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butchdogthing · 2 years

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wrote a garashir fic check it out

title: Accommodations

summary:

"I have autism." By the delivery of it, it felt as though there was an expectation that Garak should know what that meant. — Julian asks Garak to make him a new uniform.

5k words, general audiences (but heed CWs below), garak and bashir silly flirty friendship shit. julian is autistic.

notes:

references to major spoilers through early season 7 - takes place between s07e03 “Afterimage” and s07e21 “When It Rains…”

content warnings: big warning for anti-autistic ableism and child abuse. eugenics and so-called “treatments” are discussed. some language is used which may be considered outdated, pathologizing, or not-preferred, but there are no slurs. i’ll tell you that it ends on a positive note.

also available on archiveofourown. if you enjoy it go hit kudos on there! you dont need an account to do so. and uhhh idk, i likely won’t use this blog for anything really, follow me on twitter, art account is butchdogthing and star trek account is omicrontheyta

story under the cut. some more notes at the end.

"Alterations are one thing, Doctor, but to craft an entirely new uniform?"

"Are you saying you're not up for the task?"

"Not at all! I'm merely surprised - aren't there regulations against that sort of thing?"

This earned Garak a skeptical scowl from Doctor Bashir, who pushed off from the shop wall against which he'd been leaning. "From what I understand, you were happy to make a uniform for Nog ." There was a definite tone of accusation to the statement, but he took it in stride, waving a hand dismissively in Bashir's direction.

"No one looks at a lowly Ensign long enough to even tell his species , let alone notice that his uniform is cut from Bolian cotton rather than Terran polyester." - he made a point of eyeing the doctor up and down, from head to toe - "But the Chief Medical Officer of a space station? The station at the head of the war against the Dominion, no less? Everyone's got their eye on him . And I'd like to keep my tail attached, not add it to some austere Admiral's trophy collection when the question arises of just who aided and abetted in Doctor Bashir's dismissal of uniform code."

Bashir crossed his arms. "Garak, please, you're being beyond overreactive right now."

"Oh, am I?"

"No one pays attention to that regulation anyway. It's just meant to deter officers from looking flashier than their superiors. It's an ego thing. So long as the materials are sufficiently resistant to fire and corrosion, no one will so much as bat an eye. That goes for me as well as my supplier ."

"Hmm..."

Garak put on a show of giving the reassurance a great deal of thought.

"Please?" - Bashir's voice dropped to a gentler tone.

One of life's greatest joys, Garak thought, was to push his dear friend into a position of pleading for something Garak had already intended on providing to him all along. First came Bashir's proposal. Then the reasoning. Then Garak would play at refusal, usually citing his busy schedule, and Bashir would dutifully take the role of the reasonable man, the scientist, presenting logic against Garak's reluctance. Without cooperation, finally logic would give way to begging, until he left Garak with no choice but to either paint himself the unreasonable villain or to reluctantly, mercifully concede.

And Bashir's face during the pleading was Garak's favorite part.

"I may be persuaded."

Just as quickly as he'd crossed them, Bashir uncrossed his arms and gave a critical squint toward Garak.

"You're not afraid of being reprimanded by starfleet, you just wanted to twist my arm into haggling with you!"

Being caught in the game made it no less fun. Besides - the doctor was smart, Garak reasoned, surely he caught on from time to time that he was being toyed with. Yet he still played along.

Garak turned to face him. "Nonsense, Doctor! What gives you the impression that I'm not simply being difficult for sport?"

The question apparently did not deserve to be dignified with an acknowledgement. "What's your price?"

Garak allowed him to stew for a moment.

"Only that you finish reading ‘In The Heart of The Devil’ ."

" ‘In The’ - what, the judicial romance novel? Garak-"

"If my culture so disgusts you, Doctor, I'm sure there are innumerable human tailors in this quadrant, in this sector even, who'd be more than willing to take your business."

"I'm not disgusted, Garak, I've read dozens of Cardassian works." Garak said nothing in return, only stared. Bashir held steady for a moment - then, sure enough, cracked and crumpled. A shame that it was over so quickly, Garak thought, he'd have to find some time to give the good doctor a lecture in fortitude. Apparently defeated, Bashir continued: "I, I found it boring. I fell asleep reading that dreadful book."

"But you hardly made it past the post-prologue!" He placed down the piece he'd been working on and threw his hands up in the air. Bashir scoffed at the display, but Garak only shook his head. "I don't see how you expect to enjoy it without even giving it a chance. It's really quite a cerebral story, especially once you've surmounted the second act."

"And if I read the whole book, then you'll make me the uniform?"

"Free of charge. In fact, you don't even have to read it first . Get started as soon as possible, and I'll have your garments ready by the end of the week. I trust you'll keep your word."

"Really?"

"Would you rather I took the offer back?"

"Well, no. It's just that you haven't exactly got a reputation for being..." - He turned his hand over in front of himself, searching for the right word, until Garak offered -

"Generous?"

" Trusting. "

"Ah, how disconcerting - maybe that counselor friend of yours is making more of an impression than I realized." Garak frowned. "But in any case, Doctor Bashir, I've found that a happy client makes for a happy businessman."

Until that point, Garak had been working on small tasks around the shop, but now stopped to get his equipment for working on Bashir.

"I'm not sure that ‘happy’ describes how I feel at the prospect of keeping up my end of this bargain." Despite what he was saying, the doctor smiled and appeared at ease.

"So, tell me - what are you looking for? A brighter hue, a tighter waist perhaps?"

Bashir blushed and looked down. "No, the color and the cut are fine, it's the material."

Garak deflated upon hearing this - he would have loved the chance to exhibit some artistic liberties with Bashir's fashion, but his frequent offers to pretty the doctor up were always either turned down or had drab and nullifying limitations placed upon them.

He reached out to catch the sleeve of Bashir's Starfleet jacket between two fingers and a thumb. He felt the material of the outer jacket, then slipped his fingers under the teal sleeve below. When his scaled knuckles brushed against Bashir's wrist, Garak found his human skin to be smooth and delightfully warm. "What's wrong with it?"

Bashir pulled his hand (and, by extension, his sleeve) away from Garak and held it close to himself, again turning it in a circular motion as he seemed to search for his words. I hope I haven't bothered him.

"Actually - I suppose the fit could use some work. This jacket is stifling." After a nod from Garak, he continued. "The material, it's... Too..." - Bashir squinted - " Catching . It clings to my skin, as if electrically charged."

This was not the impression Garak had gotten from the fabric. "And a different material would be preferable?"

Garak eyed the doctor carefully. Not with caution, or delicacy, or suspicion - just with the careful and attentive gaze one would lend to a curiosity, or to a friend when you're just getting to learn something new about them. He wasn't sure if Bashir would notice the change in demeanor, but then again, his perceptive nature had, at times, surprised Garak in the past.

If Bashir saw how Garak was looking at him, he wondered, then how would he interpret the look? Or the touch, for that matter? If their literary discussions were anything to go off of, his ability to accurately read meaning into implicit gestures was greatly impaired, by Cardassian standards, or at least unconventional.

Bashir nodded. "My old uniform was much better..."

The new uniform's rollout was fresh in Garak's mind. He was quick to ask Bashir (or, rather, his changeling doppelgänger) for an opportunity to take a closer look at its construction. Careful investigation revealed the previous blend of natural and synthetic fibers had been retired in favor of wholly synthetic material. Apparently, supply issues led Starfleet to reconsider how they clothed their officers, and mass-replicated textiles proved most practical. Despite all the millions of man-hours of research put into the subject since the replicator's inception, by chemists and agriculturalists and animal farmers and Garak's own tailor brethren, the structure of animal- and plant-based fibers had yet to be adequately recreated. Growing it the old-fashioned way was still the only option, and made it inconvenient for such large-scale operations as these.

Quieter this time, Bashir spoke again: "I miss my old uniform."

"The one you wore in the prison camp?"

He knew the answer, but asked anyway. There was a need to explicitly acknowledge that fact between the two of them, to establish the timeline.

"Yes." - quieter still.

"Why, that was two years ago, and I haven't had any of my other Starfleet customers come to me with complaints about the material."

"Well, I'm not your other Starfleet customers."

"No, your taste is much more discerning. " Garak smiled at Bashir, and he weakly smiled back.

"I suppose so."

"With the war going on, many of my suppliers have run dry, but - I may have the right material in my stores already..." Leaving his side, Garak turned, deeper into the shop, searching.

The dreary manner was gone from Bashir's voice as he spoke up from behind, usual affectation of self-assuredness (or self-centeredness) in its place. "You can ask, you know."

Garak turned around. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're referring to, Doctor."

This wasn't entirely truthful: he could sense something was peculiar about Bashir's demeanor today, from the moment he'd walked in the shop. Initially, Garak had suspected it was to do with the fact that the shop was even open for business at all - meaning that he was taking on tailoring work again, something which Bashir would likely have opinions about - but as their chat moved along, he started to feel that this wasn't the case. Then his curiosity had been piqued by the ‘catching’ fabric comment, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was some sort of connection, a thread tying it all together.

Now, that thread had presented itself, and all Garak had to do was pull.

"It's unusual, and I figure you're curious about why I hate my uniform so much when no one else cares. So I'm telling you - you can ask me why." He put on a gentle smile, like the one he always used on his pediatric patients. "I won't be offended."

But it wasn't as fun when the thread was quite literally asking to be pulled. The investigation, the interrogation, was the real thrill of it. But once it laid itself out in this way there was no enjoyment left in even trying to make a game of it. He'd have to give Doctor Bashir yet another lecture about subtlety, as well.

Noting that his itinerary was filling up at an alarming rate, Garak gave in, and turned back to his selections of cloth. "Alright. Why?"

"I have autism."

By the delivery of it, it felt as though there was an expectation that Garak should know what that meant.

He knew enough at least to sense that a few seconds' pause - of ‘dawning understanding’ - was likely appropriate.

"Oh... I see."

"Until - until recently, I never wanted to... Acknowledge it. Finally telling people, talking about it," he sighed, "it feels good."

"And you didn't want to, because?"

"I suppose I thought I could power through it. And that it was something to be ashamed of."

"What's the prognosis, then, Doctor?"

A genuine question, but easy enough to pass off as a joke if needed. But the doctor just laughed and said, "Well, I'll always be autistic."

Grabbing a few bolts of cloth, blends similar to the constituents of the old uniform, Garak returned to Bashir and laid the materials on a table.

The initial impression he'd gotten was that this ‘autism’ was a disease, perhaps of the skin. Garak had had the rare client or two in the past who broke out in rashes when exposed to certain animal hairs. But then Bashir's use of ‘autistic’ - an adjective? Something significant enough to one's position in the world that it needed its own descriptor? - had thrown off the dermatological illness hypothesis. Unless it's terminal, he thought, slow-progressing enough that he feels it won't significantly impact his lifespan.

Or he could be dying as we speak, and doesn't have the heart to tell me.

But Garak brushed this thought aside - surely the doctor had more sense than to try ‘powering through’ a terminal illness. That couldn't be it.

A lesson Garak had resisted learning on Cardassia was the need to back down at times, and to admit to a conversational partner that he didn't follow what was going on. Vulnerability was a danger, betraying his lack of information carried severe consequences, and stubborn adherence to a persona of understanding had nearly always served him well. These schemas never posed a problem until well into his time on Deep Space Nine - his non-Cardassian acquaintances seemed to be constantly calling him out on his lies, and worse still was that some of them seemed hurt by the behavior. It was a hard habit to break, but Dax encouraged him to practice as much as possible.

A version of her voice urged him now to put that skill to the test.

"...I must admit, I'm unfamiliar with this human..." - ‘disease’? Was it a disease? It stung to be this honest - "...Concept."

"Oh." It seemed to take a moment for him to fully realize the meaning. "Oh! Of course you would be."

Glancing from his friend's eyes down to the selection of fabrics on the table before them, Garak waited. Bashir reached for the farthest one and stroked it.

"Autism is, um... People with autism have differences in brain function, so they - we - experience difficulties in cognition, language, executing social behaviors, and... Sensory processing. Hence, the uniform."

"Ah, a mental disorder, then."

"Yes. Well," he furrowed his brow deeply and frowned, vigorously fiddling a corner of fabric in one hand, a face of concentration but lacking that same focus in voice, "it's not that simple, I suppose. But in a sense, it could be considered... A mental disorder." He seemed to regain his senses and treated the cloth with more care. "...I like this one, for the interior."

Pulling a few feet from the roll, Garak held the fabric in front of Bashir's body. "The color isn't quite right. I'll have to source some in a bluer shade."

"I think that'll do quite nicely, Garak."

Garak beamed. For all the hassle he liked to give Bashir, it pleased Garak to please him.

"So, um - do you have any questions?"

"Will you take off your jacket, Doctor?"

"I meant, about-"

"I understood. I do have some things I'm curious about." Garak paused for a moment. "These ‘cognitive difficulties’ - is that why you were unable to finish ‘In The Heart of The Devil’ ?"

Bashir grinned as he pulled the zipper down. "I think there's a fair number of factors we can blame before we pin it on autism."

"Oh, such as?"

"It's not cognitively taxing. I told you, it's just boring! " As it always did when he raised his voice, it sounded like Bashir had never yelled before in his life and was holding back for fear of hurting himself. He handed over the black and gray jacket.

"How does that human expression go - ‘there's no accounting for taste’?"

"Explain to me, where does the ‘taste’ lie in a forty-page monologue detailing The Conservator's entire life history of staunchly abiding by the law?"

"You should know by now, the-" Garak began, but was interrupted.

"I know, I know, it would be irresponsible -"

" Unconscionable! "

"- to leave any shadow of a doubt that the main character is a pristine example of an obedient Cardassian citizen."

When he finished, the room went completely quiet. Even from the other side of the Promenade, cries of ‘Dabo!’ could be heard. After several seconds of perfectly orchestrated dramatic silence, Garak spoke again.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Before we get any further in this discussion, tell me -" He held out a hand and touched Bashir's upper arm, "just who do you believe to be the main character of the novel?"

"Now, what kind of a question is that?" Bashir jerked away slightly, but the expression on his face seemed more playful than truly bothered.

"Humor me, Doctor."

"The Conservator! Obviously!"

"Of course you would think that." Pulling his hand away, Garak located an autoripper and ran it along several of the jacket's seams. He'd make the appropriate adjustments on this one, and use it as a guide in assembling the new one from scratch.

"What do you mean by that? " The doctor scoffed.

"I mean no insult, Doctor - your intellect is clearly intact - but your worldview reeks unmistakably of the culture in which you've lived." It took all the resolve and strength of will in his being to not add ‘Or perhaps I should say the lack thereof.’

"Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!"

Garak blinked. "The pot and the kettle?"

"Earth idiom, meaning ‘to point out a quality in another that the speaker also possesses’." He poked Garak squarely in the chest to drive home his point. " Hypocrisy ."

Huffing, Garak continued. "Obviously, one must be inevitably shaped by his environment, no matter who he is. But the difference between you and I, Doctor, is one of choosing to expand one's horizons once he has been shaped. I find you Federation types are all too pleased to let your horizons stay just where they've always been." He handed the garment back over to be tried on. "Ironic, for a group that so prides itself in its quest for diversity ."

"You know, Garak, you always make such a point of, of positioning Cardassia as an other to the Federation, to draw upon our differences," Bashir paused until Garak hummed acknowledgement, with pins now held between his lips. "As unlikely as it is, I can't help but imagine what you'd do if Cardassia ever were to join the Federation. Half of our lunchtime debates would fall flat then and there."

Garak lifted a hand to his mouth to remove the sewing notions. "I shudder at the thought! You shouldn't even joke about the idea - for all you know, I might even lose my concentration enough that I could stab you with one of these pins!"

At this, Bashir laughed a little - a nervous and stuttered little noise, as if he wasn't sure whether to take the threat seriously - and squirmed under Garak's touch.

"...Why, accidentally , of course. Stop moving." Garak grabbed his friend by the shoulders, steadying him, then looked up to meet his eyes and smiled his best non-threatening plain and simple smile.

At this gesture, Bashir relaxed - marginally, but relaxed nonetheless. The ease with which the doctor would let his guard down, the minimal display of friendliness that it took, had always fascinated Garak. Such a demeanor would have made for a terrible operative in the Order. But, Garak supposed this unrelenting pleasantness was one of the factors that had most intrigued him and drawn him in to Bashir's acquaintance after the thrill of meeting wore off.

I still wonder if those holosuite programs of his are rigged.

"So if I'm wrong, about the main character," - He paused while Garak made an adjustment - "then why don't you enlighten me?"

"I don't recall telling you that you were wrong." Bashir opened his mouth, presumably to object, but Garak continued, "You really must hold still right now. Besides - the narrative's unraveling is its charm, I'd hate to spoil the story and rob you of the chance to experience it for yourself."

"Certainly." He held in a deep breath and spoke quietly, trying not to move as much as he could help it, but the sarcasm came through in his tone regardless.

For a while, Garak worked in pleasant silence, adding and removing pins around Bashir until the jacket fit just right - or, as close as he could get it, considering the material. In addition to rebuilding the inner components of the uniform from scratch with an analog of the old uniform’s material, he wanted to rebuild the jacket in a looser fit as well. For that, he had a particular fabric in mind, more breathable than its current construction but thicker and sturdier still than the inner material.

Eventually, Garak broke the silence.

"You say you have this ‘autism’. What is the social standing for humans with this disorder?"

"Well... That's sort of hard to say. Today, on Earth, autistic people are granted the same rights under the law as anyone else. I'm not big on history, but it used to be quite terrible, from what I've heard, in the pre-contact times... Now, in practice, it all depends on how well each individual is able to blend in or to make themselves useful. Some of our greatest scholars and artists have been on the spectrum." - Garak inferred that this phrase related in some way to autism, but made a mental note to ask about it later regardless - "But if you can't act normal and can't contribute, you won't get far."

Garak processed this for a moment.

"On Cardassia,” he began, “children with mental disorders are seen as a burden to the family. If an embryo is found to be defective, it's generally destroyed before viability. Those who are born tend to live out their lives in institutions."

"That's horrible." Bashir’s expression was a mix of sadness and disgust.

"Hm. We should both be grateful you weren't born on my homeworld, or the two of us would never have had a chance to be acquainted." Garak felt he was out of his element here - comfort had never really been in the repertoire of interactions modeled for him. "...For as much as my opinion is worth, you seem very ‘normal’ to me, Doctor."

Bashir stiffened a bit -

"That's because I've had my whole life to practice the act. And it comes at a price."

- And he didn’t seem at all pleased as he said it.

Garak wondered if he’d said or done the wrong thing. He didn’t understand why it would be the wrong thing - being normal was good - but he didn’t see any other apparent explanation for Bashir’s response.

"What is that price?"

" You've paid the price, Garak. Think of how cold it is here, and the havoc that that chronic stress wreaks on your body. Think of having to put on a face for your customers. Or having to pretend -" He searched for his words, "pretend to be an entirely different person than you are, never dropping the façade."

It’s no easy feat, but that’s simply the way life is, the way it has to be.

That’s what he’d been taught, at least.

You just have to suck it up.

Garak thought of his talks with Dax, though, and what she had said about the so-called flaws in his traditional Cardassian upbringing, and how he’d supposedly been ‘traumatized’ by it. She still didn’t have him fully convinced, but in the interest of respecting other cultures he felt it would be prudent to humor her here and not give voice to these critical thoughts.

"It seems it's been... Hard for you."

Bashir scoffed. "You don't know the half of it."

"Surely there are ways of treating the condition at its source."

"Oh, they tried. That's what the genetic enhancements were for."

"But they didn't work."

"Well, the treatments certainly changed me, there's no denying that. Before, I couldn't even pretend to be normal. Couldn't follow most conversations. It rid me of some of my difficulties. Gave me some new ones, as well. But as I said, I'll always be autistic. At the core, it's not something that can be... Extracted. It's just who I am."

"I see.” He wasn’t sure he truly did, but he was trying to. Plus, it seemed what his friend needed right now was to feel understood. “And those genetic enhancements - that is the only treatment option?"

"More or less. If you can even call it a ‘treatment’. Of course, there's also the option to just try to bully and torture the disability away. My father gave me a plentiful taste of that .” As if sensing that Garak was going to say something on the choice of words - he wasn’t - Bashir continued, “I mean - what, what he did wasn't quite tantamount to torture, on a physical level, but... I've heard stories."

The work on the uniform had been paused and forgotten by now.

"The method I believe you're describing is seen as the golden standard for those Cardassian children who are well enough to avoid institutionalization but who don't quite conform to societal expectations."

"Somehow I doubt the Cardassian parents who employ it would recognize it as bullying." Bashir’s voice turned from that aggrieved and hurt tone to something a little softer, sweeter - bordering on sympathetic in a way that made Garak’s scales crawl.

"What we would call a stern hand has often been labeled ‘abusive’ by outsiders."

Meant to be a deflection, Garak’s statement seemed to have the opposite effect. The doctor’s sympathy now appeared as full-blown compassion across his face, and Garak found himself wishing desperately that he hadn’t turned the conversation in this direction at all.

He worried for a moment that Dax had forgotten her vow of confidentiality as a counselor, that she’d spaced out like she always did and let slip Garak’s tales of childhood woe, that Bashir’s unsolicited care here stemmed from pitying Garak in the knowledge of what Tain used to do to him.

But, he reminded himself, Tain likely already appeared as a less-than-ideal father in Bashir’s eyes - even aside from the issue of the closet. That was probably the reason for the sympathy, and that was a somewhat more tolerable explanation.

Still, it made him uneasy. He decided to change the subject.

"There's another thing I don't understand, Doctor."

He felt that he was treading on unsteady ground here, perhaps throwing knives at the vole’s nest, but he wanted to fully understand the issue, and as it was he barely understood.

He could also tell that Bashir had some mixed and unspoken feelings on the matter, and may need a well-placed push in order to work through them. He took in a breath and continued.

"You struggle due to your autism." Bashir nodded in acknowledgement. "And your suffering is compounded as well by your efforts to deny your autism." He paused again - now Bashir did not nod - and he continued, "Your parents - your father - made the decision to have you altered, in an attempt to fix you - arguably, a decision made with your well-being in mind."

Bashir shifted uncomfortably where he stood. He didn’t meet Garak’s eyes. Garak continued:

"Had it gone as they'd wished, you'd be free of this affliction. Yet you resent your parents for what they did. Why?"

"Well, they haven't ever given me a good reason not to resent them! What kind of a thing to say is that? What kind of a question is that?" Bashir had been so quiet before, seemed so perturbed, that when he spoke now Garak startled. Preparing to explain his rationale, Garak opened his mouth to speak, but Bashir interrupted him. "No - I know this is new to you, I don't fault you for that. And that's hardly the first time I've heard the sentiment."

It was a small comfort, at least, to know their relationship’s standing had not been injured. Bashir’s voice rose - again, with that quality of trepidation - as he carried on.

"It's because it was my life and body and future, and they made the choice for me without any regard for what I wanted. And- and I know it's different, on... On Cardassia... But on Earth there are these expectations for how a child is to be treated - with respect, as if they were an adult, and with patience, gentleness, care, and love, because, because they are a child. "

He stopped only long enough to take a breath.

"There was no respect in that decision, no respect at all for my autonomy, my capacity to think or to have my own desires... Even if it was in a different capacity than other children. No patience to see what kind of person I could have become... They said it was because they loved me, and I'm sure they think they do - Oh, I bet it really feels like love, to them at least - but it's not a love that I recognize. And..."

After this trailing off, Garak stood there, and waited. The pause stretched on, Bashir’s face turned away to look at something on the other side of the shop, until Garak began to wonder if he’d even had anything more to say at all, or if maybe he’d simply forgotten to keep talking.

When he did pick up again, the sound of it was low and sorrowful.

"...It's not a bad thing. To be autistic. To have a child who is. I thought it was, for so long, because of all this. You know, you hear about it," - at this, Garak thought to himself, he didn’t hear about it, but he understood the meaning behind it - "you hear someone's just found out their little girl has autism, and you're supposed to feel sorry for them, pity them, grieve everything she's holding her family back from doing. And her subjective experience? Even if she's a healthy and happy and joyful child, it doesn't matter. It's ‘tragic’, only I don't think it really is."

Bashir sighed. "I've friends who are autistic, too, except they're not all augments like me. And I don't think anything - not a single thing - is wrong with them. As, as people, that is, of course there are sleep disturbances and digestive disorders, and - but, as people , they've as much a right to exist as anyone.” He raised his voice again as he said this. Despite feeling like a stranger to the nature of the conversation, Garak couldn’t help but admire Bashir’s passion. “ We have a right to exist. I do, and I don't have to pretend I've risen ‘above’ autism somehow to acknowledge that, I think. And I damn well don't have to be thankful to the people who tried to make me into something I'm not."

He turned back to face Garak again, seeming to have finally lost his steam. "I don't know... I'm sorry for blowing up on you like that, Garak."

"If that's the worst you have in store for me when ‘blowing up’, I should consider myself lucky." He delivered this with an easy smile, but then felt perhaps it wasn’t appropriate. I don’t know what else to say . Garak cleared his throat. "...Evidently, this is something which you feel strongly about."

After a moment, Bashir nodded. "It is. It's confusing, too - because I still don't feel good about it. I know that it's right. That being like this is just another way to exist, and that it's not a lesser way of being. But I suppose the damage's been done and I can't seem to internalize it for myself. I treat patients who are autistic. I told you, I have friends who are. They're proud of it. And at the same time, they're people who are whole and complex. When I think about - about Doctor Julian Bashir, Chief Medical Officer... I don't know. It's different. I can't imagine being taken seriously."

Garak wrapped his fingers loosely around Bashir’s wrist, hoping the reassurance in the action came through. "I won't claim to entirely understand the position you're in. You are... Aware of the differences in our cultures."

People who were disabled, and people who otherwise failed or refused to conform, didn’t exist in the public eye in Cardassian culture. Those who were in any way different had to make a choice between hiding it (and hiding it well) or living on the fringes. Anything less would place too much power in the mind of the citizen - power that came at the expense of the state.

They both knew this, though. To point it out anyway, though intended to illustrate his point, could be construed as rubbing it in.

It made him uneasy to show sentiment and vulnerability, just as it had stung to be honest, but there was no one else in the galaxy that Garak would rather be so sentimental toward. He continued.

"Should anyone judge you for a congenital difference, let them judge. Your merit as a doctor and as a friend will more than prove that judgment to be a reflection of their own character rather than yours."

"...You really mean that, Garak?"

He nodded - using such explicitly caring vocal language would have been too much in that moment. Being this open was beginning to wear him down, and the line had to be drawn somewhere. He let Bashir’s wrist fall from his grip, and gestured to take the jacket in his hands. "... Are you familiar with the Vulcan philosophy of ‘Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations’?"

"Passably familiar." Bashir smiled. "It hadn't occurred to me to apply that philosophy here."

"Some Vulcan you are."

Bashir’s optimistic little smile turned to a grin, and he chuckled boisterously, wrestling the jacket off without dislodging any of its pins. "Thank you."

"What did I say about happy clients?"

"Still, you didn't have to... Do this. It means a lot."

It was true. He wouldn’t do this - act this way, be so willing to talk and to truly listen, be so friendly - with any other client.

"Hm." He smiled. "Now, tell me, my dear Doctor - what has brought this all up all of a sudden?"

"I'm glad you asked. Recently, I received a subspace message from a friend of mine serving on the Enterprise, Commander Data -"

"The android?"

With palpable enthusiasm, Bashir nodded and continued.

Garak had a feeling the conversation would prove to be very interesting yet.

------

end notes:

1) julian’s feelings here are largely reflective of my own point of view regarding autism back when i was a teen. i knew it was something normal and value-neutral that i had to accept about myself, but at the same time i felt fine calling it a disorder/illness and i heard sentiments from others that made me feel ashamed of it, so my feelings were very complicated. having since made more autistic friends and engaged more with online disabled (+ disability activist) communities as a whole, i have a much healthier happier viewpoint/understanding of my autism now. hopefully julian can obtain that as well.

2) mega thanks to my handsome genius wife for giving me the idea “julian goes to garak for help getting some sensory-friendly clothes for his autism”. accordingly, i wanna dedicate this story to my beloved schizospectrum brethren. no one has made me feel as understood, as worthwhile, or as human in my autism as they have.

3) i actually wrote up several paragraphs about ‘in the heart of the devil’ detailing its premise, because at first i thought it would be a lot more involved in this story - here’s that, if you wish to see.

#garashir #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #elim garak #butchdogthing

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luna-tiel · 3 years

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Communication

As an autistic fan, I was not pleased by how Entrapta was treated by her fellow princesses, the people that are supposed to be her friends. It’s been on my mind lately, especially after my recent rewatch of season 5. In my opinion, Entrapta’s dynamic with the Alliance was a golden opportunity for the writers to demonstrate healthy communication. I’ll be focusing on the episode Launch, delving into why I feel like that particular episode models unhealthy group dynamics.

This may be a bit of a ramble, but I’ll do my best!

Relationships are a system. While it may be tempting to single out a person as the problem that needs fixing, in most cases the behavior of all members plays a part in how it functions. Entrapta’s isolation from the princesses is a self-fulfilling cycle. She is enlisted for a project, her excitement annoys the others, confirming their expectation that Entrapta only cares about the project, thus they distance themselves from her, or get angry, and Entrapta’s attempt to connect with them via her work fails, confirming her belief she’s not suited for friendship.

Let’s look at Entrapta from the eyes of the Alliance. To them (and certain members of the audience, it seems), Entrapta lacks empathy. This is a common misunderstanding concerning people with autism. Autistic individuals are often very empathetic, but because they may have trouble reading and understanding social cues and connecting with the emotions of other people, this lack of connection reads as a lack of empathy.

One of Entrapta’s clearest moments of compassion is when Hordak faints in front of her. She may not be the best at reading people, but when Hordak collapses, it’s clear he needs help, and Entrapta doesn’t hesitate to rush to his side and do anything she can think of to take care of him. When she knows someone is hurt, when she knows they need her support, she offers it immediately.

Mermista, Perfuma, Glimmer and the rest haven’t seen Entrapta’s capacity for empathy the way the audience has. In their eyes, Entrapta does only care about tech. Entrapta left the Alliance, built robots for the Horde, and made armor for Hordak that made him a force to be reckoned with in battle. The princesses have a right to be upset about that. They may not see any reason to believe Entrapta cares about their safety. Fine. Once Entrapta is back with the Alliance at the start of season 5, the princesses are given the opportunity to own their feelings and talk it out. Tell Entrapta how her actions made them feel. Express their hurt, their doubts, and their fears. Give Entrapta the opportunity to respond.

Instead of doing this, the princesses distract her so they can talk about her behind her back, and Scorpia has to beg Mermista to give Entrapta a chance before they reluctantly allow her to aid the mission to track Prime’s signal. Despite their anger and resentment, and mistrusting Entrapta to the point of believing she might betray them as soon as she gets close to the spire, no one says anything to Entrapta directly.

Mermista expects Entrapta to disregard the group’s safety in the pursuit of her special interest. She doesn’t trust Entrapta to help the group unless Entrapta is bribed with the prospect of going to space, and talks down to her repeatedly throughout the episode. Perfuma is anxious that Entrapta will lose focus and wander off, and thus leashes her to try and maintain control over the situation.

The narrative frames these as natural reactions. In their minds, why should they trust Entrapta? She’s so spacy she doesn’t even remember who Glimmer is. However, examining the language the princesses use when talking to Entrapta, they are not trying to reason with her -- they have zero patience from the start. Only after Mermista and the others blow up at Entrapta when the mission goes wrong, and she proves she cares about them by continuing to help anyway, does their opinion of her start to change.

The onus is put on Entrapta to prove she cares about her friends, when it should be a joint responsibility. Healthy friendships are built on foundations of mutual trust and communication. Just one of the princesses could have tried to talk to Entrapta in a clear direct manner that wasn’t emotionally charged or condescending. Instead of judging and accusing her, they could have taken responsibility for their own feelings, and expressed their hurt in a more effective way.

Had the team talked it out, had they made an attempt to trust Entrapta instead of seeing her as an accessory to drag along (when she is the key piece in the mission), things could have gone more smoothly. Entrapta didn’t need to be controlled, she needed to be the one in control. The evidence? Once Mermista realizes Entrapta is trustworthy -- that she does care about them, and about Glimmer -- Mermista shifts the entire plan. The team then rallies behind Entrapta to cover her as she leads them forward.

This should have been a lesson to the Alliance. They made assumptions about Entrapta, and they were incorrect. All it would have taken was a small moment of apology or a real attempt to understand what went wrong. They’ve all made their mistakes, but now they can move forward and try to do better. Instead, it’s framed as if Entrapta needed to prove she truly cares about everyone, which is just… disheartening, to say the least.

Entrapta expects to be misunderstood and rejected by her peers (leading her to nearly losing her life on Beast Island), but she tries to help them anyway, in the only way she knows how. It’s not too much to ask the princesses to meet her in the middle.

I am grateful Entrapta didn’t have to sacrifice her identity and “become normal” to be accepted by the Alliance. However, I dearly wish she could have developed a more balanced healthy friendship with her fellow princesses.

Entrapta never had deep ties to the Alliance in the first place. That was the main reason she stayed with the Horde. I wish at some point they realized how much Entrapta was welcomed and accepted there. The enemy -- the Evil Horde -- provided Entrapta with more support than they ever did. That kind of realization should be huge!

A missed opportunity.

#entrapta #she ra season 5 #autistic entrapta #actually autistic #communication issues #it's not too much to hope for healthy friendships #I hope I didn't ramble too badly

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darkcomicsnatashaxreaderbakery · 3 years

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Now I have come to the realization that not many people other than females have x reader stories written for them. It makes me upset that people who are GN or M!r don't have many stories for them. I myself don't really go by one gender, but I was born female seeing as I go by she/they. I beg of writers to start writing for a bigger audience. Now I will also like to point out that we should also start writing for those with disabilities, I for one am all for doing research to write for anyone with something like autism or down syndrome. Now on to a another big issue DO NOT romanticize suicide or anything like that, I can understand writing something special like how they helped you through your suicidal thoughts. I have come to realize that as someone with bipolar disorder I don't want my suicide to be romanticized. Now I myself will hold myself accountable for liking those stories but I was young and a angst full teen, I have read some terrible things before and I do regret it. I also regret giving people more audience to write things like forced love. Going into the Steve Rogers x reader tags I have realized that fetishizing forceful intercourse is something many people do in the x reader tags. Please think about the person who put life into the character you are turning into a monster, these actors didn't ask to be in a story where they force you to do the unthinkable.

#loki #loki x reader #clark kent x reader #natasha x reader #tony stark x reader #Steve Rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #wanda x reader #bruce wayne x reader

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noa-nightingale · 3 years

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Gay Oar!!! ✨💖 - second post

After I wrote my nerdy little text about the appearance of Oar Oar in the Mansa Musa PH ep (you can find that post here), I naturally also had to write one about Sword Oar appearing in the Smallpox ep.

I honestly should have expected him to show up sooner or later after his boyfriend already did but it still caught me off guard. ✨

I’ll use my beautiful “autisticwatcher” tag for this (and if you also have to say things about Watcher-related autism stuff or autism-related Watcher stuff, feel free to use it too). Here is an attempt to justify it even though this topic probably is not inherently autistic: a) I experience every part of life through an autistic lense and b) the ways I express joy are... let’s say, atypical.

Here’s what I mean by that (and don’t worry, this is going somewhere): I am not a very outwardly expressive person. My face is kind of neutral most of the time (you could call it resting bitch bastard face), I have a voice that is often monotonous, and I don’t like showing strong emotions.

And this is what I did when Sword Oar showed up: I sort of jerked back in my chair and clapped my hands once. Then continued watching the episode with the biggest autistic grin (i.e. with what probably looked like a mild smile from the outside). ✨

Let’s get into it! Once again, it brought me great happiness to write this, and - be warned - some of this stuff is pretty specific. And once again, I did not expect that I would spend my time writing about a sponsorship part. ^-^

Enjoy! 💖

“Okay, moving along! Oh-” - “Oar are we!” Never stop with the oar puns, please. I live for the oar puns.

I think I already talked about Oar Oar’s voice and how much I like it but Sowrd Oar’s voice is equally amazing (sometimes a bit hard to understand but I can live with that - I love that voice). I also enjoyed his soft little laugh in the beginning. It was sweet.

We get a little more info on the Professor who apparently smells like “rotten cotton candy mixed with expired vinegar” (also, the sound effect after that killed me lol). Oof. Didn’t have to expose him like that lmao. I like that Sword Oar says to the Professor “I like you but you are a smelly guy” - confirming that he indeed likes him (I have one or two headcanons about this but I am... not going to mention them here, for reasons I will write about below).

The sponsor for this episode is Scentbird, and Sword Oar starts talking about “smelling seasonally appropriate” which I like - we are transitioning into autumn, the leaves will change soon, it is almost Over the Garden Wall rewatch time (I usually start my annual rewatch in October), and I just like the autumn vibes, the thoughts of pumpkins and colorful leaves and little ghosts. It’s my favorite time of the year. 🍂

Here’s a quote from the episode: “put that light sexy summer fragrances on the shelf in exchange for a thick seductive scent for the colder months”.

Okay okay OKAY you... you can’t do this to me!! >:( I have Thoughts about this, okay? Again, I am not giving you any details here (see below) but I have one or two new ideas about Sword Oar’s and Oar Oar’s relationship, and all this talk about “sexy” and “seductive” is not helping.

Like... not to get too depressed in a post about anthropomorphic oars and a sponsorship but there was a time when it was not even legal to be gay (and that time was not that long ago) and there was a time when I did not see any happy queer representation in any media. (I had Brokeback Mountain and that movie is sad as all hell; it breaks my heart every time I watch it, it is incredibly tragic, and that was pretty much the only thing I saw happening to queer people in fiction when I was growing up - struggle, suffering and death. It does something to a queer teenager, is what I am saying. And you carry that pain into adulthood, even if things do get better.)

And then look at these oars - openly gay, openly in love and openly sexual with each other. Yes I am getting emotional about a goofy little quote in a friggin’ sponsorship part, goddamnit!! Even considering all the things that are better now, queer people still get hurt and harassed and harmed and sometimes killed for being queer, and queer sexuality is still stigmatized, and it means a lot to me to have these puppets who are just so unapologetically gay and talk openly about it.

Maybe all of this is an overreaction to a tiny little quote. But it makes me happy (and sad), and I want to talk about it. ❤️

Moving on! To more queer stuff (it is more lighthearted this time, don’t worry)! :D

He mentions not having arms or legs, and that’s the bane of my existence tbh. You probably know by now that I draw a lot of gay oars art, and I have complained before about the fact that these guys don’t have hands. Do you know how many gentle things I could draw if they had hands? You can’t lovingly hold someone’s face without hands, you can’t intertwine your fingers with them, you can’t hug them without arms. So. Yeah. The audacity! /lh

(Come to think of it, Maizey and Gebra don’t have hands either. Shane Madej, sir, I am begging you, please give your LGBTQ+ characters hands!)

Here is another quote: “Let me give you a rundown of some of the sweet sweet sniffs I’ve been dancing with thanks to Scentbird.” Ugh it sounds so charming. It’s just such a charming way to put it. 🌻

He then lists some fragrances and I especially want to mention Confessions of a Rebell - Morning After, and the quote “hot nights never smelled so good”.

I AM ASKING YOU AGAIN

WHY

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

And again, I won’t go into all the new headcanons and ideas and thoughts I have about these oars and here is the reason - I don’t know how many minors are following me. Like, I don’t want to make this stuff sound too lewd or crass because I think that queer sexuality is already too often seen as something “dirty” instead of something perfectly okay and natural. Still, I will keep some of my thoughts to myself. Let’s just say, I am very fond of... all of this. 😊

Annnnyyyyways, Sword Oar lists a whole lot of other stuff, and I know that he has to talk about the sponsor, but what I am getting from this is, the guy really likes his scents.

He mentions amber+leather, he mentions lavender, and he mentions Gendarme - Sky which is a “complex and sultry blend of bergamot, cardamom and aged leather”, and I now have a few more ideas about what Oar Oar smells like. (Personally, I like “masculine” scents. Wood, leather and the like.)

Watcher has a code again (you can get 30% off). ✨

The last thing I want to mention is this: “you delicious thing, you”. I am not entirely sure if he is talking to the Professor or the audience but I am okay with both. Because a) I already have a headcanon about the oars and the Professor (which I will not talk about here because, again, there are probably some minors following me) and b) ... oh to be called a “delicious thing” by an anthropomorphic gay oar. 😘

That’s it for now. I spent the better part of three hours with this and hey, if you want to do me a favor, be kind to a queer person today (and if you are any flavor of LGBTQ+, please be kind to yourself - you are wonderful). 💖

I did not mean for this whole text to be this emotional and sometimes sad but I don’t mind it either.

Thanks for reading! ✨💕

❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜

Also, here is some of my older art. Seemed appropriate. ^-^

#watcher #puppet history #gay oars #autisticwatcher #the professor #shane madej

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yum-grass · 5 months

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Gerry x Michael Shelley - lovely I love it so good

Gerry x Michael distortion- so flavour full I love

Age gap doorkeay - incredible varry good

BUT

Because of timeline things it is possible that

Eric danlo x Michael Shelley

Gerry x Michael distortion

Or something along those lines but like you get what I’m seeing

Imagine it

18 year old freshly hired Michael Shelley crushing on his loser man 32 years old coworker

And

22year old book burner Gerry keay shamelessly flirting with his anxiety ridden loser man 46 year old coworker

Also this

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stimmin-and-winnin · 3 years

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On The Topic Of Neurotypical Society: This is mostly me venting and being an asshole. I regularly use autistic instead of neurodivergent because I am specifically pulling from my own autistic experiences. I’m well aware these aren’t even every autistic persons thoughts or feeling. They definitely aren’t every neurodivergent persons thoughts or feelings.

In my opinion there is something intrinsically wrong with how autistic people are discussed. I believe that as a society we are still viewing autism through the filter of a sickness, and not the filter of a separate characteristic entirely. We politely ask neurotypical society to find it in their hearts to empathize with the autistic community. We beg them to see us as human and worthy of respect. Then they turn around and expect those same things instantly. They do not have to beg for accommodations because everything is made for them.

I would never characterize myself as feeling more than a neurotypical person. I would characterize them as feeling less than me. This is because there’s nothing wrong with me for being different from them. In a truly reflective look into my thoughts I would say there is something wrong with them. They do not feel as intensely as I do. Their senses are Dulled. There must be something wrong with them.

I don’t actually believe or act on these thoughts because I know they are not true. I know that a nice person would realize that the only thing fueling those arguments is my own perspective on the matter. My point here is that if I can recognize these arguments are not sound, why can’t they?

In a recent study examining the judgements made about a speaker based on both the audience (nonautistic vs. autistic) and speaker (nonautistic vs. autistic) it was found that autistic people preferred other autistic people and nonautistic people preferred other nonautistic people. The really interesting part was that while this preference was minimal in the autistic audience group it was extremely different in the nonautistic audience group. I think the reason for this is perception. Autistic people have been told our whole lives that we are the ones who are wrong in society. Neurotypical people haven’t had that problem, and they’ve been taught to treat autism as a sickness. This is why I think they feel right in their judgements of us. They haven’t had to mask to match autistic people. They have never had to defend their humanity to autistic people. They are confident that it is us who has to strive to understand them, and that they should not have to try and understand us because they perceive us as wrong.

Here’s that study if you’re interested:

The only way to truly accept autistic people into society is for autistic people to be accepted into the societal consciousness as they truly are. I do not want half assed acceptance. No one wants to only be accepted because of the pity of others. Yes, I am disabled. In the terms of me being autistic however, it is not a disability of being. It is a disability of environment. Many folks have made this point before, and I don’t want to take credit for that. I am just reiterating their point that a neurotypical society is by definition inaccessible to neurodivergent people. We need accommodations because we were not considered in the first place.

#actuallyautistic #personal vent #this is all rambling and anger and exhaustion I am Recognizing That

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queeneve84 · 3 years

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The mental health thing...again

So I watched Superman and Lois last night, and I didn’t hate it, but one element has left me debating myself all morning.

Mental Health in TV. Yay or nay?

I’ll admit I was into it at first--a superhero with a serious issue. It’s a great plot device. My enthusiasm was dampened somewhat when they dropped the diagnosis on us: Social anxiety disorder.

Sigh.

I get why they did it. Anxiety and depression is HUGE among young people. It gives your audience a chance to say “Oh, I struggle with that too! They’re like me!” It’s intended to sort of normalize anxiety, which I do believe is well meaning, at least.

BUT, they also treat this relatively common diagnosis like it’s the end of the friggin WORLD. Go back and watch the scene, and there’s a freaking musical cue that says “THIS IS THE GREATEST CHALLENGE SUPES HAS EVER FACED!!” OMG, his child isn’t perfect. And I friggin HATE that!! I hate it so much. (They did it with ‘the Good Doctor’, too! “he’s a brilliant physician, except has *bummmm* AUTISM!” Fuck you, CBS.) Point being, it’s common and normal and should be talked about openly, or it is a world-changing diagnosis that destroys your life. YOU DON’T GET BOTH.

That flows right into the performative aspect. Playing both sides makes it seems like the CW is just trying to get the cred for including a mental illness. “Look at us! We did it!!” and meanwhile, anxiety is about as common as mental illnesses go. You can include it with absolutely zero extra work. Worse from a story standpoint, you can explain away anything out of character with “I don’t know, he has ANXIETY!” And I hate that. so much.

The absolute WORST offender was how they treated this medication. Like it made him psychotic or something? Like it made him a monster? Even the relatively sympathetic girl had the NERVE to treat him like a baby who couldn’t care for himself. “CAN YOU HAVE THAT?” Like, excuse you, that’s fucking rude.

To anyone who is reading this, I am BEGGING you: TAKE YOUR MEDS. They don’t make you a freak, they are fixing an imbalance. They are NORMAL and COMMON and HEALTHY. To the show’s credit, it sort of touches on this when Jordan makes the illogical leap from “My dad is superman” to “I have to take pills” (WHYY??), and Lois tries to reassure him. Good job, Lois. But not good enough.

Unpopular Opinion: If you insist on doing it this way, at least make the diagnosis a little more interesting. BPD? Bipolar disorder? Paranoid Delusions? Actually do the work. Study the disease, talk to people who have it and get it RIGHT. You’re already using it for cred, so go for it. Yes, you want your audience to see themselves in your protagonist. But isn’t it also valuable to have a character with a serious mental illness that you come to see as a person?

I agree that mental health is an important topic, especially among young people. It’s a conversation we should have and continue to have. It’s widespread and as such, should be destigmatized. The question is...is a relatively shallow TV show the proper place to do it?

#superman and lois #spoilers #guh this took too long

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tiny-ghost-boi · 4 years

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Passive Agressiveness Towards the Queer Community In Fanfictions

Sorry for the long title, but this really gets on my nerves. A lot of fan fiction both on here and on WattPad are meant for your average Straight, White, Cis female reader. This upsets me a lot.

If you don’t want to write for the queer community for whatever reason, fine do what you want, but please please please mark it as X Fem reader. I am so tired of seeing X Reader and thinking it’s gender neutral only to be constantly bombarded with SHE HER GIRLFRIEND and shit like that.

If you have the copasity to write fan fiction, I beg you please make it colorblind and gender neutral unless it’s important to the story.

ASMR studios like Yagami Yato do a great job of this, most of her audios use they/them, and she often makes three versions of each audio. Male listener, female listener, and NB listener.

And even in the gender/sex specific audios she still uses they/them (unless she’s saying baby boy or baby girl, but I can deal with that just fine cuz it’s nice) so it’s easy for anyone to feel comfortable listening to the audio that best resembles their body type.

Even as a trans guy I can listen to the female centered audios since she often uses they/them so I don’t feel dysphoric. It’s amazing and I love her for that.

Please don’t put gender specifics in your fanfic unless it’s important to the story or requested that said pronouns are used.

I know this will likely be ignored but I guess that’s what I get for being queer.

I’m just going to say one last thing before I finish, when I scrolled through Bakugou X Male reader for some nice stuff, here’s what I found.

70% smut

40% omega verse (for some reason)

Very few trans reader

And even with those there were very few. I got through it all in under two hours.

If you scroll Bakugou X Reader however,

Cishet female reader

There were so many just like this, and it would take months to get through them all if no one ever updated more.

I honestly feel this is a little passive aggressive, or I’m just reading into things too much. Either way, here’s all I ask.

Use they/them for your reader and don’t specify sex or gender unless it’s important to the plot.

Find time to write for trans, non binary, genderfluid, and queer readers in general.

Continue to write for female readers but stop continuing to imply that they’re always straight.

Write female characters x readers, I don’t see that very often either.

Write for different races and religions, maybe add Hanukkah chocolates coins in a fanfic (those are literally the best things in the world).

If someone requests a fanfic with a reader that doesn’t fit what you usually write for, don’t just ignore it, use it and see what you can get.

Also I see a lot of Nuerological readers, maybe have a reader with ADHD or Autism sometime?

Maybe have a reader with a prosthetic.

I get that you want to entertain the general audience, ‘normal people’, but other people exist and want to be recognized. I want someone to use my proper pronouns in a fic or mention type one diabetes casually. Have a reader that’s implied to have ADD or OCD or just generally something that’s not ‘normal.’

Please.

Sincerely,

A touch starved queer trans guy

#queer community #blacklivesmatter #fanfiction #toxic community

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antiracistkaren · 4 years

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September 18, 2020

So the word has come down upon high (from Trump himself) that Tiktok is (again) done as of this coming Sunday.

This time, I am a bit more wary. Why? Because Oracle is the company that bought TikTok, and the owner of Oracle--Larry Ellison, who is work $76 BILLION with a B--is “close” with Trump.

According to the AP report written by O’Brien and Tardel, “Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison is unusual among tech executives for his public support of President Donald Trump, hosting a fundraiser for him in February at his Rancho Mirage, California, estate. The company also hired a former top aide to Vice President Mike Pence; its CEO, Safra Catz, also served on Trump’s transition team.“

That’s to say the least! We always need to be looking and seeing who the PEOPLE are being awarded business, and lucrative business at that, but we cannot ignore that fact that “...Oracle co-founder and chief executive Larry Ellison hosted a fundraiser for Trump at his Rancho Mirage, Calif., estate in February.“

Employees have been troubled by Ellison’s open support of President Trump. George Polisner, 57, who had worked at Oracle on and off since 1993, posted his resignation letter to LinkedIn after the company's co-CEO Safra Catz joined the Trump transition team and was said to have privately dined with the world leader. "I am not with President-elect Trump and I am not here to help him in any way," his public resignation post read. "In fact when his policies border on the unconstitutional, the criminal and the morally unjust I am here to oppose him in every possible and legal way. Therefore I must resign from this once great company."

These things are not occurring within a vacuum. We as a public must be clear-eyed about what is happening here.

I also want to share something that I wrote and posted on FaceBook in defense of TikTok as a community tool:

A Defense of TikTok, an essay

I know that it’s not cool to like TikTok as an elder Millennial. I am supposed to sit here and say that it’s not cool, and we invented the internet, and make jokes at my own expense about how old I am getting.

But I can’t seem to do that.

All y’all who are looking from the outside in at TikTok, seeing these fraught negotiations about getting bought, and securing data and are screaming for TikTok to get shut down; for those of you judging those of us on TikTok, I’d like to give you the view from the inside out, and why I will continue to fight for the existence of this, or an identical platform like it.

1. It creates a digital community in a time when social community cannot safely exist.

I, like most of my millennial brethren (and some Gen Xers and woke Boomers) downloaded this app because we noticed that the videos that were lifting us up out of our houses (in which we were trapped). It was a place where people were showing the inside of their own cells.

TikTok has created a community that feels real in a time when we all feel trapped. It’s better than TV in that you can engage with it. You’re limited on time, so you really must pare down your message if you’d like it to get engaged with. Yes, I am aware that this is a double-edged sword. Distilled messaging can be questioned, which is why responding to comments with clarifying videos in important.

The community that responds to these questions—your followers—are very good at pointing out your blind spots that strengthen your argument. This works for both sides.

In a time when we are all isolated, building a true digital community that is made up of uplifting content, empowering content, and ways to engage with communities you would have never seen make it a powerful tool in the pandemic.

2. TikTok’s hashtags encourage chasing diverse voices and similar voices, and diverse voices promotes compassion

Due to the nature of TikTok’s algorithm, it is possible to influence the content that TikTok serves your content to, and who serves their content to you. It CAN indeed create a vacuum, for as you tell TikTok who you are (by engaging with content), they’re also learning who you’re not. They will serve up content then that lines up with content you’ve engaged in.

However, because it’s cold and we are smarter than computers, it is simple to hijack a popular tag and expose a broad audience to an inclusive message, an educational clip on culture, a restful place to stay, and most recently: organizing voters of all ages.

So if you’re committed to diversify the voices in your life. If you’re hungry for an Indigenous point of view, you can seek it out. If you’re seeking out a homeless point of view, there’s millions of TikTok creators, but you must seek them out via their hashtags.

Tiktok has the power to introduce those of us who have the luxury of a nice private cell (in our homes) and personal corona virus pod (a car) to those of us who do not.

3. When community and compassion intersect, there is opportunity for change.

From the inside of TikTok, it feels like we [the users] are starting to break down some of these painful untruths that we’ve all accepted up until now. It feels like on the individual level, people are changing their minds.

When we build a community based on celebrating the individual, it is impossible for hate to thrive. TikTok has given those of us hurting from mental illness, depression, loneliness, anxiety and (Surprise!) Autism a place to talk about how hard this is. In Person! Safely.

And because we have started talking about how much of a toll this extended coronavirus pandemic is having on all of us, we’re starting to see that we are all connected right now. TikTok has this insidious way of showing you humanity, because it is intimate. It is you and one other person. You can happily support those you love, and leave those that aren’t for you.

TikTok is a target because of data. I know that. But I am begging us to find some other way, because the transformations that I am personally witnessing through this app are extraordinary and should be honored.

It’s hard to judge something from the outside. Please come on in and add your voice, and fight for your right to your data, too.

And in closing, if you’re hurting and need some face to face time with no pressure, then I would go to TikTok and find the Community you need, and then find a community that stretches you. And stick with it.

It is a tool that can help us in many ways if we choose to wield it wisely.

#tiktok #trump #feminist #transinclusive #texas #actuallyautistic #autistiktok #blm

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juliabohemian · 4 years

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Can We Take a Joke?

Recently I have been thinking a lot about what it means for something to be offensive. A few years back, a favorite comedian of mine lost his prestigious job, working alongside a duck, as a spokesperson for a large healthcare corporation because he tweeted a joke that some people (or perhaps an entire nation of people) found offensive.

This particular comedian is notorious for joking about topics that are really touchy. I have been a fan of his comedy since the 80s, probably since before I was even old enough to be watching his shows. I have never been offended by anything he's said. The reason being that there is not an ounce of maliciousness to be found there. He doesn't come across as hateful. Just tactless. Almost to the point where it's so ridiculous, that you know he isn't serious.

Gilbert Gottfried is notorious for joking about topics that are really touchy. I have been a fan of his comedy since the 80s, probably since before I was even old enough to be watching his shows. I have never been offended by anything he's said. The reason being that there is not an ounce of maliciousness to be found there. He doesn't come across as hateful. Just tactless. Almost to the point where it's so ridiculous, that you know he isn't serious.

Gilbert Gottfried has always appealed to me because of how bravely and stubbornly he refuses to yield to social conventions, which I personally find exhausting. Growing up as a neurodivergent (I have both autism and ADHD) I would often say things that offended other people and could never seem to understand where I’d gone wrong. I felt like I was running some kind of obstacle course, in which the rules were constantly changing. I was fascinated by watching Gilbert on stage, being true to himself despite whatever heckling he might endure. It took me years of navigating around other people's feelings to figure out how I could still be me, without causing others distress. I am still working on it.

Which brings me to my first point, which is what does it actually mean to be offended? We’ve all been offended at some point, whether we like it or not. Basically it means that something another person said or did triggered an emotional reaction in us that we did not enjoy, and after some analysis (or no analysis) we came to the conclusion that the source of our emotion lay entirely outside of ourselves, rather than consider the possibility that some portion of our reaction was the result of our own trauma or emotional baggage.

So, what is it that makes people feel the need to censor other people? It comes down to control. Just so you know, we don’t have any. The sooner you embrace that, the happier you will be. The problem is that, for the most part, we tend to feel helpless unless we take some sort of action. It gives us the illusion of control. When, in fact, we cannot control what other people say or do. Not really. If you don’t believe me, have some children and you should be thoroughly convinced. At the end of the day, we can only control ourselves. And most of us can’t even do that.

That being said, censorship actually began with conservatives and evangelicals. That’s not too hard to dissect. A major component of their ideology involves monopolizing the moral high ground. They devoted a great deal of energy to protecting humanity from such dangers as homosexuality and promiscuity and women wearing pants and having jobs. Things like that. And they had that gig for a few thousand years until, sometime during the last 4 decades or so, there was a paradigm shift. The right passed the censorship torch to the liberals. Or the right accidentally dropped it while they were looking for Obama’s birth certificate. Either way, it now seems that the left is attempting to do what the right could not, which is to police the world and rid it of its ills.

Bearing in mind, of course, that I consider myself as liberal as a person can possibly be. I find that while I often share the views of other liberals about what is and isn’t offensive, I don’t always agree with them about what, if anything, we should do about it.

Which begs the question, when should a reasonably intelligent, emotionally mature person be offended? And I think it really does come down to a few factors, primarily intent and context. These things are really important. Who told the joke and why were they telling it? Who is the target of the joke? Are we laughing AT them or WITH them?

A Jew telling a joke about jews is not offensive. And if you’re not Jewish, you don’t get to have a say about it. A black man joking about what it’s like to drive around a strange neighborhood, while black, is also not offensive. Neither is a white person joking about it, frankly, so long as the point of the joke is how ridiculous it is that a black person even has to deal with that shit in the first place.

When the target of the joke is a member of a marginalized group and the purpose of the joke is to commiserate with that person, then it’s not offensive. It only has the potential to be offensive when the person telling the joke is a member of a privileged group (male, Caucasian, Christian) and the target of the joke is not. Note, I said POTENTIAL. Because sometimes jokes that fit that definition aren’t offensive. They’re just not funny. In which case, that situation usually takes care of itself.

I have found that almost all comedy can be divided into two categories: drawing attention to that which is obvious or doing the exact opposite of what people are expecting. Most stand-up comedy falls into the first category. Which is why stand up comedians talk about things like relationship woes, airplane food, having kids etc. Because poking fun at experiences that large groups of people can relate to is a practical choice when you are dealing with an audience of total strangers. Especially when those strangers are your primary source of income.

The thing about comedians is that most of them don't genuinely believe what they are saying. The audience knows this. Or at least, they should. Comedians often adopt a persona when they take the stage, which differs drastically from their real life selves. Do I think Gilbert Gottfried is happy that Japanese people lost their lives to a horrible tsunami? Not for one second. Do I think that he was amused by the events of 9-11? As a lifelong resident of Brooklyn, I seriously doubt it. I think he was doing what he's always done, what we ALL do, which is to make jokes about things that are uncomfortable, in order to alleviate the discomfort. That’s what comedians do. In fact, we RELY upon them to do it. We RELY upon humor to help us cope with tragedy and trauma.

Which I can relate to on a very deep level because I have been through some pretty horrific shit in my life and I have always been the first person to make a joke about it. There have been times in my life where I have been telling a story about something terrible I went through and the other person was clearly uncomfortable with my making a joke about it. I could tell, just by looking at them, that they wanted to be offended. They wanted to claim that moral high ground and let me know that I was being inappropriate. But they couldn’t because it’s MY LIFE AND I WILL JOKE ABOUT IT IF I WANT TO.

Getting back to how to know whether something is offensive...I was watching a documentary called Can We Take a Joke? which was specifically addressing the topic of people being offended by comedy. Within the documentary there was some footage of a young man at a college doing some (and I use this term generously) stand-up comedy in which he was disparaging women's studies as a major, after which a woman in the audience (who he called a loud mouthed cunt) ran on stage and told him to shut up.

This is a perfect example of when intent matters. How is this young man different than a comedian who is simply joking about something uncomfortable in order to alleviate discomfort? Simply put, he believes what he is saying. Not only does he dislike women’s studies, he dislikes women in general. He is drawn to the stage out of a desire to have a platform for expressing that disdain. And that came across in his act because, well, he didn’t try very hard to hide it.

Can the concept of women's studies be funny? Absolutely. There are many jokes we could make about women's studies and gender studies and other similar academic majors. I could probably do an entire 30 minute routine just on social sciences in general. But this young man wasn't drawing attention to the obvious, which is that often these majors don't lead to any specific career path. He was simply expressing disdain for women.

Is that offensive? Well, yes. Disdain can be funny, so long as it isn’t the product of bias towards an entire group of people. Disdain for having a cold, for instance. Disdain for being stuck in traffic. Disdain for women, however, isn’t worthy of laughter.

But is the appropriate response to run on stage and demand that he be quiet? No. The level of anger expressed by the woman in the audience was, shall we say, disproportionate. She seemed a little unhinged. Although, it’s possible that she already knew the young man or that they had some sort of personal history. Either way, the solution, if there even is one, is to ignore him and stop giving him attention. Is it fair to be offended by someone who seems genuinely hateful? Absolutely. But it isn’t always appropriate, productive, or even possible to take any sort of counteraction.

Not only that but I think there is no real danger that this kid will ever break into the comedy business for real. So, he will likely have to look to some MRA themed subreddit for further validation of his misogyny. Unless the next loudmouthed cunt that storms on stage kills him, of course.

When Mr. Gottfried made that unfortunate tweet about the tsunami in Japan the internet crucified him. People actually said he should die. Which, to me, is a far worse statement than any jokes the comedian has ever made. I was furious, not only with the general public, but with other show business personalities who refused to speak up on Mr. Gottfried’s behalf. In hindsight, I realize that they were probably terrified that they would be next on the chopping block. Which says a lot about us as a society, I think.

But I don’t think the problem is that people are too easily offended. The problem is that too many people lack critical thinking skills. We need to be willing to ask ourselves whether something is genuinely offensive, or if the topic of it simply evokes negative feelings for us because of our own individual experiences. We need to be willing to step away and resist the urge to take everyone else with us. We also need to accept that sometimes there are genuinely hateful assholes in the world and that silencing them is not always an option.

If something genuinely is offensive, what should you do about it? 99% of the time, the correct answer is nothing. Now, I'm not talking about hate speech. I'm not talking about propaganda. I'm talking about some comedian, shock jock, TV personality making a joke that you found offensive. You can certainly blog about it, if it makes you feel better. But after that you should avoid that person, their material, their show etc. Because, clearly it is not the right entertainment for you.

I feel that way about King of the Hill and Family Guy. But since I am capable of acknowledging that those things are amusing to other people, I am able to refrain from launching a campaign against their creators under the guise of making the world a better place for everyone.

TL;DR Gilbert Gottfried is a national treasure and should be protected, like the Grand Canyon. AFLAC knew exactly what they were getting when they hired him and merely fired him due to the pressures put in place by late stage capitalism, which dictate that anyone working for a profit seeking entity is at the mercy of public opinion. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

#gilbert gottfried #aflac #aflac fired gilbert gottfried when they realized they'd hired gilbert gottfried #stand up comedy #people who are offended #what does it mean to be offended #offensive comedy #the difference between comedy and hate speech #free speech #leave gilbert alone and let him enjoy his life #op #juliabohemian rant #juliabohemianrant

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hellogoodbye741 · 5 years

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All the book reviews I should have been doing in real time, but imma piece of garbage(tm)

Please ignore this second (or possibly more if i don’t have enough space) long ass post

Reading Lolita in Tehran:

I really enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of nonfiction writing because of how monotonous they can be, but this wasn’t like that. She really told a story about her (the author) and a bunch of young woman in Tehran reading Lolita and other banned books, and it really resonated with me.

Hidden Figures:

I had been told several times that this book was not going to be what I expected and that I should read the children’s version of it instead because that was more like the movie. Should have listened. I enjoyed the book, but it focused way more on the scientific side of things instead of the more story-line aspect of history. Not saying that it wasn’t great and a fascinating read into such pivotal people in America’s timeline, it just wasn’t my thing.

Virals:

I had been putting off reading this series by Kathy Reichs because it wasn’t the Tempe Brennan character, and therefore I did not care. BOY WAS THAT A WRONG OPINION. This book (and the subsequent ones I have since read) are amazing! They were written with teens in mind, but you can enjoy them at any level. They are chocked full of sci-fi fun that keeps you begging for more and more. I say this about very few novels, but I would totally read again.

Noir:

I absolutely adore Christopher Moore books. I have read several of his, and have never found any at fault. This one, however, wasn’t up to par. It was okay, but not like his other works. I couldn’t get into as much, and it wasn’t as funny. The story is written very much like a noir-style movie, so I could find no fault in that, but the twist at the middle/end was very unexpected and left me confused. I think I would have to give it a read and more pay attention to more finite details to make sense of it.

Number One Chinese Restaurant:

I was expecting to really enjoy this book, but honestly, it kinda sucked. I didn’t really like any of the characters, and never felt any sympathy for any of them even when they were going through struggles. The writing was a little choppy, and the constant POV change was jarring. It was a little bit of a struggle to get through, not gonna lie.

The House That Lou Built:

I know this book is meant for younger audiences, but I absolutely adored it. Like I have nothing else to say, it was adorable and I will protect it with my life.

Crazy Rich Asians:

I enjoyed this book. I’m not a huge fan of multiple POVs, but the way they did it in this book wasn’t bad at all. I really want to see the movie and see how it compares.

Da Vinci Code:

Tis a classic I have read several times over. Dan Brown got it going on.

Post Mordem:

I love the Kathy Reichs books and have read several of them (unfortunately not in order). This is the first book in the series, and I really liked seeing how it all got started. Kathy Reichs tries to make sure to make the science aspect of the book both for the idiots and the people who know their shit, which is great. Gotta represent my North Carolina ladiesss

77 Shadow Street:

This book was all kinds of fucked up. Every time I thought I got the plot and what was going on, they fucked me over again. I said “what the fuck” at least once every chapter.

Raisin in the Sun:

Don’t know how it took me so long to read this play. Absolutely adored the characters and the storyline, and the resolution at the end was bittersweet. Would love to see it performed and get the true experience and emotion.

House on Mango Street:

I have read this book a handful of times too, and I enjoy it every single time. The book is short and sweet, and the poetry graceful and moving. Will probably read again and again in the future.

Whipping Boy:

I first read this in the 4th grade and it has resonated with me ever since. It takes like an hour to read, but it is filled with so much in the meantime. All about dat bourgeoise bullshitttttt and how it can be rectified.

In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson:

Haven’t read this since elementary school, and had forgotten how sweet this story is. The trials the young girl goes through and how she triumphs, in the end, leaves me with the biggest smile on my face.

Red Scarf Girl:

Also been a while since last reading this book. It’s a beautiful and tragic story about the rise of communism and the struggles that everyone in their country faced. I think it was based on a true story but honestly can’t remember. Would definitely read again.

Journey of Little Charles:

This was an endearing ‘growing up’ historical novel. I enjoyed it.

Ivy Aberdeen’s Letters to the World:

This was absolutely GREAT. Such a beautiful way to explore and introduce the LGBTQIA+ community to younger audiences.

Children of Blood and Bone:

I really enjoyed this book, and want to read the rest of the series too. It was a very immersive story that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole story.

Chaos/Code/Exposure:

I’m just going to do these three as one since they’re all part of the same series. I really enjoy the Virals series, and each time you think there’s nowhere else to go, Reichs and her son introduce something you would have never expected.

Sing, unburied, sing:

Thought I was gonna like this one more than I did. It just kinda lagged for me and was hard to get into.

Lucky Broken Girl:

I thought this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book (and true story) about a girl who is confined to her bed practically paralyzed. It was nice to watch her get through her struggles and come out on top in the end.

Finding Langston:

This was a very cute story about a poc country boy going to the city and discovering himself through a love of books, and though it is meant for younger audiences, I enjoyed it immensely.

The Dollar Kids:

Another cute story meant for kids about finding one's self and working through trauma in a way that children can understand.

Winnie’s Great War:

It’s the absolutely true story of the English army adopting a bear in the 40s told through the POV of the bear. I do not need to say more.

Ballet Shoes:

I’m a sucker for three young girls following their dreams and one of them being ballet. Yaas queen.

Song for a Whale:

An absolutely stunning tale of following your dreams and fighting through all adversities to get there. Also, the main character is deaf, and being HOH myself, loved having the representation (even if the story if for younger children).

It’s Not a Perfect World, but I’ll take It:

Told from the perspective and real-life story of a girl living with autism, and some things that can help others learn how to accept that they are just like anyone else, and some things on how to make life a bit easier. Loved seeing life through that perspective, even if it was only for a little while.

Rapunzel’s Revenge:

Loved this comic’s twist on the classic tale of Rapunzel. Rapunzel takes her life into her own hands and kicks ass

Ghost Doll and Jasper:

This was a perfect mix between cute and creepy. A combination most would find weird, but I loved it!

Color Purple:

I’ve been hearing about this book for as long as I could remember, but never at any point had anyone ever talked about the plot?? It wasn’t what I expected at all, but it really made me feel something,

We Will Not Be Silent:

NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW, NEVER AGAIN MEANS NOW

The Woman Who Smashed Codes:

A fascinating read, but on par with Hidden Figures where there was a lot that I just didn’t understand.

The Lowlands:

It took me almost 3/4 of the way into the book to actually get into the plot and understand what was going on. Maybe another read-through might help, but eh.

1776:

I love history, but the sheer length of this book and the unending quality about it was #strugglebus

Born a Crime:

Nobody should be born illegal, nobody should be illegal period. Trevor Noah, I’m sorry a rude ass country did that to you.

Stalking Jack the Ripper:

Yooooooo, read this shit!

Winnie the Pooh:

You already know who it is

Eragon:

It has been so long since I have read this series. I had forgotten how long the books were, but #worthit

Titus Andronicus:

Did not understand it while I was reading it. Saw it performed the next day and was like “ohhhhhhh, i get it now”

How to Train Your Dragon:

Nothing like the movie, at all. Still cute tho.

Howl’s Moving Castle:

Was just like the movie, except even more. There was a whole other plot point that just added to the concept of Howl that made it even better.

Other Words from Home:

Beautiful story of a young girl moving halfway across the world and dealing with the hardships that come with it.

Hunting Prince Dracula:

Do you like UST between two dork scientist badasses??? READ DAT SHIT

Sweep:

This was both incredibly sweet, and absolutely sad, while also throwing in some kill the capitalist bourgeoise and I loved it.

Errant Prince:

Four words-

Gay.

Trans.

Wizard.

Knight.

Diary of Anne Frank:

You get so enamored with the girl she was, that you forget that she never got to the be the girl she could have been.

:’(

The Help:

EAT

SHIT

Black Leopard, Red Wolf:

Not a big fan of the random and multiple rape scenes, and the plot was hard to follow.

Hunger Makes me a Modern Girl:

It was a good, short read.

In Another time:

I got straight and happy couple baited and I was denied but in a beautiful way so #allowed.

A Place For Us:

Another one where the plot was a little hard to follow, but I actually enjoyed it nonetheless.

Sun is Also a Star:

Thought I was gonna be denied my happy ending, turned it around on the last page. Hell yuss.

Prodigal Summer:

Thought I was gonna enjoy it more since I too am from rural Appalachia. Nah

Zombie:

Alright, okay, a little fucked up, okay, okay, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED, the end.

Fox8:

I cried at work reading this????

Fire and Fury:

Not my thing, nice to see what’s up tho

Song of Achilles:

GAAAAAAY

and

TRAGGGGIICCC

Genesis Begins Again:

No matter what anyone says, you’re beautiful

#book review challenge #hawkybarton

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