malex fic #my fic #michael vlamis

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