#i am an electrical engineering major because of tony

[meridian-gold]

do i even have a personality at this point? or am i just an amalgamation of all the fictional characters ive ever loved?

[eccentricgrace]

Building The Resumé || IronDad

summary: tony invites peter to a stark industries event. nothing bad could ever possibly happen!

tags: sketchy npc character, banter, protective tony stark, peter parker pretends to be a stark intern, peter parker's ever-present battle with the 'is this a threat or am i having an anxiety attack' argument

wc: 2,372

cross-posted on wattpad under the same name!

It was two weeks ago when he asked.

"Whether you go or not," Tony reassured him slowly, his eyes somber, "you're still going to be counted as an intern. I'm just saying, if you're worried about going just because you want it to show on your resumes, or applications, or��� or anything like that, don't be. Don't be worried."

Peter blinked several times, taking it all in, struggling to click the words Tony's saying into place. With the way he was acting, you'd think Tony was asking him offering a train for him to jump in front of.

"I'm not worried," Peter laughed breathlessly, his eyebrows furrowed. His laugh falters off. "I mean, are— are you worried? I don't need to go if you don't want me to."

"No! No— I mean," Tony exhaled stiffly, pressing his fingers into the bridge of his nose. "I have a complicated history with these sort of parties. That's all, kid. I just know you've been wanting some internship stuff to show on your record, so Pepper told me to offer this."

"So, it's like a business party?" Peter clarified. "I've been to those before. May's brought me to some for F.E.A.S.T., they aren't too bad."

"Lets just the people working at your aunt's charitable nonprofit is a little different than the crowd around S.I.," Tony said dryly. "Like I said, you're more than welcome to go. Or not go."

Funnily enough, this wasn't the first time Tony tried to bring his name's company in conversation. Key word to explain, tried. To be clear, Peter has never had any difficulties with the subject; but at some point he realized it was a sensitive subject for Tony, so it never comes up unless it's on his own terms.

This is as rare an occurrence as expected, but every time it has happened, Tony acts so entirely nervous that it can be confusing as to how Peter's supposed to respond. Every sentence always ends with a BUT, always making sure to add an easy escape plan for Peter to deny.

He isn't sure what to make of it. He's still learning.

Peter shrugged. "Well, yeah. I mean... it's just one party. It sounds exciting."

"Alright then. It's on the ninth. I'll pick you up."

"Okay," Tony set his jaw. He nodded once. "Sounds good."

So.

Two weeks later, and Peter is asking the entire drive there if there's anything specific he should know, anything he should be saying, anything he should not be saying, and Tony answers every one with an extraordinary amount of patience.

"Does my suit look okay?" Peter asks, and the elevator is going up, up, up, all the way to the rooftop. They're at some fancy building that Tony said he only uses for business events, or something. "I'm not underdressed, right? Or— is my tie straight? I feel like it's crooked, is it crooked?"

Through the tangible waves of his anxiety, Tony spares enough time to give him this fond, half-tilted look and shakes his head.

"It is now," he says, moving forward to brush Peter's fidgeting hands away from the tie. He straightens it properly, and pats it down. "You look fine, very professional. Good job, kid. They'll think you're the son of a very wealthy business major or something."

"Electrical engineering major?" Peter jokes. He immediately shuts his mouth, his ears going red.

Tony quirks an eyebrow at him. After a moment, he adds: "I also majored in physics."

They step through the doors, walking out onto a very busy balcony. The party seems to swell as people recognize who's just arrived, and people begin to make their way around just to catch a glimpse of the illustrious Stark.

The thing is, as it was explained to Peter earlier, the only reason Tony is even at the party is for appearances.

("Everyone knows Pepper is the one in charge," Tony rolls his eyes. "But nevertheless, they put my name on the invitation, and if I don't show up to at least one a month the stocks start tanking. This is basically just my homework.")

Even so, Tony blends in with the crowd of the party in a way Peter's never seen before. He's like an entirely different person, which is strange because— he's familiar, isn't he? This is the Tony Stark he grew up seeing in the news, isn't it? It's the one he's had talking in his ear everytime he did his homework until he was like, twelve.

Tony smiles at those around him, and it may pull at the lines of eyes but there's a distinct lack of light in them. He waves casually to everyone who nods a greeting at him, but his arm is tense, and his spine is rigid.

Peter trails along behind him, going wholly unnoticed. It sort of feels like walking through the hallways at school, only if he was friends with the most popular kid for once, and everyone who he was brushing into him wore stuffy business suits instead of backpacks.

It's would be funny watching the switch of personality Tony undergoes between stranger and known person, if it weren't so fascinating first and foremost. He's laughing at someone's bad joke, the kind that's hollow in his chest and forces a cheek-burning smile—and then Peter taps him on the shoulder to murmur how someone's purse looks more expensive than his Very Good Condition Han Solo-on-a-Tauntaun collectible figurine— and suddenly his eyes light up and his laugh sounds so much brighter, and Peter can't understand why nobody else can tell.

"The food here is so good," Peter says to him quietly, immensely pleased with his tenth hors d'oeuvre. He very politely tries to wipe his hands on a paper napkin. "Is all rich people food like this?"

Tony guffaws, but he looks so amused that Peter knows he's not offended. "Definitely not. One day I'll take you to try this one LA restaurant's escargot— cost an arm and a leg, gave me food poisoning for four days."

Peter grimaces, sticking a laugh.

Tony chuckles, pats him on the shoulder, gently tugs him around in that gruff, paternal way that Peter is still getting used to again. Then he's pulled into yet another conversation that Peter's never seen.

Nobody has really looked at Peter the entire party. Nobody has engaged him in any conversation, they don't really pay him any mind when he leans in to say something to Tony once in a while.

To reiterate, Peter's seamlessly blended into the background for generally the entire party.

This is why it is so obvious when he feels someone's eyes at the back of his neck.

Peter shifts, and his gaze falls over the man in question. He's on the far side of the roof, lingering close to the glass, and looking insanely shady. Cartoonishly so.

There's nothing specific sticking out that tells him something is wrong about the guy, other that the fact he keeps staring at Tony from across the party. Still, every time Peter tries to look away from the guy, even if for a moment, the familiar sense of dread and anxiety starts prickling again at the back of his skull, twitching in his hands.

He makes the call. He pulls at Tony's sleeve.

This is something they talked about, before. Peter's out. His 'get out of jail free' card.

Tony is in the middle of a sentence when Peter does it, and immediately he cuts it off. He doesn't even say an excuse to whoever he was speaking to. He turns around, his vigilant eyes make quick work of scanning Peter for any immediate distress.

("Okay, I'm going to say some important shit here," Tony said, spinning around in his chair. "Listen up."

"Listening," Peter said, quickly finishing the numbers on his page. He dropped the pencil and looked up, and immediately froze at the intensity of Tony's gaze. "Uh..."

"There's going to be a lot of people," tony explained seriously. "They might act polite, but they won't give two fucks about pushing you around or getting too close."

Right. So he was back on the event again. Peter frowned, and nodded at the warning, thinking that was it. It was not.

"In the event something happens, and your senses get out of wack, or you get uncomfortable, or you just want to leave, for any reason, you let me know," Tony continued, each word pointed and sharp in the way that a seatbelt would dig into your neck.

Peter opened his mouth. He closed it again.

"Don't hesitate to bug me, I'm serious. I don't like talking to these people anyways, you'll only be doing me a favor if you drag me from some conversation about investing in some shitty influencer pyramid scheme. We'll call it a 'get out of jail free' card, alright?"

"You..." Peter struggled for words. "You really are planning a lot for this."

He couldn't tell whether to be confused, impressed, or concerned.

Tony's eyes went grave. "I wish I had one of these plans when I was your age and going to these things against my will. Even if you want to go, I'm not personally putting any kid through this without one."

Peter decided then that the proper response was to be reasonably upset.)

"Are you okay?" Tony asks firmly, his voice low. He puts his trust in Peter's ability to hear him, which thankfully, he does.

Peter nods, then subtly tries to gesture to the guy at the other end of the balcony. "Do you see that guy over there?"

Tony nods casually, taking a glass from the serving plate of a passing waiter. "Yeah, started setting off red flags when he walked in." He smiles, fake, waving at another stranger. "He setting you off?"

Peter, for the sake of urgency, sidesteps Tony's ability to apparently know danger without a sixth sense, and instead nods. He's frowning. He can feel it on his face.

"Don't look worried," Tony sips at his drink. "Act normal, kid. You act like something's off, he's gonna know that you see him. Smile."

Peter smiles.

"That's a terrible smile, you look like you have a gun to your head."

Peter stops smiling.

Tony finishes his drink. "Here's the plan. I'll go talk to him, I'll try to lure him away from all these people, you're gonna keep a loose follow behind. When the time is right, we'll see what happens and either send him home or knock him out."

"You're gonna talk to him?" Peter whispers frantically.

"Yep." With that, Tony sets the empty glass on another tray and begins making his way through the crowd, leaving Peter no more time to argue.

So, what else is he to do except follow (loosely) behind Tony while he makes his way through the crowd.  The suspicious guy in question starts to widen his eyes as they corner him, and he makes their job far easier by booking it towards the exit.

Tony sighs. "Kid—"

"On it," Peter says, dodging and weaving through people to stay hot on the trail. Once he gets past the crowds, he's fast, and makes it to the door at the same time.

He feels suddenly very vulnerable without his mask, and realizes belatedly why Tony's previous plan worked the way it did. Either way, it wasn't going to work anymore, so instead Peter gets them both inside and holds onto his wrist.

The man struggles like a rat caught by the tail. "Let go! Let go of me!"

"Do you have any weapons on you?" Peter asks politely. "You're gonna wanna tell me before Mr. Stark finds them, I'll be nicer about it. Better be quick, I can hear him walking. One, two..."

"Knife!" The man splutters quickly. "There's a knife! On my waist, it's on my waist!"

Peter quickly finds it, pulls it off, chucks it to the floor. Tony slips through the door now, wearing his glasses— he starts looking the guy up and down.

"Alright, what is it?" Tony demands. He juts his chin sharply to the side. "You want something? Money? Endorsement?"

"No," the man says. Now that the initial shock has worn off, anger begins to bubble in his eyes. "None of that. You fired me. I want my damn job back."

Tony makes an uninterested noise. "I don't know why I fired you, but considering you've stalked me and my intern to a private event to do god-knows-what for your position back, I'm going to say it was the correct call."

"No," the man seethes. "No! It was my idea! You— you thief— I'll kill you! I'll kill you and the goddamn kid—"

The facade on Tony's face shudders into something dark. He folds his glasses and sticks them in his pocket, and steps close to the man's face. He looks at him with scrutiny, his lips curled in finely controlled ferocity. 

"Say it again."

The man pants, fighting against Peter's grip again. He snarls, keeping Tony's eyes. "I said I'll—"

Without so much of a twitch, Tony wrenches his fist back and drives it into the man's nose.

The man goes limp instantly, his eyes rolling back in his lolling head.

"Holy shit," Peter breathes, and after a moment of shock, drops the unconscious man to the ground. "That was insane. Are you okay?"

Tony grumbles, shaking his knuckles out. "Peachy. Hey, kid, how about we ditch this party? There's a Van Leeuwen ice-cream cone with your name on it."

"I—" Peter stares back down at the guy incredulously. He gives Tony a pointed, confused look. "—are we not gonna—?"

Tony taps the side of his glasses twice. Starts making his way toward the elevator. "Happens more than you think."

Peter scrambles to catch up with him, casting repeated looks back at the unconscious dude. Security have begun to come in from the balcony. "Why do you sound so annoyed? How often does this happen?"

"Jesus, doesn't it?" Tony scoffs. "Attempts on the life get annoying when you've been dealing with it your literal whole life."

"...Wow."

"Anyways, I've officially decided," Tony says. He enters the elevator, his face stern. "Next time, you're staying home."

[braindeadmaggot]

Hi there.... uhm, can I ask you a random question? What do you think is the most powerful Devil Fruit in one piece, and why?

Hello dear Anon. There is no such thing as a random question~

You could ask me what color why dog's imaginary friend's toenails are and it would still be in the realm of normal~ Also, if you want to ask more questions go here and find many to choose from.

Now on with the show (this... took me over 2 hours to write 😖)

I answered something similar to this before about what fruit I would eat. I talked about how the Hana Hana no Mi would be a super convenient ability to have in a way that I can do pretty much everything without leaving my bed, though one would assume that using the ability and sprouting extra limbs everywhere would actually result in more calories burned which would lead to A) burn out and B) gains. I imagine in a more realistic art style, Robin would be jacked as hell like Zoro and would eat as much as Luffy (maybe). I wouldn't hate that. (Best thing from it is I would be able to take the perfect photos of myself and even design my back tattoo properly because I'd actually be able to see it. SUCH CONVENIENCE!!)

Following this, I think the Hana Hana no Mi is very powerful in a way that being able to clone yourself and be in multiple places at once, sprouting specific limbs onto any surface, and she can fly (well technically gliding and only for a flew seconds) is a major game changer, and with the ability to clone...

Teleportation

I don't think this is a canon ability yet, but she can do this in the video games. She's basically Jean Grey (all seeing [not exactly telepathy but I think you get the idea]), Multiple man (clones), Spiral (many arms), Night Crawler (teleportation [maybe]), and Angel (flight [sorta]) all in one.

Her biggest weakness is if any of her limbs take damage, it projects onto her real body. If a clone hand loses a finger, she loses a finger. If she sprouted an eye onto the back of someone's head and their sweat dripped, she'd lose visibility for a hot moment. She's an amazing spy and covert agent, but has terrible defense.

Now going into a more literal thought process...

(SPOILER WARNING!! Wano Arc events mentioned @vergina-spva don't read)

I'm at a toss between the Goro Goro no Mi and the Jiki Jiki no Mi. Eneru was able to forge gold with electricity, but Kid's awakened fruit has a similar ability with creating weapons with scrap, just not as refined - more hodgepodged. Kid's ability is limited to only magnetic metals (of which gold is not), but gold being as soft as it is, we don't know how far Eneru's ability can go which different metals. Though the Ark Maxim seemed to have a gold and glass engine, the pipes weren't as bright and yellow as Eneru's staff, so it could have been brass or copper, but it didn't look like iron or steel (I had to check the episodes for this). The Ark Maxim was built by Gan Fall's men though so there's also the possible that Eneru didn't forge any of that.

Disclaimer: I am not a scientist; I know nothing about physics. This is just what I can gather from many web searches over the past few years trying to figure out Kid's fruit for a fanfic I'm writing. It's all theoretical and more than likely inaccurate. No- scratch that. EXTREMELY inaccurate.

Kid's ability is based around electromagnetism and while similar to a Tesla coil (extremely unstable and radioactive btw, so terrible), I think his ability is more similar to Tony Stark's arc reactor (yeah, I'm going to mention other comic book universes a lot here). Kid produces his own magnetic field, can assign fields to others and can even produce an energy beam. 1 and 3 Iron Man can do. That's pretty damn powerful.

Kid's Damned Punk is an electromagnetic canon, essentially a railgun. But railguns are just really really fast slingshots if you think about it. They propel a projectile as speeds of up to Mach 7 - estimated around 5300mph or 8600kph. There's no gunpowder. Any explosion you see is the impact of the projectile blasting through its target. Railguns are unreliable in a sense that they breakdown with use and are very expensive to power and maintain. Says a lot about Kid as a person lol

The Arc Reactor's electromagnet does [insert science words] to make [science words] which turns [science words] into plasma [more science words] it's just a lot to take in okay. They took creative liberties and bent the laws of physics to make this work for Marvel. One Piece has no laws; it's an utter mess!! And I can approach this any way I want. It's devil magic. BASICALLY... the Iron Man suit's electromagnetic fields change atomic energy in plasma based particles that fuse together to create the repulsor rays (hand blasts) and uni-beam (chest blast). I can't explain it beyond that. I probably shouldn't have gotten so deep into this in the first place.

Looking at Iron Man's Repulsor Rays "are pulsed, laser-path guided, medium-density, plasma projectors, capable of generating a maximum concussive force of 150 pounds of TNT." From what we've seen in One Piece, so many characters have been hit with mortars and only walk away a bit dusty. Big Mom could have easily withstood this much TNT. I think Kid's awakened fruit is essentially an unrefined, not as strong arc reactor but his body can withstand it and that's why he doesn't explode.

I say the Jiki Jiki no Mi is more powerful than the Goro Goro no Mi, but it all comes down to who can charge more cellphones in a minute: Shazam or Iron Man. Though they'd both be able to power an entire city no problem.

Last but not least. The most powerful DF of them all.

Maito Maito no Mi

The Might Might Fruit is an amazing power. Without it, we'd all be dead. It's literally a friggin' powerhouse.

all hail the mighty mitochondria~

[yourmcu]

Friday, I’m In Love

Pairings: Tony Stark x reader

Summary:

In which the reader is an Avenger and she just geeks out when she sees a bunch of musical instruments at the compound and Tony just fallsinlovewithherstraightaway because of her personality and music taste

Word count: 2,562

A/n: (moved to the end of the fic!)

Warnings: u have nothing to worry about :) fluff!

read it on ao3!

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

“I’ll drop this off at your room before I hit the hay, Tony mentioned about giving you a tour of the place first.” Clint patted you on the arm and walked pass you with your bags.

You nodded and smiled, really appreciating his help. You’ve been sorting things out at your apartment with Clint all day. “Alright, thanks. I owe you one.” You heard him say something along the lines of ‘buy me donuts’ before he was out of sight.

“Agent L/N, you’re finally able to join us,” Tony gave you a playful smile, finishing his drink to walk over to you.

You were officially one of the avengers, and now officially moving in. It’s been a few months since you assisted the team on a particularly huge mission. It was not planned of course, after that you started helping out when they needed it, and they thought you’d fit right in.

“Tony,” you gave him a small nod and a kind smile. “And please, call me Y/N.” The billionaire then offered you a drink but you declined.

“Good, didn’t think you’d be much of a drinker,” Tony stated and gave you one of those charming looks that would literally sweep any girl right off her feet. “Has anybody told you that you’ve got pretty eyes?”

The comment surprised you but then again, you remembered who you were talking to. “Stark, if we’re going to be working together you better cut the crap.” You laughed.

Tony raised an eyebrow, thinking that you probably ran into Pepper first before coming up. The small talk led to Tony’s said compound tour. He was making jokes here and there, even revealing secrets about the others that you didn’t need to know about.

After some time the both of you reached the last floor, the one that had your bedroom. Tony was still talking but your  gaze was glued to the black, shiny piano out in the balcony. Why was something so grand and probably expensive doing in plain sight where someone could just swoop in and steal it?

“Earth to Y/N,” Tony waved a hand in front of your face. He stopped when you came back from your trance. “There you are. That’s a secluded, little balcony. It’s a great place to let off some steam or just to take a break for a while.”

“That’s nice,” you murmured. “You... uh, you play?”

Tony spun around to look at you again. “Play?”

“Yeah. The piano, I mean. It’s a good looking piano.” You admitted.

“Oh. That’s what you were ogling? For a second I thought I was a bad and boring tour guide,” he chuckled. “I wouldn’t say I do. It’s a specific model my mother used to own and...”

You waved him off and smiled lightly, not wanting him to explain further as you already understood. It might kill the mood. It’s been a while since you’ve run your fingers through a set of piano keys, you realized, but you were also shy to ask Tony if you could play it sometime.

“Alright, just call for Friday if you need anything, or call Friday to call me,” he joked when you finally reached your bedroom door. “After you settle maybe you could stop by the lab? I could really use your help for something - it’s in your area of expertise, you know?”

“Sure. Tomorrow’s good?”

“Sounds great.”

You nodded and thanked him for the tour, and he gave you a salute before walking away.

----

“Good morning, metal man.”

From inside the Iron Man suit, Tony turned around to see you leaning against the wall beside the door to the lab, a cheeky smile on your face, one cup of coffee in each hand. He was certain that he pulled another all nighter, not even realizing that it was morning until you greeted him.

Surprised by your presence, the iron helmet swiftly revealed his tired face, then he opened up the chest plate of his suit to get out of it completely. “Time?”

“It’s six. I didn’t think you’d be working this early,” but you noticed the circles around his eyes. “...or you didn’t stop since last night.”

“Nope.” Tony snatched one of the cups from your hand and gulped it down. His eyes slightly widened when he realized you snuck in some bourbon in there.

He also couldn’t help but look at your nightwear. Slightly shabby sweatpants and a large band shirt. Green Day, he noticed. They weren’t bad. Heck he could’ve sworn he heard one of their songs on the radio once.

“You said you needed me for something?” You recalled, walking over to his computer. You were an all in one package: you practiced a lot of fighting as a teenager, now you trained with Natasha or Steve, so you knew a decent amount of hand-to-hand combat. Originally you were supposed to major in arts, but switched to the science stuff, engineering, so you knew a thing or two about building things. You also took interest in coding. Plus, Fury admitted to like your wit, one of the reasons why he wasn’t against you joining the avengers.

Tony just wanted you to try and make the security systems around the compound more tight, more secure. He’d do it himself but he wanted to see what you can do. You were the newest part of the team, of course he’d be curious about you.

You pushed yourself away from his desk, humming at the green bar slowly filling up in the monitor. “That should take a while,” you crossed your legs and looked up at the genius billionaire. “You’re awfully quiet, Tony, I think you need some sleep.”

He rolled his eyes, smiling. “I’m getting back to work.”

“Hey no, I’m serious. You need to re-”

You cut yourself off when you saw a beautiful, six-stringed instrument that hung from the wall when you turned. Tony wondered why you abruptly stopped talking and looked at you.

You got up the chair and carefully removed the electric guitar from the wall. You cringed a bit when you felt the rusty strings on your fingertips. Clearly this hasn’t been played in a while.

But nonetheless, you thought it was beautiful.

“You’re looking at it like it’s the love of your life,” Tony pointed out.

“Do you not know what this is?” You gestured to the instrument. It was a Gibson, 1960 Les Paul - its color scheme being cherry red and black. It greatly reminded you of Brian May’s red special-

Anyway, you sat back down, running your hands through the fret board a couple times to get used to the rusty strings, also tuning some that were out of tune. Then you pulled out a small pick from your pocket.

“So you just carry around a plastic plectrum everywhere you go, huh?” Tony heaved himself up to sit on top of his desk in front of you.

Playing a few sets of chords made you reminisce about your high school years. You were the type that brought a guitar everyday to school back then. “It’s a habit,” you chuckled. “When did you start playing?”

“Oh, no. I just collect them. I know a chord or two but that’s it.”

You laughed. Of course, he was a billionaire. “I could teach you if you want.”

Tony crossed his arms and playfully raised an eyebrow. Is this your way of flirting with him, or was it just an innocent offer? “Why, you a professional or something?”

“No - well, if I stuck to my original career choice, I should be.” You shrugged.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Tony made a mental note to himself to ask you more about that specific topic later on.

“Fine,” you giggled. “Name a band and I’ll play a song.”

He pretended to think. “Dunno, AC/DC.”

You slid your fingers up a bit to the higher frets to play the intro to ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’. It’s your personal favorite from that band. The guitar doesn’t sound as exciting as it is when it’s plugged in, but you manage to pull it off. You then played the opening riff a couple times then skipped to the chorus.

Tony watched your hand as you hummed along the chorus. It was a great song, yet simple chords, simple until you get to the solo part. He thought you played it beautifully but he’d never admit it to your face.

“C’mon, it was just one song, am I that good?” You teased when you saw a glint of amazement in his eyes.

“Please, anyone can play that song.” Tony rolled his eyes, grinning. Then he pointed to your shirt. “Green Day.”

You repositioned your hand on the frets, playing the fingerstyle to the band’s song ‘Minority’. “I’d never wear a band shirt if I didn’t know the band. That’s downright embarrassing.

“What’s your genre, Stark? I’m guessing a lotta rock?” You stopped playing for a bit to look at him.

“You could say that. But if I think it’s catchy then it’s going on my playlist,” Tony responded. “You can keep that guitar, by the way.”

You looked at him with wide eyes. “I can’t. This - this model is expensive. The brand’s expensive-”

“It’s three grand.” He told you like it didn’t matter to him.

“Exactly! It’s expensive!”

“Boss, Miss Romanoff is on her way down.” Friday’s voice rang throughout the room.

On cue, Natasha walked in wearing her usual sparring attire. “Y/N. You were supposed to meet me at the gym half an hour ago.”

You cursed, getting up and hanging the guitar back up the wall earning a glare from Tony. He really did want to give it to you. “Sorry, got caught up. Uh... I think it’s done, Tony,” you rambled and pointed at his computer, green bar already full. 

Natasha lingered at the door after you ran up to change. “I know you have a lot of those displayed around and I’m telling you, hide them.” She was referring to the guitar.

“Why?” Tony hopped off the desk and began working again.

“Mainly because she turns into a huge music geek, but I’m assuming you love it.”

----

Tony had a stressful time doing work one night. He’s in the middle of a suit upgrade and he just can’t seem to put it together right. Maybe he just needed a moment to breathe and relax.

So he went to the balcony, a glass of his preferred alcohol for the night in hand.

He wasn’t that surprised when he saw you in there too. After the first time you came over his lab you started coming over regularly, just to talk about random stuff, music and bands, assisting him with anything he needs assisting with. The both of you became close. You could catch and snap back whenever he made a smart remark, and when he would shamelessly flirt with you, you’d just play along, you don’t get insulted or take any of it too seriously. That’s probably why he likes you so much.

This time you sat in front of the piano, playing chords and doing random scales. Tony admired you quietly from the entrance of the balcony. You did look pretty peaceful humming along, he even found it adorable when your eyebrows furrowed when you accidentally hit a wrong note, sometimes you’d shake your head slightly.

You were definitely something else. As time passed, Tony realized his feelings for you only grew and grew. He even started listening to all the songs you recommended, which were all amazing, even though at first he wasn’t used to hearing songs without an electric guitar on full distortion.

“Sorry. It was just so tempting.” You giggled. You pat the vacant part of the piano seat next to you. Tony placed his drink on top of the piano before sitting down.

You began playing a new song and he was very much relaxed by it. He remembered that time he got to ask you why you didn’t grab the opportunity to play music professionally.

“Well why didn’t you?” Tony asked.

You shrugged, fiddling with his custom made Iron Man guitar. “People judged me. Told me I’d never make it as a musician, that it was just out of luck for the famous ones out there now. It’s fine honestly, I liked other stuff anyway. After that I started training, y’know, became a spy...”

“You know how The Cure’s ‘Friday I’m In Love’ is upbeat?” You asked as you transitioned to a new chord. Tony hummed. “I found a slow, piano version the other day and I... learned it. I think it’s pretty.”

“Let’s hear it.”

You smiled. You were always flattered when he wanted to hear you play songs.

Tony looked at your hands swiftly playing the piano keys, up to your face concentrating on what chord was next. You only learned it by ear, you were sure you’d mess up at some point.

“I don’t care if Monday’s blue,” you hummed. “Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too...”

You believed your singing voice was shit, so you just did this thing where you hummed- but also sung the lyrics as you played. Tony believed differently though. He thought your voice was beautiful.

“Thursday, I don’t care about you... it’s Friday, I’m in love,” You glanced at Tony for a moment and then returned your attention to the piano keys when you saw that he’d been fully listening to you.

“Monday you could fall apart,” you fell into your own little world again, high-fiving yourself in your mind when you nailed that chord progression.

Whereas Tony was sure that he was falling for you as moments passed.

“Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart...”

The way you sung that last part made him feel things. It was just so soft, warm, damn, he wanted to make a move now.

‘Do it! You won’t have a chance like this again.’ A voice inside his head told him.

“Thursday doesn’t even start, it’s-”

You did an entirely different chord, messing up the song. “Oh god, that was horrible.” You laughed, closing your eyes and putting your hands around your stomach to contain your laughter. “But it was a good version, don’t you th-”

When you went to look at Tony, you were immediately cut off by lips pressing to yours. He cupped both sides of your face to gently deepen the kiss. He didn’t want it to be forced but seeing as you weren’t pulling away and you started to kiss back, he didn’t stop.

You were shocked to say the least. It was so fucking cliche but it was happening. Tony Stark was kissing you, and you liked it. Well of course you did, who wouldn’t? Maybe because it felt like it had meaning, not because he’s just lusting for you. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of your chest and there were actual butterflies inside you.

“Friday, I’m in love.” Tony finished the lyric for you after he pulled away.

“Are - are you-”

“I might have to kiss you again just to shut you up.”

But this time you beat him to it. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him, and you felt those darn butterflies again.

“It’s about time, sir.” Friday spoke.

----

so this is just a pure music-related imagine and also I’m sorry if you don’t like the band(s) mentioned (bc it’s an x reader), or have a different guitar preference, or play a different instrument or have a drastically different fav genre, etc.

(AND YES I THOUGHT THE TITLE WAS PERFECT FOR THIS SINCE IT’S A SONG AND HE HAS AN A.I NAMED FRIDAY)

[sassanoe]

Love at first fright - Thomas Sharpe

Masterlist

-Is a slight Marvel crossover. The main character is the younger sister of Tony Stark, the only real crossover with this.-

Thomas and Lucille Sharpe have been dead for over 100 years. Allerdale Hall had been untouched all this time. Though now there is a young woman who bought the house, unknowing of the ghost that will come with it. She is a smart, independent woman who just wanted a side project and a break from her busy life. Well, she will be getting a break, just not the kind she hoped.

The flight to Allerdale Hall took forever.“Tony, did you have to come with me?” She said, “Well, your suit I mean.” She huffed not liking that her brother sent his suit with her. “I am not a child anymore, it's an old house. What, do you think a ghost will bully me?” She sassed the suit. “No, this just helps me to feel better, should something happen you will be safe.” He responded with just as much an attitude as his sister. “I am also sending the suit so that no men bother you. You are twenty-two, a Stark, and a billionaire, little sister. I don’t exactly want anything to happen to you. Who else will yell at me?” She giggled “Literally everyone, Tony.” “It’s not the same little sister.” He chuckled. “I’ll call you later, I’m pulling into the drive now. Looks like a crime scene, here.” “Well stay safe, I love you.” “I love you too, Tony.” She smiled and hung up.

Thomas stood looking out the window at the path leading to the house. A strange contraption coming up with a woman with strange clothing getting out of the said contraption. He hoped she wasn’t coming in here, but he knew she was. Lucille will not be happy with a woman in the house. He watched as she pulled out a key then the main doors opened. He floated down to watch quietly as the young woman walked in “F.R.I.D.A.Y. Do a scan of the house and area, please. I would like to have a blueprint of the house.” A metal man came flying in going through the whole house scanning everything. Before it came back and landed next to the mystery woman again. “Miss Stark, everything has been scanned as well I sent the information to your brother.” “Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”  Thomas stayed in the shadows watching quietly.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., how long will it take to restore the home with some tech improvement?" She asked, "Should take but a month using the equipment we came with." The metal thing responded. "Perfect." Taking off her jacket, she set it on the arm of the suit. She looked around them and smiled "A perfect project. My bags, please."  Thomas smiled slightly, she was very pretty though her clothes were strange. The suit went out to retrieve her things, then followed her up the stairs. He followed behind quietly as she kept walking until she selected a room. He watched as she started to clean it with the help of the A.I. She smiled and started pulling open drawers.

 "Thomas Sharpe." He froze. Did she know he was there, waiting for anything else he went closer to see she found his diary. "Must be the former owner of the house. F.R.I.D.A.Y. search Thomas Sharpe. I wish to know as much about the owner. It will possibly help in restoring the home to its former glory." She handed his diary to the metal man. It scanned through everything in the diary, as she went about her business. 

"Thomas Sharpe, 34 years of age, engineer, industrialist, the previous owner of Allerdale Hall. His diary reads that he was sexually involved with his sister, who killed their mother, along with killing his previous wives. They would steal his wife's money then move to the next one. His sister and he had a child that was born wrong, resulting in its death. He fell in love with a woman named Edith Cushing. He is also the creator of the machine outside. Do you wish to fix that as well?" Thomas was shocked, how had the metal thing known all of these things and read his diary. "Poor man," She sighed "Yes, I wish to fix the machine, maybe get it running better. As well, would you start repairing the home's pipes and such, along with adding better electricity, so that I will be able to charge you?" "Yes, Miss Stark." The metal man left. Thomas was shocked as all the young woman had to say was, poor man. 

“This was Thomas’s room then. I'll need to get F.R.I.D.A.Y. to order me a new mattress, bedding, and the bathroom also needs to be fixed. I didn't know the house would need this much love and care, but it will be worth it." She turned and put one of the boxes on the bed and started going through it before she started to pull off her top. Thomas looked away quickly, positive if he was still alive he would be red in the face. She walked through him to the dresser and he was even more shocked. She had on the smallest of shorts and a top that left barely anything to the imagination. Surely that was her undergarments. The metal thing came back into the room. "Y/N Y/M/N Stark!"

She groaned "Yes?" "What the hell do you think you're doing? Why didn't you make sure there was running water and such already there?" Thomas looked at the metal man confused, it sounded different now. "Because I am hard-headed much like my older brother." The metal man was her brother? There was a huff, "I'm sending my other suits to fix the house in a week you will leave then come back." "Dammit, Tony!" Thomas smiled slightly, such vulgar language for a woman. "As your older brother, I would feel better about it." She huffed "Fine, but I want to stay." "Deal." 

The metal man then left the room again. The woman he now knew as Y/N walked back down to the library. He watched as Lucille came from the darkness in the corner, as Y/N took a seat at the piano. "Leave her alone," Thomas growled to his sister. "What do you love her?" Lucille glared at him as Y/N started playing the piano. "She will not have what is mine!" Lucille yelled. Thomas broke a vase to try and make Y/N leave, but she just glanced then went back to playing. Lucille started to make the chandelier shake and fall. Thomas quickly tackled Y/N to the ground out of the way protecting her. Y/N screamed and then everything was quiet. He glared at Lucille before looking to Y/N. She was looking at him in shock. "W-Who are you?" She asked softly, scanning her eyes over his face. Lucille started to make her way towards them, Thomas quickly helped her up and brought her to her room before disappearing again. Y/N stood there shocked. "There is a ghost." She said quietly.

A week had passed, the house was in perfect condition thanks to her brother, and no ghost was to be seen. Walking back to her room she huffed she had been looking for him all day. "I can only assume you are watching me. I'm not scared. Honestly, I just wish to talk. Please?" She huffed and threw herself onto the bed. "I wonder, are you Sir Thomas Sharpe?" No response, she huffed and got up.

Unbeknownst to her, Thomas was in the room sitting on the end of the bed next to her. Over the week, he had learned many things about her and found himself falling in love. She was intelligent, and held her ground against her brother. She would tinker with all of his inventions, making them better. The thing he had come to love most was that she spoke to him even when she questioned if he was listening. She would read aloud, ask his opinion only to receive no answer. He thought it cute when she would call out that she was going to bathe or change and tell him he better not look.

He followed as she went to the attic. He never understood why she didn't have it fixed. She sat on the chair up there. Lucille hated it every time he came up here with her. "What is she doing in our room." Lucille snapped to Thomas, "Lucille, leave-" "Thomas?" The voice was soft, making him look to the woman in the chair. "You keep defending and protecting her! It can't simply be because she is alive. You love her, but you should only love me, Thomas!" Lucille growled at him. "What? Do you wish to fuck her too!" Thomas continued to ignore his sister.

"Would it be so hard for me to see you? Just once more, please?" Y/N said softly, "I truly wish to thank you for saving me. You didn't have to, but you did." Once again, she got no response. Walking over to the things on the table she gently ran her fingers across the top of the bed. "I am going to assume something major happened here."

Lucille looked to Thomas "Make her leave, or I will. I am sick of her calling your name. Speaking to you as if she loves you. She will never love you, because you are dead. I love you Thomas and that is enough." 

Y/N looked around and thought of everything F.R.I.D.A.Y. told her. She sighed something about the attic just gave her a weird feeling that was why she left it but she sighed. "This will be the next to go then." She walked through Thomas and Lucille going back down to her room. Everything in the home had been updated now having a slightly modern feel to it, because of this she was able to see what he looked like. Having read his diary and his journals for his machines she found she was intrigued by this man. She laid in the bed with a frown. "Your sister murdered you."

"She did." Y/N jumped out of her spot staring at him. "Thomas?" He nodded, and she smiled brightly. "Have you been watching over me?" He nodded again. "Oh please speak again. I would love to hear your voice." He smiled at that, "What is it you wish to hear?" She sat back on the bed with the brightest of smiles, asking him all her questions. He stayed answering every single one. Laying with her when it started to get late. She spoke to him of her brother and how she was sure the two would get along.

Months had passed, and the two had only grown closer. With their growing close, Thomas started to look like his human self. Though he was still very much a ghost. They would read together, cook, bake, and Y/N would show him how modern technology works. He learned she was a businesswoman and she learned he was not the murderer he seemed to think himself as. But, as their friendship and love grew, so did Lucille's jealousy. Many times Y/N was saved by Thomas from his sister. When they shared their first kiss Lucille ruined it.

Thomas and Y/N had been in the kitchen. She was dancing around the kitchen with him as they waited for her cookies to bake. Both seemed utterly happy. Her timer went off and Thomas was just not letting her go. She smiled and laughed struggling. "Thomas stop." She giggled breaking away. "Never." He smiled, grabbing her around the waist pulling her close. She looked up at him smiling before throwing flour in his face making her laugh hard. "Now you look as I had first seen you." He returned the favor, throwing some at her. She took the cookies out quickly before the two had continued to play around. Running around the island, he disappeared making her look around frantically.

 "Thomas?" She questioned quietly before she had flour dumped all over her. "Thomas! How could you!" She gasped before smirking and hugging him rubbing up on him returning the favor making him covered in flour. He hugged her tight so she couldn't move, making her smile. They both stared into each other's eyes leaning forward sharing a soft kiss. The room started to get colder and Thomas pulled away quickly looking to find Lucille. Right before she threw the knife Thomas pushed Y/N out of the way.

Ever since that day anything Y/N and Thomas started whether it is kissing or touching of any form something happened. "Thomas, darling. I am sick and tired of your sister. I can't even kiss you. This has been going on for months." Y/N sighed, taking a seat on the bed. Thomas frowned, "I know, and I'm sorry." She went to say something more before the A.I. went off speakers having been made into every room. "Miss Stark, your brother had received a book from Wanda for you regarding your situation, and it has arrived." She perked up "Lovely." "Darling what did you need a book for?" She looked to Thomas, "One to make you a physical and living man for but a few hours a day, along with a protection spell."

Later the same night had the two done the two spells granting Thomas life from dawn till dusk. The other spell simply being a protection spell in their room. No other worldly beings or ghosts will be able to bother them whilst the spell was in effect. "Are we sure this worked?" Thomas asked as she got up. "We are about to find out." He watched her confused as she opened the bedroom door before coming back over and pushing him onto the bed and kissing him.

He pulled away slightly, "Darling, why did you open the door?" She grinned, "I'm laying my claim." He still looked slightly confused and she continued. "If the protection spell worked your sister can't enter the bedroom. So I want to make love to you." His eyes widened, "You want her to see?" He asked, shocked "What if she hurts you once you leave the room?" Y/N smiled softly "Then we just won't be leaving the room." She smiled, making him smile in turn and kiss her.

[hacker-willie-manifesto]

Willie JATP is a Hacker: The Manifesto - Part One

all right, kids. it's time to do the thing i made this blog for, mostly because one (1) person indulged this hc (@crybabyddl this is your fault). as always, thanks to the ghost squad server for putting up with my rambling as i put this post together.

but the tl;dr is: willie jatp was one of the early generation of hackers as well as a skater, and this is how it happened.

edit: if anyone wants to use any parts of the as basis for fic/art/contente in general, feel free! please tag me and i'll boost it and make the rest of the ghost squad boost it ^_^

readmore below this line ^_^

first things first, my headcanon is that willie died in 1989 at the age of 19 (missed the moon landing by just a wee bit, which he's highkey bitter about).

second things second, his parents were college professors in the 70s with access to computers and ARPAnet (precursor to the internet that connected several major US universities).

and third things third, willie grew up spending time in his parents' classrooms and offices because they homeschooled him. mostly because he struggled in a regular classroom setting due to adhd and being a gifted kid tm.

anyways. so he's in the lab with his parents. chilling. when they get a message from a colleague at MIT (blech). and his parents, wanting to encourage his curiousity, let five-year-old willie send a message back.

this was, as the kids say, a Mistake.

willie became FASCINATED with computers. absolutely enthralled. so when one of the computers in his dad's lab broke and was written off by the university, willie went dumpster diving for it, snuck into an electrical engineering lab, and fixed it.

he was 9 at the time.

his parents, being supportive and also very happy to have something safe (hah!) to keep their son occupied, got him a programming guide and set him loose in their friend's office, a computer scientist who was amused by the small child in the corner with his computer and let him borrow whatever books he wanted. he learned very quickly how the computer worked... and how it differed from the way it was SUPPOSED to work. he became OBSESSED with that gap.

(he also became the unofficial anthropology department tech support, but that's another story)

when he's 15, the movie War Games comes out, and really thrusts computer hackers into the public's consciousness... and willie's. willie discovers that his little programs that took advantage of gaps in his computer's programming could be used for a purpose, rather than just to prove a concept. at the same time, the internet was beginning to boom at universities, which meant that willie, the unofficial tech support of the anthropology department, had a direct line to a major university's internet connection.

this was, as the kids say, Another Mistake.

("but when does he start skating, lilac?!" hush, children. we're getting there.)

willie made a few friends online. hacker friends. hacker friends who were part of one of the many hacker collectives to spring up in the 80s. it was his first time Having Friends, so of course when they decided to hack a major corporation as a joke, willie went right along with them.

this was, as the kids say, Another, Much Larger Mistake.

two months later, at 1 AM, the FBI broke down his front door, confiscated his computer equipment, and arrested him. He managed to avoid going to jail because he wass only 16, but he was banned from using the internet until 1990. his parents were... displeased, to say the least. his computer, they said, was not his until he earned enough money to replace the front door's hinges, which had suffered rather catastrophic damage when it got. yknow. kicked in.

willie was not a fan of that, and had already been barred from his main motivator for using his computer, since violating the terms of his sentence would mean (at best) being forced to work for the feds or (at worst) actually going to jail this time.

his mom was one of the original skateboarders, who could rival tony hawk in straight-up skill. one weekend, when he was complaining about being bored and missing his friends (many of whom were now in jail), his mom dragged him to the skate park and taught him to skate.

willie got good. really good. he was competing in the local scene, hoping to make it to the x games.

then. well.

he died.

[androgynousghostlyvoid]

When Is It Over

After being missing for 48 hours, Tony Stark comes into the restaurant and is escorted to the table James Rhodey was waiting for him at. Rhodey, always a patient and understanding man wanted to give Tony an absolute earful for disappearing like that. He and Happy had been just about to raise alarms when he got the text "I'm a genius and you know that but I had major breakthrough and can't talk to anyone else. You will never guess who's bed I woke up in."

Rhodey guessed wrong 17 times then finally gave up by texting back. "Uuuugh, I hate it when you’re right! Just tell me!!"

"One Sargent James Buchanan Barnes, the Manchurian Candidate himself. TMI, but we have no boundaries, he's an awesome lay btw. I'll send you info for a meetup and brunch. I need so much coffee."

And so not long after the two sat in a little known upscale place seated at a privately reserved table on a terrace over looking the sea, Rhodey asking how in the flying fuck Tony had ended up at a dick appointment in Wakanda.

"It all started a while ago but what happened last night started the night before last. I kept having this nightmare where Barnes is bearing down on Pepper and my reactor is busted and I'm trapped in my suit, pinned to the floor like a butterfly to a card by one of those creepy bug collectors. Pepper is right there but I can never convince him to not hurt her. Sometimes it's you or Steve and I guess because I watched footage of him before he started remembering stuff... God, the way he gunned after Steve, like a pretty Ultron. And I fought him myself in trigger mode, Christ, his eyes were colder than dry ice and emptier than Bruce's apartment right now... I had it again and sitting up after with a glass of warm milk thought about that exposure therapy thing, what is it called?"

"Systemic Desensitization?"

"Right, anyway, so I called King T'challa and it turned out Barnes was awake. So i asked to see him, explain what I want to try and do because I already have 15 flavors of PTSD, I didn't need a special designer one and reassured nothing like vengeance was even remotely on my mind. I just needed to see him outside the context I had him in before in Siberia so he agreed to have me."

"Whoa, that's a stupid idea. So what happened?"

"Well, he has a convalescent suite in the mines, most secure place on the planet I bet. From himself and from others. I went straight there and was on his doorstep at 2 the next morning. He was still willing to see me and the Princess seems to have figured out how to end his following through with the programming, so he opened the door and..."

--

"Stark, I understand I never even knew you and I fucked up half your lif-" Bucky Barnes began.

“I don't wanna talk about that Barnes..." Tony replied.

"Then what do you want?" Buck asked shaking his head a little at a loss as to why Stark would need to see him this bad. A cold fright made his belly feel full of squirming eels as he wondered what in God's name he had done now. 'Th-they say I'm alright now but before... I hardly remember being brought to Wakanda, everything after my arm was fried off... is just a smudge of awareness. Did I hurt him bad that day, he looks okay but what did I do..?'

"I... fuck, okay, this is one of those times where I am doing a crazy rich person thing, you know. I keep having these dreams... "I remember them all." you said. That's what you said and ever since I feel like I need to face you in a.... I don't know... unfiltered way? I need to know you're not going to... hurt me or Pepper or Steve or Rh-" 

Bucky stood in the doorway his blood chilled to slush in his veins. What did Tony want him to do? Act out some death wish? 'Absolutely fucking not. I will eat a gun before I endanger anyone else. I can't, I literally can't let it happen, even by the most unpredictable accident...' "Tony, what is it you mean for me to do? I'm not gonna fight you, I-i can't, I-"

"Shit, Sarge..."Tony says and aggressively goes in for a kiss. A hard confused long and breathless kiss.

--

"Oh my God, you did not!" Rhodey exclaimed his incredulity impossible to contain.

"You going keep talking or are you going eat your lunch and let me finish?" Stark says a little miffed even if he wouldn't say that word unironically.

"I thought you were in like, regular killer robots trouble, but this takes the cake, please do go on. I want every sordid detail. I can't tell if I'm more horrified at your taste in guys or frustrated with you for not telling me about what you were going to do."

--

'Oh god my heart is racing faster than that time it almost got its promised dose of metal shards before I could get the other reactor in. I might throw up. But uh yeah, I'll admit it. I'm definitely getting hard. Is this it? Is this what I need to make myself understand he's not a killing machine anymore? For an engineering genius I'm so fuckin' stupid... O-oh ah, is- is he... holding me?' Tony's mind went from one thought to the next so rapidly it almost made him dizzy. But as Barnes wrapped an arm gently about his waist and pulled him closer over the threshold and into his suite, his initial fright at his own actions became quieter and slowed till he was thinking nothing and only letting the electricity of it flow as neurons and synapses and receptors did their work. He could feel Barnes' lips tremble slightly against his as they kissed, cold metal under his palm as it slid up over the smooth curves up to the other man's shoulder, his need now becoming clearer by the second.

Bucky didn't understand what was happening and in ordinary circumstances would like to know and love someone before getting closer this way. It felt wrong at first and he was so hypervigilant he was half convinced his body was acting on its own to attack Tony until the man moaned deeply in to the kiss, the sound of it long and greatly pleased. Barnes pulled away a moment looking at Stark. "What is this? I... I’m afraid I don't understand..."

"You and me both, pal. Oh no, Steve is rubbing off on me.... But yes... I'm figuring something out. Can we go to your room?"

"I- uhm sure it's... uhm... on the left. End of the hall."

"Come on, I can make it fast."

"I... had no idea you..."

"Again. You and me both, pal. Turned out my heterosexual philandering was me performing gender conformity and trying to hide from anything real about myself. I think I swing both ways. Or multiple ways at once." Tony said leading to the bedroom. He took off his jacket and tossed it over the back of a chair by a small table in the room and sat on the edge of the bed. 

Buck sat next to him and said "Ah. Well, you're not alone in that. If I had a nickel for all the girls I had hanging on my arm while hiding the truth..."

"Wow. I mean... The length Steve was going for you... I didn't realize it was a two way street."

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' stupid for that boy. All those years... and then the first one I see his face again, the curse was lifted. Kinda like a fairytale." Barnes laughed.

Tony laughed too. A genuine happy sound he had been too anxious to properly make the last few months. Hearing Bucky say it like that, he knew they both loved the same things in their favorite star spangled dumbass. Another layer of fear melted and he grasped Bucky's metal hand. "Is this going to hurt what you got going for him? I can stop, find some other way to work through how I'm feeling about everything..."

"No, its okay. I...think I understand what you need."

"Oh yeah?"

"We were never properly introduced and until you know who a man is, he will always be a stranger."

'I'll be damned... that's kinda exactly what this is. I need to know him. I need to know him inside out like how I know Steve. It took almost dying together a few times for us to become friends. This is the express route for me and Barnes.' Stark sniffed and nodded then said abruptly, "But first I... I’m sorry. I'm sorry things went down how they did for you, I'm sorry for reacting that way when I found out our... connection. I- well I was going to say I'm sorry I blew your arm off but I'll say it when I'm sure I won't be lying. I had seen you kill a dozen people that day and I'm still scared shitless of you."

The room was quiet a moment as Bucky carefully gathered so he wouldn't burst in to tears before he could say it. "I'm sorry as well. I never got to apologize to any of their families before. So thank you too."

"Hey." Stark said quietly. He was beginning to truly feel something about Bucky other then that fever pitch fear. The time Barnes had come within a second of shooting Tony straight in the god-damned face came back to him but he didn't see that man in this moment. "I want to believe you so, come on. Make love to me and show me who you really are."

--

"Oo, you was being all smooth with it, okay, alright, Mr Stark, turn the swag on..." Said Rhodey.

"One of these days, Alice, right to the moon." Replied Tony.

"Ha ha, okay, I'll stop. One of these days...”

--

Barnes nodded and turned further to Tony reaching a hand out. He used the side of his index finger to take Stark's chin and tug lightly guiding him towards himself and beginning to kiss him in soft slow motions. "Do you want me to take charge a bit? Because I don't think I want you to make it fast."

"Hah~ I uh... don't mind, bottom, top as long as you're comfortable."

"How bout we work it both ways. I mean sure I'm big and can probably punch out that whole wall down in less than 3 minutes but I have a... softer side too."

"Being little spoon is nice..." Stark replied with a small smile pulling his tie vest and shirt off. He was endeared further to see Bucky blushing in the low warm light.

Bucky pressed him back on the bed and rolled half on top of him. His was so effortlessly strong his weight could barely be felt as he held himself from simply pinning Tony to the bed under him. Heat began to flush his body as the gentle kisses they traded became more passionate and hungry. A thrum of pleasure pulses outward from his pelvis and Bucky groaned in the ecstasy of it thinking 'Guess it's like riding a bicycle... it's all coming back to me now, huh?...uhn~' while his hips rocked forward pressing down against Tony.

It was a small gesture but so erotically charged, Stark's breath caught in his chest a second then he mirrored it with his hand sliding downwards to explore the stiffening shaft pressed against his thigh. He squeezed and stroked it marveling it a little for it's size and immediately wondering how much of Bucky's size was from the serum. He suspected from the way Barnes handled himself though that it was all Buck. He pulled the waist band of Bucky's pajama bottoms out and down exposing him. Tony's hand wrapped around it and he watched as Bucky's eyelids lowered and he breathed quietly "Oh God hahn..." pecs heaving as he gasped. Stark bit into his lower lip surprised how a sight like that could turn him on and quiet still more of his fear of the man. It humanized Barnes instantly like nothing else he could have made in the Avengers tower r & d labs.

Bucky's erection throbbed, Tony's hand feeling cool on it's hot skin as he took in the sensation just made it even more captivating but he paused a moment before raising himself to stand and pulled his pants off. As he did Tony took off the remainder of his clothes as well and soon they reconvened on the bed together. Tony waited for Buck to lie down then took a position that would serve well for oral. He was surprised to be further guided gently to straddle Barnes' face. They each used oral to the pleasure of the other and it was not long before the room was full of moans and sighs.

Barnes could never explain it but serving someone willingly in this scenario nearly made his mind melt with the extreme arousal building inside him. He moans softly his tongue massaging and circling sensitive skin, probing flicking at the entrance. He can't help how he is drawn in to the movement both soothed and excited by it, all the while feeling heat and soft textures and slick saliva slowly slathered up and down his length paired with a delicious friction he couldn't withstand in stoicism. His hips jerk and thrust up and his arms wrap around Stark's thighs pulling him down against his now wildly thrashing tongue.

"O-ohn hah! Mmm~!" Tony's breathes come fast and eratic as he tries to not be distracted from the task at hand. Which was enjoying Barnes' response to his sucking and licking of the man's cock. He is becoming increasingly intensely aroused to the point of loosing much of his control leaving him trembling and squirming as he struggles to keep his tongue moving. Finally unable to do much else he accepts Bucky's entire length in to his mouth allowing him to thrust himself in and out while Stark groans in deep pleasure at the many sensations.

Bucky came to a point where it wasn't enough and he needed to see his lovers face as well as become the more active party. He slowed his licking and paused one hand grasping Tony's arm and pulling him up to head of the bed French kissing him and enjoying the feel of their tongues sliding about one another. After a few moments they worked into missionary position. Bucky licked his fingers, massaged and stretching Stark making the man whimper and gasp pressing his head back into the pillows. Then he began to penetrate working his tip in slowly, setting urgency aside for a bit to be sure they were both on the same page.

Tony, experiencing great pleasure eagerly thrust his hips up as his calves rested on Barnes' broad strong shoulders. "I-it's okay, I'm experienced, you can go harder, go faster. Oh god~!" Even as he did it he was having a strong sense of sorrow derived from the way Bucky handled his body, with such a care, terrified of himself of hurting anyone. He knew this was because of who he was as a person and not just special treatment. Hydra had commited a deep sin against humanity by making such a man kill against his own will and every minute with the former Sargent made Stark's heart break for him, drowning the animal fear right out with the deep kindness that had stayed true in Barnes’ heart all these years.

Buck nodded now breathing heavily and started to thrust deep and hard at an almost relentless pace, grunting in a low tone his eyes scanning Tony's face drinking the pleasure he caused, this somehow just as pleasing as the direct stimulation of the sex itself. But still he maintained responsibility for both of their well being and carefully examined himself to be sure he could warn if he lost control of himself somehow. His ardor rose and swelled around him and to this he was perfectly happy to lose himself in the moment, his breaths harsh and fast as his powerful thighs and hips worked to thrust and his hands rose to lace his finger with those of both of Tony's hands holding them pressed to the pillow beside Stark's head on either side, Bucky's mouth exploring licking kissing Tony's throat and chest.

"That's it , oh don't stop, don't stop huhn!! Ah aaah hah~!" Tony groaned as he chased his orgasm. 

"Yeah? Ohn~ come on, come with me, come on baby..." Bucky told him between gasps and moans speaking softly into his ear.

It was one of the best climaxes he had ever had and he supposed it had something to do with how emotional the sex had been paired with Barnes commanding him to do it. 'I didn't even feel submissive till he took the reigns, and that's kinda how I like it.' Tony thought. Panting he said "You really must have given those girls a run for their money. And Steve?"

Bucky paused and smiled. It was honestly one of the most beautiful smiles Tony had ever seen. "Actually, I'd bet my left arm he's still a virgin. He's always so focused, no one ever wonders. They think a man like that would have been taken such a thing the first time it presented itself but our history together says otherwise. His birthday wasn't always July 4th, you know?"

"Meaning he didn't always appear to be the reserved type, a no kiss and tell sort of guy. Oh my God, that explains so much. Does he think it's too dirty or something?"

"Nah. He just wants the moment to be right. And it never can be with the world at stake every other day. He says to me, 'We can move to the country or the sea shore and no one will bat a lash. The ring can be made of the perfect materials for your hand and we can just settle down, when the fight is over’. He doesn't know... living is always going to be a fight. There's always a fight. It doesn't end until your heart stops. So he'll always be waiting for the right time and I'll always be waiting for him." His gaze was a bit melancholic, a bit proud and a lot yearning. His crystalline cerulean eyes swam with tears a moment before he closed them and leaned in to kiss Tony. 

Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and now he felt more real than ever, there was no monster here. Just a man who was having the most rotten luck in history. And he still fought for more each day. 'Men like them really are cut from different cloth. I always thought my dad was just being a righteous asshole when he said that but no...'

--

"And I'm cured! Turns out the right guy can heal you with magic peen." Strk said sarcastically.

"Pft, really?"

"Well, of that one thing. My mind is still fucked pretty hard from everything else though. But I'm glad it's finally laid to rest. Dad would have wanted it that way. Mom would forgive him, why shouldn't I?”

"Jesus, did you just mature before my very eyes?" Rhodey said with a smile reaching out to put a hand on Tony's shoulder with a squeeze.

"Yep. Let's hope I don't have to fuck everyone who has wronged me to finally put my suit away." Tony sassed back patting the hand of his best friend.

He hoped that day would come though. That Steve and Nat and Bruce and Vision and Wanda and Sam and Clint could set down their suits and anger issues and come home so they could all be worth the wait together.

[ceealaina]

Title: Gonna Pick You Up When You Fall Collaborator Name: ceealaina Link: AO3 Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Meet-Ugly Summary: Jim Rhodes isn’t sure how he feels about having the Stark heir for his roommate, right up until he meets Tony and finds he’s the very last thing he expected. Word Count: 3643

Written for the prompts Engineer, Yearning, and ‘Stop that’ for @rhodeyappreciationweek​

When Jim had gotten the letter informing him that he’d been assigned as a roommate to Anthony Fucking Stark, he had almost called up the residence office and informed them that it wasn’t going to happen, and he wanted to be reassigned to literally anybody else. He’d worked his ass off to get into MIT and the last thing he wanted was to be saddled with some rich, white child -- he was only fifteen, for fuck’s sake -- who had been pretty much guaranteed a spot anywhere from birth, just because of who his father was. 

He had actually been on hold with Mia in the Reassignment department when his mother had walked into the room, glanced at the phone he was holding in one hand and the letter he had in the other, and had hummed in that way she had. 

“What?” Jim asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. 

“Nothing,” she assured him, with a pointed look at the paper in his hands. “I just feel bad for that boy, is all.” 

“Bad?” Jim repeated incredulously. “Momma, he’s one of the richest kids in America. He’s had everything he’s ever wanted.” 

“Still. Can’t be easy to grow up with that kind of pressure, all those expectations.” She had leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you, Jimmy, but you know I’d be proud of you no matter what you did, right?�� 

Jim had hung up the phone. 

*

There was no sign of Stark or his family or even any hired help the entire time that Jim and his family were moving his stuff into the dorm. He’d half expected Anthony to already be there, some sort of Early Move-In Day just for rich people. But since he wasn’t there, Jim refused to feel guilty for taking the good bed beside the bigger window. Maybe Anthony had changed his mind and decided to go to CalTech instead, and Jim could have the whole room to himself. 

After getting all his stuff moved in, he had to see his family off. Then there was ‘mandatory’ Frosh Teambuilding, which consisted of a bunch of juvenile trust activities that felt more like the kind of stuff white people did at summer camp on TV. And then there was dinner, and then a ‘mandatory’ floor meeting going over all the rules of living on campus, after which he’d wandered over to the student union building and almost immediately gotten pulled into a truly painful conversation with one of the guys from his assigned frosh group. 

By the time he was making his way back to the dorm, he was exhausted and had all but forgotten about his MIA roommate. Distracted with thinking about his bed, and the things he had to get done before classes started, it took him a minute to process what he was seeing when he stepped into his room and found the previously unoccupied side of the room fully decorated, complete with a large television and an NES. He blinked a minute, and then spotted Anthony Stark himself, sitting on the window sill over Jim’s bed, thank you very much, leaning out the window to smoke a cigarette. He was wearing tight jeans and a polo shirt, the collar popped, with a pair of expensive sunglasses dangling from the neck, and Jim shook his head. 

“Oh no,” he declared. 

He hadn’t actually meant to say that outloud, but Anthony didn’t seem offended. He looked lazily over at Jim, lips curling into a smirk around his cigarette as he gave Jim a slow look up and down. 

“Hey there, handsome.”

“Oh, hell no,” Jim reiterated. “I’m gonna tell you right now. This? Isn’t how things are gonna go with us.” 

Anthony blinked at him, looking mildly taken aback. “I’m sorry?” 

“This.” Jim gestured wildly at him. “This whole… Too cool for school bullshit persona thing you’ve got going on? I’m not doing it.”

“Excuse me?” Anthony looked faintly amused which, Jim realized belatedly, was probably good since he likely had enough clout to get Jim kicked out of MIT entirely. “It’s not bullshit,” he added, with a dramatic pout around his cigarette that was entirely too sexy to be on a fifteen-year-old’s lips. 

Jim rolled his eyes. “Right, so you’re just actually that fucking cool, huh?” he asked, voice dry. “Whatever you say man.” 

Anthony tilted his head a little, eyes narrowing as he looked more closely at Jim. Jim had the uncanny feeling that Anthony was looking right into him, but he just set his hands on his lips, staring impassively back at him. 

“Do you know who I am?” he asked finally. 

It wasn’t said with an attitude; Anthony sounded genuinely curious, like he thought Jim might have somehow missed that fact somewhere along the way. Jim rolled his eyes anyway. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re Anthony Stark, boy genius, richest kid in America or whatever. I don’t really give a shit, man. I’m just here to get my engineering degree, and move on. I already did this bullshit in high school. I don’t need to go through it again.” 

“Huh.” Tony took another slow drag of his cigarette, pursing his lips and dragging it out. It would have been embarrassing, how hard he was trying to look sexy, except he didn’t have that awkward edge most kids his age did. It seemed almost natural, giving him the uncanny appearance of being older than fifteen, even if his features said otherwise, and Jim shifted a little uncomfortably. “It’s Tony, actually,” he said finally, tilting his head back to blow smoke out the window. “And you’re James Rhodes?” 

“Jim,” he corrected, grudgingly. Tony nodded, giving him a smoldering look and flicking his tongue over his lips, and Jim glared. “Stop that!” he squawked. “You’re fifteen, it’s fucking creepy. And put that out, while you’re at it. Smoking’ll kill you, and I don’t want your nasty ass smoke on my sheets.” 

Tony stared at him and then shrugged, pressing the cigarette against the sill and then flicking the butt out the window. He didn’t bother to shut it before he hopped down off the ledge. “Well, Rhodey,” he drawled the nickname, smirking at Jim with smokey eyes. “Gotta say, I didn’t expect you to be so lame.”  

Jim didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m not lame,” he told him, grabbing his toiletries kit to get ready for bed. “Told you, man. I’m just not here for the bullshit.” 

When he came back from the bathroom, Tony had stripped down to his boxers, was spread across his bed like some kind of Playgirl model. Jim ignored him, flipping out the light and crawling into his own bed with a contented sigh. He was already starting to drift when Tony spoke into the dark space. 

“I’m taking engineering too.” 

“Yeah? We’re at MIT, dude. You, me, and half the campus.” 

Tony huffed out a sigh. “Electrical engineering, since you asked.”

Jim hummed a vague acknowledgement and hesitated a moment. “Aviation,” he relented through a yawn. “Gonna be a pilot.” 

If Tony answered, Jim was asleep before he heard it. 

*

Tony, it seemed, didn’t know what to do with Jim. He didn’t let up on flirting, constantly trying to be sexy, but it quickly seemed to be less with intent and more just to irritate Jim. After the first day of classes, while Jim was getting a start on the five billion readings he had to do, Tony had wandered in from his own classes and immediately started taking apart his NES -- it seemed this was a common thread with Tony. He’d already taken apart and put back together his television and his VCR. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he couldn’t seem to stop rambling while he did it, name dropping about fifty famous people he knew, ranging from politicians to celebrities. Jim had just grunted occasionally, doing his best to tune him out, until he yelped when a pencil hit the back of his head. He turned to see Tony smiling beguilingly. 

“Hey, did you hear me? That’s Sean Connery. You know, James Bond?” he asked, like Jim lived under a rock or something. 

“I heard,” Jim said and then, because the pencil had hurt and he was feeling a little mean. “Doesn’t he advocate for hitting women?” 

Tony just looked confused, like he couldn’t understand Jim’s lack of reaction, and he sighed. 

“Look man, that’s cool and all, and I love James Bond as much as the next guy, but at the end of the day they’re just people. Unless you’re planning to set me up with Phoebe Cates, my homework is a bigger priority right now.”

So Tony had started leaving expensive things around the dorm room. There were more sunglasses, and platinum cufflinks, and bottles of high quality liquor that Jim had immediately made him shove under the bed because they were both technically underage now. Tony had just looked more and more confused the less interested Jim seemed, and then had come home the next day with an Atari 7800, which wasn’t even supposed to be released until the next year. 

That, Jim had to admit, was pretty cool, especially since Tony immediately offered him a controller. And that was what he couldn’t figure out about Tony Stark. He didn’t hesitate to share everything he had. He’d offered up his tv and gaming systems almost right away, was constantly bringing home snacks and junk food and giving half of them to Jim, and when Jim had been running late one day and couldn’t find his own, he hasn’t hesitated to offer up a pair of his ultra expensive Ray Bans, telling Jim not to worry about returning them. He was a twerp, but he was also unfailingly generous, and Jim wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that. 

So when he came home to find Tony reading some scifi novel at his desk just a little too casually, and a Rolex watch ‘accidentally’ sitting in the middle of Jim’s bed, he just sighed and dropped it on Tony’s book.

“Oh thanks!” Tony said brightly. “I was looking for that.” 

Jim refrained from pointing out that it was the first thing he saw when he walked into the room.

“Hey!” Tony added when he started to turn back to the work waiting for him. “Did I tell you about my Ferrari 288 GTO?”

Jim hesitated long enough to arch an eyebrow at him. “Are you even old enough to drive?” he asked, heading over to his desk. 

For a moment it was quiet, and then: “Okay, I give up,” Tony burst out, causing Jim to turn back around to face him with a startled look. “I can’t figure you out. Is it me specifically, or are you just allergic to fun? Seriously dude, does nothing impress you?” 

Jim gave him a look. “Have you been trying to impress me?” 

“Not like that.” Tony rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that he’d spent the better part of their interactions flirting outrageously. “Just, you know… That’s how you connect with people, right? Show off your shit and compare notes, and decide what’s better…” He trailed off at the look on Jim’s face. “What?” 

“Rich people are fucking weird, man.” 

Tony frowned at him. “What does that mean?” 

“Just… Sounds exhausting, constantly trying to outdo each other.” 

Tony was still frowning, and Jim felt a little bit bad.

“Hey, you know what I’d actually find impressive? Seeing if you’re actually here for any reason besides your name. We’re a week into school and I haven’t seen you do one bit of work.” 

Tony’s jaw dropped. “Because I’m a genius!” he protested, and he didn’t sound like he was bragging, just stating a simple fact. “I built a circuit board when I was three!” he added, but there was a sparkle in his eyes now. 

“I don’t know…” Jim smirked at him. “That was like twelve years ago, man. What have you done since?” 

Tony narrowed his eyes briefly and then he was skittering over to his desk. “I’ll show you I deserve to be here,” he grumbled, pulling the bottom drawer out entirely, and apparently he wasn’t as entirely obsessed with looking cool as Jim had first thought, because the entire drawer was filled to the brim with Lego bricks. “Okay,” he said, grinning up at Jim. It was a good look on him. “We’ve got fifteen minutes to build a Lego machine. Best design wins.” 

*

Jim wandered through the party, wincing against the glare of the strobe light. Despite what Tony seemed to think, he wasn’t actually that lame, and he did enjoy a good party. This, however, wasn’t really his scene. The house was packed dangerously full, men and women alike mostly naked -- he’d touched more random body parts than he ever had before in his life -- and in general everything just had that edge of too wild that usually meant the police were five minutes out. He’d been supposed to meet up with a guy from one of his classes, but he hadn’t seen any sign of him and he was done with looking. 

Jim started to make his way for the front door, and then stopped as he spotted a tuft of curly brown hair that was already becoming familiar. “Oh no,” he muttered, letting his eyes fall shut for just a moment.

He thought about leaving Tony there, he really did. He was his roommate, not his responsibility. But then a voice that sounded suspiciously like his mother reminded him that Tony was only fifteen, still a kid. And then he thought about how desperately Tony had been trying to win him over all week with stuff and money, because that was apparently how he thought things were done, and how easy it would be for someone to take advantage of that. When he found himself picturing the pleased smile Tony’d had when he finished his rubber band Lego car, almost startlingly innocent compared to the way he’d been acting, Jim knew he was stuck.

Grumbling under his breath, he started shoveling his way through the crowd to where he’d last seen his wayward roommate. Of course by then he’d wandered off again, and it was a good ten minutes before Jim managed to track him down to some little room that he’d missed at first. 

Tony was sprawled out on a couch, his dress shirt fully unbuttoned, and he was giggling as two girls in bikinis kissed their way over his neck. His movements were lazy and his eyes unfocused in a way that suggested that he’d had more than just booze, but his face lit up when he spotted Jim. “Hey!” he slurred. “‘S my Rhodeybear.” 

Jim blinked once at the nickname. “Right.” The two girls looked as out of it as Tony was, but there was a guy watching the whole scene with sharp, sober eyes that Jim didn’t like at all. Mustering up every bit of his ROTC confidence, he strode over to the couch and bodily pulled Tony to his feet. “Come on, Tones. Time to go home.” 

“Awww,” Tony whined, but he didn’t actually make any attempt to resist. “Five more minutes?” 

“Nope,” Jim declared, just as one of the girls reached up and caught Tony’s hand, giving him a half-hearted tug back toward the couch. 

“Yeah, jus’ five more minutes? We’re jus’ gettin’ started.” 

“And he’s fifteen, so that’s illegal.” 

“Rhodeyyyy,” Tony whined, finishing his name with a giggle. “Why you gotta give away all my secrets? C’mon le’s stay. They’re my friends. Didn’t even hafta do anything to impress ‘em, like you said.”

“Yeah.” Jim glanced back over to the corner, where the guy’s smirk had turned to glare. Jim was pretty sure that there was a video camera on the floor beside his feet. “They’re not your friends, Tony.” Heart starting to pound, he slung an arm around Tony’s waist and hustled him out the door before anyone could make a real attempt at stopping them. 

Outside, Tony was in even worse condition than Jim had realized. He didn’t think he was in any danger healthwise, except maybe from puking, but he could barely stand on his own, needed Jim’s constant support to walk, and he was frighteningly pliable, happily going along with whatever Jim said. Jim had expected to be annoyed with Tony, at having to babysit him. Fifteen or not, surely he knew better? But mostly he was just pissed at the asshole who had tried to take advantage of him like this. He was just a kid, and clearly oblivious, and using his inability to understand how normal, non-rich humans interacted to try and hurt him had Jim seething. The more he thought about it the angrier he got, and if he hadn’t been busy with having to half-drag Tony back to their dorm, he might have gone back just to punch the guy in the face. 

He managed to get them into their room without getting caught by anyone, at which point he’d helped Tony strip down to his boxers -- less awkward than he’d expected -- and slide into the bed. Tony had moaned blearily, rubbing his face against the cool sheets like he was feverish, so after dragging his garbage can close in case he did puke, Jim grabbed a washcloth and darted into the bathroom to rinse it with cold water. 

When he got back, Tony was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, lolling his head back and forth over the pillow in a way that Jim had vague memories of his baby sister doing as a toddler. He passed over the washcloth and Tony closed one eye and then the other, trying to focus on it. 

“Wassat for?” 

“It’s a cool compress. For your head?” 

Tony was staring at him blankly, so Jim folded up the cloth and draped it over Tony’s forehead. “Jesus, Tones. Hasn’t anybody ever taken care of you before?”

Tony shrugged, sighing at the cool touch against his sweaty skin. “Only when they want something from me,” he mumbled, out of it enough that there was no joking, no exaggeration in his voice, just plain, simple honesty. “Oh hey!” His eyes snapped open, just as unfocused as before. “Did I tell you my thesis project yet? Gonna build a robot, one with a fully-functioning, self-learning AI.” He waved his hand in the air. “Thas not the point though. Gonna build myself a friend, Rhodey, like you said. One that doesn’t want anything from me, or expect me to buy them things… Just wansta hang out with me…” His eyes slipped shut again, voice trailing off, but Jim just stared at him with a sick feeling furling through his stomach. 

“Shit, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said. “Seriously, are those the only kinds of interactions you’ve had with people? You need real friends, Tony.” 

“I have real friends,” Tony protested. “Had lots of friends in school.”

“Uh-huh.” He knew there was no point in arguing, but the sound of his voice seemed to be calming Tony a little, stilling his movements. “So which one of those real friends do you call when you’re in a jam? Who do you know that’s got your back no matter what?” 

Tony was quiet for long enough that Jim thought he’d finally fallen asleep. He adjusted the cloth to be a little more comfortable on his forehead and was moving over to his own bed when Tony finally spoke. 

“I called you.” 

Jim glanced back over at him. Tony’s eyes were closed, but there was a little smile around his lips, like he’d come to some scientific conclusion and was really pleased with the results. Jim sighed. 

“Yeah, Tones, you did,” he agreed with his own smile. “Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be right here if you need anything.” 

*

When Jim woke the next morning, Tony was sprawled out on his bed, sheets kicked onto the floor and an arm flung across his eyes. He looked absolutely miserable, but he was breathing at least, so Jim left him to sleep it off, being as quiet as possible when he slipped out to the door so he wouldn’t disturb him. 

When he made it back a couple hours later, Tony was awake, though he didn’t look much better. He’d hauled on sweatpants and a t-shirt but obviously hadn’t showered, and he was sitting up on his bed, blinking blearily at the TV as he watched what looked like Indiana Jones on VHS. Hiding a smile at the sight of him, Jim made his way into the room, dropping a wrapped breakfast sandwich on Tony’s lap on his way by. 

Tony blinked at it for a too-long moment, looking completely confused. “What’s this?” he asked finally. 

Resisting the urge to tease him about his supposed genius, Jim just arched an eyebrow. “It’s a breakfast sandwich. Thought you could use something to eat.” 

“You…” Tony’s breath seemed to catch. “You bought me breakfast?” 

Jim just shrugged, even though he knew it was a bigger deal than just breakfast.

“Nobody’s ever…” Tony stopped, cutting the thought off, and then smiled at Jim. “Thanks,” he told him, unwrapping it and taking a huge bite with a smile around his lips.

They settled into an easy quiet for a few minutes, and then Tony cleared his throat. 

“Hey,” he said, and when Jim looked up, the smile that was around his face was softer and more shy, that overconfident attitude that he used like an armor chipping away. “I know you’ve got reading to do, but… You wanna watch Star Wars with me?”  

Jim grinned at him. “Fuck yeah,” he declared, abandoning his books to climb up on the bed beside Tony. “Budge up, man.”

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 61: The Thousand Year Buildup to a Single Moment

Chapters: 61/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Mature Warnings: Death mentions, Snap flashback Relationships: Loki x Reader (There We Go) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor(Marvel), Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Stephan Strange Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Communication Is Still Not Their Family’s Forte, Look Historically Vikings Really Got Around, The Descendant Of A Viking Could Come From Anywhere

Summary:  You spill the beans about your dreams, and Loki learns about your ancestors.

You munched apprehensively on a granola bar while the entire roster of Avengers watched quietly. They'd wanted to talk to you about something, though Loki protested. Apparently, a decision had been made over breakfast, which you'd missed, and even Thor didn't seem too happy about it.

It was definitely time to worry, when a god-king seemed put out by his friends.

“All right.” You said once you'd swallowed the last of your granola. “What kind of trouble am I in?”

“No trouble.” Steve said. “Just some questions we need to ask.”

“Does the name Thanos mean anything to you?” Tony asked.

You blinked at the directness, but said nothing.

“It's okay. You can tell us.” Steve encouraged.

“Well...cats out of the bag, huh?” You sighed. “Yeah, I remember. Everything that happened in that whole year. But to be specific, I don't actually know anything about Thanos except for what Thor, Loki, and Mynos have told me. All I know about was the result, what it was like living in that world, and then it suddenly being reversed, and no explanation for any of it. I really thought I was super crazy, you know? People disappearing, the whole world thrown into chaos for a whole year, and then it never happened? No one remembered? No I definitely thought there was something really wrong with me.”

“And there are more like you?” Banner asked. “More people who remember?”

“Yeah, but I can't tell you who they are.”

“Why not?” Steve asked.

“It was all online. I don't know any of their names. We never met each other, we're scattered out, all over the world We only really found each other by accident.”

“Are you willing to talk about it?”

“Well...”

Tara had stopped talking, stopped laughing, an odd expression on her face. It was almost midnight, the two of you had come home from a movie. It was all so sudden, the quiet, the confused whisper, the soft rustling of dust as she disintegrated in front of you, pouring through your hands.

Slamming door and running footsteps on the grass. Hyperventilating in the car, the engine roar loud. Screeching, honking, cars run off the road on either side.

Trees fell across the road, snapping, splintering cracks, blocking your path just long enough for them to decay into dust. People rushing out of their houses, out onto suddenly barren lawns, screaming muffled by the car windows, the growling engine.

It was dark, the land had changed. You almost got lost int the swirling clouds of dust, and empty cars, but you found your father's home.

Momo meowing frantically, scraping at the door. The television on, sitcom reruns, and a pile of dust in the kitchen.

Retching echoing in the tiny bathroom, flushing water swirling, swirling like clouds of dust in the wind.

People in the streets, coughing and choking on their neighbors and loved ones.

The corn was gone.

You spent the next week alternating between hysterics and numbness. You spent the week after that burying those who couldn't go on. You never actually stopped doing that, throughout the following year.

You numbers shrank and shrank, as social services failed; power and water, garbage pick up and deliveries, medicine and perishable items, all dwindling away. Your little town had been forgotten. Or maybe there really was no one else left. After the loss of electricity, there was no more news from outside.

Most people came together, but there were always those who didn't understand how to work together, or who had broken during it all, or were broken beforehand. People who couldn't put their prejudices behind them, or tried to seize control over others.

There were violent acts. Assaults. Murders.

You were a murderer.

You hadn't ceased to be a murderer, because you had never ceased to be. You had never started over like everyone else had. The weight of all of it rested on your shoulders like a great and festering tumor.

You had come now to realize that this burden would never be lifted.

The people who cared for you would do what they could. They would build braces for your legs. They would spread soothing balm. But nothing, not the Avengers support, nor your father's acceptance, nor Loki's affection could ever remove this from you. It was part of you. All anyone could offer was a little relief.

You shrugged. “I don't suppose my story is any different from anyone else. Shit sucked.”

“Fair.” Tony agreed. “So, who's Mynos?”

“Yes,” Thor asked. “Who is Mynos?”

“Uh...” Whoops. “Um. He's an alien. That I've seen in my dreams. He's one of whatever Thanos was. Big purple guy.”

Tony and Peter shared a quick glance. Thor was staring at Loki, who managed somehow to look both defiant and contrite simultaneously.

“Um...Titans are extinct.” Tony said slowly. “I was...there. I saw their world; what had happened to it. There's none left now.”

“You said this is a dream you've had?” Strange asked. “You've dreamed of Titan? Can you tell us what it looked like?”

“Yeah. It's...orange, mostly. Dry. Dusty. But I can breathe there, so there's air. There's clouds in the sky, and dust storms. The people there are trying to set back the clock on a major ecological disaster. I guess they poisoned the land and water with pollution, and now they're trying to figure out how to get plants to grow again. Mynos is the only Titan I've ever seen, I never even saw a picture of Thanos. But in my dreams, I can talk to him, and he told me some things.”

“Dreams, plural?” Strange asked. Thor was looking at Loki with open worry on his face.

“Yeah, it's sorta...” You glanced at Loki, who was squirming. “You didn't tell anybody?”

“Yeah Jafar, you didn't tell anybody?” Tony accused. “What didn't he tell?”

You stared at Loki, trying to discern what he wanted you to do. You didn't want to lie to your heroes. But Loki might have a good reason for keeping this to himself. You didn't want to throw him under the bus, but you'd already started talking about it.

He caught your eyes, saw the confusion there, and sighed heavily, dropping his gaze.

“_____ and I have been sharing dreams since the day we met.” He admitted. “For the most part, they are normal dreams, as odd and unfathomable as any other. But in others...”

“We kind of go traveling.” You finished. “We fly through space, and visit places. We've been to Titan twice. It has the potential to be beautiful, and they're trying hard. I wish we could help. But Mynos seems to be the only one who remembers what happened. He's the only one who even remembers Thanos. According to him, even people who worked for Thanos don't even remember him.”

“But these are just dreams.” Sam said. “Why take them seriously?”

“They might be kinda real.” You said. “Like I said, I had never seen a Titan before this; Loki didn't even describe them or show me a picture. And Loki hadn't been to Titan.”

“The description is accurate enough.” Tony said. “I was there. Me and the kid. It was orange, dry and dusty.”

“And there was definitely a civilization there once.” Peter added quietly. “There were ruins everywhere.”

“But no Titans. They were all gone by that time.” Strange cut in.

“Mynos told us that he remembered Thanos killing them all. Not directly, exactly, but he blew a bunch of them up, and made it so that the rest couldn't get what they needed to live. So I guess they went extinct.”

“We believe these dreams to be at least quasi-real due to the fact that, every time it happens, we bring something back with us. Planetary dust and a leaf, to be precise. These samples both reside with our scientists right now.”

Thor looked momentarily outraged, but got a handle on it almost instantly.

“Why was I not notified about this, Loki?” He growled.

“Because it is firmly within the realm of magic, which is my realm, not yours.” Loki said with sharp imperiousness. “What would you have done about it, besides fret?”

“Still think you should have mentioned it.” Thor mumbled.

“Do you mind if we look at these samples?” Dr. Banner asked.

“You can look, but you cannot take them. As you might surmise, these are very rare materials.”

“Which you got from a dream. Because magic.”

“Well, my magic is teleportation, so that's the only thing I can think that makes sense. We were kinda sorta there, and I teleported them out with us.” You added.

“Do you think it would be possible for you to take someone else with you?” Strange asked. “Into your dream escapades?”

Loki frowned and very conspicuously took your hand, cradling it in both of his. “I don't think that's necessary. We do just fine on our own.”

Strange sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, lovely couple, blah blah blah. But for the sake of what we discussed earlier, do you think you could at least record these dreams from now on? Not every single dream you have; there's plenty that no doubt goes on in your brain that I want no part in. Just these possibly real dreams?”

Loki scoffed, but you shrugged. “Nothing wrong with just writing them down, is there?”

“No, but magic, especially as ephemeral as dream magic, cannot be solved by a think tank! It requires insight, meditation, the mind of a seer-”

“Or the ability to see multiple timelines?” Strange suggested.

“Braggart.” Loki scoffed again.

“Or, like, if we're still debating whether Titans exist again, we could just ask Heimdall, right?” You asked. “Right?”

“Well...” Loki said.

“Yes, we certainly could.” Thor answered. “We can get to the bottom of this. Just write them down as they happen. No doubt you phones have a journal app that you can use. Right?” He asked Bruce, who nodded.

“Yeah, that's a thing phones can do.”

That settled, the group moved on to other subjects, the settlement of Trolerkaerhalla, Tony's missing shipment of Chitauri artifacts, the possibility that they were now on the black market, and the fact that one had shown up just outside of Asgard...

But also about funding Asgardian building projects, integrating Starktech into their computer systems, and donating those very computers so that Asgardians could get training in Earth technology. Of finding the materials for Asgard to continue rebuilding its own technology, of trying to integrate the two.

Of an Asgardian space program.

Thor wanted to mine asteroids for resources, so that they didn't put extra pressure on Earth. Tony was all the way behind this idea, but Steve had reservations. Who owned what in the solar system? Was everything going to be a free for all? Would mining other celestial bodies help ease pressure on the planet, or would it be a race between Asgardians and humans as to who could get the most stuff? Would there be space battles? Would Asgards obvious head start in space travel garner them the lion's share of the systems extraterrestrial materials, and would that foment even more human resentment against them?

Although you loved the cosmos, space jurisdiction was way over your head. You dropped out of the conversation to talk to Peter, a precious boy with boundless energy, who you still thought should be in school instead of super-heroing, but it seemed like he was trying to do both. You briefly wondered if Avenging counted as an extra-curricular.

Between the two of you, you came up with an idea to help with the funding of Asgard. You would record videos and podcasts about Asgardian life and custom. Peter helped you set up a patreon, and you ruminated over ideas. You couldn't wait to get Saldis in on this.

Natasha was the first to leave. She just said she had something else to do in Iceland, and saw herself out. The majority of the others left with Tony, on his private jet. Strange went last; all he had to do to get home was open up a portal of orange sparks and walk through. Loki took him aside and spoke quietly with him for a few moments, getting a long answer from the wizard, and obviously pleased with what he was hearing.

He kept that buzz of excitement all through dinner, while Thor seemed to be caught up in the satisfied silence after a pleasant time with friends. He didn't really seem to notice when Loki took your desserts- cubes of goat cheese and grapes drizzled in honey-and whisked you away to his favorite spot to be with you: The black sheepskin rug in front of his fireplace.

There you ate your desserts with the fancy, tiny ram horn forks provided, and he clutched you close so you could feel the solidity of his body, see the firelight sparking in his eyes.

“I found out something interesting today.” He said.

“Did it have something to do with what you were talking to Strange about?”

“Yes, it did. Do you know what I learned?”

You nodded.

“I learned that, a thousand years ago, an object once called the Tesseract  was abandoned on earth by my father. There was a great deal of devastation around it, caused by people who tried to wield its power, but the humans of the area finally came to the understanding that they could not safely use it, and built a place of secret worship around it. An order of priests rose around it, claiming their sacred duty was to safeguard the artifact until Odin returned to reclaim it.

Now, I'm sure it's been mentioned that it was actually the Space stone within the Tesseract, and these humans being in constant proximity to it...Well, it changed them, over the generations. Each of these priests was allowed to have one child; and that child was to become a priest or priestess to replace those lost to old age.

Well, one of those children decided to do something else. He ran away, and never stopped running, fearing that he was being chased, and would be dragged back to that life he didn't want. He traveled far and wide, eventually married another traveler, and his descendants also traveled. They went everywhere; deep into Africa, to the farthest reaches of Asia, into India, and all through the Mediterranean. They married in those areas, and their descendants also took to exploring the world. And their descendants, and theirs, reaching Australia, and South, Central, and North America, each generation eventually leaving the place and people they were born into, and settling down somewhere far away. Each generation having the influence of the Tesseract in their background, and never knowing it.

And so, your grandmother left her family in the Yukon, and moved far to the south, gave birth to a son who travels endlessly for a living, and gave rise to you; the first in generations to access the power of your far-flung ancestor.

My darling.” He kissed the top of your head. “My darling, we were always meant to meet.”

He took your marked hand in his, pressing the runes together briefly, only long enough to trigger the buzz. “We were always meant to be connected.”

“So, my ancestors were from Scandinavia?” You asked, caught up in his story.

“They were from everywhere, potentially.” He answered. “Stephen followed all of them on their journeys, but he did not tell me exactly which branch led to you. He did find out where your grandmother came from, and that you have many, many distant relations, all over the planet. All ultimately descended from this one man.”

“Wow. I...it goes so far back. And all because your dad left a shiny thing behind, and of course humans loved it.”

“You are the result of devout worship, and of a galactic force older than existence itself. So unique, my little space sorceress. My precious Seidkona.”

“Loki...” You leaned into him, drawn to is earnest gaze. Was this what he meant when he had said that the Norns supposedly wove peoples lives like threads? Had all these relatives down the line spread out across the tapestry, bringing your thread close to his, until they twined together?

As your lips met, you hoped that those threads would not separate, but stay wrapped around each other indefinitely, creating a beautiful new color together.

[the-canary]

Good Intentions - B.B (3)

Summary: What if everyone knew except the two of you? Accepting it might be the hardest thing of all though. (Reader/Biker!Bucky Barnes) 

Prompt: Biker AU! + @polaroid-idiocity ‘s biker!bucky and mechanic!reader request.

A/N: this is for @sgtbucketbarnes ‘s writing challenge.

Here's the thing though, as much as you try to make a difference in life -- there is always something darker that might take its place, a truth that people can't or even refuse to answer. It had happened to Bucky once or maybe twice in life, and they were choices that he had to live with.

"The girl or your life, Jones. If that's even your real name."

Jones --serious and blue-eyed-- looks at Rumlow with his gun straight between his eyes. The girls are scared and huddled in the corner as the fire gets closer and closer to them. Brown eyes flicker to meet Jones' blue ones, but before anything can be done by the two -- there is a pop and crack It leads to Jones falling over as he hears Rumlow laugh.

"You should've left when I told you," a female voice remarks from behind and Jones can only curse before blacking out completely.

Maybe, this is what Bucky gets for placing his emotions on the line.  

You wake up half an hour later to the sound of more active beeping coming from the heart monitor and the sight of Bucky --or was it better to call him James?-- talking with the nurse. The man had always been a charmer and even now you could tell that the nurse seemed to like the attention he was giving her and for some reason -like she was the one coming in this past week to watch over him-- that sent a chill down your spine. So, without another word, you get up and the noise of the chair scraping over the linoleum floor is enough to grab their attention.

However, you don't address either of them as you get your phone out of your pocket and try to call someone, anyone to help you with what comes after this.

The nurse blinks before letting an awkward laugh, clearly thinking she had gotten caught, as her eyes turn from looking at Bucky to the door then back than him. However, Bucky is only staring at the door with an almost pained expression.

"Your girlfriend is a sweet thing," the nurse exclaims as she goes back to making sure that everything is in order, "She's been here every day, checking up on you."

"I see," is Bucky manages to say before the nurse leaves the room.

Unsure of what to do next, Bucky just sits there and takes in the room. He had tried to after waking up, but the nurse and doctor had quickly come in afterwards to check up on him --they probably knew who he was connected to-- and though there were still major wounds that needed healing he was in relatively good health after waking up.

He takes in that there are a duffel bag and a smaller purse where you were sitting with papers and notebooks stewed about. Bucky can't help but wonder what you've been doing since the last he had seen you, since before he went underground. There had been so much time lost and choices made, though Bucky didn't regret anything -- it was all for the better good.

But the nurse was right, you had been here the whole time and Bucky wasn't sure exactly how to feel about that or even what to say when you came back.

"He woke up," you exclaim on the phone near the bathroom, "What am I supposed to do?"

"I'll call the Captain," Steve remarks and you're all but confused over his statement, "Everything will get sorted out soon."

"That's great and all," you sigh out, "But, what am I supposed to do, Steve?"

"Talk to him," Steve replies like it's the easiest thing in the world like you haven't ignored each other for years, "Get to know who he is now."

He hangs up, forgetting that the only present Bucky you now is a potential drug maker and future convicted felon.

It takes you longer than it should get back to his room as you end up wasting time by walking up and down corridors and fighting with yourself over what you wanted to snack on from the cafeteria two floors down. You aren't delaying the inevitable, but at the same time, you are.

What if this had all been a mistake? What if he didn't want to see you, much less interact with now? Who was Bucky Barnes now anyways?

There were so many questions looming in your head and after getting even more snacks from the vending machine down the hall, you end up in the same place all over again -- Room 301A. The light is streaming down beneath the door and you take a deep breath and open the door with arms full of candy and junk food -- at least they can help to keep your mouth shut when need be.

However, you don't expect electricity to strike you when blue eyes meet yours, to be frozen still by a simple glance and a hitch of breath. It's then you realize that sleeping Bucky looks completely different from awake Bucky and the years add more to that realization. There are crinkles and lines over his eyes with a bit of grey on the short beard he has managed to grow. There's a seriousness to him that you aren't used to because Bucky you knew was always smiles and laughs and this one was looked as if he was trying to analyzing you.

Though you were sure, it looked like you were doing the same.

"Glad you see you're awake," you admit because you had been dreading that he was never going to since you got that 3am call, "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got run over by a burnin' bus," he groans and sits up as you move the chair a bit closer to his bed and take a seat, "How have you been, jellybean?"

You freeze for a second at the familiar nickname and notice that he is looking at the all-too-familiar bag that is strayed about among all the rest of the candies. You can't help but let out a laugh at the memory from that one Halloween -- fighting for said candies and Almond Joys until you were too sick to move.

"Not stressing' now that you're awake, idiot," you let out with a shrug, hoping that your voice doesn't crack at the end as Bucky gives you a weary smile, "I got a call from Steve saying that a Cap should be heading soon."

His jaw tightens and he nods, "That's good to know."

This was a lot easier than you thought it would be, but maybe it came with pretending that he was still someone you knew and that your time with him was limited -- that soon he might be taken away and locked up and you would likely never see him again. Maybe, you were living a fool's dream or just too damn naive, but you wanted to spend time with Bucky --whatever version was in front of you now-- as much as possible.

"Kit Kat? Mars Bars?" you asks while raising some bags to his eyesight and thus so he can stop staring at you. He leans in and ends up taking a Mr.Good Bar instead, which causes you to give him a questioning glance because you don't remember him liking it in the past -- however, you let it go for now.

"So, what do ya do?" he asks while ripping the bag and popping a piece of chocolate into his perfect mouth. You try to ignore it and move forward with the questioning, only slightly worried about whether a hospital patient should be indulging in candy or not.

"I work as a mechanical engineer at Stark Industries," you explain while taking another piece of candy into your mouth as blue eyes widen and Bucky whistles in surprise.

"Damn, that's pretty impressive," he answers back and for a second you're between asking the same question and dropping it altogether. Yes, the years have passed you by, but what good was bringing them all up in the end when you were sure he was going to just leave all over again -- it was better to live in the moment, no?

(A much younger Bucky had told you to always live in the present, after watching a bit too much Top Gun.)  

"Is that what you're workin' on?" Bucky asks, dragging you out of thoughts and perpetual frown, as you turn to look at what he is pointing at -- the folded blueprint underneath a novel to you were slowly making your way through since last month and some balled up post-it notes.

"Yup," you nod and look at him. Blue eyes gleaming with excitement, "Do you wanna see it?"

"Really?" Bucky perks up considerably as you nod, "Nothing top secret, right?"

"Not at all," you answer back in an obvious lie but at the thought of that Bucky who spent too much time with the robotics team and could score the winning goal for the team and ace that dreaded maths test all in one Friday -- and well, you didn't mind getting Tony mad a little later.

"Sure!" Bucky grin, as you get up and grab the paper only to unfold it on his lap. And at that moment with his bright blue eyes glow in excitement underneath the low lighting of the room -- you knew he understands what you were trying to tinker with.

Bucky always understood, even when you didn't want to talk. He could tell how you felt in second even when you were hiding behind books and tinkering in his dad's garage. So, why couldn't he ever tell that you were--

"And what's this for?" his voice brings you back out of your thoughts, like it always had, as his patched up fingers point to a certain corner of the design.

"Well, that's---"

And it's almost like old times, as Bucky finds himself sneaking glances at your smile as you explain things and you lean a bit more into his shoulder than you really should. The night passes on like that until you fall asleep on the chair unsure of what will happen to Bucky once morning arrives.    

[thedivinedemom]

This has literally been in my wallet for a few days waiting for me to transcribe it. It's not great but hopefully it'll kick off my writing habit again.

Working title: Blue Eyes

As strange as it may have seemed Steve had never been upstate. Not really. Albany, sure. There and every other State capital and major city of his day.

Shipped cross country, from city to city, to be paraded about like some circus chimp to sell warnings. Never allowed to explore the cities outside the theaters.  Not without an appointment and full escort at least. He was the "property of the United States government" after all. They could not risk losing such a valuable asset because he wanted to go sightseeing. Much less taking a look outside them.

Sealed away in a train car, rushing to show after show, he rarely had the chance to take in the countryside. To enjoy the greenery or the scenery. He could honestly say that he had seen more of France and Germany then he had his own country.

Easing his bike down the turnpike he found that the early afternoon made the roads deceptively quiet. There were only a handful of vehicles out at the hour, mostly big rigs, and it gave an almost serene feeling to the drive. The silence of it gobbled up and ate away at the muffled roar of his engine. Though not enough to avoid startling some poor deer as he rode past. A chuckle bubbled out of Steve at that. How long had it been since he had last seen a deer? Decades? It all  depended on how one counted the years.

Making his way down an exit he caught the first glimpse of his destination. The greenhouses of the Gardens were gleaming in the sunlight. A series of crystal heels arranged across a thick pasture. A small field surrounded the buildings, filled with apple orchards and raspberry bushes.

Beautiful, likely to be more so on the inside. The Gardens were home to a number of rare, exotic, and even mutated plants from across the globe. Tony claimed that the Fantastic Four had donated a few of their more benign experiments to the facility. Sparking the interests of more than just Steve.

Locking his helmet away in his bike's compartment he walked in, his either art bag strapped tight to his back. The lobby was as fancy and sophisticated as one would imagine; filled sleek plastic, flat screens, and linoleum tiles. Even the ticket booth was digital.

Everything seemed to be electric nowadays. It was helpful, amazingly so. There should be ballads written about the wonders of the internet. Yet it was all so different. He was in the same country but it had a different feel to it. Like a teen who was growing into a man. Still going through the growing pains but becoming all the finer from it.

But Steve could barely recognize the land he was born in. Everyone spoke differently, they dressed differently, and there was even a change in the way they walked. It was all so radically different and Steve couldn't be prouder, for the most part.

Easing himself passed the ticket booth he found himself in the middle of a controlled jungle. Thick bushes of deep and vivid color lined the paths. Leading people deeper into the greenhouse filled with tropical flowers and temperate trees. How both could be in the same room he hadn't a clue, another wonder of the future surely, but it was all wonderfully arranged.

Casting his eyes about he looked.forma place to set up. A task easier said than done as what few benches he could see were occupied, taken before he had even arrived. He had hoped by coming in the middle of the week he would have avoided the crowds. A vein wish as it turned out to be.

After a moment, once his eyes finished their second lap of the area, he decided to change his plans. With how crowded things were he would not be able to sketch out the Gardens section by section as he planned. Instead he would have to treat it as a puzzle, taking it one area at a time as.he worked for the full image.

Up along the path he finally found a place to sit, deeper than he would have liked but he had to start somewhere. He did not fancy drawing standing up, he could do it but it would be annoying. The first bench he found put him firmly in the 'Mutated' section. It was an area filled with genetic anomalies ranging from crossbreeds to lab experiments to ability generated. The plant in front of him, according to its placard, was of the last category. The ever shifting colors of the petal was a fairly large hint for that.

Steve would have preferred to have started with something a little more mundane. Something familiar and simple that he could have warmed up on. Something that did not sway on its own or tangle its vines along anything within reach. It would be a challenge, especially so early into his day, but as with most challenges he jumped in feet first.

Eyeing the plant he began. Carefully he started with an outline of the stem. He made it sway on the page, letting it curve in three separate places before moving onto the creeping vines. These he only gave the vaguest of outlines, a matter to fill in later. Once the focus of his drawing was done.

Being as engaged as he was with his work he barely noticed someone approaching his bench. She took a seat without so much as a word, sipping at her coffee as Steve gave her a quick glance.

Lacking for better words Steve could only describe the woman beautiful. To do more would have left his tongue tied and his face red. It was a sensation he was intimately familiar with from his youth, not something he wanted to experience again. Still, he took a second look.

Amused, she caught him staring. Her blue eyes dancing as they met his own. She gave him a small indulgent smile and an inclination of her chin worthy of a queen. And Steve would know, he had met more than a few members of royalty in his time. She even gestured like one, giving a grand arch of her arm as she waved towards the plant he was sketching.

"Cassandra, one of my students, made this." She said, her voice accented and her smile more genuine. "She is very proud."

Keeping his head on his shoulders Steve managed to smile back. "She's not the only one who sounds proud."

Letting out a laugh she nodded. "I suppose. She worked very hard to get the colors just so. All semester in fact. She would be happy to know someone drove all the way to the Gardens to sketch them." She said, her accent twisted through her words and niggled at his brain. It was familiar to him. The curve of her words struck a chord in his memory. The way her vowels weaved away from her words in incriminates and popped away was throwing him off. He knew he had heard it before, and he did have an ear for these things, but he just could not place it.

"If you want she can have this when it's done." He offered, tilting the half finished sketch towards her. "It would just be gathering dust in my portfolio anyway."

"Very well." She said after a moment and a long searching look. "I think she would enjoy that." She paused for a moment longer. "Would you mind if I waited here until it is done? If it wouldn't be a bother."

Eyeballing his drawing Steve gave it another ten to fifteen minutes until he was finished, more or less. It wouldn't be his best work, not when it was his first sketch of the day, but it would still be up to his usual quality. Which he would modestly admit was exceptional.

So, Steve nodded his head. "It shouldn't take too long, Miss -"

"Monroe." She introduced, offering him another smile. This one was bright and full of genuine warmth, unlike her first smile. "But please, call me Ororo. Hearing Miss Munroe makes me think I'm back at the Institute."

"Ah, " he said, finally realizing how.rude.he was being. Once he wiped it free of pencil smudges he offered her his hand to shake. "Steve, please. It's a pleasure to meet you. Though if you don't mind me asking, where are you from? I can't seem to place your accent."

Taking his hand she gave him a firm shake, little callouses scraping against his palm as she pulled away. "I'm not surprised. I had a… diverse childhood. Though I am fairly certain my accent is some combination of Manhattan, Cario, and rural Kenya." Her tone lost some of its warmth, her voice worn as she answered. Likely because she answered that question in some form a thousand times before.

Though Steve barely noticed this. Instead, he felt a pang of excitement as things clicked into place. "<Ah! I knew your accent sounded familiar! The Manhattan in your consonants must have been what threw me off but I can hear it now.>"

Eyes wide Ororo leaned in, her voice excited as she asked, "<You can speak Arabic?>"

"<Roughly>," he said, shifting in his seat. "<I spent a few months in Egypt on my tour and some of the locals taught me. I'm sure my grammar is horrible. My French and German is much better but my Cantonese is barely passable.>"

Though Steve was fairly sure his grammatical and structural errors were more due to the lingual shift of the better part of a century passing by. He had a few missteps in his first months after the thaw with English. Steve could not imagine his secondary languages faired any better.

Ororo, unaware of his thoughts, simply nodded his head. Completely agreeing with his assessment. "<A few words do seem off. Perhaps they taught you a different dialect? You are speaking very well." She paused here, considering him for a long moment. Longer than before, as if she was only then getting the full picture of him. "<If you would like we could practice your language skills while we are here. Walk around the Gardens, perhaps a bite to eat. It has been so long since I've spoken Arabic with someone."

"Ororo, " He said, enjoying the feel of her name, "<It would be my genuine pleasure.>"

An:

Again, not happy with it. I've been reading a lot of high/sword & sorcery fantasy lately and I think it has an effect on my prose. I'm likely to just redo the entire snip.

I honestly like the pairing of Ororo and Steve, largely because they have each have been called the 'perfect person' as well as being strong leaders in their own rights even if they have different styles. Plus I can see them bonding over nature and trying things neither are familiar with, as well as her constantly making him blush (see swimsuits of the 1940s and compare to Storm's preferred swimwear).

And yes, I like the idea of neither putting two and two together for a while. Adds spice/grounds the relationship. Part of my handmade is that while Steve has worked with the XMen before the was the Original 5 and he hasn't met the new team yet. For Ororo Steve wasn't part of her history books besides a brief mention before the earthquake happened, and Steve is a common white boy name.

Oh, and before I forget, the first letter of every paragraph. Donate to your preferred cause.

[winters-orbit]

My Thoughts on Endgame: A Very Spoiler-Heavy Review

Yeah we’re talking about pretty much all of it, so buckle up.

Alright y’all, here we go. I saw endgame yesterday, and I think I’ve finally compiled all of my thoughts. So a couple things before I start.

1.      There will be VERY heavy spoilers, like, so many. I have tagged this post with every tag I can figure out about spoilers, and I’m starting this post with stating it. If you have not seen the movie and don’t want spoilers, please do not read this post. I feel I have warned you sufficiently, so don’t get mad at me.

2.      This is going to be a really LONG and in depth post. I apologize, but I need to talk about this.

3.      If I refer to the people making the movie, I am talking about both the Russo’s and Markus & McFeely. I feel that all four of them were involved enough to lump them altogether.

4.      This is likely not going to be a super positive post, so know that.

5.      I may have a few controversial opinions. I’m not here to attack anyone’s opinions personally. These are just mine. I’m totally willing to have a civil discussion about stuff.

Now that we know where we all are. I’m gonna start off with what I thought were the positives.

·        Steve wielding Mjolnir. HOLY SHIT. I think that is literally my new favorite shot in the MCU. Steve standing there with the Hammer and his shield honestly took my comic loving ass’s breath away.

·        A bit of an extension of that last point, but the wide shot of Steve standing there alone, facing all of Thanos and his army? Hot damn? That was such a beautiful shot.

·        Most of the movie before the five years later was what I’m going to sum up as ‘pretty good’, i.e. I don’t have too many complaints.

·        “That is America’s Ass” (do I need to explain this one?)

·        Natasha basically holding everything together for 5 years, just trying to hold herself together when Steve walks in? Wow, break my heart why don’t you.

·        AVENGERS….assemble.

·        Falcon saying on your left

·        Strange looking at Tony before the end and slowly holding up one finger.

·        Scott’s breakdown and frantically looking for Cassie’s name on the memorial (Like, shout out to Paul Rudd’s acting there, cause damn I felt that)

·        Captain Marvel (and here’s where we get controversial kids) was in the movie very minimally

Look, I’m sure there’s some other good stuff that I’m just not remembering. But that’s the stuff that really stuck out to me.

OHHHHHHKAY, deep breath because here we go. I want to start off talking about tone. For me, it was all over the place. Phase 3 as a whole in the MCU has been really tonally off for me. I know this is not a common opinion, because everyone I saw this movie with had the humor really land for them. Still, for me I felt the humor was really off. It always feels jarring to me when they juxtapose death with a joke.

Now that we’ve gotten tone out of the way. Let me go through by characters. Because this movie really suffered as far as characterization and plot. So let’s talk characters first.

Tony:

Gotta really preface this one. I have never really liked Tony as a character. So take everything I say with that in mind. This is going to sound biased.

So- three big things for me as far as Tony.

1.      It REALLY bothers me that Tony would just fuck off for five years. (Look this one is really biased, I can acknowledge that) After being the one to always be about winning no matter what, Pepper even says something along the lines of would you be able to live with yourself? So the idea of him just leaving and not helping even remotely rubs me the wrong way. And apparently all it took was seeing a picture of Peter to change his mind? Idk not sold.

a.      This didn’t really fit anywhere else but I wanted to touch on it because it bothered me. But WHAT THE FRESH FUCK do you mean by reverse the Mobius strip. WHAT. The WHOLE point of a Mobius strip is that there is only ONE side. (Like I know this doesn’t matter literally at all but hot damn does it fire me up for no reason)

2.      Tony & Howard. Let’s discuss. I’m honestly really confused what they (see preface #3) were going for with this interaction. The way I always read the relationship was that Howard was very neglectful and emotionally manipulative. The MCU has never given me the impression that the two had a good relationship. So, what was this interaction supposed to be? Was it supposed to be closure? Idk I have a hard time figuring this scene. If you have thoughts on this one let me know.

3.      Alright, Tony doing the final snap. We gotta talk. I know this was more of an MCU thing. Like I get that Tony started the MCU so it fits that he would be the one to end this arc. But I am just personally really mad that I don’t think Nebula got the closure she deserved as a character. I guess you could argue that killing her ‘alternate timeline’ (oh don’t worry, we’ll get to that) self is ‘closure’ but she didn’t even get to try and fight Thanos. After everything he did to her, and after killing Gamora, I felt she deserved something. Basically, Tony performing the snap made no sense in context of character arc (like everything in this damn movie), and it should’ve been someone else.

a.      I’m not sure how I feel about Tony dying. Not sure it worked for his arc but I’m sort of happy that this will be a moving on for the MCU.

Steve:

I wish I could articulate through text the incredibly deep and long sigh that I just gave. Steve they did you dirty.

You know what we’re talking about, but let me say it anyway with a couple Fuck’s just to let me vent. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE ENDING. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN. HOW THE FUCK DID THEY THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. WHY THE FUCK DID THEY RUIN HIM LIKE THAT.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that I’ve gotten that out of the way. Let’s talk about this a little more calmly. I’m so disappointed. I feel like everyone else has done this in more detail and since I’ve already be working on this for like an hour, I’m going to try and summarize this.

Steve’s entire arc was about moving on from whatever bad things have happened in the past and still being a good person.  It’s about learning how finding new people and having new experiences can help you grow from whatever has happened to you in the past. It is so incredibly frustrating to watch them throw that away. Peggy and Steve never dated, at least as far as what the MCU showed us. Peggy died, she had a good fulfilling life. She moved on. She tells Steve later that she has no regrets about her life, only that he didn’t get to live his.

Beyond that what about Bucky, Sam, Natasha, even Fury and Tony, and the rest of the Avengers. So he just threw all of those relationships away?

Side tangent. Bucky should’ve been the new Cap. Don’t get me wrong, Sam Wilson is incredible and I think he’ll be great. But damn they did Bucky just as dirty. I think it makes more sense to have Bucky be the new Cap. Bucky is also a super soldier. He has a form of serum and could actually do what Steve did. Sam is not a super soldier (as far as the MCU) and he, while still an incredible fighter, just isn’t as powerful as Steve was.

Anyway, I’m bitter, I’m mad, and I’m so incredibly disappointed that this is the message they went for as Steve’s farewell to the MCU.

Thor

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. What did they (I’m including Hemsworth this time too) do to you Thor. I feel like I must preface that I did not like Ragnorok. However I did think that the character arc they had for Thor was good.

Two major things:

1.      We gotta talk about the weight. This is another thing where I just don’t get where they were going with it. They have completely destroyed whatever character the MCU was trying to build. Why has the fucking GOD OF THUNDER been reduced to a constant punchline? Wow.

a.      Also yeah, we also gotta touch on Fornite. Fucking yikes Marvel. That is not going to age well. This is just super cringe worthy and another one of those tone issues I was talking about.  

2.      He left Asgard?????? The Fuck? After everything that’s happened he’s just going to dick around with the guardians?

a.      Don’t get me wrong Val is going to kick ass

b.      Also let me tell you, I am not looking forward to Thor being in guardians 3. I literally cannot stand the interactions between Peter Quill and Thor and I am dreading the next guardians now.

Other people have definitely gone into further depth when it comes to Thor so I feel like it’s been covered.

Bruce

I don’t like it, I don’t have a solution, but I don’t like it.

Natasha

Damn I feel like a broken record, but Nat they did you dirty. She did not deserve to die. Like I said in the positives section, she literally held the Avengers together for FIVE years when it was very clear that Tony and Bruce had fucked off and Steve was busy helping individuals. I think she was pretty damn redeemed. Like shit the whole series is her trusting people and finding a family in the Avengers.

Clint

Aight so let’s get it out there. Clint is one of my favorite characters of ALL time. Yeah I’m biased. I will never deny that. I have been bitching since 2012 that the MCU has destroyed Clint. This movie is no exception. I’m kinda just talking about the whole soul stone scene here. As soon as I saw that it was Clint and Nat going to Voromir, I knew Nat was dying. I literally gasped in the theatre and covered my mouth as I quietly chanted no no no no no. My friend sitting next to me didn’t get it but I wasn’t about to tell him. Both of them deserved so much better and yes I’m hardcore Clintasha and have been since 2012. So them fighting over who was going to sacrifice themself absolutely destroyed me.

So thanks Marvel, I hate it.

That’s the O6. I don’t have major thoughts on every secondary character, but I do on one.

Scott

Hot damn, this is really personally to me. But why is Scott always portrayed as an idiot, the butt of a joke. The man literally has a MASTERS IN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING. As someone who is about to get an undergraduate degree in mechanical engineering this really pisses me off. Just because he doesn’t understand quantum mechanics he’s treated like a joke. AGHHAHGHAGHAGH

Alright folks let’s do it. Let’s talk plot.

I’m of the opinion that time travel is never good for a series. It opens to many doors and makes to many confusing problems.

I cannot stand how they’ve defined the rules of time travel in this. They actually just made it a get out of jail free card and then they broke them anyway? I’m honestly just tired and confused at this point.

What happened to Loki when he disappeared with the space stone? How did Thanos come to a future where he was already dead when the Doctor Strange movie implied you can’t travel past your death?

Why were we denied seeing everyone snap back into existence? You really denied us all those reunions. So much of the movie was slow and quiet, why couldn’t that have been too.

How the fuck did none of them die when Thanos blew up Avengers headquarters?

What are the implications of all the timelines they created (oh wait the movie decided that all established movie time travel rules are dumb because we want to write without concern)? A 2012 where Steve knows about Bucky but Hydra thinks he’s on their side? What did Hank Pym do when he found out a bunch of his particles were taken? Was Howard different as a father because of a talk he had with that same son? How the fuck are Peter and all his friends still the same age?

Marvel you simply cannot do shit like this. You can’t throw out established rules simply because your story wouldn’t work without changing them. NEWS FLASH that means your story is shitty. Get better at writing or don’t use time travel. You can’t ignore stuff like butterfly effect. Or simply disregard changing your own past. You can’t just say ‘alternate timeline’ and solve it. Are you opening up the MCU to the multiverse? Or is this just a contrivance for your plot to work.

In conclusion TL:DR there was a good movie in here somewhere. But the plot was so riddle with holes and mistakes. They threw out character in favor of fan service. All of the years of work that was put in to build these characters is now out the window. I hope you’re happy Marvel.

Agree with me? Cool. Don’t Agree? Cool. I’m glad some people actually like the movie. Is this everything I wanted to say? No, I’m probably forgetting something. But here’s a lot of how I felt.

[blankasolun]

It is the 10th anniversary of Ronnie James Dio’s death today so I am posting this article from Metal Hammer. Expect more Ronnie related articles next week.

Ronnie James Dio: A Life In Metal

By Malcolm Dome (Metal Hammer) March 03, 2014

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In 2014, Metal Hammer celebrated the released of tribute album Dio: This Is Your Life by looking back at the man’s inspirational career

Ronnie James Dio is more than an icon. He is among the most articulate and exhaustive representatives the metal community has ever had. See, even now, some four years after his death, you still think of the man in the present tense. A measure of his continuing impact.

“If you wanted to introduce aliens to what metal stands for, then you’d pick Ronnie as the man to convince them it’s got a lot going for it,” said the late Deep Purple keyboard master Jon Lord. And it’s hard to argue with that sentiment.

Born in New Hampshire to parents of Italian descent, Ronald Padavona listened to a lot of opera when growing up, but it was in 1957 that he got the rock’n’roll bug and formed his first band, the Vegas Kings. He was a bassist at the time, but quickly switched to vocals, as he strived to find the right style to suit his voice.

His first official single, with the band that started to make his name, The Red Caps, was released in 1958. Titled Conquest, it arrived at a time when Elvis Presley, Dean Martin and Chuck Berry still ruled the charts.

“I got into rock’n’roll through the radio,” Dio would recall in 1988. “It was an escape from reality, but like so many others, it inspired me to try my luck in a band.”

By 1960, he’d changed his name to Ronnie Dio – allegedly inspired by the Italian-American gangster Johnny Dio – but despite releasing a succession of singles under different band names, nothing appeared to be working for the young singer.

“I always knew something was wrong,” he later admitted. “But when Elf arrived, I found my home in heavy music.”

Originally formed as The Electric Elves in 1967, the band became Elf in 1972 when they released their first album. Self-titled, it was produced by Deep Purple bassist Roger Glover, and drummer Ian Paice, and kickstarted Dio’s journey into heavy metal history.

“You knew that while the band were good, it was Ronnie who was outstanding,” Roger recalled with admiration years later. “Elf were doing a lot of touring opening up for Deep Purple in the States, and they were getting bigger. It appeared this lot would be the next big thing out of America.”

Sadly, that wasn’t to be the case; they recorded just two more albums, including the celebrated 1975 Trying To Burn The Sun, before Ritchie Blackmore took a major hand in the future of Dio’s career.

“We were on tour, when on a day off Ritchie’s guitar tech knocked on my hotel room door,” recalled Dio. “He said the man would like me to sing on a track he was gonna record away from Purple.”

The song in question was Black Sheep Of The Family, a cover version that Ritchie had failed to convince the rest of Purple to go along with. But what was intended as a one-off session with Dio and the rest of Elf (inevitably minus guitarist Steve Edwards) would ultimately turn into Rainbow. There was an obvious magic here from the start. Dio and Ritchie, together with a revolving cast of huge talents, worked on three studio albums and one live release. And it was 1976’s Rising, the band’s second offering, that proved the first of a number of true classics to feature the great vocalist’s name.

“I knew we had something special at the time,”

Dio said 10 years later. “But did I know it would stand up? You hoped that would be the case, however you can only see this retrospectively. I’m grateful so many people rate the album.”

However, Ritchie Blackmore’s steady drift towards a more commercial approach was at odds with Dio’s own penchant for a more romantic, gothic style of lyrical imagery.

“I love writing about fantasy,” Dio mused. “To me, this reflects the epic quality of our music. While there is a place for realism, it doesn’t allow me as much scope for allegory as I can get through my accepted style.”

Things came to a head after the recording of 1978’s Long Live Rock ’N’ Roll album. Itself successful, this only fuelled Ritchie’s desire to streamline the band.

“We just agreed to differ,” Dio remembers, while keyboard player Don Airey (who had just been brought into the lineup) has a vivid memory of his first day in rehearsal:

“I walked in as Ronnie was walking out. When I asked what had happened, I was told ‘He’s just quit the band.’ I was so looking forward to working with him, but it wasn’t to be.”

Over the subsequent years, Dio remained diplomatic about his relationship with the guitarist who gave him his big break:

“I have nothing but the highest respect for him, and if the chance came to work with Ritchie again,then I’d be delighted. My door is always open.”

The end of his tenure with Rainbow brought a fresh challenge for Ronnie Dio, who had now firmly established himself as one of the great singers on the heavy rock scene. Black Sabbath were floundering after firing Ozzy, but a chance meeting with Tony Iommi in late 1979 at the conveniently named Rainbow Bar And Grill in West Hollywood altered Ronnie’s life. He was asked to join Sabbath. And we all know what followed.

“None of us had any money,” Dio said of those early Sabbath days. “But what we did have was a real belief. I know what I can do, and was convinced I could help to take Sabbath in a different direction. The other guys were on the same wavelength.”

“We wrote Children Of The Sea on the first day, and it flowed from there,” laughed a still-amazed Tony several years later. “Ronnie was exactly what we needed.”

Heaven And Hell was released in 1980 and has since become, quite rightly, regarded as amongst the greatest metal albums of all time. A year later, the heavier Mob Rules proved this was no flash in the pan. By this time, Dio had made another bit of metal history by trademarking the devil’s horns gesture, which has since become the signature sign of metalheads across generations.

“Ozzy used the peace sign, so I wanted something different,” recalled Dio. “I remember my grandmother used this sign to ward off evil; I thought it would work in the context of Sabbath. But I had no idea it would catch on.”

But, following the release of Live Evil in 82, Dio left the band because of interminable arguments appearing during certain production cycles.“It was a misunderstanding,” Tony has said since.

“The studio engineer was telling us that Ronnie would come in and turn up his vocals when we weren’t there. And he told Ronnie that Geezer Butler and I were turning up our instruments in his absence. The result was confusion and anger.”

“I got a call from Geezer, who told me I was sacked,” admitted Dio. “But in a way that was so positive, because it meant I was free at last to do things my way.”

However, the new band was starting from ground zero, as Dio revealed later on.

“I wasn’t even thinking about doing anything outside of Black Sabbath, until I got the call from Geezer,” revealed Ronnie. “I certainly wasn’t holding back any songs from the band, that’s not my way. So, when Vinny Appice [drums] and I got together, I quickly wrote two songs – Holy Diver and Don’t Talk To Strangers.”

Not a bad start. With bassist Jimmy Bain and then unknown guitarist Vivian Campbell completing the line-up, the band took the name of Dio.

“It wasn’t an ego thing on my part,” insisted the frontman. “I had a certain reputation, and it just made sense.”

Holy Diver came out in 1983 and made a huge impact in the UK and the States, where Dio’s stature with Rainbow and Sabbath stood him in good stead. This was the third iconic album he had blessed in a mere smattering of years, and his reputation grew steadily as 1984’s The Last In Line and 85’s Sacred Heart cemented Dio’s place as one of the elite hard rock bands on the planet. Ronnie even found time to put together the Hear ’n Aid project to raise funds through the metal community for the starving in Africa. While such endeavours were testament to the man’s character, it was his band that remained his chief focus over the following decade or so, with Dio’s lineup shifting a few times to keep the band’s creative output fresh and interesting.

In 1992, Dio returned to the Sabbath fold for the Dehumanizer album, as the band showed they had the rigour and vision to update their sound without losing their innate place in history. However, while the album was well-received, Dio’s reunion with his Sabbath chums came crashing down when the band agreed to support Ozzy at the Costa Mesa Amphitheater in California later the same year.

“I have no problem with Ozzy,” Dio remarked at the time. “But I just feel that it’s beneath a band of this stature to support their former singer. It shows a lack of self-respect, and I wouldn’t be part of this.”

Sabbath did the set with Rob Halford on vocals, and the reunion was back in the dumper. As for Dio, he returned to his own band, putting together a new line-up which was altogether more rooted in the realism of the era.

“It was a different Dio at that time,” insists keyboardist Scott Warren. “It was cool. And intense. It was the 1990s. Things had changed I remember thinking, ‘This is biker music.’”

“Every night, Ronnie would come up to each of us individually and say, ‘Have a good gig’,” sighs bassist Jeff Pilson. “That was the measure of the man. He cared about people, and wanted you to feel part of everything. I don’t think I have ever had so much fun working with anyone. Each night was a pleasure.”

Dio continued to enjoy a lengthy stint with his main band, with five studios albums released to generally positive acclaim between 1993-2004. After that, however, there was to be yet another twist in the tale, when Dio regrouped with Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler, together with Vinny Appice (who had been a part of the Dio-era Sabbath line-ups, as well as a crucial member of Dio’s solo band). They avoided any diplomatic fallout with the Ozzy camp by taking the name Heaven & Hell, touring to huge acclaim and releasing the album The Devil You Know in 2009 to overwhelmingly positive reviews. But it was all stopped in its tracks when Ronnie was diagnosed with stomach cancer in late 2009. Tragically, despite all the hopes and prayers around the world, Ronnie James Dio passed away on May 16, 2010. The tears and tributes to him at the High Voltage Festival two months later in London underlined what a massive loss he was to the metal community, and how much he was loved by hundreds of thousands of fans across generations and continents.

“Ronnie Dio can’t be replaced,” Anthrax’s Scott Ian said shortly after he died. “He was unique. As long as Ronnie’s music is played, he’ll be in our minds.”

Now, some of the greatest names in metal are paying homage to the man, and in doing so raising funds for the Stand Up & Shout Cancer Trust, set up in his memory. From Metallica to Anthrax, Motörhead to the Scorpions, and Halestorm to Killswitch Engage, there are a plethora of major metal mavens who’ve lent their considerable talents to make this album come to fruition. They perform songs from Rainbow, Black Sabbath and Dio, yet again emphasising the insurmountable debt we all owe this most treasured and unique of metal singers.

And while he may have been born in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, his heart was certainly won over by metal’s homeland.

“Ronnie loved the English way of life,” opined Tony Iommi in 2010 of the man’s penchant for his would-be adopted country. “He enjoyed a beer and a curry, and even took things so far as to have his house in LA built like a castle!”

Above all else, though, and as loved as he was across every country his music touched, Ronnie James Dio himself always knew his worth. “I never underestimate my talent,” he said during one of the last interviews he gave before his death. “But nor do I overestimate it. I believe if you get that balance right, then you’ll have a healthy perspective on your place in music.”

At the time, Dio hinted that he could see an end to his performing days, but not to his involvement in music. When it was suggested to him that he might retire if he dropped even a small distance from his exacting standards, even if nobody else could detect it, he responded:

“Maybe there is some truth in there. I would never like to be one of those singers who carries on long past the point at which they can deliver. It’s a shame when a legend is diminished, and while I would never put myself into the category of ‘legend’, I can’t ever see myself disappointing fans who have paid good money.

“But the one thing I will never lose is my love of music. I still enjoy coming across young talent, and helping to guide them if I can.”

The breadth and depth of the classic songs on Dio:This Is Your Life proves that, more than anything else, Ronnie Dio’s life is defined by the music he has left us. And that’s an enduring epitaph.

This was published in Metal Hammer issue 255.

ROCK ‘N ROLL CHILDREN

COREY TAYLOR

“I heard that they were putting together this tribute album and they were trying to get hold of me and I was like, ‘Dude, I have to be on that record!’. When it looked like it was going to be difficult to get either of my bands together to do it, I was just like, ‘Fuck it’ and I put a band together myself, just me and some of my buds. I was that desperate to be involved. I was lucky enough to meet Ronnie on a few occasions, in fact I can remember the first time… It was at an awards ceremony and we were both nominated for the best vocalist award, which, to me, was an honour just to be in the same category as him. He won and I was so stoked, then I was being interviewed later on and he walks in to say ‘Hi.’ If you watch the video you can see on my face I’m just totally awestruck by the guy. The thing that most impressed me about Ronnie onstage was that he just made it look so effortless, so natural. The Dio era was my favourite time of his because it’s when he stepped out on his own. He wasn’t a member of Rainbow or Sabbath, he was just Ronnie. The guy’s a legend.”

DORO

“I first saw Dio in 85 or 86. I didn’t meet him then, but it was the first time that I saw him. I went to his show somewhere in Germany, and we were standing on the sound desk, because I’m small! I tell you, I haven’t had this kind of experience before or after. I got chills, I couldn’t stand up, it was unbelievable. The sound blew me away, and really, I was so fascinated. I thought it was the greatest, most mindblowing thing I have ever seen. I was deeply, deeply impressed. I met Ronnie later on tour in 87 – he was playing pool, and we talked and he said, ‘We’re so happy you’re on tour with us. If there’s ever a problem, don’t go to the manager, don’t go to the tour manager, don’t go to my assistant. Just come straight to me.’ He was always very kind and lovely. We developed a great friendship.”

GLENN HUGHES

“Ronnie was a human being who had time for all people – those he worked with and his family. But more importantly, he devoted a lot of his aftershow time to his fans, and would listen to them tell their stories of how their lives had been touched by his work, and he never, ever forgot a fan’s name. He was an amazing one-of-a-kind artist, who gave his love and life and art to the heavy metal genre. I first met Ronnie in the fall of 1973, when he fronted his upstate New York Band, Elf. They were opening for my band at the time, Deep Purple. I remember being backstage when Elf started playing, and I heard this thunderous super-lung voice echoing around the arena, so I went onto the stage to see and hear what was calling me. I was immediately turned on to something, someone, who I had not heard before, and that was a thrill for me. He was a master at his craft and soon, before our eyes, he would become heavy metal’s greatest vocalist. Ronnie was so believable in his realm, singing of dragons, dark lords and distant oceans that carried us all away. We knew we were not alone, because Ronnie was our formidable rider in the eye of the sky, who would lead us back to our safe land. Ronnie, my brother, I want to thank you for all the hours, days and years that we spent together, and on behalf of your loving fans – we believed we’d catch the Rainbow… See you again, dear heart.”

WENDY DIO

“I’m so pleased with how this album came out, everyone involved has just been a pleasure to work with. I know Ronnie would have been so humbled and so proud with these incredible artists paying homage to him. When you have Metallica saying ‘We can’t pick one song – we have to do a medley of four!’… well, he’d have been honoured. I’ve so many wonderful memories of Ronnie, we had 30-plus years together and we were so happy. It’s hard to pick out one specific memory, but the early days when he was starting out was an exciting time and he was so happy to get back together with Sabbath and rebuild those bridges at the end of his life. That was fitting. I think people loved Ronnie because they could relate to him, he never changed, he stood for what he believed in and never wanted to let people down. He was always delighted to speak to his fans, as I said, he was a humble man, a genuine man. He always gave everything, even towards the end when he was suffering with these stomach pains, which he thought was just indigestion, he never gave less than everything he had. I just hope this album raises a lot of money for cancer research and carries on the memory of Ronnie and keeps his legacy alive.”

The 10th Anniversary of Ronnie’s Death It is the 10th anniversary of Ronnie James Dio’s death today so I am posting this…

[suckmycoxon]

Hi :) could you give me a little background on omd? I don't know anything of the band except for a few songs, so maybe you could say your knowledge of the band and the members?

OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THRILLED I AM TO DO THIS

Let’s get to the band members first!

Andy McCluskey

Here’s the bossy one. As he puts it, he’s the butcherwho cuts off the raw materials of the song; the director who basically tellsPaul what to do, the one who sees the big picture, while Paul is the surgeonwho splices the details. He sings, plays bass, and writes the lyrics for mostof their songs. And he always dances madly, even in the recent years! For a58-year old guy with bad knees, he’s VERY energetic. So as you can see, he’sthe dominant one. Powerful, loud, cheerful, salty as fuck, thoroughly hatesrock ‘n’ roll, claims he hates cliché love songs but writes them anyway. I lovehim nonetheless

Paul Humphreys

THIS IS MY FAVORITE GUY OFF OMD. MY LOVE. MY HANDSOMEHAMSTER. HE’S CUTE ISN’T HE? Alright, so… he’s the keyboardist, the creativeand technical one. He’s the one who usually comes up with a melody and thenAndy directs how the song should turn out. He’s the one who does most of thesynth sounds! In the old days, he used to build his own “noise machine” bymessing with the circuits and such of old, broken radios. Don’t tell me that’snot badass. He also sings in a couple of OMD’s songs, most notably in“Electricity”, “Souvenir”, “(Forever) Live and Die”, and “Secret”.Personality-wise, he’s the complete opposite of Andy. He’s more quiet, shy,soft, and just lovely overall 

Other members are MalcolmHolmes (the long-haired one in the picture above) who was the drummer from the beginning of the band until 2013. Inthat year, he had a cardiac arrest and temporarily died so he had to retire.From 2013 onwards, Stuart Kershaw tookthe drummer position. Another member is MartinCooper (the one with the blue shirt), the saxophonist/keyboardist/occasional bassist. He’s still with theband until now! Except when OMD broke up because he and Mal went along withPaul instead of Andy, but I’ll get to that later…

They embrace the “punk” attitude in terms of music. Youknow, making music as simple as possible. They always say this joke of “We’rethe punks of electronic. Punk plays with one chord, we play with one finger!”

Now, it’s history time. Let’s go back to the 70s

Andy and Paul had always been the hipsters of that era. Theylistened to electronic bands like Kraftwerk, Neu, La Dusseldorf (Kraftwerk,mostly) while their peers listened to prog rock. Andy was in a band and Paulwas the roadie. Despite always being in the same school, that was when theynoticed how they shared the similar interest towards Kraftwerk, so Andy quitthe band and formed his own with Paul that we now know as the pretentiouslynamed Orchestral Manoeuves in the Dark

They started off as a supporting band fo Joy Division inEric’s Club in Liverpool. They didn’t expect to have a longlasting career… theyreally thought it would be their first and last gig. They just wanted to provethemselves and their mates that they dared to go on stage doing somethingdifferent; doing weird electronic music, hence the odd band name. With such apretentious name, they wanted to show the audience how they were doingsomething different

And then they were offered a second gig in Manchester.That’s where they met Tony Wilson, and he signed them up to Factory Records.Then “Electricity” was recorded, and Tony sent it to various major labels, oneof which was Virgin Records, so they moved to Virgin. It was in 1979/1980 Ithink? And with their 1980 album, Organisation (their second one. Their firstone, the self-titled one, was released in the same year) – which they claim asbeing influenced by Joy Division, so this album is basically the child of JoyDivision and Kraftwerk – which included “Enola Gay”, they became well known.They got even bigger with the Architecture and Morality album, which has“Souvenir”, “Joan of Arc”, “Maid of Orleans”…

They commercially dropped dead with Dazzle Ships (1983). Itwas an experimental album, which I personally think sounds great, but probablynot acceptable enough at that time. Despite having quite successful hits like“Telegraph” and “Genetic Engineering”, that album almost single-handedly killedtheir career. So they took a safer path in their next album, Junk Culture(1984), embracing a more pop-ish sound. It can be heard on their catchy hitsfrom Junk Culture, like “Locomotion” and “Talking Loud and Clear”

Their 1985 album, Crush, was produced by Stephen Hague, whowas also the producer for New Order and Pet Shop Boys. They finally got intoUS’ charts with that album, I guess?? Regarding that album and that year, theyoften say something like “We were trying to break America, but America broke usinstead”, so I can’t be quite sure of what happened… commercially, it waspretty successful, I think… with singles like “Secret” and “La Femme Accident”

It was also in circa 1985 where their most notable song, “IfYou Leave”, was also made. Fun fact: they only wrote it in a day, because JohnHughes changed the ending suddenly and called them and said, “Hey, the song youwrote won’t fit to the new ending, could you write a new one?” right beforethey went on tour. The track that was initially going to be used in Pretty inPink, “Goddess of Love”, was later put on The Pacific Age (1986). Speaking ofwhich, that album has “(Forever) Live and Die”, which is a BANGER and is sungby my handsome hamster, Paul

Then they broke up sometime in late 80s. 1989, I think. Theyowed the company a lot of money, so they made a Best Of album. But even thatwasn’t enough. Their choice was either to make another new album (which canmake money, quite possibly, but due to their past experiences, they barely gotany money left because the touring expenses, royalties to their manager, etcwere so expensive) or to stop and just wait for the money to come from theirprevious albums’ royalties (I’m not really sure about this one, they’ve toldthe story a couple of times during interviews but I could never 100% understandthe story). This is where Andy and Paul went their separate ways. Andy chose tocarry on while Paul chose to stop. So Andy carried the name OMD alone (underhis stubbornness). A couple of years later, Paul, Martin, and Malcolm formedThe Listening Pool. Both were obscured by the new trend in 90s that was Britpopand such (Andy often implies that he blames Britpop for the obscurity ofelectronic bands and I loathe him for that smh I’m a Britpop hoe, fuck youAndy). Andy (as OMD) released 3 albums on that decade, tho. Later on, he formedAtomic Kitten

And then they were reunited in 2006/2007, because they wereasked to perform in a German TV. Then they thought, “Oh, people still like us.Maybe we could make music again.” And so they did… they released History ofModern in 2010, English Electric in 2013, and their latest record, ThePunishment of Luxury, was released a month ago! Unlike the 80s, they are nolonger pressured by their record company, so they’re really doing this purelyfor fun. By the way, their latest single off their latest record, “What Have WeDone”, is sung by Paul and it’s fucking glorious. You should listen to it ifyou haven’t

On a more personal note, I find it weird how they’re bothvery influential and infamous. I mean… they don’t only influence other synthpopbands, but also an alternative like Radiohead. I heard that “Fitter Happier” byRadiohead was influenced by “Genetic Engineering”, and now that I think aboutit, “Fitter Happier” does sound like something out of Dazzle Ships. I’ve been aRadiohead fan since 2011/2012 and yet I literally never heard of OMD until thisyear; not until I got to New Order and was getting more cultured regarding 80ssynthpop acts

Lastly, here are some trivia you might not want to know butsounds like fun to share:

Before realizing that they could be actual musicians, Andy wanted to be an archaeologist, while Paul wanted to be an electric engineer

Atomic Kitten was basically Karl Bartos’ (Kraftwerk) idea. Andy wanted to keep writing songs, but he wasn’t confident enough to perform the songs as OMD, so he thought of just handing them to someone else. Then Karl suggested that he should create a pop group where they would sing his songs. Andy thought, “What’s the most popular group nowadays? Oh, I know, 3-piece girls!”

In the recent years, OMD often have underwears thrown at them lmao. Especially during “(Forever) Live and Die”. Poor Paul having to deal with nasty fans (but honestly… I’d do the same). But sometimes they have hazardous shits thrown at them too. One time, Paul had his head hit by a glass bottle (I’LL FUCKING MURDER ANYONE WHO DID THAT. HOW DARE THEY HURT MY BABY). And Andy almost got decapitated when someone threw a metal tray aimed to his neck. Terrifying

Somehow, when they were touring, the bus they rode on resemble a group of terrorists’ bus, so they were surrounded by guns… and luckily, “Enola Gay” was already a big hit, so Andy just waved a magazine with their faces on it and said “’Enola Gay’! Pop stars! Not terrorists!” jesus Christ

There’s actually a version of “Souvenir” where it was sung by Andy. In 2015, Paul was hospitalized in New York, but he insisted that they should do this gig in Perth, so they did, only 3 of them… “Souvenir” was on the set, and Andy sang it. It was… okay, I guess. I’m so used to Paul’s soft voice singing that, so it’s kinda weird to hear Andy’s powerful voice singing it

 …I’m sorry if you expected a shortsummary and get this re-writing of OMD’s Wikipedia page instead. I never realizedhow deep I am in their ass until I answered this message with a 1600-word essayabout OMD that was based on my memory alone. Good god

I’m awfully thrilled every time someonementions OMD-related to me, so don’t hesitate if you want to talk about them tome!! <3

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Tony Castro on Future-Proof Superyacht Design

Tony Castro on Future-Proof Superyacht Design

With more intricately styled superyachts emerging than ever before, the designers of the yachting industry are facing an interesting challenge; turning ambitious demand into future-proof products. With this in mind, Tony Castro talks to us about the changing landscape of timeless design.

The idea of timeless design is a subjective one, but nonetheless built on a solid foundation of function over form. Tony Castro, a designer with tenure in the field of both design and engineering, offers his thoughts on the next ten years of design.

What does it take to draw future-proof designs in the 70 - 100-metre plus market?

To be future proof the designs cannot be too “fashionable” as fashion goes out of fashion. More importantly, they have to be designed in order to work well, to be maintained easily, to be operated safely and again easily. Rarely do we get to read the opinions of captain and crews about their yachts. They fear to lose their jobs so the truth about many of the yachts designed in recent years does not get out to the public. I hear privately many of their stories, some of which I am not surprised are kept quiet, but the Media and the Industry as a whole continuously push wild designs as the thing to have and the clients believe them.

Your concepts take a futuristic approach to the modern motor yacht, what do you see in terms of stylistic evolution for yachts emerging in ten to twenty years’ time?

The trends most often appear as a result of a need by the Brokers, Shipyards and Designers to offer something different, they are not always better or even more efficient or economic and are driven by the need to generate a sale. Of course, sometimes there are genuine advances in systems and how the designs are conceived, but the styling has a major effect on the success of a design.

The need to create new designs and satisfy the demand from future owners will keep the style moving onwards. I am not sure where we will be in 20 years time. There will certainly be some examples of 100% electric propulsion for sure as we see in the commercial boats already and other mechanical systems.

Style wise the sensible designs will continue to make the users more and more in contact with the sea, so an emphasis on styling features that assist in the enjoyment of spending time in your yacht. Enjoy the sea, enjoy the surroundings. I do fear we are on for more “floating architecture” influences however and the appetite for “ Spectacularism”, fueled by the media, is unfortunately bound to continue.

Is ‘Spectacularism’ powerful enough to overtake the established, or traditional approach to design as generations of owners change?

I think that basically, the “professional” approach will remain similar because in many respects a yacht has to conform to certain rules and principles. Unless the lifestyles or customs of our clients will change. Either way, the designers will try to respond to any changes in the nature of the way owners want to use their yachts.

What projects are you working on, or you’ve seen, that might prove that rule?

Although I see many yacht designs in the magazines and Boat Shows you need to know the yacht intimately to make a proper judgment and voice your opinion. I admit I am often critical of what I see in magazines these days. Clearly many designers don’t have enough experience to be designing. Market-wise going forwards, currently we see yachts from 55m to 65m as an area where demand will increase, but that is a personal opinion.

The market is already full of 40 to 50-metre designs of every shape and form and the competition is fierce. Many boats are built on spec and sold for possibly their build cost so the shipyards are not making enough money and there are many. I would guess 60% of the yachts being built are on spec, most likely. Generally speaking, there are too many players after a fairly small market.

What’s next for Castro design moving into 2018 and beyond?

We are reluctant to join in with “Spectacularism”. That may be because we are also Naval Architects, sailors and Engineers so we have experience, we been there done that, and understand things that pure, often young, Designers or Stylists cannot possibly understand enough of. We now even have Car designers mixing in. We would like to be allowed to design sensible yachts, elegant, timeless, future proof, yachts that retain as much of their value as possible and don’t disappoint their owners or drive their captains and crew crazy.

This is a tall order as the choice is so often made purely on whether an owner likes the styling or not. We have a 70/73m under study that follows those principles I outlined and hope someone will see how much better off he will be with one of our designs, beautifully elegant and yet proper functional.

The 60-metre market version of conceptual style without age

Another stylish example of future-proof design from the Castro studio at 90m

Tony Castro's timeless addition to the superyacht concept market at over 100-metres

The future-proof and world-ready explorer Arcadia, drawn by Tony Castro

The future-proof and world-ready explorer Arcadia, drawn by Tony Castro

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15 Personal Statement Examples 2020 (UPDATED)

https://www.chinesescholarshipcouncil.com/?p=3750&wpwautoposter=1587626766 The Personal Statement Examples are very precious to find on the internet, here are 15  Personal Statement Examples you can download and make it fit according to your requirement. Personal Statement Examples #1 My interest in science dates back to my years in high school, where I excelled in physics, chemistry, and math. When I was a senior, I took a first-year calculus course at a local college (such an advanced-level class was not available in high school) and earned an A. It seemed only logical that I pursue a career in electrical engineering. When I began my undergraduate career, I had the opportunity to be exposed to the full range of engineering courses, all of which tended to reinforce and solidify my intense interest in engineering. I’ve also had the opportunity to study a number of subjects in the humanities and they have been both enjoyable and enlightening, providing me with a new and different perspective on the world in which we live. In the realm of engineering, I have developed a special interest in the field of laser technology and have even been taking a graduate course in quantum electronics. Among the 25 or so students in the course, I am the sole undergraduate. Another particular interest of mine is electromagnetics, and last summer, when I was a technical assistant at a world-famous local lab, I learned about its many practical applications, especially in relation to microstrip and antenna design. Management at this lab was sufficiently impressed with my work to ask that I return when I graduate. Of course, my plans following completion of my current studies are to move directly into graduate work toward my master’s in science. After I earn my master’s degree, I intend to start work on my Ph.D. in electrical engineering. Later I would like to work in the area of research and development for the private industry. It is in R & D that I believe I can make the greatest contribution, utilizing my theoretical background and creativity as a scientist. I am highly aware of the superb reputation of your school, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in attending. I know that, in addition to your excellent faculty, your computer facilities are among the best in the state. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution. Personal Statement Examples #2 Having majored in literary studies (world literature) as an undergraduate, I would now like to concentrate on English and American literature. I am especially interested in nineteenth-century literature, women’s literature, Anglo-Saxon poetry, and folklore and folk literature. My personal literary projects have involved some combination of these subjects. For the oral section of my comprehensive exams, I specialized in nineteenth-century novels by and about women. The relationship between “high” and folk literature became the subject for my honors essay, which examined Toni Morrison’s use of classical, biblical, African, and Afro-American folk tradition in her novel. I plan to work further on this essay, treating Morrison’s other novels and perhaps preparing a paper suitable for publication. In my studies toward a doctoral degree, I hope to examine more closely the relationship between high and folk literature. My junior year and private studies of Anglo-Saxon language and literature have caused me to consider the question of where the divisions between folklore, folk literature, and high literature lie. Should I attend your school, I would like to resume my studies of Anglo-Saxon poetry, with special attention to its folk elements. Writing poetry also figures prominently in my academic and professional goals. I have just begun submitting to the smaller journals with some success and am gradually building a working manuscript for a collection. The dominant theme of this collection relies on poems that draw from classical, biblical, and folk traditions, as well as everyday experience, in order to celebrate the process of giving and taking life, whether literal or figurative. My poetry draws from and influences my academic studies. Much of what I read and the study finds a place in my creative work as the subject. At the same time, I study the art of literature by taking part in the creative process, experimenting with the tools used by other authors in the past. In terms of a career, I see myself teaching literature, writing criticism, and going into editing or publishing poetry. Doctoral studies would be valuable to me in several ways. First, your teaching assistant ship program would provide me with the practical teaching experience I am eager to acquire. Further, earning a Ph.D. in English and American literature would advance my other two career goals by adding to my skills, both critical and creative, in working with language. Ultimately, however, I see the Ph.D. as an end in itself, as well as a professional stepping stone; I enjoy studying literature for its own sake and would like to continue my studies on the level demanded by the Ph.D. program. Personal Statement Examples #3 As the sun was going down, the rain began to fall. Alongside the road there were sirens and flashing lights next to a black vehicle; it was completely destroyed. I was unconscious, stuck inside the vehicle. EMS extricated me and transported me to the hospital. It was not until the next day I finally woke up and tried to lift myself out of bed; the pain I felt caused me to scream, “Mom!” My mother rushed into the room, “Ashley, stop moving around, you are only going to make it more painful” she said. The expression on my face showed nothing more than a complete blank. “What happened, and why is there a sling on me?” The ambulance took me to the hospital in our home town, and after hours passed by they told my mother that my scans and tests came back fine, put a sling on me, and sent me home … while still not fully conscious. The day after, I had follow up visits in the next city over with completely different physicians. It turned out the extent of my injuries were worse than we were told, and had to have surgery immediately. Suffering from complications following the accident was an obstacle, but the care received at the time and over the next few years during recovery made me understand the importance of skilled physicians and physician assistants (PAs). In the past year, I have grown and learned even more than I thought I could in my current position as a medical assistant in the Neuro-otology specialty. Working as a medical assistant for the past two years has been a rewarding learning experience. One of the main priorities of my position is to take a very detailed description of the patient’s condition/chief complaint of their visit. Doing this has allowed me to gain an extensive amount of knowledge on the inner ear and vestibular system, and on how they both work in conjunction with one another. Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment. A little after I began working at the clinic, I was awarded a larger role through learning how to complete the Canalith Repositioning Maneuver on patients suffering from Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. After successful applications of the procedures, it is clear from their emotions that I make positive impacts on the patient’s daily life. The joyful smile on their faces immediately brightens my whole day. Volunteer efforts, shadowing, and post university medical experience solidified that there was no other profession I desired more. Witnessing the team of a doctor and PA work together at Moffitt Cancer Center furthered my excitement of the position. I was captivated by their partnership and the PAs ability to simultaneously work independently. The PA spoke highly of the opportunity to study and practice multiple specialties. Through all of my learning and experience it occurred to me that my love for medicine is so broad, that it would be impossible for me to just focus on one aspect of medicine. Knowing that I have the option to experience nearly any specialty entices me, and having the opportunity to treat and diagnose patients instead of standing in the background observing would give me great pleasure. While continuously battling the setbacks of my accident, the socioeconomic status forced upon me the task of a full time job while trying to obtain an education. The outcome of these hardships led to substandard grades in my freshman and sophomore years. Once accepted at University of South Florida I succeeded in completing all PA requirements with a vast improvement in my academics creating an upward trend in GPA through graduation. As a result of my success, I realized I had moved forward from what I thought would hold me back forever; my accident is now just a motivator for future obstacles. With a career as a PA, I know my answer to “how was your day” will always be, “life changing.” In my work I am fortunate enough to change lives in similar ways as the PA I strive to be, which is what drives me. I am determined and will not ever abandon this dream, goal, and life purpose. Outside of my qualifications on paper, I have been told that I am a compassionate, friendly, and a strong woman. Years from today, through my growth and experience as a PA, I will evolve to be a role model for someone with the same qualities and professional objectives as I have today. I chose PA because I love working as a team. Helping others makes me feel like I have a purpose, and there is no other profession that I would rather be in. Admittance to a respectable program is not the beginning or the end … it is the next step of my journey to become a reflection of who I admire. Personal Statement Examples #4 A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief; her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated. I was the sick child in that story. That is one of my earliest memories; it was from the time when I lived in Ukraine. I still wonder how such a simple diagnosis was overlooked by several physicians; perhaps it was an example of the inadequate training healthcare professionals received in post-Cold War Ukraine. The reason I still remember that encounter is the pain and discomfort of having my sinus drained. I was conscious during the procedure and my mother had to restrain me while the doctor drained my sinus. I remember that having my sinus drained was so excruciating that I told the doctor, “When I grow up I will become a doctor so I can do this to you!” When I reminisce about that experience I still tell myself that I would like to work in health care, but my intentions are no longer vengeful. After researching various health care professions I realized that physician assistant is the one for me. I have several reasons for pursuing a career as a PA. Firstly the PA profession has a bright future; according to the Bureau of Labor statistics employment for physician assistants is projected to grow 38 percent from 2020 to 2022. Secondly the flexibility of the PA of the profession is appealing to me; I would like to build an eclectic repertoire of experiences and skills when it comes to delivering medical care. Thirdly I would be able to work autonomously and collaboratively with a health care team to diagnose and treat individuals. The fourth and most important reason is that I would be able to directly influence people in a positive way. Working for homecare services I have had several people tell me that they prefer PAs over physicians, because physician assistants are able to take their time to effectively communicate with their patients. I know that to become a physician assistant academic excellence is imperative so I would like to take the time to explain the discrepancies in my transcript. During my freshman and sophomore year my grades were not great and there is no excuse for that. In my first two years of college I was more concerned with socializing than I was with academia. I chose to spend most of my time going to parties and because of it my grades suffered. Although I had a lot of fun I came to the realization the fun would not last forever. I knew that to fulfill my dream of working in health care I would have to change my ways. Starting with my junior year I made school my priority and my grades improved markedly. My grades in the second two years of my college career are a reflection of me as an engaged student. I will continue striving to achieve my terminal goal of becoming a physician assistant, because I look forward to the first time a worried mother comes to the hospital with her sick child and I will be able to say, “I can help this boy!” Personal Statement Examples #5 Completely re-edited my PS. This draft feels alot stronger. Please let me know what you think. Thanks. “The two most important days in your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why”. This quote from Mark Twain comes to mind when describing why I aspire to become a Physician Assistant. The journey to finding one’s professional “why” can be tough, it can sometimes force one to settle and give up on the journey altogether but in other cases, cases of so many who have genuine love in what they do, it requires constant self-reflection, faith and unyielding determination to continue on. Early on in my academic career I lacked the maturity to grasp this concept, I wasn’t committed to the process of learning and was without intrinsic motivation to dedicate myself to it. I knew I wanted a career in medicine but when asked difficult questions of why, I could only give the generic answer, “Because I want to help people”. That reason wasn’t enough, I needed something more, something that could drive me to work night shifts and head to school immediately after, something that could push me to retake courses and pursue a Masters degree. To find this “why” I became child-like, asking many questions, majority of them beginning with why. Why was it important for me to help people through medicine? Why not a trainer, a physician or a nurse? Why not anything else? Through this journey I began four years ago, I’ve learned that an individuals “why” is a place where one’s passions and skills meet their community’s needs and as I’ve been exposed to many facets of health, I’ve discovered my passion for fitness and health is the foundation of my “why”. The day I found this “why” came subtly, from a simple yet profound article clipping that remains posted on my wall today. A “wonder pill “ Dr. Robert Butler described, that could prevent and treat many diseases but more importantly prolong the length and quality of life. The drug was exercise and as he surmised, “If it could be packed into a pill it would the most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation”. From these words my “why” began taking shape, I began wondering what could happen to our health care system if prevention was emphasized and people were given the directions and interventions needed to not only solve their health issues but to live healthier lives. I wondered what I could do to be part of the solution, how I could play a role in delivering a care that considered multiple influences and multiple methods for treating and preventing diseases, while also advocating optimal health and well-being. With the recent reforms to healthcare I believed that a system emphasizing prevention could become an actuality and with many people given access to it a better kind provider would be needed. Providers, in my opinion, that understands the roles of nutrition, fitness and behavior modifications on health. Providers that understand that curative or palliative methods that wait until patients are sick, in many cases beyond repair before stepping in, can no longer be a standard practice. From interning with trainers and wellness coaches in health centers, to working with nurses and techs in the hospital, to shadowing PAs and Physicians during rounds or in underserved clinics, I‘ve not only gained valuable experiences but I have been able to see exactly what makes each profession great. Each profession has aspects that interest me but as I have researched and dissected each of these careers, plucking pieces where I find my greatest skills meeting what I am passionate about, I found myself at the doorstep of a career as a Physician Assistant. Working at Florida Hospital, I relish in the team-based effort that I’ve learned is quite necessary in providing quality care. I thoroughly enjoy my interactions with patients and working in communities where English may not be the primary language but forces you to go out and learn to become a better caregiver. I’ve learned exactly where my “why” is. It is in a profession centered on this team-based effort, it focuses on the patient and the trust between the physician and the health care team, not on the insurance, management or the business side of medicine. It is a profession whose purpose comes from improving and expanding our health care system, a field with the ability to not only diagnose and treat diseases but also with the expectation to promote health through education. It is a profession where I can be a lifetime-learner, where stagnation isn’t even a possibility, with many specialties in which I can learn. Most importantly it is a career whose role in this evolving health care system is etched to be on the front line in its delivery, the key to integrating both wellness and medicine to combat and prevent diseases. The journey to this conclusion hasn’t been easy but I am grateful because my“ why” is now simple and unmistakable. I have been placed on this earth to serve, educate and advocate wellness through medicine as a Physician Assistant. In summation, my “why” has become my favorite question. Personal Statement Examples #6 The easiest decision I ever made was choosing to play soccer when I was seven years old. Fifteen years later, after finishing four years of Division I collegiate soccer, I made the most difficult decision thus far in my life. Knowing that I was not going to play for the U.S. Women’s National Team, I had to pursue a different dream. The summer after my college graduation, I transitioned from playing soccer to coaching, while figuring out a career path to pursue. At one of the first practices I coached, I witnessed a girl get caught up in a net and hit her head on a pole. My instincts told me to run over and help. I advised a parent to call 9-1-1 while I checked to see if the girl was alert. She was in and out of consciousness for about two minutes before she was able to look at me and tell me her name. I talked to her to keep her awake until the paramedics arrived to take over. Even while the paramedics assessed her, she did not want me to leave. I held her hand until it was time for her to be transported. In that moment, it was clear to me that helping others was my calling. At the same time I started coaching, I began volunteering at Los Angeles Harbor-UCLA Medical Center. I shadowed emergency room (ER) doctors, orthopedic doctors, and general practitioners. Naturally, my athletic career drew me in towards Orthopedics. I spent most of my time watching how doctors, physician assistants (PAs), nurses, and technicians interacted with patients. Similar to soccer, teamwork is a key component of patient care. I was amazed at how smooth the process was to prepare for a trauma patient in the ER. It was not as chaotic as I had expected. The communications center alerted the trauma team that a 79 year-old female patient with head trauma was on its way. From there, the trauma team prepared a room for the patient. When the patient arrived, it was like watching a well-rehearsed play. Every team member knew his/her role and performed it flawlessly despite the high-pressure situation. In that moment, I felt the same adrenaline rush I got during my soccer games and knew that I had to pursue a career in the medical field. Although I was introduced to the idea of becoming a PA, my eyes were set on becoming a doctor. So, I applied for medical school. After being rejected from medical school, I debated applying again. After shadowing PAs at Harbor-UCLA, I did research on becoming a PA. What stood out the most to me was the flexibility of a PA to work in different medical specialties. Also, in the orthopedic department, I noticed that the PAs had more time to spend with patients discussing rehabilitation options and infection prevention after their surgeries. This type of patient care was more along the lines of what I wanted to do. So, my next step was to become an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) to fulfill the work experience requirement for my PA application. Working as an EMT turned out to be more meaningful than just being a pre-requisite for PA school. Whether the complaints were medical or traumatic, these patients were meeting me on the worst day of their lives. One call we had was a Spanish-speaking only patient who complained of left knee pain. Since I was the only Spanish speaker on scene, I translated for the paramedics. The medics concluded that the patient could be transported to the hospital code 2, no paramedic follow-up and no lights and sirens necessary, since it appeared to be localized knee pain. En route to the hospital, I noticed a foul smell coming from the patient. Suddenly, the patient became unresponsive so we upgraded our transport and used our lights and sirens to get there faster. Upon our arrival the patient started coming around. The triage nurse approached us and noticed the foul smell as well. The nurse had us put the patient into a bed right away and said that the patient might be septic. I thought, but where? Later that day, we checked up on the patient and found out that she was in the late stages of breast cancer. On scene, she failed to mention the open wounds she thoroughly wrapped up on her breasts because that was not her chief complaint. She also did not mention it as part of her pertinent medical history. Her knee was hurting due to osteoporosis from the cancer cells metastasizing to her bones. This call always stuck with me because it made me realize that I want to be able to diagnose and treat patients. As a PA, I would be able to do both. All of my life experiences have led me to realize that I want to be a part of a medical team as a physician assistant. To be able to study multiple medical specialties, diagnose, and treat would allow me to come full circle in patient care. As much as I love pre-hospital care, I have always wanted to do more. Given the opportunity, as a PA, I will take on the challenges of patient care in a hospital setting and look forward to being able to follow through with all of my patients to the end of their care. Personal Statement Examples #7 A young, cheerful volleyball player came to my training room complaining of back pain during her off-season. Two weeks later, she died from Leukemia. Two years later her brother, a former state champion football player, was diagnosed with a different type of Leukemia. He fought hard for a year, but he too succumbed to the same disease that took the life of his baby sister. A girl in her sophomore year of high school sought my advice because she was concerned about a small bump on her back. After a few weeks of observing she returned complaining of back pain along with an increase in the size of the original bump. Recognizing this was beyond my expertise, I referred her to her pediatrician, who then recommended she see another medical specialist. Following extensive testing she was diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After recently dealing with the loss of two young athletes, this news was shocking. Fortunately, over the next year and a half, this young lady battled and beat the cancer in time to complete her senior year and walk across the stage at graduation with her classmates. I was elated for her, but began reflecting on the limitations of my position as an athletic trainer. These events also prompted me to evaluate my life, my career, and my goals. I felt compelled to investigate my options. After doing so, I was determined to expand my knowledge and increase my ability to serve others and decided the correct path for me was to become a Physician Assistant. During my career thus far as an athletic trainer, I have had the privilege of working at a wide variety of locations. These include an acute care in-patient hospital, working with post surgical patients; a family practice and sports medicine office, performing initial evaluations; an outpatient therapy clinic, working with rehab patients; an orthopedic surgeon’s office, shadowing patient visits and surgeries; and many universities and high schools, working with a variety of athletic injuries. My experiences in these diverse settings have shown me the need for all degrees of medical personnel. Each field has its own purpose in the proper care of the patient. As an athletic trainer I have seen a range of injuries that I could diagnose and treat myself. But it has always been the ones that I had to refer to the team doctor that weighed on me, making me feel that I should be able to help even more. As a physician assistant, I would possess the knowledge and skills needed to diagnose and provide the care needed for my patients. My position as the high school athletic trainer allows me to get acquainted with all of the athletes, however, to be even more effective I get involved in the community of the school and strive to learn more about the people with whom I work. For the last three years I have been a substitute teacher for the junior and senior high school. I have also volunteered for many functions that the school provides for the students including school dances, the community-based alcohol prevention program called Every 15 Minutes, and the annual junior and senior retreat which involves a true bonding experience for all participants. Developing meaningful relationships with the students enhances my effectiveness by opening lines of communication and building trust. It is my firm belief that a patient will only speak openly about a self-perceived flaw including injury with someone he or she feels comfortable. I sincerely want to be that person for my athletes now, and for my patients in the future. The diverse injuries, illnesses, and diseases I have encountered as athletic trainer have provided me with a variety of wonderful experiences. I have witnessed both tragedy and triumph with my athletes and coaches, on and off of the field or court. Most injuries have been inconsequential in the long term, even to those experiencing the pain in the moment. They know that they will heal and progress in their sport and continue on their journey in life. Fighting for and winning state championships is all well and good, but there are far more important concerns in this life we live. I have witnessed young lives being taken, and those who battled relentlessly to overcome all obstacles, and it is these individuals who have changed how I view medicine, how I view myself, and how I view my future in the world of medicine. These people have enriched my life and have taken ahold of my heart and mind, motivating me to push forward. “Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep battling.” The powerful motto of our basketball coach living with advanced Cystic Fibrosis has been a significant incentive for me. He was told he would live a much shorter and less satisfying life, but he never gave in to his diagnosis. He made his life what he wanted it to be, overcoming many obstacles and living out his dreams. Seeing him fight for each day of his life has had tremendous influence on me. I know it is my time to fight for what I want and keep moving forward. Personal Statement Examples #8 I would really appreciate if someone could tell me if I’m hitting any of the right points in my essay! The door flew open and slammed against the adjacent wall. The room was dark and all I could make out were figures and the noise of chatter and children crying. As my eyes adjusted to the sharp contrast in darkness from the blaring sun outside, I made my way to the counter. “Sign in,” said a voice and I looked down to see a chewed up pin and a pile of ripped up pieces of paper, on which I wrote my name and date of birth. The voice came out again “have a seat; we’ll call you when we’re ready.” I turned to see a room, no bigger than a two bedroom apartment, full of young women and children of various ages. I took a seat and waited for my turn to be seen at my local health department. As an adolescent without health insurance, I have seen first-hand the demand for providers that can offer available healthcare. My experiences at the local health department made me dread going, never knowing if I would see the same provider again. Like many others in my situation, I just stopped going. After these experiences, I knew I wanted to be the stability for the underprivileged and financially burdened. I began my role in healthcare as a pharmacy technician. It was this job that solidified my interests in the science of medicine. It was also this exposure which showed me that primary care providers play a huge role in the health system. However, it was not until I began working in registration for the Emergency Department of my local hospital that I could see just how important this role is; patients sitting for hours to be seen for a fever and headache because they do not have any other option for healthcare. These observations pushed me to continue in medicine. After moving home to pursue this career, I climbed my way from a unit secretary to a patient care technician where I had my first hands-on experiences with patients. I remember a particular incident where while I was assisting a patient to the bathroom, she began sweating and complaining of blurred vision. I immediately called for someone to come in so I could check her blood sugar levels; it was 37 mg/Dl. With the nurse by my side, we got Ms. Kay safely to the bed and began treating her with intravenous glucose. I was so excited and proud of myself for recognizing the symptoms and being able to react without hesitation. It is moments like this one that I recognize my desires are not only to treat patients, but also diagnose illnesses. After working closely with many health providers for nearly ten years, none stood out to me like Mike, a physician assistant on the cardiothoracic surgery unit. I have seen him take the extra time to go over every medication a patient had not only to ensure there was no drug interactions but to explain and write down the uses of each for when they returned home. When this patient needs a refill, instead of asking for “the little blue pill,” they will confidently ask for their blood pressure medication. Understanding these problems and taking the time to address them through patient education and support can greatly improve the quality of life for those in our communities. PAs help to carry out this idea of preventive medicine over episodic care as a team. A team-based care system is very important to me. I learned the value of a solid support network while struggling after the death of my cousin. The pain of losing my best friend, and the personal disappointment I felt after failing two semesters, made it difficult for me to continue on my career path confidently. However, with the backing and trust of my peers, much like a PA in their practice, I was able to push forward and overcome these trials. I was taught stress-management and determination through these hardships and they will aid me as I endeavor this challenging and evolving career as a PA. With my professional training in the medical field, I have a good understanding and appreciate everyone’s roles in healthcare. We come from several backgrounds and experiences that allow us to integrate together and ultimately provide better patient care. I am confident in my ability to translate my skills into my studies as well as future practice and become a successful PA. I am also confident in my ability to relate and help close the gap in available healthcare as a primary care provider. Personal Statement Examples #9 “My chest hurts.” Anyone in the medical field knows this is a statement that cannot simply be brushed off. Mary was a patient we brought to and from dialysis three times a week. At the young age of 88, her mind was starting to go and her history of CVA rendered her hemiplegic, reliant on us for transport. Mary would stare through us and continue conversations with her late husband, insist she was being rained on while in the ambulance, and manipulate us into doing things we would never consider for another patient, i.e. adjust pillows an absurd amount of times, and hold her limp arm in the air for the entirety of the 40 minute transport, leaving you down a full PCR. But, it was Mary, and Mary held a special place in our hearts just out of sheer desire to please her in the slightest- never successfully, might I add. Mary complained about everything, but nothing at the same time. So, that Thursday afternoon when she nonchalantly stated she had chest pain, it raised some red flags. With a trainee on board, the three man crew opted to run the patient to the ER three miles up the road, emergent, rather than waiting for ALS. I ran the call, naturally, it was Mary, and she was my patient. Vitals stable, patient denies breathing difficulty and any other symptoms. During the two minute transport I called in the report over the wail of the sirens, “history of CVA and… CVA. Mary look at me. Increased facial drooping; stoke alert, pulling in now.” Mary always had facial drooping, slurring, and left sided weakness, but it was worse. I’ve taken her every week for six months, but this time I was sitting on her right side. We took her straight to CT, and I have not since seen her. Mary was my patient, and everyone knew it. We hear “life is too short” all the time, but how many people have been on scene after a heartbroken mother rolled over on her four-month-old, and you work that child like its your own, knowing she’s been down too long. As a healthcare provider, you have those patients that make it all worth it; That remind you why you keep going back for the MVAs, amputations, overdoses, three year old with fishhook in his eye, 2 year old down a flight of stairs, Alzheimer’s patient who doesn’t understand why they’re being strapped to the stretcher, 302 who pulls a gun, pancreatic cancer patient who vomits blood on you while you’re at the bottom of the stairchair and there’s not a thing you can do about it until you get down two more flights of stairs. My ambulance is my office. EMS has given me more experience, hope and disappointment than I could have ever asked for as an undergraduate. It has done nothing short of fuel my desire for advancement in the medical field. “The contest is a lion fight. So chin up, put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don’t lick your wounds. Celebrate them. The scars you bear are the sign of a competitor. You’re in a lion’s fight. Just because you didn’t win, doesn’t mean you don’t know how to roar.” The countless hours of procrastination watching the medical inaccuracies of Grey’s Anatomy, the breathtaking visuals in House MD, and the thrill of ER, have, if nothing else, given me hope. Hope that someone will see past my mediocre GPA and undergraduate transcript, and afford me the second chance I know I deserve. I proved my capability and motivation in high school and my last two years of college when I refocused my goals and plan. I am ready, prepared, and willing to do whatever it takes to reach my aspiration of providing the highest quality care of which I am capable. If you are not ready at this moment to put faith in me, I will do whatever it takes to get to that point, whether it be retaking classes, or investing another $40,000 in my education to excel in a post-baccalaureate program. After years of dabbling in medical occupations, I have finally found the one I want, and my desire to live and learn has never been stronger. Personal Statement Examples #10 I have since reworked my essay and would prefer that the second copy be considered if possible. I am about 150 characters over the limit and I am not sure what to cut or where. I also am working on conveying the message of why I want to be a PA and what I can offer that is unique. Any help is greatly appreciated! I’ve learned a lot of important lessons while shadowing a physician assistant in the emergency room this summer: always clean up your own sharps, communicate with other ER staff members to effectively work as a team, never talk about how “quiet” a day is, and that a warm blanket and a smile go a long way in patient care. Most importantly, I learned how much I love coming in to the hospital each day, excited to interact with a wide variety of patients and have a positive impact, no matter how small, in their healthcare experience. Shadowing in a level II trauma center granted me opportunities to develop my own personal philosophy about patient care, as well as furthered my desire to pursue a career as a PA in this field. My biggest inspiration to become a PA, however, started well before I ever shadowed in a hospital but from something much closer to home. It was the summer before my final year at Miami when I got the text from my dad. He had been sick for a few weeks and finally went to the hospital for routine blood work. Doctor’s visits used to be rare for him, as he is an ER physician and seemed to never get sick. When the results came in, they immediately admitted him to Cleveland Clinic Main Campus. He told me he was fine and not to worry, all while joking about getting a room with the Indians game on, so I believed him. The next morning his tests were back – he had acute lymphoblastic leukemia. His first thirty days of routine high-volume chemotherapy were cut short when he acquired an infection and spiraled into total organ failure. He was in the ICU for roughly two months, during which time he drifted in and out of comas and had, as he phrased it, “a visit from every specialist except gynecology.” When he finally regained consciousness after two weeks of dialysis, he was so weak he could not sit up unassisted so he spent two more months at an inpatient rehabilitation facility before he was finally allowed to come home on Christmas Eve. It was the best present a girl could ask for, but not without its challenges. He was still very weak and wheelchair-bound. He had to take handfuls of pills several times a day, and needed his blood sugar checked before each meal due to the steroids. The house had to be regularly scrubbed from top to bottom due to his low neutrophil count. When I was younger and my mother suffered two strokes, my father had been the one that had kept our family together. Our upside down world felt like a nightmare. I learned to do fingersticks and insulin injections gently, so as not to bruise his paper-thin skin. I taught him how to flush his PICC line when it became clogged (a trick I learned from my own experience with IV antibiotics to treat osteomyelitis a year prior). When he started walking, I learned to block his knees with my hands so he wouldn’t fall too far forward after he lost most of his proprioception and motor control from peripheral neuropathy. I had a tough choice to make: return to school and continue pursuing my degree, or stay home and help my mother. I stayed in Cleveland for as long as I could, but eventually went back to school the day before spring semester started. I continued to come home as often as I could. Our schedule wasn’t the only thing that changed – because my father was unable to work, our lifestyle changed considerably due to the financial strain from hospital bills. We now considered ease of access everywhere we travelled to make sure it was safe for his wheelchair. One night, my mother confided that she had never spent so much time with my father in the entirety of their marriage. Cancer is not only a physical fight but a myriad of battles that accompany the diagnosis. Standing strong with my family through all of these hurdles has helped me to develop a comprehensive and unique perspective on the challenges that health issues bring to patients and their families. My father has since returned to work in the ER, and continues to greet patients with a smile, grateful to be alive and healthy enough to practice medicine. Even before my father got sick, I was in love with medicine, too. From a young age, I questioned the world around me with a thirst for answers that never waned. As I learned body systems in anatomy and physiology, I looked at illness and injury as a puzzle waiting to be solved. When I was taking care of my dad, he told me I should look into PA school. He said “if you love medicine and actually want to spend time with patients, become a Physician Assistant.” In my time shadowing in the Emergency Department, I have found this to be very true. While the doctors intercept phone calls from specialists and chart lengthy notes, the PAs are in the room with patients, performing a review of symptoms or suturing lacerations all while keeping the patient informed and calm to ameliorate stress levels. The positive impact on the patient care experience is palpable. I want to apply the same compassion and understanding that I have acquired during my own family’s experiences and those from shadowing in the emergency room in order to better someone else’s health care experience. Personal Statement Examples #11 “Whether you know it or not, you do have the power to touch the lives of everyone you encounter and make their day just a little bit better.” I once heard a resident named Mary console her peer who was feeling useless with this small piece of advice. Mary had lived at Lutheran Home for about 5 years. She had the warmest smile that spread across her face and seemed to tell a story. It was a smile that reminded me of the kind smile my grandmother used to have. I remember thinking that this woman truly amazed me and seemed to have an uncanny ability to comfort others. Mary was a selfless, compassionate woman that I admired very much. One day I learned that Mary had fallen while trying to transfer into the shower and had injured her arm and had hit her head. This incident, followed by more health issues, seemed to be the start to her declined orientation and abilities. Mary was put on bed rest, slowly began to lose her appetite and began to have pain. For the next few months, I was happy when I was assigned to care for Mary because the statement I had witnessed truly came to life. Mary was not always well taken care of and had no family visitors in her last days. Many times I would try to check in to ensure her comfort, sit with her in my free time or reproach Mary when she had refused a meal to get her to eat a little more. In the end, small things like holding her had, being there for her and talking to her undoubtedly made her day just a little better. Mary taught me to be patient, respectful and compassionate to each and every person I encounter and I have truly witnessed the improvement that this approach provides in the healing process. I believe that this manner is essential to being a remarkable physician assistant. I first learned about the Physician Assistant career when I began working at University of Massachusetts Memorial Hospital, and the model resonated strongly with my life’s motivation. I am passionate about relationship building, quality time with people, and the flexibility to be a lifelong learner. I love the idea of a reduced burden on the PA’s because it allows focus on and development of their strengths. I know in my deepest core that this profession is what I am meant to do. Yes I am hardworking, ambitious and a team player, but what makes me distinctly qualified to pursue a professional degree as a physician assistant is my humanity and kindness that I have learned through my experiences. To me, a physician’s assistant serves her patients, her doctor and her community with respect and compassion. There are an immeasurable amount of moments that I have experienced in patient care that have inspired my career choice. In memory of Mary, and every patient who has individually touched my everyday life I have found my passion with this humanity. I always take the time to be with my patients, understand their point of view, form a connection with them and give them the best quality care I can possibly provide. I have been involved in direct patient care in different settings for 3 years and find great joy every day I go to work. To be able to influence a person’s everyday life is a blessing and gives me my inner peace. There is no greater reward in life than to share your love and compassion with the world to make everyone else’s life just a little bit better. Personal Statement Examples #12 My journey to Physician’s Assistant school started three years ago when my life was an utter mess. I was in an unsatisfying relationship, in a career that made me completely miserable, and I suffered from headaches everyday from the stress of dealing with these issues. I knew I was not where I was supposed to be in life. I freed myself from my unsatisfying relationship. The timing may not have been perfect, as I ended the relationship two months before our wedding, but I know I saved myself years of heartache. Four months after ending my engagement, I was laid off from my job. Shortly after being laid off, I had a seizure due to the headache medicine that I had been taking everyday prior to being laid off. This confirmed to me that I needed a career change. I have never been at a loss for ambition, but my recent experience gave me pause as to the direction I should go. One day a trusted advisor asked me if I had ever thought of becoming a doctor or a physician’s assistant. At first, I dismissed the idea because I knew not only would I have to go back to school, I would have to take challenging classes such as chemistry. The thought of taking chemistry and math-related classes intimidated me. The fear of financial and academic failure made me consider what I needed and wanted. After researching and comparing physicians, nurse practitioners and physician’s assistants, I felt a genuine interest in the PA field. The length of time in school, the cost of schooling, the level of autonomy, and the ability to explore specialties are a few reasons why becoming a PA is appealing. For a time, I avoided making a decision for fear of making the wrong one. I especially wrestled with knowing that if I went back to school, I’d have to take classes that I took as an undergraduate over twelve years ago. However, indecision due to fear was robbing me of my time and thrusting into me paralyzing thoughts of what may never happen. In the interest of challenging my fear, I decided to volunteer with a local fire and rescue station to obtain my EMT-B certification. Additionally, I began taking classes that I thought I might struggle with. Logically, I thought, if I could love being in this fast paced healthcare setting and continue to find the motivation to undertake some of the most challenging classes of my college career, I’d be reassured I was on the right path. Returning to school was not easy. I did have to withdraw from college chemistry my first semester as I was overwhelmed with change. I was a bit rusty and needed to ease into the semester so that I could practice the habits that make me a great student. Once I found my footing, I enrolled in college chemistry again, and I really enjoyed it. I felt as if my mind was expanding and I was learning things that I once thought I could not easily learn. My confidence soared, and I wondered what all my apprehension and anxiety was about. Obtaining my EMT-Basic certification, volunteering, and returning to school to conquer my most demanding classes to date has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my life. Becoming an EMT-B has allowed me to learn fundamental healthcare such as conducting patient assessments and history, understanding anatomy and physiology concepts, and communicating with patients. The EMS field has rendered me more open-minded and tolerant, allowing me to treat people of all different socioeconomic status, education levels, and ethnicities. I have seen a very human side of people I otherwise would not. I now have a clear picture of what I want, I’m driven and know what I want to achieve. I have grown professionally and personally while providing compassionate care to others and pushing myself to an extent that I did not think was possible. In addition, since returning to school I realize that I enjoy confronting my fears and I am better at challenging myself and learning new things than when I was in my teens and twenties. I am eager to take this desire to the next level, striving ever to enrich my life with the challenges that only a profession in the physician’s assistant field can bring. Personal Statement Examples #13 My strongest memory of my “abuelita” involves her, in tears, recounting her fathers’ refusal to allow her to study medicine because she was a woman. Perhaps this story remains so clear on account of her dementia driven repetitiveness, but I suspect it was my emotional response of longing for a calling as strong as hers. Where we did share the same love of crossword puzzles and literature, I never felt physician was the right career for me- despite her grandmotherly insistence. Today I am confident that Physician Assistant (PA) is the answer to a question I have been asking myself for a long time now. What will I dedicate my life to? As a student oscillating between a career in medicine and international development it was unclear which path best fit my character and career goals. Following my passions led me to find the PA occupation. It is a combination of everything I am interested in: biology, health education and public service. My fascination with the human body led me to major in Physiology and Neuroscience at the University of California, San Diego (UCSD). This course of study inspired and challenged me as it combined my interest in biology and enthusiasm for problem solving. A Biochemistry course presented more of a challenge than others. I immediately retook the course learning a valuable lesson- that personal growth comes from challenges. With this lesson in mind I decided to enter post graduate life through the toughest challenge I could imagine- volunteering for two years in a third world country. In an effort to pursue my interest in both health and international development I joined the Peace Corps. Furthermore this allowed me to work for an organization whose philosophy I could believe in. The Peace Corps attempts to make a real difference in the lives of real people. Within months of living in rural Ecuador I took notice and was inspired by the tangible and immediate impact made by medical professionals. Eager to join them I jumped at the opportunity to collaborate with a rural health clinic. Some of my responsibilities included taking patient histories and vital signs, providing hands on assistance to the gynecologist and developing a community health education program. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the research, creativity and problem solving it took to develop and implement health education that would really reach the people I was trying to help. Whether facilitating workshops, consulting in the clinic, or in home visits, I thrived on patient interaction with people from vastly different backgrounds. I found that one thing is universal; everyone wants to feel heard. A good practitioner first needs to be a good listener. I also found that my lack of medical knowledge at times left me feeling helpless like when I was unable to help a woman who approached me after a family planning workshop. We were in a community hours away from medical care. She had persistent vaginal bleeding since giving birth three months prior. It struck me that there was little I could do without a medical degree. This experience, and others like it, inspired me to further my education to become a medical practitioner. Since my return from the Peace Corps I enthusiastically pursued the PA profession. I completed the remaining pre requisites with high marks, took an accelerated EMT course at UCLA, volunteered in the emergency room (ER) and shadowed a number of PAs. One PA, Jeremy, has been a particularly impactful role model. He maintains strong, trusting relationships with the patients. He is extremely knowledgeable, unhurried, and personable as he meets patient needs. It is no wonder they request him as their primary care practitioner and I hope to practice with the same skill one day. All of my shadowing experiences reaffirmed my career objectives most align with that of a PA, where I can focus on the care and treatment of my patients, without the added responsibility of owning my own business. Whereas Peace Corps ignited my passion for a career in medicine and shadowing in the family practice opened my eyes to the PA profession, working as an emergency room technician (ER Tech) has cemented my desire to become a PA. In addition to my ER Tech duties I am a certified Spanish interpreter. Every day I am fortunate enough to work closely with a large staff of PAs, physicians and nurses. Often times I interpret for the same patient throughout their entire visit. Through these interactions I have developed a great deal of appreciation for the PAs. As they typically treat less acute patients they can spend more time on patient education. The most meaningful part of my job is ensuring patients receive quality medical care regardless of their language or education. An unexpected benefit has resulted from the doctors, PAs and nurses recognizing my enthusiasm for learning and sharing their medical knowledge to help me realize my dream of one day becoming a PA. A theme of helping the medically underserved has developed over the course of my adult life. Unequivocally it is my calling to continue this gratifying work as PA in primary care. I am confident I will succeed in your program because of my dedication to finishing everything that I start and desire to learn. I am an exceptional candidate due to my multi-cultural perspective, years of experience in bilingual patient care and commitment to the physician assistant profession. Upon completion of Physician Assistant school I will be the first in my generation of 36 cousins to receive a graduate education. My abuelita would be brimming with pride. Personal Statement Examples #14 Dirt. Coating the curve of my ear, the lining of my nostrils, and sticking to my overheated, salty skin; it’s present with every inhale of breath. The Mexican sun beats heat upon my sunburnt shoulders. A Spanish-speaking boy pulls me into the dirt to sit cross-legged across from each other while he teaches me a rhythmic hand-slapping game. I notice his leg is angled awkwardly as if he is compensating for a weak spot on his calf. Peering over his lap, I catch a glimpse of a silver dollar sized pus-filled bump. He shies away. Why should he trust a church volunteer building houses in Mexico? I’m powerless to help this young boy, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. Ice. Melting and seeping into woolen gloves, encasing my freezing fingers. The wind races across my cheeks, slips in the cracks of my jacket and scarf. I am in Detroit. The man with the bare, wrinkled hand grasps my arm with a crinkly smile. He is a veteran who feels more at home in this dark, concrete corner in downtown Detroit than any hospital. He bends to show me his swelling feet with red whelps racing along his shins. Why does he trust me? I am just a volunteer at a soup kitchen, powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. Droplets. Clinging and racing down the tip of a large tropical leaf, splashing onto my arm through a rusty metal window. Horns honk. Bells dance. Touts clamor for my attention. Amid the wet, tropical heat, people move in every direction atop a carpet of trash lining the streets. I’m sitting on a crowded, sweltering bus outside Delhi, India. A young beggar drags himself up the metal steps of the bus. One elbow in front of the other, he slowly crawls up the aisle. He attempts to pull himself into my lap, dried blood and dirt matting his head, flies swarming his ears, thigh stumps dangling off the edge of the seat. Although I shouldn’t, I help him over my lap to the seat beside me, tears streaming down my face. Money will not help him. Money would just encourage him to persuade a few coins off the next tourist that comes along. I’m sure he trusts no one even though he pretends to engage me, for he sees me as a target rather than as a backpacker volunteering anywhere an extra set of hands is needed along my travels. I am powerless to heal him. I feel helpless. All three of these experiences are just snapshots of the times I have felt helpless. Helplessness began as a child and older sister, coming from a single mother family with no health insurance, no college degrees and the emptiest cart in line at the local grocery store; helplessness has ended as I have risen above unlikely odds, returning to college after the experiences of volunteer work locally, across the U.S. and across the globe. I have had the opportunity to work and volunteer in orphanages and local medical clinics serving the underprivileged within multiple countries. I have had a taste of what it is like to treat wounds, to assist in transporting the wounded, to sit comfortingly beside the bed of a woman with resistant tuberculosis as she took her last breaths. I have worked alongside many health professionals along the way, but the physician assistants stood out to me. They were versatile and compassionate, spending the majority of their time with the patients. Most adapted to every new circumstance and smoothly transitioned between specialties in the field. Every encounter with a patient or a physician assistant has fueled my ambition and fever for more knowledge and skills, leading me back to re-enrolling in college. My transcript break between immature teenager and driven adult taught me inalienable concepts such as sacrifice, pain, hard work, appreciation, compassion, integrity and determination. I nurtured my passions and discovered my strengths and weaknesses. Six years after leaving college and four years after returning, I am now the first college graduate in my family, having worked my way through as a restaurant server depending on academic scholarships and tips. On each break in between semesters I have continued my volunteer work locally, in Thailand, and in Haiti. In the upcoming year, I have secured a position as an emergency room technician and will also complete a Pre-PA internship through Gapmedic in Tanzania in the spring to continue to prepare for a Physician Assistant Program. In the memory of every human connection I have made along my journey, having both been a member of as wells as served the underprivileged, I will continue my drive and ambition toward Physician Assistant Studies in hopes I can continue to become a little less helpless. Personal Statement Examples #15 When I look back over the last several years of my life, I never foresaw myself considering a second career. However, several exciting and fulfilling experiences that I had over the last few years have led to my decision to pursue dentistry as a career. A future in the health care field was a natural choice for me, coming from a family of health care workers. I also had a flair for biology right from my school days and my interest in holistic medicine found me choosing a career in homeopathic medicine. I have striven hard to keep myself among the top 10% of the class and my curiosity and interest in the human body and diseases that affect it has grown by leaps and bounds during my years of homeopathic medical training. The motivation behind me, to become a health care professional was being a victim to see the sufferings faced my Grand Father who was a lung cancer patient (mesothelioma). Since we were residing at a rural area in India, my Grand Father had to travel for more than 2 hours to get medical care. Shortness of breath due to pleural effusion, chest pain and the sufferings after chemotherapy, all these annoying hardship which he suffered motivated me of becoming a health care professional in future. Moreover the kindness and care the Doctors, and other healthcare professionals showed towards him, made him to overcome the sufferings, had always motivated me to continue being passionate about my healthcare career in spite of all difficulties in this pathway. There was nothing the medicine can do in his late 80s, unless giving him support and joyful time in his remaining days. I still remember the Physician and his assistant who always visited him and advised to be bold and prepared to face everything. He trusted his care group .Their words made his last moments of death a peaceful one. From that day onwards, I had no other thought of what to become in future. My fiance, a software engineer, had made plans to immigrate to the United States and pursue further training in Java. When I told him about my interest in medical field, he immediately encouraged me to apply to PA school once we reached America. After all, America was the land of opportunity- a place where you could set out to achieve whatever dreams you may have in your heart. During my husband’s training, he mentioned to me that he had several co-workers who were engineers or lawyers, who successfully made medicine their second career. Elated by his encouragement and excited about the prospect of becoming a PA, I planned to complete the prerequisites to PA school with a 4.0 GPA. I learned quickly to manage my time efficiently between taking care of my kids and studying for my course work. My rotation in the holistic clinic in our final year of homeopathic school has also greatly influenced me. Life stress and unhealthy habits cause most of today’s illnesses. I found that although most physicians do an excellent job of counseling patients on which drugs to take, they spend little time talking about healthy life habits. The prospect of treating the patient as a whole rather than his or her complains alone was, to me, the way to go. I am especially interested in being a physician assistant in the field of Internal Medicine. The physician assistant, to me, is like a detective, gathering all the clues and arriving at a logical diagnosis. Since it is so broad, and since its sub-specialties are so well developed, I believe that Internal Medicine is the most challenging of all specialties Charisma is a trait difficult to learn but from my childhood days, I have practiced to gain very quickly the attention, respect and trust of others by a good smile. Being a good team player, excellent communication skills, my passion and my dedication helped me providing good quality care to my patients. The rewards that come from improving the patients’ quality of life have motivated me to become an influential and successful healthcare professional and I assure this would add to my Physician assistant Program as well. With all these experiences in medical field and my intense desire to continue as a healthcare professional, I hope, specifically, Physician Assistant would be a perfect match. Patience and persistence are essential twins needed in healthcare profession and hope I have achieved it during my clinical experience. Through my healthcare experiences, I have grown not only as healthcare professional, but also an individual. I have become a great listener, an assertive partner, and a positive worker to the patients and healthcare team which are important attributes for a Physician Assistant. Determination, perseverance and hard work have taught me how to succeed throughout life. Along with my passion for medicine and healing people, my desire to provide quality care to underserved communities, my life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs into the person I am today which has motivated me to be an influential and successful Physician Assistant in future. I am very much attracted to the career of being a Physician Assistant. I want to help as many people as I can. The medical field is not easy in any way; from the vigorous studying to the emotional attachment to a patient. I know that I am prepared, and will be even more equipped once a Physician Assistant. I believe ‘The future should always be seen as bright and optimistic. I always believe in positive thinking. The Power of Positive Thinking, I prefer the positives in my personal and everyday lives. I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients. With all my experiences inside and outside of the United States, I strongly believe that I will make a great Physician Assistant. Having lived and studied in Middle east (Dubai and Abudhabi), India and now in the United States, I can speak Malayalam, Hindi and English and I believe that I can enrich the cultural diversity of the class. To become a Physician Assistant, requires life-long hard work, persistence, patience, dedication and above all, the right kind of right temperament. I believe that my training in homeopathic medicine gives me a unique and different perspective on patient care, that when combined with my training as a Physician Assistant can be invaluable in delivering excellent patient care. I hope to not only treat my patients, but also their family member’s wounded spirits. I look forward to the next stage in my professional life with great enthusiasm. Thank you for your consideration. Personal Statement Examples #16   I would love some feedback on my essay! I am just over 4500 characters, so I have a little wiggle room for editing From an older sister caring for seven little sibling to an in-charge paramedic, my life has been full of unique experiences that have molded me into the healthcare provider I am today. I never thought I would seek to further my education past a baccalaureate level, after all, my higher education was supposed to prepare me for an inevitable role as a stay-at-home wife and mother. However, working as a paramedic and earning a degree Emergency Health Sciences has awoken a passion for medicine that drives me forward. As I work on the ambulance I am constantly plagued by my desire to do more for my patients. This insatiable desire to expand my knowledge in order to effectively help the ill and injured provides my motivation for becoming a physician assistant. As the second oldest in a family of nine children, homeschooled in a small religious subculture, my academic journey has been anything but normal. My parents taught me to be both an independent learner and a teacher to my siblings. Although my parents emphasized rigorous academics, my time as a child was split balancing schoolwork and caring for my younger siblings. I poignantly remember sitting at the kitchen table teaching myself biology late into the evening, tired after a long day of babysitting my siblings. I tried to study earlier, but my mother had been busy, leaving me with little time for school until the children were tucked into bed. As I struggled to stay awake the thought of a career in the medical field seemed like a pipe dream. Little did I know, those days spent studying index cards while cooking dinner and wiping little noses taught me invaluable skills in time management, responsibility, and empathy. These skills have proven to be the key to success in both my education and career as a paramedic. After I completed my EMT-Basic certification in high school, I knew my future lay in the medical field. In an attempt to follow my parents’ requirement to enter a course of study deemed “appropriate” for a woman, I began pursuing a degree in nursing. During the first semester of my freshman year, my family fell on difficult financial times and I had to develop a backup plan. Feeling the weight of responsibility to ease the financial strain on my family, I utilized credit by exam to test out of my remaining core curriculum and entered a fast-paced paramedic program. Becoming a paramedic has proven to be the most formative decision in my life thus far. As the youngest in-charge paramedic at my company, I once again felt a heavy weight of responsibility as I stretched my leadership skills to new levels. Not only is the in-charge paramedic responsible for patient care decisions, my EMT partner and local first responders look to me for direction and scene management. The skills I acquired caring for my family have served me well, as I was recently promoted to a field training officer. Not only has my job allowed me to break free from the familial constraints that hindered a career in medicine, it has taught me the true purpose of healthcare. Emergency medicine is not merely a job; it is an opportunity to touch the lives of others during times of pain and suffering. The physical, mental, and emotional stress of being a paramedic pushes me to a critical level where I am forced to overcome these obstacles or fail my patients. Faced with chaos and life and death situations I must garner all my time management and mental capacities to provide rapid, accurate, and empathetic care to my patients. These challenges have sharpened my intellect, but more importantly they have made me a stronger and more compassionate person. Interacting with individuals of all ages and walks of life has caused my studies to come alive and fuels my desire to continue my education as a physician assistant. Diseases are no longer a list of diagnostic criteria in a textbook; they take on faces and names with tangible struggles and symptoms. These experiences have opened my eyes to a level of suffering too compelling to dismiss. I must be more and know more so that I may do more. Working with these patients, I feel restrained by my knowledge and skill level. I once thought that earning my degree in emergency medicine would serve to break these restraints, but the opposite has occurred. The more I learn the more I realize how vast the study of medicine is, and my ardor to continue my education grows. Becoming a physician assistant is my opportunity to break these restraints and continue onward in a life dedicated to learning and service to the ill and injured. Personal Statement Examples